#not rlly wanting to cry but god the memories come back

[kogglyuffs]

happy 18 years to the game ever :)

[ofheroesandcrooks]

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[vampyr3wife]

Do you have any lore for your cats?

Oh do I! I actually have a full Peanut lore deep dive here …

This is gonna be very long .

Cleo lore is pretty sweet :3 when I was tiny I was OBSESSED. With cats. Every single cat. Every kind of cat. I mean obsessed… not that much has changed. But I didn’t have a kitty of my own. I begged my parents for a cat for 4 years.. My mom would walk in on me crying in bed about cats LMAO. I would sneak all of the neighborhood strays into my house.. one time my grandma almost got me a kitten for Christmas and my dad said no… HATER. But I was dreaming up a special kitty in my mind. I have vivid memories of visualizing a kitten in the sky waiting 2 be born just for me. Finally the day came when I begged my way into a petsmart kitty visiting room. Cleo was the first kitty I met and even at 8 years old I knew in an instant that she was my baby. That night we watched Pinocchio together on my little vcr and since the kitty Figaro is a boy I decided to name her Cleo after the pretty fish.. they’re both cute n bubbly n sweet! though I entertain the idea that her full name is Cleopatra since she’s so fancy. I always wonder about her life before, she has a broken crooked tail tip and a skill for opening doors. In fact, certain handle styles I have to install lock chains on or she will get out literally just to go to my bedroom window and cry for me like a baby. She doesn’t do it much anymore though, she knows if she cries I’ll open it for her lol. She is incredibly smart. She’s a very sassy girl and there’s only a handful of people she won’t show attitude to. She’s like a sweet little ragdoll with me, I can grab her n cuddle her up like a baby whenever but .. she can get pretty scary with other people n won’t let them pet her for long. She gets very jealous as well, of people and other cats. She has so many lovely little quirks, she loves when I talk in a super high squeaky voice, it makes her go crazy… she’s obsessed with the 90’s my little pony toys, she will grab them from my room and start rolling in their hair and licking it like it’s her baby.. she loves butt pats the most and always comes when I call her name. We never go long without having giant cuddle fests.. she loves 2 get all up in my face and paw at me. She’s actually cuddled up purring next 2 me as I write this :D she is my baby.. she is my soul.. my blood.. we are one.

I found The Boy, the only boy in the world, my baby baby boy, Loki boy when I was 13 at a little rescue event where they bring the kitties out. I saw his little red nose and how shy n sweet he was with the other kitties and I just fell absolutely in love with him. So again I begged. Like I was begging for my life. I even got in contact with his foster mom behind my parents backs to keep getting pics of him and find out when the next events were. Through her I learned that he was found abandoned in a box with his 2 sisters inside of a barn. He’s the bestest big and little brother ever.. he’s also the most mischievous playful boy ever. He has always reminded me of a little kitty Peter Pan but I didn’t rlly want to call him Peter so I named him after the Norse god of mischief.. Loki! I wish I could somehow show u how wonderful his heart is. He definitely has some kitty anxiety but he loves everyone and everything. He rescues Cleo whenever she’s stuck in a room by alerting me, he talks to Peanut through the door, he greets my guests, n he has had playdates with kittens. He cuddles with his toys and he loves being tucked in under blankets. He has the sweetest funniest Siamese like meow and is VERY talkative. He has an array of noises, sighs, and purrs the easiest out of all the kitties… n he gets the tail shakes when he’s excited :3 He always jumps up on his hind legs to reach my hands and he LOVES to spoon. He DEMANDS to be little spoon nightly. He’s my little wolf cat. Rabbit hearted deer hearted baby. You know that one post that’s like “the relationship between a girl and her boy cat is akin to Mary and Jesus”

[rafes-girl4ever]

All too well

 !smut!  minors dni  :   you had met bucky along time ago at a bar he smelt like whiskey and cigars you were sitting next to him on the bar stool “you here drowning your sorrows?”  he asked you in a bleak tone “pretty much” you replied trying not to cry , your boyfriend just left you and your family had left you everyone you cared about left what  were you going to do? , “whys that”  “my boyfriend left and so did m-my family” you sobbed trying to hide your face from the winter soilder, bucky barnes, he had no idea what to do “i-i umm , im sorry pls dont cry , it will be alright”   “i-im sorry , its james barnes right ?” “my names y/n”    he nodded and said  with a smirk “you can call me bucky, and by the way y/n is a cute name “ you looked at him and wiped your tears “mkk bucky it is” and you took another shot , it was now 20 mins later  “whoah dont you think you should slow down there doll”   “not a chance” you said breaking down again “whats  wrong sweets”    “he called me up again just to break me like a promise, he said if we had been closer in age  maybe that wouldve been fine and that made me wanna die bucky” you sobbed into his chest holding his shirt so tight , god why were u telling some man everything while u were drunk  but  supprisingly  bucky hugged you back   stroking  your hair and rubbing your back while he whispered “its gonna be ok i promise you doll “  “you promise bucky” you slurred  “i promise you doll ,now lets get you in my car and tell me the way to your house so we can get you into bed and ill leave once your in bed and cleaned up “   “ok Mr bucky you may take me home” you giggled . he took you outside but you were stumbling and he knew you wouldnt be able to make it to his car on foot so he lifted you until you both reached the car he gently slid you into the passanger seat  “y/n tell me where you live sweetheart” “16th avenue 718 bucky” you giggled “ok y/n sweetie we will be home soon.

1 hour later bucky made sure u got dressed in a oversized tee [he waited in the other room ] once you got yourself dressed you hear bucky re enter “hey y/n let me tuck you in and then ill leave” “no buck”  “what do mean no buck?” “p-please stay with me buck” you said with a pouty face “y/n idk” “please buck i promise ill keep a distance from you in bed “pleassseeeee”   “fineeeee” bucky grumbled  even tho deep down the idea of this was giving him butterflys, he moved the cover and got in beside you once his shoes and t shirt were off and he was left only in his boxers “are you sure this is ok y/n” “im positive buck” he grumbled and continued getting underneath the covers, soo after you began snuggling him in your sleep  , he was ok with it so he put his arms around you. “BUCKY” you moaned in your sleep , wtf did she  just moan my name bucky thought , nah i must be imagining things but then you did it again “oh bucky” you moaned , “oh god “ bucky grumbled trying to not get hard , he was trying so hard to try and not get horny  but he couldnt help it , he wouldnt do anything anything  without your consent so he picked the next best option. he got outta bed quietly a nd went to the on sweet bathroom in your room and closed the door and started rubbing his cock the memory of you moaning his name in your sleep had him so hard , he was almost finished when he heard a knock at the door  “b-bucky are you ok?” you whispered , he didnt know what to do he was still hard  “im fine y/n i promise , why dont u go to bed” he said “i cant sleep , im coming into the bathroom” you said but before bucky could awnser you burst in  “i- y/n im sorry it just you were moaning in your sleep i- im sorry you had to see me like this” you were shocked but you felt yourself growing wet “i- its ok buck rlly i umm can help you if u want” bucks jaw dropped “ rlly y/n you dont have to” “no buck i really want to” you got on your knees and look up at him and he nodded letting you know its ok , you pumped his big veiny cock in your hand twice and began licking his tip  “h-holy fuck y/n your doing so good , good girl” he said while using his hand to make a makeshift ponytail with your hair to make it easier for you “mhhh” you mumbled sending vibrations making his cock feel so good he threw his head back “omg y/n im so close” you started sucking faster “ugghhhh” he  moaned as he came “how`d  id do buck”  you asked “oh you did soo good princess but now its  your turn for pleasure” he then picked you up off of the floor and gently placed you on the counter and then he began to kneel down and take of your underwear “p-please buck please” bucky  let out a small chuckle “please what y/n” “please touch me bucky” bucky without warning shoved his fingers into your dripping. cunt “holy fuck bucky” you screamed grabbing his hair “holy hell princess, you gonna cum?” bucky asked “MHhh buck,im gonna cu-” bucky pulled his fingers out and licked them “sorry princess you cant cum yet “but” you squeaked “no buts honey i want you to cum on my dick not my fingers go it “ you nodded “ words princess “i got it buck” thats when bucky took his  cock out of his pants, holy shit bucky was huge like really big , “holy shit buck hows that gonna fit” you whimpered “ill make it fit baby” he said in a low tone “buck pls put it in me no-” before u could finish he put his long thick cock in your wet cunt “omg holy fuck Y/n your so wet” bucky groaned  “mhh bucky pls move” bucky then started moving in and out of you and he started rubbing your clit, you began to feel a familiar knot build up inside “holy hell buck i think ima cum” you whimpered “holy shit doll do you think you can hold it ima finish in just a sec i can feel it baby” “mkk buck just hurry up please” bucky began pounding into you harder to the point where your nails were digging into his back so hard there would for sure  be marks afterwards. you began to see white as your eyes rolled back into your head  “you boutta cum baby” buck asked as his orgasm began to hit and you could feel  strings of his cum stuff your sore cunt just as you began too cum to “holy fuck y/n your suck a good girl” “mhh your the best buck” you mumbled coming down from your high, it was now 30 mins later and you and bucky where both huggled next to eachother fast asleep you were gonna rember this all too well in the morning thats for sure .         all reblogs , comments and likes are appreciated <3

[the--days]

i must know what Matt Daemon AU is

This is the working title of my never-to-be-finished fanfiction Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning Daemon AU (which are my faves because I get to employ the power of Animal Facts). I know no one on earth played that game, but the basic premise is your character has died & come back to life (losing all their memories in the process), so they unlike everyone else in the world have no set destiny, and can therefore Change The Course Of Fate.

My main character's name was Matt, former kind of fucked-up spy who had IIRC been severed from her daemon pre-death. Something fucked up had happened to her anyway, my notes say:

"the like. Brainwashing that they underwent to become spies made Sparrow [Matt's Daemon] basically just An Animal. She could play pretend alright but if you spend too much time w/ her it's very... unsettling... bcos there doesn't seem to be much going on in her head. She NEVER speaks. Matt and her were rarely affectionate to one another; sort of saw their connection as an inconvenience. Which is DEEPLY unnerving to see play out. They're v good at hiding it, but in private Sparrow would attack Matt, sometimes badly, fairly often (extremely scary to witness). Some sign of how distressed and broken a state she'd been put into, and Matt would never show affection or even rlly seem to notice sparrow was there (this is maybe like-- something in Sparrow instinctively knew Matt SHOULD love her & even tho that feeling was gone she felt it's absence and attacked Matt to make her pay attn / out of the horrible fear & loneliness & violence that had been instilled in them)"

On Matt's rebirth, their connection was restored, but they had to essentially get to know one another all over again. It was fun to write, still very fond of it! Matt's this character with this silly grimdark backstory who, yk, forgot all of it (though retained the instincts & skills of her old life, she is kind of a jason bourne alike hence the WIP title lmao), & she approached life with a lot of kind of. Curiosity and joy as her character progressed, just. Genuinely enjoyed the process of re-learning about the world and herself, and getting to choose who she wanted to be. Snippet under the cut!

The door to Allestar Tower bursts open-- bursts apart, really, in a flash of noise and shower of splinters, and Agarth turns, belatedly, slow and thick and miserable with hangover, to see a woman stumble out, followed by an eagle, followed by--

Sweet gods, a troll.

Jaska is struggling upright now too, hackles bristling, and Agarth puts a hand on his daemon's back; she turns to look up at him sideways, and a flash of comfort, understanding, companionship, flows between them, easy and natural as breathing.

Agarth draws his sword. Jaska matches his pace, teeth flashing, and they charge.

The strange woman has a sword but no boots, and she weaves between the troll's attacks with an easy, obvious practice. A warrior then, of some kind, the sword an extension of her arm-- but bouncing harmlessly off the troll's stoney hide.

"Ho stranger!" Agarth calls, speeding up, cursing his night's drinking-- every step rings unpleasantly up through his skull.

The stranger doesn't turn at his call, but her daemon, just for a moment, does.

And the troll, with a sort of contemptuous ease, lifts one massive fist, and swats her down. Like a man swatting at a fly.

The stranger cries out alarm and fear and pain, red-raw, like this is the first her daemon's ever been hurt-- maybe not a soldier after all, with a reaction like that, and the troll takes ruthless advantage of her distraction.

The immense cudgel of his fist closes around her head, and he mashes her face into the ground with a wet and awful sound, and the stranger folds, just crumples up like a wet rag.

Her daemon shrieks out- rage or fear or pain- a harsh, eagle cry that shifts, somehow, warps, and then she is roaring, full voiced, and charging across the clearing in the shape of a bear, two tonnes of teeth and claws and fury, and she leaps at the troll's head, bellowing.

Agarth stops, struck dumb.  Jaska makes a growling, uncertain sound in her throat.

The troll reels away, bloody rents torn through its face, one ear hanging in limp tatters. The bear daemon falls back to the ground, shaken loose, and the stranger struggles upright, her face a mask of blood.

She pauses, just for a moment, and looks down at her daemon as though surprised.

The great shaggy bear-daemon looks back, impassive.

Above the stranger's ear, a flap of her scalp hangs loose, peeled away from the skull, and pours blood down her neck-- but she looks away from her daemon, and picks up her sword as cool as anything, no hint of the hurt, the shock, she'd shown when her daemon was struck down, and the two charge again, in step, while the troll is still reeling.

Agarth remembers himself, and belatedly sets after them again, but he's too late to be much use.

The stranger throws out her hand, and her daemon growls low and vicious, and the troll--

It undoes. Just falls apart, unspooling like a dropped skein, and the air goes thick as taffy, a bizarre golden haze falling over all like a filter on a photogram, like richest summer sunset--

And then, abruptly, it is over. And the troll is simply-- gone.

The stranger just stands there, for a moment, and then with brisk, economical movements, she sets out  cutting a strip of fabric from her shirt, and tying up the hanging rent in her scalp.

And her daemon just-- stands there. The two had fought viciously enough to defend one another, but now that the fight is over its like they're two separate people-- it's like they don't even see each other.

"Hail," Agarth says, and the stranger turns to look at him still tying up her head, no sign of surprise on her face-- no sign of anything. A cold, blank, impassive expression beneath the mask of blood.

Her nose is broken, and beside the wound in her scalp the entire left side of her face has been scraped like a hide for tanning, where the troll had ground her into the stone.

Shock, maybe, Agarth thinks. Or she's some kind of berserker.

Jaska makes a low, uncertain noise in her throat, her hackles still bristling.

Agarth, growing more uncertain by the moment, steps forward, and offers his hand. "You're injured, I see! allow me to--"

And the stranger's daemon growls, and changes shape into a monkey quick as lightning, scrambling up the stranger's shoulder to fix the bandage herself.

The stranger looks at her daemon, obviously surprised, and then shrugs, and looks to Agarth. "Matt," she says, gesturing to herself. "Where are we?"

[maurenislife]

Andrew tate is insightful for the wrong reasons.

Sinful p

Life and scars

Shid the list go on, kevin Samuels…

Its a lens into how men think and operate

They at odds w/ what system they have built against us women they continue to uphold the hypocrisy.

They want the madonna and the mary all at once cause they cannot sort through how that even works.

I am at my rope actually cause this didnt work n i prayed n i tried being as bare bones as possible it hurt me but now its like a bruise ik he aint coming back n i kinda dont care for the reason is ^^^

Those men are insightful leading me into a mans brain where all the thoughts are on a playground corresponding with eachother

Each archetype playing together in harmony or leavin the others on the bench to watch play….

Its semi easy to decipher where a man head at cause youll always know your destination and place as a woman

“Eventually the trash or a memory”

Then women who get married are now

Property, or if u have a nigga baby you are property too.

If you are his significant other you will eventually become a memory or replaced

Cycle continues,

Nobody better than anybody,

Upgrade or downgrade

Pretty or ugly sex good or bad it honestly doesnt matter who gets my spot when i leave, cause most women lie to keep men around, if it was the truth what more is their 2 uncover and soon what rlly is there to like or love about you?

You are on the way out as soon as u fully step in, so enjoy ur time hold him tight cause it will all be over!

Idk how i made it almost 3 years with a man

He rlly did love my guts, i was just so hateful inside. I thought a boyfriend is what i wanted cause i never had one

I loved him too i just wanted to go be free, i hated the questions about my life n why im like this why i gotta change, i was suppressing myself cause i wanted something normal like to spend holidays w

Start a family w, until we would fight n im like why tf i wanna go thru all this just to say i got a nigga ?

Im crying in our closet watching sermons at the time i was still mildly religious

Im like god plz come save me plzzz

And he never did i had to save myself put my cats life at risk put my life and his at risk all to call it quits nobody says how traumatic it is when somebody suicidal u gotta break up w dem u look so evil n im not evil

At 25 i can truly say WHAT IN THE FUCK 🤣

[dal22nd]

no rlly, to my twin? soulmate? enemy?

hi baby!!! did ya miss me!!!

yeah, look... i bet ur ass watched the video below first out of curiosity (or not?) but hey!!! i'll try keep it brief and short like a sbar for u, bbg...

i just thought i'd kinda crossover with a tumblr blog, yanno... since we don't rlly aff anymore and so all i could do is fucking make a tumblr blog abruptly to compensate for how stupid i was last year for fucking up ur birthday when U literally make it in time every SINGLE time??? bro... i... am still dwelling over that...

but...

happy 22nd birthday, dalena!!! <3333 ur finally old, like actually old??? and knowing u, i bet ur extremely excited for the new events and challenges to find u, like i bet ur ass is about to explode in excitement like yeah!!! come at me, 22!!! u piece of shit!!! i'm gonna be rich at the age of 22!!@@@@@@!! ok, but in all seriousness, we're spending ur second birthday together!!! <: i'm so glad we made it so far, but i'm also dumbfounded yet pleasantly surprised at how it's ONLY been two years??? it feels like more, but looking back at the memories we made makes it feels like it's too less??? if that makes sense??? replaying our old videos and reminiscing our old photos made me realise how much more i'd love to stick by u and do more dumb yet cute things together??? i want to explore parts of the world with u with laughs and giggles like we always do, and even go on dates with our future boyfies together one day... like there's just so much to accomplish and left to do with u, and i'm so honoured and happy to have somebody to do everything with!!! i think i'm incredibly lucky to just have u come across my mind immediately when i think of wanting to do things, because i know so many people who lack that particular person in their lives,,, sure, it can be their significant other or a member of their family but truly, i believe that a friendship like ours is quite rare and special?? if i could flex something of mine, u would literally be the first thing (yeah, thing) without a doubt,,, <3

i've always shielded myself from judgement by feigning nonchalance most times (as u would know.. or gaslight..) and never really disclosed details about myself or inner feelings to anyone out there, which includes my family, but towards u???? i feel exposed at times to the point it makes me trip over me and my own deep thoughts; but i've always concluded that it's never actually a bad feeling, it's more so a foreign feeling... i would've never chose to do this alone, but it's because u!!! are the person who drew me out to be more true about myself!!! u hold the capability of doing so because you've grown up that way, u observe carefully and ask what's right and know what's right---you're intelligent, u read people and ur confident about urself, hence why ur able to do such magical things---like sure, i don't hold any power to stamp and validate the fact that this is the exact reason why u are the definition of perfection, etcetera, but i strongly think that's the essence to why i'm unknowingly happy to open up towards u, and i'm sure it's not just me who feels this way anyway?? i exaggerate it all the time, but i'm never too fancy with words irl nor am i as expressive irl, i just fucking cry like a mf pussy and call it a day since i'm poor at mustering and conveying my thoughts as whole when i'm put into the situation... idk if anything i said makes sense, but whenever i'm facing an opportunity to be more truthful towards u, that's the first thing i always want to mention (man.. ur gonna see how many times i'm repeating this shit after seeing smth else later..)

also, not to mention, ur so god damn giving??? is that a fucking word??? generous??? yeah??? humble??? u never fail to amaze me when ur acting upon smth, ur always taking a step ahead of others and never doing anything that makes u look petty whatsoever?? u take initiative and demonstrate what a good deed is, and sometimes i can't help but to feel little when u live up to doing something so generous and nice,,, i think abt how i should repay u and also how i can thank u except ur always going ???wtf u gay ass cockroach??? but really, i never stopped thinking this ever since i met u cus like... who tf buys a total stranger (who could literally be a fucking murderer in disguise) a hoodie, two albums and food at first encounter??? like i tell u now, if i can tell my child about my most shocked moments in life, that'd have to be one... i know u always make urself up to be not the kindest person, but to me ur literally top notch when it comes to consideration and kindness---like how ur always taking a step forward to take care of me in all situations, giving me a listening ear at all times, making sure i'm always safe, accompanying me to places, driving me back home, agreeing to any idea i have and being happy for anything i achieve---you're a bundle of positive energy anyone would love, it's just that the only problem is that no one truly deserves you unless they're fucking godly or smth... (inner thought: am i god?) see.. like ur so fucking nice to the point i occasionally think,,, are we rlly that similar or is she just fucking matching up w me to make it look like we're similar cus she's just that fucking nice??? LIKE GAWD.... i mean... i hope it's not that...

ok, jfc, i feel like i'm actually going to babble all day long so i need to pack my shit up and realise this day isn't going on for the rest of the year... to sum everything up tho, i really really really appreciate you, dalena!!! like so much, and i cherish u a whole lot more than anyone---i can't imagine how boring life would be without u now, and ur literally my ride to die atp... i apologise in advance for thinking of u so highly cus now i feel like u might be like GAWD... there's a fucking parasite on me... how do i cut ties... but yeah, now i need to fucking find a man that's as compatible to me like u are which is gonna be a whole fucking challenge, huh :)))) </3 but REALLY REALLY, i'm not the ***best*** friend nor am i as considerate as u, but i hope i' haven't been too fucking dumb and immature i'm bearable to have around on days u feel like u just want a friend to hang with, hehe... T_T <333 i love love love u, ma angel...

from... ur dad (aru)

[nameless-shrimp]

A BAD ARGUMENT || OSAMU DAZAI

PAIRING: Osamu Dazai x GN! Reader

TYPE: one-shot

WORD COUNT: 2k

WARNINGS: angst to extreme fluff, yelling, arguments, swearing

REQUEST: HIII!! can i ask for a scenario of dazai and his s/o getting into a rlly bad argument that he ends up just leaving and comes back home to see his s/o crying on the floor and mumbling for him to come back home safe

AUTHOR'S NOTE: here you go! this made me happy to write, not gonna lie. the ending makes me happy, at least, haha. i hope you enjoy!

What you knew about yourself was that you didn’t like to go to bed on bad notes; the kind of arguments that lingered in your mind for days until you felt dread and worry tickle your bones in the most unsettling ways, yet when it came to relationships, you knew that disagreements were one thing—but arguments were another.

So when it came to you, raising your voice at your lover who was doing the exact same thing towards you over a fumbling topic and it practically felt like your heart was about to escape your heaving chest, it was a terrifying situation to be in. Because Dazai never raised his voice at you—ever, and he swore that he’d avoid yelling as much as possible since the worst reaction to get out of you would’ve been your flinches and scared expressions.

Instant regret swallowed you whole; you were drowning, and the waves were heavy on you. Dazai shook his head, placing a palm on his forehead angrily before darting past you as you stood there in shock. Legs were still and arms were numb. Frozen. He had yelled at you—but he had a reason to, or so you thought, because there was too much pent-up anger between the both of you and it was terrifying at the same time.

You rarely argued with your lover, and you were aware of the usual disagreements, but this was different. And with the fiddling of the keys behind you, you turned around, watching his movements as his footsteps were stomping to the edge of your ears.

“Wh—where are you going?” You asked, eyes widening.

“Out.”

And that was all he said before opening the front door, slamming it shut behind him. This was new. Dazai never acted this way around you, nor have you both ever experienced such tension like this. Usually, you were welcomed with arms wide open when he got home, branched out as you fit perfectly close to his chest—the usual smell of faded dust and cheap cologne that you still adored—and you were blanketed under the sheets together.

However, when he raised his voice at you, he was yelling. Part of you wondered if the moment was even real. Because his voice echoed throughout your ears. It was an unbearable sin, an act that was not done before yet it had been accomplished somehow, and Dazai was angry.

It scared you, leaving you shaken up in the apartment that you both shared. You glanced over to the frame on the dresser next to the front where it had both of your figures, exchanging vibrant smiles in casual outfits outside of the Agency building he worked at. Such happy memories danced in your mind, and you almost choked on your breath.

‘Is he thinking about leaving me?’ You thought, and you shook your head, not wanting to dwell too much on the negativity that pooled in your mind but then again, it was hard to not think about losing your lover over one argument, and God, this was a whole new experience for both of you.

You didn’t hesitate and you grabbed onto the spare key dangling on the wall, quickly throwing on a nearby hoodie, and then dashed outside of the front door. Your breaths were heavy and you hurled down the stairs in a flash. First floor of the apartment building. And you made a run outside, eyeing the streets in front of you.

The city lights glowed beautifully, but you didn’t care. Because after passing by every alleyway, eyeing the darkness that unfolded within them as you could basically rewind the memory of your argument in your head—Dazai’s loud voice echoed. Midnight lightning bolts; it pained your heart. Electrifying it in ways that you didn’t even know was possible. And you clutched your hand to your chest, protecting your figure from the nearby strangers with phones tucked in their hands.

“I’m sorry…” you murmured under your breath, attempting to avoid crying in public. But after a good hour of walking around aimlessly, nearly tumbling on sidewalks from the overpowering fear of losing your lover after one argument, you had to make your way back home.

And the apartment had that scent of freshly washed sheets. Lavender. The typical detergent that Dazai would buy because he didn’t really care too much about how good the bedsheets would smell. And your face made contact with the pillows. However, you began to burst; tears dripped from your squinted eyes, burrowing your face into the pillows as if you were trying to keep your existence from popping up in the world.

“I’m sorry…” you cried again into the pillow, holding onto it as if it were Dazai. Arms wrapped around his tall, lanky figure and you wanted to feel his arms wrap around your waist protectively. Soft, gentle breaths tickling your skin. Those pure moments of affection you had with him. And you wanted that so badly, but he wasn’t here.

The night was long, and you had tried to force yourself to sleep but you wanted to keep your eyes awake in case that he would return at any moment. But it had been about a few hours at this point—the longest he had been gone from any disagreement, and suddenly, you began to worry. Because he wasn’t trying to kill himself, was he?

It hit your heart hard, and you glanced at the clock. It was past two in the morning. You hated the feeling of not having your lover’s presence by your side. Maybe you could’ve called a friend to help you calm down, but part of you didn’t want to disturb anyone, and instead, you decided to bask in the emotions whirling in your head on your own. Because he wasn’t home yet.

“Come back home, please,” you whispered to yourself, tasting the tears that were pooling your mouth. “Please be safe.”

But your heart nearly sank in fear once you heard keys jiggling on the other end, and you knew the signal all too well. Dazai was home. Home. And you hugged your knees to your chest worriedly. Part of you was preparing for an immediate breakup; you were already bracing for the impact. A deer in headlights—that’s what you were, and then you were going to be hit. Yeah. That’s how you felt.

His footsteps were heard from the other room. You knew he entered the apartment. They were softer this time; no loud stomps that made it seem like the apartment shook. You gulped and kept your head down, trying to muffle the faint cries of worry that escaped your lips. It was hard not to cry at this time.

You heard the bedroom door open, and you weren’t sure if he was standing still, watching you—but it wasn’t long until you felt a shift change on the bed and his arms were gently wrapped around your waist, feeling your back being pulled closer to his chest.

“Shhh,” Dazai’s gentle voice shushed you and you felt like crying harder this time. “It’s okay, baby. It’s oka—”

“You’re safe,” you cried out, louder than you expected, and you felt his grip on you tighten. “You’re okay. I thought you—I was worried you were—”

“I’m okay, my love,” he whispered close to your ear before he placed his hands on your shoulders. He edged your position a bit and had you move close to his chest, face resting close to his neck as he kept his arms snaked around your waist. Dazai pulled you in closer. You felt him rock back and forth soothingly. “I made it back. Don’t worry.”

“Do you hate me?” You asked, sniffling.

Dazai’s eyes widened at your question. “What? No, baby, I don’t hate you.”

“Do—do you want to break up?”

“Baby, no, wha—”

“I’m sorry!” You apologized, ripping the sentence out no matter how painfully the words stung. It wasn’t that you feared having to apologize to him, but you were just scared. You weren’t sure if he was ever going to come back home or if he suddenly despised your guts and was going to call off all contact with you; heart sinking at the thought, you continued to sob. “I’m sorry Dazai, I am really sorry.”

“Love, it’s okay,” you felt his lips kiss your forehead and his thumb stroking your damp cheeks. He wiped your tears away and then continued to rock back and forth carefully as if one soft movement was going to snap your heartstrings. “I know. I’m sorry too. I’m so fucking sorry for yelling at you, baby.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he sighed deeply. “Me too.”

You pushed your face closer to his chest. Your tears were dampening his shirt, but that didn’t matter, because the large tan coat he wore was warming you up enough to make you feel more comfortable in the position you were in. “I was so scared you left…” your voice trailed. Cries were calming down, slightly; a wave that was softening in the water. “I thought you were going to do something to yourself or that you were going to leave me…”

“My love,” he chuckled, kissing your forehead once more before he placed both of his palms on your cheeks and forced you to make eye contact with him. You felt relief after seeing the soft smile on his lips; eyes squinting alongside the light from the outside that was shielded by the curtains. “I never want to leave you. You’re everything to me.”

You blinked, a few tears began to leave your reddened eyes. “But—”

“We’re going to have arguments, love,” Dazai said. “I don’t want that to happen but it’s going to happen. But no matter what, you’re still the most beautiful person to me and I don’t plan on leaving my precious angel anytime soon.”

“Didn’t I make you mad?”

“We both made each other mad, sweetheart,” you felt his nose against your cheek, and you nearly squirmed in his tight grip from that. Part of you pleaded for him to stop tickling you but Dazai continued to sprinkle kisses on your face. “Especially you getting mad at me! I must drive you crazy, huh?”

“Da—Dazai!” You cried out his name with a chuckle leaving your lips; his nose buried into your cheek further. “Stop!”

“No, you owe me for yelling at me!” He moved his nose further down to your neck, continuing to nuzzle his lips onto your skin, peppering you with his continuous kisses as he grinned at the chuckles slipping through your lips. “That was scary, my love! The sight of my sweetheart raising their voice at me! I cannot believe such horror!”

“Dazai!”

“Baby! Don’t ever yell at me like that again!” Dazai playfully cried, hands now gripping on your arms as he swayed you back and forth and a pout was painted on his lips; bottom lip trembling and you nearly twitched an eyebrow at the sight. “It was soooo scary!”

“You’re so weird,” you shook your head after he stopped swaying you. You wiped your eyes, sniffling slightly. “I’m really sorry, though.”

“I know, my love,” he placed a gentle finger on your cheek. “I love you so much. I’m not going to leave that easily, you know that?”

You nodded. “I do now.”

He leaned in to place a soft kiss on your lips; relief washed over you fast. A gentle tidal wave. Ocean blues that had its soft calming azure hues. And you were continuing to feel warmth grow in your heart. “I love you, my angel,” Dazai murmured against your lips. “We’re mature enough here. Let’s talk, alright?”

You smiled at him, slowly intertwining your fingers together. “Yeah.”

“But please, don’t yell at me again! I was sooo—”

You had to whack him on the forehead for that.

Idiot.

tags: @whorefordazai @tender-rosiey @internetkilledtheroxstar @sadcannibal @bsdparadise @pompompurin1028 @dazais-osamu @tetsustation @milky-toast @missrown @requiem626k @jessbeinme15

[hintofelation99]

Sick day headcannons!!!!!!!

Hell yeah, I do have a post on this already (linked here) but sick day headcanons are some of my favs so let’s do some more! (Just btw there will be some repeats but that just means I rlly like that headcanon)

Dick

Dick: Oh no, god no!

Wally: What’s wrong?!

Dick: I’m dying!

Wally, suspicious: Okay…

Dick: Please Wally this is serious, I need help!

Wally, deciding to take Dick seriously: Okay, what’s wrong? What do you need?

Dick: Just a coffin. Made of maple- no oak! And roses, preferably white, oh or blue! With baby’s breath. And-

Wally: Dick, what’s wrong?!

Dick: I burnt the roof of my mouth.

Wally leaves.

A good rule of thumb for Dick is the more dramatic he is the less serious the situation. The less dramatic he is the more serious the situation.

He will go into work with a cold and complain the entire day.

If he has something serious that’s contagious he’ll call in sick but just say it’s a slight stomach bug.

If it’s not contagious he will act like everything is completely fine.

One time he did this after getting an injury on patrol and ended up passing out and spending that night and the next day in the ICU.

He has become a bit more responsible over the years, mainly bc he thinks it’s adorable how sweet and cuddly Damian gets.

His favorite sick day activity is eating junk food and watching rom coms under a fuzzy blanket .

Babs

Dick: Please go to bed!

Babs: I am, I am, just one more line of code.

Dick: You’ve said that for the last three hours!

Babs tries to relax when sick but she has trouble actually taking a step back to rest.

Most of the time she’ll take a nightquil then get distracted by something and ends up falling asleep in front of her screen.

Usually Cass or Steph will come over and take care of her.

Steph always makes the best comfort food. And usually Cass will tuck Babs into bed.

Babs loves dozing on the couch to the sound of Cass and Steph laughing in the kitchen as they make her soup.

If Cass and Steph can’t come over she loves talking to them over discord while eating take out. Usually she and Cass just listen to Steph babble or she watches on of them stream something.

She also usually ends up falling asleep.

Jason

Bruce: Are you sick?

Jason: I’m legally dead.

Bruce: That doesn’t-

Jason: So,legally, no. I am not sick.

Jason will forever and always argue that he can’t get sick since he already died.

When he was little he was rarely able to get extra rest when he was sick. Because when he was really little he wanted to go to school to avoid Willis. After Catherine died he was too busy just trying to survive to focus on being healthy.

But when Catherine was alive and Willis was away Jason would stay home from school, and if Catherine was sober she would read to him and sing lullabies. This only happened like twice but Jason cherishes those memories of Catherine.

As a kid if he was ever sent home for being sick he’d get in huge trouble with Willis.

After being adopted the first time he was sent home with a fever he begged Alfred not to tell Bruce and hid in his closet until he stopped crying being sad. Alfred sat by the closet door with soup, a grilled cheese, and tea, reading The Princess Bride aloud until Jason came out. It took two hours.

Jason’s favorite sick day activity is drinking tea and rereading The Princess Bride (with the movie playing quietly in the background) while wearing his Wonder Woman hoodie.

Cass

Steph: Cass why are you patrolling while sick?!

Cass shrugs.

Steph, with a sigh: You’re allowed to take a sick day, okay?

Cass looks unsure but nods.

Steph: C’mon, let’s get you a bath and fuzzy blankets.

Cass forgets that she’s not just a weapon/tool. She forgets that she’s allowed to rest when sick.

Because of this she will keep going no matter what and tends to view ‘taking a sick day’ as a failure.

Steph, Tim, and Babs have been working on this with her. She’s improved a lot now that Tim lost his spleen and gets sick easily.

Now usually Steph cooks for her while Babs lays with her.

Cass isn’t against taking medicine but she never feels like the situation is severe enough to require medication. So someone in the fam has to convince her to take her meds.

She becomes extremely cuddly when sick and will cling to anyone near her.

Her favorite sick day activity is watching old horror movies with Steph or Babs.

Steph

Steph: I’m fine.

Steph: I’m fine.

Steph: I’m fine.

Steph: I’m- I have a fever of 104, I should rest.

Stephs mom is a doctor, so she’s used to being told “it’s just a cold, you’re fine”.

Usually she keeps going until she can’t then sleeps for like three days.

But it’s less out of stubbornness and more out of habit. So if someone tells her to rest she’s immediately like “okay!” and takes the sick day.

Babs always calls or comes over to check on her every day that she’s sick.

Cass has been learning how to cook and loves making Steph food when she’s sick.

Tim used to come over but now he always calls.

Stephs favorite sick day activity is sleeping with an ice pack or heating pad, depending on the sickness, with a giant cup of ginger ale and Cass curled up beside her.

Tim

Jason: Tim, are you sick?

Tim, tiredly staring at case files: No I-

Tim is interrupted by a violent coughing fit.

Tim: Oh, I guess I am?

Growing up Tim loved getting sick because it meant the house keeper would come over and take care of him and he might even get a hug.

But she stopped coming over when Tim was ten, his parents thought he was old enough to handle being sick on his own.

Sick days in the manor were a shock to him because he was rarely alone, there was always one family member by his side.

Now that he’s immunocompromised he’s always surrounded by people, he pretends to get annoyed with it but really he loves how much they care.

Dick always sings Romani lullabies and runs his fingers through Tim’s hair. Jason, Duke, and Steph will cook for him. Damian stay by his side and bring him tea. Babs will play video games with him. And Cass does a bit of everything, at least everything other than sing to him.

The family also takes Tim getting sick very seriously so if they here one cough he’s immediately being interrogated and getting his temperature checked.

Tim’s favorite sick day activity is laying under a weighted blanket with a cup of tea and playing video games with Babs, Steph, Duke, and Cass.

Duke

Dick, knocking on Duke’s door: Hey bud, why are you still in bed? I thought we were training together?

Duke: Sorry, I forgot to cancel. I’m sick and don’t think I can handle training today.

Dick: You’re sick?!

Duke: Yeah, but don’t worry I’ve been disinfecting and cleaning so no one else should get sick.

Dick: I’m not worried about getting sick, I’m worried about you!

Duke: …oh, okay.

Growing up sick days were spent at home either resting alone or with one of his parents.

He had to do some fending for himself (like cleaning and making food when his parents weren’t home with him) but nothing extreme or unexpected. So, overall he had pretty normal sick days.

After he parents went missing he was so focused on getting them back and saving them that he never stopped to rest when sick.

Now as a member of the Wayne family his sick days are always spent with someone by his side, at least they are if he tells the family he’s sick.

He’s gotten in trouble several times for not telling Alfred/the family that’s he’s sick. Not because he puts Tim at risk, he like all the family is very cautious about that, but because everyone worries about him and wants to help take care of him.

After several lectures from Alfred he’s finally getting better about telling the family when he’s sick.

His favorite sick day activity is reading Jason’s copy of The Princess Bride while having a bowl of Alfred’s chicken noodle soup.

Damian

Jason: Are you sick?

Damian: N-

Damian sneezes like a kitten.

Damian: No.

Cass, smiling: Sick baby brother, cute sneeze.

Damian tries to be offended but ends up having a sneezing fit.

Steph: That’s so adorable!!

Damian has the most adorable sneezes. He literally sounds like a kitten and the entire family and hero community finds it adorable. Damian hates it.

He used to try and pretend he wasn’t sick and just work through it.

Then he sneezes in front of Harley and Ivy and they cooed over him for an hour.

Now he grumpily secluded himself in his room when sick.

Usually the family will check on him and find that Jon flew over and they’re cuddling on his bed watching cartoons.

When Damian’s sick he really craves spicy food. Like everything he eats he’ll add hot sauce or pepper to. His food is so spicy that only Cass can handle it, like it makes ghost peppers look like child’s play.

His favorite sick day activity is drinking masala chai under one of Tim’s fuzzy blankets while wearing Dick’s old hoodies and surrounding himself with various soft things he stole from his siblings. This is preferably done while eating spicy tomato or lentil soup and watching cartoons with Jon.

[usedbirdsacks]

ok I have a fun lil ramble abt 7k that I don’t think I’m up for drawing anytime soon so. here we go

basically the ole Hugo finds Varian’s old wanted poster thing happens. Hugo brings it up to Varian who quickly gets defensive and tells him to drop it. Hugo’s weirded out but sees how upset Varian is and leaves the subject alone.

Later on they get stuck in a trial where they are confronted by clones of the people they hate the most who they have to battle, and Varian’s awkwardly enough is a younger version of himself. Varian loses the fight against his clone and passes out, now trapped in the bad memories of his younger life. Hugo Nuru and Yong all rush over to him after beating their own hate n fear and see a glowing light emitting from him. The three debate what to do for awhile before Hugo volunteers to touch the light. As soon as he does, he’s pulled into Varian’s memories as well. The first memory he sees is younger Varian sobbing over his father incased in the amber, and it progresses onto Varian’s descent into darkness. Eventually it all winds back to Quirin in the amber, but instead of his younger self, it’s current Varian crying in front of the amber. Hugo approaches him and is like.. Hey googles- n Varian through the tears is like, god now you’ve seen everything I’ve done. How I’m a monster. And I couldn’t even tell you myself- you had to see it through some stupid magic memory thing.

Hugo rests his hand on Varian’s shoulder and is like. What I saw was a scared, very lost and very alone child. Not a monster.

Varian tells Hugo how much he hated everyone during that time in his life, and how at points he genuinely just wanted to hurt people. He was selfish and didn’t know how to fix all the pain /he/ caused. So he spiraled.

Hugo rests assures that from what he saw it’s very clear that everyone has forgiven him, and the only person still holding onto this is himself. Varian retaliates with how people are still scared of him and feel like they have to walk on eggshells around him to keep him from blowing up. And that maybe they are right to feel that way.

Hugo gives a vauge story about his own life to relate to Varians (in reality he’s talking about his soon to come betrayal but using it to reflect on how people can change) n then he goes into a little ramble about their journey so far, and all the incredible ways Varian has led them, and what Hugo really sees in him. And what the rest of the crew sees in him as well. Varian bursts back into tears and Hugo pulls him in for a hug. The two sit in silence for a moment before Hugo says some whitty remark and Varian gives a lil shaky laugh, the two let go of their hug and Varian stands up and turns back around the the amber where his younger self has reappeared, crying for his dad. Varian bends down and envelops his younger self in a hug. The dream world around them slowly starts to dissolve and the two pop back into reality. Nuru and Yong are relieved and pull the two into a group hug. Varian tears up again, realizing how much he is loved by these people, for who he is. Varian decides to tell Nuru and Yong the truth about his younger life and get all secrets off the board. They obviously forgive him for what he’s done and tell them how they’ll love him no matter what. The group has a cute little bonding moment and goes to sleep. It cuts to Hugo being unable to sleep n reflecting by himself on his own betrayal and how he doesn’t want to go through with it anymore, but being to afraid to cut things off with Donella. He looks at Varian who is sleeping and gives him a soft smile, before sighing and deciding he will deal with this soon enough, before anyone can find out.

aneways that’s all. hehe. I cant write so I just have to outline things or draw them. N I’m not drawing all of this. also this is pre relationship?? but I think while Hugo was telling Varian how great he Rlly is he was like oh my god I really do care about this guy a LOT. deedrdyhtxQcryv

[levisgirll]

hi cutie! 💖🥺

i got request for u because i know you'll make an awesome work 🥺 what about Levi's marriage proporsal headcanons/fic? i just thought he will be so sweet~ :D

you don't have to do them if you don't want to!~

take care mina, have a good day 💖🥺✨

𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢'𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

text: Heya An 🥺 tysm for your sweet words and for this amazing request!! and I would GLADY do this request :,) (i rlly hope you like it 💖) Also have a great day!! and make sure to take care of yourself, love you! ✨. this really gave me feels writing this i-

synopsis: Levi has decided to propose to Y/N after such a long tough journey and finally out of the walls. The end of the battle and the war. He wanted to live outside the walls with his only special Y/N. How will he proposal Y/N though? And how will he act?

soft & cute fluff, modern au ♡ —

Finally...Levi is going to do it 'Today'. No more backing away. He had it all planned out and everything. Why was he still...hesitant?

"I wonder how Y/N will react....will they even like the ring I got for them..?" Levi said as he was hold the ring box and looking at it.

'Wait....Will they even say yes?' He put it back on the drawer and start pacing around.

'Ugh...I cant believe this...I am actually being nervous? Fuck...I find killing 40 titans at the same time way easier than this...so much for used to being called humanity's 'strongest' solider'. Fucking hell.'

He stopped, and turned around. 'No...If I don't then someone will take Y/N away from me.' That got him back up and he finally took out the ring box he had there for a month now. He will do it. Today.

Levi is such a private man and he loves that only between you guys. Not really a big fan with bringing everyone together and all, he couldn't even think words clearly when he looks at you and stutters, so how will he do that with EVERYONE here while proposing and saying what he thinks his ‘cliché’ speech? Hell no.

He wanted it to be so special. He wanted to remember this memory and grave that in both of your minds. He was going to propose to his lover this evening.

He had the idea already figured out, and it took him around a month to prepare it and get it perfect. He was doing this all while seeing you everyday, and had to try and hide it from you. Which kind of made you a bit of suspicious. He would usually go out during the afternoon to that 'same' expensive ring shop and stand there for 3 hours trying to pick the perfect ring.

"Um...Sir, I can help you if you would like?" The retail assistant would say as she approached Levi who had such a serious look, as if he was making a life or death decision. "No. I need to pick this, cant be someone else." He would say and his eyes glued to the collection of beautiful rings. He takes a long time to buy that ring just for 'you' that day. Nothing but full of his love all poured into it as he finally picked one.

He called up the people to set up and get ready with the preparation today at 10pm.

After he hanged up, he went to his contacts and pressed 'My Dearest'.

Y/N picked up, “H-Hey Love, how are you hm?" Shit. Why did I fucking stutter, I hate my life. He would say cursing himself under his breathe.

You picked that up, and started to chuckle which made his heart flutter. "I'm alright love! Just out with Sasha and Christa shopping....Is something wrong?"

Levi: "No. Can I see you tonight at 10pm? I will pick you up." Please say yes for this....

"Hmm...Yup sure! See you then, Love you!" You said that so cheerfully that he wanted to see you 'now' and hold you.

"Great. I love you too Y/N." He said that and he was holding his phone so tightly. This is it.

It was 10pm, and Levi has picked you up. You looked so amazing and beautiful to him, that he just stood there and gazed at you so lovely, losing his focus.

You started to blush, "Levi..." you said as you waved your hand at him.

"Oh...Um...You look gorgeous." Fuck Levi why do you keep messing up, I haven't even take them there yet.

Levi then took you to one of the top 10 hotels that they had, but this one was special. It was a beach resort hotel! When you both got in to check in, everything was made in glass, sparkling everywhere. But you were the one sparkling beautifully to him.

"Oh my god Levi...I did not expect this! If you told me we were going to a beach resort I would have dressed up so pretty."

“Tch, dont be silly. You are already pretty.." He said that as his cheeks had a faint red blush.

As you guys checked in, you sat and laid on the bed on your back. “Hmm, so what is the occasion Levi?" You go straight to the point which got him off guard. Of course you would ask.

"Nothing, Just that I remembered you wanted to come here so I decided to take us both here today" His heart was now racing. He was actually going to do it. You looked outside and saw the beautiful beach shore.

“Oh lets go check it out!!". You got excited and got up from the bed.

“No! Not now...lets get comfortable and change. I even bought you a gift. If you want to wear it...and we can head to the beach shore, Hm? Ill see you there.”

Weird. Levi would always go to places with you and he has always waited for you, but today was different.

As you changed to the outfit Levi bought for you, you went towards the sliding glass door to open it and stepped outside to find Levi.

As you stepped outside and wore the sandals that was there, you headed  towards the beach shore which was kind of dark. Not much lights.

“L-Levi..!!” You yelled out, a bit nervous. As soon as you called out his name, lights started to brighten as you were approaching the shore and you see beautiful decorations that was hanged up, full of beautiful roses, lilies and others that were glooming with the light.

You see Levi standing by the shore, and he turned around. “Y/N.”

He called out your name instead of ‘love’ which meant that he was serious.

You started to get worried. What's going on? You stopped and stood beside him looking at him.

“Remember...When we first saw the ocean...and first stood at the beach shore.” He said that as his grey eyes were looking at the waves that were driven by the wind so calmly.

“Yea...I do remember it clearly. It was one of my best moments.”

He continued. “We...won, and some of our comrades survived, but...we did it and got through it and I am glad you are here alive with me.” He started to sound....sad? “I never expected this new lifestyle and to be honest, I am glad I am living it with you by my side....You.” He stopped and turned around to look at you. “Stood by my side till the end Y/N, and believed in me, but...not only that but you also saw me as a human being while everyone thought I was heartless. You gave me hope, and you started to make me feel that I deserved to be loved, and I don't think anyone would have made me feel like this if it wasn't for you.”

You stood there so startled, you eyes started to widen. Is Levi really saying this all...? You knew he was a bit talkative with you only but, this....this is different.

Levi then took out what looked like a seashell..? He was looking at it then, handed it over to you.

“Oh wow, this is so pretty!” You said amazed by how it looked and you looked back at Levi.

“Levi, Thank you for your sweet words...I am so happy hearing that from you.” You said while holding on to it, you couldn't stop smiling.

Fuck just say it Levi. “Y/N, I know I have been the hardest to love....so I want to recreate this beach shore memory with asking you something....”

As he was saying that you noticed the seashell, could open? So you did that...and you saw a beautiful diamond ring shining. You froze.

He held your free hand with both of his warm hands and caressed it, “Y/N, will you...m-marry me?” He said that as he looked directly to your eyes that was open up.

Silence. This made Levi worry so much. He looked down but then noticed tears dripping, which made him look back at you so quickly and you started tearing up as the wind started to blow your hair and the ocean waves crashing.

“Yes...I want to be your Mrs. Ackerman. I want to live the rest of my life with you!!” You said that while crying and this made Levi panic, and he quickly hugged you, covering you with his muscular arms and....he started to cry with you too.

“Y/N, thank you. I won’t fail you, I can’t wait to have moments like this for the rest of our lives.” He went back, and looked at your beautiful face, and proceed to kiss your forehead so lovely.

“Y/N!!! Levi!!” You both got startled and looked to the other side and you saw...all of your friends!

“Oh my god....guys!” You saw everyone from Levi’s squad including Hanji who was screaming out your names and all your friends started to run towards you guys.

You then noticed, the whole beach shore started to brighten and you saw beautiful wedding decorations hanged up, heart balloons, a huge long table filled with delicious savory, desserts and drinks while soft jazz music started to play.

Connie and Sasha rushed with celebration poppers and popped that to everyone and confetti's were all over both of you and everyone started to laugh including Levi.

He actually rented out the whole beach shore just for this special occasion to make a special experience, and even planned a surprise celebration after that with all of your friends.

This went on for what left like forever, and everyone headed back after congratulating both of you and you both went to your beach resort room.

You guys did not sleep that night and actually stayed up together talking about how this special evening went, about the future while holding hands, being cuddled up and leaving each other soft kisses throughout the conversation.

Now, everytime you think or even go to the beach shore, you think of Levi’s amazing romantic proposal. This man really took a long time figuring this out and wanted it special cause you deserved that.

And, whenever you look at his steel grey gaze, you saw the love he had for you, and you saw your soon to be husband that you will spend the rest of your life with.

ᴏᴋᴀʏ ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴀs ʟᴏɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴇᴅ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ᴀɴᴅ it ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴡᴀʀᴍᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇʟᴛᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ !! ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅs ᴛʜɪs ᴄ: IF ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ! ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴏ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪᴛ 🥺 ♥

[xtodorcki]

may i request? one where levi and reader has suddenly parted ways leaving both of them heartbroken. fast forward to a few mos later, reader has moved w/ a new partner (but is still very much in love with levi) and then one day, both of them unintentionally crossed paths again (now as exes) levi reminisces their past and concludes that he still has feelings for reader. the ending is up to you tho! i love ur writing lol i’m rlly obsessed ❤️

“Reunited,” Levi x Reader

Summary: After you and Levi’s brutal breakup, you move on. Randomly, you two run into each other and ‘catch up’ but Levi confesses that he still loves you.

Warnings: none

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“I want you gone, I don’t want you here anymore!” You screamed at Levi, shoving your hands into his chest as you tried to push him away from you.

“Then fucking leave? No one is stopping you, Y/N.” Levi stood his ground, his arms crossed over his chest as he gave you a cold stare.

“You’re such a dick and you wonder why no one ever sticks around long enough.” You let it slip up, the painful words had crushed his heart in seconds.

“Yeah? Now I can see why you were alone in the first place.” He said, it was like venom from a snake bite- toxic.

“I hate you.” You mumbled, the tears running down your face didnt phase Levi- not anymore.

You two were having a full screaming match in his office, you were positive the scouts down the hall heard the full thing but it didn’t matter- the anger boiling inside of you made you not think of anyone else.

“Glad we both feel the same.”

His words hit you like a truck, even though your words were just as bad- you said them because Levi pushed you to that point. That’s all he did was push and push until you have a reaction.

This time you were done.

-

It had been months since you last seen Levi, you were heartbroken and long nights you cried and cried, hoping he would suck up his pride and ego to apologize to you but it never happened.

You quickly jumped into another relationship, hoping this would make you forget about Levi but it never worked. Every time your partner would kiss you or try to touch you, all you thought about was him and the way he made you feel.

It was painful. Extremely painful.

You tried to suck it up, hoping it would get better but as of now- it hasn’t and you’re having a hard time dealing with that.

Levi, on the other hand, has been distracted with the scouts but once his head hits the pillow late at night, his thoughts are always directed to you.

He wish he could see you, he wish he could hold you again but he felt like a burden, he felt like you were better off without him so he stayed away.

But one random day, he had went into the town after coming back from a expedition. He had separated from the group, going straight to the bar because even though he wasn’t a drinker, he needed something to make him forget.

His uniform was still on, the pained look on his face didn’t begin to describe how he felt on the inside. It was getting too much to handle, he felt like he needed these drinks.

Until he caught a quick glimpse of your face, his heart stopping as his feet froze on the concrete. The smile you had on made his heart race and he didn’t realize his feet were moving towards you until you both made eye contact and your smile fell.

“Levi,” You said, looking over at him and your partner stood behind you protectively as they stared down Levi.

“So this is the famous Levi.” They mumbled, making you turn around to face your partner.

“You can go on ahead, I’ll be fine.” You tried to get them to leave because frankly, you didn’t want them there.

Your partner had kissed your cheek on purpose, eyeing Levi as they left and he looked at you like he had seen a ghost. You moved on and Levi wanted to rip everyone apart to feel something other than the pain weighing on his chest.

You both stood in silence, you didn’t know what to say or what to do but you didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want this to be the last time you saw him. He gestured you to follow him inside the bar he was planning on going inside and you did, not a word has been spoken yet.

As the two of you sat down, Levi settling with whiskey and you just settled with a coffee- it was quiet and awkward. The tension was thick and you looked around the room to avoid eye contact.

“I didn’t know you found someone else.” He finally spoke, the sarcasm on his tongue was lingering and you can sense that he thought of your partner as a joke.

“Oh- yeah, three months.”

He gave you a wide eyed look, three months? He thought to himself. You two have only been broken up around five or six months and you were that quick to jump with someone else. It had shattered his heart more if that was even possible, laughing under his breath before downing his drink completely then asking for another.

“Levi,”

“So, did you not love me? Was our relationship a joke?” He cut you off, leaning forward against the table with a look of amusement on his face.

“Not at all, our relationship was everything to me.” You admitted, watching his eyes roll and he took another breath, trying to clam himself.

He didn’t want to argue with you, no, that’s not why he made you follow him in this lonely bar. In fact, he wanted to desperately kiss you, hug you. Shit, he wanted to drag you home and show you how much he missed you but when he saw your partner, his temper had taken over- along with his sadness.

“Y/N, I’m going to be honest with you.” He started off, looking into your eyes and it had made his heart skip a beat.

Suddenly his emotions had taken over, the flashbacks flooding his mind like they were yesterday. The first one he thought of was the time you two were in bed, he was trying to read a book and you were trying to get his attention. The way you would nudge him, purposely pull his eyes away from the book in his hands to look at you fully, the way your laugh would echo in his bedroom- he missed it.

Then the flashbacks of you taking care of him after expeditions, making sure to bandage his wounds and comfort him afterwards, making sure you reminded him how special he was and how grateful you were to have him.

It made him want to cry in your arms right now but he sat there. He made sure he kept himself well put together because he didn’t want to make you worry or hurt you in any way.

He didn’t realize how zoned out he was, the thoughts of you flooding his mind and the memories he shared with you- they were amazing and he couldn’t help but miss it.

“Levi?” You questioned, watching him stare down at the glass in front of him and soon he snapped out of it, looking up at you.

The jealousy he felt, the way your partner kissed your cheek like you were theirs. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to desperately take you away from here. All these emotions overpowering him, he wanted to explode.

“Fuck it.” He said breathless, making you raise an eyebrow before he practically climbed over the small table, cupping your cheeks and smashing his lips on yours.

You were caught off guard, the sudden kiss almost made you throw yourself back but you remained in place. The long nights you would think about this, this moment. The dreams you would have of Levi kissing you, it was all coming to life.

Your shaky hands grabbed onto his wrists, keeping him in place before you completely leaned in and moved your lips in sync with his. You still got the same feeling every time he would kiss you, fireworks. Every kiss and touch all made you feel the same spark you were feeling now.

Levi was so desperate to keep this going, he never wanted to lose you again, he was even too scared to let go but he pulled back, his face inches away as he stared deep into your eyes, taking in the moment incase it gets ripped away.

“I would say I’m sorry but I’m not... I still love you, come home, please..” Was all he said, his eyes had a sparkle of hope in them, hoping you would ditch your new pathetic partner and come back with him.

The amount of love you still had for Levi was more than enough for you to nod your head, making him drag you out the door and down through the town to go back to his place. He would turn back to look at you, the smile on his face had made your heart flutter with happiness.

“Levi, wait.” You stopped him right as you both stood outside of his place and he gave you a look of concern, afraid you’ll run off again.

“I never stopped loving you, I just want you to know that. Everyday only got harder without you next to me.” You admitted, making his hand squeeze onto yours and he embraced you in a tight hug.

Your face was nuzzled in his shoulder, the tears stinging your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him. The overwhelming feeling that washed over your body made you cry a bit, you were finally happy and content. You didn’t realize you missed Levi this much until he touched you.

“God, I love you.”

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This ended up really cute. It made me soft🥺

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

[shorkbrian]

Prelude - I need to stop catching sight of poetry on my explore page lol. This is entirely self-indulgent and very specific cause I’m rotting thru life rn and so if u dislike I understand lol. When I was in the hospital this last time it sucked rlly bad and like the awful horny degenerate I was I kept thinking abt Kirishima and soft sweet Sugawara idk lol

Pairing - Death god Kirishima x Reader

Warnings - Suicide, suicide attempt, no smut. Death. Drunk Drivers. Yandere but only a little bit and cause I can’t voluntarily accept love it has to be forced bc I cannot handle the thot of someone who is sane loving me bc there is no freaking way lol

Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/5Iy1wdO0tMaHwKnfFYtlel?si=-vqod-W6SHia8ui2Hdl_9g 

Adding this one bc it’s like one of my favorites and I wish god I wish and I hope that this year is better than the last amen lol also there’s nothing more sad to me than someone pleading and begging and crying for the year to treat you nicely like bitch u okay? no. the answer is no.

https://open.spotify.com/track/0xRO7EKgYKVB8zKIoiXMDD?si=HYBaiBzjRGmQwfCHgnTUxA

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“It hurts.” You had told him, as the entity sat at the end of your hospital bed.

He often sank heavily onto the nearest surface, as if his bones ached with the weight of his body. You saw him often during those first few days in the hospital, days spent puking up pills, every move you made monitored, doctors and nurses scolding you about the severity of your actions.

You didn’t think they could see the hulking figure that comforted you.

“I”ve heard that it’s supposed to.” The red god of death would think aloud.

“I don’t want it then.” Tears upon your cheeks, soft, misty. “Take it.”

“Your life?” A nod would affirm his question, but the red god would shake his head. “I am no thief. Not a hunter, simply a gatherer of souls. I won’t take what doesn’t belong to me.”

“Then it’s yours, have my life. A gift, from me to you. Don’t make me live it any longer…..”

His sadness would show in his eyes.

But the soul-crushing hugs that were provided were admittedly a tiny bit nice.

“You’re far too sweet for your own good. I’ll receive your life when the time is right, not before.”

“But I don’t want it!” You sobbed into his shoulder, the god seeming to be your only friend in the world.

Hands stroked along your back, soft shushing sounds as the god attempted to soothe you in the ways he knew how. Soft touches, kind truths. “Many don’t.  But it happens - life happens anyways. All you can do is find the things that make it less painful.”

“That’s not enough, it still hurts. I can’t stand it.” The sobs wracking your body didn’t stop the entity from holding you.

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

——

He’s patient and kind.

Surprising for a god who’s work involves collecting souls as if they were taxes. A job that should be bitter and tiresome, but the entity has infinite softness resting inside of him.

He walks with you, as you get “better“.

You watch him stop to marvel at flowers, to study the way dew drips from trees in little drops, eyes wide and wondering as crows startle from their perches and take off with noisy weeping.

This courtyard is drab and brown, a prison. Safe.

Yet the god of death treats the space gently, with respect. He thanks the old walls for standing, the worn stones beneath your feet. Their service is noted and appreciated. He’s so tender it almost makes you sick.

But you come to realize that he’s simply allowing himself to be vulnerable, to experience the earth and the beings in it.

For as soon as one recognizes vulnerability, which is so different from weakness or tragedy, one experiences a sense of tenderness. Without tenderness, pleasure means nothing. You need only look at the animals to see the truth of that. It is gentleness that distinguishes their playing from the actions they constantly take to ensure their survival.

You ask why he walks with you, why he is so focused on seeing you get “better“.

A soft smile, a meeting of eyes. “There is an end to your pain, sometime and somewhere. It’s most likely not here, not in this place at least-“ and he looks around, at the cold walls, the other sick patients, the staff. All human.

“-It will come. But for now, it’s enough to try and seek it out ourselves.”

You must look more sick than you really are, talking to thin air like that.

——-

Once you return home, the red god writes you letters.

He’s an old soul, an old god. You’re sure if you asked, he’d be able to recount the very first souls he reaped, a man and a woman, sinful and sweet but in love.

The letters help you get out of bed. What new stories or little quips the god has written pique your curiosity, even when you don’t want to move, don’t want to be awake or alive.

He tells you stories about certain souls, how each one is infinitely interesting, how they all interconnect.  How some of them struggle against him, however fruitlessly. But he’s not the one who brought about their death, he’s there to comfort and guide.

Other souls, (“souls like yours” he writes) welcome him, run to his arms like a long lost lover. Their death was terrifying by their own hand, and it hurt. He can’t take away that pain, those memories. The red god says he wishes those souls find peace wherever he must take them afterwards, or at least, some form of contentment.

“The meaning of life is to give life meaning, at least, that’s what seems to be the consensus.” You rip off that part of the letter, hang it on your wall by your bed.  The other letters you keep in your nightstand, content with the knowledge that there are souls out there like you

It’s hard work, creating meaning for yourself.

The red god takes to visiting you between each letter, says he misses you, the way your soul cries. He tells you that he wishes he could help you quiet it, quiet that raging, terrible storm that hurls you about.

You make him cookies - it’s the only way you know how to say thank you. It’s what your mother taught you, so it may not be right, but the god eats them nonetheless. He likes it when you eat with him, feeding you bites from his cookie, wiping chocolate off of your nose, making you laugh with stupid jokes and a mouth stuffed full of cookies.

Even if some of them are too crunchy, or others too soft, all of them imperfect.

Imperfection is the essence of humanity, he tells you, and it’s more fun eating each cookie with the thought that you’re devouring your imperfections, making yourself whole again, filling up the empty spaces in your soul.

——

Eventually, the crawl back to your feet, rise with the unsteadiness of a toddler. You fall frequently, cry often, but you’re able to get up and try again.

Some days you need to bury yourself in sadness, let yourself feel and feel and hurt. Other days are not so bad, but still tinged  with regret and fear and sadness.

The red god is by your side, gives you something to cling to when you waver.

He is always there.

He will be there when you meet your end.

The god is in no hurry.

You question why he wastes his time on you, hours spent reassuring you, talking to you, tucking you in your bed and leaving glasses of water on your nightstand before taking his leave.

Home is a feeling, not a place. Home is with you - that’s what he tells you. You take his breath away, even though he might not even need to breath because he’s the god of death. HIs thoughts muddle and he trips over his feet and can’t help himself from wanting to hold you.

You learn that even gods yearn for home.

He’s capable of feelings and emotions just like any other human. He may be wiser, and older, able to draw from experience and a deep well of wisdom. But he still feels, and feels deeply.

Just as he gives the earth around him such reverence, he extends that same  attitude when he deals with you.

“Everything I see reminds me of you. When I wake and the sun creeps over the mountains, hesitant, it reminds me of the way that you rise - haltingly, yet it happens nonetheless. The flowers in the field that so steadily grow, you’re like ground they take root in, soft and unstable yet still tenable with the potential for growth. I don’t know, I haven’t exactly held such closeness with a human-“

He trails off, but you think you understand.

Maybe you don’t. It’s hard to relate to a god.

——

A confession occurs, and you’re surprised to learn that the blood-red god of death is in love.

“What did my hands do before they held yours? What did my heart do without all of this love? I can’t hold enough of you, I carry such love for you in my heart.”

With a frail, hopeless human nonetheless.

You don’t know what to tell him, how to explain that you can barely take care of yourself right now, meet your own needs.

But the red god seems to know, seems to understand the way your breath hitches and your eyes widen. One more hug, squeezed tight to his chest while he promises nothing has to change.

Things do change, even if you wish them not to. The world doesn’t bow to your whims, nor the death-god’s.

Innocent touches, his hand on your shoulder, patting your head, offering to rub out the tension in your back after you’ve had a crushing day - they don’t feel so innocent anymore.

The constant survellience still seemed kind, and you knew it was with your best intentions in mind that the god hovered so close, invading every aspect of your life.

But a creeping tendril of unease took hold, and you worried.

Everywhere you turned, he would be there, ready to support you, walk you through anything you wished.

Again, you questioned his commitment. Why? Why you?

“I can’t explain how fond of you I’ve grown. How heat blossomed in my chest as we grew closer. There’s infinite things I wish to say to you, ways for me to express my-my love, but I’ll just let you live.”

He neither killed you nor let you live.

Was it frightening? Maybe. But you had nothing to really live for, lost, searching for your own meaning in a big big world, floundering in an endless sea of sadness and suffering. You weren’t afraid of anything the god could, or would, do to you.

Until you woke up, not knowing where you were, in pitch black.

Arms encircling your shoulders, a soft body beneath your own, holding you tightly, a hand caressing your cheek.

A sun rose, on a strange new land, on the blood-red god gazing at you.

“There seemed to be so much more time for you. But accidents happen, Drivers drink and hearts give out. I was expecting you to grow old, for us to live and love like that, see how you grew through life.”

He looked around this new world, and you vaguely remember what had come before.  A walk along the sidewalk, blaring horns, impact, blood.

“But this will be just as nice. You can stay here with me now. Life can’t cause you anymore pain.”

You don’t feel comforted by those words.  There’s no way for you to know whether this new world would be better than the one you left behind.

[ererokii]

call out your name || L. Ackerman

➳ Levi Ackerman x Fem Reader

Word Count: 8381 Warnings: major character death, cussing, fluff, blood, violence, nightmares, some spoilers i think  note: This is heavily unedited! this was something that has been sitting in my drafts for ages, and i rlly wanted to post it so here it is!

synopsis:  No one’s left and there is no one to go on. All I know that my life is gone. I’m crying, missing my lover. And I got no power, on my side forever.

When she brings me coffee, her smile, I wish I could be with her. Till my last day. 

Black Tea was his favorite.

The foul stench of the liquid always made you feel displeased. It left a bitter taste on the tip of your tongue, and you never once took a sip of it. You always prepared it for him. But you liked making it for him. In exchange to see a softer side, a side of a broken man. You would jump on that opportunity many times if you could.

The greetings from the members of your squad and other cadets never failed to make you smile. Being a squad leader meant that your comrades always respected one another, including you. It always warmed the aching part of your heart, it made you feel whole once again. The aroma of the tea always made you feel at home. When you stared down at the brown substance in the tea cup, it always gave you a feeling of nostalgia. 

“Where did you learn how to make this?”

“I made this myself. Why do you ask?”

That exchange was all it took for him to be convinced by your tea making skills for some reason. From then on, he never took tea from anyone else but yourself, or he made it. No exceptions. Dear god, he would never take it from Hanji. Who knows what they could have put in there. 

His office always smelled dull, but it didn’t smell bad. No one expected anything different from the Captain. All the books were neatly stacked upon each other, nothing was out of the ordinary. When you’ve returned the next day with his desired drink, it was always the same as the day before, and the next. He was neat, and you liked that. 

When the cup was placed softly on his desk, he would look up from his papers and gaze into your eyes. His sharp silvery eyes had a glint, a look you couldn’t quite piece it together. He still had that stoic look on his face, but his eyes would soften up slightly. If you blinked, you have never noticed it. A hum of satisfaction rumbled in the depth of his chest as his fingers gripped the rim on the cup, bringing it to his mouth. His lips would part as he took a sip of the drink, closing his eyes as the warmth ran down his throat and into the pits of his stomach, relishing in the after taste it gave him.

“It tastes good.”

“Well I don’t make mediocre Black Tea, Levi.”

A gentle smile curved at your lips as you stared at the Captain, who continued to drink the brown substance.  Moments like this, where it was just you and the short man, reminded how lucky you were to live to see another day, rather a special someone. Life in this hell was sacred by all means. Any day the walls could come crashing down and that would be the end of humanity. More so yourself along with the rest of the Scouts. It was like counting your days on a calendar when an Expedition was approaching. It was important to say goodbye and whisper an I love you, like it would be your last. No one knew.

And that was the scary part.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

I said I gave all my love to you. 

Levi had horrible nightmares. On average, he got 2-3 hours of sleep, every night. Maybe he could get a good solid four hours, but never above that. The amount of times he saw his comrades die in his dreams, was almost too much for him. From Isabel and Farlan, to the death of his squad. Too many people died in front of him. Many people he cared about. 

The bed that brought most comfort to others, did the exact opposite for Levi. He dreaded going to sleep for the most part. Instead of it soothing his troubles and reassuring that he was alive and safe, it gave him the memories that he hated most. Their cries always rang in his ears as he tried closing his eyes for a night's rest. The position he slept in was never good enough. Nothing was ever good enough for his slumber. If he could hate anything other than Titans, it would be his dreams. 

“Levi! Help me Levi!’ your pleading cries called out for him as you thrusted an arm in the air, desperate to latch onto anything. Your legs have been bruised by the grip of the humanoid creatures. Your breathing has gotten worse as your ribs began to crack at the tightening hold. “Please Levi!”

The captain couldn’t move. The blades in his hands were nothing. They seemed weightless, like paper. His orbs focused on your struggling body as you begged for mercy. His mouth was parted as small puffs of air left his mouth. His hands shook as he watched the titan bring you closer to its mouth. 

It was like in slow motion. Your blades that you were skilled with, your weapons, fell right out of your hands and landed on the comfort of the ground. The cracking of the metal could be heard from the ground as your maneuvering gear snapped in half, the pieces falling from your body and landing with clangs. Your legs continued to kick at the ginormous hand that kept you captive. The titan stared down at you with its beady eyes and creepy like smile. 

“Levi help me! Please! Save me!” You screamed as you stared down at the man with terror. This wasn’t the look you always wore. You had the look of a confident soldier. A soldier who was ready to risk their life for the cause. But now, all hope was lost as your eyes were welled up with your tears, your mouth continuing to move on its own, but no sound was coming out. 

“I can’t move,” he whispered, his fingers clenching around nothing. He looked down at his hands and let out an audible noise of terror. Replacing the blades, was blood. Specifically, your blood. The blood dripped down from the inside of his jacket to his palm, the droplets falling from his fingertips. 

Your screaming had stopped as he looked up. The titan was gone. The only thing there was your body, that seemed to be laying on the ground in a weird position. 

As if now he could move, he stumbled towards you and fell on his knees, staring down at you with despair. He lowered his head to your chest and tried catching a heartbeat.

…

…

“You can’t be dead..” he trailed off and straightened himself up, his eyes piercing into your own lifeless ones. You couldn’t have died. No, it was impossible. You couldn’t leave him behind like Isabel and Farlan have. Like his mother did. You had to stay with him. 

He watched as a blood puddle formed underneath your head. The source of the oozing red was coming from the side of your frontal region. You must have hit it hard on the way down. He brought a shaky hand to touch it and retracted his hand upon feeling that it was dry and cracked. 

“Levi..why did you let me die..?” you meekly asked, looking forward up at the sky. Your chest had stopped moving up and down as the blood stain by your mouth began to dry up. Your lips began to chap up and crack. It looked like you’ve gone cold to the touch. You could have been a popsicle.

“What?” he asked quietly, his teeth chewing on the inside of his cheek. “What do you mean?”

“You let me die, Levi. Now you’re all alone,” you repeated, turning your head to face him. “Why Levi? I thought you loved me? I loved you...” your voice was hoarse from the trauma on your throat from your ear splitting screams. You were no longer gasping for air, but instead frozen like a statue. 

He couldn’t answer you. The moments where he swore to protect you no matter what, he failed. He failed as a Captain, as a friend, a comrade, and a lover. He failed.

“Levi..”

“Levi..”

“Levi!”

His eyes snapped open as he sat up quick, gasping for air. His eyes frantically scanned the shadowy room. The moon provided the only source of light, peeking through the curtains by his window. His chest heaved up and down as his nimble fingers clenched around his bed sheets. A sheer cover of sweat formed at the base of his neck and his forehead. His throat felt parched as he struggled to gain air, feeling winded from his night terror. 

The panting never stopped from him. Your hand found home on his shoulder, squeezing the clothed muscle. “Levi..”

He stopped letting air out for a moment, slowly turning his head to the side. A shape in the darkness was made by his eyes. His silvery slits squinted just enough to tell it was you in this shadowy room. He could make out the whites of your eyes, as the light hit on your face perfectly, illuminating your visage.

“..You’re alive,” he whispered, the feeling of your blood running down his arm from his dream, was still there. The thick substance felt heavy on his limb. Your confused expression was enough for him to realize that he wasn’t making sense.

“Of course I’m alive..why wouldn’t I be alive?” you questioned, running a hand through his hair, slicking it back with the sweat that he was drenched with. You could care less about the glistening liquid that was on your hands now. 

His tongue peeked out of the cavern and licked his lower lip in anticipation. What exactly was Levi anticipating? There was nothing bad happening outside of this room, outside of headquarters. The ache in his beating heart was too much for him to handle.

“It felt so real,” he started, immovable as if he was too afraid to move. “I could smell the blood..it was so close to me that I could taste it upon the tip of my tongue,” he brought a hand up to his mouth and wiped any sweat that made it to his upper lip. “The metallic taste is too familiar to me, regardless it being a Titan’s blood or a human’s blood.”

“Levi, I’m afraid I’m not understanding. What happened?”

It wasn’t out of the ordinary that you saw Levi in such a shaken up state. The man was broken and was bound to be torn to pieces by the time he was on his deathbed. The wounded soldier always suffered before letting out their last breath. 

“It got you. Those filthy bastards held you in their clutches. And I watched, pathetically as you begged and called out my name. I couldn’t move. You screamed, and cried. Then suddenly you stopped--,” he paused and looked over at you, noticing the look of shock on your face. “-- And you were dead on the floor. The titan was gone. I went to your body and your heart wasn’t beating. You begged me for an answer on why I didn’t save you,” he stopped abruptly and balled his hand into a fist, letting out a grunt.

“I let you die.”

The words that you were ready to speak, died in the back of your throat as you listened to his atrocious dream. Instead, a lump was put in place as you tried swallowing it. Your mouth had gone wilted as you wracked for anything to come out. A peep, a sigh, a cry. Anything, at this rate, Levi would think he’s all alone. And you knew he wasn’t alone. 

“Levi,” you started carefully, thinking about the ways it could go wrong, depending on what you would say. “I know you would never let me die, or any of your comrades in that matter, unless we are ordered to die. You care about your soldiers, as well as the soldiers caring about their superiors. That wasn’t the real you. You’ve been through so much trauma already..your mind just wants to add unrealistic situations to mess with you.”

“I’m not dying anytime soon, Levi. I can promise you that.”

“That’s what Isabel said before her head was completely removed from her body,” he replied, remembering the death of his two close friends from the underground. 

Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church. 

Both infamous criminals in the underground district of Wall Sina. Isabel joined the group of thugs later on and the three became known by many merchants and poor families. Not too long the group was caught by Erwin Smith, and forced to join the Survey Corps or surrender themselves to the Military Police. The first choice was the best option as they were soldiers the next day. Less to say, their first expedition was horrible. But the outside world was beautiful.

Beautiful isn’t always meant to stay that way.

Her face was rolled across the field. The thick red substance spewed out from her body. Her once green sparkling eyes were lifeless and dull. His eyes were widened in fear. His body was sliced in half as his lower half was in the titan’s mouth, chewing, savoring the taste of the human body in its disgusting chops. 

Levi could still remember the rush of adrenaline as he took on the beast by himself. Blood was splattered as his arms were numb by the end of the fight. His blades were dull and useless as his gas needed to be replenished. Thankfully, his horse was there to aid him in his retreatment. 

“Well Levi, we’re given better training now than before,” you stated and forced him to look at you. “I’m not going anywhere okay? I promise. I’m not leaving you, ever. You won’t be alone again, I swear to you.”

His eyes searched frantically for a lie spoken within your eyes. Certainly you had to be joking. No one could ever make those types of promises with death knocking at their door. How could you talk about something so easily and not know the future? What game were you playing?

The rapid beat of his heart seemed to steady as he hung his head, shutting his eyes shut as a small breath of air ejected from his mouth. One measly statement wouldn’t cover the fact that he had let you die, reality or dream. Humanity’s Strongest, let one of the most important people in his life down. Not just down, he failed, he let you die.

And there was no way he would let that become a reality. 

“I promise to you,” he started and made eye contact with you. “I will always be there to protect you. Even if it causes my own life. You will see the outside world. With, or without me.”

Knowing that you couldn’t persuade Levi when he got serious, a gentle smile and nod was all you can do. “Okay Levi. I believe you.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

We dreamt a new house, some place to be at peace. 

An expedition was coming up soon. It had the same underlying goal, to retake the land that was stolen from them by the creatures. The newest recruits would need to be trained by the captain himself. 

You liked to help Levi with the recruits. It was funny to see them cower in their boots as he yelled at them to do things properly, especially when cleaning. With a new set of able soldiers, you were able to pick who you wanted.

It wasn’t mostly about height, or how muscular they were. You liked looking at their reports from their cadet years. How well they worked with others, in a serious setting. How was their combat skills? Omnidirectional maneuvering techniques? Being the top of the class didn’t mean anything if you weren’t able to defend yourself out there or give up your life. In boot camp, you were sheltered. In the Scouts, it was life or death. 

“Like this!” you grunted and placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder as you wrapped your leg around his, slamming him into the ground. There was barely an audible noise from the dark haired male as his back collided with the harsh earth underneath him. 

Currently, the both of you were in charge of refreshing their memory with hand to hand combat training. It was easy to say, most cadets already forgot how to defend themselves on the ground, which made your job more difficult than ever. Using Levi as an example was not a picture you were thinking when you’ve awoken this morning in his bed. 

“Not bad,’ Levi muttered and got off of the floor, immediately wiping the dirt off of his body. “Disgusting..now it’s my turn,” he said and didn’t give a second thought, heading straight for you. 

You moved to the side and held your arms up in front of your face, protecting yourself at all costs. Just because you were the special one in Levi’s life, doesn’t mean he’ll go easy on you. No, during any sort of training, you're his foe, the one he’s trying to protect himself from. 

The cadets gathered around in awe, enjoying the sight of their captain and potential squad leader in a fight, for their sack of learning. Two of the most strongest in all the regime, were head to head. Pretty exciting for teenagers if they do say so themselves.

Levi was quick on his feet, he was agile, and he never made a sound as he was going to attack. His foot was lifted from the air and aimed for your feet, in hopes that he could knock you down. In mind, you knew that this was Levi’s first move. Everyone expected him to go high, but no, he always went low. 

You retracted backwards and let out a huff. “Always going low, huh Levi?”

“You say that now when you’ll be on the bottom,” he replied and waited for your first offensive attack. You never attacked first. You were more of a defensive fighter. You would rather get to know someone’s skill by watching them the whole time, plus the more they hit, the more they got tired. 

Levi knew that, you were a surprise. Your offensive attack wasn’t the best. It was usually a measly kick to the head, but he always knew it. You would stutter-step before lifting your leg up. In that mere second, that’s all that it took for someone to attack.

Deciding not to wait any longer, he rushed you. Your eyes widened as you stumbled faintly. That was all it took. Levi wrapped an arm around your torso and his other pinning your arm to your back. He leaned forward and let gravity take its course as he slammed you to the ground. A loud grunt left your lips as your chest collided with the terrain. It really hurt, with your boobs hitting first, and plus the weight of Levi wasn’t helping at all.

“L-Levi!”

“What?” he answered, unemotionally as he got off of you. “You messed up and I took advantage of it. It’s not my fault you stumbled.” He’s not the type to sugarcoat anything. He knows that your lack of awareness is what needs to be fixed. 

You groaned as you rolled onto your back, opening your eyes. You were met with the delicate blue sky. The clouds moved effortlessly in the heavens. The fluffs of white hid the overbearing sun. The harsh rays beat down upon you, causing you to lift an arm to shield your orbs from the harmful light. Birds in the sky cried out as they flew with their powerful wings that made them free. 

You always wanted to be a bird when you were a child. The thought of growing the most beautiful set of wings was deemed impossible by adults around you. Many elders said how childish you sounded. At a young age, you were told about the harsh realities of this world. Dreams for children were no match for the hell on earth. 

You insisted on writing these ideas in a book. Your grandmother seemed to be your only supporter on this. She told you, that if you believed in it, and wrote it down, then the three goddesses, Maria, Rose, and Sina, would grant you this ability. Maybe the founder, Ymir Fritz would visit you in your dreams and let you transform into a bird like creature. 

A small laugh left your mouth along with a sigh of stupidity and happiness. You still had hopes and dreams of that. Your childish antics never evaporated as you got older. The small child inside of you begged to come out, wanting to spread her wings in order to see the world freely. 

“Are you okay down there?” Levi poked his head in your line of sight, his eyebrows furrowed inward.

“Levi do you think one day I’ll grow wings and fly?” you asked suddenly, a dazed look across your features as you stared directly past him. Lazily, you lifted an arm up and spread your fingers out towards the sky, as if you were reaching for something beyond your ability. “It’s beautiful…”

“What are you talking about? Did you even sleep last night? Are you sick?” Levi questioned as he grabbed your arm, forcing you to sit upward as he crouched to your level. He pressed the back of his head against your forehead and retracted it upon touch. “Well you don’t have a fever..so that’s good. Now do you mind telling me just what in the hell you’re talking about becoming a fucking bird?”

“I’ve been having weird dreams,” you started off softly, with a voice as quiet as a mouse moving, if he wasn’t paying attention, he wouldn’t have heard you. 

“Weird dreams like what?” he replied and glanced over his shoulder, noticing that the cadets scurried away to where Hanji was instead, finding interest in the new weapon she was given. He turned back around and gave you his undivided attention, a flash of rare concern popping up in his eyes. It wasn’t normal for you to ask questions like this, usually the younger ones would ask silly inquiries like this. 

“I think the three goddesses visit me in my sleep. It’s like..unreal. It seems like the afterlife. They always greet me with the same smile on their face and welcome me with open arms. One of them, I can’t remember who, always tells me that I’m free from the curse of Ymir and I don’t understand what they mean by that. Is this a sign that..it’s going to happen soon? Am I going to die soon, Levi? Or am I just being ansty because we have an expedition soon?”

Most of the time, Levi knew what to say, whether it was good or bad. Always. He knew. But unfortunately, now was not the time. He stared down at you with slightly widened eyes. His pupils dilated in size upon hearing the details.

“Course you’re not going to die soon, why could you possibly think of something so horrendous as that?” he cradled your face in his rough hands, forcing you to look up at him from your sitting position. “I told you, you aren’t dying on my watch.”

“Think about it Levi..you can’t make promises like that. I can die, you can die. Fuck, we both can die! This world is beautiful one minute then the next it’ll eat you alive because it’s so cruel! What if my dreams are trying to tell me something?! What if--” you paused and licked your chapped lips before continuing, “-- I am going to die..?”

“Don’t be stupid!” he suddenly yelled, raising his voice. His hands moved from your face to your shoulders. His fingers dug into your body, making indents in your brown jacket. “You aren’t going to die, Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you to get it through your fucking skull?!” 

His shoulders heaved up and down as he puffed out breaths of air through his parted lips. His orbs found home in yours as he stared directly, trying to find anything. He noticed the look of shock evident in your visage, feeling your shoulders relax underneath his rugged palms. 

No matter how many times Levi could reassure you, it was difficult to put your faith into his words. The voice in the back of your head always reminded you that you did your job well, that you were free. What did that even mean? 

“I’m… I’m sorry, Levi,” you averted your gaze to anywhere but him. You felt shameful. You weren’t exactly sure as to why that feeling overtook your body, but you knew that you deserved it.

He paused for a moment before speaking up once more, “You’re scaring me, you know that? You know I’ll always be there to protect you. I won’t let you have the same faith of my fallen ones. I’m willing to sacrifice my own life for you.”

You knew he was right. He meant what he said. He would lay his life on the ground for you. You shouldn’t doubt his words. Your lip quivered at his statement as a silent tear trailed down your face. Many years in the Survey Corp taught you that you had to have confidence in order to survive. Without that, you couldn’t trust your ability to fight against the man eating monsters. 

When you first joined the Scouts, you were far from confident. You were always ashamed that others over topped you in ranks, kill count and overall attitude. You were timid and an outcast at first. Hiding in your safety net was your best friend at the time. 

Many of your comrades forced you to overcome your fear of failing, but you would never budge. Majority of the time, you tried impersonating others. Maybe if you were loud and bright like Hanji, others would notice you. Or if you were loyal and caring like Moblit, maybe others would trust you as they trust others. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust you, they weren’t sure if you trusted them. 

“What if I’m not strong enough out there?”

“Tch. Are we really having this conversation again, Y/N? Erwin didn’t just pick you out for no reason. He saw potential in you. He saw a natural born leader and molded you into someone you are today. I don’t think he’s stupid to pick someone random and make them a squad leader. You were made to be a squad leader for a reason, don’t forget it.”

Levi’s words made your heart ache, yet flutter. You knew damn well why you were chosen to be a squad leader in the Survey Corps. Your bravery that you showed to others, to your commander was enough for him. You chose to display your dedication to saving humanity through actions, which was the best for you to succeed. A woman of few words, happened to be one of the most fierce, dedicated and courageous soldiers the Scouts has ever seen. 

Of course that was four ago when you were appointed as a leader. Now you were outgoing and confident in your abilities. You didn’t have a care in the world when you were on that field. It was just you, and the open land that you dangerously fought for. You didn’t have the most solo kills, but you were a team player. You ranked number 1 in kill assists, something everyone should be ranked as. Everyone needed to collaborate with their team to succeed. 

A small breath of air slipped passed your lips as you looked into his silvery iries. “I’m sorry. I doubt myself a lot, don’t I?”

He nodded in agreement as he curled his hand behind your head, bringing you close as his forehead pressed against yours. His hair tickled your frontal region as he closed his eyes. “To be frank,  you do. And it’s fine. We’re all human at the end of the day. Don’t let blind it from your goal, okay?” He asked and fluttered his eyes open, gazing into yours. “I love you..and I promise you.”

Without saying a word, you brought your hand and curled it behind his head, playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck. He pulled away from your forehead and instead, placed his lips there and lingered them on your skin. 

“I know Levi..I love you too.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

We don’t know what is wrong tonight, nobody got no place to hide.  

Puffs of air escaped your lips as your fingers clenched the black reigns of your horse. You swung your arm out horizontally, yelling out commands for your squad to follow. The clopping of the war horses rang through your ears as you ran through the forest. The adrenaline and fear kicked in right away when the gates of Wall Maria opened. Your heart beat steadily increased with each step you took in the deserted land. 

Before the expedition, Levi pulled you aside prior to the departure. In stables is where you stood, giving your final affections to one another from peeping eyes. Staying in his strong arms reminded you that you had to come back safe, as well as him. This was a common thing between the both of you. You held each other accountable for staying alive. Flimsy promises were exchanged between the two of you.

His lips pressed against the back of your hand, mumbling a few words that leave tingles on your supple skin. Your lips pressed against the side of his cheek, repeating the same words back to him as you embraced him one last time. No one ever approached when they saw their Captain and Squad Leader in an intimate moment, one that might be their very last. Everyone understood the situation at hand. The two lovers were just trying to make it back for each other, and for everyone else. 

As you readied on your war horse, you caught the glance of Levi’s wandering eyes. His squad was more up ahead than yours. The Levi Squad was always placed up front to be in the center ranks, the best of the best. Your squad was mostly used for Titan Signaling, nevertheless, more important than the whole formation. His head moved slightly, as he nodded your way. In return, you repeated his ministrations as you looked forward, awaiting the commands from Erwin, who was at the head of the formation. 

“You and Captain Levi are really cute together! When are you guys getting married?”

Your eyes widened as you whipped your head to the side, meeting the cheeky smile of a cadet, who was put in your squad. “What did you say?!”

“I said when are--”

“N-No I heard you!” your voice pitched as embarrassment flowed through your veins. The only people that ever commented on your relationship with Levi was Hanji, Petra and Erwin. Occasionally Oluo would, but that was when he was feeling bold. 

Her snickers from beside you caused the rest of your squad to laugh at their now flustered leader. Before getting a chance to speak, Commander Erwin’s words cut through the air like a knife.

“This is the 54th Scout Recon mission! Our objective is to take back our land that was rightfully stolen from us! My soldiers! Dedicate your hearts!”

A warrior like cry pierced the atmosphere as every soldier raised a single blade in the air, as if calling an early victory. The gate arose from its natural position as the commander ran through first on his horse. Soon, the whole regime followed his every move.

And that’s how you ended up here. Your wandering eyes checked the clear sky for any colorful signals that could pop up anywhere. Your job, as the signaling, was to warn any nearby squads for any titans, especially abnormals. As well as warning, you were to take out any creatures that started going in the direction of the center. 

“We are to meet with the Levi Squad once we see the blue smoke signal! By then, the Hanji Squad will take over our position!” You shouted over your shoulder, receiving nods and a few “Yes Ma’am!”

“Why haven’t we gotten the smoke signal yet?” you muttered and wiped the sweat away from your forehead as your squad continued to advance forward. “We relayed many signals to the defense squads..why haven’t they relayed ours yet..” you trailed off. 

A green smoke signal caught your attention, your back straightening and reaching into the brown pouch on the side of your horse. You pulled out a smoke signal gun and loaded it, lifting your arm into the air as your finger pulled the trigger. Green smoke shot out and emitted from the small weapon, alerting the squads as they relayed the message.

“Two 15 meter abnormals coming from the back! Should we engage in combat, Squad Leader?!”

“Yes!” you yelled, pulling your blades out from their confinements. “I’ll engage with you! The rest of you, pay close attention for any signals!”

You slowed down your horse as you tugged on the reins, hearing the cry of the horse as it changed its course, going to the back. Two titans ran with their arms flailing wildly. How long have they been following?

A hook shot out of your gear and pierced through the thick skin of the monster. Your body thrusted forward as you swung around from behind in the air. You raised both arms up and brought them down on its nape, letting out a grunt at the contact. The grey blades cut the roughness perfectly, the titan immediately falling upon being struck.

Your head lifted up when you saw the other titan was on the ground too.

“Ah, good job Nessa,” you smiled tiredly as the shot of a gun caught your attention.

Blue smoke shot through the air.

The Levi Squad. 

“Perfectly timing Levi, as always,” you whispered and spoke soft words to your horse, as it returned back to you.

The trip to the location of the signal was peaceful, which was surprising. Normally as you ventured deeper into the formation, titans would have been spotted by now. Just where were they?

And why haven’t they showed up yet?

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

I’m standing alone, no way. Calling out your name. 

The sky got grey. A messenger from the upper ranks came down and told you that a detour must be taken. The message came directly from the Captain himself, Levi. Many titans swarmed the vicinity and he deemed that it wasn’t safe for you.

“Safe my fucking ass. I throw my life on the line and this is the appreciation I get?!” you yelled angrily as you disobeyed the messenger’s orders.  

“Wait Squad Leader!” the messenger yelled with a groan as she tried her best to persuade you. “Captain Levi said it wasn’t safe for you to go! There are just too many of them for you to slip right in!”

“Well, you or myself will tell Levi too bad. And it is going to be me,” you spat, venom dripping from your mouth with the words that slipped passed your lips. You were nowhere near upset at the soldier, you were upset with your encourager, who told you that you were capable of anything.

Levi Ackerman didn’t trust your abilities. 

You grited your teeth as you kept your head down, your horse sprinting faster than ever, leaving your squad behind. You were acting on impulse now, you weren’t level headed anymore. You couldn’t think about the situation at hand. Angry thoughts were flowing in and out of your brain at a speed you didn’t know you could think at. 

You understood that Titans were surrounding the area, but not continuing the plan could mess up the whole formation, let alone the expedition. This would cost more casualties than it should. 

A droplet of water landed upon your head as you craned your neck back, looking up at the thick grey blanket that shielded the earth from the sun. Clear liquids fell from the clouds and landed on your supple flesh. Rain began to flood over the earth as a groan of annoyance rumbled from your throat. You pulled your hood over your head as you finally entered the forest, where the center ranks are at.

Where Levi was at. 

Your horse followed the dirt trail as you eyed the ground beneath you. Countless removed limbs from the deceased were tossed around like toys. The once dried up blood was becoming wet once more from the rainfall. Headless bodies were sprawled on the floor, some in rather weird positions, or some in peaceful layouts as they said their final goodbyes to the world.

“She lost her brother a month ago,” you whispered breathlessly as you passed by a young soldier, a female who was laying down by the river. Blood was smeared across her face. Her brother was a part of your squad, and like you said, he was eaten by the titans.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?!”

Your head snapped in the direction of a familiar voice. Your eyes trained ahead on a small figure, resting on a tree branch as the titan they had just fought, fell to the ground.

Levi panted softly as he wiped the blood off of his face with the back of his head. The steam began to emit as the redness began to fade away. Seeing you here was a total shock for him. Hadn’t you received his orders?

“You’re going to get yourself killed!”

“I’m fine Levi!” you yelled as you zipped up to a tree across from him. Multiple titans were running this way, but Squad Levi was handling it. Miche was nowhere to be seen, he was usually the nose of the team, the spotter of the Survey Corps. “Why don’t you trust me?!”

“I do trust you!”

“Then why wouldn’t you let me come?!”

Levi opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. His eyes flickered between your eyes and body language. Your hands were shaking, the blades in your hands weren’t steady as they normally were. 

The look in your eyes was far from normal. They had an animalistic glint to them. He noticed the way your jaw tensed up as you awaited his answer. 

This wasn’t looking good.

The words you told Levi, two weeks prior to the mission, was all he could think about. The information that you stated about your dreams and nonsense about dying was enough to shake him up inside. He was definitely concerned and wanted to keep you as safe as possible.

Speaking with Commander Erwin on this topic was downright useless. The blond did not change his plans, even though he felt pity for the short captain. He couldn’t switch up the formation and risk everyone's life for one person.  It was positioned that way for one reason only; to take back their freedom. 

How did this happen?

Why did it happen?

How could you be standing there perfectly fine, and now chaos ensues?

How.

It was too fast, faster than Levi could ever expect. A large abnormal, no signals from the squads up ahead even warned the two of you. The titan ran forward and dove across, reaching a hand and snatched you with its hand. A terrified scream rang throughout the area as the sounds of birds crying from above flew away.

A bird that you envied. 

With its creepy smile and beady eyes, the titan stood up slowly and stared down at you with a look that only a predator would give its prey. The vice like grip around your body began to slowly tighten with each millisecond. A cry of pain slipped past your precious lips as an audible crack was heard, the sound of your ribs breaking under your skin.

Your small arms raised up the blades as you tried slashing at the heated and bruised skin. Anything would be better. Just something.

“Levi help me! Please! Save me!” You screamed as you stared at the man with terror. This wasn’t the look you always wore. You had the look of a confident soldier. A soldier who was ready to risk their life for the cause.

It’s happening. 

Why wasn’t he moving? 

His worst nightmare was happening right in front of his eyes. His dreams that were past memories, the most terrifying dream of them all, was becoming reality. And there was nothing he could do.

His feet moved on their own as he jumped off of the branch, his hooks piercing the gruesome beast. His blades were ready as he neared the creature.

Time seemed to be too slow. 

The sharp disgusting teeth of the Titan dug into your side, biting a chunk off. Your blades fell out of your hands and landed on the floor. Your nails dug into the skin as you cried for mercy, begging Levi to hurry up, begging him to do anything.

The weapons of his struck the nape, perfectly slicing it off with a scream. The titan’s eyes rolled back into its head before falling to its knees. The game of the monster loosen its grip on you, your frail and bleeding body falling out of its hand and landing on the floor like a rag doll.

Harsh pants of air slipped past his quivering lips as he watched the red from inside of your body, pour out. There was no chance in saving you. You were a goner. 

“Levi..why did you let me die..?” you meekly asked, looking forward up at the sky. 

His eyes widened when he looked down at you, falling to his knees. You didn’t say that, his mind was playing tricks on him. His dream was slowly making its way into his subconscious and making him think that it was real. 

“You let me die, Levi. Now you’re all alone,” you repeated, turning your head to face him. “Why Levi? I thought you loved me? I loved you...”

“I do love you,” he pleaded as he grabbed your fragile hand. “Why would you think otherwise?!”

“W-What?” You choked out, spitting up blood. Your eyes were getting heavier by the second, but you fought against the urge to close them. “I don’t think otherwise, Levi..I know you love me.”

He was losing himself. He began to panic as the warmth of the blood began to puddle underneath you and seep into the grass. His hair began to stick to his forehead from the rain. The droplets of water landed on your face as it began to rain harder. A smile overtook your face as you looked over at him. “Levi..”

“Thank you, Levi.”

“No no don’t say that!” he yelled suddenly as he hung his head, gripping onto your hand and bringing it closer to his face. The body heat you produced was slowly slipping away, the cliff called life, you held on for a few seconds longer, giving anything to get back on top of it. Instead, it was getting harder and harder to stay aboard. 

“You’re going to survive dammit! That’s an order, do you hear me?! Survive!”

“Do you remember how I dreamt about being a bird?” you asked softly, your vision getting blurry as every second passed. “I think..I could become one now..”

“No you won’t become a bird because you’re going to survive! Remember our tea shop? You told me you would open one with me.”

A weak laugh passed your lips as you stared up at the grey sky before averting your gaze to Levi’s terrified look. “Cheer up...yeah?”

“How am I supposed to cheer up when you’re dying?” he asked, his voice cracking as he rubbed his cheek against the back of your hand. “You’re leaving me like everyone else has..like my mom, Isabel, Farlan..and now you.”

“You’re a fool if you think I’ll ever leave you,” you coughed harshly, the blood splattering on his once white cravat. “Here, always.” you shaikly raised a finger and poked at his chest, where his heart would be. “We’ll all be watching you L-Levi..”

“Y/N..”

“I love you, Levi. Make sure to name a drink after me..”

A shaky breath escaped his lips when your pupils enlarged, and a dull look grew in your orbs. Your chest stopped moving up and down shaikly as he heard your last breath, and your last words being his name. You left with a smile. Your lips were curled in a heartbreaking smile, the last tears fell from your eyes as your eyelashes stayed damp from the rain. The blood never stopped, only seemed to come out faster. A lineage of blood trailed from the corner of your mouth, running down the side of your face. Your hair damp and soaked up with blood, the baby strands clinging onto your forehead. There was a scar by your eye, you must have accidentally caught yourself with your blades.

The lump in his throat began to get bigger as he sniffled letting his head fall backwards as he let out an ear shattering scream of agony. His hands gripped the brown straps of his uniform as his throat vibrated from the trauma it was currently going through. The blood your body has shed, was now on his hands. Figuratively and literally. The lineage felt slippery between his cold fingers. It felt foregin.

Kuchel Ackerman, his mother who had left him behind in this world to let him fend for himself. The first person who showed him love and kindness, said goodbye in the sweetest way that he would never forget.

Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church, his first and only close friends at the time. The trio of criminals living their life carefree underground before the Scouts came and had no choice but to join the regime. Turning his back to them for a second, got them killed. If only he were there faster, they would have been here. 

Y/N Y/LN. His lover. The one that was there to support him through day and night. The one who reassured him that nothing would ever happen to the pair. The one he day dreamed about spending his days with. The one who went out of their way to do things for him, big or small. The one who loved him.

The one who called out his name. 

Was now joining the three most important people that were in his life. Those that swore to be there no matter what. 

His eyes fluttered open as he stared up at the sky. The rain had stopped as the clouds began to fade away. The harsh light of the sun peeked out from its restraints, the soft yellow lighting up the field. His tears began to dry up as the sun illuminated light, downwards to where he had been sitting and the dead body beside him. 

The noise of a bird tweeting caught his attention as he moved his head, staring to the side. Not far from where he was at, a blue bird was sitting on a branch. It ruffled its feathers as it made eye contact with him, tilting its head to the side before flapping its wings and flying away. 

“You damn brat..a fucking bird,” he whispered and stared down at your body. He shaikly reached over and pressed his palm against your eyes, silently shutting your eyes, leaving you at rest.

He let out a shaky sigh and stared down at his lap. His white pants had become a dark red. He felt sick to his stomach as a silent tear traced down his pale face.

“I let you die.. I’m sorry Y/N. I failed you,” he whispered and fell forward, on his hands and knees as he squeezed his eyes shut, opening his mouth for open sobs to release. He could no longer conceal the pain he felt inside. His head shook as the liquid of tears emerged from his eyes, the droplets falling and hitting the ground.

No matter how many times he could come to terms with your death, it would never subside the pain of not being enough, not being strong enough to save you.

Your words before leaving this earth rang in his head, playing like a song or the words of a preacher. The shaky tone outline with gentleness was more overwhelming than he could ever imagine. Your smile kept taunting his mind when he completely shut off the world with his eyes. 

How could you have been okay with leaving?

“Why did you leave me?” he questioned softly, his shoulders becoming heavy with grief and despair. “Why couldn’t you have called my name faster..? Why didn’t I hear it fast enough..?”

“Levi..you didn’t let me die..”

The words you last spoken would forever pierce his heart, in a horrible but bittersweet way. The short man that was full of determination and ambition, was beaten to the pulp by the monsters that took away his life, that took away his power. Levi Ackerman, would never be the same as he was when he first met you. Weakness and tears were not for display. 

The traumatized soldier cried for his lover, hours upon hours on end. His cries would be heard at night, for everyone to hear how vulnerable their heroic Captain was. 

I’m crying. Missing my lover, I don’t have the power on my side forever. Oh, where is my lover? And I have no power, I’m standing alone. No way, Calling Out Your Name. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

taglist: @sleepysnk​ @jaegerbomb20​ @reddriot​ @kkiimmberly​ @kingtamakimurder​ @tamasoft​ @byougen​ @spike-this-ass​ @crimsonbows-and-arrows​ @thicmitten @eremiie @basket-flower-chick (message me to be added!)

[admiringlove]

“i should’ve kissed you sooner.”

— welcome to sam’s brewery, where we commemorate reaching 500 customers! this event lasts for one week, and will only take up to twenty orders(as above that can become quite overwhelming).

+order: omg your blog is rlly beautiful!! may i request "i should've kissed you sooner then" with sugawara?? i've been craving sugawara fluff lately. pls make them good friends and that the reader is also a manager for karasuno! thank you! [submitted by anonymous] 

+word count: 0.8k

+author’s notes: hello anon! thank you for participating in this event. i hope you like this <3 to anyone who wants to send a prompt, here is the link to the event masterlist so you can know which shows you can request from!

You never imagined the last three years to be so fulfilling. 

Yet whenever you look back on the memories you've made here, it makes your heart pump faster. Karasuno High has never been so nostalgic until today. Today, when you realize, that this is your last week here. Walking into the gym today, you feel a sense of sentimentality creep into you from behind. The boys have already begun practicing, but there's a gloomy feeling lurking around—and nobody seems to be addressing the elephant in the room. 

"Nice serve!" rings out Sugawara's voice. The voice that makes your heart skip a beat whenever you hear it. The voice that makes the smallest(yet noticeable) blush creep into your cheeks when you can pinpoint whose it is. The voice that made you fall deeper, faster, and stronger. 

And honestly, you don't expect the practice to end as quickly as it does. 

(You were mentally wishing that it drags out forever. Because right now, you were grasping at whatever loose ends this year has left for you.) 

The thread is being pulled out of your hand, and you can't do anything about it. Which, lack for a better word, sucks because there are so many things you wish to say. So many things that have been left unsaid, and you don't know if you'd be able to handle the pain that comes along with goodbye. 

(Truly the best and worst years of your life, aren't they?)

Certainly, walking home with the love of your life that you haven't been able to confess to for a year and a half is mildly, if not violently, infuriating. You were both silent at first, but reminiscing about the times you've spent together unmistakably makes it worse.

"Oh God, remember the time you accidentally threw the broom at my head last year?" Kōshi says, out of the blue, which makes you chortle. You narrow your eyes after regaining composure, flicking his forehead lightly as you say, "I didn't throw it! It was self-defense because you decided to scare me while i was getting the mop from the storage!"

"Same thing! It hurt like a bitch for the week after!" he clutched his stomach, "Man, I still remember the way you fell on the floor after throwing it at me-"

"Kōshi!"

"Sorry!" he stands straight now, placing a hand on your shoulder as support. The wind passing you by is a slow one—one that reminds you of how fast time can slip by, and one that reminds you to do things without regret. 

Looking at the trees nearby, you can feel the slow winter leaves slip into spring. They're transitioning from a crisp, decaying leaf, to lush green or blossom pink. It's now or never, you think.

"Suga," you pause after saying his name, stopping as he continues. 

He's a couple of steps ahead when he looks back at you, the wind chilly, yet warm like a soothing embrace. His pewter hair seemed to flow in the wind like leaves, singing their own song as they rustled on a budding morning.

"You're supposed to talk," he says, walking back to you. His eyebrows furrow at your sudden nervousness—you were fiddling your hand and your eyes couldn't meet his like they did mere moments ago. He begins yet again, more tenderly this time as his hand rests on the blade of your shoulder, "[Y/N]?"

You look up, your eyes screaming ten times the emotions you showed through your expression, and he sighs. He intertwines your hands together, as if understanding right away that you need someone to lean on, and begins walking. 

But you want him to stop. Your voice is hitched in your throat, because all you can think about is how this is one of the last times you'll be walking alongside the boy you're in love with, and that after this week, everything would come crashing down. 

"Wait," you mumble upon reaching your home. He stops just as he's about to walk away, yet he doesn't turn. He just stands there, and he can hear your footsteps coming closer and closer. He wants to raise his hand and wipe the one stray tear on his cheek away. 

He doesn't want to lose you. 

"You're cry-"

"I like you," he says before you can even complete, and then shuts his eyes as tightly as he can. He only opens them back up when he can feel your soft touch on his jaw, but it doesn't last long because your lips are on his before he can even comprehend what's happening.

In that kiss was the sweetness of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment. It felt raw—tears running down his cheeks as you wipe them off after pulling away for air, yet your foreheads remain together as you look into one another's eyes with nothing but love, vulnerability, and compassion. 

"I should've kissed you sooner then," he chuckles to look away, but you know he's only saying it to make the moment more lighthearted.

As if on cue, you reply, "Yeah. You should've."

(Let's just say they were the best years, not the worst.)

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[maurenislife]

“My first 5 years being 20″   Important lessons I've learned

“Make your OWN dreams come true” 

      When it comes to your life as a woman, making your own way, on your own behalf Is the most fulfilling thing you could ever imagine. Working your hand and mind to see fourth the visions we dream at night and watch on tv. I mean no better feeling than doing this shit by yourself.

People are unreliable and unfaithful, selfish and they mask it as partnership when subconsciously  they are in tune selfishly and the minute you are a liability

My goals over my 5 years were made alone at my own hand, many people have wanted me as there right hand or teammate. Every time I have turned it down, from a former ex asking me to manage girls in a brothel in Vegas or girls asking we could “team” up and dance, or team up and freestyle, countless times of people tempting me in certain games as teams. all of it is smoke and mirrors, 

The biggest lesson here is EVERYBODY wants to be the leader... 

with that being said lead yourself. 

Let no man say they made you, Let the stories and facts speak for themselves make your own dreams come true. { don't get it twisted I said “MADE”}

let no person make you, every move is cause YOU MADE IT.  Independently think for yourself regardless of outside opinion. You are the last factor act like it.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Drugs aint even that bad”

Your parents were wrong, drugs are fun and I don't really regret using them espically when you partying or have a heart break or life just rlly sucks or maybe you have shitty memory you can deplete or Jog it up depending on what you take. do whatever you want despite people judging, if you wanna pop a pill or smoke or snort just try it once. CAUTION only buy drugs if u know its safe  dnt die or nothing. 

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“99% of men are losers” 

Most men will disappoint you, no he isn't the one, almost none of them are the one. Why just look around, scroll on your phone. this is it. keep them if u get em. they will never be what u want them to be 

don't ever “ken” a man. yes he might come nice as pictured but remember buy him whole. NOT SEPERATELY. you can't build a man. You cant buy him boat accessories and put him on a boat. He has to bring his own boat and accessories so he can be who he originally was intended to be. a good man is naturally a good man. they are just hard to find

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Always agree to the spontaneous”

Life is crazy, everyday people are scared of everything, don't be scared go but tickets or agree to accompany the random trip. Don't be a scary ass bitch.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Somebody always loves you”

You may think nobody likes you or even wants anything to do with you but I guarantee one soul gives a fuck about you. yeah, nobody might say it but sit in silence and think about it. you will be able to feel somebodies love. do this in a non narcissistic way. From afar somebody loves u iswtg

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Its okay not to know things or find out”

Alotta things you may never know, once this is accepted I promise you will be breezy. shit happens cause it happened. focusing on why and lore and bts JUST STOP. People suck and that's just life. 

       once u ask I promise you'd never wanna know. Interpret life on your own terms. All feet in reality isn't a fun foot to have. Also knowledge is power but more powerful when silent, only omit your intelligence to inteligent people.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Friends are your lifeline”

NO MATTER WHAT, friends are forever, no matter how bad y'all get into it or disagree or fight or anything. MAKE UP, no man will have ur back like your friends, nobody will love u more, nobody will consider you more, friends make life worth living. I almost didn't have friends my first 5 years but god sent me three of them. I never pray but I did pray for my friends, to have them.

 I used to cry myself to sleep in that apartment with my ex a few nights just wanting a friend they are irreplaceable.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Don't put off pain”

The more you hurt, you will fuck everything up, so cry everyday for months if that means u wont do anything crazy, its ok to hurt shit hurts a lot 

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Journal your life”

ive been journaling since 2018 I believe I don't regret it, watching your life thru a series of phases within text and also thru reflection wowwwwwww, it offers a 3d perspective on a lot, and you can smile or cry and also have insight on the past. its a personal time machine, once you kept one for a year you'll do it another year and so on etc. KEEP ONE never too late.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Money comes and goes” 

don't stress bout money, cause one day you'll have 1,000 and another day you will have 5. WHY? cause money comes and goes. its about what you do with your money RIGHT NOW that determines the longevity of it. Take advantage of each time you encounter money or you'll become like the people around you.

This advice is the hardest to take, you see people with shit and you might become envious. TRUST ME, focus on your own grass. cause its the only one that's in your name. Be patient. If you bout your hustle, it comes easy, the more you are distracted with the “keep up” you'll fall like them. 

If you want 1,000 a week, you want 500 plus is night, idk your goals.

 it can be done, but its not a lay back relax deal. Anybody will tell you hard work is hard work, 

walking in high heels dancing on a pole 

serving coffee

getting yelled at while at your desk 

storing packages

sewing purses

nothing comes easy (everybody works ^^) 

DONT BE OBLIVIOUS to what it takes to get nice things with it attached to YOUR name.

independence never came easy its earned.

Don't listen to no bitch or man talk about easy money...... if it sounds like it will fix all your problems it wont. 

listen to famous people dead.. alive past or present. more money more problems. use ur head plz n thx

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯

“Be yourself regardless”

Being yourself is not the virtue people claim its often embarssing, sometimes you will curse yourself and wish to live in another body and wish to erase your brain, but don't.

Leaning into who you truly are while sometimes reality stomps on you, the other side is rewarding a slow burn, but a constant one, your fire never dies.

Your inner light no matter bright or dim, its on.

and its found

Being yourself means a lot in a world of people wanting to adapt new personalities and wanting to b like others. nothing wrong with mirroring if u cant help it but go find yourself. Who you truly are is like finding the key, it opens up how life shoulda been. and boom your slightly more identifiable than your counterpart. its not always fun but 

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──╯