#she's learned from the most ride or die motherfuckers in the world

[kedreeva]

Was thinking yesterday about how Billy died. About how Billy was always going to die. Not, like "Always" but lowercase always, by the time they got to that scene. He was one of the flayed, still. When they cut off the head to kill the body, Billy was going to die anyway. There wasn't time to save him, then. There were no resources to heat the mindflayer out of him. He was always going to die by that point. They tried to save him, in the sauna, and they failed, and from that point on, he was always going to die because they had no time, no resources, no additional chances.

And I find his arc... interesting, to say the least. Curious, maybe would be a good word? He was pretty terrible as a human being - there's no real arguing that, his actions were his own no matter how badly I feel for the circumstances that brought him to that point. He was faced with a mundane Bad Guy (his father's abuse, being taken from his home environment, being thrust into a social-familial relationship he didn't want at a young age, etc) and turned that into anger and lashing out at people that didn't deserve it. His learned behaviors are aggression against the people who can't fight back. He backs off Max when she does fight back.

Now, in most situations in media where you have this kind of character, if they are presented with additional power, the aggression would just.... scale. No more feeling powerless, once they have power. And having More Power means there are more people who have less power than them. This is where you get the jump from bad person to bad guy to villain. Except... Billy never really made the leap to villain. I'm not even convinced he made it to bad guy, except by force.

Because, and here is where it starts to get interesting to me, when faced with being handed Power by the mindflayer (and granted, there's control involved as well, but fuck man, look at the difference between Henry and Billy when both were there to collect power for the mindflayer), instead of becoming a worse person, instead of becoming a monster, Billy fights the mindflayer every step of the way. He's in there screaming the entire time, and we see it several times. We see him breaking down and exhausted in the sauna, crying for Max (and yes, I think that was genuinely Billy until it wasn't) and trying to tell her he's fighting and doesn't want to be doing the things he's doing. We see him fighting when he's sitting in the car outside the mall; if he wasn't, he'd have rammed into Nancy's station wagon right off the bat. We see him, even REALLY early on, snarl at Karen to get away/stay away from him because he doesn't want to hurt her.

And that's... interesting. It's fascinating to see a character that's faced with mundane evil become a bad person, but then when faced with supernatural evil, they balk and try to become better. Try to become good, even.

And listen, I don't approve of the "sacrifice as redemption" trope in general, I think it's OFTEN a cop out so writers don't have to deal with the intricacies of a bad person/guy/villain becoming better (or at least doing so believably). But at the same time, the kids tried to save him. They actually had a really good plan to try to save him, they gave it an earnest shot, they were very resourceful and clever in their attempt to lure him into the sauna and smoke out the mindflayer to protect Billy. They ultimately failed, and the mindflayer would have killed them for it if Mike hadn't rescued El, but they DID try, and once they had failed, there was no real going back. Billy was going to die from that point on.

And I can't help but think that, you know. Did Billy understand what they were doing? Did that attempt give him any hope? Did he think they would try again, or at least hope they would? At what point did he realize they were out of time? At what point did he realize he was going to die, no matter what? Whenever it was, we see him fight even after that.

Because he fights the whole time. All that time, all the terrible things he did anyway, only for El to touch his cheek with infinite gentleness - and please, remember with me that he has been subjected so far to the raw mind of the true villain of the story so far, the villain that sees El as The Enemy, she is the single strongest force the mindflayer is fighting against, the one enemy he has focused all of his efforts against as the Only One who can stop him, which means that Billy must be aware she is powerful, but after however many days of a fight for his goddamn soul, after witnessing unfathomable horrors with no comfort anywhere, after repeatedly attacking her and then offering her life up to the mindflayer, the kindness with which she treats him, the gentleness, the forgiveness, the utter recognition that she understands this is not him, and perhaps most importantly the knowledge that she thinks there's still time for him to be Good... fuck, man. I'd choose her, too.

He's gotta know he's going to go down, but he's going down either way. They tried. They failed, but they tried to save him. He's repaying the effort. I know it's easy to see what he does, the way he dies, as an attempt to redeem himself through sacrifice. But the more I think about it, the more I think maybe it wasn't. Maybe he was repaying El's kindness- the first genuine act of kindness directed at him from someone that had literally been inside of his head and seen everything he is. How must it feel, to know someone has seen that, seen all of you, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still touches you gently? Touches the good in you and says that is who you are.

I can't help but think that just maybe he has seen worst side of the most evil thing in their world, and been touched by the love of the best force of good, and he just makes the choice to stop fighting against the mindflayer and start fighting for El. And that's why he can resist so fully in that moment and chooses to do so; not because he's trying to redeem himself, not because he thinks he'll be forgiven, not because he thinks he can win, not because he even thinks he'll survive, but because we are always stronger when fighting for something than against, and he was just reminded he had something to fight for.

Anyway. Having some thoughts again.

[captainpondlilly]

Okay! The Gilear plush has arrived. This is my best attempt at all of his lines. Two have been unintelligible to me, and several are pretty long and fast which made it hard to follow.

My search history is.. hospitals near me, foot stuck in object, head stuck in object

You're low, he's low, It's Gilear's day baby!*

A guy on the street kicked me in the nuts as hard he could

I don't like "lunchlad"

Help me to understand what I have done to deserve this

My horoscope says "today is a good day to die motherfucker"

I ate a quick cup of yogurt on the way over here to bolster my spirits after I changed, I'm ever so sorry

What do you mean "When" life gives you lemons

I went to apply for the guidance counselor position but I was usurped by a drug dealing werewolf named Jawbone

In my haste to put the armor on I buckled the leg plate and think I clipped the tip of my penis against one of the leg plates and Everytime I move it feels like it might fall off so I ASSURE you demon I have no pride to speak of!

In highschool I was voted "Most Likely To Get Pushed Out Of A Tree"

My car was repossessed by the ride share app that I was working for

It's actually a good thing that no one came to my birthday party because the bounce house flooded and was swept out to sea

I just discovered that *all* of my emails have been going to everyone's spam

Unfortunately I have been banned from that hot air balloon service not because of anything that happened to me in particular but the guys who run it just sort of know my whole deal

Mmm this yogurt tastes like *potatoes*

I asked the woman at Home Depot why my plants kept dying and she said it seemed like they were reaching away from the sun

I've found out recently that one of my shoes is so filled with mildew because a pipe in my bedroom is leaking and I've developed a fungal infection in my foot which I didn't know was possible for elves to get

I don't think that I've ever "Peaked" in that we started neutral and have been going downhill ever since

I am currently trapped in a storm drain. The bottom half of me is above the ground, the other is below

Another Own Goal for Gilear Faeth, yes

Everyone knows you eat 7 spiders in your sleep every year, but I have a bunch coming into me the backway

My sandcastle I'm afraid was destroyed, as I was about to finish it, the tide came in and with it a man holding a bazooka who shot me and killed me

I know you're not going to believe this but Ive just been kicked by a snake

I found out the hard way that people can legally reject status as an emergency contact

The title of my autobiography is going to be Gilear Faeth: Please Stop

On my way here I was carrying a large bowl of Italian wedding soup which shattered on the ground in front of me and several of the small pasta balls rolled through the cracks and alerted vermin to my presence. I've since learned after a trip to the hospital I am deathly allergic to the sting of millipedes which is a way of me saying I need someone to come down to the hospital and pay for this. There is a doctor holding a gun to my head and now that I think about it this clinic is in the back of a storage unit and I think have gone to the wrong place

he said and I quote "he'd stomp my goon ass" if I ever got on his bus again

Gorthalax it was very nice to meet you, you've made a cuckold of me

We're the throw up boys!*

I've been informed that the brownies I consumed were laced with cannabis and rat poison

I am completely unprepared for the perils ahead and am deeply frightened, I'll go get the coffee

A gorilla monster punched me so hard in the back of the head I died

Today I have been hit by 3 scooters

Everytime you squeeze my hand it breaks several small bones

My imaginary friend as a child ghosted me because he said I was too depressing

Do you want me to go back? I warn you, it will break me

Can I interest you in an herbal soda? You must understand I am an intern at a ponzi scheme*

When I go to sleep at night I dream of a world where I might be able to walk through a field without stepping on a rake or gopher hole

If anyone needs me... I will be surprised.

If it wasn't for bad luck, Id have no luck is both true and what was written upon the billboard I crashed through

I wonder if any of these will feature in Junior year 👀

*Thanks to @cappa-cappa for telling me the lines I wasn't able to make out!!

[theglitterypages]

25 and 54 for levi ackerman plzzzz?! ❤❤

Based on Prompt 25 and 54: ( 25. “I’ve never met someone like you.” “Because everyone in this world is different and there isn’t another face like mine? Duh?” )

(54. “Brat, I have nothing to lose.” He touched my head. “Or at least once had nothing to lose.”)

Prompts list

Requested by optamisticsmiles and @geese-goose18

Title: His Worst Nightmare

Pairings: Levi x fem! reader

Summary: You're one of the most skilled Captain of Survey Corps but during one of the expeditipn outside the walls some of your Squad's horses were killed. As a captain you wanted to save them, you knew you can survive outside the walls but your squad may not be able to because all of them are tired so you chose to be left outside the walls and you fend for yourself.

Warnings: None might appear to be a little sad though.

Word Count: 2000+

••••••

“Captain! Most of our horses were crushed by the Titans, we won't be able to meet with Commander Erwin and Captain Levi!”

Your grip on your weapon tightened as you saw the terrified look on your comrades' faces, most of them were young yet skilled but you knew this kind of scenario would really shake them up because this is dead end.

“Take the remaining horses and meet with Commander Erwin!” you shouted as you use your gear so you could slice the Titan's nape. “What the fuck are y'all looking at?! Go before the remaining horses get killed!” four of your subordinates looked at you with tears in their eyes, “We can't leave you here, Captain!” you cussed underneath your breath and swung towards an abnormal titan aimimg for the horses.

“We'll all die if you won't follow my orders. This is not a request, it is an order from your Captain, leave! Now!” You growled as you viciously charged yourself towards the Titan to kill it.

When it fell on the ground, lifeless, you immediately looked behind and a small smile made its way across your lips upon seeing your subordinates ride the remaining horses to save themselves.

You tore your eyes away from them and looked at five Titans charging themselves towards you, you only have one blade left and to say that you're exhausted is understatement, you knew that this is the day where you'll die and you'll embrace your death proudly and wholeheartedly.

Dying to save your young comrades would be the most glorious part of your career as a captain, your young comrades has so much to learn, they still have a lot to know but you've already done your part if you will die in here today your only regrets would be the fact that you can't see Levi in your last breath.

But you heard from your father who's a doctor that once a person dies, they will have flashbacks of their whole life, looking at the brighter side you'd probably see Levi on those flashbacks before you die.

“Let's finish this motherfuckers.”

°°°°°

Levi was obviously anxious as he kept on looking behind him, your squad should be here by this time, you should be tailing them now already but he still can't see you not even a sign of any of your squads.

“Levi, we should go faster.”

“She's still out there, if you want to you can go but I'll wait for her...” he whispered in his shaky voice, before it was so damn easy for him to go on because he had accepted the fact that not everyone could go back alive and he has mastered of masking his grief whenever another comrade has fallen.

But if he's gonna lose you the way he lost his comrades, he would lose his sanity, he would probably go mad once that happens.

“Squads of Captain YN approaching!”

Hope bloomed in Levi's heart as he heard the announcement of your squad's arrival but when he looked back there are only two horses with four people and you're not one of them.

He felt like his heart stopped beating when he tried looking back further but still no sign of you, he decided to shout at your subordinates. “Where is your captain?” he asked in a firm tone and none of them answered.

The teens just looked down and one by one, they broke down into tears. “We're very sorry Captain Levi.” Erwin overheard the conversation and he felt himself go numb. He doesn't want to believe it, he's not losing one of his greatest Captain, not today...

“Can you please stop fucking crying and answer me! Where the fuck is my girl?!”

“She ordered us to leave her, she faced the Titans alone, we're sorry...”

Levi immediately pulled the reins backward, halting the horse from running. “I'm going back for her.” Erwin also halted and looked at Levi as he shook his head.

“By the walls, Levi! We can't afford to lose two of our greatest Captains today. We have to move forward.”

“I'm sorry Erwin. She's the only one that I've got, losing her means I'm nothing.”

“Levi!” Erwin called out but Levi still chose to go back to the forest where you should have been.

As he get closer to the forest his heart beats faster and faster at every moment, his determination of finding you kept him going, he would never leave you, not when you're the only one that he has.

On his way towards the heart of the forest he encountered three Titans and he chose to let out his frustration in killing those three viciously.

When he arrived at the heart of the forest, he immediately looked around, there were no bloods but there's still some remaining of the titans that hasn't evaporated yet.

Which only means one thing;

You're alive.

“Brat!” he exclaimed as he saw your figure laying down on a big branch of tree while you hold your weapons close to you, eyes half closed as you breathe heavily.

You could hear his shouts, he's telling you not to go to sleep but as much as you want to do it your eyelids felt heavy, you can feel him gently slapping your cheeks in attempting of waking you but it obviously doesn't work.

“You can't close your eyes, no. Please baby, don't. We made a promise didn't we? You need to stay with me, you promised to stay with me.”

Levi kept you close in his chest as he rides his horse, he silently prayed that there would be no more titans to appear because dealing with them wouldn't be his priority, he has to make sure you'll get back safe, your head was wounded and he's not sure of how serious the injury was so he did what he could and used his shirt as a bandage to stop the bleeding.

“Lev..”

“Just hang in there, don't sleep. I'll tell you stories so don't close your eyes and hold onto me tightly huh? Can you do that for me baby?” he begged tears streaming down his cheeks, the way you called out his name sounded so weak and every time that he'll look at you, he could see your eyes closed and fear filled his heart, something he has never felt years before meeting you.

After his friends died, he made himself tough, promised not to get attached again so he wouldn't have to lose his mind over and over again whenever he lose a comrade but you came along, he wanted to blame Erwin and Hanji for introducing you to him but he actually would thank them, because he never felt this way before.

The way you made him feel at ease, every time you'll hug him he feels contented and peaceful and whenever he feels your lips on his it is his paradise and his days without you in his side is hell.

So he couldn't afford to lose you now, not today not forever.

“I—I love you, Levi. Take care of yourself for me hmm? I'm sorry if I—”

“I'm not listening so whatever you want to say, say it to me when we get back inside the walls.”

Of course, he can hear you clearly but he's not strong enough to hear you say those words he doesn't want to hear you saying that you love him as if you're saying goodbye and that's not what he wants.

“Lev, I'm tired.”

“Baby just hold on, don't leave me please. I'm begging you.”

As he bursted into tears, his mind was filled with memories of you and him together.

Flashback

“Once we eliminated all of the titans, I would open a book shop and I will read for the rest of my life.”

“Where am I in your plans, brat?” he asked his arms wrapped around you as you rested your head in his hard chest. “You would be spending your days sitting beside me while I read.” you playfully said, pressing your lips in his jaw.

Levi looked down at you with a smirk, “That's not so bad but we should open a teashop with a bookshop inside it so people can read and drink tea.” you chuckled. His love for tea is really strong and to be honest there are four of you in this relationship.

Tea, Books, you and Levi.

Well at least there's no other girls, there's just tea and his cleaning obsession, “We'll do that and I'll tell Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Connie and Sasha to stay with us. I will be making apple pies and they would love it.” you've grown fond of the teens from the 104th, probably because you've seen how they've grown, how the playful teenagers became brave soldiers ready to fight for the humanity.

And you really want this nightmare to end so those kids would have the normal life, “I didn't know we're also planning to open an orphanage now.” he said, sarcasm perfectly implied.

“Quit talking as if you don't like them.”

“If you want children we can make a lot.” he playfully dipped his head down to press his lips on yours and you hold onto his hair as you returned his kisses, when he pulled away, his grey eyes were sparkling as a small smile made its way across his lips.

“God, I’ve never met someone like you.”

“Because everyone in this world is different and there isn’t another face like mine? Duh?”

Levi stared at you, left dumbfounded of how you sassily replied to his heartwarming statement, “You're picking up my attitude, it's alarming.” he sighed pinching your nose as you slapped his hand away.

“Your fault not mine.” You glared with a pout.

End of Flashback

“You can't sleep because our brats are waiting, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Jean, Sasha and Connie is waiting for us to be back. We'll still eliminate the titans right? We have so much plans baby, don't leave me please.”

“I'm sorry Levi.”

°°°°°°

“Captain...” Levi lazily looked back at him just to see Armin standing awkwardly as he rubbed his nape, “You should eat and go get some sleep.” Armin told him politely, the blond teen doesn't want to make the Captain mad especially he knows what Levi is going through.

“No. Leave my office now.”

“Captain, we know that it's not easy but you can't sacrifice your health.” Eren appeared bebind Armin and soon after, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie and Jean appeared, each one of them carrying different kind of food but Sasha is holding a container of water because the others forbid him in bringing the food, knowing that she might get tempted to eat it.

“Leave me alone and let me work in my office quietly loud brats. None of you knows what I feel.”

“We do. You're not the only one who's sad, we missed Captain YN too but this is beyond our control. The least we can do is to take care of you because we know that she wouldn't want you to be like this.” Mikasa said, her voice devoid of any emotions as she walked towards the Captain as she placed down a tray of food on top of his table.

“We believe that you're old enough to eat by yourself and we wouldn't have to shove that spoon on your mouth just so you could eat.” Mikasa looked at the Captain blankly and when Levi looked up at her, he narrowed his eyes.

“It's really scary how you sounded like me some times, fine, I'll eat so you brats would shut up.”

The teens' faces lit up as they watch Levi eat, he still doesn't look like his usual self because of what happened but they're all not fine but they also knew that they will be.

“Levi! Captain YN is awake.” Hanji said in between hear breaths, Levi didn't respond and left his unfinished food while the teens followed him, running so they could match his pace.

Levi opened the door of the room and he saw you sitting on the bed, the bandage was still on your head, there was a clueless look on your face when your gaze landed at him and Levi immediately ran to hug you tightly.

You let out a sound of surprise and Levi pulled away thinking that he hurt you. “I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened to us? Do you want some water?” you smiled and shook your head, your gaze landed at the flower vase beside your table and Levi saw how your eyes sparkled when you saw the white Carnation.

“I recognize this flower...” you whispered in a soft voice, you reached out for the flower vase before glancing at the man next to you.

“But I don't know you. Who are you?”

The moment you said that, the teens arrived and they heard everything you said. You heard their gasps and you innocently looked up at them, “Hello kiddos, the nurse told me that I've been out for two weeks. I think I missed something, this man suddenly came in here to hug me.” Armin felt cold sweats on his forehead, he doesn't have any idea how to handle this situation especially they saw how heartbroken Levi is.

“Captain, he's your—” before Jean could even finish his sentence, Levi already cut him off, “Leave, brats. Let me talk to her alone.” you frowned at him before glancing at the kids, “Sir, you're not even suppose to be here. Why are you asking them to leave? I know them.” Eren didn't have to hear Levi's reply to you, he just dragged his friends away from that room, scared of what would happen next.

The room was filled with deafening silence after the teens left, Levi was looking down as his breathing got heavier at every minute that passes by while you were still sat on the bed still looking at him cluelessly.

“You don't have to remember me, just let me take care of you, this is better than losing you completely.” he whispered as he took the flower vase from you, placing it back to where it was. “Do you remember anything aside from the kids? Like how you got injured?” he spoke in a calmest way he could even if he's damn broken inside, the first thing he had imagine once you wake up is you hugging him, telling him that you're not leaving him just like what you've promised but here he is sitting on a chair beside your bed while you don't remember him.

When he didn't get any response from you he decided to stand up as his grey eyes got dulled again, it lost the sparks it has earlier.

“You're probably uncomfortable of having a stranger here. I'll go get the nurse.” he turned his back on you to leave but he heard your voice.

“Levi Ackerman, you'll just leave your girlfriend like this then?”

It only took him three seconds to return to where he was, his arms immediately wrapped around yours as he sobbed on the crook of your neck. “I was at the end of my wits, the whole world can forget about me but not you. Don't pull that shit again.” he scolded, you wanted to chuckle or laugh but you couldn't because you heard his sobs, he's like a child as he hug you tightly as if scared that you'll suddenly disappear.

You slowly pushed him away and wiped away his tears as you comb his hair, brushing off some strands of his hair that's hiding his eyes from you. “Sorry, it was a joke and it's obviously not funny.” Levi sighed as he closed his eyes before a low chuckle escaped from his lips, “I can't believe you even picked up my terrible sense of humour.” he whispered weakly as he pulled you close for another hug. For two hellish weeks he drowned himself in paperworks and in between those times he'll be looking after you while you sleep and it drained him a lot.

“You lost weight.” you stated. You memorized every inch of Levi's body and 2 weeks of being unconscious wouldn't change that fact, you knew that he lost weight, those dark circles around his eyes also suggests the fact that he didn't have lots of sleep.

“You scared me.”

“Where was the guy who told me once that he has nothing to be afraid of 'cause he got nothing to lose?” you brows raised and Levi rolled his eyes before leaning in to kiss you quickly.

“Brat, I have nothing to lose.” He touched your head, his grey eyes looking down on yours as a genuine smile made its way across his lips. “Or at least once had nothing to lose.” he whispered before cupping your face for another kiss, much longer than the first ones, it was also slower as if he's still trying to make sure that everything is real, he's still trying to make sure that his worst nighmare wouldn't happen.

His nightmare where he lost you.

[devinetheory-2]

Theories of the Devine

When you were gone

I thought about you often...

I never thought my resolve

For you

would ever soften

Living in our unforgiven sins

Dreaming bout

the woulda coulda shoulda been

Forgetting to do the work

And us

is what it cost us...

And we're not one

to fuck with caution

Staying up all night

Trying to get right

Plus false pride

is how we lost us

No red tape

Ready to fall in

Had me convinced

That we were all in

Really don't want to "life" today

Is there any way

We can just call in

Then wondering why

there's no options

And there's nothing

in my wallet

We gotta eat

Starving aint how I envisioned

Me to end this life of mine

So we turned to a life of crime

after so much time

I guess you had forgotten

That he dont give up

he dont let nothing stop him

even tho his demons

keep him boxed in

used to get high

to keep from falling

Closer to God

unconvinced he hears me scream

But when we scream

we cant hear him calling

I thought that drugs

would make me forget

The times you lied to me

Then I thought sobriety

would solve

All my problems

So much work to do on me

Why even bother

Learned behaviors

Mentally unstable

Love is a fairies fable

Fucking movie prop dust

Not many learn to survive

When its do or die

When it was the world against

Just you and I

I dont need you to show me

I know the unholy

lies that hide behind

the mind of these

blue-eyed wanna be Sinatra's

So He broke you

But

I'm obnoxious?

I only confide and trust

in raw ones

we ride towards the Lost Son

yeah they might win some

but they might have just lost one

thinking one of my Offspring

already off sprung

inhale the sativa

prepare to cough lung

No use crying over lost funds

Don't believe the hype

It all comes back

And I always fall for their type

I always choose the wrong ones

Lately been Inconsistant with it

When it comes to my direction

With my career and these bitches

I'm on and I'm off one

This ship is not sunk

At least I can withdraw funds

getting high as the sky does

While I ride with my guns

I know acting out like this

Might lose its appeal

But I didn't get to brace myself

Before the truth was revaled

I Needed time to process

The prospect to heal

Witness indifferent to stop it

There is no logic in fear

You looking for me

I'm probably not here

Probably wishing on a star

For the words you'll never hear

You told me

you'd be my one

And I thought that

was awesome

I believed now I'm done

And I knew from day one

We had problems

But i thought together

We could solve them

Lately our talks

been getting darker

And our days been getting harder

All them other motherfuckers

are impostors

The context of our relationship

Probably decomposing in my locker

She wanna leave i can't stop her

She wanna cheat i cant stop her

Pointing out her wrongs only

Creates another monster

The real you confined in an outline of chalk dust

Nobody teach a lesson quite

Like the law does

We let it off the leash

Should probably call a doctor

Prolly need a shock collar

Prolly need another shot of vodka

Prolly should have kept me locked up

Probably should have called the cops up probably should accept the fact that I'm stuck

But being stuck with her

Is most times fun

Regardless of it all

Not too many out there like me

When I'm all in

Its for the long run....

-Devine Theory

[braincoins]

“But Socks!” you, as the convenient strawperson, exclaim, “as much as I’d love to read your Dragon Age stuff, I’ve never played Origins and/or Awakening! I don’t really know anything about Grey Wardens or the events of those games!”

Well all you had to do was ask, Convenient Strawperson-chan! ^_^ I know Grey Wardens play some small part in DA:I, which seems to be the game most people have played, but I’ll just start from the beginning. I’ll also be including personal headcanons that come up in Dragon Age: Schism, though I will mark them as such.

Under a cut for the sake of people’s dashes. Consider this a first post in a series. (I’ll answer questions that non-strawpeople want to ask, too!)

So, really now, what is a Grey Warden? Well, that depends on who you ask. To most people outside the order, the Grey Wardens are a glorious order of noble heroes! And why is that? Well, they’re immune to the darkspawn taint (which usually kills people) and so they can safely slay darkspawn! They’re also the only ones who can stop Blights!! ...though this last bit of information is often forgotten, given that Blights happen once every few centuries. 

If you ask me, the Grey Wardens are the biggest dick move in Thedas, which is actually part of why I love them. Here’s all the downsides to joining this “glorious order”: 

First of all, the Right of Conscription. Ferelden has it; not sure if other nations in Thedas do? Anyway, it means that Grey Wardens can recruit anyone at any time. In practice, they have to be careful how they wield this tool (especially in Ferelden), but the RoC has been used to save people from hangings or other deadly fates... on the condition that they become a Warden Recruit. So... didn’t want to be Warden Recruit? TOO BAD, YOU ARE NOW. And no, you don’t get a say in the RoC. 

Second of all, there’s the Joining. It turns out that, in order to become a Grey Warden, you have to drink darkspawn blood. And a bunch of other stuff in there, but really now, DRINKING DARKSPAWN BLOOD. You might recognize this as a stupidly dangerous thing to do, given that darkspawn blood KILLS THINGS. But your options are drink it or die, because the Grey Wardens present at the Joining will kill you if you try to back out after learning about this. If you drink from the Joining chalice, you also might die, but your name will be remembered as a Grey Warden at least? Even though you’re dead. And hey, if you live, you... become “immune” to the darkspawn taint, which is to say you’re already fucking tainted so it’s not like it can get worse. Want to know why the Grey Wardens don’t tell people they’re gonna make them drink darkspawn blood? Well, if they did that, people wouldn’t want to join, and we need Grey Wardens. 

Supposing you survive the Joining, there’s the shortened lifespan (10-30 years depending on your sources; my headcanon is just straight up 10-ish years) and the nightmares (that maybe you can learn to tune out). Again, they don’t tell you this until afterwards. Why? Because then people might not want to become Grey Wardens... yadda yadda.

Oh, and forget about having kids! It’s very difficult if not impossible to have children as a Grey Warden! 

At some point, even if you were able to tune the nightmares out, they’ll come back and there’ll be nothing you can do about it. That’s the first sign of The Calling. Because it turns out that the Joining is really just turning you into a ghoul, except very, very slowly. You’re getting close to Ghoul-dom now. Most Grey Wardens choose to die in battle against the darkspawn rather than waiting to be turned. It’s tradition. 

And if there’s a Blight going on? Oh, well, it turns out that the only way to kill an Archdemon is to sacrifice a Grey Warden. Why didn’t they tell you? DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK NOW?!

The motto of the Grey Wardens is “In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice.” 

So what I’m saying is that Grey Wardens are SUPER TRAGIC BADASSES. They also wind up pretty cut off from their former lives, so the Wardens become their family. So, basically, SUPER TRAGIC BADASS FOUND FAMILY. I really don’t see how I was not supposed to love them immediately. 

They still have this reputation of “glory” and all that, but so many of their recruits were thieves or ne’er-do-wells saved from the gallows by the RoC. If you look at just the Wardens we have at the end of Awakening (and this is my list, i.e., the Wardens we have in Dragon Age: Schism):

The Warden (aka the Player Character): the Hero of Ferelden, but may have come from questionable backgrounds, depending on the origin you picked. Duncan might even have had to RoC you. If nothing else, much of Ferelden believed Loghain’s lies that the Wardens were traitors and murderers of beloved King Cailan, and that’s a hard thing to come out from under. In the case of Kivral, she’s a Dalish elf, and elves are... not exactly much beloved, the Dalish even less so, as they’re often painted as “savages.” 

Alistair: King Cailan’s half-brother, thanks to their father, King Maric, getting a little something in on the side (”You’re not just a bastard, you’re a royal bastard?”). Kivral didn’t put him on the throne, but you can if you want in your game. In any case, despite being the most experienced Warden in the group (he Joined six months before the PC), he prefers to follow and let the PC lead. Also in love with Kivral (again: my choice; you can romance someone else in your game), who’s head over heels for him. His mere existence is a threat to the throne. 

Nathaniel Howe: Son of Arl Rendon Howe, who backed Loghain and was, in pretty much all ways, a motherfucking asshole. Nate shows up trying to steal shit from the keep Queen Anora granted the Wardens, even though he insists he wasn’t stealing because it’s his stuff. The seneschal at the time wants to hang him. Kivral decided he’d undergo the Joining instead. Along the way, Nate learns about his father’s actions, comes to accept that, yes, his father was a sonuvabitch, and even pays special attention to non-noble/non-human companions, learning about the privilege he’s had most of his life.

Anders: When you first meet Anders, he’s surrounded by dead Templars and dead darkspawn. He swears forwards and backwards that the darkspawn killed the Templars and then he killed the darkspawn. REALLY. Even though he had run away from the Circle and was being hauled back there by those same Templars. In fact, a Templar shows up and wants to drag him off, but you can call RoC and recruit him instead. And also give him a kitten. 

Velanna: Dalish mage exiled from her clan, even though she was the Keeper’s first - i.e., in line to be the next Keeper. She’s trying to find her sister, and that’s the only reason she signs on with you. HATES HUMANS. HAAAAAAAATES HUMANS. SO FUCKING MUCH. HATES THEM. Not exactly a “people person.” Like, at all.

Sigrun: Casteless dwarf who joined THE LEGION OF THE DEAD. In other words, a fucking badass already. But she’s also this adorable ray of sunshine? Like... her life sucked so she made the choice to consider herself already dead and then you can get her to join the Wardens who are basically Dead People Walking, just on the surface. 

Oghren: One of your companions from Origins. A drunken, lecherous pervert of a dwarf, but he also unlocks the Berserker specialization for warriors in DA:O. He basically just shows up near the beginning of Awakening and is like, “Hey, I had fun killing shit with you and I wanna do more of it.”

Justice: Not in Schism, but mentioned in the notes: Justice is literally the Spirit of Justice who has taken over the corpse of a Grey Warden named Kristoff. In regular Dragon Age canon, Justice eventually leaves Kristoff’s corpse and hitches a ride with Anders, whose anger at the Chantry and the general treatment of mages turns him into VENGEANCE. In Schism, Justice departs back to the spirit world.

But I give you this list for a reason: thieves, exiles, casteless, apostates. These are the Great and Glorious Grey Wardens we’re dealing with here. Even Duncan, Maker watch over him, was a rogue and a thief before he became a Grey Warden and eventually rose to Warden-Commander of Ferelden. 

In the time period of Dragon Age: Schism, the people of Ferelden are still recovering from the Blight, from the death of their king, from Loghain’s claims of Grey Warden treachery, etc. Many generations before, there was a Grey Warden rebellion against the then-king, Arland, for his tyrannical ways. The Wardens were slaughtered - either by the king’s troops or by the demons that the Warden mage Avernus summoned in desperation - and the Warden Order was cast out of Ferelden until King Maric assumed the throne and allowed them back in. He even reinstated their Right of Conscription (though, again, you can’t just RoC anyone and everyone all the time; that’s a good way to get it - and possibly the Order again - revoked real quick).

So the Wardens are on shaky ground in Ferelden, where our story is set and centered (just as in Origins/Awakening). There aren’t many of them (see list above because - again, aside from Justice - that’s literally all of them in the entire country) and people are still sort of side-eyeing them. They have Queen Anora’s support, but even that’s shaky, especially while Alistair - who could have taken the throne in her place - is still alive and kicking. The leader of the Wardens of Ferelden may also be the Hero of Ferelden, but, in the case of Schism-verse, is also a “knife-ear” (as the slur goes), and not Andrastian (she’s not Fantasy Christian, basically).  

[zankivich]

The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 6

a/n: Hi. I know no one reads this so not really gonna bother. Like if you liked. Reblog if you care at all. Maybe buy my broke as a ko-fi so I can survive this semester? K bye. 

WARNINGS: Soft smut? 

*Shawn’s point of view*

A night out on the town is exactly what he needed. When his best friend Brian flew to town, it meant to clear his schedule and probably have 911 on speed dial for any ambulance like purposes. With the state of his relationship with his dad at the time, he was in desperate need for things to make sense again. And they weren’t. They just fucking weren’t. Enter Brian.

“Shawn motherfucking mendes! Did you miss me? Tell me you missed me!” His best friend snorted practically hopping into his arms in the middle of JFK

“Not enough to carry your dumb ass,  get the fuck of me!” He chuckled.

“I am so fucking excited to be back in this city man. The pussy is just something different out here, ya know? Now if only my best friend flew me out more than once a year.”

He threw Brian’s bags into the trunk of his car and ignored his best, but idioctic, friend.

“Yea, I invite your ass out here more than once a year and my dad will have both of our asses. That’s assuming you don’t kill us first.”

“You wake up in Tijuana one time, and suddenly I’m a bad influence?”

“We were in the fucking Bahamas, Brian!”

“So, not my sharpest moment! I got us home didn’t I?”

“No, jackass, my dad got us home. You got chlaymdia and a fucking sunburn. Now get in the car before I leave your ginger ass here!”

“Fair, that’s fair.”

Brian had been on his soccer team in the first grade. They’d been best friends ever since. When his dad moved the entire family out to California, Brian was with them for every holiday and every break they could find. The two were inseparable. Brian was a jackass, and he got Shawn into far more trouble than he did anything good. But he was his best friend. He’d been there for him, the first time his dad cheated on his mom. The first time he got his heart broken. When his dad had taken everything from him. So, there was a loyalty between the two of them that was unmatched. They’d do anything for each other. Anything.

So, there’s no one else he’d rather sit on his couch with in the middle of the afternoon and smoke the kind of weed that made your knees numb. That’s the kind of friendship he needed.

“What the fuck have you been up to lately?” Brian coughed around the bowl. “I haven’t heard from you in forever.”

He chuckled up at the ceiling which was maybe the most prettiest ceiling he’d ever seen. Wow.

“Man, my dad is totally up my ass about ‘ continuing his legacy’. I like ‘work’ now. Real shit. And then... I’ve been fucking honest to god the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Not enough hours in the day I guess.”

“Yea, what else is new?”

He shook his head. “Nah bro. You don’t understand. Like even I don’t know how I pulled her. She’s thirty years old. My dad’s fucking terrified of her. She got three of the top artists of the year under her belt, and she lets me make her cum until she passes out. It’s fucking addicting.”

Brian passed the bowl, and Shawn worked on taking three big hits, the smoke filling his lungs and taking over his whole body.

“Hold up. You’re fucking the same chick like...consistently? Since fucking when?”

“Since...Since she gave me the best orgasm of my entire life? Since...I don’t know, since my dad makes me so fucking stressed all the time I feel like I’m gonna explode. I mean it man, it’s bad. It’s worse than I ever could’ve imagined.”

Brian, for all the jackass that he definitely was, still turned to his friend and gave him a glance check of wellness. That glance to look for damage, to look for signs of mental distress, of pain. Brian knew. He always knew better than anyone.

“Then why don’t you just tell him to stick his job up his ass, man? You knew you didn’t want this from the beginning. You can get out from under him!”

They’d had this conversation since Shawn had turned twenty-one and his dad insisted he start learning the ropes. The company would be his one day, assuming he stuck it out until his old man keeled over.

“I can’t. He’s got me; we both know it. I either fall in line and get my inheritance next year, or I leave now and I’m fucked. H--He promised he’d give me my masters then. He promised.”

“Yea, but your dad is maybe the most evil bastard I’ve ever met. No offense. I just don’t want to see you waste your life away doing this shit that makes you unhappy only to find out that it wasn’t even worth it in the end.”

“I know man,” He responded glumly. “I know.”

Too somber of a topic for getting high, they each settle a little more bonelessly into the couch and lean on each other’s shoulders as the high take it’s full effect.

“So the Shawn Mendes is fucking the same girl on the daily? You two exclusive or something?”

“Nah man we just...have an understanding. We lead really stressed out lives. I kind of want to boss someone around a little bit, and she wants to not have to give any orders for a change. We just work well.” He shrugged.

“Oh, so it’s just casual sex then?”

“Yea...Casual. Sure.”

“Well, you don’t sound so sure.” Brian snorted. “You catching feelings or something?”

“No! No. I--I’m not, man. She’s just weird. She’s not like the girls I usually fuck around with. She’s a little harder to read.” He shrugged.

“No shit, man she’s fucking thirty!”

He didn’t know if he should tell Brian about Miami. About holding her during the show. How they slept together, just slept, in her hotel room. How it was the most well rested he’d felt in months. It wasn’t the conversations they usually had. Shawn hadn’t had a serious girlfriend in over three years, and there was a reason for that. Women were too much of a headache, always wanted more than you could give them. As long as he was single, he was in control. And it wasn’t like y/n even wanted to be with him. Half the time he couldn’t figure out if she hated him still, if she still viewed him as just an extension of his father. The part of him that wanted to change that, that wanted her to view him at something else, didn’t vibe well with the voice in his head that kept reminding him it wasn’t supposed to matter.

So, they get dressed up. Shawn orders them a car to stop at all the places in NYC that one only went to if they had money, power, fame, or some combo of the three. The city was his stomping ground of sorts. He felt good there, much better than he did in LA. Things can move just as fast in LA, but somehow it feels a little less artificial. Maybe it isn’t, maybe he’s an idiot, but he doesn’t really care. Just needs to not think for a while.

***

*y/n’s point of view*

Friendship dates are instrumental when you work together. It’s important to have a space that isn’t dominated by work or business. So, once a week, as long as your schedule permitted it, you and Tiana would just go for best friend time. It could be  drinks, dinner, a movie, a yoga class when you were both feeling particularly dumb. On this week’s agenda you were taking a sculpting class. You liked clay, and Tiana liked the fact that they served wine. It was easily a win-win situation.

“So… How was Florida?”

Your hands stumbled on the piece of clay you had been in the middle of scoring and you definitely ripped a whole in it. Idiot.

“Florida? Why do you ask? What happened in Florida? Nothing.”

She raised an eyebrow and stared at you like you were crazy. Maybe you were crazy.

“Bitch is you crazy?” She snorted.

Fair.

“Bitch you the one asking dumb ass questions.”

“Mhmmm . . . So I spoke to Mike the other day.”

You paused in your work and looked over to see her twirling her little wine glass in her hands like the rude little gremlin she was.

“Is that so?” You huffed. “Spit it out, wench.”

“Oh don’t mind me. My niggas barely uber to see me. Let alone fly by jet.”

“Oh for fucks sake. You and Mike gossip more than my mama and her friends.”

She cackled and took a sip from her glass. “And we love it, sis! Now if you don’t unbunch your soaked ass panties and start sharing details, I swear fo’ god. What are best friends for anyway?”

“There is nothing to tell, heffer.” you sighed going back to your precious clay. “He just needed some very specific release and came to Miami to get it.”

“Yea? Well Mike says he stayed through Orlando.”

“Mike needs to keep his mouth shut before he gets fired.”

“Why would you lie to me of all people. Who am I gone tell about you and Shawn Mendes’ rendezvous?”

You rolled your eyes and threw your tools to the table. In hindsight, Shawn had been burning a whole in your mind the past few months. And you hadn’t talked about it all, had no one you could really share it with. Tiana was your ride or die. If there was anyone in the world you could talk to? It was her.

“Okay. Okay fine.” You sighed. “I was kidding though. He was really frustrated and he didn’t want to wait for me to come back to NYC. So I jokingly told him he could come to Miami. I didn’t know his ass was going to show up! And when he did...we fucked at first. And it was fine. It was good like it always is but then…”

“Oooo. Bitch don’t clam up at the good part. What happened next?” She encouraged.

“You know when Ariana does needy and the moon rises and it’s like kind of a romantic, maybe sad, bop?”

“Yes?”

“Well...You know how I get into my feelings sometimes. I guess I maybe leaned my head on his shoulder a little bit. And then he--he wrapped his arms around me. For the rest of the show. Even Break free. Didn’t take his arms away the whole time... That’s weird right? Like why would he do that?”

“Because he has sipped from the valleys of the African diaspora  and he is hooked, bitch!”

Tiana bust out laughing getting them dirty looks once again from the white women who came there to nurse their minor alcoholism. Oh well.

“Very funny. I’m serious, Ti!” You whined. “I don’t...do this. I don’t know how to do anything but hooks up. And with a man almost six years younger than me?”

“So you want to date him?”

“No!” You hissed beneath your breath. “No...well I mean I don’t know. It doesn’t matter because he doesn’t want to date me okay. It was just a lapse in judgement.”

“Yea, okay. I’ll be the judge of that. Tell me what the hell else happened?”

“Well we spent like three or four days together. And he just kind of hung out while I worked. And we had sex...a lot. Like three or four times a day. It was so intense. And then every night for the show we would go out and watch and he kept putting his arms around me. What the fuck does that mean, Ti? ”

“It meannnns he likes you bitch.” Ti rolled her eyes. “What else could it mean?”

“You know who we’re talking about here. It’s Shawn. Shawn doesn’t do anything but get women into bed with them. We both know that.”

“Yes. We also both knew that he didn’t hook up with a woman more than once. You two have been screwing longer than most of your past relationships. So let’s stop pretending that we’ve got this white boy squared up when obviously we don’t.”

You sighed letting your face come to rest on your clay covered hands.

“I just...I can’t afford to let him catch me slipping, Ti. Whether I like him or not doesn’t matter. I can’t let his dad get in the way of my goals.”

Tiana nodded and placed her wine glass down to take your hand in hers.

“Girl, I get it. White men are trash and as much as we make fun of them, there is a fear there that we cannot let go of. But you cannot, I repeat, you cannot let that man dictate your life. He’s not worth it. He’s had not a damn thing to do with your success, and he will not lead to your downfall. Now if Shawn turns out to be more than what we thought he was, then let that be enough. Don’t ruin it for Manny’s sake. He doesn’t deserve that much of your energy.”

And that was why she was your best friend. She was the most intelligent person you knew. She was funny and wild and crazy, but she kept you centered in a way that no one else could. And she always made shit make sense. Even when you were fought it with every fiber of your being. There was no use. Tiana was always right.

“Yea, okay. Let’s just let it die for now. I don’t think even Shawn knows what he wants yet tbh. No reason for me to think too much into it now.”

“Whatever you say sis. whatever you say.”

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

It’s dark. There are bodies everywhere and the strobe lights illuminate a face every once in awhile. Brian’s talking to some blonde that’s five inches taller than him. There’s a brunette to his right that keeps whispering in his ear and playing with his hair. He’s not drunk enough for this. His whole vibe is off, and he’s not quite sure why. Why can’t he fall back into who he’s always been.

“Do you wanna take me home tonight?” She murmured wrapping one of his curls around her finger.

He snorted. “I don’t exactly take people home sweetheart.”

“Oh...Well, do you wanna come over to mine? I live close by.”

“Yea, maybe later. I’m gonna get another drink, you want one?”

“S--Sure. Thank you.”

He slides off the couch in search of more bottle service. He’s got a feeling that there might not be enough in the state.

Brian finds him searching for answers in a shot glass. He slides his hands sloppily along his shoulders and he already knows what he’s about to say.

“Bro! This chick’s all over me. Can I use your spare room?”

He shrugs. “Sure, whatever man.”

“What about your girl? You ready to go back?”

“I don’t know man. I’m just not feeling it.”

Brian’s eyes widened in confusion. “The fuck is there not to feel? Just pull your dick out and find friction.”

“Just go grab your girl and let’s get the fuck out of here, aye?”

He tried to focus his eyes on his, which just resulted in his head wobbling a little bit. Shawn sure hoped he didn’t have whiskey dick, cause he’d never heard the end of it.

“You seriously not getting any tonight?”

Oh he was getting some. Just not the likes of what NYC’s latest size negative two of the month had to offer.

Apparently Blondy and Brunette are friends. When Brunette finds out Blondy is getting in the car, and she isn’t there’s a little bit of a hick up. Somehow Brian still convinces Blondy to get into the car. His best friend might have at least mediocre game. The ride back is full of obscene kissing noises, and Brian trying to convince this poor woman he’s going to be able to make her cum tonight. Home couldn’t come fast enough.

Shawn: come over.

y/n: oooo I feel like Cinderella being cuarted at the ball.

y/n: Negro it is one am. No.

Shawn: I’ll send you a car. Come in those horrid little fluffy pjs I saw in your suitcase in Orlando. Idc. I’d get you a pumpkin carriage but I think the dealership might be fresh out of those.

y/n: YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THOSE. YOU WERE NOT INVITED TO THE TOUR.

Shawn: Please? I’m too drunk to argue with you. My best friend is about to seriously dissapoint this poor woman tonight in my guest bedroom, and it’s gonna fuck up the whole vibe of my space. Some good sex must be had tonight.

y/n: the amount of bullshit that comes out of your mouth on a daily basis. Truly remarkable.

Shawn: I’m sending you a car. You don’t even have to take your bonnet off.

y/n: You are not fucking me with my bonnet on. My black grandmama anscestors would haunt my ass with negro spirituals for the rest of eternity.

Shawn: Noted. I’ll see you in forty five?

y/n: Ugh. Whatever.

Fucking finally.

***

He’s still in his jeans from the club and reclining on his bed as the alcohol races through his system when the app alerts him that she’s on her way up from the lobby. Thank god for fancy passcodes that mean he doesn’t have to let her in. He lurches up out of bed to meet her at the door. His guest bedroom is on the other side of the apartment, and he’s hopeful that the sounds won’t make it over to them. He just wants to focus on her tonight. Nothing else.

Since their weird little bubble in Florida, they hadn’t talked about any of it. Y/n arrived back in town and immediately asked to be tied up, gagged, and whatever else meant that they were focused on nothing but the bedroom. It didn’t hurt his feelings at all. This is what they were good at. This was the whole point of everything that they were right? Not to make things complicated but just to fuck and to let themselves release everything out into the bedroom. And that’s exactly what they were going to do tonight. He would make sure of it.

On the other side of the door, she’s standing there in tennis shoes and all silk pajamas. It’s a short and camisole nighty combo that he has every intention of ripping with his bare hands. But it’s cute. She’s cute.

“You went out tonight.” She notes, her eyes raking over him until he’s twitchy and needy.

He nodded. “Yea.”

“Did you hook up with someone?”

Something about the fact that he’s had something to drink just tells him to be honest. He can see her, maybe even more clearly than he was used to, and he had not a single ability in the world to bullshit her anymore. Not tonight.

“No. No I didn’t. There was a girl there who tried, who wanted to come back with me, and I--I thought about it. I did.” He hummed. “But I texted you instead.”

He can tell she wasn’t ready for the honesty. He can see the way her jaw untightens just slightly, the way she relaxed just barely. Who the fuck is either of them kidding?

“Explain to me why I’m here again?” She asked cocking her hip against his door.

She had braids in again. He didn’t know how to tell her that he’d been thanking God for protective styles since she flipped them over her shoulder that one time while she rode him into her desk chair. He was dangerously drunk.

“Stop talking. Come here.”

He cups his palm around the back of his neck and pulls her lips against his. She releases a little half whimper half sigh when he bites her bottom lip and moves his tongue to where she needs him to go. They’re still halfway in his apartment and halfway in the hallway when he pulls her legs up around his waist and presses her into the wall next to his doorway. But she still gives him everything that he needs instantly. Still pushes her hips against his. Still scratches at his scalp like no one ever has. Still had a grip to her thighs that makes his mouth water and his dick hard. When her ass is filling his hands and then some, there’s not a question. That woman from the club wasn’t going to give him this. Wasn’t ever going to be able to make him feel the way that she could. So why fucking lose this?

He slammed the door shut and took her back to his room, body laid out perfectly amongst his sheets. His fingers reach for his belt, and she’s giggling as she kicks her shoes halfway across the room. She’s really beautiful when she smiles. Fuck.

She went to reach for her camisole and he was hopeless but to stop her. His hands locked around her wrists pinning her to the bed. And she peered up at him with those big ass eyes of her, wild and brown and blown with lust. But her skin is soft as a fucking feather. And her cheek bones sit high and prominent and perfect. Her lips are thick and plush and he knows there’s no filler in them because every time she kisses him it’s like heaven. And he’s drunk. He’s so fucking drunk. The problem is that way too much of it is just her, and that never used to be reason enough

He kisses her. But it’s not like it was at the doorway. It’s not like the first night they spent together, or any of the other kisses after that. It’s soft. It’s slow and methodical and searching. Her eyes flutter close and she parts her lips and this time her tongue is leading the charge. But he doesn’t stop her. Would never want to stop her from kissing him like this. His hands go lax on her wrists and she reaches to pull him closer instead. They fall flat on the bed, her body wrapping around his. He loses himself in her kiss, in her touch. She’s just there filling up every space that’s ever existed in his life And he wants her. God does he want her.

“Shawn.” She mumbled against his mouth.

“Shhh. Let me touch you.” He begged.

Her eyes softened and she nodded allowing him to rip that pretty camisole he’d been thinking about since he opened the door. That’s as rough as it gets. When he’s met with the soft skin of her breasts he can’t do anything but be tender. He roles her nipples between his thumbs, licks along the valley of her sternum, and her moans are incredible. He’s stuck on her. And the one way to work through that, the only way to not fall consumed by her, is to touch and lick and kiss. And she lets him. Lets him and lets him and lets him.

“Touch me.” She gasps.

And so he touches.

***

The sun streams through his curtains, and it’s the second thing that wakes him up that morning. The first is the warm body pressed against his chest. When she wakes up in the morning she stretches her whole body, but it all originates from her spine. It makes her look a little bit like a fish out of water, or a mermaid. But he kind of likes it. This time her stretch sends her deeper into his arms, and he’s totally okay with that. Her eyes open and they stare at each other. It’s silent. Just the two of them. After that.

“Hi.” She whispered snuggling a little deeper into his pillow.

He licked his bottom lip, voice tired from lack of use. “Hi.”

“Do we....Do we talk about what that was?”

“Really? This early and you already wanna talk?” He smirked.

“It’s in my blood. Don’t make fun of me.”

She flicks his bicep and it’s the most ridiculous thing he could ever imagine. It’s too early to deal with her ridiculousness.

“I’m hungry.” He sighed and rolled over onto his back.

“Well get to cookin. The movie where the black woman serves the white man is a straight to dvd feature, and I am only interested in box office hits.”

“Well that sounds lovely, however I meant much more of the, ‘you riding my face until you cum’ type hunger. Or is that not high enough at the box office for you?”

“Hmm...well we certainly can try!”

He can’t help but laugh as she settles her thighs over either side of his head. Her thighs are things of miracles and he’s just a bit obsessed with them, just a bit obsessed with her. His hands settled on her hips and he can’t help but look up at the way the sun hits her chest and face. She’s beautiful.

His tongue traces languidly at her heat. He’s not interested in driving her up a wall this early in the morning. Just wants to fuck her through the fog of their wake up. So, he licks deep into her. He lets his tongue dip inside and then runs the flat of it against against the entire length of her pussy. Her clit is already erect and at attention. He settles his hands onto her knees and rubs at her thighs. She plays with his hair and grinds slowly against his tongue as they work her towards her release.

“Fucking shit, Shawn,” She whined. “That’s so good.”

He tilts his chin up and follows her shaking hips, his lips attached to her clit. He just wants to devour her.

“Baby I--I’m gonna cum!”

She’s never called him baby before. Not once. And it sparks a reaction that neither of them could have seen coming. He flips her over onto her back--thank god for neck and back day--and chases her pussy like it’s the last coke in the desert. It might very well be.

“Oh--Yes! Yes!”

The knock on the door can’t come at a worse fucking time.

He pulled back and wiped at his mouth eyes still completely zoned in on what’s happening between her legs.

“NOT FUCKING NOW BRIAN!”

Her fingers dig into his hair and pull him back between her thighs. It’s hotter than he could imagine.

“Bro I just need to borrow your jeep for like thirty--an hour--two hours tops !”

He pulled away from her with a slurp. “You touch that fucking jeep and it’s the last thing you’ll ever do!”

“Melanie has to get to a study group for her philosophy class!”

“Who the entire FUCK is Melanie?!”

Her fingers are in his hair again. She leans up to nuzzle his throat with her perfect lips and take his ear lobe between her teeth.

“Can we please? You got on a private jet to visit me in Miami. I think a jeep is the least of your concerns.”

He whined and nuzzled back against her softly. “I love that car.”

“Maybe work on loving this pussy a little more?”

Well that was certainly doable.

“Yea, okay.”

*five minutes later*

“Okay! Well uh...I’m just gonna take the jeep. I’ll bring it back, bro promise!”

He pulled back one more time. “Get the hell out of here, Brian!”

“Jesus Brian! GO!” She yelled in unison.

….

“Tough crowd!”

***

“Shawn, I’ve got to go!” She giggled.

He was much more interested in kissing his way along her neck and collarbones.

“Mmmm. No.”

“I have a brunch with a very important client, and thanks to you I’m going back to my house in a dumb man shirt.”

He snorted and ran his tongue along the length of the collar.

“This is saint laurent.”

“This is me leaving!” She insisted tugging out of his grasp.

He followed her to the door, the length of her braids only bringing more attention to the way her ass swayed in those shorts. Jesus.

“Can I ask you something? Before you go?”

She paused at the door and turned to him, letting her back rest against the wall.

“Sure.”

“You felt it last night, right? I’m not crazy, am I?”

She bit her lip, and shook her head softly. “No, you’re not crazy. I felt it.”

“And it means something, right? It is something?”

It takes a little longer to get a response out of her. But slowly but surely she nods at that too.

“Yea. I think it is.”

He took a deep breath trying to discern for himself whether he was about to fuck everything up. When his fingers mold to the apple of her cheek and she peers up at him with these big, soft eyes he knows there was never any choice for him. He’d been kidding himself since the beginning. This time when they kiss neither of them are holding back.He lets himself be gentle. He holds her against his chest and he doesn’t think at all about the consequences, or what it might look like. He just wants to kiss her silly. He does. She does the same for him.

He pulled back to check for fear of hesitance in her eyes. There is none. How is there none? And so he just...goes for it.

“I like you.” He admitted softly. “Like a lot.”

She ran her thumb along his lip, tugging at it  until it smacked back into place.

“I like you too. A lot.”

Her eyes are warm and soft even now. She’s so inviting and she just seems to pull the truth out of him with ease. He just wants to be honest with her. Even when it’s scary. Even when it doesn’t make sense.

“Well uh...I’m not gonna lie I don’t really know what it is you see in me. I--I know what I am. And I know what I can offer. For some girls it’s enough, but for you...I don’t know that it could be.”

“You don’t need to talk down to yourself to get me to like you Shawn.” She murmured.

He snorted. “I know that. I’m just saying what we both know. I know I can be an asshole, and a cocky asshole at that. But I can’t even think of touching a woman who isn’t you. I’ve never had that happen before. Not in my whole life. I guess I just--fuck. Will you go out with me? Like to dinner? As human beings that don’t just make each other cum.”

“Dinner hmmm?” She hummed.

“Yea, dinner.”

“You really want to be seen with me in public? What would your dad think?”

“I don’t...I don’t care what my dad thinks. I want to take you to dinner. Do you want to go with me?”

The pause she takes is long enough to kill him. For sure it is.

“I...Yea. I do.”

It brings a smile to his face against his better judgement. He didn't usually do smiles. Really got in the way of his image. A look of smug indifference was his go to. But this woman was quickly ruining everything he ever thought that he knew.

She lets him kiss her against the door. Let’s him hold her face in his hands. It feels good. Feels right.

“Hey, if we go on a date it’s not gonna stop you from domming me is it?”

He laughed. “Of course not.”

“Okay. You can kiss me again.”

“Thank you.”

Permanent taglist 

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Arrangement Taglist: 

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@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @shawnase @blackharry @shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp 

[anestheticrage]

Be you: Morgan Yu (a name so fitting Yu might forget you're not You) scientist extraordinaire, catchin’ some z's in your penthouse apartment. Got red in the eyes, and needles in the brain. Big Bro Yu calls to say how excited he is to stick more needles in Yu. we can roll with that. ride a helicopter to see the Title, press some buttons, move some crates, watch the doctor get eaten by a big ol’ black spider. typical day at the offi-

Be you: Morgan Yu, scientist extraordinaire, catchin so-  wait, wtf is going on? Who moved the cereal. also that’s one fake ass helicopter, and now a calendar is talking to Yu, and all the apples and coffee mugs are actually spiders, and your penthouse is a space station. this sounds like a job for the trusty wrench. Wait, did i accidentally click on System Shock…

become the paranoid monster you were always meant to be, and smash every inanimate object between Yu and that office. Stick with the disembodied voices, they’ll know what to do. Big Bro is happy you’re alive, but says Yu need to get your shit together and embrace your potential as the ultimate hybrid Cyberpunk alien god. expectations are high, but anxiety is higher. Calendar says fuck that, blow shit up. sounds like a plan. go meet calendar in person... err, machine, and realize it's you. Not Yu, you. Just you. Not to be confused with other Yu, or other you. You tells Yu that Yu were you, and that you said 'blow up everything', but other other you says run away. Wonder what Yu thinks?

hit snooze on your introspective personality crisis slash moral dilemma, cause it’s time to recycle. luckily people materials come in three easy to identify color coded cubes, and alien materials are a bouncy purple ball. Yu’d think this technology would be hard to come by, but luckily theres a cube n’ ball machine around every corner like its fucking Starbucks.

now the spiders are people, and the people are dead, and the dead are everywhere, and so are the spiders. adopt 'scream and run away' policy as a legitimate strategy, while trying to collect enough cubes and orbs to make more of the needles that got you here in the first place. hard to learn from history when JFK didn't actually die, and also oh right you have no M e M o R i E s

its a spider, its a wrench, its a SHOTGUN. oh how the turn tables have tided. feel unstoppable for all of 30 seconds until the floaty bois arrive and all the ammo is gone. fuck TriOptimum…. i mean Transtar, and their shitty ammo distribution. id almost rather fight plagues and rats with a foldable sword...

INTERMISSION 

oh shit wait Yu GET TO FLOAT IN SPACE WITH A JETPACK, MOTHERFUCKER, NEVER MIND I TAKE IT ALL BACK. it’s the one mechanic to save them all. nothing screams spacepunk dystopia like looting a mutilated corpse in the void. Glide around for about an hour to see all the locked doors at your disposal, get bored cause space is still just space, and now it’s time to get your boots back on the ground to sAvE tHe WoRlD or whatever You, Yu, and other You keep going on about. But first have an apple and a nice refreshing bottle of  - GOD DAMMIT WILL YOU STOP RIPPING OFF FACES EVERY 5 SECONDS

Big Bro and the calendar are at it again. yes yes, fate of the human race… brainwashing, needles, convoluted plots, evil experiments… got it got it. Pretend to be listening while you hack into every god damn email ever sent on this space station. oh shit you have an ex girlfriend and shes still alive. maybe you can get something out of all this bullshit after all. hopefully she has a kink for needle marks

up the non-elevator to turn on the elevator, to go back down another elevator, to the other elevator, that leads back to the first elevator that takes us to the door we were already at that needed to be opened to begin with. It’s almost like the physical maze of the space station is a metaphor for the complex labyrinth of morality for an individual with no true past and the fate of a species in their amnesiatic hands……..

maybe if there was as much ammo as there are loading screens on this fucking station we could have actually stopped this before space satan took over everything. 

and now there are glowy cobwebs everywhere sending mysterious premonitions that make it more obvious than ever that the disembodied voices are lying to Yu. shocker. 

grow some apples, play some dnd with dead people, unearth a black market smuggling ring, and participate in the best lesbian revenge plot since The Handmaiden. rescue Javik from his own stupidity and emotional distress cause Mozart is the key to happiness in the space apocalypse. Inevitably run out of side quests and cubes and orbs and needles and realize it’s time to get this whole saving the world business over with, so Yu can get some fucking sleep, and I can play SOMETHING FUN

The voices all agree Yu need to reboot the station. Oh hey it’s your nearly dead ex who controls the power button. Isn’t that convenient “have you tried turning it off and on again?” THANKS. DIDN’T THINK OF THAT. GLAD THAT DEGREE IS REALLY PAYING OFF. NO WONDER WE BROKE UP

turn it off and on again. oh... guess that worked.

Help your ex score some drugs to cure her Space Diabetes, only to find out that you (not Yu) murdered her dad for Science™

Now the fuzz is here via a series of bad decisions on everyones part, most specifically your parents for ever giving birth to Yu, but also other reasons such as: corporate evil, and plot holes. zap a bunch of flying robots and the guy who owns them cause honestly why have a difficult boss fight when literally every encounter has been. a. fucking. boss. fight. 

Finally meet up with Big Bro to get the kaboom key, get the biotic god pitch once again, continue to not speak to anyone and pretend you’re in a simulation (>.>) get interrupted by the ultimate eldritch horror. *see: 'scream and run away'

Back on the elevator for the hundredth time. God, I hate this thing. Check your ammo: empty. Check your health: dying. Check your brain: needles. Classic. Get out. Immediately come face to face with your own waking Nightmare. Jump back in the elevator. God, I love this thing.

Watch you and other Yu get into it one last time and finally decide to blow everything up or control Space Satan.

Roll Credits

WAIT ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, I JUST PUT LIKE 30 HOURS INTO THAT GAME, YOU CANT JUST CUCK ME WITH SOME 10 SECOND ENDI-

Be Yu/You???: strapped in a chair with Big Bro and the robo squad looking down at you. Verbally break down your choices almost like they were a morality scale in a convoluted and heavy handed video game. Realize your arms look like spiders. Realize you’re space jesus. #worthit

Big Bro offers you his hand so you can ask yourself one last time:

 "Who are Yu?"

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Second Incident (Kids, Monsters, D&D and Adults, Part 2.) (Part 27.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: As October came by again, your traditional family vacation did as well. And just like the last year, the things were about to go downhill. Yet that year, Hopper wanted to make sure you’re completely out of the game.

A/N: So, season 2 is here! We’re getting extremely close to bad Russians of 1985 and I’m getting more and more anxious about this fic.

Word count: 4.2 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @creedslove @missdictatorme (CHECK HER OUT, SHE’S SO LOVELY)

Master list: H E R E

The fourth of July at your parents’ was exquisite - you always had the greatest view from your garden and that year was no exception. The most exciting part was to shoot the fireworks on your own - which was your dad’s and Jim’s job. Eleven was sitting on your brother’s shoulders while you were snuggling to Hopper in the back as you watched the colors on the sky, drinking a beer. And it was the first evening your mother wasn’t looking at you with worries. Jim and your dad made the best burgers waiting for the fireworks to start blasting, you were preparing sweets with your mom, Aiden spent his time with his newfound niece, drawing with her.

You made a pact including you, Jim and partially your mom, who, of course, didn’t have to know everything - you needed to leave Eleven at that household way more often to have some time for kinky fucking. And you definitely felt more than ready to try out new things and to deepen your horizons.

From your thoughts about all of that kinky fucking Eleven woke you up. She was standing in front of you with a drawing, looking you in the eyes.

“For you from me.” - She peeped and you patted Hopper’s ass, sending him off to the garden and you walked with Eleven to the kitchen to have some more burgers. You were hungry as hell - but suddenly, you stopped as you watched that drawing.

It was you, Hopper, her, Aiden and your parents, all holding hands. It was a drawing looking a lot like stickmen, but with some nice details - there was that big red waistband you always wore on your wrist, Aiden had Go-Hawkins-Go! t-shirt and your mom had a big smile on her lips. And on top of that, there was written 'famili’ with a sweet grammar error. This one made you smile.

“Is this for me, baby?” - You whispered, looking at her with actual tears in your eyes. She smiled, nodding at you, stealing yet another cookie from the plate on the counter.

“This masterpiece will hang on my fridge until the day I die, I swear.” - You mumbled happily, kissing her forehead and bringing her for a hug. At that moment, you got why Joyce was showing Will’s rainbow spaceship to everyone who visited Melvald’s. You were extremely proud as you watched the drawing.

You and Joyce got pretty friendly since Hopper proposed to you, honestly. You went to Melvald’s for every small thing or when you just felt the need to talk with her, sometimes even going as far to visit her place to learn to cook something really good for Hopper and Eleven.

Since the Byers disappearance incident, as everyone in Hawkins called the event, you knew that her younger son, Will, had some problems - you knew that every first day in every month, Joyce, Will, and Hopper left somewhere for the whole afternoon, but you never asked about any details. You were sure that Hopper wouldn’t tell you - he was one sly motherfucker, he would find his way to throw you off the rails.

But when you were in their house, Will was always glad to try what you’ve cooked. You talked with that boy a lot, to be honest, and you needed to say… That the boy was pretty cool, telling you all about Dungeons and Dragons campaigns, having these pop-cultural references and he liked some cool music. He was looking weird, yeah, but he sure as hell was cool. And he always said you’re a great cook, so you liked him even more.

You hadn’t got too close to Jonathan, though. Not that you were trying too hard. He wasn’t too much of a social person, so you only greeted each other when you came and never talked until you said goodbye.

“You’re leaving for a vacation? Leaving Hopper all alone here? Are you sure that he won’t starve to death or something like that?” - Joyce smiled, making the mashed potatoes while you checked on the meat put in the oven. That day, you were showing her how to make your famous meatloaf Hopper talked about all the fucking time.

“I do so every year since I was born. Plus, I think Jim can take care of himself for two weeks… Not even that long.” - You rolled your eyes, grinning ironically. - “I noticed that Will has gone to the… Somewhere you’re taking him two times since October had started. Is everything alright?” - You asked and closed the oven once again.

“He’s… Having some episodes. The doctor is saying that it’s because it’s been a year since he disappeared, something like PTSD. I’m just trying to make everything easier for him now.” - Joyce hugged herself, lighting up a cigarette, offering you one as well. You wanted to say that you know what she had on her mind, but she didn’t know about Eleven. And you couldn’t tell her no matter what. And to say that you know how does she feel because you have a child as well… That would be extremely weird.

“It will get better, Joyce. Just… Don’t lose hope. Will’s a smart kid and a fighter.” - You said and hugged her, looking at your watch, sighing dramatically. - “Holy crap, it’s this late? I need to go. The meatloaf only needs ten more minutes and it’s done. Say the boys that I hope it would taste them.”

“You better go.” - Joyce agreed and made sure that she’d at least walk you out of the door.

“I’m going to North Dakota soon, to see my grandma and family and I almost forgot about it. I haven’t even packed yet! Cooking with you always makes me forget stuff. And say hi to Bob from me!” - You giggled and ran to your car, waving at her with your purse.

“Sure. Have a lovely holiday!” - Joyce watched as you slowly left her driveway in your old car.

Cheri Cheri Lady was playing all over the forest as you pulled off in the driveway, turning the engine off. Eleven was peeking at you through one of the curtains while Jim was opening the door for you already. they knew that every time a loud car pulls off in front of the cabin, it’s you. No-one from the lab was that stupid to let the radio playing as loud as you did.

“You once forget your head somewhere, have I told you that?” - He grinned at you, kissing the back of your head as you hugged him, storming inside the cabin.

“My meatloaf is a fricking masterpiece and it needs time and patience. And patience is a virtue.” - You answered a bit ironically, throwing your stuff on the kitchen table, saying hi to Eleven with a tight hug. - “How were you, sweetheart?” - You asked with a small smile, looking her in the eyes. You did exactly as you told her - the drawing was on your fridge and you refused to take it off, having a furious motherly expression on your face when one of them touched it.

The drawing wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and these two needed to accept that as a matter of fact. You weren’t playing any games.

“Fine. I’ve helped with packing.” - Eleven smiled at Hopper, making you furrow at him. You knew she had packing all of your stuff for the vacation on her mind, but a bit of fun never hurt anyone.

“I’m taken away, Mr. Hopper. You really want me out of the house in no time, huh?” - You mumbled with faked drama, making Eleven giggle. If you had to be honest, it was extremely sweet of them to pack your stuff - Hopper knew that you’d lose the track of time as you always did, making sure that you won’t be panicking and that you would make it on time.

“And we made tuna sandwiches. For you, grandma, grandpa, and uncle.” - Eleven said seriously, taking four small bags out of the fridge. These she loved to make the most, so you just accepted it with grace, learning how to love them.

“I will all of them on my own because I’m sure they’re the best in the entire world.” - You said playfully, making Eleven furrow at you.

“You should go. You have barely twenty minutes to ride to the house even if you ride like a madman.” - Jim said, making you realize that you’re leaving again. For the last time for the next twelve days, you hugged Eleven, kissing her all over her face, making her giggle.

“You need to promise that you won’t let him starve. And to eat also normal food, not just Eggos. Make him clean up the place and you two won’t have any bad blood once I’m gone, is that clear? Or I will make a long psychological sitting at the dinner table and you both know how annoying and uncomfortable these are.” - You pointed your finger at both of them, really kissing the temple of El’s head for the last time before you left the cabin. Hopper, as usual, came out just a second after you.

“You have everything there, alrite? I packed the damn bag with the best intentions.” - Hopper leaned into the top of your car and with that, you exactly knew what did that old douchebag had on his mind.

“You packed me only the lacy underwear you like, didn’t you?” - You mumbled and looked him in the eyes, seeing his face growing into the annoying grin he used to have every time he did some random bullshit like this was.

“Maybe I did.” - Jim laughed into your lips when you stole a big, fat kiss from her.

“Joyce told me it’s getting worse with Will now. Just… Promise me that you’d call me when something fishy would happen and that you keep them safe. And that you keep yourself safe in the first place, okay?” - You hugged him, closing your eyes, thinking about all of the stuff that happened last time you left Hawkins for a vacation.

“Gonna do it, mum. Can you go already? I am a grown man, I can do it on my own.” - Jim hugged you with one hand, but he took a deep breath in and tried to relax as well. He wasn’t sure about the last thing he told you. But he needed to look brave. For real, the Byers boy was making him worried.

“Be safe. And call me.” - You said definitely, stealing one last kiss before basically jumping into the car and stormed off. Just as last year, you drove to Dakota with having Aiden in the car, taking turns after four hours of driving, having a lot of fun on the road.

For the first few days, everything was extremely hectic at Dakota, but you had fun - just as he promised, Jim called you every day around afternoon to tell you how they are doing, everyone was extremely curious about him since now, he was not only your boyfriend but your fiancé as well.

Anyone could prepare themselves for what was about to hit Hawkins that time - and it all started with Eleven and Jim having a huge argument only two days after you’ve been gone from the cabin. Since you and your family weren’t around to make her occupied, the air between them got heavier and heavier. She was pissed about Mike, about Hopper keeping her under a constant lockdown, she was just mad and alone.

So the whole cabin just seemed to explode when the rage got on a level so high that she couldn’t contain it anymore. Eleven manifested her powers since you weren’t around. Normally, when it came to Hopper and her arguing, you were the neutral one, making them sit down and talk about everything - but without you there, oh Lord. Eleven was a protesting teenage girl and Hopper had a bad temper. And the situation got worse and worse - with Hopper not making it on time on the Halloween night.

You could say that some shit went down there when Hopper called you the day after, but you didn’t make too much out of that, because you knew that no matter their natures, they could make it work again. They manage to get through more than three months without you, they could do twelve days, for fuck’s sake.

The red flag came when Hopper hadn’t called you the other day… And the day after that. And the third as well. Only if you knew… Only if you knew what was going on there. There were monsters called Demodogs running around Hawkins, set loose, Hopper had fainted in one of the Mind Flayer’s veins, the rift in the lab needed to be closed as soon as possible and little Will who you liked so much was now controlled by the Mind Flayer.

But you didn’t know that, so naturally, when Hopper hadn’t picked the damn phone up the first three days, you tried to call Joyce. But boy, oh boy, you didn’t know that fucked them up in Hawkins, having the spy inside Will realizing where they were keeping him. When you heard the line ringing, you were excited and when someone picked up, you almost started talking - just to hear some muted voices and breathing before someone put the phone down.

You tried to call the phone again - only to hear as the phone line went dead and unreachable in the next second. You almost panicked, packed all the lacy stuff Hopper had packed you and went to Hawkins to yell his bitch ass down. But then you stopped yourself.

Maybe he got too caught up in a case? Maybe something was going on and Hopper just needed to focus on his damn work for once? Maybe he was off in the cabin with Eleven? That could be true…

But you would kill Hopper first and yell at Eleven seconds if you would know that the girl left the cabin twice actually while Jim wasn’t there - first, she took a fucking hike to Hawkins Middle to see Mike Wheeler with her own damn eyes and then, she went to search for her actual mother, Terry, and a weekend trip to Indianapolis. Your little, fucking fourteen-year-old girl, went to visit Indianapolis on her own while Jim’s ass was locked up in Hawkins Lab. He knew that he would be so dead if you knew.

So that was why he called you back as soon as he got the chance, in the hospital gown with his naked ass showing its glory to everyone in the Lab. It was just about to go down - and he needed to hear your voice before everything turns to shit and before he might… No. He couldn’t tell himself bullshit like that.

“Y/N Y/L/N at the phone, may I help you?” - You asked sweetly, smiling at Aiden who was just calling you a dumb frick because you accidentally did the laundry on a bad temperature, making everything have a bad color - all of his white t-shirts were pink now, thanks to you.

“Hey, baby, it’s me. I know I haven’t called you in the last few days, but I can explain everythin’.” - The known raspy voice told you from the other end of the line and you just grinned, walking into the next room, closing yourself in there.

“James Hopper! Do you even realize how fucking worried I was? Blablabla, I will call you every day, I swear, stop behaving like my mom, blablabla. Bullshit!” - You yelled on the whole room furiously, not giving him space to talk actually.

“Hope you aren’t in Hawkins.” - He said quietly and you could hear other voices in the background. This wasn’t the office mess, as you called it - he was not in the office.

“To your luck, I am still in Dakota. Give me those reasons and maybe, maybe I won’t kick your ass when I get home. But I get to know that something’s wrong with her… God help me, James.” - You hissed when Aiden stuck his damn face into your door and you shoved him back to the hall. That conversation was very private.

“I got too caught up in a case, but I’m fine now. Will is havin’ worse and worse PTSD episodes, so that was why I was off the phone too. And she… She’s doin’ fine, okay? We’re fine. Don’t be worried and stay in Dakota.” - Jim said tiredly and you exhaled out loud. Just as always, you overreacted. They were doing good without you and they were alive and well… Only if you’d know the truth.

“I’m sorry. I just jumped to conclusions too fast. Are you sure that you’re fine?” - You whispered, being relieved. Jim hummed into the phone. This was the last shot to tell you, after all.

“I’ve missed you here, you know? And I love you.” - Jim told you with his eyes shut closed. You closed your eyes as well, nodding even if he couldn’t see you.

“I know that, douchebag. And I love you too. I can’t wait to be back home.” - You said honestly, looking at the calendar on the wall. Only two more days to go and you would be home with them again.

“Need to go now. Keep your goddamn ass safe.” - He said silently and you laughed, telling him something nasty as well before hanging the phone.

In the end, everything played out - the Mind Flayer seemed to be gone, the gate was closed, everyone was alive - and Bob Newby, the superhero, was maybe gone, but not forgotten at all. Everything went seemingly back to normal before the due of your arrival came.

Now, Jim needed to accept the fact that Mike Wheeler and the whole child gang knew that Eleven was alive the whole time and that he couldn’t tear them apart anymore. He didn’t wish her to be locked at the cabin the whole time - but at the same time, the thoughts about Brenner were on the back of his head the whole time.

Just the evening before you were supposed to come, Hopper made every member of the child gang come to the cabin. He sucked with boys at Mike’s age, but there were safety steps that needed to be taken to keep you safe. That was how he interpreted it to them once they were done with fixing the cabin up. He told them that when you were around, Eleven hadn’t got any superpowers, there weren’t and Mind Flayers, Demogorgons, and Demodogs, there was no Upside Down, there was nothing.

He sure did know that he will need to make up some other silver lining for you, but the kids seemed to respond pretty good - and they were all thrilled that every once in a while, Hopper was agreeing with them seeing El at the cabin. Well, if you’d agree with that. And, naturally, there was the whole Snow Ball thing.

When you pulled off at the driveway, you could immediately tell that something had changed about the cabin. First things first, there was no tripwire around the estate. It looked almost polished - and the curtains weren’t drawn. In fact, you could see what’s going on inside.

And even more surprised you were, when you found out that the door was unlocked - and that even if Hopper was at work, Eleven wasn’t home alone at all. In fact, you could count six children sitting around the living room, learning some English with her.

“Oh my God.” - You whispered only once you saw them, immediately thinking about Hopper just being set off if he gets to know. But the kids only looked at you and as Eleven went for a hug, you were terrified of a boy who had a baseball cap on his curls.

“Eleven, baby, I’m really glad that you have friends, but Jim is going to flip out.” - You mumbled into the temple of her head when you hugged her back, watching the rest of the gang just… Existing in your cabin.

“He knows. I asked him and he told yes.” - Eleven told you a smile, taking another tuna sandwich out of the fridge, giving it to you. - “You have to be hungry. I made.” - She smiled and went back to sit next to the Wheeler boy again. Will was sitting in your damn couch next to a girl and the Sinclair boy as you were freaking out, sitting at the table, eating the sandwich.

“Yeah, sure, he will murder us both.” - You mumbled and stood up to catch the attention of the kids. - “Are you guys hungry? I was thinking about making some pancakes, how does that sound?” - You offered a tight voice and most of them were hesitant, but WIll smiled at them.

“Y/N is the best cook. I swear.” - He got up, putting the book down. - “Do you need any help?” - He smiled, pulling his sleeves up. Well, damn you, this was a nightmare and you didn’t want to wake up.

And like that, you made pancakes for the whole party, even pulling off some of Hopper’s triple extravaganza style with Hershey’s kisses and jellybeans. And when Hopper made it home, damn, wasn’t that a funny situation? You were staring at him, getting ready for his temper just going off and he was looking at every move you made, gulping, preparing himself for a long-ass class about being secretive and how having six teenagers isn’t fucking secretive at all.

“Um… Can we for a… Will you guys mind…?” - You spoke nervously to the kids and each of them just nodded smiling at you. You dragged Hopper out and made sure the door and the window is closed before you freaked out. - “Jim, I am sorry, but these kids somehow appeared at our cabin and I didn’t have the heart to tell them to frick off. Just don’t yell, please.”

“I don’t want to yell at you at all. I knew they planned to study here today, I just totally forgot to tell you.” - Jim answered, being as freaked out as you. You motioned on the cabin, raising your eyebrows.

“So you knew about them, okay. Okay? I just need to get my head together, Jesus. So, Eleven isn’t a secret anymore? She’s allowed to have friends now? I just want to know where we’re at these days because it fucking freaked me out to see not one kid, but six of them in my living room.” - You mumbled, leaning your back into the wall behind your back. - “Also, is it me, or does the cabin look… Different? Did you finally repaired the door?”

“More or less. She still can’t go to Hawkins, but… I couldn’t just look at her bein’ all alone in here. We have a lot to talk about, I know, I know, just… Be cool for now, yeah?” - Jim took your shoulder to his palm and held you for a long time, finally realizing you’re back there, with him, alive and well. You smiled and leaned into his touch, feeling safe as well.

“Hey, I’ve missed you there, have I told you that?” - You asked quietly, making sure that the kids can’t see you before you leaned to steal a kiss.

“Hold your damn horses, that’s my catchphrase, miss. But yeah, I know.” - Jim answered your typical answer and you laughed, listening to his heartbeat. So… Your baby wasn’t a secret anymore. She was allowed to see her friends, which was about to put you through the hell and back, especially before you knew that Steve Harrington had broken up with Nancy and he is their babysitter basically, but at that moment, you felt good.

“Also, these kids loved my damn pancakes, so I think I’m good with them.” - You giggled with less panic in your voice.

“And… I need to talk to you about somethin’.” - Hopper mumbled and that caught your attention again, so you rose your chin to look at him. - “We need to get El dress for Snow Ball and I don’t know how the hell are we gonna do that.”

[djarinscyare]

IS IT OC DAY YET?!?!?! BECAUSE I HAVE THOUGHTS(tm)

OKAY SO ANYONE WITH A RUDIMENTARY UNDERSTANDING OF STAR WARS KNOWS ABOUT MANDALORIANS RIGHT?

My Mando OC is from swtor and i love him. His name is Ke’ade and he was born on Tatooine to a Republic settlement, unfortunately after an invasion from the Empire left his home in ashes and he himself missing in the desert for several days he became a Bounty Hunter, running from one world to the next (there was an incident on Mek-Sha). now imagine this death-stick-smoking-sith-shit-talking-tiny-motherfucker meeting the-perfect-jedi-embodiment-of-peace-and-serenity — what happens then?? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIND OUT HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE?!?!???! WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A FORCE SENSISTIVE MANDALORIAN?!?!?!? (Bounty Hunter)

drinking, drinking happens

Mar’keo is the perfect jedi, serene, calm, understanding and compassionate. unfortunately he is surrounded by seven other dumbasses ranging from chaotic neutral to chaotic slut. He develops what ultimately comes to a little bit of a drinking problem (during the Mek-Sha incident)- he can’t handle this gremlin boy he meets on Nar Shadaa???? He already has Nicky???? he’s like that dad that says he doesn’t want anymore kids and yet adopts the next child he sees. After the Alderaan Accident there’s a nice little rhyme that goes around the family: “what do you do with a drunk-ass Jedi what do you with a drunk-ass jedi what do you do with a drunk ass jedi earrrly in the mooooorning?” (Consular)

And Nicky, sweet, feral Nicky, this kid took down the EMPEROR the goddamn BIG BAD. He’s so done with everything. he’s batshit 25/8. diplomacy???? Lana handles that because there is NOT going to be another Alderaan Accident. He’s married to Theron Shan who (despite refusing to admit it) is just as feral and impulsive. Mar’keo and Nicky have known each other since they were BABIES- growing up in the Jedi Order together and literally the first two members of their weird dysfunctional family that would kill and die for each other. (Knight)

Don’t even get me started on Trii’va. She’s all of them combined in a beautiful blend of chaotic dumbass and pure big dick energy. Did i mention she’s married to He’katia??? Member of the Dark Council and right hand lady to Darth Marr??? No??? Well we shall come back to that. This chick is the loopiest smuggler on the hyper lanes, she taught Nicky how to ride a motorbike and give Mar’keo and Lana an extra 35 heart attacks a month. (smuggler)

He’katia is The Librarian Lesbian That Kills People For Fucking Up The Dewey Decimal System and is the Togruta embodiment of “Books are better than people” she loves the Empire and openly advocates for change amongst the Sith while proudly showing off her feral wife and having tea parties with Darth Marr while they bitch about Vowrawn and Saresh. (inquisitor)

KEL!!!! KEL’KATIS!!!! or as Mar’keo calls him “that slut” because let’s be real he is the SLUTTIEST Sith on the block and there is an ongoing rivalry between Nicky and Kelly to see who has the softest hair in the known galaxy and let me tell you it gets VIOLENT.

we don’t talk about the Water Shortage of ‘07

Karavia- because where did Trii’va learn her sass if not from her mom? Trii’va is adopted, Karavia (or auntie Kavvy as the rest call her) is Cathar and Trii’va is Twi’lek and she is THE most badass mom ever, literally, take no shit. She hates, hates the brass, and so when given free reign over Havoc Squad and her uptight-but-in-a-cute-way lieutenant she uses every chance to piss off as many entitled fucks as she can and well...... Monkey see monkey do right? (trooper)

and then, at last, we have Ahtoan. Tony. Top-Hat-McGee as Ke’ade lovingly dubbed him. The youngest member of Imperial Intellegence and the youngest saboteur to fuck that shit up. He is by far the youngest of all of them (not even hitting twenty at the beginning of the story) and was found by Nicky somewhere between the end of Ilum and the beginning of Makeb. The poor kid is tired, he just wants to go to sleep. He’s never had a real family and so when he meets these seven other fucked up weirdos he is SO happy- and then Mar’keo offers to help heal him, and so breaks down crying and just HUGS the man. (Agent)

It is at that point we reach the collective look of “We’ve only had Tony a day and a half but if anything happened to him we’d kill everyone in the galaxy and then ourselves”

suffer reading all that Darth Mags

lets. fucking. go.

Ke'ade

loving that Tragic Backstory™ and whenever someone says the words Bounty Hunter I always go 👀👀👀👀👀

HES TINY!!??!?!? HE IS SMOL???!!!!?!?!???! he is mine now I am stealing him. AND HES FORCE SENSITIVE??!!?!?!?!

in curious abt this perfect-je si-embodiment-of-peace-and-serenity and now the two would act around each other 👀👀👀👀

Mar'keo

Mar'keo and the Seven Dumbasses sjfsjfsjfsfhzhfsh p l e a s e its like this weird off brand snow white movie I watched at the beach with Hero 😂😂😂

okay so im assuming this is the Perfect Jedi Character you were talking abt?? ok good.

cant wait for chaos slut to make an appearance

aww, poor alcoholic bby, its ok I support him no matter what. also all this talk of mek-sha is scaring me.

NICKY I think I remember nicky jahshshha

I'm assuminf the gremlin is Ke'ade??? correct me if I'm wrong please :))

"that dad that says he doesn't want any more kids but then adopts the next child he sees" ahem do you mean Qui-Gon???? I think you mean Qui-Gon.

THE RHYME I'm in love

Nicky

NICKY !!!!! sweet feral nicky :') I love him already.

Hes just tired, he took down the big bad, let him rest.

done with everything??? batshit 25/8????? sounds like my kind of dude tbh

the alderaan accident 👀👀👀 im intrigued

we stan jedi besties-since-birth

FUCK YEAH JEDI KNIGHT BABEYYY

Trii'va

ma'am pls step on me

I live for chaotic dumbass ladies

honestly she just sounds so cool, 10/10 I love her

MARRIED TO MAULS RIGHT HAND LADY AYYYYY

did someone say badass wives who kick as a while looking hot as fuck? no??

He'katia

I have no words to express how much I love her

LIBRARY LESBIAN

I just zhshhagaggagsga

showing off her wide??? tea parties with maul?????? gimme.

Kel'katis

*bangs fist on table* CHAOS SLUT

I love the him. I want more. please tell me more abt the chaos slut.

lmaooo soft hair battle 😂😂😂 I love it

Karavia

AUNTIE KAVVY P L E A S E THATS SO CUTE

this woman. I just- jdhdhshjshshsh

I love her.

pissing off the entitled and then the gang copies her 😂😂😂 I love it

Ahtoan

TONY

TOPHAT MCGEE

I LOVE HIM

babie

never had a real family 😭😭😭 please let me hug him, that's so soft abt the healing hshsbzbahbzb

in conclusion, I love them all.

its OC day! ~ celebration info post

[ussthunderquack]

So.... you wanna save the story and your sanity....

.... Head-Canon! 

Tony met Shuri and got closure with Bucky between “Black Panther” and “Infinity War.” 

Even before “Infinity War” came out, I thought Tony’s new armor and the Iron Spider suit looked very Wakandan, and wadda ya know, both use bleeding armor tech. Right after Wakanda came out to the world with its technology. Tony would’ve been all over that. And obviously he would have met and worked with Shuri. And obviously Bucky would’ve wanted to see him, and T’Challa would’ve introduced the timid one-armed Jesus. 

In “Black Panther,” we do learn Shuri is a genius and a Jack of All Trades (no, not a Jill, Jack is a unisex name; Jacklyn, duh?). But, nothing suggests she specializes in robot arms or mind-control-curing. Tony on the other hand is a robotics expert, and had that BARF tech in “Civil War.” So while they were in Wakanda, Tony helped Shuri with Bucky’s mind and arm, and Shuri helped Tony with his and Peter’s new suits. 

They had banter and it was wonderful.

Tony and Bucky angst-bonded, and poured out their souls to each other, and it was agonizing and beautiful. Tony made it clear he was not angry at Bucky anymore, only Steve. (Note that in “Endgame,” Tony calls Steve “Liar!” but says nothing about “protecting my parents’ murderer.” He’s not mad at Bucky anymore.) 

Bucky’s look at Tony’s funeral could seem like that of someone who never got to apologize. But I’m gonna interpret it as that from someone who did get closure with Tony, but still will always feel guilty, and now feels like he’ll never be able to repay him. 

Look how Sam has to comfort him. And look how solemn and respectful Wanda looks. They’ve both had the heart-to-hearts with Tony they needed to, but Wanda was able to find peace in it while Bucky was not. 

Curse You and your heroic sacrifice Stark!

In addition to Shuri and Bucky, I’m also pissed Tony didn’t get to meet Hank Pym. I will frienemy-ship those two for eternity. Maybe they did at some point, between “Ant-Man” and “Ant-Man and the Wasp.” Who knows. 

But what matters is, that we we now have a wonderful new relationship for them in canon; Tony Stark is now a Woulverine to Pym’s Deadpool.

Fuck Tony Stark. First, he rides my coattails with the snarking antisocial scientist shit, which I was doing while he was in diapers. Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. What a dick. Well, guess what, Stark? I died in one of my movies too! By Thanos! But then you’re selfless ass had to save me and my whole family and the whole universe, and die the most tear-jerky death in history, and your legacy will live on forever, god DAMN IT. 

(Above: Tony’s response from the afterlife)

Steve Rogers didn’t really interrupt Peggy’s life that much, if you pretend a little 

Option 1.) He had that one dance with her late at night, when she was so groggy that the next day she thought it was just a dream. She was allowed to marry her real husband and have her kids. Steve only went back to her years later, after her husband died of natural causes, and then they got married.

Option 2.) Steve lived his whole new life in an alternate quantum reality or some shit, so the “real” Peggy and her family were still fine in the “real” timeline, and Steve rescued Bucky from Hydra right away in that alternate reality, and then Steve came back into the previous reality through a negative spacetime wedgie or something.

Option 3.) Steve’s ending makes absolutely no sense, story-wise or character-wise....just like everything about Steve Rogers in the entire MCU. His ending makes no sense, and for him, this makes perfect sense. 

Above: the life Steve secretly always wanted, and now could live thanks to time travel. 

Steve and Nat both apologized to Tony during his recuperation after returning from the ship, and gave him a real reason for the lie.

I’ve posted the Nick Fury theory before. Basically, Nick didn’t want Earth’s best defender getting distracted or killed on a quest for revenge, and ordered Nat and Steve not to tell Tony the truth. 

Tony seems a lot less mad at Nat in “Endgame” than Steve, which makes sense, as she was only guilty of the lie (and, in this theory, following orders). What Tony is really pissed about is Steve’s behavior after the truth came out in Siberia, and his notorious “apology” letter. 

But Steve got better at apologizing and empathy. Off-screen. He does lead PTSD groups 5 years later, and he and Tony and the other characters all act like Steve has made up for his wrongs. So we can presume that he did. Just....off-screen. 

Sure it blows they couldn’t show us these things onscreen, but the movie didn’t have time for such trivial things, when it had all that very necessary slow-mo padding to fit in. 

BTW, I still know next to nothing about Hawkeye and his family. His daughter practices with the bow, and.....that’s all I know about them. How did he and Laura meet? How did Clint Barton become Hawkeye? How’d he get Nat to switch sides? Why’d he become Ronan? No time for any of that.  We have very necessary drawn-out slow-mo padding shots to focus on. 

[paradife-loft]

the other day, I was discussing with @the-mirador about how there was one section in The Golden Compass that I had a lot of thoughts & feelings about during rereading, and wanted to get to at further length than I could really do with just a phone keyboard. having a feeling this would a) be really goddamn long and b) be of interest to other people as well, I decided to just write a public post! so - slightly belatedly, here’s James Rants About The Dialogue Between Lee Scoresby and Serafina Pekkala.

(disclaimer: while I have vague recollections of the subsequent two books in the trilogy, emphasis here on the word vague. some of what I’m saying here may be addressed or dealt with by material from Subtle Knife or Amber Spyglass that I don’t remember right now. this is entirely a “reactions to TGC without knowledge of what comes next” post.)

this dialogue starts out with Lee asking Serafina whether it’s likely the people in his balloon are going to be attacked further if they continue on their current course of action, because going into outright war wasn’t the expedition he signed up and was paid for, and specifically armed conflict would likely do damage to his balloon - his means of making a living, which he’d have to repair on his own dime without the usual reimbursement of wartime pay.

Serafina, to answer this, starts talking about how well, actually everybody is already engaged in war whether they know it or not; she also a bit later explains how choices in the way Lee talks about mean less to witches because they live for hundreds of years and “know that every opportunity will come again”. additionally, contrasting with Lee’s concern with whether he’s charged enough for his transport contracts to make up his expenses, she talks about how witches “have different needs” from humans and so aren’t concerned with profit and value, having “no means of exchange apart from mutual aid” - because all they need to do to fly is take a branch from an abundantly present tree (instead of making all manner of costly repairs to a piece of technology), and they have no need for warm clothing because they don’t feel the cold.

and honestly? this pisses me right the fuck off. I don’t even necessarily disagree with the larger points Serafina is making about how everyone is bound up in the events happening in their time and can’t just push away their involvement because oh I didn’t choose to get into a war - no, you didn’t, but it’s what’s happening and burying your head in the sand in response is going to have consequences just as actively participating would. but g-d do I find it desperately obnoxious when a person or group who operates on a different scale of concern from day-to-day people (or their relevant contextual stand-in), voices this “wise”, implicitly narratively valorised point of view that the regular person’s mundane, venal concerns like how to make a living, whether they’re being given enough information to go into a situation with some amount of agency, whether they’re being taken advantage of and then hung out to dry or not, are shortsighted and petty and immaterial in the face of Destiny TM.

I mean maybe this is just that I’m an adult now who pays fucking rent and not a kid going starry-eyed at the invocation of the concept of witches, but boy did reading Lee Scoresby’s perspective here give me a massive “ahahaha well I guess I sure am American, aren’t I” sense of fuckor.

(but also? big-picture concerns and day-to-day livability concerns aren’t mutually exclusive. it’s come up repeatedly in pieces of Torah and Talmud study groups I’ve attended, places where Jewish law and discussion express ethical living, holiness, in the minutiae of legal arguments over water rights, how to properly materially compensate a person for the loss of a resource they use to live! doing right by others is a matter of learning about these kinds of details, because they have dramatic impacts on the quality of life of people all around you. these things are what make a society good to live in.)

second point that pisses me off: the idea of mutual aid arising only from beings of a different nature from humans entirely, who don’t need to deal with such pesky things as limited time and resource scarcity and bodies subject to the elements, of course not~ like fuck. give me the mutual aid that is a struggle. give me the mutual aid of people who understand the difficulty and the costs and care, desperately, how they can figure out the best way to equitably distribute limited time and resources to the people who need them, in frail and fragile and limited mortal bodies. I don’t want this kind of utopianism in the original sense of the word, where you need to escape the nature of humans’ present conditions of existence to get to an otherwise nonexistent place. Mutual Aid in the initial Kropotkin discussion is about a strategy of cooperation in and amongst the natural world, a method of survival among humans and other animals that are still entirely subject to these weaknesses that witches are not. don’t make it into a way of living that’s wise and superior and unreachable.

....oh, and speaking of human nature, another part that made me want to scream a lot, in the subsequent conversation between Serafina and Lyra: Serafina talks about how there was a time when she would have traded her existence as a witch to be with Farder Coram as a human wife, though it’s impossible because “you cannot change what you are, only what you do”. or: a reinforcement of the narrative’s turning up its nose at Iofur Raknison who wishes to interact with humans on human terms, and forsakes “innate bear-ness” for a ~sad pale mockery of humanness that leaves him and his following less than either proper human or bear. because that’s the damn thing: if you can’t change your nature, and you can either embrace your nature or refuse it and become less than, then no, you don’t actually have the opportunity to change what you do! it’s either “be what you’re supposed to or else you’ll just suck I guess”. (Lee Scoresby frames things in terms of free will which I don’t agree with because I’m a dang materialist bastard, but motherfuck am I ragefully on his side here on the topic of “let people have an actual choice!”)

like, this is my real 100% ride-or-die position on this: fuck “whatever your fundamental nature is”. do mad science! learn how to take a bear and turn him into a human if that’s what he wants! (don’t fucking set up a disgusting hierarchy of “humans are the best and any other sentients will at best be tolerated with tittering amused snobbery while we manipulate them for our own gain“ so that the desire to become a human is fundamentally a coerced one; don’t set up a dang child-mutilation compound out in the tundra to avoid getting slapped on the wrist by your IRB. but y’know, besides that shit.) if a person wants to change something about who or what they are - setting aside discussions of societal coercion that don’t present each option as equally viable because that’s a whole big and important thing but it’s not the point I’m making here - then in abstraction before we get to questions about the repercussions in other parts of We Live In A Society, it is a good thing to look for a way to help them do it. I’m a transhumanist. fuck nature, fuck destiny, fuck limits.

so, I don’t know. perhaps you can make the case that nobody here is an unbiased narrator supported by the story itself; these are just perspectives about what is right that are shaped invariably by the fact that in this universe for the time being, destiny and fate and immutable natures do exist, and basically every culture most of the characters come from has instilled into them, you’ve just gotta make your peace with that. I don’t think I agree with that argument, which is a large part of why these parts of the story make me as angry as they do; there doesn’t seem to be thusfar any indication that fighting against the determinism of “your nature” is particularly admirable. (I say this even in the context of Lord Asriel’s last speech to Mrs. Coulter, honestly, because in this metaphysical reality that he accepts where Adam and Eve and original sin are real things, the idea of humans free from sin doesn’t seem impossible by nature, only by history and the tyranny of decisions made by people and institutions.)

anyway, I think that’s about it for now. so in conclusion, fuck this noise, fuck that noise, this metaphysical-narrative stance makes me angry, and good night! :D

[numinous-queer]

blanket, hot chocolate, and/or doll? i know the answer to hot chocolate but i love hearing you gush about how much you love your wife so i thought i would give you an opportunity :)

blanket: what is your sleep schedule like? 

I have the sleep habits of a geriatric grizzly bear. I sleep EARLY, OFTEN, and with ENTHUSIASM. We’re talking going to bed at 9/9:30 and getting up for work at 6ish. I would sleep more if I could. 

doll: describe yourself through a mixture of fictional characters

Oh gosh, okay. I think I’ve got a real “scrawny bookish nerd who drowns himself in respect women juice” thing going. Honestly, I’ll have to go with Chidi Anagonye first and foremost. The man, the legend, the eternal haver of stomachaches-

As for other characters, Aziraphale might be a good one? Perhaps with a dash of Neville Longbottom and a peppering of Terry from Brooklyn Nine Nine?

hot chocolate: do you have a crush / partner / etc? describe them if so!

BY REMARKABLE COINCIDENCE I ALSO LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY WIFE, SO THANK YOU FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY

That’s the one. OK so holy fuck, she is amazing. Lexie is the smartest, most brilliant conversationalist, and the most driven motherfucker you’ve ever met. She is the living embodiment of the principle “make your own happiness,” and is going to shake the world upside down by its ankles until opportunities fall out. She has taught me so much about taking the step to MAKE THE THING HAPPEN instead of waiting passively. She is determined to never stagnate, and will cross the world in search of a better self, a better career, or a better life. See also: we are currently living in American Samoa because hey, that seemed like a neat thing to apply for and wouldn’t it be rad if she got the job? And hell yeah she got the job so we had to immediately haul ass across the world, because we are ride or die bitches. I let myself get too comfortable with shit situations because they are familiar, and Lexie is NOT there for it. She pulled into my life one day like, “GET IN LOSER, WE’RE going shopping MAKING OUR LIVES BETTER,” and I was like “Oh! I’m going to marry this one!”  She is always pushing us to learn more, to experience new things, and make our lives richer. She is so funny and so tender and loving. I didn’t know how happy I could be until we met and I realized that this could be the rest of my life. kjasdjkh;kljasdjh FUCK I love her so much

[the-golden-ghost]

Fandoms: IADWW and the Jules Verne Literary Universe?

IADWW:

character i first fell in love with; Considering I read the book entirely for the sake of Charles... Charles.

ultimate favorite character; I mean, probably Charles. Dunois is pretty rad too though.

favorite female character; VALENTINE MOTHERFUCKING VISCONTI, WHO DESERVED BETTER AND FOR WHOM I WOULD DIE

favorite male character: We just covered this

least favorite female character; I mean I know this book did her slightly dirty but Isabeau

least favorite male character; Jean the Dickweed of Burgundy comes to mind. Not a huge fan of Louis d’Orléans either cause he didn’t appreciate Valentine enough but he also got murdered so RIP

ultimate OTP; Charles x Marie, actually. I know Charles x Bonne is like the kinda obvious romantic one but like... they were barely together for their entire marriage? 

favorite m/m ship; I don’t know that I have one for this? I mean I know in the Shakespeare canon there’s the ever-popular Charles/Constable but that’s Shakespeare canon, it doesn’t work as well with this.

favorite f/f ship; N/A 

favorite m/f ship; See above

BROTP(s); All the Orléans siblings together. Also Dunois and Jeanne d’Arc. Also Valentine and Charles VI.

NOTP; Louis x Isabeau was a hecking nightmare

most aesthetically pleasing character; Valentine, obviously. Canon would suggest Louis but canon is WRONG. 

character you’d totally hug; Charles, for one. Also Valentine.

character you’d totally date; Valentine and I’d treat her right this time. Except she’s in love with Louis so alas. Also Dunois. Also possibly Jeanne d’Arc cause... well, you know.

overall opinion of the show/game/book/etc; Quality! Especially for being a lengthy, historically-dense novel about an obscure historical figure who most people barely remember except for a minor part in Shakespeare’s Henry V and also maybe for his Valentine’s Day poem. It takes some time to get into just cause it starts from so early on, before Charles is even born, but boy is it worth every page! And the fact that it ends so happily after all the bad stuff that goes on in it...

JVLU:

(Okay disclaimer, I’ve only actually read two books from it. I really need to read more. Nonetheless, here’s what I got!)

character i first fell in love with; That would be Nemo, when I was like 7 or so.

ultimate favorite character; Probably Aronnax

favorite female character; Martha! I mean she was only in the book for a total of probably nine seconds but she was a good soul and honestly shouldn’t have had to put up with that nonsense, either.

favorite male character: See above?

least favorite female character; There’s only been like two...? I mean, provided the ray that stung Conseil in that one scene was female, than That Ray. Curse you, ray. 

least favorite male character; Probably Lidenbrock because he has zero redeeming qualities and spends the entire book acting like a dick. And he also learns nothing from this behavior and does not change, so RIP

ultimate OTP; That would be Nemo/Aronnax

favorite m/m ship; see above. I’m also a fan of most of the TKLUTS ships, though. When it comes to that book I like the dynamics between everyone so I’m not picky. I’m quite fond of Aronnax/Ned especially.

favorite f/f ship; N/A due to having not read enough books with actual women in them, and Verne not writing enough actual women

favorite m/f ship; Probably Axel/Graüben. I mean we see exactly none of it but what else?

BROTP(s); Again, all of the TKLUTS squad. They all rock.

NOTP; I don’t really have one? I mean there aren’t many ships for these books anyway. I guess shipping anyone from JTTCOTE would be super weird cause the main group consists of a guy and his uncle and their Icelandic guide who doesn’t speak more than one word at a time and therefore lacks much obvious personality? 

most aesthetically pleasing character; I mean, if we’re to trust Aronnax, it’s Nemo. The most admirable specimen of human ever to be seen. 

character you’d totally hug; Aronnax, he seems like the type to give excellent hugs.

character you’d totally date; I dunno. I guess Conseil. I’d date Conseil, I think that would be entertaining.

overall opinion of the show/game/book/etc; The JVLU is a really wild ride. I mean it’s got all this Real Science(tm) in there but then also a lot of Stuff Verne Just Completely Got Wrong or Stuff Verne Muddled The Timeline For To Fit His Story Better so dates and everything are a huge mess, names make no earthly sense, (the fact that he couldn’t come up with a realistic-sounding French surname despite being French kills me) and yet there’s all this real world accurate knowledge of fish and how tides work. Plus, you know. Epic Adventures. People can simply Do More in this timeline, such as ride volcanoes, and battle squids hand-to-hand. It’s a lot to take in. But it’s fun, and I appreciate it. 

[domesticangel]

ok ok a 68 plymouth gtx for ris is perfection but what do u think the rest of the squadra has? i really wanna say one of them has a studebaker somehow but i just dont know (ignore it was a us based company i love them anyways shhhh)

god. this is the best ask i couldve ever gotten. buckle up. ha ha. bc cars. and also bc I’m not gonna shut the fuck up

but YEAH NO SAME i also chose to foolishly disregard that italians wouldnt likely drive american cars (or necessarily drive at all…america is mad obsessed with cars compared to a lot of other countries so sdkfhsdkj) bc its all fun and games so ik a lot of this would be unrealistic but I’m american so i really only know about american cars/cars that are popular in america dskjfsdkjf so sorry for America-Centrism On Main but if any italians or ppl w knowledge of italian cars wanna chime in w their own takes, by all means!!!

oh and this post also foolishly assumes la sqaudra has money. lets pretend for just this post they all actually got paid for their jobs

SO WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY warning this is gonna make this post rly long but I’m gonna ad pics of the cars i think they’d all drive like. in case anyone reading wants to know what they look like but doesn’t wanna look em all up so I’m gonna throw this under a cut in case it gets crazy

ok i can 1000% see sorbet and gelato sharing a like studebaker speedster that they would take out cruising for special occasions….it would spend most of its time under a tarp locked in a garage bc if you touch that car without permission you WILL die by their loving intertwined hands. some couples have babies. some couples get dogs. sorbet and gelato got a studebaker speedster and treated it with almost as much love as they do each other. one might think their driving would match the “crazy” impression everyone has of them but honestly? they prefer to take it slow and cruise so they have more time to enjoy each others company. on the job they’ll wreck a rental all to hell, but not their baby. the rest of squadra would low key fear for their lives on the rare occasion that sorbet and gelato offered them rides in their car bc the inside is spotless and they all knew if they left anything out of place or dirtier than they found it their time was up

i think they’d dig a color scheme something like this; still looks mob and sophisticated without losing the whimsicality u feel me

i really like a classic chevelle ss or ‘67 mustang gt500 for formaggio

(ignore how fuckin shiney these are bc make no mistake his would be scratched and worn all to hell)

in line w my headcanon that he’d be knowledgable about cars, i think he’d like supe them up and mod them for street racing or 1960s style drag racing. since we don’t get a lot of individual sqaudra backstory i sometimes think about him maybe losing his parents at a young age or having a bad home life as is typical of passione members and getting taken in by a local mechanic, and only as he got older realizing the shop had mafia ties which eventually paved the way for his induction etc but the knowledge and interest in cars always stuck with him. i think he’d probably drive the most recklessly out of all of squadra (rivaled only by ghiaccio ofc) bc he just loves to go fast as fuck and show off. he’s definitely a revs-the-engine-when-he-drives-by-someone-cute ass bitch

illuso would drive a ‘71 dodge demon, and honestly only because he liked the name and how it looked

it would honestly drive formaggio insane that illuso would ONLY use this car to get around as opposed to flying down the countryside or doing burnouts in a field. illuso doesn’t know much about cars and he doesn’t care to learn either; if it looks good and the engine turns he’s happy. formaggio would BEG him to race him or let him take it for a spin, but illuso would be adamant in turning him down every time. he has no desire to take risks and tear up a perfectly good car, but if he feels especially generous he’ll let formaggio ride with him while formaggio excitedly rattles off specs illuso doesn’t understand in the slightest. he won’t readily admit to it but seeing formaggio that excited is really endearing and illuso would even end up learning something here and there from their time spent together

ghiaccio is anal enough about All Things Italian that he breaks my disclaimer and actually does drive an italian car. y'all already know what the fuck is going on

hell yeah ghiaccio drives a lambo. ‘71 lamborghini miura to be exact. and boy does he make this motherfucker screech and drift. as much as he seems to abuse the car he’s extremely uptight about upkeep and will take it in as often as needed for repairs. you can also bet your ass he’d berate any of his fellow squadra members that didn’t drive italian-made cars, asking them why they’d choose to drive that trash on wheels when their country is home to the best cars in the entire fucking world and they have their pick. being in the passenger seat with him at the wheel is terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but he’s actually a very skilled driver, like to the point that he probably couldve been a stunt car driver if he wanted. but whatever you do don’t show any adverse reactions to his hard turns or brakes bc he will take it as a personal insult to his skill as a driver and you will find that the louder his voice gets the heavier his foot gets on the gas so Good Fucking Luck. (also yes ik we already see ghiaccio driving a car in canon but its headcanon time and during headcanon time ghiaccio rocks the fucking lambo)

prosciutto would drive a big beautiful blue ‘65 thunderbird convertible

he would also be very particular about the upkeep of his car, but without any sort of personal touch; he hasn’t the time nor desire to keep up with the car himself so he just makes sure he takes it to a reputable shop to do it for him. it’s not his “baby” or an heirloom; its just a car. it runs and looks good as all fuck while doing it so thats all he really cares about tbh. that said, if anyone ever scratched or keyed or dented it they wouldn’t live long to regret bc as a wise man once said, you don’t fuck with a mans automobile. i mentioned this in the my squadra meme as well, but even though he smokes like a chimney, he NEVER smokes in his car. no smoking, eating, or drinking in the thunderbird. sealed packs of cigs in the console only and if the seals been broken it has to stay in your pocket. the upholstery is pristine and he prefers to keep it that way. he’s a very mild mannered driver and even often errs on the side of slow; he doesn’t really see the point in wasting gas by speeding or messing up the tires or alignment by showboating. he knows that he AND the car already look good enough to command bystanders’ attention so he doesn’t waste his time with any extra flashiness

ima keep it real with you chief: melone would drive a car you could fuck in the back of and thats about all there is to it, so look no further than the spacious ‘61 chrysler newport

he would somehow figure out a way to get an aux cord and a sound system in this old motherfucker and would listen to his music so loud it about rattled the doors off, much to any passengers’ chagrin. he’s almost worse to ride with than formaggio or ghiaccio because he texts and messes with the music the entire time he’s driving. like its almost impressive how often he manages to NOT have his hands on the wheel. he’s a master knee-driver. all that in mind the rest of squadra groans in unison when melone offers to drive and risotto, who doesn’t have time for a squabble, gives the ok and send them on their way bc they know they’re gonna have to deal with melone insisting that driver picks the music and white knuckling the handles the whole time. but regardless, if the chrysler’s rockin and the britney’s boppin, don’t come a-knockin

since i see pesci as the youngest i think he’d be the last to get a car, but the rest of squadra would surprise him by all pitching in and getting him a ‘69 buick sport wagon

it’d definitely be a fixer-upper (prosciutto insisted it’d be good for pesci to retroactively “earn” the car by learning how to take care of it, prompting the rest of squadra to point out prosciutto never even learned how to fix a car himself) but pesci would be out of his mind appreciative of it either way. after years of only ever riding in the back seat of someone else’s car he’d be so excited about finally having a car to call his own. formaggio would take him under his wing and show him everything he needed to do to make sure she stayed running in tip-top shape and they’d grow pretty close over it; formaggio would lose his damn mind the first time he’d convince pesci to do a burnout on his own. pesci would try his best to keep the car clean but he’d probably have a bad habit of leaving empty drink bottles in the floorboard or extra jackets in the back seat, but all in all he’d do a pretty good job taking care of the car and making the generous gift from his team worth it. most non-work related outings would have pesci chauffeuring, but he wouldn’t mind, bc seeing all his friends crammed into his car and having a good time would make him really happy

and last but not least risotto and his ‘68 plymouth gtx 🖤

perhaps surprisingly he wouldnt be excessively meticulous about upkeep; he definitely wouldnt do anything needlessly reckless to harm the car or neglectful of standard upkeep, but he would definitely see it as more of a personal part of him than a machine that needed to maintain perfection. he wouldn’t really sweat scratches or dents here and there; they’re bound to happen to a car that old and if he found the time he’d take it to get it buffed. like i said in the hc meme i think it would’ve belonged to his father (or any family member he was close to really) and it was passed onto him when he died so it’s kind of a sentimental thing for risotto. though not quite the same level as formaggio, he’s fairly good at making standard repairs on his own, and doesn’t mind spending a weekend or two up under the car fixing it up and making sure it runs smooth. the rest of squadra would each be surprised the first time they ever rode anywhere with him; the second the car started old classic rock or metal would blast through the speakers, with risotto mumbling a quick sorry and turning it down, but not all the way off. they would find out that their stoic leader prefers to drive with the windows down, one hand on the wheel, other out the window tapping to the beat of the music on the hood

aaaaaaaaand YEAH. i told you i wasn’t gonna shut the fuck up DSFHKJADHKSDJ LMAO SORRY I WENT TF OFF BUT YEAH THOSE ARE MY. SQUADRA CLASSIC CAR HCs

[mysamcedesmadness]

A Boy Called Red 7

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9077792/7

It's been a long time, but I finished DMMO, so this was next on the list

MIKE’S STORY

“Everyone has a story to tell, whether or not anyone has to or wants to hear it,” Mike said. Sam had a splitting headache and didn’t want to hear it, and Mike could tell. All the more reason as to why he was going to hear it. "Mine starts in the suburbs…"

Sam sighed. He might as well shut his eyes and either listen or fall to sleep. That beating had him exhausted.

“I had just finished med school. Talk about a bitch. I get my life together and boom, world ends. It happened slowly at first. I don't know what your walk of life was, but where I was it started with the homeless first. We all just presumed that it was a problem with them. They were starving. They were ravenous. They were eating each other. Of course, there were zombie apocalypse theories. But, we ignored that. The thing was that places that usually threw out food stopped. Workers were taking the stuff home. 

Working class folk were struggling to feed their kids, so they weren't letting anything go to waste and weren't very generous with panhandlers. I watched one bite a woman's fingers off as she tried to shoo him away from her car. 

My father wanted to test these people for a virus or drug usage. Started offering them free meat in exchange for DNA and experiments. They came in droves. He had to ration the free meat. It wasn't enough. Three men ate a woman in the waiting room. 

They released the others, detained those three for tests. One told my father, "We aren't sick. We're starving."

And honestly, Red… WHAT did we expect, as a people? As a society that for more than my lifetime had more empty houses than it did homeless people. That had billionaires with enough money to feed all of them outlawing even the most meager attempts to help others?”

Sam realized that those statements were rhetorical questions. He'd always thought that was bull, too. He remembered police telling his father he could be held liable for anything that happened from trying to help someone eat. He recalled his mother declining from giving rides to strangers because the last time she did, she got a pricey ticket. 

"When there were no more poor people, to exploit, no more oppressed backs for us to break for our comfort, the rich became humbled. Those in power learned that they had created this. They were in charge and they used hatred to stay that way. Kindness was punishable," Mike said. "You could be charged with crimes for being a good neighbor. The wealthy few used up everything that we had and those who suffered first, were the ones who didn't have anything to begin with. There comes a time when you just know that you've got nothing left to lose. That time came and wolves were made. Those of us who figured out how to survive when we had nothing to live for, we are going to inherit the earth. Not the meek. Not the prey. But, the strong, the willing, the hunter. 

I realized that when I tied my mother up and ate my father slowly. I had to use my medical skills to keep him alive, until there was no more meat that I could eat without killing him. I had to ration him, and even feed my mother some, because she had to stay alive. I really wish something else would have happened that I didn't have to do it. I really wish the same thing didn't have to happen to her. The idea of a pack came much later, unfortunately. others began to follow me try to do what I did - they couldn't make the meat last. Every pack needs a leader, but every pack also needs a doctor. I was both."

"Why is your pack so small and easy to kill, if you're meant to inherit the earth?"

"Meant?" Mike repeated, laughing. "Son, the earth is at its end. It's already ours. It happened. We run it. The last living man will be wolf. Humanity has concluded. The human race consumed until there was nothing left to usurp. We destroyed everything until the only thing left was mankind. The need to survive, to feed, to move forward is instinct. We created zombie lore and partook in it never seeing the humanity of the diseased. It was much easier to see them as monsters and to empathize with the humans that they chased. When we watched those things, we were the man, not the monster. We didn't know for all of those years that we were and would always be, both the man and the monster. We don't even really get to choose which. Instinct does. You killed Hank, to protect yourself. I get it. But, he was one of mine. I don't want to let that slide. I want to offer you a portion of the inheritance. I'll need more hunters. I'll need someone with instinct." 

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. "Half your pack just beat the living shit out of me. You think they want me running with y'all?"

"Their wants don't make it to my table. I'm asking you what you want? To be one of the survivors, or one of the slaughtered?*

"What about that girl- the cub?" Sam wondered. "You gonna hunt her, or try to collect her?"

"If she killed one of yours, and you're one of mine, of course we go after her. Her mother crossed us. She's got a lot of meat on her bones. It's a win-win, to be honest."

"I don't wanna see her hurt," Sam said. "I think her mom did something to my meemaw. But, she seems innocent."

"The innocent are easiest to kill."

"Then why am I still here?"

Mike stared at Sam for a moment, then chuckled loudly. "Oh, Red. We'll talk more later. I've got to make some rounds. Think about your options. For your convenience, they were survivor or slaughtered. See you in two shakes of a wolf's tail. J/K wolves never shake." 

When Mike left, Sam whispered, "This motherfucker is crazy!" 

"As a motherfucker!" He heard a girl's voice say.

"Cub?" He called and tried to look around. He was so happy to hear her voice! She was not only still alive, but she had come back… If that was even her and not his imagination. He felt pretty faint.

"My name is Mercedes! Slide to the left a little."

"Is this like when you die and get greeted by an angel? Are you an angel, Mercedes?"

"If I say yes, will you slide your butt to the left?"

"I'm very light-headed, Angel of Mercy." He said, trying to slide over.

"Just a little more and I can take you to your meemaw."

"Meemaw?" He scooted more and then yelped when the floor flipped and he fell onto Kurt and Mercedes. Kurt chained the doorway back up as Mercedes freed Sam from his restraints and used more of her shirt to see about the gash over his eye. "Mercedes, you look and sound like that cub… Really pretty. That’s what an angel should look like."

“That IS her, Boy." Kurt said. "Get up. The old lady doesn't have much time." They collected Sam and helped him to walk towards his grandmother's body. "We're likely gonna be burying two bodies…"

"Don't," Mercedes pleaded. "Don't even make me think about that. They're going to reunite, talk, say goodbye, probably, and then we'll get him some help… we can get him some help, right?"

"Mercedes, look at him!" Kurt insisted and let go of Sam so that he could nearly collapse. She held him up. "I let you talk me into getting him out of that house, but they will be on our tails soon. There's no way that he can make it." He sighed and walked ahead, since he knew exactly where they were going.

Mercedes adjusted Sam and hoisted him on to her back, piggyback style. She heard him snoring. That couldn't be good. He probably had a concussion. He couldn't sleep. She dug her fingernails into his thighs and he jumped up. “Stay awake, okay?” “Mercedes?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you an angel or the cub?”

“Umm… I’m… Gonna make sure you’re safe. Is that good enough?” She wondered. He held on tightly to her and nodded. She couldn’t see him, though. “Sam?”

“Yes. That’s very good. Thank you.”

[jeaneybean]

Vlad the werewolf is way stronger than our entire party

probably combined, motherfucker leaps and shit with two humans attached to him.

Phase into town, with Wolf-Wolf (who has an actual name, but noone remembers it) pawing at his nose a bit, unable to keep the trail of Fyodora since we’d entered into a highly populated area. After Oz makes a quip about the church on the hill and if this were one of his mother’s romance books she’d be up there as they entered town, Nitahn heads up to the church with Vera and Oz in tow. Magnolia and Jake head to check the inns and park the wagon.

At the church Vera gets the heebie jeebies, and once she does a detect evil it turns out the church isn’t on holy ground. The head priest (who follows Brewstar the god of brewing and bad poetry) is evil, the altar to the kessia family is tainted. Fun stuff. While Nitahn and Vera fail at keeping the priest answered (and oz makes fun of them) They learn he hasn’t seen Fyodora or Vlad, though he agrees to show them around town (Read: Go bar hopping)

As they do that, Mags and Jake ask at the taverns to see if anyone’s seen the pair. With two places saying no Jake decides to gather attention by doing a performance, and while he’s doing that Magnolia asks the gathered people if they’ve seen Fyodora or Vlad. She gets a hit, and the pair of them head towards where they’d last been spotted.

Vera and Nitahn accompany Butch the priest into the bar while Oz sits outside with Wolf-Wolf. The priest drinks and gets more sexist as he drinks, and Vera inquires around if anyone’d seen the pair. She gets no hits, but outside Wolf-Wolf perks up and Oz spots Fyodora and Vlad. He sends a message to Vera, who grabs Nitahn and is like ‘we gotta go now’. They leave the bar and Wolf-Wolf runs up to Fyodora and Vlad is like ‘FUCK’ before bolting with Fyodora down a side street.

Vera leads the charge in with her first 20 of the session and choses to try and intimidate Vlad, telling him that if he puts a hand on Fyodora she’ll take it off. He responds by shifting into wolf form and grabbing onto Fyodora’s dress with his teeth. Nitahn goes to grapple with him and Oz casts haste on the party and Fyodora. Vera pulls out her sword and swings, critically striking Vlad in the face with her silvered blade. (Second 20 of the session). This pisses him off, but he tries to get away from Nitahn instead of strike back. Vera goes to the head of the wolf and tells Nitahn to pin him, then tells Vlad he’s got a chance to talk it out like humans or he can die like an animal.

Nitahn can’t maintian the grapple, and Vlad tries to get past Vera. A poor choice, because Vera attacks and crits again (A 20, confirming that with another 20, and failing to confirm triple threat. But still.), striking him hard in the side. Nitahn’s punching him and tries to get his good eye with his silver rings and rejoins the grapple. Oz casts oozing slime on Fyodora and has her smack him in the face a bit.

Vlad is now pretty pissed at Vera, and lashes out at her, attacking her and also tripping her badly (He crit his trip attempt, vera crit failed her save) and sends her sprawling ass over teakettle onto the ground. He jumps up onto the  nearby roof, dragging both Fyodora (who he’s still got a mouth on) and Nitahn (who’s still involved in the grapple) up with him. He bolts. Vera tries to climb up onto the roof, fails, tries again, crit fails. Oz tries to climb a bit, then gives up and starts running after, with Vera coming after him on her turn.

Oz hits the people on the roof with two spells: the first one stuns all three of them and also strikes vlad prone (and also deafens Fyodora) and this alerts Jake and Magnolia to their presence. The second spell he uses is glitterdust and he blinds both Vlad and Fyodora. Vlad starts bitching at them in Rusk, and Vera tears right back into him with her horribly accented Rusk. Vlad yells at her for getting into things she didn’t understand and only wanting to fight, Vera’s like FUCK YOU I GAVE YOU TWO OUTS TO TALK and they argue for a bit before Oz is like ‘hey, the spell-’ and as soon as the glitterdust wears off he’s off, dragging Fyodora at his full movement speed since he’s not encumbered by nitahn anymore. 

Jake has Mayhem chase after them via air and runs off, with a short discussion sending Magnolia and Oz back into town for the cart while Vera and Nitahn head off with jake into the woods. It’s team Impulse vs Team competent thought (with Vera providing the switch character, as currently she is livid regarding the werewolf sass) and Team Impulse uses Wolf Wolf to track Vlad’s huge blood trail. At one point Vlad steals clothes and Vera remarks that at least he’ll put on some fucking pants. They track through the night with Vera’s torchlight and Jake’s low light vision leading the way.

Meanwhile, Oz and Magnolia have bonding time (where their players went out of the room and had storytime with one another) and slept while continuing to follow the road southeast, the direction we’d been heading. (And towards the Werewolf territory)

Int he early morning Team Impulse follows the trail after an area that looks like there’s been a struggle and finds that Vlad had caught a deer and tied Fyodora’s dress to it and had slipped them up. They kill the wounded animal and have breakfast before bringing Wolf-Wolf back to the struggle area and track Vlad’s blood from there.

As Magnolia and Oz keep driving the cart they start seeing/hearing things in the woods. They urge the donkies on faster, and the donkies are getting really upset. Veli’s pretty upset as well, and when wolf-like shapes and red eyes get pretty close Oz casts haste on the Donkies and Magnolia spurs them on, heading down a lesser used road. Oz tells Magnolia that those weren’t wolves, they were worgs. Worgs are intelligent. They’re likely being corraled.

As team Impulse approaches dark on their second day int he woods (Without sleep/rest, because humans are pirsuit predators and they’re also idiots) Nitahn starts hearing things. He hears his donkies. Vera and Jake hear nothing, but after a bit Jake hears the noise too. Vera goes over to where Nitahn is and hears jack shit (While scoring some really high listen checks). She tries to remind him of the time that they fought the mimic and there was suddenly the skeleton, this might be a magical thing.

Jake yells out for Magnolia, and Nitahn calls out to Oz and the Donkies, with Vera calling out for the creature most likely to hear: Veli. They get no response, but as they go throught he woods a bit more they see a dark, tall creature. Through torchlight Vera sees a beautiful black horse. Jake and Nitahn? They see a beautiful black unicorn.

It seems friendly with Nitahn, but it shies away from Jake when he attempts to ride it. Jake is then like ‘we should kill it, no one’s going to beleive us’ and Vera’s like ‘it’s a fucking horse, what are you freaking out about’. The Unicorn jogs off, with nitahn and Jake persuing and Vera following.

Nitahn dashes out after the unicorn and into a road, where something large is barreling down the path. He hits the center spoke of the wagon and gets knocked down and ran over, with Oz and Magnolia being like WHAT THE FUCK DID WE HIT OH GOD and they stop the cart when they spot Vera and Jake running out after Nitahn. There’s a brief reunion and Nitahn points out the unicorn. Oz also sees the horn, Magnolia does not, but she recognizes that it’s a unicorn with a knowledge nature check. She implores it to help them because there’s a fuck ton of worgs after them. Nitahn touches the Unicorn while Vera yells at him tmo avoid water, apparently thinking it’s a kelpie and not a unicorn. (Vera does not know what a goose is. Vera knows what a kelpie is. Why.) She climbs up on the cart beside Oz.

The Worgs start howling and circling and up in the trees a voice calls out, saying that it’s pet had caught it another pure hearted maiden. There’s the world’s most steriotypical vampire in the trees, preening as he looks over the group and he kind of gets a bit knocked off his script when he realizes that it’s not the pretty blonde girl or the handsome dark elf or the strapping half orc or the roguishly cute boy the Unicorn has gravitated to. nope. It’s a big hairy guy. Vera cackles from the cart, and end scene.

VERA IS 600 EXP FROM BEAR