#one about interactions and how loneliness never leaves even when it does

[theguardianace]

i wish i was a faster writer because i have SO MANY GOOD RUI FIC IDEAS but they all end up permalocked in the idea stage... the things i could say about this sad purple cat...

[i-yap]

TIM DRAKE X Y/N-Headcanons with a reader that he's known since childhoo

I'm doing rich y/n cuz rich kids usually are allowed to interact only with rich kids and realistically in gotham I can see the parents being weary ( this may be slightly inaccurate my bestie is rich but I'm not so I asked her for a little help so...yea )

Getting to know you was maybe the biggest privilege he has as Drake's kid. Your parents prolly made you guys hang out a lot since you were really young. Rich people have these big ass private dinners at restraunts or at home which are so so boring and you and him would just excuse yourself with the excuse of "checking out the property" .

You have had the wildest adventures, once you guys somehow found an exit from the property and it was on the hills so you just roamed around a forest- got lost- slide down a hill and went back to the restaurant with holes in your clothes and mud in your hair. Or the habit of pushing each other in the fountains and swimming pool

The only reason your parents put up with this is because rich wants to marry rich and so two of you being together was a way you both could be free.

I can also see you guys carrying a small change of clothes underneath the fancy gala gown/suits or dinner dresses and sneaking out from the parties to eat greasy food, hit up shady places or concerts, go to the skate park or even just sit up on the rooftop and smoke greens

NOW I DO BELIEVE THAT TIM DOES A LIL WEED..and therefore you do too. but you keep each other in moderation and only do it when you guys are together ( ill make a separate post about this if you guys comment that you want one?)

When his mom dies, you are there. when your parents are being shit he is there. you guys support each other through rich loneliness ( rich kids don't have real friends type of thing) and honestly you guys are happy to just be together .

he sneaks up your balcony , you help him build those detective boards. you know everything, he just doesn't know how to no rush to you and tell you everything.

When he becomes robin, you prolly already knew bruce cause rich people know rich people. Bruce just thinks of you guys as a combined package (like literally everyone else) one can not exist without the other sort of situation.

you guys probably always talked about running away, in great detail.

so many irritating references and inside joke, you guys are unbearable but u don't care. sucks to be bitchless.

he would leave it all for you , say the word. he cant live without you, he doesn't know how to, he never wants to learn.

[kindestegg]

The plush under Collector's bed: A totally necessary analysis, trust me

So, as a recap of this scene, before King leaves to visit Eda and Lilith, Collector asks King if he could sleep with François that night.

King reminds Collector that only himself and Luz can hold François, and Collector obliges but asks that he at least leave François there to "watch over him", claiming he "doesn't like being alone".

King does so, and Collector seems satisfied. It's very telling of Collector's development that they never touch François after this interaction, showing respect for King's boundaries.

... Except! This sweet little angel is actually a master trickster! A liar and a fiend!

He had a plush under his bed the whole time!!! In fact I'm pretty sure every shot of their little bedroom planet has the underside of Collector's bed obscured UNTIL King starts to leave and we pan to see the beds from an angle which reveals the plush!

You know what this means, right? Collector could have easily pulled his plush from under his bed and cuddled up with that if he hated sleeping alone so much, but he didn't. Why?

Well, I don't think he was lying about being lonely. Loneliness seems to be a prominent common theme for Collector, both declaring his loneliness back at the start of O' Titan, during a vulnerable moment where he didn't expect anyone to hear him, so he'd have no reason to lie there...

And then also having this acknowledged by King in the current episode, who has been living with him for about two months now, so he would know Collector's state of mind better than most here.

So... what gives? Was Collector really only out to force King to give François to him? Why?

Well, my current theory about this is what François means in this scenario: a connection to King. We know François is very important to King and King does not hide this when he expresses to Collector how he won't let them hold him.

To Collector, being able to sleep with François is the ultimate foolproof way to ensure King won't leave them. First, if King eventually lets them hold him, it signifies King would trust them enough with this and hold them to a regard as high as Luz, which we know Collector seems to be jealous of. I... just realized I should probably analyze that too, huh. Well, all in its due time.

And second, even if King won't allow them to hold François, but leaves them close to Collector in their room, that already acts as a guarantee. A guarantee that King will come back for François eventually, that King won't leave them to sleep alone the entire night.

Whatever the case, François is a symbol, a meter to test their closeness for Collector and King, and considering how many times Collector has lost people they considered friends before (whether those were real friends - in the case of the titan babies - or not - in the other collectors and Belos' case -) and have been double crossed by Belos, it's no wonder they have trust issues and want to make sure King does care about keeping them company.

So... that's it, then? He probably threw his original plush under the bed and then lied to King he lost it and is now constantly trying to get King to let him either hold François or at least keep him close to him as a connection between him and King?

Well... yeah, but if you'd allow me, I'd also like to talk a little on the symbology of the plush here. You see, while we can't make out the full of what the plush looks like, it appears to be some sort of canine with pointed ears and a poofy tail. Maybe it could be a titan, even a plush replica of King, but... I don't think so. There seems to be no stitching around the neck to signify it has a skull like titans do.

See, I think this is a fox plush. And why it is important in a metatextual sense that it is a fox requires a look into lots of different possibilities, each enriching the narrative in a different way.

For one, in popular folklore, foxes are seen as tricksters, lying and cheating their way into what's most convenient for them. Villain or hero, the fox is always winning people over through tricks.

This would align with the very nature of the plush being thrown under Collector's bed: it calls back to the fact he's tricking King with this. And yes, while Collector does have his problem with "fibbers", I don't think he's above more harmless tricks, we've seen him joke around with King before, purposefully feigning ignorance to mess with him, and the very nature of how he splattered Belos was through him lying that he wasn't mad. He may dislike it when a major lie is told, but little lies and sarcasm are no stranger to him.

Another possible connotation is the fact that rabbits and foxes are naturally prey and predator. François is a rabbit, Collector's plush is a fox. King, the member of the species that was hunted by the collectors, holds the prey animal, while Collector holds the predator animal...

The position of the plushes is also important here if we go with this interpretation: François is on top of King's bed, indicating he does not conceal he is the prey here and is well aware of this. He says so as much: "this whole time I was scared of making him mad". In general he behaves like a scared animal around Collector, despite their efforts to put them in equal grounds and the fact they have spent so long together and made considerable progress in their friendship.

Collector's fox on the other hand is under their bed, signifying Collector has concealed their fox, or maybe more appropriately, buried and left the fox behind. They may be part of the species that wiped out all the titans, the predators that so mercilessly hunted King's species as prey, but they want no part in this. Their backstory seems to involve wanting to play with titans and denouncing the other collectors after all, likely being bitter at them for ruining everything and hunting their new playmates to near extinction.

Alternative readings also include a few possible pop culture references. A possible one is the prominent role of the Fox in the Little Prince. While Hunter is the one who has been nicknamed "little prince" by Darius, Collector still seems more thematically similar to the character, being a child who came from space:

The similarity also hands itself to the fact King does somewhat resemble a fox with his canine qualities and fluffy tail, and in the story, the Fox was one of the first friends the Little Prince makes on Earth, and the one to teach him how to approach someone who does not trust you yet, to "tame" them.

Yet another possible reference this could be is the Disney movie "The Fox and the Hound":

Which seems like something I should frankly make a whole separate post comparing the eerie similarities it harbors to the current dynamic Collector and King hold. But to summarize, if you don't know the movie, it follows a hunting dog pup and a fox pup that become friends at a young age, and their friendship must overcome advertisities unique to their species.

If this is a reference to this particular movie, this once again has a different reading: Collector is clearly the hunting dog here, not the fox. For him to keep a fox under his bed would signify he wants to keep King close to him, safe under his bed and protected. This could even be a call back to the very last scene the titular fox and hound in the movie share: Copper, the hound, positions himself above the fallen Todd, the fox, protecting him. The plush being under the bed to mirror this would make sense.

Whew! I think that's everything that I had in mind to comment on this particular tiny easter egg. Whatever meaning you take from this about Collector's mysterious plush, I hope I could at least inspire something in you!

[thranduel]

i need people to actually stop and think logically when it comes to fictional characters. more specifically, when it comes to astarion.

it’s frustrating when people only talk about him in a sexual way and reduce him to “the hot sexy flirty vampire” or “the bear guy” (he was used as an EXAMPLE in a livestream, it’s not even canon in his lore) and view him as someone who “loves flirting and sleeping with people” when he does NOT. he canonically has sexual trauma, was forced to use his body to seduce people, got punished whenever he didn’t listen and is STILL suffering from ptsd after years of abuse and torture (already kinda spoke about this here).

it’s also frustrating when people hate on him and reduce him to “horrible evil heartless cruel annoying bastard” and act like you’re a shitty person if you like his character and must automatically agree with everything he’s done when you absolutely don’t?? he’s a FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN A FANTASY GAME, you can enjoy the complexity of his character and appreciate his character development while also acknowledging his flaws and not approve of every single thing he has ever done.

but before i continue, everyone should watch this scene. many people haven’t seen it because you have to pick very specific dialogue choices when astarion’s siblings approach you at camp. it’s brutal and heartbreaking but this is where he talks about what cazador did to him when he punished him for not listening to his orders. and yes, it’s bad. like really bad. this is just the first part, but the rest of it is more intense and it’s in the video:

“once - in the first decade of my slavery - i found a darling boy who i couldn’t bare to bring back to him. so i ran, instead of hurting that sweet man. after cazador caught me, the bastard sealed me, starving, inside a dusty tomb, all on my own, for an entire year”.

i wish people could actually just try to understand him and his backstory before reducing him to something he’s not. he’s not this one-dimensional “chaotic evil villain”. he’s not this “flirty sexy vampire red flag bad boy” he is SO much more than that. he is so complex and well-written and it’s so weird how people ignore it.

instead of constantly focusing on how he acts at the beginning of the game and saying “astarion is so mean and cruel what a horrible guy who doesn’t care about anyone but himself”, why can’t we talk about how he was forced into doing so many horrible things that he never wanted to do and how his master punished him every time he didn’t follow orders to the point where it utterly broke and destroyed him? he lost his freedom and bodily autonomy. he was forced to sleep with people and then lure them to tragic fates. imagine how sick, disgusted, guilty and horrible he felt all at once. it made him numb, empty, angry and scared even when he was far away from cazador, because that type of pain and trauma never leaves you. he was surrounded by cruelty for so many years that he responded with cruelty in many situations. he hated when people tried to be the hero or make false promises to save someone because no one ever saved him. no one even tried. he had no one and nothing. he was used to constant disappointment and loneliness. he was treated like an object rather than a person. of course he’s going to be bitter because of that. how can you seriously expect someone who only knew a world of cruelty to see sunshine and rainbows and be the sweetest person you’ve ever met? he’s upset, he’s angry, he’s hurt, he’s bitter. does that make every action of his okay? is it an excuse? absolutely not. and no one said that it is. his own life was being destroyed and he also destroyed others at the same time. it’s horrible. but everything cazador did to him explains why he became like that.

but the moment you actually start to treat him like a person, you can immediately see things start to change. that is literally the only thing he ever wanted. that’s why the scene you get after the drow interaction at moonrise is one of my absolute favourites. i know there’s a different version of that scene (if you don’t talk to the drow) where he instead admits he had a plan to seduce you but then fell for you, but the reason i prefer the drow one is because it feels really meaningful and important for his character in regards to consent and treating him like a person. like it’s just such an important conversation to have with him. obviously the other version is still really sweet when you think about the romantic aspect of your relationship and it’s nice to hear that he’s fallen in love and tells you that you deserve something real, because he’s never had those sort of feelings for anyone. it’s really beautiful. but i love how the drow version of the scene could actually work for both platonic and romantic relationships with him if that makes sense? it’s important to him because you made the decision to actually treat him like a person, defend him and allow him to make his OWN decisions (something he never had with cazador). he appreciated it so much that he decided to come up to you in the middle of the night and thank you, and then he felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable and open up to you.

at the start of act 3, you already start to see how much he’s changed. if you give an orphan child some food, he approves. when you first met him, he wouldn’t have. he probably would’ve felt bitter; angry to see someone stop for someone else when no one ever did for him. but because you showed him basic respect and kindness, he started to realise that there is good in this world and people do care. it’s not just evil and coldness and cruelty. he only believed there was because of how long he suffered with cazador. there is literally a scene where he tells you that no one has ever cared about him or been kind to him and that no one else has a heart like you. he starts to find safety and comfort in you. this is why it’s so beautiful to see how much he grows and changes and it also shows that he genuinely loves and cares for you too because he’s trying. he’s really trying. you are able to convince him that he can be better than cazador and he believes you after everything you’ve done to help him. it’s going to take a very long time for him to heal after everything he’s suffered, but the fact he has already started to try and be a better person is such a massive thing. obviously it doesn’t erase what he’s done in the past and it doesn’t automatically “fix” him, but the fact that he’s trying and he wants to be better tells you more than enough about him. i am so proud of his character development and growth and i really hope people start to understand him and appreciate him more.

[theogonies]

poor, unfortunate soul: genshin characters as yandere

characters: diluc, yelan, xiao, sucrose, & childe

word count: 1.8k

content warnings: psychological manipulation, naive reader, implications of physical violence (diluc, xiao, childe), kidnapping/captivity (diluc, childe), stalking (sucrose, xiao), otherwise gn!reader is referred to as onee-chan once (sucrose), ANGST (childe </3), dark content, minors and ageless blogs do not interact

yeah i promised the next one would be fluff but i had to get this out of my system. barbatos forgive me.

DILUC: TREASURED POSSESSION.

If only you knew how much harder this is for him than it is for you. Diluc hates seeing you so angry and upset, as he'll tell you time and time again--preferably while he cradles you against his chest. And, well, if you must cry and fight him and curse his name, it's understandable, really. When he promised that he would remain by your side no matter what, he meant it. Even if that meant you learning to hate him.

He keeps telling himself that someday, you'll grow accustomed to never seeing beyond the walls of Dawn Winery. He's done everything within his power to make your cage a comfortable one: lavish bedding and furniture imported from the world's finest craftsmen, private libraries and supplies to furnish any hobby imaginable, even a sunlit atrium for you to enjoy the splendor of the outside world in safety. He knows that it's hard for you. Any change will inevitably require an adjustment period, but at least you have him standing at your side, loyal as ever, to get you through.

And what else was he supposed to do? No matter how many times he warned you of the dangers that lie outside Mondstadt's walls, you refused to listen, just kept gallivanting about on your adventures as if your life didn't matter to anyone but yourself.

Diluc knows the truth of how frail humans can be, though; so if you're going to keep behaving so stupidly with the precious thing that is your life, it doesn't leave him any other options than to store you away somewhere safe from harm. He knows that it's objectifying to treat you like a painting too valuable to be displayed to public eyes. But what other choice does he have?

He feels guilty for treating you so cruelly, he truly does. But he's also clever. When your stubbornness refuses to fade, when you keep fighting him and struggling to escape, you find that the servants start to disappear, one by one. And that's when you realize that he's using your own loneliness as a cudgel against you, so that when he returns to you in the early hours of morning with blood on his shirt collar and a haunted look in his eyes, when he needs your comfort most of all, you don't have any choice but to give it to him.

In Diluc's eyes, this is just what love is: a union of mutual obligation. And, to his credit, in time you both find this to be true. Because no matter where the walls stand, a home is only safe when you're both in it.

YELAN: DOUBLE AGENT.

If she weren't so perceptive, you may never have found yourself in this mess in the first place. But unlucky for you, Yelan recognized the puppy love crush you'd developed on her for what it was sooner than you did--and, with the sharp instincts of a gambler and the pragmatism of a spy, she took full advantage of the situation.

After all, there isn't much point in mastering the art of manipulation if you don't get to take something for yourself now and then. Yelan plays you like a fiddle, teasing you with little touches and praise only to rebuff your advances the moment you work up the courage to make them. It doesn't take long for you to become her favorite toy: so sweet, so patient, so deliciously naive.

It's not that she's completely cold to your affection; really, she would feel worse about her on-and-off affections, but it's not like you're not also getting something out of the situation. In exchange for your loyalty, Yelan allows you a precious glimpse into the powerful, resilient woman that lies beneath her assuaging public persona. Not many are allowed to be so close to her; fewer still are such consistent targets of her attention, hot and cold as it may be.

In time, you're even able to reveal an entirely new facet of Yelan's personality: her deep, all-abiding sense of jealousy. Never one to go into fits of rage, she still finds herself simmering with resentment every time her toy's interest is caught, however shallowly and briefly, by someone else.

More and more, she finds herself using the same tools that snared your affection in the first place to ensure that it belongs to her and only her; after all, the world is a cold and unforgiving place, isn't it? People can be so dishonest in their intentions, but to you, Yelan will always remain true. You've seen beneath the mask, and isn't it better to be a treasured plaything than that poor, lost puppy she first met?

XIAO: SCARY DOG PRIVILEGES.

There's something almost endearing about Xiao's clumsy affection for you. Such a fearsome man, and yet he can hardly speak to you without a flush in his cheeks. He fetches you crystalflies and glaze lilies to adorn your hair, shows you hot springs tucked between the mountains and stands guard while you bathe, even does your household chores as you sleep. Liyue's Guardian Yaksha lives at your beck and call.

He chases you so innocently that it's easy to forget he's not just the Guardian Yaksha, but the fearsome Dream Eater--and his adoration of you is no less relentless than his pursuit of the demons that haunt the land. And what cause could you ever have to suspect him of foul play? If he vanishes for a suspiciously long period of time, if the next time you see him he's marked with bruises and bloodstains--well, he has his own duties. Patching each others' wounds has been part of your routines for as long as you've known each other.

Come to think of it, it is strange that you've suddenly found yourself able to wander the streets alone late at night without issue; that even in the seediest of taverns, no one seems inclined to bother you. Stranger still is that whenever you think you've made a new friend they seem to ghost you, but then, some people are just unlucky, aren't they?

Besides, you can't complain; not with such a loyal Yaksha at your side, always ready to kiss away your tears with a kind of reverence that would make even gods tremble.

SUCROSE: STALKER CRUSH.

She's had her eyes on you for some time now. Not that you would be able to tell--she's made sure of that. To you, Sucrose is just another one of Mondstadt's townsfolk. Sure, her eyes seem to light up whenever she looks at you, but that's nothing to be concerned about. She's so painfully shy that even if she did have a crush, she would never do anything about it, right?

Unlike the others, Sucrose moves slowly and methodically in her machinations. She watches patiently, following you from the shadows, approaching the people you're close to to ask questions about you. Before long, she knows all your preferences: your dating history, the friends you keep, even your turn ons and turn offs. And once she's collected all the information she could possibly need (and then some), that's when she strikes.

She starts simply: an offer to help develop some new tools for your adventures in exchange for reagents that only a traveler like you would have access to. And, lo and behold, you have far more in common with this shy little alchemist than you ever would've expected. It's like she's always ready to finish your sentences for you, and such a reliable, sensitive friend, too. Despite her busy work life, she's always ready to lend a listening ear to your troubles, often with your favorite flavor of ice cream and one of her snuggly plushies in hand, fully prepared to comfort you.

Little do you know all the work she's done to reach this level of trust with you: the months of preparation just to speak to you for the first time, the long nights spent reading all your favorite books, the pictures of you she keeps pinned to her walls. Little do you know that you're not the reason why all your romantic endeavors seem to keep failing.

It's just that, when Sucrose looks up at you with those big, glassy eyes and calls you her onee-chan, it's so easy to forget that you hardly know a single thing about her.

CHILDE: CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART.

You lost your love a long time ago. Intellectually, you've known that to be true since you were fourteen and found your first heartbreak. But it's still so easy to look in Ajax's eyes and pretend you see the same light in them that you saw before.

It was better when he first came home. At least then, he was content to leave you as you'd always been: just another of Morepesok's villagers, the one person he could trust to keep an eye on his family in his absence. You cared for his siblings, and you wrote him letters, and sometimes, he would come home just long enough for you to pretend that everything was as it always had been.

Sometimes you still wonder what happened: whether something snapped when the boy you loved became a Harbinger, or whether you were just too stupid to see how deeply the Abyss changed him. It's a useless thought exercise, but at least it's something to keep you busy as you wander the halls of Tartaglia's wing in the Fatui headquarters, waiting for his return.

It was easier at first, when he kept you shut away in your bedroom, playacting your doting husband even as you spat on him and cursed his name. He would cajole you with lies and empty promises, that he was the same man he'd always been, that he was forced to kidnap you like this in order to protect you from his enemies. But his taste for spitfires had finally backfired on him, because even as the months passed, you refused to give in, blanketing your fear in hatred.

But Childe is tricky; and while he may have changed, you haven't. He knows exactly what makes you tick, which buttons to press to gain your trust. All it takes is a door left unlocked, your desperation too feverish to question why, and you'll quickly discover that his fellow Harbingers harbor a thousand horrors for every nightmare you've dreamed of the Abyss and every glimpse you've caught of the ruthless killer that lies beneath your lover's pleasant facade. And when those monsters are the only alternatives, at least you still have familiar arms to fall back into.

So you acquiesce, trading your spirit for a semblance of freedom. And in time, you'll learn to believe that even if the Tsaritsa's Childe will never be your Ajax, you can learn to love him just the same.

[divorcemotif]

this is going to be kind of all over the place but I wanna look at how martin conceptualizes his loyalty to jon specifically in like, the changing contexts of the later seasons, ig. of all the fucked up martin thesis statement moments in mag 170, "always following, never leading" and how it's placed as a foundational part of his self-conception—within the structure of the episode & dream logic of the house—is the one that’s haunted me the most I think. this episode is in the context of his whole willful ignorance & rejection of choice thing going at this part of the show; he refuses to listen to the statements, or hear about his domain, or make the decision about going into jude’s domain when jon offers it to him directly. and his avoidant tendencies are central to the logic of this episode; the slipping away is enabled by his not wanting to examine things—about himself, about the world—because it’s easier.. “maybe the fog’s here because I want it here”; running away from another person in the house when trying to connect gets too difficult & overwhelming. and then his mantra at the climax of this episode sees him assuring himself that jon will find him, not that he will find jon; although getting out of the fog in this episode ends up being pretty textually thanks to his own willpower rather than jon’s abilities, framing jon as the active agent is what he always does.

it’s this interesting dynamic where “never leading” as an identity maybe isn’t something he likes about himself, but it’s something he’s resigned to, which he frames as intrinsic, and which he’s continually choosing in a lot of subtle ways. if he’s always fundamentally secondary and unimportant—to jon, relatively, to the universe—then there’s no responsibility for him to carry; he doesn't need to dwell on things that are uncomfortable. from a detached bystander's position he can freely make suggestions and criticize jon’s decisions, while evading responsibility for anything that actually happens. but of course, jon being the only vessel through which he has any power to interact with the world or gain information leaves him no influence further than what jon is willing to humour him—and jon is certainly ready to do things martin does not want him to do (or not do things which martin does want him to do) where their convictions diverge. for his own reasons, he can be as selective about what he tells martin as martin is evasive in what he asks.

there’s a pivotal emotional shift in the transition from s4 to s5 and the catharsis at the end of 159, where in a sense martin goes from one extreme to another—from isolating himself and cutting jon out to accepting dependence on jon pretty absolutely, in ways that are exacerbated by the context of the fear apocalypse. but ofc in another sense it’s consistent; even if his decisions in season 4 were made in isolation and jon wasn't involved—or was even actively opposed to them—everything martin did was still about jon somehow, ideologically, which is what doesn’t change going into season 5. the idea he expresses multiple times, in 170 and in season 4, that he’s been alone on a fundamental level his whole life (the line “it’s just me. always has been” in 158 actually connecting his loneliness to the independence of his motivations, wrt his betrayal of peter lukas) is not a contradiction with the idea that he’s always been “following”; the incredibly isolating experience of being his abusive mum's carer having made caring for others—commitment, loyalty—something he’s practiced at doing from an emotional distance, and he’s not used to navigating a reciprocal relationship at all (when they're together martin's selective about sharing his insecurities with jon while expecting jon to make a constant effort to be more vulnerable with him, and doesn’t seem to register this hypocrisy).

and like, from the early seasons most of the major things he does for jon—running into the tunnels in 79; staying with him in the storage closet in 39; returning to carlos vittery's basement in 22, if that counts; generally bringing him tea and pestering him to eat—were always based more in his own ideas of what jon needed/would respond to, than anything jon was or was not asking of him (jon was not singling him out in this regard). so season 4 was not out of line in that respect. and in the final conflict at the end of season 5 he's still making his position about jon, about what's best for him, even though what he and jon want has diverged.

it's in some ways an evasive thing, focusing on jon—whether trying to influence jon’s actions or centring jon in his own—but you also get this kind of muddying of cause and justification. being unable on a fundamental level to conceive of himself as an active player in his own right—wanting things but not knowing how to approach the responsibility that would be implicitly accepted in pursuing them, either by himself or for himself; I think it's a big part of his “it’s not a betrayal if you’re doing it to help” philosophy, where ultimately his loyalty to jon as he conceives it can manifest in going actively against jon’s wishes

[pabsgavi]

﹗ ˖ ་ 🪩question : pablo gavi

Pablo Gavi x fem Reader ! ♡

❝ Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room? ❞

the gif is not mine!! credits to his owner

warning: english is not my language so sorry for the grammatical errors &lt;3

the gif is not mine!! credits to his owner

"How was school?" Isa turned around, looking at her mother, who was finishing preparing the meal.

"Well, I have a lot of homework for the weekend, but… I passed history!" he said excitedly, walking towards her to show her the photo he had taken of the exam that his teacher showed him hours before.

"Congratulations, darling!" He gave her two kisses, one on each cheek, with emotion and a small hug. "I'll take out the cake I bought the other day at the supermarket to celebrate, go up to wash your hands and call your father and your brothers."

"Okay, I'll be right back to help you with the table."

After going and showing his exam to his father, Isa washed his hands and went to his younger brothers' room, Leo, he was twelve, while Javi was eight, both were unruly, but Isa loved them very much.

"Dwarves, let's eat," he said, entering the room that the children shared. They were both playing play, they turned around, looked at her, and returned their gaze to the television, ignoring it greatly.

"Look at you, how cute." She walked to where the TV remote was located and turned it off.

"isa!" They both yelled, getting up from their place at the same time, she began to laugh as she ran down the stairs.

When she was about to get to the kitchen, Javi threw himself on her back and ended up knocking her to the ground, Leo didn't take long to arrive and between the two of them they began to tickle his sister. who just laughed and rolled around on the floor, trying to tickle them both too.

"Okay, children, I think Isa has already been punished, now help me with the table," said their mother, passing in front of them with the food.

And as two soldiers both got up and went to do what she asked, Isa got up from the ground with her hair in a mess and looked at them surprised with her arms crossed, her parents just laughed.

"I miss the time when they did everything I asked of them," he said, putting the glasses on the table.

"To think that you will be the one who has to take them and look for them at parties."

"But she never goes to a party," Leo said, his parents couldn't contain their laughter, the oldest opened her mouth offended, and then gave her brother a spanking.

🕸️☄️♡🪐

"well, isa, honey, how was school? some boy?"

"Oh yes, honey, tell us, do you already have a boyfriend? It's just that your boring mother doesn't tell us anything."

The girl looked at her aunts smiling awkwardly.

Why did family reunions always end like this?

"It's better not," said his uncle Javier this time.

being the first and only girl in the family had started to stop being fun as soon as she turned sixteen, with her aunts seeming desperate for even the slightest bit of information about her love life, her uncles and older cousins ​​opposed to any amorous interaction. Well, they claimed that "at seventeen you're still too young to live those experiences" and Leo kept reminding her that she was lonelier than one, she didn't know if she wanted to get a boyfriend or not.

"Things are still the same as last week, and the week before, and the week before that." Isa joked, making some laugh.

"I think you should go out more," said one of her aunts.

"My friend Ramona has a son your age, he's lovely, Isa," said another, and they all nodded.

"Leave my little girl alone." Her grandmother left the kitchen and made her way to where Isa was, she kissed her head and took her hand. "Isa is a good girl, I'm sure it's hard to get to some guy worthy of her, but she will, and when she does, it will be her decision to share it with us… or not." She said this last thing looking at her daughters, they pretended to look elsewhere, which made Isa laughed.

"Thank you," she whispered to her grandmother, taking her hand.

"your welcome gorgeous."

The days passed, Isa hadn't left home because she was studying for her final exams, her friends wrote to her every weekend complaining about her absence when they went out to parties, but Isa promised to make it up to them as soon as the exams were over. they would go anywhere they wanted, and she couldn't complain or refuse under any circumstances.

"I think I'm beginning to regret this," she said, looking at the shirts her friends left on her bed.

Barcelona was a big city, there was no doubt about that, and that was why Isa wondered why of all the places they had to go (bars, museums, she was even willing to go to discos), her friends chose to go to the Camp Nou stadium.

she wasn't even a soccer fan.

"You'll see how much fun you're going to have, isa."

"Yes, girl, besides, the players are hot." She just rolled her eyes and laughed.

"what's my shirt?"

"We'll all wear the same one, it'll be better that way," said Aitana, one of her friends, smiling, as she put on hers.

"Who is Gavi?" Isa asked, looking at the name on the back of the shirt she would be wearing.

the five girls that were in the room turned to her.

"one of the players."

"Damn, Marta, girl, if you don't tell me I won't realize it." Isa said, making everyone laugh. "I mean, why are we all going to wear his shirt as if we were his proud aunts going to their first game?" .

"because we like it."

"Well, they'll meet him at home and at lunchtime, because it doesn't ring a bell to me," she said, making everyone laugh and start throwing pillows at her.

After finishing making up and dressing, they said goodbye to Isa's family, who couldn't help but laugh at the girl's face.

"Enjoy the game, darling," his father told him, mockingly.

Although he was somewhat surprised, being a great fan of Barcelona, ​​he had tried to take her to a game after she grew up, thousands of times, but each time she found some excuse and got away, so seeing her dressed in the team's shirt and with cheeks painted in the colors of the club, I catch him a little off guard.

they took a taxi to the venue, once they arrived, showed their tickets, walked to their spots and sat down, the warm up wouldn't start until a few minutes later. Isa turned her head several times in search of a nearby bathroom, it had been a bad decision to drink all that Coca-Cola at home.

"girls, I'll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom."

"We would accompany you, but the warm-ups are about to start and we don't miss that for nothing, but if you get lost call me and I'll run."

"Okay, okay, don't worry, I'll be right back." Isa took her bag and got out of there as fast as she could.

A few minutes later she was washing her hands, she looked at herself in the mirror and couldn't help but laugh at herself, she did seem like an authentic and passionate fan, after fixing her hair she left the bathroom, she heard some screams for what she supposed was the game was about to start.

"shit."

Isa could already add going to the bathroom alone to the list of bad decisions of the day, she had a pretty good streak, but the day wasn't over yet. She knew she was only screwing up more when she went into a place that didn't sound familiar to her. It was at that moment that she decided to take her cell phone to call her friends.

"Okay, okay, I understand, don't worry, I love you."

She looked up from her phone to see a guy in front of her, wearing a white sweatshirt and a tracksuit with what looked like a Barcelona embroidery. That one must be a fan, he thought he could help her find the way out, bad decision.

As soon as he noticed her presence, he ran the back of his hand over his cheek, even so, Isa saw what seemed to be the trail of tears, the boy frowned and suddenly became serious.

"You shouldn't be here," he said, with a cold tone, looking her up and down.

"Are you okay?" Isa asked, completely forgetting what her real intention was when approaching the boy.

"I don't go around telling my life to the first fan that comes my way."

That answer took her by surprise, she couldn't help but giggle.

"Fan? Who the hell do you think you are, man? I was just trying to be nice, fuck you."

She turned and heard him laugh behind her, she turned angrily.

"what?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" when you want someone not to know that you are their fan, better not wear their jersey to their game. "

then everything connected in his brain.

she knew she shouldn't wear that shitty shirt, it had been a bad decision, just as it had been a bad decision not to ask her friends to show her at least one photo of this gavi, who really was an asshole.

"Oh, so you're the famous gavi. Damn, you have to see that my friends only look at jerks." She said, as soon as she realized her words she covered her mouth.

He crossed his arms and a hint of what could be a smile appeared on his face.

"I'm not usually such a jerk, sorry, I thought you were some crazy person who snuck in to get information for the press. Also, this game is very important, I'm too nervous, my sister and parents are supposed to come, but They just called to tell me that they won't be able to be there." He sat on one of the benches in the place and began to put on his shoes.

"For someone who thought I was a freak looking for information for the press, I think you just told me a lot, didn't you? That sounds like a good headline." Isa joked, making him laugh. "You're going to do great, you'll see, and your parents and your sister will be very happy."

"How are you so sure? Unless you're a fucking actress, it seemed to me that until a few minutes ago you had no fucking idea of ​​my existence."

"Because when I left the house with this shirt my father didn't say anything bad about you, so you must be good." She said, making him smile, while he put on his own shirt, Isa blushed, but since he didn't seem affected, She didn't want to be either. "If it makes you feel better, I can be your mother and scream until the whole stadium hears me." He denied smiling.

"I would like to see that. "

"No way, I was just saying that so you'd stop whining and go kick the other team's asses."

he laughed out loud.

"thanks for the honesty…"

"I'm Isabel, but better call me Isa."

"isa." he got up from his place and she smiled watching him fix his hair with his hand. "okay isa, I'll get you out of here before someone finds you and kicks you out of the stadium."

"That would be great, my friends probably think I went home."

They both walked to that exit that Isa remembered.

"Thank you very much for not being the jerk I thought."

"Thank you very much for not being the crazy information seeker I thought." They both smiled, he waved at her and went in the opposite direction.

"enjoy the match!"

"We'll see!" He smiled hearing her laugh.

As soon as she got to her place, she found her friends looking carefully towards the field, where most of the players were warming up, she couldn't help but laugh, they hadn't even realized how much time had passed.

"damn, isa, what a scare girl, we said that if you didn't arrive in ten minutes we would come for you"

"Ten minutes each?" she teased, making everyone laugh.

"Fuck! Shut up, here comes Gavi."

Isa directed her gaze to the field, where the boy was, he seemed lost, looking among the public, when he looked at the area where she was, the girl laughed, he smiled.

"Girls, girls, he's seen us."

"fuck, just see, he smiled at me."

"Does it look to me like someone smoked something before coming in."

they all started to fight, which only made isa laugh more, gavi seemed confused, she put her finger to her lip making a gesture of silence, which made him laugh, until his friends arrived and took him to where the the rest.

The rest of the first half was calm, sometimes Gavi and Isa exchanged quick sights, although she had been avoiding doing so, because of the feeling that appeared in her chest every time they did it, but when in the second half Gavi scored a goal, and her celebration was to make an I with her hand, Isa knew that she had screwed up.

"How was the game?" asked his father.

"Pretty good, they won three to zero." Isa said, sitting next to him on the sofa.

"I saw it, how weird is that new guy celebration? Gavi?"

"gavi?"

"daughter, you're wearing his shirt."

"Look, well, it doesn't sound like anything to me." I'm going to do homework, I love you." She kissed him on the cheek and went up to her room.

"A family dinner?" Gavi asked, laughing.

"Yes, annoying, my aunts insist on having dinners every two weeks to catch up on my sentimental situation and see how to make her happier." She said, putting on her earrings.

"I want to go with you."

Isa almost fell to the ground, she put the earring aside and looked at the screen of her phone where Gavi was smiling.

"Are you crazy? Why?" Isa asked, going back to what she was doing before.

After the match in which they met, Isa's father found a way to convince the whole family to go to Barcelona's next game, and as if fate was infatuated with Isa, she and Gavi met again, the The boy wasted no time, he asked her for her number, and since that day they had been meeting and talking all the time.

"If I heard correctly, you said that these are dinners to talk about your love situation, right?" She laughed and nodded. "Well, I'd like to go to get an idea of ​​who I have as rivals." She rolled her eyes.

"you are a fool."

"Are you going to give me the address or do I ask for the uber directly to your house?"

"gavi?"

"Yeah?"

"You're kidding, aren't you?"

"Honestly… not a bit, so… can I go?"

"Just because I know you're not going to drop the subject."

"Okay, see you in fifteen minutes, honey."

He finished the call and left her there smiling like a fool.

"You've never brought a boy home, have you?" "asked Gavi, Isa couldn't help but laugh, nodding her head." I think you should have mentioned it. "

"I wasn't the annoying one who wanted to come."

"I don't regret it, besides, I'm glad to be the first." the whisper near her lips.

"Fuck, Isa, you have to be kidding."

"I wish."

"Did he kiss you in front of your whole family?" Isa nodded, laughing and feeling the blush rise to her cheeks.

"The guy has balls, I'm not going to deny it."

They all started making fun of her, although just a few seconds later they were screaming and saying how much they wanted a boy like Gavi.

"Are you going to the game tomorrow?" Gavi asked looking at her.

"depends."

"about what?"

"Do you want me to go to the game tomorrow?"

"I'm dying for you to do it." Isa laughed and caressed his cheek, they were both lying on the carpet in their room.

"shit, it's midnight. today xavi kills you"

"It'll be worth it," he said, kissed her and went to the door. "See you tomorrow, sweetie."

[lilbirdblu]

obligatory disclaimer to all the "its just mc eggs its not that deep" people that this is about characters. we are allowed to post character analysis, even ones that arent positive, about fictional characters no matter what medium theyre from. this is 10000% about the characters, not the admins and there are moments i may not know about since i cant watch every pov but heres my thoughts on the sunny/leo "beef"

which it feels wrong, at this point, to even call it beef when its mostly one sided on leo's part and the adults are failing both sunny and leo

does leo have the right to be wary about the new eggs? 100%, absolutely

does that excuse her recent treatment of sunny? no

is leo to blame for her behavior? well, no, she's a child

do i think q!foolish and q!tubbo are good fathers? yes

did they both drop the ball in regards to this situation and should have handled it better? yes, but that doesnt mean its not too late now

again, i dont fault leo for being distrustful and cautious of the new eggs, its more than reasonable given what shes gone through. im glad she's warmed up to pepito and i think it's a good choice on foolish's part to not force her to interact with anyone she doesnt like while still encouraging her to try. that being said, i think he should say something to leo about how she has recently been treating sunny because it is quickly getting to the point where it is bullying, not "beef"

to be fair, maybe he hasnt seen [in character/roleplay] the extent to which she has treated sunny, and obviously none of the parents are aware of the baby fight club, but even then, someone should say something to leo if they see behavior similar to how leo treated sunny after the fight [although i believe foolish and roier are two of the only people she will actually listen to /neu] with that being said, i dont think foolish takes it very seriously and at the end day has a rather "well what can you do" type of mentality about it.

we know that leo is stubborn and can be a little hard headed, which is one of the reasons why i personally love her, but its been toeing the line in regards to sunny and i feel as though she crossed it during the baby fight club. sunny has been trying to take leo's feelings into consideration [among other eggs, such as tallulah, who excuse it as distrust of the new eggs despite being warm/neutral to both em and pepito while being harsher to sunny].

the fact that the fight ended and sunny was trying to leave when leo blocked the exit and continued to hit sunny shows that her feelings towards sunny are more than just apprehension. even ramon, leo's triplet, felt the need to step to in and separate them out of concern for sunny's well being.

i can also see the nuance of leo's behavior: its the first time where she has disliked someone and been forced to be in close vicinity/interact with them, and no one has taught her that this sort of behavior isnt ok so how is she supposed to know better?

its not an excuse by any means, but it doesnt make it any less bullying than it is. this is where the adults are failing not just sunny [by being bystanders] but theyre failing leo, too.

and sure, disagreements and fights between the eggs is interesting.. when it comes from both parties but when you have one egg--one child--who doesnt want to be around another egg child in consideration of their feelings while the other egg child vandalizes their things and hits them to the point of almost being downed--that's not a disagreement. thats bullying.

does leo have to like sunny? no

do i think that they have more in common and similar feelings of loneliness that they both dont realize, which could make way for a friendship? yes

would i mind if leo never warms up to sunny? no

its realistic. sometimes kids just.. dont get along and thats ok, its good to teach children that we arent going to get along with everyone or even like them [and not everyone is going to like us and we shouldnt try to force them to], but its also important to teach children that not liking somebody doesnt make it okay to treat them poorly or bully them.

in fact, this would be a really good situation in which both leo and sunny can learn the aforementioned, especially since their fathers are good friends that enjoy one another's company so i dont see them stopping hangouts anytime soon so leo and sunny will hopefully learn to, at the very least, be civil with one another. i hope this is the direction the story goes because a bully arc is one of the last things i personally want to watch

i understand its hard, especially when their first languages are not one that they share, but thats what the qsmp is all about, isnt it? coming together in spite of language barriers

im hoping the sunny/leo situation takes a turn for the better, even if it takes time to get to a point where they are mostly indifferent to one another w/o excessive antagonizing

with all that said, i will always have faith in the admins to give us their best, even if the outcome isnt what we wanted or expected

[bitterrobin]

Small tangent on Bette Kane and how people treat her

re-reading Beast Boy (2000) in order to really get a sense of where Bette was pre-Batwoman run (2014).

Does anyone else just feel sad whenever Bette brings up Titans West and everyone shoots her down? Objectively, I know that no one thinks Teen Titans West is a great team - especially when people like Hawk and Dove seem better off solo. But you do get a sense of loneliness whenever Bette is so excited at the prospect of getting the band back together.

Given that it's become sort of a running gag for Bette to suggest reforming Titans West, it is something that DC is aware of.

As the Beast Boy run continues, Gar gets himself into incriminating shapeshifter trouble and is put in a holding cell by the police. Bette goes to help him in her Flamebird costume (notably the one from the 80s).

After reading a lot of her earlier appearances in older Titans comics, this kind of exasperated annoyance when Bette makes an appearance is surprisingly frequent. She doesn't have a great reputation among the other Titans at least.

Later on in issue #2, Nightwing hears of Gar's predicament and goes to LA. In the next issue, he fights an enemy shapeshifter who was impersonating Gar. Bette shows up back in the police station to try and bail Gar out, but her check is invalid and the police officer from the prior issue rips it in half. Bette mentions, confused, that she's never tried to post bail before and that she even borrowed money from her Aunt Kathy. (Knowing that Catherine Hamilton wasn't created until the Batwoman series, I personally think this Kathy is supposed to be Kathy Kane.)

When the police learn that Nightwing is fighting "Beast Boy", the heroes learn that the murders of the previous issues were the cause of an impersonator trying to frame Gar. Bette leaves and goes to help Nightwing.

This is the first time I've seen Dick and Bette interacting outside of brief Titans crossovers. It's super obvious that he thinks she's annoying and that she's not skilled enough to be a vigilante. He cuts her off mid-speech and tries to sideline her when they fight the shapeshifter. When it inevitable gets away, he puts the blame on her involvement. Later on, he leaves her to deal with the police and the public on her own.

Putting all of these panels together, the writers are making Bette out as not a "real" hero, someone who clings to the past. In comics like this, Bette is always treated like that annoying little girl who doesn't know when to give up. Especially because Bette has never had her own solo comic, all of her characterization comes with the perspective of whoever's run she's cameoing in.

I am willing to concede that Beast Boy is a very early 2000s comic but since Bette is the only other female character in it besides two villains - it doesn't look good overall. Not to mention, this comic still sticks with the continuity of "Bette has a crush on/is obsessed with Nightwing." ANYWAY this leads to some panels that I actually like, even if it comes off rude and a little misogynstic with Dick telling Bette what to do.

It's that last little declaration of defiance that really solidifies to her character to me. Bette Kane has never needed permission to do anything, especially not being a hero. Also, this kinda puts back into canon that Dick was the inspiration for Bette becoming Flamebird.

When it comes to her characterization, I can't help but feel like she should be (rightly) a little bitter about this convo. When we get her back in Batwoman, Kate doesn't treat her as an equal either and also tries to get her to quit. Bette is a bit younger in the Batwoman run since I think it's post-one of many reboots, but it just adds onto the lack of trust anyone has in her.

Despite being Bruce's cousin, she's a blip in the wider Batman comic-verse. I'm pretty sure Bette hasn't directly interacted with Bruce in a comic, much less anyone other than Dick, Kate, or Cass (once).

All of this goes to say that I'm definitely addressing all of that and making it a main point in my fics. My Flamebird-in-Gotham au came about specifically because I want to reconcile the Bette Kane I like with the way others in-universe treat her. Bette deserves to be treated with respect. Trust me, there will be words had in fanfic form.

(Also bc I just think Bette and Damian interacting would be both interesting and funny).

[orionsangel86]

Do you think Morpheus is a type of character who could be/learn to be content to be single? Or would he always seek out a relationship (if he had to endure eternity and dying wasn't an option)?

The problem with Morpheus is that for him to learn anything he has to actively want to learn it, which he rarely does (cue eyebrows raising all over when Netflix!Morpheus told Lucienne he was learning "or at least trying to"). His not so secret desire for a relationship is basically a primary character trait in the comics. But like with all things in Sandman, its a bit more complicated than it would appear at first glance.

One of the things that is constantly pointed out in the comics regarding Morpheus is that he is lonely. He never actually states this himself, but its been mentioned enough times. The entire point of the Men of Good Fortune story on Morpheus's side is that he needs a friend. Hob points this out directly and Morpheus's reaction to that is heavily tied into his pride and his inability to accept that he is lonely, when loneliness is such a huge part of his story arc. That he comes around and accepts Hob's friendship is a massive step forward and signifier of his change.

His loneliness and need for companionship was even pointed out all the way back during the time of Endless Nights before humans even existed. Desire states it plainly:

and it was clearly a topic of concern for the family since Destruction also states how much they all hoped he would find someone:

which considering we don't see any of the other Endless ever take lovers (other than Destruction once) its clearly a big deal. Even his siblings think he needs a companion, and already thought this about him millions of years ago!

So loneliness is something Dream struggles with, whether he denies it or not. But notice how of all the Endless, he is the only one of them who regularly surrounds himself with other beings? Think about the realms of the other Endless. Destiny has his gardens, and there are his strange ghostly servants who don't appear to be the chatty type. Desire remains alone in the Threshold, Despair has her rats - which aren't likely to be great conversationalists, and Deliriums realm is chaos incarnate. We don't ever see the realms of Death or Destruction but neither of them seem to spend any time there anyway.

So Dream is different here because his realm is a thriving kingdom like something out of a fairytale. He has servants of all kinds, people he can interact with and talk to, who respect him and consider him their Lord. In the comics none of them would probably consider him their "friend" but in the netflix show we can certainly argue that Lucienne is the closest thing he has to a full time companion (which is in itself is a change to the comics to make Lucienne closer to him than Lucien in the comics ever is). He also has his ravens, who were all once mortals who died in their sleep. His ravens can also talk and are close to him. Matthew becomes so close to him that by the time we get to TKO Matthews loyalty to him, refusal to leave his side, and then eventual hurt and anger and grief at his death has me in floods of tears everytime I think about it.

But the point here is that even with all of that, which is far more companionship than any of his siblings seem to have, he is STILL lonely and longs for a lover.

I think one of the reasons he butts heads with Desire so much is because he desires so much and tries so hard to resist those desires (which Desire then takes as a personal insult). The companionship of Lucienne and Matthew, the friendship of Hob Gadling, none of it is enough. He still wants more, hence the lovers. Hence how it is hinted at throughout the comic that Dream takes lovers fairly regularly. How Neil Gaiman has previously said that the former lovers we know about from the comics only scratch the surface. Morpheus is affectionately, a bit of a manwhore. A Casanova if you will, only his weakness is love rather than sex.

So my honest answer to the question of whether he will ever be content to be single is a resounding no.

It's far too ingrained in him throughout the comics and at the end of the day, what is he if not a Dream? He is nothing but romantic notions and idle fantasies and love has such a huge place in such things, even if the comics make clear that love is actually the domain of Desire - and Desire is always cruel.

Hence Dream's many many problems stem from it.

[alevolpe]

So I just read your HCs, and I love how you characterized Ami as having autism. She was always my favorite character-- we even share a birthday-- and I'm glad that I'm not the only one who sees her as being on the autism spectrum.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I teared up a little reading what happened to Luna. I love the relationship Ami and Luna have, both in the actual show and in your headcanon.

Thank you so much!!

I love that more people are open to the autistic Ami hc now. It was always a bit of a no brainer to me, but I understand why some people pushed the idea away.

That said I love her. I've mentioned before that even back a year ago Ami was prob my 4th or 5th fav, but getting to draw her and write her more and more (and a bit of Makoami magic lol) she has srly grown on me. She's still not my fav, Mako my beloved, but she has a serious soft spot in my heart, I go back to her a lot for comfort.

So I'm always so super happy when people tell me they like my characterization of Ami.💙

Her and Luna's relationship is something I srly wanna explore more.

I see Ami as an outcast, but not really cause her peers actively dislike her, but cause Ami has chosen to distance herself from them, deciding to focus on her studies and academics instead.

This lack of interaction with people her own age has made it difficult for her to relate with them, being actually much easier to interact with people older than her (since that level of informality is never broken and that's where Ami is at her most comfortable).

I see Luna as a middle-aged woman at least and for her, connecting with Ami was easy since the beginning, even if it took her a bit for Ami to warm up to the idea of this 'new reality'. Ami does not want to do this. She said it to Luna since the beginning, initially refusing to aid her and turning her back on Luna's offer to become a senshi.

Though Luna stuck around, not only cause this is her mission, but also because she saw a loneliness within Ami (despite Luna's mission being JUST to reawaken the senshi, she couldn't overcome her maternal instincts). Ami is initially perplexed by this, but slowly starts to warm up to Luna, enjoying her company, her talks, her advice, her compliments, affirmations..

I can see a conflict within Luna at this point, coming to care about this girl, but feeling extremely guilty about her behavior, being very easy to be read as, well, grooming, for a lack of a better term. Tho Luna genuinely cares.

I think multiple factors influenced Ami to finally try being a senshi a go. Seeing someone being attacked by monster (which had Ami initially just simply ran away from it, Ami's but a simple human, powers or not, she's scared), an odd sense of responsibility put on her (Ami being an extreme people pleaser, if an authority entaskes her with something, she feels a sense of duty and drive to make the person proud), but ultimately I think the major factor was Luna.

Luna is the primary reason Ami became a senshi (refresher to the join order of the girls in my AU: Ami awakens first with Luna, then Rei joins, then Usagi). It's not easy, in fact it puts a severe strain on her, both physically and mentally, but Ami pushes through, for Luna. Eventually made easier (and harder in some ways) by the avdent of Rei joining the team.

Loosing Luna is something that will keep resonating withAmi throughout the series. It's like loosing a second mother, especially since Saeko has been fairly absent through her life (though Saeko will be more present, suspecting something is up with her daughter and she will genuinely try to "mother", Saeko is a disaster, in many ways more than Ami herself).

She will start asking herself why she is even doing this anymore, since Luna's not here, who is she even fighting for anymore? It's a very selfish question, she's aware, but I think it's a form of coping from her part.

Despite asking such a question constantly, she never makes to leave, she would never, she knows she can't, cause she cares too much about her friends. She knows she's now fighting for them too, but this would be the first time such thought would be a conscious reflection in her mind, having had Luna be such a central staple on her mind for so long.

Unknowingly, Luna had eased her among loving peers. It was never all easy, they had fights and they will have more, but Ami finally belongs. It's a bitter sweet feeling for her.

Ami loves her team.

At this point, she cares so much about Usagi, being the first to show her how to "friend". Starting as just an odd aloof girl that joined her team, to seeing her as a girl who always strives to make others happy. Bringing cheerfulness into team since the very first day, something that Ami became so accustomed to, she would never realize how much she would miss it til having to go back to an empty apartment, color seeming to drain along the walls in the lack of her presence. A simple genuine smile, something that seems so simple, yet so rare, Ami cherishes it so dearly.

And Rei.. Rei's complicated, she likes to make herself as such. Ever since the beginning, Rei seemed cold, refusing Luna's offer like Ami had done prior. Though this time, Luna just seemed to run in a wall every time she went to the temple. Talks, explanations, pleads, bargains, nothing seemed to work.

"I can talk to her if you'd like"

She really didn't want to, but for Luna, she will. The talk went as well as you expected it, an incredibly frustrated Rei trying to deal with recent accusations of her temple attracting mysterious attacks on students. Despite that, Rei didn't try to physically ward off Ami like she did with Luna many times (Luna is still pretty scared of that broom).

"Did that dumb cat send you? Listen, I have a job to do here, so you either get to the point or you get out of my way."

...

"So?"

"My name is Ami, Ami Mizuno" offering her hand to Rei to shake.

...

*Sigh*, Rei unashamedly pinching her nose in frustration. "If I shake your hand will you tell that dumb cat to-"

"Luna"

"What?"

"Her name is Luna"

"Yes! I know her name! She's been harrassing me in my own house for the last 2 weeks! Alright, listen. I don't know what kind of program you guys are a part of and I have no interest to know, but let me put this into clear terms so that maybe an actual 'person' might understand this better than a stupid cat. NO! Now scram, I'm busy!"

.. "..." "ok" bowing and turning to leave.

That night, something akin to guilt seemed to boil within a restless Rei Hino. She knew it wasn't due to how she confronted the girl, she had all rights to be angry! Tho a seemingly related vision of the girl with blue hair, lying perfectly still in a pool of what seemed to be her own blood stuck with her.

Rei will tell herself that she joined the team to get Luna to stop harrassing her and that the team NEEDS her. Like, come on, how is such a team meant to go on without the grandiose Rei Hino leading them to victory?! Earth would have no shot. HA!

Rei would never admit part of the reason she did join, was Ami, seeing the girl get hurt, or possibly killed, haunted her. She blamed Luna for this. Ami should've never been a part of this. Ami's weaker, almost fragile combat figure seemed like a cruel joke to Rei. Seeing the girl even shivering from her powers (Ami's not immune to her own powers), the small girl curled up into a ball in a desperate attempt to keep herself warm in a relatively cool night. With a loud sigh and exaggerated movements, Mars made to cup Mercury's hands.

Ami, being obviously perplexed and put off by this, but almost too weak to pull back, finding comfort in her companion's warmth after having to endure numerous and stressful post-fight recory sessions with nothing but the comfort of helpless Luna offering her kind words of encouragement.

It would take a while for both Ami and Rei to fully come to terms to the idea that they were 'friends'. When the newly recruited Usagi asked, Ami had no answer ready, which is extremely unusual of her. 'Friends? Are me and Rei friends? We're companions, teammates, we never really hang out outside of missions or just studying silently at the temple', though Ami enjoyed her presence. Except when Rei was needlessly rude to Luna, Ami enjoyed being around her. It didn't feel quite as lonely, even if they never openly spoke about their lives, hobbies, families... 'I guess we're not friends'.

Ami hated being so logical at times, but she couldn't help it.

Throughout the season and into season 2, this relationship between the two grew stronger, especially due to the 'Usagi' phenomenon LOL. Making it so effortless to bridge the two into more intimate moments outside of uniform. A mission to check on an amusement park became a fond memory for Ami. A picture taken of the 3, looking so much like the pictures she'd see of her school piers sharing among each other of their 'hangouts'. Funny how that worked.

Rei and Ami's friendship would def have its highs and lows, mostly stemming from Luna and how differently each girl would see her. Ami being very capable of holding a grudge toward Rei's treatment of her. All of it reaching a terrible boiling point at the moment of Luna's death and discovering about Rei vision. Again, Ami was absolutely blinded by rage and grief. She loved Rei. Rei's no murderer, but she let her primal emotions take over and with the events of season 2 after that, the two never got a moment to grief or a moment to reconcile. Rei still holding a massive grudge toward Ami, refusing to even speak to her outside of sailor business, while Ami is eaten by grief and guilt.

Mako being her main source of comfort at this point (Usagi tries, but she also has her own demons to fight still). The previously mostly unknown, if nice, tall girl that joined her team late, seeming to take steps to take care of a broken Ami, offering support, food, and and a shoulder to cry on.

Luna's influence will be felt by the team and not forgotten. Ami especially will carry her momery forever.

Idek why I wrote ell this LOL. I feel inspired at times , srry 😅.

Thank you for the ask <3.

[jams-sims]

I'mma say it, it does feel like Mariana and John will be a thing or that it feels as though John may be devloping a crush/already has one on Mariana. I'm not to fussed about it, I think Sherlock and Co could pull it off. (It would be complicated, because John not just one dimensional and seemingly prefect, he activity has character flaws that make it a turn off to date, also shes his coworker.)

Most of the fear I see about John and his romance life comes from the lingering ptsd of BBC. An let me explain why, BBC Sherlock does not equal the same out come when in comparison to Sherlock and Co. When it comes to relationships between characters or even romantic Interpretation of relationships in Sherlock and Co.

BBC Sherlock and John relationship was toxic and none of us could see that because we were all pre teens/teens/late teens.

A normal interaction between John and Sherlock in the BBC goes as the followong.

John: Sherlock im off to do a thing-

Sherlock: Let me come with you to do the thing OR No I have something that more important drop your thing

John: No, its important.

Sherlock sabotages Johns thing: Now you have to go along with me

John is actually upset about said thing/emotionally maniuplated into not caring at the end: Fine. Lets do your thing.

Sherlock vaguely cares about John being upset but only because John is upset with him. But will not actually say sorry and be happy he got his way in the end.

In Sherlock and Co its different, Sherlock is his own person and does not inherently rely on John full attention. Sherlock is content with being alone, see the christmas ep. He said he was fine with spending it by himself even though John felt guilty/sad about almost leaving him along. John wants Sherlock company in Sherlock and Co, BBC Sherlocks John did not.

Johns and Sherlock relationship is inherently healther in Sherlock and Co. I feel like eposide 14 was a implication of romantic interest/just interest at all. Between the idea of Sherlock and John sharing a relationship. "We have some form of a rapport between us-" Rapport being the key word.

But the key here is that John initiate it first. (The wanting*) Not the Rapport part, thats Sherlock. But he does not shy away from it.

Mariana is the one to bring up the fact Sherlock and John have a sort of rapport. She plays an important part and her opinons matter. Its what sent Sherlock into this spiral in the first place.

It is also interesting that with her, Sherlocks says "Our Watson." Mutual ownership of Johns attention etc.

Sherlock takes that and sets his attention on John to confrim it. He tells John his finding and sherlock agrees with marianna, him and john do have a "rapport" between them. (Double meaning could be consider as then having a relationship romantic or otherwise.)

John agrees, they do have a sort of "rapport" between them. They cover up the double meaning by bring up the fact John wants to go on vacation, but he feels guilty. Sherlock pointing out John is a workholic. But im getting ahead of myself because the workaholic comment doesnt come in until the very tail end of their conversation.

Sherlock goes into detail about how he was able to follow John line of thinking throughout the day. (It sounds as if he is running through a simulation of what it would be like to date John but in the end saying nah it would never work.) In Sherlock explanation he points out; John was seek out a reason for the nighrmare. Sherlock points out that John has connected his nightmare to loneliness.

Fastward a bit, as they are opening the box. John albit a little hestantly says. "So you wouldn't consider going on a Country retreat anytime soon?" (You wouldn't consider dating me anytime soon-)

Sherlock doesn't reply with a flat out no he says, John knows he like to stay where there is lot of people etc etc. (You could consider this to mean Maybe.)

So why did I bring all that up, and what does it have to do with John and his romantic out comes and why its not as bad as BBC sherlock.

BBC sherlock would never have a whole ass conversation like Sherlock and Co just did in ep 14. John (in sherlock and co) wants to be around Sherlock and enjoys Sherlocks company. Sherlock enjoys John company but is not possive of Johns time. They stand on equal footing, its a indication that if John were in a relationship with anyone. John would be the one dropping things to go be with Sherlock because they are so interwined. Which means John would have to date someone that understood, John unhinged interwinment with Sherlock without it being seen as weird. I.e Marianna.

But Sherlock is just as unhinged and would co-opt a situation where its more like a polyam relationship. Which no one has put on the table as a possibility.

This could never work in BBC sherlock and should not be compared. Because BBC Sherlock demands John attention whole heartedly, without the result being a relationship and out right baiting. Its unhealthy at what lengths Sherlock goes to to get his way in BBC. Especially when John enters a relationship with women. Sherlock holds all the power, John does not.

Sherlock and Co, they share that power and Sherlock seems uninterested in John mundane affairs, but is quick to include himself without being overbearing. "Our Watson".

[the-raging-tempest]

@amatres I have quite a few thoughts. And I guess a lot of them hinge on what the context of it is! Also for the sake of it, I’ll be calling them cursed and if they aren’t I will leave it be. Sorry if that’s confusing because og Zrise is cursed but LMAO. (A follow up to Ama’s first question at got my brain turning)

So! I’ll go in order of your inquiry heheheh

Cursed Zrise and Cursed Lariel interacting would be … interesting. As @cassynite guessed in her reblog cursed Zrise would HATE to know his sister even handles her curse better, she’s more successful, more powerful, more detached and intellectual. Reinforcing that self hate. I think he’d be so resentful but on some level he’s also hate to see it happen to her. On some level he’d feel it’s better that he’s the one who suffers. Kind of a hatred for fate that him being cursed is better for others. Feeling as ineffectual as he does relieved. To see his sweet kind sister with such a capacity for evil… would be jarring. He’d hate it but believe ‘it’s better that I’m the one fucked over…’

Cursed Lariel would be detachedly amused at fate and slightly sad. She’d think how pathetic and sad her brother is. The brother she knows and does still love is nothing like this man. The curse did not empower him like it did her (in her mind). Mostly in her heart she would wonder if she should put him out of his misery. She’s not as miserable as him. The curse seems to really make him suffer.

I think both uncursed Lariel and Zrise would be so emotional over seeing the other. The version of the other that they always wanted to see again and yet… isn’t who they remember. A bitter sweet feeling… How they want to love and support their cursed deeply broken mirror. It would almost feel a betrayal to love this version. There is a grief there. This is who they could have been but aren’t.

On a lighter note. Outside of that strangeness they’d both be conscious of. Lariel would just sob and hug this version of her brother. To see him so happy and comfortable and not hating himself. She’d be moved to tears. Which would make him cry. To see her so open and vulnerable! That she does love him!

I think they’d want to spend time together (unlike their cursed counterparts) Zrise who would immediately get Lariel out of her shell. I can see all the mischief they’d get up to! Zrise who would want to show her the world and the places he wants to go. He’d be a little sad to know she’s still an atheist but not too sad. Lariel would think it’s charming he worships the Goddess of love. She’d he so happy about that actually. These two chaotic good goofballs would actually do such good in the world and I’m getting weepy thinking about it. They’d be very “it’s us against the world!” But with Lariel’s sweet and selfless kindness and Zrise’s active presence and determination to make places better… IM CRYING 💕💕😭💕💕

Lariel and Cursed Lariel… WOOF I think both of them would actually be in deep denial of the other. Not cursed Lariel would find it so hard to believe that she could be so cruel and indifferent of a world that she loves so…. I think it would reinforce her belief that she must not let what hurts her destroy her. That her loneliness must never take hold and twist her into something so cold. That she must reach out to others.

Cursed Lariel would resent and find her mirror pathetic. So desperate to not feel alone. Her need for someone else to tell her what to do and to feel whole. Is a weakness. Cursed Lariel needs no one. She believes she is stronger for it. It reinforces her belief that she is better off alone.

Zrise and Cursed Zrise… uncursed Zrise would be deeply disturbed by who he could become. But I think it would reinforce his feelings of how much he accepts where his weaknesses lie. His cursed version showing him what it’s like when those weakness are something he holds and uses against himself and the world. He’d be relieved he’s not that way but… would consider… could he have saved his sister if he had instead taken that burden from her….

Cursed Zrise… I think it would rip him apart honestly. To see himself. He’d take that in the worst way. He’d feel more helpless than ever. I think I can’t even describe how far that would cast him into despair. The unreachable… the unattainable… knowing on some level it is and isn’t all his fault. Like it’s the darkness of realizing you had the potential but failed in every conceivable way. Like yes the curse is to blame for some of it. But the dark reflection that all the choices he made… he could have made better… different ones…

[thateldribitch]

To Kill a Cockroach

TW: body horror, drug use, Fyodor being Fyodor, Dazai and all his eccentricities, scars, autistic plot rambling.

Contents: Gender Neutral Reader, Little bit of fluff and romance but a lot of horror themes. Enjoy my plot rambles~

Thinking about writing a Fyodor/Reader where he tries to kill his precious lover with his ability. Except they wake up hours later coughing up blood, and discover they have an ability where they can’t die.

Oh, it’s not that they recover instantly either. And they can feel pain. But no matter the injury, they *live* through it. Fyodor does not know this, because he had to leave their body behind for some reason.

So Reader has to learn to cope with their ability and the constant pain of dying (since how could one heal from surviving Fyodor’s ability without another ability?) They recover at human speeds. But they feel all the pain. They just. Won't. Die.

Thinking about the Reader starting a drug empire, just to get access to the “best” substances to negate the pain. Wearing a mask and calling themselves “Cockroach” or “Zombie.” Because they just keep going. Even if they’re rumored to be shot dead, they just pop back up again.

Thinking about the Reader wearing a mask to hide the scars, gloves, dark clothes. Thinking about how they probably have open wounds sometimes and a hell of a lot of bandages. They know how to stitch their own limbs back on.

Thinking about these connections leading them to trade and deal with bigger criminal organizations, eventually leading them to the blossoming, new Port Mafia. Where they offer their high quality products to Mori, in exchange for just letting them exist in Yokohama.

Thinking about them explaining how their one goal is to restore their body and get rid of their ability. Because even if the litany of drugs they’re on has fried their nerve endings and they live in a constant state of drunken pain, no one gets to decide when they die.

Thinking about them interacting with Dazai, with a very much “don’t touch me” and a “ooooo I’m gonna kill youuuuu oooo” kind of dynamic. They do NOT like him at first. And one day they absolutely snap at Dazai and scream that he doesn’t get to decide that like HE did.

Thinking about how they break into a drunken, sobbing mess just telling him about their ex lover triggering their ability for the first time, how they can’t feel anything anymore, and they feel so far removed from being human that they just want it all back. They want to feel, they want to be sober, they want to get rid of their ability. Because their greatest fear is they *never* do, and they continue to age and age and age and can’t die.

Thinking about how they get closer after this, because if anyone can understand that void and disconnect and loneliness—it’s Dazai. Oh, he’s still Mafia Dazai, so he offers a double suicide instead of any real comfort. But maybe his voice is a bit softer. And the Reader has never been more tempted, but eventually shakes their head and scoffs and says they are NOT pretty enough to count for his “lover’s suicide.”

Thinking about how he asks to see their face, so HE can be the judge of that. They only show part of it, but it’s just a tender moment. And they both emerge just a little more understanding of each other.

And that’s where the Dazai/Reader kicks in >:3

Thinking about how they hear about Shibusawa in the Dragon Head conflict, and really debates asking Shibusawa to just take their ability. But they haven’t been able to restore the damage Fyodor did allll those years ago. But still, of course Shibusawa is going to want to see an ability user that’s essentially immortal. So of course he targets them.

And of course Fyodor is working with him. So the horror of finding out that his lover did NOT get a peaceful, painless death so no one could use them against him is almost too much. So he starts to try and help Shibusawa capture them, because A) he does not want the Reader to keep suffering like this and B) he cannot let this (You) disrupt his plans. And ohhhh the angst of that reunion.

Thinking about how the Reader would scream that he did this to them! And they finally tear off their mask and there are scars and open wounds and oh it’s horrific. There’s barely a trace of the person he fell in love with in that face. That he’s the one who tried to kill then and reduced them to this and FUCK him for doing that in the first place. Because they loved him. And trusted him. And he’s just holding them and saying he couldn’t have known. And he does love them. So he wants to end their suffering—

Now it’s FYODOR’s turn to get stabbed, motherfuckers! (Seriously his stab count is so high.) Which doesn’t kill him but does allow the Reader to get the fuck out of dodge. They disappear for the rest of the Dragon Head conflict, only to reappear a bit later. And everyone laughs and says “Man it’s so hard to kill a cockroach.”

Thinking about how Dazai notices how the reader is acting strange. He thinks they’re going to leave the Port Mafia—even if they’re not an official member, they’re still a resource. And there’d still be retaliation if they just tried to leave. And as an executive, he could snitch.

He doesn’t.

They disappear.

Thinking about how they still provide stuff to the Mafia, or at least their connections do, but there’s not a trace of them anymore. They don’t want Fyodor to find them. They are frantically trying to find a way to repair their body and get rid of their ability. And that is their whole purpose now.

Thinking about how they re-emerge when they hear about Yosano. They go up to the Agency when it’s dark one night. Maybe it’s a bit snowy and cold and they’re so, so tired. They stumble up the steps and knock on the door. Because they are TERRIFIED to hope.

And Kunikida answers. And they hesitantly say they heard about a doctor who can restore bodies. And they desperately need help— maybe they have some grievous injury too and it’s so painful and their drugs. Aren’t. Working.

And Dazai is there. And immediately goes Serious Mode (TM) and asks Yosano to do this as a favor to him.

Thinking about if Yosano used TSND, and it just activates upon her *touching* the reader. Doesn’t get rid of the scars but it does restore flesh and organs. How they’re whole for the first time in decades.

And the first thing they do is hug Dazai, because there is NO risk of them dying when they touch 💕

(Of course this also repairs their nerve endings and holy fuck are they sensitive to touch. Which Dazai wouldn’t take advantage of, noooo neeeeever.)

Something something having withdrawals and getting clean and Dazai helping them with it because sweet former mafia man.

Something something Fyodor Dead Apple reunion, where they get their ability finally taken. Or their ability doesn’t try to kill them, it tries to off itself. Something interesting like that. Or it interacting with Fyodor’s ability or—idk something interesting like that.

Divider by @chachachannah

[denimbex1986]

'Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal's film All of Us Strangers is a profoundly intimate story that takes every viewer through a lived-in experience to reflect on their own journey!

Every once in a while, we come across a film that feels like a watching experience where we aren't able to move even after the credits start rolling. All of Us Strangers is precisely that! It's one of those films that feel like one giant soul-crushing hug! This fantasy romance uses magical realism to talk about grief that remains a part of you even after losing someone years ago, taking time to say goodbye to find closure and reigning in acceptance to make peace with things. Most of all, it deals with the inherent loneliness that comes with it all.

Adam (Andrew Scott), a screenwriter, lives in an apartment by himself in a London tower. Apart from him, only one other person inhabits another space in the empty building - Harry (Paul Mescal). Out of sheer loneliness, they find solace in each other's company. On another front, Adam also reconnects with his parents as he visits his childhood home. This is a film where describing the story's plot is hard because it is based more on the character's journey and experience and how you as audience interact with it. Though the film's first few minutes become very important as it is an establishing point for the rest of story.

The film is a series of Adam's life, living alone and conversing with people, making you reflect on your own life. Living off the sofa, barely bathing, eating junk or leftovers, watching something random, and sleeping on and off is how most of us lonely, suburban, isolated beings prefer to live, just like Adam, when we live alone, especially after the pandemic. It is scary because it is not just about living with yourself but also about living with that constant feeling of loneliness. Hence, when Harry asks to spend a night with Adam, talking about how he leaves his TV on low volume just to have a sense of people living with him, you can see how his fear of being alone is chipping away at him and making him desperate for company.

In this film, everything acts as a device/tool to further Adam's experiences, which in turn becomes something everyone can connect to. Like him being a screenwriter, writing about his parents, becomes an act of finding time to say a proper goodbye to them. Thirty years ago, when Adam was just twelve years old, he went to sleep without saying goodbye to his parents, who went out, and never returned as they both died in a horrific car accident. Hence it is almost poetic because it is always in fiction that we try to achieve some resolution and closure with people, especially the ones who have left our lives. This reconnection becomes cathartic for Adam and the audience because what wouldn't you give to return to those times spent with your loved ones?

Similarly, homosexuality also works as a device. When Harry opens up about how his being queer/gay makes him feel like a stranger within his own family where he's close yet distant from them and hence he's always lonely, Adam can relate. Because even after thirty years, the larger part of him not making peace with his parent's death is also because he never got a chance to come out to his parents. So when he finally does, it lifts a heavy weight off him and helps him fully accept himself, which is reflected on his relationship with Harry. The more he accepts himself, the more vulnerable and open he becomes with Harry. And tbh, being different than the rest, whether you're queer or not, has made a lot of us feel like strangers within our families, nurturing and harboring many secrets in silos.

The film oscillates between fiction and reality, with the camera being a fly on the wall, staying in one place, reflecting and taking in everything while going close. The shift in editing and lighting helps with the transitional flow of the film. It's as if Andrew Haigh (the filmmaker) wants to leave what is real and what's a fantasy to the audiences. When Adam visits his childhood house and his parents, the time shifts back to the 80s because that's the last time he has seen his parents alive. That is why his mother's rejection of him being gay is understandable, as she is scared for the struggles that she thinks his future holds or his father's guilt of his past behavior, as in a heartfelt moment shared between the two of them he understands that Adam wasn't just bullied outside of home but inside as well.

This also makes the relationship between Adam and Harry like that first whirlwind of a passionate teenage romance because even though Adam is interacting with everything in his forties, he is still resolving issues he has been carrying since he was twelve. And to see such a large man cocooned between his parents or in their laps, begging them not to leave him, is a highly touching moment because no matter how old you might get, that sense of comfort of a parent's lap and the absence of it or them, it's a grief that can never be matched! No wonder when the gut-wrenching yet anticipated twist about Harry's death comes forward, Adam cocoons him to provide him with the same sense of comfort. After all, no one deserves to die alone and should be found if only to let go of with a touch of love and companionship.

This intensely personal, cinematic and brilliant piece about nostalgia, unfulfilled experiences, tackling emotional obstacles, and the power of love is a journey wotrth taking. As the camera zoomed out with Adam and Harry cocooned, and the stars in the dark sky started to twinkle with mellow music, I was left remembering Dumbledore's response to Harry when the latter asked him about imagining things or them being real: “Of course, it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”. Because even if this was a figment of Adam's imagination or just his script, I, as a stranger and lonesome writer, am full of this long-lasting, profound, bewitchingly seraphic sensory, enthralling experience. And with this piece, I'm just trying to find that comfort, solace, and cathartic understanding of the film as well as of myself!'

[alexiethymia]

As promised, Death on the Ice Field

Nothing I say here will be new since the themes have been tackled plenty of times in fanfic (which I am so thankful for), but it’s still fun regardless. I feel like I usually have to put the disclaimer that this is a HitsuHina blog, because I think I will always have more to say about them.

Like Death on the Ice Field for example. It frustrates me the anime didn’t show Momo’s part here, because I’ve always believed that she was as crucial to Rangiku and Granny in setting up Toshiro on the path of a shinigami and meeting Hyourinmaru.

The way I see it, Momo was the spark, the impetus, Rangiku showed the way, while Granny allowed him to go. The special chapter, in my view, was all about awakenings or an awareness of change. It was Momo leaving which reminded Toshiro about things changing. It’s an allegory of sorts about growing up. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that perhaps this chapter also showed the start of his awareness of his budding feelings towards her (I mean there will always be naysayers and live and let live, but even without the relationship chart, I don’t think you’d blush at your sister or sister-figure no matter how close she was).

Another thing is how when he says Momo and Granny were the only ones never to be afraid of him, he says next that that’s why he likes Granny, but he doesn’t say the same of Momo. I’ve always thought Kubo excelled in his use of negative space, but that also applies to the dialogue-variant in that he seriously leaves a lot of things unsaid and interactions unexplored (Isshin reuniting with Rangiku and Toshiro, Kirio with Hiyori). It leaves a lot of room for interpretation and makes things fun for fans. Personally, I always read it as him being unsure of his feelings for Momo now, again something brought to his awareness with her leaving, a characteristic tsundere response if you could say.

He measures time by the number of years she entered the academy, and while she still smiles brightly at him - the same smile she graced him with five years ago - she no longer faces back (to Toshiro, Jurinan, take your pick) when saying goodbye the way she did the first time she left. And unlike five years ago where Toshiro just scowls and says she shouldn’t bother visiting anymore, this time he no longer keeps the pretense up, he waves back, though a bit limply because Momo doesn’t even see it, only facing forward, sure in her goal. (Be careful what you wish for and all that.)

So when Grandma says at the end that Toshiro didn’t want to make her lonely, it brings to mind what she said while scolding Toshiro that he shouldn’t say what he said because doesn’t Momo leaving make him feel lonely? He doesn’t deny it either, only pretends that everything is ok and that she’ll be back soon anyway. It’s also no coincidence, I think, that Granny wanted to talk to him right after Momo visited again. In other words, he didn’t want to make Granny lonely the same way Momo leaving made him feel lonely. But that theme of loneliness also applies to Hyourinmaru. Both sword and master would always feel lonely if Toshiro never discovered his name. And if you take Bleach Track 8 as canon (which I do because I love that Drama CD), there’s something to be said about Toshiro discovering Hyourinmaru’s name out of a desire to protect Momo, and Momo being the first to discover him discovering his shikai and subsequently calling him ‘Hitsugaya-kun’ without any prompting this time. In a way, it was a mark of growing up for Toshiro. That’s why there’s plenty of underlying themes between Hyourinmaru and Hinamori in relation to Toshiro that I love to see explored, which @rays-of-fire-and-ice does wonderfully in their fic! That theme of loneliness was also present in Momo during the Soul Society arc (and truthfully for a lot of characters) when she must have felt so isolated because of everything going on around her.

Laying it all out like this, you can really see the parallels with how Toshiro wakes up to both Momo and Rangiku, and how the line “I hear a voice” gets repeated for both Momo and his Granny. I don’t know how intentional Kubo really is with references to mythology, but it’s a fun coincidence to liken the three of them to the fates - Momo as the Maiden, Rangiku as the Mother, and Grandma as the crone - all pivotal to Toshiro’s path.