#people who make bad choices

[beangirl73047]

Btw, “love your enemies” applies to the people you dislike too

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[bonefall]

Maybe I'll make a post on this at some point but like, something deeply fucked up about TNP and Po3 that people have totally forgotten about is how badly they try to whine that "Tigerstar Had Good Traits :("

Firestar does it, Brambleclaw does it, and they keep doing this after it becomes this GRAND irony that Firestar almost gets Tiger'd to death in a fox trap because he was too trusting. Bramble gets his pity award of keeping deputyship and then cries to his son about how No One Saw The Good In Tigerstar :(

And it's wiiiiild that no one else in this fandom has done anything with the fact that Leopardstar broke the Warrior Code to appoint Hawkfrost, who had no apprentice, an extremely aggressive and warmongering Tigerclone who says things like "Tigerstar wasn't the worst cat to look up to." ONLY qualifying trait was being kinda like Tigerstar.

And she practically did that the SECOND Mistyfoot went missing. And then Leopardstar continued to be one of the most violent and xenophobic leaders through Po3, joining with WindClan to attack ThunderClan.

What I'm getting at is that like, a few years ago, with books like "Blackfoot's Reckoning" and "Shadow in RiverClan" it's like they suddenly decided to retcon in a bunch of "redemption arcs" in hindsight. They just pretended like there was this grand high reckoning with TigerClan, when there literally wasn't, and if anything that caused SERIOUS problems for the cast that the authors didn't fully acknowledge as such.

And now ppl haven't actually read the main series and are just working with their recent memory of all these retcon books.

But TNP and PO3 are still there, and you can go and see the ACTUAL timeline where Leopardstar is really not apologetic at all, and Blackstar is a useful stooge for the very next wannabe dictator that strolls in, in spite of the new side content that COMPLETELY mischaracterized them for their plots to work.

[3lostyears]

i adore how protective nine is of rose but i also think what is regarded a lot of the time as ten not caring about or valuing rose in the same way is him having more faith in her. it’s kind of like when people complain about rose not challenging ten the way she did nine when they’re just much more on the same page in s2 because they know each other better, so she doesn’t really need to.

in theory, ten could have yelled at rose in the idiot’s lantern for not waiting for him when she confronted magpie. but he doesn’t, he loses his mind trying to save her (VERY nine) and also acknowledges that her observation was spot on. the whole “domestic approach” line gets attention but i have never really interpreted his intention as being to insult her; in some ways, i feel her reaction is a holdover from nine, who did put down the idea of domesticity (and also actively manipulated her into leaving her mum in world war 3 which never really gets mentioned).

and of course, rise of the cybermen is a parallel to father’s day. the doctor starts out harshly talking to her the way he did when he was nine, forbidding her to see her father, but then he gives in when she just looks at him. which is exactly what he does that in father’s day too of course.

like, why do you think she refuses to be sent away in doomsday, another direct parallel to parting of the ways? she’s saying she’s not a kid anymore, that she already made her way back to him once before. she can’t be protected from the hard choices anymore and she won’t be, because she understands everything that it means to be the doctor’s companion. you never see it on-screen but clearly sometime between tooth & claw and doomsday she asks about what happened before he regenerated; she has to learn that she is the bad wolf, especially when she is to continue her journey of turning into nine in s4 and making hard choices. ten wouldn’t have known that, but it’s a mark of the respect and faith (he believes! in her!) that he stops protecting her from the truth.

[eyestrain-addict]

I'm thinking about how Louis and Claudia both make the same fatal mistake in Paris (in albeit different situations). Louis assumes Armand is different *cough* he ain't white he french [...] he's different *cough* but we all know this already, I mostly wanted to point out Claudia's fatal mistake. She says it herself "I want to meet one, just one other vampire who isn't a goddamn bastard!" Which, is kinda impossible, but Claudia doesn't know that yet. What Claudia doesn't yet understand completely is that vampires don't just prey on humans, they prey on the weak. Including other vampires. Neither Louis nor Claudia know this at this point in the show. Claudia also assumes that these vampires are different. Both Louis and Claudia are being lulled into a false sense of security and whats worse is that since their relationship is so strained at this point neither believes the other when the say 'X is bad news' (Don't ruin this for me! That doesn't sound like him)

I don't blame Claudia for choosing the coven, because I know from experience how cults and similar organizations operate. I just want to point this out because I feel like people are acting like either Louis is completely culpable, or that Claudia deserved what happens because she made a mistake. When frankly I think both takes are boring and if true, poor writing. I actually think characters should make bad choices and that making bad choices is often better than them always making good choices, or having no choices at all.

[kanonavi]

(Spoilers for 4.5 Potion event (just in case lol I know I'm late on this))

At this point, I'm really wondering if we're gonna end up getting some payoff in the future for much Paimon absolutely hates Venti for no discernible reason. Because he isn't the only person she's been kinda standoffish with over the years, but he's by far the most consistent. Like, when you consider the fact that Paimon even warmed up to Al-Haitham by the end of Sumeru, it kinda says a lot about her apparent grudge against Venti by comparison. (And I love Al-Haitham to death, but I'm not about to say he's a ray of sunshine compared to Venti.) (Event interaction-related stuff under the cut)

The contrast to how Paimon treated Diona versus how she treated Venti when they came to the potion shop together was like night and day. I've been going around to all of my friends today and describing Paimon's reaction to them as something like "Diona omg hi it's so good to see you it's been forever how have you been!!! .........And Tone-Deaf Bard." which is obviously a comedic exaggeration, but also not entirely off the mark. And all Venti did was... exist? Try to help Diona out with what she was trying to do? Yes, he's going to get free drinks out of it but he also went truly above and beyond to help Diona find a new ingredient all the way from the middle of nowhere in Dragonspine. If he didn't care about Diona's feelings and what she was trying to do, he wouldn't have done that. (But of course, Venti does care because he's a good Archon and a good person and I love him for that.)

There are genuinely very few things that make me believe in the theory that Paimon is some kind of agent from the Heavenly Principles than the fact that she hates Venti so steadfastly. There's so much evidence that connects Mondstadt and specifically Venti/the Thousand Winds to the old civilizations of Teyvat that the Heavenly Principles once destroyed. For Venti to still exist in the world and let his people make their own choices in the way that he does, of course they and by extension Paimon would hate him. Plus, even if her annoyance with him started with his tendency towards being cryptic, why would Paimon care so much about what he knows? Why does one of his voicelines imply that he doesn't want to tell the traveler things with Paimon around?? It's just so incredibly suspicious.

The scene is kinda funny though when you look at how good Venti is with kids (how helpful and kind he is to Diona despite her wanting to get rid of alcohol, which he loves) and yet one of the most childish characters in the entire game absolutely despises him. Every day I wake up and wonder what in the world Paimon's damage is and if we're going to get a justification for it, or if this is sincerely just what the writers think is funny.

[shorthaltsjester]

sometimes people will say “going dark” and then what they’re actually talking about is just people no longer presenting a carefully constructed version of their emotions and experiences.

like. emotional turmoil is not the same as darkness. laudna in this Fictional Universe that has tangibly different stakes wrt to death and killing than our own, is at best like . morally neutral for what she just did like. man has been secretly trying to kill you, and then just tried to do so again, killing him back is a fair choice. and even if i was someone who is excited by delilah’s inability to escape from the narrative, this shit isn’t about delilah. laudna made a choice. if delilah is back or whatever it’s a choice that laudna made because something in that grants her more control than her existing conditions did. this isn’t some Delilah Takes Over, it’s Laudna Expressly Makes The Choice To Call Forth Something within Herself to remedy the lack of control that’s been thrust upon her. if y’all want to Continue to limit Laudna’s agency (as the cr fandom is so, so want to do when a female character makes a choice that isn’t Good according to some weird system of virtue ethics) go ahead.

likewise with orym. little guy is not “going dark” because he has finally made direct action about his emotional turmoil in dealing with a situation which has similarly left him without control and has also placed him in a position where his stalwart conviction towards protecting and honouring those he loves and has lost alike is constantly met with other people he cares for going well.. what if they had a point/we are killing other peoples loved ones/etc. which like . yeah that might be frustrating and in fact might lead him to go, actually, i can’t afford to try and maintain some abject morality where I carry a locket that will literally only provide guilt. orym is completely committed to his beliefs, the locket and what it represents has never been a limit to what he will do, only a reminder of the consequences of what he might cause in those actions. but they Are at war and orym has a billion things on his plate. he can put down the locket. especially when bor’dor is the explicit manifestation of that locket’s symbolism. the subtext rapidly became the text and orym doesn’t need a reminder. it’s there in the fact that team issylra is walking away with two friends, not three.

these are character who have at every turn denied their own emotions in various forms while still being acutely aware of what they deny, whether that awareness was/is fully realized or not. many of laudna’s early convos with ashton show us that there is some awareness to the lighthearted spooky goth girl and how that persona fades when she thinks too much about what has led her and maintained that reality. likewise the entirety of orym’s story thus far is defined by his grief in a very literal sense, it Has extended from that grief to also the commitment he had to the purpose of figuring out the assassination attempt on keyleth but as we have seen, that purpose has fallen apart. paired with the quasi-reopening of his grief that was getting to see will again only to have to turn away, i don’t think there’s a lack of awareness in orym of how much he hurts. but between his actions and 4SD, that hurt tends to get buried under guilt or Responsibility.

and now, finally, both of them have admitted to that Not in the safety of small introspection or one-on-one conversations but with actions that they cannot shy away from or deny. laudna killed bor’dor and orym encouraged her to. and it Is a complex situation but truly I don’t really think it’s a “going dark” one. because they’re not giving into some overhanging Darkness of Morality™, they’re admitting that they are hurt and have long been hurting.

or, y’know, tldr for those who continue to deny laudna and orym agency or fully villainise them for whatever weird reasons . you could listen to laudna and ashton’s conversation that pretty much lays it out explicitly. laudna claims she’s weak for having chosen to kill bor’dor. ashton denies that and affirms instead that, no, she’s hurt.

[just-late-roman-republic-things]

Still thinking about that post about plagiarism from earlier, and the way me and my classmates were taught. Many of them thought they weren't smart, or weren't good at certain subjects, when the real problem was that the subjects had just been badly taught. Or the kid was dealing with trauma, family conflict, food insecurity, or they needed accommodations, or had no books at home.

So many things can make a very bright kid score low on a test, or miss assignments. And after you've gotten enough "bad grades," it's hard not to start thinking you're the problem. Plus, the adults will often start lowering their expectations of you, and kids will pick up on that.

Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised, then, that a kid who's been raised to think they're stupid would plagiarize someone else's words or ideas instead of daring to put forth their own. Writing can be emotionally taxing, as it forces you to pin down a piece of yourself for others to survey, dissect and judge. And the more sincere and lovingly crafted your work, the more it hurts for that work to get criticized. Even if you know it's nothing personal, it hurts.

(Worth it, though. Writing probably saved my life.)

But...very few of my classmates were actually "not smart." Very few people I meet are unable to learn and build upon complex ideas. Sometimes it takes someone a little longer, or they need the information explained in a different way, but if you're reading this post you probably have all the same mental potential I do, and I think I'm pretty clever.

I guess what I mean to say is, you are smart enough, you are creative enough, and just because a topic seems hard or complicated doesn't mean you can't do it. If you need several tries or more time to "get it," that's fine! That just means you're learning! And there are so many weird and cool things to learn in this world. You deserve to enjoy them, to explore, to create.

Don't let the people who underestimated you win.

[lanaevyssmoved]

i hope everyone knows that every bg3 take i have exists in the space of “these characters aren’t real but the players are”. i’m sick of takes that put down real living people over their choices for fictional characters who have no agency and cannot be hurt. making a real person feel bad about themselves over a video game choice… please have some self awareness

the video game isn’t more important than a person

[shinobicyrus]

Obviously, the Alabama Supreme Court actually putting fetal personhood into law is another victory for creeping Christian Authoritarianism and yet another attack on health care, womens' rights, and bodily autonomy....but watching the Republicans flip their shit now that IVF clinics are in danger of closing is hilarious in a "the clown car is on fire" kind of way.

Because of course this was going to happen. Fetal personhood and anti-surrogacy (especially in the context of same-sex parents) has been bouncing around in conservative religious and legal circles (but what's the difference?) for decades, with those pesky liberals warning about it for just as long. Anyone with an inkling of awareness of the issue could have seen it coming.

So the fact that they were caught so off guard is myopic enough. And they're panicking for a very good reason, because yanno who generally goes to IVF clinics?

The people who can afford it.

Certainly the abortion bans in various states were bad, but if you had a lot of disposable income you could just...go to another state. Extremely inconvenient, yes, but not insurmountable. But this?

Oh my god, now the far-right pro-life politics that you've been cultivating for going on fifty years is now in a position to affect people with money? People that matter? Now you have to try and contend with the very extremist judges you installed that don't have to worry about getting elected and whose decisions are now putting you on the political chopping block?

Join us the in misery you're created for everyone else, assholes.

[feroluce]

Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.

So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!

But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.

According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.

He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!

So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.

Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.

And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.

And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.

Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.

Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.

Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...

One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.

Gepard doesn't sleep that night.

Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.

Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.

She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.

"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.

Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.

His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?

“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.

Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.

“We don't even know-”

“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.

“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.

It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.

The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.

“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-

Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”

“No what?”

“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”

Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”

Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed. 

Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.

“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”

“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.

From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light. 

The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.

He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.

Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.

Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.

Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.

In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.

Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.

He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.

He only hopes that it's enough.

[cienie-isengardu]

MK 9 (2011)'s story mode & MK 1 (2023)'s story mode

[brjeauregard]

Some of you want your favorite characters to have a happy ending, I want my favorite characters to make questionable choices and face the consequences of their actions. We are not the same

[ursie]

Something something about how the fandom is both villainizing Ashton/Taliesin and infantizing Fearne/Ashley even though Fearne/Ashley are grown women who did in fact choose to not have the shard and thought it should go to Ashton and said so both in this ep and in 4 sided dive (which some of you would know if you actually watched it)

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Imo Jason is “irredeemable” by default because I don’t see what he needs redemption from.

[rotisseries]

rick riordan dickriders on here will be like "why are you complaining about the pjo tv show, go watch the movies and see what a bad adaptation really looks like" ok well listen to the musical watch it on youtube and see what a good adaptation looks like bitch. it can be done. as a fucking stage musical. what did that 15 million per episode do for disney that chris mccarell couldn't