#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think

[musical-chick-13]

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[moetxt]

zhongven and zhongscara for the ship bingo (guess who this is 😏

i see you 👁️

ah, zhongscara...

for me, it started with mine and a friend's determination to have our faves kiss zhongli, but i only got further enabled when someone else pointed out parallels i didn't even see initially. i'm proud to be one of the 13 people who ships it 😁

though, to be honest, i really prefer them in a non-romantic context. in my eyes, they're friends with a compatible worldview and REALLY REALLY compatible kinks. scara would never admit this to his face but he sees zhongli as one of the precious few people in the world competent enough to dom him. meanwhile, on zhongli's side, he enjoys very much how scara lets him do what he does best, to the fullest; most people wouldn't be able to handle it, after all.

i think romance is the one major thing they disagree on. scara with his trust issues cannot COMPREHEND how zhongli is still willing to put his whole heart into loving someone even after getting hurt multiple times in the past.

now... you knew this was coming.

zhongven my BELOVED!!! they've been happily married for 2,000 years. they have an angsty on-again/off-again open relationship thing but neither of them thinks it's enough and also they get jealous. they've been mutually pining for millennia to the point that there is plentiful evidence of how down bad they are for each other in both their countries' mythology/folklore/traditions/ancient artifacts/archaeological sites but they've never once actually admitted they're in love with one another. as gods, they can't love as humans do and as divine manifestations of their elements and ideals, they're natural opposites locked in an eternal stalemate of courtship; can't tie down the wind, can't whisk away the earth. they've divorced at least 300 times. they're bitter exes and ei is the only one left alive who can tell you all about it (she will not).

unlike other ships i've been obsessed with in the past, it's hard for me to remove zhongven from their canon context, or at the very least a context where they are still divine/immortals. the divine opposites thing is just so key to me—they way they shouldn't get along, they shouldn't understand each other, but nonetheless they do. also, exploring edge cases of locality-specific or occupation-specific dual worship that occurs when morax's and barbatos' domains meet. like, how ancient northern liyuens knew to scatter dandelion seeds along with their prayers to make earthquakes during the spring and summer go away because it was probably the geo lord sulking and missing his beloved. or how sailors whisper a prayer or two to the god of wind for safe travels as where rex lapis' domain does not extend, they instead hope for the protection of his "bride" :)

actually, i am writing a whole fic about this! it's an epistolary-styled story filled with outsider accounts of how morax and barbatos just keep popping up, directly or indirectly, in each other's mythology. it's also about zhongli intentionally messing with the historical record in attempt to bring more of this to light because he's sulky about venti not visiting him for 500 years lol.

but yeah, the gods aspect is quite important to me and my view of them is so specific that i tend to be picky when it comes to fics, especially if they are AUs.

finally, as you know, i have more than a couple of crack theories/shipper delusion when it comes to zhongven and wider genshin lore. (descender zhongli and shade of istaroth venti my beloved!!!) namely, that venti warned zhongli about the cataclysm beforehand due to his god of time/celestia connections, but didn't warn the others, and that's why there was a near pantheon wipeout and the tsaritsa hates him now while zhongli carries so much guilt. also, that zhongli retired godhood at least partly due to venti, leaving his country to the humans (just like venti had done all along), and because he regretted how he always prioritized work and didn't treasure what he had until venti disappeared for his 500y coma.

"the end of godhood" is a really fascinating concept to me, as is what their relationship could turn out like in the future. they aren't gods anymore, but they're not exactly humans either, and no one else can really understand them like they understand each other. a lot of the obstacles in the way of them being together are now gone, but they now also carry new scars. i have a fic vaguely drafted centering around this too.

hehe, thanks for giving me the excuse to talk at length about them! 💞

[phoenixyfriend]

Re: the AU where Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex are stuck on Tattooine pre-TPM, how much of the truth does Shmi know? Is she aware that Local Weird Mechanic is her baby boy all grown up?

I addressed this in a previous ask but Shmi is the first person to know they’re time-travelers and, for three years, the only person to know.

Base Post

Anakin didn’t actually think to give a fake name at first, because he wasn’t aware that he was in the past, and assumed that between his Very Famous face and Rex’s Very Recognizable armor, people would just know who he was on sight, even on Tatooine. I imagine that Tatooine, despite mostly ignoring the war, had a lot of the lower classes being very eager for information on the Jedi General with a slave name. Like all else aside, That’s One Of Ours.

So Anakin doesn’t bother with a fake name, and by the time he realizes what’s up with time-travel, it’s too late. He’s already cemented himself in the memories of at least a handful of people that, for whatever reason, he needs or wants to stay on good terms with.

[more under the cut]

The next issue is that Anakin doesn’t want his mom to have her choices taken away. She has friends on Tatooine, despite everything. A husband, in the future, that he understands she genuinely loved. Anakin doesn’t know for sure that his mom would want to leave the planet. He wants to give her the choice, but if she wants to stay on Tatooine, then he needs to free her the “legal” way, by buying her (and little Ani’s) freedom, because otherwise she’ll have to be on the lookout for Hutt Law Enforcement who are looking to get Watto’s property back for him.

If she wants to leave the planet, then it’s easy enough to steal in, deactivate/remove the slave chip, and smuggle her out. They’ve done that before. It’s fine.

But it has to be Shmi’s choice, and Anakin is very adamant about that.

This means that he needs to, you know, talk to her. And ask her what she wants. And the thing is, if he just asks “Hey, can I talk to your slave for a bit,” Watto will have very specific assumptions about what Anakin wants, gross ones. Shmi is also likely to have those assumptions until Anakin clarifies what’s going on. If he just asks her the questions about slavery without a specification as to why he cares, then there’s a solid chance she might assume that he’s there to trap her in questions she can’t answer because he’s been hired to find runaway slaves, and that’s just a mess of its own.

What it really comes down to, for Anakin, is that he has to go to his and his mom’s hovel, where Watto can’t interfere OR make assumptions out loud that have Bad Connotations, and talk to Shmi one-on-one (probably he brings Ahsoka to distract little Ani). His options at that point are two versions of the truth: 1. Former slave who is looking to free her and other slaves, and is contacting her at this point because he wants to prioritize those with children 2. Just telling her that he’s her son from the future

But this is Anakin, who often puts his emotions before his logic, and also really misses his mom. He is a dramatic mess who shows up at her door with a hood to hide his face, says something dramatic but with like... whatever code makes it clear that he used to be a slave and is there for that business, and tells her “here, my teenage apprentice can distract your son while we talk.”

And they sit down, Anakin feeling very awkward, and then he just... takes her hands and lets her feel him in the Force because I imagine Shmi was at least a little Force-Sensitive, if only because it’s more convenient for me if she is. Anakin proves that he is the future version of her adorable six-year-old, and he explains the choices and his plans, and Shmi firmly tells him that if he’s a Jedi now, and doesn’t have an official obligation back on Coruscant, then he can help a LOT more people by staying on Tatooine and joining a freedom trail of some sort. People need help, there’s no war to fight, and Anakin can do as much good freelancing at home as he could going back to Official Jedi Work. She’ll stay to help since she’s got more contacts than he does.

Anakin’s like “yes, absolutely, I will do whatever you say” because he can’t say no to Mom.

They have to come up with a cover story for Anakin and Anakin having the same exact name, especially once Little Ani grows up enough to look like his older self, so Shmi and Anakin work out a plan to claim that she once had a younger brother named Anakin, whom she was separated from years ago, when the brother was a child and she was a teenager. She heard through the grapevine that he’d died, and a few years later had a child that she named after the little brother, as one does. Turns out the little brother isn’t dead, he was freed and joined an army of some sort, got married and picked up an apprentice, and is now back on Tatooine to Free His Sister (and also everyone else).

The “I am my own uncle” cover story will not hold up without Shmi’s full involvement, which is fine because Shmi is willing to play hardball in this situation. Big Anakin is a trained Jedi and war general, and Rex is very good at logistics, and Ahsoka’s a sneaky little shit. They are a great addition to the network of freedom trails on Tatooine, especially since the mix of skills they have is pretty much guaranteed to provide a solid cover for a lot of what they do. Anakin is an expert mechanic, Ahsoka is good enough to proudly claim to be his apprentice, and Rex’s logistic management of the paperwork is good enough to hide a lot of the more secret money that flows through once Hutt Tax People show up.

Running a space mechanic shop means it’s really easy to excuse basically any large ship that stops by. That freighter is just here to get a tune-up, sir! It’s definitely spice they’re hiding in the secret cargo holds, not three dozen escaped sentients.

We have all this medical equipment because of the number of burns we get welding things into place, or the incidents where someone slips and gets cut on a saw. Definitely not there for removing slave chips.

Those shipping manifests are definitely just here so we can project our possible income in the next few seasons by guessing who’s going to be coming through the city, and not us trying to figure out how many of Jabba’s goons we can sabotage without getting caught.

[gaemkyuu]

Mommy will you marry Charlie? (Charlie Gillespie x Fictional Character)

Warnings: mention of teenage pregnancy A/N: I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of love “Mommy can we keep him” received. I was originally going to upload the proposal AND the wedding, but I’ve been struggling a bit with the wedding portion. I hope you enjoy the proposal! Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Mommy will you marry Charlie?

“Hey! Are you ready to go?” Charlie knocked and popped his head into Riley’s ensuite, pausing to take in her beauty. She was dressed in a pretty summer dress and placed a few more bobby pins into her hair, smiling at him in the mirror.

“Just about. Are Owen and Savannah here?” Riley’s answer came at that moment when the doorbell rang. Charlie left the ensuite and headed for the door just as Emerson got to it.

“Emmy, what did we say about answering the door?” Charlie chastised, moving quicker to the door. Emerson slightly pouted knowing he was right and sat on the entryway bench, waiting for Charlie to open the door. “You guys are just in time!” “No thanks to Owen” Savannah scoffed, motioning to the giant behind her.

“I hadn’t eaten yet, I needed My Chick-fil-A, but then I forgot to order some for Emmy, so we had to go back through the drive through” he sighed, showing him the two bags of take out in his hands. “Where is the little stinker?”

“I’m not stinky! I took a bath!” she hopped on the entryway bench and into Savannah’s arms first, Owen dramatically displayed his offense to the toddler.

“How come she gets a hug first?! I brought you Chicken Strips!” Savannah picked her up and balanced her on her hip. “I even convinced the lady to give you two books!”

“Aunty Savannah didn’t call me stinky and knows that I ate supper before you came.” she giggled and shook her head. “Plus, I like the chicken nuggets and not the strips” Owen rolled his eyes and muttered a ‘oh come on’ under his breath, but as soon as Savannah put her down, Emerson gave Owen’s leg a hug.

Riley came to the front door and greeted her friends, thanking them again for being so willing to babysit while they went out for the evening. After Charlie and Emerson’s date, the couple decided that they would go on more family dates as a request from the little girl and Charlie. Riley didn’t think anything of it, but she certainly didn’t want to come between the relationship they were both developing. This was the first time Emerson ever really accepted another man into their lives.

At the young age of 18 and saving enough money, Riley moved out of her mother’s home in Chino Hills to a one bedroom, one bath in downtown LA that was closer to her office. Riley was grateful that her mom agreed to come over to their apartment to babysit Emerson while she was at work as it helped her to save up more money to eventually move into a chic modern home on the outskirts of downtown. She was always so focused on providing for Emerson that she rarely let anyone into her life and when she did, she always had to make sure that they got the seal of approval from Emerson.

There was Nick from the marketing department at Netflix who she thought was cute, but he wasn’t very open to the idea of potentially becoming a dad so early on. Emerson really didn’t like him as she would cry every time he looked at her or moved towards her. That didn’t last more than three weeks.

Then there was Jaime from the grocery store who loved children and really liked Riley, but Emerson didn’t like the fact that Riley made more money than Jaime and warned her mom several times about him, despite her young age. Riley learned her lesson that sometimes four year olds are very perceptive because Jaime asked to borrow money for his rent a month later.

Lastly, there was Greg, a single dad who had twins the same age as Emerson. That didn’t last because the kids would often fight. Emerson thought the children were dumb and immature, while the twins thought Emerson was acting like a weird grown up.

Riley always prioritized Emerson in any decision making process she had, but at her core she felt lonely. She couldn’t tell her daughter this despite her intelligence. She was still a child. What kind of a mother would she be if she vented to her child? But Emerson knew her mom was lonely. She often heard her crying in the pantry and quietly talking on the phone late at night. That’s why when Charlie walked in their lives, she knew she had to play nice for a little while for the sake of her mother. Neither girls expected that Charlie would become such an important piece of their lives.

“Emerson we will be back past your bedtime, so give me kisses now” Riley requested as she hugged her little girl and peppered her with kisses. She giggled and kissed her mother back until she let go. Instinctively, Charlie knelt down too and opened his arms, giving her a quick peck on the head. Emerson gave him a hug back and kissed him on the cheek, the gesture garnering a loud “aw” from Owen, as the girls silently admired the interaction. Charlie rolled his eyes and whispered to Emerson quickly, making her giggle as his breath tickled her ear and neck. 

“You guys should get going so we can start painting Uncle Owen’s nails!” Savannah interrupted, glancing at the time on her phone. “We also get to facetime Uncle Jeremy, Aunty Carolyn and Aunty Madison too!” Emerson got super excited and skipped to her bedroom to grab her “nail kit”, a toy Savannah had bought her last Christmas. With a laugh, the couple headed out the door and off to supper. 

As soon as the door closed, the two friends and Emerson got to work. They were in on the plan and set about decorating their house. Emerson and Charlie had gone to PartyCity a few days ago while Riley was at an executive meeting and picked out a bunch of decorations for his proposal. At first, Charlie was hesitant, but Emerson was absolutely sure her mother said yes. Knowing his past of always being proven wrong by Emerson, he decided to listen to the little girl and follow her lead.

“Remember, mommy had me when she was a kid so she missed out on kid things. Do a bunch of kid things with mommy!” 

That’s what prompted Charlie to take her to Santa Monica. Charlie had made a reservation at a restaurant on the Santa Monica beachfront and the two enjoyed a lovely casual dinner. They talked about projects they were excited about and started ‘people watching’ from their seats, laughing and making silly jokes about the people who passed them by. After dinner, they set out to do “Kid Things” and played games on the pier, settling for mini donuts as dessert and eventually watching the sunset. Charlie tensed for a moment, but quickly relaxed as he felt the small box in his pocket.

“Mommy won’t say yes unless I’m there. She would be too busy thinking about me before she says yes, so ask her at home”

“But what about bedtime?”

“I mean if you say I can stay up, then that should be okay right?”

“You okay? You looked tense for a second” Riley snapped him out of his thoughts, but he was grateful that she shivered because it gave him a chance to change the topic. 

“Yeah, I was just thinking about the sunset in Dieppe. Can’t wait to take you one day. Cold?” he draped his denim jacket over her shoulders, and hugged her from behind. As soon as the glow from the sunset disappeared and the glow of the carnival lights replaced them, Charlie decided that instead of walking on the beach, they would go home and watch a movie on the couch. They spent the drive back to Riley’s place in a comfortable silence with the radio gently playing music. Charlie started to feel more excited and antsy the closer they got to her place. Before exiting the car, he held her hand in his and kissed the back of it. “I love you, you know that?” Riley smiled, nodded and kissed him on the lips. Charlie raced her to the door, knowing full well that he would beat her to it, but that didn’t stop Riley from trying. They stumbled through the entry a fit of giggles and laughter, but Riley stumbled on a pair of shoes. 

“Charlie! I told you to... put your shoes...away?” she became more confused as she stared at the pair. They weren’t Owen’s, Charlie’s, Savannah’s or Emmerson’s. Who could be in their house? She looked up to see Charlie nowhere in sight and began to worry. “Char, this isn’t funny. This is like the scene from a horror movie” she quickly shed her shoes and walked down the corridor to the living room. She didn’t expect to see her mother, Charlie’s mom and their closest friends standing behind Charlie and Emerson with excited looks on their faces. To add to her confusion, they held party poppers and noise makers, while a giant Congratulations banner decorated her living room. She heard Emerson clear her throat and Charlie stood proudly beside her.

“Dear mommy, I stayed up past my bedtime because Charlie said I had to” everyone in the room laughed at this, as Emerson continued to read from the piece of paper in her hands. 

“Mommy, you work so hard to give me the best life and the best toys. Sometimes I wonder how I can give you the best life and the best toys, but adults don’t play with toys. I asked aunty Carolyn why she was so happy with uncle Jeremy, and she said it was because she gets to be with uncle Jeremy forever” Carolyn wiped the tear that had formed in her eyes. 

“I asked uncle Owen why aunty Carolyn and uncle Jeremy got to be together forever, and that’s when uncle Owen said it was because they were married.” She took a deep breath and lost her place on her paper. Charlie peaked over and pointed to where she needed to keep reading from. 

“Oh, right. When I asked you were getting married, you told me never and that it was a rude question, but I think that was because you had a bad day at work” despite the teary eyes, her comment made everyone laugh. 

“So I asked Charlie to go on a date with me and ask him when he would marry you” Riley gasped as Charlie pulled out the box with the ring, getting down on one knee. “I know Charlie makes you happy and I think you should be together forever. Charlie has a question for you and the answer is yes.”

“Riley King, I love you and I love Emerson. I can’t think of anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with. You and Emerson are my family now, so let’s make it official” Charlie winked at Emerson who put her paper down and also got onto one knee beside Charlie.

“Mommy, will you marry Charlie?” Riley was crying full tears at this point listening to her daughter’s words, but she nodded and whispered a yes. Everyone erupted in a cheer and the party poppers went off as he put the ring on her finger, kissing her and picking up Emerson. “You did so good, Emmy!”

“You’re gonna be my daddy!!!” Emerson exclaimed, full of excitement and squeezing Charlie. 

Riley wiped her tears and kissed her daughter on the cheek, truly speechless. Everyone came around to congratulate them, Savannah, Madison, and Carolyn all wanting to see the ring first and then hugs. She was on cloud nine, still not able to understand how this was all being planned behind her back. “Is that why you volunteered to babysit?” Savannah nodded her head sheepishly and hugged her friend. Charlie’s mother gave her a big hug congratulating her on their engagement expressing her excitement to have another daughter in law, while Riley’s mother hugged Charlie, crying happy tears. The rest of the evening was spent enjoying everyone’s company that the couple lost track of time. By the time they said goodbye to Owen, the last to leave, Emerson had fallen asleep on the couch. 

“You mean to tell me, you planned this entire thing with my daughter behind my back?” Charlie smiled and nodded, picking the little girl up from the couch, careful not to wake her up. “I mean, I am touched, but I’m also afraid of what else you two are capable of doing”

“Just wait til you hear her ideas for the wedding.” Charlie chuckled as they headed to her room to tuck her in for the night. He put the little girl into bed and Riley watched the whole scene from the doorway, tears coming to her eyes as it finally sank in that this was her family. Emerson stirred and shifted around, uncomfortable all of a sudden. Charlie cooed at her and assured that she was fine, humming softly to her, something that he often used since the first night he helped her through a nightmare.

“G’night daddy” she mumbled in her sleepy daze, settling back to sleep. Charlie was taken off guard as the new title fell from her mouth. He felt his heart explode and wiped a tear that fell from his eyes.

“Sleep tight Princess” he sniffled, clearing his throat and kissing the top of her head. He pulled another blanket over her frame as she often got cold in the middle of the night. It amazed Riley how much Charlie knew of her daughter despite the amount of time he had been present in their lives. They softly shut the door behind them and walked hand in hand to their room. “Planning the wedding is going to be fun”

“I was thinking we do it in Dieppe or Moncton” Riley suggested, something to which Charlie lit up at. He looked at her with wide eyes in disbelief.

“If you’re pulling an Emerson on me right now, I’m going to be so mad” they had come up with the term ‘pulling an Emerson’ to describe the sarcasm they often received from the little girl. But Charlie became overjoyed as Riley bit her lip and shook her head, confirming that she did in fact want to get married in his hometown.

“We start planning tomorrow”

A/N: if you really want a wedding scene or a glimpse of life after the wedding let me know!

[robininthelabyrinth]

AU where the Nie clan has dragon blood in their lineage, and usually it just manifests as bad temper and a generally martial inclination. Except, once in a rare while, generations apart, an actual dragon will be born among them... (aka nobody really expected that NHS was the latest Nie dragon).

The Nie sect’s ancestors were butchers; that lowly heritage is well known and widely celebrated, much to the not-entirely-concealed disdain of some of the more refined, gentlemanly sects. Butchers at home and butchers at war – everyone knows that.

What’s rather less well known is that the third sect leader, colloquially known among his descendants as ‘that idiot’, rather heroically saved an imperial princess in battle and then – and this was why he was that idiot – married her. She was a proper princess, too, the true-born daughter of the emperor; other sects might see that as a good thing, since for all that cultivation sects saw themselves as being above petty things like the politics of the common folk, a princess was still a princess.

The Nie did not.

The reason for this was quite simple. What does a cultivation style that already incorporates an increased chance of death through anger most assuredly does not need?

The blood of the eight-clawed dragon, that’s what.

Arrogant, explosive, unruly –

It was a mess.

The sixth sect leader came up with the saber halls to honor his father and grandfather – most especially his grandfather, who’d had a bad tendency towards slit-pupiled eyes when he’d been especially enraged, and whose saber had absorbed every ounce of his ferocity – and the next few generations made a point of finding especially meek daughters or sons for their children to marry, and that was that; everyone hoped that that idiot’s mistake could be diluted out of existence.

It was, for the most part. 

But every few generations, imperial blood ran true, and not only in terms of majesty or arrogance, and then the entire sect had to close its doors to the outside world and pretend with all their might that no, of course there wasn’t a rampaging beast of an especially draconic variety raging behind the extremely sturdy walls of the Unclean Realm, what nonsense that would be.

Still, if Lao Nie had to wager on one of his children being a dragon, he probably would have put money on it being his firstborn: already far too tall for his age, a brilliant prodigy with his saber, and a temper that rivaled some of the older members of the clan.

Certainly not Huaisang.

The only time that child hadn’t been a disappointment was when he was a baby: he’d been remarkably lazy even back then, sleeping more hours of the day than he didn’t even past infancy, and what had been a relief to his nursemaids quickly turned to annoyance by everyone else. It was commonly believed that such a weak and unlively child was likely to grow up to be slow-witted and dull, and, worse, the doctors confirmed his muscle tone was underdeveloped; even with a great deal of practice, he would likely always be a bit behind those his own age.

As he grew older, his penchant of sleeping twenty hours out of every day got even more noticeable, and the family largely lost interest.

Well, most of them. His older brother, who’d quietly taken on the responsibility for caring for Huaisang when no one else in the family had had the time or, truthfully, the interest in the disappointing son of an especially fortunate (unfortunate?) family maid-turned-concubine, indulged him far too much, even carrying him from place to place.

“You’re not a mule, Mingjue,” Lao Nie scolded one day, reinforcing the lesson through swipes of the flat of his saber. “Have some dignity! If Huaisang wants to go places, he can damn well walk there himself!”

Nie Mingjue bowed his head, obedient and filial in every way except for the fact that he didn’t listen; if anything, it got even worse from that point on, the boy barely being seen anywhere without a napping toddler as an accoutrement.

“Did you hear what I said?” Lao Nie roared at him.

“I’m not a mule,” Nie Mingjue recited. “If he wants to go places, he can walk there himself.”

“If you heard me and persisted regardless, you’re undisciplined,” Lao Nie said, arms crossed.

“I accept whatever punishment is appropriate,” Nie Mingjue said, and that was most irritating of all: why would his otherwise perfect eldest son insisted on being beaten once a week when all he had to do was leave that useless lump behind in his rooms, where he’d be happier anyway? It wasn’t as though Nie Huaisang even wanted to be outside: sometimes it seemed he’d only learned to talk in order to complain about how uncomfortable he was, how hot, how sweaty – and he even had the gall to keep complaining even after his older brother fetched a fan for him, like a loyal dog.

Discipline was paramount in the Nie sect; to be undisciplined is to risk being monstrous, and with their cultivation style they could not tolerate such a thing. That was why their punishments were so strict, even if the rules were relatively sparse - more principle than rule, really. But on the other hand, their family had always been the sort that would rather break than bend: if Nie Mingjue wanted to pay for his willfulness by accepting punishments, he was entitled to do so.

Still – there was punishment, and there was wanton cruelty; at some point, one of the men in the punishment hall abandoned the former for the latter. He was a popular man, the son of another sect’s diplomat that had married a close cousin of the main family and stayed in Qinghe; for some reason he’d developed an intense dislike of Nie Mingjue – a dislike which was mutual, and likely to cause trouble in the future when Nie MIngjue became Sect Leader, but which currently put Nie MIngjue in a very bad position given the man’s status as his elder.

Lao Nie only learned about the whole matter much later, and when he did he was so spitting mad he grabbed his saber and would have spitted the man on it, cousin or no cousin, if he hadn’t been held back; but at the time he had no idea, busy as he was defending the borders of his lands against troubles caused by that ever-smiling bastard Wen Ruohan.

When he did hear about it, though, he was infuriated: his son and heir had been beaten three times the usual amount, a compilation of a thousand little offenses that could only technically be termed breaches of discipline, forced to complete several dozen of their most demanding exercises, and then made to kneel outside on the hottest day of the year; to no one’s surprise, he had eventually collapsed rather than yield and beg for mercy, his skin cracking and lips starting to bleed as his consciousness left him.

He was after all a Nie. 

Who knows how far that bastard might have gone, his eyes fixed on a prize he would never inherit with his outsider’s surname, if Nie Huaisang hadn’t been there, tucked away curled up underneath a shady tree and made to watch despite Nie Mingjue’s request that he be sent back to his rooms.

Those who were near enough to see – and Lao Nie had plans to punish the whole lot of them for not having interfered: what was the point of a clan motto that prioritized justice and suppression of evil no matter what the consequences if they would allow it to happen in their own damn home? – said that it didn’t happen at once, that there was a pause when Nie Mingjue’s body hit the ground; perhaps it was only that Nie Huaisang was slow to realized what was happening.

Perhaps it just took a while for the change to happen.

Either way, everyone agreed on what happened next: the unfurling of a serpentine body twice the length of a fully grown man, although only about as wide around as a goat, a red-eyed glare that was backed with teeth and claw, and a roar of challenge at anyone who even thought about pulling Nie Mingjue’s body away from the center of those coils.

Apparently Nie Huaisang had needed all that sleep because he was still growing. Who would have known?

It was the youngest full transformation they’d ever had in their clan by far. The boy hadn’t even reached the age of three!

“If he’s stopped sweating, he has heatstroke,” Lao Nie told his apparently not useless younger son, having been urgently summoned to the training field. “He needs to be taken inside at once; you’re only making things worse.”

Nie Huaisang bared his teeth at him, and Lao Nie bared his teeth right back.

He might not be a dragon, but his son’s blood had come from somewhere.

“I am your father,” he snarled. “You will listen to me and obey. You hear me? You will get off of him this instant. If he doesn’t get water soon, he will die.”

Lao Nie will never know if it was the demand for filial piety or the threat to Nie Mingjue’s life that got Nie Huaisang to comply – he suspected the latter – but Nie Huaisang gave in and backed off, allowing the clan’s medics to rush over and take Nie Mingjue away.

Lao Nie looked at the dragon, thinking to himself that the vastness of the underground caverns beneath the Unclean Realm weren’t for nothing: if this was what a two-year-old dragon looked like, he’d be a full-fledged calamity when full grown.

His saber itched in his palm at the thought, but he ignored it. The embarrassing yao-derived portion of their bloodline aside, the Nie sect set itself against evil, and Nie Huaisang was lazy, not evil.

“This is going to be trouble,” he finally said. “It can’t be allowed to get out.”

You can’t go out, he meant, but maybe Nie Huaisang in all his laziness wouldn’t mind being restricted to the Unclean Realm. Maybe, if they were lucky, they could teach him to like paintings and books instead, since he could never be allowed out to join a proper battlefield.

He’d be locked at home forever, unless the Sect Leader decided otherwise - and that meant Lao Nie would be the one responsible for it.

Ancestor or not, damn that idiot. 

In the end, Nie Huaisang didn’t respond to him at all, merely took to the air – flying must be inherent, since he didn’t seem especially bothered by what should be something brand new – and headed inwards, aiming towards…

His brother’s bedroom.

Not really a surprise, that.

A bit of a surprise that he could find it so quickly, though, from such an unfamiliar angle…

Lao Nie’s eye twitched.

If his stubborn older son had known about this, he was going to wish he’d died of heatstroke.

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Escape

Summary: The Red Room haunts you, from the moment you stepped foot inside to long after you’ve left. Truth is, you don’t think there is any escaping it.

Warnings: 18+ Violence, Depression, Mentions of Death, Smut

Chapter 12

****** 

A lab. A safehouse. A barn. A warehouse. Hell you wouldn’t be surprised if you’d ended up in a empty field. But a diner? You didn’t expect to be here. 

Scott, Steve, and Natasha seemed more interested in the Doctor. 

You can’t say you’re shocked. After the very obvious complications he was having before, you figured he’d end up fixing it. Seeing the Hulk so, human, was different but not surprising.

“Come on, I feel like I'm the only one eating.” He nudges the plate towards you and Natasha,“ try some of that. Have some eggs.” 

You raise an eyebrow at the people at the table before looking at the plate. With a shrug, you grab a fork and eat some eggs. Finding that they taste pretty good, you eat some more.

Natasha smiles a little at you, shaking her head and then looking at Bruce.

“I’m so confused.” Scott is the first to speak.

Bruce nods,“ these are confusing times.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean.”

With a sigh, Bruce says,“ no, I get it. I'm kidding! I know. It's crazy. I'm wearing shirts now.”

You can’t help but chuckle at that. Of all the confusing things that’s going on with the man, wearing clothes isn’t that big a deal. 

“Yeah!” Scott exclaims,“ wh- How? Why?” He frowns.

A somber expression takes over Bruce’s face,“ five years ago, we got our asses beaten. Except it was worse for me. Because I lost twice. First, Hulk lost, then Banner lost. Then, we all lost.”

There’s no part of you that could one hundred percent understand what Bruce had felt during all of that. Still, if it hurt you to lose to Thanos, you know it’s so much worse for him.

“No one blamed you, Bruce.” Your wife tries reassuring him.

Still, he shakes his head,“ I did.” He explains his acceptance of the hulk, briefly mentions the process of doing so, and expresses his pride of becoming this better version of himself. 

You have to admit that it is nice to see that he’s doing better. 

Conversation stops at the presence of three little kids. They take a picture with Bruce and then get into a small spat with Scott before leaving. 

Eventually Steve directs the conversation back to the important topic. Only for Bruce to point out that’s a little above his paygrade. 

“You managed to pull this off. I remember a time where this seemed pretty impossible too.” Natasha encourages. 

Bruce’s eyes watch her, trusting the emotion in her eyes. With one look around the table, taking in Scott and Steve’s hopeful expressions, he agrees to come back to the compound to try. 

Still you all don’t leave until Bruce is finished eating. You’d helped put away some of the food, eating some more eggs and a couple sausages but steering clear of the overly large pancakes.

Minutes later you’re all climbing into the Quinjet. Natasha and Steve both head to the pilots seats leaving you, Bruce, and Scott behind. 

You’re already sitting and paging through a book noncommittally when Bruce decides to join you. He sits in the two chairs beside, resting back on the chair and the wall.

“Sup Doc.” You greet, shutting the book and looking up at him.

“Hey Y/N, how you been?” 

A thoughtful expression passes your face,“ truthfully better than ever.”

“That’s great.” He nods, looking over at Natasha,“ I’m guessing married life is treating you well.”

Your eyes fall over to your wife as well,“ it has it’s ups and downs. But I couldn’t be happier.”

While there use to be a longing look on his face you can now see how he’s simply happy that Natasha is happy. 

Conversation between you two shifts from Natasha to the “time heist” as Scott calls it.

“Be honest, do you think this’ll work?” You ask him quietly. 

A frustrated hand runs up his face and through his hair,“ there’s a chance.”

“Bruce. There’s a ‘chance’ to fix climate change. There’s a ‘chance’ to solve poverty. I’m gonna need this to be a little more than a chance for me to trust this plan.”

“Sorry Y/N, that’s all I can give you.” 

Shaking your head, you slouch in your seat.

Thoughts race through your mind, all of them connected to one single thought. You don’t want Natasha to get hurt again. 

Losing the first time shook her, nearly destroyed her and you’d struggled to pick up the pieces it left her in. At times you knew that even though she took comfort in your presence and she appreciated you being there, it wasn’t enough. And as much as you hate to admit it, you still aren’t enough. 

Natasha loves you and you’d never deny or doubt that but you’d never be able to replace or even fill the gap of the family she’d lost. Brothers and sisters, her friends and partners. 

You see the hope filling her and the last thing you want is for her to be let down. Essentially having to lose all over again. 

By the time you get to the compound the sun is setting. 

With the sky painted in shades of yellow and red, you decide to go to the roof. A slight breeze makes it just barely chilly so you continue on, sitting yourself on the roof’s ledge and looking out over the lake.

Taking a deep breath, you sort through your thoughts.

Admittedly you start to feel bad, almost upset with yourself. It’s so incredibly selfish of you to prioritize Natasha over the rest of the universe. You’re not wishing that the world stay this way but you’ve managed to have more than you could’ve ever wanted and the prospect of an even better future with Natasha hangs in the balance of this plan. 

You can’t help but think that you’ve gone from one extreme to the other. In the past you’d completely disregarded your desires, so much so that you allowed yourself to be used by HYDRA and the KGB. And now you’re so sure of what you want that you’re borderline willing to leave things the way they are. 

In truth, all you need is assurance. You need a guarantee that this will work with little to no consequences. Natasha needs to be safe from any possible downfalls. Your new found friends and family can’t be in harms way at all. It’d be ideal to save yourself. 

Part of you knows that if you have to sacrifice yourself to ensure Natasha gets everything she could ever want, you will. Insane really, since your point is to not lose her, but if it meant her happiness it’d be worth it. 

Lost in thought, you don’t pay attention to the door that opens and shuts. Nor do you anticipate the presence of the blonde behind you.

“I have to say, I’m surprised you’ve been so quiet about all of this.”

Turning around, your eyes trail over Steve’s tall and muscular form. You sigh and face forward again.

Steve moves to sit beside you,“ I didn’t miss what you said at Tony’s. And I don’t know much of anything about your past, still I assume you’ve gone through a lot so risking what you have now with Natasha isn’t ideal.”

You scoff,“ ideal? No Steve, it’s not an option. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help bring everyone back, I lost people too, but we don’t even know if this will work. Tony had a point, multiple ones but mainly, what if we screw everything up even worse than it already is.”

“We can’t focus on the negative side of this-”

“You won’t even consider the negative side. Optimism is nice but not blind optimism. If you expect me to even begin to trust this plan I need you to be realistic.” 

His crystal blue eyes follow you as you stand and step away from the ledge. He follows, crossing his arms as he stands in front of you. 

“Be real with me and yourself, right here, right now. How confident are you that this works?”

Instead of an instant reply, Steve takes a deep breath, his shoulders moving as he releases it. You don’t miss the way his fingers rapidly tap against his arm.

Finally he speaks,“ I can’t promise that things won’t change. I can’t promise that there won’t be risks. All I know is that we have to try, if we don’t we’re no better than every bad guy I’ve crossed.” 

A moment of silence. You process his words, observe the honesty in them and even the slight bit of hesitation that displays in his eyes before he looks away. 

“Look, Steve, you’re a good guy and you’re a hero through and through. I’m sure there’s no shortage of sacrifices you’d make to save the world, but,” running a hand through your hair, you take the smallest of steps forward,“ if there’s even the slightest chance that something happens to Natasha I’m out.”

He looks up at you, not expecting what’s been implied by you. 

Yes, you’re willing to try. No, you didn’t expect to cave to quickly. You blame those steely blue eyes.

A breath of relief leaves him and he nods. With that established between you two, you leave the roof. 

Inside the compound you go your separate ways, your destination being the lab. 

Surprisingly, you don’t find Bruce there, which you’re partly grateful for. Being left with your thoughts now isn’t so bad, in fact it helps you work better. 

Your current project is a new suit for Natasha. 

It’s inspired by Tony’s suit. The nanotech sits in the Black Widow symbol of her belt and is activated with a simple touch. You made sure to keep it as form fitting as possible so it doesn’t hinder her speed or agility. 

Instead of repulsor beams like Tony’s suit, it shoots electricity, mimicking the voltage of her widow’s bites. You maintained the same durability, adaptability, and power that Tony’s suit has. Not being as clever as Tony the A.I. you created was simply named Assist and doesn’t stand for anything.

Lastly ensuring that it’s fitted with Natasha’s go to weapons: a staff/batons and the standard pistols. 

You’re in the lab well into the early hours of the next morning and the lack of your presence isn’t unnoticed by Natasha.

Despite having been in deep conversation with Bruce and Scott about the upcoming time travel test, she went to search for you.

She hadn’t realized how much she actually missed your presence until she started looking for you. When she finally gets to your lab there are tears in her eyes. 

Her sniffle grabs your attention. You’re instantly on alert, completely disregarding your work to focus all your attention on your girl.

“What’s wrong love?” You reach for her hands, slowly just in case physical comfort isn’t what she wants.

Instead she steps into your body, wrapping her arms around you and pressing her face against your chest.

“I miss you.” 

You just barely catch her words but your heart tugs at the sad tone of her voice. 

“I didn’t mean to be away from you so long Tash, I’m sorry.” Stroking her hair, you glance at the clock that reads three eleven.“ How about we get to bed yeah?”

She nods against you,“ can we get ice cream first?”

With a chuckle you agree to it.

A couple hours later, after ice cream and a much needed sleep, you regroup in the empty hangar of the compound. 

You clutch a cup of coffee in your hands, standing behind Natasha and away from the equipment. The sun pours light through the floor to ceiling windows, agitating your groggy state, as the coffee has not taken full effect yet.

Your forehead rests on your wife’s shoulder as she taps away on the tablet in her hands, simultaneously speaking with Scott and Bruce about the plan. 

Eventually they’re ready, running a check of all operations. For some reason you feel like they’re missing something but your brain isn’t functioning at full speed just yet.

Who’s idea was it to do this at seven in the morning?

“Okay, here we go.” Bruce speaks up, causing you to stand up straight and sip your coffee.“ Time travel test number one. Scott, fire up the uhhh, the van thing.” 

Taking a quick second to gather yourself, you roll your shoulders, and move to stand beside Natasha just before Steve comes back in, letting you all know that he’s set the breakers and back up generators.

“Good. 'Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose Tiny here in the 1950's.”

A laugh falls from you before you can stop it but you instantly shut up as Natasha levels you with a look. Then she, Steve, and Scott look at Bruce concerned.

“Excuse me?” Scott ceases to adjust his suit.

Natasha shakes her head,“ he's kidding. You can't say things like that!” She tries to give a reassuring smile to Scott.

“Jus- it was a bad joke.” Bruce fumbles, obviously having meant it.

“You were kidding, right?” Natasha asks after Scott turns away.

“I have no idea. We're talking about time travel here. Either it's all a joke, or none of it is.” The green man whispers before looking to Clint,“ we're good! Get your helmet on, Scott. I'm gonna send you back a week, let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Makes sense?”

Safe to say Scott is confused by that, but a little bit of encouragement from Steve has him ready to go. 

With wide eyes, you watch the failure of a time travel test. Scott went in, only to come back as a child, an old man, and then a baby. Natasha and Steve look on in shock, before panicking and telling Bruce to bring adult Scott back.

“Y/N when I say so, kill the power.”

Nodding, you head over to the lever. Bruce presses some buttons then shouts now. You flip it and normal Scott reappears.

“Time travel!” Bruce exclaims, arms wide.

Everyone looks at him.

Shaking your head, you start to walk away,“ I need more coffee.”

Natasha starts to follow after you as Steve leaves to get air. 

Once the two of you are in the kitchen and you’ve refilled your coffee, you turn to Natasha.

Her emerald eyes look incredibly tired and she’s slouching. You’d thought this new found plan would ease her stress but she seems to be fairing exactly as she had in the past weeks.

You set your cup down, walking closer to her, and sliding your hands over her hips.

“I feel stupid for asking but, how are you?”

She leans into you,“ I don’t want to think what’ll happen if this doesn’t work.”

You nod, pressing a kiss to the top of her head,“ then don’t. There’s no reason to give up hope just yet.”

It’s quiet for mere seconds, and then-

“Well aren’t you two the perfect picture of love.”

Tony’s voice never ceases to make you roll your eyes. If you didn’t already like him you’re sure you’d have punched his cheeky ass a long time ago.

“Of course we are.” You look over at him,“ what’re you doing here?’

“Just sticking around so I can take all the credit when we save the universe.” He smirks.

Natasha perks up at that, suspecting that the genius has figured it out. His seemingly permanent knowing and cocky smirk tells you that he did.

******

Taglist: @thelastavenger-3000 @aaron-despair @messuhp@izalesbean @bvb-bk @username23345 @sighsam@confusinggemini612 @natasha-danvers @rileigh519@higherfurther-romanova  @dynnealberto

[nightwingmyboi]

I find Roy and Dick both having commitment issues so interesting because they seem to go about them differently. Dick tries to tie people to him (getting engaged when relationships get rough), and if that fails, then he runs, finds a new group of friends, and starts over. Roy doesn't let himself get tied down (prior to Lian) ever as a way to avoid commitment. It's just such a cool way to see similar issues regarding abandonment and commitment be approached in such different ways.

You bring up interesting ideas—comparing Dick and Roy’s attitudes in this way is very intriguing and something I hadn’t thought of before. But, to be honest, I kind of don’t agree with the idea that Dick and Roy have commitment issues? I’ve seen people say that before, but it doesn’t really click for me. 

I know I may be in the minority here but I’ve always thought that Dick’s problem is quite the opposite—that he commits himself to too many things way too fully. He gives 100% to working with Batman, and to the Bludhaven police force, and to the Titans, and to whatever other obligations he has at the time, so much so that he over extends himself to the point of exhaustion and collapse. 

New Teen Titans #28

Titans Secret Files #1

Really, I just don’t get how Dick could possibly have commitment issues when he has devoted himself to so many teams: the JLA, the Titans, the Outsiders, even the Birds of Prey to an extent. Dick was known as the linchpin of the DCU; he had relationships with practically everyone. He doesn’t shy away from forming connections. There are so many examples I could give, but a good place to look at in particular would be Tim and Dick’s relationship. Dick specifically reached out to Tim to form a relationship even though he didn’t have to. He treated Tim like a brother, and he made himself available whenever Tim was struggling and needed him (like when Tim was struggling with Stephanie’s pregnancy, with the temptation to bring back his dead loved ones, with suicidal thoughts, etc.) Dick put a lot of work into forming and maintaining their relationship. 

JLA (1997) #121

And just look at his relationship with Batman as well...even when things are rocky between them, whenever Bruce asks for Nightwing’s help, Nightwing will bend over backwards in order to deliver. He is extremely loyal to Bruce, most of the time at great personal cost. 

Batman #416

And let's be real here; Batman is emotionally distant the majority of the time, and if Nightwing didn’t reach out to Batman the two of them would not even really have a relationship! They would not talk lmao. Nightwing is the one who is committed to their relationship; he does all of the emotional labor so Bruce doesn’t have to. Nightwing gives a lot for very little in return, but he still keeps giving. 

And this is not just with the Batfam...he is very consistently there for the Titans. When Donna needs help discovering who she is and where she came from before Wonder Woman entered her life, Dick is the one to help her investigate. When Roy is desperate and needs help retrieving Lian from Cheshire, Dick is the one to beat Cheshire and reunite Roy with Lian. And Dick and Starfire were a couple for years, through lots of ups and downs, and very nearly married. These are not the actions of someone who is afraid to commit, lmao. Dick goes above and beyond for his relationships. 

I think that maybe Dick has a reputation for “running away” as you say because of the fact that he moves around quite a bit: he goes to California with the Titans, and then he’s a vigilante in New York, and then Chicago, and then Bludhaven, and so on. It can make him seem flighty. But @bigskydreaming has has a post about that here, and I very much agree with what he has to say. Dick’s tendency to move around doesn’t strike me as avoidance, but rather a holdover from his life at the circus. Growing up at Haly’s, Dick would constantly have been traveling. A circus is a business, so whenever things would get bad in a particular location for whatever reason, the circus would just move onward and forward. Halys wasn’t abandoning anything with this move, or running away, it was simply moving on in hopes that elsewhere things will be better. It is not at all surprising that Dick would have that same mindset in his own life. When tragedy strikes, instead of getting bogged down by all the bad, Dick tends to try and move forward. It’s one of the things I enjoy most about him, one of the things that distinguishes him from Batman. And one of the best ways to move on is to change things up: 

And a good way to mix things up is to relocate. It’s not like location should matter that much to Dick. Even when he moves he can and does always go back to doing the exact same thing he’s committed his entire life to doing—fighting crime. His family has the resources of a billionaire, his friends are superheroes who can fly and run faster than the speed of light, and it's not like he throws away his phone/communicator...he is not even slightly out of reach so he’s not really running away from his friends/family...and oftentimes he ends up confronting the problems he was supposedly running away from regardless of his physical location. And the JLA has a teleporter. He can be anywhere he needs to be in an instant, so why does he need to stay in one spot? I don’t really see him living on the move as him running away.

And I don’t read as much about Roy I admit, so I won’t be able to give as many specific examples, but it seems to be a similar thing with him too. After Roy’s father died, he was raised by Brave Bow. And then Brave Bow died, and he was raised by Ollie. It seems to me that his early life had little stability; he was passed from one person to the next and was always having to adjust to drastically different ways of life. In addition, a lot of his formative years were spent with the Navajo—a semi nomadic people. Roy’s Navajo upbringing very much influenced his outlook on life, so it would not be a surprise that he picked up their mindset of living somewhat on the move as well. And after spending his youth in flux, it really doesn’t surprise me at all that Roy isn’t tied down to places or jobs. Roy just wasn’t raised with a way of life that prioritizes settling down in one location, and for the most part he didn’t really have a choice but to move from one life to the next. But I don’t think any of that is representative of having commitment issues. Roy is very committed to Lian, as you mentioned, but even before that he was pretty much willing to do anything for the Titans. He has a really close relationship with Canary. And even in instances where I feel like Roy would be justified in “running away” or taking a step back, Roy usually attempts to preserve and repair his relationships, like with Ollie and Jade. Even after Ollie responded poorly upon discovering his addiction, Roy still eventually reconciled with him, and Roy tries to have a relationship with Jade despite all the difficulties that come with that: 

I know that characters sometimes accuse Dick and Roy as having issues with commitment, and I can see where you are coming from anon, but I just don’t really think that they do when you look at the majority of the actions they take lmao. You mention issues with abandonment? I can see that more, considering that Bruce has fired Dick twice before for making mistakes (once with Two Face and the other time with Joker) and Ollie has canonically neglected his relationship Roy in the past, instead focusing on his love life. Really, I think the greater underlying issue for both of these characters is the fact that they both have pretty low self-esteem and don’t want to be a burden to those they love. But that is really a whole other post, this one is already too long! 

To summarize, in my opinion, Dick is someone who lives for connection, and someone who is incredibly dedicated and loyal to his friends and family. He has known that he wanted to be a hero since he was a kid, and he has remained committed to that goal for basically the entirety of his life. Similarly, Roy is very dedicated to his family and friends, and is willing to go to incredible lengths for the people important to him. He values his relationships enough to forgive almost anything. Neither of these characters strike me as people who have troubles committing to things; they strike me as characters who commit to causes and people with everything they’ve got. 

Thanks for telling me your perspective anon! You gave me a lot to think about.

EDIT: thanks @milfzatannazatara for the clarification about Roy! Ollie technically didn’t kick Roy out of the house, since he was an adult and had already moved out. 

[arizonaconservativegal]

First of all, thanks for replying. And thanks to the people in the notes who followed up, as well. In terms of interests, while I would love someone who shares a lot of them, I really only have one that's necessary. As an aspiring game developer, games are my art form, especially the world building and the mechanics and systems in place. I want someone who shares this love, who I can bond over with. Anything else would just be icing on the cake. In terms of appearance, I'd prefer if she were shorter than me by a good amount, ideally at or below 5' 6" but I'm fine as long as she's not above like 5' 10". I'm not the leanest person myself, I've got a little belly, but I'm working on it and slowly losing weight. I don't mind if she's a little chubby either, but if she's really fat I just can't go with that. I'm probably a little hypocritical here as I'd obviously prefer someone who's in shape, but I can find some heavier women attractive as long as they're short and feminine. I dislike body modifications, and would prefer someone without any, but I could deal with a few small tattoos and a few piercings, as long as they're not gauges or septum piercings. And obviously she needs to want kids (but not have any), needs to be not a full-on leftist (I'm fine with a centrist, conservative, or ideally a libertarian), and just have a nice personality that gels with mine. I tend to be a pretty low-key, somewhat boring person, and have trouble dealing with people who have "big" personalities. I find that at my age, it's hard to find someone who wants kids but doesn't have any, and who likes games but isn't butch or seriously fat or really punk or whatever. Those are pretty much my lines in the sand, appearance and personality-wise. Do I have too many of them? Are there things I should care less about? As I said, I've never been in a relationship, so I really don't know what's important and what's not. I'm just basing what I want on what I personally prefer.

And I know what I need to do to become more attractive, myself. Lose some weight, get a better job, move out. Is there anything else I need to do, and what should I prioritize? Right now I'm thinking about trying for a raise at work, but I'm also worried it'll put me over the pay limit for subsidized healthcare, and I've got a lot of health problems that are out of my control. I'd need to jump to a job with actual benefits to make it really worth it, so it'll be hard just moving up gradually.

And finally, just because I'm spilling everything out here anyway, there's a girl at work who recently broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years who I've been becoming quite friendly with. She's always enjoyable to talk to, and she seems to like me at least as a friend. However she's not got a lot in common with me. There's a guy who clearly likes her, and she has a friend that's probably into her, and I knew her ex and they all have a similar look that's very different to me. I think she also tends to go for "bad boys" and I'm definitely not one of them. She recently asked about my interests and stuff kind of probing more deeply, but since I basically haven't had any friends for years I don't know if that's just what's normal or if she's actually a little bit interested in me. Honestly I'm not sure what to do or if I should even do anything. She's basically a normie and I'm borderline autistic. I'm not used to anyone actually being interested in anything about me and I don't know how to tell one kind of "interest" from another. And considering she's a coworker and I enjoy her company, I don't want to fuck anything up. What do I do?

Ok there's a lot to unpack here...

First of all, I'm not going to be that person who tells you looks don't matter because let's all be honest here for a second, they do and anyone who says otherwise is lying for internet morality points. Obviously if you're going to date someone, you need to not be repulsed by their physical appearance.

But. Looks are not the most important thing and they're also not permanent. Plus in my experience, the more you get to know someone, the more attractive they become to you because you just see people differently when you love them. So don't worry so much about finding the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, or being the most handsome guy she's ever seen. When it's right, that stuff will handle itself.

(Also, I'm not saying you did this, but if you put all that in your online dating profile, please delete it immediately because it will scare women off if it's public and even if it's just for the algorithm, you're probably losing a lot of potentially good matches by being too specific)

I would think a little more about personality. It can be a lot harder to define that than appearance, but that's the part of her that you're going to really fall for. What does "big" personality mean to you? Does that mean just being loud, or is it a certain kind of humor, or just being extroverted or outgoing? Think a little about the people you enjoy spending time with and figure out what it is about them that makes you want to be around them. Interests are a good starting point, but try to think about what drives those interests and how they express them.

And think about you too. How would you describe yourself? I'd guess with your interest in game development, you probably have a big imagination and attention to detail, yeah? Do you have a dry sense of humor, maybe? Are you a patient person? Do you prefer to be busy or to take it easy? When you get stressed out, what calms you down? What are your values in life?

Think about what kind of person complements all that. Remember you're looking for a partner, someone to build a life with. That means the two of you have to make a good team. You'll bring out the best in each other and compensate for each other's weaknesses.

As for the changes you think you need to make, I'm going to let you in a little secret about women: there is nothing sexier to us than a guy who has his shit together. And that doesn't mean you need a fancy law degree and a six figure office job and a mortgage. It means knowing who you are and what you want and be working a clear, realistic plan to get there.

So yes, everything you mentioned is probably a good idea because it sounds like that will help you have more confidence and get on more solid ground with your life and future. But as for what you should do first, just focus on what is best for you, not for some hypothetical future wife you haven't met yet. It sounds to me like you've still got some healing to do and that needs to be your priority.

But when you're ready, the only thing to do is start talking to people and go on lots of dates that will mostly go nowhere. That's okay. The point is to meet girls and see if there's enough there for a second date, then maybe a third, and so on. You're not looking for something that's perfect right away. You're just looking for a starting point to build something more from.

In your case, yes, you probably do need to find a girl who at least has some interest in video games. It's going to be too much of your life for her to not at least be willing to indulge you when you want to talk about the game you're working on. I would guess that there are a lot of girls in "nerd" category who maybe don't know much about video games but would be interested if someone they cared about wanted to show them. Or if you really want to start off with just a pool of people who are as interested in game development as you, I'd hazard a guess that there are conventions or online forums on the subject. Maybe check out some of those and just start talking to people. Maybe it goes nowhere. Maybe you make a new friend. Maybe more. Who knows?

As for the girl at work, I think you're setting yourself up to get hurt. Girls who go for bad boys don't usually change their habits easily. She may be interested in you because you're not like her ex and she's trying to try something different, but that doesn't usually last. It isn't that you're doing anything wrong, it really is just how girls like that are. And it doesn't make any sense but it's how it is.

In general though, if you're getting to know a girl and you're not sure if she's looking for a friend or a boyfriend, it's okay to ask. Don't be creepy about it or anything, but it's okay to say something like "I just want to make sure I'm not reading too much into this." And be prepared to drop it if she says she just wants to be friends.

(Also my rule for dating coworkers is this: if it's a job you plan to stay at long term and you work closely together, the answer is no. If it's more of a temporary thing or you really only pass her in the hall once a week, that's probably okay as long as your company doesn't have some policy against it)

Bottom line, you're overthinking this. Love isn't logical. You can make all the plans and checklists in the world and none of them matter because that's just not how it works. Trust me, if it was, I'd be married by now too.

All you can really do is be the best version of yourself for you, meet a bunch of people, probably get your heart broken a couple of times along the way, and eventually you'll find someone who makes it all worth it.

-

As a side note, are you in a good church? If you're a person of faith at all (and I'm an atheist, so no judgement if you're not), I think having a community like that around you would be good for you right now.

[seyaryminamoto]

What is something Sokka only ever did and does with and for Azula? I'm not talking about his love but an act. The hairdoing question was because I like the first time he does Azulas hair lots It is a particular thing and the imagination him only doing Azulas hair is individual. I did not ask because of jealousy rather of particularity. I can't find anything he only did does for with Azula

... Right. So, in about 200 chapters worth of story, you haven’t seen anything Sokka has exclusively done for Azula? I... do advise you read more closely. But if you don’t want to...

Represents her as her personal fighter, at first because of their deal, after their relationship blooms he does it because he’s 100% devoted to her in every way that counts. To him, their bond is one of a kind and he does his best to grow stronger so he can continue to fight with and for her, so she may be granted all the respect she deserves. He outright rejects being sponsored by anyone but her, and even when they had no choice but to have Zuko sponsoring him (chapter 56), Sokka said it wasn’t the same because he wanted HER. So her role as her sponsor is one of a kind for him, and he absolutely would never have that kind of bond with anyone else.

Protects her with his body whenever they’re falling off places, something Azula has remarked on more than once. He takes the worst of the impact every time, shielding her however he can. To this day, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t done that with anyone else? (chapter 38, chapter 77).

He opened up to her when he was troubled (chapter 50), sharing some of his innermost turmoil and suffering, letting her help him when he usually would rather not burden anyone else with what plagues him. Further proof of how deeply he trusts her, enough to start putting aside his bad habit of bottling up his troubles for her.

Refused an opportunity to go home AND reconnect with the first person he truly felt comfortable with in the FIre Nation (Piandao), choosing to stay by Azula’s side instead and protect her from people who would most likely harm her (chapter 54).

Nearly killed two gladiators whose sponsors were attempting to marry Azula against her will (chapter 70, chapter 169).

Put aside every shred of his dignity and accepted all punishments Azula forced on him, enduring everything because he thought he deserved it for wronging her (the ENTIRE Rough Rhinos arc).

Gave her the better portions of food during their accidental trip through the forest (again, Rough Rhinos arc) AND saves food for her (chapter 124), meaning, prioritizing her needs over his own. We all KNOW how much Sokka loves food, Azula more than anyone, and the implications of him not eating so she could have more were pretty clear regarding how much she means to him, as far as I can tell.

Cooked for her, sometimes to catastrophic results, but he still tried :’D (chapter 131, chapter 151 to a fault).

Writes haiku for her, and it’s SPECIFICALLY STATED that he only manages to complete proper poems whenever he’s writing about her, as everything else he writes he leaves incomplete or adds too many syllables (chapter 38, chapter 104).

Controls his strongest impulses very often when it comes to physical affection throughout Part 1 (namely in Ember Island and Giving In arcs), always privileging her needs above his own. He’s willing to stop before outright penetrative sex in chapter 97, for Azula’s benefit, and only goes for it when she directly asks him to. Her comfort and happiness are the priority, not his own.

Embarrasses himself willingly just to make her laugh (I’m sure there are many possible examples of this, but right now I can’t find them, but I found one instance of it in chapter 130, at least).

Challenged a nobleman (Kuan) for behaving disrespectfully towards Azula, by dismissing her interests and choices, yet Sokka restrained himself when Azula demanded it of him (chapter 36) and accepted the punishment Kuan forced on him without further protest or causing any more trouble for Azula.

Looked after her when she was sick, no matter if she was really mad at him at the time (White Lotus Attack arc).

Cheered her up after the first ball in the Festivals, after listening to her personal plight with Admiral Zhao (chapter 94)

Offered to teach basic swordsmanship to a kid so that the kid’s father would be on good terms with Azula, helping her craft stronger political allies (chapter 133).

Defends Azula constantly before anyone who may try to undermine or insult her (outright punched Zuko for saying thoughtless things about his sister in chapter 64, lashed out at Iroh for talking shit about her in chapter 95, attacked Rhone as soon as he spoke against Azula in 114 and threatened him in 160).

Comforts her often whenever she’s troubled, especially in matters pertaining her parents and the unpleasant strife they’ve caused her, both in the past and in current times (Ember Island arc, The Fire Nation Festivals arc, The Fire Lord’s Shadow arc). He’s also not judgmental, doesn’t tell her what to think, he mainly listens and helps her deal with her conflicted feelings.

Gladly agrees to change their original deal so he can stay with Azula for good instead of returning to his family, as he intended (chapter 107, Whaletail Island arc).

CRAFTED A BETROTHAL NECKLACE FOR HER??? :’) (chapter 131)

MARRIED HER. TWICE (Return to Shu Jing arc). I mean... really. The very logic of marriage says it’s something absolutely special you don’t do with just ANYONE? And they certainly live by that logic, completely. That something so obviously unique to his relationship with her happened so recently and yet you still sent this ask is... weird to me. Very weird.

In a slightly more intimate note: Sokka has never slept through the night with anyone but Azula. He has never woken up with someone beside him other than Azula. She’s literally the only one he’s ever done that with, and the only one he ever wants to do it with. Started in chapter 64, has happened many, many times since.

Endeavors to become a better painter because she inspired him to keep trying. They’ll start making collaborative art together starting in chapter 201 :’) and in 221 they will make a veeeery special artwork that’s basically their masterpiece.

Climbed a volcano to find a flower to give to her as a token of everlasting love? (chapter 125) :’D 

Nearly died at the hands of Jeong Jeong’s schemes all be it to stay loyal to Azula (also chapter 125).

Got her a Fire Lily in the Festivals, something no one else had ever done for her, cultural connotations of it demand I single this out because it’s a big deal in the Fire Nation, he’s never done that for anyone else and never will (chapter 146).

Constantly asks for her lychee wine, her favorite drink, whenever they go places. The fact that Azula’s heart seems to grow twenty sizes every time he goes out of his way to find her perfect drink should be pretty telling...?

Overworked himself to make her dragon’s perfect armor as a birthday gift for her (Azula’s birthday arc), then still managed to win a fight for her sake despite his body was in bad shape.

Told her being without her feels like sleepwalking through life, waiting until she’s around again so he can wake up and feel like himself once more (chapter 86).

Offered his services and support in helping in the fulfillment Azula’s dream of offering women in the Fire Nation bigger opportunities and roles to make a difference in the world, by training the Enforcers in swordsmanship (Whaletail Island arc).

Accompanied Azula throughout her investigation in The Fire Lord’s Shadow arc, offering her all the support he could in that endeavor, day and night if need be, no matter how dangerous things got he was always there with her.

Trusted Azula so much he allowed her to BEND THROUGH HIM :’) I can guarantee that there’s no way anyone else can do that with Sokka other than Azula.

Sneaks out of his house, or his cabin, to spend nights with her whenever they can afford to, seen all throughout Part 2.

Changed his entire worldview to understand hers, just as she changed hers to understand his. Developed genuine empathy with someone who should have been his enemy, and saw through her to understand her humanity, something NO ONE BUT HIM had done before, and something he’s certainly not willing to do for many people he started out hating, or that he hated at any point in time (literally seen all through the story).

So... 33 items not enough yet, I wonder? Then stick around. The last arcs of Part 2 pack more than a few punches and many unique Sokkla interactions and situations that MIGHT just serve for you to finally see that their bond is actually one of a kind? Despite I’m pretty sure the story that already has been published proves it completely already... but I guess you may have gone too long witthout reading it in full detail? Eh, whatever the reason may be, you can see for yourself there’s a ton of unique things Sokka and Azula have only done with each other.

[thatapplelookslikeme]

DEARDESCENDANTS’ 12 DAYS OF HOLIDAYS

Day 1: mistletoe

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 3,830

hey lol i decided to do this 12 hours ago and spent most of last night writing this with minimal editing so yeeeeehaaawwwww. sry for any mistakes, i’m sure there’s lots and this is my first time writing in awhile so i hope it isn’t horrible :( but if it is just tell me and i’ll never write anything ever again lmao. this wasn’t planned v well and there’s prob a lot in here that doesn’t relate to the actual storyline but that’s fine probably idk

basically: carlos and jay are stubborn, evie plays matchmaker, jaylos, malvie, yeehaw

After arriving in Auradon, Evie was the first to use the word love with her friends. Of course she loved them, they were her family, they protected her, they cared for each other. She didn’t know there was a word to describe that until she arrived in Auradon but once she heard it, it just made sense. The day Evie decided this was the best way to describe her feelings, she bursted into the boys’ room and said, “I love you guys so much!” with so much excitement. She expected a celebration, she expected the other three to be happy to hear this. This was expecting a lot, considering they grew up on the isle, and they weren’t as welcoming to new experiences as Evie was.

Carlos was the first to respond. It took him a minute before he could understand what was said and what it meant, but once he did, he was almost running to Evie with excitement. He pulled her into the tightest hug and thought if he could live in that moment forever, with somebody willing to show their love to him, he would. After being so deprived of this for years, he felt like this is the best possible thing that could happen to him. He wanted to bottle up Evie’s words just in case she wanted to take them back. Carlos wanted to make sure nobody could take this away from him. He wanted to make sure nobody would take his family away from him.

Mal and Jay, however, were not so open to this. Yeah, they cared about their friends, and yeah they would choose them over anything, and yeah they might be willing to die for their happiness… but that wasn’t love. No. There’s no way that was love, because love would mean they’re weak. And if there’s one thing those two aren’t, it’s weak.

Mal came around after a few days. After she saw how happy Evie and Carlos were after expressing their feelings, she thought she might as well give it a try. It felt nice, but not nice enough to go around saying it as much as Evie and Carlos. It was like every other sentence that came out of either of their mouths had the word love in it. For Mal, the word love was for special occasions only. Not everyday use like the other two seem to think.

Jay wasn’t emotionless. Just because he couldn’t say that word didn’t mean he didn’t care about his friends. He didn’t show his affection with words. He showed his love with protection. Protection from what? Protection from all of Auradon thinking these isle kids were weak running around yelling about love all day. If they wanted to be taken seriously, they were going to need to stop. But when he saw how happy Evie and Carlos, and even Mal sometimes, were, he couldn’t help but keep his mouth shut. If he got to see the people he l-... cared about being happy, then he’d suffer through it.

The other three knew Jay wasn’t emotionless, because, come on, it’s Jay. It’s their Jay, and he loves them even if he doesn’t say it. But Evie knew how Jay felt, because she doesn’t need to hear any words come from his mouth to explain his feelings when she sees the way he looks at them.

Of course Evie noticed the way Jay smiled when he saw Carlos basically jump into Evie arms every time she told him that she loved him. Of course Evie noticed the way Jay couldn’t pay attention to anything but Carlos’ mouth on the cap of his pen when the four of them were studying together. Of course Evie noticed when Jay would steer the conversation toward Carlos’ latest science endeavors. Of course Evie noticed the way Jay just smiled at Carlos like he was the only thing in the world that mattered when he babbled on about things Jay would never understand. 

And of course Evie noticed the way Jay would try to compose himself after meeting her eyes. The way he would advert his eyes and look at anything but the blue haired girl staring back at him. Evie understood things without needing words to explain them, Evie just got it. Evie was the only one that knew about Jay’s feelings for Carlos, and if he had any say in it, she wouldn’t know either. But she already does, and he’d like to keep it just between them.

Jay wasn’t the only one that had a routine. While Jay made a routine of staring and all but drooling over Carlos, Carlos made a routine of finding every possible way to spend more time with Jay. Evie noticed this too, of course, because she gets it. She noticed Carlos spending extra time at the library on Friday nights so he could finish all his homework before going to Jay’s tourney games on Saturday mornings. She noticed Carlos hanging around Jay’s locker between classes just to talk to the other boy, even if it meant risking being late to his next class (which was a big deal for Carlos).

~

“You can’t tell him,” Carlos had told Evie one day after school.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said trying to act as if she didn’t just walk up on Carlos staring across the courtyard. Evie knew exactly what he found so interesting over there. Evie knew that there was only one thing that could make Carlos completely stop in his tracks on the way to the library. She knew how important it was for Carlos to keep his education as his number one priority. She also knew there was one person who could make him completely forget he even had an education to prioritize. “Are you gonna stand here drooling all day?” She asked when she realized Carlos either didn’t hear her comment or was too focused on Jay laughing on the other side of the courtyard to respond.

“I’m gonna tell him one day,” Carlos said after a few moments of fidgeting with his fingers and avoiding meeting Evie’s eyes with his own. “But right now, I can’t put myself in a position to be rejected. Maybe in 15 years when we’re both married I’ll just casually be like ‘Hey, remember high school? Wild that I had a crush on you the whole time,’ and then when he tells me that’s gross I’ll act like it’s a joke and we’ll both live our separate lives happily ever after.”

Evie knew she shouldn’t tell Carlos that Jay felt the same way he did. One, because it wasn’t her secret to tell. And two, because Carlos would never believe her anyway. He was the polar opposite of Jay, he wore every emotion on his sleeve, he wouldn’t try to hide anything. Whether or not Jay noticed or not was a different story. But to anybody that knew what they were looking for, it was obvious. Carlos and Jay loved each other and neither of them could say it. From then on, if Evie noticed Carlos staring at Jay, she would just smile at him and continue on with her day.

~

“Hey guys, have you seen Evie yet?” Mal asked as she sat her tray down across from Jay and Carlos at their usual table outside under the trees. The liked being secluded from everyone else sometimes. Although they were starting to adjust to Auradon, they were still isle kids, and being around preppy Auradon kids all day would probably drive them crazy if they didn’t have times like this everyday to just be with each other.

“Not since this morning,” Carlos said while continuing to pick at his food.

Another ten minutes passed before Evie came running up behind Mal. “Guys! Guess what!” She yelled excitedly, slowing herself so she didn’t run into the table. As soon as Mal turned her head to see what the blue haired girl was so excited about, Evie had one hand on her cheek and their lips were connected.

They all knew Evie was confident, and her little crush on Mal wasn’t exactly a secret, but this was bold even for her. Before any of them had time to say anything, Evie pulled away and held out some leaves in front of them. “It’s called mistletoe! I guess in Auradon they have this tradition,” she took a deep breath before continuing her fast paced talking, “and if you stand under this with someone, you have to kiss them.”

Audrey had told Evie about the tradition on her way to lunch, and she figured it would be the perfect plan to get the boys to admit their feelings for each other. She followed Audrey to her locker where she gave her a little box with some mistletoe in it, then sprinted to the other three.

After a moment of waiting for somebody to respond, Jay finally said “So, knowing this, you decided to hold it up over Mal?”

“Well, I mean… it wasn’t my plan. She just happened to be sitting there and… I’m sorry, Mal.” Evie frowned when she saw the purple haired girl still sitting there frozen, as if she was in shock. She looked back at the boys sitting across from her and held the mistletoe out to them, “Maybe you two should try it.”

“No way,” Carlos said, pushing her hand away from them. “You know Jay isn’t into that.” If Jay wasn’t watching him he’d probably glare at her for her obvious attempt to get them together.

The four of them sat in silence for the rest of the lunch period. Evie sat and thought of other ways to get these two together. They were so stubborn, she was going to have to try really hard.

~

As Evie slides the keys out of the back pocket of Jay’s bag, she smiles to herself. Realizing how comfortable Jay is in Auradon makes her chest feel all warm and fuzzy. He deserved to not have to look over his shoulder every second, he deserved to love and be loved. Too bad Evie was in the middle of stealing, or more like borrowing without asking. If they had been on the isle, Jay would’ve already had a fist around her neck, ready to make her regret trying to steal from the prince of thieves. But he doesn’t even flinch, she might as well not even be there. Jay continues talking to Carlos as she zips his bag back up and walks away toward the boys’ room before either of them notice her.

Evie feels bad about taking things from Jay without asking, even if it’s for the greater good. Well, the greater good of Jay and Carlos. The four of them have been in Auradon less than a year and she’s already adjusted to their standards. Which includes feeling guilty, something she never felt back on the isle. She has to remind herself multiple times on the way to their room that this is for good and it’s okay for her to do this because if she didn’t, she would be waiting forever for one of them to make a move.

~

Evie cracked the door open a little to make sure nobody was secretly hiding in the boys’ room before letting herself in and closing the door behind her as quietly as she could. She dropped her bag onto Carlos’ neatly made bed and put the stolen key in the front pocket, making a note to not forget to sneak it back into Jay’s bag before he headed back to the room after tourney practice. She knew Jay wouldn’t be done at tourney practice for a few more hours. And since she was in the same science class, she knew Carlos was worried about studying for the test they had tomorrow. The chances of him leaving the library before 9 pm when they forced everybody out were slim to none. Still, she moved as quickly as possible just to make sure she wouldn’t get caught.

She pulled out the box with the mistletoe in it from the bottom of her bag. She got a piece of tape from Carlos’ tape dispenser and used his desk chair to raise herself up high enough to tape the stem of the mistletoe to the ceiling above the desk. Now she just had to hope neither boy noticed it before tomorrow afternoon when the four planned to study together in the boys’ room.

She gathered her bag and opened the door just to check that neither of the boys were on their way back to their room early. She didn’t have a plan for if she did see one of them, but thankfully the hallway was empty so she didn’t have to worry about that. Closing the door and making sure she locked it behind her, Evie made her way toward the tourney field.

~

Getting the key back into Jay’s bag was easy. There was nobody near the locker rooms, so she just walked right in. His bag was sitting on one of the benches and it took less than a minute to slip the key back into the front pocket of the bag and walk out, heading back to her own room.

One the walk back to her room, Evie couldn’t help thinking about her kiss with Mal. It was short but her lips were so soft. It was almost like Evie could still feel them on her own. It was everything Evie expected it to be and more.

She hadn’t planned on kissing her today. If she had, she would’ve had something better planned. As soon as Audrey told her about mistletoe, it seemed like the perfect way to get Jay and Carlos together and her mind went into full autopilot.

Soon enough, she was back to her room. Mal didn’t say anything after she kissed her at lunch, and she was busy with her master plan after school so they hadn’t seen each other since. Now that she’s had enough time to process, she’s worried that Mal will be mad, or grossed out, or both, and never look at her the same way again.

Knowing that she’ll never be prepared for any of that, Evie sighed and pushed the door open. Better to get this over with than to wait in the hallway forever.

She was surprised when Mal looked up from her laptop and smiled. She immediately stood up and started walking toward Evie. She shut the door behind her and gave a confused look right before she was pulled into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here, I was worried you were going to be mad at me after I didn’t say anything to you at lunch. I guess I just needed to process that actually happened and the most beautiful girl in the world actually kissed me. And after school when you didn’t come right back I was worried that you were avoiding me and that you wouldn’t want to-”

Mal was speaking faster than Evie could process all at once. Evie was just now process her first statement and interrupted her, “What do you mean? Everybody knows I’ve liked you forever.”

“Well, I know Jay and Carlos always talk about it, but I thought the were just joking. I didn’t think they actually meant it when they said you liked me.”

“Does that mean you like me too?”

Mal just smiled up at her and said, “I got you a present.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Look up.” Evie looked up and noticed the mistletoe hanging above the door. Before she could say anything, she was being pulled down into a kiss. This was even better than the first one. Slower, so Evie had more time to take it all in.

She laughed as they pulled away and looked back up at the mistletoe. “I guess we’ll just have to remember to take that down before we let anybody else in.”

Mal laughed with her before meeting her eyes with a more serious look. “I love you, Evie.”

~

Carlos dropped his bag on the floor by his desk and fell backwards onto his bed, squeezing his eyes shut. It felt good to just lay there in silence after such a long day. It felt as if he hadn’t slept in 12 years. He knew he couldn’t stay there for long because Jay would be returning from practice soon and as wonderful of a sight Jay is after practice, Carlos didn’t have time for staring and daydreams tonight. He had to shower and be asleep before Jay got back if he had any chance of getting enough sleep before his test tomorrow. 

He sighed and opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. He was exhausted and getting up for a shower was the last thing he wanted to do right now. 

He went to sit up, deciding if he didn’t shower now, he’d have to do it in the morning and that sounded absolutely terrible. As he was sitting up, he spotted something hanging above his desk. Realizing what it was, he stared at it with a confused look on his face. It was like he was waiting for the plant to grow a mouth and start talking and explain how it got there.

There was no way in hell that had been there before. Carlos is not the type to overlook things. He’s in this room everyday and knows everything that’s in here and where it all is. So if Carlos didn’t hang that mistletoe from the ceiling, and Jay was the only other person that had a key to the room, then…

Carlos shot up and almost ran to the bathroom. Suddenly full of all the energy in the world, he showered in record time and put on his pyjamas. Jay wouldn’t care what he was wearing, right? He sat at his desk and waited patiently for Jay to return. A couple of long minutes later, Carlos heard the lock turn and Jay entered the room. He closed the door behind him quietly and turned around, surprised to see Carlos awake when he was usually asleep by the time Jay returned. His face was lit by a small light on the corner of his desk.

“Damn, he’s so beautiful.” Jay thought to himself. He had to distract himself to keep him from staring. Putting his school bag and tourney bag down he turned away from Carlos. “Hey man, I thought you would be asleep by now. Don’t you have a big test tomorrow?” Jay asked as he gathered his pyjamas, ready to wash off the sweat and dirt from practice.

Carlos was surprised by the question, expecting something completely different to come out of Jay’s mouth. “Oh, I do,” he paused. “But I feel like I’m prepared enough, and I don’t feel super tired yet.” He looked across the room at Jay with hope in his eyes.

“That’s cool. Listen, I’m exhausted so I’m gonna go shower and probably pass out not long after that. I don’t care if you stay up, just try not to make too much noise,” Jay said already on his way to the bathroom.

“Oh, okay,” Carlos thought to himself, but his mouth couldn’t form any words. When the bathroom door shut, he looked up at the mistletoe still hanging from the ceiling above him before turning off his desk light and climbing into bed. He wouldn’t have to worry about being too loud, because he was asleep before Jay would out of the shower.

~

The next afternoon, the four sat in the boys’ room studying. They’d been doing a lot of that recently with exams coming up. Mal sat on Jay’s bed with her laptop in front of her, Carlos at his desk writing in his notebook, and Evie and Jay next to each other on the floor with textbooks in their laps.

“Hey, could you give this to Carlos?” Evie asked as she handed a stack of papers to Jay.

“Why do I have to do it? Get up and do it yourself,” Jay said pushing the papers back to her.

“You’re closer.”

“Not close enough to not have to stand up and walk over there. Just do it yourself, I’m busy.”

Carlos turned his chair. Knowing the were both too stubborn to do it, he decided to go get the papers himself just to make them shut up. He grabbed the papers from Evie’s hand and a pink note card fell out from between them. He picked it up and looked at it, “Kiss him,” it read.

Carlos looked down at Evie and she pointed up. He followed her finger with his eyes and noticed the mistletoe again. He looked back down at her with his mouth open, realizing what she had done. He wasn’t sure how she did it, but he knows this was all her doing. He crumpled the note card and threw it at her leg, ready to argue back at whatever was about to come out of her mouth. He realized his mistake when he saw Jay reaching for the crumpled note card, opening it up and reading it. He smiled at Evie, then up at Carlos, “You two are ridiculous.”

Carlos felt frozen, he couldn’t move if he wanted to. Jay knew now, and this was going to be the end of their friendship, and he was going to have to change his name and move far, far away, and he’d never see Mal and Evie again and he loved Mal and Evie. How was he going to live without them? He would have to-

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of Jay moving his textbook and standing up, just inches from Carlos. He looked down at the younger boy and smiled, “You know, if you wanted me to kiss you, you could’ve just said so.” He waited for the other boy to respond, and when he didn’t, he continued, “You thought I wouldn’t notice the mistletoe you put up? Or how you were waiting for me last night? I mean, we’re the only four people that ever come in here and I know for a fact you’re not into Mal or Evie. I would’ve kissed you last night but I knew you needed sleep before that test.”

Evie stood up, walking across the room and grabbing Mal’s arm, dragging her to the door. She winked at Carlos before shutting the door, leaving the two boys alone.

Jay laughed at how ridiculous Evie was being and looked back down at the other boy. When he realized he was going to have to make the first move or Carlos would stand there frozen forever, he put his hand on the younger boys cheek and leaned down, connecting their lips after so many years. It was soft and warm and perfect and everything Carlos had ever wanted.

“I love you, Carlos.”

[sweetteaanddragons]

Ancient History

Bruthir glared down at one of the small cakes his landlady had made in honor of the occasion and tried to ignore the sounds of jubilation in the street outside the alley he was sulking in. It was harder than it had been for the past few hours; the noise had swelled, first with music that had very nearly lulled him out, then with shouting once the music ended. A few people had run into his alley, looking around wildly, but they had left quickly enough when they had seen that there was nothing more interesting than him sitting on his barrel, glaring at his last cake. His curiosity had nearly provoked him into asking who or what they were looking for, but that would have required ending his sulk, and he still had several hours left in which to do that. That had been his deal with himself: today he could sulk, and tomorrow he would have to get back to work.

Not even today, though, could he ignore the cloaked man who came running into the alley via an even narrower one. The man’s face was shadowed, but his head turned frantically, and it froze in place when Bruthir came into its view.

“Don’t mind me,” he called glumly. “Unless you’re planning to set the whole city ablaze, I don’t much care what you’re running from.”

The figure relaxed and moved closer. “Nothing so bad as all that,” he said a bit hoarsely, and Bruthir got a glimpse of a harp under his cloak. “Merely a disappointed audience.” He hesitated. “And in the interest of complete honesty, possibly the city guard if they’ve decided I disturbed the peace.”

Bruthir was almost certain he was missing something, but he was even more certain he didn’t care. “Pull up a barrel then.” Sulking had started to feel a bit lonely, so when the man lingered in the shadows of the other alley, he lifted up his cake enticingly. “I’ll share my cake.”

The stranger laughed. “It has indeed been a very long time since I’ve had any cake. Thank you, I accept.”

Bruthir tore it in half and handed it over. “If only it was for another occasion.”

The stranger paused, and there was not so much an air of hesitance this time as tension. Bruthir gulped and resisted the urge to lean back.

“You don’t approve of the king’s marriage?”

The stranger’s hood had shifted, and Bruthir managed to catch a quick glimpse of sharp, gaunt features and the beginning of a pointed ear. In a moment it was gone, but it had been enough. Bruthir might be more accustomed to them in books than life, but he knew an elf when he saw one. This must be one of the ones that had come for Lady Arwen and the marriage, though he couldn’t imagine what the elf was doing this far from the main event. Regardless, the last thing he wanted was for this elf to carry back tales of discontent to the new royal couple.

“The king’s marriage is fine,” he said hastily. “He’s every right to marry whoever he likes, and I’m sure the Lady Arwen is an excellent choice.”

The elf was still regarding him silently. Apparently an explanation of his sullenness would be required.

He sighed. “It’s just made my thesis very awkward, that’s all. I’m probably going to have to start all over if I’m to have any hope of it being approved.”

“Your - thesis,” the elf said disbelievingly, but he had at least relaxed enough to take a bite of the cake.

“I want to be a scholar in the citadel,” he explained. “I’ve been studying for years. All that’s left is the thesis which has to be approved by my elders and - if it meets their approval - either the steward or the king. That last step is more of a formality than anything else really, everyone I’ve talked to has said that Denethor certainly never did more than give them a cursory glance, but at the very least they’ll surely read the title.”

“And the title is not complimentary towards elves?” the stranger asked. He seemed more amused than offended, thankfully.

“It’s not that,” he said. “It’s just . . . complicated.”

The elf took a seat on a nearby barrel and leaned back against the stone wall behind him. “Tell me about it,” he suggested. “Maybe I can help.”

Well, why not? Maybe he could. At the very least, he needed to get out one good rant.

“There’s been a lot written on the changing view of the elves in Numenor,” he began. “Quite naturally, as that view was generally tied to that of the Valar and thus was tied with the fall, a subject that continues to preoccupy many. I decided to focus on a more specific group of elves: those involved in the myths surrounding Sirion.”

The elf let out a strangled noise. “Myths?”

“Well, we know it was real, but exactly what happened has become rather obscured by time . . . “ His voice trailed off. “Although not for the elves, I suppose,” he said with fresh interest. “Did you know anyone who was there?”

“Yes,” the elf said shortly. Bruthir briefly wrestled with whether or not to pry before remembering that his thesis was useless now anyway and slumping down again.

“Elwing and Earendil held a special place as King Elros Tar-Minyatur’s parents, of course, but the Feanorians were also a subject of considerable fascination to the Numenoreans. By the end, all elves were scorned by all but the Faithful, and the Faithful had become a little uncomfortable with both groups since both had defied the Valar.”

“The Feanorians I can hardly argue, but surely Elwing and Earendil - ?”

“But they sailed,” Bruthir said, shaking his head. “And with both of them half-mortal too! It worked out for them in the end - or so we think, there’s some interesting subversive readings about exactly how literally we should take Earendil being a star - but they still sailed to the Undying Lands, the very thing the King’s Men wished to do. You can see why the Faithful didn’t wish to promote that tale.”

“I suppose so.”

“For those very reasons, in the transition period when the King’s Men didn’t take quite such a hard stance against elves, the Feanorians and the half-elven were treated as honorable exceptions for their defiance and, in the latter case, for their connection to mortality and their kinship with the first king. Later in that period, Earendil and Elwing were considered to have sold out to the Valar while the Feanorians lingered on as a symbol of defiance and the right to sail where people willed whether the Valar willed or no - Are you alright?”

The elf’s hooded head had fallen into his hands. “I’m fine,” he said, sounding rather muffled. “Keep going.”

“If you’re sure,” he said doubtfully. “Further back, there’s a much less complicated veneration of Earendil and Elwing and the Feanorians were less prominent except for those engaged in studies of history or who enjoyed the occasional tragedy at the theater.”

“Theater?” The elf asked, his voice a mix of interest and dread.

“We have a few surviving fragments,” Bruthir said, “though of course so much was lost that it’s hard to be sure of conclusions. We could be missing something critical. Which is what made the final section of my thesis so risky.” He ate a bite of cake despondently. “I was tracing it all backwards, you see, so the final section was on what King Elros himself thought.”

The elf’s head shot up so quickly his hood fell off. He really was quite gaunt. Dangerously so. He hadn’t thought elves suffered from scarcity. “And what did you conclude?”

“Well, that’s the interesting thing,” he said, getting caught up despite himself and leaning forward. “There’s almost nothing. Granted, it could have just been lost, but those early records were among those texts prioritized for salvation. We have plenty of scraps about the war, and those mention all of them, but in the praise poems and genealogies . . .  You’ll find some things about Gondolin, but very little about Doriath, and even less about anyone at all involved in Sirion. The one scrap we thought we did have is a letter where his daughter comments to a friend that a bard had sung of her grandparents and the Feanorians, and that the king had been ‘very much displeased, and not nearly so diplomatic as usual about it.’ Which is interesting, but hardly conclusive. Were they too flattering to parents he resented? Not flattering enough to parents he idolized? Too prone to glorifying his kidnappers? Too prone to vilifying the men who must have played a large part in his raising? Was it too accurate and raised up bad memories? Or was it all wrong and offensive for it?” He took a deep breath. “You see the problem.”

The other man slumped. “I do.”

“Then I made my discovery. Apparently, he was a bit of a musician himself, and on the back of a rather more historically significant document, I found what I’m almost sure are quickly sketched drafts of his own attempt to memorialize the events. He seemed very . . . frustrated. With both his failed attempts and with everyone involved in the actual event. But he also seemed very wistful. Fond, even.” He sighed. “So that was my conclusion. But while it’s one thing to present such a thing to a steward, and even an acceptable thing to present such a thing to the king about his far distant ancestor, it’s quite another to hand it off for review when it’s talking about the queen’s uncle. And her grandparents, for that matter.”

The elf swallowed hard. “Yes,” he said hoarsely. “Quite. She never met any of them, but I’m sure her father has told her much.” He looked away for a moment, and when he turned back, his face was more cheerful. “Perhaps if you dropped the parts about the far more controversial Feanorians and concentrated on her grandparents that would be better? You could add in something flattering about how they’re thought of now.”

“I’m not much good at flattery,” he said doubtfully, but hope was rising in him regardless. Perhaps not all his research would have to be thrown out.

“Turn it in as is,” another voice recommended. “I, for one, am very interested in reading it.”

Both of them spun to see that another elf had slipped in through of the mouth of the alley while they were distracted. Some strong emotion lurked almost hidden on his face. His splendid clothes opened Bruthir’s eyes to just how ragged his first companion’s were.

Said companion had gone very pale. “Elrond.” He dropped off his barrel and began to back away.

Elrond? Not - Surely not the Elrond that was the queen’s father -

“Don’t,” Elrond pleaded, reaching out a hand. “Please don’t run, Maglor. Not today of all days.”

Maglor. Not - 

Did you know someone at Sirion?

He had not asked that question of Maglor Feanorian. That was impossible. He was dead. Or wandering lost somewhere that wasn’t Gondor’s back alleyways.

But surely no one else would have chosen that name for their son?

Maglor, son of someone who was not Feanor, slumped and held up his hands in defeat. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble,” he said. “I am - very sorry to have disturbed you today. So very sorry. I only wanted to give a gift of song, even if your daughter wouldn’t hear it. I hadn’t realized I would draw such a crowd as to cause a disturbance, out of practice with performance as I am.”

Elrond was the first elf Bruthir had ever seen look exasperated. It was a very human expression on him. “Maglor, you remain the greatest bard the Noldor have ever produced. Of course you drew a crowd. A crowd that is now very disappointed at how you vanished when the city guard got lured in to listening, mind you.”

The greatest bard the Noldor had ever produced. 

So this was Maglor Feanorian.

He had just ranted to Maglor Feanorain about his place in the Numenorean imagination. Historical ecstasy hit self-preserving nausea and roiled unpleasantly.

“Someone mentioned the incident to Faramir. I was lucky enough to overhear,” Elrond continued. “And when I heard that a ragged elf had enchanted half the city with songs for the wedding . . . Well, it was either you or Daeron, and I liked my chances.”

Maglor’s head fell. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I should have realized my good intentions would still turn to the ill.”

“The ill?” Elrond laughed, and Bruthir abruptly realized that the hidden emotion was joy. “Today I have had to give away one family member to another, but I’ve found another at long last. Surely a small disturbance, already calmed, is worth that!” He stepped forward, and Bruthir half-expected Maglor to bolt, but he looked up with cautious hope instead.

“Elrond - “

Elrond was close enough to touch now. He held out a hand in entreaty. “Come back to the celebration with me,” he said. “Please. Arwen would surely like to hear your songs for herself, and Aragorn too. There’s no one here who will cause any trouble over it.”

Maglor hesitated. 

It seemed another push might be needed. Presumably that was why his mouth opened and said, without quite obtaining his consent, “You might as well go. I’m sure they’ll have better cake.”

That actually startled a laugh out of the Feanorian. “If you wish it then, Elrond,” he said quietly, clasping the outstretched hand.

Elrond’s answering smile was brilliant, and it turned grateful when he looked over to Bruthir. “You must come too, of course,” he said. “I really am quite interested in your research.”

Why not, Bruthir though blankly, his day had certainly been strange enough for it.

It would certainly be more interesting than sulking.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 2x12 Rubicon

This is a pivotal episode of season 2, in some ways the show as a whole, because it marks the beginning of the gradual destruction of Clarke Griffin’s moral certainty. She has been forced to make tough decisions, but up to this point, she had not crossed the line and done things that felt really morally wrong, such as sacrificing a number of innocent lives. But this show isn’t willing to spare its protagonist and give her easy ways out, and puts her in situations where she is faced with impossibly difficult choices, where she eventually starts doing things that chip away at her soul and make her more and more damaged. This is basically her arc in season 2, in particular. A reference to “crossing the Rubicon”, a fateful decision, feels appropriate: Clarke gets to choose between sticking to her old moral views, and doing everything to save those she cares about, and it’s the same choice she’ll keep on making.

Meanwhile, the Delinquents trapped in Mount Weather make a big decision of their own, to fight back against their captors/killers.

And in the Jaha/Murphy storyline, the B storyline of season 2, which continues separate from the main storyline until season 3, one of my favorite characters is introduced.

Rating: 9.5/10

I’ve always liked Emori. She’s a great example of a good female anti-hero, especially one that eventually gets real character development – something that the show has tried and failed to do with some other characters. It’s also nice to have such a character not be a stereotypical “badass chick with a sword who’s strong because she can fight the best”, but a manipulative, roguish thief (though there have been popular female characters like that in various shows from Star Trek: TNG to Firefly, it’s not so overused, especially recently, as the latter trope is, and Emori has more depth than those characters did). She’s also one of the show’s two major characters with disabilities, but hers was congenital rather than something that happened to her as an adult, as with Raven.  

I love the fact that the show didn’t go with the standard “bad man gets redeemed through the love of a good woman” arc for Murphy, but instead, had him change through love for a not-so-good woman. At first, it seemed it would go the former way, when Emori introduced herself as a damsel in distress and a sweet girl with a sad past, before putting a knife under Murphy’s throat and robbing the party, though she did help them reach their destination by whispering to him that they should go north. Which fits into this show’s tendency to create romance from negative interactions, but in comparison with some others, this one is not so bad.

It makes sense that this is who Murphy would fall for – someone who is a ruthless survivor and an outcast, more than he is. Or rather: Murphy, who likes to think of himself as the ultimate survivor, had a tragic childhood – like many on the Ark – but had an opportunity to be a part of a community with the Delinquents in season 1, and blew that chance – twice - due to his own negativity, tendency to antagonize people, and obsession with holding grudges and revenge. But Emori was an outcast since birth, due to her disability, which made her, in the harsh Grounder culture, a ‘freak’ that needs to be eradicated from the bloodline, as we learned earlier in the season. She’s known no protection or belonging, other to the criminal duo of herself and her brother. This is a difference that will matter in season 5: when she finally was given a chance to be accepted and valued as a part of a group, Emori was glad to accept it and learn, and she didn’t have the same insecurities that Murphy has, which made her more integrated into the group than he is able to be, because his issues are internal.

Murphy is at this point the character who gets the best lines (“Touch me and I’ll end you…In a non-violent way” - “Faith? No. I just got nothing better to do”), but he still has a long way to go until he gets actual redemption, because he’s still trying to justify his actions. (“I killed two people and tried to kill two more… I had my reasons, but nobody cared.” – Yeah, dude, everyone has reasons for what they do. Doesn’t mean they’re good.)

One of the things that struck me about season 2, and particularly in this episode, is the amazing cinematography with different color schemes: the desert scenes with Jaha, Murphy and the rest are full of a bright, blinding yellow, as opposed to the muted blue of the Quarantine and the vents in Mount Weather, while the other scenes have normal color balance and brighter colors.

In Mount Weather, the Mountain Men have started to drill and kill the kids. Cage and Emerson were apparently among the first to get treatments and be able to can walk outside, as did some other soldiers, like Whitman, the guy who performed the bombing of Tondc by navigating the missile and then picking up the survivors with a sniper in the following episode. It makes sense that guys who usually go outside on missions would be the first to get bone marrow treatments, while Cage took be the first or one of the first, and also forced one on his father. Dr. Tsing, unfortunately to herself, didn’t give herself one yet, probably thinking she had time, which had consequences in this same episode.

Bellamy meanwhile continues his mission by deciding to ask help from Dante, and manages to get it, though he wisely didn’t trust Dante enough to tell him who was helping him. He’s managed to get Jasper a gun, which allows Jasper to fight back, shoot a guard and save Monty again from being taken. Jasper has become sort of a leader of the Delinquents in their rebellion, thanks to his courage and determination to protect his friends, especially his best friend. Then other Delinquents start fighting with whatever they can to defend Jasper from being taken, before Bellamy irradiates Level 5, killing the present guards and Tsing. Tsing almost saves herself, by getting into another room, but Jasper stops her  from closing the door and lets her die of burns in front of him. It’s interesting that Jasper, when he shot the guard, looked like he was surprised by himself, even though he’s shot people before (Grounders on the bridge in S1) and that he was technically the one who killed about 300 Grounders with the ring of fire in the season 1 finale, but he hadn’t participated in close range fighting like that before or killed someone he could see. But just a few moments later, he was clearly enjoying his revenge over Tsing, sarcastically repeating her line “I want you to know you’re incredibly special to us”. Which I can’t hold against him, Tsing was terrible and I doubt there was anyone who didn’t enjoy her death.

But the most important parts of the episode are about Clarke. She and Raven are both on the edge, just as in the previous episode, and arguing a lot, waiting for another one of Bellamy’s regular calls. Any time he’s late with calling, they cannot be sure if he is still alive. The Clarke/Bellamy talk starts with a rare funny moment where the two of them sound like a married couple bickering (“You’re late!” – “Are you through?”), but things get serious very quick, as they learn from listening in to the Mountain Men channel both that the Delinquents are being drilled, and that the Mountain Men are about to bomb Tondc, where leaders of all the Grounder clans and Arkers are about to meet.

Clarke lies to Bellamy that Octavia is not in Tondc, in order not to distract him, but Raven later lets it slip in another talk with him that she is - something that will come during their confrontation in 3x05, when Bellamy will accuse her, among other things, of letting a bomb drop on his sister.

Now, the question is, what exactly was going through Clarke’s subconscious when she left to get to Tondc as soon as possible, and then went immediately to talk to Lexa. She certainly thought she should warn everyone and argued it to Lexa, and was shocked when Lexa, apparently cold as ice, started convincing her that they should leave and save themselves without telling anyone. But Lexa managed to convince her quickly by arguing that alerting people would blow Bellamy’s cover in Mount Weather, and ruin the entire mission and lose them the war – and telling her that she must have known that herself deep inside, or else she would have warned people immediately. Clarke seemed struck by the realization that she really must have felt that way – which may be why she later didn’t try to defend herself when Abby called her out on her actions (“You crossed the line”) and took responsibility, when Abby asked her to tell her it was all Lexa’s decision.

While trying to convince the insecure and confused Clarke, Lexa used the phrase “It’s our only choice”, which will pop up a few more times during the show. She also praised Clarke’s “strength”, telling her “You showed real strength today, don’t let emotions stop you now”. But I don’t think that’s really what happened, at all. The decision to let the bomb drop on all these people was a cold, rational one for Lexa, the kind she thought good leaders should make and that would help her win the war (and maybe also help her politically, by killing some other Grounder leaders), but for Clarke, it was all about protecting Bellamy and the Delinquents trapped in Mount Weather. Clarke started off with a strong belief in the value of human lives in general, she cares about everyone, and she tries to save everyone – but it’s hard not to prioritize the lives of people you care about over the lives of stranger. It’s a common, human thing to do– it’s hard to be perfectly impartially ethical, if your loved ones are at risk. And Clarke has been acting extremely worried, impulsive and driven by emotion – it was really obvious. I find it hard to believe that Lexa, who is very perceptive, didn’t notice that, so that line sounded like manipulation. It was as if she was validating Clarke’s choice by telling her it’s a sign she’s strong and a good leader, rather than panicking and struggling to protect her loved ones. And Clarke later makes the same choice when she is about to try to kill Whitman, but then gets distracted by seeing Abby, and gets focused on saving her mother instead, losing her the chance to stop the missile. (But in all the chaos, she forgot about Octavia… oops. Which both Octavia and Bellamy will hold against her. It’s not that Clarke doesn’t care about Octavia, but the fact is that she is not as important to her as Abby or Bellamy are.)

But either way, whether Lexa was manipulative or just imparting her views, and whether Clarke was already subconsciously feeling she would have to make that choice, this is where it became clear that, while Clarke may be able to have good influence in Lexa, Lexa’s influence and her advice certainly doesn’t bring out the best in Clarke. I think that their dynamic was very interesting, and very well-written in season 2, because Lexa was a “Shadow” character for Clarke - at the same time that Clarke found herself in the position of de facto sole leader of her people, and had to make tougher and more ruthless decisions, she met Lexa, the embodiment of darker traits of her character, upped to 11: as a young ruler who came to power as a child, she is both enormously privileged and has had a huge burden of responsibility, which made her isolated and emotionally repressed, and she believes in unquestioned, tyrannical rule, ruthlessness and treating people as expendable, if needed for the “big picture” (because this is what Grounder culture values and what Lexa has been taught to be like). Clarke is not quite like that, but she could be like that, and starts becoming more like it.

The difference is that Clarke is constantly questioning herself and always feels guilty over everything bad she does, while Lexa seems to have convinced herself that her actions are right and necessary and what a good leader should be, so she is not showing any remorse or doubt.

And this is why I knew after this episode that Lexa is never going to be one of my favorite characters. I kind of have a thing against leaders who let bombs drop on their own people when they could have saved them, and think it’s a great opportunity to use casualties for propaganda purposes, asking for revenge -something that Lexa actually argues in her conversation with Clarke. (It also has some unpleasant real world associations for me, which puts me off even more.) But I can forgive characters a lot when they show genuine remorse, so I still love Clarke, who didn’t make her decision in cold blood, and who is obviously deeply tormented and ashamed of what she has done.

The only part of this episode I’m not that keen on – which is why it doesn’t get a perfect 10 – is the resolution of Lincoln’s drug addiction storyline, because it’s a bit too easy and unrealistic. One moment, Lincoln, having relapsed, is again serving the Mountain Man like a Reaper and knocking out a Grounder to bring him to Mount Weather to get more of the “red” drug. The next, it’s enough for Octavia to punch him and basically tell him to man up (“Grounders don’t give up, we fight” – again with the whole “I am a Grounder” thing, which makes no sense) for him to be cured of his addiction? I don’t think that’s how it works.

Background info: Apparently, Mount Weather didn’t have to use missiles that often, because the last time they did it was before Lexa’s birth – over 20 years ago. It’s safe to say that they didn’t feel threatened by any armies the Grounders could have formed during that time.

Timeline: This episode starts 6 hours after the end of 2x11, and 2 days since 2x10 (that is long it’s been since Jaha left the camp, taking 12 people and 12 guns)

Body count: More people died in this episode than in any other one in season 2. (Unless we count off-screen deaths of Arkers from various stations that either died in the crash of the Ark, or were killed, including the deaths of people from the farm station killed by the Ice Nation – but we don’t even learn about the latter until season 3.)

3 Delinquents, killed and drilled for their bone marrow by Dr. Tsing, Cage and other Mountain Men. None of them were characters we knew by name, so the emotional effect was small. 48 Delinquents still survive (45 in Mount Weather + Clarke, Octavia and Murphy);

15 Mountain Men (though Cage said 11) –Tsing and 14 guards – from radiation poisoning on level 5, after Bellamy irradiated it (unless the guard Jasper shot was already dead before Level 5 was irradiated), but Jasper also caused Tsing’s death by not letting her close the door. This means they are 365 Mountain Men still alive.

About 250 people (we find that out in 2x14) – Grounders and Arkers – in Tondcc, from the missile strike, killed by the Mountain Men: specifically Cage, Emerson and Whitman, but Lexa and Clarke are indirectly responsible for letting it happen. No info on how many of the leaders of the 12 Grounder clans were killed, but Luna and Queen Nia obviously survived, though we don’t see them in 2x13, so it’s not clear if they were even there, or sent someone else on their behalf (or if Luna even responded to the invitation).

[bigskydreaming]

FRIENDS is such a perfect example for why I have no patience for saying its unrealistic or unreasonable to expect too much of shows in taking progressive stances. Or providing positive representation. Or that we should be grateful for whatever they DO give us in terms of so-called progressive depictions of PoC, LGBTQ+ persons or disabled individuals.

Because it was over twenty years ago at this point, and nothing has changed. Shows still do the exact same stunts and expect applause and a cookie for their token attempts at progressive actions, while turning around and doing 100x as much to perpetuate the status quo.

As an example, take Ross’ ex-wife, Susan. She was gay, and had a girlfriend who raised her son as equal parents and with Ross co-parenting as well. Great, right? They were consistent presences throughout most of the ten seasons of the show, and even got married in one of the earlier seasons. Their wedding was the focal point of an entire episode, with rave reviews and buzz around that episode and how much it did for gay rights and to promote positivity towards LGBTQ+ people and issues. 

Again, great right? That’s a good thing, yeah? What’s the problem?

Well, nothing there. The problem is that IN ADDITION to this wedding episode and the recurring presence of Carol and Susan throughout the show.....the main characters made homophobic and transphobic jokes like EVERY DAMN EPISODE. Oh sure, I don’t think the writers thought of it that way, their own internal biases meant they wrote these jokes without a second thought and probably THOUGHT they were liberal, progressive, social conscious people and so were these characters they were writing....

But none of that changes the fact that these constant, incessant jokes at the expense of gay people and trans people and occasionally bisexuality and so on....they were still homophobic and transphobic and biphobic regardless! Carol and Susan’s partnership was treated as a punchline ten times as often as it was held up as something good and natural. Any time it came up in casual conversation and not because those characters were involved in a scene directly, it was never oh how great a couple they are or what good parents they are or anything even about THEM, it was almost always ‘lol isn’t it hilarious that Ross married a lesbian?’

And that’s not even TOUCHING the shit that was everything involving Chandler’s parents.

Like yeah, great, FRIENDS had one good, wholesome episode about a gay marriage. But I guarantee the way it dismissively and offensively references LGBTQ+ people and issues in every other way on the show, in every single season.....that made WAY more of an impact on audiences, and did far more to perpetuate and normalize such jokes and the views behind such jokes than their one token attempt to say ‘look how much we care about gay rights’ did in reverse.

But at any point in the twenty years since then, you try criticizing the show for being so blatantly and consistently homophobic and transphobic, and GUARANTEED you inevitably have people jumping all over that and pointing to Carol and Susan and their recurring appearances and their wedding episode while saying see?? SEE? How can Friends have been homophobic when look how much they did to show they care about gay people, look at this episode, everybody’s saying nice things about a gay wedding, where’s the homophobia huh? CHECKMATE.

And if you actually try arguing with that and pointing out that doesn’t negate all the other times they were offensive and used homophobic language and jokes and stereotypes.....what do you hear? ‘They did what they could, they had the studio to worry about and it was a different time back then.’ ‘These things take time, you can’t expect them to do everything perfectly, it has to start somewhere like with that wedding episode, that was a big step.’ ‘You’re never going to get perfect representation, you have to be realistic. They TRIED and that’s more than a lot of people do, doesn’t that matter?’ ’One step at a time. This was a good start.’

Any of this sound familiar? Sound like the same lines trotted out any time someone criticizes a current TV show or cartoon or movie or comic book or novel because of blatant racism or homophobia or transphobia, with defenders jumping to lift up one single episode or character or storyline and saying ‘look, see how much they care, nobody’s perfect and at least they tried and it was probably the studio/editors/publisher that wouldn’t let them do more?’

“You can’t demand more than what the studio/show/film/comic/novel was willing to give you here” is the takeaway now, same as it was twenty years ago, same as it was twenty years before that.

WHY THE FUCK NOT? Is what I wanna know.

Considering people seem more than happy to demand marginalized audiences settle for the one bone or scrap they’re thrown to pacify them while following that up with a hundred times that amount of content enabling the racist, ableist, homophobic and transphobic status quo. 

It was bullshit then, and its bullshit now. A half-hearted or hell, even an earnest attempt at doing ONE thing to challenge racism or homophobia, is not a free pass to then perpetuate those things in a dozen other ways. And its certainly not a shield against people saying THAT’S NOT ENOUGH. DO BETTER. DO MORE.

It’s about priorities, at the end of the day.

Any content creator that’s able to include some token effort at being progressive absolutely is capable of more than JUST that. It is always, ALWAYS just a matter of picking your battles, when it comes to studios, audiences, publishers, etc. That’s what it comes down to. You have to pick your battles, decide what you’re going to fight to include or how its portrayed, where you’re willing to compromise and where you’re not.

And over and over, all these arguments, all these content creators and their nominal efforts and excuses for not doing more, all it boils down to - is just like any creator, they picked their battles. What was worth fighting for in their eyes and where they were okay with cutting their losses. The answer to ‘why not more’ and ‘why not better’ is ALWAYS - because they didn’t care as much about fighting for that content as the other stuff they wanted to include, that mattered more to them.

Thing is, there are a million different elements at play in any given content. There are a million different identities or combination of identities that could be prioritized in any given content. It is literally impossible to prioritize all of them or even most of them or even 99% of them. While at the same time, its equally true that all of them DESERVE to be prioritized somewhere.

And like....because of that, its not a problem that somebody’s personal priorities are different from yours or what you’d like theirs to be. If someone’s not trying to be offensive or exclude any given identities or experiences? If the reason they only fought to include a token display of something and nothing more than that is because they personally have other things they prioritize more, that are more important to see included in their final product, for them, the creator, personally? That’s not evil. That’s not unreasonable. People are ALLOWED to have their own priorities. They’re allowed to have things they care more about fighting for than other things.

But the same has to be true in reverse.

Fans get to be equally concerned with THEIR personal priorities. Criticism isn’t censorship, a hundred, a thousand people on the internet saying ‘i hate this because it doesn’t do enough of x’ is not ‘you are a bad person because you like this because it includes y and you personally care about y a lot.’

Stop responding to people saying “I’m not satisfied by the inclusion of this one character, story, episode. I want more. People like me deserve more” with “Stop expecting more than what you’re given and settle for being happy with whatever you’re offered.”

It should NOT be that hard to instead respond with “I enjoy this thing because what it does and doesn’t prioritize lines up well with my own personal priorities, but it makes sense that you’re not content with it because your priorities are different and that’s fair and valid. You deserve content that lines up with your priorities, same as this thing currently does with mine. Its not an attack on me to hear you say that.”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Broken Like Me (Part 17) - A Handsome Man & A Visit to Dr. Bram

Summary: The reader has a surprise for Dean and they attend a session with Dr. Bram together...

Masterlist

Pairing: Model!Dean x reader

Word Count: 3,500ish

Warnings: language

Thursday Night

“You have no idea how glad I am to be home…” said Dean, trailing off when he stepped out of his main hall and into his kitchen. He cocked his head, looking at the kitchen table, blinking once before turning his head to you standing nearby.

“Hi,” you said, holding out a bundle of flowers for him, Dean shaking his head at you.

“You got me flowers,” he said, chuckling as he looked them over. “I’ve never gotten flowers before you know.”

“Well, I figured it was about time you did,” you said, walking over to the set kitchen table with an empty vase, a pair of lit candles on top, the lights dimmed low.

“You cooked dinner,” he said, spinning your around. You waited for him to say something about the obvious but it never came. You picked out a new dress with a little help from Carla but it wasn’t something you were ready to wear out in public yet.

Dean lowered his head to your exposed collar bone and kissed along the long scar slowly, a pleasant shiver running up your spine. He peppered a few kitten kisses up your neck, chuckling against your skin when you arched your neck for him.

“I’ll have to remember that,” he said, voice deeper than normal, kissing your cheek. “I think I need to change for our date. Be right back.”

You went to the oven and pulled out the steak, hoping it came out the way Dean liked. You dished up a side of pasta and some veggies, turning your head when you heard Dean return.

“Fuck,” you said, Dean in one of those tailored suits he modeled for, a sleek black with a white pocket square, no tie, the top button undone. He flashed you a wink and stepped over, inspecting the food.

“You are a fantastic cook, sweetheart,” he said, helping you bring the food over. He poured out a few drinks and pulled out your chair for you, a gorgeous smile being given back to you as you sat. He sat across from you and set his napkin in his lap, eyes flickering up to meet yours. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

“I did it because I wanted to,” you said, Dean’s gaze flickering down to your scar on your chest.

“You have no idea how proud I am of you. Or that I’m the one that gets to see all of you,” he said with a soft and silly smile.

“You must be special,” you said, Dean glancing at his lap. “You are incredibly handsome, Dean and I’m going to try to be better about reminding you of that.”

“Y/N-“

“No, let me...you focus on me. A lot. I take advantage of that. I forget sometimes that you and me...we’re a lot a like. We both have problems with how we see ourselves. But you’re so handsome and you’re so amazing to me that I forget that you have those same problems I do. It’s a pretty selfish thing to do honestly, to think that because I see you a certain way, you must think that way too. Yesterday you said you wished I could spend five minutes seeing myself from your perspective. Honey, I wish I could give you the same thing because I didn’t really get that until I sat and thought about it today. I know how I feel about you and how I see you. I was holding back, right up until last night. I was using it as a way to protect myself because the way I feel terrifies me and it’s the greatest thing on earth all at once. I didn’t want you to hurt me.

“But I’ve been so stupid because you aren’t going to hurt me. You protect me. No one’s ever protected me. But you do and all I’m trying to say is that I’m here to do the same thing for you. Sometimes I’m mean to myself, and sometimes you’re mean to yourself and we’re both going to screw up every once in a while. But for some reason we fit together and I want to get better at making sure you know I’m there for you just as much as you’re there for me,” you said.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. “I know you’re there for me sweetheart but maybe it’s like you said, we’ll try to stop being so scared of each other.”

“Good,” you said with a nod.

“Thank you for dinner,” he said, leaning over the table to give you a kiss. “Let’s dig in.”

Two Months Later

“Dean, Y/N,” said Dr. Bram as you walked into his office. “I was wondering when you two would want to try a joint session.”

“Well it’s Dean’s time. I’m just here for...reasons,” you said. Dr. Bram raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. You took your normal seat on the couch, Dean sliding in close to you.

“Alright. How have things been Dean?” asked Dr. Bram, taking a seat. Dean leaned forward and grabbed one of the caramel sweets from the small bowl on the table, something you’d stared at a million times but never actually had.

“Good,” said Dean, untwisting the wrapper and popping the candy in his mouth. He started to fold the wrapper over, Dr. Bram giving him a smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay to be nervous. We haven’t had a non-family member join us before,” he said. “So what’s on your mind?”

“I got a job offer. To do some shoots over in Europe for two weeks,” said Dean.

“That sounds exciting,” he said.

“It is but that’s a really long flight,” he said.

“Oh,” said Dr. Bram. “So your fear of flying is back.”

“I wouldn’t say it ever left really,” said Dean. “The last few times I flew it was because I was worried about my parents and didn’t really pay attention or I took a sleeping pill and slept the whole time. But the very last time I flew, it was with Y/N and it actually wasn’t that bad. She’s offered to go with me since she can work from anywhere so I don’t have to fly that far by myself.”

“Okay,” said Dr. Bram. “But…”

“My flights are covered by the customer and I can’t use my miles on an international flight so she’d have to pay which has been a bit of an argument for the past few days,” said Dean.

“Bit of an argument,” he said.

“We got in a slight shouting match last night,” you said. “It’s our first really big fight.”

“You seem more sure of yourself though,” said Dr. Bram.

“We had a fight. We aren’t going to break up over it which is why I’m not worried. Do I want him to also not worry? Yes. I want him to see it my way too but I want him to stop stressing out over this,” you said.

“I’m missing part of the puzzle, aren’t I?” asked Dr. Bram when Dean cocked his head at you.

“She’s been saving up her money for the surgery her insurance wouldn’t cover but she wants to use that for the plane tickets. Do you see why I’m mad about that?” asked Dean.

“No, not really,” said Dr. Bram. Dean threw up his hands and scoffed, Dr. Bram raising an eyebrow at him. “Dean...I will ask you a question if you’re willing to be an adult about it. Okay?”

“Fine,” grit out Dean, crossing his arms.

“You and Y/N, while a couple and partners...well to put it simply, you are not married and you don’t live together or depend on each other financially. Why does it bother you so much what she chooses to spend her savings on?” he asked.

“Because the surgery is something she wants and I can handle a few bad flights. It’s going to take her time to save that up again and that’s just more time she has to wait,” said Dean.

“Mhm. You seem to be speaking a lot for Y/N,” he said.

“Isn’t everything I just said true?” asked Dean, looking at you.

“Yes,” you said, looking to Dr. Bram.

“Then I don’t understand what the problem is,” said Dean.

“Dean, a bit of relationship advice and as a man that has been married for a very long time, just because something is true doesn’t mean it’s right,” said Dr. Bram.

“I have no idea what you just said,” said Dean.

“Did you ask Y/N about this? About why she was making the choice she was?” he asked.

“I know why-“

“You assumed that I find my scars such a big problem that I would prioritize that, something that won’t happen for months and months, over something that would help you right now. You are losing sleep over these flights and I want to go with you. I think it’d be fun to go to Europe with you. I think that I’m comfortable enough in my own skin that I’m okay with walking around in tee shirts again in front of other people and that I like wearing hats and headbands. I think you assumed and you weren’t willing to listen to me and that’s why I’m here right now,” you said.

“But it’s something you want,” he said. “And you won’t let me pay for a ticket for you when I can definitely afford it.”

“Y/N, did Dean offer to do that?” asked Dr. Bram.

“Yes but-“

“Okay, two minute time out you two. No talking,” he said, holding up a hand. You pouted at him, crossing your arms as Dean slumped back into the couch. He twiddled his fingers on his chest, giving you a glance.

He went to speak but Dr. Bram grunted. Dean stared at you, blinking a few times before he tilted his head.

“Okay, now that I think I’ve got all of the information on the situation now, this is the part where I say being in a relationship means you do not always get what you want. I know you both well enough to know that someone’s caring nature and someone’s pride both were too aggressive for their own good,” said Dr. Bram.

“Who was who? asked Dean. He just chuckled and leaned forward in his seat.

“See, that is why you work together so well. You are very similar and so very different,” he said.

“You haven’t solved our problem at all,” said Dean.

“You know I have but you don’t like the solution,” said Dr. Bram.

“Dean?” you said.

“It’s your choice,” said Dean. “But you’re being stubborn too because you won’t let me help pay.”

“I don’t want to owe you is all,” you said.

“Owe me what? A thousand dollars? You aren’t going to pay me back,” he said.

“Exactly which is why I want to pay myself,” you said.

“Why can’t I pay for a trip for my girlfriend? What’s so bad about that?” he asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with it. I just don’t want to be a freeloader,” you said.

“You are not a freeloader,” he said.

“It’s a lot of money,” you said.

“I don’t care about the stupid money,” he said, turning his body to face yours. “I want you to come with me. Why can’t I do this for you? Why? Just tell me so I can understand.”

“Because you have money and I know how you talk about old girlfriends and how that’s part of why they stuck around and I don’t want you to ever think that I am here for that. So if I pay, I don’t have to worry that you’re worried,” you said.

“Y/N,” said Dean, putting his hand on his head, laughing quietly to himself. “You never in a million years have to worry about me thinking you are that kind of person. I love you, ya big idiot. I want to pay so we can both have what we want, that’s it. There’s no strings attached. Shit, you offered to come to therapy with me because you were so worried about me. I know why you’re with me and it has nothing to do with my job or my looks. Please, don’t think that I’m keeping track of that crap or something.”

“Well...I guess we were both silly,” you said with a shrug, Dean resting his hand on yours and giving it a squeeze. “Talk next time though. Don’t try to assume things.”

“We’ll both be better about talking, alright?” he said. You nodded, Dr. Bram giving you each a smile. “So we going to Europe?”

“I think so,” you said.

“Well it sounds like you resolved that problem,” said Dr. Bram. “Although I still want to talk about this flight. Y/N will be there to help but it will be the longest one you’ve ever been on.”

“I can handle it,” said Dean.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you take a sleeping pill again,” he said.

“Well the flight is about 12 hours with the connection,” said Dean, swallowing hard.

“The longest flight you’ve ever been on was about three hours,” said Dr. Bram.

“If Y/N’s with me, I know I’ll be okay to go that long,” said Dean.

“Why’s that?” asked Dr. Bram. Dean glanced at you and then his lap, lifting his head up with a shy smile.

“I know she’s smaller than me but...she makes me feel safe,” said Dean. “Protected.”

“Do you like that?” asked Dr. Bram, giving you a smile.

“Yeah. I mean, even though she couldn’t stop a plane from crashing or anything like that, I feel better with her there,” he said.

“How does that make you feel, Y/N?” asked Dr. Bram.

“I don’t know,” you said with a shrug, your face feeling hot as Dean gave you a smile. “Nice.”

“Do you blush a lot around Dean?” asked. Dr. Bram.

“Oh yeah,” said Dean with a big head nod.

“No I don’t, dork,” you said, whacking his arm, Dean chuckling. “He blushes way more.”

“I can’t help it if you’re cute,” said Dean. “That’s your fault.”

You rolled your eyes and bit down your smile, Dr. Bram standing up from his seat. He walked around behind his desk and went to his bottom drawer, pulling out a gray box.

“Oh, I know what this is,” you said, Dr. Bram handing the box to Dean. “He wants you to write something down.”

“Who’s the therapist here, huh?” said Dr. Bram, cocking his head at you. “And this is for Dean to keep.”

“Why’s your name on this?” asked Dean, showing you the bottom of the box. Your eyes flickered up to Dr. Bram, shaking your head.

“Dean. Now, this is Y/N’s box. Do you remember the box rules?” asked Dr. Bram.

“Yeah,” said Dean, giving it a smile. “I remember the one Sammy did.”

“Y/N,” said Dr. Bram, pulling another box from behind his back, this one a light blue. “You’ve never gotten a box before so I’ll explain this to you. Do you remember what kind of thing I asked you to write down on your card?”

“A hope,” you said, Dr. Bram handing you the light blue box, years and years old from the looks of it.

“Correct,” he said as you flipped the box over, Dean’s faded name written on the bottom. “Now when I ask someone to write something for one of these boxes, it means I think that person is making progress. I never read them but I keep them safe for you. Now when I think that person no longer requires my services, I give their box back to them or to someone I know they are very close with.”

“I can’t-” you said, Dr. Bram shaking his head.

“You can be my patient as long as you like Y/N. I will never kick you out,” he said, sitting down on top of the coffee table giving you and Dean both a smile. “Either of you. Dean, I’ve known you since you were a boy. Most of my career in fact. Y/N, I have seen you most every week for four years. Neither one of you wanted to come here and talk to me at first. But you trusted me and I thank you both for that. Now the thing with the boxes is, you can choose to open them or not. It’s up to you. I’ll never bring them up again. But I’ve seen the both of you come out of your shells, learn to trust and love yourselves and other people again over the past three months. You’ve been helping each other from the moment you met. You will both still get scared and you will have bad days again. You’re young people, it’s going to happen. But you have grown your support in your personal lives and at home with each other. I know you aren’t living together but I know it’s in the back of your minds to take that next step. You’ve shared some secrets with each other and...you two make a pretty cute couple if I’m being honest. I’m confident that both of you will do just fine.”

Dean nodded his head, running his thumb over the box. He tucked it into his coat pocket though, moving his hand to hold yours.

“Dr. Bram,” you said, putting Dean’s box in your pocket. “Thank you for giving a shit about me.”

“I give a shit about all my patients,” he said with a laugh. “Even if some of you kick and scream along the way. Literally.”

“I was four,” said Dean, holding up a hand.

“You broke my finger,” he said.

“I plead the fifth,” said Dean, shaking his head.

“I’ll be taking you both off the weekly schedule if you’d like,” said Dr. Bram.

“Can I still pop in every month?” you asked, Dean nodding.

“How about every three weeks and if you want it more or less we can go from there,” he said.

“I got a question,” said Dean, staring at the candy bowl. Dr. Bram raised an eyebrow and left the room, returning with a bag and dropping it in Dean’s lap. “I love you so much.”

“Don’t let him eat all of those at once,” said Dr. Bram, Dean already popping one in his mouth. “Now unless there was anything else you two had...I will see you both after you get back from your trip.”

You hummed, Dean heading out ahead of you, Dr. Bram smiling when you stayed behind.

“Yes?” he asked.

“Is it strange if I’m actually happy I was in that accident? It was hell and everytime I look in a mirror I can see what it did to me but I wouldn’t have met Dean otherwise and he’s…I’m not weird for thinking that, am I?” you asked.

“Life is weird,” he said. “But that’s not a weird thing to think at all. You and Dean...you grew up twenty minutes away from each other. I’m sure you would have bumped into each other eventually.”

“You some kind of hopeless romantic or something?” you asked.

“Just a bit,” he said. “Now go and be careful with that box of his. It’s very old.”

“I will,” you said, pausing at the door. “What breakthrough did Dean suddenly have?”

“He knows you love him unconditionally,” he said. “I’ve been suspecting it but I got to see it tonight.”

“But he knows his family does that,” you said.

“Dean needed that love to come from someone else, just like you,” he said.

“My parents are in England. I was thinking of going to see them while we were over there,” you said.

“If you do see them, I wish you the best. They do love you, Y/N. They just have a funny way of saying it sometimes,” he said.

“Hey,” said Dean, poking his head back in the room. “You okay?”

“Mhm,” you said. “Just saying bye.”

“I will see you both soon and you know you can always call or stop in for an emergency,” he said. “Now go home. And don’t lose those boxes!”

A/N: Read Part 18 here!

TAGS CLOSED

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[funkymbtifiction]

Is there a specific way to figure out if you're an so/sx so/sp or sx/so? When I read the so/sx descriptions, they always seem so impulsive (thanks to sx), but when I read so/so they always seem kind of... Dead?

Mostly, think about which one you put the most energy into, and which one would be the hardest one for you to do on the spot.

I’m an so-first. I know this because I put a lot of energy into so -- I’m good with people, I care about how they see me, I’m relatively good at amassing a decent superficial relationship with a lot of people (who like me) at work, on tumblr, and among my clients... which as an sp-second and a 6, makes me feel secure, like if I need help at some point I can turn to others and know I have a lot of people who will help me pull through something. In other words, people = resources and friends. So’s know how to make themselves likable in a larger social sphere than a so-blind. (The so-blinds don’t network or care what anyone else thinks of them, and then wonder why they fail in a society that relies on so!)

Like you, I didn’t love the sound of so/sp because it makes a person sound like they have no fire or passion or cannot create a romantic relationship; that’s not it at all, it’s just that so/sp goes about it focusing more on the long-term benefits of an intimate relationship rather than the idea of an instant attraction that will soon fade. I’m a Ne-dom, so my attention span comes and goes anyway, but I never fixate on someone and then cast them aside and move on the instant I feel no more connection with them. I treat them gently. I do have passions, I get fixated for awhile and then wander off, but that’s just Ne -- it likes to experiment with things and move on... and I will come back to that interest later on and still enjoy it. (I’m still running this tumblr years later, even though I’m a bit bored -- so/sp in action, folks. So = this knowledge helped me, it’s a useful resource for others and may improve their understanding of themselves and others; and sp’s ability to settle in and keep at something that has become ‘comfortable.’)

Sx isn’t just about relationships, of course, it’s about intensity and it flavors each number it comes into context with, so you have to read them individually.

So/sx is Anna Karenina. Still concerned with fitting into society and not being shunned due to her affair (which causes a lot of anxiety about not being able to marry her lover) but still that sx pull to cast all caution to the wind, throw away everything she has, in pursuit of an intense attraction (sp-blind). Sx/so would be even more that way, prioritizing their significant other and/or passions / intensity / pull toward other things over fitting in or contributing to society.

So/sp is Claire from Elizabethtown. Warm, friendly, personable, there for people and searching for love but through gentler methods -- willing to work at it and wait until Drew is ready. Since she doesn’t have an sx, there’s no “intense” need to make her relationship with Drew happen RIGHT NOW... she is there if he wants and needs her, very open to it, but not going to throw everything away in pursuit of him. There’s no sharp edge to her that someone can get cut on.

Think about your relationships with people. What are they like? Why do you choose them? Or your hobbies? Are they all a flash in the pan? Instant chemistry, a “high,” where you are using other people and their attention for your “fix” (chemistry) and then when that wanes, you move on? Is chemistry / intensity 100% your focus? Or is your relationship style gentler? More aware of your own need for alone time / space / rest (sp needs)?

Unfortunately, the romanticizing of sx on tumblr has caused a lot of people to think they have sx who do not, but not having it isn’t a bad thing. You will have the ability to take care of your own needs with sp (which an sp-blind lacks) and you will not be at the whim of needing others to give you an “intensity hit.”

- ENFP Mod

I would like to add that so/sx means you lack a sense of boundaries and are clueless about conserving your energy. So you can end up scattering your soc energy heavily amidst concentrated groups or individuals who meet your belonging (soc) + intensity, intimacy needs (sx). This is why so/sx folks tend to go all in with people they *really* bond with, not saving enough energy or resources for themselves. Another important point of distinction would be that, so/sx finds the interest waning, and social hierarchies changing once the person is out of sight. The so/sp individual is relatively a bit more stable at maintaining or rather, wanting to maintain stable bonds because this not only ensures a constant source of bonding for them, but also helps create a secure network of allies for them.

A good example of so/sx would be Veronica Lodge from Riverdale. Her primary focus is in finding a place to belong, knowing where to establish herself in the social scene and hierarchical order, where she first butts heads with Cheryl Blossom. However, her affiliation, bonding, energizing and connecting strategies are usually used in furtherance of her sx pursuits, also tied in to her Fi sense of loyalty and values as well. Such as her election campaign strategy, or mobilizing the entire school to show support for her boyfriend Archie, and his endeavors such as the Red Circle. She leaps blindly into dangerous situations, trusting her resourcefulness with people to help her wing it. She, as do other users of this stacking tend to bond intensely, often looking to satisfy their sx within their soc circles.

From the same show, Alice Smith (later Mrs. Cooper) is an excellent so/sp. Acutely perceptive of social hierarchies and her position within them, she prioritizes upward mobility over passion (sx-blind). She makes the transition from "girl born on the wrong side of the tracks" to a preppy North sider smoothly by attaching herself to Hal Cooper out of necessity, rather than desire. Playing off of people dynamics, she is able to secure resources for herself and make sure her sp needs are met.

- ENTP Mod.

[wineds]

compromise

happy holidays @blogitlikeitzhot, i’m your secret santa!! i’m so glad that you share my love for edwin! you wanted some hurt/comfort so here you go :) hope you enjoy!

(thanks @wrongnote for being my beta for this <3) 

@fullmetalsecretsanta

summary: All Ed wants is one more hour in bed with his fiance.

It was morning.

Ed groaned as he felt his fiance stir next to him, gently wiggling out of his embrace. He tried to hold on for just a little longer, but Winry was already in work mode. She was already stretching, getting out of bed, and walking to the restroom to brush her teeth.

It had been about two months since Ed had returned from his research in the West.

He wasn’t going to lie, he loved his research and he loved seeing more of the world; but ever since that fateful day at the train station, all he could think about is coming home to Winry.

He would think about her constantly. Her blonde locks, her bright smile, her soft touch, her ocean eyes. Talking about her was another factor; secretly having taken a picture of her with him, he showed it whenever he had a chance. The dreams he had about her, ranging from embarrassingly romantic to graphically lustful, any awakening him with a bright red blush.

He was a fool in love. He had been for a long time, but he had never imagined he would actually get the girl. There had been too many obstacles standing in his way for so long. Now that he had, he never wanted to be away from Winry again.

Unfortunately for both of them, the Rockbell Business had taken off. Granny had retired, and Winry was bound and determined to handle everything by herself. She had been getting countless orders a week, and they just kept coming. She could never catch a break, and in turn neither could Ed.

She was always working.

He was happy for her, he knew how hard she had worked for this. She was talented, and she deserved to be renowned as one of the best automail mechanics in Amestris (in his opinion the best).

Winry’s work had saved his life, helped him stand again, relit the passion in his soul. Many were missing out on the privilege of calling Winry Rockbell their mechanic. He carried that name with pride, as he know many others did as well.

But he was the only one who was able to call her his fiance. He knew that her ambition made her work near the top of her list of priorities, a common trait shared between the both of them.

He knew she was just busy.

He just missed her.

He had been looking forward to coming home and being around her all the time. That had been the case for about the first two weeks of his homecoming, them barely leaving each other’s sides (some days, not even leaving the bed); but ever since business had picked up, they barely saw each other, besides when they woke up, had dinner (that wasn’t Winry quickly whipping something out and going back to her study), and went to bed.

They were also supposed to be planning a wedding, something that Ed had no idea how to do and something that Winry didn’t seem to have time for.

He had come home with a beautiful (and slightly expensive) engagement ring that Winry only took off while she was working, in fear of ruining it. He knew she loved him, he knew she wanted to marry him, and he knew that she wasn’t meaning to ignore him.

He was just feeling a bit put out.

Okay, maybe very put out.

As Winry came out of the restroom, Ed made one last valiant attempt.

“Come back to bed,” he whined, “it’s Saturday, you shouldn’t have to work on Saturday!”

Winry sighed. “Ed, I can’t afford to take a break. If you still want a roof over your head and food on the table, I have to get this work done. Besides, it’s not like you and Al ever took a break when you were trying to get your bodies back.”

Ed paused. “Not all your points are wrong,” he said. “But you have bags under your eyes, you’ve barely had any human interaction all week, and isn’t your brain at all tired?”

His fiance sighed, clearly vexed. “Ed, I’m fine. Now would you please drop it and let me get to work?”

“FINE?!” He fired back, exasperated beyond belief. “You have been glued to that work desk! Do you know how many times I’ve had to wrench your tools from your hands and carry you to bed?”

“I have a business to run, if you didn’t remember!” Winry snapped, her voice becoming louder. “I’m going to have a couple of sleepless nights and busy work days, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Do you remember how many rush orders I had to fill for you?”

“You would rush the order and then spend the next couple of days sleeping it off,” Ed counteracted. “When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?”

Even if Winry tried to argue, Ed knew he was right about this one. Even when he had been able to drag her to bed, she would spend the night tossing and turning. If she even dreamed, she was dreaming about her damned orders.

“I’m still moving,” Winry replied nonchalantly. “I’m okay, Ed.”

“Fine, you want another point?!” Ed snapped. “You’ve been completely neglecting me! News flash, I like spending time with you! Forbid seeing you once in a while!”

She rolled her eyes. “Ed, you’re such a baby.”

“You’ve been doing nothing but working for over a month now!” Ed argued. “I barely see you, and I miss you damn it! We’re also supposed to be planning a wedding, we’re engaged if you didn’t remember!”

Ed knew he was just being bitter and over dramatic, but all he wanted was to spend some more time with his betrothed. Was that too much to ask?  

“Ed, that’s not fair!” Winry fired back. “Look, I miss you too and I care immensely about our wedding, but I’m running this business all by myself and if I get too far behind, I’ll start losing customers and then we’ll start losing money and then the Rockbell name will be tarnished-”

“Win,” Ed said softly. “You’re crying.”

Winry brought her hands up to her eyes and sure enough, tears were starting to stream down her cheeks.

Ed got out of bed and wrapped his arms around her, her head burying itself into his shoulder.

He felt like a complete ass. Although he knew that it was more of the stress than his words that was making her cry, he didn’t have to be so harsh. He really wasn’t good as this whole “showing concern without yelling” thing, was he?

“I’m so sorry Ed!” She cried, her voice a bit muffled. “I’m just so stressed out, and our wedding should be my number one priority I just don’t know what to prioritize anymore-”

“Winry,” Ed said as he ran his fingers through her hair, “it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

“I’m failing!”

“You are not failing,” Ed said firmly, “You’re just stressed, and I’m not making it any better. I’m sorry, I should be more supportive. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too, Ed.”

He pulled away from her, putting both of his hands on her face.

“We’ll figure something out,” Ed stated. “Isn’t that what this whole relationship stuff is about, compromise?”

Winry laughed, sniffling a little.

“You do need to work,” Ed continued, “that’s important; but I still want to see you.”

“You also can’t stress yourself out like this. Your business is expanding, which means more customers, which means more work than even you can handle. You need to hire some help.”

“Ed–” Winry started.

“I know,” Ed cut her off. “No one can make automail the way you do, but you can’t keep going on like this. At this point, you’ll never get anything done, and we won’t get married until we’re old and grey. Come on you can apprentice some mechanics, and train them like you were! Does that sound so bad?”

Winry hesitated. Letting people outside of the family into the business? Was that really something she was willing to do?

But she was so tired. Ed was right about her lack of sleep. She was a hard worker, but it was so difficult for her to run a business as demanding as automail all by herself.

Plus, things were different now. She had a house and a fiance and a wedding to plan. When was the last time that they sat down and discussed guest lists or dates or colors or any of it?

“Well,” Winry replied, sniffling a little, “the extra help would actually be nice. I’d like to get a good night’s sleep for once.”

Ed chuckled, kissing her on the forehead.

“I’d like that too,” Ed said, wiping away some of the leftover tears. “ I can practically hear the gears turning in your head in the middle of the night, and I think it’s affecting my rem cycle.” 

Winry gave a small laugh at that, kissing her future husband’s hand before walking to her desk. 

“But if I’m going to do this,” Winry started, “I need to start now. I need to make applications and create a hiring process and–”

“You need a break,” he gently cut her off, “at least a small one. Can you forget your orders and the hiring processes and come back to bed? For at least an hour?”

Winry sighed. But he had won.

“You’re impossible,” she griped, getting back into bed anyways. “One hour.”

“Well,” Ed started, smirking, “there’s a lot we can do in an hour.”

“You’re right!” Winry exclaimed, getting up. “There’s a lot I can get done in an hour–”

“NO!” Ed exclaimed, yanking her back down beside him. She laughed at him.

“You’re evil.” He said, shaking his head and leaning down to kiss her.

No orders were filled that day.