#quit wasting your time trying to get their validation

[queerbauten]

I love how people (particularly men) think they get a free pass to be misogynistic when their target is the "pick-me girl", a phrase which increasingly means nothing

[cressidagrey]

Lightning in a Bottle - Chapter 3

Summary: 

Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was actually pretty much useless. The only thing she wanted was to be somebody's first choice for once in her life.

Also known as: Azriel's shadows decide that if he doesn't treat his mate right... they'll just do it for him.

Warnings: 

Stabbing, Azriel unalives somebody that really had it coming, Death by being put on fire

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

*If you keep glaring at Keir like that we are never getting anywhere,* Rhys said into his mind, some amusement bleeding into his voice. 

*I think he’s trying to waste your time on purpose,* Azriel responded with a scowl. 

 The shadows hadn’t picked up anything out of the usual…but that didn’t mean anything…even Keir could manage to hide something if he really wanted to…and he did want to, Azriel thought. 

He wasn’t sure yet what…but there was something. There must be something. 

This meeting was utterly useless, was slowly turning into needless sniping at each other and Azriel didn’t like it…it felt like Keir was just trying to keep them in place for longer. 

The question was just for what? 

It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up like a cat…the feeling that something…something was…not quite right, that he couldn't put his finger on…

He hated that feeling. Azriel much preferred it, when he got all the facts… when he could make plans and plans for his plans…

But he couldn’t…and he was still stuck with being in the Hewn City and not in Velaris.

*Cassian is thinking the same,* Rhys responded with a sigh. *We’ll give it another hour. Don’t worry, we'll be back in Velaris soon enough,* he teased Azriel lightly. Rhys must have caught one of his thoughts. *Give Feyre some time and then you can go get your girl.*

An easy promise given. 

*Not my girl,* Azriel gave back immediately. *Not yet. Not…* Not until she wanted to be. Not until she knew the truth and…

*She won’t turn you down, Az,* Rhys said quietly, sussing out what was really bothering him immediately. 

But what if she did? Eira had every reason in the book to turn him down. Starting with his ill-thought-out pursuit of her actual twin sister to the simple fact of who he was…

She had every reason to tell him to fuck off to the continent because she never wanted to see him again. Granted, he highly doubted she would do that…he had never heard as much as a curse word out of her mouth. 

She had been raised as the daughter of a wealthy merchant, and clearly, that’s how she carried herself, even after everything had happened. 

At least she had clung to that bit of her human life.

*She has every reason to,* Azriel disagreed quietly.  Every reason to turn him down. Regardless of what he wished for…every reason not to be interested. 

What if she wanted to cling to even more of her human life? If the wings that he sprouted from his back were a step too far for her…if the scars that marred his hands were…

Or what if she simply didn’t want him? That would be a valid choice too and he would accept that. 

Of course, he would. 

He never wanted to force her into anything that she didn’t want. 

So what if she hated him? 

*She won't and she doesn't,* Rhys disagreed sharply. *Azriel, Mor was right,” his brother told him pointedly. “Eira has been having a crush on you for years. She’ll probably be ecstatic and immediately start planning your wedding…Maybe Elain can lend her all her wedding binders,” Rhys teased him. 

He bit back a smile at that. Maybe…maybe… He wished for that. He wished that would be…

Whatever she wanted. She wanted a big wedding? He would suffer through that, just for the chance of seeing her happy. Just for her smiling at him…not as painfully polite as she had been last evening but bright and happy and unbridled…He wanted to see that. 

He wanted to see all of that. 

But he pushed that thought away.  

*I am intrigued and terrified by what is actually in these binders,* Azriel admitted drily. *Even you didn’t have that many when you were planning Nesta and Cassian’s mating ceremony.*

*Helion is overcompensating,* Rhys quipped, though they both knew that it probably was the truth. 

After everything had gone down in Autumn, ending with a dead Beron, High Lord Eris and Lucien Vanserra officially becoming Lucien Spell-Cleaver…well.

*I owe you an apology,* Rhys said at that moment, and Azriel stared at his brother, who was listening to Keir with a bored expression on his face. *I did only want…the best for you that solstice but how I went around it…that wasn’t particularly nice to you.*

*Actually I owe you my gratitude,* Azriel said drily. *I didn’t want to hear it then…but I was…I wasn’t in love with Elain. I was…infatuated,* he admitted. *I was jealous of you and Cassian and that…that clouded my judgement. It could have ended very badly if you didn’t intervene.*

Very badly. A Blood Duel would have been their smallest problem then. 

*It could have,* Rhys agreed. *That’s why I interfered in the first place…But I still hurt you in that moment, and I wish I hadn’t.*

*If I keep behaving like an idiot you have my full permission to call me out on it,* Azriel gave back with a sigh. 

*Then stop thinking like you don’t deserve her,* Rhys said with a mental eye roll. 

*Sure, I’ll stop once you stop thinking the same about Feyre,* he shot back. Rhys would have retorted, but he was beaten to it. 

The shadows came suddenly, in a frenzy whispering in his ear, voices hurried and panicking: Master, Master you need to come NOW!

*What’s wrong?* Rhys demanded, just as that dormant bond in his chest was flooded with pure, undiluted terror.  

The Princeling and our Mate! 

*Eira and Nyx,* he choked out. The shadows already grasped him, before Rhys’ mental order could fully reach him.  

*GO!*

They dragged him out of Hewn City, into Velaris.

The ground he hit was scorched. 

That was the first thing he realised. 

Magic crackled in the air, thick and furious, untrained and uncontrolled…that was the second. 

Nyx had one specific playground he loved…one where Azriel knew members of their family often brought him to…with swings that he adored…

It was a place of happiness…of children laughing…of Velaris at its best…

Now…now it was a scorched wasteland. 

The swings? Gone. The smell of burning human flesh in the air, making his stomach twist, eyes tracking over the carnage. 

At least two dead…difficult to say because their bodies were burned…beyond recognition.

One more dead…mouth open in a silent scream…  One…one male held by his shadows, bearing him down onto the ground…and then, right in the middle of that carnage… in a heap on the ground…

The high-pitched crying of Nyx reached his ears, covered by the unmoving body of Eira. 

Azriel had thought that panic had been burned out of him centuries ago. He was taught something better that morning. Because it was panic that flooded his veins. Panic and Terror and…a thousand other things. 

*I need Mor! And Madja!* he snapped along the mental connection to Rhys, already hurling for both of them…sliding onto his knees as he so very carefully touched Eira’s body, feeling the delicate bones underneath his fingertips, a near unseen tremble, the smell of acrid blood clinging to her, layering over her scent. 

She had always smelled like snowdrops to him. Snowdrops and almonds and a crackling hearth. 

Now the blood…the blood…He turned her around, getting no reaction, finding Nyx safe and sound tucked underneath her, crying, his little face red and splotchy as he sobbed. 

*AZRIEL!?* Rhys demanded. 

*Nyx is fine. Not a scratch.* 

All he managed…as he finally saw the scarlet red dripping down onto Nyx…smeared all over him…and then he saw the handle of that dagger protruding from Eira’s limp form. 

Blood. Her blood. 

“Ra! Ra! Ra!” Nyx gargled, just as he finally managed to slap a patch of his killing power around that knife, keeping it steady. He didn’t pull it out, knowing that that could kill her…even when the blood that oozed out around it was starkly black in places…and he could smell the scent of…something burning in the back of his throat. 

Poison. That knife had been poisoned. 

A curse left his mouth at that. 

That wasn't good. That was everything but good. 

*Eira?* Rhys demanded at that moment. 

*Stabbed.*

The connection went silent, just as the booming sound of Morrigan winnowing went in beside him. 

“Az?”

“She needs Madja. Now,” he bit out. “Take them both.”

Safe. Safe. 

He needed her safe. And then he needed…

He leaned down, picking up one limp hand and pressing a kiss against it, her skin clammy and grey…even when he could feel her pulse thrumming underneath the thin skin on the back of her wrist... He breathed in snowdrops and almonds and sweetness...and then let go, because if he didn't...he never would. He would lie right down next to her, waiting for his demise. 

He grasped Truthteller without even thinking about it, as he stalked across the ground towards the one sole survivor. The shadows jerked him up, and Azriel grabbed hold of his throat. 

“What. Did. You. Do?!” he growled. What had they done to Eira?  To his mate?

“I…we…just the Prince…Grab the Prince. No matter the cost,” the male garbled out, the acrid smell of urine hitting his nostrils and only now Azriel took in the black uniform. 

Darkbringer. 

Court of Nightmares. Keir. 

Suddenly… it all made sense. It came together. The secret Keir had been keeping. It was so clear now. 

“Who hired you?!” Azriel spat out, wanting a verbal answer before…before... 

“The Steward!” 

And that’s all he needed to hear, before he drove Truthteller into him, into the exact same place where they had stabbed Eira…not immediately killing him, but seeing his eyes widen, seeing the realisation set in….the pained scream escaping him. 

“She’s mine,” Azriel whispered. “Mine. And you hurt her. You hunted her.” Like a game. Like an animal. 

She was his. His mate. 

And Azriel hadn’t been there to protect her.  He hadn’t been there for any of this…

“Lightning,” the male choked, blood bubbling on his lips. *She…killed…lightning.”

He didn't care what the male told him. It didn't matter. None of this mattered. 

The only thing that mattered was her. 

He watched as the light dimmed in his eyes, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction that he at least had gotten to do this. At least…

*It was Keir,* Rhys said into his mind, his voice deathly quiet.  *He…He ordered…*

*He wanted Nyx,*  Azriel agreed, pulling Truthteller out of the body, letting the male fall to the ground, wiping the blade on his trousers. 

*How many did you kill?* Rhys asked. No judgment. He could have slaughtered three dozen and Rhys wouldn’t have cared at that moment. 

*One.*

He could feel Rhys’ surprise. Then: *He said he sent 4.*

*Two were burned beyond recognition,* Azriel explained. *Another is dead, but still recognisable. I do not know how he died. The whole ground is charred. Scorched.*

A second later…Rhys and Cassian appeared, winnowing in from Hewn City. He imagined that Feyre had gone straight to their son.  Cassian took one look around at the ground, the carnage…the…

“Fuck,” he breathed. “Mor took Nyx and Eira?” he asked and Azriel forced a nod, feeling for that golden thread bound around his rib…wished he would get something, anything from her…

“She shielded him with her body,” he said nearly tonelessly. “He was smeared in her blood because she shielded him.”

Even stabbed, even feeling like she was going to die…Eira had done everything to shield her nephew. Had used her own body to keep him safe. Had protected him with her life. 

Azriel had never doubted that she loved him…but it still…she must not have even hesitated. Just done it.

She was a slip of a girl, with no combat training…and she had faced four of the Court of Nightmare's most elite soldiers and laid down her life if that meant that Nyx would be safe. 

He had seen grown Illyrian Warriors that would have tucked tails and run in this situation. 

Outnumbered…Outpowered. And still, she had stood her ground. 

“What happened here?” Cassian asked as he checked the other recognisable body. 

“They must have surprised her,” Rhys said, his voice shaking. “She thought they were safe. We thought they were safe…”

And they hadn’t been. They hadn’t been safe. 

At all. 

Death had been brought right to their doorstep in Velaris. 

“How did he die?” Rhys demanded from Cassian. 

“He was struck by lightning,” Cassian responded drily. “I have seen this before…on a cow though. It would also explain the scorched ground. If lightning hits the ground, it makes a pattern like that.”

What?

Lightning?

He looked up to the sky. It was a beautiful summer’s day. Not a trace of a storm…anywhere. 

“Do you think it was Nyx?” Cassian asked quietly but Rhys shook his head. 

“I have never seen anybody channel lightning,” Rhys answered, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Never. I…” Neither had Azriel.  “He’s too young to channel magic like that.”

But was he? In a situation like that? When he had just tried to protect Eira? and himself? Maybe even at 1-year-old Nyx had recognised what…what would happen if he didn’t protect himself. Maybe it had been pure instinct on his part…Maybe he had seen Eira fall and that had been…

Eira. 

He reached for that bond again, feeling it tremble and he hung onto it with all his might, clenching his teeth. 

He…

He had failed her, hadn’t he? It should have never come that far. It should have never…It should have never…

Azriel should have been the one taking that knife to the chest, not her. 

“Clearly not,” Cassian disagreed with a snort. “He’s your son,” Cassian pointed out drily. “He’s Feyre’s son…who knows what he has inherited from her.”

Rhys stayed rooted in one spot, blinking once. 

“Rhys?” Cassian asked immediately. 

“Get Nesta,” he ordered Cassian. “We are needed at the River House.” And then after a second that felt like eternity…“It’s not…It’s not looking good.”

And with one sentence…everything crumbled. 

[eamour]

living a life in sin.

most of the times, we live a life in sin without really noticing it. we wait for our desires, we wait for something to change in the 3D, we wait for something to fulfill us. what we don’t realise is that by doing so, we neglect the feeling of our desires, the purpose of our imagination and most importantly, ourselves.

to live in sin.

to sin means to live a life of unfulfillment. to sin means to deny yourself of the experiences you would want to have. it means to lock yourself away from the feeling of satisfaction that comes along with the inner fulfillment of your desires. to sin is also an act of robbery; you rob yourself (GOD) the moment you choose to live a life that isn’t meant for you. you steal and take away feelings of happiness and contentment and therefore commit an act of sin.

living in desire.

the fact that you are desiring tells me a lot about your state. if you aim for the end but you catch yourself are desiring your manifestation, that should tell you that you are not truly living in the end. if you had your desire, you wouldn’t constantly think about when it’s going to manifest, if it’s going to appear on time or how you're going to attain it. you wouldn’t bother about the ways it'll come to you, you wouldn’t try to put in physical effort and you most definitely wouldn’t constantly check the 3D for validation. because remember, the 3D can only be what your 4D is.

stop sinning.

stop sinning. stop robbing yourself. stop rejecting your desires. stop running away from them. stop denying yourself desirable feelings. stop pushing them away from you. stop wasting your time accepting questionable convictions of yourself and give yourself permission to BE who you want to be and to HAVE what you want to have. only you can determine who you are and how much you have within.

in imagination, it's yours.

you can’t have what you still desire. it’s quite ironic that we get the things we desire by not desiring anymore and by gifting them to us instead of waiting for the world to serve us on its own. but your imagination IS your saviour. in imagination, you can BE and HAVE anything you'd like. so why not grant yourself all of your desires? who is stopping you? no one's going to take away your desires in a place that is only accessible to you and you ONLY.

desire, until you don’t.

now, to no longer desire your desire doesn’t only happen when you stop wanting it. it also naturally happens when you no longer NEED to desire it — as you're already in possession of it. once you claim to have your desire in your mind, you will eventually get to a point of not desiring it anymore. it can look like this: "i know i have my desire now. in imagination, i have accepted that it’s mine. i am it now!" this is actually a very good sign. it’s like the highest level on the manifestation pyramid (if you will). it’s called ACCEPTANCE.

give yourself your desire.

"so i no longer want to be it, i am it!" — neville goddard.

whenever you want something, whenever you crave to have something "physically", let yourself experience it in your 4D. give it to yourself in imagination. do not wait, do not tell yourself that you'll do it later, once you are home or before you fall asleep. do it THEN and THERE. do not condition your desire and do not let yourself spend any day longer living in desire. you will see how your state will change quite immediately and you will feel easy about it. you will feel fulfilled. you will HAVE it or BE it because that’s what you have just decided. you will feel your imagination to be real, realer than anything undesirable in the 3D and you will start to become comfortable in imagination. eventually, you won’t care about ANYTHING but experiencing. eventually, you won’t care about having it in the 3D.

with love, ella.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I wanted to ask if you feel lately like you've been getting anything positive out of your therapy, because a lot of your initial thoughts about it kind of mirror mine. I'm very logical (except when I'm upset at myself) and very skeptical, so I feel like a therapist either isn't going to tell me anything new, or that I'm going to just disregard it because I can't trick myself into believing things that I just plain don't believe.

But I'm also starting to come to a realization, two years after my ADHD diagnosis and letting go (without therapy!) of most of the executive dysfunction-fueled self worth issues I was having, that I'm kind of Not Okay in other ways. I'm safe —going to work every day and doing my job so I won't lose my livelihood and have never had a self harm urge in my life— But I'm not really okay. I'm having major self esteem issues related to my personality separate from the executive dysfunction that are putting me in a bad place. I don't want to take antidepressants for reasons I won't go into but that means my other option is therapy and... I don't know if I'm a person that therapy will actually work on. I found a lot of validation in some of your perspectives, about affirmations being bullshit and "mindfulness" exercises feeling impossible and useless, about not having an inner monologue and how that might be causing issues with traditional methods. So I was just wondering, do you feel like therapy is working now that you've been in it longer?

I've wasted a lot of money on "elective" (and ultimately useless, back to square one) medical nonsense this year and I'm not eager to waste more, but I've also met my insurance deductible so it's the best time to try it if I'm going to.

I mean, it depends on the modality a little but I don't think trying basic talk therapy can hurt, as long as you find a decent therapist. And it's better to try it now when you're feeling Mostly Okay than waiting until you are Really Not Okay. But this entire paragraph comes with a lot of context so....

A lot of what I talked about in terms of struggling with mindfulness, etc. was less related to the therapy I am still in than it was to the DBT class I took at Therapist's suggestion. We were both aware that she was basically throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck, and while it was an interesting class I don't think for me it was helpful. As you mention, I struggled with affirmations and visualization since neurologically I'm not really set up for those; I don't think they're objectively bullshit but I do think there's an assumption within the mental health industry that they will have function for everyone and that's simply untrue, and the expectation that it will is very damaging. I also struggled with the physical-intervention aspects (called TIPP usually) which didn't work at all for me and felt frankly like doctor-approved self harm. DBT can get very culty, which set off a ton of red flags for me -- possibly false flags, but they still waved real big.

And that's because I also have a lot of trust issues surrounding therapy. To the point where, the minute one of the people running the DBT class made actually quite gentle fun of me for asking a question he couldn't answer, I checked out on anything he said. We were learning about a DBT concept called Wise Mind and I asked, "If wise mind is an identifiable mental state, how do we know if we're in it?" and when he couldn't quite answer beyond "It's different for everyone" I said, "But if we know it's real there must be some kind of common denominator, a measurable data point," and he said "Well, Sam, you're not going to levitate" and the rest of the class laughed. Sorry bud, this is almost certainly an over-reaction, but I'm me and you lost me when you came at me instead of just admitting you didn't know. (Also it turns out I just live in Wise Mind like 80% of the time which is one reason I couldn't tell.)

But basic talk therapy outside of DBT is just...you talk at someone about your problems and come up with ways to try and solve them, which is a lot more straightforward and way less frustrating. You have to be an active participant, you have to both have a goal and be willing to discuss reaching it, but that goal can be as simple as just "figure out what my mental health goals should be" at first. You don't have to learn like, vocabulary for it.

The thing is, while I have seen some improvement in regulation issues, I also struggle with basic talk therapy. Most people, and this blew my mind, see measurable improvement in nine to eighteen therapy sessions. A lot of people don't go long-term, they just are having a moment and get help getting through the moment and then can disengage, with their therapist's approval.

I was in therapy consistently from the age of nine to eighteen and only stopped because I reached legal majority and physically refused to go.

Not one minute of those nine years did I want to be there. And, because none of the three therapists I saw across those years actually explained to me why I was there or how therapy worked, for me it felt like "Your punishment for having feelings is to speedrun every feeling you had this week in an hour, to a stranger." There was also what my current therapist believes to be some extremely unethical behavior going on, which didn't help.

So it has taken actually a lot of time to get to a place where I would even allow her to understand what help I need. I've been in therapy for about a year (generally weekly but there have been some gaps) and it has only recently gotten deeper than very basic interpersonal problem-solving.

Like, two weeks ago I told her, "I had a thought this week that I couldn't tell you about something I was doing because then you'd have material on me" (meaning blackmail material) "and that's a fucked-up thing to think." And once I'd actually identified it as fucked up I had zero issue telling her about it, wasn't even nervous as I did so. Who's she going to tell? She's literally legally constrained from telling.

I think well over half of what she does is either validate that whatever emotion I'm having is normal, affirm my reactions so I don't keep believing I behaved weirdly, or praise something I've done that was a positive act. Does this work? Not always, because I'm unfortunately very aware that it's part of her job to do those things. But yeah, sometimes. Even if you don't fully believe it, "Hey that was a really smart move" is nice to hear. Sometimes she helps me come up with a plan for stressful future events or (rarely) behavior modification, and sometimes she either provides me with research or points me towards research I can do on my own. We don't do meditation or affirmations or stuff like that.

Like, last week I brought up the fact that I hadn't really ever thought about how if I have a disability that causes emotional dysregulation and I got it from my parents, they also likely had undiagnosed emotional dysregulation when raising me. So she said I should look into research on children with emotionally dysregulated parents. I was pretty annoyed by what I found (the ONE TIME adults are the focus instead of the kids is the ONE TIME I needed to learn about the kids, really?) but it led to something that was both informative and upsetting, so we discussed that. And when I was stumped about how to move forward with the information, she suggested that my general coping mechanism of writing about it was probably a good plan.

(At which point I just silently advanced my powerpoint presentation to the next slide, where I had a series of quotes from the Shivadh novels where Michaelis, acting as a parent, repeatedly does the exact opposite of the upsetting thing, because I realized even before the meeting that it's an ongoing theme in my work whenever I deal with people being parents. It's a good thing she has a sense of humor and also that I do.)

So yeah. Going into therapy you have to be ready to reject a therapist if you don't like them or if they get weird and pushy, you have to be ready to be a self-advocate, but you are the client; it shouldn't be super difficult to find someone who can at least walk you through what you want from it and agree not to do the stuff you don't want, and if you want to stop going you just...stop going.

Good luck, in any case! I hope you get what you need, whether or not that ends up being therapy.

[love-belle]

you were my summer love !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their fall-in-love-again era is them missing each other while their friends go crazy over their relationship.

or

for when you know they'll be your love for all eternal summers. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // pierre gasly x fem!reader

prequel - i want sweet revenge and i want him again ⋆·˚ ༘

warnings - language, mention of vodka once.

author's note - i am in fact not dead :) i hope u all like this <3 i will be back with a new post 4 months later jk I LOVE U THANK U

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paddock.club pierre gasly and celine d'souza have called it quits on their relationship after almost three months of dating, sources close to the pair reported. the pair started dating back in august after gasly broke up with his "summer love", y/n y/l/n, affectionately named as augustine by gasly and his fans. although their break up was kept hush for a long time and so was their relationship, pierre wasted no time in moving on and with none other than social media influencer, celine d'souza. "there is no bad blood between them," sources claimed, "they just didn't fit well and it was no good trying to make it work." for more details about their short-lived relationship and the driver's summer romance with the singer, click on the link in our bio.

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pierregasly do something about it

15,729 comments

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-> username the way my jaw dropped

charles_leclerc i should confiscate your phone for this

-> pierregasly you were the one who held an intervention for me so that i would "get my shit together"

-> charles_leclerc you don't HAVE to get your shit together if it means that i wouldn't be seeing her everyday

-> pierregasly just say that you're scared of her and MOVE

-> username charles is so valid bc she scares ME

-> username u never know what she's gonna do next and that's the scariest part

username im BEGGING y'all pls get back together

username the sigh that left me when i heard that pierre and celine broke up like 😭

username i live in fear that y/n and pierre will get back together and we won't be getting any more angry petty bitchy songs

username motherfucker MAKE A MOVE

username i know the grid is conspiring to get them together like they're MY menacea

-> username yeah and their most effective method (according to them) is locking them in a room

-> username do u think they know that one of them will not be making it out of the room and it'll probably be pierre 🧍

username i am a child of divorce this is christmas of '07 all over again 😔

landonorris i did NOT see you post this and then throw your phone up at the sky and screech as if someone just turned your ribs inside down to make you feel like a fairy

-> pierregasly stay away from me

-> oscarpiastri oh my god that was you??? i thought one of the cars ran over a cat on the track 😭

-> pierregasly okay mctwinks let's get you back in your playpens

-> landonorris unprovoked ☹️

-> oscarpiastri i would say watch your back but you're in the BACK so ☺️

-> pierregasly I WILL RUN YOU OFF

-> pierregasly i'm sorry my team told me i can't say that

username my head is wrapping itself around all this information like a shawl im going INSANE

username i know pierre is on all fours trying to get y/n to take him back

-> username as he should be idgaf

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by pierregasly, landonorris, lilymhe and 2,628,826 others

yourusername yeah i really missed the way he kisses and the way he grabbed my ass so i did something about it

tagged pierregasly

18,628 comments

username IDK WHETHER TO BE MAD OR HAPPY BUT HELLO???

username im gonna scream bc wtf

username NO WARNING WHAT THE FUCK

username sigh ARE U SURE

username are we SURE it's gonna STICK this time

-> yourusername im 182729291% sure charles is gonna murder him if he acts a bit silly again so i'd say it's looking pretty good!!!!

-> charles_leclerc alex hates it when y/n is sad and they both make it MY problem so i'm sorry if i wanna make pasta in a peaceful and tranquil environment instead of bitching about my best mate

-> alexandrasaintmleux you were the one who came up with the most creative insults every time don't LIE like a LIAR

-> pierregasly charles???

-> charles_leclerc they're LYING they LIE they're LIARS

username why am i js figuring it out that y/n is AUGUSTINE like from august by taylor swift

-> username BABE 😭😭😭😭 HOW DID U NOT KNOW

username something about pierre going from her summer love to love love (we don't talk abt what happened in the middle ☺️)

username someone sedate me they're BACK

username i just KNOW charles is pulling at his hair rn bc i know my man has so much dirt on pierre but they reconciled a bit too quickly

-> charles_leclerc I DIDN'T GET TO TELL HER ABOUT THE DUCK INCIDENT

-> pierregasly ONE WORD AND I WILL ERASE YOU FROM THIS EARTH

-> yourusername charles ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ don't be shy ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ i always liked u the most out of ALL his friends ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ please elaborate ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

-> yukitsunoda0511 death would've been kinder than this ☹️

-> yourusername STOPPP U KNOW UR MY FAVOURITE I HATE THAT CHARLES MF HE TRIPS ME EVERY TIME I SEE HIM

-> charles_leclerc for the last time, i REALLY did not see the puddle exactly in front of you and i'm really really really really really sorry that you fell in that puddle. and ruined your dress. and made me pay for it. and then pushed me into a fountain.

-> alexandrasaintmleux say away from my gf charles_leclerc 😡😡😡😡😡😡

-> username i have a migraine

username the lore slowly coming to the surface

-> username NAH BC UR TELLING ME THAT YUKI AND Y/N ARE BESTIES???? ALEX AND Y/N ARE LIKE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️???? CHARLES AND Y/N HAVE BEEF???? HE PUSHED HER INTO A PUDDLE AND SHE PUSHED HIM INTO A FOUNTAIN????

-> username they kept us in the dark for so long we could've had it all 💔💔💔

username time to go on a vacation and make it a mission to hate the dude i meet and then fall in love with him

-> username HATE????

-> username pierre and y/n HATED each other when they first met but then long story short y/n saved him from a jellyfish and then it was lovers part of enemies to lovers ❤️

-> username oh the lore is WILD

username don't be a coward and record get him back with these lyrics 😡😡😡😡😡

-> yourusername i would but pierre would cry if i sang that song again now that he's back in my good books 😔💔

-> landonorris this is why you need to break up again x

-> pierregasly don't make me break check you next weekend

username is it a good time to mention that i saw u at lax and u looked WRECKED so im really glad ur both back together so that he can grab ur ass again

-> yourusername 😭😭😭😭 thank u my love

-> username tears

pierregasly thank you for doing something about it because i could NEVER

-> yourusername someone has to go to the counter and say "he asked for no pickles" in this relationship babe ❤️

-> charles_leclerc i have seen you both TREMBLING at the prospect of human interaction

-> yourusername why are u friends with him pierregasly

-> charles_leclerc not just him now 🥰

-> yourusername i am ready to break up with pierre if it means that i can get rid of this annoying parasite

-> charles_leclerc i go, alex goes

-> alexandrasaintmleux no you go away, i go to yourusername

-> yourusername DEVOURED AND BY HIS OWN GF

pierregasly all jokes (charles included) aside, i love you ❤️ thank you for hearing me out instead of pushing me down the stairs of instant death like charles told me you'd do

-> yourusername i love you 🫶🏼 i could never push u down the stairs, stair (singular) maybe but no ☺️

-> username why r u like this 🧍

username everyone cheer her crisis is GONE

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 2,578,826 others

pierregasly you were my summer love and now you'll be my forever love

tagged yourusername

17,629 comments

username STOP TEARS ARE LEAKING

username can't believe this is the guy u told y/n she was trippin (she was btw ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️)

-> username character development and threats from f1 drivers does wonders to ur personality

username can't believe we're not gonna get anymore petty and bitchy songs anymore 💔💔💔

-> username maybe the petty and bitchy songs were all the comments from this group we collected along the way

username y'all cannot convince me that charles didn't at least TRY to tell y/n to let pierre GO simply bc he's a little shit

-> yourusername can confirm, the reason it didn't work was because then i'd have to AGREE with 🤮 charles 🤮

-> charles_leclerc you act as if i'm not actively gagging while talking to you

-> pierregasly so good to know that the reason i have a LOVING girlfriend is that she just hates my best friend

username pierre will forever be catching strays as long as y/n and charles remain friends 💔

username everyday i wake up and thank the lord that i exist in a world where pierre and y/n are together and that a dying jellyfish was the cause of it all ❤️❤️❤️

username real talk!!!!! how did mama gasly react when y/n told her that her son sucks

-> yourusername i didn't have to, she called me and told me that herself

-> username iconic

-> pierregasly i'm leaving the country and shaving my hair

username "forever love" i will be on the highway don't test me

username god i have seen and noted what u did for the others

username i love it when men are unapologetically in love with their gfs

lewishamilton happy for you both. please tell y/n to return my dog.

-> pierregasly she's currently cuddling roscoe and asking me to tell you to fuck right off

-> lewishamilton godmother privileges PROVOKED

username i will never be able to wrap my head around the fact that lewis hamilton and y/n y/l/n are FRIENDS like how'd THAT happen

-> username do u think they exchange fashion tips and pointers

-> username they deffo talk shit abt charles' fashion choices

-> username they should add him in the gc and TALK to him bc those choices are HORRENDOUS

username y/n 🎤🎤🎤 did u really key his car 🎤🎤🎤

-> yourusername my lawyer advises me to deny this false allegation

-> pierregasly she did something worse.

-> yourusername OKAAYYYYYYY U R NOT ALLOWED TO TALK HERE

-> pierregasly she put glitter ALL over the interiors

-> username WOAHAHSHSKSKSKD

-> username u deserved it 🗣️‼️

username i need a step by step walkthrough of exactly HOW these two got together and i need it NOW

username so when y/n hates publicly on a dude, she manages to make him her bf but when i do it, i make him my mortal enemy??? make it make sense 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

username it is so sexy of me to continue life even when life (instagram) throws obstacles (y/n and pierre being cute and shit) at me

username i will lay in my grave and dream of a love like theirs

-> username aahh haha didn't mean to get so philosophical mb

-> yourusername that was crazy babe

-> username it's true 😔💔

username me patiently waiting for a summer love that will have me ripping my hair off my scalp 🧍

username YOU WERE MYYYYY SUMMER LOOOVEEEEEEE

-> username one direction 🔛🔝

yourusername 4ever is not so bad after all ❤️

-> pierregasly with you it won't ever be enough ❤️

-> yourusername stop making me cry i have a reputation on here 🙁🙁🙁

-> username she says as if her personality isn't js crying over things all day long and being a Hater

-> yourusername OH FUCK OFF

yourusername i love you 🪤

-> pierregasly je t'aime mon cœur but the emoji? (i love you my heart)

-> yourusername it was the closest thing i could find to a tripod

-> landonorris 🔭 this is right here and also GROSS

-> username why are u all like this

yourusername off topic but i accidentally set off the fire alarm and now im locked in the bathroom bc the lock broke and im kinda Panicking

-> pierregasly why are you a fire hazard

-> yourusername THAT'S WHAT UR CONCERNED ABOUT

username i love it when bitches are chaotic like yessss!!!!!!! go and show us that unhinged energy!!!!!!!

[godbirdart]

Hey there. Ive been admiring your work a long time and I was hoping I could get some advice from a more experienced artist.

How do you go about deciding which commission submissions will proceed forward? If you decide to decline a request how do you go about it? I recently started accepting commissions and get nervous when certain requests are too vague, too difficult or the requester isn't fully answering my questions and I dont know how to go about justifying a decline. Is it okay to decline a commission submission?

aAA thank you for enjoying my work!!

i could talk for Days about commissions and how I handle my own work, but I'm going to try to keep this short and simple for ease of reading:

i use a Google Form in combination with a number generator for my commission openings

reasons why i use a Google Form and number generator: - to avoid favoritism / client bias - to push my comfort zone with a variety of projects - to ensure i'm not taking on more work that i can handle

The Google form will automatically assign a number to each form, making it easy for me to pull up a website and ask it to generate a number between [insert number] and [insert number]. That said, I will still manually go through each form. Occasionally I'll pick up a project if I notice someone's reapplied a couple times who wasn't selected during previous openings, or if a project especially appeals to me, or isn't something i'd usually draw!

declining a commission / project:

yes, it is always okay to decline a project! you are not obligated to accept every submission that comes into your inbox / form / etc. there are many valid reasons to decline a project, from a conflict with your Terms of Service, to making sure you don't take on more work than you can reasonably handle.

if the project doesn't inspire you or spark that creative passion, it may result in frustration, exhaustion, and you might wind up handing the client a subpar art piece that you're not at all proud of. it's much more honorable to be upfront about it than to subject yourself to such grief as you waste your time and energy and your client's time and money.

ways to decline: it's always important to be polite. depending on your reasoning, you could say "Thank you for considering me for this project, but, ...." - "... This is not a project I'd be comfortable taking on." "... This project conflicts with my Terms of Service and I cannot accept it." "... I cannot accept it at this time." "... but I would not be able to fulfill your request to the detail / complexity you are expecting for this piece."

there's no shame in saying "i would not be a good fit for this project". i've had clients ask me for hyper-realistic work, which is quite far from my art style. while i could do it, i'd rather not put both myself and the client through months of frustration and waiting for a project i am not completely confident in executing.

if a client is being too vague, not answering questions:

it happens! not every client will communicate thoroughly. some clients will over-communicate, and for others there may be a language barrier so their difficultness may be entirely unintended.

you can't do the job if you don't know what you're supposed to be doing. never be afraid to ask your client for clarification on their request. phases you can use would be: - "I do not have enough information to begin work on this, could you clarify these details: [insert questions about details you need elaboration about]" - "I cannot proceed without knowing more about [insert thing], can you tell me more about [thing you need clarification on]". if your client being deliberately obtuse and refusing to supply the necessary information, you can be more firm with them such as: - "I will not proceed any further with this project if I do not receive [insert details]."

on clients being too difficult:

"difficult" is a bit subjective here. what may be considered difficult for one artist may be a walk in the park for another. this said, i'm going to use some very generic common examples here.

too many irrelevant notes, or randomly forwarding details / requests instead of condensing their ideas into one message:

"Thank you for these additional notes, however: ..." - "... please only supply notes that are directly related to the project at hand." [such as notes on the expression, environment, pose, etc - things that you need to know for the artwork you are working on] - "... please condense them into one message instead of sending multiple messages. I want to stay organized / do not want to lose track of your notes."

frequent requests for updates, or changes to the WIP / final art:

note: you should always be communicative and receptive to a client's request for updates, but here i am referring specifically to excessive requests such as numerous requests sent multiple times a day. additionally, what is considered "excessive" will vary depending on an artist's average turnaround time. "Thank you for reaching out, ..." - "... but I do not yet have an update for you at this time. I will reach out when I have an update ready for you, thank you for your patience." - "... but these requests are too frequent. Please allow more time to pass between requests for updates." You could also ask your client if they have concerns about the turnaround time, if they need the work by a specific date for a birthday / event, etc. It is important to consider that some clients may have been scammed by an artist in the past and their insistence on updates could be a result from that. if a client keeps requesting edits on the concept / sketch or final piece, you're within your right to say enough is enough. this will also vary depending on the artist's individual work process. if the changes are getting excessive, you could say: - "As we've undergone numerous edits to this, I will permit one final request for editing after which I will -" [move on to the next stage, cease work on this project, issue a partial refund, start asking fees for edits, etc; insert next step of your preference]

ignoring work hours / terms of service / communication channels

as an artist, you should set a firm boundary of what is a working day and what is not. you are not in a profession that is "on-call" 24/7. you can save some headache by having your schedule posted on your website / social media or wherever your queue is publicly posted. anywhere that is readily accessible for a client to easy find. - something you could say is: "My work days are [insert days], I answer work-related messages, work on art, and send out updates [if applicable] on those days. Thank you for your patience." if you prefer to have your work messages confined to one social media account or email, it's okay to enforce that! but be sure to have it posted in easily noticeable spots like pinned posts. - something to say here would be: "If you need to reach me, please do so via [insert platform / email etc]. I will not respond to [comments / DMs on other social media, etc]." terms of service, same as above, should be in an easy-to-find location and should be easy to read. if a client's prompt or action conflicts with your ToS, you could address it with: "As mentioned in my Terms of Service, [address thing that conflicts with your T&C."

language barriers

sometimes you may have a client with a language barrier. we live in a vast world, after all! be patient with them, and depending on their fluency, do your best to simplify your questions for them. if you know your client is using an online translator, try and avoid using jargon. we've come a long way with online translators, but they're not going to spit out the right translation if you ask "are they supposed to be super shredded and beefy" and the translator tells your client "should they be shredded meat".

dropping a client

this is an absolute most extreme last resort, but i bring this up since we're on the topic of difficult clients and this particular stage isn't spoken about often. no artist wants to up and drop a client, but sometimes it's better for all parties involved instead of dragging out a bad experience. dropping a client could result from a variety of factors, including: the artist is retiring from art, something has come up in the artist's life and they are unable to continue, a client has become abusive, or an agreement cannot be made on a project or the project has caused a conflict of interest between the artist and the client. if you must drop a client, you could say: - "I apologize, but for [insert reason] I cannot continue with this project. I will be [refunding / partially refunding] this project." If it's for medical reasons, you can say "due to a medical complication, I am unable to continue" - and leave it at that. Your client does not need elaboration on your private medical information. The same goes for private family matter or other personal issue. artists shouldn't let guilt eat at them if they are physically incapable of completing a project due to personal reasons. things happen, life happens. the vast majority of your clients will be understanding and appreciate that you reached out to them to address the situation instead of leaving them in limbo. If you have to drop a client because they're being genuinely abusive and hostile and not respecting you, your time, or your work, you can say the same thing as above. There's zero need to retaliate or be hostile back. The situation will likely make you feel awful, sure, but firmly staying professional is the best thing you can do. When issuing a refund, always specify when the client should expect their refund to arrive. "A refund has been issued and will be processed through [insert payment method] shortly." or "A refund will be issued on [insert date]."

This wound up long anyway despite my effort to shorten it, but ah well.

If you'd like more elaboration on something, don't hesitate to ask! Some sections did get pruned down in my futile effort to keep it short, so things might've ended up a bit vague or convoluted [my apologies].

[hana-no-seiiki]

I’ve been stuck on this idea. Jinx reader with the batfam…I know you had it in your master list and I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Maybe when the reader was little, they doodled and made little trinkets like powder. So I’m thinking that the reader doodled on batmans tools. Kinda like how powder/jinx made their weapons with faces on them.

So maybe Batman and the rest of the boys were gone and reader snuck into the bar cave and started doodling on their masks and weapons.

And just another thought 😅

When reader is older, they become a vigilante, causing chaos for the fun of it but also doing it for good. They also move out when they were a kid, because maybe Batman called then a jinx (I’m really going for the arcane storyline 😭😭😭)

Maybe the batfam tries to bring her back, but she just kinda runs away laughing while throwing glitter bombs 😭😭😭

Just something I thought of

I don’t usually write reader as childhood friends with the guys here unless it’s cat villain (which is more like childhood rivals) so this is quite the change.

In my og storyline which i have semi spoiled and will spoil some more here : Jason and Jinx! Reader were part of a found family and Jason having a massive crush on reader gave them tools to make explosives they really shouldnt have. Which is kind of poetic knowing how he ‘dies’.

I’m not sure if this ask is platonic or romantic so I’ll just go with my preference, the latter.

this is just a little snippet since i started working on jinx reader again huhu wanna save the juicy stuff for that one

Jinx! Reader was known as the runt of the litter among Bruce’s adopted children. Physically weak, above average in smarts but nothing compared to the rest. The only thing they had going for them was their skill with firearms which Bruce heavily discouraged and admonished the practice of.

Jason and you bonded with rebelling against him. He’d often bring you out to abandoned arcades that you two would repair from scraps you found in the Batcave. Dude was down atrocious. He kept bringing you to missions purely because he couldn’t resist your face. Sure he was snarky at times, but your common upbringing made him more soft around you. (Sometimes he purposely puts you in situations where you’d get caught just so he can ‘save’ you. The way you hold unto him for dear life is…simply exhilarating)

But try as he might, he could never fill the hole you had in your heart. Your desire for a complete family. For validation. For Bruce to finally acknowledge your worth. For Damian to stop calling you a fucking waste of space.

You ended up screwing a mission so badly that you indirectly killed dozens of Gotham citizens.

Usually you would just compromise their positions during patrols but this was… this was something irreversible. Something that affected friends, families, actual living breathing people.

Bruce had a tight cap on his emotions, but he just couldn’t stop himself from taking out his anger, grief and frustration out on you.

Dick and Jason managed to pull him back before he could hurt you beyond a punch to the face, but the psychological damage had already been cemented.

You run away, running into Harley Quinn.

But instead of following the path my og jinx reader did, Joker wasn’t there to fuck with your head even further. So you sought to repay for your sins.

Still, the screams. The way Bruce called you useless, a jinx. The memories of being neglected and inferior.

Sometimes chaos was the only way to make it shut up.

[2soulscollide]

tips to level up your writing skills

1. read, read, read

okay, I know, everyone keeps saying it... but it's true, and I truly believe the more you read, the better you write, because you come across different writing styles, different voices, new characters, and worlds. This applies to every writer, from amateur to professional.

2. practice makes perfect

another cliché, right.

but hear me out: I feel so much more confident about my writing skills when I write daily, rather than when I write a bit occasionally. you get lots of work done, see your book coming to life, and get better at it.

3. create an outline before you start writing

guysss, I know many people like to go with the flow, but I would recommend planning your novel before writing it, especially if it is one of your first projects.

when I started, I refused to plot my novel because I thought it was a waste of time, and I couldn't plan it all ahead. turns out that I could never finish my novels, because I started to get lost in the plot. as most of you may know, I LOVEEE to plot now!

4. use active voice instead of passive voice

passive voice is alright sometimes. I like to use it, too. but to create an immersive experience for the reader, you should go for the active voice since it creates more impact.

see something like this:

"the letter was written by Marcus who had tears in his eyes." VS "Marcus wrote the letter with tears in his eyes."

such a basic example (don't judge me!!)... but can you notice the difference? it seems so much more expressive.

5. avoid using overly complex language

repeat it after me: short. sentences. are. valid.

don't overcomplicate it! I know it's tempting to write huge sentences sometimes and make your book seem more complex and professional, but sometimes it just doesn't come out as expected, and we end up exhausting our readers.

6. don't just for yourself

this can be a polemic topic. it's quite common to see people saying you should write for yourself, but let's be honest here: if you're trying to get your book published, you should have your target public in mind while developing your book. knowing your audience to know what works and what doesn't work is extremely important. but hey, you must also enjoy what you're writing!

7. use dialogue!!!

I find dialogue so important, and I love it so much! ensure you develop a distinctive voice for your characters to make them seem real to the reader. also, if possible, read the dialogue out loud and imagine if it would work out in real life.

8. don't be afraid to use metaphors

metaphors will turn a "basic" work into something more sophisticated when applied in the right places. you might want to avoid overusing it because it can ruin the experience, but it's something up to you, and what feels better to you.

9. research your topic before writing

okay, this is pretty self-explanatory. if you're writing about a topic or a location you don't know much about, avoid making assumptions or clichés. instead, do some research, take notes, or even ask chatgpt questions to help you.

10. don't be afraid to experiment and try new things

I was a fanfiction writer for a long time and was so scared to try original fiction because it seemed so much different from what I was accustomed to doing. however, once I decided to try something new, I discovered I liked to do it more than fanfiction. you'll never know until you try it!

11. never give up on your writing, keep practicing and learning to improve your skills

it takes time to acquire new skills, so if you're new to writing, please don't give up! It's fun and a long path, and I promise you'll love it, even more, the more you write!

I hope this was helpful! <3 have a nice day

also, i just released a new freebie!!! it's a free workbook for writers with over 90 pages to guide you through the process of plotting a novel. you might be interested in checking it out!! :D click here

[abbyromanoff]

I had a bit of a cnc stoner Wanda thought where she coaxes you into trying her special treat & holds a blunt to your lips, all before proceeding to get high as well & lazily play with your clit <3

Try It

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: 4314

Warnings: smut, jealously, possessiveness, edging, kinda public sex, college AU, strap on use, edging, crying, weed usage, small cnc, mommy kink, multiple orgasms, thigh riding, begging, sub!r, Dom!wanda, emo Wanda, mentions of pervert Wanda, mentions of porn, small angst, homophobia, praise kink

No one is permitted to steal, copy, or reblog my work as their own!!

Wanda walked into her class, luckily she only had two today. She took the seat next to you, making you turn to look at her. Her hand made its way to your thigh, she admired the way you worriedly looked to see if anyone would notice. You were always like that. It’s not like you were ashamed of her, no, you loved to be seen around with your girlfriend. But sometimes, the bold moves she’d make were too much for the public eye. The occasional grab of the ass, her hand placing itself on your thigh like she was doing now, you didn’t want people seeing. Especially not your parents.

You two met when you were children. Seeming as your parents were best friends, it was hard not to be around each other at all times. You and her brother always were closer, your parents always said you two would get married one day. He was also the first person you came out to, and the first you informed of your crush on his sister. He wasn’t the happiest, but he got over it. You can still hear all the ‘Wanda and Y/N sitting in a tree’ jokes, or how he’d wrap his arms around him and pretend he was making out with himself to mock you two.

Your mother and father never knew of your sexuality, especially not since your dad was the priest. He was loved by everyone, except you. Wanda would always be the one to comfort you when you were confused, she knew what it was like to deal with unsupporting parents. Unlike you, she found a way to get away from it all, weed.

While you did student councils and spelling bees, she’d escape the world by smoking. Her grades would slip as yours exceeded, you needed the academic validation. Wanda didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to live her teenage years by having fun.

Whenever you had study dates, she’d end up convincing you to stop and watch a movie with her. She’d usually offer you a joint, only for you to quickly dismiss it. You would never be allowed back into your home if they ever found out you smoked, they’d quite literally kill you.

You and Wanda first started dating back in your senior year of high school. After years of pining over one another, she nervously asked you to prom where you both shared your first kiss in the girls' bathroom. Your parents obviously would never let you go to the dance with a woman, so Pietro offered to pretend as though he’d take you if you got him a date with a girl in your honors society club.

And ever since then, you and Wanda have been inseparable. You both got accepted into the same college luckily, the one you’ve been dreaming of going to since you were a little kid. Wanda always was one to go out to parties and skip class, but you were the same as your high school years, getting all A’s on every assignment you did. Your professors all loved you, not so much your girlfriend though. But you didn’t care. If Wanda were to ask you to skip class with her, more often than not you’d say yes. If she dragged you to a party, you’d end up making out in her truck by the end of it. One time, she took you to a frat house and had you wasted by the end. You woke up with a tattoo of the letter W in between your middle finger. She already had your name tattooed on her wrist, you scolded her the day you first saw it.

Everyone started rolling into class, some late, some just barely making it. Wanda never moved her hand, and the small smirk covering her face never left. Your best friend and head of the debate team sat on the other side of you, Kate Bishop. Wanda never seemed to like her, she always said she was too much of a priss or that she wanted to get in your pants. She said that about everyone, actually. Kate gave you a look with a small smile, Wanda flipped her off behind your back. She rolled her eyes, pulling out her notebook before starting small talk between you too. Your girlfriend rested her head on your shoulder, trying to distract you from your conversation with small pecks to your neck.

“Wanda! We’re in the middle of a lecture!” You scolded in a small whisper, turning back to your friend and giving an apologetic smile. Wanda sighed, frustrated by your actions. You were such a goodie two shoes. Sometimes your friends wondered how you two ended up together, and if you were being honest, you didn’t know either. I guess two opposites attract.

“But I don’t care about this dumbass class. C’mon, what do you say me and you head out of here? Come back to my place?” You threw your head back slightly, annoyed by the same words she said every day. “Oh c’mon, please? We can have some fun?” You chose to ignore her instead, trying your best to listen in on the professor’s words. She didn’t stop though, if anything, she teased you more. Her hand had traveled further up your leg, playing with the hem of your panties under your skirt. You tried to discreetly push her off, struggling to write your notes down. Your face was cherry red, and Wanda was grinning.

“Now do you want to leave?” She asked hopefully, just wanting to get out of this boring class already.

“Nope.” Your thigh jumped up and down as you picked at your lips, looking around nervously to see if anyone could see her fingers moving your panties to the side. You closed your legs to the best of your ability, only to no avail. She pushed them back open, giving a harsh grab as a warning.

“At least let me have some fun, baby.” You looked at her like was crazy. You let out a small moan under your breath as the pads of her fingers rubbed your clit ever so gently. You hid any noise with a small cough or fake sneeze, Wanda would always say bless you as if she didn’t know what was going on. She acted innocent. And you hated it.

“Wanda, we can’t do this here.” She leaned into your ear, making sure the professor was facing the board so he couldn’t see you two.

“Then let's leave, princess. We can head back to my place where I’ll properly fuck you.” She grabbed your hand, placing it on her crotch as you felt a small bulge. She was packing. You retreaded your hand quickly, your cheeks a cherry red. She chuckled dryly, you hoped she would remove her digits but she didn’t, she just left them there. She didn’t move them, they just sat there as if wanting you to do the work instead. You couldn’t stop the small buck of your hips, chasing after her like she was holding your favorite candy. You wished you could wipe that smug look off her face.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, meet me in a few minutes.” And you did. The professor looked at you puzzled when you both left, Wanda covering by saying you had ‘girl problems’ making both you and the man blush. She dragged you into the nearest stall, pushing you against the door and kissing you fiercely, she wished that Kate could walk in and see how wet you were for her. Her fingers trailed beneath your skirt, the way she did just moments ago. Her fingertips grazed your clit through your panties, barely touching you just to see how you react.

“Mommy, please.” You whined and begged, hoping she’d have some sort of mercy on you. She didn’t. She wanted to make you as desperate as she was, she wanted to watch you wither.

“You’re fucking soaked, baby. Is this all for mommy? Has she gotten you all worked up?” You nodded and looked down shamefully, the embarrassment overtaking you. She gripped your chin, making you look at her with pleading eyes.

“Y-yes, it’s all for you, mommy.” She hummed and dropped to her knees, you gave her a look of shock before she gave a small lick to your center.

“Did mommy get you all horny and desperate?” When not receiving a response, she looked back up at you. Your hands folded behind your back and your legs parted just enough for her to get between them, you were such a shy girl. She suddenly stood up, making you look at her with confusion before she walked past you and to the door of the bathroom. She looked back at your shaken-up state,

“You coming?” Yeah, you would be. You both walked back into class, Wanda following shortly behind you. Some gave you disapproving glances, others trying not to look at you and have to deal with Wanda’s wrath.

When the painfully slow class finally ended, Wanda threw her bag onto the floor of her and Pietro’s apartment. She didn’t exactly want to live with her brother during college, the two of them would often bring girls back home making it awkward. But she couldn’t do much about it, she could barely even afford to live here.

She was having a stressful day, And all she wanted to do at that moment was call you up or get high, her two favorite things. She knew you’d probably be studying or doing homework, but she also knew you were thinking about her. About the wetness coating your inner thighs. She could see it right now, you rubbing your thighs together, finding any way to get yourself off. Shyly playing with your clit, teasing your hole with a finger. You probably wouldn’t even be able to fit a digit inside of your tight hole, she can barely even fit her strap inside of you.

Luckily, Pietro wasn’t going to be home for the next week as he was visiting their mom and dad. So, she grabbed the small jar of weed in her nightstand drawer, taking the paper and rolling up the small joint. Her favorite thing to do was have you roll it, watching the way you tried your best only for it to be close to falling apart. She’d chuckle, and you’d pout back at her. But you never smoked with her, you refused.

She lit the joint and took a long drag, puffing out smoke into the humid living room. The couch wasn’t the most comfortable, but it was better than nothing. The playboys that were left out a few days ago plagued her mind. She stood up, balancing herself before grabbing one and going back to the living room. She undressed her bottom half, too lazy to take off her shirt as she got right into it. Her fingers teased her clit as she flipped through the pages, the naked woman only making her think about you more.

“Mm, fuck Y/N. Such a good little girl for me.” She moaned out into the empty room, not caring if she was just talking to herself. The weed was getting to her, goosebumps spreading across her body.

Before she could go any further, her phone rang, the bright light illuminating the dark room. She sighed and looked at the contact, her mood immediately lifting when seeing the caller. She answered on the fourth ring, her raspy voice making you shiver.

“Yes, baby?” She could hear your moan from the other side of the call, smirking to herself when realizing what you were doing.

“Baby, are you touching yourself?” You only nodded before remembering she couldn’t see you. Your clit throbbed as you rode the small teddy bear she got you for your anniversary, picturing it was her strap you were riding instead. Your hips only gained speed hearing her on the other end, the fear she wouldn’t like this going away when you heard her groaning. She hit the facetime button, wanting to see your weeping cunt on the fluffy fur of the stuffed animal.

“C’mon princess, let mommy see you.” Your camera was placed at the end of your bed, giving a full view of your bottom. She could see your head looking back at one place continuously, probably making sure your dorm mate wouldn’t walk in anytime soon.

“Oh sweetheart, are you scared someone will see you? What do you think would happen if they walked in right now? You think they’d stay and watch you whoring yourself out on the phone?”

“Mommy, need you.” She ticked, taking another puff of her joint before speaking up once more.

“You never answered my question, sweetheart. Tell me, what would you do if someone walked in right now to see you like this, so sweet and innocent riding the teddy bear I got you? Would you stop? Or would you keep going for me, for mommy?” You wished you could say no, that you’d never let anyone see you all needy and vulnerable. But that would be a lie. The thought alone brought more discomfort to your body, the good kind of discomfort.

“Mommy, I-I think I need to cum.” You whined out, chasing the high you prayed she would finally give you.

“Oh, honey, you wanna cum?” You nodded fastly, the stuffed animal being coated with your slick. She hummed, acting as if she was deciding.

“Hmm, no.” She hung up before you could complain, knowing you wouldn’t bring yourself to finish if she denied you. Her whole plan was just to get you to come over, then she could see you once more. She’d be the one to make you cum, not your teddy bear.

Ten minutes later, she heard a small but rushed knock at her flat. She smirked, knowing who it was, and stood up, opening the almost completely broken door. There you stood, clutching close to your skirt as you tried getting past her and going inside.

“You missed me that much.” You tackled her with a kiss, desperate to have her on you somehow.

“Please, mommy, I’m so wet and sticky down there.” She smiled sweetly at you before walking you backwards, sitting you down on the couch, and towering over you.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve taken care of you.” Tears flooded your eyes as she gave you a seemingly innocent pout.

“Y-you hung up on me! I was so close and you just hung up!” She sat down, grasping your hips and tossing one of your legs over her own. Her fingers trailed under your skirt, her other hand forcing you to stay open for her. She felt a damp wet spot marking your panties, gasping as she realized you weren’t lying, you were actually that horny.

“Oh my, you’re dripping all over me! You’re gonna ruin my couch, baby.” She saw the way you eyed her small jar of weed, looking back at her with pleading eyes.

“You want to try some?” She was beyond excited when you gave a shy nod, making you your own to try.

“Alright, just take it between your lips and- yeah, that’s it. Just breathe in, and blow it out.” You coughed harshly, feeling embarrassed when hearing Wanda laughing at you. Her hands wandered around your body, grabbing your ass hidden beneath your schoolgirl skirt in her hands. She moaned under her breath and stuck her head in your neck, smelling the cologne of hers that you took.

“This precious little ass, so perfect.” She groped you without any shame, not caring for the whimpers that would leave your mouth.

“Mommy, tastes funny.” She nodded, patting your back to help you get it all out. She bounced you up and down like she was burping a baby, you were her baby. Her innocent little doll. And she fucking loved it.

No matter how hard she tried to resist it, she needed to fuck your sweet cunt. She needed to mark it as hers, have you know that you belong to her and only her.

“Doll?” She whispered, receiving a small hum in return, “Mommy really needs you right now, can you be good and let mommy play?” You felt so used, like she had ruined you for anyone else. You could see the imprint in her pants, the same one from earlier. Her bottoms were already unbuttoned, her boxers being the only thing left to stop you from riding her strap. You could tell what she wanted, she wanted to hear you beg. Plead her for her cock. And you wanted to give in, but you so badly wanted to show her that you didn’t need her. To make her realize that you didn’t survive off of her fucking you, and that it was just a pleasure.

So, you shook your head, seeing the small smirk on her face falter in the slightest. “What do you mean no? I thought you were just begging to be fucked by me.” She knew how to get under your skin, and you hated it.

“I mean, no. I don’t need you touching me every second, you don’t always have to be so goddamn horny, Wanda.” You faked a huff and crossed your arms over your chest. The woman held back her laugh, finding your clear lie funnier than she should.

“Oh, sweetheart, you know that’s not my name. I thought you were smart enough to know this by now, because you need me. You need me to fuck this pussy every second. You need to be dripping with my cum every second. And you need mommy to touch you every fucking second.” Her lip went between her teeth, the muscles in her face clenching as you stared into her reddened and droopy eyes. She was high out of her mind, and you hated to say you loved it.

“Tell me the truth. You want mommy to fuck you, we both know you do.” You tried getting off her lap to no avail. She had a strong hold over you, and not just physically. When you didn’t answer, she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and leaned back into your neck. She grazed her tongue against the skin, watching as goosebumps erupted over your entire body. Her arms stroked your inner thighs reaching close to your covered cunt.

“Tell me, my love. Tell mommy how much you need me.” You couldn’t care to deny it anymore. As much as you wanted to put up a fight, you knew you needed her on you, inside of you.

“I want it so bad, mommy, I really do!” She hummed into you, her teeth biting the shell of your ear.

“Yeah? But I thought you were just telling me you don’t?”

“I’m sorry, mommy, I really am! I-I need it, I do!” Her thigh was covered in your slick as you slid back and forth, the soft skin beneath you quickly becoming an addiction. Your hand placed itself on her bulge, feeling the toy straining and begging to be inside of you. The blunt returned to its spot between her fingertips, taking a long drag before puffing it out in your face. It smelt horrible yet amazing at the same time. Knowing that the smoke came from her made it all the more attractive.

“You want mommy’s dick? You want to be stretched out, baby?” Your nod wasn’t good enough for her, she wanted you to beg. She wanted you to beg her just to even touch you.

“Words, my love, words.” You had trouble forming a sentence. The overwhelming feeling of her soft and plushy thigh beneath you was too much. Your orgasm hit like waves. It was strong, powerful even. You were shocked she didn’t ruin it, she just watched with heavy and hungry eyes.

“Fuck, you have no idea what you do to me. You get me so hard.” She let out a loud moan once she finished speaking. You both knew she couldn’t actually get hard, but she loved pretending she had a real dick. She loved acting as though she could feel you clenching around her because fuck, she wishes she could. She wanted to feel you as you came around her cock.

“My god, you’re so fucking hot, my love.”

“Thank you, mommy.” She laughed in your face, something you didn’t expect. You thought you were done, that she’d let you calm down and sleep. But she couldn’t get enough of you, she needed you so badly.

“You’re welcome, princess, But, I think you owe me another one, don’t you?” You only nodded along, losing grip on reality as you plummeted to the pleasure. You moved your hips upwards and rested yourself above the tip of her length. If you had to guess it was probably close to seven inches, it had to be the largest piece you’ve taken so far. The second the head of her cock entered you, you already felt full.

“Mommy, too big!” Your whines amused the woman who did not care to remove her hands from your hips. She was guiding you to go lower, to be filled to the brim just how she liked.

“Oh, darling, you can take it. You’re my big girl! You take whatever mommy gives you, right?” She was manipulating you, and you thrived off of it. You loved the satisfaction of her forcing you to do what she wanted.

“Yes! Yes, I take what mommy gives me!” She hummed in response, eyes focused on your weeping cunt. You were dripping and she just wanted a taste. As much as she loved weed, you’d always be her favorite taste. You were her favorite little girl.

“Oh, baby! You take my dick so well! And I’m not even helping, such a smart girl you are.” You soaked in her praises, eyes closed and mind fuzzy. You couldn’t think, she was the only thing clouding your mind.

“Thank you, mommy. Thank you for fucking me.” She kissed the side of your face before leaning down and capturing your hard nipples in her mouth. Her tongue played with the bud, a small trail of saliva being left behind as she moved on to the other.

Your hips started grinding desperately, already nearing the edge once more. You knew she’d make you hold it, not letting you cum till you begged her helplessly.

“Princess, does mommy’s little girl need to cum? Are they that dumb and fuzzy and need their mommy?” She didn’t let your small nod be your only answer. She wanted to hear just how much you needed her, how wet you were for her and only her.

“Doll, you know mommy doesn’t like when her girl is ignoring her. Tell me, do you need to cum?” The tone of her voice would never match the cold expressions she’d have painted on her face. The black makeup she wore and leather jackets she’d drape over her shirt. Most of the time, you ended up being the one to wear her coat, she loved seeing you wear it more than anything. But, seeing you wear nothing but her jacket? God, it fucked her in the head. Her mind would short-circuit seeing your tits bouncing under her clothes.

“I-I need to cum, mommy. Please let me cum for you?” The coil in your stomach was closer to snapping than ever before. Feeling her strap deep in your walls had you clenching hard.

“That was weak, darling. C’mon, beg mommy.” No words could explain how embarrassed you were. You knew she loved it, but fuck was it difficult. You could barely even muster out words let alone plead her. But you knew you had to if you wanted the release you were chasing.

“Please, mommy! Please fuck me! I want to cum so bad, want you to breed me. Want you to fuck a baby in me, mommy, please!” She pondered for a moment. As much as she wanted to edge you all night till you were crying and shaking, she wouldn’t be that cruel to her angel. Her sweet thing needed to finish, and she’d let them.

“Do it for me. Fucking cum for your mommy.” She growled out next to your ear, feeling your legs shaking on top of her own. She leaned back to watch as she took another hit of her blunt. She wishes she’d taken a photo along with all of the Polaroids of your nude body she has. It was kept in a shoe box under her bed next to the playboys she’d forgotten about. Every night she missed your precious body and you were asleep on the phone, she’d masturbate to your photos. The ones with cum dripping down your legs. The ones with markings of ‘mommy’s slut’ on your stomach. The ones with hickeys coating your neck and tits. And especially the ones she had taken of your blissed-out face. How she could stare at those all day and still miss you.

“That’s a good girl, so good for me. You did so well, took all of them so damn well.” You mumbled out your appreciation before taking the small blunt out of her hands. You took a small swig to impress her, only receiving a small lip bite in return. She didn’t know how she ended up with the hottest little slut, but she did. And you were all hers. No matter how much the others talked about you, you both knew at the end of the day, she was the one making you cum. She was the one pounding you with her fingers or her strap. You were all hers, and that’s how it would always be. You were her sweet little dove.

“That’s a good girl, so good for me. You did so well, took all of them so damn well.” You mumbled out your appreciation before taking the small blunt out of her hands. You took a small swig to impress her, only receiving a small lip bite in return. She didn’t know how she ended up with the hottest little slut, but she did. And you were all hers. No matter how much the others talked about you, you both knew at the end of the day, she was the one making you cum. She was the one pounding you with her fingers or her strap. You were all hers, and that’s how it would always be. You were her sweet little dove.

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

Alternatives

Headcanon: Parent! Reader with Teen! Dazai, Chuuya and Akutagawa A/N: Ch 109 made me write this.

MASTERLIST

✧Dazai

⤷Humm I mean look at him? He screams attachment issues. I am pretty sure he hides the fact he wants affection, but lets be honest Parent's instant and He gets a hug.

⤷As a kid, he would be the type of person (kid?) who gets sugarrush just by taking one piece of candy. Lets be honest, the minute he eats one, its the time your whole house is covered in glitter and gold.

⤷He has difficulty opening up his thoughts, or rather, sharing his real views on anything, but I feel like he would have once in a while mental breakdowns and you can do nothing but hug your kid, and support him. (He is adoptive kay?)

⤷He LOVES whatever you make for him. He would be the type of person who would never skip a meal when it comes to you eating with him as a family.

⤷GIVE HIM HUGS PILLOW AND KISSES.

⤷A LOTS OF GOODNIGHT KISSES

⤷You read him a bedtime story. (You cant deny that)

⤷He once got kicked in his nuts as a kid, and honestly you cant blame the kid, your son's actions are questionable [PLEASE]

⤷You both will have Parent-son hangouts, considering how much you both tend to drift apart due to work.

⤷You once had a breakdown in front of him and he gives the warmest hugs.

⤷As he grows, (and you grow older) I feel like he would just randomly lift you from the floor and twirl you around.

⤷Also, he is the person who would prob come up to you in the middle of the night and say, "Mama/Dada I peed on the bed" (I cant stop laughing writing this)

(I wouldnt comment on his um depression cause cant we have a genuine fluff headcanon?)

✧Chuuya

⤷A pure good boy

⤷He doesnt like to disappoint you which is honestly cute and concerning

⤷I think he might as well get valadation issues.

⤷And anger issues. He is just built that way

⤷"YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY PAIN" Phase

⤷Probably had a jewellery obsession phase in middle school. But you wouldn't blame him, everyone has concerning phases in middle school.

⤷You and him have movie nights.

⤷He gets annoyed when you give him a goodnight kiss on forehead, but secretly love it.

⤷As a kid, he would prob try to hide his crying whenever he got hurt, but you could see his eyes holding back tears. You just look at him and go over him, holding his hand while kissing it, saying the boo-boo while go away. (He thought you had magical kisses to heal wounds till 6th grade)

⤷He might as well have nightmares, but that doesnt stop him from waking you up at the middle of the night, (even though he will hesitate) and sleep with you.

⤷Kid! Chuuya would probably love playing dress ups and now he regrets it because everytime he finds an old albumn, he will see himself in a pink tutu.

⤷He was once being bullied in school because of his height, and he kicked the guy in his nuts. #neverbeensoproud You gave him icecream as a treat.

⤷You accidently caught him drinking wine when he was a teen in highschool. Now you have two options, either go bizzare or drink with him.

✧Akutagawa

⤷ 10/10 had an emo phase in middle school

⤷You once opened his music app and well you know...

⤷He doesnt like when you waste money on him, like why are you even buying him merch of his favorite band??

⤷He doesnt speak much with you, he is a quite kid of the school.

⤷He aces his test, like full?

⤷Yeah even he got validation issues, but severe.

⤷Okay but why can I imagine him as a kid, he would probably enter your room in the middle of the night [he gets scared or nightmare occurs] and just stare at your sleeping figure questioning whether to wake you up or not. Ofcourse, being a parent you became a light sleeper, so imagining your kid staring at you at the middle of night is something-

⤷He believes EVERYTHING you say. Monster in the closet? Monster under bed manifesting if he doesn't sleeps? YES EVERYTHING.

⤷My little baby just needs a lots of hugs.

⤷Okeh buts its honestly so sweet of him to try bake a cake for you when its your birthday.

⤷He can cook, he can clean he can cough

⤷He would randomly come to you and give/get a hug from you while you try to process why your 'don't touch me' kid was hugging you

⤷He might as well be stealing eyeliners from you or buying it secretly.

⤷Also you regret opening his search history. (Don't ask)

A/N: AHHHHH I know this is like short and stuff but I literally have angst ideas at the moment and seeing the fandom condition i am speechless. I mean you all just made #bungou stray dogs trending on tumblr. P.s Chapter 109 made me loss my ability to write.

[queseraone]

I got asked this question and loved it so much, I wanted to open it up to the group.

If you could choose 5 Chenford scenes to rewrite, which would you choose, and how would you rewrite them?

Oooh, thanks for the ask Becca! I had a similar one from an anon, so consider this the answer to that one too 😘

Okay, so I'm going to preface this by saying... as much as I love this ship and this show, I could probably give you an endless list of things I wish they had done differently/better. Particularly in the more recent seasons, a lot of the storylines have felt... rushed?

And in a lot of ways, it feels like once they pulled the trigger for Chenford, they hit the gas so hard that they blew past a lot of story. (Okay, that's two unrelated metaphors in there, but I hope you get my point.) I know Chenford isn't the main focus of the show, but it is a huge lure, and it feels like a waste to not lean a little harder into some of those moments. A lot of the time it feels like they're giving quantity over quality for Chenford scenes, like they're trying to meet some unspoken quota for moments, but aren't putting much care into what those moments actually are.

Oh god, that all sounds sooooo negative. I swear I love Chenford and the show, no matter how much I may criticize it 😅

ANYWAY...

I desperately wish things had gone differently in 5x05. Tim should absolutely have broken up with Ashley, not the other way around. They still could have played it similarly, but instead have it be Tim getting that reality check. Nothing quite like your entire future being in jeopardy to make you take a good hard look at your life and who you're spending it with.

A lot of 4x08, but particularly their last scene of the episode and the way Lucy is written as more 'Team Genny' than 'Team Tim'. It's wildly out of character for her to not be able to recognize that Tim isn't just being stubborn, but rather he's having a very valid response to trauma.

It seems like perhaps there was a scene missing somewhere along the way leading up to that conversation at the end of 5x08. It has always felt like a bit of a leap between their conversations in the shop and that closing scene. They're clearly on the same page at the end, but they didn't quite succeed at showing how they landed there.

Look, as much as I adore the group scenes at Nolan's in 5x13, it will forever bother me that we didn't get a relationship reveal. What's the point of touting a 'secret relationship' and not bother bringing it out into the open? For a show that absolutely leans lighter than any other cop show I've seen (save for Brooklyn 99), the sheer comedy potential is a loss I will be mourning forever. I think it especially bothers me because we were kind of left in limbo between 5x12 and 5x16. We know they were still hiding it in 5x12, but then by 5x16 they were comfortable with people gossiping about their Valentine's Day plans? Make it make sense.

This can be related to several different scenes (5x12, 5x21, etc...), but for the love of god, stop telling us that Tim and Lucy are horny for each other and show us for once! They can tout this as "a family show" all they want, but as far as I'm concerned, this is a show for adults. And if a person is old enough to watch the host of other mature things they do show (physical assault, a man on fire, someone being blown up, shootings, etc.), they can fucking handle a non-HBO level sex scene.

I'm adding this as a bonus answer, because I can't necessarily pinpoint a specific scene to change here. As a general season 6 rewrite, I really wish they'd focused more on the UC conflict with Chenford. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the exploration of Tim's military past and the demons he has from that time, but it just felt... forced? Certainly a byproduct of the shortened season, but I wish they'd woven that in more organically, and not all but forgotten the UC issue after it was so prevalent in 6x01 and 6x02. There's just so much more to unpack than what we saw in their conversations in those episodes.

[lovebillyhargrove]

***

It is that time in the early morning hours when nothing seems quite real.

You open your eyes and still don't understand if you're awake or still dreaming and whether it's time to get up and start about your daily routine or there's still a chance to fall back into sweet slumber.

It is still dark and what makes it darker is rain outside.

Gently tapping on the roof and against the windows. Lullabying.

Neil isn't at home. He is on a night shift, working as a security guard in a bank some blocks away. He'll come home at 7.

She still has enough time but she needs to hurry.

She grabs the bag she packed the previous evening. She doesn't need much.

Quietly puts the bag on the floor near the door.

She'll be out of this burning house in no time and

She'll be free.

Of Neil.

What a mistake. What a huge fucking mistake and such a waste.

Of her time, of her youth, of her strength and love.

Before grabbing the door handle, she knows, she must say good bye.

To her boy.

She can't make herself do that, it's too hard, it's impossible. She can't look at him.

She has to.

She's gonna settle and come back for him, but how much time will it take before she can do that?

She doesn't know for sure.

It's time to go, however,

She must take a look at him and whisper him goodbye.

It's not goodbye, I'll see you soon, I'll come back for you, I promise.

She goes to her little son's room, cracks the door open.

There he is, sleeping peacefully. The blanket is down on the floor, he often kicks it off in sleep.

She should put the blanket back on him, it's a chilly night.

Just don't wake up, please, don't wake up.

"Mom?" His voice so thin, so fragile

..

"Mom, is that you?"

"Yes, honey."

"Is it time to get up?"

"No, baby, you close your eyes and sleep, it's not morning yet."

She touches his hair and tries not to look at his face.

Into his eyes.

"Okay. Mom?"

"Yes, baby?"

Billy sighs, half in drowse, closes his sleep-enchanted eyes

"Why are you in my room?"

"Just .. just came to check on you. I love you, baby. Go back to sleep."

"Love you too. Can you make pancakes for breakfast?"

"Sure. Sure I can."

Damn it. She should leave. Dale is waiting for her a block away from their house.

Dale is nice. He's taking her to Utah with him, and they'll ..

They'll get settled and she'll come back

For Billy.

Dale is not so keen on the idea of taking care of her son that she has with Neil, but .. she'll try to convince him. She will.

Billy has already slipped back into deep sleep.

She shouldn't look at his face, but she can't help herself.

Her eight-year old son's face is so beautiful.

A kid's face.

Untainted.

God.

She shouldn't have done it, cause now tears are running down her face and she doesn't want

To leave him.

But the hell they've all been living in for the past year?

A year and a half ..?

It has to stop. Maybe they'll be better off, just the two of them, without endless ugly fights

You're leaving him in the hands of a monster.

The twilight of the early morning hours is soft and dim

And grey. The rain makes it darker

And sadder. Mournful.

She's clutching at her bag, as she runs, and keeps the other hand close to her heart - to help hold it together, to help it not to break.

The twilight is quiet and pale,

And sorrow is cutting her in half.

***

A wip? Billy's mother POV. I understand her motives and reasons. But that doesn't mean that I consider them a valid excuse for leaving her son. Is there one? Kids are ours, ties thicker than ropes attach us to each other, and it's all on us. Cause we had them, and they are little.

And so, she'll pay.

[stateswscarlet]

heyyyy! First of all I just wanted to say that you are so eloquent and informative in the way you speak about the law and I really appreciate your tough love approach. I’m reaching out because I feel utterly stuck. For the past two years (when I first discovered the law) I have been trying (and I use this word only for clarity purposes) to manifest my dream life and seemingly failed at every turn (no sp - in fact he feels farther away than ever, no financial freedom, anxiety and intrusive thoughts, etc) I feel like I am in a limbo world rn where I understand how the law works, what is required of me (changing self) but nothing seems to change. I feel scared that this is all in vain that at the end of the day I am wasting my time and energy. That I should just move on. But that feels like quitting and I HATE quitting. I just feel like I’m on the precipice of it all clicking but I don’t know how to get myself to that point.

I understand you get asks probably just like this one all the time. Thank you for all you do in this community. You’re truly the best 💋🩵🥹🤍

thank you so much for your kind words, im glad my approach has helped you! you say you seemingly fail at each turn... who is deciding that? the 3D? you looking AT the 3D and going "yup! this neutral situation means my manifestation didnt happen/isnt happening!" you say you know what is required of you and know you have to change self, but also said nothing seems to change which I assume you mean internally nothing has shifted (which is why your reality is the way it is). If you had truly changed self and remained true to that FOR YOURSELF and NOT to see it in the 3D, you wouldnt be sending this ask. How is it wasting your time and energy when: 1. manifestation is effortless, natural, and your very being 2. manifestation is instant the very second you assume you have something 3. you are doing this for YOUR OWN wellbeing and fulfillment 4. this is NOT a process, this is not a job you get rewarded for the more time and energy you put in you have to go to the root for why you feel so bound to the 3D. the only reason why you feel this way is because somewhere deep down you use the 3D for validation and when "nothing happens" you think youer doing something wrong or that all of this is in "vain" because you never actually grasped what fulfillment means to you. fulfillment isnt doing something in imagination and trying to feel good because you think it will reflect by doing so. it means choosing yourself despite everything else and not letting a mirror decide who YOU are. I cant tell you if you should move on or not, that isnt anyones decision but yours. read this thread for more info on moving on. i would suggest you reevaluate where your focus and intentions have been if you continue this journey because i guarantee youve been returning to the 3D more often than you think and basing your "movement" off a mirror when the mirror looks at YOU for validation. what is required FOR YOU to change self? ask yourself this question and be honest.

[utilitycaster]

I feel like a lot of people are projecting their own feelings towards what Taliesin did onto the cast as they seemed to me more stressed than necessarily angry at Taliesin but I don't actually play DnD so I thought I might ask you if what Taliesin did really was extreme enough to have actually made the cast as other playerd mad. I've just seen the claim that the cast is mad at x before, with Sam having scanlan leave or Bowlgate or Liam handing over the beacon and then the cast weren't actually mad at all.

Hi anon,

So just a blanket statement for the various questions I have received: until like, Wednesday, today was supposed to be a work from home day, as I often try to make my Fridays; I was pulled in to help an injured coworker briefly this morning, which I understand and which was relatively painless and would have left me free to work from home after 10 am, which is entirely reasonable. I then was sent to a last minute additional site and it turned out they were completely unprepared; this wasted about two and a half hours of my time and I'm now, understandably, extremely annoyed. This may bleed into my responses, though by and large I'm going to specify if I'm annoyed at you or not. Anyway, anon, I'm not annoyed at you at all and any "you" I say below is addressed to the fandom on the whole; this is a valid question.

Yeah the cast is mad. Yeah that's valid; as Matt pointed out there were extensive warnings specifically indicating that this would be a bad idea for Ashton to do. The cast is attached to each other's characters! They were, in fact, mad about Scanlan leaving and Tary showing up, because they care about Scanlan and that was an intense scene; Liam genuinely thought Sam was leaving the show. They were mad about this! They are also, probably going to get over it pretty quickly, or be "mad" about it in the way that your friends still roast you in the group chat over a typo years later. This isn't really even a D&D thing other than that Matt had Evontra'vir and Allura repeatedly say "you might fucking shatter." It's an anger born of concern that Ashton might have been permanently killed. But they weren't, and even if they were, it's fine. (The cast was not remotely mad about bowlgate though; see following paragraph.)

Which brings me to my next point. I have really only checked the blogs of people I follow because of aforementioned work problems and have barely glanced at the tag, and this is in conversation not just with this episode and that discourse and me being pissed off over real-world personal inconveniences, but also the larger discussion of "must stories have conflict?" and the fact that all the people who until quite recently insisted that actually Bells Hells are ROCK SOLID TIGHTLY BONDED and shat repeatedly on the astute point that Bells Hells are actually very surface level pleasant and don't ever discuss their issues have done a 180 that they will never acknowledge. Anyway:

It's extremely normal to be mad at people you care about, and to have arguments with them, and in fact it's likely more unhealthy to not have disagreements and get mad ever, and some of you sound like you've never been outside or had any friends. Like really that's it in the end. Actually believing Marisha and Liam were mad at each other? Friendless behavior. It's completely fine to wonder if this anger was valid, but like, honestly, people get mad over dumb shit every day and the point is that even if it's a stupid thing for the cast to be mad at (obviously, I think it's fine), be fucking normal and recognize that friends can be mad over dumb shit or valid shit and talk through it. Like. Some of you have no conflict resolution skills because you see all forms of confrontation as inherently evil and couldn't be me. I get in fights all the time and I get out of them and it's great. I am glad I no longer live in the midwest but god I cut swathes through problems there because I had zero investment in being Minnesota Nice when I was angry. Somehow this has turned into life advice, which is not what I thought it would be, but anyway. It's okay to be mad at your friends and expressing it in the way the cast did is super normal and they will probably all go out for drinks; as a person who has never chilled once in her entire life, I think we should all chill.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: (INFJ. 21) I am ashamed and isolated because my sense of fun doesn't coincide with people and society's sense of fun. I don't drink, smoke or go to nightclubs, and I hate those kind of things, but at the same time I feel I am not allowed to have fun and connect with others in any other way but that, and it makes me feel disconnected from humanity.

Your thinking seems quite extreme and one-sided. Society is a big, big place; we're talking thousands, millions, even billions of people. There are many different kinds of people with many different kinds of interests. Social isolation tends to make people very small-minded. By your own admission, you have been isolated a long time, which means you simply haven't seen enough of the social world to make objective and reasonable judgments about it.

I am a very serious and uptight person in real life but I actually enjoy doing childish things. I like going to amusement parks, dodgems, go-karts, arcades, inflatables, camping, some type of toys like stuffed animals and dolls (I don't collect and I am not obsessed with them though), exploring abandoned places, games such as Just Dance, Twister and housey-housey, jumping and doing acrobatics on trampolines, but also some socially acceptable things such as dancing, skating and barbeques, but I repress everything and I never “have fun” in real life.

I have done almost all of those activities with my friends, and we are all well into adulthood. I've even done them with my parents and their middle-aged and elderly friends of all stripes. I see absolutely no reason to hang our heads in shame. You wouldn't even know about many of those activities if they weren't popular enough to make money and continue to exist. Even if it's true that the majority of people around you don't take an interest in them (which is, again, very few people given how small your social world is), it doesn't make those interests any less valid. Are people not allowed to simply like what they like? Are any of those interests morally wrong? It sounds like there is something very off about your moral judgment, which speaks to a need to improve your moral reasoning skills. Poor moral reasoning is one major reason people suffer from excessive guilt or shame.

As a consequence, I am stuck in a limbo where I am miserable and bored but I also find the things that majority of people do boring, so I am not allowed to do anything. I am not someone who wants to be a child forever, I do have a genuine purpose (which, by chance, happened to be something that's the opposite of childish in society's eyes), ambition and career prospects in life, if that's the “grown up” thing you need from me to prove I'm not a complete extraterrestrial freak.

I have zero interest in judging you. Question for reflection: Why do you feel the need to prove anything? Due to projection, self-critical INFJs always imagine that they are being judged by everyone. This can compel them to try to get ahead of criticism or disprove negative judgments. These quests are a waste of time because 1) you can't avoid criticism in life, and 2) you can't change people's minds when they are intent on believing the worst.

What you can control, though, is how you judge yourself. Shame comes from the way you judge yourself. If you have a problem with being too self-critical, the first step is to own the problem and admit that you are the one doing the judging. Criticism can only trigger you when there is something within you that believes you are deserving of it. There is something about your way of evaluating yourself that needs to change.

Obsessing about how the world doesn't live up to your expectations is merely a distraction. Blaming others for how you feel is one common way to get stuck in Ni-Ti loop. Shame is your emotion; you generated it and it is up to you to understand why. Toxic shame is a serious issue and I have written about it before. It involves 1) believing what others say without critical reflection, as well as 2) believing the worst of yourself even though there is no rational reason for doing so. Given the distortions in your beliefs, it sounds like your toxic shame runs deep, perhaps it's a good idea to get professional help for it.

Sometime ago I found myself together with some early teens so the only thing I spoke about with them was careers because I felt that was the only thing I was allowed to do. I don't need to be told it was weird and socially inappropriate to only ever talk about future professions with those children because I fucking know already. When they started playing catch I wanted to join but I didn't, and I thought it was shameful, twisted, sick and deranged of me to want that, I felt like a pedo so I left.

Pedophilia is defined as sexual attraction toward minors. Are you saying it's impossible for an adult to enjoy innocent play with children because of having sexual feelings? If so, then, yes, that would make you a pedophile and you should indeed avoid children. If not, then why wouldn't you allow yourself to have fun with them, especially since fun is what you really need? Children tend to be accepting and love to play with anyone who is willing to chill and have a good time.

The division between "child" and "adult" is not as black-and-white as you believe it is. There is no legal or moral reason that adults cannot enjoy some activities that children enjoy. You seem to have concocted some very extreme beliefs and inflexible rules about what you can/can't do when socializing. Why?

When INFJs get stuck in Ni-Ti loop, they are resisting Fe development, so they unconsciously invent all manner of false beliefs to hold themselves back from getting the socializing they need. This situation with the children is a good example. If you believe adults shouldn't play with children, how are children meant to learn about the world? They require a positive influence from their elders and you could step up and fill that role for them. Yet, you can't, because you have a personal problem with feeling "childish" and it is too uncomfortable to confront, so rejection of yourself leads to rejection of the kids, thus losing a good opportunity to socialize.

When people stop themselves from fulfilling important needs, such as social needs, they suffer terribly. How can you be happy by constantly depriving yourself? If you treated someone else that way, it would be considered abuse. Why are you abusing yourself?

I think it all started when, other than joining the “adult world” and noticing I can't have fun with others because they don't share my sense of fun, a friend of mine told me I was “childish” for liking to explore abandoned places, and it hasn't left my mind ever since. My requited crush (ESFP) also told me I was weird once, and I started to feel even more ashamed because he's socially adept, popular and belongs to the world, and also kinda conformist because he does and is everything that society deems socially acceptable and enjoys it.

The real issue isn't "childishness" at all. The real issue is you were invalidated and it hurt because you lack the emotional and intellectual tools to handle criticism. Human beings are social creatures and need a sense of social belonging, so invalidation and criticism aren't pleasant experiences for anyone. No society is perfect. Every society has great diversity of personalities and you are bound to run into people who are very different from you, which means there's no avoiding invalidating experiences in life. What matters most is how you choose to respond to those experiences.

On one extreme of the spectrum, people stubbornly stand by what they believe even when everyone tells them they are wrong; on the other extreme of the spectrum, people just believe everything they are told without second thought. If you genuinely want to get out of Ni-Ti loop, you have to actively counter extreme and unreasonable thinking patterns whenever they appear in your mind. The healthy middle ground is to listen to what people say, in case they are making a valid point, and then do the critical mental work to evaluate it objectively, in order to extract truth and utility.

What you've done, through Ni-Ti loop, is taken the pain of invalidation/criticism and run off into the land of extreme thinking, eventually getting lost there. You exist on both extremes of the spectrum. On one hand, you just believe whatever negative thing people say about you, which leads you to feel ashamed. On the other hand, something within you can't agree with what was said, which leads you to stubbornly or angrily defend yourself. When you get stuck in such extremes, it is logically untenable, which means it causes psychological instability. What started out as a small hurt of invalidation/criticism has now been blown out of proportion into something so painful that you need to invent false beliefs to rationalize the terrible position you find yourself in.

These kinds of negative thinking patterns indicate a dire need for you to improve your emotional intelligence. The first step is learning to accept and embrace all of your feelings and emotions so that they don't always get blown out of proportion. Your feelings and emotions are important messages that help you maintain good mental health. However, when you don't process them properly, they have the potential to damage your mental health.

For example, it is quite reasonable to feel hurt by invalidation, but it is unreasonable to descend into shame, anger, and rage spirals in reaction to the hurt. You ought to reflect on the hurt, patiently and compassionately, in order to understand its true meaning. Perhaps it is simply informing you that those people are not well-suited to be your friends. You can try to deny the reality of the situation, or you can accept reality and keep moving forward to seek better social opportunities. There is always a better response you could choose.

Being around him makes me feel even more inadequate and self-conscious and I am terrified of him finding out the childish things I like doing because somebody “normal” such as him would think I am a weird mentally ill freak and that would shatter me to pieces because it would be the ultimate disconnect from humanity for me. So I disappeared and cut all contact with him so that he doesn't find out who I really am and starts using it against me.

Have you done something morally wrong? If you have, then it would be right for people to call you out and shame you. If you haven't, then other people's judgments of you are invalid, perhaps to be taken as proof that they are not relationship-ready, unable to be the friend/partner that you need them to be. If that were the case, the best thing to do would be to let the relationship go so that you could find something better. Use your Ni: What are the implications of continuing to tie yourself to his judgments and then blame him for your hurt? You would be stuck in a vicious cycle of fear and loathing with him indefinitely. Is that really how you want to spend your life? Once again, there is a better choice to be made.

I know everybody thinks I am a weird and deragend freak, so I isolate myself and I never express myself because I don't want people to ridicule and reject me for that again. I know I display a childish and simple-minded mindset, so fucking what? Are my insecurities socially unacceptable now as well? Am I not allowed to feel like this because it's the symptom of a “childish person with low ego development”? I only have this mindset because it's the same mindset everybody else has. How am I supposed to navigate the world otherwise?

"Everybody" thinks you're a freak? "Everybody" has this mindset? More examples of extreme thinking. Unless you have literally talked to everybody in the world and can provide concrete proof of their beliefs, then what you have here is a distorted or false belief, based on your own overactive imagination. Yes, rejection doesn't feel good for anybody, so it is reasonable to be afraid of it. But it isn't reasonable to take that fear and turn it into self-righteous rage. Does it make you feel better to rage against the world? Only for a moment, and then you go back to feeling like you're nothing. Unfortunately, it doesn't solve anything and doesn't get you your dignity back.

It's no use to pull a “gotcha” on me because I reprimanded my crush for being conformist while being a conformist myself. I am just bitter and envious that he manages to do it successfully and be part of the world while still feeling free in doing so. The other reason I avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist is to prevent myself from getting triggered by him.

"Pull a gotcha"? Like many socially challenged INFJs, you seem to have a habit of "mindreading", i.e., assuming you know what people are thinking/feeling or presuming to know what they will say. This habit is very destructive to relationships due to causing unnecessary misunderstanding. Socially challenged INFJs also have the habit of making up an image of people in their mind, and that's what they're really interacting with rather than the actual person. Since you're basically just talking to yourself, shall I leave you to it?

If you really already know all about people, then you should be able to resolve your socializing problems yourself and succeed in every relationship... yet you can't. A common way Ni-Ti loop mentally traps you is by making it very easy for you to believe that you know "The Truth" when you're actually just keeping yourself willfully ignorant of evidence to the contrary. The result is, you live in your own imaginary world. To get back to seeing more clearly (dominant Ni) and functioning well in society (auxiliary Fe), it is necessary for you to open your mind and make it more flexible to seeing the full truth. For Ns, feeling the mind get more and more inflexible is a huge red flag that something is wrong with the way they're thinking.

In running this blog, I am often forced to point out problems with people's beliefs only because it's necessary to correct them to reach the next stage of growth - not because I take sadistic pleasure in being pedantic and "pulling a gotcha". To be honest, I deeply dislike the tedious task of wading through the maze of people's distorted beliefs, which is one of the many reasons why I'm not a therapist. If you're going to believe I have ill-intentions and just want to put you down, you really shouldn't ask me for help, because nothing I say is going to get through your paranoia anyway. It would be a waste of time for both of us.

Are you gonna tell me to grow some balls, get over it and become a well-adjusted person? That's one part I predicted, but I also thought I could also get some useful or enlightening advice on how to get over my shame and reconcile my socially unacceptable interests with my bond with others. I just want to feel accepted for who I am and also “belong” and find my tribe, ideally, but I don't know how. It might not seem like it, but I genuinely want to change and have more courage, I was just letting off some steam. If you are wondering why I am a backlogged and underdeveloped individual like you did with the other INFJ not long ago is because I've previously been a hikikomori for 7 years on a Ni-Ti loop. I had this “childish interests” problem even as a teen, but it was nowhere near as severe as now. I used to completely repress my Fe before and I felt no need for relationships because I didn't know how to keep my Fe in check and, as I predicted, now it's out of control and I feel like a weak loser after my crush has made these repressed and unfullfilled needs of mine resurface. I'd rather you not publish my message but only your answer, in case you'll write it. I already know I am deeply gonna regret sending this to you but it's for the best.

"Grow some balls" is not something I would ever say because I believe that it's wrong to use gendered insults. Are you aware of the crude and vulgar way in which you talk to yourself?

Whenever you interact with people, you are taking an emotional risk, so socializing does indeed require some courage. You are risking the possibility of getting rejected. You can accept the risk gracefully and keep moving forward in life, or you can twist yourself up over it and get stuck in fear and pain. You get to choose.

I have made it clear on the contact page that when people send their questions to me anonymously, I will publish them publicly. I can't respond well if I can't make direct reference to the things you've said. But it's important for you to go back and review everything you've written for two other reasons:

1) Self-Reflection: You need to understand that hurt people hurt people. Your lack of self-respect comes out in how little respect you have shown to me. You don't get to rattle, rant, and rave and then, when you feel better, pretend like you didn't say all those things or that the things you said were meaningless, which is what many unhealthy FJs do. It is disrespectful to dump your emotions on someone, presume to know what they will think and say, and then try to control how they respond to you. I'm not your servant to order around. That is not what healthy socializing should look like.

Even if you could find some friends to be your "tribe", it's likely that you wouldn't be able to keep them for very long because of how easily you get triggered into tertiary loop. There is actually nothing morally wrong with your personal interests despite what the people around you say, but there is something wrong with how your unresolved hurt inadvertently causes you to hurt others.

You need to be a good friend in order to keep good friends, which means you have to face up to all the ways in which your extreme thinking leads to toxic behavior, in terms of misunderstanding, misjudging, and mistreating others. When your initial stance in relationships is defensive, distrustful, and antagonistic, you're making yourself unapproachable and unlikable. This only feeds into Ti loop self-sabotage, by repelling people before they reject you.

2) Self-Awareness: The purpose of my blog is to explore ways to improve self-awareness through type development. An important aspect of personal growth is the willingness to confront the truth of oneself. All the things you wrote above are a reflection of you, your beliefs and your values. If you don't like what you wrote or feel ashamed of it, it's a good opportunity to review and reflect on why.

To break out of Ni-Ti loop, you need to face up to: the extreme thinking patterns; the false beliefs distorting your worldview; and most importantly, the deep unresolved pain you feel from isolation and alienation. How can you heal a wound if you're not willing to look at it, tend to it, and apply the required medicine? Yes, it stings, but it is sometimes necessary to endure growing pains in order to grow.

There are things you can do to heal tertiary loop and I've witnessed many INFJs do it. But you have to be willing to take an honest look at yourself and change what needs changing without always falling into the habit of beating yourself bloody. There are several things you need to improve upon in order to break out of tertiary loop:

emotional intelligence: learn to accept, feel, listen, and understand negative emotions such as shame, rather than run from them, defend against them, or give in to them

self-esteem: admit that you are human (rather than always trying to live up to an unreasonable/unrealistic ideal image) so that you can finally hear and fulfill your psychological needs, which would help you feel better about yourself

self-worth: understand that it is okay to need and want love, and most importantly, believe that you are deserving of it, but learn to look for love in the right places

moral reasoning skills: learn to analyze moral issues intelligently so that you can make sound moral judgments on your own, otherwise, you will always be easily led astray by criticism

social skills: learn what it means to interact with real people rather than your image of them; learn to treat people with more respect and acceptance if you hope to receive respect and acceptance; learn to speak up and draw boundaries whenever you encounter people who are hurtful or toxic

communication skills: learn to express yourself authentically, sensitively, calmly, and assertively so that you are not always at the mercy of others in social situations

conflict resolution skills: there is no perfect way to socialize because conflict is inevitable; accept conflict as a fact of life and learn good strategies for minimizing and resolving it

I have already written about these topics before and recommended books on the resources page. Tried-and-true knowledge already exists for your self-improvement. The final question is whether you are actually serious about learning and changing.

With access to the internet, it is easier than ever to find people with similar interests as you. To achieve a goal, a person must be focused and determined. Focus all your attention on refining your search methods, rather than getting distracted by pointless criticism.

I suggest you broaden and systematize your search, instead of wasting time on the wrong people. The more time you've invested in someone, the harder it is on you if the relationship must end. Therefore, it is in your best interest to show your true self at the start of a relationship so that you know the truth and can make a fully informed decision about whether someone is a good fit for you.

Don't walk around believing that everyone should be your bff, otherwise, it is your own unrealistic expectations that will always do you in. It doesn't ultimately matter what is or isn't "mainstream". Everyone has a right to their own interests as long as they're not harming anyone, and a good friend/partner should be able to accept and appreciate legitimate individual differences. Pick your friends and partners carefully.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Before realising I'm aroace I've been thinking that I'll eventually find a partner and live in my own flat, so I'll have to move from my parents to the different part of the city. It made me sad, but I assumed it would be an inevitable fate.

But after getting older and realising that I'm aroace and not so attached to other people... Like a switch was flipped. I've realised that when my parents pass away, their flat will become... Mine. Because there will be only me there. And. I don't feel negative about it. Before I thought that when the owner of the house passes away, people try to move out and sell this property, because they must buy their own home and staying in the same place where their loved one used to live will hurt them. Like it's some kind of rule.

And now sometimes I'm imagining my future adult life in my room. Because if I want to move, I'll be moving abroad (my current living situation is the best an ordinary person in my country can afford). So this place, this flat will probably be my forever home.

Nobody has ever discussed this with me. It's so strange to see options beyond society's expectations. But on the flip side, I finally can imagine my future - and I could never do that before.

Honestly I feel ya especially on the whole "my future doesn't have to be like what society dictates" part.

Moving out and owning one's own place is getting less and less realistic compared to before, so that's a whole thing, and the whole "find a partner and go 'start a life' with them" was flawed to begin with. If it ain't broke don't fix it. If it's not harming anyone around you, or yourself, is there really a point to the whole "follow the pre-traced steps" game at all? If you like where you live, and don't need a romantic partner, and could see yourself staying there forever, more power to you! I'm a person who typically doesn't like change for most things, so I find it super valid.

Personally I wound up moving out and getting into a renting-a-tiny-place loop (can't afford to buy anything or rent anything bigger either) but that's mainly because I didn't like where my parents lived and my family could afford to support me studying elsewhere until I could become independent. I quite like it now. Just so happens I also now wanna marry someone who lives in another country, despite being aroace (queerplatonic shenanigans and true vibes being true vibes), but... That's my experience and you have yours and yours sounds like it'd definitely work and would waste less time and resources than mine. If anything you're probably doing the world more of a favor than I am. 🙈

Either way I wish you the best with that future, I hope it remains a vibe! As long as you're happy where you are and can provide for your needs, nothing else should matter, really.