#not that i care for french but at least the teacher is nice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thisgirlnamedblusy · 1 year

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hi!! i have been eating up marilyn content and i love love your writings so i was wondering if i could request a teacher x student maybe?!

the girl is french, short, blonde and a siren!! she's very quiet but begins to open up to marilyn as being such a friendly teacher and they begin to have this fascination with eachother maybee,, she starts giving marilyn gifts for being so kind to her and lingering around her, basically as much affection that she can communicate,, if smut is okay, with marilyn growing attached and wanting more with her, more rough and then she is also teasing and playful?

sorry i'm so !! i have never requested anything before,, thank you for considering if you do!! <3

Yesss!!! I've read your add-on too :)!!! Here it is!!! I hope you like it, and sorry about the language mistakes

Nouvelle étudiante

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill x Fem, Student, Siren! Reader

Warnings: Smut, all Marilyn’s usual kinks

Word count: 3,556

Summary: You’re new at Nevermore, and you feel strange there. Maybe one of your teachers can be so kind to fascinate you…

N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!!

“Don't worry, here you can be one of us,” Bianca, your classmate, told you while you went to your second class of your first day.

You nodded head down. She was a mermaid like you, but that didn't make you feel any better. You were in Nevermore, in the United States, far away from home. Apparently the French coast is not the most suitable place for a siren.

After several boats ran aground on the cliffs, everyone became suspicious of you. Neither you nor your parents knew what to say to them. Although if they had been reasonable people, probably blaming the storm that hit the coast those days, would have been enough to them.

It was a very different place, too far from home, too far from everything you held dear. Apparently there the sirens were everywhere. Each one with its own story, and with a bit of pride. You never considered your condition an advantage, or a method to achieve any goal. Your grandmother took it upon herself to teach you the importance of being a siren, of doing good things and not using your song except to protect yourself from danger.

Language was not a problem for you at all, but still you barely spoke to anyone. You were too overwhelmed by the whole place and you were already quite shy. According to your new companion, that was not a very common trait in mermaids and she would "take care of changing it".

Your first class was as embarrassing as you imagined. You had to speak, to tell your life to those strangers, or at least try to. According to Bianca, your next class was botany. It wasn't something to dislike, plants were good for you, but just the idea of having to be the center of attention again gave you chills.

Entering the old building you swallowed hard. You were nervous, and there were still people who had not noticed your presence and were looking at you curiously. A hand on your shoulder distracted you from your fears. You turned abruptly.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You are (Y/N), right?”

It must be the teacher. You nodded, looking closely at that woman, who smiled innocently at you. It seemed nonsense to you, but somehow you saw something different in her. Something you were desperately looking for since you arrived at the academy, kindness.

“The cat got your tongue?” She joked in a nice way. Your cheeks flushed, looking around. Fortunately, it seemed that no one was paying attention to that conversation.

“Oui, I mean, yes, it's me,” You said, unable to avoid answering in your language. It seemed like an eternity had passed since you last spoke.

“Great, my name is Marilyn Thornhill, I'll be your botany teacher,” she said kindly, shaking your hand.

No teacher had the courtesy to greet you during the two days you were there. That gave you some hope.

“How was your first class?” She asked, waiting for the rest of students to take their seats.

You didn't answer, you just shrugged. You weren't going to tell her the terrible ridicule your teacher put you through.

“Well, take it easy. It may seem like it, but I don't bite,” she said winking at you. A chill ran through your body, without really knowing why. “And I'm not going to make you stand up in the middle of the class to tell your story. You see, I'm new here too and I know how embarrassing it can be.”

You felt great relief. No doubt that woman was good, understanding. Now the plants attracted you a little more, although you struggled to recognize that they really were the plants and not something else...

“Merci, madame,” you said, smiling for the first time in a long time. Marilyn smiled too.

“Well, go sit down, I'm glad to meet you,” she said, clapping her hands together.

You felt somehow disappointed by the brevity of that conversation, but you nodded and complied, sitting in the front row.

It was not a boring class. Marilyn tried very hard to get your attention. Not everyone liked plants, but her admiration went much further. She treated them delicately, as if they were something precious, unique.

The whole class was silent. It was your usual state, it wasn't something extraordinary, but Bianca insisted on talking to you, and you only responded with gestures, not wanting to miss a single word from the redhead.

When the bell rang, the “wonderful Barclay” nudged you.

“Hey, what's wrong with you?” She asked with a frown. You shook your head and rolled your innocent eyes. “I've been talking to you all the time, and you haven't answered me.”

“Um.. I don't like to talk in class,” you said awkwardly.

“You don't like to talk at all, from what I see. It's funny, my mother always said that there was a special connection between sirens...” She explained to you. You wanted to listen to her, you really did, but your eyes went to the back of the class, where Marilyn was picking up the stuff she had been teaching.

“Well, are you coming to the cafeteria? It's our free time.”

“I'm going later,” you said making a gesture with your hand. Bianca was taken aback by your reaction, but she came out of the conservatory muttering something that surely wasn't praise.

The redhead didn't realize you were there until you cleared your throat. As she did so, she looked up and smiled solemnly.

“(Y/N), how was the class? Is that interesting to you?” She asked, brushing off her hands.

“Oh, oui, yes,” you said nervously. “I never would have imagined that there was such a variety of plants.”

Marilyn laughed and shook her head.

“You don't have to be so nice, I know that to some of your classmates this class is just to take a nap,” she teased, leaning on her desk.

“I, I really like it,” you said, noticing how your cheeks turned red. Something had caught your eye, and you wished it wasn't one of your famous unattainable loves. You had been suffering all your life for noticing the least suitable person.

“Well, I'm glad to hear it,” the redhead said, without removing that friendly smile from her face.

“Can I… Can I help you?” You asked without thinking too much. Marilyn blinked rapidly, as if this kindness was something strange.

“Wow, nobody had ever offered to help me pick up all of this,” she said, surprised, but pleased. “If you want… Although I don't want you to waste your free time.”

“No, I don’t care. It's not like I had something better to do either...” You said sighing.

“Don't you get along with your classmates?” Marilyn asked, with a slightly maternal tone.

“I haven't had the chance to meet them. I'm just… I'm very shy,” you said embarrassed. You didn't mean her to pity you, but it was the truth. That was a totally new environment for you, and even under normal circumstances you were never a very sociable person.

She laughed softly.

“Don't worry, I understand you. I already told you that I am also new. I know how difficult changes are, and even more so if you've come so far.”

You were very appreciative of that understanding. No one in that place seemed to have it.

“At least you are like them. I don't,” the redhead sighed, handing you a small pot so that you could place it in its place.

“What do you mean?” You asked curiously.

“Haven't they told you? It surprises me. It's usually the first thing they say about me when someone new arrives. It's kind of a tradition, you know. “Well, did you know that Ms. Thornhill is a normie? Breaking news”

You didn't understand the meaning of that word and frowned.

“Excuse me, Normie?”

“Yeah, well, you know, people without... Special abilities, normal people,” she explained, a bit confused. “How do you call them in France?”

You shook your head, setting the small pot on a table in the corner.

“I Don't know. In my town was my family and then the rest of the people,” you commented.

“Oh,” she said nodding, quite interested.

“They have never done anything to us, but last month there was a storm and some ships sank. They couldn't blame the weather, so they blamed me. This is why I'm here.”

“What a pity, I'm sure it's been very hard for you,” she said, getting dangerously close and doing something that almost made you faint, gently caressing your cheek.

It was comforting but strange at the same time. It was an unexpected gesture. Even someone who had appeared there at the time might have found it inappropriate in some way.

“Well… No… It hasn't been so bad,” you stuttered, marking your French accent without meaning to. It always happened to you when you got nervous.

After two weeks, you stopped feeling out of place. You were more animated and you made friends. You still didn't talk usually, but at least you did and Bianca stopped picking on you and telling you how weird you were for being a siren. You even signed up for the choir. Your singing was not going to save you from any danger, you had a medallion that prevented its effects, but your voice was still heavenly, and being the only one who spoke French made you to earn some extra points.

There was something else that caused that change in your mood. Something totally unexpected.

Marilyn and you started talking after class. With her you felt safe in your first days. She was a kind, friendly teacher. With her you could talk about your problems, your insecurities, and even she seemed to trust you more, and tell you some of hers.

That was not supposed to happen. No one would deny a student the right to get along with a teacher. But the conversations you had were getting deeper and deeper.

Within a few days it was clear to you that you liked her, a lot. But you decided to shut up. There was no way the feeling was mutual. Still, you allowed yourself to have some details with her. Not because you were slowly falling in love with her. You used the excuse of thanking her for everything she had done for you. You didn't know how to show more affection than that gestures, a gift, two, three a day. Your visits to Jericho's flower shop became more and more frequent. They were always flowers, and she always loved them.

The meetings at night did not take long to appear. You weren't interested in the endless ‘girl talk’ at Bianca's room, or the clandestine parties being thrown in some kind of club or secret cult.

You were only interested on meeting her every night. You chatted, you laughed, your relationship had long since it transcended pure innocence.

One of those nights, without warning, she walked up to you, without saying a word. As if it were a dream, she placed her lips on yours, with a delicacy that seemed to stop time. You didn't understand anything, you only thought you were dreaming, that your senses betrayed you. Nothing of that. It was real, it was happening and you couldn't believe it.

It was something that seemed far away, unattainable. But it was happening. There was no regret, no words of forgiveness or nervousness. She was sure of what she was doing, and so are you.

The explanations never came, you didn't want to know them either. It was nicer to think what her motivations could be. Maybe she fell in love with you at first sight, maybe your French accent captivated her, maybe your amulet broke and you were accidentally manipulating her. No, it wasn't that. You were just two lost souls who had felt rejected by society. Each one with their own problems and their own demons.

It was not right, it was forbidden. The mere fact of kissing you was reason enough for her to be fired from Nevermore, for her to be rejected once again. Just imagining it gave you nightmares. She couldn't leave, she had to stay with you. You would run no better luck. Your parents would probably be called and your little jaunt to America would be over. You were of legal age, there was no crime in what you did, but society would surely be not able to understand it due to its rigid moral and ethical values.

That afternoon you had done your usual routine. You bought a small pot for her, with a flower of magnificent colors. Unfortunately for you, Marilyn wasn't in the conservatory. You huffed in disappointment, but you left that little gift on her desk.

At night things changed. A message from your lover arrived on your phone and you had to skillfully juggle so that your companions did not read it. “I wait for you, same place as always, (Y/N)”

Could it be her mean at the cafeteria? No, it was night and it was closed, in her room? No, too risky. Whenever she sent you a message it was to let you know of any change on your plans. You had to bite your nails not to ask more. Little by little you were gaining confidence, but you didn't want to seem pushy or overly enthusiastic.

Your mind worked for several seconds, and finally came to the conclusion that "same place as always" was none other than the conservatory.

You quietly walked through the corridors of the school, almost completely empty. You always had to walk with a thousand eyes.

A dim light shone on the old glass-enclosed building. It was obvious that she was there, and that she must have already found the flower.

You timidly opened the door. Marilyn was there, admiring your gift. Your cheeks blushed when you saw how that flower looked.

“Oh, (Y/N), it's beautiful. You always manage to surprise me,” she told you as soon as she saw you, approaching to give you a soft and tender kiss.

“It doesn't matter… I like doing it,” you said, turning your ankle on the ground in a childish way. She grabbed your waist and pulled you into a tight hug.

“You're so good…” The redhead whispered, brushing a blond lock away from your face. “Where have you been all my life?”

“Apparently in the wrong continent…” You said, in a slightly more cheeky tone than usual.

Just with her soft grip on your body she could make you so hot that your good and introverted character changed radically. And you didn't do it accidentally, you had a good reason.

“Luckily you're here now…” She told you, with that innocent voice.

You were with other things on your mind. You didn't need her tenderness at that moment, you needed her other side. Her wild and a little darker side. Saying nothing, you moved out of her embrace and walked around her desk, playing with the papers on it.

“What are you doing?” Marilyn asked, looking at you curiously.

“Nothing… Just playing with your papers,” you said suggestively, throwing several of them to the ground. You expected her to take the hint, but she didn't, she just widened her eyes.

“(Y/N)? It doesn't look like you,” she said, bending down to pick up those papers.

You rolled your eyes and sighed. It was very difficult to activate her. Without thinking twice, you put your leg on the table, caressing it gently.

“I think it has given me a leg ache, can you give me a massage?” You asked with dark eyes. She got up with a frown. You must have been making a terrible fool of yourself, but her gaze darkened.

“No, (Y/N),” she said sternly, lowering your leg off the desk. “I didn't expect you to be so rude.”

“Then you should do something about it, right?” You asked ironically. She bit her lip and approached you in a threatening manner, grabbing your chin.

“What I should do with you, huh? I don't think a simple punishment will be enough,” she told you, without relaxing her grip on you. You raised your head smiling to yourself.

Those little games you used to have usually took place on her bedroom. That night there was something in the atmosphere that made you want it right there and then.

“I don't know,” you said defiantly, reaching out a hand to her chest. The redhead jerked it away.

“Poor silly girl…” She hissed. “Are you sure you want to make mommy angry, honey?”

“I'm not afraid of you,” you said jokingly, earning yourself a slap on the cheek.

“You will be afraid, (Y/N). I liked the shy girl you were before… You were so embarrassing… Look at you now, begging for some attention.”

“You know that you don’t like it. You like to tame me…” You said through your teeth.

“You are very cheeky, (Y/N),” she told you, finally releasing you from her grip. “Deep down you just play tough, but you're just a doll. A rag doll that mommy can do whatever she wants with.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” You kept pressing the situation, now with almost total freedom.

The passionate kisses came right after. You were good, innocent, or almost. But in those moments you were invaded by a sensation and a need to be dominated, to have her above you, dominating your spirit. Without giving you time to breathe, Marilyn grabbed your legs and hauled you up onto the table, running her hand up the inside of your uniform skirt.

“I think you need some lessons, (Y/N). You have to learn to be a good girl for mommy...” She whispered to you, while she removed your underwear, without taking off your skirt.

Her breathing was rapid and irregular. She liked that game and she was the one who taught you how much fun it could be, even though it may seem a bit strange.

“What are you waiting for? I'm bored,” you said sighing, causing her nails to dig into your inner thigh, causing you an indiscreet moan.

“My rebellious girl... Don't worry... Mommy is here and she's going to help you to behave...” She said, gently rubbing the place where her nails dug in.

“I'm lost without you, mommy,” you said with a provocatively high voice and looking at your lover piteously.

“I know, sweetheart…” Marilyn replied, giving you a disturbingly tender hug. “Now spread those beautiful legs, honey.”

You nodded biting your lip and obeyed. She gasped and led her hand to your crotch. It was evident that you wanted her very much at that moment, and your body was involuntarily showing it.

“You're so wet, (Y/N), tell me, does misbehaving turn you on? Does it turn you on to make mommy angry?” She asked in a childish tone.

You didn't answer, you just closed your eyes letting yourself be carried away by the pleasure that her touch was giving you. That feeling stopped, and turned into a strong hair pulling.

“Speak, little doll. Say it turns you on, or mommy won't fuck you...” She threatened, her eyes completely covered with lust and desire.

“Oui... J'aime... Me, I like to misbehave... Mommy...” You stammered.

A wicked smile appeared on her face as she let go of your hair and slipped her fingers into your slippery wetness.

Her rhythm was not affectionate, nor calm. It was wild, full of desire and a desire for domination. It wasn't a gift, it was a punishment.

“Look how well behaved are you now, honey…” She said, increasing her speed.

You writhed on the table and threw your head back, enjoying to the fullest that sex that was so different, so forbidden...

“I'm going… I'm going to…” You murmured between moans, unable to resist the intensity of her rhythm. Only Marilyn had achieved something like this in your entire life.

“That's it, my girl… Let yourself go. Show mommy how good you can be...”

She didn't give you time to think of an answer. Soon your muscles tensed and your entire body went rigid, bursting with pleasure.

You were trying to catch your breath, but of course the redhead wasn't going to make it so easy for you.

“On your knees, my little doll... Now you're going to thank mommy for everything she does for you,” she said, pulling down her own underwear.

You were too weak from the previous burst of pleasure, and Marilyn took advantage of that situation to move you just the way she liked, as if you were a simple rag doll.

“That's it, baby… Give mommy all your love…” She gasped when you started to work under her dress.

It didn't take long for her to break free as well, gripping your head tightly, preventing you from pulling away from her.

When you both caught your breath, Marilyn offered you her hand to help you to your feet. She was a perverted sex monster, but as soon as you finished, she was back to her old Marilyn. Good, kind and affectionate.

“I didn't expect this to happen,” she told you, kissing your cheek.

“I did not expect to find someone like you in my life.”

#marilyn thornhill #marilyn thornhill x reader #wednesday #ms thornhill #laurel gates #smut #oneshot

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katastrophic-n3vulaa · 24 days

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if you want a story about 3 people with birthdays on a 6 hour bus in a couple of days and also why my science teacher is amazing then this is a story for you if you can be bothered. idk i dont care but i wanted to actually put this somewhere to remember it.

am going on school camp on the 1st. and we're all going in turns- like, classes are split into weeks into groups. im in the last one bc kayaking and biking were the least popular camps bc snow camp exists (i get it perisher is nice but i would freeze)

anYWAYS

so all of us going in the last week fit on 1 bus because there's not many. and most of my classmates are on this weeks camp, so there are... 6 of us in science&maths, 11 in history, geo, religious studies and pdh, and 5 of us in english. french doesnt exist to me i have a double tmr afternoon and im ignoring it.

anyways bc my science teacher is amazing and also kind of mean sometimes, she had told us she was bringing in a cake. a woolies mud cake- and yeah, she did we ate it in the lab today ignoring the rules.

so i arrive early and see her walking into the room and she like- lifts the woolies bag and so i go 'oh cake' and then there's this conversation and somehow we get to the fact that my laptop says it's 2am at 830 in the morning and i need to reset it and it is definitely not relating to my godawful sleep schedule. then she says 'you could be dreaming' then my other 2 classmates who were late walk in and im like 'she bought the cake' and she THEN SAID 'no its my lunch' and so i look at her like 'what.' and she laughed and then i explained why i thought it was cake and the weird time on my laptop and she said 'you could be dreaming' and then i said 'no bc if it was a dream you would have the cake' then she said 'no i have the cake' and uiweorghjkdfs

i love her but wow. i mean i cant say shit i am also a menace to friends but STILL. (after we finished the work we also had an argument about the best season and she says winter despite living in australia then we got onto how annoying it is to be cold when doing a sport then she pulled a 'BACK IN MY DAY I GOT UP AT 4AM FOR SWIMMING' and we laughed bc she isnt old- like. early 20s- and yeah i love my science teacher. summer is the best though)

OK BACK TO CAMP.

so of those of us that are going on camp, it is one of my classmates' birthday on the 30th, his friend's on the 31st and mine on the 1st, and bc the drive down to the pack site is on the first (then we split into camps & groups) and it was also my science teachers bday yesterday - the three of us w/ bdays are bringing stuff for us as if we're gonna share but no. the probably stupid amount of treats will be for only the three of us bc its a 6 hour drive. and we're very funny.

but also bc we're the last camp, everythig is due the week we get back???? so this week is speedrun finish things and oreygwhbfjdkn i hate maths criterion c assessments they kill me. so much.

anyways. some people in my classes are ass. some of them i absolutely love.

#miss yim i love you.#kat's rambles #archive #kat's archive #i love some of my classmates #luckily most of the ones i hate are dead to me for this week. aside from a couple in my geo core class (the one with 11)#and my science teacher brought cake.#i love her #kat's unnecessary rambles about her day #story #idk

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existential-life-crisis · 1 month

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☆ Get to know me :) (updated)☆

Hi! A bit of info to start with: I'm a minor; a lesbian; and a cis girl (she/her).

Ethnicity and language

I live in England and currently only speak English fluently however I am currently studying both French and German! (German is definitely my favourite of the 2)

Subjects and Interests

My favourite subjects are Maths and Classical Civilisation but I enjoy most subjects. (Lessons can still suck tho bc dam some teachers can be boring)

I enjoy drawing, playing games, reading (books and fics), listening to music and watching youtube.

Video games

I have a few favourite games at the minute:

• Hades

• Horizon: Zero Dawn and Forbidden West

• Genshin Impact

Finished games I still love:

• Astro Bot (its a vr game abt a little robot)

• Spiderman PS4

• Spiderman PS5 Miles Morales

• Portal 1 and 2 ♡♡♡

I am also 100% a completionist so if I finish a game I probably have 100% on it.

Reading

My fav books are everything Rick Riordan but i plan to read some other stuff as well soon.

My fav characters from the main series are Nico, Leo, Frank and Lester/Apollo but I do love pretty much all of the main cast. I haven't read Magnus Chase or Kane Chronicles since I was a kid so I'm gonna reread those before deciding favourites but I think they were Alex and Carter. Also, in love with all of the side characters even if they are 90% hc.

My fav canon ships/friendships are

• solangelo (Will x Nico)

• percabeth (Percy x Annabeth)

• frazel (Frank x Hazel) (But I do hc that either Frank was younger or Hazel was older bc the age gap was a bit strange in canon, being 13 and 16. Its a bit inconsistent , as all ages are in PJO, but if time works normally Hazel should be 14 and therefore definitely older than Nico too but thats a topic for another time)

• shelper (or shipper as I like to call them) (Shel x Piper)

• Lost trio (platonic)

• PJO trio (platonic) (Grover my baby, why must they always forget you)

• Lester and Meg (I dont think i have to say this but platonic) (please say I don't have to say that. No one ships that right)

• Reyna and Thalia (platonic) (omg let aroace characters exist in peace) (no hate if u ship it but my gods)

Fanon ships/friendships

• Valgrace (Leo x Jason) (but aroace Leo is still amazing)

• Pollen (Apollo x Darren) (Is this entirely about Dear Reader by wrongcaitlin? Yes. Do I care? Nope. Am I insanly invested in their relationship? Oh absolutely.)

• Nico and Leo (platonic) (This had no reason to not be canon and had every reason to be and I will never forgive Rick for this until he fixes it)

• Frank and Leo (platonic) (I swear every book they would fix their relationship and then as soonas the next one starts they would hate each other again)

• Nico and evey side character ever (platonic) (especially year round campers) (bc hes genuinely just a nice guy)

• Will and Clarrise (platonic) (this is kinda canon but all we really know is that he can calm her down)

Feel free to ask for fic recs if u want them.

Music

My fav music artist is 'Grandson'. (He writes rock/alternative/indie/rap (?) music often about political/social/personal issues.)

But I listen to tons of other kinds of music too from metal to pop to instrumentals by a ton of different artists:

• Måneskin (italian rock band)

• Polyphia (instumental, primary guitar, math rock)

• Chappell Roan (yk who that is)

• Chase Atlantic (u have probably heard at least 1 of their songs, pop/alternative/indie/r&b)

• Dutch Melrose (alternative/indie/pop)

• Mother Mother (yk who that is right?)

• Eminem (right?)

• MSI (punk/alternative/rock)

And a whole lot more

I also play guitar (acoustic and electic).

Loveeee Spiderman: Into and Across the spider verse.

My fav characters are Miles, Hobie, Pavitr, Spidernoir and Gwen but I love all of them.

Shows:

• Avatar the Last Airbender

• The Legend of Korra

• Batman: the animated series

Beliefs

Im an atheist but I support people of all religions. I support Palestine. I am left liberal (again I'm British so keep that in mind, I know nothing abt US politics besides the basic/well known stuff). I believe in equal rights for all groups and am open to other ideas and perspectives.

If you cant respect that then please get of my page. You don't have to agree with me but you do have to respect me and others.

Thats all for now.

Byeee ♡♡♡

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retrieve-the-kraken · 1 year

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Heartstopper season 2 play-by-play analysis

We’re in Paris! I can’t believe the Paris trip takes up so much of the time of the season. I do love the pacing of the season, and how they distributed events and moments throughout it, making the most of the locations and situations. I know that most interior scenes were filmed back in the UK, but they really squeezed as much as they could from their stay in Paris (and I need all the bts content from that, what we’ve gotten so far is not enough!). Like Trixie Mattel and Katyana said, only two things can shut down the Louvre: Beyonce and Hearstopper, apparently, who would have thought? It felt like such a nice change of scenery, and really gave the show and the characters a whole new dimension.

On with the episode!

EPISODE 4 - CHALLENGE

- The coach is Blue and Yellow™. And of course a lot of green, especially in the form of Charlie’s iconic green Fjällräven backpack and Nick’s hoodie.

- Nick being super sad about not sitting with Charlie, and Charlie trying to be all upbeat about it, and challenging him to not kiss him for two days. I love their banter.

- Tao’s miserable face as he realizes that, not only is Nick sitting with him for the trip, but Elle doesn’t want to sit with him either. And Nick is oblivious to the fact that the date didn’t go well…

- Ben clearly doesn’t realize how indiscreet he is about his fixation with Charlie. Even Isaac notices something strange is up.

- Ugh, I loooove how much we’re slowly inching our way to finding out more about Isaac. I love that he asks Charlie how he knew he liked Nick, and how he’s trying to figure out how this compares to how he feels about James. God, if that hasn’t been my entire life before I realized too…

- If nobody had told me that Kit Connor didn’t speak French before, I would have simply thought “wow, how lucky that they found the perfect Nick Nelson AND he happens to speak French already.” (I really don’t know if it sounds good or not, but it convinced me…) Also Nick’s little excited face when he’s talking to his dad, because he’s still excited about the possibility of seeing his dad, he hasn’t come to the realization that the effort should come from both parts.

- Also Tao’s face when he realizes that Nick is speaking fluent French and he’s not hearing things. And their cute little bonding moment talking about it. Even when Elle looks over at them, they seem to be looking at something (on a phone?) and talking and laughing. Bonding!

- Mr Farouk actually having a little smile on his face when they’re finally in Paris.

- Ugh, seriously, what is up with Ben??? He doesn’t care about even playing it off for Imogen, and she very quickly catches on.

- “I thought you’d find it awkward sharing with Nick. Just standing next to Elle makes me feel like I’m being electrocuted.” I don’t think I’m quite on board with this completely, seeing as in the show Tao already knows about Nick and Charlie… I thought it would have made more sense if he’d been more like “I just want to make sure that there’s no hanky-panky whilst we’re all in the same room,” and then Charlie could get all flustered and go “ugh you sound like my dad, and no, we’re not doing any of that, not yet…”

- But I love that we got the handholding scene across the space between the beds.

- The teachers being so awkward and adorable. Now kyth!

- Tao should have apologized to Elle for what he said, but at least he extended an olive branch in the form of a bottle of apple juice. And she accepted.

- The dynamic between Nick and Charlie has seriously become so perfect and in tune, the way that Joe and Kit riff off each other whilst being perfectly in character is just chef’s kiss.

- Darcy interrupting the kiss made me think of an ideal world in which Darcy gets adopted by Sara, and the Golden Retriever siblings fight about stupid things all the time, like who’s more in love with their respective partner, and who do they think Nellie loves more, and she continuously barges into Nick’s room when Nick and Charlie are making out and goes “sorry for interrupting the gayness, but I can’t find my phone charger, can I borrow yours? Thank you, my twin. You may proceed with the gayness.”

- “I need a drink. An alcoholic drink.” “We probably shouldn’t drink.” “I need a croissant then”. Number one on the quotes that I’m glad made it right off the comic page.

- “Mischief maker. I’ve influenced you.”

- The I heart Paris hoodie, and Darcy touching the bust’s boobs. Peak Darcy.

- James saying that it’s nice to be with other gay people, and Isaac looking a bit uncomfortable… honey, just because doesn’t seem to respond to people of the opposite sex doesn’t automatically make them gay. Unless he’s using gay as an umbrella term…? Instead of queer…? James knows about Darcy and Tara, and about Charlie, but he doesn’t know about Nick, or presumably Sahar. He’s making assumptions about Isaac.

- Nick not getting why people continue to be fascinated by the fact that he speaks French, or the fact that his dad is French. He’s such an oblivious little pumpkin.

- And that heart to heart between Charlie and Tara. “Me and her were all that mattered.” And Tara being jealous about how Charlie and Nick talk about their feelings.

- The Tao and Elle conversation and whole cutesy montage. And Tao making the French tourists crouch for the photo and everything, figuring out how to talk to them without actually speaking French.

- Peak Ben Hope, seeing Nick waving at Imogen and immediately pulling her toward him, in this horribly possessive manner. Glad that Imogen got fed up with him and bolted. Poor thing has been miserable since arriving at Paris because of Ben, and she at least approaches Nick’s group to ask if she can hang out, which could not have been easy (especially to Nick, with whom she had a disagreement).

- By the way, Imogen in her Paris outfit is giving off major Margot Robbie in Barbie vibes.

- Elle asking Imogen if she even likes Ben, which you can tell that Nick so badly wanted to ask (Elle and Nick even exchange knowing glances), but he didn’t because he knew that he had already tried to warn Imogen about Ben, and maybe she won’t listen to him, but she’ll probably listen to another girl.

- Imogen jumping on the TaoElle ship. “Maybe I don’t have the best track record in relationships (looks knowingly at Nick and he laughs), but I think being honest is better than living with regret”. Yes, Imogen. Like when she took a chance and told Nick that she liked him and then asked him out, and even though he didn’t reciprocate, they still ended up as friends, and he’s so protective of her, and he’s probably the best friend she didn’t know she needed.

- Nick internalizing what Imogen just said too.

- Will Gao is so histrionic, I adore him.

- The whole montage of Mr Farouk arguing (is he arguing? Sorry, but to me French men always sound like their arguing) with the waiter without any subtitles, and then going something about no onions and something else and “I’m serious, big man, I get bloated, it’s not funny, cheers”, made me think for a moment that I want to learn French just so that I can know what he was saying. (The moment has passed).

- The whole Nick and Charlie trying not to sit together all the time majorly backfiring when Ben ends up next to Charlie. The horror. Charlie turns his body toward Tao as much as he can without actually sitting sideways, and Nick is about to throw his whole body across the table.

- Detective Imogen is fully on it now, she’s about to blow this whole case wide open.

- I’ve had escargot and I’m never doing that again. It was fun to try, but yeah, I also felt bad for my terrible decision.

- I may never completely understand the magnitude of Charlie’s eating disorders, because I can’t imagine what that’s like (I used to think that I might have an ED because I’m often so particular about food, because of my anxiety, and at times textures and strong flavors can be overwhelming, but I’ve learned to deal with it, the way I managed to overcome it on my own was kind of similar to the way that Noora from SKAM did, but it was never of the magnitude of Charlie or Noora), but I understand the pressure of “oh shit I ordered this and now I have to eat it because people are watching but I really don’t want to” and fearing making myself sick because of the pressure and the shame and the anxiety of feeling trapped in that situation. Made worse, in Charlie’s case, by Ben sitting next to him and actively looking at him.

- “I haven’t spoken to you in ages”. Sir, that is not a coincidence, there’s a reason for it. Don’t pretend like you don’t know it, SIR.

- I love the panicked look on Nick’s face as Ben starts talking to Charlie. He had seen the seating arrangement and panicked, but then he relaxed for a bit, probably thinking “nah, this asshole wouldn’t dare try to say anything to Charlie in front of everyone, he wouldn’t be so bold”, but then Ben is inexplicable… So Nick nearly rushes off his seat to Charlie’s side to do what? Ask Ben to switch seats with him? Just wedge himself in there until the meal is over? He probably has not a clue what he’ll do but by GOD he will stop this interaction before his boyfriend has to endure it any longer.

- Imagine being Ben (just for a painful second), being so self-centered, being so preoccupied with the paranoia of people watching you all the time and watching your every move and trying to figure you out, that you’d go around being an asshole, especially to the boy that you “like”, to the point where those actions and shitty attitude lose you said boy, only for you to lose all self-awareness when in proximity to said boy, and you’re suddenly staring at him openly, trying to strike up a conversation, and not getting the fucking hint that said boy doesn’t want to talk to you, doesn’t even want to look at you. Imagine those walls crumbling down but you’re absolutely convinced they are still up. Imagine that now people can see right through you and call you out, and you get defensive and start calling them names… Imagine being down so bad for someone (or whatever feelings that you might think you have for said boy) that you’re not even making sense anymore, even later boldly telling said boy’s boyfriend that you want said boy back (even though said boy’s boyfriend is basically twice your size and hates your guts and could probably knock you out with a single punch). Imagine…

- But then imagine being Charlie, a curly-haired human embodiment of sunshine and rainbows, and having to sit next to your ex/assaulter. Period.

- Imogen going off on Ben like we all love to see it, but let’s face it, she was kinder than I expected her to be, by telling him he has issues that he needs to resolve. Go to therapy, Ben! Your energy’s off, Ben! She’s basically telling him what Charlie will repeat in other words later, about him working on himself to be better before he hurts somebody else.

- She calls out Ben for being obsessed with Charlie twice very loudly. Ben would rather chew off his own hand before admitting it, but Imogen hit the nail right in the head. ( kinda want to be given a reason why not one of Charlie's friends jumped up at that, like "wait, what is this about Ben Hope being obsessed with you?" unless they're waiting for Charlie to bring it up himself it at all. But seeing Charlie's reaction, and Nick's horrified face, you'd think they'd be a little curious as to what that is about...)

- And Elle smiling when Imogen says that it’s time she focuses on herself. Yes, Imogen, stop thinking about boys for a while, and focus on what you want.

- I have rewatched everyone’s faces so many times: from the guy over Imogen’s shoulder laughing and trying to look over, to James catching all the tea, to all of Ben’s mates sniggering, but my favorite is that boy between Ben and Harry with the super-expressive eyebrows very dramatically questioning Ben’s whole attitude.

- As everyone’s been saying, when even Harry Greene calls you out, you know you’ve hit a low point.

- Nick and Charlie coming to comfort Imogen, and her questioning if she should have done that so publicly (the answer is Yes, because he very publicly treated you very badly too, so… tit for tat). And her wanted to make sure if maybe something happened between Ben and Charlie, but then saying it doesn’t matter as soon as she sees how uncomfortable it makes him.

- And her saying that it would be easier if she liked girls, which… how many times do women in general say that? Relationships aren’t easy, no matter who you love, but there’s a preoccupying trend if the consensus is that ‘if sexuality was really a choice, the number of women who would choose to be lesbians is very very high’. What does that say about straight cis men, in general?

- Tao finally getting his head out of his own ass long enough to realize that Nick is really trying to bond with him.

- Tao about Elle “she’s everything, I’m just Ken”.

- Nick being adorable telling him that he thinks Tao is also all those things, and telling him that he does like him.

- I thought that Tao’s whole plan was giving Nick and Charlie privacy by dragging Isaac to the vending machin (And Charlie and Nick making the most of that little privacy). But it’s so sad when you realize that it was because Nick said the word “loudly” to describe him, and it made him remember that it was his loudness that outed Charlie last year. Poor baby.

- Seriously, the chemistry this season is off the charts, the intimacy between Nick and Charlie is so beautiful and warm and Kit and Joe are magical. And the way that they’re always checking with each other. “Is this okay?” A very enthusiastic "YEAH”, “we should stop”, “okay.” Love them.

- Isaac falling asleep with the book on his face is so relatable. How many times have I woken up because I fell asleep reading and the book just smacked me in the face? Too many to count.

- Charlie’s little “oh f—” cut to music.

Ceci episode é brought pour vous by CROISSANTS™. (Je n'e parlez pas français).

#heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #heartstopper analysis #hearststopper netflix #heartstopper in paris #heartstopper play-by-play analysis #nick and charlie #tao and elle #tara and darcy

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michellesmusing · 5 months

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Chapter 4 - The Dream

It was Misha’s first day of school in Biarritz, France. Her father had sent her overseas as Misha had revealed that she wanted to learn French and Nicholae thought it would be good for her to see something else than San Francisco.

She was terribly anxious as she only knew some words in French. To be honest, she couldn’t understand every words said the teacher in the classroom, but it was ok, she’d get better with it.

She was almost on the verge of crying and had to call her father… She exploded, unable to hold back her tears, the 13 years old teenage girl sped out of the classroom in tears in front of all the other students that had no idea why Misha had burst out in tears.

“Mademoiselle Schiller, revenez dans la classe, tout de suite!”

Even though Misha wasn’t speaking French, she had understood that the teacher wanted her back in the class! The problem was writing and speaking the language that was harder for her. Misha didn’t listen to her teacher and ran to her bedroom that was located a few minutes from the school at the students dormitory.

As soon as she stepped inside her shared bedroom, Misha headed for the landline phone and dialed her father’s phone number. She didn’t care that it was the middle of the night in San Francisco, she had to hear her father’s voice and he needed to get in his Jet to reach for her and bring her back to California.

“Papa??” She called for him when he answered the phone.

“Misha? It’s late, are you ok?” She wasn’t! She was on the verge of a mental breakdown. She never thought that being separated from her father would be this hard.

“Papa, please bring me back home, I can’t!! I miss you too much!!!”

Nicholae sighed loudly as he heard Misha crying uncontrollably over the phone.

“Misha, please calm down… Take a deep breath!! Everything will be alright!!”

Nicholae hadn’t only sent Misha overseas so she’d learn French, but things were getting pretty intense lately with his business and especially with Martha Walraven’s arrival in his life, it was only a good thing that Misha was away from all of this…

“Nooo!! Nooo! Please!!! I’ll be a good girl and I will study very hard, every night if you bring me back home! I can learn French In California!” That’s true, she could’ve learned French in California, but Nicholae was persuaded that it was better for Misha to be far away from all of this. At least for a year…

Nicholae chuckled when Misha mentioned that she’d be a good girl.

“I have no doubt about it! You’ll be a good girl and study very hard in France!! Misha, Papa has to go back to bed, it’s the middle of the night here! I’ll call you back at a later time.”

Misha kept on blubbering over the phone as Nicholae ended the conversation and the teenage girl couldn’t take no for an answer. She dialed once again her father’s phone number, but this time Nicholae didn’t answer. He knew what Misha was trying to do here and she wasn’t going to win..

“NOOOOOO!!” She was furious, behaving intensely as her father wasn’t answering anymore. The blonde teenage girl stood up from her bed and was almost on the verge of throwing the wired phone against the wall, but she was taken by a surprise as a teenage boy stood under her door frame.

“Hello!” He shyly smiled at her and Misha wiped the tears from her blue eyes with the back of her hand, narrowing her eyes at the boy while putting down the phone on the nightstand. She recognized him as he was in the same class as her.

“What do you want? Go away!!” Misha was also a shy teenage girl and didn’t have many friends, even at home in San Francisco. As if she didn’t know how to act with people of her age, because she wasn’t like them at all.

“I’m David, I’m just trying to be nice. I know how it feels to miss someone. I also miss my parents, but it’s ok. After a while, we’re getting used to it, you’ll see.” David was simply trying to cheer up Misha, knowing that she was sad.

Misha kept staring at David, he wasn’t tall either and had short dark blonde hair. He did seem to come from a rich family… The way he was behaving with her. He was all polite and nice… He sounded different from the other boys around her age.

“I’m Misha Schiller, nice to meet you David…” Misha finally extended her hand to David’s and shook it. David had been nice with her, he didn’t deserve to be yelled at, even if she was angry at her father.

“It’s my second year here, so I can help you if you want with the French lessons.” David once again smiled at Misha and the teenage girl smiled at him before bursting again in tears.

“I missed my father so much!!” David couldn’t really do a lot concerning Misha who did seem to miss her father very much.

“I’m sorry, it’s never easy the first few days… Perhaps you want to come back to the classroom, it will be better for you than staying by yourself in your bedroom.”

He was a blessing, thought Misha. He was so nice with her and she felt less lonely in his presence.

“Thank you! You’re really kind!” Misha finally dried her tears and returned to the classroom with David.”

“Bon retour Mademoiselle Schiller!” The female teacher welcomed back Misha, and thanked David who once again did wonders by helping a student on her first day of school.

“Aujourd’hui, nous allons découvrir une chanteuse très populaire en France: Mylène Farmer. Le saviez-vous qu’elle est née au Québec?”

The teacher spoke about a female French singer named Mylène Farmer and asked the students if they knew that she was born in Quebec. It didn’t seem to interest anyone at this point and Misha tried to keep herself focused on the teacher at the front of the classroom.

“Bon, parfait, je vous mets une de ses chansons qui a été longtemps au palmarès en 1992. Écoutez la chanson et par la suite, on va voir si vous avez compris les paroles.”

The teacher turned on her iPod and plugged it to a portable speaker and pressed play. The Mylene Farmer song “Que mon coeur lâche” began to fill up the classroom and Misha’s ears became captivated by the melody she had never heard before. Her blue eyes widened and the next thing she knew, Misha’s eyes closed by themselves and allowed to daydream about her forbidden love.. She could well imagine her father coming her way, entering the school’s building to announce to her that he was here to bring her back home…

The song came to its end around 4 minutes later and Misha was disappointed. She’d have listened to the French singer for the rest of the days, but to be honest, she didn’t understand all the words coming from the song. Did it matter? Not really, the song was simply beautiful and Misha had enjoyed it.

“Alors? Une première pour vous?” The teacher had a feeling that it was indeed a discovery for the Students… Misha’s first day of school was coming to an end when David joined Misha outside of the school.

“So? Feeling better?” Misha nodded her head and merely smiled at David.

“Yeah we could say this!” Misha strolled slowly next to David before turning around and glancing at him.

“Where are you from?” Asked Misha.

“I’m from Bangor, Maine.” Misha raised an eyebrow at David and laughed.

“Never heard of the place before, but I know where the state of Maine is!” David laughed, finding Misha funny.

“Alright my turn… Where are you from?”

“Belgorod.” Misha quickly grasped the confusion on David’s pale face.

“Uh? Where is that?” Misha chuckled, wondering if she was telling David or not.

“Ok, I will tell you! It’s in Russia…” David became mesmerized by Misha’s revelation.

“Oh, wow! I wouldn’t have known. It’s cool!! Bangor sounds so cheap next to your birthplace haha!!” Both of them kept walking together, asking questions as they were trying to get to know each other.

“Thank you for everything, I really felt lonely today. When I told my father that I wanted to learn French, I thought he was going to find a French teacher that would’ve taught me French during weekdays, but instead, he sent me over here, telling me that it would be an unforgettable experience for me…”

David displayed a compassionate smile and reassured Misha that everything would be fine. Both of them returned to their bedrooms at the dormitory as the evening was approaching. All the students had to be inside the dormitory after 6:30 PM as this was the ultimate rule to be respected.

Misha had taken her shower and was getting ready for bed, when the phone in her bedroom rang. She jumped on the phone like a dog on a bone and took the call.

“Hello???” She knew who it was on the other end of the phone…

“Hello Misha! How was your first day?” The mere tone of her father’s voice coming through the phone was enough to send her again in tears.

“Please Papa! I don’t know what I did, but I want to come back, please!!!” Nicholae shut his eyes for a moment as Misha once again begged him to bring her home.

“Misha, you’ll have to get used to it! It’s only for 5 months, I will then come back for you for the summer vacations. It will go super fast and you will beg me to let you go back to France…”

She wanted to believe her father, but she just wanted to be with him in San Francisco and not stuck in that school. She wasn’t motivated anymore to learn French, she even hated the language to be honest.

“Nooo! Please!!! Papa!! Please!!!” As Misha grew up to become a teenage girl, she became more clingy toward Nicholae. Afraid that her father would die. She was afraid when he was traveling with his jet, she was very anxious when he was going away for a few days for his business trips. To be far away from her father was a very stressful situation for Misha and she couldn’t handle it properly. Her only natural response was to cry and beg her father like a helpless child, hoping to return home…

Her call with her father abruptly cut off for no apparent reason and even though Misha tried to call back her father, it wasn’t ringing at all. She was desperate and her first night in her bedroom far away from her father proved to be sleepless and filled with nightmares when her eyes found a moment of peace.

3 months later, Misha was beginning to live normally with the absence of her father. It wasn't easy but it didn’t seem like she had no other choice at this point. Her father was calling her 3 times a week, and sometimes she was also facetiming him with the teacher’s smartphone. It was better than nothing, thought Misha…

One day, she was in her classroom working on a project with David and Julia, and they were allowed to listen to music on their iPod with their earbuds. Just as her eyes stared at the window, Misha perceived a man walking on the grass field outside. A tall, dark haired man with ray ban aviator sunglasses covering his eyes and a dark brown leather jacket paired with a pair of dark pants… She gasped as her eyes instantly recognized the man coming toward the school’s entrance. “Lightning Crashes by Live" was the song playing at the moment her eyes encountered her father, it couldn’t get more perfect than this.

“PAPA!!” Like a bolt of lightning, Misha stood up away from her school desk and stormed out of the classroom so fast that the teacher and the other students didn’t understand what was going on with Misha.

“Mademoiselle Schiller, le cours n’est pas terminé!!!” The teacher sighed loudly, irritated by Misha’s behavior as she ordered the teenage girl to come back to her desk as the class wasn’t yet over. You think that Misha had even heard the teacher?? She still had the song playing on her iPod and her earbuds glued to her ears. She was already running through the school hall in the direction of the main entrance. The confusion set in as Nicholae passed through the entrance and that Misha didn’t even know how to deal with her feelings anymore.

Oh, now feel it coming back again

Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind

Forces pulling from the center of the Earth again

I can feel it

Strong emotions took hold of her and the teenage girl stood in the middle of the hall, her blue eyes set on her father, almost thinking that she was dreaming as she was standing a few feet from her father. No matter how far she had been away from him, her attraction for her father was stronger than before and even though she knew that it was wrong, that little girls weren’t supposed to be in love with their father, Misha just couldn’t help it.

“Papa??” Her father hadn’t really changed since the last time she had seen him, but as for Misha, she had grown up a tiny bit and had cut her hair into a short pixie hairstyle instead of the shoulder length haircut she had since she was 9 years old.

Nicholae flashed a large smile at his daughter, glad to see her. He thought that she even looked younger with that haircut, giving her this mischievous apperance. He chuckled heartily when she sprinted toward him and jumped in his arms.

“PAPA!!!!” Misha clung to Nicholae and loudly cried in his arms. Nicholae caressed the side of her head and hugged the top of her head. Misha took a long sniff of her father’s perfume coming from his neck… Nothing could get better as when her father was using “La Nuit De L’homme” by Yves Saint Laurent. The notes of Lavender and Musk emanating from his neck was so recomforting that Misha tried to capture this moment forever in her memory.

“I’m here baby girl! I’m here!! She reunited with her father, but Misha thought that Nicholae had come to her so she’d return with him in California, but alas her dream had been shattered into pieces as Nicholae returned home without her… It was just a little visit to see how his daughter was doing mentally and physically. The teachers had mentioned Nicholae that Misha was suffering from Separation Anxiety, none of them had guessed that it was more than this.. That’s why Nicholae had made this special trip to see Misha.

When Nicholae departed from the school, Misha became very emotionally unstable, running behind her father’s suv. She was crying and screaming, ordering him to come back. The SUV never stopped and Misha became breathless as she ran as fast as she could behind the vehicle that was speeding away from the school street.

************

Present time - 2021

This scene of her father leaving the school without her traumatized Misha to the point of sending her in tears in the middle of the night several weeks back in 2013…

Even 8 years later, Misha still had this exact same scene as a recurring nightmare. As the dream ended on the same sour note, the young woman woke up sweating with “Lightning Crashes” echoing from afar in her mind. The lyrics from the song disappeared as soon as Misha sat up in her bed with a throbbing headache that reminded her that she was back to the real world…

“My god…Will it stop??” She still felt dizzy from the concussion. She kept herself still in the bed as she was in a sitting position. She softly moved her head toward the window covered by the curtains in her bedroom, and she could tell that it was probably late as the daylight had completely disappeared.

Something on her nightstand caught her attention, and she quickly recognized the item in question. It was her iPhone. Last night, Misha hadn’t brought the smartphone as her father had rushed her to the hospital.

She grabbed the smartphone in a hurry with her left arm and unlocked it, relieved as it was intact. Misha knew it was the right moment to delete Ivan from her Facebook, but it appeared that he had been faster than her as Ivan wasn’t even friends with her anymore on her Facebook.

Her short pale blonde hair was looking all messy and Misha couldn’t recall if she had taken a shower since her arrival at her father’s place. She tried to focus deeply, but she couldn’t.

It did sound like the TV in the living room was turned on, so Misha decided to get out of her bed and check to see if her dad was finally home. Alas, it was Just Sergei watching Football… She stopped in the middle of the living room and glanced at Sergei as if she was remembering something.

“Are you ok Miss Schiller?” Asked Sergei with his thick Russian accent.

“Yea, I guess we could say this!” Misha couldn’t really care about Antun, Sergei was more friendly and she liked to speak with him. She could say she was considering him like a friend as he had been working for her father since 1998… Way before her birth.

“I just had this dream… It was like the exact scenes of my first day of school in France, 8 years ago. Worst day of my life! I didn’t understand a word of what the teacher was saying and I was so anxious…” Sergei tapped the couch, inviting Misha to take place next to him. Of course Misha didn’t elaborate on why she was so anxious that day… Even though she considered Sergei like her confidant, she couldn’t reveal her secret.

“You were missing your father uh?” She gulped when Sergei pinpointed what made her so anxious during her stay in France.

Misha crossed her legs on the couch while taking place to Sergei. When he mentioned the obvious, she glanced at him, not really sure what to answer to this.

“Of course I was. I was just 13 years old and knew nobody over there. I remember that right in the middle of the class, I stormed out of the classroom in tears and went to call Nicholae. But it was the middle of the night here and Papa wanted to return to bed, so he spoke with me for like 2 minutes, trying to reassure me and then he hung up. I was furious and tried to call him back, but he wouldn’t pick up… I was so mad that I took the phone in my hand and I was about to throw it against the wall, when all of sudden a boy named David entered my bedroom and smiled at me. He was an angel in disguise, without him I think I wouldn’t have made it through the entire year.”

Sergei chuckled at Misha’s story.

“Ohh, you were in love with him?” Asked Sergei. Misha couldn’t help bursting into laughter at the big man’s observation.

“No! David was gay and it was plastered all over his face and plus he was my age…He had been my savior, that’s all I’m saying… What about you Sergei, how come a chunky teddy bear like you doesn't have a girlfriend?” Misha had grown up with Sergei, so she knew him enough to tease him like this. Of course she had never been attracted to him, far from it… Sergei wasn’t her type, he was just her father’s right hand man and she knew she could trust him.

“Oh Women, complicated you know…” Yea, she knew this.

“You’re right, we’re complicated and fucked up!” Sighed Misha as she leaned deeply in the leather couch, thoughtful and troubled at the same time.

“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?” Sergei retrieved the remote to turn down the volume from the TV screen as Misha questioned him about love.

“Hmm, probably, but it’s been a long time ago. You still love Ivan?” Misha snorted at Sergei when he brought up Ivan into the conversation.

“Nah, Ivan… Never loved him… We could say I used him for my own cause! He wanted to go to Las Vegas for a job, and I thought it would be a great idea to move there as well…” Sergei looked perplexed as Misha revealed that she never did love Ivan, which didn’t make sense, why had she moved with him then?

“Why!? Las Vegas is not a good place for a young woman like you! Nicholae wasn’t happy!!” Oh, she knew this, she didn’t need to be reminded that her father was pissed when she ran away with Ivan a year ago in Sin City. They didn’t stay for long in Las Vegas, and returned to California a few months later.

“I thought that by being with Ivan, that I would fall in love with him and be happy…” Sergei shook his head at Misha

“You can’t force love! Why did you want to be in love with him? I don’t understand!” As if Misha had to be told that love was a natural feeling… She already knew this.

Misha bit her lower lip before looking at Sergei straight in his dark brown eyes.

“If I tell you Sergei, you’ll have to keep this for yourself, you can’t tell this to anyone. I swear!”

The bald man chuckled nervously as Misha wanted to share a secret with him. To say that he was ill at ease was an understatement.

“Not even your father?” She narrowed her eyes at him when Sergei responded back

“NOO Idiot! You can’t tell any of what I’m about to tell you to my father!!!” as Misha was about to reveal her confession to Sergei, noises coming from the front entrance caught their attention. It was Nicholae coming back to his apartment and Misha shook her head in annoyance.

“I’ll tell you later…” She almost got herself caught like a damn novice, and Sergei was left in confusion, wondering what Misha so badly wanted to reveal to him. Her head was still intensely throbbing and she needed to take tylenols. As Nicholae spotted her from the main entrance, he greeted Misha and the young woman dryly responded back to him… As if she had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. She strolled toward her bedroom and reached for her bathroom. She gulped down 2 pills to make that headache history, hoping it would go away.

“Looks like someone is in a bad mood here!!” Nicholae joked about Misha’s behavior and Sergei shrugged his shoulders.

“She’s not ok… She just woke up and had nightmares I think.” Sergei was somehow sounding nervous, not really at ease with the fact that Misha wanted to share with him a secret that he couldn’t tell her father.

“No worries Sergei, I’ll check on her!” Nicholae put down his dark trench coat on the leather couch and reached for Misha who was in her bathroom, standing in front of the sink.

“How are you doing?” He asked her as he leaned against the doorframe. Misha pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek before staring at her father.

“It could be better… Headache won’t go away and I’m still feeling dizzy.” Nicholae noticed her messy hair and it did seem like a shower would do her some good, perhaps a bath would be a better option since she felt light-headed. He had bought her a waterproof arm cover for her cast, so she’d be able to wash herself without the fear of getting her cast wet.

“Haven’t you eaten a bit?” She shook her head at her father’s question.

“Nope, I’m afraid to throw up again.” She sighed and Nicholae could tell she was tired of feeling that way.

“You will have to eat Misha and I got you something. You’ll be able to take your shower even with your cast.” He flashed her a smile and Misha couldn’t resist her father’s smile, it was so contagious though the young woman.

“Thank you!”

“How about you take a bath and I will order something to eat, alright?” Misha nodded and walked to her father who was still standing tall under the door frame separating her bedroom from the bathroom.

“Now, it’s a new life for you. You’ll take the time to heal from all of this and I will give you a job. I got something that could interest you…” Misha hadn’t asked her father what he had done today, she didn’t know if he had found Ivan and quite frankly, she couldn’t care at this point. The less she knew, the better it was…

She nodded at him and Nicholae walked out of her bedroom as Misha wanted to take her bath and changed into clean pajamas for the night… As Nicholae returned to Sergei and Antun, the young woman shut her bedroom door and shut her eyes for a moment. She would never get rid of this infatuation she had toward her father…

She could only imagine how Nicholae would react if he would get to know this. Perhaps, it was better to keep this for herself. Revealing that confession to Sergei was a bad idea, thought Misha… There was only one person in this whole world who knew about her unforbidden love for her father and it was David… Misha trusted him enough and knew David would never tell anyone about it...

She grabbed her iPhone and opened her playlist spotify only to listen to "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. trying to forget that it was a forbidden love.

youtube

#nicholae schiller #goran visnjic #goran višnjić #Red Widow #Misha Schiller #Youtube

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glemmeboka · 2 years

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2023 language goals

I'm updating my languages for 2023 - I'm mainly focusing on improving my Korean and French and learning as much as possible. Plus: one new language

Korean

I want to take the first TOPIK exam this coming year, so I will have to prepare myself for it. I got a huge book on Korean grammar for Christmas and my plan is to learn all the contents. I will also find myself a teacher though, because I honestly feel like I won't get as far as I'd like to the way I'm self-studying right now.

French

Obviously I want to keep up my As in school, but honestly I don't think I have to be very careful because it's usually not a problem. Instead I will try to be ahead of my class at least a little bit so I can fully focus on Latin while in school (which is more of a problem lol)

For non-school studying I have set a goal to read at least one full book, it's probably going to be Harry Potter or Le Petit Prince. I also want to immerse myself more, meaning watch more movies or shows in French (I still haven't seen Lupin), maybe have more French conversations with my mother. Also, I am likely going on an exchange to Orléans in early 2023 (my exchange partner is coming in January or February already. If anything works out, that is. There might still be complications) Generally, I hope to achieve a proficiency of about B1. I won't take a test because that feels like too much trouble (and money, I think), but just...generally that area of proficiency.

Other than that, I have also made changes in my plans for my exchange year which is supposed to happen in 2024/25. As there are only few organisations which have Korea in their programme - and those who do are too hard to afford - I have decided to go for Thailand. I hope it will work out, for real, if I end up staying in Germany the entire year I will likely cry every day because missed opportunites and what not. Anyway, these news are the reason I have decided to pick up some Thai basics, at least. I mean, I take what I can get but I wanna keep the bar low and not expect too much of myself for a change. These are my 2023 goals for Thai:

Thai

First of all, I obviously need to learn the alphabet which...might even take me the entire year. xd For real though, I will focus on that first and then try to find a good textbook which can kind of guide me through it all. Because this language seems so complicated, I don't even know where to start

There's some nice shows to watch for immersion though..

gae:)

please don't stop reading I swear I will stick to the topic now

As for my other languages - Norwegian and Spanish - I will be maintaining those. I have Spanish in school so I will be putting about 2 to 3 hours per week into it anyway. To maintain Norwegian, I will TRY being more active on Duolingo again (because let's be for real, the Norwegian course is actually quite effective and it has given me so much let's take a second to appreciate that) and perhaps even do some more units of my textbook which I have, I admit, been abandoning for quite a while now. Norwegian in general, which is sad because it was my first language love :( Well, I got a week calender with pictures of Norway for Christmas, maybe that will serve as a motivation boost. Like for French, I also want to read at least one Norwegian book to the end in 2023. I have one in mind that the Norwegian teacher at the university gave me when I had my one-day internship there

Wow. I hope I will be able to achieve these goals by the end of the year. I seriously have no idea if it's too much or little because this is the first time I've EVER done something like "good resolutions for the coming year" or whatever it is called. But I recently saw a quote.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. — Clement Stone

Not only does it sound very nice because of the connection to astronomy and space, it also reassures me that sometimes it's okay not being able to do everything or one thing just as well as the other. Small progress is also good progress, especially when it is aquired in a constant pace.

And with that, I'm wishing everyone who happens to be reading this a happy new year and good luck with your goals! You're doing great.

Fun fact: In Germany, we wish each other "einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr" at the end of the year. It literally translates to "a good slide into the new year". Honestly, I think it's a bit funny. I hope you have one though. :)

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handelplayssims · 2 years

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Two more days! Izzy is up and at ‘em and has her two hours until school. Of which, will of course be devoted to needs management. Cameron is back from work and is thinking about playing video games. ...I’m real curious as to what Hilock and Road Rival Alpha are like. Hillock is...the same as SimScuffle in video. Alas! Road Rival Alpha is...a fighting game! I think those have become more of a PC game thing in terms of preferred consoles to play it on. And Lara woke up, decided to give her some french toast for breakfast before taking care of her garden and bees before work.

Oh no! The computer broke down while Cameron was playing it! At least it’s an easy fix for him. And let’s have him glance at the sky for a bit before he takes a snooze. And now it’s time for Lara to work-from-home! We are dabbling in circuit boards and then designing hardware on the computer. But first, we check social media because her social need is low and that’ll help fix it. Especially since Cameron is up in the observatory.

Now always before you do your robotics, equip a robo-arm! That’s a craft you can make with a bit of robotics skill and it allows you to not get shocked while working on your robotics crafts. Alas, you need to gain the skill to make it in the first place but as for this family? We have plenty of robotics nerds to make said robotic arm!

Izzy is finally back from school! And with it, we just need to befriend one last adult before we can move onto the next aspiration! The easiest would be Charity Hand and so we invite her over. She also asked her mother for advice on what to do about a bully bullying her friends. Stand in and step up or stay out and console friend afterwards? I think Lara might be for the second? Just be patient and just look after your friend afterwards. And with Charity...it literally took two socials and we bumped her up to being friends. Nicely done. Next’ll be the motor one which, well, we have that skill maxed already. Just a matter of getting the extras done and dusted with. Anyway, I thought to give Charity a health potion and make an emotion potion for Izzy herself. Neither went over well and once Izzy got out of the restroom, she felt the lingering effects of the school event that happened earlier in the day. Basically, a teacher ate a laxative laced brownie meant for her tormentor but went straight for him instead. And so she’s tense.

Before I sent her off to bed after shouting some unpleasant words, I decided to change up Izzy’s hair! She looks cute! And- ohp. Cameron is awake. He wants to play chess so after a run to the toilet and eating some popcorn, sure! Up to the chess table you go! Works well for his logic gain as well. After some late night grilling of the ribs for...supper, I suppose, his next whim is to chat with Noel Grey, an acquaintance but one he knows well and has all of her traits down. Huh. Anyway, he hasn’t been to the local bars much. How about the Shrieking Llama? And somehow ordering for the group got him a one star celebrity. Huh. -shrugs- High level job I suppose.

So I went out to the bar and had a drink. A small chat, because Noel had to rush off to the toilet soon after. He entertained and made small talk with the bartender and fellow patrons, waiting for her to return but Noel didn’t. Alas. His next whim was to watch comedy on tv and well, there is one right there. And then the other after was to enjoy a game of cards which we also have right there and likely because it’s on lot. Anyway, Simeon Silversweater spotted and I know a fellow geek when I spy one! (Because you can use the clubs to filter out those with similar traits.) So after a quick trip to the restroom, a game of cards was in order! I did try to hold Simeon a little longer but by the time I wanted to ask him to hang out for longer, he was already out the door and no other options were available. Well enough of the being social! It’s time to work on the logic skill! And humorously, there are chess tables just out and about in Windenburg’s square. Along with a chess topiary. I just decided to wait and see if someone else would swipe in for a chess table before sliding in myself. And indeed I did! It’s Testuya Otomo again! A person who also gained logic more for the career advancement than the chess itself. He’s sad so I’m assuming someone he knew died. Anyway, the chat still seemed to go fine. Played a prank, didn’t mind, as much. So next I decided to get a quick work out at the gym before going home. MEANING IT’S TIME FOR-

Neighborhood Watch!

Brindleton Bay: The Jimenez household recently moved in.

Anyway, last day and it’s 3PM, we’re continuing onwards! Izzy is sleepy but we must continue onwards! At the very least we must finish the first stage of your motor aspiration. Because I have so much trouble getting kids into emotional moodlets sometimes. To Hare Square! Where there totally will not be a certain bunch of kids, including the one Izzy is rivals with. Honestly, nothing much happened though. She played on the gym, she ate some food and then she was still super tired so Izzy went home to retire to bed. Izzy goes to bed, Cameron goes to bed. Lara will soon have to go to bed and SO WILL I! Man, I’m sleepy. What I get for going “ooh, there’s only three or so days left, let’s finish them up!” And then it took hours. Also I eternally wish that I could just flop into bed and fall asleep like the Sims folks.

Alright, Cameron’s up at it’s 2:30AM. We got until 5AM to do things with this guy. Let’s see, it’s partially cloudy. Stars would likely be mostly hidden but moon is up there. Let’s look up at the sky and- OH GOD THE GREEN IS EVERYWHERE! Aurora borealis of the green eco-friendliness why do you doom me!? And so we end this session with Cameron gazing up at the stars. And now it’s time for-

Neighborhood Watch!

Windenburg: The Mahajan household has moved in.

Daiki Matsuda in the Matsuda household has died. Daiki stayed in the sun a little too long and overheated.

See you all next time for the Oaklow household! Yes! More Werewolves! See you all then!

#sims 4 #liveblogging #cameron fletcher #lara fletcher #izzy fletcher

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yeo-rims · 3 years

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so I just used the money my friend gave me to buy 1 month of korean classes and im actually happy it’s been years since the last time i tried learning it. let’s see if now i can actually take it seriously

#the first time i was like 16/17 i think #and i got bored #but i miss learning something for fun #and the whole reason i know english now is because of kdramas can you believe it #i studied when i was 13 and stopped because i dont like the language #and then when i was 16 i wanted to watch kdramas faster and i didn't know english well enough so i started to study again #i had a private teacher for like 2 years #but we mostly talked #because i learn better talking and we used to go to the mall together and have lunch it was so nice anyways what i mean is #it's been a hot minute since ive tried learning a new language #and as much as i like french i just dont care about it enough??? and yes i should learn spanish #because reasons i know i know but im scared of spanish #and im not smart enough to learn arabic by myself #also when i memorized the korean alphabet i never forgot about it??? so now i at least can read stuff lasklaksla #aNYWAYS #my friend did not give me her money she paid for the kindle i sold to her #but she did overpaid me tbh #i'll see if i can do it by myself this month #and then i'll think about if ill continue to pay for it in the future #also istg my english when im teaching is actually good please dont believe my online persona #i miss my kids :((( please pray for me i need a jOB #ok thats enough #tamara's adventures in life

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floral-poisons · 3 years

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twst characters: their roles in a teen movie

another random thought that just came into my brain. i was thinking about teen movies and it had me assigning certain roles and archetypes to certain characters. i have one for horror movies done already. the next one is their roles in a rom com.

this one does feel a little bit general. like a what the twst cast would be if they were in a normal high school. might do a list like that one day.

NRC STAFF

dire crowley

the headmaster/principal. no explanation needed here. he just sits back and observes the chaos in his school.

ashton vargas

the pe teacher. probably a coach for a bunch of different spots teams. was a former athlete himself but got an injury that caused him to retire from that prospective career early. probably exactly like the coach from mean girls (without the making out with teenage girls part, nasty).

mozus trein

the english teacher that provides a safe space for the gay kids. enough said. computer background is his cat. no phones in class type of person too.

divus crewel

the chemistry teacher. very fashionable even if it’s not practical during the lab. single and isn’t much help at extra help. probably an advisor to a few clubs. makes things hard for no apparent reason.

sam

a foreign language teacher, probably french. he’s one of the cool ones. willing to take students on a trip to france in order for them to improve their french skills. his class is entirely in french however.

DIASOMNIA

malleus draconia

the new kid. just arrived in school and is shy and awkward at making friends. hasn’t been around people, probably moves a lot. but he’s attractive and immediately gets noticed by the queen bee. accidentally falls prey to the dangers of popularity.

lilia vanrouge

the senior. he’s there and present, mostly because he’s a friend of the love interest. represents the anxieties about college felt. having a mental breakdown like every period probably. but he knows how the school runs and he’s the new kid’s guide.

silver

the straight a student. constantly sleeping because he doesn’t get enough sleep. man pulls all nighters basically five times a week and sleeps in a lot. won’t text or call often. but he’s really smart and gets his work done. worries too much about grades however.

sebek zigvolt

the teacher’s pet. or the strict ra in those prep schools. he follows the rules and is very much a by the book type of student. won’t accept anything that goes against the rules. he really dislikes silver because silver falls asleep in class so often.

HEARTSLABYUL

riddle rosehearts

PRESIDENT OF THE STUDENT GOVERNMENT. strict and always planning events. but also kind of boring. he won by a landslide and won SO EARLY during his academic career too. need i say more?

trey clover

the mathlete. it might be the glasses that give me the vibes of a mathlete but he’s a mathlete. really good at math and probably taking high level classes. little nerdy but with a bit of fixing up he can look amazing.

cater diamond

the queen bee who also wants to be an influencer. he’s not exactly mean but his tongue is sharp and there are plenty of valid reasons to dislike him. he’s actually a nice person underneath the surface. he just needs to find a better outlet for his emotions like regina george.

ace trappola

the anarchist. he doesn’t like the social order of the school. call him janis ian. artistic and could care less about social norms. makes a lot of jokes which is why the audience loves him. but his raw emotions come out when he realizes that the new kid has become one of them. at least he’s upfront about how mean he is.

deuce spade

the band kid. seemingly calm and innocent. but underneath that exterior is someone who is full of chaotic energy. he probably plays a bass instrument. definitely in marching band and definitely goes to band camp and definitely starts off stories with, “this one time at band camp...”

POMEFIORE

vil schoenheit

the theater kid who’s also puts up a primadonna front. has an ongoing rivalry with the rival school’s primadonna (neige obviously). while he’s not THAT theater kid, it’s easy to tell he is one. puts a lot of effort into his appearance because he believes that’s people’s first impression of him and they need a good impression of him.

rook hunt

the person that specializes in makeovers. basically he would be all of queer eye in one person. really good at making people feel confident in themselves and amplifying their great qualities, as well as sticking to natural beauty. he doesn’t change anything about a person because he doesn’t need to. everyone’s beautiful. they just need the right tools.

epel felmier

the person you think is rich but they don’t have as much money as you thought they did. he blends in with the popular crowd and certainly looks the part. beautiful, fashionable clothes. but when you actually go over to his place, it’s not as grandiose as you thought. in fact, it’s perfectly average. a middle class home. and he doesn’t bring his rich friends over because he knows they will judge.

SAVANACLAW

leona kingscholar

the college bound brother. he’s mentioned briefly a few times and that’s it. he’s not in the movie because he’s not a teen.

ruggie bucchi

the student with a scholarship at an elite rich institution. doesn’t like the popular rich crowd for a reason and stays in his own lane. works hard and works smart. to make money on the side, he definitely writes essays for this kids who can’t do anything for themself. and he charges a lot for a killer essay.

jack howl

the jock with a heart of gold. i also wanna say he would be a bit of a himbo too. like he’s fine academic wise. in fact, he’s really smart which you wouldn’t expect from a stereotypical jock. but when it comes to life? he’s a little clueless. he’s the type who didn’t know oven mitts existed and when he got them as a gift, his eyes sparkled because what a life saver.

OCTAVINELLE

azul ashengrotto

the one that does everyone’s homework for them. wants the money and he’s smart anyways. will give out answers and because he’s seen as a teacher’s pet, he’s able to somehow access the answer sheet and questions for the test. people pay good money for it.

jade leech

the model student. a little bit boring but he’s there. present in the movie but no one pays much attention to him. he prefers to keep to himself while all the drama goes on.

floyd leech

the troublemaker. constantly, constantly getting in trouble with authority figures. is smart but doesn’t feel like applying himself. has a twin brother who wishes he would take schooling more seriously. but he definitely has interesting takes on the system. has one teacher that hasn’t given up on him yet.

SCARABIA

kalim al-asim

the rich kid. he’s actually really nice but the amount of money he has is just...so much. so much money. lot of people want to be his friend because he has so much money so he’s actually pretty lonely. little artsy too. has little to no experience with relationships though.

jamil viper

the best friend. best friend to the rich kid and is constantly in second place. has to listen to kalim talking about his day and doesn’t really get a say in the movie much. supporting. would be a token character.

IGNIHYDE

idia shroud

the unpopular person who gets a complete makeover and redo. he was a loner until getting into the popular crowd and his appearance got completely renovated. he suddenly started to be noticed by everyone which unnerved him. and unlike the new person, he didn’t let the popularity get to his head. instead, he stayed the same introverted person as he was with just a little more confidence.

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byunbaekby · 4 years

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title: haven’t been caught pairing: badboy!haechan x goodgirl!reader word count: 1.7k genres: fluff, established relationship au, high school au, secret relationship warnings: mentions of weed, suggestiveness, one cuss word, not proofread additional: based on the song “good girls” by 5 seconds of summer. also, big thanks to @florence-cvrt for all their help <3

She's good at school, she's never truant She can speak French, I think she's fluent.

“Lee Donghyuck, if you don’t get your hand off my thigh right this instant, I will tell Mr. Qian to fail you.”

You bring a light slap down on his hand, which is threatening to slide up your skirt. Your boyfriend’s hand immediately leaves your leg, innocently tucking it back into his lap. When you turn to him, his pretty lips are spread into a fake virtuous smile and his long hair barely covers his entertained sparkling eyes. Still, he complains, “Wait until I tell the student body that their vice president is actually violent and manipulative.”

He tsk’s as you show no reaction, instead flipping through the pages of the French textbook. “What would you tell them?”

Donghyuck leans back in his desk chair where the two of you reside in an empty classroom, adjusting the collar of his leather jacket before running a hand through his hair. “That even though you walk around school smiling at everyone and kissing teachers’ asses, you love hitting your boyfriend and threatening him.”

“You, my boyfriend?” You laugh at him, eyes never leaving the book. “They’d never believe you.”

You’re right, because the school has no idea that you, the It Girl and vice president of the student body council, are dating Lee Donghyuck, the guy who smokes weed behind the school and always skips class for no important reason other than to entertain himself. How you even started dating is another story, but now your relationship is on the infinite downlow.

“You’re right,” he relents, but he’s obviously not given up yet as he leans closer to you. You try not to get swayed by the sudden infiltration of his scent, and continue scanning the pages of the French book. “They won’t. But it wouldn’t be a surprise. I mean, we’d be the hottest couple ever. So, maybe I should put a nice big hickey, right there on your pretty neck. Maybe then they’ll believe you’re not as innocent as you pretend to be,” teases your boyfriend, his voice dipping lower into dangerous territory.

You roll your eyes. “Sure,” you respond sarcastically.

“If you say so.”

Before you know it, your boyfriend has leaned in to kiss you, lips inches away from yours. When you realize what he’s up to you put a hand up, so his lips meet your palm instead of their intended destination. “No.”

A whine leaves him, a stark juxtaposition from his dark appearance. “Why not?”

“Because it’s not appropriate.”

“Not appropriate?” he questions, crossing his leather covered arms across his chest. “You’re my girlfriend.”

A shake of your head tells him no, along with a teasing smirk upon your lips. “Not right now. Right now, I’m your French tutor. Now pay attention,” you tell him, gaze skimming the textbook page.

“Fine,” he scoffs, leaning back in his chair.

“Je suis allé au café et j'ai pris une tasse de café. Translate that for me.”

“That means,” he starts, rolling his neck back to stretch it out, looking less than interested in the lesson. “My boyfriend is so sexy and I wish he would kiss me right now.”

Your eyes narrow, and you shake your head. He speaks up again. “I was kidding, actually it means, Donghyuck, I love when you wear your leather jacket, it makes you look so sexy.”

You lean forward, capturing your head in your hands in frustration. He just laughs. “Tu es une telle honte, pourquoi je sors avec toi,” you sigh out, exasperated.

“Oh,” he hums, leaning forward to hold your hands instead. “Maybe that one means, My girlfriend is so beautiful and smart?” You look up at him, raising an eyebrow at his sudden attempt to appeal to you. “Because you are.”

You roll your eyes, a smile spreading over your lips. “Actually I was calling you a disgrace and wondering why I’m even dating you.”

“Not surprised,” he chuckles softly, but immediately closes the French textbook on the desk before the two of you. “Come on, you know I’m not good at this school thing. Mr. Qian already knew that when he asked you to tutor me. How about,” he tilts his head at you, about to put up an offer. “We ditch this tutoring session and go get some ice cream? On me.”

A purse of your lips tells him you’re considering it, and he adds, “If anything, I’m just studying more by being with a beautiful lady who speaks fluent French.”

You chuckle, leaning forward with pursed lips. “Je t'aime.”

“That one I know,” he smiles as he presses a sweet kiss to your lips. “Love you too. Now let’s go,” he says, standing and pulling you along by the hand.

'Cause every night she studies hard in her room At least that's what her parents assume But she sneaks out the window to meet with her boyfriend.

Carefully you climb down the side of the house, trying your best not to make any noise against the wall but also trying not to fall to your death. A sigh of relief leaves your lips as both your feet touch the solid ground.

“Going somewhere?”

Immediately you jump, eyes widened as you turn to meet the owner of the voice. “Donghyuck!” You hiss, voice still low. “I thought you were my dad!”

“Well, you can call me daddy too,” your boyfriend says as he approaches you to press a kiss on your cheek. The tip of his light chin stubble brushes on your skin as he does so.

“Don’t even joke about that,” you roll your eyes, allowing him to slide an arm over your shoulder and walk you down the street to where he parked his car out of view from your house. “So, where are we going?” “A friend’s party. His name is Mark.”

A cautious eyebrow is raised by you. “Will anyone from school be there?”

He shakes his head in response, knowing you can’t be spotted together especially with you under his arm at a college party of course. You’ve got to protect your precious reputation. “Nah, he’s in college. There’s no way he’d let high schoolers in.”

“We’re high schoolers, silly.”

“Well, yeah,” he shrugs before turning and grinning sinfully at you. “But we’re cool.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” you tease as he releases you and unlocks his car.

She may be clever but she just acts too square 'Cause in the back of the room where nobody looks She'll be with her boyfriend, she's not reading books.

As you slide up onto your tiptoes, the feeling of your boyfriend pressing against you is much too present and you scoff. “Can you stop being a horndog and get this book for me?”

“Darling,” he chastises, reaching up to grab it easily above you. “That’s what I was doing.”

As he hands the book to you, you roll your eyes. “Sure, like you weren’t trying to rub up on me.”

“Not at all,” responds Donghyuck, dark eyes glinting with mischief. You leave him behind as you turn into the next aisle, searching carefully for the next book you were looking for. As you get deeper into the library shelves, the light gets further away and the tall shelves begin to cast a shadow upon your hidden figures. “Why do you even wear your uniform, anyways? You know it’s not required by the school.”

“Yeah,” you respond matter-of-factly. “But as the vice president I should adhere to the suggestions set by the administration. Clearly you don’t care,” you say, glancing over his usual outfit of ripped jeans (which definitely didn’t fit normal dress code anyways) and his trademark leather jacket over a white Adidas shirt.

“Okay, but your president Huang Renjun is a lame virgin with a stick up his ass and even he doesn’t wear his uniform everyday,” retorts your boyfriend.

“More reason why I should have been president instead,” you respond, scanning over the back of a book sounding not at all petty.

“That’s because at the time, you were more focused on becoming my girlfriend than campaigning, you minx,” Donghyuck teases as you slide the book back into its place, unsatisfied with its synopsis. When you don’t respond, instead turning into yet another aisle, he follows you, fingers tugging slightly at your skirt. “That’s okay, I like the skirt anyways,” he says, his famous smirk over his lips as your mouth gapes and a flustered warmth slides up to your cheeks. “S’cute.”

She said to me, forget what you thought 'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

“Oh my god, Y/N,” Donghyuck already starts as he approaches you in the front of the school, already losing his bad boy personality in the fear that you’d be upset at him. “I’m so sorry.”

The two of you had been caught making out in the bleachers by a few members of the football team after school yesterday. Okay, perhaps it wasn’t the most discreet of places but you swore they’d announced over the intercom that football practice was cancelled for the day! Unluckily, it seemed a few players still wanted to get some practice in.

Surely, rumors flew in less than twenty-four hours. Y/N, with Donghyuck? No way. Impossible.

Yeah, that was what you thought too, until it happened. You fell for him, for all his rough edges and playful teasing. He doesn’t deserve to be hidden.

The smile you give him must throw him off, because he blinks. He’s probably forgotten his pre-made apology; he knows how important your reputation is to him. In his silence, you speak up.

“I don’t want to hide anymore. Let’s,” you propose as you interlace your hands, surely feeling eyes on you already. “Show them what a hot couple looks like.”

He blinks, eyes flying to your hands and it’s probably the first time you’ve seen the snarky Donghyuck speechless. He recovers smoothly, smirking and nodding. “Okay. Let’s blow them away.”

“But if you fail your French test in third period, I will break up with you.”

A boisterous laugh leaves his lips as he kicks open the doors to the school hallway. “Noted.”

Before the two of you enter the hallway to expose your unlikely clandestine romance to everyone, you lean up and whisper in his ear. “Je t'aime.”

“I know what that means,” he smirks as he presses a proud kiss onto your temple, and takes a step inside.

#neowritingsnet #dreamwritersnet #nct-writers #mlznet #haechan fluff #haechan angst #haechan scenarios #haechan imagines #haechan fanfic #nct dream jaemin #nct dream fluff #nct fluff #nct fanfic #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct drabbles

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lovely-ateez · 3 years

Text

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.”

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.”

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, ��I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.”

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”

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