#sherlock cannot stand being alone

[lokijiro]

I consider Mycroft to be an introvert and Sherlock an extrovert. And I wonder how much of this is the result of nature and how much the result of nurture.

Mycroft is seven years older than Sherlock, and he would have been quite alone (except for parents and other adults like aunts and uncles) until Sherlock was born. And Sherlock would not have been able to hold a conversation until Mycroft was about 10. Being a loner would feel natural; he knew nothing else.

Sherlock, on the other hand, has had Mycroft in his life for as long as he can remember. Mycroft would have to leave for school and that would have been hard on little Sherlock, making him long for his big brother. But Mycroft was always a part of his life. Being a loner does not feel natural for Sherlock.

[virahaus]

I've got several ideas rolling around in my brain rn, so bear with me okay. I'm gonna do one now, and another one maybe tomorrow if y'all can stand my yapping two days in a row and are interested on hearing more😂

Anyhow! If you don't know, I'm what you could call a sleuth girly. I LOVE murder mysteries. I basically grew up with milk and detectives. I've got them all: Sherlock, Detective Conan, murder she wrote, Maigret, Miss Marple... But my all time favourite is, and probably always be, Poirot. There's just something about that funny and arrogant yet brilliant and lovable little guy that just has me rewatching the show with Suchet so many times I know the plots of every episodes. Yes, I'm aware there's 13 seasons. You must understand I cannot remember a time where I wasn't watching a murder mystery with Poirot. Literally.

All this to say, I'm a sucker for a good old murder mystery and I'm dying (pun intended) for a GFFA murder mystery Obikin style.

There's so many possibilities!!!! I'm going insane over here. (Not to sound like a bloodthirsty gal. But. I need a murder with obikin involved in some type of way.)

Just to further my propaganda, if you look at AOTC it's kind of a murder mystery too. Obikin is trying to prevent Padme's murder and also fell face first into a bigger intrigue. But! Not enough for my tastes.

I have multiple ideas about this concept.

There's a murder in the Temple.

This is such a delicious idea. I'm so upset nobody wrote this kind of thing yet. Imagine:

In the middle of the night, 18 y/o padawan Anakin is working on a ship in the hangar cause he can't sleep, and, suddenly, he gets a strange feeling in the force. He goes to investigate and...

He finds a body.

The man is dead, throat slashed, blood everywhere. Anakin doesn't yell out loud but he screams so strongly in the force he wakes up half the temple, including the Council and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan finds Anakin standing paralysed over the corpse, just looking at it with a vacant expression. Anakin is ushered away immediately and Obi-Wan is the only one who gets him to speak again and asks if he saw anyone else or if he heard anything while working. Anakin doesn't remember anything in particular and doesn't say much. The council is in an uproar. The identity of the man murdered is unknown. He wasn't a jedi, but he was dressed in jedi robes. Nobody knows him. Nobody saw him entering the temple. Nobody heard anything. Which is per se super suspicious. How did this man enter the temple? Why was he wearing jedi robes? Why was he murdered and the body left there for someone to discover? Did Anakin spook the killer and he bolted? Was the killer going to move the body? But if he planned this, why choose the Jedi Temple to kill someone when Coruscant has many shady allies where murder goes undetected?

The council is fumbling, people are getting suspicious of everyone and Anakin, being the one who discovered the body, is getting the brunt of it. Because of this, Anakin (once he overcame the shock) is determined to uncover the mystery, much to Obi-Wan's displeasure. Obi-Wan doesn't want Anakin anywhere near this. For Obi-Wan, Anakin was already way too close to this. Hyper protective, suspicious AND angry (cause how dare!!!! people suspect his baby boy???!!!); Obi-Wan is in overdrive rn. He's worried about his fellow Jedi, yes, but the horror of finding Anakin standing over a corpse, trembling from head to toe? Anakin being terrified to go around the temple alone, when before he relished sneaking in those halls to be alone? Anakin getting shunned by most of peers? Unacceptable. Obi-Wan will find the killer just so he can present his head (ahem, metaphorically ofc) to Anakin in a Grand gesture of love and everlasting commitment,,, of completely normal and equilibrated jedi behaviour towards their padawan. Right.

Anyway, the pathos gets higher when Anakin almost get killed and everyone realises Anakin really did see/heard something that implicated the killer and is then the new intended victim. Obi-Wan is foaming at the mouth. The Council literally has to plead him not to interrogate/threaten every single jedi, including younglings, into a confession and to leave it to the proper authorities. Obi-wan is like "respectfully, eat shit" and stalks off. Never he has been so close to kidnap Anakin and elope ahem leave the order as he has rn. Why he hasn't? cause Anakin doesn't want to leave without catching the killer and Obi-Wan is down bad for his pout. He does kidnap Anakin into sleeping in his bed tho. for safety reasons. of course.

In the end, Anakin figures out what exactly did see/heard that incriminated the killer and Obi-Wan tells him he'll talk to the authorities about it, dear one, no need for you to go anywhere near that scum = READ: Obi-Wan goes on the murder spree himself. Picture this: Obi-Wan bursting into the council meeting, Anakin there cause Yoda wanted him "close" (READ= Obi-Wan's doing, cause no way in hell was Obi-Wan leaving Anakin unsupervised while he was hunting dead meat ahem the killer) and here comes Obi-Wan, dragging the beat up killer in front of everyone and his mother and doing the most obvious speech of unending devotion towards Anakin who figured out the killer's identity. Obi-Wan is being bestowed the most "fuck me" eyes by Anakin ever. Which he's totally down for, dear one, let's wait for your knighthood tho.

(Spoiler alert. They did not wait. Anakin was bouncing on it that night, asap.)

And there's one! I'm having so much fun ehehehe

If anyone is interested tomorrow we'll get to:

There's a murder in the Senate.

[hotjaneaustenmenpoll]

Semi-Final Two

Propaganda...

Mr Knightley (2009):

Johnny Lee Miller as Knightley is JUST SO. I mean the way he says "if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" IS JUUUST. The dance scene. The tentative shy smiles. The fact you can see in his eyes the entire time " I am completely in love with this woman. She'll never love me back BUT I DO NOT CARE I'LL LOVE HER FROM A DISTANCE ANYWAY" IS JUUUUUUST

We need to appreciate Mr Knightley more for both his snark and for those soft eyes just so full of love for Emma

GIF by dearemma

I was just going to send in the actual dance but the little panic he has when Emma says she knows his secret is just soo charming. There was some thread on twitter a few years ago about how a romcom man's most important quality is knowing how to look at a woman and JLM is just the master of it in this Emma

I really feel like the pictures say it all. He stands there, head tilted to one side. He is listening to you. His posture is relaxed. His gaze open, frank, candid. He's not trying at all. He just is.And that's why he is Knightley.

GIF by night-unfurls-its-splendour

Some propaganda, not just for Jonny Lee Miller, but the general interpretation of 09 Knightley. I have some excerpts here from my review of the 09 adaptation:

What I really think is great about the 2009 interpretation of Mr. Knightley is what an easy and comforting presence he is, without being apologetic when he scolds Emma. I think this is communicated especially well by how often we are actually shown Mr. Knightley taking his almost-daily walks to Hartfield, how smoothly he comes and goes, and how happy Emma is every time she sees him coming up the path (usually, just at the perfect moment when she needs something to put her back to rights.)

Here is Emma, feeling lonely after Miss Taylor's wedding. And in the background, walking up to Hartfield--there's Knightley. He's always been there for her, and he always will be.

And also this Mr. Knightley is as understated as ever, but I wanna highlight this outfit and why I love it: This is Knightley’s first appearance in the series and it’s the perfect establishing shot that shows the viewer everything they need to know about Emma and Knightley’s relationship and how it has always been. He sort of materializes, out of focus in the background, but Emma immediately knows he’s there. And to accentuate how much Knightley is part of her home and scenery, his clothes (similar shades of pale tan, white and minty green to the wall behind him) almost camouflage him and make him seem at one with the moulding of her home.

Additionally, Jonny Lee Miller captures Knightley’s playful qualities, and his exasperation is so endearing

GIF by christophernolan

GIF by sashajames

GIF by christophernolan

I can’t be the only one tickled by this Knightley’s frustration with Emma! JLM FTW!

Jonny Lee Miller is mesmerizing in any role he inhabits. It’s 2009 Knightly all the way.

no but can you actually go vote for mr knightley he was FOUNDATIONAL for 16 year old me my favourite portrayal of my favourite austen man cannot fall at this hurdle!!!

He is my ultimate Austen Dream Man, I'm with him until the end. Honestly this adaptation is my very favorite of them all (P&P 1995 is a VERY close second) because it made me fall in love with Emma as a story? Honestly no other adaptation or indeed even my reading of the book made me love it quite as much. My crush on JLM goes back to 1995 and I do think he is one of the better actors of his generation - his range alone is just impeccable. The fact that he can go from Sick Boy to Mr. Knightley to Sherlock to Jordan Chase is really something. Of all the actors I know, his range is the most impressive. But i love how bright and sunny this adaptation is. The colors, it is as vibrant as Emma should be! The Kate Beckinsale Emma is dark and terrifying to me, not at all suitable an adaptation. I like the Paltrow Emma a lot, but it's got the same issue the 2005 P&P has for me -- it's just too short. This is tonally just right, and the casting is lovely, and JLM is just at his dashing best. His face is so expressive, he is so capable of communicating so much without saying a word. His open jealousy of Frank Churchill is delightful to watch. His face when Emma tells him his secret is out at the ball! JLM is maybe the most underrated actor of his generation and I LOVE that he has been multiple Austen heroes. I maintain that in a future adaptation of Pride & Prejudice, an older JLM would make an EXCELLENT Mr. Bennet. He would convey the right amount of grumpy but fond beautifully.

Look. Do people realize JLM hates wearing period clothing AND hates dancing? And yet in Emma he's sashaying around in pink jackets looking amazing and is THAT convincing? That's called BRILLIANT ACTING!!

A tiny bit of Mr Knightley 2009 propaganda but I love that they put in that bit from the book where he looks like he's going to kiss Emma's hand when he's saying goodbye but then he hesitates and doesn't and I just...it's such a tiny detail but conveys so much!

GIF by myforeverworldofmovie

It’s the only Emma adaptation that really hits the romance notes well. Knightley’s crowning moment of awesome really feels like it (when he rescues Harriet from humiliation) and his subsequent dancing with Emma does make you feel a shift in their relations. Love this adaptation. - This Knightley and Emma in particular are equals. They quarrel, not because he’s telling her off, but because they can have an argument because they know each other, trust each other and care about each others opinions, and there is never a sense of domination of one over the other. This adds so much fire to the romance, and it’s so unusual for a romance of that era (or even one written today!!). - Emma is rich, clever and beautiful and as powerful as a woman of her age and situation could be at the time and she married Knightley for no other reason but because he’s her best friend and his company for the rest of her life will enrich her. - He even leaves his house to move in with her!

Captain Wentworth (1995):

Ciaran Hinds has that perfect ruggedness yet friendliness to his face that makes him the perfect charming Wentworth. And all of the longing that he manages to convey in his eyes is so hot.

Wentworth may be angry/resentful with Anne but in general he is charming and the best friend you could ever have. Ciaran gets the pleasant parts of his character and brings them out, while keeping a guarded coolness (protective camouflage) with Anne.

GIF by molinaesque

I dunno if this counts as propaganda or not, but Ciaran Hinds has a face that looks like it was jackhammered out of a shale cliff.

If a line like 'I am half agony...half hope' comes out of a face like that you know that man has a soul for poetry.

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.  

This is propaganda for the next round because I need my boy to be a finalist! But this letter is all the persuasion I need to know that he is a winner

Ciarán Hinds in this is a whole other level of "a good man" He makes Anne's decision at the end so much more perfect.

[cutieebabyy]

avoidance - k.b

summary: y/n and katsuki are best friends, but what happens y/n suddenly realizes her feelings for him and ends up avoiding him, thinking he doesn’t reciprocate those feelings?

(happy ending. suggestive ending.)

catching feelings for katsuki was never on my bucket list. for some apparent reason, my heart chose him. my best friend out of all people. am i crazy for loving him? even though he’s immensely flawed and incredibly rude at times, i find myself enamored with him.

katsuki has never been one for affection, but sometimes he’ll leave me some leftovers of the food he made the night before with a note on it, telling me to eat it before it goes bad. oh, and that time when he got kidnapped by the league of villains and he slept with me in my room for days. there’s also that time when everybody thought we were dating and he didn’t deny it.

am i foolish enough to slightly believe he’s got some sort of feelings for me? probably.

sometimes i catch him staring at me when he tutors me and i notice his walls crumbling, but when he realizes i’ve caught him, he immediately looks away. so, maybe he’s not totally in love with me?

whether he is or not, i cannot be the one to confess and suffer from the possibility of being rejected. so, instead of coming clean about my feelings for him, i avoid him.

i give him the cold shoulder. and i know he notices. or, well, i hope he does.

and i thought it was going amazing. i mean, i avoided him for weeks! although, it was kind of awkward when we ended up in the common rooms alone. or on the rooftop. or on the training grounds.

unfortunately, it didn’t last long.

i’m currently in my dorm, taking some notes with some soft music playing in the background. music helps me concentrate and without ‘suki, i desperately need anything that’ll help me pass this stupid exam.

a knock snaps me out of my thoughts. maybe it’s mina coming to get her headphones back. she accidentally left them here the last time we had a sleepover.

knock.

she knocks again and i sigh. “gee, i’m going!”

when i open the door, mina bakugo stands at my door. he exhales a shaky breath, looking back at me. he looks shocked i even opened the door. unfortunately, i didn’t even know it was him. had i known, i wouldn’t have opened it, no matter how much i truly missed him.

“y/n.” he pushes his way past me and takes a seat on my bed. i scoff, crossing my arms against my chest. “sure, come on in.” i mutter sarcastically, shutting the door behind me.

“what are you doing here, katsuki?” i ask.

“you’ve been avoiding me.” thank you, sherlock holmes. “why?” he runs a hand through his hair, gazing up at me with those crimson eyes.

i shrug. “just needed space.”

“from me?” my heart breaks at the vulnerability in his voice and i instantly regret avoiding him. katsuki has always had a hard time articulating his emotions and even more expressing them, so for him to let his walls down and show me the genuine despair just proves how much he cares for me. “did i do something? look, i’m sorry for giving deku crap again, he jus—“

“it’s not that, ‘suki, and no, you didn’t do anything. i promise.”

“then, what is it? please, help me out here, y/n, because i’ve never felt this way before and i—“ he inhales sharply, rubbing his hand over his chest. i crumble at the sight. i hurt him. in hopes of not getting my own heart broken, i hurt his and now i’ve hurt my own, too.

“oh, ‘suki.” i make my way over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. his head rests over my stomach and he sighs. “tch, i missed you, idiot.” he looks up at me, his ears tinting pink.

“i know. i’m sorry. i missed you.” i rake a hand through his hair. “i just—“

“you just what, hm?” he hums.

“i can’t say it. you’re going to hate me.”

“i could never hate you, y/n.”

a few moments pass of us staring at each other before i decide to finally blurt it out. “i’m in love with you.”

“is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” he pauses. “‘cause you’re in love with me?”

i bite the inner corner of my lip. “uh-huh.” my hand tightens around his hair, but he doesn’t pay any mind to it— not even a wince.

“you idiot.” my heart stops. “i’m in love with you, too. if you’d just told me instead of being a scaredy cat, you’d have known that.”

before i can reply, he reaches up, curls a hand around the back of my neck, and smashes his lips onto mine. he doesn’t waste any time, forcing his tongue into my mouth. i gasp before biting down on his lip. he growls, pulling away from me. “you just made me bleed?”

i don’t apologize nor do i look away from the blood oozing from his bottom lip. “i love you, ‘suk.”

“yeah, yeah. love ya more, brat.”

i chuckle, crashing my lips onto his again, toppling down on the mattress with him.

by the time we’re done, i can’t even remember why i ever avoided him in the first place.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Sherliam Bracket Start

Unfortunately, I cannot give you a good image bracket to work off of because the entry names are descriptions of events and not names.

But if the bracket is numbered like this:

Ad then starts at 17-32 down the other side--

Here are the entries:

"Did you just call me Sherlock?"

"Catch me if you can, Mr. Holmes."

Fussing about William needing to stay safe in the apartment

Wishing to be reborn in another world to hold hands as true friends

Standing on the same horizon

Fighting back-to-back literally

Staring longingly as a train carries your crush away

Two pages of flashbacks before they fight on the bridge

Sitting in spousal positions at their dinner party

Almost-kiss in 221B

William wanting to throw his whole life away for Sherlock

Teasing over coffee

Restarting the fire in William's heart

Almost exclusively using nicknames

Swearing to live their lives together

Flirting via deduction

Scampering across a train car to sit by your crush

Running around wildly to find William on the rooftop

Recounting the story of their wedding vows to everyone they know

Pining over a coma bed

"I've finally caught you. I won't leave you alone."

Complimenting each other after bullying a university together

Calling Liam a lighthouse in a storm

Panicking over William's well-being with a broken arm

"I wanted it to be you."

The red string of fate leading to William

Louis recognizing only Sherlock can save William

Throwing a tantrum because your murderer crush ghosted you

Talking Billy's ear off about William for 6 months

Jumping off a bridge

Sniffing a man in public

Parenting a kid into going to college

Each round gets a week for votes and arguing before one gets eliminated and we move on. We're not starting with any propaganda here, so you'll have to post yours in the reblogs.

Let's have some fun celebrating our juggernaut for this fandom!

[dykedvonte]

The Color of Captain Curly

The color white and Curly are very interesting as we can talk about how white is very bland, neutral and devoid of a lot of connotations in regards to how it is typically used. The function of white is often as a background that makes a lot of more vibrant colors stand out, in and of itself very nothing and easy to stain or impose upon. However, in discussing the function of white as a color or pigment, its subjective use, Curly’s personality and purpose within the crew becomes a lot more critical as does its distinctiveness.

I want to first start off talking about the color white alone. The color white itself is a combination of all the colors on the spectrum, a far cry from the common misconception that white is actually devoid of anything. It is not visible on the color spectrum as it truly is an optical illusion in some way, just like the color pink (but this post isn't about Daisuke). We can make a lot of inferences about something that is not necessarily its own. I think this is a key factor of the function of white as being something that encompasses than is left out, white is simple but faceted. As a color in application it helps tint and lessen tones in a way. This is considered changing the hue of the color creating the ability to make other colors less garish and more cohesive. It is commonly referred to changing the brightness of the color but that is factually incorrect. The brightness does not change but the hue as mentioned before, our perception of it changes but it remains concrete, its own.

When this effect is added to white the color itself with some other color, it can be seen as white being altered by the more vibrant color, however now knowing that white is encompassing rather than devoid, we should rather discuss it as this color brings out what is already there. When white is present, it means all colors of light are being reflected equally, very important for the context of the story.

Keeping in line with all of this and Curly, I want to bring in the board game and how the pieces are being played on a white backdrop. The pieces cannot move on the board without it, it is the path, the guide and what makes those pieces stand out. Even the home bases are not colored with the pieces' own shades but white. White is the most important aspect of the board game and is the constant, win or lose, the path will not change, will not move and shapes the way of play more than anything else. Trying to skirt around it is nearly impossible if you are playing fair. Metaphorically with the pieces being the crew and Curly being the board game path, we know he does not play the game, not actively. We know from flavor text that he is at least present even if not involved just like how the path does not fully affect the way of play but guides, monitors the way the others would strategize and play. It, like Curly, is not something you think of but need to make the whole thing work.

Curly is white (no shit sherlock). The color that is so encompassing that it can feel as though something is being left out. The identity in the crew that tints the others into lighter, more cohesive hues we can see fall apart when they try too hard to impose their colors onto him. In his absence we see the struggle to have their colors be the most present but the issue is they simply cannot exist as they are without white. Subtracting white alters colors completely but it takes much more to completely wash out white by adding something new. There is a consistency we see with Curly in his reactions and way of being both in stressful and mundane environments.

When he is stressed he is typically panicked but forced, very intense rather than completely sputtering as we see his biggest reaction is frustration: He is only gentle with Anya after he is no longer concerned with her or the crews wellbeing with the absence of the gun, he swears, not directly at her, and is focused solely on finding it (not cool dude). Likewise when he goes to stop the crash, he reacts similarly with that calm neutral panic before having a brief moment of lashing out at Jimmy. Here we see him tinted by the others but still wholly encompassed by his own reactions. This is just a small interaction, a minor example really, but is good for understanding the connection of white, Curly and how the color is used to paint his reaction as a character.

Curly is the sum of a lot of the crews parts. You can see a lot of the crew in Curly, not because he absorbs the light of those around him to color him as something distant but because it is already existent and you can see the coat of paint the role of captain covers him in, washed away through his reactions, affects and thoughts. More importantly you can see exactly how he painted the crews personalities in both his presence pre-crash and his absence post crash.

[gregorovitch-adler]

Never Leave Me Again

My eyes fluttered open after what felt like ages. After a moment of blurriness, I tried to make sense of my surroundings.

I found myself lying on the floor of the sitting room of 221 B Baker Street.

I must have fainted before.

Holmes was on his knees, towering over me from the left side.

Holmes. Mr Sherlock Holmes. My friend, my intimate companion, the only consulting detective in the world. The man the entire world thought to be dead.

Apparently, even death did not have a chance against him -- such was the power of my Holmes.

"Watson, my boy! Are you all right? You scared me to death for a good minute."

Something about his words ignited a fire in my heart. I clenched my fists in anger and frustration.

"Here I thought you were dead." I braced myself against the floor to be able to sit up. I grunted as I finally sat up straight.

Holmes looked down in embarrassment.

"Scared you to death, Holmes? Do you have any idea what I went through for these three years?" My eyes were welling up with tears.

I bent forwards to grasp his shoulder. Flesh and bones. I used my other hand to squeeze his shoulder properly, just to confirm that he was really there.

Holmes flinched in fear when I squeezed his shoulder. Did he really expect that I was going to beat him? It broke my heart to think he would even consider that a possibility.

"A thousand apologies, my dear Watson. I did not think you would be so affected."

"Why did you not? Did it not occur to you that you were my closest friend?"

"Of course, it did." Holmes' brow was furrowed. "I can assure you that you were not the only one who suffered all this time. I just thought that you would have moved on by now."

I moved a bit on the floor and wrapped my arms around Holmes to pull him in for an embrace. Holmes' arms were around my back now.

"Never." I swallowed hard. "I could never. Why would I even be here at Baker Street right now? I used to come here so many times a month, sometimes even daily, hoping you would come out of nowhere in front of me. I'm aware this was rather lunatic on my part. I could not help myself."

"You cannot imagine how many times I made up my mind and almost sent you a letter to inform you about my whereabouts. That would have been seriously lunatic of me, given how the situation related to Moriarty's network was at that time."

I gently held his head in my hand and pulled him closer. "You did not have to go through all that alone. I was right there with you that day. I always will be there with you."

"I know that, and I trust you deeply. I would never have forgiven myself, though, if something had happened to you because of me, or because of you being with me. I had to be alone."

I was not satisfied with his answer, but I decided to let it go for now.

We kept holding each other like this for a long moment.

"I am sorry."

I nodded in my reply. "How did you do it? There was no escape from the Reichenbach falls."

"I am exhausted right now, dear fellow. May I tell you about it later? I shall tell you the complete facts of the incidents over dinner."

My heart fluttered with joy at the sound of dinner together. I smiled and nodded as I let him go. "Promise me that you shall never leave me again."

Holmes took my hand in his own. "I will never leave you again. Now it's your turn to promise me something."

"What is it?" I asked, getting up from the floor to stand straight. Holmes did the same, and we were now facing each other.

"Move back in." His grey eyes were filled with hope.

"I will." His wish was my command. Always.

Holmes turned around and went to his old bedchamber.

I waited for him to disappear, and then I walked across the sitting room to look out of the window -- thinking about new beginnings with a broad smile on my face.

**

Prompt: Forgiveness by @fluff-cember

Tags: @lisbeth-kk @helloliriels @jamielovesjam @calaisreno @keirgreeneyes @totallysilvergirl @topsyturvy-turtely @peanitbear @gaylilsherlock , etc.

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Do headcanons for Billy or Moran.

I'll do both! 😊

Billy:

Is really easily moved to tears by music. Sometimes Sherlock breaks out his (not the same but it's passable) violin in the evenings and turns Billy and Crybaby William into a pair of sniffling messes on the couch.

Is absolutely great with kids

Plays baseball and is very good at it (gunslinger hand-eye coordination lol)

For all that he's generally very open and friendly, he has and is very private about his bleaker times. Sherlock and Liam learn to recognize when he's withdrawing. They can both relate and after a bit of trial and error they figure out what works to make him feel better: he needs to be left alone for a day or two but then he'll be really happy if they bring supper around and just kind of hang out at his place chatting with each other and not really putting any expectation on him to join in. Usually by the end of the evening he'll be much more cheerful, and if not, at least he knows he's not alone anymore.

He really wants to get a dog but hasn't been in a living situation yet that allows for it. Someday.

Moran:

Has been engaged at least once. Maybe before his "death," in a borderline-arranged kind of situation that he was glad to escape from via apparently dying.

Maybe William brought him into the group during a time when Albert wasn't around much due to school/military training/whatever, and the tension between Albert and Moran is actually that they are competing over who gets to be the best older brother/disciple.

Has family members still living and keeps track of them via the society pages and gossip, but has yet to reach out to them and possibly never will.

Though he didn't really interact with him before TFP in spite of being part of MI6, post-timeskip he has to report directly to Mycroft sometimes and they cannot stand each other.

Plays truly terrible pranks. Not terrible as in "offensive or harmful" but rather terrible as in "nobody got it, everybody was just confused."

[hot-on-my-watch]

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959) vs BBC Sherlock: The Hounds of Baskerville (2012)

I've been watching the 1959 filmThe Hound of the Baskervilles, which made me reflect on Mark Gatiss' adaptation and appreciate its humour even more.

Sadly I've never read Arthur Conan Doyle's original story but I will be endeavouring to do so ASAP!

Here are a few comparisons of the BBC series episode with the 1959 film:

"I'm going to Dartmoor!"

THoTB Film: Sherlock sends John down to Devon alone because he has other business to attend to. It later turns out that he's followed closely behind to track down a dangerous escaped convict on the moors nearby.

BBC modern day Sherlock episode THOB: Sherlock refuses to go to Devon merely because he cannot, as we British say, be arsed. He then threatens to send John alone, immediately and entirely on a whim; he is intrigued by Henry's use of the archaic word "hound". This convinces John to give Sherlock his emergency cigarette supply from benearh the mantlepiece skull.

"Are you... rich?"

Film: Henry Baskerville is extremely vain, arrogant and unpleasant. I am saddened that he does not die as I was rather hoping.

TV: Henry is a traumatised, slightly pathetic but pleasant person attempting to spread 'the truth' and find justice following his father's death. I want the duo to be successful in helping him and for him to heal.

"Round 'ere"

Film: The lavish, gothic Baskerville Hall. The wildness and unknowableness of the foggy moors and their inhabitants. One must be careful not to put a foot wrong if they wish to avoid being sucked into "the mire."

TV: The terror of the Baskerville military base and secret scientific endeavour without ethics. The local legend, strange locals and of course, the fog. One must be careful not to put a foot wrong if they wish to avoid a literal minefield.

"Look at you and John"

Film: Most of the characters look pretty similar to me. Holmes wears his iconic cape and deerstalker, and there's a hell of a lot of tweed. The two ladies however, wear tight bodiced dresses in attractive colours; Miss Stapleton, the attractive daughter of domineering local man Mr Stapleton, seems to mirror the young lady abused by the Lord Baskerville of hound legend at the start if the film.

TV: When Sherlock and John arrive at The Cross Keys Inn* we see that the owners are a gay couple, one of which is the short fair Billy, and the other Gary, a tall chap with dark curly hair. Familiar. However, in this case it's Billy that wears stiff white shirt of a chef, has a tie around his neck, and generally seems a bit more effeminate. Gary on the other hand is comparatively burly and wears a plaid shirt. Their mirroring of John and Sherlock is emphasised when the four of them are later viewed standing in front of a pair of mirrors.* However, I would argue that they are not individual mirrors to the detective duo, but a pair reflecting another pair. John himself is seen wearing two fairly plain button-up shirts on this episode, which personally I enjoy more than his usual wardrobe.

"What? I'm cold."

Film: Watson sights Sherlock standing dramatically on a high rocky outcropping on the moors.

TV: Sherlock stands dramatically on a high rocky outcropping while John stands below trying to get the lay of the land. John later expresses impatience with Sherlock "being all mysterious with (his) cheekbones and turning (his) collar up" to look "cool."

"The fastest way"

Film: Sherlock will not allow Henry Baskerville on the moors at night under any circumstances, lest he become the victim of an attack.

TV: Sherlock demands that they take Henry onto the moors at night as soon as possible in the hope of provoking an attack.

"Thought it might be something."

Film: Someone signals to the house with a light, presumably a candle or similar.

TV: John thinks someone is using a light to create a signal in Morse Code and spells out the mysterious 'UMQRA'. However, upon further investigation, the light is actually a car headlight from people 'dogging'. Yes, we see what you did there Mr Gatiss.

"Cheers Doctor!"

Film: Dr Mortimer hires Holmes and Watson to investigate the sudden death of Lord Charles Baskerville, Henry's father. Watson works with him in order to gain useful information about the case.

TV: Sherlock prompts John to talk to Henry's therapist Dr Louise Mortimer, who has conveniently appeared in the bar of the inn; it's not specified whether she's a psychologist or psychiatrist. John really doesn't want to because Sherlock's been a total arsehole, but relents because she's very good looking.

"What about other animals? Not sheep."

Film: Whilst in London, Henry Baskerville is almost killed by a rare poisonous spider. It seems to have come out of his boot which was previously missing. Holmes later discovers that the local bishop is an expert on insects - including, suspiciously, rare spiders.

TV: Baskerville is a military base and weapons testing site on the moors. Sine of the locals believe "they" are breeding genetically modified animals there and potentially poisoning the water. It quickly becomes clear that Baskerville is used for the development of weapons and some of this involves the gene-splicing of animals.

"Uncle Bob"

Film: The local bishop Reverend (Doctor?) Frankland is an authority on insect species.

TV: Bob Frankland is a scientist working at Baskerville who recognises Sherlock, covers for him when he is revealed not to be Mycroft, and is keen to appear friendly and helpful to the pair. He was formerly a good friend of Henry's anti-Baskerville father, and hedunnit.

"Old-fashioned"

Film: Barrymore is surname of the butler at Baskerville Hall and his wife, the sister of the escaped convict. They admit to having helped the convict by providing good and clothing, communicating with him using light signals.

TV: Major Barrymore is in charge of the Baskerville site. A military and conservative traditionalist.

"I told you, he practically is the British Government."

Film: There is no involvement from the powers that be, and word of Mycroft or Lestrade.

TV: Sherlock uses Mycroft's ID to access Baskerville because his name "literally opens doors". He is inevitably caught when alerts get through to his older brother, who somehow deploys Lestrade to Devon in response. Sherlock insults Lestrade and refers to him as his "handler". Baskerville is of course a government sanctified unit that is above inspection and assumed to be doing lots of ethically questionable things.

"I hardly recognise him without the hat."

Film: People repeatedly mistake Holmes and Watson for other persons.

TV: Sherlock is instantly recognised by that one bloke that's actually the villian of the piece. Said villain later thwarts John's attempts to pump Henry's attractive therapist for information AND chat her up, by revealing his true identity and reason for being there. Please note that 'chat up' is British for 'hit on' or 'flirt with'- rest of world please take notice!

"I don't have friends. I've only got one."

Film: Holmes treats Watson with kindness and respect, and perhaps refers to him as his friend.

TV: Sherlock is horrible to John, and tells him "I don't have friends." Only later, in a significant plot point does he admit that they are in fact friends. Sherlock then secretly attempts to drug John, locks him in a dark laboratory and plays terrifying noises at him, with the consequence of making John fear for his life.

"I need some, get me some!"

Film: Holmes, Watson and probably others smoke pipes throughout. At one point, Watson reaches to get Holmes' tobacco for him and finds that it's missing. This leads to the discovery that the antique dagger locked away nearby is also missing. Frankly I'm not sure why the thief also took the tobacco. Greedy.

TV: It's 2012 and nicotine is Bad For You Actually!! We begin with Sherlock hunting the living room of 221B for his emergency fags; John has hidden them and Sherlock has paid the local retailers not to sell him any more. Sherlock orders John to go and get him more and he refuses. Ultimately John is manipulated into revealing the location of the concealed cigarettes and Sherlock declares that he nolonger needs them.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!"

Film: Holmes and Watson remain calm and brave throughout. When the beautiful local woman (and secret Baskerville heir) slips into the mire, thus drowning, they stand there doing sweet fuck all.

TV: Sherlock has a minor emotional breakdown after believing he has seen the giant hound. He admits that he has ("only one") friend, which is progress for him actually. He flails in horror when the murderer steps on a land mine, while John and Greg watch him explode happen with the impassiveness of men who have seen "far too much". I can't remember who pointed that last bit out but credit to another tumblr user!

"It was ok in there."

Film: A fresh "beef bone" is discovered in mineshaft, implying the likelihood of a dog being kept in there.

TV: The inn's freezer is revealed to contain rather a lot of meat for a vegetarian restaurant- which frankly was an ambitious business venture in that there countryside in 2012. No wonder they were struggling for trade.

"Asperger's?"**

Film: Holmes asks Watson: "Couldn't you tell I was being intentionally rude?"

TV: HAHAHAHAHA... How would anyone be able to tell? Sherlock is his standard self.

"Is that why you're calling yourself GREG?"

Film: Holmes figures out the secret identity of a local he has recently met.

TV: Sherlock reveals that he does not know the first name of a man with whom he has worked for several years and from which he has stolen countless IDs, accusing the inspector of having donned a pair of mirror shades, a tan and a pseudonym to go "incognito." NB: it was actually John that called him Greg, thus implicating himself in this imagined plot.

"I'm...."

Film: The antagonist attempts to conceal his true identity as a Baskerville heir. We find that a very large portrait has been stolen in efforts to this effect.

TV: The antagonist owns a t-shirt specifically referencing the name of the shady government project H.O.U.N.D. that he worked on and the location in which it was undertaken. We know this because he chooses to wear it whilst committing murder. Perfect, no notes!

"Stapleton! I knew I knew your name."

Film: The Stapletons are the villains of the piece. The daughter seems to be an innocent victim of her tyrannical father, but later admits to having lured both Charles and Henry out with her feminine wiles in order to murder them to gain their inheritance. The father is mauled to death by his own vicious dog, and the daughter drowns in "the mire" while running away.

TV: The ethically unbothered scientist at Baskerville comes under suspicion due to her work in the gene splicing of animals. She did not kill Henry's father, however. Instead, it was her daughters luminescent rabbit Bluebell that she has diabolically murdered. Evil. It is Dr Frankland that makes a misstep, detonating a mine while running away.

"It could be dangerous."

Film: There's a bit of wandering about on the dark moors at night: definitely perilous. In addition, when Sherlock insists on visiting a disused and unstable mine, it collapses and he is briefly thought buried or stuck. I believe Mr Stapleton also tries to stab Watson during the denouement.

TV: As John points out, trespassing on a super-secret military could probably have gotten them shot or at least mauled by that scary looking dog. There's more night-time moor wandering (more moor if you will) complete with barking noises, fog, and this time a sighting of the beast by both Henry and Sherlock. However, it is John that we later fear for when he believes he is trapped in the lab with the hellish hound. Henry meanwhile has an episode involving hallucinations in which he nearly shoots his therapist! And in the drug infested fog Sherlock Hallucinates Moriarty coming for him. Brilliant! After all, there's only one episode of the entire show with no mention of Jimmy M and it's certainly not this one!

"Cherchez le chien."

Film: Holmes reveals that the "hound" is an actual dog provoked to attack the current Baskervilles and fitted with a mask to make it appear more frightening.

TV: There are multiple "hounds" as introduced by the name of the episode and foreshadowed by the two nodding dogs on the windowsill of Seedy's cafe.* In fact, it's virtually raining dogs and dogs. There's the real dog (that to my unknowing eyes looks a lot like the Redbeard dog tbh) being walked by a woman that child Henry comes across while running away in the episode's cold open. Then the other actual canine that ran about a bit and caused the adult, drug-addled Henry to envision a mountain from its molehill. Notably the friendly gay innkeepers had tried to hide it under the surface (of the ground, in the mineshaft) and later to kill it, but just could not manage to - as is often the case with homosexuality.* The "sentimental widow" in the bar has a West Highland Terrier called Whisky. There's at least one scary looking dog being walked around on a lead at the Baskerville base. Later we are made aware of the government chemical warfare project H.O.U.N.D.. And finally, one of its participants, who wore a gas mask to murder Henry's father and was misremembered as a "giant monstrous hound" by the young, drug-addled witness. The local 'doggers' are presumed innocent.

*credit to @victorianpining for these ideas from her TJLC Explained video essay on this episode. NB: I'm still greatly amused by Rebekah's interpretation of pub name 'The Cross Keys', given that it's a very common pub name here in the UK and there's been one in my hometown for my entire life. I'm not saying it ISN'T male homosexual imagery, I'm saying I will now be forever unable to unsee it as such!

**Yes I know we don't call Autism Spectrum Disorder that anymore and don't wish to offend anyone or Nazi it up, I'm just quoting the show. And yes I know Autistic people can have good social etiquette and are often misunderstood rather than rude. But personally, I'll be rude as well if I want to, thanks.

As I said, I cannot yet make any real comparisons between the original Arthur Conan Doyle story and its adaptations, but for now I offer the following nuggets based on hearsay:

"Double Bed"

ACD: Holmes and Watson explicitly share one.

TV: One of the innkeepers, having mistaken them for another gay couple, apologises that they do not have a double bed available.

"You've been drugged."

ACD: Holmes spends much of the adventure wandering across the moor whilst high.

TV: For once, Sherlock does not know that he is high, having been drugged by gas while wandering in the fog.

I'm going to read the original for myself before consulting the wikipedia article for the BBC TV episode, but if anyone wants to indulge, the articles generally contain comparative notes at the bottom of the entries. And by excellent pop culture journo and professional nerd Joanna Robinson none the less!

[scooby-review]

The New Scooby Doo Movies Season 1 Episodes 5 - 8

5. Guess Who’s Knott Coming to Dinner

This episode follows the gang arriving at Moody Manor, hoping to ask for directions, but are instead mistaken for Moody’s Nieces and Nephews, throwing them into the mystery of where their supposed uncle has gone. 

The guest star for this episode is Homer Pipsqueak! Who is undoubtedly the best element of this episode. Don Knotts (the actual guest star) plays a series of characters in this, dressed in different disguises, however, he isn’t Don Knotts, he’s the aforementioned Homer Pipsqueak, a Sherlock parody, dressing in disguises in an attempt to solve the mystery. 

Don Knotts two appearances in The New Scooby Doo Movies landed him as an almost mascot for the series, and guest stars in the show in general, going on to appear in the game Scooby Doo! Night of 100 Frights, all the way in 2002. The actor/comedian is likely best known for his work in shows like Three’s Company and his appearance in It’s a Mad, Mad World, a three and a half hour movie that also starred Jonathan Winters. 

Throughout the episode, Homer appears in different costumes, and it’s one of the best aspects of the entire episode, and I do enjoy the fake out of him being Homer rather than Don Knotts! Alongside this, I also love the more gothic aesthetic this episode returns to, even if this series feels like a large leap away from the horror aesthetics of the original series, I do appreciate the episodes that return to these moments. 

This episode’s villain, Captain Moody’s Ghost, is probably the most interesting design we’ve seen so far. The ghost has a snowy white face, floating in his muddy tan cloak, it reminds me a lot of Ghostface actually, although the origins of the two aren’t related. The villain also appeared in the video game alongside Don which is super fun! I’ll have to check it out soon. 

Although this one is more enjoyable, it still ends up being kind of a drag, almost all of these episodes are tedious in some way, and while this one manages to be okay, holding some fun moments, but ultimately not enough to salvage the episode for me! I left most episodes without any or many notes, so these reviews will likely be on the shorter side - as is, this one is okay. 

6. A Good Medium is Rare

A Good Medium follows the gang meeting a lost dog, who they subsequently return to his owner, guest star Phyllis Diller. While at her mansion, they learn that someone is attempting to steal her jewels, staying to aid in solving the mystery. 

I actually enjoyed this one a lot! This goes the complete opposite direction to many other episodes, where this one throws so much at you, it’s almost suffocating how swiftly ideas and concepts will rise and fall, it’s truly great! 

Phyllis Diller is such a great character in this, she pairs so well with all her characters, and despite being a character who is mostly reliant on the same joke - having had a lot of husbands - it works in the context of the episode. She’s zany enough to keep my attention in a way the heavily watered down comedy acts don’t tend to be! Phyllis was a stand up comedian and actor, along a myriad of other things, defined by a striking style and appearance, she had many voice acting roles including the queen from A Bug's Life, and went on to win six awards for her work. 

I haven’t seen any of her work outside of this episode, but I found her comedy and style to work perfectly in this world. Her appearance certainly makes her such an interesting character alone, but she felt entirely herself here, or at least, entirely her character. 

The same love cannot be shared for the villains, the phantoms and gargoyle. The phantoms have fine designs, which I mean in the most basic way possible. They wear brown jackets and hats and have striking blue faces, they don’t quite clash as much as the Scarecrow’s design, but I still can’t say this looks great! Meanwhile the gargoyle is a completely fine rendition of the creature, which were placed on houses to act as gutters. They always have such interesting designs regardless, this design does nothing special with it, instead giving a kind of awkward style to the creature. 

I do enjoy the gothic mansion and discussions of ghosts and seances, it pushes the story back into the show's horror roots which I will always appreciate. It’s something I’ve found them moving away from within this series, which I think also acts as an ode to my boredom throughout! 

I really enjoyed the ending magic show. It's a great escalation of the episode and pushes it in a new and unique direction that still works and feels on form for the episode, at no point did I sit and wonder why we were here, and it genuinely got laughs out of me! I love this part, and I think the humour mixed with the characters fear of the situation make it all the better; Shaggy finds himself terrified of the tricks, and as such, he messes them up, infuriating the villain, like it’s perfect! 

I really enjoy this episode, even if a lot of my reasoning comes down to finding the guest and general storyline funny and entertaining. Not perfect by any means, but certainly a great episode! 

7. Sandy Duncan’s Jekyll and Hyde

I actually like this episode too!

We follow the gang on the set of guest star Sandy Duncan's new movie, the set of which is being torn down soon, however, someone keeps disrupting the set, causing delays. 

Sandy Duncan is an actor and comedian, best known for her roles in the Fox and the Hound, The Cat From Outer Space and the 80s MLP movie. Despite this episode's setting, she’s never acted in a horror movie before! I like Sandy Duncan as a character here, she feels like a more fleshed out Candy Mint (Never Ape an Apeman), being a real person and all, although I think it’s important to note that unless stated otherwise, all these actors play caricatures of themselves, therefore when I talk about them, I’m talking about this fictionalised version of them. 

This setting takes the Where are you episode (Never Ape an Apeman) and pushes it further, allowing us to live on this set. It’s one of the only times I enjoy the large cast of villains! Usually, the large amount feels like it’s compensating, all of them are bland and it’s difficult to keep track of, giving the episode an unfinished and confusing feeling. In contrast, I found it to aid this episode’s feeling of being a set, we see costumes used all over the place, from the titular Hyde (from the movie Sandy is starring in) to Ghosts, Lions, Dragons and Pirates. 

The main villain is Hyde, his design far closer to the 1920s silent movie than the 1931 movie, while the previous Hyde (Where are You, Nowhere to Hyde) feels closer to the more animalistic design of that movie, the green in the poster likely a direct inspiration. Thus design instead is far more human, but the differently shaped eyes is likely an ode to the design of the character in the silent movie. 

Skimming through the other characters I don't care much for, or who lack many interesting ideas, we have a Native American (similar in design to episode one of this season), the pirates, the mummy (similar to in Where are You, Scooby Doo and a Mummy Too), the ghost and Sheik. 

This leaves the lion, bear and dragon. The lion and bear are simple, they are the animals, there’s nothing too exciting beyond them being these animals. At the very least, they are character types we haven’t seen yet in the series, but even in comparison to the following episode, they are wholly uninspired. However, I do enjoy the dragon, painted in violet and mauve, the creature is operated by the villain and breathes real fire, the decision to just have a dragon here is so out there that I can’t help but love it! 

Within the episode itself, there’s some fun ideas! We see the stunt double looking the same as Daphne, therefore forcing her into the role later on, which I like as a way of assimilating the gang directly into danger and the throws of the mystery. And the setting is perfect for the gags and constant chases the episode bestows on us. 

I can see myself adoring this episode if only it were shorter, but theres at least ten minutes here that drags! However, usually, I find myself bored for at least twenty minutes so truly I was happy with this one! 

And the villain is an old silent actor, it’s such a fun motive and I love how this is integrated, we’ve come a long way from every villain being greedy! Kind of. 

Also! There’s a sequel episode in Guess Who!, which is a long way away, but something super exciting to me. 

8. The Secret of Shark Island

For context, there are five episodes in the entirety of the New Scooby Doo Movies that I placed as “good” or above on my rating scale. Three of those were in this set of four! 

The episode sees the gang meeting Cher and Sonny during their honeymoon at an island resort. However soon they learn of a shark man lurking nearby. 

As guest stars, I like Cher and Sonny! They’re characters on their honeymoon, constantly telling people who they are but asking for no attention, which they never receive anyway; it presents them as egotistical and self-centred, a great concept for one of these guest stars. They also feel pretty separate from the gang for a good chunk of this, so while I enjoyed the time we did spend with them, they never overstayed their welcome. While at times they could be kind of tedious, the episode is constantly moving, it ends up being one of the best paced in the season! Funnily enough, all my favourite episodes in this iteration of Scooby-Doo are the ones that have this faster pacing, always moving somewhere! 

Cher is best known for her music, sometimes referred to as the Goddess of Pop! With that being said, she has a lot of acting credits, starring in Moonstruck and The Witches of Eastwick. She was married to Sonny at the time, but the two got a divorce in 1975. The two formed a band for a while, but outside of music, Sonny is maybe best known for his work in politics as a member of the republican party. 

I really enjoy the monster here too, a little group of shark men. Somewhat anthropomorphised by their legs and arms, these characters feel so involved in the episode, it gives it so much more intrigue and makes me enjoy it so much more! They’re sharks, that’s mostly it, probably inspired by great whites, although their shade of grey is certainly darker. 

I was pretty shocked by the fact this came out before Jaws. During the cold war, the US military were paranoid about sharks interfering with their water based operations, with this fear seeping into the general population in the 1960s, although it still was nothing major. In fact, before this, there wasn’t too much of a widespread fear of sharks. However, after the release of Jaws, the fear and hatred of sharks blew up, they became a common target with, on average, 100 million sharks killed a year. In contrast, there’s, on average, roughly 60 shark based fatalities a year. I think the fear mongering is important to put into perspective, because sharks aren’t really a threat to people, but their presentation in the media often influences many to be afraid of them, which only leads to their rising deaths. 

Taking place before the release of Jaws gives these shark men a different perspective, which I appreciate. The anthropomorphisation for a start makes them unique and stand apart from the real animal, and generally makes for a more interesting design. I love these guys! They’re so cute and angry looking, they look so fun swimming and running around the island, they truly aid in making this episode great. Again, their more frequent appearances allows for the audience to feel their presence, this episode as a whole ends up feeling closer to a Where are You episode which is only a positive thing in my eyes! 

The island resort setting is also a nice change of pace. As much as I miss the gothic and brooding backgrounds we used to receive, I’d take the varied locations any day over drear and repeated places. I think that’s something important to give this series credit for! It nails its variety of locations. 

Glad to end on a positive note! 

Episodes Ranked:

A Good Medium is Rare

The Secret of Shark Island

Sandy Duncan's Jekyll and Hyde

Guess Who's Knott Coming to Dinner

Villains Ranked:

Shark Men

Ghost of Captain Moody

Gargoyle

Phantom

Dragon

Bear

Mr Hyde

Mummy

Pirate

Ghost

Sheik

Wolfman

Native American

Previous Review: New Scooby Doo Movies Season 1 Episodes 1- 4

Next Review: New Scooby Doo Movies Season 1 Episodes 9 - 12

[gophergamergirl]

Sherlock Holmes stuff that lives in my brain rent free

A Study In Scarlet (First book)- Watson exclaiming "What ineffable twaddle!" after reading the article that Holmes put in a magazine is just- Really funny?? I don't know why, but it's just the mental image of this man slamming a piece of paper on the table and calling it ineffable twaddle. I need to draw this scene at some point lmao

The Adventure of the Three Garridebs (One of the short stories)- "It was worth a wound; it was worth many wounds; to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation."

THIS. DAMN. QUOTE. KILLS. ME. EVERY. TIME.

It's just so sweet, considering it's from Watson's perspective and he's witnessing Holmes' softer side for one of the first and only times. And the actual wording just gets me, "It was worth a wound; it was worth many wounds; to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask." MATE. WATSON. STANDING OVATION FOR WRITING, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST SAY STUFF LIKE THAT??

Don't mind me, just going to go and sob in a corner because of my love for these silly Victorian men 😭

Granada series- I don't really know how to explain this other than just putting the picture in, so here:

Love that they're just casually holding hands and neither of them seem particularly bothered by it.

Enough said.

BBC series- "You told me once that you weren't a hero. There were times when I didn't even think you were human, but let me tell you this. You were the best man, the most human... human being that I've ever known, and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, so there. I was so alone, and I owe you so much. But please, there's just one more thing, one more thing, one more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don't be dead. Would you, just for me, stop it? Stop this."

DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?

Reason number 12 why John is my favourite character in Sherlock lol

And then in a later episode, this happens:

[Paraphrasing here]

John: I asked you to stop being dead.

Sherlock: ... I heard you.

*Screams into pillow*

RDJ films- Watson being pissed off at Holmes so often is such a departure from the norm, but also so incredibly funny when done correctly. Watson's rage, when paired with Holmes' more gremlin-like demeanor in these films, makes for some excellent comedy scenarios. Unfortunately, I cannot think of any off of the top of my head, but if I remember I'll post some of my favourite moments.

BBC series- Gazes of Completely Heterosexual Longing™:

I like that in the second image, Sherlock is just casually stood on a roof lol

A Study in Scarlet- Lestrade having such utter distain for the other detective bloke working on cases with him and Holmes, Tobias Gregson; To the point where in the chapter literally titled "Tobias Gregson shows what he can do" I remember Lestrade just being pissy the whole time lmao

A shame that Gregson didn't make it into the BBC series- While I do prefer Lestrade being generally nicer and being the only Detective Inspector, I feel that we missed out on his rivalry with this random man named Tobias lol

BBC series- Mycroft having an umbrella sword gun thing is so extravagant and unnecessary that it's just hilarious in my opinion.

Now I know what I want for my next birthday 😅

BBC series (Again, sorry)- JUST. THIS CLIP.

SHERLOCK SAYING THAT TO GREG AS IF HE'S THE ONLY ONE HE TRUSTS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS BROTHER

And Greg just being like "Yeah ok sure why not mate I've barely had a conversation with this man but I will obviously make sure he's alright, I love him very much"

Back to my corner I go, to sob once more ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[lokijiro]

I'm interested by the fact that Sebastian Wilkes needs someone to find the hole in the security of the bank, a job which would require as much discretion as brains, and he decides to contact Sherlock, the guy who used to blurt out who shagged who at breakfast table. He could have hired any private detective, but he goes to Sherlock (a non-celebrity at this point). Regardless of any other opinions he might have had about him (and there are clear signs of contempt), his off-the-charts cleverness left an impression on him. When Sherlock starts deducing him, I do believe that he smiles from genuine nostalgia.

Meanwhile, Sherlock is keen to impress him. He parades his friend John, attempts to have normal grown-up chit-chat with him, shows that he's above the advance and the incentive of a second bigger cheque. When he pleads with him, he calls him with the familiar "Seb". And he looks so wounded when Sebastian says he was a freak that everyone hated.

For all his "alone protects me" talk, Sherlock is someone who cannot stand being alone. He did not willingly isolate himself in uni; he interacted with his schoolmates at breakfast, but he produced negative reactions. I think someone like Sebastian, who was reasonably friendly with him, would have had a certain importance (even if only a minor, superficial one). After all, this is the man who says to Lestrade in ASIP that he absolutely needs an assistant on the crime scene, even though they would not offer much more than their presence.

(I think Mycroft would have been very different at the breakfast table in uni. He could say the right things and was already building a network that would later serve him in his job, but he was comfortable being alone. That doesn't mean reasonably warm relationships weren't built, but it would be unintentional. Oh, and given the "How would you know?" in ASIB, I'd say he actually did have sex.)

[wisemins]

Howdy Starshine ♡!

I wanted to take this opportunity to ask about your bbc sherlock s/i!!! Please go wild go ham tell me everything about them and your story with them and aaaa I'm just here for it ♡!!

I wanna know everything so don't hold back I'm looking forward to it and having our s/is be friends ♡

Clover @tex-treasures

CLOVERRRR <333 The can of worms you've opened, holy MOLY. You've given me the Sherlock brainrot again, and I'm CHEESIN'

This is gonna be long and convoluted with needless details!!

So a fair warning before I begin, Sherlock and I are perfectly fine and amazing now-- engaged for two years already (that is wild!! need to plan a wedding), but we have definitely had a rough past together. Lots of angst given the circumstances and rough patches in canon. It's the nature of who we were and everything I didn't know about myself at the time all coming up to a boil and his stubbornness (mine included), lack of will to actively choose to be emotionally unintelligent and to put himself in danger, and both of our insecurities combined! So buckle up!! I'm pretty touch and go with canon, there's things I blatantly ignore (like Mary, for example. I never really cared for her, and plus my gf @shinyeeveelynn is John's girl forever <333) and people I despise, (like irene adler, cannot stand this iteration of her for reasons that would take an 20 page essay to convey) and I tend to just replace it with filler cases/my own stuff that I just come up with! So forgive me if the timeline is a bit wishy washy or jumbled up a bit! So, it all began with me moving to London, finding a nice land-lady named Mrs. Hudson, and her moving me right into 221C! We both got instantly close as I lived there for a few months, found a steady job as an artist/writer and had some peace and quiet, alone. Until of course, Sherlock had found his roommate and decided to move in. I didn't bug them much at first at all, I didn't even think they knew someone lived below them! Not until Mrs. Hudson started to get worried for Sherlock and John both, mostly Sherlock since he's a bit...well, you know exactly how he is.

So she sent me to go keep an eye on them, from afar as to not meddle with things, but I tried my best. I'm not the most unnoticeable person ever, so eventually Sherlock caught on, and made it into a whole convoluted thing about it being connected somehow to the case-- he then realized where he had seen me before. Just...coming in and out of my apartment to the store, talking to Mrs. Hudson, small things he just never paid attention to enough to remember willingly until then. I just explained the simplicity of the reason, and it turned into a friendly introduction via John, and an indignant realization on Sherlock's part. They let me tag along, much to Sherlock's dismay, and after the case was said and done I took them out to eat for a little post-solving victory treat. That's when I got to know them more, and they finally got acquainted with me. I was obviously a foreigner from the US, from some dusty, hot desert state. An irish-native american who needed a fresh start and inspiration for her artistic career. Although, Sherlock did his little observational party trick on me which-- well, it wasn't correct. At least most of it was incorrect. He got the American thing right, which would've been kinda funny if he didn't-- but the rest was around the area of correctness but not actually true. This knocked John's socks off since...well he usually gets that kind of thing right! That's when Sherlock's invisible beef with me began.

This started our first dynamic of me challenging Sherlock in many ways, most of them not even intellectually speaking-- I'm gonna say this in the kindest way possible to y'all, I'm...kinda smooth brained, but I'm funny about it. At least, academically speaking. I'm very much more intuitively inclined, and the 'Tism only assists me in gaining knowledge on things I like, I'm also far more creatively inclined. I'm a 6th grade dropout, I keep this in all of my canons because it's important to how I function as a person, I'm not academically inclined unless it's something I absolutely love. I do love deductions and solving problems, but not in the same way. Sherlock is unbelievably smart in his own way, but we're the same in the way of sometimes we're just stupid for no reason 😭😭

I also am of the belief that Sherlock is without a doubt autistic as well!! like him not knowing the earth revolved around the sun, CHOOSING to not know/forget. That's some shit I would also do. He's is more intelligent than I am on different levels-- but we both didn't always know this about each other. We're both on thin ice when it comes to social cues, autism be like.

Only this caused conflict more than once. Mental disabilities 100% clash sometimes and that was just apart of our past, we didn't understand ourselves or each other and we both ended up hurting. This will come up very soon!

It was probably a year/several months into those two solving crimes together that I decided I'd put in a joint effort to advertise their services with my artistic abilities-- with every blog post that John wrote about a case, I would draw up a small comic strip to gain a sort of brand/notable yet digestible theme. It was a hit, and it was something cute I wanted to do for them. Throughout the first three parts of series one, Sherlock and I had an on and off acknowledgement of our feelings for each other. He was crude, crass, sarcastic and sometimes blatantly rude to me, but there wasn't ever a true malicious vibe to his words, it felt more-so like a defense.

His actions spoke louder than his harsh words most of the time. Protecting me if I ever got involved, taking me out to eat to explain the details of the latest case, involving me in his process for no reason that he ever wanted to explain, I was also one of few to get a true laugh out of that man. Eventually John caught onto both of us, he's *definitely* more normal than both of us, still not quite normal, but average enough. He would talk to Sherlock about it, he'd deny it, then panic at random intervals to John about how to "deal" with his unwanted feelings.

Me, Mrs. Hudson and Molly would also discuss this in our own private girl-talk time. Mrs. Hudson was all of the mindset that if I truly liked him that I should go for it, but also warned me from heartbreak simply due to Sherlock's nature. She knew he was a good man with a good heart, but sometimes even *he* didn't understand that side of himself. He paraded around acting like a cold unfeeling robot, but deep down he feels sometimes even more intensely than others. Molly agreed generally, but also encouraged me in the same length.

I felt so impossibly torn between my feelings and protecting my peace. I didn't know how Sherlock truly felt, and I didn't want to get rejected by a man who could read you to filth and into your grave. But, I ended up just pulling up my boots and going for it, subtly. I began to actually try and flirt here and there, in my own way. Making him tea, making sure he's taken care of food-wise, more joking around and genuine compliments. And I noticed a difference, he was...softer. Less jabs, including me even more, and he would even compliment me right back.

But I knew something had changed when he commented on my appearance, that hadn't really happened before. Eventually, at some point we were always with each other, and always were doing *something* together. It slipped out of him during some rant after a guy was hitting on me-- that I was his girlfriend. And after that we didn't really quite say anything more on it, but affection came about far more loosely after that.

But, then we clashed throughout series 2. It was now us misunderstanding each other, me taking things personally, him becoming jaded that I was becoming more recluse, it wasn't fun and that's when things got very turbulent. With the label came both of us being inexperienced with relationships and a lot of hurt. John *really* tried to help us out but sometimes being autistic/having adhd can take a toll on communication because of how much you want the other person to just. READ YOUR MIND. But, that's not possible so we ended up in a huge mess. Long story short, we broke up probably just before The Reichenbach Fall. Sherlock stated that it was because of the impending threats I was getting and how dangerous it was for me to even be involved, but we both agreed it "wasn't working out".

Then Sherlock being Sherlock, well, he faked his death and that caused a whole world of hell for two years! I was obviously devastated, and regretted everything thereafter. I did the whole dramatic confession of love and adoration at his tombstone, not knowing he was being a little stalker from the shadows, stuff like that.

Those two years were rough for me because I was also left in the dark with John. I never quite moved on from the incident and it changed my way of life, I had to move out of the building due to the memories, my career path changed into working a standard job because being creative was too strenuous to keep up. The media frenzy was crazy too, so I had to avoid nearly everything I was used to.

All until Sherlock decided to prance back into the game, via jump scaring John and his...choice of a mustache (soz John that was NOT the move) and eventually he also decided to ease himself back into my life by approaching me at work, and when I didn't even notice him he got a bit offended and forward until I registered that it was him under a stupid disguise. Needless to say I had to leave work early, and hear him out in front of the street.

It was very emotional, there were instant hugs, attempts at beating his ass, but most of all a lot of crying from me. Apologies were said, but most of all it was Sherlock attempting to explain everything and why he didn't tell me sooner. I was pissed but mostly at the circumstances, and I tried to suck up all the tears and all the feelings that flooded back immediately. There was some beating around the bush but eventually Sherlock had asked if I had "moved on" from him. The answer was a giant no, obviously, and he seemed relieved. He said he hated how we left it, how he treated me and that he wanted to start anew, and I was beyond happy to hear that. Cue the first I love you's and kisses here!!! Very romantic!!!

Then began where we are right now basically! We understood each other better and now knew what we meant to each other which was a huge one. There was a lot of mystery on both of our parts because we didn't know if we truly loved each other. But, thinking someone you loved had DIED is a good way to figure that out. Damn you, Sherly.

Probably continuing further into the series, we became a full fledged couple that included me moving in with Sherlock and John part-time, solving cases again, going back to my artist career and living the chaotic domestic life!!! <3

At some point within that time period after the fact, Sherlock awkwardly proposed to me in his jammies one morning, and it was the most adorable endearing thing of all time. I love him so so much and I really do need to plan that wedding! So we've been engaged for two years now, more domestic bliss, cutesy stuff!

Sorry this took SOOOOO long to answer, I really just wanted to be concise and these aren't even all the details! Just mostly the timeline/startings of how we're together now! I really appreciated you asking me about this!! I love my Sherlock canon!!!

[womanofwords]

Costume Party Rules

"For the last time, A, this isn't a costume party," B sighed, as A debuted their Sherlock Holmes costume. "We don't do costumes."

"But I do," A said, deflating.

"Well, don't do it at the party. It's considered unprofessional," B said. C walked in, saw A dressed as Sherlock Holmes and laughed hysterically.

"A, you idiot!" C laughed. A drooped as C cackled and B offered no defence. "B, please don't tell me this loser is coming to our party. That-" they jerked their head in A's direction, "-cannot be your friend that you were talking about bringing."

A bristled and blinked back tears as their eyes burned. "No, I'm not," they said. "B was . . . talking about a different friend."

"Thank goodness," C sighed, smirking as A adjusted their deerstalker hat. "I don't want dorks in costumes invading our party. I make sure it's exclusive for a reason, you know."

"I get it. I'll just go to some other party, I guess," A said, walking away. Once they were out of C's sight, A called up D and told them about the encounter.

"It was horrible," A bawled. "C was making fun of my Sherlock Holmes costume and B didn't say anything in my defence! They didn't stick up for me at all and C just smirked at me. They were talking about how they make their party exclusive for a reason and they don't want dorks in costumes invading their party."

"You poor thing," D sighed. "Where's C's party taking place?" A told them, and D grinned. "This is going to be fun."

(PAUSE)

C was happily conversing with more people when they heard wild whooping from the house on the end of the street. "What the hell is that noise?" B asked.

C peered out of the window and sneered. "Losers in costumes," C said. "Nobody important. Ignore them."

"Is that a campfire?" someone said. C looked, and they had a campfire going, with people happily roasting marshmallows over it and making s'mores. "Cool!"

"Not cool!" C snapped, making them shrink back. "Look at them, being so embarrassing in public. They're adults in costumes! Costumes look dumb on anybody, but especially adults! Why would you want anything to do with . . . that?"

People went back to partying, but then more cheering came from the party of costume-wearing people. "Dude, since when could they juggle fire?" someone asked. More people rushed to the windows to look, and there really was someone juggling fire. People oohed and aahed as the balls of flame went up and down. There was also a literal bouncy castle.

"Hey! Remember where you are!" C snapped, sweating nervously as people began to trickle out of their party and towards the more fun costume party. Eventually, they were all alone. Their party had been abandoned, and everyone had gone to the party run by the people in costumes, except for B. This was too far.

A and D were handing out more cups of gingerbread latte and hot chocolate, they heard a knock on the door. When A opened it, C was standing there, and they looked enraged.

"A, did you really have to take things this far?" C snapped. "Having your own party so you could upstage me? You've stolen everyone from my party!"

"You said you didn't want people in Halloween costumes in your party," A said. "And we didn't ask them or anything. They just came here once they had a decent costume."

"Hey, dude, get lost," D snapped, looming over A. "You're spoiling things for everyone else."

"I just don't get it. How are these-" C gestured towards the party, who were now eagerly listening in, "-losers, having a better party here than mine was?"

"You're uptight and they're not!" someone yelled, and ripples of laughter made their way outwards.

"We don't want uptight elitists invading our party. Things are just fine the way they are," D said. The door slammed in their face, and C stood there, indignant. Inside the house, people cheered.

C couldn't tell if the cheering was because they wouldn't be coming in, or because of something else.

[fancyfeathers]

The Games We Play of Dust and Ash (Yandere Moriarty the Patriot Masterlist)

James Bonde meets his darling on a mission to a high end party. He is about to excuse himself out of a conversation but as he turns to walk away his shoulder rams into a young lady. He makes sure he is alright and sits her down on the couch if she is in pain. As James is talking to her, William spots him talking to this young lady and goes to check up on things with his own darling on his arm.

“Is everything alright here?”

“Yes, I just ran into this young lady here and-“

“It’s you.”

The young lady is staring right at William’s darling with wide eyes as if she had just seen a ghost and a smile quickly comes across the face of William’s darling as she looks at the other woman. Without a word the other woman stands up and embraces her which only draws confused looks from William and James.

“You know my wife?”

“Yes! We both worked at the opera house together. Honestly after the fire when no one could find here we thought she was dead- oh my goodness everyone thought you were dead!”

William explains that her friend was a singer at the opera and while they were never very close she was very friendly to her. Apparently many of the old performers of the opera were being housed by one of their old sponsors, the person throwing the party they were in attendance at.

“Actually this is my last party before I move away, I was invited to work at the Paris Opera House… I am moving next week.”

After that party they do not see her for a few more days and she becomes a side thought. Then one day when James is on a walk and he spots her across the street and he would say hello if it was not for a women approaching her, James recognized her as Sherlock’s darling, that reporter who is snooping into the Moriarty family. She talks to the former opera singer and while James cannot make out what they are saying he can make out her expression…

Happy…

Confused…

Shocked…

Horrified…

There is a moment of silence between the two before James’ darling nods to some sort of question before Sherlock’s darling takes out a pen and her notepad before leading her into a nearby bar to talk. Of course James follows in and sits at the bar counter listening in to the woman talking.

“So you knew Mrs. Moriarty from your time at the opera house?”

“Correct, though then she was not married and we were not incredibly close I still knew her well enough where I would call us friends.”

“Do you find anything strange about her now?”

“Yes, she was so jittery last I saw her, like she saw a ghost. Then when we worked at the opera house she certainly did not have any connections to any noble, she lived in a boarding house on the other side of town not exactly you would find a fiancé of an aristocrat.”

“Was she engaged when you knew her at the opera?”

“Oh god no, she never even had it on her mind, then months later after the fire when people were quite literally thinking she had died she shows up married to that professor, that’s strange… do you really think William is… is the one behind the fire at the opera house?”

“I do… I really do.”

“Then let me know if you need a hand, I think I will be staying in London a bit longer if you need my assistance.”

“Thank you, I’ll get you in contact with my friends.”

James watches as the two ladies leave and go their separate ways before her downs the rest of his drink before going to tell William what he heard and now he has the job of keeping tabs on the former opera singer.

Her routine is pretty basic, she worked arms a vocal teacher and music teacher for young ladies and gentlemen, normally of noble blood. Then after her lessons she normally goes to a local tea shop and usually has a cup of tea alone or occasionally with that reporter or with one of her friends who are also being monitored by their organization, usually that doctor who Von Herder talks about just as much as his inventions or that cabaret singer Moran is seeing (before she goes missing as well). Then normally she returns back to the estate she is staying in of the former opera sponsor.

Then one day when she is sitting at the tea house James watches as she looks up from the book she is reading and makes dead eye contact with James and waves him over. He comes and sits down in the booth n the seat across from her.

“You have been stalking me.”

“How did you know-“

“I was an opera singer, I always know when I have an audience and I feel you understand that as well.”

“May I ask what do you mean-“

“Warsaw, two years ago, I remember those eyes and that voice, I watched your performance… so let me guess, William is having you monitor me after my meeting with that reporter?”

“Even if the answer is that true, do you think I would tell you that? Maybe I am just enchanted with you.”

“Hm, then get in line, Mr. Bonde.”

From then on James sees her glance at him every now and then, she knows exactly where he is. Now that she is getting more and more clever it is almost impossible to find any information about what they are doing, it honestly felt like James was the one being watched now, it is almost unsettling.

Then one night when James is on a mission with William, disposing of a young noble man who had been messing with university admissions. It is late at the estate and as they walk through the house they hear the sound of the piano being played from the drawing room. The two look into the room to see the noble man playing the piano, but the thing is it is not him, she was wearing the same suit they saw the man walk into the house in…

“Appearing to be someone else is not hard as long as you have the costume and the skills to act. You had Mr. Bonde so occupied on watching me that you did not even know someone was watching him.”

It’s her…

“The man you came here to kill is not here we warned him about what was going to happen, and now instead you have a witness to your break in and attempted murder, what ever will you do now? You could kill me, but then you have the scandal of a famous opera singer and I honestly doubt that would go unnoticed by Sherlock especially with that reporter tugging on his ear. Letting me go would only give you another loose end and I could tell Scotland Yard or the press about this and the identity of the Lord of Crime and his associates would be unmasked.”

“William-“

“James, you may deal with her as you see fit after all from what I understand you have grown fond of her especially with that look in your eyes.”

With William watching them and his darling staring at him with that smirk on her face. He looks over her closer, her fingers are shaking and her foot is shaking as well, things he used to get with stage fright, she is terrified, she is acting.

James raises his gun and for the briefest moment he sees her tense up and her eyes go wide.

“You are scared, aren’t you? I…I was given a choice when I bit off more than I could chew so I am going to give you a choice as well. You can come with us quietly, or I will fire.”

“I…I…”

It was easier her to speak like that before because it was like reading from a script and leaving the choice to them and hoping they would pick the ladder, but now her fate was being placed in her hands, and that felt terrifying because now she had to pick between life and death.

“I… I hated everything about the Lord of Crime when he was suspected to be the one who destroyed the opera house, and I still do, but I wanted to badly to take revenge for everything you did and thought I would do anything to achieve it… no… no one else knows I came here, we got that nobleman out but no one knew I took his place because I wanted to trying backing you into a corner, I am a fool for that… I won’t be hurt, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then I accept your offer, Mr. Bonde.”

James lowers his gun and extends his hand to to hand to help her stand up from the piano bench…

He may not have fallen for his darling yet but in his care he will find himself growing attached to her…

He falls for the little and small things…

The way she likes laying in bed for awhile in the morning because the sun feels nice…

How she hums when getting dressed…

How she stares off as she thinks with the fondest look in her eyes…

This turns into the way she lets him brush the hair out her face as she reads…

How she rests her head on his shoulder after dinner and she is getting sleepy…

The way she lets him tilt her face to let him kiss her…

The others may not have won their darling’s affection, but with mercy comes trust, and with trust comes friendship, and in friendship comes love.

They may have fallen in love together, but he fell into obsession over the little things.

[weedandweasels]

11/8/2023 A Wednesday

I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life. That's the crazy thing. This is the age I am supposed to be out and about, partying. I think I am supposed to be living.

Currently I am in a crutch, my knee having decided to swell up for no reason last week. So here I stand, wearing all black, walking Sherlock. I am probably the most liberal looking person on this campus at this moment in time. A joint in my hand, my piercings, the crutch, the platform boots and the all black outfit. A fucking ferret on the end of a leash.

I watch these functioning people plan things with friends. I am alone with the very animal who is my only constant companion. No flaking out from him.

I decide I am going to try and romanticize things. If I can type them I might finally be able to get out the words I've been trying to handwrite for years. They have felt too intimate, too sacred to me for them to be typed. That's what I told myself. So here I am on a random Wednesday night pretending my life goes beyond these four walls.

I by no means am an amazing writer. I think that's obvious in these first few paragraphs. I keep thinking of the moments that lead here. The recent PTSD flareups I've had in the last few weeks. Things I cannot seem to be completely honest with. Even with myself. I just spiral.

I romanticize the green of the forest in spring. I miss the rain on my skin. I need the cold again. I need the ice in my lungs.

Sherlock regains my attention. I let myself wander into those daydreams I have for myself. Those moments in moments that feel more and more real. I want to stay here. The beauty of the world around me, the sensations. I am alive. Its dark, and I am holding an herbal cigarette between my fingers. The smoke calms me. Just the action. I need something. If I kill myself smoking weed so be it.

I wonder when the prime of my life was. If it ever existed. If it ever will exist. I feel like my body is falling apart faster. I don't think I ever peaked. It feels like I am still dragging my body back up a hill. Never quite recovering from the last thing that drug me down.

I write letters in my head a lot. What I'd say to celebrities, my father. What I would try to get across to them. Hozier is my most often letter drafted. His music has healed and broken me in ways I will never fully understand. Every lyric a gash and a bandaid all at once.

I think I liken myself to a creature so often because I never felt human. I think the addition of body jewelry and tattoos are testament to that. Something for them to look at. Something for those who would judge to walk a little farther away from me. I enjoy the outskirts. Like a dog waiting for scraps from the fire. Is it because that's all I've known? I am ready for the men around the fire to kick me the first chance they get. To tell me to leave. Or just up and abandoning me, refusing to pay attention to me. Having to wait for the next group of people. I tire them, my cycles of usefulness wearing out. How tiring it is to restart.

I need to word vomit. Its tiring to write by hand. Blogging I think is the only reason I'd put it down. An open word document is too much. I need this. This email to someone.

Here again I crave notice. I want someone to see my words and connect. I want someone to tell me things. I am begging for recognition. A scrap. I want my words to matter to someone.

I am so tired of fighting and trying to prove myself. I am a human. I think I deserve more than this. I think I deserve worse than this. I cannot seem to decide if I want to be seen and adored, or if I should remain in the shadows. Someone unseen. I want to be alive and bold and better than this. I want to stay here in my apartment lit green with music playing and Sherlock running around. There are moments I feel I am missing out on everything. I love it. I love being here and I miss being out there.

Tomorrow I continue working on my research. I get to be smart and someone and important. These words rush out of me and I cannot stop them. I am smart, but I am feeling too. Perhaps this is too intimate to share, but I love it too. I love that someone out there can judge me. I hope they find me worth something too. I hope these words make them feel seen.

I wonder if they feel the poetry in my words like I do. If you're listening. Can you let me know?