#minimal research was done and by that i mean all i did was make sure there was a catholic population in russia-

[vivisectedvitality]

ngl i feel really good about that thang. its almost a thousand words woah. second most ive written n published for anything ive been into and i did it on a whim, im proud of myself!

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Smoking and other new things (M)

Part two of the I'd Do Anything Series

Summary: Since y/n can't tell anyone she fucked Jeonghan, she has to resort to other methods of achieving her original goal of making people see her in a different, less innocent light.

Warnings: Smoking, talk of drugs, college party- but not Jackson Wang's, skewed perceptions of 'innocence', blow job, throat fucking, dom!jeonghan, sub!yn, inexperienced!yn, creampie, rough sex, semi-public sex, light degredation, kinda mean!jeonghan, treats (don't ask), lots of saliva, minimal impact play

A.N. I just want it known that most of the experiences that y/n explores in this are experiences I TOO am unexperienced. My best friend was google, and the hits of vapes and cigarettes I took SOLELY for research on this fic. don't bully me pls </3

-

The great thing about the events of this past week was that unlike what anyone would have believed in and out of high school, you were finally not a virgin.

You had had multiple people make jokes with you that you wouldn’t have sex with anyone until you were married and even then they joked that you would wait forever after that.

Because somewhere along the line people became convinced that good kid also equaled prude.

So now, excitingly, you had physical proof that you weren’t a prude…

And you couldn’t tell anyone.

You tapped at your desk in aggravation, your finished chemistry work sitting captive beneath your hand. 

What the fuck was the point in all of this? Sure in the moment it had all made sense, because Jeonghan was hot, and you two were alone, and you had wanted to be fucked so badly. But to so easily agree to not tell anyone.

What was the point? What was the point?

It wasn’t like you had only wanted to have sex with Jeonghan to brag about it. Having sex with a specific person wasn’t a brag, but now if you were to make some broad statement about how actually I have had sex before and I also did anal, and he creampied both of my holes- I even have a safe word but I can’t tell you who it was but I mean trust me it happened no one would believe you.

It sounded like you were just making up crazier details to make it more outrageous and therefore believable.

So, so frustrating…

You considered silently what to do with your weekend. You had gotten your homework done by now, and it was a Friday night. This was the perfect chance for you to do something else to change everyone’s opinions on you, but you didn’t even know where to start.

Okay… Not true. You could just go back to square one: Drugs.

And thanks to Jeonghan, you knew just where to go.

You pulled out your phone and opened Hansol’s contact.

Hey. I need drugs.

You thought that was simple enough and within only a few minutes your phone was buzzing. You picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Y/n, what the fuck?”

You pursed your lips, and tapped your index finger against the desk.

“What?”

“You can’t just text me that you need drugs,” Hansol clarified, sounding a bit annoyed that he needed to do so. Your eyes trailed to the side.

“You sound like Jeonghan.”

“What?” Hansol replied, confusion etching his voice. You didn’t elaborate.

“What should I say to you if I want drugs if I can’t just text you?” You asked.

Hansol sighed.

“Ask me in person?”

“But-“ 

You heard noise in the background and Hansol turned away from the phone, he spoke but his voice was muffled. Jealousy shot through your chest.

“Are you at a party right now?” You blurted before you could think twice about it. Hansol was quiet for a few seconds.

“… Yes….”

You planted both of your feet firmly on the ground.

“Let me come!”

“Y/n….”

“Please, please, please,” you begged, already getting to your feet to get changed. You switched the phone onto speaker as you began to rummage through your closet.

“Y/n, it’s just…. Really not your scene,” Hansol warned.

“It can be my scene!” You insisted as you ripped your shirt off. You grabbed your phone again, turning it off speaker and smashing it against your face. “Hansol, please, I promise I won’t stand out at all. It’ll be just like I’m one of the guys.”

You physically winced at your own words, and silence followed your statement. Silence that lasted for so long that you thought that surely you had ruined your chance completely.

“... Fine.”

“Really?!”

“But y/n. You have to be…” He let out a sound of frustration. “Good? Fuck. I don’t know, but everyone will be so pissed at me if I’m the one who invited you to this party and you get hurt or some shit.”

You weren’t really listening to Hansol at this point.

“I’ll see you soon Hansol!” You insisted. “Don’t forget to text me the address.”

-

You tried not to let what Hansol had said bother you too much, because who cared if he was still sheltering you when you had actually gotten the invite? You couldn’t help the excitement that was buzzing through your body at the fact that you were finally going to be at a party.

You weren’t sure what to expect, all you did know was that any college party was going to be either exactly like the movies or nothing like them at all.

You found the address of the house easy enough, and to start off the party certainly wasn’t as out of control as you had seen in films. There weren’t people throwing beer cans out of windows, and the music couldn’t be heard from all the way down the block but it did look like there were a lot of people inside.

Outside there were a handful of people talking with red solo cups in their hands, one of them being Hansol. As soon as you got out of your Uber, he saw you and waved you over.

“Hey,” he greeted as you joined him on the steps. He glanced over your outfit, a simple crop top and some jeans. “Good outfit.”

And you could tell by his voice that he was genuinely impressed. You couldn’t help the large smile that broke out over your lips.

“Thank you!” You said brightly. You peeked around his body at the party, and just as you did Hansol raised his vape to his mouth. You watched him, your heart thumping in your chest.

Vaping. Perfectly legal, perfectly safe. You could totally vape, and people would start to see you a little differently. Hansol seemed to watch your gaze and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Do you… Do you want a hit…?” He asked uncertainly. Your eyes lit up.

“Can I?” You asked. Hansol chewed unsurely on his bottom lip.

“Do you really want to?”

You nodded eagerly and so he sighed and handed it to you. You took the small piece of plastic and pressed it to your lips, but your hesitation was evident. Hansol sighed, that nervous expression still on his face.

“You have to slowly inhale the vapour, hold it in your mouth for just a second, and then open your mouth, breath in the vapour and exhale,” Hansol instructed. You nodded, trying to follow his instructions but when you tried to finally breathe in the vapour, you started to cough. Hansol took the vape from your fingers.

“It takes practice,” he said, but he looked more nervous than you felt. “Do you want a drink?”

He led you into the party, weaving through the groups of people. There were people playing beer pong, others standing around talking, some people were grinding on each other on the dance floor. What you knew for sure was that everyone was drunk.

You needed to get drunk.

Hansol walked right past the bowl of some sort of punch that was on a flimsy collapsable table and instead led you over to the fridge where he pulled out an unopened bottle of Corona beer. You pouted and pointed at the punch bowl.

“Solo cup,” you whined. He gave you another nervous look and instead, held the bottle out towards you more firmly.

“Unopened,” he pressed. You sighed, and decided to just take whatever alcohol you could get. Maybe you would try the punch later when Hansol wasn’t hovering over your shoulder as if he were your babysitter.

Your eyes trailed over the people at the party, trying to figure out who you knew, and who you could try to talk to. Before you could really take in your surroundings, a hand came to your back, and you jumped in surprise.

“Well, is that little y/nnie or are my eyes deceiving me?” The person bellowed. He placed both of his hands on your shoulders, forcing you to look at him. His lips curled up into a smile. “It is.”

You sucked in a small breath.

“Seobin?”

He grinned lazily.

“The one and only.”

Seobin was one of the boys that you knew from your time in high school. It may have been a while but you would recognize him on sight. (Considering he had been one of the more popular boys in school.) Seobin had never even talked to you before, and he certainly had never been this close to you.

Heat rose to your cheeks, and you knocked his hands off your shoulders, which he shrugged off like it had been his decision in the first place. He patted your head like you were a dog and looked over at Hansol.

“What’s little Miss Perfect doing here?” He asked, as if you weren’t standing right there. Hansol shrugged, still looking wildly uncomfortable.

“Y/n wanted to come,” Hansol shrugged.

“OoOoh,” Seobin said excitedly. He turned back to look at you.

“Looking for some way to change the way people think about you?” Seobin cooed lightly. You pressed your lips together in thought. “Looking for someone to make you seem, less pure?”

Your thoughts drifted to Jeonghan, and your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“I already have someone to make me less pure,” you mumbled softly. “Don’t need you to make me seem it.”

Seobin laughed in surprise at your brazeness and he clapped his hand on your shoulder, and tightened his grip so that you were still in place. He leaned forward, his nose nearly brushing yours.

“You’re telling me you’re not a virgin anymore?”

Your face burned as Seobin got knocked off of you.

“Fuck off,” Hansol bit out. “Stop messing with her.” 

Seobin shrugged off Hansol.

“I’m not messing with her,” he grumbled. He looked at you. “Am I messing with you?”

You pursed your lips.

“I’m not a virgin,” you said, sounding like a whiney kid. Both Hansol and Seobin stared at you, before finally Seobin burst out in a loud obnoxious laugh.

“I need a fucking cigarette.”

You watched as Seobin dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out a small white box.

You stared at the box in Seobin’s hand, your heart thumping in your chest.

“I’ll just be a second,” he commented. He raised his free hand to pat your cheek condescendingly. “Why don’t you wait here for me huh?”

Your face burned.

“What? You don’t think that I can smoke?” You blurted, before remembering that you were supposed to be keeping your cool. Regardless, Seobin laughed.

“Can you smoke?” He asked.

“Well….” Your foot tapped against the ground in frustration. “I can certainly learn.”

Seobin’s eyebrows rose in amusement, and Hansol grabbed you by your forearm.

“Y/n,” he hissed, pulling you towards him a bit. “What… What are you doing?”

You shrugged.

“I’m going to learn to smoke a cigarette.”

Hansol looked pained.

“Why?”

You shrugged.

“Why not?”

He bit down on his bottom lip nervously and you took that as your opportunity to shake him off and follow Seobin out of the party. Once you two were out in the cool air, Seobin led you so that your back was on the wall of the house. He pulled out a cigarette and gave it to you.

You took it nervously in your hands, noting that it was a bit… Squishier..? Than you thought it would be.

Seobin poked his cigarette into his mouth, clicking his lighter to light the end of his cigarette. He took a small puff and then sighed, gesturing to you. 

“Put it in your mouth,” he said pointedly. Your eyes widened a bit and you did as he asked. Seobin grinned.

“How obedient. Maybe you aren’t a virgin.”

Your face burned but as it did Seobin leaned forward and flicked his lighter on again, lighting the end of the cigarette. He put the lighter back in his pocket. He pulled his cigarette out of his mouth briefly.

“Breathe into your mouth, down into your throat, and then exhale.”

You nodded, your eyebrows furrowing as you breathed in. You didn’t really feel like any smoke was entering your mouth. You kind of liked the texture of the cigarette between your lips. 

Your eyes squinted at Seobin who had decided to pin you against the wall with one hand while he smoked with the other, watching you in amusement. You tried to breathe in again, and this time it hit your throat.

You burst into a coughing fit, which made Seobin laugh at you. He plucked the cigarette out of your mouth and grinned at you.

“Are you sure you can smoke?”

You glared at Seobin and he stuck the cigarette in his mouth. He stared at you, his arms crossed over his chest.

“You know, you’re actually really pretty.”

Color flared to your cheeks at the comment.

“If you really are still a virgin and looking to lose that status…”

Oh my god, was this really all it took? To head to a party, and drink a little beer, and badly smoke a cigarette and then all of a sudden Seobin would want to fuck you. You couldn’t believe it. How easy this would have been if you had just cut out the middle man and come straight here.

“I…” You trailed off and Seobin took a step forward. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and blew smoke in your face. You turned your head to cough and as you did, his fingers came into your hair, and he led your gaze back to his.

“I can make you choke on a lot of things y/n.”

Your face burned red and you shook your head quickly, your mind flashing to that of Jeonghan. The fast image of his eyes flashing in your mind had you lightly pushing at Seobin’s chest.

“I-I think I’ve choked enough tonight,” you said with a nervous laugh. Seobin’s eyes were still lingering on your lips- Oh my god you really were hot.

“Shame,” Seobin finally said. His eyes flickered back up to yours.

“But if you change your mind.”

If you changed your mind you could just call Seobin.

What a crazy thing to think. That you had options.

You stayed outside for a bit longer, begging Seobin to let you try and smoke again. He gave you the cigarette after you begged a little bit, and you got more used to it after half an hour. You didn’t like it, but you did get used to it.

After you went back inside you drank some more, and Hansol started to finally loosen up a bit, less worried about you as you melded in with the crowd of people.

And by the time you got home that night, drunk and tired, you finally felt like you were actually starting to fit in.

-

Somehow you had managed to get yourself invited to a study session with Hansol and his friends on one of the higher floors of the library in their own study room. After hours of studying and talking, Hansol started to pack up his things and he looked across the room at you.

"If you really want..." Hansol's voice was a bit hesitant as his fingers clutched around the small dark vape cartridge in his hand. "We were all going to get high and watch Finding Nemo."

He shrugged off-handedly as if it was something so mundane to him he couldn't imagine you wanting to do it. And that hesitation made sense because to him, this was mundane. You had heard him and Irene making these plans around you a million times and yet you had never gotten an invite.

But today you had somehow managed to get one.

You tried not to come off as too excited.

"Sure, it's been a while since I've seen Finding Nemo."

Hansol nodded, a smile flickering across his lips as he turned over his shoulder, back toward the room that you two had just come from. You followed him, both of you sticking your heads back through the doorway.

"Y/n and I are headed out," he announced. You sent a timid smile Seungcheol's way, and as you did you turned around, excited to follow Hansol off but instead of following you ended up colliding.

You glanced up, squinting to figure out who was staring down at you with an incredulous expression on his face.

You immediately straightened up, pressing your lips into a tight thin line.

"Oh, Jeonghan, you just missed us," Hansol commented. Jeonghan's eyes flicked over to Hansol's for only a second.

"Us?"

"We're meeting up with Irene, Mark, Eunbi, and Yerin," Hansol elaborated and he so clearly didn't see the expression on Jeonghan's face that you did.

You looked away from Jeonghan, and instead found a spot on the floor, wondering why you felt like a child who had just gotten caught at a party by their parents.

"Y/n's going with you?" He asked. Hansol hummed.

"Not as innocent as we thought I guess," Hansol commented. "Asked for a hit of my vape."

"Yeah?"

His gaze was practically burning into you.

"And you were telling me about that party you went to last-"

Your eyes widened and you darted forward, your hand covering Hansol's mouth before you could consider the repercussions for your actions. Hansol stared at you in confusion, and you forced a laugh, letting your hand slide down to his shoulder.

"Can't tell everyone about the party."

"Considering that Seobin taught you how to smoke a cigarette I would think you would be ecstatic to tell everyone about the party."

There was dead silence between you three, in fact, you weren't even breathing.

"You know, considering the fact you're trying to make people see you more seriously."

Why did Hansol feel the need to double back on that? Why did that just make everything worse?

"You know what? That does make me see y/n in a different light."

You risked a glance up at Jeonghan, who had a scarily calm expression on his face.

"Why don't I walk y/n to Irene's? Didn't Soonyoung have some project he needed to talk to you about?" Jeonghan asked, directing his attention fully to Hansol. Hansol's eyebrows furrowed and he looked down at his hands.

"Shit, you're right."

As he thought over Jeonghan's proposition his hand raised to his face, and the light on his vape lit up, the artificial smoke drifting out of his mouth after only a moment.

"Y/n, Jeonghan can get you there. I'll be there in just a few moments."

He held out his vape just the same way that he had a few minutes ago, expecting you to take another hit. You decided not to overthink it. You grabbed the vape, breathed in too fast, and a cool and sharp bit of air and smoke hit the back of your throat. You coughed out in surprise but mostly kept the sudden reaction concealed.

Hansol smiled.

"You're getting used to it. I'll see you in a second."

And then he was rushing off, leaving you all alone with Jeonghan at your side.

It wasn't like you were doing anything wrong. You weren't doing anything that anyone your age had told you not to. You were just trying new things, and hanging out with new people and... Making everyone think differently of you.

Now that Hansol thought you were willing to try all of these new things he was looking at you differently. No longer that smile that haunted you when people asked you if you wanted to smoke with them out of convention. The look in their eyes that said that they knew you were going to turn down the offer, and that look that screamed to you that they looked at you as more of a perfect porcelain doll than a human.

And yet, looking away from Hansol's expression, the way that said that he finally thought you were normal, you turned and looked to Jeonghan's and you saw something else.

He didn't seem to see you as normal necessarily, and there was disappointment, but that wasn't everything that was there... He didn't look at you like you had suddenly changed into something that ruined his perception of you... What was that look in his eyes?

"Cigarettes?" He asked you after a few moments. You stared at him and nodded. "How long were you at that party?"

Your hand raised subconsciously to the eyeliner you hadn't completely scrubbed from off your undereyes. He huffed.

"And you're vaping now too?"

All things that you knew your parents would shame you for, and you felt shame. You felt like you had disappointed Jeonghan, but... Not the way that you felt like you should feel.

"You want me to teach you something today?" Jeonghan asked you. He closed the distance between you two, and dug his fingers into the roots of your hair. "Something like what I taught you the last time we were alone?"

Your breath hitched.

"Yes sir," you barely managed to get out, because as soon as the confirmation was out of your lips Jeonghan's lips were smashing into yours. Your hands quickly fell to his arm for purchase, your eyes smashed shut as every part of you forgot how to think.

You didn't even realize that you were desperately trying to press yourself into the kiss until Jeonghan had pulled away and you realized you were on the tips of your toes.

You stared at him, chest heaving, ready to be obedient for him.

"Today you're going to learn how to be quiet."

Jeonghan shoved you towards a closet and smashed the two of you inside of it. He then dug his fingers into your hair again and forced you down to your knees.

"Today you're going to learn how to suck dick."

You felt your mouth growing wetter as you stared up at Jeonghan, the dim light of the closet framing the dark look in his eyes.

"And today you're going to learn how to hide when you've done something naughty."

You swallowed hard, nodding stupidly as Jeonghan released your hair. He began to undo his belt, the metal clattering loudly.

“Have you told anyone about us?” He asked, and to punctuate the question he snapped his belt. You jumped at the loud crack, watching as he tossed it to the side. You shook your head in negation to his statement.

Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed as he unzipped his pants.

“Use your words y/n,” he said simply.

“I-I haven’t told anyone,” you managed to get out. A smile flickered over Jeonghan’s lips.

“Good girl,” he cooed. Your face burned under the attention and Jeonghan’s hands wrapped around the base of his cock, drawing your eyes back to it.

Already the thing was standing hard and heavy in front of you, the tip of his cock only a few inches from your face.

“You’ve never sucked cock before?” Jeonghan confirmed. You shook your head slowly, your eyes not leaving the length of his cock. That had been inside of you. Not long ago, Jeonghan had been fucking you with that and you had taken it (as far as you were aware) like a fucking champ. You could hardly believe it.

Jeonghan suddenly tapped the tip of his cock to your lips.

“Pay attention,” he mumbled. Your eyes flickered back up to his, an apologetic expression crossing your face.

“Giving head is easy,” Jeonghan finally said, he gave his cock a few strokes as he spoke. “Keep your teeth off of my dick, and focus on taking me as far into your mouth as your comfortable with.”

He eyed you for a moment.

“Why don’t you touch it a little first? Get comfortable.”

The way that Jeonghan was talking to you about sucking his dick was absolutely humiliating. Like you were a kid trying to ride a bike for the first time. Still, you did as you were told. You tentatively wrapped your hands around his cock, staring at the tip as you gave it a hesitant pump.

You looked at Jeonghan for approval which he gave with a small nod.

“The head of the cock is the most sensitive part of it,” Jeonghan said, his breath catching a little as the comment made you immediately swipe your thumb over his tip. You felt a little proud to have made him react like that, so after another pump you did it again.

He readjusted the way he was standing.

“Lick it,” he instructed softly, and his fingers came to rest in your hair again. “Just a bit, get me wet with your tongue.”

You nodded slowly, and tilted his cock up a little so that you could give his cock a very small lick. It felt a little awkward, but you still licked again, and again, deciding to treat it like it was icecream.

You didn’t think that the very minimal stimulation would be good at all, but as you started to lick up the base of his cock, Jeonghan’s fingers tightened a bit in your hair. His mouth let out soft little pants as you licked across the expanse of his dick, before you finally grew a bit impatient. You licked the tip of his cock, your tongue pressing against his slit. He let out a barely contained groan, and so you sucked the tip of his cock into your mouth.

His fingers gripped at your hair, but you still sucked at his tip, the saltiness of his precum spreading over your tongue.

“Deeper,” Jeonghan grunted out.

You glanced up at him, but his eyes were closed. You slowly began to work more of him into your mouth, but you only had a little bit more of him in your mouth when you stopped, your mouth already feeling full around him.

“Is that it?” Jeonghan bit out impatiently. Your face heated up even more and you tried to suck more of his cock into your mouth, but you ended up choking on it. You pulled off of him completely, little tears sprouting in the corners of your eyes as you coughed.

You hadn’t really imagined that sucking cock would be this hard.

Jeonghan sighed and the grip he had on your hair loosened, his hand sliding down your cheek so that his thumb could rub you just under your chin.

“It’s a process…” He said softly. You caught your breath and nodded, before raising your head a little bit to look back up at him.

“How many girls have given you head?” You asked. The question clearly caught him off guard, his fingers left your face.

“Well, that’s a bit personal-”

“I’m going to do it better,” you mumbled softly. You dragged the tip of his cock back to your lips and you closed your eyes as you slowly worked more of him into your mouth. You decided to do it more like you had seen in porn videos. You eased his cock into your mouth, and worked it in and out as you slowly made your way further down on hin.

“Just take it slow,” Jeonghan encouraged you, his hand was on you again, his thumb rubbing your jaw. You closed your eyes tightly and pushed his cock deeper into your mouth. You got a bit deeper than you had the first time before you started to gag again but this time you tried to push through it.

You forced more of him down your throat.

“Don’t push it too hard,” Jeonghan warned. You ignored him, and choked harder around his cock, saliva dipping down your chin. Jeonghan’s hand came back to your hair and he tightly pulled you off of him. You coughed again, gasping.

“I said don’t push too hard,” Jeonghan reasserted. You groaned, your head tilting a little bit.

“I just…” You trailed off as you caught your breath.

“Sweetheart-” For some reason, the nickname made your face burn. “What you are trying to do, isn’t a blow job. You know why your choking? Because you’re taking my dick down your throat.”

Your face blazed.

“Well, that feels better than just a blow job, right?” You asked hesitantly. Jeonghan’s lips flickered into a smile.

“Immensely,” he agreed, and then his face morphed into something more serious. “But you’re a beginner. And deep throating is an expert move-”

“Just give me advice on how to choke less,” you blurted out, not interested in hearing Jeonghan tell you that you were worse at sucking his dick than everyone else before you. He raised an unamused eyebrow at the interruption. “Please?”

“Breathe through your nose,” Jeonghan mumbled back. “If you’re so insistent.”

You nodded, and sucked in a deep breath before leaning forward again. You sucked him back into your mouth, and like before you eased it slowly deeper and deeper into your mouth. Once it was pushing into your throat you were beginning to gag again, but you tried to do what Jeonghan had suggested and just breathe through your nose.

He was yanking you off of his cock again and you fought to catch your breath, spit dripping down your chin.

“You’re doing fine,” Jeonghan mumbled reassuringly. You swallowed some of the spit in your mouth and looked up at him.

“Does it feel good at least?”

He stared at you in confusion.

“What?”

“When I choke on your dick.”

A strange looked flashed in Jeonghan’s eyes and he leaned down towards you. His lips quirked up in a small smile and his thumb pushed into your mouth suddenly. You weren’t sure why, but you sucked on the finger regardless.

“It feels amazing when you choke on my cock,” he mumbled softly. “And I would like nothing more than to fuck that little throat as hard and deep as I want to… Holding back is… Difficult.”

Your face darkened a little and you stared up at him, your eyes wide, the question in them hopefully going unsaid-

“You want me to?” Jeonghan asked, amusement etched in his voice. “You want me to fuck your throat like I’m some kind of animal?”

Embarrassment swirled through your chest, and your pussy burned at the way Jeonghan said it. You nodded once.

“You’ve got to beg me for it, y/n,” Jeonghan chided lightly. “I want to hear you begging for me to fuck your little virgin throat.”

Your eyes fluttered shut in embarrassment.

“Please…” You whispered.

“Please what?”

Jeonghan’s thumb prodded at your chin, rubbing your saliva onto it.

“Please fuck my throat…”

Jeonghan’s hum of approval sent arousal thrumming through your body.

“Now that’s a good girl.”

His fingers grasped both sides of your face and he tapped your cheek to make you open your eyes back up.

“Pinch my thigh to stop,” he ordered. You nodded once.

“O-okay..” You mumbled. Jeonghan grinned, and then he was easing his cock down your throat.

At first, he was being careful. He slowly eased his cock into your mouth, his fingers digging into your face as he tried not to force himself too deep too fast. His moans stuttered as he eased himself in and out of your mouth, his breathing strangled.

But the second his cock dipped too far into your throat and you choked, he was losing control.

He forced his cock so deep into your throat, you felt like you were breathing him in. You gagged around his cock, but just as he was pulling out, he was pushing in just as deep and hard. You focused on keeping your teeth out of the way at first, but the more he fucked your mouth, your eyes fluttered shut as you breathed as carefully as you could through your nose…

His moans sent heat right down to your core. Your whole body ached with the need to be touched as he fucked your throat like he needed to do so to live.

You couldn’t believe the sounds he was making. Couldn’t believe that even though saliva was dripping down your chin and you were choking he was still using you like you were some kind of toy.

Out of nowhere, Jeonghan pulled himself out of your mouth.

“Are you ready for me?” You gasped for air, your eyebrows strewn in confusion. Ready for what?

Jeonghan rolled his eyes, frustrated.

“You better be fucking opening yourself up for me,” Jeonghan elaborated. Because your mouth is hot…��� He began to slide down towards you. “And tight…” He took your free hand, shoving it into your panties. “And so so pretty…” His lips pressed to yours. “Especially stretched around my cock.”

He smiled, and tapped your face with his hand. Not quite sharp enough to be considered a slap.

“But I want to fuck that pretty pussy, and i expect you to be ready for it.”

He stood back up, towering over you again.

“It’s not my job to make sure you’re open enough for my cock.”

A shiver ran through your body, at both the insuation that he would fuck you- stretched out enough for his cock or not- and at the excitement that he was going to fuck you again. Here?!

Your rice purity score was changing rapidly.

You tried to push two fingers into your pussy, but it was a bit of a struggle, so you focused on just the one for the moment.

Jeonghan tapped the tip of his cock to your lips again and you opened your mouth obediently. He took you by the roots of your hair and pushed his cock down your throat. Your fingers stilled inside you as you coughed around his cock, but he mostly ignored it. 

Besides, you still had one of your hands free, and rested on his thigh. An easy cop out if you needed it.

As you tried to focus on your breathing you also tried to refocus on fingering yourself again. This time you managed two fingers into yourself and you started to scissor those two in and out of your pussy.

Even if you were just at home on your own with one of your dildos you would be rushing this. Honestly, you’d probably get impatient right away and just start to force the dildo into you as is, but since you couldn’t control the timing of your current situation, you focused on your fingers.

Jeonghan pressed your head against the wall so he could fuck your mouth better, but he paused for a moment, reaching down so that he could lift up the corners of your skirt. He saw your hand stuffed in your underwear and a curse mixed with a moan left his lips. He pulled you up by your hair.

“Panties off,” he instructed you. “Want to see that little pussy dripping all over the floor.”

You immediately  struggled to step out of your underwear, and once you did you were back in an awkward squat, your back and head against the wall as you fingered yourself and Jeonghan fucked your throat.

Every now and then, Jeonghan would reach down and pull the hem of your skirt up so that he could watch your fingering and the way that your own spit was dripping down your chin onto your shirt, but you secretly thought it was an excuse to let you breathe.

After a while though, Jeonghan couldn’t keep up the pattern. He yanked you up by your hair, and shoved you into one of the shelves against the wall. Your cheek pressed into old wood, your hands knocking over some books.

“What’s your safe word?” He asked you, as if that’s what you were thinking about when the tip of his cock was sliding in your folds. And to make all matters worse he had you mangled in such a way that moving was impossible, with one hand knotted into your hair.

You squirmed a bit, and Jeonghan’s tip slipped into your pussy, only to be immediately drawn out. A sound of frustration you didn’t even realize you knew how to make was forcibly ripped from your throat, and Jeonghan pulled you back by your hair.

“Your safe word.”

Right. You blurted out your safe word, your fingers finding purchase on the shelf just in time for Jeonghan to sink himself inside of you.

Your fingers clenched tightly at the stretch, grateful that Jeonghan had given you so much time earlier to stretch yourself out.  Jeonghan shifted his hands so that he was pressing his palm into your back, pushing you down hard.

“Oh aren’t you so good for me?” Jeonghan pressed lightly. His hand left your back for only a second, and just as you straightened up his hand was smacking your ass.

You cried out in surprise, the hit sending warmth through your body.

“Don’t fucking move,” Jeonghan growled. His hand pushed down your back again hard, forcing your ass out more. “If I put you in a position you don’t fucking move.”

You whimpered back your response and this time when he pulled his hand away from you, you stayed in position. Even so, he smacked your ass again, and you cried out as he began to set a hard and fast pace of fucking you.

“That’s better,” he praised lightly. His hand brushed your hair off of his neck so it was more exposed to him, and then his hand was pressing down on it, pressing you harder into the shelf. “You’re starting to learn to take dick so well…”

As he spoke he pummeled his cock into your pussy. You let your forehead hit the shelf as you raised a hand to your mouth, trying to muffle your screams as he pushed so deep inside of you that you thought you were going to break- No amount of stretching yourself out on your fingers could prepare you for how deep his cock was pushing inside of you.

“That’s right,” Jeonghan cooed, forcing his cock even harder into you, so hard the shelves shook around you. “Better keep quiet. Don’t want anyone to hear…”

He laughed at his own words.

“Well, you do want people to hear don’t you? You would love for someone to find out that you let me rail you in a closet wouldn’t you?”

You whimpered, your eyes closing firmly shut as you tried to ignore him, tried to focus on keeping your voice down.

“You know, your hovering dangerously far into slut territory.”

You squeezed around his cock, crying out as the simple use of the word made a moan rip out of you.

“Oh fuck, I can’t handle it when you squeeze my cock like that,” Jeonghan groaned, his voice rising in pitch as his fingers dug into your hips, holding you still so he could fuck you even harder.

“You know what else makes you squeeze my cock like that?”

He smacked your ass, and as the pain shot through your body, just as he said, your pussy clenched around his cock. He moaned loudly.

“I’m going to fuck you so full of my cum…” He moaned. “Beg for it y/n…”

You knew that if you let your hand leave your mouth you would be screaming for Jeonghan to fuck you harder, but it seemed Jeonghan didn’t care about that because in the few seconds you were considering your options his hand was striking even harder on your ass.

“I said beg.”

“Please-” You blurted out, trying to keep your voice to a steady level, but your whole body was bouncing on his cock. Your heart was thumping in your chest, your own orgasm was rapidly approaching.”

“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, Jeonghan please come inside of me,” you begged. “Need it deep… Need to feel you for days… Need to-”

Jeonghan’s cock twitched inside of you and he forced his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on them hard as a way to keep yourself from screaming as thick ropes of hot cum shot out, deep into your pussy. You came around his cock almost instantly, your pussy milking him of every drop of cum. He gave you a few hard and deep thrust before finally pulling his fingers and cock out of you.

You gasped as you tried to keep your grip on the shelf, your legs shaking as you tried to get yourself together. But, you finally gave up on that and let yourself lower to the floor, your back hitting the wall as your pussy dripped cum. You did your best to try and catch your breath, silence falling between the two of you.

Jeonghan dug into his pocket, and, unbelievably enough pulled out a chocolate bar. You panted where you were now slumped against the ground and stared at him as he unwrapped it a little, breaking off one of the pieces.

“Open,” he said firmly.

You wouldn’t have argued with him no matter the situation. You opened your mouth and let him put the candy in your mouth. He watched you in silence for a little, waiting for you to finish eating that piece of candy before putting another piece in your mouth.

“Y/n…” His tone was scary.

“What?” You asked him.

“Why are you…” He trailed off, sounding a bit frustrated. “It’s just…” He was struggling greatly with what to say. “You’re an adult.”

Your eyebrows furrowed a bit.

“I’m an adult,” you agreed. He stared at you, broke off another piece of candy and put it in your mouth.

“And all of your friends are now adults,” he continued. “And adults, aren’t bothered with superficial things. They care about a person for… That person.”

You stared at him, and opened your mouth, only to be silenced with another piece of candy.

“Cigarettes are bad for you,” Jeonghan said quickly. Your wide-eyed expression dropped to one of dread, and just as you went to argue with him, he covered your mouth with the palm of his hand. “And you shouldn’t be vaping just so Hansol thinks you’re cool!”

You glared at Jeonghan.

“You don’t need to change anyone’s opinion on you,” Jeonghan said weakly. “You could… You could do anything and people are still going to treat you the same.”

You pinched Jeonghan’s wrist, and he gave you a more pointed look.

“I’m serious.”

You pinched him again and his hand fell to his side.

“Hansol invited me to a party Jeonghan,” you said. You shifted so that you were sitting more upright. “And then Seobin taught me how to smoke and he almost kissed me- And he’d never even looked at me in high school.” You waved your hand through the air. “And today Hansol called me cool.”

“Hansol thought you were cool before,” Jeonghan said. “He only said that to me because he thinks I don’t think you’re cool.”

Your ears perked up at that. Did Jeonghan think you were cool?

“And you don’t want someone like Seobin to kiss you,” he sounded disgusted. “If you wanted someone like Hansol, or Hyuk to kiss you I would get it but not someone like Seobin.”

“Jeonghan I don’t care who wants to kiss me. I just want someone to kiss me.”

The serious expression on his face cracked a little, his lips up-quirked.

“Well, I know someone who could do that for you,” he said, his voice dropping a bit. A smile spread across your lips too, but it seemed to remind Jeonghan of what he had been trying to say. “You don’t need to do all these new things if you are just trying to change people’s perception of you.”

“People don’t take me seriously Jeonghan,” you argued back. This time, growing frustrated of the fact that you had just let him rail you just so that he could lecture you after. You got to your feet, and began to put your clothes back on. Jeonghan just watched you from where he was crouched. “No one takes me seriously.”

“I take you seriously,” Jeonghan replied back firmly. You eyed him.

“You didn’t take me seriously until I demanded you sell me drugs.”

Something flashed in Jeonghan’s eyes and he got up in a flash.

“That’s not true.”

His tone was stern, but as soon as he was standing he seemed to notice something on your face. He sighed his frustration and reached forward, his thumb brushing over your cheeks, just by the corner of your lips.

“If you think that someone will only like you because you do drugs and let them fuck you anywhere you shouldn’t be friends with them.”

You stared at Jeonghan blankly.

“Do whatever you want y/n,” Jeonghan said after a moment’s pause. “But your friends. Your real ones, they don’t like it. I would be saying this to anyone. Take it from the black sheep. Don’t do anything that will get you hurt.”

He tugged at your shirt so that it fell right on your body, and then he opened the closet door.

“But keep in mind that you have a lot of people who are willing to catch you if you fall.”

He peeked around outside of the closet and then fully stepped out. He gestured for you to follow, and you did. He gave you one more look.

“You haven’t been offering yourself up to people for drugs have you?”

You shook your head wordlessly. He let out a sigh of relief.

“My number is still the same.”

And with that he waved his hand over his shoulder and walked away.

Taglist (go here to join!):

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[meruz]

hi!! im sure ppl have asked this b4, but i scoured your asks tag for an hour or so looking to see if you answered anything abt it and couldnt find anything, so i was just wondering if youve made any posts on your process for making n selling merch b4? and how you know which franchises you can make merch for w/o getting into trouble w copyright n trademark stuff (hopefully that makes sense, im not sure,,,)

hi! got a bunch of asks abt merch stuff lately im gonna put it under a cut.

preface: i don't know if i'm the best person to ask about all this stuff because I'm doing merch on a strictly hobby basis LOL. I have a fulltime job which takes care of the bulk of my finances, I don't really make big quantities of anything and my main priority at cons is to just make enough money to see my friends in different cities at minimal expense. i pretty much always get a refund when i file my con taxes because my profit after all the deductions is like fucking..nothing.. lmao. So if you ultimately lose money following my advice don't blame me. OK NOW lets get into it

my process for making merch: when I have an event scheduled that I want to make merch for I start by brainstorming a bunch of stuff I wanna make. for mgscon this is what I wrote down in my sketchbook lol

i made a legend to denote which ones are actually just reprints. it gets easier to plan out merch when you already have merch. out of the new merch ideas here i actually only made like 4 of them. and out of the reprints i only reprinted like three. i also came up with like 4-5 other merch ideas after writing out this list that i actually did do. LMAOO UM. my point here is that nothing rly goes as planned.

when i get a merch idea i start with thumbnails what i want it to look like (sometimes this is based off merch ive seen before so its very realized and sometimes its really vague bc im kind of pulling it out of my ass)

then BEFORE i go into making the final art I research how I'm going to make the merch. whether its printing/constructing it myself or looking for a manufacturer. There's a lot of different places that you can get custom merch made, i used to go shopping around at local printing shops but nowadays it's really common to do it all online. For both these jet tags and the washi tape I did some of my own research into manufacturers and also asked friends for their contacts/referrals/recommendations etc. most manufacturers either have their specs/template publicly available or will give them to you when you ask. so once I've locked into a manu and gotten the specs I'll start designing the final art.

then it's sending it off and waiting! easier said than done.

i will say this process is a lot lengthier for some types of merch than others LOL. for prints... I've been doing prints for like a million years and I plan out almost none of it. I draw everything at print resolution so a week before I have a con scheduled I'll simply go through all the files I've accumulated since my last con, squeeze whatever drawings I want into standard print sizes lol (ie. 8.5x11, 11x17, 4x6 etc), and print them at a local shop. takes like a couple hours max.

how you know which franchises you can make merch for w/o getting into trouble w copyright n trademark stuff?

I mean. honestly I don't know. selling fanart is the kind of thing that IP holders kind of just let slide as long as they don't think they're losing a substantial amt of money on it. there ARE a couple franchises people avoid because they've been known to send IP lawyers after fanartists... disney is the big one and they're known for being pretty petty abt it... that's why you don't really see people selling fanart of the disney princesses at cons. ive heard pokemon will also crack down if your project seems to be making a lot of money lol, part of why i think a lot of pokemon fanzines operate on a charity basis. I do feel like the pokemon company has bigger fish to fry than someones artist alley table though so i wouldn't sweat it too much.

it's also generally considered impolite/bad taste to sell fanart of small franchises. webcomics and indie games especially if they only have like 1-2 devs who rely on the income that game makes.

I'm not a lawyer so you shouldn't consider this legal advice BUT I will say... I don't think you should let IP law stop you from selling fanart lol. especially if it's low quantities/not mass produced and you're not making crazy amts of money I think you kind of have a leg to stand on. Besides, most cases it seems like the worst you'll get is a cease and desist.

you Will notice that when people start turning their artist alley endeavors into a real business they'll generally ease up on selling fanart (the case most prominent in my mind is omocat lol). but i love fanart and thats why i will never make money and thats a promise [snake saluting gif]

SORRY IDK IF ANY OF THIS WAS HELPFUL. I've been doing merch and cons for a long time (10+ years lmao, you can find record of this on this very blog) and i think im kind of old fashioned about it. i recognize the artist alley/merch scene is a lot more demanding now than it used to be but start small at local low-risk events, online sales etc and work your way up and remember to have fun and itll be ok i believe this wholeheartedly.

its literally just layers of acrylic like any other dinky charm. I'm sure pretty much any manu that does acrylic charms could do it but this specific charm/template i did order through a group order server. they're pretty well known! heres a link to their twitter

@wheatormeat sorry for taking a full month to answer this... anyways. This is tricky because I've actually been changing up my sticker manu everytime LOL IDK if I've found one I actually love.

these ones i ordered thru an alibaba manu because I was jumping on a friend's group order to save on shipping. it was ok. they arrived a liiiitle late and printed a lil dark but i think thats kind of my fault LOL I use dark colors i always need to lighten things before i get them printed and i think i just didnt lighten these enough. otherwise i rly love the quality!

i realized i never posted these online and also this is not a good picture (the lighting in my living room sucks rn) but i printed these tmnt stickers thru stickerninja they feel really solid but they needed kind of a lot of space for the cutline. but their customer service was very nice and helpful!

these ones i got printed at washimill and i was so impressed with how fine their cutline is... pricing and quality of the sticker itself is alright they feel a lil flimsy? idk. but i do like the printing. i kind of elected to go with them solely because i was already ordering washi tape. A LOT of my manufacturing decisions are made based on how much money i can save on shipping tbh.

and thats my sticker manu reviews dont forget to like comment subscribe idk if i have one im gonna stick with forever or anything im rly indecisive. ideally id like a manu based in the u.s...? because im based in the u.s. and international shipping is pricey. but idk if i keep ordering washi tape maybe ill keep using washimill. who knows...

[cupidspup]

CG!Ticci-Toby x Little!Reader

All art credit above goes to the original artist!!

A/N (PLEASE READ!):

OKAY SO-- It's been a long while since I've done a fic (especially an agere one) SO PLEASE BE NICE (╥ᆺ╥；) I love writing but it takes a lot of courage and energy and when it comes to agere fics it's especially for littles who feel lonely and take comfort in reading a fic! I want my fics to be something that allows littles like me (who have a softer heart and need extra lovins) feel better and more little!! And I've decided to start writing again by being indulgent in what I write! Today's prompt is based off of what I remember from creepypasta when I was young and I'm not very well versed in any of their lore as much as I used to be skdksks if that's not your thing that's okay! I just hope you enjoy my writing! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ anywho! Back to the post!! Below are some trigger warnings if needed :3 I won't be including anything too graphic or anything but there *MAY* be a curse word or two or just more adult things since they're serial killers x) (I'm writing this all before I'm writing it lol)

- ꒰ა♡ Kewpie ♡໒꒱

Trigger Warnings:⤵

Strong language, mentions of blood (past tense/present), implications of death/murder via the presence of blood (past tense and very minimal), mentions of weapons, masc caregiver nicknames (daddy, dada, baba, papa, ect), feminine and gender neutral nicknames (princess, kid/kiddo, tiny)

Summary

Toby comes back to Slendermansion after a long day on the job only to find you asleep in bed! Oh no that won't do! He wants to see his baby!

Not a trigger warning but more so something to keep in mind: I know Toby is/was known for a stutter because of his tics BUT I will NOT write the way he speaks like people used to. I don't have Tourrettes myself but I also know that stuttering doesn't always happen when you have it. I also did do research on him a little and found that his tics are more physical rather than verbal! I would like to avoid doing it until im more knowledgeable about it just so i dont offend anyone on accident ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა If any of you guys feel that I need to change anything or would like to educate me please do in the comments or in private in a polite manner! ^^

It's dark out and you're already snuggled into your bed. Going to sleep alone isn't very uncommon and you've gotten used to it. You and your daddy have put together quite the bedtime routine to make up for your lack of tucking ins! As you're cuddled nice and warm into bed, there's a slight creak in the door.

Not enough to wake you up, it's slow and quiet. You hear footsteps make their way throughout the room, closer to your bed. This is what makes you stir and start to wake up.

The footsteps stop. They know you're awake now.

You groan as you sit up, squinting and looking into the darkness. "Dada?" You wait for an answer. The footsteps resume this time faster.

Finally, the mystery person comes out from the shadows. The gentle light from your nightlight shining on them and it's your one and only caregiver, Toby!

He excitedly makes his way back to your side of your bed, sitting right by you. Before he does anything else he makes sure to put his (now clean) hatchets away before hugging you close. Toby always gives the best hugs, even though his tics are unpredictable it doesn't mean the firm yet gentle squeeze isn't nice to sink into.

"Yes, princess? Did I.. did I wake you? I'm sorry if I did. I was trying to be quiet, but I was just, just so excited to see you! You, you're just so cute when you're snoozin away like that!"

His mind goes a thousand miles a minute, and his mouth can't catch up, especially with his tics. So there's a stutter here and there. Not that it's a very big issue. It's just how your daddy talks! And you love it when he talks.♡

You yawn and lean into him, your eyes closed as you try to wake yourself up more. It's very late, if you were big enough to read the clock you'd probably know but now? Clocks are for big kids and you? You're very small, so the moon shining light through the window is enough for now.

"C'mon, cutie I know you can hug, hug me better than that! You missed your dada, didn't you?" He says in a playful tone, squishing you slightly in his arms. You reach your hands up to him and give him your best sleepy hug. To which he holds you even longer, resting his cheek on the top of your head. When he does you feel this weird wet substance and it makes you fuss a little.

"Mmmm babaaaaa m no like itttt" you whine at him.

He releases you from his hug and takes his goggles off, looking at you confused. "What do you mean, baby? What's going on?" When you look him in the eye you see it, he's got a small cut on his cheek and it's leaking blood. He probably doesn't feel it due to his disorder that prevents him from feeling pain in the first place. You yawn and point sleepily at his cheek. "You gots messy on you face, dada"

He feels around his face before touching his cheek right above his muzzle before looking at his gloved hands. Sure enough there's a spot of blood on the fabric where he touched.

"Oh no that's no good, thank, thank you for telling me kiddo! Daddy wouldn't have known if it wasn't for you! Wanna make it all better and put some...some cute bandaids on it?" He says to you with a smile, cleaning the blood off of his gloves for the most part. You nod with a smile and start doing grabby hands at him, the lack of cuddling and holding already making you feel lonely.

He smiles at you wider than he already is and ruffles your hair a little before going off to the bedside drawer. He always has bandaids handy for you. You two are the perfect pair! A clumsy little with an even clumsier caregiver! What a match!

He carefully opens the box, taking out a few bandaids for you to choose from. Of course these are patterned all cute with your favorite characters on them! You smile at the selection and before Toby can tell you to choose one, you're already opening the packages to each of them.

"Sure we can put all of them on my ouchies! Be super super careful though, sweetheart. I don't want any of your cute pj's getting messy because of me alright?" He says with a cautious but still laid back and nice tone. You nod happily in response before sticking on all of the bandaids. Two actually did the job for what he had, but you also know Toby is never gonna say no to you when you put them all over him. By the end of it, Toby has some on his muzzle, his nose, forehead, even some on his fingers! Everywhere that your daddy has owies on or you know he might have some in the future. Extra love for him can never hurt!

He takes out his phone and looks at himself in the screen. Most people can't tell but because you're not most people you can see the little squint and grin across his face. He seems really happy with your bandaid makeover! He looks over his fingers fondly, chuckling at you trying to think ahead for him.

"How lucky am I to have such a..such a thoughtful lil one?" He says happily before sitting closer to you, his phone still unlocked in his hand. "I wanna remember this moment so how, how about we take a selfie together, cutie? I want to have something to see for when I miss you and you're not with me!" You smile and nod your head quickly at the idea, coming closer to him and cuddling up to his arm, nuzzling your nose into his neck and cheek.

"C'mon tiny, say 'Cheese!'"

"Cheeeee!!"

It takes a few tries to get a photo that isnt blurry from his tics but finally he takes the photo and looks it over. You look it over, too and you feel the swarm of butterflies flutter in your tummy. Being with your daddy always makes you so, so happy. Especially when he's so soft and sweet like this!

"Hey baby I found some, some filters! Let's take a few more!"

Once again you're snuggled up to your silly caregiver, posing for photos with him while he puts bunny ear filters and funny face filters. He saves each and every one and you can't help that fuzzy lil tingle in your chest when you see his gallery is basically only filled with you two. You smile and give him a lil peck on the side of his muzzle. To that he smiles from under it and puts his hand softly over the spot.

"Awe that was real sweet of you kid, what, what was that for?" He says with a happy tone.

Your face flushes a little as you twiddle your fingers, mumbling softly. Something about cute and loving your baba. He chuckles and pulls his goggles off, now seeing you much easier in the dim lit room.

Toby pulls his muzzle down just enough to lean in for a quick peck. He kisses your forehead softly and smiles at you before putting it back into place. ♡ His kisses always feel extra special when he does that. Toby doesn't like people seeing him without his muzzle, especially because of the gash on the side of his cheek. But with you, he knows that extra but of vulnerability goes a long way. You're his baby after all, if you trust him so much he should trust you just the same.

Once his muzzle is back on your stomach let's out a low growl. At first you're a little embarrassed but Toby isn't phased at all. As a matter of fact, Toby wastes no time picking you up and hoisting you to his hip. He rests you onto the side and carries you with one arm (because he's your daddy, of course he can carry his little one no problem!).

Carrying you is never an issue for Toby. It can only be a little difficult when he's has his tics or they come more than just once. But it never stops him! He just makes sure to hold onto you a little bit tighter and tries to move his head away when he does.

It's hard to predict when his tics will come but even when you're small you're understanding and patient. He's doing his best just like you are.

"Let's go get some midnight snacks for that lil tummy of yours huh? A midnight...midnight snack with my princess sounds delicious." He says as he tickles your tummy a little. He was about to start walking to the door before you started to fuss in his arms, squirming as you continue to whine.

"What is it baby what's wrong? Did Dada do something to make you upset? Are, are you sleepy? Hungry? Sad?" He questions as he bounces you gently. His questions come left and right as he continues trying to find the answer. You fussily point to your forgotten stuffie on the bed and turn back to whine at him. With that he finally gets the hint.

"Ooooh you, you just wanted your plushie! You silly billy you've gotta use your big kid words for stuff, stuff like that okay?" He goes back and retrieves your stuffie, snuggling it right into your arms before heading out the door.

This, of course, sends you even deeper into your little space. Even though he tells you to use big kid words, something about him babying you and talking to you that way just makes you melt. And he's fully aware of that too.

Finally, you're both out of the room and headed down the halls of the mansion to the kitchen. All the residents of Slendermansion are very aware of you and Toby and the different aspects of your guys' dynamics. They don't really care what you both do as long as you aren't making other uncomfortable and being civil they're all pretty on board! That or stick to themselves for the most part.

Once you and Toby are in the kitchen he finds a place to set you down by the counter. Before starting his snack preparations he turns to you. "Can you be a good baby for Daddy and sit, sit here for me? Be reaaally careful so you don't fall okay? I need both of my hands for this so that I can make you...make you the bestest snack ever!" You give him an affirmative nod and snuggle your plushie closer for comfort. You see his eyes squint as he smiles, he pets your hair gently before ruffling it.

"That's a good baby, so we'll behaved" He says affectionately, "I'll be...I'll be done in just a minute okay, tiny?" You nod affirmatively again and flush slightly at his praise and gentle touch.

Toby rummaged through the cabinet, taking out a cute bowl fit for a small child. With some more rummaging he finds some baby puffs along with an adult sized baby bottle. Of course, this one is decorated and themed to your liking. He fills the bowl with the puffs to an amount you both can share. He knows you enjoy sharing your snacks with him and honestly, baby puffs "smack" (according to him) and he'd eat them with you any day.

Once the bowl is filled he heats some milk with honey in the microwave (Toby isn't allowed to use the stove unless there's another person with him - regressed babies do not count). While the milk heats up he brings the bowl to you and offers a puff up to your mouth.

"Here sweetheart, say 'ahh' for me." He says happily.

You do as told and he pops in a puff. You chew on that and offer him one, to thar he quickly pulls down his muzzle and lets you feed him a few at a time. Not too many at once due to his gash. After a few more moments of you feeding each other, Ben walks into the room. He comes in without looking up, busy playing with his games on his phone.

" 'Sup." He says as he makes his way to the fridge.

"Hey dude, whatcha up to? Is, Is it snack time for you too? Whatcha gonna do after that?" Toby starts to bombard him with questions, always one to not only strike up conversation but carry that conversation too.

"Jesus Toby one at a time I can barely answer the first God damn question-" Ben says at first before looking at you. He stops in the middle of his sentence before lowering his voice.

"Didn't notice you had the baby with you." He takes a random snack from the fridge and closes it, leaning against the counter close to you while he eats it. Toby feeds you some more puffs, keeping you occupied as you wave at him politely.

Ben has seen you this way before so you don't mind being little with him that much. He's even babysat you before a couple of times, though most of those times were spent playing games (that he would let you win sometimes). Ben definitely acts like the big brother when he's around you. And because he's like your big brother he waves but sticks his tongue out at you right after. You stick your tongue out back at him before giggling a little.

"Hey you two be nice to each other," Toby says, piping up slightly, "I've still got to put them back to sleep Ben, don't rile them up too much either." Ben waves Toby off and rolls his red pupils.

"Yeah, yeah I know it's fine. We're just messing around." Ben responds, perfectly dismissing Toby's protective nature around you. Just when Toby is about to respond the microwave beeps, signaling that your bottle is ready! "Actually, I need a favor from you." Toby says as he takes it out, handing the bottle like it's nothing at all.

Ben looks at Toby with a curious look, waiting to hear what the favor is. Toby hands him the bottle. "Test that on your arm, I need to know if it's warm but not too hot for the baby."

(Of course Toby and Ben's repeated use of "the baby" makes you feel even more babyish and has you regressing even further. Big kid vocabulary is out the window and it's semi-nonverbal time for you.)

"What?? Why?? I don't wanna do that do it yourself." Ben protests quickly, going back to his phone.

"Dude I can't, I feel numb all of the time how, how would I even know?" Toby rebuttals to Ben just as quick.

Ben huffs and takes the bottle in his hand, turning it over his wrist and letting it drip onto him. "Ugh fine gimme that." He waits a second for it to process and see if it's hot or not. Luckily the bottle was just right so he hands it right back to Toby, licking the milk off of his wrist. "Its fine you can give it to the kid now."

Toby takes it with a smile and batting his eyelashes at Ben while he puts the bottle in his large pockets. "Thank you Bennie~" he says with a sickenly, sweet voice. Ben, of course, rolls his eyes at this and keeps at his game.

"C'mon cutie it's time to put you to sleep. Say 'bye-bye' to big brother Bennie!" He says as he hoists you back onto his hip, walking away. You smile and wave at Ben, "Bai Bai Bennie!!" You say happily to him. He looks up and waves back a little at you, a little smile across his face. "Bye gremlin, sleep well."

Toby makes his way back to the room and sits on your guys' bed. He lets out a long sigh as he sits, now situating you onto his lap as he gets ready to feed you. With you rested into his arms and the bottle at the ready, you both were absolutely ready for bedtime. He takes his muzzle off and smiles, kissing your forehead. "Drink up tiny, it's time that... that daddy puts you sleep! I'll head to bed once you're snoozin away don't worry kiddo."

He brings the bottle up to your lips and before he can even tell you to open wide you already do so, guzzling down the sweet drink he made you. Toby absolutely melts at how cute you are, squishing you a little closer just to relish in you. And of course, you cuddle into him just as much.

He always does such a good job at taking care of you and doing all the little things. Even though his tics can get in the way or startle you awake again, you never get angry with him or fuss. Maybe it was new to navigate at first but you know that it was out of his control and he always does his best to keep them under control when it's necessary.

Finally, you finish your bottle and bury your face into his chest. Curling up and fully starting to fall asleep again. Toby puts your finished bottle on the nightstand and rests his cheek on top of your head for a few seconds. Just to savor this moment. He loves these moments so much. He softly rocks you as you drift to sleep, rubbing your back gently as he does.

"I love you baby. I'll head to bed too." He says before laying down fully with you in his arms as he pulls the covers over you both. With a quick kiss on your cheek the night is once again peaceful and you're together again.

♡

A/N: Waaah! It's finally finished!! It took me so, so long to do everything but its finished and I'm so proud of myself for sticking it out QwQ I really hope you guys liked this story, it's truly just so nostalgic to me and honestly has such a nice place in my heart 🩷 This is my first agere fic with a character and I hope I did well!! I was so anxious about this but I think I did well with balancing everything out hehe ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა I'm going to head back to sleep now but I'll have another fic up soon! ૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა if you have any requests or suggestions please comment or submit them to my account I love it when people do those! :3 (also maybe a sorta part 2 with Big brother Ben drowned? ८,,◐⩊◐,,ა ) hehehe okay bye for realsies now, stay safe everyone!૮ ᴖﻌᴖა🩷

[greenunoreversecard]

Update

hey y'all

Uh so...... I haven't done my requests, and I am so, so fucking sorry about that.

Ive been struggling with some stuff and have debated sharing it on here, but that would mean admitting the issues affect me.

But I've decided to just say it.

Recently, I got diagnosed with hEDS (hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome)

Which was honestly expected. I've done mild research on it, and it makes sense, and it also just verified my copious amounts of joint pain is not me being dramatic.

I was also told I had dysautonomia. While I do have a vast portion of the symptoms for POTs (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), I did not test positive as my heart rate evened out after a few minutes and stay that way. And so, because of that, I have to go to a specialist to make sure it's not anything to bad.

this one was somewhat expected I just didn't think it would be as serious as it's become. I thought it was normal.

but hey! at least I have my explanations?

another thing, I recently got told I have a small abnormality in my neck spinal area and that I have to go see a neurosurgeon just to make sure I get cleared for a physical therapy which is recommended for people with hEDS.

so I guess I've just been spending this time trying to finally let myself admit that I am not as strong as I wish I was in that these things do affect me and that they do have an emotional impact on me.

I've also been figuring out ways to minimize pain and such and what things best work for me to help keep me as normal as possible.

as I said, it's all stuff I had inklings of, it just it's really hitting me that I'm not necessarily normal to the fullest extent. And so I've kind of gotten very all over the place.

I'm not trying to make excuses I will get those done eventually and y'all already know that my posting schedule is fuckin- all over the place but I'm just saying it may take a bit more time as I grapple with my physical health affecting my mental health.

sorry for the rant and if it got sad and shit.. uhmmmm...... Whoops?

[dragonflight203]

Mass Effect 2 replay, Reaper IFF:

Schwarzschild

-Etamis – A post garden World. An advanced spacefaring species was bombarded by dreadnought class weapons 20-40 million years ago.

Once again: Probably reapers.

-Atahil – Also has signs of orbital bombardment. Probably had been settled by the same species as the one on Etamis.

-Linossa – Its rings contain nano-manufactured materials. The species from Etamis and Atahil probably mined it for helium-3.

Century

-Klendafon – The Great Rift Valley was made when a mass accelerator round glanced the planet 37 million years ago.

Presumably this is from the round that killed the derelict reaper.

Thorne

-There’s a geth ship beside the Reaper. Understandably, everyone assumes the geth killed the science team and that’s why they stopped reporting in.

-Mass Effect is one of the better series about women, but sometimes unconscious bias shows.

For example: “Default NPCs” are frequently men. Such as all the members of the Reaper research team we hear from or about are men.

Once named characters are involved women start cropping up more frequently, but I’ve noticed that when the writers need a character for a bit part it’s normally a man.

-This mission feels like a missed opportunity. Shepard is exploring a dead reaper from the inside! There’s so much they could learn.

But instead the mission is very brief, and most of it is fighting hordes of husks or listening to logs the researchers left behind.

Why doesn’t Shepard have the opportunity to examine any Reaper tech? To interact with any of the Reaper’s systems? To explore the inside of the Reaper more extensively?

Imagine if Shepard had to find the IFF on their own, instead of collecting it from where the researchers had placed it. Determining where it might be located, making a way to it (it would be beyond where the research team had gone), detaching it from the Reaper...

Just… There’s so much potential for this to be a fantastic mission, but instead it’s just fight after fight in minimally differing environments.

-Cerberus Researcher in a log: But even a dead god can dream.

Very good line.

-Miranda and Kasumi have no dialogue for the Dragon’s Teeth. Google tells me that only triggers if Garrus, Tali, or Jacob are in the party.

You think they’d have something to say about people pierced on spikes in the middle of the Reaper, but apparently that’s an uninteresting sight.

-Geth are not known for speaking.

Hmm. Maybe I was too hard on Project Overlord.

Still, Cerberus should know the geth are capable of speech, even if they normally choose not to use it. The geth served the quarians; it’s safe to assume they communicated verbally with them.

There should be records of that; hell, probably videos. I’m sure quarians took geth with them all over the galaxy when they traveled.

-There are so many husks. And scions! Scions are made of multiple humans.

How big was this research party? And why is this dead Reaper creating the same type of enemy we normally encounter?

I can almost understand the husks. The Dragon Teeth are used in every cycle and create an enemy based on their DNA or whatever. But the Scions? Those must be crafted.

-Kasumi, about the iFF: So the Cerberus team did recover it. But where are they now?

...Kasumi knows what Dragon’s Teeth are, doesn’t she?

-Thank goodness for the Cain. I did not not want to fight that battle the “proper” way.

-The Mission Summary states that Cerberus is researching indoctrination and the husk conversion process. Some nice foreshadowing for ME3.

It could be seen as benign, although we know it’s not. Understanding how something is done is the best means to develop a countermeasure for it.

Normandy

-Jacob keeps advocating for airlocking the geth, but that isn’t even an option I’d have.

It’d be amusing if that was a neutral option, than in ME3 we find the true geth recovered Legion.

-Jacob, if you choose to keep Legion: Tali’s going to freak when she hears about this.

As said before, I don’t think Jacob’s actively malicious towards Tali. Insensitive at worst. Here, he’s fully aware that she will not be okay with a geth being onboard.

…I presume this line is skipped if Tali hasn’t been recruited?

-Edi warns that linking the Normandy with the IFF poses a risk. Hah. Bit of an understatement.

-Legion says that the term Reaper is a superstitious title the Protheans gave. The Geth refer to them as the Old Machines.

This almost feels dismissive of the term “Reaper” and the Protheans. Which is notable, as the geth don’t have emotions.

Well, we know they have opinions. Apparently superstition is not held in high regard.

-Legion says Shepard was killed by the Reapers and rediscovered on the Reaper.

Did Legion know Shepard was alive? Surely he did – Shepard’s been active for quite a while at this point and word gets around.

Still, the way it’s phrased it sounds as if Legion did not.

-Legion was on the Reaper to learn the information necessary to prevent the heretics from using the virus to overwrite the true geth.

How long have the true geth known about this virus?

-For that matter, why has it taken the heretics this long to be ready to deploy it?

They’re storing it on a data core provided by Sovereign – you’d think if Sovereign was involved he could have completed the virus and it could have been used years ago.

But maybe Sovereign didn’t care or the data core was originally intended for something else and the heretics repurposed it. I suppose we can assume they’ve been working on this for the last two years or so.

-Why do the heretics wants to reunite the geth but the true geth do not?

Perhaps it’s because the heretics faction is smaller, and they accordingly feel the loss of the other more. We know geth are smarter when there are more of them.

With the loss of the other geth, Sovereign, and all of C-Space hunting them I bet the heretics feel very vulnerable at the moment. If they can sway the true geth to their side, their abilities will increase and they’ll feel safer.

-Geth believe all intelligent life should self determinate.

Not shocking from a former slave species, but good to hear.

-There are paragon, neutral, and renegade options to accept Legion’s loyalty mission. No other loyalty mission has that.

Only paragon expresses concern for the geth. Neutral and Renegade focus on eliminating a threat to organics.

Codex

-The entry for Sovereign refers to the “Eden Prime War”. This includes the Battle of Citadel.

Does everyone refer to it as this, or just the Alliance?

-The entry is written like Sovereign was just Saren’s flagship, not a Reaper.

This is puzzling because the Codex waffles over whether or not Reapers are real. In Sovereign’s entry they’re not, but in the Derelict Reaper you get an entry on Reaper Indoctrination.

-The heretics might be as small as 5% of the total geth population.

Yeah, I’d hazard the Council is frantically preparing for a possible war with the geth. Wrong enemy, but the preparations will still be handy when the Reapers show up.

[opinated-user]

“The expensies were minimal” FOR FUCKING CANCER TREATMENT

yeah fuck off lily

with comments like that is that you know that LO hasn't even attempted to google the first thing about what cancer survivors go through and how much financially it affects them. again, even taking out of the way that the entirety of the last year she has lived her life like nothing happened, has never changed her routine, has never showed symptoms and didn't even tell her own wife about her supposed diagnosis, how is anyone supposed to believe that getting cancer, chemo and full treatment just won't have any consequences left, financially or otherwise? just how little trust does she have in the intelligence of the internet for her to believe that any of this makes any sense? i did a little research (emphasis on little) and found a couple of articles that sound interesting. let's remember that LO has never specified what kind of cancer she had or what kind of chemotherapy, which makes it difficult to discern exactly what kind of cost she could have gone through... which surely is the idea why she's so vague about it. https://globalnews.ca/news/1656699/the-cost-of-cancer-how-much-do-cancer-drugs-cost-canadians/

depending on if LO received IV or pill, she could have been forced to pay it herself and it certainly wouldn't have been cheap. https://www.partnershipagainstcancer.ca/topics/economic-burden-cancer/

even assuming that LO never needed a caregiver and she never needed transportation, let's assume because she coincidentally happened to live near the hospital that was giving her treatment, we're still talking about around 200+ monthly in medication and medical care. if we do count transportation, that could be up 1000+.

this is the same woman who last year i remember very clearly kept complaining about how she couldn't stop working because else we'd be without money... but now i'm supposed to believe that she spend at least 1000+ monthly very easily and without any trouble?

LO does not have health insurance. i know because she said so and that post is still up. if it gets deleted when i publish this ask, you'll know why.

all of this meaning that she'd have actually paid more than the average office worker.

since LO is from Nova Scotia, let's search "how much does it cost cancer in Nova Scotia Canada."

unless LO happened to become extremely successfull in something that wasn't youtube without also telling anyone about it, then no, the expenses wouldn't have been minimal.

[tabletofruination]

Expedition Log: Casseroya Lake Day One (pt. 2)

[pt. 1, pt. 2 (you are here)]

((cw: mild body horror description, trypophobia adjacent?? no pictures but being trypophobic myself, i am keeping the description minimal. but it is there.))

"--And there we go! Thanks for helping me get set up again, Green. Couldn't have done it without you!"

"Please. Don't flatter me when all I did was make sure that your recording didn't get frozen."

When the camera comes back on again, and the sunlight seems to filter only mildly through the trees as the night seems to draw near. Juliana's voice still has a rasp to it, weirdly, but...it's probably fine.

"But hi everyone! As you can see the sun's going down, but we've finally made it to the other part of the lake--say hello to Socarrat Trail! Isn't this place just gorgeous?!"

"Indeed, it is." Green speaks up easily, and though there's still that strange oddity to their voice, there is a warmth that one can pick up on. "A trail that seems to be in an eternal autumn, as if cradled by the snow of the mountain and the relative humidity and warmth of the sea...truly, a lovely place."

Juliana seems to laugh a bit at that, though it doesn't seem to be rude despite the almost bristled reply it gets from Green. "What are you tittering at, child--"

"No, no! I'm not laughing at you, I promise." Juliana's tone maintains it's brightness, and she seems to smile gently at the camera as it seems to be plucked off of it's Rotostick. "It's just...you really do get enthusiastic about stuff like this, and it's nice to see. That's what I think! You've always appreciated nature's beauty, huh?"

"...Hmph." Green doesn't seem entirely convinced, but they at least let it go. "But yes. I suppose you are correct."

"See? And there's nothing wrong with that! This place is beautiful no matter the time of day, and it just seems like the perfect place to lie down and take a nap..." Juliana seems to stretch her limbs a bit as she works on getting her Rotostick back into her bag, as Green assumedly holds the phone. Green does, however, respond with a small tut.

"Let's not get carried away, Miss Juliana. We still have research to do, and we should make haste. The energy I sense...it's stronger, here. I believe we're on the right track."

"Oh, yeah?!" Juliana's eyes seem to light up, the night finally taking hold as they start to walk down the trail. "Well, come on! What are we doing lollygagging?!"

"I should be asking you that..."

Green seems to sigh as the two of them walk down the path, Green seeming to pan out to the areas surrounding them, Juliana seeming to talk as they do.

"--And it's just so lush in this area in particular, it's almost like it was made for the Pokemon here! I mean, you can't go, like, five steps without seeing some kind of bug type--be it the Heracross around here, the Forretress on the water and in the trees..."

"Mmm. It's practically a paradise for them. I can certainly see why they and the grass types of this area seem to coexist in harmony."

"Oh, that's right! They pretty much like, never go after each other too, right?" Juliana turns around as the camera focuses back on her, and Green seems to make a small confirming noise.

"Indeed, at least from what we have seen. Why would they? This place has all of the sap every bug type could want, and enough nutrients for grass types to be at ease. Even the Sudowoodo are able to be nourished...it is as if nature is in perfect harmo..."

The two seem to pause as Green's camera focuses on something in a relative distance, Green walking ahead as it does. A bright green glow comes into view as they walk down a small offshoot trail, and...

"Woah...Green, is this what you were feeli--"

Juliana's words cut off suddenly, and Green seems to pause for a moment, before seeming to focus the camera on the Spidops for a mere moment--the Pokemon's eyes seem to widen for a moment as something happens, the camera's focus seeming to miss it, and when words are spoken again, something feels...weird.

Very, very weird and deeply off, as something speaks up, but it doesn't feel like a human voice.

"Stand aside."

The Spidops seems to flee at the utterance of those words, and in an instant, all is normal as the two of them walk forward again.

"...This is what I was feeling, for the record." Green speaks up again, clearing their throat seemingly again.

"What is the energy coming off of this...it feels so weird, it's..."

"Place your hand upon it."

"On...this thing? Are you sure?"

"Yes. It won't harm you, I promise. Take off your glove and touch it."

Juliana's hand comes into view as she pauses a bit. Seemingly hesitant and her hand still gloved for a moment before it goes out of view, and when it comes back in...

The camera doesn't focus on it for long, but one can make out an odd...green-ness to her hand. Green and gray, and almost inhuman feeling, with a faint look at what one might be able to see as an almost plant-like something--

"...It feels...verdant. Like all of nature has come together to put it's energy into this. Do you feel it too, Green?"

"Indeed, I do. And I can feel an earthiness behind it as well...this seal is man-made, but seems to be pure, harnessed nature. Made as a wall, of sorts, to keep something within."

Juliana seems to pause a bit, her tone going uncertain.

"...Whatever's behind here, it's...it must be hurting then, right?"

Green seems to pause a bit, as if considering. "...I cannot say I know for sure. But I cannot deny the possibility that whatever is behind here could very well be suffering."

"...I see."

There's a soft sympathy in Juliana's tone as she considers that, pausing a bit before Green speaks up.

"We should turn in for the night. Let us end this off here."

[ga-wsc-fmp]

Reviewing my initial timetable

When beginning this project i planned out a timetable of the things i expected to get done each week. Here I will review the accuracy of this, and at the end I will create a new, updated timetable based on current progress.

Here's my original timetable:

Weeks 1-3 were all about research, and I did spend this time researching the themes, however I also got distracted trying to learn some Unity as well, since at the time I wanted to attempt to do this project in a different engine to challenge myself. This led to the intended 3 weeks to last much longer. In fact development only started during week 7. This is an unacceptably long amount of time, and meant i had spent over half of the project time just on the initial research stages, leaving me with only around 5-6 weeks to actually develop something. This was terrible time management on my part and I fear my grade will be affected as a result. I intend to use the remaining time as best as possible so I can end this project on a high note, even if it means I won't be able to do everything I initially wanted to do.

Weeks 4-6 were supposed to be prototype creation. Here i would create an incredibly bare bones concept version of the project, which would act as a way to showcase the general idea of the project. Unfortunately during these weeks I was still in the research stage. I have only recently begun actual development and as such I am still in this phase, just multiple weeks later than I'd hoped.

Weeks 7-8 (In week 8 at time of writing) were supposed to be the final stages of the MVP, finishing up any necessary extra menus and getting people to play test. Unfortunately as previously stated this was not met, and I am currently in week 8 about halfway through the prototype phase.

I am sorely concerned about my ability to come out of this with a finished project. I expect i may have to skip out on a lot of aspects I'd have liked to have completed, such as creating an in-depth example battle, as well as some nice assets.

Absolute worst-case scenario, I do still plan on developing this further even after the FMP is over. I would love to realise the initial idea i had planned, regardless of whether it contributes to a grade or not.

With this, we can safely conclude that my initial timetable was terribly inaccurate and needs a drastic rework. So here's a timetable for the remaining time that's hopefully more realistic:

Weeks 8-9: Finish basic menu's and actions, creating a solid prototype. Get some feedback on this and make any necessary adjustments accordingly.

Weeks 10-11: Polish out the prototype and add any other needed features. Also import some assets such as music, sound effects, sprites, UI elements, and backgrounds. If there is time then create some of these myself otherwise find free to use assets online.

Week 12: Finish any unfinished features, or discard them if there isn't enough time. Spend rest of time testing and bug fixing. Do NOT start creating new features beyond this point unless absolutely necessary as well as realistically and easily achievable. Week 13: Project should be in an acceptable state to hand in. Fix any drastic bugs if absolutely necessary, otherwise spend week creating an itch.io page for the project, as well as a game play video and working on needed documents to review the project. Also make sure Tumblr blog is all up to date and any drafted posts are finished and posted.

Hopefully this timetable should be more accurate. I will need to discipline myself these remaining weeks and avoid any distractions. I will set myself schedules and reminders to keep me organized to the best of my ability. I should be minimizing my leisure time for the remainder of this project if I want a good outcome.

[amaiguri]

Wanna see the business side of story-based games?

Me! I want to! 👋 Hi, I'm Amaiguri. I'm a full time gamedev and I've released two games before and correctly predicted how much money I would make each time! Wow!

I've been considering converting the webfic I write into a story game of some kind -- a visual novel or a RPGmaker game or maybe even a walking sim? But I didn't know what I wanted to make!

This story has been THE STORY of my early adult life here -- it is SO important to me. So, while I'm a huge advocate of making whatever you want, I wanted to ensure whatever I put my effort into would be VAGUELY marketable. (Because, lemme tell you, webnovels are not marketable XD)

Before I dive in too deeply, **BIG DISCLAIMER**:

I am not a business person. I am using big, wide guestimates to make non-essential business decisions with myself. BUT I want to share my learnings with you. So, take everything I say with a grain of salt and JOIN ME on this journey:

Earlier this month, I made a post about wanting to make a visual novel. Specifically, a kinetic visual novel where you don't make choices and you just read basically. SO I've now done research into how well they sold. I used THIS website to determine how much money each of these games made (VERY loosely):

Juniper's Knot: ~$4k USD

Higurashi (The Whole Series): ~$300k USD (Averaging like 400 reviews per game and $50 for the whole bundle)

House in Fata Morgana: ~$1 million USD

I picked these out mostly because these are the small handful of kinetic novels I have actually heard about. I'm not saying there aren't other, more successful ones I haven't heard about but I figure, if I'm supposed to be representative of my target audience, I'm as good of a sample as any for this wild estimation.

Besides, Higurashi has a whole anime -- it is definitely fair to use that as an upper end -- and Juniper's Knot -- a tiny game no one has heard of -- as the lower end. (I mean, $0 is the lower end, but... you know...)

This paints a pretty stark picture, honestly. Like, this is looking at 6 to 8 years of work for... maybe a couple thousand for me? Realistically? Maybe up to $300k if I'm super lucky and go viral? And I'm not saying that isn't LIFE CHANGING money but like in the MOST MIRACULOUS scenario here, I am compensated less than my current salary for my current magnum opus. But realistically, I'm looking at maybe $1-4k if I get lucky. I'm not a horror-writer and I'm not a romance writer -- I will not have THAT feral of a fanbase XD And on top of all of that, I don't even play that many kinetic visual novels. I'm barely in my own target demo here!

Now, compare that to the numbers I ran on RPGmaker games where you just do narrative and there is very minimal gameplay:

Rakuen: 4000+ Reviews, over $100k in profits estimated

To the Moon: $8 Million in profit

A Bird Story: Definitely sold worse than To the Moon, was cheaper to make and cheaper to buy -- estimated at $397k

Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea: Dunno cuz it's free BUT its manga adaptation has 267 reviews on Amazon -- so the creator COULD have made bank on the actual game

See how much higher those are? Even when they're not as well known? And sure, the bottom is still $0 ultimately but the upper limit, with the most successful of these titles (and incidentally, the video game that convinced me to get into Game Design) is much much higher.

"BUT BELLE! Laura Shigihara did the music on a lot of those! You don't have Laura Shigihara!"

Ok BET! I'll hire her! The base industry rate for music per minute is $100/min. Let's suppose now she charge 10x that, cuz she's famous -- $1k/minute of music. I get her to compose a 3 minute song for $3k BUT she also brings over... say... 5% of her audience to check out my game.

That's admittedly, a high conversion rate so we'll just take 5% of Rakuen. Now, I'm imagining I'd charge like $25/copy of my game because it's gonna be like 300k words -- people pay $25 for a book of that length, so if I have art and programming also, I can do that. With just her 5% of Rakuen reviewers (21 reviewers of her 4.3k), that's like $7k USD. So, she'd probably just pay for herself and then some.

And to top all this off: I'm back in the target demo. I am ABSOLUTELY the kind of person who will play a solodev's RPGmaker game and forgive all jank and flaws and lack of gameplay if the story, art, and music are good.

That is, of course, making the assumption that I'll make good music and art 🥺🥺🥺

Now obviously, all this is WILD guestimates so like. You shouldn't make business decisions off this. I'm barely making "business" decisions -- I'm making hobby decisions. I have a full time job and I intend to keep it. BUT I think it's pretty clear where the potential money might be for me -- RPGmaker games.

Eris (Blinking): Thank you for reading!

[infectedhau]

So there's a new Dragon Age coming out, and as someone who's owned the first three for literal decades at this point without ever touching them, I figured I'd get caught up

My broad thoughts: this is the first time I've seen a franchise go through puberty (disclaimer, I don't actually know anything about the development history of Dragon Age, these are all just my impressions from my mostly blind playthrough. I didn't look up anything story wise, but I did do a little research into builds just to make sure the combat got a fair shake)

Starting Origins, you can clearly see that it wants to be an ARPG, but was realized by a bunch of guys that had only done CRPGs up to that point. You've got these flashy cinematic finishers, a camera that can technically be zoomed out to a more traditional top-down view but prefers to sit over your shoulder, and a tactics menu that basically means you don't have to micro your party at all if you don't want to (maybe you do on higher difficulties, idk, I went through on normal because the thing kept crashing and didn't wanna have to deal with constantly redoing fights). I can feel the Baldur's Gate energy in it, but I can also feel some guy saying "and we want it to be more dramatic and dynamic" while a copy of Dragon's Dogma floats over his shoulder like a stand. Lore-wise, it's a darker, lower-magic setting, which I honestly think works pretty well for it looking the way it does. You've got your occasional crazy armor or fantasy-ass sword, but everything else was pretty grounded, and I definitely got the feeling that I wasn't all that stronger than the enemies, despite being a diet witcher. That being said, it's an older game, so it's pretty easy to break. I played a Blood Mage/Arcane Knight build, and basically every single encounter was solved by stunlocking the entire room to death, which somewhat ruined the immersion of these guys being an actual problem. Maybe if the Templars weren't such dicks about it this would've all been solved sooner.

On to Dragon Age 2, and boy oh boy can you tell this game was made in the early 10s. Everything has gotten spkier and edgier, you've got more impractical armor and weapons, the opening shot is your sister's tits bouncing around as you run through a battlefield, and the game tries to start you as an unremarkable white guy with a goatee and a shitty haircut (I shut that shit down real fast, though I didn't really customize lady Hawke either since from what I understand the customization doesn't carry over). You also see it crawling a bit further towards ARPG territory, now even your auto attacks are flashy and stylish, especially if you're a Rogue, but the bones are still basically the same. You still attack on a timer, you can still click to move, and there's still a pause button. The AI has also improved, I don't think I even looked at the tactics menu and I still got through with minimal difficulty. Also, they retconned a wholeass race, with the Qunari graduating from "humans but bigger" to these cool gray horned dudes. Definitely an improvement, no I am not at all biased, don't look at my Qunari inquisitor lady and my Dranei Death Knight lady and my Au'ra Mahcinist Lady this ain't about her. Also turning the duelist trainer from Origins into a slutty pirate lady was... a choice, but honestly I liked her character, and her, Aveline, and Merrill were my core party members through most of it (still though, put some pants on girl, cmon). This is also where my first actual complaint comes in, that being that they seemed to think the best way to add difficulty was to just swarm you with guys. I don't mind big fights, but having to chew through two or three waves of enemies with every single combat encounter got a bit old by the end.

And now, Inquisition, where we're almost there, it's so close I can taste it. You finally click to attack, you have a jump button, the tactics menu is basically gone, but it's still clinging to its CRPG roots, the pause button haunting your hotbar like a ghost of real-time-with-pause past. I haven't noticed any dramatic changes lore-wise like I did with 2, but they did manage to find some (slightly) more reasonable armor designs and thus far none of my party members are running around half-naked. An overall improvement, and while I'm not done with this one yet I've been enjoying it so far. From what I hear, the new one is finally a proper ARPG, and all I can say is holy hell it took them long enough

[qqueenofhades]

I just saw some article abt a tiktok where a mother asks if her 10 yo's written music piece can be played (yes it can) and she starts with the kid having played violin for 2 yrs but it turns out it's a family thing with parents/aunts/grandmothers involved too...

And the reason I'm bringing this up is because of my university experience. I didn't do anything like AP classes or A levels when I was in high school. My parents have their high school diplomas and they're at very basic levels. I used to attend a different form of tertiary education attended by ppl who had backgrounds a lot more similar to mine, but in academia I'd say 80% of people had university educated people and probably about 10% had at least one parent and/or grandparent with a PhD.

I messed up my MA thesis. I mean, I passed and realistically I know that a lot of what happened isn't my fault (I ran into a serious medical issue which meant my process was delayed AND then my supervisor left after giving me minimal feedback and w/o any sort of decent transfer, after which I was not allowed to get any feedback from the replacement supervisor who was new at my university/in my country).

At the same time, I feel like the situation is definitely compounded by not having any academics in my family. I wasn't raised with the academic sense of thinking (and therefore rely too much on background research because I get insecure!) and I don't have the degree of Background Knowledge that is sort of expected of people when they wanna succeed (and yes languages like Latin are sort of included but the STORIES and HISTORIES are a lot more important, in the sense that learning Latin can be done postgraduate for sure but catching up on many many of the stories and references is a lot more difficult).

I was wondering what your thoughts are on this. I don't know if this really qualifies as a hidden curriculum as technically it ISN'T needed to succeed, but I DO notice that I have had to work a lot harder than my peers for the same outcomes, and the moment I faced setbacks I simply didn't have the type of backup in place (esp with few friends) that other people did have.

Ofc this also isn't to say that people who do have all this background knowledge should be excluded or whatever! It's just supremely difficult to catch up once you're behind, and it really has confronted me with class immobility more than anything else. Jobs in the academic world ARE notoriously difficult to come by, but this is about the step before that - succeeding in programs where previous knowledge DOES really benefit students simply because they're capable of drawing more connections because they KNOW more, and how that should be dealt with. The idea that people who are "behind" in their way of approaching academia and/or the knowledge required being immediately put at a disadvantage (and I know I am and I am a rare case bec most ppl with this disadvantage don't MAKE it to uni in the Netherlands or don't do as well as I somehow managed to do at all), AND the idea they need to catch up in the same amount of time that other students without the disadvantage to catch up... And of course not doing as well be cause we need additional time to catch up!

Like... University to me has been sucu a confrontation with how different classes of people (whether traditional income based or more education based) function and the inequality functions in a way I can't really find the words to express. All I know it's been very difficult and made me feel the odd one out pretty much the entire time I was studying.

How do you feel about inequality in higher education, and I guess also how do you feel about the current postgraduate system (MA/PHD).

Okay, so if I'm understanding your question correctly, you're specifically asking how I feel about how inherited privilege functions in academia, and how this contributes to overall inequality in the discipline/in regard to people involved it?

Obviously, kids from well-off homes, who have access to better education, private schools, personal tutors, cultural/learning opportunities paid for by their parents, etc. etc., all have a big advantage going into university. This doesn't always translate into actual results, but we all know about the nepotism/Ivy League kids who get into Yale while clearly not being very bright (cough cough George W. Bush) because, well, their families have always gone to Yale and it's what they do. I often see people expressing incredulity that particularly noxious American politicians, such as Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, and Ron DeSantis (who all went to Harvard/Yale/Princeton etc) act that way, because "they went to Harvard, shouldn't they know better?" This naively assumes that because Harvard is so prestigious, it must therefore teach a more Correct or Intelligent Curriculum, and totally ignores the fact that when Harvard IS in the news, it's usually for some scandal or gatekeeping or corruption, because it's functioning exactly as designed in transmitting the mentality and privilege of the American ruling class. Harvard is prestigious (and very hard to get into) because of that, not due to any extra rigor or merit in its curriculum. If you have that name on your CV, then yes, doors will automatically open for you whether or not You Personally Deserve It. That's just not the way anything works.

As such, academia reflects the inequalities that are already present in society, and it often magnifies them, especially because the long-term pursuit of higher education is, to put it bluntly, almost impossible without equally long-term funding resources. People either have to go into massive amounts of debt, or rely on having the Bank of Mom and Dad to pay for them. If you don't have and/or want either of those, your options are limited. Tons of people quit because they just can't afford to do it, they have no job options afterward, or they're burned out. Academia is a corporate structure just like everything else, and it's certainly not some magical fairyland where everyone is judged only on the quality of their ideas and nothing else. Getting an academic job is all about who you know and how you can leverage your existing connections in the field. So yeah, it can often function as a microcosm of all the other inequalities in society, and produce narratives that are, as ever, beneficial to the powerful.

That said, I do think there has been important and meaningful progress in the last few generations of scholars alone. Diversity, equality, and inclusion statements/institutional values can often sound canned and stereotypical, but the fact that they're there at all, and have broad acceptance across the academy, is remarkable and somewhat underappreciated. Ron DeSantis and his fascist footmen aren't trying so hard to totally destroy higher education in Florida (and if he wins the GOP nomination, across the country) for no reason, and conservatives aren't so hyper-obsessed with their local school boards for the same reasons. There is more awareness of marginalized narratives and dynamics in the academy than there has ever been before, and there is real and important work being done by a wide variety of incredibly diverse scholars. One critique of academia that really gets my goat, and shows me that those repeating it have no idea what they're talking about, is "academia is all old white men at elite universities!" That just isn't remotely equivalent to what things look like in 2023, or what they focus on. What about that guy who couldn't even read until he was 18, who just became Cambridge's youngest black professor at age 37? Obviously, obviously, more work needs to be done across all levels in increasing access and opportunity. But that shouldn't prevent us from recognizing the real progress that has been made, and just why anti-democratic, anti-intellectual forces perceive it as such a threat.

Likewise, academia is an incredibly fusty and outdated practice based on rules and systems originally developed about 1000 years ago, which is why it can be -- to say the least -- resistant to change. So the whole MA/PhD system is predicated on those very outdated systems, but nobody has really come up with a better one. I was very fortunate to have had the support of friends and family, including financially, while I was completing my degrees; without that, I too would not have been able to finish. Likewise, anti-intellectualism and the idea that all information is created equal, that academic expertise doesn't matter, that all intellectuals/college professors must be secretly lying to you for the power trip, etc., is something that often turns up in left-leaning as well as right-leaning spaces (see, uh, Tumblr, which tends to think that whatever is empirically true is whatever aligns with their favorite belief). So I have to push back on that as well as the rest of it, if that makes sense.

[thedurvin]

A shitpost about the future that ran long:

I was working in the kitchen on fixing some dinner, listening to Spotify on the new model of Alexa smart-speaker. The new one had a 3D display projected right into your space, no goggles needed, and this was my first time plugging it in. I had been splurging on higher and higher tiers of Spotify membership so they’d stop playing ads at me, but with the latest system update that was no longer an option. Even so, I was shocked when the fifth song ended and I found myself face-to-face with a little old lady in a pink pantsuit. “Hi, there, I’m Betty White, speaking to you via hologram from beyond the grave to tell you about the new hamburger sandwich they have at McDonald’s,” she said. “It’s got bacon, and cheese, and a couple of other things we just know you’ll love. You can even have them leave the pickles off, since we know you don’t care for them.” “Great,” I said, unnerved but still going about my business. I was prepared for holo-ads floating above the smart-speaker, but not full-body ones standing next to me. “So, how about it?” she asked. I noticed she was staring me directly in the face. “Can you hear me?” I asked. “Sure, I’m fully interactive,” she smiled. “In my capacity as a hamburger salesperson, at least. If you want to ask me questions about my life or career, you can visit Encarta.com or IMDb.com. Would you like to do that? Affiliate links may apply.” “Uh—no thanks,” I said. “So are you asking me if I want to order a burger right now?” “I sure am!” Betty White replied cheerfully. “Your new smart-speaker’s air filters indicate you’ve over-spiced the pasta sauce again, you silly goose, and I can have one delivered by one of our new Uber-affiliate drones in just a twinkle.” “No, no thank you,” I said again. “Sorry, did the company really think this was a good idea, projecting celebrities into people’s houses to make sales pitches at them?” “Oh, absolutely, the marketing algorithms all agree it’s the way to go,” she said. “When ads were just audio, we could tell from the built-in microphones that are always on that people were always yelling at them and just being really mean. They did some research and found that they’re far less likely to get angry with their favorite inoffensive dead celebrities.” “Couldn’t you just be a head floating above the speaker?” “No, it has to be full-body, standing right next to you in real space to minimize or negate adversarial attitudes,” she said. “And it doesn’t strike you as bad that you’re having to go to this much work to ‘minimize or negate’ people’s reaction to you?” “Look, we’re doing this whether you like it or not, buster,” she said, hands on her hips, with an adorable little pouty stomp of one pink pump. “The marketing algorithms know better than consumers what will get them to buy things, and you can just like it or lump it. Now do you want the hamburger sandwich or not?” “Not really!” I said. “You know, I might have a better attitude about this if I didn’t feel like I was being emotionally manipulated. Maybe it would work better if it was somebody I didn’t mind yelling at.” “Hmm,” Betty White said. “We at Google-Meta-Amazon are always supportive of innovation; let me run this by the administrative algorithms and see. Calculating. Calculating. Okay, they said it was fine, we’ll do a trial run of a million consumers for the next twelve hours. It’ll just be a second while the marketing algorithms figure out who you’d be most willing to shout at but somehow still not turn you off from the products.” “Okay—“ “All done,” she smiled. “Enjoy! Bye-bye now!” She shimmered out of existence, replaced by a squinting Byrlcreemed man in a mustard-yellow suit. “Hiya, ACCOUNT_HOLDER_NAME, I’m Gilbert Gottfried, and you just gotta hear about this new freakin’ burger they got down at the McDonald’s—“

[mimiatmidnight]

Include pics: What are your top 5 ( 10 if you want) royal wedding jewelry ( earrings, bracelets, necklaces) you would want in your personal collection.

Hi, thanks for the question! I'm way less versed with other royals than everyone else who already answered this question, but I did a bit (a lot, lol) of retrospective research to try my best ^_^

Tbh I was surprised how the vast majority of the jewelry I saw was reallyyyyy not to my taste. I thought this was just a BRF problem, but man, most royal jewelry is . . . ugly. Especially what they choose for their weddings. I don't know, maybe I'm just too poor and plebeian to understand the tastes of the elite. But still, I managed to scrounge up a few pieces that I liked. Namely (and in no particular order):

Princess Claire of Luxembourg — Earrings

I don't know if this is a cheat or not, since she technically wore these to her civil marriage ceremony and not the actual big wedding, but whatever, I'm counting it, cause LOOK at that gorgeousness. Stunning aquamarine pendants with a sleek diamond halo? Absolutely lovely. I'd wear these in a HEARTBEAT.

Princess Rajwa of Jordan — Earrings

Especially as bridal earrings go, these are so fresh and unique. She didn't go for the tired old look of dropped pearls that eeeeeeveryone and their mama falls back on for wedding looks. Plus that double-draped line is so cool, especially with how the stones are all irregularly shaped and sized. (My friend is reading this over my shoulder as I write this, and she says the shape of the earring looks like a vagina to her, but ignore her, she drinks). These earrings were a super interesting and pretty choice that complemented her tiara well, but would also not be out of place on a peasant like me to get dressed up in.

Archduchess Gabriella of Austria — Earrings

If I absolutely have to go for dropped pearls, this, in my opinion, is the way to do it. Super minimal, sleek, letting the pearl speak for itself, with nothing but the tiny diamond stud to help balance it out. Very nicely done here. Tbh I don't think it matches particularly well with the tiara she chose, but that's not my business lol. We're just talking about what I'd take for my own closet, and these earrings are for sure the most wearable of any royal bride I've seen yet.

Queen Sofia of Spain — Necklace

Similarly, Sofia's necklace was probably the wrong choice for what she had going with the neckline of her dress at the time. It's getting overwhelmed by all that high-necked lace, unfortunately. BUT, as you can see, she wore it multiple times afterwards (swapping out the cross pendant for a simple diamond), as well as her daughter-in-law Letizia, and both of them had the sense to pair it with much more open and clean necklines, where you can see that absolutely lovely shape and glitter of the piece. I don't know what this kind of pinched, V-shaped design is called, but I love it.

Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex — Ring

Now, in my research for this post, I'm obviously not pretending I was able to closely scour every single royal bridal look ever. But I did go through a LOT, and none of the ones I saw ever experimented with some fun statement rings like Meg did. I love this absolutely enormous aquamarine on her, both because it's so bold and unexpected, it's objectively beautiful on its own, and of course, its connection to the story of her late mother-in-law.

BONUS: Princess Eugenie — Tiara

Okay I know you probably did not mean for tiaras to be included, and so I tried very hard to work around that. But I'm sorry, I just have to sneak this one in at the end. As I mentioned in another post a while ago, I've been largely unimpressed with the tiaras I've seen in the past (though I did come across some interesting ones while researching this post), but I make absolute exception with Eugenie's wedding tiara. I suspect I might be partial to the Kokoshnik tiara style in general, but what the Greville in particular pulls off with those breathtaking emeralds and the perfectly sloped shape and all those lovely scalloped diamond details . . . perfection. Truly. Best piece of royal jewelry I've ever seen in my life.

[beatrice-otter]

22, 40, 73!

For the record, I really prefer when people quote the meme, because I do not always manage to remember that I need to open it in a tab so that I can go through and reference it and figure out what they're asking. It's all good this time, because I did remember to open it in a new tab and it's this one, but for future reference!

22. describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

That varies depending on the story. Let's go with a fairly common writing process when I'm writing fic for exchanges, which I do a lot of because if I don't have a deadline I rarely actually ... finish anything.

My first step is reading through their signup to see what we matched on. If I'm lucky, they'll have given prompts, at least one of which will resonate with me. (Lists of tropes they like are pretty much useless to me; I have never once gotten inspired by a list of tropes.) If they haven't given any prompts, or haven't given any that I groove with, I will let things percolate for a while, going back to re-read the signup.

When I have an idea--and it's usually pretty vague at this point--I copy the stuff from the signup sheet into a blank document and delete the stuff I don't need (DNWs I would never write, prompts I'm not interested in, that sort of thing). With the deadline in bold at the very top. This way I have it all in one place and it's easy to check things. Then I start writing the story, mostly based on vibes at this point.

Usually, once I get actually started writing, my hindbrain will engage and give me stuff to write. Often times in the form of things that have to happen near the middle/end of the story. I will write a skeleton form of those--usually a brief summary of any scene that comes to me--down at the bottom of the document in italics, in the order things need to happen in the story. Once I know where I'm aiming at, I can usually get there with minimal problems. As I get to stuff in my summary/outline, I delete it because it's no longer necessary.

When there's stuff I need to research or decide--names of OCs, canon details I've forgotten, rl stuff I don't know off the top of my head--I put that in brackets and move on, so I don't get stuck. So instead of trying to figure out a name, I just write [CHARACTER1] and then when I'm done with the story I can take the time to pick a name without it derailing me from writing, and then do a replace-all.

When I'm done with the story and have gone back and filled in everything set aside with brackets, I send it off to betas if I can. There's rarely any major changes needed, but sometimes there will be fandom specific stuff (pronouns in TGE fics my beloathed), and also, by this point I usually hate the fic and/or think it is the worst fic anyone's ever written, so I need the reassurance that it's actually fine. Also, I have a problem with endings. As in, my natural tendency is to stop without wrapping things up very well, so I can never tell "is this a decent ending, or does it need something else to tie it together."

Then once I've gone through and made the changes suggested by my beta, I save the fic as a .txt file and do an advanced find-and-replace in Word to put in the html codes and copy-paste it into the AO3 Work Text box (HTML, not rich text). Here's a tutorial on doing html code by find-and-replace, it works with most word processing software except google docs.

Then comes the agonizing part, choosing a title. And usually it stops me cold and I spend hours going through poetry websites and quote websites and hitting refresh on a couple of title generators until I come up with something that I don't hate with the passion of a thousand burning suns. (Sometimes I give up and go with something I hate.)

Then I tag the fic, using this checklist to make sure I don't miss anything important.

Then I hit post!

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

If you mean feedback as in "writing advice" I have no idea. If you mean feedback as in "comment left on a fic" the one I remember most clearly the joy of receiving is this one.

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

I do not visualize anything, like ever. That is not how my brain works.

I hear the scene--the dialogue--and will pace back and forth saying each character's dialogue in turn. Or lie in bed telling the story to myself, mostly in the form of dialogue.

When I started writing, one of the things that was hardest for me was to learn how to put in the visual things that other people need--scene descriptions, facial expressions and body language, you name it. A very early beta once told me that she felt like the characters were disembodied voices in a featureless white space, and this would not work for most people. They were right.

[1d1195]

Tbh I dont even KNOW how many courses i’ve taken 😭 But I'm pretty sure it has been over 20 since I found your blog which was maybe the end of my first year or the beginning of my second year? So like 2021-2022? Idk but even then I didn’t even start giving feedback/ talking with you until like later I think? And that was without my emoji (my memory isn’t great anymore lol) All I know is that I think it was during the Protection era where I decided to ask for an emoji lol ANYWAYSSS But yes I am almost done soo! But I start my final year in the Fall! Very excited but also fucking terrified lol But your kind and encouraging words mean SO much to me!😭💗

I think youre so cool too! Seriously you're so NOT lame lol Oh your bf isn't a binger watcher?! This is so tragic! I fear I could not handle that depending on the show lol I'm not saying to lie about not knowing what happens but alsooo self care does include binging shows👀 btw Tina’s episode was SO what this season needed because it was just so perfect for her character! Loved it so much how it touched up so many things! And her moment with Micheal was so 😭 

Girl you’re so real for that lol You’re not being bitchy at all! Being a teacher was hard way before this pandemic hit and with this dynamic of online learning came into play like i can't even imagine! And now doing a hybrid style in person and online is another dynamic! But yeah they did put themselves in that position so it just sucks all around because no one really wins lol 

Btw I'm the same too lol. when it comes to my emotions my mind is like ✨no you're dramatic stfu✨Your concerns are so valid! And it sucks that even for a simple concern is such an obstacle to even obtain the right info/resources. Plus women’s health is severely under researched but that’s another thing lol But yes! Please do that like you deserve to be heard in all aspects! And you could NEVER make me feel like you’ve minimized my issues! It’s nice to let it out and you never know how many people may feel the same, so you are not alone!

Oh her insecurity very much resonated with me! In my head that makes total sense! She loves him so much that the fear of not letting him grow into the best version of himself is scary! And by the amount of love she has for people and him I get her actions! It’s very much not okay to have made that decision without talking to him, but they are young so these are just things they have to learn about! Of course my love the next parts be amazing! Seriously you’re in my opinion one of the BEST writers on here! kinda funny your bf is trying to teach you about writing ngl I giggled lol

Hope your week has ended so well! Any plans for the weekend? Love you lots!!!-💜

FINAL YEAR HOW EXCITING. I knew you had to be close to being done. I'm so happy for you! You're going to do great things 💕

IT'S THE WORST. HE GETS SO DISTRACTED ALL THE TIME WE WATCH ONE EPISODE EVERY THREE DAYS. Fortunately, most of the time we don't have the same taste in shows so I can binge my shows in between viewings of shows we watch together but it's painful. I'm going to tell him we have to watch the last two episodes in one hit. I LOVED Tina's episode, but I do kinda wish they put it in an earlier season just because I feel like I hated her for so long. Maybe that was their point and plan. I get that I can't know everything all at once lol 😂 The part with Michael was heartbreaking but I loved it too! 

Thank you for all your kind words regarding teaching and my mental health! They mean so much 💕

You're so sweet 😭 I am lowkey struggling with the second part (mostly because I've been writing bits of the other parts so it's hard to connect pieces of it a little hehehehe) but my brain is just really unfocused these days. It's a bit unfortunate, but I think it'll be okay.

Truly, your thoughts are SO helpful 💕

I think his genre of writing is OBVIOUSLY very different than mine. But it's funny to hear his thoughts and ideas. He's trying to make money off his writing, so I'm not very equipped to give any advice on that front. But he's so WHINY about it. He's like "I'm stuck on the ending" and I'm mentally I'm like "Yeah, and? We've all been there." Poor guy. 🤭

I met up with a friend from high school yesterday and hung out with my fam--they're nuts. I have a family thing tomorrow so I'm hoping to do most of nothing today except write and chill out. The weather has been so hot and muggy here. It's supposed to rain for a good chunk of the day but I'm hoping it clears up so I can go for a walk in the evening. I've been a little lazy the last couple days so I need to do better.

How about you?! Hope you're doing something fun! LOVE YOU!!!

xoxo