#or it was simply my anxiety that was making me an introvert?

[girlandthedarkness]

omg, my mbti changed for the first time in 5 year, I was taken the test time to time and it always was one answer: INFP, regardless of my moods or circumstances in my life, but now when I took the test random I got a new answer: ENFP What does that mean?

[canthelpit0]

“We’ll figure it out”

Pairing: Inexperienced!Matt x Inexperienced!Reader

Wordcount: 5.9k +

Summary: what happens when you hook up with your long time best friend? Except both of you are virgins.

Warnings: Smut, nasty, language, use of y/n, pet names (pretty boy, sweetheart, pretty girl, etc), reader has a cat named sun, study session, oral m!receiving, brief crying, oral f!receiving, praise kink, fingering, cowgirl, no protection (wrap it up!), she’s not on BC, creampie

(A/N: English is not my first language. So sorry for any mistakes. Feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy xx)

You have known the triplets since middle school, and you’ve been close to all of them.

Well, especially with Nick.

Everything was fine, you weren’t too popular, but you also weren’t overlooked. you were middle class, not poor but also not rich. You were pretty, but never got too much attention because of it.

Little do you know, but you’re gorgeous. If you wanted to you could easily be one of the popular girls in school. But you didn’t care for it. High school was temporary, and you knew that.

And that’s exactly what Matt admires about you.

Matt is pretty introverted, and especially around freshmen year, you and his brothers would quite literally have to force him to go to school.

Now he was more calm though. Sometimes his anxiety would mess with him, but he overcame it with you and his brother's help.

For the fact that you’ve only known them since middle school, you went over to their house quite a lot. But sometimes they’d come over to yours as well.

Matt was a virgin. Most people would think that. He’s awkward in social situations and pretty shy and introverted before you get to know him.

Though, he’s had a short-term girlfriend before. Wich, at least was something.

You never dated anyone. You never cared to. You’d much rather focus on your friends and school, than some boy.

You were a virgin. It wasn’t like you never watches porn, or were innocent really. You just never got to the point of losing it to someone. Everything you’ve done was by yourself.

Wich would be fine. But you were in senior year now, and the year was almost over. Most people around you had already lost it, and you felt left out.

You were sitting at lunch, listening to Chris drone on and on about some girl he hooked up with. You purse your lips, your apatite disappearing more and more.

Suddenly Chris looks over to you. “Y/n how was your first time?”

You tense up, Taking in a harsh breath.

“Chris! You don’t just ask shit like that” Nick huffs hitting Chris on the arm.

Matt, who was sitting next to you, puts his hand on your thigh in comfort.

You squint your eyes at Chris, judging him. Or at least you try to make it look judgy.

You lean further into Matt’s side. His physical presence was keeping you grounded.

And when matt noticed just that, he takes his hand off of your thigh and instead wrapped it around your waist to pull you even closer.

“That’s none of your business.” You huff staring back at Chris.

But internally you were embarrassed because you were still a virgin.

★ ★ ★

You had planned a sleepover and study night with matt a few days ago. Essentially, he’d come to your house on Friday, and you would study. until you got tired of it and watched a movie or something.

So after school matt drove his brothers home and then drove to your house.

You got out of the car, watching as Matt reached into the backseat to grab his overnight bag.

You couldn’t help but think back to lunch break when Chris had made that comment. Chris was a player, and you knew that.

But everybody around you had lost their v card, and you just felt so left behind.

Matt huffs snapping his fingers in front of your face. You blink. He takes the keys out of your hand, grabbing your forearm to pull you to the door.

“You back with me y/n/n?” Matt ask. He looks over his shoulder as he blindly fiddles with your house keys.

“Yeah, sorry. zoned out.” You answer simply.

Matt chuckles at the flat response. He looks back at the door and finally twists it open. You two both walk in, both of you taking your shoes on.

“Hello, we’re back” Matt says loudly into the room.

You put on your house shoes and so does Matt.

You look over your shoulder at Matt with an amused expression. “Matt they already left” you huff.

“What? I thought they were gonna leave at 4?” He asks, pulling out his phone from his jean's back pocket.

It’s 4.26 pm

“Oh.” He says flatly staring at his screen.

Your parents had driven out for the weekend to your grandparents house. It was a few hours away. You hadn’t wanted to go, because for one you had already made plans for the sleepover with Matt.

And also because you had the test on Monday and you wanted to study the weekend away.

You were probably not going to anyway, but in theory..

“Yeah. oh.” You roll your eyes. Your siblings went with your parents so the house was empty. It’d be the perfect opportunity for a house party.

But you weren’t one to party, and your parents trusted you.

You and Matt walk to your kitchen. Well, it’s just matt trailing behind you.

“You want a drink?” You ask simply while you take out a Pepsi can for yourself and then put it on the counter nearest.

Matt comes up behind you. He looks over your shoulder scanning the contents of the fridge.

“Pepsi please,” he says under his breath.

You take out another can and then proceed to put it next to your can on the counter.

You slam the fridge door shut. You feel Matt turn you around before he’s hugging you. His arms wrap around your waist as he buries his face in your neck.

Matt had always been a big softie. No matter how much he loves to deny it he loves hugs and being all sappy and shit.

His own love language was acts of service though. He’d do anything for someone he likes.

And so if he finds a song that reminds him of you, he’ll tell you. If you are hungry, he’s immediately googling places to eat. If you look slightly sad or upset, even though you just have a resting bitch face, he’s immediately doing something stupid to make you laugh.

You know each other in and out.

He knows you love physical touch. So he’d make it a point to hug you at least once a day.

The day was long and draining. It was a normal boring school day.

His hug is warm, his arms feel firm around you.

And despite not having known him since kindergarten or something, it feels like you’ve known him forever.

You can’t think of any future scenario without him in your life.

“You always smell so good” he mumbles, dramatically nuzzling his face into the side of your neck.

You chuckle at the compliment.

“Come on pretty boy, we gotta study.” You hum slightly pulling away. Matt dramatically groans in response but reluctantly pulls away.

You pick up the two Pepsi cans and start to walk back to the stairs.

Matt grabs both of your school bags and carries them upstairs with him.

Once you’re in your room you pull out your desk chair and sit down.

Matt puts both your backpacks against the wall. He walks towards the bed to sit down when he spots your cat.

“Sunny” he exclaims excitedly. As much as Matt would love to say he’s a dog person. He loves your cat.

She’s and orange Persian cat. Her hair is fluffy and long. She looks like a ball of hair all curled up in your bedsheets like that.

You look over to matt and your bed. You watch as your cat looks up at him and he coos at her. He slowly sits down and starts to pet your cat.

★ ★ ★

By now two hours of studying had passed. You were both now sitting on the floor on your carpet, the study material all sprawled out across from you.

You and Matt were sitting next to each other, your cat still sleeping on your bed.

“Matt I’m bored” you whine loudly. You throw your head back dramatically and groan.

Matt looks over at you watching you as you complain. He looks mildly agitated himself.

Before he can protest and tell you that you two need to continue studying you start to put the pages and books on top of each other.

Once no books and loose papers are sprawled out anymore you sit back again.

“Y/n” he rolls his eyes and you can feel the lecture incoming.

“Matt please, I’m literally about to die of boredom.”

“You’re so dramatic” he scoffs watching you.

And for a moment You two just look at each other. Neither of you say anything. You just stare. Your face relaxes out of the pout. Matt looks over your features like he’s admiring you for the first time. Like you’re a piece of art.

You can feel yourself start to grow hot. The tension in the room skyrockets.

“You’re so pretty you know that,” Matt says under his breath. Matt leans over on his arm leaning closer to you.

Your mind is blank, and you can’t come up with an answer. You just take in the compliment.

“So fucking gorgeous” he sighs and before either of you knew it his lips are on yours.

You freeze for a second your eyes wide. But like it’s an instinct you immediately kiss back.

Matt’s hand finds its way to your jaw holding you in place, while he tilts his head to the side to deepen the kiss.

You were sitting Chris-cross while Matt was sitting on his legs, sitting just a bit higher than you.

After a while of just innocently kissing, he pulls away. You two stay close though. His eyes instantly widen as if he knew he fucked up.

“Fuck- I’m sorry” he breaths out, taking his hand from your face.

You sit up. Uncrossing your legs. you shift to sit on them, fully facing a blushing Matt. And you’re sure you have a matching red hue on your cheeks as well.

“No.”

the statement catches Matt off guard. He immediately looks back over at you, confused.

As soon as he looks back over at you, you reconnect your lips with his. He sighs into the kiss. His open mouth grants you the opening you need as you swiftly slip your tongue into his mouth.

You’re a virgin. That doesn’t mean you’re fully inexperienced tho.

You two make out heavily for a while. Making out like you’re trying to feel every part of each other.

Somehow you ended up in a position with you straddling Matt, as he has his legs sprawled out.

You pull away, both of you breathing hard.

“Y/n..” Matt starts his voice shaky.

He averts his eyes, the blush on his cheeks and even deeper red than before.

“I’m a virgin” he admits under his breath.

You thought for sure that Matt wasn’t. You were. But you also never dated anyone. Matt used to have a girlfriend though. But he’d never done it?

“Like fully?” You ask out of curiosity.

But it wasn’t like you wanted to use him. You liked him for being, himself. His presence made you flustered, feeling butterflies in your stomach, and all giddy.

“Yeah” he breaths out. You watch him close his eyes as if willing his embarrassment to leave. “I’ve never, done anything..”

You pause thinking of the best way to reply. “Neither have I.” You say softly, feeling mildly flustered as well. But both of you were inexperienced. You were in the same boat.

He pauses for a second at the reply. It was obvious that he thought you at least had one body. He didn’t think you were a virgin too.

“You… you wanna try?” He questions. Now he looks a lot less embarrassed than he did just a few seconds ago.

You bite the inside of your cheek. “If you want to?”

He pulls you back in for another kiss by the back of your neck. The kiss is shorter and more reassuring.

Matt pulls out of the kiss his hands going to your waist “We can figure it out?” He asks hopefully.

You nod in agreement. You could feel Matt’s bulge through his pants with the way you were sitting. And you could feel yourself aching.

What’s the harm in trying. He’s your best friend after all. Besides you’d finally lose it, and to someone you trust.

You peck his lips briefly before you get up off of his lap.

Matt gets up off of the ground too. You pick up your cat and wake her in the process. She meows at you in annoyance before you chuckle and put her on the ground.

Matt opens the door as Sunny finally but reluctantly leaves the room.

You pull off your shirt tossing it away. Matt turns around to see you sitting on your bed with your top discarded, your bra in full view. His eyes widen.

He licks his lips, his eyes shamelessly tracing your body.

Matt comes to hover over you while you sit there. “You’re such a tease” he chuckles. He leans down to capture your lips in a brief kiss again.

It was like he couldn’t get enough of your lips.

“Get on the ground,” Matt says, his tone more demanding and rough with lust.

You obey. You slide off your bed, getting on your knees on the ground.

Matt tugs his shirt off throwing it off to the side. He unbuckles his belt and undoes the button and zipper on his jeans before finally sliding them off and tossing them away.

You curiously watch. The only men you’d seen in this position were in pornos. This though, was your best friend since middle school.

Sometimes you forgot he was an actual man with a dick and all.

And right now, seeing the imprint of his cock through his boxers felt surreal.

He starts to tug on his boxers. Your eyes go up to meet his. “Ever gotten your dick sucked?” You ask sarcastically to cover up how nervous you are.

“No.” He breaths out. While continuing to look down at you he finally pulls down his boxers. He tosses them away too.

Your eyes trail from his eyes to his lips, over his jawline and his chest, down to his dick. The dick that was rock hard and right in front of your face.

Your eyes widen, as you sit back your hands staying on your knees as you just stare.

His tip was the same red he had on his cheeks, leaking pre cum. He had a vain running up his shaft. You always thought that male body part was rather disgusting looking.

But the way Matt’s looks right now…

You don’t know if it’s just the burning lust running through your body. But you actually really wanted to taste that.

Your hand goes to cup his aching cock. He lets out a sharp sigh at the feeling. You touch it gently. You don’t move your hand and stay careful of your manicured nails.

“I don’t know what I’m doing” you breathe out. While you do, you gently start to move your hand up and down your length slowly jerking him off.

“I don’t either,” he tilts his head forwards closing his eyes for a secound. “Keep going we’ll figure it out,” Matt assures you.

His hand goes to the back of your head. His hand starts to smooth down your hair.

“C’mon baby, don’t be shy” he coos staring down at you. Matt looks down at you like he’s done this a billion times before when he claims he never had.

But you guess one of you at least had to pretend that you were understanding what you’re doing right now.

You lean forward leaving a tender kiss on the tip. You do what you think someone would do in this situation.

The way he shudders at the simple touch though, shows that he is in fact, not experienced.

In hindsight, you don’t know why you thought that he was experienced. You just assumed.

“You think this will fuck up our friendship?” You ask while still slowly jerking him off.

Matt’s breaths are slightly shaky, but he chuckles at the question.

“No. I won’t let it.” He huffs.

“So..” you pause your movements. You glance down at his dick and the way your manicured hand wraps around it. And how huge it looks.

You then look back up at him through your lashes. “How am I supposed to do this?” You ask uncertainly.

“I don’t know.” He pauses to lick his lips. The way you, his best friend, look up at him through your lashes like that, was making him even more aroused.

“Just do what you feel like. But be careful of your teeth.” He says slowly. he wasn’t even sure himself.

You raise your eyebrow at his vague response. Neither of you knew how to do it, so you might as well imitate the porn that you’ve watched.

You drag you tongue up his shaft, keeping your eyes locked on his. When you’re at the tip you lick up all the pre cum leaking. You keep eye contact with matt, and it was driving him crazy.

He lets out shaky breaths. He was clearly enjoying this.

You kiss his tip again, before wrapping your lips around his tip. You slowly swirl your tongue around it trying to see how he’ll react.

You watch him to see if he likes it or not.

“Yeah, like that,” he says under his breath staring down at you.

With his praise and encouragement, you start to take him further down your throat. Slowly and carefully.

Matt whispers praises into the quiet room. All of them go right to your core and boost your ego.

You eventually feel comfortable enough to bob your head. You were jerking off what you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You were bobbing your head at a rhythmic pace and hollowing out your cheeks occasionally.

“I’m close-“ Matt whines. He actually whines.

And that sound. The power you had to make him sound like that was making you feel even more confident.

You don’t slow down your pace. You just keep going.

Until matt puts your hair in a makeshift ponytail. He tugs on it hard, to keep you still. He starts at a gentle but fast pace.

You feel your eyes fog up. The constant hit to the back of your throat makes you gag slightly.

His pace starts to become more and more sloppy as the seconds pass though.

You feel his dick hit the back of your throat before you suddenly feel your mouth be filled.

You feel his sticky load shoot down your throat. He pants, pulling at your hair to pull you off.

You swallowed what you could. But still, you feel a bit of it roll down your chin.

“Sh, sorry no don’t cry.” He immediately panics cupping your face in his hands. He looks down at you, worried. As if he thinks he went too far.

He wipes away the tears. The tears that you hadn’t even noticed had fallen.

Sighing, you can’t help the smile that forms on your face. “I’m okay Matty” you breathe out softly. His facial expression visibly relaxes at the statement.

“I’m sorry if that was too hard”

“It wasn’t, you’re good.” You stand up.

You immediately go to undo your own jeans. You slip out of them, throwing them off to the side.

His eyes roam over your body. The air is thick, both of your bodies pulsing with pure lust and awe.

You watch as his half-hard dick gets hard again.

You chuckle at the reaction. You teasingly take your bra off. And once you unclasp it, it’s Thrown across the room to the rest of your clothes.

His eyes trail your body again. He can’t help himself at the way your boobs look. He’s always admired you from afar. He never thought he’d ever be able to see you like this.

Sure he had imagined you two together like this before, but he never thought he’d actually get to see it. Besides, the real thing, the euphoria, it all felt better than he could’ve ever thought.

“So pretty, baby” he sighs. His hand goes to your chest. you could tell he’d never done this before just by the way he touched you like you were fragile.

But neither of you knowing what you were doing only made this more thrilling.

His hands go to your waist as he pushes you back onto your bed. He hovers over you for a moment, before crashing his lips back onto yours.

You kiss back, but you mostly let him take the lead. After he breaks the kiss, You feel him start to trail his kisses down your jawline and neck, while needing your breast in his hand.

He sits up again putting his other hand on your chest and needing it too, watching the way his hands look wrapped around your tits.

He sighs getting off of you and between your legs.

“Tell me when it feels good, sweetheart, alright?” He hums. He pulls at your panties, taking them off and half-heartedly throwing them away.

His eyes stay locked on your pussy. He admires it, like it’s the first time he’s seen it, which it is.

He puts your legs over his shoulders to give himself a better angle. He uses his middle finger to brush through your folds experimentally, watching you in awe.

You sigh at the contact on your folds. You’ve never been touched there. But Matt’s touch felt so incredibly comforting and good.

Your core was aching, pulsing around nothing. And Matt watched.

After a moment he kissed just above your clit. Kissing a trail down to your clit, before harshly starting to suck on it.

Your moan tears through the room. You were startled by how bold and confident he acted.

He groans into your core at your taste on his tongue. The groan sends pleasure coursing through you and chills down your spine.

“Fuck- matt” you whine. Your thighs clench around his head trying to get him closer. Your hand finds its way to his hair tugging on it slightly.

Your other hand berries in the sheets, trying to find something to hold onto. “God- have you done this before?” You ask rhetorically not expecting an answer.

He licks a stripe up your folds and starts to move his tongue against your sensitive nub. You whine and he chuckles.

“No.” He mumbles against you in answer. You throw your head back in pleasure your eyes briefly closing.

You feel Matt pull at you, tilting his head slightly for a deeper angle.

He was eating you out like you were his last meal. But beyond that also like this would be the only time he got to taste your sweet juices.

“Matt, fuck yeah- just like that.” You keep praising him. You notice how it boosts his confidence and in turn, makes this even more pleasurable for you.

You feel a finger brush at your cunt. Before you feel it slide in. Your hand immediately tugs harder at his hair. Your back arches slightly as you throw your head back in pleasure.

He thrusts his middle finger in and out of your tight cunt. He was turning his hand slightly, twisting it and turning it to get a feel for your body and how you react. And to also make you loosen up a bit.

You whine in discomfort. Matt detaches his lips from your clit still hovering close though.

“You okay sweetheart?” He says lowly under his breath.

Your moaning was loud and echoing through the room.

You sit up in your forearms staring down at him and the way he was fingering you like that. Watching the way his finger disappeared in your tight cunt.

“I’m good”

The words come up a bit slurred. The pleasure of him finger fucking you like that, was making your head feel all fuzzy.

“Never fingered yourself, baby?” He asks teasingly. You watch him and the way he steadies himself on his other arm.

He readjusts his finger, curling it up roughly hitting your sweet spot right on.

The touch sends shivers of pleasure down your spine making you shut your eyes and throw your head back.

“Matt, matt-“ you chant his name like a prayer. It’s the only thing you can think of. Him. And only him. That’s all that’s relevant right now.

He slips his second finger into your soaked core with ease. You barely even notice the second finger added. Until he starts to scissor them apart to stretch your insides even further.

He keeps thrusting his fingers in and out of you harshly. Curling them at just the right spots to make your vision blur.

You lay back down fully, as he is now sitting up more.

“Yeah pretty girl, that feel good?” He asks. Your back arches and your mouth falls open in a silent moan.

He leans up further, your legs fall from his shoulders as he hovers over your lower body. He puts his whole hand on your lower stomach applying gentle pressure on it to keep you down on the bed.

“I’m close-“ you breathe out between loud moans.

“good girl, come for me.” You shudder at the pet name. Your thighs shake slightly at the burning intensity of his gaze and the way his fingers curl at just the right spots.

You squirm under his gaze. And suddenly you feel the intense knot in your stomach snap. You feel him continue to finger fuck you, while your entire body feels burning hot.

You feel so warm and overwhelmed by the euphoria flowing through your veins. It feels better than any high you have ever experienced. Not that you’ve experienced a lot.

Once you ride out your high you breathe hard. Your eyes stay closed as you lay back on your bed.

Matt gently pulls out his fingers, making you whine at the loss of contact.

He lays down on your duvet next to you, turns to his side, and watches you.

You also turn to face him after a moment. You two just look at each other.

Matt looks at you with such intense adoration and love, it’s crazy.

“You actually wanna loose your virginity now?” He asks gently. Ignoring the fact that he was rock-hard.

You two so far had only given each other pleasure, but you hadn’t lost your virginity yet.

“Yes” you breathe out. You feel ready now more than you ever have before. Especially if you get to lose it to matt.

He licks his lips looking over your face.

“I don’t have a condom.” He says simply looking back at you. He knew you weren’t on the pill. He’d be fine doing it some other day.

“That’s fine.” You say though , catching him off guard. How desperate do you have to be to let him raw dog it?

“You’re not on the pill tho?” He questions.

“I’m not” you confirm simply. He raises an eyebrow waiting for further explanation. “You can pull out or something.” You shrug.

“That sounds tacky.” He huffs a laugh at how ridiculous that sounds.

“Doesn’t matter, we’ll deal with that tomorrow morning. Just please fuck me?”

You think he’s going to refuse Until he suddenly pulls you on top of him. You sit on his torso for a moment before you get the memo.

“You want me to ride you?” You ask slowly.

“If you’re not comfortable we can switch?” He offers. But why would you decline to ride him?

You shake your head no, before starting to slide down on his torso feeling his length glide between your soaked folds.

“Can’t be that hard?” You question rather skeptically.

In your opinion matt didn’t seem small. Though you had nothing to compare it to. All the girls in porn seemed to struggle with something that looked as big as Matt.

So either this would be really hard or easy for you. But either way, you wanted to try.

“You’re okay, we’ll go slow” he chuckles at your nervousness but is secretly just as scared. “And I’ll help you.” He assures.

You lift yourself hovering over his crotch area. You take in a harsh breath grabbing his dick and hovering over it.

Matt’s hand goes to it too holding it up. While your hand goes to your cunt as you gently and slowly sink down on it.

You both moan at the contact. Getting in the tip was hard. But once that was in you felt like you could easily slide down the rest of it, not that it wouldn’t hurt.

Matt’s free hand goes to your waist, guiding you like he said he would.

“Doing so good, princess.” You whine at the praise, but ultimately slowly skink down further..

Matt keeps your movements steady as you keep doing your thing. His second hand also goes to your waist using it to steady your movements further.

“Fuck so big.” You moan. Your thighs tense as you pull it out slightly. You could feel the stretch burn.

“It’s okay sweetheart. you only got a couple inches left.” He assures you as he starts guiding you back lower on him. Your cunt was aching around him harshly.

“Fuck-“ you sigh. You can’t help yourself when you take one of his hands from your waist and interlock your hands. You need the moral support.

“Such a good girl,” Matt says as you start to gently bounce on what you have fit so far.

He was occasionally groaning. Your moans filled the room, the air in the room staying hot.

He squeezes your hand. You close your eyes at the mixture of pleasure and pain. When you close your eyes he lets his eyes wander down to where your bodies meet.

He’d never done this and this felt so incredibly good. The sight alone could make him come right then and there.

Matt wasn’t dumb, he knew he had quite the dick. It wasn’t small by any means. And he knew that. It was amusing Watching you struggle with what you had, knowing there were at least still 3 more inches to go.

“You okay?” He asks again just to make sure you are okay.

The pain had subsided and you felt the pleasure. Sure you could take more but you were nervous to. This wasn’t as easy as it looked or as You thought it’d be.

“I’m okay” you sigh. You keep yourself gently and slowly bouncing on the upper half of the length of his cock.

Matt knows you really well. And matt just knows you can take more than that, Despite being a virgin himself. It was just a gut feeling. “Baby, I’m gonna need you to bear with me alright?”

Before you can respond, his hand on your waist tightens, and he squeezes your hand that’s intertwined with his. He rams you down on his dick harshly, making you take it as much as you physically could.

Your legs tense up at the harsh treatment. Your eyes close as a moan is ripped out your lungs. You clench so unbelievably tight around him. And just the sight of himself buried so deep inside of you could have him come at the spot.

He groans at the feeling of it as well. “Good-“ he breathes out. “Such a good girl.”

He keeps his hand intertwined with yours for moral support. His hand trails from your waist over your side soothingly.

You sigh at the feeling of him being completely in you. It’s a foreign feeling. It just feels so full.

“I feel so fucking stuffed” you groan dramatically. You let your head hang forward your mouth open in a silent moan.

“Oh, you’re so gonna be stuffed” he huffs. And somehow, even though pregnancy and birth scares the hell out of you, this type of dirty talk was extremely hot to you.

You huff in response starting to grind into him. You grind on his dick, his Hand on your hips helping you as you slowly try to get used to the size.

You sigh pulling all of your hair back out of your face again. You readjust your legs, taking your hand out of Matt’s. You shift, leaning on your arms to lean back slightly.

You start to carefully ride him your moans and whines still audible. Your head is thrown back in pleasure.

Matt watches the way your body moves in awe. Groaning every so often when you clench around him.

His hand goes to rest over your lower stomach, his thumb goes to rub on your clit gently. “Matt.” You gasp at the sudden added pleasure.

You can’t help yourself when you lean back forward. You just really want to see Matt’s face while you ride him.

“So good for me baby, keep going” he encourages. And with his words, you readjust again now pulling out more and ramming yourself back down.

You feel the knot in your stomach get tighter. You feel really good riding him like this, listening to his mumbles of praise and encouragement.

You continue to bounce on him, now chasing your high. And the harsher you slam yourself down the louder you and matt get. The room is filled with your noises as well as skin clapping loudly, and your lewd wetness.

After a few seconds you feel the knot snap. You lean over him, your arms on either side of his head catching you. Your high feels incredible, the heat washing over you like a wave.

Matt’s hand on your waist gets bruisingly harsh. He holds you in place while he thrusts up into you. You whine at the way he fucks you through your high. He was chasing his own now.

“Where do you want it.” His breath is harsh. He choked out the words in his lust-filled voice. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding to know.

“Inside.” You grit out. You bite your lip harshly, feeling your high subside and overstimulation slowly take over.

Matt grunts an agreement and you feel his thrusts get more sloppy and harsh. Until he gives you one last thrust, finally stopping his movements. He pulls you down to sit on him while spurts of his release shoot up into you.

You were pulsing around him, practically milking him for all he’s got. “Such a good girl” matt breathes out. One of his hands goes to trail over your stomach slightly.

He feels the slight bulge in your stomach from his sheer size.

The idea that this is how you make children is crazy to you. And the fact that you just did that with your best friend.

“How’re you feeling?” He asks softly staring up at you lovingly.

“Warm” you respond truthfully. His sticky seed inside of you makes your core feel all warm, along with the fact that you haven’t gotten off of it yet.

“Do you regret it?” He asks gently. After all, you two were best friends, and he had just lost his virginity to you and also taken yours.

Despite being terrified of the fact that you let him raw dog this, you didn’t regret it. In fact, you felt content, you love matt dearly.

“No” you don’t hesitate. You never realized how much you love Matt. He was just always there with you, he was always your best friend. You couldn’t imagine a future without him.

“You’re paying for the plan b pill tho” you chuckle.

He huffs a laugh. you carefully lift yourself off of him feeling your combined juices leak. You can see Matt watching, his eyes focused on your pussy. Watching the way you’re filled to the brim.

You kneel next to him, as you watch him sit up. “Come on sweetheart let’s get you cleaned up.”

Masterlist

A/N: I know this isn’t the most original idea, but I haven’t read any ffs where both of them are virgins. But if there is one that’s similar to mine, just know it was not intentional. In that case, If someone gives me the @ I can credit them.

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturnioloos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangepepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo

[ddejavvu]

Hi! You said you wanted shy/scaredy cat reader and Tyler Owens request :) feel free to ignore this!

Maybe Tyler brings her around to something kind of like a meet and greet (I haven’t seen the movie, but kind of like whatever was happening during the “if you feel it, chase it” part of the trailer) or they are out somewhere and he gets ‘mobbed’ by a few people who recognize him and she is just feeling very out of her element? Maybe just Tyler being sweet about it to her?

Idk if this makes sense! Feel free to ignore it!! :)

Taking Candy From a Baby - Tyler Owens x Reader

come participate in tyler owens night !

You're typically one to hang back and relax in the passenger's seat of Tyler's truck when it's time for him to start rousing rounds of chanting about feeling and chasing and fearing and riding. You're simply more comfortable with a seatbelt on and a window between you and Tyler's adoring fans, because tornado wranglers are not typically the types of people you feel safe around. Tyler- well, Tyler had roped you in with his gentle hands and soft brown eyes before breaking the news that he shoots fireworks into tornados for a living. All that to say, you typically feel out of your element when Tyler engages with his fans.

He knows this, and typically you're undisturbed while he has Boone pump his gas so that he and the rest of the crew can mingle with fans, sign autographs, and sell t-shirts. This time, though, when he opens the driver's side door he doesn't climb in, and instead he offers you a hand.

"Come in with me, darlin'?"

"Hm?" You look up from your phone, brows knitting together in confusion as you take his outstretched hand. He squeezes it with a saccharine grin instead of pulling, which you're grateful for before you know what you're getting into.

"Come get snacks and drinks with me in the station?" He nods to the small building to the left of the pumps, and the brightly-colored wrappers of candies and chips are appealing at a glance, "Lily says they've got crazy Lay's flavors, and they've got the energy drinks I like. We can stock up on goodies before we head out, how's that sound?"

"0kay," You nod, before you have a chance to say no. There's something sickly and rancid twisting in your belly, tendrils of anxiety latching into the walls of your stomach and sticking tight, but Tyler's hand holds steady to yours and you're not going to let a small crowd of people hold you back from novelty potato chips.

Stepping down out of the truck and jumping from the runner to the dingy concrete is the next step in an ongoing mission to break out of your shell. Tyler is so- well, he's the complete opposite of you, and he's always been careful to adapt to your more introverted ways. Now, though, you're dreadfully self-conscious about ensuring that you're adapting to him, as well, and if that means you have to nod and smile at his adoring fans to get him to a refrigerated case of energy drinks, so be it.

You're wearing a pair of Tyler's broken-in boots, old ones that happened to fit you better than the fresh pair he'd bought for you. He's doing the work of breaking in the new ones, and you admire his willingness to stomp around in boots with a 1-inch heel on the sole so that you can be saved from blisters. Boots are just uncomfortable to wear if they're not broken in first, and you don't romp around enough yourself to soften the leather.

Both pairs of your boots click against the concrete and heads turn, but only a few are bold enough to approach. You're not sure if your hand tightens around Tyler's or vice versa, but when one opens their mouth you're paling Tyler's tan hands with your grip.

"Tyler, is this the missus?" One woman asks, clinging to the hand of her own beau, "You're gorgeous, honey."

Tyler laughs for you, bumping his shoulder into yours as you rush to thank the woman, "Mhm. This's my girl. You two drivin' out with us?"

"The whole family is." The man nods, clearly ecstatic to be speaking to Tyler, "We've got the three kiddos in the car. And the dog. This is one leg of our family road trip for the year! But we're keepin' out of the storm's way, of course. We're gonna end up in Kentucky and visit some of my family."

"Well enjoy Kentucky," Tyler nods, his grin on full blast as he nods politely to the couple, "And you tell those kids'uh yours Tyler Owens says hello."

"We will!" The woman gushes, and you're grateful when Tyler begins walking again, breaking off from the couple. He manages to get cornered again before you're fully inside the gas station doors, but he lets your hand go to sign an autograph for the fan.

"Head on inside, honey," He nods at the station, "Pick out some crazy chips for me, m'kay?"

You're relieved for the respite that you're granted upon stepping into the air-conditioned gas station, and you follow Tyler's orders with your head down so as not to attract attention. You're barely able to reach the junk food aisle before a little boy rams straight into your legs, and you dart forwards to grab his arm before he can topple over.

"Oh! Are you okay?" You ask, peering carefully at his chubby face, dark curls wound close to his scalp. He nods, and you let go of his arm, glancing upwards to see his mother standing over him with a reproachful gaze.

"I'm sorry, honey," She gushes, and her voice must be straight honey for the way it oozes sweetness, "I told him not to run but, well, you know how that goes. Hey, aren't you the girl who was sittin' in Tyler's truck?"

Your heart starts pounding at the thought of another fan interaction, but you're spared from answering when you feel something poking against your leg. The little boy, no older than two, you're sure, is offering you a candy bar, big brown eyes hopeful as he clutches the silver wrapper.

"You sayin' sorry for nearly tripping her, Ty?" The woman laughs, then looks back up at you, "We- uh, well, his daddy's a big fan of Tyler. Tyler actually- he saved my husband a few years ago from a big storm, not that he even knew it. My husband was driving to work one day and he saw Tyler's truck pass him on the road. He'd heard of his hobby, y'know, chasin' storms. He thought if a tornado wrangler was heading the same way he was, he should probably go somewhere else. He got off the road and missed an EF-3 headed his way. So when he was born," She nods down at the baby still offering you a wrapped sweet, his other hand clutching your jeans, "We thought it'd be nice to name him after your man."

The candy wrapper is smooth and cool against your hands as you take it from Baby Tyler, and the boy gives you a grin consisting of six teeth in total when you stick the candy in your basket.

"Thank you," You croon down at the baby, "I'm- I'm glad your husband is safe. I'm glad he was smart enough not to follow Tyler."

"Who says followin' me's dumb, darlin'?" A large hand lands on your shoulder, and you startle before you register that it's Tyler.

"I do," The woman laughs, smile crinkling her eyes, "If you're drivin' into a tornado, that is."

"Dumb's more exciting," Tyler shrugs, "Who's this little one?"

"Tyler," You and the woman answer in unison, and your Tyler grins.

"Nice name, bud," He offers a balled-up fist to the baby who slaps his palm against it in an attempted high-five, "You're smart, hangin' around in the candy aisle."

Baby Ty babbles and toddles away, mom hurriedly following in his shaky footsteps, "Sorry, he's on the move. It was nice meeting you!"

Your voice is strong when you call back, "It was nice meeting you, too!" And Tyler looks impressed by that as he stares at you and your lone candy bar.

"Three Musketeers?" He asks, and you nod.

"Baby Tyler gave it to me."

"That's sweet." He hums, "You weren't nervous talkin' to 'em?"

"They were nice," You shake your head, leading him for once as you take his hand and steer towards the energy drinks, "And he was a really cute kid.”

“Mm, yeah? Y’know, we could make some really cute kids. ‘Specially if I’ve got a few of these,” Tyler holds up the energy drinks he’s selected from the fridge, “Forget wranglin’ tornadoes, darlin’, tonight I’m gonna be wranglin’ you.”

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

do you have any particular rap recommendations? i'm open to the genre but i haven't really vibed musically with any of the more popular rap artists. i'd really like to listen to more of it but i just don't know where to really start looking

god do I ever. I have no idea who you haven't previously vibed with so if I say someone you don't like then cope, I'm telling you about my personal favorites.

first and foremost remember that love of my life Janelle Monáe raps like hell

Little Simz is simply electric and her album Sometimes I Might Be Introvert is one of the most breathtaking audio experiences I've ever had

Dua Saleh makes me insaaaaane xyr music is so good and also frequently NASTY gay shit (as linked)

I looove Doechii she hits you going like 4000 miles per hour brain go BRRRRRRRR

I just got into Flyana Boss when they opened up for Janelle on tour last year, they're so cute and funny and their energy is incredible

Tierra Whack does a lot of kooky silly shit I adore her

I never really got into BROCKHAMPTON but Kevin Abstract is my #1 sad gay man, this whole album is everything to me

I don't know, like, anything about Aminé outside of his music but that's fine because his music fucks like hell

and I'd be remiss if I didn't include Megan Thee Stallion and a song that reduces me to emotional shambles

[rainerioun]

𝖶𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖳𝖱𝖮𝖯𝖤 𝖥𝖨𝖳𝖲 𝖸𝖮𝖴𝖱 𝖥𝖴𝖳𝖴𝖱𝖤 𝖱𝖤𝖫𝖠𝖳𝖨𝖮𝖭𝖲𝖧𝖨𝖯? | 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖽.

— Hey there! In this reading, we'll explore which romantic/writing trope might fit your relationship with your future spouse best. Some of these themes can get pretty deep, so if you're not in the right headspace for that, perhaps come back another time. <3

ORIGINAL DATE POSTED : APRIL 15TH, 2024.

HOW TO CHOOSE A PILE : The outcome may vary based on whether you receive clear messages visually or intuitively. If you resonate more with selecting a pile visually, trust that inclination. Personally, I believe the notion that 'looks can deceive,' so I prefer to take a deep breath and close my eyes, allowing the pile I'm meant to connect with to come to me. You might see the color of the pile, sense or hear a number, or simply feel its overall vibe.

Please don’t redistribute or edit my content.

MUST READ + MASTERLIST | KO-FI

PILE ONE

ENEMIES TO LOVERS. | RIGHT PERSON, WRONG TIME. | STAR-CROSSED.

Romance Trope? Knight of Wands [Reversed]. | Ten of Wands [Reversed]. | The Hanged Man [Reversed].

For some, a person from your past might resurface. Either way, there will be a separation. When you first encounter your future spouse, one or both of you may be going through a dark time. I should state that this connection will never become manipulative or deeply toxic, which nobody should accept or endorse.

Nonetheless, this connection won't be smooth sailing in the beginning. While serious hatred will not arise, there'll be a struggle to understand each other, which stems from inner wounds. Seeing reflections of yourself in them, and vice versa, leads to frustration because neither of you has fully healed yet. Stubbornness on both sides leads to drifting apart. Impulsive actions worsen the situation, causing you to dislike each other.

Initially, I wasn't quite sure how to define the relationship because y'all aren't really enemies, just two hurt people.

Expansion. Community. | Hostilities. | Anxiety.

Your future spouse might come into your life through a friend or an acquaintance, perhaps in a familiar setting you visit often. The connection between you both sparks a profound realization, which leads to heightened anxiety and tension. It might feel like you weren't supposed to meet this person, but in truth, you were destined to cross paths. Because when you reunite in the future, you'll love each other through the toughest times and cherish each other even more during the best moments. You're meant to teach each other lessons that no one else could, guiding you back to where you're meant to be in the end. I definitely see sleepless nights, though. — You might find each other again in the place you originally met.

What Energy Will Your Future Spouse Embody? Dolphin : Innately Intelligent, Healer, Light Blessings. Bear :  Waking From Spiritual Slumber. Beginning Anew.

When you reunite, both you and this person have undoubtedly grown. It's a chance to begin anew with them at the right moment. Your future spouse has a knack for making people question themselves, but with you, it's particularly intense. While it may have caused hurt in the past for both of you, now you can work through it together.

While pulling the cards, I heard a distinct and amusing cackle, almost like a 'dolphin laugh,' even their giggles could be a loud and funny.

Insight. Hermit — Light : Seeks solitude to focus intently on inner life. Serves personal creativity. Shadow : Withdraws from society of others. Refusing to help those in need.  Father — Light : Talent for creating and supporting life. Positive guiding light within a tribal unit. Shadow : Dictatorial control. Abuse of authority.  Fool — Light : Fearlessly revealing emotion. Helping people laugh at absurdity and hypocrisy. Shadow : Using humor to wound rather than liberate. Denial of your emotional truth.

Your future spouse will always have an introverted nature, but before change occurs, they are extremely reserved, perhaps to an unhealthy extent. They could be overly engrossed in work, other projects, or family matters, possibly taking on a leadership role for their siblings, which can be stressful even if they don't live together. Beneath the surface, they have a playful side. In the past, both of you might have been a too naive, but you'll reconnect when they emanate this strong fatherly energy. I'm hearing, 'Young, Dumb, and Broke.'

Additional. Soulmates : Soul Connection, Partnership, Agreement, Soul Contract. Coffin : Endings Bring New Beginnings, Growth, Change, Liberation, Transition.  Separation : Sadness, Missing You, Thinking About You, Yearning, Unsure of Future. Clock : Need Time, Takes Time, In Time, Cycles, Time to Heal, Progress.

There might be a bit of a chase for a while, whether it's conscious or not. When you make efforts to understand them, they might pull away, and the same goes for you. As much as it feels strange to say it, the label of twin flames could suit this connection. However, you'll eventually overcome this phase. It's possible you were only meant to learn the lesson of self-betterment from each other in this life, but both of your paths took unexpected turns, leading you to find each other despite it all. You both will make up time from not only your younger years, but previous lifetimes.

When everything falls into place and you seek forgiveness from each other, this connection becomes truly extraordinary. It's profound and complex, holding such true beauty. Eventually, it settles into something steady, providing the stability and fulfillment you both crave. Life together feels as close to perfect as it can get.

Take A Walk : Passion Pit. | Salad Days : Mac Demarco. | The Blower's Daughter : Damien Rice.

PILE TWO

FORCED PROXIMITY. | WORKPLACE.

Romance Trope? The Emperor. | Justice. | Four of Pentacles.

You and your future spouse will be drawn to each other no matter what, as if fate itself is pulling you together. You'll find yourself in situations where you encounter your future spouse frequently. I suspect this could be through some form of work. It's possible they might hold a higher position than you, maybe even a boss, though it's not necessary. They could simply have a lot of influence and trust. In some manner, this person plays a role in ensuring your financial stability.

Expansion. Angel of Strength. | Cornucopia. | Man Holding A Coin.

Once more, this person holds a certain sway over you. For some, this influence might stem from them being your client. They control your actions because they requested them.

It all depends on your current profession or your future plans. If you're primarily self-employed, even if you have a 'boss', this person might approach you as a client or possibly someone seeking work. However, if you're in a more corporate environment, they could be your boss or a colleague.

What Energy Will Your Future Spouse Embody? Dragon : Seeing One’s Most True Self, Balancing The Ego.  Bat : Darkness, Letting Go, Death Leading To Rebirth. Lizard : Instinctual, Sensitive to The Subtle, Dreamer.

Your future spouse isn't really the bossy type. They can be assertive but are generally understanding and flexible. I don't see a power struggle whatsoever. They could be a natural leader, yet I believe their compassionate and accommodating nature prevents them from being cutthroat or overly blunt. Their work is very important to them, but they also recognize the humanity in their co-workers.

Insight. Healer — Light : Passion to serve others by repairing the body, mind, and spirit. Ability to help transform pain into healing. Shadow : Taking advantage of those who need help. Failing to care for oneself. Thief — Light : Sheds light on the potential wealth within you that can never be stolen. Shadow : Stealing money, creative ideas, affection or other powers you think you lack.  God — Light : Benevolence and compassion. Recognizing the eternal force within yourself and others. Shadow : Despotism and cruelty. Using power to control people.

As I mentioned before, this person will play a role in guiding your career somehow. They'll have things to teach you, just as you'll have things to teach them. You might notice an increase in financial opportunities or wealth around the time you meet this person, probably because of their doing, but maybe not!

Additional. Karmic Relationship : Fleeting, Turmoil, Resentment, Lessons, Letting go and Loving you.  Camera : Reminiscing, Keepsake, Perception, Learn From the Past, Make Memories.  Girl Talk : Time with Friends, Moving On, Happily Single, Living in the Moment, Having Fun. Palm Tree : Stability, Security, Permanence, Growth, Endurance, Flexibility. 

Before anyone gets worried, let me clarify that I didn't take the Karmic Relationship card too seriously. I interpreted the message as affirming that this relationship will involve significant learning and growth. Not everyone will end up parting ways with this person, but everyone involved will gain valuable insights from the other. This connection could help both of you avoid repeating past mistakes. — As an alternate message, I'd like to add that it's time to let go of past relationships. Your future partner wants you to embrace self-love and believes in your ability to find happiness within yourself. Mastering contentment while single will not only attract them sooner but also teach you a valuable lesson that's ready to be learned.

Your future spouse will stand by your side and do everything in their power to support you. They aren't just interested in your safety and stability; they'll actively work to make sure it happens. Their actions speak volumes in this regard.

Partition : Beyoncé. | I Will : Mitski.

PILE THREE

SECOND CHANCE. | FORBIDDEN LOVE. 

Romance Trope? Two of Bows/Wands [Reversed]. | Seven of Vessels/Cups. | Two of Vessels/Cups [Reversed]. | The Green Woman. | Ten of Bows/Wands.

For many of you, I don't believe this is just an ex. I sense a third-party element at play here. Pinpointing a main scenario is too tricky; it varies for everyone by a lot. Perhaps you meet this person through a friend with whom you'll later drift apart with. Maybe your future partner happens to be a sibling of a friend. The possibilities are numerous. Nonetheless, there's someone who acts as a bridge between you both, influencing the connection. You might even have someone in mind already as you read this.

Regardless of the circumstances, I don't think your future spouse is the cause of this temporary 'separation', which might end up being a lack of communication for a short period of time until the situation resolves itself. I can't see a time where your future spouse was previously unkind or unpleasant to you, but rather it's more likely that the mutual person between you two played that role. If there are any rumors circulating, your future spouse will likely discern who's at fault and support you.

Expansion. Angel of Love. | Fifth Chakra : Archangel Gabriel. | Magician and The Mirror.

At first, your future spouse might assume they're to blame for the fallout and feel guilty about it. This uncertainty might delay the reconnection, even though they're fully committed to being by your side. They'll struggle with how to initiate fixing things, but eventually, they'll gather the courage to try. This reconciliation could happen online, if that resonates.

The forbidden aspect of this connection might originate from parental expectations, like qualities they require in your partner. Remember, you always have a choice in this matter. If not, it's not necessarily wrong but might be viewed with disapproval, such as getting involved with a friend's ex-partner.

What Energy Will Your Future Spouse Embody? Tiger : Lunar Force, Ease in Darkness, Feminine Energy.  Raccoon : Talented, Shadowy, In Hiding. Hawk : Watchful, All-Seeing, Messenger of Divinity.

Your future spouse is incredibly passionate and generous in their relationships and friendships, and this will shine even more when you two reconnect. They'll be open and sincere about their love for you once they emerge from hiding.

Insight. Addict — Light : Helps you recognize and confront addictive behavior. Shadow : Compromises integrity and honesty. Allows an addictive pattern to have authority over your inner spirit.  Avenger — Light : Desire to balance the scales of justice. Righteousness on behalf of society or oneself. Shadow : Resorting to violence in the name of a cause. Seeker — Light : Thirst for wisdom and truth wherever they are. Shadow : Inability to commit to a path once found.

After reconnecting, your future spouse will become more righteous, not just in relationships, but in all aspects of life. They won't stand for their loved ones being mistreated and will seek truth in murky situations, sharing their insights to keep you informed. They'll be honest about areas needing improvement while maintaining their patient and kind nature. By this time, they will understand how to be straightforward yet gentle.

Additional. The Butterfly : Relationship Evolving to the Next Phase, Healing the Inner Child, Growth. Boat : Receiving What You Need, Progression, Arriving, Moving On, Closure Issues. Girl With a Snake : Empath and Narcissist Paradigm, Being Charmed or Used, Enable Boundaries.  Heartbroken : Deeply Hurt, Sad, Separation, Breakup, Feeling Lost, Grieving, Mourning.

Reconnecting with you will be a healing and transformative experience for them. It will bring closure to their past, and you might need to reassure them that your aren't going anywhere. It's a bit odd, but lately, I've been watching Supernatural, and this person reminds me of Sam Winchester. They have a strong desire to protect you, but sometimes they might overextend themselves trying to provide for you. Which isn't your fault at all, they just need a reminder to relax and slow down.

Killer : The Ready Set. | She Looks So Perfect : 5 Seconds of Summer. | Holding Hands : The Magic Lantern.

PILE FOUR

FRIENDS TO LOVERS. | SOULMATES.

Romance Trope? Six of Pentacles. | Seven of Cups [Reversed]. | Three of Wands [Reversed].

Although it's one of the sweetest piles, it's also a tad messy. Not everyone will relate to this aspect, but take what resonates.

This person could be from your childhood or teenage years, or maybe someone you've recently met, or have yet to meet. Anything really. However, I feel for the majority it's someone you know. You have to figure this part out for yourself. But regardless, they're incredibly generous toward you, whether it's with money, affection, or understanding. However, this connection isn't without its challenges. Despite being very supportive, you'll have to navigate obstacles together. There might be setbacks or delays, but ultimately, your bond will grow stronger and develop into a romantic relationship.

Expansion. Strategy. | Storm Warning. | Healer of the Ages.

This part might only apply to a few, but I don't necessarily see it as your next relationship. Why? Well, because there are cards here, and later in the reading, that hint at some kind of breakup, which your future spouse helps you navigate through.

What Energy Will Your Future Spouse Embody?  Elk : Stable, Resilient, Headstrong, The Father. Turtle : Ancient Soul, Grounded, Trusting, At Home in the Self. Crocodile : Resting, Submerging, Collecting Energy, Cooling Off. 

Your future spouse will always carry the aura of a caregiver, being nurturing and extending their kindness towards both loved ones and strangers alike. They have a natural inclination towards being giving but possess a discerning eye when it comes to where and who they invest their energy. Their actions are consistent, and they seem calm and collected.

Your future spouse really embodies the ideal father figure and likely connect effortlessly with children. Patience and wisdom are strong in their nature, further enhancing this energy. They're like a true teddy bear until provoked.

Insight. Student — Light : Humility and devotion to knowledge. Openness to lifelong learning. Shadow : Arrogance in the pursuit of destructive knowledge. Unwillingness to translate knowledge into action.  Prince — Light : Romantic charm and potential for power. Shadow : Using power for self-aggrandizement.  Companion — Light : Loyalty, tenacity, and unselfishness. Shadow : Betrayal by misusing confidences. Loss of personal identity.

Think of your ideal "prince charming" - that's precisely who your future spouse is, whether in appearance or mindset. Gender doesn't limit this; it's about their energy and attitude. They have boundless curiosity, always eager to explore life and learn. Their fascination with you extends to wanting to know every detail, so they can envision and arrange everything in their mind. Loyalty and romance are ingrained in them, qualities you'll surely cherish. They're very charming.

Even in friendship, your future spouse exhibits a strong protective instinct, perhaps even a hint of possessiveness. You might not even realize your love for them until something sudden strikes. It's really like something out of fan fiction, where a seemingly random spark is actually the culmination of a slow burn. This realization may dawn on you when your future spouse defends or stands up for you in some manner. Suddenly, all the signs they've been dropping will become clear, and even the glance from them afterward will convey everything you need to know.

Additional. The Phoenix : New Phase, Rekindle, Renew, Transformation, Growth, Changed Mind.  Stabbed in the Back : Heartbreak, Pain, Separation, Deception, Shocking Attack. Palm Tree : Stability, Security, Permanence, Growth, Endurance, Flexibility. Mask : Not Showing True Feelings, Hide, Personify, Pretend, Delude, Gaslighting.  Sunglasses : Watching, Looking, Stalking, Gaslighting, Perception, Focusing Out. Keys on a Ring : Many Options, Decision, Unconventional, String Along, One Night Stand.

For those it applies to, I'm revisiting my earlier point about being in a relationship and your future spouse's good sense of judgment regarding character. If this doesn't resonate, feel free to skip and check out the songs instead. Thank you!

Your future spouse had already secretly admired you for some time. Aware of your existing relationship, they struggled to suppress their feelings. Amidst the chaos in their mind, they couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right with your partner. They wanted to reach out to warn you out of genuine concern, but you dismissed it as an overreaction. There's a chance your partner at the time suspected something between you two, leading to a sudden end to the relationship [Although, I don't think there was anything actually happening.] They might have harbored resentment for a while. But fear not, your future partner comes to the rescue. Whether they witness the breakup or support you afterward, you'll come to realize that your true feelings lay with them all along, but you were blinded by the allure of another. With too many choices before, you failed to think clearly and see what was right in front of you.

Like That : Jack and Jack. | Somewhere Only We Know : Keane. | Little Person : Matt Maltese. | Boyfriend : Dove Cameron. [Update: Forgot to add a song, sorry!]

[chosok-amo]

heyy can you write something about megumi x fem reader who’s struggling with social anxiety and he’s the only who understands her and tries to help her even if he’s really introverted, something really fluff and a bit romantic. thank u so muchhh

ᨳ A SAFE HARBOR : MEG. FUSHIGURO!

megumi fushiguro . . . after the Goodwill Event, Satoru Gojo takes his students to a festival near Shibuya. Overwhelmed by social anxiety amidst the bustling crowd, lucky for you Megumi was there to help.

The vibrant lights of the festival cast a warm glow over the bustling streets, and the sounds of laughter, chatter, and music filled the air. Colorful stalls lined the paths, offering an array of delicious foods, games, and trinkets. Among the crowd were students from Jujutsu High, led by their ever-enthusiastic teacher, Satoru Gojo.

As you arrived at the festival with your classmates, your heart began to beat faster. The sheer number of people, the overwhelming noise, and the constant motion were almost too much to handle. You felt a lump form in your throat as you took in the scene, your anxiety rising with every step.

Gojo, noticing your hesitation, gave you a reassuring smile. “Alright, everyone! Let's stick together and have some fun!” he announced, his voice carrying over the noise. His enthusiasm was infectious, but it did little to quell the storm brewing inside you. “But remember, if anyone needs a break, just let me know.”

You clutched the strap of your bag tightly, trying to ground yourself. The vibrant colors and enticing aromas that should have been exciting only added to your sensory overload. Your breathing became shallow, and you fought to keep your composure.

Gojo's tall figure led the group through the crowd, his white hair and blindfold making him easy to spot. Around you, your classmates seemed to be enjoying themselves, their laughter and chatter blending into the chaotic symphony of the festival. You tried to stay close to them, hoping their presence would offer some comfort, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep your anxiety at bay.

As you all made your way to the long path of stalls, the lively bickering among your friends provided a welcome distraction from your anxiety. Maki, Panda, Toge, Nobara, and Yuji were engaged in a spirited debate about the festival attractions. Maki, always direct, started. “All right, let’s be real. The games here are rigged. You'd have better luck getting a date with Gojo than winning one of those giant stuffed animals.”

Panda chuckled, “Come on, Maki. They're not all rigged. You just have to know the tricks. Right, Toge?” Its fluffy arm nudges the much shorter boy besides, almost knocking the boy over. Toge, always the man of few words, simply nodded and said, “Salmon.”

Yuji, ever the optimist, wasn't convinced. “I don't know, Maki. I think with enough tries, anyone can win. I’m definitely getting one of those giant bears tonight.” Nobara snorted hearing the optimism lingering in Yuji's voice. “Yuji, you couldn’t win a goldfish in a barrel. Let alone a giant stuffed bear. You’re just gonna waste all your money,” she laughed while rolling her eyes, clearly dismissing the Sukuna's vessel nonchalantly.

Yuji pouted. “That’s not fair! Besides, I'm not the only one who wants to try the games. Right, Toge?” Toge grinned and gave a thumbs-up, “Tuna mayo.” The poor boy is only doing something his friends want to hear, and can't be bothered by his friends' nonsense. Maki crossed her arms. “Fine, but when you all lose, don’t come crying to me. I’ll be over at the food stalls, getting something actually worth my time.”

Panda’s eyes lit up, “Speaking of food, did you guys hear about the teriyaki stall? They have a special filling tonight. We have to check it out.” Nobara perked up on the other hand. “Taiyaki?” She asked, sounding interested, “Now that sounds worth it. We can hit the food stalls and then laugh at Yuji trying to win something.” Yuji grumbled, his brown irises rolling in annoyed, “Hey, I’m standing right here, you know.” Maki glanced at the pink-haired boy, a smirk visible on his lips, “We know, Yuji. That’s what makes it so fun.”

Megumi listened to his classmates' spirited conversation about the rigged games and the allure of food. He remained silent, watching the back-and-forth banter between Yuji and Maki, Toge and Panda, and Nobara with mild amusement as the conversation turned to the festival attractions, he remained silent, taking in their different opinions and ideas.

But his mind wasn’t solely focused on their words. He was keenly aware of you standing nearby, the tension in your body language not going unnoticed by him. He noted your evident anxiety, your grip on your bag, and your shallow breathing. Despite his usual nonchalant demeanor, he couldn’t help but worry about you.

He continued to observe you from the corner of his eye as the group continued down the long path of stalls, not quite ready to speak up just yet. Megumi knew that you were likely struggling to keep it together. He felt a pang of concern and wanted to ask if you were alright, but he also knew that drawing attention to your anxiety might only make it worse.

Maki raised an eyebrow, her competitive spirit ignited by the challenge. “Oh, you think you've got me figured out, huh? Well, alright, I'm game. What's the wager, my dear friend?” Panda chimed in, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “How about this, Maki? If you manage to win one of those giant stuffed animals, we'll treat you to a whole day of pampering. Massages, facials, the works!”

Nobara chuckled, adding her own twist to the wager. “But, if you fail to conquer the games, you'll have to wear a ridiculous costume of our choosing for the rest of the festival. And trust me, Maki, we've got some seriously outrageous ideas up our sleeves, right, y/n?” You flinched slightly at the unexpected weight of Nobara's arm around yours, but you managed to keep your reaction minimal.

“Um... I guess so,” you mumbled, not really feeling up to the idea of making a wager yourself. As Nobara's arm looped around yours, you could feel your heart racing. You tried to maintain your composure, forcing a shaky smile in response to her question.

Megumi noticed your lack of enthusiasm and the way you shrank slightly under Nobara's arm. He remained quiet, still observing you with a mixture of concern and curiosity. Maki's competitive grin widened. “You're on, my friends! Prepare to witness greatness as I conquer those rigged games with style. And just remember, when I emerge victorious, your wallets will feel the sting of treating me like the queen that I am!”

Yuji, ever the peacemaker, interjected with a laugh. “Hold on, guys! How about we make it more interesting? If Maki wins, we'll also have to carry all her winnings for the rest of the festival. And if she loses, she'll treat us to a feast at the fanciest restaurant in town!” Toge, breaking his silence, gave a sly nod of agreement. “Octopus dumplings.”

Maki's eyes sparkled with determination. “Deal! Get ready to witness the triumph of the century. I'll show you all what it means to have luck and skill on your side!” And with that, the group set off towards the games, anticipation hanging in the air as they prepared for a friendly battle of wits, luck, and plenty of laughter along the way.

As the group made their way through the crowd towards the game stalls, the conversation continued. Yuji was excitedly discussing food, while Maki bragged about her gaming skills. Megumi remained largely silent, listening more than he spoke, his focus partly on you. He observed the way your shoulders tensed as the noise continued to grow louder. He noticed the way your eyes darted around the crowd, taking in the sights, sounds, and people all around you.

As the group made their way towards the games, you couldn't help but feel even more anxious. The thought of participating in the friendly competition did not appeal to you at all. You tried to maintain your composure, but the sight of the various game stalls and the increasing noise of the crowd were making it difficult to keep your anxiety at bay.

Megumi walked silently beside you, occasionally glancing at you, his expression still calm and neutral. He could sense your discomfort and unease, which was only heightened by the boisterous banter and challenges among your classmates.

“Fushiguro, lend me a hand in bringing Maki down! I can't let her waste my hard-earned cash on this ridiculous game!” Yuji called out to his spike-haired comrade. Megumi, however, politely declined. “I'll pass, I need to grab something from Gojo-sensei,” he said, turning his attention towards you. “Y/n, would you like to come with me? I don't think I can handle it on my own,” he asked, his expression calm and reassuring.

You tilted your head, a mix of confusion and concern evident on your face as you looked up at Megumi. His tranquil blue eyes conveyed a sense of reassurance, making you believe that everything would be alright. “Y-yeah,” you stammered, nodding in agreement. Without waiting for a response from his friends, Megumi took your hand in his and held it tightly, gently leading you away from the bustling crowd.

Megumi's grip on your hand was firm yet gentle as he led you through the maze of the festival. It was a subtle gesture of comfort and reassurance, something you desperately needed in the midst of the overwhelming noises and sights. He guided you away from the boisterous group, his presence seemed to create a small bubble of calm around you.

As you walked, your gaze remained fixed on the ground, consciously avoiding eye contact and occasionally bumping into people. Struggling to keep up with Megumi's pace, you desperately tried to match his stride. You walked, Megumi's eyes glanced repeatedly at you, noting your downcast gaze and the way you kept your distance from him. It was obvious to anyone that you were struggling to cope with the overstimulation around you. As you stumbled slightly, clearly straining to keep up with his pace, Megumi made a decision to pull you closer to himself.

“Come here,” Megumi murmured softly, his arm slipping around your waist and pulling you closer until your chest lightly brushed against his side. He looked down at you with a gentle gaze . . soft even, he could sense the anxiety welling up within you. concerned about your well-being. “Is this alright for you?” he asked, concern lacing his words.

You swallowed hard, attempting to contain your anxiety and nervousness, as they threatened to escape their confines. With a quiet nod, you whispered, “Yeah,” and mustered the courage to look up at him. “I'll stay close, okay?” Once again, you nodded, your hand clutching a handful of his uniform as he resumed his walk, enveloping you under his protective arm.

Megumi's protective arm and strong frame brought a sense of security to you. The contact felt unfamiliar yet simultaneously soothing, especially considering he was not one for physical displays of affection. He could see your anxiety and unease written all over your face, but he remained calm and composed.

As he walked, he instinctively adjusted his pace and gait, syncing them with yours to match your strides. He observed you from the corner of his eyes, making sure you weren't overwhelmed by the environment around you. Megumi observed you closely, noticing the way your eyes darted back and forth, avoiding direct contact. Your body seemed tense, almost as if it was prepared to flee at any moment. He could feel the tightness in your muscles through the sleeve of his uniform.

He walked slowly, making sure to match your pace and occasionally checking on you from the corner of his eyes. The further you moved away from the lively commotion, the more relaxed you seemed to feel, and the vice-like grip you had on his uniform softened slightly. “Are you... okay?” he asked again, his voice a low murmur meant for your ears only. His hand gently squeezed your waist, a subtle gesture of reassurance.

As Megumi's voice cut through the low hum of the festival, you looked up at him, your eyes slightly wider than usual. The subtle squeeze of your waist startled you, and you took a moment to let your mind register his question. You couldn't help but feel a pang of vulnerability. Your heart fluttered for a moment, but you quickly composed yourself and nodded. “Y-yeah,” you whispered, still holding onto his uniform.

Once you both escaped the clamor of the bustling festival, Megumi guided you to a bench nestled beside a majestic tree, offering a breathtaking view of the city below. His gentle gaze remained fixed on you as he asked, “Will you wait for me?” He made it clear that he wouldn't leave unless you wanted him to. However, you nodded in reassurance, prompting him to nod as well before he slowly departed, leaving you to enjoy a moment of solitude.

You released a sigh of relief, your eyes soaking in the sight of the cityscape, where soft flickering lights danced in the distance. The gentle breeze caressed your face and swayed your hair, creating a serene atmosphere. As you relished in the momentary solitude, your heart rate gradually eased, and the tightness in your chest slightly lifted. Before long, Megumi returned, clutching a bottle of water in one hand and a handful of candies in the other, your eyes darted to the sight of him. He settled next to you, his presence bringing a sense of comfort. “Here, have this,” he said, settling down beside you and offering the water first.

You accepted the water bottle, still trying to regain your composure. As you took a sip, the refreshing liquid helped to soothe your parched throat and clear your head. You glanced at Megumi, noticing the candy in his other hand. “What are the candies for?” you asked, your voice a bit raspy from the anxiety-induced dryness in your mouth.

Megumi's expression faltered, his face reflecting a mix of confusion and uncertainty. “I... I don't know,“ he murmured, shaking his head with a small chuckle as you joined in. “But here,” he continued, offering you the candy, “I think this might make you feel better.”

You couldn't help a small smile as you noticed the slight confusion on his face. It was out of character for him to do something without a clear reason, and the fact that he admitted he didn't know why he bought the candies struck you as endearing.

Taking the candy from his hand, you examined it for a moment before popping it into your mouth. The sweetness of the candy combined with the gesture of his thoughtfulness made you feel more relaxed than before. “Thanks, Megumi,” you said quietly, grateful for his thoughtfulness. “You always know how to make me feel better.”

Megumi's stoic facade softened at your words. A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and a slight tinge of pink dusted his cheeks. “You don't need to thank me,” he replied, his voice gentle. “I just... I want you to feel better. It doesn't sit right with me when you're...” He hesitated for a moment, as if searching for the right words. “When you're not okay.”

“Beside..” he mumbled, a hint of teasing in his voice. “I can't have you being anxious the entire night. It wouldn't be much of a festival then, would it?” You chuckled softly, feeling some of the tension ease out of your body. His attempt at humor, subtle as it was, was appreciated. “You're right,” you said, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. “I suppose I wouldn't be the best company if I was constantly on edge the entire night.” His hand instinctively reached for yours, his fingers intertwining with yours unconsciously.

You looked at his hand intertwined with yours, the physical contact feeling comforting and reassuring. a small smile forming on your lips. “I promise I'll try not to let my anxiety ruin the night.” Megumi's voice softened as he gently protested, his hand reaching out to pull you closer by your shoulder until there was no distance left between you two. “Hey, don't say that,” he murmured, his touch warm and comforting. “You know it's not your fault. It's not something you can control.”

His large hands moved up and down your arm in a soothing gesture, offering reassurance and support. In his embrace, you could feel his genuine care and understanding, a sense of safety enveloping you. Megumi's presence was a comforting balm, reminding you that you were not alone in your struggles.

Your heart skipped a beat as he pulled you closer, bringing you flush against his side. The sudden closeness caught you off guard, but his soothing touch on your arm made you feel more at ease. His words, spoken with a firm yet soothing tone, assured you that he didn't blame you for your anxiety. You felt the heat rising in your cheeks, and you swallowed, trying to find your voice. “I know,” you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper. “I know I can't help it, but I still can't help feeling frustrated, you know?“ His large hands continued to gently move up and down your arm, each stroke a silent reassurance.

You leaned closer into him, feeling his strength and warmth emanating through the contact. The gentle rhythm of his hand moving up and down on your arm was grounding, helping to ease your racing thoughts and quell the butterflies in your stomach.

Megumi's expression softened as he listened to your words. His hand gently moved from your arm to your waist, pulling you even closer to him. He gave you a small, encouraging squeeze, his gaze never leaving your face. “I know it's frustrating,” he said, his voice soothing and comforting. “But you don't have to carry the burden of feeling guilty. It's not your fault, and the fact that you're trying is more than enough.” His hand continued to move in slow, gentle circles on your waist, the contact providing a sense of grounding comfort.

As Megumi's words sank in, a wave of relief washed over you. His reassurance and understanding were like a soothing balm to your anxiety-stricken mind. You couldn't help but lean a little bit closer to him, seeking more of the comfort he was offering. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice softer than before. “For understanding. For being so . . accepting.” His hand on your waist resumed its gentle rubbing, a silent reassurance that he was there, present and supportive.

Megumi's grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly at your words, his gaze softening even further. The small action spoke volumes, conveying a silent message of reassurance and support. “You don't have to thank me for that,” he muttered, his voice gentle yet firm. “It's the least I can do.”

He shifted, bringing himself closer to you, closing any remaining distance between your bodies. The familiar scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body against yours were grounding, pulling you further from your anxious thoughts.

A peaceful silence settled between the two of you as you both admired the sprawling cityscape before you. Your eyes momentarily drifted down to your hands, intertwined and resting gently on Megumi's thigh. You could feel the comforting sensation of his thumb caressing your hand, creating a tender connection between you.

A playful smile danced across your lips as you glanced up at Megumi, teasingly remarking, “You seem awfully touchy tonight.” Your gaze met his, curiosity sparkling in your eyes, eager to hear his response.

Megumi's hand stilled on yours, paused mid-motion. For a brief moment, he was taken aback by your comment. His facial expression betrayed a hint of surprise, but it was quickly masked with a subtle smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Megumi's head tilted slightly to the head. His hand, still intertwined with yours, still on his thigh, gave a playful squeeze.

“Touchy, huh?” he retorted, his voice laced with a teasing tone. He shifted his position slightly, angling himself to face you more directly. “Is that a complaint?” His thumb continued to caress the back of your hand, the gentle touch simultaneously comforting and electrifying. You tilted your head, a sly grin forming on your lips. “A complaint? Hardly. If I wanted to complain, you'd know. Consider this a friendly reminder to keep up the good work.”

You gently squeezed his hand back, your eyes sparkling with mischief. “But hey, if you need reassurance, I can always provide some pointers.”

Megumi's smirk widened into a genuine smile at your playful response. The banter between you felt natural and comfortable, the ease of conversation a testament to the years of friendship and familiarity that lay between you. “Oh, is that so?” he replied, his voice laced with a hint of challenge. “And here I thought I was doing just fine on my own.” He shifted again, his grip on your hand tightening ever so lightly, his thumb still caressing your skin in slow, soothing circles. “But... I suppose I could always use some pointers from an expert like yourself.”

You arched an eyebrow, a smirk playing on your lips. “An expert, huh? Well, it's good to see you finally recognizing talent when you see it.” You leaned in slightly, your voice taking on a playful tone. “But don't worry, Megumi. With my guidance, you'll be a pro in no time.” You gave his hand a playful squeeze. “Just try to keep up, alright?”

Megumi chuckled, his expression a mix of amusement and challenge. “Oh, I'll keep up, alright,” he said, his voice carrying a hint of determination. He matched your lean, bringing his face slightly closer to yours. His gaze dropped to your intertwined hands for a moment before returning to your eyes, a spark of playful rivalry lighting his gaze. “You better be prepared to put your money where your mouth is,” he teased, his grip on your hand tightening almost imperceptibly.

[nicksbestie]

Hey! If it’s not too much to ask, could you write a fic where Matt is a little bit tried to hide that he’s slipped from his partner (I don’t mind female or gender neutral :))? Thank you angel 💜💜💜

Hiding - M. Sturniolo

Summary : Despite being incredibly loved and supported, your boyfriend still struggles a lot with anxiety about how he chooses to cope. Good thing you can always tell when he needs you <3

Pairing : Matt Sturniolo/Reader (romantic)

Warnings : mentions of anxiety, worrying

Word Count : 1124

A/N : This is an age regression fic, which is purely safe for work and innocent. Any hate/disrespect towards me, my work, or readers, will not be tolerated.

Your boyfriend was the sweetest person that you had ever met. You had never met someone who was so genuinely kind hearted, despite everything that they had dealt with and been through, and you considered yourself so incredibly lucky to have such a darling person in your life, especially being your partner. He dealt with a lot in his life, especially now that he was a public figure, and you knew that could become incredibly difficult for him. It often showed in his time off of the camera, as his job was not stress free. His anxiety could often be uncontrollable, and it was something that he had struggled with for his entire life. 

He had been through so many coping mechanisms in his life, desperately trying to find something that would ease his worries, and it took him a long time to find something comfortable for him. He took a while before he even told you about it, a little worried and afraid that he would be judged by you, despite knowing that you loved him unconditionally. When he finally told you that he had chosen regression as a coping mechanism, you comforted him with open arms, telling him that you were insanely proud of him, knowing that it had been difficult to overcome the anxiety swelling in his mind to just tell you about it. 

Matt was the sweetest little, his age falling around the toddler range, and he was the most gentle baby you’d ever taken care of. He was quiet, fairly introverted, and extremely cuddly. He was a very loving little one, and he was nearly always happy while he was in headspace. He’s a cute baby, but sometimes, his anxiety follows him into his littlespace. Every now and then, it really got to him, and he was even more attached to you, terrified of the world, trusting you to take care of him and keep him safe. Because of this anxiety sometimes getting to him, during these days, he often fought his regression, feeling extremely self conscious about it, but you were always there to help him relax. 

Today was clearly one of those days. You had noticed that Matt had been picking at his nails a lot, his eyes always darting back and forth, and his body just generally screamed that he was anxious. You had done everything you could to help that day, hugging him lots, texting and telling him lots of words of encouragement, making sure that you were never far from him just in case he needed you. You didn’t know what had caused today to be such a bad day, but it was entirely possible that it was simply just one of those days. Anxiety can be unpredictable, and maybe he had just woken up unlucky today. You were supportive throughout the entire day, ignoring the nagging feeling in your chest, knowing that Matt hadn’t had time to regress in multiple days now. 

When he had to go many days without his form of stress relief, it often caused his anxiety to get a lot worse. You had a feeling that he really needed to have little time, but it was clear that he was busy today. He had a lot to do for filming videos, brand collabs, getting set up to film the next podcast episodes, and he had nearly been working nonstop for the past week. You knew deep down that he needed to relax, but you unfortunately had to wait and support him through the day first. The day continued, they finished filming a car video, and the second that Matt pulled into the garage, you immediately went downstairs to check on him. Nick and Chris thundered out of the car, laughing about some stupid joke, not noticing how Matt threw his head back into the seat, eyes closing, and a deep sigh leaving his lips, before putting his head in his hands. 

You hurriedly opened the door, helping him out of the car and pulling him into a deep hug, helping him walk back up the stairs. His exhaustion was written all over his face, and you could feel it as he let you carry half of his weight. You helped him change into more comfortable clothing, and he immediately threw himself down on the bed, curling up into you when you laid down next to him. You wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back and running a hand through his hair, gently whispering comforts and praise, noticing the way he slowly went completely silent. You let him lay there in quiet for a while, hugging him, and softly kissing his forehead before speaking. 

“Are you okay, honey?” 

He simply nodded into your chest, not answering, and you had a suspicion that he was slipping, and trying to hide the fact that he was feeling little. You didn’t want to pressure him, wanting to give him the space to tell you himself, but you didn’t think he was going to do that tonight, so you spoke again. 

“Okay, sweetheart. I’m here if you need me, alright bubba?” 

Before you knew it, loud sobs were filling the room, Matt hugging you tighter and attempting to make himself appear smaller, clearly feeling immense levels of fear and embarrassment. Your eyes softened, continuing to comfort him while he cried. 

“Oh, angel. Deep breaths, baby, you’re safe. You’re going to be okay, my love, I’ve got you. Nothing to worry about anymore, honey, I’m going to make sure you’re taken care of.” 

It seemed to only make him cry harder, unable to speak to save his life, simply clinging to you and crying out all of his frustrations into the person he trusted with his life, his most vulnerable headspace. You reassured him, whispering sweet nothings to him while he cried it out, slowly stopping the tears, hiccuping a little bit, and if he wasn’t so sad, you would’ve found it so cute. You gently wiped his tears away, pressing little kisses to his forehead and cheeks, keeping him in your arms so he felt encased, but in the safest possible way. When he cried this hard, and had this bad of a day, he always cried himself right into a nap, and you were patiently expecting it. 

You knew he needed the rest, and you kept him held close to your body, his stuffed animal clutched in his arms, tears drying, and slowly yawning. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep against you, face flushed, and you held him as he slept, knowing that no matter what mood he was in when he woke up, you would always be here to take care of him, and he didn’t have to hide.

~ taglist : @blahbel668 @strnilo @mattsgirlfrieeend @69isabella69 @mayhem-72 @iculdstealurgf @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @sturnioloslife @heartsforkarina @nervousrebelglitter @sturniclo @elliegrace-7 @mattsturnioloisbae

~ if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here!

~ my inbox is open, come chat!

[pix-writes]

Thank you so much for answering my question! You always give very thorough and thoughtful answers 🥹🥹 If you don't mind me asking, can I ask the same question about friendships (possible lovers later, just like with Stanley) but with Ford? Thank you so much again, I really love reading your analysis 🥹🙌🏻✨️!!

Aw thank you! ☺️

(answer under cut)

I think I've gone over a little bit about how Ford would be in the beginning of a friendship/relationship in this post. Mainly talking about how his flaws/past wound would hinder him forming relationships, generally.

Though I did mention that I think Ford would be easy to bond with, in terms of connecting over something intellectual or nerdy. If you're someone who is game to tag along on research or adventures and can lend a hand figuratively/physically, then your friendship will start to grow, as quality time is the best way to get to know him (he may be a hero/adventurer, but he's truly an introvert with introvert hobbies). Shared interests are something that seems very important to Ford, having been starved of a lot of affection and deeper connections in the past, especially since he found making friends in school/college; so as long as you share a few passions, he'll open up to you fairly quickly.

However, it will take him more time to form a romantic connection and for him to act on it, it will be very slow burn because firstly, he simply doesn't move fast in a relationship, or at least not as fast as modern dating seems to be, and second of all because he has a little insecurity over whether you're interested in him or not/should be interested in him. It takes Ford a little bit to be convinced you won't get your head turned by someone more 'suitable' in his mind. This is also in part to the trauma from Bill's manipulation and torture, whilst you may have only connected after bill was erased, it still brings up trust issues in him and he needs to feel he could trust a partner - as well as work through anxiety about putting you in potential danger (will be quite protective over you as a partner as a result of this).

Kindness will go a long way in securing his opinion of you as someone trustworthy, not only to him but Ford seeing you be kind to his family, your other friends, even to strangers or just plain altruistic in actions not just in words, means that he can trust that he has evidence to back up what he thinks of you and not fall into a similar trap like he did with bill.

Also will admire you for any show of bravery or doing what is right (especially if it's in a situation where it's against the odds, whether it's something dire or a situation where it would be easy to give into social pressures). He appreciates when people say what they mean and are direct with him, as he'll be the same with them (I'm neurodivergent and I hc Ford is too, so this may be specific to being ND, as it's confusing when neurotypical people talk in circles to me!)

Friendship with Ford would include:

watching nerdy TV/films together, whilst I think Ford has only passingly known of/shown interest in world events even before the portal incident, he still managed to have some semblance of interests/life outside of his research, it may arguably not have been a lot, but considering his interest in dnd (including the intergalactic versions) and how he wanted to drop everything to play it with dipper in that one episode, he is definitely interested in catching up on all the nerdy TV/films he's missed out on, cue watching LOTR, star wars, star trek etc. However his gaps in world events comes up as well at the most random of times, he didn't really ask much on what he's missed out in world news (it's not relevant to his work or so he thinks), which can be both hilarious and sad, as as his friend you have to catch him up or remind him (e.g. 'no sixer, the soviet union doesn't exist any more, remember?' 'oh yeah, there was a war in Afghanistan... What do you mean how did it start?!')

playing board games/video games, like I said above Ford is a long time player of ttrpgs and so you will be persuaded into playing some version of a DND campaign if you're not already into it. Ford's excellent at teaching the mechanics and actually pretty good at roleplay and DMing, he can't do many voices but his storytelling is masterful (he is an author after all, even if he wasn't writing fiction and has lots of past practice from college). Dives straight into 5e, learns it quickly and creates his own homebrew version in no time at all! If you introduce him to the concept of dnd shows, he becomes a critter for sure! Essek and Percy are his favourite characters in Critical Role. Hums the theme song sometimes when he's working in the lab. Dipper gets him into Minecraft and you together construct a large home base and underground lab in the game. A lot of these games can take a long time, definitely have stayed up till 3 or 4 am on a campaign more than once.

research in the lab together or out in the field and debating with Ford about all sorts of topics, including your current research projects and both of your hypotheses. You might not have the same skill set as him but he values a different perspective from his own, you help balance out his hyperfocus. Is protective of you if something might be dangerous, will want him to be the one that gets hit/hurt if anyone has to, though both of you have had to patch up the other.

Getting into debates: Ford loves a mental challenge, he doesn;t realise its good for him (consciously/not until post-weirdmageddon) but having someone who isn't afraid to challenge him or speak their mind with him helps to keep him grounded and for him to really pause and think about his theories/morals. It doesn't have to be too deep though, perhaps you simply disagree on something, this will turn into a full debate, but despite some thinking you're arguing, its more of a passionate conversation, you're both having fun. Plus its even more fun when Ford ends up agreeing with you (its rare but it boosts your ego when it does happen)

related to the adventures a little: expect Ford to praise you/your efforts, (reminds me a bit like the 9th doctor or Sherlock) will just be doing something or figuring out a code or puzzle he'll exclaim "fascinating!" Or brilliant/fantastic/excellent/good, sometimes he's not aware he's saying these hushed phrases! Or he'll follow it up with questions, eyes lit up from being energised in his work, like "fascinating! How did you reach that conclusion?" 🤓

catching him up on technology, he finds it difficult compared to the high tech stuff from other universes but I like to hc he would get over it eventually, he's not the most adept in terms of keeping up with internet culture but is when it comes to tinkering with technology and experimenting/improving it. Still likes to call people instead of text and will have regular phone calls with you if you or him are away from each other.l, eases his worries about you (he's protective and still has nightmares from time to time so he likes to hear your voice so he knows you're ok).

Spending quieter moments together, even if its just stargazing on the stan o war whilst stan fishes, if you're close friends, I can imagine Ford would like hugs, holding hands and on the odd occaision napping cuddled up together (platonically) - the naps happened by accident at first, however its nice and your adventures are exhausting sometimes, so you now get the weighted blanket for you to both lie under for an hour or two (Mabel definitely has a picture of you asleep on her phone because its adorable).

Ford hasn't driven for 30 yrs (well not a regular old car anyway) so you've definitely had to drive him places/collect him before because his attempts at driving are almost as reckless as Stan is behind the wheel 😬 on a boat though? He's the most trustworthy captain 🫡 meticulous on the safety checks, will boss you and stan about a little on what to do, but you know it's for good reason... most of the time

[centrally-unplanned]

Bocchi The Rock! is really hitting sweet spots for me on how it presents its main character’s core plot concept. Bocchi is essentially K-On! but if main girl Yui was too introverted to function instead of too stupid to function; which is a challenge to make interesting. The Yui of this show, Hitori, is a social train wreck who convinced herself learning guitar would substitute for having a personality and make her friends, with the expected 0% success rate. The plot follows her new desperate attempt to achieve friend-dom by joining a band. Which is a character concept that gives us some extremely relatable content: 

Yet the show does still have the challenge of making a character who sucks at socializing be the main character of a Slice of Life show about socializing. Its a comedy, obviously, but still that can get repetitive fast, these character types are often side characters for a reason. Shows like WataMote keep it fresh by making main girl Tomoko a degenerate scumbag on top of a shut-in, its the *degeneracy* that powers the show; you want to have an angle on characters like these

Bocchi’s angle is both character & directorial. On the character side, what endears me to Hitori is how much she is halfway there on understanding social interaction. She might be a breathing pink stress ball but she isn’t clueless, she knows, kindof, what you need to do to make friends - her panic-attack levels of social anxiety just preclude it. So you get opening scenes like these, where she dresses full-musician to go to school to inspire musician-types to talk to her:

And it falls flat on her face because she has been there for months already and still refuses to initiate anything:

But that is what fashion is for! She did look good, in another context this would work (and does accidentally to trigger the ~plot later)

Or when learning about her new also-weirdo band mate Ryo, she goes from “yes friend!!”:

To, 5 seconds later on hearing that she spends her time visiting ruined buildings & second-hand clothing stores, “oh no, not like me at all”:

Which is actually pretty smart for 5 seconds of thought, Hitori groks that interests correlate with personality and people relate to being alone differently.

The point is that Hitori’s social failure is stacked on top of social insight, the humor derives from what she gets right vs wrong. Her *almost* getting it is more enjoyable, and more importantly way more likeable, than her just flailing. She holds the stupid ball for sure but you get why, she is trying to throw it away at least, which is endearing instead of frustrating.

More exceptional is how the show communicates her struggle; she can’t talk good right? So tons of her dialogue is internal dialogue - which you have to spice up somehow, static shots w/ voice narration is not very fun. Bocchi has a grand time playing one of anime’s trump cards of having fantastical brain-scape setpieces to communicate mood. That ‘she is a loner’ revelation ain’t settling for some sparkling pink-background; we have a full apocalypse to carry her aborted dream instead:

Communicating information hits the same struggle as emotion; this is a show about music after all, and another of anime’s strengths its presumption the audience actually is interested in the details of the niche hobby stuff the show is about. But Hitori-in-actuality couldn’t teach someone how to breathe let alone music tips, so instead we get random artistic cutaways to diagrams and explainers by imaginary instruments:

Which I love! Its expressive, you can shift the artstyle in a way that doesn’t clash, it lets the animators flex technique, and the information gets across without dragging down pacing (a lot of media, *unable* to do this, simply cuts the information out entirely, primarily to spite me). 

And of course since all of this is happening inside Hitori’s head, she is, apparently, immensely creative - I love her now, teach me your ways my gumball princess! Her head would be a great place to be if you could lobotomize the anxiety somehow. All this means that Hitori, while awkward, is rarely cringe - partly because the directing always cuts away from any shots that would focus on cringe, but mainly because Hitori is too interesting to be cringe, you got other things to think about.

All in all Bocchi the Rock is my favourite silly-Slice-of-Life show of the season, and I hope it continues this level of playfulness going forward.

[th0rns-n-r0ses]

Okayyyy I see that nobody is talking a whole lot about slash’s happy trail so could you do a fic about late 80s slash x reader

When slash is meeting the reader for the first time and they’re a bit shy and introverted but they can’t help but take glances at slash’s happy trail and what not. Slash takes notice and finds it amusing - also bit interesting since he didn’t think that they’d be interested in him. with smut please :D

I love your work :D

feel your love tonight ~

slash (saul hudson) ~ 2556 words ~ female reader ~ smut ~

~~~~~

After attending a Guns N’ Roses concert tonight, your friends decide to hit the bar after the show. After all, who wouldn’t love an ice cold beer after a 3 hour long show? It’s the perfect way to cool down and end the night. All is going well, you and your friends are flirting around with some guys at the bar, picking them up for the night.

But that’s when you spot him.

His dark, curly hair and an open shirt paired with blue jeans, soaking in the cool moonlight of the evening. Instantly, you recognize him. Slash, the talented guitarist who’s always caught your eye. 

With the way his head is tilted back, you can see the features of his face. His soft lips entice you, a cigarette poking from between them. The embers flare as he inhales, and your eyes involuntarily drift down his body. Sweat clings to his chest as he attempts to cool off, the open shirt exposing his upper body. Your eyes drift lower, and lower, and lower, and your breath seems to stop as you spot a line of hair that starts at the middle of his stomach, reaching down into his pants. You swallow hard, unable to tear your eyes away. And your friends have definitely noticed.

“Hey.” One of your friends whispers to you, shaking your shoulder a bit. “Go talk to him, I dare you.”

You look back at her with wide eyes, then glance at the rest of the table. They’re all smiling and laughing a little, as if they believe you won’t do it. So you give them a determined look, pride swelling in your heart.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll do it.”

You puff your chest out confidently, then glance over at Slash. He’s still sitting alone, gazing at what stars sprinkle the sky, the embers brightening on the cigarette as he inhales through his mouth, then exhales from his nose.

You push your chair back, the metal scraping against the raw concrete of the patio. He glances over for a moment, the sound seemingly catching his attention. You quickly snap your head away, looking at your friends, hoping he didn’t see you looking. But when you glance at him after a few moments, he doesn’t seem to be looking anymore.

So you stand up, looking over at him again. You take in a deep breath, then walk over to him. As soon as he looks over at you, your confident buildup crumbles instantly while you stand before him. Slash sits up and rests his elbows on his thighs, taking the cigarette from his lips.

“What may I do for you, honey?” He asks, his tone gentle as he brushes his curls back and away from his face. All words vanish from your mind, unsure on what to say.

Slash laughs softly, but not at your expense. He understands your anxiety, as it’s not everyday someone gets the opportunity to talk to him. After all, there are so many people in this world and few who get so close to him.

You simply stare down at him, then dip your head as you lean in a little closer.

“Could- Could you sign my shirt?” Your voice shakes slightly as you speak, still starstruck and bewildered in his presence. Slash simply smiles at you and pulls a permanent marker from his pocket, leaning over and signing your shirt.

“I learned to keep a pen on me at all times.” His voice is cool and smooth, like the moonlight that shines down on his skin. “Never know when someone’s gonna ask for a signature. And usually, people don’t carry pens.”

You simply nod in response, not quite paying attention to his words as your eyes drift back to his happy trail. It makes your heart flutter and your stomach jump, something about it catching your attention.

Once done signing his name on the chest of your shirt, he pulls back and sits back. His eyes examine your face, eventually following your eyes to the hair on his stomach. He simply ignores the look, but his eyes dart to your friends, who seem to stare. Slash stands up and stamps out the cigarette, looking up from it at you.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He offers, his tone still soft and kind. You nod in response, following him inside and to the bar. The bartender walks over and Slash orders a beer for him and one for you. You simply glance between the two as the conversation goes on.

“You’re quite cute, y’know that? Although, you don’t talk much.” Slash comments, brushing his hair back again. He gives you a soft smile that matches his tone.

“Oh, thanks! And I’m sorry, I’m just-” Your words trailing off, searching for the right definition.

“No need to apologize.” Slash chuckles, resting his forearm on the bar and leaning on it. “Speaking of, what’s your name? Pretty girl like you’s gotta have a pretty name.” Whether or not he’s really interested or just trying to get laid tonight, his comment gets to you as your face heats up. Your confidence builds up once more, but this time out of comfort rather than pride.

“My name’s Y/N.” You say, your eyes exploring his soft brown ones.

“Y/N,” Slash echoes, looking back into your eyes. His soft, somewhat-forced smile is overtaken with a genuine one. “That’s a very pretty name.”

“Thank you, Slash.” You gently rest your hand on top of his, his warm skin against yours making your heart swell. He glances down at your hands, his smile growing softer. After looking at your hands together for a bit, he shifts his hand to hold yours, both of your fingers winding together in a comforting hold.

Slash nervously clears his throat, his gaze drifting back up to yours. His soft brown eyes have a hint of nervousness in them, and he seems a little shy about his next question.

“Hey, I was wondering.. Would you like to go on a drive with me?”

~~~

The next thing you know, you’re sitting in the shotgun seat of his convertible with him in the driver’s seat, turning the key as the engine rumbles on. Upon looking up, you notice the full moon hanging over the warm night sky.

His car drives along the open road, winding through the trees as the leaves cut up the moonlight. Slash moves a hand off the wheel, wrapping it around your shoulder. You look over at him with a smile, and he glances at you, his expression matching yours.

As he looks back at the road, your eyes drift back down to the trail of hair on his body. But this time, something’s different. The waist on his pants is loose, letting you look down a tad bit more. You look away quickly, your face flooding with heat. Slash rubs your shoulder, and it’s safe to assume that he took notice.

“You seem to like that thing a lot, huh?” He laughs quietly, his thumb rubbing your shoulder as his fingers slide under the fabric of your shirt. His touch causes your breath to pick up, his warm skin contrasting yours. And you can’t help but feel turned on…

Subconsciously, you scoot closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder as his hand snakes down your arm, rubbing your skin. He turns the car into an open field, driving through the soft grass as he continues to rub your arm.

Slash parks the car, pulling you closer to him as he pulls the key away from the car and stuffs it into his pocket. His free hand rests upon your face, cupping your cheek as he looks into your eyes. His gaze drags you in as you lean in closer to him, your hand slipping to the back of his neck. Now in close proximity to you, his lips brush against yours, almost as if asking for permission to kiss you.

Your lips lock with his, and his hand slips from your sleeve to the small of your back, holding you to him. Slash’s hand moves from your cheek to the back of your head, keeping you close to him. The feeling of his soft, warm lips makes your heart jump inside of your chest, your body craving more of his touch. His tongue slips out from between his lips, touching yours. Your tongue greets his in return, the heat building as you feel your body grow hotter and hotter.

Slash pulls you into the backseat of his car, laying you down on the seat as his lips reconnect with yours, the fire pulsing in his blood as you feel his clothed cock rub up against your thigh. A groan escapes your lips as his hands travel across your body, feeling you everywhere he can reach. Your hands grab at his shoulders, pulling him down on top of you as your tongues dance together in your mouths, the intensity of the moment building between you. 

Slash’s hands glide up your torso, feeling your shape and curves through the fabric of your shirt. He slides his hands back down, his fingers running under the bottom of your shirt and feeling your bare skin under his touch. Your breath catches in your throat as he pulls away from your kiss, pulling your shirt off of you as your body becomes exposed to him. His hands brush across your skin, almost as if he’s worshiping your presence before him.

“You’re so damn beautiful, Y/N.” Slash murmurs into your ear, his voice sending chills shooting down your spine. His lips kiss along your jaw, the touch making you squirm beneath him slightly. Your hands move under his open shirt, pulling off everything that restricts his upper body from yours.

“Oh my God,” You gasp, unable to tear his eyes from his body. His strong build is like heaven, and his lips are like a cherry on top to his entire being.

Slash reaches his hands around your body, unclipping your bra and pulling it away from your body. You lean your head back and groan as your nipples harden from the chill of the night air. Slash’s teeth nip down your neck before reaching your collar, where he stops and sucks on the skin. You let out a moan of desire and pleasure, wanting him more and more with each passing second.

As he releases his lips from the spot on your neck, you can feel his hot breath heat up your skin as his eyes scan your body up and down, taking you in as desire flashes through his eyes. His soft, slightly-wet lips are parted, his tongue slipping out as he licks his lips.

“God, I need you so badly.” He groans as his hand pushes back his hair, showing his face from behind his locks. Slash dips his head back down again, biting and sucking on your breasts, leaving small red splotches as he ambushes your skin with his mouth. You toss your head back, groaning as his lips inch their way closer and closer to the sensitive skin of one of your nipples. As he licks one of them, you feel your back arch as your head leans back, letting out a groan from deep in your throat.

“You make such pretty noises..” He mutters, securing his lips around your nipple and swirling his tongue around it. You moan again, desire and heat coursing through your veins as you claw desperately at the waist to his jeans. Using your ankles, you drag down his slightly-loose pants, pulling them to his knees as he pushes down, his cock pressing against the crotch of your pants. His hands glide down your body as his mouth pulls away from your breast, and he tugs down your shorts to access your body. Slash’s eyes glance up at yours before he pulls down the last of the clothing remaining on your body.

His lips connect to your jaw again, kissing and nipping at your skin. From this, you can tell he wants you to take off his boxers. So you slip your hands under the elastic, tugging it off of him as his cock brushes against your stomach. Your fingers grip his shoulders tightly, preparing for what’s to come. Slash adjusts his position, moving his body so he can access you.

“Are you ready, gorgeous?” He mutters, his voice deep and husky with desire.

“Yeah, I’m- I’m ready-” You exhale, squeezing your eyes shut as you feel him slowly push inside of you. You grunt, panting as you try to relax yourself. From biting your lips to suppress any stray moans, you pant as he pushes into you. He leans over you, panting and groaning as his lips hover next to your ear. Slash kisses your cheek, holding you by your shoulders as he rocks his hips, starting the friction between the both of you. Your body squirms beneath his, writhing at the feeling of his cock pleasing you.

“Slash-” You moan, your head leaned back as you grab at his shoulders. His mouth remains at your ear, grunting as he thrusts into you. You whine loudly, panting as your hips move with his. He moans into your ear, then ducks his head down to nibble at your earlobe slightly.

“Oh, my God, Y/N..” He pants, groaning softly as his thrusts pick up in pace slightly. “You feel so good-” Slash tilts his head back, grunting as he pushes himself deeper into you. You shout with pleasure, digging your fingers into his shoulders. His hands move to your neck, his hands resting at the sides as his thumbs stroke the skin on top of it. He presses his head down, sucking on your neck as his hips snap into yours. You groan loudly, tilting your head back not only to give him access but in preparation for your soon-to-come finish.

“Slash-” You groan again, your brain going fuzzy as your mind spins. “I’m so close-” You speak breathlessly, hanging on by a thread as he smiles down at you softly, moving his head up to look at you. His thumb strokes your cheek as grunts escape his lips from his powerful thrusts.

“Me too, baby..” Slash leans down with his lips at your ear again, his voice in a dark and lustful whisper. “I’m close too.”

He dips his head again, his breaths growing quick, deep and sharp as he tips over the edge, spilling into you as your walls clench him tight. He groans your name loudly, his hips bucking into yours before he collapses on top of you, burying his face in your neck.

You lay together for around 30 minutes, your positions changed. Your head lays on his chest as your body remains curled up next to his. To protect you from the cold of the night, he pulled out a blanket he keeps in the trunk of his car. Slash strokes your hair softly, looking up at the stars. You sigh, pressing a kiss to his skin.

“I haven’t felt this relaxed in forever.” You murmur, your eyes meeting his. A soft smile dances across his lips as he looks down at you, still petting your hair soothingly.

“Neither have I, gorgeous. Neither have I.”

~~~~~

[applejuicefruit]

haaland and reader where she has social anxiety and they go to an event and she has a panic attack and so they both leave and erling didn’t care about the event because reader was his priority please 💓

Yes finally someone requested for him 😭

Thank you for requesting this I hope you like it ❤️

Breathe in

You’ve always hated parties or big events.

You were a very shy and introvert person, you hated being in big crowds so you always avoided them. But when you’re dating someone as famous as Erling Haaland it was kinda impossible to avoid those events.

He knew about your social anxiety and he never pressured you into doing anything you weren’t comfortable with.

Tonight you both got invited to a football event and much to your dismay you had to go. You knew everyone would be there with their girlfriends and you didn’t want to look like someone who didn’t care.

So you both got ready.

Stylist and make up artists were at your house to help you getting you ready.

You wore a black long dress paired with some fine jewellery and a pair of black heels.

Your make up wasn’t too heavy but still noticeable.

“You look amazing my darling” Erling said the moment he saw you coming down from the stairs. You shyly smiled at him and thanked him.

You both got into the driver’s car and got on the road.

There was so much tension in the car, your legs kept bouncing and you were playing with your hands.

Erling noticed it and put a hand on your thigh trying to reassure you.

You simply smiled.

When you arrived you felt anxiety taking the best of you but you tried to shove it away.

Erling hands never left yours.

You walked the red carpet hand in hand, hearing all his fans calling for you two. He was so happy and you couldn’t be happier for him. This was everything he ever wanted so seeing his smiling face made you so proud.

Still you couldn’t focus, the constant fear of being watched and judged by other people scared you.

You hands shaking a bit but you pretended it was everything fine, at least on the outside.

Once you got inside the room where the event was held you felt a little bit more at ease, less photographers, absolutely no fans screaming his name, only a few new faces of footballers you’ve never met that went up to you and Erling to introduce themselves.

“You okay?” Erling whispered in your ears and you simply nodded not trusting your voice. All these people made you uncomfortable, everyone wanted to meet you and you had no idea why. You weren’t famous, you were just dating someone famous but that didn’t make you famous, right?

Wrong.

People wanted to take pictures with you and Erling and it kinda freaked you out.

“Excuse me” you said gently trying to get out of the crowd around you.

You got out of the room and went straight to the corridor.

Erling calling your name but you couldn’t hear it. Tears falling from your eyes and your heart beating so fast in your chest you thought it was going to explode.

“Babe stop” he said grabbing your arm and turning you around

“I-I can’t breathe” you whispered and put a hand on your chest

“Babe listen to me” he said looking straight into your eyes “try to copy me” he said but you couldn’t focus

“I can’t” you said, tears falling on your face, your head dizzy and your hands shaking

“Shhh-shhh it’s okay, baby it’s okay” he said to you and put his hands on yours “you’re okay, everything’s fine, you’re fine” he tried to calm you down with his voice but still you couldn’t focus and he noticed too “babe I need you to listen to me…listen to my voice, focus only on my voice…calm down baby, everything’s okay, everything’s alright, you’re okay” he whispered to you and somehow it worked. You tried to focus only on his voice, his hands on top of yours and his eyes never leaving your face.

“Calm down princess, you’re okay, it’s okay” he kept whispering and you calmed down. Tears still coming out from your face but your breathing went back to normal

“I’m so sorry” you whispered softly and he hugged you

“There’s nothing to be sorry for…you’re okay…”

“I didn’t want to have a panic attack…I tried to control it but-“

“Babe, it’s not your fault okay?” he told you and you nodded “I’m glad you’re okay now…I should have listened to you when you told me you didn’t want to come, please forgive me baby…” he said now feeling guilty

“No Erling it’s not your fault…I love you okay?”

“I love you too baby. So much. You have no idea” he said wiping your tears and kissing your cheeks “let’s go home honey…”

“What? No we have just arrived…it’s your night baby…”

“I don’t care, I really could care less about this event, you’re my priority, I love you too much to see you suffering…now” he said kissing both of your hands “we go home, we change into our pajamas and we watch some marvel movies, how that sound?” he smirked a bit and you smiled

“It’s perfect” you replied and went straight back to the car.

A few people asked you why you were leaving but Erling simply said it was because he wasn’t feeling good.

You loved how he always protected you.

Once you got home, you both changed into more comfortable clothes, he wore his pajamas and you wore one of his pajamas too, you loved having his perfume on you, it made you feel safe and comfortable. You cuddled on the couch, watching Doctor Strange, your favorite marvel movie while waiting for food to arrive.

“Thank you so much Erling, for everything” you said, your head on his chest and his arms around you.

He kissed your forehead and your cheeks making you laugh a little bit.

“You are my priority babe…I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel safe and protected, you’re my life y/n…I hate to see you crying, all I ever want to see on your beautiful face is your smile” he said starting to prepping all of your face with kisses making you laugh.

You spent the night in each other’s arms, feeling safe, loved and protected.

[stars-n-spice]

So, this is it, huh?

I figured the least I could do was write something down before shit goes down because I know after tomorrow I don't think I'll be emotionally available to do or say much about the show and what it and the fanbase means to me.

The last few days, my mind has been a whirlwind of emotions and I don't think I've ever really suspended my disbelief since it was announced that this would be the last season.

I felt like Po honestly, in Kung Fu Panda 2, when he's like "But I just got Kung Fu!" when they're talking about Lord Shen making that weapon that straight-up kills people who practice Kung Fu (I'm going somewhere with this just bear with me-) because I'm fairly new to the animated shows of Star Wars fandom and didn't start hyperfixating on Bad Batch until midway through Season 2 while those episodes were still releasing.

So when they announced that the 3rd season was the final season I was devastated. "What do you mean no more Bad Batch? I just got Bad Batch!" - I didn't want to believe it.

But here we are. Final season. Final episode.

I can't describe how the obsession started. It just did.

When the first season was coming out, I was still on Season 6 of TCW, so I got into it a little late. Then when it was over I immediately jumped into watching Rebels and became utterly obsessed with that show while Bad Batch just stayed, "Oh, neat show I watched."

Then the second season came out. I don't know how or when or why but suddenly something just went off in my brain and I became obsessed. I became attached. I fell in love with Wrecker in a way that I've never once felt or experienced towards any other fictional character, or person for that matter. I grew to understand Crosshair on a deeper level that made my heart ache for him and made me reflect on my own past and choices. Echo became a comfort character and an anchor in my life in where he's the first thing I think of when I'm down to put myself in a better mood. Suddenly I was ready to give Omega the universe and everything good in it. Tech became a lifelife (ironically) a hope that despite how I am and who I am, I'm capable of loving and being loved. And recently I've become so incredibly attached to Hunter because as the oldest child of five as well, I know that crushing weight of responsibility. Of failing your siblings. Of trying to be better.

This squad. This family. Cheesy as it is, I can't describe what they mean to me but Force, I'll try.

Recently I've been wondering why I'm so attached to this show and these characters. Jokingly, part of it is yes, the Bad Batch are lovely to look at and that does play a role in why I enjoy watching the show so much, but that's not completely it.

I think I speak for a lot of us fans when I say that I didn't fit in as a kid. I still don't even as an 'adult.' Look, I'm a biracial guy from two VERY different cultures that don't feel like home to me. On top of that, half of the time I don't know how to identify myself in gender and sexuality because I don't feel either most of the time. I'm introverted. I have anxiety. I probably have autism. I'm a burnt-out former gifted kid. I quite simply don't fit in.

"No, I'll stay. You guys don't fit in here either."

That? Yeah.

This show is for all those kids. Everyone who never fit in. Everyone who was told they were strange or weird, for the kids who ate glue in the back of the classroom, who were told they were too loud, who were put down because they didn't express emotion a certain way, for the kids who sat alone at lunch, who got left behind in their friend groups, for the kids who felt like they had no one so turned to harmful things, for the kids who were told they were special only to be discarded later in life, for the kids who don't know their place, don't know where they fit in and if they even do or ever will.

It's a show that tells those kids you're more than that. You're worth it. You're worth loving. You're worth protecting. You're worth the second chance. You're worth being loyal to. You're worth teaching. You're worth forgiving. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it.

In the end there's hope for us. There's hope for all of us. And I think that's why I cling to tightly to this show. Why it means so much to me. Why I so desperately need these characters to make it out alive.

It's what Star Wars was from the start. About hope. About family. About loving and being loved and learning to love despite your circumstances. It's a show that took a bunch of neurodivergent absolute daddies and packed in so much angst but also feel-good moments with stunning animation, beautiful, moving music, and phenomenal voice acting. It's a show I can't help but love and love immensely because it feels like it was written for me.

For that kid who spent their recesses with their nose buried in an animal encyclopedia or talking to imaginary characters from their favorite books. For that kid who always felt so utterly useless and hopeless whenever they got less than an A- for a grade because they were supposed to be the gifted one. For the kid who struggled so much to be the older sibling they never asked to be. For the kid who just wants to find someone, anyone, who will love them as they are and fight for them. For the kid who valued loyalty above all else, always has, always will, and never gets it in return. For the kid who never fit in.

And well, whatever happens in the finale, I'm so grateful, so blessed, and so honored to have been a part of this journey with all of you.

[amywarrel]

Sonny Boy and The Lost Youth - an anime analysis by Amy Warrel

This analysis is enormous. You have been warned.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world is confusing. No one knows how to properly navigate it. You’ll get a grasp on it eventually and there might be people to help you out, but one day you might also drift apart. That’s a very sad notion, but it also one that reminds us of one thing: what we lived has value, those memories of old are meaningful and our connections to other people will continue to shape us long after those relations are over. Sonny Boy is not subtle in its commentary about getting lost in the world and society. The characters are all transported to a world in which their school is the whole extent of said world. Everything beyond it is pitch black; you can reach for it, but you don’t know what you’ll be getting yourself into. Inside, teenagers try to make it into a functional society, but are obviously all lacking in resources and life experience to do so. Some people are more talented or stronger than others, and that is enough for social bubbles to emerge. I’m sure most of us can relate to the notion that we are getting left behind, that other people are finding their careers, finding what they are good at, have a decent idea of what their life will be like once they step out of school or even already have a future guaranteed, but we — or I — always feel like the outcast.

As someone who spent their whole teen days knowing the only path I could pursue in life was the path of art — which ultimately led me to turn to literature —, I can highly relate to coming of age stories and the anxiety of stepping into adulthood. I can barely manage adulthood even after having been an adult for supposedly four years and “getting ready” — you eventually learn that school is not as good of a leeway into working life as you were led to expect — for it for many more years, so I can see a lot of myself in these character’s emotions, struggles and decisions.

Nagara is the closest thing to a stand-in for the audience in this show, but has enough of a personality that he does not come out as simply self-insert material. Being an introvert does not mean you don’t have a personality, it just means yours doesn’t come out as much, especially in such a confusing age and place where opening yourself up to others is hard when you don’t know how they will react and harder still when you might not even understand why you feel the way you feel. Nagara’s character is used to talk about others' expectations in a very direct way in a couple of episodes, as well as the importance of social connections, while the “speaking up for yourself'' part is also shared mainly with Mizuho.

I am surprised to see Mizuho not being revealed as a transgender character later in the series, since she is reading Stop!! Hibari-kun! In her first appearance, a 1981 manga about a transgender girl going through school who also turns out to be the daughter of a yakuza. Mizuho is by far the easiest character for me to relate to because of this, because of her relation to cats — I have more than twenty of them, it has gotten out of control, someone please help —, because I would have loved to look similar to her through my teenage days — having come out as a transgender girl myself after over a decade of suffering with gender dysphoria — and because she is just very entertaining to watch on screen. I also love her voice; Yuuki Aoi sounds like she is very close to the microphone when speaking just like how all the other characters are doing, which couples with the anime’s more simplistic art style dedicated to giving each character more distinct facial features instead of just telling everyone apart from their hair color, these being techniques that invite a lot more intimacy from the audience and drags them closer to the characters and, by extension, the themes. Having said that, something about Yuuki Aoi’s voice just entices me. I believe she communicates Mizuho’s melancholic and occasionally smug personality with impressive effectiveness.

Of course, the character’s don’t stand in school for long. The first episode’s arc is a very self-contained one about rules, authority and the dangers of it, in which losing said authority leads a kid to hit another one with a baseball bat in the head. Power is a dangerous thing, it messes with our morals, it makes us scared of risking it and can be used both for good and for evil, even by the same person. Give someone too much power and it’s a matter of time and circumstance until you get yourself a war.

I believe the first episode was presented this way with airing conditions in mind. Sonny Boy overall lands itself incredibly well on the style of episodic storytelling with a narrative and thematic throughline to glue it all together, honestly one of the best I have seen yet in that department. Making a first episode that presents the audience with a simple premise in a restricted environment is a great way to ease the viewer into the story.

That structure gets quickly expanded upon as Nozomi takes a leap of faith towards the unknown world, and all the students now find themselves on a new island and with the information that there are many “This Worlds”. All weird places that no one understands exactly, all connected in some fashion that they are still to uncover, and all of it can be conquered by the kids’ specific powers — talents, as they are thematically shown to be — and give them different rewards that they then have to learn how to use. It is not hard to see what that means: its plot significance is one of adding flavor and mystery to the world to better mark the student’s progress as they peel off the mechanics of these worlds little by little, but its thematic significance is one of putting your talents and skills to use and being rewarded for your work.

However, that is just the first episode and there are eleven more to go. Yes, I’ll be going through this commenting “briefly” about what stood out to me in every episode, which I never do, but this anime is an exception and it deserves it. Full on spoilers from now on, you have been warned.

Each episode deals with a couple of different themes but there are always one or two clearly main ones. The series is more interested in discussing these themes in its surreal world than properly grounding every facet of the worldbuilding, which is totally unnecessary once you are shining so many lights on the relevance of the themes above everything else. Yes, the anime has a lot of small little mechanics the characters need to understand about each world, but these mechanisms are generally intrinsically tied to the theme of each world, so don’t expect the type of worldbuilding we are used to seeing. It is not important that we know everything about the island, how far apart things are and where everything is being built, it is more important that we understand how the characters react to their environment and how they communicate — or attempt to — through said world.

Episode two, for instance, leads to the canonical creation of cryptocurrency by everyone’s dearest Rajdhani, but really the important aspect of it is commenting on how a society gets formed à la Lord of the Flies. There are other elements to this episode, such as Mizuho having to speak for herself as I commented earlier, the fact that value is attached to things by our own decisions and how this value can be altered through the means in which these things are obtained, but episode two is still primarily about introducing Mizuho’s character and her struggles with being a kid who wants to be more than just a kid.

I particularly love the fact that at no point does the plot judge Mizuho for having a crush on her teacher. That sort of stuff happens. She can’t be blamed for developing feelings for a figure she sees as a guiding light in a twisted world. We are very clearly led to understand that she decided to wear a ring not because she was in an actual relationship with him, but because she saw that as a stating of her own maturity. Other characters later bring attention more than once to Mizuho’s emotional dependency, it used to be put at least partially on her teacher, but because of the blackmailing she suffered and the circumstances of being stranded, that then turned exclusively to her cats. And I ask again: can she be blamed for it? No, she can’t, and I appreciate the writing for being self-aware enough to understand that and respect her character instead of turning this into what could have been a generic villainization of teen sexuality. Please note that I am only talking about her emotional dependency and her having a crush on her teacher, I am not saying that actually being involved in a romantical and or sexual relationship with a teacher is ethical, especially considering that Mizuho is sixteen years old.

One of the great things that fantastical elements in a story allows is the literalization of metaphors. Episode three does this by using a rule that makes recluse people totally isolated within a pocket dimension of endless black curtains, all connected to each other through gaps in these curtains, meaning there is a way for them to communicate with each other. In this dimension they are all doing what they want to be doing: one guy is livestreaming Pacman, there is one buff dude that only wants to work out and a girl that is sewing multiple stuffed toys… you get the idea.

Society isolates people and that should be a given in any system created by humans. There is simply too much idiosyncrasies in our relations and personalities and it would be goddam boring if everyone was the same. Of course it can get to a point where it is detrimental to the isolated person, but that begins as a way to cope with our inability to communicate with people we feel we should be able to communicate with — because everyone else does, apparently — and our interests and passions not being well-seen or simply really hard to turn into a living. Who wouldn’t like to live in a world in which subsistence is a given and we can do whatever we want and repeat our hobbies for as long as we can stand them because we enjoy it?

Some aspects of Sonny Boy’s multiple worlds can maybe be related to the concept of a noosphere: a state of evolution defined by our consciousness, mental activities and interactions with other people, it is both above and ahead of the geosphere and the biosphere and envisions a world in which Earth is essentially a super-organism and there is a layer of consciousness and information enveloping it all. I am not claiming to be an expert on the matter and maybe the creators weren’t even trying to pursue this idea in particular — seen in the fact that they like mentioning Robinson Crusoe, so you could expect then to mention the noosphere —, but the many This Worlds in the story are described as playing with consciousness and the mind. Also, in a noosphere humans would be united enough to be able to deal with global problems and Earth can self-regulate itself, which these Worlds do by their own set of rules. I’m sorry if anyone has studied this and if I said something wrong about it.

Going back to episode three, it keeps pulling the thread of commenting about isolation with things such as no one noticing these people’s disappearance except those in direct interaction with then and these people might not even go looking for the missing ones, which is certainly how most people I know describe the feeling of being depressed and the notion that no one understands them. It also has some very direct commentary about our capitalist society through reflecting on the fact that the blue flames of the island take everything away from you that you haven’t paid for and with Mizuho complaining about people wanting to be friends with her power — what she can do —, instead of with herself — who she is. It is not a particularly complex exploration of the individual's relation with capitalism and their worth in it, but at least it is something.

This episode also turns Nagara and Mizuho into a duo, which is something we are going to see a lot more of through the remaining episodes. You get the drill: they fail to communicate, fight, then manage to properly communicate — which goes hand in hand with the episode’s theme of isolation caused by an inability to communicate — and solve the issue together, yadda yadda, we have seen that before. It is executed competently and makes sense within the story, but Sonny Boy is not a non-stop flow of impressive big ideas and unexpected twists and turns leading to their incredible solution, it is that just most of the time.

Episode four then comments more directly about how talent can distance people. That is a recurring theme through the whole show, but in this episode we see a story about an ape who wanted to play baseball, but could not because of the physical liability of only having one arm, but that did not stop him from loving the sport and ending up as an arbiter, however he was seen as the common person, relegated to a background position while other, more talented and successful people shine in the spotlights, leading him to be killed by an enraged crowd for standing up to his sense of justice. Before that all the apes were indistinguishable, having to stand out on the basis of their prowess, while some people are like the blue ape, clearly different and talented enough to steal everyone’s attention and moments to shine, which leads him to forget his origin as the target of prejudice and causing harm to another victim when the goal of being perfect becomes more important than enjoying the moment and the success he already has. Ace then goes on to say that the arbiter’s death was fair because there are common people who drown other’s talents — referring to his talent and Nagara causing him to lose an important game back when they played baseball —, but of course he is totally wrong in this. Loving something and having a competitive mindset about it can blind people sometimes and Ace does not realize this, while Nozomi, being by far the most conscious of her surroundings and constantly having insights about the other kids' psychology everytime the “camera” zooms in on her eyes, is the first one to call attention to the fact that the impressive ape in the whole story is the arbiter, for standing up for himself against everyone knowing that he would be seen as the enemy.

I know most of what I just said is spelled out in the episode, but since I am committed to reviewing the whole show I have to mention these details, because Sonny Boy constantly builds upon the themes of the last episode in the next one instead of just going for unrelated yet interesting themes or repeating the same ones like I feel other shows I don’t resonate with very strongly often do.

Nagara is also shown to not have enough control of his own power to determine where he wants to go. We find out that he can only travel to other This Worlds and not back to their original one. I believe Nagara to be the carrier of this power because he is just enough of a blank-slate to fit virtually anywhere while also not feeling like he belongs in any of them, having no clear goal in life and thus not wanting to go to any place in particular, drifting through whatever comes his way. Sure, he can bring other people with him, but it’s not as if he is going to any one place.

We end this episode with the introduction of Aki-sensei, someone the kids recognize as being one of their teachers back in the real world. Aki-sensei immediately tells them that the fun and games have ended and that there is no way to go back to their original world. While a lot of what she says is put to the test later on, Aki turns out to be a figure of authority manipulating these kids and creating even more distinction between the groups, managing to bring every single person that would be willing to trust a figure who is supposed to know what she is doing while the other groups are made of the students that want to find that out for themselves. Her primary target for manipulation is Asakaze and everything that was needed for him to trust her was hearing that he was special, that he deserves special attention and that he has a special future. Again, this is dealing with the psychology of people receiving power and status, in this case especially by someone who he sees as having a better grasp on reality and thus making her words all the more meaningful.

As soon as the sides are clearly divided conflicts start emerging faster and it doesn’t take long until we see three separate groups being formed. That is expected to happen whenever there is a society, especially when it starts to grow and people gravitate towards others similar to them and in whom they believe in. Aki-sensei is not right in her manipulations by any stretch, but her presence merely accelerates an ongoing process. The meaning of Aki-sensei in the story changes a bit once when we find out she is actually not Aki-sensei but another student playing as her, changing what was a figure of authority manipulating kids in vulnerable positions to being one of those kids, just as lost or even more lost than the others, pretending to be a figure of authority who understand the world better than they do and presenting it as necessity of maintaining the status quo while framing the other kids as potentially dangerous precisely because they are trying to lay change upon the world. Knowing all of this, it is no surprise what their actions later escalate into.

One of the most interesting ideas the anime introduces is in episode six, where they find a world that is a giant cinema filled to the brim with records from Nagara’s perspective. It fits his character considering Nagara is used to spending his days as simply an observer that takes no action and the way the mechanics are played with are interesting. What if we edit the records? What if we play it backwards? It doesn’t really matter how much this amounts to, the questions are interesting enough by themselves. Not all changes made to the films actually happen, even if Nagara is present, this probably means that not everything done to the films will actually change his perception of reality. If it is something that he can’t imagine happening or doesn’t have enough suspension of disbelief to accept, then it likely doesn’t affect the real world.

Yamabiko is a particularly interesting addition to the cast: a once student turned dog who has lived for five thousand years and finally gives us some answers, claiming that the reason the drifting happens is because their principal is God, explaining that only the school and students can get adrift and that it only happens with people from the same school they went to, no matter the time in which that happened. Though there is not much that can be said about Yamabiko and the themes revolving around his character before the episode dedicated to expanding on his background, he is still a fun and mysterious character that shares good synergy with Mizuho. He does, however, say that the kids from the current drifting still have time to go back. Our experiences through a structure like school and our teenage days shape us and once we step outside of it, we aren’t the same as when we first stepped in. Since the perception of reality is an important concept in this episode, then this means that if we changed, then the world itself changed, because our reality is simply how we see it. Nozomi, for instance, keeps talking about her compass and the light she believes will guide them home, but we don’t have to actually see that light to believe her. Yamabiko on the other hand simply can’t go back, because he has lost too much and been around for too long, to the point where he doesn’t even fit the actual real world he was used to.

My favorite part of episode six is when Nozomi is talking about how she doesn’t want to walk down the safe paths people have told her about just to think “Ah, good going.” That’s not what life is for her. Nozomi is a very brave and insightful person and she wants to do what she wants to do, she is a free spirit that can appreciate the present more than all the other kids. She can get anxious and scared, but that is precisely why she does it. Nozomi wants to feel, wants to live and wants to take risks. Honestly I would like to be a little bit more like her, but I’m simply not brave enough.

Hoshi’s White Knight Syndrome is also brought to the forefront in this episode. He knew the school was going to go adrift and that is why he went to school that day, because he wanted to help these people, but this is not presented as simply altruism. Hoshi had always been drawn as creepy and scheming if not necessarily evil, but as we also find out, this desire of him to help others does not exist because he actually wants to help them, but because he has a god complex and wants to be a savior. Meaning, he’s going about it the wrong way.

Episode seven is my least favorite of the bunch simply because it was the first to come out as too heavy-handed to me. You see, a lot in fiction boils down to promises and payoffs. The ending of episode six and the entirety of episode seven gave me the impression that the series was going into another direction, having the newly discovered plot about castaways that have been adrift for longer wanting to punish Nagara for ruining their lives take a more prominent place in the story. Don’t take me wrong, I’d much rather this current story that the anime has, but it did gave me the feeling that that was the promise being made for the long run, that this was the direction it was taking and by the ending of episode seven I was expecting it to turn into something similar to “us against the government”, so finding out that was not the case was both a relief and a confusing moment. Even after watching the episode again to try and judge it in a different light already knowing how the story ends, my view on this hasn’t changed.

This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate anything that episode seven does, of course. Sonny Boy frequently calls attention to Nagara’s personality and the need to speak up for himself, but it is never offensive about it. Koumaru reaches the conclusion that Nagara can’t be blamed for drifting them and Yamabiko notes that God gave him that power with the intention of it being used for the drifting, which also means he can’t be blamed for being who he is since that power is so rooted in his personality. He can get more out of life by forming connections with people, but we don’t need to scorn him for that until he learns his lesson.

The world turned upside down is still a neat idea even if I don’t think it is used to as satisfying a conclusion as most of the other episodes do. It explores the idea of a stagnant society that makes its workers believe that they are changing it, no matter whether they believe it or even know what exactly they are supposedly doing, giving them a blind hope to help cope with their trapped situation. Since Sonny Boy constantly pulls threads from previous episodes it is pretty easy to relate this to Nozomi’s phrase of not wanting to walk down the safe path in life.

All it takes for Nagara to flip the world upside down is to take a step away from the safe spot. I get the message, but I feel like it is slightly too simplistic. Sometimes this anime does not deliver in the themes department as well as I would have liked, but thankfully the strength of the main characters is enough for me to see that as just a minor nuisance.

Episode eight, on the other hand, is among the amazing ones and it does a lot more for the characters and tone than any episode honestly even needs to in order to be satisfying. We jump from present to past as Yamabiko tells his sad story. In the present they are traveling along with Nagara, Mizuho and her cats, but the framing always keeps us close to the characters instead of zooming out to show the scenery, which is great to shorten the distance between audience and characters, hyperfocusing this episode in the people we are seeing and leaving the exploration of the world to the side for at least one episode. The muddier color design and music also helps a lot in keeping this episode tone-perfect all the way through.

The reason why I find this episode to be genius is because of how Yamabiko’s story recontextualizes the characters of Nagara and Mizuho. Yamabiko was a shut-in who simply crawled his way through life just like Nagara, but to a much more intense degree that leads him to completely isolate himself, instead of trying but not managing to speak up like how we see Nagara often doing, leading to a point where Yamabiko reacts violently to try and scare people away. He also brings attention to Mizuho’s emotional dependency by increasing that to the point where he turns into a dog to follow the lead of someone he trusts more than even himself, and it is these two things combined that eventually leads to the ruin of the people around him and himself.

Episode eight is primarily about ignoring your problems until it is too late. Yamabiko’s power gives him the ability of manifesting his mental state, this being the reason why he turned into a dog, but also being the reason why the epidemy hits Kodama and her friends. I don’t think it would be right to call these kids the new family Yamabiko has found, because his interactions happen almost exclusively with Kodama, being the pure guiding light — probably even motherly figure, since her power is called “M”, I know that might mean "Manipulate" or something, but we also know that Nagara has an issue with his mother who is herself a shut-in that doesn’t leave the house — so that he needs to go through life without thinking, leaving all his worries and objectives for someone else to decide. Thus, he is walking the “safe path” mentioned before.

The anime is clearly self-conscious about all of this, since not only do the personalities of these three characters relate in such a direct way, but also because we see Nagara saying he relates to it, while Mizuho starts the episode more playful and smuggy like we know her to be, but then gets quieter with every interlude to Yamabiko’s story. I have praised the anime for respecting its characters until now, but it is an even greater thing that it is willing to bring attention to how dangerous their paths can be. I agree with the message of following your own path and being yourself, but I am also not naive enough to pretend that all is well when it isn’t and, even taking in the fact that we all want to live our successful lives doing what we love, the world is not fair or simple enough to simply allow that to happen without any sort of friction. There are aspects of us that have to be fought against just like there are aspects of the world around us that we should fight against.

Since I mentioned music and tone, I want to take a short while to talk about the production of Sonny Boy. The reason why this anime feels like so much of a breath of fresh air is because it is almost 100% pure 2D animation, with as little post-processing and CGI as is possible. I’m not saying there isn’t great animation out there, but it honestly boggles my mind when I see so many people sharing sakuga moments from anime like Fate or Demon Slayer where half the screen is drowning beneath post-processing, artificial light from above to make every frame feel epic and world-defining and tons of CGI even if it is great CGI. I don’t want to sound like an elitist, I can enjoy those things for what they are, I’m not saying that CGI and post-processing have no place in the industry nor am I saying that the shows mentioned here are poorly produced, but every now and then I want to watch something different instead of having the feeling that every anime that ever comes out is trying to do the same thing to various different levels of success. I am eternally grateful to the team behind Sonny Boy for deciding to go with this style of production because it fits the tone of the series so much better then if it was trying to be flashy in its presentation.

Something else that I really like about the production is how the music is kept quiet. There are exceptions — especially in the last few episodes — for example in the more montage-like scenes, but generally the tracks are kept distant, while the character’s voices are kept closer, rarely having distractful lyrics, leaving the presentation and dialogue to pull most of the weight. What this also does is it keeps it from ever getting repetitive. Sometimes anime — especially more action-centered anime — will play the same tracks over and over again to the point where they run the risk of not being iconic and memorable, but also redundant and annoying. I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert in the matter, but Shouji Hata, the sound director for Sonny Boy, worked on a ton of really popular stuff, some that I even distinctly remember liking the soundtrack — such as Vinland Saga and Log Horizon —, so, if I can interpret the production this way, I also believe that a professional who has probably been working in the industry for longer than I have lived can do all of this intentionally.

Now proceeding to episode nine, this is one I’m not so hot on either. The highlights are everything related to the cats, of course. I did not expect them to start turning into actual characters — even if very simple ones — and it adds an extra layer of charm and comedy to their interactions.

I definitely enjoyed it more the second time through, knowing where the series ends and paying more attention to Asakaze’s and Nozomi’s interactions, but the overall plot and complexity of the themes just doesn’t hold up in my mind.

Aki-not-sensei wants the power of the twins, but only one of them. Since they are both the same person, this means that she only needs a part of the person being manipulated, everything else can just be thrown away and does not add up to your value — this is interesting to think about if you remember that Aki keeps pretending like she is saving the world and reducing the values of individuals she doesn’t need and overestimating others to do her deeds.

The twins are fighting over the fact that one of them has a single strand of hair more than the other. Clearly the point of this is that people overestimate the worth of some things only to pretend like they are better than others — and if these are the same people, then it can be seen as him not being able to deal with the fact he is not perfect by externalizing it into an enemy. Their power to reverse everything makes them forget the whole fight and they end up fighting eternally because you can’t simply go back, your experiences change you and nothing is accomplished by trying to go back to square one as if nothing had happened, he has to accept his own flaws and not try to reset everything to zero, but do things differently with the knowledge and experiences he gained on the way. Aki of course gets to him before he can realize any of this and the result is that by killing a part of himself, he kills the whole.

Maybe I would enjoy this episode more if it had been done with a character we already knew. Sonny Boy focuses its characterization in the four main faces of the show while leaving other characters very superficial and using them almost exclusively to explore themes. While I don’t think you can criticize the fact that the secondary characters aren’t that fleshed out since this anime is trying to do twenty times more things than most anime are, I still felt like bringing a wholly new character for this episode ultimately hurt the effectiveness of the message more than it did any other episode.

There are two characters in this show who try to mimic God: Asakaze and Hoshi. In episode 10, we see Asakaze being tricked yet again by Aki, who takes him to see the principal — God — who asks him to kill War, the character we met in Yamabiko’s flashback. Kossetsu — who we find out has the ability to read other people’s thoughts — convinces Nozomi to come along. Kossetsu loves Asakaze, but he loves Nozomi, so she wants Nozomi to help change him to a state where he might end up at her feet. Obviously, only tragedy could come from this.

Asakaze was so obsessed with the concept of a great mission reserved to him that he allowed himself to be manipulated by Aki and ended up losing sight of everything that doesn’t relate to pursuing Nozomi. He confessed to her, but got rejected because she couldn’t respect him. Asakaze then says that he was probably obsessed over her because he felt like he could never be as strong as her. At this point he realizes he should let her go, and, after conquering the world “War”, he actually manages to create death when Nozomi falls off the cliff and into the nothingness at the bottom of war, not managing to save her because as it turns out, his power is spontaneously activated. He did not want Nozomi anymore, therefore he couldn't use his powers on her. Asakaze’s power was born out of his need to keep everything and everyone at his reach. God definitely knew this and tricked him along with Aki.

The War we saw in Yamabiko’s past was still walking around, but the one we meet here is completely empty, falling to the bottom of a deep gorge yet never actually reaching it even though there is one; stagnant. Only Asakaze can bring him to the ground and his reward for that is a weapon.

War is a manifestation, a world himself, and conquering him grants you with the power to kill. There is a chance he was even tricked by God as well, since he was killing people before Asakaze, but God of course never bothered with telling him that death is a phenomenon that can happen there under specific circumstances. Since we find out that the drift was caused by the combination of Nagara, the cats and Mizuho all using their power unwillingly; Nagara creating worlds, the cats copying the kids and Mizuho putting them all in stasis because she doesn’t want to see anyone die, then conquering the world “War” gave them a power that could go against Mizuho’s power.

I like the way the world “War” is presented, as a hard to climb mountainous area that is then abruptly interrupted at the top by “a gorge that goes down forever, but the bottom is crimson.” The fall is the only thing you can expect after warring and whatever lies at the bottom of it is not going to be good. It stretches forever and is a wound delivered in the world itself. It might take time, but it will take its toll.

There might be more to be said about the imagery of War in this episode, but honestly this is all I’ve got.

Episodes eleven and twelve are a two parter to end this amazing ride. As you can expect to happen after Nozomi’s tragic end, the next episode is dedicated to mourning her loss and dealing with themes of grief and death. It is both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I had a slightly hard time breathing through the entire montage opening of Mizuho and Nagara honoring their friend and seeing how far their friendship has come. It hurt seeing both of them cry, it hurt seeing two people seeing their friends crying at their side at different moments of the episode without knowing what to do about it. And, above all, it hurt seeing Mizuho say goodbye to her cats.

Years of trauma and emotional suppression rendered me completely incapable of crying out of emotion, so every story that gets me even close to it surprises me. Last time I “cried” was recently and there was but a single tear, I can’t even remember how many years it was since the last time that I actually cried my heart out, with sobbing and sniffing and stuff. Fiction is what helps me deal with this, and I’m goddamn grateful to Sonny Boy for being on the list of stories that got me close to crying.

As my favorite author — Steven Erikson — once said, “Grief is not something you overcome, but something you get used to carrying the weight of.” I might be paraphrasing that, but you get the idea. We might not see Mizuho and Nagara for long enough after Nozomi’s death to see the full repercussions of this, but we know they are going to carry the weight of everything they lived in these two years adrift for the rest of their lives.

After ten episodes commenting about how things are hard to change, we finally begin seeing some clearer changes in these last few episodes. It began with Nozomi’s death, but we also see how Yamabiko has now completely turned into a dog and doesn’t speak anymore. We see how Rajdhani’s gaze has changed and he reflects on the fact he is growing more apathetic with time. He tells us the story of a man who could not accept reality and would create images of his home and his girlfriend that were not accurate at all, trapping himself in the made-up ideal world of his mind, which relates to the relationship between Asakaze and Nozomi.

Rajdhani also tells us the story of a student obsessed with the idea of creating “death”. Perhaps this can also be interpreted as a character trying to mimic God, since he is trying to create something that was previously impossible . First time through I was sure this was Hoshi, but it is very clearly War, my bad on that. We get the information that he conducted experiments in death and suicide and can assume that he got his badges from that. He created death by rendering his identity completely void, having no desires, no reactions, no emotions and no opinions. He created death by going against everything that defines a person, becoming a mere shape.

As Rajdhani puts it, “Life is an endless exercise in vain effort. But it’s precisely because it’s meaningless that I think the brilliance of this moment in life is so precious. Because that one moment belongs to that person alone.” Ultimately, the message of Sonny Boy is wholly positive. It is realistic enough to recognize the worst parts of life and it does not pretend everything will go right simply because we want it to, but it also finds it important to remind us that, once again, everything we have lived up until that moment is what has shaped us and thus has value. We don’t have to change the world, we just have to find a place to belong in it. Nozomi’s will still lives on, her compass still points to the light, unwavering in its determination, and her mark in the world and in her friends will long outlive herself.

And in episode twelve, we get the confirmation that Nozomi had always been right. The light had been there all along, she was the only one who could see it because she was the only one who's outlook on life matched what the story is trying to convey. It takes an astronomical effort to even get there because that is how much time they lost and enduring how much the world is going to strike you down is no easy thing. They only manage to do so with the combined efforts of Nagara, Mizuho, her cats, Rajdhani and Asakaze — handing them another compass, presumably the original one. But, even after getting to the light, there is this one beautiful scene where they are only able to capture the light by the efforts of Mizuho’s and Nagara’s hands. I always found it interesting that “light” was used for the analogy of the path in life. I mean, try to grasp a light like how Nozomi was doing. She could only reach it, but could never quite hold it, at least not alone. It is light, after all, and it will slip right between your fingers.

The last episode gave me a twist in the stomach when it felt like Nagara and Mizuho weren’t going to talk, but thankfully it was just them having a hard time talking about it. We get to see glimpses of what their life is going to be from now on: Nagara getting a shitty job — yo that’s relatable, kind of —, Mizuho’s grandmother having passed away, Nozomi and Asakaze ending up in a relationship in a world in which they can respect each other. Well, now that I think about it, I don’t think anything that they do in this last episode proves that they are dating, but they are clearly in better terms than their copies that went adrift. If the copies are still adrift and those are the parts of them as people that conflicted with each other, then this original version is the one where things went better for them.

In the past, Nagara ignored the dying bird. Now he cares about the birds that have lost their mother — you could say they are stranded just like the kids were —, but Nozomi had already thought about that and took the only surviving one with her, deciding to taking care of it until it is able to fly by itself, instead of trapping the bird and not allowing it go where it needs to go in life. This interaction shows us that Nozomi is still one step ahead, still striding forward in life and doing what she believes is right. She might not be exactly the same Nozomi we know, but her essence is still the same. Yet again, I wish I could be a little bit more like her.

I am also pleased to see Nagara and Mizuho not turning into a couple. This would have come off as weird and even thematically inconsistent I would say. Since Nagara and Nozomi never ended as a couple, then him ending up with Mizuho would send the message that she was the second option, or maybe that he was looking for the wrong person in Nozomi. The point is, either of these options would have diminished the characters. If they ended up as a couple, then a short arc where they learn to respect each other and brings attention to the morality of Nagara being suddenly romantically attracted to her after finding out Nozomi is with Asakaze would have been completely necessary not to break their dynamic. Either way, I’m much more satisfied with their current friendship than I would have been if any of these characters ended up feeling like a trophy.

I don’t think there’s much more to be said, at least not now. Sonny Boy is about and trying to say a lot of stuff, much more than most anime I watch are, and it accomplishes that in a shorter runtime than most do as well. I barely mind the fact that secondary characters are abandoned or that not every episode is tone-perfect. I didn’t expect it to be and neither does it have to. While I can obviously appreciate several different kinds of stories, my tastes are always changing and I am slowly becoming aware of some elements shared between most if not all of the stories that are connecting with me on a personal level in the past few years. While I would not dare to reduce this anime to a single theme after having said all of this, I just wanted to share one more idea: this story is about the loss of innocence, but it does not end there with a negative outlook on life, it takes the extra step of being about hope for the future and acceptance of our past; acceptance, not surrender.

I’m pretty sure I have told someone that I wish I had watched this anime when I was eighteen or something, thinking that it would have been fundamental in forming my outlook on life — pretty sure it would have lead me to take on the nickname of Sonny Girl as well once I accepted my dysphoria, wait… I actually like how that sounds… — but I take that back. Stupid-ass eighteen years-old me would not have been able to appreciate it the way my current jaded one can. And that is fine, at least that is what Nozomi would try to teach me.

I ended up having a lot more to say than expected while also feeling like there was a lot more to be explored.

Of course, I can't score this anything else besides a 10/10.

Oh, and sorry for the heavy usage of em-dashes — I love these things.

[pink-academiaa]

reintroducing myself!! ★彡

with a new year comes new goals and i am also no longer in high school so my old introduction requires an update 🫡 but hello hello

i'm ally, i love pink and i think looking at my studies in pink as well as sharing my notes online fill me with a lot of joy and thus the pink academia studyblr account was born

my goal is simply to get a grade average of 90+ for this year! and to also meet lots of very clever people and to engage with my community both online and irl

i recently made the realisation i was more extroverted than introverted, i just had a lot of social anxiety lol

i'm also currently studying a media/arts double degree and in my first year if thats any relevancy

yayy thats all have a cookie for making it this far 🍪 i look forward to reconnecting with others and seeing everyone else's posts once more

[lifmera]

Hey! I stumbled across this blog and found your content interesting. I was hoping I could get a Hazbin Hotel match-up?

gender and pronouns: genderqueer; xe/xem

orientation: pan electio aroace (simply meaning i experience no forms of attraction yet still desire a relationship of some sort with no preference for gender). also hypersexual despite being asexual.

about me

• im introverted to a fault. i don’t much like being touched, but will be more comfortable with it if it’s by someone i trust.

• autistic + adhd + social anxiety

• i always try to act confident, especially so when im not.

• i try to be a good listener but sometimes i dominate the conversation, especially if it’s a topic i particularly enjoy. i can talk endlessly about my hyperfixations.

• i procrastinate heavily and tend to overthink things.

• my friends all agree that im generally open and honest. i gravitate towards realism.

• my biggest flaw is that i avoid my problems. im reluctant to open up to others, preferring to bottle up my emotions.

likes

• various arts and crafts such as painting, drawing, and knitting

• listening to music; mostly metal and rock but i can appreciate other genres too

• i have so, so many plants, all of whom i treasure dearly

• i live to eat; very food motivated

• crude/sexual humor

dislikes: crowds, being told what to do, shoesc clutter

appearance

• ginger hair, long and choppy with fringe bangs (i like to cut my own hair)

• so, so many freckles during warmer seasons

• my wardrobe mostly consists of casual to dark grunge and kidcore

• several piercings + stretched lobes + tattoos

preferences

• someone significantly taller than myself (5’6)

• funny and would enjoy playful ribbing at each other

I hope all is well! :)

Hi!!! OFC!!

I’ve paired you with… ALASTOR.

I also don’t think Alastor would be romantically interested in anyone either. I think he’d do it for an advantage for himself.

He also dislikes physical touch unless he initiates it.

I think he’d help you act more confident, and remind you that “you are not fully dressed without a smile!”

He probably would stay quiet most of time, unless he needs to tell you something important. He’s listen to you talk.

He loves that you can be more open with him, and honest. He doesn’t like liars.

He’d hang up your painting, drawings or photography on his walls in the radio tower. He would love to hear you paint in the back of his radio.

He doesn’t mind what you listen to- but i think he’d be very into the blues and jazz.

I think he’d think plants are too much to take care of only because he’d forget about them. He’d appreciate if you took care pf them making his tower look less- bland (?)

Definitely would enjoy playful back and forth. He’d find it amusing.

Ill be honest. He will definitely judge your looks at first, but i think he’ll grow to like it. Would definitely ask you to fix your bangs 😭.

(Also me because im a cosmetologist. It hurts to see 😭😭😭😭)

~~~

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!

[zaevauhm]

Barcelona 4/4

word count 8.5k

this is the last chapter, mentions of anxiety + depression + sex + probably some other stuff

Tears started to roll down your cheeks, as Lewis crossed the finish line and the fireworks started, bringing home his 8th World Championship. The overwhelming emotions you were feeling had literally brought you to kneel down, covering your face in your hands, as your best friend kneeled next to you, keeping an arm around you and lightly stroking your lower back. You were overcome with pure happiness, the joy that you were sharing in Lewis’ victory was something that would be impossible to ever forget. It was so surreal, the way in which this unforgettable season had finally come to an end.

It was the toughest year you had known, and it had absolutely drained you of all of your energy. The number of flights, sleepless nights, tiring days, most of which you had spent by your boyfriends’ side. People had seen you before, waiting for him mainly by yourself, or with the few Mercedes engineers you had developed quite the friendship with. Something that shocked you, being the introvert that you were and all. The only negative was that people probably assumed that your relationship was simply one of his many short-lasting flings.

This night had made it all worth it. Lewis was your champion. He truly was the greatest that the sport had ever witnessed, he was yours, and now everyone would know it.

You felt Layla moving away from you, giving you some space, and you immediately knew what was going to happen next. Two big, strong arms lifting you up from the ground, until you found your face deeply buried in your boyfriends’ shoulder, as his arms quickly wrapped around you, making you feel warm inside. You couldn’t see his face, as he was still in his helmet and racing suit. You didn’t have to. The two of you had grown so in-tune with each other’s emotions, that even conversation wasn’t necessary at times. You felt him thanking you a million times as he held you closer to him than ever. You would never be able to explain to anybody what it felt like. No matter what was happening around you, no matter what kind of craziness would be going on, as long as Lewis was near you, you were safe and sound. You were shielded, guarded, protected from everything. ‘’It’s all for you, my love’’ he whispered, barely hearable, but you noticed.

‘’I love you so much, baby.’’ He spoke in between kisses, as the two of you messily tried to enter your hotel room in Abu Dhabi.

‘’Let me at least open the door, silly.’’ You laughed, trying to push Lewis off of you, as he settled behind you, keeping his arms around your waist and placing gentle kisses on your neck. You knew better, it would always be a futile attempt. He never was good at waiting, especially not for you. Once you managed to get the door open, he grabbed you, holding you in his arms as he muffed your giggles by pressing a soft kiss on your lips, meanwhile shutting the door behind him. He had just put you to bed, placing soft, loving kisses all over your body, when you noticed his phone wouldn’t stop ringing. ‘’Go answer it, baby. It’s probably your parents.’’ You spoke.

‘’They can wait.’’ He said, as his phone immediately rang again, making him let out a little sigh. You smiled at him, knowing he really doesn’t want to go and answer it. ‘’Don’t think I’m done with you.’’ He teases as he grabs your face with both his hands, leaving a quick kiss on your lips.

You smiled at Lewis’ back as he walked over to his phone, before uou made your way to the balcony, as you heard the sound of your boyfriend talking to his family fading in the background. All of a sudden, you noticed you were in desperate need for fresh air. Oh no…Here we go again. The anxiety had started to kick in, you had noticed as your muscles were slowly starting to tense up and your breathing had started to feel painfully sharp. Not now… please, was all that was repeating in your head. The same, never fully disappearing lump in your throat had made its’ appearance again.

Letting yourself sink in the comfortable chair under the humid UAE air, as you started to recollect on the last year, trying to steer your thoughts elsewhere. Ever since Barcelona, your life had changed completely. You tried to keep living your life as you knew it as much as possible, but it was pointless. Lewis basically kidnapped you all the time, making him join his races, his events, his duties. Wherever he had to be, he wanted you there by his side. Luckily for you, he never left your side. Never left you by yourself, always being the one to speak for you, always removing any pressure or nervousness from you.

Still, it was only when the calendar hit Interlagos, and your boyfriend took you with him to Brazil, that he couldn’t bear being without you at all anymore. Not even for a couple of weeks. You remember the memory of that weekend as clear as anything. The way you celebrated another one of his insane wins, the way you, for the first time had believed that he had truly fallen for you. It was the first time Lewis had told you he loved you, the first time the two of you had actually made love instead of fucking. You smile softly at the memory, no matter how many times you would re-visit it, it still warmed your heart the same. Brazil would always hold a special place in your heart. It’s where your love really evolved to something else, something that you shared privately between the two of you. You felt the lump in your throat sting even harder. Despite everything, your disease was an ever-lasting nightmare, that Lewis was fully aware of at this point. It had nothing to do with him, and everything with the broken life you had led before meeting him, that somehow never wanted to fully heal.  

‘’Baby?’’ He almost whispered, not wanting to startle you. He stood behind you, placing his phone on the little side table, before making his way to you. Slowly he wrapped his arms around you, placing a soft kiss on the back of your head. You smiled, leaning against his arm, as a sign of gratitude. He knew you so well by now, always putting his own desires to the side, giving you exactly what you would need.

‘’I love you.’’ You whispered into the air in front of you, as you felt the anxiety stinging in your face, and the tears that were starting to form in your eyes.

‘’I know, baby. I know you love me.’’ Lewis sighed into the night sky. ‘’I love you more.’’

‘’Will you tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind?’’ he continued, making you smile a little through your tears.

‘’I think I know why I’m feeling anxious tonight.’’

‘’Tell me.’’ Lewis spoke, with a slightly worried tone in his voice. Lewis moved to kneel in front of you and was now wiping one of your tears away with his thumb.

‘’I’m scared.’’ You started. ‘’I don’t know what I did to deserve you… And I’m afraid of the consequences…’’ ‘’Which consequences?’’ Lewis interrupted you. There you felt it again, the thought of leaving Lewis’ side. That awful, piercing pain as if someone had stabbed you into the core of your heart, slowly turning the knife, making you lightly nauseous at the spot.

‘’Look at us... You’re an 8th time world champion today, and you’ve got a girlfriend that’s crying over some stupid shit that’s not even relevant. You deserve someo…’’ ‘’Stop, please.’’ He interrupted you again.

‘’I’m just scared I won’t be able to deal with the pain of parting from you.’’ It was out before you knew it. It just spilled. He looked up at you with slightly furrowed brows, you noticed how he was trying to hide his slowly building up anger. ‘’Are you leaving me?’’ he asked. You could hear his voice cracking. He was usually good at hiding it, but not tonight. It made you feel even worse. ‘’Never.’’ You looked at him, tears rolling down your cheeks, exposing your tired face to him. ‘’I wouldn’t dream of leaving you, Lewis.’’

‘’You’re still unsure about my feelings for you?’’ he asked. You noticed your words were upsetting him. He had just exposed you, even after winning a race like this, you were the first person to get his attention, in front of the whole world to see. Where was he getting the patience from to deal with you and your crumbling mental health?

‘’No, it’s just… it’s this fucking anxiety, it ruins everything. Every beautiful thing and…’’ you cried, trying not to look into the worried eyes of your love.

‘’I won’t let it.’’ He said firmly. ‘’Do you hear me, Y/N?’’ You sighed through your tears, furrowing your brows, still not making eye contact with Lewis, as you let out a sad whimper. He took your hands in his, and moved closer to you, leaving you to lean closer into him, until your foreheads touch. ‘’It’s not going to, even if it feels like it is. As long as you’re here, I’m never leaving you.’’ He spoke, reassuring you. He didn’t know how to give up on you, this world champion of yours. ‘’If you can’t find the strength in yourself, you’ll find it in me.’’ You couldn’t do anything but stare at him, practically going numb before his eyes.

‘’You’re not alone anymore, you have to start to let me in, slowly.’’ He continued. ‘’Anything that you need, find it in me. I’ll fight for you, speak for you, you know I’d go to the ends of the earth for you.’’

‘’Most of all, Y/N…’’ he continues, sighing. ‘’I’m never going to let anything bad happen to you. You’re with me now, where you belong, no matter what your anxiety tells you.’’

‘’I know, my love.’’ You said, putting your trust in every word your boyfriend was telling you. Slowly coming to terms with the fact that he might just be right, you really didn’t have to fight all of your battles by yourself.

‘’Let me take you out of here, for a while. It will do you good.’’ Lewis said. You agreed, getting up and walking over to the bathroom, where you started to fix your appearance. You changed into a black oversized blouse dress, and let your hair fall down loosely, in its’ natural waves. Quickly you fixed your concealer and removing the smeared mascara that was covering your cheeks. Coming out of the bathroom to grab your small black purse, you noticed Lewis’ focus was nowhere near you, but on his phone. Typing quickly, furrowed brows. ‘’I’m ready.’’ You said, making him look up at you immediately. ‘’I’m so lucky, my god.’’ He spoke. ‘’Look at you.’’

His praise made you chuckle softly, as you made your way towards him, to give him a small kiss on his cheek. ‘’Thank you, my love. Shall we go?’’ you asked, as Lewis grabbed his car keys and opened the hotel rooms’ door for you.

You walked beside him, hand locked in his, as he guided you, down into the hotels’ parking garage. When he didn’t immediately open the passenger seats’ door for you, like he would always do, you couldn’t help but look over at him. He was standing at the drivers’ side of his car, holding the door open for you, and you couldn’t help but laugh at him a little. ‘’I want to see you drive.’’ He said, gesturing for you to get behind the wheel.

‘’Are you sure?’’ you asked, not moving from where you stood. Knowing you’re a perfect driver, with absolutely nothing to worry about, you still got a little nervous to drive for him. He was a man who you knew did not enjoy sitting in the passenger seat, at all.

‘’Yes, come here baby.’’

You got in, quickly fixed the rear mirror and put your seatbelt on, as Lewis lowered himself in the passenger seat. He was surprised at how fast you made yourself feel at home in a car you couldn’t have ever dreamt of driving before. It made his heart jump a little, seeing you so comfortably sharing in his pleasures. He got used to seeing you in his clothes, in his jackets, but driving him around was something different. You got out of the hotels parking, into the wide, open streets of Abu Dhabi. The car truly felt like water, the way it comfortably took you from one traffic light to the other, leaving Lewis completely mesmerized by the sight of seeing you drive for him for the first time.

Without really noticing it, your anxious feelings were slowly fading, as you focused on the song Lewis had played for you.

This terrible predicament you got me in Spelling your name in my mind Adding your last to mine Feels like we're stuck in time

You looked to your side, meeting the eyes of your boyfriend, who was looking at you as if you were the most captivating thing in his world. ‘’You’re so sexy like this.’’ He taught out loud. You smiled back at him, softly leaning your head back against his car seat.

Waking up to you Is all I want to do Every moment spent Play it all over again, mhmm

‘’It suits you.’’ He smiled. ‘’What does?’’ you asked, focusing on the road again, as the traffic light jumped to green.

‘’Driving a Mercedes.’’

You couldn’t help but smile. ‘’I am already driving one, remember?’’

‘’I know, I’m talking about this particular one.’’

‘’Yeah, I might steal her from you, don’t worry about it.’’ You joked.

City lights and beautiful sights were passing by you quickly, as you were speeding a little, Lewis keeping your right hand into his, gently squeezing it. After a while, Lewis noticed you were loosened up, and that your mind was no longer occupied by the same thoughts as an hour ago. You parked back at the same spot, turning the engine of the car off and handing Lewis his keys. ‘’Thank you for this.’’ You whispered into his mouth, before gently placing a kiss on his lips.

Lewis was right. The drive had done you more good than bad, and above all, you had actually gotten sleepy by now. Back in your hotel room, you made your way into the bathroom, quickly finishing your nightly routine, before grabbing one of Lewis’ shirts to sleep in. It was his favorite thing, having you steal his clothing pieces and leaving your scent in them. You heard him talking on the phone again, wondering who got his attention now, as it was close to 1 AM. You didn’t ask though; you were too tired to be bothered at this point. You slowly laid down in the bed, leaving Lewis talking to someone hastily. He came over to you, placed a kiss on your cheek as he wished you a good night, covering the speaker of his phone with his hand. ‘’Are you going out?’’ you mumbled, already halfway into your dreamworld. ‘’No, silly. I just have to finish some things, then I’ll join you.’’ He told you, while sitting next to you on the bed. ‘’I’m not going anywhere.’’ Was the last thing you heard before drifting into sleep completely. If only you knew what Lewis really meant.

You woke up by yourself in the big bed, to the sound of suitcases zipping up and footsteps softly moving in and out of the bathroom. ‘’What’s going on?’’ you mumbled into your pillow, arms slowly stretching from under the blanket that was barely covering you. ‘’Good morning to you too’’ Lewis chuckled.

You still weren’t used to the fact that your boyfriends’ days started around 6 AM, while you easily slept for 3-4 hours more. He never tried to change your morning routines, always leaving you to get fully rested, to take in all of the sleep you basically could.

‘’I’ve packed for you; we have to leave soon.’’ He spoke as he came sitting down at your bed side, admiring your bed hair and make-up less face.

You were suddenly aware of the fact that another racing season had ended, and that you haven’t spoken at all about your plans during the break. ‘’Are you sending me home?’’ You mumbled, unable to hide the sad tone in your voice. Home is with me now; Lewis almost spoke out loud. But he managed to keep his thoughts to himself. ‘’No, my love.’’

‘’I am taking you back to Brazil.’’ He smiled at your sleepy face. You smiled in your still very sleepy state, and slowly started to sit up straight, to take a sip of the water that was placed on your nightstand. This was going to be fun.

An hour later, you were sat in a private plane, across from Layla who had apparently grown more and more fond of her RedBull boyfriend, Daniel, who had joined the three of you. You hadn’t expected it, she usually doesn’t linger around the same person for too long, so she must have really liked him. ‘’I can’t believe we’re going back to Brazil.’’ She spoke happily, while you were distracted, checking your socials. So many photos of the two of you were spreading since last night, it was impossible to miss. You couldn’t help but read some of the comments but were satisfied to see that there was barely anything negative about you to read. People just knew nothing about you, as there was barely any information out about you. You and Layla both had closed Instagram accounts, which had made it even more difficult to make up assumptions. Still, there was a lot of speculation about who was the girl that had finally changed the relationship status of Hamilton. Up until you came around, he was the only single driver left on the grid, after all.

You looked back, to see Lewis and Daniel chatting, having some drinks together and laughing, all of a sudden even toasting loudly something you couldn’t quite hear, Lewis receiving pats on the shoulder from Daniel. You noticed Layla winking at Daniel, as well as sending him a smirky smile. Why did it feel like you were left out all of a sudden? You couldn’t help but wonder but didn’t want to show it at all. You just took your earphones out of your purse, as you scrolled through your Spotify library, looking for a song that would meet your mood. The whole flight, Lewis barely paid attention to you. Not that you really mind, you did love your private time and to be left with your thoughts for a while, still not completely sure what was happening, or what was going on in his mind, though. You leaned back onto the soft chair and covered yourself with a blanket and felt yourself drifting into sleep not long after. Only waking up a few hours later, as you almost arrived. Your focus drifted elsewhere, listening to the song that was playing in your ears.

Girl, I want you like you want me too I feel that energy (ooh, yeah) When you're on top of me (oh, yeah) I know your man, he ain't controllin' you But you still hesitate (ooh, no) 'Cause you chose loyalty (oh, yeah) And I know your history, met him before your peak (hey, hey) He's so connected to that woman that you used to be But-but-but this sex will cloud your memory A couple strokes to put it in, then you'll belong to me

Before long, you arrived at the gorgeous apartment that the four of you would share, overlooking what had soon became your favorite beach in the world. The heat and the sunny air of Ipanema filled your body with goosebumps, as you leaned over the balcony, soaking in the sunlight. Brazil was absolutely your favorite place to escape to. The vibe over there was insane, and the people even more so. Here you felt like you could be yourself, nobody cared about who you were or who your boyfriend was. It was the perfect getaway after spending so much time avoiding the media who were constantly trying their absolute best to discover just about anything about you.

Lewis and Daniel had left the two of you to unpack, unwind and spend some girl time together. You needed it, you would have probably asked for it, but somehow the fact that Lewis was the one who proposed it, had left you with a little bit of resentment towards him. Wasn’t it his idea to take you here? Wasn’t he supposed to make more effort to spend more time with you? Where did he disappear to, even? And why is Layla not caring about where Daniel hangs out at all?

‘’What’s wrong?’’ your best friend asked, sitting on the bed, unpacking some makeup bags. ‘’Nothing, why do you ask?’’

‘’You seem a little more quiet than usual.’’

‘’I’m not, at least I don’t want to be.’’ You began, walking towards her, leaning against the wall across from the bed. Layla knew you too well, you couldn’t hide your feelings from her at all. ‘’I’m still worried that Lewis isn’t really in love with me. It’s not that I don’t believe him, I just can’t seem to shake my thoughts. That he might just be staying with me out of pity.’’ You said, already expecting a bomb to drop on your head, curtesy of Layla. Much to your surprise, that didn’t happen. Layla had stayed calm, even looked away from you for a couple of seconds.

‘’You agree.’’ You said with a low, numb voice.

‘’I really don’t, babe. Lewis loves you, please don’t doubt that.’’

You had decided to spend the rest of the day without letting any negative thoughts interrupt you. The race season had ended, your boyfriend had won, you were in Rio de Janeiro with 3 people you adored. What more could you possibly want? It was probably just your anxiety making you seeing things that weren’t there, anyways.

Layla and yourself had gone out to get some groceries from the local market, planning to cook for yourselves and your boyfriends. Even if dating Lewis meant you basically never had to do anything yourself anymore, taking care of your loved ones was something you had learned during your relationship, and you didn’t want to give it up. Not completely, at least.

Two hours later, as the sun started to set in Rio, you found yourself in the kitchen, washing the dishes that you had used while preparing food. Layla was preparing the table, as music was playing from the living area. The big sliding door to the outside patio was wide open, a soft summer breeze flowing through the apartment. ‘’Hi ladies’’ you heard Lewis’ voice fill up the kitchen, a few seconds before his big hands were placed on your sides, making you giggle as your boyfriend kissed your cheek. ‘’There’s my girl’’ He whispered, before softly licking the skin beneath your ear, as he squeezed both your sides, now pressing himself against you from behind. ‘’Have you missed me?’’ He groans as he tightens his grip, making you feel nothing but his hands. ‘’Yes baby…’’ you whispered, as you slightly turned your head towards him, making you lean on his chest and looking up to him through your long lashes. Lewis moved to the side, making sure no one could see what he was doing. He had placed his hand on your inner thigh, on top of the flared, tight pants you were wearing. Slowly he moved up, the side of his hand stroking you between your legs, already making them feel weak. ‘’I can’t wait to be inside of you tonight, baby’’ He breathed into your ear, as his hand had now expertly grabbed a big chunk of your hair, pulling it even closer onto his chest. You let out a small whimper, as you hopelessly tried to stop your eyes from rolling to the back of your head. He loved it when you didn’t care about your surroundings, completely giving in to him, as he quickly looked up to see a still empty kitchen. His words and strokes on your body made you drop the plate you were squeezing, splashes of water ending up on your exposed front, releasing you from Lewis’ grip.

‘’Sit down baby, dinner’s ready.’’ You giggled.

What you thought was going to be a dinner for four, had soon ended up being a dinner for ten. Apparently, some of Lewis’ friends were spending the first few days of the break in Brazil as well, joining you last minute at the apartment. You greeted them politely, unsure of what type of ‘’friends’’ these were. You figured it was better to play it safe. Everyone that came through the door had brought some sort of food or drinks, and before you knew it, you were sitting next to your boyfriend, truly enjoying the company. Cold beers, good music, and the company, well, let’s say, were all easy on the eyes. The same people that you had played it safe with, were now making both you and Layla basically tear up with their jokes. You got up at a certain point to grab you and Daniel new drinks, as you noticed a girl entering the apartment, Lewis’ offering her your chair, to take it to sit next to her boyfriend, Nicolas. You chuckled in yourself, knowing damn well what his intentions were. You walked back to the table, and were stopped by her getting up, making her way to you. You could tell she was nervous to speak to you.

‘’Hi…Uhm, I hope you don’t mind that I came to join you guys’’, as she gave you a resilient hug. You hugged her back, keeping the two cold bottles in your other hand. ‘’Of course, you’re welcome, I am Y/N’’ you spoke as you gave her a warm smile. ‘’Sophie‘’ the brunette spoke, giving you a thankful smile, before sitting down in between Nicolas and Layla. Looking back at Lewis, he looked down to his lap, strictly gesturing you to sit down on your new seat.

Lewis grabbed your thighs, lowering you down onto him. Something that made you realize just how impatient he was getting. You sat down, immediately feeling how hard he was underneath you, as he continued chatting like nothing was wrong.

‘’So, you guys have made any plans yet?’’ Nicolas spoke. ‘’Giving this one some well-deserved attention’’ Daniel said, while holding Layla’s hand above the table, winning a smile from her side. ‘’We haven’t really thought of it, honestly. We just want to relax.’’ Layla added.

While hearing the plans of the other couples, Lewis was slowly playing with the zipper of your pants underneath the table. Down… and up again, teasing you. Your two legs were now spread, with his left, muscled thigh in the middle. You wanted him so badly, all you could think of was him fucking you like only he could, but you wouldn’t give in this easily. You had shot him a quick glimpse, minimally curving your back to be able to look back at him. Trying your best to maintain yourself, while the way he was sitting was probably enough to make you drip down your thighs. His legs were spread, his white shirt unbuttoned at the top, exposing the ‘’N’’ of his compass tattoo. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing his glowing skin. He leaned back onto his chair, pulling you against him tightly, as he moved the chair further under the table. Nobody was able to see below your middle now. He effortlessly moved you to his middle, before moving your zipper all the way down, and without warning, slipping two fingers into your string, tapping on your entrance lightly. You let out a small smirk, much to his displease, and continued to take a sip from your drink, acting as unaffected by your boyfriends’ actions as you possibly could.

‘’Don’t make me push further.’’ He whispered into your ear. ‘’I’d like to see you try, baby…’’ you taunted him. The next thing you felt were two of his fingers, entering you with such force it made you move up from Lewis’ lap, his reflex immediately holding you down in his firm grip, with his other hand on your thigh. You couldn’t help but let out a suppressed moan.

‘’What was that?’’ he whispered, clear anger in his voice.

You swallowed, still trying to ignore his efforts.

‘’Look what we have here’’ he goes, as he noticed how quickly he had you covering the palm of his hand with your juices. ‘’Baby… Why are you so wet?’’

You tried to keep your focus on the table, in case anyone would start asking you questions, or involving you into their chatter. But it was no use, Lewis had other plans with you, and you had no choice but to give in to him. He wanted you to completely be under his control, even if you were seated on his lap in front of a dozen of his friends. Seeing you squirm and having to really focus on not making any sounds, was making him painfully hard for you.

You eased up into his lap, allowing his fingers deeper inside of you, as he slowly started to fuck you with them.

‘’That’s it, baby, relax for me.’’ You noticed him whispering beneath his breath. His face was still crooked in your neck, mouth close to your ear. ‘’Isn’t that much better?’’

You moved up a little, swallowing a gasp as you felt his index finger on your clit. He started moving his fingers at a pace that you knew was going to make you actually orgasm right then and there. How the hell were you going to hide it now? Your body started to shake lightly, Lewis’ right arm holding you down tighter. ‘’Easy, baby, we can’t get caught now, can we?’’ He whispered devilishly as you looked up at the table, worried about the half horny, half worried expression on your face.

Layla was making fast friends with Sophie, as Nicolas and Daniel were deeply in conversation with the other boys about some car stuff and his job at RedBull. Nobody paid attention to the two of you. ‘’It’s just you and me, baby. Don’t worry.’’ he whispered, feeling you tense up again.

You wanted nothing more than for Lewis to fuck you, to do with you as he pleased. The memories of your many wild nights had made you slowly rock your hips in the same movements as his fingers. Lewis moved his other hand up your arm, as if he was going to stroke it, but continued to move towards the back of your neck, squeezing it lightly. ‘’That’s more like it.’’ he continues to breathe into your neck. You moved your hands under the table, trying to find something to squeeze in, anything. Lewis let out a soft chuckle when the only thing you could find was his leg. He was working you in a way that only he could, his unforgiving pace was pushing you closer and closer to your high quickly now. ‘’Lewis…I…’’ you gasped. ‘’Stop…please I can’t hold it anymore.’’ You were almost crying it out at this point. ‘’Are you going to displease me?’’ he groaned.

‘’No…I don’t want to…’’

His fingers fucked you even harder, making it entirely impossible for you to speak any more, or think straight, for that matter. ‘’Cum for me, now.’’ He ordered.

That was all you needed to hear, his words basically pushing you over the edge, making you drip all over his hand. ‘’That’s it…that’s a good girl…’’ he whispered, as he slowly kept moving his fingers inside of you, until he was sure you had enjoyed your high as much as possible. After a minute, he zipped your pants back up, and wrapped his two arms around your shocking body, helping you come down from your high. ‘’I got you baby.’’ He whispered as you slowly came back to reality.

A few guests had left during the evening, while some new faces were entering. The vibe in the apartment was amazing. Everyone got along well, mingles and laughs were filling the rooms as Lewis came up to you to remind you of the party all of you would attend, tonight.

‘’I’ll go get ready, babe.’’ You said, as you dried off the last plate from the sink, putting it away in a cabin above your head.

You pouted lightly in the mirror, concentrating on applying a nude shade of lipliner. It was only when you had put down the pencil, that you noticed in the mirror that your boyfriend was now leaned against the wall behind you. Licking his lips slowly, as he let his eyes move all over you. The black mini dress that you were wearing was suddenly feeling a lot tighter, as you tried your best to stay still, softly faltering on the black heels that were strapped on your feet. Your dress showing off your tanned body and figure perfectly, making it impossible for Lewis to take his eyes off of the girl that was standing in front of him. You had let your wavy, long hair falling down loosely, making it look like you hadn’t made such an effort. Even though you had showered and gotten ready, your mind couldn’t shake Lewis’ actions from earlier, still making you ache for him. You had to shake your thoughts, before they would soon leave you dripping down your thighs, exposing you.

Even after a year, having Lewis staring you down like that, still made you shiver. ‘’I see you’re planning on torturing me all night.’’ Lewis voice had started to fill the bathroom. You didn’t answer, trying to place his words. ‘’Don’t even try to imagine. You’ll see.’’ Lewis turned you towards him, and put you sitting in front of him, next to the bathroom sink. He grabbed your jaw, roughly pushing your head towards the mirror, before slowly letting his tongue slip into your mouth. You relaxed, gave into him. Allowed him to completely make a mess of your finished looks, as he finally gave you what you desired. ‘’Sweetie… You’re going to have to take me now.’’ He breathes. ‘’I can’t hold myself for another minute seeing you like this.’’

He pulled you onto him forcefully, making you meet the bulge in his jeans. ‘’This is what you do to me. This is how you torture me every single minute.’’ He said, pulling your hair down so you were forced to look up at him. ‘’Baby I…’’ you started. ‘’Hush now, that’s okay. I’m about to make you pay for it.’’ He shut you up completely. You couldn’t think straight after hearing his words, he had knowingly or not taken fully control over you. He took you by your hands, pulling you into the bedroom, sitting down on the couch, as you were standing in front of him. ‘’On your knees, sweetie.’’ He ordered. He had your heart pounding in your throat by now. Whether he knew it or not, his soft, loving voice spilling such nasty words would always have completely weak for him. You kneeled in front of him, probably more eager than him to have him in your mouth. He leaned against the couch, spreading his legs in front of your hypnotized eyes. Before you knew it, no recollection of how you even undressed him, you took him in your mouth, slowly. Licking his base to tip, feeling yourself dripping as he moaned for you. You could never decide what was better, seeing him in pleasure because of you, or having him pleasuring you. It was crazy, how love drunk he had you for him. You took him back into your mouth, to the point of tears filling up your eyes. He pulled you up, pushing you down onto the bed, as he leaned over you. ‘’Look at you.’’ He goes. ‘’All under my control. I love you like this, when you don’t even try to think for yourself.’’

He moves his hand towards where your underwear is supposed to be, as you stopped him, making Lewis look up to you, furrowed brows and a face with anger written all over it. ‘’What is that?’’ he groaned. ‘’I…I don’t want your fingers.’’ You stumbled. Even when your boyfriend was in this animalistic mood of his, he never wanted to do you any harm. It was him thinking in your best interest, since common sense would be far gone for you. ‘’But you will struggle, baby.’’ Lewis smiled down at you, like he didn’t know he was about to demolish you. ‘’I want to… make me hurt, please.’’ You begged him. Lewis looked down at you again, for a few seconds. ‘’Please baby… I want to feel pain.’’ You cried. He knew you liked it rough at times, but he has never heard you beg for it before. He got up, leaving you going completely blank on the bed. You heard the sound of some metal tapping against his rings, raising your anticipation even more. The next thing you felt was his belt around your wrists, tightening up roughly. Lewis moved your arms above your head, leaving you exposed for him. ‘’No more running from it now.’’ He whispered, before positioning himself in front of you, thrusting himself into you at once. You gasped; he had never given you a stretch like this before. Lewis twitched inside of you, making him moan aggressively down on you. ‘’Fuck… baby… how are you this tight?’’

He stopped for a split second, catching his breath, before he grabbed your face tightly and licked into your mouth, letting a little bit of his saliva drip into you. You moaned, swallowing it directly. ‘’You’d do anything to please me, wouldn’t you?’’ he groans. ‘’Yes… I’d do anything.’’ You whimpered. Lewis started to move himself. In and out, making you cry as your body was tied up, unable to move under him. You couldn’t touch him, as much as you wanted to, he had you tied up so tightly it was for sure going to leave some markings on your wrists if you kept trying. He pulled out of you, flipping you over, and entered you again. You could barely keep yourself together at this point, painfully screaming as he filled you up again. ‘’Quiet now baby… you asked me to do this. Be a good little girl and take all of me.’’ Lewis leaned over your curved body, quickly releasing your wrists from the tight grip, as he folded the belt in his hands. You screamed, again as the belt hit your ass cheek, unable to keep your cries down. Whimpering in pain, whispering towards him softly ‘’more, please’’ you begged him, beneath your breath, as you lowered your head even more. Another slap hit your ass, making Lewis groan. ‘’I told you to stay quiet.’’ The anger in his voice making tears roll down your cheeks again.

He stopped, as a second later you gasped when the cold, silver material of his belt was held onto your face, stroking your cheeks slowly as Lewis kept himself still inside of you. It was evil, the way in which it was impossible for you to predict what he was going to do to you. ‘’Open wide.’’ His voice was cold, strict and calm. It had sent shivers onto your body. He smiled behind you as he placed the double folded belt into your mouth. ‘’How does that feel?’’ he moaned into your ear, making your walls squeeze him even more. ‘’That’s what I thought.’’ He pulled out a little, before giving you exactly what you wanted. You started to see stars, as he fucked you deeply, making sure you were feeling every single inch of him.

His pace was rough, unforgiving, and the most painful thing you had ever felt. Before long, you started to feel him not being able to hold back anymore. ‘’How about I fill you all up, baby?’’ Lewis moaned. ‘’I bet you would just love to be full of me, wouldn’t you, now?’’

You couldn’t speak, but your moans had done the work for you. You screamed, biting into the leather in your mouth as Lewis moved faster, a pace that you failed to understand how it was humanly possible. It was quite literally knocking all the sense out of you. Before long, you were feeling him coming undone deeply inside of you, immediately collapsing on top of you.

Your mind kept blank, as Lewis cleaned you, and tried hopelessly to get you to come back to him. It was no use; you were completely gone. He got dressed, leaving you laying down on the bed. After a while, he gently took you into his arms, and carried you to couch, placing you on his lap. Lewis looked down at your tired but satisfied face, the sight only fed his love for you. ‘’I love you baby; you can’t imagine just how much.’’

You let out a small smile, slowly coming back to reality. ‘’We might have a little problem here, though.’’ You looked up at him, slightly confused. ‘’We are so late.’’

‘’Everyone’s left already.’’ he giggled.

You had made your way to the party, that was held on a big terrace overlooking the beach. Hand locked in your dates’ as the two of you were greeting guests from the left and right. The night was long, you met a lot of new faces, your mood completely relaxed. The party was hosted by the same new friends you had made that joined the dinner at your apartment, the vibe ever improving as the night continued under the heat of the Brazilian climate. The mix of alcohol and the company of the man who you were completely head over heels for, had made the night truly one for the books. He looked gorgeous, his jewelry softly sparkling under the few lights that were barely lighting up anything.

The night had ended only around 4 in the morning, you were exhausted, passed out on the couch next to Layla, who was in the exact same state. Your heels were off, laying around messily somewhere along with your friends’. It took a while before you heard Lewis and Daniel coming back home, after dropping some of their friends off.

Your boyfriend kneeled by your side, playing softly with your hair. ‘’Let me take you to bed, hm?’’ he asked. You mumbled sleepily, as he took you in his arms, and carried you to your bedroom, softly lowering you down onto the cold sheets, waking you up a little. You tried to sit up, as a sharp pain in your stomach suddenly made you gasp, making Lewis rush to your side immediately. ‘’What is it, baby? What’s wrong?’’

‘’Nothing, I think’’ you said, clearly in pain, holding one hand on your lower stomach. ‘’I think my organs just aren’t used to being rearranged by a certain Brit.’’ You giggled, not wanting him to worry about you.

Lewis disappeared into the bathroom, coming back shortly after with some pain killers and a cold bottle of water. ‘’Let’s see if these will help, if they don’t, I’m taking you to the doctor first thing when you wake up.’’

‘’it’s just a little pain, don’t exaggerate so much please, babe. I’m fine.’’

You woke up a few hours later, while Lewis was out running, to an insanely nauseous feeling, as well as a pounding headache. Before you knew it, you were leaned over the toilet, feeling as if you were quite literally going to puke your whole stomach out. ‘’Y/N?’’ You heard Layla’s sleepy voice from afar, as she was entering your bedroom. ‘’Do you want to go get brea…’’

‘’Oh my god.’’ She gasped and stopped in her steps, as she saw you, pale faced in the bathroom, looking very small all of a sudden.

‘’It’s nothing, i’m fine.’’ You said as you flushed the toilet, turning around to lean against the bathroom wall.

‘’You don’t seem fine.’’ Layla said as she closed the bathroom door behind her and joined you on the floor. ‘’I’ve just been having these pains in my stomach…’’ you started.

‘’It’s been getting worse since last night, and Lewis noticed.’’

Layla looks up at you, worry building up in her expression. ‘’I’m surprised he didn’t drag you to the doctor immediately.’’

‘’Yeah, please don’t let him hear that.’’ You spoke, leaning your head back against the cold, refreshing tiles. Your best friend didn’t seem to like the way you were tilting your head at all.

‘’Nope, but I am taking you.’’ She said, as she pulled you up by your arm.

‘’Really Lay? I just woke up and I’m way too exhausted for this.’’ You sighed. ‘’Also, I think I might still be drunk.’’

‘’You really have been looking pale lately, and I’ve noticed you haven’t been eating well. ‘’Also, now this? Yes, I am taking you to the doctor, get dressed.’’ She said, as she disappeared into the living room.

Not long after, you were sat at a health clinic, waiting for the doctor in her office with Layla next to you, as if you were two teens again who were about to get expelled from school. You chuckle at the memory. Somehow it felt like nothing had changed at all. Your hair was up in a bun, you were messily sitting in your boyfriends’ black hoodie and sweats, with one leg up on the chair, leaning your head on your knee. ‘’Why is this taking so long?’’ Layla asked as she turned towards the door, running out of patience. ‘’I don’t know, do you have somewhere to be, anyways?’’ you teased her.

You heard the door behind you open, two doctors coming in with the results of your blood tests, looking at you quite displeased. One of them handed you a form, which didn’t check a lot of boxes, meaning you were fine. Except one. You looked down at the form, at one of the last boxes.

‘’Gravida.’’

You were pregnant.

Your head went completely blank, as Layla drove you back to the apartment, quiet as well. The fact that even Layla was quiet had you worrying like hell. You had no idea what to think. Was this a bad thing? Was it a good thing? You looked over at your friend, who wasn’t looking at you at all, slowly driving you past the many bars and restaurants that were slowly preparing to open up. It was terrible timing; Lewis was still at the prime of his career… and… No, fuck his career; what about him? Who says he even wants a child with you? You had only known each other for a year after all. You started to feel insanely anxious all of a sudden. How were you going to tell him? You couldn’t… it might ruin everything. This was way too much for you to handle. I’m so not ready… was the last thing that went through your mind. All you wanted to do was find Lewis, bury yourself deep in his arms and never get out.

‘’Lewis?’’ you spoke into the hallway, while walking towards your shared bedroom.

‘’In here, sweetie.’’

That gorgeous, kind accent of his had immediately made butterflies appearing in your stomach all over again. How could it not?

You found him sitting on the couch across from the bed, answering some emails, still in his workout clothes. He noticed you coming in, quietly sitting on the end of the bed.

‘’How are your pains?’’ Lewis looked up; a worried facial expression met you.

‘’Did you eat? Daniel said you and Layla were going to get some breakfast.’’

Seeing him had sparked something inside of you. This was your person, the love of your life. Why were you so nervous? He loves you; you know he does. Through the past year you had always found your courage in him, for anything. Why would this time be any different?

‘’No.’’ you said, looking out of the open doors that led to the balcony. Trying to find the courage to drop a complete bomb onto your boyfriends’ lap.

‘’Layla took me to the doctor.’’ You started, making Lewis get up from the couch.

‘’I don’t… I don’t know how…’’ you stumbled, nervously trying to make up the words. ‘’What is it, baby?’’ he asked. You looked into his eyes, searching for the last bit of strength you needed to spill the actual words.

‘’I’m pregnant.’’

Lewis eyes widened, not taking them off of you, before a small smile had started to appear on his cheeks. ‘’You’re pregnant?’’ he asks, almost desperately, as he kneeled down in front of you, tearing up at the realization. ‘’Yes, baby.’’ you smiled through your own tears.

A year later, back in London, you were laid back in a comfortable chair, in the corner of the nursery in your new-bought house, a soft lullaby was playing in the background.

Your baby girl was calmly sleeping in your arms, as you were staring at the sparkling diamond that was resting on your ring finger.

This life had taken turns you couldn’t have ever imagined. You had no clue that Lewis took you to Brazil to propose to you, one year deep into your relationship. You softly chuckled when you remembered the thoughts you were having about him losing interest in you, or not wanting to leave you out of pity. Lewis was going to be your husband, for life. He and your daughter had filled your life with so much love, you were practically drowning in it. It felt as if he took every broken piece of yourself and somehow managed to glue it all back together.

Your happy end was here, as your deepest wish had come true. You had gotten the dream you were dreaming, all this time. Lewis had become safe place. It was indescribable, being with him. Whenever he was around, you felt like you could do anything, anything at all. ‘’Impossible’’ was a word you quite literally removed from your vocabulary.

You looked down at your baby, who was now mumbling for her dadda in her sleep. You are so beautiful, you thought. Her plump lips, her small brown curls, her puffy cheeks. She was perfect, the way she resembled Lewis made you shed tears. ‘’Dadda will be home soon, baby.’’ You whispered, as you kissed her on her head, making her doze off, back into sleep.