#she doesn't even know how to ask for help regarding this in the first place

[apple-onigiri]

a distillation of adolescent rage within bonnie

as promised, here's a bit of an analysis of bonnie, specifically of how much their character is defined and fueled by anger, where that anger is coming from, and how much exactly of it is genuine and how much is there just to feel a bit more safe and a bit less confused. because man, bonnie is so well-written, it needs to be talked about more, and this aspect of them is especially handled really well

i also love them deeply, there's that. okay let's go team

to establish the facts: bonnie being angry is really the first thing we learn about them, and what siffrin's first association with them is at the point where we meet the party. it's even in their first memory's description. see? right there.

and i mean, they have a full right to be, don't they? the country is in a crisis. and while they've grown close to the rest of the party, the reason they're traveling with them in the first place is because they had to run away from their town, which they probably don't remember ever leaving beforehand, and leave their sister behind because she got frozen in time.

this is some scary stuff, especially for a kid, whose peace of mind relies on stability and familiarity. any turmoil introduced into even something as small as a daily routine can seriously mess them up, much less a separation from their one trusted guardian and a displacement of such a degree. i shudder to think what their thought process was when they were running from the curse before siffrin spotted them and the party took them in - they must've been so scared. i can't think about that too long or i feel like crying tho let's move on ok

bonnie is obviously mad at the king. they're so angry. well, who wouldn't be? he's the cause of all this. they want vengeance, they want justice, they want to help take him down! and doing only things they're limited to by the adults in the group feels like it's not enough.

this is a bit of a sidenote but this conversation hints at just how anxious bonnie's attachment style is. we know nille ran away with them from home and are given not much detail besides that, if only because bonnie was tiny and doesn't remember much of that, but both the fact that you don't have to remember something for it to shape the way you are and the fact that nille is probably pretty busy keeping both herself and her little sibling alive may be the reasons for bonnie's fear of abandonment and need to be useful

bonnie's entire friendquest stems from them needing to feel like they're contributing more, that's why they ask siffrin to teach them how to fight. and they ask siffrin specifically because they, despite their strained relationship at the moment, hold him in high regard and trust him to say if something is actually off-limits because, in their mind, he doesn't baby them needlessly.

that's rare for a kid, to not be overly coddled.

ok, back on track from the attachment style tangent, rise rise rise where is your rage back on

bonnie is even more mad at the king when they finally are facing him. and he's crying and despairing, and having the gall to act all pathetic. and bonnie can't take that. they have been so brave, keeping it together this entire time, and this guy, the cause of all this despair, dares to act like that? what gives him the right?

kids often default to expressing simpler emotions they can fully process and understand when an unexpected feeling corners them or when their defense system kicks in and deems an emotion too harmful to fully experience; they round up to the closest emotion they can and go with that. bonnie is, of course, angry, but they're also full of fear about everything that's happening that's getting tuned out for their own self-preservation, and they feel a lot of indignation and confusion about this adult that doesn't even have the decency to have his shit together to the same degree bonnie does. bonnie doesn't understand him or why he did what he did, and it feels unfair that they were staying strong and the king can just fall apart like that. but anger is easier, so it all gets rounded to that.

recognizing the layers of bonnie's emotions and how one is caused by another is key to understanding them as a character. but honestly, the king isn't the strongest example we've got to show this, however - siffrin is a better one.

we're introduced to bonnie with them acting distant towards siffrin. only in act 1 are we able to experience what the natural dynamic between those two has been ever since siffrin lost their eye, and it's genuinely a little heartbreaking. it's a lot of siffrin being awkward and jumpy, unsure how to approach bonnie, and bonnie being huffy and disconnected, not really playing into the conversation.

things are tense and neither of them is equipped to diffuse the situation. it's so, so sad because context clues tell us they used to be close - siffrin was the first one to call bonnie "bonbon" but he doesn't do that anymore, bonnie avoids even just eye contact with him, and the way they're acting is clearly something siffrin believes to be a sign of bonnie decidedly not liking them anymore.

(this "being hated" is a surprise tool that will help us later)

while we don't know why things are the way they are at first, we later learn that it's because siffrin doesn't see getting hurt while protecting bonnie as a big deal. and bonnie is upset that he got really, really seriously hurt to the point of losing an eye and he's just waving it off. there's a few things at hand here that go into bonnie's seemingly simple reaction.

the issue here largely comes from siffrin's avoidance of talking about their internal state. because they waved things off, not wanting to talk about it, bonnie didn't have the chance to talk things through either, and process them healthily. the guilt, fear and sadness stemming from someone you care about getting hurt because they kept you safe all go unaddressed.

additionally, there's a cognitive distortion that kids often suffer from where they think everything happening is their fault, even when they were in no way involved in causing it, may play a part here. because their world is just so small, if kids can't pin the blame on something else (since it may be something they're not aware of or too vague), it doesn't compute, so they immediately place the blame on themselves.

there's of course an additional doom spiral of bonnie acting closed off, siffrin taking it as them hating him, and bonnie taking that as siffrin drifting away, and the cycle perpetuating because no one in the party wants to budge into this. everyone is allergic to communication.

the crux of it is, bonnie isn't really angry at siffrin, not in the way they are at the king. it's just easier for their preteen brain to categorize what they're feeling as anger, as a defense mechanism, and point those emotions outwards instead of keeping them inside. it's easier to lash out than regurgitate those feelings and let them eat away at them. so they act out, and scream, and call siffrin stupid.

and we have one than one example of bonnie lashing out with anger because that's the easiest option. it's certainly easier than figuring out what emotions they're exactly feeling and dealing with them without admitting they're a kid that doesn't understand how to do it alone.

among them is of course the way they act when they overhear the others talking about what to do if anyone dies, and the connected rotten adults event. after that safe room, bonnie is remarkably closed off, and if you go to the poem room, they read the book on funerary rites and then pointedly pretend to not do so when asked what they're doing.

it's an incredibly exemplary interaction, i think. because they're surprised, we get an almost step by step for their thought process, and it goes a bit like this:

i didn't mean for you to see me look at this and i want you to not know about it -> stop talking like you know what i was doing because i don't want you to know about it -> i want you to think it's nothing important so that you're not more interested -> i'll tell you i'm okay because that may make you think you don't need to look -> it's not working, so i'm going to tell you directly to stop looking at what i'm doing, or at me, because, again, i don't want you to know i'm in distress -> i'm feeling a lot of things so i need to expel them in some way, "shut up" -> this is isn't working, i need to deflect and give you something else to focus on

this avoidance and giving over the reins to anger instead of processing anything is something bonnie resorts to a lot when overloaded by a lot of different emotions they can't deal with

in bonnie's mind, talking about it is bad because it's distressing, and scary, and makes them think of awful scenarios they don't want to come true, and not talking about it means not feeling all that, and that's surely better. there's also that defense mechanism at work, the externalizing of negative emotions and pointing them outward instead of letting them hurt the inside. and it kicks in on full throttle when siffrin tries to comfort bonnie.

anyone who's been in an adolescent age in their life can recognize this emotion. wanting someone to just go away, leave you alone, stop talking about something or doing something. to bonnie, if you don't talk about something, it's not real, and siffrin comforting them a. anchors the cause of their state in reality, b. confirms they don't have everything together because they needed comforting in the first place. and that's no good! so they act out. it's like a deimatic behavior, a tactic to scare off something that you would otherwise have no choice but to give in to. they're not unlike a cat hissing and puffing up to seem bigger. you know those spicy kitten videos where they just do firecracker noises at a human hand closing in on them? yeah.

and it works!! to an inordinate degree because the object of it was siffrin who a. is extremely prone to believing people hate him, b. entered a time loop because he cares so much about these people and staying with them. told you that surprise tool would come back. in bonnie's defense, people usually don't rewind time when you do that, and just back off until your emotional state is calm enough that you can talk without feeling like imploding.

it's alright, siffrin just needs enough time to assemble their own thoughts before approaching bonnie again. and when he does, we see how to overcome the obstacle of an adolescent attempting to avoid a conversation concerning unpleasant feelings.

siffrin just gives bonnie space to experience those big feelings safely and explains calmly why something happened in the first place. when they try to avoid a conversation, he just gives them time to think about it instead of giving them any sort of pep-talk, and they talk it out calmly, and make a promise to reassure bonnie that they're both gonna keep each other safe. siffrin genuinely does a remarkable joke here. no one does it better than them nothing awful will ever happen. fans of love and friendship don't think too hard about end of act 3

to drive the point home, we get a bit of an awful reprise of bonnie lashing out as a self-defense tactic in act 5 because they're overwhelmed by just how upset siffrin made them by risking getting hurt on purpose just so they could be stronger. they do the same thing as before, resorting to throwing out hurtful words to scare off the source of all those intersecting negative feelings, and, since they can now, run away.

it needs to be understood that bonnie is not a kid pointlessly angry at nothing in particular and everything around them. their anger is in direct response to too many things happening at once and them having trouble processing all of it, and instead resorting to simplifying their emotions into one very primal one, and expelling it outwards in a form of them lashing out. they're going through an already confusing time of changes you're forced to go through during your adolescence - and a national curse-related crisis is not helping. when given the tools and space to process in an environment they feel is safe, they're not nearly as wrathful.

i guess the tl;dr is this - while they have a bit of a fiery personality and some of their rage is fully justified, bonnie for the most part acts out in anger because it feels like it's keeping them safe and allowing them to not bottle in things that are too confusing to them; it's already a scary world out there for a preteen entering the world of more complex emotions, and being far away from your sister and mid-way through a national crisis is making it even worse.

it might be a bit less noticeable because they spend most of the game upset at siffrin, so we don't see a lot of their sweeter side in one-on-one conversations as much, but honestly, they're such a sweet kid. so cute too, they're extremely endearing. it's no wonder the party is hell-bent on protecting them no matter what.

[22ayla21]

Harassment Part II

No matter how well-mannered the guys are, within the walls of Night Raven College, there are those who will start harassing guests from another world.

Warning: unpleasant content, mentions of harassment, if you are uncomfortable, do not read. Fem! Reader.

Third year Second year First year

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle will not tolerate even the slightest hint of inappropriate behavior. If someone dares to disrespect his beloved, he will intervene immediately, using his magic if necessary. Depending on the severity of the situation, he may impose severe punishment.

Realizing that there are well-behaved students in the school, but also those who do not adhere to proper standards, Riddle may propose a new set of rules regarding the respectful treatment of the girl. He may even organize a meeting in the dorms to make it clear to everyone that she will not be treated with disrespect.

After the incident, he will most likely become even more attentive to her surroundings. He may begin to accompany her when possible, or assign one of his trusted people (such as Trey or Ace and Deuce) to ensure that no one crosses the line.

Although Riddle is strict, he is not used to showing excessive emotion. If the harassment affects his lover, he may experience not only anger for the first time, but also a deep sense of personal responsibility for her well-being. This will cause him to question whether he is truly protecting her as he should.

After the threat is removed, Riddle may be concerned for his lover, but will express this in a more measured manner. He will ask if she is okay, and perhaps offer her tea to help calm her down. Internally, he will be very worried and will reproach himself for not preventing the situation sooner.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie is a man who does not like to get involved in problems without benefit. If he notices that someone is being pushy towards his beloved, he will most likely first observe the situation, trying to understand how serious it is. If the girl can handle it herself, he will simply keep the situation under control, but if he sees that things are going too far, he will intervene.

Ruggie knows how to work with people, especially if they are dumber than him. He can first approach the harassers with a wide smile and a friendly tone, as if he does not notice the problem, and offer them to "talk" in private. However, the conversation will be far from peaceful - he will subtly threaten them, using their weaknesses: "You don't want anyone to know about your failed exams, huh?" or "You don't want to lose your lunch next week, do you?"

If the situation is serious, but he does not want to get his hands dirty, he can involve Leona. After all, he is his right hand, and he knows how to present information correctly. He can casually say something like: "Oi, Leona-san, it seems like there's a guy here who's trying to flirt with someone else's girl. Do you think I should give him some advice?" Leona doesn't like to interfere, but if he's irritated, he can simply intimidate the offender or accidentally put him in his place.

Ruggie won't openly yell or hit people, but he will protect his beloved in any way he can - cunning, intimidation, manipulation, and hidden threats. He won't tolerate anyone causing her discomfort, but he will do everything so that he himself doesn't have any problems.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul is a person who knows how to keep a straight face. If he finds out about harassment, he will pretend that nothing happened at first, but in reality, he is already planning how to eliminate the problem. He will not make a scene, but will choose a more sophisticated method of punishment.

He may approach the offenders with a friendly smile and offer a "favorable" deal that will leave them at a loss. For example, he may create a contract that seems to give something tempting, but in reality will turn out to be a punishment - perhaps they will lose their vote for a week, or their special magic for a month or more.

If the offenders are important figures in the school (from rich families or influential clubs), he will not act directly, but will use cunning manipulation. He can spread rumors, frame them in the eyes of others, or convince the heads of other dorms of their unreliability.

If the situation gets out of hand, he can call Floyd or Jade. Floyd is a "fun" guy, and the idea of scaring or beating up bullies is likely to appeal to him. Jade, being more subtle, may "accidentally" arrange for these guys to have discipline problems.

After the incident, Azul may become more attentive and caring. He may subtly add little bonuses to her day, such as asking her to stay at the Monstro Lounge where she will be safe, or suddenly inviting her on outings to keep her away from unpleasant people. If he sees that his beloved is truly scared, it will hit his insecurities. He will feel like he is not good enough, since he could not protect her. This may lead to him becoming even more secretive, but also more brutal in his methods.

Floyd Leech

Floyd is a man of mood, so his reaction to the harassment of his beloved may depend on what state he is in at the moment.

If he is in a good mood, his first reaction may be playful and mocking. He may come up, put his arm around his beloved's shoulders, smile at the impudent one, and lazily say something like: "Oh, you probably don't know... but the shrimp is already taken~" His smile may seem friendly, but it will intuitively become clear that it is full of hidden threat.

However, if this person continues to pester, Floyd will quickly lose all humor. A dark light will appear in his eyes, he will literally freeze for a second, and then instantly be next to the offender, grabbing him by the shoulder or collar, squeezing with a force that can crunch the fabric. His voice becomes low, and the intonations are frighteningly slow. Depending on his mood, Floyd can either intimidate the bully or outright threaten him physically (but not in a way that would make him answer to the teachers later).

If he is already irritated, he will skip the mockery stage and immediately move on to intimidating behavior. He can grab the bully by the neck, wrist, or even press him against the wall with such force that he will stop breathing for a second.

"Huh? Who gave you permission to touch my shrimp? Come on, explain it to me while your ribs are still intact." At this point, his voice will be low and the pressure will be noticeable.

If his beloved tries to stop him, Floyd can immediately calm down, hug her and say: "You don't like it? Okay, I won't... But he won't bother me anymore, I promise~" However, he can send an icy look to the bully at the end, showing that he remembered his face. In any case, whoever dared to pester his beloved, that person would either learn a memorable lesson or be afraid to even look in her direction next time.

Jade Leech

Jade never shows his irritation or anger openly. He will continue to smile, speak politely and act as usual, but at the same time he will carefully watch anyone who approaches his beloved with inappropriate intentions.

If someone crosses the line, Jade will most likely not make an open scene. Instead, he will gently remind the offender not to do something he will later regret. His voice will remain soft, his smile - friendly, but the coldness in his eyes and slight hints will make it clear that he is quite capable of making a person's life a nightmare.

If someone really goes too far, that person will suddenly start to face minor (and sometimes major) troubles: their things will mysteriously disappear, someone will trip them up, and their reputation among the students will begin to fall for no apparent reason. And no one will guess that Jade is behind it - except, perhaps, Azul and Floyd, who will only smirk.

Jade can ask her with a slight smile: "Oh, my dear, what exactly will you do with these people? Perhaps you will allow me to help a little?" He will watch her reaction, checking how capable she is of standing up for herself - but if necessary, he will personally make sure that no one bothers her anymore.

Unlike her brother, who could immediately start a fight or start chasing offenders, Jade acts covertly. However, if his beloved is really in danger, he will not stand on ceremony - perhaps no one will ever know where that impudent man who allowed himself too much disappeared to.

Kalim Ali-Asim

Despite his cheerful and easy-going personality, Kalim cares deeply for those he loves. He would be greatly concerned if someone were to harm his beloved. This sense of protection would show in his actions, and he would try to intervene as quickly as possible to stop such harassment.

While Kalim may not be the most agile and is sometimes naive, he would try to actively intervene to protect his beloved, even if it meant failing or looking awkward. He would perhaps try to resolve the situation peacefully, but if that did not work, he would not be afraid to take advantage of his position or perhaps ask Jamil or other friends for help.

Kalim, being a man with good intentions, might not immediately understand the gravity of the situation. He might take action, such as speaking in a friendly manner to those who violated his boundaries, but his sincerity might not be taken seriously, especially when it comes to people with less well-mannered behavior.

Despite his naivety, Kalim has the ability to be decisive. He might engage in more decisive actions, such as reporting the incident to his teachers or older students. His desire to protect others, especially those he loves, would be motivated by a desire to not let anyone be humiliated or hurt.

He might display naive but sincere kindness, while not always clearly understanding how to effectively deal with such situations. It is important to note that his primary actions would come from a desire to protect and support, rather than a desire to demonstrate his power or status. He would console her, trying to strengthen her spirit, and encourage her so that she does not feel alone or helpless in this situation.

Jamil Viper

Jamil, who is used to avoiding attention and hiding his true intentions, might try to stay out of the way and remain on the sidelines at first. He would initially choose to keep a low profile to avoid making the situation worse or putting himself at risk, especially if he felt that interfering could lead to further complications.

Despite his calm exterior, Jamil is an intelligent and experienced man. He would likely use his knowledge and skills to eliminate the threat quietly and without unnecessary noise. This could involve using manipulation or influential people to quell the harassment without drawing unnecessary attention to himself.

As a man with a strong sense of responsibility, Jamil would likely feel obligated to protect his lover, especially if she is new to a world she is not accustomed to. Even if he would prefer to remain in the shadows, he might find a way to protect her, even if it means using his hidden abilities a little.

Jamil, despite his polite and calm exterior, may hide a deep rage inside. If harassment were to become overt, he would control his emotions, but he could probably act tough in the shadows, finding ways to punish those who violate boundaries. This could manifest itself in more subtle actions, such as provoking violators through manipulation or using social connections.

As a person who hides his true feelings, Jamil may experience an internal conflict. He may, on the one hand, feel the desire to protect his lover and show his strength, and on the other, he may be afraid of revealing his true potential and desire to be recognized. This can lead to internal tension, where his hidden ambition clashes with his desire for a quiet life without unnecessary attention.

Jamil may try to solve the problem with the help of influential people, such as older mentors or teachers, if the situation gets out of control. He could turn to someone who would be able to influence the offenders without revealing his own efforts.

Silver Vanrouge

Silver would probably react with his usual seriousness and restraint. First of all, he would be wary and extremely attentive to the safety of his beloved. Despite his tendency to fall asleep in unexpected situations, when it comes to Malleus or loved ones, he is capable of showing unusual determination.

If the harassment comes from students, he would try to politely but firmly intervene, warning them that such actions are unacceptable. However, if the situation gets out of hand, he will not hesitate and may become aggressive, revealing his hidden but strong side. At the same time, his reaction can be restrained and almost cold-blooded, with the intention of eliminating the threat without unnecessary emotions.

Silver will probably not make loud scenes or public conflicts, preferring to resolve everything within the framework of discipline and respect. If the situation continues to deteriorate, his tendency to silently threaten and give a cold stare will make his behavior intimidating to those who violate his boundaries.

After the harassment incident, Silver will take special care of his girlfriend with special attention and care. He will monitor her safety, offering support and reassurance that she is safe with him. His actions will be quiet but caring: he will accompany her wherever necessary and often show his attention through small gestures, such as supporting her in difficult moments or protecting her from possible threats. His care will be shown through protection, not words, and he will try to make her feel safe and protected.

[avelera]

Unwell thinking about how the possibility to push Viktor to ask for more of Jayce's attention, or even to remove Mel from the picture, didn't even OCCUR to Future Viktor. Because he truly thinks that Jayce can't possibly unconditionally accept him and his flaws. He NEEDS to be physically perfect first.

So the timeline of Jesus Viktor keeps playing out as an inevitability, partially fueled by Jayce's attention being pulled towards the Council and missing a lot of red flags happening with Viktor.

When all it would have taken was Viktor directly asking Jayce for help or attention instead of skirting around the issue/generalising it to "people need our help". That sweet dog of a man would have dropped anything if only you asked, Viktor

Jayce would have dropped EVERYTHING, E V E R Y T H I N G if just ONCE Viktor had given him an unambiguous, "Help me!" I believe this in my bones.

And this gets into something I love about S1, which is how airtight it is written (S2 has a lot of bigger events but lays less groundwork, it's why I give it a 95% instead of a 100% like S1, just as a writer). Because you can go back to S1 and see every single moment that people could have prevented what comes later, and exactly why they were unable to do so.

You can see that Silco wants to shut down the bridge to trap Vi in the undercity -> He tells Marcus to find a way to shut down the bridge -> Jayce as a new Council is flustered and overwhelmed so when Marcus says the only way to be 100% safe is to shut down the bridge he says sure, let's do that then, because Marcus deliberately only gave an engineer one solution so the engineer listened -> Viktor gets trapped in the blockade after acquiring Shimmer, he's nervous and on edge because he has illegal drugs on him for an illegal experiment -> Jayce is overwhelmed and harried and freaking out because he's been summoned down to the bridge to collect Viktor. He's also freaking out because he's now worried for Viktor's safety because he's been getting fed crisis after crisis about how it's the people from the undercity who are dangerous, he just saw death for the first time after Jinx's explosion and he grew up with Piltover prejudices that are resurfacing under the assault of Silco's machinations, Jinx's attacks, and Marcus's manipulations -> Jayce freaks out and yells at Viktor out of fear for his life -> Viktor who was in an emotionally vulnerable place, fearing for his own life and worried he'd lose Jayce's regard if he proceeds hears Singed's voice in his head saying Jayce might not understand, decides not to tell Jayce about the Shimmer. Jayce's prejudices also push Viktor to clam up instead of going to him for help like he might have otherwise -> overall the chaos on the bridge and the Molotov further heightens the tension and robs Jayce and Viktor of a moment where Viktor would have felt comfortable coming clean, asking for Jayce's help, or bringing him in on the experiment -> Sky dies as a result -> EVERYTHING that happens in Act 2 as a result of Viktor doing those Hexcore experiments alone.

Like that's just one example of how that one bridge scene argument is caught in an incredibly intricate web of human cause and effect, it's fucking genius.

But we see why Viktor didn't ask for help, even aside from that one conversation on the bridge. He generally doesn't ask for help, perhaps because of his disability and his pride, perhaps out of shame because he knows these experiments are extreme, perhaps out of fear because he doesn't want Jayce to know how close to death he really is and fear clouds your judgement, perhaps because it's a very human, self-defeating thing to do.

And as for not asking Jayce to dump Mel... how could he? He's dying. When he dies, Jayce is going to be alone in the world, how can he begrudge him a new partner? Even if he despises her existence in Jayce's life with every fiber of his being? Especially when she seems to represent that he and Jayce's paths in life have diverged, and maybe that's what's best for Jayce! He has a promising future elsewhere, even if Viktor hates it, he's dying and he doesn't have the right to ask Jayce to change, not unless he can cure himself. Not unless he can offer himself as a real alternative.

Which is what makes the Mel-inspired look for his robot in 2.08 so fucking bonkers. Like wow, Viktor did it! He cured his disease and transcended humanity and he's working on their dream like they always wanted and he's BACK and he's ready to FIGHT for Jayce's time and attention, while effectively cosplaying as a robot version of Mel, in the Council Chamber that stole so much of Jayce's attention as if he needed to do any of those things to get Jayce's attention other than just ask him for it directly using his words.

[moonsaver]

Context before getting into the actual idea: I recently saw some fanart based on concept art for Dr Ratio where he has slightly longer, messier hair and the fanart interpreted this as him having a bit of a rebellious phase when he was younger.

So now I’m just thinking about Reader going to school with him when he was going through this phase. He had a bit of a crush on her but didn’t know how to express it so he just messed with her constantly.

And now they meet again when he’s changed and he hasn’t gotten over her she’s just getting massive amounts of whiplash from how wildly different he is. Could be yandere 👀

Anon. I am GRIPPINT YOU BY THE SHOULDERS. Listen. Unfortunately i doubt i did this justice but i tried my best PLEASE okay

A bit long, under the cut!

Its not exactly easy to imagine Dr. Ratio of all people being rebellious, but that just makes it even more possibly believeable in my opinion. I am deeply convinced he has had his crazy scientist, jerkward asshole phase at least once and was soo deeply embarassed the moment he left it.

But listen. His professors all probably HATED him because he would probably constantly correct them, be so disgustingly overeducated to the point they'd send him to the library or tell him to get lost just so he wouldn't disrupt class. He's the infamous asshole who sits wherever he wants, and hoardes an entire table to himself if he's at the library or at the cafeteria. Any student who needs a pen or eraser or a pencil knows he's NOT the one to ask, even if it was in the middle of an exam worth half their grade and he was the only person beside them. He does literally anything he wants and no one can stop him except probably by force, and if they do, something worse ends up happening to them instead.

Anyways, here comes in reader. Probably already knows his sour reputation. Regardless, maybe you're the poor soul who's his seatmate. If the crush is already established, he's constantly bothering you. Asking for stationaries like the entirety of his desk isn't covered by it already (he likes the miniscule interaction), taking your notebooks without your knowledge and sometimes even scribbling inside of them (its his horrid handwriting, he's just trying to help you with detailed notes), he comments on how "lame" your outfit is, asking about your social life, rolling his eyes when your response isn't exactly.. pleasing (he's actually a bit content with it. Perhaps you'll hang out with him more, instead?). You note the smell of alcohol trailing him a bit everytime you interact with him.

It's not easy for him, especially when you can't seem to keep up and look so queasy around him. Aeons, his heart is so twisted up and squeezed everytime he seems to be getting more distant from you, but he just has no idea how to convey his feelings. Not when he didn't even account for the fact he'll have a crush on anyone in the first place.

Anyways, timeskip!

You're probably a researcher of some sort, maybe not so well known. Let's just say for the sake of simplicity you're a researcher on Herta's space station. It's not too soon before he runs into you, probably after the whole mess at the station's been "cleaned up" regarding the curio and whatever. Maybe he doesn't leave right after that interaction with Screwellum, and he decides to, by his curiosity, take a look around once again before he leaves (certainly not because he's heard a familiar name thrown around a few times).

And there you are. In your little research-getup, professional vernacular, hair all neat. He's probably right behind you in an instant, and you turn around to look as the colleague you were talking to suddenly starts stuttering and becoming squeamish while looking behind you. There he is, in all his (cruel?) Glory. The infamous asshole who was your classmate.

But.. it's surprising how much more mellow he's become (at least towards you?). His hair are neatly tamed, his build is taller and more muscular than it was back then, but his attire is also quite tame (if not a little.. fancy?), compared to his brash taste back then. His eyes still seem to hold contempt, but more distantly so.

Veritas figures your mouth is agape and you're speechless considering the change in his countenance as of recent. He's also not yet come to terms with the fact that his heart still twists and squeezes whenever he sees that unsure look on your face. If you were made of clay, and if he could, he'd meld the most beautiful smile on your face with his craftful fingers. Alas, he resorts to tamer methods. At least he supposes he's a wiser man, now. He's more aware of different courting methods.

He asks about your station, your current life, family, friends, etc .. in a seemingly disinterested tone. There's a bit of resignation but hidden constrain in his voice, everytime you mention a "close friend" of yours or a colleague you worked with "closely". But he hasn't been berating you the way he would have back then. His fingers slightly constantly strain, folded behind his back, trying desperately not to taper towards you – there's stray strands of hair on your face. Your headpiece is off centre. Your pen is slanting in your pocket. Your shoulders are too tense. Your eyebrows are furrowed. your eyes look tired. Have your lips always been chapped? They were fine back then.. hold on.

While you stutter out useless formalities and pleasantries, Veritas' eyes scan you over. Time has weathered you well, in his opinion. The thin line of his pressed lips dont quite indicate that. He sighs almost grimly, shutting you up in an instant. He offers you to accompany him and possibly consider joining the Intelligentsia Guild (is it not worth a shot trying? It may be foolish, but he's a tad too desperate when it comes to you). You timidly mumble out a refusal, the words barely leaving your mouth. He nods.

Catching up makes his heart squeeze and rush all over the place. Topics he once tried to teach you back then (by.. VERY unsuccessful methods,) seem to be elementary knowledge to you now. You work more efficiently, hold yourself in a better, more confident way, and you seem to be smoothsailing in your life. Granted, it's technically the bare minimum, but its been so long since he talked to you. The chirp in your voice, the chuckle you let out every now and then despite your nervousness around him, has his heart in his throat. He can't bring himself to try and even "set you straight" by giving you (unwarranted) advice or piddling your achievements, there's a soft smile he's duly hiding behind his scorning face.

He offers you again, if you are unsure about joining the Guild, and discreetly mentions it being filled with imbeciles regardless when you deny again, pulling another string of laughter out of you. Hmph, you weren't so joyful when he made those statements back in high school.

Granted,you're obviously still not quite sure about Veritas' new look. He's still got his infamous reputation as an extremely strict teacher, the oddball with an alabastor head and having worked with the IPC, it's not a pleasant image per se, but it's heaps better than his reputation back at school. You politely make a joke about it, and he groans, earning another cautious, light chuckle from you. He has become different. You prattle on about the length of his hair, his refinement of speech, the difference in how he holds himself now.. it does leave him melting a tad bit inside. You noticed it? Hm. Clever little thing.

Of course, goodbyes are seldom sweet. He does manage to pry out your contact information once again, before. If you don't budge,he finds another way regardless. Your network of colleagues aren't exactly as strong as you might have thought. He remembers this information carefully.

Like the old days, maybe he'll manage to keep slipping notes into your reports and files. Perhaps pull a few strings back in the old days to keep you in his class, he'll slowly knot and twist a few strings to bring and budge you over to his little workplace. Sooner or later, you'll end up in his home. He's sure of it.

And just like the old days, his little seatmate is by his side once again. Care to put up with him for a bit longer? Probably forever, in this case.

[silverwarewolf]

DUNGEON MESHI EPISODE 24 THOUGHTS

Oh, I had asked to see what the party's thoughts regarding the changeling situation were, especially when it came to their lifespans, but I didn't think it would turn out like this!

GOOD FUCKING JOB, CHILCHUCK. YOU'VE TRAUMATIZED MARCILLE EVEN FURTHER. Oh but I do so love the horrors of this situation of theirs. Marcille babygirl I would like to hug you and have a nice chat.

Anywya, on we go to think about Falin and any solutions that might help us here. Which is great! I love how much foreshadowing there is (in terms of what I've been vaguely told about the manga).

Laios Touden's problem solving skills, everyone.

That's honestly the SICKEST weapon design, I'm so on board with you Laios. This could be Kensuke's Halloween makeover. BUT DONT JUST TAKE THOSE MUSHROOMS WITH YOU OH MY GOD

... was this the opening sequence foreshadowing everyone was freaking out about? was that it? (don't actually tell me, though. if it was it, say yes. if it wasn't, don't say anything)

no comment here I just love them.

I just will never get used to elfshi's hands being Like That. But it's also kinda nice to see him and Izutsumi working along so nicely! Like, don't even get me started on how Izu is presented as the pickiest eater of the party (Marcille has been dethroned severely) and usually you'd see that presented as a Hassle, but here in DM, Senshi doesn't even bat an eye. He knows and respects Izutsumi's tastes and preferences and works his meals out around it! That's such a based thing for him to do. <3

This is a renaissance painting. (I love it when they adapt Ryoko Kui's visual gags and I LOVE when she does zoomed in faces like this. Truly one of the artists ever)

I did not have "Laios gets Pissed On" on my bingo card but every day I grow more and more convinced that the animators KNOW what they're doing and - OH MY GOD IS THAT SENSHI'S DWUSSY. ELFSHI ALTERNATIVE TO PANTY SHOT.

Ah, yes, Izutsumi sprawls all over them when sleeping, we been knew, again it's a little unexpected to see it front and center but I guess it works to demonstrate them returning to - THAT WAS LAIOS??? AND CHILCHUCK IS JUST LIFTING HIS LEG LIKE THAT?? OKAY THEN. SURE.

(and then there's a few more seconds of laiosfoot and laios bedhead)

BUT HEY THEY'RE BACK TO NORMAL

1) Yep, they're back to normal.

2) Laios I love you and I love Gothsuke but someone needs to be careful about biohazards and it's not going to be you.

3) Add this to the "Marcille Donato gets threateningly close to you in three steps" folder.

4) Truly only they can match each other's freak. When the NECROMANCER is telling you not to do something, don't do it! I know last time you smuggled a "normal" sword, it turned out to be useful, but I'm sure that's not the case here!

5) Poor Laios tho. I'll learn to blacksmith just to give you a cool sword. <3

I'm so glad they kept this. One of the silliest touden siblings moments. 10/10 no notes. Also, Falin is never beating the blunt force trauma allegations.

IS THAT CHILCHUCK'S WIFE. ARE YOU - MA'AM. HELLO?

"Why aren't you a twink like I thought you'd be?!" gets adapted! (I'm pretty sure that's the scene meant to be here, anyways)

I get it, girl.

Oh dear, they're going to eat Falin. And SENSHI was the one to suggest it! For a guy who was just fighting the doubts of accidental cannibalism a week ago, you're taking bold steps forward.

(I do love how it mirrors Laios' kindness back then, in truth. Even if it's an idea so shocking and dire at first, it comes from a place of reason and logic and love)

Marcille "I said I wanted to eat her OUT, not eat HER" Donato Izutsumi "That's going to taste gross as fuck" Izutsumi Chilchuck "If it brings her back..." Tims Laios Touden, the man with a thousand things on his head right now, two of which I reckon are "I don't want to eat my sister" and "Dragon-Chicken... what might it taste like?"

Yes, well. Valid as your concerns are, Laios, because how the fuck would five people eat THAT much meat, you can't just ramble on about what dishes you're going to make out of your sister.

(...I get it, though. I mean if you're going to eat, might as well make it good, right? I know no one wants to grill one of Faligon's ribs but I'll go ahead and say it would be worse to tell them to eat her raw)

FUCK! we DID lose those scenes about the twin bell that toshiro kept!! forever sad about that.

oh my godddd they're going back into the dungeonnn we're going to reunite with themmm

I know they're really fucking competent, I mean, Namari and Toshiro are already described as pretty formidable warriors (and we've seen it), and Kabru is... admittedly much more geared to fight humans but he's a decent fighter either way. And a good leader!

Speaking of, where the fuck is everyone else.

I know they're meant to be scary (and I suppose they are! If we have the reference that, firstly, marcille is an excellent spellcaster so these elves could be just as good in their own areas of expertise, yes?, and secondly, the canaries are Well Known)

... plus, Namari, Toshiro and Kabru are wary of them. Namari, Toshiro and Kabru are wary of them.

BUT damn it Lycion, I need to- (gets dragged off stage)

Anyway, while we wait for the next season (WHICH HAS BEEN GREENLIT! WOHOO!), have these wonderful images of chicken falin being a cathedral painting (...if cathedrals ever added dragons, i guess) and my beloveds, who have finally returned!

[motorway-south]

cersei loves jaime

the idea that jaime loves cersei in a genuine and true way while cersei only wants to take advantage of jaime and loves him as an extension of herself is completely misogynistic. cersei really does love jaime, expressly for the person he is. what makes the cersei/jaime affair toxic (especially in affc/adwd) is that jaime was given a list of names by tyrion of men cersei has slept with, and it completely destroys his trust in her

"Cersei is a lying whore, she's been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know..." - Jaime I, AFFC

Lancel and Ser Osmund and how many more? Was the part about Moon Boy just a gibe? - Jaime IV, AFFC

i shit you not, jaime thinks of this moment 10 times across his 7 chapters in AFFC. This wedge is further agitated by cersei's (rightful!!!) paranoia about the tyrells and tommen. it's in the moments where jaime is most flippant with tommen's safety that she is cruelest towards him. she isn't angry that her mini-me isn't doing exactly what she asks. she's angry that, days after their first child AND father's deaths, jaime shows callous disregard for their only remaining child's safety (with myrcella in dorne)

but it's completely ridiculous to say cersei doesn't love jaime. he's her first choice to be her new hand as regent:

"We are his heirs, Jaime," she whispered. "It will be up to us to finish his work. You must take Father's place as Hand. You see that now, surely. Tommen will need you . . ." - Cersei I, AFFC

ignore the lannister facsism my girl was lowkey drinking the kool aid. NEVERTHELESS him denying her here really does fuck with her head and become another in a long list of abandonments she deals with in AFFC

but wait! you say. she immediately says this to kevan afterwards:

"Jaime . . . Jaime has taken vows. Jaime never thinks, he laughs at everything and everyone and says whatever comes into his head. Jaime is a handsome fool." - Cersei II, AFFC

this line could be damning. it's not kind, and it's not entirely accurate (though it is accurate the the persona that jaime puts on). but it also comes at a crucial moment in the "breaking" of cersei, which is when she realizes that she is not tywin's heir. she married robert. she gave him grandchildren. she restored him to hand of the king. and yet.

"I shall set matters aright!" Cersei softened her tone. "With your help, Uncle. If you will serve me as faithfully as you served my father—" "You are not your father. And Tywin always regarded Jaime as his rightful heir." - Cersei II, AFFC

Though he was ten years her junior, he wanted her; Cersei could see it in the way he looked at her. Men had been looking at her that way since her breasts began to bud. Because I was so beautiful, they said, but Jaime was beautiful as well, and they never looked at him that way. When she was small she would sometimes don her brother's clothing as a lark. She was always startled by how differently men treated her when they thought that she was Jaime. Even Lord Tywin himself... - Cersei IV, AFFC

cersei isn't being cruel to jaime because he rejected her. she's being cruel because kevan and tywin have rejected her as a possible heir.

prophecy paranoia also gets to her

Jaime did not understand. No one understood. Only Melara had been in the tent to hear the old hag's croaking threats, and Melara was long dead. ... There is no one I can rely upon, not even Jaime, she realized grimly. - Cersei III, AFFC

but i promise you, under all of this, cersei still has a huge crush on jaime

she thinks of him very highly in regards to his tourney wins

No man will stand before him." Margaery Tyrell gave the queen a coy smile. "But I never knew that King Robert was so accomplished at the joust. Pray tell us, Your Grace, what tourneys did he win? What great knights did he unseat? I know the king should like to hear about his father's victories." A flush crept up Cersei's neck. The girl had caught her out. Robert Baratheon had been an indifferent jouster, in truth. During tourneys he had much preferred the mêlée, where he could beat men bloody with blunted axe or hammer. It had been Jaime she had been thinking of when she spoke. - Cersei V, AFFC

she frequently thinks back on his words

Jaime always said that the hardest part of any battle is just before, waiting for the carnage to begin. When she stepped outside, Cersei saw that the sky was grey and bleak. - Cersei X, AFFC

including some truly terrible jokes im sorry cersei but theres no defending this one

The dank and dismal fortnight Cersei spent at Greenstone, the seat of House Estermont, was the longest of her young life. Jaime dubbed the castle "Greenshit" at first sight, and soon had Cersei doing it too.  - Cersei V, AFFC

these little moments highlight that cersei does see jaime's personality, his jokes, his skill for battle and jousting, and they're not traits she envies for herself. we NEVER see cers wish she was funnier, and while she expresses a desire to be a man, she never really expresses a desire to wield a sword like the other warrior maids we meet in the series (brienne, arya, asha). she describes jaime as her sword arm, but that too is playing off of jaime's own projections of himself. cersei wants to be a great king, and jaime wants to be a great kingsguard.

the "extension of herself" theory only works if cersei is keeping jaime in a subservient position to her, which is countered by the fact he time and time again refuses power that would upset his position as kingsguard. it would also make sense if she only lauded jaime's traits that were similar to hers, which she obviously doesn't. cersei truly loves jaime, but that love becomes corrupted by the blood that is required for its sustanence (jon arryn, bran, ned, joffrey, etc.)

[celestemona]

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘’𝐑𝐄 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒

and their wives were asked the mostly random places where they did it.

pairing: husband! alhaitham, cyno, kaedehara kazuha, kaveh, lyney, neuvillette, wriothesley x fem! reader(s)

cw: they're just talking about places they had/have sex. mdi. not beta-read.

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐄𝐍'𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 (𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐘 𝐀𝐔) 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆.

𝐍𝐕!𝐖: His main seat in the court at the Opera Epiclese. We also do it in his office but Neuvi prefers to do it at home... Although I must say that in our dating days, there wasn't a single room in our house that hadn't remained... untouchable.

𝐖𝐑!𝐖: Our office. Whenever we can, of course. We've fucked several times at some expeditions to the abandoned zone of ​​the fortress as well. We were never caught. But if we're going to talk about our most unusual experiences, I can only think of the memorable time Wrio pressed me against the wall behind Wolsey's cafeteria during dinner time. We had to silence one of the guards that night.

𝐍𝐕!𝐖: My my. That's so scandalous. I like that.

𝐊����!𝐖: During my husband's pirate days, we used to escape to the crow's nest a lot. If there were some goods to be transported, he’d pull me behind its boxes. I have to say that living a nomadic life taught me to overcome the fear and shyness of having sex outdoors and enjoy the excitement the environment provides. Liyue has some perfect hiding spots for this. 

𝐊𝐕!𝐖: I agree. Although I haven't had any crazy adventures like you, I must say that it was quite thrilling to seduce Kaveh while we stayed at my sister's Jade Chamber. She had given us the suite with the biggest balcony and… well… You can imagine what happened after that. The height and high exposure help to increase the adrenaline. 

𝐂𝐘!𝐖: Now I understand why you guys have such exhibitionist nighttime adventures. Thank you for enlightening us, my dear. But anyway. Just like our dear friend Lady Kaedehara, it isn’t uncommon for Cyno and I to have our intimate moments outdoors since we travel to the desert quite often. You can say that we already know the right caves and ruins where we can make it without getting caught in any inconvenience. However, my favorite adventure of ours would be that one where I rode him in the Grand Sage’s office. 

𝐊𝐕!𝐖: Damn girl, you are just as shameless if not more than me. 

𝐀𝐇!𝐖: I'd say the two of you are more similar with each other than you let on. Well, you see, Alhaitham prefers to have sex in environments where we won't be caught much less interrupted. That doesn't mean we haven't had our intimate moments outside of our bedroom, of course. I think the most frequented ones in this regard would be his office, my classroom, and the restricted book aisle in the House of Daena. Oh, and there was also that time we escaped out of the tavern to somewhere outdoors when we had that group dinner. 

𝐊𝐕!𝐖: I told you she wasn't feeling sick. 

𝐂𝐘!𝐖: It surprises me how you can say such filthy things with that innocent face of yours. 

𝐖𝐑!𝐖: And you, my dear? I believe that Lyney is a very romantic partner just because of the way he looks at you. 

𝐋𝐍!𝐖: He is. Although he is also a little… unpredictable. I believe it won't even surprise you if I say that we've fucked several times behind the stage or in our dressing room. Plus, Lyney likes to eat me out in places we visit for the first time so not even the office at his Father's orphanage escaped that. 

𝐍𝐕!𝐖: My goodness. Appearances really can be deceiving. 

𝐋𝐍!𝐖: Tell me about it. I couldn't have a proper conversation with his Father for an entire month without remembering her showing up at her own office and finding her son with his head between her daughter-in-law's thighs. 

𝐊𝐙!𝐖: Her? 

𝐋𝐍!𝐖: Long story short his father is a woman. 

𝐀𝐇!𝐖: Interesting.

𝐖𝐑!𝐖: Well. Needless to say we're having a pleasant talk here. I must say though that we had some very unusual experiences and others full of twists. I think we should make a toast. To our passionate adventures and for those yet to come!

𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝐖𝐑: The girls are quite noisy today, huh.

𝐂𝐘: Definitely they are. What do you think they're giggling about? 

𝐊𝐕 & 𝐊𝐙: You'd rather not know.

[gouraminnow]

May I request something with platonic yandere whitebeard and a toddler reader? Like I’m envisioning the crew somehow pick up a young child that recently lost her parents. And she’s traumatized and shy just holding onto dear life a stuffed bunny that is almost as big as her because she’s just so tiny. And poor baby can’t sleep is injured and hides from the crew. She is just so used to sleeping with said stuffed animal and in the same bed as her deceased parents. So she wonders into whitebeards quarters after she was supposed to be “asleep” somehow climbs up onto that giant bed and goes ah yes this feels right and familiar (probably didn’t help that the crew calls him pops and she is like pops? Like papa? I sleep with papa and mama. Mama and papa gone. I no like. New papa? New papa. My papa. Sleep now.) and just melts and cuddles up to him holding her bunny tight falling fast asleep.

Wow this is really specific. I mean this completely genuinely, have some of you anons considered making ocs/dipping your toes into writing yourselves? You've pretty much written your own scenario right here. I got back into writing by chatting with someone I sent long asks to, so I recommend giving it a shot if you're on the fence a all :)

Anyway!

The WBP are the most likely to actually adopt. Everybody else is kind of a deadbeat. Even still, I don't think they'd bring such a young kid along unless there was nowhere safe to drop her off nearby + somebody gets attached. Which is far from impossible.

This kid is either some sole survivor of something horrible, living with adopters deemed unfit for parenting(in which case they likely aren't long for this world), or the dead parents were already connected to the WBP in some way so WB feels some form of connection/responsibility already. Whatever the case, this tiny kid is brought on board.

Real shy like you said, tries to run and hide but won't let go of the massive bunny either so she doesn't get very far... probably does the little kid thing where she sits behind a box or a curtain and thinks she's hidden just because she can't see any of them. They'll humor it, it's better than such a young kid actually finding a proper hiding place and going unsupervised for lord knows how long. Plus it's pretty cute.

Regarding Whitebeard and the sleeping arrangements specifically... I really don't see things working out. First, the kid has to be able to stand the old man's snoring. But hey, I slept through blenders and fire alarms as a kid, so it's possible! But on the other hand...

If Whitebeard rolls over or hell, just moves an arm wrong, he could crush the poor kid. Luckily, he wakes up as soon as she curls up with him. Maybe even sooner, the pitter-patter of her little feet against the floor enough to get his attention. This is the guy who woke up to fend off Ace's knife attack at the last moment, after all. He stays still, making his mind up to scold his adult children for their lapse in care in the morning- she shouldn't be able to sneak by them. That's ridiculous.

But he's not a monster. He's not gonna kick the poor thing out, especially not if she hasn't done much else to get closer to anyone. She clambers her way up onto the bed, dragging the rabbit up with her as she curls up in the strip of space between his arm and his body. And the little whispered murmur of "Papa" once she settles gets him good. So he sighs, resigning himself to a sleepless night, slowly moving his massive hand closer to cradle the poor thing. It's enough to cover her and the rabbit both. He'll be scolded by Marco and the nurses for not getting his rest, and he'll scold his other children for letting the kid sneak into his room in the first place.

It's fine, though. If she insists on sleeping in Papa's room after that night, he has them move a smaller bed in next to his to minimize the risk of squishing. Kind of like a motorcycle side-car but. It's a bed.

[trippinsorrows]

Girl where is part two???????

"is he by you?"

a frantic question from a frantic woman. a woman still living in between the valley of disbelief and concern, a permanent residence for over the past hour and a half. the scene replaying in her head like a form of torture. unthinkable. unimaginable. unbelievable.

dwayne sighs on the other end. "yeah, he's here."

at that, solana's eyes shut, her emotions settling just the slightest. not knowing where her children are has always been one of her greatest fears. among other things. and tonight, that's exactly what happened. tamasa not only left the house, but he left the house without his phone, leaving solana with no way to contact him.

how he managed to leave without security following him, she hasn't a clue, but that's an issue for another day. she has much more important, heavier things to tackle.

"sol, what the hell happened over there?" dwayne's question brings her back to the conversation at hand. "kid has barely said a word and looks like he saw a fucking ghost." for some reason, that makes the weight sitting at the bottom of her stomach sink even deeper. no mother wants to know or see their child upset, and knowing tamasa must be all over the place and her not being there to help him is crushing. "i know roman said the boy's been off lately, but this...."

she closes her eyes. he has no idea.

"we, umm—" she sniffles, wiping at her nose as she paces tamasa's room. "we got into....an argument."

a pause on the other end. "what kind of argument, solana?"

right then and there, she knows, knows that there's no use in lying to him. in trying to downplay what occurred. doesn't stop her from trying though. "it's nothing."

"solana, my nephew is sitting in my guest room just staring at the wall, and you're holding back tears." failing to hold back tears, solana unable to stop them from cascading down her face. "what happened?"

she doesn't want to. doesn't want to tell him. doesn't want to have to deal with any of this, but she also knows that delaying the inevitable has never helped anyone in life. especially her.

"please don't tell roman," she croaks.

"solana, i'm getting conc—"

"he pushed me."

a pause. long. longer. and then—

"what?"

and right away, despite her own mixed bag of emotions regarding what occurred, she slips right back into mama mode. "don't say anything to him. don't even tell him i told you."

"he pushed you?" disbelief forms a marriage with anger that seeps through his tone. "has he lost—"

"something's going on with him. i know it. i just....." she stops herself, blowing out a breath, hand over her chest, regulating her emotions.

"you have to tell rom—"

"i know, i will. i just..." another sniffle. "i had to make sure my baby was okay first." because what happened doesn't change the fact that her children's safety will always come first, hence why she's been on the phone with several family members trying to track down and see where her eldest son is. "and, dwayne, i mean it, don't say anything to him."

another loud sigh. "you know we don't play that shit in this family, solana."

she knows that very well. "and, so does he." even if she, for the life of her, can't understand just what made him do it. "let me....let me talk to roman first."

"you gon call him now?"

i don't want to. "yeah."

and finally, the question she was both waiting and dreading. "you're okay though, right? physically, i mean? he didn't hu—"

"no." there's something about him even asking that that upsets her. her son would never hurt her.

and yet...

"please just keep him there with you. for....for now." because solana still needs to sit down and talk with koa and kai, her younger boys who are somewhere in the house blowing off steam from what occurred.

"i will," he promises. "just let me know when you want me to bring him back home."

"thank you," she murmurs, voice dipping once more from the heaviness of it all. "and, dwayne?"

"yeah?"

a broken gasp. "tell him i love him."

because nothing, nothing at all in the entire universe could ever change that. period.

"i will, sol," he agrees, offering with all the sincerity, "let me know if you need anything."

she nods. "okay." disconnecting the call reminds solana of where she stands, still in her son's room, the tv still on revealing a paused game. the bed still unmade and unkempt, an empty water bottle on the floor beside his desk. she closes her eyes and places her hands over her heart, taking another deep, shaky breath.

that was difficult.

this will be devastating.

solana lifts up the phone, shaking fingers ready to navigate to roman's contact when something catches the corner of her eye. something on tama's dresser, another place and space of unorganized mess.

how she sees it, she hasn't a clue, but she does, and it makes her frown.

solana places her cell phone in her back pocket and walks over to the dresser, reaching for the manilla envelope with a strange bulge. shaped like something familiar. like a bottle.

and, that's exactly what she pulls out. a pill bottle. a large one, too.

but, it's when she pulls out said bottle, reads the label of said bottle that an already dire situation skyrockets from bad to horrific.

tears brew in her eyes, her hand over her mouth. "oh my God...." she can't stop reading it, not the description or the other writing, but the name. something most familiar to her given her profession. something she knows all about through various teachings and experience in her field. but, something she never would have thought to find in her fourteen year-old son's room.

trenbolone.

a name that might mean nothing to some but everything to her, because she recognizes it for what it is.

a anabolic-androgenic steroid

tama is using steroids.

------

ya'll gon have to wait for part 3 until tomorrow or something. it's late, and my head hurts. 😭

[lauranthalasah]

I'm loving the dichotomy Akram and Carl are creating for me as characters.

On one hand we have Carl, a very rude character with little regard for other people's feelings. In the other one we have Akram, a soft spoken man, quite polite, quite respectful. 

But, if I look beyond the first layer of their perceived personalities, Akram is one hundred percent more disturbing than Carl! Even if I know little to nothing about him.

Carl first! 

He is a closed and hard to open book with a lot of warnings to "no open, danger inside" in a purposely ugly cover. He is rude, he is emotionally stunted and that affects all his relationships, with people he knows and people he crosses paths with. BUT! He is loyal to a fault, his loyalty is why he stays in Edinburgh, his loyalty is why he visits Hardy every single day. He cares! Despite the years of seeing the worst of humanity and what happened to him, and the way he seems to be, he still cares. He cared for William to the point of taking him to a safe place with people that genuinely cared for him. He cares for how Jasper feels about him, enough to try to communicate with him in other ways that could  tighten their relationship. He cares so much for Hardy that he starts connecting again with a case to give his friend the chance of doing so as well and therefore getting out of his depression. He threatened the man who  threatened his son in order to try to protect a girl that is soon to have a second chance in life and who suffered because she tried to do the right thing. He cares for Akram and finds a way to give him the job and position he deserves. He gives Rose a chance. 

He might look arrogant, but I think it is more an expression of his frustration (and that he REALLY doesn't care about people's positions/titles/etc. only what they do with all of that). He lacks patience, and yet he is DAMN GOOD TEACHER! He is always teaching! Is not just that he gives the people around him his observation and that's it, no! Most of the time he guides the others so they can see for themselves what HE sees, creating on others the habits of observations he has. He lets people give him their own reasoning and THEN creates counterarguments if he feels they are needed. And he accepts other people's contributions if they are relevant. He is NOT A GENIUS, he is smart, he has great observational skills, and he knows his work, but nothing he sees is impossible for other people to see, and he teaches them to do so if it is not something that comes naturally to them. He works well with Akram and Hardy because both of them are very good at their jobs!

The other important thing for this thinking piece is his reaction to his dream, the one in which he kills someone because he is angry. It worries him! The lack of control, his anger, it worries him, is not something that he just has or is and that's it, no, he cares that he is losing control, he doesn't like it and it is one of the few times in which he shares his concern, he asks for help somehow. While he might be on a self destructive path he doesn't want (at least so far) to take anyone with him.

Now Akram!

He is a closed and hard to open book under a nice and boring cover that reads "Boring and proper, nothing interesting to see here, look at the other books in the shelf" (I know little of this character so I might be waaay off mark here). But there's something about him, guilt or shame or something dark coming out of every pore. His control over himself is outstanding, but that control doesn't mean that he won't hurt other people, it means that he will hurt them exactly as he deems necessary. The coldness when he tortured the driver, the efficiency shown in getting into private spaces, torturing, fighting and weaponry... even if he was one of the "good guys" back in Syria, I've the feeling that he wasn't necessarily a "good person", that he did quite reprehensible things, and he is still fully capable of doing them if he wants to. 

Akram, to me, feels like someone that WANTS to care but not necessarily does, he is TRYING. Carl seems to me like someone that DOESN'T WANT to care and does despite himself.

I have this idea that Akram sees those aspects of Carl quite fast, like Akram knows he is not a good person so he can see the "goodness" in Carl behind his rudeness and also the full stent of his struggle, (while the rest know Carl is hurting and guess the extent of it, it is Akram the one that witness the full loss of the mask). Carl on the other hand sees Akram competency and that he clearly is trying to do something meaningful with his life and work despite the secrecy around him, and respects and supports that.

The dichotomy they create is that while one of them is at first glance much more tractable and easy to relate to than the other, there's a considerable chance that the easygoing one is actually the darkest of the both of them. Like the worst thing Carl has done might be a children's game over what Akram might have done.

Once again, I could be way off mark here, I don't know much of these characters yet (planning on reading the books), so this is what they make me feel so far with what I know.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

So, basically he's already doing his way of martyrdom for the trolls by orphaner duties, he's very used to it, and there's nothing else that's manipulative to make him useful instead of dangerous for them. And the logics won't do because he operates on built in logic that trapped him. Emotional trickery will work, but he's generally unaffected by approval for his usefulness, so only therapy(TM) and being genuinely caring to him is the hard but direct way to ensure longterm cooperation?

tbh just be nice to him, be his friend, lmfao

by the time he's on the meteor

- gamzee has successfully cockblocked eridan and karkat's friendship so hard that karkat spends the whole time worrying about where gamzee went and got used to ignoring eridan to let him do his own thing, he didnt visit eridans planet even one time & thus proved with actions that he doesn't care about eridan

- kanaya is fully just making fun of him to his face, literally just his Actual Bully

- equius gatekept nepeta from associating with him too much + the fact that he asked her out scared her off, despite being her server player it's shown that she immediately joined up with equius and then the two barely ever talked to him or visited his planet

- feferi SAYS she's still eridan's friend (and he believes it because hes just that desperate) but doesn't defend him at all when sollux tells him he should've killed him. and we know sollux means it and it's not just flirting bc sollux literally says "not interested" to blackrom in that same convo

- rose also bullied him & outright approves of kanaya bullying him because neither of them are mature enough to just block and move on

- he acts genuinely nice to jade, gives her his gun out of genuine goodwill, and even lets her use him as a sounding board for her concerns about her grandson, and she calls his family heirloom a "legendary piece of shit" and yells at him bc he didnt say things in a polite enough way (contrast how nicely she talks to tavros despite tavros trying to leverage killing her grandpa into dating her)

- vriska treats him as an awkward ex she barely talks to, terezi wants nothing to do with him and agrees with him when he calls himself "fuckin pathetic", he was never close with the other lowbloods in the first place (aradia holds the highblood "snobs" in low regard and tavros probably lumps eridan in with vriska and doesn't hang out with him)

like. literally who was on his side. literally was there even a single person who bothered reaching out a friendship hand to him. were his emotions *wrong* when they told him nobody gave a shit about him anymore?

theres an old memo fairly early on in hivebent where eridan, fresh off a breakup with feferi, tries to go to past karkat for emotional support. the memo is closed by future karkat, post-murderstuck, who calls the memo "particularly nauseating" in hindsight. most obviously, he's referring to his part christening the tavros/vriska situationship, which ended with tavros and vriska both dead, but while he IS pretty devastated by ALL his friends' deaths, he never cared particularly about vriska or tavros (tavros literally messages karkat first after his spine gets broken and karkat goes "shut up go away dumbass"), so it'd be odd for this specific convo to be nauseating in hindsight just because of tavros and vriska - why not a convo with feferi and sollux, who also died? or equius and nepeta? he cares about them a roughly equal amount.

but he's always had a soft spot for specifically eridan, which we even see in this convo, as he offers - very gently - to work eridan through his emotional issues in private. in fact, it's implied that before sgrub started, they were CONSTANTLY messaging and "bro-ing out" like that, to the point feferi feels a need to comment on it.

but the thing is, we know he never follows through with this offer, because we also see eridan pestering present/future karkat for help - and it doesn't happen, because karkat is too upset about sollux's death, and because gamzee cockblocks him by making up an excuse for why he can't let eridan offer comfort to karkat. and then after that, he fully refused to hang out with eridan on lowaa bc eridan refuses to leave and lowaa is dangerous, despite telling eridan he'll make time to visit & eridan constantly asking him to do so

karkat also takes eridan's betrayal BY FAR the most personally; he already knew vriska was a murderous backstabbing freak & doesn't seem surprised to find out she killed tavros or was killed in turn; his reaction to gamzee snapping is mostly fear, but he also yells at past!gamzee to go away because present!gamzee's murder spree has "nothing to do with him", but when past!eridan comes on, karkat screams at him, calls him a backstabber, asks "how could you", etc.

hussie in the book commentary leaves the question of why this specific convo made karkat feel nauseous open for speculation, so here's my hat in the ring - it's because eridan was karkat's closest friend prior to sgrub, but he took it for granted, and this memo marks the first in a long string of failures on karkat's part to actually bother ACTING like a friend to him. eridan has a bar so low you could trip over it, and karkat still failed to meet it. this memo was the first of many broken promises to someone he genuinely cared about.

if he had visited lowaa even one time, and bothered having even one feelings jam sesh with his bro, maybe eridan wouldn't have reached the end of his tether.

like yeah eridan is fucking annoying, and he says some politically horrific things, but 1) he was literally a 13 year old child, 2) his actions clearly indicated he didn't believe most of his bs, and 3) multiple characters express after his death that it's a shame he died, a signal to the audience that he was intended to be, if not sympathetic, then at least tragic. was being annoying really so much of a sin that a child needed to be bullied and die friendless?

thats what eridan serves as a commentary on. the way casual callousness - apathy - can snowball into massive, terrible tragedies. people just didn't care about eridan, a dangerous element in their midst, who didn't make any secret about being dangerous, and this is the end result of that.

what would've happened if people cared sooner?

[xjulixred45x]

I need to see Yui interacting with the Vice Housewardens I BEG YOUUUUUU!!!

Also you're a star that should never stop shining🌟

first of all, thank you baby🥰😘 coming right up!

Yui Komori x Vice Housewardens

Trey Clover

First things first, Trey and Yui definitely act like they're already a married couple to all of Heartslabyul. Not only are they both super sweet with the new students and have almost infinite patience, but they're probably some of the few people on campus with three functioning brain cells. It's normal at this point to see them together constantly, not even talking or doing student things, but doing things like helping with laundry, cleaning the commons, and most importantly, BAKING TOGETHER.

Trey is genuinely grateful for Yui's arrival not only at school, but in his life, as it lightens a lot of the mental load of being everyone's go-to person. They both know what it feels like (to be emotionally fatigued) and support each other in that regard. This also applies in reverse; Trey gives subtle signs of support to Yui if she needs it, such as giving her her favorite candy, offering to do chores, or telling the first-years to let her rest (they're literally the class's mom and dad).

Trey is super understanding of Yui's trauma, especially when she's having a really bad episode. His favorite way to help her through these moments, besides cooking something delicious, is usually to talk to her during the process, whether it's about fun moments they had during the day to distract her, let Yui vent, etc. He's not really a fan of violence, but he makes Yui feel at home.

Ruggie Bucchi

Look, I know Ruggie isn't a vice-housewarden, but the poor guy does most of the work of one AND MORE, so I'll include him. Because aside from his dynamic with Yui being so funny because of how confusing it would be, no one knows how someone like Ruggie could have dated someone like YUI. It's like a Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit dynamic, in a way.

I can definitely see Ruggie being either the reason Yui got scammed a couple of times or the one who prevented Yui from getting scammed a million times in TWST, there's no in-between. Part of him wants to laugh, but another part thinks it's pathetic and so naive of Yui to be so trusting that he has to make sure she doesn't fall into the wrong hands. This creates this strange "only I can take advantage of her kindness" dynamic, but eventually it turns into something quite genuine.

Ironically, I think it's more likely that Yui gets a little annoyed that Leona is constantly bossing Ruggie around and wants to go and have a quiet talk with him. Ruggie doesn't know whether to be worried about himself, Leona, or Yui; let's just say his neurons go off when Yui pets him.

Jade Leech

Phew, it's complicated with Jade. It was probably difficult for Yui to even be around him at first because of the sharp teeth and PTSD (adding Jade's disturbing aura didn't help much). It would take them a STUPID amount of time to have a normal conversation without Yui shaking like jelly (Jade can't decide whether to find this adorable, worrisome, or charming, or all of these at the same time).

When they do eventually manage to have normal interactions, though, Yui is much more relaxed around Jade (and the whole OctaTrio in general). I like to imagine Yui asking Jade quite a few questions about possible recipes (the first-years shudder at the thought), even going mushroom picking together! (Because the last time Yui picked one alone, it ended up being the inedible kind, she learned her lesson.)

Jade is the silently protective type, the kind where Yui doesn't really notice when she's in danger in the first place—she could be walking right next to him (probably chatting about Grim's latest faux pas that week), and as soon as Jade senses any kind of presence with ill intentions toward Yui, she just has to give THAT smile we all know. Without fail, every time.

Jamil Viper

OH MY GOD, JAMIL, part of him thought Yui was going to be a female version of Kalim because of how people talked about her, but thankfully he was wrong. Yui used to help out at her father's church, so ironically, she feels more comfortable helping Jamil prepare food than actually attending the parties. Overall, Yui ends up showing a level of interest in Jamil's physical and mental well-being that Jamil himself isn't used to, which leaves him on guard, but interested at the same time.

Considering Yui has anemia due to the events of DL, I think a pretty common date between these two is finding recipes to make together. Yui is good at baking, not so much cooking. Jamil is good at cooking, not so much baking (I get the vibe that Jamil is the kind of partner who will nag you like a mother hen, or apologize with food instead of words).

Jamil has almost died once in his life, and while it didn't really affect him in his current life, he's definitely surprised by Yui's mental resilience, having survived SO MUCH in such a short amount of time AND STILL being so...kind. Not holding any resentments and being able to live happily. It would be admirable if it weren't for the fact that now he knows that Yui didn't deserve what happened at all.

Rook Hunt

Rook, our favorite Stalker, similarly to Vil, takes an almost immediate interest in Yui thanks to her striking and delicate appearance, but Rook's interest is much more innocent and in the realm of romance. Yui is arguably the only person in NRC who doesn't find Rook weird (after the freaks she's seen, Rook seems like an angel). Besides, he acts like a genuine gentleman to her, opening doors, giving her shelter when it's cold, and lending her his hat when it's too hot. Yui thinks Rook is a sweetheart!

They would definitely make a super sweet couple, although Yui definitely wasn't used to receiving so much affection in such a crude, genuine way, given how much Rook flatters Yui, both for her physical beauty and for her personality and kindness, giving her cute nicknames in French, etc. Yui's no slouch, don't get me wrong. I feel like Yui likes to talk about Rook like he's her "knight in shining armor" (let's just say Rook did end up passing on some of his liking on poetry onto her).

Let's be honest, Rook probably knows all about Yui's past without her even telling him, but that doesn't mean he's any less effective at 1- comforting Yui and assuring her that everything will be okay, and 2- protecting her from potential future threats! Rook definitely doesn't know what kind of animals hurt his dear lady so badly, but he'll happily bring them back as trophies if it makes her feel safer and happier.

(LILIA IS PLATONIC DUE TO THE AGE DIFFERENCE. SORRY GUYS)

Lilia Vanrouge

Awww, Lilia thinks Yui is the cutest girl ever! Too bad the first few times they interacted, Yui was too scared of him to make any kind of real connection (let's just say Lilia reminded her of certain people). Similarly to the Diasomnia students, Lilia randomly appears near Yui and occasionally scares her, but he's pleasantly surprised when Yui, instead of being scared, starts greeting him and starting a conversation!

Yui learned the hard way to never let Lilia near the kitchen, ever, but at least she had a good time cooking (or trying to) with Lilia, whether it was sharing anecdotes about Yui's time with her father, her world, some minor experiences in TWST, etc. Let's just say that Lilia reminds Yui of a "younger" and livelier version of her father.

Because of this, it's not surprising that Lilia starts treating Yui like the rest of the Diasomnia quartet, encouraging her to join clubs with him and Silver, and taking her to her room when she stays up talking to Malleus—it's really no bother! She's family now, after all.

[coffeegnomee]

Gnome... Do you have any devotions thoughts in these trying times? I would love to know your opinions about the stream™, especially in regards to Mapicc. Cause his reaction to the bacon hearts thing seems so extreme, it's such a small thing compared to everything else

I keep thinking about your post about how incompatible and in sync they are at the same time, and Zam's stream is such a good example of that

(no pressure to respond ofc, but if you have any thoughts about what's going on I would be glad to hear them)

heheheheheehheeheh

ok idk where I really want to go with this. There are so many thoughts and I just finished the stream.

I feel like I finally understand exactly what happened during the dupe war. Mapicc placing that first crit in Zam's face felt exactly the same as Mapicc coming down with his sword on Spoke over. and over. and over again. Until Spoke ran out of totems. If Zam didn't run, we'd have that clip again.

pound. pound. pound. Until he is dead. No words. Past emotion.

And isn't the reasoning exactly the same?

Loyal, loyal Mapicc. You hate when someone goes behind the team to work with the enemy.

But it's more than just helping the enemy.

MAPICC: "because bro. Why is it a big fucking problem when I put wardens at spawn, you have to *ugh* throw me away, side with derapchu, make a whole new country, but then, when fucking bacon does it, here’s 6 hearts buddy, stay alive”

It's always. Always. Been about Derap. How Zam left him for Derap. No. Replaced him with Derap.

But did you notice? The tiny reordering of events. Mapicc says he put wardens at spawn AND THEN Zam threw him away to side with Derap.

But do you remember? Zam said "I'm teammates with Derap" and Mapicc's heart dropped. He went silent, started mulling, started clicking his ax at the air. Started wanting to kill Bacon. Starting wanting to do something.. crazy.

Only then did he bring wardens to spawn.

Everything has hinged upon that one moment. The panic of loosing Zam. The realization that he was already gone. The belief that it was too late.

And Mawn started days later.

And a few days before (the day mapicc talked to Spoke 1:28:00), Hannah was asking Mapicc why he hated Derap so much, and Mapicc said cause Zam replaced him with Derap. She laughed and said, why aren't you mad at Zam then?

MAPICC: “i went to do one fucking project and bro replaced me with derapchu. And kicked me off his little groupy team thing.” HANNAH: “oh so you’re jealous! Okay” MAPICC: “no he deadass replaced me. It’s not even a jealousy thing. He deadass replaced the team with me with derapchu”  HANNAH: "doesn't that reflect more on zam? Did zam do that?” MAPICC: “I hate both of them. Wait shit youre right. Fuck. You are right”  MAPICC: ”no you're right about that! That makes Zam the dickhead. Why am I mad at derapchu?” MAPICC: ”what the hell”  HANNAH: "I'm mad at derapchu because he would always kill bacon and I'm mad at him cause he has a bunch of wemmbu hearts that he doesn't deserve” MAPICC: "that’s also why I hate him. That’s part of the reason. That’s what it is. It's like zam replaced, me, with a shittier version of me. A 20 heart player that didn't actually get all the kills.”

It's not really about the 6 (5) hearts. The thing about the hearts is that they were the straw that broke the camel's back.

And that's the thing about the straw. You don't realize it's the one until it's too late. And it's just a little straw. Such a tiny thing.

But the hearts symbolized something: Support. The one thing Mapicc has not had from Zam all season. How many confrontations have they had about Zam either stopping Mapicc from killing, or warning his prey he's coming, or Zam not wanting to fight someone.

And that's not even to begin to talk about Zam's point of view. How and why he did everything he did. How every interaction has lead them down the slow march that landed him here.

It's too long to write, and you know the tale. Every little step that has brought Zam to the realization that what is best for the server is content, and if he can keep the content going then he will do whatever is necessary.

To understand that, during Mawn, Zam would have had to be in a completely different frame of mind. It was too soon to teaming with Derap and Flame was too *weird* that day for him to ever be able to be on Mapicc's side.

And Derap provided him with an easy out.

A way away from his feelings. A way away from the confusion of spawn, the pain and emotions, the heartbreak of Mapicc.

And Zam gladly took it. A way to be with his teammate who seemed to care about him so much more than Mapicc suddenly did, and a way to not fight Mapicc. To excuse himself from the content because the one person he cannot fight is Mapicc.

If Mapicc was the one taking up Subz legacy.. all alone. Zam would have thrown himself at Mapicc. Without ever trying to fight him I think.

But as it was Mapicc always needs a duo, someone by his side. And in his anger he picked Flame, picked him knowing that all he wanted to do was torment Zam.

Mapicc was both not alone, and with someone Zam could not ideologically reconcile with.

And Zam was both not alone, and with someone Mapicc could not ideologically reconcile with.

And so Mawn was not the same situation at all with Bacon. Bacon didn't just not own spawn, he was alone.

And he wasn't going directly against Zam, putting wardens at Zaun. He wasn't being oddly obsessed with Zam's reaction and trying to force him to stay and build at Mawn.

And Bacon recently had told Zam, for the first time Zam had ever heard it, that he didn't think they were in the wrong for doing Abyss. That Bacon counts Abyss as one of his biggest successes. For the first time ever Zam had the support of a server member for one of the actions he held as both a massive failure, and bad for the server.

And a couple weeks later he's having a very interesting lore convo with Bacon. He almost sounds like how Zam sounded during the Joker arc, confident, happy, excited, talking like what he was doing was exciting for Zam too, and Zam found himself agreeing.

ZAM:” [mutes] he’s talking like me. It's so fascinating”

And well. Bacon was doing something Subz did. And trying to understand, what was the phrase *rifles papers* "my dead teammate's legacy" oh. ok. so, not "previous teammate". "dead" teammate. Like they were simply just recently alive and still a teammate. Got it.

Subz being the object of fascination of Bacon's is so much of why Zam helped him out. He wanted to know why Subz left too. Did his heart skip a beat wondering if Bacon could solve the riddle to if Subz forgave him for Eclipse? If Bacon found out the reason, could Zam bring Subz back? Maybe just for a convo?

All questions never asked. But then. "Im just saying bacon’s not the only person to carry out my dead teammate’s legacy alright?"

Oh me oh my. How the past haunts PrinceZam forever. How everything is always about ItzSubz_ (and Vitalasy)

Not that he could ever tell Mapicc that. That was the last time Mapicc competed for Zam's affection and he hated Subz for it. With the same passion he hates Derap, except Subz could kill him.

Always jealous after PrinceZam, our Mapicc.

[ghostieblr]

Another AU that lives in my head rent free about Sterek is a time travel au.

In the canon timeline (i'm not counting that movie), which picks up at the S6 finale, things unravel fast. Monroe wages war against the supernatural, and Beacon Hills is ground zero. Except, surprisingly, 80% people support the supernaturals.

So Monroe spreads the war. She learns of the 13 Nemetons from Gerard, and sets out to destroy them all. Stiles and Derek are the first to put together what she's doing based on her traveling pattern; Derek tells Stiles about the legends, and Stiles deduces what she's about to do.

They cannot save all. Beacon Hills' "dead" Nemeton is the only one saved; Beacon Hills has also become a refuge for those now hunted without mercy. At one point, the war turned into a purge. There's no limitation to killing, no law strong enough to hold anyone accountable. There is only bloodshed.

It is the apocalypse brought by Monroe's hatred and people's prejudice, and world ends not because of the monsters, but because of the humans.

Stiles and Derek have grown close over the years. Their feelings are complicated, but they're shared under the moonlight beneath the Nemeton that has slowly but steadily grown over the years; Stiles is 30 now, and Derek is about to turn 36 next week (he's forever a Christmas baby to me idc). The war as it was has been over for a couple years, and Stiles has become the leader/mayor of the town. He knows how to protect and provide, and Derek is always by his side, an Alpha of his own right, the alpha spark ignited in him by the hand of fates and his own will power. Stiles' Spark dances, the silver of thunder against the glinting, ruby jewel of Derek's own.

They've become soldiers. They're surviving together. They're the only ones left from their original pack. Even Peter is dead, and for final this time.

Scott had left in the middle of war because in his dreams he'd seen Allison, alive and beckoning him, and nobody has heard from him since. He had no regard for the war, or the people who had wanted to take guidance from the "true alpha." Even his mother's pleas had fallen on deaf ears, the allure of his first love blinding him to everything and everyone.

Point is, the world has gone to shit. It would be better to restart.

Stiles confesses to Derek, "I wish we could turn back time."

Derek huffs out a laugh, one that speaks not of how absurd the wish is, but how much he needs it. "Only if we could."

Behind them, the Nemeton hums. They both feel it. They're both on the same page, and Stiles does what he does best: impulsively invades the Nemeton's insides. He has no clue how he does it, but he does it, and inside he finds that same white room, except now there's a humanoid shape floating in it.

When he comes out of that place, Derek asks him what they have to do.

Stiles tells him, and that's how they go back: Nemeton's power, fuelled by its rage and grief at having lost the other 12, and channeled through the strongest sparks existing, A True Alpha and The Spark; they conduct a ritual, their blood soaked in the roots, and then they wake up.

Stiles was 30. He is now... 9.

Derek was almost 36. He is now almost, a week shy, of 14.

It's December of 2003. (Stiles' birthday is April 08, 1994; Derek's is December 25, 1989). This is nearly a year before Claudia dies (which is Nov of 2004) and before the romance with Paige (it happens in the summer of 2004) and before the Hale fire (January 25th, 2005, exactly a month after Derek turns 16).

And guess what? They get to change everything.

They have their memories, and their powers. The Nemetons are alive — they help these two hide their powers. They help these two whenever needed.

Claudia's condition (which i can never spell right so i'm not even attempting it) cannot be healed by the bite, but Stiles' belief, his Spark, wills it so that she doesn't get worse. So, when the Stiles and Derek find a way to make them part of the Hale Pack, Claudia becomes Talia's beta.

Derek kindles a friendship with Paige. Stiles tells Derek he can try again with her — these time they'll never let anything happen to her.

"You want me to be with her."

"Yes. If you want it. She was your first love," Stiles says, all soft and honest. "And I'm... I know you love me. But I can't ask you to wait for me."

The tension in Derek eases. "Idiot," he chastises, Stiles' small hands in his, "I might be going through puberty but I'm not a teenage asshole who thinks with the wrong head. What we have isn't about sex either. If you worry that I'll resent you for me not being able to have sex till I'm 23, then you're an idiot."

"You already said that. And you've counted how long you'll have to wait."

"I am going through puberty, Stiles."

In short. Yes, their first time will be with each other — in this new timeline. (if i didn't explain it properly: they are rewriting everything. their past timeline technically will never exist, not even as a branched timeline).

So, yeah. Paige never dies, Claudia never dies, Kate is found dead 5 states over and it looks like a suicide; Gerard is killed before he can blind Duke, so Jennifer/Julia/The Darach and The Alpha Pack are no threats; Deaton is detained by the mysterious "Red" for violating the code of Druids and executed soon after; it takes some time, but Stiles & Derek manage to locate the dread doctors and they kill them, too.

All of the threats from canon are killed by the time Stiles is 16 again and Derek is almost 22.

Except, a faction of hunters are finally able to pin point that those who killed Gerard are from Beacon Hills. They're prejudiced because of Gerard's teachings, so they target the Hale Pack.

And it is because of this attack — during which Stiles gets heavily injured while protecting his mom — that Derek roars loud and ferocious, eyes red, as Talia's own alpha eyes stare back in shock, just like the rest of the pack. Stiles' wound is deep, and Derek orders one of the others to take him to the Nemeton.

It doesn't take long for Derek to almost kill every hunter, except he's hurt now, too, and even the Nemeton can't heal this new blend of wolsbane's wound.

Stiles is healed by magic, by the Nemeton, and he feels the bond with Derek weaken by the second. At once he finds himself back at the clearing of the fight, teleported, and lashes out at the remaining hunters with a fury that raises the hair on everyone.

Then he screams and begs at Derek to not fucking die and as everyone watches, manages to save the idiot with sheer belief.

Because that's who Stiles is.

And then well... I just imagine that the two of them have to provide context to their pack, which they do, and then there's gasps of awe and sorrow; of not being there and of not realizing that they were ghosts to these kids; that Laura had (and of course Peter too) suspected something was off with Derek and Stiles but not this.

(also i love to include snippets of John being equally horrified at finding the truth out and of realizing that his baby boy is essentially tied up for eternity with Derek Hale, whomst he apparently also arrested for the murder of his favorite deputy???)

[domiiomii]

It is interesting to me how we don't actually see much of Viktor's life in Zaun besides his interaction with Singed but it is clearly something he carries deeply with him. One could think maybe Viktor hated Zaun, he seemed to isolate from other kids, or think he felt resentment that because of his birthplace he became ill, however none of that seems to be true because from the start he was always pushing to make the hextech available to the people of the undercity and when he gets his own power his first instinct is exactly that, to go back home and help those who have been ignored, who need it the most, who are just like him.

Perhaps it is not so much about growing up in Zaun but rather that Piltover made sure that he knew he didn't belong there. He knows he is an outsider, in every way, he says it when he meets Jayce and describes himself as a "A poor cripple from the undercity", which is very peculiar because we don't see anybody else in the series, despite the multiple characters from Zaun who are disabled, speak like that or seem to have those thoughts because disability is such a commonality there.

Viktor's "insecurities" if you want to call them that don't come out of thin air but out of the way he was clearly treated in piltover, him not wanting to speak publicly during Progress Day is sad sure, but it is not just because he saw his existence as "less than", but because he clearly was reminded of it constantly. It is not that he lacked the confidence, he clearly believes in himself, he knows his abilities, but he also KNOWS he won't be taken seriously, either because he is from the undercity or because he is disabled.

This very point is made clear through the scene with Mel when she argues for making hextech weapons, it is such a harsh reality check of Viktor's place in piltover. Viktor's voice doesn't matter at all to those in power, no matter how brilliant he is, no matter how much he has changed their lives. Mel doesn't even look at Viktor, she doesn't talk to him directly, Viktor is talked over by Mel and Jayce who are again literally standing over him while he sits down, the whole scene has the two of them having a conversation with Viktor in the room but ignoring him. Mel doesn't even try to argue her point with Viktor because to her Viktor's thoughts and opinions don't matter at all. In the end she tells Jayce and Jayce only "The decision is yours".

Another particular point is how she tells Jayce only "The peace is already broken Jayce, I'm only asking you to prepare to defend your people." YOUR PEOPLE meaning piltover and again all this being said right in front of Viktor an outsider, a man from the undercity, discussing how they will use the technology he helped developed against HIS OWN PEOPLE, people just like him. Very important detail here is that right after this interaction Viktor goes to the undercity and asks Singed for help after he realizes piltover will never help him, he goes back for help the only place he can get it because despite how much Piltover has benefited from Viktor's mind, he is never welcomed and his thoughts on what his work should be used for are not heard at all, everything of value is taken from him then he is left to die.

It is very funny how Piltover is regarded as this "beacon of progress" when you see how they treat their own population of the undercity where they don't even see them as equal citizens. This very point reflects in how Jayce is able to climb the social ladder while Viktor is always relegated and eventually even his name is scrapped from the technology he helped develop, he is a stranger in his own "city".

Talking about Jayce is also worth mentioning that, aside from Sky (also from the undercity), Jayce is the only person in piltover we see who cares about Viktor and the point is not lost on me that he comes from a lower much smaller house (not that his relationship with Jayce is perfect don't get me started on the "You were never broken Viktor" thing, that is a post of it's own). The relation of Viktor to the other elites of piltover we see is just bleak, Mel as established completely disregards him and even when he is at death's door I don't think she cared about him, she cared that Jayce cared about Viktor.

And then the worst of all, Heimerdinger who by all means should have been Vitkor's first ally as his professor is actually so quick to dispose of him and without a second thought and tell Viktor to destroy the technology that could very well be the only possibility to save him. The difference in how Himmerdinger acts with Ekko and Viktor is night and day, he denies Viktor any help to figure out how to save him while he "sacrifices" himself for Ekko's time machine. Now, how is a time machine not as dangerous as magic? I don't understand but this makes sense in the context that Viktor's life as a disabled person from the undercity seems to be established to be of less value.

For better or for worse piltover made sure that Viktor never forgot where he came from so him returning and helping the people who would never get help otherwise, people just like him, was the only path he could really follow.

On a personal note I find it so sad that the very clear class divide line in the plot was flatten in favor of “This is not about ideologies or territory, this is about saving humanity” when the very reason Viktor even became what he became and took the choices he did to what he thought was the best to save as many of the people like him as possible IS because of that class divide and it is because of the way piltover treated the undercity because of the pollution that made him sick and because of the the way piltover ignored the situation of the people they harmed.

[a-d-nox]

Hi,

I’m a new follower and I love your body of work ♥️

I would love to know more about.

Sappho (asteroid 80) & Aphrodite (1388) in relation to my chart.

Sappho is Retrograde at 2 degrees of Leo 10th house.

Out of sign conjunction with Aphrodite in Cancer at 29 degrees 9th house.

Trine Pluto at 0 degrees of Sagittarius 2nd house.

I’m currently thinking about taking my poetry seriously, I’d love to know more about retrograde Sappho and how the asteroids and planets are working together in my chart and what it could indicate.

Thank you!!

sappho (asteroid 80), what's her sign/degree, where she sits in a chart, and her aspects

after receiving quite a few asks and comments (reminder: @r3dmusk ) about sappho aspects and placements i decided to continue the series!

notice: this is a post about sexuality and is mature in content.

all of this is in my opinion. some of it you may be like how tf did she come up with this. my answer: intuition and experience with other people's charts that i have available to me. warning i can be harsh: please don't take everything i say as predestined, astrology is possible outcomes not guaranteed ones. plus let's not forget orbs matter, dominance matters, etc. it's never just sappho. this is just a starting place for when examining a single asteroid in an entire galaxy. take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

*all of these observations are based on a natal chart - solar return and persona charts will change all these observations because the context is different*

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

!!! RETROGRADE MAKES ALL OF THESE THINGS LISTED BELOW SUPER STRESSFUL OR SLOW TO APPEAR IN YOUR LIFE !!!

signs/degrees

aries (1°, 13º, 25º): i feel like this person is the type to make a grand gesture in a relationship by writing poems for their person or even drawing/painting their person. they aren't particularly gifted but the gesture makes it obvious they are in love - or at least in lust with a person. their sexuality tends to air on the adventurous side - they will try anything once. they are definitely the initiator in a romance though. they aren't the type to wait for someone - they are the people who wanted to go first when presenting in school. and they are still a force to be reckoned with. that being said - they are ultra feminists; they don't mess around. no one messes with them and what they believe to be just.

taurus (2°, 14°, 26º): these people tend to be like the poetess herself - an artist at heart. they often dabble in some form of art as means to better express their emotions. sappho started writing poetry as a means to expression her devotion to others (such as aphrodite, eros, and those she admired). sometimes people can find their love suffocating. these people see the beauty in things that others may find to be average - they have a very appreciative eye when it comes to the beauty of all things. they tend to be rather open about their sexuality (they are feminist, LGBTQIA+ advocates, etc.). what they may want to be careful about concerning love is that they may love on a higher frequency then those around them - protect your heart and never lower your frequency if you end up hurt; the world needs more of you not less.

gemini (3°, 15°, 27º): these people tend to be appreciators. they notice beauty that goes otherwise overlooked. they see they beauty in the unpopular and somewhat messy art. they love chaos. art and poetry is meant to have a flow and these people enjoy when there is anything but that involved. they like books that don't end in a "happily ever after". they love communication that is messy - repartee and gossip are one of their favorite things because it shows just how much people care. why fight if their is nothing worth fighting for? why gossip if you aren't curious or jealous in some regard? it's that duality that they enjoy so much. without hatred there would be no real comparison to love. often they can convey sentiments like these with ease, however, their sentiments tend to be too bold in the form of communication both written and verbal.

cancer (4°, 16°, 28º): women love women - why is this such cottage core lesbian vibes - frankly, it's the earth signs too that give this vibe. but what is more sappho of lesbos than a cancerian influence? these people see the beauty in women and the beauty in nature - it's empress major arcana vibes to me. they exude ultra feminine energy - which needs to be explored for them sensually. they are very much receivers - if they attempt to chase someone, they like they will find themselves gravely hurt.

leo (5°, 17º, 29°): they are vibrant people who express themselves in very colorful and creative ways. they have an artistic eye and tend to be more so painters than anything else. sexually and romantically, these people are willing to try anything once. politically, they tend to be strong advocates for the rights of LGBTQIA+ individuals - they 100% are willing to be at every march they hear about so their voice is and their community is heard. love is love. every body for everybody. for these people there is no such thing as being too bold where love is concerned.

virgo (6°, 18°): these aren't the artist and poets of the world, these are the critics and editors. on the plus side, they know quality when they see it - they know how to appreciate true beauty and art. these people also tend to be self explorative in the sensual/sexual sense. they don't tend to explore sexuality with others until they understand their own bodies. these people aren't bold in the slightest when in love - they edit their thoughts and feelings and tend to overthink the situation. they can benefit from being a bit more carefree.

libra (7°, 19°): these are artistic people who love the aesthetic and they absolute love to curate the world around them. they are affectionate and friendly people - some may even say flirty. they explore sexuality with others even without sex being involved - they could do so via color evaluation, boudoir photoshoot, yoni retreat, etc. speaking of a yoni retreat - learning about their yoni and how to appreciate theirs is critical for learning about their sexuality and sensuality. they don't have much to be concerned about when it comes to being too bold in love - flowers and diamond rings are never too big or too bold with them.

scorpio (8°, 20°): this is another placement that needs some yoni exploration. they need to explore themselves sexually and sensually to recognize what they like and what they do not like. they are passionate people who need to learn their life direction before they can commit to another person - when they find the person they love, they will be their sole focus. which could be scary for those that they love because they can be obsessive and extreme when it comes to the connection. sex is of great importance to them and can be at the forefront of their relationships.

sagittarius (9°, 21°): these people have an abundance of talent. these are the people who write unforgettable prose that live rent free in the minds of many people. often writing is how they express themselves; they connect well with the written word. these are the people who will quote poetry and other romantic lines to those they care about. they have a lot of feelings when it comes to connecting with others, so it is of great importance that they work out their emotions before letting another person know how they feel lest they wish to scare their person away.

capricorn (10°, 22º): i feel like this is a person who has cut off their creative side in order to do something more practical. they need to figure out how to tap into their creative spirit. their ideas are worth while and it is okay to do something without thinking too deeply. it is important that they explore their limitations in a connection. not everything will make sense but that is okay. there is no order or correct answer when it comes to love - love isn't supposed to make sense 100% of the time. stop seeking commonsense when it comes to love.

aquarius (11°, 23º): i don't see these people as overtly artist but they do tend to know exactly what to say in most moments - they can rally nearly any crowd with their empowering speech. their hopes and dreams tend to reflect those of the people around them, they simply know how to say it best. if they are not be part of the LGBTQIA+ community - they are 100% likely to show up to advocate for others - they believe in equality for all and that no one should have to repress their true self like sappho likely did during her time and how she was repressed and likely straight-washed in myth. these people do have the danger of having a lot of hope where romance is concerned. they may believe that if they are outright and boldly express their emotions, they will be reciprocated or that their partner(s) will change to be the model person they want most. these people may have to come to the understanding that not every time they are vulnerable means that they are owed that vulnerability in return or that not everyone will change in the way they wish them to.

pisces (12°, 24º): these are poets and writers. these people don't mess around when it comes to love. they realize that love is an abstract concept that doesn't always make sense and they are comfortable with the idea of blind love. they aren't afraid to get their heart broken in that regard - "it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all" for them. these people are very feminine and know how to love with their whole being. it is important that they figure out how to spot red-flags though because while love is blind... it could just be selective color blindness. if people tell you that you are missing something that is important about your connections, listen to them. outsiders can sometimes see through the fog that you find yourself in romantically.

houses

1h: you are seen as imaginative and dreamy. others may believe that you might have your head in the clouds. you are likely someone who only comes back to earth when your desires have manifested. often sexuality radiates off of this person - though there tends to be some uncertainty in their sensuality. they take a lot of action on behalf of the feminist agenda - they are advocates. for these people their lust can be confused with their love. and cause issues in connections.

2h: i feel like these people waver sexually; sometimes they are super sexual and even hyper sexual and other times they are celibate or asexual. they either have a lot of sexual encounters or little to none. they do however have an abundance of talent when it comes to the world of creation and beauty. they also have a lot of love to give others. their ebb and flow in the romantically energetic world is likely to confuse others and might turn people off. it is important that they learn to articulate that they can't chase others 100% of the time instead they need someone to pursue them too. it is a give and take in the world of love - no one should be 100% on the take end nor should they be 100% on the give end.

3h: these people are poets - they love love and aren't afraid to express it. often their writing (hobby or otherwise) can present itself as short fragments that can pack a solid punch and light up the world for those around them. they inspire others to be more expressive and to share their feelings with others. unfortunately, for them there is a high chance that they will keep their feeling on the page rather than directly telling those they love. they likely struggle when it comes to communicating their sensuality aloud when there isn't a written reference. they have to learn how to be more adaptable where their emotions are involved - especially where they wish to include another person in them. nothing is more confusing than being approached by someone who just walks away without saying they meant to.

4h: your family can be rather political - you might come to join their school of thought (willingly or unwillingly) or you might strongly oppose them. for these people it is impossible to be truly themselves around their family (it is rare if they do and that might have everything to do with their aspects). sappho was forced into a connection. either you will find yourself fighting against the same arrangement or submitting to such concepts. often these people are politically strong willed; they wish to make their voice and the voices of their community strong whether that is the feminist community and/or the LGBTQIA+ community. sometimes these people find themselves picking their beliefs over their family.

5h: these people are artists and creative masterminds. they have a high aptitude when it comes to making things (canvas, tapestry, oil, sculptures, etc). very few mediums are likely out of their scope. they are likely to experiment when it comes to sexuality and sensuality. they find it amusing to surprise people in that regard. the more surprising they are the more turned on they are likely to be. they are likely to express their love in bold and creative ways that excite the people around them.

6h: these people may have a few jobs in which they are exposed to sexuality or art forms in some way - they could work in a diverse atmosphere or they may write for their living. these people may not wish to be married at any point in life and express it quite often as a limitation of the self (very much a "it's just a piece of paper" vibe) - love is something bigger than such an institution to them. their unwavering love may present itself in a workplace - forbidden love motif for sure. alternatively, they may have some sort of sexual health issue arise for themselves or their partner. it may be something unknown between them and it may do the relationship some harm (betrayal or fear is a strong possibility) - but if they both are willing to face it together all is likely to be just fine.

7h: often this placement makes for very artist people who use their partner as their muse. love for them is very open and very flexible - they might be pan or interested in an open relationship. they are very expressive when it comes to who and what they want in life. they don't mind competing for attention or proving that they are the better choice for a partner. they are bold people with the ability to both surprise and fluster their partner(s).

8h: they are very likely to produce a famous work of poetry and/or series of art that gains a lot of interest. they leave a fine legacy behind for generations of people to draw inspiration from. they are passionate individuals that use their intimacy with others to best express themselves. there is much for these people to explore when it comes to their sensuality. these people can be very intimidating in a romance. they have such a beautiful way with words/expression. their passion is unbeatable. and they frequently make people unsettled by the intimacy they share with others. their depth can scare people away is the short and sweet of things.

9h: these people love to explore the realm of art and writing - they are liberal arts people for sure. often these people are writers. they have a great love for poetry from all eras and style types. other then the artistic realm these people are very sexually and sensually explorative. they will try anything once.

10h: this person could be a professional artist or poet - they might even teach in these fields. they are esteemed professionals who often produce someone very popular in the realm of media. they could also be very open about their sexuality - they often advocate for women's rights and LGBTQIA+ rights. they are vastly known for having a lot of love for people; unfortunately, their love/feelings for others is often used against them.

11h: these people are aspirating artists and poets - depending on the aspects and sign/degree, some grow into rather gifted artists and poets. they are often sexually ambitious people who are willing to try anything once. they may even wish you find someone who is sexually open like them. they are, however, prone to bottling up their true sexual desires as they don't wish to be seen as too bold.

12h: these people love poetry and art as it tends to be intriguing to them and thusly causes them to seek a concentration in these areas... they are prone to obsession - these are truly starving artists. they are also obsessed with romance and love though often they worry about potential scandal about sharing their true self and desires - they tend to repress both. frequently, their unwavering loyalty to those they love is their downfall and causes them much woe.

aspects from sappho to

sun: positive aspects: often art or poetry is tied to who you are. you might be very skilled and recognizable for your creativity. you could receive a lot of attention in this regard. alternatively you might be someone who receives a lot of attention for their sexuality and sensuality. it might feel like your in the spotlight for your work or whoever you are dating most days. these people tend to be very involved with pride and other festivities that allow for the freedom to express the self and sexuality. negative aspects: you might feel as though your art receives very little attention despite it being cutting edge and different from what others praise in the mainstream. you might have a moment in the spotlight for your work but the vitality is likely short lived. this is the energy of a "one hit wonder". these people also have to be wary of pride surrounding their work - no one is without criticism and no work is prefect and without potential improvements. these people could be nervous about putting their sexuality and sensuality on display and are likely to seek validation in less public spaces. it might even excite them for no one to know what happens behind closed doors. they could also face public rejection when expressing their feelings which makes them wary to share them going forward.

moon: positive aspects: these are the true poets of the group. they use their poetry to express their emotions in a very lyrical manner. it could be a very comfortable way for them to express their sensuality and femininity. even if this person is masculine presenting, they tend to more aligned with their divine femininity when connected to the lyrical world of poetry. these people don't struggle to show their true feelings in the slightest - they care so much that it can make some people rather uncomfortable. its not so much insta-love as it is being really in touch with their true wants and desires. the feminine presenting individuals are more likely to be comfortably bisexual or lesbian and extremely comfortable with their feminine assets (breasts). negative aspects: these people come from a feminine line of artists and/or poets. often they struggle with the precedent that is set by those family members - they to want to create pieces that make others feel things but often if just leaves them feeling inadequate in comparison. these people often struggle to feel comfortable on multiple fronts. they often don't feel all that comfortable in the feminine sense - they likely were not briefed as they should have been on the changes that were happening to them in adolescence. they likely felt shocked and uncomfortable when they began menstruating or their breasts began developing - they likely hide those facets with a level of shame. these milestones marked for them the end of girlhood and just being them - now they have expectations of womanhood that make them feel like they were losing a semblance of themselves. that being said sensuality and sexuality likely made them rather uncomfortable - they likely repress/repressed a lot of these feelings. its just not within their comfort zone.

mercury: positive aspects: everything they say is beautiful. everything they think is beautiful. how they see the world is beautiful. so please don't forget to share it with others. naturally you are an introvert - you keep things quiet. journaling is likely something you really enjoy doing. your social media tends to be more artsy and less focused on you but more focused on things you enjoy doing. you have graceful mannerisms that are impossible to miss. everything is so lovingly curated and organized in your life. negative aspects: you aren't the most eloquent people - often the words "like", "um", "you know what i mean?", and profanity are part of your every conversation. often things sound better in your head than they do when you speak up. it is quite likely your perspective is different from reality - its rather surreal and it tends to be tainted by your opinion rather than reality. you aren't the most consistent/routine oriented people - journaling is sporadic, answering texts even more so (you will read it and say "i will respond later" but later doesn't come), and forget it on social media you often are on it too much watching everyone and everything carefully or not at all. often it seems like you have plenty of things too say but it might just be gossip...

venus: positive aspects: you love boldly and without stressing what others will think. society be damned. love is love. they are the next most likely, after moon aspects, to be bisexual or pansexual. they find beauty, love, and harmony in all their relationships without fail. i also feel like these are the people who remain friends with their exes. also important in the romantic realm of this person - their exploration of themselves. self-love and the exploration of sensuality is just as important as the love you provide others. these are feminist individuals who are likely to advocate for feminine rights as well as encourage exploration of themselves (yoni retreats, women only gyms, girls retreat, etc). while these people might not be poetic, they do value poetry and well spoken people. you are likely to be artists. negative aspects: there is something lazy about these people and the way they love others. you don't share anything about yourself easily. you aren't the most romantic. nor is sex a sensual experience - it is just sex. don't get me wrong you do enjoy sex - you like it a lot. but its often more about their pleasure than their lover's. something about these individuals has a masculine element too like they are uncomfortable with femininity - they try their hardest to not blend with the aesthetics associated or the expectations associated with the divine feminine (these people tend to be more tomboyish to me). these people may own a lot of art but it is unlikely they with find themselves making something they enjoy.

mars: positive aspects: you can create sexual poetic or artistic things. these people tend to be more passionate and creative. your sexual or sensual experiences fuel artistic endeavors, such as writing, art, or music. you likely express sensuality openly and creatively, leading to a more confident approach in matters of the heart, relationships, and sexuality. you likely feel comfortable and assertive in expressing your sexual desires and preferences, without hesitation or shame. there is balance between raw passion and refined emotional connection with these aspects. they tend to have relationships where both physical and emotional needs are well-expressed. they often explore different aspects of sexuality, including bisexuality/pansexuality, also they have a willingness to experiment and engage with their desires more openly. they tend to have a deep understanding of their needs and those of their partner. negative aspects: you might find yourself in relationships where there is a disconnect between physical desires and emotional desires. this aspect could manifest as feeling conflicted between wanting intense physical connections and needing a more emotional and sensual relationship. someone with these aspects might have strong sexual desires but feel ashamed or uncomfortable expressing them in a way that aligns with their emotional/mental vision of you they are / who they should be. they might find themselves being in a relationship with someone they love but feel uncomfortable asking for something sexual they enjoy out of fear they will be looked at differently. they tend to struggle with self-acceptance or face external resistance in expressing their true sexual identity and sexual desires. you might be someone who rush into relationships or sexual experiences without considering your emotional needs, leading to dissatisfaction or regret. alternatively, you may feel that your creative work is met with criticism, leading to discouragement or dissatisfaction with your artistic pursuits.

jupiter: positive aspects: you have enhanced artistic talents and self-expression, particularly in the realm of poetry, music, and/or other creative endeavors. you have an abundance of creative ideas and a natural flow in expressing them. you have a great appreciation for beauty, art, and culture, you seek opportunities for artistic growth and success. you approach love with generosity, optimism, and personal depth, leading to fulfilling partnerships. you are likely to explore your sensuality and sexual identity. you may find inspiration in travel, religion, and/or cultural exploration. you have the ability to be an artist and/or poet whose works have an impact; you can insight hope, optimism, and love. you have opportunities for success in artistic/creative fields. you can achieve public recognition, financial success, or widespread appreciation for your artistic works. negative aspects: you may tend to engage in sexual activities recklessly/excessively, without considering the emotional / long-term consequences. you may have unrealistic expectations in romantic relationships. this only tends to lead to disappointment when reality doesn’t live up to your idealized visions of love. you may overlook red flags in relationships, hoping for the best and assuming things will work out, only to be let down later. they might struggle with guilt / inner conflict around their sexual desires especially if they feel these go against their spiritual or moral beliefs.

saturn: positive aspects: you value commitment and stability in relationships; preferring deep, long-term connections over fleeting encounters. you like lasting bonds built on trust, reliability, and mutual respect. if you work in creative fields, you likely have a disciplined approach to honing your craft. you can create relationships that are not just passionate but also long-lasting and resilient. your creative works may hold a sense of realism, wisdom, and depth, reflecting the complexities of human emotion in a thoughtful, mature manner. your desires are often expressed in a way that is thoughtful, considerate, and respectful of boundaries. you have the ability to learn and grow from past romantic and sexual/sensual experiences. you may have a serious commitment to developing your artistic or poetic talents. diligence is likely to payoff. your dedication to the arts may lead to recognition for your skill, precision, and depth in expressing themes of love, beauty, and/or human emotion. you have a natural inclination towards showing love through actions, loyalty, and support, rather than grand gestures or overly idealistic expressions. negative aspects: you may have feelings of guilt, inhibition, and: or discomfort around sensuality and emotional expression. you likely struggles to embrace your desires; leading to self-denial or repression of natural impulses. you likely have the tendency to be overly reserved/cautious in romantic matters which leads to a cold/distant demeanor in relationships. you may have an inclination toward pessimism in love, always expecting challenges or disappointments, which can hinder the growth of a healthy, balanced relationship. alternatively you make experience blockages in artistic or poetic expression. you could be highly self-critical, doubting your creative abilities and feeling as if your work is never good enough. there could also be a fear of failure in creative pursuits, leading to procrastination, hesitation, and/or abandoning projects altogether. a fixation on the past can prevent them from moving forward and embracing new experiences in their romantic life. you might feel uncomfortable with the openness and intimacy required in deep emotional connections, leading to a preference for emotional detachment or avoidance of romantic entanglements.

uranus: positive aspects: you likely have a highly original artistic or poetic style. you are likely to be someone who embraces their sexuality in a way that’s both free and unconventional. you explore and express your desires without inhibition or conforming to societal norms. with this aspect you are likely to experience sudden and/or unconventional relationships. you likely advocate for gender equality and LGBTQ+ rights in a way that’s revolutionary or ahead of your time - using art, writing, and/or activism to challenge norms. you may use art, poetry, and/or your personal life to challenge taboos, express rebellion, or embrace shocking themes that push boundaries and inspire change. negative aspects: you may experience sudden bursts of inspiration followed by creative slumps, making it hard to consistently create. your artistic/poetic expression might feel scattered. you could have difficulty finding balance between personal freedom and intimacy, leading to sudden breakups or arguments in your love life. your individuality / progressive ideas about love and sexuality might alienate you from others, causing tension in friendships and/or familial relationships. you might have a tendency to rebel against traditional notions of love or gender roles in a way that is self-sabotaging. you might resist emotional vulnerability or act impulsively in romantic situations, leading to hurt feelings in a relationship. you might push boundaries to the point of discomfort, shock, and/or controversy. your behavior coming off as more chaotic than visionary.

neptune: positive aspects: you are highly inspired by love and beauty. what you create has a dreamy, ethereal quality. you have a natural ability to channel deep emotions into art, music, and/or poetry. you have a deeply romantic and compassionate nature. love to you is a transcendent, spiritual experience; you may often seeking connections that feel divine and otherworldly. in a relationship, you are likely to have an intuitive understanding of your significant others’ emotional needs. you have innate ability to be empathetic, compassionate, and kind. if you take part in deity work, your deities are likely to answer you in unexpected ways. negative aspects: you tend to have unrealistic expectations in love. you may idealize your partner and your relationship, only to feel disillusioned when reality doesn’t live up to your fantasy. this can result in disappointment, heartbreak, or unrequited love. you may have a tendency towards emotional avoidance and/or denial in that regard. you may struggle with creative blocks, feel overwhelmed by your imagination, or have trouble grounding your ideas into tangible form. this aspect can manifest as dishonesty or secrets in relationships. you either deceive yourself about your feelings or attract partners who are dishonest or elusive, leading to betrayal or confusion in love. you may give too much of yourself to your partner and losing your sense of identity. often you endure unhealthy relationships out of misguided loyalty or compassion. you may have unhealthy emotional attachments, obsessions, and/or infatuations. you might become captivated by someone/something unattainable, causing emotional turmoil or dissatisfaction.

pluto: positive aspects: relationships for you may feel fated/karmic, and can lead to significant personal growth. you might channel deep emotions, desires, and transformations into your art/poetry. your creativity could lead to bold, passionate works that explore themes of love, death, rebirth, and transformation. art for you might be cathartic. you are the most likely of the bunch to be seen as highly attractive and charismatic. your personal presence and your artistic creations are what makes you magnetic. you have the ability to process and release deep emotional wounds, using love, art, or poetry as a tool for your healing. you are willing to explore more taboo aspects of love, sexuality, and relationships. you embrace the darker / more intense aspects of love and desire. negative aspects: you know how sappho pitch herself of a cliff... you may experience intense feelings of infatuation or obsession in relationships, where you become overly fixated on a partner or idealized love. which can create an unhealthy dynamic and lead to emotional turmoil. you may struggle with issues of dominance and submission in your relationships, leading to toxic patterns or manipulative behavior. you may experience cycles of emotional highs and lows, leading to dramatic breakups or turbulent interactions that leave lasting scars. you may have a fear of vulnerability in intimate relationships. you may avoid genuine emotional connection due to fears of being hurt or overwhelmed, leading you to have more superficial interactions.

aphrodite (1388): positive aspects: you are someone who can call upon the goddess to assist you in matters of love, and she reassure you that your desires will be fulfilled. you will find you have a responsive deity, willing to intervene on your behalf. she will help you to navigate the complexities of love and giving you confidence. you naturally have a sense of personal power and control in love. your muse is beauty and emotional depth - it can be seen in your artistic works. negative aspects: you may only approach divinity in moments of deep pain or when faced with unrequited love. even with divine intervention, your romantic life is likely fraught with emotional suffering. you have lack of control/power over your own love life. there is a sense of helplessness or lack of autonomy when things don't work out how you expect them to. even divine favor cannot fully prevent the pain, longing, and/or rejection that come with human love.

eros (433): positive aspects: intense emotional experiences, allowing you to feel and express love and desire with greater depth and passion. you make rather compelling and evocative works. the intensity of longing and desire may spark artistic creativity, allowing you to explore love in all its emotional and physical dimensions. you may have a profound understanding of the shared human experience of love and desire. your art may highlights the sweetness and joy that comes from love, even amid its challenges. negative aspects: this can manifest as intense emotional suffering. the feelings of heartache, longing, and despair are likely very familiar to you. love can feel vulnerable, powerless, or all-consuming to you, which can be overwhelming and destabilizing. you may intensely long for someone who does not return the same feelings, resulting in frustration, loneliness, and emotional suffering. desire can often feel like a burden.

have ideas for new content? please use my “suggest a post topic” button! 

return to nox’s guide to metaphysics

return to the masterlist of greek myths & legends

© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved