#my baby my angel my weird fucking bird

[sparkles-and-trash]

These fuckass birds HAS to be the inspo for Hawks’ hair, you CANNOT tell me otherwise???

[its-time-to-write]

This may be a bit of a strange idea (Feel free to ignore this request)

But since your about Jaime Tartt baby fic. I had the thought of Jaime trying to give reader a break takes the baby in a stroller to training with Roy and Roy is just kind of like WTF and other hijinks ensue like maybe someone flirts with Jamie with the baby or roy gets left with the baby at somepoint or Reader is freaken out cause the baby is gone. IDK just an idea that has been stuck in my head since I read your baby fic

Dude this request was not strange AT ALL. It was actually nice because it was similar to something I wanted to write, and I haven’t been able to do that because I’ve been doing requests. THANK YOU.

i’ll still be right next to you my dear

Your daughter Bea is five months old. You’re still sleep-deprived, but less than you were a month ago. Jamie does his absolute best as her dad and your husband, but the weight of it still falls to you. Things have gotten considerably less tense, too, since you moved out of the flat and back into your house. It was weird at first, both you and Jamie walking on little eggshells around each other. 

The tension was broken with an all-hands-on-deck moment at 1am, when Bea had a stomach bug or something, and you two had no choice but to just laugh in resignation at the sheer enormity of the mess she made. There go the beginnings of sleep training. 

Bea had her own schedule, one that involved being an early bird like her dad. She would wake up five to ten minutes before his 3:30 alarm went off, and it got to the point where he barely even set it anymore. 

Jamie would get out of bed, throw on some pants, change her, and then zip through his morning routine. He’d put her back to bed, give you a half-awake kiss, then be out the door before Roy could knock. 

(Roy made that mistake early on, waking Bea. You thoroughly chewed him out in an exhausted rage. Jamie says it’s the closest thing he’s ever seen to Roy crying).

Anyway, at 3:55 this Saturday morning, Jamie kisses you, says, “I’ve got Bea, so sleep in,” and is gone before you even know what’s happening. 

You flop back on the pillow and are out in seconds. 

—

“The fuck is this?” Roy says the moment Jamie steps out the door, pushing a happy Bea in her jogging stroller.

“The fuck does it look like?” Jamie replies. “Her mum needed sleep, so Bea’s joining us for training.” He leans over the stroller to look at his daughter and coos, “Isn’t that right, angel?”

Bea makes a delighted gurgle and Roy grunts.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me the great Uncle Roy is daunted by a silly wee baby?” Jamie says, grinning. “You are Bea’s favorite.”

Roy glares at Jamie. “Don’t fucking lie to me, everyone knows Sam’s her fucking favorite. She even likes fucking Isaac better than me.”

Jamie pouts. “Don’t listen to him, Bea. We know you love Uncle Roy, even though he’s being a twat.”

Roy just grunts and looks at Bea. “You know how I feel about you, kid,” he says. She babbles. She knows. 

“Alright, come on. Suppose the stroller gives your dad some extra weight while he runs.”

Jamie grins, and starts jogging down the street.

—

You wake up to the sound of silence. No Bea, no Jamie. Just birds chirping and the sun shining. You squint at the clock. 8:37am. You reach for your phone and see a selfie from Jamie of him, Bea, and Roy marked 7:02am with the caption, headed to breakfast! 

You now have a hazy recollection of Jamie saying something about taking Bea when he left, but it felt like a dream at the time. The silence makes more sense now. 

You smile and send heart emojis. I love you! you type. 

love u 2, Jamie replies. Then: I hope that was for me not Roy?

You shake your head. That boy. He thinks he’s a comedian.

You roll out of bed and stretch. Time for a nice, long shower, then a good coffee from Jamie’s complementary espresso machine. You’re not gonna lie, there are certain perks to being married to a footballer.

—

Meanwhile, Jamie and Roy have stopped for breakfast at a café that Roy says fits in with Jamie’s diet. He says no coffee and Jamie makes a disgusted face and replies you’re not the boss of me, which is why they’re letting Bea decide if Jamie gets coffee or not by seeing who will get her to smile first. 

Jamie wins, of course. It’s part of being a dad. 

They’re sitting at a table outside till 9am, Bea out of her stroller and in Jamie’s arms. They’re on their third cups of coffee and Bea’s draining her bottle of formula like there’s no tomorrow. Jamie is in the middle of stroking Bea’s nose (a miniature version of yours) and watching her eyes blink slow, when two girls walk up to their table. 

“Ohmygod, no way, is that your baby?” one girl asks. 

Jamie looks up and gives a polite, perfunctory, “yeah,” and turns back to Bea. Roy’s sitting back in his seat, ready to watch this unfold. 

“It is like, so totally adorable. There’s something so sweet about a baby, don’t you think?” the other girl says, putting her hand on Jamie’s shoulder. He shifts away as politely as he can. 

“I just think that like, men with babies are so much hotter than men without babies,” girl 1 continues, oblivious to Jamie, who has shifted Bea onto his chest and is displaying his left hand as conspicuously as possible. He taps Bea’s back with his ring finger in what he hopes is an absentminded manner. 

Roy holds back a snort.

“Especially single dads,” says girl 2. “Soo hot. I’ll give you my number if you ever need a babysitter.”

She’s barely done speaking when Jamie blurts out, “I’m married.” He looks so harried that this time Roy can’t hold back a laugh. The girls turn to him with a glare, then back to Jamie. 

“She doesn’t have to know,” says one of them. 

“Pretty sure she does,” Jamie replies. “And anyway, I ain’t interested. Have a good morning.”

Bea, the angel that she is chooses that exact moment to start burping. 

The girls give her a disgusted look and turn away. 

Roy looks at Jamie, eyebrows raised and a ghost of a smile on his face. “Nice fucking move with the ring finger,” he says. “If it were me, I’d’ve fucking given them a different fucking finger.”

“That’s where you and me differ, granddad,” Jamie replies, wiping spit up off his vest (waterproof, thank god), “I’m a gentleman.”

Roy rolls his eyes and shakes his head. 

— 

The windows are open, the laundry is spinning, and you’re dancing around the house. You love Bea, but god you also love good rest. And a clean house. And Jamie Tartt. Man, you love him. You can’t believe he took Bea out for the whole morning and knowing him and Roy, they’ll be out until at least 11am. You smile. That gives you time to head to the shops and pick up some flowers, which will make you feel like a civilized human being, one who has her life together and can take care of her child and her husband and maybe, just maybe, one who is in the mood to get laid tonight. 

—

Jamie and Roy are strolling through Richmond, passing by shops and enjoying what feels like the first lovely day in ages. Jamie hasn’t heard from you since you asked is this shirt clean or dirty? with a picture near the washing machine. He knows Saturday cleaning is like a ritual to you, one you picked up in high school and carried on through college. You have a system and you take your time, windows open and music playing. He can picture you spinning around the house putting things away, and that mental image is enough to make his face split into a smile. He remembers the Saturdays you spent before Bea, you cleaning and dancing, and him, well, not helping but certainly dancing with you and promising that he’ll give you more dirty sheets to wash if you’d just take a tiny little break? In the bedroom? With no clothes on because they need to be washed, wink wink?

It usually worked. 

You’d lay in bed for precisely ten minutes afterward, take a no-nonsense shower, then kick him out of the house. He’d be gone for an hour, buying you that chocolate you liked and whatever flowers he thought suited the day. There’s a good thought. He should get you flowers, a reminder of their early days of romance. And maybe, just maybe, Bea can sleep soundly enough that they can revive other traditions, too. 

“Roy,” Jamie begins.

“No.”

“Oi, you didn’t even let me finish!” he says indignantly.

“Fine. What do you fucking want.”

“It ain’t for me,” Jamie says, “it’s for Bea. And my wife. I want to get her flowers, but it ain’t easy to push the stroller and look. Can you take Bea around the green? I’ll come find ya when I’m done.”

Roy stares at Jamie, and Jamie is sure he’s going to say no. But then Roy walks around to the front of the stroller and crouches down in front of Bea. 

“If your dad fucking goes and gets flowers for your mum, do you promise to be alright for twenty minutes? I know I’m not fucking Sam or Isaac, but Phoebe thinks I’m a good uncle. She’s a proper fucking dweeb, but a good judge of character.”

Bea just stares at him. Roy slaps his thighs and stands up. “Alright,” he says. “Let’s go.”

Jamie grins and says, “Bye, Beatrice. Be good for Uncle Roy.” He gives her a kiss on her forehead, a boop on the nose, and is gone, weaving through Richmond, man on a mission. 

“Your mum’s a fucking saint for putting up with him,” Roy says to Bea. Bea says nothing. She’s fallen asleep. Roy shrugs and starts pushing her in the direction of the green. Better asleep than crying. 

—

You’re showered, dressed, with just a touch of makeup, and you’re on your way to the flower shop. There’s this little one you and Jamie used to go to. You know the owner a little, but you suppose Jamie knows her better because he’s been in more. She’s about the age of his mum, and has a soft spot for him. He overpays and always leaves one flower for her. He hasn’t had the time to be over since Bea, so you say hello and show her some baby pictures, and then some of Bea and Jamie. You both laugh over your favorite, Jamie passed out on the couch, mouth open, wearing gray sweatpants and a single sock, with Bea on his stomach in a gray onesie and a single sock. She’s drooling on him and his hair’s a mess, but you think it’s adorably hilarious. Like father, like daughter. 

Now, you’re perusing the flowers. It smells wonderful, the warm weather diffusing the fragrances through the shop. You turn a corner and bonk straight into a man with his back turned to you. You open your mouth to apologize and he turns, and out comes, “Jamie?”

He smiles and you peer behind him. “Where’s Bea? Oh my god Jamie, did you lose our daughter? She had better be close by, I swear to god, Jamie Tartt, how do you lose an entire baby, especially one as noisy as Bea?!” 

You’re oblivious to Jamie’s attempts to interrupt your rant, so when you pause for a breath he says, “love.”

You turn to face him, from where you were trying to stand on your tiptoes hoping for a glimpse of Bea’s stroller. 

“I didn’t lose her. She’s with Roy. D’you really think I’m that irresponsible?” 

He looks so hurt that you realize what you’ve been saying. Your hands fly up to your mouth. Of course Jamie wouldn’t lose Bea. He loves her. He looks at her as though she makes the stars shine. 

“Babe. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just wasn’t expecting to see you, and then I wasn’t expecting to see you without Bea, and I thought I’d surprise you by getting flowers before you both got back, and-” you stop. Jamie is gently holding your face and smiling, no longer hurt. 

“Babe,” he says, “love of me life and best mum around, it’s ok. I know whatcha mean.” He tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Bit funny we had the same idea, innit?”

You smile. You’d been so caught up in your split-second worry about Bea, you didn’t even realize what was happening. 

“Guess some things don’t change,” you reply. “You pick out any good ones?”

Jamie places his hand over his heart. “Love. I only pick out good ones. I picked you, didn’t I?” You laugh at his sparkling eyes, and put your hands on his waist, pulling him close. 

“Pretty sure I picked you,” you reply. 

Jamie hums. “That’s a fuckin lie, and you know it.”

Your feeble retort is cut off by his lips on yours. 

—

You and Jamie walk toward the green, hand in hand. He’s holding bright yellow daffodils in the other. 

Jamie spots Roy first. “Oi!” he yells, “look who I found!”

You wave, jog over to Bea, and crouch down. “Hi baby! I missed you! Did you have fun with Uncle Roy?” Bea babbles at the sound of your voice. 

“Oh good,” you reply, “he is your third-favorite uncle, after all.”

Roy nods. “You fucking get it. Jamie tried to feed me this fucking bullshit that I was fucking number one.”

“Jamie!” you say. “Everyone knows it goes Sam, then Isaac, then Roy.”

Jamie puts his hands up defensively. 

“Honesty,” Roy says, “Such an admirable quality. Remind me again why you’re with this fucking prick?”

You pretend to think for a moment then say, “For his money.”

Jamie says “Oi!” so you quickly amend, “And his smokin’ hot body.”

Jamie nods, satisfied. “That’s better.”

Roy is looking at Jamie in disgust. “You two are so fucking adorable, it’s fucking disgusting. C’mon Bea. I see Sam over by that bench. Let’s give these fucking idiots some time alone.”

You and Jamie turn to each other. 

“He said we’re adorable,” you say, grinning. 

“He said we get alone time,” Jamie says, grinning back. 

“Roy!” you call, “how much time do we have?”

“Three hours!” Sam yells back. “I want to walk Bea to my restaurant!”

You and Jamie turn back to each other, giddy. 

“You know what that means,” you say. 

“Sex,” he replies immediately. 

You laugh and grab his hand. “C’mon, babe. Let’s enjoy our alone time.”

As you walk away, Jamie says, “Oi, need to tell you about these girls who were trying to flirt with me. But don’t worry, I gave them the finger.” He holds up his ring finger and you slap his arm. 

“This is why I love you.”

“Really? And here I only thought you were with me for my money,” he replies. 

“And your hot body. Don’t forget that one,” you say. 

“How could I forget?” he says. “When we get home, let’s put it to some good use.

[vexic929]

Drawfee Quotes Prompt List

These quotes live rent free in my head. Send a number and a character for a ficlet!

This is a family show...for fuck's sake

If God's ever been mad at anything I've said, he hasn't done shit about it - so he either doesn't care or he's a coward

Mayonnaise is food lube

Are we human or are we Luigi?

It's not that I don't like it I just hate it

We have learned nothing and will continue to learn nothing

Hedgehog the animal or hedgehog the Sonic?

These are not Joanna's eggs and these are not Joanna's legs

If you are between the ages of 3 and 25, you are a toddler

I'm just viscerally afraid of any living organism who looks like a fucking Windows Media Player visualizer

"I wanna be a weird baby" "No..." "Wouldn't have to do shit" "N-okay, fair"

"Koochie-koo" doesn't pay the taxes!

They're in the same surrealist baby play group

If someone ruins my beverage experience that person is a criminal

"My brain went on a really quick tangent" "Yes" "Do we think-" "No"

You gotta really put your tits in that voice

I don't wanna bodyshame this alien but I...don't like looking at him

You get turned into dust because they suck all of the liquid out of your body...like a mermaid

And then Hot Joseph unloads his beautiful nectar into my mouth, and the rest of my day is so much better because of it!

I'm like the tortoise if the tortoise also lost the race

It's like they said in Star War The Last Jedi: the past fucking sucks, dude...ignore that shit and get a lightsaber

"Is he giving you a jizzle?" "Don't say that…" "Don't say jizzle" "Well that's like slang for a joint" "It's not, I promise you it's not"

It goes like this the fourth the fifth the yaoi hands his rock hard tits...

You make misses all of the misses you don't misses

Birds are infamously religious, because they fly close to the sun and that's where Jesus lives...in the sun

Dogs are kinda simps by nature

You could just strap a fish across your titties if you wanted

Do you think Adam from Bible was a horse??

Heavy are the chests that carry the tits

They're God's angels and also God's himbos

[seeingivy]

HI RONNIE!!!! HOPE ALL IS WELL POOKIE!! i just have a suggestion for your gojo fics + ts songs if you haven’t done it already bc i havent rlly checked but gorgeous from reputation 😋😋😋

gorgeous

satoru gojo x f!reader

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

content: nothing much, just some good old thirsting for our favorite sorcerer

an: HELLO MY BELOVED BABIE POOKIE SWEETIE PIE FACE!!! of course I can do gorgeous (which this is actually the fourth time it's been requested for taylor as gojo so I had to do it as fast as I could) fun fact: this was one of my surprise songs when my older sister flew me out to see the eras tour in atlanta!!!!

--

The rosé is sweet as it trickles down your throat, immediately filling you with a warm, fuzzy feeling in the center of your chest. 

“We’ve only been here for twenty minutes.” Nanami says, reaching to take the bottle from you. 

“And I’ve had the longest week of my life. Please mind your own business, Kento.” you respond, reaching for the bottle back from him. 

A measly tradition from when you were masters students together is now the only reason you’re making it to the end of the week. After a load of corporate bullshit for Nanami, insane work hours for Shoko, and the most disorganized elementary school in the metropolitan area for you, the three of you come together to bitch and get drunk. 

Let loose. And let loose really means let loose, because the bartender hates you so much that he has a picture of the three of you printed on the front door with a very menacing Do Not Enter sign next to it. 

“Hi Toji.” 

“I’m going to permanently ban you from this bar one day. And I’ll feel no remorse when I kick you out on your ass either.” 

“Toji, stop flirting with me or I’m going to fall in love with you.” 

Toji wrinkles his nose in disgust, looking borderline offended that you would even say such a thing, as he places three beers on the table. You shoot him a wink and he flips you off in response as he walks back to his spot behind the bar. 

“So what is that asshat doing?” Nanami asks. 

You turn your head to find Hiro, the stupid pathologist you’ve been dating for the past eight months, doing some type of…interpretive dance in the middle of the bar with a blonde girl. Interpretive dance is a nice word for twerking on each other. 

“Networking.” 

Shoko and Nanami nearly burst out laughing before pushing their bottles towards you, which you happily accept. 

“You win. What an absolute idiot.” 

You all laugh as you watch Hiro go on, matching disgusted faces plastered on the three of your faces as his arms become more uncoordinated with each changing beat. You turn your head to the side, swallowing down your disgust with Nanami’s beer and silently thanking the Ancient Sumerians for creating the aforementioned beer for you to drown your pity in.  

The door of the bar swings open behind you and Nanami and Shoko lift their hands up, giving a polite wave, before sinking back down into their chairs. You turn around to look at who they were waving at and feel your breath get tangled in your throat. 

Are you drunk? Yes. Are you a little bit delusional? Probably. Is this probably a result of the idiot you’ve been dating doing some type of weird, inappropriate bird mating call on the dance floor that’s more embarrassing for you than it is for him? For sure. 

But the human personification of beauty just walked into the smelly bar and you think you’ve fallen in love. In lust. In whatever you can have with this man, because he’s literally the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. 

He’s tall, his defined arms peeking out through the white, buttoned collared shirt he’s wearing. His sleeves are pulled just past his forearms, because he’s a whore, putting the tiniest of veins on display and honestly, making you foam at the mouth. Not only is he built, not only is he fit but he literally has the face of a fucking angel. 

You’ve never understood that entire thing. Attraction at first sight. You need to sit down, get to know someone, before you can truly like them. And tonight, you stand corrected because there’s something magnetic about him. You can’t help but notice, can’t help but pay attention to him walking around the bar. 

You think it’s illegal. Because who the fuck walks into this dinky ass bar looking like that? Sparkly blue eyes, peeking from behind a pair of sunglasses, and perfectly tousled, snow white hair. Looks that could kill. Like literally kill, because your heart is beating so fast it’s going to explode.  

He walks past the door and takes a seat at the bar, leaning against the table to order his drink. And you’re sure your inhibitions are not present because of the bottle of wine and now four beers that you’ve downed, but you’re full on ogling him. 

Because your day, your week, your life can suck ass but you’ve grown enough to know that you should let yourself enjoy the little things in life. Which includes flagrantly gawking at this beautiful, beautiful stranger. 

“You’re staring.” 

You turn around to face Shoko and Nanami again, nearly twitching in your seat. 

“Who the fuck is that?” 

“Satoru Gojo. He’s a medical malpractice lawyer, he helped out a co-worker of mine a few months ago.” responds Shoko, placing a fresh cigarette in between her teeth. 

“His firm is right across from my office. I see him on the train sometimes on the way to work.” says Nanami, leaning over to light Shoko’s stick. 

“Do you know the things I would do to that man?” 

“What?” 

“I need that man. Horrendously. Biblically. Like we’re Adam and Eve, creating something new. Who the fuck looks like that? Who the fuck walks into Toji’s disgusting ass bar looking like a Greek god? Like an angel descended from the heavens?” 

“Are we talking about the same guy?” Shoko asks, blowing the smoke out of her mouth. 

“Shut up. Don’t act like you don’t go goo goo ga ga over Utahime every time you see her at one of my work functions. This guy is my Utahime.”

“Y/N. Stop.” 

“Shut up Kento. One night with Satoru Gojo and I’d literally lose my fucking mind. Like freak shit - on the table, in the bathroom, on the kitchen counter. Like you know that mind-blowing person you still think about when you’re a smelly, old senile person reliving your glory days when your husband cheats on you? That man under me would be MY glory days. He’s fucking gorgeous.” 

You feel a hand slide around your shoulder and the aforementioned gorgeous man is now sitting right next to you, his other hand resting on your knee. He’s smiling, his eyes even more dazzling when they’re filled with the sincerity of a smile. 

“Gorgeous, huh?” he says, reaching forward to pinch your cheek. 

You stick your face in your hands as you move away from his burning touch.. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. He leans forward to shake hands with Shoko and Nanami, exchanging pleasantries with them. The traitors. 

“Were you planning on telling me he was standing right behind me listening while I listed all the ways I would do him, Kento?” 

“What do you think ‘Y/N stop it’ means?” he responds. 

“No need to be ashamed, sweetheart. I think it’s really cute.” 

You roll your eyes as you scoot closer to the other edge of the bench, drowning in your embarrassment as Kento and Shoko break into conversation with Gojo. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

“Hey babe. Are you ready to leave?” 

Hiro’s now standing at the side of the table, sweat dripping down the side of his face, as he gestures for you to stand up. And now it’s even more embarrassing, because Gojo looks way too excited to be meeting Hiro right now. 

“I’m not sure we’ve met. I’m Satoru Gojo.” 

“Hiro. I’m dating Y/N.” 

Satoru looks over, smirking at you, before he leans back - and sends your head into a tizzy in the process because who the hell looks attractive smirking like that. 

“Congratulations. You must be really happy together. Life changing.” he says. 

You can feel your cheeks burning. He’s teasing you. You just admitted all the things you would do to him out loud, about how one night with him would change your life, and not only did he hear but now he’s sticking it to your boyfriend too. 

You push past him in the booth, give Shoko and Nanami a halfhearted smile, before you drag Hiro out of the bar with you. 

--

You sit against the pavement, bumping knees with Itadori, as you both eye the empty parking lot in front of you. 

“I’m really sorry. My grandpa should actually be here any minute.” 

You look over at him, his pink hair tousled messily and the way he’s nervously fidgeting with the strings of his yellow hoodie. You give him a smile, knowing all too well the embarrassment of being the last kid picked up from school. Patiently waiting for someone to remember to pick you up. 

“Are you enjoying the third grade, Itadori?” 

“Yeah. I made a few friends recently which is nice.” 

“That’s always fun, kid. I’m glad you’re situating okay. Do you like the area?” 

“I kind of miss my old house. But it’s nice to spend time with my grandpa.” 

You feel your heart ache as you remember the little file they sent over, the written note from your principal pressed on top. That his parents passed away just before the start of the school year and his grandfather, one of his only living family members, wasn’t doing too well either. 

“Do you like your teacher?” 

He looks over, a shy smile on his face. 

“She’s okay.” 

You smile, reaching forward to mess with her hair. 

“Just okay? I think I’m pretty cool.” 

“Eh.” 

You reach into your pocket for the lollipop you swiped from your stash and hold it out in front of him. You watch his face light up, his excited little hands ripping the paper off. 

“Am I cool yet, Itadori?” 

“Freezing.” 

You smile, giving his shoulder a squeeze as a black car pulls up, stopping right in front of you. And out comes Satoru Gojo, in all his beauty, and one of your other students, Megumi Fushiguro. 

Megumi runs straight up to Itadori, holding out his hand, as he starts dragging him to the car. You stand up, awkwardly brushing your palms against your pencil skirt as Satoru walks up to you, a smirk on his face. 

And what the fuck is he doing here?

“Hi.” 

“Hello. Are you here to pick up Itadori?” 

“Sure am, pretty girl. Have a note from his grandpa, he’s not really feeling well.” 

You nod, ignoring the tingle in your hands as he brushes his fingers against yours to hand you the note. You pretend to read the note as you try to calm your breaths and look back up at him. 

Ocean blue eyes, staring into yours. 

“Perfect. Well, you’re good to go.” 

Satoru gives you a look before bending down to Itadori and Megumi’s heights, giving them the keys to the car and full access to playing with his stereo system. They both excitedly run into the car, leaving you and Satoru outside the school. 

“Are you not leaving?” 

“I thought we could chat for a bit.” 

You clench your fists as he takes Itadori’s seat on the pavement and gestures for you to sit next to him. You both eye Megumi and Itadori in the car, the two of them now sticking their faces too close to the air conditioning vents and manically laughing at how poofed up their hair is getting. 

“How are you?” 

“Satoru Gojo. Are you really making me sit here on the pavement to ask me how I am?” 

“Yes.” 

“Why?” 

“Well. I already know a lot about you. Your name, your occupation, how you feel about me. I feel like we skipped a few steps so we should backtrack. I didn’t even know you were my kids' teacher till about three seconds ago.” he says, smirking over at you. 

“Excuse me. How I feel about you?” 

“Oh, you know. On the table, in the bathroom, on the kitchen counter.” he responds, his voice all sing-songy. 

“Isn’t your wife waiting for you at home?” 

You can feel the jealousy seething in you already, because you know his answer. Because there is no universe where this man does not have a girlfriend already. The best ones are already taken. He leans closer, pinching your cheek in response. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” 

“I think the whole my kid’s elementary school teacher cheating affair is cliche, Satoru. Dare I say, even more cliche than the nanny.” 

“But not as cliche as the secretary.” 

“Oh, of course not. That’s the holy grail of cliche cheating affairs.” 

He laughs, leaning back on his forearms as you both fall into the silence. Stupid, fucking gorgeous funny charismatic looking-

“No wife for me fortunately. Or girlfriend either.” 

That’s somehow worse. Because if he had a girlfriend, you could be jealous of her. Put her face on a cardboard box and kick it off a cliff. But he’s single. And now he’s just something you want but can’t have. Entirely attainable but not in your reach. 

Also known as, frustrating as hell. 

“Shame. I’m sure girls are lining up at the door to experience the joys of dating you.” 

“And you’re first in line, sweetheart.” 

You feel your cheeks burn as he stands up, the tension so unbearable you can feel it eating at you alive. He holds his hand out, that little tingle running through you again, as he helps you up, now dragging Megumi and Itadori out of the front seats. You give the three of them a smile, your blood burning, as they drive away. 

He sends you a gift the next day. A donation of classroom supplies you had been egregiously emailing all the parents about and a handwritten note. 

the start of a cliche <3 - satoru 

You try to wipe the smile off your face. The fluttering in your chest. The presence of him in your dreams and in your mind at all times. 

Suddenly, you’re seventeen again and you remember the biggest woes of your teenage life. 

The ups and downs of having a crush on someone. 

--

You clench the bowl of pudding in your hands as you ring the doorbell, which sprouts a large amount of commotion and noise behind the door. You give your hair one last pat down, after fretting over it for six hours in the mirror, as the door swings open. 

You’re met with Satoru Gojo and a pink apron hanging around his neck. 

“Nice outfit, Gojo. Can I try it on sometime?” 

“I’ll take it off and give you a show right now, sweetheart.” 

You feel your cheeks blazing as he drags you in, his warm hands taking the bowl from yours. You can hear thumping upstairs, which you’re sure is Megumi, Itadori, and Kugisaki making a mess of Gojo’s apartment. 

You follow him to the kitchen, taking a quick moment to totally check him out, before you make it to his mess of a birthday cake.

“There’s no way you’re going to actually give them that, are you?” 

“What’s wrong with it? It’s homemade. It has that Satoru charm.” 

“More like a stinky charm. What is that smell?” 

“The dishes. I need to do them because they’re kind of sticking to the pans. From this downright radioactive cake I just made.” 

You shoo him away, taking on the duty of properly making something out of the ruins of the "cake" Satoru had spread on his counter. From your vantage point, he has his back turned to you, which gives you full permission to ogle him once again. 

You realize that this is creepy. That no part of this is romantic and that he only invited you to Itadori’s little birthday party because you’re one of five people he actually knows in this city. But god is your heart beaming at the fact that the two of you are like this, together and alone. 

You’re mixing the frosting, a perfect light pink to match Itadori’s hair, and all you can think about is how good Satoru looks in a kitchen. In that run down t-shirt and sweatpants. Being all domestic. 

The way his arms look when he’s washing the dishes, how he looks when he puts things back into the fridge - his arm flexed against the handle. How reaching for the top cupboards makes the end of his shirt lift a little and you can see that muscled skin on his back. 

“I’m sure that the frosting is mixed by now. You’ve been going really hard at it.” 

You feel your face burn as you fill the piping bag, entirely embarrassed that he caught you staring. He makes his way over as you fill up the bags, the two of you frosting the entire sides of the cake together. At the end, you and Satoru take turns frosting the letters - the happy birthday in Satoru’s messy block printing and the itadori in your swirly cursive. 

He gives you a smile and it makes your heart all lopsided as he walks away. He goes toward the stairs, gesturing for all three of them to come down. 

You hear three pounding footsteps and then are bombarded with all three of them hugging you, pleasantly surprised at your arrival. 

“Are you here for my birthday?” 

“I sure am, birthday boy. I even brought you a gift, Itadori.” you respond, pinching his little cheek. 

He leans into your touch, giving you a hard hug before he lets go to run towards the kitchen. Gojo’s too busy strapping little birthday hats onto Nobara and Megumi's head as the two of you walk in, Satoru you a gleaming smile as he carries the last two hats over to you. 

“Purple or blue? Your pick, milady.” 

You point at the blue party hat which Gojo smiles at, before he lifts his hands to your face and secures the hat around your head. Some part of your hair gets tangled with the string, which Gojo fixes with the swiftness of his hands, immediately securing your hair back behind your ear. 

You could die happy then and there. 

He gives you a smile before turning back to Itadori - tickling him and screaming singing happy birthday into his ears, making the kid laugh so hard he’s crying out of his eyes. 

And you hate Satoru for inviting you. Surely he must know that something like this would only make you like him more. 

--

You turn your neck, just at the slightest angle, to get sight of him in your periphery. Keeping an eye on him is the only way to keep him at arm's length. And you’ve successfully avoided him three times now. 

More dressed down than the past few times you’ve seen him, Satoru is wearing a run down t-shirt and five inch inseam shorts - and he’s very excitedly chatting up Utahime and Nanami. You may be seeing things, but you swear he inches closer every time you move, the majority of his frame always turned to whichever direction you're standing in. 

Shoko starts poking your cheek aggressively to catch your attention, her face a few feet away from yours. 

“You know if you look from the side, it’s still considered staring.” she says. 

“Shut up. You’re acting like you weren’t staring either, Shoko.” 

“Staring at who?” 

You turn around to find the person attached to the voice and immediately walk away. Of course it was fucking Gojo. 

Even the sound of his voice is enough to make your heart race, like you're a six year old girl meeting your crush on the swings. You immediately race to Shoko’s bedroom, for a few seconds to calm yourself down. Sober up before you say something embarrassing again. 

When you make it to her room, you haphazardly shut the door behind you and fall face first into Shoko’s bed. You can still smell the laundry on her sheets, perfectly starched and fitted to perfection. You yank your phone out from your back pocket, quickly sliding through emails and making mental notes for your to-do list tomorrow to distract yourself. 

You hear the door open and close behind you, the tiny lock clicking against the frame. You turn around to find Satoru standing before you, his hands crossed against his chest. 

“Why do you hate me?” 

You frown, taken aback by his question. 

“What?” 

“Why do you hate me, Y/N? I’ve made every effort to be your friend, to be your anything and you keep ignoring me.” 

“When the hell did I ignore you?” 

“I’ve been trying to talk to you all night. Every time I walk up to a group you’re standing in, you walk away.” 

“That’s not intentional, I-” 

“I sent you everything on your wishlist for your classroom. For your students, because you wanted it really badly.” 

“And I appreciate that, I really do and-” 

“You didn’t even stop by to thank me. I’ve been picking up Megumi everyday waiting for you to come out.” 

“Thank you. Really, it’s made such a big difference and I’ve-” 

“Why don't you want to be friends with me?” 

You can feel the anger, the tension, the goddamn jumbled mess of feelings this idiot makes you feel bubbling out of your mouth as you start screaming at him, at the goddamn idiocy falling out of his mouth right now. 

“That's just the fucking problem. I don't want to be friends with you because I want to be more. You should take it as a compliment that I went out of my way to talk to everyone here but you. That I like you so much that I can’t stand to even be near you without telling you.” 

You can see the shock spread across his face as you keep rambling, the words stringing out of your mouth. 

“I don’t not talk to you on purpose. But every time I look at you, I can’t say anything to your face. You-you’re just-” 

“Just what?” 

“You make me so happy it’s ridiculous. You could smile at me and I’d be on the floor, giggling in my bed like I’m a twelve year old. You’re- your banter leaves me blushing, your smile makes my heart beat so fast, and you make me so happy that it makes me sad I can’t have you. I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you for the literal second time now so can I please just leave before you humiliate me some more?"  

You can feel your chest heaving, a very wide eyed Gojo staring back at you with a smile on his face. You make your move to run past him, to literally avoid this guy for the rest of your life, but he grabs onto your wrist, pulling you back so you’re leaning into his chest. 

"Leave me alone. I'll probably just go die alone at home with my cats now."

“It's my turn to talk now.” he says, his voice low.

“What?” 

“It's my turn to talk. You’ve gotten to ramble about how you feel twice and you have yet to let me do it even once.” he deadpans, cupping your face in the side of his hand. 

You nod, your cheek searing from his warm hand on your skin. 

“You think I’m gorgeous. But I think you’re irresistible.” 

“Huh?” 

“You. are. irresistible. Every time I see you, every time I even hear about you, it makes my heart bloom in my chest. Remember that smiley face you put in the email about Megumi’s grades? I literally had to bite down on my hand to avoid fucking screaming about the entire thing. That one time you smiled at me from across the hall when I went to pick Tsumiki up from her class? I was on the fucking floor.” 

He brings his other hand up, securing it around your neck to angle your face up. His eyes are burning with something you can’t place and it’s making your stomach swarm with an array of butterflies. 

“And the first night I met you. Your little grumpy face with your hands curled around two bottles of beer. Giggling with Shoko and Nanami, laughing so hard you were crying. You are so, so goddamn cute, so fucking beautiful that I just had to walk over. To have your eyes looking in mine, even if it was just once.” 

He leans down, pressing his lips against yours, as you nearly melt into his arms, losing the agency you had over your footing. He must sense it because he immediately brings his hands down, lifting you up from your waist so you’re even closer to his mouth, his lips deepening the kiss. He breaks apart, whispering against your mouth.

“I’d like to meet your cats.” 

“What cats?” 

“You literally just said you were going to do die at home alone with your cats."

"Oh. Right. I live alone, that was kind of just an expression."

"S'okay. You've always had a flair for the dramatics."

--

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

taglist: @porridgesblog  @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @luna0713hunter @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @squirrelspoetry

[conniebunny]

An Angel's Kiss pt.4

A/N: okay imma immediately say: I‘ll continue the timeline as it is rn and work my way up (mainly bc i live in germany and we only got 23 parts and the 24th part is coming out in idk how many months I am dying from spoilers 😭😭😭) also like idek why I am writing Nikolai to be a total asshole he‘s my fave character but at the same time I just….. is it wrong to want tobe mistreated by a white haired man who definetly does not have all his cups in the cupboard (someone help It‘s 3am and that cupboard cup thingy is a german thing that we germans say instead of having some loose screws I am so fucked out) 

TW: mention of near death experiences, blood, wounds, dirty talk, Nikolai is still just….. *sighs dramatically*, needles, slapping, for once (NAME) is being the weird one

What you did not expect this lovely morning as you woke up was….. Nikolai. In your bed….. well okay you sorta did expect it since he does not know personal space with you but the unexpecting part was that he was covered in blood, you were covered in blood and your sheets were covered in blood. You checked to see if that bastard actually dared to die in your arms but luckily he didn‘t.

While you coulhave done the world a favor and left him to die your dumbass‘ first thought was to drag him into the kitchen and pour cold water over him to wake him up and then get out the medkit. After all Fyodor‘s surgery book did help you sew some of the wounds shut. Well that was while Nikolai was still half asleep half dead but now he was neither half asleep nor half dead so he was just groaning like the fucking masochist he is.

And sitting there trying to treat someones wounds while they keep on saying:

“that‘s it darling….. just like that…. Fuck that burned….bet you like me like this don‘t ya, baby~ whimpering just for you~ ngh~“

Was not at all a pleasant way to pass your time so after the first 15 minutes you‘d had enough

“Can you stopdirty talking me while I treat you fucking wounds???“

„But baby, my pretty darling, don‘t you looooovvveeee meeee~“

….

when Sigma came in because he heard a scream….

…..

…he just immediately walked out again at the sight of you stabbing nikolai‘s main blood vain in the upper arm. Sadly he survived....

About 10pm you wanted to go to bed. A good plan indeed as Fyodor was finally out the house just as sigma and fukuchi so it was just you and Nikolai. Nikolai had gotten a set of rules from the others. Much against his will as they "chained him even more than he already was" and "he'll never be free" but at some point agreeing when fyodor told him he'll lock him up in an actual bird cage if he doesn't collaborate.

So you finally got your sleep. 4 lovely hours until you shrieked up from a nightmare. To terrified to go back to sleep in your own bed you took a light and walke dover to Nikolai's room. To your surprise he was already asleep wich you found weird as you didn't think he'd sleep before 3am but who cares anyway. You were gonna wake him up and make him help you somehow. I mean yeah he may not seem the smartest but he actually can have some brain. 

So here you were. Sitting on Nikolai's bed. Trying to get the snoring bastard to wake up as he kept on sleeping. You got tired again so in the end you decide ife he can you andomly cuddle up to you so can you.

...

You don't know when you woke up but Nikolai was in a shock state. Looking at you with eyes wide open and an awkard grin. His arms tightly around your waist. Seeing this terrifying sight infront of you your flight or fight instict kicked in and you slapped him.

"OW WHAT THE FUCK (NAME)"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING STARING AT ME LIKE THAT"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED"

"I COULDN'T SLEEP IN MINE I HAD A NIGHTMARE"

"SO YOU DECIDED TO GET IN MY BED WITHOUT WAKING ME, CUDDLE UP TO ME AND SLAP ME AS SOON AS YOU WAKE UP"

"I TRIED WAKING YOU UP BUT YOU SNORING BASTARD DIDN'T WAKE UP"

Then silence made it's way through the room until Nikolai speaks

"let's get mclfurries"

"For once youhad a good idea"

A/N: idk wtf happened at the end i'm honest. It's 3am again I can't sleep HELP THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS FOR 3 MONTHS OR SO

[what-immortal-hand-or-eye]

TRIGUN STAMPEDE FINALE SPOILERS

KNIVES SAYING THIS!!!! OH A GLIMPSE OF SWEETIE KNIVES!!!!! MY BABY BOY MY ANGEL MY [TWO BIRDS REGINA SPEKTOR.MP3]

oh the gothic horror of it all. like the (barely even an) implication that he's using vash to impregnate the plants. i'm gonna hurl (complimentary). the total disregard for the bodily autonomy of any of the other Plants, Vash included.

MERYL FUCKING STRYFE

@madnessmadness GET DODGEBALLED IDIOT (for context, everyone go read Becoming Eden [It's Me Im Trees] on AO3 right the fuck now)

I don't have anything to add, these shots are fucking gorgeous (plus some body horror with knives's weird wing and his NUTCASE DIMPLE)

MY LOUDEST LONGEST YEAH BOI EVER HE'S BACK I LOVE YOU SPIKEY

real mashwood hours lets fucking goooooooooooo

(HT by Tsuneo Imahori bass boosted) I do love how uncoordinated he is. He's still not used to moving like this or using his Plant powers

HE LOOKS SO MUCH OLDER LIKE THIS!!! I don't know how to describe it, but esp in the third pic he really looks like trimax vash. Orange give him his hairgel back NOW

[annahxredaxted]

Funny stuff with the redacted peeps.

Part two

Part three

Ash And angel prank calling:

Ash: a 7 foot bottom?

Angel: who’s topping you? Lady liberty?

*aggressively hangs up*

David: what-

Baabe: -the fuck.

Angel:hey davey…

David sighing: yes ?

Angel: what’s long hard and full of seamen?

David: 😳ANGEL THAT IS HIGLY INAPPROPRIATE-

Angel: -A SUBMARINE!!

Milo: why are you smiling?

Sweetheart: what? I can’t just be happy?

Baabe: christen tripped and fell in the parking lot.

Lasko: what’s a thot?

Freelancer: a thoughtful person.

*at the dinner table*

Lasko: hey huxley could you pass the salt?

*passes salt*

Lasko: thanks hux your such a thot!

Damian: *spits out water*

Lovely: crushes are the worst!

Vincent: yeah, whenever I’m with mine I always act stupid.

Lovely: you always act stupid. lol

Vincent: yeah don’t think into that to deeply.

*On a job*

David: what do you think tank will do for a distraction?

Ash: probably throw a rock like I do..

*building explodes and several car alarms go off*

David: or they’ll do that..

Baabe: what’s a mix of sad and mad?

Sweetheart: disgruntled, miserable, frustrated.

Angel: smad.

Honey: isn’t it weird that we pay to see other people?

Ollie: plan tickets?

Baby: concert tickets?

Guy: prostitution?

Honey, scared: ..uh.. glasses.

Cop: your getting a ticket for driving a motorcycle with 3 people.

Tank: ok- WAIT 3?!

Baabe and angel: OH SHIT SWEETHEART FELL OFF.

Tank pointing: can I sit there?

Sam: that’s my lap?

Tank: doesn’t answer my question.

Angel: The squads reaction to being told ‘I love you!’

Milo: oh hewl no

Asher: THANKS FAM!

Sweetheart: sounds fake but okay. *shrug*

Baabe: wut 0//-//0

David: can I get refund?

Baabe: in your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Sweetheart, turning to angel: how tall are you?

Lasko, motioning to a Halloween display: all these goast and I still can’t find a boo.

Gavin: people always asking me if I’m a daytime person or nighttime person.

Gavin: LIKE BUDDY IM BARELY EVEN A PERSON.

Angel:.. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [im sorry]

David: what’s that?

Angel: remorse code.

David: I’m even angrier now.

Aaron going over smartass resume: okay so it says here your creative.

Smartass: yes .

Aaron: May I ask what you create?

Smartass: problems.

Geordi: that’s one of my biggest fears, waking up as a donut.

Cutie: would you eat yourself?

Geordi: wouldn’t even question it.

Sam watching the news like the old geezer he is: someone tried to fight a squid today?!

Darlin walking in covered in ink: well maybe the squid was being a dick.

Damian: can you be serious for 5 minutes?

Gavin: my record is 4 but I think I can do it.

Tank: hey could I get some dating advice?

Milo: just cos I’m with sweetheart doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Sam: tell me bout the birds and the bees.

Darlin: their disappearing at an alarming rate..

Ash: truth or dare

Sam: dare..?

Ash: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.

Sam: hey Alexis?

Alexis blushing: yeah?

Sam: could you move I’m tryna get to darlin.

Ash: I was arrested for being to cool

Sweetheart, being all professional: charges were dropped due to lack of supporting evidence.

David: if we don’t go to sleep now we’ll hate ourselves in the morning.

Tank: I already hate myself plenty dipshit.

David: we’ll be talking about this in the morning. Bed. Now.

Tank: we’lol be addressing eachother with code names, I’ll be eagle 1

Tank: Quinn is ‘been there done that’

Tank: Sam is ‘currently doing that’

Tank: ash ‘it happened once in a dream’

Tank: milo is ‘if I had to choose a guy’

Tank: and David is eagle 2

David: oh thank god.

Saten: hello there I have come to take you to the depths of he-

Freelancer: oh my god how tall are you?

Saten: uh. 6’6, 6’11 with horns.. Freelancer twisting hair in finger: Haha with horns. Your so funny

Angel: I’m not that clumsy.

David: lie of the decade.

Milo: I’m not that short.

David: lie of the century

Tank: I’m not attracted to Sam

David: lie of the universe.

Milo: what is life

Sweetheart: milo~

Milo:’aww I’m your life that’s so swe-

Sweetheart: because life is short.

Baabe: be the bigger person

Sweetheart: I am 5’1 and bitter, you be the bigger person.

Guy after the aquarium, disappointed:

Honey: what did you think a tiger shark was guy?

[palmtreepalmtree]

Alright charmers, farmers, and idiots. It's a brisk 60 degrees in Los Angeles so don't forget your booties, because it's coooooooold out there. And I'm back with another edition of...

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

This week's feature was by request of @anasandorpygoscelis. I think. I mean, I'm pretty sure there was a post somewhere. Anyhow, on this marvelous Monday, we're doing...

The Noel Diary. This is a movie starring Justin Hartley (This is Us) and Barrett Doss (Grey's Anatomy) and it's directed by Charles Shyer who is best known for writing and directing some rom-com classics from the late 80s and early 90s like Baby Boom and Father of the Bride.

The film is based on a book by Richard Paul Evans who apparently has a whole series of "Noel" books, so he's really the smartest person involved in this whole production because my bet is this dude is CASHING in on the whole Christmas concept (to the extent that any writer anywhere can cash in on anything, but you know what I mean).

THE PLOT

Alright, so this movie is about a best-selling novelist, Jacob Turner, who returns to his childhood home to handle the affairs of his recently deceased estranged mother when he meets Rachel, who has come to his mom's house in search of her birth mother. ...don't worry, it's revealed early on that her mom was the nanny, so there's no weird Folger's bro/sis thing happening here. But that's the plot.

Anyhow, my favorite part of this fucking movie was how the filmmaker actually used visual storytelling to communicate characters. Like for once we actually get some thoughtful set design - as in woooooooow this is actually trying to show me something other than generic-American-handsome man!

But like, siiiiiiiiiiiigh, nice effort, but did you have to make this dude out like some sort of Esquire magazine wet dream? As the camera pans-and-fades around his Moody Bachelors Anonymous pad, it lingers just long enough to let your eye catch a few key things: books by Bob Dylan and David Sedaris, a bulletin board with handwritten notes and black-and-white travel photos (the Eiffel tower obvs), multiple antique typewriters (an Underwood), an Edgar Allen Poe funko, a record player, and a stack of LPs with the only record showing being Nina Simone. Like... daaaaaaamn. This is the guy I wanted to date when I was twenty and was still trying to be a writer.

And of course his house is this beautifully furnished mid-century, eames-chair-sporting, ready for its Vogue walk-through drool-property. Can I just stop at this point in the movie? Job done. You've sold me. He's hot, rich, and lives in a gorgeous house with real actual art and a cute dog (that's just big enough to not be a small dog but not so big it's cliche). Like... FUCK. OH and then he tunes an actual transistor radio to... you guessed it... the local jazz station. Dating this guy is like dating an OC moodboard on tumblr.com.

This whole scene is only bested by the next set-decorating moment where he returns to his childhood bedroom: Drugstore Cowboy poster (unframed), basketball and football trophy (both???), Larry Bird signed jersey (framed), French New Wave poster (framed????), stack of miscellaneous board games with TRIVIAL PURSUIT GENUS I on top, another antique typewriter, bedside reading featuring On the Road by Jack Kerouac and A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway (like, of course), and another bulletin board with various concert ticket stubs.

Fuck, I need a cigarette.

Honestly, that's it, that's all I want to talk about. An hour and 40 minute movie and I'm done with it 12 minutes in. He's THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD. This dude is too perfect. No amount of trauma makes this guy suddenly undateable. He's an unbelievable character not because we didn't get enough detail, but because the detail is just too perfect. Jesus, he's walking out of a Restoration Hardware catalogue dragging a brass telescope behind him and asking if you want to look at the stars (I do).

Anyhow, here's the thing about this movie - it's actually pretty well done, but FUCK it's really fucking sad. Unlike most Christmas movies that look like they spent too much time at fucking Hobby Lobby, this movie sort of side-swipes Christmas. Like all this shit is happening, and oh yeah, it's Christmas time. This is good because it avoids the cliches, but it's bad because ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHRISTMAS MOVIE!?!? WHERE IS SANTA!? You can't have an entire Christmas romance movie and the only comic relief is on the dog. That's too much pressure for a pup!

Anyhow, one of my common gripes about these movies is that by the end of the movie you want to think the couple belongs together. The way this movie tries to sell you on it is essentially two key details: Rachel (the love interest) has a tattoo of Billie Holliday on the inside of her forearm and once Jacob starts playing a jazz classic on the piano (OH YEAH HE PLAYS PIANO TOO) and Rachel immediately starts singing, beautifully, along. Seeeeeeeee? They're fucking perfect for each other.

Rachel is also an interesting character in a too-perfect sort of way (she's a language major who speaks fluent Italian on screen HOTTTTTTTT!). It's still a moodboard it's just got black and white photos of Italy on it instead of France. I bet her childhood bedroom has a framed poster that says ITALIAN NEW WAVE. Annnnnyhow... are they perfect for each other?

Nah, they're still not. This entire movie is a lot of sorting through some fucked up childhood trauma and I think that would bond most people. But do they belong together? Naaaaaaah.

Rachel shows some insane amount of patience for the men in her life in this movie and I don't really want to get into the plot too deeply (even though it's a little fucked) cause it's too fucking sad. Jacob apparently suddenly decides he no longer wants to be a permanent bachelor and he's all in for Rachel and we don't know really why. But like... sure, I GUESS.

If your jam is sad Christmas vibes, then this is the movie for you. These two live sadly ever after.

Last note: Bonnie Bedelia is in this movie and she is as radiant as ever.

Where is her movie? Bonnie Bedelia is the nosy neighbor artist next door and I have never felt so in need of a bi rom-com starring her. LET'S GO, NETFLIX. FUCK THIS SAD SHIT. GIVE ME HOT BONNIE.

Alright, that's all I got.

[gwagwagwagoogoo]

Stop okay now I need to know both Asa’s and Denji’s warrior names. I think Denji would be a regular warrior who has seen too much shit, moves to another clan, and is begrudgingly handed Nayuta as an apprentice. And Asa’s that one cat in the background who just fucking hates him.

WRONG. This is my warrior cat au take a fuckingn seat

Devils are spawned from the dark forest and then get reincarnated into actuality or possess people basically

Denji was a kittypet who was mistreated by his two legs and everyone around him there is a reason why he related to Firestar and it’s because he wants freedom in his choices like how Firestar decided to join TC, him being a kittypet is important bc then he lacks agency. He is a PET

Pochita is dark forest concept reincarnated so he’s just fucking weird

I think he got ganged up by a bunch of rogues in the forest and nearly died but pochita sorta ‘possessed him’ and their shit became one so he Uber killed him and that’s when Makima jumped in Deputy of. Idk. Chainsaw clan.

Makima’s warrior cat name is Spiralskies, she’s deputy of Chainsawclan but also one one of those reincarnated dark forrest shits called. You guess it. A DEVIL

So Denji’s taken in as Aki’s (Sleetrain) apprentice along side with Powerpaw! And his name becomes. Idk. Sparkpaw? Sharppaw? Whatever.

Everyone else’s names too

Angel devil is Angelicpaws

Kobeni is Teetertail

Violence devil is Razorslash

Himeno is Blackclaw or Blackeye

Beam is Rivercrunch

Kishibe is Greystorm

Reze is Boomingviolets (everyone mishears her and thinks it’s Bloomingviolet )

Meowy is Power’s pet bird btw. Still named Meowy.

Yosheida - Seaswarm or Octopusclutch

Yuko - Softfur-> Softjustice

(If I forgot any characters just comment underneath and I’ll shit smth out of my ass)

A lot of the devils they face are often rogues or from different enemy clans and are either hellish concepts or take the form of cats

ANYWAYS AFTERALL WHAT HAPPENS IN PART 1, PART 2 STARTS

Its in a different clan we call it. Schoolclan. For now. After Makimastar became leader Denji killed her, got his warrior name for his efforts and transferred to schoolclan but before he goes he is given Nayutakit. Uh. Fucking. Shit. Shit. Shit. She’s…. Her name is Dark-kit. Right.

Edit: forgot to mention Makima star’s goal was to kill Starclan and consume total control over every clan and use Denji to get to that bc Pochita.

He is given her and flees to the new clan. With his new name Spark. Spark something I don’t know his suffix

And that’s where part 2’s main character…. SOGGYFUR THATS RIGHT SOGGYFUR MAKES A RETURN BABY. I also think something with Crow would fit Asa like Crowfur or something basic but I also think people would call her Soggyfur so it’s interchangeable. She is an unotable warrior who was orphaned in her apprentice hood and was recently made a warrior. She hates her clan. And she is just some rando warrior who hates denji too but that’s later on

What happened was that due to one of her clanmates trying to enlist the help of a devil, she is killed. But NOT SIKE. THE WAR DEVIL POSSESSED HER and they merge kinda, whatever, and then WARTIME (Yoru the war devil) kills Asa’s former mentor and AAIIEEEEE GETS STRONG AIEEEE

Anyways Wartime functions like an annoying spirit, and since it’s a FUCKING WARRIOR CATS AU war is huge hit with these clans and Asa’s like…. Bro are you kidding me.

And that’s the au so far. I will design ALL of thejr warrior cat designs just you wait and they WILL have hair

I can’t believe I talk abt csm on here and still end up talking about warrior cats tis the illusion of change

[petersthree]

Decided to do a reading roundup, inspired by @batmanisagatewaydrug​ ‘s own one here! Posted uhhhh like two and a half weeks after January but hey, it’s my blog and my roundup. 

January Stats  Books Read: 30-31, depending on how I rank one book Average Rating: 3.49 Top Genre: Mystery  My storygraph if you wanna follow me and see my reviews (though I’ll link them for each book in the ratings) :) 

This month I read a ton of books but none of them really hit for me - not to say these books were bad (well. Some were LMAO), just probably not the proper time for me to read them lmao. All the books will be listed under the cut (some with comments) but here were the ones that really stood out! 

Standouts: 

As Good as Dead by Holly Jackson: 4.75/5 This was the end of the Good Girl’s Guide to Murder trilogy and GOD what a great series! I’m not going to sit here and pretend this is high art but there’s this special something in this series that makes me love it SO much. Is it Ravi Singh? It might be Ravi Singh. It’s probably Ravi Singh. 

The Wonder State by Sara Flannery Murphy: 4.5/5 I don’t wanna spoil this one because it’s an ARC but I was so pleasantly surrpised by this book. I just think it fucks.

The First to Die at the End by Adam Silvera: 4.5/5 The first book made me sob like a baby and this one did make me cry I admit it. :’) While the first book is probably always going to have the biggest place in my heart, this was a fantastic read, and I LOVE that he went back to show us the very first Death Day and how it impacted the first person who was ever called for it. I definitely have more questions on the actual process so if he wants to pull back even further to the creation of the concept I’d gladly take it lmaooo

The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams: 4/5 So this is why I’m at 30-31 books - I read The Ultimate Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that has all five books in the same book; since I finished the first book in January I’ll go add it here and it was just *chef’s kiss*. Zany, funny, I finally get that damn “the answer to life is 42″ joke. For some reason I’d die for Arthur Dent. Etcetera. 

All Other Books: 

Non-Fiction:  I didn’t have a number scale for two of them; I felt a little bit weird rating both of them, so I’ve just linked my reviews instead!

The Rose That Grew From Concrete by Tupac Shakur: Review

Spare by Prince Harry: 3.25/5 Sometimes he has points but good lord the privilege was ;aklfj;lafka;;flakj bro can we stop defending the monarchy lol

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou: 4/5 I don’t know why but I thouhgt these were fiction until I actually went to go check out the book lmaoo

Naturally Tan by Tan France: 3.75/5

If You Tell: a True Story of Murder, Family, Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen: Review

Fiction: 

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett: 3.25/5 I know, I know, I’m sorry. Just wasn’t really for me. 

This Spell Can’t Last by Isabel Sterling: 3/5 It’s a short prequel book for a series I really had fun with called These Witches Won’t Burn! The prequel was fine. I wouldn’t suggest you pick it up without knowing the series but yeah

The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley: 3/5 I’m kinda surprised I rated it that high in hindsight lmao

Gaslight by J.E. Rowney: 2.5/5

Paper Planes by Jennie Wood with Dozerdraws: 2.75/5 (the art was lovely though)

The Aosawa Murders by Riku Onda with Alison Watts (translator): 3.6-3.75/5

Burn the Negative by Josh Winning: 3.5/5

I Was Born for This by Alice Oseman: 3/5 (again, sorry lmao)

Not By Blood by Chris Narozny: 3/5 

Miss Muriel and Other Stories by Ann Petry: 3.5/5 I think I need to stop reading short stories because they’re always at around a 3 and it’s just not always a fair rating. Some stories I absolutely LOVE. Others? Ehhhh not so much. 

Why Are You Like This? by Meg Adams: 4/5 

It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover: 3.75/5 tbh, I think the more I think about the book the lower I’m going to rate it, but for now I’ll keep this original rating

Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion: 3.75/5

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen: 4.75/5 Beautiful art as well <3

The Private Apartments by Idman Nur Omar: 3.5/5

I Know What You Did by Cayce Osborne: 2.75/5

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll: 3.75/5

Trouble in Mudbug by Jana DeLeon: 3/5

The Last Man by Vince Flynn: 2/5

All Your Perfects by Colleen Hoover: 3.5/5 This couple needed hardcore therapy and most importantly a divorce 

The Devil’s Music by Nathan Page: 3.75/5

Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder: 3/5

[showtoonzfan]

A thing I have noticed is that Viv cannot understand how to write likable characters. She makes them the “im14andthisisdeep” characters, such as Blitzo, Stolas, and Angel Dust. Viv does not realize how most people whom are terrible, whom use others for their own gaining, whom turn a blind eye towards their own malicious intent, are not made;they are merely born.

Moxxie is expected to forgive Blitzo after everything he has done and to that I say; fuck no.

Viv does not understand that bad people cannot change over the claiming of “i wuv you!!!!” by a shitty bird. Blitzo does NOT need a redemption, he does not need a single thing but punishments for his actions.

The show clearly wants a ”Forgive, never forget” plotline and I will always show disgust for that usage of tone.

Nobody NEEDS to help Blitzo.

They should want to, not be forced.

Moxxie is forced into a room, tied to a chair behind Blitzo as they talk about their deep rooted issues(Moxxie’s is better in my opinion but whatever).

Rather than the two CHOOSING to talk about privacy and boundaries, they are FORCED Into a room with agents and then have to do an entire fight between others.

Why could they not have just..talked thing’s out? If Blitzo is too blinded by hatred and stupidity to realize they should talk, then there is no point in trying to talk with him, merely leave the company. Yet for some reason;Moxxie does not.

The show likes to pretend Moxxie owes anything to Blitzo, as if he NEEDS to help him, but that is disgusting to teach, You do not owe those whom have hurt you assistance. You do not owe them an explanation. If they did not treat you with basic respect earlier, then there is no reason to give them the time of day.

You do not owe your abusers anything.

Exactly, you’re spitting facts. This is why (and I have said this so many times now so forgive me) wish the show was more like Bojack Horseman. The writers of Bojack knew how to write real characters perfectly, characters who were cruel, manipulative, kind, the list goes on and on, characters that FEEL like real people you’ve met. The characters in Helluva don’t feel real at all, they clearly feel like written characters in fictions by the hands of an edgy girl stuck in the early 2000’s. For example, any logical person like Moxxie would have quit his job ages ago due to Blitz’s harassment, yet he doesn’t because of plot—Oh I man he “cares” about his boss. His shitty boss. And that’s the problem. Viv and Brandon don’t SEE Blitz as an manipulative abuser, they see him as an UwU sad sweet boy who loves his employees in his “own weird way”. In my eyes, they’re never going to fully commit to admitting how horrible Blitz is. He’s an awful person, yet they don’t necessarily see that. Even when they DO admit it, they at the same time want to make us feel bad for him, and yes, that’s what Bojack did, but Bojack at least had a proper flow and told you through storytelling that no matter how much you want to feel bad for this guy, he’s STILL a horrible person who’s responsible for all his actions, someone who slipped down the drain and someone you DON’T want to end up like. With Helluva, and yes even a little bit of Hazbin, (meaning Angel) it doesn’t matter if the characters are downright horrible people you wouldn’t want to be around in real life at all, they’re all Viv’s babies and she’ll continue to shower them in a moral light.

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Invidia Arc, part 1

CW: CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF POSSIBLY MURDERING A CHILD.

As they come out of the mists Jonni’s hair Burt’s into fire. She doesn’t see me to notice.

Gorbash: “You know I'm almost less surprised by the surreal nightmare land. I think all this hopping between domains is leaving me jaded.” Jonni shrugs, “eh, all gonna be on fire soon enough.” Gorbash gives a concerned look. "Your hair has gotten a head start on that.” Jonni: “The what now?” Gorbash: “Your. Hair. Is. On. Fire.”

Gorbash: “Eh, things being on fire when you're angry isn't all that weird. It's just usually other people.”

Meats of evil! Meats of evil!

"No! Bad dog! No eating living meat!”

"TIme to bleed, let's see if you like being on the menu!” "I have a recipe.”

"That CAN'T be a good sign.” "Did you check to see if the batteries need recharging?”

"Probably ran out of warranty. Shoddy Hazlin work.”

OOC: Don’t forget Poom, who is here now. OOC2: Suddenly.

“Marsh, gives hugs to the little sausage boy, I gotta check something.”

"Voices thought I could use more varied artillery.”

"Might be a stupid question, but have you always been made of lunch meat?”

“It’s either laugh or cry in these parts. Don’t take it personal. We survive via snark.”

"Don't worry, from here we got it Mayor McMeaty.” “Dude, too soon.”

"It's magic, so it made her magic more magical.”

“Jonni? Can you still reliably light things on fire? If so then that's good enough for now.” The ground is now on fire. “Yes.”

"Uh, not to be rude but can this big guy talk with that mask stapled to his face? That looks painful.”

"I saw a bird. It was pretty. I kicked its ass.”

OOC: Dude's seen shit, man. OOC2: He’s gonna see all new types of shit.

"You are here for the governess position.” Irost clears his throat. "We are. I am Marty Poppins. Practically Snarky in Every Way.”

The devil leads you to the gates, you are lead into the gardens to a giant chess board, with life size pieces. “Kinky.”

GM OOC: You're overthinking this, it’s not a puzzle or trap. OOC: But...it's D&D.

As the party steps onto the board, Marshal only moves in an L-Pattern.

"Okay. Kid mad with power scenario Beta,” "I am NOT murdering a child!” "Scenario Gamma then.”

“Do I need you to make that stop?” “Yes." “Do I need you in one piece to make that stop?”

“So, how open are you to child murder? Personally, I’m [usually against], but I’m open to suggestions.”

"I have seen some of the stuff that kid has done with his powers. I've met Balors with more basic decency.” “That sounds like a kid.”

"Darklord. She'll respawn and learn nothing.” “I’m very creative.”

“Irost, you got magic eyes? My sexy dances arn’t working.”

Nyx: ”Then we need to hurry and get this search started. Let's split up, gang.” Nyarlathotep: "Whelp, they're goners.” Nyx: ”Nyarlathotep, I can always count on you for words of encouragement.”

Irost, Nyx, Marshal, you find the playroom on the ground floor. It is filled with a drawing easel, several boxes of toys, and an Angel chained to the wall next to several implements of torture.

"As the good book says: So much sadness as devils strike, but the truth is buckaroos always win in the end. Love is and always will be real, no devil can stop that. Amen.”

But that giant baby doll is beginning to move towards you. Gorbash: “You sit your giant baby ass down right now! I have an axe and I'm not afraid to use it.” It stops for a moment and just stands there, tilting its head. Gorbash reiterates in a commanding voice. "Sit. Down. Now. Thank you very much.” Baby doll sits down. Gorbash: “That goes for any of the rest of you that are getting the idea to get up.”

“Listen, I am Jonni Humantorch, and this lively flame is Leveshia, 37th Princess of Fuck Mountain. We are the greatest lovers of women in the multiverse.” The maid scoffs, "I am a handmaiden of Lloth herself, you believe yourself a better lover than the Queen of the Demonweb Pits herself?” Jonni: “Yes.”

"Well then we're gonna have a problem.” Jonni: “Can we settle it in a sexy duel?” The maid melts into a huge cyclopean tower of flesh with tentacles. Jonni: “That’s not a no.”

“Hey, no. We treat service industry with respect. We’re killing her cause she turned into a murderous flesh pole and won’t give us the bone board.”

Irost comes charging in, at the sound of violence. "Back up has arriv-- HOLY ONE EYED TENTACLE MONSTERS!” Nyarlathotep: "Yes, we are quite worship-able, aren't we?”

"She must mean the Headmaster and the Basement Boogie.” “They do anything nasty?” "The headmaster might assign really annoying homework over holidays?”

Gorbash: “Let's torch another basement dwelling abomination! We haven't done that since Mordent.”

"Oh, and Phil is the bondage angel in the kids room.”

"No, not a labyrinth. Next thing you know a sexy Goblin king will show up, but look totally human.” "We do not need a sexy Slaadi.”

When you come to the door of the basement, it’s dark, leading to a labyrinth of stone corridors with strange runes scratched on the walls. They are mostly gibberish, written in Slaad. Some nursery rhymes, and a recipe for fudge.

"Darn it, Nyarl, you know only Poom and I can hear that music when you play it.”

"Let's croak a toad!”

"I suspect magnets.”

Poom: "I call 'Not it' on hacking its stomach open.”

OOC: We got an Emperor Joker situation here.

[la-venere]

i dreamt a whole ass movie tonight

[miscellaneous--bones]

just cuz its november doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna Not wear my witch hat, do you know how long it took me to find this fuckin thing?

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Songs Categorised

I didn't include a few but that's covers/demos / sorted by vibe/lyrics / there are other versions of this that could be made

Bad Girl - Lana's bad girl songs that make you feel cool af

Scarface

Summer of Sam

Making Out

Put Your Lips Together

Dum Dum

Kinda Outta Luck

Children of the Bad Revolution

Dangerous Girl

Girl That Got Away

Maha Maha

Hangin' Around

Catch and Release

Queen of the Gas Station

Gramma

Smarty

St Tropez

I Learned How To Make Love

Teen Romance

Prom Song (Gone Wrong)

Paris

Puppy Love

Television Heaven

Love

Back To Tha Basics

Brooklyn Baby

Me and My Boyfriend

Sweet Romance - Somewhat gentle and cute romance songs

Starry Eyed

When I'm With You

JFK

Because of You

Daddy Issues

Tulsa Jesus Freak

Bartender

Groupie Love

Lust For Life

Lucky Ones

American

Joshy and I

Dreamgirl

For K Part 2

You Mister

Coca Cola

How Do You Know Me So Well?

Stoplight Delite

Serious Romance - They have a more serious tone but they're genuinely romantic

Yosemite

Swan Song

Cinnamon Girl

Living Legend

True Love - Deep and romantic

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Young and Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful

Venice Bitch

Love Song

California

Old Money

Off To The Races

Video Games

Never Let Me Go

On Our Way

Heartbreak - Songs for feeling all kinds of sad romantically

Thunder

Hallucinogenics

Fine China

French Restaurant

Hollywood's Dead

Your Band Is All The Rage

Afraid

Some Things Last A Hard Time

Happiness Is A Butterfly

White Mustang

Norman Fucking Rockwell

Terrence Loves You

The Blackest Day

Cruel World

Dark Paradise

Summertime Sadness

Blue Jeans

Pawn Shop Blues

Westbound

Methamphetamines

F You - Aimed for people who kind of suck

Tired of Singing the Blues

Noir

Playground

It's Not You It's Just Me

Damn You

In My Feelings

High By The Beach

Flipside

In The Sun

So Legit

Seduction - Sexual songs generally

Trash Magic

Us Against The World

Marilyn

Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Paradise

Playing Dangerous

Behind Closed Doors

You Can Be The Boss

Party Girl

Pussycat Kittycat

BBM Baby

Big Bad Wolf

Be My Daddy

Ooh Baby

Push Me Down

Delicious

Freak

Salvatore

Daddy's Girl

Burning Desire

Mermaid Motel

Yayo

Disco

Hey You

Body Electric

Kill Kill

Jimmy Gnecco

Wolf T-Shirt

Sad Romance - Kind of toxic romance or the darker side of romance

TV In Black and White

I Talk To Jesus

Colour Blue

Put The Radio On

My Best Days

Resistance

Velvet Crowbar

Breaking Up Slowly

Fuck It I Love You

The Next Best American Record

The Greatest

Cherry

Summer Bummer

Tomorrow Never Came

24

Shades of Cool

Black Beauty

Is This Happiness?

Million Dollar Man Pretty Baby

Drive By

Hey Blue Baby

Greenwich

Hawaiin Tropic

Axl Rose Husband

Butterflies Part 1

Heartshaped Chevrolet

Bellevue

Ben

How To Disappear

Dreamy - Aesthetically pleasing songs sonically, and a lot of Lana's songs are but these stand out the most

Yes To Heaven

Angels Forever Forever Angels

Ave Maria

Wayamaya

Roses Bloom

Honeymoon

Art Deco

Religion

West Coast

Guns and Roses

Bel Air

Cherry Blossom

Dangerous Love - Jealousy and obsession

Your Girl

Is It Wrong?

Jealous Girl

She's Not Me

Serial Killer

Caught You Boy

Roses

Criminal and Gangsta Love - The bad romances

Queen of Disaster

Backfire

Beautiful Player

Crooked Cop

Hundred Dollar Bill

Gangsta Boy

Live or Die

Hit and Run

Ghetto Baby

Every Man Gets His Wish

Live Forever

Bad Boy

Match Made In Heaven

Bops - They're good for bopping

Roll With Me

Motel 6

Florida Kilos

Brite Lites

Diet Mountain Dew

Boom Like That

Starlet - A lot of Lana's songs feature starlets but these are the songs that let her shine as a star

Hollywood Dynamite

Fake Diamond

A Star For Nick

Radio

Strong - Being the stronger one in the relationship

Lift Your Eyes

Serene Queen

Break My Fall

Big Eyes

I Can Fly

Get Free

Mariner's Apartment Complex

Ride

All You Need

Junky Pride

Move

There's Nothing To Be Sorry About

More Mountains

In Wendy

Wild One

Wait

Weird Vibe - They either sound creepy or just have an unsettling feel

Bentley

C U L8r Alligator

Strangelove

You and Me

Let My Hair Down

Get Drunk

Betty Boop Boop

Jump

Raise Me Up (Mississippi South)

Jesus Is My Boyfriend

Hmm - They could go into other categories but they are songs that have darker, disturbing elements

Baby Blue Love

1949

Roller Derby

Heavy Hitter

Boarding School

Ultraviolence

Lolita

Put Me In A Movie

Sad Girl - Songs with a sad vibe

Last Girl on Earth

All Smiles

Wait For Life

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have - But I Have It

13 Beaches

Heroin

Music To Watch Boys To

God Knows I Tried

Pretty When You Cry

Carmen

This Is What Makes Us Girls

Without You

Oh Say Can You See

Born To Die

Valley of the Dolls

Stripper - Pure stripper theme

Go Go Dancer

Dance For Money

Midnite Dancer Girlfriend

Other Woman - Pure other woman theme

Other Woman

True Love On The Side

Sad Girl

Cola

Next To Me

Money/Fame/Materialism - Songs that revolve around those three things

Money Power Glory

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Gods and Monsters

National Anthem

Breaking My Heart

Makes You Think - Deeper songs

Coachella

God Bless America - And All The Beautiful Women In It

When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

Change

Money Hunny

Looking For America

Songs That Sound Like Diary Entries - More personal tracks

I Must Be Stupid For Being So Happy

My Momma

Wild At Heart

Dark But Just A Game

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Blizzard

Elvis

White Dress

Aviation

Run Motorcycle

Out With A Bang

Dance Til We Die

Bad Disease

Fordham Road

I Don't Wanna Go

For You

Try Tonight

You're Gonna Love Me

Outliers - They're more happy

Come When You Call Me

Birds of a Feather

Driving In Cars With Boys

[bakuhoes-dumbass]

OKAY NERDS iM BaCk! Soo if they all escaped like the whole power outage happened and all of that. Y/N got out of the facility before any of them could get to her (IDK HOW MAN BUT YK, Y/N IS A BADDIE SOO) So after like a month passes and Y/N is like jogging or some shit idk but how do you think each one of the guys would capture Y/N?

Oh ho ho, Mochiiii I love this. Aight let's get into it.

These are NOT cannon to the story line.

Warnings: Yandere Headcannons ahead. If you are uncomfortable with these types of things, DO NOT READ. Proceed with caution, as I do not feel bad if you choose to do so while being warned.

MINORS, DNI.

~~~

Tokoyami- He was disappointed when you ran away but he didn't go all crazy. He just accepted that he'd have to find you again and make you see he wasn't as insane as the rest of them. But day after day, it became harder to be without you. His light... The star that lit up his night... He was upset. So so upset. So that one night when he saw you for the first time after a month, he didn't even try to hold Dark Shadow back as it reached for you, pulling you into his darkness for good.

Kirishima- Where are you Where are you Where are you, Where is his Pebble?! Kirishima would be tearing down the facility trying to find you. Finally figuring out you were gone, he would stop at nothing to get you back. What he didn't expect was for it to take a MONTH! So when he saw you jogging one night, his immediate instinct was to run. Run after you as fast as he could til he caught you. He hardened his arms and that's when you knew you never again could escape him.

Hawks- Oh baby bird~ Where did you run off to~ He practically sings as he searches for you. Once he figured out you ran, he wasn't too bothered. He was a mafia leader for fucks sake. As soon as he escaped, he had his people do some digging. Eventually they found your location and he set off. He found you taking a jog one night and without hesitation, he immediately swooped down and grabed you in his arms. Don't struggle, my baby bird. There's no where for you to run anymore.

Tamaki- Oh no. Nononononono. Bunny?! B-Bunny, where did you go?! He immediately had a panic attack when you left. How could you?! The only one who was ever nice to him, accepted him. You were his, he was yours. He had to find- H-he had to f-f-find you! But it took a month. A month without you. If he was insane before, he's a maniac now. So when he finally stumbled upon your jogging figure, it was instinct. It's almost like his body had a mind of it's own. Well... his tentacles, anyway.

Overhaul- Huh. That was weird. His little germ is...gone? Where did you go? You should be on your knees below him. But no, you weren't. It took him a whole month to find you, with the help of his followers. That's when he decided to pay you a little visit, waiting at your house til you came home from your jog. He threatened to kill every person in your neighborhood if you didn't come with him. You agreed with reluctance. And once again, he had you on your knees before him. This time, you weren't going anywhere.

Shoto- Y/N? Where'd you go? Poor boy is so lost. You left? Why? His eye twitches as he searches the facility for you but you were nowhere to be found. Did he do something? Why would you suddenly leave him? Did he scare you? For a month, he couldn't figure out why you left him. It haunted his every move. After he escaped, he walked the streets, nothing on his mind but you. So one night, when you took off for your routine jog, why were your feet suddenly encased in...ice?

Dabi- Oh, mouse wants to play a little game, hm? Well, guess he could be the cat in this game of tag with you. He is amused, to say the least. He enjoys games where he knows how the outcome will be. So the moment he sees you jogging down the street, he knew he won this game. You were shocked, to say the least, when a wall of blue flames block your path. But the shock turned into terror when you felt a hand tightly grip the back of your neck.

Bakugo- Where. THE FUCK. Did you go? He completely rips apart the facility trying to find you. And the moment he realizes he can't, all hell breaks loose. He's probably the reason the entire facility burnt to the ground. His angel, gone. No where to be found. What if something happened to you? What if someone hurt you? He wasn't going to stop til he found you. Well, it came as a shock to him when he found you perfectly healthy a month later, on your nightly jog. Within a split second, you hear explosions going off behind you and before you could react, your body was thrown to the ground, a growling blonde on top of you.

Denki- Sad pup. Very very sad pup. You left him?! Why?! He's such a fun person and would be an amazing boyfriend! He pouts around the facility, sparks crackling around him. Even more pouty when he couldn't find you. But he never gave up. He was finally able to escape and go searching for you. A month later, you think you're safe. So you leave the house to go for a jog. But you barely take 5 steps before a crackle of lightning hits the ground in front of you. Before you can turn around, you feel arms wrap around your middle and a shock runs through your body, before blacking out.

Midoriya- His darling left him and he is so very worried. Very worried. Are you hurt? Were you scared of him? Did...did someone take you for themselves? He investigates every person in the facility but no one had you. Day after day, his mind gets worse. His worries increase. So, about a month later, when he actually finds you outside? He can't help but let out a squeal of glee. He's fast, very very fast. The next thing you know, you're tackled to the ground in a tight embrace. And god... is it TIGHT.

Shinso- Oh, kitten. You made a very. Very. Bad decision. He doesn't know HOW you got away from him in the first place but he WILL bring you back. The longer it takes to find you, the angrier he becomes. After a month of nothing, he was finally, FINALLY able to locate you with his connections. You think you're out for a late night jog? Well, when you hear your friends voice call to you, you didn't expect your mind to be wiped clean. All you can see is him step in front of you with a manic grin. But you can't do anything. No movement, no noise. Nothing except silent tears falling down your cheeks.

~~~

Read the story these headcannons are based off HERE!

~~~

All works are mine (bakuhoes-dumbass), do not copy or repost anywhere.