#she's right about the not changing people but i can fucking criticize their shitty fucking actions all i fucking want

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

Anyways the “essay” about the energy sword to character development pipeline below the cut

Ok so like yea tucker-crunchbite-junior is, obviously, the first instance of the sword-quest-companion theme/trio that im like, rattling in my head rn

Tucker finds the sword, crunchbite shows up and theres the “quest” that challenges tucker both in the false intent (you need to be the hero) and the true intent (SA leading to Junior which is not handled well but it IS important) which is a push against tucker’s character thus far in that he’s the comic relief, make everything a sex joke archetype— he doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt see himself as important beyond getting just enough recognition to be “hot” and now he’s made to be the so called “hero” and the true plot puts him in the one position that he probably never thought could be him. Bc he wants to get laid so… yeah. Pushes his character if you give it like three seconds of critical thinking and not just the standard “haha alien baby bullshit” (that said, i do enjoy fics that explore crunchbite more and play with the potential of the “joke” shitty character into someone less sinister, but im doin my best to stick to canon rn)

And JUNIOR, oh man, because theres the thing that really solidifies this for me like

The dude who doesnt care doesnt bother is all jokes and ‘man whatever’ energy is a dad, and it starts with him trying to avoid it but he really fucking quickly steps the FUCK up for Junior and its the start of his development that people are like “oh he learns to be a leader on chorus” which i mean kinda yeah but he never struck me as a Leader even on Chorus even tho he does decidedly lead, its not the same as when kimball leads or when wash leads or carolina

He’s leads as a dad bc he is a dad

Not always a good one, but he’s trying and yea sometimes that means being the asshole, sometimes that means screwing up but it also means you fucking care and you take responsibility and you put yourself in danger first (the rescue mission, leaving the lieutenants behind)

And that doesnt start on chorus! Its the most evident there sure but

it starts with junior

It starts with him going after tex to protect his son, it starts with him trying to be a diplomat so they stay together, in sending junior away so he is safe while tucker buys time protecting the temple, it STARTS with him looking at church and going “leave my kid out of this” and yeah the way rvb was written and approached does Not take that seriously bc it wouldnt and if it did it would be a very different show but the implications are there and its acknowledged with tucker’s photograph of junior with his 5th grade basketball team (“i know right? Who carries actual pictures anymore” -tucker) which i could go on about THAT too but suffice to say its very clear that tucker cares so gd much about his kid and yeah his character development isnt super linear but you can basically pinpoint when it starts with the sword and junior

The second run of this trio of things is actually grif which is admittedly, a stretch, a big ol reaching for straws (okay, TECHNICALLY grif is the third run, but i’ll address that in a minute) largely a stretch bc grif… does the pattern backwards

This IS S16 stuff so if ur a shisno paradox hater i respect that, i however am gnawing on it with everything i have and will be going feral so this is your warning thank u for reading the tucker side of it mwah appreciate ya

Anyways

Grif does his plot backwards during timetravel shenanigans

He gets the alien companion/friend who contrasts his character first in Huggins

Grif is a loyal friend, but he is lazy, even after s15’s breakdown and apparent change of tune, he’s still looking to take the path of least resistance, avoiding the call, trying to keep things from moving

Enter Huggins: zippy, full of energy, excitable and just so different in that she is not only so proactive she puts herself in danger (which helps everyone in the long run/plot but its the principle) but shes so fucking lonely

As far as she knows, her family is dead, except for muggins who is so dettached from her, he might as well be a coworker and not her brother

Compared to grif, who has a family even when he tries to push them away (the reds, the blues, KAIKAINA) but hates taking action

Huggins is the start for grif’s arc of “it sucks but someones gotta do it” which in their case is best shown as the trudge across the bottom of the english channel which is so fucking funny to me but it really pushes both of them and puts them firmly in the friends category

Huggins cant zip ahead without grif, grif cant stop moving because huggins wont let him, so they find their little balance of gas vs brakes and together they cruise along p well

The actual push of the “quest” is grif having to be the one who steps up (kinda like tucker but its to the left) he’s the one who starts getting everyone together again across the timeline, even if he is very,,,

Well he’s very Grif about it, but it is still fundamentally, the change in character

Tucker isn’t a always good dad, Grif isn’t always a good instigator of action

But theyre trying and theyre working on it and grif’s arc suffers a Little from being so late in the show and thus not having much of a parallel to pull on but you could argue he gets the parallel from s15 anyways with the refusal of the call (from fake church/loco) and rescue mission but i hesitate to call that a parallel bc its literally back to back but an argument could be made for it which i love

Enter part two: the alien quest giver

“Wait wasnt that huggins”

NOPE huggins was alien companion! The Bestie in grif’s case,

The alien fetch quest comes from atlas, in that stupid wishing sequence but cmon it wouldnt be rvb if the character development wasnt sandwiched inbetween obnoxious gags and stupidity

The quest is less important here admittedly bc again, with grif doing this in reverse its not the challenge to his principle character that it was for tucker, his connection to huggins was the challenge, and this becomes the final push into the development, the “you have a role, now play it” that gives grif the final shove into Doing Things literal!! And his prize? For this character development arc? An alien sword

And thus the inverse version reaches an end, sort of (im pissed that technically he loses his sword, im also ignoring that he loses it in canon bc he fucking earned it okay this is a bit of canon i will ignore and loophole my way around it)

And now we track back to Chorus and to the second iteration of the sword-quest-companion plot

Locus

Now okay i will admit this is conjecture and pepe-silvia-on-corkboard-with-red-string fuckery at this point but hear me out okay!

He gets the sword with Felix’s death. We know this. What we dont know is how the fucking hell he gets off Chorus! We just see him show up later with A’rynasea. The vaguely alien (maybe sentient?? AI? Its implied with the way he addresses her but we literally have her for like two episodes) ship that seems to be the driving force (literal) (bc shes his ship) behind his chosen redemption arc where he pushes himself to help others at no apparent benefit to himself, but because it is, and i quote “the right thing to do”

Arguably, Santa could be Locus’ quest giver, seeing as how he is the one who triggers the whole shift in view for Locus in the first place and that is, technically, what crunchbite does and what atlas finalizes for grif! But the problem is we simply dont have enough of A’rynasea to draw the parallel between her and Locus as personalities, as companions for it to work for me??? But that might just be me overthinking? But it does make Locus’ version is a bit messier depending on who you consider his quest-giver but as far as I’m concerned, he’s still on his quest snd its just up to interpretation if A’rynasea is his companion?? or if theres a secret third alien for Locus that we never wouldve seen even if they planned for that bc its red vs blue and im just delusional about locus and his role in plot and this is just me firing concepts blindly into the sky at this point like - yeah i could still theorize what kind of companion characterization i think locus would work well with bc its more about the wielder than the companion in this sense (sorry junior and huggins i love yall i promise) but thats a completely separate rant at this point and not nearly coherent enough at this exact moment to add it PLUS its ridiculously self indulgent and only marginally canon compliant/adjacent but i will never not be amused by this very specific plot beat happening enough to draw these parallels, as tenuous and vague as the parallels are

[underwhelmingalchemist]

Starting pride month with the pharmacy denying me my testosterone prescription until mid-June and my doctor saying she can't do anything about it because it's a controlled substance 🙃✌️

[pocketgalaxies]

beau getting so damn pissed about caleb withholding the bowl is so so so SO juicy

[nervousmonolith]

i am annoyed

[jojissalsa]

Perfect body, Pretty face

Warnings: dom!Leon x fem/sub!reader, power dynamics (boss/assistant), daddy kink, mentions of nudes/sex work, taking pictures during sex, facial, condescension, slight praise, mentions of age gap (reader is in mid 20s), clothes ripping (tights), reader is bratty at some point.

hello again :3 i wanna post what i can while i have the time, so i can kinda build this page up. hope u guys enjoy this one even if i feel like i made a few mistakes and lmk where i can improve! constructive criticism, reposts and requests are always welcome :D (minors don’t interact, touch grass.)

WC: 3.3k (proofread)

When Leon first came to the D.S.O, he expected bigger missions and harder work. Not boring ass reports and paperwork. The missions were definitely longer, which meant piles atop piles of paperwork that would take longer than it should. When the D.S.O realized Leon needed more time on his reports compared to the rookies or standard agents, they gave him a hand. You, his new assistant. And god, were you helpful. You were more than a sight for sore eyes, you were distracting at first, but even more so as he got to know you. You even remembered his favorite coffee order, and what he liked most for lunch. To him, you were just doing a good job. But in reality, you just wanted to get in his pants more than anything.

Your last boss was such a douchebag, the typical mansplaining and ungratefulness. But Leon? He was such a sweetheart, and so understanding. He didn’t get annoyed when you made a tiny mistake, a couple minutes late or working slower at the end of your shift. You knew damn well your attraction to him was bad for you and this job, but Eve still ate that apple didn’t she? You were the same, always attracted to forbidden fruit. But when it was Leon, who cares about forbidden? It just adds to the flavor. Obviously being an assistant didn’t make the most money, but at least you got a pretty face to work with. And there’s no shame in a side hustle, right? That’s what you thought when you made a Twitter account when you first became an assistant, well, intern at first. The job was so damn stressful and your shitty boss didn’t help. It was harmless fun at first, posting a few lewd pictures of your cleavage or in cute two-piece bathing suits you got. And then it got even lewder, posting pictures of your bare tits, dim lighting from your computer, things like that until you said fuck it and showed all the goods. Complaining about your shitty boss became part of your brand, as well as the faceless part of your nudes. You never showed your face, only your hair if it was a full body picture, not because you were ashamed of what you were doing. Not in the slightest, actually. You were just worried about word spreading around the office, especially since you were getting fairly popular. No face, no case, right? Plus, it’s not like anyone had x-ray vision to see if you had the same tits. It’s not like it hurt business either, you had a perfect body. You weren’t the skinniest person in the world, average like most people’s bodies. But to you, it was perfect. It suited you and flaunting it made you happy.

Your brand definitely shifted when you changed bosses, less complaining about how much your job sucked to more complaining about how badly you needed your boss to look at you differently. Pictures of you up-skirt under your desk whenever he wasn't looking or left to grab you both coffee or lunch, captions that always mentioned him.

"is it bad that my boss gets me this wet?"

"wish my boss would crawl under my desk and take care of this ;p"

And they would only get more and more risky. Posts of your increasingly skimpy outfits and a courtesy picture of you out of them captioned "you guys think my boss will like? lol". A video of you cumming in the bathroom at work, another where you cheekily slipped your fingers in your cunt, rubbing your slick over your clit before giggling as you turn the recording off.

Leon really didn’t mean to find something of yours this personal, he was just a guy looking for porn where he knew he could find it. He may be old but the man still needs to get off. And he was a man of taste, he liked the amateur stuff, and he knew Twitter had it. When he stumbled across your account, he thought it was perfect. At first he didn't know it was you, but by your most recent posts, it was obvious. You never name dropped him, or even said what he looked like, only saying he was fine and looked like a dilf, which was definitely an ego boost when he figured out it was you. It was easy, really. He was bored at night, couldn’t sleep like usual, and hoped that jacking off would clear his head a bit. It didn’t clear his head in the slightest when he saw your most recent video. It was of you working overtime, fingering yourself on his desk. Biting your lip to stay quiet but failing miserably as your fingers keep rubbing against that spongy spot in your walls, palm slapping against your clit. The best part? You said his name while you came. Maybe not his full name, but the way you let it out subconsciously, saying "Mr. Kennedy" in the most pornographic way possible, realizing you did and then giggling when you felt no remorse. Only an "oh shit" and a cutesy laugh as you abruptly ended the video. He was gonna say something tomorrow. He had to.

The second you walk in the door with that polite smile you always have, cute pink blouse and short pencil skirt, he waves you over to his desk. "Y/n, come here for a sec." His stern tone makes you blush and immediately walk over after setting down your bag. "Yes, sir? Is there something you need from me?" You expect him to say he needs a file or some kind of paper, but he shocks you when he turns his monitor around to show your twitter page. "You know anything about this?" You don't show it on your face, but the way you clench your jaw makes it obvious. You've got a good poker face, he'll give you that. "No sir, am I supposed to?" You get a bit of an attitude, mainly because he just totally called you out. "I don't know, you tell me." He scrolled very little down to your last post, the video. You gulp, knowing damn well you said his name. "Is that you saying my name?" His tone is still stern, but it feels more teasing now, considering his cocky smirk. He has you in a corner. "Don't you think it's a little sleazy to be prying into my personal hobbies?" Your attitude gets more prominent, crossing your arms and giving him a sharp glare. You were more prideful than anything, his smugness starting to piss you off because of how turned on you were getting. "Don't you think it's a bit slutty to finger fuck yourself on my desk?" When he shot back at you with that you froze, face going completely red. Not only was he right, you had no room to talk about his habits, but the way he said it was so fucking hot it lit a fire in you, shockwaves shooting straight to your clit.

You felt uncomfortable under his gaze, your lips parted as you felt your pulse throbbing between your thighs, knowing your panties were soaked. "You gonna say something or just come over here already? Stop wasting my time, I have work to do." It was instant when he said that, hips swaying as you walked to him, holding your hands in front of you as you looked down at the ground. "What's got you all shy? You certainly weren't shy last night." His teasing was really getting to you, making your lips squeeze as you shift your thighs again, your chest feeling so heavy with every breath you took. "Didn't I tell you not to waste my time? Sit on my desk and spread your legs." Your breath hitches at his demanding words, hopping up on his desk and spreading your legs. You thank god that it was a little chilly today, making you wear sheer black tights. Not that you'd be wearing them long, you just hope the wet spot on your panties wasn’t noticeable. "Jesus, soaked through your fucking tights? You're that excited?" His teasing made you go wide eyed, whimpering at his smug gaze piercing through you. "Yes sir.." You finally manage to speak, even if it sounds breathless and needy. Your eyes stay steady on him, taking in every feature you can. You lick your lips from the sight of his hard cock pressed against his tight slacks, not daring to close your legs in the slightest even if you were desperate for friction. "See something you like?" You watch him palm over his hard on, just watching something that sinful makes you moan softly. "I thought you said not to waste your time? What are you waiting for?" You throw any bit of shyness out the window, brattiness taking its place instead. After all, he meddled into something private, why make it easy for him? That’s no fun~

His brows furrowed as he gives you an annoyed look, groaning in frustration as he shoots up from his office chair and grabs your waist, pulling you from his desk and flipping you to bend over. He certainly doesn't waste any time now, pulling your skirt up and ripping a massive hole in your tights, making you gasp and squirm, turning your head to try and see the damage. "Don't complain, no point in denying you like it. Why else are your panties fucking drenched?" You throw him a frustrated glare before grumbling something about those being expensive under your breath. "Sorry, what was that?" You gasp as his hand slams down harshly on your ass cheek, whining at his gentle kneading on the now stinging red spot. "You're trying so hard to be bratty, when you're usually such a sweet girl. Always coming here early, bringing me coffee, remembering my favorite lunch. You don't do that because you like this job, hell, a slut like you doesn’t care about working hard. You do it because you want my attention." His hand keeps kneading the fat of your ass, making you back up into his palm for more. That doesn't stop your attitude though. "Oh boo hoo, as if you didn't love every second of it. How'd you even find my page? The nursing home gives you internet after 10?" Your bitchy tone doesn't go unnoticed by him, and neither does your smug smirk that is clearly challenging him, if anything it lights the same fire inside him, dick twitching under his slacks. He shoots you a glare that says "you really wanna do this?", as if you care about that silly warning. What's the worst he could do? "Y'know they shouldn't give a pervy old man like you access to stuff like that, it rots your brain~" You get cut off by another slap on your ass, harder than the last one, he doesn't even bother to soothe the sting with his hand. "Pervy old man? Then what are you? Some slut thinking of her boss's cock all day. How high and mighty." Another slap, and you're already unraveling by the second, the tingling sensation from his spanks sending shock after shock to your clit.

"You go on and on about me on that damn site for thousands to see, so why not take what you want? You're getting nowhere by being an ungrateful brat." He's really starting to make sense with how desperate you are to be touched, for that release you so desperately need. And with how hard his spanking is getting, it's making your head dizzy. He presses his hard-on against your ass, making you whine and grind against him. That's not enough for him though, he needs you to say it, the same way you said his name last night. "C'mon pretty girl, get what you want and ask for it, I know you can." He grinds against your ass, finally snapping through the sane part of your brain. "Fuck! Fine, please, please give it to me, I can't wait anymore, please Mr. Kennedy.." You beg in a gravelly voice, nails digging into his desk as the neediness in you builds. "Need what? You can say it." He slaps your ass again, a little gentler now that you're finally getting there, sliding his hand down to press his thumb on the gusset on your panties, hissing at how wet it felt. "Your cock, Leon, please, I need your cock so bad.." You whimper in broken fragments from your voice breaking, sighing in relief as he finally pulls down your panties, feeling your slick connect to them in strings and the cool air contrasting how hot you feel. As you heard the sound of metal clinking and a zipper pulled down you wished he flipped you over, because you really wanted to see his cock, turning your head in a desperate attempt to steal a quick glance. "Don't worry baby, you'll get a good look later." You don't care enough to question him, you care more about his tip pressed against your folds, threatening to stretch you open.

The coil of anticipation that's released when he finally slides inside you is the most euphoric feeling, growling as he fills you completely, balls nestled right against your clit. "Fuck, barely had to do anything and it slipped in so easy. Like you were made to take this cock, huh, sweetheart?" He goes slow at first, letting you adjust to his thick size, agonizing in how slow he drags his cock along your walls. All you can mutter is 'yes' like a mantra to keep you in reality, but every stroke is sending you further into that cloudy part of your brain where all you can think about is how you can feel everything. His hands on your hips to keep you in place, the way his cock kisses right against your cervix then pulls all the way out just to make you drunk off the feeling, his low and heavy grunts dangerously close to your ear, and it's all getting you even more impatient and needy. "Leon, please, go faster, need it faster." You speak through broken sobs and high pitched whines, looking back at him with a pleading pout. You can't say no to this cute face, can you? His nails dig into your hips, finally fucking you faster, and so much harder, you can feel the air in your lungs get choked out with every harsh thrust. "Just can't help yourself, can you? So fucking impatient." He can hear you getting louder, and between you and the sound of skin slapping against wet skin, he can at least silence one. "So loud, the whole fucking office can probably hear you." He puts his hand over your mouth and pulls your head up, body arching backwards as your head meets his shoulder. You can barely make out his smug grin as he looks down at you, glossy eyes with blown out pupils, your cheeks flushed a deep red.

"You look so pretty like this, looking up at me without a thought in that pretty little head. Just needed Daddy to fuck you stupid, huh?" He gets a wicked chuckle at your wide eyes, the way you clench tighter and move your hips to meet his rhythm. You curse yourself mentally for tweeting about that godforsaken daddy kink you have, or any of your kinks because now he knows every little thing that makes you tick. How frustrating. "Ohhh, didn't think I would look that far? You have no idea, spent hours looking at your stuff, even during missions I couldn't help but think about this sweet pussy wrapped around my cock." Your expression goes blank at his words, completely cockdrunk. You know you shouldn't do any of this, you can only imagine how much trouble you’d be in if someone walked in right now. But who could blame you? You couldn't name a single person who would throw away an opportunity like this. Who needs responsibility when you could have the simple yet intense pleasure that Leon Kennedy brings?

"Almost went crazy when I heard my name in that dirty fucking mouth, never been that hard in my life. Gonna make sure that mouth is full of my name every chance I get." You scream and whimper, the sound rumbling against his hand as you get closer and closer, toes curling into your heels. The sight is so damn beautiful to him, and he just has to see what you look like when you cum in person. When you cum on his cock, not some silly toy that could never satisfy you the way he can. His free hand takes its time sliding up your blouse to palm your tits over your bra, his fingers raking over the soft skin of your stomach before stilling at your bunched up skirt around your waist, right above your clit. "You wanna cum, don't you, baby? You're gonna be good and ask nicely, yeah? Go ahead, tell Daddy you wanna cum." He moves his hand away from your mouth but keeps your head up, gripping your face instead, watching as you greedily suck in air between mindless moans. "Please Daddy, please, please, please let me cum, need to cum so fucking bad-" Your pathetic babbling cuts off when his fingers put pressure on your clit, rubbing fast circles that make your brows frown as your walls clench, the knot in your stomach slowly coming undone. "There you go, such a good girl, asking me so nicely. Cum for me, sweet girl, cum on my cock for me." And you do, harder than you have in a while, squeezing your eyes shut so hard you see white spots, those sweet, broken sobs leaving your lips involuntarily, moaning his name as he slows down.

Before you know it, you're on your knees in front of him, finally getting a full, up close and personal view of his fat cock. He's thick, pre-cum pearling at his tip as he uses your slick to finish himself off, fisting his cock feverishly. "Told you you'd get a better look, now open up sweetheart. Gonna cover that pretty face in my cum, maybe even take a picture for those depraved little boys that get off on you." He’s one to talk.. His grunts and soft whimpers between his words make you bite back an eager grin, lolling your tongue out and getting blessed with the salty taste on his tip. You keep your lips pursed on his cock, looking up at him with doe eyes that make his cock kick in his hand, your own hands resting on his thighs. He pulls some hair away from your face with his free hand and keeps it there as he finally coats your cheeks and tongue with pools of cum, chuckling through breathless moans as he slaps his cock on your tongue. He grabs his phone as his free hand leaves your hair to press his thumb on your tongue, keeping your mouth open. He groans with a smug smirk as you look up into the camera, a clear, empty head as drool dribbles down your chin and onto his fingers holding your chin. "You'll get this picture tonight when I drive you home, 'kay?" He helps you back to your feet, cleaning off your face with his handkerchief and pulling your skirt down, fixing your wrinkled blouse. “Now go finish those reports for me, try not to work too slow, don’t wanna work overtime, do you?” He softly strokes your back, coaxing you closer to your desk. "Yes, Mr. Kennedy.." You breathe out, still wobbly on your feet as you walk to your desk, feeling the sting on your ass as you sit down, shivering at the tingle. Worth it.

[hotluncheddie]

high masking autistic steve harrington follow on from this post

ao3

wc: 2.6k | rated: T | cw: description of a meltdown with semi aggressive stimms | tags: autistic steve harrington (and eddie and robin but this is about stevie), hurt/comfort, stobin soulmates, steddie, steve Harrington has shitty parents

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

he failed. he graduated. but he failed. those unsaid words between him and his parents. some get said. the bad ones, about him, they get said. over again like he’s 5 and being told is behaviour isn’t acceptable. that how he is isn’t right. ‘shape up or ship out’, basically. steve knows he can’t go anywhere new, not right now. only freshly recovered, physically at least. mentally; he’s still unacceptable. 

when steve works at scoops. it’s so fucking bright in there. so fucking bright, all day and he can’t focus and talking to people gets so much harder. it’s not like school where he can zone out in class and turn it on during lunch, in between, keep up his face with the people around him and sink back into his head during chemistry. no. now it’s all the time, customer after customer. that he has to talk to, put on a smile for, read so he gives them what they want and they leave happy. it’s exhausting. girls don’t like him anymore, they don’t react to him the same way. he doesn’t think he likes them much either though because they’re so much more annoying when it’s so fucking bright. 

but robin (robin who cycles to work with sunglasses on and doesn’t take them off till she has too) she turns the lights down during open and close. so those couple hours, it’s not so bad. not so stressful. a little bit less loud. 

after the mall burns down steve starts letting her in. tries too. she makes it obvious enough to him that she wants him there. she asks him to stay and calls him at night and he just wants to be enough for her. eventually he’d swallowed his pride and bolstered his courage and called her after a string of nightmares. asking her to stay the night. but then she was there, and it was like everything was thrown off. she was grating on his already freyed nerves but he didn’t know what to say. how to fix it without upsetting her. 

but that night, a mirror of the mall bathroom played out in steves en-suite. steve had freaked. hidden. but she didn’t leave. and he tried to explain. 

he needs her but he doesn’t know how to have her as a true friend. ‘i dunno how to talk to a girl if i don’t wanna date them. i uh, maybe, don’t really know how to talk to someone as myself. as a friend. sorry.’ 

‘well i don’t know how to talk to jocks so. same boat.’ and she has this glint in her eye. like she knows. and it’s okay. 

because robin, she made it simple. she makes it easy. she says just ask and she’ll be honest and give him a yes or no. she’ll say if she can’t be touched right now, or if the movie he chose is pissing her the fuck off. and she wants the same from him. if the music is too loud, if she needs to let him not speak for a while. wants him honest and present and real. real friends. someone close. finally. 

it’s rocky at first. she’s honest and he’s not used to it. it feel like criticism more often than not. makes him see red and lash out, like he was never able to with his parents. but he apologises and she stays. and he’s learning; that’s it’s okay, he’s not perfect and that means she’s knowing the real him. and she’s still his best friend even if he has to tell her to stop picking her nail polish off around him because it makes him want to die. and she laughs at him the first time she sees him in real recovery mode; hair not styled and he has on the only sweatshirt that ever feels good when he’s like this. 

they lay on the floor in darkness and silence. it’s perfect. they share a tin of soup and a grilled cheese. it’s perfect. 

being around robin as much as he is, its so new, having someone see so many parts of you. sometimes she laughs at him asking steve ‘why’d your voice change?’ but steve didn’t even know it had. he was, he was just talking to someone else quick, being nice like you’re supposed to, attentive to make them feel good. he didn’t know his voice changed that much. 

‘girls would like you more if you talked normal to them. how you do to me.’ 

steve swallowed thickly. he just. he just doesn’t know that thats true. nancy left, he talked to her about lots of things, too many things. she like him better at the start. before some of his black tar innards spilled out. before he freaked. before he was able to paste himself back together and she saw him for what he really is. 

he thinks of his parents. how they don’t know him and still don’t like him. anxiety prickles at his fingertips at the thought of those times they do come home. 

because with them there the routine he’s carved for himself, those quiet moments of darkness that he so craves. they’re gone. now it’s tv static and plates clanging and having to show his face at dinner again. but he’s not ten anymore. now he’s an adult whose still drowning in the tension of the room, never able to say what’s really going on, never allowed to ask how they really feel, never taught how to figure his feeling out. no listening ear for steve as a child, and the ice only grew thicker with time. 

it’s his skin itching at his mother stirring her tea across the house, spoon agains porcelain. it’s the hair on the back of his neck standing up at the sound of ice clinking in his fathers scotch glass. it’s triggered memories playing over and over again. it’s being plagued, by ghosts who haunt him, who left but come back every so often, like poltergeists. polietgists with the deed to the house, and ownership over steve, through blood and fear alone. 

‘when they get back you come to mine steve yeah? you come home.’

because now theres not just robin. there’s eddie. 

he sees everything. and more. even when steve’s trying to hide. eddie sees. 

he noticed steve squinting at the hospital and asked the nurse to turn the lights down. he saw how he started zoning out at a diner with the kids, their arguing reaching a pitch, asked steve to keep him company for a smoke break. once they were outside eddie said he just needed a moment, ‘those kids can be animals’. said it and looked a him like he didn’t need an answer, let steve just breathe a focus on the sound of the wind. 

it’s like there’s a million tiny moments, a million tiny cracks in him forming the more he’s around eddie. like his soft underbelly is mewling any time he’s around, wanting attention, wanting to let eddie see. let eddie touch. 

eddie used to look at him sometimes, across the lunch hall. stare at him with an expression steve couldn’t really make sense of. he used to think it was judgment, annoyance. now he wonders if that face was confusion or interest. maybe eddie’s always been trying to figure steve out. 

once it starts. them. eddie’s everywhere. more somehow, maybe, than robin because, you know, they go there. but it’s different, from those time, with those girls. instead now he’s there and his brains off and on in a, like, magical way. a new way that makes him feel whole and, and beautiful. 

this thing they have. it’s fragile. it’s not perfect. he messes up, takes him a moment to grasp how eddie can be so so himself, always, no matter what. especially when it causes him problems. ‘why not just try and fit in?’ but the stone faced reply told steve that was the wrong thing to say, he didn’t get it but he needed to respect it. respect eddie and his choices. ‘i’m not like you steve, even if my brain shit was all gone i’d still be poor, i’d still be othered. still be a gay weirdo little freak.’ 

and steve is trying to get it. he’s learning to recognise that it’s sadness and confusion in eddie’s eyes when he visits him at work, knowing steve is having a bad day and watching him pretend. watching that mask form thick and fast, hiding the real him, protecting but also keeping everyone far far away. steve thinks maybe they’re living parallels. finding different ways to survive. neither better, neither worse. both far from perfect. 

then that pinched sadness in eddie’s eyes. watching steve pretend. cover up. that damn breaks eventually. eddie sees all of him and more. those bits he always kept locked inside. between he and himself. it all comes spilling out. 

they were supposed to be going out soon. but eddie wasn’t feeling it anymore ‘let’s just stay here, be cozy a little longer. what do you say, sweetheart?’ it does sound nice. steves so tired. but they decided. they had a plan. 

‘we said we would. and i have to buy that thing eddie. we had a plan. and i have to go to work later, so we have to do it before. like we said and then i have to work eddie.’ and before he knows it there’s tears prickling his eyes and the ceiling fan is so loud and the desk lamp is too bright and he smacks a fist to the top of his head and it hurts a little but he’s so frustrated and so overwhelmed and so confused and embarrassed, suddenly. and he can’t breath. why can’t he breath? they had a plan. 

they were supposed to go see hopper and pick something up and he has to talk to him and ask about the game because he needs hopper to like him because it’s better when el can come when all the kids hangout. it’s important that she’s happy so hopper needs to trust steve so steve was going to talk to him today and pick something up. it was the plan. hopper makes him nervous but that was the plan. and then he had to go to work. but now he can’t breathe and he feels like he needs something to hurt. 

‘but he already trusts you with el stevie. hop trusts you with anything.’ 

‘i can’t know that. not for sure. when i talk to him it needs to be perfect.’ steve paces. a pinch at his arm. a tug at his hair. pivot. pace. repeat. 

‘i heard what he said to you steve, on your birthday, he was calling you son all day. you don’t need to prove anything to him.’ 

‘i do eddie! you don’t understand. people, they lie. adults lie. they don’t say things the way they mean. i can’t fuck up talking to him. not like i always fuck up talking to my parents. i need to do it better. do it differently. because everyone always leaves. and i just don’t want to be alone again.’ and the tears really start to fall and steve can barely breath and he’s so embarrassed. shaking hands try and cover his face but the tears slip through. 

and all he can think about is the plan. going to work. his vest hanging by the door. the way the plastic tapes feel in his hands. the smell of the bleach they mop the back room with. the day stretches before him. so many things in the way. so much anxiety still to come. if he can’t start, it can’t end. he gnaws at his lip. thumps a hand to his chest, trying to breath right, trying to ground. 

‘i have to go to work’ he mutters. like a prayer. speak it in to happening. taking him away from the now. thump thump thump at his chest. ear ringing. 

eddie’s holding his arms out, giving steve the option. he speaks so calmly, so earnest. ‘you can’t go to work steve. not like this baby.’

steve rounds on him. angry. when did everything get so messed up? if he was just left alone. he should’ve stayed on his own. ‘i cant just call in sick eddie! i’m not sick and and i hate the way they’ll sound when i say it over the phone and knowing what they’ll be thinking about me. they’ll know i hate the job and think i’m lazy and realise how stupid and useless i am and fire me. i can’t afford to get fired eddie. i’d rather just go in.’ he know it comes out garbled, his cheeks on fire. 

‘i’m not letting you go in steve. i’ll sort it. i’ll go pick up robin before and she’ll cover for you, she’ll explain. and she would never. ever think that of you.’ eddie’s voice dropped octave. he speaks clearly and plainly and finally there’s a new plan to follow. a new rule for the day. 

and all steve can do is curl up in a ball and sob. curl up in a ball against eddie chest, in his arms, squeezing his t-shirt between his fingers. clenching his muscles tight, his teeth grinding together. grunting out some of the decade old scream, still stuck there but more visible to him now. 

until finally finally, he relaxes. spent and exhausted. too afraid to open his eyes and face the lamplight, face what could be in eddie’s expression. he drifts..

eventually he gets up, blows his nose and splashed water on his face, turns off all the lights and get back under the warm blanket. fills his lungs. sighs. whispers, ‘m’sorry’ 

‘don’t say that. there’s nothing to apologise for’ eddie’s so close, so warm. 

‘no one’s supposed to ever, see that.. it���s okay if you want to leave’ 

‘steve. why the fuck would i leave you right now?’ 

‘who’d wanna date someone who acts like that? it’s. it’s not good eddie. but, but it’s okay. i’m used to being alo-.’ 

‘please stop stevie. your breaking my heart here. i want to stay, i want to be here with you. i really really like you steve.’ and steve’s cheeks feel wet again. he feels flayed open and young, like a little kid who fell off the swings and everything is different suddenly. 

later later when eddie picks robin up from work she stalks in to where steve’s wrapped up on the couch. curls up into his side and exhales. she bites into his bicep. huffing a sad, annoyed little ‘dingus’ before grabbing his hand and fiddling with his fingers. 

steve feels his eyes prickle again. looking up at the ceiling he croaks out a small ‘sorry.’ for the day. for everything. for anything he can be. and everything he can’t. 

robin kneels on the sofa right next to him. growling a little and placing one of her hands at his sternum and the other at the same height on his back. like she’s forcing herself inside him, holding him together. her hands start to rub up and down quickly, frenzied and grounding for both of them. steve let’s his head hang. eyes closing at the sensation. he grunts. robin grunts back. 

eddie joins. sitting at his other side. slipping a hand in steve’s hair, soothing his scalp with long scratching fingers. and steve humms, sighs, keens. eyes closed he drifts but not away from his body, instead into it. with gratitude, and warmth. at the centre of the two best things that ever happened to him. willing to try again. be just, better. never perfect. 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

pt 3 snippet

a little happier for u @pearynice <3

ty @spectrum-spectre @vampyreddiemunson @fangirlycupcake @grandwretch for ur tags and additions, it was very inspiring

and tags for lovely @irethsune @willim-billiam-byerson @2jug2head

[deep-sea-scholar]

Okay I need to rant about Glass Onion for several paragraphs

WARNING: SPOILERS!

Glass onion is phenomenal, and I personally enjoyed its themes more than the first Knives Out movie.

Now don’t get me wrong, Knives Out is arguably the better film, but its strengths lie in the complexity and brilliant execution of its core mystery.  It’s a fantastic self-contained story about a shitty rich family and the people they directly affect.  The members of the family range across the political spectrum and all express different ideologies, but the moment a migrant working-class woman has a legitimized shot at their inheritance they band together to prevent her from improving her life.  It's interesting commentary on how wealthy people can talk a big game about helping others and being good people, but ultimately fall morally short when such actions threaten what they feel they “rightfully deserve.” But that's arguably the limitation of the film as its focus is entirely on the interpersonal conflict between the Thrombey family and Marta.

Glass onion isn’t limited by that.

The entire thematic core of Glass Onion concerns the damage that the rich and powerful can do to the world if they aren’t supervised, criticized, or limited. 

Aside from our lovely detective Benoit Blanc, the murdered Andi Brand, and her twin sister Helen, all of the characters are shitty people that are damaging the world in a uniquely horrible way as a direct consequence of the unchecked power and wealth they wield.

To start we have Governor Claire Dubella.  Her success in her political career has relied almost entirely on monetary support and influence from the films big bad and Elon Musk/Jeff Bezos analogue Miles Bron. Her platform has good objectives, and she’s passionate about hard topics like climate change, but her ability to act is entirely limited by the influence Miles has on her.  If Miles wants her to do something, she feels like she has no choice but to, which results in her greenlighting an experimental powerplant that Miles wants built to advocate for his new fuel source.  It’s untested technology, it’s volatile and dangerous as fuck, and Claire feels like she has no choice but to go along with it because if she doesn’t Miles will withdraw support from her career, or worse, support her opponents.  She likens it to selling her soul, and it really is.  She willingly undermined the health of her constituents for the sake of saving her career, and the shitty part is that Miles only controls her because she lets him.  She could deny the power plant, or leave Miles, at any time, but she doesn’t because she perceives the personal risk as to great.  She is a politician that won’t stand up for the people she represents, and no one calls her out on it.

Next, we have Duke Cody, the Alpha male men’s rights streamer who is just like, the absolute worst person in this film.  His views and opinions are incredibly toxic, his actions and beliefs directly hurt the people he influences through the hurtful products he promotes, and thanks to Mile's wealth and influence both he and his terrible, terrible, terrible opinions have official backing and some form of legitimacy.  He’s almost the direct inverse of Claire, being someone who really shouldn’t have support, but is getting it anyway because he’s Mile’s friend.  And because Miles doesn’t care and is giving Duke support and helping him dodge legal trouble, he enables Dukes terrible opinions and lets them influence and hurt people.  

Then we have Birdie, my personal favorite of the disruptors.  She is a fashion designer, media star, and breathtakingly, beautifully, stupid. She’s not actively malicious like some of the other characters, but she is just so fundamentally incapable of thinking things through. When paired with her wealth and influence, this results in horrifying real-world consequences.  She has her iconic fashion line of sweatpants made at the most infamous sweatshop in Bangladesh not because she doesn’t care, but because she thought a sweatshop is just a shop where you make sweatpants.  She’s just very stupid, but at the very least has the decency to be aware of it.  She even decides to own up to her Bangladesh mistake of her own volition, independent of the plot.  The problem is that no one corrected for her, or guided her, or worked to influence her decisions.  Miles just cared about what her brands could do for him and was perfectly willing to throw her under the bus to preserve his image.

Last of the four Disruptors is Lionel Toussaint.  Not much to say about him actually, he’s fairly straightforward.  He works directly under Miles as a scientist and is a parallel for the people that want to have confidence in tech ‘pioneers’ like Elon Musk.  After all they’ve been successful, and things have worked out in the past, surely, we can give them leeway with new technology development.  But there’s a reason why technology is prototyped and tested, and that’s because things always go wrong, and you need to take time and care to figure out how to ensure new technology is safe.

Which leads us to this asshole.

Miles goddamn Mona Lisa Burning Bron.

The absolute, motherfucking, shithead moron directly responsible for everything bad that happens in this film.

I lied about Duke Cody because this absolute buffoon is the actually the worst person in this film.

He manipulates politicians into endangering their constituents for his own gain, he enables the absolute worst and most toxic people by giving them legitimate platforms, he promotes influencers without caring for what their unchecked actions result in, and he deludes the people that work for him and want to believe in him with self-assured delusion.  This man is arrogant, an indiscribable moron (worse than Birdie because at least she acknowledges her failings), dangerously delusional, obsessed with control, and most damning of all, unchecked.

Miles Bron is a direct look at how too much unchecked power, wealth, and influence results in unmitigated disasters.  He doesn’t care about helping people, because he doesn’t take the time to make sure untested technology is safe for the public, handwaving legitimate concerns with denial and false assurance.  He doesn’t care about his friends, because he murders two of them the instant, they become a threat to his control.  He’s not smart, because all of his genius is the result of other people, he’s just skilled at advertising it as his own to get the credit.  All he cares about is doing what he wants and being in control, because his opinion and self-worth and legacy is more precious to him than any other thing in the world.  The man is a lie so absolute, so convoluted, and so stupidly straightforward that the slightest piece of truth will bring the facade of his existence crumbling down.  And it’s hard to acknowledge something like that in the real world because someone that successful being that malicious and dumb sounds incredibly stupid.  It’s an easy lie to buy because it’s more believable than how stupid the truth is.

Anyway, ultimately my conclusion is that we see a strikingly accurate portrayal of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk in this film, and it was very cathartic seeing their hopes, ambitions, and house burn down around them.  Because billionaires like them are shithead morons that lie to and manipulate everyone, and their arrogant and harmful self-delusions compound through the people they manage to influence.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[nekropsii]

Atomic Ask Bomb... 2!!

Hello, all! We are back in the mines immediately, because you all love me and my inbox so much. I still have 200+ more asks to sort through after this and that is not hyperbole!! Oops!!

Content Warning: Long, and Cronus is There.

You can be both. I am both. I think Terezi's easily in the Top 3 of Best Written Homestuck Characters, no competition. AND she compels me.

Mituna Fans and Terezi Fans flocking together like how Gays and Lesbians are supposed to.

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He doesn't have a Recuperacoon. He doesn't NEED a Recuperacoon. Who needs a Recuperacoon when you have a bathtub? You pile a bunch of slime in there, and then you can pop the drain open in the morning and take a shower right there where you just got up. It's convenient. And not at all sad. It's not sad guys.

Let's pretend for a moment that either Vantas would have regular bathing habits for the sake of this joke.

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Even if that's the case, it really doesn't change anything. Insecurity doesn't justify literal actual sexual harassment and sexual assault. What?

People will do anything to excuse random shitty men for being shitty. Sympathy is the favorite weapon in Fandom Misogyny's arsenal. So often will fans pull some random bullshit out of their ass just to say that it's fine that a male character is abusive, especially if it's to women, because "He's Sad", so he should never face criticism or punishment for his actions.

We should all start putting people in blenders. We've let these arguments go on long enough. People are far too bold in their abuse apologia. We need to kill them.

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Yeah. Like, he interests me a lot, he's one of the characters I take the most interest in out of all of the Alpha Trolls. I literally write sov!Cronus. I hate his guts, though. It really is just that easy to be a fan of a character and also fucking hate them. Not once have I ever made an excuse for him. The goal Hussie set out for when writing him was making him inexcusable and irredeemable, down to Cronus literally knowing what he's doing is bad and hurts people, and simply just not caring.

Cronus is genuinely fucking evil. That's the whole point. If you make him misunderstood, if you make him mean well, if you make him lack self awareness, if you make him sympathetic, if you give him any redeeming qualities at all... You are missing the point completely. If you want a sympathetic asshole character, you want Vriska. The point of Cronus is that he's The Worst Character In Homestuck, and that he has zero redeeming qualities and trying to fix him or redeem him is a Hopeless venture. He is beyond saving. Don't you dare even think about trying - to try to make him palatable is to erase Violent Bigotry, Incest, and Child Sexual Abuse. Just don't. Enjoy him as he is, do NOT defang him.

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He truly is the worst! I think we should explode all depictions of fanon!Cronus. Forever.

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Yeah, there's a huge reason why I do not say I'm a fan of Cronus or call him a favorite character of mine or anything. It projects a certain... Image. The wrong one. There's just such a strong precedent for anyone saying they're a Cronus Fan or calling him their Favorite Character being a person who just completely fucking ignores everything about him, or even pardons it, saying it's fine, actually, because He's Sad, or that it's Not That Bad, actually. I can't stand it.

I'm aware there are Cronus Fans who are totally normal, but I cannot help but immediately be wary of them, or flinch for a moment even when they offer the reassurance that they know better. It's a natural response, having been here for around a decade and having been a Mituna Fan the whole time.

Liking characters who are terrible people is fine. Based, even, in some cases. But... It's truly difficult with Cronus, because so much of that fanbase relies on excusing/minimizing/condoning abuse and bigotry. I don't have any qualms with people liking characters that suck, but when a fanbase for a character is so heavily focused on pretending that character isn't a horrible, terrible, awful person who abuses people - even children, even people they're related to, even children that they're related to - for nothing but their own sexual gain... I start having issues. That sets a pretty dangerous precedent, to me.

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It's crazy to me how so much of the apologism is because he's hot. Because he literally isn't. You all have terrible taste.

Let's all appreciate for a moment just how fucking ugly he is. The fan art is lying so bad. He needs a haircut. His shirt doesn't fit him, and honestly looks like women's clothes - you know those women's shirts that have the sleeves that stop halfway down the damn shoulder? He looks like a 16 year old. He's so skinny, and his shoulders are so... rounded and small - which are fine traits to have, but literally every piece of fanart portrays him as broad-shouldered and ripped when the literal opposite is true. You just know he has too much product in his hair. His actual sprite is even worse.

The way his fly doesn't even go all the way up. The way his hair clips into his face. The way he's slightly yellow for literally no reason. The shitty belt. This fucking sucks. He's so ugly. He isn't even hot.

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Mituna having Memory Loss as a result of his TBI is literally a myth invented by Cronus to emotionally manipulate Mituna and perpetuated by Cronus Fans. I think if they were friends in the past, Cronus's actions would be worse, actually.

Could you imagine getting sad that your friend doesn't remember you because of a Traumatic Brain Injury, and your response to this sadness is to abuse and sexually assault them on the regular? What, is that Just Bro Things now? Cronus literally says he targets Mituna because he thinks he can get away with it due to his struggles with communication. The thing about them being buddies in the past was one of his trademark Lies. Because he is known to do that, specifically to manipulate people. Because he is known to manipulate people. Emotionally. Because he is abusive. And terrible. And not redeemable. This isn't rocket science! It isn't rocket science to say that pushing the fault of Mituna's abuse onto Mituna is Victim-Blaming!

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Positively fucking ridiculous that so many people did not recognize their romance within the comic. If they were boys, there'd be no god damn question about it. It'd be up there in everyone's OTP list alongside DaveKat.

I think they're adorable. They're one of my favorite pairings.

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It's great in the source comic, especially during earlier phases of its existence, but the quality deprecates drastically the further you get from that point. I hate it in Fanon and in Dub/Post-Canon.

It's a great off-screen pairing for a lot of lore reasons - namely it being great to let Dave slowly allow himself to love and be loved in private, with no fear of eyes on him. He's never really been able to have privacy before, with all the cameras and eyes on him all the time, and he's never been able to really let his guard down and be vulnerable. He's never been able to love and be loved, safely. I ultimately think they should've kept their relationship mostly private, even after Dave's recovered quite a bit, because sometimes having something just for yourself without that need to perform it is healing in itself. Mental health maintenance.

In Fanon, it seems like pretty standard yaoi, though. Boring. Tired. Literally everywhere. Voyeuristic as always.

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Thank you! My Inbox generally really isn't that bad at all, honestly! Most people are pretty cordial! Anon Hate for me is pretty rare. Thankfully, the Delete Ask button exists, so I don't have to worry about those Anons for very long, lol.

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I hate to say this, but back in my day, plenty of people actually did do that. In fact, people only knowing Homestuck through fan material and then still calling themselves a fan is a big reason why old Homestuck fanon was so bad and so far off the mark!

I have a name for those kinds of fans, because it was such a frequent occurrence it begged for a title. I call them Secondaries. Like "Secondary Source"!

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World's most based triad, I think. Should be real. It's real to me.

7H15 15 MY 91RLFR13NF, L47UL4. 4DN 7H51 15 7UL45 9R1LFR13ND, P0RR1M.

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I think everyone should start watching actual horror movies. I think these people should watch Re-Animator and Bride of Re-Animator. I think this would fix the fandom, because a lot of people are just posting about horror movies without realizing they're posting about horror movies. Go watch a horror movie. They even have more and, frankly, more interesting gay representation than... Whatever Dirk and Jake have going on. Sorry.

If you're a gay man, get some hair on your chest and watch a bunch of horror movies. There's more in this life than anime twinks and skinny white pixel men. There's BlackRom Old Man Pet Play (The Lighthouse, 2019), there's Tormented Huge Dirty Bear (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, 2006), there's The Bisexual Psychological Torture + Betrayal Chamber (Saw, 2004), there's Dysfunctional Gay Marriage Disputes (Re-Animator, 1985, Bride of Re-Animator, 1990). And way more other ones than I can really list. Expand your horizons.

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Not much. It's a bit mysterious. Here's what Aranea had to say about Mituna in general, which gives us most of the crumbs we have:

The Heir of Doom was once a powerful psionic. He had much to say when it came to warning us a8out the path of doom and destruction we were all headed for, 8ut no one took him very seriously. 8ut one day he lost all those abilities when he 8adly overexerted himself. It's hard to get any specifics from him, 8ut indications are that he applied every last 8it of energy he had toward some great act of heroism, saving us all from some looming threat. Not only did his exertion permanently 8urn out his psychic a8ilities, 8ut it left him somewhat... er. Incoherent. The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness. And of course it's impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.

This does say quite a lot, but not really anything specific. We've got some stuff about how he's the session's Cassandra, the fact that the GAoH was NOT an accident (this is the misconception that pisses me off the most, I think - I hate when people call it an accident), the fact that he was protecting everyone from something... The fact that he DOES remember it, the fact that Kurloz was there, as the only eye witness, and refuses to talk about it.

It leaves plenty of room for speculation. A little too much room for me, honestly, but that's fine, I'm not really pressed about it.

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[reblogsbutalmostneverposts]

I am not in the MCYT fandom or the DSMP Fandom anymore, I reblog some mcyt stuff occasionally but I just wanted to show my support to Shubble and my utter disgust at Wilbur.

Shubble was a part of my childhood, way before Wilbur was. I would watch her videos practically everyday especially the Undertale series she was part of with Newscapepro. Shubble did not deserve the abuse Wilbur did to her. They did not deserve to be ignored, locked inside the house, made to do everything, reminded of her SA, and abused. She is genuinely so fucking brave for speaking out about this and I applaud them for it. This isn't something easy to talk about to friends or family but the fact that she was able to share it with us and bring light to the situation and the perpetrator speaks for their bravery. I am genuinely so sorry that it happened to her and the fact that I've been supporting someone who's caused so much trauma and hurt for them.

Wilbur's actions were not right nor can it be excused. He is a fucking ABUSER and not even his shitty ass apology can change that. The apology did not do anything towards apologizing for his action but instead cared more about excusing it and demeaning and underplaying the situation. His repeated actions towards them when she has repeatedly asked him to stop, using their safe word to harm them, and pinning them down when he knows that she has a history with SA is unforgivable and inexcusable and I actually cannot fucking believe that he managed to get away with this type of behavior for so long. Words can't even describe how fucking utterly disgusted I am of him.

That being said, if you support Wilbur please get the fuck out of my blog and block me for good measure too, I do not wish to see anyone excusing his actions and continuing to support him when he has done nothing but harm and manipulate women especially when women are the main audience of his. Before you claim that you can't stop supporting him because of a hyperfixation, that is not an excuse. Wilbur has been part of my hyperfixation and helped me go through a rather rough patch in my life alongside his music but this is not an excuse for me to continue supporting him. Please support Shubble and the other victims he has harmed, abused, and manipulated and do not let their stories go unheard.

I've seen people criticizing other CCs such as Tommy and Phil for not speaking out and releasing a statement about the situation and I just beg for you all to wait as this is a hard process to find out that one of your best friends is an abuser and I remind you that not everything should be publicized, people especially CCs have their own private lives too and are allowed to settle things privately.

We should not draw attention away from the victims and instead continue boosting their stories and supporting them, this is the best course of action to take in this situation. I stand by Shubble and Wilbur's other victims and you should too.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

favourite twdg villain?

I'm a fond enjoyer of the St. John's as villains. I don't know if they're my favorite just because they're only in one episode, but I love the concept of this family almost immediately jumping into cannibalism toward the start of the outbreak, dealing in human flesh to bandits, and casually feeding this group their friend's legs.

Like... what the hell was this family like before the outbreak that all three of them were like, "Hey now listen... nothing should go to waste, the dead are eating people so why shouldn't we? We gotta survive and in our defense, we only target those who were gonna die anyway... like y'all."

Dude, Mark was shot in this shoulder with an arrow. He wasn't going to die from that injury. It's so fucked that these seemingly friendly people took the group into their home and then fed them Mark's legs.

If we take the idea that everyone is infected and have the capacity within themselves to become walkers, to become monsters, then the St. John's were infected long before the outbreak, y'know? Not literally, but something was wrong with them and the outbreak just further spread that infection and changed them.

But again, are they my favorite? I dunno if I can say that since I have a lot more appreciation for Lily now. Yeah, some of her writing gets a little wonky in ep3 of TFS when she goes on her monologues and shit, but y'know what? I'm into it.

You have to remember who we're talking about and the fact that she's the antagonist; Lily isn't some anti-hero in TFS who secretly has a heart of gold that's brought to light because she reunited with Clementine... she's a fucked up woman who did fucked up things in the name of survival. She's full of rot now. She sees kidnapping children and turning them into soldiers to protect her home as a means to an end, but she doesn't actually give a shit about the people she's taking. They aren't people to her, they're as the episode title suggests, toys in her game. The only one she sees as a person is Clementine, and while that makes her hesitate at first, she sees Clementine's a prize to bring back.

She remembers what happened in S1; her father had a heart attack and as she tried to save him, Kenny smashed his face in with a saltlick and then expected Lily to just stand up and help him get back to his family because "he did what he had to, he made the hard choice." Yes, Larry was a piece of shit. No one liked him, and you can even question Lily on him and she'll tell you that he has a lot of pain. Yes, it makes him an asshole, but he's still her dad and he's all she has. I mean... the simplification is daddy issues, but in all seriousness, I don't doubt for a second that many of Lily's issues stem from Larry being a shitty father to her.

Then everyone thought she was losing it when she insisted there was a traitor in the group, which she was right about, but she was unstable. She was unwell, but how do you help someone like that when you don't have training to go about it? Then Lily ends up killing either Carley or Doug and the group turns on her, and either she's left behind or she steals the van and runs away.

Then we don't know what the hell happened to her until we see her again in TFS, but like... a lone woman with decay festering inside of her joining the delta? Exposing her to their methods? I mean, what else did she have to lose? She had nothing, she lost everything, and she has a lot of issues. Survival is easy when you're numb, when you don't care about the individual; they're all just cogs churning to make the system run, and if a piece doesn't cooperate, you get rid of it and find a new one.

Plus I think there's something to say about Lily not wanting to be perceived as weak again. That whole display she put on in the cells? Telling the story of what happened to Minerva and Sophie? I get the criticism that it feels like Lily did a 180 between episodes but like... yeah dude, because it's a performance. It's not just her and Clementine anymore. It's a display of power and authority. She's playing the part and thriving in it as she ensures everyone else is terrified of her.

But then when Clementine and AJ get the upper hand? Again, she's not afraid to play up the pleading to earn enough sympathy to spare her- hell, just to let their guard down enough to strike and get the upper hand again. I mean, she's got nothing else to lose, right? If she doesn't go for it, she'll be killed and sure, you can kill her anyway but at least she tried.

Honestly, I look at Lily in TFS and still see that scared little girl playing the tough bitch, just like Carley said in S1. It's just now escalated from "tough bitch" to a downright vile person. She's so... lost? I suppose? Lost within herself and the monstrous means she's taken to survive.

I get the criticisms of how she was used in TFS, but for me, it's like when people complain about Minerva not getting the redemption arc she supposedly should've gotten, y'know? There's no saving her. Lily was never on our side, and there was no getting her on our side. She wasn't ever going to redeem herself. Even if you spare her and she drifts away on her raft, can someone like her actually find redemption? Or will she just find another group that'll feed into her rot?

Truly, I say let her be horrid. Let her be the piece of shit villain with a few fleeting moments of humanity. Let her drown in the blood she's spilled.

[utilitycaster]

I haven't seen WBN, so I can't comment on the comparison, but on the subject of Liliana, one of my favorite parts of last night was how Matt anwsered Fearne's question about how Liliana got involved with Ludinus. The whole scene with Liliana was stellar, but that answer made it so clear that is she is in a cult. The way Ludinus found her while she was unsure and looking for answers, mentored her, and showed her the "truth" about Predathos is a classic cult recruitment story. And her reasonings for staying in the cult after having recognizing some of its faults also rang true. She needs to "protect the children", the methods are wrong but the "truth" at the heart of their mission is right, the us vs. them mentality and fear of the exandrian authorities, etc. And I can see how that can make her sympathetic. She was taken in and conditioned by a charismatic, powerful leader. But Matt and the others have also made it clear, including in that scene, that she is complicit, and that the pcs at least recognize that her guilt does not absolve her. The members of the Manson Family who committed the Tate Murders may have been indoctrinated by Charles Manson, but they still killed 5 people in an incredibly grusome manner. The fact that they were following orders doesn't absolve them of their crime. And historically, cult leadership (which Liliana seems to be) who attempt to "fix" a cult either don't make any meanful change, or actually make it worse. I, at least, am very curious to see what will have happened in that regard when she next shows up. In short, people need to learn about nuance, and maybe sociology, and the Liliana scene was fantastic.

Hello anon. Are you spying on my Discord messages. This is not an accusation but I literally brought up the Manson Family there in discussion of how a lot of the WBN fandom in that like, people see wizards of the citadel (rightfully) as The War-Mongering Establishment, but forget that actually, there exist plenty of counterculture groups that also suck and just bc the US Government does horrible things doesn't mean the Manson Family doesn't. What if the Citadel AND a lot of Witches fucking sucked.*

To get back to Critical Role though, YEAH the Vanguard has been hitting every single aspect of a cult, and look. I get that the best way to get people irl out of a cult is to just be present for them when they decide to leave and not cut them off (the same is true for how to help people in abusive relationships) but also once they start murdering I feel that is no longer the move. The Liliana scene made me deeply uncomfortable and unsettled in the best way, namely, I knew they were talking to a cult member who is in too deep for them to get her out right now, and who has done terrible things to innocent people in service to that cult. Which brings me back to the first paragraph: a very true twist on "what if both sides of a conflict sucked" is "what if the victim of a system can still perpetuate the harm of a system onto others". (Also, if we want to throw Midst into the list of things where people have no-nuance no-sociology takes, and talk more about Steel? "what if someone with power within a system can still be a victim thereof."

Like, that is a really consistent set of issues in media analysis, actually. There's a lot of "this is the good side, and this is the bad side," and "this is a victim, and this is a perpetrator" and no understanding of "both sides are bad (or even complicated)" and "wow it's almost like the way systems and especially cults keep running is because everyone except the very top is to an extent a victim, but also everyone is a perpetrator." Very few people are unfettered evildoers doing it just for kicks. You can have sympathy for Liliana and also acknowledge that it's pretty valid for Orym to have no room for that sympathy. Traumatized and manipulated people can still be shitty people.

*I'm neutral-to-faint-positive on Suvi/Ame as a ship but actually "wow both our establishments really suck, how can we make something better together" is a great basis for a ship and "oh my god no witches are perfect and right and wizards are Bad and Wrong you're so correct about everything" is a dogshit basis for a ship which I think is worth highlighting given that we are in fandom spaces here although I may come to regret this when I'm sober.

[passthroughtime]

Was Sawa-sensei really the only argument Yagami had? The answer may shock you

So, few people know that I fucking despise this take. It's been fun and still can be fun to me sometimes, but as time goes, I see more and more people thinking that unironically and even hate Yagami for this, among other things.

(Huge spoilers for both games ahead. Obviously.)

And I do a lot of (over)thinking myself, as I am writing a looong fic (first three chapters already live on ao3, sorry for shameless promo), and I always love to delve into characters' motives in canon events, goes with writing exclusively canon compliant things of course, and adding to my ever existing brainworms. Moreover, I'm revisiting Judgment atm for the first time since early 2020 if I'm being correct? And I see a lot of things I've forgotten which give lots what has happened in Lost Judgment pretty damn much sense. The Sawa argument is among these things.

First things first, what was the takeaway of the first game for Yagami? His trauma at first was that he fucked up bad and felt he had lost some crucial evidence that Okubo was actually the killer, but during the events of the game it transforms into "I haven't done anything to get to the truth". His trauma, as well Kuwana's, has its core in their inaction during the critical events of their lives. They were never the same again because they didn't do anything while they could, and yes, in that regard they are wounded in the same way.

How have they both responded? In a similar way. Yagami swore to always get involved there he can do something to change the situation before it escalates. Kuwana does the opposite, he tries to punish for the mistakes already made. (Which is funny considering that Yagami as a lawyer dealt with consequences while Kuwana as a teacher had the power to navigate people's lives to prevent the same mistakes, but it's the whole other theme in itself, and has little to do with the initial one.) Let's focus on Yagami though.

The only reason why Yagami repeatedly gets involved on his own in the Lost Judgment plot time and time again, though literally nobody asked him to do so, is the lesson which he learns in the first game. He says explicitly that he wants to get to the bottom of things, and not forget about cases when a trial is done. That's the reason why he doesn't want to be a lawyer again and why he can never be one again, not full-time at least.

And then Sawa gets murdered. Yagami draws parallel to Terasawa Emi (because of course he does) and is determined to bring everyone who is responsible for her death to the light. For now, it's Soma, the direct murderer, and Kuwana, which made Sawa the connecting thread between his crimes. Yagami realizes that Sawa's death was a tool for everyone to get what they wanted, like Emi's. He references it here:

At this point, Yagami has no proof to think otherwise. He thinks that everyone has forgot about Sawa and that she shouldn't have died. The very least Yagami could do, is to make sure everyone will answer for what they did to her. He sees that Kuwana feels guilty and quite shitty that the student which he thinks so highly of was murdered. Kuwana feels responsible, and Yagami knows that someday he will break.

I think it's also important to say that at no point of LJ has Yagami says anything remotely identifying the goal of his words and actions as "murder bad", but that's more obvious than anything else though requires explanation too if I'm to be believed that Yagami isn't after justice for all the murders.

This whole scene is the Sawa argument summarized, but if you look closer, it is really the only beef he has against Kuwana.

BTW he's not as goody two shoes as you prefer to see him in LJ, if his "I get how you feel" doesn't convince you.

And then the one person Kuwana is determined to do anything for has betrayed him, right before Yagami's eyes. What does Kuwana do? Abandon Yagami when Soma has said to his lackeys to do anything so he wouldn't escape, even murder him perhaps?

Great question, Yagami. This really does contradict everything he has thought of Kuwana since forever. After, instead of a goodbye Kuwana makes sure Soma couldn't stay on the boat longer and kidnap/kill Yagami. RK had no time for that, fleeing was the priority over someone they can find some time after.

First thing Yagami does is visit Kusumoto at the hospital, where he learns she has no regard to Kuwana's life, as long as her son is safe and her crime stays uncovered. Which is fine, I guess, though it's sad because Kuwana would do anything for her and for Mitsuru, but whatever. Ehara doesn't come around too, which also understandable, though Kuwana has risked his life to give Yagami the crucial evidence, he is nothing to him and has already played his part. He is just a tool in his revenge. Wait... What?

Yes, actually it's Kuwana who is being brushed off as collateral damage by everyone. Everyone he has helped actually. And he hasn't come clean during the time before Ehara's trial (he at least could leak the information or point to the body without endangering himself, idk) nor he disappeared to save his skin.

After the trial he thanks Yagami for helping Ehara (which Kuwana wasn't able to do himself) and points to his, and Kawai's body, location. Kuwana knows damn well he can die, but getting to the one who murdered Sawa is more important to him. So, Kuwana has no one on his side, even himself.

No one is going to save him. Sure, he isn't as innocent as Emi, he has fucked some shit up. Does he deserve to disappear for good and be forgotten, or even worse, be remembered as a psycho teacher who killed his student? Yagami doesn't think so. All Yagami sees is that Kuwana desperately tries to protect everyone who did everything right or did nothing at all, every victim of bullying. He has no other motive.

Yagami takes no shit from Kuwana, he isn't afraid or angry when Kuwana threatens to blow up the warehouse (as Sugiura and Higashi for example). He knows that Kuwana isn't capable of killing anyone who doesn't deserve it, he takes no pleasure in murder and doesn't do it for personal gain. Yagami, Kaito, everyone else aren't guilty of anything which deserves death as punishment.

If not for the gang, he would set off the bomb though, I'm 100% sure. But that's besides the point.

So, returning to the question: Was Sawa-sensei really the only argument Yagami had? An answer is yes. Because he really doesn't fucking care bullies are being murdered, slay worstie. But it's not because he's such a crappy lawyer, but because he realizes the importance of a person's life above everything else. And a person who cares is not necessarily stupid or unprofessional.

You can argue all you want who was right and who was wrong. It doesn't matter for the characters.

It was never about justice. They don't argue from a legal point of view. It was about remembering about the importance of a person's life.

I beg you to look at this story from another perspective. Not as a technical coldly-perfect story it should've been. People are imperfect, and Yagami, first and foremost, a person. A person who cares. And JE with LJ as stories can be imperfect... but also realistic.

Terasawa Emi is murdered for the greater good. Sawa is murdered for selfish reasons. Kuwana is almost murdered for the both. I can't imagine Yagami would want to go through lots of red tape to do something someday. He does this something right now. Because the lives of people, living and breathing, should be protected right now and valued above what's right legally.

Please, stop looking at fiction as something which should be perfect, or make more sense, be more logical and emotionally detached than the real world. Some can be like that, but Judgment hasn't been from the start.

[lindszeppelin]

The age gap is definitely a problem for Austin now. They are truly are in 2 completely different points in life. Hence why he said they have nothing in common. Kaia has played her cards and shown she really isn't what he thought she was.

Austin is very much career driven. He takes his work seriously and wants to excel in everything he does. He wants to earn the respect of his peers. He busted his butt for 20 years and has worked hard for his roles. He doesn't expect handouts. As far as relationships, I don't think he necessarily is looking for marriage quite yet. But he is a relationship guy. He is looking for someone who is on his level. Someone he can have intellectual conversations with. Who has a strong work ethic, etc.

Kaia is 22 and acts like she's 22, which is fine. The problem is she tries to act older than her years. She changes herself for her boyfriend of the time. She can try to act like she's mature all she wants, but at the end of the day she's a spoiled rich kid. Nothing will change that. She relies on her parents status to get ahead in life. It's pretty obvious she has no work ethic or drive to be better. She expects to be handed roles because of her parents, their connections (laura dern), her attachment to Austin, and b/c she's pretty (which is subjective). She has the personality of a wet mop. Shows no emotion (dead eyes, monotone voice)...you get the picture.

I agree that at first Austin thought this could be a good idea. But it's been clear for a few years now, that Kaia is not at all what he thought. He wants out. He's seen they have nothing in common other than maybe a love for reading, which is not a reason to continue dating. The writing has been on the wall since 2023. Now, we wait for Austin to make his move...

It really sucks because she clearly played him into her hand when he was vulnerable. She was on a mission to get with Austin as soon as she dumped Elordi, and she had to have researched Austin's interests to hook him in. I'm sure Austin was taken aback by someone Kaia's age being into niche books or movies that he also liked, etc. Perhaps he also believed the clear lie that she likes to taut around as being older for her age. His windshield was foggy, let's just say it like that. Which is perfectly understandable for the mindset he was in. He wasn't seeing things clearly, and she was doing a great job at putting on a deceptive mask and hooking him in. Being pretty and liking books might have been interesting in the beginning as he was trying to figure out who he was and navigate his career and being in his 30s, but once the rose colored glasses come off and you're seeing things for what they are, that leaves a pit in your stomach of "oh shit what have I gotten myself into?".

I'm sure he tried to make the best of a shitty situation while he had to, and tried to get her to be serious about her career for once in her life, and implement a bit of humility in her. He wants to see the good in people I think. And he hoped she would get off his back and actually put pen to paper, so to speak, and do something meaningful with her acting career if that's what she wants. But the more it went on, clearly he saw she wasn't going to stop taking the easiest path to victory.

Also I agree that Austin is a man that likes being in relationships. He doesn't have to be ready for marriage, and even if he was it was never going to be with her anyway. He understands that it has to be the right person and the right set of circumstances. Kaia Gerber does not have the right values or morals to bring to a real marriage with a real man that comes from a family of divorced parents, and therefore thinks even more critically about what a lasting committed marriage means. He knows that when he eventually wants to settle down that it's gonna be with a woman that is on his same wavelength. He's been in this fucked up situationship for so long that he needs to have fun with the next woman he's with. Enjoy life again, be carefree and happy with someone on his level. And i'm excited for that day to come where we get to see him take a load off his shoulders and walk with pride alongside that special lady

[eliziarts]

It really gets me how you can't say shit about Helluva Boss (or Hazbin Hotel for that matter) to actually critique without fans getting buthurt, and the only people agreeing with you people who just hate Vivzipop (for the record i dont lol). But here are my gripes that I wish people were actually talking about (btw I really *want* to love Helluva Boss and none of this is mean-spirited, just things I've noticed that I wish the team would fix, or I believe are beyond fixing):

1. The very confused tone. I know a lot of people deflect any criticism from the show by saying 'oh but it's a comedy you shouldn't take it too seriously'. Here's the thing- it's literally taking itself too seriously. There's a balance that a show can have between dark elements and humor, but Helluva Boss consistently tries to tackle very, VERY heavy subjects. This combined with the Brandon Rodgers-essque d!ck joke comedy doesn't.. work. At least not in the way they're attempting. I think the most egregious example of this is the scene in the latest episode when Moxie's dad is literally threatening to kill him if he doesn't follow through with an arranged marriage... immeadiatly followed by Moxie walking though a hall of wall d!ldos. It kind of says, 'hey, we were taking this really seriously 2 seconds ago, but jk actually now you should laugh!'

Juxtaposition doesn't work if it actively confuses its audience on what to feel. I'm not sure how much influence Vivzie and Brandon have on the outcome of the show vs the rest of the writing team, but it seems like Brandon's humor and Vivzie's tendency to write melodramatic soap opera scenes just aren't really meshing together quite right. I wish it had more similar pacing and tone shifts that HH had, because it felt more sudden in a purposeful way, rather than 'we're too lazy to find a good transition between these two scenes.'

2. Why does Vivziepop never write interesting female characters? I know this is talked about a bit more, but it's growing increasingly prevalent in Helluva Boss. We still haven't gotten an episode focused on any of the female leads that's actually about *them*.

Millie is practically nonexistent without her relationship to Moxie. Even the episode where we meet her family, it doesn't give us any insight about her. Every time she goes feral(tm) it's either to save her husband or it's part of a group fight. The only backstory we got for Loona was there to service Blitzo's character, and show us *his* reaction. The only things we've seen with Octavia were put there to help us learn more about Stolas. Even in the scene where they only had Loona and Octavia on the screen, it didn't feel like it was about them at all. It didn't feel like the scene existed to show us them bonding about their shitty dads. It felt like the scene was there to once again ask the audience to give Blitzo and Stolas pity points. Which- brings me to my next problem.

3. Its justifications of abuse. I know they're in hell. Most of them should be shitty people, and they are! But I wish the story would stop trying to pretend they're not. Helluva Boss keeps doing this thing where it draws a line between 'good' abuse and 'bad' abuse. And this kind of completely changed Stolas and Blitzo's relationship. Ik some people may like this change but I personally don't.

Earlier on, we were made to believe Stolas kind of fucked up by cheating on his wife. Not only did this affect Stella (tho ofc we later learn it's due to image reasons) but his daughter as well. It's just generally an uncomfortable and tricky situation. And I liked it! It was interesting and had levels of nuance. However, now that we know that he was basically being abused by Stella this entire time, and met Blitzo when they were kids (which is a WHOLE OTHER UNCOMFORTABLE CAN OF WORMS LMAO) the audience no longer feels like Stolas did anything wrong. Now his actions feel justified.

As much as I loved his confrontational scene with Stella the first time I watched it, as I know many people did, I also know that it kind of ruined any sense of nuance that whole situation had. Now, Stolas suddenly has been absolved from any previously implied mistakes. And, Stella is portrayed as this 1 dimensional cruel monster.

Which brings me to the point of abuse in this show. It's a very prevalent theme, and it's a heavy one for a show branded as a sit-com to portray (hard, but not impossible). But it fails on the end that it doesn't stay consistent in its condemnation of it. Every time a character does something 'bad', as soon as we find out there is a reason for this bad behavior, the show suddenly makes it seem like we should feel bad for them and that their actions are justified because they're a broken person. See: the narrative around Stolas' affair suddenly being changed as soon as we find out he was being abused by Stella.

Inconsistent emotional consequences in writing is lazy for sure. But the real problem is when it gets to the abuse side of things, it can actually become harmful. It's implied that Blitzo had an emotionally abusive relationship with Verosika. But ohh we know he had a fucked up childhood and has fear of forming emotional bonds so! Geuss it's okay! But when it comes to Stella, she's just downright mean, 1 dimensional, and literally says she's doing things for no reason other than to make Stolas suffer.

It's important to note that every single time a character gets a *reason* for their assholery, it becomes a *justification* in the way the show frames it. But whenever a character doesn't have a reason for being as asshole, like Stella (at least not one that's shown), that's where the show then draws the line.

This is harmful! Hate to break it to you but the bulk of abusive people out there were abused themselves. They have multitudes of reasons for why they are the way they are. But that doesn't excuse their actions! And I really hate that this is the standard of framing Helluva Boss has set up for their show because now, no matter how bad a character's actions are, they can slap on a sad backstory and suddenly make that character a sympathetic one.

Yeah but anyways idk. If you read all of that I thank you for taking ur time to listen to my 2 cents. The last episode I really enjoyed was the Ozzie's one and I'm just kinda bummed at a lot of this stuff I mentioned.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Day Two - Bet

Barry was eleven years old when he first met Lup. He and his moma moved from the great empty plains of Georgia into the bustling city of San Diego in California. It was a pretty drastic change, but Mama’s sister lived out here for them to stay with, so Barry was trying not to make a huge fuss about it.

Still, it was weird here. Living in the city was far too loud. Barry didn’t know how anyone could sleep with all the noise. Even at night, there were car horns and bright lights and just- too much, sometimes. Way, way too much. He couldn’t hear the crickets over all the noise. He wasn’t sure California had crickets.

And the kids here were different. Back home, they’d get into scuffles a lot, but they’d always make up after each other. Barry had known the kids there his whole life. Their school was small enough that he knew every face, and everyone knew him. Here, there was more than one classroom per grade. He had already been dreading middle school, but he felt like he could Barry breathe in the hallways with so many people around.

But Mama— or, now just “Mom”, because someone overheard that he still called her Mama and started picking on him- knew what she was doing. She worked a lot more now. Barry supposed that came with the new territory. He was trying to get used to it.

But it was very, very hard.

She was never late picking him up from school on purpose. Sometimes she just ran a little behind. And his aunt and uncle were gone this week for a holiday, so they couldn’t come pick him up. He was trying to learn his way home, but every street corner looked the same here. Barry didn’t remember which towering building their apartment was in, let alone which of the endless streets it was on.

And it was raining.

The line for student pickup was slowly winding down. Barry kept his umbrella over his head, his eyes trained on the parking lot. She should be here soon. Unless she got hurt somehow? Or got fired and she was too sad to pick him up? Or something absolutely terrible had happened—

“Hey!” said a voice above him.

Barry jerked back, nearly falling off the bench. Standing there was someone he just vaguely recognized— from orchestra, maybe? From orchestra, definitely. She was carrying a violin case, which she set on the bench next to him. The bottom half of her pants was covered with mud.

“Uhm,” Barry said. “Hi.”

“Bet I can make a bigger splash in that mud puddle than you,” she said, pointing to a puddle further away from the school doors.

“Uhm,” Barry said again. “Prob— probably?”

“That is not the response I wanted,” mud girl said, somewhat critically. “But I’ll take it. C’mon, I’m gonna prove you right.”

Lup was… wow. Lup was. And from that moment forward, she Was with him included. She didn’t fix all his problems- he had too many of those. But over time, the harsh words from the other kids meant less and the sound of Lup’s laugh meant more. Life wasn’t better, but it was something. She was something.

Barry wouldn’t say that Lup was perfect by any means, but she made it a lot easier on him. Any time he’d get an “anxious face” (which he didn’t know what the fuck looked like, but Lup said it was very obvious), she’d nudge him and say-

“I bet I can talk to our waiter more than you can.”

“I bet I can get dressed faster than you.”

“I bet I can do the solo better than you.”

And Barry’s responses began to build from blubbering excuses into laughter into,

“Yeah? I bet you can’t.”

Barry— man, Barry will admit it, he was not a smart guy. Sure, his grades were good and he got into a good college but, it was sometimes hard to see what was right in front of him. It took several people to make him realize that his affection towards Lup might kinda be crush behavior. And it took over a decade to realize that, oh! Duh! She liked him back.

“Hey,” Barry said, nudging her. They were sitting in the back of their friend Magnus’s shitty pickup truck, deep into the country. There were crickets chirping around them. Barry always thought it was wild how you couldn’t see the stars in the city. Lup said she didn’t get the big deal of it all until the first time Barry brought her out here. The expression on her face when she first truly saw the sky was one he’d never forget.

“Hm?”

“Bet I can propose better than you can,” Barry said. Lup raised her eyebrows, her mouth quirking up into a smile.

“Oh?” she said. “Is that a challenge, babe?”

“Maybe,” Barry said. “If you want it to be.”

“You are going down,” Lup said, winding her arms around his shoulders. “I am gonna propose to you so hard.”

“I look forward to it,” Barry said, leaning in to kiss her. 

[taylortruther]

i think matty was too dismissive of people's concerns and he should really, truly apologize for all of the shitty, racist crap he said.

but at the same time, I think some of what he said is real. like all of us being so worked up online over one person is a bit ridiculous. representation matters and who we hold up in our society matters, but if we really don't like him and don't like taylor for dating him, then we as individuals should just move on, not give him/them our money, stop running our fan blogs, etc. writing pages and pages about someone online is something people do ultimately just to make themselves feel better and like they're a good person.

or, if you still want to be a taylor fan, we don't need to see your long, drawn out explanation for why that's ultimately still justifiable because x y and z. just say you are still supporting her without writing a whole explanation about why you're actually still a good person.

i generally agree with you. no comment on whether matty should have apologized better, really. i think he should've but i absolutely did NOT expect it and will not expect it in the future.

this reply got super long but it was inspired by conversations i've been having with some pals in dms and irl, and how the conversation has evolved (or not evolved) online. so i might be guilty of your last paragraph here and if i am being a holly stallcup right now, so be it!

but there are two things i personally believe about this situation:

a) matty has said and done gross things and now taylor is associating with him (to put it lightly), and people are struggling to cope with that. it's deeply unpleasant to know she wants to date this idiotic edgelord.

b) remaining a fan of taylor's music is truly not indicative of how you personally feel about the issues of racism, sexism, antisemitism, bigotry, and so on.

i think most of fandom on tumblr shares both of these feelings. however, it's a process. some people idolize taylor way and so the idea of giving her up, or changing their perspective/relationship with her, is REALLY hard. a lot of fans are just thinking out loud and processing in real-time, and i think that should be encouraged, because i believe acknowledging taylor's different political opinions or behaviors is critical to moving on to more productive political engagement. it's a good mental exercise, especially for people who are in the early stages of their social justice education.

on the other hand, i see a lot of in-fighting going on; there's been a lot of shaming of other fans, posts suggesting you are "bad fan" or "bad person" if you aren't loudly decrying taylor enough.

and the thing is, the real issue here is racism and bigotry and creating a more just society. a symptom of this issue is that matty, and men as a whole, make comments or jokes like this as a matter of course. why is that? how do we coexist with men who find violence against women, and especially women of color, joke-worthy? if, at the end of the day, we share the same larger political goal as matty, of wanting a better and more just world for everyone, then how do we make sense of his "jokes" in relation to his politics? is it possible you can have a deeply shitty view of x and y issues, and still care about justice in some form (ie, can men in the dirtbag left still add value to social justice movements)? and when we hold people accountable for those hurtful behaviors or words or beliefs, what are we expecting? is it reasonable? do we want education and forgiveness or do we want to exile people who fuck up? what level of fuck up requires exile and which require forgiveness? what are the pros and cons of each and how do those decisions get us to the overall end goal of creating a just world for everyone?

these are, imo, the real concerns. these are what we are trying to talk about when we talk about matty's racist comments. the real issue is not whether you still enjoy reblogging gifs of taylor or if you still want to go to her concert or if you still listen to her music. and unfortunately a lot of the well-meaning conversations people are having end up sounding like taylor is the biggest problem here.