#my little queer heart may just explode

[hippolotamus]

Heartstopper… Red White & Royal Blue… getting to hang out with Nick, Charlie, Elle, Tao, Isaac, Tara and Darcy again… seeing Alex and Henry brought to life… it can only mean one thing:

Happy Augayst, Friends 🌈

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

what was it like as a gaylor before 2016?

What an appropriate question on the 10 year anniversary of the kaylor public launch at the VSFS 2013 :) As it's quite a subjective question, prepare for my gaylor/kaylor origin story 😉

I've been a more committed Taylor fan since Red came out in 2012, but because I'm in the UK a lot of the public media buzz about her has passed me by (except for the headlines about her and Harry, that was definitely a big story over here). In spring 2013 the article about her and Dianna exploded on the internet and, despite it obviously being retracted, it perked my ears up because 1. I was also a big glee fan at the time, and 2. it seemed to offer an explanation to why I found her music so relatable having just had my heart broken by a girl and all her genderless breakup songs fit that situation so well. So, I did a bit of research and quickly realised that, if she was in fact with Dianna, it would have been at the same time that she was supposedly dating Harry, as well as that Kennedy guy. No public acknowledgement of any queerness (like ever) so it was very clear to me from the start that, if she is dating women, she is doing it very much in secret. Not a great inspiration for fairly newly out me (23 at the time), so I filed that information and moved on with just her music. Didn't really think about it again until over a year later when a guy in a club decided to bully me and my then gf with the sentence 'Are you a real couple or just bffs like Taylor Swift and that model chick?' Yep, my kaylor origin story is a straight man harassing me in a nightclub. What are the odds, right? 🤭

So, because that remark somehow stuck with me (and I had no idea who that ' model chick' even was) I googled it, expecting to find something similar to the Dianna situation and my jaw hit the floor when I got pages and pages of photos of Taylor and Karlie walking the streets of NYC holding hands, smiling at each other with the biggest heart eyes. It genuinely changed my life. It may sound totally stupid and out of proportion, given that they didn't acknowledge it as a relationship (which I'm aware was doing no favours to lesbian visibility), but it did something to me to see the girl whose music I'd danced to in my bedroom when I was 16 so happily in love with another girl. I'd never seen that sort of love between two women, either in fiction or in real life, and it felt like she'd reached across the miles dividing us to tell me that it's possible, and that if she could find it (even in hiding), I could, too. And somehow it didn't matter to me what they were calling it, I could see what it was and it was everything to me. But I only had a few months to enjoy it before kissgate ruined it and of course the tabloids printed words like 'affair' and ‘scandal' and by March the next year we had Calvin Harris, then Hiddleswift, and then Joe. But at the same time, we got 1989 and rep with some of the gayest music ever written. And I found a great community of fellow queer people on here in those years that seemed to enjoy watching them and seeing their lives in the lyrics as much as I did. I’ve dipped in and out of the online space for years, lurking when there were more kind people around and disappearing when the hate got worse. It was fun to watch it all unfold in real time with people, I’m impressed that people still become new kaylors these days when there is no real time interaction and the hate from the general fanbase towards Karlie is still high since 2018. I don’t think I would be a gaylor today if I hadn’t witnessed their love in front of everybody’s eyes in that year, that really made me resilient to setbacks because I’m just so irretrievably in love with their love story. I’ve seen how Taylor lashes out when she’s cornered and scared (like she did after kiss gate) and sometimes we’re the collateral damage of that. And as much as that sucks it just shows that she’s incredibly protective of her little bubble of happiness and the more you poke the bear the more savage she’ll be in her retaliation. Do I wish she didn’t throw her most loyal supporters off a cliff every time she needs a straight excuse? Of course! But have I also hurt people I care about to protect my loved ones? Yes. So I can’t really judge. I can just take a walk when it gets too much, and wait for the soft shit to pull me back in.

So, to summarise, being a gaylor has always (and will always) have highs and lows, the public narrative is never for us, only the music is. But that's ok with me, I've learned to tune the noise out and enjoy the music, reminding myself that those songs were inspired by one of the greatest love stories I've ever accidently stumbled upon.

[thegodwhocums]

it is so so so tempting, even as someone who's not a reconstructionist, to find the TRUE way that polytheists worshiped back in Thee Olden Days - like there's something purer and more efficacious about methods tested and proven over millennia, and like if I just Study Harder I will connect all these fucken dots and do things the RIGHT way like the ANCIENTS did

like there's a way to time-skip over the war and colonization back to the agrarian bonfire dances and the queer mystic mentorship circles

and yet, this yearning, while understandable, is misplaced.

we asked Dionysos about the deities that preceded the expansion of global patriarchy, and got a really compelling response:

Don’t get hung up on the archetypes. You’re not living in the Stone Age. You don’t need to recreate Stone Age rituals. Create rituals for now. What thanks do you need to give? What do you need to ask for? What would it serve you to have represented? I’m thinking of an expression – “form follows function.” [You’re allowed.] Your heart breaks at the beauty of the lilac. To whom do you express that transcendent joy? If there’s no one, then you have a vacuum. Who is best suited? Old gods, new gods? They’re all sort of the same. Don’t try to achieve temporal purity – to try is limiting. [The insight here is that your heart is filled with gratitude that you live in a world that has this particular kind of beauty in it, and that’s something you should be sharing with divinity.]

- Dionysos, channeled 27 May 2023

it's surprising in some ways to hear such a pragmatic approach to the gods FROM a god, but like - what does it serve divinity to have offerings from a disaffected devotee?

I think if you're determined to honor all 12 Olympians or an equivalent box-set sort of pantheon, that is a little different - if you're building your own set (to make this sound more like Lego than a spiritual practice whoops), then the advice as I'm taking it is to see where you're overflowing with the kind of passion that a mortal can offer to divinity, and follow that! be guided by the things that make your heart explode! this, as I interpret it, is the most precious thing that humans can offer to the divine: overflowing appreciation and love and agony and all the things that make us human, directed to gods and spirits who can share in those beautiful and terrible emotions with us.

still hashing all this out so it's not my most polished set of thoughts but: damn.

[aniron48]

Ani's Fic Master List

As 2022 draws to a close, I'm realizing that I wrote...kind of a lot of words this year, and that it might be time for a pinned post to try to keep track of all the things! So without further ado, may I present the inner workings of my brain 😁:

If you're looking for Love Letters, the recent 00q Choose Your Own Adventure I did in the run-up to Valentine's Day 2023, you can either click through the posts/polls by reading the links on Tumblr, or you can read it all in one place on ao3. Thanks so much to everyone who participated in this wild ride with me, I absolutely loved it !

And for the rest of it:

For the Fluff Lovers:

A Fine Kettle of Phish, Teen and Up, 7200 words. James Bond/Q. James Bond falls for a spearphishing email, and it falls to Q to give him his mandatory cybersecurity training. This is not going to go well for at least one of them. Read if you like: epistolary fics; IT shenanigans; humor with heart. Avoid if: you prefer fics that adhere closely to canon; you have a fluff allergy.

Trick, Teen and Up, 6600 words. James Bond/Q (Background Nomi/Eve Moneypenny). Series: Trick/Treat James Bond wants nothing more than to convince Q that he's ready for a serious relationship--but in order to do that, he's going to need to figure out what Q's wearing to Moneypenny's Halloween party. Read if you like: Halloween costume parties; Bond proving he's boyfriend material; Bond and Nomi being just deeply extra. Avoid if: you prefer fics that adhere closely to canon; you have a fluff allergy.

Treat, Teen and Up, 9500 words. Nomi/Eve Moneypenny (Background James Bond/Q). Series: Trick/Treat Nomi has two things she absolutely must accomplish by Moneypenny's Halloween party: 1) convince Moneypenny that she's not actually a complete idiot, and 2) help James Bond figure out Q's Halloween costume.  One of these things may be easier than the other. Read if you like: Halloween costume parties; queer women talking about their feelings; Moneypenny being perfect as always; Bond and Nomi being just deeply extra. Avoid if: you prefer fics that adhere closely to canon; you have a fluff allergy.

open line, Teen and Up, 2000 words. James Bond/Q. There was no conceivable excuse for it. Bond had prepared to sign off comms the way he always did— “I’ll see you in London, Q.” —and Q, only half paying attention, closing camera feeds, verifying flight paths, had responded— (Or, Q gets distracted on comms, and says the unthinkable.) Read if you like: fluffy oneshots; Q and Bond growing closer over comms; public displays of affection in a Tesco. Avoid if: you have a fluff allergy; you just want to buy some cabbages and don't see why all the kissing is really necessary.

Hoodie, Teen and Up, 400 words. James Bond/Q. A short 00q prompt fill for the Tumblr prompt "Hoodie." Read if you like: characters wearing each other's clothes; very short ficlets; Bond getting drinks thrown in his face; Q being oblivious. Avoid if: you have a fluff allergy; you prefer longer works with more character development.

Home, Teen and Up, 1600 words. James Bond/Q. A 00q prompt fill for the Tumblr prompt "Home." Bond didn’t hate his flat, not exactly. It was just that it was always meant to be a stopgap, a temporary landing place after he’d moved back to London eight months before. The rent was extortionate, to be sure; the views dismal; the heating insufficiently calibrated to the wet London weather. The lift was out of service more often than not; the kitchen was cramped; and his upstairs neighbor seemed to listen exclusively to music by James Blunt, but setting that aside— Bond hated his flat. Read if you like: domestic fluff; slice of life fics; established relationships. Avoid if: you have a fluff allergy; you prefer fics where more things explode.

Must Love Cats, Teen and Up, 5400 words. James Bond/Q. Prompt fill for 2022 Festive Fanwork Fiesta. Q needs a date to his ex-boyfriend's wedding. Bond wants to be Q's wedding date. There are just ten little things he's got to do first. Read if you like: strong rom com vibes; getting together fics; humor with heart; Q being oblivious. Avoid if: you have a fluff allergy; you prefer fics that adhere closely to canon.

come y bebe que la vida es breve, Teen and Up, 1300 words. James Bond/Q. Prompt fill for 2022 Festive Fanwork Fiesta. “Q,” Bond leaned over to kiss the nape of his neck. “You don’t need to fuss over me.” “I’m not fussing,”Q said, without turning around. “I’m cooking. Written for the prompt, "mundane activity done together-shopping, gardening, cooking, etc." Read if you like: domestic fluff; slice of life fics; established relationships. Avoid if: you prefer fics where more things explode.

A Good Man, Teen and Up, 2600 words. Benoit Blanc/Phillip. Series: A Good Man 'verse Blanc set down his glass. “Professor, I’m beginning to suspect that you might be the most interesting person here. Maybe even one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met.” Phillip stared. “Are you taking the piss?” (Or, Benoit Blanc returns from his trip to Greece, and Phillip reflects on the night they first met.) Read if you like: domestic fluff; established relationships; memories of getting together. Avoid if: you prefer fics with more on-page mystery solving.

An Ever-Fixed Mark, Teen and Up, 7100 words. Benoit Blanc/Phillip. Series: A Good Man 'verse "It’s extraordinarily presumptuous of me, I know, but how would you feel about killing two of the proverbial birds with one stone?” Phillip shifted in his office chair, his errant heart beating fast again. “What did you have in mind?” “Well, Phillip,” Blanc said, his voice low and pleased, “if you’re amenable, I’d very much like it if you’d come with me to take a look at a painting.” Or, Blanc and Phillip won't let a little thing like an intractable case get in the way of their first date. Read if you like: the first work in this series; fluff; first dates; soft mystery boyfriends; a little light mystery solving. Avoid if: you prefer more emphasis on the mystery and less on the fluff.

Angst with a Happy Ending:

The More Loving One, Teen and Up, 9100 words. James Bond/Q. On this particular Wednesday, he’s so engrossed in his blueprints and his midday cup of tea that he barely acknowledges Bond when he sidles in and leans on Q’s worktable, hands braced on either side of the trace paper. “Can you take me to a gay bar?” Bond asks. Q spits his tea all over the blueprints. Read if you like: poetry; not actually unrequited love; Bond and Q at a gay bar. Avoid if: W.H. Auden is your literary nemesis; the initial appearance of unrequited love makes you too sad.

Bad Thing Twice, Mature, 3100 words. James Bond/Q. Series: Cut to the Feeling It would never have happened the first time, if it weren't for the cardigan. Read if you like: Carly Rae Jepsen; a hint of smut; Q standing up for Bond; characters being surprised by feelings. Avoid if: you prefer not to read on-page sex; you think the budget office has a point, actually.

'tis the damn season, Mature, 5400 words. James Bond/Q. A love story in four Christmases. Read if you like: stories centered around MI6 holiday parties; James Bond working through some things; hurt/comfort. Avoid if: discussion of depressive episodes is triggering; you prefer not to read on-page sex.

Hug, Teen and Up, 900 words. James Bond/Q. Prompt fill. Q has managed to keep it together, over the last two days, and somehow this is what sends him over: James Bond cradling his hand as if it’s something precious, and the simple promise of care. Read if you like: tenderness; hugging; established relationships (sort of); comfort; Bond smelling good. Avoid if: you prefer longer works; you prefer not to read (brief) discussions about Bond sleeping with other people on missions.

This Little Light of Mine, Teen and Up, 3700 words. James Bond and Q (note that this one is pre-relationship). Prompt fill for 2022 Festive Fanwork Fiesta. After the events of Skyfall, Bond spends his nights alone and sleepless in his empty new flat. There's simply no way Q can let that stand. Read if you like: hints of domesticity with a dash of hurt/comfort; Q being exceedingly clever and a little bit socially awkward. Avoid if: mention of grief or insomnia are triggering; you only want to read fics where the characters are in a relationship.

rain, Explicit, 5600 words. James Bond/Q. Prompt fill. Q opened his mouth to say it, only to close it again, the words stagnating on the tip of his tongue: Sometimes, I worry that if no one touches me, I might fade away at the edges, until I disappear. Sometimes I think I might have disappeared already. Or, Q is caught in the rain, and then a silver Aston Martin pulls up beside him. Read if you like: explicit sex (uhhh lots of it); pining (so much pining); characters being lovingly dried off after being caught in the rain. Avoid if: you prefer not to read explicit sex; you prefer fics where more things explode.

for the age of the earth, and after, Mature, 800 words. James Bond/Q. It starts when Bond says, “Tell me how you like it,” and Q says, “Slow.” Read if you like: smut with feelings; the barest sprinkle of angst; the Kantian idea of the sublime. Avoid if: you prefer longer fics; you prefer fics with more plot than smut; you simply Kant (see what I did there).

Now With Even More Angst:

and the wind at their backs, Teen and Up, 500 words. James Bond/Q. Archive Warning: Major Character Death. What he remembers of Q, in the end, is this. Read if you like: wondering what happened the night Bond spent at Q's in NTTD; gentle explorations of grief. Avoid if: you need a happy ending; major character death is too upsetting at the moment.

offering, Teen and Up, 700 words. James Bond/Q. Archive Warning: Major Character Death. “It’s terribly inconvenient, grieving you,” Q says to no one. “Somehow I think you’d like that.” Q builds an ofrenda for Bond on the Day of the Dead. Read if you like: día de muertos; gentle explorations of grief. Avoid if: you need a happy ending; major character death is too upsetting at the moment.

all the flags we've hung, Teen and Up, 2400 words. James Bond/Felix Leiter. Prompt fill for 2022 Festive Fanwork Fiesta. “It’s a bitch of a thing,” Felix said, taking a swig of his beer, “loving a country that doesn’t love you back.” Written for the prompt, "Bond has a habit of breaking into the houses of the people he loves. Felix nearly shoots him." Read if you like: in-depth explorations of Felix Leiter's character; love in its many forms; complicated relationships to patriotism. Avoid if: you prefer unequivocally hopeful endings; discussion of racism may be triggering.

For Some Additional Silliness:

A Brief Excerpt from an MI6 Budget Meeting

Some thoughts on Bond's abiding love for Celine Dion

And last but not least, for the Stardew Valley fans:

the very first piece of fan fiction I ever wrote. Be gentle. 😁

[mylittlenookcorner]

This is just a brain dump because I finished reading The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon, and this book got me in a chokehold. If I don’t let it out some way I think I will explode.

I honestly haven’t read a book in so long that represented POCs like Priory where being a POC is not them being insecure or that their whole plot line or personality. They are in depth characters with goals and journeys they go through, they have their own passions and beliefs they hold so dear to their hearts that seem unbreakable, but develop an open mindedness to learning, growing and forming a deeper understanding of the world beyond their own beliefs. They are badass magical warriors who are so so vital to the plot. They’re not just there to coddle or be side characters. They are given the biggest spotlight to shine and grow!

Samantha Shannon writes them so beautifully and so strong with so much care and love! And the queerness of the characters. Oh my god. How natural and normal it is in the Priory world is gorgeous! Imagine living in a world where you’re not chastised the slightest bit for loving who you love. The Queen of the greatest kingdom falls in love with her handmaiden and the repercussion that followed was due to rank difference, not because they’re two women.

As a bisexual woman of colour, I can’t emphasise how much joy and love I have for this book. Growing up it was difficult to find literature where LGBTQ+ characters were the protagonists in genres I gravitate towards, let alone LGBTQ+ people of colour! Not in the mainstream and popular media at least in the early-mid 2010s when I was a teenager (will not disclose my age but yes, I am this old). I’m sure a lot of people my age can relate to this, but the world is expanding with literature and media a lot of us were searching for when we were younger.

What a beautiful thing that is, right?

And, honestly, all the characters! They’re so fleshed out and unique. Sabran is complex and such an interesting character with her own pain from societal pressures as Queen, to produce a daughter for her line, etc. She did annoy me at times in the beginning. I found her a little bratty but in my opinion? She didn’t know any better and to watch her character development was stunning. High key grew into probably the best ruler of Inys ever had. Even Niclays, honestly. Man’s sanity was hanging on by a thread and got himself in the worst situations known to man, but his downfalls and breakdowns were so entertaining. Loth’s journey was so stressful and this guy had one crisis of faith after another, but he’s one of my favourite characters, for real. He’d go to hell and back for his friends, he loves his sister so dearly and it just melts my heart what he’d do for the people he loves.

And goes without saying Ead & Tané: god-tier characters! My badass warrior queens! Both so stubborn and passionate and strong and flawed! They parallel each other, they have so many similarities but so unique from each other!

I may or may not shut up about Priory for a while, but I do have a few more books in my TBR I’m dying to read in the next coming months. That includes the prequel, A Day Of Fallen Night. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into that one!

[gay-otlc]

Legacy Recap

Spoiler alert: It's gay

An unprecedented 234 pages before Sophie pulls out an eyelash! I'm genuinely so proud the trich is improving folks

Sophie is not good at prioritizing

Keefe's mental health is improving too! He's shown signs of suicide ideation but he does want to keep looking very proud of him as well <3

Dex and Keefe deserve to interact more often because their relationship is fantastic, I'll die on this hill

Actually, Ro should stop making people uncomfortable for the fun of it please and thank you.

SOPHIE WINCED AFTER BEING CALLED LADY THIS BITCH NONBINARY GOOD FOR THEM

Sophie being bad at prioritizing, part two electric boogaloo

Fellas, is it queer of gender to complain about dresses for an entire page?

As usual, Biana's introduction is extremely sapphic.

We stan Wylie bitching at the council.

Tiergan confirmed what we already knew; being in the black swan is inherently queer.

Also, the council now knows Tiergan is Granite, for reasons related to being pissed about Prentice and/or losing at Uno.

Linh and Wylie are siblings pass it on.

We stan Tiergan bitching at the council.

Sophie, validating their friend's genders, doesn't want to call them lords and ladies.

Biana, validating Sophie's gender, doesn't want to call them lady.

"Master Sophie" is considered, which is a masculine honorific did Shannon realize she had Biana suggest a masc title for Sophie and no one thought anything of it?

Stina grabs Sophie's wrist. And calls her Foster, which is a sign of affection as we learn from Keefe.

Bronte is aromantic.

Sophie is (a) not ready for a relationship, (b) in love with Biana, and (c) nonbinary. This can be deduced by their reaction when Fitz says girlfriend.

Someone give Keefe a hug.

Aro Wylie supremacy. He's so tired of the allo drama.

Bronte should have been Sophie's father solely because I would love to see the Wylie/Forkle/Bronte confrontation.

Not only do Linh and Marella train together a lot, they train together a lot. Italics are a direct quote. Were they necessary? Seems kinda gay.

AMY MY BELOVED

Forkle and Bronte made out. Forkle then studied his saliva for the inflictor DNA. How romantic.

Cassius should get punched. Repeatedly. I volunteer.

Marella is so fondly exasperated with Linh and her Princess Purryfins antics.

Lesbian coded Linh? I cannot think of another purpose for that line-

Your favorite Solreef angst bitch is back to remind you that Linh moved back in with Quan and Mai and I want to know how it went when she told her family aboout this decision. For science.

(From what I've gathered, Tiergan is ignoring problems by focusing on work and no one is talking to one another)

Although Bronte's not Sophie's biological father, his reaction makes me think he knows who it is, which means it's probably Fintan.

Forkle straight puns? Forkle straight puns.

SOPHIE AND EDALINE DYNAMIC OWNS MY HEART CURED MY DEPRESSION ETC ETC

Fitz should have heard about Wylie exploding a chandelier, just because I think it would be funny to explore Fitz's complicated relationship to chandeliers.

Livvy understands why Sophie finds Vackers hot.

Fellas, is it gay to call your friend your "Best Dude" and make a ship name for the two of you? Asking on Keefe's behalf.

Livvy yeeting Forkle out of the way 🧡

Hey, Keefitz shippers- don’t think about Fitz hiring Keefe to paint a romantic picture of him and Sophie :D

Grady's ability needs to be explored more istg there's so much potential!!!

Forkle and Dex both ship Sokeefitz.

Sophie jumping off a cliff to avoid getting grounded. Iconic.

Time zones in the lost cities are addressed, and are then promptly forgotten.

DARK FITZ. FORESHADOWING FOR DARK FITZ. I WANT TO SEE THIS

Fitz and Keefe (and Sophie) being terrified they'll turn into their evil relatives supremacy

Sandor wants to fight Forkle. Deserved.

Everyone in the Neverseen is queer, explicitly confirmed.

Sophie doesn't know about coping mechanisms. Get Sophie therapy.

Alvar has the "little miss perfect" gene, just like every other Vacker ever.

MORE DARK FITZ FORESHADOWING

Gisela probably has another ability; could be beguiler, technopath, mesmer, pyrokinetic, ???

Keefitz!

Oralie mom reveal!

I think Prentice and his family deserve to yell at Oralie just a bit. As a treat.

Other than being mlw, Sophitz is very little miss perfect-ish.

Sophie's way of coping with her breakup is my way of coping with life (avoiding eye contact! hiding!)

LINH WAS HOLDING HANDS WITH MARELLA AND MARUCA. CANON THING THAT HAPPENED. I AM SCREAMING

I want to know what Tiergan would do if one of the councillors was hurt or killed because he didn't get to finish but I have a feeling the end of that sentence would be hilarious.

Elwin 🧡🧡🧡

Elwin used they/them pronouns for Sophie we stan supportive queer elder Elwin in this household.

Shannon foreshadowed an Empath having their sanity shattered- Keefe is the most likely option but Oralie or Stina could be interesting.

Okay you know what. Solreef family happy ending Tam comes home we were robbed of this scene I need to see it for science

[iwannawritelots]

Asmodeus X MC: Coming Out (Transmasc)

Originally written May 2020

Asmodeus played with your hair and gave you his biggest smile. "(Deadname), I adore you. Don't you wanna talk...?" You two had been shopping in the mall all day, but when you sat down to rest, your dysphoria began to eat at you. You hated your voice, along with your body and your name. It hurt to hear your name from the boy's mouth.

"A-Asmo... do you ever feel... bad about yourself...?" You realized how stupid it must have sounded after it left your mouth, with him being beautiful and the avatar of lust.

He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head like a puppy. "Why, of course not." He scooted closer to you and wrapped an arm around you. "Why?"

You hid your face in your hands, wishing you hadn't asked. "Forget I said anything."

"Ah, that's difficult; I love it when you talk." He giggled a little and nuzzled your cheek, but it wasn't cheering you up at all this time. "(Deadname)...?" You started to cry, and at first he didn't notice anything besides your shaking. "(Deadname), I...—" He saw the tears rolling down your cheeks and felt like his heart was going to explode from panic. Did he do something?

"A-A-Asmo... I-I'm t-t-tr..." You couldn't finish your sentence through the spluttering. He pulled you into his lap and attempted to keep you hidden from the passerby in the mall. "A-Asmo..."

He ran his fingers through your hair, unsure what to do. "Princess...?" You wailed at the nickname, wanting to just tell him so he could reject you already and it would be over with, but you were so scared.

"I-I'm t-trans-sgender..." You finally stuttered through sobs. "I-I hate my b-body and m-m-my voice a-and y-y-you pr-probably d-don't want a transgender-er p-partner..."

Wide eyed, Asmo hushed you until you quieted down. "Baby, I-I love you. You being trans don't make me love you any less."

"B-But it'll be a pain in the ass! A-And I'll h-have to tell your brothers! A-And everyone's gonna be awful to me! A-A-And—!" You attempted to catch your breath, shaking in his arms. "A-Asmo, if I-I—..."

He softly kissed your lips and smiled at you with the most gentle expression he could before gripping your jaw. "Prince, listen..." You glued your eyes to his, trembling. "It would be hypocritical of me to reject you when I'm a feminine man, don't you think? I love queer culture, and I'm a part of it. You know that." Before you could open your mouth, he added, "Furthermore, my brothers are all accepting of me. Surely they will show you that kind of love."

"H-How can you be so sure...?"

He smiled and gave you tiny bunny kisses. "I can feel it deep down."

You hid in him, softly crying as he told you all about the queer community in Devildom. Their pride parades, the sweet gay couples, the transgender care... it all comforted you immensely. You couldn't ask for anyone better to comfort you.

"I-I love you so much, Asmo..."

"I love you too, uh..." He blushed and kissed your head. "What do I call you, exactly?"

"____."

He repeated it to you. "_____." He liked the way it felt to say. "I love you, _____."

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Five years ago, the women on this site who treated me like trash over loving Labyrinth and shipping Jareth/Sarah were almost always obliviously consuming Radfem propaganda, or were out and out Radfems/Terfs themselves.

They were the types of people who casually threw the word “pedophile” around against grown women who shipped an adult Sarah with Jareth, aka literally one of the most popular ships for women in fandom for 30 years.

Pretty much invariably, these women had serious sex-negative anxieties, which included a severe paranoia about any and all kink and fetish, and porn in general. I saw a lot of shocking, fear-mongering propaganda surrounding sexual expression. Pretty much invariably, their method of approach involved immediate personal shock-value attacks on anyone they perceived to be “bad.”

Today, you can look at the way some people react to other popular so-called “problematic” ships and recognize the same toxic, fear-mongering rhetoric coming from women who consider themselves regular, trans-inclusive feminists. Sometimes it even manifests in the words of very well-meaning people (including myself here), who feel the need to talk about specific issues that pertain to their own experiences of trauma and oppression.

The people who shit on Labyrinth often seem to not really be able to comprehend that the Goblin King, like the film itself, is canonically a representation of a teen girl’s psyche, a soup of fears and anxieties and desires and dreams. He’s not a literal human adult preying on a literal child, and to read the film that way seriously undermines the entire point of the film. 

When I (and people of many fandoms) say “This is fiction, calm down,” I’m not just saying it’s not real so it cant hurt you and you can’t criticize me. I’m trying to call attention to what fiction actually is - artistic representations of feelings and experiences. The Goblin King is Sarah’s fiction. Therefore, he can be anything she or any woman who identifies with her wants him to be, including her lover when she’s grown and ready for such a thing.

I once took an alarming dive into Beetlejuice fandom to see what content was there (the cartoon was a favorite when I was little). Chillingly, what you’ll find is an extremely wounded fanbase, with a sharp divide between the older women who had long been shipping BJ/Lydia because of their love for the cartoon series (and whom were previously the vast majority of the Beetlejuice fandom), and a massive amount of young people riding the wave of the musical fad who had decided that the entire old school Beetlejuice fandom was populated by literal pedophiles. 

I saw death threats. Suicide baiting. Constant, constant toxic discourse. It did not matter how the BJ/Lydia fandom dealt with any particular issues that would exist in their ship, in fact I’m certain that the people abusing them cared very little to even consider if they were trying to handle it at all. The only thing that mattered was that they were disgusting subhuman scum asking for abuse. If you have at any time reblogged recent Beetlejuice fan art or content from fans of the musical, you have more than likely been engaging positively with the content of someone participating in toxic fandom behavior.

Nobody is really sticking up for them, either, as far as I saw. It’s really hard to imagine how painful it must be to have such a large group of people explode into into your relatively private fandom space to tell you that you are evil, vile, and deserve constant abuse, and also you are no longer allowed into the fandom space to engage in it’s content. But I think there’s something very alarming indeed about this happening specifically to the BJ fandom, and I’ll explain why. 

The pop-culture characterization of Beetlejuice, which is heavily influenced by the cartoon series to be clear, has always in my mind been a vaguely ageless being who matches with the psychological maturity of whatever age Lydia is supposed to be. He’s more or less like an imaginary friend, a manifestation of Lydia’s psyche. In fact, I would argue that i think most of us who grew up with the cartoon or it’s subsequent merchandizing before the musical ever existed probably internalized the idea as BJ and Lydia as this ageless, salt-and-pepper-shaker couple beloved by the goth community, similar to Gomez and Morticia. In each version of canon he may be a creepy ghost in the literal sense, but any adult who is capable of identifying literary tropes (even just subconciously) would read cartoon!BJ as an artistic representation of a socially awkward outcast girl’s inner world. Lydia’s darker dispositions and interests, which alienate her from most others, are freely accepted and embraced by her spooky magical friend. BJ/Lydia in the cartoon were depicted as best friends, but to my memory there was always an underlying sense that they had secret feelings for each other, which I identified easily even as a small child. In fact, their dynamic and behavior perfectly reflected the psychological development of the show’s target demographic. They are best friends who get into adventures and learning experiences together, who have delicate feelings for each other but lack any true adult romantic/sexual understanding to acknowledge those feelings, let alone pursue them.

Though I haven’t seen the Musical yet, I’ve read the wiki and I would argue that it embodies this exact same concept even more so for it’s own version of the characters, in that Beetlejuice specifically exists to help Lydia process her mother’s death.

This is not a complicated thing to recognize and comprehend whatsoever. In fact, it looks downright blatant. It’s also a clear indicator of what BJ/Lydia means to the women who have long loved it. It was a story about a spooky wierd girl being loved and accepted and understood for who she was, and it gave them a sense of solidarity. It makes perfect sense why those women would stick with those characters, and create a safe little space for themselves to and imagine their beloved characters growing and having adult lives and experiencing adult drama, in just the same ways that the women of the Labyrinth fandom do. That’s all these women were doing. And now, they can’t do it without facing intense verbal violence. That safe space is poisoned now.

Having grown up with the cartoon as one of my favorites and been around goth subculture stuff for decades, I was actually shocked and squicked at the original Beetlejuice film’s narrative once I actually saw it, because it was extremely divorced from what these two characters had evolved into for goth subculture and what they meant to me. It’s not telling the same story, and is in fact about the Maitland's specifically. In pretty much exactly the same way two different versions of Little Red Riding Hood can be extremely different from each other, the film is a different animal. While I imagine that the film version has been at the heart of a lot of this confused fear-mongering around all other versions of the characters, I would no more judge different adaptations of these characters any more than I would condemn a version of Little Red in which Red and the Wolf are best friends or lovers just because the very first iteration of LRRH was about protecting yourself from predators.

I would even argue that the people who have engaged in Anti-shipper behavior over BJ/Lydia are in intense denial over the fact that BJ being interested in Lydia, either as blatant predatory behavior a la the film or on a peer level as in the cartoon (and musical?) is an inextricable part of canon. Beetlejuice was always attracted to Lydia, and it was not always cute or amusing. Beetlejuice was not always a beloved buddy character, an in fact was originally written as a gross scumbag. That’s just what he was. Even people engaging with him now by writing OC girlfriends for him (as stand-ins for the salt-and-pepper-shaker space Lydia used to take up, because obviously that was part of the core fun of the characters), or just loving him as a character, are erasing parts of his character’s history in order to do so. They are actively refusing to be held responsible for being fans of new version of him despite the fact that he engaged in overt predatory behavior in the original film. In fact, I would venture to say that they are actively erasing the fact that Musical Beetliejuice tried to marry a teenager and as far as I’m aware, seemed to like the idea (because he’s probably a fucking figment of her imagination but go off I guess). The only reason they can have a version of this character who could be perceived as “buddy” material is because...the cartoon had an impact on our pop cultural perception of what the character and his dynamic with Lydia is. 

We can have a version of the Big Bad Wolf who’s a creepy monster. We can have a version who’s sweet and lovable. We can have a version that lives in the middle. We can have a version who’s a hybrid between Red and the Wolf (a la Ruby in OUAT). All of these things can exist in the same world, and can even be loved for different reasons by the same people.

I’ve been using Beetlejuice as an example here because it’s kind of perfect for my overall point regarding the toxic ideologies in fandom right now across many different spaces, including ones for progressive and queer media, and how much so many people don’t recognize how deeply they’ve been radicalized into literalist and sex-negative radfem rhetoric, to the point where we aren’t allowed to have difficult, messy explorations of imperfect, flawed humans, and that art is never going to be 100% pure and without flaw in it’s ability to convey what it wants to convey.

This includes the rhetoric I’ve seen across the board, from She-Ra to A:TLA to Star Wars to Lovecraft Country. We don’t talk about the inherent malleable, subjective, or charmingly imperfect nature of fiction any more. Transformation and reclamation are myths in this space. Everything is in rigid categories. It is seemingly very difficult for some of these people to engage with anything that is not able to be clearly labeled as one thing or another (see the inherent transphobic and biphobic elements of the most intense rhetoric). They destroy anything they cannot filter through their ideology. When women act in a way that breaks from their narrative of womanhood (like...not having a vagina), then those women must be condemned instead of understood. Anything that challenges them or makes them uncomfortable is a mortal sin. There is an extraordinary level of both hypocrisy and repressive denial that is underlying the behavior I’m seeing now. Much like toxic Christian conservatism, these people often are discovered engaging in the same behaviors and interests that they condemn behind closed doors (or just out of sheer cognitive dissonance). As an example, one of the people who talked shit to me about Labyrinth was a huge fan of Kill La Kill, which to my knowledge was an anime about a teenage girl in like, superpowered lingere (hence why I stayed the fuck away from that shit myself). Indeed, they even allow themselves plenty of leeway for behavior far worse than they condemn others for, and create support systems for the worst of their own abusers. 

Quite frankly, I’m tired. Instead of talking about theoretical problematic shit, we need to start talking about quantifiable harm. Because as far as I can tell, the most real, immediate, and quantifiable harm done because of anybody’s favorite ships or pieces of media seems to consistently be the kind that’s done to the people who experience verbal violence and abuse and manipulation and suicide baiting and death threats from the people who have a problem.

[bl-garbage]

to dance is to unshackle

um, okay—how else do i express this buoyant happiness that Gaya sa Pelikula has awoken inside me? i’m in complete and utter awe. i did not expect a drop of what the sixth episode has brought us. more than satisfying, it’s utterly fascinating. this is quite a lengthy post, but if you have the time, please bear with me. and since we’re already here, let’s fucking dissect the shit out of this:

right off the bat, it’s sweet how consistently written Vlad was the entire time of the show. at the start of the episode, for one, he was concerned with Karl’s disposition, saying, “anong iniisip mo (what are you thinking)?” and, later on, as we know, he pops that question again in this episode. what are you thinking? always in limbo. true, it’s considerate, yet more than that, it’s always a sign of waiting for permission. Vlad has been like this since the beginning: observant and willing to reach out, confident on the surface, yes, but always afraid of going overboard. 

that is not to say that Karl isn’t. in fact, the whole dynamics of their relationship rest on the fact that they can lean on each other and just be honest. many moments show this: Karl’s desire to shift; Vlad not getting  into the film lab and Karl knowing something was up; the entirety of Vlad’s birthday; Karl and Vlad’s reticence to open up to Anna, in contrast with how comfortable they feel with each other. in a nutshell, they’re each other’s homes. more on this later.

the part i was most frightened at with this episode was when Karl finally told his parents his desire to shift. to be honest, personally, i wouldn’t know exactly how that pressure on Karl feels, as i was able to study the degree i wanted. yet, back then, i had already known that my parents, who wholly supported me just the same, would have wanted a degree that leaned on science or engineering. that still sucked to know. Karl’s situation is much more complicated. his desire to shift to another course is to make up for lost time, a sense of hurrying before it really becomes all too late. this was a heavy lot to take in. the disappointment and anger in his father’s face when he dropped the bomb was too much to handle. Karl had expected it, yet its impact still hurled shrapnel that he was not able to dodge, sustaining him with several wounds. it would be curious to see how his parents come to terms with his confession. i am certain that a number of people have connected with Karl here.

which brings me to another point. Gaya sa Pelikula creates these characters with their own agency. it’s touted as a BL series, yes, but our two main characters’ point is actually not to fall in love — but to live, part of which is to fall in love. they have their hopes and dreams and own burdens to carry, and while falling in love takes centerstage here, we see how they can stand alone, on their own two feet. falling in love is central to their growth, but it is evident that love is not the whole point of their existence. 

speaking of which: ate judit. ah, yes, where do i even begin to explain the exquisiteness with which ate judit was written? how, after all of five episodes, it was only now did it make sense why judit was overly, unnaturally caring and protective, a mama bear that would not let anything happen to his little Vlad. now we know why: guilt.  

imagine that. being told you were the reason why your whole family went into shambles. there is much vindication in Vlad’s line of questioning, “why would you say that to a child?” (god, i’m tearing up even as i write this.) this was a pivotal scene, with a focal point on judit, the likes of whom we cannot entirely fault for not knowing any better. the fact remains that we are still in an era that fails to understand the spectrum of gender identities and the far utopia that we seek, where gender and sex would not be a damning classification anymore. and for true allies, it is in admitting that they “didn’t know then what [they] know now” that their support gains more strength. it is in confessing where they got wrong, how harmful their actions were, and in the commitment to do more, that their promise is made good.

parenthetically, can we talk about Vlad’s mom as well? have you all noticed how her voice broke when she said, “siguraduhin mong hindi ka na itatanggi niyan, ha (just make sure he won’t deny you, okay)?” was that pain, or guilt even? i wonder if we’re ever going to see her. it would be a regret not to. for so long Vlad had thought that he was the reason his father left, and that his mother was mad at his queerness. i wouldn’t want this simple call to be the resolution that the show had for him. at any rate, we have two more episodes to await, so i am not going to strike my gavel on this judgment just yet.

but whereas Vlad found his longtime coming reconciliation with his sister, Karl had no one to turn to. his call to Vlad was a cry for help. it was heartbreaking to see him like this. Karl had always put up a fake smile against any adversity that had come his way. to him, these were trivial matters that would pass, and they did so — until now. after all he was, as we would later come to know, living a script that had been prewritten before he even came to being. that explains his nonchalant demeanor toward life, the seeming discontent behind those dead eyes, and a repeated hinting that he was always yearning for so much more. at the end of the call, Karl instinctively goes to the closet - and his proverbial closet - and sees the skeletons he had hidden inside, drop in a mess. 

that it was Karl’s brother who was in the photo shook me. that past was so well thought out. things made so much sense in this episode: why Karl tried to fit in, why everything seemed so fake. why he was so discomforting to watch, even! that made sense now.  

and what do you do when everything has become a mess? the once seamless film that had been rolling without any glitches now sprawled on the floor, entangled in a hodgepodge well beyond fixing. when that happens, what do you do? well, you dance.

i have so many things to say about faux masculinity. it is a fact undisputed that in this society, gender roles are still very much pillars that we have yet to dismantle. our genders have been geared toward performativity, and our consolation is the external validation we receive through the acts of fitting in. in the process, we lose sight of what we really want. we blur the lines between what is and what should be, in favor of what society has demanded upon us. Karl took that role and lived by it religiously. yet, those things has gone haywire in this episode. more than his parents, it was to himself that Karl has finally admitted that the act can be dropped now: the fixed posture, those rehearsed lines, that painfully faux masculinity, on guard all the fucking time. all of those things were dropped.

that is not to say that Karl was faking all of it. there is no denying that Karl has been a masculine person most of the time. but the show portrayed before us a discarded femininity that Karl had been trying to bury deep inside him — one that all people who have been and who are still in the closet know by heart. the thing is, all of us have masculine and feminine sides, the expression of which vary at different levels in different situations. sadly, we have been preconditioned to believe that male persons must be masculine, and female persons must be feminine. Gaya sa Pelikula acknowledges this hegemony, and then throws it away all the same. true, Karl may very well be comfortable in his masculine expression, but his femininity must also be allowed to grow. one cannot be complete without embracing the entirety of who they are. many have died — been killed — for simply living who they are. society has long been a vicious environment. but people have also long fought for their fundamental right to perform these things, and through them, we know that things can change. that things are changing.

it is against this context that imprints more meaning, more gravity to when we finally, finally see Karl dance. in every sense, his dance was the show’s climax for me. it is, quite emphatically, freedom incarnate.

when i say i fucking bawled at this scene, you best believe it.

quite important to note: when Karl sees Vlad, he stopped abruptly, only for Vlad to signal to him, in an OK sign, that what he was doing was perfectly fine. that Karl could be effeminate all he wants, and who the hell in this earth should care? this allowance has given Karl all the needed validation he will ever need, at least, for that one night where they could bare it all. it was only the two of them, but the house has never been more crowded, because their feelings have seemingly exploded and have been overflowing in a glorious climax for all of us to witness. in this scene, Karl has unshackled the chains with which he had been bound all that time, and it was Vlad who helped him finally break the last of those chains. in this moment, there was only pure bliss.

(that the song playing here was Ride Home by ben&ben is the perfect giveaway. for non-Filipino readers who have only listened to ben&ben now, check this band out. it’s one of the best bands to have ever come out of the Philippine music industry.)

and, of course, in this waterfall of emotions, it is only perfect to time the moment of their first kiss. they have accepted each other, haven’t they? in a meaningful act (the gravity of which we will only realize in full later when Vlad tells the story of his dad), Karl rumpled Vlad’s hair, but only after Vlad had already consented to it. then, afterward, it was Vlad’s turn to ask, what are you thinking? to which Karl had this—and i know we all expected it, nevertheless—to say: i don’t want to think anymore. then they kissed.

i swear to god. i only watched this for the 92432475781 time.

the denouement was so well put, too: now everything is put back into its own place. Karl’s brother. his death. his parents’ expectations. the substitution. Vlad’s father. his parents’ expectations. the horror of realizing one’s difference. the abandonment. in these stories, it becomes more and more permissible to believe that Karl and Vlad have easily found comfort in each other. to say that they are soulmates (as the creator, juan miguel severo, told on his twitter) is not an exaggeration.

and, make no mistake: Karl and Vlad did not find each other’s embraces out of pity. no. it would be unduly harsh to view them that way. rather, they found solace in each other’s embrace and warmth, but it is still they who will muster the courage to face their own demons. the only difference is, they now have each other to find some sort of release. they are not destructively dependent on each other; instead, they help each other grow into the versions of themselves that they can be proud of.

finally, a couple of small things: look at the way Karl was inviting Vlad to lie in bed with him. that simple gesture harks us back to the early days of their dynamics: Vlad had expressed that it was okay to share a bed, but Karl was adamant that they do not. Karl had once dreamed of Vlad joining him there, and that scared him shitless. in contrast to that, now we have this: Karl himself inviting Vlad, and Vlad accepting for Karl’s wholehearted invitation. the moment this happened, there was a consummation of the expression of their love. if they had their doubts prior to this, those could not have been more obliterated now. 

needless to say, i fucking, fucking loved this. as one who has only ever written three fanfics (2gether and History 2!), all of which seemingly related to sleeping (what the fuck, do i have a sleep fetish or something), this ending to episode 6 is just the cherry on top. 

their lines by the end particularly strike me. here we have Karl who wishes to create his own stories. on the other hand is Vlad who wishes that he be in charge of the endings, too. how do they do that? who knows? but the certainty that defines their pact is that they shall do it together, unbound and free to dance to the song they have chosen of their own accord. and that simple promise, made in each other’s tight embrace under artificially warm lights amid that early january weather, with no certainty at all of what tomorrow has to bring, has made all the difference. 

in 34 minutes, Gaya sa Pelikula has, yet again, done more than we could have ever expected.

i just checked and this reached 2k words. i’m not even gonna attempt to proofread this anymore. anyway, this is all i have to say for now. i just simply cannot let go of the best episode i’ve seen in this show without expressing my own reaction to it. 

(also: i’m thinking of writing a fanfic; that is, the morning after. just a one-shot, hopefully a cute one. as usual, an introspection of these characters, and what lies ahead. hope i actually get to write it!)

thank you so much, Gaya sa Pelikula. you are proof that things do change.

[life-rewritten]

GIANTS OF BL 2021 AKA SHOWS LINED UP FOR GMMTV THAT WE WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT!

Is there a way I can get over the addiction of BLS? Apparently not because GMMTV came and slapped me across the face for ever thinking I could. Like what even was that conference? I came in like yeah I've heard the rumours. 6 BLs! LOL, you're kidding, like nothing I'd want would even happen. But I still made a list of everything I wanted from them and held that checklist in my mind and boy was I shocked! I ended up just on the floor, brain exploded, mind shut down and can you believe I was crying? Like why on earth was I crying for GMMTV BLs? Crazy right? I am absolutely left floored, I'm going to be crying as I write this by the way just so you know, I've got my heart full ready to burst, talking about the change we've seen in BLs this year, the journey, the growth; there's still some work to do, but GMMTV said they were also part of that, they were going to change and make us stay, wanting more. They did that in a 3-hour conference. My brain is ready, my mind is prepared, my heart is available for all these shows, and I can't wait to see what 2021 unfolds. Let's begin screaming:

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

THE NICE SURPRISES

BAKERY BOYS

Genre/Themes: Thriller, Bromance, Mystery, Psychological, Drama, Friendship, BL? (The manga is), Baking

Verdict: You know I love Antique when immediately I see that Foie's hands shaking as he has to be one of the waiters in the cafe, reminds me back to another favourite bodyguard of mine doing so. I was in shock; One because Antique was one of my first Korean 'BL' movies I saw, with all my favourite actors, an unusual and intriguing plotline and I ate it up; all of it. I didn't like how censored it was and the weird open ending for the relationship in the show. But I couldn't care less, something about it made me happy. I just loved the characters I think, and I enjoyed seeing our 4 bakers become friends and find a weird found family with each other. Add in a mystery to why Joon’s character wanted to kill himself and hated cakes? And I was sold. Now GMMTV is making a remake for it, and SINGTO is playing my favourite gay baker. Like I am so happy with this. Do I expect this to blow my mind? No. Do I expect more BL? A little? I'm not sure like GMMTV could make Antique a BL if they want to, Korea hinted to it, Japan ignored it in anime and others, but Thailand could change that. I'm not holding hopes for it, but I love this cast just as much as I love the Korean Cast like Lee Thanawat is perfect for this role, Singto is greater (I just love him so much) and we even have Pleum and Foei?? Are you kidding me? Greatness. It's going to be fun to see what they do with the mystery—something I greatly liked in the movie. Let's hope it's more fleshed out in the tv show. So excited!

Ratings: 3.5/5 I mean it's not really a BL so it'll feel queer baity for me and I may end up being annoyed it, but I really do have fond memories of the Korean movie, so I want to be excited, and the cast is everything so we'll see.

FISH UPON THE SKY

Genre: Unrequited Love, Comedy, Romance, Rivalry, Haters to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

DID SOMEONE SAY JITTIRAIN: THEORY OF LOVE? 2GETHER??? Sorry for screaming but like what else am I meant to do. Theory of love is my ultimate BL show, one of it anyway, one of the reasons will be discussed even more later with another show, but this is not about them. Also, 2gether is like one of the biggest BLs ever right now. Jittirain is genius, she has this ability to make you feel for her characters, root for their love stories whilst throwing plot twists everywhere. I also like that she always has a focus; theory of love, we had film theory, 2gether we had music, and now we have Fish Upon the Sky, and we have?

 Medicine? Love rivalry? Honestly, I don't know, the title even makes me feel even weird; what the hell does Fish upon a sky mean? But who cares it's a Jittirain classic, comedy, pain, longiiiing, and unrequited love, and scheming to get unrequited loves requited, more side couples and secretive characters. This time we have PHUWIN (had to emphasise that because he's impressive people stop sleeping on him!), one of my favourite youngins, showing up and becoming our main Pi and we have Pond a newbie, who has charisma for days, and he plays Mork, and they are love rivals. Wait what? A love story between two people who fall for each other after chasing after one guy? I'm ready for this, the haters to lovers, the pain of unrequited longing, but hold on it seems like a plot twist! Seems like we have another oblivious protagonist on our hand aside from Tine in 2gether, Pi can't even see that Mork isn't chasing after the same person as him, but for he's chasing after him! Sarawat scheming activated! I'm expecting giggles, chemistry and a great story. And it's going to be great because it's Jittirain. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 It's not anything new but do I need to repeat my self? Theory of love pining and longing and emotions mixed with 2gether's secrecy, scheming and obliviousness? It's going to be great. The cast is also excellent, I have total faith in this show, better be a good director though (oh no nightmares from the last half of 2gether has returned). 

FINDING ENCHANTE

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Harem, Mystery, 

Verdicts: 

Enchante that means nice to meet you aww. Wow, now I know French. Yay now where do I sign up to be like Theo and have 5 men chasing after me? Actually, that sounds like a nightmare, and I don't have time for that. He does apparently. Guess what guys! I knew I had a feeling in my gut when I watched this drama, I felt the memories, the intuition, the clues, hitting my brain, and I realised why. This show is also written by My gear and your gown's writer. YES! You mean more mystery and subtext filled storytelling, a show where I can analyse the character dynamics, and find clues to piecing the story together??? Perfection. As much as My gear and your gown wasn't everything to me, it was everything to me when I analysed it, I have fun with this writer's works when directed properly her works have great potential to be one of the best. I love GMMTV giving new actors the time to shine, and choosing stories that make my mind start working again. Thank you. 

With this show we're having a love Simon flashbacks with our Simon being sent secret messages through a book by Enchante, he's sweet, caring and totally all about making our lead comfortable. Who could he be?

 The best friend who's totally pining from afar and playing off his feelings like its nothing?  My gut is already saying that Tine definitely wants it to be him (so again requited but they don't know trope? you've got me!)

Is it the playboy guitar extraordinaire played by GAWIN you heard me right GAWIN my Mork in Dark Blue Kiss!! Like what? Where've you been boy? He looks so great in this, by the way, he's a tease, likes to play our lead's feelings, and has chemistry because they're haters to lovers.  

Or is it FLUKE PUSIT?? What even is this cast how is it both my favourite actors are here? Anyways Fluke is an artist, he wants our lead to let him in so he can draw him, our lead is his muse apparently, and again chemistry that makes your head hurt because like who is this damn Enchante?? Who will Theo choose? 

Anyways we then have two people who I don't know that well sorry, Boom is the football captain that likes our lead and is always protecting him, and the other is a genius/nerd? Who helps Theo with his studies? Like wow, it must be great to be Theo, guys from different lifestyles and aesthetics have found him, they want him, they need him and one of them he wants and needs. I wonder who it is. 

Ps people already thinking it's the best friend, not me, I think bestie is obviously endgame Tine is definitely also secretly wanting him to be with that pining and longing (I'm sure it's why he wants to find enchante desperately). I can't wait to see why these two refuse to let each other know how it feels. All I beg for is, please don't let New direct this. Guess what it's produced by X (Theory of Love! Hold on while I cry again) and Film! (Also theory of love!) Oh, this is going to be brilliant!

Ratings: 4.5/5 This drama is probably going to be the most underrated because people have other things to care about I don't blame you, but I think for me, this would be a same favourite way I loved MGYG and I'm ready for new faces, Gawin and Fluke and a requited but they don't know it angsty love story plus I know the directing is going to be amazing!. Ps, I actually hate harems, but the excitement is in figuring out who on earth is Enchante and why this is happening! 

THE BIG BOYS

GMMTV decided to not let me rest next year. How is it that I already felt happy by seeing Phuwin, Gawin, Fluke etc... I was content you know, I was like great we have a great line up I'm excited now I don't think there's anything else I secretly want that will happen. I'm being a clown, BUT NO. EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR: EVERYONE I WANTED TO SEE, EVERY TROPE I WANTED, THE DIRECTOR, THE PLOTS, EVERYTHING WAS MANIFESTED BY THESE THREE TRAILERS. That's why I ended up crying.  Because even till this day I can't believe this is real. I don't know when I'll finally think they will be real in 2021. Crying again!

NOT ME 

Genre: Gang, Mafia, Crime, Romance, Drama, Stolen Identity, Twins, Angst

Not me? Not you? Not us? See how my mind scrambles when it comes to this show. Because I was determined to not be a clown and believe in this even when I saw OFF GUN hold onto each other on the motorbike I was like HA, nope they're just guest stars, when I saw them as gang members I was like HA; interesting probably not BL. When I saw two Guns, I was like HA, nice Gifted character flashback but still not BL. I won't fall for it,  this is a BAIT! You get me? BAIT!! Don't fall for it and then GMMTV was like shut up here's a kiss. And then I broke down and cried. Because it was a journey. 

Remember when I said Theory of Love was my favourite? It's because of these two; OffGun is everything, my favourite BL couple on screen, my favourite fanservice couple, everything. I thought that the end of theory of love meant I won't be seeing them for a while, they'd be in other series separate, they'd not want to be typecasted. Gun would go for serious roles, Off will choose more het romantic comedies, don't blame them. Still, I didn't think I'd see them again, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them in another university setting. I set my mind on only seeing them in fan meetings and side projects, I'd made up my mind to miss them. And then NOT ME happened, and now I'm crying just at the thought;

This isn't a cringy, comedic, cheesy BL. 

This isn't set in University.

This isn't'  unrequited pining from Gun to Off.

Gun is Dark! I repeat Gun went Dark he became a gang leader determined to break the law, called Black and Off; OFF went serious and he's Gun's right-hand man called Sean, and I'm just like wait is this real?? We're getting dark, gritty OFF GUN??? Are you serious?? See?? still can't believe it, and it's BL??? What is this? Christmas?? Like how did we get this, who came up with this idea THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

I thought nothing could beat theory of love for me and now OffGun came back and said HA you thought. I have a lot of feels about this, I will never stop screaming, I've rewatched that youtube trailer now for about more than 20 times, I'm not even kidding you, every day it's on repeat, I'm just ready, ready to write, to scream, to talk about this in so much detail. Let's get a plot that's deep, thrilling and mysterious, let's get a romance that is interesting, angsty but also sweet, let's get acting that is full of range, that will break my heart but fix it together again, let's get chemistry that would make me forget everything else. I'm ready for this. I've never been more ready!

Ratings: 5/5 What were you expecting? I can't even rate this anything else, nothing about this is worrying; even the director I trust she's also worked with Gun before in another movie of his, she respects LGBTQ, and she wants to make a great BL. I just can't believe this is real. 2021 come faster, I beg you. 

BAD BUDDY 

Genre: Forbidden romance, Haters to Lovers, Romance, Comedy, Opposites attract, Angst, Friends to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

You thought my screaming would be over. But no. GMMTV wasn't done with me yet. It's like it knew I was mourning from my lack of Ohm Pawat after rewatching He's coming to me (review here) and it knew I had just finished watching Gifted Graduation and felt slighted to see my opportunity at seeing Nanon as a BL character being taken from me with that finale. GMMTV knew I was empty without them and decided to mock me, and put me back together by making OHM NANON in a series together,. 

Again the same process as Not me; I started laughing when I saw the trailer like a mad person. I was like this is clearly a queer bait bromance, HA, not falling for it GMMTV almost got me this time, but then there were the stares, the Romeo and Juliet energy, the sneaking into each other's rooms, the becoming secret friends despite being haters to lovers, the skinship, the intimacy, and then the jealousy, the pining, the longing, the are we just friends scene??? WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? Why is AOF directing this (same director of ALL my favourite BLS), what is this GMMTV? 

Nanon wouldn't be in a BL we know this, we've been clowns, but we accepted this with defeat, why is he now saying he's doing one because of the cast? THIS IS A BL? NOT BAIT? NOT A TRICK? BY AOF? WHATTTTTTT???? see my mind exploded. 

Since then it hasn't still comprehended this. This is insane, do you know how good, how genius, how amazing Nanon and Ohm Pawat is?? Do you see the power this holds? The fact it's directed by Aof who's like one of the best directors ever in GMMTV??? Do you even know what this means? For this GENRE??? Sorry, I have to scream. I still can't believe this! This is something someone would say, and we'd laugh it of as a joke like yeah right, in your dreams, but it's real, and it looks absolutely amazing, is it a university setting YES, so what? This is everything, with haters to lovers but not really, to Romeo and Juliet pining and longing, to the chemistry that takes your breath away. To just Ohm and Nanon in a screen together being in love. Yep, you guessed it my mind is never goanna be whole again after this breakdown. Guess what I'm okay with it. 

Ratings: 5/5 OhmNanon, Aof that's it. That's the post.

A TALE OF A THOUSAND STARS

 Genre/Themes: Military, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Heart Transplant, Unrequited Love, Fish out of water, 

Verdict:

 And we come to this big one here. You see it? It screams 2021 show of the year to me, it screams incredible plot and romance to me, it screams unique and exciting BL to me. Guess what? It's also by Aof. Ha. It took me a year to accept this is happening because when the trailer came out, I knew that with this cursed genre that this was too good that there'd probably be some kind of issue with it. But did it matter? No! Because this was real. Earth and Mix were in a BL together, and it looks so amazing, so great, and it's coming in less than 3 months. I'm going to cry. And it means everything; because there's a hint of character dynamics, angst and also haters to lovers. I see the chemistry, the production, the plot, the actors, and I just feel so ready for this show that I have no other words to say except I love it, I love it, I love it!. 

Ratings: 5/5 It's taken years, but I'm ready for this, I just want the trailer now, I want the show now, I want 2021 to start now. This is definitely a giant for sure, it's everything, and I can't wait for it. 

After screaming at everything; 2021 starting with ATOTS is already a sign, we're in for a great year with so many incredible changes in this genre. GMMTV isn't messing around, with subs in their event to show international fans are no longer forgotten and are heard and respected, with actors that have made their way into my heart and refuse to leave, and I'm just so happy. It may seem so extreme to be this excited for a BL series to be good, but I love this genre, I love seeing what it represents to so many people, I love the interesting storylines, the discussions you can have for days because of it, the tears, angst, and happiness you feel. But most of all I love how BL has brought out writing from me, I'm happy when I analyse this genre, I'm delighted discussing real-life links and conversations derived from it, I'm so glad learning and humbling my self and opening my mind to new things. BL has been a source of excitement, shock and happiness this year. I can't for next year to be even more splendid, and with this line-up, it's going to be even more than that. It's going to break the world. Can't wait. 

[firelxdykatara]

I would love to hear your thoughts/headcanons for bi Katara! Bi Zuko I get because *Will Smith poses at Jet* but I can't remember her having any interactions with girls (at least in AtLA) that could be read as romantic/sexual. Not that that's a prerequisite, I'm really just curious to hear what sold you on it.

I’ll be honest, a huge portion of it is ‘I’m bi, and I love Katara, and as she is my favorite character I get to decide her energy is bi af and I’m valid’. Another big part is ‘these assholes have made “homophobic katara” such a popular and widespread headcanon that if I have to drown it out with a million and one KATARA IS UNAPOLOGETICALLY BI, SHE LOVES GIRLS AND SHE LOVES BOYS AND SHE NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS THE SLIGHTEST BIT STRANGE posts then I fucking will’, particularly in light of the fact that I absolutely despise how a couple straight men decided to inject institutionalized homophobia into a fantasy world where there was absolutely no need for it, and where there’d been no real hint at it before the sequel series comics where it was revealed, so I reject it whole-heartedly (along with most of the comics tbh) and everyone is queer bc I make the rules and I fucking said so.

But also?

That sentence could easily be written like this: “I can’t remember her having any interactions with girls her age who weren’t a) her brother’s love interests, or b) trying to injure/kill her.” Because she really doesn’t. And even if you expand that to include Toph (who, while younger, is the same age as Aang, Katara’s canon love interest), well, Toph likewise had a crush on Katara’s brother.

Katara gets singled out as the Token Straight, while Toph and Suki get to be queer in fandom, despite the fact that neither of them had any interactions with other girls that could be read as romantic either (which, again, is an issue with the show itself--it’s great that there are multiple amazing female characters, but the lack of interaction between them is a little telling; the only real female friendship we have an example of other than Toph and Katara is the snarl of abusive dynamics between Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee, none of whom get any real narrative focus other than Azula at certain points, because they aren’t main characters--meanwhile there are multiple friendships between male characters to choose from just amongst the gaang), and it’s hard to look at that and not see elements of racialized misogyny, particularly given the fandom’s clear disdain for katara during this recent renaissance. Why is the darkest-skinned girl the one the fandom comes down on, often derisively, as the Token Straight, and also the Token Homophobe? Why is Katara the one that fandom decided to hate for how often she mentions her mom, the source of her greatest trauma (and yes, Katara’s trauma here is worse than Sokka’s--he may have lost his mom too, but a) he didn’t see her dead body, nor was he saddled with the guilt of not having gotten back fast enough to save her, or the additional hit Katara took when she had it confirmed that her mom died to protect her, and b) he had Katara there to step up and take their mom’s place as family caretaker, a luxury Katara did not have), when Zuko is over there mentioning his honor even more often and fandom loves him for it, because even the jokes about it are affectionate?

Anyway, I kind of went off on a tangent here, but the bottom line is--Katara is bi because I said so. She just has that energy, a disaster bisexual on the opposite end of the disaster bi spectrum from Zuko. She looks at a pretty girl and thinks she wants to dance with her until their hearts are racing so fast she feels like she might explode, and then she looks at a pretty boy and thinks his lips seem like they must be soft and warm and his smirk makes her toes curl, and when she realizes she’s attracted to someone she goes bright red in the face and even the softest brush of their hand against hers makes her blood pound in her ears and she gets distracted every time their eyes meet and everyone else just knows, especially Toph who can always tell when her heart is racing.

Katara is a bi disaster and I love that for her, and I will never budge on this headcanon. Anyone who disagrees with me is simply wrong and that is that.

[bottleofspilledink]

God’s Watching, Put on a Show || Chapter XIV

It seemed shame and guilt were now constants in her life, far more fervent and unrelenting than it was before; the things Eve did that night were things she would have to take to her grave.

She lay on her stomach, mere inches away from the door, using the little light that seeped in from the hall to read. By no means was it ideal, but she’d take what she could get. Better to have sore limbs than an angry mother discovering her reading (and a gay book, no less!) if she goes to check why the lights are still on.

The book – she considered it a diary for a good while based on formatting, but she couldn’t call it that anymore, not after what was in it – was finished in a single, somewhat uncomfortable sitting. Despite of all the questionable morals and queer subject matter, she practically gobbled it up, forgoing sleep, near unblinking in her pursuit to find out what happens next.

What she was more ashamed of, though, was the fact that Lilith’s note never did leave her hand, always cradled in her palm, her fingers tracing over the letters absentmindedly, thumb dancing over the corners. It stayed in her grasp long after she hid the book away. She pressed it to her chest, feeling the constant pitter-patter of her heart just beneath the paper, just beneath her clothing, just beneath her flesh, just beneath her ribs.

It beat. No matter how hard she willed it to stop. It beat for Lilith.

With love, from Lilith.

She longed to press her lips to the letter, where Lilith’s hands once were. What did Lilith think of while writing this for her? Of all the words she could have used, of all the things she could’ve written…

With love.

Her mind spun a fantasy from memories of them, earlier and yesterday and the day before that, from the brief period of them knowing each other, a mixture of yearning and delusion and of darkness, making her hope and wish, no matter how wrong it may be, that the dot just after Lilith’s name was a heart. It looked like a heart, if you squinted at the top. It could have been a heart. She’d scribbled things in the margins of her notebooks and knew that sometimes ink bleed, and what should have been a tiny heart became a mere dot. The thick, dark pentel pen obscured Lilith’s intent from her.

Love.

Eve wanted it to be a heart. She wanted so much more than that, though. She wanted to kiss the letter. She wanted to kiss Lilith.

Even thinking that, a silent confession in the confines of her mind, made everything hurt. A karmic punishment (or so she thought). It made her chest ache and clench, her breath quicken, her palms sweat.

The crucifix dangled overhead, a reminder of her sin, her greed, the promise of heaven the threat of hell. Eve should not want. To want is to sin. And yet, she did.

Her eyes drifted from the letter for the first time in hours.

It scared her, that crucifix and all that it meant.

But it did nothing to stop her want.

She pulled the covers over her, hiding from horrified parents, from disgusted friends, from an unjust world, from a cruel God. It wasn’t the same as when she cocooned herself in Lilith’s embrace, wasn’t the same as when she buried her face in the crook of Lilith’s neck. It didn’t even come close. But she would have to make do.

Under her quilt, she sighed. Relief. But not only that. In that breath was longing and sorrow and love. Oh, so much love. How could a single breath contain it all? Her fingers trembled. Even under the cover of darkness, her chest ached. Whether it was the tender ache of love or that of fear gripping her didn’t matter. Could she tell the difference at this point?

She held the paper gingerly and, at long last, pressed her lips to the letter, to Lilith’s name, to the small dot she still wanted to be a heart. Her actions were soft, gentle, careful as to not crumple the note. And again, lips grazing over the letter smoothly.

One of her hands let go of the paper, moving down, rustling the soft fabric of her nightgown as it passed her stomach and went lower still.

Her fingers twitched. Hesitance.

Then a sigh, barely heard through the sounds of frantically shifting fabric.

Another soft kiss to the paper. A stifled gasp.

It was sunrise by the time she poked her head out of the covers, panting.

 ...

Eve sat next to Lilith in homeroom, silent despite the hustle and bustle of the room; most girls having gotten up to talk to each other and compare clubs while it wasn’t too late to switch.

She could feel it, even now, her bathwater scalding like hellfire, pelting down on her skin as harsh as hail. Her fingers were still pruney from the long shower. The flush of her irritated skin hadn’t gone down by much, either, though she couldn’t tell if it was from the heat of her shower or the lingering shame. Her thighs burned something fierce, a mixture of near-boiling water and constant, repentant scrubbing.

A self-inflicted punishment.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” She whispered.

Eve didn’t really think she had the right to judge the other for stealing the books, especially after what she’d done, but cruel and horrible as it was both to her and Lilith, chastising another would make her feel better.

If only marginally.

Lilith didn’t even respond, a mere eyebrow raise her only answer.

A dare to continue? A display of anger, annoyance?

She couldn’t tell.

Still, she went on.

“It was library property. You can’t just take a book out of the library without borrowing it, that’s stealing.”

Nothing she said made the burning stop. It was as if hell itself had come to make a home within her, a now dirty, violated temple of the lord. The shame didn’t fade and the guilt still sat deep in her chest, her stomach. She’d scoop it out if she could.

Wasn’t that a pretty image? Her hands deep in her ribs, black sludge flowing freely from her innards, its source unknown by anyone but God. Her sin coming to a physical fruition via the dark liquid rising in her throat, spewing out gruesomely, grotesquely. Maybe it would choke her. Or maybe she would just explode.

“Why’d you take the book?”

Lilith’s expression finally morphed from what she thought was a questioning passiveness to a sad smile. It wasn’t like her other smiles, but just like before, it was like the girl knew something she didn’t.

“So I could give it to you.”

She felt like crying again, a frustrated, incredulous sob rising in her throat. Even after everything she’d already seen, after everything that had already happened, she could hardly comprehend Lilith’s words.

Sensing this, Lilith spoke again: “I did it for you.”

It was said so simply, so easily, despite the weight it held, like an anvil turned feather, but not quite; the weight was there, mind you, but Lilith was all too happy to carry it.

“And it’s not stealing,” She argued, shrugging, “it didn’t have the sticker so it wasn’t in the system. Nobody besides you even knew it was there.”

“Still.”

A second passed. It was neither tense or relaxed, more expectant than anything else, Lilith knowing she was going to say something more.

“The note…”

Said item sat squarely in her skirt pocket, folded and protected by her embroidered handkerchief. She tried leaving it at home. It had been slid under the base of her antique lamp before she rose and showered. But the fear of it being discovered lingered, leading her to pocket it before leaving.

That wasn’t the only reason she couldn’t leave it behind, though.

For barely underneath the fear was longing, a longing to be close to the note, to hold it to her. Even now, her fingers twitched, aching to palm it under the table, just out of view.

“What about it?”

Thoughts of the dot echoed in her mind and she vaguely pondered whether confirming Lilith’s intent was worth seeming utterly delusional.

“Did you… mean that?”

“Mean what?”

It could’ve been anything, the answer to that question. Just yesterday when Lilith said it was going to be okay. When she said taking care of someone wasn’t tiring, not when it was her. The time Lilith deserved someone better than a man who only cared for her looks. The note, the thing she was actually here to ask about.

“Love.” Her only answer; the only word brave enough to dare go past her lips, the only one she could form despite the near-overwhelming myriad of possible replies.

She didn’t even know if it would be enough.

“Eve,” Lilith smiled again, tender and filled with what could only be… “When have I ever lied to you?”

And it was.

For the both of them, it was enough.

____________________

AAAAAAAAA HELLO!! YES THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT AT ONLY 1500+ WORDS BUT ALSO THIS WAS A REALLY GOOD PLACE TO END IT SO I’M SORRY ;--;

Taglist: @atahensic @anomiewrites @leahstypewriter @madame-ree @melpomenismask @littlemisscalamity @phillyinthebathroom @gaypeaches @extrabitterbrain @pirateofblood @i-wanna-be-a-rock

As a little side note tho, CHRISTMAS BREAK STARTS SOON!! I’m an atheist so I don’t actually celebrate it tho since I live with my very Catholic family who doesn’t know I’m an atheist i also sorta do,,,,, bUT THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!!!! I’m telling y’all about the break mostly because it starts on the sixteenth of December and ends two of January which is like,,,,,,, a lot of time to write so please stay tuned for that 💛

(Might drop a chapter on the twenty-fifth,, just for shits and giggles :P)

[fanfic-corner]

Darling, So It Goes

Happy holidays, @slothbaby424! I may not have had as much time as I would like to have had to work on your @destielsecretsanta2020 fic, but I hope you enjoy it anyway (so sorry but it has not been proofread. At all). And a big thank you to @exmintha for the idea when I was struggling!

Again, here’s the playlist. It’s not necessary, but I like listening to music while writing and it’s got a load of Christmas bops on as well!

And, here’s the fic! It is 4639 words, and here’s the link on AO3 if you prefer.

{o0o}

“Pretty please?”

Dean huffed in annoyance, shifting from foot to foot. He really didn’t want to spend a day being pestered by demanding young children and their parents, but when Donna asked like that… well, he wasn’t a monster. “Fine. But if anyone gets any kind of bodily fluid on me, I am out.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, sweetheart,” she replied, grinning wildly, and Dean had to smile back. And so, that was how Dean Winchester found himself decked out in the full Santa outfit - beard and hat included - for the Wayward Sister’s Christmas party. 

Ever since they had set up the girl’s home, Jody and Donna had insisted on a big Christmas party. The first year, it was just a way to entertain the kids for the day, but since then it had evolved into an affair of epic standards. Practically the whole of Sioux Falls would show up at one point or another, usually with presents in tow. One year, Jody had confessed to Dean that they probably wouldn’t have been able to keep going without the support they got at Christmas.

To start with, Dean was not a good Santa. There were so many children that he had to keep track of, and who all wanted something and asked awkward questions that he didn’t have the answer to, and the hat was itchy and he could hardly see past the beard. By the time lunch rolled around, however, he had gotten into the swing of things, and was actually starting to enjoy himself.

That was when a stranger dumped a litre of chocolate milk over a guest’s head.

{o0o}

Castiel had been very grateful to get an invitation to a Christmas party, especially one from the people who had helped him adopt his son. He had learnt the hard way that society really doesn’t like gay people adopting kids, even if they were single.

Two hours after arriving, however, he was starting to have second thoughts. There were way more people than he expected and he had never been what someone might call a ‘social butterfly’. More like an ‘anti-social slug’, as Gabriel had once called him. The food was nice, but as it turned out, not all the people were.

“So, where’s your wife? Leave you with the kids, did she?” a man - Zachariah, Castiel thought his name was - said, punching him in the arm slightly harder than necessary.

“Oh, no, I enjoy doing things with Jack. And I’m not married.” 

Zachariah looked Castiel up and down, and let out an interesting noise. He supposed it was probably meant to resemble disbelief, but to him, it sounded like an elephant stomping on a whoopee cushion. “Divorced, are you?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. Did this man realise he was asking wildly inappropriate questions? He had half a mind to say ‘widowed’ just to see his reaction, but he didn’t dare. “No, I’m not.”

Zachariah seemed mildly uneasy at that, as if he wasn’t sure what other options there were left. “Well, I’m sure a nice lady will come along soon.”

“Actually, I’m gay,” Castiel corrected. So what if it wasn’t 100% true? In his opinion, this idiot deserved to be made as uncomfortable as possible.

Zachariah’s reaction was a little more… extreme than he was expecting. And, by extreme, what Castiel meant was that the man seemed to go through several stages - disbelief, at first, then confusion, and then his posture turned rigid and his face started turning a deeper and deeper shade of tomato red - before completely exploding into some kind of homophobic rage.

Castiel wasn’t even listening to the man ranting, just picking up words like ‘Jesus’ and ‘disgusting’ and more slurs than he could count. He was more concerned by all the children nearby who could hear the garbage this man was spouting, and he needed a way to quickly shut him up.

So, he took the obvious route, and poured the entire carton of chocolate milk that he had got for Jack over his bald head.

{o0o}

Dean felt, as Santa, he should probably go and sort out whatever argument the two morons were having that led to the waste of a perfectly good drink. He had been concerned about kids getting some kind of gunk on him, but apparently adults were equally messy.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Dean asked, standing slightly in between them even though he couldn’t imagine either of them starting a fist fight. The guy covered in milk looked furious, but he was the kind of jerk who wouldn’t want his suit to get any messier than it already was, and the other dude looked like he was in some kind of shock.

“This- This queer just assaulted me!” Suit Man shouted, and Dean suddenly and rather desperately hoped that that chocolate milk was never coming out.

“Excuse me?” he asked, not entirely sure how to respond to that.

“It’s disgusting. They shouldn’t be able to raise a child in that lifestyle. It’s appal-”

“Shut up,” Dean said, rather forcefully and uncomfortably aware of the entire room’s eyes on him.

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said, shut up. What is really disgusting here is your behaviour. You think it is okay to be horrible to another human being just because of who he loves? Now that is bad parenting.” 

If anyone asked him later, Dean would say that he was fuming. That his anger was clouding his judgement. That this dude was being an asshole at Christmas in front of kids. Maybe that’s why his brain spotted the teachable moment - no one argued with fucking Father Christmas - and leaned down, slowly pulling the other man towards him and kissing him gently.

To be honest, Dean was sure that he would pull away. In fact, he gave the stranger plenty of time to do so. But instead, he kissed back. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he also saw what Dean was doing. But they kissed, and Dean knew, somehow, that it was the beginning.

{o0o}

Castiel went to that stupid party because he thought it would be a good way to entertain Jack for the afternoon, and instead left feeling simultaneously embarrassed, with the bonus of a random man’s number. Who he had kissed. In front of a room full of people.

To his continued surprise (although Castiel thought that perhaps there was a limit on how many surprises he could process in one day), the man - Dean, he said his name was, seemed genuinely interested in going on a date with him.

The Roadhouse didn’t look like a particularly romantic spot, but he was not backing out now.

“You must be Castiel.” A stern-looking woman looks him up and down before nodding in approval. “I’m Ellen. You better not hurt my boy,” she warned with a threatening smile, gesturing towards where Dean was sitting in a booth in the corner. He was clearly not reading the menu, his eyes glassy and unfocused, but he fiddled with it anyway, his leg restlessly bouncing under the table.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greeted as he sat down, hoping he was hiding his nerves as well as he thought he was. Remember, fake it ‘til you make it, Meg’s voice reminded him. She had been so excited when he called her about his date, threatening him with unspeakable violence if he didn’t show up. Although, Meg could threaten unspeakable violence about anything. She once left the entirety of his cutlery drawer under Castiel’s duvet just because he forgot to feed her cat once.

“Hiya, Cas,” Dean replied, grinning at him. Even though he was clearly nervous, he still seemed sincerely glad to see him, and it warmed his heart. “You don’t mind if I call ya that, right? Oh - before I forget, you should totally get the Elvis burger. It’s absolutely amazing.”

The meal went remarkably well, considering that Cas usually avoided dates like the plague. First dates were the worst - the annoyance of getting to know each other, and the inevitable awkwardness at the end - and he rarely saw anyone more than once. After a particularly bad night, which had ended with Meg having to come and pick him up from a park during a thunderstorm, Cas had sworn off dating. Yet, here he was, and he couldn’t deny he was enjoying himself.

Just as they had finished eating, two girls bounded up to the table. They clearly knew Dean somehow; one was skinny and blonde and Cas could swear that he could see a knife peeking out from her apron, and the other had flaming red hair and a t-shirt which proclaimed ‘the internet is broken, so I’m outside today’.

“Wanna decorate cookies with us?” they exclaimed at the same time, and before he could process what was happening, Cas had been dragged over to the kitchen where there was already a tray of perfect biscuits cooling on the counter.

The next half an hour was spent in a whirlwind of icing and sprinkles and sugar, and Cas loved every minute, although he really hoped that none of the cookies ended up being given to customers, because he had seen Jack make mud cakes more hygienic than this. Charlie sat in a corner on her phone, blasting Christmas music while focused on texting and taking pictures, whereas Jo was thoroughly entertaining herself by drawing inappropriate designs on her biscuits. Dean and Cas’ actually ended up looking okay, but neither of them were artists, so the cookies still looked like they had been decorated by a toddler.

When they were finished, they left Charlie and Jo to clean up and went back into the main area of the now empty restaurant. A new song came over the speakers, slow and enchanting, and Dean offered Cas a hand. “A dance before you go?”

Dancing with Dean, Cas decided, was magical. They swayed together, gradually getting closer and closer until their chests were pressed together and Cas’ head was resting on Dean’s shoulder. For a minute, Cas could forget everything but this moment. He allowed himself to simply be lost in the music and the warmth of Dean’s body, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat and feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

As the song ended, Dean carefully pulled apart just enough to lean down and join their lips in a tender kiss, and Cas thought that he could be in heaven.

But the kiss only got deeper and suddenly Cas’ mind flickered back online just in time to remind him what a ridiculous idea this was. Red flashing lights screamed and wailed and reminded him of what always happened, and the sudden warning jolted his body into action, pulling away from Dean in a panic.

Dean looked down at him with a lazy smile, only frowning when he realised something was wrong. “Cas? Wha- did I do something wrong?”

Cas was shaking his head and reversing all at once, all higher functioning processes having been thrown out of the window. He was babbling, apologising and saying it wasn’t Dean and all the while he knew he was on the edge of some kind of embarrassing meltdown, so in the end, he let his feet do the talking, and fled.

{o0o}

Dean didn’t think the fact he hadn’t left his house in two days had anything to do with the best date he had ever been on ending with the other dude running out on him, but apparently Charlie did. She had been pestering him all day, asking if he wanted to help her decorate for Christmas or go and get milkshakes or watch a film. No matter what she suggested, Dean always declined. He wasn’t feeling it, and if it had anything to do with the trenchcoat staring at him from across the room, he wasn’t going to admit it to anyone.

It wasn’t the first time someone had run out on him, of course, but usually that was on a particularly awkward date or if something bad had happened. He just couldn’t understand what had sent Cas running out of the Roadhouse like that, so panicstricken that he forgot his coat which he came with. Dean didn’t think he had read the situation that badly; in fact, he had been sure that the other man had been enjoying their date.

He sighed and pulled the pillow over his head, trying to ignore his phone as it pinged constantly. Yeah, it was probably Charlie spamming him, but there was always the chance it could be Cas…

Charlie: What about we just go on a really long drive?

Charlie: You can pick the music

Charlie: You shouldn’t be cooped up on Christmas eve eve!

Charlie: Dean Winchester, you better not be ignoring me

Charlie: Dean???

Ellen: You still coming to the party tomorrow?

Oh, shit. Dean had totally forgotten about the Annual Roadhouse Christmas Bash. It was the perfect opportunity to distribute the presents and cards he bought, there was plenty of delicious (and free!) food, and it was generally the highlight of his Christmas. Everyone would be there - Ellen and Jo, Bobby, Charlie, and practically everyone else who lived within a hundred mile radius.

No matter how down Dean was feeling, he wouldn’t miss it for the world. In his opinion, family came before everything.

Dean: course i am

{o0o}

“Come on Clarence, it’s Christmas!” Meg encouraged, nudging Castiel’s shoulder. “I’ll go with you, and Claire can watch Jack. She already agreed.”

Castiel looked down at the napping toddler, one thumb in his mouth and a teddy clutched tight in his tiny hands. It felt like he had barely spent any time with his son in forever, even though he knew it wasn’t true. He knew that if he really didn’t want to go, Meg would let him weasel his way out of this particular social gathering, but he couldn’t help but think that it might be good for him. 

“An hour’s all I’m asking,” Meg begged. He was surprised she hadn’t threatened him with Nair or something yet.

“Fine.” Just one hour, and then a quiet Christmas. What could possibly go wrong?

{o0o}

Dean had busted out his favourite leather jacket, and (at Charlie’s desperate begging) was even wearing just a bit of eyeliner. He was determined to not let his failed date ruin his favourite thing about Christmas, and he would be damned if he spent another minute thinking about Cas.

(So, maybe he had brought the forgotten coat along with him, but that was just so he could give it to Ellen in case Cas came in the Roadhouse again! She was much more likely to see the dude again than him, anyways. It wasn’t Dean’s fault that - because of Charlie’s enthusiasm  to get inside - he had left the thing in the Impala's trunk.)

For the first hour, his plan entirely succeeded. He was distracted by the gift exchanging and the procuring of food and catching up with old friends and avoiding people he didn’t like (namely that one girl who delivered food for Ellen sometimes who he could swear was a demon). It was only after the hour mark when he swore he saw a familiar mop of dark hair, but he immediately dismissed the thought. No way.

He went into the kitchen and chatted to Benny for a while, enjoying catching up on his old friend’s life. Perhaps he got a bit distracted when he heard a familiar gruff voice in the hallway, but other than that, he was sure that his mind was playing tricks on him. Besides, Jo was always up to something. Just because she had a glint in her eye when she came into the kitchen, it didn’t mean anything special. Probably just that some poor fool had a whoopee cushion on their chair somewhere.

It was about halfway through the party when Dean’s plan really started to fail. The music suddenly seemed too loud and the once friendly crowd suddenly made him feel claustrophobic. The smell of burgers and chocolate - no matter how delicious Dean knew they were - was making his stomach roll. The best course of action, he decided, was to step outside for a few minutes, to get some fresh air.

He didn’t expect to find Castiel already out there.

{o0o}

Meg - being Meg - had absolutely insisted, upon their arrival at the Roadhouse, that she didn’t know that it was the location of Castiel’s failed date. Apparently she had been invited (with a plus one) because she occasionally delivered food for them or something, but Castiel smelt a lie in there somewhere.

It would be fine. One hour, free punch and food, and he could go home. He could avoid Dean for one hour. He might not even be there.

An hour in, and Castiel was sure he wasn’t there, in fact. He politely greeted Ellen (who glared daggers at him, which he felt he deserved) and Charlie (who apparently knew Meg). He had a conversation with Jo outside the kitchen (which mostly consisted of him asking where the toilets were and Jo asking if he had called Dean). In fact, he was actually having a fairly pleasant time when he realised that they probably wouldn’t make it home in time to relieve Claire of her babysitting duties, so he quickly rushed outside to call her, but she didn’t pick up.

God only knew where Meg was, but she was - as she put it - a ‘big girl who could handle herself’, so Castiel didn’t bother waiting up. He simply called a taxi, hoping it would get there before he froze to death. He still hadn’t managed to find his favourite coat, and he had deeply mourned his loss.

He was so caught up in hopping from foot to foot and thinking about how much of a tip he was going to give Claire that he nearly didn’t hear the voice coming from the doorway.

“Cas?” Dean Winchester asked.

Fuck, he thought, slowly turning around to be met with the sight of the gorgeous man with a handsome jacket and eyes like a forest. Oh, he was so fucked.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas replied instead, not sure what else to say.

The younger man walked up to him tentatively, as if any quick movement he made might scare Cas off. “Uh… what are you doing here?”

“Meg convinced me to come,” Cas answered, his eyes never quite meeting Dean’s.

“Meg? She- Is she your girlfriend?” Dean looked hurt, but Cas couldn’t help but laugh.

“God, no. She’s my neighbour,” he chuckled.

“Oh, sorry,” Dean mumbled.

It was a lot quieter outside, but even with the background noise - wispy notes of music and the occasional growl of a car’s engine in the distance - their silence seemed deafening. Neither of them was quite sure what to say, and even though Cas knew that it was him who owed Dean the explanation, he did not have the energy to explain himself. In all the twenty two years in which he had understood his sexuality, he had never once been able to describe his experience succinctly, or even in a way that wasn’t babbling nonsense.

Of course the taxi was taking its sweet time to show up.

“I’m sorry,” Cas blurted out, at the same time Dean stammered, “why did you leave?”

They are silent for another moment. “It’s hard to explain,” Cas hesitated.

“Well, I’d kinda like to know,” Dean snapped, wincing as the words came out of his mouth. “Sorry, ignore me. I’m being a dick. You don’t have to explain if you don’t want-”

“I’m asexual,” Cas declared abruptly, cutting Dean off.

Dean opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds, trying to process this. Cas knew, he just knew from the look on his face that this conversation was going to be as horrific as it is every. Single. Time.

“I’ve not heard of that before,” Dean eventually stated.

Cas sighed. He liked Dean, he genuinely did, but it was usually The Talk that scared people off. “I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

“Oh,” Dean mumbles, sounding disappointed. “So, the other night…?”

“Romantic and sexual attraction are two different things. I enjoyed our date, but I… panicked, at the end. People tend to, uh… expect things, and I didn’t want to lead you on. Sorry, again. I should have handled it better.”

“S’okay. So you don’t have sex at all?” Dean asked, deadpan. Suddenly, he realised what he said, and he clapped his hands over his mouth. “I am so sorry. That is such a weird question. Don’t answer that.”

Cas huffed out a laugh, watching his breath disappear into the night. Looking up, he watched as the stars winked at him against the inky backdrop, and he took a deep breath. “Would you like to go on another date?”

Cas finally allowed himself to look at Dean, and he was greeted with a warm, sincere smile. “I would love that.”

The moment was broken when Cas’ phone rang, and he fumbled to pick it up with his frozen fingers. “Claire! Sorry I’m late, I’m on my- what’s wrong? Claire, slow down. The hospital? Shit, I’m on my way.”

Cas glanced up at Dean, barely registering his concern, only managing to choke out, “Jack is in the hospital.”

{o0o}

Dean didn’t even hesitate. There was no way in Hell he was gonna let Cas wait for a cab when his son was hurt, and he was bundling the distressed man towards his car before he could even protest. “Which hospital?”

Cas stood by the passenger door completely rigid, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Dean, what are you doing?”

Dean looked at him incredulously, one eyebrow raised. “Giving you a lift, dumbass. Baby is way faster than any taxi.”

“Baby?” Cas asked, but he got in the car anyway.

Luckily, the Roadhouse was only a twenty minute drive away (if you went by the speed limit, and Dean most certainly did not) but even that seemed like an age when he was trying to simultaneously not crash the car and comfort the man in the passenger seat. Dean didn’t have any kids of his own, but he could imagine that this was the worst possible thing that could happen to Cas; to have your own child in danger and not being able to be with them must be torture.

Cas was opening the car door before they had even come to a full stop, and by the time Dean had parked, he was already inside. By the time Dean caught up, he was already deep in conversation with Jody’s daughter, who was distraught. It was almost scary; Dean remembered her as the girl who had thrown a full grown man out of a second story window because he groped her, and every interaction he had ever had with her had made her seem like a badass.

“What’s going on?” he asked, gently shepherding them towards a seat in the waiting room. 

Cas wasn’t listening. He had already stormed off and was in a heated discussion with the receptionist, who kept shaking her head more and more forcefully. 

“A dog attacked him,” Claire hiccuped. “Just came out of nowhere and started tearing at him.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Dean assured her, bringing in a hug. He didn’t even care that she was probably getting snot all over his favourite jacket.

Cas stormed back over, looking like he was ready to level a city. “They won’t let me see him until they’ve operated.”

“Shit,” Dean replied, a plan forming. “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. Claire, you go outside and call Jody and ask her to pick you up, ‘kay? I’m gonna call someone at the Roadhouse to bring some supplies so we can camp here overnight if we need to… Cas, do you have a spare key or something? I can get someone to pick up some stuff from your house that you might need?”

“Meg has a key,” he sniffled.

Fifteen minutes later, everything is as sorted out as it can be. Bobby - the only person left who is safe to drive -  was giving Meg a lift to Cas’ place to pick up their things and to bring some food, and Jody was there to pick up Claire. 

“It’s not your fault, kiddo. Go home and get some rest, we’ll keep you updated,” Dean reassured her.

An hour later, the doctors agreed to let Cas in to see Jack, assuring them that he will be absolutely fine. When Cas finally untangled himself from Dean’s side, he seemed reluctant to leave him, but Dean just smiled gently at him and squeezed his hand. “I’ll wait right here,”

In the end, Jack gets discharged the very same night, coincidentally right as Bobby and apparently an entire ensemble from the Roadhouse show up. Jo is there with enough leftovers to feed an army, and Charlie and Meg had enough blankets and bags of clothes with them that Dean winced when he spared a thought for the state Cas’ house was going to be in. 

It was a little awkward when Cas walked out of the hospital with a sleeping Jack in his arms, bundled in one of the many blankets, but Bobby just huffed and offered to give them a lift back home. Charlie clambered into the Impala without a second word - it would not be the first time she had slept over at Dean’s while drunk - leaving Dean to say goodbye.

“Night, Cas. And Merry Christmas,” he said, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas replied, and they both knew he wasn’t talking about the holiday wishes.

{o0o}

The next time they actually managed to see each other was New Year’s Eve. Dean had shown up on Cas’ doorstep with chocolate, an armful of fireworks, and his usual lopsided smile. Obviously, he was not going to be refused.

They set the fireworks off as soon as it went dark, Cas holding Jack a safe distance away while Dean lit them, his silhouette dancing in the darkness of the garden. The bangs elicited excited squeaks from Jack, his eyes open wide in awe. He had never seen fireworks up close before.

After Jack had been tucked into sleep, Cas returned downstairs to find Dean lounging on the porch, two glasses of champagne poured. They sat outside for hours, watching the explosions of colour mix with the stars until it was impossible to tell them apart. 

Cas couldn’t help but think that Dean was beautiful in this light; mellow and golden, his eyes sparkling underneath a halo of sparks.

Before long, it was a minute to midnight. “I… can I kiss you again?” Dean mumbled, his eyes flicking over to Cas nervously.

He smiled reassuringly. “I think I would like that.”

“Oh, uh, awesome.” It was hard to tell, but he was sure that Dean was blushing furiously. “I just wasn’t sure if you were, like, aromantic or something.”

Cas’ eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You know what that is?”

“I googled it all after you told me. Figured I should probably learn all the terms, y’know?”

All of a sudden, Castiel realised that he might be falling in love. No one had ever bothered doing anything like that for him before.

A chant started up in the distance, a thousand voices all counting down at the same time.

Ten

Nine

Eight

Dean gently cupped the back of Cas’ neck, pulling him closer until he could feel the warmth of his face.

Seven

Six

Five

Cas smiled up at him, lost in the forests that he called eyes.

Four

Three

Two

“Happy New Year, Cas,” Dean whispered, and their lips collided, better than any firework.

[withthekeyisking-writer]

What are your comfort fics? Like, the ones you read again and again

I love the idea of calling them “comfort fics” :)

And yes, I do! I’m assuming this ask is wishing for me to list (see: recommend) the fics and not just tell you that yes I have them lol, which I’m happy to do! May they bring you as much joy as they bring me. Gonna leave out the PWPs though XD

Usually for recs I just do a small description of them in my own words, but for these I’m gonna add a bit of why I love them since these are really the fics that stick for me lol.

1) Nay, I Can’t Resist Thee by Gement. In the words of the author: “The one where a total stranger asks Batman to hit him in the face and, against all odds, this is an effective meet-cute strategy. It spirals out from there. Way, way out. (Come on in, the water's fluffy-kinky-queer.)”

So I’m not usually one for fics centered around an OC, they can go wrong in so many areas, and the only reason I clicked on this fic to begin with was the Superbat tag lol. But the instant I started reading this I fell so in love with the main character (Zach) and all the other OCs you meet along the way. It is a sweet, kinky, heart-warming fic, and I am literally rereading it right now (open in another tab) because I never get tired of it.

2) Through the Glass by dentalfloss. A fic in which Clint Barton is manipulated by a less-than-moral SHIELD agent into joining the organization. Literally unable to ignore a direct order from any superior agents, Clint’s career and life are very different than if he’d chosen to be there of his own free will.

Lookie here, my DC dudes, this harkens back to the days when all I wrote and read was Clint Barton. Gotta do that again sometime. So this fic is just such an interesting story, a slow build and all of Clint’s emotions towards being forced into this situation and how he grows with it and tries to work around it and then how the Avengers and Coulson get involved--it’s just so captivating.

3) What a Racket by meaninglessblah, and its sequel These Walls Have Ears, But They Won’t Talk. In which Jason is a (not quite clean) cop and Dick is a mob boss, and Slade is a (actually clean) cop who unfortunately gets caught by their bullshit.

These are really fun and sexy. I love the way blah characterizes Jason and Dick in this world, it makes me smile. And Slade’s entire POV in the second part is golden.

4) Different Kinds of Value by pentapus and Skalidra. In a space au, mercenary Slade wants to buy a pretty slave to distract his target. He ends up buying Dick, who is very much not a regular slave, and has a few tricks up his sleeve.

This is just such a fucking cool fic. Like you know those fics that just have you vibing? That’s this. The worldbuilding is super awesome, Slade’s POV is very interesting, and BAMF Dick is always a blast to read. There’s one scene in particular that I reread all the time because it’s just killer.

5) Lies by greyheart. The Avengers witness Clint Barton be killed, but fourteen months later they realize their mistake--he was captured and tortured instead, and now he’s really, really not on their side.

This fic is badass. The story is compelling, the emotions incredibly raw, and reading a Clint who is so angry and betrayed and hurt is really fascinating. I love reading his interactions with the other Avengers so much, and nothing ever feels rushed or forced. Warning for the fact that this is incomplete.

6) come around again (only want to say goodbye) by hito. A Hannibal (tv show) fic that takes place in a world where Hannibal is incarcerated and Will still works for the FBI, and occasionally Hannibal breaks out to bring Will soup or visit him in the hospital.

It’s sweet and fucked up and definitely a little cracky, and somehow completely fits the entire vibe of the tv show and the dynamic between Will and Hannibal. Also just very fun to read Jack’s head explode over and over again.

7) Anti-Social by Unpretty. A batfam story surrounded mainly around Tim and Bruce, told through various social media platforms.

I really don’t think I even have to explain this one. I literally laugh out loud reading this fic. If I’m having a seriously bad day, this is where I come. Do yourself a favor and read it.

8) Make an Ass of U and Me by Huntress79 and Sevidri. Takes place in the DC movie universe. A story in which Clark meets Dick without knowing he’s Bruce’s son, and makes a few wild assumptions that get in the way of any budding relationship Clark might be wanting to have.

This fic is incredibly sweet and soft. The pining is adorable, and I really love this outside look at Dick and what a reconnection between him and Bruce might look like in this universe. 

9) From the Ashes by pikachumaniac. Skyfall (James Bond) au where Q (not me ;)) was one of the agents M got in exchange for Silva when she gave him up to the Chinese. Silva, when he returns to cause havoc, has his target set on Q as well as M.

A gripping, fascinating, dark story that feels incredibly in character for everyone involved. I’ve always thought Silva was a fascinating (and obviously batshit insane) character, and this fic really shoots the moon with that. Very good.

10) What Goes Around by KouriArashi. Teen Wolf fic where after the Hale fire Kate also kills Sherriff Stilinski, and Stiles goes off with Peter to hunt the hunters who kill without discrimination.

I really love this AU. Stiles and Peter are a fantastic pair, and watching tiny Stiles turn into a BAMF (with magic!) is super awesome. There’s also some Sterek if y’all are into that, and a really great father-son bond between Stiles and Peter. Totally worth it for this line:  “I lost one dad to these assholes. I’m not losing another.”

11) You Can Leave Your Hat On by TheResurrectionist. Bruce Wayne gets kidnapped a couple times and stripped to his underwear, and the press have a field day, Clark Kent from the Daily Planet in particular.

It’s kind of funny that Superbat isn’t one of my main ships and yet there are three Superbat fics on this list (counting #1, which isn’t focused on Superbat but has the ship in it). Maybe it’s because they have so much potential for pure fluff, and that really does fit the “comfort” aspect of this list. Anyway, this fic is one that just makes me smile.

12) A Bat and Some Authority by Arsenic. A Dick/Midnighter/Apollo series in which poly discussions are had and relationships are built.

So fucking sweet and touching and sexy. It makes my heart warm to read. I push this series onto everyone I can because everyone should read it.

13) Silhouette by mariana_oconnor. Bucky and Steve are agents of SHIELD, and Clint and Natasha are on the other side of the law. Somehow, this doesn’t stop Bucky and Clint from falling in love.

Talk about a blast of a fic. This story is so enticing and exciting and sweet. Seeing stuff from both Bucky’s POV and Clint’s really adds to the fun of everything, seeing how they keep missing each other and the half-things they know about each other and the way Steve and Natasha react to the budding crushes--just so much fun.

I hope y’all enjoy these fics as much as I have! <3

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

"In retrospect, you could say I was beginning to question things.

But then it was 2018, and a couple of things happened. First, Love, Simon came out in March, which was one of the most electrifying, unforgettable, truly extraordinary experiences of my life. But having your book adapted to a film brings a lot of notoriety and attention, especially online, and it’s not always the fun kind. Unsurprisingly, there was quite a bit of discourse about my identity — how could there not be? Love, Simon was the first gay teen rom com to be released widely by a major film studio, and it was based on a book written by an allocishet woman. Yes, the film’s director was openly gay. No, not everyone cared (frankly, a lot of people still don’t know Love, Simon was based on a book). But in many online spaces, my straightness was a springboard for some — legitimately important — conversations about representation, authenticity, and ownership of stories. And for some people, my straightness was enough to boycott the film entirely.

Then Leah on the Offbeat came out about a month later, and the discourse exploded all over again. There were thinkpieces based on the premise that I, a straight woman, clearly knew nothing about being a bi girl. There were tweets and threads and blog posts, and just about every single one I came across mentioned my straightness. And when Leah debuted on the NYT list, authors I admired and respected tweeted their disappointment that this “first” had been taken by a straight woman. Of course, Leah wasn’t the first f/f YA book to hit the New York Times list. And maybe people were wrong about the other stuff too. But the attention and scrutiny were so overwhelming, and it all hurt so badly, I slammed the lid down on that box and forgot I’d ever cracked it open.

At least I didn’t remember I remembered.

I deleted the sexuality labels from my website. I declined to answer certain questions in interviews. I’d get quietly, passionately indignant when people made assumptions about other authors’ gender identities and sexualities. And I’d feel uncomfortable, anxious, almost sick with nerves every time they discussed mine.

And holy shit, did people discuss. To me, it felt like there was never a break in the discourse, and it was often searingly personal. I was frequently mentioned by name, held up again and again as the quintessential example of allocishet inauthenticity. I was a straight woman writing shitty queer books for the straights, profiting off of communities I had no connection to.

Because the thing is, I called myself straight in a bunch of early interviews.

But labels change sometimes. That’s what everyone always says, right? It’s okay if you’re not out. It’s okay if you’re not ready. It’s okay if you don’t fully understand your identity yet. There’s no time limit, no age limit, no one right way to be queer.

And yet a whole lot of these very same people seemed to know with absolute certainty that I was allocishet. And the less certain I was, the more emphatically strangers felt the need to declare it. Apparently it was obvious from my writing. Simon’s fine, but it was clearly written by a het. You can just tell. Her books aren’t really for queer people.

You know what’s a mindfuck? Questioning your sexual identity in your thirties when every self-appointed literary expert on Twitter has to share their hot take on the matter. Imagine hundreds of people claiming to know every nuance of your sexuality just from reading your novels. Imagine trying to make space for your own uncertainty. Imagine if you had a Greek chorus of internet strangers propping up your imposter syndrome at every stage of the process.

The thing is, I really do believe in the value of critically discussing books, particularly when it comes to issues of representation. And I believe in the vital importance of Ownvoices stories. Most of the identities represented in my books are Ownvoices. But I don’t think we, as a community, have ever given these discussions the care and nuance they deserve.

Consider the origin of the Ownvoices hashtag. It was created in 2015 by author Corinne Duyvis, with the purpose of highlighting stories written by authors who share the same marginalized identities as their characters. But Corinne has always emphasized caution when it comes to using Ownvoices to determine which authors can tell which stories. And she’s been incredibly clear and emphatic about not weaponizing the term to pressure authors to disclose private aspects of their identities.

So why do we keep doing this? Why do we, again and again, cross the line between critiquing books and making assumptions about author identities? How are we so aware of invisible marginalization as a hypothetical concept, but so utterly incapable of making space for it in our community?

Let me be perfectly clear: this isn’t how I wanted to come out. This doesn’t feel good or empowering, or even particularly safe. Honestly, I’m doing this because I’ve been scrutinized, subtweeted, mocked, lectured, and invalidated just about every single day for years, and I’m exhausted. And if you think I’m the only closeted or semi-closeted queer author feeling this pressure, you haven’t been paying attention.

And I’m one of the lucky ones! I’m a financially independent adult. I can’t be disowned. I come from a liberal family, I have an enormous network of queer friends and acquaintances, and my livelihood isn’t even remotely at risk. I’m hugely privileged in more ways than I can count. And this was still brutally hard for me. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for other closeted writers, and how unwelcome they must feel in this community.

Even as I write this, I’m bracing for the inevitable discourse — I could draft the twitter threads myself if I wanted to. But I’d rather just make a few things really clear. First, this isn’t an attempt to neutralize criticism of my books, and you’re certainly entitled to any reactions you might have had to their content. Second, I’m not asking you to validate my decision to write Simon (or What If It’s Us, or mlm books in general).

But if I can ask for something, it’s this: will you sit for a minute with the discomfort of knowing you may have been wrong about me? And if your immediate impulse is to scrutinize my personal life, my marriage, or my romantic history, can you try to check yourself?

Or how about this: can we all be a bit more careful when we engage in queer Ownvoices discourse? Can we remember that our carelessness in these discussions has caused real harm? And that the people we’re hurting rarely have my degree of privilege or industry power? Can we make space for those of us who are still discovering ourselves? Can we be a little more compassionate? Can we make this a little less awful for the next person?

Can you tell I’m angry? Because I’m angry.

But I’m grateful, too, for those of you who understood the hidden (and not-so-hidden) threads of my books before I did. I’m grateful for the writer whose vulnerability made all of this finally click into place for me. And the ones who put their hearts on the line to hold space for people like me. And the ones who made me feel like I was allowed to care about this. And, of course, I’m grateful for the books. Some of you have no idea how much your words have helped me find mine.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I’m bi. Sorry it took me so long to get here. But then again, at least the little red coming out book I needed was already on my shelf (in about thirty different languages).

I think I finally know why I wrote it."

author Becky Albertalli ("Love, Simon", "Leah On The Offbeat") on her coming out process and the harsh criticism she had to face for he books (whole article here)

I think this perfectly illustrates why we, as a community, should stop assuming other people's identity

[kakuriyo]

Has the staff/studio admitted galo/lio are a thing or are they saying 'just bros'? I'm new to Promare and the fandom and am so used to being queerbaited. *frustrated bi sigh*

trigger hasn’t confirmed nor denied them being anything other than friends. even then i can’t recall the term ‘friends’ being specifically mentioned (correct me if i’m wrong). it IS pretty obvious though that they developed a close bond and shared intimate moments throughout the film. keep in mind as well that it has been mentioned before that any of trigger’s works are open to fan interpretation (expanded below).

since you didn’t ask for this long of an answer, i’m going to give you one anyway. strap in cause there’s a lot to unpack.

SIDE NOTE TO ANYONE ELSE READING: please keep in mind these are just opinions. the movie is highly enjoyable either way and ofc you’re free to believe what you want. ignore this and happily move on if you don’t want to. there’s an obvious stigma towards shipping in general (tbh i’m hesitant myself sometimes) but with promare there’s a lot of room to read between the lines so here we go~

spoilers below

ok so first and foremost:

this screenshot was taken from this tweet specifically and i want to reiterate that this is all purely fan speculation and mainly my view(s).

i didn’t intend for this response to get as in-depth as it has, but now you’re coming down the rabbit hole with me. i'm going to briefly talk about this memo of sorts i found from op’s twitter linked above. (this is from the original messenger, not the acc that posted the convo.) it’s about their personal views regarding promare, LGTBQ, and japanese culture. 

op brings up a good point that western and japanese cultures are extremely different. that much is obvious and i didn’t fully grasp it until i started to write this response. op brings up another good point and that is: trigger quite possibly didn’t intend for all this queer-baiting to happen because of these huge differences. WHICH IS TOTALLY OKAY AND UNDERSTANDABLE because gay thoughts aside, promare is simply a great movie about two dudes who come together and save the world. 

now with that out of the way, here’s me ranting about aforementioned dudes and my western gay thoughts.

1. there’s this scene which pretty much speaks for itself. galo is talking about wanting his matoi gear but the gesture is self-explanatory. i mean look at the way his hand is even positioned.

2. then the most obvious scene to discuss is when galo kisses performs ‘CPR’ on lio in order to save his life. the action shouldn’t come as a surprise since galo witnessed lio do the same to a previous mad burnish member. and since it’s not a random course of action, i can understand why people don’t think anything more of it. i still have to commend trigger for the tasteful scene (pun intended) though. speculations aside, the moment seamlessly ties together the two’s relationship and how lio has come to rely on galo.

the screenshot below is also from the wiki about this scene. take it with a grain of salt since it’s a fandom page.

3. after the kiss CPR, the two form galo de lion to save the world and this happens in the fire/cloud formation that follows:

trigger thought they were being sneaky. or maybe they didn’t. who knows? (see above). personally, i don’t understand why the heart shape was necessary, but staff chose to include it. and while it’s common for westerners to believe the heart is a sign of romance, that may not be the case in japan. however, idk cause this is the extent of my current knowledge. 

4. another thing worth mentioning is lio’s clothing throughout the film. in the beginning, he starts out in his full burnish armor. soon after, he’s seen with his actual clothing which is adorned with buckles, belts, etc (this is also used as a symbol, but that’s not the point of this academic essay. stay tuned for part 2). at the end of the film, he’s seen shirtless.

the reason behind this is mentioned on lio’s wiki page and also expanded upon by the twitter op i mentioned above. as he becomes closer to galo, he slowly sheds his constraints and becomes free. you can even say that lio opens up his heart to galo. 

when you think about it, lio being shirtless makes perfect sense since galo himself never wears a fucking shirt. a fitting end. (ooo another pun. that one was unintentional.)

5. there’s a few things outside of the movie too. the lyrics to inferno for example. assuming the song is from lio’s pov, which a lot of people have (idk if it’s confirmed), the lyrics can be interpreted romantically (or even platonically if that’s still your vibe. although if you’ve read this far, i’m assuming you think they’re at least a little gay by now):

if we also assume that the subject of the lyrics is galo, lio is either calling or associating him with home. regardless of what you think, the song still shows that galo and lio have a close relationship.

6. also for your consideration, the official wedding bands: 

even though the rings are directly associated with the franchise, the designs are pretty neutral. it was a smart move from a marketing standpoint. twitter and tumblr once again exploded with fanart and the shipping/movie hype continued.

7. lastly here are some official arts for your thoughts:

TLDR; galo and lio are gay (maybe) but not really cause you’re free to interpret it however you the fuck you want.

thanks for coming to my ted talk