#non same aro

[just-aro]

Hi! I was wondering what the difference was between a non split attraction aromantic and then a unit aromantic?

Because they’re different things but I don’t really understand how different if that makes sense?

hi! historically speaking, unit aro was designed to be a different term for the same experience as non-sam aro. the thought was that, as aromanticism explicitly refers to a form of attraction under the non-sam model, the term was self-contradicting, and it would be nice to have a different term. there were a lot of proposed terms, including unit aro. (two links)

unit aro was defined to describe the idea of experiencing attraction as a "unit", and that unit being "aromantic". prime aro was defined as aromanticism being the "primary" lens/identity through which you experience your identity. arch aro was that aromanticism was your "overarching" identity.

ultimately, the differences are... largely linguistic, but each does have a slightly different feeling to it. our system hadn't realized we were plural yet when this discussion was happening, and had a big problem with unit aro that we couldn't articulate then that was probably because of our plurality. we mostly just call ourselves aro, and in some circles may elaborate as per individual preferences (ie, phoenix identifies as gay and aro, alexander as just aro, myself as aroqueer).

we broadly don't expand on our identity beyond being aro in spaces that aren't solely aromantic, because being aromantic is the most important part of our experience in orientation. we vibe more with the concept of prime aro, but can't stand the shortening being primaro tbh, and honestly... just don't care.

-- axel

[heartless-aro]

I see a lot of people in the aroace community on here talk about how we should have a pride gradient aroace tag, but I rarely see people bring up the possibility of other aspec pride gradient tags for identities of similar levels of specificity to aroace, like alloaro or alloace. As much as I would love to have an aroace colored tag, I think we’re setting our sights too low here.

[roses-are-repulsed]

You can be repulsed by QPRs btw. That's a valid form of repulsion. it doesn't matter if it's "not sexual or romantic tho!!!" because repulsion doesn't start and stop at only romance and sex.

Not every aspec has to like the idea of being in a QPR. being repulsed by QPRs is not an anti-QPR stance. it's just a kind of relationship that people can have a multitude of feelings on like any other.

[anistarrose]

"sex and love are what make us human" well luckily for your pathetically limited worldview, i don't actually mind roleplaying as an elf. fetch me my ancient and gnarled magical staff, boy

[lambfromfield]

i get it jayvik should've kissed this and that but this is a win specifically for me, aro, #1 believer in "so devoted that the lines blur"

[aro-who-reads]

Aro book review: The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen

Not at all about being aro, but a non-fiction book on platonic relationships/partnerships that I think might interest a number of aros.

Each chapter focuses around a different pair of friends the author has interviewed who feel their friendship is closer than societally expected, with some history and other analysis thrown in. These stories about real people were probably the strongest part of the book, even if they weren't all particularly relatable people.

I definitely didn't agree with everything put forward in the book and how it was all framed, but I did get a lot out of reading it and it helped me understand some of my own views better. It conflates sex and romance quite a lot, often implying sex is the difference between romance and platonic relationships.

There is no exploration (or even mention?) of any kind of close, sexual, but non-romantic relationship. Qprs get a brief explanation, and aro people get one mention at the start. I guess I just felt like talking to some aro people could have really enriched this book.

[aro-culture-is]

trans aro culture is telling your best friend without a hint of irony "when i change my name legally i'm taking your last name because my family sucks. you're stuck with me now" and them joking that since both of you were planning on platonically getting married to someone to adopt kids anyway you might as well just marry each other

.

[read-write-thrive]

platonic and romantic are not some sort of binary that relationships have to be divided into. they’re not even two ends of a linear spectrum. they’re fully just abstract concepts made up of culturally-dependant social behaviour and expectations that are continually forced upon people to reinforce religious, legal, and broader societal/cultural norms, often and repeatedly to the detriment of non-normative groups including, but not limited to, the queer community. and I am sick and tired of those norms being replicated in fucking fandom discourse, of all places

[transneutrallaw]

Said it before and I'll say it again but instance on the hardcore splitting of aromantic & asexual does so much harm to people who’re both. Those who don’t experience any attraction whether they Identify specifically as aroace or just ace or aro are often left in the dust and treated like ignorant interlopers or "bad stereotypes" for daring to express ourselves.

It’s even more frustrating when people in the “community” pretend to be accepting of aroaces/non SAM Aces/aros…except not really because they’re quick to say how our identities/existence is “harmful/conflating/a stereotype”

Crazy that aroaces were here first we built the communities that seek discard us! In the early days Asexual was originally just used for people who didn’t experience sexual AND romantic attraction, it got adjusted to include alloaces. The aromantic lable only exists BECAUSE of aroaces creating a separation from alloaces.

I’m not particularly angry or upset that ace/aro are inclusive of a wider range of experiences, it’s just so fvcked how the very people who built up both communities are treated like trash, worthless embarrassing leeches that make the alloaces & alloaros look bad. Ffs there wouldn't even be a community to shunt people out of if it wasn’t for “aroaces”. But y'all aren't ready for that conversation.

And before y'all start, yes aro and ace are different but honestly if you're both no they really aren't. Tbh alloaces & alloaros, the only reason some of you insist they are just so completely different and have nothing to do with eachother is because you aren't both and you don't understand other ace/aro experiences and latch on hard/overemphasise your allo orientations. Because imagine how crazy it'll sound if people started insisting that "Bisexual" & "biromantic" are totally different and have absolutely no crossover or overlap whatsoever...you see how insane that would sound.

[cosmicredcadet]

I kinda wish people would stop saying "we all need more rep" when someone mentions how they want to see rep of their identity in media.

Many of my own posts expressing the want for non-partnering or repulsed rep usually get met with "we need more kinds of aspec rep in general" and it just feels so backhanded? If that makes sense?

Like "oh YOU want rep? Okay but EVERYONE ELSE should get rep too! We ALL need rep." It just feels that it is being purposefully ignorant to the point of the posts and brushing off the issue because they personally can't relate to the rep being asked for.

No one is saying that we should ONLY have x kind of rep. No one is saying the other identities get more. So why put such an addition onto a post asking for rep? Not every post has to include every identity ever in it. Posts don't only have to be advocating for everyone or no one.

[ugly-anarchist]

Ace-centric aspecs will literally call alloaros "violently aphobic" for politely asking to be included and to stop pretending like we don't exist

Who cares that I constantly get kicked out of aspec spaces for being alloaro and talking about my sexuality

Who cares that I have people in real life constantly be like "you're ace right?" When I've mentioned being aro before

Who cares that other aspecs tell me that I'm invading their spaces

Who cares that other aspecs throw me under the bus as an argument against exclusionists

Who cares that 90% of alloaros don't know they're alloaro because they either don't know what aro is or assume they have to be ace to be aro

Who cares that aces constantly derail every single non-ace aspec post to make it all about them and erase every single trace of alloaros

Who cares that people specifically want me to be ace because having sexual attraction without romantic attraction is disgusting and shameful and it makes them more comfortable if I lack attraction completely

Who cares that every single aromantic character in media is immediately assumed to be aroace and my representation is seen as "lesser" and unimportant compared to asexual representation

Who cares that the aro flag is constantly left out of pride merch lineups because either people don't know what it is or assume the ace flag is enough

Who cares, right? Who cares that I don't feel safe in either the aspec or the allox2 queer communities?

You can't separate aro and ace so clearly that means you get to tell me I'm aphobic for saying that I don't want to be called aroace.

Fuck me, right? Clearly it's a lot to ask that people just make an effort to include non-ace aros in aro posts that apply to us. Clearly it's too much to ask that non-ace aros just don't fucking derail OUR explicitly alloaro posts to make it about them, right?

Clearly alloaros are the aphobic ones for asking the most represented part of the community to stop actively silencing us.

I'm just a violent aphobe who's disgusted by the mere existence of aroaces.

No no no. Aroace are the victims because I *checks notes* asked them not to contribute to my oppression.

[heartless-aro]

Instead of celebrating things that include the aromantic, asexual, and aroace flags/communities as “including the whole set,” we need to start asking why alloaros and non-SAM aros are not explicitly included where aroaces are.

[starswallowingsea]

Why do I have to use the split attraction model. I don't need or want to describe my sexual orientation personally because I don't give a shit and outside of aspec spaces almost nobody else uses it. I'm aro that's all you need to know.

[princsstwilightsparkl]

saying "if aroace people can date, then can lesbians date men?" is absolutely aphobic narrative btw!

[aiizaph]

Folks, it is once again doomed lustful gay t4t aro4aro angstful yearning hours again.

[bitegore]

When i say i want to hang out with weirdos I do not mean "I want to hang with gay people and that's my marker for whether or not someone is weird." I'm not saying "weird" and meaning "vaguely aro" or "polyam" or "nonbinary" or whatever. Those are not personality traits. They tell you nothing about what that person is like. If i say I need more weird people in my social circle I'm talking about people who are weird. People who aren't like, going with the grain of any community based on literally anything. I have standards for this. I'm looking for like. People who won't blink if I say i only ever enter my house through the window or when I talk about drinking gasoline and then do it and they see I'm not joking, or people who won't think anything huge of me cracking the top of an eggshell and drinking the whole thing from the top in one mouthful. Or if they do, they do enough same-vein shit that it doesn't faze them. These are not really the same as being part of a very broad group of people who happen to have an exogender or whatever. I have met some incredibly normal (derogatory) trans people and gay people and aro people and nonbinary people. When i say weird I mean weird.