#one day i'm going to want to talk about depression and then another day might be world issues affecting me & then a day talking about my mom

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

[fitgothgirl]

People who are in regular/long-term therapy!

What type of therapist do you have/what are their credentials? How did you go about finding them?

I’m just tired of therapists who are seemingly just focused on addressing an acute problem and who want to make therapy very goal-oriented. I just want a therapist to talk to about many things and life in general, and I want to stick with them without trying to resolve a certain issue so I can “complete” therapy. I don’t know why this is so hard for me. Unless all therapists just say that stuff in the beginning and you still end up sticking with them long-term.

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[gisellecnz]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

💌 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Teen!Gojo Satoru x Teen!fem!reader

💌 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: The most worst thing Gojo never wanted to happen became true. But after meeting the new transferee, all his problems went away.

💌 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: Highschool 2009 jjk, Gojo being sad after the Geto incident, Reader is a transferee from Kyoto Jujutsu high, Reader is a 2nd year and Gojo is a 3rd year, fluff, slight angst

💌 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Might actually consider making this into a series... From Gojo meeting you for the first till you both are married and have children AACKKKK. Also, if you're wondering why it's not 2006, the year where gojo and Geto separated happened during 2009 and they were 3rd years

💌 𝐖𝐂: 1.4k

2009 — 2 days after Gojo and Geto separated.

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.

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That sickening feeling of regret gripped Satoru as he sat down on the rough, stoned surface of the stairs outside Jujutsu high. He tried to reminisce the moments he had shared with his one and only, best friend Suguru Geto. He hoped that it would relieve his feeling of remorse after the incident. But instead, it made him feel worse. So worse that it made him feel more empty–an emptiness that was sinking deeper and deeper into the dark. He's the strongest, but why couldn't he save his loved ones? He just wishes that he had the ability to rewind the time.

EVERYONE knew that the two bestfriends were inseperable. Yet, was what so important to Satoru had been taken away from him.

Not until......

"Yo, Satoru, are you okay?" Shoko asked as she was approaching the white-haired man, who seemed depressed. Who did nothing but just stared at the ground while sitting on the stairs. It was rare to see Satoru in this state—His usual joyful and playful attitude replaced by a quiet demeanor now, made Shoko feel bad for him.

"...Yeah, I'm fine, it's just that... " He paused, not knowing what to say afterwards. He couldn't think of any excuse.

"... Don't worry, I understand." Shoko replied as she pulls out another cigarette. Searching for the lighter in her pocket.

"..Oi, Ieri-san, what do you think, am I the strongest because I'm Satoru Gojo? Or am I Satoru Gojo because I am the strongest?" He has been pondering about the same questions over and over, and still couldn't find the answer to it. But just now Shoko was too busy with her cigarette, that she didn't perceive what was Gojo was saying.

"Sorry, we're you talking to me?" Shoko puffed the smoke out of her mouth, and puts the cigarette back in to her lips.

Gojo sighs, "Well, forget it. Let's just go, that old man might start exploding by now if we go back to his class late again. " He finally stood up from the staircase as he walks together with Shoko back to class whilst watching the bright blue sky through his sunglasses.

After a few walks on the way to class, Shoko spots an unfamiliar girl who was wearing the same uniform as her, she had a pretty face. But the girl seemed puzzled of where she is right now.

Shoko taps on Gojo's shoulder, "Hey, is that the new transferee from Kyoto? I heard she's the same year as Nanami."

Gojo looked down from the sky, "Eh? Ha? What transferee? Whe–oh... " The moment he laid his eyes on you, he felt a rush of emotions. He's confused of what he is feeling. Why is his heart beating so fast? Why does his face feel hot? What? What?? You're even prettier than the model that he has as his wallpaper on his phone, just who are you?

(hey!! Waka inoue is very VERY pretty, this is just based on Gojo's perspective in my fic) (Also, think of this as the bg music of this scenario the moment gojo lays his eyes on you)

The way he is feeling right now felt so soothing and comforting, as if that emptiness he felt earlier felt like it was no longer there anymore.

He felt weird—for him, he felt like there was a connection between the two of you. His six eyes tell him that he's just crushing over you, but his soul tells otherwise. You were absolutely WAY more than that.

.

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"Oi! Satoru! Stop daydreaming, that girl seems confused right now. We should ask her." Shoko snaps her fingers in front of Satoru's face, bringing him back to reality. "O-okay...!" His whole body tensed, and Shoko cringed at his reply.

As they approach you, your gaze met Satoru's, he feels even more tense. By now his face turned as red as a tomato.

You quickly ran towards them, feeling relieved that you finally found people that you can ask help with finding your dorm. You may have been to Jujutsu high's sister school, but this school was way different than the one in Kyoto.

"Oh thank goodness. I'm a little lost right now, but you guys must be the 3rd years. I'm [last name, first name]. I'm a transferee from Kyoto Jujutsu high. Nanami-san has told me about what you guys looked like in case I ran into you. " You said shyly.

Shoko smiles at your introduction, she knew you the both would get along well. "I'm Ieri-san, I work with healing a ton of people. And this is–" The moment Shoko points at Satoru, he scratches the back of his head, trying to avoid looking at you. Fuck, he's never acted like this in front of new people before. What were you doing to him? The only thing he could do right now is just to shyly wave his hands at you. "–Gojo. He may look stupid but he's actually really strong, he's a special grader."

Shoko went to take a look at Satoru, thinking why he was so quiet. Usually when he goes to introduce, he'd go boasting. He could even take an hour to introduce himself. The way he looks right now was so awkward–Red face, sweating, the way his eyes were avoiding to look at you, and he ONLY waved at you. Now that she has given a thought to it, mischievous thoughts filled up in her mind. She now found a new way to tease Gojo.

Upon hearing their introduction, your face lit up. They sounded really cool! You were happy to have them as your seniors. At that moment you didn't notice Gojo's awkwardness; you were more concerned about finding your dorm. But you wouldn't mind a little talk with them.

"Oh, I've heard a lot about you and your insane powers! You're really famous. I knew you were in Tokyo Jujutsu high. So when I was gonna transfer, I was looking forward to meet you." You were referring to Gojo.

When you looked up at him, his sunglasses were resting on the bridge of his nose, revealing his ice-blue eyes. His long white lashes framed them perfectly. His eyes we're sparkling like a sunlight above the rim of his glasses. You were slightly taken aback by how breathtaking his eyes looked. And he also had a well sculpted face. Now you understood why you kept hearing girls squeal about this particular guy.

After Gojo heard your comment about him, he felt like he could seriously melt at this moment. He stuttered a short "...T-thanks..." in reply. How long will he stay here talking with you? He can't take it anymore!

And it seemed like the gods heard his prayers, Shoko gave Gojo a teasing look. She pat his shoulders and told you that he wasn't really feeling well today. "Sorry, this guy kinda got a fever today. He'd go bragging about himself if he wasn't. He's gonna have to go back to his dorm right now." Shoko looked at Gojo with raising her one eyebrow up, giving him a teasing smile. It pissed Gojo off that she knew he had an instant crush on you. But anyway, she still helped him. "Gosh darn it you Shoko. "—he mumbled.

You turned to look at Gojo to see he was turning away now, a little disappointed that you guys didn't really get to talk that much.

"...Oh, I see. Get well soon then!" You yelled, but not too loudly as Gojo was about to head back to his dorm. But after all the talking, you remembered why you were here in front of Shoko—"Oh yeah. I forgot to ask something, it says my dorm is **** but I don't know where it is. Please help me find it!"

And after that, she was able to help you find your dorm, but the thing is..

*what happened after*

Satoru: "Shoko, what the fuck do I do. It's like I'm being tested, her dorm is right next to mines!!!??" he panics.

Shoko: "Looks like somebody's whipped..." *she raises both her eyebrows up and down repeatedly*

Satoru: "Oh my gosh shut up, I feel like I could melt any minute. What the heck is that woman doing to me... "

Shoko: "You were all emo and stuff earlier, now you're all giddy? She really did a huge impact on you. Aaaanddd it's the first time you were acting timid."

Satoru: "I know! When I first saw her, it felt so weird. I dont know how to explain it! It's like....weird in a good way.... "

tags: @byakuya61085 @angelsleepinggurl

[theosbaby]

birthday princess

stepbro!draco malfoy x fem!reader

masterlist

part one ;; off-limits

summary; it's your nineteenth birthday and your stepbrother gives his favorite girl a very special birthday present.

warnings; college!au, innocent!reader, dom!draco, sub!reader, stepcest, SMUT, oral sex (fem receiving), p in v, lots of praising and (shitty) dirty talk, unprotected sex (wrap it up everybody!)

author's note; english isn't my first language, so you might find mistakes. i'm kinda obsessed with stepbrother!draco lately, so i'm gonna make this a series... hope you like it!

you were back in college, the new semester had just started after christmas break and you were forced to return to your usual rutine; which you didn't want to, because that meant draco and you would have to be apart for months till you both came back home for summer break; drawbacks of going to separate schools, miles away from each other.

today, it was friday, and it was your birthday. your roommate had tried to convince you, very insistently, to go with her to a frat party to celebrate, allegating that "it was supposed to be fun turning nineteen", but you were far too depressed to party, so she ended up going alone; you just missed draco very much. you knew that what you guys had was very wrong, but you couldn't stop thinking about that night in his bedroom. the way he had touched you, the way he had kissed you, the way he had made you feel...

gods, now you were depressed and horny.

a soft knocking on your door brought you back to reality and you sighed, rolling your eyes. you got up from your bed, thinking it was just your roommate again —she tended to forget her keys very frequently. but when you opened the door and saw draco standing there, you almost cried.

"happy birthday, princess," he said with that sultry voice of his that you had missed so much.

he was carrying a huge flowers bouquet on one hand and a white paper bag on the other. he was looking at you with the biggest smile on his face, and you didn't hesitate to throw yourself at him to hug him tightly.

"draco!" you shouted, your voice muted by his flesh as you buried your face on the crook of his neck, inhaling his expensive cologne.

draco chuckled, returning the hug instantly. "missed me that much?" he teased, kissing your temple softly.

"yeah, i did," you muttered as you nodded. you pulled back slightly to look up at him with a cute blush and bright eyes, "can't believe you came all the way here just to see me! you didn't have to..."

"well, i couldn't let my favorite birthday girl spend her day alone now, could i?" draco asked with a smirk, placing another kiss on your forehead that time.

he stepped into your dormroom slowly, picking you up with one arm as if you were nothing to carry you inside. then, he closed the door behind him using his foot.

"i love you."

you smiled big, wrapping your arms around his neck and giving him a chaste peck on the lips; you couldn't help but blush as you did so.

"i love you more," he whispered against your mouth, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

he then set you down gently, careful not to crush the bouquet between your two bodies; you quickly grabbed it, smelling the fresh scent of the flowers. you did not have a proper vase to put the bouquet in, so you just settled it carefully on top of your desk.

"these are beautiful," you said; the bouquet was made of pink tulips, your favourites.

"i bought you a little present too, wanna open it?" he asked, giving you the white bag.

"yes!" you giggled as you took it and ran excitedly towards your bed.

you sat down on it while draco stared at you adoringly. with shaky hands, you took a little box out of the bag; it was covered in a pretty silver wrapping paper that you quickly ripped open. inside the box, you found a gold necklace with a heart pendant; on the backside of it, it could be read: "draco's little princess".

you smiled big when you saw it. "it's so pretty, i love it!"

"i knew you would." draco smirked, walking over to you and taking the necklace from your hands. he sat behind you on the bed, saying, "let me put it on for you."

he gently pushed your long hair aside to place the necklace around your neck. after that, he leaned in, planting a tender kiss on your soft skin. you turned around to face him, kneeling on the bed while you pushed your hair backwards again to show him how the necklace looked on you, your thin and tiny white singlet doing nothing to cover your body.

"perfect," he breathed out, looking at you with such intensity that it made your heart skip a beat.

his eyes traveled down to your lips as his fingers traced the outline of the pendant resting on your chest. you blushed, averting his gaze, as a smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

"don't look at me like that." you chuckled shyly, covering your flushed face.

"like what?"

he smirked cupping your face to force you to look at him, he was still gazing at you like he wanted to devour you. you swallowed hard as the butterflies in your stomach fluttered about crazily. you let out a breathy sigh, your lips parting slightly.

"like you wanna eat me up..." you answered timidly, your voice was merely above a whisper as you did so.

"you have no idea how much I want to," he admitted, a small growl rumbling from his chest. he brushed his thumb over your full bottom lip, causing you to gasp softly, then he added, "been dying to taste that sweet pussy of yours, princess."

you were a lost for words as his blunt statement made your heart race like crazy, you could feel your face and ears heating up from embarrassment but also from arousal.

"don't be shy, baby," he purred, leaning in closer until his breath fanned across your neck and he peppered your skin with little kisses, "would you let me eat your beautiful pussy? wanna make my girl feel good on her special day..." he asked with a soft voice.

you squirmed and let out a little whimper as you felt his hands moving down to grasp at your creamy thighs, pulling you onto his lap. your head tilted to the side, giving him full access to your neck. all that attention he was giving to your body was making you really wet, your pussy aching to be touched, so you nodded in response.

"yes, princess?" he whispered against your skin, nipping at it gently.

he pulled back slightly to look into your eyes, seeing the need and desire there.

"you want me to eat your pussy? use your words, baby," he questioned again, his voice husky with lust.

"yeah... want you to eat my pussy, dray," you muttered shyly, blushing at the dirty words that came out of your mouth.

"good girl," he praised you.

he gave you a small kiss on the lips before standing up with you in his arms to place you on your back on top of the bed.

"now, spread those beautiful legs wide for me," he commanded, gently caressing the back of your knees.

you obeyed instantly, looking up at him with big innocent eyes. your tiny shorts hiked up, barely covering your skin. he eased himself between your spread thighs, his hands trailing up your legs tenderly in search for the waistband of your pijama bottoms.

his fingers tugged at it to start pulling them down alongside your cotton panties. you lifted your hips to allow him to take off your clothes easily, and both items of clothing got stuck at your left ankle, but you just left them there, too eager to feel his touch to care.

now, you laid completely bare and vulnerable in front of him, your body shivering in anticipation.

"gods, you're so fucking gorgeous," he muttered, his voice low and husky.

he lowered his face to kiss your stomach, trailing hot kisses all the way down to your mound as his hands gripped your hips tightly. you whimpered at his compliment, your hand reaching to grasp at his blonde hair.

"draco, don't tease." you pouted, running your fingers through his soft strands.

"ask nicely," he purred, nipping at your inner thigh playfully, while he groaned in pleasure as you continued to tug on his hair, encouraging him.

"dray, please, need you so bad," you pleaded, your hips jerking forward; your clit was throbbing with need.

"very well, princess," he cooed, kissing his way up your inner thigh towards your sensitive pussy.

his tongue flicked out to tease your little bud before he sucked it into his mouth, groaning against your skin as he tasted you for the first time. you moaned in delight, pulling gently at his hair to push him closer to your cunt. the new sensation made your toes curl; you had never had your pussy eaten, and gods, it felt so fucking good.

"mhmm, you taste so fucking sweet, baby," he hummed against your cunt.

his tongue kept tracing slow circles around your swollen clit before he sucked it into his mouth, causing you to gasp and buck your hips. you cried out so softly, your pretty voice echoing in the silence of your dormroom, while your back arched from the bed.

"love those pretty sounds you make for me, princess," he praised between licks and sucks.

his hands gripped your hips tightly to hold you still as he continued to worship your pussy. you felt one of them sliding up and underneath your singlet to cup one of your breaths. you panted when his fingers toyed with your perky little nipple, that hardened instantly beneath his touch.

"draco," you moaned, grinding your pussy against his face.

"so fucking desperate for your stepbrother, huh?" he teased, "you gonna cum on my face, baby?"

he switched his attention to your other nipple, pinching and rolling it between his fingers as he continued to eat you out. he lifted his eyes to look at you, his lips curling up into a predatory smile as his tongue flicked against your clit faster now, knowing that you were close.

"yeah," you muttered in response between needy whimpers.

you breathed out, your chest raising and falling rapidly as you felt your pussy clenching and pulsing around nothing; the coil in your belly tightened, announcing your upcoming orgasm.

"come for me, princess," he growled against your pussy before taking your clit into his mouth and sucking hard. you moaned, your hips jerking up as he worked to pull your orgasm from you.

letting out a cry of pleasure, you came on his face while your whole body trembled. you couldn't help but arch your back from the mattress as you gasped for air. the feeling was so good that your vision went blank for a second. when you finally came down from your high, he slowly pulled away.

"that's my good girl," he purred, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

he stood up and helped you remove the last of your clothes before starting to unbutton his own shirt. panting, you reached to unbuckle his belt eagerly while he got rid of his dress shirt. your skin was flushed and your body still flustered from your recent orgasm.

"so impatient," he chuckled, pulling his trousers and boxers down before climbing on top of you.

he grabbed his hard cock to press the tip against your slick pussy, rubbing it teasingly as he leaned down to capture your lips in a deep, passionate kiss. you moaned into the kiss, your hips bucking against him while he teased your clit with his cockhead.

"you want this cock, baby?" he asked, his voice a deep rumble against your lips as he continued to tease you. "want me to fuck you?"

"yes, please..." you answered, wrapping your legs around his hips to urge him.

with a smirk, he thrust forward, burying his cock deep inside you in one swift motion.

"fuck," he groaned, feeling your tight pussy clamp down around him. "you're so fucking tight."

your eyes rolled back at the feeling, his cock obviously too big for your tiny cunt, but somehow he managed to make it fit like he did the first time. he started to move, his hips rolling in a steady rhythm as he fucked you hard. you gasped out his name with each deep thrust, your nails digging into his back as you tried to get closer to him.

"you like that, huh?" he whispered, "you like your stepbrother's cock stretching your tight little pussy?"

your cunt tightened in response to his words, your face scrunching in pleasure while you nodded, unable to form any coherent sentence. your face was flushed as you heard the creaking from the bed and the filthy wet sounds of his skin slapping against yours.

"look at you, all fucked out on my cock," he growled lowly.

you truly were a sight for sore eyes; you looked so innocent, but at the same time you were taking his dick like a total slut, making him go bloody crazy. he grabbed your legs to pull them up so he could fuck you deeper. you cried out, your eyes rolling back in pleasure as he went balls deep.

"you're such a dirty little thing." his dirty talk was making you so wet that you were dripping onto your bedding.

"oh, draco," you moaned loudly

your hands reached to grasp at your own thighs as he pushed your legs onto your chest; the new angle had your toes curling and your legs shaking. he was holding onto your calves, gently kissing your ankles. his grey eyes glazed with lust as he continued to pound into you, hitting that spot inside you that had you squirming under him.

"fuck, feels so good," he groaned, his teeth nipping at his bottom lip.

you let out a breathy whimper as you clenched around his thick shaft, saying, "i'm so close."

"let go, princess," he commanded sweetly, "cum on my cock."

he gave you one last hard thrust, sending you over the edge. your orgasm crashed down on you and you cried out in pleasure, your body writhing beneath him as your cunt engulfed his dick harshly. his eyes fluttered closed when he felt you pulsing around him, his whole body shuddering while you milked his cock, making him cum inside you with a low groan.

"happy fucking birthday, baby."

fuck you if that hadn't been the happiest birthday of your entire life.

[pennyblossom-meta]

Analysis of the romance in Death Note's Spiraling Trap game.

EDIT 02/03/2024: minor edits and fixes, added a few imgs and extra content.

A huge thank you to the folks over at agtteam who translated L - the ProLogue to Death Note: Spiraling Trap into English! Now we can all date L become FBI agents after hours.

I've been playing the game recently and one of the features I love the most is the L Communicator, which allows the main character (referred to as MC henceforth) to take a break from adventuring and listen to L talk about whatever is on his mind.

There's around one hundred different lines available as the MC develops a relationship with L and they paint him as such a sweet, attentive and thoroughly unique individual that I was surprised by how detailed it was. If you're thinking about playing, then this part is definitely worth putting effort into.

The mechanics of the dating sim are relatively simple: during the adventure, you'll pick up a number of recipes hidden among traps and tools. Then, Watari will provide the ingredients and you can give L whatever sweets he specifically craves. These recipes and cravings depend on the time of day and can be season specific.

Character analysis

As stated in-game, giving L sweets causes his appreciation for the MC to grow. However, L being L, means that he craves different sweets throughout the day. He's definitely very specific about what he likes and what he wants for his sugar fix.

However, if you give L something he isn't craving at that specific moment, he will sulk. The way he expresses his displeasure varies according to the depth of the budding relationship he has with the MC.

L: To tell you the truth, there are many other things I would have preferred. L: [F/N], I hate to say this, but I really would have preferred something else. L: F/N], you must know that I was hoping for something else, right? L: [F/N]… It’s not my favorite but, it made me really happy.

Note: Given that the books in the expanded universe (Another Note and L: Change the WorLd) came out before this game, I think some of the quotes further ahead might be a subtle nod to how L is perceived by the police forces as the "creepy murder detective". However, references about his piece of mind lead me to believe that L craves some respite from the burdens he carries on his shoulders — burdens so strong that they managed to curve his spine.

Note: I'm unsure how the system here works, as the MC also gets points for gaining L's trust in the actual adventure when they a) agree with his observations and b) find key objects hidden in unsuspecting places. It might affect the available lines through the L Communicator.

L: Today is going to be a better day… Let’s think positive. L: I wonder what kind of morning this will be. L: It seems the air outside is crisp this morning.

L: I want to finish what I need to get done before night falls. L: It’s nearly sunset. Time for children to go back home. L: If you just stare into space, night will be here before you know it.

L: It’s already evening… Time keeps passing me by. L: There’s something different about the air at night. L: Night-time, dusk… It’s the witching hour.

As a naturally introspective individual, L observes the world around him and draws conclusions. To my surprise, the game actually managed to capture how observant L is about small, unsuspecting details of daily life and give him a slightly poetic side laced with a hint of wistfulness that suits his character well.

This is a side of L in his private life that I personally wish we had been able to glimpse during the Kira investigation. Though, at the time, L was busy trying to prove that Light was, indeed, Kira. It left him little to no time to enjoy the world around him. During the brief time that L could have had a semblance of rest right before the Yotsuba arc, he was depressed that his deductions were "wrong" — though I could see him musing about some of the above, equal parts whimsy and sulking.

L: If I start to lose my touch… I guess I’ll retire. L: Another day, another mystery… L: I have a lot of thinking to do. L: I feel like doing some capoeira… L: I haven't played tennis for a while. L: The weather today is… Well, it matters not. L: I, um… No, ignore me. L: Am I reading too much into it…?

As a thinker, L has a lot of unfinished thoughts he says out loud. Some border on cliché, others are musings about things he'd like to do or that he's missing.

I wonder if some of his thoughts end up trailing off because, suddenly, he catches himself and believes they're not important? Or that he doesn't think the MC would be interested in what he has to say beyond work matters?

L: “In spring one sleeps a sleep that knows no dawn.” Though, too much sleep isn’t good for anyone. L: If you think about things persistently, noticing all the sides to them will come naturally. L: Strawberries… Despite the name, they aren’t actually berries. How berry disappointing. L: The one who has thought it through wins. It’s true for chess, and for deduction. But in the case of love… I don't know.

He's also a philosopher at heart, always thinking about the human condition. In these we can also witness his dry humour, silly puns along with a subtle desire to share his thoughts on the world and give helpful advice.

As for love, L is cautious but willing to learn. It's a topic where he's out of his depth.

L: Um, Watari is… L: I wonder if Watari’s asleep? L: What could Watari be up to? L: Today is Thanksgiving Day. I am truly grateful to Watari for his diligence.

I found it interesting how L's thoughts eventually go back to Watari and what he's doing. He's the one person that L relies on and whom he interacts with the most. Other people are passing acquaintances at best, who show little interest in L beyond work.

Notice how he mentions diligence? Although it is a utilitarian consideration, it also reveals a thankfulness for the comforts of familiarity and the peace of mind that trusting someone close brings. This is a topic we'll explore better at a later stage, i.e., how trust and acts of service work as a relationship builder.

Romance

Neutral stage

One of the first things I've noticed is that, during the early stages of the relationship, L is still very formal and quite a bit dismissive — even borderline rude. As his sugar fix gets sated by the MC's keen suggestions (Watari provides the ingredients, of course), L grows gradually more fond of them and wants to include the MC in his life with an enthusiasm I can only define as endearing.

L: Aren’t you bored? You don’t have to check in on me. L: Don’t you have stuff to do?

At the beginning, L is still wary of the MC on a personal level as they have absolutely no rapport beyond a partnership of circumstance and usefulness in the name of justice. He's quick to get bored and doesn't take it very well when he's given sweets he isn't craving. A bit childish, one could say, the way he sulks when the MC errs by not reading his mind.

L: Did I enjoy it? Let me just say “no comment”. (about sweets that weren't quite to his taste)

It's also very in-character for L to feel both annoyed at someone who is randomly calling him and be suspicious of their motives.

Growing interest

L: Spending the afternoon with you isn’t so bad. L: Even though it’s late, you’re not going to bed, huh? L: You must be a night owl, [F/N]. L: I’m a little curious about you, [F/N]. L: Are you having a good time? I’m just curious. L: You’re kind of… Ah, no, forget I said anything.

He starts addressing the MC by their first name as he becomes more enamoured. It's very sweet. I was pleasantly surprised at how attentive L becomes as he gradually comes to the conclusion that this is a person who understands him.

Mind, due to game mechanics the MC gains approval by giving L sweets, but from a narrative perspective what's really happening is that L not only feels seen and understood, but also accepted. And when that happens, he starts lowering his walls and relaxing.

As a plot device, I would say these are defining moments within L's thought process here; he's curious about the MC, finds them interesting enough to want to know more them and pursues that curiosity to see what they might have in common. It seems he's both a little baffled and content about this development.

L: [F/N], what do you think of when you see a sunset? L: What are you doing this afternoon? Oh, should I not have asked? L: Are you a night owl? Oh, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want.

It should also be noted that L is very mindful of boundaries. There's a tentative, almost shy attempt to connect. He's determined to indulge in his curiosity since the MC's attentiveness towards him shows an opening for closeness he's unused to (but is happy about) and to tend to his more immediate needs (i.e., food cravings), which in turn shows a genuine concern for him. Aside from Watari, I doubt anyone ever extended L similar kindness.

And it is in this determination to get to know the MC that I also find Mello's words (AA: LABB Murder Cases) that L is actually a very active, aggressive individual with absolutely no interest in social conventions perfectly represent him this game, as he navigates a growing fondness with expectation, curiosity and caution — on his own terms, while minding that he doesn't overstep.

L: Staying up late talking to you… It makes me feel calm.

I find it particularly heartbreaking how this confession of L unknowingly makes it more transparent how burdened he is. The spine curved by burdens unseen, the addiction to mind games and sweets; all of these point to stress factors which isolate him further, increasing the loneliness and lack of affection in his life.

That L feels the need to mention the MC makes him feel calm seems telling.

L: We’re both late workers, huh? That makes me happy. L: [F/N]… You’re pretty formidable. L: It’s reassuring to have a partner like you. You’re someone I can trust. L: Your feelings have been received. (Valentine's Day) L: The fact we’ve become so close was an unexpected development on my part.

And here it is, the acknowledgement just as L enters the highest stages of approval, where he expresses admiration and happiness at the close bond he developed with the MC.

"An unexpected development on my part" is quite the turn of phrase. One can only wonder, but I'd make an educated guess that L didn't see this coming because:

a) no one showed feelings towards him before. In his line of work, hidden behind a screen there is no time to indulge or get attached to anyone (he would mistrust their intentions anyway) and so L keeps everyone at arms length, sharing little more than a professional side of himself and fostering utilitarian relationships that help him win "games". L ultimately carries various burdens the average civilian would never be able to understand, all due to the pressure of his job. When failing at the "game of cat and mouse" means being responsible for the likely deaths of dozens, perhaps even hundreds or thousands, the stakes are up in unimaginable ways. What started as a thrill chase can have catastrophic consequences should L fail. That in itself alienates him from society at large. It's a game that L plays well and absolutely profits from, but it is also an indicative of two major flaws: his addictive personality and how he suppresses his emotions to carry on. Coincidentally, it's the expanded universe, in particular Another Note: LA BB Murder Case and L: Change the WorLd, that give us the best insight into this. This isn't too dissimilar to the struggles policemen face in high risk jobs or technicians who have to flag and delete sensitive content from online platforms. These people end up changed from what they see — and some carry traumas for the rest of their lives. That's not to say that L doesn't feel for others. He respects people whom he considers good or morally upstanding (Soichiro Yagami), who are competent in their line of work (Naomi Misora, Mogi), worthy of a second chance (Aiber and Wedy), who speak their minds, unafraid (Aizawa) or who are reliable, loyal to him as a person and not just his cause, in whom he can place his trust and feel secure won't betray him (Watari). The MC seems to fall mostly in the last category, though the relationship is rather precocious — and there seems to be a fair amount of wishful thinking and even projecting on L's part, since communication happens over a device connecting two people remotely. He falls both for the idea of the individual and their attentiveness towards him. When L mentions that they make him feel calm, I'd argue it comes both as a surprise to him and a confession of a closeness and safety he intimately craved — though I personally view L as someone who feels lonely and wanting healthy human contact, even if his social skills might not be the best (worsened by his distrust of people as a whole). Someone who ultimately is willing to adapt to him but whom he can adapt to, as well. Someone who sees him as a person and not an unfeeling robot. It's a POV that certainly challenges certain aspects of DN: Vol 13. I would further argue that L's portrayal has evolved significantly beyond the manga, and that his subsequent humanising is partially a result of the creative liberties the English translations took, as well as a more empathetic view of the character and hidden struggles. Each medium displays a separate iteration of L, with common variables.

b) L fosters distant relationships with others as a safety measure. Aside from Watari, L's contact with other people had always been distant, work-focused, perhaps even tainted by notions of his supposed creepiness as a kinky detective "who relished bizarre murders" (L:CtW). He's useful to the police because he achieves favourable results, though L is still viewed as "a human computer, capable only of measuring mass murders in terms of cold numbers, a reclusive sociopath" (L:CtW). He isn't necessarily liked; in fact, I would argue he rubs people the wrong way most of the time — as we can see during his interactions with the Task Force, during the events of Death Note. L is tolerated, a useful asset who is both mysterious and a pain to deal with. However, he's also put on a pedestal due to his status (i.e., Relight, the children at Wammy's). For the latter, he purposely shatters their idea of L as this unbeatable, paragon of justice by defining himself as a monster (anime), a dishonest cheating human being who hates losing (manga). I do share in lux-mea-lex's perspective on L doubting his own humanity and how it fuels a certain self-hatred for distrusting everyone around him. As lux mentions, "love comes with trust" and L is an excellent detective precisely because he questions everything and everyone — but it comes at a cost: his own loneliness. To draw a parallel, L's ultimate flaw — and that which makes him great at his job — is not unlike what we see during the moments of extreme anguish that Veronica Mars goes through in her personal relationships and which draw people away from her when she oversteps boundaries to prove she's not being lied to. That mistrust comes from experience, for people burdened with having seen too much and it's not unlike a kind of paranoia acquired when one has to deal with the worst of humanity on a daily basis.

Full reciprocity

L: [F/N] you’re the light that illuminates the dark night. That’s an exaggeration of course, but… L: What I need to live is glucose… and to talk to you. Nourishment for my brain and heart. L: When we’re together, I feel like there’s no problem we can’t solve. L: The afternoons I get to spend with you are precious to me.

When the MC achieves the stage of full reciprocity with L, he's very open to showing vulnerability and lowering his emotional defenses. I found this to be particularly sweet, as L is such a secretive man with so many hidden layers that him being willing to show such honesty with that one person he holds dear is incredible character development.

Beyond the game, I would say that achieving this stage with L would be much more difficult and, naturally, would involve going beyond picking the best sweets for him.

Something important to keep in mind is that L seems to value acts of service, as the people who interact with him more closely have some utility value and aid his work. However, L's life revolves around his work; he lives and breathes his detective work, which is why having a partner who brings him peace would be so important.

L: The time I spend with you is as important to me as the sweets. L: Good morning. It makes me really happy to see you here. L: For your sake… I’d think of a way to get through anything. We share a bond. L: When you have time, I’d like to take you to a shop that makes the best sweets. L: When you’re free, how about we play tennis together? I will have Watari reserve a court. L: If something were to happen to me… I want you, as the person I hold dearest, to carry on the L moniker. L: When my thoughts hit a dead end late at night, I feel like I’m stuck in a maze. But, having you here makes me feel reassured.

I also found it very sweet how L takes the initiative to plan for activities to do together with the MC. And how their presence, their reassuring words make him feel at ease. It seems that a loving relationship would give L a goal in life beyond his work.

Carrying on the L moniker... this quote might be the result of L's trust in the MC growing during the events of the game, or a sentiment L nurtures due to the MC being attentive enough to understand his specific cravings. But being able to read L and having the mental dexterity to become him are different things, as the latter involves a lifestyle that few would want and a complete focus on work. Even FBI agents have lives beyond work.

L: I learned from you that sweets are the bond that brings people together. L: You give me true peace of mind. No one could ever replace you. L: The way I am now, I… I can’t think straight when you’re not around. L: Being able to share this sunset with you, I couldn’t ask for anything more. L: You understand, don’t you [F/N]? What my heart so strongly desires is something more… L: When I talk to you, I feel like my senses are sharpened. Thanks to that, my radar has become more sensitive.

What a sweet guy. I love how L focuses on the little things and just wants to spend time together with the person he holds dearest. It's almost as if he daydreams a close, loving relationship — a trait that clashes with L's logical side.

This game and the expanded universe of Death Note have convinced me that there are many more layers to L than what we can see in the main story.

As Fu Takahashi, who plays L in the 2020 Japanese version of the musical, said:

“(...) A common thing about L among these versions is that, despite his superficial image as a smart guy who hates losing, he actually feels lonely and needs affection, I imagine. Perhaps he is an orphan – his character suggests so. He tries to control his emotions, like the feelings towards his parents, or romantic feelings; that’s why he is sort of dependent on games or battles of the mind. So I want to play L while thinking about the foundations on which his personality has been formed.”

I think this quote and the game are actually very telling of L's core personality and how it moves beyond that cold, calculating persona that defines him in the manga. It's also more in line with the characterisation that we see in the anime and the books, which help humanise L.

As I mentioned elsewhere, learning how to trust and be comfortable around someone else would do L wonders. Though that person would have to accept him for who he is and help him learn how to navigate a healthy relationship.

Perhaps the true test of love, for L, would even be for him to be confronted with someone who knows who he really is and, is not only kind to him, but also sees the best in him — regardless of his flaws. I think that we've had a glimpse of it in this game and it's a breath of fresh air.

[normansnt]

The Prince pt.2

(Alastor x prince of hell! Reader)

Warnings: couple fight, kinda depression but nothing major, ehhh I think thats it.

Also Alastor might be a bit OOC but like who cares let me be delusional🫡

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It has been two months now since you and your dad visited your sisters hotel and you met Alastor.

Since then life has been amazing. You and Alastor continued to meet up in coffee shops and bars.

Of course you didn't tell your father since he would freak out.

However is has happened don more than one occasion that you spent the night in Alastors room at the hotel telling your father that you were just visiting Charlie.

Nothing happened of course since Alastor was asexual, and it took quite some time to get him comfortable with physical touch in general.

After he got used to it though it turned out he loved it. Only with you, but he loved it.

One of your favorite activities together is, in fact, cuddling.

Which you were doing right now as well you sitting in his lap in one of his arm chairs both of you reading books.

Alastor stopped reading for a second, and looked at you.

Since the meeting at the hotel a lot has happened. A lot that surprised even him. He has no idea he could get into e relationship let alone with someone as amazing as you.

Around the beginning of the second month into your relationship you got into a fight.

You wanted him to drop the act and open up to you because if he doesn't this relationship will never work.

And obviously he didn't want to. He has spent years building up his very carefully crafted facade. And who knew if you would still love him.

After that argument you didn't see each other for a week. Which was hell for alastor. Yes, he lived there but being away from you showed him what it was like for other people.

The pain in his heart was something he has never felt before, perhaps when his mother died but that was so long ago he could barely remember.

He woke up with that blinding pain in his chest and he thought is was just a temporary thing, so he went along his day.

Only to notice that the pain did not lessen or go away. It was there constantly and got worst whenever someone mentioned you.

After 3 days spent like this he could take it no more he went to you fathers house and requested to see you.

He knew that Lucifer didn't know you guys were together but he didn't care at this point he needed to see you and frankly he refused to do it over a little buzzing box.

Your father was of course as confused as one can be. What the fuck was the radio demon doing here wanting to talk to you.

They were about to get into another fight when you turned up.

Alastor froze when he saw you.

You were, even nicely speaking, a mess. Your hair was not as well kept the sleepless nights could be seen in your eyes, and you were wearing your pjs, which was one of Alastors shirts, from the few he owned.

Alastors didn't even spare another glance at your father he pushed him out of the way took your hand and led you to your room where you guys talked things out.

He didn't open up fully, but he stopped grinning. Which was already a huge step for him.

He promised, though, to open up to you more and more he just needed time.

And you were ok with that.

After he finished his sentence you leaped into his arm and kissed him which he eagerly returned. Missing the feeling of your lips on his.

"Alastor?"

He was staring at you. For a long time now and you were getting worried.

"Are you ok?" You asked while cupping his cheek.

He took the hand that was on his cheek and kissed your palm that put that hand on his chest where his heart would be if he had one.

"Oh, I'm quite alright dear, just thinking." He answered than leaned in for a kiss.

Your lips met and this kiss was not quite like the others.

Alastor but all the feelings he couldn't say into that one kiss stealing your breath. You felt the things he was to closed off to share and you understood why it would take him time.

After you parted you gave him another quick kiss which made him chuckle.

"WHERE IS THAT RADIO DEMON SON OF A BITCH"

Oh, yeah when Alastor visited you, Lucifer found out about you two, and since than...well lets just say Alastor enjoys tempting him with it to no end.

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YOU GUYS ASKED FOR A PART TWO, AND I DELIVERED😎

No cuz in all seriousness my hazbin fics have gotten so much love and I just wanna thank you guys so much😭🧡🧡

I hope you enjoyed your reading Ladies, gentleman and other, good afternoon good evening and good night.🦖🧡

[cy-cyborg]

Disability Tropes: The disabling change of heart

When a character in a story becomes disabled, they'll sometimes experience a trope that I like to call "the disabling change of heart". This is when the character goes through a massive change in their outlook, their personality, their goals or even roll in the story, specifically because they became (or are about to become) physically disabled. Sometimes, this will be in relatively small ways: the happy-go-lucky comedic relief character might become bitter, angry and jaded after getting into an accident that caused a spinal injury, or the severally depressed and nihilistic character might suddenly start acting more cheerful and hopeful, stating that loosing their leg has "put things into perspective and showed them what really matters". In other cases though, the impact is much larger, the heroic character you've been hearing about looses an arm thanks to the main character's actions, causing them to become consumed with anger and self-loathing which they take out on everyone else, eventually becoming an antagonist as they seek revenge for what the main character did to them. The morally grey or even villainous character is injured by their own scheme, giving themselves a permanent disability in the process, which prompts a change of heart and leads them to turn their lives around and become better people, maybe even deciding to team up with the heroes.

Now, having a character go through a personality and goal change due to a major life event, such as becoming physically disabled, isn't inherently bad. A lot of writers are told to tie major shifts in your character's development to major life events, because realistically, something like becoming newly disabled will at least impact how you view the world around you. I very frequently talk about how if I didn't loose my legs, I would have become a vastly different person, but the issues with this trope depends on how it's used and the reasons behind these developments, and whether or not the change suits the character in question.

Before we get into things, I would like to specify that in this post, I'm only going to be talking about how this trope is used with physical disabilities and other easily visible forms of disability. It does show up with characters who develop disabilities under the mentally ill and neurodivergent umbrellas, and is actually a bit more common than what I'm talking about today, but the specific ways its utilised are so different that it's more or less a separate trope, and one that deserves much more attention than I could give it here as this is already going to be a pretty long post. So for today, I'm keeping to it's use with physical and visible disabilities, and we'll talk about how this trope is used with neurodivergence and mental illness another day.

The main thing you need to be mindful of is ensuring that you, as an author, are not including your ingrained biases about disability into the reasoning behind the change. Let's look at one of the examples from before, an evil character who, after loosing their arm (because it's almost always loosing an arm for some reason) becomes a villain and wants revenge against the main character. In a story like this example, the character who became an amputee often views this new disability as something that has ruined their life. It's something that has caused them to suffer, and they want to make the main character (or whoever has "wronged" them) suffer like they did. Stories like this example portray disability as something that is not just horrible, but life-destroying, especially with villains who become all-consumed by the misery this disability has brought them. Many stories that utilise this version of the trope also often perpetuate the idea that if you become disabled, you'll have to give up all the things you love and your goals, even when this wouldn't necessarily be true for the character in question.

Let's say your character was a knight, and the main character cut off their arm in a training accident. obviously you can't be a knight with only one arm because you can't fight anymore, so they left their order. Now this character has become a villain and has found power that "makes up" for their disability, perhaps magic or some other force that doesn't exist in the real world, and are back to get revenge on the character for ruining their lives. Here's the thing though, the loss of a limb, or at least, the loss of an arm specifically, often isn't the career ender people think it is, even back then. In fact, there are many historical records of real amputees continuing to serve as knights and other similar military roles after loosing an arm or at the very least, continuing to fight in other ways. One such example was Götz of the Iron Hand, a mercenary knight who lost his arm to a cannon. Götz had fought as part of the Roman empire's military in 1498, but shortly after left to form his own mercenary company. He lost his hand in 1504 and continued his career as a mercenary with the help of an iron prosthetic capable of holding his sword and the reigns of his horse, among many other things such as writing, for another 40 years. Götz wasn't unique in this though, several suits of armour from the same time period have been found with integrated prosthetic hands, though the names of their owners are unknown. There was also Oruç Reis (aka Aruj Barbarossa), A privateer admiral who served the Ottoman Empire in and around the Mediterranean who lost his left hand - earning him one of many nicknames: Silver-Hand, thanks to the colour of his prosthetic. Oruç, like Götz, continued his career for several more years until he was eventually killed in 1518.

My point in bringing this up, is to highlight how important it is to double check that the reason your character's whole motivation for turning to villainy, isn't just based on your ideas about what a disabled person can or can not do. Actually double check it, research it, especially if it's important for your plot.

Even in the cases where the disability in question actually would stop someone from being able to do something, the incorrect assumptions can still occur and cause issues in different ways. For example, a character in a more modern setting who looses their arm due to an accident the main character was responsible for while serving in the military would be discharged, ruining the character's plan to become a general some day. This absolutely would be devastating for a character like that, and they realistically could struggle to adjust, both in terms of getting used to their disability and finding new goals for their life. They may well feel anger at the main character, however, if you are portraying just living with a disability, in the case of this example, living with an amputation as inherently "suffering" for no other reason than they are disabled, it is still perpetuating those really negative ideas about disability. I've said this a few times in other posts, but villains who are evil or even just antagonists purely because they're disabled or are trying to avoid becoming disabled is a trope all its own and one that is best avoided if you yourself aren't disabled, as even outside of spreading these negative ideas about life with a disability, it's just an overdone and overused trope.

But what about when this trope goes in the other direction? when you have an antagonistic or even just morally grey character who becomes disabled and this is the catalyst that turns them into a good guy?

For the longest time, I knew I usually disliked this version of the trope too, but I couldn't put my finger on why. With disability being the reason someone became a villain, the underlying reason it's there is often able to be boiled down to "I, the writer, think being disabled would be terrible and life like that is inherently suffering, so this character is angry about it," which is obviously an issue (the "inherently suffering" bit, not the anger). However, when a character becomes good due to becoming disabled, the reasoning is usually more along the lines of, "this is a big change in a character's life that has caused them to reconsider and revaluate things" (or at least, that's what I thought). This isn't bad, nor is it necessarily unrealistic. Hell, as I already said, I do consider my disability to be a catalyst that made me into who I am today. I also know plenty of people who, after becoming disabled later in life, did have a big change in how they viewed themselves and the world, and who consider themselves better people since becoming disabled. It's far, far from a universal experience, mind you, but it does happen. So why did this version of the trope still not sit right with me?

Well, I think there's a few reasons for it. The first being that there's a tendency for non-disabled people to think real disabled people are just incapable of evil deeds, both in the sense that they aren't physically capable of doing them (which is bad and not even always true for the reasons we already discussed), but also in the sense that there's this idea that disabled people are, for some reason, inherently more "good" and "innocent" - As if breaking your back or loosing a limb causes all evil and impure thoughts to be purged from the body. This is a result of many folks viewing disabled people as child-like, and thus attributing child-like traits (such as innocence) to them, even subconsciously. This is an incredibly common issue and something disability rights organisations are constantly pushing back against, as this mentality can cause a lot of unnecessary barriers for us. With how often I and many other disabled people are subjected to infantilization, I would be honestly shocked if it wasn't at least partially responsible for people thinking becoming disabled is a good reason to kick off a redemption arc.

This infantilization isn't unique to physically disabled people by the way, in fact it's way, way, more commonly directed at people with intellectual and developmental disabilities - or at least, people are more open about it, but as I already mentioned, how that is reflected in tropes like The Disabling Change of Heart is vastly different and deserves a post of it's own.

That's mostly just speculation on my part though, since that infantilising mindset does show up a lot in media, but not usually as part of this trope specifically.

However, it's not the only reason I wasn't a fan of it. When the disabling change of heart is used to fuel redemption arcs, I think, once again, that the disability itself being credited with causing the change directly is another factor. When this happens, it's usually because "it put things into perspective for me and showed me what really mattered."

This sounds better than our previous example on the surface, but stories that use this logic are often still portraying disability as an inherently bad and tragic thing, something so bad, in fact, that it makes all the other (legitimate) issues they thought were massive before seem so small by comparison. This is a type of inspiration porn: content made to make non-disabled people feel inspired or just better about their own situation. It's the mentality of "well my life is bad, but it could be worse, at least I'm not disabled like that!"

In a fictional story, this might look like an athlete character who dreamed of making it big so they could be famous and get out of poverty. They were a dick to anyone who got in their way but only because they were worried about not being able to make rent if they don't constantly win. One day though, they overworked themselves and got into a car accident on the way home because they were too tired, and now they're in a wheelchair and can no longer walk, which is (supposedly) absolutely tragic and way worse than anything else they were already going through. But they end up becoming a better person because it has put things into perspective for them. Yeah they were struggling to make ends meet, but at least they weren't disabled! Now that they are, they know they shouldn't have cared so much, because money doesn't matter when compared to not being able to walk, right?

As well as portraying disability in a negative light, these kinds of stories dismiss and diminish the other struggles or challenges the character is experiencing, placing the status of "not disabled" above all else.

There's also the fact that, when a lot of real people say their disabilities had positive impacts on their lives, they don't usually mean the disability itself is directly responsible for the change. There's exceptions of course but for myself personally, and most of the people I know who say they are better people because of/since becoming disabled, the disability has been more of a neutral catalyst than the actual cause of positive change. Meaning, it opened the door to allow those changes to happen, but it wasn't the direct cause. For me personally, becoming physically disabled at a young age didn't make me a nice person like people expect, I was still a little judgemental asshole for a lot of my childhood. However, because I was disabled, I had to travel a lot, initially because I needed medical treatment that my local hospital wasn't equip to provide, and later, because I started competing in disability sports. because of both of those things, I met people I never would have otherwise who made me reconsider what I'd been taught on a wide range of subjects, and made me question where those beliefs had come from in the first place. When I say my disability played a part in who I became, it wasn't because my disability itself change me, but it helped me meet people who were positive influences on me and my life. but when creatives make characters who experience arcs like this, they ignore this, again, defaulting to the "this was a bad thing that just put all my other problems into perspective" reasoning.

Some iterations of this trope also use disability as a kind of "karmic punishment" where the disability is portrayed as a rightfully deserved punishment for an evil character's deeds - usually something relating to the disability they acquired but not always. An example might look like an evil tyrant who punishes the rebels they captured by cutting off their hands. Eventually, this catches up with him, maybe the friend or a child of one of the rebels is able to capture the tyrant and cuts his hands off as payback so that he gets a taste of his own medicine, a taste of the suffering he imposed on others. Now facing at least one of the same realities of the people he subjugated, he realises the error of his ways. With some pressure from the main characters, he has a change of heart and surrenders himself, steps down to let someone else take his place, or perhaps he decides to start changing policies to be more in-line with these new morals until some other character usurps him, becoming an even bigger threat than the previous former tyrant.

Once again, stories that use a disability like this are still portraying the disability as an overall inherently bad thing, but there's the added layer at play in this example. The thing is, there are a lot of people in real-life who actually believe disability is a punishment from God. I remember one time when I was over in the US, an older lady came and sat down on the seat beside me on the bus and started asking me about my disability and specifically, how I became disabled. This isn't an unusual interaction, it happens fairly regularly whenever I use public transport, but on this particular day, the conversation suddenly shifted when I told her I became disabled when I was very young. This woman, despite the bus-driver's best efforts to get her to stop, ended up lecturing me for an hour and a half (during which time I couldn't move due to how my wheelchair was held in place) about how my disability was punishment from God for my parent's sins. She then tried to convince me to attend her church, claiming they would be able to heal me. And the thing is, this isn't an uncommon experience.

A lot of disabled people are targeted by cults using this same method: they'll convince people their disabilities are a punishment, make them believe they deserved it, that they just weren't good enough, but don't worry, if you repent and come to our specific church we can heal you. There was even a case in Australia recently that uncovered a cult called Universal Medicine, who taught that disabled people were reincarnations of evil people, and that being disabled in this life was their punishment, as well as that parents who have disabled children were being punished for other sinful behaviours. They were found to be operating a disability care service named Fabic that was being paid for by the NDIS, a subsection of the Australian government funded healthcare system that specifically aids disabled Australians by paying for and subsidising treatments, technologies (such as mobility aids) and other services relating to their disability. Fabic was found to be stealing excessive amounts of funding from their disabled clients under the guise of therapies and carer services, but was not actually helping their clients at all. Whether it's just taking advantage of them to get their money, or actually using this logic as a justification to mistreat them, this mentality of "disability is a punishment" actually gets real disabled people hurt or worse, and so seeing it come up in media, even if there is no ill-intent, can be very distressing and uncomfortable for disabled audiences.

So with all this being said, is the disabling change of heart a trope you should avoid in all it's forms and versions? No, but it does need to be handled with extreme care. I do think it should be avoided as a reason for a character becoming evil for the most part. If that really can't be avoided in your story though, at the very least, ensure that you foreshadow the change. Your happy little ray of sunshine, embodiment of sweetness and innocence type character probably isn't going to turn murderous and want revenge for an accident for example. A character who is likely to be driven to that kind of extreme of wanting revenge for their disability, so much so that they become a villain, probably already had at least a few traits that would predispose them to that line of thinking already, before becoming disabled. As for when it goes in the other direction, and you have a character becoming a good guy, avoid using the reasoning that "the disability put things into perspective for me". Instead, if you must use this version of the trope, use the character's new disability as the reason they encountered other people and situations that challenged their views, things they wouldn't have encountered otherwise. No matter the reason though, be very careful to avoid inspiration porn, and as always, try to find a sensitivity reader to give your story a once-over, just to make sure something didn't slip under your radar.

[Thumbnail ID: An illustrated image showing the same elf character twice. The picture of her on the left shows her laughing evilly, two tiny horns protruding through her brown hair. She is wearing a black dress and red shoes. On the right shows her in a yellow dress, sitting in a bright pink wheelchair with her head held eye and her eyes closed. The horns have been replaced with a glowing halo. In the centre is text that reads: "Disability Tropes: The disabling change of heart." /End ID]

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 8

Buckle up, kids

Chapter 7|Chapter 8|Chapter 9|Updated through Chapter 12

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 4.9k CW: Slowburn, Angst,Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, cuddles, depression, anxiety, Sexual fantasizing, insecurity, alcohol/intoxication

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into a couple of months as your relationship with each other and with the hotel crew continued to grow. It was nice not to have to worry about the "end of the world" clouding the dynamic, but both of you felt a little differently about the current progression of things.

Lucifer loved getting to give more energy to caring about you and Charlie, creating and feeling like he was himself again. The dynamic he had with you ended in more nights of chilling, doing not much of anything other than being with each other. He had attempted slipping in some more cute pet-names into the conversation with you, just to see how you would react, and you seemed fine with it, like everything he did. He kept ending up in the same spot when it came to figuring out how to tell you about his true feelings. His fear of being turned down was intense, but he was more worried about doing something to lose you completely. He logically knew that was silly, but he was so scared to return to the sad disconnected person he was before he met you.

You, on the other hand, were a little scared because of the simplicity and calmness of your time now together. You hade never experienced this in your living life, or hell, so it made you really uncomfortable. He had started calling you things like "Apple" and "Duckie" which you liked, but he was more focused on you and your needs, there was less for you to do. Was he trying to model more of what he needed from you? But then, when you tried to care give for him, he would tell you to just let him care for you. Was he getting bored of you? Were your days together numbered? Would he soon be ok enough to not need you anymore?

Ughh... and why did you care so much? You had numerous other clients drop off during your time with Lucifer, and you had not given them a second thought. Why was this so different? Had you become too attached? Well you definitely had... but why? What was it about Lucifer that had you clawing to make sure he still needed you around? Was it the connection to the hotel? That had definitely made it stronger, but you knew this feeling had lasted before you started visiting the hotel.

The hotel issues was another matter, Charlie had been trying you get you to move in for weeks, and you kept telling her that you needed more time to prepare. You hated lying to her, but you were worried about how that might complicate the relationship with Lucifer, and of course you could not tell her about the dynamic. You would hate for something to happen between you two and then have Charlie caught in the middle, or feeling like it was you or him. She had that enough between Lucifer and Lilith, she did not want to do that to you again. You wanted Charlie to remain fully on Lucifer's side no matter what happened.

You wished you could talk to someone, anyone, about what was going on, but you couldn't, and that drove you mad.

______________________________________________________________

One particular day, it was time for Lucifer to go off to another Sins meeting. Lucifer went off with to his meeting, blitzed through it with a lot more honest vigor and energy than the last meeting, was able to deal with Mammon's complaining, and got it all wrapped up in no time at all.

At the end, Asmodeus waited for the room to clear out before trying to chat with Lucifer again.

"Well, now, someone is in much better spirits from last time~" Asmodeus said wiggling his eyebrows and chuckling.

Lucifer waved his hand, "Oh, ppsssh, golly, is it that noticable? Well, you know, I just got some good advice from a friend, got my confidence and my daughter back, and I'm the happiest I've been in decades. It's not a big deal."

Asmodeus shimmied his shoulders with joy, "Ahh! I am just so happy for you. It's like I always say, there is nothing more healing than some good, earthshattering, dirty, mindless sex."

Lucifer froze, "Ya... a- about that... umm... there... uhh... there hasn't been any sex."

Ozzie paused and cocked an eyebrow at you, "Say what now?"

Lucifer ran some figures through his hair, "Well... t-there almost was! But... then I had a liiiiittle panic attack, she helped me through it and was so amazing about it, I cried myself to sleep in her arms, it helped me sleep and feel better, and then I've basically been falling asleep in her arms every night since..." He ended with a nervous smile.

Asmodeus blinked, and put his hands on his hips, "You fell in love with her, didn't you?"

Lucifer's eyes went wide, "Whaaaaa... no... pffft. You're silly Ozzie, me falling in love with a prostitute? That's... that's" Lucifer looked at Ozzie, holding his stance, cocking an eyebrow. Lucifer deflated, "That's... exactly what happened..."

Asmodeus chuckled looked around before looking back at him, "You wanna know a secret?" Lucifer looked up at Ozzie, Ozzie smiled and leaned in, "You aren't the only one who has fallen for a fling."

Lucifer stared at Ozzie, had the Sin of LUST fallen in LOVE. "Whaa.."

Ozzie help up a hand, "But. no questions right now, we are focused on you. So... you dating her now?"

Lucifer rubbed his neck, "Not exactly... we are together all of the time, but I haven't been able to figure out how to tell her. I'm scared that I'm just another client to her... and that the minute I'm open about this, the fantasy that I have been living in will disappear around me."

Ozzie shrugged, "Well... it might," Lucifer deflated, "butttt... it might also be an open door into the happily ever after that is the rest of your life! You can't let that fear get in the way. Look at what your daughter managed to do with her hotel, look at what you did with reconnecting with her! The risk was all there too, and look how those turned out!"

Lucifer thought, Ozzie was right, he just needed to figure out how to tell you. "Ok... any thoughts on how I should tell her, oh master of Love?"

Ozzie laughed and put a hand on Lucifer's shoulder, "Don't overcomplicate it, just treat it like any other night, adding crazy stuff might make her nervous. Be yourself, be open and honest. If all goes well, she feels the same way and your first real date together can be where you pull out all of your creative, romantic magic."

Lucifer nodded, "Ok... ugh... I'm just still so nervous."

Ozzie shrugged, "Nothing wrong with a glass of wine or two to calm the nerves. You can do this Luc, nothing the King of Hell can't handle." Ozzie started to walk out the door, then stopped, "Go get that girl man."

Lucifer gave a confident nod and teleported himself home. He looked at the clock, he only had.... several hours until you would be over. Ugh, this was going to be a long afternoon. He looked over at his bar, just one glass couldn't hurt? He would be good long before he had to go get you.

Well... Lucifer underestimated how nervous he was, one glass became two, two became four, and by the time it was time for him to go pick up up, he was having a hard time even standing up without swaying. Lucifer looked down at his left hand, and remembered he still had it on. He quickly took it off and put it next to his bathroom sink, touched up his hair, pointing finger guns at himself in the mirror and get set up to go get you. It took him a couple of minutes to get the portal activated and popped in your room, a few minutes later than usual.

You had started to get a little nervous, he had never been late before, but it was ok, he was allowed to be late. That is when he stumbled through the portal and into your room, almost knocking into you.

"Oh! There you are! You are always so prompt, I got a little worried haha," you laughed, straightening him out.

He looked up you, and then he melted into a lovesick smile, "Haha, golly, I'm s-sorry Duckie, the portal was being dumb, haha." He slurred, "I'mmm here now, haha. You ready to go?"

You cocked your head to the side and smiled, "Haha ya, you ok, Luci?"

"Of course my darling!" he said, wrapping an arm around your waist, before tapping his cane on the floor a couple of times, grumbling, before popping back to the manor. Lucifer looked over his cane in one hand, the other arm still remaining around your waist mumbling something about his stupid cane before looking at you, his face melting into happiness again.

"I'll fix it laterrr, hi theree, how are you? You look great todayy," he said hugging you and snuggling into you. You hesitantly hugged him back, you weren't convinced that something happened that day, he was being... more affectionate but... in a weird way. Was... was he drunk?

"Uh... ya I'm good. Busy day of clients, nothing crazy. What about you? Are you sure you are ok? You seem... different today," you said carefully.

Lucifer had no idea how he was coming off, he didn't realize how drunk he was, he had forgotten about the last two drinks in all of his anxious spiraling. "Oh ya, today was great! Sins meeting, paperwork, all went by preeeeetty quickly. Oh hells! Guess what? I was talking to Asmodeus, sin of Lust, right? Dude got a boyfriend! Crazy right? Well... not that he is dating his hook-up, but that the Sin of Lust found love! Oh shit... I wasn't s'pposed to say that. Don't tell anyone, k?"

You nodded, smiling, "Oh ya, that is funny. Not everyday that mindless sex turns into something meaningful, right? Especially in Hell with a Sin like that? But of course, I didn't hear anything" You nodded.

'Oh fuck! That's not what I meant, ughhh that's not what I wanted her to get from that.' he thought.

"I mean! I love the Sins, they always surprise me with ways will people that you never thought they would," he said with a nervous smile.

You played a long with a nervous smile, you didn't know why he was being so nervous and not just telling you want was wrong. But if it was that bad, he would probably burst at some point and then you could be there to support him again. You hated when something was stressing him out, but it made you feel good to feel needed. So you would play along for the night and wait.

"Ya! I totally gotcha! Just like the sinners at Charlie's hotel, even the Sins are able to grow and change," you said with a sweet smile.

Lucifer smiled his love drunk smile, 'Good, fixed it, that was close. She is so beautiful and smart, I love how she words things sometimes.'

Other than Lucifer's apparent intoxication, and him sometimes sneaking off to grab another drink to keep up the buzz, your night was no different than it normally was with Lucifer only... more affectionate? You were really confused, because everything about his behavior was staying something was wrong or that he was hiding something, but other than that he was being very sweet, a little more touchy than usual, which you were fine with, he was allowed to touch you however he wanted of course.

Oh! Maybe that was it! Maybe he was wanting to try being more sexually intimate again and he was just so nervous because of the last time! You wanted to be careful because he was drunk, and you still felt that consent was important, but leaning deeper into his pets and soft touches was not an issue as you snuggled watching tv. At one point, you even placed a hand on his thigh, and he melted into your touch.

As true at that was, for Lucifer overall, that was not his goal for the night. There were so many moments when he thought about just saying that he wanted to talk about his feelings, telling you how much he loved you and wanted you to be part of his life, outside of hiring you, and he wanted to know how you felt. But the stupid words just would not come, and all he could do was compliment you and touch you, playing with your hair and stroking your soft skin. He felt you start to lean more into his touch, and even putting your hand on his leg, ugh, he was going to die.

Eventually, Lucifer had wasted enough time and it was finally time to go to bed. As you two were getting ready for bed, he kept repeating in his head 'JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING! YOU NEED TO TELL HER OR ELSE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND!'

You had gone into his bathroom to wash your face, and you noticed the ring sitting on the side of the sink. Huh, weird, had Lucifer not been wearing his ring all day? Or did he just usually take it off at night and you only just now noticed? You shrugged, and walked to the bed to get ready for bedtime. You got under the covers and waiting for Lucifer, who was still sitting on the side of the bed staring out.

You were about to reach over to touch his arm and ask if everything was alright, but at that moment, Lucifer snapped. He looked at you, eyes full of desire, and jumped on top of you, pinning you to the bed under him. He just stared down at you, breathing heavily. This both excited and frightened you a little, this wasn't like him.

"Lucifer, what is goin-" you started.

"I love you!" he finally spat out. "I love you and I want you!"

You eyes went wide as you stared up at him.

WHAT.

No, you must have misheard. He... loves you? But you were a nothing? A nobody? Sure you had helped him but... wait, was this a roleplay? Or was this real? Did he actually mean "love" like lust, or like Capital L Love? You ran through every single element of your relationship with Lucifer that both supported and refuted his statement in mere seconds, fact and opinion, memories that you couldn't remember if you were now twisting to validate something more romantic of him than it actually was. Things hotel people had said, the way he had cared for or protected you. Was that actually because he loved you, or did he just want to protect his financial investment? Was this a sick joke?

Lucifer loomed above you, waiting for you response, looking like a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. God he looked so hot, you wanted him to just sink himself into you. No! Stop. You couldn't think quick enough. What should you do? Do you play into it and risk being wrong about what he means here, or do you reject him and wait until he is sober to talk through this with him? If this was a normal person, you would take the risk, but with him... You think about the man now suffering in an eternal loop of torture, you think about the ring on the sink that tied him still to Lilith, you think about how small and insignificant you were in comparison to this beautiful angelic being above you.

No. As much at it hurt, you could not risk reading this situation wrong.

Lucifer had started to lean down to try to kiss you, when you shouted, "No!" and pushed him off of you. In Lucifer's intoxicated state, he was slow to respond, so you were able to easily able to put him off of you before jumping out of bed, tears already streaming down your face.

'No?' he thought, 'What did she mean "no"'?' he thought. Lucifer sat up and looked at you staring at him, heavily breathing and crying. What had he done?

"I... I'm sorry... I don't... I have to think... I don't... I don't want to be wrong, or hurt you, I don't know what to do, what is the right thing t-to do," you choked through tears.

Lucifer started to reach out to you, "Wait... Duckie..."

"No... Lucifer," you started grabbing your stuff to go, "I'm sorry, I need to think about this... I can't do this while you are so drunk... I'll see you later, ok?" You ran out of Lucifer's room, down the long hallway, and out of the manor. You weren't going to even try the driver, you didn't want Lucifer to have the chance to stop you. You would run all the way back home.

"Duckie... (y/n)..." he said before sinking into his bed.

What had he just done?

_____________________________________________________________

You would run for a long time, crying all the way, not caring who saw you, until you got all the way home. You busted into the Lounge, trying to run through up to your room. But guess who stopped you in your path? Cynthhhhia.

"What's the matter crybaby? That big money daddy of yoursssss not give you a big enough tip tonight so you ran home crying?" she snarled at you, grabbing your arm.

"Fuck off Cynthhhhia, just leave me alone!" you said trying to pull you arm out of her grasp, and in retaliation Cynthhhhia instead wrapped her tail around your leg and then let your arm go, making you fall on your face. The patrons and girls in the rooms gasped, this was humiliating.

"How about you make me, bitch! Ya know, I'm sssssso ssssssick of you being Larry'sssss favorite and getting all the good clientssss, while I get jack shit! It's time you learned a lessssson, you ungrateful little bi-"

"Cynthhhhia! That is enough out of you!' Larry screamed. The room parted between him and you both. "Drop her now, and get over here. Gemma, go check on (y/n), will ya?"

Cynthhhhia huffs and lets you go aggressively, and makes her way over to Larry as one of your Lounge friends, Gemma, came over and checked on you. You told her that you just wanted to go to your room, Gemma helped pick you up and half-carried you up to you room while Larry chewed out Cynthhhhia.

"What in the nine circles is wrong with you?! I have had to talk to you about your behavior with customers so fucking many times, now assaulting another girl?! I wanna hear what makes you think this behavior is ok? I don't care if we are in hell, I am not having any fucking cat-fights in here, and you know that!" Larry scolded Cynthhhhia.

"Wha- I... Ugh! Why does she get all the good clientssss! You are clearly playing favoritessss or she is tipping you off or something. I am not getting paid nearly what I was sssssince she showed up. Why am I not getting any high rollersssss?!" Cynthhhhia snarled.

"Well maybe if you put as much energy into your clients as you do going after girls like her, maybe you would have people who wanted to utilize your services. You do not seem to understand the fact that I am not giving you to high rollers because you are turning customers away with your behavior, or they are asking not to work with you anymore!" Larry yelled.

Cynthhhhia gasped, and looked around the room to see other girls and patrons laughing at her, "That's not true!"

"Like it or not, Cynthhh, that is the reality. And since you still don't seem to be getting it, I'm going to give you one more chance to redeem yourself, and if you fuck it up, you are out do you hear me?" Larry said pointedly.

Cynthhhhia tipped her head down in defeat, "Fine, what is it?"

Larry moved to meet her gaze, "Three days, on the phones scheduling appointments for the other girls, no tips."

"But-" Cynthhhhia started.

"It's the phones or you're out, got a problem with that?" Larry glared.

Cynthhhhia pouted, "No sssssir..."

"Good, now, off the floor with you, you are done for the night, I will see you down here at 10 am sharp," Larry then turned and headed to go up the stairs to the apartments.

You had made it upstairs with Gemma, she had asked if you wanted her to stay, but you said no. You just wanted to be alone. Several minutes later, you would be a knock on the door and a "Babydoll? It's Larry."

You sniffled and sat up, "Come in."

Larry opened the door and sighed, "God she is a right bitch, I don't know why I keep her around at this point. Now, what happened?" he closed the door behind him, "I'm not used to you having any issues with Lance."

"It... I don't even know how to explain. He was kinda drunk, he wasn't acting like himself, he didn't hurt me, but he told me something and... because he was intoxicated... I didn't know how to react. He's... got a fair amount of influence... I worried what would happen if I misunderstood the situation. So I panicked, I ran. I'm sorry if he called to complain or anything." You said looking down, covering your face with your hands.

Larry thought for a minute, "Rough situation, intoxicated clients can make things hard. Most wouldn't care, but you have been working with him for a while, it made sense that you would want to stay in good standing with him and not want to fuck that up. Are you worried about future actions? Do you need me to put him on you "No Kiss List"?"

"No, no. Nothing like that..." you sigh and run your fingers through your hair, "I just... I think I just need some time to think... would I possibly be able to take some time off?"

Larry scratched his chin, "Well... I don't know, Babydoll. I could do a day or two, but much past that... I need you, you bring in a lot of money..."

You sighed, "Give me two days and I'll pay for two more of my own days time? That sound fair?"

Larry thought for a moment, "Deal. What do you want me to tell your regulars?"

You sighed, "Just tell them I'm going on a quick rejuvenating vacation, and that their girl will be back for them before they know it." It will worry Lucifer, but you needed the space, you didn't want to say or do anything to fuck up the relationship any more than it already had by you running from him that night.

"Can do." You give Larry the payment for two days on your own time and he leaves your room. "Take care of yourself, babydoll," he says closing the door. You are alone again.

You take your phone out, scroll for a bit before finding a hotel and a ride to the other side of the Pentagram from both the Lounge and Lucifer for the morning, and booked them for as early as possible. You just needed some time away to figure out what to do and to figure out how you were going to respond to Lucifer.

You tried to fall asleep that night, but sleep never came. You spent the rest of the night replaying the situation in your head. Did he really mean it? That he loved you? Did he actually care about you and want you in his life? Or was it all a trick? Why would he say that to you?

The next morning, you packed up, got in your cab and disappeared on your 4 day escape to other side of the Pride RIng, hoping that when you returned, you would have the answers.

______________________________________________________________

That same morning, Lucifer would wake up with a light headache, crumpled in a weird position on his bed. Where were you? Why was he sleeping so weird? The previous night was fuzzy, damn, he had overdone it on the alcohol... Had you just left? That was not like you. What happened?

He got up, put on a robe, and started to walk around the manor, looking for anything that might jog his memory of what happened the night before. Everything looked normal, and all he could remember was the conversation with Ozzie, being a little tipsy getting you, and feeling nervous. The later into the night he thought, the fuzzier everything got. He ended up back in his bedroom for hours racking his brain. He wished he had a way to contact you, to ask you want happened, and you try to figure it out with you.

A while later his cellphone started to ring, he looked at the number and his groggy eyes went wide, it was the Lounge. This was the first time that the Lounge had called him. He picked up the phone and put on his "Lance" voice.

"Uh, hello! This is Lance, what can I do for you?" Lucifer said in a deeper and huskier voice.

"Yes, hello, this Luxurious Lady's Lounge, how are you doing thissss afternoon?" Said Cynthhhhia as pleasantly as she could over the phone. She had done well playing nice on the phone all morning, so now Larry was leaving her to call all of your cancelations for the next 4 days.

"Oh you know, just living the dream!" Lucifer responded. Christ... why did he say that?

"That issss wonderful to hear. We jussssst wanted to let you know that your next appointment for tomorrow evening with (y/n) will be canceled. She will out of town for a little bit," Cynthhhhia said through a fake smile.

Lucifer felt a sense of dread go through his body, 'Out of office? So suddenly?' "Oh! Well thank you for letting me know, I hope she is alright, she is quite a gem, haha."

Cynthhhhia's jaw tightened, "Oh yessss, she just needed to essssscape on a quick rejuvenating vacation." Cynthhhhia looked around to see if Larry was around, he was nowhere, and the office was pretty empty, she smiled, "... Isssss what they want me to tell you, but I don't want to lie to a man like you, Mr. Lanccccce."

Lucifer's heart beat fast in his chest, "Haha, what do you mean?"

"The truth of the matter isssss... you've been put on (y/n)'s "No Kisssss List".... basssssically a ban from being able to work with her," Cynthhhhia said with a wicked smile.

Lucifer froze on the other side of the phone. Banned. She banned you. Months of joy and beauty between you two, severed in an instant. Lucifer felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I'm ssssso ssssorry to break the newssss to you like thissss. She just came back from a.... recent interaction telling usssss she... oh what was it, "Couldn't handle the bullshit anymore" isssss I think how she put it. But we have plenty of other ladiesssss that would be willing to take her sssspot if you'd like," Cynthhhhia continued, looking around for Larry again, still nothing, good.

"That's... disappointing to hear. I thought we had a good connection," Lucifer said flatly into the phone.

"Oh she issss really good at that, a good little actressssss but honessssstly a bit prissssssy and shallow under it all, trussssst me, I'm around her all the time. A real heartbreak, I ssssswear, I bet she would even break the King'sssss heart if she had a chance," Cynthhhia said laughing.

Lucifer saw red with that comment, 'What did she mean by that? Did you tell? Did they actually know it was me? Was that just a figure of speech?' His name got thrown around a lot, so he had no idea in this moment, it just felt really personal at that moment.

"I see, thank you for the information," Lucifer said before hanging up.

Cynthhhhia growled at the sound of the dead line, before putting down the phone, and making a note that "Lance" had been notified of a cancelation and would call back if he wanted to reschedule. Cynthhhhia then moved on to the next of you client's, feeling pleased with herself. If she couldn't have a a high roller, at least she could take out one of your big money daddies.

Lucifer laid back in his bed and tossed his phone over to the side. Everything he had feared happening had come true. Everything he had built with you was gone, and worse, maybe even a lie. He did not want to believe that what you had was a lie, but maybe he was just that stupid after all. He wanted to show up to your room and talk to you, but he couldn't. If he had hurt you or maybe you really were some shallow bitch... maybe this was for the best...

Lucifer crawled back in bed and stayed there for the rest of the day and into the night. He would respect your wishes.

Lucifer would never ask see you ever again.

______________________________________________________________

Can we see why I gave a warning on one last twist? I broke my own heart writing this. I'm so sorry. I promise it will end up ok in the end though for these two. xoxo, dany As usual, leave a comment if you want added to the taglist so that you can get notifications when future chapters drop! Taglist: @froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @lilzebeth @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @aquaamethyst96 @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim

[fox-bee926]

Who did this?

Harvey Specter x fem!reader

Masterlist A/N: Wow another one? I'm going to do one more after this and then answer an ask and put all my harvey fics on one post. Then after that who knows. I have an awesome aragorn x reader fic I've been playing around with so I might work on that. Definitely going to try and do more one shots to improve my writing. I really enjoy it but depression makes it a tad hard. Anyways! Enjoy! TW: **This story focuses on the physical abuse between the Reader character and her boyfriend. I am not responsible for the content you consume so please be advised. There are explanations of abuse, but no explicit scenes of abuse occurring.** abuse (physical and emotional), hurt/comfort, Harvey being very sweet, mention of painkillers but I'm talking like 2 tylenol or ibuprofen or something Word Count: 2.5k

You run across the street to the Pearson Hardman office building, just about soaking wet. All that protected you from the rain was a newspaper you bought right outside your building. You prayed all the way to work that it wouldn’t just completely break under the force of the rain. You had spent almost thirty minutes on makeup, twenty five more minutes than you usually spend. To go along with that, you couldn’t find an available taxi because of the rain. Not even the pain in your shoulder had let up, despite taking a couple painkillers.

Your boyfriend had gotten a bit angry with you last night after you went out socializing with some friends. It wasn’t your smartest move. You knew he didn’t like you to hang out with your guy friends without his permission. But you didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The feelings of your heart conflicted with your rational mind. All you know is you love him and he loves you. Which is why he gets upset when you go out without him. But then why wouldn’t he make time to go out with me alone?

You shook those thoughts out of your head as you swiped your card into the building. You took the time in the elevator to dry off with your sweater. Which was consequently soaked. Curses rang out in the elevator- cursing the sweater, the weather, your boyfriend, you didn’t know.

You sat down in the chair next to Donna and exchanged greetings. “How are we looking today, Donna?” You smiled as you saw Harvey sitting in his office. The only person getting into the office earlier than him was Donna.

“Full day as always. Oh, Jonathan from accounting asked for Harvey to look at his expense accounts for this last month. He won’t of course- but as long as they get to Harvey’s desk, Jon won’t speak another word about it until the next thousand dollar dinner with a client.” Donna goes back to typing rapidly on her computer. 

“And then the cycle continues,” You let out a hearty laugh for the first time since you left work last Friday. “I’ll get on that. Anything else while I’m in accounting?” You gather up different file folders that you need to take down to accounting anyway.

“Nope, say hi to Mr. Expense Forms for me!”

“Will do, Donna.”

You quickly walk to the elevator and down to the accounting department for Jonathan's expense reports. Harvey is still in the same spot as he was when you left as you open the door to his office. You make sure to open the door with your left arm, with the papers in your right. 

“I got a delivery for Harvey Specter from Mr. Jonathan Expense Forms from accounting. Fuming as always. You might want to lay off the fancy dinners for a week.” Harvey rolls his eyes at the notion.

“Sweetheart, you think I’m that good at my job that I don’t need fancy dinners to win over clients? You must think very highly of me.” He chuckles smugly as he writes words you can barely read on a legal pad. You deal his snark back just the same.

“Of course I think you’re good. You’re my boss, I’m legally obligated to think so.” You both laugh until you reach with your right arm to set the folder on his desk. You let out a noise just loud enough for Harvey to be concerned. 

“What happened to your shoulder?” 

“It’s nothing, I just fell.”

At this, Harvey looks up. You were never one to be clumsy, let alone fall so hard as to hurt yourself. As Harvey’s eyes assess you, he notices a large dark bruise on your wrist- both your wrists in fact. 

His silence worries you, and you follow his eyes to your wrists. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry-” You quickly try to pull your sleeves down to cover the spots. Remnants of rain water drove through the foundation. 

Harvey takes a few deep breaths as you stand there in shocked silence. For the smallest second, you think he’s going to hurt you. Rationally, you know the notion is absurd, but the mind that has dealt with angry men keeps you silent.

Harvey finally speaks after taking a minute to process the information he’s pieced together.

“Who did this to you?”

You’re taken aback, that small part of your mind thinking he would call you unprofessional or weak. “My... My boyfriend. He just gets a little annoyed with me sometimes. It’s truly nothing. I’ll do better to cover them-”

“A good man being annoyed never results in bruises. How did this happen?” Harvey has to go against every part of his nature not to rush out and ask Donna everything about this man, then subsequently find him. He’s thinking that those boxing lessons are actually going to come in handy.

But he knows he can’t. He knows that if he moves like that, or moves at all, he’d terrify you. He can see how your eyes dart around. Towards the door, towards your wrists, and towards himself. He didn’t know how you would react if he even stood up.

“I fell into a bookshelf. He pushed me a bit and I lost balance.”

“You mean he shoved you into a shelf.”

The way Harvey phrased it made you feel uncomfortable. “That’s a bit harsh, but you could phrase it like that.”

He stared at you in disbelief. This wasn’t the woman he saw on a daily basis. The woman that dealt with almost every slimy man that came into the building. The woman that he had slowly fallen in love with since she arrived here.

The woman before him seemed like a shell of the woman he met three years ago, and he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next.

“Do you know how you sound? You should never be bruised, shoved, or red eyed if you’re in love. That’s simply not how it is, and I’m sorry you’ve been made to believe that.”

At this, the dam broke.

Tears had been pooling in your eyes from the moment Harvey saw the bruises. But at his last words you let out a pained sob. It hadn't sunk in just how bad it had gotten. Your boyfriend had done this a few times before, but had never gotten so harsh until last night.

All the pain from the last year had come rushing in, and you were about to break right in front of your boss. Heavy tears started to run down your face. It was at this moment you were glad you never wore heavy makeup. You did your best to stifle the sounds and cries that tried to escape, but outside, Donna still saw through the glass. 

Immediately, Donna calmly walks in. She takes one look at you, then Harvey. With a single nod from Harvey, Donna lets out a quiet "Car is on its way."

Unfortunately that made you feel even worse. "I'm so sorry, Harvey. This is completely unprofessional-"

Harvey finally stands up and walks towards you. At this point, what you need isn't space. He places his hands as gentle as can be on your arms to coax you to look at him. And you do, but looking at your red eyes and wet tears streaming down your face up close make his heart break even more.

"I don't give a shit about professionalism. Donna is getting the car and my driver is going to take you home-"

"No! He's there, he's been trying to move in with me and doesn't have a day job. He's just been staying there..." Your sentence trails off as you’re trying to process what you’re actually saying. Are you really doing this?

"Okay, then my driver will take you to my place and give you a key. We'll talk about the next steps when I get home. I'll get you some things from your apartment, okay?"

The tears were gone purely by witnessing Harvey be so calm, and you nodded slowly. All you could do was follow the sound of his voice. Like a lighthouse in a raging storm. 

Donna entered the room quietly, "The car is here."

"Good. Donna will walk you out." You nodded, not saying a word. You turn to walk out of Harvey’s office, but he reaches out for your hand. “You’ll get through this, alright?”

You give a small smile. However, your mental state did not display the same sentiment. Your mind was reeling from what had happened in the last- what, 10? 15 minutes? 

Donna leads you out the back staircase as a gesture of mercy. She knew that you didn’t want anyone else to see you like this. Harvey wasn’t exaggerating his view of you. Everyone in the office saw you as an unbreakable force.

Harvey’s driver opens the door for you. You look back at Donna, who is smiling sweetly. “I promise, Harvey will take care of everything. The only thing you need to worry about is taking care of yourself, okay?” 

You gave Donna the same small smile you gave Harvey. You were at the edge of your sanity at this point. Now that you’ve gone through all the sadness and shock of the... situation, you were embarrassed. Angry. Angry at yourself for letting a man put his hands on you for a full year. Angry at Donna for knowing exactly what was going on and getting exactly what was needed. Angry at Harvey Specter for being so goddamn perfect that you couldn’t help the butterflies that always arose in your stomach whenever he talked to you. Angry at the world for putting you in this position.

Wordlessly, you exited the car once it stopped in front of Harvey’s building. You reached his apartment without thought. You took your heels off, and put your purse on the closest counter you saw. 

And you cried.

_______

 Harvey exited the elevator with a large box held in his hands. It was purely full of necessities. A week's change of clothes, toiletries, some books he knew were your favorite. Everything else he could buy new. He looked down and saw your heels on the ground and your purse on the table beside him.

Once he set down the box on the floor, he saw you. You looked even worse than at the office. Your beautiful hair was frizzy and pulled in odd directions. The worst part was the absolutely destroyed look on your face. Eyeshadow and liner were smudged on your red tinged eyes which stared into space in front of you. 

Harvey sees your body stiff as a board on the edge of his soft couch, seemingly ready to run at a moment’s thought. “Have you been sitting like that since you got here?”

“No. I’ve only just sat down.” Your arms leaned on your knees, hands folded in your lap.

Harvey tries to ignore the hoarse sound in your voice. “Well, you can relax a bit if you’d like. I got you some more comfortable clothes if you want to change.”

Your brows furrow as you think. “Did he give you any problems?” For the first time since he came in the front door you look at him. He was visibly more relaxed than he is in the office. His suit jacket was tossed on the coat rake next to the door and the sleeves of his dress shirt were neatly folded up his arms. He walked towards the kitchen to the freezer. 

“He didn’t get a chance. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you again.” He walks over to where you’re sitting on the couch and sets down an ice pack. His shirt was obviously wrinkled, and his knuckles held the slightest tinge of blue. The thought of Harvey hurting someone made your stomach flip, but you didn’t feel quite so bad for the receiving party.

“Let’s get some ice on that shoulder, huh?” He could tell you were still sensitive, but it felt more subdued than the scared woman he saw in his office.

You nodded in agreement about the ice pack. You hadn’t really stopped to think about it until he said something. As you unbutton your shirt to reveal your nude colored undershirt, you wince. The swelling of the bruise had gotten worse since you hadn’t taken anything for it. You hadn’t noticed the pain when you were crying, but now it just felt terrible.

“Let me help.” You give Harvey a look when the words come out of his mouth, a glimpse of that fiery woman that he knows. But you sigh and relent. You managed to undo a few buttons at least before Harvey steps in.

He unbuttons your shirt down to your stomach and pulls the shoulder of the shirt down just enough to slide the ice pack onto the skin. As soon as it’s securely placed between you and the couch, you let out a groan. In relief or pain, you don’t know. All you knew was that the cold felt absolutely wonderful on your swelled skin.

You and Harvey stay like that for a while, the exact amount of minutes you don’t know and neither does he. Harvey is the first to speak.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.” 

You give him a look that says “I wonder why, dumbass.” But you refrain. “I’m thinking.”

He finally sits next to you on the couch and reaches his arm to grasp the top of the cushions. In his mind he excuses it as getting more comfortable, but the opportunity to touch you is also a bonus. Harvey was not a man of wise words for comfort, moreso actions and touch.

In a singsong voice, trying to lighten the mood, he says “Whatcha thinkin’ about.”

You smile a true smile and look towards him. Then the thoughts in your head come rushing in and the smile falls from your face. “I’m thinking about how I’ve been with him for so long that I don’t know how to live my life without him. So much of my life has been conforming to his ideals, his feelings. How am I supposed to love and be loved after him? After I’ve split my soul into so many pieces that I’ve lost track of where they all are?”

Both of you sit in silence, not sure what to say.

“I was definitely not expecting that.”

“I am... extremely sorry I said that, please just ignore-”

“I wasn’t finished, sweetheart. Firstly, I think you should see a professional about these feelings. But in the meantime, we can work on that together.” Harvey smiles, but then falters. “I- I mean, if you want. I’m not trying to get in your pants, I promise, all I’m saying is that I’m here whenever and you can stay as long as you want and-”

“Thank you, Harvey. It means a lot to hear you say that.” You laugh at the sight of a flustered Harvey Specter.

“To paraphrase, you're not alone in this. Not ever.”

You reach over with your good arm and pull him into as much of a hug as you can muster. In return, he pulls you close. Neither of you ever want to leave.

[daytaker]

The Gang React to You Saying You Hate Them

As a disclaimer, I'm going to say that these are reactions to you saying it and meaning it, not just being silly or dramatic. However, I'm also kind of assuming in most cases that this is NOT you saying "I am terminating our relationship entirely and this hate thing is a permanent situation."

The rest of the characters are below the cut.

Lucifer

"Very well. You're entitled to your opinion."

Depending on the situation, he might just shrug it off. It isn't like he hasn't dealt with his fair share of unfair whining from people who are upset with him. It would probably take a pretty emotionally charged situation for him to actually take you seriously.

In that case, he probably wouldn't quite know what would be best to do. He'd give you your space, but generally speaking, his demeanor wouldn't be significantly different. If things remain tense for more than a few days, he'll probably attempt to do the mature thing and sit down with you for a conversation to talk through your differences.

Mammon

"Pfft! No ya don't!"

Stage 1. Denial. You're so full of it. You couldn't possibly hate him, the Great Mammon, the first demon you ever made a pact with. You're just blowing off some steam. You'll get over it in a minute or two.

Stage 2. Anger. It's been a minute or two. You aren't backing down. Well, whatever! He isn't gonna sit around and let some whiny human talk shit about him! So he's going to maturely stomp to his room and maturely slam the door and maturely turn up some music obnoxiously loud.

Stage 3. Bargaining. Brooding has done whatever good it might have done, so he'll start to think of ways to change your mind about hating him. He's really an awesome guy, so it shouldn't be that hard. Obviously, the best way to let someone know you care is by spending money on them. So he'll go out on the town with a credit card and max it out on objects that are very pretty and shiny but really aren't your taste. (The fact that Mammon's taste is not the same as everyone else's taste mystifies him.)

Stage 4. Depression. The shopping trip having earned him nothing but abuse from Lucifer, he'll spend some time cooped up in his room and mope and sulk but definitely not cry, because how pathetic do you think he is? He ain't cryin' over one puny human!

Stage 5. Acceptance? Wait just a minute. You're so full of it. You couldn't possibly hate him, the Great Mammon, the first demon you ever made a pact with. He should stop sulking and go talk to you. Definitely not to beg you to forgive him or anything, but maybe if you squinted, it might look like that. Please don't hate him. Please?

Leviathan

"...I guess I should have known."

This is one of the choices that leads you straight to a bad ending. Ignoring him is one thing. Teasing him is another thing. Snapping at him when you're annoyed hurts, but he can justify it. But if you tell Levi you hate him, it will take a monumental amount of effort to undo that damage.

He'll probably assume you've always hated him, and that your friendliness was all an act. He won't be willing to take you at your word if you if you try and tell him that you didn't mean it, because how is he supposed to know that you aren't lying this time?

Satan

If he's (relatively) calm:

"You don't actually mean that. You sound like a child."

His reaction is a little bit like Lucifer's in this case; he'll leave you alone for awhile and not try to keep up the conversation. He won't really believe you actually hate him either. But he is a lot more insecure than Lucifer, so there's a part of him that nags at him... What if they actually hate you? He'll probably be irritable and difficult to approach when those thoughts are especially prevalent. Unfortunately, this is the sort of situation where Satan is immobilized by conflicting thoughts on what's going on, so it will probably be up to you to start a conversation and talk about whatever happened.

If he's very angry:

"Get out of here if you don't want to get hurt."

Whether that's a threat or a warning can be up to interpretation. I imagine that, as the Avatar of Wrath, there's a part of him that feeds on hate, so if Satan was a different sort of character, he'd say something like 'You fool! You're only increasing my power level!' But Satan being Satan, he'll spend some time in whatever room you've left him in and trash it before he calms down, feels extremely ashamed, sulks and/or broods for awhile at a complete loss for how to fix things without rolling over and looking completely pathetic, and, quite possibly, works himself up into another burst of rage from sheer frustration.

Ultimately, he'll probably be more comfortable talking things out through texts than in person (or starting the conversation with a text, then speaking face to face).

Asmodeus

"Hahaha... What...?"

He won't believe you for a second! Partly because, silly, of course you don't hate him, but also because his worldview does not allow for the possibility that someone he cares about might hate him. If he even considers the possibility that you might possibly, hypothetically mean it, he's in for an entire, earth-shattering identity crisis.

If you don't apologize pretty quickly or at least amend the statement to something he can accept, Asmo will head up to his room and hole up in there for awhile, obsessively tracking his social media accounts and pampering himself in the bathroom. You're lying, though. Look at this face! It's impossible to truly hate a face as beautiful as his.

Beelzebub

"Oh... Sorry..."

First he'll look like a deer in the headlights, and then he'll look like a kicked puppy. If he understands what led you to say this, he'll try and fix it, but if he doesn't, he will... (Select an answer below.)

A) Play video games with Levi. B) Go clubbing with Asmo. C) Eat. D) Learn to break dance.

If you guessed C) Eat, then you've been paying attention during your Obey Me! lessons.

And honestly. Honestly! Why would you say something like that? Maybe he's not your favorite brother, but we all know it's simply not possible to actually hate Beel. We all know you're full of it. So knock it off.

Belphie

"...Beel, did you hear something?"

Yep, Belphie is going to pull out all the pettiness he can scrounge up. He believes that the best defense is a good offense, and he's a pro. He'll act haughty and unbothered, ignoring you and looking entirely unbothered between sulking sessions under the covers.

Pettiness aside, you have, knowingly or otherwise, tapped into a source of deep anxiety in your relationship with Belphie. He has not forgotten the whole...incident that took place when you freed him from the attic. He knows that, reasonably, you probably should hate him, and it's amazing to him that you don't seem like you do.

Once tempers have cooled, it might be worthwhile to talk over what happened back then, just the two of you. It was pushed aside too quickly, and you both probably have things you wish you'd said.

Diavolo

"It seems I've upset you. Please know that I never meant to offend you."

He'll see that you're angry with him and give you your space, but he won't be as torn up about this as some of the others. Why? He simply won't believe you.

He has seen your soul, and it is not the soul of a hater.

Barbatos

"Oh?"

Yeah, get in line. Considering the amount of time travel shenanigans this guy has probably pulled, I have no doubt he has amassed more than his fair share of enemies. More than that, he already knows this is just you blowing off steam. Like Diavolo and Lucifer, this is just water off a duck's back.

Although, depending on how irritated he's feeling at the time of the incident, he may or may not wear a smirk as he gives his noncommittal response. Barbatos might be the man with the multiverse in the palm of his hand, but he is not above being petty. Watch your back for a few days.

Solomon

"Ah... It seems I've hit a nerve! I think I'll give you some time to cool down."

He'll back off and leave you to manage your anger in peace. Then he'll settle in to focus on some project or another that requires his undivided attention. He doesn't want to deal with all the unpleasantness that your words stirred up. Honestly, didn't he get past this sort of thing a few centuries ago? What's a little spat between friends? You don't actually hate him; not after all he's done for you. He can't possibly be feeling insecure...?

Nope, all he's feeling is itchy because of the toxic gas that's starting to pour out of his cauldron. He should open a window.

The Angels

I can't even do Simeon and Luke, because they'd both just be so confused and sad that I'm not sure where I'd go with it besides scolding you for being a bully. You don't just say "I hate you" to angels who are either extremely sweet and attractive or actual children.

[koolades-world]

Helloooo it's me again back with another obey me request :)

Could I get the Demon bros with a depressed MC? I'm having a rough time rn and I just need some comfort but ofc feel free to ignore if u don't do requests like these!!

Have a nice day/night!! ♡☆♡☆♡

hi! of course! sorry I'm so late on this!!! also love your pfp (huge pjsekai fan)

Part of the reason I took so long is because I just didn’t know where to start

I love the demon bro I wanna squeeze them like a squishmellow and they’ve gotten me thorough some tough stuff

it's hard for me to articulate anything relating to depression just because I struggle to open up about it especially after my diagnosis. I don’t think anyone except my mom knows only because she was in the room at the time, and all you guys now of course haha

sorry if that was worded so weird and if anything below is worded weird but it’s just hard for me to find words to put together how I’m feeling but writing is my therapy so thank you for this request :)

Brothers with a depressed Mc

Lucifer

would def notice something was up right away from the first meeting, not because of how you acted, but just because it's Luci

once he officially found out, he made all arrangements needed right away

you need a few days off school? you got it, he's already talking to diavolo

you need a break from chores? you got it, he distributed the work among the rest of the family

there's only one thing you feel like eating? you got it, it's what everyone is eating for dinner

supportive in a quiet way, and does all sorts of little things to lighten the load

Mammon

as your first and best man, he acts as your knight and is willing to do anything to help you out

he tries his best to correct his own bad habits so you can work together on yourself

like, for example, if you struggle to get out of bed in the morning, he will get up and moving earlier so you can be up at the same time

nobody is perfect! he tells you this all the time because he knows how dark everything might seem sometimes

he partially understands how you feel since being the family punching bag for hundreds of years takes a toll on someone

he’s with you in every step of your journey, ups and downs, no matter what

Levi

he often has his own self deprecating thoughts, so he knows what you’re dealing with

everyone copes in their own ways but he hopes by sharing all the things he loves, he can bring some happiness

he shared everything with you, both his physical possessions and his thoughts

if you prefer to just sit together, he can do that, but if you want to talk about it, he will do his best to also share how he’s feeling

he wants you to be able to use him as a support system and as someone to fall back on

he always tries to bring a smile to your face and to be someone you trust, despite his own flaws

Satan

he shows you the little joys in life, the ones you might struggle or forget to see like sunsets and how the clouds change color with the sky, or how soft flower petals can be, or how a smile can change someone’s entire day

often he invites you out to places, for no reason at all so you can enjoy everything, especially the sun

he takes you on trips to the human world to visit your favorite places and occasionally see your favorite people if he’s allowed

he helps you with school work and takes the load when ever he can

if you asked him, he would do anything for you <3

Asmo

he always helps you out with your personal hygiene since often, that's what goes first

it's much easier to keep a routine if someone is doing it with you, and Asmo would never forget, so he help keep you on track

but, he's also not pushy about it. if you'll let him, he'll do some of the tasks for you, no strings attached

he's with you at your worst and best. he's not going anywhere

he's determined to be your personal cheerleader and will celebrate all the small things with you

Beel

at first, he's a little shocked at the changes in eating patterns, but supports you when ever and where ever you need it

if he knows there's only one food you will eat, he will physically restrain himself from eating it because he knows how much it means to you

exercise helps but he knows it's probably the last thing you want to do, so he helps you though little bits at a time and takes you out to get a reward afterwards

spending time with you makes him happy, so he figures it must be the same the other way around so he makes an effort to just be with you, even if its just sitting together while you do different things

often finds himself seeking you out just to ask how you are by instinct, proving what a sweetheart he is

Belphie

an interrupted or strange sleep cycle is something he would for sure notice

he becomes the biggest cuddle bug and will often give you sleepy kisses

when you're resting, he'll give you sweet dreams that will leave you feeling warm and fuzzy afterwards

he makes an effort to make the bed just how you like it, and before long makes it a habit to join you in your room for naps and bedtime

he doesn't mind if you wake up at weird time and will wait with you as long as you need to get up

thank you again for such the long wait! hope you enjoyed and hope you're feeling better now <333

[aurae-rori]

DR RATIO ANALYSIS: PART 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

SPOILERS FOR 2.1 CONTENT.

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you already did one, why do you need a second?" And my answer is, "LORD, I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW HIS DEFINITION OF 'IDIOT' IS DIFFERENT. AND ALSO HE DOES NOT HATE AVENTURINE NOR DOES HE THINK AVENTURINE IS STUPID." Once again, here is my disclaimer - although I have been researching psychology for a solid six years, I am NOT a professional. (I will be, one day. Just you wait, just youuuu wait-) So understand that everything I say has been analyzed with personal judgement, with my own conclusions, come to with logic and my personal interpretation. This is just what I have concluded, and you are always free to disagree.

This is my legacy. To be an analyzer. So let's go.

Okay, now that my disclaimer is over, let's take off Ratio's plaster head and chuck it into the sea, and see - what does he mean by 'idiot'?

This will be much shorter than my last, so don't worry - I will not be flashbanging you with another 4k words. This is more like a follow up, than anything else, because there's a few things I wish to touch on.

Dr. Ratio doesn't hate idiots in the sense that he hates people that have 'low IQ' or are 'stupid' in terms of being 'slow to understand'. I definitely touched on this in my last analysis, but he hates people who take their education for granted and don't go places with the gifts that they've been given. He hates "idiots" - "narrow minded" people who have the capabilities to do more and perceive more than they choose to do. People who deliberately look away or take what they know and what they could do for granted. He wants to open people's eyes and allow them to see life from multiple different angles and he believes that everyone should have a chance to learn - with the whole "knowledge for everyone" thing he's got rolling.

He wears a plaster head around people he doesn't seem to know too well in order to think more, or so that he doesn't have to see the faces of the people he dislikes. Pretty good roast. However, he does NOT wear that plaster head around Aventurine. Let's listen to the doctor's judgement - Aventurine is far from stupid. Although he likes to chalk up a lot of the things he does to his own luck, he is an INCREDIBLY capable individual who's managed to get this far because of his own form of genius. He's a man who relies on chance and good fortune, yes, but his charm, his way of scheming, and the way that he's good with people? That's skill. A talent he doesn't take for granted. Dr. Ratio respects him for this - because despite the fact that he has no proper education, he has his eyes wide open to the world and doesn't take shit for granted. He learns what he can in order to survive and he does it fucking well - Aventurine is a very smart man. He's observant, quick on his feet, and great at going with the flow and thinking in the moment.

Aventio aside, I actually believe that Dr. Ratio would be a really good teacher to those who struggle. He's patient where it's needed to be, even if he's got a quick temper, and I believe in his pursuit for knowledge he would do his best to go out of his way to find strategies that would work for their individuals. We're all unique, and he's aware of this - and because he wants to allow people to think for themselves, whatever helps the individual works. Depression? He's got a psych degree, I'm sure bro could give you some strategies. Autism? He has a touch of the 'tism himself. ADHD, and not feeling organized? Bro will help you. It's canon that he's a great fucking teacher - those who finish his classes go on to become successful people who are intelligent and critical thinkers. Round of applause for Ratio, the man that kins my father. He's shit at emotions, but great at knowledge.

Also, on that note, I believe that he would most likely hate parents that push thier "gifted" students to the limit without any compassion for the person that they really are. He's most definitely got some of that academic trauma so I believe that bro holds a secret disdain for parents who just use their children to gain more recgonition. Well, not so secret. He'd cuss them out. (Ratio please cuss out the horrible parents.)

Dr. Ratio, the Teacher ever. (Hey, maybe he'd get along with Kunikida...)

Also, I am definitely planning on making a fic where he teaches Aventurine Latin. As long as you're eager to learn and willing to look past the chalk being thrown, he's got a place for you.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I did not read this through, so this is not edited. Take my unedited rambles.

[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

[mysinsforventi]

~💜~ If I'm your truth, can you be my lie? ~💜~

~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~

dom! Lyney x sub! f. reader

(reader ISN'T traveler!!)

+ 18 (minors DNI!!!) (all characters in this are adults!)

(This was written before 4.1 release! Characters are not canon! Just my AU!)

Warnings:

(THERE IS A LOT!!): not canon (ooc), a bit of arlecchino x lumine at the end (just minor) , angst, smut, dark themes, cursing, manipulation, gaslighting, pedophile noble man, drugging minors, kidnapping, trauma, death/ murder, lying , self hatred, betrayal, anxiety, depression, identity issues, anger issues, rough sex, nipple/clit clips, anal sex, vibrator, double penetration, master-kink, breeding, creampie, overstimulation, name-calling, discrimination, spanking, a bit voyeurism?, dirty talk, teasing, oral sex both, fingering, reader crying (out of pleasure), hickeys, bitemarks, possesive behavior, obsession, fatui lyney, bit yanderer lyney, (let me know if I forgot something!!)

About:

As lumine's & paimon's travel companien you had the luck of seeing a lot of things, meeting a lot of people. There was never a time you were not grateful for beeing so close with the legend traveler. That all changed after entering fontain. Fontain the nation of justice. It changed you forever. All because a special magican boy has his eyes on you. Showing a huge amount of interest in you.

Neither of you knew, you were all just puzzle pieces of a much bigger game. Well one person knew.. or is it all just a lie? Then what is the truth? Can you be HIS truth? After all he is YOUR lie. Will the traveler lose another important person or win another good friend? Who is the mastermind behind these events? Who is 'the knave' really? Who is betraying who?

Blinded by a lie you try to find the truth. What a great magic trick. Creating a lie for you. Actually you were blinded by the truth, trying to find a lie..

~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~

(I noted were the nsfw part starts and where it ends, because the ff is so long! ♡ )

(Another fanfic I'll go to hell for! I'm acutally very proud of this one lmao! Please enjoy~♡)

~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~

Fontain, the nation of justice. Lumine and paimon, your best friends and you just arrived here. You had overcome many difficulties since your first days in mondstadt. So you walked with confindence along the habor of fontain. Yet neither of you had any idea that this would be your last journey together. That the nation of justice would take something else from the traveler. The only hope, besides her good friend paimon, she still had left. What tragedy..

"I heard that here in fontain they use all kind of different machines!", paimon explained, floating infront of the both of you. You looked at the huge waterfall and smiled amazed, "What a sight!! Did you ever see something like this on your travels lumine?", you asked curiously, looking over at your friend. The traveler nodded her head as she smiled, "One time there was a huge waterfall that moved backwards. The people used to keep whales as their pets and ride on them~", lumine explained while giggeling to herself. "W-WHALES??", paimon asked shocked. You glared at lumine, "You are messing with me right?!", as you laughed. "What?! And paimon trusted you!!", your floating friend pouted, stumping her foot in the air. This made all of you laugh, "noo the betrayal!!~~", you added in a dramatic voice and laughed more.

After you calmed down you decided to talk to a girl looking into the water for a while. Scared she would jump in. "Are you alright?", paimon asked the girl. "Huh? Oh! Yes I'm fine, thanks for asking!", the girl said, continueing to stare into the water. "We don't mean to bother you it's just you looked worried so we wanted to ask if everything is okay?", paimon tried again. "Please don't jump! This might be weird coming from a stranger but it's not worth it!", you added, looking worried, mentally getting ready to jump in after her.

The girl finally turned around to you, "I wasn't going to jump. There is no reason to worry. I was just looking at a hill were my brother and I played as kids", she said, smiling a bit softly at you before going back to this emotionless expression of hers. Did she just smile? No you must be seeinh things, all this way through the dessert must've messed with your head.

"Well hello there, I don't think we had the pleasure of meeting yet? Are you lynettes new friends?", a boy, looking very much the same as the girl asked, walking towards us. "No we just wanted to ask if everything is okay and got to talking", you answered with a smile, "even tho we don't got what she was saying..", paimon added, lumine nodded with a gently smile. "Mhh I see thats odd. Usually lynette never talk much, especially not with strangers. The only one she ever talks is with me. I'm lyney and thats my sister lynette~", the boy, lyney said with a bright smile on his lips. "Nice to meet you lyney and lynette, I'm y/n, the travelers companien", you said, "paimon is paimon and thats the traveler", she smiles at the twins before us.

"Y/n what a magical name..", lyney laughed and looked in your eyes with a soft gaze. You smiled back and giggeld, "Thank you lyney, your name reminds me of sugar, it sounds sweet~". Lyney blushed at that and coughed. This made lynette laugh quietly. You giggled as lumine and paimon just hit their hand on their heads.

Back then you didn't even realise how much impact this moment had. This interaction between all of you. The soft gaze, the warm, charming smile, the sweet words leaving his mouth that lyney gave you. The caring looks, the short, happy smiles, the purring that lynette gave you. You had no idea what that would mean in the future..

"The opera house? Sure let's go there later I just have to take care of something here first", lyney said, looking at the traveler with a smile.

Would you look at that.. it's not the same smile he gives you. You never noticed... He always treats you different from the travler somehow?? Not that you were jelaous but you never noticed this fact about lyney. Does he do this with all people? You wondered.

You all walked towards the aquabus. It was such a nice view from up here. The aquabuses looked so cool. Music was ringing through some speakers. You listened to it as you sat on the aquabus, waiting for it to move. The song was an interesting one. Yet sadly you couldn't understand the whole lyrics of it. But it went something like this:

//

… I'm sorry that I did this

The blood is on my hands

I stare at my reflection

I don't know who I am

Practice my confession

In case I take the stand

I'll say I learned my lesson

I'll be a better man

… I'm packing up my things

And I'm wiping down the walls

I'm rinsing off my clothes

And I'm walking through the halls

I did it all for her

So I felt nothing at all

I don't know what she'll say

So I'll ask her when she calls.

//

"Do you like this song?", lyney sat down next to you, blocking your view of the speakers. A warm smile on his face. You nodded, "It sounded good. I just wished I could've understood the lyrics some more but it echeos here so much haha", you giggeled, looking at lyney. He laughed to and pulled a card from his sleeve only to show it to you, "Sometimes the deeper you look the less enjoyable something gets my dear. Try to enjoy the song for the melody not for it's meaning. Happiness suits you better then a confused stare~", with that the magican threw the card into the air only to make a rose appeare. "Look what I have here for you~ So that what was hiding in my hat~", lyney gave the rose to you and smiled.

You paused as your eyes widened. Thanks to your boyfriend lyney you knew all cards and what the meant. Back then you couldn't have noticed but now.. the card that he showed you was a reversed magican!  The reversed magician is a master of illusion. The magic that he performs is one of deception and trickery. You may be lured in by the showmanship of his arts, but behind that there may be an intention to manipulate for selfish gain...

Why did he show you this card? Has it something to do with the song you heard?

Looking at all the pictures of your photos together you still didn't think lyney was the murderer. Someone else must've framed him! You stood up as you walked outside of your teapot room, "lumine? I couldn't find anything either! I really don't think lyney would do such a thing you know!..", you sounded sad, upset. The traveler came to you to hug you, "We will prove your boyfriends innocence y/n! Don't worry okay?~", she smiled caressing your back. It has been almost 2 months since lyney and you were official dating. Yet it felt like two days since you two met. It is crazy. But you are so in love with him, your feelings for him were strong. So of course you would help him if he was accused of murder and had to stand trail! Lyney is a innocenct, good soul!

Or at least so you thought..

~ 💜 ~ The Trail ~ 💜 ~

You sit there, in the court, in the crowd, watching lyney's trail. Even if you just started dating not to long ago, you didn't believe a single thing that was said against him. Lyney was a kind soul, he would never do, such things! That was what you thought in the beginning of the trail. But now.. you weren't so sure anymore.. are you hurt? Is it the shock? You looked to your traveler friend, lumine. She seemed shocked as well, even more than you. For her it must be even worse than for you..

"Aren't you, mr lyney & you, mrs lynette both part of the house of the hearth?!", furina, the hydro archon just asked. A question that didn't really wanted to click in your head. Lyney? House of the hearth? Fatui? Bad person? There was so much going on in your head, yet your mind was completly blank. What did this mean?

After a few seconds you understood. You understood very well. But.. it has to be a missunderstanding right? Lyney would never..

"Answer my question mr. lyney!", the chief justice, nevieultte asked. Silence. You looked up to lyney, hoping to see a look of shock on his face. But there wasn't.. It looked more like.. guilt? Sadness? Maybe both? Clearly he feels bad that people think that way about him right? Poor lyney he really doesn't deserve this! "Yes your honor, it's the truth!", lyney answered with a serious look on his face.

Your breath stopped for seconds. The same words echoed in your mind. It is true? How did you never notice? Did he use you to get to know the traveler better? You looked up to your friend, lumine. She also looked down to you. Her face said it all.. hurt, disappointed, sad for you. But lumine quickly realised by just looking at you that you didn't know either.

Your heart hurted. Was it all just a lie? Maybe he never liked you.. it was all just a 'script' as furina put it? Actually you didn't know why you are so shocked. You kind of suspecte he hid something from you. You guessed right so why the hard feelings? The answer is simple really, because you are blinded by love. You fell right into his charm, into his trap, his illusion. Even now, your heart tells you it will be alright. He is a villain and? He murders people and? He is a liar and manipulator and? You still loved him! You always would no matter who he was or what he will become in the future. Caught in his charming web, no way of escape.

"Mr Lyney & Mrs Lynette are declared NOT GUILTY!!", finally the end of the trial was here. And you smiled, you were so happy. Even if lyney is a fatui at least he didn't hurt someone. Of course you still would ask for an explaination of him later! You still loved him after all, yet your trust issues are sending warn signals in your head through your whole body. Something still doesn't feel quiet right..

Looking up to lumine who just got ready to leave, you wondered, does she sense it too? Something is missing..

As trial ended you rushed over to your friend, lumine. She greated you with a soft hug and pats on the back. Oh.. she knew you were hurt. "Are you alright?", paimon asked, looking worried at you. You nodded while smiling softly, "It's going to be fine.. I'm sure lyney has his reasons! I want to hear his explainatiom first before jumping to conclusions!", you said towards your friends.

Not shortly after lyney & lynette ran after the traveler and you. It felt heartbreaking to see the way your friend acted towards the twins. Yet she had every reason to do so. After all she almost embarrassed herself infront of the hydro archon who maybe had information on her brother. Why would the hydro archon tell a criminals helper anything? Right?..

Still it hurted your soul to see the traveler leaving like that, "I'll see you later then!", lumine said to you as she left the opera house. So she DID sense it too! She knew something is off..

"Love, can we talk?", lyney asked you, sadness feeling his shaky voice. He is upset. The travelers reaction made him upset. The question is why.. because of his plans? Or does he really care?..

"Sure, where? Maybe somewhere more privat?", you asked with a gently smile towards the twins. "If it's okay.. would like to come back with us to.. um.. our home?", lyney asked, voice shaky, nervous. Is he scared you won't trust him? That you will say no? "Sure lyney let's go~", you smiled and nodded. There is a slim chance this could be a trap.. but oh well.. it's not like you couldn't fight yourself!

So you went back to the siblings house with them. "Sit down, would you like something to drink?", lyney asked with his usually cheerfull smile, but there was a pitch of sadness in his eyes. Sitting down on his bed you looked at him, "lyney why didn't you tell me?", you asked without taking your eyes from him. It was a honest question. Lyney held still in his movements and sighed, "I'm sorry.. I swear I wanted to! But the timing wasn't right.. I didn't want the traveler or you to hate me because I'm part of the fatui.. not all of us are bad..", lyney explained, looking at you with sorrow in his eyes. He looked upset. But was he upset over the 'script' failing or over their new found bound?

"I don't hate you lyney! I'm just.. upset why you didn't tell me sooner? I'll accept and love you no matter who you are or become!", you said, starting to tear up, "Tell me honestly.. was there a second motive involved as you and lynette approuched the traveler and me?", your voice was shaking as you asked what you feared most. The tears just started to overflow, running down your chin.

Lyney was lost for words. You were hurt and it ripped his heart apart. He never ment for things to be this way. All feelings for you were real and true! As for the traveller.. this was another story. But even if he explained it in detail to you, would you understand? Understand that he did all this just to protect his family, to give lynette finally the live she, no they deserved?! He didn't like the idea of beeing bad one bit. He loves to make people gasp in suprise and see their smiles and laughs. Hurting someone wasn't something he enjoyed, yet for his family he would go through with everything! Would you understand him? Stand by his side?

Lyney leaned in, pulling you in his arms and hugging you tightly. Trying to calm you down. "I know you have no reason to believe me. But all the words I said to YOU, all my feelings and actions for YOU, to YOU were real and came from heart. I showed you a part of me I usually keep hidden away.. the real lyney is a lot more complex and pathetic then the lyney on stage you know.. it's not something you just show everyone..", lyney whispered lost in thought, caressing with one hand gently over your back, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was just so scared.. I'm scared of losing you. If you would give me the chance to explain how things came to be this way.. maybe you will understand the real lyney better?", it was a question to you.

You toke a deep breath while leaning against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. Suprisingly it was completly calm. Not a beat was off. Yet his body language spoke a different story. He looked scared, clenching his other hand in his lap to a fist, pressing his theeth together. He looked like he wanted to break down in tears but kept it under control. He hid everything away under this charm, under this cheerfull smiles. Taking his clenching hand in yours you looked up and smiled softly, "Thank you for telling me this lyney! I would love to get to know and love the real lyney, so would you please tell me more about you? I want to believe you! ", you said, kissing his hand with so much love as possible.

Lyney couldn't help but let out a gasp at your words. It felt like a huge burden was taken of off him. His heart was about to shatter in thousends of peaces. He loved you so so much, losing you would be like the sky would fall down, crushing every single shade of light amd hope underneath it. Without thinking he grabbed your hand, pulled you in his arms and hugged you tightly. "Thank you! I'll explain everything and I promise there won't be anymore secrets! I shall empty all my sleves and hat for you!", the magican said, his voice sounding a bit broken.

You hugged him back, gently caressing his back. Trying to calm him down. "I'm listening love~", you whispered, waiting for him to explain. For him to state his reasoning. For him to finally be a step closer to be himself around you. "It all started as lynette and I were still kids. Our parents died as we both were very young..", lyney started. You could tell it wasn't easy for him to talk about this. His breath grew heavier, voice slightly shaking. You toke both his hands in yours as you kissed them gently, "Don't force yourself if you're not ready! Today was a lot going on, we can talk another time love!", you said, worried for your boyfriend. As much as you wanted tl know the truth, your boyfriend's health mattered more to you. "No! I want to tell you this, I want you to understand that I'm not a bad person! J-Just give me some time please..", lyney snapped but sighed right after. He was different. Completly different from the 'lyney' you knew. Or you thought yiu knew. You just nodded and holding his hands in yours, waiting.

After a while lyney continued talking, "Because of our parent's death we were forced to live on the streets. I hated it! Our live was cursed. If it would just be me.. I couldn't have cared less but lynette didn't deserve such a live! It was disgusting, dangerous and I tried everything to get us out of this situation. So we leaned a few magic tricks we saw on the street, it wasn't anything special but it brought us some mora and some reason to live on. But it was far from good. One day a..", lyney stopped, shwalloed hard, clenching his fist, "a noble man came to us. He 'adopted' us, saying we were so talented. In the beginning I thought of it as a blessing. But.. it wasn't. Just another curse that was laid up on us! This noble man brought me to many different partys, festivals, just to grow his power, his social circle. And what better way as to use a young, 'handsome' and talented boy.. Tch!!..", the magican's eyes filled with rage. The grew darker in color and were filled with pure hatred. You never had seen your boyfriend like this.

"Lyney, it's in the past. You are here with me now!", you spoke in a soft voice, kissing his hands while looking at him. Seeing how his gaze grew softer right away. After a few minutes of silence he continued, "He forced me to peform magic on every party, mostly with lynette as my assistent, but more often I started to perform by myself.. he forced me to..", another sign that it was difficult to talk about this situation, your boyfriend sighed and continued, "I shouldn't tell you this. It's horrible but.. you have the right to know as my girlfriend. It will shock you a bit.. and I don't know if you will still like me after this.. so please get ready..", the magican said, hesitating a bit. He looked at the ground, hair falling over his eyes, so you couldn't see him tearing up.

What happened to him? You started to grow upset, thinking to ask your traveler companien, lumine to go and find this man. You know, just paying a visit, saying hello. How dare he make your boyfriend so upset? You sat up, moved out of lyneys arms as you placed your own around him. Pressing him to your chest, caressing his back gently, "Lyney no matter what you tell me it won't change a thing! It is the past! I won't leave you! So if you want to tell me, don't be afraid okay?", you whispered in a sad, warm voice.

Hearing those words meant so much to the magican. "Fine.. Thank you..", lyney continued speaking, "The noble man forced me to perform alone, drink with guests, wear clothes in ways.. that.. were not common for children. He forced me to sleep with rich women, man.. He teached me how to manipulate people.. As a child I thought I had to push through it, just so that lynette had a better live. Later on I started to realise how bad this all was. That it wasn't normal.. The snapping point was as lynette wasn't with me at all. I waited for her back at home but she never came. As I went to ask the noble man where my sister was.. he said... he said.. that one of the man at the party liked her and so he send her over to him as a gift..", lyney finished, his hands shaking, taking deep breathes.

Blood lust, rage, hate. You could feel it. It filled the room. Your own hands were cold, your heart beating fast. What kind of sick jerk?!! You really needed to talk to lumine about this! This bastard will pay!! That was your thoughts, yet you just bit your lip and hugging lyney thighter, kissing his hands.

"Stop this!", lyney all of sudden said. Holding in your tracks you looked shocked. Pulling away from him, "Oh okay.. I'm sorry!", you said a bit sad but worried. He must be very traumatized, you should leave him a bit, you thought. "N-No! Stop beeing angry for me! I can feel it.. the anger. Please don't feel angry.. like you said it's in the past and the noble is already dead!", lyney said, pulling you back into his arms. Making you fall on his lap, you blushed as you tried to sit up. Yet no chance since the magican held you close to him as he continued, "I ran after lynette, storming into the house of the noble. But as I arrived there the noble man was already dead. Father, the knave, arlecchino killed him. Father saved us. Also saving all the other young girls that were found in the basement! Lnyette didn't come to any harm. After this arlecchino made a deal with me, I could live happily with my family in order to follow her. Betrayal shall not happen and everyone would be treated as important. We shall get our freedom back.. I wasn't sure back then, after all I was just betrayed but.. father saved lynette so.. I ended up agreeing. Everything I do, have done is just for my family!.. Even tho I'm with the fatui at the end of the day I'm still just a brother who wants to protect his sister.." , lyney finished, sighing, looking to you. His eyes grew wide and he suddenly regreted telling you all of this.

You sat there listening to all of it, your heart was clenching in pain. It hurt. You loved lyney and lynette so much. You were hurt for them. What did they do to deserve this? Your hands were cold and shaking, tears running down your cheeks, biting your lip to stay quiet.

"Love.. please don't cry! I can't stand this hurt expression on your face! Look I'm all fine now, lynette is fine too. We have visions now and can protect ourselves! Besides.. we have you!", the magican whispered with a soft smile on his face. A caring smile, a real smile.. his real smile. Your heart jumped, yet you cried even more. Lyney finally for the first time showed you his real smile! This meant so much to you!

"Aghhh.. love.. please stop crying mhh? Look I'll show you something fun!", lyney said, grabbing his cards from the table next to him. "Pull one card! Doesn't matter which one!", lyney said, holding a few card in his hand. You giggled and pulled one, "It does matter does it? Fine I did and now?", you asked rubbing your tears away with the other hand, trying to calm yourself down. "Hold your card so that I can't see it, only you!", lyney said.

You did what he told you. "Now I want you to put this card, without me seeing it back into my hand okay?", your boyfriend said, holding his cards still in the hand. After you followed his request, he shambled the cards, "Now I'll mix them, I'll have no idea what you card was of course. But let my mind read yours, I'll pull your card out of this mixed card deck in a moment! Ready?~", he continued. You looked interested and curious as you nodded. "Is THIS your card?", lyney asked, pulling a card out of his deck. You pouted and giggeled, "Your mind trick didn't work lyney, this isn't my card". "Ohh... I see I wonder where it's hiding then? Mhh.. Oh I can see it clearly in my mind! Love, would you please check under the pillow next to you?", the magican pointed next to you. As you lifted the pillow and your card was underneath it you gapsed, "Noo wayy..". "Ahh see there it was hiding! And was this your card?", lyney smirked, taking back his card. You clapped your hands in excitement, "Yes!! This was amazing! You're so cool lyney!", you giggeld, hugging your boyfriend tightly. "And I'm glad you stopped crying y/n~", lyney smiled, caressing over your cheek.

"From now on I promise YOU, I'll try to be more like my real self and I'll always be honest with YOU!", lyney said, looking into your eyes. You smiled and leaned in to gently place your lips on his, "I know love! I forgive you and I believe you~", you said, kissing him again. Even if you still felt like you overlooked something, like something was missing you quickly dismissed it as he pushed you down on his bed. Kissing you deeper, caging you in between his arms, him now towering above you. The kiss continued until you both were barely able to breath. Then you parted to catch your breath. Your mind was blank, was lyney always such a good kisser? You couldn't remember. As you looked into his eyes all you saw was pure love, his cheeks were red, softly blushing. But his usually smile was gone, he just looked so cold. His eyes spoke another story..

"This is the real me.. without mask, without cheerfull smiles, without many words.. do I make you uncomfortable beeing like this?", lyney asked, looking into your eyes, watching out for any sign of discomfort. "No! You don't lyney! I'm curious to see more of the real you. I'll accept you for who you are, who you want to be!", you stated, hands reaching up to his face, just to cup his cheeks and squish them softly. A smile found it's way to lyney's lips. Soon after it disappeared again as he looked away with a sigh, "Thank you love. That means the world to me! But.. you maybe forgive me but will the traveler ever?..", the magican asked. He looked clearly upset. A sigh left your mouth. Even if you knew lumine pretty well you had no idea what to say. Giving information on her wouldn't do good.

"See.. like I understood your reasons, you have to understand that the traveler has been through a lot too. There is a good amount of bad history between the traveler and the fatui! Giving it's mostly fatui habringers that caused trouble and I'm sure the traveler knows that, eventually not all fatui members are the same. Yet we saw a lot, someone who used their own people as their doorstep, someone who kicked our dear friend brutally in the stomatch, someone who would gladly sacrifice any person along their way of power, someone who threw a whole nation into chaos and tried to drown it, someone who sold delusion illegaly and killed a got friend of ours, a psychopath who kinapped children, expieremented on them and drugged them.. these people were all fatui members. The traveler has been betrayed, hurt, got used so many times.. She probably just snapped..", you explained, looking at lyney. Another sigh left his lips, now looking back at you, "And you? You were there with her! Yet you forgive me? You saw those things too?!", he looked so hurt as he asked this. A smile came to your face, "Because thats the real me! I am me! I am my own person! And the traveler is their own person! The traveler maybe can't forgive you.. but I can! Because I am me!~", you said, looking into his eyes.

(Nsfw starts here~ )

Before you knew it lyney hugged you tightly, hiding his face in your neck, "Y-You can't just say things like this ma cherie~~", the magican stuttert. He got shy right there. Not expecting such an honest answer. Once again you suprised him, proving everything he thought he knew about you wrong. Throwing his mind reading skills under the aquabus. You really were something, he smirked in your neck. If you wouldn't be his girlfriend already he would've asked you to be his again. How much he loved you was actually insane. But that wasn't enough. Kissing and holding you close wasn't enough anymore. Lyney wanted you completly all to himself, he wanted you to be marked as his! Without thinking he leaned hin and sucked on your neck. Leaving a hickey. Then another one, and another one. He continued till your whole neck and shoulders were covered in hickeys and lovebites. Leaning back, panting heavy while admiring his work.

"Please let me show you how much I love you! Let me give you all the pleasure you deserve! Will you let let me take it a few steps further in our realtionship ma cherie?", your boyfriend asked you, serious look on his face, his cheeks called him out tho. He was so embarrassed to ask this. But he needed to know! You blushed yourself, heart beating fast, were you really about to do it? It's not like you were a virgin but thinking about doing such things with your boyfriend, lyney made you feel like one. You had dreamt about situation's like this.. might touched yourself to the thoughts of him taking you. But now, that it's about to become reality, you were actually a bit nervous. You wanted him obviously and you tried to say that but you just opened and closed your mouth like a fish on land. Heart beating out of your chest.

"I'm sorry love.. I got ahead of myself haha~ With your charming looking self it's really hard not to! Forget it ma cherie~ i just-", lyney stuttered, laughed akwardly and wanted to sit up. Noo you were silent for to long!! Aghh, you cursed at yourself inside your mind. The smile.. it looked fake. It was interesting how just now you saw the difference. He is back to his fake-self. Quickly you grabbed lyneys arm to pull him back on top of you as you yelled, "PLEASE FUCK ME!!", in his face above you.

A moment later you let out a loud gasp, holding your hand infront of your mouth. Why did you say it like that? Oh man.. what an embarrassement.. Hiding your face in your hands you waited for his reaction.

Lyney felt disgusting. You both had such an emotional moment and here he was.. semi hard under his pants, mind filled with unholy, sinfull thoughts of you laying under him. Obsessed with the idea to make you completly his. After you didn't answer he felt horrible. Was he about to become like the people he hated the most? Driven by their own sexuell desire not caring about others. He didn't want to be like. But these thoughts were lost the moment you pulled him back, saying the three magic words he never thought would hear from you. Lyney wasn't innocenct, he heard those words a lot, even if most are connected with bad memorys. But hearing you say those words was different! His cock twichted in his pants, only growing in size, geting harder. Damn.. you shouldn't have said that! A chuckle left the magican as he leaned down, stopping right infront of your lips, "Are you sure you can handle me?~", he said with a teasing smirk on his lips.

You held your breath has lyney leaned in, blushing hardly at his words. This damn tease..

"Why don't you test it out? I want all of you!~", you smirked back at him, just to laugh at his shy expression. He wasn't expecting that. Usually you were always the one blushing and he loved it. But now.. look who also has another side towards themselves?

Lyney chuckled and leaned in to kiss you deeply, caressing with one of his hands through your hair, "Then don't mind if I do show you the stars a bit closer tonight~", he whispered against your lips. Kissing you deeply, his tongue playing with yours. You couldn't help but to give in. Enjoying it, enjoying his sweet whisperes of compliments on your skin, against your lips. The room felt hot, yet you were so wet. Rubbing your thighs against each other while the whole make-out session happened. Lyney caressed his hands over your body, massaging all your sensetive spots. One hand of his moved under your shirt, playing with your breats while still kissing you.

You panted heavily into the kiss, nippels growing hard under his gentle touch. It felt so good. The magican pulled away, looking at you with lustfull eyes, "May I reveal your beauty to my eyes?", tugging on your shirt, he asked. You quickly nodded, lifting your arms up. One second later your shirt and bra layed somewhere forgotten on the room's floor. Lyney massaged your breats, playing with your hard nippels. Twirling them a bit,without hurting you. Curious over your reaction he leaned his head down, sucking on one of your already sensetive nippels. A smirk covered his face as you let out a loud moan. Suprised at the sudden pleasure overcoming your body. With his other hand he circled one finger around your nippel, but not touching were you wanted it to. While his tongue played and sucked on your nippel, you rubbed your thighs together. You were so wet already. Moaning and panting you had closed your eyes.

You opened them just as quick again. You were about to cum. "Ahh- l-lyney I-", you were trying to warn him. But the magican just hummed in knowledge and continued to suck. Taking his finger and gently flicking your other nippel, while sucking on the other you came. Moaning his name out loud, legs shaking. Cumming in your underwear. Lyney continued for a while before stopping as you calmed down a bit. "Did it feel that good? Ohh~ I must be really talented then with my mouth~ OOR.. could it be that I turn you on this much?~", a proud smirk covered his face. While still catching your breath you answered, "B-Both!", and sat up, pushing him to lay back on his bed. Climbing over him, sitting on his lap. "Would it be alright to take this off?", you asked, pulling on his bow and his clothes.

Suprised lyney leaned back, the view was great he had to admit. Maybe he should let you ride him next time, he thought to himself. Your question made him blush, his ears heating up, cock twitching im his pants. "Take everything off I don't mind~", he answered, smug as always. His heartbeat wasn't smug at all tho. Beating fast. You giggled and nodded, "Fine remember you allowed me too!~", you teased back. Your curiosity got the better of you and you couldn't wait to see your most beautiful boyfriend in his whole glory.

Taking off all of his clothes, just leaving him in his boxers you blushed. Damn he looked fine. You caressed over his chest, without thinking much leaning down, starting to kiss his chest, his shoulders, his arms, down to his stomatch, kissing his neck, leaving hickeys and lovebites everywhere. "Now everyone will know that the great magican lyney is taken~", you smirked, mostly to yourself, beeing proud. Lyney laughed, panting, with one hand gently caressing your head. "Let me return the pleasure to you", you smiled as you carefully removed his boxers. Gasping in suprise as his rock-hard cock jumped out, standing up all angry. A cute whine escaped the magican. Fuck, he had imagined you doing this for the longest time. He couldn't believe this moment was real.

Taking his cock in your mouth, filling up your throat as much as possible with his length. Taking it all in until your face met his hips. "Mghhh.. you're soo bighh~", you mumbled, mouth stuffed with him. Then you started slowly moving your head up and down, licking the tip with your tongue. Going faster after a while. Lyney could swear he was this close already. You were just so hot. You drove him insane. "Love, d-don't ahh- say those things! I-I aghh~ might lose control!", he whimpered out, holding on to the sheeds.

His cock twitching in your mouth. Was he close already? You moved your head faster, sucking harder. One hand caressing over his thighs, finding his full balls, massaging them gently. "Cumf in my mouthh~", you mumbled. Hearing him whine and whimper made you wet again. Feeling your clit throbb at the dirty sounds. "C-Cumming!! Nghh-", a second later your boyfriend, thrusted up in your mouth, leting out a grunt with a whine after. His hips jerking a bit, eyes closed while moaning your name in a dreamy voice. Cumming all into your mouth. There was so much. Without missing a beat you shwalloed his seed completly. Before you let go of him and pulled away, catching your breath.

The magican looked down at you, grabbing your arm, pulling you up in his arms to kiss you. A kiss full with love. "You did so well for me ma cherie~ Please let me taste you too?~", he asked into the kiss, licking over your lips. As you nodded he looked at you, "Sit down then~", he gestured to his face, laying on his back on the bed. A gasp left you at his idea, "A-Are you sure? I might be.. heavy..", you asked worried to hurt him. "Don't underestimate me! Sit down my love~", lyney said, looking serious at you. He really meant it.

With a nod you removed the rest of your clothes. You both were completly bare now. You crawled over him on the bed. Kneeling over his head. Your face all red, shy because you felt exposed like this. "What a great view ma cherie, lucky only I can see this everyday~", he whispered, caressing his hands over your ass. Massaging your ass while starring at your dripping wet cunt. You were so beautiful he could look at every part of you forever. What a perfect view but the show must go on so he leaned in, breathing against your cunt. Chuckling as you whimpered under his touch. Giving your slit a teasing lick with his tongue. But that wasn't nearly enough. "Sit down love~" he said to you, pointing on his face. Still kneeling over him you let yourself down on his mouth a bit more. "I said SIT!!", the magican grabbed your hips, pulling you down on his face, grabbing you tighs and holding you there. Holy shit! His voice changed tune completly. No, not only his voice, his entire aura was different! Fatui lyney is here and long may he stay..

A few minutes later and you came already twice. Lyney fucked his tongue into your hole, swirling it around inside, hitting all the right places. Then moving out, flicking your clit with his tongue. And repeat. It's like he couldn't get enough of your taste, your moans, your shaking legs. He was obsessed, with you! Tears running down your face, you grabbed the headboad as you leaned your head against it. Having not enough strengh anymore to hold yourself up. "C-Cumming again!! Nghh- lyney I'm.. cumming again!!!", you moaned, throwing your head back. The magican was unbothered, his pace growing faster, "Then cum!! Give it to me!", he ordered.

"AGHH L-LYNEEYY!!", you screamed his name, cumming into his mouth for the third time this night. Licking all of it clean, lyney removed his tongue from inside you. He smirked, happy with his actions, before geting an idea. He wasn't done with you yet! Just as you were about to catch your breath, he pushed two fingers into your hole, "You are still so tight ma cherie~ How will I fit my big cock in there mhh?~", he teased, smirking to himself as he started thrusting the fingers in and out of your used cunt. "T-To much-", you whined, moaning, yet moving your hips with his fingers. It felt so good but you were so sensetive that you coudln't help but to cry out. Not that you wanted him to stop, if anything you wanted him to go deeper!

"Mhh.. you are a bad liar ma cherie~ I saw the way you looked at my fingers all day, how you clenched your thighs together. I saw the way your eyes wandered over my back, my thighs. You eye-fucked me since the day we first met at the habor. So don't tell me it's 'to much'!", lyney looked up to you with a proud, teasing smirk. And you knew he was right. "M-More please.. lyney I want more~", you looked down at him, moving your hips faster. "That's my girl!~", the magican said. Fingers thrusting deeper, pace growing faster. You moaned his name loudly, eyes rolling over as you let out a loud yelp. What was that? Your head was spinning for a moment, it felt so good. "Ohh?~ Ma cherie let me show you a magic trick! In a second a waterfall will appear infront of our eyes, are you ready?~", lyney had this grin on his face that spelled trouble, yet you were to far gone already to realise that. "S-show mee ahh~~", you moaned, continueing to ride his fingers.

A twist of lyndys hand, currling of the two fingers. You felt how his fingers pulled all the way out, you whined at the lose of his touch. "Now watch closely love~", lyney said as he snapped his finger with the other hand. Trusting two fingers at once, full spead against your sweetspoat deep inside your cunt. While with the other hand he gently flicked your clit once. You didn't even know what was happening to you. Throwing your head forward, your mind became empty. A loud scream left you, you had lost all control over your body. Legs shaking like crazy, you squirted. All over lyndys face, all over the bed and all over your thighs. Panting heavily while holding on to the headboard. "Look at you~ I should make you my apprentice! You learn so quickly how to put on a great show~", lyney chuckled, removing his fingers from inside you, licking everything clean.

Still trying to calm down and geting your brain to function again you slowly opened your teary eyes. Did you just squirt? You never did that before.. oh wow!! "Mhh~ you taste so delicious, I want more ma cherie~", the magican under you mumbled. Pushing his tongue back into your still dripping cunt. Cleaning every last drop of you. Eating you out again. "Aghh!! L-lyn- aghj~ wait!! S-Still sensetivee~", you yelped, trying to push his head away. But lyney was having none of it, grabbing your thighs to hold you down, over his face, till he was finished. There was nothing you could do besides sit down and enjoy.

"Mhh~~ That was delicious~ This gave me an idea for my next show! The audience in the opera house would love your performance for sure! Maybe you will let me do this next time as our final act mhh?~", the magican grinned up at you from between your legs, gently helping you to lay down on the bed. Beeing so fucked out as you were right now you didn't even understand half of what he was saying, so just nodded. A chuckle left the magican. His cock throbbing in pain. "I'm sorry ma cherie, but I'm afraid I can't hold back anymore. May I show you a part of the real lyney or would it be to soon? You might.. not like this side of me..", the magican still was nervous. Hearing his voice drop into a bit of sadness, made you snap out of your lust-space. You took his hand in yours and kissed it gently, "You can go rough with me you know? I'm not made out of glas! I won't shatter easily! Besides.. i trust you lyney! No matter which you, I trust you!", you smiled, voice slightly cracking here and there.

With that the cheerfull glow in lyneys eyes was gone. The magical, charming self disappeared. As you looked up and looked into his eyes you got shocked for a second. This was new. His eyes seemed much more intimidating, much colder but not in a bad way. Just more serious. This lyney stared at you like you were his prey. A target he had layed his eyes on for a while. It felt like he could read your mind, see through your soul.

"Thank you y/n! For putting faith into my hands. Did I ever tell you how much I wanted you too see this side of me. But I was a coward. Like always, playing my games, hiding behind a mask. I really hope you'll still love me like this. I know I love you so much I can't put it into words!", lyney said, caressing with one hand through hair before leaning over you to kiss you on the lips. It was a deep kiss. You just smiled at him before returing the kiss. In your eyes there wasn't much difference. He still was your lyney! The one you loved!

"Spread your legs for me! I can't wait any longer. Let me stuff you full of my love! Let me make you mine!~", he whispered against your ear, caressing over your thighs. Kneeling above you he helped you spreading your legs, giving him the most beautiful view he so adored. "P-Please lyney! I wanna be yours~", you blushed at his confession and whined for his touch. For his love.

The bed made a 'thumb' noice as it was pushed forward against the wall. Lyney thrusted his whole cock into you in one go. Making you gasp loudly, clawing into his back. "You take me so well! You can be as loud as you like, let the others hear that I finally made you mine. Let the others know that I stole your heart. I want to hear you scream my name!", the magican said in between hard thrusts. Your mouth stood open, the pleasure was to much. You felt so full, walls strechted around his big cock. Threwing your head back with every thrust, biting your lip. Embarrassed that someone would hear you.

"Are you disobeying me? I told you-", lyney's voice got darker, grabbing your chin to have you look at him. "SCREAM-MY-NAME!", the fatui member said, thrusting hard into you with every word. Hitting your cervix over and over again. "Could it be that you have lost your voice? Huh.. what a pathetic whore! Here I thought so highly of you, wanting to make you my apprentice but actually with that dumb look on your face, making you my plaything sounds like a better use for you!", the fatui member whispered in your ear, biting into it. His thrusts geting deeper. "Still not screaming? Mhh.. I guess you leave me no other choice but to punish you..", lyney said as he leaned himself up. Snipping his fingers he suddenly held two clips in his hands. "Hold still otherwise it will hurt you!", he warned, thrusting deep into before staying still inside you. Putting one clip on your nipple, while he put the other on your clit. "There you go! Am I not nice my love? This will help you cum more quickly!", the fatui members smirked, pulling on the clip, making you whimper and moan.

Tears were running down your face. Your whole body felt so turned on. You felt so good. It was a bit painful but a few seconds later you wanted to cum so badly. This lyney was so mean but you loved it. It was so attractive and hot to you. As lyney picked up his fast, deep thrusts again you lost all sanity. Not caring about your noices anymore. Fuck it if someone heard you!

Lyney fucked you hard and fast, pulling on your clips, switching in between them. You screamed his name, cumming over and over again. Voice horse from all the screaming. "What a good whore you are for me! Finally obeying your master. I'm gonna cum soon! Gonna fill your slutty hole up with my seed!", the fatui members groweld, grabbing your thighs to push them up against your chest. Making sure his load would go deep inside of your womb.

You could only lay there and moan, whimper, scream and cum again and again. You were such a lovely mess for this member of the house of the hearth. Such a whore for this fatui member. So in love with the great magican. So obsessed with lyney. "P-please fill me up!! Want to you be yours!!", you moaned, whined. Not even sure if he was able to understand you in between the skin clapping and his own loud moans and whimpers.

"C-Cumming!!", lyney growled, thrusting deep into your cunt, all the way inside and stayed still. Warm liquide filled your cunt, your womb. You threw your head back, moaning. Lyney's cock twitched for a while, more of his seed coming out. Lyney pulled out after catching his breath, admiring his work. You looked so fucked out, so far gone. And he loved it. Within seconds his cock grew hard again.

"I'm not done yet!", he said, grabbing your arm and turning you around, to lay on your stomatch. The clips pressing into your sensetive spots. Making you hiss through your lips. "You are so attractiv love~ Your ass looks so fuckable. But for our first time this would be a bit to much right? So just let me fuck you from behind yes?", lyney chuckled, giving your ass a gentle clap. Pushing a pillow under your thighs.

His comment made you blush. A whine escaped you, a bit sad you wouldn't be able to do that today. But that was quickly forgotten as he pressed his cock, which was already hard again, into your cunt. Kneeling over you, behind you the fatui member watched as his cock disappeared in your needy hole. His hands, gloves still on, grabbing your ass. Massaging it, before thrusting all the way into you. Gently he spread your ass cheeks apart, revealling your other hole to his curious eyes. Shortly he was thinking off making you completly his today. Touching every part of you. But no, he had to be patient! He shouldn't overwhelm you! But.. that doesn't mean he couldn't use a bit of magic to please his curiosity!

"My my love, you don't get enough of me do you? Wanting me so much, even your other unused hole is clenching around nothing. You really want to be my plaything huh? Then let me gave you a taste what it's like. I wonder how much you can handle and how long you would last~", lyney whispered, teasingly smacking your ass. Before holding his hand infront of your face. "Remove my glove for me will you?", he asked. After you did what he asked of you he placed the glove under the pillow by your head. A snip of his finger. The light flickered before it turned of completly.

You got scared, about to ask what just happened. The next moment the light on the bedside table turned on gain. "Now check for me under the pillow infront of you will you?", lyney said with a smirk. So you did, removing the pillow with shaky hands. Revealling a vibrator in the same size as his dick. Your eyes widened, how did he do that??

"Ahh perfect! Let me take this~", lyney said, leaning over you to grab the toy. In the meantime pushing his cock deeper in you, grinding into you sweetspot, teasing you. Slowly grabing the toy as an excuse to mess with your insides. Slowly grinding his hips, circeling them a bit. Making you whimper and moan. Hands grabing the bed sheets.

"L-Lyney.. p-please", you whined, with teary eyes. This made the fatui member chuckle, "wrong title", he said, continueing to tease you. You moaned and throw your head back. Realising what he wanted. You blushed heavily. God damn.. this man.. he drives you insane! "M-Master please~", you asked, whimpered. "What a good whore you are! Your master shall continue the show now!", lyney said, leaning back as he sat up. Taking one finger and gently pushing it in your ass. "Your so tight. Tell me love, are you a virgin here? No harm done if not, just curious~", the fatui member asked, biting his lip at the thought. You moaned, hiding your face in the bed. "W-Why do you have to ask such an embarrassing ques-", you whined but got cut off by your own moan. Lyney pushed in a second finger already. Moving them a bit in and out. Not long till he added a third finger.

In

Out

In

Out

Then a laugh left him. Taking his fingers out of your ass. Grabing the vibrator instead, turning it on. You were embarrassed and confused so you wanted to ask what was so funny. Yet again this question got stuck in your throat. Lyney pushed the moving vibrator into your ass in one go. Thrusting it in as far as possible. A loud scream left you, making your cunt clench around his cock. Your mouth standing open in silent moans.

"What a dirty girl~ Already used everywhere!But don't worry, I'll be the last one to use all of your holes. After all you are mine now!~", the fatui member growledy thrusting his cock deep into you. Continueing his pace from before. Your screams, the wet sounds of your holes and the bed slamming up against the wall turned him on even more. "Even if you would try to fuck someone else.. I'll be the only one that comes into your mind! You will always beg for my cock, for my love, because no one can please you as much as I can!", lyney growled, sweat forming on his forhead. His cock twichted at the thought of you begging him to fuck you over and over again. It drove him wild.

You screamed so loud as you came that the whole fontain nation had heard you. Waking up celestia with your crys of pleasure. Not beeing able to think at all anymore, you were so gone. About to pass out actually. Lyney let out a whine, "I'm about to cum! Fill you up again! I'll make you mine! Then you will stay with me forever! With us forever! Take all of me so you will always be on my side ma cherie!~", lyney moaned, mumbled, while leaving hickeys all over your back.

A loud smack was heard, his hips pressing all the way into your ass, pushing the vibrator deeper into you while pressing your back into the matress. His hot cum filling you up. Your head was spinning, not even knowing what he all said in the end. For sure nothing important just how good he felt.

"Je t'aime~", lyney whispered as he kissed your neck gently. Pulling out of you. Taking the vibrator out, turning it off and removing the clips. Laying it down on his table next to the bed. The sparkle of magic and charm slowly returned to his eyes. The magican carefully turned you around, laying down next to you, so he could lay you on his chest. "I'm sorry love, did I hurt you? Do you need something?", lyney asked, voice calming and soft. You tried your best to stay awake and respond. "W-Water", you whispered, voice almost gone.

(Nsfw end! Aftercare here~ )

Lyney gave you a kiss to your forhead before geting dressed in his boxers and his shirt, "Alright love, please wait, I'll be back with water and something to clean you up", with that the magican left the room. Geting the said things for you.

As you were laying there, a complete mess, you realised just how bad this actually was. You are in love, totally obsessed and a total mess for this boy. Damn it all.. how would you explain lumine all of this? The marks all over your body were so obvious. It wasn't the first time this happened.. and it's not like she was a saint either. Buut.. this time it felt more difficult. Probably because lyney is part of the fatui! Aghh.. doesn't matter lumine is your best friend, she will understand! You smiled in thought, lumine always understood you so there wasn't anything to worry about.

A minute later lyney came back into the room with some water and a wet towel. "Ma cherie, are you still awake? I'm back, here is your water", you nodded, slowly sitting up. Taking the glas and quickly drinking all of it empty. That felt good! "Thank you", you smiled and leaned up to give lyney a kiss on the lips. "Let me help you clean up?", lyney asked. You only nodded. Letting him do the work.

After you were done the magican cuddled back to you in bed. Laying you on his chest, caressing through your hair. Before he knew it you were already fast asleep.

"Love?", he asked, not geting answer, he let his mask fall once again. A serious look appeared on his face as he looked out of the window, at the bright shining fullmoon. With one hand still caressing through your hair.

"I love you so much y/n, you don't understand. I never felt this way before for anyone! No one was more important to me than my sister. But since you appeared in my live you share that spot with lynette! I just want to protect you and keep you close. You are different from the traveler! You don't deserve to get involved into all of this bloody mess which is about to happen!", lyney whispered to himself, looking down at you. His eyes glowing brightly, only seeing you. He pulled out a card from under your hair. A fatui card.

As he flipped it in between his fingers, a frown rested on his lips, "Our identity's got revealed and it messed up our plan.. yet with father on the frontline's it should only be a minor issue! There will still be enough time to win the traveler's trust again.. after all we need her as a final failsave in our plan..", a dark aura surrounded the magican, eyes cold, emotionless. His face a frown. Before he felt you cuddling closer to him. Did you feel his mood swing? Could you hear him? No you couldn't. You were knocked out cold, just like he had planned. A small smile formed on his lips, "Sorry love, I shouldn't think about such dark things when I'm around you. After all you deserve to hear and see only good things", lyney smiled down at you, his smile growing warmer, emotion coming back into his eyes.

"Lucky father likes you, so you can stay with us! Don't worry my love, father made already all the plans for you to be save. Welcome to the house of hearth~", your boyfriend whispered, throwing the fatui card in the air. Shortly after the card turned into flower pattels, falling down on the ground next to him. As he leaned down to kiss your lips, he snapped his fingers one last time before also laying himself to sleep. The door of his room got locked. The curtain falling close over the windows. Leaving the room in the dark. Lyney took of his shirt and cuddled closer to you, holding close while singing his favorite song to you,

" … I'm sorry that I did this

The blood is on my hands

I stare at my reflection

I don't know who I am

Practice my confession

In case I take the stand

I'll say I learned my lesson

I'll be a better man

… I'm packing up my things

And I'm wiping down the walls

I'm rinsing off my clothes

And I'm walking through the halls

I did it all for her

So I felt nothing at all

I don't know what she'll say

So I'll ask her when she calls. ",

mumbling the last words, the magican also fell asleep.

~ ❤️ ~ Bonus ending ~ ❤️ ~

"Let's go try meeting the hydro archon again lumine!", paimon said to the traveler as they walked towards the opera house. Continueing their search for information. Wanting to find lumine's brother as soon as possible.

"Uhh.. where is y/n when you need her?", paimon sighed looking creeped out at the fontain. Lumine seemed to have heard voices again. What a creepy situation. "With y/n here, paimon feels much more save! Uhh.. not to say paimon doesn't feel save with you! It's just.. nevermind forget what paimon said hehe!", the floating friend akwardly laughed.

"Lumine.. aren't you worried about y/n at all? We both know the fatui can't be trusted..", paimon asks, looking worried at the traveler. "Don't worry paimon! She is for sure with lyney & lynette. Besides this is y/n we're talking about. She can handle it~", lumine smiled, holding a huge amount of trust and respect for you in her words. "Yeah.. you probably right! Paimon just hopes nothing bad happens to her..", your floating companien said. Lumine nodded and sighed, "I'll talk to her again tomorrow and warn her. Better save than sorry!", she said with a bit of worry in her voice. Something wasn't right. Lumine knew that. She could feel it in the air.

Suddenly all the lights around the two turned off. Paimon got scared and hides behind lumine. While the traveler pulled out her sword, ready to fight.

Clack. Clack. Clack...

Footsteps on the floor could be hard loud and clear. Then someone was clapping as the person walked out of darkness. Fatui jacket shining in the moonlight. A small smile met the traveler eyes.

"Perfect! The rumors do you justice, dear traveler. I didn't expect any less. What a wonderfull performance you put on!", a female voice spoke, sounding dangerous but also so charming. Lumine held her breath. That was..

"THE KNAVE?? What are you doing here? Traveler watch out! She is the 4th ranked fatui habringer!", paimon yelled, still hiding behind the traveler. "Oh did my sudden appearance suprise you this much? But wasn't it a forseen event that we would eventually run into each other? Well.. calm down! I'm not here to fight you or to get the gnosis! Not yet.. at least~", arlecchino spoke with a small smile on her face, raising both her arms in the fatui position before crossing them infront of her chest, "I'm simply here to breath a peace of advice to you~", she said. "Why should we listen to you?!", paimon asked, clearly upset. "Oh, you will listen to me. I made sure of this. After all you want to see your friend again right? Y/n? Was it?", arlecchino smirked, playing with her nails while waiting for an answer.

A gasp left paimon. Lumine put her sword away, putting both her hand on her hips while making an effort to listen, "Go ahead fatui! I'm listening!", she said, voice angry, upset, scared. Scared of losing another important person. "That's a wise move traveler! Your friend is save with us. Now for my adive-", the knave started but got cut off by paimon, "What did you do to y/n?!". Lumine looked clearly angry. Waiting for answer.

"Why? Nothing of course! Actually I took quiet the liking to her. She seemed like a very good 'friend', you may call it that. So no harm shall ever come to her!", arlecchino answered with a soft smile. "What are you planning knave?!", lumine asked, glaring at the women infront of her. Making the fatui habringer laugh, "Haha~ Aren't you cute?~ Mhh.. telling you much would ruin the plan. So let's say I'll borrow your friend for a while. Of course.. she can stay forever if that's what she wants! Your friend is very important to us! To the house of the hearth!", arlecchino answered, walking with every word closer to the traveler. Holding in her steps as she stood right infront of the traveler's face. Smiling down at her.

"You won't use her for your plan! I'll save her!", lumine yelled, pulling out her sword, pointing it against the knave's throat, "You best not provocate me knave!", the traveler whispered dangerously, her eyes glowing. Paimon floated a bit away, giving lumine the space to fight. Yet the knave grabbed the tip of the sharp sword in between her fingers and pressed it in her skin, drawing blood of her neck. Lumine let out a gasp, not expecting that, dropping her sword on the ground. A chuckle left arlecchino, grabbing the traveler's wrist pulling her closer, in the knave's arms. "You might not understand dear traveler. In our house everyone is family! Y/n belongs to that family. I see her as my daughter I'm very proud of. She can bring out lyney's true potenial! And that is very important to me, these kids need to survive for a better future! Even if I don't.. lyney will need to awake his true potential! So I support their lovely realtionship all the way. But.. do you dear traveler?", arlecchino whispered in the traveler's ear.

For a short while lumine was so hypnotisted by her voice that she completly forgot about everything. This women is dangerous! Lumine needed to warn you as soon as possible. This whole aura.. the knave's action. The charming voice. All of it.. it reminded the traveler on lyney. Damn it.. why didn't she realized it sooner?

'The knave' was never arlecchino! Arlecchino is the fatui habringers yes. But 'the knave' is a title made for someone else. Lyney was always the knave!! Lyney was arlecchino's shadow!! Her succesor!

~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~💜~❤️~

( Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!~ ♡ )

[shiro-s2e2-erukinzu]

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 103... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

This was such a cute little chapter to return to after the month long break...!! 💗😊💗

Mission 103 was a short, but fun little chapter staring the Forger family, so let's talk about it shall we...? 😄

We start this chapter with an EXTREMELY bored Anya on break from school...!!

Anya always be lookin' so dang goofy when she's bored, I LOVE IT!! 😂

After Twilight comes home and makes Anya do her homework, Anya sees a news report about a seal named Belle and decides that she wants to go see her...!! 😆

...But, Loid quickly declines Anya's offer because he isn't letting her go anywhere until she finishes her homework...! Then Twilight goes to change the channel and is annoyed to see that other channels are also talking about Belle the seal, when brings up a good point to the frustrated Loid:

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE YOR!! 😊 I can't even watch the news sometimes because of how sad and depressing it can get, so it's always nice to wholesome stuff like Belle the seal for change...!! 💗

So the Forgers decide to go see Belle and guess who they run into...:

BECKY AND MARTHA!! 💗😆💗

(Also I love this panel with Beck...!! 😂😂😂):

Anyway, it turns out that Becky is also here to see Belle and even asks Anya if she would like head over to the news crew and possibly get on TV, but because Anya read Twilight's mind about how that would be a bad idea (i.e. he's a spy and must not draw attention to himself and she's originally from an orphanage), Anya must decline Becky's offer...!! 😌

After waiting awhile (and even wanting to throw hands with the seal for not showing up 🤣), Becky decides to head home while the Forgers stick around...!! Anya starts getting bored of waiting and goes to play for a bit while Yor sit and talk in my probably favorite part in this entire chapter...!! 😁:

I adore that Yor is doing her very best to get Loid to relax for a bit, it truly warms my heart...!! 💗🤗💗 Also, the two page spread in this chapter is just SO BEAUTIFUL!! 🥹

After that beautiful moment, as Bod and Anya are playing, they stumble across the elusive seal Belle...!! 😲:

It turns out (after Anya read her mind) that Belle was hiding because the humans kept following her around, which is totally understandable for Belle to do because usually when some people see a cute animal, they don't really consider how that animal might be feel about all this new found attention they're getting... 😔 So, the Forgers decide to sit quietly near her and after a while of watching her, Belle decides to leave and get them a crawfish as a parting gift!! 🤗 After that exchange, Twilight has a thought:

He thinks back to what Handler said all the way back in Mission 78 and wonders if Belle could be another animal experiment... But before he could think any further on that, Bond gets bit on the nose by the crawfish that Belle left and decides that he might be over thinking this and so, the Forgers finally decide to head home after their little adventure with Belle the seal...!! 😄

And that was Mission 103, a really fun and sweet chapter to return with after the month long break...!! 💗😊💗 I just loved everything Yor did throughout this chapter (though I love Yor all of the time), she was most definitely the best part this chapter...!! 😍 Loid was quite grumpy this chapter (he even called Anya a brat at one point) and though I understand where he's coming from, I hope that he'll fully take Yor's advice to heart one of these days...!! 🤗 Also, Belle was SOOO ADORABLE, I love her!! 💗😍💗

Anyway, that's pretty much all I wanna say, so until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and be kind to one another...!! 😄SEE YA!! 👋😁

Actually... THIS was my TRUE favorite part of the entire chapter:

NEVER CHANGE YOR!! 👏🤣

Okay, now I'm done...!! BYE! 👌😎