#ppl show no interest in me or my art and if they do it’s out of pity to get me to stop whining

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

[britneyshakespeare]

you know at the end of the day today i was chatting w some other paras. i was a special ed para for a seventh grader today that's what i did. and the last block for them is just learning center and it's chill and it's friday and some of the kids were making pizza and no one was really doing anything or stressed or bothered so the kids and the adults just have various little shooting-the-breeze sessions although im usually not that active in these bc Im Shy, And A Substitute so i feel very out of place a lot of the time. but anyway i had never really talked much w either of the paras i was with today and we struck up a conversation about some stuff and one of them says to me "you know just so you know i LOVE your hair" and she turns to the other para and she's like "isnt it gorgeous? dont you love her hair?"

and i kinda blushed and said thank you a couple of times and looked down bc that's what i do when i receive a sincere-sounding compliment unexpectedly. and then i chatted a little more before i kinda drifted out of the conversation and opened my book and after a page or two one of them asked me about what i was reading (it's Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human by Siddhartha Mukherjee if you were wondering and i started it a few days ago). so i told them a bit about it and started chatting again on the topic of reading and i guess i was just naturally smiling and the same one who complimented my hair said "look at those dimples. i just can't w you"

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

.

[professionaljester]

beating my brain into submission anytime it wants to draw bc i’ve told it for weeks now we’re done with that. we’re not an artist anymore stop trying to make art happen

[jimgandolfini]

normal people: struggle to let their new s/o get close enough to break their heart the way a former s/o did

me: struggling to accept the generosity and mentorship of a fella should it result in the way I disappointed my former mentor into no longer speaking to me🫠🥴

[chrollohearttags]

long winded ass post I contemplated not writing but did it anyways. read if you’d like or ignore lmao.

so I feel as though this kind of goes without saying but a lot has changed on tumblr and the vibe has shifted a lot, sadly, not for the better either :/ I thought about this for a while and although last week, I was not posting any new content due to the strike, I’ve decided to step away from writing in general after this month. I could sit here and go on a tangent about how it’s the ‘algorithm’ and ‘dying fandoms’ but to me, this boils down to the fact that I refuse to exhaust myself to be unappreciated + disrespected. That’s not to say I’m ungrateful to everyone who reblogs and comments on my works all the time because I am incredibly grateful! I love each of you and I look forward to reading your tags/thoughts. However, it’s not lost on me that the anime fandom in general is becoming shrouded in toxicity and many of us are being pushed away. We’re in an age where people are seen as content machines and not humans so others feel entitled to their art and feel no need to be kind, understanding or empathetic to that person’s feelings. I’m not wasting my time trying to teach people manners that they should’ve learned a long time ago. I refuse to share my craft with people like that. And to say the quietest part out loud: y’all don’t want black writers around, PERIOD. One scroll through the dash shows that much. As someone who’s written primarily for AOT (not changing btw) and specifically the black side of the fandom, it’s almost laughable at the extreme lengths that ppl have gone through to see it be erased. And I don’t mean getting fics hit with labels or reporting (that failed so they switched to plan B.) since I began back writing in 2020-21, it was obvious that it was the most popular among black girls and I remember ppl telling me to write for them. Hell, it’s the sole reason I even watched. Needless to say, I fell in love with the show and it holds a special place in my heart. However, I realized I didn’t need any of the original material. Not only that, in all the years I’ve been writing, it’s the first time I’ve seen so many black girls resonating and happy with a group of characters. It was the first and only time I’ve seen stories where I didn’t feel as though them being a black character was a hidden secret or toned down to appeal to others (no shade). It was in my face and proud, even if I didn’t personally resonate with the reader or concept of the story. It still felt good coming from a fandom where I was literally the ONLY black writer in it. Fast forward and I clearly see that now, it’s not welcomed. We could sit here and blame it on non-blk (yt) having the problems but that’s a load of bullshit and the only enemies we have are one another. It’s been other black writers who have littered the tags with discourse abt the same stupid topic to avoid new fics being seen. It’s been other black writers who have switched fandoms when they were no longer the ONLY ones bc coexisting is just too damn hard apparently. It’s been other black authors who have made it blatantly clear that they are only interested in seeing and creating stories that are palatable to other races so they won’t be perceived in a negative light or to be seen as one of the ‘good ones’. Even down to not using black reader tags or avoiding coded language. So much so, they are comfortable laughing at anti-black rhetoric being pushed on other apps so as long as their new favs are not the brunt of the joke.

I’m not here to tell anybody how or what to write. I’m not here to say you ONLY have to like one show but what I am saying is that i will NOT be spending hours and days agonizing over a fic for it to be minimized to a joke for a bitch on TikTok. I will not spend the little free time I have trying to crunch and finish a fic for it not do well but watch y’all pile in my mentions to argue over nonsense. And I won’t sit here and watch y’all purposely try to run other black writers away bc they don’t fit ur aesthetic. Fiction is fiction and whether you resonate with it or not, it’s expression. I’m a boring ass country bumpkin from the middle of nowhere, Florida who’s got social anxiety, chronically ill, neurodivergent and is in bed by 10:00. I don’t smoke, never had sex and I literally never leave the house unless I’m grocery shopping. I never have and never will live the life of any of my characters, even the most tame ones. But I write for EVERY black girl and want everyone of them to be seen. The one space where that seems to be allowed is obviously not welcomed anymore. Arguing and trying to defend ourselves against people who are committed to misunderstanding us is pointless. Minimizing us down to ‘baby mama’, ‘hoodrat’ fics, simply bc you no longer like certain characters (many of which you all were writing for not too long ago) is quite frankly clown and coon ass behavior. Watching y’all become enraged by tropes that are used by ever race, every fandom, etc but turning the blind eye bc it suits ur narrative is fucking hypocritical and laughable at best.

I’m not insecure in my writing. Never have been and never will be. I know I pour everything I have into creating the best work I can and it’s for that reason that I won’t allow it to be treated like trash. I have over 250 drafts in my Google docs and best believe, that’s where they’ll stay until I see fit. Although I know it’ll probably mean leaving the last place I have any sense of community and social interaction in general, it’s not worth coming on here angry everyday in defense mode. Its not worth getting out of my character over and I rather just not be around if it means I have to play mean girl. My mind may change and all of this will just have been me getting shit off my chest but as of right now, this account will be archived come February 28th. Thank you to everybody who’s supported me this far and gave me a safe space. I love all of you so very much and hope that we can enjoy the rest of this month together 🫶🏾 🤍

[good-vs-evo]

saw some ppl on tiktok getting SO PRESSED about polycules and relationships other than hualian and that was kind of funny so i needed to make and explain my relationship chart

i’d love to explain to them (as a polyam person myself >:3) that love is not a limited commodity and hua cheng falling for yin yu doesn’t mean he suddenly doesn’t care about xie lian at all but i fear that would be lost on them HAHA

also if you… don’t wanna see that kinda stuff… just don’t look at it… don’t hate on people who do… life would be easier for everyone… but moving on

i debated splitting yin yu x he xuan x hua cheng from the moon quartet then decided against it because it was getting waaaay too chaotic

rip to quan yizhen, either he has no manhua art or i couldn’t find it (i haven’t read the manhua yet ffjhshd)

uhhh i got a lot of inspo abt huayin from @devotedbutterfly’s tiktoks and stuff (sorry for going thru like all of ur stuff and generally being a demon on ur tiktok and tumblr ahsjdj) and xuanyin/blackmoon stuff from @ghooostbaby so. yes their stuff is very cool :]

anyways-

first chart is different explanations for everyone’s relationship with one another

the second is me trying to simplify them into categories

BUT i’ll explain this a lotttt better in text

quanyin

uh. this one feels self explanatory

hualian

if i have to explain this one it’s over

fengqing

same as the first two LMAO

xianle trio

yes, i had to break the trio and quartet into different categories

mulian: mu qing always admired xie lian for his self-assuredness, strength, and also beauty. he was a bit jealous of him for a long time, but they were able to talk about it and they both forgave each other for everything that happened in the past. he's had a crush on him since the beginning, but was bad at showing it. xie lian thought mu qing was pretty and a very interesting person; when he got older, he regretted not spending more time getting to know him, so he makes up for it later on in life! he loves when mu qing is softer and shy and more vulnerable than he is usually, and loves how mu qing is a good listener and is pretty emotionally intelligent.

fengqing: well. you get the idea

fenglian: feng xin was always loyal, the first person to have fallen in love with xie lian, and dianxia’s first kiss. he would’ve never left xie lian if xie lian hadn’t told him to. he respected xie lian a lot. xie lian loved how much feng xin cared, and felt immensely guilty about being unable to give him anything more. when they reunite, he showers feng xin with gifts and words of affirmation (he got better at expressing his emotions) and they spend a lot of time together

xianle quartet

all the other ones stay the same, so i’ll just explain the two new ones

huaqing: they were once stuck together and had to talk just out of boredom. they bickered a little but the more they talked the more they realized that there was more to the other. mu qing feels genuinely bad about what he did to hua cheng. he has a hard time apologizing but he tried his best to express his remorse, and hua cheng was pretty shocked (previously thought mu qing was a bit of an asshole) and, since mu qing was being sincere, decided to accept his apology. they hit some rough patches now and then, but xie lian and feng xin help them through it. they realized they’re pretty similar, and team up to stir up trouble with people they don’t like sometimes!

huaxin: feng xin was jealous of hua cheng because he was the one who won xie lian’s heart after 800 years and was really happy when he found out that xie lian liked him too. he admires that hua cheng was strong enough to help xie lian so many times. he also likes that hua cheng is a little cocky sometimes (read: very often), and finds hua cheng very good looking. hua cheng was jealous of feng xin for being the first person to be that close to xie lian, but appreciates how loyal he was throughout everything that happened and finds him pretty cool. he likes the way feng xin curses a lot when he’s pissed (finds it endearing)

huayin

ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVES!!!

yin yu fell first, because hua cheng was so fascinatingly determined and also like the prettiest person he’s ever met. he was intimidating, but could be quite kind, as he was to yin yu when they broke past the employee/employer relationship and became closer

hua cheng began to notice the way yin yu came off as so meek and unnoticeable, but had a kind of poised anger and strength beneath all of that. he trusted yin yu with a lot of more important tasks, paid him well, and considered him as more of a right hand man or partner in crime than a henchman, then eventually as just a partner

e’ming also likes yin yu, and trusts him to take care of it

hua cheng finds it endearing when yin yu gets protective of him (both of them know hua cheng is perfectly capable, but hua cheng finds it sweet regardless)

yin yu cheered hua cheng on a lot with xie lian and patiently listened to everything hua cheng had to say about him

huayinlian/hualianyu

ANOTHER PERSONAL FAVE

ppl keep being like “oh but hua cheng would never cheat on xie lian” HOW IS THAT CHEATING! GOOD LORD! HUA CHENG STILL LOVES XIE LIAN, BUT HAS ALSO DEVELOPED FEELINGS FOR THE PERSON HE SPENT THE MOST AMOUNT OF TIME WITH

i digress

yin yu fell for xie lian because he heard about him all the time. how could you spend so much time hearing about how wonderful, kind, gracious, and amazing someone is without catching feelings a little? additionally, hua cheng allowed yin yu to visit xie lian’s temple and leave offerings, trusting him to be genuine in his actions. yin yu saw some of the paintings and sculptures of xie lian and found him beautiful. he knows a lot about xie lian's life, and truly wants him to find peace and happiness

xie lian loves how devoted yin yu was to hua cheng and how much he helped him. he knows those years were hard for hua cheng, and he’s glad that he had a companion (contrary to what people say about “cheating”, xie lian is incredibly happy that hua cheng managed to find love while he was waiting). i know yin yu is canonically “plain”, but xie lian loves him and thinks he’s very handsome :) he gives him a lot of compliments and words of affirmation

blackmoon (yinxuan)

taking a moment to appreciate that very awesome ship name

yin yu thought he xuan was terrifying and intense, only to discover that. he’s just a guy (/pos). but he does have a lot going on! he has urges and a complex history and emotions he doesn’t show to a lot of people and plans within plans and is generally such an interesting person with so many layers to him. beneath a lot of those layers is a guy who’s kind and smart and would’ve stayed kind and smart if his life wasn’t utterly ruined

he xuan initially thought yin yu was just kind of pathetic, but learned more about him and started to like him more. he finds his passion really attractive, loves how genuinely sweet, kind, and gentle he is as well as how harsh, cruel, and unrelenting he can be. he treats he xuan well and makes him feel human and real and knows when to leave him alone and knows when he wants attention and cooks for him and-

they feel seen around each other, having experienced similar things (such as having their destiny “stolen” in different ways though) and have experienced suffering in such a firsthand way. they’re ready to just chill together now :)

moon quartet (hua cheng, xie lian, he xuan, and yin yu)

xie lian finds he xuan cool, doesn’t have too many thoughts about him. he xuan thinks xie lian is cute and also mildly terrifying (i’m definitely editing this later on, i just don’t have a lot of thoughts about them yet)

hua cheng and he xuan have been close for a long time, helping each other out with ghost king business. hua cheng let he xuan relax and chill at ghost city when he needed to, and he xuan kept a close eye on the heavenly capital, so they met often and bonded. they’re both motivated by something and are incredibly passionate about that thing, so they mutually admire the other’s drive and courage

i have the least for them so far, but i just think they’d be sweet together :] they’d all help each other heal and be able to talk to each other. they’d love each other a lot and take care of one another when they need it and be there when someone needs someone :3 idk they’re so traumatized and deserve to recover from that i’ll form more thoughts i swear

ANYWAYS. that’s it for now i’m def gonna write stuff for all of these ships :0 they’re all very special to me 💖 i might add them to my 30 day fluff challenge :3 cuz they all deserve some nice fluff! (ill also keep updating + editing! feel free to ask me to explain relationships more, id love to <3)

[jazzmasternot]

Hazbin hotel college AU head cannons

Note: decided to write these out after reading @sprainedwriting’s fanfic about Adam being a frat boy and I took that concept and ran with it.

Obviously this is based off of my own university experience where I attend a really big public university in the southern US. so that’s where my takes are coming from.

This is also my first time writing anything on here so there’s that aswell.

Charlie

Majors in musical theatre, but not performance education. She wants to be the unhinged theatre teacher that everyone loves. Lives in one of those really fancy student apartment lofts with keke. And is part of the cat club where she feeds the cats on campus

Vaggie

She probably does something super hard like biomedical engineering (let’s go women in stem!) which takes up allot of her time already. Is also an RA for one of the dorms on campus which is good for her bc free housing and gets paid to do her homework at the front desk. Met Charlie in an English class and have been together ever since. When she’s not on call she’s spending the night at Charlie’s and Charlie’s almost always sitting at the front desk with vaggie even tho she doesn’t work or live at the dorm and no one says anything bc it’s just not that deep.

Alastor

Majors in audio engineering and runs the campus radio station that people definitely still listen too. He went to community college first then transferred to a four year (to save money ofc) and is a commuter where he still lives with his mom. Does work study where he works the front desk of the library where he does his homework and works on his scripts for his radio show. Has no interest in working with Vox since he runs the tv channel simply bc he doesn’t want all that extra work. Still takes his notes on pen and paper and still has a nightmare of a time figuring out to electronically submit all his assignments and take his tests.

Angel dust

Okay so hear me out he majors in math ikik it sounds crazy but every gay math major I’ve ever met acts just like Angel dust. Goes to raves and frat parties even tho the guys don’t want him there but he always brings girls with him so the kinda have to let him in. Does nude modeling for extra cash at the art school so he’s kinda a celeb over there even tho he’s not in anyway related to that major.

Husk

Majors in Restaurant and hotel management and is one of those college students that are in their late twenties so already has more life experience than most other ppl here so he doesn’t do allot of the stupid college that allot of other ppl do. Lives in some off campus apartment that’s just a large house rented out to students made to look like a apartment (yk the ones in talking abt) works at the dive bar located just off campus that everyone goes to atleast once in their four years.

Sir pentious

Majors in mechanical engineering or industrial design I can’t really decided. Definitely uses the 3D printer all the time and is on the robotics team, which wins every competition they go to.

Nifty

She’s changed her major so many times nobody knows anymore. Is part of the kpop club and has biases complete with intricately decorated covers, like she has so many photo cards. Also runs the campus hotties account where it’s just a bunch of candids of cute guys taken from far away. Will also get really pissed if you don’t wash your dishes bc it will attract bugs so if ur her roommate you better do the dam dishes.

Cherry bomb

Art major and is the one who got Angel the nude modeling gig. Is always pulling all nighters bc she kept postponing the assimgment till the last minute. Has probably vandalized a couple buildings surrounding the university but hasn’t been caught. Goes to raves and the aforementioned frat parties with Angel. Also has a traffic cone in her dorm room for no other reason than just bc.

Vox

Majors in multi media marketing, runs the campus tv and YouTube channel. Definitely the president of a frat that inflates his ego more than it already is. Always at sporting events at the front row with all the frat guys giving everyone the inside scoop and game commentary. Is very pissed that alastor won’t work with him. Treats himself like a campus celebrity even tho ppl could care less and are just trying to get their degree.

Valentino

majors in film and media productions yeah he’s one of those. Always asking if you’ve seen pulp fiction and telling you that you need to watch some random black and white movie that’s only in French. Will definitely invite you over to watch something with you but we all know that’s not the case. Also all his film projects has allot of unnecessary nudity and sex under the guise of artistic expression, even when it’s so not relevant to the plot. Unless it’s a film that he’s making for the university in which case Vox is controlling every aspect of it which in this case is a good thing. Smokes in his dorm room without a care in the world and has really loud inconsiderate sex at any random point in the 24 hour day cycle.

Velvette

Majors in public relations and runs the university’s Instagram account. She’s always walking up to ppl with a lil microphone to ask you to tell us what you’re wearing. Speaking off she always comes to class dressed up (like the international students) no leggings and tennis shoes for her. Also is definitely in a divine nine sorority, and runs their insta too.

Carmilla

She’s a professor for the aerospace engineering dept and shes here bc she got sick of making rockets for Lockheed Martin and reatheon. Hella smart and ppl are baffled that she chose to give up a seven figure job to teach a bunch of college kids but she’s so chill abt it tho.

Zestial

Definitely English lit professor, makes you read the books no one’s heard of and not the classics. Always brings his own open regular coffee mug from his house to sip his tea from instead of a thermos, everyone asks how he doesn’t spill it on his ride to work. Also just straight up has an electric kettle in his office so he can have tea whenever he wants. Takes turns with carmilla eating lunch in each other’s offices.

Rosie

Studies agriculture sciences and food processing. Will probably run a slaughter house when she’s done with her degree. Hangs out with Alastor in his radio booth from time to time just to gossip about whatever drama is going around lately. Wears long skirts and a tote bag all the time. Is always sweet to Charlie and Emily, also loathes Vox just as much as Alastor she just finds him annoying.

Lucifer

Is probably a religion professor that’s not religious at all and is super laid back in his class like one easy discussion board post a week. The kinda guy to be like “it’s so nice out let’s have class outside today guys” or “if I make this shot ur all getting extra credit on the quiz this week”.

Adam

Definitely majors in finance and is a frat boy. And his band plays at all the said frat parties. Is very insufferable to talk to at parties will try tell you how crypto is the currency of the future and how wolf of Wall Street is his favorite movie. Has a Saturdays are for the boys flag in his room and navy blue sheets. Oh did I mention he vapes he definitely vapes those Mike Tyson ones that taste awful and look like bricks yeah those. Always gets drunk at the tailgate way before the game is even started.

Lute

Yeah she’s in premed and wants everyone to know she’s better than you bc of it. Everyone else’s major is easy compared to hers so don’t you dare complain about all your assignments in her vicinity. She’s basically made it her whole identity like she’s in the premed honors society, future doctors of America. Types her notes on her laptop and then rewrites them with all her gel pens and fancy highlighters, like thee be so colorfull and pretty then the title would be something like blood clots. Still friends with Adam bc they went to the same highschool together and always helping him with his homework in turn he gets her into the tailgate tents and frat parties so she always gets free alcohol.

Emily

Majors in Elementary education and looks like it too, with the Stanley cup, James Avery charm bracelet, and all. She also takes super pretty notes but she does them in class which is super power all in itself, like her desk is scattered with gel pens and highlighters of every color and swears by her bullet journal. She also feeds the cats on campus with Charlie and runs the arts and crafts club on campus where they always host events like tote bag painting in the grass area of the university. Also doesn’t drink bc she’s not twenty one yet even tho she’s in college and definitely won’t smoke even tho most of the ppl that show up to her events are total potheads

Sera

She’s like the university president who doesn’t actually GAF abt the students and just fund’s athletics and raises tuition every year under miscellaneous fees. She tries to come off as supportive when she’s out in public but no one’s buying it.

[scorpiothesaint]

WRITEBLR INTRO xx

hey, all! i’m n.k. :-)

i'm not new to tumblr (have had a few diff accounts since 2011/2012), but i'm new to interacting with writeblr proper. 

ABOUT ME

late 20s

black & queer & disabled 

lifelong writer/musician/creative (in both professional and hobbyist capacities)

finally finishing my degree in creative writing & english! 

ARTISTIC/THEMATIC INTERESTS 

literary fiction, horror, camp, kitsch, diversity, introspection, family/friend bonds (especially nontraditional ones), romance, art rock, nostalgia, technology, diy ethos 

GOALS

connect with the tumblr writing community at large! for a while i was unable to get excited about my non-work, non-fanfic related writing projects. over the past year or so, my passion’s been renewed, and i just wanna chatter with like-minded folks about my longform WIPs, my short stories, etc – and geek over other people’s work here too <3

WIPS 

Dagmar

there’s always something going down in dagmar, an insular coastal community straddling the delaware bay. pragmatic tech geek zeke omezie-fumudoh, 18, prefers to keep her head in her books and projects – deaths and disappearances were common in her parents’ home country, too, after all. when her best friend dodie dies, however, zeke has no choice but to start trying to connect the dots & face the potential supernatural forces at play. 

[this is finna be dark fantasy/horror, romance, mystery, and queer as hell! i got a lot of worldbuilding to do, but a few months ago the twist popped into my head 1st and i’ve been working backwards. i'm sooo excited abt figuring out the narrative path(s) i gotta take]

Dave & The Family Davenport

20-year-old twin musicians dorian & daria davenport are a little s club 7, a little sly stone, & a whole lotta spitfire. as the very first act signed to holliday records, 30-something producer & label founder dave levine considers it his duty to take the family davenport under his wing. they become his pet project – and eventually something more to him. 

[i’m taking this one in a literary/drama direction! thinking found family and music industry commentary vibes. idea came from revisiting big time rush and thinking ‘what would happen if you mix btr + the carpenters + prince + mtv’s making the band??’ (for the record, dave is 100% NOT meant to be a p. d*ddy analogue re: making the band, i'm mainly thinking of the aesthetics of the young artists of color featured on the show)]

Several fun essays about my personal fandom/shipping history (one is about all the diff sites i've used over 17+ years of reading/writing fanfic, another is an old-school livejournal-style ship manifesto that i plan to make into a video! etc etc)

SHORT FICTION 

blank [literary/drama, 300 wds]

fortune teller [literary/drama, 300 wds]

hothouse [horror, 500 wds]

a certain standard of care [horror-comedy/surreal/gross-out, 1k wds]

good bones (or, an exercise in letting go) [literary/dramedy, 1.3k wds]

[writing tag: scorpio the scribe]

hmu if you think we'd get along <3 i need more ppl to follow!

[ETA: i prefer to follow/be mutuals w/ ppl 18+ only, ty!]

[skimmeh]

HELLO! Welcome to my stinky page

Call me Skimmeh or just Finn or literally make up a name for me I don't care haha

Pronouns: he/him (but I don't mind if you use they/them or neopronouns, I think I like star! So maybe that too if yah want)

(skin on pfp credit)

Currently interest is Minecraft and mcyt. Specifically the hermitcraft and life series side of mcyt!! And the most normal about desertduo, yup.

ALSO RUNNING A FAN SERIES CALLED STAREATER WITH MY FRIEND!! CHECK IT OUT!!

---

Boundary stuff:

I'm firmly ace, so this is a nsfw safe zone :), I might draw some shippy art on the rare occasion, but it's all platonic. And also not RPF. (We do not ship real ppl here)

This is me also asking please not to bring nsfw stuff in my ask box or in tags please, it makes me super uncomfortable :)

Also don't send me art requests unless I stated I want some

And when it comes to using my art, I don't mind if you want to use it as pfp, wallpaper, just please credit me as the artist if it's ever shown online or in public

If there's any particular thing you'd like to use my art for, just ask me first!

As long as you are not selling my art, straight up reposting uncredited or training AI I'm pretty chill about it.

---

Places you can find me:

Twitter (unfortunately)

Tiktok

Ko-fi

ao3

---

My inbox is always open!!! So if you have any questions or just wanna say anything, go for it.

ALSO COMMONLY ASKED QUESTIONS INCLUDING BRUSHES AND ART PROGRAMS I ANSWER HERE!! save your ask haha

Also if you have any stareater fanart please tag me or show me I will cry/pos

[cupcakeslushie]

Where do you get the motivation to make the comics that you do hot damn

Aw, I just really love this fandom, and the show gave us so much to work with that unfortunately, we didn’t get to explore!

I do get kinda burned out sometimes. A pretty bad, 2 month art block finally feels like it’s starting to pass…

Sometimes I get so tired, that I have nothing left in the idea well, and I’m just running in circles by pushing myself. When this happens, I’ll force myself to take a break—sometimes work on other creative endeavors, outside of tumblr. If I don’t step away, I can get stuck in this stupid perfectionist spiral, where nothing I make is satisfying anymore.

I think I’ve just learned over time, what’s a necessary growth road bump to be pushed through, and what’s actually my body, telling me it needs a breather.

But also seeing all the cool art/edits/writing/etc the fandom have done can often inspire me to get back to it! And a ton of motivation comes from reading tags/notes left on my posts or in my ask box! It’s always a nice thing to see—even if I’m creating the stuff that I, myself like seeing—it’s not as though that extra bit of positive feedback doesn’t factor into my motivation level! I’d still create stuff, but probably not nearly as quickly, or as much, before moving onto another interest.

I think the fact that I’ve remained motivated to stay creating in this fandom, speaks a lot to the quality of the show, and the fans. There’s of course some…less than polite ppl, that could treat creators with a bit more kindness (👁️👄👁️). But I’m very lucky in that, I’ve personally, never felt so welcome and included in a space. I luv my buds in the discord Council, who are all constantly bouncing ideas off each other, and hype-man-ing it up. And so many creators whom I respect, will send positive feedback my way. I’ve never had all that before, as a chronic lurker in other fandoms. It’s all just having too much fun to stop!

[ianthoni]

Listen, Anthony's IG stories be about unconditional love and whatnot. I don't give a flying rats ass, they're about Ian 😎

LISTEN whenever i share my thoughts ppl call me crazy. But hear me out. I'm running an update account (@ian-anthonyupdates ) and im following his stories since december. And i believe all his stories about destiny/finding the true love/unconditional love/universe/sun-moon coded, fire and water coded stories are about Ian. And i have a ten pics limit so im gonna show a little bit whats in my head. (Check spirituality/lover boy tags in my updates profile you're gonna see what i mean i think half of them are related to Ian if not most) (the unconditional love videos he share is gonna be last)

Starting from his art pieces and their connection to Ian. This post was shared on the night of eclipse. For you guys to fully understand this whole interaction i need to start from the beginning of the day. Ian shared he watched the eclipse that day. He sharing a meme and a shadow of the eclipse (I'm gonna explain more in the next part) and then Anthony shared the red painting you can see at the back. Around the same time. That was Ian's FIRST ever comment in Anthony's painting account. He also followed Anthony's painting page and said 'this one was my favorite one so far'. And that night Anthony shared this heart, with the painting Ian liked at the back. Heart with an eye in it. Now eye is a keyword for us remember that it's gonna come up later in this essay lmao also noticed the tray in the table? Yeah it is coming in now.

Now here is the part tray comes in. That first tray is Anthony's tray. We can see it on the story he shared from the same day. And the eclipse story is Ian's story, he was watching the eclipse. Did you notice something? It is Anthony's tray, theyre watching the eclipse together. Now you may say that tray didnt come out in the factory as one piece. But remember it is from the same day. And its up to you if you believe it or not im just giving my observation. And remember this is the same day he liked Anthony's painting and followed his account. It is very very possible that they were together and maybe he even watched Anthony while he is painting.

After that watching the eclipse story. Anthony made an eclipse painting. Very obviously the sun hugging the moon. I love sun and moon ianthony stories because Anthony himself said Ian is like the sun. And we all know the romantic meaning of moon and sun, how sun illuminates the moon, how moon is in love with the sun and always around it. So it fits them. And Anthony shared this painting a few times after he did it which he was not doing that at the time. Like he wanted someone to see it and like it, comment on it like he did before with the red painting. But it didnt happen sadly :/ (this also might be the reason of instagram drama but im not opening that can of worms)

Now the EYES. Anthony and his obsession with blue eyes. This is definitely coming from looong before (i.e all his past gfs being blue eyed) but you know who's the first blue eye he met? Yeah you guessed it right. Ian. It doesnt even have to be love, but i think ian's eyes was always a safe place to him, something warm and remind him home and makes him feel happy cause Ian makes him happy. And he always complimented ian's eyes, how theyre beautiful and whenever Ian wears blue he always mention it, he even said "your eyes are out of this word" in Jared Leto live stream. So he loves blue eyes of a special person. And if you noticed before he loves drawing them too, either just blue pupils or full blue eyes but there's a couple of them. I'm specifically sharing this one cause he put a secret message in this. "I see the universe in your eyes" he shared lots of stuff about universe and destiny and love. And talked about him and Ian meeting again was universes job/ destiny. So i think he is associating Ian with the destiny/universe/galaxies stuff. NOW whats MORE interesting is Ian shared that story 7 hours after Anthony shared his painting... Interesting right. Oh btw Anthony always share his painting steps but he didnt share the i see the universe in your eyes. Like its a secret message just for one person to get it. And that person get it and send his own message back.

To accompany the eclipse painting, he used two songs, one that talked about a "longing" and another that was called Bliss and was the same piece that was playing in another story he shared that was about "consciousness observing the feeling of falling in love". (Which makes the romantic connotation of the eclipse painting undeniable). To make it even more interesting the same day he posted that eclipse painting he posted a picture of himself in lan's office, under a tapestry depicting a sun.

Ok this is getting SO LONG. But stay with me. The first one the hug. I shared that the hug looks exactly like their hugs. This is not obviously just that. The caption is more important. "Our differences makes us complete. Anthony talked about Ian and him being opposites in multiple videos till now. They're like water and fire, sun and moon, yin and yang. But this doesnt change the fact that they always find each other. If anything they're so happy with it now. They're getting along more than before.

Well do i have to say anything? Friendship always wins.

Again water and fire hugging allegory. I love that he's thinking of each other like that. He also make comments about Ian bringing the fire, also the fact that he's sun literally fire ball. Ian's favorite movie rrr had water/sun allegory. So it is obv to me he thinks of them when it's about opposites falling. Oh and he also have a "in order to live life we need fire" tattoo.

This one is so funny cause i didnt get it until they talk in the live stream. He talked about how he saw Ian going for a walk and he said can I join you too? And ofc Ian said yes and they went for a walk around together. He literally shared this the day Ian and him go for a walk together 😭 he said life is pretty good actually after spending time with Ian is so🥺

This was also from the same day he went on a walk with Ian. I think it fits. Watch hot tub live stream for the full walk story.

This was the day after they spend time together, going for a walk, shooting day. He missed someone.

Tbh this is pretty self explanatory too. He did see Ian as coming home, a safe place, like turning back home after a Kong tiring day, just like he did with meeting with Ian again and glowing with him each passing day.

Well Ian is pretty LMAO and i don't see he's posting this about someone new. Like idk 🤷🏻

Again the unconditional love theme. He share a lot of stuff about this actually. I think it fits them. He loves Ian without a reason.

People think the first one is about someone new. Cause of the way it says "and then one day someone walks into your life" like someone walks into his life just now. But i see this as him remembering their first meet. How Ian walked into his life that very day in 6th grade and how he changed his life completely. Anthony is so talented don't get me wrong but if they're smosh now, if he is Anthony Padilla™ now its because of Ian. Ian was with him from the very beginning. He was helping him, encouraging him, supporting him when he was a shy lil teen in front of the camera. I think Ian is the one that walking in his life and completely changing it in the best way possible.

Unconditional love, a theme he is posting about very occasionly. Since we're that deep and ppl already call me delulu im just gonna write what i write to friends when i see his unconditional love stories.

Unconditional love means he would love him without expecting anything in return. This doesn't mean there's no love returning back to him but means he would love him even if there wasn't. Even if Ian didn't hug him enough or kiss him enough or share him with the world the way he wants it. He'd still love him. Cause his love is unconditional. He doesn't need any of this. He still loves him without getting to shout out to the world.

He is meaning he would love him for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. This is basically a wedding wow. It doesnt mean he thinks Ian wont make him laugh or he is not beautiful or hes poor, no he means even if he had nothing he'd still love him. Hence the unconditional. They loved each other when they were little boy's that have nothing and look like little gremlins. And i think its not gonna go away soon.

Oh also did you notice something? The very beginning of the video. Is basically the same as the ornament in Ian's room. With a bright and rising sun in it : )

Ok bye love y'all 💖

[memecucker]

Thinking about this time in college when I went to a start of year party at the dorm of my friend who also happened to become my neighbor that year and she had a roommate who I kinda like immediately clicked with like we shared similar interests and we kept returning to having conversations bc it felt like we were both interested in talking to the other and when I mentioned that I had a student membership at the Art Institute of Chicago and would study in the lounge she thought that was really cool and would like it if I could show her around it later on after she’s settled in. And I was thinking oh cool I got a date with a cool neighbor girl neat plus I’m friends with her roommate. So the next week my roommates and my friend and her roommates minus the one I was interested went out and I asked about her and my friend said she was busy and same thing next week and eventually my friend picked up that I liked her roommate and she got out that the girl I liked was trying to not sound rude and actually didn’t like going to clubs and holy shit neither did I I only came because I thought she would. So my friend said that next weekend the girl is gonna be out of town but after that she’ll try one more time to get her to come and if not she’ll throw a room party so the two of us can chat again and I can ask her out. Sweet

Anyway one of the ppl she invited was an old high school guy friend that showed up a day early (while the girl I was interested in was still out of town) to stay over and also this guy was a coke fiend that brought a lot of cocaine to share and he bragged about all the cocaine and he was bad enough of a coke fiend that he was picking it out of the carpet when the lines were finished which I thought it was funny bc it was pretty fucking shitty cocaine compared to what my ex-raver roommate had and also this guy was the son of the mayor of a Chicago suburb so he obviously has never faced consequences before type and also liked heavily quoting rap lyrics with the n word and also once left me in a room with my unconscious friend and closed the door behind him as if he was expecting me to do something and was giving a courtesy. Also got the vibe he may have invited himself over.

Anyway the next day at some point around noon the girl I was interested in came back and saw someone trashed in their living room and also broke into her room and trashed it and stole basically all the valuables and yes it was the scummy rich white boy coke fiend that somehow has coke that felt like it was cut with table salt son of Chicago suburb mayor that stole her stuff and somehow thought he’d get away with it which didn’t happen because his dad has no influence over Chicago PD or the girls family who happened to be lawyers.

So obviously she changed dorms and partially blames my friend for what happened for inviting or at least not kicking out/watching that guy and they then absolutely hated each other I won’t go into all the details.

Anyway that’s the story of how I accidentally influenced a chain of events that caused the the girl I was gonna ask out to get her room burglarized and incinerating the chances of actually getting a date bc what was I gonna say “hey remember me I’m the friend of the roommate that brought over a guy that robbed you? Wanna see the Andy Warhol exhibit?”

[yourmaidsp]

Hello, I’m inlove with your art style and how you draw sceneries!! I really wanna try learning how to draw backgrounds more often, do you have any tips about drawing background? Thank you!

Complete guide to Background painting:

So um thank u for asking me Caleb- chan (˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ )! Im glad u trust me on this! But I'm not actually that confident about myself on this, and as a chaotic anarchist, I'll just dump everything I know about this topic to u...

There's so much to talk about background painting, so this is going to be very long, pls bear w me here n forgive me for the broken english_(:зゝ∠)_

It's better to demonstrate with an illustration, so I'll be using this colorkey for that upcoming animated project as an example(two versions for different methods).. along with some other old pics of mine and this sketch I loosly built.

(Also just like I've mentioned in the color tutorial, this would be the only time I explain the theories n tricks, bc it takes too much time to make these.(；′⌒`) I hope ppl r okay w this?)

Purpose and rules

Well for me personally, I'd like my paintings to be rich in storytelling and emotion, rather than a pure decorative picture. So I'm providing two basic methods here, one about realistic background, another about surreal background.

We'll talk about these two in later chapters, but first, preparation.

Preparation

Like I mentioned in last tutorial, gather information before u start any project.

Some irl images —— for real life physics, I'm studying mostly reflections here.

Refs from the original material —— Ofc

Illustrations —— once you studied the irl physics, check out how other ppl deal with the same situation for inspiration, but pls don't just copy them.

Movies —— I think they're just neat (for a nice overall tone, and that helps making your work more)

You could start by painting characters on existing photos, it's a nice exercise.

Realistic

Realistic background requires the understanding of a lot of things, for me personally, proportion is the most important, bc it's the easiest mistake your viewer could spot.

If u check any tutorials on this they'll say u need to use vanishing points to create invisible grids and , I loosly made these to show u how they work

most of the time u use vanishing points to set up the whole scene, two would be enough most of the time.

( Well, or three points, if u want to do something more dramatic, fancy. Or 5 points if u want to do something even more dramatic. )

( For a more lens based logic, 3 or 5 points work best for a mock up 15-35 focal length shot.)

Do a grid using these points. and build environment following the grid.

Put your character in this environment, and their vanishing point will match the one with this environment.

Determine the lighting for your environment, one lightsource first.

Then do the shadow for your character.

(If you don't want a very detailed background this would be enough? Normally I don't do sharp and clear perspective for a more chaotic and hand crafted aesthetic.)

But again, sometimes u just need it to be extremely accurate.

So I made a model for my animation scene, it's widely used by concept artists, so if u're interested, try it out:

u don't have to make a complete set, just boxes would also help.

Surreal

No need to think about actual background this time, just do whatever u want that makes it look good in 2d composition.

u could check out my tutorial on composition on this.

For topics and ideas to put in these experimental surreal paintings, u could try thinking in a "meta" way?

Like this one, I compositioned it from the understating of texture and material : glass.

all the strokes r square-ish, making everything looks breakable.

and the composition is also square-ish, u see sharp edges for the silhouette

Um... it's something I can't explain to the fullest, but u'll get it one day...

Demonstration

And now, the demonstration: I've painted this twice, this one using Blender as the assisting tool:

My logic here is using a mild color scheme over an existing environment, using strokes following the structure.

I made mock up lightings in my model, so the lighting is easier.

the rest is just putting Butters in this set.

And this one just traditional method + eyeballing: (what I've been using recently)

Since I'm not painting over model, eyeballing the set or use the vanishing point+ grid method from earlier... then set the main tone for it (this time it's blue)

I went for a very saturated blue compairing to the other one.

Then paint the light out, for a main light source. I used yellow for a contrasting effect.

The rest is basically the same, but since it doesn't have a model under it I don't need the strokes to tenderize the solidness of an existing model...

Anyways...

I'd suggest u use whatever method that is more comfortable to you, bc I might not be that good at doing it most effectively_(:зゝ∠)_ and I'm sure you're going to find your own unique way!)

Recording of these two paintings is here, hope they're helpful to u:

Exercise and Summarize

So um, after each painting u might want to summarize. One thing I would do is to remove saturation and check if the grayscale looks good-

check what colors u used the most-

check what angle (or shots or framing) u like better-

check what lighting suits your atmosphere-

these are good for u to develop a style-

There are some tutorials on the internet on more of this topic, I'm sure ur able to find them, they'll do a better job for me I think~

And I'm sorry this came out so late! a lot of things have happened...

Hope u have a good time creating art, and have a nice day Caleb-!

-Maid

[acidichcl]

I’ve been seeing people make their own tmnt iteration for a while now and i wanted to finally join in the fun. Im not as creative tho so 😭 whatever. Heres me doodling the main cast to get an idea what they look like in my version

Edit: this is kinddaaa outdated. Theres been a few changes to their designs

I wanted to get the 2000s cartoon vibes. And i was thinking of sgt frog too while making this so there might be the same vibes. I love sgt frog. I call this version TMNT: Against All Odds. Probably sounds corny but idk, sounds catchy

Some info about them under the cut

April’s the one who dressed them up based on their interests. Excluding leo’s and donnie’s techs. Donnie made his tech and leo’s hologram control thing. And leo’s hologram necklace is actually a gift April got from her science teacher, Baxter Stockman. More on that later tho. Maybe. Idk yet

In my version, things are more lighthearted. Shredder is an alien that took over the utroms planet and so the utroms escape to earth. Theyre like pests tho, they carry ooze that makes ppl sick. Theyre not TOO harmful, but theyre bothersome. the turtles do fight crime that happens and also tries to help out with utrom situations. The turtles are mostly carefree and has a more positive outlook on everything. Leo tends to be the most innocent, other than mikey. They both have so much joy and love in their hearts bless them

The best way i can describe donnie is that he’s like Rise donnie but less vocal abt his sense of superiority and intelligence(?) my donnie is more mysterious and puts on an off-putting facade just for the fun of creeping people out. He cares for others tho and it rlly shows that hes kind hearted. Just a bit weird and sometimes takes his pranks too far (he pranks his brothers with his inventions to show how impressive his inventions are. Sometimes it fails and so their adventures consists of them having to get around donnie’s invention problems) if you watch Sgt frog, then u can tell i got heavily inspired by Kululu lol

My raph is basically like 2003 raph i think, just a bit nicer

For April, i wanted to make her be a popular girl in her school. Shes not a mean popular girl. She just is popular for some reason and shes cool with everyone. Everyone gets along, mostly, but she just doesnt like being around people and prefers to stay home doing her own thing. Shes an art kid who loves anything artsy, especially making her own stories

Overall theyre just having fun tbh. I want them to not have trauma for once😭 or at least not yet. Other than the whole utroms situation, their problems are mostly them wanting to have fun outside and do normal people stuff but April doesnt let them cuz she knows people will be weirded out by them. And other shenanigans. I do have more plans for them but for now, this is all

Close ups without the little notes:

[obscure-entity]

ok so going back to this post from wayy back in august (rbing it again would be a mess)

i think it'd be important for me to give a reflection on what this was about. i was making a planning-presentation months ago, which i shouldnt be so afraid to show but rereading my writing produces the same guttural yuck and fear that looking at my old art used to. and it led to all of these pieces. click for full view bc some of them are cropped

writing being the one thing im horrified of is ironic for me asking. but i have to ask if anyone's sincerely interested in my personal analysis of these ? i considered video format but if i wuss out of using my voice i might find some other way

and um. as for how i feel about them, i love these to death and can feel my hand aching thinking about every colored-pencil motion but i just dont feel like i attached myself to these in the way i wanted to. EXCEPT the second piece where a lamb is being snatched by the sky itself. although they do live up to their own messages to me

i discovered that, while i wanted to focus a lot on the aspects of feeling inhuman as a personal identity, in the second half it shifted more to perception. every individual is some sort of monster, creature, or animal because they are not "known" or acknowledged by hypothetical human-set standards, thus making them "unknown." this entire mini-portfolio is literally about the "unknown." the "unknown" is something i keep repeating a lot when im trying to grasp at this same concept. if a person cannot read your expression or wants to mischaracterize what you're thinking, you are "unknown." its really basic nature to be afraid of the unknown, but it's another step to invent new reasons to be afraid via an untrained disgust reaction for anything not reasonably comfortable, familiar, safe. and the attempt at creating "familiarity" is through assigning labels to things around you, simply put. which is just a bandaid shutting the teeth of some beast, to me

after all these months i still dont know what part of me this is about by the way. something behavioral. for example im pretty sure i weird people the FUCK out by staying silent or keeping to myself. and it took me years to realize that actually has a reason to scare people

what im saying is. dear marginalized ppl please keep depicting yourselves as weird monsters that scare people and bite. or some other strange thing that accomplishes the task of Just Sitting There.

im so happy this is essentially completed by the way ? i had another piece i never finished (im not sure i want to, colored pencils fucked me over hard) its just that i didnt think the months would pass that fast. writing about it was really nice when i was trying to kind of realize the mindset for my future personal art too. idk if anyone from the old post is still here but thanks again for the resources :)