#potentially triggering details ahead ic

[bioethicists]

i've been at res 4.5 days now and it is a lot better than i expected. i'm still quite ambivalent about recovery but i'm glad to have space to grieve my brother without responsibilities and i'm willing to accept that maybe i need to give up at least some of my behaviors if i want to live a fuller life

[ratcandy]

Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

[cotncandyboifics]

A Lovely Night: Chapter 5

AO3 Link

Masterpost

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 6

Pairing(s): pre-established roceit & prinxiety, anaroceit, eventual anaroloceit, eventual intruality

Word count: ~2.5k

Story summary: Roman's boyfriends had had a rivalry since before either of them had actually met Roman. Running a bit late to a date night, Roman accidentally gets them to start dating too.

General CW: non-detailed description of an anxiety attack, non-detailed description of physical pain, food, kissing, potentially triggering descriptions of physical bodies, swearing, caps lock, school settings, s-xual innuendos, slight description of gore(imagery), vague descriptions of anxiety, Implications of an eating disorder, fatigue, dissociation, suppression of stimming, implied heavy restriction (ED), inner monologue-style anxiety description, eating,(will be added to as I write more)

Chapter CW: Swearing, slight description of gore(imagery), vague descriptions of anxiety, food, (let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: i like this chapter a lot :) the stage has been set.

...

The next morning, Virgil had an opening shift at the knitting and sewing supply store he worked for. He'd found it the first week the three of them had moved to this town for college, and immediately took a liking to it, likely thanks to his long-lasting hobby of clothing alteration. He'd made some good money to save up in high school from making and selling custom hoodies and other clothing, even having taken a few commissions over the years.

It wasn't rare occurrence, that he was opening the store, and on this particular morning it wasn't so dreadful (once he'd pried himself away from his half-asleep boyfriends, who both vaguely grumbled protests at the incomplete cuddle pile as Virgil was getting ready). Virgil had gotten to his favorite coffee shop, where Janus' brother Patton worked, in time that it would be open and he also wouldn't be late for his shift, which was rare. It only worked out that way if Virgil's bus commute was perfectly timed.

Now caffeinated, and somewhat less-pessimistic-than-usual about the day ahead of him, Virgil retrieved the keys to the shop from his pocket, fumbling for a bit before finding the right one. He let out a breath as he found it, unlocking the door as he'd done a thousand times before and stepping in, shutting the door behind him and leaning his back against it. Virgil noted the clock on the wall, reading 5:02 am. The shop opened at 6, and he had more than enough sorting and stocking to do before then.

The next hour passed rather quickly. His co-worker Emile showed up shortly after him, and they both spent the rest of the time before the shop opened restocking and organizing the horrendous amounts of yarn and string and such supplies throughout the store and in the back room.

Shortly 6 am arrived, and it was time for the two of them to draw straws to decide who would man the register and help customers while the other continued stocking. Typically Virgil enjoyed the latter while Emile enjoyed the former, but their manager had insisted that they make the odds more random in order to get them both more comfortable in their unpreferred positions.

True to their manager's sentiment, Virgil drew the register stick. They both sighed at each other, and Emile returned to sorting through some cerulean yarn balls. Virgil made his way to the front of the store, unlocking the doors and flipping the sign to open, before making himself at home behind the register.

Generally, customers were rare at this time of morning, save for a few early-riser regulars. The bell at the top of the door chimed. Virgil didn't look up, expecting to see Margaret in her usual morning power-walk getup, coming in to check up on whether they'd gotten a shipment of lavender yarn yet.

"Morning, Marge. We still haven't gotten any lavender in, if-" Virgil halted his speaking upon looking up, feeling his throat constrict as he realized who had entered. At any rate, this person was certainly not Margaret.

The first thing that caught Virgil's attention about this new customer was their eyes. They were a burning blue, with small subtle mushes of gray here and there. Through their vaguely foggy colors, those eyes cut sharp like ice shards. The customer seemed entirely calm and stoic, however that did not extend to the ferocious - however not hostile - intensity with which they were staring Virgil down. Of course this intensity did not extend past their eyes, as the very slight twinge of a polite smile was seated at the corners of their mouth. Virgil briefly noted some seemingly familiar physical characteristics (although he was extremely wary to assume anything - what would be the chances of him and his boyfriends all meeting the same man individually, completely perchance?); shining black hair, square-framed glasses, the freckles, the pale and sunken nature of their face. Or, as Virgil certainly noticed, the subtle pronunciation of his cheekbones and jawline. They wore a black coat and a navy patterned scarf that appeared to be hand-knitted.

Virgil stumbled his way over to the closest register to the door - he wasn't sure why they even had two, they never needed to use them both simultaneously - and leaned haphazardly on the counter, propping his chin up on his palm.

"Sorry, hello, I thought you'd be someone else. Marge is usually the first in. What can I do for you?" His face felt really hot, and he was pretty sure that much was obvious to the newcomer, but he tried his best not to think about it.

The stranger didn't speak for a moment, merely leaning forward slightly with a furrowed brow. Virgil panicked for a moment, but followed their line of sight to the name tag on his hoodie. It was quite scuffed up, and the name "Virgil" was scarcely discernible through various smears of odd substances. Virgil quickly unpinned the name tag, beginning to rub away at the gunk with a sweater-covered thumb.

"It's Virgil, sorry about that," He spoke, hiding his hot cheeks behind his bangs as he scratched at his name tag feverishly. He quickly decided on just setting it down, wanting to give the newcomer his full attention.

"Good morning, Virgil," they spoke, and wow, was Virgil gay. The strangers' voice was deep and smooth, and reminded him a bit of Janus'. But this had a tactful, almost clinical and calculated sincerity, whereas Janus' was far more lilted and drawly. Regardless, Virgil felt his throat constricting a bit. He tried subtly coughing the feeling away. "I am in search of some high quality yarn, as a gift for a dear friend of mine. It is my understanding that this establishment is highly regarded for its products' quality?" Virgil tried not to stare. The stranger was running their fingers down and up the inside of one of the lapels of their coat very slowly, and that reminded Virgil terribly of Janus. He felt like he was in high school all over again, ogling over a tall pretty boy.

Regardless of his gay panic, Virgil cleared his throat. "Yeah, we try," His voice cracked slightly, and he tried clearing his throat again. "I mean, we have some pretty awesome suppliers, and we have a really, uh... Big selection of stuff. Do you, do you know what it is you want to get for your friend, exactly?" Virgil thanked any gods that existed had allowed him to formulate a coherent sentence, and he was glad to have the expectation of speaking temporarily off himself.

The customer tapped his chin with the side of his index finger, - which again, reminded Virgil painfully of Janus - humming as he continued surveying his surroundings. "I think he'd appreciate a selection of soft or pastel colors, and he adores the color blue. I think white would be a suitable addition as well. Do you sort your yarns by color?" he inquired, returning his heavy gaze to Virgil and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Virgil tried not to audibly gulp.

"Yeah, we do. here, let me show you to the right aisle," Virgil stepped away from the register, and tried to get out from behind the counter, only to completely trip over a cardboard box and fall directly onto his face.

"Goodness, are you alright?" the stranger paced quickly over to where Virgil was groaning on the floor, attempting to pull himself up onto his elbows. They reached a pale-white and very bony hand down to Virgil, who stared at it for a little too long before taking it gingerly.

The customer pulled firmly, and Virgil did too, and they both slightly miscalculated how much strength they needed to apply in order for Virgil to stand. Virgil stumbled forward just a bit as he rose. He looked up slightly and found himself nose to nose with the now wide-eyed man. Virgil yelped slightly, jumping away like a startled cat.

"Sh-shoot, sorry about that," Virgil took to fidgeting a bit aggressively with his hoodie strings, curling them around and between his fingers. "Uh, this way," he pushed a bit awkwardly past the man, looking at his shoes as he walked and willing away the burning heat he felt in his cheeks. Of course the first cute guy he encounters besides his boyfriends is right there when he falls on his face.

He paced over to the aisle with hues of blue and purple yarn, spotting Emile still working with a large box of cerulean. After a momentary panic and trying to wave Emile's attention without making any noise, the stranger turned the corner into the aisle Virgil had led him to. Virgil sighed to himself, annoyed at an in-no-way-at-fault Emile who still hadn't noticed their presence.

Virgil cleared his throat. "Hey, Emile, could you take register while I help this... customer?" Virgil had to take a moment to recall a phrase to describe him besides 'very beautiful man'.

"Uh-" Emile went to say he could help the customer for Virgil, since they were meant to stay in the vicinity of their assigned roles, but Virgil was looking at him with an intensity that blatantly said 'I am begging you to let me help this very gorgeous man to find his yarn and if you don't so help me god I will impale your severed and rotting skull on a rusty metal pole'. Emile chuckled a little shrilly. "Yeah, sure Virge," Emile slid past the two of them, making his way to the register as the chime of the door sounded again. "Welcome in, Margaret! Do-you-how-do?"

Virgil turned his attention back to the man looming slightly over him, leading him down the aisle to the softer and lighter shades. The customer was already scanning the shelves with a tactful intensity that made Virgil almost as anxious as it did further attracted to him.

"This variety is more than adequate," he spoke, almost under his breath, and Virgil tried not to shudder at the rumble in his voice.

"Um, great," Virgil piped up after a moment, and the icy gaze of the tall boy was on him once again. His cheeks felt real hot. "I can, get you a bag for... what you pick out? Er, a gift bag, if you'd like?" Virgil tapped the side of his fist into his hip a few times, trying to expel some of his nervousness. The stranger smiled softly.

"That would be excellent. Thank you, Virgil." He turned back to examining his options, and Virgil scurried off to find a gift bag.

The bags were all by the front register, and he grumbled a bit to himself on the way, preparing for some relentless teasing from his coworker for the next century at minimum. Emile was just waving Margaret off when Virgil rounded the corner, stepping behind the counter to rummage through some boxes for a gift bag.

"Sooo, Virgil," Emile started, tone entirely teasing as he leaned a little too far on the counter, tapping his orange pen on his lips.

"Don't. Say. Anything." Virgil hissed through clenched teeth, glancing up to give Emile another pointed glare for good measure. Emile chuckled lightly, leaning back on the counter a bit.

"Whaat? I won't! I'm totally innocent, see?" Emile puffed out his bottom lip and made his eyes look big. Virgil scoffed.

"Is that a cartoon reference?"

Emile grinned, shrugging. "Probably."

Virgil found the gift bags - finally - and began scampering off and away from the prying gaze of his overly curious co-worker.

Virgil helped the customer to find and collect the proper amount and variety of yarns that he wanted. As it turned out, it was a relatively easy task; aside from being impossibly and unintentionally charming, the stranger was mindful and courteous, and working with him was proving to be relatively easy. They bantered a bit, falling into a casual conversation as they searched for yarn, as well as while they walked back to the register for Virgil to ring his items up.

Emile gave Virgil a pointed look as he approached, trading him places as he walked with a skip in his step back to his yet unstocked shelves. Virgil rolled his eyes at him, stepping extra carefully behind the counter so as not to trip on any stray cardboard boxes. He leaned against the counter in front of the register, beginning to type numbers into it as though he knew the yarn prices like the back of his hand.

the customer stood at the counter before Virgil, vaguely examining his purchase as he watched Virgil slightly through his peripheral. He noticed the way Virgil bit at the inside corner of his mouth, worrying the flesh between his canines as he focused on adding the prices.

"Alright... your total is 82.53," Virgil said slowly, looking up at the stranger, who had - oddly enough - already been looking at him. The stranger glanced away momentarily, clearing his throat and reaching into an inside pocket of his coat for his wallet.

He produced a pristine black leather wallet, pulling a shiny navy blue debit card from between its folds and setting the wallet on the counter as he handed off the card. Virgil took the card and charged it, the customer punching in his PIN through the keypad.

A faint buzzing sounded from within the man's coat, and he reached in once more with knitted eyebrows. He pulled out what seemed to be his phone, eyes widening as he saw whatever was on the screen. Virgil couldn't see, but he figured someone must be calling him.

"My apologies, I must depart," The man spoke quietly, grabbing his gift bag of yarn and bringing his phone to his face as he made hastily for the door. Virgil didn't hear what he said when he answered the phone, but his brow was still furrowed when Virgil caught a glimpse of his face walking down the sidewalk out the store window.

"Bye..." Virgil said to the empty store front.

He looked down, seeing the customer's debit card still in his hand. "Shit." He saw the wallet set on the counter before him as well. He grabbed it, opening it to return the debit card to its proper place and see if there was a way of contacting the man within the wallet.

As he opened it, a white card similar in shape and size to the debit card fell to the floor. Virgil retrieved it, flipping it over to see what it was.

"No way..." Virgil was holding a driver's license. The name it was registered under was too familiar for it to be a coincidence.

He'd need to be giving one Logan Lattimer a call on his break.

[thisisthehardestthing]

This Is The Hardest Thing - 4

Synopsis: A exchange student from the US in enrolled into UA when her father has to move to help with the increased crime rates in Japan. The final year of high school is a lot to handle, adding on top the class of 3-A and the trouble they get into will make for a wild ride.

Triggers: swearing, i think thats it.

A/N: Not in this one, but it’s about to get spicy real fast. Super short chapter

Tags: @aizawascumslut @whats-her-quirk @pnkcts (you liked my masterlist, so I hope you don’t mind me tagging you?)

Masterlist

CHAPTER 4

You and Bakugou were on a yellow couch in the break room, sitting as far from each other as possible. The smack to your chin had caught you off-guard, making you slip off your seat in the middle of class. The chair that followed your body caused a bang so loud, Present Mic had to look at his quirk support item to make sure it hadn’t activated. He’d quickly intervened once he realised it was, to no one’s surprise, Bakugou and the new girl butting heads. He was just going to reprimand the hot-tempered student, when he saw the thick black lined drawing of male genitals penciled in the notebook, balls and all. You remembered the red of the teachers face against the yellow blonde hair exploding upwards as he kicked you both out of the classroom for some reprimanding. He was more embarrassed than angry.

You sighed and leant an elbow on the armrest, pressing some ice against your face.

Todoroki had given it to you as you passed by his desk. It was wrapped in a tissue in order not to give you freezer burn, and you gladly accepted it as you were shooed out and ordered to wait in the current room. Your other hand picked at the material of the sofa. It wasn’t leather, yet it wasn’t canvas either, and you racked your brain trying to think of what it could be.

You tried to keep yourself distracted in this way, focusing on the cold water dripping down your wrist from time to time. However, you couldn’t help yourself as your eyes wandered over to the blonde porcupine. He was slouched down, hands shoved angrily in his pockets, jaw clenching over and over again. Unfortunately, you knew were definitely in the wrong this time. You should not have teased him with your quirk and so you shifted in your seat to face him.

“What?” He snapped as you opened your mouth. His eyes narrowed as his head whipped around to stare at you. Why the hell is he so infuriating? You took a deep breath, reminding yourself that your father would want you to stay ‘grounded’.

“I’m sorry,” you began, “for drawing a dick in your book.” He frowned, looking away from you and staring at the beige wall behind the matching couch that was opposite you.

“You’re damn right you’re sorry,” He spoke, voice carrying in the silent room. The ego behind his words made your blood throb in your ears. He’d been throwing insults at you since yesterday, and here you were trying to make amends first.

The door slid open as Aizawa walked in. His loose hair tumbled over his shoulders in a mess. He had that kind of sour expression like he’d woken up from a nap that lasted too long, and he was both dehydrated and pissed off.

“You two…” He began as he stood in front of both of you, behind the brown wooden coffee table. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he took in the tense air. He sighed and called your name. You sat upright, turning to face him attentively. While Aizawa may look like a mess, he commanded an authority beyond anything you would’ve expected from a man hidden behind bangs.

“Why did you draw this in Bakugou’s notebook?” He asked, pulling the notebook out from a pocket behind his back, opening it to show you the crude sketch. You wanted to tear the page out.

“He was being one.” You shrugged, giving Bakugou a side-eyed glare. He huffed.

“Was fucking not.”

“You kicked my chair!” 

Aizawa let out a sigh.

“You were on my desk, shit-brain!”

You almost lost it, then, saying what was actually on your mind. You wanted to shout, but it came out soft, in such a small voice that almost wasn’t your own.

“You called me fat.” He froze, his frown of anger instantly disappearing as it was replaced with confusion. Even your teacher hesitated, not knowing whether to interject, before falling onto the couch behind him to lean forward attentively. Realisation flickered over Bakugou’s face as he remembered the early morning fight.

“No, I called you heavy. Not fucking fat.” He was laughing, gums baring to the world as the rumble exploded from his chest and filled the room. “I’m not a liar. You’re heavy as shit, look at you. Muscle is like, 10 times as heavy or something. Eijirou can tell you the exact fact.” You felt a blush begin to creep up on your cheeks. Your palm squished the soggy ice tissue, forgotten during all the commotion and the cold water ran down your wrist, cooling down your rising body temperature. You wanted to throw it at him. You wanted to hear the satisfying noise it would make when coming in contact with his cheek. You didn’t.

“Bakugou, you shouldn’t mention someone’s weight.” Aizawa threw the book onto the table, effectively silencing the laughter. “You also shouldn’t punch someone in the face.” Bakugou huffed in response, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was aiming for her hair.”

“You’re both suspended from class for the rest of the day, with cleaning duty.” Bakugou’s excuse came at the same time as Aizawa’s punishment. Your mouth fell open. Without leaving room for any rebuttal, your teacher stood up, took a final look at his students and walked out of the room.

You were on your way to the residences. Bakugou was stomping, hands shoved in his baggy pants as he walked a couple steps ahead of you. He didn’t even leave the front door open after he walked in. You blocked it with your toe before it shut, stepping into the empty common area.

A rough hand darted out at you, grabbing your uniform shirt collar and slamming your back against the door. He made you wince as his knuckle pressed into the bruise he left yesterday. He knew it, and dug just a little bit deeper. His red eyes bore down into yours. It made you wonder if he enjoyed the fact that there was a tangible mark under your shirt.

“You really piss me off.” Bakugou stated, voice low and menacing. His free hand planted firmly next to your head, potentially scorching the door with the smoke that had begun to filter out from between his fingers. He smelt like a campfire.

“Yeah, well, bite me,” you pried his fingers open as you kept his intense stare. He moved so that his arms were boxing you in, muscled forearms rippling near your ears. For a second, you thought he would. There was something indiscernible stirred in with his anger. It was the center of a blender, swirling together. It was hypnotising. You slowly placed one of your hands against the door behind you, finger tips spread, palm flat. You almost shivered when you felt the vast amount of energy rolling in waves through your skin, oscillating in your nerves and vibrating your bones. It was all encompassing, making your shoulder jump up with the sheer force of it.

“What’s wrong with you?” His face scrunched up, eyes darting down to see your hand against the door. “Oi, what the fuck are you up to!?” He tsk’d, pushing away fluidly and crossing his arms.

The second his palms left the wood, it’s hum returned to the normal dull pattern that chopped trees would usually give off. It felt empty, stagnant, . As dead as the door itself. Your fingers twitched as they ached to feel such power again. I want to touch him. You bumped the thought out of your head and curled your hands into a fist to subdue the itch. You thought about the ways your father taught you to keep a level head. That’s why wood had such a consistent vibration. Be like the wood.

“You’re the one that keeps picking fights.” You gloss over his quirk comment, straightening your school uniform to make a point. His eyes followed your hands. “I get it, we never established a clear winner in our sparring match, so we should do it now to get it over with.” Bakugou seemed like he was about to explode, but he nodded his head. His eyes darkened as he thought about it, tongue swiping across his teeth and under his lips.

“Fight rules?”

You were almost sorry to pass up the chance to make him land on his back again.

“Rock, paper, scissors.” You deadpanned. A frustrated growl erupted from his throat. His nostrils flared and instead of saying another word, he turned on his heels and stalked his way to the kitchen, slamming open the fridge. You could not help the snicker that escaped your lips. Worth it.

I guess I won this round. You mused, making your way to your room to begin replying to your fathers messages.

You had been talking to your dad for what seemed like hours. You spoke to him laying on your bed, sitting against your closet doors, spinning in your desk chair. Now, while he was finally reaching the conclusion in his speech of disappointment, you were standing on your balcony. You held the phone away from your ear as you lazily took in the details of the building opposite you. Your room was on the side of the dorms, and therefore, was face to face with someone else’s balcony across the grass. There were trees planted that should’ve obscured the view, but there was still a direct line of sight to a sliding door.

His voice rang out loud over the speakers, reprimanding that it was the second day of school, and how he did not raise you to continue unnecessary conflict. You continued to stare in the cool blue reflection of the window opposite you, eyes unfocused as Soil went on and on. Movement on the other side of the glass made you snap back to reality. You squinted to try and see through it, wondering who could be on the other side since it was… lunch time!? Shock coursed through your veins as you realised you’d been on the phone for 2 hours, listening to a one sided conversation.

“Dad,” you interrupted him mid sentence and his voice lulled. “Sorry, I know I—” The sliding door opened and the tall purple haired boy from this morning walked out, cradling something in his hands. Your words of apology forgotten on your tongue.

“Hm, beansprout, can’t hear you.” You brought the phone closer to your face.

“Just, I’m sorry.”

You heard your father let out his heavy sigh that told you the conversation was over. As you said your goodbye’s, Shinsou looked out across from his balcony, catching you with lazy eyes. He held your gaze with a smirk, slowly lifting up one of his fingers to his lips, zipping his mouth shut. Then he lifted up the other hand that was cupped against his chest. You could barely see it, but in his palm was a small black kitten.

***********

Soil tossed the phone back onto his desk with a clatter. Large, calloused hands wrapped around his forehead as he rubbed at his temples before pulling it down his face to scratch at his chin.

What am I going to do with that girl? He thought as he shuffled around the paperwork he was working on, going over what he wrote about the encounter with Giran.

It’s been two years since Shigaraki had disappeared, but the underground network of villains have seemed to surge in number over the last few months, tipping the balance of power ever so slightly. It was enough to bring out the worst in people, have them lose their faith and security they had once felt all over Japan. Soil knew he had to come back home when the influence had started reaching his part of the world, like an incessant hammer until cracks had started to form. He had to stop it at the source.

A knock on the wall of his cubicle interrupted his deep train of thought. One of the many sidekicks at Endeavor’s agency stood there, sheepishly grinning at the visiting hero. His thumbs were twiddling in the thick yellow gloves.

“It’s time for patrol, Soil, sir!” The sidekick snapped to attention. A polite smile graced the Hero’s lips as he pushed his hulking figure away from the desk. Soil nodded as he followed the younger man. The mental image of that hammer would not leave his mind, try as he might. He felt the same nagging feeling that something might happen soon, the same inkling on the night he spotted Giran.

[wordsnstuff]

20 Mistakes To Avoid in YA Fiction/Romance

* This is a re-upload due to the original being flagged a few months ago for having a gif of two teenagers...*GASP*... dancing. What, tumblr? What is “adult” about that? The post has been in appeal for 4 months, and I have a feeling it won’t leave, so I decided to finally repost it. 

--

YA Fiction is an incredibly popular genre of literature, and most people have picked one up and devoured it in less than a day, but there is a trend in the genre where in certain instances, people forfeit quality for a cheesy dramatic plot. A lot of these stories are just regurgitated cliches with vaguely interesting characters and just enough drama, fluff, and mildly (or extremely) sexual content to keep the reader paying attention. (No shade to the authors, because obviously, any author who writes and publishes a book works hard, no matter the end product.)

There are a lot of aspects of YA Fiction that repeatedly rear their ugly heads and annoy readers or flat out scream dangerous messages to the young people that indulge in them. I thought I’d put the spotlight on a few in the hopes that it will help clean up the genre’s reputation as new and more awakened authors contribute content to it.

Below you will read about some common mistakes that YA Fiction/Romance writers make that either ruin the story, promote dangerous messages, or unrealistically portray teenagers.

Forgetting The Supporting Characters

The supporting characters are an important part of any story, even if the main plot revolves around two people. Supporting characters provide subplots, information to the reader, and more opportunities for your audience to connect and relate to your story. It’s always good to give your supporting characters love and attention when creating and writing them. Sometimes they end up carrying the story.

A mistake that a lot of authors make is that they give the reader a couple defining characteristics, a name, a relationship to the main character, and then just make that character pop into the reader’s view whenever the main plot needs them to. No backstory. No life of their own. Just support to the plot, and that’s a huge waste of potential. You don’t want your readers to put down your book and either forget the supporting characters existed at all, or believe that they were extra pieces of a puzzle.

Using Slang Badly

Writers should not feel the need to include current slang in order to make their story more relatable or popular amongst their targeted demographic. Slang is constantly changing, evolving, and most importantly, dying. Not to say that you should only write in traditional terms or put “thy” and “thee” everywhere, but using standard English and avoiding the trendy but temporary slang words is key.

If you must use slang, try to use the bare minimum and only in fitting circumstances. If your character is the type to say “OMG her dat boi memes are on fleek” then, by all means, go right ahead, but you probably cringed when you read that. That would have been totally normal 2 years ago, but every bit of that sentence has died over time, and no matter how much you think a slang word will stick, don’t risk it.

Sympathy and Envy Mongering

Two emotions that YA Fiction and Romance always try to invoke in their readers are sympathy and envy. The author either wants the reader to feel bad for one or many of the characters, or they want them to be jealous of the awesome (and usually unrealistic) lives the characters have. Don’t be one of these. It’s tired and boring and not original in the slightest.

Are sympathy and empathy both totally okay emotions?

Yes.

Are they all you need to write a good story?

Nope. Not at all.

The reader needs and wants to feel more than jealous of and sad for the characters in the story. The best stories are the ones that trigger a complex whirlwind of emotion. Sympathy and envy are the easy way out, and you get out of those emotions what you put into them.

Unrealistically Portraying Teenagers & Teenage Life

Teenagers look up to and compare themselves and their lives to the characters and lives of the characters in your story. Keeping in mind that your audience is young and impressionable is essential for authors of the genre.

Love At First Sight

Love-at-first-sight does not happen. Infatuation, maybe, but love is more complicated than that. Writing a plot based on “love at first sight” can leave a bad taste in your readers’ mouths from the start, and that is something you should avoid at all costs. On top of that, love-at-first-sight is a very easy-way-out move and if you’re dedicated to your characters and your story, there’s a good to fair chance that you can come up with a more satisfying build up.

Unrealistic Romantic Situations

If you’ve ever opened a YA Romance, chances are you’ve read a scene in which the protagonist and the love interest end up in a stunningly beautiful place and the love interest sweeps the protagonist off their feet prior to riding into the sunset. This, unfortunately, does not happen very often, especially in teenage relationships. The most romance you’re going to get (usually) is the love interest offering to pay for the protagonist’s bag of skittles with the leftover money from their paycheck they earned at McDonald’s.

Just because teenagers don’t really go to great lengths to rent an entire ice-skating rink in the middle of the night so they and their crush can skate to Ellie Goulding music doesn’t mean there can’t be cute and memorable moments. Great doesn’t always equal grand and that’s important to remember. A lot of the time, teenagers appreciate fantasizing about things that are actually possible.

Happy Endings

Not all stories have to end happily, and you’ve definitely been told this before, but nobody ever takes into account how stories about teenagers have so much potential when it comes to endings. Teenagers read books about teenagers and unfortunately, this means that a lot of them will take what you’re writing about and try to change their own lives to match. Be honest in your depiction about what actually happens when you leave high school.

The majority of the time, high school sweethearts won’t stay together. Long distance won’t work, they’ll find someone else, the spark will die out, their personalities will undergo drastic changes, and their goals and plans for the future will turn out differently than they expected. “And they lived happily ever after” is criticized harshly for a reason, especially in YA and YA Romance. Most stories don’t end happily, but there is more than one story in a person’s life and giving a person their happy ending as they graduate high school is a great injustice, to your character and your readers.

Avoiding The Dark Parts Of Teenage Life

Teenagers, despite what a lot of the media claims, go through some really serious and stressful and damaging things. Teenagers suffer from mental illness and deal with the intense pressure of the education system and hold their heads high in the face of stigma over every little detail about them. They suffer from eating disorders and body dysmorphia and self-harm tendencies, and that doesn’t even bring into account the bullying and family issues and the stress of constantly learning and feeling things for the very first time with little to no guidance or assurance or resources to ask for help. It is hard being a teenager. Do not forget that, and don’t leave the actual teenagers reading your story feeling underrepresented and/or abnormal because they aren’t as stress-free as the characters they look up to.

Exaggerating How Teenagers Interact With Each Other

A lot of teenage interactions are short, awkward, and uneventful. Teenagers aren’t super eloquent and socially apt, but YA Fiction seems to believe they are. It’s quite rare that a teenager will just walk up to someone they like, say “wanna go to dinner on Saturday?” and all will be fine and dandy. It’s quite rare that a teenager will saunter up to someone who talked about them behind their back, say something super clever and damaging to their enemy’s ego, and saunter off like the king/queen of the world. Those interactions look great in our heads, but they usually contain a few stuttered words and “um”s and blushing. Confidence is usually a trait that people develop later in life, so try not to push it if you’re trying to be realistic.

Maturity of Teenagers

Teenagers are underdeveloped human beings with minimal experience in most areas of life. They do not have it all figured out. A lot of YA books revolve around characters that are extremely intelligent, disciplined and ambitious at a level of maturity a 25-year-old be on. This is not accurate. Making characters “awkward” or “childish” does not have anything to do with how mature they seem to readers. There is a distinct difference between an awkward girl with childlike innocence and a girl who makes mistakes, does not have her life figured out, and is not yet comfortable with casual social interaction. The latter things I mentioned are pretty universal when it comes to teenagers.

Unfitting Aspirations

There are more than two paths in life. It seems that in YA you’re either going to graduate, get married, pop out a couple kids and live the rest of your life in the suburbs, or you’re going to leave home, go to college, travel for 20 years and settle in some random country in Europe writing poetry until the end of your days. There is no in between, which sucks. There are a lot of interesting things you can do in life, not to say that either of the two life paths I mentioned are uninteresting. You could take a gap year and travel the world, go to college, move back home for a couple years then maybe get a job that has you traveling and exploring new things for the rest of your life. You could meet the love of your life in college and have some kids but put them in online school so you could travel with them. You could live your whole life in an awesome cabin in the forest casting spells and adopting wild squirrels. There are so many ways life can be and restricting it to opposite extremes takes the imagination out of the future.

Not All Teenagers Think Their Relationships Will Last Forever

This one is pretty self explanatory, so long story short, not every relationship a teenager enters into is with the end goal of staying together forever, or even more than a few months. Most teenage relationships are pretty short and not very meaningful, and portraying every single couple in your stories as “we’ve been going strong for 2 years and plan on getting married right after graduation” is inaccurate and will probably cause your readers some disappointment in the future.

Relationships Aren’t A Teenager’s Only Concern

Most teenagers are more concerned about the F they got on a History test than they are about who they’re going to stare at next period. Everyone has more than just their crush to worry about. Some teenagers have to worry about where they’re going to get their next meal or how they’re going to get a ride home from school or even how they can apologize to a friend they’ve hurt. It’s not all about relationships for teenagers, in fact, relationships are a pretty small part of teenage life. If all your character has to think about is the hottie they sit next to in Biology, perhaps you should work a little more on character development.

Unnatural Appearances

Most teenagers are not model-level attractive. All teenagers have break-outs and leave the house late with greasy hair or with their shirt on inside out. No teenager shows up at school every day looking absolutely flawless, as if they’re about to walk down the runway. Please keep that in mind, because portraying teenagers accurately, especially when it comes to physical aspects such as weight, acne, etc. is super important. In YA and YA Romance, you must keep in mind that the teenagers you are trying to appeal to should not feel like a piece of trash because they aren’t as perfect as your characters. Yes, YA Fiction is Fiction, but just because you know that it’s unrealistic doesn’t mean your readers do. Readers of YA Fiction compare themselves to the characters in your books whether you like it or not. It is not hard to realistically portray physical appearances of teenagers.

Avoiding Dangerous Messages

A common problem found in YA Fiction is the lacing of dangerous messages found in the smaller details. You may miss them the first couple times you read a story, but if you go looking for them, you will find them, and perhaps you will find the source of a lot of mistakes you’ve made. YA has a bad habit of endorsing mindsets that lead to bad decisions. Some of them, however, can be avoided in your own writing.

The Need To Change The “Flawed” One

Nobody in this world is perfect. Expecting the person you supposedly love to be flawless all the time is not realistic. People make mistakes. People are not always happy and bubbly and confident about themselves. People do not always act the same one day as they did the day before. Human beings are flawed and should be portrayed as such, especially in the stage of their life which is the most confusing and scary. Teenagers are underdeveloped human beings, and for some reason, teenager girls in YA Romance expect teenage boys to be charming and loving and never ever make a mistake, which is ridiculous. Creating love interests that appear flawless and can make no mistakes is detrimental to your audience. It raises your readers’ expectations to an unattainable level which causes them disappointment and might cause their future partners unrepairable damage to their self-esteem because they’ll think that in order to find a partner, they cannot be flawed and cannot make mistakes.

Glorification Of Illegal Activity

It’s not “cool” or “edgy” to pump yourself full of deadly and mind-altering substances you know absolutely nothing about. It doesn’t make you “badass” and it isn’t a personality trait unless that trait is stupid. Whatever your position is on drugs or alcohol or whatever, there is no excuse for putting the idea in the heads of young readers that doing things that are illegal and addictive and that might even get you killed is ok. Not only because most of your readers are younger than 21, but because it will always be dangerous to take drugs, commit crimes, and drink. Your choices are your choices. Don’t impose your habits and excuses on kids who don’t know any better.

Slut Shaming

News flash: it’s 2017, people. Nobody cares who you’re kissing or dating or having sex with. People are finally getting used to the idea that maybe, just maybe, it’s not the end of the world if you do whatever you want, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else. This recurring theme of “I hate this person because they do what they want with their body” is getting old and annoying. Believe what you will regarding religion and morals and what is right or wrong or whatever you want to believe in, but the second you start turning your story into a commentary on the decisions and beliefs of other people, you’re in the wrong. There are other, more creative reasons to make your characters hate each other than their sexual activity.

Forgetting The First Times

One of the most exciting parts of being a teenager is that everything you’re experiencing, you’re experiencing for the first time. Everything is confusing and exciting and 10x more painful or memorable or enjoyable, and that’s neglected all the time in YA. I don’t mean the common trope of the first kiss or the losing of virginity. I mean love and infatuation and loss and heartbreak; it’s all happening to them for the first time in their lives, and these events make up their memories that they will carry with them forever. Teenage years are incredibly heavy times for people. It is, after all, the years in which they learn the most and the fastest and where the majority of their brain development takes place. These moments that you’re writing, the first kiss, the first time having sex, the first time your character loses someone they love, they’re all going to determine how your character will develop in the future. Treat them that way. Teach young readers that it’s normal and perfectly okay to be scared and inexperienced and lost. That’s the bitter-sweet part of youth and it’s beautiful.

Bad Boys And Boring Girls

Bad Boys are, in reality, bad news. The real “bad boys” in this world are slimy, manipulative jerks who trick girls (usually more than one at a time) into thinking they have feelings for them, using them for things like sex or money, and then either end up controlling their entire lives, introducing drugs and problems, or breaking their hearts. It’s sad, but it’s reality. Yes, there’s always a cause for this behavior, and sometimes these bad boys grow out of it, but that’s not always the case. Portraying these bad boys as “changeable” is not only dangerous for the female readers but also the men in their future. If you make girls think that they can change whomever they’re with to be the perfect prince charming, they will never be satisfied with someone who is flawed (spoiler alert: everyone is flawed) and they may destroy the self-esteem of whoever they’re with by making them think they need to change to be lovable.

Boring Girls are, sort of, connected to bad boys in this sense. They show up in every story, which makes sense financially because authors who make more relatable main characters sell more books. It’s just demographics. But at the same time, this stretch for a wider audience can end up influencing girls’ expectations of themselves and their love lives. If you make every protagonist completely boring, compliant, and devoid of strong, defining traits, girls will take that as advice. They will learn that all a girl has to do to make people fall in love with them is sit quietly and be pretty, which is horrible, in case you hadn’t noticed. Teach girls to look up to strong characters with rich personalities. Nowadays, that counts as an original idea.

Generalization

Portraying every aspect of teenage life and teenagers themselves as if you opened a book full of cliches, closed your eyes and pointed at something is not ok. High schools and families and personalities are different wherever you go, and making blind generalizations about aspects of teenage life can not only change how your reader interprets their own lives, but how adult readers assume teenage life is when they’re not around. It is important to not reinforce the assumption that there is always a popular clique and mean jocks and awkward nerds and dead-beat stoners because these stereotypes are a way for people to justify their snap-judgements, and not only does that say a lot about you as an author, but that will breed a whole new generation of judgmental, close-minded people.

Glorification Of Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors

I’m gonna say this once: It is not “hot” to have the love interest constantly putting restrictions on their supposed loved one. It’s not okay to borderline stalk someone and use “I love you” as an excuse, even if the person reciprocates your feelings. It is unhealthy to ignore someone when they say “no, no, not now” or “no, stop, not here” when you’re in the middle of initiating sex or even just kissing. It is disgusting when romance, especially YA Romance, which has mostly young, impressionable readers taking in your messages, promotes these behaviors like they’re something to strive for. Like it or not, your writing is going to alter the way they imagine a “perfect” relationship. If you aren’t willing to take that responsibility seriously, you should not be writing YA, and especially not YA Romance.

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Some interesting facts about Hank you might have missed (Detroit: Become Human)

DBH is full of little details that help understand the characters’ background and their motivations, details which can go entirely amiss if the player isn't paying enough attention to their surroundings. 

You have to play several times over to notice bits and pieces of information scattered everywhere and be able to reconstruct the characters’ background by patiently piecing them together. If you’re thorough enough, you can even uncover whole chunks of the characters’ past which they refuse to talk about (something VERY frequent in Hank’s case...and equally frustrating). 

Here are a few details about the life of Hank Anderson, the lieutenant who is chosen to help Connor with his investigation, along with some interpretations of my own about his mysterious past based on the evidence we find in the game:

[SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED]

The park where Hank goes to drink after the Eden Club mission is a playground for children. If you pay attention, you’ll see the place is full of recreational equipments, like a swingset, a toy house and a merry-go-round.  He says the place has a nice view and mentions going there a lot before something happened. This is where he used to bring his son Cole to play before his death.

What hurts most about this scene is how a human notices the photo of Hank’s dead son on his kitchen table, then the fact Hank drove to a playground and immediately associates them both, while an android (Connor) is unable to see the correlation between them. This is why Connor asks before what?. He’s clueless to the overwhelming evidence around him of Hank thinking about his son in that moment and choosing to revisit the playground. 

Hank used to be part of a multi-department unit called the Red Ice Task Force which successfully busted a ring of drug dealers that sold red ice in Detroit. He has a photo of his unit on his desk, and you can even see the notes he left on each of them, where some nicknames were scribbled and associated to each of their faces. Some of them are fond nicknames, others, not so much:

The nicknames (from right to left): 

Prick & Asskisser - the two male policemen in the far right

Nice girl - the smiling policewoman in front of Prick and Asskisser

Asshole - the smiling policeman on the front

Real police - the policewoman in the back, behind Asshole

A good cop - the policeman in the back, right next to her

Hank Anderson

??? - policeman on his left

Not seen since 2019. Owes me some $ - last policeman, in the far left

Hank worked in the Red Ice Task Force two years before the birth of his son Cole. Cole was born in 2029, as seen in the photo below.

Hank also lost his son in 2035, only three years before the events of DBH, as seen in Cole’s picture below.

The reason why Hank feels so disenchanted is because he worked hard to end the traffic of red ice in the city only to lose his son to a doctor who was a drug addict. This made him feel like his work was ultimately worthless and even guiltier about losing his son, since despite his efforts, there was nothing he could do to save him. The day Cole died, he learned he was fighting a losing battle. So he just gave up. On life. On his job as a good police officer. On everything.

Hank plays Russian roulette because deep down, he doesn’t want to die. Something keeps him from offing himself once and for all. He’s afraid of death. Proof of that is how scared he becomes when he is holding for dear life on the ledge right at top of that building during our chase for the deviant Rupert (where you must choose between saving Hank and keep chasing the android). Hank was so scared of the prospect of dying he punches Connor in the face and yells at him due to the android’s refusal to save him. Therefore, Hank might have suicidal tendencies, but he’s not truly suicidal. If he truly wished to die, then all he needed to do was to let go from that ledge or fully load his gun next time he’s at home and shoot himself. And he knows that.

His sense of guilt and helplessness for his son's death is what makes him so protective of Connor. He’s aware Connor is just an android. And yet prevents him from facing potentially fatal situations. Hank just can’t cope well with death and will project his fatherly feelings for Cole onto Connor. This is why he commits suicide if he witnesses Connor’s death over and over. But this is also the reason why he warms up to Connor throughout the game. He inevitably associates the android with Cole despite himself.

Hank shoots you if he’s hostile after Connor repeats over and over again that he's just a machine, unable to have real emotions. Hank's actions have two root causes: 

1) The doctor who was high on red ice was emotionally dysfunctional. He used drugs to cope with his personal problems, a behaviour that seemed normal in Detroit given the socioeconomic hardship the city was going through (thirty percent rate of unemployment). We also see how androids are progressively replacing humans in every line of work. Remember when Hank complained how people are replacing normal relationships with humans for androids (Eden Club mission)? This seems to be a big issue in Detroit. Along with the huge unemployment rate, it indicates a depersonalisation of human interaction. That is to say, a tendency for humans to avoid contact with each other and replace real interaction either with an android or with drug abuse, something which Hank not only disapproves, but finds disturbing.

2) In the very first scene of the game, we see the mother despair when she learns they sent an android instead of a real human to save her daughter. Hank’s son didn’t survive because an android was sent to save him. Or at least that’s how Hank sees it. Much like that mother, he believes Cole would be alive if a human doctor had been there for Cole, another consequence of the ongoing depersonalisation process, as Hank sees it. 

This is why it’s so important for Connor to restore Hank’s faith in the possibility of there still being real human interaction left in this world. Of there being people who CARE about something. And if Connor fails to do so, repeatedly telling Hank he’s just a machine, this will trigger Hank to the point he'll relive the day - or night - his son died because the hospital assigned a machine, something less than a human - an android - to save his son. Hank feels wronged, betrayed by mankind, by the very people he swore to protect as a police officer. Despite his efforts to save the city, they let him down. The fact that nobody cared enough to save Cole is what killed him inside and later triggered his suicidal tendencies. Human indifference took away the most important thing in his life.

Thoughout the game, Hank is watching you, trying to figure out what sort of person Connor is. This is why he questions your decisions after every mission. Remember his dialog with Connor where he asks why didn't he shoot Chloe at Kamski's place? That's when he begins to wonder if androids aren't more than just programmed machines and capable of free will...and even empathy.

Unless Connor’s actions succeed in restoring Hank's hope in humanity, he sees no light at the end of the tunnel. And what could give a disillusioned, mourning father more hope than an android being able to feel and empathise with both humans and androids, to the point he rebels against his program and spares his targets, regardless of his mission?

There might be more on Hank, so this post will be edited in the future as I notice more details with each gameplay. 

If you liked this analysis, please like and share it. Do not repost without mentioning the source or without posting a link to the original post. I think that goes without saying, right?

[sharp-teeth-and-archived]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐀 𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓 / 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat. Long post!

MUN NAME: Bambi / Eden     AGE: 18       CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord (search discord up on my blog)

CHARACTER(S): a shit ton

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Dragon Age, rdr2, assassin’s creed, star wars (sorta??)

FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  Modern verse, r.dr2, da, skyrim (haven’t touched my bio for it for a while so I may have to touch it up a bit) and that’s pretty much it for any au verse. They’re just crossover verses.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN ( my brand ) / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY (my 2nd brand) / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA / ETC.  ( I’m open to most things, it just depends on plot & muse )

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER (it happens but I tend to not favor it) / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ PARA / NOVELLA. / ALL

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO / OCCASIONALLY   - only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. / ALL

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. 

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ WEEKS / MONTHS / YEARS. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY INTERACTING WITH: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM (really depends on if you have oen in mind and we discussed it, it’s just not posted) / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. ( varies, but overall I tend to post more ooc? )

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  im me or talk to me over discord

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Not too much? I’d like for there to be a plot in mind, but I can understand if that’s not the case. I’ve had instances where I want to interact with a character, but have absolutely no idea in mind. Usually sendign in an ask meme can help in that regard.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  I strive to not be one-sided myself, but I do have instances where I can’t think of anything. I’m not sure? Maybe ask the other person if they’re into it or if something else is at play (dealign with real life problems and it just affects their mood voerall).

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I always try to give ideas of my own if I have any. Coming to a equally agreed, general idea is fine. I’ve had instances where I was on both sides of this, but I always try to add input and be equal with the other person.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - AND WHY?: Sometimes I don’t notice it, but sometimes I do. Generally, I like to know, but I understand if someone doesn’t wan tto reach out. Just at least try to let me know and we’re fine. 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  It depends really. Sometimes I just don’t have muse for a thread, or an instance where I have dropped a muse entirely. Sometimes it can be timing, but that’s rarely the issue. Most of the time it’s just I can’t think of anything and I feel like it hasn’t really gone anywhere? I have stuff in my queue for a while, so soemtimes it appears that way until it’s posted and I’m sorry about that.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. ( I do have instances where I was forgetful and I haven’t told my partner int he apst adn I’m sorry about that. )

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO. - AND WHY?: I don’t need to be tlaked every day, but stronger friendships ( ooc & ic ) are formed when I talk to a person. It doesn’t need to be often, but it helps me understand your chaarcter and your approach. With that, I can come up with ideas and understand you rmuse more. I understand if people aren’t fond of ooc chatting, that’s completely understandable to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: Criticsm is a good way to grow. Criticsm is different from completely bashing a perosn’s portrayal and not giving any pointers (ex: “your portrayal sucks.”). Or even for a person. If you feel like I am portraying something wrong, like depression or something similar, let me know. If you feel like Lydia’s adhd isn’t properly portrayed, let me know. 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: All of my muses are written and taken an interest in for different reasons, sometimes I don’t even know why I decided to write them. I roleplay because I love exploring different characters and dyanamics and it’s easier for me to write like this than forming my own story. But a goal in mind? Be a good rp partner I guess? Or at least try to make things interesting and try my best to portray my characters correctly or in an intruiging manner. 

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  Varies on muse. I have different plots in my wishlist tag: ( wishlist ). 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   Potential triggering content ahead. Rape, noncon, abuse, incest, drug use -not alcohol- ( lyrium I can write fine, it’s just the realistic stuff I can’t do. ), inappropiate under age stuff. Themes where I write a stalker. Sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and racism will never be mentioned by any of my characters. I won’t write smut probably ever, so themes with that I tend to not write. Very likely more, I just can’t think of anything. Within dragon age, I do have a characetr ( Sera ) who will refer to elves as elfy-elves and be pretty anti-elf, which can be triggering to others. Also, animal abuse or gore of any kind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: I can’t work with starters that don’t really have any dialogue (handing something over with nothing vocally said is fine, but when someone is just sitting there, that’s harder to work with unless somethign is plotted). Generally, I like outside circumstances to be explained (locaiton, where in a game/setting this might be occuring, etc), I really like when dialogue is added and body landguage is explained/noted.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  Honestly? it varies. I tend to really be into deep, complex characters or characters that appear can be sterred in that direction with more added. Bubbly, energetic characters, fighters (typically female). Quick witted or flirty characters & mysterious types. 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  I hate using the term but mary-sue/gary-sue. I hate saying that, but if a character has no flaws, I won’t be interested. Or characters that seem to just be placed there with no development. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I try to add as much effort, or at least a lot of effort, in replies & interaction. I am very open-minded and when I get passionate about soemthing, you can really tell. I am easy-going, so feel free to tell me if you want to drop a thread or have a concern. I tend to work well of other’s people’s ideas, usually able to add my own.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am slow and my queue tends to be slow since I try not to overhwelm myself and stress myself out to the heavens. I try to reach out, but sometimes I just can’t think of anything to say. My muse can be very flickle at times, so replies to stuff can vary. My msue tends to be more for ask memes than replies at times. 

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. 

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN, FADE TO BLACK?: YES / NO.

WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?:

ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  all of it

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. ( I love ships, but I am selective with it and require chemistry -unless I know your muse and you occ super, super well-. It’s nice but it isn’t he full focus of this blog. I want to explore my characters and witness other people’s characters and their development. )

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP ( Jacob ) / DUAL-SHIP  —  MULTIVERSE / SINGLEVERSE.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Varies on muse, but for my rdr2 characters I’ve been really wanting a sorta of “outside” character where they aren’t directly involved in the gang, but they are in a relationship with oen of their members. Where my muse,w hose in the gang, will tell you rmuse about it and the whole aftermath of everything. Where their partner will understand to an extent, but try to undestand? if that makes sense? I also want enemies to work on a job/project together and deal with that. But this all also varies on muse.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  ( I find it easier to write to assume people knwo each other, but an immediate friendship isn’t required. Like my muse may know yours or hear about yours, but they haven’t directly met you before ). 

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: I have a large amount of different muses, but all of my muses all bring something new to the table. Want a guy who seems nice, but can be an asshole with a flick of a dime, who has a secret betrayal plot hidden behind his back? Pick Robert. Want a guy who’s humurous but seems to be hiding under a fake persona? Pick Charley. Want a female assassin who’s very talented anr professional in her work to a fault with her work-alcoholic ways? Pick Evie. Want a sweet and caring character with a heart of gold and will give you advice and comfort? Pick Cassie It depends on the plot, too, but I try my best to add as much to reply to to another. If you ever want more added, tell me! I could give multiple plots, so it’s really hard to put something down.

WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  If someone isn’t interested or outwardly hateful of my muse without a valid reason when starting to interact. Beign enemies is fine, but maybe we could write how it became that way? This really varies, so don’t let this steer you away. Just give me something to work with, brign soemthing to the tbale, and I’m usually fine.

WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, WHAT IS THEIR GOAL?:  Varies on muse. Robert: fame/recognition, a legend made out of him. Charley: just to live life happy? He wants to be okay money-wise. Evie: to take down the Templars & help the people of London, not fail and always be successful and outwit her foes. Cassie: everyone around her happy. Sean: His gang to be successful, btu also be sucessful himself, he wants to be admired as well.

WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  Just using the same muses lmao. Robert: Someone who just listens to him and isn’t quick to make fun of him. Charley: If they have a sense of humor and someone he can stand, he’s pretty much fine tbh. Evie: If they can give her any information or aid with her cause. Cassie: How they are feeling. If they let her just listen and seem more open than closed off. Very personality-based. Sean: soemtimes looks, but mostly if they have a similar personality as him.

WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Evie: devotion, kind spriit, efficiency, loyalty. Robert: willingness and empathy despite having little himself. Charley: Honesty. Cassie: Consistency. Sean: reliability. 

WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  generally all of them like books (except Sean), events around them, their interests.

WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  For half of them, anything mundane or boring. Anything that isn’t relating to anything that’s spoken around / surrounds them.

DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  Robert & Charley (more Robert) witnessed a murder, Robert actually doing that act. Cassie: hearing about the violent nature of her father’s death. Sean: the things he went through with the bounty hunters.

WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  A gunshot or anything that could overpower them.

IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Sean: rich people, Scots for some reason, English people sometimes. When someone disagrees with him on soemthing he is passionate about. Pronouncing and Irish word wrong. O’Driscolls & anyone that’s an enemy of the gang. Evie: Templars, Starrick & Lucy Thorne. People who lie or misled her or others. Injustice. Robert: Someone makign fun of him tbh. Charley: People who don’t plan out anything or are really reckless.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO.    - BEST WAY TO APPROACH THEM?: Talk to them. Initiate a conversation. Pretty much that across the board. 

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: None of my muses are perfect. Some are worse than others, but generally msot of my muses will listen to you and usually be nice to you if you appraoch them well. All my muses are different from one another, so expect different results / reactions

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED: stole it

 TAGGING: steal it and pelase tag me ! I want to see your results

[raymondklhi340-blog]

Lodi's Treasure Island Red Wine Fest

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[leveluprpmoved]

hi lovely admins! i was just wondering if it would be possible for a sample app to be made for potential applicants as a guide for what's expected of an app?

Sure thing! I’ll try to update this on the application guide but for now, I’ll try doing it using one of my favorite Marvel characters. If you do need help and the guide didn’t work for you then please feel free to ask on what is confusing you. 

[ OOC ]

Name: mod n

Age: 2x

Timezone: (GMT timezones are preferred but you can use EST/PSt/CST/etc.)

Pronouns: she/her

Triggers: none

Why do you want to join as this character? Just answer with why you like writing them or want to try the character if you haven’t. If you don’t have a clear reason then just give it your best. This question is in the case that we have two people apply for the same character and also just to get a little info for future events and so forth. 

[ IC ]> IN GAME

Alias: Silk

Hero, Villain or Neutral? Hero

Specie: Human

Power origin: Enhanced via spider bite, mutation.

Powers: Spider physiology (You can be pretty general about this, however, if you want to go into detail then go ahead.)

Guild: Solo player ( If your character isn’t officially part of a team in the MCU then you can go for solo player)

[ IC ]-> REALITY

Name: Cindy Moon

Age: 17

Occupation: Midtown High Student

Faceclaim: Tiffany Espensen 

Writing sample as your character: (For this portion you can basically write anything you want as long as you’re writing it as the character. My two paragraphs aren’t going to be too neat since this is just an example but just have fun with it.) It was late at night and Cindy had just gotten out of decathlon practice. With any luck, she’d be able to find leftovers in the fridge from dinner if her brother hadn’t decided to eat them. First, she had to get herself inside, her parents had always been strict about her being out late. It was dangerous at night, she knew living in the city meant having to keep an eye over your shoulder once in a while but generally, she did not have a problem coming late from practice or from late night hangs with her still secret boyfriend, Hector. Tonight, there was just something that kept making a chill crawl up her spine. As she kept walking herself home, she just couldn’t shake off the inkling of a feeling that something or somebody was following her. Perhaps she began to develop her game character’s spidey sense but one thing was for sure, she had to get home. Fast. Maybe it was the adrenaline rushing through her body or the fact that she was aching to get home to food and a warm bed, but, her steps began to become bigger as she trailed they rest of her way home. I believe that’s all! I’m sorry for any typing errors on my part for this post, it’s a little late but I did want to help with this! This is basically how an application should look but again if something isn’t clear then we can always help out. I’m really hoping this helped! -Mod n

[bountyofbeads]

Fear of immigration raids looms as plans for ICE ‘family operation’ move forward

https://wapo.st/2NB2SW0

The Trump administration is purposely cruel and inhumane by instilling fear and psychological trauma in immigrant communities and will cause lasting damage to their psyche. 👇👇🤔 🤬🤬😭😭😭

Fear of immigration raids looms as plans for ICE ‘family operation’ move forward

By Nick Miroff, Maria Sacchetti, Arelis R. Hernández and Josh Dawsey | Published

July 06 at 7:00 AM ET | Washington Post | Posted July 6, 2019 |

President Trump said his administration will move forward “fairly soon” with a plan to arrest thousands of migrant families in surprise roundups across major U.S. cities, with the two-week deadline he imposed on Democrats expiring Saturday.

Trump tipped off the mass arrests in a June 17 tweet, vowing “millions” of deportations, but called them off five days later. The president tweeted that he delayed the raids for two weeks at Democrats’ request, “to see if the Democrats and Republicans can get together and work out a solution to the Asylum and Loophole problems at the Southern Border.”

“If not,” he wrote, “Deportations start!”

Trump’s threats have left immigrants living in the United States illegally in a fog of dread, putting neighborhoods on edge and making residents fear venturing outside.

Eva, who works at a plant nursery in Homestead, Fla., said she has stopped going to the park and makes trips to the grocery store every few weeks.

“I don’t know when I leave in the morning if I’ll come home in the night,” said Eva, who arrived illegally 19 years ago from Mexico and whose teen daughter is a U.S. citizen.

“They could come and get me at any time,” she said. She spoke on the condition that her last name not be used.

In addition to many lawmakers being out of town and the deadline for congressional action expiring over the weekend, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement is in transition: Many supervisors and agents have been on vacation for the July 4 holiday, and the current acting head, Mark Morgan, is leaving to start a new job Monday as the acting chief of U.S. Customs and Border Protection.

Carol Danko, a spokeswoman for ICE, declined to discuss the agency’s plans.

“ICE does not comment on sensitive law enforcement operations,” she said.

The president did exactly that, though, in his June 17 tweet advertising mass arrests he said would start the following week. Operational details of the plan began leaking out and circulating on Capitol Hill soon after.

White House aides and Homeland Security officials were frustrated that the president put ICE’s plans on Twitter, prompting concerns that the operation’s blown cover diminished its chances for success and jeopardized the safety of federal agents. Administration officials said it was the uproar that followed — not a potential deal with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) — that led to the operation’s delay.

Justice Department and Homeland Security officials began working on the “family operation” in late 2018 to deport some of the Central American parents and children who have been arriving in record numbers during the past year, viewing the arrests as a deterrent to future migration.

The Justice Department fast-tracked the cases of thousands of families, many of whom claimed fear of harm if sent back. Homeland Security officials say 90 percent of those ordered deported did not show up for their court hearings.

ICE developed a target list this spring with thousands of names in at least 10 cities, including Houston, Los Angeles, New York and other major immigrant destinations. Senior Trump adviser Stephen Miller and other White House officials urged the arrests and deportations to be carried out in a highly visible fashion for the sake of maximum publicity.

The “family op” stalled, though, as Homeland Security officials worried it would trigger a wave of outrage similar to the fury over last year’s “zero tolerance” family separations.

ICE acting director Ronald Vitiello and Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen were ousted in April when they challenged the plan, doubting its preparation and timing. Kevin McAleenan, who is acting secretary of Homeland Security, also hesitated last month, warning the roundups would potentially incur more separations, inflaming Democrats and jeopardizing a supplemental funding bill to alleviate the crisis at the Mexico border.

Lawmakers passed the $4.6 billion border bill in the past week in a rare bipartisan vote that exposed fissures between moderate and left-wing Democrats over immigration policy.

With the money approved, White House and DHS officials say the operation will go forward in the coming weeks.

Matthew Albence, who takes over Sunday as ICE’s acting chief for the second time this year, is a leading proponent of the family operation, viewing it as crucial to upholding U.S. law and his agency’s role as the enforcer of judicial orders.

Trump’s June 22 tweet crediting Pelosi with the delay was a “face-saving” move, said one senior administration official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to contradict the president’s public statement.

Since then, acting Trump chief of staff Mick Mulvaney’s office has been working with Homeland Security officials to figure out if the family operation can proceed in a more targeted way, instead of the “shock and awe” approach favored by Miller and others.

White House officials said they have also been concerned the administration lacks a fully cooked communications strategy to explain the goals of the mass arrests and minimize the potential fallout from images of families being taken into custody.

The plan is to carry out the arrests in a more piecemeal fashion, without announcing dates or times in advance, the senior official said, cautioning there is “always a chance POTUS blurts them out.”

The president has been briefed on the broad strokes of the plan, but not the precise details, the official said.

ICE officials expect they may be able to detain only 10 to 20 percent of their targets in each city, so they are trying to calibrate the president’s expectations, particularly after he pledged to sweep up millions of deportation-eligible foreigners.

Officials at ICE concede that few of the families on their list are likely to be encountered at the addresses provided to the courts. The agency is expecting to find some of those individuals and make “collateral” arrests of others they encounter who lack legal status or have outstanding deportation orders.

In the meantime, other Homeland Security officials are telling the public that the family arrest plan is back on track.

Ken Cuccinelli II, acting director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, told Fox Business Network on Friday that ICE’s mission is “going to go forward.”

“The president’s determined about it. I’m sure Matt Albence is ready and raring to go,” said Cuccinelli, who does not oversee immigration enforcement. “And he’s preparing his agency to recommence doing what they view as their job. And I think Americans should expect that.”

Cuccinelli said he did not know the timeline for the raids and said officials “will not preannounce” them. He said the publicity over last month’s planned raids — which he called a “media mess” — had complicated the government’s plans.

Large-scale federal law enforcement operations are not publicized ahead of time, to protect the safety of officers and increase the chances that the targets can be caught unaware.

Cuccinelli also criticized House Democrats, saying they impaired the raids and failed to close asylum “loopholes” that officials say are fueling the border surge. The Trump administration is urging Democrats to pass laws that would grant greater flexibility to detain and deport unaccompanied minors and families who claim asylum. Most are quickly released pending a court hearing because of federal laws and court rulings that limit how long the government can detain children.

The constant churn of threats and rumored raids has left those facing potential deportation on edge.

Rosa Gutierrez Lopez, a mother of three, took refuge in the Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church in Bethesda, Md., seven months ago after immigration officials ordered her to go back to El Salvador. There, friends visit her, ministers teach her to meditate and she can join conference calls with others seeking protection in different cities.

They encourage one another, debate the latest declarations from Trump and update each other on new, strange letters from ICE to their old home addresses.

“We are all just waiting for an opportunity, for the laws to change and for someone to have a heart,” Gutierrez Lopez said. “There is nothing good waiting for us in our countries.”

Across the United States, volunteers are setting up hotlines so immigrants can report raids, and they are organizing volunteers to fan out to observe arrests and help afterward. Advocates are promoting videos in multiple languages — including Spanish, Urdu and Russian — that immigrants can watch at home to prepare for the moment an immigration agent knocks on their door. Advocates are teaching immigrants their legal rights in hair salons, supermarkets and church halls. Some are finding places for immigrants to hide.

The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services, a Texas-based nonprofit agency that aids immigrants, launched a letter-writing campaign to senators and representatives urging them to pressure ICE to stop the raids, calling them “domestic terrorism.” More than 18,300 people have sent the letters since June 21, the day before Trump canceled the first raids, the nonprofit said.

Immigrant families are stashing away money, seeking out church pastors for advice or sanctuary and having “the talk” with their children about the possibility that one day an immigration agent could knock on their door.

“They’re definitely scared,” said Angelica Salas, executive director of the Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles, which is teaching immigrants their legal rights in private sessions. “Even if the numbers are small, the purpose of the raids and the show of force is to scare a larger population. The threat is purposely meant to affect and destabilize a whole group of people. It’s that psychological attack. Maybe they’ll come for me. Maybe they won’t. Maybe it’ll be my neighbor. It’s very mentally draining.”

Lori Rozsa in Homestead, Fla., and Seung Min Kim in Washington contributed to this report.

[uchihasavior]

I don’t really care if you reblog-- Feel free to add to any of your answers! The purpose is to tell your partners about the way you write! :) For the multiple choice ones, bold all that apply and, if you want, italicize if it’s a conditional answer!

– B A S I C S –

NAME: Esu ALIAS(ES)/HANDLE(S): Esu ARE YOU OVER 18?  Yes / No IS YOUR MUSE?  Yes / No ( verse dependent ) WHEN WAS YOUR BLOG ESTABLISHED? June 2013 babey

– W R I T I N G –

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) - i answer prompts from non-mutuals) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH DO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all  / A little  / Some / Mostly / Strictly / NA

Canon HAS to be the base starting point unless we discussed details otherwise. If I cannot use canon timeline as a starting point, I will focus on Itachi’s behavior/beliefs foremost. I’m really bad at crossovers/modern ideas.

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs / Icons / Yes

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes  (Discord)

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots (set up a meeting and see what happens) / Semi-Plotted (one or two steps ahead) / Fully Plotted Epics (plotted beginning, middle, and end)

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days)

It depends on what I’m doing, honestly. Sometimes I’m home but just wanna do other shit 8I

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational / Dark

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers) No / Yes / Sometimes

I generally draw the line at really ridiculous things that don’t make sense. As far as ~taboo~ things I don’t really care.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS? HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED? No / Yes

It’s not a trigger but please don’t make me face SasuSaku. 

– S H I P P I N G –

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial (canon) / Familial (OCs)

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial (canon) / Familial (OCs)

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry Only / Yes

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No / Yes

SasuSaku lmaooo

As far as Itachi ships: ItaDei, ItaSaku, KakaIta

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual & Pansexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual

He doesn’t know that, though.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Selectively / Yes

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions / Slow burn / Never (not open to romantic ships)

Depends on what the ship is, and if the premise of the plot means they are already together, etc. Some ships take longer to build, some can just be assumed.

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (incest, canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.)

No / Selectively / Yes

I’ve written incest, rape, abuse, addiction, etc etc. I understand that there’s a new wave of purity policing going around but I’ve never been really down for that. I think that only engaging with a slice of “morally acceptable” topics shackles story-telling potential and, quite honestly, reflects immaturity in the audience. There’re professional works out there that do similar or even worse, so why the hell should amateur creators be limited in what they create?

[[ I’m just gonna leave Sel’s comment as it stands because it’s perfect.]]

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / (very) Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? No  / Yes

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Occasionally

– T A G G I N G! –

TAGGED BY: @sennokami

TAGGING: no one you can’t MAKE ME

[stillrecruitingrp]

The D.A. has recruited Nicky to the character of Tracey Davis with a faceclaim of Jung Eun-ji. How long do you think you can keep fooling them, Tracey? That much filth is hard to hide, you know...

OOC Details

Name: Nicky

Pronouns: she/her

Activity Level: medium; I should be able to post multiple replies three to four times a week, with an at least cursory online presence more often than that. Sometimes I get bogged down with other projects or deadlines, but I will always try to alert via the ooc when that is/will happen so my interaction partners aren’t left wondering where I’ve gone!

Acknowledgement: I acknowledge the potentially triggering themes and look forward to the uncertainty and excitement of the roulette.

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General IC Details

Name: Tracey Patricia Davis

Age: eighteen, born November 21st

Ships: no specific ships; Tracey is bisexul but coming from a Muggle background means that she isn’t exactly comfortable with this and has so far managed to push her burgeoning queerness onto the back-burner (although that’s getting harder the most stress she’s under; it would be nice to lose her strife in a few soft kisses or warm caresses, but she’s afraid to let anyone -- boy or girl -- get that close).

Gender/Pronouns: cis-female, she/her

Face Claim: Jung Eun-ji or Maisie Richardson-Sellers

Desired Changes: none

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BIO Questions

This game is Canon Divergent after the beginning of Deathly Hallows. This means, if a character is not at Hogwarts in canon, that can be altered (maybe Fleur goes to collect her husband’s little sister and ends up unable to leave the rest of the children there? Perhaps Harry comes back earlier…but why, and how? All of these things can be addressed and should be in your application!) Feel free to be creative!

Biography:

Once upon a time Tracey was a cheerful, happy, awkward little girl growing up in Cookham with a happy, cheerful little family of mum, step-dad, and baby brother Bobby. She liked coming up with fun new ways to wear her clothes, leaving her chewing gum in places that would make mum yell, and listening to Sheila Chandra, Duran Duran, and The Levellers. Mum was a general practitioner, dad a grocer, and little Bobby just a bundle of drool and diapers. Then the witch showed up on their doorstep and told Tracey there was something different about her...and she didn’t mean it the way the neighborhood kids did. So Tracey went off to Hogwarts School, where her troubles began the moment she was sorted.

There are more Muggle-borns in Slytherin House than people suspect. Tracey is one of them, although she -- like most of the Slytherins who share her blood-status -- was clever enough to figure out quickly that this wasn’t a good thing, so she fabricated a story about her grandmother being a squib whose family didn’t want her going around claiming kinship over the embarrassment of having produced a child without a trace of magic. That’s not a far-fetched tale, so no one ever questioned her -- especially since Tracey played-up her own “disdain” toward inferior blood and her own Muggle relations. She was over-compensating, yes, and her housemates could probably tell -- but they let her fake it and they played along. That’s something else that happens more often than admitted in Slytherin House: because there’s such a focus on purity of blood, most everyone is eager to claim as much magical ancestry as possible -- even if that means lying about a few muddy branches on the family tree.

Tracey was never exactly popular in her house, but she wasn’t scorned either; she knew to flatter the right people, and as long as she grinned her way through the occasional barb about “magical dead-ends” from Pansy Parkinson or the other “elites” she wasn’t mocked too badly, despite her lack of familiarity with the magical world -- a familiarity that Tracey has been working to acquire ever since her first night in the dungeons, whether that mean listening to her housemates or spending her free hours in the library flipping through every volume on wizarding society and history that she can get her hands on. She also developed a knack for transfigurative stitching, which helped her alter some of her clothes so they didn’t look quite so dreadfully Muggle -- although she still stuck-out whenever she wore something other than her uniform. Fortunately most people pitied her for her squib ancestry rather than ostracizing her, and she founds friends who were willing to help tutor her in keeping up with all the important things that schoolbooks didn’t teach -- all of which meant that when rumor of Voldemort’s resurrection reached Tracey’s ears, she knew enough of what was coming to know that she’d more than a flimsy story about a secret squib to keep her safe now.

Fortunately being in Slytherin meant she had friends with influence and leverage in the Ministry, although she hesitated to trust any of them with the truth -- but inspiration and an understanding of the world she now inhabited gave her the solution: claim that she needed fake documentation to back-up her “true” blood-status, since the family she was really related to would have been furious to have a squib shoved back onto their family tree after they’d gone to all the trouble of getting rid of them. Tracey isn’t sure whether she managed to pull that story off, or if they just took pity on her -- but either way, she got the documentation she needed to be able to go back to school when the Muggle-born Registration Commission started investigating magic-stealers.

School Year So Far:

Tracey has never told her parents about the magical world’s issues with blood-status, or the way she lied about her family’s history in order to be accepted. She knows they wouldn’t be pleased; her mum and dad raised her to be proud of who she is and to hold her head high and ignore anyone who said anything nasty about her heritage. But they don’t understand how different it all is in the magical world, where no one looks askance at her ethnicity but so many of them would shun her completely for being a Mudblood. That slur seems to have so much more weight than any of the ones she’s been treated to in the Muggle world -- maybe because it cuts to the core of who she is rather than flickering out at what she looks like. Regardless, they never knew, and it wasn’t like any of her magical friends were ever going to come visiting to give her away, was it? Maybe she sometimes feels a little ashamed of pretending to be someone she isn’t...but better than the alternative, she tells herself, and keeps the charade going.

That meant her parents had no reason to hesitate over sending her back to Hogwarts for her final year of school, and the Ministry had no reason to stop her, so she went -- that was the goal behind getting those fake documents, after all! But now she’s here at Hogwarts, and she’s quaking in her shoes waiting for the day when someone finds out. She has a big, dangerous secret she’s keeping, and she’s starting to crumble under the strain -- as much from indignation as from fear, surprisingly. Tracey is ambitious too, after all (there was a reason she was sorted into Slytherin!) and her ambitions don’t include pretending to be “better” than she “really” is forever, not when she knows she’s better than that -- and the lie sticks in her craw more and more every year, every time she has to laugh at some other Mudblood to cover for her own ancestry, every time she has to put-down her pathetic parents for their lack of magical gifts, every time she has to help the Carrows torture some hapless idiot who can’t keep their mouth shut. She does as she’s told, of course -- a girl with “squib” ancestry can’t risk getting on the wrong side of Death Eaters -- but her rage over the unfairness of it all coils in her belly like hot lead, burning to get out.

But Tracey keeps her mouth shut because she’s clever enough to know that now is not the time to take a stand on principle -- is it?

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OOC Questions

Writing Sample

Tracey’s knees knocked together and her palms kept sweating, no matter how many times she wiped them off on the sides of her robes. For once she was glad for the cumbersome clothing favored in the magical world (even after six years, she still preferred her comfortable cargo pants or denims) because the enshrouding fabric hid her shaking as she waited for them to call her name.

She tried not to look at the other nervous, sweaty people standing with her -- or at the guards watching them, alternately grim-faced or leering. Tracey wasn’t the only defendant clutching a sheaf of paper as though it was her only lifeline out of a freezing ocean, and she doubted she was the only one whose heart was currently pounding its way up her throat either. They were all trying hard to avoid meeting one another’s eyes, as though afraid that guilt could be contagious. Tracey thought that was a bit silly, because the whole reason they were here was to try and prove that they had some connection to the magical world, so if they could show connections to one another, wouldn’t that help to prove that they were more magic than Muggle...?

Before she could follow that line of thought through to a conclusion, the sound of her name being barked by the officiant manning the door jolted her from her reverie and made her jump.

Shaking worse than ever, Tracey hurried forward, trying not to trip over her robes or her nerves. She could feel the eyes of the other accused Muggle-borns darting over and sliding away as she passed them, everyone unable to resist the urge to stare at the latest victim to face Ministerial inspection but unwilling to be caught staring. She did her best to ignore them all, keeping her eyes fixed ahead and trying to school her face into an expression of unconcern.

By the time she crossed the threshold into the courtroom, she still didn’t think she’d succeeded, but it became almost immediately irrelevant because her expression -- whatever it was -- was immediately replaced by surprise at the sight of the witch waiting at the high table inside. Her jaw dropped and hung open, as though she were an overwhelmed first year facing the wonders of the magical world for the first time again -- although the frigid, grim courtroom with its solitary defendant’s chair and empty encircling benches was far from wonderful. The witch presiding, though, was both familiar and unmistakable, if not exactly pleasant-looking either.

“Professor Umbridge?” Tracey gasped, her steps faltering. One of the black-robed guards caught her by the elbow and marched her forward but Tracey barely noticed; she was too busy gaping.

Professor Umbridge -- or no, not professor anymore, was she? -- leaned forward over the edge of her table so she could stare down at Tracey. “Miss Davis, isn’t it?” she said, in her obnoxiously performative fake-little-girl voice. “I’m very disappointed to see you here, I have to say.”

“I’m -- I’m not thrilled about it myself, er, professor,” Tracey stammered. “But I think if you’ll look, you’ll see it’s all just a...an unfortunate bit of confusion...” She shoved the papers she held up onto the edge of Umbridge’s table and tried to smile. One of the other guards cleared her throat and Tracey stepped back quickly. She tucked her hands away behind the long sleeves of her robes, out of sight, and crossed her fingers. Was all her effort to ingratiate herself to this horrible woman two years ago finally going to pay off?

Umbridge shuffled through the papers a few times, darting the occasional squinty glance at Tracey between pages. After what felt like days but was probably only a few minutes, she finally said, “Well! This does seem to be in order. I quite understand why neither you nor the No -- well, the family involved wanted your connection to them publicized...”

Tracey stiffened. “Please don’t make it public!” she blurted. “Please -- they would be so mad, having to acknowledge a squib, that’s why I never told anyone, my grandmother said--”

Umbridge held up a hand with a short “Hem, hem!” and Tracey fell silent, waiting with baited breath. In truth of course she wasn’t worried that the family she had fabricated a connection to would be cross; she was worried that they would, just justifiably, deny said connection and offer proof that it wasn’t true -- which wouldn’t be hard for them to do, Tracey was sure, given that the documents she had provided were completely false. If Umbridge chose to make her life “difficult” by “embarrassing” the pure-bloods that Tracey was claiming familial ties with, she’d make things much more difficult than she thought she was...

But Umbridge only said, “Oh no, of course not, dear girl. That would be heartless. And it’s admirable that you’ve chosen to respect the wishes of the family rather than trumpeting your roots for all to hear. It’s very polite, discreet. Better behavior than one usually sees from those raised by Muggles -- but I suppose you’ve learned a lot from your housemates, hmm?”

Tracey nodded. “Ever so much, ma’am, yes.” Like how to arrange for falsified documents showing that your utterly Muggle grandmother was really the squib descendant of a famed pure-blood family, for instance. “I’ve tried so hard to fit in, you know, to do my bloodline proud even if it’s not one I can acknowledge publicly...”

“And I’m sure you’ll make them proud, secretly. You’ve been studying hard for your N.E.W.T.s?”

“Oh yes, ma’am!” Tracey’s hands were starting to shake from how tightly her fingers were clenched, but she forced herself to keep smiling.

“Splendid! I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully,” Umbridge tittered, holding Tracey’s papers out for her to take back. “Good luck at Hogwarts this year, Miss Davis. It was lovely to see you again.”

“You, too,” Tracey lied, and followed the guard out of the courtroom. Her knees were still shaking but this time as she passed the other accused Muggle-borns she was grinning -- even if she still couldn’t bring herself to meet their eyes.

Exploration

TORTURE & HYPOCRISY: Tracey is used to over-compensating, used to deferring to her more socially advantaged (and purer) housemates, used to lying about her true opinions -- but now the stakes have raised and the Carrows don’t just demand that she laugh at their ugly jokes about Mudbloods, they want her to torture her fellow students. It honestly isn’t the spells themselves that Tracey objects to (maybe it’s because she comes from a non-magical world, a world where terrible weapons of war are a fact of life that can’t be ignored as easily as the Unforgivables) so much as it is the fact that she knows she is their real target. And not just because she knows that her status as a “squib’s descendant” means she’s more susceptible to punishment herself than most of her housemates (and she’s experienced her fair share of the curses herself) but because the truth is even worse in their eyes. Sure, she doesn’t hesitate to raise her wand when one of the Carrows tells her to -- and she’ll readily admit that it’s been interesting learning a form of magic that relies more on emotion than most spells -- and while it’s not comfortable by any means to be made to hurt her classmates, what really upsets her is knowing that she doesn’t have a right to. According to the Death Eaters, she’s the one who really deserves to be tortured -- and no, she doesn’t agree with that of course, but she does feel like a hypocrite when she’s hiding behind her house placement and her documents so she can stay safe while she hurts somebody else who isn’t lying about who they are and what they believe. Is that enough to push her into taking a stand -- or is it more likely that she’ll double-down and work even harder to excel at the Carrows’ new lessons, over-compensating to hide her dismay and her secrets just like she’s always done?

OPEN-MINDEDNESS: Growing up in the Muggle world means that Tracey lacks the prejudices and presumptions common to wizaring children (yet carries several more mundane such viewpoints, of course) so for instance -- the Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry? While she figured that out fast, and has certainly learned to dislike Gryffindor House on principle due to all the squabbles and competition between the houses, that’s all it is to her -- a squabble, mostly wrapped-up in sport it seems, and not some insurmountable barrier that she wouldn’t be willing to vault under the right circumstances (not that a Gryffindor would ever be likely to reach out to some Slytherin “squib’s grandchild” for any reason...right?). Even more notable -- the name Voldemort? It doesn’t actually terrify her. She’s a little rattled by it just because of how rattled everyone else gets anytime it’s mentioned, but it doesn’t have the same power over her that it does most of the people she knows. The same is true of the Unforgivable Curses -- they’re just more spells, to her. Nasty spells, to be sure, but there are a lot of nasty spells; what really makes the Cruciatus Curse so much worse than any other hex, aside from the fact that it hurts more? She knows that Dark Magic is bad -- just like she knows guns and nukes and bombs are bad -- but she doesn’t recoil from it on principle. She doesn’t recoil from any spells on principle, because she didn’t grow up with those principles and prejudices. This makes her more open-minded about what can be done with spells, or which spells are okay to use when and where and to whom; makes her willing to cross lines that her friends would instinctively balk at. Tracey has done a lot to learn the unspoken rules of the wizarding world -- but that doesn’t mean she’s internalized them all. Doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to break them all, even.

MUDDIED ALLEGIANCE: Tracey is sort of stuck in the middle right now -- to every appearance a dutiful Slytherin, far from pure-blooded but aware of the limitations of her own blood-status and loyal to the old ways despite her Muggle upbringing. Underneath that, though, she’s living a lie and a dangerous lie at that, constantly under threat of exposure and the inevitable punishment and incarceration (or worse) that such a revelation would cause. Maybe she’ll double-down on her habits of over-compensation, go full-out in pledging allegiance to the Carrows and Snape and even, eventually, Voldemort himself -- because what better way to hide her blood-status than behind one of those silver masks? Or maybe she’ll go the other way: fed up with living a lie, she could turn on the Carrows and her prejudiced pure-blood friends, throw her allegiance to the D.A. -- but would they be willing to accept a Slytherin as an ally? Who would she even try making an overture to -- and would she be willing to risk sharing the secret of her blood-status to convince them? If she does, what’s to say they won’t sell her out to protect their own skins -- or use her as a double-agent, in even more danger than she was before...or would she be? As a Muggle-born, is there anything she could do that would put her in more danger than she is already?

SECRETS: Everyone has them, and Slytherins are smart enough to know and accept that as a fact without getting huffy, like those goody-goody Hufflepuffs and self-righteous Gryffindors so often do. However, some secrets are more dangerous than others, and Tracey’s secret is deadly. The best insurance with which to protect herself, thereofore, is to stockpile everyone else’s secrets so she can threaten to expose them if they ever discover and threaten to expose hers -- right? It’s the sort of Cold War/Mutually Assured Destruction mentality that a girl who grew up watching Muggle news and movies in the late eighties would be quick to grasp as a solution to her problem, and Tracey hasn’t hesitated to built up her arsenal. Now that she’s getting scared, getting angry, she’s decided it’s time to start making other people afraid too -- time to make sure that everyone knows there’s a threat out there, someone who knows and someone who is willing to tell. Just a little here and there, things to embarrass rather than destroy...at least to start with. Just enough to make them aware, to make them wary, to make sure that if she needs to call in her marker (her blackmail) people will know she’s serious about it. Because what good is a weapon if you don’t demonstrate the will to use it?

[novellift42]

Hifu

Cryopen Cryotherapy information.

Content

Facelift.

Femiwand

Which Device and Applicator Does Ice Aesthetic usage To treat abdominal Fat?

Faqsvaginal firm faq.

Cryo 21 Led handles.

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It's important to remember that cryo will not completely destroy the lungs. After the procedure, patients may experience some mild discomfort in their chest area. Because of this, it's important to stay cool and stay away from exertion until the discomfort subsides.

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Other than these side effects, low-pressure therapy can help reduce pain, bruising, swelling, and infections. In the case of an emergency, high-pressure therapies can be used in place of low-pressure procedures.

One method uses a combination of a pressurized tube and a vacuum to create low pressure and maintain it for a short duration. The second method uses ultrasound technology to create ultrasonic bubbles that break up the frozen tissues and return oxygen into the bloodstream, while releasing the carbon dioxide.

Laser resurfacing is the process most commonly used in treating dry skin. Cryopen is just a way of delivering the laser to the dry skin to dry it out.

Facelift.

On the day of your procedure, your clinical group will make your experience as comfortable as possible as well as you'll meet your doctor once again before the treatment.

Plastic surgery is a huge action as well as you may intend to require time to do more study as well as think about your decision.

We'll give you a patient details booklet, which offers extensive information on your treatment and aftercare.

At your examination, you can schedule your surgical procedure if you really feel ready, however there's no obligation to go ahead.

For clients in their 30s it is typically used to boost collagen production as well as thus aid delay the ageing procedure.

This is an essential source and we require clients to read the in-depth info it consists of.

And also when you feel ready, they can reserve you in for your treatment.

We additionally have a 14-day 'cooling down' duration in place, which indicates that if you alter your mind about the treatment after booking within that duration, you will certainly not be billed.

When these side effects occur, patients should seek immediate medical assistance. If you or your family member develops any of these symptoms, consult your physician immediately.

How can I treat keratosis at home?

Treating keratosis pilaris at home 1. Exfoliate gently. When you exfoliate your skin, you remove the dead skin cells from the surface. 2. Apply a product called a keratolytic. After exfoliating, apply this skin care product. 3. Slather on moisturizer.

Because cryo therapy is an invasive procedure, it is important that patients are aware of the potential risks involved. These risks can include:

Patients can avoid some side effects by following a proper protocol. While undergoing cryotherapy, patients are advised to consume fluids and/or take vitamins to help prevent hypothermia.

Femiwand

Cryopen is a medical grade pen designed to help people with dry skin. The pen works by injecting an inert gel into the area affected. A special needle is used to inject the gel. Once the gel has been injected, it begins to work to dry out the area of skin that is affected.

Which Device and Also Applicator Does Ice Aesthetic use To deal With abdominal Fat?

What causes moles on human skin?

Melanin is a natural pigment that gives your skin its color. It's produced in cells called melanocytes. Moles are caused when cells in the skin (melanocytes) grow in clusters or clumps. Lipo 360 official website are distributed throughout your skin and produce melanin, the natural pigment that gives your skin its color.

Although there is no evidence that cryo causes serious side effects, it is always wise to discuss any medications and procedures with your physician before deciding to undergo one. In some cases, patients will be advised to take special drugs and medications to help prevent the possibility of adverse reactions. This includes aspirin and ibuprofen, to help prevent asthma. Aspirin can help prevent blood clots from forming, while ibuprofen can help prevent stomach bleeding.

Does cryotherapy make you lose weight?

A 2018 study in the Journal of Obesity found that long-term cryotherapy activates a process in the body called cold-induced thermogenesis. This led to an overall loss of body mass particularly around the waist by an average of 3 percent.

The downside to Cryopen is that you can never guarantee you will get rid of all your dry skin. There is always going to be areas where some dry skin will remain. Cryopen is only one part of your skin care routine.

Another common side effect of cryotherapy is a loss of consciousness. When a patient undergoes this procedure, they may experience some degree of unconsciousness. The reason for this is that the patient has less fluid (hypotension) in their brain which makes it easier for the brain stem and respiratory functions to slow down.

What triggers seborrheic keratosis?

It's not clear what exactly causes seborrheic keratoses. They tend to run in families, so genes may be a cause. Normal skin aging plays a role because the growths are more common with age. Too much sun exposure may also play a role.

Patients undergoing cryo are generally unaware of these potential side effects. It's important to be fully informed about the process and the side effects that might occur. Even after the procedure, patients are advised to keep their cool if they develop symptoms that are similar to those experienced after a cardiac arrest. Many patients report nausea, vomiting, fever, dizziness, headaches, seizures, chest pain, and difficulty breathing.

Faqsvaginal firm faq.

Laser therapy is also used to freeze and kill the affected tissue. The technique is called fractional laser ablation and it's designed to destroy the abnormal tissue. by targeting the damaged tissue with an intense light beam. This causes a temporary loss of blood supply to the body.

Some people like to use the laser to dry their dry skin by using the Cryopen pen to do it for them. But this is often very expensive and a very slow process. With this system you are using the Cryopen pen and then applying the ice at the same time to get the best results. You can see results faster when you apply the ice immediately after the pen is used than if you wait a few days after use.

Cryo 21 Led deals With.

During low-pressure techniques, an instrument that is attached to the patient is used to apply a mild electric charge to the skin of the patient. The electrical current is then released in small pulses and is aimed at the affected area. Cryo therapy uses a variety of different methods to release the energy produced during the pulse of the electric current.

Dry skin is the result of the body's reaction to exposure to too much heat or cold. When your body cannot get enough moisture it will start to thicken and puff up.

What are the side effects of cryotherapy?

The most common side effects of any type of cryotherapy are numbness, tingling, redness, and irritation of the skin. These side effects are almost always temporary. Make facelift with your doctor if they don't resolve within 24 hours.

It does have some drawbacks though that many people may not know about. It can cause some skin irritation when used frequently. This irritation is caused by the amount of ice that is injected into the skin and because the ice needs time to work.

[tastybakesuk]

The Wonderful Realm of the Wedding Cake

In the present modern world there are so many diverse choices and choices offered to people. We could possibly find hold of people by conventional phone, smartphone, routine cellular phone, email, or standard mail. If you would like to buy somewhere we are able to drive a car, ride a bicycle, or have a bus, or even walk along. Considering each of the several alternatives offered to people now, it's just natural that variety needs to work its way right into one of the most precious and respected customs. . .that of this cake. Selecting the flavor of this cake and also the coloration of this icing is merely starting out with the procedure. You'll even have to take time to pick the ideal wedding cake topper to get the personal cake. Within this article we'll be researching the domain of this wedding cake. We'll be providing a few background precisely the convention, and working up into this selection procedure for an ideal topper for this very special Wedding Cake.

The wedding cake is more frequently creatively and creatively placed throughout the wedding party. Regularly towering way upward in the skies, it might contend with the bride since the"centre of attention" on her special moment. This yummy thing of beauty builds a center point which another facets of the reception may revolve round. For anyone that would rather have a flare for the dramatic, the wedding cake might be hauled in to the room by the close of the reception, then providing a"grand entry" for all to find out. To a lot of individuals this expansive entry will trigger memories of this bride that walked the aisle sooner daily.

 To Begin with

 Starting as a very simple sign of fertility, it's turned itself in a artistic heritage which could have lots of different artistic interpretations. For a lot of ancient peoples wheat proved to be a sign of fertility and also a bountiful harvest. This habit finally evolved to attracting little cakes produced out of wheat into the marriage feast itself. Folks would subsequently repaint this dessert over the mind of their bride to need the happy bunch"many kids". The guests could eat the dropped crumbs as being a sign of sharing at the pair's fortune.

 Many believe this"crumbling of this cake" within the bride's mind may possibly have evolved to the following wedding-day convention? Do you realize exactly what exactly it really is? As a way to guard the hapless bride out of the wheat shower which will come, gentleman draped a cloth over her mind until the"crumbling convention" happened. Many think this simple cloth evolved in to the marriage veil of now.

 Welcome The Middle-ages

 Throughout the dark ages buns or candy rolls had substituted the wheat cakes, however it was very customary for guests to create those yummy snacks into the marriage day. Put into a enormous heap between the wedding couple, in the event the happy couple managed to kiss this enormous heap of wheat, then it had been believed they would be blessed with lots of kids.

 It's often believed that the second part of the growth of the conventional cake has been conducted by way of a French pastry chef throughout the 17th century.

 The Timeless Style

 Are you really comfortable with the timeless style of this present day wedding cake? You knowthe person with all the distinctive look of smaller tiers since the cake builds downhill? What is that for a little bit of trivia for you personally?

 Victorian England has had us lots of the appreciated wedding customs. By way of instance, Queen Victoria herself is thought to have needed a cake which completes in at 300 pounds. Since confectioners and bakers became daring and skillful, their creations turned into more adventuresome and more complicated.

 The Edition of Today

 In the present modern world the wedding cake is not earmarked to the rich and famous. Each day can share from the tradition of owning a wedding-cake inserted with their special moment. The wedding cake pros of the modern world have obtained their art to towering peaks (pardon the pun). Over are such dull days whenever you're confined by some white cake with white frosting. Even though a white cake will always be probably the most common as a result of the normal significance, now's couple is bound solely by the constraints of the imagination (and funding ) as it comes for their wedding cake.

 White is certainly the coloration of a marriage, however were you aware there is certainly just another reason the snowy would be your habitual color of wedding cake? In case the cake needed a white racket, this demonstrated that only the very best & priciest white sugar has been used. Brown-sugar has been a great deal more widespread, and so not as costly. Therefore, the further whitened the cake, the more wealthier the folks.

 Make Certain You Plan Ahead

 Do not leave your distinctive wedding cake before eleventh hour. This really is among the main matters which you may remember. Whether you pick the baker in the future, a talented relative, or perhaps a pastry chef who focuses on such yummy masterpieces, in the event you want well ahead of time you're going to find a way to take care of whatever barriers may possibly come your way. Many bakers require a minimum note, while some bakers are reserved much ahead of time. It's really a shame to get this ideal cake for the fantasies have been"cancelled" because of this truth that you can't devote a baker's time.

 Now you don't have any idea that will soon be baking your own wedding cake? If you never possess a specific baker at heart, you possess somewhat of homework in front of you personally. Check around and find some excellent tips from family members and friends. Read the yellow pages and also the internet since they have been both valuable informational tools. If you just happen to be surfing the internet you will understand that lots of bakers to day are posting photos of a number of the masterpieces. As sort of master piece cake gallery, then they exhibit what they truly are effective at producing. This will run your imagination regarding that which you want your wedding cake to appear to be.

 Do not overlook Your Allowance 

You need your big to become one of party, maybe not your day you started your travel in to financial disaster. Lots of men and women are astonished at the price of a wedding cake. Remember that you're requesting a artisan to produce a master piece for youpersonally, and also this may usually be reflected at the price he will probably soon be charging. The expense of work is frequently the most significant expenditure in the inception of a wedding cake but bear in your mind the inescapable truth that fondant is more expensive than buttercream.

 Have you ever thought about staging your master piece? This includes next. Make sure you spend the wedding cake rack under account during your preparation period. When some cakes might be only positioned on horizontal boards which won't be seen by the public, the others have been elaborately displayed on amazing represents everybody else to find out. Bear in mind the inescapable actuality that actual size of this cake table has to be in ratio to the true size of one's cake. A table that's too small is likely to get the cake look much too large, while a table that's too large is likely to create it resemble a very small cup cake. And before we forgetyour cake table will probably require a lovely covering to glow its strategic location at your wedding dinner. Oh, remember that the cake knife and cake . There has to be considered a location on the table to get both of these items also.

 The topper"shirts off" your personal wedding cake. While it's correct that many couples want to own the very simple style of a unadorned cake, so most would rather get this final"crowning touch"the wedding cake ring, sitting at the top of top layer of this cake. In the present modern world the very simple plastic"groom and bride" of the past has likely been substituted with the timeless ceramic figurine of now.

 Thus what kinds of wedding cake toppers are readily available to people now? We're happy you're asked. Many diverse kinds of statistics are readily available. They include the classic presents to figurines constituting a number of those potentially"funny" areas of this weddingday. By way of instance, a bride pulling the hapless dress back into the altar. Exotic wedding cake toppers may also be popular nowadays, whilst niche toppers such as a"marine union" have their own place too.

 To Conclude 

There's simply so much detail that someone may get to in a very simple article, also we now have far more to express relay. In the event that you'd really like to find out more about bridal cakes, and wedding cake toppers are far specific, please visit us on our weblog.

[skittlestark]

Kapus - Palad

The film i’m going to be talking about is called “Manila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag”. Really an eye opening film that showed so much potential and heightened my expectations for films made in the 70s-80s. I will further discuss my thoughts and insights in the clearest way that I can. But before you start reading on, let me tell you that this movie isn’t just a typical tragic love story. 

One of the things I noticed about the film was that it was really filmed in the city of Manila and the word Manila isn’t just used to make the title more interesting. It really showed Manila as it is, how people made a living, how streets were full of danger, how everything revolved around money. It showed the raw set up of how Manila was as well as it’s people. 

Two of the main sources of income that was shown in the movie was working at a construction site and prostitution. What I want to commend in the movie was even though prostitution was present, they were able to show that it was happening without actually showing vulgar sex scenes. What it aimed was to just let people be aware of the fact that prostitution was there, it was real, and was happening. Although in the scene where one worker fell from a high floor of the construction site, yes it was kind of violent but they once again showed just enough for people to understand how the workers weren’t really well taken care of both financially and in terms of health as well. 

The slow unfolding of who ligaya was interesting, it kept us hanging or anticipating. I kept asking myself who she was and if she was dead, is she a sister or a lover. The flashbacks and the scenes wherein Julio’s memory was triggered by present happenings that remind him of Ligaya was brilliant. And how because of those triggers and flashbacks, he was led to where Ligaya was. It was crazy how Ligaya was his main drive on staying in Manila and working. Julio could’ve easily just gone back to the province, he could’ve given up. He didn’t have to experience the hunger he felt while working in the construction site, the discomfort he felt while he was trying to earn money through prostitution. If you ask me, the love he had for Ligaya was unhealthy. I get it though, that he was worried and he wanted to save her, but letting himself get abused in the process and slowly lose himself in the process just doesn’t sit right with me. But at the same time, I knew Ligaya was everything to Julio and I applaud him for his determination and strength to go through all of that for her. 

The movie as a whole made a lot of sense for me, the fact that martial law was going on added to the rawness of the setting of the movie. And how it showed how Manila was looked up to as a place where you could get proper careers and education, it added to showing the reality of why Ligaya agreed to the idea of going to Manila despite Ms. Cruz being sketchy as hell. Also how the movie showed all of Julio’s struggle was also the way the audience was made aware of how Manila is. They showed just enough to let people understand what it took to survive in Manila, especially for the ones who were financially challenged. Although everything Julio did was for Ligaya, I didn’t see things as romanticised. It just showed the everyday life of people like Julio. The only part that I thought could’ve been improved was the part wherein he was chased by a whole mob of people after he killed the Chinese guy. It was weird that THAT many people would chase you, it wasn’t realistic for me and more of unnecessary. Julio still holding the ice pick while he knew he was gonna get beat up actually led me to think that he was going to take his own life. But the way it ended actually didn’t really fully show whether he was beat up or maybe I was right and he did end up taking his own life. The way the ending was open ended was good but it could’ve been better and less predictable. 

The movie’s way of telling the story wasn’t like usual movies though. Like I said before, it only showed enough of the issues to let people know that the certain issue was real and is happening. For some movies, the way the keep people hooked was by exaggerating or putting into detail all of the issues. For example, they would’ve shown the full detail of Julio’s exposure to prostitution to gain the attention of the audience and to create a bigger impact. But Manila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag didn’t need to do that to keep people waiting for what’s going to happen next. That’s what I found great about this movie. It didn’t abuse the fact that issues like prostitution and underpaid workers were prominent during the time this movie was created. 

The movie overall is ahead of it’s time if you ask me. During the 70s, people here in our country weren’t as open minded as they were shown in the movie. Everyone was open to the fact that people had different occupations and not everyone earns a lot of money. It was an eye opener honestly, that up until now people still aren’t accepting of other sources of income. Although yes, sometimes the main reason for disapproval is because some sources of income are illegal but other than that, a lot of people these days still let judgement take over their kindness and understanding toward each other. You wouldn’t see strangers today letting other strangers into their homes and actually have the genuine want to help each other out. Being poor is equal to being a person who isn’t worthy of trust. It’s sad how a film made in the 70’s have people who are way more understanding and open minded compared to people of today who are able to attain proper education. And that’s the sad and embarrassing truth.

[greasygyeom]

Title: Look at Me

By: GreasyGyeom

Summary: Graduation Ceremony and a sea of people, will you be able to make it through the day? Jinyoung x Reader. Angst/Fluff. Trigger Warning: Death

Playlist: 170830

Author’s Note: (i) San-nakji (산낙지) is a variety of raw dish made with long arm octopus. Although the octopuses are killed before cut into small pieces and served, the nerve activity in the octopus’ tentacles makes the pieces still squirming posthumously on the plate when served.

(ii) I’ve always thought music and reading goes really well together. It’s new format I’m trying. If you would like some soothing bgm that goes with the piece, hit up the link above! It’s a great way to share music too, so let me know if it worked out for you!! Love <3 <3

Graduation day.

Yes, it’s graduation day; the day you finally complete five years of studying art. The day you get that stamp of approval from a bunch of really old people that you are indeed qualified to freely express your mind via any visual medium necessary.

You lay in bed, twisted awkwardly, thinking about the day ahead of you and dread every unholy second that inches it closer.

Social situations make you uncomfortable and jittery. You talk too fast, you tap your feet a lot and your attention span reduces to that of a 15 year old adrenaline junkie in the worlds biggest amusement park, who is constantly nauseated but out of compulsion needs to experience every ride.

But, things are always different when he’s around. Suddenly being in a crowd feels less like a clown circus and more like an art gallery where you’re able to glide through without your head exploding.

So the only activity you are actually looking forward to is seeing Jinyoung, because he somehow manages to make things better, every time.

Thinking about getting on stage, your brain automatically begins to list the scenarios that could cause potential embarrassment. Tripping and falling on and over numerous objects takes up the first few bullet numbers — spearheading your decision to wear boots — flat boots.

You pick up a dress to go with it. Of course it’s all black — you rarely pick any other colour — and pair it with some simple silver accessories.

You force yourself out of the semi-coma you’ve been lying in and take a quick shower. The anxiety begins to spread through your body. You consider tidying up your room in an effort to sooth yourself, an invisible pros and cons list already forming in your brain.

The cons list wins, obviously. You possibly can’t clean every nook and cranny in the time available and if you had to leave the process of cleaning half way through, it would give you more anxiety than you initially began with. You really have no choice but to breathe and drink water.

Tissues. Your brain suddenly buzzes as you close the bottle cap, like a phone alarm springing to life on snooze; because what if something or someone spills liquids - no, worse, solids - on you.

You spend a considerable amount of time looking for the soft kind for runny noses in case you felt especially teary, the rough kind for cleaning that didn’t leave paper traces all over clothes and the wet kind for miscellaneous germ related quirks.

You take your time to get ready, switch on some music and mildly successfully dance away your nervousness.

But somewhere in the middle you let out a yawn.

Coffee, you need so much coffee to go through with this day.

As usual, your irrational fear of not waking up on time has kept you up through the night and as a collateral not only have you been awake for more than 24 hours you’ve also managed to get ready to leave almost an hour early.

“Should have listened to him.” You absentmindedly speak to your dull grey walls and proceed to ‘Netflix and chill’ on your sofa (without the innuendos involved, of course).

After 40 minutes of being on the edge of your seat while watching Stranger, you check the contents of your bag, one final time.

Time really does fly past when you’re engrossed in Jo Seung-Woo’s brilliant acting.

You quickly throw in your lip-balm and check the clock. Five minutes. You scramble to make sure all the plug points are switched off in your apartment — a quirk you’ve picked up from Jinyoung.

You lock up and head downstairs to find a cab.

Of course it rains down on the day you need to step out.

You don’t live too far from campus, you can easily walk it, but choose not to get splashed with muddy water by an inconsiderate driver. With your luck, the chances of it happening are magnified.

Your phone leaps to life as you sit inside the car. There’s an instant smile on your face.

“Hey Moon, all set?” he asks from the opposite end of the line.

“As set as I could be, I think.”

He can hear your anxiety through the phone. “You didn’t sleep. I told you I could call you and wake you up.”

“I know, I should’ve listened to you.”

He chuckles. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you yesterday. I really wanted to. I wanted to drive you up on your big graduation day.”

“Aw, it’s alright Peach, it’s not that big of a deal. But, I’ll be seeing you later yeah?”

“Of course it’s big deal! I’m actually just dropping some paperwork at the torture chamber right now, I’ll come as soon as I’m done.

Are you nervous?”

You laugh at his torture chamber comment.

“A little maybe? I just don’t want to…. be embarrassed in any way, that’s all. I just need the universe to be this kind today. Get in get out — no fu - udge ups,’ you sheepishly conclude, patting yourself for not actually mouthing the profanity.

His dislike for foul language is as vehement as your dislike for raw octopus, so you seldom cross that line.

You can mentally see his eyes wrinkle around the edges, at your syllabic swerve. A windy snicker reaches your ears. “Nice save dummie, you were so close to eating san-nakji today.

“Never.” you declare with an unwavering determination; the very thought of un cooked food — and not just any food, seafood — sending a shiver down your spine. “Anyway, I’ve reached Uni…. almost. See you when I see you, Peach.”

You hang up and mentally prepare yourself for hypothetical social interactions that may or may not take place, through the rest of the distance.

When you step foot on the cobblestones of your campus, you take in all the air you can. It’s not that you can’t breathe, you really can — but who’s going to convince your brain that.

In the five years you spent locked up in the art halls, studying anatomy, inhaling acrylic paint fumes, you acquaint yourself with a handful of people, none of whom you wish to bump into, at least not alone. Unfortunately, with your only actual friend away on vacation you’re left to suffer the sea of students alone, until Jinyoung’s arrival.

You push your earphones in and switch on your playlist, letting the sweet sounds of the guitar serenade your tense nerves.

Everywhere you look there’s parents following their children to designated seats, going to the art gallery where all the final projects are displayed, buying souvenirs, visiting the mess doing things together and that imagery starts unraveling a tightly sewn hole inside your heart.

You yawn again.

Coffee.

You’re not in the mood for any kind of physical exercise, but you could also walk to the edge of this earth for a cup of good coffee, Kunzum was luckily on a few ways away.

“Hey Minsoo.” you greet your regular barista, at the campus cafe - your safe place.

“Same order?”

“Yeah, Iced Caramel Macchiato, extra strong.”

“Coming right up. You need a doughnut to go with?”

“No, I’m gonna pass on that. I thought you guys would be shut today?”

“I kept it open just for you.”

You realise how much you would miss your bants with him. He’d been your only source of caffeine for 5 years. He probably knows you better than your classmates ever will.

“Should I keep an Americano ready for Jinyoung?”

“You’re the best, Minsoo.“

He grins through his heavy beard and moustache.

The cafe is in a quaint corner of the campus, surrounded by shrubs of Forsythia. Spring was never your season, but as you sit there by your favourite window seat and reminisce the divinity of your campus with the cold-ish winds and sun kissed yellow flowers blooming all over, you can’t help but feel slightly gloomy. You would no longer be able to watch your favourite cherry blossom tree unfold before your eyes.

A deep sigh escapes you, suddenly roadblocking your throat.

You spent five years preoccupied with deadlines and keeping up with your professors and libraries and finessing techniques and it only just dawns on you how empty your schedule is going to be henceforth.

A degree in art isn’t exactly a gateway to becoming a well paid corporate ring leader — not that you want to be one either — but your mind is making you second guess yourself at this point. Maybe you should have gotten that degree in psychology.

“Macchiato right out of the freezer.” Minsoo interrupts, placing the take away cup on your table. You check your phone - still almost an hour for the actual ceremony to commence.

You take in a sip of familiarity.

Your memories race back to a time when you were in your second year — when you’d met Jinyoung in this very cafe for the first time. You smile vaguely, picturing him in the seat by the wall, so engrossed in and visibly distressed by Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore.

The details are a little hazy — it has been three years after all — but what you remember with utmost clarity is the way his expression changed, as he read along the plot twist; how he nodded his head gently as he understood the subtleties of the text.

He had looked so genuine, diving into the depths of what you considered Mr. Murakami’s best work. He’d caught you staring and you had very uncharacteristically smiled back, instead of hiding your face in embarrassment.

He’d ended up buying you another coffee. You’d ended up staying there with him till closing time. The nostalgia makes you weary.

“Miss me?” His face comes into focus.

You’re unable to hide your surprise. “How did you know I was here?”

“I asked myself, where would my caffeine addicted girlfriend be on this campus and my genius brain led me here,” he replies, bending to kiss you on the cheek.

“Some day you’re going to get punched in the face because of your smart mouth.”

You grin, he pouts.

“Your coffee is ready by the way,” you inform, pointing towards Minsoo.

Jinyoung returns holding the donut you had earlier declined.

“Eat,” he says, shoving it in your hand.

You find it difficult to say no to him.

“See you later Minsoo,” you chime from the doorway, gulping in your coffee.

“I want to see your project,” Jinyoung tells you.

“You want to…. see my final project?’

“Why the rhetoric?”

“No! I was just wondering…why?”

He looks at you with a blank expression, his mouth slightly open and his very plump lips curving into a slight o; conveying his feelings with a slight exaggeration.

“Moon, you nearly starved yourself trying to finish it. I want to see what’s more important than food, for you.”

“Only food is important.”

“More important than I am?” he teases.

“You’re a Peach, you’re food alright.”

He laughs, habitually covering up his face to stop his teeth from showing. How you hate that habit of his.

You turn left at the next corridor and make way towards the gallery. Truth be told, even you hadn’t seen your work, post submission. You are just as curious to see what it looks like hanging from a wall.

Walking through those halls next to each other feels like déjà vu from Jinyoung’s graduation two years ago; a time when you weren’t even sure if your relationship would make it beyond the walls of your school.

“Nothing’s changed, but everything’s changed,” Jinyoung breathes in, entering through the gallery doors.

You look around, “It’s that one, the diptych,” you point at two frames, 3rd from the door.

He’s in disbelief and doesn’t hide it. You watch him watch the artwork carefully. He studies it the same way you remember him studying Murakami — with absolute diligence.

He finally looks at you. “You made us?”

Your eyes bolt to the floor. You don’t anticipate the embarrassment that is now painting your cheeks red.

“It’s beautiful.”

Did he really call it beautiful?

“You like it?” you ask, fiddling with your hands.

“Theres a boy, sitting and reading a book on the moon,” he analyses the diptych with a smile on his face. “The same boy is at a coffee shop with the moon shining above. It’s so poetic.”

“I — thanks,” you blurt out. “I tried to not be cheesy about it.”

It was, however, a mild confession of how deeply he had impacted your life. Somewhere in these 3 years he’d started calling you Moon, and somewhere — thinking about it in the last few months — your artwork had come to life.

He looks at you deeply, like he’s searching for something in your soul. You feel transparent under his gaze. He can see through all your walls and peek into your heart without you wanting to fight that feeling of being exposed and vulnerable.

You know what he wants to say, even though he doesn’t say it. He’s subtle like that, always talking with his eyes.

There’s an announcement about the ceremony and the gallery starts to empty out instantaneously.

You yelp and hide behind Jinyoung after spotting one of your acquaintances.

Please let him not find me — you’re quite literally begging the universe at this point.

“Moon, he’s waving at you.”

“No, oh god no.”

“Hi!” Daehyun excitedly greets you. He’s…..chirpy, as always. “It’s great I ran into you, I was just telling my parent’s about you! Your piece! It’s amazing!“

“Haha, thanks. It’s alright, I guess”. Your fake laugh is terrible.

“Did your parent see it? Are they here? Oh man! They must be so proud!”

Your heart falls to the bottom of your stomach.

“I’m with —“ your voice betrays you.

“I’m here with her,” Jinyoung takes over, wrapping his arm around you to keep you from falling.

“You said your parents were here? Are you making them wait? It’s not polite to make your parents wait like that”.

The harshness in his tone combined with the kindness in his eyes throws Daehyun off-guard. “Oh. Yeah, yeah, sorry. I should really get back to them. I’ll see you after the ceremony!” he smiles, bows and runs off.

When Jinyoung turns to you, there’s nothing but worry lines all across his face. “Are you okay?”

You nod, wanting to put his troubles to rest in one go, “I’m fine, Peach”.

He leads you through the arched hallway towards the ceremony grounds. “I’ll see you on stage. You’ll do great.”

You smile nervously as your mind edges closer towards panic mode.

“I should not have let you drink that coffee,” he sighs, catching your hands in his and rubbing them gently. He knows the numbness has reached your fingertips already, seeing how fidgety you are.

“It’s okay, I’m okay. They’ll call my name, and I will walk on stage and walk off stage and I will be fine,” you reply reassuringly, talking more to yourself than him.

“I can see you get your degree from the side, I don’t mind.”

You gently decline his offer, “I want you seated and looking proud of me.”

“I’m already proud of you, Moon.”

His encouragement gives you some strength, but against the influx of 6 year old repressed feelings, it feels a tad bit inadequate.

A high tide washes over you, drenching your consciousness with bitter sweet memories. You wish for your parents. You wish for them to be with you so desperately in this moment.

The speeches begin; your hear starts to race. You pacify yourself with the incentive of it being over soon. But then what?

What are you supposed to do when you get back home. Tomorrow? In a week? What about three months later when you’re still lying on your cold floor, still asking for a bus to hit you one day.

No no no.

No.

You’re not going to do this.

A violent siren triggers in your mind. The darkness begins to widen as an old wound stares you at point blank range. The accident. The cremation. The funeral. The people. So many people, sitting, waiting for you to say something. To tell them how unfortunate it is that your parents passed away. How regretful you feel that you couldn’t even tell them goodbye. How terrified you are of leading a life without them. How proud you wanted to make them.

Your name is announced — Once. Twice.

The third time you snap out of your daze.  

Stumbling forward with what feels like an anchor lodged in your chest, you step onto the stage, cross all the board of directors and shake hands with the dean.

“First Division, very impressive.”

“Thank you, Sir.” you absent-mindedly reply, taking the scroll in your hand.

You want to run away from there as soon as possible because you don’t know how much longer you could hold off the tears welling up inside you.

Jinyoung sees through your exterior, just from how withdrawn and controlled your body language is. His eyes follow you off the stage; you vanish in a split second.

He immediately dials your number.

The number you have dialled is currently busy.

“Ah no, Moon,” he sighs under his breath and gets up to leave. He apologises to everyone in the row for causing a disturbance and sprints, as soon as he’s away from the crowd, in what he thinks to be the right direction.

His foot steps echo through the empty buildings, louder than a snare.

He tries your number again, only to get the same response. He stops in the middle of the atrium; realising the absurdity of running a wild goose chase.

He rakes his brain for your hiding spots.

The cafe is out of the question, Minsoo would ask questions.

The classrooms are shut.

The park outside your main arts building is closed for landscaping.

It leaves only one viable place — the library.

He takes a u-turn and exits through the gym, going through a shortcut to your favourite place on the campus. Out of the 5 libraries, he goes to the one farthest from the main campus — the one closest to the forest.

“Did a girl come through here, maybe fifteen minutes ago?” he asks the proxy-librarian in a hushed whisper.

“Maybe,” the man replies.

Maybe — he could work with maybe. He skips three steps at a time on the stairway to reach the 3rd floor and heads to the section he’s hoping to find you hiding in.

His footsteps soften in an effort to not startle you.

You’re sitting on the small stool people usually climb on to reach the top shelf — hunched over, shaking, hiding your face in your palms, breathing shallow and fast, in the middle of a pool of tissue papers.

You feel some movement around you, but couldn’t be bothered by it.

“Hey Moon, please forget to fall down. Hey Moon, don’t you go down.” he sings, very softly, sitting in front of you, waiting for you to look up. It’s a line from one of your favourite songs. It’s a line he sings to you often, when you’re experiencing your world crashing down.

“Why do you keep finding me,” you groggily ask, sniffing in your tears.

“I’m your muse, aren’t I? I’m supposed to find you.”

“I want to vanish. Jinyoung. I miss them so much.”

He doesn’t say much, just puts his arms around you. You break down even worse than before. All the wind in your lungs empties out with your sobs and you hold onto him for dear life; fearing if you let go, the last glimmer of hope would disappear too.

You keep your head buried in his chest.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do”.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Nothing makes sense to me. I thought if I tried to forget about it — about the accident, I could convince myself it never happened. I thought I could forget them. I thought I could live without them. And most days I’m able to. I got pretty good at it. But then there’s days like today. And I can’t help but hate everyone and every thing,” you ramble.

“Do you need me to schedule a session for you? Tell me whatever you need, Moon”

You shake your head. “What if I fail Jinyoung? At life? What if I’m unsuccessful? And mediocre? What if I die without anyone knowing who I was and what I did? What if one day you wake up and realise you don’t love me anymore? What will I do, Jinyoung. I can’t watch everyone leave me again.”

Another wave of uncontrollable hot tears streams down your cheeks and onto his shirt. You weep incessantly. Your throat is so blocked you feel as if you could choke and die at any moment. And you’re embarrassed — so embarrassed for blabbing out everything on your mind without filtering it. So, not only do you feel like absolute shit, you feel like absolute clingy shit.

You let go of him.

The library tiles below hold your attention for all the excruciating minutes that pass.

“Hey-hey-hey, look at me,” he says, cupping your face. Your cheeks are damper than a riverbed.

You keep retracing the concentric patterns of the floor, unwilling to face him. He nudges your chin, his palms still generating heat on your flesh, forcing you to make eye contact.

You fall fast and deep into the black liquid swirling in his soft eyes. You’re overcome with the same warmth you feel wrapped in a quilt on a cold night. Everything suddenly seems…. manageable again.

He grazes his thumbs over your eye-bags, wiping the residual saline liquid off your face.

“Do you trust me?” He asks.

Do you?

You think back to all the times he had come through for you. How he’d witnessed so many of your firsts, when even after two years you felt like a stranger in the city. When you had moved to a new dorm and he’d carried your belongings, for you. When you had moved into your first apartment all by yourself. When you had accidentally burnt your new apartment kitchen and had called him even before thinking about calling the fire department. When your kitten had passed away and he had come over with a tub of ice cream without saying anything.

All the times you’d driven him crazy and he’d never let you feel any less loved. The times he’d waited in the parking lot during your psych visits even though you’d asked him to leave.

He’d been there for everything, no questions asked.

How could you not.

You dip your head low and mumble a barely audible “I trust only you.”

“Then will you trust me when I say you’re going to do something good with your life?”

The tears well up in your eyes again.

He boops your nose with his before placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“I could wake up and not be in love with you one day Moon, humans are fickle — you taught me that. But, so could you. So, how about we cross that bridge if we reach it?”

You bury your head in his chest when he encloses you in a tight embrace, settling a whirlpool of uncertain emotions in your mind.

“I’m sorry, I unloaded all of that dead parent baggage on you again.”

He gives you an unforgiving, incredulous look which softens as soon as he sees your innocent bloodshot eyes. “You’re supposed to unload your baggage on me. You’re my only Moon.”

You smile. “You know I love that you call me Moon, right?”

“No, you never told me. But I’m happy,” he hums. “I’m here, I love you”.

“I love you too“.

You hold him tighter as he snakes his arms around your waist.

In that moment you wish you could stay like that with him forever, because you wanted nothing — nothing — to ever change.