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rewriterory · 8 months ago

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Aventurine Is BPD Coded- Some Thoughts

Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!

A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)

Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!

Some context before I start:

1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!

2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).

3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^

CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances

Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine is BPD coded and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.

First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).

But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.' They're trauma responses.

Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).

Fear of Abandonment:

Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.

First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever – is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?”

That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."

This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.

Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.

The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:

Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:

I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."

However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):

I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side

I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life

The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...

Unstable Self-Image; Struggles With Identity or Sense of Self:

The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial:

Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).

When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.

Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:

“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.

He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”

Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth.

Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.

While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.

Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.

Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.

But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.

Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.

(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)

Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:

Impulsive or Self-Damaging Behaviors + Suicidal Behavior or Self Injury:

I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.

Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:

I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:

"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."

Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over – it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.

Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:

"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"

Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.

I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'

For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"

Oh, the delicious irony.

That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?

I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.

His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.

So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough. (I also think it's worth mentioning how he did fight very hard to be alive, and after fighting SO hard, living through poverty and slavery and literally murdering people just to keep his own life, now he's finally at a point where he can 'relax' and carry out his life in peaceful luxury...but ironically, now he doesnt want to be alive)

That being said, we do have to address this little number:

Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!

As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:

n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:

"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.

"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.

He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)

I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:

The instance in Story IV with Opal:

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."

Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.

It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)

Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.

Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-

Constant Feelings of Worthlessness or Sadness:

Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:

It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.

Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.

The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships.

This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:

His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?

Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,

"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."

Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.

The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'

(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )

There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.

Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:

As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.

Other Points:

These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.

I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.

Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.

In Conclusion:

I think Aventurine is a borderline baddie <3

No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!

Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)

#honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #aventurine #hsr #bpd #borderline personality disorder #analysis #character analysis

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thankskenpenders · 1 year ago

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Happy new year, everyone! Welcome to 2024, the year that will mark the 10th anniversary of Thanks Ken Penders. I'd like to go over my plans for the blog for this year.

First of all: in the very near future, I'll have a post with my thoughts on Sonic Dream Team, and I'm sure I'll write one last Sonic Prime review once the final episodes drop on the 11th. I've also been sitting on an unfinished piece about the Sonic LEGO sets. I wanted this to be longer and more detailed piece that not only reviewed the sets but also went into the weird disconnect between homogenized image of Sonic the Brand and the actual fiction it's based off of, but it'll probably end up getting cut down a lot just so I can put something out. Let's just say I did a fun little thing with one of the sets.

Second: yes, I would like to return to regular TKP updates this year. As I've said many times, I wanted to do this in 2023, but I've been suffering from creative burnout after finishing SLARPG and have generally been unable to focus on any of my creative goals this past year. I'm hoping that this year will be better and I'll be able to get back into the swing of covering Archie Sonic issues. Even doing one issue every week or so would be vastly preferable to continuing the hiatus. I'm still only halfway done!! But aside from burnout, my other main hurdle is that I need to reread my own archive to refresh myself on all these things after nearly three years away. This will take some time.

The thing is, though, this year I'll have an extra incentive to go back through my previous writing and brush up on all things Archie Sonic. Because you see...

I've decided that I want to make a video essay about Penders. The comics, the copyright battle, The Lara-Su Chronicles, everything.

The why

I've thought about doing this before, but I never committed to the idea. I was too busy with gamedev, or I thought it'd end up being too long, or I figured that there were already enough videos on the subject, or I just lacked confidence in my ability to put together a video essay. So I told myself it wasn't meant to be, and let the multiple YouTubers who have cited me as a source on their own Penders videos fill that void.

Recently, though, a few things have happened that have convinced me it might be time. For one, YouTube video essays/media retrospectives/etc. are just getting longer and longer. When Quinton Reviews is out here doing 21 hours of videos on Sam & Cat, a subpar Nick sitcom that only lasted one season, I don't feel so crazy for wanting to make a video about several hundred comic books and two lawsuits that'd be at least an hour or two long lmao. Admittedly, I've also been self-conscious about doing a long video essay like this as a trans woman who has yet to do any vocal training. But these days I feel like I see a lot more transfem YouTubers who have done little to no vocal training, and that's given me more confidence on that front.

But the big one was Hbomberguy's recent plagiarism video. As I sat there watching it, I kept thinking about the time I found a CBR article that was just a crude 800 word summary of my two previous articles on Penders, published by a CBR writer who's put out over 4000 articles since 2019. If I've already been plagiarized before, and my writing is so frequently passed around as a go-to source on Archie Sonic drama, then I wouldn't be shocked if there were YouTubers out there straight up just plagiarizing me. I don't watch other peoples' videos on Archie Sonic, so I'd never know! So if people are just gonna paraphrase me when covering these topics anyway, why not take matters into my own hands and make what I would consider to be the definitive video on the subject? If hacks like James Somerton and iilluminaughtii can churn out these shitty video essays and people will still watch them, surely it can't be that impossible to make my own, right? (And also, uh, Hbomb literally told me I should make the video lol. If you're reading this, thanks for the encouragement.)

The what, how, and when

So here's the plan.

Part of this video essay will be an adaptation of my Medium article on the recurring themes of Ken's Archie Sonic run, with its content touched up and expanded upon. There were a few things I skimmed over in the article because I didn't want it to get too long, but again, people are out here watching ten hour videos about bad Nickelodeon sitcoms now. I can get away with elaborating a little more. I can add a few paragraphs talking about the Chaos Knuckles arc, or throw in a little more historical context I've discovered in the years since.

After covering the comics, the back half(-ish?) of the video will be dedicated to the copyright battles and their ensuing controversies, trying to give an accurate picture of what actually went down, the sheer scale of how bad Archie fucked up, and what our takeaways should be. This will have some similarities to my New York Magazine article on the subject, but I'll be rewriting it from scratch. I REALLY had to keep things short for that article because I was already way over the expected word count, and my tone was a little more straight-laced than normal because I was trying to keep things Professional. I can riff more and insert more of my own opinions this time, like I normally would.

I'll inevitably have to touch on some of Ken's Bad Tweets when discussing things that have happened after the lawsuits, but I don't want the video to just devolve into a list of times people got mad at him on Twitter, so I'm gonna try to keep that to a minimum in favor of focusing on his actual work. Things like the Scourge the Speed Demon incident and his continued statements on certain characters' copyright statuses probably warrant mentioning, though. And finally, assuming that the book really does come out this summer, I would like the grand finale of the video to be about those first couple chapters of The Lara-Su Chronicles.

I don't currently know when this video will get done, but it'll probably be in the back half of the year, especially with me waiting for the book to either drop or get delayed yet again. But I've actually already started writing a bit of the script, and will keep chipping away at it for a while.

So, uh, yeah, look forward to that? Wish me luck?

#tkp post

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masochist-marmot · 7 months ago

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A fair and balanced look at MHA chapter 431

To all of my fellow bakudeku and togachako truthers out there: I see you, I hear you, and your disappointment is valid. I agree with a lot of the criticism. However, I have a lot of nuanced thoughts, and I will attempt to write them down in a balanced way, so bear with me. I will also treat the leaks as though they were confirmed for now.

(This post became an essay so I'll divide it into subheadings for clarity.)

Reminder: Be kind

Before I get into this, I'd like to remind everyone to please be kind and understanding when having this discourse. I get that there are strong feelings involved, but please don't harass the creators or other members of the community. Remember that at the end of the day this is fiction, and no one has the right to dictate how others view it or consume it. You are allowed to express your opinions and feelings, but try to be respectful to those who don't share them. No matter what side of the issue you stand on.

Queer relationships in shounen

First of all, I understand that it's disappointing when potential queer relationships are sidelined in favour of compulsory heterosexuality. But I can't say that I'm surprised. The standards and norms of depicting relationships in shounen manga go deep, and while it would be nice to see them challenged, we have to remember that there is an entire industry behind these decisions. I'm talking about genre conventions, authorial decisions (affected by unconscious biases), editors, publishers and a whole lot of moving parts. There's a lot of money involved, which means that any changes to the conventions will happen at a snail's pace. I am not excusing the decisions Horikoshi made, but it's good to be mindful that the decisions don't take place in a vacuum. I went into the series with the full expectations that none of the same-sex relationships would be made canon, so I'm not overtly disappointed with that being the case. It's the same expectation I take to any shounen series.

It's obviously worthwhile to question and challenge conventions like these, that's how progress is made. But focusing on a specific author's specific choices might not be the best way to go about it. Although it's worth pointing out that Horikoshi didn't have to make any relationship canon, yet chose to do so. Let me get into that.

Why IzuOcha falls flat

There is no denying that izuocha seems to have been the end goal from the very beginning. She's the first girl, Izuku took immediate notice of her, and her feelings for him became her entire character for a while. It's a cute ship, I guess. The issue is that it lacks any real depth. I'm going to be completely honest with you: I don't think Horikoshi is very good at writing compelling female characters. A lot of the male characters get amazing character arcs, while many female heroes only get a couple of cool moments (full of fanservice) and are promptly discarded. Himiko and Ochako, who have the most compelling female relationship of any kind in the entire series, fail the very simple Bechdel test miserably. Half of their conversations literally revolve around the male protagonist.

I believe this is why many of us prefer bakudeku over izuocha. The boys just get much better character development both as individuals and in relation to each other. Izuku and Ochako's moments don't cut nearly as deep, and while they do somewhat further Ochako's character development, they seem to have no bearing on Deku's character. Meanwhile Uraraka's conflict with Toga meaningfully challenges and alters both characters' worldview, even though their relationship had much less time and opportunities to develop. To me this whole situation just reads as Horikoshi giving Deku a canon love interest early on, then failing to develop the relationship and having to rush it to get the ending he intended.

Character study: Izuku and Katsuki 8 years later

Now I'll ignore authorial intent for a while and ponder on how the leaked chapter reflects on the character development of my main boys. I'm actually not that mad about the decisions Deku makes in this (forced romance aside). I seem to be in the minority that's fine with Deku losing OFA and becoming a teacher, because I actually think it suits him perfectly. In chapter 430 I mostly took issue with him being lonely for eight years and then jumping the gun to become a hero again, which seemed kinda contradictory. If he was truly contented with being a teacher, they could've made it clearer. Though I'm not going to lie, Kacchan funding his battle armor was incredibly cute. In the leaked chapter, it almost feels like they were trying to reinforce the notion that Deku is happy with his life as a teacher, which feels a little forced, but I can respect it. You have to remember that he's been quirkless for eight years and has had time to come to terms with it. People change a lot in eight years. I barely recognise the person I was eight years ago. So what rubbed me the wrong way wasn't that he rejected Kacchan's roundabout offer but the way he rejected it. Like the guy's really hung up on you, the least you could do is let him down easy.

What I think is an especially hard pill to swallow is the distance between Kacchan and Deku. Unfortunately, it also kinda tracks. Hear me out. Their relationship maintained its intensity because of the rivalry. It motivated their respective personal growths, it pushed them further, and it tied them closer together. And it was magnificent. What we see here is that Katsuki is still driven by the will to compete, but Izuku isn't. He's a teacher now, he's got lives to change, he can't be bothered with competition and numbers. While Deku was building his new identity and new life, Kacchan was still hung up on the past: He was collecting funds for the suit to get Deku back into the game, he was rejecting sidekicks who didn't spark the same joy in him, and he was slowly dropping in the charts because he didn't have Deku to push him to try (also something about his personality, I'll just let it slide). I think in this chapter we kind of see him finally accept it. He doesn't push a hero suit on a rival and urge him on anymore, instead he forms an offer to join him as an unrelated question about if Deku's still intent on teaching. Since he says yes, Kacchan won't even bring the agency offer up; Kirishima has to translate the intention. Which is where I think Deku's answer has uncharacteristically little tact.

Does Kacchan deserve a better ending than this? ABSOLUTELY. Does the ending we get counter the character development seen so far? I don't think so. The sad reality is that people do grow up, and I see the ending we get as one possibility that reflects that. I would've also been happy with an ending where Deku keeps OFA and the boys go be gay fight crime for the rest of their lives together, but in all honesty, Deku coming a full circle back to quirklessness is more thematically satisfying to me. Mind you, none of this means that the relationship between these two isn't important to them. It just means that it was always bound to change, adapt and grow to a different direction. Kacchan's final goodbye may seem like an important moment that was completely brushed off, or you can see it as not being important because it's not a goodbye. These two men will continue to be part of each other's lives. And now I kind of want to read comfort fics about what their new relationship and domestic life would look like.

Brief togachako tangent

I said in an earlier post that I will be a togachako truther until the day I die, and I stand by that. In my book, it's already canon. Though sadly, it was also doomed. I'm a little conflicted on the whole thing. On one hand, I think Toga had a satisfying character arc, but on the other hand, we mostly just got our gays buried. Still, purely from a character perspective, I don't see her pushing Uraraka to live her life as a problem. Toga would definitely not want Uraraka to dwell on her memories and guilt. They seem to be bound together by blood now, and that won't change. Neither of them gain anything if Ochako denies herself happiness by not pursuing other relationships. Still, I understand the criticism in a narrative sense. It does come off as a queer character used as a device to push forward a comphet relationship. I just want them both to be happy.

Final thoughts: Canon is not law

I have shared my complicated thoughts and feelings on this presumed final chapter. You are obviously allowed to disagree with me, and your thoughts and feelings are just as valid as mine.

I think it's important to remember that you don't have to treat canon as law. The canonicity of something has never dictated how you should interact with the media. Obviously the author making something canon has a bearing on their story, but that's just what it is. It's their story. Which means that we don't have any say in what they decide to do with it, but they also have no say in how we make their story our own. If the ending is left open, it's left open for a reason. You get to interpret what happens next based on your reading of the story.

So please go create fan content where Izuku keeps his powers and hero status and where he keeps his rivalry alive, or write a fanfic about his life as a teacher. Go explore how the thing with Uraraka develops (I trust that many of you would do a better job than Horikoshi), or ignore that part completely. Write about Uraraka's blood bond with Toga, maybe their relationship is still worth exploring post-mortem. Hell, make it a polyship between the girls and Deku. And there are so many things about Deku and Bakugou's relationship as adults that I'd read about and see fanart of, whether or not you take my interpretation of them into account.

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catladywriter · 1 year ago

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Inotan Fan Comic: Stares in this Town - Tanjirou's Tempura Therapy

Context: The above work is a comic adaptation of a scene from my Inotan fic Stares in this Town, illustrated by the talented ReName_重名君. It's set 2 years after the main story ends. Tanjirou and Inosuke are 17 years old. Their hair has grown a little longer, they're a little taller with less roundish faces. They work in the Wisteria Garden, an eatery that the Kamados have just inherited from their neighbour. Tanjirou is the head chef, assisted by Nezuko, while Inosuke and Zenitsu work in the front of house. Inosuke doesn't wear his boar mask but he still tugs at Tanjirou's clothes when he's stressed.

If you read Stares in this Town, this scene comes after the point where Inosuke, initially reluctant to take up his new role, starts his first work day proper after mistakenly believing that Tanjirou has challenged him to do so.

Support banner by @cafekitsune

Author's Notes I'm absolutely thrilled to share this collaboration with the incredibly talented ReName_重名君, whose fantastic works you might have come across in my tumblr (ahem, I promise I haven't forgotten about this translation project, life's just been a whirlwind lately, but I'll definitely get around to it soon!). I'll spare you from my gushing (I already left ReName_重名君 a semi-essay about how incredible I thought her work was), but let me just say that seeing one of my favorite scenes brought to life in her art style and interpretation truly brought tears to my eyes. Inosuke's shirt-pulling and the feeding trope are some things I really enjoy, so I'm over the moon to see them visualized here. I barely provided any art direction beyond using my fic as a reference, so I was absolutely astounded by how seamlessly ReName_重名君 incorporated elements from canon (like the chibis and that first frame on the second page from the famous "you make me feel secure" scene) with her own interpretation of my story. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate how handsome and grown-up our boys look in her style? And Tanjirou's gentle and domestic demeanor is just too adorable - they look like such a cute newly-married couple! (though, in these scenes, they haven't actually gotten together yet). Okay, I'm getting carried away with excitement, so I'll stop gushing now. I hope you enjoy this comic as much as I do, and while this collaboration was definitely initiated for my own enjoyment, it would mean the world to me if you let me know that you're also enjoying it. And if you haven't checked out the fic yet, please give it a read here. Additionally, if there are any scenes from my other works that you’d like to see a visual interpretation of, feel free to let me know in the work’s comments. I cannot promise that it’ll happen, but I’ll certainly consider it if ReName_重名君’s schedule allows! Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, it’d really make my day if you could drop a like, reblog, and/or comment to let me know! This comic is also published on AO3 where you can comment anonymously! Although I mostly create for myself, your encouragement keeps me motivated to post and share my work.

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tinylongwing · 3 months ago

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💖, 👏, 🍎 for the art/writing ask game?

💖 Which of your fics is your pride and joy? (and which artwork?)

I have too few published fics to really feel like one is my pride and joy here - but I am instead modestly quite fond of Al mal tiempo, buena cara as a neat little pre-canon thing.

@spectromagic knows what work of writing is my pride and joy but it is unpublished, unpublishable, and half her doing anyway lmao

For fanart, my current top favorite is the one I did for Halloween a couple years ago as part of a series of three. I'm so pleased with how I pulled off all the detail and just the raw disturbing energy of Johnnie post-blackbrain in this. I think it looks great, deserves more appreciation than it ever seems to get, and also I want more horror in this fandom in general.

For non-fandom art, it's so much harder to pick a favorite! But right now I'm feeling like it might be this piece of California Condors nesting in a giant sequoia to accompany an essay published in The Wildlife Professional a few years back.

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

(I assume this is the question you wanted - this is a different clapping emoji vs yours but it's the only thing I see on the list that's clapping? lmao)

idk how to translate this to art but for fic/writing, man, that's hard. I'm going to go with Rigo's mental description of Dale under a street light not because I think it's peak literature but because it's cute. They're cute. I'm obsessed with them. They're adorable. I have tentative fic plans. I'm annoyed by how little I like the art I did based on this moment.

“They make their way toward the apartments. Past the fenced-in basketball court, past the murals, all fire and lightning that decorate the walls facing the street which advertise to anyone who passes by just who all lives and operates from this little cluster of housing. Once government subsidized, now a ramshackle fortress with two kings. It’s a funny thought to have right as they pass a street light on the way into the parking lot. The gold halo cast around Dale’s hair looks like a crown.”

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic?

(cut here because this got long but please do read if you have any interest at all in the LH world and our real world and how they intersect)

Now THIS is something I will definitely stick to writing for because I have so much to say. I have learned a lot doing research for art too, but oh my god, the amount of research I have done for writing and understanding and piecing together the elements of 1) US history, especially during the 50s-60s, 2) Chicano history and culture in LA, and 3) gang and drug culture and history. I have read books, I have watched documentaries, I've dug up redlining maps from different decades. It's fascinating. And it's horrifying.

I was born in the 80s and have never lived in Southern California so I really don't have firsthand knowledge about the time period and location this is all set in. Yeah, we all know the Vietnam War happened and yeah, we also all know that California used to be part of Mexico but like, everything that happened during and in between those broad points on a timeline fascinates me. I could go on and on. But that's the stuff that informs my writing and is so fun to then twist into that subtle supernatural horror going on in the LH world. I'll take this as an example:

Mandy reaches out an arm to signal a turn, and the two World Enders sweep down off the boulevard and toward the concrete pillars that mark the failed path of the 5 over Hollenbeck Park. Johnnie had only been a kid when development started and quickly halted, a consequence of neighborhood resistance and one too many accidents on the job site, as papers had put it at the time. And yet Johnnie remembers the day that the pond rose up in one dark wave with more water than it had ever held, and swallowed the concrete whole. That scared off the city developers more than the anger from the community had ever done.

So, one of the things modern Los Angeles is known for are its freeways, right. It's the terminus of Route 66, maybe the last of the great highways before the freeway projects started. LA was kind of a backwater for a lot of history but once the population boomed they had a sudden need for roads - huge roads that could move a ton of people, trucks, supplies, oil, military stuff, etc.

LA was also monstrously redlined (as were most cities, and as are most cities even if they'd prefer not to admit to it). Entire areas were for Blacks only, or for Mexican immigrants only, etc and realtors wouldn't give loans for those areas, wouldn't let nonwhite people move to homes not in those specific areas. "East of the river," as Johnnie indicates the location of their underground clubhouse in Vide Noir, specifically signals that they're hanging out in one of these major redlined areas that is actually a thriving Hispanic community, probably somewhere vaguely Boyle Heights (as supported by the views of the specific bridges we get in the movie, and suggestions of cruising/lowrider culture like in the Long Lost teaser clip for Not Dead Yet).

(view of the LA river with multiple bridges spanning it close together, from Vide Noir as Buck walks around looking for the underground clubhouse - this appears to have been shot near 6th street, aka Whittier Boulevard, famous for lowrider cruising in Boyle Heights)

(Map of Los Angeles today, with a red X marking the approximate location of the above shot, with an arrow indicating the camera is facing south. Look directly east of the river and see how many massive freeway interchanges were put right through huge chunks of Boyle Heights.)

(Los Angeles redlining map, 1939. The large round red blob on the center right side is Boyle Heights. Red = "hazardous", high interest rates, no home loans available, etc because these were primarily nonwhite areas of the city)

LA didn't start off having freeways, and they have an enormous ground footprint. They needed to put roads in, and they needed to demolish entire swaths of existing, thriving neighborhoods in order to put those huge roads in, so they picked communities to destroy based mostly on those redlining maps. Black communities, Latino communities, were ripped apart, bulldozed, demolished in order to make way for the new roads.

Now, look up to my google maps section there. See that patch of green just left of the words "Boyle Heights" that has a freeway right on top of it? That's Hollenbeck Park, the one mentioned briefly in the fic in that paragraph I pasted.

Freeway through Hollenbeck Park in East L.A.

flickr

Once described (~1890) as the most beautiful park in Los Angeles, with an idyllic, serene lagoon, they fucking... put a freeway through it in the 1950s. Because freeways gotta go somewhere! So how about right here! In this one lovely park! That'll be great, those people don't deserve nice things anyway!

Fuck, man.

So in my LH-ified version of reality, where sometimes the land itself has power from being full of its centuries of ghosts and community and hopes and dreams and death and destruction, the park consumed this construction project. The lake stands. The people fought back, they got in the way, they did their best to prevent this, and when that wasn't quite enough, the waters of the lake rose up and swallowed the scaffolding, destroyed the initial concrete pillars, probably killed a good few people in the process on either side because they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The city decided at that point it probably wasn't worth it to put the freeway right there after all (so they moved it a few blocks at most).

And when I write this stuff, like, Johnnie isn't really conscious of the history or the right- and wrong-doings himself, he doesn't really have it in him to care, but the city remembers. The land cares. The history is all right there just under the surface.

Anyway that's the kind of research I do that winds up being like, tiny elements of worldbuilding in a fic about drug use and existential dread.

#lord huron #worldbuilding #yes I'm tagging the whole fandom I think this last q/a is really interesting #I do more research than I ever write fic but this is why #I love the context I can give to the little things

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severelyjammed · 2 months ago

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My Introduction

Hello! I realised I've been posting randomly on Tumblr without introducing my mission as an author and the reason I've been spamming the #jeverus and #princechaser tags.

If you're not interested or do not ship Jeverus at all, feel free to skip. No hate to all ships, we all have preferences.

Intro! My pen name is jojoven on AO3 and I've been an avid reader of Severitus ever since I discovered it. I love OP Snape and TimeTravelAUs with Snape the most and I think that's how I opened up the possibility of diving on Jeverus.

Don't get me wrong, as a reader I used to read anything. I started with Dramione, Drarry, Snirius, Snupin, Wolfstar...the works! And that's only for the Harry Potter fandom. I got myself included within anime fandoms, webtoons and k-pop fandoms as well. I just like fantasy and pretty things and I never really thought of just staying in one.

One day, my little sister (who is a waaaayyy avid reader than me, also will probably be a really great author probably in the future) told me that, that English teacher told her class 'I got this student who had a lot of talent in writing but, her way of writing is not fitting for my standards so she would always get a B'.

As a writer, I started in Wattpad and I wasn't even alone. Me and my friend shared an account and we used to write silly stories about love. That is, until I left to live in another country and I didn't write for a long time.

In my new English class, the teacher kept on giving me Bs for my writing which I thought was fair since the education system would probably be different than what I'm used to.

But apparently that's not the case.

If you've read 'Life as we Know It' on my profile, that is practically the story that got me into writing again.

Suffice to say, I was furious. It seemed so racist and I had this friend who I thought wrote weaker arguements and essays than me but was on top of the class.

When that teacher she moved away, I was on top of my work.

But yes, because of that era in my life, I started writing again.

At first it was just K-pop ships. They kept me really inspired but, as I started my way to university, the writing stopped yet again.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Even now, I loved any ship and I usually would try to read all popular stories within those pairings but, for some reason, Jeverus was the one. Maybe it was because of my love for Severitus that led me to that pit, who knows?

Of course during my university, I still try to read and attempt to re-discover my past hobbies. Then one day, I came across a Jeverus fic (also TimeTravel AU) and decided to try it. With that fic, I definitely fell in love.

It's practically enemies to lovers, golden retriever energy character vs cool character. Two opposite characters. You can do a lot with that type of pairing.

Although, to my disappointment there wasn't alot of people who wrote about that ship. Below 2k works and I always thought that there's potential for more.

And yes, I get the shipping cues that alot of people are always pointing out. People will have problems with some ships one way or another, but its fiction and possibilities are endless. The ships (no matter which one) may be toxic, but aren't there alot of toxic fiction books that are published? They're not real. Everything will just go back to the actual franchise and whatever happens on fanfiction, will stay in fanfiction. You ship whatever or whoever you want, just enjoy it.

Anyway, I think Jeverus had alot of potential as a ship and I started making notes of all the ideas I had last year. I even posted them on my account to see if I can encourage some writers to write for me. But overall, I thought to myself, why not me?

If I write, would I inspire people to write? Or can I have people just enjoy the ship? There were alot of things to think about but, I decided to write anyway, with the thinking that maybe someday I'll post it.

And I did.

(⁠ ⁠≧⁠Д⁠≦⁠)(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

It was overwhelming... A few people were either just hungry for jeverus or just curious. It gave me the courage to post the fics I've written so far plus, it gave me my hobby back.

It was also the best timing since I'll be on the type of job that requires 2 weeks of working and a week off after. Writing will definitely keep me occupied during those days along with my other hobbies.

So far, the ideas just kept coming and the writing is just flowing. I have to pat myself on the back since I have this habit of recording funny interactions I had or I've been told so it was easier to do funny stories. It also helps that people around me are funny.

\⁠(⁠๑⁠╹⁠◡⁠╹⁠๑⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♬

Anyway, that is all and that is it! To anyone who've read my stories or just seen one fic of mine. Thank you very much! The support has been immense. Not only that, the ship has surpassed 1.7k! I was so proud to be a part of that push, y'all don't even know how much (⁠ ⁠≧⁠Д⁠≦⁠). Anyway, I once again thank you especially if you've reached this far from my rant. (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Hope to hear from you all on my current/next fics too!

Lots of love,

jojoven ヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉ

#james x severus #jeverus #princechaser #my writing story #no need to read I just want to pin this haha #if you do thank you though

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the-literary-apothecary · 2 years ago

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Holding Hands With the Watchman of the Underworld

✦　˚ .˚　✦　.˚ .　　ᯓ⚝ [+..••] ⚝ᯓ　 .˚ . ✦ ˚ .˚ ✦

Category: Fluff

Characters Included: Idia Shroud, Prefect (Gender Neutral)

Oneshot Prompt: During a regular day of spending time with the Ignyhide Housewarden, you opt to hold his hand... kinda.

✦　˚ .˚　✦　.˚ .　　ᯓ⚝ [+..••] ⚝ᯓ　 .˚ . ✦ ˚ .˚ ✦

The repeated press of key buttons echoed through this quiet room. It was a sound that you found yourself grown used to, and that very sound derived from Idia's keyboard.

You've heard this sound in many types of ways. You've heard it endlessly when Idia's focused on an essay for one of his classes.

You've heard it when he was absolutely finger blasting the poor keyboard when arguing against an idiot he was stuck playing with in a competitive game (it was those very games that you had Idia promise he'd stay away from for a while until he learns to manage his temper. You already know he broke that promise by just playing them when you're not around).

And now you were hearing the sound of the soft keyboard and mouse in a different way. This time, you hear it every once in a while. The mouse was a big contender in the new farming game he was obsessed with.

He was quiet, his amber eyes looking into the screen relaxed as you sat next to him. You were watching as well, delightfully entertained by the pixelated graphics of the little town the protagonist has recently moved into.

It was then that you saw his left hand was not busy. It was resting next to the keyboard while his right hand used the mouse to guide his little avatar to where it needed to go.

Without much thought in mind, you found your right hand mindlessly reaching out for his.

Before you knew it, you grabbed his pinkie, and all of a sudden you swore you saw a bright pink night light on your side.

You pulled his hand towards you and set it down on your lap. Once it was there, you took charge and wrapped your index finger around his.

"... U-Uhm... Prefect... I'm gonna need that back in a bit..." He warns, followed by a nervous gulp as he tries not to panic any further.

"That's okay" You say, looking at the screen with a relaxed expression on your face. You were delighted that he was okay with you touching him like this.

It meant that he had grown, and you were proud of him for it.

You would be calm and patient for him.

In your heart, there was no rush.

When he was ready for more than this, you were to welcome that with open arms...

... Or maybe just an open palm.

You knew that this particular issue was a very long level in Idia's eyes... But you had promised him to be there once he reached that flag pole.

"Once you're done, think you can hold my finger again?" You asked.

You could see the cogs in his maverick genius mind turning, trying to choose for the right choice in this otome game-like scenario.

"..... I-I can try..."

Author's Note

✦　˚ .˚　✦　.˚ .　　ᯓ⚝ [+..••] ⚝ᯓ　 .˚ . ✦ ˚ .˚ ✦

This one isn't new like the last one with Azul, I had made this real quick originally for a friend, but I thought it'd be nice to post this somewhere else.

For more of my fanfics, go HERE to see my list of published fics (and other information)

Ahh, it was a bit shorter this time around...

I'll probably actually be doing that anyway, posting old one-shots so that they have a place to go instead of just collecting dust in Google docs and Discord chats.

Hopefully they'll be a bit longer (probably not if those older fics have that habit of just going straight to the point...)

#idia shroud #twst idia #twisted wonderland #twst #writing #twst x yuu #twst x reader #twst x y/n #twst x mc #twst x you #anime #ignyhide #oneshot #night raven college #gender neutral reader

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megabuild · 8 months ago

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How do you feel about Grian/Etho? Tbh I kinda roll my eyes thinking about the sword alliance or whatever in LimL, but then thinking about how he refused to turn on Grian in SL.......... oooouuuughghgggh....

i'm biting my tongue here otherwise i'll start writing an essay and this ask will never get published but. gritho are one of my favourite dynamics in life series AND in hc but ironically i don't care for them romantically that much nor do i think much of the canon interactions we do have?

shipwise, i used to be really against it- now i'm just sort of indifferent to it and haven't ever seen any content of them in a romantic context that wins me over. to me they moreso have more a sibling relationship but if they were siblings that fucking hated each other and refused to see each other as siblings, but like, they are family at the end of the day and have to make their peace with that. i guess maybe that's why i don't care that much for their canon interactions because they usually consist of grian desperately and not so subtly trying to get etho's attention and usually failing, which is funny but not a whooole lot to go off.

#magnificentsapcaddy #asks

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tommock · 1 year ago

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I DNF'd Mistorn: Here's Why

Disclaimer: You asked for this. Let me start there. Don't get mad at me, Mistborn lover. If you clicked on this link, and that means you are taking the dagger into your own hand. The wound is self-inflicted!

I did not finish Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. I know, I know, its actually called The Final Empire. The name Mistborn has stuck with so many readers for a reason, so I'll continue to use it as a shorthand. The book didn't work for me, but I think WHY it didn't work for me might be interesting to read about, especially for fellow authors.

If you have read and enjoyed the Mistborn books, or any work by Brandon Sanderson, I'm delighted. I want to applaud any work of fiction that brings people joy (so long as it or its author is not reprehensible in some way (he said, covering his ass)). I don't want you to think this is me taking shots at you or at Sanderson. I'm just talking about a work of fiction and what it did to my brain.

Believe me when I tell you I have no delusions about being some high-handed minister of good taste. You should see some of the anime I watch to destress at the end of a long day trying to be a self-published author, editor, and, well, just an ordinary semi-functioning human being.

I've read many, many books and loved them, only to come back to them later and find they were … less deserving of my matured tastes. Sometimes books meet us at the right time. If Mistborn was, or is, one such book for you, I would be a jerk and a fool if I tried to tell you that you were wrong for liking it. That isn't what this is. But, if you're at all curious why I didn't like it the way you did, here are my thoughts.

Instead of trying to construct some long elaborate essay, I've decided to present my reading notes as I was writing them. If you're at all familiar with my SPFBO9 opening reads thread, this is in a similar, though much protracted style. This is my travelogue of the first few chapters. If these notes are rough or feel stilted in places, I'm sorry. I DNF'd the book a few months ago, and I found in trying to clean up my notes that I was making up commentary to fill in gaps and I don't think that's fair. I've tried to provide some context where I could.

Pages referenced are from the first mass market edition, published August 2007 by Tor

My Notes:

Starts well enough. Interesting introduction to the fantastic elements of the environment (the ash fall) and the enslavement of the skaa. Some neat 2nd world titles “obligator,” etc.

Not great, not riveting, but competent introduction of world and one protagonist, Kelsier. He doesn't know what to do with Vin, though. Disconnect between the characters as we're told they are and their actions. Lacking coherent motivation.

(P.5)The slave that stands and stares defiantly sending a chill through the lord so-and-so is a bit melodramatic. Both actions struck me as over the top.

(writing note)…too many “of courses”

The writing is competent and descriptive. The Mist at night is another interesting setting detail.

(p.6) I immediately dislike Kelsier. “I’ll have to cure them of that (fear of the mist) some day.” This is has an unsympathetic arrogance about it. If this is also the man who stared defiantly at lord-so-and-so, hes blasé about endangering these people, and seems to look down on them, much like lord-so-and-so. I suspect this impression is not intentional. I suspect I’m supposed to think him strong and clever. We’ll see.

(7) rolling his eyes at these people. This seems intentional. But it’s also annoying.

(10) beatings beatings beatings. These “peasants” and their daily beatings. Did I mention the beatings? Their lives are harsh! There are beatings!

(‘) what is this talk about Tepper “leading” the skaa? Leading them how? They’re slaves! What decisions are they making? No, really. What is this forced little conflict? It’s pointless.

(‘) “How do you do that?” “What?” “Smile all the time” - there’s no reason for him to ask this. It’s unmotivated dialogue. How do you smile all the time? How? No. Why, sure. “You keep smiling. Is something about our home funny to you?”

(19-20, ch.1) I’m having trouble with Sandersons storytelling. This is coming across as heavy handed and simplistic. Here’s Vin. She was betrayed. There are betrayals. This boy who came to get her who’s nice enough will also betray her. But the ash is free…

I wonder if we’re going to slowly work through the alphabet section by section. Ash, then beatings and betrayal… who knows what could be next? Crime? I bet it’s crime.

Also - Reen’s sayings and betrayal. I think in general I find it a bit affected when we meet a character and they’re immediately thinking of their backstory … but that’s probably not fair of me. I think what comes across as affected is Sandersons execution. There’s a very light fiction - YA quality about Vin’s angsty introduction. I might have loved it if I read it at 14, but not now.

I’d like to think of an example of what would be more appealing to me - the introduction of a character with similar enough circumstances… Actually, Gideon the 9th might be a good example. We get to hear Gideon’s voice in the prose and the dialogue and get a strong sense of her character as well as the specific and very interesting world building details of how she got into the 9th house. Here, Reen’s betrayal is left completely unexplored, and so I wonder why bring it up at all except for that cheap YA punch in the gut of “my brother betrayed me and now I’m here.”

Maybe Sanderson felt some necessity to move faster here. He wanted to get to the city theiving … but it isn’t working for me, so obviously I think it was a mistake. Obviously he was hoping this would create a sense of anticipation that we would eventually find out HOW Vin’s brother betrayed her, but because he leads with it and then doesn’t explain it, it makes it seem like it doesn’t really matter HOW Vin was betrayed, what’s important is that she was betrayed and now she doesn’t trust anyone. It’s just a bit weak.

THE HEAVY HANDEDNESS (People being mean to Vin - her hard life) (21) the slap in the face (23) Theron looking Vin up and down - “eyes lingered on her … running down the length of her body. … She was hardly enticing (didn’t even look 16); some men preferred such women, however.” (24) “what do you know?” “Enough” - Vin hurts her, expositional dialogue about her brother’s debt and selling her to a whorehouse.

(25) fearing Vin would disappear in a scene she doesn’t have much to do during, we get these unnecessary interjections of her watching the interaction, followed by the explanation of Camon thinking Vin is his good luck charm. This should have been presented earlier, because it just interrupts the dialogue here. But also, it feels inaccurate after Vin made such a useful critique of Camon’s servants. She seems much more useful in other ways than a luck charm, and comfortable offering her criticism without the slightest hesitation.

This chapter ends rather abruptly and without much Go to it. Vin uses her Luck and gets our stuffy official to consider her boss’s mundane business proposal.

The notion that Camon brings Vin along because he thinks of her as his luck charm feels really thin, especially on a job like this where everyone has to look the part. Which raises an important question: what was Vin doing there? I mean literally. Why didn’t Camon have SOMETHING for her to do. Camon didn’t dress her up in any part, she didn’t have any kind of cover story as his daughter or nurse or anything. Just some kid in the room dressed … who knows how while important official business is discussed. She just floats somewhere, doing nothing, as far as anyone is concerned.

VIN’S MOTIVATION Where is it? What does she get out of making this work for Camon if he has no idea what she’s doing? Why is she avoiding him if this is such an important job? Why is she helping him at all?

The pieces are there, but Sanderson doesn’t put them together.

Camon should know about Vin’s ability to “smooth things over” in some capacity. This would give him a serious reason for her being there on this crucial job. Vin should be motivated to help him because if this lucrative job works out, it will go a long way towards paying off her brother’s debt. Now suddenly there is a sense of urgency for her instead of just having a bad time owned by a “crew leader” getting slapped around. The scam itself isn’t enough. Frankly, it’s kind of boring at this point. It’s a slow moving beurocratic swindle.

(32) Kelsier. Sanderson is doing a good job introducing some thieves’ cant here as Dockson and Kelsier are planning their job, talking about how they need a “Smoker.” Someone is a good Tineye. The loss of a man to the Steel Ministry underscores the mortal risk these men are taking. But … there’s something about all this crime play that feels a bit cute, like Sanderson had only a passing, generic understanding of (fictional) gangs/criminal organizations. He’s spent his world building energy on the fantasy aspects of the story - the dystopian Tolkien Lord Ruler and Steel Ministry, skaa, ashfalls, mist - but not on developing the criminal world of the characters, linguistically speaking. They’re all crews working on a job headed by a crew leader. This is the world we’re living in, most immediately, and yet it feels the most underdeveloped.

“Kelsier shook his head. ‘No. He’s a good Smoker, but he’s not a good enough man.’ Dockson smiled. ‘Not a good enough man to be on a THIEVING CREW … Kell, I have missed working with you.”

This stopped me dead. I laughed at the book and put my hand over my eyes. “Thieving crew” is just silly. It’s sixth grade D&D language, but even more ridiculous is the sentiment of Dockson’s statement: that character is somehow a moot point because they are criminals. It’s as if he’s saying: we’re breaking the law, so we’re the bad guys, and bad guys don’t work with “good men.”

Here we see Sanderson’s shallow understanding of the characters he’s portraying. They are stealing from slavers who exist in the service of a brutal, oppressive dictator. But put that aside, and consider we’ve just been told one of their ilk had been caught and beheaded by the Ministry. The risk these people are facing couldn’t be higher. Working with people they can trust, a stand up guy or a “good man,” would be one of the most important things to them. From their point of view a “good man” doesn’t mean a patron saint of the poor, but it means a hell of a lot. If a guy is a drunk who cheats on his wife, you can’t trust him not to turn on you. If he gambles too much, you can’t trust him not to gamble on your safety. He doesn’t keep his apartment clean, how can you trust him to be conscientious about keeping you alive. It all matters - even more so because he’s on a “thieving crew.”

Now, Sanderson probably didn’t give this line more than a moment's thought. He was writing fast and sailed right over it. But that’s exactly the problem. It gives the book a kind of childish, YA feeling.

(33) “Kelsier turned with curious eyes.” I’ve written lines like this, but I almost always revise them because I write about eyes too much. The point is his eyes aren’t curious, Kelsier is, and it shows on his face. I can’t picture curious eyes, and I’m sure you can’t either. And I would cut the next line of dialogue - going to chastise my brother … we already know he was going to do this because he said so, and the line just isn’t very good anyway. A look of curiosity from Kell, and the promise from Dockson “it’ll be worth your time,” gets us out of the section better. Sometimes the best repartee between characters is a look.

(33-34) the scenes with Vin remain heavy handed, and affected. This section adds almost nothing to the story accept for the disappointingly narrow view of a fantasy underworld that the women in it are only ever whores. This from a world crawling with Smokers and Tineyes? I think not. The clumsy presentation of Vin’s awful life is what makes these sections particularly affected. With her particular ability to use her Luck, I can’t help but wonder why she’s even still here. That seems to be the story to me. Not the abuse, but why she remains when she clearly has the power to get out. She can smooth over deals with reps from the SM, but she hasn’t thought to calm some member of the crew and then just … walk? Go literally anywhere in the city and use her Luck to get work where she won’t be whipped and slapped. It seems like the easiest thing in the world, so why hasn’t she done it? This is what the story here could have been, and it would have been so much more interesting.

Obviously she has to be there so Sanderson can have terrible things happen to her so she can be saved by Kelsier just like he saved the other raped scaa girl (let’s all take a moment to roll our eyes) and then her character can have a trajectory from passive victim to active hero - but that’s an excuse, and excuses don’t make good stories.

That said, as is, these two pages could be cut entirely and with very minor revision to the next session, nothing would be lost. It introduces a hideout we don’t need to know about, abuse that is redundant, over the top and unmotivated, and then Camon says “it’s time.” It’s just a prelude, in which nothing happens, before the actual scene. So just cut to the actual scene.

(36) we finally find out what the Camon job was supposed to be, I suspect because Sanderson finally decided what the details were. It would have been much more interesting to know this earlier, just like it would have been more interesting to understand about the particulars of Vin’s brothers betrayal earlier, so we could understand the context of the story being told.

But a LARGER ISSUE continues to emerge. First Camon tells Vin nothing about his plans. She says she is apparently the only crew member who didn’t know what was going on. Then, as they sit in the waiting room, in the vey belly of the obligator beast, he tells her everything. Why? Because Sanderson wants us to know even though he never decided who this character was.

He wants her to be a passive victim of inordinate abuses by a group of irredeemable villains, who only avoids constant sexual assault through the exhausting use of her secret magic so she can be saved and then learn how to be powerful later. But he also wants her to be a smart, capable member of Camon’s crew who is considered as such, because he knows passive protagonists aren’t interesting and because he wants us, the reader, to know what’s going on, and also think that Vin is cool. She can’t be both at the same time. She either needs to be less of an abject, pathetic victim, or she needs to be less involved in this big important scam - and that means she knows less about it and does less to make it work. As is, he’s done too little with either idea of her character and both Vin and Camon are an unmotivated mess.

(42) steel inquisitor. Cool, creepy, disgusting - something straight out of hellraiser.

(43) “Besides, I’m not about to let a possible Mistborn slip away from us” Ah!

Ch3 (45) after the meeting with the obligator (that was a trap), is the first time Vin ever expresses any interest in getting away. Much too late Sanderson gives us a much too thin reason why Vin hasn’t run away (considering the conflicting versions of her character as mentioned before). It’s little more than an afterthought.

(47) in no more than 2 pages Vin goes from never thinking she could make it on her own to leaving for good, telling herself she’d survived sleeping in alleyways before, she could do it again and - “Reen had taught her how to scavenge and beg. Both were difficult in the Final Empire … but she would find a way, if she had too.”

So far, this is all based on a bad feeling. More motivation conflict - Vin has no problem telling Camon directly how his plans won’t work and that he should change the way the servants are dressed, helps him succeed with her luck in both plans, but sees no reason to tell him “I have a bad feeling about this. That was too easy. Why did that obligator suddenly agree. Doesn’t this seem weird to you?”

Sanderson has many of the right pieces, but he hasn’t been able to put them together coherently.

(45)(And, just as an aside, I’m not sure why a girl who has spent to book so far reiterating to herself that EVERYONE WILL BETRAY ME is going out of her way to tell Ulef she has a bad feeling and to get him to come with her. Sanderson says “if he would go with her, then at least she wouldn’t be alone.” But he has also up until this point defined her character by a near constant desire to be alone - when she is introduced sitting in the window of the hideout thinking her brothers word “Vin wasn’t on duty; the watch-hole was simply one of the few places where she could find solitude. And Vin liked solitude. ‘When you’re alone, no one can betray you’- (37) at the “It’s just another betrayal, she thought sickly. Why does it still bother me so? Everyone betrays everyone else. That’s the way life is … She wanted to find a corner - someplace cramped and secluded - and hide. Alone.”

(47) "Bringing Ulef was a good idea. He had contacts in Luthadel." These after the fact explanations are no good. This isn't Vin thinking this, it's the author coming up with more justification for Vin's action, but in order for her character to seem active and motivated, this needed to be revised into the section where Vin decides to bring Ulef. Now it's just tacked on - oh, yeah, and, by the way, if you weren't sure it made sense for Vin to do this, Ulef probably knows people. So, there.

It doesn’t wash. Who is this girl? Can she not stand the idea of being alone, or is it the one and only thing she wants? Is she strong and resourceful in spite of her circumstances, or is she a passive victim? Does she believe everyone will betray her, or does she desperately want to believe otherwise because she can’t live in such an unkind world? Sanderson doesn’t seem to have been able to make up his mind. Maybe some of these details were added in revision on the suggestion of beta readers and the result is a checkerboard character. I’ve seen that before where you make a suggestion to a writer and they add your suggestion but they don’t make the necessary changes to the rest of the book so that the new material earns its place, they just throw it in and dust off their hands - job well done, gotta stay on schedule to publish! But now I’m just writing fan fiction about Sanderson’s process. I don’t know.

(55) Vin’s “weakness” - the contradictions/inexactitude of characters seems to be an ongoing issue for Sanderson, at least for Vin. Is she weak and has to pretend to be strong, or is she strong and often chooses to pretend to be weak (so far she has seemed to be weak and act weak, other than her Luck).

Well, that's as far as I got. Kel shows up just in time to be the wrath of justice for Vin. He's the superman who will make everything alright for this feckless girl. Our hero. Did Sanderson lay it on thick enough? Did you get that these people were all so irredeemably and stupidly bad? Aren't you so glad this strong man has shown up to be Vin's vengeance, just like had been telegraphed all along?

Sorry, I don't mean to be sarcastic. This part of the narrative really isn't so bad, its just been so heavy handedly and clumsily lead up to that there's no thrill in it for me. It isn't a bit satisfying. I'm just glad I don't have to read about any of these shallow side-characters anymore. Except, I have no intention to read on, so I don't have to read about any of them anymore.

Is this book bad? Yes and no. I don't want to read any more, and only read as far as I did as an examination of storytelling, so for me its bad. You only get so many eyerolls before I have to say that. The sentences are very clear and coherent. On their own, they are coherent. Together, they fail to paint of picture of coherent characters who drive the action of the story. If you don't have that, at least in my book, you've got nothing.

The images work. The setting, in its broad strokes, is eveocative. I'd love to set a DnD campaign in a world of ash and a dark lord and all that (I'm not the least mad about the cliché of the dark lord, by the way. Who doesn't love archetypical stories?) But, as near as I can tell, there are no human beings in this book. No one is real. The characters are just that, only characters in a book. They are paper cutouts. They fall flat when the hand of the author isn't pushing them around and making them do things.

Fans often hold Sanderson up as the gold standard of a fantasy author who produces work fast. And having read this far into Mistborn, I can say this about it: It reads like it was written fast.

Yes, Mistborn was an earlier book of his, so I can't judge him by it alone. But it is a work that is so often held up as a favorite by his readers. That's why I picked it up, to see what all the fuss was about. There were many things I enjoyed, but what I enjoyed wasn't the narrative. The story and the characters who moved it were the thing that I enjoyed least. The unique magic and broad setting details and description of places and creepy Inquisitors were what I liked best. The proper nouns were fun.

But proper nouns don't make a story for me. So I did not finish Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson.

If I were looking for a light fantasy read that I didn't have to take seriously and I could pick up and put down whenever I wanted because it was never that exciting or particularly witty or clever, but managed to string along one event after another and kept them going, more or less, whether it made much sense or not, until the end, I think Mistborn would be a fine book to dip into. Lots of people have read it. But then, that seems to me to be its major appeal. It’s a book you can talk about with other people.

It's not enough for me, though. There's lots of fun fantasy books out there that feel more coherent, and, well, INTERESTED in the story they're telling. Interested in violence and revolution and crime in an oppressively totalitarian, dystopian world. Interested in the plight of a young girl who only wants … well, what does she want? To be safe? But the only way she finds she can be safe is to go toward danger and realize how very strong she is? Maybe this story would like to be that, but it hasn't been for the first 60 or so pages.

Sanderson's novel felt more interested in the large and vague story shapes around the characters - a city, a dark lord, slavery, soot snow, bad mist, some kinds of magic, and (I cringe to say it) rape and thieving and beatings - but not in the world of their lives.

I've heard good things about The Way Of Kings from people who did not like Mistborn either, but its safe to say at this point that I have reservations about my reading tastes being a good match for Sanderson's work, at least at this point in time.

If I'm looking for fun I'd rather read another swanky, noir fantasy by Douglas Lumsden any day, or the next gothic gaslamp fantasy mystery by Morgan Stang, or discover my next favorite author, indie or otherwise.

I don't think Mistborn was terrible by any stretch of the imagination. Sanderson has delighted readers for over a decade now! He's prolific, hard working, and he delivers what his fans want, and he and they continue to be richly rewarded for his efforts. He is a Name in the genre, often listed alongside the greats. And why not? Isn't pleasing readers what this is all about? Taylor Swift has oceans of adoring fans, and she's no less deserving of her accolades. Brandon Sanderson is the Taylor Swift of fantasy, you could say. I just don't like her music either.

#books and reading #brandon sanderson #Mistborn #book review #book critique #dnf #fantasy books

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pumpkinmetaphor · 8 months ago

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🥘😱😁🙌 for the ask meme! Sits in your inbox with my big rainbow swirly lollipop

side note I hate that it's called an ask meme. This isn't a meme. What's so funny about it. It's so stupid there's nothing intended to be funny why are they calling it a meme this is like when I was 7 and would ask my dad if I could play videogames so he'd go on YouTube and put on a video playthrough of a game thinking that's what video games meant

☝️🤓 um ackshually...

The term "meme" originates from Dawkins's "The Selfish Gene" and is defined as a "replicator" and a "unit of cultural transmission." So a meme is not defined by how funny it is, a meme is defined by being passed on and changed and adapted and propogated and disseminated, now almost entirely understood in the context of online media. So an "ask meme" is called that because it's a cultural unit (understood by Tumblr culture, specific niche, specific demographic) that is being passed around and changed etc. Quote: "Examples of memes are tunes, ideas, catch-phrases, clothes fashions, ways of making pots or of building arches. Just as genes propagate themselves in the gene pool by leaping from body to body via sperm or eggs, so memes propagate themselves in the meme pool by leaping from brain to brain via a process which, in the broad sense, can be called imitation."

(dragged out via cane before I can start talking about Baudrillard)

ACTUALLY ANSWERING NOW

🥘What wip are you most excited about?

Aside from the new chapter dropping in the next hour or two? Chapter 11. Other than explicitedly chapters of Okay, Cupid! would be probably a side one-shot I have that functions as a chapter 11.5.

😱What's your greatest fear as a fanfic writer?

2 things. One, that people would feel something I've put a huge amount of time and effort into writing and THEY'VE put a huge amount of time and effort into reading jumps the shark at the last hurdle. I've been sitting on Chapter 9 for a while, and will probably be delayed with each chapter going forward because, despite planning this all out in like May 2023, I keep being like "oh no...what if this is the final cringey ooc straw for the reader?"

Two, I teach. I don't particularly fear my students finding my ao3 as much as I fear them finding my tumblr through my ao3 or any of my writing from when I was a preteen or a teenager. I also have less of a fear of them finding my fic and thinking eurgh she's so cringe lmao and more of a fear of them finding my fic and being like "this is poorly constructed and ill conceived, and you think you can grade our essays?" I wake up in a cold sweat.

😁What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

All of these make me very very happy. But my heart does soar whenever I get a comment. I do read my bookmark comments, appreciate my kudos, and enjoy Tumblr asks once I get over the initial sense of dread upon seeing the notification and thinking I'm getting hatemail. But I sometimes just reread my ao3 comments to myself, kicking my feet. Helps me get over the aforementioned fears that I'm going to start producing garbage.

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

You're going to have to wait and see some of them in the next chapter. BUT. I'll pick one or two bits that I think are my magnum opus from Okay, Cupid! Even if my writing for Homestuck is probably better tbh.

If "Kyoya and Kaoru went to see Venus in fucking Fur on Valentine's Day" has no automatic gigglers, then I'm dead. Sometimes you've got to laugh at your own jokes.

likewise, out of anything I've published for this fic so far, this entire scene with Akito was my favourite to write

kyokao equivalent of "you wear fine things well" in my head. Way to make it awkward. I struggle a lot as someone who worked as a scriptwriter and an animator to get actions and physical expression across in writing. This is one of the only parts I'm actually satisfied gets the physical action down without being overly clunky. Imo!

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newtsfrogstoads · 2 years ago

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your username compels me to ask: favorite species each of frog, newt, and toad? any non-frog/newt/toad amphibians you particularly like?

my favorite frog is the golden mantella but honestly all the tiny brightly colored poisonous ones are delightful

These are such hard questions for me. There's so many species that deserve their own essays. I think I'll break this ask into several posts and answer each question over time because I could ramble about amphibians forever.

Let's start with frogs. My favorite frog would have to be Diane's bare-hearted glass frog AKA the Kermit frog:

I really really adore glass frogs. They're small, cute, and are fucking rad scientifically speaking. There's very few translucent land creatures because, unlike in the deep blue where light reflects very differently than in the air, it's hard to hide yourself and your innards (especially those bright red blood cells). But these little frogs with their semi-see-through tummies and limbs disappear to predators by making themselves look transparent:

These frogs are nocturnal too, so you would think they'd be more visible when they're asleep during the day when the light is brighter. Nope. They become more translucent by MOVING NEARLY 90% OF THEIR RED BLOOD CELLS INTO THEIR LIVER:

Glass frogs are so good at hiding that even their blood can hide. This if insane because it doesn't even cause blood clots. Scientists are trying to figure out how these frogs do it to see if they could solve clotting issues in humans with this same mechanism.

Of course, Diane's bare-hearted glass frog became my favorite of the glass frogs due to its resemblance to my childhood icon:

This unique frog species was discovered in Talamanca Mountains of Costa Rica around April 2015 by researchers Brian Kubicki, Stanley Salazar, and Robert Puschendorf from the Costa Rican Amphibian Research Center. It was named after Kubicki's mom :)

It's discovery also caused such a huge stir on the internet that even Disney published a QA with Kermit talking about it. I think they scrubbed the video, but I did find some quotes from articles that I think are gold:

"The reason this new frog looks so much like me is that her mother and my mother are sisters. It’s a family resemblance.”

“Yes, we’re cousins. In fact, I’m related to every single frog in the world, and I’m close to most toads, too."

"Googly eyes run in our family."

"Shorten your name if you want to make it in show business. Maybe something catchy like Diane Glass or Kermina Kardashian."

"Being green is easy compared to being transparent. I thought that I blended in with so many other ordinary things. And that people tended to pass me over 'cause I wasn't standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky. But when you're transparent, folks really look right through you. It's almost like you're invisible… which might come in handy around Miss Piggy... I take it back. I want to be transparent."

#frogs #glass frog #amphibians #the muppets

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betterbooktitles · 1 year ago

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RIP Paul Auster. Here's a short piece about a time he came into my bookstore:

For a while, I've been hearing a lot of chatter about my first humor book How Not to Read: Harnessing the Power of a Literature-Free Life. No, I don't mean that I've been reading book reviews on Goodreads or the twisted rantings of my internet stalker. I've been hearing the hype (or underwhelmed sighs) about my book firsthand. I've been listening to customers from my semi-incognito perch behind the counter of an independent bookstore.

To all writers who want to know what people really think about their work, I can't recommend working as an incognito author-bookseller enough.

With a title like How Not to Read, I expected some vitriol from customers who misunderstood the concept. I thought 18 to 35-year-olds would especially love it but for a generation defined by its penchant for irony, we sure do know how to not take a joke. For the most part, people much younger than I am are the ones most offended. I hear little children with pained, screechy voices asking their mothers: "Why would someone write this?" to which the mothers reply "I don't know sweetie," as if informing the kids about death for the first time. Another favorite is hearing a sixteen-year-old say "who would do this?" over and over with the type of outrage reserved only for political candidates who claim Barack Obama wasn't born in the United States. The answer is "I would" but I keep it to myself. I want to see how far it goes. I keep waiting for someone to impulsively tear the book to shreds. That's how mad some people sound.

But most people who read a lot, get it. They come into the store, they laugh at the cover, the very concept of a guide to helping people read less is funny! It tickles them. They flip through the book and laugh and laugh and laugh, then put the book down and promptly leave the store without buying it.

"Wait!" I yell, "What didn't sell you on this book?" (I'm careful not to reveal who I am at these moments).

"Well," the person responds, "I'm just not in the mood to laugh right now." Not in the mood… to laugh? I wouldn't want to see this person at a restaurant: the waiter comes to the table and says "How were your appetizers?" and this person responds: "you know, food just isn't my thing…" I thought everyone was in the mood to laugh, but this was one of my many misconceptions about readers before working in a bookstore.

I've been working in this store for about a year, during which time I've spent countless hours talking about my own book, trying my hardest not to tell every person who enters the store that I wrote it lest I lose my ability to observe the impartial reaction of customers. Tip to published writers, though: if you can hand your own book to a customer and say "this is my book and you should buy it," people usually do. Most of the time they buy the book because they're excited to tell people they've met you, and sometimes they buy the book because you made it very awkward for them to leave the store without doing so. Keep eye-contact. Don't show fear. Always be closing.

Deciding when and when not to be the incognito author has many humbling benefits. Though the big lesson it teaches you most first-time authors are already know: the number one review of your book won't be a petulant rant. Your number one review will be silence. People will walk in, they'll read ten pages of your book, and without so much as an indecisive "hmm" they will disregard your book forever. As Oscar Wilde said: “There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” I'll take the petulant rant any day over nothing.

At the risk of this essay becoming like If on a winter’s night a traveler, the more I sell my book in secret, the more my real life mimics a Paul Auster-y meta-literary detective novel where I keep spying on people to figure out who will like the author (me) the most. It keeps getting weirder and weirder. People who have read the book now come in quoting a particular joke they didn’t like, then stand staring at me without laughing. I laugh uncomfortably to break the tension, but they refuse to crack a smile. Sometimes, I picture the future author version of me walking into the store while Current Dan is working as a bookseller. I see Future Me looking at the book nostalgically and saying “eh, this wasn’t my best!” then leaving me behind the counter alone to cope with what just happened.

The closest story I have to this Auster-esque fantasy is when the real-life Paul Auster came into the store the day of the book’s release. He leaned on the counter, aviators still on, and said: "How Not to Read, huh?" He was laughing! Laughing at the very idea of my book’s existence. Paul Auster gets it.

I took a sharp breath in. The owners of the store were so excited about my book that they gave me the entire front window for a day to promote the book. The same bright red cover in 8 by 8 rows and columns. I was suddenly embarrassed that I had published a book at all, and frightened that my literary hero might actually page through it in front of me.

Then I remembered I had something to tell him.

“Paul!” I watched as he took off his sunglasses. I had his full attention. “I originally had a section in this book that parodied the New York Trilogy, and you yourself were in it," I said excitedly. Then, before I could stop myself, I saw the words pour out of my mouth while my brain screamed ‘DAN. Don’t!’ I let this out:

“The editor suggested we cut it because no one would get the reference."

I watched Paul grimace. He pushed himself off the counter and put his aviators back on. “And that's why you never listen to editors!" he announced before abruptly walking out the door.

If I have any advice for a writer, it is this: spend ten years as an editor for other people while you work on your own stuff. You’ll get used to looking at words on paper as malleable and in need of repair. Maybe after a decade of cold perusals through the work of a stranger, you'll be able to whittle down your own work into a readable form. After that, spend another decade selling your published books in person at an indie bookstore. Twenty years in, you won't take anything personally. You'll be so used to rejection and snide comments, you’ll be impervious to criticism.

My only other advice is if you meet your hero during any stage of your literary development, don’t tell him he was cut from your book because he isn’t famous enough.

Subscribe for more fun pieces about bookselling and the like!

#funny #better book titles #lit #lol #humor #literature #books #reading #dan wilbur #writing #essays #essay #bookstore #paul auster #RIP

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thetomorrowshow · 5 months ago

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hey man. I was just going through a bunch of my stuff from 2 yrs ago and remembered that I started reading your stuff around then! unfortunately, that was around the same time a bunch of crazy stuff happened, and my depression started. I started thinking about all the stuff I was reading from you, and it reminded me of how much you've gotten me through!

I remember how exciting it would be to come home from school on Tuesdays, knowing that another chapter would be waiting for me. when you went on hiatus, I marked the first Tuesday of every month in my planner and calenders, just so that I wouldn't forget to read whatever you had out when I got home. i would reread your works when I was having a bad day, I would even read them in school. I remember I had a document of some of my favorite works so I could read them in school since almost every website was blocked back then.

you also got me into writing! i don't write much anymore, but when I did, I would do it a bunch. I would stay up late writing and coming up with new stories and dialect. my older sibling even thought I should try to get one of them published! writing got me through some tough times, too, and helped me when I was down. I don't know if I ever would've started writing if it wasn't for you. you inspired me so much. thank you.

the first fan fiction I ever read was on this platform. I read a few, and some of them I quit halfway through. It was kinda getting to the point where I was gonna stop reading fan fiction altogethe. then I found your superhero au. at the time, only the first chapter was out. I didn't know how to navigate this site much at that point, but I did everything in my power to see if you had any follow-up works. I think thats when I created this account (my first one), just so I could follow you. you're the first person I've ever followed here. I figured out your posting on Tuesdays at five (for me) schedule and read all of the time. you definitely peaked my reading time. I don't know if I'll ever read as much as I did then ever again.

because you got me so into fanfics, you also introduced me to the ao3, just by having your link in your description. I started using the ao3 then because it was way easier to find fics there than here. it was through the ao3 that I met my best friend. they're the only person who has fully respected me and cared about me. without you I wouldn't have that. without you I don't think I'd have anyone right now. thank you.

one tuesday, I didn't have the time to read one of your works. I was pretty upset at the time, but it worked out perfectly. the day after was probably the hardest day of my life. I was so lucky to have just that one new chapter to get me to the end that horrible event. i cant even come up with words to describe how much you helped me through that day. thank you.

what I'm trying to say here is that you've done so. much. for me. you've gotten me through so many hard times and made so many connections for me. everyone has that one thing: a show, a movie, a book, an influencer, that they turn to when things are looking rough. something that can't hurt them or betray them, like anything they see in real life, in person. for me, that was you and your stories. you were my idle. and although I'm in a new chapter of my life, you and your works still hold a very special place near and dear to my heart that will never go away. I'll read whatever you give me until the day I die.

sorry for the long essay-ish ask that wasn't even an ask lol! I really didn't expect it to get this long. It also probably has a lot of grammar issues and some parts probably dont make any sense, seeing as im not going to read this over or make any corrections. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable through all this, i dont mean to come across as parasocial or any of the sort, I just needed you to know how much you've done for me (and judging by the amount of people reading your works, I'm probably not the only one). you don't have to post this, especially if it made you uncomfortable in any way. I'm not asking for a reply, and I don't expect one. I only wrote this so you can see the impact you've made, even if it's small. my brother has been wanting to watch a movie with me for a while now, so I'm gonna do that now. who knows if I would be here, able to watch movies with my brother today, if it wasn't for you.

thank you.

I have been hoarding this ask for a very long time. Thank you, anon. <3

#fave #ask #anon #i have no words but yeah #this makes my life complete #literally be my best friend #i'm so bad at responding to things in a timely manner but you can feel free to dm me any time #im just. wow. i love you anon #and im honored #and i wanna read your stuff #<3<3<3

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snorlaxlovesme · 7 months ago

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Tag game! What are you top 10 fandoms of all time? Name them and then tag ten more people. Feel free to write as much or as little about why you like them! I'll start. (thanks for tagging me, Howl! @howlingmoonrise)

Soul Eater - I 100% would not be the writer I am today without the Soul Eater fandom. Back in like 2013-2015 I was having the time of my life online because every day I was either writing for a prompt or reading a fic of a prompt I sent someone else. Everybody in that fandom was so supportive and sweet, I truly do miss those days because that community introduced me to how much FUN a fandom could be.

Yuri on Ice - There's truly nothing more fun than being a part of a fandom for an ORIGINAL anime, with no previously published source material. I just recently re-watched YOI with my sister and while it's obviously a stunning show on its own, I kept trying to describe to her the fandom experience after each episode dropped and I couldn't properly encapsulate how unhinged things were in a way that would make sense to her. Truly a you-hand-to-be-there kind of Moment, and I'm glad I was. Like, where were you when the last minute of episode 10 dropped? WHO were you, afterwards? Words cannot describe.

Link Click - Truly I don't know where you've been for the past year if you've somehow missed how insane I am (and everyone else is) about this show. I have been writing an essay in my head for the past WEEK that I really need to type out one of these day because the structure of season 2 is the most psychotic storytelling I've ever seen. And AGAIN, an original show with no source material!! This is fandom at its PEAK!! Especially since since, unlike YOI, this is show has MYSTERIES to be solved, mysteries that you actually CAN unravel if you watch the show closely enough. Nothing more delicious to a fandom than that. I'm going to be a maniac December 27th. This is your chance to unfollow me now.

The Raven Cycle - I'm not like, a booktok or bookstagram or booktube person because I unfortunately don't read as much as I'd like, but the aforementioned sister is, and I've asked her "I know a lot of these influencers are normally reading current books, but have any of them read TRC?" and the answer threw me off so much? Because she said yes, a few of the people she followed HAD read The Raven Boys, but maybe of them didn't finish it and thought it sucked!! Imagine!! Now when I started reading TRC I already had a lot stacked in its favor: I had read Shiver by Stief and loved it, so I knew that her novels often had slow starts; half my dash was reading them and you know how it is when mutuals start reccing a thing; and finally, one of the best friends wanted to read them and suggested we start together. So I personally never had a problem getting into them, but from an outsider's perspective I can see how it's honestly a hard sell. And honestly? A big part of why these books REMAIN so close to my heard is because of the fandom. I have made so many friends because of TRC, talented amazing friends, writers and artists and just general lovers of the books.

Pokemon- Idk man. Being a Pokemon fan is a way of life, at this point. It's so intrinsically intwined with my daily life in so many ways. If you haven't experience the pure bliss of Pokemon fanfiction I'm not really sure what to tell you. I you weren't there on that fateful day on 11/11/22 to watch Ash Ketchum become a World Champion in real time I REALLY don't know what to tell you. Most of you were probably there for Pokemon Go, at least at the beginning. Remember how for a single summer it felt like world peace had been achieved? Pokemon did that. Me and @supreme-sauteer spent like 6 months of this year playing Pokedoku every single day.

Avatar: The Last Airbender - I was reluctant to include this on my list purely because Legend of Korra was like my first real fandom and it was one of the most toxic environments to have as one's jumping off point. There was absolutely no decorum there, people would harass Bryke AND each other on the daily and the ship wars were brutal. But despite it all, I do have many found memories of it too, and the ATLA renaissance of 2020 was a good time for all because of all the good meta content that came out of it. Plus I listen to the Braving the Elements Podcast host by Janet Varney and Dante Basco, and the cabbageheads there are really fun people who love engaging with the show in really thoughtful ways.

Miraculous Ladybug - Listen I am not a part of this fandom anymore since I stopped watching near the end of season...four? Maybe? But that doesn't take away how nostalgic I am for the pure mania this fandom was in the early seasons. I have to give props to this fandom for the dedication they had to wrangling the episodes as they were released in French, English, Korean, etc to organize them and sub them properly so everyone could watch. And the FANWORK that came from this show!! It was such a delight. The memes week by week were hysterical, all the thousand ways you could ship TWO people was so much fun. The art and the fanfiction from Miraculous Ladybug is so unhinged and silly and passionate and I miss being a a part of it.

Big Brother - Most would not know this from my blog because I never talk about it here, but I am diehard Big Brother fan and have been since the beginning. 26 seasons and I've missed TWO. If you've ever talked to me at length during the summer I've probably ghosted you in the middle of a conversation because BB was on. It's the reality show that I truly think would break me mentally but I also fully believe I'd fucking win. Genuinely really want to be a houseguest one day. I watch a TON of analyses about Big Brother on Youtube and all of my family watches it. Every year we do a BB fantasy draft pick based off of contestants' initial interviews only. I've won the past 2 years in a row.

Jurassic Park franchise - We're getting into the weird ones now because I don't post about these on Tumblr despite the fact that they are my entire life. I am a diehard Jurassic Park fan and unfortunately a giant fan of the rest of the franchise despite the fact that most of the subsequent movies are garbage. But they are MY garbage, and I love them. And something that isn't garbage at all? Camp Cretaceous. One of the best shows ever created and SO much fun. But I'm involved in the fandom on the Youtube side of things because the Tumblr fans are a bunch of freaks only concerned with the ships.

Chaos Walking - A classic! The greatest novels of all time, if you haven't heard. This is the smallest fandom I've been a part of, and despite all my hopes and dreams of the movies expanding this trilogy's reach, it unfortunately had the opposite effect and had some people jumping ship because the movie really was THAT BAD. But that doesn't take away from the fondness I have for the fandom, and I expect in the upcoming years it will have an uptick again when the new trilogy comes out in 2026. You should unfollow me because of that, too, because I WILL lose my fucking mind. Did I mention they were the greatest novels of all time?

andd here's ten people to tag!

@flurrin @supreme-sauteer @kaen-ace-of-diamonds @cthulhu-with-a-fez @villainanders @ilarual @johnbottoms @ashxketchum @texasfave94 @mykingdomforapen

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