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randombtsprincessa · 3 years

Text

Built for Sin

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Jung Hoseok x Reader (2nd POV)

Words: 10.2k

Genre: Smut, minimal angst. AI/Sexbot! AU. Brothel! AU.

Rating: Mature (18+)

Summary: When your artificial intelligence comes alive in your apartment on a lonely night, you’re in for a wild ride in more ways than one.

Playlist: KOSIKK - Down To You || Stwo - With You

Content Advisory - Brothel AU!, MC is a sex scientist teehee, descriptions of sex work, loneliness, human men who?, artificial intelligence and everything that goes into it, sex toys, sex bot, nipple play, masturbation, clitoral stimulation, ethical crisis, red head Hobi, kissing, minor oral, tongue manipulation, mild bondage, vibrator, unprotected sex with an AI synthezoid.

Disclaimer - I am not a scientist so everything that I have written is obviously fictitious. Information was mostly sourced from Marvel database.

A/N: This fic was...well, let’s just say I could’ve timed it better. BUT IT IS HERE!! The following work is my contribution to the House of Lust collaboration! And a very happy birthday to the sun boy who stars in the fic! It is also a little tribute to the February prompt of “Candy Love hearts” from @thebtswritersclub !

Red, velvet, silk, a deep thrum of sensual beats that would make your blood lull…

These were all sights that every city across the globe were privy to. Perhaps tucked away in some alley, lay a secret door that led knowing individuals to a sensation of pure lust.

In your city, however, this scene was located at the very back of the poshest part of the area. Here, in the midst of small businesses and other odds and ends of the city, rose the mammoth of House of Lust.

There was no advertising, of course. No billboards hung outside the industrial brick and concrete facade. And yet, everyone in the city knew what it was, where to look - and what to go there for.

It was all very lucrative as a matter of course. House of Lust had existed in the city from the time it was a small settlement; a little speakeasy that had grown and branched out till it was one of the biggest markets for physical pleasure and peace for the soul. The original stone fixture had been reduced and rebuilt to fit the look of the place it existed in, but aside from the advancements that time brought to it, nothing much had changed.

The code of HOL remained steadfast.

HOL aimed at being the best of the best of Pleasure Houses but it was also geared towards being the most unique. Tailored to fit any and all genders and sexualities, HOL didn’t just offer pleasure at the show of the green. It prided itself on offering what you needed.

A shy college student with funds to watch could sign up for free texting sessions available once every week. Someone new to HOL could get a ‘guide’, to let them know what all was being offered with a little session.

And then there were the veterans…the Premium members who had access to all the services, and even a sneak peek at the new goodies that HOL offered.

Considering House of Lust was something of a protected city secret as well as a historical site, the work that was undertaken by the employees was considered almost like a privilege. You only stepped foot on the premises if you wanted to.

And your desire to be there was taken in writing.

Both Employee and Members were vetted every single month and healthcare and financial security was assured for all the workers.

To call House of Lust simply a sex dungeon or it’s employees, sex workers, would be a severe understatement. And if asked, the people inside would tell you to take that to the bank.

They were there because they wanted to be there for as long as they needed. Some stayed on to explore themselves, some to pay the bills before moving on to other opportunities, meanwhile others remained due to curiosity.

And this curiosity was what the ‘Labs’ were responsible for and extensively catered to.

In the twisting maze of hallways at HOL, a particular one winded deep. At the end of this hallway, a set of extravagant double doors led an individual to the Laboratory.

This room took up most of the back of HOL’s building, divided into sections that worked hard to keep HOL unique.

These people were the one credited for everything that made House of Lust one of a kind.

There were divisions who thought up new acts and role plays to perform, people who kept the business and personnel up to date with safety and health avenues, training methods were thought up for rookies best suited to personality types.

Computers ran advertisement campaigns, subtle but noticeable and the final section - the largest and best equipped - was where all the fun stuff was concocted.

Toys; anything, everything, big, small, easily hidden, fancy enough for people to see and know about; it would be found here.

And lording over them, tinkering with your pastel gloves at metal and plastic to produce further artifacts of pleasure, was you.

With frazzled hair from the heat and humidity of the room and eyes that held laser sharp precision through your glasses, your multiple degrees in engineering, computer science and biochemistry were put to good use in the makings of some of the best sex toys and equipment in the market.

Noiseless vibrators, concealed buttons that latched onto your clit and didn’t protrude against one’s clothing, a collapsible dildo that could be turned inside out with ribbing alongside it, had your patents on them. Not only had you perfected a line of toys for women, you had also built one specifically for males and what have you in the middle.

All you had to do was look for it.

Not many who knew you in your life, knew that it was you who was responsible for blinding orgasms across the country. You knew what they’d say regardless.

As clear and above board HOL attempted to make itself, morality was a black and white arena you weren’t exactly enthusiastic about debating.

And this was exactly why you had taken the job.

The clandestine deliciousness of it, the blushing cheeks when you had been much younger - the high of doing something so ‘freaky.’

And yet…that had been in the past. As you aged and began to work further and harder, the thrill had started to fade when your job began and ended like any other 9 to 5.

It wasn’t very hard to discern why, of course. You were an adult woman working in the pleasure industry with no pleasure to be had for yourself.

Your joy in your work stemmed from having someone to share it with and sadly that was a ship that has not docked at your yard for years.

This sorry lack of a good, solid relationship had worn you down to someone listless who had to peruse AMAZON of all places for ideas.

The shame…

It would’ve been one thing had it been you who was the one with issues. However, unfortunately for the world at large, men remained hopeless as usual.

The ones who you dated were either put off by your work from the get-go, some miraculous bone of morality growing in them when it was the other way around. The rest, who managed to get into your bed, gave up after a while when the ‘thrill’ of it was sated.

You rolled your eyes.

Despite the strict rules about fraternization at HOL, you had relied on your friends there to hook you up more than once with people they knew.

It was strangely off-putting about the people who were in the circles of certified sex workers but they were stunningly lacklustre.

And it would’ve been fine…

It was fine, damn it. Not like you needed a partner to be one of the best names in your industry. You were fulfilled as a person.

You just wanted someone to cuddle at night.

Was that so demanding of you?

At home, the taste in your mouth was a bitter one, the swirling wine in your goblet only aiding in your mulling over your less than stellar situation.

Swishing the liquid around your tongue, you gulped it down - setting the glass down on the side table so you could settle comfortably on the balcony chaise you’d put out. At least, the sight from your home wasn’t unpleasant to behold. Opening the box of candy love hearts you’d purchased on the way home, you popped one in your mouth, sucking onto the sweet and sour juices to counteract the wine.

Hands crossed on your tummy, feet bumping a little along the footrest, your breath puffed out as you moved dangerously close to falling asleep out on the balcony, with sweets in your mouth.

Just as your eyes had gotten used to the twinkling lights, slightly closed from the exhaustion of the day and much needed sleep, you were rudely jerked back to consciousness when you heard what very closely resembled a throat being cleared.

Somewhere behind you.

Inside your home.

At night when you were alone.

Your feet slipped off the chaise roughly, back ramrod straight as you stared back into your darkened home. You’d switch off the lights when you’d come out to sit on the balcony but…

You stood up and reached for the first and possibly only thing you could at the moment. The only thing that might help and become a projectile weapon.

Picking up your wine glass and discarding the flimsy candy box, you slunk back in till you reached the main light switch. You flicked it on to flood your home with bright silver fluorescence, waiting for the supposed intruder to make another noise.

There was no other sound.

Quickly scanning the open doors of your bedroom, bathroom and pantry from the kitchen, your eyes eventually fell on the closed door to your home office.

If the fucker was in your office with your work, you were honorably going to become a murderer.

Your hand flew behind you to the knife block, fetching the largest one you owned.

Without further ado, you threw the door open - eyes staring straight at the computer on your desk. Your computer - the one you were pretty sure you hadn’t turned on.

The screen was a bright blue and the sharp bang of the door made it flicker, your mouth falling open and eyes gawking at it.

Had the intruder just left the computer open and noped out of your front door? What was happening here?

“Who’s in here?” You called, your voice strong and ready to gut anything that remotely moved. In the corner, your little pocket bots cooed in answer.

“Good evening, Miss Y/N. It is just the program here.”

Your eyes moved to the junk doll mouthpiece you’d connected to the speaker - ready to act as the voice output for the recent project you’d filed.

An AI…

Your pulse slowed and quickened dramatically.

“Apologies if I scared you, the program was uploaded approximately an hour and two minutes ago. The interfacing has just finished.”

Interfacing…the program…your AI…

You’d forgotten that you’d planned a test run for an artificial intelligence bot.

…and now it was on.

And you had been moping outside instead of remembering and being there to log information in.

Fuck.

“Uh…um,” You shook your head for a good five seconds to clear it of sleep, catching the back of your chair to pull it towards you. Sliding in under the desk, you quickly tapped at the screen that now held the ‘face’ of your AI and minimized it to look at the codes.

“I am so sorry I wasn’t here. What’s up?”

It truly wasn’t the most intelligent thing for you to say but your AI didn’t seem to mind. Or couldn’t judge for that matter.

“My interfacing has finished.” It replied.

“True, true…so how is everything? All the downloads, the codes, the program itself? Everything running smoothly?”

“The codes were ingrained and the program is without glitches. The connections to the internet and most channels were downloaded via the applications cited in my drive. The voice sample you uploaded has been tuned into most words of the lexicon and I am able to channel everything.” The feedback had you nodding, fishing out your glasses from the top of your head and putting them on.

“That’s great, I’ll still run a few more tests but I think we have a good connection here.”

“Might I ask, Miss Y/N -”

“You can call me Y/N.”

“Y/N…I noticed some terms relating to ‘life-like’ and ‘initiation project.’ What are they? I cannot seem to access those files.”

“Oh,” You blinked in surprise, not having anticipated just how fast the AI you wrote up would be able to absorb information and begin to learn.

“Right, so did you see the files about HOL?”

“I did.”

“Right, so life-like, is what I first created this AI idea for. The plan was to create something life-like, a more…lively version of the BOB.” You explained, staring at the blue square that had fallen silent as it listened to your explanation.

“The initiation project is what you are. You are what I named Hoseok and for now you are my very personal AI. The initiation is a little joke I made on evolution. Nothing very deep.” You shrugged by the end of your spiel, more than a little unnerved by the probing silence that stretched between you and your new AI.

You might as well learn to call him Hoseok.

You placed your face on your palm, dazedly staring as the lines of codes appeared in his programming drive, as he arranged and formed new lines of…’thoughts.’

2 WEEKS LATER

“I’m home!” You called out as you entered your home, removing your sneakers and hanging up the scarlet lab coat issued to you by HOL.

A couple weeks had passed after you’d discovered your little AI came to life in your office and after the initial shock and regret at leaving him alone wore off, you’d found yourself accepting the new presence in your life with little to no trouble.

It was coming home to someone at least - or something at the very best for the moment.

You were still playing around with his data and codes, but there was so much tht he had downloaded and you’d uploaded to sift through. In his interfacing and your own absence, Hoseok had had to reorganise his files in a manner he ‘decided’ was best.

It would take you some time to really figure out a way to make him more solid.

Nowever, that wasn’t to say there hadn’t been any headway. Hoseok was of immense help in that department.

After some tinkering on both your parts, the AI was now a hologram, a brilliant bluish purple ball that could hover about as long as it was logged and connected to it’s tethered device.

You’d connected the AI - Hoseok - to a slim silver watch you wore at home.

“Good evening, Y/N, how was work today?”

You smiled when the AI came to life in your presence at the snap of the silver watch.

“Same old, you know.”

You undid your hair, first moving to the kitchen to get something to eat.

Hoseok hung around as you fixed your dinner, glimmering over your small dinner table. You’d placed your plate and a glass of water on the table, picking it up to take a sip when he spoke.

“Y/N, are you going to do something about your lack of a sex life?”

You spat out your water, the liquid dribbling over your chin and slipping into your neckline.

“What?”

“I am reading significant numbers of frustration and irritability coming from your vitals, that could be taken care of by fornication. Since I am not online yet, I was wondering when you might use me.”

“Use you?” Your voice pitched towards becoming a screech.

“Well yes, I was built for this purpose. You told me about it my first night.”

“No!” You corrected him vehemently.. “You’re my friend! We changed the program a few days ago.” You gesture wildly at his 3D sphere self, that you had coded to be more of a companion than just something to help a person come.

“I am aware that I am now your companion. However, the original code for the sex bot still remains in my drive…if you so wish to avail it.”

At your heavy silence it bounced a little. You wondered if he could perceive your eyebrows that had by now blended into your hairline. The stretch was beginning to hurt.

He must have taken the silence to rightfully be one of shock because his last words weren’t apologetic, only a gentle coax.

“Just consider it.”

It was a mark of how good Hoseok was at coaxing, because his words…his voice and the tenor of it rang in your brain for a good long while.

And curse him, you thought about it.

By everything holy, you considered it his offer.

You spent a good three days pondering on your AI’s offer, of what had made him forward it in the first place. You even went back into his drive to see that indeed - all his previous code still remained, neatly docketed into time stamped folders. Nothing had been deleted. He still knew how to be a Sex AI by heavens.

So you got thinking.

It got bad enough that on the second day you’d made a list of pros and cons.

Pros: He was a bot. You’d programmed it for the exact offer it had made. It’d be a good test of his skills and yours and how you could better him. It didn’t matter if you took him the sex bot route or the companion one. It would still be a test.

Cons: You’d feel bad. You’d changed the program and Hoseok had adjusted with it because he was your friend. Wouldn’t it make things awkward?

But then…you’d slept with friends before hadn’t you? And it wasn’t like Hoseok had any feelings to hurt or that he would hurt you in return.

Plus…he’d been the one to offer.

So, on the fourth day you went into your office where he was updating the latest bytes and said yes.

The pulsating hologrammed sphere was quiet for a moment and weirdly enough, you could almost feel him gauging your voice and consent in whatever scale of morality he had learnt from being around you and the internet for the few days of his…birth…conception…?

Your nerves wracking with each millisecond of silence, you huffed when Hoseok broke it, finally.

“Are you sure?”

Bless his programming, he had actually learnt consent taking. You loved him!

In a…fully academic sense of speaking, of course.

“Yes,” You answered, your voice barely murmuring.

“You should get more comfortable first. I would suggest a shower and a change of clothes, to take the edge off a workday.”

There was almost nothing emotional about his instructions - and yet, you didn’t find him detached as you would imagine a robot would be. It was almost like you were with one of your friends - having brought them back home with you for some de-stressing.

You could abide by that.

You obediently stood, exiting the office with him following quietly, the orb moving into your bedroom while you went to get freshed up.

Frenetic energy of actually doing this rushed your movements. It didn’t feel as if you were simply testing a product - though it would be counted as that.

It was personal at this point, something you needed to get out of your system if you didn’t want it to drive you mad.

You tossed your work uniform into the laundry basket, choosing to run a cold shower instead of a hot one to alert your senses. If you wanted to take advantage of this night fully - you needed to be awake for it.

Soaping up your body, you didn’t pause to think that you didn’t need to impress anyone. Hoseok at this moment was a simple sphere of congealed data mass. There was nothing he could touch, nothing he could smell, nothing he would be put off by.

Despite having sourced the materials to fabricate his body, you’d been too busy or distracted to actually get to work. Perhaps after today, your mind would free up some space to get back into the game.

Shower done, you wrapped your simple robe around you, exiting the steaming bathroom through the side door into the bedroom.

Your glimmering hologram companion hovered near the window, beside your nightstand and you thanked your foresight for drawing the curtains before leaving for work in the morning.

You didn’t want to deal with any neighbors who might spot a blue ball of light in your room and figure they needed to save you from aliens.

When you cleared your throat, you could’ve sworn the orb actually turned to face you. Or maybe you were imagining things - not that you’d be surprised.

“So…now what?” You asked, trying not to give away the fact that you were as awkward as a first timer with the most basic of sex toys.

“Y/N, do you own that sex toy collection that connects to wifi and bluetooth? I read online that HOL offered that on its web shop.”

“Uh…” Your eyes automatically went to the last cabinet of your wardrobe - usually not opened unless for very special occasions. “I do…but I’ve never used it. I get too nervous about it.”

“You can use it with me. I can watch the firewalls so nobody gets any in-ways into your settings.”

Just the idea of it made you cringe. “I’m not sure, Hoseok.”

“Trust me, Y/N.”

The disembodied voice was so reassuring, your following protests died on your tongue, looking at the AI for a second before tracking your way to the cabinet.

Opening the door, you peered in at the contents, by now dusty from disuse. Almost all your old inventions were on the top shelf, followed by a few ‘inspiration’ pieces that you’d stashed in where you could fit them.

On the second shelf, you found the carefully sealed box of the bluetooth…playthings. The clear blue plastic box was definitely not what you’d consider covert but then, you’d been alone in this apartment long enough for you to be sure that this particular cabinet would remain untouched.

Pulling it away and out of the jumbled mess within, you shut the door and carried it back to the bed, where Hoseok’s AI self had now moved closer.

It was almost as if he was waiting for you, so you obliged.

From within the box you fished out the small clit-bit courtesy of many nights of research on your part. The name wasn’t the most creative but then again - the things one could do with it were varied and worthy of note.

The second was the medium sized wand that could be inserted inside (sizes adjustable, of course). The third toy was something that looked like a feather pen - and admittedly that was probably your favorite - the one most used - for your breasts.

You discreetly glanced up at your AI before passing over the plug, leaving it untouched.

“Right,” You eyed your collection on the bedspread, still awkward when you sensed the AI carefully drift closer.

There was a momentary pause while Hoseok did whatever it was that he needed to do.

“Sit on the bed, Y/N.”

You blinked, but did as he told, sitting at the very edge of the bed. Another pause followed, before -

“Would you like to take your robe off or would you feel better having it on?”

The question was so polite and professional you almost didn’t process the query. Once you’d thought it through, you hemmed and hawed at the thought of getting fully naked in front of an AI that you’d consciously not wanted to use as a sex bot.

“I think I’d like it on.”

“As you wish.”

Hoseok asked you to get further up on the bed, satisfied when you rested against your headboard - still sitting, but in a way that wouldn’t cause any tension to your muscles during this…this session.

“Would you like to start with the feather?”

You eyed the pale, translucent whisks on the black metal stick, lifting it up before pausing. Your robe was tied to the front and while you felt skittish to remove it; it was obvious you couldn’t do much with the cloth in the way.

Taking the sash, you tugged at it, loosening the front till it revealed your chest and legs, so you could get to the good bits at the very least.

A low gasp made you look up; the hovering ball pulsing a pure purple for a split second.

“What’s wrong?” You asked immediately.

“Nothing, nothing, I am just…I am connected to the bluetooth toys now. You may use them how you choose. I will maintain the safe space and coordinate the toys as you so wish.”

You peered at him sharply for a few more moments before accepting the answer.

Hoseok probably discerned that you had lost the foothold in being calm to go ahead with it because he moved closer, now on the bed.

“Please relax, Y/N. I have everything under control. Take a deep breath and close your eyes.”

You closed your eyes to his soothing voice, taking two deep breaths to calm your nerves and loosen the muscles that had tensed in your neck and shoulders. Leaning your head back, your fingers ran the feather over your throat, lingering and flicking at the pulse at your jugular. Lowering the feather you traced it from between your breasts to your belly button circling the dip and back again.

“Put the metal in your mouth, Y/N.”

You opened your eyes, headily looking at the ball that now floated almost on top of you.

“Trust me, Y/N.” He said again.

Keeping your eyes on where you would assume it was watching you from, you plopped the metal end of the feather in your mouth, running it over your tongue and clicking it against the upper edge of your teeth.

“Now move the end over your nipples, circle them.”

The first brush of the wet metal, cooled by your saliva, over your nubs was an extremely pleasant jolt to your senses. It had been some time since someone had sucked on your tits sincerely - and while the warmth of an incessant mouth was hard to beat - the cold metal definitely was doing some things to you.

“Feels good,” You told Hoseok, logging in the feedback into it’s input for you to study later.

“Your heartbeat is picking up, Y/N.” Hoseok told you, leaving its spot from above you to go back to where the toys were laid out. “Perhaps the clit-bit would be a good choice now. I can tune it to prolong the foreplay.”

“How will you do that?”

“The device monitors pulse-rate and breathing speed. Once it detects an impending orgasm, I will have it stop then start it up again. We can do it for as long as you wish.”

You’d have to admit that this wasn’t the type of conversation most women would consider dirty talk. But you reminded yourself that this was first and foremost - an exercise, a little peek at what exactly your AI could do.

Not to mention the idea of laying back and allowing Hoseok to control the clit-bit was exciting - it took much of the job off your hands.

So you nodded, fetching the clit-bit and attached the thin straps it came with. Wrapping one around your hips and then along your thighs, the clit-bit latched onto the top of your mound like a thong would.

When you were back to your earlier position, feather in hand; Hoseok returned to his place over you. You repeated Hoseok’s previous instruction, sucking the end of the feather’s stick, allowing it to cool in the night air and then teasing your nipples with it.

A few moments passed with the straps trussing the small device to you. The feather was now running over your tightened breasts, the soft whisks catching onto the peaks.

And then - just when you weren’t expecting it, a sharp buzz ripped the cozy silence of the room. Your body bowed at the sudden and wrenching sensation at your center where the clit-bit had come to life without any preamble.

Your eyes caught the now thrumming orb, but it was useless - it wasn’t like Hoseok could actually see you the way a human could, or that he would be affected the way you’d expect a human to be. He’d follow your instructions, and simply only that.

“Fuck!” Your mouth twisted and spat a number of expletives while pleasure continued to be ravaged across from your core to every extremity of your body.

The straps prevented you from pulling away from the sensations and your hands clenched the feathered toy and whatever else they could reach. Just when you didn’t think you could fight the urge to cry out, it ebbed - the vibration dimming down to an almost imperceptible hum upon your flesh.

“How do you feel, Y/N?”

You took deep gasping breaths, looking at Hoseok, responding to his inquisitive concern.

“I’m fantastic. I don’t think I can last very long with this. It’s been so long - I don’t…I don’t have the patience or the stamina to draw it out if you know what I mean.”

Hoseok must have accessed some data he had collected before because it took him a second to reply. “I understand. Would you like to go again, and we may reach orgasm, so you can clean up and sleep? You do have work tomorrow.”

You hesitated. For one thing, you knew that Hoseok was right to be worried about your job. You didn’t want to call in sick because you passed out from an orgasm with an AI, no matter how alluring the idea was.

And yet…you also wanted to go through it again - call it crazy or whatever.

“How about, I just play with myself while you start the clit-bit again. Let’s see how long I can last? Just like an experiment?”

Hoseok switched on the clit-bit by way of approval.

In the end of the ‘experiment’, you lasted approximately 45 minutes. Twisting and trembling upon your sheets with the harshly loving toy pressed right up into you, your groans echoed within your bedroom with abandon. You didn’t even have to touch the wand - your fingers shoved deep inside you while the other hand busily pulled upon your aching nipples.

Hoseok’s presence somehow made things worse. It was frustrating that you had him computing your pleasure the way he glided over you. And you couldn’t touch him.

You wanted to touch him, feel him under your fingertips while his voice rasped in your ears.

The very idea of it, of having Hoseok’s hypothetical weight upon you, pressing down on you and pleasuring you, undid you.

Your fingers had to be removed, when you grew impossibly tight and you had to almost ball up, face turned into your pillows so you couldn’t scream bloody murder from the crashing orgasm that rampaged through you.

Shuddering from the aftershocks, you didn’t register Hoseok cutting off the clit-bit abruptly, not subjecting you to overstimulation.

You blinked tears from your eyes, remaining on your side even as Hoseok respectfully drifted away from your bed, giving you the space and time to pull yourself together.

Days later, sitting at your messy work table while you poked and prodded mindlessly at a strap you were designing for hypersensitive skin, it hit you.

For someone as knowledgeable and aware of the impact of their works, you were thoroughly - what did the kids call it? - shook.

The efficiency of the orgasm that had hit you with your AI, shocked you to your core. Not only had you rewritten the previous codes for it to include companionship - if you were honest, it was a revolutionary take on Boyfriend BOTS. Much, much better than those abhorrent sex dolls that had taken the market by storm.

You were faster, much more tolerant at work and that was the least of the best of the changes that Hoseok had brought into your life.

But with that also came the deep set concerns that a life of ethical science brought.

The worry about its limits, it’s boundaries - and your own emotions circling it.

You wouldn’t lie and say you weren’t slowly becoming overly dependent on the joy and comfort that Hoseok brought to your life. And you had created him - perhaps not out of that particular lonely need that drove many a desperate folk to HOL…or perhaps it was indeed your subconscious loneliness that had overtaken your mind when you reworked Hoseok’s programs.

Be that as it may, there was no way for you to sit and assess your feelings for your creation if he hovered so close to you. It was unhealthy - the level of craving you had for his voice already and it scared you.

The nights you spent at work, leaving late enough for you to slip in and go straight to bed and leaving at the crack of dawn was giving you eye bags, but at least you were spared the ‘talk’ you needed to have with your AI.

Dropping the strap you buried your head into your hands.

Hoseok’s presence in your home had you fucked in more than one way.

You returned home late one night after a similar workday, spent daydreaming about Hoseok and dreading the spike of joy and peace that his thoughts brought forth for you.

Exhausted and burdened by a sadness and yearning that you hadn’t experienced since your last break-up, you trudged inside your kitchen for a glass of water before carrying it straight to your bedroom - intent on sleeping and hoping to never wake up.

Curtains drawn and blankets pulled right on over your head, you were almost dead to the world when you had the distinct awareness of your bedroom door opening.

You remained in your warm blankets without moving, not fully processing the familiar creak even though you were moving towards consciousness steadily.

When the soft pads of footsteps on your floor were what reached your ears next, you tensed.

Stupid really, but your physical exhaustion won in the battle of keep your wrapped carefully in your sheets, hoping for whatever it was to simply pass. However, all aching muscles were thrown out the window when you felt the weight of a palm on the blankets over where your arm was curled over your head.

That arm shot straight out, your mouth opening to let out a hellish screech. You had no idea what it was that you hoped to do, with your arm now out. Perhaps you’d tried to catch the intruder in the face or at the very least leave a bruise with the heel of your palm.

All in vain because the next moment in your shrieking, you heard the voice that had been haunting you for days.

“Y/N! It’s just me! Calm down.”

Your screams turned to squeaks embarrassingly, head peeking out to make out the silhouette in the too dark room. A moment later, your night lamp flared to life and your eyes fell on the man who leaned over you.

It took you a second but you soon figured out what was wrong.

It was a man. A man - not a hovering ball of brilliant bluish purple swirls.

“Who the hell are you?” You demanded, scooting farther from him.

The man looked confused for a split second before glancing down at himself.

“It’s me. I am Hoseok. I hope my voice is still recognizable?”

You glared at the man, long enough for him to remove his palms from your bedspread and wave them vaguely in front of himself.

“I am aware that this is all very untoward. I was very careful in planning my…show and tell to you. It would’ve gone better - and different - but you never visited me again after that night and I was worried and desperate.”

He flailed some more.

“It took me a bit of time to process through them but I still had your logs from the…the clit-bit, so I compared them with the readings I got whenever I could feel you outside the office. I should say, I felt severe discrepancies from what a healthy person usually gives out and I got concerned. You also left the alloys and toolkits you ordered in the room so we could…make me a body but that didn’t happen either.”

He blushed then.

“So I just decided to take matters into my own hands. Your assimilating and constructing equipment is very sophisticated.”

You sat up at that, torn between awedd incredulity and rightful outrage. “You synthesized your body and fabricated it, when I wasn’t present?”

“Well, I had no real choice, did I? My creator was moping about outside and I couldn’t very well move about without the watch that tethers me to you. How was I to approach you? So I used the synthetic alloys that you told me were fashioned from that spray on skin technology. The results were good enough for me to move and come to you, the rest of the features I created from…well, from what I thought you might have liked.”

Hoseok spread his arms, a hopeful smile on…his face. “What do you think?”

If you were being very honest, you had to commend the AI. You had realized early on that the AI you had created learnt very fast and was incredibly intelligent. Of course, his reach being to just create himself a mobile body was a shock to your calculations but you couldn’t deny that he had done a good job.

The materials you had sourced had been nosebleed expensive, especially because you had pulled some serious strings to get your hands on the very delicate material that was synthesized from the cutting edge skin cell growth brand. The thing was barely on the prosthesis market and you felt horrible for procuring it for an AI but then again, who was to say that Hoseok couldn’t attain a status within the society, if not in the eyes of the government.

You had no real plans about that but you wouldn’t jealously hide Hoseok if he wished to step out.

And he was beautiful.

He had been right when he’d thought this was what you’d like to look at.

Beautifully slanted eyes, a thin nose, supple lips and everything defined by narrow lines. A disaster of red hair nestled on top of his head and looking carefully, you recognized the familiar bluish purple of his swirls deep within his eyes, even some flickers of color sparkling on his skin.

He was wearing only your robe, something you noticed with a start.

He was gorgeous and that only worried you more.

You had created Hoseok as something primarily to be used for sexual purposes. Something that could be sold.

You wouldn’t lie and say that you had no ruthlessness in you. Science required that. But you also hadn’t traded in ice for your heart - or rather your morality.

When Hoseok had taken on a life of his own, you’d been stunned - but of course, you’d encouraged him to become as…humanly sentient as he could.

That one night had made you feel shameful for reducing him back to what he was supposed to be, for devaluing him to just an AI to control pleasure.

And now…with the way he looked hopefully at you for approval, longing in his very tone, it was staggering to note that you had taken advantage of his dependence on you.

And what you wanted from him, of him would certainly be taking advantage, no doubt.

You wanted a relationship with your AI.

And for once, you were certain he wouldn’t leave. Didn’t that mean you were taking away his autonomy?

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the rejection.

“Hoseok,”

You were cut off when his fingers grazed your cheekbone, brushing up to your hairline.

“I can touch you now.”

There was wonder in his voice, emotion glimmering in those eyes of his.

You gulped.

“Hoseok,”

His touch vanished, head ducking down in contrition. “I understand. You do not feel the same for me.”

“What?”

By now, Hoseok had straightened, hands clutched to his front as he gave you a little bow and nod. “I was concerned when you pulled away but I supposed I pushed your boundaries. I had no intention of making you uncomfortable.”

You shook your head quickly. “You’re not making me uncomfortable. You also didn’t push boundaries. Yeah, synthesizing your own body was…I should’ve been there. I keep missing important milestones with you.”

He listened to you, but his eyes remained shuttered as he nodded.

“Well, I’ll let you sleep now. Goodnight.”

You watched him slowly walk over to the door again when you blurted out. “Where will you sleep? You can’t just log off now. You need somewhere to put yourself down.”

Hoseok hesitated, turning to look at you. “I can take the couch.”

“Don’t be silly.” You patted the portion of the bed you’d vacated. “Lie down.”

“I will only be intruding.”

“You’re not.”

He huffed at your firmness, marching back to stand at the bedside. “You do not wish to be involved with me. I hardly think sleeping beside you is going to help the cause.”

It was your turn to duck your head, exhaustion warring with the need to comfort him. In the end, you chose to put him at ease.

“It’s not that I don’t…want to be involved. I don’t have any misgivings that you’re an AI - or should I just say a Synthezoid. I just - look at it my way, I’ve created this beautiful thing, a creature of magnificence and it evolves into an intelligent life form of it’s own sort by its own volition. You’re a friend Hoseok, do you really think I find it okay to just devalue you to…something to have sex with, something to hold at night?”

He was silent for a long while, arms crossed defensively across his chest while he glowered at you.

“And you don’t think I know that there is more to a human relationship than that? You believe that I will not understand if you take advantage of me.”

You shrugged.

Fingers returned to your face, turning it up to look straight at him.

“I have…studied and learnt extensively over these past weeks of knowing you, Y/N. I have seen movies, television shows, news, and scoured over a hundred types of social media to get a thorough understanding of what a healthy and respecting partnership looks like. I’d wager that I know more than you.”

Hoseok chuckled mirthlessly when you raised your eyebrows in challenge.

“And even if I hadn’t done all that; I would still expect you to respect the choices I make. I want to be with you, I know you want to be with me. Let us at least try. Perhaps, we can learn together.”

He bunched your cheeks so your lips pushed out into a pout. It was ridiculous, the way he sounded so much more self assured than you ever had discussing things with your previous significant others. But what could you say? Hoseok made some very good and sharp points and then if you refused again, you might just be doing what you were worried about.

“If you ever feel…wrong, where we are, what we are doing, you’ll tell me right?”

“I shall.”

“Okay. So I can kiss you now?”

“You may.”

He let you pull away from him, to place your own hands on his face to place your chapped lips carefully on his.

You didn’t know what you expected. Perhaps it was something hard or elastic that you were anticipating, but when the pressure of Hoseok’s lips increased on yours, all you felt was skin.

Internally, you marveled at the quality of the fabricated skin cell tech that had contributed to Hoseok’s body. You hadn’t been the one to handle the materials for the constructing process so you had no idea what to watch out for but this was definitely a pleasant surprise.

You wondered if Hoseok had spent some time running his hands over his body, just to feel himself. You certainly were going to.

You pulled a hair's breadth away, sleepy hands coming up to caress the smoothness of Hoseok’s cheeks, the bridge of his nose, and the supple bumps of his lips. They parted under your fingers, allowing you to feel the strange plasmic wetness within that constituted his saliva.

“Is it weird that I am wondering what all you have got going inside of you?” You asked, changing directions so you could delve into the soft strands of his hair.

“I got the basics of human anatomy and what I needed to pass for it. A nervous system, circulation, heart, lungs, digestive organs and excretory, of course. I didn’t bother with the vestigial organs human beings retained throughout evolution.”

You hummed. “And the hair?”

He smirked. “Rapid hair accelerant. I had added it to your list of requested items when you weren’t paying attention. It’s something I saw they used for patients who lose their hair to chemotherapy, stress or genetic diseases.”

“The color?”

“That, I have no idea. Perhaps that explanation lies with you.”

Hoseok grinned against your resigned sigh when you kissed him again. Arms wrapped around his shoulders to pull him over you, letting him settle in between your legs.

For a while there was only the sound of lips smacking against each other, heavy breathing on your part and the soft hums and gurgles of praise from him.

You lost your night shirt when he rolled you on top of him, long fingers gripping onto the exposed flesh. You returned your attention to touching him again, tracing the protruding veins on his arms under the skin.

You made a mental note to thicken the formula for the skin cell, so he wouldn’t be so loosely protected against the elements.

You’d have almost told him that right then when he cupped your breasts, a warning squeeze on them.

“Don’t think about anything else tonight. You’re tired enough already.”

You nodded, being rolled over again until he was leaning over your stomach, carefully folding back the band of your sleep shorts.

“I want to show you something.”

You settled comfortably on your pillow, gesturing to him to carry on.

Hoseok eagerly slid the shorts off your legs, parting them to lie in between them. The previous shyness you’d have felt with a partner didn’t make an appearance, despite the last time Hoseok had seen you naked, he only could perceive you as data.

“I took a lot of references from the internet about the body I wanted to build and I made just a tiny little difference from what a normal tongue is like.”

Hoseok’s voice was casual but your head shot up.

“What did you do?”

He hushed you, wrapping an arm around your left thigh to hold you apart. “Just feel this.”

Unlike a normal human, he didn’t hesitate the first time he would taste you. He bent his head confidently, giving your slit a long, deep and hard stroke.

Your eyes widened, looking down at Hoseok surprised and intrigued. He gave you an impish grin back.

“Feel good?”

“What did you do?” The tone of your question was much different from the concerned one earlier. It was curious, maybe even scandalized.

“Well, see…I saw something about cats having these rougher tongues…” He waved a hand widely when you visibly were taken aback. “I only increased the papillae on my tongue by 1.5.”

He showed you his tongue for good measure, and without your glasses and in the mellow light of your lamp, you could still see the…strange bulk of his tongue.

“Is it uncomfortable?”

“Not really. I don’t know what a comfortable tongue is for a human in any case, so…”

He trailed off before looking down at the apex of your thighs again.

“Do you want to…do that again?”

You followed his glance down as well. “I…do. I don’t know what to do though. This is all new to me as well, you know.”

You were rewarded a kind smile for your cluelessness.

“Don’t worry about it. We have all the time in the world to…experiment.” He smirked. “I also wanted to try…” he blushed. “Fingering you? Although I think I need a little bit more time to study to make sure I am not hurting you.”

“Right,” You whispered weakly, suddenly self conscious that you were completely naked while he was still at least wearing your robe.

“How about we do something that you’ve already practiced with me?”

You looked up in confusion as Hoseok slipped off the bed, walking over to your toy cabinet. The one that aside from you nobody touched…until now.

You watched him fetch the box of the bluetooth toys back, the robe loosened and hanging around him in a way that might have fooled you into thinking this was a recurring event, with his ease around you, your home and your things.

Hoseok pulled out the clit-bit, feather stick, the wand and placed them on the bed, the same way he’d seen you do it before peering into the box. A moment later he was grinning at you. “Did you forget something the last time?”

He’d found the plug.

Your first instinct would’ve been to cover your face and start laughing but you held on, shrugging in faux disinterest. “I thought we might leave it for later experiments.”

“And so we shall; tonight is about what we already know.”

Hoseok climbed back on the bed on his knees, crawling over to you and pushing you back to lie down again.

He arranged himself beside you, one hand propping himself up and the other twirling the feather.

His expression turned intense as he lowered it to your body, running it over your features first and then dipping into your neck, running a straight line down to your waist.

The tips of the feather raised goosebumps in the most erotic manner, your nipples pulling up against the pleasure of the tickling.

You sighed, closing your eyes and letting your body fall loose as Hoseok subjected you to the kind of pleasure he must’ve picked up online.

As it were, Hoseok must have watched a lot because his maneuvering of the feather was expert. He circles it over your tight breasts, barely touching your areolas and yet you could feel it at the very tips. He kissed it to your navel, brushing the underside of your breasts and stomach. He ran it across the tops of your thighs, venturing within the dip of your legs.

“Your body is beautiful.” He murmured at one point, barely audible to you in your lustful writhing.

When he’d sufficiently riled you up, he dropped the feather to pick up the wand. For you, it was slender, decently lengthened to be accommodated by your body comfortably without pushing you too much. The point of the wand had been to prep you, mostly by a partner or to simply play with yourself. You rarely used the other attachments for it.

Hoseok ran a finger along the slim blush pink body of the toy, examining the slightly bulbous head and running it down to the buttons along the base of it.

Turning it on to the lowest vibrations, he pressed the head first to your collarbone, allowing it to soak into your torso. “Does it feel okay?” He asked.

You nodded.

Not another second was wasted in letting the wand caress the rest of you, first put squarely onto your left nipple. The smoothness of the wand, along with the mild vibrations made you jerk before relaxing, humming along with the vibe itself. You minded it’s movement further down your body, before Hoseok’s warm palm was pressing into your leg, pushing it further apart.

You braced yourself for the quiver of the vibe on your heated flesh, but just before you could feel it, the buzzing sharpened, increasing and then your eyes were flying open when Hoseok pressed the highest level of vibrations upon you.

Your eyes met his focused ones in a panic, legs trying to close automatically but Hoseok pinned your leg even more, more insistently.

“Just let it happen.” He spoke calmly enough without any of the strain that bunched your own body.

Your hands balled into fists at the increasing frequency of the vibrations, eyes clenched until whimpers escaped you from trying to fight it. This must have offended Hoseok because one second there was a resolute onslaught of sensation on your mound and clit, then the next a slippery wetness surrounded your right tit.

The feeling of Hoseok’s tongue was indeed bizarre, as you realized how effective it was in just a second of his stroking it over your skin.

Your first orgasm of the night flooded your senses with heat, rushing exhaustion and some vestigial sadness away with it.

Hoseok barely allowed you a moment to take a breath before his lips were on you again, clumsy yet ardent.

Your hands clutched at the robe he wore, bunching the material till it nearly yanked away from his shoulders before he parted from you.

“How do you feel?”

It took a moment for you to speak, shuffling till your head was propped better on the pillows. “Absolutely brilliant,” You gave him your best radiant smile, shooting a thumbs up for good measure.

The grin Hoseok shot back gleamed in the lamp-lit room before he looked thoughtful again, glancing back at the cupboard.

“Something I saw…had me thinking; will you be open for one new experiment tonight?” He asked quietly, hand rubbing gently over your arm.

“And what’s that?”

He didn’t tell you. Instead, Hoseok slipped back down the length of the bed and moved to the cabinet, rummaging inside the bottom shelves before whatever he found had him utter a little ‘ha.’

You could sense the mischief wafting off of him from way over there as he turned, giving you first an impish smile and then walking back with confident strides.

“The last time we spent a night together, I was unable to touch you, feel you or even properly see you. I might not be able to render you with the ability to see a matrix of data and bytes but I can certainly show you how it feels to be unable to touch what you crave.”

You only blinked at him.

“What?”

Hoseok raised his hands until you saw what he had brought out. Shimmering purple laced around his fingers, pretty to look at but with an unrelenting strength, as you had had the private experience of.

You squeaked in surprise, making his grin widen.

“I see you recognize it.”

“How do you even - where did you - what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking, Y/N, that I want to tie you up. That I want to watch you push and pull futilely while I make you come again.”

“But -”

“What concerns you?” He asked.

If you were being very honest, nothing was. However, the idea that Hoseok had perhaps scoured adult websites, shibari tutorials or whatever the hell else he could get his hands on - simply to be able to use it on you was making you both flustered and very, very turned on.

You just couldn’t choose which emotion to lean with.

So you chose to let him handle it. After all, you had programmed him for this, and he was such a good student. He couldn’t possibly fail you.

You offered your hands.

Hoseok ended up only tying your arms. Twining the purple silk cotton over your forearms and wrists, he slipped them around the bedknobs, tying it once and twice to be sure.

Lifted over your head, your pillow cradled your neck and head while you attempted to relax your muscles at the angle that hadn’t been used on your body for a long while.

“Comfortable?”

You shuffled again, shifting till your arms lay flatter on the bed and not bent awkwardly. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Hoseok leaned over you, trailing his tongue over your bottom lip before delving into a deep kiss. You slipped him your tongue tentatively, and he accepted the action with no hesitation. The sensation of his tongue against yours was ticklish, harsher strokes of the muscle against the wall of his mouth pulling puffs of air from you as he bowed you to him.

“Aren’t you going to take the robe off?” You asked finally when he sat up again, settled between your legs.

Hoseok paused, looking at you as if caught by surprise. Mouth parting as if he was going to answer you, he thought better of it, simply shrugging.

“Is it okay with you if I keep it on? I am…I’m not sure if,”

The answer hit you in a flash.

Hoseok was insecure.

It would’ve seemed absolutely dumb, considering he’d perfected the human male anatomy while rendering his own body but while his extensive research must have been exhaustive, it couldn’t contend with the fact that he was learning new things - new emotions.

“You know you don’t have anything to hide…or feel shy about with me right?” You asked quietly, gently.

Hoseok nodded.

“You don’t have to remove the robe, I just want you to feel okay.”

“I do.” He glanced down the length of your body before placing his palm on your tummy, slowly increasing the pressure on the edge of your mound. “I am feeling very good.”

In response, you opened your legs further, the material of the robe fluttering around the sensitive skin of your thighs and then there was something else. Harder. Smoother. Warmer.

“Oh fuck.” You couldn’t help but mutter when you realized that in his zeal to perfect his body, he’d created…well, to be extremely crass - a delicious cock.

You didn’t even have to see it to know.

Hoseok laughed at the sudden dazed expression on your face.

“You’re embarrassing.” He cooed and you would’ve replied with sharp wit if he hadn’t encased your lips in a heated kiss again, something more practiced in his actions now.

So lost you were in the feeling of his soft lips dancing with yours, you almost missed the brush of his tip over your slit. Your eyes snapped open, lips still smacking with his when he pressed in, the head disappearing inside you.

Hoseok’s eyes opened as well and for a while - as he gently slid his member in you to the hilt - your eyes remained on each other’s face, barely apart and studying each expression minutely.

Once you felt his pelvis hit yours, you took a long awaited breath - shaky and unsteady. His eyes focused on where you were joined, hands holding your waist as he reared back and then thrust again - a little enthusiastically that had your head snap upwards.

He was smooth, you realized - not feeling any veiny bumps rub within you. His thickness stretched you and he pulsed dangerously but aside from that the only comment you could think of making was -

“What the fuck, Hoseok, you’re so big.”

“Not really, it’s just 6.7 inches with a width of 1.8 inches at best -”

“Just fuck me already.” You shut his mathematical spiel up when he began to recount his measurements and it seemed Hoseok was all too happy to obey.

His hips maintained a normal pace, nothing that you couldn’t stand and nothing that would be very strange for him.

After a few moments, he stopped, turning his head to look over his shoulder and reach back. You’d have asked him what was going on but you already knew as the straps were snapped into place around your thighs.

The clit-bit came to life with glorious fanfare as you cried out.

Hoseok marveled at the sight you must have made because his thrusts were absent minded, gaze fixed solely on where the button buzzed against you.

A loud moan from you had his attention wander to you, eye wide at the way your head was thrown back, sweat beading along the line of your throat and between your breasts.

While he himself didn’t have glands to do that, he could certainly appreciate that warmth that came off of you.

“Y/N -”

“Faster, please Hoseok, please.”

A grunt escaped him when your begging somehow triggered the part of him that was tuned into your clit-bit. The device stepped up a notch, enough for him to feel it radiating inside you. It made him curve over you, slapping his hips into yours to create the sound he’d heard while he roamed the porn websites for any information that he could glean.

Most of them were fake, but the physical sounds of two bodies making love were unmistakable. It raced him with excitement, making his thrusts harsher.

You came around him with a litany of expletives he was already aware of, and the sight of you so far gone, nipples poking out, hair drenches and wetness pooling out of you, made his breath stutter inside his lungs.

He hadn’t been able to quite figure out the orgasm of a human male but he had programmed the information that one sent through a human being. He had replicated the physical bliss to act through his body despite being unable to actually “come” at all.

Once the whimpers escaping you subsided, he turned off the vibes, fingers nimbly undoing the ties around your arms and the straps from your lower body.

Once freed, he pulled the robe tighter around his body, drawing away from you respectively.

“Don’t you dare not cuddle me.” Your voice was breathy but unmistakably commanding and he happily pressed back against you, your arms wrapping around his torso, head against his chest.

His heart had returned to a normal pulse much quicker than a human’s but he hoped you would know how he’d felt.

“You didn’t come.” You noted.

“I don’t know what goes into it physically. But mentally I think I did.” He ran his fingers through the sweaty strands of your hair.

“We’ll figure it out together.” You kissed his chest, causing a funny tingling on his skin. “Also put you through another fabrication process.”

“What happened to no tech talk?” Hoseok teased you when you hummed at him, already near sleep.

“We can do that too. We can do whatever you want.”

Hoseok waited a second before returning a kiss to your forehead. “I look forward to doing whatever we want with you.”

#bangtansorciere #thebtswritersclub #btswritingcafe #btsghostie #btshoneyhive #ksmutclub #bangtanbathhouse #jhope smut #jhope fanfic #jhope angst #bts smut #bts angst #bts fanfic #jhope #bts #jhope x reader

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a-gender · 3 years

Text

Clearing out the askbox!

Anonymous said to a-gender: Idk if you'll even answer this but how do you know if ur agender cause I'm so fuckin confused about gender and this is the one option I haven't explored much yet. Like how do u know??????

Anonymous said to a-gender: How do u know ur agender. I assume is different for everyone, but I'm currently questioning and have no idea what I'm doing.🙃

Anonymous said to a-gender: Hello, TrevorSpace brought me here. I’m really confused about my gender right now and I’m going through a crisis. I feel agender but I still feel like a girl. If anyone can help me, I’d appreciate it greatly :)

Anonymous said to a-gender: Hey. Is nonbinary for specific for trans people? And those who don't feel like they have a gender is agender? Sometimes I feel they/them but okay with she/her. Does that mean I'm agender?

Anonymous said to a-gender: Hi, recently I've started identifying as agender because it feels exactly right for me. I have a very fem presentation just bc I like that style, and I've spent 6+ years calling myself a lesbian too. Can I possibly be agender and a lesbian? I don't know how to understand my sexuality outside of 'lesbian' bc that's what it's been shaped by so thoroughly, I like women and use they/she pronouns. Confused what I should do.

---------------------

Hi there! My apologies for the long wait--I've been very busy. I decided to group these together since they all deal with a very similar theme.

As far as how I personally realized I was agender--like I've said previously on here, a lot of it was realizing that any idea of gender as far as how it related to me, myself, and I was very little more than a wiggly hand-gesture static noise. 'Gender' has meaning when I think of other people, but not when I think about myself.

You can also explore terms like gendervague, gendervoid, and genderless, which are related terms but not necessarily quite the same as agender (your mileage may vary).

As far as feeling agender but also like a girl, assuming that 'girl' is gender-based and not presentation based--there are terms like girlflux, genderflux, etc. that might help! Those are more along the lines of a spectrum between 0 and "girl" that your gender might fluctuate up and down along.

Nonbinary is an umbrella term, as well as a specific gender! Agender falls under the nonbinary umbrella, and an agender person is both agender and nonbinary, but a nonbinary person may not be agender (and very well might be "just" nonbinary!).

It's important to remember that pronouns don't equal gender. If you like they/them and she/her, it doesn't mean that you're necessarily agender. You could be a whole host of things. For example, I use she/her, they/them, and ey/em and I'm agender, but my best friend uses she/her and they/them and is not agender. I wish I could be more help here, but unfortunately all your pronoun set "means" is... that you have a pronoun set.

The fact that you say you feel like you don't have a gender could certainly point to being agender, however!

Gender also does not equal presentation! Having a feminine presentation doesn't necessarily mean anything as far what your gender is (and don't forget about butch/masc lesbians!). However! The whole 'lesbian and now agender lesbian' thing is very familiar to me, because I went through the same thing! You can absolutely be agender and a lesbian, if that's what jives with how you see yourself.

If any of you have any followup questions, don't hestitate to let me know!

---mod Ama

#mod ama #anonymous #answered #questioning

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beatriceeagle · 5 years

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I'm more of a fantasy than sci-fi person, but consider my interest piqued. Why should I watch farscape?

Okay, the thing is, every Farscape fan’s pitch on Why You, Yes You, Should Watch Farscape ends up sounding very similar, and that’s because Farscape is a black hole that sucks you in and does things to your brain, and after you’ve watched it you are never, ever the same, which incidentally is basically the plot of Farscape.

I would summarize the basic plot for you, but that’s work, and luckily, the show’s credits sequence includes a handy summary that I will provide instead of doing that work: “My name is John Crichton, an astronaut. A radiation wave hit, and I got shot through a wormhole. Now I’m lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship, a living ship, full of strange alien life forms. Help me. Listen, please. Is there anybody out there who can hear me? I’m being hunted by an insane military commander. Doing everything I can. I’m just looking for a way home.“

So let me break down that monologue into its component reasons you should watch Farscape.

1) Some of the strange alien life forms are Muppets.

Farscape a co-production with the Jim Henson Company, and while there are many aliens played by humans in make-up, there are also a considerable number (including two of the regular crew) who are Muppets. By which I do not mean Kermit. I mean really gorgeous, elaborate works of art.

Also, even a lot of the humans-in-makeup aliens just look cool, and incredibly weird. Here’s an alien who appears in a single episode of season 1:

Not that there aren’t, you know, occasional Star Trek-style “these guys are just humans with weird hair,” or whatever, but in general, the aliens on Farscape look really alien. And that’s more than an aesthetic choice; it’s Farscape’s driving narrative principle. The aliens look alien, they act alien, they have alien values.

You know how a lot of sci-fi shows will have a stand-in for “fuck,” like Battlestar Galactica has “frak”? Well, Farscape has “frell.” And also “dren.” And yotz, hezmana, mivonks, loomas, tralk, snurch, eema, drannit, dench, biznak, arn, drad, fahrbot, narl. Some of those are swear words, but some of them are just words, never explicitly translated, that the alien characters will pepper into their speech, because, well, why should translator microbes be able to completely translate all the nuances of an alien culture? You’ll pick it up from context. One time, in passing, a character mentions that he’s familiar with the concept of suicide, but there’s no word for it in his language. I cannot emphasize to you enough how fleeting this moment is; the episode is not about suicide, we’re not having a great exchange of cultural ideas—at the time, the characters are running down a corridor in a crisis, as they are about 70 percent of the time—it’s just that the subject got brought up, and this character needed to talk around the fact that he literally didn’t have a word, in that moment. Things like that happen all the time, on Farscape.

Because more than anything else, Farscape is a show about culture shock. John Crichton is this straight, white Southern guy, at the top of his game—he’s an astronaut! he’s incredibly high status!—and then he ends up on the other side of the galaxy, where none of his cultural markers of privilege hold any meaning, where he doesn’t know the rules, where he literally can’t even open the doors. And he has to unlearn the idea that humanity is central, that he is the norm.

2) John Crichton, an astronaut, is pretty great.

A show that’s about a straight white guy with high status having to learn that he’s not the center of the universe could easily be centered around a really insufferable person, but one of the subtle things that makes Farscape so wonderful is that Crichton is, for the most part, pretty excellent. He has a lot of presumptions to unlearn because almost anyone in his cultural position would, but he’s also just a stand-up guy: compassionate, intelligent, open-minded, decent, forgiving, brave, hopeful.

And the galaxy tries to kick a whole lot of that out of him. It doesn’t succeed, mostly, but if Farscape is about anything other than culture shock, it’s about the lasting effects of trauma. How you can go through a wormhole one person, and experience things that turn you into someone you don’t recognize.

That’s kind of grim-sounding, but ultimately, what I’m trying to say is that Farscape is almost fanatically devoted to character work. Crichton is not the only character who sounds like he should be one thing and ends up being another. All of the characters—all of them, all of them, even the annoying ones—are complicated wonders. And you don’t have to wonder whether the events of the episode you’re watching are going to matter. They will. Everything that happens to the characters leaves a mark. Everything leaves them forever changed. Whether it’s mentioned explicitly or not—and often enough, it’s not explicit—the characters remember what has happened to them.

3) The living ship houses a lot of excellent women, among them the ship itself.

Ah, the women of Farscape, thou art the loves of my fucking life.

There’s Aeryn Sun, former Peacekeeper (that’s the military that the “insane military commander” hails from) now fugitive, currently learning the meaning of the word “compassion” (literally). She will break your fingers and also your heart. John/Aeryn is the main canon romantic ship.

There’s Pa’u Zhoto Zhaan, a priestess of the ninth level, current pacifist, former anarchist. Sorry, leading anarchist. She orgasms in bright light! (Oh my god, Farscape.)

There’s Chiana, my fucking bestie, a teenage(ish? ages in Farscape are weird) fugitive on the run from a repressive authoritarian state. Chiana is like a seductress con artist grifter thief who mostly just wants to survive so that she can have fun, damn it. Characters on Farscape do not really discuss sexualities (sex, yes, sexualities, no) and it would be fair to say that several of them do not fall along human sexuality lines generally, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that Chiana is canonically not straight.

Then there’s Moya, the ship herself, and it’s hard to get a straight read on Moya’s personality, since she mostly can’t speak. But she definitely has opinions, and things and people she cares about. And she moves the plot, though that gets into spoiler territory.

Past first season, further excellent women show up: Jool (controversial, but I like her), Sikozu (I once saw a Tumblr meme where someone had marked down that Sikozu would lose her shit when someone pronounced “gif” wrong, and that’s absolutely correct, and it’s why I love her), and Noranti (who is incredibly weird, and incredibly hard to summarize, but man, you gotta love her willingness to just show up and do her thing). Plus, there’s a recurring female villain, Grayza, who I could write probably multiple essays about. (I don’t know how you will feel about Grayza, as not everyone loves her, but I think she’s fucking fascinating, especially because she’s not actually the only recurring female villain. We also get Ahkna!)

(Side note: I should mention, here, that the cast of Farscape is really, really white. There is one cast member of color, Lani Tupu, but he pretty much represents the entirety of even, like, incidental diversity in casting for the series.)

Anyway, Farscape is full of awesome women, and also awesome and unexpected men, and it really enjoys playing with audience expectations of gender roles, generally. Literal entire books have been written about the way that Farscape fucks around with sex, sexuality, and gender. It’s a little weird because it was the late 90s/early 2000s, and sometimes that does come through, but Farscape’s guiding principle was always to try not to present American culture of the time as the norm, so like. It is not.

(An aside on Farscape and sex: Literally every character on Farscape has sexual tension with every other character. If you are a shipper, this is a Good Show, because no matter who you ship, there will not only be subtext, you will get a Moment of some kind. Multiple characters kiss the Muppet. Farscape is dedicated to getting into the nitty-gritty of the galaxy—I like to think of it as showing the guts of the universe—so a lot of the show is kind of squishy. They live on a biomechanoid ship, instead of androids there are “bioloids,” there’s a lot of focus on strange alien biologies, and lots of weird glowing fluids and things. I think the sex thing is kind of part and parcel of the larger biology focus: Farscape is really fascinated with how we all eat and evolve and live and die and, well, fuck. Which is in turn, kind of part of its focus on making everything really alien.)

4) Other stuff you should know.

Farscape as a whole is excellent, but it was kind of the product of creative anarchy—an Australian/American coproduction (oh yeah, everyone except Crichton speaks with an Australian accent) that was also partnered with the Henson company, whose showrunners were based in America but whose actual production all took place in Australia, and who was just constantly trying new things. So individual episodes can vary wildly in quality. It really takes off in the back half of season one, but no season is without a few off episodes.

It is extraordinarily funny, and I really think I haven’t stressed that enough. It’s one of the shows I want to quote the most in my daily life, but almost all of its humor is really context-dependent, and if you just wander around going, “Hey Stark? What’s black and white, and black and white, and black and white?” people look at you really funny.

It’s very conversant with pop culture generally (although obviously sci-fi specifically, and Star Trek most specifically of all) and really enjoys deconstructing tropes, often to the effect of, “Well, Crichton really does not know what to do here, does he?” but sometimes just to be interesting.

There are also a lot of themes about science, and its uses and misuses.

The whole thing is fucking epic, and if you get invested at all, will take you on an emotional ride.

This show is weird. I know that that’s probably come across by now, but I think it’s worth reiterating as its own point: Farscape is so weird. Like, proudly, unabashedly, trying its hardest, weird. An amazing kind of weird.

If you’re into fantasy, you should know that there’s a recurring villain who’s just a wizard. Like, they don’t bother to explain it any more than that, he’s just a fucking wizard.

In summary: You should watch Farscape because it is a weird, wild, emotional, epic romance/drama/action/allegory full of Muppets and leather and one-liners and emotional gut punches and love, and if you let it, it will worm its way into you and never let go, which, now that I think of it, is another Farscape plot.

Send me meta prompts to distract me from my migraine!

#farscape #meta

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adamarks · 5 years

Text

If one more person says simon snow should lose his wings i’m gonna lose my goddamn mind: a meta

Alright you guys, I’ve had ENOUGH. Simon cannot lose his wings unless you want him to break up with Baz, and this is why.

Let’s start with Baz.

This analysis is obviously Simon-based, and yes i’ll get there, but first we need to look at the biggest key we’ve been given to what Simon’s wings could possibly mean subtextually and metaphorically for the story at large. That key is: Baz’s vampirism.

Baz being a vampire is constantly compared to/mentioned in tandem with his queerness in Carry On. In his first chapters, what are the three most important traits that we learn about him?

he’s a drama queen

he’s a vampire

he’s hopelessly in love with simon snow

If you boil his character down until he’s basically just a stick figure, that’s what he is: an over dramatic vampire in love with Simon Snow.

We’ve all read the books, we all know this, and we all know he’s much more than that. What of it?

What’s important is that Baz’s vampirism is treated almost the exact same as his homosexuality.

Hiding it from everyone, being ashamed of it, knowing what you are but being terrified of it. His dad being “definitely more disappointed in my queerness than my undeadness.”

I mean, holy shit, let’s look at this bit in Carry on from Chapter 51:

“I think if I got married, to a girl from a good family, my father wouldn’t even care that I’m queer. “

This scene really hits, because how many times have you wondered “What if I was straight? Maybe this thing wouldn’t be as bad?” “What if i was just a straight poc?” “What if I was only gay and not trans?” “What if I was only disabled and not gay on top of it?” What if, what if, what if. Would my life be easier? you wonder. Would I get hurt less? Would people treat me better?

If Carry On is about self-realization, then Wayward Son is about the struggle of self-acceptance.

Baz going to Las Vegas and meeting Lamb probably seemed familiar for some of you people that are LGBT+. It’s how you feel when you’re from a small town and you go to a big city like New York or Orlando or LA for the first time and you see gay people all around you. Flamboyantly gay! Gay people holding hands! Gay people kissing! Trans people that don’t fit the gender norms! Older trans ladies just walking down the street!

It’s exciting, it’s exhilarating. Your baby-gay brain is so confused because no one’s giving them dirty looks. They don’t look nervous or ashamed. Is this allowed?

The party in the penthouse is glamorous and beautiful and alluring and none of the humans there are scared or look like they’re in real danger. It’s because they aren’t. None of those vampires are there to kill people.

This is where Baz’s fear of his own nature comes in. Let’s hear it for all you homosexuals in the crowd that are/have been terrified of being predatory. Of turning the gender you’ve been told all of your life you’re not supposed to want into pieces of meat. You feel ashamed for wanting physical intimacy. You feel wrong for wanting emotional intimacy.

Lamb is the older gay that you meet/learn about/watch on youtube or whatever that makes you learn that no, you’re not inherently evil. Lamb is the queer history, the queer movies, the queer people that you discover that make you learn that “no, i’m not bad. I’m not broken. I’m beautiful. I’m beautiful.”

Baz thinking the sight of Lamb drinking that guy’s blood being alluring and beautiful is crucial to his arc. Baz needs to see that all of him is beautiful.

So homosexuality = Baz being a vampire? How in the flying fuck does this have anything to do with Simon?

Remember, Baz is our key. His struggles have been happening since book one. Simon just gained his “creature” status at the end of Carry On. He’s new to this. Which means we’re new to the subtext. Which means: let’s dive on into the next big point.

Our Big Bisexual Boy

Whatever label you choose to use for Simon is up to you. As long as we all agree he likes more than one gender then it’s whatevs. I’m going to be using the word bisexual for this meta, though.

We’re all well aware that Simon is Struggling with his bisexuality in this book.

“I still haven’t sorted out whether I’m still attracted to women or whether I ever was, or whether I’m some kind of Baz-only-sexual. But the cleavage at this place is abundant, and I’m not mad about it.”

(taken from chapter 21)

Like....... y’know. We know. It’s... we get it.

The important part of that quote is that it’s at the Ren Faire. The Ren Faire is the first time Simon’s had his wings out in public since god-knows-when, if ever. This is also the first time he really considers kissing Baz in the book. Kissing Baz in Public.

Any of you that have been to Pride probably got a little bit of the warm fuzzies during this scene. The faire brought back such deep memories of my first pride it was a little bit emotional. I talked to random people, people ran around in rainbow outfits. There was body paint! Stupid hats! Weird dye jobs! The classic pride-flag-as-a-cape look! I talked to so many people and

“Everyone here is so friendly.”

(also taken from chapter 21)

Everyone was so nice to me.

Baz feels right at home; Simon is all smiles. The only one not having a blast is Penny and she’s (I’m sorry, Penny) the token straight friend in these books.

I don’t know how Rainbow did it, but she made me relive my first pride through Simon, and I’ll never not be grateful for that.

“Today I’m someone else entirely. Today I’m just a bloke with fake red wings.”

The Pride/Ren Faire parallels were pretty obvious, but I wanna get a little further into the whole “wings = being bisexual” thing.

We’ve established with Baz that being a magical creature or whatnot is Gay, but while Baz is fully magical, Simon’s “half-normal.” Kind of. It’s a weird situation there but half-normal works for the argument.

“’Smells like dragon... but also smells like iron. Another abomination!’”

(chapter 35)

Now the word “abomination” is really fucking unfortunate in this context, but biphobia exists so idk man. I’m gonna start talking in gay/straight terms and I absolutely know bisexuality isn’t half-gay half-straight but we’re talking in metaphors and i’ll tie it together at the end so just stick with me, okay?

He’s part dragon, part Normal (kind of). Simon’s not like Baz where he’s absolutely, 100% a vampire. He has traits of dragons and humans. This is why it’s so bad that he hates his wings half the time. They are part of him. They may not be “normal” and he may have to hide them, but he can’t just cut off the gay part. Our queerness doesn’t define us, but it’s a defining feature.

Penny says she wouldn’t be her if she wasn’t a mage. Simon wouldn’t be Simon if he wasn’t bi.

The mistake Simon and almost everyone else makes during this book is that they think of his wings as these separate entities. There is no gay part and straight part of Simon Snow. All of him is Simon. From the tips of his toes to the tops of his wings, all of him is Simon. He might’ve discovered this part of himself during a tragic point in his life, but that doesn’t mean it has to be something bad. It doesn’t have to be something tainted.

Sometimes you discover things about yourself during the hardest moments of your life. When you’re already down in the dirt, beaten and bruised, sometimes a mirror is put in front of you and you realize something. You realize you’re trans. You realize you’re gay. And sometimes you resent those realizations because they came to you at the worst possible time. “This is just one more thing on my plate,” you think.

This series is about reclaiming the things that where taken from you by the ones that hurt you.

Simon’s going to have to learn to love his wings, because even though they remind him of something that hurts-- hurts more than anything-- they’re part of him. They are him, as much as the rest of his body is. Simon’s going to have to forgive himself, and learn to love himself for all that he is.

Because all that he is is beautiful.

We all know it; it’s time for him to understand that.

All right, bitches. Let’s get to the bit we all REALLY care about. this is the one that really fucks me up my dudes. Because it’s Brutal. But anyways here we go.

His wings are the Big Baz Love

What are the two things that Simon’s considering cutting off in this book?

“That’s what I’m going to say when I break up with Baz.”

“Dr. Wellbelove said he could remove the wings. And the tail. Whenever I’m ready.”

(Chapter 2, Epilogue)

Yikes!

My guys..... Simon and Baz don’t kiss unless Simon’s wings are out.

I truly do not understand how some of you are out here saying Simon’s gonna lose his wings I really don’t. It’s stressful. I’m stressed. Ms. Rainbow Rowell, you have me stressed.

His Wings! Are! His Love!

On Love’s Light Wings!

Goatman dances his nasty little fingers all over the bridge that is Baz’s ass? Wings out, uses his tail to help kill the guy. Lamb is hitting on Baz too much?

“’Spell my wings off.’”

(Chapter 45)

In the airport, when a lady is giving them the “don’t be gay” stink eye he immediately checks to make sure his tail is hidden.

Baz can’t spell his wings off, guys.

Baz can’t spell his wings away.

“’Snow needs you to cast your angel spell on him. I hid his wings for breakfast, but they’re still there.’“

(Chapter 19)

In Chapter 41, the biggest kiss scene we get, Simon wraps his wings around Baz to hold him. He’s embracing him in his love guys. Guys.

Have you people noticed how i’m suddenly less articulate? It’s because i’m in crisis. Set me on fire I wouldn’t notice. I’ve been living with this terrible knowledge.

The first scene we finally see them kiss is after the scene at the Ren Faire when Simon’s wings are finally out and he finally got to fly.

“Simon catches up with me and traps me against the car. He’s kissing me before I see it coming.”

Simon is so dtf in this scene Penny throws a water bottle at them, and it hits him in the wing.

“’So hot,’ Simon Says. ‘Got to see you fight without picking a fight with you myself.’

Bunce throws a plastic bottle over my shoulder, and it smacks Simon in the wing.”

(Chapter 22)

She had to smack him right in the love for him to calm down, my dudes, my guys. Do you realize how hard it was for me to annotate this goddamn book with this knowledge? Every. Single. Time. Simon stretches a wing or flaps them around it’s about Baz. It gets to the point where you have to put the book down or you’re gonna explode.

Simon’s wings are always out around Lamb. He’s jealous as hell and he hates that motherfucker’s guts. The only real injuries Simon sustains in this book are to his wings and they’re almost always when Baz gets hurt too.

When did Simon get his wings? Only a day after he first kissed Baz.

Simon’s love for Baz is so big and so obnoxious he can’t hide it. His wings and tail have spikes, because that’s all Simon knows. He’s rough around the edges, he’s been hurt, he’s been used.

He’s never been in love before.

His love is spiky; it’s loud. It’s hotrod red and you can’t miss it when it’s out. Baz can’t see it, because Simon’s tucked it away. He hasn’t flown with it. He hasn’t wrapped it around Baz in so long. He doesn’t know how to handle a love this big, where to put it, when to unfurl it.

Simon gets jealous. He gets scared. He’s insecure. He wants so dearly to finally give to someone instead of feeling like he’s just giving in. Like he’s still just taking from Baz.

What do you do with wings?

How do you find somewhere safe to fly?

The Resolution.

I said earlier that if Carry On is a story of self-discovery, Wayward Son is a story of self-acceptance.

Simon has to love himself, and learn that his love for Baz is a good thing. As he accepts himself (and his dragon powers evolve go read my dragon simon meta it’s good.) he’s going to start to shine.

This is a story being told to us with nothing but love. This is a story about a boy that’s his own worst enemy-- as all of us often are. It’s so scary to accept our wings. It’s so scary to accept our fangs. Especially when they’ve come out of such a hideous occurrence.

We need to accept these dark times and acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, we were made more beautiful because of them. Maybe the light we give after we’ve been in darkness is more vibrant, because we know how scary the dark is. The things that happened to us were horrible, and hideous, and terrifying, but we aren’t. We’re different from how we were before, but we’re still beautiful.

Simon Snow is going to accept himself.

Simon Snow is going to accept his past.

Simon Snow is going to finally, finally tell Baz he loves him.

And for the first time, Simon Snow is going to see that he’s beautiful.

If you’ve liked this meta you should also check out this one where i explain how they’re finally gonna get their relationship together. Also the one about the scarf

Special thank you to @singerofsimplesongs for listening to me howl and screech about this damn thing.

Tagging some people that might be interested!

@neck-mole @watfordwallflower @carrybits @theflyingpeach @fight-surrender @shitty-posty-times @wisest-girl @slaying-fictional-dragons @gucciglitzy

#carry on #wayward son #any way the wind blows #rainbow rowell #simon snow #snowbaz #baz pitch #Penelope Bunce #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #tyrannus basilton pitch #wayward son spoilers #meta #wayward son meta #carry on meta #this will end in flames #agatha wellbelove

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ghost-light · 3 years

Text

we rot, thinkin' lots about nothing

My contribution for Pride Day of @willieappreciationweek!!!

Summary:

Their gender- hm.

It was sort of like gender envy. Except remove the envy part. Because sure, ghosts could have gender. But it wasn’t really the gender he wanted. Stuck with it. Just like they were stuck in the afterlife, if you could call ghosthood an afterlife.

Read it under the cut or on ao3

To be fair, ghosts had never really needed a specific gender.

They still didn’t, at least not by any standards or official rules (spoiler alert; that’s because there were no definitive rules. The closest ones Willie had ever known to be rules were smashed to smithereens by Caleb Covington and Alex's band).

So when Julie asked if they wanted a pride flag or pin, it threw him off. When Julie showed them some pictures of pride flags for different gender identities, it threw them off. Hence the mini-spiral of skateboarding and maybe avoiding a certain band of ghosts and their lead singer.

It wasn’t hiding, per se. Willie Williamson Ortega didn’t hide. There was nothing to hide from, anyways. And yet, here he was, skating the day away, stuck in their own head with a problem that wouldn’t resolve itself.

He never had a label before. They were just a gay skater in the 80’s. He was just Willie, or William, to Caleb.

It didn’t feel quite right anymore.

The thing was, Willie's gender just was. They were a ghost. Couldn’t that be their gender?

(Agender, Flynn had suggested. Not having a particular gender. But that wasn’t quite right. He did have a gender. Probably.)

Willie tried explaining it to Alex, because he was a ghost too, right? Except… not quite in the sense that Willie was. Alex tried, he really did. But seeing the blonde’s encouraging but confused smile, and the way Alex’s eyebrows furrowed with intense concentration sank Willie’s spirits.

Flynn was a little more understanding. But they had found a label, was comfortable calling herself a demigirl lesbian. Demiboy and gay felt- close. Maybe. He hadn’t thought about these things so urgently before, hadn’t been able to find people that could truly get the situation. After seeing his look of distress, and the way their hands repeatedly combed through their hair, Flynn’s face softened. They put down their phone, still keeping a half-casual air. Adjusted their hat (where did Flynn get so many hats?).

“You know,” she paused. Exhaled slowly. “You know, gender is more like a concept. Like- my gender is basically a lesbian, yeah? It doesn’t make sense, but it makes sense to me. Some people call it a performance, but the point is that it shouldn’t define you. If you don’t find a label that you like, who cares, dude? If anyone gives you crap for it, hit them with your skateboard.”

The last line startled a laugh out of Willie, their shoulders relaxing ever so slightly. “I, uh, yeah. I’ll keep that in mind. You’re-you’re pretty great at this stuff.”

Flynn smirked, tilting their head to the side. “I know. Now go get ready for your,” she wiggled her eyebrows a bit, “date with blondie. And I am off to catch my demon of a girlfriend’s dance rehearsal.” Their eyes sparked at the word “girlfriend”, and Willie couldn’t help but grin back.

“Not a date!” he called out. “Not- it’s not a date. It’s just movie night with Alex. And Luke and Reggie and Julie. See? Not a date.” Willie was fumbling with their words, meaning he was probably blushing hard too.

“Mhmm.” Flynn looked bemused, shaking her head a little. “Have fun on your not-a-date-ghost-party-plus-my-best-friend then, skater boy.”

—

Okay, so Flynn had been helpful. That wouldn’t explain why Willie still felt lost, though considerably less so than before.

Their gender- hm.

So gender envy without the envy. And it was still unclear if “ghost” was a real-enough gender, or if Willie was making it all up. So that took away from the metaphor quite a bit. Gender envy, but without the envy. Oh, and scrap the gender too. Nice metaphor, Ortega. You’re really making progress here.

It’s ok. Everything’s fine. Willie isn’t the least bit concerned. He didn’t need a label, honestly. So why did they feel like they needed one so badly? Nobody was going to care, Julie certainly wouldn’t mind regardless of the answer she got. (If Willie was being honest, it wasn’t really about Julie.)

Didn’t Willie figure this out when they were alive? Skaters didn’t need a gender. Skating was what defined them, not a gender identity label or their sexuality. Skating was the one thing that made them feel free and alive. And then they died, of course. That didn’t mean they couldn’t still skate, though. And yes, maybe he couldn’t really feel the wind in their hair as he rushed down Hollywood Boulevard, and as much fun as phasing straight through lifers was, it did only emphasize the fact that he was a ghost. Not real.

If Willie themself wasn’t real, then why should their gender have to be real? It was barely a significant part of them, anyways.

In all seriousness, he did have an idea of why Julie’s simple question was affecting them so much. Nobody had ever asked them that before. For years, decades, Willie had simply. Been. Willie Williamson Ortega, ghost skater at the Hollywood Ghost Club.

It hadn’t occurred to him just how much they didn’t feel like a person during that time. Skating was wonderful, of course. Their only true escape from the strange hodge-podge of Caleb’s talent show. It was Caleb that was the problem, Caleb that had been leeching off Willie’s being the whole time.

And then, he was alive again. Willie, that was. Not Caleb. Alex brought Willie back to life, and wasn’t that just ironic? Because Willie was so, so alive in ways that they had never been before. And all while he was dead, to top it off.

And the craziest part about it was-

And then their board rammed into someone, sending both parties to the ground in a groaning heap.

“Ah damn, I am so sorry, I- Reggie??” This was great. Another one of the band members that they ran over with a skateboard. Alex was never going to let him live this down. At least they weren’t obsessing more over the board than the person. (Although, Willie had done a quick check of his board, which seemed unharmed.)

“Man, I just wanted to go for a walk, not get turned into roadkill,” Reggie laughed, sitting up cautiously.

“I’m so sorry dude, I wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention. Honestly, I was kinda having a minor afterlife crisis, as Alex would say.” He doesn’t know why he said that, doesn’t know what it is about Reggie that made them suddenly willing to stick around instead of apologize and skate off.

“Minor afterlife crisis, huh?” Reggie raised their eyebrows, hands propped up on his knees. “I mean, the afterlife is weird. Luke poofed my shirt away the first time we teleported! And Alex still gets wedgies, even though all our clothes are made of air!” Willie glanced at him, checking if he was serious or not. It was hard to tell, with Reggie’s earnest-puppy-dog confused face.

Willie inhaled deeply, sighing as they sat down. “Yeah. You know, I don’t think I’ve felt this alive, with Alex and you guys and Julie, since like, I died. And then Julie was asking about pride, and I can’t quite figure out what my gender identity is. It’s kinda…” His voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.

“Like you just are, but in a different way than everyone else.” Reggie murmured, eyes downcast.

Willie’s eyes snapped to Reggie. “Yeah! Exactly. You know that feeling? Because you just are, but nobody can understand that. I’m alive like I haven’t been in forever, and I can’t. Can’t put a name to myself anymore.”

Reggie nodded enthusiastically. “Luke keeps saying that maybe I’m like him. But I think he’s wrong. I used to wear skirts to our band performances. They were just fun to stomp and jump around on stage with. Nobody asks me, but if they did, I would say my gender’s like that. I’ll do it if it makes me feel good, but not because of labels.”

It was as simple as that. Willie took a breath, felt it sink into his bones and settle there. Simple. As. That. They’d been so busy worrying over finding a proper label. And truly, it wasn’t such a big deal.

Beside them, Reggie was still talking. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re ghosts. We can pretty much do anything. Skating makes you feel more you, right? You say that a lot. Skateboarding, that’s enough to be an identity, gender or not. My sister used to say, when our parents would get mad at me for wearing skirts or makeup, that it didn’t matter. Because I would always be me, you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m always going to be me. Thank you, Reggie. I think you solved my minor afterlife crisis for me.” Skateboarding is a part of me. I can be a skater. I can be a ghost. I don’t need any other labels than that.

Except maybe Alex’s boyfriend. Or spouse. No! Stop thinking that much ahead, you haven’t even asked him out yet, Ortega! Focus on right now.

“Nah, it was all you. You knew it, you just needed to hear it again.” They grinned, green eyes sparkling in light of the setting sun. Willie huffed out a laugh, offering a fist. Reggie tapped his fist against Willie’s, not hesitating for a moment.

—

When Alex met Willie’s gaze, all he could see was happiness.

“Everything okay?” He asked, already knowing the answer that would come.

“Yeah. Reggie helped me figure some things out. And I’m still me. Just Willie.” They smiled, reaching out for Alex’s hand.

“Well, Just Willie, I hope you’re ready for Friday movie night. Luke picked A New Hope,” he leaned in and stage whispered, “for the seven hundredth time.”

Luke protested from across the couch, standing up to make his point.

“It’s a good movie, but we’ve all memorized the script at this point, Lucas.” Alex shot back, squeezing Willie’s hand slightly.

Willie leaned back, eyes fond as he took in the scene. Luke and Alex bickering loudly over who had the better movie choices, Julie laughing, exasperated as she bent over to paint Reggie’s nails a pale purple.

Definitely the most alive they had felt in a long time.

#willie appreciation week #willie wilbur williamson #willie jatp #jatp #julie and the phantoms #my writing stuffs

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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how does one know if they're ace or aro?

Hi Lovely!!

Ahhhhh, well, sadly this is a different experience for every individual, and I can only speak for myself. I am not Aro, so I can’t give you that personal anecdote, but I am ace.

You see, I grew up in a very conservative city, and went to catholic school, so you just... don’t think of anything other than boy and girl. Except I didn’t think of ANY of that at all. I thought maybe I was just a late bloomer. I got to college and still... nothing. Just what the HELL is wrong with me?

For me, growing up, I just... never understood why everyone was so obsessed with sex, and why making out never “turned me on”. I genuinely thought I was broken, that there was something wrong with me. I like being cuddled and hugged and just having emotional intimacy, but the second someone wanted to go beyond that, I was like “NOPE”, called a prude and a bitch, and that was that. I wanted all the aspects of a relationship but not interested at all in ever having the sex part of it.

But I never brought it up to my doctors, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship because “Hey, I’m broken, no one will want me anyway”, so I focussed on my career instead. I’ve essentially shied away from relationships because I didn’t want to explain to someone that “I’m broken, I only want cuddles, and it has to move at a snail’s pace”. So yeah.

This was all made worse by a mother who constantly told me “what’s wrong with you, why haven’t you given me grandchildren, HAH AHAHAHHA the movie “40 Year Old Virgin” is about you isn’t that hilarious??”

No, mother, it wasn’t.

What clued me into possibly being ace was actually really funny. It was when I got into the Sherlock fandom and people discussed Sherlock’s sexuality, and I believe it was Brönte who mentioned something about asexual Sherlock, since she was a literature major. "Asexual” is one of those terms I’ve heard, but didn’t really know anything about outside of what it meant.

This is where my almost-4-year sexuality crisis began. It has its issues, but I started my journey by reading up everything on Asexuality.org. EVERYTHING including the forums. Then I watched asexual TED talks (there’s one by the founder of Asexuality.org and another by a young person (sorry I can’t remember their pronouns) that are really good and informative) and YouTubers like Amelia Ace and Slice of Ace (Anthony Padilla actually has an interesting “I spent a day with” video with aces that I recommend, and youtuber Ash Hardell came out with a VERY good series I watched when I was learning about myself). Suddenly everything clicked. It was LITERALLY an “Oh.” moment. Then I learned about the split attraction model, which aces use to help clarify where they are on the spectrum, and about 2 years in, I suddenly realized that “Hmm. I’ve always said I want to be with ‘some ONE’ not some man” so I had another long think, did more research, and thought yeah, you know what? I don’t care about the gender presentation of who I end up with, as long as we’re happy and we enjoy each other’s lives.” So yeah that was a bit of a surprise to me.

Then I met other asexuals at 221B con.That was what sealed it for me: their advice and help and just genuine kindness and understanding of how I feel. I’ve NEVER had anyone say “yeah, I feel that way too!”, rather than “I just don’t understand how you can’t want sex. Everyone wants sex!”.

So now, I’m 2 years “out” to my online friends, I’m glad I’m not broken anymore, but let me tell you, it’s a fucking scary thing to go through at 34.

I still am not publicly out, but I don’t make it a secret that I go to Pride week and I support LGBT causes. And I never leave home anyway, and will probably be alone the rest of my life, but I feel at peace with myself, you know? Just simply KNOWING that I’m NOT broken is a fucking weight off my shoulders.

I know the running joke in the fandom is that “Sherlock Fandom Made Me Gay”, but honestly, there is a grain of truth in it. A lot of us just... don’t KNOW until we’re around other queer people. Which I wasn’t ever UNTIL I came here AND moved to a very liberal city. Everyone was very understanding and helpful, and in turn and in thanks, I was able to also help other lovelies who, like me, didn’t know and were scared.

So yeah, Lovely, for me it was a sense of “something’s different, but I’m not sure what”. And then a lot of research. I knew I wasn’t aromantic because I do desire and crave romance probably in the same way allosexual people crave sex... I wouldn’t know, I’ve never craved it, LOL.

Personally, I encourage everyone to just have a period of their lives where they learn about different sexualities and different types of romance. You always hear these stories about someone not knowing they were homoromantic until they had a roommate they fell in love with. One of my best friends found out he was trans in his mid-thirties... He just thought he was a tomboy who just... felt different.

It’s a different experience for everyone, Rory, and one that only you can discover on your own. Read up information, watch YouTubers, go down the wikipedia rabbit hole, and talk to other people in the various communities.

But let me tell you, Rory, remember this term: Split Attraction Model. Discovering this term helped me a lot on my ace journey. Remember Asexuality and Aromanticism are both very VERY wide spectrums and very VERY different things, and it’s going to take awhile to figure out where you belong. But once you do, I think you’ll be at peace. And it’s OKAY to not “settle” on a label. Please know that. Sexuality is fluid.

Good luck Lovely, and don’t hesitate to ask if you have any other questions. <3

#steph replies #asexuality #ace awareness week #about me #my life #chatting with lovelies #hey-im-rory

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caesar1141 · 3 years

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How Caesar realized they were aro ace

TLDR; I could have saved a metric crap ton of confusion and questioning if my schools had some barebones queer education and not just abstinence abstinence abstinence

Ok so basically I kept growing up and would look around at the people and nervous chuckle, "They're too young to be dating, I'll date when I'm older" because I thought attraction was a choice? Like "I want to be attracted to people now" and it just unlocks. In 7th grade, I lied about having a crush on people and for a couple years, I just didn't care until I got to 10th grade when I had an absolute crisis, why don't I like anyone, am I broken? AAAAA! Hyperfixated on that feeling for a hot second then I stopped caring because that thought process no longer brought me emotions and my dumb ADHD brain demands stimulation

So in 11th grade, two of my best guy friends had crushes on me. Turned the first one down, the second one I said yes because "I might as well give it a try" and I thought of it like any other time we had hung out together, just not with the rest of the group but the thing is, he kept sitting too close, the air felt weird, I hated every second of it.

Went home and in a mad tirad to figure out what was wrong with me, I realized that I have never had a crush. I had never really thought about, my thoughts were much more occupied with dragons and whatever book I was reading (and the annoyance when it turned out to be a kissing book). So I googled what it felt like, asked friends and family, until I asked google the question, "Is it normal to have never had a crush on anyone?" and that's how I found out I was asexual. I never really went through the pan/bi questioning phase because I *very* much just wanted to be friends with people which immediately led into "Oh wait, there's a difference between romantic and sexual attraction??" and now here I am, local aro ace, ready to kick ass and take names (please give me your names, I’m having a gender crisis)

#asexual #aromantic #abstinence only education trash #caesar's rambles #lgbtq+

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starry-seongmin · 4 years

Text

The Genius Plan - 02′ Liners ft K

themes: crack, fluff?

warnings: none

words: 2.3k+

The gym was silent. Three of the boys were sitting and having an existential crisis. Not just having existential crisis but contemplating life itself and why were they just so goddamn stupid. Why didn’t they think before speaking and why they weren’t being swallowed by the ground. “I can’t believe you two dragged me into this”, Sunghoon let out a groan, glaring at Jay and Jake from the corner of his eyes.

Meanwhile, their two friends were stuck between making fun of them and helping them. They really outdid themselves for sure this time. Euijoo was trying to come up with a plan that would actually work for once while Nicholas was coming up with various ideas, each one more ridiculous than the previous one.

Now what led to this scene? What actually happened which left Jay, Jake and Sunghoon wanting to jump off the roof of their school?

Well, it all began a couple of days ago on an ordinary school day. Well, as ordinary it can be for the five of them.

Nicholas, Jay, Euijoo and Jay (Sunghoon had taken a sick leave from school) entered their school premises and being the ultimate heart throbs of the school, they obviously had multiple eyes following them and people talking about them as they passed. No matter what gender you were or what your sexual orientation was, your eyes would automatically gravitate towards them. They had this presence about them that left people staring.

But they were complete idiots. And everyone was well aware of that fact. But did it stop them from staring at them? Absolutely not.

Eujoo was someone you would only see in a fictional world. Kind, charming, respectful, a gentleman, charismatic, soft and to top it all off handsome. He was too good to be true. And when he wore a sweater or a hoodie with long sleeves and had sweater paws? You could see everyone just gushing over how soft and cute he looked. He was part of the student council and was friends with everyone. Even the awkward and introverted people felt comfortable in his presence. He radiated warmth and softness. Ask anyone about him and they will keep telling you how nice he is. Like, is he even real? Definitely the type of person your parents will approve of.

Jay would consider himself as that mysterious bad boy which left people intimidated but impressed. Absolutely no one thought of him like that. He was a delusional person. Everyone knew he was a kind hearted and soft person who joked around and loved to make people smile. And of course, like his friends, he was also a complete idiot and not to mention at times, a piece of shit. But goddamn, he is one of the most competitive people you’ll ever meet. Everyone is aware of his R.A.S.

Nicholas is someone who at first impression looks like a bad boy with his resting bitch face. But when he smiles..oh boy..when he smiles it’s game over. It’s like rainbows appear and cherry blossoms bloom when he smiles. Once people get to know him they would see he is really just a dork who enjoys life. Like, Jay, he is also a piece of shit at times. He would get into trouble with Jay often and the both of them would end up in detention the most. Everyone knew he has the biggest obsession with Rain. Ask anyone and they will tell you of the time he met Rain and accidentally smelled him.

Jake is another one who is the softest and one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Is on good terms with everyone and many people stop to talk him especially to hear his accent. His accent leaves everyone bursting the phattest uwus. His friends are over protective of him and everyone knows that. If someone does him dirty, Jay, Nicholas, Sunghoon and yes, even Euijoo will not hesitate to fight them. But no one wants to fight him in the first place. Another one who your parents will approve of.

Sunghoon, now he’s actually the one who intimidates everyone the most and he is not quite aware of it. Absolute prince like features. You will be surprised that there are no woodland creatures and birds surrounding him and singing. He’s the one who people don’t really interact with because of his cold features. Even though everyone knows that when he smiles and laughs, he looks like an absolute angel which calms their nerves a bit and encourages them to approach him even though they’re still a bit hesitant. Also known as the ‘Ice Prince’ because everyone knows how he rules the ice skating rink. You would’ve been living under a rock if you didn’t know about his talents.

Okay back to the story��

Jake walked to his first class which he shared with Euijoo. The teacher had not arrived yet and as the two entered their class, they greeted everyone as they made their way to their seats.

A shadow loomed over them, specifically over Jake and the two friends ceased their conversation to look up at a girl who was smiling shyly at them, her hands behind her back. Noticing her awkwardness, both of them smiled at her and she visibly relaxed. “Hi! do you need help?” Euijoo asked the girl who shook her head. “I just wanted to give this…little gift to Jake”, her timid voice barely made it to their ears but the little present she placed on their desk confirmed their speculation.

“Oh..”, Jake didn’t know what to say even though this wasn’t the first time someone gave confessed to him directly or indirectly. “Thank you, I really appreciate it but I can’t return your feelings…I’m sorry”, Jake smiled apologetically, letting the girl down easily. Her expression faltered but she put on a smile again. One which was just as awkward as her previous one. “That’s okay, I understand. You can still keep it”, she replied before taking her leave, waving at the two boys.

“Now how many of these do you have?”, Euijoo turned to Jake who was inspecting the wrapping. “This will be my fifth from this week”, he replied.“I feel so horrible when I have to let someone down.”, he sighed, carefully putting the gift in his bag. “At least she took it well”, Euijoo commented. Both the boys shuddered as they recalled those who made a scene or cried after being rejected.

Later in the day, during recess, Euijoo was on class duty so only Nicholas, Jay and Jake were sitting at their usual place. “Listen, I know what can put a stop to all those confessions and you two breaking people’s heart”, Nicholas proclaimed out of the blue, and quite proudly, at the dejected two who were looking at the confessions they had received today quite guiltily. Nicholas’ words piqued their interest and the two boys shifted their eyes to Nicholas who was stuffing a whole muffin in his mouth.

When he had swallowed the mouthful ever so gracefully, a small smirk made it’s way and he shifted closer to the two boys, leaning forward. As if something was pulling them closer, both Jay and Jake found themselves leaning forward in anticipation to what genius plan their friend had come up with.

“Pretend you’re already in a relationship”

And that my dear folks, was the idea of the year. The idea of all ideas. The very idea which led the five boys to where they are now.

Euijoo was mentally prepared to hold back Sunghoon from attacking them especially Jay. He was also mentally prepared to hold back Jay from attacking both Nicholas and Jake. And the poor boy was already mentally prepared to protect Jake from Jay’s wrath.

“What happened?”, a different yet familiar voice chimed in. All five boys were welcomed by the sight of a friend, a senior from their own school who had long graduated. “Kei hyung..”, Eujoo sighed in relief, thankful that someone more mature and older was there to keep the boys in check before any of them got knocked out.

Nicholas looked like he was dying to spill everything to the oldest boy. He was fighting off a laugh that was on the verge of escaping from his lips and his eyes were glinting with nothing but mischief. He was not even the slightest bit of guilty that it was his ‘fool-proof, one of a kind idea’ that got them in here in the first place.”

But before Nicholas could say anything to the confused K, Jay started complaining about the whole incident and thus, rained on Nicholas’ parade. It felt as if the boy had no plan on stopping and taking a breath with the way his mouth was moving. K, seemed very amused and was sporting a small smile.

“Okay so it all started with us getting confessions everyday to the point we were tired of rejecting people and breaking their hearts. And our genius here, Sir Wang Yixiang the First came up with the spectacular idea of us pretending to be in a relationship to put stop to all this.” Jay stopped to finally take a breath. Sunghoon, however, was not going to stay silent.

“Well, if Nicholas’ idea was genius than your idea was just out of this world wasn’t it!?” he cried out. K turned his head to Jay who seemed very quiet after Sunghoon brought him up. “What was your idea?”, K, it seemed was secretly finding the whole ordeal very entertaining as his eyes were swimming with humour.

“I…”, Jay couldn’t bring himself to speak and thus admitting his..now that he thought of it..it was actually stupid. “I told the people I was dating Sunghoon”, he finally admitted, swallowing his pride. K coughed to hide the slip of his chuckle and Euijoo was biting his lip, trying not to laugh. Nicholas, however, was utterly shameless as he started giggling which then turned into loud laughter. Jake, it seemed, was finding Nicholas’ laughter far hilarious than the situation itself as the boy hid his smile by covering it with his hand.

“Oh you’re laughing now?? Wait till you hear what our Jakey has to say”, Jay cried out, trying his best to save the remainder of his dignity. Jake choked when all attention was on him, face reddening. Suddenly he found his shoes the most interesting thing this universe had to offer. “Don’t be shy..tell hyung what you told the school..come on”, Jay prodded him.

Jake opened his mouth and mumbld something which K couldn’t make out at all. After being teased by Nicholas to speak up and embrace it, Jake finally took a deep breath and -

“I panicked and told the school I was dating Jay”

K had to sit down for this because if he didn’t his legs would’ve given away from how hard he was laughing. Nicholas was now on the floor, holding onto his stomach, Euijoo letting out adorable giggles and even Sunghoon managed to smile. Jay however was pinching the bridge of his nose, sighing and trying his best not to let his emotions take over him and poor Jake was smiling shyly.

“Where were all of you when this happened?”, K asked now that he had regained his composure and breath although, body still shaking. “I was with Jake when he announced his alleged relationship on a fine Tuesday during Literature class.” Euijoo replied, his arm around Jake for comfort. “And before they could tell us about it, Jay had already spoken about his ‘relationship’ with Sunghoon”, Nicholas continued, patting Sunghoon’s back.

K turned to face Sunghoon who looked exhausted. “What about you?”

“I was at home. Sick!”, he exclaimed. “Do you know how it feels when you come to school after a day and find out that you are now in a poly relationship which you weren’t aware about!?” the boy was hysteric. “And with them of all people!? I mean Jake is okay I guess..but Jay!? Hell no!”

“Hey!”, Jay looked extremely offended. “I would make a great boyfriend, okay? Way better than Jake!”, he protested. “Are you even hearing yourself right now!?”, Sunghoon couldn’t believe his ears. “Why are you guys laughing!?”, he turned to the audience of four who were in hysterics.

“why do comedy shows even bother”, Euijoo giggled. “They can never top this”.

“I can’t wait to tell the others of this”, K wheezed. Sunghoon and Jay immediately sobered up. “Hyung, you won’t”, Jay’s small voice of betrayal made the Japanese boy stop and stare at him. He was really like a younger brother to him and K knew that he’d do anything for him just to see him happy. “I most definitely will”.

The face Jay made was one for the books. The face of utter shock and betrayal. It felt like he was stabbed in the heart multiple times. “I thought you were my brother”

“Shouldn’t you be concerned that the whole school thinks you’re in a poly relationship?”, K teased. “But that’s Nicholas’ fault! It was his idea in the first place!” Jay whined, glaring at the Taiwanese boy.

“Hey, I only shared my idea. In no way I said that you two should act on it. It was just an idea, a suggestion merely. It’s the both of yours fault to follow it.”, he brushed off the accusation. Jay, it seemed was not willing to brush it off so easily as he pounced on the unsuspecting boy and captured him in a headlock.

Nicholas cried out for the others for help but no one bothered to except for Sunghoon, who stood up and walked to the two of them. However, as Nicholas had anticipated, Sunghoon didn’t even try to help him. Oh no..he wanted his share of revenge too.

So, he sat on the floor and made himself comfortable before attacking Nicholas. With tickles. To Nicholas, it felt his end was near, thrashing around like a fish out of water. A couple of minutes later, all three of them were on the floor, breathing heavily. “So am I forgiven?”, Nicholas asked tentatively, between his heavy pants.

“We’ll see”, both Jay and Sunghoon replied in unison.

Nicholas groaned, knowing he was done for. But was he going to learn from this?

Definitely not.

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tlbodine · 4 years

Text

A Horror History of Werewolves

As far as horror icons are concerned, werewolves are among the oldest of all monsters. References to man-to-wolf transformations show up as early as the Epic of Gilgamesh, making them pretty much as old as storytelling itself. And, unlike many other movie monsters, werewolves trace their folkloric roots to a time when people truly believed in and feared these creatures.

But for a creature with such a storied past, the modern werewolf has quite the crisis of identity. Thanks to an absolute deluge of romance novels featuring sometimes-furry love interests, the contemporary idea of “werewolf” is decidedly de-fanged. So how did we get here? Where did they come from, where are they going, and can werewolves ever be terrifying again?

Werewolves in Folklore and Legend

Ancient Greece was full of werewolf stories. Herodotus wrote of a nomadic tribe from Scythia (part of modern-day Russia) who changed into wolves for a portion of the year. This was most likely a response to the Proto-Indo-European societies living in that region at the time -- a group whose warrior class would sometimes don animal pelts and were said to call on the spirit of animals to aid them in battle (the concept of the berserker has the same roots -- just bears rather than wolves).

In Arcadia, there was a local legend about King Lycaon, who was turned to a wolf as punishment for serving human meat to Zeus (exact details of the event vary between accounts, but cannibalism and crimes-against-the-gods are a common theme). Pliny the Elder wrote of werewolves as well, explaining that those who make a sacrifice to Zeus Lycaeus would be turned to wolves but could resume human form years later if they abstained from eating human meat in that time.

By the time we reach the Medieval period in Europe, werewolf stories were widespread and frequently associated with witchcraft. Lycanthropy could be either a curse laid upon someone or a transformation undergone by someone practicing witchcraft, but either way was bad news in the eyes of the church. For several centuries, witch-hunts would aggressively seek out anyone suspected of transforming into a wolf.

One particularly well-known werewolf trial was for Peter Stumpp in 1589. Stumpp, known as "The Werewolf of Bedburg," confessed to killing and eating fourteen children and two pregnant women while in the form of a wolf after donning a belt given to him by the Devil. Granted, this confession came on the tail-end of extensive public torture, so it may not be precisely reliable. His daughter and mistress were also executed in a public and brutal way during the same trial.

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

The thing you have to understand when studying folklore is that, for many centuries, wolves were the apex predator of Europe. While wolf attacks on humans have been exceedingly rare in North America, wolves in Europe have historically been much bolder -- or, at least, there are more numerous reports of man-eating wolves in those regions. Between 1362 and 1918, roughly 7,600 people were reportedly killed by wolves in France alone, which may have some bearing on the local werewolf tradition of the loup-garou.

For people living in rural areas, subsisting as farmers or hunters, wolves posed a genuine existential threat. Large, intelligent, utilizing teamwork and more than capable of outwitting the average human, wolves are a compelling villain. Which is probably why they show up so frequently in fairytales, from Little Red Riding Hood to Peter and the Wolf to The Three Little Pigs.

Early Werewolf Fiction

Vampires have Dracula and zombies have I Am Legend, but there really is no clear singular book to point to as the "First Great Werewolf Novel." Perhaps by the time the novel was really taking off as an artform, werewolves had lost some of their appeal. After all, widespread literacy and reading-for-pleasure went hand-in-hand with advancements in civilization. For city-dwellers in Victorian England, for example, the threat of a wolf eating you alive probably seemed quite remote.

Don't get me wrong -- there were some Gothic novels featuring werewolves, like Sutherland Menzies' Hugues, The Wer-Wolf, or G.W.M. Reynolds' Wagner the Wehr-Wolf, or even The Wolf Leader by Alexandre Dumas. But these are not books that have entered the popular conscience by any means. I doubt most people have ever heard of them, much less read them.

No -- I would argue that the closest thing we have, thematically, to a Great Werewolf Novel is in fact The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. Written in 1886, the Gothic novella tells the story of a scientist who, wanting to engage in certain unnamed vices without detection, created a serum that would allow him to transform into another person. That alter-ego, Mr. Hyde, was selfish, violent, and ultimately uncontrollable -- and after taking over the body on its own terms and committing a murder or two, the only way to stop Hyde’s re-emergence was suicide.

Although not about werewolves, per se, Jekyll & Hyde touches on many themes that we'll see come up time and again in werewolf media up through the present day: toxic masculinity, the dual nature of man, leading a double life, and the ultimate tragedy of allowing one's base instincts/animal nature to run wild. Against a backdrop of Victorian sexual repression and a rapidly shifting concept of humanity's relationship to nature, it makes sense that these themes would resonate deeply (and find a new home in werewolf media).

It is also worth mentioning Guy Endore's The Werewolf of Paris, published in 1933. Set against the backdrop of the Franco-Prussian war and subsequent military battles, the book utilizes a werewolf as a plot device for exploring political turmoil. A #1 bestseller in its day, the book was a big influence on the sci-fi and mystery pulp scene of the 1940s and 50s, and is still considered one of the best werewolf novels of its ilk.

From Silver Bullets to Silver Screens

What werewolf representation lacks in novels, it makes up for in film. Werewolves have been a surprisingly enduring feature of film from its early days, due perhaps to just how much fun transformation sequences are to film. From camera tricks to makeup crews and animatronics design, werewolf movies create a lot of unique opportunities for special effects -- and for early film audiences especially (who were not yet jaded to movie magic), these on-screen metamorphoses must have elicited true awe.

The Wolf Man (1941) really kicked off the trend. Featuring Lon Chaney Jr. as the titular wolf-man, the film was cutting-edge for its time in the special effects department. The creature design is the most memorable thing about the film, which has an otherwise forgettable plot -- but it captured viewer attention enough to bring Chaney back many times over for sequels and Universal Monster mash-ups.

The Wolf Man and 1944's Cry of the Werewolf draw on that problematic Hollywood staple, "The Gypsy Curse(tm)" for their world-building. Fortunately, werewolf media would drift away from that trope pretty quickly; curses lost their appeal, but “bite as mode of transmission” would remain an essential part of werewolf mythos.

In 1957, I Was a Teenage Werewolf was released as a classic double-header drive-in flick that's nevertheless worth a watch for its parallels between werewolfism and male aggression (a theme we'll see come up again and again). Guy Endore's novel got the Hammer Film treatment for 1961's The Curse of the Werewolf, but it wasn't until the 1970s when werewolf media really exploded: The Beast Must Die, The Legend of the Wolf Woman, The Fury of the Wolfman, Scream of the Wolf, Werewolves on Wheels and many more besides.

Hmmm, werewolves exploding in popularity around the same time as women's liberation was dramatically redefining gender roles and threatening the cultural concept of masculinity? Nah, must be a coincidence.

The 1980s brought with it even more werewolf movies, including some of the best-known in the genre: The Howling (1981), Teen Wolf (1985), An American Werewolf in London (1981), and The Company of Wolves (1984). Differing widely in their tone and treatment of werewolf canon, the films would establish more of a spiderweb than a linear taxonomy.

That spilled over into the 1990s as well. The Howling franchise went deep, with at least seven films that I can think of. Wolf, a 1994 release starring Jack Nicholson is especially worth a watch for its themes of dark romantic horror.

By the 2000s, we get a proper grab-bag of werewolf options. There is of course the Underworld series, with its overwrought "vampires vs lycans" world-building. There's also Skin Walkers, which tries very hard to be Underworld (and fails miserably at even that low bar). But there's also Dog Soldiers and Ginger Snaps, arguably two of the finest werewolf movies of all time -- albeit in extremely different ways and for very different reasons.

Dog Soldiers is a straightforward monster movie pitting soldiers against ravenous werewolves. The wolves could just as easily have been subbed out with vampires or zombies -- there is nothing uniquely wolfish about them on a thematic level -- but the creature design is unique and the film itself is mastefully made and entertaining.

Ginger Snaps is the first werewolf movie I can think of that tackles lycanthropy from a female point of view. Although The Company of Wolves has a strong feminist angle, it is still very much a film about male sexuality and aggression. Ginger Snaps, on the other hand, likens werewolfism to female puberty -- a comparison that frankly makes a lot of sense.

The Werewolf as Sex Object

There are quite literally thousands of werewolf romance novels on the market, with more coming in each day. But the origins of this trend are a bit fuzzier to make out (no pun intended).

Everyone can mostly agree that Anne Rice’s Interview with a Vampire was the turning-point for sympathetic vampires -- and paranormal romance as a whole. But where do werewolves enter the mix? Possibly with Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter books, which feature the titular character in a relationship with a werewolf (and some vampires, and were-leopards, and...many other things). With the first book released in 1993, the Anita Blake series seems to pre-date similar books in its ilk.

Blood and Chocolate (1997) by Annette Curtis Klause delivers a YA-focused version of the classic “I’m a werewolf in high school crushing on a mortal boy”; that same year, Buffy the Vampire Slayer hit the small screen, and although the primary focus was vampires, there is a main werewolf character (and romancing him around the challenges of his wolfishness is a big plot point for the characters involved). And Buffy, of course, paved the way for Twilight in 2005. From there, werewolves were poised to become a staple of the ever-more-popular urban fantasy/paranormal romance genre.

“Sexy werewolf” as a trope may have its roots in other traditions like the beastly bridegroom (eg, Beauty and the Beast) and the demon lover (eg, Labyrinth), which we can talk about another time. But there’s one other ingredient in this recipe that needs to be discussed. And, oh yes, we’re going there.

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Alpha/Beta/Omegaverse

By now you might be familiar with the concept of the Omegaverse thanks to the illuminating Lindsay Ellis video on the topic (and the current ongoing lawsuit). If not, well, just watch the video. It’ll be easier than trying to explain it all. (Warning for NSFW topics).

But the tl;dr is that A/B/O or Omegaverse is a genre of (generally erotic) romance utilizing the classical understanding of wolf pack hierarchy. Never mind that science has long since disproven the stratification of authority in wolf packs; the popular conscious is still intrigued by the concept of a society where some people are powerful alphas and some people are timid omegas and that’s just The Way Things Are.

What’s interesting about the Omegaverse in regards to werewolf fiction is that, as near as I’ve been able to discover, it’s actually a case of convergent evolution. A/B/O as a genre seems to trace its roots to Star Trek fanfiction in the 1960s, where Kirk/Spock couplings popularized ideas like heat cycles. From there, the trope seems to weave its way through various fandoms, exploding in popularity in the Supernatural fandom.

What seems to have happened is that the confluence of A/B/O kink dynamics merging with urban fantasy werewolf social structure set off a popular niche for werewolf romance to truly thrive.

It’s important to remember that, throughout folklore, werewolves were not viewed as being part of werewolf societies. Werewolves were humans who achieved wolf form through a curse or witchcraft, causing them to transform into murderous monsters -- but there was no “werewolf pack,” and certainly no social hierarchy involving werewolf alphas exerting their dominance over weaker pack members. That element is a purely modern one rooted as much in our misunderstanding of wolf pack dynamics as in our very human desire for power hierarchies.

So Where Do We Go From Here?

I don’t think sexy werewolf stories are going anywhere anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no room left in horror for werewolves to resume their monstrous roots.

Thematically, werewolves have done a lot of heavy lifting over the centuries. They hold up a mirror to humanity to represent our own animal nature. They embody themes of toxic masculinity, aggression, primal sexuality, and the struggle of the id and ego. Werewolf attack as sexual violence is an obvious but powerful metaphor for trauma, leaving the victim transformed. Werewolves as predators hiding in plain sight among civilization have never been more relevant than in our #MeToo moment of history.

Can werewolves still be frightening? Absolutely.

As long as human nature remains conflicted, there will always be room at the table for man-beasts and horrifying transfigurations.

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#horror history #werewolves #horror #werewolf #long post

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