#sexualization of bottom dysphoria/discussion +

[wangxianficfinder]

I'm in the mood for...

Aug 13th

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1. Any wangxian fanfics with straight wei wuxian having a sexuality crisis over lan wangji?

ao3 has been erroring out for me when I try to get to my bookmarks , maybe because I have so many? but for #1 , there is a tag "straight boy wei ying" /"Wei wuxian in denial about sexuality" that will give great fics. when I can get to my bookmarks I'll add my faves

show me how you do that trick by ilip13 (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern Setting Porn with Feelings, The Porn Is the Plot, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, straight boy wwx, with an aspec twist, Sexuality Crisis, Voyeurism, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Anal Sex, Switching, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Slow Burn, Except for the sex that part is on fire soooo fast, sexuality realization, Feelings Realization, Happy Ending)

The Cause Of This Fair Gift In Me Is Wanting by Alliandra (E, 47k, WangXian, LQY/QS, Modern AU, High School, College/University, Time Skips, Slow Burn, Pining, LWJ POV, LWJ Fucks, WWX dates, "Straight Boy" WWX, Homophobia, Non-Graphic Violence, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Reference, d Suicide, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Overstimulation, Light Bondage, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Getting Together, Ableist Language, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, Queer Themes)

I search myself (I want you to find me) by ilip13 (E, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff and Smut, The Porn Is the Plot, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Self-Discovery, Adolescent Sexuality, Slight Gender Feels, Masturbation, Fantasizing, Voyeurism, (sort of), Exhibitionism, (also sort of), Lingerie, Explicit Het Content)

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2. Hi! Do you have any fic recs for fic where wwx come back as someone else other than mxy? I remember seeing one where he ends up as Qin Su @fysmiin

You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag (M, 64k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Ghost!WWX, Mystery, LWJ plays inquiry, AU from after the Wens came to Lotus Pier, Most people lived, not everybody died, Angst with a Happy Ending, river spirit!WWX, Angst and Feels, description of murder, imminent smut, Execution, Dogs, Poisons, Discussion of Attempted Murder, BAMF WWX, Family Feels)

To Deserve So Much More by renysen (T, 19k, wangxian, getting together, one big happy family, no angst, getting engaged, family feels, female bodied WWX) ofc summons wwx to defend her family's besieged manor.

🔒Femme Fatale by coffeepie (E, 76k, WIP, WWX/WC, WWX/WRH, WWX/WZL, WWX/JGS, Porn, Smut, Possession, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Penis In Vagina Sex, Anal Sex, Masturbation, Aphrodisiacs, Rough Sex, Minor WangXian, Canon Divergence, Oral Sex, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Strangulation, Object Insertion, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Blood and Injury, Somnophilia, Belly Bulge) WIP. wwx wakes up in wlj's body before the sunshot campaign. cw lots of sex with wc.

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao)) qs summoning jyl-centric but includes someone else summoning wwx as well

patching the road with vague intentions by loosingletters (T, 39k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Humor, Developing Friendships, WWX Resurrected By Others, Trans WWX, Case Fic, POV WWX, POV LQR, Family, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, MXY Lives) WIP. ofc lwj was arranged to marry after wwx's death summons wwx. lwj hasn't appeared yet.

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos by dvasva (M, 127k, WIP, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Functionally Trans Character, Mild Sexual Content, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, Transphobia, Good Parents LWJ and WWX, Pining, WWX is a Tease, Grief/Mourning, Body Dysphoria, Fake Marriage, Canonical Character Death, Misunderstandings, Doting LWJ, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, WWX is not in MXY's body, Misgendering, Mild Angst, Assumptions, Comedic Elements, non-sexual nudity, Blood, Discussion of Various Bodily Functions, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, 4 years of mourning instead of 13, Méishān Yú Sect, POV Multiple, Corporal Punishment, Trans WWX, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, pregnancy mention, Timeline What Timeline, Sexual Harassment Threats) WIP. ofc lwj was arranged to marry after wwx's death summons wwx. wangxian starts early.

Friends, Sabers, and Other Essentials for Solving a Conspiracy by MeridianGrimm (T, 50k, NHS & WWX, LWJ & NHS, WangXian, Humor, Friendship, Love, Mystery, Canon Divergence, Smart NHS, WWX doesn't stay dead, LWJ gets a new friend, Happy Ending, Fix-It, To be clear the WangXian is mostly background, This fic is about friendship) NHS does a modified summoning

Karma's a Bitch (It's Me, I'm The Bitch) by loosingletters (T, 8k, SS & OC, WWX & OC, Minor Character Death, Canon Divergence, Suicidal Thoughts, Resurrection, Moling Su Sect, Cultivation Sect Politics, Body Dysphoria, WWX is NOT in MXY's Body, Unreliable Narrator, Assassination) Su sect oc summons wwx.

❤️ Beauty and the Boot by PTchan (T, 44k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Genderbending, Denial, Fem!WWX, WangXian kids, Crack-ish, WIP) seemingly-abandoned WIP. OFC summons wwx.

So You Want to Start a War by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 41k, WIP, MY/QS, MY/WWX, WangXian, Reincarnation, Half-Sibling Incest Mention!, QS does the ritual instead of MXY, WWX as a woman, MY Is His Own Warning, Canon Divergence, Impersonation, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Please check the notes before reading a chapter, Timeline What Timeline, WWX Has PTSD) WIP. qs summons wwx.

sweet hay and the flowers rising by Shializaro (T, 4k, WangXian, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mentions of Violence, Alcohol, Humor) qs summons wwx.

Crowded by nirejseki (G, 1k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, LWJ/NHS/WWX, canon divergence, different body offering ritual, atypical relationship dynamics, sentient sabers) NHS does a modified summoning (short fic)

❤️ The Book’s Cover by Eudoxia (E, 50k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not in MXY’s body, canon retelling, humor, demisexual LWJ, genderqueer WWX, smut) OFC summons WWX. this is probably my favorite one of all these.

Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark, lingeringdust (E, 46k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Franken-canon, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death) Qin Su summons WWX.

Chapter 1-23 of The Tales of Despereaux by stiltonbasket (T, 36k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, (when applicable)) Chapters 1-23 are "What if Qin Su summoned Wei Wuxian?" A prologue is linked in the author's note.

Wei Wuxian keeps / gets his OG body / Resurrected by someone other than MXY Comp

Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by EHyde (G, 3k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, 5+1 Things, Angst, [Podfic] Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by sisi_rambles)

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3. Hey! I have only once asked for a fic before but this is for a Itmf , can you recommend any dark lwj fic? Not just after wwx’s death but lwj protecting wwx or joining him in demonic cultivation, even better if wwx runs yiling wei sect^-^

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)

🔒 Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, wangxian, major character death, time travel fix-it, dark LWJ, dark LXC, dark gusu lan, temporary character death, not JC friendly, angst, hurt/comfort, WIP)

🔒 At heart by apathyinreverie (M, 36k, WangXian, WIP, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Revea, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, kind of, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, Possessive WWX, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

Until The World Embraces Me Home by azri (T, 5k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ LWJ, LWJ Has No Golden Core, Role Reversal, Not LXC Friendly, Not JC Friendly, Not cultivation world friendly overall tbh, Sunshot Campaign, Friends to Lovers, Temporary Character Death, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

Corrupted Core by The_Gourmet_Gamer (M, 16k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Grief/Mourning, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Sad with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds)

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4. Hello 👋

I'm in the mood for Twitter wangxian fic threads,i don't mind it if it's modern or not, but I don't like bottomji or switch wangxian

You might enjoy our Twitter comp

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5. Hello! Thanks for your work. Are there any Wangxian fics set at the Olympics? @chalionkat (previous ask moved to FF - mod C)

Our Sports AU Compilation has a Olympics au section you can check out 😊

and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Modern Cultivation, Rivalry, Competition, Competition-Set Fic, Athletes, Multimedia, Miscommunication, frenemies to lovers, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Seemingly One-sided But Actually Mutual Pining, Oblivious WWX, Competitive Cultivation, Anal Sex, First Time, Angst with a Happy Ending, Olympics, Inappropriate use of an Olympic gold medal, Breathplay, Rough Sex, Food Porn, Tanabata, Lily’s back on her Qixi bullshit, Switching, Bottom LWJ) this has cultivation Olympics

🔒 Dance Me to the End by venagrey (E, 35k, WangXian, Modern, Skating, 2021-2022 Figure Skating Season, No Pandemic, teammates to friends to lovers, Eventual Smut, mixed signals: on ice, Oblivious WWX, Bisexual WWX, mortifying ordeal of being known, slightly nonlinear timeline, Unreliable Narrator, gratuitous descriptions of skating, first time nudes, Accidental Phone Sex, WWX is Very Flexible, YOI homage, not actually a crossover, IRL skating homage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, a little gnc for added zest, inappropriate use of medals, Rimming, Winter Olympics)

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6. Hi! This is for ITMF where WWX is a king maker/advisor/spy master or something like Foot on the brakes, screaming there's a red light by Lookingkindofdumb or Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei

Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

🔒 Half Agony, Half Hope by queenklu (T, 105k, WangXian, LXC/JGY, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC/NMJ, Jane Austen Fusion, persuasion au, Pining, Broken Engagement, Secrets, Espionage, Child Injury, Terrible Parents (YZY & JFM), Past Child Neglect) maybe? Wei Ying was a spy during the war.

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7. Hello!!. i need need need to know if theres any more fics like A Street Kid Named Wuxian where wwx isnt adopted by any sect and just grows up on the strrets/ poor or an orphan @yesibest

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Developing Friendships, lots of OCs, miscommunication and misunderstandings (they’re idiots your honor), Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Slow Burn) fits but Wei Ying lived in Yiling until he's around 17 and then gets invited to train with the Lans for a year. It doesn't go into a lot detail about his life on the streets but he is poor throughout his childhood and into his teens.

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) link in #14 Not sure if this fits as while WWX does grow up on the streets without being adopted into a sect, it's down to time travel, with his soul being sent back to his child body, so he has knowledge of the future & cultivation, so he gets to cheat a little & be more than a normal street kid

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8. Hello, I was wondering if you and the lovely community could help me find selkie-style creature fics? In myth, a selkie is a seal creature who can shed its fur and walk on land as a human. Whoever holds the fur has control over the selkie because they cannot transform back without it. So I am looking for similar themes in WangXian fics! I just read Burn It All Down by nekojita which suggested this would happen with Jiang Cheng holding one of Wei Wuxian’s dragon scales, but the wip hasn’t been updated to finish that portion of the story! So I come to you, looking for more “I control you as long as I hold this part of you captive” stories. Thank you for any recs you can suggest! <3

never love an anchor by tardigradeschool (T, 31k, WangXian, Selkies, No Powers, Historical, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Pining, Angst, Happy Ending, The Inherent Eroticism of the Sea, PTSD, Presumed Dead, Drowning)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending) this might work? It has Dragon!LWJ whose dragon is missing. While no one actually uses it to control him in the story, the possibility that someone could is a major driver of the plot.

Lanterns To Guide You Home by cuttlefeeeeeeeeesh (T, 7k, WangXian, Mutual Pining, Mythology, Selkie AU, Fisherman LWJ, Selkie WWX, Sorta Established Relationship, Fluff, Soft (tm)) might like Lanterns to Guide You Home? It's a bit of a twist on the selkie trope, being less about captivity and more about wangxian reuniting/mutually pining years after being married, but I think it would still appeal to a reader who likes selkie stories. And it's a lovely fic!

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9. Hi! For the ITMF, I was wondering if there are any fics where WWX knows a bit more about MXY when he wakes up in his body? By viewing MXYs memories maybe, or something like that? Just, I want him to be able to act like MXY better and understand his situation better. Is there anything like that? Thanks in advance! @hikato-chan

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10. Hi! This is for ITMF. Is there a fic where WWX tells JYL (or someone else really) that he trust LWJ but not his clan/sect? Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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11. ITMF a fic that takes place during the Cloud Recesses study arc, in the scene where WWX gets LWJ drunk. Something goes different: a kiss? A love confession? A fist fight? @luliaka

Cartwheels In Cloud Recesses Series by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 23k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)

You Are My Euphoria by orphan_account (M, 17k, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff, making out, 5+1, pining)

it’s just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Romance, Fluff, Pining LWJ, Humor, Courting Rituals, Teen Wangxian)

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12. itmf some concubine wwx, following canon as mich as possible? something along the lines of the concubine mo series by enigmatree

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13. Itmf:

A) some wwx realizing that he's been abused as a child (for example: Madame Yu) and having to accept that actually the adults in his life kind of suck (no Jiang Yanli bashing pls ♡)

B) wwx being raped and his recovery

Thank you 💕

13A)

🔒💙 Holding shreds by barisan (T, 5k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Body Swap, Not for sexy shenanigans, Chronic Pain, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, POV WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jiāng Family Bashing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Getting Together, Smart WWX)

🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric)

🔒 Warming up (to him) by barisan (T, 9k, LQR & WWX, WangXian, Hypothermia, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Temporary Character Death, Medical Inaccuracies, YZY Abuses WWX, JFM Bashing, pre-wangxian, Good Uncle LQR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

so i cut the shackles and changed my name by MichelleFeather (T, 9k, WangXian, LQR & LWJ, LQR & CSSR, LQR & WWX, CSSR/WCZ, WWX & The Lan Clan, WIP, WWX Leaves the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, WWX is a Lan, Good Uncle LQR, Supportive LQR, Protective LQR, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, JFM & YZY Bashing, Jiang Family Bashing, Abusive Jiang Family, Running Away, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Hurt WWX, Genius WWX, No Sunshot Campaign, Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cultivation Sect Politics, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Divergence, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, WRH isn't a power hungry tyrant, mostly)

Just go forward like you mean it by tawaen (M, 101k, WangXian, WWX & WN &WQ, WWX & JYL, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWx does not attend the Wen indoctrination, WWX saves Lotus Pier, Inventor WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Sect Leader JYL, JC Has No Golden Core, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not JC Friendly, but he gets a happier ending than canon so don't look here for bashing) WWX gets frustrated with how unconcerned JFM is regarding the Wens & ends up leaving. Features sect leader JYL

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) WWX realises he's been poorly treated by the Jiangs & defects. However it could be seen as JYL bashing depending on how you define bashing. She does ignore her family's treatment of WWX & later tries to stop his wedding to LWJ, but she's portrayed as meaning well & just wanting to avoid conflict, & believing she is saving him from a forced marriage. Up to you whether that counts as bashing

13B)

🧡 Heaven Has No Rage by flipfloppandas (M, 51k, WWX & YZY, JFM/YZY,  implied wangxian, WWX/WC, WWX/others, rape/non-con, modern, hurt/comfort, protective YZY, good parent YZY, hospitals, medical procedures, vomiting, trauma) focuses more on the immediate aftermath Wei Ying being raped but does touch on the beginnings of his recovery.

feast and famine by luckymarrow (E, 49k, wangxian, rape/non-con, aftermath of gang rape, modern au, trauma, PTSD, medical procedures, rape recovery, non-consensual drug use, hurt/comfort, angst w/ happy ending, mind all the tags) Rape/recovery and the ripples across the friend group. JYL is the glue that holds everyone together. It's a gut-wrenching, amazeballs fic.

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14. Hii, I'm itmf some good coming of age fanfics!

🔒 Flowers Blooming by Ilona22 (M, 35k, WangXian, Adoption, Prostitution, Family Fluff, Family Drama, Growing Up)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 128k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, Happy Ending, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, Módào Zǔshī & The Untamed Combination, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Bad Parent JFM, Bad Parent YZY, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Angst, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Idiots in Love)

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)

🔒 Life is Like a Stranger by through_shadows_falling (T, 69k, wangxian, Kid Fic, Child LWJ, Child WWX, First Meetings, Canon Divergence, Cute Kids, Orphan WWX, Autism Spectrum, Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Canon, POV LWJ, Growing Up Together, WWX raised at Cloud Recesses, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Puberty, Growing Up, Coming Out, teenage angst, Wet Dream, Pining, This fic gets a little raunchier as the kids become teens, But it won’t get too explicit, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Spanish Translation, Brief mentions/moments of WWX kissing others in chapter 22 but only on the cheek, also characters kiss WWX on the cheek in chapter 23, but his real first kiss is with LWJ, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian)

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15. Hey!!

So i was wondering if there are any fics where wangxian have a cute little couple’s argument..they make up in the end obv, i don’t really prefer heavy angst. Just a normal couple’s argument. @honestlyewww

tipping point by cherrywhiskey (M, 13k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Married Life, Bickering, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Fights, Arguing, Making Up, Angry Kissing, Making Out, Modern AU, POV Alternating, Fighting)

you became my husband when i first laid my eyes on you by bunnylan (weiyingpretty) (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Era, Fluff, Boyfriends, Cute, Tik Tok Challenge, Husbands, Established Relationship)

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16. IMTF wangxian or any one of the two as (a) lawyers (b) teachers trying to hide their relationship from students (c) scientists (biologist, physicist, etc.) any kind

Thank you <3

16A)

🔒 a thousand fragile and unprovable things by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans MXY, MXY Deserves Happiness, Best Dads Wangxian, Handwaving The Legal System With The Power of LWJ, A little bit of angst, mostly soft, Happy Ending, Gender Happiness, Let LWJ Wear Skirts Agenda, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note) Lan Wangji is a lawyer

Close to the Truth by Winglesss (M, 14k, WangXian, Modern AU, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Romantic Comedy, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Tooth-Rotting Fluff) Lan Wangji is a lawyer

Scapegoat by Anonymous (E, 216k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Trials, Lawyer LWJ, Defendant WWX, Courtroom Drama, False Accusations, Criminal Investigation, Threats of Violence, Hurt WWX, Protective LWJ, Childhood Trauma, Murder Mystery, Pining, Soft WangXian, Slow Burn, Domestic Bliss, Happy Ending, Found Family, Bad Parent YZY, neutral jc, Good Sibling JYL, neutral lxc, Bad Uncle LQR, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, POV Alternating, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, Pining while fucking, Belly Bulge, Gentle Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Neck Kissing, Eventual Smut, porn in chapter 15, Praise Kink, Homophobia, chapter specific TWs will be in top notes, Power Play, Power Imbalance, Wet Dream)

16C)

🔒 at first sight of the sun by sunflowersfield (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern, Coworkers, Fluff, Neurodiversity, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, First Dates, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort) Lan Wangji is a researcher at a forest preserve in at first sight of the sun

A Cyborg’s Three Laws by @joshua-beeking, FairyGardenCorgis (M, 194k, WangXian, Future, Cyborgs, Science Fiction, Science Boyfriends, Romance, Slow Burn, Medical Procedures, Surgery, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ has RA, Idiot Friends to Idiot Lovers, Medical Assault, Dehumanization, obscene amounts of cuddling, Versatile wangxian)

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17. Hi! I meant to ask this, but I think I haven't yet (it would already be posted otherwise). For the ITMF, are there any fics where WWX, post canon, gets transported timewise into the 13/16 years he was dead? Preferably only for a bit until he figures out how to get back, and while hiding his identity. Thanks for the help! @hikato-chan

Less Than Two Years by wenqing (maniafic) (T, 5k, WangXian, Time Travel, Post-Canon, but also canon divergent, in an alternate universe though, Minor Angst, mostly wwx confusing the kids)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

in the past week or so ive seen a lot of people posting about how there's this oversexualization of trans girls on the site, and I gotta agree, there are way too many people (including other trans women!) who act like we're all dtf 24/7 or always super kinky and horny. I've been tired of that stereotype for ages and i am saying this as a rather sexual trans girl myself...

...but I think people are overcorrecting a bit now, and are starting to veer into "trans women shouldnt be talked about sexually / need to be shielded from it" territory. and, to me, that's really dangerous, because outside of some queer spaces - and even within them- the sexuality of trans girls is heavily scrutinized, as is attraction to us. as much as I dislike certain aspects of the memes and jokes that kickstarted the stereotypes, I'm kinda grateful for them as well. girldick jokes helped with my bottom dysphoria, voice kink shit helped me like my voice, and the whole "tgirl tummy tuesday" thing gave me a lot of confidence in my body where I hated it before. I think this open appreciation of trans sexiness has done a lot for both me and others on tumblr.

again, obviously its got its problems - people end up assuming every trans girl is horny, or only spread positivity if its related to sex with us, and of course the people who do have dysphoria from the things that are being sexualized are left out (like those the "girls without dicks are like angels without wings" memes, ugh, feels icky every time). and on the note of comparing tgirls to angels, we also started getting treated like we're ethereal fertility goddesses and that t4t sex was some inherently sacred ritual. spoiler alert, trans girls are normal-ass people and t4t sex can be holy for the participants but its generally a pretty normal thing to do as well

coming back to the "don't sexualize trans girls" posts now, I think they were initially going in the right direction, but at this point I'm starting to raise an eyebrow at more than a few of them. I'm not gonna whip out the "youre a sex hating puritan if you post about it" accusation because that is obviously wrong but again, I think people are definitely overcorrecting and starting to turn this into a (false) dichotomy when it's not. its a complex topic and each individual trans woman will feel differently about it.

(I feel like the internet just erases any nuance in favor of a two-sided, highly polarized flamewar with unrealistic views on both sides. actually i wouldn't even say this is a super-nuanced discussion because its really not that hard to say "fetishization is bad, but so is suppression of sexuality". will this post just end up being a void scream and people will continue drawing lines between one side and the other? probably. but I am a stubborn bitch and I have hope that we can be reasonable.)

anyways I'll close this off by saying that I wrote this between around 1:30 and 2 AM on terrible sleep the night before, that I hope what I said is coherent enough, and that I will keep being a trans girl who is openly sexual, gets horny over other trans women, and is proud to be transsexy as fuck. I will keep being critical of jokes and trends and memes that stereotype us, even from our own community. I will keep being angry at how poorly us trans folks are treated with regards to our sex lives, bodies, and relationships between the two. I will keep loving and lusting over trans women without fetishizing them. And I will keep doing all of these til the day I die.

[leighsartworks216]

Second Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

Y'ALL I ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY LINKS ON THE FIRST MASTERLIST ASDBHASD

Main Masterlist

First Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

AO3

BG3 Discord

Request Rules

Tag List Form

Astarion

On Purpose - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: self-doubt, references to manipulation, self-deprecation, references to dissociation, dissociation mention, hurt/comfort

-

To Be Warm And Comfy - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: self-deprecation, low self worth

-

Je Te Laisserai Des Mots - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: none

-

A Spawn Could Get Used To This - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: embarrassment

-

No Alarms and No Surprises, Please - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: mentions of murder, tense moments, injury, burning flesh, bruises, bones breaking, blood mention, nausea mention, angst, literal hurt/comfort, soft Astarion moments

-

I Can't Get Enough Of You - AO3 - Astarion x fem!Tav/Reader

SMUT Warnings: vaginal fingering, swearing, references to past sexual abuse (vague), alcohol mention, blood drinking mention

-

Moon Blood - AO3 - Astarion x gn/fem!Tav/Reader (can be read by any gender period haver I just didn't know what to tag it as)

Warnings: blood, blood drinking, period fic, references to sex, swearing

-

Butterfly's Repose - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: nightmares, crying, references to past abuse, low self-worth, hurt/comfort

-

Darlin' I'd Wait For You - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: none

-

Say Something Loving - AO3 - Astarion x male!Tav/Reader

Warnings: manipulation, references to sex, low self-worth, swearing

-

Feel Good - AO3 - Astarion x transmasc!Tav/Reader x Gale Dekarios

Warnings: mentions of chest scars, insecurity, mentions/references to dysphoria, crying, implied sexual antics at the end

-

My Dearest Prince - AO3 - Astarion x male!Tav/Reader

Warnings: arranged marriage, marriage proposal, secret relationship, brief smut, light hurt/comfort, idk how royalty works

-

Just A Trim - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: scissors, brief references to low self-worth, anxiety, pure fluff

-

Follow You Down - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: fear of death, blood, mentions of death/dead bodies, religion, anxiety, fear, being trapped, crying, swearing, angst, hurt/little comfort, possibly OOC

-

Brown Eyes - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: swearing, slight sexual implications

-

Somethin' Stupid (Songfic) - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: alcohol, referenced alcohol consumption, mentions of manipulation, slight hurt/comfort

-

Pretty, Perfect Skin - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

SMUT Warnings: swearing, biting, blood drinking mention, hair pulling

-

Nuptial Bed - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

SMUT Warnings: swearing, explicit smut, blood, blood drinking

Fem and Masc versions on AO3

-

Not Tonight. Not To You. Never Again. - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader (can be read as platonic)

DEALS WITH HEAVY THEMES Warnings: drugging, references to sexual assault, swearing, blood, murder, slight protective Astarion, no actual assault happens, hurt/comfort

-

Good Boy - AO3 - Astarion x transmasc!Tav/Reader x Gale Dekarios

SMUT Warnings: oral (w vagina), threesome, top Astarion, bottom Gale, praise kink, hair pulling, slight scent kink, some nipple play, mentions of top surgery scars

-

You Are Mine. Never Forget It. - AO3 - Ascended Astarion x gn!Spawn!Tav/Reader

SPICY Warnings: ascended Astarion, dom/sub, obedience/controlling, blood, blood drinking

-

The Sleeper VS The Insomniac - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: none

-

Your Rogue - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: swearing, Karen, so many italics

-

Where Can I Touch You? - AO3 - Astarion x gn!plus-size!Tav/Reader

SMUT Warnings: swearing, body and self-worth issues, some discussion of boundaries, oral (Tav receiving), hair pulling, masturbation

-

Migraine Pains - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: migraine descriptions, pain, light angst if you squint, swearing, OOC Shadowheart

-

The Burlesque Boutique - AO3 - Astarion x Tav/Reader

SMUT Warnings: explicit smut, crying, orgasm denial, swearing, one reference to past trauma, pegging

Male/masc/AMAB version

GN/Fem version (strap-on)

-

Safety - AO3 - Astarion & nb!OC

Warnings: references to past abuse, nightmares, swearing, panic, blood

-

Love Sick - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: references to Astarion's 200 years under Cazador

-

A Couple Hours - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: nudity, bathing together, very slight angst

-

This Is Nice - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: references to Astarion's time under Cazador

-

Live For Me - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST

-

Remedies - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: pain, crying

-

Morning Adoration - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: sex mention, talk about how you smell (/pos)

-

Insolent Little Brat - AO3 - Ascended!Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: blood, choking, biting, spicy, (unhealthy) power dynamics

-

Obedient Pet - AO3 - Astarion x male!Tav/Reader

SMUT Warnings: swearing, dacryphilia/crying, dom/sub, collars, gagging, not being able to breathe (for a moment), anal sex, face-fucking, references to punishment

-

Tell Me More (Tomorrow) - AO3 - Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: none

-

Wyll Ravengard

Horn Care - AO3 - Wyll x male!OC

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and food, possibly OOC

-

Cure Wounds - AO3 - Wyll x male!OC

SMUT Warnings: swearing, scratching, marking each other (hickeys), bruises, brief mention of battle scars, anal fingering and sex, possibly OOC

-

Dragon Slayer - AO3 - Wyll x male!OC

Warnings: swearing, crying, hurt/comfort, descriptions of violence

-

Dominate Person - AO3 - Wyll x male!OC

DEALS WITH HEAVY THEMES Warnings: swearing, blood, gore, violence, possession, mentions of vomiting, minor religious reference, grief, character death, broken bones (nose)

-

A Decent Man - AO3 - Wyll x AFAB!Tav/Reader

Warnings: period fic, blood, menstruation, anxiety, embarrassment

-

Halsin Silverbough

Endings and Beginnings - AO3 - Father-figure!Halsin & gn!OC

DEALS WITH HEAVY THEMES Warnings: references to past abuse, depression, self-destructive behaviors, crying, animal death, hurt/comfort

-

Haarlep

Little Mouse - AO3 - Haarlep x Tav/Reader + Raphael

DEALS WITH HEAVY THEMES Warnings: implied non-con, rough sex, vaginal or anal sex, blood

-

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Sex witch, I'm almost 26, afab agender, and I have been trying to have sex for some time but the idea of being on the receiving end of things makes my heart go into a frenzy. I'm more than happy to show my date a great time, but only as a giver. I used to have panic attacks when I dated men. The first woman I got in bed with wanted a lavishly feminine night, with both of us in dresses and her dominating me after a little roleplay of the reverse, which resulted in a screaming breakup because she said I needed therapy before sex if I was expecting fixed positions "like men" in a lesbian relationship. This was of course, before I came out as agender. I'm dating someone very sweet and I want to move forward, but I'm scared of freaking her out or freaking myself out.

I've never had any kind of trauma, unless you count the years of gender dysphoria, but my parents are extremely supportive and my sister even moreso. It's all just me, getting the sudden pang of remixed dysphoria and identity crisis when I'm put in the position where I'll have to accept whatever the other person does to me, even after we've discussed things beforehand. I'm really not having a good time, especially on tumblr where everyone expects the recipient experience to be universal. Is it internalized misogyny at play?

hi anon,

I'm really sorry for the difficulty you've had, and especially the catastrophically uncool response you got from the first woman you hooked up with. if I may be so bold, that's a wildly inappropriate response to finding out that a partner doesn't want to get fucked. taking turns is all fine and well, but if you're worried about enforcing violent patriarchy in the bedroom then surely you shouldn't be screaming at someone for expressing a boundary?

look, anon: I think you're just a stone top. you're down to clown with getting your partners off but don't want to anyone touching you, and that's fine. awesome, even! there's long and noble history of stone tops, pillars of the community. it is literally just another type of sexual preference, and while it may not be compatible with the way every potential partner likes to have sex, it's certainly not a sign of anything wrong with you that needs to be unpacked or pathologized.

I don't see why this would freak your partner out; it's just something to talk about before you have sex. a lot of hurt and misunderstanding can be avoided by just talking through your wants and expectations before sex, ESPECIALLY when there's a Hard No at play like this. talk about what's off the table for you, but also what you DO like and want to do with your partner! boundaries don't take the fun out of sex, they teach you how to make it a better time for everyone, and any potential sexual partner who sees setting expectations for sex as a bad thing is someone who needs to be taken off of the "potential partner" list immediately.

lastly no, it's not misogyny to not want to bottom. there is no moral component to sexual proclivities, especially not in this case.

[aroace-ventplace]

I'm seriously wondering if I'm aroace, and the thought terrifies me. I'm scared of being alone forever. Because I want a connection like romance, but something just icks me about romance itself. Sex is definitely off the table, but I'm also wondering if that's partly because of the fact that I'm trans and don't feel comfortable in this body. But being aro scares me even more because I don't want to be alone forever, and I just. Don't know what to think.

the feeling you're describing, of desiring romance in theory but not in practice, is a sentiment i've seen a lot in aspec spaces. sorting out those personal questions of "is finding a romantic partner a genuine desire of mine, or just an echo of what society says i should do? what actually appeals to me about the concept of partnering, and how would that relationship need to look for me to get what i actually want out of it? how do i deal long-term with the fact that this world just isn't built for nonpartnering people?" has been difficult for many of us, and is a lifelong process for some people. i don't have any easy answers for you; all i can do is say that many, many people also struggle with the things you've described. personally, i'm now at the point where i see my aromanticism as something to be celebrated rather than dreaded - we're all outsiders in a world made for two, and that's metal as hell <2

non-graphic discussion of sex and dysphoria under the cut, just in case people want to avoid it:

i'm a trans man with pretty severe all-around dysphoria - top, bottom, height, voice, you name it. i've been transitioning for three years and i've been dysphoric for many more. the way my dysphoria intersects with my asexuality and aromanticism is nebulous at best: there's definitely a connection, but it's very hard to determine exactly how far it goes. here's some questions i've asked myself:

am i uncomfortable with romantic relationships because i'm afraid the other person will view and treat me like a girl? (yes - but when i think about being in a relationship as a man, or any other gender, i still feel repulsed by the idea.)

am i uncomfortable with the idea of having sex because i'm uncomfortable with my own genitalia? (yes - but when i think about theoretically getting bottom surgery and having sex, i still feel repulsed: relatively less so, but still very strongly repulsed.)

would my discomfort be resolved if i were to be in a t4t relationship, where i know the other person sees me as my preferred gender? (well... i would feel more comfortable, but i don't think it would resolve that fundamental repulsion. even when i'm around other trans people, i can usually tell that my relationship to sex and romance is not the same as theirs.)

transitioning changes some people's relationship to sex, and doesn't change others - "t will make you horny and gay" is a pretty common half-joking anecdote among transmascs, and transfems have anecdotes about estrogen/progesterone doing the exact opposite for them. personally speaking... nope, i didn't turn horny and gay! well, mostly. my libido did increase, but in practical terms, it's had no impact on my orientation; i consider myself just as aroace as i was 10 years ago. what i'm getting at here is that it's different for everybody - transness and transition can affect sexuality in complicated ways, but there's never any guarantee that your experience will be the same as anybody else's. whatever your personal relationship to dysphoria, transition, and sexuality is, i hope you can eventually reach a point where you feel comfortable with yourself!

[swiftfootedachilles]

I would love to see more of your trans!mick headcanons

trans mickey is my king i loooove talking about him

OBSESSED with the headcanon of terry being the first homophobic trans ally. i know it doesnt make sense but thats WHY i love it....plus, based off what we know about mandys experience living with terry, i really dont like to think about mickey also being treated that way 😕 so trans ally terry it is! doesnt help him transition or anything, just rolls his eyes and tells him that if hes gonna be a man then he better act like one

i do think canon trans!mickey would want to top for gender euphoria reasons, but i stand by my opinion that ian simply tolerates bottoming and doesnt physically enjoy it. like, he would definitely be willing to bottom for mickey but only because he loves mickey and wants him to experience the gender euphoria he would get from topping

^that being said, plenty of pre-bottom-surgery trans guys dont top because it actually makes them more dysphoria. reminds them they dont have the parts for it, have to use a strap, etc. maybe if he got meta or phallo he would start becoming interested in it. but a trans guy doesnt have to top to be a guy! sexual preferences do not equal gender! fuck gendered stereotypes! the bottom in a gay relationship is not "the girl" (and fuck the 11x03 writers for backpedaling a decade of mickeys character for some stupid misogyny and homophobia jokes) !!!!!!

hhrrrnng i still love any and all trans!mickey roommate and neighbor aus. especially if hes working as a porn star. idk trans guys are so hot sorry for being horny but trans mickey deserved to get sucked and fucked on camera !

emt!ian is also crucial to aus bc he loves giving mick his hormones :')

mickey getting hit on a bunch when he finally starts joining ian at the gym. bc everyone loves how short and buff and mean he is and his tattoos are enticing and his slutty nipple piercings and top surgery scars always slip out his open side muscle tank and the two wolves inside ian (murderously jealous vs proud of his trans king✊) are constantly fighting

i hate the shitty omegaverse cis-guys-get-pregnant biology so every a/b/o fic i read, i imagine trans mickey in my head 😌

if you want to hear more pls tell me what you want me to talk about i LOOOOOOVE discussing plot bunnies. that way i dont have to actually write a cohesive story✨✨

[wangxianficfinder]

Wei Wuxian keeps / gets his OG body 

~*~

inhabiting bodies by thelastdboy (E, 2k, WangXian, Porn With Plot, Minor Injuries, WWX in MXY's Body, Body Dysphoria, Kinda, WWX in WWX's Body, Curses, Night Hunts, Scars, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, Emotional Sex, Edgeplay, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Ass Play, Rimming, Blindfolds, Anal Sex, Light Masochism, Body Dysmorphia)

Our Scars remind us that the past is real by KatAnni (M, 2k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, WWX & JC, WIP, post-canon, curse breaking, scars, pre-relationship, getting together, case fic, whump, angst w/ happy ending, hurt WWX, memories, PTSD, WWX in MXY’s body, rogue cultivator WWX, JC & WWX reconciliation, not actually unrequited love)

worm moon by serein (E, 103k, WangXianCheng, Post-Canon, Mystery, Angst, Humor, Grief/Mourning, PTSD, Identity Issues, eventual polyamory, Cults, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied past cannibalism, Switching, Doppelganger, POV Alternating, Character Study, Explicit Sexual Content, Reverse Golden Core Reveal, mild horror elements)

Twin Demons of Mò by XiaoFeiFei (M, 358k, MXY & WWX, WangXian, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, Abuse, Twin Demons of Mo, MXY Lives, Major Character Injury, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Angst, Minor Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Minor Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Torture, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Canon Divergence, Self-Harm, Found Family, Sexual Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, POV Alternating)

Saw My Life in a Stranger's Face by timetoboldlygo (T, 27k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Married Life, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, wwx's face changes post-canon to look like his original face, Slight Panic Attack, because lwj doesn't recognize his husband, the mortifying ordeal of not knowing your own body, the terrifying inevitability of change, taller!wwx theory)

Basking in the Patriarch's Beauty by sparklingsu (Not Rated, 3k, WangXian, WWX in WWX's Body, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, YLLZ WWX, WWX Deserves Love, Yúnmèng Siblings Bonding, Post-JC & WWX Reconciliation, Hurt/Comfort)

Pretty Patriarch by Clever_spring (G, 2k, WangXian, Protective LWJ, YLLZ WWX, WWX in WWX's Body, Good Nephew JL, Protective LSZ, Protective JL)

Touch That Body, (It's Not Mine) by brrrrrRawr (T, 3k, WangXian, WWX in WWX's original body, Fluff, Pet Names, Blushing, No Smut, Genius WWX, yunmeng bros reconciliation, endgame lotus pier, big bro wwx rights, also dad wwx rights, BAMF WWX, Bad Writing, Body Dysphoria, So OOC)

~*~

Resurrected by someone other than MXY

~*~

❤️ Beauty and the Boot by PTchan (T, 44k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Genderbending, Denial, Fem!WWX, WangXian kids, Crack-ish, WIP)

❤️ The Book’s Cover by Eudoxia (E, 50k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not in MXY’s body, canon retelling, humor, demisexual LWJ, genderqueer WWX, smut)

You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag (M, 64k, wangxian, WIP, Ghost!WWX, Mystery, LWJ plays inquiry, AU from after the Wens came to Lotus Pier, Most people lived, not everybody died, Angst with a Happy Ending, river spirit!WWX, Angst and Feels, description of murder, imminent smut, Execution, bad dog names, Poisons, Discussion of Attempted Murder, BAMF WWX, Family Feels)

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao))

Misunderstood by Silver_Flame_2724 (M, 250k, WIP, WangXian, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Worth Issues)

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation) - briefly summoned by OC's and gets stuck in LJY's head but then gets summoned by mxy

So You Want to Start a War by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 41k, WIP, MY/QS, MY/WWX, WangXian, Reincarnation, Half-Sibling Incest Mention!, QS does the ritual instead of MXY, WWX as a woman, MY Is His Own Warning, Canon Divergence, Impersonation, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Please check the notes before reading a chapter, Timeline What Timeline, WWX Has PTSD)

Chapter 1-23 of The Tales of Despereaux by stiltonbasket (T, 36k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, (when applicable))

To Deserve So Much More by renysen (T, 19k, wangxian, getting together, one big happy family, no angst, getting engaged, family feels, female bodied WWX)

A Worse Timeline Series by donutsweeper (T, 2k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Lots of People Die, Canon-Typical Violence, Revenge, Non-Mo Xuanyu Summoning Ritual, Worse Timeline, Character Death, Dark, WWX brought back by JC.)

Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark, lingeringdust (E, 46k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Franken-canon, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death)

若有来世，你还愿意吗; if there is an afterlife, are you still willing? by luyepiaofeng (T, 5k, WangXian, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Self-Sacrifice, Rituals, Self-Indulgent, Hurt No Comfort, WWX brought back by LWJ)

for you, all for you 「 给你, 都给你 」 by headBONDmeLWJ (T, 3k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Canon Divergence, LWJ/WWX in Love, WWX Loves LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, Pining LWJ, Hurt LWJ, WWX-centric, Hurt WWX, Supportive LXC, Good Sibling LXC, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, WWX brought back by LWJ)

who uses the sacrificial array next? Series by ryneisaterriblefan (Not Rated/T, 6k, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Suicide, Self-Harm, Depression, Misunderstandings, Unhappy Ending, soul sacrificial array, Self-hatred)

Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by EHyde (G, 2k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, 5+1 Things, Angst, [Podfic] Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by sisi_rambles)

Plans fly out the window by English is my death (Lena013) (T, <1k, JGY/QS, JGY/WWX, LWJ & WWX, JC & WWX, reincarnation, canon divergence, QS does the ritual, YLLZ WWX, impersonation) inspired by So You Want to Start a War by JaenysBloodcourt

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos by dvasva (M, 127k, WIP, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Functionally Trans Character, Mild Sexual Content, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, Transphobia, Good Parents LWJ and WWX, Pining, WWX is a Tease, Grief/Mourning, Body Dysphoria, Fake Marriage, Canonical Character Death, Misunderstandings, Doting LWJ, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, WWX is not in MXY's body, Misgendering, Mild Angst, Assumptions, Comedic Elements, non-sexual nudity, Blood, Discussion of Various Bodily Functions, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, 4 years of mourning instead of 13, Méishān Yú Sect, POV Multiple, Corporal Punishment, Trans WWX, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, pregnancy mention, Timeline What Timeline, Sexual Harassment Threats)

[intersex-support]

Is there any resources on people with PCOS who go on T? I’m extremely worried and have not in any of the decade+ I’ve looked, been able to find anything on the changes regarding bottom growth, sexual stimulation, or even logistics, for people with PCOS or people with other intersex conditions who experience bottom growth. Trauma has prevented me from exploring what little answers i could get regarding logistics by viewing porn, and even then, it doesn’t even begin to explain a lot of the answers I need.

Touching my clitoris/proto penis/however to describe it causes me intense searing nerve pain throughout my body and genitals, and I’m seriously concerned that bottom growth and nerve cluster changes on T, one of the only irreversible changes it has, will prevent me from being able to go on T.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. My genitalia has given me dysphoria all my life, and despite how extremely uncomfortable and visceral my reaction is to getting vaginally penetrated, it’s currently the only way I can feel any kind of pleasure or have sex involving penetration with my partner (i cannot do anal). I’m seriously worried that something that isn’t even guaranteed to grow enough to be usable differently in any way (bottom growth), is going to cause me so much pain that I have to stop and cope for the rest of my life with what irreversible changes occurred, and I cannot afford to waste money or negatively impact other health conditions with body/mental/endocrine system stress and any negative/compounded impact to my other disability’s neuropathy symptoms.

Thank you so much.

Hi, Anon.

This sounds like it's been a really difficult decision to consider, and with all the reasons you've listed out, it makes so much sense to me that you might be feeling conflicted about what you want to do, concerned about the pain, and I really empathize with not even being able to access resources that could help you untangle some of this. You're definitely not alone in this, and I wish there was more easily accessible information so that we as intersex people could feel supported in our desires for our bodies.

One really good resource that I've found is a doctor who did an interview talking all about hormone management when it comes to PCOS in the trans patients she sees. She explains that almost all people with PCOS can go on testosterone, and that it doesn't significantly raise the risk of complications associated with PCOS, but might change some of the monitoring that doctors would want to do. This interview is a really good overview of what medical transition and PCOS might look like, and how other treatments for PCOS might interact with that.

This study shows that testosterone HRT is not likely to significantly affect the metabolic complications of PCOS beyond what is already naturally occurring due to PCOS.

This study is long and not super relevant, but does show that within the study groups they were focusing on, the percentages of trans patients on testosterone HRT with PCOS ranged from 5%-58% of the study groups, which shows us that there are regularly people with PCOS taking testosterone without major health complications.

I'm not as familiar with how testosterone HRT affects the clitoral nerves, and I was also having a hard time finding resources that felt relevant for how going on T would affect sensation, pain, and overall experience during sex.

I want to give a content warning for a little more in depth discussion of genitalia and clitoral sensation.

So although I don't have any formal resources, I'm a trans person on T who had hyperandrogenism and clitoromegaly before going on T, and I asked around the other intersex people who I know that are on T and in similiar situations. One thing that we've noticed is that compared to our endosex (not intersex) friends, we've experienced a lot less overall change in terms of bottom growth. Some of us didn't experience bottom growth at all, some of us experienced slight changes in bottom growth, and some of us experienced more significant growth, but still less then the endosex people we know. Some of us have hypothesized that this might be because our body already has already done a lot of the clitoral growing and either hit or gotten very near to sort of the "maximum" clitoral size for our body, so going on T didn't affect it as much. Again, this is all anecdotal and there hasn't been any research done on this, but this is something that multiple intersex people I know have experienced.

In terms of sensation, we all had very different experiences. Some of my intersex friends experienced no changes in sensation, some people felt like it was more sensitive, some people felt like it became less sensitive. Many of us already experienced a lot of pain during sex, and testosterone didn't necessarily change that experience for all of us. Again, take all this info with a grain of salt, since it's kind of just crowdsourced info from the couple dozen intersex people I know. One thing we've also noticed is that our experiences with T tend to be on a different timeline than a lot of endosex people's timelines, and some changes are very dramatic, while others are not noticeable. For instance, quite a few of us had our voice drop very quickly, but we didn't experience much change in body hair, since we already had a lot of body hair. Overall, I think it's really going to depend on each individual person's experience, but it can be good to be aware that things you see online about the timeline of changes on T might not be relevant if you're intersex.

I wish I had better advice or resources to give you, anon--but truthfully there just isn't that much out there for us. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how much information or certainty you would be able to find about sensation and pain--it can be really hard to predict the individual effects of T on our bodies, even if we can see what the general trends are like. It might be worth trying to look for a doctor who specializes in HRT and is also aware of intersex variations, like the doctor listed in the article. In fact, it might be worth writing an email and trying to contact that doctor with your specific questions, or ask if she can refer you to other providers that she thinks will be aware and competent. You will always be the expert on what decisions make the most sense for your body, and I really hope that you're able to get connected to someone who can give you the information you need to be able to make the best decision for you. Sending solidarity and love your way, anon.

-Mod E

[bookish-monster]

BOOK REC

Exodus 20:3

by Freydís Moon - find them on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok

the storygraph link for this book contains information such as page count, publication date, and community-created content warnings.

Exodus 20:3 is a standalone love story centered around Diego, a Mexican-American trans man, and the relationship he forges with a Brazilian angel named Ariel as they refurbish an abandoned church in New Mexico together. It’s a beautiful blend of queerness and religious eroticism that comes in at around 100 pages on my Kindle edition, and has been recently updated with a new cover (see above) that is absolutely gorgeous. There is prayer, body worship, divinity kink where the divinity is no fantasy, hemipenes, and more eyes and teeth and wings than humans are used to experiencing in their love affairs. I absolutely loved it.

A note about body terminology for trans readers: Diego’s genitalia (he has had top surgery but not bottom surgery) is referred to using feminine terms such as “cunt” and “clit.” Some trans readers might find this dysphoria-inducing or otherwise upsetting.

Diego is what many people would call “troubled.” He does camming out of desperation for money, has recently quit using opiates illegally, and is struggling to deal with his mother’s disappointment once she found out about the latter through Diego crashing a car and getting sent to jail once the cops found said opiates inside the car. Basically, he’s not having a fun time as the family disappointment, so he reluctantly agrees to his mother’s plan for him to earn enough to pay her back for his bail money via refurbishing the church in New Mexico.

Ariel is the church’s caretaker. Diego is attracted to him from the jump, but that attraction is tempered with the wariness of a prey animal who has been hunted down and abused one too many times. Diego isn’t used to tenderness or genuine love from his sexual partners, and he isn’t interested in getting mixed up with someone and used in ways that don’t make him happy in the long term. I really loved how complicated Diego is—he’s tough as nails because the world hasn’t treated him gently, but also desperate for real affection because of how love-starved he’s become over the years. 

Ariel isn’t smothering when offering that affection, nor parental in caring for his new laborer. Initially, he comes across as enigmatic and perfunctory, reclusive and emotionally distant. But as he insists on digging into Diego’s past, so too does Diego start putting the pieces together and realizing that Ariel isn’t quite the man he seems. During their first sexual encounter with each other, consent is kind of iffy, but it gets talked about later between the characters. The sex scenes are lavish and drawn out, abstracted by Freydís’ beautiful prose into things elegantly rendered yet primal in their intensity.

The writing in this novelette is exquisite, by the way. Freydís has a command of language that I’m nakedly envious of, and there were multiple points where I stopped to re-read certain passages just to savor the taste of them, as well as the beautiful wordplay and turns of phrase. I keep a list on my phone of 1-2 sentence snippets I read in various places that are too good not to write down, and that list gained several entries from this book.

Finally, I really liked Exodus 20:3’s frank discussions of trauma and oppressive systems. As a Mexican-American, Diego is no stranger to the violence constantly forced upon brown bodies by the United States government, and as a trans man he’s equally familiar with transphobic violence from cis people. Although Freydís makes absolutely zero attempts to gloss over or divert attention from real-world issues inherent to their characters’ identities, nothing ever felt hopeless. Diego is initially very cynical, but as his relationship with Ariel evolves so too does he undergo a change of heart toward the nature of faith. You can get a side of religious philosophy with your steamy monster fucking in this book, if you choose to accept it. 

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and cannot recommend it enough to anyone who’s in the mood for queer Latino romance stories. I can say with confidence that nobody who chooses to pray at Freydís’ altar will be left unsatisfied.

find this book on Amazon Kindle (US)

[thesoftestcowboy]

This is wayy late but I just realised I never really posted this anywhere - this is a collage I made for an exhibition we had on this year's TdoV. It's quite a personal piece and a bit unusual as I tend to do more light-hearted work these days, but I really like it - its topic was the assesments I went through when I legally changed my name and gender marker in 2018. The top layer of each paper were some (photocopied) lines of the assesment documents rearranged in a way that is meant to showcase the sheer absurdity and ultimate meaninglessness of the process (and the views on gender behind it).

I won't upload the individual pictures (the text is almost all german anyway), but I'll put a transcription and some thoughts below the cut! TW for some transphobia (nothing physically violent, but it's kinda the whole topic), discussion of ableism and sexism, mentions of suicide and self-harm. Also it's quite long

1- "Customer receipt | In reply to the question | 1. Does a transsexual characteristic exist in the applicant? | In the scales for recording of the so-called gender dysphoria, gender was codified and calculated. | Answers will be noted | Mr XXXX is waiting for your evaluation."

The background is different passport pictures of myself - from age 2 to mid-20s - overlaid and edited to make them resemble a person without any specific, tangible traits. I wasn't less male when I wore braids or lipstick and don't see the point in contrasting the 'before' and 'after' - all of these layers are a part of me and can't be separated by gender or age or before and after.

2- "1.6 Family medical history: | Mr. XXXX states that in his blood relatives, the following ailments are known: | Persistent male identity experience | the parents' marriage | social success | normal sexual interest || Mr. XXXX emphasises again and again, how good and harmonious he feels in the male role, in contrast to her father and brother, who, due to their tomboyish behavior, are allowed to live out freely the male role and consistent masculine appereance | allthough no change of first name or status of the person was implemented. | At present, no treatment by doctors is being carried out."

I won't translate all of them, but on the bottom page, I added a variety of questions I have been asked about gender or transitioning , with the ones from the evaluation bolded. Some of them just deal with plain old sexism ("Are you sure this is not dad's job?", "Is this gift for a boy?"). The bolded statements return to being about wearing dresses again and again ("But you had to wear one for grandma, right?"). The drawings in the background are from a picture of my family I did in kindergarten, copied a bunch of times and the heads and bodies switched. Adding onto the last picture, I wanted to show the layers of gendering that even a 4-year-old experiences day-to-day.

3- "Mr. XXXX has, due to the assessment for the change of first name and personal status according to TSG, undergone testing on the topics of | sitting, walking and talking, efficiency, letter reading, number repetition, and | letter repetition, perception and other cognitive functions as well as | intelligence || After assessing the overall situation and the developmental specifics, the existence of | general personality traits can be affirmed."

The lines are, again, rearranged, but yes I had to do exercises about counting and vocabulary. Is there a level of intelligence needed to be trans? I don't think ableism and transphobia intertwinging with these kinds of evaluations are a secret exactly.

4- "The appetite is directed towards men in fantasy as well as practice. | Mr. XXXX appears 'gay, interested in men as a man' | Apparently, so it is reported, he has had good experiences overall with this."

The page is covered with a thin, lavender fabric, partly covering dating advice for young women from a 1950s book. Apart from the color symbolism, the fabric would usually be found in women's clothes. Being gay is quite an important part of being a man for me, but that meaning is usually downplayed or ignored in these assessments.

5- "2.4.2.1 Rorschach-Test || 3. Diagnosis | Ailments, (e.g. | Depression, somatisation, anxiety, mania as well as transvestism, sexual disorders, unacknowledged homosexuality, neurotic or psychotic disorders, personality disorders, disorders due to substance abuse etc. or self-harming tendencies, anxieties, depressions, compulsions, personality disorders, sexual disorders, [unreadable] disorders, addictions, suicide attempts, psychosomatic disorders, | hallucinations, egomania) | unlimited concentration problems | but all in all healthy."

The Rorschach test is controversial at best and yet something to go through for this. Do you question the scientific basis of this during evaluation and risk it all? Or do you just give half-asses answers that go on to diagnose you with something or the other? Overall, psychiatry is used against you either way. At which point am I too depressed to be allowed to be trans?

6- "by all means perceived as male | holding the male role | under consideration of the principles described above, Mr. XXXX fulfills the legal and medical criteria without a reasonable doubt. || Score: 3 || Diagnosis atfer [ICD-10, gender dysphoria F. 64.0, with citations.]"

Trying to get a good score at being male which is normal to expect of people and possible to achieve, as proven by me actually having succeeded in doing a name change.

[st4rdom-if]

I didn't mean to come across like, demanding to be given the option to make our MC FTM or NB, that wasn't my intention and I apologize for it. That was just my curiosity since we are given the option to play as non-heterosexual, but not much info was given about our gender beyond "locked to female", which, you know, can mean many things.

Either way, I came across as demanding, and I'm sorry for that.

Anon, I can tell you right now that you do not need to be sorry for asking. Perhaps I was misunderstood in the last ask—I never said you were demanding at all, just that I was tired from getting asked if MC was only going to remain female and could not transition to male or nonbinary. And to be honest, you did not come across to me as demanding; rather, you were merely inquiring as to whether or not MC may get the chance to transition from female to other genders or if they can choose to be but remaining under the guise of female.

Previously, back when I first announced the game, I got an ask complaining that the MC was locked to female and that there are no male MCs anymore—I ask that you do scroll to the bottom of my archives just to find this, it was all in the past and I dealt with it already so you do not need to hound down that anon—and I said that ST4RDOM is an all-girl group, so there would be no need for a male or nonbinary member. The company certainly would not allow MC to join if MC was a male then decided to transition to female.

I added non-heterosexual relationships because I wanted to play with the idea of what if k-pop idols are gay but they have to hide it from the world because it is career-ending? That's why I added it.

Even if MC is not gay, having relationships at all as a k-pop idol is hard. They would have to keep it a secret, and having a relationship with most of the ROs becomes scandalous to some degree.

I wanted to make this a drama-and-romance centric game.

I never seriously thought to consider adding FTM or nonbinary options because, not only would that be extra coding + writing, but because drama/angst and romance IS the core of the game. I have a main plot and a romance side plot for those who want it, so adding yet ANOTHER side plot would be more tedious work.

I am for little details. I am for character development. If I were to also discuss MC transitioning, I would want to add small details that indicate gender dysphoria and questioning. If you follow the gay romance route, you will already be questioning your own sexuality.

While I may have been vague in stating that MC will be genderlocked to female, I feel like you should at least get that I had only planned for MC to remain female, which also means no FTM or NB.

So please. Don't apologize to me. But I really hope this post helped clarify things a bit. I'm still figuring out the pacing of the game, the main and side plot, and writing in general, so that's why I sound wishy-washy. Nothing is truly set in stone.

Who knows, Anon? Maybe that feature will be available in the future. But for right now, it is only the main plot and side romance plots.

[tea-and-secrets]

I kind of want to get my trans (pre-op) girlfriend fake vulva underwear because she said she'd like them but I don't know if she was joking or not because we were in a group situation and haven't discussed it just us since. And I think she feels guilty about me spending so much money on her because I love getting her things and I have significantly more disposable income than her. But also I want to be able to do more sexual stuff focused on her because most things are focused on me because of her bottom dysphoria. And I enjoy that, but sometimes I want to do more stuff to her. And the underwear wouldn't completely solve that but they might help?

.

[suppuration]

so... on vesility and fumbling to articulate the interstices of my kintype, gender, sex, disability, and abandon knows what else

tl;dr housekin jokes were not jokes

i do have to wonder how commonplace it is to have "inanimate object" as part of one's kin definition

over the years, i've resonated with statuesᵗᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ʰᵉᵃ���ˢ, structuresᵐᵉᵗʳᵒ ⁿᵒᶦˢᵉˢ, and houseplantsᵈᶦᵈⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ʰᵘʳᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ. i often feel more like a placeⁿᵒ ᵉˢᵗᵉᵉᵐᵉᵈ ᵈᵉᵉᵈ ᶦˢ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉᵐᵒʳᵃᵗᵉᵈ ʰᵉʳᵉ than a person

i keep returning to thoughts most would consider object fetishism, i suppose is the best term for it. not quite object TF where the subject becomes an object, but rather a mundane fetishism of identifying as an object. (mundane, in the sense that it's everyday, that it's nonsexual, that it's not uniquely isolated to fantasies/daydreaming, etc.) i do have some degree of interest in the concept sexually, of things like object TF and furniture bondage, but they feel like distinctly different notions than what i'm trying to articulate through my kin/gen(der)/venn vesility

§ my current kintype is something of an eldritch, opalescent glass statue. capable of fluidity, but favoring inertia... and, where applicable, momentum. волосы еленыᶜᵒʳᶦᵘᵐ comes to mind. a psychologist recently described me as having a "stubborn gear shift [i.e. manual stick transmission]"... and, yeah. yeah. strong overlap between my disability, neurodivergence, and alterhumanity there.

§ i've experienced a wide array of phantom limb sensations since my teens, both the presence of extra-body limbs and the absence of those which are technically still attached to me. i can't quite define every single limb i think this body doesn't account for, but inversely, i resonate with the idea that i sometimes lose awareness/recognition of part or all of some limbs because i am at that moment mounted to (or even clipped into) a surface, and that surface cropped me. i felt the latter thing for a long time prior to ever seeing the illustration for it, but i feel like this magic card's art explains things quite well.ˣ in the painting, the merging was done for vengeance, but i typically view this aspect of myself as neutral

i just... frequently feel like i lack parts of myself altogether, and it's not like they've gone missing. it's simply that they were never there to begin with, or weren't supposed to be there at all?

§ this isn't to owe myself to any deprecation or pejorative, in referring to myself by it/its. i'm an object like your favorite shirt. a concept like a sunset witnessed from a parking lot. a place like comfort.

(i aspire to be, anyway.)

§ i consider some of my features similar to those typical of depictions of biblically accurate angels. however, i neither define my aspect as divine in any earthly sense, nor necessarily associated with any particular holiness. i've had people describe me in hagiographical conceit in the past, but i'm more of a relic or reliquaryᵇᵒʳⁿ ᵃᵍᵃᶦⁿ ʰᵉʳᵉ

§ i resonate strongly with many aspects of the conceit of baphomet. multiple kintypes and fursonas over the years have had caprinid features, and the goat is probably the animal i identify with most closely... (that, and rabbits. and jackalopes.) i only just tonight encountered the terms salmacian/aphrodisian, and it describes my sentiments quite succinctly, in that my transition goals are a blending of sex characteristics

my ideal bottom surgery doesn't look anything like a phallus, and most closely approximates nullo or negation. now that my facial hair has started to come in and my voice has deepened, my biggest source of anatomical dysphoria comes from having what i consider a small chest. i've extensively researched all my possible options for augmenting my breast size. i'm at a loss how to discuss this dysphoria with medical providers, in a way they'll understand that it's gender affirmative care.

unpleasant, then, for my most common repose to be comprised of little more than a bust

...bust. my gender is bust, isn't it

i lost my plot. i'm just... gonna hit send post and hope i'm entertaining

___________

occlupanids as included here:

talking heads: yeah i know just about every turn of this ergodic mess is steeped in fallout occultism. you're welcome to leave if you can

metro noises: i tonight encountered the term aldernic, which defines having or aspiring to have a form which deviates from societal norms. the coincidence sticks out to me strongly that 1. i resonate with fallout's metro sculptures, 2. this term aldernic as a means to describe my gender, 3. the fact i call the metromen in my fallout mall the aldermen.

didn't want to hurt them: vesica urentis

no esteemed deed is commemorated here: the atomic priesthood

corium: elephant-chan's upper biological shield

born again here: no longer just a false memory now

x art by tyler jacobson

[sleepy-shutin]

happy new year, it's my 6 month anniversary on T and it's great. i did my T-shot at 1 am because i spent most of the day extremely viscerally and hopelessly dissociated and have barely done anything, at least until it turned around 10 pm and i suddenly became functional. and i think i also had a flashback at some point but that's neither here nor there.

i should probably start an hrt log of some kind maybe, i think that'd be helpful to see the changes happening, and if people want to block that discussion they can.

below is somewhat NSFW, but it's in regards to HRT, bottom dysphoria, bottom growth, bottom surgery and my thoughts on my options, etc. nothing directly sexual. minors may not want to read below the readmore for those reasons.

so far the only thing that's happened was mild voice dropping and some new hairs popping up here and there on my stomach, the backs of my legs, etc. i fully expect to be pretty hairy since my brother on my father's side is very hairy with a full beard before he hit 30, and even before hrt, i see way more of my biological father in my face than i do my mom.

bottom growth has been there. however, while i'm on intramuscular injections and that is the fastest available route for most people, don't expect results like this so soon if you're on T. my bottom growth is definitely accelerated by the fact that i specifically requested a cream to use to accelerate it, since that would alleviate some of my massive bottom dysphoria and get me closer to my personal transition goals. my bottom dysphoria is perhaps even more distressing than my vocal dysphoria. but not as much as a whole vaginectomy/metoidioplasty might.

right now, some of my biggest transition goals would be to drop my voice, get good bottom growth, and to get the gaping wound between my legs closed up for good. that's all i see it as, personally. maybe that'll change in the future but that's how i feel about it now.

i've thought a lot about bottom surgery over the past 10 years since i discovered i was trans, and i think out of everything else i'd probably go for metoidioplasty instead of phallo, for several reasons. 1) the devices they have come up with to give phallo dicks an erection are utterly terrifying to me in so many ways. that is scary, that there could be a device in me that would give me an insta-boner. 2) on myself, i don't know if i would find a phallo dick aesthetically pleasing. i don't judge other people's genitals and their bottom surgery choices, but i wish there was a way to include things like foreskin and glans and other things like that into a phallo penis. that's why i've come to find the t-dick more aesthetically pleasing for myself. it doesn't exactly look the same as the dick someone might be born with, but it does have its own ways of looking strikingly similar in its own right, because in the clinical sense, it's essentially a micropenis.

my girlfriend was surprised earlier when i told her that my tits don't bother me at all. i'm an a-cup, they're very small and what i consider to be a perfect size on me. if they were much bigger, i'd start to consider a breast reduction, but maybe not a full top surgery. for a long time i've found the chest of a non-op transmasc person who's been on T for a year+ to be aesthetically pleasing. something about the masculine body shape and hairy chest coupled with breasts is something that suits my personal gender non-conformity. and if i ever had a problem with the chest hair, i still have options to remove it.

my girlfriend thought i was more dysphoric about the tits than the lack of a dick, but no, it's the bottom dysphoria that really kills me inside.

i'm excited to see what other changes HRT brings to my body. i wonder if i'll look more like my father than i feel i do now. the only change i'm actually worried about is potential hair loss. my biological father isn't necessarily bald, but he doesn't really have as much hair as he used to. however, he's about 70 now, and considering my older brother on my father's side is in his mid thirties and still has a great full head of hair, i think i've got a bit of time before that becomes a serious concern, and i've still got options in regards to treatment for hair loss caused by testosterone.

all in all, i can't wait for what it's going to be like 6 months from now. hopefully i'll be ready to change my legal name and gender marker at that point.

[bisexualamy]

Transition Update #64: Phallo Consults Omnibus

This post contains (sometimes frank) discussions of: surgery, medical appointments, weight loss, sex and dysphoria.

Just at the top here: I will not be publicly disclosing my surgeon or surgery center. Unfortunately, trans surgeries are more and more becoming public targets and I don't want to jeopardize my surgeon or my hospital further. If you're interested in pursuing phalloplasty and want that information, please DM me.

I'm having stage one phallo one week from today on October 10th! I'm incredibly excited and nervous and a bit scared, but I know with full confidence that this is the right decision for me and that, on the other side of this, I'm going to be so much happier and less dysphoric.

I had four phallo consults leading up to surgery, which is higher than average. There were a few specific factors in my case that necessitated this many consults. I'm going to summarize them all here since a lot of info overlapped consults. Please take my experience as a helpful guide but not a prescriptive experience. These things really vary based on your chosen method and your surgeon.

I'm also going to be frankly discussing my personal pros and cons about aspects of phalloplasty. This is the only disclaimer I'm going to give: these are my personal opinions based on my own dysphoria, health, body, and surgical needs. I am, in no way, casting judgement or degrading other people's phallo decisions. Just because I opted not to do something, doesn't mean I look down on those who do.

I talked a bit about my first consult here. I began the bottom surgery process back in August of 2022. I had to pass a lot of mental and physical health screenings (hospital policy) and preemptively get all of my insurance letters. This is to streamline the process going forward, since this is a multi-stage surgery. The hospital is taking care of arguing with my insurance for me. My insurance covers gender affirming care if you jump through all of the hoops, but they usually try to nickle and dime me on aspects of the procedure regardless. I'm really happy I don't have to deal with that personally.

I went into the consult process knowing my list of priorities for the surgery. They were, in order of importance: ability to have penetrative sex, retaining sexual sensation, aesthetics, and ability to pee standing up. While I personally don't care much about the last one, my surgeon and I ultimately decided to attempt UL once, using all best practices to mitigate complication, but agreed not to do revision surgeries if UL had significant complications. My surgeon told me that UL is easily reversible (a brief surgery taking less than an hr) and since this isn't a priority for me, it's not worth getting stuck in a revolving door of revision surgeries to fix it.

I also went into this procedure knowing I didn't want to do RFF, but knowing little else about other phallo methods. Financially, I couldn't wait to complete physical therapy to get full mobility of one of my hands back. My hands are my living. I later learned that I'm not a good candidate for RFF anyway, because I have poor circulation in my hands and forearms. My surgeon told me I was not a candidate for ALT, because the skin on my thighs is too thick, and as a result the circumference of the phallus would be unworkable. They told me that I'd have to lose an unhealthy amount of wait to qualify and we decided against it.

Ultimately, I decided to go with abdominal phalloplasty. Abdo appealed to me for a few reasons: it's compatible with erectile devices and t dick burial, it's not a free flap and therefore it lowers my chances of graft rejection or graft complications, and it would not require microsurgery. My surgeon also told me that my body type lent itself to abdo anyway. My surgeon warned me that it's unrealistic to expect sensation in the lower half of the phallus at all, and that they don't guarantee sensation at all. However, my surgeon did tell me that studies the hospital has done show that there's a greater chance of regaining sensation in the top half of the phallus, and that many post-op patients experience significant psychosomatic sensation through the whole phallus.

While this was a little disappointing, it was ultimately a nonissue. Right now, having sex is incredibly dysphoric for me, to the point where I cannot find it enjoyable. I'm not choosing between having full sensation sex and partial sensation sex. I'm choosing between not having sex at all and being able to have sex.

I did have to lose about 20lbs to qualify (again, due to the circumference issue). This was difficult for me as someone in ED recovery for binge-restrict cycles. I frequently talked about the weight loss process in therapy to try and come at it from a healthier angle. What made it additionally tough was that the weight loss was mainly aesthetic: I needed to lose it so my phallus would be an average proportion. The safest way I was able to do this was: pivoting to a mostly vegetarian diet and committing to my existing strength training regimen, two things I wanted to do anyway. I did have to calorie track, which can be a trigger for me, so some months I couldn't. Ultimately, I lost 15lbs and need to lose the other 5lbs by stage 2.

The rest of my consults were follow ups on my general health and weight loss. It's highly recommended that you get in the best physical shape you can before a surgery as intense as phallo, since it can help with the recovery process. I'm definitely in good physical shape, though several recent life stressors and personal tragedies have made that more difficult. I'm trying to be generous with myself on this front and admit that this was really the best I could do.

I also had to do laser on my graft site which was mostly painful and annoying but obviously worth it. Logistics for this were a headache that's no one's fault but my surgical center. It's not worth getting into because so many of the factors are unique to me personally and my phallo timing.

I told my surgeon I wanted to go slowly to further lower the risk of complication. My #1 priority here is safety and mitigating the need for revision surgeries. When my phalloplasty is complete, I want it to be done with so I can move on with my life. That being said: we staged my surgery out this way:

Stage 0: hysto and partial vgectomy (done back in January) Stage 1: meta, UL creation, complete vgectomy, "tee up" stage 2 so I can spend as little time on the table as possible Stage 2: take the graft and create the phallus Stage 3: scrotoplasty, glandsplasty, finish UL Stage 4: erectile device, finish scrotoplasty and glandsplasty

Staging out surgery this much is going to take way more time, but lowers my risk of complication. It also allows me to work and pick up limited-term contract work without prolonged interruption. I simply cannot afford to take 6 months of life off from work. I don't have the savings for it.

While that's annoying I think it's ultimately for the better. One thing I do appreciate about this timeline is that with each stage, I get something new that I really want. Overall this process has been mentally exhausting and tough, but it's going to be so worth it, and I'm so excited to finally have something to show for it.

[destielomegaversebigbang]

Big Alpha Energy (BAE)

Author: ValandraWrites

Artist: sissyray84

Rating: Explicit

Summary:

Alpha/Alpha relationships are illegal under Great Plains Nation Pack Law. With plummeting birth rates and discrimination against Omegas, the worst thing an Alpha can be is a bottom. Afraid of designation re-eduation, if he’s found out Dean has resisted acting on his most basic, primal need. Until now.

Warnings/Tags:

no archive warnings apply, Prostitution, Sex Worker Castiel, Alphas who Bottom, Alpha Dean/Omega Cas - Freeform, secondary gender dysphoria, Discussion of Past Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Sam Winchester Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Dom Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Sexual Identity, Charlie is Sus, Mechanic Dean, PhD Student Castiel, Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Fisting, BEWARE SPOILERS AHEAD, Mpreg, Pregnant Castiel

Link to Fic

Link to Art