#rosie’s goals and dreams and personality differ from rose’s

[batsyvie]

she reminds him of his rose

[lucyintheskywithxanax]

Light Shall Smite Her

Pairing: Mildred Ratched x Reader

A/N: hello @serawalkerwrites​, this is my humble gift to you as your SP secret gifter 😌😘 I’m so nervous to post this, I hope you’ll like it. If you don’t, in the words of Puck, “This weak and idle theme, / no more yielding but a dream, / gentles do not reprehend. / If you pardon, we will mend.” x

(please bear in mind English isn’t my first language, so my apologies for weird sentences)

Word count:  ≃ 5 600

“I heard the new head nurse is very beautiful.”

Rosie waited expectantly for an answer. You hummed.

“I said,” Rosie repeated, in a louder, slightly annoyed voice, for she was excited and couldn’t bear your ignoring her right now, “I heard she’s very beautiful.”

You gave her a sideways glance by way of an acknowledgment, not bothering to stop your quick scribbling.

Rosie rested her elbows on the table and leaned towards you. “Don’t you care?”

“I’m writing,” you mumbled.

“Aren’t you interested, though?”

“Listen, Rose,” you started, setting your pen down and finally meeting your co-worker’s eyes, ”my break is over in five minutes, and I want – no, I need – to finish this, so would you be so kind as to postpone this conversation until later?”

Rosie straightened up with an irritated click of her tongue. “Fine,” she hissed. “I was just trying to be nice. Knowing you’re single, and all.” She turned, made to leave, but suddenly stopped to mock over her shoulder, “And by ‘and all’, I’m referring to the pathetic rant I had to suffer through last night about how ‘lonely’ you feel and how ‘unfair’ the universe is. I’m just trying to help.”

“Thank you, Emma Woodhouse,” you called after her as she angrily stomped out of the room.

With a sigh you resumed your writing. You hadn’t meant to be so harsh with Rosie, but you really needed to get rid of your thoughts and ideas by writing them down before your break was over. If you didn’t, the words would howl reproachfully in your head for the rest of the day, make a racket and fog your brain till you were finally able to spit them out on paper.

Just a few minutes more, you begged the clock on the wall. Your wrist was aching. Two more lines, and then you finally sat back in your chair with a huff like a warrior who has won their hardest battle.

You glanced up at the clock. Break over.

The clinic was unusually quiet today. A few patients looked up at you as you passed them on your way down the corridor. You offered them smiles, blinked at the sun when you glanced outside.

The lobby was deserted. You worked at the front desk, and were in charge of most administrative tasks – a rather boring job, but it paid well and left you enough time to write.

You were sorting out schedules when Rosie crossed the lobby, pushing an old man in a wheelchair. She shot you a moody look and mouthed something you didn’t understand. Five minutes later she was back; and, planting her elbows on the front desk, mouth tight and eyes studying your face, she started, “So, as I was saying, the new –” but before she had time to finish there was the sound of a door opening, heels, a voice speaking quickly, and then two people walked briskly into the lobby.

And one of them was a male nurse you knew called James, a boring, conceited person you couldn’t care about; and the other – but someone had drugged your coffee. There was no other explanation.

James came to a halt before your desk. With a contemptuous look to Rosie, he pushed her to the side, and ignoring her angry hiss announced proudly, “Y/N, this is Mildred Ratched, our new head nurse.”

You stared at her. The world around you vanished. It was as if someone had shone a spotlight on her, the rest of the room going dark as the audience held their breath. You were suddenly too hot, the air in your lungs was burning gas and it hurt – but Mildred’s face stayed perfectly composed.  

She gave you a polite smile and extended one hand to you as if nothing terrible was happening, as if you and her were meeting for the very first time and the only thought crossing your mind, as it had two years ago, simply was, What a beautiful woman.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Mildred said, red lips curling up into a smile.

You knew that smile. It was the smile that reached her eyes but was fake and cold and meant to signify, I know what I’m doing. I’ve got this. There’s nothing you can do but submit.

You shook her hand. Mildred saw the way your arm trembled when you drew it back and pressed it against your chest.

“I’m giving Miss Ratched a tour of the clinic,” James was saying, with a note of pride in his voice. “She’s been very impressed by our equipments.”

“Yes,” Mildred answered, gaze boring into you. “The place where I used to work certainly didn’t enjoy such modern facilities.”

Your brain took over. It really was the only way you could survive this moment. You swallowed and locked up your heart and let coolness and calm seep through you.

“The place where you used to work?” you asked. You congratulated yourself on how neutral your voice sounded.

Mildred’s brow pushed up slightly, for she knew exactly what you were doing. She knew you. And despite your best efforts, you felt heat creep up your cheeks, heat creep up your ears, heat everywhere it was too damn hot.

But you would be damned, you told yourself, you would be damned before you averted your gaze from hers.

“Oh, it was a small place,” Mildred answered – and was her smile turning a little cruel? “You wouldn’t know it,” she added, and just like that, with her smile lingering on her lips, she turned from you and gestured for James to lead the way.

You stared at her back as she walked off, gait as decisive as you remembered it to be, but with that nervousness to it, as if she were constantly running from something. Do you only know where you’re headed?, you had asked her once – and she had gazed at you thoughtfully as she’d blown out cigarette smoke, and hadn’t answered.

“What was that all about?”

A door slammed shut, making you jump. Only know did you realize that your fists were tightly clenched, and your lungs were burning from lack of oxygen. You forced yourself to take a deep breath.

“What was that all about?” Rosie asked.

You glanced at her. “Don’t you have something to do?” you snapped.

**

Mildred and you. The story was a simple one.

She had been a nurse at the local state hospital, you had been a professional writer; you had met at a coffee shop, where you would both spend your Saturday afternoons. You had talked. You had laughed.

The sparkles in her eyes when she would talk about things she loved, things that made her happy, had caught your attention. So had her smiles, and her laughs, and every little thing she had said and pointed out.

You had ached. And then one day you had been bold enough, and leaned in to kiss her. And she, with a half-disgusted, half-shocked laugh, had pressed one hand to your chest to push you away – and in a voice that was only slightly shaking, had demanded what the hell you thought you were doing.

Turned out she had been hunting. For a young, happy woman, who would “fill the needs” of her brother, just recently got out of prison. You had gawped at her as she had explained the whole scheme to you, talking for all the world as if she were having a perfectly casual, perfectly normal conversation –

And then –

The anger and the disgust and the pain and the betrayal. You had stormed out of the coffee shop with the need to scream and to destroy something. To make someone bleed. To make someone pay for what you were feeling.

And the hatred – how you hated her. And yet, there had been signs, you had seen them – how she would bite her lower lip sometimes when she listened to you talk, how she would glance up at you, eyes a little darker and a little stormier and a little shy, how when she would reach out to cup your face in her hands, to comfort, to reassure, her touch would linger and her fingers would hold as if you were made of the most precious star matter in the universe – you couldn’t have been wrong. She had wanted you. You knew it. But she had been on a mission, and nothing could distract that kind of a woman from her goal.

To know you had been used, to know you had been seen as nothing more than a piece of meat to be fed to a hungry animal, made you feel dirty and disgusted with yourself. You couldn’t get rid of the feeling. So, with a desperate need to get rid of yourself, of the way you had been seen, you moved and got a new, different job – tried not to think of the reasons why you applied to a clinic of all places. You made yourself new, in a way.

And now – now your old self slammed back into you with a vengeance. It wouldn’t have been a problem, not really, had it come alone; but it was accompanied. It stood hand in hand with hope. And hope – hope was the worst.

The rest of the day passed quickly. You focused on your work, let your brain hold the wheel and did your best to ignore the thing, the thing that was warm and insistent and that you could feel growing in your chest, from making too much noise. It was adamant it would make itself known, though, and you were well aware it would only take a spark to set the fire roaring – and sure enough, at 5:30pm, as you were gathering your things and about to leave, the warmth started to burn – for Mildred, in her nurse uniform, walked up decidedly to your desk and, lips curled up, said, “Doesn’t your shift end at six?”

You clenched your teeth as you slowly looked up at her. “You’re not the boss of me,” you retorted, low and mean.

Mildred’s mouth twitched. “I would not be so sure of that.”

“I arrive earlier in the morning so I can leave earlier in the afternoon,” you snapped, louder this time.

She hadn’t changed a bit. She still looked exactly the same. You stared at her impeccable hairdo, at her collar, trying not to pay too much attention to the pale column of her neck; up, past her lips – a shudder, at the reminder of how they had felt against yours – to meet her eyes again, and catch a glint of amusement in them.

You cleared your throat, pretended the heat that flooded your face was fueled by anger, not embarrassment.

“So how’s your brother?” you taunted.

Mildred blinked. Her smile faded. She glanced over her shoulder, then leaned towards you and said, “Can we talk somewhere private?”

“Why?”

“I have things to say to you.”

“Things to say to me?” You snorted. Crossed your arms against your chest. “I don’t care what you have to say. I’m going home. Move.”

She didn’t move. She stood resolutely planted in front of your desk, eyes boring into yours, so you picked up your bag and walked around her, bumping her shoulder to make a point.

She flinched, as she always did when you would touch her without warning. You felt her gaze burning the nape of your neck as you hurried off. It was all you could do not to run when you reached the door.  

**

“This woman isn’t trustworthy,” you told your boss the next morning.

He barely looked up from his paperwork. “Which woman?”

“Miss Ratched.” You pretended you felt nothing, pretended it was not like music, when you uttered her name. “You made a mistake hiring her.”

“Did I?”

“She doesn’t have the credentials for the post of head nurse.”

A glance at you, annoyed and distracted.

“Her credentials are excellent.”

“They’re fake,” you insisted, shaking your head. “Everything about this woman is fake. Believe me, you cannot trust –“

“Miss Y/L/N,” he interrupted with a sigh, “if you do not have proof for these allegations then you’re only making me lose my time.”

You sat at the front desk in a bad mood. Patients glared at you when you answered their questions too shortly, and you glared right back at them until they lowered their gaze. Every time you heard footsteps, every time you heard a voice, your heart would speed up and your head buzz and you would look up, half in fear, half in (but that was hard to admit and, at first, you denied it) hope, expecting to see Mildred. You didn’t, though. The hours passed by and the nervousness in you increased, but Mildred never once crossed the lobby. She wasn’t in the break room at lunch; a nurse told you she had gone out to a restaurant with a friend.

At 5:30pm you left in an even worse mood. You told yourself it was because you hadn’t had the opportunity to be mean to Mildred, to take out on her some of your resentment and anger. There was no other possible reason, and if there was, it certainly was not that you were disappointed you hadn’t had the opportunity to at least steal a glance at her.  

At home that evening you tried to write, but the words had disappeared from your brain. You sat at your desk, eyes glazed, fingers unmoving. There was something in your chest that was made of emptiness and yet weighted heavy near your heart.

As you lay in bed you tried to summon bright images in the dark, the brightest you could create, red sunsets and turquoise oceans, anything to outshine the image of Mildred. You tossed and groaned and got too hot. In the corner of your room it seemed to you something was crouching, and looking up at you, and hoping.

In the morning you opened your window and stuck your head outside. The air still carried the chill of winter and made you shiver. But your blood was boiling. It was boiling still when you got into your car, boiling when you settled at the front desk and turned on your computer.

You decided it was boiling out of anger.

And yet – did anger make one’s heart beat so very fast at the mere sound of heels on tiles?

You told yourself it did.

It wasn’t until your lunch break that you saw Mildred. As usual, you gulped down your lunch to have time to write; and you were just starting when the door opened, and without so much as an introduction Mildred walked in and stopped right in front of you.

You looked up from your work.

“What do you want?” you growled.

Mildred gave you a pacifying smile.

“Good afternoon,” she started, lacing her fingers together in front of her. “As I said the other day, I merely want to talk.”

You snorted, and pretended to focus on your writing. But just as last night, words fled from your brain. Mildred’s presence was taking all the room inside your head, filling it with her scent and her colours, her voice, the shapes of her body. Your heart was beating too fast, your pen was frozen on the piece of paper, and out of the corner of your eye the blue from Mildred’s uniform was too bright, it was too flashy, it drew all of your attention.

After a few, long seconds of tense silence, you dropped your pen on the table and almost barked, “Fine, go ahead, talk.” You met Mildred’s eyes and tried to scowl, tried to convey to her the vehemence of your anger. “Say what you have to say and then get out and don’t talk to me ever again.”

“You’re quite overreacting, wouldn’t you say?”

“You’ve got some nerves, wouldn’t you say?”

More silence, as you both stared at each other. Mildred’s gaze wasn’t cruel or angry, you noticed; if anything, she looked nervous.

“Since you want us so badly to speak,” you said before she had time to, “answer this question: what would have happened, if I hadn’t tried to kiss you?” You waited, but since she didn’t answer, merely kept on looking at you with one hand sliding up her other arm to hug herself, you went on, “What would have happened, uh? You would’ve dropped a sleeping pill in my drink, kidnapped me, locked me up somewhere for your brother to do to me whatever he wanted?”

Mildred let out a short, offended laugh. “Don’t be so crude.”

There was yet another pause, during which she looked at you, nervously, and you looked at her, angrily; and then, entirely of its own, your gaze flicked to her mouth, and she noticed it, and her eyes widened a little.

You looked away and cleared your throat, praying – praying! – that the heat you could feel everywhere didn’t show in your face.

“I would merely have introduced you to Edmund,” Mildred answered eventually.

You met her eyes again. “I don’t believe you,” you growled. A pause. “Why did you wait so long?”

“I needed to make sure you were the right one for him.”

“And how many women,” you went on, slowly standing up and slamming your fist on the table,” did you try out before me?”

Mildred’s eyes darted to your hand as it hit the table. She jumped slightly, fear widening her eyes, and for a moment regret washed part of your anger away. You took a step towards her with the intention to reassure, no longer to fight.

You caught yourself, though. You stopped, and folded your arms on your chest.

“Answer me,” you growled.

“You were the first,” Mildred said, voice a bit tight. She hesitated, stroked her arm with her thumb. “I had no idea you were the kind of woman who doesn’t like the company of men.”

You laughed mirthlessly. “And you think that excuses everything?”

“It must have made it more unpleasant.”

“Any woman would know how fucked up it was,” you growled. “Except you, clearly.”

Silence settled between you two. Mildred’s thumb was still stroking her arm nervously, and you found yourself staring at it, as if drawn by the repetitive movement.

“I apologize for what I did,” Mildred said after a few moments.

Your eyes flicked back to her face. “Do you really? Do you really mean it? Or is it another lie, meant to coax me?”

“I do mean it,” Mildred replied.

“Then prove it.”

Something like annoyance flicked across Mildred’s features; but then, as quickly as it had come, it faded, and the nervousness settled back.

“How?” she asked.

You took another step towards her, meaning to invade her space, just a little, just to show her you had the upper hand. An idea flashed in your brain, but you couldn’t quite see its contours through the mist of boiling anger, so when you voiced it, it was without fully knowing what the words would be.

“Let me make sure you’re the right one for me.”

You paused. You decided you rather liked these words.

Mildred’s mouth opened, closed again. She titled her head, eyes narrowing.

You took another step forward.

“Let me,” you breathed, extending one hand to brush invisible dust from her sleeve, “try you out and decide whether I want you for myself.”

Mildred held your gaze with a stubborn, challenging – amused? – kind of fierceness, and you noticed how she had started breathing through her mouth, how her cheeks were coloring, not with embarrassment, but with excitement it seemed; like a champion in the starting blocks, adrenaline racing through her veins.

Something was drumming in your ears. Certainly it was your heart, but maybe it was something else - and this time you couldn’t fool yourself into thinking it was anger. Anger never drummed, anger thundered. Desire – longing – had its own particular kind of music.

You wondered, vaguely, if Mildred could hear it too.

She blinked. The fierceness in her gaze faded. She looked away, the black in her eyes turning sad and shy, then looked up again, hopeful this time, and you couldn’t help but marvel at the mirror that was her gaze, always reflecting, always revealing.

“Alright,” she said.

Your lips twitched into a smirk.

And then, just when you thought you had won, she smiled that victorious smile of hers that reached her eyes but was always cold, except this time it was warm, and there was mischief shining under it like a child up to no good.

“You have 24 hours, not a minute more,” she said, playful, almost singing. “Make the best of them.”

And then, and then - she lifted one hand, brushed the back of her fingers down your cheek, to mock your previous touch and remind you who was in control. Her cold skin made you shiver and instantly ache for more; and you would have leaned in and crashed your mouth against hers had you not regained control of yourself at the last second.

She left you with a glance over her shoulder as if to dare you to follow her. She left you standing burning and aching, trying to process what had happened.

You collapsed on your chair, because this all meant, dear you this all meant – that you had been right? That she was interested in you?

You raised a hand to your chest as if that could help slow down your heart. You did not know what you should be feeling. There were too many emotions, and which one was supposed to be right? You needed someone, a guide, to point out and say, This. This is the proper emotion to feel.

You spent the rest of the day in a state of overwhelming nervousness. Every minute you expected Mildred to appear with a cup of coffee or a bouquet of flowers for you. Nothing happened. The afternoon went by as usual. Rosie stopped at your desk for a chat. An old man threw up in the lobby and the cleaning lady cursed.

When the clock reached 4pm, you almost got up and stormed into Mildred’s office to demand what she was doing. Why the hell wasn’t she trying to win your heart? Why wasn’t she being excessively nice, voice dripping with honey, wide eyes begging?

You couldn’t believe the nerves of this woman, and you were fuming, until you saw her crossing the lobby with a young nurse in tow, and she glanced your way, and smiled. And her eyes weren’t wide, they weren’t begging, but they were nice, and they reflected the genuine good intention of her smile.

This is when you realized. There would be no excessive attentions or sweet little lies to flatter. She was aiming for the exact opposite of what you had run away from. Honesty. Being herself.

A little while later she walked up to your desk with a bunch of reproaches because you had messed up with a few patients’ schedules. Her tone was firm, her gaze hard. Brief apologies dropped from your mouth before you had time to think them. You eyed her curiously as she walked away, and kept on gazing at her long after she had disappeared. Then you cleared your throat, and willed yourself to focus on your work again.

When you saw her again, you were making ready to leave. She had changed into a long, forest green pleated skirt and a creamy white blouse with cuffed sleeves. You eyed her up and down as she came close to you, which made a small smug smile tug at the corner of her lips. You prayed all the gods the heat in your cheeks didn’t paint itself pink, and pretended you were busy with your handbag.

“Dinner?” Mildred asked simply. “I know a place.”

The place in question was a small, cozy and fashionable restaurant with a menu of fancy dishes that made your eyes widen. Mildred asked for a table on the terrace, in the setting sun; the waiter pulled out a chair for her with a respectful bow of his head, and for you with merely a nod.

You said something about the sunset, about how glad you were the weather was getting warmer, how dearly you loved the spring; you pointed out flowers. Mildred lit up a cigarette and listened to you speak, her gaze kind and attentive, and it struck you how easily you two were falling back into your old routine. How peaceful it was, how natural it felt to just sit there with her as the sun yawned and stretched, as cigarette smoke and laughter curled lazily up towards the sky.

Mildred folded her napkin and set it neatly on her lap. You glanced at her as you pretended to muse over the menu; and when Mildred’s gaze met yours, an awkward laugh burst out of your mouth and danced in Mildred’s eyes.

“I honestly do not know…” you started.

“Try this,” she smiled, tapping a finger on the menu.

“I do not trust anything with asparaguses in it.”

“Trust me, then,” Mildred retorted with a laugh.

The laugh died prematurely as your face hardened. Mildred swallowed, glanced down at the menu, looked up again to meet your eyes.

“I’ll have it myself,” she said in a slightly subdued voice. “So you’ll know what you’re missing out.”

You hummed, and took a sip of your drink to swallow the lump in your throat.

Dinner passed in easy, casual conversation. Sometimes, after you had said some random thing, Mildred would smile a shy, fond smile at an object on the table or at something around her, like sharing a secret with herself. You didn’t notice the waiter when he came back. Mildred let you steal a forkful of her meal, and laughed victoriously when your eyes widened at the rich taste that filled your mouth.

For dessert you both ordered rose and lemon Turkish delights, and fell in a comfortable silence. You watched Mildred and she watched you. At one point she ran the tip of her tongue over her lower lip to lick off powdered sugar. You felt yourself blush. Mildred noticed, smiled a little smugly; when your eyes met again, hers flicked down to her glass, and her smile turned shy.

“You never answered my question,” you said.

“Which question?” Mildred smiled at her glass.  

“How is your brother doing?”

There was cruelty in your words, but you thought you were entitled to some of it. The sun had set by now, the moon and the stars were not out yet: there was no witness.

Mildred’s smile faded. She looked up at you, a little reproachfully.

“He’s doing fine,” she said after a short while, in the voice she used at work with the other nurses. “Better than I thought he would. He found a job taking care of animals at the local shelter. It makes him happy.” A pause. A soft, dreamy smile to the tree on your left. “The animals help ease his mind. They give him purpose. He says he likes caring for innocent souls, that they would never hurt anybody, not because they can help themselves, but because the very idea would never even cross their minds.”

“That’s nice, but I was referring to his love life.”

She searched your eyes. “Nothing much to say about that.”

“So you didn’t find him the perfect spouse?” you asked with a mirthless laugh. “What happened? Set the bar too high?”

A gust of wind tangled in your hair, like a reproach from the universe, but you chose to ignore it. You brushed the strands of hair from your face and scowled at Mildred, awaiting – demanding – an answer.

Someone turned on the overhead lights, which threw a sudden bright, yellow glare on Mildred’s face and chased all the shadows.

“I stopped searching after you,” Mildred replied.

You snorted. There was a need to be cruel that was growing inside you and that was too loud, too outraged to be ignored. It was a military leader, and it had at its command an army led by Resentment, Pain, Anger and Revenge.

“What happened?” you mocked. “Got tired so quickly? Got so disappointed in me you thought it wouldn’t be worth your time?”

Mildred refused to take the bait. She stayed completely calm, face impassible and gaze bold, but soft. Her behavior made Anger give a low war cry and charge.

“The truth is,” Mildred said, and she leaned over the table towards you, and smiled and with her smile was swept away the impassiveness on her face to let a loving intensity shine, “just before you left I had made up my mind to keep you for myself.”

You clenched your fist. “Then why the fuck,” you hissed, “did you push me away?”

“I didn’t! All I did was inform you what my plans had been, for the sake of honesty –”

“For the sake of honesty?” you repeated. “Are you kidding me?”

“But then you ran away,” Mildred finished. Had there been the slightest note of reproach in her voice, you would’ve jumped to your feet and broken something.

“As if you cared,” you growled.

“I tried looking for you,” Mildred said.

She paused. There was a nervous twitch to her mouth that, in the absence of shadows, you saw.

“I don’t believe you,” you growled.

“But you disappeared. You moved, didn’t you? You changed your job, you disappeared so completely and I –”

“Bullshit.”

“– and I tried to find you, but there was my job, and there was Edmund, and I couldn’t give up on him when he –“

“So you gave up on me instead.”

Mildred cut herself short. Silence hung heavy as she struggled, weighed up ugly truth against beautiful lies, until she said in a breath, “Yes.”

A sense of victory washed over you, but it felt sick, unsatisfying, and you wondered whether defeat wouldn’t have been better.

For a long moment none of you spoke. Then you realized in your anger you had leaned towards her, too, and your faces were only a few inches apart.

Mildred’s eyes flicked to your lips. You stopped breathing. You were so mad, you swore if she tried to kiss you right now you would flip the table, rip off the lights, break your chair. She had no right to ask to come back in your life, not after what she had done, and you were so mad, and definitely not leaning in and your lips were not parting as if to taste the air she exhaled –

Mildred raised her hands to cup your face. Her touch was like thunder, except you were not a tree but the sky; you had not been hit and burnt, but sublimated and illuminated.

You flinched, and sat back in your chair.

“So?” you asked, folding your arms on your chest. You couldn’t quite meet Mildred’s eyes. Your face was burning.

Mildred raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“So what happens now? What’s your plan now that you’ve found me?”

Mildred smiled. “That,” she answered, “is entirely up to you.”

Was this a blatant lie? You stared at her, forcing yourself to silence the fresh burst of anger her words triggered in you. For if there was one thing you were quite sure of, it was that Mildred Ratched never relented. When she sank her fangs into a prey, she never let go. She would forever be just a few inches behind you, the shadow gliding on your walls day and night, the fingers brushing your shoulders and making you jump.

“So tell me,” Mildred asked after a short while, “do you like what you see?”

You almost said no. Just to tempt her, just because you could and being cruel was so easy and felt so good. You almost said you would disappear again and change your name so she could never find you. Because deep down you knew that if you really, really tried, you would forget her. Only be reminded of her face once in a while in the middle of a crowd or in a poem.

But did you want that?

You pursed your lips to hold back the word “no”. Mildred would have looked confident enough had it not been for the flicker of nervousness in her eyes. They were so dark, her eyes, they sometimes reminded you of a big cat, crouching in tall grass, silent, body taut, ready to jump on its prey.

She had jumped. And you had run away. But now she was jumping again, and this time, you had seen her coming. And you let her claws sink into your flesh.

You shifted on your seat with a low noise of anger at yourself, glanced up at her and blurted out moodily, “Yes.”

Victory shone in Mildred’s eyes. A smile danced across her lips. She leaned towards you, hands coming up to rest on the table with her nails digging into the wood, her gaze so intense, so wild, and when her lips parted to say something you slipped one hand around her right wrist, pushed back your chair so you could lean across the table, and kissed her.

It was a quick, angry kiss, pulling away before it really had time to start. Mildred blinked in surprise. You scowled at her, your mouth a tight, angry line. Your hand clutched her wrist to prevent her from moving.

“Yes,” you repeated.

A smile. Soft, nervous, hopeful.

“Am I forgiven?” she asked.

“No,” you growled, eyes riveted to her lips. “You’ll have to make it up to me, times and times again.”

Mildred’s lips curled up.

“Oh,” she breathed, “I can live with that.”

[hufflautia]

Are you in love with me?

This can’t be happening, Slytherin thinks as he approaches her slowly. I shouldn’t have run out of the room. He can talk to other girls if he wants to, it doesn’t matter to me. 

Her anger dissolves into something else. It is another feeling—one that she’s afraid to address. 

A thought breaks free from the confines of her stubborn heart. 

But it does.  

Hufflepuff lifts his hand to caress her cheek, effectively making her mind go blank. 

“Are you in love with me,” he asks softly.  

Slytherin swallows with difficulty, her heart pounding. He’s so close she can make out the tiny speckles in his earthy brown irises. “No.” 

There’s a moment in which they stand there in silence, and the universe holds its breath. It exhales when Hufflepuff leans in and kisses her so sweetly that she is left dazed after they pull apart. She doesn’t remember tangling her fingers into his hair nor can she recall the moment he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer as their lips moved in unison. 

His gaze lingers on her parted lips. 

“Are you in love with me now?”  

Slytherin lets out a small laugh, and he revels in the warmth of her breath brushing against his skin.  

“Not yet,” she murmurs, her cheeks kissed with a tint of rosy pink. “Ask me again tomorrow.”   

A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “I’ll put it at the top of my to-do list.” 

She hums happily. “And you?” she muses. “Are you in love with me?”  

“I’ll have to think about it.” He gives her a grin, one so warm and utterly Hufflepuff-like that she feels as though she will melt in his arms. “I suppose you’ll have to ask me again tomorrow. Until then, I’m gonna kiss you.”

Hufflepuff smirks when she raises her eyebrows, slightly taken aback by his bluntness. 

“You know,” he tilts her chin up, “for decision-making purposes.” 

Her heartbeat quickens. 

Fin. 

~

MASTERLIST (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง << Sometimes you can’t see the embedded link because tumblr is built different. If it doesn’t work, go to my main page; the masterlist is pinned.

This ficlet is inspired by Chapter Three of Happy Birthday by Ohhhmyloki. 

Author’s note: This may be the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever written. Hope you enjoyed! Comments and reblogs are appreciated. 

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[m-y-fandoms]

Blood on Our Stage - Vampire Nagito Komaeda x Human Female Reader -Part 1 (Slight/Platonic Female Reader x Hajime Hinata)

So, this is an old fic I updated to fit these characters because I want to continue it :)

NEEDED CONTEXT FOR THIS AU: Hajime and Nagito are step brothers, (Y/N)/Reader is a human, Hajime and Nagito are vampires, and Hajime did indeed get into the Main Course at Hope’s Peak, for acting.

The paycheck… It's all about the paycheck...

   You took a deep breath, reassuring yourself for what seemed like the hundredth time that year… or that hour.

Smile, s-smile. Breathe, lean into him. It has to look real, (Y/N). God… it’s a whole new level of crackhead when you stutter to yourself in your thoughts.

 Dissociate. 

What are we having for dinner? How many more steps ‘til that damn egg hatches? If it’s another fucking Diglett I swear I’ll go apeshit. 

You shifted to your right, the most forced of grins creeping onto your cosmetic-plastered face. You let your head fall onto Hajime’s shoulder. Convincing right? Touching is convincing. Random gentle displays of affection are convincing... 

By this time, you were nearly blind from the flash of some fifty or so cameras in your face, anyway, so why not just pretend that the photographers and press were blind as well?

  Why not, why not?

 You pretended in every other aspect of your life.

"Isn't that right, (Y/N)?" Hajime’s voice shook you out of your trance, and you turned your head, letting go of his arm, which you had grabbed out of habit. His sparklingly white teeth - sharper than the average man's - gleamed down at you, and you felt that usual pang of fear run down your spine and chill your bones. Even attached to the gums of the sweetest boy on earth, you’d never get used to the sight.

It's all a show, (Y/N), a game. Pretend. "Fangs for the fans, and all that" 

How long would that farce last until people started to realize?

  What had Hajime said earlier that month? You retreated into yourself, thinking deeply, trying desperately to calm the anxiety that rose with at the sight of his flesh-tearing canines...

   _______________________________________________________________

"I can bare my fangs at interviews, photoshoots… you know, when the paparazzi are around. It’s what my dad wants,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Don't worry about it, (Y/N). Honestly, you freak out over the silliest things sometimes.” He ruffled your hair. “It will look like I'm dedicated to the role, or something like that… whatever. People will love it, trust me."

      ___________________________________________________________

But you never could. How could you? A monster with a secret, stupidly displaying that secret openly to the world? No… trusting meant removing little stones from that carefully built wall, which sub-sequentially meant getting hurt, and not just emotionally. You recited this mantra to yourself almost routinely; something you’d picked up from someone very close to your heart. Isn’t it funny how we steal little bits of personality from those we love most?

You knew Hajime just followed whatever his father commanded, that he’d do anything to feel like he mattered, that people cared. He’d done all this: the acting lessons, depending on daddy’s money, the unless studying and promoting himself, just to get into that stupid school and kickstart his illustrious career.

"Isn't that right, (Y/N)??" Hajime tenderly brought his hand up, stroking your shoulder awkwardly. The clench in his jaw, however, wasn't friendly at all. You couldn’t really blame him, though. He was doing it for your sake, after all. You had to get through this, and he knew he had to pull you through; everything depended on it.

How could this flock of idiots not tell the “chemistry” was forced???

"Uh… o-of course! Yeah!" You smiled, a fake chuckle escaping your lips, and the crowd of reporters and internet journalists roared in front of you. Of course they did… wasn't everything the disciplined and people-pleasing boy beside you said fucking hilarious? You sighed, returning your gaze to the mass of people below you as you and your leading man sat raised on a platform behind a pretentiously high table.

    Just let Hajime handle all the questions, you thought to yourself indifferently. You always did. They rarely directed them at you specifically, anyway. So much for your dream: to stun the world as an independent starlet, a crimson-hot femme fatale. It was always ‘Hinata Hajime’s doe-eyed leading lady!’, ‘Hajime’s little love interest!’, never ‘(Y/N) (L/N)... featuring Hajime Hinata!’ But... you were famous, and with no little chunk of change to boot… you should’ve been thankful… right?

So why weren’t you…?

  Your eyes scanned the faces before you, and you realized that you hadn't… really looked at them until now. Yes, the usual prolific online bloggers and huge theatre junkies were there, and Mr. Hinata of course. He wouldn't miss out on one of his company’s press meetings for the world, especially with his money-making beloved son in the spotlight. He was so anal, how could anything possibly go off without a hitch unless he was there?

You wondered if the girl next to him knew he was a ravenous monster as well, but thought better of it. Of course, she didn't know. You shouldn't have even known. But you did, and it plagued you every day of your life.

  Fuck... you just wanted to go back to your room and overthink in peace. It was embarrassingly uncomfortable to do so in public

Mr. Hinata sat sternly upright, with his polished, slick hair, in his polished, slick shoes and extravagantly tailored navy suit, his secretary at his side, brushing his hand unnoticeably between the chairs. His wife would never care, anyway. To their right sat a rosy-cheeked intern, spunky and full of character. Holding a clipboard between perfectly painted nails, the only thing that spoke louder than her bright smile was her neon miniskirt. She must not have known, either. No human simply knew, and still managed to look that innocent and lively. The PR girls loved press conferences, and each new show only yielded fresh publicity. This most recent show, set to premiere the following night, was a tale of romance: A vampire lord and his human lover: a medieval era period piece. Of course, for this reason, Hajime did nothing to hide his all-too-real fangs. 

You loved a good historical romance, and loved being in one even more. It had always been your goal as a starting actress to take the lead in at least one period play, be it Victorian, colonial, medieval.. but... it had not turned out quite the way you planned...

   A few other members of the Hinata family accompanied their revered head of  the household… or was it head of the clan… coven? Whatever, it was expected. The murderous bloodsuckers always clung to their leader’s side, and could always be found lurking around Hinata’s estate, if they weren’t already crammed up his ass looking for approval.

A flash came from the reporter to the left, directly into your vision, and left you dazed.

 Fuck… you seethed internally. Calm down. Calm down. The paycheck. That's it. This is almost over, anyway. Why did you always find yourself spacing out at the worst possible times? You acknowledged that it was how your body coped with the overwhelming urge to break down, but damn if it wasn’t inconvenient at the minute. Nothing screamed ‘I have something to hide’ like acting shady in front of a hundred people…

You leaned into Hajime again. Sell the relationship. Sell the love.

You exhaled in exhaustion. It wasn’t that you didn’t love Hajime… you did, just, not like this. Never like this. Lying to millions of fans and the press, pretending Hajime was anything other than a brother-like figure to you just to line his father’s pockets, tore you apart more than keeping his immortality a secret. Denying you both a chance at real love for fear of scandal… you were sure that there was no phrase you’d ever grow to hate more than “The Hinata Theatre Company!” Ironic, wasn’t it, that at one point in time, you begged to be here?

You found that scoping out a crowd lowered the anxiety you had about actually being in front of them. It's funny, many people asked how you could possibly be afraid of crowds or public speaking when you were a damn Broadway-level star. Your answer was always the same: your rush of adrenaline and passion for theatre got you through a show, but anywhere else but on that stage, and a crowd turned your mind to jelly. It was different… walking out for a performance tamed the butterflies that flew around inside your stomach.

  Of course, there was always the fact that your boss could tear you apart at a moment’s notice that contributed to the anxiety, but you obviously couldn't share that little bit of information with anyone. It was all so hard to process, that this kind young man beside you could be something so fearsome, that your whole life was a public sham. You’d never forget the day you’d found out… how it changed everything. You shouldn’t have to be afraid of your best friend, you just shouldn’t. But how could you ever truly trust him again?

Your eyes bounced once, twice around the room.

  ...No

   You gasped, breath catching in your throat as your eyes caught on something that caused you to jump slightly in your seat.

"You ok?" Hajime whispered, the crowd going noticeably silent for a moment. Mr. Hinata glared in your direction. A silent warning, reminding you that even one wrong move made his company look bad, and that would not end so well for you. That was the shining aspect of Hajime’s personality, that he was nothing like his father.

"Yeah, y-yeah," you spoke airily, cheeks heating. "I just slipped to the edge of my seat a little, almost fell!" You lied timidly, a small laugh.

They'll eat that shit up. Soft-spoken, innocent, clumsy girls are all the rage! Of course, Hajime picked up on the lie immediately, catching the change in tone, the skipping of your heartbeat. Being an immortal freak had its perks.

The bright-eyed boy beside you patted your arm, the crowd chuckling politely before returning to their bombardment of questions.

Your eyes flew back to the corner of the room, back to the object that had you startled in the first place. You tried to tell yourself you’d imagined it, but there was no mistake,

 It was him...

 Standing there in the entranceway, so dimly lit, he hid in the alcove. There was no mistaking his favorite jacket, the fabric ripped and weathered from use. There was no mistaking the intricate, almost root-like pale green veins which spiraled up his arms, told a story across his milky collarbone, tumbled down his wrists, and made him all the more intimidating. Intoxicating. There was no mistaking that full head of tousled hair, brightly standing out even in the meager lighting in that disregarded corner of the room, messy whisps branching out dangerously; an air of nonchalance and bored irreverence. Smug bastard…

And there was absolutely no mistaking the way those bright eyes illuminated his white skin in contrast, a frightening and ethereal glow shooting off of him in waves. Hajime’s chestnut-brown eyes never mimicked that terrifying iridescence, but then again, Hajime never took his life-sustaining drink from a human host. Your hands began to subconsciously shake. From fear or the itching desire to… you didn’t know, throw your arms around him, touch his cheek just once... ? You never knew with him. He was a wild thing, a beast untamable. But why the hell was he here?

Carelessly he leaned against the door frame. His tongue shot out predatorily, running along his lower lip in one fluid motion. His knuckles raised, brushing against the green of his coat and coming up to scratch the side of his face.

❘ What are you doing here?! ❘ You sent your thoughts out in waves so loud you might as well have been screaming. You knew immediately that he had taken them in, absorbing your mental cursing and inner toil like sun rays. It was a power and privilege only those of his kind who were purebred enjoyed.

He did not answer, but merely tilted his head, the corner of his lip rising in that maddening grin he always threw at you. An impish smirk hiding mischief and chaotic intentions, you were sure.

You knew it would be mere moments ‘til your flawless "boyfriend" beside you noticed his presence as well, and you feared what might become of this night that was supposed to be of celebration. Almost as if on cue, Hajime’s words halted to a stop. That evil smirk only widened, a small snort shaking the intruder’s chest.

"Nagito..." Hajime murmured through clenched teeth, his hand shooting down to grab your wrist. "He's here."

  "I know..." your words shook, just loud enough for any non-human in the room to hear. Now it was time for you to be Hajime’s rock. Nagito's head bobbed, looking down at his old ripped jeans, and you saw Mr. Hinata's eye twitch before you, his vampiric hearing triggered immediately upon hearing your quiet exchange with Hajime.

Mr. Hinata followed your eyes to the back of the room, his fiery glare landing on the face of his eldest and only step-son in the shadows.

Was it too late to run back into the dressing room and never come out?

You could feel the tension in the air, a line of electricity connecting the three vampires like mental twine, ready to break at any moment. It was like watching three animals square off, sizing up their threat on a National Geographic documentary. The other Hinata coven members, all also fierce bloodsuckers in their own right, merely sat forward politely, sensing Nagito's aura but knowing better than to give him the time of day. After all, alerting the press to his presence would certainly not be a wise way to stay on Mr. Hinata’s good side.

  No one outside of the family even knew about the existence of the elder brother. He was an embarrassment, a stain on Mr. Hinata’s designer tie. In the packed room, he looked so out of place, with dark, torn clothes in a sea of try-hard collared shirts and dresses. Sure, everyone who was anyone in the media world had turned up for this interview, and would also return for the opening night the next day, but everyone who was anyone never included Nagito. He made sure of that. He just had to stick out, be different, didn’t he? Even among a bunch of immortal freaks, boy… was he a freak. 

Oh no, mommy remarried some rich man then got herself killed, better act like a little ungrateful little prick. Woe is me, I have super good luck that is sometimes super bad! No one understands me!!!

He sickened you, the way he did his best to destroy what he and Hajime’s family had built, all in the name of his backwards and twisted idea of “hope.” As if he didn't live like a prince because of the Hinatas’ hard work. Don’t get it twisted, you hated Mr. Hinata and would love to see the Hinata empire burn, but this company, the desire to be recognized and worth something, was all that held dear Hajime up. It was his only dream, and he deserved it. Nagito didn’t have a right to tear Mr. Hinata down if he had to wreck Hajime to do it.

     He disgusted you, you’d decided months back, to make it all easier on yourself. Everything he’d done, the trouble he’d caused, the hurt he’d caused so many people. Routinely, you reinforced to yourself that you hated Nagito Komaeda

   ...You were disgusted by the way you… just... couldn’t hate him. It didn’t feel right. Something felt… wrong in hating him.

  Your heart lurched, meeting his eyes again.

Why not? Why not just hate him, (Y/N)? Like everyone else…

Why was it so hard? You were supposed to be with Hajime. And Hajime hated Nagito. Everyone who knew Nagito hated Nagito. But… telling yourself you were anything but infatuated with that dangerous creature… was a lie. You owed everything, good and bad, to that feral, insane man.

Your nerves and the hairs on your arms pricked up like an agitated cat. Why why why? Why would he even do this? He knew what showing up here would start. He was born to start shit, to brew altercation, to cook up conflict. Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt? Perhaps he finally came to an event to support his darling step-brother, but the way he bore his fangs when his eyes met Hajime’s said otherwise.

❘ Leave. Just Leave. You're just here to antagonize me and I won't let you be a problem. Not today. This is my day… ❘ Hajime spat mentally, and his thoughts burned through your own and, you're sure, Nagito’s.

❘ Aren’t all the days yours, Your Majesty? ❘ Nagito’s thoughts were more severe, yet more playful, taunting, careless, a venomous snarl behind every synapse pulse.

❘ ...Leave. ❘ Hajime pulsed back in warning.

❘ ....Or what? ❘ Nagito’s own ominous threat reverberated through your cranium. You pressed a hand to your temple, an angry, stinging sensation pulsating through your head. Having a vampire read one’s mind was uncomfortable enough: feeling the slight probing and perhaps needing an aspirin after, but being the third line in a purebred pissing match… it was a call you desperately wanted to hang up on. But.. humans didn’t naturally hear a vampire’s thoughts on accident. No, you were hearing this conversation because you were meant to, someone wanted you to. You had no powers of your own, but Nagito kept you trapped in this nonverbal battle, strung up betwixt two immortal minds. You brought the back of your free hand up to your nose, wiping away a stripe of red vitality that began to flow from both nostrils. The panging inside, the angry shouting in your mind only got louder.

[enigmasandepiphanies]

Cartography and Claustrophobic Cages

On good nights, I can think of the future without flinching as if I have crushed the stars of fortune and constellations of fate as if I learned cartography before I learned to dream. The map of the future is planned and scaled, pinned with rusted rose gold push pins on the corkboard of my heart. 

When I am a cluttered mess, I look at it, admiring the aesthetic of what I want to do with this life, the map reflects in my eyes, the light and dark academia, artistic vibes in the language of 0′s and 1′s, the ordered bullet list of the goals I want to accomplish, the relationships I want to nurture, the stories I want to knit and the person I want to be. It all exists in the chambers of my heart, a continuously moving hologram, a work in progress, weaving in soft-spins, the objectives of my existence like caterpillar silk.

On bad nights, I don’t know what I want, I don’t understand the purpose of my existence so I do something that every great cartographer does, look at other maps, look at the lives of other people. Read the works of the greatest professors, look up how society tells me to act. 

This research gears my heart into overdrive. I am breathless yet still breathing, adrenaline rushing yet the melatonin still flowing in my veins like a silent sea. 

I am contained and uncontained at the same time. They say the best way to cage a person is to never tell them they are in a cage but what if you are drifting in and out of the conscious, aware and unaware at the same time that how claustrophobic cages are. The society has developed a cage called normality and I am stuck in it, it is a for-else loop with hypnosis. I am ensnared in it so deep that I forget its a cage and I try to make the snare my world. 

Here are five nominal signs of normality:

Using Times New Roman with 12 pt to justify your academic excellence because did your teachers not teach you this?

An academic degree from a reputed college is equally proportionate to a purpose in life. 

Art is defined, use the trend, is it pastels or watercolors? Characters or Landscapes? Abstract or Realistic? Do what looks good look on college applications.

Accept that equality and human rights are mad and lunatic ideas, where is the superiority, the hierarchy? The power of domination? I am not sure you are normal.

File down your sexuality to be acceptable. We accept you because we have no choice its an amended right supposedly. So living is the right you get in public but in private, it is a terrible terrible sin. 

To learn more about societal normality, subscribe to our daily infotainment. 

My subscription expired when I saw the world in its rosy-fingered and saffron-robed dawns. I saw how clouds are epitaphs of wine-dark seas and how humans breed hypocrisy more than they breed hatred.  So, I stuck out like a sore thumb, a smeared lipstick, an empty perfume bottle and suddenly “I was different”. 

But, remember how the best way is to keep someone in a cage is to not tell them. I was in the cage of yet another societal construct.

They said, “I was different and it was a gift,” I believed it. It was “more unique and fun”, “more original” but being different is such a cliche, it is in every other book and every other movie because normality does not get you consumerism and content. However, I have a bad habit of wearing my heart on sleeves for cliches. Every sunset, fairy lights, pastels, garden gnomes and bonfires, lyrics in diaries, overworn winter clothes, bad art, and words that roll my tongue made me different.

I carried the weight of being different, I became so good at carrying the weight of being different but it seemed like everyone was trying to fit in the molds of normality and still trying to be different. I saw the cage and I planned the prison-break because being different infiltrates heroism into you according to American mass entertainment. 

So, I decided to be conscious. I tried so fucking hard to be conscious, to break out of the cage of what people think, and to stop worrying about what the professors tell me about my own damn map. 

I like to think that the jailbreak was a success. When I came out, I looked at the mirror, tattered and bruised with cuts and dried icky blood and I saw myself. "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear." The mirror mocks.  

I slowly healed from the prison trauma and I fell in love with poetry because poetry never judged me for healing wrong. 

But the map of the future does not exist anymore because are we even sure the future will exist from now on? It has been a bad night for a long time, I guess.

Now, I am no longer normal and no longer different,  I am just existing. I keep on existing in a million different agonies.  In a tattered ruin of this world, I exist. Even though my bed is a casket on days, I exist. I exist even when my heart refuses to stop spinning silky dreams. I exist now. I don’t care about normal and different anymore because I am simply focused on existing. I exist. I am. I am. I am. 

But do I really not care about what people think? Ha, I fooled you. I am a hypocrite. HUMANITY BREEDS HYPOCRISY. 

In another lifetime, I may be a cloud scribbling an epitaph of a wine-dark sea. In this lifetime, I am human. I am. I am. I am. ~ //”Cartography and Claustrophobic Cages”// enigma

[aion-rsa]

Insidious: Is The Further Real?

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“The Further is a world far beyond our own, yet it’s all around us, a place without time as we know it,” Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye) explains in the 2011 occult horror film Insidious. “It’s a dark realm filled with the tortured souls of the dead, a place not meant for the living.” Director James Wan saw the astral world through the eyes of fear. It was how he was able to evoke the most terror from the nether regions of soul and thought.

Horror films have made a spiritual ghetto out of the universe which lies between dream, sleep and death. They focus on the malevolent realm of incubi, succubae and the Red-Lipstick-Face Demon. The map to the Further is not limited to shadowy studies. Many mystical practices are divided into black and white magic out of fear and superstition, but there can be room for both.

Insidious starts off like a fairly typical haunted house movie. It opens shortly after Renai (Rose Byrne) and Josh Lambert (Patrick Wilson) move into a spooky new house with their three children. When the property progresses from ominous to hazardous, the family move into an even spookier house, fire their real estate broker, and contact an astral travel agent. The psychically gifted supernatural expert, Shaye’s Elise, explains the hauntings are not a feature of the multiple houses, but the results of a family member embarking on nocturnal astral projection missions which he believes are dreams.

The concept that the soul can leave the body during dream states is ancient. But for all the purported cosmic intelligence culled from out-of-body incidents, practitioners have found no way to scientifically measure if a spirit leaves or enters a body. It is a concept rejected by scientists but beloved by filmmakers and other artists.

In the film, the first person to put the notes together is Renai, the mother of young Dalton (Ty Simpkins), who falls into a mysterious coma early in the first act. Renai, who is a songwriter, experiences two initial contacts. The first comes in a box of missing sheet music. Musicians have always been pioneers when it comes to gray areas of society and spirituality, and rockers chose to embrace the Further. George Harrison melodically rhapsodizes about the extracorporeal aspects of certain Hindu practices in the Beatles’ song “The Inner Light.” The Moody Blues harmonize on the idea that “Thinking is the best way to travel” on their 1968 album In Search of the Lost Chord, itself a musical blueprint for transcendental journeying. Through sonics, these artists ventured happily into the transformative aspects of the Further. Among true believers, “the Further” is also called Liṅga Śarīra, Akasha, and prana. But it’s probably best known as the astral plane, a shallow tag in itself.

“The term ‘astral plane’ is a poetic description, at best, or more accurately a misnomer,” says Zeena, a Tibetan tantric Buddhist yogini, and iconic occult authority and artist. “When our consciousness pierces the veil of our ordinary, everyday scope of perception, there are infinite other realities one might experience, not just one ‘astral plane.’”

In Insidious, the paranormal hunting psychic Elise explains that Dalton is a “traveler,” who was born with the ability to pierce that veil.

“Everybody possesses the potential for astral projection,” Zeena says. “It’s a natural part of being human, just as many other metaphysical or paranormal experiences can naturally occur. But the ability to actualize it is relatively rare, and the effects from the occurrences vary greatly depending on many factors.”

Rebecca Halladay, an occult writer, scholar, and lifelong practitioner and witch, describes astral projection as “working on the Inner Planes of consciousness. In terms of ‘dimensions,’ this would be considered [fifth-dimensional] or above. Journeying is work within the physical, Earthly realm, which is [three-dimensional].”

Certain practices are believed to bridge these dimensions.

“Astral projection during deep states of unconsciousness like sleeping, fainting, or coma, could be achieved by a master of such techniques,” Zeena says. “For one who’s trained most of their life in the esoteric method of willed astral projection, and has become highly skilled in the ability to focus the mind under all circumstances, then deep states of unconsciousness wouldn’t impede their ability.”

The cinematic spiritualist doesn’t believe Dalton fell into a coma because he slipped off a ladder in a creepy attic. Elise believes the boy, being only a child, couldn’t tell the astral projection from a dream and had no fear about going too far.

“The Further looks like your surroundings, but a different lighting shade of it,” says Emi Rose, a psychotherapist and founder of Paragon Solstice. “You can see yourself.”

Rose finds that “Insidious depicts the astral plane in similar levels. It is similar in respect to the idea of a ‘physical’ mirror image of your waking life. Your surroundings around you as you sleep are remarkably similar. The difference is the state of consciousness you are now in can shape and change that experience that exists out of time and space.”

Because of the familiarity and relative comfort of these projected surroundings, Dalton gets lost in his adventures, leaving only a lifeless body behind. Elise, a veteran soul-traveler herself in the movie, is ever mindful of the dangers.

It all amounts to a very literal translation of eastern philosophical contemplations. The Buddhist meditation practice Maraṇasati is constant remembering that death can strike at any time. Thukdam is a Buddhist phenomenon in which a realized master’s consciousness remains in the body despite physical death. While this isn’t what is happening with the young Dalton, he is plugged into medical sensors which, during at least one frightening pop-up, flatline.

Practitioners and researchers are divided on whether it is possible to slip away and die during astral travel.

“There is a risk that could happen if done incorrectly,” Zeena tells us. Kristna Saikia, who is a metaphysics and meditation teacher and filmmaker, as well as a fellow astral travel facilitator, disagrees.

“No one dies in Astral travel,” Saikia says “There is a silver cord which is always connected with our etheric body. When you astral travel, you are always aware of what is happening in the earthly dimension with your body. It’s an intentional out-of-body experience. You can come back to your physical body whenever you decide.”

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In Wan’s film, tormented souls vie against demonic forces for the chance to possess Dalton. Possession is a horror film mainstay, and Insidious offers an interesting alternative arc to the usual spectral evictions enforced by Hollywood. But is it possible for an entity to take over a body during an astral trip?

“If done incorrectly, yes,” Zeena tells us. It is also something which can be done with intent. “In ceremonial magic, this is the entire purpose of entering the Inner Planes,” says Halladay. “During the Rite of Isis, the Priestess goes into the Inner Planes to invoke the Goddess Isis to bring her into the Earthly realm. Now can an entity ‘possess’ a physical being while on the planes? I would have to say it is absolutely possible.”

It turns out Dalton isn’t the only traveler in the Insidious family. He gets it from his father, who was terrorized by the spirit of an old woman during his childhood. Josh suppressed the memory, but Elise opens old wounds and new ones for the patriarch. She hypnotizes Josh, triggering his long-resting phantasmal dislocation, and sends him into the Further to find his son and bring him back.

Zeena confirms people can be guided through the experience, but insists “it’s a very delicate process requiring a qualified teacher from reputable metaphysical lineages that specialize in that. And even then, astral projection, or directing one’s consciousness, is not the main goal, but rather a way to gauge preparedness for more advanced training on the path toward spiritual enlightenment. When done improperly, the results of attempting astral projection simply for experimentation, entertainment, or curiosity can be disastrous.”

The film presents a cinematically dark alternative to the physical plane, a netherworld of unlocked doors and an overarching feeling of dread. Insidious doesn’t imply the Further is Hell, but it does look like one of the many highways AC/DC bypassed.

“They gave the darker energies too much power in the movie,” says Emi Rose. “In the astral plane, we always have a balanced choice to engage on a subconscious or conscious level. On a conscious level you can power your will, create scenarios.”

Josh’s first encounter in the Further is with the Crying Woman, not the most inviting of hosts. Citizens in Insidious’ cinematic spectral realm include the spirits of a family doomed to relive their violent deaths on a spectral loop; a long-haired, leather jacketed ghoul with a sex-fiend tongue; and a mischievous little boy. At its center is the Lipstick-Face Demon. It is tall with horns, pointed ears, snake-eyes, spidery fingers, and hooves for feet. Its skin is black as the night sky, its eyes are blacker holes.

“When one has a mind-expanding experience through any number of means, whether astral projection, meditation, or psychedelics, one encounters infinite types of beings,” Zeena says. “Recently deceased beings; beings we knew in a former incarnation but recognize in their new reincarnated state; celestial beings; demons and hell beings; mythological or magical beings; Buddhas and Bodhisattvas; Gods and demigods.” They’re all among the usual suspects.

But what you encounter is also contingent on who you call. “It all depends on the law of polarity,” Saikia says. “If you project fear, you will encounter energy vampires and evil entities.”

Halladay agrees that there are other entities in the astral planes, but says “I have never personally met other travelers, only those I have astralled with.”

The Red-Faced Demon never speaks in the film. It has, however, spoken with Josh’s mother, Lorraine (Barbara Hershey), in her dreams, which also appear to be of a special class: lucid dreaming.

“Astral traveling is a combination of Insidious and Inception,” quips Emi Rose. Inception is technically about lucid dreaming, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Dom is technically-aided to enter dreams to steal information or implant ideas. It is often mistaken for astral travel, but not usually weaponized in the way that film presents it. Reddit’s rogue “Astral Army” community claims they combine astral travel and remote viewing to post out-of-body surveillance reports on popular conspiracy theory obsessions like Area 51.

The different practices are often mistakenly considered interchangeable, but are quite different. 

“With astral projection, one is sending one’s consciousness–either in part or fully–away from their body to a designated place or realm, in this world or others, for a particular purpose,” Zeena explains. “Remote viewing is when consciousness remains in the body but one can view anywhere else from afar. These two phenomena are also different from the involuntary experience colloquially known as OBE (out of body experiences), which usually spontaneously occurs in conjunction with trauma, near death experiences, or extreme stressors or ecstasy.”

In the overall arc of the Insidious franchise, the Further is much vaster than originally imagined, and the source and tool of mystical workings.

“There is a difference between Occultist practices and some, though not all, Esoteric Traditions,” says Halladay. “Occultists, past and present, generally accept astral projection as a regular part of their practice. Eurocentric pagan traditions do not make it a part of their regular practice.”

Though a fan of the film, Rose thought “Insidious focused too much on the shadow side of the astral plane. The movie portrayed the astral world as a scary dark place with only negative entities waiting to take over your body. So many more things occur in our dream world that we can conceive beyond bad scenarios. It is where we can conduct unfinished business, live out fantasies, replay or create scenarios, and travel to places we cannot do in our waking life.”

Late 18th century occult orders Golden Dawn and the Theosophists believed they could journey to other worlds, heavens and hells, and astrological spheres through etheric travel. In the 1999 book, Astral Dynamics, Robert Bruce calls it the “Real Time Zone,” and says it is the non-physical dimension-level closest to the physical. The New Age movement actively promotes the brighter, more enlightening aspects of the Further, to the point where the practice is on the precipice of mainstream thought.

Insidious isn’t the first film to venture beyond physical realms, but its ongoing franchise is proof the inner universe is expanding.

Insidious is streaming on Netflix now.

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[reijiroryoko177]

BNHA Sona: Rosie Redmund

Nickname/s: Rose, Rosebud, Red, Strawberry, Cherry Pie 

Age: 25

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Height: 5’7”

Parents: Thorn (Deceased) Mystique (Alive)

Likes: Flowers and aesthetically pleasing music

Dislikes: Dark subjects and yelling

Appearance: Average weight, stocky shoulders, short bright red orange hair, freckled cheeks, hazel eyes, skinny arms, and small hands. She normally wears a comfy flannel shirt, jeans, and boots

Personality: Rosie puts up a tough act and a brave face, but she's actually very shy and jumpy. She doesn't want to be a pushover so she puts up a fake front to ward off people. She has severe anxiety and paranoia, which is the cause of her constant worry. Rosie is afraid to meet new people out of fear of them taking advantage of her shy quiet personality, thinking she is annoying, and getting hurt. When she's out in public, she takes isolated routes to where she needs to go and sometimes sits on top of buildings to think or sketch. Around friends or family, she is much braver and will immediately jump to defend if they are threatened. But say she meets a pro hero like All Might, she will become extremely nervous and her face will flush pure red while talking in a soft tone of voice with her head bowed. But when it comes to villains, she will attack with full force. She holds a seething hatred for villains because of her father's death. Rosie's way of calming herself down from an anxiety attack, panic attack, depression episode, or sudden burst of anger, is to just sit or lie down, put on her old headphones, and play her favorite music.

Quirks: She has the ability to make her arms shift into vine like appendages dotted with deathly sharp thorns that can stretch to grab a hold of or strike enemies. She can also use this stretching ability to climb. These thorns can sprout on any part of her body to defend herself from punches or kicks. (She received this Quirk from Thorn) Red roses sprout on her arms which she uses to heal. She only has to pluck them off, crush the blossom in her fist, and sprinkle the powder onto someone’s or her own wounds. The flower can also be eaten if preferred. (She received this Quirk from Mystique) (Fact: It does hurt when she has to pluck a rose off, similar to the feeling of being jabbed by a needle) When she cries, say her tears land in a patch of grass. Bright red roses will grow where they landed.

(TRIGGER WARNING!!!!)

History: Rosie was once a hyper, upbeat, and optimistic girl that lived with her parents, Thorn and Mystique, two fairly famous heroes. Thorn would take down villains with his plant-like ability while Mystique would heal wounded heroes and citizens with her healing mist. Rosie wanted to be like them both, to be a hero and save lives. But her personality and courage shattered completely when Thorn was killed by a villain while protecting a group of hostages. She became extremely withdrawn from others and her dream of becoming a hero was wiped clean from her goals. Instead of a hero, she wanted to be an artist. Mystique, also being severely affected by Thorn's death, retired from being a hero. She became a nurse and remarried to a man that treated Rosie differently from his son from a previous marriage, praising him while belittling her. Mystique wanted Rosie to become something more productive than an artist, like a doctor, a designer, a teacher for the academy, or something that she wants. Rosie has no interest in becoming any of those and still pursues her path of becoming an artist. Rarely, she thinks of becoming a hero, but the memory of Thorn's death always flashes in her mind, making her force out the idea of being a hero. Part of her blames herself for her father's death, and she will sometimes pluck roses from her arms as what she believes is a way of “punishing” herself. Unfortunately, the constant plucking has given her a myriad of oddly shaped scars along her arms. As of now she is living in a small apartment and delivers pizza to receive enough money to pay her rent. She rarely ever encounters villains while out on her walks, but when she does, they're left bruised and bloody while she leaves them with shredded clothes and wounds of her own, along with a stabbing pain and hatred in her heart.

Headcannons:

1. Rosie will always be the one to shield anyone she cares about from attacks, no matter how hurt she gets or how many times she’s scolded for it

2. When she’s alone, Rosie will sing her heart out as if she’s on stage (Ironically she actually has stage fright)

3. Rosie will leave food and water out for any stray dogs and/or cats living on the streets

4. She secretly has an All Might plush doll hidden in her closet (She keeps it hidden because she’s embarrassed about having it)

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON NIGHTMARE’S MAIN DANCE CHAE HANI...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: 20 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 13-15 (msg). 16 (koala.t) COMPANY: Koala.T SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): - japchae ; because it’s her favourite korean dish. - nini ; often used by those she trained with at MSG and Koala.T. - chaenerys targaryen ; she’s a big fan of game of thrones and is often said to resemble daenerys thanks to their blonde hair. INSPIRATION: her mother. there is no one else hani idolizes more than her dear mother, ever the proper, respected lady. SPECIAL TALENTS:

can spin around and around without getting dizzy

does a pretty identical impersonation of sailor moon

solves math equations quickly

NOTABLE FACTS:

attended the paris opera ballet school from eight to twelve years old

has a baby sister, kim nari, she mentions whenever she can

is never seen without her necklace of a crescent moon she got from her friends in paris

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

to put it simply, hani prioritizes the success of nightmare. she wants them to be recognized beyond the niche foundation they set up, although, she does thoroughly enjoy their sound and music. as for personal goals, she, too wants her name in lights by making a name for herself on variety shows and guestings.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

as much as she fought to be an idol, hani isn’t quite certain her future will remain in the industry. she wants the fame and glory, wants her name in neon lights, but it doesn’t have to be exclusive to being a celebrity. she has childish dreams of one day opening her own ballet company, hoping to train young hopefuls to maybe reach the status of principle dancer that she once dreamed of being.

IDOL IMAGE

( dream. ) once upon a time in a kingdom close to home lives a princess with hair crafted from the sun’s golden rays and a smile carved by the most cherubic of angels. and her name is chae hani. she has the soft, pretty face with a tender gaze and rosy cheeks that stun and captivate hearts when she isn’t dancing her way into souls—on camera, that is.

it’s an image on top of another image. layers upon layers. one moment, she’s exuding brightness and the next, when the melodies ricochet, hani is another person: a dark, twisted dancer that utilizes her group’s concept, makes the most of the lights, camera, action.

for hani, it’s almost too easy, acting sweet and generous on camera because she knows it works: fanservice. every word spoken is delicate and thoughtful, poetic and intimate. she charms viewers and fans with a sunny disposition, the girl-next-door that reacts in laughter. she’s easy to please and likeable, upbeat when she needs to be, when she’s hosting and interviewing, anything to satisfy the audience. she gazes at fans with all the attention and love, remembers their names and treats them like friends when they meet again. anything for the show.

when hani walks, she glides effortlessly beautiful, waving and making hearts out of fingers. acting cute, displaying aegyo whenever possible. anything to make fans happy. anything to make the public love her. and hani on-stage is ever the performer. ever the romantic dancer. she’s into the theatrics, a switch going off when the music starts and the fans screams. she’s intense and versatile, submerging herself in the dark, mystical concept nightmare is known for. and honing it with fixed glares, powerful twists and wicked lines.

she’s been trained by the finest to perfect the illusion. any illusion. her mother taught her how to master grace and elegance with a cunning smile at her disposal. her ballet instructors taught her how to embody any role given to her on-stage. how to be the white swan, pure and angelic one moment then the dark swan, moody and ferocious, the next.

( nightmare. ) is what she is. hani isn’t the dreamy princess rescued from a hundred year slumber, she’s the wicked sorceress who cursed and poisoned an apple. she’s does aegyo or heart fingers, but when she does in front of cameras, she bites back the bile.

everything caught in the public eye is a mere illusion. every loving smile, gander, flying kiss. it’s all a well-orchestrated ruse. a sham to get people to love her. hani cares about no happiness but her own, and she feeds off the attention, involuntary like breathing. and so very greedy. but no one thinks the radiant girl on television is anything of the sorts—perfect.

chae hani is the devil wears ballet slippers. she is calculating and manipulative, using others for her own personal gain and entertainment. it’s far cry different than what she embodies as nightmare’s hani, sugary sweet but packs a punch or a pirouette, in her case.

she is vindication in human form. anger in the shape of girl who once only knew how to love. but that girl is long gone now, destroyed by the one thing she trusted the most. and it shows when she dances with subtle rage, brooding intensity and passion, like nothing else matters. and she’s burning within; it shows in her eyes—they catch it with oohs and ahhs.

wildfire caged and destructive, hani is keen on leaving a trail of ashes in her wake until everyone knows nightmare—until everyone knows her name.

IDOL HISTORY

for as long as chae hani can remember, it has always been her and her mother. her father comes and goes then doesn’t return, barely weaving any memories to grow old with; maybe she’s too young to understand he has another family—too young to understand the complications of the relationship and the illegitimacy of her birth. her mother calls her father good for nothing under her breath, and hani starts believing he is. it’s she and her moher against the world.

young, foolish, hani believes in such a farce.

her mother is beauty and elegance personified. she carries herself with regality and grace. friendly smiles offered and returned with a shake of hands and kisses on cheeks. a business running. a floral boutique in paris, france. successful, formidable, intelligent, there is no one else hani wants to follow, to learn from, to idolize—no one else she wants to be. but her mother, susceptible to heartache, doesn’t want hani to experience the same path; hani must be better so no man will ever leave.

first, education. she learns addition, subtraction and multiplication before tying her shoes and looking both ways before crossing the street. then, dance. she learns grand jetes and pirouettes before pleases and thank yous, auditioning in a six month gruelling process at eight for the finest ballet academy in the world. hani aspires to make her mother proud until the ends of her ruby lips reach her sparkling eyes. hani prioritizes her mother’s happiness above her own. she’s tired of the tears she sheds. (but they don’t stop, and she becomes the shoulder she cries on.) the burden is too heavy for a child, but hani doesn’t mind the weight. strength lies in her mother (and it lies within her, too); hani sees it when she picks herself up and continues with her day, working twice as hard; they are all each other has.

yet every parent-teacher interview and recital, a stranger sits beside her mother. as hani grows older, she soon understands what a boyfriend is—what it means remains to be seen. they come with roses of sapphire but return her mother with tears streaming down her face and bruises on her arms and legs. it becomes harder to stand on her own two feet, so hani helps her, becomes her aid and support. the weight grows, but she’s stronger. with a kiss on her forehead and tissue to her eyes, she consoles her poor mother, giving her the strength she’s losing until she can smile peacefully in her sleep.

but as days ghost by, her mother becomes harder to please. she controls every facet of her life. she forces your nose in books, pointed toes in ballet slippers, filled any spares on the calendar with cram school, recitals, performances—away from doing music because she won’t be like that musician father of hers stuck crooning in bars—hani will be the epitome of a lady, prima ballerina. and it doesn’t stop there. what she wears, who she befriends or don’t, what she eats, how to spend time are decided by her. hani can only bend so much without breaking. and music becomes that escape.

when her mother wails, hani soothes the cacophony with sweet lullabies. she learns to hum and sing to herself while mastering développés late into midnight. it quiets the pain, dulls it enough so hani can smile because she can’t remember when she last time did. and she is on the verge of quitting ballet when trials are too difficult and cours leave her drained and battered, underweight and dehydrated. only fire remains but it’s fading. yet her mother wants her to continue and forget about her newfound dreams of melodies. she cites them as temporary and foolish, guilt tripping her to do her bidding. (“i thought you only want eomma to be happy. do you want me to hurt?”) of course she doesn’t; there’s nothing more she wants than her happiness, but what about hers?

life has stopped being fun when her mother snarls her disappointment in hani for not acing a test, landing the starring role in an important production with scouts from europe. (“you’re tired? don’t be so dramatic. you’re like your father. good for nothing.”) every fail hani is met with punishment. no food, no break, no rest until she’s perfect. all she has done for her mother is suddenly tossed out the window. forgotten. her entire life she wanted to be like her mother. now? she doesn’t know anymore. she prays for a diversion—something to distract her mother so she can focus on yourself, who she wants to be. it comes with a charming smile and phD.

the man is a highly respected plastic surgeon in korea with a boisterous laugh and plenty of crow’s feet. he loves her mother; hani can see it in the way he looks at her, like she’s the only one in the world. and she looks at him just the same. this is what hani wants, her mother’s attention off of her. yet her mother condemns by forfeiting her business to move back to seoul. (“i thought we don’t quit.” “ladies don’t talk back, hani-ah.”) and hani is tossed in a country she hasn’t been in since she was four. learning korean is like learning french because she speaks like a child at best, and that isn’t very lady-like.

but when she learns to bite down on syllables and decipher the strokes in hangul, the first thing hani does is audition for MSG for a sense of normalcy because she’s accustomed to the brutal trials of training, and not her mother ignoring her for her new husband. not like her mother appreciates her getting into music, though. hates it, reminds her too much of hani’s good for nothing father as she sings of catching shooting stars. it makes coming home unbearable. all hani does in her eyes is suddenly wrong, and she’s grossly disappointed in her.

trips home become scarce, and hani overworks herself day and night to prove her mother wrong—that she’s not good for nothing. nothing seems to work. her mother degrades her for settling to be an idol, ridicules the entire craft of it. there is no ounce of support. no sympathy when hani does return home exhausted.

training doesn’t break her. her mother does. she dismisses her, brushes her away when hani not once prioritized anything or anyone over her. when she needs her the most: her comfort, her love, her it’s okay even though meaningless. betrayal hits hard, and hani is angry, darkness in her eyes and uncontrollable heaves in her chest. the fire is back. not red but blue and blazing.

pushing herself to the limit is the only option. her coping mechanism. working to the grind until her sneakers are ripped at the soles and sweat drenches all her clothes. hani has to debut. in some unconventional way, it’s vengeance. (“look what i achieved.”) she won’t let anything or anyone tear her down; she’s not her mother—thankfully. but before cherry bomb’s debut is finalized, she collapses from exhaustion and awakens to her mother with a smug face. she pulled her out, cited her health as most important. if only that’s the case. while hani is devastated, her mother is happy. (“finally, you can quit the stupid dream of yours.”)

dropping out of MSG to heal only seems to shatter hani more. recovery is long days staring outside her bedroom window. her mother only visits to remind hani auditions for a ballet company are three months away. so much for her well-being. this is when her resolve thickens, this is when she realizes she only has herself, and she’ll do what it takes to make herself happy. the final argument with her mother is one for the ages, she grabs her belongings and talents, waltzing into koala.t’s arms after a series of tedious auditions. tempers clash at a record high, and they haven’t seen eye to eye since.

training at koala.t is more of the same blood, sweat and tears. is more of same competitive atmosphere, where only the strong survive and the weak get left behind. hani guarantees she won’t be abandoned again, guarantees she is in it to stay for the long run.

a waterfall ensues when she’s chosen for nightmare. the people hani step on scowls at her success. after years of hard work her time has come. congratulations come in tight embraces, touches of the head, kisses on the cheeks and nothing from her mother but a roll of her eyes, which is fine. being an idol is for hani, whether it’s what she truly wants or to simply spite her mother remains to be seen. nothing will stop hani from pushing herself to the limit, to succeed and rule. after all, her mother, as toxic and deranged as she is, taught hani all that she knows. it’s payback.

[burstbombbitch]

In-depth Character Sheet

Credit to Sir Ender at this writing forum. Reblog or repost. DO NOT remove credit. 

TAGGED BY: myself, bitch TAGGING: im just redoing this. here’s the comparison if you’re curious --- she’s changed a bit, actually! 

FULL NAME: Bonbon Rosalia Charbonneau MEANING: “Charcoal Chocolate”. Meant to refer to a nasty outside, but sweet inside. NICKNAME: Bon, Bonnie, BB, Bunny, Rosie, Rose. MEANING: She’s got way too many. AGE: 22. BIRTHDAY: December 5th. ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Sagittarius. GENDER: Cis Female. ALLERGIES: None. SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Pansexual / Panromantic. THEME SONG(S): Pop Star ⭐ How Far I’ll Go ⭐ Jump Up, Super Star!

APPEARANCE HAIR COLOR: Pastel pink, bordering on white. HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: Two lengthy tentacles trail down her back and near reach the ground, while a shorter pair rest down her shoulders. In the two baos atop her head are the back tentacles slightly bunned up to avoid contact with the ground. EYES COLOR: Lilac, with star-shaped pink pupils. HEIGHT: 4′1′‘ | 124.46 cm. WEIGHT: 69 lbs | 31.3 kg. OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: Lolita, essentially. Really girly and proper. Flashy. Catch her alone, though, and you’d be lucky she’s even wearing anything. DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): Bio-luminescent “freckles” all over her body. They have begun to take up a shape, mimicking the moon and stars. SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Lots. Usually winged eyeliner and scarlet eye-shadow. FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: Elegant, kind-hearted, caring. SKIN COLOR: Dark brown. BODY TYPE/BUILD: Pear-shaped. Large thighs, strong, long legs, and slightly toned biceps. DEFAULT EXPRESSION: A soft, dreamy smile with sleepy half-lidded eyes. POSTURE: Hands before her thighs, entwined with one another. Upright and straight. PIERCINGS: A peculiar gold ring on her right ear. When flicked, it makes a sound... DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: She has dropped the haughtiness she hailed two years ago. Much more soft-spoken, her words are gentle and warm. Her voice, now that she is no longer trying to hide her “weaker” self, is a lot more amicable. She still speaks with a particularly high vocabulary, but she no longer intentionally chooses words to make others feel foolish. Like rose petals floating on air, her manner of speaking is very breathy and delicate, but loud enough to at least be heard. Never will you find her raising her voice --- the difference is merely a harder sounding version of her, featuring her irritation, as opposed to a shrill shriek. (Voice Claim)

RELATIONSHIPS MOM: Céleste Charbonneau née Chen HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: While she no longer harbors a fierce grudge against her mother for ruining her childhood ( which she did not, but also did not correct Bon ), they are still not as close. They do, definitely, however get along much better, and Bon is now working under her at the Nouveau Corporation. DAD: Clair Charbonneau HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: She’s still a daddy’s girl --- no one has told her that, in reality, he is the absolute scum of the earth. Dustin’s trying. SIBLINGS: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. CHILDREN: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. PAST LOVER(S): [REDACTED] CURRENT LOVER: Dustin Lee REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: There is a bit of sheepishness to her. Whereas she once quietly despised and looked down upon others, she has a tendency to be soft-spoken and inquisitive. One could say it’s a guarding mechanism, but she seems to warm up and open up quickly --- a requirement of an idol, she supposes.  ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: She’s still not particularly fond of working with others, mostly because she finds that the best way to get work done is to do it herself. Still, she’s ( no longer ) one to force someone out of their job --- she will simply attempt to do the work behind the scenes. LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: She no longer likes the kind of person she once was --- haughty, snobbish, and full of themselves. Even in jest. The only way that shit’ll slide with her is if she knows them personally, or it’s fiction. PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Her parents were both extremely overprotective of her, a trait she fails to displace when she has children. They were very lenient with her as well, besides the whole ruining her early life, making her more prone to gently guiding her children without imposing her will onto them.

PERSONALITY ...WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: Gentle. Friendly. Apprehensive. ...AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Excitable. Bubbly. Childish. ...AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Silent. Skeptical. Petty. FAVORITE COLOR: Lilac. FAVORITE FOOD: Tea and cream-filled pastries! FAVORITE ANIMAL: Cats, spiders. FAVORITE ELEMENT: Air. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: Grey. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Eggs. LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: Shark. HOBBIES: Singing, dancing, shopping, and video gaming. USUAL MOOD: Sleepy. Calm. DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Nope. DARK VERSION OF SELF: Octospy verse. LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: Her. Right now. HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: Not very. She has become a lot more lenient, and instead prefers to crack jokes ( which is, also, her nervous habit ). CLASS IN AN RPG: Cleric, Mage. BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: Yes. (IN)DEPENDENT: Independent. VULNERABILITY: Hearing problems. Mentions of war. Divulged secrets. OPINION ON SWEARING: She still seldom curses, but it’s not as gasp-inspiring anymore. DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: Cautious. MUSIC TYPE: She’s fond of so many genres, provided it’s not ear-shattering. She can find the best in all types of music. MOVIE TYPE: So bad, it’s good / Romance / Thriller. BOOK TYPE: Adventure / Mystery / Romance. COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: About 65 F. SLEEPING PATTERN: Sleeps about 8-10 hours a day. CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Obsessively neat. DESIRED PET: Either a tarantula or a kitten. HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Sleeping, or reading books. BIGGEST SECRET: She worked at a few underground night clubs specifically created to ogle the bodies of those hired. Make ends meet, y’know? HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: @candykraken !! WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: Cat FEARS: Silence, large bodies of water, loneliness. COMFORTS: Sensory objects, tactility, sleeping.

HOW DO THEY REACT TO… DANGER: She tries to push out irrational thoughts and stand her ground. This doesn’t always work. SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Ignoring. Lots of ignoring. She’d make it look like it was unintentional; and then let the crush continue to fester. PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Lighting up! Squealing! Storm of kisses! Lots of touching. God knows her voice is going to reach killer wail levels of painful pitch. DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Wailing, violence, shutting down as a whole. Non-stop aggression. DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: Continue trying, nonstop---literally. Someone’s gonna have to intervene. INJURY: Whine and whimper. She’s not good at handling pain, no matter how used to it she is. SOMETHING IRRESISTIBLY CUTE: Lip biting. Grabby hands. Lighting up, again. Bouncing on her heels.

HISTORY BIOGRAPHY: [ CONTINUED FROM ORIGINAL ] 

Having overcome her self-inflicted duties of becoming a war-hero some day, Bonbon has dropped from the draft to, instead, put her dreams and aspirations on the front lines. With assistance and desperation, the girl is hired to start doing small performances when she’s twenty. Nothing means more to her than this.

Even her own dignity. As her agent comes to realize that she’s willing to do anything to achieve her goals, he quickly turns, being bitter that he himself is not in the spotlight as he once was. Setting her up with jobs that have a high chance of ruining her career, she manages to skate by unscathed --- much to his chagrin.

When Dustin enlists in her crew, he is even less enthused with how much attention the newcomer brings. Spiteful, her agent temporarily pulls him from the show, causing an uproar from the blossoming pop star and her fans. Their insistence brings him back --- but it breaks the final chord for the agent, who takes it out on Bon in private.

This assault, intended to kill, results in his death.

While court has settled that she never once touched him, and only harbors self-defense wounds, Bonbon herself remains dismayed. She’s... pretty sure she killed him. She did it --- and used the Killer Wail to do it. Traumatized, but not willing to admit it, her voice rarely rises to the point of her screams ( or any other such pitch ) again.

FIRST APPEARANCE: A mysterious, minuscule pinkling took a tournament by storm without even giving a word as to her age, rank, or background... and donated the proceeds to charity?

KNOWLEDGE LANGUAGES: Inkling, Sign Language, Human French, Written Octarian, Hylian. SCHOOLING LEVEL: College graduate. FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Linguistics and Theatre. INTERESTED CAREERS: An idol in song and dance --- which she is, now! EXPERTISE: Theatre, Song and Dance. CHEMISTRY: B MATH: A LANGUAGE: A+ GEOGRAPHY: B POLITICS/LAW: B- COOKING: D MECHANICS: C BOTANY (FLOWERS): A+ MYTHOLOGY: A DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): A+++

READING LEVEL: College graduate. HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: Always have a plan!

ROMANCE . DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Definitely. She’s very needy and you’ll know it immediately. HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): While very avoidant when crushing, she’s super clingy and affectionate when dating. GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: Ladylike with a dash of klutzy. She shows her real side if she really trusts her partner, so they have to deal with a near 180 of the persona she shows on a daily basis. GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: Jump into! She puts all her apples in one basket. PROTECTIVE: Extremely. She’s very feral and primitive at times. ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: Her lover has to be her best friend. WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY: She actively stalks her partner’s wishlists or things they see as they cruise around together, and has them anonymously delivered, as it she wasn’t obvious. If she hasn’t a clue, she’ll start sending dorky things she thinks are nice to try to gauge their interest. TYPE OF KISSER: She steals small kisses, before elongating them with lots of lip tugging. Definitely fond of it. The type to really get into it. DO THEY WANT KIDS: Not really, but can be easily persuaded. DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: Yes. MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: She makes better decisions, thinking in respect of both herself and her partner. ARE THEY ROMANTIC: Yes, albeit cheesy and dorky deep down... HOW ARE THEY IN BED: She’s extremely affectionate, and prefers to be intimate with her partner for the long run. GET JEALOUS EASY: She no longer experiences the same anxiety she once did in relationships, and opts to trust her partner whole-heartedly. WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: No. MARRY FOR MONEY: click this. FAVORITE SEX POSITION: [REDACTED] WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: A nice long exploration through untraveled territory---just the two of them. Lots of hand-holding, kisses, and cuddles. Good food would definitely seal the deal as the best date ever. OPINION ON SEX: She’s fucking thirsty.

[rosierora]

The Sorting Hat || WDPA Challenge 001

Personal Questions

What is your real, birth name? When and where were you born? Aurora Katherine Rose. I was born in Los Angeles on May 18th, 1998.

What is your Myers-Briggs Personality Type? (If you don’t know go here, this question is optional.) INFP

Do you have a nickname? What is it, and where did you get it? Most commonly I’m called Rory or Rora. My mom calls me Beastie, and Caleb has started calling me Princess. My aunts call me Briar or Briar Rose. I like Rory or Rory-Kate the best.

What do you look like? (Include height, weight, hair, eyes, skin, apparent age, and distinguishing features) I’m 5′6″ an about 118 pounds. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I look about 20, but I turn 19 in a couple weeks. 

How do you dress most of the time? Do you wear any jewelry? I usually like soft tee shirts and skinny jeans. I have a few really nice dresses for going out, but a lot of my clothes are comfortable enough for me to rehearse in. I wear thin silver bracelet that my aunts gave me the day I started at WDPA.

What don’t you like about yourself? What kind of things embarrass you? Why? I’m actually pretty self conscious about my appearance. I could tell you a lot of things about myself I wish I could change. Sometimes my aunts can be a little embarrassing when they come to visit. 

In your opinion, what is your best feature? I think my legs are pretty cool. They’re very toned, thanks to dance and cheer.

Where do you live? Describe it: Is it messy, neat, avant-garde, sparse, etc.? I live with my mom in Santa Monica. Our house is beautiful, with indoor gardens and open spaces. My room is my favorite part of the house. It’s large compared to my old dorm, and I don’t share it with anyone, except my cat. I keep it extremely clean. Messy rooms freak me out. It’s mostly pastel blue and stark white, with the occasional gold and rose pink accents.

What is your most prized mundane possession? Why do you value it so much? My pointe shoes, because they represent the hard work I’ve put into my passion.

What one word best describes you? Graceful.

Familial Questions

What is/was your family structure like? (i.e. are you adopted, how many siblings, pets, etc.) I was born to Stefan and Leah Rose. From age 6-12 I bounced back and fourth between living with my father and with my “aunts”, Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather. They were actually my neighbors and family friends, we’re not technically related. I moved in with my aunts permanently when my dad died at age 13. They sent me to WDPA when I was 14, in the middle of my freshman year, which is when I met my adoptive mother, Mal. I live with her now. 

Who was your father, and what was he like? Who was your mother, and what was she like? What was your parents marriage like? Were they married? Did they remain married? Stefan was... indecisive. He was a surgeon in LA until we relocated to Denver after my mother died. He could be warm and he could be cold. He often forgot me in stores and at school, and he used to throw things at me, like books and hair dyers. I think Leah’s death started to get to him as I got older. He became more dependent on narcotics and less concerned with me. They loved each other, but I know he could be untrue, and I’m sure he cheated on her more than once. The government found out he had been doing unnecessary surgeries to get rich, so he went to prison for a bit when I was six and again when I was 11 for over prescribing pain meds. After he was let out on good behavior, he OD’ed on oxycodone. My mother was a model. She was killed in a car accident. 

What are/were your siblings names? What are/were they like? (If you have siblings) I don’t have any siblings.

What’s the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you? What’s the worst thing you’ve done to one of your siblings? (If you have siblings)

When’s the last time you saw any member of your family? Where are they now? I saw my aunts over the summer, I stayed with them in Denver for a few weeks while Mal went to a conference out of the country.

Who is your closest friend(s)? Describe them and how you relate to them. Merida is my best friend. We met when we were roomates our freshmen year and have been inseperable ever since. I love how even though our interests and hobbies are different, we still get along like two peas in a pod. She keeps me grounded, and I help her see the bright side in tough situations.

Childhood Questions

What is your first memory? My dad taking me to a baseball game when I was super small. I have a picture of me and him together that I keep in my room.

What was your favorite toy? A little doll that I named Rosie.

What was your favorite game? My dad and I had quite a few tea parties. He was pretty good at playing along until he got a call from work.

Who was your best friend when you were growing up? I had a friend named Ellie in Denver who was in ballet with me, but when I moved way we lost touch. I think she lives in Kansas now.

What is your fondest childhood memory? The day I moved in with my aunts. It was my 6th birthday. Although they aren’t really homemakers, they attempted to sew me a dress and make me a cake. It was really sweet of them.

What is your worst childhood memory? I was with my dad when he died. He told me not to call 911. It was painful to watch without being able to do anything about it.

Adolescent Questions

It is common for one’s view of authority to develop in their adolescent years. What is your view of authority, and what event most affected it? I’ve never had a problem with authority. Ballet teaches you to have a lot of respect for your teachers, so I guess I kind of got used to doing that. Having a dragon lady for a mom can sometimes scare you into behaving, too.

What “clique” did/do you best fit in with? (Royals, Dark Royals, Wallflowers, Bookworms, Punks, Hipsters, Rejects, etc.) I would consider myself a Royal.

What were/are your high school goals? What were/are your uni goals? In high school my goal was to star in Swan Lake, which I did as a senior. Now that I’ve graduated, my main goal is to find a main goal. I’m not really sure what I want to do for the rest of my life.

What is/was your favorite memory from adolescence? What is/was your worst memory from adolescence? The day I met Mal was a good one. She tried not to like me at first, but I won her over. She invited me to her house for dinner that night, and well, the rest is history. I’d say my worst memory would be snapping my ankle junior year as I came out of a stunt in cheer. I was in a cast for months.

Do you own a car? Describe it. If not, describe your dream car. I drive a blue 2014 Honda Civic.

Occupational Questions

Do you have a job? What is it? Do you like it? If no job, where does your money come from? I teach ballet and lyrical classes at a studio in LA. My dad also left all of his money to me in his will, so I get a check from that every month.

What is your boss or employer like? (Or publisher, or agent, or whatever.) My boss is a stubborn old Russian lady with a quick temper. She scares me.

What are your co-workers like? Do you get along with them? Any in particular? Which ones don’t you get along with? I dance with a lot of my coworkers in the city ballet. They’re performers, so they can be temperamental, but I love them anyways.

What is something you had to learn that you hated? The day I saw what pointe shoes do to your toes I thought about quitting ballet.

Do you tend to save or spend your money? Why? I save it for the most part. My mom pays for my food and stuff, so I don’t worry about money too often.

Likes & Dislikes Questions

What hobbies do you have? I am an excellent ballerina and I cheer for WDPA. Other than that, I’m in student government and on the welcome committee. Dance takes up a lot of my life. When I’m not rehearsing, I’m watching performances or helping out with makeup and hair backstage.

What bands/artists do you like? What song is “your song?” Why? I like a lot of easy listening stuff, like Ben Howard, John Mayer... just soft guitar music. That, and classical compositions.

When it comes to politics, do you care? If so, which way do you tend to vote? If not, why don’t you care? I'm a registered democrat. I also have a passion for animal rights.

What time of day is your favorite? What kind of weather is your favorite? I like mid afternoon, because that’s when I have dance. My favorite weather is sunny and warm, but not hot.

What is your favorite food? What is your least favorite food? I love fruit salad. I’m a vegan, so I don’t like meat, or anything made from animals.

What is your favorite drink? (Coffee, Coke, Juice, Beer, Wine, etc.) Hmm... probably smoothies.

What’s your favorite animal? Why? My favorite animals are birds. They’re so pretty and sing beautifully. I like owls the best.

Do you have any pets? Do you want any pets? What kind? I have a pet cat named Dreamsicle, but we call her Dreamy for short.

What do you find most relaxing? (Not as in stress relief, but as something that actually calms you down.) You know in Footloose when Ren is really mad and he goes to that warehouse and angrily dances? That.

What’s a pet peeve of yours? People who aren’t willing to try new things.

Sex & Intimacy Questions

Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, pan, or something else? Why? I guess straight. I’ve never had romantic feelings for women.

Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? What was it like? How well did it go? (If your character is sexually active, if not, skip this question) I’ve never had sex.

Do you currently have a lover/crush? What is their name, and what is your relationship like? What are they like? Why are you attracted to them? I think I have a crush on Caleb Stirling, but my mom would kill me if she found out. He’s actually really sweet and smart. He’s not as much of a bad boy as I expected him to be. At least, I don’t think he is. I’m attracted to him physically, obviously. Have you seen that boy’s hair? Besides that, though, Caleb is really interesting. We have a little bit in common, too. I feel like I want to know everything about him.

Describe the perfect romantic partner for you and describe your perfect date with them. I just want someone to love me. I hope they’d be open to dancing with me. I’d want to go out to a fancy dinner, like at a jazz club or somewhere else where we could dance. Then after we could go look at the stars and have ice cream.

Do you ever want to get married and have children? When do you see this happening? I would love to! I don’t see it happening in the next few years, as I’m still pretty young. Maybe when I’m in my late twenties.

What is more important – sex or intimacy? Why? I really wouldn’t know. I assume it’s intimacy.

What was your most recent relationship like? Who was it with? (Does not need to be sexual, merely romantic.) I dated my dad’s friend’s son Phillip for a little bit sophomore and junior year. He drank too much. We realized we were just too different and broke up the night after junior prom.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone you loved? I let my father die.

Drug & Alcohol Questions (if your character’s a drinker/does drugs, if not, skip to numbers 5 & 6)

How old were you when you first got drunk? What was the experience like? On my 16th birthday I got a little crazy, that was he first time. It was fine until Mal found out the next day.

Did anything good come out of it? Did anything bad come out of it? I found out what drinking is like and what my limits are, but I was grounded for two weeks because I puked in the living room.

Do you drink on any kind of regular basis? No, not really. I will when I go out, but not much.

What kind of alcohol do you prefer? Margaritas. 

Have you ever tried any other kind of “mood altering” substance? Which one(s)? What did you think of each?

What do you think of drugs and alcohol? Are there any people should not do? Why or why not? I’m alright with recreational use as long as it doesn’t get in the way of someone’s goals in life. I’m not into the hard stuff, and I don’t think anyone else should be, either. It’s bad for your body. I should know.

Post-Powers Awareness Questions (For those who have powers)

When did you go through when you gained your powers? What was it like (in your opinion)?

What do you think now of being magical? Is it cool, or have you been screwed?

Do you have a mentor? Who are they? How did you become their student?

Do you have any magical items? Where did you get them?

Think of a major event that happened during your training/initiation. What was it?

What is something you had to learn during your training that you hated? Why did you hate it?

Thoughtful Questions

What about you is heroic? My drive to work for what I love makes me heroic. 

What about you is social? What do you like about people? I’m generally social, but I have problems with talking to strangers. I love that everyone has something to offer, their own story. It’s like every person is a mystery just waiting to be solved.

If a magical being, describe the color of what magic you use, is it of a light color, bold and bright, pastel and sparkly, etc.

Are you a better leader or follower? Why do you think that? If you think the whole leader-follower archetype is a crock of shit, say so, and explain why? I’m somewhere inbetween. I think I’m a soft example? Does that even make sense?

[plathway]

End of December so that means it’s BEST OF/END OF/WORST OF List time! As evidenced by the blog title I’m just going to be doing a summary (not in ranking order) of my favourite memories from 2017. I won’t even bother with a “Worst Of” because we all know about the terrible things that happened this year, things that we will still be dealing with long past 2018.

I personally am a huge fan of New Year’s Eve. Yes practically resolutions are never fulfilled and everything is extra expensive but I love the hopefulness that usually permeates around this time of year. The new year looks so shiny and new and there really is something seductive about (hopefully) becoming a new or better person. 

The last day of 2017 is a chiller. I was out taking a walk at around 4:30 and the air was so crisp and sharp but the light was so soft. It made me think about the year ahead, all shiny and new; hard and cold as yet untouched with familiar warmth. Daylight seemed to try it’s hardest to cling to the very end. The sky was all pale blues and soft rosy pinks. It made me the streetlight glow feel so golden yellow and the moon is full and such a pure perfect white, it looks like a pearl in the sky. 

I hope I become a better person than I was in 2017. I hope that I will have a lot of fun memories as I did in 2017. And now, in no particular order, my favourite 2017 memories. 

Art Shows: Mystical Landscapes, Blue Whale @ ROM and Georgia O’Keeffe @ AGO

I got to see some really cool gallery exhibits this year thanks to Helen. Mystical Landscapes was nice, got to see some of the classic Monet’s and Van Gogh’s. My favourite ones that I saw was the Blue Whale during one of the ROM’s Friday Night Lives and and the Georgia O’Keeffe at AGO’s First Thursdays.

The Blue Whale was really cool; whales are gigantic and everyone knows that but seeing it was really awe inspiring. I think it’s heart is like the size of a Fiat lol. I really really loved the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit. It was quite big and some of my favourite pieces were: – Lake George Reflection – Flower Abstraction 1924 – Abstraction White Rose – Horse’s Skull with Pink Rose – Farmhouse Window and Door (this one is really cool to see in person because it looks 3D or layered paper but it’s just paint.) – Mule’s Skull with Pink Poinsettias – From the Faraway, Nearby – Rust Red Hills – Red Hills and Bones – Red and Yellow Cliffs – Wall with Green Door 1953 – My Front Yard, Summer

I wish that you could see what I see out the windows – the earth pink and yellow cliffs to the north – the full pale moon about to go down in an early evening lavender sky behind a very long beautiful tree-covered mesa to the west- pink and purple hills in front an the scrubby fine dull of cedars- and a feeling of much space- it is a very beautiful world. Georgia O’Keeffe

Lol my celebrity encounter of the year happened when I was at the O’Keeffe show, I saw Camila Mendes from Riverdale walk by. I was honestly star struck. She walked by and I literally stood there gaping and then had a moment of panic because I wanted to chase after her but I also had to find Helen who had gone up ahead. I finally found her and then we spent the rest of the night running around the AGO looking for her but she had went back to her hotel to live tweet Riverdale lol. 

Women’s March

The Women’s March was the first protest that I’ve ever been to. My mom thought it was dumb of me for going because, “what is it really going to do?” which is a sentiment held by a lot of people. 

I went with Rebekah and it was a really fun experience. The turn out was much greater than I expected, not just in Toronto but all around the world. It felt nice being part of that crowd all with a similar goal. 

Brunch Club 

Brunch times with my Y&E girls and seeing baby Celeste! Lol it’s nice seeing Mei’s 1st OG team and Celeste who is the cutest baby in the entire world. 

Dangerous Dan’s

All the times Rebekah, Precillia and I would go to Dangerous Dan’s. We’d always get the same thing, a coffee shake for me and an uber Amy grilled cheese, with fries or onion rings on the side. Precillia would always get the gyros with a side of pierogies and Rebekah would get a grilled cheese and the owner would always tease her for being a vegetarian. And the very best, we’d get a cookie cow pie to share.

Unfortunately it closed due to the increasing gentrification, but the memories of going there starving with Precillia and Rebekah, hearing the rest of the staff yell at Heather (or Helen? I don’t remember) just laughing and eating the most delicious food was truly some of the best times. 

My first time at a vape lounge

The day of the TRL sale, (Rebekah and I made out like a bandit, the books were like FIFTY CENTS!!!!) Rebekah took Precillia and I to a vape lounge for the first time. I don’t know if it was what she rolled or if it’s because other people were smoking but I have never gotten that high in my life. 

We were discussing middle school crushes and it was my turn, I stopped right in the middle of my story and I felt like it was so hard for me to speak and I could not stop laughing, my voice got so high it was practically a squeak. 

Birthday Party @ BATL

This year for my birthday we went axe throwing and also shot bows and arrows. I don’t know what was my favourite part… seeing old friends and catching up, when they gave us photos of Trump to put in the bullseye… 

Actually, the highlight was when we played the most intense game of gigantic Jenga of my life. 

Escape Rooms

This year we really got into escape rooms. Two of the ones we did were super scary and one of them we beat! The first one we did we were all locked in individual stalls and had to work our way out of them, the second one was a diamond heist so I got to live out my dream of being an actual cat burglar. 

By far the scariest one we did was for Precillia’s birthday. The theme of the house is that we broke into a haunted house but it really turned out to be a murder house. And we had to break through a series of clues to try to escape. I am a big fucking baby so I was useless and spent the whole time screaming. As far as escape rooms went it was really atmospheric. It gave us a lot of fun puzzles to solve that were really hard. And we got to move around the small room by climbing through a hidden cabinet, running up and down the stairs, pulling things out of grates etc.  The hardest part was the actual physical component. We had to make it across this set of monkey bars, I went first and fell into the foam–Rebekah was the only one to make it across. Unfortunately we ran out of time but we made it nearly to the end. Rebekah was the Judas and would have sacrificed us all if we had the time. 

All the visits to Doc

Whether I was freezing in the winter, or getting a sun burn during the summer or any of the visits by myself… hanging out at Doc was always a fun time. Riverdale park is gorgeous. My favourite thing is to go there listening to opera and reading. 

Summer in Port Dover

This summer Precillia told us about Port Dover which is one of the few beaches in Ontario that has palm trees. There are only three of them but a guy wanted them here so badly he planted them and they stand there lol. Port Dover is truly one of the best beaches I’ve been to in Ontario. I wish we were near ocean water but the water in Port Dover is pretty nice for lake water.  We’ve only been three times but each time was amazing. I think my favourite was the second time when Precillia, Rebekah and Ayan went. I think it was after a storm or a storm was coming but we stayed out in the water as the sky turned clear to grey to all these different shades of blue. We saw a rainbow and that day Rebekah and Precillia found twenty dollars in the water and we also got a football from these guys that were chilling near us.  Sitting in Precillia’s car, loose limbed and sun kissed eating salty messy Subway sandwiches before Precillia sped us off into the night that was so blue it felt like we were being wrapped up in it, it was so thick. Every time I hear “Sex on Fire” I can feel Precillia’s car flying down the road and the blue of the night blocking out the sound of the world as that “YeahhhHhHhHhHhHHHHhhh” fills my ears. 

Bruce Peninsula

So, we did everything right starting off the trip lol. We set out really early, got all of our snacks and drove all the way up there… only to stand in the woods for a bit. The Bruce Peninsula has grown so much in popularity, especially because of the Canada Park’s Pass that there were only a few slots during the day that we could go and all of those were filled up. In the end we ended up going to Port Dover. 

Kudos to Precillia for the drive because it was long AF. We eventually got so hungry we were looking for the nearest place to eat and I think we drove to an A&W in some small town. It was full of old white people but it was easily the cleanest and nicest looking A&W we’d ever been in lol. 

Rebekah had an edible that she split with me and it really gave me a new appreciation for Ontario. I truly live in a beautiful province, there were so many gorgeous fields and fields of flowers and farm stands and we saw Mennonites just trundling along beside us in their horse and buggy.

Carly Rae Jepsen @ TSO

For Canada’s 150th birthday, actual Canadian treasure Carly Rae Jepsen played her greatest hits accompanied by the Toronto Symphony Orchestra. I went with Precillia and it was truly a magical night. Everyone was dancing and singing along, it was just a fun night with great pop music full of love. 

Janet and Petr visiting

Janet is officially back in Canada with her husband Petr!!!! They came up to visit me for a week and I was ecstatic because I had my foodie buddy back. We ate at some of my favourite restaurants in Toronto such as Descendant for Detroit style pizza, Maha’s for Egyptian food, Hot Star fried chicken, Patois, FuZen, Tsujiri and some of my Kensington Market favourites as well.

Friendsgiving2k17

The second annual Friendsgiving was even more lit than the first if you can believe it! We got a beautiful house with a sauna and stuff this time because I got a credit from AirBnB because they cancelled my original reservation. I have like 5 memories from that night because I decided to compete with Tsering but I cherish all 5 of them. I know we did White Elephant, we had a lovely family dinner, I think Beer Pong was played and we played Monopoly for a few rounds and then Precillia and I murdered a unicorn cake. 

Expectations are HIGH for #Friendsgiving2k18 but know that Precillia, Rebekah, Ayan and I are going to pull it off. 

Anyways, those are some of my favourite memories of 2017! I know I had many more and I’m excited for what 2018 has to offer. I hope it’s nothing but good things for all of us.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

xoxo Cat

Today's featured image is by Pedro Miranda Filho

lmaoooo down to the wire here is my last 2017 post!!! End of December so that means it's BEST OF/END OF/WORST OF List time! As evidenced by the blog title I'm just going to be doing a summary (not in ranking order) of my favourite memories from 2017.

[phynxrizng]

DAILY ASTROLOGY REPORTS AND HOROSCOPES FOR, 2-21-18

Astrology Cafe Daily Astrology ABOUT TODAY DAILY MONTHLY CHART You are here: Home / Daily Astrology / Astrology of Today – Wednesday, February 21, 2018 Astrology of Today – Wednesday, February 21, 2018 Feb 19, 2018 by Annie Heese Leave a Comment  The Moon is in Taurus. The Moon is waxing and in its Waxing Crescent phase. The New Moon/Solar Eclipse occurred in the sign of Aquarius on the 15th, and the First Quarter Moon will occur on February 23rd. **Times are Eastern Standard Time (EST). Daily Astro Highlights for each Sign: Aries  Aries This day has a strong potential to be both sentimentally touching and practical, dear Aries. You’re taking things step by step, which works best under today’s influences, and holds the added benefit of helping you relax as you sort things out in an organized fashion, mainly related to work or life path goals and responsibilities. This can be a time for resolving a problem that has been weighing you down. As well, Venus and Neptune’s alignment in your privacy sector suggests warm moments in your emotional life. This is a yearly event that presents an excellent opportunity to bring more compassion and imagination to a relationship or to forgive and let go of a past relationship matter or connection. It’s a lovely time to find inspiration and to start fresh on an emotional level. There can be magic in the air you cannot quite describe. As such, now is the time to give others the benefit of the doubt; you may find your kindness rewarded in an unexpected way! The other side of that coin, however, is that your rosy mood may blind you to romantic or financial issues that you would otherwise take more seriously. Taurus  Taurus Venus and Neptune coming together is an excellent time to re-evaluate concerns you have within your friendships, dear Taurus. Interpersonal problems can be worked through with newfound clarity and compassion. Approach others with forgiveness and consideration and look forward to a brighter relationship, but be careful not to wind up with your head up in the clouds. In your efforts to improve your relationships, do not forget to focus on your relationship with yourself, dear Taurus! Consider how you might feel in the long-term, and strive to achieve the happiness you deserve. This aspect is wonderful for connecting with your spiritual, emotional, romantic, or imaginative needs and embracing them. It can be a time for forgiving someone or letting go of a social problem or grievance so that you can bring more positive energy to your current and future relationships. Or, this can be a time of wonderful inspiration, compassion, and warmth related to a relationship or special project. Dreams and hopes or wishes are inspiring now. Also today, a more practical influence is with you, and it’s especially strong for taking care of the details and logistics of a plan or your life, in general. Conversations can be super useful now. Making lists or writing out intentions can also help you sort out clutter. Gemini  Gemini Your communication at work may see a shift away from productivity and into compassion, dear Gemini, so that you may find your interactions feel more meaningful and fresh. Today, your idealism is stirred. An entirely new activity can help bring emotional refreshment. It will be important to keep yourself grounded and realistic, as you are likely seeing romantic partners in a dreamy way and entertaining many thoughts of what the future might bring. Helping you out in this manner is a Mercury-Saturn sextile that’s good for work and problem-solving. This is an excellent time to listen carefully to a partner, and put in extra effort to learn, study, or perfect a project or craft. You’re seen in a very nice light today. Cancer  Cancer Venus and Neptune align this afternoon, dear Cancer, which can help you look ahead into an idealistic version of your future. It’s a good time to let go of any unhealthy attachments in your life and take a break from the usual routine. You may find your idealized view of the future clouding your judgment of the present, however. Nevertheless, this is a strong time to improve interpersonal relationships, particularly when it comes to forgiveness and reaching new understandings. A Mercury-Saturn sextile also influencing the day is excellent for dissecting and digging for answers, which can be especially satisfying and beneficial. Leo  Leo A conjunction between Venus and Neptune encourages your imagination today, dear Leo. Listen closely, as some fuzziness is likely when it comes to an understanding of another person’s perspective. You may find yourself seeing beauty in the unexpected and maybe even enjoy some increased intimacy in your life. Your imagination soars – you’re seeing life in a different, dreamy, and inspiring way right now. Yearnings are powerful today and can dominate your thinking. However, a Mercury-Saturn sextile helps ground you. In fact, there is wisdom in your approach today. It’s easier than usual to identify time wasters and waste in general. This transit helps you tighten up details and work. Virgo  Virgo From today on is a period of creating and strengthening positive relationships, as well as sharing ideas with others, dear Virgo. While this is a time to enjoy flights of fancy, particularly regarding a partner or a relationship, it would be prudent to ensure you don’t stray too far from the practical world. Still, take some time to enjoy wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses. Helping ground you is a Mercury-Saturn sextile. A patient approach brings the most benefits today. This transit is strong for adopting a patient approach. You instinctively know that taking your time to perfect something will be more satisfying in the long run. Libra  Libra Today, you can put effort into a creative project now and truly make headway, dear Libra. A Mercury-Saturn sextile helps ground you and assists you in giving your life more order. Even so, you may very well enjoy some fuzzy thinking as your ruler, Venus, aligns with Neptune encouraging you to relax and escape the mundane. You’re prone to romanticize or glamorize your relationships or situations and people in your life right now. You’re surely in need of some fantasy and escape! Ideas are creative, and feelings are compassionate. While the day is complicated, your powers of attraction are powerful. You can successfully bring imagination to your work and even your health routines now. Scorpio  Scorpio Lovely Venus and Neptune come together in your sector of creativity and romance today, dear Scorpio, and you can quite quickly get caught up in fantasy. A new creative project begun now can be successful. You can be especially inspired to express your feelings or emotions in unique ways. This can be an imaginative day for a creative project as well. Children, lovers, a creative endeavor, or a favorite pastime can provide a pleasant detour from stress and a nice form of escape. If you expect too much from a regular day, then you could feel a little let down. Otherwise, it’s a fine day for finding beauty in what you have and perfection in imperfections. As well, you benefit from a Mercury-Saturn sextile that is stabilizing and grounding. Practical problem solving is favored. Sagittarius  Sagittarius This is a lovely time for dreaming up new ideas, particularly related to home life, harmony, comfort, and understanding, dear Sagittarius. You are willing to see the beauty in imperfection. With expectations reasonable, this can be a good day for a bit of an escape from recent pressures. Activities, particularly at home or with family, that engage your imagination are favored now. You are also creative, and your artistic flair can show itself most in your domestic world. As well, a Mercury-Saturn sextile helps you tame your desires and think in practical terms, and you tend to be valued for your input or advice. You more happily meet deadlines and fulfill your responsibilities. An organized and patient attitude can get you far today. Capricorn  Capricorn A very imaginative, creative aspect occurs today, dear Capricorn, and also a decidedly practical one. The result is, ideally, a very balanced and productive day. In fact, it’s this kind of combination of vision and realism that gets results. The Venus-Neptune alignment encourages you to see the beauty in your daily environment and your connections. News coming in, or a conversation you have, can be inspiring, forgiving, or relieving. You thrive when your imagination is engaged today, and you can thoroughly enjoy helping others or sharing ideas now. Even so, the Mercury-Saturn aspect enables you to concentrate and focus on practical details if needed. Aquarius  Aquarius Each year, Venus aligns with Neptune, dear Aquarius, inspiring a new beginning of sorts related to the world of your feelings, sentiments, relationships, and values as they relate to your higher, spiritual, imaginative needs, ideals, and principles. Since this yearly alignment has been happening in your resources sector for the past five to six years, this likely has to do with your relationship to your things, resources, talents, and sense of self-worth. Today, you may be feeling especially inspired and ready to start fresh, and this can have to do with increased faith in yourself and your natural talents. There is also a highly practical transit influencing the day, and it’s constructive for sorting your thoughts and personal environment so that you feel less overwhelmed, caged in, or cluttered. Mercury in your sign harmonizes with Saturn, and this favors practical thinking and gaining respect for your ideas or input. Pisces  Pisces Neptune, your ruler, has been transiting your sign for some years now, dear Pisces, and each year, Venus meets up with Neptune in Pisces, as is the case today. Others are most certainly drawn to you now. This is an excellent time to make a first impression or to get noticed. You have much in the way of quiet and subtle power right now, but do be careful how you use this, as there can be a tendency to play into others’ fantasies. This is a strong time for romance, attraction, and the creative arts. While all of these things apply, another influence holding sway over the day is a decidedly practical one – Mercury and Saturn harmonize now, making it easier than usual to organize and sort through details, plans, and ideas, and considering what is feasible. * Remember to read horoscopes for your Ascendant sign and Sun sign. If you don’t know your Ascendant sign (and you know your birth time), you can look it up here. Above are astrological event highlights for the day. Full Horoscopes are on Cafe Astrology. If Your Birthday is February 21st, If Today is Your Birthday full horoscope here. Astrology of Today – The Details: If you’re astrologically inclined and interested in the details of the Astrology of today, here are some of the factors considered in the forecasts (for the astrology of the week, see This Week in Astrology): Planet Color Key: The longer the bar, the slower the aspecting planet and the longer the duration of the planet’s transit.     Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 0:00 am Event: Moon in Taurus Description: The Moon in Taurus This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 0:05 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cpl Jun Description: Transiting Moon ContraParallel Transiting Juno Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 0:12 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Mer Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting Mercury Ideas flow freely. We express feelings with clarity and thoughts with sensitivity. An excellent time for cooperative projects. A good time for taking tests, writing, promoting, public speaking, and studying. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 2:13 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Tri Sat Description: Transiting Moon Trine Transiting Saturn An auspicious time for any project demanding endurance or tolerance. Also good for establishing new habits and rituals. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 2:53 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqr Cer Description: Transiting Moon Square Transiting Ceres There can be conflicts with loved ones, or we could be feeling unsupported. People could seem insensitive or uncaring, or our own needs seem to be at odds with the needs of family and friends. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 5:30 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Pll Ura Description: Transiting Moon Parallel Transiting Uranus Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 11:18 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon SSq Chi Description: Transiting Moon SemiSquare Transiting Chiron Hurt feelings may be opportunities for healing. Now is the time for building bridges, not burning them. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 11:30 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cpl Sun Description: Transiting Moon ContraParallel Transiting Sun Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 11:31 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cnj Pal Description: Transiting Moon Conjunction Transiting Pallas This is a time of imagination and intuition, when we can draw upon our internal wisdom. There is a good ability to successfully combine logic and intuition, and to understand problems taking into account the human element. There is sensitivity to people’s issues now. Cooperation. Effective, sensitive decision making. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 1:10 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cpl Mer Description: Transiting Moon ContraParallel Transiting Mercury Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 2:19 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Nep Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting Neptune This is a feel-good time if we allow ourselves to relax and tune into the subtle aspects of life – art, nature, beauty, dreams, and spiritual realms. We absorb things easily, our senses are in good form, and we more naturally accept things and people as they are. There is no need to look for definite answers right now. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 2:22 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Ven Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting Venus We are less inhibited and more willing to indulge ourselves. Love and romance can be favorable. Decorating, beauty treatments, the arts, creative pursuits, parties, dates, and recreation are generally favored now. Smile, laugh, and enjoy! Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 4:34 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqr Nod Description: Transiting Moon Square Transiting North Node This is the trigger for out with the old and in with the new. We could feel at odds with others on an emotional level. Public relations are not as favorable now. Plans could need reworking. We could feel temporarily out of the loop. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 6:49 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Qnx Mar Description: Transiting Moon Quincunx Transiting Mars There can be tension and feelings of restlessness or impatience, as what we want to do may not feel perfectly right, or we may be lacking the courage. Avoid taking it out on the wrong things or people. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 8:08 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Qnx Ves Description: Transiting Moon Quincunx Transiting Vesta Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 3:23 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mer Sxt Sat Description: Transiting Mercury Sextile Transiting Saturn Rational and logical thinking. Concentration and focus. Organization. Serious communication. Agreeable solitude. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 6:12 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mer Qnx Cer Description: Transiting Mercury Quincunx Transiting Ceres We may be trying to get our feelings across, or attempting to explain how we feel, but we have difficulty doing so. Disagreements or misunderstandings are possible, as it is difficult to understand people’s intentions. There may be stress or extra activity in the household. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 1:41 pm Event: Tr-Tr Ven Cnj Nep Description: Transiting Venus Conjunction Transiting Neptune Feel the need to escape to a romantic island getaway? Follow the urge even if it is limited to a luxurious bath or a trip to the local beach. Date & Time: 21 Feb 2018 4:04 am Event: Tr-Tr Chi SSq Pal Description: Transiting Chiron SemiSquare Transiting Pallas There can be difficulty getting our message across or winning support for our ideas. Strong Signs, Elements, Modes BALANCE OF SIGNS TAURUS STRONG Stable and enduring, strong values, unyielding, earthy, acquisitive, strong desires. Can be stuck, stubborn, overly possessive, self-indulgent. PISCES STRONG Compassionate, sensitive, self-sacrificing, gentle, intuitive. Can be escapist, impractical, hyper- sensitive, gullible. BALANCE OF ELEMENTS AIR WEAK We may have a difficult time being objective or detached. We may not be especially communicative. WATER STRONG We are more compassionate, emotional, and intuitive than usual, and we may react emotionally to situations, possibly at the expense of logic or practicality. BALANCE OF MODES MUTABLE STRONG We are flexible, adaptable, willing, open to change, and possibly flighty or nervous. LUNAR PHASE: CRESCENT Moon 45 to 90 degrees ahead of the Sun. This is an eager, impulsive, and progressive time. We are motivated and ready to take on challenges. The following aspects (major only) and positions are at noon (EST) on February 21st: Note that when an aspect is applying, it has not yet happened but is within orb – it’s pending. When an aspect is separating, it has already happened/perfected and is moving away from the aspect. Depending on the speed of the planet/body involved, the aspect will have perfected–or will perfect–in a matter of hours (often the case with the Moon), days, months, and possibly years in the case of the very slow-moving outer planets and bodies. Note that the Moon moves at a rate of approximately one degree every 2 hours so that if an aspect involving the Moon is applying and has an orb of 5 degrees, the aspect will perfect (be exact) in about 10 hours. If the Moon is separating from an aspect with an orb of 2 degrees, it has already formed said aspect approximately 4 hours ago (since the following are positions at noon today, then it would have occurred at about 8 AM today). **I suggest paying close attention to applying aspects. The energy of the aspect builds as it gets closer to exact. Once an aspect involving inner planets has happened, it’s over. Separating aspects are good to know for context, but in terms of energy that is with us today, applying aspects are most important. (This is the case for daily astrology influences involving inner planets, which pass quickly, and not natal astrology aspects, which are with us for a lifetime). THE MOON THE MOON IN TAURUS This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones. 13TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Cervical and brachial plexi Sabian Symbol: A man handling baggage. ASPECTS OF THE MOON SEXTILE VENUS Orb 1°13′ Applying We are cooperative, obliging, and kind under this influence. We are more inclined to express our appreciation or affection. TRINE SATURN Orb 5°27′ Separating We are more able to find a balance between our own emotional needs and our responsibilities. This is a strong time for establishing good habits. We are more tolerant, deliberate, and resolute. SEXTILE NEPTUNE Orb 1°18′ Applying This is a feel-good time if we allow ourselves to relax and tune into the subtle aspects of life – art, nature, beauty, dreams, and spiritual realms. We absorb things easily, our senses are in good form, and we more naturally accept things and people as they are. There is no need to look for definite answers right now. THE SUN THE SUN IN PISCES You are an imaginative and serene individual. You need to express your fantasies and imagination, and may be a dreamer or be ungrounded. 4TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Nerves of left foot Sabian Symbol: Heavy traffic on a narrow isthmus linking two seaside resorts. ASPECTS OF THE SUN CONJUNCTION MERCURY Orb 3°29′ Separating Thoughts and communications about ourselves and our goals. We are expressing ourselves confidently, directly, and clearly. SEXTILE SATURN Orb 3°44′ Applying We are taking pride in our responsibilities or performance. This can be a time of steady progress and increased self-discipline. We are more inclined to humble ourselves to authority or good advice, and tend to employ traditional methods. MERCURY MERCURY IN PISCES You are highly intuitive with a good imagination. You have the ability to tune into other people’s thoughts. You may have difficulty distinguishing reality from fantasy. You may experience periods where you seem to disappear into a dream world before being jolted back to reality. 7TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Right talus Sabian Symbol: A cross lying on rocks. ASPECTS OF MERCURY CONJUNCTION VENUS Orb 6°56′ Applying We are more agreeable, sociable, and focused on balance and harmony. Conversations flow nicely. SEXTILE SATURN Orb 0°15′ Applying We are seeing our priorirites, taking things seriously, and applying ourselves to important matters. We are drawn to activities that are purposeful and practical. We can be conservative and cautious with our methods, opinions, learning, believing, and communicating. Thoroughness. CONJUNCTION NEPTUNE Orb 7°01′ Applying You have an imaginative mind, although at times you speak in a vague fashion. You are sensitive to the thoughts and ideas of other people. You are creative. VENUS VENUS IN PISCES You yearn to merge and be at-one with your partner. In fact you want to be at-one with the universe. You also enjoy sharing inspirational activities with your partner, ranging from listening to beautiful music to visiting an art gallery. 14TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Right cutaneous veins Sabian Symbol: A lady in fox fur. ASPECTS OF VENUS SQUARE MARS Orb 2°28′ Applying You may have some difficulty being patient with loved ones. You can be aggressive and irritable when others fail to keep up with your activities. You can be equally impatient with yourself. CONJUNCTION NEPTUNE Orb 0°05′ Applying You yearn for romance within your personal relationships. You are seeking an ideal and perfect partner, who only exists in fairy tales. You become disillusioned with the imperfections of relationships and seek solace in a fantasy world. You need to face the realities and imperfections of yourself and others. Then you will be able to share beauty, art and creative pursuits with your partners. MARS MARS IN SAGITTARIUS You are an inspirational leader, and have a strong desire for exploration and adventure. You may be one-pointed in your desires. 16TH DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Left iliac vein Sabian Symbol: Sea gulls watching a ship. ASPECTS OF MARS SQUARE NEPTUNE Orb 2°23′ Separating This is a time for resting, escaping, or taking a break as we reconsider our needs. We might temporarily lose focus or direction. JUPITER JUPITER IN SCORPIO You are on an intense search for the truth. You have strong desires for sexual union and joint enterprises. You could be a transformative teacher. 23RD DEGREE OF SCORPIO Part of Body: Nasal bone, fimbria of Fallopian tubes Sabian Symbol: A bunny metamorphosed into a fairy. ASPECTS OF JUPITER SEXTILE PLUTO Orb 2°24′ Separating You have a chance to achieve a great deal. Your knowledge is broad as you are interested in so many things. You may make a career in the occult or studying the deepest mysteries of life. TRINE CHIRON Orb 3°58′ Separating You have the gift of wisdom. You trust your own intuitive nature, and are able to teach others on the spiritual path. You are able to encompass other people’s personal philosophies without feeling threatened, so that others trust you with their spiritual problems. SATURN SATURN IN CAPRICORN Conservation, moderation, definition, structure, simplicity, and realism are themes now. We might also be striving for more authority in a particular area of our lives now. This is a time for making clear choices and decisions, for weeding out what isn’t working for us, and for letting go of lost causes, particularly related to our life path choices, careers, and long-term goals. (from December 19, 2017, to March 21, 2020; and then from July 1 to December 17, 2020). 7TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Left adductor muscle Sabian Symbol: A veiled prophet of power. URANUS URANUS IN ARIES The urge to start fresh, to break free from restrictive attitudes or circumstances, to totally redesign an area of our lives (or even our personalities), and to gain freedom through independence is strong during this cycle. (May 27, 2010, to August 13, 2010, then March 11th, 2011, to May 15, 2018, then November 6, 2018, to March 6, 2019). 26TH DEGREE OF ARIES Part of Body: Skull Sabian Symbol: A man possessed of more gifts than he can hold. NEPTUNE NEPTUNE IN PISCES A long-term influence in which fantasy, imagination, compassion, and spirituality are in stronger focus. (April 4, 2011, to August 4, 2011, then February 3, 2012, to March 30, 2025, then October 22, 2025, to January 26, 2026) 14TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Right cutaneous veins Sabian Symbol: A lady in fox fur. PLUTO PLUTO IN CAPRICORN Tests of our boundaries; breaking down and rebuilding structures and rules. (From January 25, 2008, to June 14, 2008, then November 26, 2008, to March 23, 2023, then June 11, 2023, to January 20, 2024, then September 1, 2024, to November 19, 2024). 21ST DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Tendons of left knee Sabian Symbol: A relay race. Chiron, Major Asteroids, and Moon’s Nodes: in Sign and in Aspect CHIRON CHIRON IN PISCES Strong awareness of our own vulnerabilities and humanity stimulates compassion for others. (April 20 to July 20, 2010, then February 8, 2011, to April 17, 2018, then September 25, 2018, to February 18, 2019). 27TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Phalanges of right foot Sabian Symbol: A harvest moon. VESTA VESTA IN SAGITTARIUS You have the ability to work relentlessly for a cause in which you believe. You need to make sure you do not exclude other people’s points of view. You have visions and enjoy the adventure of discovery in your work. 17TH DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Sciatic nerve Sabian Symbol: An easter sunrise service. PALLAS PALLAS IN TAURUS You have the ability to see the beauty in nature and the arts. You have much common sense and wisdom. You may become involved in either healing with your hands, or healing the earth through environmental movements. 12TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Cervical and brachial plexi Sabian Symbol: A young couple walk down main-street, window-shopping. JUNO JUNO IN AQUARIUS You want the freedom to be your own person in your relationship. If this is not available you become rebellious and unreliable. You are unlikely to be comfortable in a traditional relationship. 30TH DEGREE OF AQUARIUS Part of Body: Connections in lower leg Sabian Symbol: Moon-lit fields, once babylon, are blooming white. CERES CERES IN LEO You feel cared for when other people play with you and praise you. You like to show others you care for them by encouraging their creative talents and sense of fun. 8TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Inferior vena cava Sabian Symbol: A bolshevik propagandist. THE NORTH NODE THE NORTH NODE IN LEO This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world. 15TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Right atrium Sabian Symbol: A street pageant. THE SOUTH NODE THE SOUTH NODE IN AQUARIUS This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world. 15TH DEGREE OF AQUARIUS Part of Body: Lymph vessels of right lower leg Sabian Symbol: Two lovebirds sitting on a fence. **Conjunctions to Select Fixed Stars on February 21, 2018** Aspects to Mer 06°Pi29 -10°43′ Cnj 05°Pi33 DENEB ADIGE Artistic, strong will. Aspects to Nod 14°Le48 +16°23′ Cnj 15°Le27 DUBHE Loving but forceful SHARE THIS: EmailFacebookTwitterTumblrGoogleReddit Filed Under: Daily Astrology, Today Tagged With: February 21, Mercury Saturn transit, Mercury sextile Saturn, Venus conjunct Neptune, Venus Neptune transit  « Astrology of Today – Tuesday, February 20, 2018Astrology of Today – Thursday, February 22, 2018 » Leave a Reply   Search this website … Search Cafe Astrology Cafe Astrology Home Cafe Astrology Free Reports Recent Astrology of Today – Friday, February 23, 2018 Astrology of Today – Thursday, February 22, 2018 Astrology of Today – Wednesday, February 21, 2018 Astrology of Today – Tuesday, February 20, 2018 Astrology of Today – Monday, February 19, 2018 In this post First Quarter Moon‌ The Moon is waxing‌ Tags Jupiter Neptune transit Mars-Pluto transit Mars Ceres transit Mars Chiron transit Mars Jupiter transit Mars Neptune transit Mars Pluto transit Mars Saturn transit Mars Uranus transit Mercury Chiron transit Mercury Jupiter transit Mercury Mars transit Mercury Neptune transit Mercury Pluto transit Mercury Saturn transit Mercury semi-square Venus Mercury square Mars Mercury square Neptune Mercury square Pluto Mercury square Uranus Mercury Uranus transit Mercury Venus transit Sun Chiron transit Sun conjunct Mercury Sun Jupiter transit Sun Mars transit Sun Mercury transit Sun Neptune transit Sun Pluto transit Sun Saturn transit Sun sextile Jupiter Sun sextile Saturn Sun square Neptune Sun Uranus transit Venus-Mars transit Venus Chiron transit Venus Jupiter transit Venus Mars transit Venus Neptune transit Venus Pluto transit Venus Saturn transit Venus sextile Uranus Venus square Saturn Venus square Uranus Venus Uranus transit  Previous  Subscribe via Email Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts by email. Email Address Email Address Subscribe Current Planetary Positions 2/21/2018 7:31:41 PM Sun 03° Pisces 27' 15" Moon 18° Taurus 11' 03" Mercury 07° Pisces 19' 00" Venus 13° Pisces 59' 04" Mars 16° Sagittarius 10' 15" Jupiter 22° Scorpio 52' 16" Saturn 06° Capricorn 47' 07" Uranus 25° Aries 37' 55" Neptune 13° Pisces 32' 18" Pluto 20° Capricorn 26' 44" Chiron 26° Pisces 51' 06" TrueNode 14° Leo 48' 08" R Subscribe to Blog via Email Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Email Address Email Address Subscribe Categories  Archives  February 2018 M T W T F S S « Jan 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Copyright © 2018 · Astrology Cafe by Cafe Astrology

[lowwkeykitty-blog]

answer all of them b

Ugh ok1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?i don't wanna say but no I don't2. are you artistic?i like to believe that i am 3. Have you had your first kiss?yes4. What is your life goal?just to be a decent human being ig and be successful 5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?yes 6. Do you play any sports?i have track, baseball, basketball 7. What’s your worst fear?everyone leaving me and cats not existing 8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?Connor Franta 9. Do you have any cool talents?Not really idk10. are you a morning person?no no no no no no 11. How do you feel about pet names?YES YES YES12. Do you like to read?im getting into it more yes13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.i don't watch much TV but the food network yea😹14. Do you care about your follower count?no not really just that I have a couple that care about me 15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?not telling😉16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?yes17. Do you have any pets?yes a lot 18. Are you religious?no19. Are you a people person?i can be20. Are you considered popular?to some21. What is one of your bad habits?forgetting things, my temper, biting my nails 22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?...23. What would you name your children?I like the name Rose/Rosie for a girl idk for a boy 24. Who’s your celebrity crush?Connie Frannie, Calum Hood25. What’s your best subject?Math26. Dogs or cats?Cats all the way27. most used social media besides tumblr?Instagram28. best friends name?Bloof, Kev29. who does your main family consist of?Idk what that means30. Chocolate or sugar?Neither but why tf would I just eat sugar??31. have you ever been on a date?Yes32. Do you like roller coasters?Not really 33. Can you swim?Yes 34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse?I don't have a clue 35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?Yes and still am36. Are your parents together?No 37. What’s your favorite color?Green 38. What country are you from/do you live in?United States 39. Favorite singer?That's a hard one ... I can't choose 40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?Nope41. Do you like dresses?On girls yes42. Favorite song right now?You there by: Aquilo 43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Nope 44. How old were you when you first got your period?I'm a male45. Have you ever shot a gun?Yes46. Have you ever done yoga?Yes47. Are you a horror girl?No?48. Are you good at giving advice?Sometimes yes49. Tell us a story about your childhood.I didn't like my childhood.50. How are you doing today?Eh.51. Were you a cute kid?I think so 52. Can you dance?I'd like to think so53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?Singing, loving cats54. Have you ever dyed your hair?No55. What color are your eyes?Green56. What’s your favorite animal?Cats 57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?Yes..58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?No59. Do you have good friends?Yes60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?Yes61. What’s your favorite class?I liked math and English 62. List all the tv shows you are watching.I'm not watching any63. Are you organized?Yes very64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?A Dogs Purpose it was great 1000/1065. Which tv character do you relate to most? Idk68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?My disorders69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?Traveling 70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?Idk71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?Actually me myself 72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?Idk73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?Yes74. When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?Last year75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?Comfort 76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?Nothing 77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?A vet and that's still what I wanna be 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?Idk79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?Ig when I was getting abused 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.College. Ha.81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?Crazy82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?Idk83. How would you spend a billion dollars?Donating it probably 84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?Future definitely 85. What motivates you to succeed?My friends 86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?Woods it's quiet there aesthetic88. Do you believe in life after death?Sorta 89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?My 10th grade English teacher 90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?Idk91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?Connie Frannie bc he's helped a lot 92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?No93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?That not everyone is going to always love you 94. What do you think happens after we die?Idfk 95. What would you do if you would be invisible?Fuck with people 96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try? Whistle 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?No98. How did your first crush develop?Idk99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?Heartbreak 100. Do you live or do you just exist?Just exist for now.

[happylive4y]

10 Tips for Success In Life and Business

New Post has been published on http://happy-live.info/10-tips-success-life-business/

10 Tips for Success In Life and Business

There is a saying that goes, “Success does not lie in results but in efforts.

Being the best is not so important. Doing the best is all that matters.”

This is very true.

All too often when people think of success, they think that they should be the best in their field.

Or they should have the biggest house or the flashiest car… or millions of dollars in the bank account.

Success in life goes beyond material possessions and the number in your bank account. It’s about living life to the fullest and knowing that you gave it your all. To live a life according to your own terms and with very few regrets is success.

The concepts of success are very simple. Anybody can understand them and most people do. Application of these concepts, however, is quite another story. Which explains why only the minority succeed.

1. Don’t think – Know and act.

This is without a doubt the most important tip of the lot. Success is not a coincidence but a consequence… and it’s a consequence of your actions.

The majority of people who never succeed in life invariably have one common trait. They never take action. They hem and they haw and never put their plan into action. Planning does not get results. Only doing does.

Do not keep thinking about what you’re going to do or what you will do. JUST DO! This is the key. Form a plan, do your research so that you know what you’re doing and then… EXECUTE the plan. Don’t wait, just start!

Instead of taking notes about which exercises are the best for weight loss, put on your shoes and start running. Instead of hanging out in online forums reading advice from other clueless people, take action. You can learn and learn and learn and go nowhere.

The best thing is to start doing and learn as you go. Most people are stuck in a kind of inertia where they just never get started. By consciously forcing yourself to take action, you’ll attenuate this ‘lethargy and inertia’ that’s holding you back. This and only this will catapult you to success.

  Bill Gates’s Top 10 Rules For Success

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq-gba5nMrc

  2. Define your goals clearly

You must know what you want. If you’re undecided about your goals and have a flippant attitude about how you’re going to achieve them, you will be like a sailboat without any course that’s just tossed around by the prevailing winds.

Write your goals down in a list. Make them as specific as you can. State why you want to achieve them and how you’ll feel when you do reach your goals. You must define your ‘why’ and be absolutely clear about it. Give yourself a time frame to achieve your goals.

Look at your list often so that you remember what you need to do… and then go do what you have to do so that you can see success and then be able to do what you want to do.

3. Don’t rest on your laurels

This is a very common mistake that can turn a successful person into a failure.

If the phrase ‘Resting on your laurels’ you could be summarized in one word, that word would be COMPLACENCY.

There are so many examples of people who did succeed at what they set out to do and once they got there, they were so happy and contented that they relaxed and assumed that things would always be rosy.

After a while, they realized that while they were ‘resting’, the roses wilted and the weeds took the garden.

You must always be alert.

If you’ve lost all your excess fat and you have a fantastic body now, that’s great. Enjoy it and be proud of yourself… BUT… do not assume that you’ll stay lean forever.

If you let your diet slide and sneak in a doughnut here and a milkshake there, it’s only a matter of time before all those pounds come sneaking back in. Next thing you know, you’re fatter than you’ve ever been before.

The same applies to your spouse. Give them the same attention that you did before you married. If you let that slide and think you closed the deal by tying the knot, it’s just a matter of time before you’ll be signing the divorce papers.

Always keep moving. A rolling stone gathers no moss.

4. Constantly motivate yourself.

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This is of paramount importance.

Everyone is excited at the beginning of the year when they’re listing their goals and resolutions because of the promise of what is to come.

The truth of the matter is that it will take time to achieve your goals.

During this time, your interest will start to wane and you will lose the drive to keep going through the hard yards.

This is where most people throw in the towel and fail. They’ve lost sight of the promise.

The key to staying on track with your goals and succeeding in life is motivation.

Do not abnegate your personal responsibility of motivating yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

You could attend a seminar by some famous motivational guru and be pumped up for a week… but you can rest assured that the ‘high’ will dissipate.

What then? Who is going to motivate you?

The answer is you… because you’re all you’ve got. Write your goals down and most importantly, write down why you’re doing what you’re doing. What is the emotional reason behind it? Write it all down.

Whenever you feel like the journey is just too much effort, look at your list of goals and ask yourself why you started. This should give you the impetus to keep going. Still not motivated? Write it all down again… and again… and again.

You MUST motivate yourself often!

5. Don’t be afraid of failure.

Always realize that failure is not the opposite of success.

It is a part of success.

Far too many people never do what their heart desires because they’re stifled by fear.

The lady who loves art chooses a career in finance because of job security.

She hates her job and is miserable all her life.

The man who wants to travel the world and blog about his experiences as a global wanderer ends up tying the knot at 24 and has 2 kids because all his friends are getting married and settling down.

It just seems crazy and immature to do what he wants to. Years later he’ll look back and wonder… “What if?”

Don’t end up in a “What if?” situation. You’ll find success if you pursue your true calling in life and not turn them into lost opportunities just because you were trying to be practical or following the herd.

You must follow your heart and your dreams without fear of failure. That’s the only way to live a life without regret. You can’t succeed at what you don’t do.

In the event that you do pursue your dreams and fail repeatedly, don’t let these failures discourage you. Fall seven times, get up eight.

The difference between the winners and losers is that the winners failed more and kept going. Learn from each failure, correct your course and keep moving forward. This is the only way to succeed and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

6. Don’t compare yourself to others.

This is a simple one. Stop worrying about what others are doing. It’s human nature to measure one’s self against others.

Guys at the gym see who can bench press more or who has bigger muscles.

Women tend to judge other women’s bodies very harshly just to feel better about themselves.

Businessmen compare their earnings and net worth with their peers to feel superior and wealthier.

None of these is necessary. There’s no point in comparing yourself with anyone because there will always be those who are better off than you… and there will be those who are worse off. So, it’s pointless to compare.

If you constantly measure yourself up against those better than you, you’ll be bitter, discontented and miserable. That’s no way to live life.

If you compare yourself against those who’re worse off, you’ll not be motivated to do better for yourself since you already think that you’re a success… and this will lead to complacency. If you’ve been following this guide so far, you know what happens when you rest on your laurels.

So, your personal motto should always be to better your own personal best. You are your biggest competition. Always strive to be better today than you were yesterday.

If you focus on beating your own achievements, you will reap success over and over. Your only limit is you.

7. Keep your calm.

We live in a world where the majority of people are very quick to react.

They’re either waiting to get offended or curse and swear at their current situation.

In Rudyard Kipling’s poem ‘If’, his very first line was “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you,”… “Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it.”

In simple words, do not be quick to anger or become overly emotional.

Do not make decisions based on haste or fury.

Millions of people have been to prison because they lost their minds for a split second and did something they regretted.

Extricate yourself from any unfavorable situations so that you can keep a level head. If you’re struggling to lose weight and give in to temptation and eat something you shouldn’t have, don’t curse yourself and give up on your goal.

In times of failure, take a deep breath and stay focused. Analyze what went wrong and remedy what you can. Don’t run around screaming and blaming everyone else. If you truly want to be successful in life, reining in your emotions and staying cool is a skill you must have.

The same boiling water that softens potatoes hardens eggs. It’s all about what you’re made of, not your circumstances.

8. Eat, sleep and spend in moderation.

This may sound simple but millions fail at it. Eat clean and eat in moderation. Food is fuel, not therapy. So many people eat when they’re happy, they eat when they’re sad, they eat when they’re bored… It just doesn’t end. Eat only when you’re hungry. It’s fine to occasionally indulge but know your limits. Obesity has reached epidemic proportions because of poor diet choices and overeating.

Sleep soundly but don’t sleep your life away. 6 to 8 hours of sleep a day is fine. Do not sleep 14 hours a day like a baby. At the other extreme, try not to burn the candles at both ends and leave yourself in a quivering mass of exhaustion because you’re only sleeping 4 hours a day.

Spend your money wisely. One of the most common traits of successful people is that they save their money. Do not spend money that you do not have to buy things that you do not need to impress people who do not care. Save your money diligently.

While these 3 pointers might seem commonplace and almost inane, you’d be shocked to know that millions have ruined their lives just by not getting these three points right.

People who have eaten themselves into disease number by the millions. Just as many people waste precious hours by keeping poor sleeping habits so that they need many more hours of sleep just to feel rested. Then there are the millions more who are in debt, bankrupt or in financial stress from poor spending decisions.

This is the real world and these are hard truths. To succeed in life, you must master yourself.

9. Keep your promises to yourself.

This is something that many people are unaware of.

When you make a promise to yourself and you don’t keep it, on a subconscious level you’ll lose respect for yourself.

You’ll feel like you’re not worth of yourself.

One common example is people who struggle to lose weight.

They have the same weight loss resolutions every year and they never succeed.

They try a hundred different programs and thousand different slimming pills and whatever they do, weight loss eludes them.

The reason for this is that they break their promises to themselves. If you say that you’ll not drink sodas today, then you don’t. Do NOT make an exception and tell yourself, “It’s ok. I’ll work it off tomorrow.”

Yes, you can work it off but you broke a promise to yourself. The next time you tell yourself, I’ll restrict my carbohydrate intake today, on a subconscious level your mind will tell you, “No, you won’t. You always give in.”

And guess what? By noon you’ll give in and have 2 slices of pizza.

When this process is repeated over and over… it becomes a habit. You tell yourself one thing and you do another. You then feel unworthy and blame yourself.

You decide that the ideal bodyweight is just not possible for you. You tell yourself that you have poor genes, no discipline, etc. It all starts with the exceptions.

Always remember. Do not make the exceptions. Do not skip the workouts. Do not indulge in foods that you said you wouldn’t. Stay focused and exercise self-discipline. Keep your promises!

10. Believe and have faith in yourself.

In order to succeed in life or business, you must believe that you can do it. If you didn’t, you’d never start. You must believe that whatever you desire is within reach. After all, if it wasn’t, why bother?

So believe it and you’ll see it. Have faith in yourself. There may be times when you’re dogged by failure and nothing seems to work. It’s during these times that it’s imperative that you do NOT give up.

It is always darkest before the dawn. If you stay on track and keep at it success will be yours.

Conclusion These 10 tips are simple to understand and you’ve most probably heard them before. Yet, you’re still reading this because on a subconscious level, you know it helps to see them again.

Keep these tips in mind at all times and apply them over and over.

Initially, it may be difficult and you’re bound to fumble and flounder… but with practice and repetition, it will become second nature and you will be a living embodiment of success.