#religion vent

[finleyforevermore]

Vent with religious themes, themes of trauma, suicide, assault, abuse, murder, and depression under the cut. Please, I beg of you, do not read if you are sensitive to any of these topics. Thank you.

Dear God (no, for real this time),

If what has happened in my personal life during this month/late last month has told me anything, it's that either:

A.) you are real and are just very bad at your job

or B.) you AREN'T and I've been praying to a wall for most of my existence

If A is the truth, I've got some words for you. Since you see all or whatever the fuck.

I've questioned your existence many times but I think this year is just it for me. Because looking back on it, you've done nothing of use for me or family this year.

I'd already been pretty committed to seeing things realistically but you letting Radio be taken away from me was the kicker I guess.

Radio/Simon, or @5ampuppetshow for those who aren't aware is currently inactive because its mom found their Tumblr and is now monitoring him. I don't know if/when he'll be back.

You really expect me to believe that YOU, the Almighty, allowed two of my dear friends to be taken away from me a month between each other?? Emory's (@wantmeifyouwantme) parents found his account and now I've lost my virtual big brother, and now you've allowed Simon to be taken away from me.

But why stop at just that? No no we've gotta allow 99% of some of the greatest people I've ever met to be traumatized, suicidal, have low self-esteem, or depressed. Because isn't that delightful? Isn't it so fucking wonderful to have people you love so much be traumatized and suffer beyond belief and lead the boy who has nothing but pure love for them to have many a breakdown over this? /sar

My mom and nana watch these crappy videos from "prophets" talking about "the end" and how everything and everyone is secretly wicked and selling their souls to the devil.

Well riddle me this, Big Guy Upstairs. Where the fuck were you to send me a vision or a sign that Liam was going to fucking kill himself? Where were you to send my friends a prophecy before their Tumblrs were taken away from them? Where were you to stop my friends from being assaulted? Where were you to stop my friends from being abused? Where were you to stop 99% of my friends from having such horrible, unbelievably terrifying trauma? Where were you to stop George Floyd's murder? Or Nex Benedict's? Or Ryan Gainer's? Where are you right fucking now to stop the ruthless murders taking place daily in Palestine? Where were you to stop my mother from marrying my father and save her from 14 years of torture? Where were you when my mom got breast cancer (she's cured now, her doctors were amazing)? Where were you when my father was born? You smited firstborn children in Egypt, you couldn't have killed my father?

My father will remain the worst man I've ever known and will ever know. But putting religion and other beings into the equation, that spot goes right to you.

For my entire life you have done nothing for me. You've done nothing for my family. You've done nothing for my friends. You've shown me utter indifference my entire life.

With every fiber of my being, I hate you.

See you in Hell, I guess,

Finley

[lostlosersclub]

seeing all my friend contemplate religion makes me want to cry and i just think its because i always just feel so confused. i wish i could believe that some being is looking out for me but i feel so alone in this world. ive questioned hellenic polytheism a lot but i dont think the gods would be looking for me. i want a sign. send me a sign i cant do this alone.

and then theres the fucking catholic guilt. i was raised to believe in this god my whole life but ive always felt abandoned. catholicism has failed me no matter how hard ive tried. i dont believe what i was raised on.

it feels so much more likely that there would be multiple gods and goddesses who are all just as flawed as humans. in christianity its always “god is perfect and he created everyone to be perfect” but we arent. were all fucked up. if society is chaotic, then its creators should be as well.

[asterias-corner]

Tw religious vent, sui mentions, sh mentions

“God didn’t hurt you, the people did.”

why didn’t he answer my prayers. Why didn’t he try and interact with me in any kind of way.

“you probably didn’t try hard enough. You have to keep faith 24/7, and don’t ask for signs- that’s fake faith.”

i did, i fucking tried for 11 FUCKING YEARS. I KEPT FAITH EVEN WHEN THE CHURCH HURT ME, I KEPT FAITH WHEN I READ THE SCRIPTURES, I KEPT FAITH WHEN I STARTED TO HURT MYSELF, I KEPT FAITH AND NEVER SWORE, NEVER DRANK, NEVER DID DRUGS, NEVER DID ANYTHING TO TRY AND BREAK THE FAITH I HAD IN HIM.

I DID FUCKING TRY!!! I TRIED BUT WHEN I PRAYED FOR HOURS, TRYING TO GET ANY SORT OF SIGN AS TO WHY I SHOULD STILL BE HERE, BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO FUCKING KMS WHY SHOULD I KEEP FAITH?! HE DIDN’T DO SHIT FOR ME. I TRIED OVER AND OVER, RELENTLESS FAITH AND PRAISE TO HIM. AND YOU WANT TO TURN AROUND AND SAY ‘I DIDN’T TRY HARD ENOUGH’ ‘YOU TRIED TO ASK FOR SIGNS, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT.’ ‘KILLING YOURSELF ISN'T THE ANSWER, GOD WILL SEND YOU TO HELL FOR THAT.’

FOR WHAT GOD FORSAKEN REASON SHOULD I KEEP FAITH?! FOR WHAT REASON SHOULD I TURN AROUND AND ACCEPT THE MAN WHO DIDN’T EVEN SPEAK TO ME. EVERYONE ELSE I KNEW, EVERYONE GOT RESPONSES, LITERAL 6 YEAR OLDS GOT SOME SORT OF REPLY. WHY DIDN'T I?!

it hurts and is so confusing seeing people talk good about the Mormon church, how do you live so peacefully there? How do you stay comfortable knowing your seen as normal? Do they not stare at you? Comment about you? Do they show compassion? You have no fear of hell? You have no fear seeing those paintings on the walls? No second thoughts about joining?

I’ve noticed it actually, there’s a difference in experiences with people who grew up in the church, vs people who joined willingly. They are happier, accepted more, those who grew up in it either are well known and loved, or shoved to the side with the adults who take pity on them for not being normal enough to hangout with the other people.

[thebpdcrybaby]

I hate when Christians say that suicide is a sin. What kind of sick god causes a person to suffer so bad that they die by suicide and then sends them to hell? Chester Bennington is not in hell right now. Sometimes I wish I could go to a liberal church, mainly to find a community. I am afraid to have spiritual beliefs though because I feel like it makes me more prone to my suicide ideations because then I'll think there might be an afterlife. If I think there's nothing after this, I'm less likely to act on suicidal thoughts. I really like the Unitarian church that's about 45 minutes away and have always wanted to try that again but it's far to go every week. I feel like I need community but only with sane liberal people. My mom wanted to take my son to a church but it really upset me because I know the churches around here are not liberal. I won't apologize for not wanting insane right wing agenda pushed onto my kid. I also want him to have the choice if he wants to believe in a god or not, I don't want it forced on him.

[thefamiliarstrangers100]

What’s with God’s obsession with shoving down our throats something we don’t want? Like chill, just admit it already you’ve sworn never to listen to me or answer my prayers. Like do me a favor and give me NOTHING AT ALL instead of giving something I don’t truly want. Because then I won’t appreciate it even if I want to because I just don’t have the heart to accept it, and then you’ll snatch more things away from me, claiming ‘I am not grateful enough.’ I’m so done with these stupid games. Religious trauma is so so real.

[muggle-born-princess]

Reblog if you're LGBT and are against MAPS/Child Groomers

[wolfythewitch]

late night confession

[nothing0fnothing]

As a young girl in the church I was taught to "respect myself."

We were told it from every angle. Our teachers, our preachers, our parents. "As a woman you have to respect yourselves." "How can men respect you if you're not respectful of yourself?"

I'm not sure why an 11 year old girl needed tips on how to make men respect her, but they felt it was important nonetheless.

So I educated myself and spoke my mind. I wanted to be respected for how clever I was. I asked questions that were thoughtful and well reasoned, I corrected elders when they were wrong and I focused on knowing as much as I could.

They didn't like that.

So I put all that aside, and instead I learned about feminism. I decided I should be respected for how firm I was. I said no loudly and clearly. I made my boundaries known and I reacted loudly when they were crossed.

They didn't mean like that either.

So instead, I put myself in therapy. I wanted to be respected for how self assured I was. I started caring for myself and putting me first. I healed from my trauma and learned how to not repeat old cycles, and everyone who I could, I brought them up with me.

They didn't like that at all.

No, apparently the type of self respect they wanted me to learn was the type where I beleived lies at face value, said nothing to those who crossed my boundaries and wallowed in depression and toxic cycles. But also like, while keeping my shoulders covered or something.

Silly me.

[dougielombax]

No, Jimmy.

A people’s indigeneity does not expire.

This is a universal fact that applies to all indigenous peoples.

Whether it’s the Irish, the Basques, Jews, Palestinians, Circassians, Assyrians, Armenians, Yazidis, Mandaeans, Sami people, Mari people (as in the Mari El), Rapa Nui, Māori, Ainu people, Ryukyuan peoples (Okinawa), Tibetan people or any others.

This still applies even if they change things like their religion or language too btw.

Try telling them that and see how they react!

What other lies are you gonna start spouting?

Are you gonna say that Ireland has always been British? Or that the Armenian genocide didn’t happen?

Because neither of those are true either.

Also.

This post is OFF-LIMITS to anyone who denies another people’s indigeneity. Or who tries to erase or deny their existence or right to exist.

But that should go without saying.

[bottombaron]

you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.

Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.

even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.

if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.

so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.

[obscurix]

i have complex feelings about god and mothers

[purpledeathh]

God if you exist prove it by killing me in my sleep tonight

[audreyrose7]

I wouldn't be so pissed at Christianity if it wasn't for indoctrination. Religion should be something that you choose and when you're literally a two-year-old sitting in church you can't possibly choose it, you can't possibly understand the gravity of the cult that you have entered. You'll listen to the sermons you'll read your Bible you'll sing the songs you might never question what you're doing or you might only question it 30 years later, either way it's a big deal and you should be able to make it informed choice instead of having your choice taken away when you're a child.

[scarletspider-lily]

the isolation of still being in christian spaces (without a choice) and knowing you do not believe is... insane, honestly, something i wish more people knew about. because its not just being in church that feels isolating, it extends to the outside world.

anyone you talk to in your church obviously doesnt understand you. you constantly need to police your words around them to avoid saying something "sinful" or anything that can be read as liberal in any way. the mask must stay on at all times, and then when you're away from that space, you need to slowly adjust and become yourself again, somehow.

and in secular spaces, people just dont get it. which isnt always their fault! its just hard to explain to people who mean well, why "ill pray for you" sets you off and makes your heart race and makes you shudder. "why dont you love your family?? not even your sibling? damn." you see a coworker wearing a shirt with a bible verse on it, and run through several calculations in your head, none of them ending up anywhere because you distance yourself from said coworker, even though you know you should be talking to them before coming to conclusions. "hey, please stop talking about (criticizing) religion, its a bit of a controversial topic here. hope all that church stuff gets better soon though!" your friends do not understand what you are venting about, though they try their hardest.

you try so hard to find people who have left religions and/or cults in the real world. all you seem to be finding are people who are still in them, or people who have never come close to having an experience you have.

not to mention this all becomes approximately 100 times worse if you're queer.

[worldclassdisaster]

[cupcakeshakesnake]

So I just randomly remembered that my dad considered sending me to a convent if "things didn't work out".

It would be a horrible alternate timeline, I think

Unrelated but I made these designs for myself and got them as tattoo stickers, so yeah that's what's on my arms lol