#not a mechanical one. love how he sat there being a little sh*t and somehow flirting at the same time and Vikram was like 'hey

[theinfinitedivides]

why are you as a man looking at another man like that

[red-riot-rat]

ＲＥＱＵＥＳＴ：I’m not sure if you write about this but may I request headcanons for tsuyu, jiro, and toga reacting to their s/os self harm scars? if that’s an uncomfortable subject can you do headcanons for them with an s/o who has depression? 

HEY HEY! I do write about this! so dont worry babes!

Ｇｅｎｒｅ：HEADCANONS

𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘴: THEY/THEM

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: SH scars, 

AN: 

-

-

【Ｔｓｕｙｕ　Ａｓｕｉ】

You had been swimming with her in the pool with a few other classmates when she noticed.

She didn't say anything, knowing that she may be blunt and honest but there are things that deserve privacy.

Now she didn't say anything but being the clueless babe he is, Denki almost said something.

Tsuyu watched his eyes study the scars, he didn't know what they were so he wanted to ask.

Your girlfriend slapped her hand over his mouth before any words slipped out, and smiled at you, her tongue sticking out slightly.

“Kero.” Was the only thing she said.

You smiled and turned around to some other classmates and began to splash water on them.

Tsuyu kept everything normal for your sake, and didn't say anything until you and her got back to your dorm.

You sat on your bed in a big t-shirt and shorts cuddling with her when she brought it up as calmly as possible.

She sat up and faced you sitting criss cross.

The way that she looked at you kinda gave you the signal that she knew, but she told you

“We don't have to talk about it. Don't make yourself uncomfortable for me, ribbit.”

You tell her about it, what had happened that led up to that.

She understands that it's a coping mechanism, it's not a good one but she understands it.

You tell her that you're sorry for not telling her sooner and you understand if she's angry with you for not telling her, etc. but she stops you.

“I’m not angry, there's no reason to be angry at you, ribbit.” 

She smiled at you as tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

You start to apologize again, and the tears start to stream down her face.

“Don't apologize. I don't expect you to tell me everything, even if we are dating, kero.” 

She was never big on physical affection, but she squeezed your hands and pushed her forehead onto yours.

“I’ll always be here if you need anything, and I’m very proud of you.”

Don't worry about telling her.

She doesn't care that you have them, she won't talk about them if you don't desire too.

She's proud of you for overcoming that, because she knows it's hard.

But she loves you, and throughout everything

She’ll be here.

-

【Ｊｉｒō　Ｋｙōｋａ】

You guys were just vibing in her room and you had a t-shirt on, just a normal one

And you had a sweatshirt on over it

You had came over to her room to hear her new song, and watch her play guitar

To serenade you…

You were clapping, cheering for her 

Showering her in compliments when she finished her song

She sat down on the bed next to you and beamed

She told you where the song's idea came from, how long it took her to write the lyrics, everything.

You had been smiling at her the whole time, you did feel happy because ya love her

You had been taking off your sweatshirt when she noticed

She had stopped talking, her hands stopped moving when they reached yours.

She grasped your hands in hers and smiled at you

You looked at her, confused for a moment

Before you realized what had happened.

You weren’t really hiding them, you weren't particularly showing them off either

You had always been aware on how visible they were, but sometimes you didn't mind

She looked sad, not because you had them 

But because she wished she could’ve been here to help you through it

“I love you, did you know that?” she whispered as she pulled you close

She won’t ever be angry if you come to her for stuff like this, she just wants to be able to stand by your side and help you the best she can.

-

【Ｈｉｍｉｋｏ　Ｔｏｇａ】

It was just getting hot, you had changed into shorts and a big sweatshirt,

Showing your legs for the first time in a while

Himiko smiled at you when you walked out of your room and complimented you

You always look cute to her

You sit next to her

You laugh and talk with her for what seems like forever, 

And you dont mind

Everything is normal

After a while you guys go sit on the roof to have a little bit of fresh air,

She lays her head in your lap and shows her fangs off to you as you smile

“Hey.” her smile never falters

“You dont have to be ashamed of scars, did ya know? I think they just make you look handsome/pretty.” 

If she could have heart eyes right now, she would be having heart eyes right now

“You dont have to hide ‘em, I’ll love ya no matter what.”

Cue the cuddling session you have on the rooftop of the leagues hideout.

[gingit-cake]

Therapeutic Gallavich

I’ve been wanting to write a tribute post to the Gallavich universe as a free source of therapy during the pandemic. I’m somewhat tongue in cheek here, but in a country (USA) where we have too little mental health support and too much stigma about mental health, diving into the Gallavich fandom and binging Shameless over the past 6m has been a really comforting coping mechanism for me. There is so much grief and loss in the world, so many ways our government and - for many people - our peers have failed us, that the fictional world of Ian and Mickey has been a wonderful source of comfort, in a lot of ways. It’s a retreat from the IRL shitshow. It’s got endless permutations of happy endings, to give us that serotonin boost and vicarious thrill. And given Mickey and Ian’s respective struggles - homophobic and sexual abuse, mental illness, neglect, parental death, incarceration, etc. - there are also countless fanfics that include therapy, recovery, and informal paths towards healing from past trauma. I’ve never related to a show so personally as I have Shameless, and binging it during the pandemic - when social isolation leaves way too much time for rumination, compounded by being at midlife and the reflection that triggers - it basically ripped open my heart and dredged up long buried stuff I’m finally willing to address. My husband and I watched the S7 finale on New Year’s Day, and let’s just say 2021 has been an emotional retcon of my life since. (I’m learning all the creative, literary terms.)  (And don’t worry, strangers on the internet, I am fortunate to have a therapist and the insurance to pay for it. I wish we all had this.)

There’s been a few fanfics I explicitly want to give a shoutout too as ones featuring therapy or recovery or conversations that have stayed with me in a meaningful way.  Excerpts, tributes, and links below the jump. Possible spoilers for Enemy Lines, Someone to Hold Me Up, Buy and By, and Etherized Against the Sky.

Enemy Lines, by J_Q and stars_fall_on - Ian has a therapist Dr. Lancaster, who introduces him to the concept of rumination:

“He felt a tightening in his chest. Did he even want to let go of Mickey? If not, what the hell was he still holding onto? A memory. A feeling. A belief that he’d made a real connection. But nothing substantial. Nothing real. // 'Ian, is there something hindering you from wanting to move on?" she asked then sat back, looking closely at him. “Are you familiar with the term rumination? // ... // Rumination, as opposed to worry, very often focuses on loss and an overpowering need to understand why something happened.' She continued to watch him closely as she spoke. 'While emotional processing starts out this way, healthy processing leads to acceptance and a release of negative emotions, but rumination keeps you stuck in a pattern.’”

THIS is my brain in a nutshell. As I wrote in a comment on one of the chapters to this amazing slow burn, enemies-to-lovers fic, I’ve got relationships from 20y+ ago that I still brood over. I’m working on letting go and the Gallavich universe has been a creative inspiration for doing some of that work. 

Someone to Hold Me Up, by @westernredcedar - Mickey has a conversation with an OC about forgiveness, after reconnecting with Ian in this hurt/comfort fic:

“'You ever have to forgive your guy for something?' Mickey asks. // Mel laughs. 'Of course. Daily, actually. The man’s a damn slob.' // Mickey snorts, but then he runs his hand over his mouth and tries to actually get to the point. ‘What about something big?' // Mel looks like he’s considering the question thoughtfully, and Mickey realizes that somewhere in the midst of all this madness, he’s really gotten to like this guy. 'I have lots of thoughts about forgiveness, actually,” Mel says with an eyebrow raised. “So you may not want to get me started on that theme. But it’s more about my parents and my sister than about Jeffrey, if that matters. I guess for me it all boils down to this: would it cost me more to forgive or cost me more to stay angry? And my answer to that question is not the same for everyone.’”

This conversation about forgiveness has really stayed with me. One of the reasons I’ve realted so much to the character of Ian Gallagher is I had a hothead brunet of a boyfriend in high school during that same age range (15-17) who is probably the same height as Noel Fisher and caused no shortage of DRAMA in my life, and it didn’t end well. (We were definitely NOT soulmates.) I am serious when I say Shameless and Gallavich specifically helped me let a lot of this 30y old angst go. This exchange b/w Mickey and Mel gets at it - it was costing ME a lot to hang on to this past. 

By and By, by @nowherenj - This one I’m not going to excerpt, because it was the whole story that moved me. Nowherennj draws on their experience in recovery, and this slow burn is both beautifully written and a primer on being in recovery. This was really helpful for me, as I have close friends and family who are in recovery, some with a dual diagnosis (drug use + mental health diagnosis), and this story’s generous attention to detail helped illustrate their experiences for me in a way that we don’t talk about on a regular basis. One of the reasons I identify so strongly with Shameless is because I come from a big sprawling Irish-American family with a lot of addiction and mental illness in it. This fic about Ian and Mickey in recovery makes explicit much of what I think my family hovers around because it can be so hard to talk about openly. I wept reading this one when the author brought in The Avett Brothers’ No Hard Feelings - how I want to live my life.   

Etherized against the Sky, by Snarfle - This one is less about my own therapeutic journey and more about what I hope I can be for young adults that I work with now. It has a character in it named Mr. Strickland, who is a very important father figure for Mickey. I was a professor for a decade, and still mentor young adults in my current job. I think one of the unsung roles that I experienced in academia is too be a mentor for young people. Some instructors are just about curriculum and grading, but when you cross paths with young adults at the beginning of this stage of life, figuring their sh*t out, the ability to be a kind and safe source of input and an active, non-judgemental listener is honestly the most fulfilling aspect of working with students and young professionals, in my view. Maybe it’s because the years 15-25 were such chaos for me, but I love working with people this age (and probably why I hang around on Tumblr despite my near eligibility for AARP lol). You’ve got your whole life in front of you! So many possibilities! Full of hot boyfriends and tomato plants and rescue dogs and heated pools. :) 

There are surely more, I’ve realized that “hurt/comfort” is a great tag for these kinds of stories. But this post is already too long. Thanks to all of you in the fandom who have created art and narrative that have kept me coming back for more, and not feeling so alone in the pandemic. We are a mighty little community!

[naruto-littlespace]

Akatsuki Littlespace Headcanons

I could and probably will write more, but I don’t feel like it right now, so here’s this.

Disclaimer 1: Littlespace, in the AU and in real life, is a coping mechanism for everything from everyday stressors to psychological disorders like PTSD. If you sexualize littlespace do not interact with this AU or me, I will block you.

Disclaimer 2: Littlespace in this post is slightly different from in real life, magic-ed up in a similar way to how ninjas are magic-ed up in the Naruto universe. Chakra-using littles actually revert to the size they were when they were their little ages, although they retain any bodily changes since then (little Kakuzu still has stitches, little Deidara would have hand mouths.) The exception of course is Sasori, whose body is manmade and doesn’t change. People also do not necessarily remember their big lives when they slip into littlespace, sometimes becoming confused about where they are and who they’re with. They will sometimes be confused about what time period they’re in as well, believing things to have happened that hadn’t happened yet in their little age but were far in the past in their adult age.

This isn’t how I’m going to treat littlespace w/ Naruto characters all the time on this account btw, it’s just an idea I’ve been playing around with, like the psychological defense of reverting to a childlike state inadvertently triggers a transformation jutsu to match.

Nagato:

Little age pre Yahiko’s death was 6-7, post is 2-4

Started regressing shortly after the formation of the original Akatsuki. She and Yahiko had to do research to figure out why their teenage friend had suddenly turned into a child, but after they learned they took care of him: treated him like a child, bought him kids books from the local thrift shop, tucked him into bed. He called them uncle and auntie.

He would stay in littlespace for a surprisingly long amount of time, for 4-6 hours on days between missions.

After Yahiko’s death he spent many days in a row regressed to age two. Konan scrambled to take care of him and handle her own grieving. After that was over he promised her she wouldn’t have to take care of him again.

Nowadays of course she still takes care of him when he regresses, but he tries to force himself out of it if he begins to.

He still has board books and stuffies, so if he does fully regress he’ll have one of his pein bodies bring them to him.

Being ~3 he doesn’t have the mental capacity to control all the Peins, so they just kind of idle for awhile.

Konan:

Little age is 3-5

Pre modern Akatsuki she didn’t like regressing at all and only did it involuntarily. She would handle it by either walking it off or reading Nagato’s board books by herself.

This continued pretty much until she started becoming friends with Kakuzu, who openly admitted he was a little (he thought she should know, in case it ended up delaying his missions--it was mostly so she would stick up for him to Pein. No, he wasn’t hunting bounties, there’s a perfectly logical explanation--)

So she had a bad day while she and Kakuzu were at the same base and went ‘can you please deal with me for a couple of minutes’ and he was like ‘ofc’ so she sat down in front of him and shrank down to a little girl and started crying. He picked her up and bounced her on his knee until she calmed down. She ended up staying little for a couple of hours because Kakuzu took her out of the office and telling her stories about his childhood while they prepared dinner.

Kisame becomes her caretaker too when the three of them start dating.

Sometimes she starts crying inconsolably about something she won’t talk about other than someone leaving her and something being unfair. Pein showed up during this one time and said he knew what she was talking about and it was none of her cgs’ concern which ofc made them concerned but they haven’t gotten the chance to talk to her about it.

Itachi:

Little age is 2-4 but since her chakra is often very low so she doesn’t always physically become that tiny.

She didn’t regress until after she joined the Akatsuki, but when she did Kisame wasn’t surprised. He reintroduced himself as her babysitter, slipped her a lollipop and took her to a library to pick out some kids books.

Loves to be pampered. Oh god it’s the only time she can relax at all

Wears reading glasses because they can’t get her in to an eye doctor appointment

She’s trans in this au because I say so

Likes playing with weasel and crow toys, esp when her caretaker (usually Kisame, Konan and Kakuzu as well when they’re around) plays the weasel and she’s the crow. She’ll tell stories where they go out to the woods to train or just hang out.

She loves to sit in laps <3

She eats a lot more in littlespace than out so whoever’s feeding her makes lots of food. For her to grow big and strong u know

Kisame:

Little age 0. He is just baby

Being reminded of the bloody mist triggers his littlespace, though he has to be in a bad headspace in the first place. It really does not happen often.

Post Akatsuki the first time he slipped was after he, Kakuzu and Konan started dating. Kakuzu woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of crying and woke Konan up immediately afterwards because holy sh*t there’s a baby in our bed!!

It was Kisame. Kakuzu picked him up and rocked him back to sleep. Konan asked how he was so good with kids and he was like ‘oh I had a baby once.’ She does not ask him to elaborate. Kisame wakes up as an adult the next morning.

They keep a container of powder formula for him if he regresses but won’t get him a pacifier because they’re afraid he’d bite off and choke on the teat. They have bottles but Kakuzu makes the nipples for them out of one of his threads on the spot bc he’d bite through literally everything else with his tiny demon teeth.

Sasori:

Little age is unclear (unlike some of the others, he’s never said it.)

Signs he’s in littlespace: stops talking, stops walking if he can afford it, walks unsteadily and a little bowlegged if he can’t. Stops using ninjutsu and if he’s near a kitchen he might try to eat despite not having a digestive system anymore. Has been known to ask where Granny Chiyo is. The answer is ‘back home.’

Deidara got him a pacifier and a coloring book. He does use them but not when anyone else is watching, not even Deidara.

He is a bit upset when he’s reminded that his body is wooden. He would like to feel things please. But he learns to just enjoy the sensation of squishing a stuffie and his jaw chewing on a paci.

Deidara:

Not actually a little. He just hasn’t gone through sh*t like the rest of the Akatsuki have, and has coping mechanisms for when he is having a bad time.

He caretakes for Konan when her boys aren’t around and for Sasori if he’ll let him.

Hidan told him about littles after Kakuzu regressed in front of him and thought Deidara might need to know because of how much baggage Sasori has (he doesn’t know what it is but he can smell drama)

So he looked out for Sasori becoming a kid and learned instead to look for him not acting like an adult. He walked out of Hiruko and tried to eat in front of him and Deidara had to tell him he couldn’t have a strawberry because it was bad for his health and not because it would probably make his insides mold. It’s weird but Deidara is also weird and he makes it work.

Kakuzu:

Little age is 9-10

Post Akatsuki the first time he regressed was in front of Hidan in the middle of the woods. He didn’t recognize him and immediately tried to run and then beat him up when he chased him. Hidan had to think fast and tell him he was his new neighbor and pretend to be taking him home. The next time he was babysitting.

Sometimes asks where his husband is. The first time Hidan heard this his response was ‘what the f*ck’ and Kakuzu told him that was a bad word.

Enjoyed activities include reading, sparring, and to the surprise of some, hunting. He’s not bad w/ a bow and arrow.

The best way to keep him in/make him feel comfy in littlespace is to make him a meal. U can let him help to the extent that he sets the table or pours the drinks or smth (because he will ask) but take care of the food for him, because he hasn’t had someone else handle that for him in a long time.

Regressing isn’t necessarily a common thing for him to do but he’s one of the only ones whose regression can be triggered by physical pain as well as emotional. He can usually harden his skin to block attacks but if he doesn’t in time he may turn into a ten year old. It actually can surprise an opponent enough for Hidan to be able to take them out.

Hidan:

Not a little either.

Knew about littles bc there was an old man in his village who had ptsd from some long forgotten war and sometimes turned into a six year old.

Caretakes for Kakuzu pretty exclusively, unless Kakuzu is big and taking care of someone else, in which case he’ll help out if he’s feeling nice at the time. Itachi is actually his favorite to take care of because Itachi is a very manageable child.

Obito:

Little age varies wildly from about 1-11. He blocks his physical regression because he regresses Often and doesn’t want to blow his Madara cover.

He has been regressing since p much immediately after he got crushed. Madara was really having none of it and went from patiently waiting for him to become ‘big’ again to pretending it wasn’t happening, forcing Obito back into a uh. ‘’Normal’’’’ headspace

The Tobi act is actually covering his littlespace though when he’s an adult he has no idea how to realistically act like a kid so when he’s actually a kid it’s kind of jarring for all involved

When he’s a baby he just screams. Not really crying in distress but screaming because he can

He’s so eager for attention. Please talk to him! Play toys with him!!! Read a book, eat dango, run around outside, catch bugs, train!!!

Never mentions Kakashi or Rin but sometimes will mention his grandma or Lord Fourth as if he is the current Hokage

[some-writer]

Bathroom Talks ft: Bill Denbrough

Bathroom talks are talks you have in the bathroom. Unintentionally you find yourselves in the bathroom together, enjoying each other’s company or comforting each other.

- You and Bill have known each other since before you two even started school.

- Your mother being close friends with his parents, often watched over him when they worked or were going out.

- Which was completely okay because the two of you were best friends and enjoyed the sleepovers.

- ANYWAY

- One day after running all the way to Bill’s house, a few houses down from yours.

- His parents were still away at work, and he had just gotten home from school

- You let yourself in, having found the extra key under the doormat outside

- You tip toe the stairs, hoping to scare Bill, a little game you two play (before IT)

- Noticing the lights in the bathroom on, you slam the door open, clearly not thinking about “what if he’s actually USING the bathroom”

- and of course he is

- The both of you scream, and you quickly get out, shouting apologies as you slam the door shut.

- ...”you scream like a little girl-“

- “S-sh-shut up i-I d-do not!”

- The both of you burst out into giggles

- And you stay, leaning against and talking through the door, until he’s done.

but that was just the beginning

- Soon the bathroom talks evolve

- Your mom eventually starts working again, and decides that you are old enough to take care of yourself for a few hours

- which you QUICKLY agree to

- You find yourself hanging over with Bill and (now) Little Georgie

- Or sometimes they just stay with you

- One day while you were showering, you heard a small knock at the door along with a small muffled shout.

- Getting slightly irritated due to not being able to hear the person correctly and knowing it was Bill or your mom

- you go ahead and give them permission to come in

- Bill is 101% shocked

- “di-did she ju-just t-t-tell me to-“

- He gets all flustered and confused, but slowly creaks the door open and keeps his head still outside not looking

- “J-just wa-wanted to t-tell you th-that w-we’re he-here-“

- you peek outside of the shower curtain and smiled at his shyness, “hey Bill, what do you want to eat for dinner??”

- and just like that he opened the door a bit more, peeking into the bathroom, smiling happily when he sees your hair sticking up in different directions from the shampoo you were playing with

- “Ni-nice h-hairstyle.”

- “Thanks it was free-“

- laughter

eventually you two get used to it

- you stomped to Billy’s house, annoyed at everyone

- Henry fucking Bowers started another rumor

- and at first you didn’t car but then you found out it was about you

- you stomp into the home, giving Georgie a quick hug and a small kiss on the forehead, because he said “hi” and you didn’t want to be mad at him.

- And then you continue your march to the bathroom

- You open the door without hesitation, ignoring Bill’s shocked cry

- “y-y/n!! w-what ar-are you do-doing I-I-“

- “HES SUCH A FUCKING DICK!!”

- Bill automatically shuts up, and bites his lip, trying to cover himself and clean up

- you pace around the bathroom and continue to rant, not looking at him for the obvious reason, but needing someone to listen to you

- And Bill does

- He sighs when he’s done washing his hands

- And by then you’re close to tears.

- Bill simply hugs you, letting you cry about how stupid Henry was and how he probably had the smallest dick ever.

- The two of you laugh at that one.

- And after that day, there really wasn’t any barriers.

then Georgie’s incident happened

- you were at home

- completely oblivious of it

- you had been home for the past days, sick in bed

- and your mom hadn’t heard the news yet, all she heard was that something happened to the youngest son of her friends

- that was it all it took to put you on edge all day

- you were in the bathroom, sitting on the ground with your head on the bathtub

- you had come down with a small stomach bug, so being next to the toilet was the safest option.

- you heard him before you saw him

- Bill let out small sniffles and whimpers as he entered the bathroom

- and your heart shattered at the sight

- Bill sobbed, quickly falling down to his knees and hugging you tightly, mumbling George’s name over again and how it was his fault

- You cried.

- Cried for Georgie, who was like a younger brother to you and was too small to be out in the world alone lost

- Cried for Bill, who loved his brother so much, too young to be going through the heartbreak.

- The two of you were stuck there for hours, just crying.

- Eventually you convinced Bill that it wasn’t his fault, that he was a great older brother, and that Georgie wouldn’t want him to feel that way.

- your mom ended up finding the two of you passed out on the bathroom rug.

because of your wonderful and awful times in the bathroom with Billy, IT used this to mess with you the most.

- you were most vulnerable in the bathroom

- and he had appeared to you in your shower

- turning off the lights

- “b-billy that isn’t funny- turn on the lights!”

- “Who’s Billy?”

- You had never screamed so loud in your life, trying to get away from the person on the other side of the curtain

- “BOO!”

- You screamed and cried, staring at the wicked clown in front of you, blood dripping from its lips.

- “why the long face y/n? you scared?”

- as he inched closer you shut your eyes tightly, a whimper leaving your mouth as the air got tense and a horrid smell filled your senses

- you gagged

- “you fucking stink-“

- and just before IT could do anything, Bill entered the bathroom, turning on the lights.

- and the clown was gone

- “Y-y/n!! W-wha— w-why we-were you s-showering wi-with the l-lights o-off?”

- you quickly wrapped yourself in a towel, shaken up about what happened

- but Bill wasn’t looking at your body, he was looking at the look of pure fear in your eyes

- “y/n..”

- you sniffled and tried to take deep breaths

- Bill stiffened and quickly sat you down on the edge of the tub, hugging you tightly, and reminding you to breathe

- you never felt more safe than in that moment.

it was safe to say that during the time the Losers and yourself were tracking down IT

- Bill was glued to your side

- Everyday the two of you would sneak out of class and slip in the bathrooms

- Not wanted to get caught by teachers in the hallway

- Eventually the two of you were caught, by none other than Richie.

- “WHAT THE FUCK- WHAT’S SHE DOING IN THE BOYS BATHROOM- but wait- WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU GUYS WERE HOOKING UP-“

- the two of you facepalmed

- the losers eventually got over it, Richie making inappropriate lewd jokes about the two of you “talking” in the bathroom

- to which, as usual, everyone ignored

- it was your guys coping mechanism

And it didn’t go away, not even after IT

- “Bill?”

- “Ye-yeah, y/n?”

- “..i like you.”

Bill’s bright blue eyes met yours, you could see flashes of different emotions in them. Bill had always been quick to read, at least for you. His mouth was agape, and he quickly stood up from his spot on the toilet. He wasn’t using it, but the two of you had stayed in the bathroom after he had been.

“I-I-“

You looked down at your hands, picking at your slightly chipped nails that you chewed on when you got anxious. “I like you. It’s okay if you don’t like me back, just.. I want you to know is all.” You shrugged and looked back at him, surprised at how neutral he looked. He didn’t have any sort of emotion on his face, he was thinking.

The only thing you saw was his baby blue eyes, how soft they had gotten. Your stomach flipped and you took a deep breath, preparing for the worst.

“You’re silly.”

You frowned and opened your mouth, about to protest, you felt a rush of annoyance. But Bill beat you to it, kissing your cheek softly, leaving you speechless.

“You’re s-silly,” Bill took a shaky breath, trying his best not to stutter, “for thinking that I don’t like you back.” He smiled at your facial expression watching it change from annoyed to surprised in seconds.

You smiled sheepishly at him, giving him a small nudge from your place on top of the counter. “What a charmer.” You gave him a quick peak on the cheek.

“You didn’t stutter that time!”

“oh s-shut up.”

“Spoke too soon!”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

so that as long- but I hope you enjoyed it!! :,) I loved writing it. Let me know what you guys think! I’m excited to write about the IT characters and cast!

[shipmistress9]

Kiss Me Like You Want Me

Fandom: HTTYD

Pairing:Hiccstrid

Rating: T

Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff, Feels

Summary: Hiccup thinks Astrid is about to break up with him and doesn't know what he has to do to keep her.

Just a little oneshot, Inspired by the song Kiss Me by Rea Garvey (I highly recommand listening to this song). I love this song. Some of the things Astrid says here are direct quotes from the song, so all credits are going there.

. o O o .

With a heavy heart, Hiccup sat in one of the chairs in their kitchen and stared unseeingly down at the cup of tea in his hands. He’d brewed it out of reflex, a natural reaction whenever he was upset. But today, it didn’t help at all. Maybe because he'd automatically prepared a second cup even though he knew that it wouldn't be needed. Or it was because he could hear Astrid rummaging about in the room next door, making it impossible for him to forget the reason for his anxiety.

Something was off.

It wasn't something he could put a finger on and it wasn't something new, either. He just felt it, deep in his heart. Astrid was in the process of leaving him, and he didn't even know why. Gods, he loved her so much! And he'd done everything to support her, hadn't he? After years of being friends with her, he knew her so well, knew that she was strong and independent, that she needed her freedom to flourish. So he hadn't pressured her into moving in with him after they’d gotten together a year or so ago, hadn't even brought the option up himself and instead had waited until she was ready. He hadn't minded her going out and meeting with friends, had even encouraged her to do so. He'd done everything to support her in her freedom, even though, deep inside, he'd sometimes wished to simply hold her, to spend more time with just her, to go on a date again, or just have a cosy film night together. Just to show her how much he loved her. But every time one of those urges to restrain her in any way had come up, he'd stomped them down, good and hard. For her. Because he didn't want to be one of those guys who controlled their girlfriend's every action. She was her own person, and it was good that way.

But somehow, he was still losing her. It was happening, right now, and he didn't know what to do to prevent it. Freya, he would crawl on his knees and beg her to stay if he thought it would help! But for weeks now, the distance between them had grown, the atmosphere noticeably growing colder despite his feelings still burning hot for her. He felt as if he'd disappointed her in some way, as if he'd done something wrong. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't think of anything. And it wasn't like her to simply hold a grudge like that anyway. If he'd done something wrong, then surely she would have let him know, and in no uncertain words no less.

He gasped, something like a low sob escaping him, and with trembling fingers, he wiped away the lonely tear that ran down his cheek. All this thinking wasn't doing him any good. All he knew was that he loved her, more than anything else in his life, and that he was losing her without knowing why. And it was killing him.

When he heard the door to their bedroom open and close, he flinched and quickly recomposed himself. He didn't want to let her see his pain, didn't want to put this kind of pressure on her. If she wanted to leave him... then hurting her by letting her see his pain was the last thing he wanted to do.

Mechanically, he stood up, leaving the by-now-cold cup of tea standing where it was, and walked over to their small corridor. Astrid was there, a small bag at her feet, certainly packed with clothes and other necessities. "You-you're leaving?" he asked in a hoarse whisper, barely daring to look her in the eye.

She took her sweet time to respond, not confirming or denying the true question when she did. "I'm going to Ruff's."

Hiccup nodded, gulping. "Will you... be back tonight?" It was a pathetic question. As if he couldn't live even one night without her. But, Odin, it wasn't so far off the truth. He didn't want to live without her, couldn't imagine going through his days without her warm smile and her witty comments, without seeing her beautiful sapphire blue eyes sparkle with joy or mischief.

But Astrid didn't answer – which was enough of an answer in itself.

He let his head drop, didn't want to see the resentment or pity or whatever else was showing on her face right now. He'd lost her, that thought alone hurt enough already. And because he'd lost her, it didn't matter whether he held back or not anymore, right?

"Is there... is there anything I can do to make you stay?" He hated himself for how much his voice was trembling, for the dampness in his eyes flowing over again. 

Again, Astrid didn't respond though, and since he still wasn't looking at her, her suddenly standing right in front of him made him jump. Without his help, his eyes found hers, instantly drowning in them, just like always. She was so beautiful...

But there was something different about her eyes; they were red, bloodshot, her face around them swollen. As if she'd been... crying?

"Kiss me," she whispered, a deep pain in her voice that seemed to resonate with something deep inside him. "Kiss me like you mean it."

Hiccup reacted without even thinking about it. If he was losing her anyway and if this was what she was asking of him, then he wouldn't hold back this time. His hands darted up, cradling her face with his long fingers as his lips all but crushed down on hers. For once, for the first time in a long while, he wasn't mindful of guarding his feelings. Instead, he let them all pour out of his heart and through their kiss into her; all his longing and desire, all his love for her. 

Astrid gasped against his lips, stumbling back a little, and Hiccup used her little slip up for his own advantage. With one hand dropping to her shoulder, he used her momentarily loss of balance to push her back a step or two, against the wall behind her. At the same time, his tongue pushed passed her lips, claiming her mouth, her breath, gliding along her tongue as if they were one. 

He’d expected her to push him back as soon as she’d caught up with his actions, that she would slap him or maybe yell at him and then leave for him to never see her again. Even he felt as if he was crossing some forbidden boundary. But instead of fighting him… 

She was kissing him back? 

Hiccup’s mind went utterly blank when he felt her respond to his kiss, hands around him pulling him closer instead of pushing him away, when her fingers found their way into his hair, and at how she sighed as her tongue and lips were moving with his instead of against him. 

Something like a flicker of hope flared up inside him, and he made a small step closer to her, all but pinning her against the wall now. The hand on her shoulder dropped down to her waist, his thumb caressing that thin stripe of bare skin there as the other tilted her head to deepen the kiss even further. It felt too bolt, like too much. As if he was crossing a line he’d never before dared approaching. 

But it also felt just right. The way she moaned into his mouth and pressed her entire body against his, all but melting against him, pulling him even closer. Her hand in his hair sent shivers down his spine, tugging and scraping in clear search of more. 

He wasn’t sure what that moment was, only that he wanted it to never end. But eventually, they had to breathe, gasping against each other’s neck as both refused to put any distance between them. “Please don’t leave,” he muttered against her skin, unable to keep himself from caressing her cheek with the tips of his fingers. He wasn’t even sure why he said it. Maybe it was the surprise over how eagerly she’d reacted still buzzing through his mind that made him utter those words, words he never would have said under different circumstances out of fear to put too much pressure on her. But right now, they seemed like the most sensible thing to say. He even pulled back, just a little bit, just enough to look her in the eyes and lose himself once more in them. “Please stay,” he breathed. “I… I love you, Astrid! And I don’t want to lose you.”

Again, he feared that he might come across as too pathetic, but at least Astrid didn’t seem to think so. Instead, her eyes were filling with a strange light, glowing brightly with something like hopeful joy, something Hiccup hadn’t seen there in a very long time. 

“You do?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Hiccup’s face twitched, and he pulled away a little further to truly look at her. “Of course, I do!” he emphasised. “Astrid, you’re everything to me. I love you more than I’ll ever be able to put into words, more than anything else.”

Beneath his hand, Astrid’s expression crumpled, eyes closing as she leaned more heavily into his touch. There was a tear running down her cheek, but before he could react to that, she dropped her head, hiding it and those that might follow, and leaned against this chest instead. 

“Astrid?” he asked, carefully. She seemed so weak, so soft and vulnerable. It was something he’d sometimes dreamed of, but not like this. He wanted to be strong for her, for her to be able to let herself go and relax – but not because of any pain he might have caused her in the first place. “Astrid, what’s up? Did… did I do something wrong?”

A strange sound escaped her, something between a sob and laughter, as she shook her head against his shirt. “No, it’s just,” she mumbled, then pulled back to look up at him again. “Why were you acting so weird then? I… I thought you didn’t want me here anymore, or maybe never wanted me here in the first place.”

Hiccup’s breath caught in his throat as he realised his mistake. “I… wanted to give you your freedom,” he murmured, trembling. “Didn’t want to give you the feeling I’d try to control you or anything. I…” he broke off when Astrid chuckled weakly. 

“Oh, Hiccup,” she sighed. “Sometimes, you can be such an idiot.”  She laughed, if a little shakily, and Hiccup decided that, despite the mild insult, he wouldn’t have minded listening to her laughter for eternity. “You know… if I want my freedom, then I’ll tell you so. Because I know you, and I trust you; you would never try to hold me back. It’s part of why I love you so much.”

Her words send a warm shiver down Hiccup’s back. She loved him. All this anxiety of the past weeks, all his worries and fears – and it’s all been for nothing. Exhaling shakily, he leaned his forehead against hers, his lips twitching into something of a smile. “So… what do you want me to do?”

She leaned more heavily against him, seeking contact wherever possible. “Just… show me that you care,” she whispered. “Kiss me like you kissed me before, like you want me. Hold me like you’re hoping I’ll stay here.”

When Astrid stretched to do part of what she’d asked of him herself, Hiccup didn’t hesitate for even one more heartbeat. His mouth was on hers, lips sliding against each other, teeth nipping and tongues exploring. With all dams broken down, his own feelings for her overwhelmed him, all the longing and desire, his love for her. He held her tight, kissing her like he’d never done before and putting all those feelings into his actions. He’d been an idiot before for holding back; he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. 

Astrid was little better, clinging to him, and eventually, it dawned on him just how much of an idiot he’d been. Because she was feeling the same. It was in her every movement, in the way her hands tugged at his hair, how she pressed her body against his, how her tongue claimed his mouth with a determination he’d rarely felt before. But, Gods, he was hers, all hers to claim, to own. Forever. 

. o O o .

“What’s up, sis? Why are you grinning like a moron? Not that you aren’t a moron, but usually you aren’t that obvious.”

Ruff threw her brother an annoyed look, but couldn’t help her mouth twitching back into a grin a moment later. “Thanks, bro, I hate you too. But just so you know, Astrid isn’t coming over after all.”

“What?” Tuff exclaimed, groaning. “So I cleaned up for nothing?”

Ruff just shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t hurt to occasionally clean up.”

“That’s your opinion. My back hurts very much from all the bending down.” He slumped down onto the nearby sofa, head falling back a cushion. “That’s it. I won’t do anything anymore today.”

Ruff rolled her eyes at her lazy idiot of a brother. He could be such a drama queen. 

“And why did she change her mind?” Tuff eventually asked as he remembered why he’d cleaned up the living room with the sofa bed in the first place.  

Ruff shrugged, again grinning. “Looks like they made up after all. Her message sounded pretty happy.”

“Told you H is all head over heels for her,” Tuff snorted, shaking his head. “All this drama… for nothing.”

. o O o .

Comments, likes, and reblogs always welcome. ^^

[mystisnykoto]

The Outsiders - Chapter 24

Weight of the World

'Warning: Chassis damage detected. Emergency combat mode enabled.'

Iris shuffled up to her feet, stepping backwards and trying her best to keep on her feet. Perraux moved forward, each step causing sand to blast away from her foot.

“You... pushed me too far...” Perraux's voice boomed. “You... will die...” Perraux clenched their fist tight, dashing forward in a near instant to punch Iris in the gut. Her frame cracked, small shards of her chassis shattering off from her back and side. Iris tumbled back, rolling back to her feet as pieces of her mechanical insides began to crumble and fall out from her back. Iris grunted, dropping to a knee, bracing herself on the sand beneath her.

'Alert: Escape is advisable in the current situation.'

“I'm... aware...” grunted Iris, looking up to see Perraux flying in with their knee shoved forward. Iris fired off her leg jets, propelling her clear from the strike aimed at her face. Iris landed on her feet, trying her best to analyze the situation for a way to fight back. Perraux slid to a halt, quickly snapping their sight back to Iris. “How c-can I f-fight ba-ack...” Perraux dashed in again, Iris preparing to dodge once more, only to feel her body because extremely heavy and sluggish.

'Warning: Battery levels at ten-percent, seek a charging source immediately.'

“Y-yesss, I-I kn-now...” spoke Iris, her voice echoed and mechanical, her feigned attempt to avoid the attack caused her to take the brunt of the attack to the face, shattering her shell and exposing her metal skull beneath. Iris slid down the dune, never falling off of her feet, and came to a stop once the surface leveled out. “I'm... t-too sl-slow... H-how c-can I do th-this...” Iris spoke aloud to herself.

“What's wrong Iris!?” Perraux taunted, walking down the dune with their arms out to their sides. “Lost the will to keep fighting?”

“Ha-hardly...” Iris responded as she readied the cable from her back of her hand, remembering her time from inside The Net and accessing the data of others. “Br-i-ing it...” Iris called back. “What if I d-don't fight, a-and access-s their d-data directly... G-gods I-I hope thi-is works...” Perraux rushed in punching Iris in the stomach again, their fist burst out from Iris' back. Iris yelped in pain, moving as quick as she could to shove the end of the tether into Perraux's neck.

'Establishing connection...'

                                                                                                                Iris slowly opened her eyes, her form restored and complete, seeing a endless expanse of white before her with several standing panels seeming to frame a sort of walkway.

“Do it!” cried out a voice, Iris recognizing it as her own. “Destroy the panels and erase Perraux from our body!”

“STOP IT! DON'T YOU DARE APPROACH!” Perraux shouted back, Iris running forward to the first group of panels, seeing all of them with Perraux on display. Iris

“Smash his panels!” the voice of the original Iris shouted. Iris slammed her fist into the first panel, causing it to shatter and burst into pieces. A cry of pain sounded out from Perraux, echoing across the white space. Iris smiled with delight, rushing over to the next panel to see Perraux, with a quick flicker of her own original face. She smashed through the panel again, hearing the same scream from Perraux, as well as a loud grunt from the original Iris. Iris looked around, scared for a moment after hearing her own scream from all around her. “D-don't stop! You have to keep going and erase him!”

“R-right...” Iris stammered, running between the panels. She smashed the glass-like panels, each causing Perraux's cries to grow progressively weaker.

“Please... sss-stop this... I... I'll do wh-whatever you want... g-give you what y-you want...” Perraux begged, as Iris run up to one of the last two panels seeing a scared and terrified Perraux reflected within. “P-please! Don't... don't k-kill me...Bygones... a-and all...”

“You had your chance to be civil and let bygones be bygones...” spoke the original Iris, her voice extremely weak as well.

“... but your lust for power brought you passed redemption,” Iris spoke, smashing the panel and watching as the image of Perraux fragmented within. Perraux's image faded from each shard, a silent and pained scream on his face. Iris slowly turned to look at the last panel, stepping over to it to see a crying, but still smiling original Iris standing within.

“Y-you... you did it...” the original Iris spoke, her voice soft and weak. Iris placed her hand on the panel, touching softly as a glow began to emanate from within. The original Iris stepped out from the panel, collapsing into Iris' arms with a soft squeak and smile. “Aaah! Th-thank you...” Iris helped her original self stand back to her feet, as the two smiled at each other.

                                                                                                              The pair stepped through the white space as panels rose up from far beneath, settling near the pair, each panel displaying a different memory and moment from their life.

“Oh gods, r-remember this-s one!” the original Iris cheered out, her form glitching a bit as she trotted over to a nearby panel. “When L-Leo firs-st started-d to teach u-s-s...” Both versions of Iris let out their own soft chuckle, as android Iris approached the panel.

“Leo didn't quite know how to control his own strength, whacked us pretty hard on the head,” spoke android Iris, touching the panel. “He sat there apologizing for almost two hours! It... it was how I knew he was truly a kind and gentle person... That... he really did care about me and others, and wasn't just some bodyguard for my... our, father.” The pair laughed a little more, sharing a smile to one-another. “I really do miss him...”

“He's... alive, actually...” Android Iris quipped. “Something about Mystis bringing him back and being recruited into the Light Brigade.”

“R-really!?” the original blurted out, looking on in shock. “He... he really made it onto the squad, finally... He always said he was going to one day...”

“Yeah, he met with me just yesterday,” the android started. “He... he told me that the Brigade was... they were going to hunt after us... b-because of the amount of power and aether you had been pulling in...” She paused a moment, touching the glass. “He was the only one standing between them and us. So he made one last move to try and keep them off our back...”

“I... I s-see...” the original spoke softly. “I-I alm-most want t-to... n-no, this has to be done... Y-you have to stop me...” The original turned on her heels, pacing over to the next panel to see Ruri's bright smile. “When-n... we f-first met-t...I miss-s her s-so much... m-more than an-nything else...”

“She fixed our jacket, it looked turned out perfect... and gave her an excuse to see us again,” the android giggled. “Her smile was so warm... so genuine!” The pair giggled happily, walking between each panel and sharing in the memories, as the original Iris continued to fragment further. “Oh gods! This one! This is right after Ruri made herself a digital paintbrush! That... well, that was quite an interesting experience,” android Iris giggled, biting softly at her lip as the original Iris flushed bright red.

                                                                                                              “Th-is-s is-s one of my n-new f-fav-vorites-s, b-but n-not for-r the obv-vious r-reason...” stuttered the original Iris, touching a panel to show the memory. On the panel showed a scared android Iris, staring in through a window. “I-it is when-n Perr-raux f-first s-saw y-you, a-and I kn-new th-that in a-a way, I-I was s-still aliv-ve a-and I-I lived-d on.” The pair looked over the panel, as the original Iris began to glitch and distort even more erratically. Tear fell from her eyes as she looked over to her android self. “I kn-new... th-that Ru-Ruri would-d b-be prot-tected-d... sh-she would-d b-be w-with me...”

“I... I don't...” android Iris spoke, stumbling over her words as she began to cry even more.

“I-I kn-now...” the original Iris touched a hand to the cheek of her android self. “I-I'm n-not g-going to l-last m-much longer... A-all of-f Perr-raux is g-gone, b-but h-he had int-tegr-rated t-too deep i-into m-me. H-his presence r-remo-oved i-is causing m-me to slowl-ly er-rase...” She held up her hand, watching her hand scramble and fade as the fragmentation started to spread slowly up her arm. “Wh-hen I'm gone... p-please... sm-il-le when-n you th-think of-f m-me...”

“You... you could...” spoke the android Iris, touching over her original selves cheek. A warm glow spread from her hand, flowing into the original's cheek and slowing the glitch effect. “You... can integrate into me. My... you... could be safe with me, we could... could b-be whole...” She cried as the original leaned into the touch, her body beginning to fade from sight as the glitching ended.

“Mmm... would be nice... if it... would work...” the original spoke, closing her eyes as she was almost completely gone. “Please... tell everyone, I love them all... I-I... I have to leave...”

                                                                                                              Android Iris collapsed to the floor after her original disappeared, the white light of the space surrounding her starting to glitch with static and fade to black. Tears fell from her eyes, looking over her hands as a small glowing light floated above them. A weak smile crossed her face as she pressed the light to her chest. She pulsed with a warm light as the rest of the world around her faded and disappeared. Iris blinked, finding herself on her knees back in the Sagoli Desert. Her tether still connected to her old body, feeling the connection had closed and all data transfer ended. She tried to stand, feeling the arm still shoved through her gut and pinning her in place. Iris wiggled away, the arm pulling several small component pieces out from her. She slowly stood, staggering away as she walked through the desert.

“I-it's... it's over...” Iris muttered, smiling softly as she shuffled and kicked through the sand.

'Warning: Temperature lev-vvvvvlls-sssssssss rissss- ss---kkskssssss. Ex---ksssssnal-- detec—ksss' her system voice spoke, crashing and distorting as her systems began failing. Her vision fragmented and distorted, her tether dragging through the sand. 'Batksssss-ry levvksss-- wo perce---kssss...'

“Y-yes... I kn-now...” Iris spoke, her voice dulled and monotonous. Iris made it ten yalms from her old body before collapsing to her knees, her vision crashing and shutting off.

'Criticksssssssss-l sssssysssksssss... failure... Sysssskssssss-tem terminating...'

“R-Ruri... E-everyone... I love you all, I h-have to g-go...I'm... I-I'm sorry...”

(First Chapter)          (Previous Chapter)           (Epilogue)

(Other Tales)

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[alternativelarryaus]

Alternative Larry AU (1)

Summary: After the One Direction reunion, Harry and Louis come out in the form of a video recording.

Authors’s note: try to picture them and their accents while reading this.

2019, October 13th. After working on their solo projects and promoting their albums all around the world, One Direction had decided that it was time to go back to what they started, and tour for Made in The AM. The sun rose like any other October morning and the internet was going crazy, sharing thousands of videos of the concert from the previous night.

It had only been the third show after their reunion, barely three hours of the boys on stage, but four years of waiting meant that fans had just enough footage to fill YouTube with video compilations. Harry’s dad jokes, Niall’s laugh, signs about Louis’ bum and Liam’s dance moves were already trending, but no one knew that the world was about to burn.

The boyband had begun their journey in the city that watched them grow since early days: London. They were no longer trying to find their spot in the industry. As they were internationally popular, the days of the tour bus were over. Though they missed their bunks and hanging out 24/7, it felt nice to sleep in a comfy hotel room during their stay.

_______________________________________________________________________

Around 11 am, a camera started recording in room 214, showing the sleepy face of Harry Styles sitting on the edge of the messy bed. Even though he looked tired, the Christmas themed sweater he was wearing made his eyes glow. It was too early in the year for that kind of wardrobe, but the colourful suits had left no doubt that he had a unique sense of fashion. He was focused on getting the camera’s angle right, when an oddly quiet Louis sat beside him.

L: There you go, Hazz. He smiled as he handed Harry a cup of steamy tea.

Louis was also wearing a sweater, a plain grey one, clearly oversized. He looked slightly nervous, and also excited, like he was finally going to get something off his chest. A weight he had been carrying on his shoulders for way too long. Harry, however, looked more at peace, or at least more comfortable.

H: I set up the camera there, I think it’ll do. Should I start, or do you want to?

Harry wasn’t sure how Louis was feeling about this. He knew that it had been Louis’ idea to make the bold move, he wanted to make him feel safe.

L: I think they should hear it from both of us.

He took a deep breath, hoping that it would make the story telling easier. He was sure about it. Being back in London only made him feel like it was the perfect time to do it. He had pictured this moment thousands of times before, and he couldn’t believe it was finally going to happen. The thought of long wished freedom reassured him. He looked at Harry to find his eyes showing support, and so he began.

L: Hey there, this is Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles (added Harry). You may know us from One direction, and for those of you wondering: no, this ain’t one of those video diaries. Well, it kind of is, but the purpose has changed entirely. We’re here because we’ve decided to stay true to ourselves, and finally put the sh*t we’ve been dealing with out there.

Louis doesn’t even know where to start, and Harry can sense his frustration in his early swearing. It takes just one second for Harry to realise that he’s gonna have to do the hard talking.

H: We met as contestants in the X Factor, along with three other young men, who would turn our lives upside down. We need you to know that we hold this time very closely in our hearts, despite the awful lot of drama that we had to go through.

L: Our world changed. We went from a guy who played football and a guy who worked in a bakery, to worldwide known artists. We were way too young to deal with all of it.

They don’t want to verbalize it, but their faces don’t lie: the memories are marked by pain.

H: The truth is, in the middle of figuring out who we were and what we wanted to do with this new life, we found comfort in each other. Harry turns his head to look Louis in the eyes and says: We fell in love. When he turns back to face the camera, his eyes show that to this day, he is still incredibly fond of Louis.

L: Then management and the industry f*cked it all up. I remember coming back home to you, and having this bittersweet feeling I couldn’t shake off. Sure, finally getting to show my emotions towards you was- His voice broke. … It was everything. Having to hide it outside, having to wait until we were alone, I couldn’t deal with it. To be honest I don’t even know how they let us live together, seeing how much of our lives they controlled.

H: We were kids, Lou. At first, we just did what we were told, and tried to make the most of the time we did get to spend together. But, eventually, it led to us growing apart. Being 16 and hearing that loving who you love, and being who you are, is going to ruin your career… You learn to hide.

Harry makes a little pause. He’s talking even slower than he usually does, as if he’s double thinking every word he says to make sure it comes out perfect. He wants to do justice to their story.

H: I started to hide my feelings towards everyone. I preferred to think that I was a closing myself, and not that I was being forced to be someone I didn’t identify with. I guess my defence mechanism was to deny that anything was being imposed. Of course, the picture of me that the media put out there didn’t help. Getting called “the womanizer” only made me close up even more, because I knew that any interaction with other celebrities would create rumours.

L: The impact it had on me was deeper, I even tried to change who I was. I can’t believe it went this far…

Louis’ voice broke just as he finished the sentence. One of his legs was shaking. Harry put his hand on his thigh, and Louis found the strength to continue.

L: I internalized a lot of hate towards myself. I ended up believing that getting over you was the right thing to do. Hell, I even pretended to be in relationships with people I had no feelings for. They know I loved them, and appreciated my friendships with them, but I was in love with you Harry. That’s something that couldn’t be changed.

Harry had heard those words many times before, but always fearful of getting caught. There was something about Louis’ confidence saying it now, that warmed his heart in a way he’d never be able to describe.

H: Everyone noticed that we weren’t as close. We made an unspoken deal to stay away from each other, and avoid our true feelings. Right before the hiatus, I couldn’t leave things like that, unsolved, ignored. We barely spoke, but not seeing each other was a completely different thing. Having you close was more important than I liked to admit. That’s when the… how do they call it? The hug?

L: The iconic Larry hug?

They both smiled, and the mood lightened up a bit. The toughest part was over.

H: Yeah, the iconic Larry hug happened. But management was still pressing, and we still felt trapped.

L: We did consider meeting up during the hiatus, but it was too risky. The last thing we needed was drama, and more intrusion into our personal lives. Time passed, and keeping in touch was not an option anymore.

Harry’s eyes suddenly opened a bit. It seemed he had remembered something pleasant.

H: But then Liam called.

They both looked up at the camera, completely in sync.

H: Liam called and said he was ready for a comeback.

L: I feel like it was a no-hesitation moment for all of us. I remember Niall’s joy when he saw us like it was yesterday. In three days we were already all together planning the next step. We made some calls and Made in The AM tour happened.

H: I still can’t believe how we managed to get everything ready at such short notice. But yeah, rehearsals came, and suddenly we were spending so much time together.

L: Just like old times.

H: I didn’t have time to think about how we’d work together after all that time and all the suppressed feelings, but the spark was definitely still there.

Louis blushed a bit.

L: What can I say? A love so deep and true doesn’t just go away. Seeing each other again, it was like those (almost) 5 years hadn’t taken place.

H: It wasn’t long till we felt like we couldn’t deny it anymore. And this time, we didn’t want to hide it. So here we are, in front of a camera, letting the world know.

They didn’t look tired or worried any more. The instant relief of saying it out loud was something that they’d never forget. This moment that they had waited so long for, was turning out to be even more satisfying than they could have ever imagined. Louis let out a sigh.

H: But we don’t want this video to be just about us, we want to put out a message.

L: First of all, thank you to all of the so called “larry shippers” who respected out privacy, and waited until we were ready to come out. Please, never forget that although being in the spotlight, we’re just like you, and you only get half of the story.

H: We’re happy that many people found our experience inspiring, and identified with us. We understand that representation is important, which is why we also want to speak up about the musical industry. It’s no secret that economic interests move management, people in charge of advertising and promoting. But their decisions all reflect the morals and ideas of society. Our identities were oppressed because heteronormativity sells best.

Harry looked at Louis to let him finish the message. He knew that giving hope to the people suffering was very important to him.

L: So we want to finish this up telling anyone that’s in similar situation, whether they’re in the industry or out of it, that you don’t have to let people tell you who you have to be. Who you have to love. You are free to live the life you want to live, and surround yourself with people who are supportive.

H: We’ll play our part spreading kindness throughout the world, but we can’t reach everyone. Please share this message with everyone you know, so that no one else has to bear what he had to go through.

L: We now have the chonce to come back to London after tour, or just go wherever our hearts tell us to go.

H: The bottom line is that we don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong, we’re each other’s home. Thank you for listening, and thank you for sticking with us till the end.

It’s done. It’s over. They’re finally free. No more words are needed for Harry and Louis to do what they’ve waited nine years to do in public. Harry puts his hand on his boyfriend’s cheek, Louis stares at Harry’s dimples for a second and quickly leans forward, he can’t wait. Time seems to stop when their lips meet. A A kiss – which marks the day they chose freedom.

_______________________________________________________________________

The video takes minutes to go viral. A happy Liam and a proud Niall are on top of the comment section: nothing other than supportive words from the friends that watched them suffer, and dreamt of the day they saw true bliss in their eyes.

[alittlestarling]

Prompt: amuse me with Ellana and Bram because Bram is adorkable and Ellana gets sad sometimes (p.s. I just finished the hakkon dlc and I want to??? Romance mr. Scholar man irl)

Oh man anon, I feel that life. Honestly, I want this nerd academic as a romance option. This wound up getting a little carried away from me but it’s my first real attempt at writing something longer since probably late last fall? ANYWAYS, Amuse Me with Bramlana aka my fave nerds in love.

Despite the presence of rabid dogs, unclosedrifts and what remained of the dwindling Venatori numbers in the desert, Bramwas having the time of his life. Sure, he lacked proper fighting skills,stepping back to let Ellana and her group take care of their enemies, and true,he had found himself sunburnt along his cheeks, but the history that restedbefore him was well worth the trek into what Ellana had called the ForbiddenOasis.

Out of the sun, a cool, damp breeze blew upthrough the temple ruins. Bram took off his hat, giving it a good shake(falling backward in an attempt to move just out of range of a strange lizardlooking creature hadn’t been graceful but it had kept him in one piece) as sandfell from both it and his ginger curls. Just out of the corner of his eye,Ellana light one of the braziers, the strange veil fire casting her in shadesof green. Sand cleared from his head, Bram glanced up and let out a long, lowwhistle.

“Maker have mercy,” He breathed, unable to stophis expression from morphing easily into one of unabashed joy and curiosity,“would you look at this.” His area of study was Chantry based but therewas something to be said about the beauty of this strange temple out in themiddle of the desert. “How long do you think this has just been standinghere?”

“Watching, waiting, standing against sand andtime,” Cole spoke up, and Bram tried not to let the shiver of surprise run downhis spine (though he failed) as the boy seemingly appeared out of nowhere rightnext to him. “It’s forgotten who built it, why, when-”

“Yeah, we get the picture, kid,” Varric clappeda hand against Cole’s back, steering him away from Bram, “it’s old as balls andwe still have chambers to unlock.” Despite the much needed change in tone,there was nothing confrontational about the exchange; Varric’s kind but firmtone spoke volumes. It was something he’d quietly noticed throughout theirtrip; the closeness and deep relationships between all of Ellana’s companionsran deeper than any of the tales and stories had suggested. Then again, theywould need to be close while trying to patch up the world.

“We still have a few chambers to unlock,” Ellanawas all business in the temple, adjusting the grip along her staff. “Once we’vedone that, it should be safe for us to explore.” Her gaze drifted to Bram, herserious expression shifting ever so slightly, lips quirked into a very smallsmile.

“After you, Inquisitor,” Cassandra broke the silenceand Ellana turned serious, almost somber once again. There was a heaviness thatseemed to grow, a weight on her shoulders as they slowly trekked down to thechambers that rested below. Near the back of the group, Bram hesitated to sayanything or to draw attention to the mood. It wasn’t the first time he had seenthis happen, a strange but inevitable quiet that surrounded her like a cloud.

Bram knew how he felt about her, wanted to dowhatever he could to alleviate the pain that lingered, but was that truly hisplace? It was a big step, coming out on the road with her, but it stillremained that they hadn’t quite expressed the depth or breadth of theirfeelings for one another. Bram was sure, so certain, that he was in lovebut Ellana had always been a little hesitant to admit any deeper feelings shemay have held.

He wasn’t going to pressure her, didn’t want torisk coming on too strong, too fast-

Bram gave a very soft sight, running a glovedhand gently across his sunburnt cheeks. He was overthinking this, as per usual.And this moment certainly wasn’t the time to be thinking about it, not when heshould have been on his guard.

Letting Ellana and Cassandra look over one ofthe unopened doors, Bram ran his fingers along stone etchings along the wall.He wondered-

“It has a name,” Cole was at Bram’s side again,making the scholar jump slightly. “It’s heavy on her tongue, she doesn’t wantto say it aloud in the language of her people. Temple of Pride but hisname meant pride. She doesn’t think of him often, not anymore. You’ve blindedthat part of her life with love that’s bright and warm. She likes when you makeher laugh, even if she tells you the jokes are awful.”

As soon as the words were out of the boy’smouth, he was gone again, vanishing back to Varric’s side, watching intently asthe dwarf adjusted his beloved crossbow. Bram wasn’t sure what to do with thatinformation - Cole, as Ellana had pointed out, often said strange things butacted out of compassion.

“Right,” Ellana’s voice broke him from histhoughts, gently securing pieces of the strange, glowing shards he had watchedher collect even in the basin, “let’s do this.” There was a strange, hissingsound, a whirring of old mechanisms coming to life as magic light the doorwayin an eerie blue light. A rush of freezing air blasted from the door, barelyajar and already cooling everything around them. Bram could see Cassandra’sbreath escape in a huff as she took the lead, following whatever direction theyusually took. Cole was sneaking in and Varric took up the rear with Ellana.Bram moved to follow but her hand pressed against his chest; warmth blossomedunder her palm, a stark contrast to the cold the blanketed them.

“Stay outside, it’ll be safer,” There wasgenuine concern in her voice, a breathless plea as the fight began in earnestwithout her.

“I think that’s rather cold of you,wouldn’t you agree?” It wasn’t his best work but he caught the barest glint ofa smirk on her lips and a shake of her head. He watched as Fade magic rippledat her fingertips, turning from him and leaping into the fray.

There was something beautiful and deadly aboutwitnessing the scuffles Ellana found herself part of. Even when it was againsta hoard of undead, Ellana moved with grace and determination, coordinating inan elegant harmony with her teammates. As she had asked, Bram stayed back,watching with awe, trying his best not to draw attention to himself (though hisclattering teeth made it hard).

“One room down,” Ellana panted, “a few more togo, if it’s like the fire room.” Bram considered himself blessed to be part ofthe cold, preferring a little freezing to the potential burning he assumed laybeyond the door Ellana had already explored. While the others places piecesinto the next door, Bram took a look around, glancing at pieces long sincedestroyed, musing under his breath if he could bring partials back to Orlais tobe studied.

Caught up in his quiet calculations, he didn’tsee the ice mine until it was almost too late.

Cold was the first sensation, morphing into adeep freeze that stole the very breath from him. Bram let out a choked cry,hearing rather than seeing Ellana take in a breath and call his name. Hecouldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think beyond cold cold cold cold-

There was an arm around his chest, another blastof cold and suddenly the world was vertical. Ice shattered and cracked from themine as he and Ellana landed a few yards away with an “oof”. Bram couldn’t stopshaking, all the air forced from his lungs as Ellana’s worried face swam beforehim. “Bram? Bram!” Her hands were warm on his face, a heating spell tinglingagainst his skin.

“Th-that’s o-one way t-to break the i-ice,” Bramchoked out. There was a muffled snort from the other side of the room but Bramkept his gaze locked on Ellana. She blinked a few times, a frown creasing herbrow.

“You were nearly frozen and you decide nowis the time to crack ice jokes?” Lips pressed into a thin line, she continued,her tone a little softer, “I think now you’re the one who’s turned cold.”And there it was - the smile that came from humor and relief, a half-hystericallaugh bubbling from her lips. She ran her fingers through his curls, shakingice that had frozen in place.

“I would have tried to arid on the sideof caution, but I thought that was best saved for being out in the sand,” Bramslowly sat up, grateful for her steady hand around his back as a gentlepounding settled at the base of his skull. There’d be a bruise there later,though he considered it well worth it to see her smile. He’d have to planbetter next time, as scaring his lady love into it wasn’t quite what he had inmind.

Her free hand cupped his cheek, thumb rubbinggentle circles against his skin. Bram had no hesitation as he nuzzled againsther palm, lips pressed against her skin. “I’ll endeavor not to do that again,”He finished quietly, a half-smile settling easily into place.

“I don’t want to lose you,” There was somethingso quiet, so serious, though Bram thought he saw something flicker across herfeatures. Realization, perhaps, a little fear, but (and he hesitated to call itsuch aloud) love outshone everything else.

He could lean in, he thought, brush his lipsagainst hers, reassure her that it was alright. He knew, of course he knew, butthere was no rush. Ellana didn’t have to say a thing; Bram would love herenough for the both of them, if that’s what she wanted. He would make herlaugh, celebrate her victories and stand out of the fray when she needed himout of the way. There were so many things he wanted to promise her but thewords were caught in his throat.

“Ellana,” He murmured, leaning up with everyintention of capturing her lips, nose brushing against hers. There was,however, a very sudden cough from behind them and Bram was brought back to thereality that they were not alone. Thanking the Maker once more for his sunburntskin, Bram coughed and pulled himself back. Ellana’s whole face was pink as shemoved away, standing and holding a hand out for him to take.

“Right, we should really keep moving,” Ellana’shand remained in his for a few moments longer than strictly necessary, givinghim a small (and perhaps slightly goofy) smile, “so long as you’re done tryingto disarm ice mines in here?”

Despite their audience and the very real threatof freezing, Bram leaned in, brushing his lips against hers for the briefest ofmoments. “I think I can manage.”

[drabbles-n-stuff]

"So you want me to fall?"

"I want you to do what's best for you. If that involves you becoming a demon? Dearest mine, do so."

This was... a lot to think about. She didn't want to think. It was so much easier on the battlefield. She could have just stayed there... that would make her happy. At least, that'd make her happy enough. To stave off this wave of existential crisis, she drank the rest of her cup, as well as Lulu's once offered it.

"Did I expose him to too much?" Poppy mumbled, the effect of the 'joy' tea gone as quickly as it came. "I don't want to hurt him."

"Oh, he'll be fine. But it seems like you have an admirer!" Lulu cooed, whistling in delight. "He keeps saying how cute you are. Was he babbling like that before, too?"

"Yeah... I... it's weird, isn't it? I've never been called pretty, honestly. Gallant, powerful, solemn, stalwart... just... not pretty. It's a nice feeling. Does Veigar call you pretty?"

"And many other names of a kind sort of love. And you want to know a secret?" Lulu leaned in Poppy's ear, purring. "I have so much pride that I was the one that he chose over anyone else in our Runeterra. Every name just makes me even happier with myself."

"And you don't feel... bad for it? Truth be told I.. uhm, I'm not, I'm not sure I'm comfortable being called... 'pretty'. I don't think a man that's twitching on the ground and feeble is on the right state of mind to call one 'pretty'. What if he saw me as something else?"

"How about we ask him when he wakes up?" A reassuring nod, wich Poppy also agreed with. "He should be a bit more stable by then."

A small guest room, usually reserved to their more savory customers, now housing a mumbling madman who a few hours ago was bleeding from his eyes and singing praises in tongues yet to be learned by mortals. Shelves filled with exotic spices, potions, and manuscripts, a bed made out of wood found in lands to the east, even more so than Ionia. Nothing at all belonged to Bandle, let alone the Continent of Valoran... a truly alien place, even if there was a comforting sense of familiarity there. At least for Poppy.

The room was dark when his consciousness returned, but even with half-blind eyes, he could see the precious light. He stuck a hand out to it.

Poppy blinked, staring at the hand with confusion, before remembering the gesture Tristana and Teemo did so ofter.

She held his hand.

"Amor..."

Lulu stared at the Angel, eyes wide and glassy, holding her breath. The house, the whole forest, holding their breaths in unison.

There was a moment of hesitation.

"...Yes?"

The mechanic rolled to his side, and for a moment it seemed like he would get up...

... before retching his guts out. Almost literally, as he emptied everything and then some that were inside him. And finally passed out once again, clutching his belly and moaning in pain.

"I..." She needed a moment to take all that in. "I-I thought... he was... he was better?"

"He isn't dead! Though now I need to clean this stuff. Give me a day or two, he'll be able to talk like a sane person then. I'll keep tabs on what he says about you." Lulu purred, but after wiping away most of the content Rumble retched on her, she crossed her arms.

"I am not going to abandon him. He is my... my... duty."

A glance from Lulu was what it took to make her melt.

"We may talk about it later. For now just... just take care of him. I-I'll help with the mess." Poppy scrambled away in search of a broom, while Lulu pulled a piece of cloth from under her hat and got to work. Where did it come from? Who knew. Man, that hat was useful.

By the time Poppy was back with a shovel in hands, the room was already cleaned, and the only odd thing, besides everything else in that house, was Lulu snorting some kind of green powder.

"Do I dare..?"

"EEP! No, don't worry. Just, you create a dependence, and before you know you can't feel anything anymore. Oohoho! This one kicked in quick. I am not well." For some reason, the prospect of feeling sick made Lulu... happy? She walked away, going to the kitchen to make something to immediately make herself feel better.

Man, mages were weird.

Ignoring the odd woman, Poppy took a chair from the kitchen and sat down, holding his hands.

"Please wake up soon."

A week had passed.

Lulu was finishing up washing the dishes, whistling a tune alien to Poppy's ears.

It was hard, having to leave the house, the woods, and report to the Council that her job was going well, only with a few 'unforseen issues' that were being dealt with 'as soon as possible!'. They were already doubting her, threatening to send her to Brand for a check-up. Every day she didn't bring either soul in was a day of worrying more. Did she really want to end up in Limbo? Forever forced to hammer steel and bone into shape for her superiors? Worse, be an angel of Purification, being stripped of every sensation other than pure zealous... well, she would say glory, but the more time she spent with these Yordles, the more she realized... 'fury' would describe them better.

And yet there was still something telling her to go back into the fold.

She chose not to share those issues with Lulu, even if the Sorceress could sense it.

"Poppy." The scrawny voice hissed, and the Repenter got up in a jump. Lulu's melody broke into giggling as she heard the armored giantess running to the room.

And there he was, dumbfounded and weirded out as ever.

"She's he... oh... oh..." It was impossible to not smile, for both of them. Veigar raised his hands in the air, chuckling as he walked to his own spouse, closing the door behind him and leaving the two together.

"...Yeah. I-I've been here a while, actually."

"I'm sorry for... y'know, being an idiot and... yeah."

Poppy blinked. "You're apologizing. For me. Almost killing you?"

Before he could answer, his head was resting against her soft chest, armor dissipating like it was made out of dust, Arclight sprinkling around her. "No no no, my little... my... Rumble. You're still warm."

His cheeks were bright red under his fur, and he was desperately trying to hide a boner. She smelled of gardens freshly bathed in rain. She was so cold, draining the horrible heat that was plaguing him. Her arms were so strong. "I-I've... I'm.. still uh... still... fever. It's just a fever. D-dumb yordle stuff."

"Stop saying that. Please." Her chin rested on top of his head, staring at texts in languages forbidden by the Heavens above, lost in a swarm of emotions she had barely any experiences with. "But tell me of one thing. I beg you."

"Y-yeah?"

"Did you truly mean it? Or were you simply mad by--"

Rumble pushed her away, pulling the pillow he had been sleeping on over his crotch. "Yeah uh, a-about... I... uhhh..."

"It is ok if you say you did not. Truly! I respect your choice. But I must have a concrete answer. I beg you."

"... is it going to make my hand flare up like I'm sticking it on boiling oil?"

She held his left hand with both of her own, resting her forehead against his. "I promise it will not."

"I... I can't stop thinking about it, really. I mean, I, look, I... sh...should I say everything?"

"I won't force you to. But... I'd like your thoughts, yes."

"... then I'll say... you were fucking beautiful." He winced in preparation for a pain that never came and slowly continued. "I... I've never seen anything that pretty. Like, you know, yeah, I like weird stuff. I know that much. But you were always.. really pretty? There was a reason I was hitting... uh, flirting with you ever since we met, y'know?"

"You were?" Poppy looked at the verge of tears, and the runt couldn't tell if they were of joy or sadness.

"... yeah."

His question was answered with a strong grip on his hands, followed by giggling.

"Rumble. Would... would you mind not seeing that? Anymore, I mean."

"You're... letting us go?" There was a hint of pain in his voice.

"I'm making sure I can't."

His confusion was visible, and as she let go of his hands, he let out a whimper. It wasn't burning, but... he longed for her touch once again. Already.

"I'm a fool." He giggled, taking the pillow off his lap and burying his face in it.

Lulu didn't seem to notice Poppy at first, continuing to talk about how the moss wasn't growing as healthy as it usually did this time of year. It took Veigar growling to finally make the Sorceress pick up who was sharing the kitchen with them.

"Oh! My dear! How are yo--"

"I want to fall."

Lulu's jaw hung open in the syllable she was cut off on, and even Veigar's veil faded as he lost all concentration, half-blind eyes staring wide at her.

"Uh.. Miss?" Poppy waved her hand in front of Lulu, who blinked before slowly catching herself.

"I... wow, you know, I really didn't think I had any more surprises ever since Veigar said yes. This is... exciting! You really mean that?"

"It means I will be like the Incubi, yes?"

"We can deal with your paperwork! But, you know... you know what that implies, yeah?"

"I don't. I don't care. I will have Rumble, won't I?  Then it is settled."

A few minutes passed, and now Rumble was sitting on Poppy's lap still looking rather confused by everything. Veigar fumbled furiously through a tome that exhaled the smell of sweat and burnt wood, Lulu scrambling for materials. Candles, jewels, flowers...

"Just, just tell us how."

They both stopped what they were doing, once again confused.

"RUMBLE!" Lulu spoke, dropping the materials on their table, palms extended to him like she was showing something off. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! DO IT! THAT'S THE WAY! It won't be pretty, but it's what she wants! And do it away from here, otherwise, it'll be a whooole messier process! Go, go have fun!"

The mechanic's cheeks flushed, and Poppy stared at him. "Junkyard?"

"Yeah, t-to the junkyard. Yeah."

They walked there, hands held, the mortal's heart pounding with excitement, and a smile in the Angel's face that no threat of punishment could harm.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck..." Rumble buried his face on his hands as he realized what he had for his first experience with Poppy.

A confused smile in her face appeared, staring at the old, dirty Rumble used for resting. "What's wrong?"

"I... t... w-well, you'd have to lay there, but.." He turned around, walking away very slowly. Would Tristana lend her bed for them? He couldn't just ta--

"Rumble. My Yordle."

He turned around and on the dirty cloth, Poppy laid, waiting. "This is yours, correct?"

"... yeah..."

"Then it is more than I could ever want." A pain on her chest started to grow, but she ignored it. "Come."

He was a mumbling, quivering mess as he got naked, and Poppy followed suit, the shirt and pants she wore fading away.

"What now?" It was comical, the two-feet tall fuzzball trying to find a comfortable place between Poppy's legs, this amazon with a figure built for war as much as it was made for desire. A treasure hidden under valuable materials, that were worth nothing compared to her.

It was useless. He could find no way for it to fit, and was starting to regret even feeling that way for her. She probably didn't even want it. Was this just her being nice? A trap? He was almost in the verge of tears. This isn't what he wanted. What he thought would happen, moments ago.

And all his paranoia faded as she kissed his cheek, a very cold, uncomfortable kiss, followed by a hand in his shoulder. "It might be easier for me to do it. Yes?"

He couldn't speak. He didn't dare stutter anymore, at least not now. He didn't want to ruin it. This time he wanted it. He wanted it for real. He needed her. More than any girl or guy he had in bed before. It felt like his chest would burst.

And as she sat on his lap, staring down at him, she whispered very softly. "And now, my love?"

"I... y-your... between your legs. Is it wet?"

"...The hole?"

"Ye... yes, the, the hole."

She touched it, cheeks glowing a soft waxy yellow. "It feels nice to the touch.. why does it need to be wet?"

He sighed, squirming away from beneath her. "L-lay down again, I'll, I... I'll make it wet. I-I'll try to. Otherwise it'l hurt and... I... I'm..."

"Shhh. Do what you must. I don't understand this. Please do not feel pressured. We’re both going to spend a lot of time together, yes? Then, please. Don’t be afriad.”

[puclpodcast]

PDL Week 5 Recap

PDL Week 5 Recap

We return from the bye week and each team has had an extra week of training to help them prepare for their matches. Let’s see how they did.

DEP vs. NWN: 0-6

HEH vs. BAL: 0-2

VAV vs. AUK: 0-1

BFS vs. NJJ: 6-0

TOT vs. BEN: 6-0 (Forfeit)

COG vs. SHS: 4-0

SLC vs. ITA: 2-0

NYY vs. LOL: 0-3

PIP vs. HFW: 1-0

JAX vs. DCC: 0-5

BLP vs. MIN: 0-5

MID vs. MIL: 4-0

This week featured the top 2 teams in each division going head to head in some crazy battles and at the end of it. There is only 1 team left that is undefeated. Geo and the Columbus Gallades atop the standings. This is proving to be a tougher year of PDL than anyone expected. Any team has the potential to take down any other team on the right day.

After 5 weeks of play, lets look at the top 5 on the MVP race. At the top we have Snorlax from BFS with 13 kills and only 2 deaths with a +/- of 11. The next closest is Excadrill with 9 Kills, 1 death and a +/- of 8. Following we have 3 pokemon tied with +/- of 7. Tapu koko with 8 kills 1 death, and Tornadus-T  and Vileplume with 7 Kills and 0 deaths. 7 more weeks to rack up kills and prove who is the MVP this season.

Pick’ems

This week was full of upsets and that caused most people to be less than accurate in this weeks predictions. NWN had a 3-9 upsets along with SLC 2-10, PIP 3-9 and MID 4-8. While people are learning who to pick based of previous weeks anything can happen as the closest person had 10/12 correct. Who knows maybe next week someone will get it all right.

Trades

We had a bunch of trades this week so lets see how things went down.

AUK Terrakion T1 Free Agent Weavile BLP Dhelmise T3 TOT Feraligatr TOT Feraligatr T2 BLP Dhelmise BLP Feraligatr T2 Free Agent Medicham TOT Turtonator T4 Free Agent Granbull NYY Escavalier T4 Free Agent Alolan Dugtrio HFW Honchkrow T3 Free Agent Greninja (Torrent)

  The first thing we see is TheBritishGent relapsing and making more trades to feed his addiction. In all reality we see Power being swapped for more power, and and different mons of the same type being interchanged. I know I can speak for myself when I say that, I looked at my future matchups and saw that the potential for Honchkrow to make an appearance was going to be slim so I looked for another mon that could fill his shoes and off more to my squad overall and I found that in Greninja. I think these changes could have a real impact. Nothing says scary like Weavile or hip like Alolan Dugtrio… anyways lets move on…

Interview with Lynian

This week I’m joined by the trivia master himself Lynian

Clod9: Thank you Lynian for taking the time to answer these questions for the fans. This is your big reveal into battling within PUCL, how is it going so far?

Lynian: I would like to think it’s going well! I haven’t made a complete ass of myself, at least, with some respectable wins under my belt. Adjusting to draft league has been a bit of a journey, but I think I have a good team and a solid grasp on what it can do.

C9: How did your draft go? Were you nervous?

L: I was very, very nervous. I was so nervous, in fact, that instead of typing Thundurus-I, I typed Tornadus-I. Well, what can you do? I recovered, calmed down, and the resulting Porygon-Z pick up has done wonders, so I’m quite happy with how it went. Even if DrShamu stole my Zygarde, forcing me to take Landorus.

C9: What are your goals for this season of PDL?

L: I would like to think that I’ve already accomplished them! I went into this hoping above hope that I might actually pull a single win out, and to my surprise, I’m doing much better than I expected! As we settle into the back half of the season, I think my goals are making the playoffs. I can lose the first round, but I’m going to do my damnedest to make it there.

C9: Who are most looking forward to battling this season?

L: I’m really looking forward to battling the rest of my division. So far, I’ve only fought Geo, and I don’t like the look of my 0% in-division win rate. I hope to fix that, and shortly.

C9: Is there anyone you are glad you don’t have to face in the regular season?

L: R. Sigma, Seth Vilo, DrShamu, and well, you. Sigma has an eerie amount of foresight, Shamu is just a better battler than I, Seth is a stall monster who needs to be stopped, and you are just me but better.

C9: You are also sponsoring the Create a Pokemon Competition. How did that come about?

L: About the time of the UUTC, I was looking over the tentative calendar for the year, especially all of the community events and tournaments. I realized that if someone wasn’t into Pokemon for the competitive scene (cards, battles, or badges), there really weren’t any events for them. As a fan who loves the world and collection as much or more than the actual core gameplay, this didn’t sit right with me. So, I gathered up a few cohorts, and we drafted up a plan so that people who were more into non-battle mechanics could have a chance to shine.

C9: if you had to create a Pokemon what would it be?

L: See, now it feels like I’m being evaluated on my credibility! Well, if I had to pick one of my ideas, I really like the Fire/Grass Pokemon based on pyrophytes (plants that require fire as part of their reproductive cycle) that I have made. I call it Flakseed. It looks like a tank. The other one that I liked was a Psychic/Bug Pokemon called Paramoth, based around the idea of the “butterfly effect.” It was an oversized moth with clocks as wings, and it had a unique ability that applied the crit-boosting effect of Super Luck and the effect of Serene Grace… to every Pokemon on the battlefield.

C9: Why did you choose the team name, Salt Lake Combees?

L: Well, my home state has a relative dearth of sports teams, other than the Jazz, and I couldn’t come up with a good pun for it. I settled on using the Salt Lake Bees, a minor league baseball team, as the base, but I knew another team was taking the Beedrills. Figuring that a minor league team doesn’t need a fully-evolved Pokemon, I settled on the Salt Lake Combees.

C9: Were there any secret techs that you brought for your matchups that you didn’t get to showcase?

L: I think the only secret tech that I brought that didn’t get to see any play was Sludge Wave on Tornadus on my week against Sparky. He didn’t bring any of his Fairy mons, so the tech sat unused. Tornadus also got knocked out in the match against Whimsicott before getting to set off Defog to clear her Aurora Veil, but that doesn’t feel special enough to qualify as a secret tech… Oh! Due to an unlucky crit, I never had the health to pull it off, but I did have Z-Gravity on my Landorus one week, hoping to sweep with the +Sp. Atk boost to my Earth Power.

C9: Who would you say is the mon you are most excited to use on your team this year?

L: Honestly, I have no idea. I’m genuinely excited to use two of my personal favorites in Galvantula and Porygon-Z, but part of me is just happy to see Magmar doing anything at all. NFE Pokemon are really good in this meta, man.

  C9: Let’s learn about you as a pokemon Fan. When did you start listening to PUCL?

L: It’s been just about a year, actually! I dived into the chatroom quick, and the rest is history. One thing to note, I actually listened to all of the Game Corners before I listened to a main show! I was so confused when everyone was talking about this Thatch guy. Snag loves it when I tell that story.

C9: What pokemon generation did you start with?

L: The very first video game that I owned was Pokémon Sapphire. I’m confident my mom just bought it for me when she got my GameBoy because I had watched some of the “cartoon.” Little did she know that I would play it almost exclusively, well past childhood.

C9: What is your favorite region?

L: Alola, full stop. The region was bursting with life. Every area felt distinct, but still one region. People often say that it was too “tropical” or had too little variation, but the consistency was something I found that tied it together more than bored me. Instead of “Pokémon Urban Outskirts #412”, each area felt like it fit. Not to mention the fairly great representation of Hawaii!

C9: Who is your favorite pokemon?

L: Minior, no doubts. I love the goofy little boi. When I first saw it, I was mostly unimpressed by its design, but the gimmick of the ability had me interested. Now, though, I love the swirly glasses and the candy colors! It looks like something that would fly silently, but instead makes airplane noises with its mouth (that would, of course, get muffled by the rock casing). It’s currently my phone background.

C9: If you had to pick: Attack or Special Attack?

L: Boy, oh boy, is this an interesting question. See, besides having two different stats to resist, both attacking stats are affected very differently by battle. See, Attack is a dynamic stat where Special Attack is much harder to influence. Want to boost attack? Swords Dance, Huge Power, Moxie, Defiant, or a myriad of other effects are widely available and usually influence it either by multiple stages or by being easy to trigger. Want to cripple a physical attacker? Intimidate and Burn are also widely available. The reverse is not true. Other than Snarl, how do you effectively drop Special Attack? Most moves to raise it are either rare, or specifically Calm Mind, too, so raising it is hard. All things being even, I like the consistency of Special Attack over the dramatic highs and lows of Attack.

C9: What is your battle style: Stall/Hyper Offense/Bulky Offense/Balance?

L: Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Cough* The preferred Lynian strategy is 5 sweepers and a pivot. I think that speaks for itself. I like to smash things. :3

C9: Do you prefer Speed or Trick Room?

L: My brain says Speed, but my heart says Trick Room. I think out of specific edge cases (like best boy Stakatakatkatkataktakakatkataktakaktaktaktaktaka), I prefer to have something faster than something that functions under a gimmick in general. It just sucks when your team requires the move in play and you don’t get a chance to set it up.

C9: What is your favorite Weather; Hail/Sand/Rain or Sun?

L: Hail and Sand (outside of specifically my Mono-Rock team) are horrible and I hate them. I think I prefer Sun to Rain, if only because multiple types can flourish under it, while Rain is mostly limited to Water-types. Chlorophyll, Solar Beam, and Flower Gift are some examples of Grass-types getting a nice boost, with the increased damage to Fire-moves giving them a strong edge.

C9: Electric/Misty/Grassy or Psychic Terrain?

L: The terrains are an interesting concept, but I find them more or less bland weather. Grassy Terrain’s passive healing aside, I forget they are in play half of the time. I would think Psychic Terrain is my favorite, but only because Tapu Lele not having to worry about priority is nice. I wouldn’t carry a terrain move if I could avoid it. Maybe for Draft League.

C9: Favorite status to inflict: Sleep/Freeze/Paralysis/Burn or Poison?

L: I think it’s got to be Freeze. You see it so rarely and knowing the sheer defeat that a Frozen Pokémon inflicts on its trainer is just delicious to watch.

C9: Have you watched the Pokemon anime? If yes, what is your favorite Theme song?

L: I have watched the show since I was a little kid, and I doubt there is a theme song from the show I can’t sing other than the Gen 5 ones after the first, and the English version of the Sun and Moon one (I watch subtitled episodes because I have no patience). Hard choice between Pokémon Johto and Advanced Challenge.

C9: That is all the time we have for today! Until next time, Clod-out!

from PDL Week 5 Recap