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avis-writeshq · 4 years

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Damian Wayne x Reader: If by Fate

Oh my god she’s writing

Requested: Nope

Pairing: Damian Wayne x Fem!Reader

Summary: Things happen for a reason. People do things for a reason. According to science, there was no such thing as ‘fate’ or ‘miracles’. Soulmates don’t exist either. But maybe, just maybe, things can happen for no reason. Maybe things can occur without a solid explanation. In other words, things can happen by fate. And if love and romance can bloom from nowhere, perhaps it really was by fate.

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, and trash writing

Other: Kinda soulmate AU? But not really? Damian and Reader are 17-18 (Bc driving and stuff…)

Word count: 6,714

Things you probably wanna know, for all you ‘x reader’ illiterates:

(Y/N): Your Name

(H/C): Hair Colour / Color

(E/C): Eye Colour / Color

(N/N): Nickname

***

You remember the day it all started. 3 years ago; the first time you had met Damian Thomas Wayne. It had been a stroke of luck, or rather, a blessing in disguise. It wasn’t the first time you had met someone on such strange accounts. If you hadn’t, you never would have met Sakura, your dearest friend. If you hadn’t met Damian Wayne, perhaps you wouldn’t be lying beside him, tucked into his side. Maybe you wouldn’t have met all your close and dear friends. If by fate this was meant to be, you were going to let it.

*** 3 Years Ago, Gotham City, Fall/Autumn ***

You let out a laugh as you weaved in and out of lampposts and people, Sakura on your heels. You heard her giggle from behind you, and you ducked from an old lady waving her umbrella around. Ignoring Sakura’s cry of slowing down, you ran faster to the grass areas where couples were enjoying the aesthetic of the red and orange leaves. You suddenly paused, Sakura almost hitting your back at your abrupt stop.

“Really, (N/N)?” She frowned, but you knew she was joking.

“Do you hear that?” Your words were quiet, contemplating your decisions.

The girl stopped for a moment, playing with a strand of her strawberry blonde hair. She was flawless like that. Tall, Sakura had brilliant blue eyes that could charm anyone she meets. She had a few guys at Gotham Academy staring after her, you were sure. “I don’t hear anything.”

“It’s a bird.” You were quiet again.

“All I can hear is a baby crying,” she drawled, a smirk playing at her lips. “Are you sure you don’t need your hearing checked?”

Ignoring her sarcastic reply, you took a few steady steps towards a bush, purple peonies growing from it. The cry of a bird became louder to your ears and you did your best to be as quiet as you possibly could. Well, you were sure you would have gone undetected if Sakura wasn’t being the whiny and complaining girl she was.

“(Y/N), there’s nothing here!” she whined, a pout on her face.

You twisted your head around to glare at her. “Shut up,” you hissed before turning your attention back to the bush. Lo and behold, there truly was a small bird in the bush. With black and grey wings with an orangey-red chest, you were pretty sure you knew what it was. The small bird let out another cry, and it was then you noticed the blotchy scratches on its wing.

“It’s so cute!” Sakura squealed, but you shot her an icy glare to silence her. “What kind of bird is it?” She whispered softly, being as quiet as she possibly could.

“Turdus migratorius, otherwise known as the American Robin,” you recited dutifully, a small smile on your face.

“You really know your birds, huh, (N/N)?” A smirk rose to her face.

“I did the robin for my 6th-grade science assignment, remember?” You rolled your eyes.

“And you got 110%! I can’t believe you got extra credit.” Her eyes lit up and she pulled you around by your shoulders. “What if this is a sign?”

“A sign?”

“You know, what if your soulmate, the man of your dreams, is Robin? You know… the vigilante who works with the Big Bat himself?” She grinned at you. “Isn’t he dreamy?”

“You’ve been reading too many fan-fictions,” you mutter, pulling away from her. “And think realistically Sakura! I’ve never met this guy before in my life, and I think that’s more of a blessing than a curse. Besides, who knows how he is under the mask?” You shook your head, attention turning back to the little bird. Taking off your cardigan, you scooped the little bird up, cradling it against your chest.

“Great. Now what, genius?”

“There’s a pet store a few blocks away,” you answered, your eyes still trained on the small bird. It didn’t struggle as much as you would have thought; instead, it let out a small chirp, opening and closing its eyes. You knew it was still alive from its breathing- but for how long was the question?

Racing to the pet store, you made your way to the counter.

“Excuse me, sir?” You offered a smile to the middle-aged man. “I found this injured bird a few minutes ago. Do you know any vets that can look after it?”

The man peered at you from behind his glasses. By now, Sakura was off looking at the little puppies being groomed. “Is it wild?”

“Yes, sir,” you nodded.

“It’s just a bird,” he drawled, and you glanced at his nametag. Mason.

“It may be just a bird, but it still deserves to live, Mr Mason,” you said coldly. “It was scratched and beaten with nobody and nothing to support it. I don’t know about you, sir, but if I was lying on the side of the road, I would want to be picked up and taken to the hospital.” You shot him a harsh glare, properly scaring him.

“Right, yes, well, I’ll see what I can do.”

“If I find out you have put him down,” you began slowly, watching the man cower in his seat, “you will be very sorry. You got that?”

The man nodded frantically, “y-yes ma’am.”

You stood up straight, a bright smile on your face. “Thank you very much. Let me know what the fees are and I’ll pay for the treatment.”

With that, you walked over to where Sakura was watching you, “wowie, (N/N)! Remind me to never get on your bad side!”

You shrugged, “he was being an ass, that’s all. I have consumer rights, ya know.”

“I don’t think that’s in the law…” she mumbled before looking up at you. “I have the tea!”

You raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I mean… guess who I saw in the pet store!” You blinked, opening your mouth to answer when she quickly cut you off. “Damian Wayne!”

“How is that ‘tea’?” you asked, referring to her elaborate word choice moments earlier.

“I know that’s not super important to you, but he’s drop-dead gorgeous! And he was looking right at you!” She let out a dreamy sigh. “You’re lucky, (Y/N). Damian Wayne and Robin… you can choose between them.”

You scrunched your nose in disgust. “Why would I have to choose? I’m not gonna have either of them. Besides, I was causing a scene before. And everyone in our school goes to the pet store. He might just be looking for a pet.” She didn’t seem to be listening as her mouth was wide open, pupils dilating. She let out a few unintelligible sounds before pointing behind you. “What are you-?”

You turned around, only to be met with fierce green eyes. “Oh, hi Damian! What brings you here?”

The said boy shrugged. “I was just looking around. I saw you at the counter just now. You rescued a bird?”

You nodded, “yeah, it was a robin. It is migrating season, after all. It must have hurt its wing while it was regaining some energy.”

Damian hummed. “You seemed to be having a hard time. Are you really going to pay for the bills?”

“I was just letting him know that he was a sorry excuse for a human being…” you mumbled, “I guess in the heat of the moment I told him I’d pay for the vet bills,” you let out a groan. “I don’t even have that kind of money! I truly am an idiot.”

The green-eyed boy just smirked. “Remember who you’re talking to? I’ll pay for the bills.”

Your eyes lit up. “Really? You don’t have to; the bird is my responsibility…”

He shrugged again. “I got it. But, do me a favour?”

With a frantic nod, you agreed.

“Please tell your friend to stop gaping at me in the halls.” With that, he turned tail and left.

You blinked, turning around before shooting you friend a glare. “You ‘gape at him in the halls’? Sakura…”

“Don’t mind about me, what was that?!” She took hold of your shoulders, shaking you. “Are you secretly dating Damian Wayne?!”

You scoffed, shrugging her hands off your shoulders. “You really don’t have a brain in there, do you?” You rolled your eyes, “he was just helping me out. Besides, he’s the son of the richest man in the world.”

“Then why did he talk to you?!”

You hummed, thinking to yourself. “I don’t know. I was his biology partner for a day and-” You paused when you saw Sakura looking at you with a smirk. “GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER, SAKURA!”

***

Damian took one last glance at you over his shoulder. You seemed to be telling Sakura off about something. With a small smile and heavy heart, he put his earphones into his ears before stuffing his hands into his pockets. Ah, the things he does for love. He never wanted to admit it, but you intrigued him. Sure, he was only in your science class and he was your partner for an hour, but you were different. At least, you were to him. You actually had the courage to speak your mind and show people who’s boss, and you did it all without violence. If it were him, he would have punched the store clerk’s face in a second.

Just as he turned the corner, he felt and arm over his shoulders. “Hey, Damian! It’s nice to see you again!”

Taking one of his earphones out of his ear, he turned to respond, but kept walking. “TT, Grayson. What are you doing here?”

“Ah, don’t be like that, Dami! I’m here for the Autumn Carnival like every year. Bludhaven holds one, too, but it’s nothing compared to Gotham’s. Maybe because Bruce is sponsoring it.” The man paused for a moment. “You are going, right? You didn’t go last year, and from what Bruce told me, you didn’t go 2 years ago, either.”

“Father needs to stop telling people about me,” Damian huffed, looking away. “And to answer your question, Grayson, no, I would not be attending the carnival.”

“Well, that’s too bad. It’s a good thing Bruce thought of something to get you to go.”

The Arabian boy eyes his older brother wearily. “And that is?”

“It’s either you go or you have to go to another one of Bruce’s balls. And…” Dick mimed a drum roll resulting in an eye roll from the younger boy. “I’ll tell him about (Y/N)…”

Damian choked, trying his best to ignore the heat that rose up the back of his neck. “TT, what on earth are you talking about, Grayson?”

“Oh, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. (Y/N) (L/N). You’ve been crushing on her for months now.”

“And how could you tell?” He challenged, “Do you have any evidence supporting your ridiculous claims?”

“Well… you were at the pet store just now, correct? From what I heard of the conversation, you’re paying her vet bills.” A smirk made its way on Dick’s face.

“You are not a clown, Grayson, you are entire circus.” With that, he put his earphone back in his ear, closing the conversation.

When Damian arrived at the manor, Dick bombarded him with questions again. “So… when are you going to ask her out?”

With an unamused eyebrow raise, Damian let out a huff. “Maybe you should annoy Drake. I heard he and Stephanie were going through some tough times.”

“That is a lie and you know it!” A voice called out from the top of the stairs. “And who is Damian asking out?”

With a pointed glare, the said boy took his leave, racing up the stairs and jumping over Tim’s sad attempt of trying to trip him. Muttering to himself, he slammed the door shut, flinching when his cat let out a yowl and jumped off his bed, scurrying away. Titus strolled up to his master, giving a pleading look. That meant either 2 things; he was either hungry or in need of pats. Damian guessed it was in need of pats.

“Stupid Grayson,” Damian muttered as he scratched Titus from behind the ears. “Always meddling in other people’s business…” the black dog nodded its head as if to agree with his master’s comment. The boy smirked. “Even you could see it, right, Titus?”

The canine let out a bark of agreement, lifting his head up for a moment. Damian smirked, patting Titus’s head fondly. “I suppose I should train now, shouldn’t I?” Another bark of agreement came from Titus. Rolling his eyes, the boy grabbed his suit before racing into the cave.

***

You let out a small yawn as you held your head on the palm of your hand, tapping your Maths textbook with the end of your pencil. It was late – too late, in your opinion, – and you were bored beyond your mind. You were doing some extra revision in your room while your parents went out for a ‘date night’. You were just about to call it a day when a shadow loomed over you.

“What…” you spun around, only to see a figurine on top of a building. “Wait until Sakura hears this.”

You rolled your eyes at the thought of your best friend fangirling about what you had just seen, when the figurine took out his grappling hook and left. You pushed your window open, shivering slightly when the cool night air hit your skin. The t-shirt and sweatpants weren’t doing any justice at the moment, and goosebumps prickled your skin. You leaned over slightly, your hair whipping around in the breeze. Hearing the flap of a cape, you looked up, only to be met with the white lenses of a domino mask.

Letting out a yelp, you jumped backwards, tripping over your own feet. You saw Robin cringe at your fall, and you shot him a glare to silence him from laughing at you. “Stalker much?” You muttered to yourself, knowing full-well that he could hear you.

“Who said I was stalking you?” Robin huffed, climbing into your room, much to your surprise.

“Why the hell are you in my room?!” You demanded, scowling at him as you pushed yourself up from the floor. “Did Sakura put you up to this?”

The masked vigilante feigned surprise. “Who is ‘Sakura’?”

You shrugged, “a friend of mine. What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be out wresting the hulk or something?”

“Trying to get rid of me so easily?”

“Considering the fact that you are inside my room without permission, yes, I do want to get rid of you.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Fine, then. Have a good evening, (Y/N).” With that, he jumped out the window and grappled away.

“Wait, how do you know my name?!” You yelled after him, only receiving a chuckle before silence. Yeah, Sakura was going to have a field day of fan-fiction when she hears this.

***

“ROBIN WAS IN YOUR ROOM?!” Sakura demanded, and you flinched at the cacophony she was creating.

“Shh, not so loud!” You slapped a hand over her mouth, faking a smile when one of the juniors looked at you weirdly. “And, yes, he was in my room. But it was only for a second and by mistake.”

“What do you mean, ‘by mistake’?! He climbed into your room.”

You shot her an icy glare. “I fell. He was just helping me up.” You slammed your locker door shut, clutching your science books in your arms. You spun on your heel, making your way to the Science Lab, Sakura chasing after you.

“No offence, (Y/N), but Robin has was better things to do other than help a girl up.”

“Chivalry isn’t completely dead,” you hissed. “And even though this school is the definition of haughty, that does not mean people can’t be nice. Besides, if people weren’t nice, there wouldn’t be any Robin or Bat-guy, would there?”

“You have a point,” Sakura nodded, “and it’s Batman.” She was quiet for a minute before her eyes lit up. “Are you going to the Autumn Carnival?”

You shrugged, “sure. I think my parents already bought me tickets, so we can go together. They can’t come though, another shitty business trip.”

“That’s 3 in the past month!”

“I know. Anyway, I better head go into class. You know how Mrs Medaleve gets when we aren’t in class when she is.” You huffed before giving her a look. “Don’t say a thing about what happened last night to anyone.”

“Alright, alright. Put in a good word to Jeremy for me!” She let out a sigh. “I caught him looking at me this morning. Do you think he likes me?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” you challenged, “Now go to your French class!”

“Bye!”

With a short wave, Sakura raced down the hall to her French class on the other side of the school. You rolled your eyes, a smile gracing your features. You turned around to enter the classroom when you felt a person run into your back. You let out a yelp, falling forwards, your books dropping to the ground. “Ouchie…”

“My apologies. Are you hurt?” A very familiar voice sounded from above you.

“Oh, Damian. It’s not your fault, don’t worry,” you smiled, getting to your knees to pick up your books. “I’m okay, though. Thanks.”

He nodded, picking up your biology textbooks and handing it to you. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. You met Robin?”

You sighed, “of course Sakura would be loud enough to let the world know. Anyway, to answer your question, yeah, I kinda talked to him last night. It was an accident, so no biggie.” You offered a smile, placing your books down on your desk.

Damian was quiet as he placed his belongings on the desk beside you. He finally opened his mouth to comment. “That’s a bit strange, don’t you think?”

“Well, Sakura’s convinced that we’re soulmates and she’s gone off about way too many crazy things, so to tell the truth, that wasn’t the strangest thing that’s ever happened to me.” You shrugged. “But it was kind of weird. Maybe he just got bored on patrol.”

“Maybe…”

In reality, Damian was bored last night. He didn’t mean to talk to you last night, though, that’s for sure. He just so happened to be in the area and you caught his eye. Well, to be fair, every single time you were within a 10 metre radius of him, you always caught his eye.

After the whole ordeal, Bruce had reprimanded him for leaving his perimeter, even though nothing really happened. For Gotham, it was a quiet night which was unknown to the established city.

Class ended on a boring note, and Mrs Medaleve had requested you to clean the classroom before leaving to lunch (it was really unfair to you because you always paid attention to her classes). Luckily for you, Damian stayed behind to keep you company and to help clean the mess your classmates made.

“Thanks for staying behind, Damian,” you said once the classroom was clean.

“Take it as an apology for running into you earlier today,” he told you as the two of you walked into the cafeteria. “If you could excuse me, I have soccer training to get to.”

“Oh, sure thing. I’ll see you later, okay?” You smiled before walking deeper into the cafeteria, searching for a free table.

“(Y/N) GUESS WHAT?!” A voice sounded behind you, and you jumped in the air.

“Sakura, can you not scare me like that?” You huffed, “what happened?”

“So, Jeremy waited for me for me to finish class just now and…” she mimed a drumroll, “he asked me out to the Autumn Carnival!”

A grin stretched across your face. “Sakura, that’s great news!” You paused. “But what about my extra ticket?”

Horror dropped on the girl’s face. “(Y/N), I forgot all about that! I’m so sorry! Maybe you can come hang out with me and Jeremy, and give the ticket to someone else…”

“And ruin your first date with the guy you’ve been crushing on since freshman year? Saki, I can’t do that to you. I’ll be fine, you can go with Jeremy. I’ll find someone else to go to the carnival with, okay?”

“Thanks, (Y/N), you’re the best!” She wrapped her arms around you, smiling. “Come on, let’s have lunch with him and his friends. Maybe we could go on a double date.”

You laughed but nodded. “We’ll see how today goes.”

***

You came back to your home to find your parents out of the country. They had left a note on the kitchen counter explaining about what you’ll be having for lunch and dinner on the days they will be gone, as well as all the emergency numbers you can use in case of, well, an emergency.

You threw yourself on your bed with a groan. You were way too tired to deal with all this stuff. You probably won’t be going to the Autumn Carnival, either. As much as you wanted to go and check out the festivities, you really didn’t want to go by yourself. You sighed. At least tomorrow was a weekend. Then you could wallow self-pity for as long as you would like.

Morning came far too quickly for your liking, and you decided to take a walk. Maybe that would help let off some steam. You quickly changed your clothes and stepped outside, taking a walk to the park a few blocks down. After an hour of steady-paced walking, you took a seat on one of the park benches.

“Oh, (Y/N)! It’s a surprise to see you here!” A masculine voice said from beside you. A man with black hair and crystal blue eyes was sitting to your left, a bright smile on his face. “Wonderful morning, wouldn’t you think?”

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

He was just about to respond when a very angry person yelled out, “GRAYSON, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

‘Grayson’ let out a giggle and you saw Damian come into view, absolutely fuming. You frowned. “Damian?”

“Oh, (Y/N), I would like to apologise on behalf of my idiot brother.” He pulled his older brother up by his shirt, glaring daggers into his head.

“It’s alright,” you smiled. “I was getting lonely, anyway.”

“Where’s Sakura?”

“Hanging out with her boyfriend, probably,” you shrugged. “By the way, are you going to the Autumn Carnival?”

“Damian here is a party pooper,” Grayson piped up. “He hates carnivals.”

You deflated slightly. “Well, that’s too bad. I had an extra ticket if you wanted it.” You hummed, getting up from your seat. “I’ll see you guys around.” You waved goodbye and turned to leave when you heard someone call your name. “Damian?”

“I’ll pick you up at 10.” Was all he said, looking away from you. He tried his best to ignore the heat rising up on his cheeks.

“I’ll see you then!”

As soon as you left, Dick smirked at his youngest brother. “Ooh, la la, Damian has a date.” He grinned, nudging him on the arm. “Aw, look, he’s blushing!”

“Shut up, Grayson.”

“Don’t be like that, Dami! I’ll get you ready for your date with (Y/N), okay? Relax; just leave everything to big brother Dickie!”

Damian groaned. “My dream come true…”

***

The following Saturday, you were sitting on your couch. It was half-past 9, so you weren’t fussed about waiting. After all, it was you who was early and not him who was late. You decided to wear a pretty basic outfit that consisted of a grey coat that went mid-thigh, a Batman t-shirt, blue ripped jeans, black lace-up boots and a baby pink beanie. Because, well, why not? You were pretty calm while you were getting ready and had a decent breakfast. At Wayne Manor, on the other hand? Not so much.

“Damian, come on, I told you that you would look good in the blue!” Dick whined, shoving the shirt in his face.

“And I told you that I am perfectly happy looking the way I am,” Damian deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest.

The two men were going on about outfits since 6 in the morning while Jason did his best to not decapitate both of them for not giving him his beauty sleep. Damian grit his teeth in agitation as his older brother tried his best to ‘help’ him with his outfit. Not that the younger boy needed it. He got his impeccable sense of style from his father. I mean, who else would think of putting an extra Batarang in their suit? Only Batman himself.

“Grayson,” Damian began slowly, “I know what I’m doing. I’m not a child. And I think I look fine in what I’m wearing, for your information.”

In all honesty, Damian did look good in his outfit. It was a casual red and black plaid collared shirt with black jeans. His hair was gelled back in its usual style, and instead of his usual dress shoes, he went with a pair of casual converse.

“Dammit, Dick, just let him go to his stupid date already…” Jason groaned from the other side of the wall. “He probably looks like a piece of shit like always.”

“Shut up, Todd,” Damian growled. He plucked his leather jacket off the back of his chair and powerwalked to the kitchen. Down a flight of stairs, turn left… Grabbing a pop tart from the pantry he swiftly tore his car keys off their hook and basically leapt into his car. He had 20, maximum 22 minutes to get to your house. Then it’s rush, rush, rush to get to the carnival to avoid unneeded traffic.

Being careful not to go over the speed limit, Damian pulled up in front of your house, doing his best to calm his nerves. The game plan was simple; ring your doorbell, walk back to the car without tripping on his feet, open the car door for you and attempt small talk. Not that hard… right? After all, Dick, Tim and Jason do it all the time with their significant others…

With 30 seconds to spare, Damian rang your doorbell. The door opened almost instantly, leaving Damian with zero prep time. ‘Stick to the game plan, stick to the game plan…’

“Hi, Damian!” You chirped, a bright smile on your face.

‘Shit, she’s cute…’ “Good morning, (Y/N),” Damian nodded at you. ‘Dammit, Wayne, smile for goodness sake!’

“Good morning to you, too!” You followed Damian to his car (a very expensive looking car, mind you). Like a gentleman, the young Wayne opened up the passenger side door, allowing you to step inside. With the nerves almost getting to you, you did your best not to trip while sitting down (that’s possible, by the way). “Thanks, Dami.”

You bit your lip through most of the car ride, trying to calm yourself down. The awkward tension was in the air and you tried your best to wrack your brains for a conversation topic. Unfortunately for you, your brain decided to die last minute without letting you know.

From the driver’s seat, Damian cleared his throat. “Have you been to the Carnival before?”

“I went last year with Sakura while my parents were on another business trip.” You shrugged. “How about you? I’m guessing from what your brother said, you didn’t go last time?”

He nodded stiffly, his emerald green eyes still trained on the road. “I wasn’t one for loud places.”

“Well then, thank you for accompanying me today. It really means a lot to me.” You leaned back in the seat. “People are always really busy… Sakura has a boyfriend now and had to bail on me last second. Both my parents are on another business trip and I guess- sorry, I shouldn’t be rambling to you!” You flushed, looking away.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind. Is there a particular music genre you listen to?”

“It depends on how I’m feeling,” you admitted. “Sometimes I listen to classical. I usually listen to soft pop, if you get what I mean,” you shrugged. “I’ll listen to anything as long as it isn’t overly loud.”

Damian hummed in thought. “I think it’s one of those things you just get used to. My other brother, Jason, plays rock music on blast all day.”

“It must be fun having all those brothers,” you said, looking out the window.

“Sometimes,” Damian admitted. “They can be nice when they want to be.”

***

Apparently, now was not one of those times. The night before Damian left to pick you up, Tim, Jason, and Dick had devised a plan to see everything that was happening. Tim, being the technology geek he is, strategically placed a hidden camera inside of Damian’s car, making sure it was properly hidden. Dick and Jason would be at the carnival; Dick wearing a full-body bear costume while Jason dressed up as a clown. They were both entirely unrecognisable. Hopefully.

“You guys know the plan?” Tim asked through the microphone.

Jason and Dick nodded, “absolutely.”

The two men were situated in the middle of the carnival area, around a large fountain. They were getting their carts read that was filled with popcorn and ice-cream .

“Let’s hope Demon Brat is too busy talking to his girlfriend to notice us,” Jason muttered through his intercom, holding onto the multitude of balloons.

“I doubt it,” Dick said honestly, rolling his eyes from underneath the bear mask. “He’s too observant for his own good. Timmy, how’s it going in the car?”

“They are… making a poor excuse of small talk,” Tim admitted. He could practically hear his older brothers sweat-drop. “Gah, they’re so in love it hurts.”

“What, what are they saying?” The eldest brother asked excitedly.

“They’re talking about… ice-cream.”

“… ice-cream?” Jason repeated.

“Yep… they both like boysenberry, though!”

“This hurts more than the time Joker killed me.”

***

You and Damian arrived at the Carnival, 10 minutes earlier than their opening time. Thanks to Damian being Bruce’s son, the two of you were allowed an early-bird entry, meaning you could play a few games without having to wait in a queue. Unfortunately, some of the games weren’t read yet, so you had to settle with the generic ones like darts. There was one particular game that you wanted to beat…

“You are aware this is rigged, right?” Damian asked as you passed the man a 5 dollar note.

You shrugged, taking the bucket of rings. “It’s still fun! Frustrating, I suppose, but fun.” You did your best to aim before launching the red ring at the glass bottle. With a clink, it fell to the side. “Aw, man.”

Damian rolled his eyes, watching you miss time and time again. With only five more rings in the bucket, you needed to get at least four of them in to win the big prize; the big teddy bear with a red bow around its neck. You threw the ring at one of the glass bottles and… missed. Again. And you kept on missing until all the rings were gone.

You grunted in frustration. “Dammit.” You shrugged, turning around to smile at Damian. “Oh well, there’s always next time. Come on, let’s go to another stall!”

The green eyes boy paused. “Didn’t you want the bear?”

“You were right, this game is rigged.” Your shoulders slumped. “It would’ve been great to get the prize, but… I don’t think anyone wins it.”

That sounded like a challenge. “One bucket of rings, please,” Damian said finally, passing the man a 50 dollar note, “keep the change.”

You raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Damian narrowed his eyes in concentration, gripping the ring in his right hand. With a flick of the wrist, the ring was shot right at a bottle. With a clatter, it landed right around the neck of the bottle.

You grinned, “you’re good.”

“Thank you,” Damian said curtly. In the span of 10 seconds, he had achieved to get four more rings around four bottles. “I believe that is the big bear, sir.”

The man gaped at the young Wayne but said nothing. Taking the bear off its hook, he handed the bear to the young adult who smirked at you with triumph. You giggled but said nothing until Damian extended his arms to you, still holding onto the oversized bear.

“I believe this is for you.”

A small blush dusted your cheeks and you grinned. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure. Now,” he stood up straighter. “Is there anything else you would like to do?”

With a twinkle in your eye, you looked up at him. “Photobooth?”

His smirk turned into a mischievous grin. “Absolutely.”

***

“Mayday, mayday, they just entered the photo booth!” Dick exclaimed.

“Why is that so bad?” Jason asked, rolling his eyes.

“That, my dear brother, is where couples go to do the do!”

“That’s crazy,” Tim muttered, “They’re probably just taking a few pictures, what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal,” Dick began, “is the fact that they are in there making memories! And not the photo kind!”

Jason scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “You are the biggest idiot I have ever met. Look, they’re coming out now, giggling over some stupid photo they took.”

The two met watched as you tucked the photo in your coat pocket before taking Damian’s arm and walking. Wait… the two of you were walking straight to where Dick and Jason were.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no!” Jason panicked. “WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS STUPID PLAN?!”

“Shut up, you idiot!” Dick hissed, nudging his chest.

From the other side of the fountain, the two men heard you speak. “Hey, Dami, do you wanna get something to eat?”

“I believe there was a popcorn stand around here. At least, according to the brochure there is.”

“Oh, they’re on the other side! Come on, Damian! We could get ice-cream as well!”

The two of you walked around the fountain and looked the clown in the eye. Of course, neither of you knew that he was actually Jason Todd in disguise. You smiled cheerfully, “Hello! Can we get 2 medium-sized popcorns and 2 boysenberry ice-creams?”

The clown nodded and took what you requested, all the while Dick watching you carefully. “That’ll be 12 dollars.”

You fished into your purse to take out your card, but Damian beat you to it. “I’ll pay.”

You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have offered.” He said, taking back his card from the clown. He was quiet before eying the clown sceptically. “You sound familiar… have we met before?”

“What? No, no, no, I would have remembered if we had, ho, ho!” Jason chuckled nervously.

Dick kicked his shin, “you’re a clown, not Santa Claus.”

Damian blinked, before shrugging. “Come on, (Y/N), why don’t we eat at those benches?”

“Sure. Have a nice day!” You waved at the clown and the bear before following Damian.

As you walked beside him, you couldn’t help but feel slightly uneasy. “Is it just me, or did it seem like they knew us?”

“You felt it too?” he smirked, lowering his voice. “They’re my brothers.”

Your eyes widened, “Seriously? I bet they were following us. Wait… aren’t most of your brothers adults?”

“Even though they don’t act like it, they are all adults,” he confirmed, “Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, and Tim Drake.”

You nodded before smirking up at him. “Why don’t we play their game?”

He raised an eyebrow but seemed intrigued. “Go on…”

***

Jason and Dick let out the breaths that they were holding, watching you with their youngest brother. Jason huffed, grumbling as he bounced the balloons up and down in his hand. “Damn, I can’t believe Demon-brat found a girlfriend before me. Gah! Can’t we just go home, Dick?”

The older man scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I have it worse than you, remember? I’m burning in this suit. Get ready for deep-fried Dick.”

Jason grimaced, shuddering. “Never say that again.”

“Please don’t,” Tim said through the intercom. “They left the vicinity, correct?”

“I saw them heading into the haunted house,” Dick said thoughtfully. “Do you think he’s using the rollercoaster effect?”

“That only works if there are no feelings to begin with,” Jason grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

“Yeah, and neither of them are scared,” Tim said, indignation in his voice. “Seriously, they’re just making fun of the dumb costumes.”

Before Jason or Dick could respond, Tim let out a shriek. “HOLY GUACAMOLE, I THINK DEMON GOT HIS FIRST KISS!”

“WHAT?!”

***

“Did you think they bought it?” You whispered, pulling the huge teddy bear away from Damian’s face.

The Wayne boy blew some fluff from his face before nodding. “Good thing we’re in a dark room,” he murmured back. “Tim’s watching through the security cameras. I connected their intercoms to my phone. I know exactly what they’re saying.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise before a sly grin was plastered to your face. “Let’s hear it then.”

Walking out of the haunted house, Damian handed you an AirPod and you both listened to the 3 grown men. Before long, both of you burst into fits of laughter as you listened to the immature grown men talk about the most hilarious topics.

“They must really care about you,” you said, a gentle smile on your face. “Either that, or they’re really annoying.”

“It’s always the latter,” Damian rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Leading you to a bench nearby, he quickly changed the topic. “How is the robin you rescued?”

You shrug slightly, “I’m checking tomorrow afternoon. They sent him to the local zoo for rehabilitation. Do you want to come?”

***

You met Damian at exactly 1 o’clock the following day. Right outside of the aviary in Gotham Zoo, it was a strangely warm day for an October afternoon, so you were shifting your weight from 1 foot to the other in anticipation. Of course, the aviary was going to be no better; a lot of the birds they were boarding were from tropical climates. According to the vet and the staff in the zoo, everything was fine and the robin you rescued will be free within a week or 2. Meanwhile, Damian agreed (much to your disdain) that he would pay for the boarding and the hospitalization of the little bird.

You thanked him graciously for the rest of the day, vowing that you would pay him back as soon as you could. It seemed as though you were annoying him as you saw his eyebrow twitch upon multiple occasions. In some ways, Damian found your apologies tiresome and unnecessary. His father was a billionaire; he could board a million of those birds if he wanted to. On the other hand, he found it sweet; you truly weren’t like the other girls he met. Unlike them, you had an appreciation for the money you earned and you didn’t find wasting money to be a small matter.

When you thanked 43rd time you thanked him (yes, he was counting), Damian snapped. “You can thank me by being my girlfriend.”

He didn’t think when he said those words. You didn’t think when you responded to his words. “Okay.”

***

Nevertheless, it was smooth sailing from there. Within a few weeks you found out he was Robin, and you couldn’t help but laugh at the irony from the whole ordeal. Thus, you explained to him exactly what Sakura was telling you a matter of months ago, and he couldn’t help but smile with you.

So here you were, lying beside the youngest Wayne, his arm wrapped loosely around your torso. Within moments his eyes blinked open, revealing his bright green eyes against his sun-kissed skin. You smile at him, to which he responded the gesture.

“What are you thinking about?”

His voice was rough from the drowsiness and you felt a heat rush up to your cheeks. “Us,” you said, snuggling closer to him, “I’m thinking about us.”

**End**

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pvntherz · 4 years

Text

End Of The Future World

A/N: Just character ideas for now, I'm still working on the actual setting and shit. I just want opinions :)

Catherine

In the simplest terms. "God has failed, I can trust no one but myself and must make amends before I leave this hellish place."

Leads a band of futuristic black Amazons that protect minorities and kill cops bc...ACAB

Tall, quiet, and emotionally confused but genuinely means well even if she doesn't show it

Steals most of her stuff from government trucks so it's super high tech equipment paired with a bunch people of colour rejected by society despite their intellectual and physical capabilities? THEY'RE RULING THE WORLD

Found a baby that was very sick and alone in a hospital and took it in because she realized how emotionally empty she was

Will murder over her baby. Like seriously, she's hella attached and taught the smol baby how to fight and protect herself.

The baby is almost always with her and honestly, its existence is a stat boost for her.

Anne

Big brained strip club owner who uses the power of horny to make alliances and/or kill them and take their shit

Owns multiple spots and despite staying underneath the same 3 to 4 spots

Smuggles government shit out of pure spite and money

Ecstasy is literally a club to satisfy every one of the seven deadly sins of the future

She's probably high as fuck but neither you nor her can tell because she's hella smart

Gets confronted by the men she robs blind like every other day

Will steal your rations and call you a bootlicker.

Jane

Tried to stick with H*nry as much as possible but quickly realized "He's trying to kill me…" and then everything starts to fall in place. Every excuse since they first started dating finally begins to make sense to her and she’s no longer able to handle it.

Anyway, she offs Henry and starts to form her own lil badass farm club. They bake bread and make weapons. They're all soft lesbians

A softer and well-needed person on the dying planet they live on.

Has killed two men with a shovel and then continued to plant apple tree seeds

Her group is pretty isolated for the most part and only really leave to trade or get supplies.

They take in small kids and teach them. Jane runs a farm school.

Also randomly takes in sick, old, or injured people. Hospital farm school ig.

Anna

Overworked gun for hire

God someone give her a nap, she's living off coffee and hasn't properly treated her wounds since she started

A bit neutral but also moral guided. Helps the government and then turns around and steals their shipments like it's nothing

"Buy my alliance."

Protects small babies despite having the hardest outer shell on the planet and will eat you if you look at the baby in the wrong way

Has a shitty sleep schedule and literally taught herself to sleep with her eyes open for a tactical advantage.

High tech ninja baby

Katherine

Soft baby roaming around picking flowers in Jane's garden.

Clings to Jane and just kinda..soft baby for nice lady

Kinda too soft for this cruel world she's in

Super human test subject that ran away after the end of the future when she was like 5

Depsite her capabilities, she's a whole ass cry baby and lives off of attention

Weird human alien hybrid and just wants to make babies happy

Tried to work with Anna at first but was too baby and ended up being swapped over to Jane for the safety of herself

Catherine

Lives with Catalina bc Anne's sex club is too much.

Super strong baby lesbian Amazon

Really really strong and no one has any clue as to how or what she is

On a personal mission to figure out what she is and find her potentially dead mom.

Emotionally dumb but also in love 24/7

She's supposed to take over when Aragon and/or Anne kick the bucket but she's busy fucking her way to the top to remember or notice

If aralyn had their own genetic baby. It'd be her.

A/N²: If you guys got any cute ship/family dynamics from this can yall rant about them in my ask box 👉👈😖

#six #six musical #six: the musical #six the musical #six au #six alternate universe #catherine of aragon #anne boleyn #jane seymour #anna of cleves #katherine howard #catherine parr #six headcanon #six head canon #six headcanons #end of the future world au #EOTFW au

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lansizhuis · 5 years

Text

WEILAN FIC REC

It's as the title says - the five times Shen Wei did a horny grip™ because let it be known that while Zhao Yunlan is explicitly shamelessly thirsty, Shen Wei is equally as thirsty but in a more lowkey manner. Oh, and of course, WeiLan as lesbians can't be passed up for this.(gift fic for taki who introduced the weilan lesbian agenda to me!)Hello! I finally had some time (spoiler: I actually didn’t but I can always have time for my dads) to properly make a compilation of WeiLan fanfic recommendations. I included some CN ones bc I absolutely love them to bits and pieces and some WeiLan derivatives bc why not.

Please click the kudos and leave a comment on the authors’ works to thank them and show your appreciation! <3 This will be updated periodically.

bc I’m shameless - imma shove my own weilan fics here

Title: Uhaw Summary: Shen Wei felt a smile on his face despite the seriousness of the situation. “Your loyalty will forever remain divided.” // “My loyalty is with you.” Zhao Yunlan declared. “Always has been, always will be.” [WEILAN MAFIA/GANGSTER AU 1/1] Notes: i was horny for weilan being horny for each other and being a power couple with some plot thrown in the mix im not sorry

Title: Devour Your God Summary: "The beast inside him howls and the inhumane thunderous chanting resounds in the beautiful ghost king. You remember don’t you? The more beautiful the ghost...the more terrifying."

[a look through shen wei's eyes as he goes through kunlun's multiple reincarnations until zhao yunlan; novel-compliant and shen san extra hints but should be spoiler free 1/1] Notes: sometimes we’re also sad in our weilan lives but do know they get their happy ending anyway

Title: Earlier On Summary: Zhao Yunlan starts remembering his life as Kunlun months after he first entered the world and his only clue resides on that creature (because his adult brain is now telling his baby brain that that wasn't a human) robed in white with a golden mask peering down on his crib. Notes: [novel-verse gift fic for orro AKA babey zhao yunlan having adult brain/memories who’s everyone’s source of headache]

Title: Five Times Shen Wei Did A Horny Grip Summary: It's as the title says - the five times Shen Wei did a horny grip™ because let it be known that while Zhao Yunlan is explicitly shamelessly thirsty, Shen Wei is equally as thirsty but in a more lowkey manner. Oh, and of course, WeiLan as lesbians can't be passed up for this. Notes: (gift fic for taki who introduced the weilan lesbian agenda to me!)

Title: Some Things Stay The Same and Some Don't Summary: “Xiao Wei,” Zhao Yunlan called in a serious voice making Shen Wei stiffen in attention, “Your boobs are actually big, aren’t they?” Shen Wei almost slipped from her position at the unexpected - or well, this is Zhao Yunlan so perhaps ‘expected’ should be the term - comment. “Yunlan, honestly!” “No really, it’s bigger than mine.” “Everyone’s bigger than your tiny mangoes, stupid owner.” Da Qing laughed from the kitchen. “I think even Lin Jing and Lao Chu have bigger ones compared to you.” Notes: lesbian!weilans part 2 for emmy featuring the primordial gods, shen wei + mama zhao interaction, and kunlun taking in 2 ghost queens instead of just one

Title: Repercussions of Meddling Summary: “You know what the diviner’s instructions were, right? Gather the hallows and let fate run its course or else there can be dire consequences.” Zhao Yunlan clenched his fist as he recalls Shen Wei’s hardships paralleled with Ye Zun’s loss of sanity, the ghost lovers’ fate in an effort to protect him, the brewing war as the vision the hallows have given him on their deaths, and an ever burning flame on his soul as he watched Shen Wei disappear stay clear.“There can’t be anything more dire than that future.” The two leaders looked at each other meaningfully. “And if the bulk of the repercussions on you twisting the timeline falls on you?” Zhao Yunlan huffed in amusement and flipped his long hair to his back. “If I'm the one who has to pay then so be it.” Notes: aka ye zun is a bad influence to shen wei and add that in for 10,000 years where they're both awake, alive, and together waiting for a certain someone's reappearance in their lives --- THIS CAN GET DARK; drama canon divergence au where zhao yunlan as kunlun ends up saving ye zun in the past and meddling with time

Title: A Path Back Home Summary: The Dixing kingdom's delegation set off for a peace treaty with the kingdom of Haixing as new tides of the world was coming. For some, this was a turning point for the three kingdoms. For Ye Zun and his father, this was a chance to bring back their two other family members home with them. The past retains its stories and secrets, the present shakes the foundations of everyone's belief, and the future is a path back home. (read a/n before reading!) Notes: weilan royalty a/b/o au aka the most self-indulgent fic (it wasn’t supposed to be multi-chap but brain said ‘world building’ and now i suffer)

Title: where everything converges Summary: collection for weilan week prompts - day 1: beginnings (SID+SW meets the youngest primordial god) day 3: au (tgcf au of god!ZYL and ghost king!SW) day 7: anniversary (there will come a day where SW wakes up to the 5,000 years and 1 day of being with ZYL)

Title: in all worlds and in all timelines Summary: collection of weilan prompts (do send some and i’ll see if i can write it!)

Title: The Power of Words Summary: “You have lived for as long as I have and so you must know that words have power. The likes of old sayings and proverbs hold a decree to them the longer it’s passed around from one breathing soul to another. They become entities and binding spells on their own through time.”

“What has that got to do with anything right now? Ghost Slayer, you are already treading a dangerous path with the choices you have made the past months. Do I still need to remind you of this?” the spirit asked.

The black robed creature acted as if he didn’t hear his companion and spoke once more. “I suppose it doesn’t matter right as of this moment,” he crossed his legs and continued, “Let me tell you a story; a secret.” Notes: it was supposed to be a oneshot but my need for novel shen wei characterization bled through so now it’s a 3shot *sigh*

***

Title: 狗在江湖 Notes: this is a mix of novel and drama elements AND it’s a/b/o AND it has 30 chapters so obv i cried

Title: Sweet Dreams Summary: 朱白ABO，架空末世微悬疑。 Notes: okay so it was weird for me at first bc they were using zhubai’s names until i realized they were pertaining to weilan derivative in general AND OKAY LISTEN - the plot??? THE PLOT??? GLORIOUS

Title: 我说所有的酒都不如你 Summary: 这大概是一个东江二哈狼和东江气死猫你追我跑你继续追我假装跑你拼命追我跑不动了的爱情故事（。 Notes: 2Luo aka Luo Fusheng x Luo Fei weilan derivative and this is legit my favorite derivative fic!!! they mixed both dramas and fed me sentinel + guide trope AND THEN WOW PLOT

***

Title: Black Cloak Reversed Summary: Chief Zhao is a little too friendly with the Black-Cloaked Envoy. The members of the SID worry that he's being emotionally disloyal to Professor Shen. Notes: drama; zhao yunlan is a filthy, thirsty man and SID mourns over this fact

Title: my heart broke loose on the wind Summary: If Yunlan is going to learn how to make actual food that requires more effort than just boiling water and putting hot water into stuff, he’s going to have to take all the notes. “Right,” he says to himself. “How hard can it be?” He watches all twenty-two minutes and fourteen seconds of Chef Shen's video without fast-forwarding. When it comes to an end, he clicks on the replay button. He ends up taking zero notes, and the only thing he manages to learn from the whole exercise is that Chef Shen -Shen Wei- is really fucking beautiful when he smiles. Notes: au; alternative summary - ye zun: how thirsty are you for my bro zhao yunlan: thirsty? pls im a paragon of all things holy, i am a kind and generous citizen of the world, i am - ye zun: i can help you get in his pants zhao yunlan: - thirsty af; i am very thirsty

Title: when we reunite, the world will tilt on its axis Summary: Zhao Yunlan tries to figure out how he should approach the matter of young Shen Wei. Notes: drama; babey!shen wei who's so earnest and genuinely in-love ahhh im soft

Title: Wild Thing, Stop Your Teasing Summary: Shen Wei’s eyelid twitch as Yunlan unwraps another lollipop, closes his spit-shiny lips around the spherical head while looking at Shen Wei under dark eyes and thick lashes. Fists clenched on his pant leg, Shen Wei swallows and tamps down the urge to grab Yunlan across the table. Notes: drama; when you think zhao yunlan's thirst has a limit - he goes an open his mouth but hey shen wei's head over heels thousands of years ago already anyway

Title: Tease the Wild Thing Summary: Yunlan's POV from shaenanigans' awesome fic ''Wild Thing, Stop your Teasing''. Yeah, it's the one with the lollipops, and the porn with feels. You know. The Good Stuff. Notes: more weilan smut after the one above?? SIGN ME TF UP

Title: without complexities or pride Summary: “Kunlun Hall’s rules do not apply to you,” Yunlan says simply, moving to steep some tea for Shen Wei. “You are the Black Cloak Envoy. Lord Kunlun holds you in high regard.” “And you hold him in high regard,” Shen Wei adds before he’s able to stop himself. Shen Wei can hear the wretched jealousy in his own voice, and no doubt Yunlan can as well, because Yunlan’s smile turns sly, and his eyes are very knowing when he says, “In a way, I suppose I do.” Notes: (Or, the Not-Exactly-A-Courtesan!Yunlan fic.) >> im crying bc YES

Title: Every ridge hand-picked by the late sun’s slant light Summary: Zhao Yunlan gets up to greet this man, his destiny – who is currently scowling behind his fancy embroidered mask – and smiles as filthily as he can make it. Whatever else they might be to each other, Shen Wei has been taunting him for weeks. Zhao Yunlan is going to take him home and fuck him until he cries and he wants Shen Wei to know that. “Long time, no see,” he says. The Black Cloaked Envoy blanches. Notes: when i say i thirst for weilan papapa where shen wei loses his self control - I MEAN IT

Title: that's where you belong Summary: First of all, how dare Shen Wei. Second of all, Zhao Yunlan has been looking forward to this for like, as long as he's been aware that Shen Wei is an alpha. Third of all -- Notes: im crying bc all i ever wanted was for novel weilan's characterization bc i know their papapa would be the hottest with that and i have been fed with this need and even partnered w/ a/b/o trope /SOBS

Title: Just Cared Too Much Summary: Zhao Yun Lan found out his father was dead while he was pouring concrete down the throat of a backstabbing dickbag. “Chief, I'm sorry, the Boss is gone. Shot to the head, on his way to meet the Russians.” Notes: i was dying to have a mafia au and this appeared THANK YOU; and def one of the other things that pushed me to finish my own mafia au for weilan lol

Title: 家教 - or - Domestic Education Summary: Shen Wei is the Ghost King, born out of the unyielding chaos of entropy that had consumed the underworld before the creation of the wheel of reincarnation. He's the cosmic guardian of death and all her darlings, and the universe through the lens of his eye is rife with demons, hungry ghosts, and shadows creeping out of their places. So there is absolutely no way he is getting sick. Notes: im novel verse trash and we get that PLUS mama!zhao uhh hell yes???

Title: Sarva Summary: Or, 一切. At work, in public, Shen Wei is meticulously, seamlessly polite. In bed, he's something else. Notes: this was the first weilan smut i read AND ALL THE YES BC SHEN WEI LOSING IT FOR ZHAO YUNLAN IS MY KINK

Title: Future Forged Summary: Masquerading as Kunlun, Zhao Yunlan sets out on a mission to recover the stolen Hallows alongside the young Shen Wei. Along the way, he discovers new abilities, forges new bonds, unearths old histories, and learns that the universe goes beyond his wildest imagination. Notes: lol way better take on what happened during that time travel thing than what the drama had

Title: who you allow Summary: But then Zhao Yunlan goes and gets a haircut, and Shen Wei. Pouts. For like three days. Notes: for the record - i, too, believe shen wei will pout bc of this

Title: Significant Other Colour Summary: Collars are so old-fashioned and Zhao Yunlan can’t help but feel that there’s an ulterior motive hiding behind Shen Wei’s innocently widened eyes. Notes: tfw i've tried to bury my needs on acknowledging how shen wei canonically wants to lock up zhao yunlan and then this fic hits me - author pls let me love you (for y'all heed the warnings)

Title: Afterimage Summary: Zhu Yi Long is an awkward turtle. Now he has to deal with letting Shen Wei and Ye Zun go. Notes: okay so im not really into fics on real people but this was done so well? it explores the effects of zhu yilong's method acting and sets straight that zhubai and weilan are not one and the same at the end of the day

Title: Twill Seeker Summary: The young master has a thing for the butler. The butler is at the end of his rope. Notes: if anyone comes after me and my apparent need for butler shen wei and young master zhao yunlan, hide me

Title: When You're Old, You Want To Celebrate Birthdays At Home Summary: Shen Wei comes home to a surprise. Notes: me, wiping a tear: oh look, a ye zun characterization i actually like even if he's mentioned only

Title: do nothing day Summary: “The stress of work is exhausting me and my wife is scolding me now,” Zhao Yunlan pretends to whine, hiding his face in the blankets. “You’ve seen who I work with, those stubborn kids who cause me nothing but trouble. You’re supposed to be on my side, meant to pity me when the world turns against me. I deserve this day off and I reserve the right to do as I please. And if I want to be a slug in the bed then that’s what I’m going to do.” Notes: "It’s so gentle that Shen Wei almost can’t stand it, the way Zhao Yunlan lets him do as he likes, just receiving whatever Shen Wei wants to give him. And there’s so much that Shen Wei wants to lavish onto his Zhao Yunlan." -- dont bother for the ambulance i know im DOA

Title: Heat and Desire Summary: Five times Zhao Yunlan had an oral fixation and one time Shen Wei did something about it. Notes: "You tease me, Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei whispers, his breath tickling against Zhao Yunlan’s ear. "You tease me and you tease me and you seem to think that I won't do anything about it." -- me, choking: IM FINE

Title: Just A Phone Call Away Summary: Chief Zhao gets hurt on a case and nobody wants to be the one to call Professor Shen and tell him.... Notes: SID family + shen wei's first reaction to the call??? sign me up

Title: Never Losing You Summary: Yunlan can't open his eyes, can't shut his mouth. Needy, keening noises pour out of his throat completely out of his control. Shen Wei's closed fist is around him, pumping fast and tight in rhythm to his fucking, making him see stars exploding behind closed eyelids, thoroughly engulfed by the incredible sensations racketing up and down his spine originating from where they're so deliciously joined. Shen Wei's other hand cradles his jaw, careful, reverent, but also serves to ground Yunlan to the bed so Shen Wei can fuck him harder, deeper. Notes: i can never have enough weilan papapa bc if canon doesn't give me the explicit juicy details then im turning to fic writers with metaphorical gold payment

Title: third time's the charm Summary: “I’m what Da Qing likes to describe as ‘especially tenacious’ when I’m in heat, even more so when I have a specific Alpha in mind,” Yunlan tells him, casual. (Or, three times Shen Wei helps Zhao Yunlan through his heat.) Notes: me, looking through the window with a faraway look: a/b/o universe makes me weak even if it's not even explicit

Title: this secret language that we speak Summary: "If you don't want to do this any more," says Shen Wei, "you get off the couch, and we'll do whatever you want. Do you understand?" Zhao Yunlan is so hot he thinks he's going to light the couch on fire. He swallows and nods."I didn't hear you," says Shen Wei, implacable as death. "Do you understand?" Zhao Yunlan has to clear his throat, and when he manages to speak, his voice is gravelled with arousal. "Yeah. I do." "Good," says Shen Wei. Notes: i cried 69 times bc my horny ass is fed and jfc domineering shen wei??? *cries for the 70th time*

Title: Shen Wei Summary: Shen Wei loves Zhao Yunlan, and there is only so long he can feign otherwise. Notes: [Zhao Yunlan gives a small shrug, uninvested in the argument. “All right. And where do you belong?” Shen Wei freezes, flashes of memory assaulting him, of Kunlun’s skin hot against his, of promises moaned against each other’s necks. Inside you is all he can think.] BINCH I DIED AT THIS PART

Title: Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This Summary: Zhao Yunlan jerks back to the waking world gasping and screaming and drowning in the anguish that comes with being lit on eternal consuming fire. The unmistakable rich copper taste of blood fills his mouth and he opens tear-filled bloodshot eyes that he was sure melted a long time ago with the rest of his physical body. He sees faces crowding around him in varying degrees of worry, but the pain blinds him from putting names to the faces. His throat feels raw, as if he'd been screaming for centuries and realizes on the next breath that he's been screaming a name. Shen Wei's name. Notes: drama-verse but a hopeful one TYL im here for the whole the last episode didn’t happen bc we can use the plot that the drama threw away lol

Title: Aftermath Summary: The fallout after the dust has settled. Notes: a look on what happened after the 4th extra in the novel; s o f t

Title: The world that we'll invent Summary: Shen Wei's self-control continues to be tested. Notes: [Nothing in Shen Wei's long existence has prepared him for the problem that is Zhao Yunlan.] >> honestly this is the summary of weilan in general

Title: Quiet Heart, Hollow Body Summary: It has been ten thousand years since Shen Wei met Kunlun, but he could never forget the one who first saw beyond the mask of the Black Cloaked Envoy to the person beneath. Notes: im novel bias for so many reasons but this was absolutely amazing as a drama setting bc it /is/ closer to the novel setting bc shen wei was actually awake those 10,000 years so that desperation and intensity of novel!sw is closer here - really great read

last updated: March 2, 2020

#weilan #shen wei #zhao yunlan #zhenhun #镇魂 #guardian #zhinfo

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toldumpurple · 7 years

Link

by crazychase

Celebrating the Soon to be completion of my novel! Here are the First Two Chapters! Enjoy and Look forward to Seeing A Kickstarter For first publishing and Editing! It will have some pretty cool rewards to go with it!

Prologue

The Date is 7165 AD or it would be if AD/BC was used anymore.

Welcome to the capital of the Global Peace and Science Treat Organisation aka GPSTO, Kondinumim, or Kondi as locals like to call it. Ever since the GPSTO took over the planet 1220 years ago the scientific development of the world has been strictly limited and monitored. The organisation’s eyes and ears were everywhere. Their enforcers are as strict as they are brutal and did not show leniency on even the smallest of offences toward the endless rules imposed by the GPSTO. The True Date according to the new system is 1221 GSR Imposed by the GPSTO standing for the date since their Global Scientific Reform.

The Global Scientific reform was a brutal era not unlike the records of the WW2 Holocaust where the organisation set up “re-education camps” sending almost 30 percent of the population being sent and never to be heard of again. The rest of the population was put under a dictatorship like reign of this faceless organisation under the premise of global peace. The Surviving population have silicon biotags that are needed for the simplest of tasks like walking down the street for exercise. These are known as Bio-Silicon Personal ID Pass, the SPIP. Even with all this security and force however there still is and always will be the Black market and shady dealers exploiting the system and evading the authorities.

After all… This is Human nature.

Five Years ago a mysterious Research publication by an unknown writer appeared on an open source mechanical engineering website. It was only online for 2 hours before the paper and the company vanished entirely without a trace. The paper has sparked a widespread urban myth about its existence though word of mouth as any mention of it within the network disappears. The Contents of the paper? The Complete mapped out pathways of the human brain, the theory of creating artificial consciousness, and how to replicate the human brain using bio-silicon and optic fibre components. One last copy of the paper remains. Printed and held by a young Mechanical engineer called Zeke Crassus who has every intention to try out the design.

Chapter 1: Sweet Beginnings

*CLICK*

An old video camera whirred to life and begins to record a young man in his mid-twenties sitting on an old metal stool in an engineering workshop. His hair messy but off his face almost teased up, face dirty from work in the garage. His bright green eyes highlighted by the deep blue work outfit he was wearing.

He takes a deep breath and starts to speak.

“Hi my Name Is Zeke Crassus, 26, mechanical engineer. For the last year I have been working on and fabricating parts for project Eden.

So here is the quick rundown on progress so far.

The torso head and first part of the limbs have been constructed and assembled using a special non- magnetic titanium alloy composite covered in porcelain to make the endoskeleton. The porcelain surface allows the attachment of the synthetic muscles by my design using glues and resins strong and flexible enough to prevent it from tearing away from the endoskeleton while generating enough force to move quicker than biological humans. Since any Idea of this concept or RND is considered Illegal by the GPSTO it is essential that by all regards that the finished product will appear to any one undergoing tests that project Eden is indeed human. Of course some alterations will have to be made so biological test will be evaded but this will not be too hard to overcome with the utilisation of a few medical advancements. For power GPSTO’s new eco power generation technology is going to be used which utilises Bacterial Symbiosis to break down food into electrical energy. This will create a more human feel allowing it to eat as a human would and go undetected. Specifically simple sugars will be needed to generate power and so biofilm coated silicon pouches that will excrete substance similar to salvia in humans accepting a larger range in diet.”

Zeke Pauses and rubs his eyes for a moment displaying signs of fatigue. He stands up beginning to pace as he continues his description of the project.

“However I digress as I have talked about a lot of this on a prior video diary. The Artificial brain is constructed as the paper specified but I am yet to get a response to show it is operational. Utilising the synthetic silicon heart technology from the medical field as a hydraulic pump I have managed to get the synaptic fluid to flow as intended relocating energy to the power generation areas and resupplying and supporting the symbionts according to isolated test results. The Muscle structure and silicon polymer skin has successfully mimicked natural form and project finally looks humanoid and not like some ancient sci-fi villain. Face and eyes have been fitted and the project has taken on a cute appearance which was an unintentional result. If the project identifies as male I may have to alter face structure and eye colour as purple would not come across as a male’s choice within the designer eye community. A Silicon keratin polymer has been created as hair which looks and feels like real hair however I have not figured out how to change its colour from silver yet. A test will be performed to see if a Dye can be used on the fibres as they are porous. Finally the project has had internet protocols enabled allowing downloading language and behavioural parameters after I enable the voice protocols from the workshops secure intranet.”

Zeke lets out a large sigh walking toward a large surgical style work bench and removes the sheet form the project.

There lay a humanoid figure with only a head, upper arms and thighs attached to the torso The Synthetic muscle was exposed on the entirety of the body with the exception of the face where the silicon skin was attached covering the multitude of small synthetic muscles needed for complex face movement

Zeke looks over the frame silently for a moment.

He begins to think to himself, “It’s Incredible that I have manage to build this much so far and avoid arousing suspicion or be caught yet,’ as he ponders whether it is fine for him to continue to the next stage of the experiment. In an attempt to motivate himself he states out loud as he flicks the power up switch to on, “It’s too late now to back away! You must finish this beautiful thing, Zeke!”

The project sits up and looks around the room from its position on the bench.

“Good”, Zeke stated, “at least we haven’t gone backwards from the last 93 tests.”

He starts to walk toward a laptop station connected to the power equipment thinking out loud, “Now just to activate voice and download the protocols from the intranet to see if that brain has started up yet.”

As he approaches the computer a sweet musical voice calls out from behind him, “Hey Zeke, you don’t have to do that.”

Frightened at the sudden voice Zeke Panics and spins around looking for the source of the mysterious voice calling out, “Who is there? How did you get into my show?! It’s after hours and we are closed!”

The mysterious voice pipes up again and says, “but I have always been here… you are the one who put me here and I cannot move for myself properly yet!”

Zeke dumbfounded and shocked looks toward the bench to see the project with a quizzical look on its face.

“Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-you can talk?!” Zeke stammered out. “But I haven’t activated any of your systems! How is this possible?! None of my other tests worked or even got a response!” Zeke exclaimed both shocked and excited.

“Well, I can turn on my own systems thank you but as for why I am talking now and not before…” project Eden stated trailing off then with a bashful full tone said, “I guess this is the first time you called me beautiful.”

Dumbfounded, Zeke froze mouth gaped.

“You mean you made me believe that you were defective 93 times just because I hadn’t complimented you yet?!” Zeke Exclaimed frustrated

“Please don’t yell at me”, Project Eden Said as it cowered as if waiting to be hit,” I just thought you were mad cause you always used rude words when working on me and well…”

“Well what is it?” Zeke inquired.

“Well, I thought if I talked you would stop spending so much time with me and I was lonely.” Project Eden said embarrassed.

Zeke let out a large sigh regaining his composure and warming up to this new development.

He moves closer to the bench turning off the still recording camera and grabbing his metal stool and approached the bench where project Eden was still sitting looking quite worried.

“So, look.” Zeke started as he sat down on the stool looking up at the cute worried face and stunning purple eyes, “I am sorry about all that, you surprised me and I didn’t know you were conscious, could hear me, or even were working at all. I was frustrated. Will you forgive me?” Zeke asked apologetically. While thinking, “I cannot believe I am apologising to my experiment!”

“Well you are forgiven”, Project Eden replied, ‘ Oh, and before I go back to sleep because I am fatigued, you can go ahead and finish putting me together as it is improper to leave a girl like this, I think I better introduce myself!”

“W-W-W-What?!” Zeke exclaimed, “Your name is Eden like Adam and Eve Eden! Cause you could have been male or fem…”

“God No!” She stated loudly cutting him off, “That is a horrible name! Where the hell did you get that from? You may be a genius but you are terrible with names!”

“WELL…. what shall you have me call you ‘The Mighty naming Princess of names’?!” Zeke replies with all the sass he can muster.

She lets out a cute and sweet toned giggle, turns toward him to look directly into his eyes and pulling the biggest smile Zeke had ever seen and proceeds to introduce herself.

“My name will be Arinel Rose and for when we are alone you can call me Ari!”

Zeke just sits there speechless at the sight that just befell him. His creation telling him off, showing varied emotions and even deciding on her own name and gender without any of his input codes.

“Good night Zeke, I look forward to getting my hair and the rest of my body assembled too, so I can move around and spend more time with you. It was lovely to finally start talking to you! I have been quite lonely.” Arinel states as she begins to lay down and take on the appearance of going to sleep.

Zeke replies as he begins to turn off all the equipment except Arinel’s maintenance power, “It was lovely to talk to you, the pleasure was all mine….

Ari….”

Chapter 2: In all the Time Gone By

Two weeks has passed since the day that Zeke spoke to Arinel. In those days Zeke never left his workshop, eating and sleeping within the shop to spend every waking minute that he was not doing commission work getting Arinel to completion. He had prepared a hospital gown for her feeling bad that she was unclothed and probably conscious. Once touch and heat sense was connected to the artificial skin he also got an extra pillow for her wondering if she was uncomfortable and every day he would talk to her about what he was doing, about himself, and the city that they live in. Arinel, unfortunately due to lack of operational power did not or could not reply to Zeke’s conversations.

In spite of this Zeke found that talking to this pretty and peaceful face laying on his bench very soothing. He found himself watching his language around her with the knowledge from his last conversation with her that she can more than likely hear him. Zeke found himself smiling more and more than he had in a long time while working to complete this cute, bright and bubbly mystery that he had found.

Today is August 13th of the Year 1221 GSR and in spite of all the exciting things that has happened to him over the last few weeks Zeke was very melancholy. He sat on his metal stool in his workshop unwilling to move, listening to the hum of the BIO Works Sili-synth generating Arinel’s synthetic skin over the sensory frame. Zeke realised that he should be fine tuning Arinel’s muscle microcomputers in her outer limbs or tweaking the heat/touch sensory system however he could not help but to just sit there silently staring at the plain concrete floor unable to move. He lifts his head and looks around his workshop from his stool and has a sudden feeling of emptiness. There are no voices, No people, and no one to be there for him. Zeke was alone. He was always alone.

It has been this way for him for the last five years.

Zeke turns his gaze to the almost complete Arinel laying on the bench looking at the peaceful and pleasant expression that she always has on that cute face now adorned by her pure silver hair.

“Ari…” Zeke manages to blurt in a squeaky and broken voice as if trying to clear his throat, Hold back tears and talk at the same time.

“I want to tell you a story…. A story that no one has heard roll from my lips because I have no one to tell. This Story is from 5 years ago.” Zeke said as he pulled his stool closer to the Bench that Arinel lay.

“I know you cannot respond and tell me to stop due to currently lack of power to initialise your voice function systems but I am going to need to tell you anyway because this is important to me and this day to this memory.” Zeke trailed off pausing for a moment as if waiting for her to respond before taking a deep breath in and out before continuing to speak.

“You see this place used to be a lot more lively than it is now… three times as much to be exact.” Zeke let out a large sigh and attempted to quickly stretch his back.”

“Five years ago I used to have a mother and father who ran this place and built it from the ground up. Dad was a doctor and specialised fixing people’s bodies with science and medicine while mum was the engineer who took on all the problems that dad could not handle or fix entirely like missing limbs and deformity correction. They were the perfect team and the city loved them. It wasn’t long before they had this place and all the equipment payed off. I have left out one important member of this team that came a bit later. My little sister, Anastasia Isabell Crassus… My adorable, ‘Stasha’… I adored her and the world has never seen or probably ever will see a Bio-silicon Skin Designer. In the skin being constructed for you was her last ‘gift’ to me if you could call it a gift. I found the design it on my desk under all the paperwork 4 years ago with a note saying, ‘I think this is my best yet! You cannot tell it apart from real Skin! Love you Big Bro!’ I almost threw it away but decided to keep it instead. I didn’t have any interest in the shop before this day five years ago, I just wanted to go out into the city and find more classic shows to add to my collection from the ancient times. I wanted to be a historian back then and have nothing to do with the shop, medicine, or bio-engineering at all but they made me help out at the shop anyway and I was good at it. I hated it, all I wanted to do was leave and get away from everyone and everything but looking back that time spent with them, is the best memories that I have.”

Zeke Paused and stood up stretching again and begun to pace around the shop.

“We made synthetic muscles, Limbs and even organs to assist anyone who may walk through the doors of the building or submit a request or problems. We constantly pushed the boundaries of the field into the future benefiting everyone with the technology we created in this very room. Mum and Dad’s revolutionary designs went out into the community and medical fields saving thousands of lives.”

“Or they used to …” Zeke said stopping abruptly in the middle of the room and proceeds to sit on the workshop’s concrete floor.

“You see, Ari… on this day five years ago,” Zeke’s voice began to crack and break as he spoke and he put his face in his hands, “They died, leaving me all along without a single word of goodbye. That morning I woke up to an empty shop. No Cute and bubbly little sister. No kind and caring Mother. No Honest and hardworking Father. I thought that they must have gone shopping for some parts but usually they could just use the ordering service and not have to leave the shop. I stupidly did not even question it or wonder why they had left. I wish that they had woke me before they left even if it was to hear the words ‘I Love you, big brother’ or ‘I love you, son’ come from my little sister or mother’s lips for one last time.”

Zeke paused for a moment from his monologue and stared at the ceiling before moving back to his stool next to Arinel as if he could not get comfortable.

“Then later that day just when I was starting to wonder why they were still out… I-I-I got a call. It was the authorities from the lower districts. They had discovered a body and they wanted me to come down. In our work that happened a lot to identify people by the alterations done to them such as artificial legs or eyes so I was not prepared for what I found when I arrived. My dear little sister and mother…”

Zeke stopped unable to continue and wept for a short time.

Once Zeke had regained some composure he began again, “It was my Dear little sister and mother. Broken. Dismembered. Partially burned beyond recognition and shot in several places each… I threw up at the site and to this day the thought of it makes me want to vomit. There are nights I still cannot sleep from seeing their faces burned into my mind. “

Zeke took a deep breath and realised he was trembling. He took a few more deep breaths in order to calm himself and then continued.

“The authorities instead of letting me adjust slapped handcuffs on me and lead me away to a questioning room where they questioned me in a way that made it sound that they believed I was the obvious culprit. The Best I could do was tell them the truth of what I knew between tears. They asked me about my father and if I hid the body. Once they realised and confirmed that I was home all day they told me that they found enough blood belonging to my father at the scene to indicate that he would be dead and were expecting the his body to turn up. It never did. To this day I do not know what became of my father. Ever since then I have worked to keep this store open and working in order to keep their memory alive. I kept the doors locked and shut, only taking orders through the ordering service. I don’t even know if the doors even open anymore and yours was the first voice I have heard since then.”

*DING* a machine chimed within the room startling Zeke lost within his own story.

Caught off guard by the sound he jumped from his seat looking to see where the sound came from, to realise the skin-synth had sounded and was complete ready to attach.

“Well that is perfect timing”, Zeke muttered, “I had just finished my tale anyway. Time to apply the rest of your skin, Arinel.” As he finished saying her name he glanced at her face to see the glistening surface of tears flowing from her closed eyes and a sorrowful expression twisted onto her face.

Zeke feeling surprised and upset with himself then spoke a deep apology saying, “Arinel, I am so sorry for making you listen to that. When I get your skin on, I will power you up again with the main generator so I can apologise properly so please wait till then.”

Zeke retrieves the skin from the Sili-Synth and applies it to her frame connecting all the heat and touch sensors carefully to the micro receptor frames built into the new skin and adds the gel based filler to provide shape, and create a natural body look and feel. Lastly he grabs the hospital gown that he had removed to apply the skin to cover her naked body then flicks the main power switch to the main power generator causing it to whir to life. Arinel’s eyes snap open immediately. She suddenly sits up and swings her arm slapping Zeke square in the face with the palm of her hand.

“ZEKE YOU IDIOT!” She yells at him visibly upset and cheeks still wet with tears. “You do not need to apologise for sharing your heartache with me!”

Zeke lowered his head ashamed. Suddenly he feels arm reach around him quickly and gets pulled in close softly.

“I was Sad you see, Zeke.” Spoke Arinel in her sweet soothing voice, “I was sad because you have been suffering all this time and I was not able to hug you and tell you it will be ok now and that you can rely on me from now on, ok?”

Zeke Nodded softly. He stood there still for a moment before attempting to pull away from the grip that has seized him unsure how to react but as he does Arinel pull him closer. Zeke surrenders into Arinel’s embrace and slides his arms around her as well pulling her closer into his chest. As he does he realises that she feels warm and soft and cannot help but ignore that just a bit earlier in the day she looked and felt like any of his machines and models within the shop but now she felt like any girl you would meet on the street.

She was beautiful, Cute, Warm, Soft, and comforting and while he held her he felt so comforted that he wished he could stay like this forever.

After a minute or so Arinel spoke up again, “So are you feeling a little better yet, Zeke? I don’t wanna see that sad look on your face again.” Zeke and Arinel separate from their embrace. He stares into Arinel’s glistening purple eyes and says to her,” As long as I never have to see you cry like that again.”

Arinel pulls a big smile wipes the remainder of her tears from her face with the sleeve of her gown.

“Of Course Zeke! Let’s do our best ok?” She says with a shining smile.

Zeke replies with the biggest smile he can muster and says, “Yes, Let’s.”

“I am glad you finally connected and turned the generator on so we could talk together again!” Arinel Said Joyfully. “Although I enjoyed listening to you talk to me every day and all the time you spent with me. It has been lovely hearing you talk to me even though I could not respond. You need to solve this power issue soon…”

“Oh!” Zeke Exclaimed remembering something, “that’s right to start generating power you need to start eating to get the power systems operational!”

“WHAT!” Arinel replied shocked, “You mean I could have just been eating the last few weeks and we would have been able to talk properly?!”

“Well…” Zeke trailed off, “I guess you could have but I hadn’t initialised any of the systems for tha…”

“DONE!” Arinel Chirped happily cutting him off.

“Ah… ok…” Zeke replied in a questioning tone then continued, “Just wait here a second.”

Zeke quickly jogs to his desk, opens a drawer and retrieves something from one of its trays before returning.

“This is a chocolate power bar, eat this and tomorrow you should have no problems getting around without a generator.” Zeke Explains handing her the packaged bar.

Arinel takes the bar, removing the brightly coloured packaging and begins to eat the contents.

Her Eyes Light up upon the first bite and with a half full mouth she call out, “Zeke! This is delicious! I love it!”

Zeke lets out a hearty laugh and responds saying, “I had a feeling you would like it!”

Suddenly feelings overly tired Zeke then comments,” Ari, I am going to leave the power generator on tonight so all your power systems initialise correctly but I have been up for 48 hours straight making sure your legs and arms would work properly so I am going to try get some rest…”

“Ok sleep well, Zeke!” Arinel pipes, “I will try to rest too so I can spend more time with you tomorrow!”

Well see you then…. Ari,” Zeke said walking toward the living quarters.

“See you then, Zeke! I look forward to it!” Arinel Calls out excitedly as he walks away.

*The Next Morning*

Zeke walks out of his sleeping quarters into the garage in a sleepy daze. He lets out a large yawn as he stretches.

“Morning Zeke!” a happy voice calls out.

Zeke rubs his eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of his eyes so he can focus his eyes on the source of the voice. Once his eyes adjust to the bright morning light piercing through the sky lights he sees Arinel on the concrete floor to the shop in a w-sitting position with several dozen empty power bar wrappers strewn around her, remnants of chocolate smeared on her face and her silver hair sparkling in the morning light appearing almost amber I some parts.

Zeke was momentarily stunned by the oddly cute scene playing before his eyes.

“Uh… Good morning, Arinel. How are you feeling?” Zeke enquired.

“Zeke’s Girlfriend, Ari-Chan, Feeling better than ever!” Arinel calls out throwing her right arm into the air causing a power bar wrapper to get caught in the gust and float around like confetti.

Zeke Falls over shocked at what he just heard, “W-w-w-w-w-w-w-what are you talking about Arinel?! I don’t have a girlfriend!” Zeke Calls out embarrassed.

Arinel pulls a cute and soft grin at Zeke and states to him with a sweet tone, “Good, Well you do now!”

Zeke Sits up from his position on the floor, crosses his legs and begins to rub his eyes. “What the hell have I gotten myself into…” he thinks quietly to himself.

“Zeke, I want another chocolate bar! Can I have one? There is no more in the drawer…” Arinel asks sweetly tilting her head to the side as she asks.

Zeke mutters to himself as he attempts to get up, “It’s way too early for this… I need coffee…”

#The Crazy Chase #My novel #Synthetic Soul #Chapters 1 and 2 #Arinel Rose #Zeke Crassus #long post

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youseriousjayse · 7 years

Text

TFW when you realise that you not only don’t recognise emotions properly, but you also don’t categorise them properly. And then you realise that after years of never understanding if you just really like someone’s friendship or are romantically interested in them you kinda sort that out by just deciding to ignore everything that’s not a burning slap in the face.

And then you realise why going out and seeing a show or loud music can turn you on but actual sex is your respite, not because you get off but because you concentrate so much on the other person that you forget yourself. Suddenly it’s connecting that your brain does not interpret dopamine correctly, every good feeling is the same good to you. Throughout the past year you’ve been toying with the idea that music is like a drug to you. Maybe not a drug, but it releases dopamine and makes you feel Good doesn’t it? Makes you feel emotion more clearly, even if it’s sadness at a happy song, or more complex emotions you can still categorise them properly when it’s music. Without it you are removed, you forget about yourself and become a calculating brain. That is all. When you sit there and it’s dawning on you that music, when it’s enveloping you like this is the only things that makes you feel this full content the only thing besides your ex, that is, and makes your diaphragm feel like it’s filled with champagne bubbles. It can make you smile uncontrollably or make you cry in a beautiful way. Because you even send yourself mixed messages with that. Why do you find your own sadness so pretty and fixating? Your own heart breaking fascinates you to a point where you do it again and again just to watch. That’s what’s wrong with you not understanding and correctly categorising your emotions. You don’t feel them. Oh, you do in a way, and sometimes it takes over your whole body with pain or panic, but no matter how trivial, you’re always sitting back cooly calculating and watching your own emotions. Humans are hard for you (actually any animal is) because things aren’t natural for you. No. You always have too much time and are overly aware of the situations around you and the possible repercussions. It always seems odd because you never know how to react to things. There is very very rarely just a knee jerk reaction. You observe all the things you aren’t meant to or that are unproductive, but fail to observe things of use and value. These things that you see, as our brains are apt to do you assume that everyone else must have noticed it and noticed you noticing it, make you feel awkward because you don’t know how to react to them and you feel like you’re lying by pretending you didn’t notice. You are a mess. Too emotional and too calculating in your emotions. Not that you can control them…just, you shouldn’t be able to calmly watch them from an outside perspective as well and realise that there is no point to them and analyse yourself so closely that you realise your ‘you’ that you’ve been watching emote is no longer doing so bc all of you is so absorbed in this observing and analysing.

I often wonder if I’m some sort of psychopath or sociopath. They are two different things, you know. I understand bad and good, but I also really don’t. It’s not that I don’t understand /why/ things are considered bad or good, it’s just that….I don’t know it doesn’t really feel that significant to me. I follow these prescriptive rules, but it often seems to odd. Like if someone told you “If you don’t have enough sex you’re a bad person” or “you will be punished by your parents and society, and when you get older be arrested by the police force, if anyone finds out that you clean your counters. You just shouldn’t do it.” Again, I understand the clear differences between these examples and real societal rules, but they still sometimes feel very similar.

It is odd though, I don’t really like or deal well with or understand humans that well, and often other animals are similar, but I have a strange want to be good. Not really seen as good or do things that are necessarily the epitome of societal good, but I want to make people happy. And not in a cheap way through lies or illusion of happiness. I like to make people and other animals’ lives better. I want them to be safe and happy and fulfilled. Unfortunately there are flaws with this as well. Namely that I do not appear to be very good at it. Also the fact that it is incredibly hard for me to feel that way towards those I have not had significant meaningful contact with (which has a very flexible definition with me). And it is Very easy for me to sit coldly looking at myself and see that that makes no sense because in the end it makes no difference. (I’ll spare you the logic on that one since although nobody reads my stuff they could somehow and I don’t want to accidentally validate someone’s decision for suicide. I’ve found I have a bad habit of doing that). And quite honestly, other than it not making a difference, it would be effort from me. Effort which I am not sure is going to actually do anything and I maybe never will know. I am economical past a fault. I am aware, but that can’t stop me from sitting behind myself and looking on. The only time this abandons me is when I’m going to do something kind of (or really) fucked up and stupid – but really it doesn’t abandon me then, it whispers in my ears insidiously that you know you shouldn’t, but really that seems so silly. It validates me to myself. It is powerful though, that cold me that sits back there. Sometimes it even addles my brain and I don’t notice it’s doing so. It changes solid facts in front of me to make its solutions work and I only think Oh that seems so obvious now. Of course it always backfires heinously and it’s like a spell being broken and I don’t understand how I could have possibly calculated it that way because that clearly makes no sense and I’d even seen that it didn’t make sense before.

TL;DR I am a wreck of a being.

#cw: mental illness #cw: mentions of sex #rambling

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in-paradox-space · 5 years

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That dream keeps coming back to me.

Everything I do, I think of it.

I was in an evening class that I’m taking this year. I was late at usual, I always miss education. I don’t show up half the time. So I had to write down and retain every single thing that was being said.

I have to catch up from what is implied in the context. I also have to work to compensate for what I’ll miss in my next absent lesson.

Quickly jotting down and scribbling. In pencil. It’s messy. Watching the teachers movements, she didn’t want us to write at that point but I had to retain it.

This girl next to me, she was crying. I must’ve known for a while but it’s all hazy.

Fat girl, same age, wearing a white shirt. Kind of like a school shirt.

I didn’t even process the fact that she was fat in the dream. Maybe the subconscious of my subconscious picked it up but I wasn’t acknowledging it for a second.

I knew I had just 5 minutes to quickly write everything I had to and more until the lesson began properly. Comprehending it and shortening to keywords, underlining the pieces that I’d need to learn later.

I knew she was crying. She was at my right side, next to me. She was on the end of the long extension of 2 person table/desks. Typical white classroom, those curved, hard plastic chairs. It’s like a white, hard, wooden/plastic table with that little pebble-dashed pale grey pattern on it. The window was to the right, behind her. It lead onto a kind of road, in my dream the room for the classroom was in an industrial area but that’s just how it goes.

That’s just how it goes.

So, I knew I needed to do my work. I also knew it was my duty to try to make sure she’s alright.

I ignored her for about a minute, tried to prioritize what I wrote. I was thinking, I’ll speak to her afterwards.

The classroom kept going on, I felt guilty, sort of conscious that other people may notice that I’m just ignoring this girl who is in tears, in tatters.

I glanced at her to assess the situation.

White shirt collar, open kind of wide in a comfortable, unrestricted manner. She had some bits of pink fleece and grey kind of high school jumper material, mixed together in dream fog. I don’t know if I saw her with a white shirt on because it’s an association from high school or if that’s just what her style is like.

She had lightish brown hair, the kind that looks like a matte, disheveled grey. It’s not technically grey, it’s brown. Not like old grey. I would tell everyone that their hair is grey - when I was younger - because to me it only looks like grey. If you put them next to someone with brown hair they look different. They didn’t like it when I said their hair looks grey. They said it’s brown; that baffled me. I didn’t understand why nobody acknowledged it

but yeah, in that sunlight it looked grey; a little greasy and sort of held back in a bobble.

She was absolutely balling her eyes out. Folder and papers on a desk, her face is slipping in and out of her hand, bottom lip opening and closing in the air to make way for the sound of her incessant crying.

I knew I couldn’t ignore it, but I went back to writing it down. My undereyes kept tensing, it was maybe painful. Knowing that I’m actively ignoring her while I hear her cries meshing in to the humdrum of the classroom.

I dropped my pen onto the desk; I couldn’t ignore it. I asked her what’s up? She kept on crying. Normally I wouldn’t do this but it was a dream, I put my arm around her, let her know she’s not alone through human contact. I asked “what’s wrong? Are you okay?” (something like that) my arm resting into the light squishiness of her back, hand growing warmer on her shoulder. She couldn’t really get the words out, ‘its just’, still sobbing and hiding her face. I was telling her its ok, trying to comfort her. My chair was touching hers, I was embracing her from my side.

So she told me something like: ‘your writing. It’s so perfect. The grammar. There’s not a single problem with your grammar, how is it so flawless. You know just what to write, you’re so smart’. My handwriting was a total mess. It was like a bomb hit the page. Like I was writing it on a bus. Just some keywords, messy underlinings and a couple of quick half-sentences. There was hardly any grammar there. I think she was referring to the Korean writing though (it’s a Korean class I go to at uni once a week). I’m a fresh beginner. I had a tiny bit of practice from home, like 2 months of here and there home studying before the course. It’s a little more familiar to me than most of the others and I’ve picked up on that.

I don’t exactly know what she was implying, but I was embracing her to the point where it was basically 1/3 of a hug. I do think, however, she was implying she’s absolutely terrible at it and that was the reason she was crying. She must have had very low self esteem and felt more insecure and hopeless that she wasn’t picking it up that easily. Now that I think of it, she reminds a little of, my older sister, just a bit, a girl called Catherine I used to go to college with, who liked Minecraft lets plays, FNAF and was quite autistic. She struggled with studies and had super low self esteem. She could work untold wonders with a passion and uniquely shaped mind like hers though.

well, I was taken aback by that. I wasn’t sure what to say, ‘uh no it isn’t.’ ‘yours is a lot better’, I know nothing about her so I cant say that. I didnt know how to ask if thats the problem, I was thinking what to say. I couldnt use icebreaker questions and small talk because it was an awful time for it. She was devastated, I was slightly wondering if she went through something awful recently. It seems like her perception was telling her she had no use in the world.

I was looking at my book, at my desk, attention divided towards her, wondering what my next move would be. I was trying to comfort her, but failing. She was going into panic mode, gasping on her tears, she pulled out some herbal supplements from her bag. I recognized the bottle as Nature’s Best, I thought they was 5-htp which I bought. People use them for depression and anxiety because they turn into serotonin. It was something else, the tablet was a see-through grey like cod liver oil pods but not orange. She drank it or put it into some cereal looking travel mug container idek its a blur whatever. It was a response to her attack, it seemed, anyway.

I thought great, that’s something we can bond on in order to get talking. I was like hey, I use supplements from them too. Natures Best, right? She got her red bag and said I’m sorry, wiping away her tears, she swiftly walked out of the door behind us, down the classroom. Then left, with her pinkish smoky coloured fleecy top. Walking and jogging slowly into the empty road, grey skies, damp from previous rainfall, in the industrial zone. The ones where there’s still houses and buildings to rent but the view is just of grey spiky fences and overgrown abandoned lots.

I was going to chase her, I looked at the teacher, asked if I could go. She looked frustrated said no. dont go. I decided teacher knows best and it’d be foolish not to listen to her.

looking back, I think the girl was a metaphor for my sister, or all the girls I’ve hurt. Hurt with my ignorance, with, idk just how I am. Maybe because I try so hard to look good and impress people, so I dont feel embarrassed or ashamed of myself or whatever, it works. Maybe they believe I’m actually as amazing as i try to seem and that makes them inferior. Maybe I don’t notice because im just trying to make sure I dont come off as sleazy, maybe i dont notice how they actually feel bc im just thinking of myself. I’ve also been fairly abusive to my sister as well. She was on the chubby side, kind of looked like that in school, cried a lot. I mean, I had my reasons for being that way, she was hard to live with but, if we actually need to blame anyone which we dont, my mother should have resolved the issues we all had with each other. Now, they’ve lived on into adulthood and we have to assume how to fix them ourselves.

or, when I’m asleep at that time, my baby nephew, one and a half, is always crying and crying AND SCREAMING AND SOBBING AND EXCLAIMING A CRYING SCREAM OF DREAD, ANGUISH, PAIN AND SUFFERING. It’s Hellish. I was at a friends house, sleeping in a comfy, cozy, quiet bed away from any noise. There was no babies crying but, every single morning without dread, I hear him screaming and howling like a jackal. So when I’m in that deep sleep state of mind, the pathways of my brain must now be wired to accommodate for the tormented squealing of his tire-screeching wails.

So, idk, there was crying, in my subcionscious and it was associated with my sister. Associated with idk, chubby girls with brown hair, who i probably see as struggling with mental tasks such as academia. Whether they lack the knowledge and capabalities or not, they certainly lack the mindset, the self belief and perseverance to keep trying... which in turn yields the same result as being incapable, if not to them then to their perception of self and world. . So, she was crying, and I think it’s a metaphor for both what my negative impact is on my baby nephew and thus, his mother, my sister. She walked out the door, she left our moment together because she idk, she didn’t want to experience any of that. She was hyperventilating crying and just wanted out of the situation; maybe to cry and be sad. Or to do something she realized she had to do, for herself or whatever.

I basically saw that as her quitting the course and giving up for good instead of trying. Then, I knew I had to chase her. I was fully ready to go run out that door, go through a very emotional chat and get to the bottom of everything. Inspirational speech, help her with whatever troubles. Assure her that she’s great, reflect her good side to her. Calm down her breathing rate, crack a quick joke to remind her what laughter feels like and walk her back into class.

Yet, the teacher was cross, sternly shook her head and briefly instructed me not to before continuing her lecturing. She knew I’d missed enough already and wasn’t going to just tell me to miss more because one student has disrupted the workflow. Rightly so, I understood and respected her judgement, yet my heart still felt for her. I kept peering out of my window, into the light glowed up in the poofiness of the lighter clouds, covering all trace of blue on the horizon.

So in conclusion, the crying girl was a metaphor for my family, all of those I need to look out for, compromise with and help move forward. The teacher instructing me to use mind over mood, discipline myself and focus on work is my ambition. My desire for a better life, the knowing that I need to sacrifice my desires, my relationships and even often my conscience for the greater good of my future. Of my ambitions, of my businesses, of my legacy, of what I’ll leave behind, for my self. Otherwise... I’ll be stuck crying with them, gawking at the more admirable traits that others have as opposed to myself.

If I was to chase her, I’d be walking away in the same direction with her. All you can really do is hope she straightens up herself, otherwise, the other option would be doing nothing.

So, that’s what I think that is. I had that dream when I drifted back to sleep after 1pm, monday, 21st Oct 2019. It’s all I could think about all day that day. A fat girl crying. I was jaded all day. Contemplative, even when I got home, I lay in bed, i felt ill after being around pets the whole weekend, eating literally uncountable masses of junk food. I kept sighing mentally, thinking back to the girl who kept sobbing to my right, I didn’t notice she was chubby until after when I reflected. I felt responsible. Then the day after (today) I was thinking of it.

Then, this evening, just today. I was in the classroom, late as usual. I creeped in, teacher talking about many points. Straight away my pad and pen was out, scribbling. I noticed after a while, a kinda chubby girl, brown hair (actually vibrant in colour though), colorful fleece, was to my right. She was on the corner part of the table, no more chairs to the right. She seemed completely emotionally intact, however.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every note I made I felt bad. I felt guilty. I felt scared, that maybe I’d upset her. I didn’t want to dominate her subliminally. I did know a little extra stuff like conjugations that hadn’t been taught yet and I was writing those down, wondering if she’s noticed. I couldn’t handle it, I looked at her pad, I had to compliment her. It must have been a sign, a vision, that came in a dream. I even considered asking her what she was doing at that time, when the dream occurred, I considered telling her about the dream. All sorts of forward things to strike a conversation with.

In the end, at breaktime, I asked her name. Straight away told her “your writing is so neat. Oh my God. How is your handwriting so neat? That’s unbelievable, wow!”. It was actually incredibly neat by the way I’ll proclaim that right now. Especially the hangul characters, they’re unfamiliar for us pretty much. They was small, spaciously together, in correct proportions, no lines bending the wrong way. When I write them wow, one is too big, a middle vowel will take up the bottom then i sort of squash the last really big consonant underneath, overlapping to the below line. It’s all disproportionate, just a mess... and thats just the English writing.

So yeah, I didn’t tell her any of that dream stuff or whatever. We got talking. She’s doing third year maths at the uni. Took the course to bump her credits up which improves her overall grade. So she’s been taking it very seriously, she said she went over every single word in the textbook last night. She wants to pass. She’s clearly strong willed, intellectual, all the admirable treats. Very admirable indeed. Her favorite number is 7, mainly because she’s born on a 7th day. She enjoys graph theory in maths, dropped mechanics but did pure and statistics, then told me a bunch of stuff about maths i didnt understand but im the one who inquired so it’s kind of what I get. she also knows her runescape fairly well, but we both grew ambitions in the real world which took over, it seems.

we certainly broke the ice a little bit. I probably wouldn’t have even chatted to her without that dream. I’ll get to know her more again next time.

#personal #text post #lucid #dreams #z #dream

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