#my brain tends to take on the thinking that fits whatever im reading or watching

[kalaidosnail]

When they were 8 years old, Jonathan Sims watched one of their bullies die at the hands of the Leitner known as Mr. Spider. They found themselves unable to share their experience with his grandmother, instead delving into whatever books he could find to soothe their mind. This led them down a path which eventually found them with a small notebook in his hands, scribbling down notes as he scrambled through abandoned buildings, poking Artifacts with sticks. After being saved once or twice by a disgruntled Gertrude Robinson, they continued to investigate, becoming a sort of ward of many of the Avatars of London. He observed the process of skin burning on many afternoons spent with Jude Perry, trembling but ultimately standing still, wide eyed, drinking it all in. They learned how to spin a baton and balance on a tightrope while Nikola Orsinov clapped delightedly at his efforts. Annabelle Cain herself helped him find closure and peace after they confided in her what had happened with the Leitner. Many others would ask after his well-being, sending them birthday gifts and dropping by with treats the one time they became sick with the flu. Gertrude, reluctant as she was to let a child be claimed by a Fear, helped him forge a connection to the Eye, and taught them how to hide from James Wright, then from Elias Bouchard. Now, they have found a position as her replacement, the Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. 

   How will they manage to handle their grief for Gertrude, evade Bouchard’s schemes, diffuse political tensions between the Avatars, and wrangle their trio of disconcertingly attractive and devastatingly mischievous assistants? 

Well, for once in his life, he really just doesn’t Know. Should be interesting, at least.

--

In other words, I've decided to do a chatfic. Kinda. Jon knows how to use a phone, that's it that's the premise.

[unitheuniverse]

Hello!♡

I was wondering if I could get a mystic messenger romantic matchup? I haven't seen anywhere that you don't take them in anymore but if that's the case feel free to ignore this♡

Im a 5'6 straight female and have shoulder length ash brown hair and dress mostly in the grunge or punk style(depends mostly where Im going and how much energy I have lol). Personality wise, Im rather social and talkative, striking up a convo with someone and talking about a wide range of topics isnt a problem for me. I tend to be really bold and confrontational when it comes to someone being rude to me or someone I'm close with and am not afraid to be physical is the situation requires it. Most of the time Im pretty nonchalant and prefer to take things with a calm approach. I would say I'm also really good at comforting people, reading their emotions and knowing what to tell them to make them feel better. I have strong morals and will never do something rude, spiteful or revengeful unless its in a very specific and extreme situation simply because I dont see the point in making anyones life harder than it already is most likely.

As for hobbies, I really enjoy reading(mostly classics and manga) and watching shows which mainly consist of sitcoms. I also enjoy taking walks outside or hiking and exploring nature and I always take my dog with me.

I don't really have a type, all of my exes have been vastly different people. The only thing I would have as a requirement is at least some level of emotional maturity and lots of patience.

That's it, have a nice day♡

Yes! My inbox is open. I wish I was able to just tag you but whatever.

With that being said, I match you with…

Hyun “Zen” Ryu

⟡ Emotionally Mature???? In this game???? What’s next, you want me to catch a shooting star for you? /j

⟡ Okay, all jokes aside, I do believe that Zen in many ways actually fits you.

⟡ Zen is probably the most emotionally intelligent and mature out of the cast. Mainly due to the fact he is one of the few characters actually willing to process how he is feeling and what he is feeling. He is aware of his own self esteem, he is aware of the poor treatment his family forced him through, and reacted accordingly.

⟡ Does he have issues with his self esteem and image? Absolutely. However, is he also aware of the issues the rest of the cast has? Yes absolutely.

⟡ He is actively encouraging the rest of the cast to get better, handle their emotions better, and stop side stepping them through their own guilty pleasures.

⟡ So with that said, let’s talk about how he is with you.

⟡ Considering the both of you are super talkative and sociable; I wouldn’t be surprised if the two of you just hit it off. You guys just absolutely fill up the chat with just talking about random stuff. Bouncing from topic to topic almost on a dime. Though, this wouldn’t be Zen without him flirting with you a bit.

⟡ Oh who am I kidding, he flirts with you a lot.

⟡ So you flirt and tease back. Considering the both of you just enjoy each other’s conversations and company. It isn’t really out of the ordinary for the both of you to just bounce off of each other. He often jokes about the height difference between the two of you. Which he won’t let up.

⟡ Then, Zen starts to catch feelings.

⟡ Okay, at first it wasn’t really that noticeable. He keeps the pictures you sent on his phone. I mean, you did have such a beautiful style, with clothes that seem really relaxed and maybe show your tastes.

⟡ He will start reading in his free time, yeah maybe it’s a bit nerdy but if you think it’s good then there has to be something about it that is interesting. Maybe watch a few sitcoms while he isn’t working on his acting career.

⟡ It was the Sitcoms that made him realize he was in love with you. It was like just everything made sense in that moment. You can almost hear it click into his brain as he looks towards the TV. It’s glow softly reflecting on his face, causing a slight tint.

⟡ Zen loved you.

⟡ With this information, he tries to ask you out bluntly. To the point where you think he is jokingly flirting with you, like he always does. It just took you back a bit.

⟡ The relationship you have with Zen is interesting to say the least.

⟡ Of course you had to deal with the fact that Zen is a minor celebrity. So often he’d come home late to just fall into you. His speech slurred a bit from exhaustion.

⟡ Hikes are a must. The three of you, your dog included, often go up hiking trails and long winding roads. Smelling the nature as you can hear the chittering of birds.

⟡ He would often try to get you to wear his clothes, like to put his jacket on or something. Bonus points if it’s like, raining, and Zen tries that cover someone else with your jacket thing, yeah that.

⟡ Pet names. They are a guarantee.

⟡ That teasing doesn’t go away by the way. He’d often take pictures of you and save them on his phone. Even if it’s just something a bit embarrassing.

⟡ Date nights consist of late night sitcoms and cuddling. The both of you on the couch slowly holding each other under the blanket as you can hear the laugh track in the background.

Zen had a hard time of practice today. Especially considering it was for a special musical he was going to be apart of. So you weren’t really surprised when the moment he got home he fell into your arms.

He slowly runs his fingers through your hair. The ash brown turning an almost black from the darkness, with a tiny light from the TV lighting the both of you.

His tired eyes flicker for just a moment as he looks to you.

“I love you.”

His lips slowly interlocking with yours.

8.29.24

[captainaikus]

im so sorry you have to go through that as a writer 😭 i personally find it unfair and stupid?? i feel like things are never completely original and always Inspired off of something one way or another even if it’s unintentionally and small. out of all the fan fictions out there and plots and aus and suddenly when someone picks a popular au and theme it’s copying someone who used the same? i personally never read whatever this is about so maybe im misunderstanding something but fully trust that you make your own work. i really hope you dont listen to any of the hate you get because it’s just not true 😭 youve made other great fics and are a good writer. people need to just chilll, its not the end of the world (swear some might act like it because they have nothing better to do). people want to stick up for a writer they like and so will i but please use your brain sometimes gah damn. theres probably a similar fic out there but with a different anime 😭 copy is such a silly word in the writing field. unless its word for word or the resemblance is actually really noticeable that it’s a replica then yeah sure— but similarities in a popular trope? 💀

Exactly my point! fanfiction is never purely original- its basically things that we experience, fantasize and think about that are strewn together for characters that are/ were never originally ours to begin with (and it makes me think if we can be technically sued for defamy or not- but then again these platforms are famous for it)

To begin with, i write my fics according to the character's personality. After making breaking rules and showing how Sae can be, its only time that i write a bullying fic about it. And its not like this troupe was created yesterday, its been present since fanfiction came. There are so many troupes like fwb, bully x nerd, villain x hero, mafia! au, smau, royalty au, forbidden! love etc. and there are so many fanfics that have been written along these troupes that they tend to coincide or even match - dialogue wise or even plot line. now if i pick up the troupe bully! x nerd! there are so many different routes to it like :

Nerd being the bully's tutor ,Nerd being the bully's lab partner - either for chemistry or biology, Nerd being the bully's childhood friend etc. depends on which one you pick and in this case i decided to go with the second one. Picking up with what anon said abt me taking an ask and outright accusing me of seeing it and using it- since i follow other blogs, if anyone knows me here (and i say this not from a place of arrogance)- i am a very closed off person and literally don't interact with other blogs, neither do i tag them or vice versa nor go into their ask boxes - the last time i dropped in a suggestion for a fic i was planning to write in a fellow fandom writer's box - which was a street racer! fic for one of the characters i wanted to write for (after watching tokyo drift) , it literally turned up the next day in the 'x reader' from a famous author with the excuse of anons asking them for a street racer fic of the same character i wanted to write for. And i felt really bad and hurt cause someone took it with it going over 2k notes in a week when i was just a small time writer - but i didn't say anything neither did i want to jump to conclusions so i shook it off. and even now i see people paraphrasing my work or twisting the plotline so that it looks like the work wasn't originally mine and after talking it through with a friend who pointed it out; erotica and romance are not unique genres and there tends to be an overlap between the two, so i can't call a person out like that. and this is not even literally published work.

Even tumblr has their own writing prompts along with many other blogs that create them for writers to use - would they fight over the same dialogue that fits the plot line that they saw would fit which matches with each other?

And yes, i do create my own works. i'm open to suggestions sure- but i produce my own content. i followed writing prompts for a while but wasn't really interested in and started thinking of my own dialogues along with plots. For eg, i started working on an emperor! sae fic earlier in april this year, but since i wanted to be of a good quality, i went down to the point of studying about imperialism in japan in more detail - but the fic is still a doc and not out yet and i am pretty sure there is someone out there who is working on something similar or maybe the same thing or discussing about it unlike me cause i had one too many ideas taken from my blog - again benefit of doubt cause some minds can think alike.

So when anon decided to come at me, i wasn't happy about it- esp when i have gone through the same thing and when they don't even know me or the kind of person i am nor interact with my posts. and it was only one - i can tell cause the way they were waiting for me to answer their ask. Luckily, Zari stepped in and ended the discourse early cause from my time on tumblr for 4 years i've seen how bad it can get along with how far anons can take it.

And even after Zari and i settled the matter, this anon wouldn't let go of it- coming into my box and pinpointing out even the smallest of the detail despite the writers (who are supposed to write the content) settling the issue. To begin with, they don't even know me and even had the cheek to tell me about my online activities despite not knowing me (that too from behind anonymous); i literally don't owe them or anyone a justification for the content i write or post especially someone who wouldn't even show me who they are. And i totally agree with you. Standing up for a writer you like is good thing, but use some common sense before you decide to accuse someone or think through twice before you write something about someone you don't even know cause it could cause damage to a reputation they have built online - while you are on anonymous. cyberbullying and harassment are real issues and they can hurt people (luckily it didn't get to that point) and why would i even copy an idea? i would literally have more to lose than to gain with backlash; does it really look like i would want to put myself through that? sadly some people lack that sense of logic.

Anyway, this was just a small bump along the route. i'm keeping the fic on the blog cause some people liked it, but i probably won't revisit it- and i'm moving onto writing for more characters based on wips i created a while back but are unfinished. And i'm glad to see you enjoy my works, it means a lot to me when someone drops in messages like these!

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა♡

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Not Bad

Prompts: Hihi, i have a Merlin prompt if you're interested. Merlin thinks he's a bad person bec he was taught that magic is bad, but also Bec of all the stuff he did/does to keep Arthur safe and ig throw in some touch starved!Merlin too for fun. But the knights compliment/hug/etc all the time and Merlin just doesn't understand what he's supposed to do with this, so the solution is to breakdown crying and try to convince the knights he's the bad person he sees himself as and the knights are just like "but you're wrong and he's 25 reasons why you're wrong" Plz, thx, love your writing - anon

im a fuckin sucker for soft knights & arthur w merlin so, if ur still takings reqs, i would love to see when the knights realize merlin still views himself as a "monster" like is hinted in first ep (? i thinkk, im rusty on my merlin trivia)- is it a passing comment he makes and they realize all together? knight cuddle pile? just give the poor boy some love - anon

if you'd want to write it i'd love to see the collective moment that the knights realize that merlin is self-harming in some way (in my brain this is probably in like a denial-of-things type thing that he probably doesn't even see as self-harm bc he's an idiot, could even be something like healing everyone else w magic but refusing to heal himself... idk feel free to do whatever you see fit!). i can only imagine they'd be frustrated with him and themselves but theyre just loving large idiots (': - anon

ahh yes all the prompts

Read on Ao3 Part 2

Warnings: implied/referenced self-harm in the form of intentionally depriving oneself of physical contact because THAT COUNTS

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic I don't care

Word Count: 3462

Arthur is confused, very upset, and nothing is alright anymore, thank you very much.

Because you see, despite the image that he tries to present—emphasis on the word ‘try’, there, according to his knights—he does care an awful lot about his people, especially his one particular person that happens to be able to say an awful lot without saying anything.

Merlin. He’s talking about Merlin, in case you hadn’t noticed.

The problem is that for all the man can ramble on about seemingly anything, at any time, he’s remarkably good at saying absolutely nothing about himself. He claims he’s an open book, but he’s certainly in a language that Arthur doesn’t know how to read.

He does know how to read, just to clarify. That isn’t the issue here.

No, no, the issue is that after months, years, almost a decade of Merlin by his side, watching his back, taking care of him, he’s discovered that there’s a secret that Merlin’s keeping from him. One he never intended to tell Arthur.

And before you panic, no, he’s not talking about Merlin’s magic.

Come on, it’s not like it’s not obvious, the man isn’t exactly good at hiding it. Does he seriously believe Arthur can’t see the tree branches that miraculously pick themselves up and fly at the nearest bandit or the spears that fling themselves at the foe about to behind Gwaine? Or the chores that mysteriously get done too fast for Merlin and far too efficiently? Or the way certain magical ailments seem to vanish mysteriously along with his idiot of a servant only to be greeted with a soft shrug when he pokes?

Merlin’s eyes also turn gold, that’s pretty neat.

So Merlin has magic.

Yes, we know, we had a small tantrum over the fact that he told Lancelot first, but it’s fine. Quite frankly, a lot of things make more sense now.

Except for this. Not this.

Merlin is hiding the secret that he believes he’s a bad person.

Now, Arthur’s not sure if you’ve met Merlin, but the man isn’t exactly the image of the evildoer that springs to mind when someone says ‘bad person.’

The Witch Finder, now there’s a bad person. Storming into Camelot, preying on the fear of the people, bribing and threatening and drugging people, torturing them, and condemning them to death just for the sake of a few coins.

Merlin did storm into Camelot, that is true, but he decided to pick a fight with the crown prince and then save his life. He’s not here for coin—if he were, they wouldn’t have had that small, er, issue about the steward not paying him anything for his work for the past eight years, honestly—and he’s certainly not preying on anyone’s fears. Except perhaps Arthur’s fear of losing his dignity.

The look on his father’s face when Merlin dodged the pillow…

Speaking of his father…there’s another one.

His father did not prey as openly on the people’s fear—or as obviously as Aredian, but prey on them he did. He was a strong king, sometimes too strong. He was a blind king, saw the people as nothing more than subjects, not the living breathing humans they are. He remembers Morgana’s voice, saying that authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from the threat of force.

He always wanted to see Uther’s face when his ward—when his daughter said that to him.

And what he’s done to Morgana…

Arthur grimaces and shakes his head. Perhaps the very truth that he resents the idea of thinking about what Uther did to Morgana, to him…perhaps that is enough.

Those are bad people. At least to Arthur.

Merlin, on the other hand…

Merlin came into Camelot, knowing that if it was discovered that he has magic, he would be burnt at the stake. He came, not with any aspirations of glory, simply because he trusted his mother when she told him to come to Gaius. He came and he was given a job he never asked for, one he had no idea how to do, and stayed.

Merlin learned. Slowly, perhaps, but he learned. Now he has enough knowledge on what a servant should do to break the rules in the most spectacular fashion. Arthur smiles, biting back the chuckle at seeing George dressed up like Merlin and acting perfectly proper and the urge Arthur had to throw him out of the room.

And that’s not even mentioning what he does when he’s not following Arthur around.

Merlin learned. Merlin stayed.

Not just for Gaius, but for Arthur.

Arthur leans onto his desk, staring out into the courtyard where Merlin is tending to the knights’ horses as they mount up for patrol. He watches Leon step a little closer, lowering his head to mutter something to him, watching Gwaine clap Merlin on the shoulder.

Watches Merlin flinch a little too hard.

Watches Leon’s brow furrow and Gwaine take a step back.

This. This is the problem.

Merlin believes he’s a bad person. Which is wrong, but for some reason, he does.

And because Merlin believes he’s a bad person, he believes that anytime one of the knights touches him—or anyone touches him—it will be to hurt him.

How did they come to this conclusion, you may ask?

Arthur bites back a snarl as he turns away from the window.

It had started with the complements.

Gwaine, to no one’s surprise, was quite fond of flirting with anyone and everyone that would let him, Merlin no exception. Talking about Merlin’s looks, his personality, his work ethic, anything, and everything. Merlin would flush, bright red, ears and all, mumbling to himself.

But then Percival had said something and Merlin pushed him away—well, prodded his arm, no one really moves Percival without Percival letting them—and shook his head. Percival had shrugged but the rest of them had noticed the tension in Merlin’s shoulders.

Then Elyan complemented Merlin’s tracking abilities and Merlin hadn’t even acknowledged it, instead insisting that they keep moving before it got too dark to see and they’d be forced to make camp in the woods. They’d agreed, pressing on, but noting the way that Merlin refused to say so much as thank you.

Leon’s perceptiveness should be considered magical. Seriously, Arthur’s not entirely convinced the man can’t see into people’s heads, what with the information he’s able to produce out of nothing more than the twitch of a finger or the slightest huff of breath. But he sees the way Merlin shies away from any display of affection, even as he gently repeats it, watching Merlin turn his back and get back to work.

Arthur never saw what happened with Lancelot. All he knows is that one night, out in the woods, the two of them had gone off to collect firewood and Merlin had been hiding red-rimmed eyes when he returned, a few paces ahead of Lancelot, not ten minutes later. Arthur had glared but the forlorn confusion on Lancelot’s face had given him pause.

Then it was the touching.

One would expect Merlin to be a quite tactile person, and he is. He’s all shoulder nudges and pokes and prods and gentle shoves to get people to move where he wants them to go. And it’s not like the man has much concept of personal space.

No, some of that is not Arthur’s fault, how dare you?

But when someone else tries it, Merlin tenses reflexively, already moving before their hands make contact. He gives everyone he can a wide berth, scuttling around the outside of rooms until one of them breaks and tells him to come here, Merlin, it’s alright, we won’t hurt you. His face never quite believes them.

The strangest thing is how much of it Merlin makes small adjustments for.

He always wears those god-awful tunics, that he won’t let Arthur replace with fabric that doesn’t feel like it’s a burlap sack, with the sleeves pulled all the way down and those kerchiefs tied around his neck. Arthur’s seen his sleeves rolled up before, but only when Merlin’s working and he hasn’t realized Arthur’s there yet. It’s not like Arthur doesn’t know Merlin has forearms, but Merlin will always jump and guiltily roll his sleeves down.

He doesn’t notice why until he accidentally brushes Merlin’s bare skin once and Merlin all but tears away like he’s been burned.

He doesn’t know why.

Merlin has a secret. The secret is that he believes he’s a bad person. That means he can’t accept compliments and he can’t let them touch him.

This is a problem, because Arthur would very much like for Merlin to believe that he isn’t a bad person.

This is also a problem because Arthur has no idea how to do that.

He looks up when there’s a knock on the door.

“Enter.”

“Sire?” Leon steps through. “May we come in?”

Arthur nods, his eyebrows raising as all of his knights spill into the room.

“Shall I assume you’re on the warpath again?”

“Nah,” Gwaine grumbles, throwing himself into a chair, “know this isn’t your fault.”

Leon shakes his head. “It’s Merlin, sire, we’re…concerned.”

Arthur just sighs and tells them what’s been buzzing around his head for the past…however long it’s been. The knights nod.

“He doesn’t like to be touched when he doesn’t expect it,” Lancelot offers, “but when I ask…he doesn’t seem to want to agree either.”

“But he does,” Gwaine argues, “you’ve seen the way he stares at us when we hug each other, he looks like a poor child that’s never had a hug in his life!”

“Which isn’t true.” Elyan folds his arms. “Gwen’s hugged him.”

“We’ve all hugged him.”

“But he still thinks we’re going to hurt him.”

“Well,” Arthur mutters, “we can’t exactly blame him for being paranoid, can we?”

“If you lot are going to talk about me behind my back like it’s a war council, then yeah, I reserve the right to be paranoid.”

“Merlin!”

“Thank god, where’ve you been?”

“I thought we were meeting by the stables.”

“Did you get hurt?”

Merlin raises his hands and takes a step back. “Whoa, can I get through the door first before the interrogation starts?”

“This isn’t an interrogation,” Arthur says, glaring at the knights, “we’re concerned.”

“Uh-huh,” Merlin mutters, weaving through them to the table so he can set down the thing hooked over his arm, “yes, I’m all too familiar with your concern.”

Arthur frowns. “What does that mean?”

Merlin waves a hand. “Oh, just that it’s a prelude to more chores and things to do.”

Is that…true?

“Yes.”

Did he say that out loud?

“Also yes.”

Arthur shakes his head. “Merlin, we’re not coming up with lists and lists for chores for you to do.”

“Really? With how many you all constantly give me, here I finally thought I’d cracked the code as to why.”

Leon steps forward. “We’re not coming up with things to give you, Merlin, nor are we intending to gossip behind your back.”

“So what are you doing?”

“We’re worried,” Lancelot repeats, “about you.”

“Well, I’m right as rain, no need to worry.”

“Lie.”

Merlin’s eyes go wide and he stares at Leon. The knight smiles ruefully and takes another little step forward.

“Lie,” he repeats gently, “you don’t have to lie to us, Merlin.”

Merlin’s mouth thins. “Maybe I don’t want to tell you, then.”

“Why not—“

“No,” Arthur breaks in, causing Merlin to swing his head around again, “no, if Merlin doesn’t want to tell us he doesn’t have to.”

Gwaine looks on the verge of protest, but another look from Lancelot is enough to quell him. He sinks into the chair and tosses an apple to Merlin.

“At least eat something,” he says by way of explanation, “you’ve not eaten anything since lunch.”

Merlin looks very confused—good, now he’s just like the rest of them—but bites into the apple nonetheless. His gaze travels around the room before coming to rest on Leon.

“Why are you all concerned?”

“Because you won’t let us complement you, Merlin,” Leon says softly, “you believe that every time we touch you we intend to hurt you, and you believe that this is deserved because you are a bad person.”

The flabbergasted look on Merlin’s face is almost enough to make Arthur laugh. Almost.

“How…”

“We notice things, Merlin,” Leon says patiently, “we notice you.”

Lancelot snorts. “Good going, mate, you’ll freak him out.”

“Um—there’s nothing worth noticing about me—“

“Not we all know that’s not true,” Gwaine says, and if it had been any other time it would’ve sounded like the next pick-up line at the tavern, “you’re worth noticing, Merlin.”

Merlin’s gaze darts back and forth, finding no disagreement in any faces.

“What—what were you concerned about?”

“Aside from what we just told you?”

“But I don’t—why is that a problem?”

Arthur swallows a curse. “Are you asking why we’re upset that you believe you’re a bad person and you deserve to be treated badly?”

“…yes?”

“Because you’re not a bad person,” Elyan says, “and you don’t deserve to feel like everyone’s about to hurt you.”

Gods, the look of disbelief on Merlin’s face hurts.

“You don’t know that,” he says lowly, setting the apple down, “you don’t know that.”

“Sure we do.” Elyan uncrosses his arms. “We know you, Merlin.”

“I don’t think you do.”

A look passes around the group of knights. Elyan smiles.

“I know that Gwen came home and told me she’d made a friend the first week you arrived in Camelot. I know that you’ve reminded us what family means. I know that you care, Merlin, about your friends, because they’re important to you.”

Merlin blinks in confusion.

“I know you’re a strong man,” Percival says, “and not just because you can lift the packs for the horses without complaining. But you work hard, because you know you can, and so that people don’t have to. You provide what you can because you know what it’s like to have nothing.”

“I—I—“

“I know you’re brave,” Lancelot says softly, standing, “I know you feel the same fear that we all do and you stare it straight in the face.”

He pauses, takes one step closer.

“I know you don’t chase the glory of being brave, but the feeling of being brave and using it.”

“Guys, I—“

“I know what you’ve done.”

Merlin’s face goes pale at Leon’s words.

The knight tilts his head to the side and smiles.

“I’ve been around the longest,” he says in a near whisper, “and I have seen the changes from when you arrived in Camelot until now. I’ve seen the differences, not just in the other men in this room but in Camelot.”

He lays a hand on his chest.

“I know that you’ve made me prouder to serve this kingdom than many others that have tried.”

Poor Merlin is shaking right now, his fingers trembling on the edge of the table. He looks around in confusion, terribly frightened, sending more aches through Arthur’s chest.

“You wouldn’t say that—“ he gasps— “you wouldn’t say that if you knew the truth.”

“And what truth is that?”

“That—that I—“ Merlin’s breaths start to ring in the chamber— “I—I—“

“That you have magic?”

Merlin’s head jerks around to stare at Arthur. Arthur raises his hands and takes a step closer. Merlin flinches.

“It’s alright, Merlin,” Arthur says softly, “I’m not angry. I’m not going to hurt you. You have magic, though, right?”

“Yes—yes, I—but I’ve only ever used it for—for you Arthur, I—“

“Easy,” he soothes, fighting the urge to reach out and pull him close, “I know. It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not,” Merlin all but whimpers, “it’s not okay, it’s bad, it’s bad and I’m bad, I’m bad—“

“You’re not.”

“I am!”

Merlin yanks his arms to his sides, curling them tightly around himself, much to the protest of the knights. His fingers whiten as he clutches the sides of his tunic.

“I’m bad, bad people get hurt, you don’t—you don’t touch bad people.”

“Merlin,” Arthur breaks in softly, “Merlin, sweetheart, I’m going to come over to you.”

He can hear the quickly stifled gasps and Gwaine’s ‘oh shit’ as he inches towards Merlin. The poor man doesn’t move, but the tremors get worse and worse the closer Arthur gets.

“I’m right here,” he murmurs, “I won’t hurt you, sweetheart, do you believe me? That I won’t hurt you?”

“I—I—“

“Because I won’t,” he promises, still fighting the urge to swoop the poor thing into a hug, “I’ll never hurt you, sweetheart.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not bad, Merlin, and you certainly don’t deserve to be hurt.”

“You don’t know that,” comes the strangled whisper, “you don’t know what I’ve done.”

“But I know you, Merlin,” Arthur murmurs, “and that’s enough.”

He can’t stop the concerned noise at Merlin’s huff of disbelief.

“It’s enough, sweetheart, it’s—hey! Easy, easy,” he soothes as Merlin’s knees buckle and he catches him before he can hit the ground, “I’ve got you, shh, shh, you’re alright.”

“Oh,” Lancelot murmurs as Merlin starts to shiver terribly, “oh, Merlin, you’re touch starved.”

“Touch starved?”

“He’s not been touched for a very long time,” Lancelot murmurs, hustling to join them on the floor, scooping Merlin’s legs into his lap, “and so he’s not used to it, but he needs it.”

“We all need touch?”

“Yes, otherwise our bodies get…unhappy.” Lancelot shakes his head. “I’m sure Gaius could explain it more. The short version is humans aren’t built to hold each other at arm’s length.”

Arthur tightens his grip on the lapful of shaking Merlin he has. There’s a cold nose buried in the crook of his neck, arms looping awkwardly around his shoulders. Distantly, he hears the scufflings of the other knights as they move closer.

“We’ve got you, sweetheart,” he fins himself whispering, “we’ve got you, we won’t hurt you, you’re safe, you’re good, we have you, it’s alright, now…”

Poor Merlin is still shuddering terribly.

“Shh, shh, easy, just try and relax, we have you…”

Since when has Merlin been this cold?

“Oh, I’m definitely hugging you every day,” Gwaine mutters, helping to prop Merlin up away from the table.

“Why—“ Merlin swallows— “why are you all so warm?”

“You’re cold,” Arthur says, “we’re helping.”

“I’m—I’m—what is it? Touch—touch—“

“Touch starved,” Lancelot offers gently, “yes, Merlin.”

“You’re helping?”

Gwaine shifts behind him. “We’re helping.”

“You’re not…mad?”

“No, Merlin, we’re not mad.”

“I’m not bad?”

Arthur tightens his grip. “Never, Merlin.”

“You—I can—I can stay?”

“Yes, Merlin,” comes the chorus of knights, “for as long as you like.”

Arthur is still upset, very confused, and more than a little overprotective right now.

But so is Merlin.

And they’re…they’re starting to figure it out.

One thing’s for sure: Arthur’s definitely pulling Merlin into bed to cuddle with him instead of getting up in the morning.

[wisteria-lodge]

exploded bird + lion secondary (badger model)

Good afternoon Wisteria! I was hoping for your input with my sorting. This MAY become a novel, and i apologize ahead of time for that. Hopefully its interesting, if nothing else.

I am having trouble with both my primary and secondary. Ive thought i had it figured out so many times and then i would reanalyze myself and get confused. So i guess ill start with primaries. I can tell you for sure that i am not a snake primary. I just cant love another person quite like that. I grew up in a very snake primary environment and never felt i really fit in. I really appreciate snakes and i understand them, but i dont think i am one. I also very much pride myself on my individuality and dont bond to groups so i believe that may rule out badger. I think ive narrowed it down to exploded bird or really confused lion.

Interesting. So far so good. Let’s hear what you’ve got.

Right now in life, with all the information coming at me, all the data, all of the twists and turns, media bias, conspiracy theories, rabbit holes and objective realities, i cant figure out the truth.

… sounds like an Exploded Bird to me.

I think all theories are worth investigating and rabbit holes are fun. But i hate hypocrisy. And its everywhere.

I mean, everyone hates hypocrisy… but I think Birds find it *unforgivable.*

I cant organize all of this information.

Exploded Bird.

Dude. Whats gonna happen if deep fake becomes the norm?

eh, Photoshop has been the norm for a long time and we do okay. Some fakes have always been better than others, and there have always been fakes.

I feel like the safest thing to do is to fully understand myself. Then i can analyze and understand the world.

I would agree with that.

I would say that hands down i was an exploded bird, but i feel very strongly about things right away. But then i learn about them more and if my feelings were wrong, ok. Whatever.

This is still Bird. It’s not that Birds can’t feel strongly about things right away. They do, they just don’t feel safe TRUSTING those feelings. Instead they do… exactly what you’re describing here. Learn more, and then if it turns out their initial feelings were wrong… that’s fine, actually. The feelings are of secondary importance.

BUT i also WANT black and white. I want right and wrong. Grey, though necessary and true, bugs me.

… there’s a reason why I call young Birds Black-and-White Birds.

Deep down i crave to just understand something as it is. But one persons truth is not anothers. I get that. But it still bothers me in my bones.

That’s a very Bird primary angst. Birds can have this *fantasy* that if only everyone had all the information and thought it though properly, that everyone would come to the same (correct) conclusion. And then have to grapple with the fallout when they realize things don’t work that way. As a Lion… I’ve never had to fight that particular monster.

I can also seem like i make snap decisions based on feelings to others, but i just know what i want. If something sounds good, i want to do it. At that moment. No hesitation… i think im meshing into secondary territory here

I agree. Improvisational secondary, sounds like.

so ill just go with it. So my bedroom walls are lilac purple and my kitchen is BRIGHT yellow, because those colors sounded interesting. At that moment. I tend to jump into a project having no idea what im doing. I just thought it sounded like fun.

Comfortable making decisions on a whim, just jumping in. Very improvisational.

But thats not really a way to problem solve. When i start said project and then run into a problem, usually ill read about it, or ask someone who knows more than me. The “i know a guy” bird kind of applies here. I know how to make connections within my community and i plan for that. I think about who would be useful to know, based on my goals.

You know, this could be Bird. But I’m kind of skewing more Badger because of the emphasis on community and asking for help. And keeping an eye on ‘who is powerful, who is useful to know’ is a pretty common Badger secondary model manifestation.

But i dont think i build tools like a bird. In fact, binge watching videos on how to do something annoys me. Takes all the fun out of it.

I still think you’re an Improvisational secondary - and a Badger secondary model is *more* likely than a Bird secondary model.

I am always honest with people and i like that about me, but its not out of some need to stay true to myself. Its just because i have learned that honesty works the best most of the time.

So not Lion *primary* then. This is all about method. You don’t lie, because you don’t find it to be a very practical problem-solving method. Being very direct does work, so at this point… Lion is more likely than snake.

Now, dont get me wrong, i am an excellent liar. But only if its on the fly.

Hmm. Maybe a Snake who’s in neutral all the time?

This conflicts big time with my primary, however, so i rarely ever do.

Interesting. Lying conflicts with your (hypocrisy hating) Bird primary, so you don’t do it. Instead you are very direct, and that works well for you. You *can* lie (on the fly) but you generally don’t. Neutral Snake? Snake secondary model? Depending on how you define lying, could even be Courtier Badger. (I am ruling out constructed Actor Bird.)

I feel like ive gone all over the place in a highly disorganized way, so i will state that now i am going to give some anecdotal data. One time, as an adult, i was hanging out with a bunch of kids on a hayride. A little boy killed a butterfly. I was outraged. I called him out. I told him that he just took away the only life that creature would ever have and that was cruel.

Very loud Idealist primary.

This somehow turned into a question and answer school session about human biology, mammals and why on earth is water in a cup clear, but when you dive into the ocean, its blue?

Some kind of social secondary… and I know the obvious thing is to say 'trotting out a lot of facts, that’s bird.’ But I’m seeing you defuse a situation by leveraging your immediate community (Q&A session)? Badger.

I like being the person that gets the scary bugs out of the house because i feel brave when i do.

Sounds pretty Lion secondary.

When in an emergency situation i completely disconnect and become a calm, knowledgeable person.

This is actually a pretty common just, human thing. When things get bad enough, your lizard brain takes over, and everything is very calm and dreamlike.

I suddenly magically know what needs to be done and work with my environment.

Improvisational secondary.

Im also very aware of how everyone else is doing in that situation and i have an innate need to make people feel better so im usually the first to lighten the mood. Ill focus on others before myself if im hurt. Im more aware of how they are doing than how i am doing and i will make an effort to help them first.

Ah yes, the 'tend and befriend’ threat response. Very familiar. And yeah, going from this description I’m going to say very social badger.

In video games… skyrim is best here i think. I want to be a sneaky mage thief. But when something attacks me, without thinking i run right up to it and hit it with my fists without armor.

lol lion. (The classic Badger secondary strategy is BUFF ARMOR. I always play tanks.)

But i get really sad if its an animal.Those wolf whimpers get to me every time.

No one likes the wolf whimpers.

Ok. Ok. Ive rambled enough. Thank you for reading! Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Exploded Bird, easy. And probably a Lion secondary with a very social Badger secondary model that’s working well for you.

[grayfilmsandstuff]

May I get a platonic madcom matchup? (Any character is fine). I’m a 5’5 girl with wavy blonde hair, an extrovert, I love reading and playing video games, I tend to rant about whatever my most recent video game obsession is; I like math, programming and engineering. If I had to be in a fight I would probably take a tactical approach and would prefer to keep my distance from fights. I’m fairly squeamish and startled easily. I tend to think logically but also am very emotional. Thanks!

yes sure!! sorry this took a while i just took a break from matchups but im back :}

i match you wiiiiiith...

2BDamned!

- you two met when Deimos returned from a mission with you and you joined the team

- when 2BD talked to you the first time he immediately knew he wanted to be your friend

- he's not the kind to try to make friends because of how he acts but you seemed pretty cool

- he really likes you and thinks you're absolutely amazing but if anyone were to find out it would be the end of him

- whenever you would be playing video games, he would walk in and watch you and he would be amazed by how concentrated you were

- he asked if he could play with you once so you absolutely destroyed him

- "wait- no, hold on, give me a- gIVE ME A CHANCE I CAN'T- it's not DOING ANYTHING- ugh. y/n you are so..."

- "what, i'm better than you?"

- "...shut up"

- he loves listening to you talk about your interests because he can tell how passionate you are and the sound of your voice makes the guy real happy

- you also listen to him whenever he rambles about something and often times he just digs himself into a verbal hole. you find it funny when he does

- he appreciates how smart you are because compared to the other three, you two have the brains of the team

- when the team is out on missions you hang back with 2BD and that's when you get to talk to each other the best. he feels like he doesn't have to hide how he feels about certain things when talking to you and his stern, emotionless barrier falls

- the first time you went to him for something that was bothering you, he was surprised but he didn't mind seeing that side of you

- you gave him a hug and he froze because he has no idea how to react to physical affection at all ever but then he realized he could finally hold you so he did and it was pretty nice

edited: i didn't see that you wanted it platonically so i shifted it around a bit to fit your request better !!

okay hope you liked this!! have a nice day :}

[stinkfacestories]

Bull’s Eye

"Vaaashended.." Iron bull cursed. He and the Inquisitor found themselves at a dead end. The room was filled with large steel trimmed boxes. There was no escape.

"We fight then" The Inquisitor drew his sword.

"Not this one, boss. I'm not one to turn away from a fight but we have no exit. The whole base will flood this room if they catch us." Bull said. He was feeling the wall for hidden doors. Sometimes these bandits were smarter than they looked. He tapped one of the crates. Then another. He found a hollow one. 

"Get in boss, we can hide till midnight then when there all asleep we can escape" Bull lifted the heavy hinged lid.

"You first" you said.

"Nah, if they find us I wanna be between you and the sharp edge of a weapon"

Bull lifted you up and set you in. He crawled in after. It was a tight fit for just a single human, let alone a qunari of bull’s swole size. The hatch was heavy though and when it closed it latched. A few moments of squirming and you were as comfortable as you were going to get.

The crate was well sealed, but not airtight. The body heat between you made you and Bull break out in a sweat.

"Boss? You good?"Bull asked.

"Good as I can be at the moment"

"That's your face I feel isn't it boss"

You paused. In the wriggling and wiggling to get the lid closed and be in a comfortable position Bull had squat squarely on your face.

"It is" you replied

You couldn't see but you bet Bull was smiling.

"Shit boss, I wasn't trying to. Here let me see if I can.." he tried to move. There was no way for his big body to fit inside the crate any other way. The shifting just resulted in his muscular cheeks slapping your nose side to side.

"It's fine, it's fine" you said, stopping him. 

He stopped. "Hopefully we won't be in here to long"

The sweat was bad enough, but you were privy to the noxious fumes and odors of Iron Bulls rear.

"Less then four fucking days and here I am giving the Inquisitor the world's longest Rik'na a'Ishi"

You were picking up a few qunari words since bull joined but that one was new.

"Oh. It's just a stupid kid thing. Bullies tend to do it to weaker boys in the houses. I think the closest translation in human terms is smell, or stink face. Care to guess why?"

You didn't need to think very hard. Your nose clued you in. "I can guess Bull. I got a good nose and I don't think you bathed in a while"

A normal Rik'na a'Ishi would only be a few seconds. Have a friend kneel behind the target, push him so he falls, then rub your ass in his face. 

"What's the point?" You ask.

"Kids being kids; make sure they know you're the dominant type; sometimes just for a laugh."

"From the outside I could see it being funny," you said.

Bull chuckled

"Yeah go on you can laugh" 

"No boss, it's not that. I can feel your breath and it tickles" Bull said.

You moved your face around in the darkness. You notice that your nose has wedged itself in a hole torn in Iron Bulls pants. You traced the curve of his taught skin till it found the hair mangled valley of his cheeks. The Iron Bull was going commando. Your nose jumped over the chasm. The way he had been squatting had peeled the cheeks apart slightly; there was still miles of nutty brown flesh between you and the bullseye.

"You got a hole in your pants I think" you said.

Bull chuckled. "Yeah, that was a good Farakes" He suddenly got real quiet, as if he let some secret slip.

"What's a Farakas?"

'It's nothing boss."

"Is it like a party?"

"No. Some things are best keep secret boss"

"Well now I really want to know. Tell me what is a Farakas?" You blew out your nose. If Bull wasn't going to tell you he could expect a lot of tickling.

"I'd nothing. It's like a belch.." he trailed off muttering something under his breath.

"I didn't catch that last part; say again?"

"It's like a belch..but from your ass."

"You split a hole in your pants with a fart?"

"No, I split it with a good fart." He shifted again. "It's bad luck in the quen to say the word fart when your trapped in a cramped place; doubly so if it's the Bull who has his ass wedged in your face"

You recall your times in the barracks as a soldier, your older brothers and uncles. "Give me some credit Bull, I'm no featherweight mage."

"Oh boss, I know you're as badass as they come, but you don't know how bad the bulls ass can be. You know how Cullen keeps getting reports about a bear roaming around the camp at night but can't seem to find it?"

You had read the reports. For the past three nights just before dawn the night watchmen had been reporting low and long growling sounds. They were expecting a bear woken from hibernation, but they had yet to find any signs of the creature.

"Those are me," Bull said. "A sure sign I'm about to wake up is me letting slip with some slow growling juicy ones"

You shuddered "Maybe when we're back at base we can share a drink and I can experience this legendary beast. From a safe distance downwind that is."

You heard Bull's stomach groan. It was the cry of a tortured soul.

"If we have to stay in here much longer you may get to experience it up close. I'm gonna pinch it off as long as I can boss" Bull said.

What felt like hours passed. Guards kept coming in on routine patrols, none the wiser that two stowaways were crammed in one of their boxes. Your shoulder had begun to cramp. You needed to stretch it. With some working you managed to press it between Bull's legs.

"Woah, boss. Hello." Bull jerked as your arm ran along something long and rubbery.

You gave it a squeeze. "Feels like some sort of toy snake?"

You heard bull chirp. "Close boss. That's my toy snake"

You let go, red in the face. “Im sorry Bull I didn't mean to” “It's all good boss; I just usually like to know someone more than a few days before we get to the tug of war.”

Frantically you try and think of a way to change the topic, only to fail utterly by asking “So, what's got you so excited?” You squint so hard. You wish you could slap your own face. Of all the things to ask.

“Well I was just thinking about the last time I ripped one in someone’s face. The chargers and I were on the storm coast. We were waiting for some nobles to finish whatever shit nobles do when they are together. I was leaning on a rock just watching the waves. In and out. In and out. Really hypnotic. Guess I nearly dozed off. Snapped back to life when I let off a real tak’rethanka-- the wet roar of a dragon--. Rocky and Grim were behind me at the time. Poor grim took the brunt of the black. Rocky was ok. Nutty dwarf lost most of his sense of smell working with explosives. Grim though. That was the last day I remember Grim talking. Now he just grunts. I think I may have melted something in the guys brain, ya know boss?”

As Bull talked about the past you could feel his big rubbery snake bobbing and weaving up and down over your arm.

“That’s the kinda thing that gets you… excited… bull?” You say.

“Shiiit boss. No one really knows about that. I'm not usually with someone this long talking with them having my ass in their face. I’m into some weird shit aint I boss?” “Bull, if it's one thing I've learned about the world so far, it that there is too much crazy shit to worry about what makes people happy. If it makes you feel good I say do it.” You tell him.

“You’re alright boss. More than all right. Don't you worry though I won't let it mess with the job. And i'll make sure your plenty clear before I let rip” Bull says.

“That's gonna be kinda hard in here don't ya think. My face has been wedged in your ass for over an hour.” “I can hold it back boss”  Bulls stomach whined again, this time louder. “This is a nasty one though. It's taking all my willpower to keep the beast at bay.”

“Just get it over with and let it rip. I don't want you to explode” You tell him.

“Nah I can't do that boss. This is a real bad one.”

“I know you want to Bull.” “No, no I want nothing of the sort” He tells you.

You reach out and slap his rubbery cock. “Your ardor gives you away. Trust is important, and truth is the basis of trust. You want to do this.”

Bull cursed in qunlat. “You see right through me boss.” He shifted again, “By the way I wanted to ask. That thing you do with your sword when you draw it. Where did you learn that?” “Well it's a funny story, a few years ago” You start, but you never got to finish the story. As soon as he had distracted you, bulls cheeks let fly with a low rumbling fart. It was like staring into the mouth of a dragon. It washed over you like rain. The entire crate vibrated. Your nose was assaulted with the smell of fresh steaming shit. Bull was a consummate master of the gassy arts. He could have just let things out in one monstrous crack, but he metered it out, just enough to maintain a low droning hum. He caught you mid breath so you were forced to breath in a lung full through your nose. Your eyes watered. Suddenly you knew why Grim may have lost his ability to speak. 

The rest was silent.

You and Bull were in a sauna now. The floor was wet with buckets worth of sweat between you too. Bull just let out a sigh. 

“I tell you boss, very few things feel as good as letting it out after you’ve held it that long.” There was no answer. “Boss? Are you still alive down there?” You coughed. “...Bull” you weakly groan out. Alive, but possibly barley. “How in the the maker can you make such a thing inside you”

Bull was blushing again. “I know. I know. I'm a master. Bet you regret giving me the permission eh boss?” “Shit no Bull. Out of all the farts I’ve ever been privy to in my life, that one will go down as the most epic, the most legendary. You have my permission to let rip whenever, wherever, you want.” Bull stifled a belly laugh. “I don't think the camp guards are gonna be happy about that.” “If anyone gives you trouble, you have my permission to sit on their heads. You can even sit on mine again if you ever want” You tell him.

There was a tender silence between you. As if you were both having a conversation about something more meaningful than farting.

“Boss….” Bull said. “Feel free to say no if this is outta line but, after this mess here is over. Do you wanna fuck?”

[peachade]

Writing Asks

thank u to sarah @soldouthaz, lily @theisolatedlily and late @tomlinvelvetfics for tagging me !!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted

started in eighth grade after moving which fucked me up (i’m still to recover lmao) n i needed a distraction, reading had always helped but writing is what let me see what the root of my agony was. (im not trying to be pretentious i swear) i first started on wattpad (love hate relationship to this day) and beginning of lockdown this year gravitated to ao3 which has been my saving grace !!!

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?

so far i’ve mostly written in louis’ pov. i’ve had to ask this question in the early stages — i resonate the closest to harry. most of my wips are harry centric for that reason. i mean, yes and no — i tend to take some part of me and fit it into the character but at the same time i don’t like seeing me on a page so yes and no.

3. where do you often find inspiration?

EVERYWHERE. mostly others’ stories be it in the way of songs, music, writing, art. usually it’s me coming across a vaguely aesthetic picture and my brain spitting out one or two random scenes and me trying to make that a story.

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?

both !!! i have new wips but also i lost a lot of motivation to do anything for a bit. school is sucking the soul out of me — it’s both easier and harder with it being online, the worst part is i can never truly feel like i’m getting a break from it. recently it’s been easier for me bc of the friends i made (ily all) it’s hindered a little bit bc i can’t go out and watch people and streetlights and the blur of cars and try to pour out that feeling into words and create something. at the same time it’s helped me gain more perspective on people and relationships which has been a massive help to writing in general.

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence?

depending on the number of classes i have/attend, my mental stability, the story and my sensitivity. i often can’t stand loud noises so there’s that but there is always some noise or the other so it’s never truly silent. i like it that way. sometimes i just play intense studying playlist on spotify and write, Lucida by Odin Sørlie and Haunted Heart by Dawn, Dawn, Dawn are my favourites.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?

excessive usage of the same word in mine. in general, i’m not a fan of stereotypical characters or romanticising harmful themes.

7. describe your ideal writing setup

2 am, in bed, music still ringing in my ears, three texts from my best friend about a story or about their day. under the blanket, the room smelling of chocolate or something sweet.

8. favorite time of day to write?

anytime but afternoon. those hours are for naps.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?

fiction? i’d love to write a fantasy au 👀

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it?

yep yep. i just edit an old story or read my old works or other writers’ fics. i gave up trying to force myself into writing — i hated the end product and felt bad so.

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult?

probably the emotions? dialogue without a doubt — i dread writing it. it doesn’t come to me naturally. i can write lengths without dialogue tbh. also smut — it’s an eh eh aspect.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable)

my wonderful friends. they do dumb shit and i want to tell the world about their dumb shit so i make characters out of them.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word?

as of now it is fucker — delightful word that one. least favourite is probably squelch — just no.

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?

the dreamy feeling i manage to write without a doubt !!!! dialogue and pacing. i don’t have the best dialogue or the pacing or the length for fics but i’m working on all of those !!

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?

still a wip so i can’t tell you much except that it’s a proper treat. will write this once i’ve posted that fic !!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?

*nervous laughter* the font changes from fic to fic — crush is comic sans, size 11. October was Lora, 11. Twisted in bedsheets is courier new, 11. stargazing is spectral, 11. so yeah — whatever the fic demands. single spaced !!!! except when i’m overwhelmed i do double spaces.

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?

I Cannot Type. if you think i can — congratulations you were fooled. autocorrect is the loml.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?

of course !!!! i basically do not exist out of my writing.

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?

pain, pining, longing. lust.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?

we’re all fucked up but we’re trying and trying sometimes is enough. you shouldn’t spend your life carved out around one person. it’s okay to ask for help and need a shoulder to lean on. i hope these come across in my future fics !!!!

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?

bold of you to assume i’ve ever received advice.

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?

a new fic. will update the answer once that fic is out !!!!!

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?

chronologically. i can’t do out of order. i do have a page full of scribbles but they are to tell me the order sjakmd.

24. how do you handle criticism?

if it’s constructive then well. no thick skin tbh. makes me feel as if i need validation from someone else on my art which isn’t necessary but my brain is wired to seek it and it’s a hassle.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?

write everything you would want to read. write it bad, don’t worry about the quality. don’t worry about the audience. end of the day, it should be something you can turn to for comfort not something that makes you feel bad.

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?

people telling me they like my writing and it could take them out of this world for a few minutes !!!!!

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?

probably crush verse !!!! harry — his is probably the one character where i dump most of me in.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?

rant to me about anything. i enjoy talking. ask me about wips so i can take the little guilt and write more.

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?

it’s nice to let go and express things and create characters with a better situation than mine.

30. why do you write?

keep myself busy.

boost yourself + tags

1a. share the last sentence you wrote

No kissing. No flashbacks.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about

a little something i’m writing inspired by @brickredtoe’s art !!!!

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of

ok. well. from 5436 miles

“Or we could always add a trail of stars to one of those moons,” he replies, words dragged out, rolling around in his mouth.

He can see the glint in his eyes even behind his closed lids. Everything about Louis is inked and etched into every fiber of his being.

He would’ve kissed him, words pouring from his mouth into Harry’s, only half his.

He snorts. “And make it seem like the moon has a buttplug? No, thanks.”

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s)

both my published fics have circular endings.

5436 miles — Louis always had more stars in his eyes.

these tornadoes are for you — His heart beats in peace.

5a. link to the last fic you read.

sugary sweet by the immensely talented @soldouthaz

6a. link the last work you published

here

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable)

wheeee

8a. someone that inspires you

taylor. she’s so so wonderful.

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year

all of riv, sarah, ris and late’s fics. they’ve been so so comforting. Event Horizon by @mercurial-madhouse

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag!

@mercurial-madhouse @harryanthus are the only ones coming to mind atm. i’ve been up for too long apologies.

[hanniejji]

rules: ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go

→ tagged by: @bnha-homeroom

→ tagging: @wesparklebitch @bakutae @cellotonin @bnhcs @jojosmilktea

look it's asking for only one character. and it's not specifically asking for a bnha character. you can't expect me to choose one and not feel bad because the others deserve love too gjsbf so i chose two i wanted to do all of them but that's too greedy of me tksbd im sorry :'<

warnings: this will be long. that's it.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

quiet duo™

it I met someone like shouto I wouldn't even like him at all

but there comes my considerate and civil treatment to all even with my resting bitch face

i watch everyone from the back so id notice if this man is having a hard time with socializing

me too boi we can be both antisocial

but tbh it'd be a quiet relationship with an occasional me screaming from emotions because that's how I am

we're both going to be uncomfortable with pda at first because tbh i only do that when I'm sleepy but it's ok we gotta take baby steps sometimes

but that doesn't mean I won't mother him and we all know this baby is touch starved so yes im going to give u all of the love u deserve

"get some rest pls you've been training for hours"

"i made your favorite soba, take a break bitch"

istg I'm a mother not a girlfriend

"let's both annoy enji and use his credit card until he's broke"

I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF YOUR SHIRTS AND HOODIES BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE NOW

like damn id be giddy if he ever looks at me with those cute confused eyes for help with simple things or if he looks at me and ask if he's doing it right

mother mode level 1038104729

also damn id give him every food I can make like I don't need to stress bake to bake him some sweets or whatever

he'd probably do the same for me since I tend to overwork myself when I'm into things

but,, honey,, I don't want you to burn the kitchen

like yes pls pull me away from my textbook because I really don't understand a thing and even if I don't I'm sure my brain will still make me go read it over and over again

im never good with listening to others comforting me

like yes thank you very much but words are never a big impact to me after hearing it so much from people who don't even care anymore

so I'd appreciate his silence when I'm sad and he'd just hug me for comfort

he understands that all I need is someone to keep me on the ground, not force their words upon me

tbh I'd be more sleepy when I'm around him

he's the right amount of warm and cool, he's perfect dkfks let me just rest on his left side for warmth or his right side for some cooling off and boom. sleep.

there wouldn't be much of a fight tbh

I'm an open minded person and even if I don't agree with someone's opinion I wouldn't give a fuck

it's probably going to take the both of us long before we both open up to each other because we're both secretive but it'll probably be me who'd give in first

he'll probably catch me in my sulking mood and ask

I may be a mom but I'm also a dad

I'd fight bitches who think bad of shouto I WON'T HESITATE BITCH

he has to stop me physically from attacking a mutt because these claws are ready for some scratching

we're so similar yet so different at the same time lmao

that's all :D

LERO-RO

have you heard of this man's voice??? have you heard of this man's voice??

because what the fuck

i will not be able to not be in awe whenever he speaks and im sure my stupid self wouldn't be able to stop staring

like please talk to me more

speak with your morning voice pls

bless my ears

bless my fucking soul

idk man how did i end up with him?? im stupid and he's smart and im clumsy and he can kill a bitch for just two seconds??!

pray for me because this man is going to tease me for being 5"0 and he's a fucking tower pun intended

he's probably going to end up teaching me how to use a shinsu because— and I quote— "you're going to end up dying without me" but it'll be a bad idea because there's no guarantee that I won't use it to prank him or mess with people who irritate me :D

he's stressed™

"nO. you can't beat up another admin"

"i swear to fucking god if u do that— oh fuck u"

"please do"

like how did you end up with a quiet evil little bitch like me? go get yourself an angel because you're an angel yourself, we don't fit man

but he's also a sweet mf uwu he'd end up mothering me instead of me mothering him

but it's gonna be nice to be pampered y'all can't understand the pain of being a mother to everyone

and yes we're bam and khun's parents now

excuse me while I climb this 6 ft tree

he probably loves cuddling me from behind and placing his chin on my head

"I'm not a furniture go get your chair"

he's an test admin, he's gonna be stressed and tired of taking care of a bunch of children so it'll be my turn to smother him in love uwu here's your favorite food, a massage, a tea, some cuddles, and a warm bath for u and only u

I can sleep on him so watch me ask for a piggy back ride just to sleep

and he can't deny me of that ride because I'd look sluggish and tired and sleepy and no one can say no to my face

ill kith his two moles uwu

honestly, we'd probably have petty arguments sometimes because of my idgaf attitude while he's more of a respectful + polite + appropriate person

let me have my freedom pls I don't like being uptight :((

and there goes my insecure ass because no, this man is too good for me, and im just stupid for giving it a try

and masking my emotions wouldn't work with him

he's gonna see it from miles away and he's going to confront me about what im upset about and he's going to blame himself for it because that's just how it is

but it's ok, it takes two for a relationship to work

we'd reassure each other from our insecurities and we'll be ok

he's probably going to treat me. like I'm some cat or something which I am

I'm pretty sure he'd be weirded out by my weird habits like yes I can sleep everywhere unless it's noisy and yes I stress bake and yes I drink coffee but still fall asleep and yes I love food give me food

he's an observant man, he's going to notice how I say no to thing even tho I want to say yes because I don't prioritize myself and he's going to scold me for it

we probably have a "us time" every so often because we both need to rest and just enjoy each other's presence

in other words, shouto and leroro deserve someone better than me :'D

[coolingdownanddrawing]

heres some idea’s for redesigns along with some bulletpoints on what I was thinking for story stuff involving remaking the series

Im having trouble reading off the screenshots so Im gonna write it out under the cut along with probably adding some ideas or expanding on the bullet lists (future me here: I wrote a Lot)

Sam Manson:

-Rich Activist, meaning she’s kinda blind to some troubles going on or doesnt full understand how others are doing financially, along with being raised in a house with people who arnt exactly empathetic and more focused on appearances then worker rights, sam can come off as shallow to others doing activist work.

 it could be a really interesting character arc for her to realize some of the things going on outside of her school and plants that she can help with, along with dealing with that sense of helplessness she feels at being to normal to help anyone she expresses in the show.

-Goth, but cheery? One thing i noticed in the show is how overall cheerful sam can come off while toting goth ideal’s, which may be a part of why she isnt shown to have many goth friends with them seeing her more as a poser becouse their teenagers and teenager Be like that sometimes.

 It’s not a problem in my book but it could be fun to see tucker or danny question it when in goth spaces and sam basically saying the truth that you dont have to be miserable to enjoy dark subject matter. maybe with tucker and danny getting a small interest in some of the “lesser” goth stuff sam introduces to them.

-fights everyone, becouse teenager with boundless energy and Ghosts attacking all the time. sam didnt fight much in the original series and thats a shame.

-facinated by ghost, becouse duh

-I was kinda thinking of her and tucker being introduced by them competing for class president, becouse that seem’s like a position both would be interested in and it be more interesting then having tucker face dash

Tucker Foley

-Likes to influence others is a general statment, but its true tucker likes to be involved in other peoples lives and generally have his oppinion affect people in possitive (or negative) ways. he likes seeing that his involvment matters and he suffers when people ignore him or take his oppinions for granted and id love to see stuff centered around this trait

-level 1 leader/planner, sorta connected to the influencing people thing I think tucker really would thrive in leadership roles that danny just isnt suited to handling, big mobs of people and sam on his side and he is a force to be recond with. Tucker thrives in getting big groups of people to side with him esspecially since technology profficientcy isnt a sign of weakness in this day and age. 

plus him working on his public speaking lines up with his motivation of wanting to be attactive to ladies. 

also Having him working on public speaking stuff and general people person scenario’s gives a lot of reason for the group to interact with the A listers in a less hostile scenario

-tech god I guess, becouse tucker foley

Dan Phantom

-Incarnation of discomfort being the unintentional (At least the first time) fusion of a stubborn 14 year old and his crazy 40 year old father figure with very different morals and oppinions makes existing very, very akward for dan, but great comedy fodder!

-dan is able to have legs or a ghostly tail whenever he pleases unlike vlad or danny, becouse I figured it be a good way to make fights more interesting and their fighting styles different becouse I want more vlad involvement and having  them be extra different types of ghosts makes watching either of them fight much more interesting

-wishes to not exist, esspecially in the presense of either danny or vlads love interests becouse WOW thats akward

-WAAAAY more powerful then danny and vlad, partially becouse making dan a final everything is going to hell desperate final action for danny and vlad would make dan’s appearances more interesting but also becouse of difference’s about vlad plasmius and danny phantom I will talk about when I get to them. 

Dan Discomfort Masters

-“Vlad’s nephew” becouse if you’re meeting this guy stuff has gone horrible wrong on the de-fusing front  and he needs a reason to be in either fenton on masters house hold to get whatever he needs to fix the ghost catcher 

- big ol liar pant’s, partially becouse danny and vlad are Huge Liars but also becouse of the whole, I need shit to stop existing 

-Trying to keep it together becouse he’s probably made to interact with people vlad and danny have Opinions On and honestly he cant decide if he wants to viciously prank jack at every oppertunity or punch himself for thinking of being mean to jack, among other such mixed feelings.

Vlad Masters

-Certified genius due to a number of thing’s including his obession, and becouse being smarter then jack makes him happy and if jack ever expressed interest in a subject He Must Be Better, he might not be trying to kill jack becouse he doesnt want to deal with a ghost hunter ghost for who knows how long but he wont be lesser then jack in ANYTHING.

-fruitloop, still has some backwards logic and morals such as having valarie become a ghost hunter to offer a sparring buddy to danny and whats a better motive to shoot at someone then they ruined their life right but he’s generally such a over the top bird brain trying to show off to everyone that fruitloop is the only description he can be given.

-less evil is a Big Thing, he’s still objectively not a very good man but I want him and danny working together and sharing a roof on the weekends but that means not shooting first and asking questions later on site, so a less evil vlad is needed, plus it just generally makes there interactions more fun and less dangerous which is what im going for, since walker can take over a lot of vlads antagonist role in the story plus danny and vlad making agreements to get stuff out of eachother sounds like a hell of a lot of fun, i liked eye for and eye vlad sue me.

- as a side not I want vlad to be a lot less physically fit and practiced with doing things as a human, seeing him as a man who lords his power over others when he can he prefers relaxing and working as plasmius more then masters, which affects his health and serves a purpose in story for a lesson id like made after watching phantom planet last night

Vlad Plasmius

-loving guardian in that he really, really does want to be a good father and mentor figure to danny even if their relationship is rocky due to long standing lies he’s been feeding him and how tight a grip vlad has on his familys financial health. as well as the whole snatching partial costody as soon as costudy was called into question after dannys accident (Ill get to that) vlad’s babysat in the past for the fenton which is part of it, along with his desire to be better at jack in every aspect.

-great implorer, in which he likes to get minions when he can and usually only grumbles if his minions already have plans when he calls for them, pays great by ghost zone and human standards and usually offers a full health plan, though skulkers case that full health plans is for when he gets his head up his ass and thinks he can actually get either danny or vlads pelt, one of skulkers suits is on vlads lab wall with a nice hole where its face should be as a reminder to those who cross him.

-only legs,  meaning he uses 100% more kicks and ground based attacks then danny and can kick below the bet where danny cant, this plus his fire core making him have to get creative lest he burn his surroundings to the ground has him fighting in a very different way to danny, along with his 20 years of experience. vlad tends to fight ghosts with less reason to leave the ghost zone, and invading lairs to get what he wants, leading to more serious encounters then what danny faces in the begining.

-loves dramatics, becouse vlad plasmius everybody he’s a cookyier villian here

-less evil and more ruthless and efficient to those who get in his way, that arnt who percieves as family 

-Plasmius’s obsession is teaching people lessons, in all the good and horrible ways that can imply. halfa’s have more broad and less restrictive obsessions then other ghosts which makes them more dangerous and able to ammas power.

Danny Fenton

-Fenton works heir, which is played up a lot more in this with vlad backing his family and giving them chances to disgrace themselves on public telivision and get shamed out of wherever their currently living, leading them on a series of moves throughout dannys life before amity park show off their inventions to the world! Since Jazz aggressively refused the role it fell on danny and he actually takes it pretty seriously, believing as a little bab in ghosts and being convinced of their evil from a young age by his parents which you can only imagine does great things for him when he becomes a halfa and learns unkie vlad is one as well.

-has been haunted by the creepy ghost boy title his whole like due to his situation and the fact he is usually made to assist in showing off his parents weapons publicly as a apprentice ghost hunter, one such invention was the fenton portal that had a wire loose during the presentation, when he went in and put it back the doors automatically shut him in and jack and maddie didnt notice he was in there still until the screaming started, this led to some public outcry over weather jack and maddie are fit to raise kids and vlad swooping in for partial costudy of both fenton children “to ease the masses, and besides he’s basically helped raise them anyway whats garenteed weekends at one of vlads places going to do?”  it was a sucky situation.

-bad reputation due to general protectiveness of his parents along with terrible social skills, along with his new trouble of hiding and controlling emerging ghost powers.He doesnt leave a initial good impression on sam and tucker when he first meets them as fenton, and people tend to avoid him to keep away from his parents wierdness anyhow.

-is less good in the traditional sense but wants to keep people safe and happy if he can help it, though its argueable if thats simply a manifestation of his obsession or if its just becouse he’s a sweet kid, once he gets it into his head that ghosts arnt always evil he tries really hard to be nice to ghost too and even tries to save them from his parents when he can. putting his neck out for them.

Danny Phantom

-just wants a lair is a shorthand for wanting to just experience regular ghost things when he’s going ghost, he’s less inclined to fight every ghost he see’s unless their actively hurting people and tries to talk them down, not wanting his afterlife filled with enemies when he officially keels over. 

he has big dreams for a super cool lair of his own that are explored upon the one time he’s split apart by the ghost catcher, mostly becouse phantom rips the  door to his room from its hinges and zooms into the ghost zone as soon as he’s out, found aimlessly wondering helplessly looking for the PERFECT location to start building. he tends to day dream about the lair of his dreams in class.

-no leg’s leading to more air combat and trying to immobalize people with his tail, usually fighting fairly though with his moments of cheap shots in partiicularly deadly battles,, he usually fights people like johnny 13 who mess with people then he does generally harmless ghosts like box ghost in the begining, plus with his in development abilities that include a versatile ice core his fights are more strategy  then sheer beat down or creative weapon making (or heating whatever metal the ghost is wearing to the point of insanity) 

Danny also has this little problem where he “died” in a anti ghost hazmat suit made of stuff to weaken and harm a ghost who comes in contact with jack and maddies little boy and it means its harder on him to access his powers, taking more energy to do things that most ghost would find easy like intangibilty and invisibility, which is a major problem for him esspecially at first, danny’s only made aware of this though vlads help and their working on a way to trick the hazmat suit into changing material with what danny was wearing under the suit, since its being difficult with changing on dannys command, he can put stuff over and under the suit but the suit itself is hard to make budge.  the outfit shown above is after danny learns how to at least add stuff over it with vlads help.

dan does not have problem’s with the material of his costume making him have access to all dannys abilities easily, along with vlads experience and power and dannys creative thinking dan gets the nickname of the ultimate enemy with good reason

- Loves exploring, esspecially the ghost zone its so interesting and full of enteraining characters and the food is Amazing at least in ghost form and vlad’s show him some pretty incredible places in the zone when they agree to work together in the sense of vlad stealing madde and jacks thermoses at the end of fenton fights and danny helping him spelunk in the ghost zone,  its a guilty pleasure to be able to show sam and tucker around when they become friends, natural portals are a tempation danny has a hard time ignoring when he see’s one, much to his loved ones annoyance.  wolf is a terrible enablr of a friend.

- due to his obession with proving himself (its the wording i go with now i might change it to something like control or being loved) danny tends to want people to like him and seeing a opertunity to get them to like him sorta throws him off balance and out of fight mode, usually leading to him cuddling up to them, in phantom form dannys a great cuddler. take caution though he’s been known to trick enemys into thinking he’s gone out of fight mode and either shove them into the nearest portal/thurmos or later freezing them where they stand.  dannys terrible with crowds, esspecially crowds of people who dont like him he freezeses up.

Danny to-tired-to-function (school and not working with parents danny)

-cant wait to to graduate, with no plans to go to college becouse he’s not paying for more hell

-is really in a bad place socially and mentally in the begining, but will become a lot happier once he befriends sam and tucker, though before that he tends to do some pretty desperate and embarrasing things to get attention and has a problem with letting people drag him into trouble on the promise of friendship.

Danny’s Chore’s list:

-deadly laundry with ectoplasm contaminated laundry machines to content with

-helping whoever wants to cook, cook, or being in charge of dinner most nights unless someone else wants to cook (breakfast is jazz’s job, maddie and jack are gently discouraged from cooking, jazz and danny usually or use to just grab take out for lunch if they had time)

-cleaning the lab

-dishes with ecto contaminated dishwasher are always a little dangerous damn appliances and their wills to reak havoc, jazz likes to help make sure it doesnt hurt anyone since its more dangerous then the laundry machines

-assembling weapons with parents for the vault, or incase of a huge ghost invasion so everyone has a chance at a weapon, danny usually just assembles the less dangerous stuff that doesnt require a lot of welding

-general house maintense, vacuuming and window cleaning while jazz mops and dusts 

-jazz cleans the weapons vault after learning dannys secret becouse its a lot less dangerous for her then for him and hes infinitly grateful

AND DONE thats some of my thoughts on what could be done with a re design of the characters and story beats listed, im tired of writing now but enjoyed getting this out

[do-not-cry-little-ones]

Matchup exchange with Chance!

Just in case anyone is looking to do a matchup exchange with me~

- I’m a straight female, and any fandom that you write for is ok (even tho I still have a lot of animes on my watchlist and most likely haven’t watched what you want to match me up with lmao), but I’d prefer BNHA and/or Haikyuu!! if that’s okay :)

- any age is okay but, please, like, don’t match me up with like an 80 year old man...

- appearance: people have told me I look kinda intimidating, or aloof, and I mean...it’s kinda true, it’s mostly coz I don’t really pay attention to strangers and stuff, & I keep to myself a lot. I’m not intimidating because of my looks, it’s just the way I tend to behave around people I don’t know. I’m 5’8, & people have told me I’m pretty(I don’t wear makeup so I take it to heart when someone compliments me on my looks 😌)

- If you want actual looks, then I have long wavy brown hair, slightly slanted light brown eyes, lanky(lmao), pretty muscly, 

- fashion sense...what the heck is that? Look, I’ll find something in my closet & wear it for like a week lmao. But in all seriousness, my style is probably just tomboy/casual sorta thing.

- I’ve asked people what colour i remind them of and they've said dark green?

- I’m a good listener & will try my best to help out if you need to rant or whatever, but my advice/help is usually practical & will be something to actually solve the problem, not support you emotionally.

- I’m thougthful and tend to look too deeply into things(like songs and movies) & I sometimes overthink things and miss an easier solution to a situation or send myself into a spiral of what if they don’t like me was I talking too loud no I shouldn’t have said that it was stupid-

- I’m an ambivert, leaning introvert, so while I love hanging out, I need space as well.

- I think of myself as a chameleon; I’ll match my energy levels to those around me & my sense of humour as well, but if someone is TOO different, I’ll get tired because of me having to change myself to fit them. But I get along with most people just fine, I’m just really awkward.

- I’m pretty chaotic at times & I love chaotic people as well, just not too chaotic that I can’t match it.

- I looooove learning about different people, like I’m just so fascinated by different personalities & how the brain works. It’s just so interesting!!!

- I’m sarcastic, but I also have a very dark sense of humour. Ooooo I also love puns, but I don’t wanna hear the same one over & over again.

- I’m basically emotionally constipated & I literally never EVER talk about my feelings yay. So I get really stressed if I keep things pent up too long(which is most of the time).

- I did the enneagram type personality test once & I got type one. One of the main points that I related with was when it said that type ones are emotional restrictors(or something like that I can’t remember). It basically means that I try not to feel certain emotions. For example, anger is a so called “bad” emotion, so whenever I feel it, I try to suppress it coz, in my eyes, it’s a “bad” emotion.

- I feel responsible for everything, so you’ll notice little things about me like: not sleeping during a car ride, always looking at the road, stuff like that. I’m constantly aware of everything around me coz I think that no one else is paying any attention so that loads more stress on to me.

- I don’t think I take situations seriously enough & one of my coping mechanisms is laughing or joking about it...

- I don’t have very high self-confidence but I hide it yay.

- I’m pretty relaxed when I want to be but I’m said to be too criticaI and pick on small insignificant things.

- though I don’t particularly like being the center of attention, I LOVE the thrill of being in the spotlight for a singing performance, or a play or whatever thing I’m doing atm.

- I have a very strong moral compass, and am often known as a ‘goody-two shoes’, but I don’t like to be one. It’s just a worry about people and I won’t do something that’s morally wrong(to me).

- It also kinda ties in with my responsibility thing, because I don’t think anyone else will have the common sense to not do something stupid.

- Though while I am I stickler for rules, I don't actually like them myself. It stems from my hate of being trapped by things, physically and metaphorically. Physically, I just hate the thought of being under something and not being able to do anything about it. For example, if I flip a canoe over in the water and I end up under it, I will freak out internally, though on the outside I’ll just look uncomfortable. Metaphorically, I don’t like being held back by rules, though I am a stickler for them, and I don’t like the restraint it forces me to have on my freedom.

- Hobbies: I sing!! Like a lot, tho not in front of my friends or family & I’ve done many performances. I write,,,,too much,,,and I end up procrastinating a bunch coz of it...but I try to stop...unsuccessfully...ANYway, I also draw & read, & I love mountain climbing!! Also I play a few sports & looking to get into more lmao, so I’m pretty athletic & muscular.

- What I look for in a partner: honesty, charisma, assertiveness(I definitely won’t be the one to initiate ANYTHING), a want for adventure, good sense of humour, genuine feelings, mature, caring, IM HIGH KEY TOUCH STARVED SO BE PREPARED

- But, like I said, my partner will have to be the one to initiate physical contact or else I won’t feel welcomed to touch them. ALSO I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY WITH/DO MY HAIR!!! It’s just so nice to feel someone raking their fingers through my hair...

I hope this is enough :)

[softforcal]

Writing Tips

I get a lot of asks about tips on writing so i figured i’d just make a huge ass post for ya’ll :)

this shit covers: character, plot, motivation, past vs present tense, 3rd vs 1st verson, oneshots vs multi chapter fics, moodboards for character building, dialogue, oc’s vs reader inserts, face claims, the grocery store test, the meme test

Character

okay i want to start by saying: i used to write imagines so writing in character was like MY THING for like 6 years so i have a LOT OF PRACTICE with watching something and picking up on characters and i’ve spent THOUSANDS of hours watching shows. so like, i’ve spent a lot of time on this you know? so don’t feel bad if you have a life and havent had as much practice :)

so at the moment, i’ve been doing character mood boards to help figure out a character? but the thing about that is im picky about face claims and it can be hard so this is an easily skippable option and i’m not even sure if i enjoy it yet you know?

so first: i think of a story. i think of the type of OC that’s involved, i think about what they’re like, (i sometimes find a face claim), i give them a name

for me, as soon as they have a name and sort of a face in my brain, they take on a life of their own. a character knows when you’ve found the right name and face for it and it comes alive when you do. like for me, Birdie was originally ‘Cherry’ but she was like ‘bitch no’ and wouldn’t let me write her until i found her name.

to be honest. i don’t plan things. like. when i write, the character just takes over. i have no control. they do what they want. fucking Valentina and Harry in Trouvaille, i had a whole angst scene for them and these assholes decided to go on the terrace and tell each other they like each other instead and then the story just ended. like. i had a pLAN and they RUINED IT.

you can’t be afraid if letting your characters do what they want to do. when you plot, a loose outline is good but i just throw my characters into a situation and see where they go.

like for my final gang au chapter, did i want Michael to leave town? no. but he needed to take Dove and get the fuck out of there you know?

i don’t make playlists really, sometimes certain songs stick to people, like one of my characters, his song right now is Girlfriend by Anderson East and that song was sort of inspiration.

I don’t know where my inspiration comes from. obviously i write a FUCK ton so let me see if i can explain a few past stories and where they came from.

Gang AU was born from a post by @hereforlukescruff​ about the song ‘Or Nah.’

Cromulent was based off a tumblr post about enemies fake dating

Wild one was legit just me figuring out how to work all of @glitterprincelu​s fav things into one fic

Floral was based off of looking at my favourite tattoo artists floral tattoos

Trouvaille was originally pompous New York! Calum but as i developed it, it was Harry and i couldn’t stop him from pushing Cal out of the way and being like ‘this is my apartment you wanker get the fuck out of here and let me smoke and paint in peace.’

Noise was originally based off an idea by @palliddark​ that i was blessed enough to receive, she also had influence in Cromulent because months ago she requested a post about the boys recording having sex for a song.

So i think what we’re realizing here is a lot of it comes through interacting with other creators. one of my new pieces is based off of 2 5sos songs and one is based off of a person in Love Island. so inspo can hit from anywhere

the fic im working on now came from me talking to @harryforvogue​ about the new Gucci ads Harry did.

i started a Greaser Cal that i dropped cuz im a whore, but it was inspired by @calsangel​ and hopefully it gets completed sometime soon

like. talking to other creative people is just a breeding pool for ideas. people you trust and love, people who you can bounce off of. listen for stories in music, study people and characters and who knows where it might lead you :)

i hope this helps. but yeah. my number one piece of advice: talk about writing, talk about stories, talk about the guys you want to write about and inspo WILL hit.

also to all the people i have tagged i hope you know how much you guys mean to me. like. i really appreciate all you guys do and how much support you’ve given me and continue to give me. i hope i can offer the same support in return and i love you all with my whole heart.

****** Moodboard and Character (final thoughts)

So basically since i wrote that OG advice, i’ve begun to realize: moodboards are a good tool because if you can easily come up with 9 pics for a character they’re pretty well thought out. 

for example, my easiest moodboard to make was for Birdie in my gang au

Birdie: likes scrunchies, reading, classic stories, ice cream, bubblegum, lollipops, acrylic nails, having her hair in a bun

my worst moodboard was for a character named Annabelle from Noise

i started and was like... who is Annabelle: she’s blonde... she uhhhh is doing psychology?

and that’s all i could get because Annabelle was a mostly dialogue driven character with no actual mentioned likes or dislikes, in my eyes, Annabelle was not a well thought out character.

so moodboards can help because they show you how well you’ve got your characters figured out.

******

Plot

so plot is tough. i tend to gravitate more to character driven plot because characters are my #thing. i’m going to start by going through some of my plotlines and going over the good and bad and hopefully have an answer at the end of it after picking apart my writing. should be FUN.

long fic plots

Noise plot: Annabelle gets a new neighbour and he keeps fucking girls and waking her up and they have banter, he’s a hothead and invites her to psychoanalyze him and it leads to some tension but he is soft for her right away and they a little awkward with each other but finally give love a try.

Floral plot: would renowned tattoo artist Calum chooses a new apprentice, socially awkward and anxious Lily, they’re attracted to each other but the confines of a boss and pupil relationship are tight and evident, creating tensions. Calum struggles with being professional while falling for the cute apprentice, especially when pressure is put on them by their friends, after slow burn and anxiousness they finally get together.

Cromulent plot: Calum has a new PR relationship with Chlo and he hates her, he thinks she’s fake and does everything he can to piss her off, finally deciding to fuck with her emotions by being a GREAT boyfriend which ends up hurting her and he realizes maybe she’s not so bad after all, things are a little confusing but they finally sit down and talk it out and address some of Calum’s insecurities about her past relationships and PR stunts, they agree to give love a try.

so, from these 3 long fic outlines we can see i usually go for character based turmoil which works well for fics between 10-15k (or longer, Trouvaille fits this format and it was 19k) I just think, relationships take time and people struggle to figure themselves out enough to enter a relationship. if you have some fiery characters and banter (Cromulent and Noise) or perhaps awkward anxiety and tip toeing (Floral and Trouvaille) shit works out you know?

for smaller oneshot fics plots can be easier and more situational i think.

Movie Snack plot : Cal goes to Luke and his GF’s place for movies and Luke gets bored and eats the reader out in front of Cal which leads to sex.

Road Trip plot : Luke and reader are dating and on a road trip they’re horny but end up having to share a room with Cal who has always had a thing for the reader, smut ensues. 

Stay Still plot : Tattooist!Cal is the readers fuck buddy and she goes to get her tits pierced, ending up with Luke as her piercer, but Calum shows up and angst leads to smut.

so yeah, for smaller 1-5k little smut pieces it can be more relaxed, smut is just smut, not love, and sex is a hell of a lot easier than love you know? 

yeah, so that’s all my plot advice

*********

3rd person, 1st person, what the fuck person

when it comes to HOW you write your fic (what person, what tense, etc...) that’s up to you. it’s honestly whatever you feel best in. i’ve dabbled with a bit of everything. you just have to find what feels the most natural to you :) that’s the only advice i can give on this because no one thing is better than the other, it’s up to you.

one tip for 3rd person i have is to generally focus on one character. i’m a fan of doing the thing where for example, in Cromulent, we focus on Calum and why he doesn’t like Chlo. if we switched to Chlo a lot it would take away from the unreliable narration and bias Calum has. the good thing is to stay with Calum and be angry at Chlo and realize with Cal that she’s not so bad.

but that’s just me.

you can do switching when characters are together or on a phone call, like if you’re with Calum but he’s calling (for example) Chlo and then you want to see her reaction you can do

Calum groaned, staring at the ceiling, “bla bla cal saying shit”

“bla bla Chlo answering” she held the phone tighter etc...

and just like that you’re now with Chlo not Calum. 

*********** OC’s vs Reader Insert

i’ll be real here: for some reason, i feel like reader inserts are more read on tumblr and i started out doing reader inserts to build a following. 

personally, i prefer writing OC’s because you can go more in depth with EVERYTHING. 

it’s honestly up to you what you want to do. i’ve decided to do my short smuts at reader insert and longer fics as OC but it’s whatever works for you at the end of the day.

***********

Dialogue

I’m a fan of dialogue driving story, Noise was so much fucking dialogue it’s insane. finding your characters voice is important and sticking with that makes a huge difference. if you’re character can kind of be seen based JUST on what they’re saying, thats a good sign.

i hate to say it but imma say it: when doing 5sos it’s important to know they’re Australian. some countries have different mannerisms and such, for example, i’m Canadian but i can’t have Calum out here saying “it’s a nice day eh?” you know? so, i would advise to try to get a handle on accents and word choice specifically to make them more believable. as is said in the iconic movie Tropic Thunder 

***********

Motivation

so this is probably one of the biggest issues writers are facing and i’m about to get REAL AS FUCK.

on tumblr, it can feel like once you gain a following you CONSTANTLY need to be pumping shit out for them.

back in the day, i was posting a HC a day and a lot of it was for hogwarts!5sos. it felt like a job, which wasn’t anyone elses doing per se, i just think a lot of fic writers get caught up in this pressure whether it’s imposed by anons or not (im lucky that i’ve never had anon pressure and i’m very grateful for my amazing followers tbh)

Tumblr is not a job. if you’re writing, write for you. you are blessing tumblr with you’re writing. please don’t feel pressure to put stuff out or write a new chapter or anything.

if you ever feel like you’re under a lot of pressure, take a few days away, find the root of your writing joy. always do what you want to do. if you have to turn off asks to feel sane, do it. if you gotta block mean anons pressuring you, do it. you don’t owe anyone anything.

your writing is a gift graciously bestowed on this hellsite and this site shouldn’t make you feel pressured to write and give content FOR FREE. it shouldn’t make you lose your passion and make writing feel like a chore or job.

motivation can be hard. i’m a fucking psycho so don’t use me as a base for what you should be doing. i put out a fic a week which i really shouldn’t be doing, it’s not practical. but i can type fast as fuck and writing 1 or 2k in 10 minutes is normal for me so don’t use me as an example you know.

go at your own pace. write what you love. write au’s or for the characters you love and hopefully the rest will come.

******** Multi Chapter vs oneshots

ok more realness, pros and cons of each

oneshots:

pros:

-its one and done, no need to worry about putting out more

-they can be fun

-it’s all in one place which a lot of readers like

Cons:

-can be long af

-take longer to write since a oneshot is probably like 10+k depending on who you are as opposed to perhaps 5k chapters of a multi chapter fic 

Multi Chapter

pros:

-people are excited for more

-cliffhangers are fun

-people interact with you more about chapters to come

cons:

-more pressure to put out new chapters

-with each new chapter you’re probably losing likes because people get bored or forget about it because people sometimes don’t have the attention span or whatever to continue reading whenever you update

-usually tend to be longer than a oneshot (5k chapters means that in 2 chapters you have probably surpasses a oneshot length of 10ishk)

So i will be real. i prefer oneshots. i adore my gang au which was long as fuck and super multi chaptered but it’s tough to see the likes go down and down. plus, i wrote all of Penumbra (the main multi chaptered part) before i started putting it out so i had no pressure to write more cuz that shit was done before i started posting.

which does help. if you want to write the whole thing before you start posting it takes off the first con but you’re still left with the other 2. 

**********

Face Claims

i feel like for some characters they’re born without a face claim but i totally get it if you want to use a face claim before you even start. finding face claims can be hard so you have to get ready to go creep on insta and look at models and figure out who you like. a lot of insta models follow each other so once you find a model you like, look through their following list or recent likes to see other models.

another thing you can do is go for brands or photographers who link their models. Fashion Nova for example, if you’re scrolling through and like a girl the link is there. and the same goes for some photographers. there’s a lot of accounts that are just for hot girls with links to their instas so (even if it feel weird) you should go check those out :)

******

The Grocery Store Test

next, for making characters, i think for me name is a big part of it. once a character finds their name that character comes alive in my mind. i was thinking about this yesterday and i said to myself, ‘you know you have a good grasp on your character when you can imagine them in a grocery store and know what they’d do.’

for example:

Birdie (from Gang AU) would go look at nail polish and candy, Luke would legit have to put her in the cart to get her out of there and if there’s a book section? good luck man

Valentina (trouvaille) is just gorgeous. she and Harry would go and he’d push the cart and she’d have a nicely written notepad of things to get and she’d look so pretty, head bowed, crossing things off, and Harry would be such a melt for her. he would crash into things cuz he’s so busy paying attention to her. she’d be a fan of picking up boxes and reading out nutritional values just to point out to Harry that eggos are not good for him.

so, Valentina and Birdie are probably my best OC’s if i’m being honest and because of that, these were easy.

now, take a character i didn’t work on as much and suddenly it’s different

Annabelle (noise) never really talked about anything but school and shitting on Calum so, i mean, i guess i can think of what she’d do in a store but.. like, i’d have to think about it you know?

so to me, we can see the difference between a fully fledged OC and one that needs to be worked on.

but, Noise still got a lot of likes so i dunno, i’m just self critical i guess.

i think, when it comes to characters, everyone has flaws. Annabelle is too critical of Calum and has a stigma about wealth, Valentina… she’s flawless not gonna lie but she’s a little too afraid of stepping on other people’s toes and she should probably be less anxious, Birdie is way too sentimental and cries over everything, plus she’s way too trusting and naive at times.

it’s balance. but once a character is born in your brain, you just gotta give them love and hopefully others will as well :)

*****

The Meme Test

my most recent advice is: if you can meme a character or dynamic between characters, you know you’re gucci. imma leave a meme here for a fic i’m working on and ya’ll will have no clue what it means but whatever it’s a point

*****

so hopefully this has answered any questions you have. this is all just my opinion and if you disagree with what i’ve said thats chill. at the end of the day this is what works for me and i urge you to find what works for you. there’s no one clear way to write.

good luck writer bubs :) 

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[shawnmend-yes]

I know you know it

Exams were just around the corner and needless to say you were practically a ball of frayed nerves ready to catch alight at any given moment. Anything could set you off, when you became stressed you tended to verge towards extremes. Whether it was laughing to the point you wet yourself or crying over a misspelt word on a revision card. The revision cards you had brought the second week of term, but did you start revising then? Of course not and my god were you paying for it now.

Sitting up to the countertop of your small student flat was a nightmare, the harder you tried to focus the more distracted you became. You couldn’t help but listen to the click of the clock and count down how many hours you could theoretically do that night if you focused right now. An old habit you developed on the sleepless nights, thinking about how much sleep you could get if you just dropped off right that second, which of course only ever stressed you out more over how little time you had left.

You groan as you flick to the next card to be met with yet another in the hundreds of case studies that you had to remember. If you even wanted a chance at passing this year.

“Want me to test you again?” Shawn asks, glancing over at you from his spot on the sofa. You’d almost forgotten he was there. You told him it wouldn’t be worth coming over today, even your roommate knew to escape when you got like this but he had insisted and for the most part he barely said a word. Only stopping to make you a fresh drink or toss a few words of encouragement into the mix when you got really desperate.

You scowl as you take another sip from your water bottle. “Nope.” He doesn’t reply to your snappy tone, instead just pausing the show he was watching and crossing the space to meet you. “Nothings working, ive tried everything shawn. Everything.” You mutter, chewing the inside of your cheek and rubbing your eyes.

“Its okay, maybe you just need a rest.” He says softly, but quickly raising his hands in surrender when he meets your eye. “Or we can try something else…”

“Ive done flashcards, posters, essays, videos, quizzes, tests,” you state, ticking them off on your fingers as your voice raises with each admission, until you bury your head in your hands. “Theres nothing else I can do.” You let him rub soothing circles into your palm with his thumb for a few moments before shaking him off and picking up your cards again.

“Whats the chorus of queen?” He blurts, swiping your bottle off the counter and padding to the kitchen to refill it from the taps.

“who crowned you queen of, you think your too cool, making beautiful look ugly” you reply automatically, shooting him a confused look as you try to make the sentence in front of you stick.

You can see the wheels of his head turning as he played the song through in his head, a smile toying with the corner of his mouth when he realised you had got them spot on. “And the first line of like to be you?”

“Shawn, I really need to get this work done.” You reply turning your full attention back to the traffic light beacon card, seriously you needed to rethink the colour schemes on this one. It could probably be seen from space.

He covers the top of your notecard with his fingertips preventing you from reading the majority of information, “Come on- please?” he pleads, holding your gaze with excited eyes.

“Don’t cry or do, whatever makes you comfortable.”  You sigh, tilting the cards out from under his grasp and pulling them closer towards you.

“okay and-“

“NO shawn, I will literally rip my eyeballs out my skull and throw them at you. I NEED to learn this. Please” you interrupt only half joking, because at least if you didn’t have eyeballs anymore you wouldn’t have to take this stupid test.

“wait, just, trust me, whats the last line of nervous?” He pleads, reaching across to grab your hand, which your quick to withdraw. “I know you know it” he smirks, “come on. Tell me.” He mumurs, a challenge gleaming in his eye as he leans forward and pokes you gently in the cheek as if he could force the words out of your mouth or at least get you to crack a smile.

“I don’t have time to stroke your ego okay?” you scream at him, causing him to recoil away from you. “If your not going to help then just fucking leave.” You watch the shock run across his face, lips parting as he sucks in a breath but you maintain eye contact. Part of you immediately wants to take it back, to lean forward and promise you didn’t mean it. But instead your eyes follow him to the door, and continue to stare at the now empty corridor outside it. Empty as your brain.

You don’t so much as hear the bang of the door swinging shut as feel it, a jolt in your bones bringing you back to the moment. You give yourself a moment to process what happened before you begin to reason with yourself. The Yerkes Dobson curve showed that moderate levels of anxiety can help with your memory, and while you felt guilty for thinking it you were gripping to that excuse as tightly as you could. Wrapping it around yourself like a security net, because not only did it prove that you knew at least one thing for your psychology test in a few days but it also gave you an excuse to not chase after him.

You twist yourself back round to the notecards lying in front of you, blinking as the words begin to crawl across the page to form undistinguished squiggles. After a few minutes of staring blankly at the same green notecard you throw it across the room. Pavlov was an asshole anyway, you didn’t want to remember someone like him. Slouching down you press your forehead to the table and imagine your body absorbing the cold into your blood as it pumps around your body. The feeling relaxes areas of your brain that you weren’t even aware you had and you can feel the tightness behind your eyes begin to fade.

The moment is interrupted too soon by a soft thud, which you assume is the door. You weren’t expecting anyone, your roommate was supposed to be staying at a friends for the night in an attempt to give you space to revise and shawn… well shawn had left. Part of you was curious but you couldn’t bring yourself to move from your spot on the table. Even if it was a murderer they wouldn’t have to wait long before you would drown in your own salty tears. Might as well let them get on with it. “If you’re going to kill me make it quick, least I wont have to do exams”

When no reply comes your curiosity is peaked, you tilt your head to the side to be met with a mildly amused shawn, pulling on the edge of the strap wrapped around his shoulder. He arches an eyebrow at you prompting you to explain your current situation. “Im absorbing the information” you mumble, face still pressed against the cool countertop as you listen to the padding of shawns socked feet coming towards you.

He doesn’t say anything, instead shifting the strap once again and pulling the attached object in front of him. “Brought my guitar.” He states, unzipping the case and placing it on the sofa across from you.

You watch him settle into the space and strum the guitar lightly, odd fragments of melody spilling from his mind as he checks the tuning of each string before hes satisfied. Your mind is grateful for the distraction as you follow the movement of his swallow tattoo, you could almost imagine it was flying gracefully across his hand to peck the strings with its beak in a series of fluid swoops back and forth. You open your mouth to protest when the sounds stop trinkling out as shawn sets the guitar at his side and propels himself over to you.

“ You’re doing it wrong,” he whispers, perching on the stool next to yours as you peel yourself off the table to look at him. “You’re trying so hard to be what everyone else is saying you should be that you’ve completely forgotten who you are. You’re the person who knows a lyric to fit every sentence, the missing words to every chord. You could recite most of my songs backwards in your sleep.” You squint at him, trying to decipher exactly what his point is.  “We just have to play to your strengths.”

“And how exactly are we going to do that?” you ask, rubbing the inner corners of your eyes with your pinky fingers in attempt to remove the sleep that you know must be hiding there, as shawn stands in front of you.

He grabs onto your hands, tugging you softly against him so he can drop a kiss onto the top of your forehead before leading you over to the sofa. “We’re gonna write a song.”

[lookwhatilost]

cool, i have an hour to kill so im jst going to answer this dumb ask meme that i saw on my dash under a cut, bc i definitely do not have enough followers to engage w stuff like this the normal way

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  spotify

is your room messy or clean? messy

what color are your eyes? brown

do you like your name? why? i’ve hated it for as long as i can remember. thinking it’s jst the combination of it being an unusual first name, being picked on for it a lot bc kids are mean, and having everyone around me insist that i’d love my name come adulthood bc it never ended up happening. i still want to change it legally but i have to figure out something i won’t tire of. “jackie” is working for now but idk abt committing to that one

what is your relationship status? disinterested

describe your personality in 3 words or less turbulent

what color hair do you have? dark brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? blue honda civic

where do you shop? forever 21, h&m, a few places online

how would you describe your style? trying too hard

favorite social media account i like kbnoswag on twitter lmao

what size bed do you have? queen

any siblings? jst col and my two step sisters

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? probably anchorage bc it’s scenic, the housing/rental market is abt the same as it is here, but the wages tend to be higher

favorite snapchat filter? when they make special versions of the dog filter for different holidays... i love those

favorite makeup brand(s) nyx mainly

how many times a week do you shower? i do it every day but if im in a shitty place mentally, i wont on my days off

favorite tv show? bojack horseman

shoe size? 9

how tall are you? 5′7″

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? i work out but i dnt go to a gym bc i’ve always had exercise equipment at home and my apartment has a fitness center, so i cant justify paying for a membership

describe your dream date i dream abt other things

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? $70

what color socks are you wearing? blue

how many pillows do you sleep with? 4 bc i love only using 2 and then kicking the other ones off my bed somehow when im asleep

do you have a job? what do you do? yeah, i’ve been doing hair for 4 odd years now

how many friends do you have? a decent handful but i only consider myself very close w two of them

whats the worst thing you have ever done? a lot probably but nothing rly sticks out to me as the objective “worst”

whats your favorite candle scent? yankee candle makes one called “golden sands” and i like that one a lot

3 favorite boy names/3 favorite girl names for various rzns i’d rather not answer the baby names question. pass

favorite actor? i can’t think of one off the top of my head, but i like jim carrey a lot

favorite actress? amy adams!

who is your celebrity crush? i’m not invested in famous ppl like that, but if you asked me this when i was 12, i’d have said pete wentz lmfao. probably my only one ever

favorite movie? this is hard lol. arrival, interstellar, and gone girl come to mind, though

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i do. difficult to pick favorites bc i like more nonfiction stuff... i liked a brief history of time a lot

money or brains? brains. i have my own money

do you have a nickname? what is it? jackie is technically a nickname i guess. fati calls me “salvadore” and i hate it w a passion

how many times have you been to the hospital? a lot but i’ve only stayed there for an extended period 3 times

top 10 favorite songs stop they’re all special to me in different ways... 

do you take any medications daily? i did for a while

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) oily

what is your biggest fear? nothing that hasn’t already happened lol

how many kids do you want? none

whats your go to hair style? i cut it into a bob periodically and let it grow out until it annoys me, rinse and repeat til i die

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) average?

who is your role model? no one. all people are jst people

what was the last compliment you received? probably someone calling me smart or something. i hear it a lot but i dnt rly believe it

what was the last text you sent? “yes binch”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? probably pretty young if i was ever lead to believe it period. i dnt remember ever having any faith in that

what is your dream car? i had my dream car and it was more of a hassle than anything. a good metaphor for life, probably

opinion on smoking? cigarettes? do whatever you want. weed? do whatever you want, but stop saying it cures cancer. meth/crack? maybe you should chill

do you go to college? that didn’t work out

what is your dream job? being able to sustain myself without one

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs definitely. lived in rural areas before. driving 30 minutes one way to the grocery store is not something i ever feel inclined to experience again.

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? depends on what they are

do you have freckles? yes

do you smile for pictures? only when my mom makes me

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 2377

have you ever peed in the woods? no

do you still watch cartoons? i mean bojack is a cartoon. but ones for children, no

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? stan wendy

Favorite dipping sauce? chick fil a sauce

what do you wear to bed? long old tshirt and this jacket i have from middle school typically lol. i have 3 actual pairs of pajamas though

have you ever won a spelling bee? i’ve never had an opportunity to even enroll in one. my schools never ran them

what are your hobbies? i read and write a lot, still trying to kill the rolling stone 500 albums list, i paint sometimes, jst general Bitch Desperate For Escapism things

can you draw? i used to a lot more than i do now but i’m still halfway decent at it

do you play an instrument? guitar & bass. i’m better at bass. i’m better at guitar hero but that dznt count

what was the last concert you saw? fall out boy i think? i’m having trouble remembering if that was before or after roger waters

tea or coffee? both but tea is a little easier to make so i drink more of it

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? bux. jesus christ

do you want to get married? not planning on it

what is your crush’s first and last initial? i’m too disillusioned to feel that way abt ppl rn

are you going to change your last name when you get married? definitely not

what color looks best on you? pastels

do you miss anyone right now? yeah but it dznt matter

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed

do you believe in ghosts? absolutely

what is your biggest pet peeve? when customers make a scissor cutting motion w their hands when they’re describing their haircut to me. it’s sooooo weird and stupid and idg why so many people do it

last person you called` ian

favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? i hate sprinkles bc they are pointless

what shirt are you wearing? a tank top

what is your phone background? my lock screen is a pic i took of the lacey street theater in fairbanks the first time i was there. my background is a pic i took in denali when i was there w ian

are you outgoing or shy? i want to socialize but i dnt know how. shy i guess?

do you like it when people play with your hair? no, honestly i find it rly unpleasant

do you like your neighbors? katie and alexis are the best drinking buddies anyone could ask for. isaac is great. everyone else i could take or leave

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? yes and both

have you ever been high? yeah

have you ever been drunk? constantly

last thing you ate? 1/2 of a jimmy johns veggie club

favorite lyrics right now uhhhh idk i dnt get stuck on music like that

summer or winter? winter

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? i dnt rly like chocolate

favorite month? october

what is your zodiac sign gemini

who was the last person you cried in front of? ian

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: Hearts of Steel (ch. 1 of 3)

Len heads back to his Earth, temporarily, with Sara by his side. But fixing what he'd left behind won't be easy, and sometimes the idea of "home" is more complicated than it seems.

This will be the last story in this series, with this version of Leonard Snart, for a while. I hope you've enjoyed it. I have!

Many thanks to @larielromeniel for the beta. There will be three parts, but all three are already done and beta'd. Can also be read here at AO3.

Now he’s stronger than you know A heart of steel starts to grow

(“Superheroes,” The Script)

“Are you sure I need to wear this?” Sara stares into the mirror, inspecting the white domino mask that covers part of her face. It’s simple and fits perfectly, just like her White Canary outfit, but she hasn’t worn a mask since…well, before she died. The first time.

Len appears besides her, and they both regard their reflections. He’s in his full uniform, the one he’d been wearing way back when they’d found him, the sleeveless black jumpsuit and the white and blue hooded, sleeveless jacket over it. He also has a metallic blue mask much like her white one, and two pairs of blue eyes met in the mirror in silent understanding.

“You can do away with it if you want,” Len tells her, earning a yelp of protest from Cisco Ramon, who’d designed said mask and is waiting nearby for the right moment to use his breaching talents and send them over to Len’s Earth. “But just because I’m not aware of a doppelgänger of you on my Earth doesn’t mean there isn’t one. And if she’s a civilian…”

“Yeah. Let’s not mess things up for her. If she exists.” Sara eyes him. “People pay that much attention?”

“Oh, hell yeah.” Len steps away from the mirror with a sigh. “Especially with the Justice League, there are people who devote waaayyyy too much time and effort to following the usual slate of heroes. Blogs, social media, the whole nine yards. They see a newcomer, ‘specially one as…ah, notable as you, your pic’s gonna end up out there.”

He shrugs, adjusting his own mask. “It draws attention, but it’s protective coloration, in a way. People don’t look past the outfit. And once you’ve…hmm…changed your narrative, people tend to buy into it. They look at you as a story, not a person.”

He sounds almost unsettled, despite the assurances, and Sara draws closer again, thinking about what she knows about his life on his Earth.

“Aw, Len, do you have Cold groupies?” she teases gently, trying to draw him out of the mood. “Girls wearing goggles and trying to take selfies with you?”

That earns her a smirk. “And guys,” he drawls. “I’m an equal opportunity hero.”

Sara snorts. “I bet.”

“All right, people.” They’re interrupted by Wells, who strides into the room with Caitlin and Barry. “We’re good to go here. Mr. Snart? Let me fill you in on these.”

Len sets his shoulders and turns to face the trio as Cisco moves over to join them. Sara, turning with him, studies them too.

Caitlin winks at her, but Wells is already proceeding, reaching into his pocket to pull out…an ordinary pharmaceutical bottle.

Len frowns at it. “This is…”

“I told you we were working on using nanites to target the alien—by which I mean, strange, not extraterrestrial—parts of the DNA,” Caitlin tells him.

“The tech is in these capsules.” Wells gives the bottle a shake. It rattles. “They just need to swallow one. It will take a little time—not too long, but not immediate—and there may be unpleasant side effects while it works, but it will work.”

Len stares at the bottle, then lets out a gusty sigh, reaching out to take it with a muttered and fervent “thank you.” Wells lets go, an understanding look very briefly flickering over his face as he nods.

“There are three in there,” he tells Len. “I know you said you didn’t want one. But…just in case.”

Len regards the bottle another moment, then nods, pocketing it. Then he glances at Sara. “So. I guess it’s time to go.”

Sara nods, turning to look around, as if the team had somehow managed to sneak in behind them. “It seems weird not to have the others here. I thought they’d…well.”

She’d actually declared a vacation for the Legends while they’d waited for Wells and Caitlin to work out the puzzle, and the team had scattered, at least somewhat. (Sara and Len had mostly stayed on the ship, except for working with Team Flash and meeting up with Sara’s mother, which had been memorable.) Sara knows that Ray and Nate had gone back to Star City for at least a few days, and Jax and Martin are with their families here. Mick and Amaya had hung around with Len and Sara, for a bit—Sara, amused, doesn’t mention the words “double-date”—but they’ve vanished too.

She hoped they’d be back in time for this. She’d called the team’s phones, with no luck, but they hadn’t had a ton of notice, and there’s no point in waiting. Still…

“Boss!”

Both Sara and Len turn, then give each other wry smiles as they notice the other’s reaction. Then they watch Mick as he saunters into the room, Amaya with him.

“Were you talking to me or him?” Sara asks her unofficial second with amusement as he stops in front of her.

“Yes.” Mick smirks at her, then looks at Len. “Sorry. Rest of the team, they didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. So. Said I’d, uh…what’d Haircut say? Yeah, ‘convey their well-wishes.” He nods, looking satisfied, then glancing at Amaya and back at Len.

“Won’t say ‘be careful,’ ‘cause I know you won’t, but…” He hesitates. “Eh. Don’t let me…him…oh hell, whatever, you get it. Don’t let him shove you around. From what you said, he’s pretty much me at a… certain part of my life. Angry at the world.” He glances at Amaya again. “Doesn’t know there’s…more. Doesn’t think it’s for him if he does. Hope you can tell ‘im otherwise.”

It’s incredibly eloquent for Mick, who Len knows struggles with words sometimes even though he’s far smarter than most people give him credit for. He nods, then reaches out to grasp the other man’s arm, a brief gesture that’s still a departure for them. Micks nods back, once, then turns to Sara.

Len eyes Amaya, who smiles back at him. He likes her, this woman out of time, though he’s neglected to tell her that he’s also met (and flirted with) her granddaughter from his Earth.

“Godspeed,” she tells him. “And come back soon and safe.”

“We’ll do our best.”

Mick and Sara have now finished saying whatever they had to say to each other, and Sara and Len lock eyes, then turn, taking in the sight of the bemused Team Flash watching them all.

“This,” Cisco breathes, “is weird.”

Barry’s grinning, though. “You guys be safe,” he adds. “Say hi to my doppelgänger.”

“He ain’t much like you. But if I see him…” Len’s more likely to snark and sass, and they both know it. “Well. Something like that.”

Cisco claps his hands together briskly then. “OK, well, as utterly bizarre—and weirdly entertaining--as it is to witness all these…feelings…from people who once tried to kill me, sort of, I think it’s time to get this show on the road. Ready?”

“Sorry, Nerd Boy,” Mick rumbles at him, even at Len and Sara glance at each other again.

“Let’s go,” Len says with a sigh, then scans the room. “Ah. I don’t…I’m not…just…” He shrugs again. “Thank you all.”

Among the murmured chorus of “welcomes,” Cisco raises his hands and the air…splits.

“I’ll open it again in 12 hours,” he tells them. “And then every hour on the hour after until it hits a full day.”

“After that,” Mick informs them then, arms crossed and an expression that says he won’t be countermanded on this, not by either “boss,” “we come looking for you.”

Sara and Len exchange a look—presumably both imaging the kind of chaos that could cause—but don’t argue. If it goes that long, Len knows, they’ll need the help.

When the breach is big enough to admit two people, Cisco nods to them, and Len takes a deep breath, looking at Sara. He thinks about reaching out to take her hand, but something stops him. It’s one thing to kiss her in front of the massed teams here, but he doesn’t know precisely where they’ll be breaching into on his Earth, and he doesn’t want to make her a target…

So, instead, he just nods to her, and heads for the breach, not looking back.

The first thing Sara thinks about Len’s Earth is that the light looks different. The light and the colors; they seem somehow brighter, and for the first few minutes, everything seems a little…flat. But she blinks and it’s back to her normal, and her eyes quickly grow accustomed to the light.

They’ve emerged in what seems to be an ordinary alley, and there’s no one else around. Sara glances at Len and sees him staring up at the sky, just visible through the taller buildings around them.

As if feeling her gaze upon him, the man in question lowers his own gaze and regards her. He looks unsettled…a strange mix of glad and worried. Sara holds the gaze, trying to convey support, then speaks.

“Do you have any idea where we are?” she asks quietly.

Len visibly shakes his distraction off. “Not precisely. Will, though. All I need is a better look.” He squares his shoulders, then heads for the place where the alley opens to the street. Sara follows.

Not so far from city center. It seems vaguely odd to just about see the city map unfolding in his head, given that the other Central City is different in so many ways big and small, and Len takes a deep breath, reminding himself that although so many things about this place feel like home, he’s leaving. He’s going back to Sara’s Earth. He’s…

He’s home?

It’s in his blood and his bones, apparently, and won’t be shaken as easily as he’d thought. Len takes another deep and shaky breath, hoping Sara doesn’t notice (let’s be honest, Sara almost certainly notices) and bends his brain to their best plan of attack.

Not that they’ll attack. They’ll almost certainly be defending.

Oh, holy hell, he doesn’t want to face Lisa.

“We’re actually in the right quadrant of the city,” he tells Sara, who’s studying her surroundings with an intent expression and letting him struggle with his thoughts. “Up for a walk? I’m sure my bike is long gone anyway and though we could take public transportation, I’d rather not deal with the hassle.”

Sara’s lips twitch as if at the thought. “Certainly. We should probably check the date.” She hesitates, studying him. “Cisco did say time runs differently on some Earths.”

He’s been trying not to think about that. Ramon had also said he didn’t think this was one of them, but…

“We’ll find a newsstand. Otherwise, best to stick to the back streets, the alleys…”

“The rooftops?” Sara’s voice is wry. She knows he’s not fond of heights, and they’ve squabbled good-naturedly about the value of the heights for either heroes or villains…or Rogues.

“Yeah, yeah.” Len takes another deep breath and nods. “OK, if we somehow get separated…get directions for the intersection of Samuel Street and James Place. There’s a diner there called the Ice Box; I’ll find you.”

“Let’s go.”

A newspaper honor box gives them proof that time here runs just the same as time back on Earth-1. Sara can see Len sigh in relief as he scans the headlines, then glance at her before turning away.

She’s pretty sure he’s finding it more difficult to reconcile his feelings about being back here with his desire to leave than he expected. She gets it, really. Like her and Nanda Parbat, sometimes a place calls to you even though you know it’s not the best thing for you, especially when it was home for years.

She just hopes he doesn’t have second thoughts.

It’s a little surreal to see Len stalking along in his full Earth-52 Captain Cold get-up, but he’d been completely correct. People turn to watch him—them—go, some pulling out cell phones and snapping photos, talking eagerly, loudly enough that Sara can hear their surprise and excitement, if not the precise words beyond “Captain Cold”… and “woman in white.”

She’s an unknown quantity—and probably a valuable one in the currency of information. She ignores the peanut gallery, staying at Len’s side, and eventually he looks at her with a speaking glance, one she returns in understanding.

Time to go underground—figuratively, anyway.

In unison, they both turn off the main roadway into an alleyway, Len leading the way around a corner before their interested audience can follow. He ducks into an alcove with Sara at his heels, and they wait there for a few moments to shake any civilian pursuers before Len steps back out and over to a door across the way.

Well, he can pick locks just as well as Earth-1 Snart. Sara smirks as Len eases the door open in the span of a minute, then follows him into the dark space within, scanning the room as he shuts and locks the door behind them.

Abandoned office building, she guesses. The windows are boarded up, but the dark shapes of desks are still visible in the gloom, a classic cubicle farm redolent of boredom and irritation.

“Len,” she whispers. “What’s up with the ‘Office Space’ set here?”

He sighs, eyeing her as he turns away from the door. “To the right,” is all he says. “Up the stairs.”

“Ahhhh. Rooftops after all.”

“Something like.”

Precisely like, actually. Len’s no roof-runner, not like some heroes he knows, but he also knows the value of changing up their location—whether or not he’ll admit that to Sara since it became a sort of longstanding joke between them.

Not long later, they emerge on the top of the building. Len relocks the door behind them and leads Sara toward the edge. Fortunately for him, though, the buildings in this particular block are so close together that there’s no leaping from site to site…just a bit of climbing and careful navigation. They traverse that set of buildings, then move kitty-corner to another, continuing for another bit until Len drops onto a fire escape, making his way toward the ground.

It’s not nearly so nice an area now. They’re more on the outskirts of the city, not so far from a mostly defunct industrial complex near the river, a complex gradually abandoned as water traffic became less important to the movement of goods throughout the country. Although it’s nearing noon now, there aren’t many people around, and the ones that are minding their own business.

It’s just that kind of area.

Len looks swiftly around once he alights, then ducks over to hug the wall, walking quickly toward the industrial area. Sara is at his heels, and he knows she’s watching his back as he skirts the complex, gradually moving inward, building to building, following the map in his memory.

If they’ve abandoned this safehouse/base…well, Len has more options in mind, a mental list of places he himself set up over the years. He’s relatively sure Mick and Lisa would stick together, united in their challenges—and their hatred of him.

And beyond that, he knows them well enough that he can, he thinks, put together the puzzle and track them down, especially if he deigns to ask for help. But that will take longer, and Sara needs to go back to her Earth and her home, and he…he doesn’t really want to be without her, even briefly.

Startling thought. They’re not joined at the hip, or anything. That's silly. But together, they’re stronger, better, more balanced, a team within a team in so many aspects. Enough so that's he even speculated on...well, seeing if she'd like to formalize that partnership someday, which is even more startling a thought.

But there's no time for such thoughts now. They're approaching the warehouse/safehouse he's deemed the most likely to be Lisa and Mick's base. And the greeting is not likely to be friendly.

Sara can feel the rising tension in Len as they move farther into the complex. Well…it’s understandable, and frankly, she’s not immune. This Earth’s Mick Rory and Lisa Snart have some truly scary abilities, and they won’t look kindly on Len or, she’s pretty sure, anyone with him. At least, not until he tells them his news.

Maybe not even then. Sara might not have a college degree, but she’s been around enough to learn a thing or two about human nature.

The area is deserted, now, silent except for the faint sweep of the breeze and the cries of gulls and sounds of boat engines from the waterfront not so far away. Sara can smell water both moving and standing, that indefinable mix of something crisp and fresh and something ever so slightly rotten, and the whiff of oil and other industrial material once used here. The colors around her flicker and go flat, bright, again briefly as she tails Len through the light and shadow, and she shakes her head, frowning.

After pausing in the shadow of the entry to another cluster of buildings, Len sighs nearly inaudibly and glances at her. He doesn’t have to speak aloud to tell her they may be close. High alert.

Sara nods. They’ve discussed plans already, but they both know that plans rarely survive the first engagement with the…the enemy.

She watches his back as Len pops the massive lock on a door fairly easily (while shaking his head in disapproval) and follows as he moves silently into the building, closing the heavy door behind them. The doorway isn’t the main entry to whatever business had once been housed here, just a rear entrance that leads to what seems to be a small receiving room, and the windows are boarded up, leaving the space in shadow.

But…Sara takes a breath, then a deeper one. There’s not as much dust in the air as she’d think.

Len studies the room but ignores the two closed doors that seems to lead deeper into the complex on this floor. Instead, he steps toward one labeled as a stairwell, looking back to catch Sara’s eye.

She’s in this for better or worse. She nods back, falling into step with him, as they quietly head through the door and then downward, stepping carefully on the dark stairs.

The stairwell goes down two flights, and Len ignores the doorway at the first sublevel and carefully opens the door at the second. The space is now truly dark. Sara’s eyes have become accustomed to the darkness, but it’s still hard to see and she’s not comfortable with the lack of information. She pauses a moment, watching Len, trying to convey that.

He pauses, too, then breathes, “Gotta pass through one more space before I can hit some lights—used to be a cubicle farm for some of the office types. No windows equals less distraction, I guess.” He shakes his head. “And people wonder why I became a crook.”

Sara smirks as she studies him, then nods. Len pushes open the door, and they step through.

It’s not the maze of desks and dividers she expects, though. She gets the impression of a large open space without much cluttering it, even darker than she expected. Len takes another step, then stops.

“Different,” he mutters, and Sara can hear the frown in his voice. He takes another step, then another, and Sara moves closer so they can watch each other’s backs. She draws in a breath, frowning too, then another, swearing she smells the faintest trace of cooking meat.

And a whiff of…

Smoke.

Everything happens at once, then, in the roar of flame and the crackle of ice. Sara gets one good look at this Earth’s Mick Rory as the flames surge and Len steps up, raising his hands to send a responding wave of ice to meet them—but then she drops to the ground and rolls away as the men start yelling at each other, indistinct profanity and deprecations from Mick, attempts at explanation from Len.

Len can handle himself. But if Mick’s here, there’s likely to be someone else as well, and someone needs to watch for her or this whole thing might end quickly, and very badly indeed.

As fire meets ice, steam roils out, and the room gets even harder to see in than before. Sara, glad for her newer boots (which offer improved footing on more than just ice), moves farther away from the elemental battle, listening intently, shaking her collapsed bo out of her sleeve, extending it and then separating it into the two shorter staffs.

Then she closes her eyes, holds her breath and…

There.

Sara ducks, whirls, and brings up a staff to block rather than attack. The steamy air churns around her, and she hears, under everything, a whisper of female laughter, a sound that’s, well, none too sane.

Is there a way of getting through? Sara takes another deep breath, putting her back toward the wall again, lowering the staff a little.

“Lisa,” she says in an intense tone, pitching her voice to be heard even through the chaos. “We’re here to help you. Your brother…he…”

But those words are apparently not the right ones. The whisper of laughter rises into a howl of anger, and Sara ducks and whirls and moves again, blocking, and this time there’s a metallic noise as something connects with her staff.

There are words, in the howl. They might be: “He did this!” They might not.

Sara responds, however, like they were. “He didn’t mean what happened!’ she cries, moving into a guard position again. “He screwed up. Big time. But he’s been looking and looking for a way to help you and…”

Duck, move, block.

“…and we have one. We have one, Lisa. We can help.”

But then the noises behind her change, the rush of ice and the rage of fire muting, and it’s a stupid move, a rookie move, but Sara glances back to make sure Len’s OK, then back in the fraction of a second, long enough for a hand to emerge from the seething, fading steam, heading straight for her.

And then Len’s there, in front of her, and the golden fingers stop a millimeter, no more, from his face. Their owner steps forward.

And Sara gets her first clear look at what’s become of Lisa Snart.

Who calls herself, now and on this Earth, Lady Midas.