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lupinqs · 11 days

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CHAPTER FOUR ━━ Caged Bird

☆ ━ pairing: hopkins!paige x oc (dani callan)

☆ ━ word count: 6.9K

☆ ━ warnings: literally just outright homophobia w a slur (sorry), conversion therapy, religious guilt, dani’s just super fuckin depressed, too damn long to proofread

☆ ━ links: my masterlist, take me to church masterlist

☆ ━ author’s note: here is where you can learn more about conversion therapy. believe it or not, this is still a fucking problem in the US today, as an estimated 20,000 minors are subjected to it yearly i believe. just because instances of it are included in this does NOT by any means mean that i condone it. one of my friends actually went through something similar for a little while and it’s so fucked up. if anything, this is to bring awareness of the fact that shit like this is still happening!!!!!!

MAY 2019

DANIELLE CALLAN has never felt more content in her life. The soft morning lights spill through the blinds, casting golden stripes across her bedspread. She stretches lazily, her body still buzzing happily from last night. Everything has finally fallen into place. She and Paige finally said it—finally admitted their feelings, after all the years of hiding behind jealous stares, half-hearted jokes, and touches that lingered far too long to be deemed friendly.

Paige left earlier this morning, ready to catch her flight that’ll take her away for the rest of the summer. But even the distance can’t dampen the giddiness Dani feels, all over, almost like she’s caught some sort of illness that has her body and mind repeating Paige, Paige, Paige over and over again. She lays in bed, replaying when Paige she kissed her on the porch, when she kissed her goodnight, when she kissed her good morning, when she kissed her goodbye. Her mind glazes over as she remembers the blonde whispering “I love you” into her ear like it was a secret only they were allowed to share. It all felt so right, so natural, like they’ve always meant to be together in that way.

Dani pulls her phone from the nightstand, grinning at the last text Paige sent her, the one she’s been glancing at all morning.

Paige ❤️‍🔥

Boarding now. I love you

Can i call you when I land

Dani ❤️‍🔥

ofc you can

i love you too have a safe flight ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥!!!!!

Dani holds her phone to her chest, cheeks blooming pink, a smile spreading across her face. It’s real now. All of it. For the first time, she doesn’t have to pretend, doesn’t have to wonder if Paige feels the same way. The uncertainty is gone, replaced by a warmth that makes her feel like she’s floating.

Reluctantly, she swings her legs over the side of the bed, knowing she has to get up. She pads over to the window, trying to pul the curtains open a bit more, eager to let the light flood in. However, it seems as though they’re jammed, and, after a poor fight on her part, Dani sighs, rolling her eyes and letting the curtains stay closed, engulfing the room in darkness.

Nevertheless, she’s still smiling as she heads downstairs, the scent of coffee wafting through her nose, the faint sound of the TV playing in the living room registering. Her dad’s probably watching his usual morning news, she figures. She feels lighter than air as she bounces down the steps, a pure happiness that’s been harder to come by recently.

But as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, something about the atmosphere seems to shift. Dani’s stomach flips anxiously; the air feels heavy all of a sudden—thick. She pauses, her hand resting on the banister as she peers into the living room. Her dad is sitting in his usual spot on the couch, but something seems different—off. He’s hunched over, elbows on his knees, his phone in his hand. The TV’s on, but the volume is low, almost as if it’s been forgotten.

Not to mention that her dad’s expression isn’t what Dani’s used to seeing. There’s no relaxed, Saturday-morning ease in the way he sits. Instead, his face is set in a rigid, tense mask, his jaw clenched so tightly Dani can see the muscles in his neck straining. His eyes are fixed on his phone, unmoving, and there’s a darkness in them that makes her want to go right back up to her room.

“Dad?” Dani’s voice is cautious, her lighthearted mood evaporating as she takes a few tentative steps forward. “You okay?”

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at her. It’s odd. Usually, he’d greet her with some offhand remark or ask about her plans for the day. But now, there’s nothing. Just silence.

Dani’s unease grows, her inside twisting with unfamiliar dread. She steps closer, trying to get a better look at him. “Dad?”

Finally, he looks up. His eyes meet hers, and the expression on his face is enough to make her swallow thickly, unsure how to feel. He looks at her angrily, coldly, and it sends a jolt through Dani’s chest.

He says nothing at first. Instead, he simply turns his phone around, showing her the screen. At first, she can’t make out what she’s looking at—just a video, playing on a small square of the screen. But then her heart plummets into her stomach as she recognizes what exactly is being filmed. The porch. Her and Paige. Last night.

Her breath catches in her throat as she watches the footage. There Dani is, fumbling with her keys while Paige kisses her neck, whispering those three words that meant everything. The video captured it all—the giggles shared between them, the way Dani turned around and pulled Paige in for another kiss, savoring it. This moment that was meant to be just theirs, is now playing out in front of Dani’s father’s eyes.

Fuck. Dani should have realized, should have remembered. They have a Ring doorbell—it takes footage of any movement near it. But she was drunk and stupid and in love and she’d forgotten. And now, by the look on her dad’s face, she’s about to pay for that.

Her mouth goes dry, her heart hammering in her chest as she looks up at her father. He’s still holding his phone out, eyes smoldering with an anger that makes her feel like she can’t breathe.

“Dad,” she whispers, voice barely audible. “I can explain—”

“What the hell is this, Danielle?” he interrupts, his tone low, the kind he only uses when he’s really, really angry. It makes her flinch.

She opens her mouth, but words don’t come. What can she say? How can she possibly explain something she’s barely had enough time to process herself?

Her dad stands abruptly, his movements sharp and filled with barely restrained rage. “You think this is acceptable? In my house? Under my rules? I—I don’t know what happened. You’ve always been a good girl. Danielle, you have a relationship with Christ! How could you do this? How could you throw everything I’ve given you, everything I’ve done for you, everything God has done for you for… for this?” He shakes the phone in his direction, his voice rising. “For this disgusting, sinful bullshit!”

Dani recoils like she’s been slapped, the weight of his words pressing down on her. The thoughts that she’s pushed to the back burner of her mind echo quietly, agreeing with her father. It’s wrong. A girl loving another girl is wrong. Sinful. But the part of her mind that’s taken over, the one that thinks about the blonde basketball player day and night and can’t help but think about how right it felt to be with Paige in that way, fights back. “I—I can explain, I swear—” she starts, but is quickly interrupted.

“Explain what?” he spits, face twisted in disgust and disappointment. “There’s nothing to explain, Danielle. I saw it. I saw you—kissing that girl. Paige.” He says her name like it’s some kind of poison, and it makes Dani’s chest constrict. “I knew something was off about that friendship. You think I haven’t noticed how you two are always together, always too close?”

Tears well up in Dani’s eyes, her whole body tensing in a panic. “It’s not like that—”

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” he snaps, eyes flaring. “I saw what I saw. And I won’t tolerate this… this perversion under my roof.”

The tears begin to pull over now, Dani’s chest heaving as she tries to fight the sobs that rip through her. “Dad, please—”

“You’re not seeing her again,” he cuts her off, his voice final, cold. “I don’t care how long you’ve been friends. I don’t care that you’ve known her since you were kids. I don’t care that she’s our next door neighbor. Whatever that is, it’s ended. Now.”

Dani shakes her head frantically, panicking, tears falling faster. “You can’t do that!” she shouts, voice cracking. “Please, Paige is—she’s my best friend—please—we”

“No!” he yells over her, vocals booming around the room. Dani flinches, her body trembling as she wraps her arms around herself. “You will not see her again. You won’t even go near her. Do you understand me?”

“Dad, please, just listen—”

“I said, do you understand me?” he repeats. “This is not up for discussion, Danielle. She’s a bad influence, a—” he hesitates, and then with a sneer that makes Dani’s stomach churn, he hisses, “She’s a filthy fag, and I won’t let her corrupt you any more than she already has.”

His words hang in the air like a death sentence, and Dani’s world tilts on its axis. It feels like the floor has been ripped out from beneath her. She’s never heard her father speak like this, never seen such venom in his voice. Of course she’s known he’s homophobic; he’s made off handed remarks every now and then, says things about how “those people” are disappointments to God. But this? The way he’s looking at her—it’s like she’s a complete stranger to him. Like he doesn’t even recognize his own daughter anymore.

The sobs break free through Dani’s chest and her hands shake as she covers her red-rimmed eyes with them. “Dad, please,” she begs, though she knows it’s probably useless at this point. “Please don’t do this.”

But her father’s expression doesn’t soften. If anything, it grows harder, colder. “Go to your room,” he says through clenched teeth. “I’ll deal with you later.”

Dani looks up at him, her vision blurred with tears. “Dad—”

“I said, go to your room!” he practically roars, and the sheer force of it makes her stumble backward toward the stairs, body shaking.

Her heart is in her throat and she’s trembling uncontrollably as she turns and runs up the steps, her sobs echoing in the otherwise silent house. She barely makes it to her room before collapsing onto her bed, her face buried in her pillow as she lets her tears free fall.

Everything’s ruined. Her dad hates her. He’s seen everything—and now he hates her.

And Paige…

Dani can’t even let herself think about that. How, just hours ago, she had everything, and—within minutes—it all slipped between her fingers.

And now all Dani can feel is shame.

JUNE 2019

The camp—if that’s what you could call it—isn’t the kind of summer camp Dani expected when her father first mentioned it to her. No, this place isn’t about hikes or bonfires or s’mores. It’s something else entirely.

They call it a “church camp,” but it didn’t take long for Dani to realize what it really is. Conversion therapy, as simple as that. A way to “fix” her, to cleanse her of her sins.

The camp is deep in the woods, secluded and quiet, the kind of place where no one would hear you scream, where no one would notice if you disappeared for a few months and come back changed. The other girls and boy here are like Dani—at least, that’s what she’s been told. They’ve been sent here to be “cured,” to be saved from the deviance inside of them, the sickness that led them astray from God’s light.

At first, Dani tries to resist. She fights it, mentally at least. The idea that something so integral to her—love—could be a disease was unthinkable. She thinks of Paige, her best friend, her first love, and tries to remind herself of the warmth, the joy, the rightness of it all. Paige always made her feel seen. Safe. Loved. How can any of that be a sin?

But as the weeks drag on, the messages seep in, and, slowly but surely, Dani’s defenses erode. The camp counselors—rigid, strict men and women with eyes that seem to stare straight into your soul—speak of salvation and sin in the same breath. They quote scripture, twisting it into something Dani never heard before, making her feel like her very existence is a rebellion against God.

They say the attraction she feels for Paige is a temptation, a test from the devil himself. That her love isn’t love at all, but lust, base, and immoral. Every day, they hammer this message into her through sermons, through private “sessions,” through exercises designed to break down her spirit, to rebuild her into someone who can conform, who can be pure again. They say they’re just trying to help her.

The forest surrounding the camp becomes a symbol of her isolation. The trees loom tall, casting long shadows over the compound, as if the very earth is trying to swallow her whole. There’s no escape, no outlet. Dani’s never felt more alone in her life. She wants to cry, to scream, to run, but there’s nowhere to go. No one to turn to.

Her days become a blur of routine and control. They take everything from her. Her phone, her freedom, her identity. She isn’t allowed to speak of Paige—hell, she isn’t even allowed to think of Paige without facing repercussions. They watch her closely, scrutinizing every move, every glance, every word, looking for any sign of weakness, any sign that she hasn’t fully accepted the “truth.”

Some days are easier than others. On the good days, Dani finds herself almost numb, going through the motions, letting the words of the counselors wash over her without sinking in. But on the bad days… the bad days are hell. On the bad days, the guilt is so overwhelming that she can hardly breathe. She’ll lay in her cot at night, staring at the ceiling, her mind racing with thoughts she can’t quiet. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I am sick. Maybe I’m not supposed to feel this way. Maybe… maybe Paige will be better off without me. Maybe I’ll be better off without Paige.

The worst part is that she can feel herself changing. Slowly, bit by bit, the person she’s always been—Dani, the girl who loves photography, the girl who loves to write, the girl who love Paige—slips away. In her place, there’s… someone else. Someone who’s afraid. Afraid of herself. Afraid of the world. Afraid of God.

There are moments, brief as they are, when Dani finds herself alone, sitting on the edge of the lake that borders the camp. The counselors allow “reflection time” out there, a chance to sit in nature and contemplate God’s will for their lives. Dani doesn’t feel God’s presence out there, though. Instead, she feels only emptiness. The lake, still and dark, mirrors the hollow ache in her chest, the ache that started the day her father found that video and had only grown since then.

She thinks of Paige during those moments. She can��t help it. Paige’s laugh, her smile, the way her fingers would brush against Dani’s hand when they were alone together. She thought of the way Paige’s voice had cracked, just slightly, when she’d said, “I love you,” as if it had been too heavy, too important, to carry without breaking.

And then the guilt would come rushing back in like a tidal wave, drowning out the memory of Paige’s touch. This isn’t right. I’m not supposed to feel this way. The counselors make sure of that. They drill it into her head day after day until she begins to doubt every thought, every feeling, every memory she has of Paige.

The uncertainty is the worst part. At night, lying in her narrow cot, Dani closes her eyes and tries to remember how it had felt to be with Paige. How, just a few short weeks ago, her heart had been so full of love that it felt like it might burst. But now, those memories feel like they belong to someone else, like they’re fading away, replaced by a gnawing doubt that maybe—just maybe—what she felt isn’t love at all.

The isolation gnaws at her. Dani’s faith—which, despite everything, was pure before—has become tainted, almost like she’s trying to crawl away from it—or at least, trying to crawl away from the twisted version of faith that the camp preaches. They tell her that God loves her but only if she can repent, only if she can reject the “unnatural desires” that have led her down this dark path. They tell her that true salvation means giving up everything she’s ever known, including Paige.

They don’t just want her to stop loving Paige. They want her to stop being herself.

But the hardest part is, after so many weeks, Dani doesn’t really know who exactly she is anymore. She feels like a shell of herself, hollowed out and empty, filled with nothing but fear and shame. And she begins to wonder if it’s working. If they’re right. If this is how it’s supposed to be.

But still, sometimes, Dani wakes up in the middle of the night, her heart pounding, her body drenched in sweat, a sense of panic so intense that she can hardly breathe. In these moments, she presses her face into the scratchy pillow, biting her lip to keep from screaming. Because in the darkness, in the quiet, when no one else is watching, she still wants Paige. She still loves her. No matter what they say, no matter how much they try to break her down, that small, fragile piece of her heart still beats for Paige.

And that scares her more than anything.

She doesn’t know how much longer she’ll be able to hold on to that part of herself. It’s slipping away, little by little, with every sermon, every “counseling” session, every prayer that she shoves down her throat. She’s being worn down, and she’s afraid that one day, she’ll wake up and not feel anything at all.

And maybe… maybe that’s what they want. Maybe that’s what God wants. Maybe that’s what she deserves.

Dani doesn’t even know how long she has left at the camp, nor how long she’s been there. After the first couple weeks, time begins to lose its meaning. She’s stopped counting the days (since they don’t tell her the date), stopped waiting for it to end.

JULY 2019

Dani sits in the chair, her hands folded neatly in her lap, her eyes downcast as she stares at the scuffed linoleum floor. The room is cold, sterile, and devoid of any warmth or comfort. It’s the same room she’s been sitting in for the past two months, every time she’s called in for her one-on-one “therapy” sessions. The wooden cross on the wall looms large above her, a constant reminder of the weight she’s supposed to carry, the sin she’s meant to repent for.

Across from her sits Mrs. Keating, one of the camp’s lead counselors. She’s a stern woman, always impeccably dressed, with sharp features and cold, piercing blue eyes that seem to cut through whatever walls Dani tries to put up. She’s been Dani’s assigned counselor from the start, the one tasked with guiding her back to the “right” path, the one who’s delivered the harshest sermons about the dangers of temptation and sin.

Today is supposed to be their final session—or, at least, that’s what Dani has been told. She knows the routine by now. Mrs. Keating will ask her a series of questions, probing deeper into her thoughts, her feelings, her beliefs. Dani’s learned to say what’s expected of her, to give the answers the woman wants. At first, she resisted, clinging to the hope that she could hold onto who she really is, but that hope has withered away in the weeks she’s been here.

She isn’t even really sure who she is anymore.

Mrs. Keating sits behind her desk, her fingers laced together as she regards Dani with that unreadable expression she always wears. It’s a look that makes Dani feel small, insignificant, like a child being scolded.

“So, Danielle,” Mrs. Keating begins, her voice cool and steady, “you’ve been with us for quite some time now. How are you feeling?”

Dani swallows, her throat dry. She hates these questions. They always feel like traps, no matter how carefully she answers. But she knows better now than to hesitate. She’s learned what they want to hear, and she’s learned that it’s easier to comply than to fight.

“I feel… better,” Dani answers, her voice quiet, almost mechanical. “I feel like I’ve been able to reflect on… everything.”

“Good, that’s very good,” Mrs. Keating replies, nodding approvingly. “And what have you learned in your time here?”

Dani’s fingers twitch in her lap, her nails digging into her palms. She hates herself for what she’s about to say, but she can’t stop the words from slipping out. They feel foreign, like they were coming from someone else’s mouth. But she thinks they’re right. After all this time, everything she’s gone through here, how can they not be?

“I’ve learned that… what I was feeling before… it was wrong,” Dani murmurs, her heart heavy. “That it wasn’t love. It was temptation. Sin.”

Mrs. Keating’s smile is small, satisfied. “And you understand why that is, don’t you?”

Dani nods, her gaze still fixed on the floor. “Yes. Because God doesn’t want us to… live that way. It’s against His plan.”

“And your feelings for the girl… ?”

They don’t say her name. They never say her name. And Dani’s glad. They don’t deserve to say Paige’s name. She’s too good, too full of light, for all of this. Dani’s stomach twists as the image of Paige’s face flashes through her mind—her bright eyes, her playful smile, the way her touch always feels so soft and warm. Dani’s chest aches with the memory, but she pushes it down. She can’t think about that now. She can’t think about her. It’s wrong. It’s wrong.

It’s wrong.

“I don’t… feel that way anymore,” Dani says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know it was wrong. I know it wasn’t real love.”

Mrs. Keating’s eyes gleam with approval, as if she’s won some silent battle. “That’s right, Danielle. You’re starting to understand. Love, true love, is a gift from God, and it’s meant to be between a man and a woman. Anything else is a distortion, a lie from the devil.”

Dani bites the inside of her cheek, the taste of blood sharp on her tongue. She’s heard this speech so many times that she can recite it in her sleep, and each time, it chips away at her a little more, hollowing her out from the inside. She wants to believe that maybe it’s a lie—that what she felt (feels?) with Paige is real—but after weeks of being told otherwise, it’s getting harder and harder to hold on to that belief.

“And how do you feel about your future now, Danielle?” Mrs. Keating asks, her tone almost gentle, as if she’s speaking to a child in need of guidance. “Do you feel ready to live a life that honors God?”

Dani’s hands tighten in her lap. She feels the weight of the cross around her neck, its presence suffocating. She’s worn it every day since she received it from her father years ago. But ever since she’s gotten here, it’s become a constant reminder of the expectations placed upon her, of the person she’s supposed to be.

“I want to do what’s right,” Dani replies, her voice steady even as her heart stutters. “I want to live the way God wants me to live.”

Mrs. Keating leans forward slightly, her eyes narrowing as if she can sense the apprehension buried beneath Dani’s words. “And you’re willing to renounce those past feelings? Those sinful urges?”

Dani’s throat tightens, but, nevertheless, she nods. “Yes.”

“Good.” Mrs. Keating’s smile widens. “You’ve made remarkable progress, Danielle. You’ve come a long way from the confused girl who arrived here, and I’m proud of you for embracing the truth.”

Dani doesn’t feel proud. She just feels empty.

The silence in the room grows heavy, oppressive, as Mrs. Keating studies her, as if trying to gauge the depth of Dani’s conviction. After a moment, she rises from her chair and walks around the desk, coming to stand in front of Dani. She reached down, her cold fingers brushing against Dani’s skin as she presses her hand to the small silver cross hanging from Dani’s neck.

The touch makes Dani flinch, but she doesn’t move. She can’t.

Mrs. Keating’s fingers linger there for a moment, her grip firm, almost possessive. “God will forgive you for your sins,” she says softly, her voice filled with the kind of certainty that Dani can never muster. “He is a merciful God, and He wants nothing more than for you to be redeemed in His eyes.”

Dani’s pulse races beneath the surface of her skin. She wants to believe that. She wants to believe that all of this—everything she’s gone through—will lead to forgiveness, to peace. But deep down, something in her resists. Something in her whispers that maybe God won’t forgive her. Maybe she isn’t worthy of it. Maybe there’s no redemption for someone like her.

She swallows hard, her eyes stinging with the tears she refuses to shed.

Mrs. Keating releases her hold on the necklace, her hand falling back to her side. She smiles, the gesture cold and calculating, as if she’s just won a battle Dani hadn’t realized she was fighting.

“You’re almost there, Danielle,” Mrs. Keating tells her, voice smooth and placating. “You’re so close to being saved.”

Dani doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t think she trusts herself to speak.

Because in that moment, all she can think about is Paige. Paige’s face, Paige’s laugh, Paige’s love. She can feel it slipping away, the memory of it growing dimmer with every passing day. And the worst part is, she isn’t sure if she wants to hold onto it anymore. Bitterly, she doesn’t know what the point would be. What would be the point at all, if this is who she’s supposed to be now?

“Remember, Danielle,” Mrs. Keating says firmly, brows scrunched slightly, “God’s love is stronger than anything. Stronger than sin. Stronger than temptation.”

Dani nods mechanically, her mind a haze of conflicting thoughts and emotions. She’s heard this so many times, and every time, it feels like another piece of her soul is being chipped away.

But maybe that’s for the best.

AUGUST 2019

Dani’s home.

That simple fact should bring her comfort, but as she stands in the middle of her bedroom, staring at the familiar walls and the neatly made bed, nothing feels the same. The space seems smaller, suffocating almost, and everything inside her feels hollow. It doesn’t really feel like home anymore.

She doesn’t know what feels like home.

She doesn’t think she has one.

It’s strange—coming back from camp was supposed to be a relief, a return to normalcy, but nothing about this feels normal. Dani expected some kind of closure, maybe even a sense of peace after everything she’s been through, but all she can do is feel a dull, heavy weight pressing down on her chest, right under her necklace. She feels like she doesn’t even belong here anymore. And it’s not just her house; it’s her whole life.

Dani doesn’t hang out with Thaliah or Jalen anymore either. They try to reach out when she gets back—text messages, phone calls, even a couple visits—but she pushes them away. It’s not like she really wants to—it’s just easier. Easier to stay locked inside herself, easier to avoid the questions she knows they’ll ask. Easier to pretend that things can just… move on.

Because they can’t. Not after everything. Not after her.

It’s easier not to think about Paige this way. Paige is still gone, away on basketball things for the summer, and with her absence, Dani’s managed to build up walls—tall, thick ones that keep the memories at bay. She has to. Thinking about Paige, about what they shared, about how it all fell apart without the blonde even knowing, is too much. So, she doesn’t think about it. She can’t.

Her dad doesn’t bring it up either. Not directly, at least. They’ve never spoken about what happened—about the reason Dani was sent away in the first place. Instead, he acts like it never occurred, like she was just at a normal summer camp, learning life lessons, finding her footing. That suits Dani fine. The last thing she wants is to talk about her “past mistakes.”

Instead, they focus on what her father considers the right things, like Beau Hudson.

Beau is someone Dani’s known since elementary school, a boy she’s always thought is a typical jockey douchebag—the kind of guy who’ll peak in high school and will probably spend the rest of his life chasing after some sense of former glory. He’s loud, obnoxious, and has a habit of talking like he owns every room he walks into. Dani’s never liked him, never thought twice about him, except to occasionally roll her eyes when his name comes up.

But now, Beau seems to be the answer to her father’s prayers.

Apparently, Beau mentioned to his parents that he thought Dani was pretty. And apparently, her father—who happens to work with Beau’s father—thinks that’s just great. It’s perfect, actually. Perfect in the way that Dani knows her father has always envisioned for her—a respectable boy, from a respectable family, with respectable values. There’s no need to talk about her past anymore, no need to dwell on those mistakes. If she can just date Beau, everything will fall into place. She can be the daughter her father wants her to be.

So, she does it.

She begins dating Beau, and it happens so fast that she hardly has time to question it. One minute, she’s saying yes to dinner with his family, and the next, they’re officially together. It isn’t something Dani really wants, but it’s something she can tolerate. It’s easy. Beau’s world is uncomplicated, shallow in a way that’s almost comforting because it doesn’t require much from her.

She starts hanging out with his friends—people she’s never given the time of day before. Guys from the football team, girls from the cheer squad. Serena Corren, one of the cheerleaders who’s always been a bit of a bitch, turns out to be not that bad. Dani finds herself spending time with her, more than she expects. Serena’s loud and a little crass, but she isn’t mean, at least not to Dani. In fact, they get along well enough that Dani finds herself relaxing a bit around her. Serena talks about meaningless things, gossips about people at school, complains about cheer practice, and it’s a nice distraction.

Everything is a distraction at this point.

A distraction from Paige.

Paige, who’s back now.

The minute Dani opens the door and sees her standing there, everything crashes down on her. It’s like a punch to the gut. Paige looks the same and different all at once—still beautiful, still Paige, but something about her feels… distant. Or maybe it’s just Dani who’s distant. She can feel her defenses rising the moment she meets those familiar blue eyes.

“Paige,” Dani acknowledges, throat tightening.

Paige’s voice is soft, tentative. “Hey, Dan. Can we talk?”

Dani swallows hard. She shouldn’t let her in. She should shut the door, turn Paige away before it gets any harder. But she doesn’t. Instead, she steps aside, letting Paige walk into her home, into her life once again. “Sure. Come in.”

The living room is quiet, and Dani can feel the tension simmering in the air as she sits on the couch, body rigid. Paige stands a few feet away, arms crossed over her chest, looking at Dani like she’s searching for something—an explanation, an apology, maybe a sign that Dani still cares.

But Dani can’t give her any of that. She can’t let herself break.

It starts with Paige asking, “What’s going on? Why didn’t you tell me you were back? Why didn’t you—”

And then the floodgates open between them. Dani tries to keep her face neutral during it, shutting down any emotion that threatens to spill out. She can’t afford to feel—if she lets herself feel anything, even for a moment, it’ll all come crashing down, everything wrong and bad spilling out. Her eyes stay cold, her voice flat, and every word that comes out of her mouth feels like poison she has to swallow herself. She tells herself she’s doing the right thing, that pushing Paige away is for her own good. That it’s for both of them. But God, it hurts.

Watching Paige’s face fall with every sharp word she throws at her is like watching someone chip away at a sculpture, little by little, until it’s unrecognizable. Dani sees the flickers of confusion, hurt, and then anger that spread across Paige’s features. She sees the way Paige’s shoulders tense, the way her eyes burn with disbelief. Paige has always been so expressive, her emotions right there on the surface, easy to read. And it kills Dani to know that she’s the cause of every negative expression that paints the blonde’s face.

The worst part is seeing the way Paige’s eyes gloss over, like she’s on the verge of tears but is too stubborn to let them fall. Paige isn’t the type to cry easily, but Dani knows her too well. She can feel Paige’s hurt even without seeing the tears. It’s palpable in the air between them, suffocating.

But Dani can’t break. She has to be strong, even though it’s the hardest thing she’s ever done. So, she says the words that’ll sever whatever hope Paige had left. She tells her that their kiss, that their confessions, were both mistakes. That she doesn’t want her, that it’s all just over. The words are like knives in her own chest, but she forces them out because she has no choice. If Paige knew the truth—about the camp, about her father’s threats, about everything—Paige would fight for her. She’d try to save Dani from it all. And Dani can’t let that happen. Everything would just get worse. It wouldn’t help anything.

Besides, whatever Paige and Dani have is wrong. It’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong. Dani repeats it in her head. She fiddles with her necklace, her eyes flit to the crucifix on the wall, she thinks about how God doesn’t appreciate girls loving other girls. It’s wrong.

Nevertheless, when Paige finally leaves, when she turns her back and walks out the door, it’s like Dani’s entire world collapses in on itself. She’s built a wall around herself for weeks, convincing herself that this is what she’s needed to do. But the second the door closes behind Paige, it all comes tumbling to the ground. The numbness she’s been clinging to melts away, leaving behind raw, unbearable pain.

It’s wrong anyways, she tries to remind herself. It would’ve never worked out. God doesn’t permit it.

But that doesn’t seem to matter. Because no matter how wrong it is, it fucking hurts.

Dani presses her forehead against the door, her whole body trembling as the sobs begin to escape. She didn’t cry in front of Paige. She held it together, made sure to be strong, made sure that Paige wasn’t aware of what’s truly going on. But now, with no one watching, Dani just breaks. Her shoulders shake as the tears come hard and fast, her chest heaving as she lets it all out. The sobs are uncontrollable, wracking her body as she finally allows herself to feel everything she’s been holding back since the day she was dropped off at camp back at the beginning of June.

She cries for the years of friendship she’s just destroyed. For the love she has for Paige that she has to—and will continue to—deny. For the fact that she has to pretend not to care when every fiber of her being screams that she still does. She cries because she knows she’s just shattered Paige’s heart, and in doing so, she’s shattered her own.

Her father’s voice echoes in the back of her mind, a cruel reminder of why she’s done this. She can’t be with Paige, can’t even be her friend. Not if she wants to keep Paige safe from the consequences, not if she wants to keep them both pure in God’s eyes. Besides, if Dani even tried to slightly interact with the blonde, her father would never allow it, and Dani knows the lengths he’ll go to if he thinks Dani’s stepping out of line. The threats he made over the summer, the way he sent her to that camp to “fix” her—it isn’t something she can let Paige be part of. And it’s certainly not something she’ll let herself be subject to again.

(Besides, she has Beau. She likes Beau.) (Enough.)

But the knowledge doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t make it easier to breathe through the sobs that wrack her chest. Dani feels like she’s drowning, suffocating under the weight of everything she’s just lost. Paige has been her best friend for over a decade. She’s been the one constant in Dani’s life, the person who has understood her better than anyone else. And now, Dani’s pushed her away, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to get her back.

Eventually, the sobs slow, leaving Dani feeling hollow and empty. Her tears soak through the fabric of her tank top, and her throat is raw from crying. She doesn’t know how long she stands there, leaning against the door, but it feels like an eternity. All she can think about is Paige’s face as she left, the way her eyes had looked so broken, so betrayed.

Dani did this. She has to live with it.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers to the empty room, though the words are meant for Paige.

OCTOBER 2019 (PRESENT DAY)

Paige was right. Dani is a coward.

She knows she is. She thinks about it constantly. She thinks about that night, at the party, where she and Paige fought. She thinks about what Beau called her. She thinks about how she didn’t step in, how she didn’t defend Paige. She thinks about how she’s settled into a routine that feels like she’s merely a spectator in her own life. She thinks about how she hasn’t done anything to try and change it. She thinks, she thinks, she thinks.

She thinks a lot.

About certain things.

Certain people.

(Paige.)

She tries and tries to fight it, but her mind is rogue, a resistance that always has a mantra of Paige, Paige, Paige whether it’s in the front, the corner, or the back of her cerebrum.

She dates Beau. That doesn’t change. She knows who he is—not a good person. He’s arrogant, dismissive, and often cruel, but Dani finds herself in his company night after night. It’s not that she doesn’t recognize his red flags; she does. But there’s a twisted sense of comfort in being with someone who embodies the superficial, the expected. Beau is a mask she can wear, something to hide what’s beneath. What she doesn’t want people to see.

So, she dates Beau. She kisses him. They do other stuff a lot, too. He always initiates it, but she never stops it. It’s okay—not great, not terrible. It’s not exactly who she’d prefer to do that kind of thing with—but, who she would exhibits every single little thing that’s wrong with her. Every single little thing that she’s been trying to shake out of her, off of her, since she arrived at that camp. God doesn’t appreciate it. And so neither does Dani.

School has become her other distraction. A good one, too.

She retakes the ACT. When she gets her score back, she’s happy with it, a rare moment of relief and pride.

College applications weigh on her as well, and she’s certainly had the time to do them. She only applies to two school. Minnesota—her dad wants her to stay in-state, somewhere close. And, trust her, she knows how deluded it sounds, but—she applies to Connecticut, too. Don’t ask her. She doesn’t even really know why.

She focuses heavily on her Calc class, her AP Bio class, her AP Lit work. She focuses, she gets good grades, she makes her teachers and maybe even her father proud. She’s just doing her best, distracting herself. (Though it doesn’t help that, without fail, every single day Paige’s stare bores holes into Dani’s back in Lit. All she wants is to continue her distractions, to continue her streak of nearly perfect scores, but those baby blues burn into her skin from behind and it makes Dani’s heart race.)

She continues on with photography, too. She goes to the football games and some of the other sports—soccer, field hockey, etc.—and takes her photos for yearbook. It’s a good distraction until she spots Paige in the student section (this happens every Friday night), and Dani’s mood seems to simmer out.

Paige is everywhere. Fucking everywhere. School, games, Dani’s head. It doesn’t matter. She never leaves.

Dani wishes she would go and wishes she would stay all at once.

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers fic #uconn wbb #paige bueckers x reader #uconn #uconn huskies #wbb #wcbb #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #hopkins p fic #take me to church #wlw

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kittybroker · 1 year

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Intro post!

I'll reblog cat pictures and value the kitty.

Now I'm sure you're all saying kitties are all valuable, and while that's true one cannot simply dismiss the importance of proper accounting in today's economy.

If you want to submit a picture of a cat you can use either the ask function or send in a post submission and value it yourself. Feel free to tag me into any kitty post you want.

Please make sure to read the FAQ below before sending in any questions.

While I am mostly a joke blog, please be wary when sending overly personal/strange asks, particularly when I do not know who you are. Absolutely do not ship this blog with other blogs, and particularly do not make comments to me about this.

Tagging system: I'll tag all the cats here with #crazy kitty The pricing of kitties is set into one of five categories:

#free bin - $0 kitties #bargain bin - Under $5 #discount kitty - Under $20 #valuable kitty - Under $50 #premium kitty - Anything over $50

#alt currency is used for any kitty not using kitty dollars.

Note that kitties from before 27/01/24 may not include the #bargain bin or #premium kitty tag as those tags were introduced after the blogs creation.

#set deal - For pairs kitties sold together #collection - For collections of different kitties in a collection

#silly kitty - For memes and humorous kitties #art - For drawings of kitties or kitties with art attached #fake kitty - For kitties that aren't really actually kitties at all

#text post - For posts that aren't actually evaluations #asks - Posts that are sent via ask #tagged - Posts sent via tagging #in the replies - Tags from the replies of a post #my cat - For pictures of my cat #kitty music - For self-promotional music posts or music performed by kitties (meowsynth)

I'll probably post my own cat a bit here as well and tag that with #my cat.

Submission: You can submit kitties by tagging me in posts or sending asks (when the inbox is open). I will not always get around to tags as sometimes there is too many to get to or I have already evaluated the post. I prefer people tag me into a post over DMing, and will not evaluate a kitty sent in DMs. I would also ask you to not send too many asks or tags in a row simply to avoid too many posts being sent in at a time and allowing others to send stuff in. If you are unsure on how to tag me please refer to the FAQ, do not message me asking how to tag me into posts.

Rules for submission: Please no real people or anthropomorphized cats. Anything that is pretty much just human is a big no go zone for evaluation (particularly evaluating real people). As long as it's clearly an animal I don't really care. Do not tag me into more than 2-3 posts at a time.

FAQ

Why hasn't my ask been answered? I get a lot of asks, and I can't answer everything. It usually takes a few days to a week to get around to answering an ask. Sometimes the ask may also contain a submission that cannot be posted, ie you submitted a real person, a cat in the harmful situation or with wounds. For text based asks I cannot get to everything and am frequently inundated with comments. Not all will get a response. If you ask a question answered in the FAQ I will not answer.

How do you evaluate the kitties? The economy guides my hand, I merely see the truth of what is already there.

I tagged you into a post, but you never responded? I get a lot of tags, and often a lot of the same post. I will try to avoid responding to the same post multiple times (sometimes I forget!). Sometimes I just have so many tagged posts to get to I have to cut some out. I do see every tagged post though so you're post will still be seen, even if not answered.

What is the most valuable kitty ever? Our current estimates would put Intergalactic Shiro, now at an impressive 720000000000

What currency are the kitties evaluated in? They are all in Kitty Dollars. I've never heard of this "USD" or "Euro" stuff. None of it is real.

I want to tag you in a post, but I don't know how? To tag me into a post you will need to reblog the post and add the tag into the text field of the post (no the tags!). If you type @kittybroker you should see this blog appear in a dropdown menu. Select kittybroker and then reblogging the post. You can also tag me into the replies of posts by opening the notes, heading to the replies section and tagging me there with the same method.

Can I submit myself? Many before have attempted this perilous feat. Yet I remain strong. No real people will be evaluated!

Kittybroker, you reblogged a bad post! Sometimes I reblog posts that I should by mistake. Please notify me if this is the case, ie. the cat is in danger, the video is not safe or harmful. I do my best to try educate myself on what the best, but I still miss stuff. THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO FANDOM DRAMA/PROBLEMATIC USERS. DO NOT MESSAGE ME ABOUT THIS.

Kittybroker, I want to support you but I hate capitalism! Good news for you! The best way you can support me is to check out the #kitty music tag! I write a fair bit of music and you can find it at my old soundcloud, or you can find my recent piano sheet music here! Completely free! I really appreciate any support with my music work outside of kittybroker and sharing or listening to my stuff helps a lot!

Do you have a cat? I do, although I rarely post it out of both privacy concerns and the sheer number of other kitties sent in. The rare occasion I do however they will all be tagged. His name is Boris and he is around nine years old. He is very crazy.

That is all for now! Remember to stay crazy and kitty!

#text post #intro post

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for not helping my family pay for hospital bills?

🎷🔥 so i can find it later

This is going to need a lot of context right off the bat. I (20'sM) am a gay man that comes from an extremely conservative family. My sister (20'sF) is also a lesbian and recently got married and adopted a child. I'm very proud of her, but that's not the issue.

My parents seem to have little to no issue with my sister marrying a woman. They do have a very big issue with me liking dudes, however. Like, it was the reason my parents got divorced "big issue." I'm not gonna go into everything, but my sister ended up with my dad and I stayed with my mom for reasons I'd rather not share.

Our last parting was on... less than decent terms. Upon finding out that I was of the homosexual variety, my dad flipped his lid. He called me several slurs and said some other very hurtful things, and even made moves to physically attack me. My mom, also a very homophobic woman, stepped in and thankfully talked him down. Then divorce, etc etc.

I saved up enough money to move out when I turned 18 and may have done some impulsive things including completely trashing my mom's bathroom, which I know I'm definitely the asshole for, but in my defense my mom kept "forgetting" to pick up my prescriptions and I was manic (I have bipolar). But, again, I know I'm the AH for that.

I now live with my two best friends R (20sNB) and P (20sM) in a house we all pay for. R comes from money so they help out a lot, and I love them both to death. We kind of have a sort of situationship but none of us are poly? Idk it's weird we're just going with it rn.

Anyway, I bring them up bc we all went to my sister's wedding together, and my parents separately chewed me out for bringing them (and for R daring to wear a dress. They're amab for context) and I obviously argued back bc hey they're my best friends and my sister specifically said it was okay for me to bring them (she and R are also friends and they wouldve been invited regardless of me bringing P) and also because R looks very good in a dress and i can handle them shit-talking me but i will not tolerate slander towards R or P.

At the wedding, I went full no contact with them and told them to lose my number. They, ofc, did Not lose my number and I got several calls from extended family saying about what you would expect them to say, so I switched numbers and gave only my sister and her wife my new number.

My sister. I love her to pieces but sometimes she gets on my nerves. She gives my number to my mom to have "just in case," but she reassures me that she won't give it to my dad or any other family. So far, she's made good on that promise, I just have to deal with periodic calls about getting a girlfriend and having kids.

Now, my dad isn't the healthiest guy out there. He has arthritis, osteoporosis, and several other things that i don't really wanna get into. As he's aged he's only gotten worse and there have been several times he's almost died, but recently he's been put on hospice and has an estimated Not Very Long to live.

Here's where I may be the AH. My dad calls me while I'm at a very important, personal event for R (he got my number from my mom) and goes on a long rant on how I'm an unlovable disgrace and how he fed me and clothed me and I could make up for all that by helping him pay off hospital debt. I say no immediately and tell him that he's never been my dad, only my dna donor, and that he's going to be dead anyway and that selling his house could cover all the bills. He calls me many more names and tells me he wishes I was never born (calling my mom some very derogatory names too (she's asian)) and that i should just go ahead and off myself to save the world someone like me. I tell him he should die faster while he's at it because God knows the world already has enough bigots in it and there could never be too many mentally ill queers.

I hung up, but now I'm thinking I went a bit too far. AITA for not helping out with his hospital bills and yelling at him?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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exitpursuedbyavulcan · 3 months

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My Fair Lady's Maid (Regency! Aemond Targaryen x Lady's Maid!Reader) Chapter 2 Sneak Peek

Frustrated with his grandsire's tedious and thorough process of choosing him a "suitable" bride, Aemond makes a declaration that a lady's maid could be indistinguishable from a true noblewoman so long as she was sufficiently dressed and educated in embroidery, conversation, and the like. Otto takes this as a challenge, and gives Aemond four months to turn one of Helaena's lady's maids into a noblewoman.

Pairing: (Regency! Aemond Targaryen x Lady's Maid!Reader)

Author's Note: Someone ( @randomdragonfires 👀) helped get a little bit of inspiration kickstarted for this.

“Did any of the young ladies catch your interest, Aemond?”

His hand froze, hovering over the stem of his half-full glass. He swore that if his grandfather brought up the question of a woman one more time, he’d banish the old man to the shabby cottage deep in the woods, where he’d never have to hear that damnable question again.

He had sworn the same the last time. And the time before that. And the time before that.

One day, he may actually follow through on it.

That night, though, he simply seized the bottle of port again, filled his glass to the brim, and downed it all in one gulp. The burn in his throat was far more tolerable than any of the simpering women at the ball.

The Tully girl with the lifeless eyes of a dead fish and equivalent intellect. The Lannister could do little else but bat her eyelashes and assault the ears around her with her tittering laugh. The four Baratheon girls, each utterly vexing in her own unique way. And many, many more besides.

“Aemond?” Otto asked again. The false joviality vanished from his voice.

Damn, he’d waited too long to answer. Perhaps he could still pass it off as being consumed in thought?

“Why even ask?” Daeron half-laughed as he swirled his sherry. He always had to swirl it around for several minutes before he deemed it acceptable to drink, but gave no reason for it. “He only ever looks at them long enough to notice their flaws.”

Aemond filled his glass again – only halfway this time. “If their flaws weren’t so significant, I may have looked longer.”

“Every young lady there was well-bred and well-accomplished. Several of them were even charming, by my estimation. Any one of them would have made a perfectly suitable wife.” His grandfather leaned forward in his chair, steepling his hands together. It was what he always did when trying to use reason to get his way. Oftentimes, it worked.

But not with this.

“I have neither the need nor the desire to find a wife, as I have made quite plain.”

“Every man of our station is in want of a wife, grandson.”

Aemond huffed. “I have no true station. I am nothing but an ‘ordinary man.’”

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georgescitadel · 5 months

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George R.R. Martin on the process of creating A Game Of Thrones

You hold in your hands the second volume of A Song of Ice and Fire… but not the second volume as originally intended. Although I wrote the opening of A Game of Thrones back in the summer of 1991, as related in my introduction to the Meisha Merlin edition of that volume, it was not until October of 1993 that I drew up a proposal for my agents to take to publishers. There is no mention of any book titled A Clash of Kings in that proposal. In 1993, I was under the impression that I was writing a trilogy.

Trilogies had been the dominant form in epic fantasy ever since J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings had been broken apart by publishers and released in three volumes. And the story that I wanted to tell divided quite naturally into three parts; much more so, in fact, than The Lord of the Rings, which is actually one fairly seamless narrative, and not a trilogy at all. I planned to title the books A Game of Thrones, A Dance with Dragons, and The Winds of Winter. I knew right from the start that they would all be large books. Huge books, even. But there were to be only three of them, and…and none were to be called A Clash of Kings. Sometimes the author is the last to know.

As I write this, I am halfway through the writing of A Feast for Crows, the fourth volume of my ‘trilogy.’ There is no mention of that title in my 1993 proposal either. These days, when pressed, I confidently assert that A Song of Ice and Fire will ultimately run to six books… but behind my back I know my lady Parris is smiling knowingly and holding up seven fingers. She may be right. Though I may dream of six books, plan for six books, work toward six books, the only thing that truly matters is the story. And the story needs to be as long as the story needs to be.

In Hollywood, the suits will tell you how long that is. A television show has to fit within its allotted time slot, of course, and you cannot beg, borrow, or steal an extra minute, no matter how much the story needs it. Running times are somewhat more flexible for films, though not as much as one might think. For the most part, the studios still want movies to run about two hours, so they look for screenplays of 120 pages or less, and demand cuts in any scripts that come in longer. My own screenplays and teleplays were almost always too long and too expensive in first draft, so in my later drafts, along with addressing the inevitable notes from studio, network, and producers, I was constantly trimming. In the end, I would deliver a shooting script that was the right length and under budget, but it was never a happy process… and I often went away feeling that the earlier drafts were the better ones.

The size of A Song of Ice and Fire was in no small part a reaction to ten years of trimming. I wanted to do something epic in scale, something at once grand and sprawling and complex and subtle, with a cast of thousands, huge battles, mighty castles, gorgeous costume, lavish feast, great rivers, towering mountains, vast fields… all the things I could not do in television. In short. I wanted to make a world. And for that you need a bit of room.

In my original proposal, I estimated that each volume of the trilogy might run as long as 800 pages in manuscript. The novels that I had written during the 70's and 80's, before Hollywood, had generally come in at 400 or 500 pages or thereabouts, so an 800 pages book seemed very lengthy indeed. The three books of the trilogy would be structured around the long, slow seasons of Westeros. A Game of Thrones would be summer’s book, A Dance with Dragons would take us through autumn, and The Winds of Winter… well, the title says it all. Even in the Seven Kingdoms, where a season can last for years, 800 pages ought to give me enough room to reach the end of summer and conclude the part of my tale, I reasoned.

‘Twas a lovely plan of battle… but no plan of battle ever survives contact with the enemy, it has been said. Writers know the truth of that as well as any general, though our wars are fought on blank white sheets of paper and empty computer screens. For the map is not the territory, the blueprint is not the house, the recipe is not the dinner… and the outline is never ever the book.

- George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings Limited Edition Introduction (2002)

#Ned Stark #Catelyn Stark #Sansa Stark #Arya Stark #Bran Stark #Jon Snow #Tyrion Lannister #Daenerys Targaryen #The Outline #A Game Of Thrones #George R.R. Martin #ValyrianScrolls #ASOIAF

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transmonstera · 1 year

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PLEASE READ BELOW

Hi! I am a UK based trans artist and writer looking to pursue a private hysterectomy. I run an Etsy store (you may even have one of my stickers or badges!) and work part time but am still struggling to save much of anything towards surgery due to debt, living costs, etc so I’m looking for a little bit of help!

The reason I am pursuing a hysterectomy now is due to having cervical ectropion. This condition is where the cervix is essentially inside out and causes bleeding and excruciating pain. Frustratingly enough the treatment for this condition worked for all of two weeks before returning straight back to how it used to be. Cervical ectropion is aggravated by fluctuating hormone levels, particularly estrogen, so if I was to ever experience atrophy and seek treatment for that it would only make my ectropion far worse. The NHS does not offer hysterectomies for this condition due to them deeming it “a harmless condition”. Funnily enough the only procedure they approve of to “treat” this is a tubal ligation which has nothing to do with the cervix (make it make sense).

I could attempt to get a hysterectomy through my GIC (Nottingham), however their communication is abysmal, I get one appointment a year with them and I cannot sit by and wait for the topic to come up on their terms, they never even spoke to me about top surgery (after telling me they would) leaving me to get that privately too, and I think even if they do approve a referral it’d take far too long and I would have little control in the situation. I simply cannot be in this pain for however long they wish to take to help me. Especially with how things are going for trans healthcare.

So I’m looking to get it privately. I have been recommended Mr Saurabh Phadnis with Nuffield Health in London due to him approving hysterectomies for many reasons and getting rid of everything you wish to remove and not just the bare minimum. I would like to go with him as I wish to remove everything including the cervix. My GP is happy to do a referral for him, so it is literally just a case of getting the funds. I was quoted an estimate of roughly £9000. I’m not going to ask for people to send me that amount as I know it is a huge sum to ask for. I’m hoping to raise as much as I can by about January/February time (through donations, etsy sales, and anything I can spare from my part time job) and look at taking out a loan for whatever is left over and if I can save even a third of the full amount that would help immensely.

A hysterectomy would truly change everything. I don’t want to take depo injections for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be in pain anymore and I don’t want to bleed randomly throughout the day because I dared to go for a walk. This is not just for transition purposes, this is so I can live without fear of further pain, more bleeding, being unable to treat potential atrophy because of an existing condition, HPV, cervical cancer, pregnancy scares etc.

If you'd like to donate:

ko-fi.com/transmonstera

cashapp: £transmonstera

Even if you can’t donate, please take a moment to share. It’d mean the world to me.

#also if anyone has any questions about cervical ectropion feel free to ask! it's not talked about a lot in terms of trans healthcare #trans #transgender #transsexual #queer #trans artist #kofi #transmonstera

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luvfy0dor · 11 months

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"We're gonna be timeless !!" ♡⁠˖ BSD x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ Fyodor Dostoevsky, Chuuya Nakahara, Nikolai Gogol

Warning; Spoilers for mersault arc/Fyodors means of communication in his part, soft!Fyodor bc I am goin thru it, relationship intolerance, Nikolais bit isn't in exact correlation w/ the song

Description; Drabbles inspired by Timeless by Taylor Swift

A/N; Writing this while trying to figure out what to do for another fic help I'm so nervous the person isn't gonna like it but we ball 🫡 in Nikolais part I tried avoiding saying balls like it was the plague but yk

Love Letters w/ Fyodor Dostoevsky

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ “I would've read your love letters every single night, and prayed to God you'd be comin' home alright”

• His love letters are romantic and very detailed, making sure he conveys exactly how much he misses you. He likes to write you short poems, understanding how much your heart swoons at the sweet and romantic words.

• Fyodor writes to you while he's in Yokohama, telling you how his plans are going and his estimated time of arrival at home. He continues this habit, even when in Mersault. He sends letters to you via the manipulated vampire guards, instructing them to take great care of the thin envelopes.

Scenario !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Your heart beats quickly as you made your way to your mailbox to check for a letter from your lover; already prepared for the slight sadness you'd experience should the small compartment be void of a note, yet still excited for the possibility of receiving one.

You excitedly open the door to the mailbox, grabbing the numerous envelopes that filled it. Sifting through them, you start to loose hope before your eyes land on the slightly sloppy handwriting of your boyfriend. You drop the various other things on the table, including bills and junk mail in order to pry open the letter excitedly. You make sure to do it carefully though as not to rip anything.

Once you've successfully separated the paper from the envelope, you lay down on the couch on your front while giggling excitedly. You unfold the paper and start to read the comforting and familiar handwriting, feeling as though this letter was a warm and sweet hug from the Russian man.

“My dearest, Y/N,

I know I restate the same thoughts in every letter I send to you, but I truly miss you more than anything in the outside world, including my freedom. I am perfectly fine in captivity, but it truly makes my heart ache to be without my love for so long. I hope you are doing well and holding up without me, not because I doubt your individuality, but I know just how much you miss me. It is the same way for me in this prison. Even with Dazais company, my heart doesn't feel nearly as full as it does when you are around, my dear. However, when our plan succeeds, we will get the happily ever after we deserve. As for our plans, they are going as intended currently.

I cannot wait to embrace you again and to feel the reassuring sensation of your breathing against my skin and feel your arms wrapped around me so tightly and lovingly. Though I would have went about my plans regardless of your support or not, I still appreciate you staying and supporting this, although I can only imagine it has caused you much stress. No worries though, my dear, we will prevail in the end no matter the obstacles. In the meantime, here is an excerpt from a poem I memorized many years ago, I feel it may catch your interest and reassure you a bit.

Wait for me, and I’ll be back,

Disregard the fate,

In the morning with my bag,

Should you only wait.

They will hardly understand,

How I could survive.

Waiting me from foreign land,

You have saved my life.

Let them say that it’s too late.

What you feeling tells?

I’ll be back, because you wait

Like nobody else.

Again, I miss you dearly. Just in case I needed to rephrase it, my heart will not rest until you are back in my presence, for I feel our souls are intertwined. I cannot wait to reunite with with you, my love. I will see you soon.

Sincerely, Fyodor Dostoevsky”

Your heart couldn't help but flutter as you held the letter to your chest, having rolled over onto your back. Your face is warm with blush as you smile and laugh. It was beyond you how Fyodor could remember all of the information he knew, as well as numerous languages and poetry, but you certainly weren't complaining. After all, your boyfriends sweet sayings made your day every time without fail. With every letter he sent, you only became more impatient for his return.

Eloping w/ Chuuya Nakahara

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ “And run away and left it all behind, you still would've been mine, we would've been timeless”

• Eloping with Chuuyas is such a fulfilling act, especially when you don't have people whispering in your ear about how dangerous it could be.

Scenario !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Romantic relationships with port mafia executives as an outsider or regular civilian were frowned upon in the organization, meaning if you and Chuuya were going to be together, you needed to be sneaky about it. The port mafia had connections all over the city, which really limited your options for dates, but you were both content with just lounging in each other's homes.

You loved leaning against his chest on his couch, a movie playing softly in the background as you both cuddled together. You liked cooking with him in your kitchen, making a mess together while giggling and then having to clean it up together. Every time you would just sit in his arms in your back yard, watching the wind blow the flowers and leaves around, was a memory with Chuuya that you were grateful for.

So, when your lover proposed the idea of elopement to you, you were over the moon. You had always wanted to marry him, youve know that he was your soulmate from the get go. Even in a billion lifetimes, you felt as though you would find each other repeatedly. You said yes, ofcourse, and started planning immediately.

It had gone exactly according to plan, too. The both of you wore rather nice clothing for the actual ceremony, exchanging pretty rings and slipping them on to one anothers fingers. The kiss you shared, the first one of your elopement, was like no other. It felt sweeter with emotion and certainly tasted that way, too, because of Chuuyas cherry chapstick. You held each other's hands tightly as you quickly walked out of the courthouse, getting into the car that had been packed with as many necessary belongings as possible, including but not limited to clothing, legal documents, and money.

Sure, the luxury of a port mafia salary was one that would probably be missed by the both of you, allowing a nicer place to stay and finer wines to drink, but you could live with Chuuya in a rundown shack for all he cared. As long as he was with you, he would be perfectly happy. Chuuya is a romantic at heart under his tougher exterior, only letting bits and pieces of that romanticism slip through the cracks.

Chuuya drove with you down long and winding roads, the both of you deciding to end the day by stargazing while sitting on the trunk of the car. You sat on Chuuyas lap, his face pressed against your back. He drew soft shapes on any part of skin within his reach, even tracing out letters and words, spelling terms of endearment such as "my love".

"You know, I don't doubt one bit that mafia affiliates could be lurkin' around here, but it's much less likely. Something like this would be frowned upon real hard back home, which is why I feel I will never regret this decision." He says, speaking straight from his heart, not caring about vulnerability anymore. He had you, and you would be the very last person to take advantage of such a delicate thing.

A grin tugs at the corner of your lips with enough force to change your facial expression immediately. You leaned back into his touch, your hand caressing his that sat against your abdomen, hugging you closer to him. "I won't ever regret it either. I'll never regret any decision I make for you, my love." You softly murmur, looking up at the stars in the beautiful, blue night sky. The blue night sky filled with glamorous and shiny stars, yet they could never compare to the shimmery glint in Chuuyas eyes every time he came around you. The blue night sky that provided a calming darkness in the world, allowing you to further relax against your, now husband's, body.

"I'll always love you, darlin', I'm so happy I can openly have you now." He speaks quietly against your shoulder, almost whispering. You reach your hand back to gently touch his hair a bit. "Me too, my love. Me too."

Crowded Streets w/ Nikolai Gogol

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ “In another life, you still would've turned my head, even if we met on a crowded street in 1944”

• Should you meet Nikolai during one of his street performances and accidentally fall victim to his juggling skills (or lack there of) , he would look forward to seeing you around the town and in the streets again to make up for his fumble with an entertaining mini-show.

Scenario !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Walking through the busy streets, your eyes fell upon a tall man, dressed as a jester while standing on the sidewalk. "A street performer." You simply thought, trying to discreetly glance at him without making eye contact and avoid the make believe obligation to give him money. You noticed that he was juggling, tossing three red balls in the rotational pattern while blabbering on about random things to passersby.

You lowered your head as to not look at him or make eye contact as you started to pass him, before you're head jerks right back up at the loud man's voice saying "watch out!". Right in front of your face was one of the red, foam spheres, kept motionless between two bony, lanky fingers covered in the cloth of the mans red gloves.

"Aw, I'm real sorry, darlin'! That sure was close, wasn't it?" He says, his bright, toothy grin glimmering in the sunlight. You nod, inhaling and steadying your heart rate.

"Yeah, no worries though, it didn't actually hit me." You say, a bit embarrassed by the situation for seemingly no reason. He slinks backwards into a completely upright position. "I wouldn't have let it hit you regardless, sweet cheeks." He says as he creates a portal and tosses his props into the yellow opening. He rests his fingers on his chin while examining you. "You've got quite a lovely complexion! You must be quite popular when it comes to romantic affairs, I'm sure of it." He compliments. The other people bustling by make you topple a bit as their shoulders bump into yours. Nikolai gently grabs your hand and leads you away from the crowd into a more spacious area.

"You're quite handsome if I do say so myself. Especially that scar." You say, pointing at the healed wound. He smiles. "Well thank you, how sweet is that." He excitedly beams. He removes his hat from his head and slightly bows towards you. "I have yet to formally introduce myself, I am Nikolai Gogol." He says, adjusting his posture yet again to be standing straight up. You smile. "Hello, Nikolai. My name is Y/n." You smile with your arms crossed in front of your chest.

"Well then, Y/n, can I ask you if you enjoy quizzes?" He asks, his head tilted, gravity dragging the long braid along with his movements. You furrow your eyebrows a little. "I'm not too fond of the academic ones, if I'm being honest. Silly ones I don't mind." You say with a small shrug of your shoulders. He laughs.

"Perfect! Let me quiz you then, Y/n." He takes your hands in his excitedly. "Are you aware of the difference between a jester and a clown?" He says, his face about the length of a outstretched palms thumb to pinky tip away from yours. You think for a moment before speaking. "Clowns follow a routine, whereas jesters are more spontaneous and satirical, no?" You say, gazing into his eyes, surprising yourself with your eagerness to hear words of confirmation or denial slip from between his crimson painted lips. He pulls back and claps a bit.

"That's right! Marvelous! How smart you are." He says, removing his hat and placing it on top of your head. "Not many people get that right, you know? Many peoples first answer revolves around a jester being a part of a royal court, but that is simply not their differentiating characteristic." He says, patting your shoulder with a grin. You keep eye contact for a couple of seconds before he erupts into a fit of snickers.

"I'm around this area often during the week. You should come see me, I can promise to give you the very best show I can muster." He grins and with that, he is gone through a portal. He has left you there, a bit flustered as you held onto the hat tightly. You suppressed the excitement in your heart before sneaking out into the crowded pathways once again. Maybe you would take him up on that.

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sirfrogsworth · 4 months

Text

The (Almost) Flood of Frog Manner

If you followed me wayyyy back in the day, you might remember a flood ravaged our basement in 2012.

This is what I wrote about it back then.

It was bad. In order to show you a picture of it I had to convert it to black and white because the color version has a shade of brown that churns the stomach just to look at.

I am still traumatized from having to walk barefoot in that. And I still have a very vivid memory of sitting on the edge of my bed as the water started slowly creeping in and and surrounding me. It literally felt like being in a horror film.

I think my estimate of 6 inches may have been what it *felt* like at the time. I was pretty shaken by the experience and you can see why eyewitness testimony is often shite. Though I think our basement isn't completely level and it was a bit deeper in my room. I just remember my feet being completely submerged as I was escaping.

A few of the pedal casualties...

A vintage Boss Harmonist that had awful pitch tracking which is why I loved it. A Big Muff, because everyone needs a Big Muff in their life. A Fulltone Fulldrive 2 and Clyde Wah. And about 10 others I don't have a picture of including an EHX Mircosynth, Digitech Whammy, Boss DD-5 delay, and a vintage 1977 MXR Flanger—better known as the Eddie Van Halen pedal that made his guitar sound like it was in space.

Everything had to be torn out and washed with commercial machinery. My room was the cleanest it had ever been—scientifically speaking.

In the aftermath, while we restored the basement (another long story), I was relegated to my mom's "purse room."

To make matters worse our air conditioner broke and I have terrible temperature regulation. So I started going mad living in the purse room.

I was convinced one of them was staring at me.

And trying to murder me in my sleep.

So... why am I talking about a 12 year old flood?

The other night I woke up from a nap and saw this out the window.

And it was still pouring.

I started to hear a clunking noise from the basement and when I went to investigate, water had begun to back up into the laundry room through the main drain.

It was reminding me of 2012 all over again.

Except back then I think our pump was underpowered and unable to deal with that much water. And now that we have a much better pump, it seemed to be handling things much better.

I was also concerned because water was leaking in from the basement windows. I guess they were filling up faster than the water could saturate into the ground and the windows are not 100% water sealed.

Just in case, I piled up a bunch of old towels and bed clothes that were in the laundry room (mostly my dad's stuff) and made a moat around the drain that was starting to back up. I was hoping that would hold back any minor flooding if things got worse. I probably ruined everything, but I am still glad I did that even though it wasn't really necessary.

I also did something stupid.

I went outside to look at the area of the yard where the pump is buried to check on it. And I started to go out through our main garage door, but when I opened it, I let in a bunch of water. And that is where we are storing all of the goods for the next estate auction. So, not sure if there is any water damage yet. I was too tired from pushing out water to inspect things further.

I made a little video compilation of the not-quite-a-flood incident.

I'm very glad it wasn't as bad as in 2012. But this is still going to be a pain in my patoot to clean up.

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merrybloomwrites · 5 months

Text

I Hear Them Calling (Chapter 9- FINAL CHAPTER)

Story Summary: Alpha Harry Styles and omega Y/N Y/L/N meet under less than ideal circumstances. Overtime their paths will cross and they will be drawn to one another in ways they never expected.

Chapter Summary: Harry and Y/N spend some time apart before reuniting just in time for Y/N's next heat.

Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4 ; Chapter 5 ; Chapter 6 ; Chapter 7 ; Chapter 8

Word count: 3.6K

CW: smut, knotting, p in v sex, heat cycle

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The plans for your time in Palm Springs are greatly altered due to your unexpected heat. Instead of hanging out with Harry’s friends, you’d been stuck inside a bedroom for over a day riding out the waves of your heat. And now that it’s over, you still don’t want to leave the house.

The day after your heat ended and Harry had joined you at the house again, you had constructed a nest. And now you want to stay wrapped in its safe walls with your alpha. It’s common for omegas to withdraw in the days after a heat, needing comfort and reassurances from their alpha. Harry is more than happy to provide, though you feel bad about keeping him locked up in the house with you. Each time you mention this he simply says, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

He does encourage you to get fresh air, so you take some time to sit outside on the deck, soaking up the sun. It’s just warm enough in southern California that you’re comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt, which does brighten your mood.

But most of the time is still spent inside. The world seems too big at the moment, there are too many people, too many dangers. In your nest there’s nothing but warmth, and safety, and the ever-comforting scent of Harry.

He flies with you back to New Jersey and you're grateful. While you’re feeling better after a couple days of cuddling with Harry, an airport full of strangers would be a bit too much at the moment. He’s able to stay with you for two nights before he needs to leave and start getting everything ready for the next leg of tour. Before he leaves you build another nest in your home and he once again showers you with compliments about how lovely it is. You’re sad when you have to say goodbye, but he’s taken such good care of you that your omega is recovered by the time he’s gone.

You have a visit with your doctor the following week and discuss the heat you’d experienced. Luckily you don’t need to go into detail, just letting her know when it started and how long it lasted.

“That was a bit earlier than I’d estimated,” she says. “I was expecting the end of February. Is there anything that may have triggered it?”

You blush a deep red and reply, “I had just been knotted for the first time that morning.”

She gives you a reassuring smile and says, “That could definitely be the reason. I do have to ask, was this something you wanted or did the alpha force himself in any way?”

“Oh nothing like that! It was with my alpha, completely consensual. I was the one to bring it up.”

“Okay good. Well in that case, everything looks great. You should expect your next heat to be maybe mid-April or early May. This will be a full heat, so it’ll be longer and more intense than the other.”

“Right,” you reply, a tremor of nerves in your voice.

“There are some things we can do and prepare to make it easier if you’ll be solo during it.”

She hands you a pamphlet with some helpful tips and you sit quietly for a moment. Finally, you say, “I’m thinking of asking my alpha to spend it with me.”

“That sounds like a good plan, as long as that’s what you want. Make sure to talk about everything ahead of time alright? What you do and don’t want, any rules he needs to follow and ways he can take care of you.” She hands another pamphlet and says, “Here are some tips on how to prepare for a heat with an alpha. Yes, we have a pamphlet for everything,” she finishes and you both laugh.

“You mentioned he travels a lot, is he nearby now?” The doctor inquires.

“No, he's traveling at the moment. I probably won’t see him until April.”

“Okay, you may experience some touch deprivation symptoms again since you’re separated after a heat. Hopefully not too bad but just keep doing what you did back in the fall.”

“Got it,” you reply.

You talk a little while longer and finally you’re on your way home. You’re not thrilled that the depri might come back. The chills, exhaustion and itchiness are never fun. But hopefully this will be the last long separation you have from Harry.

There’s a lot you need to talk to Harry about, like spending your heat with you, and what your ideas for the future are, but you want to do that in person so it will have to wait until April.

It’s another long few weeks without Harry. The days are cold, and at first you’re not sure if it’s the touch deprivation that has you chilled to the bone, or just the wind constantly whistling outside.

But when it gets harder and harder to get out of bed, and headaches become a near daily thing, you have to admit the depri is back.

Harry checks in with a phone call or FaceTime at least once a day, and sends texts whenever he has a free moment. You know that he’s always there for you, but your omega doesn’t understand this. The lack of touch, lack of pheromones, just overall physical lack of an alpha after having him so close sends your inner omega back into a depression.

One week before you’re set to reunite with Harry he calls you just like normal. But it’s been an awful day for you. A couple of your coworkers had recently quit, leaving you with an insane workload for the following days. The milk in your fridge had expired, leaving you without your normal tea and cereal for breakfast. It was finally a nice day out but the chill in your body remains. And your headache is worse than ever, and has you practically seeing double.

All in all, you're at your breaking point. You’ve been hiding how bad it is from Harry, not wanting to add more stress to him while he’s in the middle of a run of concerts. But just because you don’t say anything doesn’t mean Harry hasn’t picked up on how you’re feeling.

A couple minutes into the call Harry says, “Is everything alright, love?”

“Yea, everything is fine,” you lie.

“Darling, please tell me what’s happening. My alpha’s been on edge for days and I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.”

Suddenly there’s a feeling of guilt eating at you. It takes only a second to realize it’s your omega cowering at the fact you’ve upset your alpha. You have no choice but to explain the situation, so you tell him how you’ve been feeling.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you’re feeling badly again. I wish I was there to make it better,” he says once you’ve filled him in.

His kind words and gentle voice have tears springing to your eyes, but you quickly blink them back. Crying would only make the headache worse.

“It’s only a few more days, I’ll be okay,” you reply, annoyed at the shakiness in your voice.

The two of you talk a little longer and you’re truthfully feeling a bit better by the time you hang up. You spend the rest of the day working from your nest, the extra comfort helping as well.

That’s how you spend the next excruciatingly long week. When Harry finally knocks on your apartment door you open it immediately and slump into his outstretched arms. He somehow gets his bags inside, closes the door, and lifts you, carrying you to the couch.

He sits down and adjusts you so that you’re straddling his lap. Instincts lead you and you dive into his neck scenting him frantically.

“That’s it baby, I’m here. Take what you need, omega.” His words of encouragement help you settle, and soon you’re gently nosing along his scent gland. Once you have your fill you pull away, and Harry matches your shy smile with one of his own. He leans in next, kissing and licking along your neck to scent you in return.

Finally, you’re both satisfied and Harry moves to kiss your lips. You sigh against him, your entire being relieved now that you’re finally reunited with your alpha.

You spend a couple of quiet days together, Harry wanting to take it easy after weeks of touring on the other side of the world, and you recovering from the last of the touch deprivation symptoms. When you’re finally both feeling up to it, Harry makes reservations at a nice restaurant, wanting to take you on a date.

When you walk out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go, Harry is standing there, looking absolutely stunning. You’re completely speechless looking at him, and he seems to be feeling the same as well.

He regains his senses first, walking closer to run his hands along your arms as he takes you in. “Darling, you look amazing,” he finally says.

You blush and reply, “Thank you. You look very dashing.” He smiles shyly at the compliment and then lifts your hand to press a kiss to the back of it.

“Shall we be on our way?” he asks.

“We shall,” you reply, feeling happier and lighter than ever.

The date confirms what you’ve been thinking for a while now. Harry is a perfect gentleman throughout, and the comfort and familiarity you feel in his presence is unmatched. Conversation never halts, and you’re as happy to listen to him as he is to listen to you. It’s a lovely mixture of lighthearted topics, with a couple more serious discussions thrown in.

After the last bite of dessert is finished, and the bill is settled, the two of you make your way out of the restaurant. You walk back home, enjoying the mild spring weather, Harry’s arm wrapped gently around your waist.

There’s a shift once you get back to your apartment. Both of your scents deepen, lust swirling in the air.

“Alpha,” you breathe out, turning so your lips ghost against his.

“Yes, omega?” he replies.

“Take me to bed?”

“Anything for you,” he says before immediately making good on his word.

The next morning you wake up once more cuddled next to Harry. He’s still sleeping, and you take the time to reflect on the night before. You’d done a lot of talking, and it seems that many of his desires and life plans line up with yours. That plus the undeniable connection between his alpha and your omega confirms that the two of you are right for each other.

You know you need to ask him about your upcoming heat, knowing that it could start within the next couple of weeks. You’re mulling over how to bring it up when he wakes up beside you.

“Good morning,” he says, his voice gruff from sleep.

“Good morning,” you reply. “How’d you sleep?”

“Wonderfully. Always do with you in my arms,” he answers.

He shifts so that he’s level with you and can press a kiss to your lips. You get lost in the moment, but there’s still so many thoughts swirling through your brain. Harry notices your hesitance and asks, “What’s wrong? What’s going on in your head, hm?”

You could lie and say it’s nothing, but he’s already opened the door for the conversation. After a moment to collect your thought, you state, “My heat should be starting soon. Maybe a week or so.”

He nods to show he’s listening, and you continue, “I was wondering if you’d want to spend it with me?”

“Baby I would love to. Is that what you want? Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I’m ready. And I would really prefer not to be alone. I want you with me.”

“Then I will be. I’ll be there the whole time. I’ll always take care of you, love.”

“Thank you,” you answer before bringing your lips to his again. It’s a sweet kiss, full of emotion and gratitude for this gentle and caring man.

Over the next week and a half, you and Harry plan for your first ever real heat. You look at the pamphlets, making sure to answer all the questions asked there, and filling in Harry on your preferences. You make a trip to the grocery store to stock up on foods you’ll both need. You blush when you see that Harry has also stocked up on condoms. While you both have said you want pups at some point, now is not the time.

One morning you wake up feeling extra clingy. You barely let Harry out of your sight. By early afternoon you’re turning on the air conditioning, claiming an early spring heat wave must’ve hit. Throughout dinner you’re itching with a desire to nest, which you begin to do the second you finish eating. It’s the first time you’re okay being away from Harry since you want to do this job on your own.

When it’s complete you find Harry as he’s finishing the dinner dishes. Without a word you take his hand, leading him to the bedroom.

“Baby, it’s lovely,” he says when he sees the nest on the bed. “It’ll be perfect for your heat.”

“Do you think it’s coming soon?” you ask, looking for confirmation of what you’ve been questioning all afternoon.

“I do. Probably by morning, if your scent is anything to go by. How do you feel about it this time?”

“Still scared. But not as much as before. I don’t like that it’s going to be more intense and longer. But, you’re here so I think I’ll be okay.” You pause before correcting, “I know that I’ll be okay.”

“Yes, you will,” he says, standing behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. “I promise to keep you safe, to take care of you however you need.”

“Can we take a shower?” you suddenly ask. Harry’s a little surprised by the ask, since you’d both already showered that day, but he agrees. He assumes that you want to make sure you’re both clean before entering the nest. It’s going to get dirty during your heat, but it’s important to start with a perfect nest to provide comfort.

After you’ve both washed you pull on boxers and an oversized t-shirt, the loose material the only thing that won’t irritate your sensitive skin. You climb into your nest, holding your hand to Harry in a silent invitation.

“Will you scent me?” you ask once he’s settled next to you.

“Of course, baby,” he replies before leaning in to fulfill your request. You fall asleep, wrapped in Harry’s arms and his delicious scent.

You don’t know what time you wake up, only that there’s no way you can fall back asleep even though it’s definitely still dark out. You’re burning hot, and there’s a feeling inside that you can’t describe. A desperate hunger, somehow mixing with a distinct emptiness. There’s a whining sound and it takes a moment for your fuzzy brain to realize it came from you.

The sound wakes Harry up, and he quickly springs into action.

“Hey baby, tell me what you need,” he says.

“Alpha. I need you alpha. Need your knot,” you reply. The little part of you that’s not fully under yet winces at how needy you sound, but soon Harry’s hands are on you and your mind goes quiet.

All you’re aware of is the feeling off his skin on yours. “Off, off,” you say repeatedly until Harry has removed your clothes as well as his.

“Please, alpha, I need you. Empty, so empty.”

“I’m here, omega. I’ve got you.”

You lay on your back, pulling your legs up towards your chest. It’s an exposed and vulnerable position, but one your inner omega knows will get you what you want. It works like a charm, and Harry wastes no time. His fingers reach you first and he growls at how much slick he finds.

Content with how wet and open you are, and moved by how intense your whimpers and begs are growing, he pulls on a condom and quickly lines up with your entrance. You sob in relief when he pushes inside, your hands moving to his back to hold him as close as possible.

As much as Harry normally goes slow with you, he knows that’s not what will help you. Maybe after a first knot he’ll be able to take his time, but right now he sets a quick pace in order to give you what you need.

Your voice reaches a higher pitch, alerting Harry to your impending orgasm. He moves a hand to your center, rubbing your clit to push you over the edge. The feeling of your walls contracting is enough to have Harry coming as well, emptying into the condom as his knot expends inside of you.

You both catch your breath and Harry smooths your hair out of your face.

“How was that, omega? Are you alright?” He checks in with you.

“Good, alpha, so good,” you mumble out, a blissed smile on your face.

“Rest, baby. I’ll be here to take care of you.”

With that, you close your eyes, succumbing fully to the haze of heat as your alpha licks at your neck, surrounding you with his scent.

Your heat lasts four full days, and when you wake up on that final morning you don’t know how to feel. Traces of desire still linger, but nowhere near the level it was at before. You’re aware of your need to use the bathroom, and shower, and eat. Your first thought is that you’re relieved that it’s over. Your second thought is that it really was not a bad experience. At all. Having Harry there took something you were dreading and made it into something so special and enjoyable.

The heat haze makes it so you can’t really remember the experience, but you can remember the feelings. And what you felt was pure love and contentment. There’s no hollow loneliness like the last time. Instead, there’s fulfillment, a sense that all is right in your world.

Harry turns, his lips subconsciously finding yours as he begins to wake up. You melt into the kiss, but he must notice a shift from the last couple of days. He pulls back to look into your eyes.

“Hi, baby. You with me?” he asks.

“I’m here.”

“How do you feel? Are you alright?” You can tell he’s worried so you’re quick to reassure him.

“I feel wonderful. You were perfect, alpha.”

You see the relief written on his face before he pulls you in for another kiss.

“As much as I’d love to stay in bed making out with you, I feel gross. And hungry.”

That’s all you have to say before he springs into action. The two of you take a quick shower together just to rinse off before he makes breakfast with all of your favorites.

Both of you are still quite sore, so you decide to soak together in the bath. Once it’s filled Harry helps you in before sliding in place behind you. The hot water feels heavenly, and the bubbles give it a nice relaxing touch.

You’re both quiet for the first few minutes, lost in your own thoughts.

“I should probably call my doctor,” you say, suddenly breaking the silence. “See if I can get an appointment before we leave for tour.” You feel yourself getting excited. In just a couple of weeks you’ll be going with Harry to Europe for all of his shows there.

“That’s a good idea. What are you going to do? Get new prescriptions?”

It’s a good question. Back in the fall when your old medicines stopped working you were devastated. All you could think about was surviving the few months until you could get new ones that will work again.

But now it’s different. You have an alpha. You have Harry. And the answer becomes less clear.

After thinking for a minute, you realize you know exactly what you want and you say, “I don’t think I will. At least not like before. I might get a low dose of suppressants to make sure my heats have a regular schedule. And most suppressants also double as birth control. But I don’t want to completely hide my omega anymore. I did it out of necessity, because those meds were the only thing that kept me healthy without an alpha. But that’s different now. Right?”

“Yes, love. It’s completely different now. You have me. You always will. And if you don’t want to go back on such strong medication then I support your decision. I’ll be here for you, no matter what.”

“Thank you alpha,” you say, and he replies, “Always.”

***

With Harry’s full support, you walk into your doctor’s appointment a week later with a plan. She also supports your decision to do a much lower dose of suppressants. By the time you reach Denmark for the first show, you feel better than ever before.

As you watch Harry on stage you know that you made the right decision. Sure, there are plenty of obstacles to overcome, but you’re confident that you can do anything with Harry by your side.

And when you hear him sing Fine Line live for the first time, you know that everything truly will be alright.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story! The main story is finished but I'm open to writing some extra oneshots so if you have requests let me know!

Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite@theekyliepage@numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry@ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess@houseofdilfs@shaquille-0atmeal-1@kissitnhekitchen @amateurduck @poguestyleskye@n0vaj3an@snwells@drunk-teens-doing-drugs ; @fdl305@creativelyeva@daphnesutton@selluequestrian@lovingfurypanda @stardream14 @tbsloneely@eversincehs1@boomitsallie1@rose-garden-dreamz@fictionalmensblog@buckybarnessimpp @ottawaoutlander @storyschanging @jerseygirlinca@stylesfever@alwayslovingharry @daphnesutton @harrydeary

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfiction

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thisisnotthenerd · 4 months

Text

the perils of xp leveling: junior year

now that we're a fair bit out from the finale, it's time for some analysis. i've covered parts of this previously:

the spreadsheet [d20 xp leveling]

the original post [rat grinders levels]

the first follow-up [bad kids level up through sophomore year]

mall madness update

pre-last stand update

the last stand exam

rock the boat update

statting out the rat grinders

file aaa-bkq-04-doj

same stipulations as before:

xp for encounters is evenly divided six ways

monsters are either taken directly from the phb and other source materials or i calculate their CR based on dpr and other statistics

some opponents/encounters will have contextual multipliers--generally these are applied to account for the number of opponents, but may also account for other complicating factors such as environmental hazards, puzzles/traps, and the addition of other objectives to the battles.

as always, this is a combination of statistics and my own meta.

let's get started.

the cult of the night yorb: i previously covered this in my initial estimation of the bad kids' xp gains, but we're repeating it here for the sake of archival consistency. as a reminder, the majority of the yorbies fought were out of battle, so they start with ~70000 XP gained from fighting the yorbies over the course of the summer. no contextual multipliers for this fight--it was pretty straightforward and appropriately leveled for the bad kids.

yorbies: CR 3. this category also accounts for things like the yath-mags. total of 15 fought in battle. 10500 XP.

the night yorb: CR 19. total of 22000 XP for the sealing

total XP count: 32500 XP, plus 70000 for the yorbies they fought previously, for a total of 102500 XP, or 17083 each.

mall madness: this one is tricky for a couple of reasons--first, the number of opponents, and second, the complicated interactions with cassandra. thus, this battle has a few modifiers to account for the difficulties. i do think it was initially leveled correctly--the bad kids were handling the threats appropriately and responding both to the time pressure of the fight and cassandra's crisis. the turning point came with the shrimp incapacitation. it was, at root, brennan exerting control over the battlefield to ensure the fight wasn't just the bad kids whaling on the enemies--it just ended up turning into worse consequences than maybe anticipated.

shatter-stars: CR 3, based on their abilities. total of 13 fought, 6 defeated. 1.5x modifier for number. 6300 XP

rage mages: CR 5, based on their abilities. total of 10 fought, 3 defeated. 1.5x modifier for number. 8100 XP

cassandra: i placed her at CR 22, equivalent to her stats as the nightmare king. since she shifted between being an opponent, an ally, and incapacitated, i placed a 0.5x modifier on her. 20500 XP

kalina: CR 18, as established in sophomore year. i modified her as well because we really didn't see her do very much during this fight. 10000 XP

total XP count: 44900 XP, or 7483 each

frostyfaire folk festival: the title is really long and i'm not doing the whole thing. anyway, this fight is of a comparable level to the night yorb fight, with modifiers applied for number of opponents and the additional objectives of the fight (saving gorgug's parents, evacuating the civilians, protecting ruben, the vulture dimension)

principal grix: CR 13, as an ~18th level spellcaster with lair actions. 1.5x modifier. 15000 XP

sex lawnmower: CR 10, with a 1.5x modifier, for 8850 XP

washer/dryer: CR 7, with a 1.5x modifier on each, for 8700 XP

dildo robots: CR 4, for a 1.5x modifier on each, for 4950 XP

total XP count: 37500 XP, or 6250 each

baron's game: this one was a fun one to stat out. i deliberately did not include the divine interventions as part of the encounter because they did not actively fight them, they only escaped them. otherwise, it's a fun little puzzle with pvp mechanics included as part of the fight.

baron from the baronies: the version we saw didn't have too many abilities beyond the mirror travel and possession mechanics. it's possible baron v2.0 might have been a more powerful opponent. CR 10, with a 1.5x modifier for the possession mechanics.

zayn darkshadow: essentially a ghosty 12th level spellcaster. CR 8. 1.5x modifier for the time mechanics and environmental factors. his particular bane (edgar) went unused against him. 5850 XP

gulsom: uses flesh golem stats. CR 5, with a 1.5x modifier for the time mechanics and environmental factors. 2700 XP

zara sool: same deal as zayn, but as a vampire warlock. CR 8. 1.5x modifier for the time mechanics and environmental factors. her particular bane (garlic) went unused against her. 5850 XP

jawbone: uses actual werewolf stats, at CR 3. his particular bane (wolfsbane) went unused and he was not actually faced in combat, thus a 0.5x modifier was applied. 350 XP

kalina: CR 18, as previously depicted. 0.5x modifier because she wasn't actually encountered but instead defeated by the destruction of the curse and escape from baron's dimension. 10000 XP

alt gilear/athenriel: we don't know what his actual abilities would have been, so i put him at a CR 12, with a 0.5x modifier. essentially this is the XP gain for breaking the curse of the armor of pride. 4200 XP

total XP count: 37800 XP, or 6300 each

the last stand: this one i covered in my in-universe meta as shared above; i did change it slightly after running it through some encounter simulators. everything gets a 2x modifier because they were taking a test at the same time and dealing with a literal mob of enemies, though the strategy was incredible. they also had some extraordinary luck in this encounter in terms of gorgug's crits, adaine not taking hits, and kristen's true sight. since i've gone through this already this breakdown is going to be very simple.

otyugh: CR 5 for 3600 XP

ochre jellies: 3 total at CR 2, for 2700 XP

gorgon: CR 5 for 3600 XP

hydra: CR 8 for 7800 XP

skeletons: 8 total at CR 1/4, for 800 XP

mimic: CR 2 for 900 XP

manticore: CR 3 for 1400 XP

shrimp dragon: using young black dragon stats, CR 7 for 5800 XP

roper: CR 5 for 3600 XP

umber hulk: CR 5 for 3600 XP

stirges: 8 total at CR 1/4, for 800 XP

wyvern: CR 6 for 4600 XP

crab man: using hulking crab stats, CR 5 for 3600 XP

rust monsters: 8 total at CR 1/2, for 1600 XP

pentacorn: using modified unicorn stats, CR 6 for 4600 XP

purple worm: CR 15 for 26000 XP

total XP count: 75000 XP, or 12500 each

rock the boat: another one i've briefly covered before; much like the last stand, the bad kids are running with multiple objectives, but the combat itself is very much hit point sinks. everything has a 1.5 modifier for the party and ship mechanics, since the bad kids had to split their turns between shepherding votes and keeping the ship in the sky.

black dragon wyrmling: CR 2 for 675 XP

white dragon wyrmling: CR 2 for 675 XP

green dragon wyrmling: CR 2 for 675 XP

blue dragon wyrmling: CR 3 for 1050 XP

young white dragon: CR 6 for 3450 XP

young black dragon: 2 total at CR 7 for 8700 XP

young green dragon: CR 8 for 5850 XP

young blue dragon: CR 9 for 7500 XP

adult red dragon: since it's functionally two dragons with the legendary actions of a single dragon, i modified it up to CR 21 for 49500 XP

ancient blue dragon: CR 23 for 75000 XP. oisin's grandma, killed by riz gukgak the dragonslayer.

nightmare king: CR 22 as normal, with the 1.5 modifier for environment. i halved that to 0.75 because of k2's divine intervention, so it ends up as a 0.75 modifier. 30750 XP

total XP count: 183825 XP or 30638 each

ragenarok: i covered this in the full year file, but it's been slightly modified since then. as stated by brennan, the rat grinders have 20th level class/subclass features without the hit points or strategy to back it up. reference statting out the rat grinders above for my commentary on the builds. they have the benefit of jace being 4 allied spellcasters in one, and porter being an ascending deity. everything gets a 1.5 modifier because of the additional objectives and the number of opponents; it would have been higher, but the bad kdis effectively avoided the environmental hazard of lava by using ice feast and ended up using it as a weapon.

shatter-stars: 3 total at CR 3 for 3150 XP

ivy embra: CR 11 for 10800 XP

oisín hakinvar: CR 11 for 10800 XP

ruben hopclap: CR 11 for 10800 XP

kipperlilly copperkettle: CR 11 for 10800 XP

mary ann skuttle: CR 11 for 10800 XP

buddy dawn: CR 11 for 10800 XP

jace stardiamond: CR 16, as a 20th level sorcerer. there are four of him, so this becomes 90000 XP total

porter cliffbreaker: in a logical progression from their previous fights, porter is CR 24, for a total of 93000 XP

total XP count: 250950 XP, or 41825 each

overall total and final comments:

over the course of fantasy high junior year, the bad kids earned 732475 XP, or 122079 individually. that's enough to get them to 13th level on just what they earned this year. it functionally triples the amount they earned in sophomore year, but works in a logical progression, since they tripled their gains from freshman year in sophomore year + oneshots.

they're looking at an overall total of 1091813, or 181969 individually, which would put them comfortably into level 15, assuming they immediately level up post-ragenarok.

if we go by my original rat grinding estimate, that would put them almost equal with the projected gains of the rat grinders at the beginning of junior year (assuming they're fighting rats, spiders, and twig blights with no variants).

now we know they weren't actually fighting rats, but instead xp farming larger creatures from the mountains of chaos--at some point i would love to figure out what they 'defeated' to get to their prospective level.

in terms of the general combat structures this season, we saw a return to the battlemaps. lots of puzzles, fun bits, and easter eggs from the art department.

we saw some tactics shift with character decisions:

fig's dip into paladin effectively made her a third melee fighter for the party while maintaining her mid-level spellcasting for AOEs and buffs

K2, while deeply silly and affirmed by the universe in her comedy, served as a second cleric that could keep the party up

gorgug did still serve as a raging tank, but leaned harder on the artificer side of his build to enhance the party through buffs (flash of genius), reactions (absorb elements), and unique parts of his subclass

riz worked with utility magic to enhance his tactics beyond just getting sneak attack

fabian and adaine retained and expanded on their previous builds--they served as pillars of stability as the party's tactics changed.

i do think we saw a major shift as the season went on; before the last stand combats felt difficult but appropriately scaled; just over the edge of deadly for the party, lots of puzzles and environmental mechanics, and variety throughout them. the xp gains align with that--in the first few battles, they're equal or underleveled in xp terms, which aligns with previous patterns from fantasy high.

furthermore, it fit with the themes of rage and stress, while providing impetus for organic narrative investigation post-battle:

the end of the night yorb battle segues into the first day of school

the end of the mall battle goes into fabian's party where we met the rat grinders

the end of frostyfaire leads to finding lucy and yolanda in the far haven woods

the end of baron's game leads to investigations in hell

they neatly fit the structure of battle-rp-downtime. this rhythm is maintained until episode 14, as the bad kids go into the last stand. afterwards, we get two downtime episodes that have major rp/lore reveals and then three consecutive battle episodes.

the last three battles (the last stand, rock the boat, ragenarok) all escalated the scale of combat to an almost absurd extent. it stands as a testament to the skill of the players as well as some absurd luck that the bad kids all survived the combats. i did feel a loss of tension to some extent--once they proved they could survive the last stand, the bad kids were pretty much unstoppable, both on and off the battlefield. i'd be excited to see how they could escalate from it in senior year if they ever decide to do it.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #dimension 20 meta #thisisnotthenerd's d20 stats #musings on the solisian school district #the perils of xp leveling #the bad kids #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fantasy high

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annwrites · 5 months

Text

— pairing: shane walsh x fem!reader

— type: part of a series

— summary: you & shane (mostly you) try to talk hershel into letting you take care of the walkers in the barn

— tags: talking

— tw: discussions of loss of loved ones

— word count: 1,009

It'd taken a good bit of convincing on your part to talk Shane down from going full-steam-ahead and using the walkers in Hershel's barn for target practice.

Numerous soft words, touches, looks, and kisses later—and right in his lap, at that—he'd finally calmed enough to let you go inside and try and talk to Hershel yourself, instead of risking Shane, once again, acting first and thinking later, if at all.

At present, you and Hershel are seated at his dining room table, Shane leaning back against the wall, eyes intently upon you.

You lay your arms upon the tabletop, hands clasped in front of you. You do your utmost to maintain a calm, sympathetic demeanor, in every manor, as you talk with him. Shane had already done enough damage. So much so that when you'd initially come to Hershel to talk, Shane right on your heels, he'd initially told the both of you to get out.

He'd only acquiesced due to you and your genteel femininity.

"How do you know? How can you look at me and tell me you don't believe there's a chance? For a cure? Something? Rick insisted the same thing, and my answer is the same now as it was then: we've been fighting plague after plague since the world began. And we've always survived, just as we will now. Just as...as they might." Hershel asks, voice full of doubt.

"You've been sheltered here. I can appreciate that. But you've still seen them. Their skin is rotting from their bones. Entire limbs...missing. Their organs have decayed. There's...there's no coming back from what they've become. And I hate to say it, because it's still so awful to even try and accept, to even grasp, but they're walking corpses. Who they once were? Your neighbors and friends, your family—people you loved and cared for? They passed away a long, long time ago.

“I think that, even if by some miracle, a cure or vaccine—treatment—one day becomes available…it won’t apply to them. They’re too far gone for any amount of saving. And I’m so sorry to say that. Truly.”

He’s quiet for a long while, staring at the window across the room, his breathing steady. You know he’s thinking; considering.

He doesn’t look at you when he replies. “You’ve lost people you love. By your age, I assume your parents?”

He glances to you then and you nod.

“Would you see things this way if they were in there?”

“I would.” And you mean it.

Shane sighs. “Man, let me tell you somethin’-”

You turn abruptly toward him. “Shane, stop.” You say it firmly.

He shuts his mouth.

Hershel then looks at him. “If you speak again, this meeting is over. You’re not the one I agreed to listen to. I let you in my house as a courtesy. Same with my farm, which you and your people were supposed to have been gone from some time ago after Carl recovered. But I’ve allowed you to stay longer out of good Christian charity, which runs lowers with every word you speak. Don’t you forget that.”

Shane shakes his head, looking away, thumbs threaded behind his belt.

Finally, Hershel looks back to you. “How would you do it?”

“I’d really prefer—if you do agree to this—that you and your family not be here when we…put them down,” you say it as kindly—as softly—as you can manage. “I don’t want all of you bearing witness to it—in any form. I don’t want to risk any of you seeing it, or even hearing the gunshots.

“I know it’s dangerous: asking all of you to leave. But it would be, at most, for perhaps an hour. We can get started on digging the graves now…if you have an estimate of how many may need created? And then, when it’s time, a couple of our people can go with you, maybe to the training area we set up, since it’s already cleared out.

“And when you come back, and they’ve been laid in their graves, you tell us their names—what you want put on their markers—and we’ll help you do that, too. You’ll finally have a place where you all can go to see them. To talk to them. To mourn them and grieve. They can finally be put to rest.”

You reach across the table, resting your palm atop his clasped hands.

Hershel stares at the table and he’s quiet again for a long time. Then, “I need time to consider this. This isn’t a decision I can make on my own. They’re not just my family and friends.”

You nod, bringing your hand back. “I understand that. Take all the time you need.”

“And if I tell you, once I’ve decided, that my decision is no? If I tell you all to get off my land once and for all?”

You glance to Shane and you see his jaw feather and then he shakes his head.

You look back to Hershel. “Then we would leave. But you need to understand that…if you leave them in there…it may only be a matter of time. A matter of time before they get through the doors. Or break through the sides of the barn. And if—when—that happens… We won’t be here to help you if they begin to overrun the house, or your farm. So, I guess it’s a good thing Patricia, Jimmy, and Beth went through training.”

He stands then, as do you. “I’ll consider this.”

You smile. “Thank you for being willing to. For taking the time to listen to me.”

You all three head toward the front door, until Hershel stops Shane with a hand to his chest, which he then drops. “She’s an extraordinary young woman. You could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve her. Perhaps you should take that into consideration,” he nods his head toward you. “For her sake, when you think about what’s truly best for her.”

Shane doesn’t deign to give him a reply. He simply takes your hand firmly in his, leading you outside.

#fic: twd (shane walsh x reader)#shane walsh x y/n #shane walsh x reader #shane walsh imagine #twd x reader #twd x y/n #twd x you

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dn-838 · 9 months

Text

In defence of Undertale Yellow, how it can work with Undertale’s canon

So, I have seen a lot of debating recently on Undertale Yellow and whether or not it fits what we know already about the lore in Undertale. Of course Flowey’s presence in the mod is the primary thing that has sparked this debate, with many believing that he can’t have existed at the same time as the Justice Soul and that it is a major hole that breaks the continuity of Undertale. I however, as someone who has spent way too much time with Undertale and has vast knowledge about even the most obscure of details in the game, disagree. I believe that Undertale Yellow fits the original games canon well… maybe a bit too well, and I am here to give my own arguments against the things that I commonly see people say doesn’t fit the original game’s continuity. This may contain a few spoilers for Undertale Yellow, so unless you’ve already seen all 3 routes or for whatever reason don’t care about having the game spoiled, don’t read further until you are done.

Argument 1: all the Souls were already collected by the creation of Flowey and the amalgamates

Okay so this one I don’t really have much to say about. Yes Flowey and the Amalgamates were created using the SOULs of some of the collected humans, however it’s never specified that it was from 6 humans, all that’s made clear is that Asgore did have human SOULs (in plural) that were used in the experiment.

Argument 2: the timeline doesn’t match up

The timeline has always been a confusing topic among the Undertale community. While the most likely estimate of the gap between Chara and Frisk falling is 100 years due to what Sans tells us during his date.

There are a few reasons for us to believe that the gap is much smaller, especially considering the weird nature of the Deltarune timeline and the supposed grudge Chara seems to have against Snowdrake in Genocide (who is stated to only be a teenager).

However, no matter how you view the timeline, unless you have specific dates in mind for things like when Gaster was the Royal Scientist and when the fall of Integrity-Justice happened, or think the gap was REALLY short, Undertale Yellow doesn’t really contradict it too much. The game itself is meant to take place just a year before Undertale, with all the same characters existing in similar positions to how they do by the time of Undertale, however we never encounter them due to being on a completely different path that takes us to very different parts of the underground, being why they don’t behave like they encountered a human before in Undertale.

Integrity is a bit more interesting, because it can vary massively depending on how you view the lifespans of the Ketsukane’s, Starlo (Starlo won’t be important to this, but I mention him since he was childhood friends with Ceroba) and Dalv. It is strongly implied that as a kid, Dalv was best friends with Kanako, and was attacked by the Integrity human some point before the games events. At first you’d assume that this was all not meant to be long before the events of the game, however, Integrity was killed by Axis in UTY, a robot that was being worked on by Chujin back when the Steamworks were still in operation, which we can assume was long before the events of the game due to the state of the Steamworks itself and the fact it is stated to have been used as the source of all power in the underground, which would mean it would likely have shut down around the period that the CORE was first put into operation, so all the way back when Gaster was still the Royal Scientist, whenever you think that was (Axis wasn’t sent to kill the human until after Chujin was fired from his position, however due to the way Axis is locked up and deactivated before we wake up the Steamworks, we can assume he was shut down with the rest of the facility). On top of all this Dalv is shown to be a lot older than he presumably would have been when he was attacked by Integrity, and with him being a Vampire, you could say that he aged that much at a slower rate than a human would, with the Ketsukane’s also aging slow, 2 of them being Boss Monsters and one of them being a 9 tailed fox. We know that some monsters do likely age at very different rates due to monsters like Gerson who lived through the war.

So to give the whole timeline, basically, Chujin worked in the Steamworks and made Axis back before or during Gaster’s time as the royal scientist. After several failed prototypes that eventually got Chujin fired, Axis was sent to chase down and kill Integrity. He managed and Chujin kept the Soul hidden and over the span of years recorded a few tapes for what he had planning, meanwhile Dalv, who was previously attacked by Integrity, went into hiding, locking himself into a mostly dark and unknown part of the ruins. At some point when Alphy’s became the Royal Scientist, Chujin started to mentor Martlet, which led Martlet to enter the True Lab and get some strange serum. Eventually Chujin died around a year or two before UTY, revealing his hidden tapes to Ceroba, which Kanako overheard. This led to Ceroba attempting to inject Kanako with the Integrity soul, leading to Kanako falling and being donated to Alphy’s, and her of course then becoming an amalgamate.

Argument 3: Asgore killed all 6 of the other humans

Okay so this one is interesting, because Undyne does imply that humans before Frisk did make it to Asgore, with her saying that “no human has ever made it PAST Asgore” rather than “no human has ever made it TO Asgore”

The thing is, that other humans reached Asgore is all this really does imply, it doesn’t necessarily mean all humans made it to Asgore. You could argue that most of them died to Asgore, with Integrity and Justice being the only exceptions. If you really want to stretch you could even say that this line was actually just another attempt from Undyne to make Asgore sound like a powerful and threatening force (since she tries to make him out like that quite a bit in her fight, such as by saying that killing us is an act of mercy right after this), although I find this unlikely.

There is another line of dialogue that I sometimes see used to try and prove that Asgore killed all 6, and while it’s not used close to as much, I’ll still just quickly clear it up.

This doesn’t really mean that much, all it’s saying is that all the humans that leave the ruins inevitably die. She likely wouldn’t know any details on their deaths do to her isolation, and even if she had some knowledge she would probably still place the blame on Asgore due to his part in waging war and coming up with the plan to kill 7 humans in the first place.

Argument 4: The introduction of new incredibly powerful characters makes no sense

Okay, so this is a weird one, however the explanation for it is fairly simple. Nobody in UTY compares to the original Undertale cast when it comes to how “powerful” they are. We struggle so much against the opponents we face as Clover because well… Clover is much weaker than Frisk, bosses like Ceroba and Axis pale in comparison to Undyne and Mettaton, they just seem much harder since we are playing as a human with much less determination than Frisk. In Pacifist Clover fights a depressed fox lady, meanwhile Frisk fights a literal god; in Neutral Clover goes through a struggle fighting through Flowey’s mind after having his Soul absorbed, meanwhile Frisk holds on against Flowey with 6 Souls until those Souls rebel; and in Genocide Clover takes some time to finally destroy Axis, the failed prototype that got Chujin fired, meanwhile Frisk atomised Mettaton NEO, The greatest invention of the Scientist who was selected to replace Gaster, in a single blow.

The only Undertale Yellow character that I’d say surpasses any character in Undertale would of course be Zenith Martlet, but even then LV 19 Frisk would mop the floor with her, while LV 19 Clover had to go through a lot of effort to beat her, only ever managing to surpass Flowey in Determination after doing so. At LV 20 both Clover and Frisk have massive boosts from LV 19, however Frisk is far stronger, having awakened Chara and caused the destruction of everything, while Clover just destroys Asgore with a super laser blast directly from their Soul and leaves.

Argument 5: miscellaneous

Just to clear up any further confusion, I’ll give quick explanations for some more minor points that I have encountered

Nobody in the original Undertale apart from Flowey, Toriel and Asgore meets Clover, so the other monsters in Undertale acting like they had never met one makes sense.

Flowey not just stealing Clovers Soul is explained well by the game itself. He plans to, however he doesn’t get the chance in Pacifist; sees that we couldn’t surpass Asgore in Flawed Pacifist; steals our soul but is unsatisfied with the outcome and resets in Neutral, and gets gunned down in Genocide.

Toriel believing that it’s been a long time since a previous human fell when she sees Frisk in Undertale doesn’t mean much, she mostly lives isolated in the Ruins, with the other monsters being too afraid to speak with her, considering this and just generally how much seemed to have happened within that year, time could have felt much slower. Alternatively you could argue that the 6 humans all fell within months of each other, and that a years gap is a long time in comparison to the rate the first 6 fell (or 5, since she says the exact same thing to Clover).

Both Flowey and Clover using file 1 at the end of Genocide doesn’t fit what we know about save files no, however I feel it is a little nit-picky to use it as a definitive reason to discredit how well UTY fits into canon, after all the only thing you’d need to do is change the numbers and this would be fixed.

The Gunsmith having been born a week before the Human Vs Monster war doesn’t go against anything we already know. As stated before, we know that at least some monsters like Gerson do live for a very long time.

Flowey having more determination than Clover also doesn’t break anything. Flowey was injected with DT from 5 human Souls. The thing is that Frisk was special when it came to the amount of determination they had.

Unlike with most of the other cast, nobody in Undertale actually indicates that Flowey never met a human prior to Frisk.

Chujin being a boss Monster doesn’t contradict what we know about Boss Monsters. We know that the Dreemurrs are boss monsters, but nothing tells us that they are the only boss monsters.

Argument 6: the nature of the SAVE files contradicts Undertale Yellow

Here we go, the penultimate argument I shall argue against. Never did I expect for this obscure piece of Undertale lore to be the bane of my existence but here we are. For a short time I thought that this could not be countered, only after I had walked away from a discussion completely defeated did the pieces finally start to come together, and now finally… I have an explanation.

First things first, let’s look at the 10 save files. The files go from file 0 to file 9. We know that File 0 likely belongs to Chara due to it being the one that we save with in Undertale, and that file 9 belongs to Frisk since it works as the games Autosave/Checkpoint system. File 8 would then of course belong to Flowey, not just because it’s the one just before Frisks but because File 8 appears in your files after you beat Omega Flowey to mark your completion of a Neutral run, likely implying that his previous SAVE was of course when he was Omega Flowey. Flowey also uses files 2, 3 and 6 throughout the Omega Flowey battle, and since Toriel implies that other humans who fell were also able to save and reset, we can assume that 2-6 likely belonged to previously fallen humans.

Now the only files that need an explanation are file 1 and file 7, and I’ve seen 2 interesting theories for this. The first is that file 1 belongs to Asriel after he took Chara’s Soul, and the other is that file 7 belongs to Lemon Bread since they know what a SAVE point looks like and tries to trick us with it; but the thing is, which one of these are true? Surely it can’t be both since we know one needs to belong to the 6th… okay I’ll cut that out you already know I’m going to say they are both true.

So for Asriel having file 1, he absorbed Chara’s Soul so should have all of their determination and therefore should also have overtaken their ability to SAVE. Of course it’s unlikely that Asriel would have made anything out of it since the idea of saving and loading was fairly alien to Flowey, however that doesn’t necessarily rule out the possibility that Asriel didn’t SAVE or at least have a file created.

Lemon Bread is a bit more complicated, and we are gonna need to look into the order of events within the True Lab to try and work this out. Firstly, we need to look at some of the true lab entries.

ASGORE asked everyone outside the city for monsters that had "fallen down."

Their bodies came in today.

They're still comatose... And soon, they'll all turn into dust.

But what happens if I inject "determination" into them?

If their SOULS persist after they perish, then...

Freedom might be closer than we all thought.

This is entry 6, when the fallen down monsters are given to Alphy’s and have Determination injected into them.

I've chosen a candidate.

I haven't told ASGORE yet, because I want to surprise him with it...

In the center of his garden, there's something special.

The first golden flower, that grew before all the others.

The flower from the outside world.

It appeared just before the queen left.

I wonder...

What happens when something without a SOUL gains the will to live?

This is entry 8, Alphy’s gets a hold of a golden flower that she injects Determination into.

“One of the bodies opened its eyes.

This is entry 13, when the fallen monsters started to regain consciousness, 7 entries after they were first delivered.

Seems like this research was a dead end...

But at least we got a happy ending out of it...?

I sent the SOULS back to ASGORE, returned the vessel to his garden....

And I called all of the families and told them everyone's alive.

I'll send everyone back tomorrow. :)

This is entry 15, by this point all the monsters that had fallen down were awake, and the still not conscious Golden Flower was still just a Flower, being returned alongside the human Souls.

no No NO NO NO NO NO

This is entry 16, the fallen down monsters started to melt together and create the amalgamates.

the flower's gone.

Finally, we have entry 18, when Alphy’s noticed that the Flower seems to have disappeared from the garden, 10 entries after she first selected it.

So, why are these entries so important? Well we know that to have ever held the ability to SAVE, Lemon Bread would have to had held the right amount of Determination before Flowey first became conscious in the garden, and did they? Yes, yes they did. Flowey could have awakened anywhere in the timeframe between entry 15 when he was returned to entry 18 when Alphy’s noticed him gone, however all the fallen down monsters that were injected with Determination were already awake by this point, and therefore prior to Flowey waking up, they would have been the most determined beings in the underground, perhaps with enough determination that whichever monster happened to have the most was able to SAVE. The time that they would have had with the ability would also have at least been for longer than Asriel had it since Flowey can’t have awoken until after a couple entries later at the bare minimum. Of course since this follows the idea that Lemon Bread had the SAVE ability since they knew what a SAVE point looks like, we can assume that the monster in question would have been Shyren’s sister, since I doubt that the Moldbygg and Aaron that also make up Lemon Bread would hold such a role.

Argument 7: Flowey’s backstory

I really thought I was done with this infuriating Flower, but it appears not. For there is a single hole I need to clear up… Flowey’s Genocide speech. Of course this should be fairly simple to clear up-

Ah… well okay this makes things interesting. If Flowey didn’t know where the Souls were stored then that would make it very hard to believe that Flowey ever encountered a human before Frisk since if that were the case then Flowey would definitely have an opportunity to sneak by and see where they are hiding, however this is not what the dialogue actually means. Flowey knew where the Souls were, he sneaks in to steal them in Neutral while we are talking to a defeated Asgore, his only issue was that he wasn’t able to get them out without Asgore. In repeated Neutral runs he still just waits until we are distracted with Asgore to take the Souls, and in Pacifist he takes them while the main cast are all distracted which again is when the canisters are open and available.

On a last note, here’s some dialogue that actually helps the idea that Flowey encountered another human.

It’s made clear all throughout the underground that humans have far greater Determination than monsters, and while you could argue that Flowey was just overconfident in his abilities, it’s still fairly strange that Flowey would still find a human having the DT to overwrite his abilities something special, unless of course he’d encountered a human previously who wasn’t able to do as much.

Conclusion

So, that’s about all I have to say, honestly I’m just glad to be done with it. This was a lot of work, and I’m excited to see this post which I’ve been working on for 3 days get completely dismantled almost immediately. Anyways, wish everyone reading a good day and goodbye!

#undertale #undertale theory #undertale yellow #undertale fangame #indie games #ut yellow #uty

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atlasofthestaars · 1 year

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[MK X READER] New Era - Chapter .006

first part | previous part | next part

NOTE: Not sure if the beginning needs any warnings and what to label it? But it is a little more dreary than the rest of the story has been previously, so take note of that.

Originally was going to be a bit of a faster paced chapter, but I started writing in like, the complete opposite way, and I kinda liked where it went so I just rolled with it. So it’s a little bit slower of a chapter this time, but I hope the fluff makes up for it since it has moments with the champion squad.

Hopefully, according to my plans, we should only have a few more chapters left in the pre-outworld arc? I think about chapter 11 is where we will hop back to it with the mini tournament for Earthrealm’s champion, but that estimate may change depending on the ideas I have. I just want to make sure we have plenty of time with all the Earthrealm men before we head back into more of the plot.

Looks like Shang Tsung is part of the official love interest line up! This actually quite heavily affects the story, so hopefully you all will be pleased by how it turns out when that part rolls around! Reiko did not make the cut, sorry to all those who wanted him! He will get screentime, but the reader will have a different type of dynamic with him due to this.

Also double whammy poll! While we have a lot of lovely men to fall for, someone asked about Kitana and Mileena! So here’s your time to let me know your thoughts on them! (Especially Mileena, because it WILL change whether I portray Mileena x Tanya in this fic or if Mileena is not with her so she can be romanceable).

I LIED I JUST REALIZED I CAN ONLY DO ONE POLL AT A TIME. KITANA WILL BE NEXT CHAPTER, THEN HAVIK WILL BE AFTER THAT.

FROM THE EYES OF ONE WHO HAS STRUGGLES RELAXING

Turns out, you struggle with forcing yourself to relax.

It was odd, you had been content before with a life of a simple routine. All you had to do before was train yourself and be at Liu Kang’s side as your duties, you could do whatever else you wished for the rest of the day. Most times that meant going on long walks and trying to decipher your memories.

It was a routine you settled on after many had decided you needed no further routine training, and after a certain incident. Of course, you pushed yourself to train with others occasionally nowadays, but you were a student no longer.

It was a routine most were happy you had, for before that simple routine, you had found yourself often run ragged. You often went from place to place, too ambitious to train, too ambitious to strive for more. In between those training sessions, you found yourself often running around doing too many tasks that others had given you upon your request. You sometimes skipped meals, and sometimes cut hours of sleep to try and cram everything into your schedule.

It wasn’t like no one noticed the way you were slowly ruining yourself, they did, you just ignored their concerns. You waved it off, saying you were fine. You found yourself saying that line to Liu Kang the most, who always seemed to want to stop you.

It got so bad even Bi-Han had to sit you down and scold you for how exhausted you had become.

“Fool, don’t you know you’re inconveniencing everyone else when you destroy yourself like this!?” He had told you, pinning you with a harsh glare. He had slammed his hands on the desk, ice spreading from his hands onto the desk from his frustration.

You had, of course, defended yourself in every which way back then. Who cares if you were tired? You had to get things done so others could relax. Why did he insinuate that you were a burden when clearly everyone else was benefitting from this? Those points and many more were tossed between you two, and that had caused a large argument between you two for a long time.

That grudge between you two carried for a while. You had been too stubborn to admit Bi-Han was right. How could you? That’d be admitting defeat.

And you loathed defeat.

Furthermore, that meant that you had to stop doing stuff for people. Certainly you could not stop your training, that would lead to you weakening. You had to get stronger! People were counting on you, and you had a feeling that you just had to get stronger, even without thinking of others. The tiny voice in your head was screaming that you had to.

And if you didn’t cut down on training, you had to stop doing tasks. And how could you tell someone that you couldn’t do something for them? The idea of the look of disappointment followed by a pitiful “it’s alright” scared you. You already promised so many people many things, you couldn’t just go around and tell them that you couldn’t all of a sudden.

You’d be a disappointment.

So you deluded yourself that you were doing the right thing, letting yourself get carried away. It was a harsh, dark part of your life. It was a part of your life you were not proud of. You pushed many people away. Kuai Liang, Tomas, Madam Bo, Master Kai…so many people that kept on telling you to end this foolish pursuit.

You didn’t listen.

You carried on with your destructive lifestyle, aiming to try and do anything and everything all at once. If you could do it all, everyone else would be happy, and that’s all you wanted. You lied often, saying that you were okay, and tried to cover it up with a weary smile

It wasn’t until you had collapsed during training and gone unconscious for nearly a day that Liu Kang stepped in.

“I have been a fool.” Liu Kang had murmured when you had awoken that day, You felt faint, nauseous, and so many things all at once. He had reached a hand to touch your forehead, eyebrows furrowed with worry. “I should have realized earlier that you had been running yourself into the ground, I should have trusted my own instincts and never let you go this far.”

“I’m fine.” You had insisted, trying to sit up. The god had to force you down, which was easy in your weakened state. He had instructed you to take a break until you were better. “How long?” You had asked, your voice hoarse as you asked desperately, feeling the grip of fear at the idea of becoming useless for the people that meant so much for you.

“As long as it takes.” Liu Kang replied, with a tone of finality. Back then, those words were like a death sentence. Nowadays, you realized it had been a blessing in disguise. You try not to think of how long those days felt, constantly being shadowed by one of the Lin Kuei brothers or even Madam Bo. It was painful to think of, some days. But then again, it wasn’t all bad.

After all, that’s the main reason you had gotten closer with all of them.

Kuai Liang had been helpful, giving you advice and being there at your aid any time you needed. He had been a good person to confide in, for he never shamed you for the worries you carried. He was a gentle flame, providing the warmth you did not know you needed in your life.

Tomas had been a welcoming presence, giving you laughs and joy in a situation where you struggled. He was much more playful than his brothers, and the dreary days were always made a bit bright with him around. He had been encouraging too in his own ways, telling you that being vulnerable was okay. You were okay.

The other two were a bit more harsh. Madam Bo had given you harsh lectures, but in a loving way. You could tell you had terrified her with your decline in health. Those days she had given you so much food you felt often full. You were happy though, her cooking really was the best. Eventually you had learned some cooking from her to pass the time.

You still had to learn how to perfect her recipes.

Bi-Han’s shadowing at first was easily the worst. Days that felt like were filled with tension, some days you felt like you could not breathe. Then, some other days it felt like you would rather be asleep with the rants he had given you, telling you on how you should have listened to him. Eventually, the frost around the situation melted, and the days went from tense and dreadful with him, to more comforting.

Eventually he became a person you learned the world through, as begrudging as it was, he answered your many questions. And when your questions ceased, the two of you could turn to occasional conversation, ones where you both were a little more open with each other, a bit more honest. Even the silences began to feel comforting.

Occasionally, Liu Kang would take over shadowing you. It wasn’t as common as the other four, but it happened often enough. At first, you were filled with guilt whenever you were around him. You had failed the fire god, but he had told you that you did no such thing.

“I have failed you, instead.”

It mystified you, but you chose not to question it. You weren’t certain what you’d do with the answers to the questions you had about that statement. You ended up developing most of your healthy habits with Liu Kang, falling into a simple routine. You ended up developing the habit of watching the sunrise with him during these times.

Days had blended into weeks, and weeks into months, and you slowly were allowed your responsibilities again. You had been allowed to train much earlier than your responsibilities so your body would not weaken, but the responsibilities felt much more significant.

Slowly, you were given room to breathe and develop your own routine. One that was…less rigorous, one that everyone agreed that was healthy and safe for you.

You guessed your inability to relax was still a remnant of the insatiable workaholic from back then. Your mind was filled once again with responsibilities, plans, and schedules. Training the champions, the tournament…so many big things to worry about.

You worried that you didn’t have time to do everything if you relaxed, and you knew how important these tasks that were ahead of you were.

It was almost instinct to dive into everything, try to take the burden of everyone and force it upon yourself.

You were really trying though, to relax. You couldn’t bear to see the concerned looks on their faces again.

“You know, you’re doing an awful job at taking a break.” Johnny pointed out as he pulled up next to you, snapping you out of your reverie. You watched with curiosity as he pulled out his phone. You had vague memories of technology from what you presumed to be your past life, but you haven’t really used it in this life.

“I’m just watching, is that so wrong?” You inquired, trying and failing to fend off the defensive side that tried to come out. You sent him a raised eyebrow, looking at him. He sent you the sassiest look, peering at you.

“No.” He said, shrugging as he returned his attention back to his phone. “But I can see that calculating look in your eye, teach.” Johnny said, tapping the side of his head with his two fingers. “You’re not just idly watching, you’re thinking. That’s the same look my directors get when they’re reviewing a scene, and trust me, that’s anything but relaxing.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. As much as others thought otherwise, Johnny Cage was smart and observant.

“Plus, when people usually say they’re taking a break they’re usually off doing their, like, hobbies or something.” Johnny continued, pausing for a moment before looking back at you. “You do have hobbies right?”

“I refuse to elaborate.” You said after a few moments of contemplation. You really couldn’t think of anything that was a hobby of yours. Sure, you liked to cook, but that wasn’t a hobby you found yourself doing all too often outside of meal times.

The only other thing you could think of that you did often was try and make sense of your memories. And that was something you could do for hours on end. But it was all too confusing, and it gave you a major headache. Aside from the fact that you didn’t exactly want to think of those memories right now, you had a feeling that also didn’t count as relaxing.

So your next best bet at doing something to relax was watching the students of the Wu Shi academy train.

Were you really that boring?

“You…don’t have hobbies?” Johnny asked, pulling a face that made you frown. “No wonder you’re struggling to relax.” He said, scratching the back of his neck. You had an urge to defend yourself, but you averted your eyes instead, knowing that trying to defend yourself was fruitless. You really didn’t have anything to defend yourself with in the first place.

“Living a life like mine leaves little time for hobbies.” You said, which was partially a lie. You had time, and lots of it before you were entrusted with training the four of them. So you certainly could have picked up some hobbies.

But you never knew what to do. There weren’t many people in the Fire Temple who had hobbies you could indulge in, and it wasn’t like you were too close with them either. And, oddly enough, you were a bit embarrassed to ask the Lin Kuei brothers for any ideas on hobbies.

Plus, it was annoying trekking through the snow just to ask for something small like that.

“Okay, so hobbies are out of the question, got it.” Johnny said, before humming and looking up, contemplating over things. “Don’t you have anything else to do, like reading, or watching movies?” He suggested.

“I’ve read all the books they have in the Fire Temple, they’re pretty boring and not worth a reread.” You said, sighing as you remembered the lack of interesting literature. You’ve thought about asking Liu Kang for the chance to get better reading material, but you didn’t want to sound…rude. “And I’ve never watched a movie.”

That wasn’t totally true, you’ve probably watched a movie in your past life, but you’ve never done that in this life.

“You’ve never…what?” Johnny Cage said, seeming to be caught off guard by the confession. You’ve never seen such a look on his face before, one that was both shocked and almost…offended? You supposed it only made sense that he out of everyone reacted this way. Acting was his lifeblood. “You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not.” You said, raising your hands up trying to show no offense. You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at the look Johnny was sending you. He was so,,,expressive. It was really entertaining. Is that why people liked watching him so much?

“We’ve got to right that wrong immediately.” Johnny said, a determined look on his face. He shoved his phone into his pocket. “We’re going to have a movie marathon. You get to relax and see a bunch of great movies, win-win.” The actor declared.

“A bunch of great movies, huh?” Kenshi said, approaching the two of you as he sheathed his sword. He looked between the two of you, sending a pointed look towards Johnny Cage. “I’m guessing you’re going to try and show our instructor a bunch of your movies, Cage?”

“You know it, tattoo.” Johnny confirmed with a self confident smirk. You nodded towards Kenshi, who acknowledged it back with a nod of his own. “Don’t look so prissy, you and the farmer boys are invited too if you want.” You glanced towards Kenshi, raising an eyebrow out of curiosity.

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Kenshi conceded, much to your surprise. “I get to help pick the movies, though. We’re not watching a marathon of the Ninja Priest movies, they’re all the same.” You watched as Johnny groaned, clearly disagreeing with the swordsman.

“Whatever, you just have bad taste.” The actor huffed, rolling his eyes. He took out a paper and pen from gods knew where, and tossed it towards Kenshi who sent him a puzzled look. “Go design whatever list you want, just know I’ll be blaming you if teach over here,” He gestured towards you, “thinks movies suck.” He stretched before pointing his thumb away from the courtyard. “Now I gotta bounce, gotta make arrangements to make this whole shebang work.” He turned towards you. “You go figure out how to relax, or whatever, meet here tomorrow night.”

And without much more explanation, the actor jogged off, leaving both you and Kenshi behind.

“What did I just get myself into?”

“I’m surprised you’ve never seen a movie.” Raiden commented after he and Kung Lao met you at the entrance of the Wu Shi academy. He and Kung Lao walked beside you as you traversed down the hall, dressed in more casual clothes as opposed to the uniforms they usually wore. With amusement, you noticed how they were not wearing the hats for once. The clothes they wore reminded you of the clothes they donned during the exams.

“In the Fire Temple, we don’t have much, if any, technology.” You explained, not elaborating much further. After all, it’d be hard to explain the whole ‘you might have watched one in a past life, but you barely remembered anything about it’ ordeal. “Johnny seemed very offended that I’ve never watched one, it was a sight to behold.”

“It makes sense, that is what he is known for.” Kung Lao pointed out, shrugging.

“Have either of you seen Johnny Cage’s works?” You inquired, looking between the Fengjian men. You were a bit surprised that they knew about movies, knowing that they both hailed from a simple village. Then again, you supposed you were being hasty in assuming their area was as technology deprived as the Fire Temple was.

“A few.” Kung Lao answered, thinking a bit before grinning. “Their techniques were totally wrong, but they sure do know how to make something entertaining.” He admitted before cockily laughing and pressing a hand to his chest. “Of course, I think if I were there to help them, they would be much better.”

“I saw a few as well.” Raiden piped up, smiling towards you. “They were flashy, and like Kung Lao said, very inaccurate, but I actually enjoyed watching them.” He put on a thoughtful look. “I think you’ll like them too, as long as you look past the technicalities.”

“I hope so too.” You said, humming. “Otherwise this would be a rather bad introduction to movies.” You joked, knowing that you could probably look past the most egregious techniques. All you wanted was a chance to relax, and you hoped to the gods that this was going to work.

“Fret not, teach, I made sure to look through Ken-bro’s list.” Johnny said as he turned the corner, a grand grin on his face. “He chose a few decent ones, but I made sure to add the best of my works in there too.” In his arms he held a large of what you believed to be popcorn. You inhaled, and you felt a bit nostalgic for a reason you weren’t quite sure.

“I tried to keep the list decent, so don’t blame me if Cage ruined it.” Kenshi quipped as he also rounded the corner, holding another big bowl of popcorn. You looked between them, noting how this was the first time you’ve seen both Johnny and Kenshi were something more casual. It wasn’t too bad of a look.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” You said, grinning as you crossed your arms. The actor led all of you to a room you knew had not been previously used much. “You’ve all brought up my expectations, are films really that good?”

“Oh trust me, films can get good, especially action films I’ve been in.” Johnny cackled, and you stifled a laugh as you noticed how the group had all collectively rolled their eyes. He opened the door for you all. You marveled at the projector that had been set up, along with a basic couch that seemed big enough for you all to lounge on, more or less. “Hollywood magic will astound you, trust me.”

“I’m already astounded by all of this.” You admit, walking over to the projector. Seeing technology sent a wave of nostalgia through you, and you smiled. Something about this all brought a hazy vision of you and Johnny sitting in a room doing something similar to this, but there had been four other younger people with you instead.

How odd.

“Where did you get all of this?” Raiden asked, looking at the set up of the room. “I don’t think the monks normally have any of this stuff,” He observed as he made his way to the couch. “Well, maybe the couch makes sense.” He said, before sitting on it carefully.

“It’s a secret, my friend.” The actor replied, and you all sent him a look. He groaned and sighed. “You’re all no fun. I asked the big boss, Lord Liu Kang.” He said, shrugging as he also took his place on the couch, on the other end of the couch. “I explained how our instructor was struggling to relax and how I pitched a movie night to you. He seemed pleased by the idea, and was willing to give me all of this stuff.”

You were surprised. Liu Kang was the one who helped Johnny out? The idea of it made you feel warm.

“Lord Liu Kang did all of this?” Kung Lao echoed your thoughts, nodding slowly as he looked around. He put on a face that told you he seemed to approve, and plopped down right next to Raiden. You found yourself not knowing where to sit, before Kenshi stepped beside you and tilted his head to indicate the spot where you should go.

Right between where he would go and Johnny Cage.

You supposed that wasn’t too bad.

Taking the advice, you walked over to the spot he suggested and sat yourself carefully, making sure to leave room for Kenshi, while making sure you didn’t intrude on Johnny’s.

“Popcorn?” Johnny offered, holding the bowl out to you. As he did so, you noticed as he turned on the movie, it starting the movie which seemed to be labeled “Ninja Mime”. Shrugging, you took a small handful, popping the food into your mouth.

This was going to be interesting, wasn’t it?

“Wow, that was…amazing.”

“See! I told you, Hollywood magic.” Johnny Cage said, a satisfied smirk on his lips as he looked over to you. You rolled your eyes but nodded, conceding to the fact that you had honestly enjoyed seeing the film. It was goofy, wacky, and just the thing you needed.

“If you think that’s good, you should watch other types of movies.” Kung Lao piped up, before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He had stolen the bowl from Kenshi shortly after the movie started, taking most of the buttery goodness for himself. You watched with silent amusement as Raiden sneakily stole a handful. “Comedies, romances, there’s more than just Johnny’s actions.”

“Why would anyone need to watch anything but my movies?” Johnny bragged, earning silence and stares from the group, mostly from Kenshi. He rolled his eyes. “Whatever, but other types of movies are for another night.” He said, waving off the silent complaints.

“We’ll have another night?” You inquired, peering at the actor with a curious look. He grinned and shrugged.

“As long as you let us, teach.” The American said, before gesturing to the projector. “First, we gotta go through the list we made first.” You watched as Johnny got up to set up the next movie. Kenshi leaned over, looking at you with a small smile.

“The next movie is going to be better, trust me.” The swordsman told you, a slight tone of playfulness in his voice. “I made sure to also introduce you to some of Cage’s better works.” You raised an eyebrow, surprised at the fact that the man was even a fan of Johnny’s works in the first place.

“I’ll be sure to hold my expectations high then.” You replied back. sending the man a small smile as you took yet another handful of popcorn. It was almost addicting to eat alongside the movie. “How many movies are we watching?” You asked, suddenly aware of the time that had passed as you spied the clock that hung on the wall.

An hour and a half passed? That movie felt like mere minutes!

“I believe we’re watching two more, including the next one.” Raiden informed you, leaning forward to look at you. “Johnny wanted to do a bigger marathon, but Kenshi and I advocated that we only do three since you haven’t watched many and we weren’t sure if you would like them all.”

“Next time, let Raiden and I pick some movies, too.” Kung Lao also mentioned, looking back to the actor who had just finished swapping the movies.

“As long as your choices don’t suck.” Johnny said before plopping down next to you. He spread out, his thigh touching yours, but you didn’t quite mind. “Alright, buckle up, time to start the next one.”

That night was the first time in a long time you remembered drifting off to sleep on accident.

You felt something shift, and you were pulled out of the arms of sleep. Yawning, you covered your mouth as you looked around. The projector was running the last bits of a movie you had no recollection of. You blinked as you also registered how you were leaning on someone.

Looking up, you were surprised to see Kenshi sleeping peacefully, allowing you to have rest on him. Or had he fallen asleep first? Your memory was hazy. Either way, you felt oddly embarrassed that you had fallen asleep during the event the men had created for you, but also grateful they had let you rest. You leaned forward, and you saw Kung Lao and Raiden who had also fallen asleep.

Oddly enough, Johnny was nowhere to be seen.

Carefully moving so you did not disturb the sleeping men, you stood up, trying to catch your bearings. You looked up, noting the clock you had seen earlier.

It was an hour before sunrise.

You stretched, letting out another yawn before you looked around once more. The popcorn bowls were gone, and the room seemed generally clean. You walked towards the door of the room, before it swung open to reveal Johnny Cage.

In his arms were blankets and some pillows. You blinked in surprise, and so did he before he let out a small chuckle.

“Finally woke up?” He asked, a slight teasing tone in his voice. “You know, you fell asleep during the best one.”

“Ah, I’m sorry.” You apologized, crossing your arms as you tried to cover up your embarrassment. It was odd, this type of thing never happened. It was weird to have slept so easily, and on accident. “I usually don’t fall asleep that easily, it’s odd.”

“Nah, I’m just kidding. You actually stayed up to watch all of the movies we had planned, then you knocked out.” The actor informed you as he walked over to set down the blankets on the couch. “We just decided to make a bet of who could stay up the longest, and I won.” The man bragged smugly, “I was just getting some blankets and pillows for you, actually.” He explained, gesturing to the items he brought. “But judging how you’re awake now, you don’t need them.”

“I thank you for the pillows and blankets, but you’re right, I don’t need them now.” You said, chuckling. “I’ll be going back to the Fire Temple.” You informed him. You gestured to the others. “What about them?”

“Eh, I’ll just wake them up and send them back to their rooms.” Johnny said, shrugging. “So, what’d you think of movies? Still amazing, right?” He asked, confidence dripping from his tone. And while you were tempted to lie to knock down his ego, you knew better than that.

“They were all lovely.” You admitted, and paused for a few moments, staring at the projection as the credits scrolled by. “Thank you, Johnny. I really needed this.” You told him, a tone of sincerity in your voice. You were really grateful. “It was fun.”

“Anytime, wildstyle.” The actor brushed off your thanks with a wide grin. You raised an eyebrow at the new nickname, thinking it was probably linked to your shapeshifting powers. He had such an interesting imagination. “Just remember this when I talk to you next time about acting, yeah?”

“I will.” You promised. You looked back at the sleeping men for another moment, taking note to thank them for also helping to make this wonderful night happen next time you saw them. “Goodnight, Johnny.” You said as you exited the room, and you heard with simple satisfaction as Johnny bid you goodnight too.

Obnoxious as the actor could be sometimes, he had an honest heart. You understood a bit more why Johnny was chosen to be a champion. You’d have to repay his kindness.

The air was crisp and cool, and as you made your way to the Fire Temple, you could not help but think back to the movies you had seen. What entertaining bits of work! You chuckled to yourself as you mentally commended Johnny on his acting too.

You’d never let him know that you actually thought he was an excellent actor, though.

As you crossed the bridge to the Fire Temple, you blinked in surprise as you saw Liu Kang idly waiting by, seeming to have expected you. You walked towards him, a bit uncertain whether he needed you urgently or not.

“How was your movie night?” The fire god asked, after greeting you with your name. You smiled. Ah, he was just curious about how it went. You went on to ramble about the movies you had seen, talking for a while about them and your newfound fascination with them. Liu Kang listened diligently, a warm smile on his face as he nodded and acknowledged your words. “I’m glad to hear it went well.”

Liu Kang was a good listener.

“Yeah, I think I really needed it.” You admitted, looking up to the sky which was losing its dark color, the beginnings of the sunrise appearing. You two stayed there in silence, basking in the comfortable atmosphere. “Thank you, by the way. I heard from Johnny that you helped get everything for him.”

“It’s no issue.” The protector of Earthrealm told you warmly, looking at you with fondness. “I would do anything for you.”

The way Liu Kang said those words, there felt like there was a hint of something else within his words that made you feel warm, much like the fire he wielded.

“Thank you.” You said, not knowing how to follow up his heartfelt words. You looked up to the sky for a few more moments, before sighing. You felt oddly tired. “I’m going to go and sleep in today, I think.” You told the god, who simply nodded in return. He seemed to approve of your decision, if the smile on his face indicated anything. “Goodnight, Liu Kang.”

“Goodnight. Sleep well.”

part seven

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impishcupid · 11 days

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things i didn’t know before starting T- A master post of my own experiences that I didn’t see anywhere else! They might have been out there, I just didn’t see em

1. Bitch U Stank

Your smells not only get stronger, they change. I was a stinky boy during first puberty, but I’ll admit I’m not as stinky in second puberty. That being said, the smells are ABSOLUTELY different. My BO used to smell like weed mixed with onions, now I couldn’t even begin to tell u the smell I got goin on. It IS much easier to control with deodorant this time tho!

That being said, your genitals will also change in smell. Mine began to smell more semen-like (despite using condoms while having sex), as well my feet began smelling different too. This is normal!

2. Hypersexuals be aware, not beware!

Pre-T, I was SUPER hypersexual. Genuinely one of my worries was that I was going to be too horny all the time after T, because it was a problem pre-T. This is both true and false, and if you have an understanding going into it, you’ll be able to have a smoother ride then I did! (Giggity)

I’ve noticed my sexuality follows a solid week-long pattern now. Two to three days after I do my shot, thats when the Dirty Thoughts start a-comin and so do I. The first couple months, however, admittedly sex drive was much higher, but otherwise fairly consistent and manageable. Once you get through the first 6 months, it all evens itself out! Those months, however, are still manageable, believe it or not! You’ll find yourself exploring things you didn’t think you’d be into before, or maybe casually thinking about sex more often, but in my experience it’s not as bad as people make it out to be.

3. Bitch ur DICK

For some reason it never crossed my mind that when I grew my own chia pet penis, I would be uncircumcised. This means that once you have some growth to your dick, you’re going to have to clean it. Gently pull back your hood and get a cleanin’, but don’t make my mistakes! I’ve found a damp piece of toilet paper is the easiest thing to use so far, despite it taking a bit longer.

DO NOT USE Q TIPS THAT SHIT HURTS SO BAD.

you’ll notice that your clitoris has taken a more penile shape, which is fantastic! But if your dick is anything like mine, right under the head you’ll have this bright red little line which is basically the seam connecting the head to the shaft. Proceed with caution here! Our penises are far more sensitive then a cis mans, and this is the area where it shows. This area is typically protected by the hood and head of your dick, so it would make sense to be unbelievably sensitive!

4. Is it covid, or am I becoming a man?

When your voice starts to deepen, and the cracks start coming, you might notice you have a sore throat. This is normal! None of the cis men around me let me know that “hey, yeah your throat is gonna be sore” until I was about 3 covid tests deep and about to go to the doctor. I recommend some tea and honey, or straight up honey, OR whatever your go-to sore throat remedy is!

Additionally on voice, you will still have to train yourself to talk in your new deep voice. Your average day-to-day voice WILL deepen, and you’ll hear from everyone who hasn’t seen you in 3-6 months “omg your voice is so deep now!” (/pos), but if you’re out in public and wondering why people are struggling to correctly assume you’re a man, it might be because you aren’t using your voice as deep as it goes!

(As well, you get a back-up “extra bass” voice, which is FANTASTIC for when people scream at you from a moving vehicle.)

5. Wait, when did my dad grow a beard?

Seeing as both my mom and my dad can grow beards, I figured i’d be smooth sailing and growing a beard rather quickly. Now, almost a year in, I still have one mustache hair named Phil with some darker upper lip, but no facial hair! If you have the access, reach out to your parents or whomever may have this information to get an estimate of what age your father or grandfather started growing facial hair. Turns out my dad couldn’t grow his king luxurious beard until 18!

6. what does it feel like?

do you have medical anxiety? Have you greened out too many times or been on one too many bad trips? Worried that you’ll take testorone and feel some kind of body or mind altering effect? I’ve been there brother!! When you administer your dose, you feel nothing but the needle or gel. I was worried i’d feel wonky in the head, or that it would give me some other effect. The only time I have ever felt a change directly after injections, is when I was late on my dose. Being late on a dose can make you feel depressed, tired, or the time I had a headache for 3 days straight, but about 5-10 minutes after injection I felt my energy bump back up to normal, or i finally had some goddamn peace from that headache, but that’s it! There is nothing to worry about!

And that’s the things I didn’t know going into being on T! I only covered things here that I didn’t see in other “going on T” master lists, so if you’re wondering why the common stuff isn’t here, that’s why! This is absolutely open to other trans men or transmascs to share their experiences on T that they didn’t know going in, and please reblog so pre-T transmascs/trans men can be informed!

Happy trails, brothers!

#trans #transmasc #ftm #testorone #hrt #hormones #hormone replacement therapy #trans boy #transgender #trans man #lgbt #pride

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ornii · 2 years

Text

My Better Bitter Half

Wednesday Addams X Twin Brother Reader x Enid Sinclair

Summary: Wednesday has been transferred to Nevermore, luckily Someone there already knows much about her, her twin brother. While you two may be twins you couldn’t be any more alike, after hearing your Sister is coming to Nevermore, you get much more than you bargained for.

Note: hi, this is Ornii, so for my own Canon I decided to Name Wednesdays twin “Vlad”, based off of Vlad the imapiler, who then inspired Dracula. Who’s full name is Vlad Dracul. Anyway into the story,

“Yes Mother I understand..” (Y/n) says calmly as he dresses himself. Standing before a long mirror inside his dorm room. Nevermore was his Home for the past year due to his, oddly charming and dark abilities, as he stands and oozes at his own charm he hears the voice of his mother from a crystal ball.

“Good my little Hell hound, I understand that it will be a bit different with your sister there. Please try and help her adjust to it. You know how, ferocious, she can be. Be patient with her.”

“Unfortunately I was not blessed with the patience you have. But I will, try.” You say, you hear a pleased him from mother and she ends the communication. As you exited your room for the first time today you immediately head to the entrance of Nevermore. Walking past students who give you glares or winks your train of thought you as quickly halted by a voice calling your name. You halt and turn to Enid approaching and slipping over, like an obedient pet.

“Good Moorning!~” she says in a very sing-song voice, you give her a smile on response.

“Good morning to you as Well Miss Sinclair, I suppose you have some gossip to share?”

“Well I’m not all gossip.”

“I doubt that—“

“But, I did get something so cool! A roomie!” She says, (Y/n)’s already slightly pale skin lost a bit more color. If his estimation was correct, his Bubbly, loving best friend is going to room with his literal Nightmare of a sister.

“Poor child.” You say.

“What?” She asks, confused.

“Nothing!” You say smirking, “I hope you enjoy yourself.” You say before leaving, as you enter the main driveway to Nevermore a long black vehicle pulls up and he watches with a devious smirk. The vehicles front door opens up and Lurch steps out. If Frankenstein wasn’t some Myth, that’d be Lurch. Tall, dead looking with a flat head. He Leers over and walks to the back, he opens the door and two step out, Mother and Father. Their gaze goes from the beautiful Nevermore to their Devilish son.

“There is my Hell hound.” Morticia says to (Y/n) who gladly accepts the hug from his mother.

“How does Nevermore fare against our Devil?” Gomez asks and (Y/n) just grins.

“It Never had a Chance, i learn from the best.” He says to them both, he looks past them.

“Is She here?” He asks, Lurch drags her belongings along and she steps out, a almost perfect copy of you, just much more feminine. Long black pigtails compared to your short black Quiff haircut. Wednesday never smiles but your devilish Grin could never leave your face sometimes. You walk over to her, and you both stop close to each other, you notice that you’re a few inches taller, as she has to “Look up” to you.

“Brother.” She Said with that cold attitude, you smirk at this.

“Hello To you too, Dear Sister.” You say, planting your hand on her shoulder. You feel her cold stare of disapproval.

“You know how I feel about contact.”

“I know, that’s why I’m doing it, you despise it.” You say with a laugh, You relent and hug her. You feel her tense up.

“You have three seconds before you lose your arms.” She says and you again let go.

“That’s the sharp tongue I know so well.” You say and motion for her to follow him.

“So, seems Mother and Father have finally shipped you off. What did you do this time?”

“A group of Mouth breathers were bullying Pugsley. The only person who gets to torture my brothers—“

“Will always be you.” You reply, and ask. “So, what’s the damage.”

“A boy lost a testicle.” She says, you half in her footsteps and turn to her.

“I tossed Piranhas into a pool, the rest is up to your imagination.” She says, you stare at her for a second and grin.

“So. You failed to get the job done? I would have poured Red-Bellied, they’re the most dangerous.” You say. As much as Wednesday hated most people, you were the one she hates the least. A small smile creeps along her face hearing your praise of her work. The family enter the principals office and begin conversation.

“Wednesday is certainly a unique name. I'm guessing it was the day you were born?” The Principal of the School Weems asks. (Y/n) and Wednesday sat next to each other, with Gomez and Morticia on opposite sides.

“We were born on Friday the 13th.” (Y/n) says, “from what I was told, Sparks were flying, rain was pouring, a beautiful sight. Unfortunately Wednesday was too busy trying to strangle me in the Womb for it to be absolutely perfect.” You say, you can feel her Ice cold glare hit your neck.

“Her name comes from a line from my favorite nursery rhyme, "Wednesday's child is full of woe." Morticia explains, “and (Y/n)’s comes from a famous ruler in history.” Morticia explains.

“You always had a unique perspective on the world, Morticia. Did your mother tell you we were roommates back in the day?” Weems says.

“And you graduated with your sanity intact impressive.” Wednesday responds coldly, weems was a bit taken aback by her Wit. She ignores this and keeps going.

“You've certainly had a very interesting educational journey. Eight schools in five years.” Weems says.

“They haven't built one strong enough to hold me.” Wednesday said. “I bet this place won't be any different.”

“What our daughter is trying to say is that she greatly appreciates the opportunity.”

“She’s a Modern day Hannibal Lecter. You know without the eating people, isn’t she just lovely?” You say grinning.

“Nevermore doesn't usually accept students mid-term, but given Wednesday's perfect grades and your family's long history with the school, I've spoken with the board and we've made an exception.”

“Isn’t that great?” You say smiling.

“Larissa, what about Wednesday's, um... therapy sessions?” Morticia said.

“The court ordered them. The school has a relationship with a therapist in Jericho. She can meet twice a week.”

“Did you hear that, my little storm cloud? You're in excellent hands.” Gomez says, and (Y/n) raises an eyebrow.

“She’s going to eat that therapist alive..” You said,

“I've assigned you to your mother's old dorm. Ophelia Hall.”

“Refresh my memory. Ophelia's the one who kills herself after being driven mad by her family, correct?” Wednesday said, and Weems might be in over her head.

“Should we go meet your new roommate?” Weems says, and they all leave, a look of worry was actually on You, fearing just what Wednesday might do to Enid. She skips over as the door opens and Enid sees (Y/n) and Wednesday.

“Howdy, roomie!” She says with such a cutesy adorable attitude.,

“Wednesday, this is Enid Sinclair.” You say.

“Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale.” Enid said worried.

“Wednesday always looks half-dead she was like this for our childhood.” You explain, and Enid looks confused.

“Our childhood?” She asks, you stand next to Wednesday.

“You don’t notice the resemblance?” You say, “Here let me.” You quickly stop smiling and perfectly mimic Wednesdays deadpanned face. They look perfectly identical and she sees the Addams Twins in full force.

“Oh. M. G! You’re his sister! You look so similar! It’s like looking in a mirror! Welcome to Ophelia Hall!” Enid reaches out for a hug and (Y/n) quickly shakes his head no.

“Not a hugger. Got it.” Enid says taking a step back.

“Please excuse My Sister, She's allergic to color.” You explain.

“Oh wow, What happens to you?” Enid asks, fearful of the answer.

“I break out into hives and then the flesh peels off my bones.”

“I used to throw colorful fruit at her.” You say with a smile. Weems interrupts and gives a stern smileS

“(Y/n), Enid, please take Wednesday to the registrar's office to pick it up along with her schedule, and give her a tour along the way.”

Note: I’ve always found the idea of Wednesday’ having a twin more fascinating due to her very antisocial behavior and personality, and I think they play off of each other so well, the insecurities and inferiority complexes these two ooze out is just, awesome. I want to do some incorrect quotes with them if people would enjoy those. The fencing fight would be very interesting as well.

#netflix #male reader #reader insert #wedensday x you #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams x male reader #enid Sinclair #Enid Sinclair x Male Reader #brother #siblings

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