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ghostofsnails · 6 months

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rambling about art "Perfectionism" (+ my experience)

Lately I've been looking for advice about curbing perfectionism but couldn't find anything that worked for me. I feel that so much of the advice out there is just too surface level. It wants to target what I consider the symptoms (perfectionism itself / fear of messing up) and not the real source of the problem, or the "why", which is something that will look a little different for everybody. If you really want to curb perfectionism, the serious answer, in my opinion, is to start by looking inward. If you've done that and found that you're anything like me, with problems that feel like compulsive fixing, uncontrollable hyperfocus, and/or paranoid thoughts that your art career is doomed and everyone is secretly making fun of you because the angle of your oc's mouth is off by 2 degrees, hearing the advice that looks like "Here's a fun little drawing exercise to do every day!" over and over again is probably starting to feel more demoralizing than anything. So instead, here are some tricks/reframing devices that I use in place of some of the really general ones.

The first piece of advice I see everywhere is to "make bad art on purpose" to get over the fear of making mistakes. As a literal exercise, this just doesn't work great for my specific problem. Sure, I can draw some crappy sketch in 5 seconds if I want or waste all my spoons on making something I hate, but it offers no real support in terms of my "compulsive fixing" issue, which is where everything really goes wrong in my process. If it was as easy as saying "I'm just going to Not Have Compulsions!" I wouldn't be here writing this. But I have learned to relieve a small amount of the paranoia and anxiety that my compulsions stem from with the following exercise!

Essentially, I look through some of my favorite artists' work and find some stuff I really enjoy. While I do that, I look for mistakes, confusing choices, and inconsistencies in the work. I then ask myself: Why do I think this art piece still works so well despite all these errors? Does seeing these errors change my feelings about the piece or about the person who made them for the worse? (Spoiler alert, the answer to the second question is always no.)

I will then literally repeat the answers to those questions over and over and over again to myself while I draw. Does this completely or even mostly fix the problem? Definitely not. But if you're like me and at the point of desperation, this is something that's had a small yet significant impact on my workflow and my mindset as I approach making art in general. If my favorite artist can make a weird mistake on something and I love the piece anyways, then maybe it's okay for me to also make and leave in a weird mistake or two. The other good news is that I've noticed the effect of this has increased over time! In the past few months, and for the first couple of times in my life, I've been able to actually ignore a small handful of my compulsions to fix things while drawing. Which is actually so insane and probably my proudest moment of "invisible" progress I've ever made.

It's definitely worth noting, however, that this exercise is not going to work if you don't or can't approach it in good faith. You cannot give up immediately with "I'll never be this good, this artist's work is perfect." Nobody's work is perfect. If you look for ages and genuinely can't see any mistakes, that probably means you're looking at an artist way outside your skill level, and believe me, I've been there, it's super demoralizing. That's why most of the artists I look up to now are those whose work is just a few levels above or next to mine, because being able to spot errors not only makes their work feel more authentic and easily relatable, but functionally speaking, it keeps me inspired without getting locked into self-pity mode.

I'm obviously not going to put any artists I love on the spot here, but I'm going to list a few errors that I myself see very frequently in my specific corner of the art world: Inconsistent or straight up weird limb lengths, floating facial features, broken lines, color spill, and awkward tangents. Often times, the "errors" I notice aren't even true errors, just results of stylization that I get paranoid about in my own work. And this is super important too -- seeing those kinds of "errors" in art that I unabashedly love helps to soothe the paranoia that I'm doing something "wrong" or that everybody secretly hates me because I drew the eye 2 pixels too far to the right.

Other times, what you notice doesn't have to be an "error" at all. Maybe you just see untapped potential or find something that you would have done differently. For example, maybe you think a different light source or perspective could have improved the atmosphere of a piece. I often feel that many of my favorite artists' work suffers from a lack of contrast.

But the point of this entire exercise is that even when I apply a mock version of my compulsive behavior with art that I love and pick it apart as much as I possibly can, I realize that I STILL LOVE the artwork I'm looking at just as much if not more despite all the "mistakes". Rarely do the errors take anything away from the piece that they don't replace with a sense of life and authenticity. And as a bonus, now I'm ten times as excited to go draw and try out some new things!

And for the record -- this isn't the sort of thing I dedicate "15 minutes a day!" to doing, but something that comes pretty naturally to me whenever I come across art I really love. And speaking of TIME, one other piece of advice I see everywhere is to set a timer and give yourself just a few minutes to draw such and such. This is a piece of advice that logically I know SHOULD work, and despite the fact that it DOESN'T for me I would STILL recommend it heartily. My only problem with this piece of advice is that my brain just does not work this way. Time is just way too arbitrary and setting a "fake deadline" doesn't do anything to fix the issues that are making me take forever in the first place. So instead, in order to try and improve my speed in my digital art, I've started to stay more zoomed out of my canvas as I draw. This better mimics the experience of sketching on paper, something that's always been easier for me since fixing mistakes is so much less convenient than it is on a digital program.

Don't get me wrong though, if you're like me and used to drawing while so zoomed in you can count the pixels, this is going to be even harder than it sounds. I avoided this piece of advice for years because it was so viscerally uncomfortable to let go of the feeling of "control" I had over my pen strokes while zoomed in. But I gave in a few weeks ago when I was having such a hard time getting a pose down after days of attempts that I was willing to try anything. And honestly, the results were a MUCH needed morale boost. I saw improved speed, dynamism, and stylization pretty much instantly. I've been pushing myself to do this with all my subsequent art pieces and while I forget to do it every 15 minutes it's still made a surprisingly large and positive impact on my workflow.

Yes, I still feel the compulsion to "fix everything" in the refinement stage. But if I pair this with the advice above, the amount of compulsive fixes I makes goes way, way down. Especially if I remain relatively zoomed out during the refinement stage!

In conclusion, I'm not saying that the og art advice was dumb or bad or never works. This post is extremely specific to my situation. As far as I know I might be the only person in the world who spends extra nightmarish hours on every piece adding and deleting and readding unnoticeable layer effects, color adjustments, and details and "fixing" and unfixing and "fixing" every conceivable possible detail whilst sitting there begging myself to just stop so I can go eat or move on with my life or do literally anything else. And the fact that on top of that I go into hyperfocus every time I so much as LOOK at my Ipad makes any "take a break" solution near impossible if I don't have a seriously involved outside support system to take my mind off of art, which I don't.

Thanks to all of this plus typical life stuff, I've been drawing less and less in the past few years. It's hard to start anything knowing that once I do, I'm pretty much not going to have a life again until it's finished.

And drawing less also means that when I do draw, I'm drawing much slower, which draws out the length of time I have to deal with these problems and therefore makes them unignorable. I used to be able to finish up a full piece in 5-8 hours, basically a school night, and because it was finished I could focus on my responsibilities the next day until I started to draw again. But now I'm spending anywhere from 8-16 hours on simple bust up character drawings. That's crazy! Honestly reading all this back, I guess it's no wonder I'm so burnt out and exhausted all the time!

I'm never going to completely stop drawing. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I physically could. But I would really love to get to a point where art feels fun and freeing again, and where sitting down to sketch on paper for 10 minutes doesn't mean throwing the entire day away.

So if anyone else out there has got advice for me I would absolutely love to hear it. And I'd also love to hear from anyone who can relate to any of this, because as much as I was joking earlier about being the only one in the world, I haven't actually been able to meet anyone else who gets what I'm going through. And wow it is so difficult to put into words, too. I rewrote this post a million times. But that's all for now! Thanks for reading.

#the dead speak!#rambling #vent

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thecryptidart1st · 2 years

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Thank You <3

Let me reintroduce myself to those who have been following since my beginnings and introduce myself to those of you who just joined:

I’m @thecryptidart1st and I’m trans. My pronouns are he/they.

First of all, I want to thank everyone for getting me to 2k followers. I am still very humbled that people appreciate my art, from my Soldered Wires AU to The Graveyard Shift to my earliest days of this blog where I was trying to figure out what to post. I never imagined one person to be following me, let alone 2000 of you. A lot of times I worry that I’m kind of a hack who just got here by sheer luck and cheap drawings, but when I see your comments and interactions with every post, it validates that I am an artist and at least there’s always going to be someone out there who likes what I draw. And that feeling has been encouraging me to keep drawing and improving my skills since I’ve graduated from school and hopped from job to job. I know I’ve had my inconsistencies with keeping up on asks and messages, and I feel guilty when my depression stops me from doing what I like, but almost every time I get back in the groove because I miss interacting with you guys.

I’m sure there are a few who have a lot of questions about my new identity and it’s been quite a journey getting to where I am now. In short, I’ve spent probably 17+ years of my life being unhappy about being a girl physically, but in major denial about changing it. And it’s funny, but Scott Cawthon unintentionally wrote the one character into his line of games that I emotionally attached to because our lives were basically the same:

Yes, Michael Afton made me trans.

Okay, not entirely, there was me emotionally attaching to the male Pokemon protagonists because “they had better outfits” and years of creating stories that featured a lot of male protagonists that gradually got more LGBTQIA+ with in-depth backstories and relationships while my female characters got left in the dust. And a ton of other media and fandoms that were gay as heck.

But for some reason, the FNAF series was a weird gateway into realizing I wasn’t a straight cis woman. And the more and more I learned about Michael’s backstory, relating to his life struggles, and just wanted to draw him having the kind of love I wanted for myself, I realized that I wasn’t a broken woman, but a man trying to crack out of this egg I was stuck in for so long. I only came to terms with this when I wore my first binder just this last weekend. And now this announcement timing up with my 2k followers is wonderful.

So I’m looking forward to what comes next for me as I try to figure out how masculine I want to present myself as and as I come out to my friends and family. But, I’m glad it’ll be alongside with my partner and all of you FNAF fans across the spectrum!

💙💖🤍Thank You🤍💖💙

#status update #2k followers #coming out #coming out post #transgender #transmasc #he/they #trans pride #fnaf made me gay #michael afton made me trans #self doodle

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yourlocalsimpsonsandsanriofan · 1 year

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💫A goofy AHHH review💫

hey guys it's ya boi Rusty here again!! and I'm here to review:

Yes yes, I can hear y'all now saying "but it's made for kids" "bro why are u watching this" 🤓☝

Stop right there, bud. ✋

This show is pretty good so far, all things considered! I decided to watch it for the nostalgia (and for mah boi Smee ofc!)!! I watched this show a little bit when I was younger, so I remember it fairly well. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it isn't cringe! (Well, some parts are a little iffy but we'll get to that in a minute.) It's actually tolerable and even made me laugh at some parts!

💫The songs💫

The songs aren't that good, in fact their kinda cringe. (But ofc I gotta go easy on this show cuz yes, it is intended for little kids with no brain cells.) At the end of every episode (wich usually consists of two episodes ranging from 15 minutes long each, making up the 30 minute mark.) There's these two ideots called Sharky and Bones who sing a song, and it's cringe. The lyrics arent funny, and their singing isn't even that good. I get that the humer is supposed to have zero brain cells, but come on guys. U gotta try a bit harder than that. The background music for the episodes is ok, nothing I would casually listen to though.

💫The characters💫

We have a few new characters to add to the Peter Pan universe by the names of Jake, Cubby (WHY ARE THEIR TWO CUBBYS?!), Izzy, Skully, Sharky and Bones. (And Captain Hook and Mr. Smee of course!!) The character designs are good, they work well for everyone, except Hook. Hook just looks weird in this art style honestly. And at first I didn't like Smee's design in this, but it grew on me. (The og is still better though!) In fact, he might even look kinda cute! :D

The voice acting for them is great too!! Its very expressive and something you wouldn't normally get from a kids show. The new voice actors for Smee and Hook almost sound IDENTICAL to the og's! There are some minor differences, but nothing to really make me get annoyed at. The animation is smooth and fluid too! I can tell that they used computer Riggs, but it's barely even noticeable! Which from what I heard, computer Riggs are pretty hard to do. So thats honestly impressive!

💫The insecurities of Jake and The Neverland Pirates💫

First off, I wanna talk about how Smee is portrayed. In the og movie, he's supposed to be a bumbling ideot (but a lovable ideot imo!). In this series, he seems to have a few brain cells, which I dislike. They didn't stay true to his character! Neither did they with Hook. He isn't that goofy anymore, neither is he evil, but he's in between. I can't really describe it, but something is off with his personality.

Like I said before, the music isn't very good, and neither is the pacing of each episode. It's inconsistent and feels too slow at times. The plot points for each episode are predictable too. The kids find something to play with, and Hook wants whatever it is and steals it and they take it back etc etc. The dabloons make no sense either! They collect dabloons each episode for their chest, but why?! What does it accomplish?! Maybe Im not smart enough to understand but that makes no sense to me. It's repetitive too, but not to the point where u want to shove a gun into the side of your head and call it quits. Like I said, it's tollerable! It does feel like Micky Mouse Clubhouse though (I HATE MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE.), but with Peter pan 💀

💫Conclusion💫

I like this show, and I think it's cute! It has potential!! Maybe just get rid of the repetitiveness and the cringe songs and it could be good! I reccomend this is you want the nostalgia from your chilhood (well technically I'm still a kid but whatever LOL)!!

That's my thoughts on this show! I haven't finished the first season yet, but maybe my views will change, but well see. But when they do, I'll keep u posted!! Thanks for reading this and I hope you have a spectacular day/night!!! I love you :D❤❤

(Oh yeah one last thing I gotta note is that Smee actually referred to Hook as "your greatness" 🤨 idk man..)

#Review #Jake and the Neverland pirates #Peter Pan #Disney #Jake #Izzy #Cubby #Skully #Captain hook #Smee #Mr smee #Show review #Opinion #This show has potential!!!#Let me know if you agree with me in the comments!! ❤

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ssukidesu · 9 months

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Inextricably Knotted (an Inukag + Jane Eyre AU) [Chapter 4]

Summary: Kagome Higurashi was orphaned as a baby and raised by her cruel aunt until the age of ten, after which she went to school and learned the art of service and self-suppression. Now eighteen, Kagome takes a job as the governess of Shippo, the young ward of the great and mysterious Lord Inuyasha Taisho.

But as Kagome gets to know her bemusing master, a ghost seems to haunt his estate, hinting that there is a long-lost secret hiding on the third floor.

(Read on AO3)

tag list: @heynikkiyousofine @xanthippe-writes

Chapter 4: Status Quo

A near month had passed since the coming of Jidai-Ju’s master. After the servants grew used to his presence, the house adjusted to its new status quo, and a feeling of normalcy returned.

As before, Kagome’s days consisted of active lessons with Shippo and passive assistance with Kaede. However, where there was once near mindless wanderings between tasks, there was now an air of anticipation that punctuated her every task. Many times, Mr. Taisho would summon her—sometimes with Shippo, sometimes without—for evening company. His talkativeness varied so much that she stopped trying to anticipate how much exactly he would speak to her. Indeed, his attitudes generally proved rather changeful; some nights, he would smile and quirk his brow in a way that told her he was giddily entertained by her quips, while other nights, she would resign herself to read silently while he sulked wordlessly and stared at the fire. And some nights—most nights, actually—he wouldn’t summon her at all.

When they passed each other in the halls during the day, she found him just as unpredictable. Sometimes he would offer her a kind greeting—other times, a glowered brow and snarled mouth. But she was not bothered by his inconsistencies, nor did she take them personally; it was quite obvious that whatever catalyzed his ever-altering moods was not related to her.

On her part, Kagome liked it better. Though the winter had fully set in, something about the estate seemed lighter, brighter. The air itself seemed to clear up more every day, and Kagome wondered if his return quite literally chased away unseen demons that had before blighted the land in his absence. Even she felt livelier every day.

Today was a uniquely uneventful Wednesday. Kagome had finished her morning lessons with Shippo and had summoned lunch when Shippo whined from the library window.

“Miss Higurashi, could we please go to the armory? I heard that Lord Taisho is working in there now, and I really want to watch!”

Kagome felt a rejection bubble from her before her thoughts fully formed. “No, Shippo. I’m sure Lord Taisho wouldn’t appreciate your watchful eye—or grabby hands,” she giggled.

The servant who had brought their sandwiches bowed her head and departed, leaving the teacher and student to themselves yet again.

“Could you at least ask? He might say yes if it’s you.”

Kagome’s brows shot up. “And what makes you say that?”

Shippo gave her an incredulous look, and for a moment she felt that he was the teacher, and she was back in her own uniform in that dark, stuffy classroom piled to the corners with nameless girls.

“Because he actually likes having you near. More than anyone else, at least.”

Kagome shook her head. “I’m sure it’s only because I am young and new to the house. He only likes my presence for its amusement—I doubt it has anything to do with me personally.”

“Maybe you’re right,” said the child, and he took a bite of his sandwich.

After the food was consumed and Kagome began to prepare for their afternoon lessons, a knock at the door surprised them both, and Kagome announced permission for entrance. Kaede emerged from the other side, a puzzling look on her face.

“Is everything alright?” asked Kagome.

“Yes, only… it appears word has spread that Shippo wishes to see the armory. The lord overheard the servants chatting when they brought his lunch, and he’s summoned you both down.”

Unbelievable , thought Kagome. He is so…

Shippo tore through her thought with a loud cheer.

The pair worked their way down to the armory, which was on the ground floor and tucked away in a part of the estate Kagome had walked through only once before, during her initial tour with Kaede.

The door was different from the other doors in the house; it was a raw wood that seemed far older than its surroundings. She knocked twice before turning the creaky knob.

The room smelled of chalk, dirt, and sweat. It was lit well by a large window along the far wall, but Kagome could tell that the room would be next to useless without that natural light.

The sound of a fist hitting leather pulled her attention almost immediately to the left of the room. Mr. Taisho was there, about fifteen feet away, his back naked and glistening in sweat as he hit what seemed to be a heavy bag hanging from the ceiling rhythmically with precise motions. She knew he heard their entrance, but he did not greet them right away, likely so that he could finish whatever exercise he was in the middle of. Seemingly disappointed that his guardian was not currently working with a sword, Shippo wandered to the other side of the room where numerous weapons racks, armor displays, and practice dummies splayed out.

After telling him to not touch the blades, Kagome felt her eyes roam back to her master. His hair hung loose against his back, and his ears angled more forward than she’d ever seen them. His face was not completely visible to her, but whenever he would punch with his right hand, his body would turn enough for her to steal a glance at his profile: his golden eyes were glossed over, his jaw set and lips in a thin line, and his eyebrows were downturned in a scowl. His knuckles were not wrapped, but he wore some kind of gloves that she suspected were designed to protect his palms from his own claws. The muscles of his abdomen, shoulders, and arms were swollen with exercise, and she felt her throat go dry.

How anyone had ever called him ugly … well, Kagome didn’t allow herself to finish the thought. After a few more punches, he pulled himself from the bag and plopped himself onto the nearby stool, angled perpendicular to her. He gripped the half-full pitcher on the table, the condensation telling her it once housed ice, though it had long melted. He sloshed the water into his drinking mug and downed it in five large gulps, a trickle of water tracing down his jaw, bobbing throat, and clavicle. She watched it get swallowed by the small beads of sweat that already permeated the tan skin there. He set down the empty glass with a loud exhale.

He didn’t even look at her before speaking, “If you gape any longer, I’ll have to charge you an entertainment fee.”

Heat bursting up her neck and face, Kagome ripped her eyes away. She cleared her throat, “And what else am I supposed to look at—the dirt floor? If I wasn’t watching you, you’d accuse me of being shy.”

He chuckled, drawing her sideways glance. “You’re coming to know me well.”

“More well than I’d prefer,” she retorted, nodding at his naked torso.

“Would you like to try?”

Kagome blinked. “Pardon me?”

“The bag—would you like to give it a couple punches? You seem like you could use it.”

Relief filled her straining heart at the innocence of his meaning. “…Not particularly.”

He turned himself on the stool to face her, and she resisted the urge to rake her eyes down his front. “What about that—?” he said, gesturing to the only weapon rack near him. Only one sword hung from it—a white blade with a thick base and curved point. The handle seemed to burst into a tuft of fur right above where the hands would sit. “You could give it a few swings.”

Unsure of his motives, she shook her head, “I doubt I’m strong enough to even lift it.”

Mr. Taisho stood, reacquainting Kagome with the intensity of his form at full height, and he unsheathed it from the rack. He waltzed over to her, steps slow. Wiping sweat from his brow, he persisted, “You’re likely stronger than you think. Since we met, you’ve…”

Kagome tilted her head.

After a beat of consideration, he set his jaw. “You’ve grown less frail. Your face and shoulders are rounder; I can tell you’ve grown…” he stopped to swallow, his eyes roaming her figure, “…healthier.” She watched his tongue through his parted lips as it traced the tip of his canine, as if testing the sharpness of the point, or scratching an itch.

Something trickled down Kagome’s spine at his words. And his eyes. It may have been a bead of sweat, but she wasn’t sure.

He presented the sword horizontally so that she could test its weight in her own hands. “Just see if you can hold it.”

Her eyes fixed on the blade first, and then the hands supporting it. The palms were calloused, and the undersides of his claws were visible past his fingertips. Slow and hesitant, she gripped the handle in her right hand. Before lifting it, she dared to peak up at him through her bangs. “You’re not worried I’ll strike you? You’re rather bothersome to me sometimes. I’m quite tempted.”

His mouth split into a crooked, toothy grin. “If you strike at me, I’ll be happy that you proved my point even further.”

A grin leaking from her own lips, she began to lift the sword up by its handle. It was indeed heavy—too heavy to lift with one hand. She brought her left to join the effort, and she managed to take it from him. It was all she could do to prevent the blade from wobbling, but she held it well enough.

She hadn’t realized how beautiful the blade was. Its curvature and point were flawless, and the bone-like color was shinier up close. She felt power thrumming through it, and though it didn’t fully seep into her skin, she felt it licking at her palms and fingers. Remnants of his sweat did the same, telling her he had worked with it for quite some time before their arrival.

She looked up at him again and found him staring—not at her hands, but at her face. He was close enough now for her to hear his calmed breathing, to smell the woodsy musk on his body. His expression was patient, satisfied, and…

She needed him to stop looking at her that way, and quick . She all but thrust the sword back in his hands, and she fumbled for a change of topic.

“Your hair—“ she began, frazzled. “Isn’t it hot leaving it down while you exercise?”

She bit the inside of her cheek, waiting to see if he would see through her sudden anxiety.

As if he’d never wondered about it, he simply lifted a hand to scoop his hair into a single fist. “I don’t know any way to fasten it.”

“Surely you could have a servant do it?”

He didn’t respond right away, and she wondered if she had said something ignorant. Perhaps his heritage made some too nervous to get so close? But before she could ponder it further, he turned from her and fetched his stool. He set it down in front of where she stood and sat with his back to her. He craned his neck sideways, revealing a devious smile. “Alright. You do it, then.”

Kagome gaped in half offense. “I’m a governess, sir. Not a servant.”

“Do it as a governess, then. Teach me how to do it.”

“With what pins?” she asked dryly.

He turned his head away to face forward. “You’ve some in your hair now, don’t you?”

She blinked, words stuck in her throat. Why did it feel like he was requesting something improper? There was nothing technically wrong with unfastening her hair in front of him, but…

She straightened her spine. He would laugh at her if she voiced such feelings, and she might even deserve it.

“Fine,” she said shortly.

He turned his head halfway again to peak over his shoulder. “Really?”

Gripping his head between her hands, she forced him to face forward again. “Really.” She waited to see if her manhandling peeved him, but he offered no complaint. She continued, “It’d be impossible to teach you in this way, though. We would need a mirror or two.”

“Hmm. Next time, then.”

She began by combing through his long strands with her fingers. The traces of salt and dirt made this slightly rough, but she told herself he could stand to feel a few tugs and pulls. After his hair was clear of knots, she sectioned off two small portions of his hair to secure his frontmost locks into braids. After completing each one, she handed him the ends to hold between his thumb and forefinger until it was ready for securing. She pulled the remaining top half of his hair together and twisted it into a bun. Pulling a couple of pins from her own hair—which did not yet result in its undoing—she secured the bun. Then, she collected the bottom half of his hair and cut it into a left and right half. She twisted both and wrapped them around the bun sitting above, requiring the removal of two more pins. Her bun came loose at this, but its braided infrastructure remained and hung loosely down her back as a single unit. Taking one small braid from him, she allowed it to hang with slack between its origin to its place under the bun. One pin fastened it there, and her last pin secured its twin. Her hair now hung completely free, and it settled around her neck and shoulders.

The end product was slightly sloppy, but it was almost frustrating how handsome it looked on him. It was tribal—a warrior’s fashion. Throughout the process, her attention came time and time again to his ears, both out of curiosity and concern over touching them. They now were the sole recipient of her focus. Mind blank, she barely traced a finger along the soft skin of the right one. It twitched immediately, and she heard a gasp leave his lips. His shoulders tensed, and she wondered in mortification if she’d done something terrible to him.

But feeling the stop of her fingers, Mr. Taisho turned his head slightly, though not enough to see her. “Is it finished?”

“Yes,” she said, soothing her nerves.

He stood, cracked his neck, and rolled his shoulders. “It feels secure.”

“It won’t fall out unless you pull on it.”

Why wasn’t he turning around? Did he sense her trepidation? Without letting herself think twice, she said, “Let me see the front.”

Permission. An invitation—that’s what he was waiting on.

He turned smoothly, and she nearly lost her breath.

As she drank him in—his porcelain hair gracing his features and exposing the muscles of his neck and upper back—he seemed to do the same, his golden gaze crawling up and down her face and the curly black hair that now softly framed it.

The words came strained from his mouth, “I suppose you took revenge and made me appear womanly?”

Her response was dazed. “I don’t think I could do anything to make you look womanly.”

He quirked a brow, and the echoing of her own words in her ears brought her heart to pound in embarrassment. An escape—she needed an escape .

“Well, sir—since I’m finished with the task and Shippo is approaching his afternoon lessons, am I permitted to leave?” she said, hoping that her strained smile didn’t reveal the near beg that laced her question.

His eyes bore into her face a moment longer, his thinking so loud beneath his forehead that she was surprised she couldn’t hear it. To her great relief, he simply nodded his head.

She turned on her heel immediately, gathered Shippo from the distant corner, and fled so briskly that she nearly tripped more than once.

#inextricably knotted #inukag #inuyasha #fanfiction #jane eyre

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mellonyheart · 1 year

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Arrhg...!

Nightbringer is driving me a little crazy.

Don't get me wrong, I like it. The story is engaging and I'm learning a lot about these characters. (Albeit I already knew some of it because of my fixation with overanalyzing my favorite characters and stories. Not the point.) The new art is lovely as well and the battle sprites are all adorable! The characters, the bosses and the even the boss attack notes are precious. (On that note I would love to get a high quality image of Belphie's sheep. I love it so very much!)

That said there are still some aggravating bugs and issues.

Inconsistent flash sale items. At first it seemed like we were getting level rewards at 15 then every five levels after. I was even hoping that it would switch to every level at some point but instead it seems there was bug that made it not pop up at all. Now I'm never sure when it'll pop up. The same for the AP sale that's supposed to pop up when the player runs out. This is making it very difficult to finish the events. Speaking of events....

Fast paced events. This is less of an issue if you have lots of time on your hands but a lot of players don't. I've seen other players complain about this before and after Nightbringer's launch. I'm kinda feeling it now because I only did well in the first Nightbringer event because of the starter pack I bought. I literally can't afford another expense like that yet. I couldn't roll any cheat cards and I'm still stuck in box one! I feel deflated. And to make matters worse the main story is still rolling out so lesson 12 came out on the same day as a [censored] LOOT BOX event! Audyvzigzcxsyjbdh?!

No x2 in events. I really hope this changes eventually because I'm absolutely positive that I'm not getting to box four. (No battle sprite outfits for me. 🥲) Og Obey Me has two days of boosted points for getting an edge in events but Nightbringer does not. It's killing me. I'm super happy to be able to play the story without keys. I hope keys stay gone. I even appreciate the hard and extreme stages in Nightbringer events. But I am already struggling to get AP, can we please have the boosts back? Pretty please?

On a more personal note the story itself is giving me some... feelings. I do like the story. It's smoother than og Obey Me and MC's options are pure gold which gives the whole experience a more immersive feel. But I keep wondering where this is going. (And that's a good thing!) I'm still worried a bit about how much information is going to get retconned. Although surprisingly not a whole lot has been (yet).

The biggest thing on my mind is how fucked up it all is? MC is being told that Nightbringer wants happiness. A word that has been tossed around a lot already. But weren't we already happy? How does that make sense? Solomon is pushing MC to make a choice but neglects to explain that he knows what's going on? Or at least he knows Nightbringer and doesn't tell MC that. I don't know who to trust anymore. And what happened to all the demon's eat humans stuff? And the brothers recalling how they used to corrupt human souls? Lucifer even said he enjoyed consuming human souls! How is that going happen? Is it going to happen? Are we supposed to believe that it was made up to scare MC? Or...?

I legit want to go home. To the present. To the version of the brothers who remember all the crazy stuff we've been through. I want the version of Mammon who clearly made some mistakes but grew from them. Who has probably partied as hard as the Avatar of Lust and came out wiser and with more experience. I love him no matter what but I'm an adult. I know how important it is to experience things. To fuck it all up. To piece yourself back together and move on. I want to help him do that but I fell in love with the version of him that already did. I don't want to abandon present Mammon for past Mammon. I don't want warp time and space unless I absolutely have to. I want to punch Nightbringer in the face. I want to make out with Mammon again. I want my degenerate fade to black scenes.

Yes. Yes I am. I am a greedy spoiled brat who just wants my man back. My bed back. My bros back. My Zombie iguana back. My Mammon hellbobo back. My suspiciously matching earring back. Just let me save the three worlds or whatever so I can have my life back. 'Kay?

#nightbringer spoilers #obey me nightbringer #mammon obey me #om! mammon #obey me mammon #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #nightbringer mammon #obey me nightbringer spoilers #om! nightbringer #just ranting #losing my mind one day at a time #Currently suffering from pms and I want Mammon to hug me

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mobbu-min · 2 years

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Name: Rosa (Rosita) Reyes (she/they)

Dorm: Ramshackle

Grade/Class: 1-A (teacher aid)

Birthday: Oct. 30th (scorpio)

Age: 18

Height: 162 cm

Dominant hand: ambidextrous

Homeland: ???

Club: Art and Gargoyles Study

Hobby: gardening, writing

Pet Peeves: fruit stickers

Favorite Food: Sopita de Conchas

Least Favorite Food: Jalapenos Rellenos

Talent: First Aid/Guns

☆☆☆

Although wary and awkard around everyone and everything at first, Rosita is quick to come out of her shell with a welcoming smile. Lacking in any magical abilites, she's makes up with it with her big heart and resourcefulness. With determination and a bit of dumb luck, Rosa quickly adapts to her new life in Twisted Wonderland.

☆☆☆

Background Information

+ Rosita is from a big family, though she tends not to speak much about them because she gets sad quickly. She has often mentioned her abuelita and abuelito. And her childhood friend/crush, Isabela.

+ She's not the smartest, actually she's quite dense when it come to anything academic, which often lead to her planning study groups with anyone that wants to join. (she ends up getting distracted or falling asleep way to quickly)

+ Rosa was actually in the process of applying to various colleges before she got transported. So to say she was angry about having to start over is an understatement.

+ She ranges from being a student to a teacher aid. She's often helping Crewel and Trein with grading papers and around the classroom. Every Thurday and Tuesday afternoon, she can be found in Crowley's office helping out with his work. She sucks at physical activity, so she doesn't really help Vargas.

+ Sam gave Rosita a part-time job at his shop! She works pretty often, but her schedule is inconsistant.

+ On her first day at Ramshackle, she became quick friends with the ghosts! They're besties.

+ She and Rook are actually good friends. Rosa finds him amusing and finds herself having a ton of fun with him. She and Rook often go on long rants about beauty or their current hyper-fixations. She feels heard when she's with him.

+ She's also super confortable with Malleus. Their first encounter was extremely embarrassing on her part, she cringes everytime. But they grow really close. They often get lost in converstions and can be seen reading together.

+ The first years adore her and she adores them! They remind her of her little siblings, so she often goes big sister mode, especially during overblots.

☆☆☆

a/n: here's my twst oc! i love her so much and lowkey I'm extremely nervous about posting this lol. she's a little bit of a self insert, but I tried to make her into her own person. Apparently it's much harder then it looks like. Anyways, if you ahve any questions about her, feel free to ask!

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland mc #twst mc #twst art #twisted wonderland art #mari art #mari oc

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paulgadzikowski · 2 years

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Blog FAQ. Backdated to 2/22/23 from 2/25/23, mostly to see whether it'd work.

I was @heroofthreefaces for ten years. 2/19/23 that blog was terminated without notice or explanation and, at this writing, with no response to the resultant Support contact form sent. Then I was @d0ct0rwh0 for three days. 2/22/23 that blog was deactivated without notice or explanation. EDIT 3/27/23 heroofthreefaces was reinstated without apology or explanation; I elected to retain paulgadzikowski as my primary.

I'll write a proper FAQ here if this blog lasts long enough that the lack bothers me. Otherwise, I'm scarfman at Pillowfort and at Dreamwidth and heroof3faces at Twitter; and my webcomics are Arthur, King of Time and Space and The Hero of Three Faces.

EDIT 3/9/23 Okay, one thing I should probably mention even before I get around to creating a real FAQ is that I now have a sideblog for separating off all the activism and heavy matters reblogs, called @nosuchthingasaburdenonsociety, so that my main is safe for those who come to Tumblr to forget about life for awhile. Except the new text editor has this funny new quirk so posts end up on the wrong blog sometimes. These posts get tagged wrong blog and usually get reblogged onto the correct one where they are also tagged wrong blog.

FAQ: What do you think of the new text editor? I hate it so, so much

EDIT 3/23/23 Well this blog's survived a month. Time for a FAQ I guess. This entry and every entry on this blog are at all times subject to editing for updates, corrections, and simple clarity.

My name's Paul Gadzikowski and I draw the webcomic The Hero of Three Faces, fanfiction crossovers but it's comic strips with stick figures but they're triangles. For nine-plus years I also drew Arthur, King of Time and Space which functionally was, among other things, King Arthur mashed up with my fanfiction.

Every day that there's an update at Three Faces, the next morning at or about 10:00 (all times US Central) I post a link here to it, which gets pinned to the top of the blog. Every evening at 22:00 I post a link to a "rerun", a cartoon in the archives; the rerun only gets pinned during annual summer hiatus of new updates.

Also I post and reblog fannish things. Doctor Who is my favorite and the Doctor is the primary character in Three Faces, because I've always loved crossovers and there's no better literary and literal device to facilite crossovers than a time machine. The top tier in my pantheon of fandoms consists of all Star Treks, Superman and superheroes (these days more screen than print versions), M*A*S*H, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Star Wars, and Dracula Daily; but anything I watch and read may show up in Three Faces or here, and lots of what my Tumblr mutuals watch and read too.

As noted above I have the side blog @nosuchthingasaburdenonsociety. I can be inconsistent about parsing which posts go on which blog, especially now that the nusternucking new text editor defaults to whichever one where you last posted, instead of defaulting to your main like the old text editor did. And there are some serious topics which never did migrate to the sideblog, like racism in fandom and the coronavirus. Most posts are queued, on both blogs, unless I want to respond to something conversationally, or I'm trying to be the first with the joke, or I feel like it. Barring unusual circumstances I'm posting (firing my queue) 24 hours a day and I probably seem most active the day after I've been most active.

This is a list of my most significant personal tags. As a rule I'll try to use the same ones here as I did there in the same way, though there are a few cases where I took advantage of the opportunity to revise.

I don't have a my art tag like some better-planning bloggers have. There's no one tag that'll show you everything. Fancomics, sketches, cartoon reply, cartoons, and lotrh3f daily ought to catch everything on this blog. At heroofthreefaces you'll want the heroofthreefaces art tag FAQ.

fancomics Three Faces posts, new and archive reruns

fan art Three Faces posts (unless it's AKOTAS instead of one of my fandoms) and others' art that's fan art

other's art Fan art and other art, reblogged, not my art

other's stories Others' writing and fanfiction

my stories My writing and fanfiction

tumblr's stories Tumblr-culture stories, fiction and nonfiction

fanfiction Posts that are, or are about, fanfiction, mine or others'

art Professional or classic art

sketches My drawings just for Tumblr

sketching while scrolling My drawings while scrolling Tumblr (any of these will also be tagged sketches)

cartoon reply When I reblog with a comment but it's in the form of a cartoon

character reply When I reblog with a comment in the form of a cartoon where the character is making a direct comment on the post to my readers (any of these will also be tagged cartoon reply)

chat cartoon reply When I illustrate a chat posted by someone else in a reblog on their post (any of these will also be tagged cartoon reply)

cartoons When I post with a comment in the form of a cartoon reprinted from my old fanfiction site retired when I started Three Faces, or from AKOTAS, or that's just not a sketch or a reply

lotrh3f daily In the vein of Dracula Daily, a mashup of The Lord of the Rings and The Hero of Three Faces tracking Frodo's quest according to the calendar dates in Appendix B. See lotrh3f for commentary.

in my style Redraws of others' art in triangle style. Will also be tagged cartoon reply or one of the other tags listed in the catch-all paragraph above

arthur king of time and space, akotas Cartoons from Arthur, King of Time and Space or using AKOTAS characters, or general discussion of AKOTAS, or (obviously) reprints from AKOTAS

atumblr Discussion of AKOTAS surplus of discussion from the AKOTAS site, or cartoons new here not appearing at AKOTAS or Three Faces

hero of three faces Discussion of Three Faces

behind the scenes May be behind the scenes for my work or for screen franchises I watch

maintenance When I go back and change or fix something in multiple comic strips on the Three Faces site, like changing how I draw a given character's hair for every instance in which they appear

math I have a spreadsheet for tracking the chronological order of the comic strips at Three Faces, the chronology of the screen story cycles which appear there, and many other things about it. And one for AKOTAS

reader response My reblog comments on others' reblog comments on my posts and reblogs

friday night clearing out my drafts What it says on the tin

tags tag For tags I want to remember or keep from duplicating

llol "literally laughed out loud" I only ever tagged things "lol" if I literally laughed out loud before Tumblr so here it's a tag

tags later Something I didn't want to tag because it'd give the joke away, or that I put off deciding what to tag, or that I think I have a tag for that I can't find. Once a week I go back and tag any that are more'n a week old

spoilers I tag spoilers (or doctor who spoilers) (or better omens or best omens for season 2 or season 3 respectively of Good Omens, though that's also what I tag for those seasons generally) for the first week after air/publication/whatever. After the first week I don't trouble to remove the tags, if that matters. I also try to tag teasers (teasers and spoilers are different things, that's why there are different words for them) so if you also don't want to see teasers then you can block that too

tagging the crossover franchise would give the joke away What it says on the tin. Used when a Three Faces is first updated in the link post but generally not when it's later linked as a rerun.

wrong blog Here or on the sideblog this tag goes on a post or reblog that's ended up on the other blog than I meant, due to the conditions noted above in the edit dated 3/9/23. Sometimes when I discover the error I also reblog to the other blog, and sometimes when I do that I delete the original accidental reblog, and sometimes I just add the tag and let it go

I try to tag for others to find my posts but mostly I tag a post so hopefully I'll be able to find it again if I want.

Subject to further editing when I remember other things I wrote for the old blog's FAQ. Owait, now that it's back I can just link to it; check it out.

Thanks for reading.

#faq

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celestialcrownsvn · 2 years

Text

Scene Teaser - Demo complete!

Hello tumblr! I have exciting news! 🎉 The demo script is totally complete! There are 57K words of prologue ready for play testing. Sprite expressions have been programmed, and I'm nearly done with the UI.

Overall, massively ahead of schedule! Here are some screenshots of the UI.

The game is really coming together! I'm super excited. All that's left aside from the other art assets is adding some polish. I want to go through one more time for copyediting/checking out any narrative inconsistencies, then I'll be starting on Aalam's route.

Scene Teaser

As voted on Twitter, here is a scene teaser! When King Aalam first arrives at the castle he poses as the ambassador of Andromeda.

There are two choices in this scene, can you spot them? I've chosen "Gentle" and "Impulsive" for this go, as well as a female Terra.

Scene 14

"Sahi is waiting for me. He's removed his sword and bulky armor in favor of a simple tunic."

Sahi "Ready for warm-ups?"

Terra "I'm feeling rather anxious to get started."

"Sahi gives me a disapproving look."

Sahi "Your Highness, you know that a well-lubricated body is an uninjured body."

Terra "Yes, yes, all right."

"I knew Sahi wouldn't allow me to skip procedure, but it was worth a shot. He guides me through some stretches and light exercises. It's not enough to bring my mind to that pleasant blank state the same way the actual lessons do, and I find my eyes wandering around the grounds. I see a few of the recruits standing near the stables huddled close. They speak quietly rather than the usual boisterous voices I hear drifting in through the castle windows in the mornings, and their eyes glance over at me every few seconds. I've been taking blade lessons since I was thirteen, and each fresh wave of recruits takes some time to adjust to being so close to a Royal. Sahi and I started at the same time, and he was the only person brave enough to actually speak with me in our free time."

Sahi "Watch your knees."

"I straighten my legs, breathing through the stretch as my fingers brush my toes."

Sahi "Good."

Sahi "Up now, let's do a few lunges."

Terra "Come now, General, haven't we've done enough?"

Sahi "Just a few."

"I sigh and indulge him. In this arena, I am technically supposed to follow Sahi's orders. He's the teacher, I'm the pupil. It's sort of funny, considering we both grew up training under General Blanchet. Sahi was always better than me, try as I might. I wonder how the old General is doing these days…"

Sahi "Your Highness?"

Terra "Hmm?"

"Sahi regards me with a tilted head and hands on his hips."

Sahi "I said, ready to start?"

Terra "Yes!"

"Sahi fetches our usual practice swords. They're wooden, but still pack a punch when you're jabbed. Or thwacked, as Sahi is fond of. To his credit, I never make the same mistakes after he does that. We bow to each other and then begin. Sahi comes at me quickly, clearly trying to catch me off guard. I block, deciding to stay on the defensive for a time. I let my thoughts empty, nothing but the heat of battle and the whir of reflex in my brain as Sahi and I dance. He's such a gentle man, times like these are the only time I see him with any sort of aggression on his face. I love that he doesn't hold back when we practice. During group drills, whenever I'm paired off with a soldier, they always treat me so delicately, clearly afraid to injure me. Even after all this time, Sahi is the only person who ever truly gives me a challenge. He slashes, and I sidestep to avoid it. As I do, something in my peripheral vision catches my attention." "Ambassador Rift is watching from the edge of the training arena near the castle wall."

Terra "Ow!"

"In my distraction, Sahi takes the opportunity to smack my wrist with the flat side of the blade."

Sahi "Focus, Terra."

"I return my attention to the battle, eager to get him back for that hit. By the time we finish, the score is three to four in his favor. Even still, I can feel the tension that had piled atop my shoulders the past few days completely sloughed away. These lessons always have a cathartic effect. I push my bangs out of my face, grimacing at the sweat plastered across my forehead. While I do enjoy it, the baths afterward are also nice."

Terra "Your game this round, General."

"We bow again, and then Sahi walks closer."

Sahi "You all right? I didn't hurt ya, did I?"

"I nod, rubbing my side where he'd landed an impressive hit."

Terra "I'll be fine. I'm not nearly so delicate."

Sahi "Aw, I know that [title]."

"Sahi walks to put his sword away. Before I can follow, movement draws my eye over Sahi's shoulder, and my lips twitch down."

'Ambassador' "I see you are quite skilled as well. Perhaps we could have a go sometime."

Terra "With any luck, you won't be around long enough."

"The ambassador twists his lips, peering down his nose at me."

'Ambassador' "Very funny. I will remain as long as it takes for you to reach a decision."

"I hum, turning and taking my sword back to the practice rack. To my displeasure, the ambassador follows."

Terra "I don't believe I invited you to gawk at my lesson."

'Ambassador' "I wasn't aware I needed an invitation. Your advisor assured me I was welcomed anywhere in the castle."

"I shoot a glare at the window to what I know is Lune's room."

Terra "Oh did he."

'Ambassador' "Yes."

"The recruits are now staring at both the ambassador and me, and I wrangle back a sigh as I wonder what rumors will start to float through the barracks tonight. With no more excuses, I turn to face Ambassador Rift, standing as tall as I can to counteract our drastic differences in height."

Terra "What is it you want from me?"

'Ambassador' "I am here to—"

Terra "No, I mean at this very moment. Why were you watching me?" 'Ambassador' "Ah."

"He considers the question, folding his arms across his chest in his usual pose. On most people, it looks defensive, but it makes this man look angry."

'Ambassador' "It was…a request from my king."

Terra "Excuse me?"

'Ambassador' "He wants to know the [man] he's going to marry."

"This makes a streak of anger run through me."

Terra "Well, I'm glad he's made up his mind. If he wanted to know me then he should have come himself. Leave me be."

"As I walk away, Ambassador Rift calls out to me."

'Ambassador' "I did not mean to offend. Do you not wish to know more about the King as a potential match?"

"My steps slow. I want to say no, and continue moving, but it is something to consider. As much as I loathe to admit it, I cannot completely write off marrying King Aalam as an option."

'Ambassador' "The King and I are quite close. I assure you I can answer any questions you might have."

"I turn to the ambassador with an unimpressed look."

Terra "And this is why he sent you?"

'Ambassador' "Yes."

Terra "You do not seem like any ambassador I've ever met."

'Ambassador' "Is there a question?"

"I wet my lips and look away. Of course, there is much I would want to know about a man I'm considering calling my husband, but how to ask all of that in a few questions?"

"Part of me is even hesitant to ask because I know I am likely to be disappointed. "It might be better to go in with no expectations at all. Even so, I return my eyes to Ambassador Rift."

Terra "What is the King like?"

"Despite this being a perfectly normal, perhaps mundane question, the ambassador looks a bit confused, like he expected something else."

'Ambassador' "How do you mean?"

Terra "His…personality."

'Ambassador' "He is…a difficult man to describe."

Sahi "I've heard the King of Andromeda is very stern."

"I startle at the sound of Sahi's voice, seeing he looks far more invested in the conversation than I had been."

'Ambassador' "I suppose. He does not tolerate failure or incompetence."

Terra "Most Royals would not."

"Sahi steps a bit closer like he's about to ask a secret."

Sahi "Is it true that he once had someone executed for bumping into him?"

'Ambassador' "Ah…no."

Sahi "Is it true that he has glowing red eyes and can breathe fire?"

"I lift a hand to cover half of my face."

Terra "General, please."

"I clear my throat and lean in to whisper in his ear."

Terra "You are embarrassing me."

"Sahi startles."

Sahi "Oh, sorry Your Highness."

"Ambassador Rift looks at me expectantly, and I realize there is one more thing I'm curious about."

Terra "…What does the King look like?"

'Ambassador' "Average, I suppose."

Sahi "I've never heard of an average Royal."

'Ambassador' "Is that so?"

Sahi "Aren't they supposed to be stunningly beautiful? Like…" "He looks at me and then backtracks."

Sahi "I-I mean, that's the stereotype. Not that you're {i}not{/i} st—I…"

"Sahi clears his throat rather violently and then aggressively punches his fists into his hips."

Sahi "Average, you said?"

'Ambassador' "He is tall."

Terra "Very enlightening, thank you. Did you need something, General?"

"Sahi looks between the ambassador and me, then bows."

Sahi "Uh, sorry. I'll wash out my hair now."

"As he walks off, the ambassador frowns."

'Ambassador' "…Does he normally announce such things?"

Terra "The general just ah, has a few interesting turns of phrases. Pay him no mind. I am still in the midst of drafting the proposal for a new trade agreement, but do not assume that any decisions have been made."

'Ambassador' "I would not dare."

Terra "I do need to be getting to my room. If you'll excuse me…"

'Ambassador' "Seek me out should you have any more questions about the King."

#game development #visual novel #vndev #celestialcrownsvn #interactive fiction #lgbtq #celestial crowns #english otome #english visual novel #otome game

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mickmundy · 1 year

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Hello dutchie! I've re-read your fics multiple times now and now I want to write my own! I have to ask: do you have any writing tips or advice about fanfic in general? I enjoy your pacing but I have no clue how you manage to update every week. Cheers!

OH MY GOD EEEEE ;___; IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT MY FRIEND!! AND HIII ^_^ that's so awesome im so proud of you!!! hmm idk if i'm really a great person to get advice from, this is just stuff that works for me personally and my hectic irl schedule so just take it with a grain of salt!! ;-; <3 BUT i will gladly talk about it HEHE!! i'll actually just make an entire post about my writing process at some point because making long posts forces me to reflect and i'm overdue for a Self Reflection on how i write so! if/when i do that i'll link it back on this post heh ^_^ BUT ANYWAY!

i have a few Personal Rules about posting/writing fic that i must never break... and this is...:

feel free to break up your (longer) fic into parts. this prevents SO much burnout and gives you time to breathe between writing! if you're in it for the long haul like me, it's easy to get overwhelmed and feel like you're on a Crunch, which is never good! :'(

so i don't technically write a new chapter every week and post it on friday; i've had malus, for example, complete for a few months now! and so now it just "posts on a queue" where i just upload the next chapter every week! so for example, if malus is 21 chapters, at 1 chapter a week, that gives me 21 weeks (about 5 months) to write my next fic. that's a lot of time!

always finish the fic before you post it. this seems super unrealistic At First but i love the "arc/seasons/parts" style of posting, especially if it's long fics. nobody's saying you have to finish a 293849283498234 chapter fic in one day LOL but if you find that you're overwhelmed at the idea of writing Long Fics, then don't write one! write shorter parts that Combine and Create a long fic! :-) see what i mean? this is also an effective way to show time passing in your fic instead of just "~*~ two years later ~*~"-type of disclaimers.

chapters shouldn't be more than like... 3 google doc pages and paragraphs should be broken up. i like keeping my fic chapters short-ish so that they're easily digestible and force readers to Linger on the parts that i want them to. giant walls of text can sometimes put Huge Moments in your fics at the risk of getting lost!

let yourself sit on it for at least 2 days before you post it. do not read your own fic during the "sitting on it" time. let yourself back away from it and invite your mind to think about other things!! i've caught a LOT of my own mistakes or inconsistencies this way!

much easier said than done, but try not to let yourself get wrapped up in "the numbers" of posting (views, kudos, etc). obviously our goal as creatives is to get our work seen, but please remember to value yourself and your art above the numbers game! ;-; it literally took me a year (as of january lol) of constantly promoting my fics on twt (and later on here once i made an acct) before i found all of the amazing readers i have now! ^u^ and i wouldn't trade them for the world. i'd happily take 10 readers who comment and talk to me like a person over 100 hits/kudos or whatever!

that being said, don't be afraid to promote your fics. i felt annoying and stupid promoing mine but i'm ultimately so glad i did

there are probably others but i think these are my biggest ones (other than delving into like. tf2-specific "guides" i have for myself but i won't bore you with those). as far as tips for outlining or planning, i just have a channel in my gf and i's server dedicated to my fic that i post random snippet's i've written and want to include, random one-word concepts, like literally any time my brain has a Fic Related Thought i slap it in there. i'm also a huge fan of Linear/Traditional outlining too and do that with my more Complicated/Larger concepts that i want to execute in my fics so that i can stay consistent! :-)

ILYYY BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR FIC WRITING ENDEAVORS MY FRIEND! ^u^

#dutchfoolery #asks #anonymous #^v^

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richardsondavis · 1 year

Text

So I went to the Skullgirls official YouTube channel and went to check some of the videos there, especially the shorts.

So before the grand censorship of Skullgirls, sometime before July, the views were about in the tens of thousands. Then there's a day there where the views just dipped.

So I went and checked some of the comments over some of the shorts and I say, it's more civil than I thought it'd be. I took the liberty of screenshotting some of them and a particular title from a short on the Skullgirls YouTube channel.

So the first one.

There's a particular phrase within this exchange that really exemplifies how I feel about myself during this entire debacle and me still wanting to play and support Skullgirls Mobile.

"I personally won't insult them but if they still support the game after that, it changes my view of that person."

This just makes me so sad. This stranger, whom I most likely won't ever meet, would think bad of people like me. Would think bad of me. Would see me as an enemy. As a lesser being. This rustles my jimmies.

Yes, I find the censorship abhorrent but I'm not that petty to abstain from playing the game because, contrary to popular belief, the game still runs fine. Yes, a certain aspects of Skullgirls soul has been taken by the censorship and a few key details that made some narratives within the game be more layered but I'm not one of those people who makes analyses. I'm just your average Juan that wants to play a game because I find it fun.

During these kinds of controversies, there's always a question I have. Am I the villain here?

I prefer the official translations of manga save for the ones from Seven Seas. I find scanlations to be terribly inconsistent. Am I the villain here?

Kurzgesagt made a video that said they were wrong and a huge chunk of folks online claim that Kurzgesagt pushes an agenda. I still enjoy watching their videos, am I the villain here?

Skullgirls, a franchise that I was made aware of through their mobile game, who during the pandemic has helped me cope with the time and the mental anguish away, the elements game which drew me in was the sexiness, the panty shots and the art style plus the gameplay and gacha elements. There has been an update that censors various elements in the game. I still play and have made purchases in their mobile game because I enjoy the game. Am I the villain here?

Although I do love how the conversation ends. So mature.

I consider myself to be part of the new audience and making Skullgirls Mobile be a hit everywhere should be something I should strive for. Maybe I'll try to do just that.

Edit: Just noticed the last comment said they're a SGM player as well. Coolio.

Then there's this exchange. Judge for yourself, ladies and germs.

Edit: So this one is something. "Real fans" they say. What makes a fan? Is it money spent or time spent? Is it saying how much you love the thing? I can say that I am a fan of the SCP Wiki. That I spent countless hours reading the articles, learning the lore. I was not big on communities but I know what I know and I loved every second I spent reading those articles. Then the drama happened and the dip in the quality of writing.

I was disappointed with how things really turned out but I still hold the wiki dear to my heart. I remember just going around and collecting various artworks online of SCP. I also found joyreactor through my searches of other SCP media.

Was it a phase? Am I not a fan? Similar to Skullgirls or the mobile version of it? I was late to the party but I liked the game and I took the time to learn all that I could about it. I am disappointed with the censorship. What can I say? I'm not a true fan. I'm just a guy who finds it appealing but ain't willing nor do I have the drive and moral to oppose this vehemently. I was ignorant of the LGBSCP thing but I noticed the dip in the writing quality. The difference between Skullgirls and the SCP thing to me is that SCP truly abandoned its roots for something else and it's not really something I'm rooting for. A few gems but nothing like Series 1.

Skullgirls, I can tell, are still horny. Black Dahlia has panty shot. Cerebella, Parasoul, Valentine. They have the pantsu shot. I always intend to know the nuance. I have screenshot Filia and Cerebella to see if one can see their underwear in the frames. I have found out that you still can but they become a "blink and you'll miss it" thing which is quite a disappointment, I must admit. They were quite a pretty sight.

P.S. I understand how they would go with making this title but...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Quite low of the devs. I mean if this is how they treat their old fans, I wonder how they'd treat their still fans and newer fans. I pray they don't go full EA or Ubisoft with their game cause fucking hell.

And this is also where I got my other scrollshot. Tread with care.

#blog #thoughts #rant #youtube #skullgirls #skullgirls censorship #save skullgirls #real low devs

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apexart-journal · 1 year

Text

Azza Hussein in NYC, DAY 12

April 29 - Morning

The rain started after I left the ballet class and it’s still raining. It rained all night. The wind whipped the rain against the edges of the windows, creating an inconsistent and loud sound. I couldn't sleep. I was stuck in that phase between sleep and wakefulness, and almost everyone I encountered since I arrived here lingered in my mind and refused to leave.

Volunteering yesterday was a painful experience. I didn't have any romanticized feelings about giving and helping; the day would have ended for those people the same way with or without me.

There was a giving category I wasn't familiar with called 'no kitchen'. This category meant that the person should receive food that doesn't need to be cooked before consumption.

I made an effort to look into the eyes of each person, thinking to myself, 'this is just a phase,' hoping they could feel it too.

When I finished my shift and was about to leave, George, who works there every week said; oh no, you're already leaving?

That made my day.

Evening:

I went to an Art & Climate Solutions Workshop and helped create the hands of a giant puppet. There I met Ben, a young ballet dancer. I recounted the events of yesterday, and he laughed.

I met other people too but they will resurface at the right time.

When I finished the work it was still raining, so I sought shelter at a nearby coffee shop to wait for my Pole dancing class. There I had tea with a black woman who had recently left the shelter. She was dragging a second hand coffee table she had just bought for her new place. She shared with me her plans for the apartment and described the colors in vivid details, and how each piece of furniture would hold a special memory of a family member.

A Taiwanese woman joined us. She had immigrated here from Austria with her man during the pandemic and made plans to leave after the American dream deceived them. She said two more months with a very big smile. We talked for over 45 minutes watching the rain until it stopped at the right time for everyone. The Taiwanese woman was the first to leave. With her long coat and scarf, and all the bags she was carrying, and the two remaining months to leave, she looked like a butterfly.

Then I Pole danced, and I couldn’t care less.

Then I visited the King of NY Biggie Mural. I spent the rest of the evening listening to his music and trying to understand the reason behind his murder. And this city.

Later that night I dreamt of my cousin whom I hadn’t seen in ages. In the dream, I was preparing for her wedding with overflowing love and dedication. It was a strange and beautiful dream. What else in the human mind is waiting to be unleashed?

#azza hussein #inbound from montreal

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em-dash-press · 2 years

Text

FAQs About Querying Manuscripts

Querying is a huge deal. You're about to send your latest story out to agents—and the entire process seems like a mystery.

I just posted a guide to writing query letters the other day, but there are many more questions you might have after reading a basic walkthrough.

Check out this FAQ list to see if addresses your query questions 👀 If not, feel free to send me an ask! I graduated with a specialty in the book publishing industry and will do my best to give you the most updated answers possible.

Do Query Letters All Look the Same?

Yes and no! I say yes because there is a general format you can follow (outlined on my last post) that inserts the same information in the same general paragraphs.

I also say no because agents won't have the same requirements for fiction, nonfiction, children's books, and graphic novels. It's always best to practice writing a query letter draft and always personalize your letter to the agent's specific requirements in their bio on their publisher's website or on Query Tracker.

Should I Query My Manuscript Even Though It Isn't Done?

Most agents want fiction manuscripts to be complete before they get your query letter. They'll only request the first 3-15 pages with your letter, but they'll mostly assume that your work is done after that point.

What does "done" mean? It means that your fiction manuscript averages between 65-85,000 words (100,000 words is the upper limit for many agents) and you've heavily edited your work. Go through your manuscript for story elements, character development, and line work before sending it anywhere. If agents spot inconsistencies or endless typos, they'll move onto the next submission.

Nonfiction manuscripts and other types of literature may have exceptions to this. Nonfiction authors can pitch proposals and sample chapters, plus outlines and chapter summaries. Graphic novel writers don't have to have all of the art finished sometimes. It depends on who you submit to, what you submit, and what the agent requires.

What Happens If I Send a Query With a Sample and Revise That Sample?

You can always withdraw a submission if you haven't heard back from an agent! Send a quick email stating the date and title of your manuscript and thank them for their time.

You can add why you're withdrawing if you'd like, but it's not necessary. People withdraw for a million reasons and agents know it's not personal.

Can I Re-Query an Agent If I've Made Revisions on the Same Manuscript?

Most often, no. Don't re-query an agent who has kindly declined your submission. The only exception to this is if they include a note in their rejection like, "While I cannot work with you at this time, I did appreciate [XYZ parts of your manuscript] and would be interested in working with you in the future if it met [the agent's genre list, publishing bucket list, specific things they're currently interested in selling]."

If you revise according to what the agent wanted from you in the future, then it would be fine to re-query and mention their previous recommendations at the top of your letter. Otherwise, it's best to move on.

How Many Query Letters Should I Send at One Time?

You may have seen stats that writers like to throw around regarding the percentage of positive query letter responses you should have compared to the total letters you've sent out.

Don't pay attention to that percentage.

When you're ready to query a manuscript, I prefer sending ~5 submissions per month. You can do more than that, but I find it takes so much brain power to personalize each letter and research agents!

That being said, if you send five letters and each of those agents say they take ~2 months to respond to each writer, you'll only get to send query letters six times each year. You also won't get a response from every agent, so there's no use waiting each one out before sending a new batch of letters.

Send a few and wait a few weeks. Send a few more. As long as you're keeping track of your queries in a spreadsheet (with the agent's name, publisher, the date of your submission, the type of submission, their contact info, and their average response time), you'll stay active in the process.

Can I Query Multiple Agents Within the Same Publisher?

Don't try this at home! Or anywhere! You'll rarely find a publisher that allows multiple submissions to their agents. Most explicitly warn against it on their website's submission outline page.

If an agent doesn't want to represent your work, but knows their coworkers well enough to think of someone in their office who might, they'll pass it along for you.

If you get a rejection from an agent, that's when you can query others in their office who represent the same genre. Waiting one at a time will take a while though, which is why it's better to query agents at multiple publishers when you sit down to query.

Do Agents Want a Long Publication History?

It helps if your query letter includes some kind of publication history, but it's not required. Especially if you're querying an agent who specifically encourages debut writers to send submissions. They know there will always be submissions from people who haven't been published before. That's okay!

Your publication history could include a recent short story contest or an entry into a chapbook from an indie publisher in your hometown. It could also be nothing at all. Agents rep writers with all kinds of backgrounds.

Just make sure you don't query an agent who mentions that they don't work with debut authors in their specifications if you've never been published. That's the only way it could backfire.

Should I Include a Sample of My Manuscript In My Query Letter?

Agents always ask for some kind of manuscript sample with submissions. Sometimes they want it copied/pasted into your query letter in the body of an email. Sometimes they use Query Tracker and the sample will have its own text box after you copy/paste your query letter.

Always check their submission guidelines before including your sample! Sometimes agents have samples limited by word count, while others want a specific number of pages.

Can I Follow Up If I Don't Hear Back From an Agent?

Sending a literary agent a gentle nudge can be a good thing, but only if you time it right. Double check their profile on their publisher's website, Query Tracker, or wherever you found them. Many will say something like, "It may take up to two months for me to respond." Others don't give a time frame at all.

If you're going to send a nudge, wait until their recommended response time has passed. Two to three months is a good time to estimate for those that don't provide response times.

When you send your email, make the title something like "Following Up on [Your Manuscript's Name Here] Submitted on [Submission Date]." In the body of the email, you can mention how you're still excited to hear from them and thank them for their time again.

Agents mostly don't mind nudges, as long as it's not a few days or weeks after you submit something to their inbox. They have incredibly busy lives and will need more time than writers often think.

Why Do Agents Reject Manuscript Submissions?

It's hard not to take a manuscript rejection personally, especially if an agent liked your submission and request the work in full! In those moments, try to keep in mind that there are tons of reasons why agents ultimately choose not to represent someone, including:

The query letter didn't hook them

Your story doesn't intrigue them (again, not personal!)

They don't represent that genre

They don't have the time to commit to a long project

They like it, but don't think it would sell in the current market (that's where book comps can help)

They also just may not think it's good. That's okay. You don't like every book you've ever read. Sometimes readers and writers just don't mesh. You want an agent who's equally passionate about your manuscript, if not more. Waiting for the right person to love your work will be worth it.

How Do You Pick Comparable Book Titles?

Comparable book titles are an essential part of a query letter. You should pick books published with the last ~two years in the same genre as your manuscript. Select at least two or three.

In your query letter, you'll have to mention each comp title and say why it's like your work. Maybe it shares the same themes or tropes. You should finish the comp title paragraph by saying that your work will appeal to the same audience, then specific the age groups you have in mind who are also fans of the comp titles.

When agents see writers compare their work to successful, recent publications, they see a potential to make a sale. Their job is to sell your work to a publisher, who then sells your books to readers. It helps them if they can tell publishers about your flashy comp titles that make your story more likely to sell because readers are currently interested in those topics/characters/tropes/etc.

What's the Difference Between Querying an Agent and a Publisher?

Query letters can go to agents and publishers, but there's a big difference between the two. Agents personally get to know their clients and represent them long-term. Agents also negotiate your publishing contract and potentially any future international books/films/TV series if that's in their repertoire.

If a publisher picks up your submission, you'll have to negotiate everything for yourself. You'll likely have to get a lawyer, who will also likely be more costly than a literary agent, who takes a percentage of your advance and royalties.

Sometimes it's easier for writers to go with one option or another, so think about what sounds best for you.

Note that many publishers, especially The Big Five, rarely take unsolicited manuscripts (submissions from writers). Agents allow writer queries so they can meet future clients. Publishers prefer to meet with agents, who will pitch writers/manuscripts that align with a publisher's interests.

---

The most challenging part of querying is how flexible it is. Agents will all look for and require something a bit different than the others. Writers won't have the same querying experience either.

Take these questions/answers as a guideline to help you get started or find your motivation again! As you move forward, you'll become much more comfortable with the process.

#writeblr #query help #querying advice #querying tips #writers of tumblr #writing #writing advice #writing help #writing community #writers #creative writing #query #query faqs #book publishing #book publishing faqs

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halveablock · 3 years

Photo

2021 year of illusts + comics!

some art thoughts, gets pretty rambly on main

i’m a little sad that i had nothing for october for comics but i was so busy that month... and doing a full week of comics for sashisu week immediately after made up for it i guess haha.

i drew so much this year! thank you akutami gege. overall the jjk brainrot has not let up and *checks calendar* doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop any time soon

the thing i’m most proud of... probably drawing all those comics. counting them up, i’ve maybe drawn almost 200 "pages” this year (some aren’t posted online (yet?)). while quantity isn’t a good measure for improvement, i feel like i’ve still improved a ton since the first comic i drew in csp november last year. making continuum fanbook was big for me in that improvement. paneling became a little bit more natural and less gimmicky, less difficult. doing full week of comics for stsg week in february vs sashisu week in november was like night and day-- and i drew so much more so much faster for sashisu week. it’s nothing compared to the godly doujin and manga/comic artists casually doing this all year but i think having concrete markers of improvement like that really helps. also good sign when i cringe at the art i made from just this year b/c that means my standards are higher now lol

problem to still be solved... i feel like i keep having to reset how i draw every time i start a new piece. most of the pieces in 2021 illustrations summary, i drew differently from each other. very inconsistent. i want to be more consistent, not style-wise per se, just more reliable so every time i draw something more ambitious i’m not having a nervous breakdown about it. and when i’m not working on something ambitious, i want to be more loose about it? there’s a lot of artists i admire who can put lines down on the page and have it be immediately readable. i want to be like that. i guess it’s just a matter of Git Gud. god i’m still lacking in so many fundamentals

is it funny that i tell myself repeatedly that i hate drawing? because i hate drawing. i just like placing down ideas, someone finish the drawing for me LOL i dislike the whole process, the mental beatup, and the physical pains (i need to work on that). but seeing that i finished something really makes my brain pop like nothing else. it felt so rewarding to finish and distribute a comic booklet for the first time this year, after years of telling myself i’d do something like that. it’s also why i do a lot of weekly events, it’s my game jam completionist background hah. if i’m good at anything it’s pacing myself for timed events like that. but i’m not sure if i should do them next year since i want to focus more on personal projects.

sorry this turned out more complain-y than actual retrospective but i guess that just means i’m pretty motivated for next year. happy holidays.

#jjk spoilers #since this does have spoilers #xed.txt #thanks to all the follows and the sweet messages this past year as well <3

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wheelsup · 3 years

Text

the taming of the shrew | two

if i be waspish, best beware my sting

after some setbacks, penelope is willing to do anything to get you back on board. but has spencer already ruined things?

A/N: hello! im so sorry that this posting schedule is super inconsistent. the more i thought about this chapter, the less i liked the more technical aspects of it. but! i hope you enjoy to plot aspect of it nonetheless <3 thanks for reading!

category: fluff, slow burn series, spencer reid x fem!reader

wc: 4.4k

<- prev | next ->

Since that phone call with Penelope, she’d been over nearly every night for a week with plates of treats and onslaughts of apologies. Each time she came knocking, you told her there was no amount of persuasion that could change your mind. And yet the following night, she’d be there, a new type of pastry in hand and a new set of reasons why Spencer was worth the trouble.

First, she brought blueberry muffins and reasoned that deep below that prickly exterior, he really was everything she promised –– sweet and caring. But that must be deep, deep down. Like, The Lost City of Atlantis, deep down, because you didn’t expect it to surface any time soon.

Then, she brought fudge brownies and explained that his behavior wasn’t personal –– he was getting snippy with everyone lately. And while you maintained that anybody would have a hard time getting along with Spencer, you were absolutely positive that it was now impossible for you.

Quite frankly, it wasn’t just Spencer who was unwilling to play nice. You hated him. More than you’ve ever hated a stranger.

You wished him a lifetime riddled with minor inconveniences that would drive him to the edge of insanity. You wanted him to miss all his trains by just a quarter of a minute; close enough so that he could see it leave the platform, knowing he almost made it on. You wanted him to constantly feel like he was about to sneeze. You wanted his socks to be perpetually wet, and if he should happen to put on a dry pair? You hoped he stepped in a puddle.

That was all you could think about as you laid out on your couch, munching on one of Penelope’s lemon bars while she paced around your apartment. She kept going on and on advertising Spencer to you. As annoying as it was, she was also saving you a ton on groceries that week.

For the most part, you filtered her out. Not a single word that came out of her mouth was believable anymore, especially not when she was talking about Spencer. Despite what Penelope thought of him, you saw in him what she refused to accept.

As her speech came to a close, she looked at you like she expected a response to dignify her prattling.

“Give it a rest, Penelope. He’s a lost cause,” you laughed dryly. “He doesn’t need –– nor does he want –– anyone in his life.” At the very least, he definitely didn’t want you.

“Yes, that’s the problem!” If you’d been listening to her, you would’ve heard her saying the same thing. “He doesn’t want to date!”

Your head just about exploded when she said that.

There had been countless, fruitless conversations about this, and all along she saw the gaping hole in her supposedly airtight plan?

“If he doesn’t want to DATE, then WHAT was the point of this?!” Your fingers pressed the bridge of your nose; you suddenly felt a headache coming on. Funny how it always happened around the time of day that Penelope came to visit.

Penelope stopped pacing. She stalked over to your couch, picked your legs up by your ankle, and moved them to make space for herself. You begrudgingly sat upright as she took her place beside you.

“Because he’s not himself anymore. He’s not open like he used to be. Not to the people who care about him the most, and certainly not to the world.”

Penelope toyed with the hem of her dress, distracting herself from her quivering lip before pressing on, “Spencer Reid has always wanted love. And it’s not right that he no longer believes he can have it.”

You hadn’t seen Penelope look so desperate until now. It was concerning. Because what could make her look so hopeless? What could make Spencer so hopeless?

“Penelope, I don’t know what’s wrong with your little friend, but… there’s a lot more bubbling inside him than you’re letting on.”

She chewed up the insides of her cheeks, wincing to herself at your incredibly accurate claim.

“You are hiding something, aren’t you?” You narrowed your eyes on her. You were no detective, or whatever exactly her team did, but she was just awful at concealing her thoughts.

“It’s not my story to tell,” she murmured.

She could already feel herself about to give it away and doubled down her mental defenses against it. Focusing extra hard on keeping Spencer’s privacy intact. If only you knew her track record with secrets, you’d be proud of her for staying quiet this long.

“What isn’t your story?”

“That his girlfriend died last year.”

She spilled it before she even realized what she was saying. You’d just asked so nonchalantly that she forgot she was talking aloud. Penelope turned purple, terrified now that the whole truth was out there.

You couldn’t even take satisfaction in the fact that your trick worked. You were just as mortified as Penelope, and if you weren’t already sitting down, you knew you’d need to. You assumed there was something deeper going on with him, you didn’t think it was a dead girlfriend. That was some Nicholas Sparks shit.

“He pretends like he’s fine but I know he’s not. And if he found a way to move on, maybe he’d start feeling as okay as he claims to be,” she sniffled before snot could run from her nose, tears lining the rims of her eyes. “I know I should’ve given you the full picture, but I didn’t think you’d go for it if you knew…”

You were too floored to process it all right away. This added a whole new layer of complicated to an already uneasy arrangement.

“Well, I know you’re right about one thing. I would’ve said no.”

She gave you a set of pleading eyes, praying you’d see where she was coming from.

“I know,” she whispered defeatedly. “But maybe... now that you know, you can understand why he acts out the way he does.”

“Penelope, I can’t just… make someone move on, or –– or get them to believe in love! Especially when it’s fake.”

How on Earth did she expect you to pull that off? Did that guy from A Walk to Remember move on when Mandy Moore died? You hadn’t seen the ending of the movie, but you assumed not.

“I’m sorry, this is just… a lot bigger than the favor I thought it was ––”

“What if I could return it?” she cut in. The gears in her head started to turn, figuring ways to patch up the holes she made.

“There’s nothing I need from you.”

That couldn’t be true. Penelope looked around the room and it didn’t take her long to think of it.

“I can help you sell your art,” she tempted, gesturing to the scattered canvases. “You make all your income from this, right?”

You didn’t want to give any fuel to her fire, but you nodded. “What if… what if you didn’t have to settle for local buyers? What if I told you that you could make way more money selling them to the whole world?”

You chortled at her idea.

You were a local artist, through and through. Your art got put in local galleries and sold to local buyers. Nothing more, and that was fine with you. You realized it a long time ago that it was just a pipe dream to think you’d be more.

“I’m serious! You could get a separate painting studio, and stop living in one? Huh?” She wrapped her hand around your shoulder, waving the other in the air, urging you to picture it with her. “Imagine this: a kitchen that’s separate from your living room. A bed, inside it’s own four walls, and more than twelve feet from where you cook your meals.”

Pushing aside her so blatantly insulting your apartment, if that were a possibility, you’d want nothing more. But it already sounded foolish and you hadn’t even heard how she planned to pull it off.

“Penelope, I’m fine where I am. I make the money I need, and that’s... it’s fine.”

She gave you a pointed look. “You know, I can hack all search engine results to make sure you are what comes up first anytime someone enters the word ‘painting’, right?

An airy chuckle left your lips. Of course she could. You patted her thigh twice and stood up, prompting her to follow you to your door –– hopefully, so she can show herself to the other side of it. “Still no, Pen.”

“Just take some time to think about it!” Her voice carried through the wood as you shut it on her.

There was this one bench in Kenilworth Park – the one that overlooks the crystal clear pond – that you’d always been able to rely on to fix any problem.

There was hidden magic in the bushes that sprawled out from the edges of the water, surrounded by spiky green blades of overgrown grass. A simplicity you loved in baby ducklings paddling into the tiny body of water, swimming close together so they don’t get lost in, what seems to them, a whole ocean. And clarity provided by the freshest air in the world, under the shade of the big oak trees on a late summer afternoon.

But at the present, none of that came close to being enough.

The artist’s block started off as a minor inconvenience, but without your permission, had stretched into weeks of steadily declining motivation. Each new idea felt even worse than the last, and you were acutely aware that there would come a point where you’d officially hit maximum capacity for how awful they could get.

Still, that didn’t seem to light a fire under you. You happily coexisted with the blank pages of your sketchbook. Staring down at them, laying open on your lap in their stark-white glory, you felt like you were playing a waiting game. If you stared long and hard enough, maybe they’d flinch.

Unfortunately, you never got to find out who won, because your phone rang inside your pocket. As if the caller had interrupted an incredible genius at work (which couldn’t be farther from the truth), you hastily raised the phone to your ear, slamming your sketchbook shut.

“Hello?” Your voice wasn’t as kind as it could be for someone with nothing better to be doing. Two seconds later, you learned who was calling and came to regret it.

“Hi, This is Rebecca from District Arts, calling with a message from Andre ––”

“Oh, hi!” you tried to walk back your previous tone, straightening up in your seat and pitching your voice higher, “Yeah, I’ve been waiting to hear from him!”

While Rebecca intimidated you, Andre happened to be your closest friend at the gallery. He worked closely with the artists to curate their collection and help them make sales.

“Does he want to sort out what to set the opening bid prices at for my new pieces?” A handful of days ago, you sent him pictures of your new work and were waiting to hear his thoughts. You’d always been able to trust his opinion, and a vote of confidence from him might be just the thing to inspire you.

“Uhm…” There was a criminally long pause on the other side of the line, ended by Rebecca’s weary inhale. “Unfortunately, we’re calling to inform you that your pieces will not be included in the next rotation.”

For a minute, you weren’t sure what to make of what she said. You’d never heard those words before.

“What – what do you mean?” you laughed nervously. She probably misspoke. Perks of friendship aside, Andre always included you in sets.

“Ugh, let me just get him…” her voice faded away as she put the phone down.

That wasn’t exactly the reassuring statement you were looking for. In the time it took for the call to switch hands, your confusion finally melted in. And then quickly boiled into anger.

The District Arts gallery changed their entire collection every two months. The pieces shown accepted rolling bids throughout the full eight weeks, finally selling at the end of term to their highest offer. After that, the pieces got taken down, sent to happy new owners, and the entire gallery reset with entirely new works.

So if you missed one rotation, that meant waiting two months to get back in.

“Andre, how am I just cut from the gallery!” you barked before he could get a word in. If he didn’t like your work, he could’ve just said so.

“No one said that ––”

“Okay, let me rephrase.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, something you found yourself doing quite frequently lately, and took a deep breath in and out. It was seemingly just for show because it did absolutely nothing to calm you down. “Why wouldn’t you put me in the next set? I’m in all of them!”

“I know you are!” He sounded just as upset. “It’s just that… we give you the biggest space we have, because you always manage to fill it up. But this time… I’m not so sure you can.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you scoffed. “What makes you say that?” You asked that, but you knew.

“You’ve only finished three pieces… I’m worried how you’ll deliver seven more before we set up.”

“But… it’s four weeks away, I could do ––”

“And it took you four weeks to make what you have... I’m sorry. We couldn’t take that gamble.”

He took your silence as an opportunity to turn off the work talk and speak, just friend to friend.

“You know that I trust you and I’d hold that spot if I could. But, I also know what you’re going through right now, and… I don’t know, maybe letting yourself rest would be a good thing?”

Your heart paused. By, “knowing what you’re going through”, you assumed he didn’t mean the little artist’s block.

“If you’re implying that I can’t do my job because of what happened with Cyrus –”

“I’m not, I’m not....” he backtracked as quickly as he could. “But take another look at the paintings you showed me and tell me if they feel like you.”

Even if he was right, you wanted to fight him. You wanted to cry. You wanted to beg that you didn’t need that big space; you were willing to downsize and just turn in the three that you had. Even if they got shoved into the corner where hardly anybody bothered to look. You just couldn’t afford to go two months without the income.

But even with tears beading up, you realized that the gallery couldn’t afford it either. They needed to bring in money and you couldn’t do that for them this time. So they were right to go to someone who can.

“Right,” you sniffled, recollecting yourself so he can’t hear the shakiness in your voice. “I understand. It’s a big risk, like you said… It’s for the better.”

Andre tried to thank you for being understanding and spewed some sort of encouragement. The words flew over your head. You managed to toss in a few ‘mhmm’s and ‘sure’s at the right places to coast you along until the call finally ended.

As soon as it went dead, you dropped your phone to the side and brought your hands to your face, rubbing them furiously over your cheeks. Your fingertips pressed hard into your eyelids, trying to forcibly reabsorb the tears threatening to spill.

It almost worked, until you tried to breathe.

A full sob escaped in that one gulp of air and you succumbed to it. But the loud crunching noise of some pedestrian walking over the falling leaves destroyed your sense of privacy, and you quickly wiped away all signs of your breakdown. The crunching stopped just short of your bench and on instinct you flicked your eyes up to see who the intruder was.

You did a double take. It was him. That fucking asshole.

He was standing there, looking dumber than you could even remember, with his hands in his coat pockets and a curious look on his face as he watched you cry. Tucking your sketchbook under your arm in haste, you made it a point to stand up with as much aggression as possible, rolling your eyes at him.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” you barked. “No need to yell at me this time.”

You bristled past him, barely refraining yourself from checking his shoulder as payback. You wanted to believe you were better than him, but it did sound incredibly tempting. He stood there for a moment before turning on his heel and following you.

“Wait,” he groaned.

You didn’t listen, neither stopping nor slowing down.

“I said wait,” he huffed as he caught up to you, popping up at your side and jogging along as you kept going.

“Yeah, because I need to listen to a guy who yells at strangers in bookstores.”

Now that you’d brought up the elephant in the room, your feet started moving even faster, working double time to get you away from him.

Damn the fact that he had those long legs. He didn’t even break a sweat trying to keep up. He was inescapable.

“Well, if you waited like I asked, you would’ve gotten an apology for the ––”

“Gee, thanks!” you yelled, stopping for only a second to turn to him and give him a mocking bow of your head, hands clasped together like you were praising at his altar. “I was waiting with bated breath for that! Thank you, kind sir, for now my life can go on.”

“Look, I’m actually sorry,” he snapped. Then in realizing the irony, softened his voice, “I’m sorry for being rude. I was having a bad day… not that that’s an excuse.”

You stared at him blankly, just watching his mouth moving quickly and waiting until it finally stopped.

“Did you need something?”

“Did you… did you not hear what I just said?!”

“No, sorry,” you smiled, voice sweet like sugar. “My ears filter bullshit. Wanna try again?”

He scoffed, looking away like he couldn’t believe you before stepping even closer. “What’s your problem?”

“Me!? The fuck –– what the fuck is your problem?” You turned and stormed off again, seething at his audacity. Spencer just couldn’t relent his annoying tendencies and followed yet again.

“My problem is that I’m trying to be nice, and you’re not letting me!”

You got a good, hard laugh out of that. “Okay, first of all, having to apologize for yelling at me and pushing me isn’t exactly the best starting point for the journey of becoming a nice person.”

“Like I said, I was having a bad day.”

Under your breath, you muttered, “Well, I hope this one’s even worse.”

“Why are you such a ––” He stopped himself from finishing that thought. Even in his worst mood, he wouldn’t cross that line.

But he didn’t need to finish it, you knew exactly where he wanted to take it. The soles of your shoes scraped against the loose gravel as you came to a grinding halt, ears ringing.

“A what?” You turned to face him, a sarcastic smile on your face growing wider as he started to shrink more and more. You got up close in his face, daring him to say what he really wanted to. So he could reinforce your belief in exactly the type of person he was. “A what?”

Spencer pursed his lips and shook his head, refusing to say it no matter how much you challenged him. If he wasn’t going to have the balls to say it, you decided to take it upon yourself.

“Tell you what, you keep thinking about it and get back to me the next time you’re in a cunty mood.”

The word he was thinking of was probably not as bad, but you had a habit of escalating things. Even if you took this one too far, you didn’t care.

Before you tried to take off again, Spencer’s hand flew to your elbow. He tugged you back, forcing you to turn around and face him. He didn’t know his own strength; without any resistance, you came stumbling into his chest, at risk of falling over if it weren’t for his tight grip on your arm.

It took you a beat to push him away with both your hands on his chest, vocalizing your disgust for being so close to him.

“Can you stop trying to disagree with me for a second? I’m trying to tell you that you’re right, I was being a… well, you know…” He avoided the word. Apparently ‘cunt’ was where he drew the line. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”

Your nostrils were still flared and blood hot as ever, but he made you pause. He looked sincere, if not a little tinged with guilt as well. You were suspicious of it.

“You saw me crying and felt bad, didn’t you?”

He laughed darkly. “Well, I saw you, yes. Did I feel bad? No.”

“Oh, my God,” you growled, berating yourself for getting close to believing he might be capable of decency.

“I’m joking! I’m joking.” He squeezed your elbow twice in earnest. “I did feel bad, but that’s not why I wanted to say it.”

“Okay.” You weren’t ready to give him a real smile, so you flattened your lips into a thin line and nodded once slowly, and left it at that.

You still weren’t a fan, but the apology did dampen some of the resentment. Maybe he wasn’t the worst person alive. You’d settle for saying top ten most annoying, instead.

Minutes later, you came to the startling realization that he was still on the path, just two paces behind you. You flinched when you saw him out of the corner of your eye, not expecting him to still be here.

“Uhm. Where are you… why are you still following me?”

“I’m not. My car’s that way,” he gestured to the parking lot at the end of the long walkway. “I forgot my loaf for the ducks.” He didn’t mean to offer that information up, it just slipped out. He could practically see your smug expression coming before it even got there.

“You’re not supposed to feed bread to the ducks. It’s bad for them.”

“I don’t.” He didn’t care to explain this to you, but he couldn’t have you thinking he was any less competent than he really was. “It’s a special bread made from water and seeds that were ground into flour. It’s duck-safe.”

“They make duck-safe bread?” Now that was something you’d never heard before.

“No… I make duck-safe bread,” he said softly under his breath.

You didn’t know how else you were supposed to react to that besides laughing wildly.

“You make it?” He nodded like you were the crazy one here. As if he wasn’t the one spending his spare time grinding up seeds and baking loaves of bread for ducks, donning a frilly pink apron and oven mitts as he did so. At least that’s how you imagined it. “Why not just feed them the seeds?”

“Because, loose seeds will sink in the water and can potentially clog waterbeds and cause foreign bacteria growth in the pond.”

“So you… hand-make the seeds into a little loaf of bread so it doesn't do that?”

He confirmed. You pondered silently for a moment, then absolutely had to ask, “You ever eaten the duck bread before?”

Spencer was caught off guard by that question. His cheeks deepened to a rosy color.

“Yeah, well, it was the house so…” he laughed nervously and stared at his sneakers. “It’s actually not too bad.”

You weren’t entirely surprised by that. You remembered what his grocery basket looked like, and given those same options, you probably would’ve tried the duck bread too. Still, you cracked the smallest of grins at knowing he makes bread for ducks. The one, sole redeeming fact you’ve learned about Spencer.

You reached your car first, and Spencer stopped in front of it with you.

“I’m actually sorry, you know,” he whispered once more, hand resting at the top of your car door as you opened it. He wasn’t talking about the incident at the bookstore.

“Yeah…” For a while you were so busy being angry at Spencer that you forgot about your own problems.

He noticed your nose was still red around the edges, eyes still a little bleary. “Are you okay, by the way?” His voice was too soft, too genuine.

You shook your head no.

“Is there anything I can do?” You shook your head again. And then you had an awful thought.

You knew he was just offering to help just to say it, because that’s how people react when you say you’re not okay even if they don’t care. But there actually was something he could do for you… Something that Penelope could do.

“Uh, no but…” you fixed your hair and tucked it behind your ear, seamlessly switching to a flirtier voice. “If you still feel bad about the other day, you’re welcome to make it up to me.”

Spencer cocked his head to the side, unsure of how he could do that.

“Hang out with me sometime.”

“H-hang out?” You could tell that it flustered him, even if he tried to play it off. He swallowed thickly, nose twitching and brows scrunched together.

“Relax, I really do just mean hang out.” You were lying through your teeth. He didn’t need to know that.

As if he didn’t want to think about it for a second longer and just get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, he agreed without thinking it through. He didn’t even ask why an almost complete stranger would want to hang out with him.

You stuck your hand out, expecting him to hand over his cell so you could put your contact into it. He rocked on the balls of his feet, watching as you input your contact and sent yourself a text on his phone.

“Hi, this is…” you read out your message as you typed, pausing at just the right place. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Oh-uh, I’m Spencer.”

A devilish grin took over your face, hidden from his view while you were looking down at the screen. He was going to be easy to fool.

agh! im still not in love with how this chapter is turning out, but it came to a point where i just had to stop fiddling with it and just post it. any feedback or comments about this story is very much appreciated 💕

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