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#my job is seen as useless
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tim called elias useless and a waste of a suit as an insult but somehow i feel like he would interpret that as a compliment. he would be like thank you tim that's exactly what i was going for :3
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binnie · 3 months
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you guys.... i'm going down a spiral and I need advice
#my best friend (my favourite person in the world) has been acting kinda distant lately#she's been struggling with depression so I figured she just needed some space#we still talk on instagram every day and send each other reels all the time#but lately I just feel like she's gonna abandon me...#she's growing up and has a job and a boyfriend and is doing well for herself#meanwhile i'm a failure lmao i flunked twice and am still in uni and barely surviving this school year with absoltely no (...)#(...) prospects and hope for the future. on top of that i'm a depedent clingy selfish useless jealous baby#she deserves better than me and she's bound to realize that so i'm not surprised this is happening. but it still hurts.#last night she sent me a message on ig saying she missed me but deleted it immediatly so i didn't have time to respond#which most likely means she meant to send it someone else and sent it to me by mistake#which means she doesn't miss me at all (she could have just kept the message and it'd be no trouble#but the fact she deleted it so quickly without a second thought just means she doesn't care about me#we haven't seen each other in a month so that hurts#i panicked and “replied” saying i missed her too but she left me on read#now she's sending me reels but I can't bring myself to even open our chat because it just hurts#I wish we could just cut the chord and end the friendship at once instead of having me slowly watch it crumble#i hate this#i'm so sad#i'm gonna be all alone#i'm completely isolated from everyone and it's my fault for depending on her so much#it hurts so much I don't even want to see her#i don't know what to do
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popop-maru · 5 months
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#dont read this shit lmao it sucks#that christmas feeling when you realize that one or two good days doesnr break you out of the suicidal funk youve been in for months.#and you realize you really have no accomplishments and nothing in life to be proud of or look forward to.#and you realize you are really a fundamentally unlovable person who has wasted over 20 years of life that others have used to build familied#and you realize it will always be this way because something inside you is just fundamentally broken and undesirable and just.#just useless and completely unneeded by people and by the world at large and that youll never have the life you wanted#you just dont have the tools or the mental fortitude to start over and create the life you wanted for yourself and you never will#and all you have are temporary comforts that have no lasting impact on the world or even on your own life as a whole#and that you are basically just a parasite wasting space and wasting time until you finally die because nobody will ever truly want/need you#even if I got a job today thats really all im doing with my life. just waiting and wasting time and trying to make it more comfortable.#until i finally die and look back and realize thats all I ever did and i didnt even deserve that.#sorry but I feel like I just need to scream into the void even tho I hate being like this online.#but everyone i know has other bigger problems and they dont need to hear this so im just yelling at computer#i just want to be happy and feel fulfilled!! i just want to be loved!! but i am born incapable of these feelings bc i was just.#made wrong#or i made myself this way idk#but something went deeply wrong with my life and Im just stalling until its finally over#bc Im too scared to just end it myself no matter how much i fantasize about it.#this isnt a cry for help or anything I just feel like I need to say it and feel seen before I explode.#anyway I really deeply hate myself and I feel I am fundamentally not human and not deserving of my life#but i still hope maybe you wont unfollow bc maybe this stupid blog made uou smile once#and that maybe that makes you feel a connection idk. thats all i can do. thats all im capable of.#suicidal tw
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moldwood · 10 months
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last post is because whiny rich entitled assholes r moving out here more and more and every time i see a tesla i want to floor it and crash both our cars together in one glorious blaze a final fiery kiss to drive down the average income
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eternalnostos · 2 years
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scorpiontattoo · 3 months
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sitting here fingers fuckin crossed that our mom is srs abt letting us apply to a paid internship over the summer at the place she works bc that money is very sexy step closer to getting away from her. also sorry fuck ton of venting in the tags.
#a lot of her abuse is centered around control and forced dependance#so im nervous she'll realize us making money = us potentially gaining independence from her more than we already have#my main hope though is that this will allow us access to our important documents#like our birth certificate ssn that type of stuff#bc we literally haven't ever even SEEN ours#my learning how to cook and things has also been smth that set her off#this treatment just leaves us feeling so useless i wont lie#like all of our friends have gotten jobs they can drive they know how to do basic tasks#we know how to drive but getting our license is still a fight#we haven't been allowed a job before bc “oh your mother can provide for you just fine why would you want to work for it”#(spoiler she only provides if shes happy with us. she is rarely happy with us. it has lead to us starving for days before bc we literally#weren't allowed to cook)#we don't understand how a lot of really nasic shit works#*basic#and we get made fun of for it a lot#like we're 18... 19 this year in july. but we barely feel like we have the ability to care for ourself#it leads to a lot of dependence on our partners or the people around us and we feel fucking guilty abt that but like#we do not know how to do these things. learning them puts us in danger. i just want us to be able to be a proper adult.#but she has it so deep in our head that we are too stupid for that. and that independence is danger.#i just hope this is a step. i desperately need this to be a step.#vent#derek.txt
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nope-body · 8 months
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#I hate flare ups#I can’t do anything and even when it gets less painful over the day my brain doesn’t work any better#and I emailed two of my professors this morning- one about missing class and one about an extension on an assignment due today#I haven’t heard back from either of them and I don’t know what to do#I cannot complete the assignment before midnight tonight. I would have to comprehend a reading (already hard with brain fog) and then#make connections between that reading and a past one and recall is also difficult with brain fog and making connections is just.#so hard. like I will struggle to understand puns and jokes when I have brain fog this bad and I’m being asked to write 1-2 pages doing that?#I emailed my professor at 10 this morning and i just want to know if it’s okay if I turn it in late because her late policy is so confusing#I’m stressed and I don’t know what to do. which is also probably not helping with the flare up#I just am tired. I want to be granted some flexibility without it being a huge struggle every single time#I want the disability office to reply to my email about my ‘absence verification’ accommodation because I have been told nothing#I want to not be terrified of my grade dropping just because I’m disabled and can’t anticipate when I’ll have a flare up#I want to be able to get out of bed and walk around without pain or worrying about falling#I want to not have to fight for my position within the co-op to be recognized as real and important#I want to not have to be worried about the future of my club because I genuinely don’t know if anyone is going to run for any#board positions and I can’t keep going like this#there is a reason that we are designed to have a minimum of 6 board members. and it’s because 2 people cannot do it alone#apparently being an accessibility coordinator at my co-op is seen as a nothing position because no one knows what the actual job entails#and despite it being vitally important no one is trained very well for it at all and so in general people in this position have been useless#I do not know how to explain to people that I know what I am doing. were we actually trained in conflict mediation? no! can I do it? yes!#were we taught about disability? nope! not at all!! do I know about it? yes!! I am disabled!! I run the disability club!!#I am tired of feeling like i have made everyone uncomfortable by bringing up an accessibility issue#(this happened at the accessibility coordinator meeting by the way. I told them their location wasn’t accessible and it was dead silent.)#I just want to be able to do things and I want that to stop being so hard because I’m disabled and because of ableism#and those are two separate issues and people don’t like hearing that
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etherealkissed88 · 6 months
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applying the law while experiencing the 3d
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why do you accept the neutral 3d as true?
“she texted me saying she doesnt want a relationship”
“i got a rejection letter from my dream college”
“i still dont have my ideal appearance”
“my bank account says i only have $2.45”
-> “i cant manifest” “what should i do now?” “it didnt work”
why are you accepting these as true? why are you adding negative meaning to the neutral 3d and then accepting that you “cant manifest”? why accept that as true? whatever happens in the 3d is always neutral. meaning does not come on its own - you add meaning when you judge it and decide its something negative. you are the only one in power and you have the option to choose what to assume and accept as true and youre accepting that she didnt want to commit? youre accepting that youre broke? it doesnt matter what happens in the 3d because the real stuff is happening in imagination. the 3d is always a neutral illusion. as the only one in power, you chose that she wants you in imagination so stick with that. dont use the 3d as validation when it only follows you.
you always get to choose the meaning
3d -> she sent a text saying she doesnt want a relationship
person A: shit, she doesnt want me. now what? i failed at manifesting
person B: *knows that is only neutral & still knows she and her sp are already in a relationship in imagination*
the fact that you can look at something in the 3d and decide what it means (or stick with the fact that it has no meaning), means you have power over it. you always have power over the 3d. if you didnt, how does law of assumption even exist? how is it possible that a homeless woman can manifest wealth while living in her everyday 3d homeless life? because the 3d never matters. ever. the only thing that matters is who you are being in imagination because that is what constantly is molding the 3d every second.
“but what do i do if the 3d is always in my face?”
1. remember that the 3d is always neutral so whatever happens, doesnt mean anything. it doesnt mean, your getting failing at manifesting. get used to seeing things as neutral. even getting your manifestation is neutral. you are the one adding positive meaning to it. there are even times when “negative” things in the 3d become the actual thing that leads people to their manifestation. an example is a lady’s success story: she was manifesting a better job and in the 3d she lost her current job but that lead to someone recommending her to a higher company since the person knew she lost her previous job. so she experienced something that is usually seen as negative (losing her job) but it caused her to get exactly what she wanted (the better job). this is why we always say: stick to the end, no matter what happens, stay true to what you want in imagination.
2. now that you know everything is neutral, remember that your only job is to assume your desire is fulfilled in imagination only! theres no reason to assume you have it in the 3d if it clearly isnt there. the 3d is neutral and a therefore a dead world. assuming you have something in a dead world is just useless. especially since you know imagination changes the 3d. that means the only goal is to assume its done in imagination and leave the 3d alone! live your normal life in the 3d while knowing its already done in imagination. using the lady’s success story about getting a better job, when she lost her previous job, she had to find another way to pay the bills, but she still stayed true to imagination and remembered she already has her upgraded job. do whatever you need to do in the 3d, feel whatever emotions you have, because the dead world doesnt matter. emotions, actions, etc in the 3d dont matter and remember feelings (angry, depressed, etc) dont manifest. your only job is to know its already done in imagination. since imagination = 3d, of course, by law, the 3d had no choice but to obey imagination where she already had her better job. thats why the 3d reflected that.
kisses, jani ☆
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luveline · 7 months
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Girl pls pls write stripper reader and Spencer where she thinks he would never date her bc she’s a stripper and just a sprinkle of angst with lots of comforting fluff and Spencer reassuring
thank u for requesting! ♡ fem, 1.5k
cw mentioned past domestic/workplace abuse, unhealthy eating habits
Someone broke into my apartment. 9:14AM
Spencer reads the message under the table but forgoes discretion when he registers what it says and who it's from. He excuses himself from the round table, something he isn't even sure he's allowed to do, and hurries out onto the landing. 
You answer on the second dial. "Hey, did you see my text?" you ask. 
"Are you okay?" He squeezes his phone. 
"I'm not sure. I'm fine, but my lock is busted and the door won't stay shut." 
"Where are you?" 
If you're surprised that he's steamrolling, you don't show it. Spencer leaves work to meet you at the coffee shop you've chosen for refuge, your eyes tired, a small bag of your most important possessions hanging on a slumped shoulder. He hugs you straight away. 
"I'm fine," you say into his neck. 
He hugs you tighter. "That's good," he says, feeling useless, fingers stroking little paths into your shoulders. He pictured the worst from your text, and seeing you in person is the only true mitigator. You'll talk down bruises and black eyes —you have in the past. 
He pulls the story from you as you walk back to his apartment, shoulder to shoulder in the cold street. "It was open when I got home, the door, but I did what you asked me to." 
"You didn't go in?" he confirms proudly. 
"Not at first." 
"You really won't call the police?" 
"I texted you." 
Spencer takes the strap of your bag from you and throws it over his own. "I'm not that kind of cop. I'm not really a cop at all." 
"No, you're a fed, which is worse. The girls at work told me to stay away from you." You wipe under your eyes sluggishly. Sleep clings to you like a shadow trailing behind you, ever-present. 
He puts his hand behind your back, worried you'll fall up the steps to his apartment building. "They think I'll what, extort you?" 
You shake your head, something sad in the slow side to side. "Girls like me have no business around guys like you." 
"You probably get too much business from guys like me." 
You laugh, but you both know it's not what you meant. Spencers noticed it more and more lately, nothing so obvious until now, this dead set belief you hold that he's one type of person and you're another. He gets that your work isn't what you wanted for yourself when you were growing up. He knows it isn't easy, even on your 'good' nights. It takes a toll to be seen as you are, nothing left private. But you've always said you liked stripping as much as anyone should like their job. "It's a job," you'd said, having barely known him, tired and hungry, curled up on his couch with nowhere else to go. "Only the luckiest get to really enjoy work. S'why it's called work." 
He'd hoped, perhaps in a self-absorbed way, that  having more support might make you feel better about yourself; he wanted his friendship to give you some confidence, basically. Before you met Spencer there was no one else you could depend on. It's why you stayed working for a man who broke your wrist until Spencer weaselled his way into your life and made you a bed in his living room for the time it took to get you out. His credentials helped, of course, but you survived it because you're resilient. You're awesome. You've done everything you can with what you have and you don't think it's enough. 
You and Spencer take the elevator to his floor, and for the twenty seconds it takes to get there, you let your cheek rest on his shoulder. He's just about to drop his head on top of yours when the doors open, and the slice of quiet you'd both savoured slips like sand between his fingers. 
"I can go back and get some of your stuff," he offers, guiding you the short walk to his door. He passes you the key rather than struggle with the lock himself. 
Your hand shakes as you push down the handle. "There's nothing worth going back for." 
"Don't say that, you have all your clothes there, your couch. You have things. I'll take my car." 
"You hate driving." 
"I'd hate someone robbing you even more." 
"Robbing me again," you correct, holding the door for him. 
You didn't have anything worth the trouble, it seems. You keep your savings in a locked box hidden in the bathroom that they couldn't find, and though your apartment is clean and bigger than the one you lived in before Spencer met you, it's mostly empty. You don't have a TV, you're not a collector. They took the radio off of the refrigerator, your microwave oven, and a box of cosmetic jewellery worth chapel change. 
"But it's your stuff. You deserve to have stuff." Spencer drops your bag gently and his with less care by the door. 
"It's only until the locksmith can come tomorrow," you say with a yawn. "Let the junkies lavish in my stuff for the next twenty hours." 
"That's not a problem for you?" 
"I don't have the luxury of that being a problem for me, Spence. What am I supposed to do? The locksmith can't come–" 
"There are a hundred locksmiths." 
"Not that I can afford." You shrug out of your jacket. "Spence, listen to me. It's okay. I can't ask you to do that, anyways. You've done more than enough for me already," you say, sitting on the couch. You perch for a moment like you're trying to be polite until fatigue overtakes you, and you sink into the cushions with a relieved sigh. 
Spencer crosses the space between you and kneels by your feet to untie your shoelaces. 
"Don't do that," you mumble, hand over your mouth as a second yawn in as many minutes catches you. 
"Why not?" He slips your shoes off, letting his hand rest on your ankle. "Wanna watch that weird cooking show–" 
"Why aren't you at work?" 
He climbs onto the couch next to you, unafraid to sit shoulder to shoulder. "You were having an emergency." 
You rub your face with both hand. "I knew I shouldn't have called you. You can't just leave work because of me, Spencer, what if you get in trouble?" 
"Someone I care about needed my help, and Hotch understands that." Spencer puts on his big boy pants with a wince. "Do you get that?" 
"I don't really… I don't…" You falter. "We're never going to work. You'll never…" 
"I'll never what?" he asks insistently, voice lilting up with a little incredulity. He can't help it.
You refuse to answer, turning your face from his. 
Spencer knows what you're going to say. He's bad with girls but he's good at recognising human emotion; he sees the same insecurity in himself as he does in you. He knows the feeling. 
You're not right, is the thing. 
Spencer would kiss you if he thought that would change your mind. But tired as you are, angry with yourself, defeated, he knows it's not a good idea. He takes your hand instead, sewing your fingers together with a deliberate slowness. He brings his other hand to them and strokes the back of your index finger with his thumb, careful not to disrupt your press on nails. He knows they have a tendency to come off with too much pressure, and you're always losing your glue. 
"If they really need me to go, they'll call me. But I'm staying here." His thumb moves down to your knuckle. You have little calluses and cuts and bruises everywhere from dancing. He's seen the contusions that line your thighs on a semi permanent basis. "When was the last time you had something to eat?"
"Spencer," you murmur. 
"Let me take care of you, please," he says, hand curling around your wrist with extreme gentleness. "You need to eat. You need to sleep. Let me worry about everything else for once, I want to." 
You still don't look at him, but you sink down an inch at a time until your cheek is on his shoulder again, like it had been in the elevator. Hesitant, you wrap your arm around his stomach. 
"I'm so stupid," you say. 
He wonders if that's a placeholder for what you really want to say. You think so little of yourself sometimes, but it's like you've told him before. Not everyone has the luxury of enjoying their job. 
"You're amazing." Spencer feels like he's on fire everywhere that your skin touches him. Is he saying the right things? "You are. You're the only person who doesn't see that." 
"The only person here, maybe." 
"You should always be here, then. With me. That way I can remind you." 
You sound more like yourself when you answer, though tiredness lines every word, "Thank you, Spencer. I don't deserve you." 
"Yes, you do."
Spencer rubs your hand until you fall asleep, and then he buys you a new toaster oven on his phone, and an industrial security lock. He doesn't know what it'll take to convince you that you deserve him, you deserve better, but he's gonna try. 
He presses his cheek to your temple and focuses on the softness of your skin where it touches his.  
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some-pers0n · 2 months
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🦂 dragonflamedyke Follow
why are icewings like that
🦂 dragonflamedyke Follow
"oh ho hoo! i love living in my giant mansion built from the poor disabled dragons (that i hate because theyre poor and disabled). i am soooo much better than all of the other dragons from the other tribes because i am civilized and more proper than those barbarians. we installed a system where we hate the poor and disabled dragons and make them go fight in wars while the rest of us sit around and laugh and mock the ones at the bottom for being useless and dumb and having empathy. we never even leave because we hate other dragons so much and think theyre inferior in every conceivable way. it is better to stay in our big mansions and eata the ice all day than to go outside"
🌫️ iceyspicey-deactivated49970701
This is the reason why we "never leave" because we are always subjected to stereotypes like this. I'm sorry that our tribe are the only ones who are proper enough that the rest of you cannot possibly comprehend it. Because of our society, the circles help form a more efficient tribe. The ones who aren't able to provide as much go to the outskirts, where they're then tasked with basic, easy jobs that anybody can do. It's the most us higher circle dragons can offer them, as they're too sensitive and weak to truly fight in war or participate in such a world. Then, we sort the more capable dragons into higher circles as they are more intelligent, athletic, and less prone to emotional instability and potentially risk our entire army. The highest get rewarded for their abilities and are given lives of luxury as they truly earn it, while those who don't try or push themselves enough are given what they deserve.
But, to the rest of the world, we are seen as "pompous" and "haughty" for being more orderly. Called arrogant and made a mockery of. Reduced to this archetype.
🐗 mud-blood Follow
I eata the ice yum
🌫️ iceyspicey-deactivated49970701
Are you serious right now? After all I just said? You're still mocking the IceWings? I hate this site so much.
🦐 blubloobybi Follow
I eata the ice yum
🦎 geckothegaywing Follow
THEY DEACTIVATED LOL
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🦂 dragonflamedyke Follow
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bettysupremacy · 3 months
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hi love ! could you write a fluff!rafe where the reader is a workaholic and ends up getting a cold and rafe takes care of her? 💌🍄
my boyfriend!!!!!!!
“I need to go in today.”
You gaze at Rafe, who returns your stare. It feels futile, yet you persist. You try to sit up, pulling the covers off your legs, but retreat under them when the overhead fan reaches. A dull ache permeates your body. The cold seeps into you, but the blanket is suffocating. Your body feels warm, but the air is biting.
You concede. “Nevermind.”
“Yeah.” Rafe moves to help you gently, he’s fixing the blanket.
“It’s fine.”
“Seriously,” Rafe warns suddenly. “I’m gonna make you cut your shifts down.”
“But-“
“No, this is a ‘I want to pass the time’ job, and you’re treating it like you’re employee of the month.” He’s annoyed, with you surely. “Shit, are you employee of the month?”
You frown, ignoring his question. He’s right. Though, he usually is. He already provides for you through the big money of the company his father passed down, you just don’t wanna be bored. You don’t want to contribute nothing, and you’re treating it like there’s rent to pay and mouths to feed. Well, there is, but not in the demand you
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he huffs. “I just can’t stand seeing you like this.”
“I know.”
He helps you sit, moving the pillows behind you. Your chest feels fuzzy and so do your eyes. Dully, your nausea makes you cough.
“I’m nauseous.” You tell him.
“Jeez.” He murmurs, his eyes round and concerned. “You want zofran?”
“Yes.” You whisper.
Tears pool in your eyes as he sits up, collecting at your eyelashes as you try to blink them away. You bring your hand to swipe at them, sniffling. Rafe’s brain lags.
“What?” He asks, kneeling down again, hands in desperate search of your face. “Baby, what?”
“I’m embarrassed.” You cry.
“Why?” His rough hands swipe at your tears gently. “Everyone gets sick.”
You turn away from him,
“If this is about me being upset earlier, I swear it wasn’t at you.” He stresses. “I-I had a bad day, and seeing you’ve succumbed to illness makes me sad.”
You giggle wetly. “Succumbed to illness.”
He beams proudly. “I knew that would get a laugh.”
You smile up at him, fever working through your veins slowly. You shake again miserably, working yourself up into a fit of fat tears. They roll down the hills of your cheek heavily, pooling under your chin. You blink out three at once and Rafe nearly has a conniption. Why are you crying?
“It’s not.”
He works his hand over your hair, gently, but not cautiously. “Then what?” He pleads. “Help me understand.”
“I just love you.”
“You’re crying because you love me?”
“I don’t feel good.” You correct.
“You don’t feel good?”
“And I love you,” You admit. “but you’re here,” You moan. “seeing me like this, and you’re so pretty.”
He laughs, quickly recovering to a sympathetic face when you frown at him.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” He soothes, lips near your ear. “Sometimes I look at you and I want to cry.”
“But you never do.” You wallow.
“Have you ever seen me cry?”
“Once.”
“Forget that.” He grimaces. “The point is, you’re stressed and sick.”
“I don’t see the point.” You murmur.
“You’re vulnerable right now, to your.. feelings. If I were sick, and stressed, and I saw you, I think I might cry too.”
“No you wouldn’t.”
“Did the people cry when the angels came down in the Bible?”
“Did the angels.. come down?” You ask. “I’ve never read it.”
“I’m not sure.”
You laugh. “Maybe we should ask Scar.”
“Scar?”
“She’s smart.”
“I think she’s Jewish.”
“So?”
“Different book, my love.”
“Duh, I’m not that sick.” You laugh. It drips with sticky sticky cough syrup. “But still, she’s smart, maybe she’ll know.”
Rafe sighs lovingly. “Maybe. We got off track.”
“We always do.”
Rafe snorts. “You’re feeling better.”
“Get on track.”
“I don’t remember the point I was making with angels.”
You laugh, tilting your head up to look at him. “You’re useless.”
“Abominable girl.” He chastises, sitting up anyways.
“Go get me medicine.” You’re smiling. “Useless, useless doctor.”
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readychilledwine · 3 months
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Small World Pt 2
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Summary - After discovering you and Azriel share much more than a mating bond, your relationship grows stronger as tensions between you and your aunt seem to grow higher.
Warnings - implied emotional and mental abuse, second child syndrome in a not good way, we find out Nyx is an asshole, unrequited love, slight smut, use of daddy
A/n - a potentially cliff hanger ending because I haven't decided 100% how this ends
Peep Part 1 Here 💙
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Azriel stared at the dress box sitting on Rhysand's desk and nicely folded Illyrian leathers. He couldn't remember the last time he had worn them. The last time he had used a siphon. The leathers were fitted for 7, something Azriel immediately knew would no longer work.
His powers after removing the precious stones had gone wild. His shadows were different now. They were more aware, able to span wider distances, and able to recruit more shadows into his network to join them.
He had spent 5 years alone meditating and learning even more control over them, over what they could do, over how deadly they actually could be.
7 siphons would not be enough.
And he didn't understand how Rhysand did not see that.
He finally spoke, gesturing to the box. "What is this?"
Rhys was settled in his chair, trying to maintain his composure as Cassian stood near the bookshelf to mediate if needed. "We're going to the Court of Nightmares. My daughter's engagement has spread like wildfire, and dear Keir wants to host a party in her honor."
A breathy chuckle left Azriel's lips before he could stop it. "So my fiancée will be dressed like a goddess while I am in leathers at a party to mock us?"
Cassian shifted slightly. "We've always worn leathers to Hewn City, Az. It's to honor our heritage." Rhys just inclined his head to Cassian and nodded. "Y/n wears leathers."
"She has never worn a single set in the 2 years we've been together. There isn't even a set in her closet."
"There's several sets in her closet here," Rhys said quietly. "All set up for pink siphons. 14 of them." Cassian and Azriel couldn't help their chuckles. "Imagine a blonde Illyrian with pink siphons, Azriel, its quite the sight." Rhys smiled fondly, eyes glimmering with pride despite everything. "She's-" he looked up, searching for the perfect word for his daughter. "She's my everything. And I've done a horrible job showing her that."
Azriel sucked in a deep breath. "I won't mediate this, Rhys. This is a you two thing. Not an us three thing."
Azriel knew now why you were estranged from your family. Nyx was their golden child. Constantly praised, admired, in the spotlight. He was, and still is, their reminder of how they had almost died to pass along their love. He could do no wrong, never be wrong, and was treated as such.
You, on the other hand, were the second child. The significantly younger one Nyx learned to plant blame on and watch as you were scolded and seen as "the problem" as you had told him you were now addressed as in Hewn City and Illyria. You had been raised by Ness more than Feyre and Rhys, passed off to them until your powers bloomed at 16, and suddenly your father found you interesting again. With a lack of a spymaster, he exploited you, forcing you to touch people and feel their emotions, when they lied, their stories. Forcing you to live trauma over and over of females clipped in the mountains, of tortured traitors in dungeons, of Nesta's dark phase.
You locked your powers so far away one day, so deep inside you that even you hardly could access them unless you actually wanted to. It had been just before your 18th birthday that happened. And then the fight that sealed the casket happened. Rhys had verbally lashed you. Attacked you for refusing to let him use your "one worth" to keeping his family and court safe.
Your father had said he saw you as useless, and everyone else just stood by watching.
Like they had with Nesta.
Only you were just a child. Not a head strong warrior, a goddess in fae form.
You packed the basics and spent the night on the streets in a dark alley.
Even if you and Rhys magically fixed things, even if you forgave but not forgot, Azriel would never. How you were raised, how you've been treated, it forever will taint his vision of Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx. The abuse they unleashed on you, they'd never make up for.
Rhys nodded, eyes glancing to the doorway as footsteps approached. "I would never ask you to fix my relationship with her when I need to fix my relationship with you as well. I just need you to know I love her. That she will always be my girl."
"You have an odd way of showing her your lo-"
The door opened, and you stepped in, immediately going to Azriel's side and eyeing the box. "Dad. Cassian." You opened the lid and nodded. "Well. At least it's sparkly."
Rhys cocked his head. "You don't like it?"
Azriel watched as you paused. The bond flared with conflicting emotions. Anger, hurt, longing. How long had it been since Rhys held you? Since he told you he loved you without you having to earn it. "No, I like it. I just know what this means. You never give me nice things unless Hewn City is involved." The last sentence trailed off quietly, and pain flooded the bond.
Rhys looked down, nodding as he scratched the stubble growing on his face. "I am sorry. I just-"
"Please don't. You never mean it." You grabbed the box. "I will wear it and find jewelry." You turned to Azriel. "Elain would like to speak with you. She said something about a garden you two planned together and how I'll never understand the love you two share. How it breaks bonds and shakes worlds."
The relationship between you and Azriel had been messy since dinner two weeks ago. You two had your first fight over, of course, Elain and her rekindled love, lust, whichever felt appropriate at the moment for Azriel. He ignored the constant letters, the random headache powders, the message coded flowers.
He had reached out to Lucien, asking the male what had happened. According to the new Lord of Day, Elain and he had tried for 5 years, but the damage had been done. Lucien didn't trust Elain, Elain spent most of their time comparing the two of them, and nothing Lucien gave her was enough. He had been the one to reject the bond, and after 7 years, he had found himself heavily involved in a relationship with a now fully fae Vassa and Jurian.
Rhys and Cassian both gave him gentle looks of concern as he held your hand, preventing you from walking away. He stared Rhys in the eyes, doing something he felt Rhysand had never done to prove a point. "I'd rather go home with you, so if you were planning on winnowing, we might as well go together." He picked you.
They watched as all tension left your body, as security eased into your face. "Then let's go home." Azriel grabbed the leathers, nodding to Rhys and Cassian before following you.
Azriel's elbow locked around your neck, hand squeezing your hip as he pinned you below him and continued taking you from behind. You both had no interest in heading to Hewn City, so you had distracted him, walking into your shared bedroom in just a pretty blue silk night gown offering to give your body to him for what he had done, the message he had sent.
You were supposed to be getting ready, but instead, Azriel was growling above you, pumping into you carelessly. Your toes curled at how deep he was hitting, at how good he felt, how good he felt every time. "So close," you whispered. "So fucking close-" You were moaning his name when the knock on the door came.
A shadow rushed to him, curling his ear as he paused. "It's Elain," he muttered. "She's relentless." You whined below him, hips wiggling to get friction back. "Baby,"
"Please," you begged. "It's been weeks, I've been so good, please, daddy."
Azriel felt his cock twitch at the use of the name. He'd longed for a moment to erase the memory of what happened, and you had just given it to him. He felt you moving your hips, doing the best you could while pinned to the mattress to fuck yourself on his cock.
You were his focus, the rest of the world melting away as he heard your moans turning into screams of his name. You sounded so pretty coming for him, crying for him, begging for more for less for everything as oversensitivity took over. You especially looked pretty dripping his seed when he pulled out of you. Once again, he had chosen you.
You two laid there, holding each other until claws came for both of you. Scratching angerly as your mental shields and causing you to bury your head into Azriel's chest. "We need to get ready unless you want him showing up here next," Azriel played with your hair, scratching your scalp lightly. "Let's see how many siphons I blow through."
After 2 sets of siphons being destroyed, you were currently dragging Azriel down the streets of Velaris and to your brother and father's tailor. You knew she'd be able to fit and dress him in seconds and that he'd look every bit handsome as he deserved. You were pissed when you saw he had been gifted Illyrian leathers and not a suit. Your father was out of touch with Azriel. With you.
"Helena," you smiled at the older female. "We need help."
Azriel felt stiff. Staring at the doors of Heen City as a shocked page boy ran to inform Rhys and Feyre of the late arrival. You two were about to upstage them in their own court. The guests of honor arriving late and being introduced after the Lord and his Lady.
You would have upstaged them by yourself anyway, though. Azriel admired you one more time. Rhys had picked well, though you both would never admit it. The dress had a see-through bodice of black lace and floral applicates with thin straps. It led to a satin skirt that was tight and then flared out to your hips. The left leg had a high slit, showing the toned beautiful skin Azriel was begging to cover in his kisses. You had picked a simple necklace, a single tear drop shaped sapphire with matching earring and a matching bracelet. Your ring sat on manicured nails painted a soft shade of pink to white coffin head tips. Heels graced your feet, the red underside flashing when you walked. "Gods, you are stunning," he finally whispered out in a hoarse voice.
"And all yours," you looked at him, adjusting the lapel of his jacket. "Forever." Your mask slipped on as the doors opened, a collective gasp ringing through the room over who was on your arm followed by whispers.
Azriel knew this song and dance, walking you into one thousand eyes staring and gawking. He hated seeing you like this as you were ushered to the dance floor. The first dance of the night had been delayed, and the fae were restless.
Once you were centered on the floor, you turned facing him, eyes cold and distant as you disassociated from this place. He placed a hand on your hip, leaving his other to his side where both of your sat.
It was unfair of Feyre and Rhysand to expect you to do this traditional waltz, but you followed Azriel's steps as the music began, that first note echoing in your bones and soul. Your parents had claimed your first dance with your mate. The first true dance you two would ever share, and it had to be done in front of hundreds of fae who spat your direction when the Lord and Lady were busy.
Azriel had decided he hated this side of you. He was studying you like a project. You were a different female down here. Cold, uncaring, forced into this role of the High Lord's daughter.
Did these fae know you took far too much creamer in your coffee?
That you were afraid of storms?
That you only ate fruit pastries because you found chocolate too bitter?
You were Rhysand through and through with that mask on. But inside, inside Azriel knew you carried the very light of what your grandfather built. You were a true dreamer, and you could rattle the very stars themselves if your father would just give you the chance.
If Rhysand would just believe in you.
Azriel decided in that moment what the answer to your happiness was. He'd take you tonight and you two would leave.
Fuck expectations.
Fuck the rules.
Fuck your family.
Azriel would pick you for the third time today, and you two would leave.
He just had to get you through this visit at Hewn City first, and as he watched Elain shatter a champagne flute in her hands, he knew that was going to be a mission all on its own.
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General Taglist:
@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish
Azriel-
@elle4404
Small World Taglist-
@amara-moonlight @iimichie @acourtofbatboydreams @justasillylittlegoofyguy @janesalvarerelochanarcheron @hungryforbatboys @sidthedollface2 @hunt1bryce
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katnisspeetaprim · 3 months
Text
Father Figure
Lucifer Morningstar/Platonic!TeenReader
Summary: You'd had a hard time in the sort while you'd been alive, so when your new boss shows you kindness like you've never seen, you can't help but be suspicious...
Warnings: Platonic relationship, teenage fem reader, implied drug use, implied sex work, implied underage sex, dead beat parents, assault, swearing, panic attack, crying, angst, fluff A.N; not sure if I will write a part 2 yet, see how this does!
Word Count: 3102 Hazbin M.list
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Hell was a scary place for someone like you. Being a teenager in Hell was less than ideal.
Your parents were useless, always too coked out of their minds to care for you, so you left.
Due to your unfortunate circumstances, you had to resort to some... less than kosher means to survive. It was awful, but it’s all you could do.
One night, one of your clients wouldn’t take no for an answer so when you tried to fight back, things went bad for you.
So here you were.
Luckily, under princess Morningstar’s new work programme, all new sinners would be provided with a job to get them started, if they accepted the help that is. And that’s how you came to be the King of hell’s live in maid.
You’d finally found your way to the mansion, after getting lost multiple times. You felt somewhat intimidated as you stood before the large doors. It just now hit you that you’d be working for the devil himself. The thought made your blood run cold. Why would they give such a high profile job to someone like you? Maybe because you wouldn’t be able to cause any trouble? Either way you couldn’t back out now.
Swallowing back your nerves, you raised a hand and knocked on the door.
Almost immediately the door swung open to reveal a short man, who seemed a little too keen to interact with you.
‘Why hello there! Something I can help you with?’... Was he waiting by the door?
‘I uh- I was told to come here to work?’ You handed him your work certificate, and he quickly scanned it over before breaking out into a smile.
‘Wow! I didn’t expect to get someone so soon!’ It was only after Lucifer read the paper, did he properly look at you. His smile faltered slightly.
‘Uh sorry to be blunt, but you look a little... young?’
‘Well I’m 16.’ You laughed nervously. ‘Is that not ok? I promise I’ll be a good worker!’ Lucifer frowned deeply at your sudden panicked rambling.
It wasn’t uncommon for people to die young, but to end up in Hell?
He knew Earth could be a terrible place, but what could you have done at such a young age to end up here.
‘No no! Just me thinking out loud haha.’ Lucifer quickly backtracked. ‘Please come in.’ He moved to allow you to pass by, now smiling again. You entered, realising you were only slightly shorted than him as you passed by.
Maybe working for the Devil wouldn’t be as scary as you thought.
‘You have no idea how long I’ve needed a maid. I hate cleaning!’ He sighed out dramatically.
Over the coming months, you’d settled well into your job. You suppose you had it easy when it came to jobs in Hell. Cleaning was pretty easy.
Lucifer mostly left you to your own devices, thinking you wouldn’t want to hang out with an old man like him, but that didn’t mean he didn’t make an effort with you.
The first time he approached you in the middle of the day, was to gift you a mobile phone.
‘Hey!’ He slid up to you out of nowhere, making you jump out of your skin. ‘Realised you don’t have a phone! Can’t check in if you don’t have one of those!’ You weren’t used to receiving gifts with no strings attached, But Lucifer didn’t seem to have ulterior motives, so you tentatively accepted.
‘Oh! I’ll even give you my daughters number! You two will get on like a house on fire!’
Another encounter was on an evening. Lucifer was finishing up his supper, when he aught sight of you scurrying round the foyer. He called out for you to come over.
‘Have you eaten yet? It’s getting pretty late...’ You couldn’t help but feel touched that he was seemingly looking out for you.
‘I still have a lot to do... I’m a little behind today...’ You trailed off, worried about being scolded for being tardy.
‘Nonsense! Please join me, there’s way too much for just me anyway.’ Lucifer insisted, jumping up and pulling a chair out for you.
‘Are you sure that’s ok?’ You asked, still a little reserved of his kindness.
‘Of course! Always happy for the company.’
Lucifer could read you like a book. He knew you were still nervous and skeptical of him, but he couldn’t blame you. He still didn’t know the circumstances for you to end up in Hell, plus you were so young, it would take a lot to trust.
Even though you worked for him, Lucifer couldn’t help but feel protective of you.
One of the more recent incidents, was when you got hurt.
The house chef was running out of ingredients, so he asked you to run out and grab them. You happily agreed since you didn’t really have any reason to leave the house otherwise.
Ok. Maybe you’d gone a little over bored, you thought as you juggled the heavy bags in your arms.
‘Hey baby! Need some help with those?’ You looked over and saw a group of 3 men leering at you. You smiled nervously and said ‘ No thank you.’ Before turning round, hoping to get away without any trouble.
‘Hey do you know who your talking to? Don’t be rude!’ One of the men grabbed your arm, causing you to drop your bags.
‘Don’t touch me!’ You screamed out, trying to pry your arm from his grip.
‘We were just offering to walk you home lady, but if you want to get down here, that’s fine by us.’ The second man sneered at you with a smirk as he grabbed your face hard.
Your eyes widened at his words. You were now struggling even more, to no avail. The final man cam up behind you and grabbed your other arm in an attempt to keep you still.
‘Stop struggling will ya!’ The man in front of you spat out, shaking you by the arm. He shook you so violently, that the long sleeve of your dress began to rip. You took advantage of this. Pulling your arm back so hard, your sleeve came off in his hand.
The attacker behind you hadn’t been expected you to fall backwards, so he lost his grip on your arm, giving you just enough time to book it in the direction of Lucifer’s home.
You could hear them running and shouting after you, but you didn’t look back. It wasn’t far now. You just had to make it back to the house and you’d be safe.
Bursting through the main doors, you immediately fell to your knees and cradled your head in your hands as you hyperventilated.
‘Y/N!? What the Hell happened?’ Lucifer had heard the slam of the door so he came out to investigate. He hadn’t expected to find you having a panic attack in his entrance hall.
He was kneeling by your side in an instant, placing a comforting hand on your back. As he looked closer at you, he saw that your sleeve was ripped, with a bruise forming round your wrist. When you looked up at him with wide, teary eyes he also clocked some bruises on your jaw.
Lucifer’s eyes immediately darkened.
‘’m sorry I-I lost the groceries...’ You stuttered out with a shaky voice.  Lucifer’s face immediately contorted.
‘Y/N I don’t give a damn about the groceries! I want to know who did this to you.’ Lucifer was aware of how angry he sounded, but he was honestly offended that you thought he cared more about some groceries than you.
You cowered slightly at his raised voice and Lucifer felt bad. He took a deep breath to calm down before speaking again, much more softly this time.
‘Please Y/N, I need to know who did this.’
You looked up to him and you could see the genuine concern in his eyes. You tried your best to get your sobs under control so you could speak.
‘There was a-a group of three rough looking guys not far from here...’ Lucifer groaned internally. He knew exactly who you were talking about.
They were a group that had been causing trouble round the are for a while now, but he never had a good enough reason to get rid of them... Until now.
Lucifer stood and extended a hand to you with a smile. You hesitantly took his hand and he helped you to your feet.
‘Go get cleaned up ok? I gotta go out for a while.’ He ushered you towards your room.
‘Ok...’ You trailed off sadly.
‘Great!’ Lucifer grinned widely at you as he opened a portal. He stepped through before leaning his head back out to address you.
‘And I don’t want to see you doing house work when I get back, kay?’ he tipped his hat before dashing back through. Then the portal closed.
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‘Evening gentlemen.’ The three men from earlier swiftly jumped up from their card game, to see Lucifer leaning up against the wall, blocking the exit to the alley. They all immediately shrunk back when they saw it was him.
‘oh your majesty... What brings you to our hideout?’ Lucifer started to slowly walk into the alley, never tearing his eyes away from the men, making them even more on edge.
‘Uh-sir?’
‘So you think it’s fun to assault kid’s huh?’ Lucifer spoke in an eerily calm voice. The men looked at each other, now sweating profusely.  They all immediately tried to deny the accusations, but Lucifer wasn’t having it.
‘Keep your filthy mouths shut!’ His demonic form began manifesting as his anger grew. ‘You dare lay your hands on someone I care about!?’
The men were no longer tough bullies, but now reduced to a quivering mass with their backs to the wall as Lucifer stalked forwards.
A smirk appeared on his face as he narrowed his eyes at the men.
‘What do you say I give a demonstration of how Hell got it’s reputation?’
Screams echoed from the alley. People knew better than to intervene.
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Lucifer returned home not much later, making a bee line for your room straight away.
He was about to knock on your door, when he heard faint crying coming from the other side.
He looked down remorsefully. Maybe he shouldn’t have left you alone. He composed himself and knocked. The sobs went quiet and he heard a meek, ‘come in.’
As he entered, he noticed you’d changed from your maid outfit and now wore your pyjamas and dressing gown.
‘Hey Y/N, you feeling any better?’ He came to sit next to you with a comforting smile.
‘I guess so...’ You replied, though the defeated look was still evident on your face.
‘Well golly! I have something to turn that frown upside down!’ You were startled by his sudden energetic proclamation. ‘Ta-da!’ He pulled a small duck from his coat pocket and proudly presented it to you.
You looked over the duck, which had obviously been made to resemble you by giving it some of your features.
As you looked at the little yellow duck, something inside of you snapped. Without warning, you batted the duck from his hand and jumped up in a fury, scowl painted across your face.
‘Why are you acting like you care about me!?’ Lucifer jumped up as if you’d burnt him, his hands out in front of him as a peaceful gesture. He was stunned at your sudden outburst.
‘Y/N, I don’t thi-‘
‘Don’t try and lie to me! Nobody’s ever cared about me!’ You cut him off. You were getting more irate as you broke down into hysterics again.
Lucifer didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words to speak.
When he didn’t answer, it only made you more angry.
‘What do you want from me!?’ You screamed at him, tears flowing down your face. ‘Is it sex? Is that what you want from me, just like everyone else!?’
Lucifer audible gasped at your outburst and took a step back to show he meant no harm.
‘Whoa kid! I don’t want anything from you! Especially not...’ Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to say it. Everything began to fall into place for him now. So that’s what you had to do back on Earth.
He was angry that you accused him of being that disgusting, but not at you. He could never hate you. He was angry that there were people on Earth that thought it was ok to take advantage of a child like that.
You froze in place. The way he was keeping his distance, the way he was making himself look small so as to not intimidate you... Then there was his eyes. They were sad.
They bore into you, as if he were pleading with you to believe him. He wasn’t lying.
Your eyes stung with tears and your face heated up as you looked away, embarrassed by your outburst.
Lucifer wanted to comfort you, but he also didn’t want to spook you, so you needed to make the first move.
You mumbled something under your breath he couldn’t quite hear.
‘I uh, didn’t catch that...’ You squinted your eyes and let out a shaky breath, as if hyping yourself up to repeat what you had said.
You looked him dead in the eye, face hard as you repeated yourself.
‘I said I wish I were your daughter! My life would have been so much better.’
Lucifer was gobsmacked. He really hadn’t been expecting that. When he really thought about it he realised he shouldn’t be that surprised at all. He knew you had to have a rough life, and with how welcoming and caring he’d been to you, he should have know something like this would manifest.
The more Lucifer thought it over, the bigger his hear swelled. You thought so highly of him, that you wanted him to be your dad, or fatherly figure at least.
It seemed that Lucifer took a few moments too many to digest this information, as you turned away from him abruptly. He could see you shaking.
‘I’m sorry....’ You whispered.
Lucifer was snapped back to reality by your voice. You were clearly still upset, but he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading  across his face.
He made his way over to you and gingerly placed a hand on your shoulder, so as to not startle you, but you still flinched at the contact.
‘Y/N... You’ve nothing to be sorry for.’ Lucifer spoke so softly that it took you off guard. You couldn’t see his face, but you could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling.
‘It wasn’t till recently that I repaired my relationship with Charlie.’ You were rooted to the spot as you listened intently to what he was saying. ‘ I wasn’t there for a long time, and I truly regret how much time I missed with her.’ Your face was cast down as you hung onto every word.
You felt so stupid bringing this up. He already had a daughter that he loved, so you would just get in the way. Maybe this was his way of letting you down gently.
Lucifer moved to stand next to you, with his arm now across your shoulders. As you looked up to him, you were stunned to see him smiling. You almost passed out at his next words.
‘But maybe I can be there for you.’ More tears started to stream down your face, but this time they were tears of joy. For the first time in a long time, you felt truly happy.
Flinging your arms round his torso, you buried your head into his chest as you clung to him for dear life.
Lucifer happily returned your embrace and lay his head a top yours.
‘I’m sorry we couldn’t get here sooner.’ He soothed as he stroked the top of your head. You pulled back and looked up to him with a slight laugh.
‘You mean I should have died sooner?’ Lucifer cringed and pulled away, playfully throwing his hands up in the air.
‘Well of course it’s gonna sound morbid if you say it like that!’ You both laughed together and you wiped the tears from under your eyes.
Something caught Lucifer’s eye from across the room. It was the small duck he’d previously offered you.
You watched without a word as he retrieved the gift. He stood before you and offered it once again with a wide grin. This time you gratefully accepted.
Cupping your hands round the small toy, you held it up next to your face.
‘Great likeness.’ You joked and Lucifer snorted out in laughter.
‘I’m glad you like it! You know when you knocked it away, I thought you were highly offended with how I portrayed you, so good to know that’s not the case!’ He teased and gae you a thumbs up.
‘Thank you.’
‘Well.’ Lucifer spun round, making his way to the door before pausing to speak over his shoulder. ‘Thanks to todays surprising turn of events, I need to hire a new maid.’ He paused for a moment before turning back round to fully face you. ‘Can’t have my honorary daughter run ragged , now can I?’
Later that night after both of you had taken some much needed time to calm down, Lucifer had made you sit at the dining table, whilst he served you for a change. Once you were both settled, he took the opportunity to press you a little.
‘So did you ever reach out to Charlie like I said a while ago?’ You chuckled nervously and rubbed at the back of your neck.
  ‘I didn’t really think it would be appropriate.’
‘Ah come one now, I was the one who bought it up! Plus I think it would be good for you.’
‘How so?’ You titled your had curiously and Lucifer sank back into his chair with a breathy laugh.
‘Charlie showers literally everyone she meets with love, and she’ll introduce you to loads of new friends.’
‘But-‘ You stopped yourself, really thinking weather or not you should even ask. ‘Will she even want to meet me?’ Lucifer’s face softened into a warm smile. He knew exactly what you were thinking. You were scared that Charlie would want nothing to do with you, considering the way you saw him now.
He sat up and reached over, giving your shoulder a comforting squeeze.
‘I grantee it.’
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astarioffsimpmain · 6 months
Text
Consternation
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Astarion x F!Reader
Warnings: Explicit violence; gore; mentions of abuse
Synopsis: Astarion realizes that Cazador is no longer his worst fear
Author's Note: This is my first ever Astarion fic, and I have to thank the members of the Astarion fandom that I have met thus far. This fic would not exist without your encouragment. <3
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It was foreign to him, this fear. This icy chill that rattled his bones struck him deep at the core and unsettled him in a way that had him desperate to both pace ceaselessly and never move again. Oh, he had felt fear. It had been his constant companion since he was taken by Cazador; often his only companion as he writhed in the dark, his eyes open but nothing behind them. 
But this… 
He watched as Karlach carried you back to the campsite. You were bloodied almost beyond recognition, your heartbeat barely reaching his sensitive ears. It was his fault. You and he had argued last night; it was petty. He had been petty. He used the words that he knew would hurt you, and you, too spent after a grueling day to see through his act, had retreated to your own tent to seek out sleep in painful solitude. But sleep had not come. He'd seen it in your eyes this morning when you emerged from your tent, squinting and glaring up at the sun as though it was your enemy, and not his. 
And when you, he, and Karlach had gone out in search of food and firewood, you had been too slow, too fatigued, and too distracted to guard yourself from the attack. Orcs. They were a vicious bunch, springing on the three of you from the thicket near the base of the mountain range where you hunted, and while he and Karlach had suffered several minor injuries before winning out, you took a blow far more damaging. One of the orcs had taken you by surprise and bludgeoned you in the side of the head with its club before gaining the upper hand and stepping down hard on your ribs. 
He'd been focused on the orc in front of him until he heard the crunch. The sound was so grotesquely familiar to him that time nearly stopped as he swiveled his head in your direction. No. You lay flat on your back, your body bent in several unnatural directions, as the orc stood over you triumphantly, raising its club to finish the job. Your head lolled to the side and your unharmed eye met his and he shuddered, his breath catching in his throat. You didn't look scared. You didn't even look angry. He knew that expression. He'd seen it on your beautiful face as the moon bathed you in ethereal glow, the night he confessed his feelings to you. The night he surrendered his mask of flippant indifference and let you see him for who… for what he truly is. You had looked at him with such- such love, that night, so much that he thought he wouldn't be able to bear it. 
But now? Now he would trade the air in his lungs and every day of freedom he had left to be there with you on that night again. He would rather surrender himself to his master than watch you die because of him, and still look at him with love. 
It wasn't even him that had managed to save you in the end. It was Karlach, who had all but rammed the orc off of the top of you before gathering you up in her arms and running back towards camp. He had stood in a useless, pitiful daze, and had your tiefling companion not been there to end the last of the orcs before saving you, he would have been quick to join you at death's door. He remained useless as he followed Karlach back to the camp where Wyll, Shadowheart and Gale rushed off in the directions of their tents to see if they had something that could help you. Lae'zel had let out a bloodthirsty cry upon seeing you, demanding the blood of whoever or whatever had attacked you. Once Karlach told her the story, she posted herself at the edge of the campground, circling to prevent any more surprises. 
Everyone was doing something. Everyone but him. All he could do was sit beside you with his cool hands running over your body, trying desperately to cool you down. Your face was marred nearly beyond recognition, and the blood from your internal wounds had begun to pool just below the surface of the skin on your abdomen, creating angry violet spots all over your soft and beautiful body; the body he had held bare against his not too long ago; the heart he promised to love as wholly and genuinely as he was capable, beating far too weakly inside your chest. Guilt twisted further inside of him. If only he was strong, like you believed he was. If only Cazador didn't haunt his every moment. If only he was truly as free as you made him feel. Perhaps if he was better, stronger, more, he wouldn't have said those things to you. He wouldn't have hurt you, and instead of a sleepless night alone, you could have been wrapped up in him.
But he was foolish; weak; less. And he let his pain seep out like a fresh wound onto you, and now you suffered for it. Up until this very moment he had been under the false illusion that being sent back to Cazador was the worst fate he could possibly endure. How many times did he have to be proven wrong by you before he would listen?! Losing you was the fear he never expected. Losing you was far worse than losing himself, and the realization of that only deepened the already gripping dread in his heart. 
"Please," he whispered softly, leaning over your unmoving form. "Please, gods, stay alive. Even if you hate me forever, please stay alive. Please." His voice cracked as a tear rolled down his cheek and collided with yours. His body trembled as he prayed to gods he wasn't even sure he believed in, wishing for a miracle he didn't really think could happen. What would he do without you? He always insisted that he was his own person, but… was he? Or had he just traded one master for another; the first a master of his body, and the second a master of his heart?
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ash-says · 2 months
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Things to be aware of as a Hopeless Romantic:
We all have been there daydreaming about the perfect man, the perfect life, the perfect whatever,etc. Still life is not full of roses and thorns are inevitable.
So here are some aspects to look out for according to me so that you won't fall in the delulu is the only solulu trap.
Remember if you follow me, we don't do regrets here. We accept, take accountability and move on. We don't soak ourselves in problems. We solve them effectively.
1) Drop those rose-colored glasses. Crush them under your feet and now look at the world again. Learn to accept reality. It is what it is. Not what you make it out to be. Learn to become an observer of your life from time to time. It will give you the real picture.
2) Potential is useless if you are not leveraging it. It's a trap both for yourself and others. You see potential in him of changing and being a good guy?? Girl, he *IS* not a good guy. It's not your job to raise a man. It's embarrassing. Stop babysitting grown men.
3) Standards are important but ensure they are not rooted in fantasy. Let's be honest finding a man who is rich, dark, tall, sexy and talks in the way you read in your romance novels is difficult. I am not saying it's impossible but don't be too rigid. All I will say is make sure you are also on the level where if you come across such a man he should be ready to date you.
4) Men view sex differently than us women. I know many of you will get triggered after reading this but the majority of men really view women as sex dolls. Blame the porn industry maybe. Good men exist but not every other man who talks sweetly is good.
5) A person in your life treats you nicely. Always talk sweetly, tells you that you matter to them but their actions don't match it. Chances are you are being breadcrumbed. Plans being cancelled? Messages being unseen? But when confronted all you get is,"Sorry love, I was busy. I was going to do it. You matter a lot,etc etc." Breadcrumbing. Be smart it can happen even in friendships too. I understand people get busier with time and things do happen. Use your discernment to see who really is busy and who is faking to be busy.
6) That uncle was so kind to me. He talked to me sweetly and always tried to help me out. Now, that's really sweet of him. Next he calls you home to help out with the household chores and he is alone at home because his wife is out of town for some work. Would you go and help? Yes. Will you go alone? No. That's unsafe.
No matter how much a gentleman a man appears to be you are not allowed to be in a situation where he could potentially take advantage of you. You always bring along a friend or deny it. I know it's wrong to not help someone but at your own risk. No. Never. It's common knowledge in our society.
7) Dreaming of a Prince Charming to whisk you away from all your troubles??? Dream on. The idea that a soulmate or one person will magically solve all our issues is dumb. We as human beings add to each other's happiness rather than becoming the core of it.
8) One of the biggest mistakes I have seen girls around me make is of being fully invested in a relationship to the point one small fight makes them depressed. That's codependency. It's unhealthy.
9) Never make your relationship your identity. You should always have a separate identity out of it. Stop curating yourself for your partners. Morphing yourself according to their likes and dislikes. That's one way ticket to an identity crisis after breakup. Compromises are essential but changing your core self??? Crazy shit.
10) Your relationship should not be the reason for your downfall. It happens especially with my intense girlies we invest so much of ourselves in the relationship to the point it becomes our focal point and when it faces upheavals we are devastated. The mental distress starts flowing in other areas of your life and suddenly your grades are falling, your career seems unstable, etc. Develop the emotional strength to compartmentalize your emotions and not allow them to overflow in other areas and affect them.
Imagination is fertile but being delusional is being stuck in a swamp.
That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.
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motherlvr · 10 months
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Hi, can you do a Earth 42!Miles x Earth 42!Spider-Woman!Reader where Reader somehow meets Hobie and they hit it off. Miles sees them one day and gets jealous
tysm for the req!!
wc: 2.8k
pairing: E-42! Miles Morales x Spider-woman! reader
warnings: cursing, argument, friends to lovers, makeout sesh, slightly suggestive
a/n: imagine some comically sized british chap comes in and steals ur girl nahhh
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Your webs were useless against him.
At the moment, you were trying to apprehend a Vulture-like man and prevent him from further harming Brooklyn. As you have been for the past hour. You tried to pin the winged man down using your webs, but he tore right through them like they were made of paper.
What you initially believed going to be light work turned into a much larger problem as you were slammed into the side of a building. The unwelcome guest had an unfair advantage over you. You had to learn that the hard way.
His wing regenerated within only seconds of you ripping it off. It was like you were inside a cartoon.
Your jaw almost dropped to the ground. Hammerspace was real? You had only read about it in comics. "Dude, who even are you?" You shouted in confusion. But whoever he was, he wasn't from your world. That part was evident.
But it seemed like the tides were turning to your benefit.
You heard it before you saw it. You could've sworn guitar riffs rang throughout the air before another unexpected visitor came flying through a portal.
Upon further inspection, you realized it was another Spider-person. How was that possible? You thought you were the only one. But it wasn't the oddest thing you've seen as Spider-woman.
Bashing the winged man on the head with an electric guitar, he temporarily caught the Vulture off guard. Using it to his advantage, he quickly encased the anomaly in a force cage. Dusting off his palms, his lengthy legs strode over to you.
"Hold ya applause." He joked, giving you a small bow and pretending to tip an invisible hat.
His slightly cocky attitude was justified as you almost did applause. He folded the guy you've been fighting for an hour within only a few minutes. With a damn guitar, nonetheless. You almost geeked out, "That was fuckin' sick!" you exclaimed.
"Don't sell yourself short, mate. You did most of the work. My name's Hobie." He introduced himself. And from there, a grand friendship bloomed.
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Present-day and a few months have passed since you were practically drafted into the Spider Society. It was like a full-time job, as consumed most of your free time. The spare time that you'd usually spend hanging out with Miles. So needless to say, you were deprived of interactions with anyone that wasn't genetically enhanced by a spider.
Balancing your social life and the fate of the multiverse was much more challenging than Miguel originally let on. But what would he know about social life, anyway?
In the time you've spent at the Spider Society headquarters, you gravitated towards the infamous freedom fighter, Spider-punk. Or as he refers to be called: Hobie Brown.
Ever since he singlehandedly took the Vulture out with a guitar, the two of you just 'clicked'. Better yet, you guys were an unbeatable duo when it came to dealing with anomalies. You were almost inseparable. Just as Miles and you once were. Miguel even assigned Hobie the same missions as you.
One could say Hobie became what Miles once was to you. As you used to confide in Miles, you started to turn to Hobie instead. It wasn't that you were intentionally trying to distance yourself from Miles, but rather due to the convenience that Hobie shared the same issues as you. Rather, in this case, almost the exact same story. Hobie understood you to a Tee.
Miles was aware of your identity as Spider-woman as you were aware of him being the Prowler. But it wasn't always that way. Once upon a time, Miles originally intended to keep his identity as the Prowler a secret from you, but you found out anyway. Call it your spider-sense, if you may.
When someone close to you mysteriously disappears for various periods of time, it starts to hit a little too close to home. Miles trying to keep his identity concealed from you was a routine that wasn’t too different from yours. Him sneaking out at night, returning at ungodly hours with bruises, and lying. It was all too familiar. You eventually figured it out on your own. And when you confronted him about the truth, he confessed it all to you.
When he apologized for keeping such a crucial piece of information a secret, you couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. So you revealed your secret identity to him. The two of you entrusted each other with your greatest secrets. Secrets that could completely ruin one's life if they were spread to the world. It would put massive targets on both of your backs. The two of you had something special: trust. Or at least, used to.
Refocusing back on the present, you were currently out hunting anomalies with Hobie as you have been for the past months.
Today's anomaly was a particularly pesky villain. He had Hobie and you running in circles all around New York. Inevitably, the two of you caught him anyway.
Wiping the sweat off your forehead, you realized how fatigued you were. You were sure Hobie felt the same.
Your life revolved around the Spider Society and what missions needed to be completed. You worked all day and all night to ensure the protection of the multiverse. You didn’t have much time to yourself nor time for anyone outside of the Spider Society.
So, after completing the mission Miguel had assigned the both of you, you convinced Hobie to take a short interlude with you before going off to catch another dimension-destroying villain. Thankfully, he agreed.
Opening a portal to your selected safe space in New York, you guided Hobie outside the Clocktower. You frequented it when you needed a quick retreat from all the responsibilities being Spider-woman came with. But unbeknownst to you, Miles did the same. He was leaning his back against the other side of the Clocktower, unsuspecting of your presence.
Safe to presume, both of you were alike in more ways than just having secret identities as vigilantes.
Miles has been visiting this Clocktower ever since he took up his Uncle's mantle as the Prowler. He came up to this tower to wind down, away from his vigilante duties. His life was turned upside down, but the one thing that remained constant in his life was you. Now was a different story, however. You were slowly fading away from him, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.
Angling his head up towards the sky, he pondered about your disappearance. What could possibly have you so occupied? Another guy? Just the thought irked him.
You stopped returning his calls, messaging him, and didn't seem to have any free time. He knew being Spider-woman must come with great responsibility, but the excuses you made were piling up. The mutual trust the two of you once shared was slowly becoming a distant memory.
As Hobie and you pulled your masks down, you let out a long exhale of air. Sitting on the ledge of the clocktower with your legs swinging, Hobie made himself at home next to you. He said, "I am absolutely knackered." his English accent becoming more prominent. You cracked a slight smile and teased, "You tired, innit?" He only rolled his eyes at you and said, "You ain't even use innit right, you pillock."
Your uncontrolled laughter could be heard from miles away. It felt good to be able to relax for once. Even if it was only for a few minutes. Dramatically wiping tears from your eyes, you asked in between laughs, "What the hell is a pillock?" Hobie didn't find it nearly as amusing but gave a small chuckle at how comedic you found it.
As your laugh rang throughout the air, Miles' ears almost perked, despite not hearing your voice in months. Suddenly rising from his position, he wondered whether his ears were deceiving him. But as your laughter got louder, he was positive it was you.
Following the familiar sound of your voice, he spotted you sitting on the ledge of the Clocktower, looking as carefree as ever. Your back was facing toward him, and he was dying to just catch a single glimpse of you.
He called out your name with only a hint of hesitation. And when you whipped your head around, it was like a wave of affection hit him all over again. He was seeing you for the first time in months. Even after all that time away, you still made his heartbeat pause.
A silent moment passed as the sun's gleaming rays framed your figure in all the right ways. He only snapped out of his trance when he realized you weren't alone. You were accompanied by a rather conspicuous individual. Another guy.
Narrowing his eyes at the sight of the unknown male, he asked you, "What're you doin' up here, ma?
He wanted to hold a grudge against you for barely speaking to him within the past few months, but that was a less-pressing matter that he'd bring up later.
You disappeared for months. But out of the blue one evening, you return with some unknown guy. Staring at Miles, you looked like a deer caught in headlights. He felt as if he wasn't supposed to be seeing this.
Perhaps Miles was being selfish. But he couldn't bare to see you with another guy. So when he saw you with Hobie, he only assumed the worst.
Not to mention, Miles believed you looked a bit too cozy with the enigma of a male next to you. If he hadn't interrupted the two of you, it seemed to him like you would've snuggled right into the other man's side. Who was he? And why would you choose to spend your time with him rather than Miles? What did he have that Miles lacked? His jealousy was bound to make him snap the longer he saw you in the comforts of a guy that wasn't him.
But what he felt ran deeper than just jealousy. He was envious. He was envious of a man whom he didn't know anything about. Because he was who you chose to spend time with, not Miles. That was how Miles perceived it, anyway.
Your response made him snap back to reality. "Miles? What are you doing here?" Emphasizing the word 'you', you tried to reverse the question onto him. The Clocktower wasn't exactly a designated hang-out area for civilians. Hobie stood up and stretched as he was going to introduce himself to Miles. He held his hand out to help you up and you mindlessly accepted it. Miles' eye twitched seeing your hand in another man's hold.
Hobie and you walked over to Miles, and Miles' envy only grew. He soon realized Hobie was a Spider-person as well. Just as you were. Since when did a Spider-man exist? Miles thought.
Hobie exuded nonchalance as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his spiked jacket. He seemed unbothered by Miles' presence.
Questions plagued Miles' mind as he analyzed Hobie: Were you into guys like him? Is he why you haven't been around lately? How was he so tall?
Miles stared daggers into Hobie's eyes. But Hobie brushed off his glare and said, "What's up, man? Name's Hobie." Miles only nodded his head once at him and said, "I'm Miles." "Yeah, I know." Hobie responded. Miles paused for a second but shook it off as he turned to you. Replying to your previous question of why he was here, he told you, "I come here sometimes. You too, huh?"
Nodding your head, you agreed, "Yeah. To clear my mind, y'know?" With some other guy? Miles almost snipped. Instead, he hummed in response. Enunciating, he asked the question that's been lingering in the back of his mind for months. "Where've you been for the past months, ma? You went ghost." He tried to seem as collected as he could.
Rubbing the back of your head, you tried to come up with some lame response. "Sorry, Miles. I've just been busy lately." Miles couldn't stop his next words from coming out once they started to form.
"Busy doin' what exactly? Him?" He remarked, nodding his head in Hobie's direction. His outburst made your eyes widen in shock. You were aware you didn't look entirely presentable, with maybe a few stray strands of hair, but could you catch a break for once? You had just saved another dimension from deteriorating.
Hobie and you blurted out a response at the same time, "Nah, that's mad." "Absolutely not." But Miles wasn't convinced. The way both Hobie and you appeared utterly exhausted wasn't exactly helping your case.
Sensing the obvious tension in the air and the way you gaped at Miles, Hobie glanced down at you and pointed out, "Hol'up, you fancy the Prowler?" as a slight chuckle escaped his lips. His face was laced with an amused smirk rather than judgment.
"Hobie!" You shot him an agitated look, silently telling him to shut up.
Miles was only wondering how Hobie instantly knew he was the Prowler. He was convinced for a second that Hobie could read minds.
Hobie began to understand Miles' initial hostility and tried to assure him. "Apologies, apologies. I ain't know you lot were together." Hobie said, raising his palms in his defense.
Miles had no intention to correct Hobie, but you hesitated as you said to him, "We're not..." The words faltered on your tongue. Noticing your hesitation, Hobie leaned down to you and whispered in your ear, "Yeah? Does he know that?"
Reading the room, Hobie could tell you needed to speak to Miles in private. It seemed Miles was in the dark about a few key things. So as always, once Hobie is satisfied with the mayhem he has instigated, he leaves the scene. Giving you a two-fingered salute, Hobie tells you, "Alright, I'm off. See you in a bit." throwing you a wink. You mentally cursed him as he strolled away. Once he was out of Miles' sight, he disappeared into a portal back home.
For a brief moment, Miles wondered whether Hobie was his replacement.
Sighing, you pinched the bridge of your nose and turned to Miles. "I'm sorry, Miles. I've just been preoccupied with Spider-woman stuff." You said, not going into further details.
His jealousy almost boiled over. "Cut the shit, ma. If you're busy jeepin' with some guy, just say that." Miles was exasperated as he threw his arms in the air.
In pure disbelief, you tried to tell him. "Miles, you got it twisted. I swear. I didn't mean to shut you out, I've been out on missions. You know how it is." You were no fool. You knew how it must've looked to Miles when he caught you with Hobie after disappearing for months. But you didn't want him thinking you had ditched him just to go fool around with some other guy.
You didn't want your friendship with him to end like this, nor did you want it to end at all. "Hobie's just my partner. We go on missions together. That's all we are." You continued to explain to Miles. While you could understand Miles' viewpoint, the guy you wanted was standing right in front of you.
Miles furrowed his brows at you and inquired, "So you aren't messin' with him?" You immediately replied, "For the last time, absolutely not!"
Miles nodded in approval, "Good. Does that mean you ain't gonna be mad at me if I do this?" He ominously questioned you. Raising an eyebrow, you asked, "Do what?"
His gaze flickered to your lips as he lifted your chin with his hand, swiftly connecting your lips. Your lips slowly move together as ocean waves do. Removing his hold on your face, one hand traveled down to your waist to pull you in. You lifted your arms to wrap them around his neck.
Ever since he saw you again, his urge to press his lips to yours was undying. Those silent months caused plenty of built-up frustrations that he had wholeheartedly planned on taking out on your lips. He missed you. The way you felt against him, your voice, and the sweet aftertaste you left on his lips.
As the moments passed by, the heat you both felt was only getting more intense. He backed you against a wall of the tower, and you wrapped a leg around his waist to pull him in even further. One of his hands supported the leg that you encased around him, tracing circles into your thigh with his thumb.
Parting to catch a breath, you left kisses down Miles' neck. In between each one, you whispered an apology. "I'm really sorry. Promise I'll make it up to you, Miles." After you were done speaking, he only glanced down at you. Whispering back, he told you, "Talk less, ma." as he stole your breath yet again, pressing his lips to yours.
You supposed he was right. The two of you would have plenty of time to talk later, as it was apparent he wasn't letting you go anytime soon.
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tysm for reading!
taglist: @l5byrinth @11erinome11 @ulovejayy @laylasbunbunny @whatamidoing89 @kanvis @sophiaj650 @edgyficuselastica @spideys2cute @whatamidoing89 @beabadobee @sxributr @justhereforfunidk
lmk if u want to be added! honestly have no clue why the last few tags aren't working i am so sorry lmao
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