#partner abuse

[intersectionalpraxis]

"Under a Missouri statute that has recently gained nationwide attention, every petitioner for divorce is required to disclose their pregnancy status. In practice, experts say, those who are pregnant are barred from legally dissolving their marriage. “The application [of the law] is an outright ban,” said Danielle Drake, attorney at Parks & Drake. When Drake learned her then husband was having an affair, her own divorce stalled because she was pregnant. Two other states have similar laws: Texas and Arkansas."

"Missouri is particularly restrictive when it comes to reproductive health and autonomy. It was one of the first to ban abortion after Roe v Wade was overturned in 2022, including in cases of rape and incest. Research shows that abortion restrictions can effectively give cover to reproductive coercion and sexual violence: the National Hotline for Domestic Violence said it saw a 99% increase in calls during the first year after the loss of the constitutional right to abortion."

"Advocates are currently trying to gather enough signatures to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot that would make abortion legal until fetal viability, or around 24 weeks."

"In Missouri, homicide was the third leading cause of deaths in connection with pregnancy between 2018–2022, the majority (75%) of which occurred among Black women, according to a 2023 report by the Missouri department of health and senior services, which examines maternal mortality data. In every case, the perpetrator was a current or former partner. And in 2022, 23,252 individuals in the state received services after reporting domestic violence, according to the latest reporting from Missouri Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence, which compiles data from direct service providers in the state."

The dystopia we speak of -across many of issues that women and marginalized folks face is HERE already. This is terrifying.

[lrosenerds]

AU where Wen Qing is Wei Wuxian's unofficial physical therapist (he couldn't afford one otherwise). Most recently messed up in a motorcycle accident, he also has various old injuries from being a teenage hooligan.

So Wei Wuxian is complaining to Jiang Cheng in public somewhere, like a café or a dining hall, like, "Wen Qing is so mean to me! I'm so sore! Look, is my shoulder bruised? It feels bruised."

And Jiang Cheng says something snarky and dismissive, like, "You deserve this."

And Lan Wangji overhears only parts of this conversation and comes to his own alarming conclusions.

So the next day Lan Wangji tells Wei Wuxian that he has something very important to talk to him about. He sounds so serious that Wei Wuxian is like, "Sure, buddy. Your place?"

Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to expect, but definitely not for Lan Wangji to haltingly but determinedly start talking about how Wei Wuxian deserves to be safe, and it's okay to ask for help, and men in relationships can be abused by women partners, too, and it's important not to be ashamed and to utilize the resources available.

He pushes a bunch of pamphlets across the table at Wei Wuxian and adds earnestly, "I know your family situation is complicated, so if you need somewhere to go you can stay with me."

And Wei Wuxian is so stunned and horrified that Lan Wanghi thinks Wen Qing is his abusive girlfriend, but also so, so happy that Lan Wangji cares so much about him! He brought pamphlets and everything!!

And when Lan Wangji explains that he overheard Wei Wuxian talking to Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian starts laughing and explains, "No no no, Wen Qing is my physical therapist, she isn't abusing me, I'm just a crybaby whiner! We live together but we're definitely not dating!!"

And before Lan Wangji can get too embarrassed Wei Wuxian calms down and says, "But like hey, I'm so touched you care about me and wanted to help me, like even if you kind of hate me you're still such a good person."

Cue Lan Wangji's, "I've never hated you, I've criticized your behavior in the past because you put yourself in danger and get hurt."

And of course they start dating soon, and when Lan Wangji finally meets Wen Qing he brings her favorite food as apology, and Wen Qing forgives him. (His cooking is really good. And also she's secretly-not-so-secretly glad that Wei Wuxian has such a good person to take care of him and keep him safe and happy.)

(Anyway this is what happens when I'm bored at physical therapy I guess lol)

[aita-blorbos]

aita for killing and eating my wife? I [?!?/m] and my wife [??/f] who is an anthropromorphic pig got married a couple months ago. To clarify, I am technically a zombie since my cousin zombified me, its clear to see on my arms as there's purple skin replacing my forearms. My wife had been horrible to me for a while - often insulting me or hitting me sometimes, but the worst thing she had done was overwork me. She loves eating, and I can cook quiet well, so she made me cook for her all day, and still had the audacity to insult my cooking! You can see how annoying it was, I kept passing out every goddamn fucking day. The zombification made sure I wouldn't die. I decided my best course of action [since she would not let me leave the relationship] was to kill her and eat her. After all, its not considered cannibalism if its a pig, right? It's not my fault she's a horrible partner!! I needed to save myself somehow!!!! One of my cousins also agrees that I am definitely not the asshole, though the other two seem to disagree [one of them is incredibly scared of my].

[starfishinthedistance]

FYI telling abuse survivors about the "good qualities" of their abuser or about how "at least they weren't abusive in this way" is really insensitive and never helpful.

Seriously if I hear stuff like "Yeah your mother emotionally abused you, but hey, she still bought you birthday presents, right?" or "I know your father beat you, but at least it wasn't s*xual" or "Yeah your ex was abusive, but he was loving sometimes, right? For some people it's 24/7, you're lucky that it wasn't for you," then you better be ready to catch these hands.

All this does is instill shame in survivors and make them think "what I went through wasn't bad enough and I don't deserve help". No, you aren't helping them "look on the bright side". You are worsening already present trauma/PTSD/C-PTSD/DID symptoms.

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

Hello, I have a question that's been buzzing in my head for a bit now. So, you know how a lot of teenagers date? WELL, there's some abusive couples in the teenager world too. What would the SK!Boys do? Considering both partners are pratically children, and one of them abusive the partner which is pratically a child too. Yk what I mean? Hard to explain tbh. ;-;

I see what you mean.

In their eyes, teenagers are still kids. And they have their vow to follow. So if they find out one teen is abusing the other, they alert the proper authorities.

[hussyknee]

Your tags in the post about boyfriends selfishness slapped me in the face about the situation I'm in. I hope I can get better. Thanks for laying it out like that for me.

I'm glad it helped you. *hugs* It took eight years of marriage to a manbaby for me to figure it out. I was raised by a violent man, so I mistook soft-spokenness for gentleness and generosity for kindness. Disinterest for respectful space and grudging tolerance for magnanimity. All his condescension and cruelty were couched in genial jokes, all his weaponized incompetence and anti-socialness in puppy eyed pleading and cutesy haplessness. The invisibility of this violence and manipulation was in a way much more cruel than my father's rages. I was being systematically leeched of my self-respect and energy and agency by a man who seemed kinder, gentler and more tolerant to me than anyone I had known before.

When it all became unbearable and I lashed out in bewildered hurt, he told me I was as unkind and ill-tempered as my father. I internalised that for sodding years. Turned all the pain he inflicted on me into self-recrimination and drove it inward into myself like a knife.

No one tells you about the cruelty of gentle men.

No one tells you that people who wouldn't hurt a fly will have no qualms draining the life from you.

No one tells you that they don't have to intend harm to not care if they're hurting you.

No one tells you the difference between a good person and one who is only good to protect their image of themselves as a good person.

No one prepares you for having to soothe their hurt feelings caused by you trying to hold them accountable.

No one braces you for the final bare-faced cruelty and vitriol they spew at you when you finally leave, telling you it was you who trapped them, reducing years of care and patience and blood and tears to nothing.

Leave these leeches to rot and don't look back.

[thanos-the-dad-titan]

If any of my followers has a safety phone realize that Oct 4th at 220 pm there will be a test of the Emergency Alert System and even if you have it muted or in do not disturb it will still sound. Turn it off and or power it down. Realize the alarm still will go off once you repower your phone back on. Stay safe.

[riverageleis]

Chapters: 22/22 Fandom: Stargate SG-1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill Characters: Daniel Jackson (Stargate), Teal'c (Stargate), George Hammond Additional Tags: Non-Consensual Touching, Rough Sex, being drugged, Gaslighting, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Love Bombing, Sexual Abuse, Sam Whump, Manipulation, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Verbal Abuse, this gets dark, non-con elements, Power Imbalance, Power Dynamics, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Attempted Murder, Forced Relationship, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Assault, Choking, What if?, Rape Summary:

Jack O'Neill is an excellent strategist. He gets what he wants by any means necessary. He gets off on making people think it's their idea.

In honor of this story being completed 1 year ago and for it being my most viewed, I thought I’d share it again. It’s super fucked up. Don’t read it. 

[vizthedatum]

Affirmation for the rest of my life:

I will never be married or even friends with anyone who calls me the worst thing in their life. Never.

I am a gift.

—

People ask survivors (in the most ableist way): why didn’t you leave? Or speak up sooner? Or know sooner? (I was unaware and gaslighting myself for a long time)

(also really insidious to ask children that but this goes for all survivors)

Do people ever ask the abusers why they stay?

Do people understand that survivors want their abusers to become better people AND survivors have every single right to be angry about everything that’s happened? Do people get that?

[bitchcraftcosplay]

COERCION IS ASSAULT.

"Maybe" is not YES.

Pestering your partner for sex until they give in and fuck you bc

"I can't do it myself" or "I'm too tired to do it myself" and "please please please please just really fast I need it so bad-"

is COERCION AND THATS W H A T?

SEXUAL A S S U L T

You are NEVER entitled to your partners body.

Thank u n have a good nite

[intersectionalpraxis]

Financial abuse can happen to any of us -getting married to men who either want us to be stay at home mom's/partner's to them and don't want us 'to work/maintain work skills/gain new skills' because they are is a huge red flag... it's sincerely such a slippery slope, and I partly blame the Trad Wives romanticizing being a SAHM/someone who stays at home to 'take care of their man,' online because your entire identity shouldn't revolve around this and being a parent is A LOT of work. And I'm not saying marriage or being a parent is bad -but getting married without a prenup and having children without having security outside of your husband's work can be dangerous and lead to abusive situations (and I mean this in no way to shame anyone who ends up in a situation like hers -but please, listen to women's stories and stories like hers before even considering marriage and having kids because there are so horrifying and heartbreaking one's out there and it's something I do believe we need to be aware of). Because it's all men until it's no men in so many instances.

The amount of unequal gendered divisions of labour going on here as well, on top of her unpaid work in the home -and in CREATING their home... I just, I hope the best for this woman and her kids and every woman like her. And sincerely, fuck heteropatriarchal norms.

The original video is about 6 minutes long, but if you have time to tune in to listen to her story, it doesn't feel long. Some of the things she mentioned that caught my attention was that her ex-husband would give her envelopes of CASH to go grocery shopping, she had no banking account, and he has since only paid alimony ONCE since their divorce, and when she did actually go to a job interview -the man LAUGHED at her not not having any 'real experience' and belittled her for being a SAHM. In the video she says she didn't how ill will towards him but how utterly humiliating to be treated like this. I hope her ex-husband befalls so much misery.

[quelliee]

I've been thinking a lot about care recently.

Back in 2017 my partner started getting frequent migraines. By 2018 they became debilitating and I essentially became their full time caregiver. By the start of 2020 they were no longer incapacitated by migraines, but they were still struggling with mental health. I kept caring for them as if they were physically incapacitated because they simply refused to care for themselves.

I don't say this lightly because disability is often misinterpreted as obstinance, but in this case it was basically weaponized incompetence to get me to do things for them. They'd refuse to eat if I didn't make or order something they wanted. They'd go without meds if I didn't remind them if their appointment and then go to the pharmacy for them. Then they'd use being out of meds as a reason they needed me to do things for them. I did almost all of the cleaning, cooking, shopping, paying bills, and driving for a solid four years. Meanwhile they basically stopped talking to me. Any attempt at emotional intimacy was too distressing and they were simply uninterested in physical intimacy. It's as if I only existed when they wanted me to do something for them. Eventually two therapists and my sister finally helped me realize how manipulative they were being.

Anyhow, it wasn't until I finally moved out (the saga continues in an attenuated sense) that I realized just how exhausting it was to be the fulltime carer for someone like this. I was basically their parent without the authority of a parent. It was like trying to herd cats where if you do anything they'll start a fight and hurt each other. It was taking up all of my mental and emotional energy to the point that just showing up at work only to get nothing done was often the best I could manage.

It's been three months now and I'm still so, so exhausted. I guess this is probably more than just a matter of giving/receiving care, but I've never longed to be cared for so intensely in my life.

So I'm currently staying with my parents for the holidays. Normally I don't visit them for very long, but this year I'm staying with them for almost a month. It wasn't really thought out, I just suggested flight dates and they agreed. But I feel like this is partly a way to feel cared for after so many years of exclusively being the carer.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for accusing my brother's fiancée of being a terrible person at their wedding rehersal?

So I (F20) recently found out that my brother (M23) is getting married, and I have reason to believe that there's something sinister going on. First of all, I only find out about his upcoming marriage from his wedding invitations. Not only did he not tell me he was engaged, but I didnt even know he was in a romantic relationship. Of course, this hurt my feelings a lot, but he explained that he couldn’t tell me about it because of his job, which involves the security of our country. Still seems fishy but fine, whatever, I forgive him.

It turns out that his mysterious fiancee is my childhood babysitter, which is awesome because I remember her being super cool. Except... shes nothing like that anymore. Now shes mean to me, mean to my friends, mean to all the staff for the wedding - and I think it goes beyond being a "bridezilla" or whatever. But everyone seems to think her behavior is normal, and my "overreaction" is because my feelings are still hurt over my brother not telling me about his engagement.

But heres the kicker: at one point I wanted to speak to my brother alone, hoping to make him reconsider the whole deal, when I catch his fiancee arguing with him, and then casting some sort of magic spell to shush him up. It freaked me out, and I knew she had to be evil.

So at the wedding rehearsal the next day, I just jump up and start telling everyone about the horrible things she did. But everyone gets mad at me - even my brother, who claimed that the "magic spell" was to cure his headache, which is total bs. Everyone takes the fiancée's side and just leaves me alone in the wedding hall.

I know what I saw, and I know my brother is making a mistake. I need to do everything I can to stop this marriage from happening. But everyone seems to think I'm wrong and taking this too far. AITA?

[lifeslemonaid-blog]

I see who you really are!

Go ahead, try to rewrite the story of your life. I know the truth behind the lies. The ugliness is oozing from your pores like puss from an open sore. Your mask is falling off and the devil behind it is being exposed. The narcissist can't hide its spots anymore.

1) Emotional Blackmail

Stop telling your children that everyone leaves when you've made them move three times in 6 months just because you can't control him anymore.

The anxiety attacks you force upon the youngest children just so that he will run over to the house is disgusting.

They are not objects they are living breathing beings.

2) Guilt-tripping with Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG)

The oldest owe you nothing. You did not save them. You treated them as slaves. You owe them their childhoods back for exposing them to abuse, sexual blackmail and toxicity.

Forcing your kids to lie to CPS. Not just once but twice.

3) Shaming

Telling your kids they can't have an identity because they need to be a family is bullshit. They shouldn't be ashamed of trying to be themselves.

No wonder the youngest hide their soiled clothing and pull-ups.

5) Gaslighting

HERBIE

YOU WERE NOT TOGETHER

HE DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU

SHALL I CONTINUE

HE FINDS YOU DISGUSTING

HE TOLD YOU HE DIDN'T LOVE YOU AND YOUR YOUNGEST HEARD YOU

To be clear, you once said where ever you go he will follow. Well, sadly you left. He stayed. I told him to go. He said he was but your back.

I guess those spots couldn't be put away this time.

[cookie-waffle]

i know this is ancient history, but, it drives me up the fucking wall just how many people still take Amber Heard’s side.

Johnny Depp is by no means a perfect person, but, if you can honestly listen to the MOUNTAINS of evidence against Amber, and still think that she was the victim, I’m just gonna assume it’s because you either think men can’t be abused, or because you’re sexist and think women are too dainty and weak to physically hurt men.

She’s an abuser through and through, and she is both a physical and emotional danger to her male partners. There are literal audio recordings of her abusing Johnny. Like, how the fuck can you ignore all that and still say she was the abused, not the abuser?

[rhpotter]

PSA:  the U.S. will be testing the emergency alert system tomorrow, 10/4/23.  IF YOU HAVE A HIDDEN PHONE FOR PERSONAL SAFETY REASONS, MAKE SURE TO TURN IT OFF.  The alert is likely to come through even if the phone’s ringer is silenced.  Beau provides more details in the video above, but again:

If you are in a situation where you have a phone that you do not want a partner, family member or other people to know you have, make sure to TURN IT OFF tomorrow until the emergency alert test is complete.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/emergency-alert-test-will-sound-oct-4-on-all-us-cellphones/ar-AA1hADiC