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xomakara · 2 months

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Passion On The High Seas

(re-posting from my old account seulrinnie-rinrin/xomakara-secondary)

SUMMARY | After running away from your life as a noblewoman to become a pirate, you meet Yunho, a handsome pirate who has an equally shocking past.

PAIRING | Yunho/Reader

GENRE | Pirate!Yunho, smut with no plot, unprotected sex (wrap it up everyone!), oral, fingering, vaginal sex,

RATING | Mature

LENGTH | 4758 words

AUTHOR’S NOTE | Might make this a series or something LOL. Here’s to my first Ateez fic!

You stretched your limbs after you had finished loading cargo onto the ship earlier that day. Your hair was tied up in a messy bun so that it didn’t fall onto your face as you worked.

Your clothes were tattered, stained with dirt and grime and most likely smelled horrible due to you wearing the same clothing for days on end. But despite all that, you felt pretty damn happy at that very moment.

Happiness. Something that you hadn’t felt in a very long time.

You were the daughter of one of the peninsula’s most prestigious families that served the king. You grew up in a gilded cage with servants attending to your every whim. You went to fancy balls with nobles and royalty. You wore dresses that cost thousands of gold coins each. Every evening, you went to parties hosted by important merchants or dignitaries where you drank the finest wine and ate the most delectable foods. And yet…despite all that, you never felt happy. Not once in your life.

Until now.

You smiled to yourself as you thought about what it would be like to live life on your own terms. No rules. No laws. No royal decrees preventing you from doing what you wanted. Just you and the sea. The only one that cared whether or not you lived was you. And you loved that feeling. More than anything.

And as far as you knew, it was that feeling that had drawn you to the life of piracy.

You’ve been living life on the seas for a few years already, rising to the ranks of Captain through sheer determination and blood, sweat and tears. It wasn’t easy being an outcast among the noble classes but you never let that get you down. There was no place else you’d rather be than here: sailing around the world, exploring new lands, making friends, conquering foes and seeing sights no one had ever seen before.

The wind blew gently against your face as you looked upon the island that stood in front of you. Sails flapped lazily as the pirate ship moored itself to the shore and as you gazed out over the horizon, you could see your next destination appear in the distance: the City of Thieves. A land filled with thieving pirates and thieves where anyone could do whatever they wanted without fear of punishment or retribution. Where there were no constrictions, no boundaries, no restrictions. You couldn’t wait to get there. You grinned wickedly as you imagined running wild and free amongst its teeming streets and crowded alleyways, laughing and partying until the sun came up again.

No more dresses. No more high heels. No more boring noble gatherings. This was going to be a life of pure pleasure, no holds barred. If you weren’t having fun, then you weren’t doing it right. This was what freedom was all about!

With a chuckle, you hollered to your crew as the ship was preparing to dock. “Looks like we’re finally here!” You said excitedly. “Open up those cargoes so we can sell them off. Check in with the Quartermaster to see what jobs he has for you and once work is done, and I really mean done, then you are free to do as you please! Huzzah!”

The men cheered in excitement as they began working on the tasks that were given to them, shouting out commands to their colleagues as they continued to unload crates and barrels onto the dockside. While this was happening, however, you were busy thinking about how you were going to spend the rest of the day. What would you do? How will you spend your day? All these questions swirled around your head like the churning waters of the ocean.

Once the ship was docked, work was done and you had distributed everyone’s pay, you led your crew towards the nearest tavern. Once inside, you ordered some food and drinks and made your way to a secluded table where you watched your men frolic about. Soon enough, a buxom waitress came over and placed your order down before giving you a warm smile. You noticed a few of your fellow men giving her a wolfish grin but you paid no mind to it as she left.

You weren’t looking for female company but rather the company of men. But all the pirates you knew were old, young, drunk, had missing limbs or were not that attractive to look at, which means you wouldn’t be able to pick any of them as potential mates. And as much as you loved taking lovers, nothing quite compared to a cold, hard drink with a handsome man who knows exactly how to treat his woman right. Or maybe someone who had nice eyes and lips? You did like a man with nice features. You wondered if you’ll ever find a man like that. Maybe you won’t. Either way, you didn’t care. You didn’t need a man. Not even if you found one. You’d be fine on your own. Better than fine, in fact.

“I hear you’ve just returned home from a voyage.” Said a familiar voice.

Your ears perked up as you turned around and saw another pirate sitting at the table beside you. You immediately recognized him as one of your regular drinking buddies and a captain of his own right. “Are you keeping tabs on me, Hongjoong?” You asked, sipping your drink.

“I just got into town a few days ago. Leave me alone.” Hongjoong laughed as he ordered a bottle of rum.

“Oh come on! Aren’t you curious about my latest adventures?” You questioned, playing along.

Hongjoong let out a laugh. “If it doesn’t have pretty woman involved, then no thank you.”

You scoffed and pointed at yourself. “But I’m a pretty woman.”

“You’re a whole different story, my noble lady.” Hongjoong chuckled, finishing his drink and ordering another one. “You’re out of my reach.”

“Too bad, my friend.” You replied, sipping your drink. “Anything new happening with you these days? Got any juicy stories to tell?”

“Apart from recruiting new men?” Hongjoong teased, winking at you.

A frown formed on your lips. “What does that mean?”

“I got a few pretty boys on board.” Hongjoong said as he gestured to a few men that were engaged with talks with a few of yours. “Snagged them before you could, so I’m feeling lucky. Are you jealous?”

You shrugged. “Don’t care.”

“Why don’t you join us later tonight?” Hongjoong offered, turning towards you. “We can grab a few bottles of wine and then go somewhere quiet and intimate.”

You arched an eyebrow at him. “So now you’re interested in me?”

“Nah…you know my type.” He chuckled. “But I do know the type of guys you like. I can guarantee you won’t be disappointed. Like that one over there.”

You looked over to where he pointed and noticed a rather tall, handsome man talking to a few of your crew members. Your eyes trailed downwards to take in the sight of his well-built body and those long fingers that rested upon the wooden chair. God, what you could do with those fingers. They would feel good wrapped around your throat. But more importantly, those legs. Long and strong. Perfect for fucking.

That, and his eyes. Those beautiful dark eyes…they almost hypnotized you.

A low growl escaped your lips before you looked at your friend. “Damn you, Hongjoong. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but for once I’m glad we’re friends. I’ll join your party as long as he’s there.”

“Good girl.” He grinned before he drained his glass. He called out to the tall man. “Yunho!”

His name was Yunho. You liked that name.

Yunho approached the table and turned to Hongjoong. “Captain.”

Hongjoong clapped the tall man’s back as gestured to you. “Say hello. This is my good friend, Y/N. She’s the captain of ’The Aurora’.”

Yunho gave you a friendly nod before turning his attention to you. “Hello. Pleased to meet you.”

You nodded in return. “Likewise.”

Yunho opened his mouth to say something but was cut short when you waved to the others, signaling for everyone to join you.

All the men eagerly moved towards the table and took their places as you pulled up a chair and joined them. “Let’s get to know each other, shall we?” You suggested as you raised your glass and gave a toast. “Here’s to better opportunities, a brighter future and everlasting friendships.”

After you had finished your drink, you signaled for a waiter and ordered two bottles of wine before moving to sit next to Yunho. He immediately leaned towards you and whispered into your ear. “You’re awfully forward, aren’t you?”

“Can’t help it. You’ve caught my eye.” You whispered back. “There’s something intriguing about you. What’s your story? You seem different from all the pirates I’ve met.”

Yunho smiled as he tilted his head to the side slightly. “How so?”

“You just have a different air about you.” You stated. “Not as cocky as the others. More mysterious.”

“I could say the same about you, Captain.” Yunho let out a laugh. “It’s not everyday that I get to meet a female pirate, much less a female captain. You’re different from all the women I met. You sit differently, talk differently. It’s as if you were born into a different life than the other women.”

“I’ll tell you my story if you tell me yours.” You countered.

“Alright.” Yunho muttered, eyeing the group of men across the room. “Do you want to walk with me? We can exchange stories as we go.”

“Sounds good to me.” You agreed. “Lead the way.”

As you and Yunho headed out of the tavern, the men gave you knowing glances knowing that you wouldn’t be returning any time soon. Some smirked, wondering what the attraction was between you two while others winked. You ignored them and allowed Yunho to lead the way as you followed behind him. His movements seemed so smooth, almost as if he was dancing with the night breeze as he walked along. With each step he took, you felt like your heart skipped a beat. Just watching him made you weak in the knees.

Damn it, why am I like this? It’s not like I haven’t fucked hundreds of men already. Why do I feel so drawn to this one man?

“So what’s your story?” Yunho inquired, stopping near a tree as he looked at you.

“Tell me yours first.” You commanded, still unable to hide the obvious longing that shined through your gaze.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I was the son of a noble? One that went through a lot growing up because of the rumors about his father’s involvement in treason?” Yunho asked, giving you a sad smile. “Of how my family had been stripped of our title and exiled instead of executed for being traitors?”

“So you’re Minister Jeong’s son.” You said as you sat down by the tree.

“Do you know of my family?” Yunho asked in surprise.

You gave him a sad smile in return. “Would you believe that I was the daughter of a noble as well? Raised in a gilded cage, unable to live freely as she waits for her father to marry her off for his political gain? A noblewoman who ran away during a shopping excursion when a riot occurred?”

“So…You’re the missing daughter of Minister Yoon.” Yunho surmised, studying you carefully. “It explains why you’re different from all the other women I met.”

“Does it?” You questioned as you furrowed your brows.

“I think you understand what I’m trying to say.” Yunho said, his eyes gazing into yours. “You and I lived the life of privilege and even though it looks like we’ve adapted to the life of being a pirate, there are things that only people of nobility would understand. Things we both experienced. Things that we know about each other.”

“Yes.” You admitted. “I agree with you. In many ways, we do understand each other.”

“Then why did you run away from everything you know? Don’t you miss the life you once had?” Yunho asked as he pulled a few leaves off a branch and handed it to you. “Have you forgotten all about it?”

“I was raised to be a dutiful daughter and if I stayed, my fate would be to marry some powerful man for his wealth and political power.” You explained. “I didn’t know it at the time but I hated my life back then. I wanted to live freely. To be free. To be myself. So I ran away and never looked back.”

“And here you are now, living on your own. No one to guide you but yourself.” Yunho added. “Surely that must be lonely.”

“At times, yes. Sometimes I miss having someone to talk to.” You admitted as you watched Yunho pull a few leaves from the branch. “My crew are great men but sometimes it’s hard to talk to them about my life considering we all had different pasts. If they found out that I was a noblewoman, who’s to say that they wouldn’t look down on me or treat me differently?”

“I get it.” Yunho looked up at the night sky. “I haven’t told Captain Hongjoong my identity as well. But I’m sure he already knows. The man seems to always be able to read me like an open book.”

“He’s quite gifted in that area.” You mused as you turned to face Yunho. “He found out about my identity the first time we met. But you can count on Hongjoong to keep your secret. That’s one thing you can trust in him.”

“Now that you mention it…” Yunho stared at you intently. “Why do I feel like I can trust you?”

“Maybe it’s because you want to trust me?” You suggested with a soft chuckle.

“Perhaps.” Yunho sighed as he stood up and started walking towards you. “However, that doesn’t explain why I suddenly became attracted to you. I’ve had my fair share of lovers in my life and yet I find myself wanting to know you.”

“I feel the same. Strange, isn’t it?” You smiled at him. “Normally, I would sleep with someone and then leave the next morning without giving them any thought. Yet with you…it feels different.”

Yunho returned your smile and bent down so that he could whisper into your ear. “Me too.”

As you glanced up at his lips, you wondered how such a large man like him could make you feel so small. As his breath fanned against your skin, you could feel your heart beating faster and harder. Before you knew it, you found yourself leaning closer towards him and slowly moving your body closer towards his.

Your lips parted and he placed his finger on your lower lip, coaxing you to close the distance between you. Instinctively, you leaned forward and closed the gap between you. His tongue swirled around your bottom lip and for a moment you thought he was going to kiss you but instead he nipped lightly on your lower lip.

You pulled back slightly, your hand reaching for his. “Do you want to continue this somewhere else?”

“Wherever you wish.” Yunho answered, his voice thick with desire.

“Come on.” You grabbed his hand and tugged him in the direction of the inn. “I rented a room earlier and we don’t want to waste any time, do we?”

Without waiting for an answer, you led him inside and led him straight to the room you rented. Locking the door, you removed your jacket and tossed it onto the bed as you kicked off your shoes. When you reached for the buttons of your shirt, Yunho stopped you and helped you remove it. He tossed it on top of your jacket before placing his large hand on your naked skin.

Yunho inhaled deeply as he ran his hands up and down your torso, enjoying the smoothness of your skin beneath his fingertips. Suddenly he leaned forward and captured your lips in a searing kiss as his hands explored every inch of your upper body, gently caressing you. “Yeah, you’re definitely a noblewoman with how soft your skin is. So supple and smooth.”

As he continued kissing you, you lost yourself in the sensation of his touch. One hand reached up to grab hold of his hair, entwining your fingers within it as you held him tightly against you. He pressed himself against you as his long fingers trailed down your body, pausing briefly at the hem of your pants before gently sliding underneath it.

A shudder ran down your spine as he touched you intimately, softly brushing over the sensitive spot below your navel before tracing the outline of your sex. As you arched your back, pushing yourself further against his hand, you moaned as you realized that you were getting wetter with each passing second. A loud moan escaped your lips as he slipped his middle finger into you, exploring every nook and cranny as you grinded your hips against his hand.

You grasped at his shirt, tugging it upwards so that you could feel the warmth of his bare chest against your own. Pulling his shirt over his head, you tossed it aside and cupped his face in your hands, kissing him passionately as you moved his hand away from you.

“Too much clothes on.” You murmured as you pushed Yunho backwards onto the bed.

He let out a laugh. “I could say the same since you still have your pants on.”

“That will come off later.” You teased as you dropped to your knees and began unbuttoning his pants. “For now, you can enjoy my mouth first.”

Yunho’s hands gripped the sheets as he watched you strip him of the rest of his clothing piece by piece. Taking a deep breath, he allowed himself to get lost in the sensation of your warm breath upon his skin. Your hair brushed against his stomach, tickling him as you slowly worked your way downwards.

When you finally reached his crotch, Yunho gasped as you wrapped your fingers around his hardness. Slowly running your hand up and down his length, you smiled as he visibly shuddered under your touch.

“Just like I expected.” You whispered as you lowered your mouth and licked the tip of his cock. “Very stiff and very hot. Very big.”

Licking the underside of his cock, you continued stroking him until he was panting heavily. He bit his lip, trying to remain silent as you feasted on his cock. With each flick of your tongue, you drew tiny groans from him. Unable to control himself, he thrust forward and hit the back of your throat.

Moaning as you took his entire length into your mouth, you loved the feeling of his dick slipping in and out of your throat. Squeezing your eyes shut, you imagined him buried deep inside you. Imagining his hands caressing your skin while your breasts filled his palms. Without warning, you felt his cock swell in your mouth as he shot his cum right into your waiting mouth.

Swallowing every last drop, you pulled your mouth away and kissed his thighs before standing up. Grabbing the waistband of your pants, you quickly removed them and threw them onto the floor before sitting back down on his lap. Leaning forward, you pulled him towards you and passionately kissed him again.

Yunho took the chance to flip you on the bed and cover you with his body. Grasping the back of your neck, he gently massaged the base of your skull as he kissed you more intensely than ever. “Your turn to enjoy my mouth.”

His lips traveled down your neck, nibbling and sucking every part of your flesh as you arched your back and purred. Pushing you further down on the bed, he took your left nipple into his mouth and sucked on it gently. He flicked his tongue against it causing your body to jolt slightly.

“More.” You breathed out, needing more of him.

“If you insist.” Yunho answered as he lifted your right breast into his mouth.

The sensations coursing through your body intensified as he sucked on your nipples, gradually increasing his speed. He took turns licking and sucking each one of them, paying special attention to your left nipple. It wasn’t until he finally reached your other nipple that he paused momentarily. Gazing into your eyes, he licked his lips and gave you a sexy smirk before trailing his lips further down your body.

Inch by inch, his tongue traced your skin until he reached your belly button. Placing his hands on your legs, he spread them apart before gently grazing his lips across your sensitive skin. You cried out as you felt his teeth scrape against your skin.

Kissing the outside of your pussy, he slowly slid two fingers inside you. He heard you moan as he moved his fingers in and out of you, sliding them deeper with each thrust. The sounds of your wetness echoed in his ears as he tasted your sweetness with his tongue. When he finally reached your inner walls, he inserted another finger and began thrusting his digits in and out of you, creating a rhythm that was driving you mad.

He thrust his fingers in and out of you, pulling your clit into his mouth and gently suckling on it. As you bucked against his hand, Yunho could feel your juices flowing freely from your slit. “God, you taste good.”

Leaving his fingers inside you, he dipped his head between your legs and slowly moved his tongue along the length of your slit. He flicked his tongue against your clit, drawing small whimpers from you.

Yunho lifted his head and watched you squirm beneath him. “Can I?"

You nodded and silently prayed that he didn’t stop. Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth and engulfed your clit into his mouth, sucking on it gently as you cried out in pleasure. Every single sensation heightened tenfold as his lips made contact with your most intimate areas.

You arched your back, moaning loudly as he gently tugged on your clit. Overwhelmed by the waves of pleasure washing over you, you lost all sense of self. Nothing existed except for the feel of Yunho’s warm tongue dancing against your most intimate parts.

Suddenly he pulled away, leaving you panting for air. Looking down at you with hunger in his eyes, he sat back up on the bed. With one hand, he caressed your cheek while using the other to grasp his cock.

"Please.” You begged. “I need you inside me.”

With a look of pure lust in his eyes, Yunho positioned himself at your entrance. Pressing forward, his thick cock plunged inside of you, filling you completely.

Clenching your eyes shut, you bit your lip as he stretched you wide open. “Oh god…” You groaned as he entered you further. “It’s so big.”

Yunho placed his hands on either side of your head, locking his gaze with yours as he began pumping his cock into you. Each stroke made him go deeper into you as he enjoyed watching your reactions.

Each thrust drove him deeper inside of you, making you cry out louder with each thrust. Reaching up, you placed your hands on the sides of his face, holding him in place as you gazed into his eyes. You could see the heat radiating from them as he stared at you hungrily.

“Fuck, Yunho.” You moaned as you felt his hard dick sliding in and out of you. “You fill me up so well.”

Taking a deep breath, he placed his forehead against yours and let out a shaky sigh. His breathing was ragged as he savored the sensation of being buried deep inside you. Looking into your eyes, he knew that there would never be another person like you. Someone who understood him without saying a word. Someone who finally knew his identity and did not judge him for it. For some reason, he knew that nothing was more important to him than this moment. Nothing could ever come close to the feeling of having you wrapped around him. Nothing could possibly come close to what he felt right now.

Pulling back slightly, he stared deeply into your eyes before meeting your lips with his in a heated kiss. His lips crashed against yours as he deepened the kiss, exploring your mouth with his tongue. Pressing harder against you, he rocked his hips against yours, grinding his cock against your swollen clit. Both of you moaned loudly as he thrust faster and harder, intensifying the feeling that was building up within you.

Grinding his hips against yours even harder, he could feel his balls tightening. He let out a low growl as he slid his hands up and down your thighs, gripping your ass as he rocked into you faster and faster. You moaned into his mouth as he pumped into you harder, hitting that magical spot that sent fireworks shooting through your body.

“Oh fuck.” You whimpered as you arched your back, pressing yourself against him. “Yes, yes, yes. Cum in me, Yunho.”

Gripping your hips, he slammed his hips against yours as his cock exploded into your tight pussy. Warm cum flooded your depths, spilling over his shaft and causing both of you to cry out in pleasure. He stayed motionless within you, letting the pleasure wash over him as he slowly slid his softened cock from your body.

Unable to move or breathe, you laid there, trembling in ecstasy. The aftershocks of the orgasm were still coursing through you when he lifted his head and looked at you.

“Are you okay?” He asked you softly, his voice full of concern.

You smiled weakly. “More than okay.” You answered as you reached up and kissed him softly.

Yunho laughed quietly, kissing you once more before pulling away. Laying next to you, he stroked your hair as you snuggled against him.

“Remind me to thank Hongjoong later.” You said as you ran your fingers through his messy hair. “If he hadn’t convince me to stay and join his party, I would have missed the oppurtunity to meet you.”

Smiling, Yunho closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of you. “We would’ve found each other eventually.” He mumbled as he nuzzled your neck. “We’re pirates that are secretly nobles. How could we not find each other?”

Chuckling, you laid your head on his chest and sighed contentedly. “True.”

Yunho rested his chin on top of your head as you lay next to him. “Can I ask you something?”

You turned your head and looked at him. “Of course.”

He hesitated for a few seconds before continuing. “If somehow my family still had our title and status, would there have been a chance that we would have met? Would things have turned out differently?”

“If you were still Minister Jeong’s son and I was still Minister Yoon’s daughter, there would definitely have been a chance.” You answered honestly. “Who knows, our fathers would probably marry us off to each other.”

A slight smile appeared on Yunho’s lips. “Maybe they would have. Do you think you would have accepted an arranged marriage if it was me?”

You let out a laugh. “Maybe… if I liked you.” You teased him.

“Ah… that might be difficult then.” Yunho laughed. “Because I’m pretty sure I would have ended up trying to win your heart.”

“That’s possible.” You agreed with a nod. “But that’s just wishful thinking. The past is the past. All we can do now is make our future bright.”

“You’re right.” Yunho replied.

“I always am.” You grinned.

Yunho chuckled. “Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything.” You replied immediately.

“If one day, you or I, were to return to face what we left behind… will you return with me?”

Startled, you looked up at him, surprised by his question. Your first instinct was to answer no. After everything that had happened, you wanted to forget about the world of noblemen and their royalty. But looking into Yunho’s soft eyes and sincere expression, you knew that you couldn’t say no to him.

You grasped his hand tightly. “I promise. If we get the chance to return to that life, I’ll return with you.”

#ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez #ateez smut #ateez fic #ateez yunho #yunho #jeong yunho #yunho smut #yunho x reader

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toska-writes · 1 year

Note

helloo! i love your writing so much and i wonder would you like to write commander cody with padawan reader, it's after order 66. and as we know in bad batch s2 he's gone to AWOL right? so what if he go to other planets anywhere and meet reader again (let's pretend he already removed his chip lol) imagine how he feels guilt meeting his little padawan after trying to kill her and her master (obi-wan) and how the reader react meeting him again especially looking at her cody sun armor become gray like shadow unlike him.

(sorry if my english kinda messed up, and have a great day!! <3)

Wow, just wow

“Sunshine”

Summary: after order 66 Cody jumps at only the chance to get at least one person from his old life back- no matter the cost

Paring: Cody x GN padawan Reader (it’s platonic!)

Warning: hurt/comfort nightmares ptsd let me know if I missed anything

Word count: 1822

Notes: I’m very proud of this one and I hope you enjoy! It’s also not proofread because I need some sleep

Cody’s head hurt again.

But it wasn’t like last time, he was in control now and always will be.

“How are you feeling Kotes?” Rex came around the tables and laid a hand on Cody’s shoulder.

To be honest Cody wasn’t sure what he was feeling, if anything. Nausea sat in the pit of his stomach but he feared that it wasn’t just from the procedure he went through.

A hand reached up to the side of his head, the fresh bandage felt course under his hand- the all to familiar feeling of before.

“I’m fine.” Cody’s voice was raspy and burned his throat- Rex picked up on this and quickly went to get him a drink of water.

There he sat alone.

He was alone for a while now, but nothing like this. If you went back a few week you would see the small spark of hope illuminating in his eyes.

Cody wasn’t sure of a lot of things since the war ended but maybe it was the illusion of hope that he and Crosshair could escape together.

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

Then Cody went AWOL. Finally it seemed that he got his mind right- the headaches and the dreams that plagued him however said otherwise.

Rex walked back in. Cody’s eyes were clouded in thought as he sat unmoving on the table.

Placing a ginger hand on his knee Rex has never seen is brother in such a state. But the way he felt in this moment- finally getting his free will totally returned to him was something he would never forget.

“Hey Kotes,” Rex helped him to his feet and lend him out into the halls. “We found something you might need to take a look at.”

Cody almost instantly snapped back to attention as the pair of brothers made their way back to the ship they arrived on.

“A few radars picked up on some chatter from the bounty hunters guild.” Rex returned to the Captain Cody knows and loves, things were going back to how they use to be.

“Why would your crew have any interest in the guilds?” Cody questioned, a little slow to connect the dots. “Your fighting an empire here.”

Rex stared at him for a moment, his try at a sarcastic tone clearly flew over Rex’s head.

It was one of the only times Cody has ever seen Rex so unsure about what he was about to say. “We picked up Y/N’s location. The bounty for Jedi are unbelievably high and I’m worried if one of us doesn’t get there in time it might go sour.”

Cody froze in his seat, the end of Rex’s sentence seemed to go blurry. The moment replayed every hour of the day, awake or asleep. He memorized the moment when he watched Obi-wan fall from that terrible hight.

He remembered the look you gave him as he turned to you, your lightsaber coming up in your shaky hands staring at him.

“Cody what’s going on?”

“I- they made it?” Cody looked at Rex, the dark thought that he was playing a terrible joke on him.

Rex only nodded his confirmation. Waiting for Cody to see just want he would do.

You wouldn’t want to see him. Cody didn’t even want to see himself. The terrors he’s created would never wash off no matter how hard he scrubbed.

The armor that surrounded him all his life was striped away, just like everything he has ever known. His sunshine was stripped away as well.

Taking a shaky breath in Cody whispered. “Take me to them.”

•••

Your head hurt again.

It was just like the last time, the moment you realized nobody was on your side anymore.

The purge left you stranded by yourself, unsure of what to do you fled as far as you could.

The outer rim served its purpose for now but the empire was expanding, and the hunters became bolder with their search.

Against your better judgment you tried to reach Ahsoka, Hunter even but it was no use.

Maybe now you were by yourself. Cutoff.

You sat up straight in your makeshift bed. The sheets bawled into your fist as your chest heaved and sweet ran down your back.

You weren’t safe even in your own mind.

You watched him fall. The scream you let out as you lost him over the edge. Everyone around you went off.

Cody. Your Cody turned to you next- all around you heard the all too familiar sound of blasters raising. Cody aimed for you as you brought your weapon up, the thought of hurting any of them never crossed your mind before.

“Cody.” You had tried. “Cody what’s going on?”

The blaster that was shot at you was the moment you woke this time. Other times you weren’t as lucky to be spared with the memory.

The sky was masked with the darkness of the night, your clock told you at you barely sleep 2 hours since you tried to go to sleep.

You gathered yourself as practically dragged yourself to the only window in your “home”

This wasn’t home. Nothing would come close to what the word use to mean to you, but it was soemthing keeping you mildly safe.

The sky above never really changed, it was the only constant you found after the end of the war. The only thing you could depend on that would never harm you.

Your head buzzed again, for a split second you turned to your hidden saber, the weapon you couldn’t pick up since you arrived on this rock. The crystal within buzzed constantly in your ear, begging to be picked up once again.

It use to be a background noise that grounded you, but things have changed.

You stared into the darkness for a moment, the lightsaber wasn’t it. Turning your attention back to the outside world the familiar feeling felt crooked in your chest.

It wasn’t really right, but it was something you recognized none the less.

A cloak that you threw around yourself countless times before made its way to your shoulders- masking you from others and you left closing your door silently behind you.

For a moment you thought maybe, just maybe it was your master heat to tell you everything would be ok, to help you just as he had countless times before.

But you couldn’t think like that, like you use too. Hope burned within you as you followed the force you tried desperately to get rid of.

•••

Cody tried the comm channel he used countless times before, he could practically put it in with his eyes closed.

But of course no answer.

He did try once before- the first night he ran from the empire, alone in the back of a transport ship he tried to reach the Jedi he grew fond of.

It was one of the only instants the commanders eyes watered slightly and his nose ran.

Rex was waiting near by with the ship as he walked the streets of this planet alone. His armor was covered with a poncho Rex lent him and frankly it was the best he could do.

He hoped that you weren’t here, the disgusting streets and inhabitants made him sick. But what if this was better than see him again?

Cody shook that last thought. His hand shook slightly at his side which was a nervous habit he picked up a long time ago.

His eyes scanned the dark scenery for any sign that you might have been here, a sign Cody hoped nobody else could pick up on.

On instinct he turned down an alley to his left, this was definitely not the place to be at this time.

His eyes squinted trying to pin point a figure towards the end. This was the only time he wished for his helmet that didn’t seem his own.

Something ate at the inside of him again. His breath was sparse wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. If his mind was no longer his own.

The figure took a few steps from the shadows that engulfed them. The moon illuminated someone that haunted every minute of his life.

You held a blaster out in front of you, but this time you didn’t shake.

Cody didn’t dare take another step. His eyes were firmly planted on the ground as he kneeled down dropping his blaster in front of him.

“Cody?”

He could only nod, afraid that his voice would highlight just how vulnerable he felt in this very moment.

But he had to say something, he couldn’t leave you again.

“I’m- I’m so sorry kid.” His voice broke through his words. This uncertain feeling engulfed him like a flame showing no mercy. “Sorry, I’m sorry.”

You stared at him for a moment. Taking in the sight- clearly things were different. The sunshine was stripped from him. His eyes, though they tried to avoid you, seemed hollow.

You thought of two things in this moment.

You wanted to run, run from someone that could hurt you all over again, someone that you weren’t even sure you could trust.

You could try to hang onto one of the only things that you so desperately needed. You needed someone.

The blaster clanked to the ground as you walked to Cody. Your guard was up but the tears betrayed what you were really hoping for.

You hoped that Cody was himself again.

Cody looked up, your familiar eyes caught his own. The tears that he dried so many times fell across your cheeks, and he only wished to dry them one more time.

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say, his mind left him and he could only mutter the only words that went through his head, as if they could make everything better.

You kneeled down with him. For a second Cody thought this might be a dream of his own and this was the moment that he would loose you once again.

But you stayed.

Quickly you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him flushed against you.

Cody wasted no time crushing you into him. You cling to him as he continued to whisper small apologies into your hair.

Through the muffled sniffles you voiced. “I liked your other armor kot’ika.”

For the first time in a while Cody found himself giving an actual laugh.

He nodded as he griped you even tighter as if he was afraid that if he let go you would leave.

“I think I could use some help painting it again.” He spoke a little louder. The emotions still sounded in his voice.

It was your turn to nod into his chest. For the first time in a while You found yourself crying tears of relief that finally someone was here for you again.

This time you weren’t going to let him go again.

_____________________________________

Taglist: @arctrooper69 @thereforepizza @padawancat97

#star wars clone wars #clone wars #star wars #the clone boys #the clone wars #my writing #toska-writes #clone boys #captain rex #Cody tbb #star wars tbb #commander cody #cody tcw #commander cody x reader #jedi padawan #padawan reader #reader insert

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monosanimegenericzone · 4 days

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Hunter x Hunter: Chrollo speculation

oh shit its the earrings man himself

so i had this thought that i considered doing in my free time but then my free time evaporated and im confused where did my free time go.

anyway. i was going to make a list of all the abilities on the black whale 1 and how many of them could help in a fight against hisoka.

aka who chrollo could steal from.

(this is assuming chrollo is playing convert hands with heinrich and has gone to the upper levels)

2nd prince camilla's Cat's Name. this. this ability right now. should be chrollo's number one priority once he finds out. and camilla is an easy target. this is a one hit kill with hisoka. if he fuckin steals this ability and uses it, that is gg immediately.

9th prince Halkenburg's Possession Arrow. now you see. THAT. is a spicy meatball. if chrollo can hit the shot, that would be insane. however, depending on if being honest is a condition of using double face, then it will not work. bcs all hisoka has to do is dodge and chrollo dies. but if chrollo is fast enough he could probably hit it and it would only cost one of the remaining troupe members. itd be really fuckin funny if it was illumi though

4th prince tserreidnich's ability. we don't know what it is yet but since tserreidnich is so new to nen he could be a complete dumbass and fulfill chrollo's conditions no problem. though it would depend on how parallel future works if chrollo steals the ability in the altered future or if tserreidnich can even do anything to prevent it. or if parallel future is even his ability because there is a juicy theory out there that it's not.

AND! chrollo would only have to lie once. and that's an opportunity for a very cool scar >:3

hinrigh's Biohazard. this ability could be very useful. however, chrollo will likely never get this ability bcs hinrigh is busy at the moment u-u. that being said, having diversions in a fight against hisoka has proven to be very helpful. consider: grenade squirrels.

yokotani's Battle of Wits. if im not mistaken this is only able to be activated within a certain area of the ship. but it is supremely busted. indestructible objects that can 'remove' a target from the vicinity could be extremely strong. probably not the best against hisoka? bcs hisoka is very slippery and gummy. so if he can get hisoka into that base, it would be great for holding him in place.

those are ones i think that would be useful to chrollo in a fight. there are more in the black whale one but things like Benjamin Baton, Bloody Mary and fuckin. Body and Soul are borderline useless to him. (thats a lot of b names at once lol). Room would also be useless since it requires a set space and is a landmine type. he can't control hisoka that much.

some fun combos:

Biohazard and S&M

Battle of Wits and Indoor Fish.

Battle of Wits and Command Stamp

Cat's Name and S&M and Convert Hand (this one is tricky bcs it depends on how cat's name activates)

Battle of Wits and Possession Arrow

Convert Hands and Possession Arrow

this is a certified nen nerd post. i cant wait to see more.

this isn't covering the hunters and bodyguards bcs a) most of the op hunters are stuck in marayam's room. and b) they're all experienced nen users.

if the noob nen users start showing me hatsus i'll add them to the list.

#hxh #chrollo #nen nerd post #i enjoy nen it makes the brainworms very happy

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not-poignant · 1 year

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Wooooheeee merch!! Me is excited!!! Food for thought, maybe you could start a kickstarter campaign or something to cover publishing costs? I know they have a publishing category 🤔 I don't exactly know their policies so it's best to check further but I've definitely seen erotica books/art campaigns on there. Might be a good idea?

Hi anon,

I think this is a cool idea if you're a) American and b) can get to a post office, lol.

The thing is, I can't do anything that would involve me fulfilling orders from my house.

Firstly, there's simply too many books to cover (Game Theory would have to be broken down into 4 volumes, with the possibility of a 2-part release later on). I don't want to run complicated and stressful Kickstarter campaigns every 6 months forever. (Not to mention, frankly, that most Kickstarter campaigns fail to earn the amount they need, and I'm still figuring out how to make minimum wage via Patreon).

I do not have the spoons to think about dealing with the shipment costs (let alone the fact that I can't drive or catch public transport and therefore get to post offices) of extremely heavy, chunky books. But what I do know is that a lot of readers will be extremely put off by shipping costs easily in excess of $50-100 alone - not including the books or the tax on the books. Australia has one of the highest tax rates for books in the world, we have some of the must punitive shipping charges (some of your favourite Australian artists use drop shippers and this is why), etc. I used to ship small original pieces of art internationally, about half the size of a piece of paper, and extremely light-weight, and the *starting price* for shipping was around $30 USD. For heaver books it shoots up immediately.

For this reason, I actually have zero confidence in how this is actually going to work out without using a drop-shipper and distributor like IngramSpark. Mosk Kickstarters don't fulfill out of Australia wherever possible. And I have no intention of paying thousands of dollars to put books in my tiny cottage, only to realise I've shafted myself and all my international readers (which is...nearly all of you) by forcing everyone to pay an extra 10% GST on the book itself along with the extortionate postage prices for what will be, honestly, heavy books (postage is calculated by weight). Not to mention that I then can't get to a post office, and am completely dependent on other people to help me with that! And then on top of that, I don't believe many books will actually sell, so I'd prefer to use third party vendors wherever possible so I can be not miserable about it. When people can always read the ebooks for free, the only folks who are going to dish out money for paperbacks/hardbacks are going to be the really hardcore fans (I do not have a ton of these, though I love every one of them), or folks who hate ebooks.

Even if I had money at my disposal, I could never use a system like this (Kickstarter / paying for the mass printing of books), and almost no Australian author would, tbh.

On the other hand, aside from the book cover fees, I could technically list a book today on IngramSpark and my only fee would be the ISBNs.

And that's way less stressful than a Kickstarter. ;) And if I get booted for my content, that's just gonna be how it is. It possibly leaves Lulu as an option, but I'd prefer not to go that route mostly because it dumps more of the cost on you folks, and it also eats more profit margins for me.

The biggest issue is and has always been tbh the editing and the fact that chunks of Game Theory need to either be completely rewritten, or removed (the spanking chapter is incredibly OOC), and working out the covers because if the story has to be broken into multiple volumes, continuity in design is vital.

#asks and answers #pia on publishing #i cannot overstate just how punitive shipping costs are in australia when sending internationally #this has been the reason i haven't offered merch for over 7 years via Patreon #and if i do offer merch again it will have to be once every 6 months #and that will be for *extremely light-weight goods*#there's so many things people in the northern hemisphere are privileged to be able to do #especially folks in the USA #which is that you can generally access fast shipping #and generally affordable shipping #did you know in january of last year i couldn't get anything shipped to me from the US #for under $150 #it's better now x.x #but not by much

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real-life-senshi · 1 year

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Thank you @hikamaus for the tag! I'm answering this as a way to get myself back onto making blog content for this blog!

The Rules: Tag (9) people you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the following:

Four Ships:

Reinako (Hino Rei x Aino Minako from Sailor Moon franchise, but specifically in live action PGSM): Please feel free to visit my blog to fully understand the scope of my love for this ship. Words alone within a post is not enough! lol I think Reinako as a ship isn't necessarily considered officially canon, though the original manga's Stars arc suggest them favourited by Takeuchi Naoko to be together. Frankly it kinda came out of nowhere until the Rei and Minako's Girl School Battle side story, and then they are like glued together in the last arc of the manga, so it's a suggested slow burn? The live action is a whole different beast, these two were thrown into each other's lives like a tornado. Their story beautifully complex and messily dramatic for a supposed kids-oriented sentai-like serie. These two had me at a choke hold and my heart and soul was theirs ever since.

Swan Queen (Emma Swan x Regina Mills, Once Upon A Time): The ship I suffered heart aches from the most. The Savior and redeemed Evil Queen co-parenting a son, their character history and dynamic was filled with so much artful subtext and plot parallels, it was such a waste they didn't end up together. They had so much potential, but screw heteronormativity in consumed media. Literally they would have become the canon main pairing of the series had one of them been a man. *deep breath and heavy sigh*

Royai (Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist): " I want you to protect my back. Do you understand? To entrust my back to you means that you can shoot me from behind anytime. If I step off of the path, shoot and kill me with those hands. You are qualified to do that. Will you follow me?" from Roy to Riza pre-main story "Don't go where I can't follow." from Riza to Roy at the end of their series. They have so many other iconic moments together, but these two quotes will stay with me forever as the most romantic thing I've ever read. They are basically canon in a way where these two are confirmed to be at each other's side for eternity but their shared goals meant they'll likely never act on their feelings overtly. It's all about the subtext and knowing the shared layered history, and more importantly, the sins they wish to atone for, striving to make the word better.

Bumbleby (Blake Belladonna x Yang Xiao Long from RWBY): After 8 volumes and 6 chapters with the most amazing slow burn story done well in mainstream media, these two officially became canon very recently. But at what cost? (jfc the developments of V9C7 and V9C8 was soul-shattering) But seriously though, Blake and Yang's chemistry was made clear from the very start. There's even significance to their character design - eye colours that mirrors each other's aura colour - the colour of one's soul! Like the signs were there even before the series STARTED. Then the darker, heavier elements of the story revealed itself starting the end of Volume 3, and we see both Yang and Blake making personal sacrifices for the sake of each other, without understanding the devastating impact of their different act of self-sacrifice had on each other. Both had personal challenges and barrier to overcome before they could commit themselves to each other. And boy, oh boy, how they bounced back stronger and more beautiful than ever! "She's not protecting me, and I'm not protecting her. We're protecting each other!"

(Y'all all my ships are blonde x dark haired lol)

Last Song: Worthy sang by Casey Lee Williams, even if it's only the preview. I can't wait for the full song to be out. Yeah I'm still in the honeymoon phase of V9C6, trying to ignore C7 and C8.

Currently Reading: I've not really been reading anything, just trying to lose myself in video games. I'm slowly chipping away edits on Echoes of Time, so I guess I'm reading when I'm also writing?

Last Movie: I've not watched a movie in so long, I honestly have no clue. lol

Craving: I'm eagerly waiting Legend of Zela Tears of the Kingdom's release! I'm also wanting to get back to making gifs, illustration and liveblogging for the blog, but it's been tough. :(

Tagging: absolutely no pressure doing this. I'm just tagging coz it's the rule, though I certainly don't mind getting to know people better! I would love to get to know the folks who I consistently see supporting my work across the years but I don't think I've really chatted much with. Even though I don't always reply or react, I love seeing your names pop up in my activity! :) @myucornerorg @sailorscooby @sirazaroff @izazizan @koroktorok @luna-whiskerskers @papillon82fluttersby @zaruba-needslove @primasylph @fiftyen3 I wanted to tag you but I think you have tagging disabled? :(

#tagged #khmyh replies #me #tag game

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kemimariesworld · 2 years

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12th house profection year journal entry #5! DO IT WHEN YOU FEEL IT

i always find it intriguing how many ppl say i’m very open but majority of people have no idea what’s going on in my life lol. 2022 was hell on wheels, expedited shipping. so for all of 2022, i was in a year of loss and it was easily one of the hardest things i’ve been through. knowing it was a year of loss and then preceding to see everything crumble was like 🤣😩😱😦. i didn’t understand why until december. last month everything began to make sense and all i have to say is that anything built on foundation that is unstable with poor motivations will always crumble eventually. whether it’s tomorrow or in 10 years. the life i thought i wanted was one built upon a foundation of others standards, desires for me and my own unhealed motivations. i thought i needed to operate in a way that would provide me with the material “stability” i so desperately thought i needed to be internally stable. but there came a moment in 2021, where i felt so deeply called towards things i really love: creativity, travel, exploration, and never settling. i’ve always wanted to be a nomad but when i felt that calling, i buried it to do the norm and continue pursuing more. it just always felt like there was more. like i needed to grind towards more. i graduated. i had a home. i made a ton of money. i was fully ready to stay exactly where the fuck i was KNOWING i have heart calling dreams! i literally used to have moments where i’d be like “damn, i wish i could just travel freely. i can’t bc i have a lease and don’t want to waste $.” self betrayal out of fear & complacency. grinding due to feelings of inadequacy & lack. settling down at 22. so many ppl settle down & stop exploring. that’s what i did. but i’m a sagittarius 29° 9th house. my journey is to explore unconventionally. the loss from 2022 set me up for this year. for being 23. i was PRAYING for an out and in august 2022, i got an email from my landlord saying i gotta go in like a week. i don’t have to do or pay anything. I WAS OVER THE FUCKING MOON. 😫😭 it was hectic but a whole chance to start over the way EYE wanted to! it’s been 5 months of this digital nomad life & i’ve learned so much. i wish i would’ve done it earlier when i felt it.

I had stability that I didn't want to trade for my joy and freedom, because I didn't want to suffer or struggle in the eyes of society. I was so worried about it all dissolving and I was trying to hold on, but I let go of it all from income streams to my home. Thats something people don't know nor understand. Cause why would you let go of some of your income streams? I couldn't do anything my heart wasn't in. It's that simple for me. It's inauthentic and for someone who reached where I am off of my authenticity, I couldn't do it. So I had to let it go until that passion came back and that cost a lot. It's slowly coming back clearly cause here I am, but bitch I was STRESSED in this state of "I don't know what I want to do with my life!!!!"

Stability is held to the highest regard, but I can honestly say: stability without inner joy and fulfillment isn't stability at all. It's a slow, trickling out of your life force which slowly corrodes your spirit and denies you access to internal stability. The digital nomad life has taught me to redefine what "stable" means to me. What makes me feel safe, secure, sturdy, and fixed?

What makes me feel secure is having options, being able to have a beautiful, comfortable space that I can leave when I want to. Feeling secure is having choices, being free, being allowed to travel. Feeling secure is having the same morning routine anywhere I go. Feeling secure is having my family around. Feeling secure is paying off my debts because I don't have extra bills. I've lived a life of responsibility and the less I have to do, think about, pay, etc, the better. I value the simple life more than I do anything complex and materialistic. You can put me in a beautiful cabin in the jungle and I will be content. I don't need much but a vibe and safety. There are things that ground me as we move from place to place and explore it all. The things that matter stay the same while the material changes.

I'm happy that I decided to pursue what I desire, truly. I have about 8 more months to really figure out if this is what I want to do long term. I have that time to get various things in place to make a decision, but even then, this digital nomad stuff has taught me that things can be changed. Change is okay. For something with heavy 8th house, scorpio and pluto energy... this life is helping me learn to accept change, loss and sudden shifts. I think I needed this life more than I wanted it. For healing purposes. I lost and let go of so much during 22, just to be able to explore during this 12th house year.. which is indeed ruled by Jupiter for me.

#digital nomad #travel #astrology

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vicioux · 2 years

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ELRIEL FIC RECS

i found this ship through all those headcanons by @propshophannah way back in the ACOMAF days lol and got officially hooked after reading @lady-therion's 'at second sight' - the writing, characterization, TENSION oh man i re-read it every year it's THAT good. anyway, since i can't draw or write like all you wonderful people out there pls accept this as my humble contribution to elriel month 🙈 here are some of my fav elriel fanfics that i've read through the years - hope y'all enjoy and happy reading! p.s you can find the rest of my fic rec lists here.

oneshots

CARDINAL CATASTROPHE by mango Elain reaches out to Azriel after that dreaded Solstice night and they once again meet under the moonlight in the River House - but everything is different now.

TOTEMS OF COMFORT by mango The inner-circle just had an evening meal following the events of ACOSF and Azriel and Elain are nowhere to be found. What Feyre and Cassian stumble across pulls more heartstrings than expected.

EYE OF THE STORM by loverloverlover It's been two weeks since solstice, two weeks since Rhys ordered Azriel to stay away from Elain. He doesn't listen.

IN SECRET by charnelhouse Az goes. No questions. No second-thoughts.

BRAVE ENOUGH TO TELL YOU by thewraithsofmorhogg She’d come to the conclusion that some blasted pot wasn’t going to tell her who was her One and Only; Elain would decide for herself.

MAIDEN OF THE GARDEN by bajablessed Elain never knew that a mating bond could be so wonderful.

A POWERFUL COST by radientwings Elain's visions slowly start killing her, but Azriel isn't about to let that happen.

FOR A TASTE OF YOU (I WILL DO ANYTHING) by keeparecordofthewreckage Another year, another Starfall - it's been weeks upon weeks of awkward avoidance between Azriel and Elain since the night of Winter Solstice. Will they find it within themselves to admit their true feelings?

CALL OUT MY NAME by myownremedy On their way to the northern most Illyrian war-camp, Azriel and Elain get caught in a freak snowstorm and are forced to find shelter.

BLOOM by swishandflickwit Elain receives a gift from Azriel who, perhaps, is given one in return.

EVERYTHING WORTH LIVING FOR by hannahetesta

multichapter

AT SECOND SIGHT by lady_therion Elain accidentally turns Azriel into a dragon 🐉🐉🐉

SECRET SESSIONS by tswaney17 Elain is already doing a bunch of training on the side - and tracking down Bryaxis would be part of that - when she's caught by someone.

THE SHADOWS THAT SING by danydragons21 With the help of her sisters, two half-wraiths, a mortal queen with a heart of fire, a High Lord's son, and a dark, tortured spymaster, Elain is well on her way to achieving all she desires. But darkness is stirring, and danger is looming. Will Elain be enough to stop the greatest threat she and her friends have yet faced?

A COURT OF DUSK AND SHADOWS by bajablessed The Cauldron never bothered to give explanations - not when it mattered. Do what it wanted, and her heart would be free. Not yet, pretty, lovely thing, it crooned, and a scream built in her throat. Not yet -

GOODNIGHT, BELOVED series by moonlight_rain Elain discovers why Azriel has been avoiding her.

YOUR VOICE IN AUTUMN by thefangirlofhp In which Elain Archeron is voiceless but she makes people hear her loud and clear.

SHADOWS AND SORROW by katsum1 Almost a year after the events in ACOSF, Elain tries to figure out how she fits into the Night Court, wanting to find a purpose. When more of her gifts are uncovered, she jumps at the chance of serving the court in new ways. Meanwhile Azriel continues to wonder how he can feel so drawn to a female who belongs to another.

A COURT OF RESILIENCE AND IRON by gunrunner While feelings of inadequacy always threaten to drag her down, Elain must also deal with the burdensome reality of being the only known Seer in Prythian. Throw in an unwanted mating bond, and the unrequited feelings for one extremely handsome Illyrian, and Elain has a full plate of problems.

VISIONS OF YOU by miss_belivet Lucien’s voice was quiet, broken, as he whispered to Elain, “You’re my mate.” Nesta whirled on him, furious, but it was Azriel whose agonized groan rent the air. Every word he ground out through his gritted teeth was raw. “She’s my wife.”

A COURT OF FATE AND FORESIGHT by airelemental Elain always felt it; like the looming weight of an arrow about to strike her heart. Impressions of the cauldron's talons lived all over her, manifesting themselves into a permanent noose around her neck.

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL (TO END UP WITH YOU) by miss_belivet In another world, Elain serves Azriel at Solstice dinner, a bond between them snaps, and they are sent into the mating frenzy as chaos ensues around them.

A NECKLACE OF ROSES by helloyesimkate Reminiscent of Aelin being taken by Maeve (Azriel is mostly "oh shit oh no Elain's been taken fuck shit hell no shit" but Elain actually gets some stuff done.)

ENCHANTED by julesherondalex Elain has always known there’s more to her feelings towards Az than just friendly affection. When Azriel and Elain are sent to Adriata on a diplomatic mission, could this finally be the chance for close friends to become even closer?

TENDER JAR by feathery_malignancy When Elain has a vision concerning both Lucien and Graysen, she steels her courage and braves first the Spring Court and then the Mortal World, Azriel at her side. Lines are drawn and Elain must decide whether she will let her past shatter her or give in to the desires of her tender heart.

SHADOWS AND DREAMS by diggingtherabbithole Decades later, Elain and Lucien both accept each other as second choices, with Vassa once again being confined to the lake and Azriel never leaving his shadows.

OF SCARS AND ROSES series by ymaoh Elain Archeron has a vision and her relationship with the spymaster takes a turn.

A SURPRISE BUN by tswaney17 Elain has a secret, one that even the male she's been seeing doesn't know about yet. But when Cassian shows up unannounced at the townhouse, everything comes crumbling down around her.

ALL THIS TIME by i_will_always_find_you Elain decides to reject her mating bond to Lucien, only to find that what she had been looking for was in front of her all along.

FUNDAMENTALS IN CARING FOR HOUSE PLANTS by insulindsay Elain is a novice house-sitter and Azriel has an abundance of house plants in need.

EVERY ROSE by rowenaschuyler Elain explores her sexuality and finds herself while navigating the tricky mating bond she isn't willing to break with Lucien.

PRETTY LITTLE ANGEL by dottielovegood One thing leads to another, and Elain finds herself at a BDSM club. At a BDSM club with Azriel. At a BDSM club that Azriel owns.

PERFECTLY ALIGNED by rhysanoodle Elain Archeron is struggling to adjust to her new life as a High Fae. Luckily for her, she's about to become friends with a mysterious male and through him discover untapped powers and healing.

modern au

LOVE LETTERS by thefangirlofhp “And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.” – Kiersten White

ALL OF ME by julesherondalex Elain and Azriel spend Valentine's Day together watching Elain's favorite movie series - about certain handsome, winged Fae. They start the night as friends, but Cupid might have other plans.

SHADOWSINGER by dottielovegood Azriel does audio porn. Elain is a big fan.

I DO BAD THINGS WITH YOU by tswaney17 It's been ten years since they've seen or spoken to each other. But when the bank that Elain worked at part-time to pay for medical school is robbed at gunpoint, she's surprised when the criminals seem to recognize her and retreat in fear. When a threat arises, Elain and Azriel have to figure out a way to co-exist again while not letting their history or feelings get in the way.

NAVY SUITS & CHELSEA BOOTS by feathery_malignancy On the eve of Rhys and Feyre's wedding, Azriel decides to swallow his pride and finally make his move with Elain. However, if he wants her attention, he's going to have to win it from her douchebag boyfriend, Graysen.

SWEET TEMPTATION by eherondale01 After the fall of her father's jewelery empire, Elain Archeron left the world of social events and galas behind her. Working in a small bakery, Elain's life has become rather ordinary, right up until a certain mysterious, handsome stranger appears.

SHOW YOU HOW SADNESS CAN TURN INTO HAPPINESS by moonbeam007 For now, she learns that he is tall and that a scowl is set upon his face as though it were drawn with a permanent marker. His hands are warm when he takes her smaller one in his to shake it.

GINGERSNAP by thewraithsofmorhoggs Sitting before him is a fluffy, orange tabby cat, eyeing him with glowing, greenish eyes. Oh no. Elain owns a cat.

RECESSIONAL by ultadverb Elain Archeron has always wanted to travel. She's finally headed off to study abroad for a year after getting her heart broken by her ex-boyfriend, Grayson. Azriel has been pining after her for years. Cassian thinks it's past time to tell her how he feels before she's gone.

anything and everything by these authors

RADIENTWINGS LADY_THERION JULESHERONDALEX FAWNANDSHADOWS NIKETHESTATUE MISSKITKA RHYSANOODLE PROPSHOPHANNAH CITIZENOFVELARIS ROSEHALLSHADOWSINGER @THELADYOFDEATH & @SNELBZ

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natewriteslol · 3 years

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Hey! Could i request the dorm leaders with an esper MC? Kinda like Mob psycho or Saiki k :) and maybe they don't really use this ability of theirs that much since in their world they're literally a teen who's trying to live a normal life(like Mob basically), so nobody knew about their psychic powers except Grim since the mirror said that he couldnt sense any magic in them(i'm pretty sure that psychic powers don't really count as magic but idk lol).

Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna write it! :)

A/N: Ooh this was a fun one! I haven't watched Mob Psycho (I know about that fine ass blonde man-) but I have watched Saiki k and I loved it, still need to finish it tho jlafljhdas

Characters: Kalim Al-Asim, Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Vil Schoenheit, Azul Ashengrotto, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

P.S: I’m so sorry this is so long omg but I guess this is a strong comeback-

Warnings: none except for language

Riddle:

-You wanted to stay as far away as possible from him

-Riddle was part of the trio of people you wanted to stay away from: Riddle, Vil, and Azul

-Riddle paid so much attention to fine details that if something was up, he'd definitely notice it

-But unfortunately you were best friends with the two goobers of Heartslabyul: Ace and Deuce

-And Riddle had started to pay attention to you and your habits, and something was off with you

-It's almost as though you tried too hard to be normal, like Jamil

-And he could never let something like that happen again, so yes he was watching you

-One day you accidently slipped up and was irresponsible with your powers

-Grim was bothering you since he got into a deal with Azul for tuna and they were standing outside with the twins, since Grim lost

-You told him to fend for himself and teleported, however you didn’t plan where you would go

-And you teleported into the Heartslabyul dorm

-What sucks is that your teleportation power was literally flashy with a bright ass green light every time you popped in somewhere

-Just when you thought you were lucky since the whole dorm was uninhabited...except for Riddle who watched the whole thing

-He was completely shocked, he didn’t know what to say other than “What did you just do?!”

-You explained to him, and that just pieced everything together

-How you solved overblots with such ease, and that one day you had a “strength potion to test for Azul” was such bs!

-Riddle ends up keeping your secret, since he values your privacy but if you do something major and mess up then he will tell!

-”I understand but please be more careful with your powers. I need to institute discipline and you are no exception, Y/N.”

-He really does care about you and doesn’t want you to be found out

-Goes the extra mile to cover for you often, and in exchange you help him out with things :)

Leona:

-He didn't really care about you at first but as you started to hang Jack and Ruggie, Leona started to get more suspicious

-Your scent had proven that you had some trace of magic, but Leona just couldn't put his finger on it

-So he sent Ruggie after you for a couple of days

-If you were a threat to Savanaclaw, Leona would crush you

-But Ruggie had only reported back that everything with you was perfectly normal

-"Just give it up Leona, they're just an ordinary human. The scent is probably weird because they're from a completely different world."

-But Leona still had that feeling, so he was keeping an eye on you

-You had made a deal with Crowley to keep your powers secret to solve problems on campus (it did cut repair costs and handymen costs in half so-)

-Your new quest was to rid the forest of the Angolo fungus that was manifesting into living fungus blobs

-The one thing that gave you away was Grim, as you both had to stop by the Greenhouse to read some info about the fungus

-The cat beast was being far too loud, not understanding why he had to go and mess around with the icky fungus

-You simply replied “It’ll be quick, I’ll just use Hydrokinesis and dry out the fungus since they’re mainly filled with water. They become fertilizer once dried so we can just leave them there.”

-And there Leona was, ears perked up once he heard your voice

-Hydrokinesis? What are you talking about?

-So he set off, following you to the forest

-You started to fly, turning the once green and lively fungus to brown dust while Grim napped against a tree

-Leona for the first time in the while, was left speechless

-Once you noticed him, you realized you had to talk to him

-Confronting him later on, luckily Leona didn’t spill to anyone

-He promised to never tell anyone about what he saw, and had no clapbacks for what you had to say

- Leona doesn’t even benefit from this secret...besides mayyybee one day asking for your help if his pride lets him

-By the Great Seven why does everything have to not be in his favor-

Azul:

-Another one who you have got to be careful around, since he’s incredibly observant

-More observant than Riddle

-Azul noticed that you’re an incredibly average person, and were incredibly relaxed even during the most stressful situations

-And almost every single time whenever you were in a tight spot, it works in your favor

-Just how is that possible? Solving overblots left and right? Every single time you disappeared the infestation of magical beasts are gone?

-One day, you were getting picked on by a three guys, their stature far above yours and incredibly strong. How could you possibly win?

-Just as he was about to scoop in a save you, you slammed one of the men into the concrete, taking on the other two by electrocuting them, the blue lightning buzzing in your palms

-They were completely knocked out, dusting off your palms and picking up your things only to face Azul’s eyes

-After giving an explanation of what that was, he was still speechless

-Azul at first was incredibly shocked and then since Azul is Azul... later on realized this had benefits

-He could just blackmail you to be his new bodyguard!

-Oh how he always manages to bend life to his will-!

-So you could just wipe his memory... or turn him into stone...nvm

-You’re now Azul’s arch nemesis since you end up saving people from his scamming and you’re basically untouchable and there’s nothing he can do about it

-But he does find your great strength admirable (and a lil hot, I mean what can u say seeing someone floating in the air with electricity flowing through them is a nice look okay Nate shut up)

Kalim:

-Oh Kalim my beloved

-He just thinks that you’re incredibly talented and a little mysterious

-You have your little quirks and he has his! Who is he to judge?

-Until one day you wanted to make the load lighter on Jamil, since the berries that Kalim had requested for were only in season in one country

-You decided to just teleport and then come back with the berries so Kalim wouldn’t be pouty

-You were outside the door ready to teleport when last minute you felt a hand on your shoulder

- “Oh Y/N you forgot-!”

-And there both you and Kalim were, in a berry field thousands of miles away from the Scarabia dorm

-Kalim screams, falling to the lush green of the field

-What happened?! Where are we?! How did you do that?!

-You quickly gathered all the berries at light speed, making sure that you got back before Jamil realized that you were gone

-Kalim wasn’t scared of you, rather impressed that you were able to keep a secret for that long, he could never!

-You’re already super cool, and on top of this you have otherwordly powers!

- “It must’ve been stressful living your life like this! But don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret!”

-Yes he sometimes asks you to perform some of your powers for him, sorry Y/N-

Vil:

-While you were his friend, he was incredibly suspicious of you

-Even though you wiped everyone’s memory, he still had the faint memory of when he was in overblot mode of you blasting him with a beam of light

-Vil was incredibly upset as one of his assistants had mixed up his items, and left one of his vital skincare items on the set of where they were filming a new commercial

-It was being shipped and would take 3 days to reach NRC

-His mood was horrible and you had to do something about it to give grace to the Pomefiore dorm

-So you went to the second story of the Pomefiore dorm, ready to use Apport (the power to pull anything before you)

-However, Vil felt incredibly guilty

-He was acting like a child and he shouldn’t have taken it out on the people who he loves and values

- “Y/N, how I was acting was incredibly inappropriate and- is that my moisturizer? How did you get it?”

-Starts freaking out as this was impossible as it was on it’s way from being shipped from another country

-This was the last straw for him ther was no justification for this that wasn't done by some form of magic

-He takes you to his room to make you sit down and give him an explanation for this

-Once you finished, Vil understood but was still freaked out

-He cares alot about keeping your powers a secret and will cover for you

-"So my aport powers need to exchange something of equal value so... I exchanged it with that Scucci purse over there-

-"MY LIMITED EDITION SCUCCI PURSE?!"

-He loves you, but you're dead to him, Y/N dear

Idia:

-Before he knew you, he didn't really notice anything off with you

-A little quiet sure but he minded his own business, he had bigger things to focus on

-Until you hung around Ignihyde more often for a project, fixing a huge generator by yourself for one of your partners for a project

-They took a break only after you told them that they could and apprehensive went to go get food and water

-Anyone with eyes could see that there's an overbearing amount of energy flowing through the fairly large sized cube

-Wait, you were wearing no gloves, you could get electrocuted! Why would have your bare hands on something like that?!

-Just as he was able to yell, it was too late, your whole body was flowing with the bright blue energy... and then you let go

-You were walking completely fine, you went and held a random wire on the ground, placing the electricity inside

-The static from your hair was gone, and you looked completely normal. . .

-Just what the hell are you?

-He did hours of research trying to figure you out, even sending Ortho to monitor you

-Yet there was nothing, you were just a “regular teen”

-Was ready to get S.T.Y.X.S on your ass- (is that too soon to joke abt my bad overblot boys-)

-Until one day he caught you again bending electricity to your will

-Is incredibly impressed with your power (lowkey wanting to experiment on you)

-After he realizes that you can read minds Idia is so damn frightened

- “O-Okay I promise not to say anything, just don’t tell anyone what I’m thinking a-alright?!”

Malleus:

-You were one of the only people who he trusted

-Malleus had always detected some form of magical aura that was otherworldly from you and it never seemed to fade

-And it wasn’t often, but it was almost like you knew what he was thinking

-Whenever he was deeply upset he felt a twinge of energy from you, and then you would insist and help him out with his problems

-And he flat out says “Are you reading my mind, Y/N?”

-You had never been directly outed like this before, you felt horrible

-You never read people’s minds unless it was very necessary

-whenever Malleus felt deeply gloomy you felt like it was important to just read his mind and help him with the problem

-You explained it to him and apologized, but he wasn’t upset

-In fact, he was smiling?

- “It seems like we have alot of things that we’re hiding from each other. But... you always had the best intentions whenever you used your abilities”

-He let out a sigh and reluctantly admitted, “And, I know that I’m quite stubborn with revealing my feelings.”

- “I will keep your secret as long as you keep mine, Child of Man,” the dragon fae said, you both shaking on it

- “I always had a feeling that you were special, but I never thought it would be something of this caliber...”

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skunkes · 2 years

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sorry if you’ve answered this before but can i ask what ur process is for making stickers? i would love to make my own but i never understood how ppl make them independently outside of using sites like redbubble where they print/ship the stickers for you ^^; do you order batches through stickermule or a similar site? or is there a way to produce them at home?

Yes! There is a way to produce em at home but I feel i dont make enough stickers that wld sell really really well to justify the cost, + i do not have insider knowledge on that part as i do not make them myself, sorry ^_^

Up to now i have used 3 separate places for stickers, ill probably add limks when im on web.

Read more is bc i am going into depth on the sites ive used and my experience + how you navigate em, bc i know i always like a lot of info on ths sort of stuff, feel free to ask more questions if you'd like to know anything else ^_^

V/ograce:

✨ Vo/grace is the cheapest of all options I'll be listing, and the trade off is it'll take about a month or longer for them to produce the sticker + for it to arrive to you.

✨ They have lots of options other sites dont (sparkle star and heart holo patterns i love so munch!) but they dont have a matte option iirc. Still good and varied! Ive enjoyed the quality + recently they've improved the...color printing?

✨ You upload files on the item page (its best to label em by Amount You Want + Size to make it easier for them (like CowboySticker_50pc_2inches)) + they later email you with a digital proof of how the outlines are and you can ask them to change it then, otherwiae minimal contact (if the proof is good you just say "yes its good to go!")

✨ Only thing here is sometimes proofs can be confusing (i ordered a sticker meant to be holo on 2 areas. They ended up not being holo at all, and i could not tell from the proofs lol like there was no indicator that theyd end up not holo :( ), and then it's hard to get things fixed if youre on a deadline (like ppl who make stickers for cons) bc itd take another month for the fixed ones to get to you

I use vo/grace when i rlly want a sparkle star or heart holo design, or lots of designs that fit within the materials they have ^_^ they also only have like a 10 sticker minimum order quantity (MOQ) i believe?? So you have to order 50 stickers at minimum but you can make them be 5 different designs of 10 iirc

Stic/kerapp:

🌷 Stick/erapp has the best/my favorite sticker UI out of the sites Ive used, you upload your file and theres an editor where you can decide how big you want the border of your sticker, what color, you can adjust how big you want em to be, + other things, so you don't have to wait for a digital proof

🌷 I've had good experiences w them and the cost is good but I havent used em in a while, and last i heard they are getting a lot of attention rn due to increased popularity, which has led to them getting some orders wrong, which is ok, but I've also seen people say customer support for this has not been great recently, so I am...not completely advocating against em but I'm avoiding em for the moment until things mybe calm down? But thats bc im not a risk taker urnshfksjf

🌷 I rlly do hope things are resolved soon bc they also have some special sticker materials that other sites dont have that id love to experiment with, but its not like. A NEED ^_^

Cant remember the MOQ here but i think its also 50. I think the base MOQ for sticker sites is 50

Stick/erninja:

🌈 Sti/ckerninja is a small local business in portland iirc. I used them for my most recent sticker (be my cowboy) bc I wanted it to be matte and Vog/race doesnt have matte sticker yet! I like their UI and the way they have options and materials set up. You upload your file (all these sites specify which they accept btw ^_^) and it gives you a little mini thumbnail on what it'll look like. This is good bc I actually had some file issues and I was able to see the file i uploaded messed up the colors! So i was able to fix it before purchasing.

🌈 They give you an estimated shipping time + some time later you'll get an email with digital proof and dimensions, if there are issues you can contact them and if not you just approve on a little menu in your account ^_^ iirc they also give discounts for specific designs and are vocal about supporting things like blm which is epic to me ^_^ my experience with them was quite nice + I think prices are similar to stick/erapp.

✨ Again I'm not a big risk taker and my stuff always flops so I usually stick to vogr/ace for the cost bc I have the time/dont do cons or anything w a deadline ^_^ mybe you cld start there if you wanna start out without investing a lot of money!

🌈 I rlly rlly liked matte sticker feeling so until vo/grace adds that I'm doing that much on stick/erninja! But i use both of these interchangeably atm!

🌷 I wld check each of em out for materials to see which you like too bc they all have their own special ones i think. I think stick/erapp has a lot of options ppl enjoy, but no sparkle holo like vo/grace. Sticke/rninja has blacklight florescent sticker options! Etc

I havent tried other sites as theyre usually more expensive hdhskfjskd ^_^ but yeag!

#long post -#skunk mail #anonymous

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ladydaemon · 3 years

Note

ayooooo can i get some jealous nikolai please!!!! like seeing you talking to someone else and getting all angry only to admit he really wants ur attention ! pls and thank u <3333

A/N: This is set in Siege and Storm (i think lol it's been awhile) so spoilers for that. Also, this is technically Sturmhond x reader but we aren't going to talk about that. This is probably not what you wanted and honestly it's so short I hate it, sorry in advance.

Summary: One of the Darkling's Grisha flirts with you, only for a pissed privateer to intervene.

Warnings: swearing, um insecure nikolai but not really, also beware i haven't read rule of wolves yet sooo

"Herring is fucking delicious."

"We can't be friends anymore."

"Bold of you to assume we were friends in the first place."

"Honestly, fuck you, Tamar," Y/N huffed, scowling at the woman. First, there was the Darkling demanding passage back to Ravka with his prisoners and prissy Grisha, and now her best friend telling her she liked the one food she despised?

Betrayal of the worst kind.

Y/N turned back to the deck of the ship, watching with a sort of disgusted curiosity at the newcomers on their ship. They're like parrots, she thought. Brightly colored, virtually useless, and they don't stop talking.

The Grisha were doing nothing - walking around, trying to look important and above everyone else, and pestering the crew with questions like, when are we getting there? why is it taking so long? wait, there isn't a hairdresser on board?

"Oh, look at him. What, did he have a rebellious phase as a teenager and didn't grow out of it?" Tamar's voice brought her out of her thoughts, pulling them towards the Darkling. Y/N had to admit, Tamar was right - he was staring pensively out at the ocean, black cape billowing around him, and he generally looked very much like he was brooding.

"An hour of deck-swabbing says the girl down there is his ex," she snorted, swinging her legs over the edge of the boat. It was one of those days where the seas were calm and the breeze was light, and only a couple people were needed to keep the boat moving. Y/N and Tamar were enjoying the free time while it lasted.

"If you think I'm making that bet you are out of your mind. I agree completely."

Y/N hummed, enjoying the sea breeze for a bit before a small cough made her look up to see a broad-shouldered man in a blue kefta with red embroidery standing beside her. "May I sit with you ladies?"

It was clear he wasn't asking, and Tamar and Y/N exchanged an amused glance. "Sure."

The man settled gracefully next to Y/N, kefta pleated like a schoolgirl's around him. Y/N stifled a giggle. It was silent for a beat before she and Tamar resumed their argument, bickering and laughing.

The Grisha put his hand on her thigh.

Both Y/N and Tamar froze for half a second. Tamar raised an eyebrow, a silent question, but Y/N shook her head, ever so slightly. She wanted to just how long the poor man would last.

Y/N turned to face the Grisha, a honeyed smile on her face. "Yes?"

He was obviously pleased that she had recognized him, and took it as his chance to speak, though his hand never left her thigh. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. My name is Aaron."

"Y/N."

Aaron began to strike up some odd conversation that she barely payed attention to, grinning in a way that he probably thought was flirtatious. He was utterly oblivious to the rest of the crew noticing and snickering, placing bets on when Nikolai would intervene.

A cold, tight voice interrupted Aaron midsentence. "I suggest you take your hand off of my commander's thigh before I cut it off. We wouldn't want any mini Y/Ns running around now, would we?"

"A truly terrifying thought," Tamar agreed.

Y/N looked up to see one Nikolai Lantsov glaring at Aaron, who looked up at him in surprise.

Well, it wasn't really Nikolai Lantsov - this version of him was red-haired and green-eyed, with a weirdly-shaped face and a gaudy teal peacoat covering an equally gaudy yellow tunic. This was Sturmhond, privateer and sailor, not Nikolai, prince and royal.

It really came to no surprise that Aaron decided that he was of a higher status and that she was his for the taking. He stood up, chest-to-chest with Nikolai. "And why should I, thief?"

"Privateer, actually," Nikolai corrected smoothly, and if you hadn't known him, you wouldn't have seen the barely leashed anger, the fury in his eyes. "And because you spoiled brats don't know how to sail a paper boat, let alone a ship such as this. Good luck getting back to Ravka without my crew's help."

Aaron bristled, but Nikolai had the upper hand in the squabble, and everyone knew it. The Inferni scowled and walked away as Nikolai sat down next to the woman in question. To anyone else, he looked casual and in control, but his eyes were narrowed and his fists were slightly clenched and his breathing was far heavier than it should be.

Y/N sighed.

"Well, come on then," she grunted, pulling herself up and offering a hand to him. "Let's go to your room so you can all that teenage boy angst out."

He huffed, stuck his tongue out, but took her hand (not letting go, a fact noticed by Aaron, who whitened in understanding) and followed her belowdecks to his spacious office-slash-bedroom.

"Now, how about you let out all your-" Y/N began, starting to turn around – and stopping halfway there because she was being hugged from behind by one teddy-bear of a man.

"Pay attention to me, please," he whined softly, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

She stifled a giggle, reaching over her head to pat his hair. "Your coat is gaudy, your hair is too red, and your face looks like a donkey's ass."

Nikolai huffed a breath, the warm air tickling her skin. "If you insist on being stubborn-"

"I'm not finished-"

"Please?" His voice was almost childlike, almost shy, and Y/N found herself willing to indulge him. "Tell me about Novyi Zem again."

Ah. Honestly, it was a surprise that she hadn't expected it.

Y/N had grown up in Novyi Zem - she was the daughter of two farmers, and had grown up in the fields. Nikolai, being royal, was utterly fascinated by. He wanted to know how the plows worked (and how he could make them better), how the crops were rotated (so he could improve the rotation), how much money a farmhand costed (so he could determine if they were overpaid or underpaid), how much money went into the pastures and barns.

But most of all, he wanted to hear about her. Her childhood friends, how she had spent her days. He would listen for hours, just soaking in tiny details that seemed irrelevant to her, and commit them to memory. He knew that she had had a dog name Foxie, she rode with an English saddle, that she had named one of the cows Milky, that she hated working in the garden but loved plowing the fields, and that her childhood crush's name was Maurin.

"What do you want me to tell you, sobachka?" Nikolai huffed slightly at the nickname. With the Darkling on their ship and the Grisha onboard, it wasn't safe to say his real name, even in the safe quarters belowdecks, so Y/N had gotten around to calling him his nickname. It felt more him than 'Sturmhond', and it was common enough name that nobody would question it.

Somehow, Nikolai had managed to maneuver them both to the one windowed seat in the room, her sitting comfortably between his legs, back resting on his chest. She had barely noticed. "Anything. Everything."

And she told him. Talked and talked until the sun began to set and their legs had fallen asleep. And he listened, following each word, each syllable with rapt attention, mouth quirking upwards when he saw the glint in her eye until she went quiet, her voice used and spent from talking so much so she just rested her head on his chest and he held and at that moment, Prince Nikolai Lantsov of Ravka knew that he would do absolutely anything to get her attention.

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #grishaverse #nikolai lantsov x y/n #shadow and bone #king of scars #rule of wolves #dae answers

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undercat-overdog · 2 years

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So that conversation between Gandalf and Celebrimbor in ‘Bones’ is one of my favorite scenes in the story - I remember being amused at Gandalf’s clear surprise that Sauron had asked Celebrimbor to marry him. Did Gandalf believe up to that point that there was no way that S’s feelings for C had been real and that it had just been a deception? And I think you said that G was something of a romantic (maybe in a previous ask?) What does he think of S having had genuine feelings for C?

Thank you very much!

Yeah, Gandalf thought that Sauron - the Deceiver - was faking it, or at least not approaching Celebrimbor's level of attachment and feeling. But marriage (and the consequent soulbond) is very extreme for one of the Ainur; it’s similar to the initial choice to enter Arda, and just as the Ainur took on a certain level of incarnateness in doing that, marrying a creature of Arda brings an additional level of incarnateness. In my mind the only previous Maia/Incarnate romantic relationship was Melian/Thingol. And that marriage did come at great cost for Melian: bound to her body (though that was probably from conceiving Luthien, it may have been from the marriage itself) and then unable to continue her life as it was after Thingol died: she herself dies to the world? Sauron knows all that and, being Sauron, considers the latter in particular a great weakness. And for him to be willing to risk being bound to a form and unable to shapeshift (which S both has a talent for and uses for his plans) as well as, idk, give his enemies a kill-button (killing Celebrimbor would defeat Sauron, more or less. Though Sauron’s reaction to that would be different to Melian’s!)

So in proposing, Sauron is showing that he’s willing to become closer to being incarnate and take on the weaknesses of that: he’s not gaining anything in that - except the actual marriage part; why would he thus propose for any other reason than that he actually loves Celebrimbor and wants to be with him forever? Gandalf, who understands Sauron quite well, knows that and thus realizes that Sauron was entirely sincere. (Incidentally, Sauron in the present timeline is also very struck by his past self’s desire for the same reason.) Plus Gandalf understands the significance on an Ainu level, being the same species as Sauron. So Gandalf goes pretty instantly from “Celebrimbor’s feelings are real but Sauron was faking it” to “oh shit, Sauron was in love too.” Which then caused his tentative plans for how he would meddle to shift.

(He was always going to meddle of course lol. Possibly he was originally planning to go to Avathar himself if he confirmed that Sauron was actually back. Which wouldn’t have gone well, not least because S and C would mostly ignore him in favor of fight-flirting with each other and he would get miffed.)

I totally think Gandalf is totally a closet romantic! He seems the type to me. Some of his interior is a bit gooey and he's very much the meddler, so I could absolutely see him doing a bit of matchmaking in his travels. He's probably officiated a number of weddings (Belladonna and Bungo’s maybe?)

For him and silvergifting... so it’s not like anyone but Sauron and Celebrimbor are in favor of it. And there’s a number of reasons why Gandalf tacitly blesses Celebrimbor’s choice to find Sauron, many of which they explicitly talk about (and which I’ve talked about before), and most of them are not because Gandalf engages in some reluctant shipping (most of them are because Gandalf is the anti-Mandos). (Note that up until about chapter 6, Bones could easily have had a non-romantic ending in which Celebrimbor makes peace with what happened, genuinely puts it behind him, and gone on to live a Sauron-free (if slightly less happy) life.)

But yeah, a little love conquers all? Gandalf might have a bit of a weakness for that.

(That said, will love conquer all? I give away part of the ending in A Long-Expected Climax (very E-rated! and also I’m very proud of the fic lol), but despite the happiness there, there will be consequences and they won’t spend forever doing fun experiments and having excellent sex. I didn’t realize it when I was writing the dialogue between Celebrían and Celebrimbor in the first chapter, but let’s just say that Celebrían’s mention of Arwen might be applicable and that Celebrimbor will come to understand her Choice far better than he does now.)

#ask #anonymous #shall these bones live #(you have no idea how much i appreciate these asks - *thank you*)#(both for the engagement and being invited to ramble about something i've put a lot of heart into)#meta #gandalf

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beccanoodles · 4 years

Text

Spike and Faye Pairing Analysis

March 2021

Ah the hit or miss pairing of the century! If you don’t love it, you probably hate it lol. I’m a very analytical person so I love analyzing works of art and overall enjoy deep discussions about them too. I have SO much to say when it comes to Cowboy Bebop (and oh I plan to), but I have decided to start with my very own OTP. Here, I am not really going to discuss Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other, but rather why I think people are drawn to this pairing and why I think they're totally valid. Get ready for a long read!😁

⚠️SPOILER WARNING!!! [Major Cowboy Bebop and the movie Out of the Past spoilers]⚠️

First off, let’s clear something up. I am confident most of us can agree that Spike was in love with Julia. Some people assume Spike and Faye fans are deranged and disregard Spike and Julia’s romantic relationship to try and make something of Spike and Faye that never was. While some people may have their various theories and opinions on this, generally, I don’t think anyone denies Spike’s love for Julia. As we will see, this pairing is not really driven by who loves who...let’s first look on the surface.

I don’t know your experiences with the series, but in mine, every time I show this to people it never fails for someone to say something along the lines of,

“Wait, they don’t end up together?”

“Why didn’t he kiss her!?”

“He should have stayed with her...”

and so fourth.

Naturally, this pairing catches many eyes.

Think about it, you are given two really cool, really hot and really deep characters that are really fun to see together! There are so many parallels between the two and they are arguably the strongest characters of the bunch. Granted, you can agree with this and still not ship them, but these aspects are part of what opens up the door for many fans of the pairing.

However, there is certainly more to this pairing than them simply looking good together right? As the years pass and I’ve now seen the show multiple times, my understanding of it has evolved in many areas, Spike and Faye included.

Spike and Faye really couldn’t have ended up together. Sure, it’s a nice thought, but It would have been an entirely different show if they had. I don’t feel that the show should have happened any other way and I don’t think many other fans would either.

So, what am I saying here?

What’s the point of this paring if I don’t think they should have ended up together?

It is what's so frustrating about them, yet keeps you coming back and what honestly validates this pairing in my opinion. Spike and Faye are not driven by what is, but rather, what could be.

I personally feel the themes of classic film Noir are not discussed enough when it comes to Cowboy Bebop! This is one of the show's major influences, especially when it comes to the plot and characters.

One of the common tropes of a film noir is that of a protagonist who is drawn back into his past and ultimate doom, usually by the “seduction” of a femme fatale. In these movies, the women are either a femme fatale [devious, dangerous, mysterious, greedy, troubled, or unreliable] or a woman of virtue [reliable, dutiful, trustworthy, conventional and loving].

I am going to use the 1947 classic, Out of the Past to make my comparisons from here on out.

In Out of the Past, Jeff is a former detective who gets caught up in a love triangle between a gangster and his girlfriend Kathie, sound familiar? He attempts to run away with her, but is betrayed and runs off to start a new life in a new town. Here, he meets Ann and falls in love with her, but of course, his past catches up to him and he is drawn back into the world of criminals (largely by Kathie’s involvement). This ultimately results in his and Kathie’s deaths and Ann’s heartbreak.

Even though Kathie is the femme fatale in this movie, I found myself comparing her more to Julia’s role in the show, than to Faye’s and I found that Faye actually fit best in Ann’s role (this is a bit unusual considering Faye is typically seen as the femme fatale of this show).

Does that mean I think Julia was as ill intentioned as Kathie or that Spike fell in love with Faye? Well, not exactly, let’s look at it a bit further.

“The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can’t leave alone...Like an angel from the underworld or a devil from paradise.”

Most of what we get about Julia is from Spike’s point of view. From this, we learn she is at the center of Vicious and Spike’s conflict, but aside from that she is basically depicted as “The Virtuous Woman” of a noir. The colors around her are warm and she is shown caring for Spike. There is an innocence and modestly about her as well.

Yet, when we finally do meet Julia, we get a different image. We know she is tied up with dangerous men, but is she herself a dangerous woman?

She is certainly capable of betrayal.

Suddenly she is a bad-ass-gun-toting woman in leather and black, surrounded by hues of grey and dark blue. Intentional or not, Julia is a major part of what lures Spike back into the past and ultimately to his death. In this case, Julia is the femme fatale of Spike’s story and thus, their relationship is doomed from the start.

Faye, on the other hand, is portrayed in somewhat of a contrast. When we first meet her, she is the clear cut femme fatale, appearing cunning, strong willed and seductive. However, we soon find that she has quite a bit of kindness and naivety hidden behind her facade. She uses the former tactics as a way of emotional (and probably physical) protection. Gren points this out in his conversation with her.

Gren,

“You’re just afraid they’d abandon you so you abandoned them. You distanced yourself from the whole thing.”

As the show progresses, we start to see less of her “femme fatale nature” and something more genuine. Think about it, between Hard Luck Woman and RFB Part 2 we don’t see much of Faye as her typical conniving or unreliable self, aside from changing the course of the Bebop maybe. Sure she takes off, but it isn’t at all for the same reasons she did in Jupiter Jazz or Speak Like a Child, for example.

I would argue we actually see her more trustworthy and caring than ever. Since I don’t want to spend too much time talking about Faye’s character development (not here at least) I’ll give one example of this.

When she returns to the Bebop after her encounter with Julia in RFB Part 1, she gives Spike the message, even though the outcome might hurt her (i.e. he leaves and/or dies). While she does first say “It’s gonna cost you,” she doesn’t really mean it because she tells him without hesitation only moments later.

This isn’t to say Faye good, Julia bad. Both women have their layers and even though we know way more about Faye, I don’t get the impression that Julia is selfish and cunning like Kathie was. But I do get the feeling she was enclosed in a world of crime and betrayal the way Kathie was. We really only know the basics of Spike and Julia’s situation. Who knows the details like motive or how long it lasted etc. etc. We can only speculate...

There is a scene towards the end of Out Of The Past, where Kathie tells Jeff to go away with her. This time it is her asking him, just like Julia asks Spike. During this she mentions,

“I never told you I was anything but what I am, you just wanted to imagine I was. That’s why I left you.”

This got me thinking...did Spike imagine Julia as something she wasn’t? Or something he wanted her to be that she just couldn’t be?

It could explain why we get such contrasted images of her.

There are themes of this “dreamlike” relationship between Jeff and Kathie, similar to Spike and Julia’s “It was all a dream.”

The two of them were going to “live and be free,” probably something neither of them knew how to do and most likely wouldn’t have been able to get away with.

When Jet asks Spike if he can just forget the past, this is his answer.

Spike,

“There was a woman. For the first time in my life I saw a woman that was truly alive. At least that’s what I thought. She was the part of me I had lost, that part that was missing, that I had been longing for.”

I always wondered about this, because Spike is clearly talking about Julia, but right after is when Faye shows up. To me, that spoke volumes...

Faye is a woman who is terribly human and terribly alive.

Going back to Faye and Ann, I find their similarities shine not so much in the “Virtuous Woman,” concept, but rather in Ann’s dedication to Jeff and her optimism for the future. She is also the last person to talk to Jeff before he leaves for the final time, as if he were being presented with one last alternative. Spike spends his last moments with Faye as well, in which she basically begs him not to go and keep him in the present that she has now discovered for herself. She may be stuck, but she is definitely someone that yearns for human connection, love, and life.

The problem is, Spike and Faye are both set in opposite directions. Her’s leads to a future and Spike knows this because he points it out early on (My Funny Valentine). He also knows, his most likely does not. He has already dug himself too deep into this hole, if you will, that there is really no turning back.

But let’s say none of that was an issue? What could be?

I sat and watched this movie (Out of the Past) with my mom. She didn’t know anything about it and didn’t know why I was watching it. I wanted her genuine reaction. The whole time she was getting mad at Jeff until the very end. I asked her why and she said that she wanted him to be able to live happily with Ann. I explained to her why he had to do what he did. She understood this, but still couldn’t help but be sad at how things turned out for him, when they could have been good.

Even though Kathie and Jeff are the “lovers,” of this movie, you don’t really want them to end up together. Forget that Kathie has a devious nature, regardless, you know where it has to end and you don’t want to see your hero die.

Like Kathie, Julia symbolizes Spike’s inevitable doom and Like Ann, Faye symbolizes his possible future.

“I’ll be with you till the end”

“You’re the one still tied to the past Spike!”

“Why do you have to go? Where are you going? What are you gonna do, just throw your life away like it was nothing?!”

It’s two sides of a sad coin...

We want Spike to have a future and because we love the characters of the show, it would be really great if he could have it with them, but that is where the tragedy is. It's only an idea we can think about, a possibility presented to us as it was to Jeff and Spike before their deaths.

The bottom line is, when it comes to Spike and Faye you are really only given a taste. You are not given what you expect to see, which is why I say this ship is driven by what could be. As it is with most of the character relationships in the show, no major breakthroughs are made until the very end, when it's too late. Then it just feels like such wasted potential, but sometimes in life, that's how it is. And thus, we have been given a very classic noir here ladies and gentlemen!

So no, I don’t think people miss the mark when they ship Spike and Faye, nor do I find they invalidate the show by any means. I kind of like that Watanabe switched it up and didn’t do the expected, but left us those subtle hints. He didn’t outright give Spike another lover, but he gave us someone that represents what he could have. Kind of does that with the crew as a whole too!

UGH. I love-hate this show and I love this pairing! Thank you for reading my thoughts and I know this may not be the case or reasoning for everyone, but just based on what I have seen around the community and where this show draws inspiration, this is what I have concluded. I didn’t get into Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other because it gets a little more theoretical there, but I would like to do a post on my thoughts on that as well sometime. I also didn’t touch too much on Spike’s reasoning for choosing to face Vicious in the end, just because I know that will only lead into a whole other analysis lol. But you know I have my thoughts on that and certainly plan to share them 😎 Also, I know I basically spoiled it, but Out of the Past is such a great movie!! I think if you’re a fan of this show it's definitely worth a watch! There are so many more parallels to Cowboy Bebop that I didn’t even mention. Anyways, thanks again and talk to you soon!

#Cowboy Bebop #Spike and Faye #spike x faye #analysis #cowboy bebop analysis #pairing analysis #pairing #my ship #out of the past #film noir #did i mention #I LOVE THIS SHOW #YES i've been working on this for two weeks like i was writing a midterm essay for school #DON'T JUDGE ME 🤓😂#OOTP is really good watch it #last scene gives me chills😨#spaye #faye x spike #faye and spike

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hopefulobjectmiracle · 3 years

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A quick analysis of the puppy scene in 3x15, because my OTP is perfect.

This is honestly just a whole lot of gushing and flailing, tbh. Because Kurt and Blaine and their relationship are wonderful and I love them so, so much. So much so that I can write paragraphs on a scene that is barely one minute long.

This somehow ended up being much longer than I intended, oops. Hope you enjoy it :)

We start off this scene with Blaine alone at his locker, presumably putting away his belongings from his last class, and you can still see Kurt’s ‘Gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay’ class council election poster on the inside of Blaine’s locker, even months after Kurt lost the election. But Blaine still keeps it up, because he loves Kurt, and if he had it his way, Kurt would win everything. Awww. He appears to be deep in thought, and when Kurt hides behind Blaine’s locker, speaking in the world’s most adorably terrible British accent, it startles Blaine for a second.

And man, does that make me sad. This is a kid that has been bullied, undoubtedly shoved into lockers and pushed here and there just like Kurt was. He hears an unfamiliar voice and immediately flinches back in fear, expecting the worst.

But it isn’t the worst - it’s the best. Because it’s Kurt, the person Blaine loves more than anything, hiding behind the locker, and it’s Kurt speaking in that cute-ass accent holding a stuffed puppy in front of his face.

(Side note - I once read that Chris Colfer improvised the dialogue and accent of this scene, as well as coming up with the name for the puppy, which totally checks out since Chris is a huge Anglophile.)

And as soon as Blaine recognizes his boyfriend, his face breaks out into the sunniest smile, and he does his signature “Kurt-made-me-laugh” move, the blushy head-duck (see here for reference).

Kurt also looks similarly delighted to see Blaine, because Blaine is lovely and Kurt loves him so, so much, and because he’s also excited to show Blaine the gift he got him and help Blaine out with his problems. Kurt really loves Blaine, y’all. He looks so damn proud of the stuffed animal he got for him and equally proud of his own ability to make Blaine laugh with his clever puns.

Kurt goes on to explain that Finn won the stuffed puppy while out at the amusement park for Senior Skip Day, along with thirteen others for Rachel, and as soon as he says this, Blaine nods along as if to say - oh, of course, that Rachel - because Blaine is considerate as hell and knows his friends very well. And in honest-to-god Kurt fashion, bb stole the puppy from his brother, because Kurt is the definition of Be Gay, Do Crime, and he also recognizes that Rachel does not need 14 different stuffed animals.

He pouts a little right then, telling Blaine that he wanted to give it to him so that Blaine would have something, since Kurt wasn’t able to convince Blaine to go with them on the field trip. I wonder how that conversation went.

Also, pouty Kurt is fucking adorable. Protect him at all costs.

Blaine is melancholy again, telling Kurt that he would have just brought the mood down for the group. And when Blaine says this? Kurt stops beating around the bush and gets straight to the point.

Sweetly stroking the stuffed puppy, Kurt tells Blaine that he understands him. That he gets that family problems are hard, because they’re hard for him too. He uses himself as an example to try and get his point across to Blaine more effectively, and mentions that he and Finn disagree on nearly everything, but at the end of the day, they love one another and are always there for one another despite their differences.

I’m also getting so many brotherly Furt feelings from Kurt referring to Finn as “the big lug” and talking about how much he loves him. Ugh. I also cry at the line where Kurt tells Blaine that he only has one brother and shouldn’t give up on that, given what happens to Finn. I wish we’d gotten more of that relationship in canon before Cory’s untimely passing, because they clearly had so much love for one another, both on-screen and off.

Anyway, Kurt sees the love he has with his brother and wants Blaine to be able to experience the same thing, because he loves Blaine so, so much and he thinks that Blaine deserves everything great in this world. He also brings back the cute-ass accent, and upon seeing Blaine look upset, bumps Margaret Thatcher Dog against Blaine’s cheek to get him to smile again - which Blaine absolutely does; his face is bright and sunny again because of Kurt’s silliness. Awww.

Kurt tells Blaine never to give up, and Blaine indignantly responds that Cooper is the one who is leaving for a big audition. Kurt pauses, and tells Blaine that Cooper hasn’t actually left him yet. He says that Cooper is waiting in the auditorium, hoping that Blaine will come and talk to him and make things right. This line very strongly implies that Kurt and Cooper coordinated this, and that Kurt made an effort of talking to Cooper to try and arrange a meeting with Blaine - because in a matter of mere days, Kurt was able to glean how important their relationship was to Blaine and wanted to do everything he could to fix it. Give him all the boyfriend awards, folks.

I’m kidding. Please don’t start the Better Boyfriend Olympics again, lol.

Blaine huffs out that talking doesn’t actually work with Cooper, and that he’s tried it to no avail. And Kurt just nods knowingly, as if he was aware that Blaine would say that. And though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, I bet he did know. He then goes on to say that perhaps talking isn’t the best answer for Blaine. Maybe there’s something else, a better method of communicating his feelings that would work more for Blaine.

Okay. You know what this reminds me of? Flash back a year, to Silly Love Songs. This is (perhaps unintentionally) a direct callback to 2x12. Back when Blaine was still crushing on someone who is not Kurt, he said this to the Warblers about his idea to serenade Jeremiah.

Blaine (2011): I'm not really good at talking about my feelings. I'm much better at singing them.

And here are Kurt’s words, from more than a year later.

Kurt (2012): Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how.

Can I just stop right here and squeal a little bit? Because Kurt knows his boyfriend so, so well. He remembers the things that Blaine tells him, even things from over a year ago. He holds onto this key piece of information about Blaine, because Blaine is important to him and the things he tells Kurt are worth remembering. And here, in this scene, he puts his memory to good use to try and remind Blaine of his most effective and heartfelt form of communication so that he can help Blaine mend fences with his brother.

GIVE HIM THE BOYFRIEND AWARDS, FOLKS!

Kurt is so, supportive of Blaine and just wants the best for him, and it just boggles my mind when people claim that Kurt didn’t love Blaine as much as Blaine loved him, because from even short simple scenes like this one, anyone can tell that it isn’t true.

After listening to Kurt, Blaine stops, and for the first time, genuinely considers it. Prior to this, all of Cooper’s attempts at talking couldn’t get through to him. Blaine still felt the jealousy and resentment from all those years growing up. But after hearing Kurt’s advice, he puts that aside and realizes that some things, like family, are more important, and so he makes that decision to go see his brother and try and express his feelings in a different way.

Blaine turns to go meet Cooper, and Kurt watches him go, looking so damn proud of his boyfriend and so, so hopeful...

Y’all know what happens next. Blaine and Cooper, a pair of brothers, sing a breakup song. Yet somehow, it works. Singing manages to communicate all of those emotions that were suppressed before, and opens the doors for real conversation between the two of them. They do successfully patch things up, with Cooper finally recognizing Blaine’s talent and Blaine trying to support Cooper in future endeavors. They are on a path to a close relationship, which is all both of them had ever really wanted in the first place.

And if not for Kurt’s advice, this may not have happened. Y’all heard that right - Kurt Hummel helped Blaine patch things up with a member of his family because he knew how important it was to Blaine, and he knew how badly Blaine wanted this even if Blaine didn’t let it show. From all the bits and pieces of information we’ve gathered over the years about Blaine’s family, they don’t appear to be all that close, which is why it’s even more important for Blaine that he is able to reconcile with his brother.

(For more of my thoughts on Blaine’s family, feel free to check out this analysis of mine. Yeah, this is a shameless self promo. Deal with it.)

So...what was the point of this analysis? I’m not quite sure. I suppose I just had a lot of feelings about Blaine, Klaine, family, and the way that Kurt shows love. Like I’ve said millions of times, just because Kurt is more subtle in the way that he shows love to Blaine, doesn’t mean that it’s any less powerful. Scenes like this, in which he handpicks Blaine’s own words and uses them to push Blaine towards something he was too afraid to admit he really wanted? Kurt helping reconcile Blaine with his family? This is Klaine at its best, and scenes like this are why I will always, always ship this couple.

Kurt and Blaine are incredible, y’all.

Peace.

#idiots think blaine loved kurt more than kurt loved him #klaine #klaine meta #glee 3.15 #blaine anderson #kurt hummel #cooper anderson

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swimmingwolf59 · 3 years

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[Fic Excerpt] Mirror Spones rewrite of Operation: Annihilate!

I’ve been working on a monster of a tos s1 rewrite for spones in the mirrorverse--which got a little bit bigger than my original plan of “let’s write a mirror spones smut scene!” lol--and since day 23 of trektober is a mirrorverse prompt I thought I’d share some of it with y’all! This is a rewrite of the final episode of tos s1, Operation: Annihilate! Please keep in mind that this is from a wip, so editing on this has been kinda minimal lol.

CWs: internalized ableism, mentions of murder (including that of a child), minor character death, non-explicit surgery scene, mentions of real and assumed sexual encounters

I think my mirrorverse is pretty tame comparatively, but I just wanted y’all to know what’s up ahead! If I missed anything, feel free to let me know so I can add it!

I’ve had SO much fun working on this, and I’m so excited to get a chance to share some of it with y’all!! I really hope you enjoy!!!

1.2 weeks after Doctor McCoy comes aboard, the Empire starts receiving intelligence reports that suggest an unusual wave of mass insanity devastating the Quadrant. Entire civilizations have broken down into insanity and annihilated one another until the whole population was destroyed. It is not an isolated occurrence, either – it has happened four times now, and the insanity seems to be jumping from planet to planet in a nearly linear line. If it was aliens destroying Terran outposts it would be one thing, but in this case, Terrans themselves are destroying their own civilizations.

At first, it was just a minor irritation. Colonies could be rebuilt. People could be replaced. But then Section 31 began noticing a pattern to the destruction, a pattern that is bringing the madness directly to the Terran colony of Deneva Prime.

Deneva Prime is a major supply colony for the Empire. Slaves mine the nearby asteroid belt and send the most valuable of their findings back to Deneva Prime for processing and distribution throughout the Empire. Without this colony, the loss of easy access to such materials would be devastating. Ships would be harder to repair. Energy supplies would be diminished. Weapon construction would halt. Cities would take longer to establish on conquered worlds, providing ample opportunity for successful rebellions.

The Emperor had dubbed this unacceptable, and sent the Enterprise to protect the colony at all costs.

When Deneva Prime fails to respond to their hails, however, it appears they may already be too late.

“Anything?” Kirk growls, tapping his foot aggressively from where he is sprawled in his chair.

“No, sir,” Uhura says, “I’ve tried every major transmitting station on Deneva. No response.”

Kirk’s hands tighten around the arms of the chair briefly and then let go. Spock notices, but doesn’t comment. “Doctor McCoy, I want your theories.”

McCoy, standing directly behind him, shoots him a disdainful look. “There are no theories. What’s happening here is unprecedented and, as far as we know, medically impossible.”

Kirk whirls around in his chair to face him. While he had delighted in McCoy’s ability to defend himself when he first came aboard, Spock has noticed that he has quickly grown tired of McCoy’s combative nature. McCoy never lets Kirk boss him around, and he gets away with it because he can hypo Kirk to death faster than Kirk could ever hope to kill him.

Kirk knows this, and it infuriates him. Spock considers it to be yet another reason why it is beneficial to have McCoy on his side.

“Well that’s just not good enough,” Kirk hisses. “I thought you were supposed to be the Terran Empire’s leading xenobiologist, but Piper was more imaginative than you.”

McCoy’s lip curls. Before they can strike at one another, however, Sulu cuts in. “Captain, there’s a ship on our sensors.”

“An attacker?” Kirk demands, spinning back around in his chair.

“…No sir.” Sulu frowns down at his sensors. “They’re flying directly into the sun.”

“What?” Kirk points behind him at Uhura. “Hail that ship.”

“Aye, sir.”

“The ship is a one-person vessel of Denevan configuration, Captain,” Spock says evenly, staring into his scanner. “They do not seem to be out of control – they’re on a direct course for the sun.”

“Suicide?” Kirk scoffs. “I’m not letting anyone get away with that until I find out what’s going on around here. Where are those communications, Lieutenant?”

“They’re just responding now, Captain,” Uhura says tightly. “Audio only.”

“Denevan ship!” Kirk barks. “This is James T. Kirk of the I.S.S Enterprise. I demand you to tell me what exactly you think you’re doing.”

Static crackles over the channel, but no one responds.

“Denevan ship!” Kirk snarls. “I don’t like repeating myself. What happened on Deneva?”

“Their outer hull temperature is now 480 degrees and rising, Captain,” Spock says. “They will not survive much longer.”

Kirk smacks his fist against his console. “Dammit, answer me!”

“…I did it!” a voice finally says. “It’s finally gone! I’m free! I’m—!”

Communications cut out abruptly.

“They burned up, Captain,” Sulu says.

Kirk clicks his tongue. “Guess we have no choice but to investigate Deneva Prime ourselves. Plot a course.”

“Aye sir.”

“Captain,” McCoy says as the Enterprise resumes its previous course. “I think there’s a good chance that the insanity has already reached Deneva Prime.”

“Thank you, Doctor, any other helpful observations?” Kirk snarls.

McCoy bristles. “I’m trying to warn you before you go barreling headfirst into dangerous situations like you always do. If you catch the insanity, don’t expect me to treat you!”

Kirk squints threateningly at him. “Are you trying to suggest that I can’t fend for myself, Doctor? That I need your help, like Spock here?”

“Do not involve me in your petty arguments,” Spock interrupts. “Though it will only benefit me if you decide to kill one another.”

Kirk backs off, like Spock thought he would. If Kirk is anything, he is incredibly selfish. He sits back in his chair with a huff and waves his hand dismissively at McCoy. “I don’t want to see you until you have something useful to say.”

McCoy glares daggers at Kirk. His hands twitch at his sides, considering, but he knows better than to try and kill Kirk when Scott and Uhura, both high-ranking underlings of Kirk’s, and all three of their personal guards are closest to him. He exchanges a glance with Spock, evidently trying to get some meaning across that is lost on him, and then storms off the Bridge.

“Captain,” Uhura says, “I’m finally getting a response from Deneva Prime. It’s from a private transmitter, though.”

Kirk explodes out of his chair and stalks up to Uhura’s communications console. “Well, let’s hear it!”

“Please hurry,” someone’s broken voice says. “Help us. I don’t have much time – they’ll know. Please! Please help us!”

“Aur—” Kirk starts to say, but then stops. “Who is this? What are you talking about?”

“The connection’s broken, sir,” Uhura says softly.

“Re-establish!” Kirk shouts.

Uhura pushes some buttons, and then shrugs with her hands. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“I’m not interested in your excuses, Lieutenant,” Kirk snarls. “Re-establish contact with that transmitter!”

Uhura glares at him icily. “I’m afraid that’s impossible at the moment, Captain.”

“Did you recognize that individual, Captain?” Spock interjects. He has been working on turning Uhura to his side, as her loyalty to Kirk just barely overshadows her disdain for him. She’s loyal to him because she believes he has the power to remain Captain for some time, but that is all. A shaky alliance, at best. Spock hopes to gain better with her, so he finds it a logical move to redirect the Captain’s wrath away from her.

Kirk whirls to face him, his expression absolutely murderous. “Of course not – why would you even suggest that?”

“You seemed like you knew their name.”

Kirk’s lip curls, and he bodily pushes past Spock as he returns to his chair. “You would benefit from keeping your speculations to yourself.”

Spock raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t push it. Curious. He wonders how the Captain could be connected to a low-ranking citizen such as those that live on the Deneva Prime colony.

They come into orbit around Deneva Prime 20.9 minutes later. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, their personal guards, and several security officers gather in the transporter room.

“Beam us directly into the capital city, Scotty,” Kirk barks before turning to Spock. “What’s the situation down there?”

“Sensors show that the correct number of people are down there, and alive,” Spock says. “But they are strangely quiet and inactive.”

“Well, at least they’re not all killing each other yet,” McCoy mutters.

“More helpful observations from our good doctor! Let’s see if you can do a bit better than that once we’re down there, hm?” Kirk says petulantly, pushing past him to step onto the transporter pad.

They beam down onto a grassy field that stretches out across the city. It looks like a college campus, with its ample green spaces and short, long buildings. They walk down one of the bright white walkways, Spock examining the area with his tricorder as they go. Oddly, the city appears deserted; they don’t run into a single other person, and the citizens’ life signs barely even register on Spock’s tricorder.

“Where is everyone?” Kirk barks. “There should be 100,000 people here!”

“They’re here, Captain,” Spock says, examining his tricorder. “In the buildings.”

“Then let’s pay them a visit.” Kirk spins around and seems to point out a building at random.

Before they can enter the building, however, they hear shouting. They look up sharply to find several people running towards them, waving heavy clubs and shouting.

“Go away!” one snarls.

“Get out of here!” shouts another.

“We don’t want to hurt you!”

“Don’t want to hurt us? Then what’s with the weapons?” Kirk scoffs and gestures at his personal guard. “Take care of them.”

The guard steps in front of him, killing one of the attackers with his phaser. Spock nods at his own men and they step in front of him and McCoy, easily killing the rest of the attackers. The altercation takes less than three seconds before all of them are dead at their feet. McCoy kneels beside one of them, scanning them with his medical tricorder.

“I must say, Spock,” Kirk says. “People have attempted to kill me many times, but I’ve never been almost killed by someone who claimed they didn’t want to hurt me.”

“Indeed,” Spock agrees. “Most strange. Their words didn’t match their actions.”

“Captain, there’s something wrong with their nervous systems,” McCoy says, frowning at his tricorder. “A dead person shouldn’t give off any readings, not even autonomic activity, but I’m getting a very high reading. Even when they’re dead, something is stimulating the hell out of them.”

Spock frowns. Nothing he knows about biology could explain that, and McCoy seems puzzled by it as well.

Before they can speculate, however, a loud, piercing shriek suddenly breaks the silence.

“Let’s see if we can finally get some answers,” Kirk growls and starts running towards the scream.

They enter the building nearest to them and find someone, likely the source of the screaming, banging their fists on an access hatch over the ventilator in the wall. “They’re here! They’re here!! Please, keep them away!!”

The person runs into the center of the room, screaming as they clutch at their head. They are surrounded by dead bodies. One older person and a child lay splayed at their feet, motionless. Though the person is screaming and crying, they seem to be completely unaware of the bodies beside them. “They’re here! They’re here!!”

Kirk grabs the person’s shoulders and shakes them. “Tell me what’s going on here! Who’s here?”

The person gasps, focusing on Kirk’s face for the first time. “…Jim?”

Kirk freezes. Spock and McCoy both pause from where they had been examining the bodies and turn to stare at him. Spock raises his eyebrow. So. He had recognized the person on the comm after all.

Kirk gnashes his teeth. “Tell me what’s going on!”

But the person is practically comatose, shaking their head and crying. Kirk pushes them none too gently onto the single chair in the room and then whirls around, only to freeze once again. Spock is kneeling by the body Kirk has just seen, so he sees the shock on his face clearly before Kirk neutralizes his expression.

And suddenly, the pieces of the puzzle finally slot into place. When James T. Kirk was thirteen, he lived in a Terran colony on Tarsus IV. The conditions were harsh, and supply lines often didn’t make it there either because they were shot down by enemies or because the Terran Empire genuinely did not care about what happened to one of its poorest colonies. Anyone coming from that colony would usually be considered nothing, but Kirk was infamous for supposedly killing his entire family so that he could survive and rise to the top of the Empire. He was especially infamous for supposedly killing his own brother and ripping the food right out of his dead hands. Because of this, Kirk has always been thought to have no weaknesses, since ties to family are always what bring people down, in the end.

Except, apparently, he never actually killed his brother. It has to be him, because why else would Kirk pretend not to recognize him or his spouse? “This man was your brother.”

Kirk scowls and turns away. “I’ve never seen that man before in my life.”

“Jim,” McCoy growls, and Kirk visibly tenses at the provocative use of his first name, “is this kid your nephew?”

Kirk doesn’t say anything.

“Well?” McCoy barks. “Dammit, the kid’s still alive!”

That captures Kirk’s attention. He walks over and kneels by the child, his expression dark.

“We should bring the kid and your brother’s spouse back up to the Enterprise so I can check them out,” McCoy says. “Maybe then I can understand what happened to everyone else—”

“Bring them back to the Enterprise?” Kirk snarls, standing again abruptly. “And let them be targets for everyone on board? No, Doctor, you will perform your examination here, or I will kill them.”

McCoy looks shocked, as if this type of violence isn’t commonplace. Spock finds Kirk’s stance surprisingly logical. Having people one cares about is dangerous, especially for someone in Kirk’s position. His family would not last a minute onboard the Enterprise as soon as it was discovered that they mean something to him.

“…There’s not much I can do with just my tricorder,” McCoy mutters, his lip curling as Kirk starts to reach for his phaser, “but I’ll perform the examination here.”

While McCoy scans them, Spock searches through the rest of the house, trying to find any information about what happened here. The spouse had been screaming about someone, or something, being here, but Spock can’t find evidence of any other lifeforms but them in the house. However, based on the fact that they had found the spouse desperately trying to block the ventilator, they must have been concerned about something getting in.

He comes back into the main room to find Kirk standing over his dead brother.

“I put him on this planet to keep him safe, and now look at him,” Kirk growls, kicking at his brother’s skull. “He was always such a weakling.”

Spock says nothing. He is not used to seeing vulnerability in his captain, and is unsure what to do in the face of it.

Kirk takes a breath and turns to face Spock. “Spock, I want your best guess about what the hell’s going on here.”

“Evidently your brother’s spouse was worried about something getting in, as they were doing their best to block that ventilator on the wall. However, they were apparently unsuccessful, as whatever it was they were trying to keep out likely is what killed your brother.”

Kirk’s lip curled. “His name is Sam, his wife’s name is Aurelan, and their son is Peter. You will refer to them by name and not by their relation to me, understood?”

Spock raises his eyebrow. He could use this as leverage against Kirk, but he has no reason to antagonize him at this time. “Understood, Captain.”

Kirk sighs and slams his fist into the wall. “I don’t understand what’s happening. No dangerous lifeforms were reported, our sensors didn’t pick up anything that wasn’t supposed to here…”

“That is correct,” Spock says. “I am at a loss to understand it.”

McCoy walks up to them, a frown furrowed in his brow. “Well, I finished what little examination I could manage without Sickbay equipment. All I can really tell you is that they’re in extreme pain – I’m talking levels so high they don’t even register on my tricorder.”

“What’s the cause?” Kirk demands.

“I don’t know yet – I took some samples to take back to the ship’s lab, assuming I’m allowed to do that?” McCoy says, his glare acidic.

Kirk considers him with narrowed eyes, then nods. “Fine. But if you tell anyone who the samples are from, I’ll kill you. Understood?”

McCoy rolls his eyes. “Understood, Captain. And oh, by the way, Aurelan’s regaining consciousness. Maybe she’ll be more cooperative faced with your charming personality.”

McCoy stalks away, presumably to beam back to the ship.

“I despise that man,” Kirk growls before turning to Spock. “Go search the rest of the colony. I’ll talk to Aurelan. Report back in an hour.”

Spock dips his head. “Very well, Captain.”

They reconvene an hour later, near the staircase where the group of individuals had attacked them earlier. Kirk looks dark and dangerous when he storms out of the building where his brother’s family was, and Spock can only assume that they are dead.

“Report,” he growls when he reaches Spock.

“The streets are extraordinarily quiet, Captain,” Spock says. “We’ve seen no other Denevans, and the ones we killed earlier were gone when we came out.”

“…Have you seen some kind of creature?” Kirk asks. “Any alien form?”

Spock raises an eyebrow. “None. Though I have heard a peculiar buzzing sound – I was planning to investigate it after we reconvened.”

Kirk nods. “Good, let’s go find out what it is. Aurelan told me that some type of parasitic creature was brought along by an alien trading vessel eight months ago, and they apparently use pain to force their victims into taking them elsewhere before killing them. We can’t allow them to continue taking over this colony, or to spread, or we’ll have more to worry about than lack of materials.”

Spock nods and leads the way to the building where he had heard the buzzing. It is loud when they enter the building and walk down the small staircase leading into the main room. It sounds like the buzzing of many Earth bees, but louder. There are also occasional strange squeaking noises, evidently the cry of the creature.

Kirk turns as something squeaks particularly close to him, and hisses, “Spock!”

Spock turns to follow his gaze. It takes him a moment to see them, because they are plastered on the underside of the archway leading into the other room. The creatures are tan in color, with red squiggly lines in the center of their bodies, and they are shaped like giant Earth dumplings. One suddenly detaches from the ceiling and flies at them, causing them to all drop down to the floor.

“Form a ring!” Kirk hisses as he and Spock move close together. Their personal guards sit with their backs to them, guarding their blind spots.

More creatures drop down from the ceiling and fly at them, just barely missing them.

“Fire!” Kirk snarls, and Spock aims his phaser at the creature closest to him.

It takes 6.3 seconds of sustained phaser fire before the creature finally drops from the ceiling, landing on the floor with a soft smack. The other creatures peel off and fly away, leaving the space open for them to advance.

Spock crawls over to the fallen creature and runs his tricorder over it. To his surprise, the readings come back blank.

“Incredible,” he says. “Not only should it have been destroyed by our phasers, but it does not even register on my tricorder. It is not life as we know or understand it. And yet it is alive, it exists—”

“And we can’t kill it,” Kirk says grimly. His hand tightens into a fist at his side.

“Captain, I suggest we risk taking it aboard,” Spock says. It will help them understand what it is doing to the people on this colony, but additionally Spock feels a certain curiosity about it. He wants to understand what this organism is, how it functions, everything.

But Kirk, as always, is thinking about himself. “It’s too close in here – it may be a trap. Let’s get out of here.”

Reluctantly, Spock gets up and leaves the creature behind. As he’s walking up the stairs, however, something suddenly slams into his back—and then everything is pain. It is pain like nothing he has ever felt before – it slams into every single one of his nerve endings with the power of an agony booth. He gasps, and falls backwards down the stairs.

Stemek is at his side in an instant. “Sir, the creature—”

“Spock!” Kirk leaps down the stairs, but is blocked from approaching Spock’s huddled form by Stemek. “What the hell—”

He can’t respond – he can’t breathe through the pain. All he can do is scrabble at the creature on his back. Get it off get it off get it off get it off—

Fingers pry at the creature, ripping it off his back, but it’s too late – he can still feel it. It is inside him, seeping into his nervous system like slow poison.

“The creature is gone, sir,” Stemek says in a calm, quiet voice. “Can you stand?”

He cannot. He feels paralyzed from pain.

Target acquired

One of us

Life is eternal

“Dammit.” Kirk spits. “Get him to Sickbay. Guess he got his specimen to study after all.”

Spock regains consciousness, and immediately wishes that he hadn’t.

The pain is everywhere – all around him. Vulcans usually have a high pain tolerance because they can center on the parts of themselves that are whole, focus away from the injured body part. But he can’t escape from this.

You are under our control

Your pain is at our command

Do what we ask, and there will be no pain

He becomes aware of McCoy standing beside him, with Nurse Chapel on his other side. He immediately tenses. He is on his stomach, back to them – a most vulnerable place to be. He attempts to roll over, but McCoy plants his hands firmly on his back to stop him.

“Stop moving around!” McCoy barks. “I’ve given Christine half of my meal credits so that she doesn’t kill you, so just stay still!”

“I wouldn’t have killed you, anyway,” Chapel says, her hand suspiciously close to Spock’s own. “We’ve had a beneficial relationship even before Doctor McCoy came aboard, and I’m not about to jeopardize that. But I wasn’t going to say no to his meal credits, either.”

“So that knife you were holding in your hand earlier was just an act, is that it?” McCoy snaps.

Chapel laughs. “Oh Doctor, that was for you! But you’re on Mister Spock’s side and had a hypo handy so I figured it wasn’t worth it.”

McCoy snorts, and Spock is amazed to realize that he sounds amused. Apparently McCoy has already formed a strong pact with Chapel – the man is more resourceful than his flippant nature would suggest.

“Doctor—” Spock starts, but is cut off by a sudden, agonizingly intense wave of pain flowing through him.

McCoy’s thumb rubs the skin at his hip gently and then pulls away. “We’re working on figuring out what’s happened to you, Spock. Now if you’d stop fighting us, maybe we could get some work done.”

“It is—not me,” Spock pants out. “The creature—”

Another wave of pain, worse than before, rolls over him. He clenches his teeth so hard his jaw quivers.

Do not tell

They cannot know

Healers—evil

“Hm.” McCoy peels something long and slimy out of his body. “Prepare to close.”

Chapel looks up at him sharply. “Doctor, surely that’s not all you’re going to do! There’s more of that thing in him, entwined all through his body!”

“I’m aware of that, Nurse!” McCoy snaps. “Now unless you really do want to kill him by breaking apart every single one of his nerves, help me close!”

They stare at each other heatedly. It takes Spock a moment to realize that McCoy can’t help him. The creature is still inside. It, and the pain, may always be inside.

You will be free if you take us away

“No,” Spock whispers, squeezing his eyes shut and thrashing against the pain flooding his body.

“Spock?” McCoy asks, putting a hand on Spock’s arm.

Take the ship

Take us away

“I will not!” But his body is already moving, tossing Chapel to the ground as he gets up and sprints for the door. Something crashes into him bodily from behind—McCoy. It’s enough to unbalance Spock for a moment, and McCoy uses that moment to move in front of him, blocking the doorway. Spock breathes heavily, staring just past his ear at the door to Sickbay.

Take us away

He is nothing

Fight fight fight

Spock reaches for McCoy’s neck. McCoy ducks away, faster than Spock had anticipated, and aims a few jabs at his shoulders, biceps, and stomach. They hardly hurt, but they’re enough to do damage of a different kind; something in Spock’s body gives in and he falls uselessly to his knees, unable to move his upper body. Chapel tosses McCoy a hypo, and McCoy glances at it briefly before jabbing it into Spock’s neck.

The world goes black, and Spock crumples to the floor.

“They’re pieces of some form of living tissue,” McCoy is saying when Spock regains consciousness again. He is laying on the biobed once more, although this time on his back, with heavy restraints around his arms, legs, and waist. Spock closes his eyes as another wave of pain washes over him—no doubt the reason for the restraints. He cannot allow himself to lose control like that again, or he will certainly be killed.

Kirk is also in the room now, standing near the doorway, and he is who McCoy is talking to as he holds up a jar with some kind of fleshy tentacle floating in it. “I removed this one from Spock’s spinal cord. His body’s full of these tentacles, entwining and growing all about his nervous system. Evidently, when the creature attacks, it’s with a stinger much like a bee or a wasp, and it leaves one of these behind in the victim’s body. It takes over the victim very rapidly, and the entwining is far, far too involved for conventional surgery to remove.”

Kirk opens his mouth, likely to make some sour retort about McCoy’s lack of surgical skill, but McCoy continues quickly, “Now I’ve got the results for Aurelan and Peter back from the lab, and their biochemical readings are similar to how Spock’s are right now. I’d like to go back down there and examine them again, to see if it’s—”

“They’re dead,” Kirk says.

McCoy freezes. He takes a threatening step forward. “Captain, did you—?”

“Aurelan was killed by that damned creature,” Kirk interrupts. “But I did kill Peter. He wouldn’t have survived anyway.”

McCoy is murderous. Spock has never seen him look so angry, not even when his own life was threatened. “You murdered a helpless child?!”

“It was better than what would have happened to him if he’d lived,” Kirk growls. “You should know that, Doctor, having tortured countless innocents yourself.”

McCoy’s mouth works furiously. Spock thinks Kirk’s decision is logical – brutal and unfortunate, but logical. McCoy however looks at Kirk with disgust, like he can’t imagine an act worse than the one Kirk has just committed. Spock wonders how he has managed to keep such a moral high ground in this kind of universe.

“This creature has taken over all the inhabitants of Deneva,” Kirk says, changing the topic swiftly. No doubt he is not keen on potentially being on the receiving end of one of McCoy’s hypos. “You need to find some way to destroy it, Doctor, or else the Empire will not be very happy with you.”

“I’m already running all the tests I can on the damn thing – you don’t need to threaten me,” McCoy growls. “What would be helpful is to have someone go down there and collect an actual creature. This tentacle and Spock’s bioreadings aren’t much to go off of.”

“Captain, I will go,” Spock says, alerting McCoy and Kirk to his conscious state.

“What?!” McCoy barks, but Kirk holds up a hand to silence him. He stares calculatingly at Spock, his eyes drifting down to the restraints holding him.

“As I am already infected, the creatures pose no threat to me. I am the logical choice to collect a specimen.” He turns his head to stare at McCoy. “These restraints are hardly necessary, Doctor.”

McCoy just watches him, eyes narrowed. Evidently, he has not told Kirk about the incident, for Kirk just raises an eyebrow. “Now is hardly the time to be trying out a new kink, McCoy. Release Spock immediately – and Spock? I want that creature in Sickbay within the hour.”

“Very well, Captain.” Spock sits up, and nearly throws up from the pain that rolls over him. It takes all of his concentration not to show anything on his face.

Do not return to the surface

Do not take any of us

Take the ship

Kill the captain

“Spock—!” McCoy protests, but stops when Spock turns his most intense stare on him. He allows McCoy to do a lot of things to him that he would not allow for others, but he will not let him condemn him to death simply because of a brief lapse in control.

“Captain, the creature uses pain to control its victims, which explains how it has been able to travel from planet to planet,” Spock says, looking at Kirk. “Fortunately, as a Vulcan, I am immune to its influences. However, because of this, it will not be possible to reason with the colonists, or likely even get close to them. The creature has already expressed hatred towards Doctor McCoy as a healer.”

“I couldn’t do anything even if I could get close enough,” McCoy reiterates, and Spock nods.

“The creature must be destroyed remotely.”

Kirk’s jaw tightens. “Alright, I’m putting you two in charge of figuring out how to destroy it, without killing the human host. We cannot let that creature spread any further, but we can’t afford to lose Deneva and its workers, either. I want a report on my desk in two hours.”

“Yes, Captain,” Spock says, and ignores McCoy’s eyes, heavy on him.

Spock returns to the surface to collect a specimen, which is mostly uneventful aside from a brief skirmish with one of the infected colonists, and then joins McCoy in Sickbay. They place the creature in a biomedical incubator and try everything they can possibly think of to kill it, and yet still it will not die. They have at least discovered that the creature is single-celled, and seems to function like a brain cell. Though it is disconnected from the other cells, it is still part of and draws strength from a much larger creature. However, none of this has told them anything about how to destroy it. He and McCoy have been at it for 1.6 hours, throwing every type of destructive force they can think of at it, but nothing works. The Captain is expecting a report in 12 minutes, but so far there is nothing to put into it.

Cannot kill

Life is eternal

Punishment is constant if you continue

The amount of pain the creature puts Spock through is excruciating. It makes it extremely difficult to focus on anything – it takes all of his control just to remain sitting in the chair in front of the incubator. He does not know how any Terrans have endured this pain, for even as a Vulcan he is barely holding himself together.

His hands clench into fists on top of the table. A second later, a loud whirring sounds next to his ear. McCoy.

Spock whirls around and grabs the medical scanner, crushing it in his hands. “You will cease scanning me, Doctor.”

McCoy’s nostrils flare, his eyes bright and angry as he glares at Spock. “I will not, your pain levels are—”

“Manageable,” Spock grits out, enunciating each syllable carefully.

They stare at each other. McCoy’s jaw works, obviously wanting to argue with him, but he just pulls back, letting the broken pieces of the scanner fall on the floor between them.

As much of a healer as he is, even he must understand what it means to show weakness in a universe like this.

McCoy consults his tricorder as Spock turns back to the incubator. He hates that McCoy and Chapel know the amount of pain he’s in, how debilitating it could truly be. It gives them power over him, and that’s not a position he is at all comfortable with being in. He supposes it’s a good thing he formed a pact with McCoy when he did, but that does not mean he won’t decide to turn on him as soon as Spock ceases to be useful.

His already limited concentration is split even further – he keeps one eye on the creature and one on McCoy at all times.

It is no wonder the obvious answer never occurs to him.

“This is impossible!” McCoy growls a few seconds later, throwing down his tricorder in frustration.

“It cannot be, Doctor. The Denevan that flew into the sun claimed that they were freed, that they had won,” Spock says. “This suggests that something in the sun must have killed it.”

“But we’ve tried everything! Radiation, heat—”

Life is eternal

Cease this experimentation

Seize the ship

“It must be an additional property of the sun,” Spock grits out through the next wave of pain the creature washes over him. His mind is empty, consumed with maintaining control of his body, consumed with agony.

A light suddenly goes off on the incubator. It is merely telling them that the oxygen within the container needs to be replenished, but it is enough to trigger an idea.

“Light,” they say simultaneously. McCoy snaps his fingers, a gleeful grin on his face, and Spock raises his eyebrow.

They move to the bio lab immediately to test it. McCoy rigs up a test room with a light source that will allow them to throw light from all spectrums at whatever is inside the cubicle. Nurse Chapel places the incubator with the creature inside on the chair in the room once it’s set up, and then retreats to the controls where McCoy and Spock are calculating how bright the light thrown needs to be.

“Ready, Doctor,” Chapel says.

McCoy hands them both a pair of protective goggles. “Here, put these on.”

Spock and Chapel do as they are told, and then McCoy throws the bright light. He keeps it on for 5.4 seconds and then shuts it off again. As soon as it is off, Spock removes his goggles and goes to look at the creature.

It is completely incinerated.

“It worked!” McCoy exclaims, poking his head in next to him. “We can do it.”

“I’ll go run some computer analyses on the remains,” Chapel says, stepping in to take the creature before leaving the room.

“It worked in a lab, Doctor,” Spock corrects once she is gone. “We still need to test if it will work on a living host.”

McCoy frowns. “You don’t mean you?”

“Who else?” Spock meets his eyes. “The creature will not allow you to get close to anyone else. I am the logical, and only, choice.”

“Do you have any idea of the risk?!” McCoy demands. “Your optic nerves—”

“I am aware of the risks, Doctor.” Spock starts to enter the test cubicle.

“Wait, Spock! We need to wait for the results of the first test, and you need some protective goggles—”

“There will be no protective goggles on the surface, therefore I cannot use them either.” McCoy’s mouth drops open, so Spock continues before he can say anything, “Additionally, we have no time to wait – the Captain requires his report soon. And I will not be held responsible and punished for it being late.”

McCoy’s jaw works, anger seeming to curl off his entire body. This is the fourth time he has shown anger at the idea of someone being needlessly hurt. Twice now it has been directed towards Spock himself, a fact that Spock finds greatly puzzling. Just because they have an arrangement doesn’t seem to warrant McCoy’s drastic emotional response to his well-being. “…I hate it when you’re right, Spock. Fine. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Do not do this

We will kill you

Life is eternal

Spock nods and then lays back in the chair, staring up at the light source. The pain within him is the worst he’s ever felt, and he is more than ready to be rid of it. “I am ready Doctor.”

So he’d said, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the actual moment when McCoy turns the light on. It is piercing—startling—so incredibly painful. His head jerks back, his eyelids falling shut on reflex, but it doesn’t help. Even with his eyes closed the light is blinding, everywhere.

He’s so distracted by the pain radiating from his eyes that it takes him a moment to realize they are the only part of him that feel pain. When McCoy finally switches the light back off, this fact is even further accented. He feels nothing; he hears nothing. The creature is gone.

He is free—he has no pain—he—

Spock opens his eyes.

He is completely blind.

Spock blinks a few times, just to be sure. However, the situation does not improve; his eyes are open, but all he sees is blackness.

Panic starts to settle in him. The pain had been debilitating enough, but this? This is much worse. He had been able to work through the pain. He cannot work if he is blind; he cannot read his scanners if he is blind; he cannot perform experiments if he is blind. And if he cannot work or read his scanners or perform experiments, then what use is he to the Empire?

He will be useless. He will be killed.

“Spock, did it work?” McCoy asks, sliding the door open.

Spock tries hard not to flinch, and instead turns his head in the direction of McCoy’s voice. He will have to pretend he can still see long enough to get past McCoy. Then he can hand in his resignation, and at least his career will be over on his own terms, and he will still have his life.

He stands from the chair as gracefully as he can. McCoy is observant – he will notice immediately if Spock is not careful. And there will be nothing stopping him from just killing Spock himself once he realizes what has happened, how useless he will be to him now.

Spock pauses at the door of the cubicle with his hands behind his back, waiting for McCoy to shift noisily before confidently turning his head to look in that direction. “The creature within me is gone, Doctor.”

There’s a loud smack, like McCoy slammed his hand down on the table, and then he says, “Sickbay to Captain – we’ve figured out how to kill the creature. Meet us down in the bio lab.”

Spock’s pulse thrums in his throat. McCoy has fallen silent now, and he is unsure of where he is. He knows he must move from the doorway of the test cubicle, or else McCoy will start to wonder if something is wrong, but if he chooses his path incorrectly, it could be disastrous. He is confident that he remembers the layout of the room, however, so he takes a few confident steps forward.

Almost immediately, his hip catches on something and he nearly falls over. His hands splay out in front of him to keep his balance, colliding with the table that must be what he had run into. Has this table always been here?

“…You can’t see,” McCoy whispers. It is not a question. “That procedure blinded you, didn’t it?!”

“You are incorrect,” Spock insists, his heartbeat starting to pick up speed. “I simply misjudged where I was going.”

A loud snapping sound suddenly emanates directly in front of his face and he flinches back.

“You. Can’t. See,” McCoy growls, now standing directly in front of him.

Spock stares straight ahead. He’s aware of McCoy’s position now, and hopes that will be enough should McCoy decide to attack him.

“Doctor, the results of the first test on the creature’s remains,” Chapel says, re-entering the room. She pauses, though Spock cannot discern for what reason, and then he hears her footsteps recede again.

McCoy’s breath suddenly catches. “…Shit. I threw the whole spectrum of light at the creature – it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t need to throw the blinding white light at all…”

…Spock should be angry. He should be furious. He should be suspicious that this was McCoy’s plan all along. What a convenient way to get rid of the person most dangerous to him, one that even gives him an excuse should Kirk accuse him of foul play. Spock himself had even suggested they not wait for the results of the first test. It is the perfect plot.

But all he can think about is that he is incredibly vulnerable, and that McCoy could kill him instantly.

“Spock—” McCoy moves, more nosily than he would have usually, but that doesn’t process quite yet. Spock can just imagine him reaching for the hypo he always keeps in his boot, and his fight response kicks in.

He grabs McCoy’s wrists, twisting and pulling them behind his back to restrain him, and places his hand on McCoy’s neck. McCoy’s pulse thunders against his hand, but he doesn’t struggle. Spock is touching him, bare skin to bare skin, and his mental shields are in tatters from blocking the pain all day, but it still takes him a moment to realize what exactly it is that McCoy’s feeling.

He freezes.

McCoy is not intent on killing him. He is not even afraid for his own life.

What he feels is guilt. And concern for Spock.

“…Well, Spock?” McCoy’s voice is unusually quiet. “Are you going to kill me or not? All you have to do is apply a bit more pressure, and then you get rid of not only the person who blinded you, but the person who’s most dangerous to you on this ship.”

Spock releases him. McCoy doesn’t move away, only proving what Spock had picked up telepathically. McCoy is not afraid for his own life, but he also does not intend to kill him. Why? He could have so easily done so when Spock was not aware of where he was, but he hadn’t. In fact, he had purposefully moved loudly so that Spock could tell where he was. He didn’t struggle when Spock grabbed him, even though Spock knows he carries the Vulcan-strength hypo on him at all times. He has seen McCoy kill others that attacked him, and yet he made no attempt to kill him.

He doesn’t understand. He can’t think of a single reason for why McCoy would not simply kill him.

“Why?” Spock demands. “Why do you feel concern for me, instead of a desire to kill me while I am vulnerable?”

There is silence. And then, in the distance, the sound of Sickbay’s doors swishing open.

Kirk.

Spock stiffens and moves away, pressing back against the table. It won’t do much defensively, but at least it should allow him to hear if someone attempts to attack him from behind. Because while McCoy may spare him, Kirk certainly will not.

“Well, Doctor?” Kirk says, loudly entering the room. “You actually managed to kill that thing, huh?”

“Yes – light ended up being the answer. That was what killed it when that Denevan flew into the sun. These specifications for some satellite probes should destroy them on the planet, too.”

“Excellent.” Kirk actually sounds pleased. “And Spock?”

Spock closes his eyes, tries to picture the layout of the room and his best defenses against Kirk’s attack.

But McCoy simply says, “He’s fine, the creature inside him is dead so he’s back in top condition. I just need him to go over some results still.”

Kirk is silent for a moment, but then snorts. “‘Results’, sure. Just make sure my first officer will be in working condition when you’re done, hm?”

He leaves, and Spock just stands there, stunned. Twice now he should’ve died, and yet here he still stands. He looks to where he thinks McCoy is, unsure if the shock is visible on his face. McCoy is silent except for his breathing, but then he suddenly touches Spock’s face, his warm hand cradling his cheek before sliding back into his hair.

“We have an agreement, remember?” he says, and then pulls away again.

“You cannot hide my blindness forever,” Spock points out, fighting back the gratitude and wonder, both dangerous things, that threaten to overwhelm him.

“No.” Something cold, a scanner most likely, presses into Spock’s face. “But maybe we can fix it before then.”

It ends up not being necessary – Spock’s second eyelid has protected his eyes, though he had assumed it hadn’t since he had been blinded at all. McCoy berates him for forgetting about this little detail, but then spends half an hour studying it curiously. Spock has noticed this about McCoy – he has a curiosity about life and xenophysiology that is unrivaled. It is not a common trait among Terrans, Spock has observed, or at least one that is readily displayed in the Empire. Most Terrans have some kind of aversion and disdain for alien life, but not McCoy.

He is the only other person Spock has ever met who is more interested in science than killing and conquering.

“Your planet must have an incredibly bright sun, or more than one sun,” McCoy says eventually. They are sitting in his office, Spock allowed to stay there until his vision fully returns. McCoy has been studying his tricorder readings of Spock’s second eyelid the whole time, and Spock has been studying him.

He still doesn’t fully understand why McCoy spared his life. Their arrangement is fairly new, so Spock has not offered him enough significant protection for his presence to be something McCoy desires. And though they have enjoyed sexual encounters, he can’t imagine he is so amazing in bed that it would be a significant reason to keep him around.

So he has concluded that it must be something about McCoy himself, something about his character that he hides away, that encouraged him to protect Spock’s life.

“Our sun is two times brighter than that of Terran’s,” Spock says. “Terrans there often have trouble with long-term exposure.”

McCoy hums thoughtfully. “But you must not have to use this second eyelid very often if you didn’t even think about it.”

“Its usage is an autonomous response – when the sun reaches full brightness during the afternoon, it automatically falls shut, and retracts again once the sun has started to set.” Spock raises his eyebrow pointedly. “We do not think of it, just as Terrans do not think of their appendix.”

McCoy barks out a sharp laugh. “That is not at all the same thing, and you know it!”

Spock allows a small smile to pull at the corner of his mouth. He doesn’t know what it is about McCoy that makes him feel so…at ease. Though the fact that he didn’t kill him when he had ample opportunities to might be part of it.

“Spock, I have another question for you.” McCoy puts his tricorder down and meets Spock’s gaze, his blue eyes bright. “You could’ve killed me easily, when you had your hand on my neck. Why didn’t you? It would be safer and easier for you if I wasn’t around.”

It is as good of a question as why McCoy hadn’t killed him, but Spock hasn’t devoted any time to thinking about it. The only answer he can come up with at the moment is that he had felt that McCoy hadn’t wanted to kill him, and therefore there was no reason to dispose of an ally.

It’s not the full truth, he can sense, but it is all he wants to think about for now.

“We have an agreement,” Spock says eventually, and looks down at his PADD so he doesn’t have to see McCoy’s expression.

#star trek tos #spones #mirrorverse #trektober 2021 #day 23: mirrorverse #spock #leonard bones mccoy #james t kirk #chapel briefly #episode tag: operation: annihilate!#8k words #excerpt #my writing

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sukiglycerin · 4 years

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it’s too cold outside for angels to fly || katsuki bakugou.

* pairing: pro-hero!katsuki bakugou x angel quirk!reader (gender neutral!)

* genre: fluff, angst, actually sfw (wow, luna's can do that?!)

* words: 8.1k (it’s a big baby!)

* warnings: mentions of trauma, reader is insecure but it's not their entire personality, therapy (not a lot of scenes with it), slight intoxication, mentions of throwing up (not much), like one suggestive joke, (light) cussing because bakugou

* original request: All I’m saying is reader with a angel quirk and the reader even has wings AND ANGST (but happy at the end 🥺) WITH BAKUGOU sounds so good 😔 but of course if you don’t want to do that it’s fine no pressure 💕

* a/n: hi 'nonnie! i hope you like you like this! honestly, it turned out longer than i expected (twice the length lol) but i'm proud of this baby. i'd like to note that enko, the nickname bakugou calls reader means 'halo' in japanese and can double down as a name, and an important reminder not to take any advice from the therapy in this fic. i am not a professional therapist, and please seek advice for situations specific to yours. the name of the fic is inspired by a lyric from ed sheeran's 'a-team,' but i promise it's not that dark. thanks so much to @toishi and the amazing feedback from @dylanxmin for beta-reading this! hope you enjoy!

* synopsis: you were your parents' perfect angel. you listened, and you followed. you didn't become a pro-hero, you stayed inside per your parents' request. it was okay if you couldn't fly; or, at least it was, before katsuki bakugou came along...

your grandmother loved pastries. that’s why you were here, trekking through the cold city in the tokyo winter. you shivered everytime your feathers came in contact with the frigid air, as if they, too, cowered under the looming shadows of tall buildings and bright lights.

so many people roamed the sidewalks, yet any bodily warmth was gone. you regretted not buying a cover for your wings - surely, it'd be an investment despite the price. wing covers were rarely manufactured for your size in japan, mainly aimed for small children just developing a quirk. the extra cloth needed for adult wing covers as well as shipping costs jacked up the price, making you hesitant to buy them. your wings were folded against the outside of your coat (putting them inside gave you cramps), nuzzling against your back subconsciously for heat. your wings were a pale cream colour, slightly more vibrantly mustard-coloured at the tips, and were the most visible part of your quirk.

according to the doctor, your quirk was "angel," but it felt nothing more than a pet name. there was a time in your life that you adorned a halo, but it no longer hovered above you when you looked up now. you weren't granted much power with your quirk; you were barely able to fly with your wings, but maybe you had a stronger moral compass than others? the wings, at this point in your life, were just accessories, as useless as the appendix. they could only cause you pain. you walked mindlessly toward the bakery, snow flurries dotting your hair. the bakery was a rundown, easy to miss place; you would've missed it if you hadn't gone there so many times. the faded yellow paint on the exterior was peeling, the poster on the window ripped and advertising for summer deals from years back. it had only a word-of-mouth reputation to rely on.

there was a worn sticker on the door, right at eye level, which said the name of the bakery in loopy letters: 'the flour road.'

you swung the door open with a jingle, greeted by the scent of baking bread and warmth. the bakery was your grandmother's favorite, specializing in rice cakes and dorayaki. she loved the pastries, for some reason - the baklava especially. she sent you on an errand to buy her some, giving you extra money to buy your personal favorite of dorayaki. to be exact, she pushed the money into your hands and forced you to buy a dorayaki for yourself. it was still warm when the cashier handed you your boxes, which you gingerly put in the bag.

you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the cold, before you opened the door and found yourself back in the cold winter.

a hand roughly pulled you into an alley, and you found yourself face to face with a masked figure.

"give me your money." the figure pointed to your purse, tugging it.

"i don't- i don't-" you reach to take off your purse, not questioning it. there was simply nothing you could do; besides, the voice was young enough. what if they were simply going through a rough time in life? that was no cause to-

"OI, DUMBASS, WHADDAYA THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" a spiky haired man appeared suddenly, wearing what appeared to be melons on his arms. you suddenly recognized his getup of black, orange, and green; he was a pro-hero. what was his name? zero gravity? zero gr...ass?

"LADY, MOVE ASIDE." he looked you over. "FLY, OR SOMETHING."

"i can't-" but he was already after the thief. it took him less than 30 seconds to capture the thief; he was fast by himself, but was faster when propelled by his explosions.

"well, why are you here still?" he turned to you, the figure from before slung over his shoulder.

"i can't fly," you blurted.

he blinked. "then walk. besides, you literally have-" the figure moaned over his shoulder. "agh, nevermind, gotta take this douche to the police. go home."

the next you see of the explosive melon hero is at a supermarket. his arms are melonless this time, though, and you're not actually sure if he's the melon hero. you only recognize him by his hair and red eyes, but truthfully, it was probably not him. he was muttering something about "the spice not being spicy enough," and "stupid hair-for-brains nagging about the heat."

you felt a finger poke your wings. "hey miss, you have ugly wings." a stubby boy, no more than 5 or 6, looked up at you. smirking, he pushed his own smaller wings out, hands on his hips. "mine are teal-turquoise! yours are boring white."

"uh, okay-"

"mind your damn business, brat. where are your parents?" you could now confirm that the spiky haired man was indeed the melonhero by his voice and vulgarity. melonhero had turned to the kid, standing by your side.

the kid hmphed and walked away, to where his mother scolded him for straying from her.

"you again?" melonhero turned to you. "you really need to learn how to stand up for yourself."

"eh? i was handling it fine!"

"yeah, sure. what’s up with your wings, anyway?" he grunted. "can’t fly?"

"n-no. they're, uh, too weak." it was something hard to admit out loud for you. all winged people could fly, but you couldn't even hover, your wings just flapping up wind.

"too weak?! eh? is that even possible??" he poked one of your feathers. "they seem sturdy enough to me."

you turn your wings away from him, frowning. "it's not that easy. i-i never really had time to learn..."

"isn't that what all kids do in their free time, though? experiment with their quirk?"

"my parents thought it was useless..." you shuffled your feet awkwardly, eyes downcast.

"WORTHLESS?!" you flinched at his sudden volume. "it's your quirk, though, 'wings'?"

you rubbed the back of your neck. "well, not really... it's...." angel. the word echoed in your mind, under the spotlight on a stage. it stared at you in an empty auditorium. 'angel.' the word had negative connotations for you. to others, it was a sweet, innocent nickname, but to you, it meant more.

it represented the weight of your parents' expectations, the burden of your classes' assumptions. it became a ball and chain, reminding you of who you were, who you were supposed to be, and who you could never become. you were your parents' angel, your parents' little light. nothing else.

"'angel,' eh?"

"huh?" did melonhero suddenly manifest a mind-reading quirk? you look at him, but his gaze is above your head.

"halo."

"halo," you repeated, looking dumbly at the flickering ring above you.

"well then, enko, it's nice to meet you," he smirked.

"i'm not enko- i'm y/n-"

"enko’s better. i'm ground zero, the number one pro-"

"melonhero," you blurted.

"HUH?! what's that, moron?!"

"nothing, sorry, continue-" you apologized. what had gotten into you?

ground zero cleared his throat. "-number one pro-hero! ...it's katsuki bakugou to you."

"bakugou, i'm y/n l/n, nice to meet you! oh, and um- where are my manners? -thank you for the other day."

"don't go giving your purse to random men on the street, dumbass."

"it wasn't like that!" you protested. "i mean, what if he was going through a rough time? or, his parents kicked him out-"

"doesn't justify anything. you're so naive," he grunted. "didn't your parents teach you self-defense or anything?"

"w-well, no, not really..." you mumbled. you'd always just been their angel, delicate and thoughtful. you never wanted to disappoint them; always staying inside to clean or cater to their needs. their perfect angel. in their opinion, villains could never touch you if you never went out.

you recalled a time in your youth when deciding on a high school.

"i wanna go to ua!" you'd said. you knew a teacher willing to recommend you, so you didn't need to worry about much.

"honey, no, you can't be a hero..." your father started. "you're an angel, you're our angel, okay?"

your mom nodded. "it'll be dangerous, angel, and we can't have you getting hurt day after day," she added.

you simply agreed, not wanting to upset your parents. they were always right. being a hero wasn't worth it, anyway, you told yourself. it was an unstable job. you'd entered a private high school near the coast of japan, instead of ua.

"eh?! well, how are you supposed to fend for yourself alone?!" bakugou exclaimed.

"i'm... supposed to stay at home..." you confessed quietly.

"then why are you here?!"

"...i moved away from my family."

"and you didn't learn to protect yourself? get yourself some pepper spray, idiot!" bakugou grabbed your wrist, abruptly leading you to an aisle with pepper spray in it. he briefly paused, then picked one.

"it's on me. i can't have more morons like you to save when you could save yourself."

"thank you," you said. in all of his vulgarity, bakugou was semi-decent. you wondered why he was so on edge constantly; perhaps it was a trait from being a high-demand hero.

"HEY!" bakugou yelled, making you jump in place. "whatcha smilin' at?!"

you wiped the small grin that subconsciously crept on your face. "n-nothing."

"tch, so quiet, enko." he looked above you. "halo’s gone? fuckin' weird-ass quirk."

"could you... um... nevermind." you originally wanted to ask him to tone down the swearing, but thought better of it. the vulgarity reminded you of your uncle, and you a gagged at the thought of the disgusting man who'd occasionally crash at your family's home completely wasted.

"what? just spit it out," bakugou said. "i don't get offended, unlike deku or something."

"can you... cut down on the swearing?" you ask, then add more quickly when you see his face. "i mean, it's okay if you wanna keep doing it. i can't stop you. y'know, freedom of speech and everything."

"okay," he said with surprising composure. he didn't question the request, instead looking at you intently.

your gaze was set down, trying not to think of your uncle, and the horrors you'd gone through as a child because of him.

"i- um- sorry," bakugou forced out of himself. "i didn't mean t-"

"don't worry," you smiled cheerily. a fake smile, but you tried to convince yourself it was real.

"d'you-" he coughed, "d'you wanna talk about it?" he seemed to be going through something in his mind. "there's a park nearby - god, what did hitomi say? - we can, uh, talk it out? you can vent."

"oh no, it's fine, you're busy, a pro-hero." you said nervously.

"ah- yeah," bakugou seemed to be flustered too. "my therapist though- uh, she's really damn good- i mean, really good-" he pulls out a wallet from his pocket and sifts through cards. "here." he handed you a business card, advertising 'HITOMI YABUKI' in bold.

you blinked at him and accepted the card reluctantly. pro-heroes were really kind at heart, huh? "is she a pro-hero therapist?" you asked.

"her? no, she does other stuff. normal stuff, trauma, quirk stuff, erm- whatever you need. she's an all-rounder."

"oh." you put the card in your pocket. "okay, thank you."

he grunted, accepting the thanks. "need to buy anything else?"

you glanced at your cart. "no, that's all. thanks for everything, bakugou-"

"i'll pay," he blurted. "for it all." he looks surprised at himself, perhaps even angry. "oh, no thank you-"

"i'll do it. i mean it. you didn't even buy much," he muttered.

"o-okay," you said. he snatched your cart from your hand, walking to a self-checkout.

"weren't you gonna buy anything?" you asked.

"eh?!" he grunted while scanning items.

that was the end of the conversation. once he finished, he swiped his card and handed you a bag.

"make sure you use the damn pepper spray."

it was only once you got home that you realized he slipped his number into one of the bags.

you see bakugou again at hitomi yabuki's therapy lobby. he sat casually, earbuds on as he stared at his phone. you debated sitting next to him and decided against it, not wanting to bother him. you didn’t contact his number yet; your hands sweated at the thought. as much as you were tempted, you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of a pro-hero.

you found yourself staring at the man, who was unusually calm at the moment. you stared at his eyelashes, his eyes, down to his nose and lips, and his firm set jaw. your eyes fell to the phone he’s clutching, to the curve of his fingers and uniform nails.

"l/n y/n?" a tall woman called your name. bakugou looked up at you, and for a split second you could see what looked like a genuine smile before it was twisted into a smirk.

"yes!" you stood up and followed her, glancing back at bakugou before he disappeared from your sight. after a short elevator ride, you walked out onto the third floor.

she led you down a short, carpeted hallway to the last door. it was an opaque glass door that said "hitomi yabuki" on a plaque.

"so, what brings you here?" she finally said once the two of you were seated. "um- bakugou?" you said.

she smiled and jotted something down. "is that so?"

"yeah. we met a couple times by accident, and uh, he gave me your business card."

the rest of the session was just introductions - prices, meeting times, and therapy that can be provided. still, you weren’t really sure if you needed the therapy - maybe it’d be suited more for someone else struggling more than you. you didn’t need to use your quirk much; flying wasn’t much your style anyway. what would your parents think if they found out you were taking therapy? they’d surely be hurt, assuming that they didn’t provide a good childhood to you. you could practically hear your mom asking you why you’d waste money on therapy. you took a deep breath as you re-entered the lobby. bakugou was seating in the same place you last saw him, still on his phone. you bid goodbye to the receptionist, thinking out your decisions. your insurance could cover much of the costs for the therapy, but you still wondered if you should spend the money. these thoughts trailed you as you waited on the sidewalk for a cab, watching your breath billow in front of you.

"hey, enko."

your elbow shot out by instinct, hitting the invader of your thoughts.

"woah, idiot, it’s just me." luckily, bakugou had caught your stray elbow, chuckling to himself. "so the angel does know self-defense, eh?"

you stiffened at the pet name, though you knew bakugou meant well. you could remember each distinctive voice in your childhood. your parents beckoning: angel. your nickname: angel. how everyone saw you: angel. you could never escape it, not with your halo or wings. it was so distinctive, your defining quality. whether he noticed the shift in your posture, he didn’t say. "how was it? hitomi’s great, right?"

you hummed in response, rubbing your wings together for heat.

"are wings supposed to get cold? aren’t they just... feathers?"

your wings ruffled at the comment. you sniffed. "they’re sensitive."

"weird," bakugou muttered under his breath. for a split second, you considered smacking him with your wing, but you stopped yourself before you could execute the instinct.

your cab pulled up by the sidewalk. "that’s my ride." you smiled and waved to him as you entered the car. somewhere during the 15 minute car ride, you mustered up the courage to finally text bakugou.

who knew he was so dirty-minded, anyway? you leaned back in your car seat, exhaling. thankfully, you didn’t text the wrong number or prematurely end the conversation. so, now you were friends with a pro-hero, or so you assumed (friends texted each other, right?). the you from 10 years ago would be jumping for joy at the prospect of befriending a pro-hero, and here you were. you finally booked a therapy session for saturday at 3pm. you checked into the lobby ten minutes early, just as your parents had taught you, and took a seat in the lobby.

when it was finally your turn, you found yourself back in hitomi's office, the familar scent of vanilla and fresh linen wafting in the air.

"i hope you don't mind the scent," she said.

you shook your head. "it's fine." the fragrance was almost reassuring in a way, but you couldn’t pin point it. this time, you allowed yourself to drink in your surroundings. hitomi’s office was spacious, a large window overlooking tokyo’s snow-covered cityscape adding onto the effect. the walls followed a vertical gradient pattern of mint green and light blue decorated with paintings, hanging plants, and wooden shelves yet not in a cluttered way. in the center, against a wall, was a white couch. it had an oddly calming aura to it, as if you'd stepped into a dream outside reality.

"would you like an apple? or some water?" hitomi offered.

you weren’t really in the mood for either, but accepted the water. she gestured for you to sit on the couch.

the meeting consisted of her asking and you answering, the topic changing from family life, to your quirk, to your feelings.

"so, can you explain your quirk to me?" hitomi asked.

"well..." you gathered your thoughts. "obviously, i have wings like an angel. they don’t really do anything, though, just get sensitive to the weather. i used to have a halo when i was young, but it’s faded by now. dunno why. let’s see...." you paused. "i guess i have an inclination to help others? it’s hard for me to say no to things, honestly."

"is it because of your quirk?"

"probably," you admitted. "i’ve always been like this, i think."

"can you fly with your wings?"

"no." you sipped your water. "i guess i never learned. i’d try, but i don’t think they can support my body weight."

"how do you feel about your quirk?"

you shrugged, but then regretted it. you didn’t want to seem insensitive to all the quirkless people who could only wish for a quirk. "it’s- it’s cool, i guess. it makes me unique..." you thought back to your parents’ words, how they’d praised you for such an amazing quirk. when you used to feel bad about your quirk, they’d always remind you that there were children who’d wish to even have a quirk at all, and that you were special. your mother’s quirk allowed her to shine small rays of light through her fingertips, while your dad’s quirk gave him a wing attached to his left arm. it was pretty much useless for anything other than generating wind, considering he didn’t have a right wing to balance him out. their quirks together worked out just right to create you, their perfect angel. hitomi jotted something on her notepad.

the more you thought of it, the more you felt broken. you'd been doing therapy with hitomi for months now, and it had gotten harder and harder to emotionally process. your parents, your family, your quirk; you now saw the things for what they were.

your parents had used you. you were their doll, their perfect obedient angel, and it disgusted you. your hands felt tainted, your wings heavy weights on your back. you were revolted by yourself; looking in the mirror, you couldn't help but gag, seeing not the you of now, but the you of the past looking back at you. you couldn't sleep; tossing and turning and ruffling your wings in frustration. you couldn't stop thinking about your parents, how they restricted you from everything.

you wondered how it'd be different if your parents were better. you wondered if you'd gotten into ua and strengthened your quirk. you wondered how your reputation as a pushover would change. maybe you'd be a hero right now, helping others instead of being so irreparably broken. you could hear the catcalls from your classmates like bullets beating your wings. angel, the goody-two-shoes who couldn't say no.

not once did you cry. maybe you felt too disgusted by yourself. maybe bakugou was becoming the best friend you'd ever had.

he was there for you. making spicy curry or those awful, equally spicy instant korean noodles - he was there for you, in the same way milk is there for you when eating a particularly spicy dish. he listened to you, and you did the same for him. you laughed and joked together. somehow, in such a dark time, your friendship bloomed. it was strange, really. his reputation as a hero made him out to be aggressive and careless - and while he could brash in word choice at times, you knew he had a good heart. at one point, you’d even opened up to him about your past.

"then deku just completely f- messed up the mission! i could’ve blown up the damn guy, but he had to play mr. goody-two-shoes and just tie him up. and he got all the interview time. what’s even up with that?!"

he talked about his friends a lot. he'd deny his relationship with them being something other than strictly professional, but the way his crimson eyes would deepen gave it all away. he mainly spoke of deku and red riot (though their names would be referenced in cruder ways).

"what if- what if i was a hero?" you asked suddenly.

bakugou lifted an eyebrow. "you'd be a damn good hero if you could manage your quirk. like hawks."

"you think the public would like me?"

"duh. you're pretty, kind, AND fight villains? pretty badass. hell, if i approve of you, anyone would."

you smiled.

"why, though?" bakugou asked.

"curious. i, um, used to want to be a hero. growing up."

"your quirk has potential." bakugou leaned back on the couch. "why didn't ya become one?"

"parents." you flinched as the word passed your lips. thinking about your parents was painful, as if you had to rip off a month old bandaid before you could even get their faces into your mind. "they just... worried," you said. you didn't say anything else.

"betcha couldn't come up with a hero name as damn awesome as ground zero." "i could barely remember it," you teased.

"though, i must say, i do like enko as a hero name. it's like i'm joining an idol group."

"akb48 has nothing on you though," bakugou said.

you flushed. "i-i don't think you've looked at them properly, then."

"nah, i have, ochaco's obsessed with idol groups. don't doubt me, enko~" his voice was dangerously close, but he hadn't moved an inch from his original spot. "you're prettier than all the idols combined. tch, how low do you think my standards are?!"

"they're idol groups, bakugou, they practically rely on visuals!"

"eh? who cares? you've beaten them in looks and personality."

the thing about bakugou was that he was always completely honest with his thoughts. his integrity always amazed you, but then again, he was a pro-hero. you were quick to change the subject. "um- then-- what time is it? it must be getting late. i should get home-"

bakugou frowned. "it's late, idiot. eat before you go. i have some leftover tonkatsu and rice, and i can whip up the miso-"

"n-no, it's fine bakugou, you don't need to-"

"idiot, i can't have you starve to damn death on the ride home. eat."

even if you wanted to protest, you couldn't. bakugou's cooking was always to good to pass up, alarmingly spicy or not.

"the rice is still warm in the rice cooker," bakugou finally said, turning towards the kitchen. he knew you'd follow him, and you did.

bakugou busied himself making some instant miso soup and reheating the tonkatsu. you prepared yourself for the spicy of bakugou's tonkatsu; you'd had it once before, and it was quite painful. finally done, bakugou sat to the side of you eating tonkatsu as well, seasoning his with extra chili flakes. he was positively crazy; how did he handle such spice?

you cut yourself a strip and brought it to your lips. the tonkatsu was surprisingly tame for bakugou's cooking; it could've passed for normal restaurant tonkatsu.

"thish ish good," you said in between bites.

"i know," he gritted out, but he looked proud. "would be better with chili."

you shook your head, smiling. "never in a million years."

it was often you thought of this moment. it was so happy, so complete. it was just you and bakugou, simply being. right now, a genuine smile was something you couldn't curl your lips into, no matter how hard you tried. when you did, the taste of something salty crept into you mouth.

something salty...?

you touched your face. it was wet. your head spun, and then it dawned on you: you were crying. you were crying? your eyes focused, and pain throbbed in your head. lights shone too bright on you, heightening your headache, and a foul taste lingered in your mouth. you were suddenly aware of something solid in your hand: a drink.

something else you were aware of was how much you wanted to go home. you could barely remember what led you to a club as you fumbled in your purse for your phone, glancing at the time and unlocking the screen. all you needed to do was go home. you really wanted to go home, but where was home? home was gone. home...

a fresh wave of tears glossed your face, and you ignored the person next to you's advances. you didn't even know why you were crying. you struggled to read your contacts, dizzy, and called the first one you can make out with your hazed vision.

bakugou.

yes, all you wanted right now was bakugou. you wanted him and his warm arms, his endearing words. you wanted him so bad. you wanted him, and his warmth, and his happiness. you wanted his scent of comfort, the smile that made you feel fuzzy. you wanted his voice to shelter you precisely at that moment, you wanted to feel like it was him and you against the world.

"dumbass? hello? where are you? why is it so freaking loud? enko?"

you hadn't realized that a low quality projection of his voice was speaking on your phone.

"b-bakugou," you said, though it came out hoarsely. "bakugou."

"enko? where are you, and why are you calling at ass o'clock in the morning?"

"miss you," you almost said, but instead it came out as "dunno, you," a mix between "dunno" and "miss you."

"eh? where are you?"

you shrugged. "come here."

"send me your location, moron, and stay where you a-"

you hung up to send him your location.

you yawned and rubbed your forehead. everything was loud, everyone was together. and you were alone. it made you sad. you wanted to have somebody. a voice in the back of your head told you that you had bakugou. did you? right, he was coming. did you tell him to come?

you pressed the call button again.

"what is it?" bakugou asked roughly.

"lonelyyyy..." you moaned. "pick me up, baku...."

"idiot, i'm on my way. why the fuck are you so far from where you live?"

"hmm mmmhm," you strung together sounds. "'m sad."

"don't be." he sounded mad. he always sounded mad.

"why are you always mad at me?" you pouted.

"i'm not, dumbass! i'm pulling in."

"hmmm...!"

bakugou almost tore through the door with rage. "ENKO, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."

you hopped toward him, wobbling a bit. the floor seemed to turn under you. enko! that was you! right?

"bakuuugoooou~" you cooed, flopping into his arms. "let's sleep."

he smelled nice. his scent enveloped you, a mix of vanilla and caramel that you’d grown so accustomed to.

he stiffened. "dumbass, i can smell the alcohol on you, we’re going the fuck home."

"don’ wanna," you whined. "lonely. wanna be with youuuuu..." you nuzzled more into his chest, finding comfort in his body warmth. you didn’t want to let go, ever. "tch, fine."

the car ride to bakugou’s place was uncomfortable. cars spun by you, lights making you woozy. you almost bashed your head on the dashboard. your seat was uncomfortable, the seatbelt itched you. despite all that, you stopped to stare at bakugou in your daze, all serious and set on the road. he had nice biceps, and his side profile was a sight for sore eyes (see also: your eyes).

"what, enko?" he grunted, glancing at you.

you said the first thing that came to your mind. "you know you smell nice?"

"huh?" he glanced at you, turning in to his driveway.

well, there was no going back now. "you smell like caramel... and vanilla... it’s nice..." you sighed happily, imagining the fragrance.

bakugou didn’t reply, instead parking and unlocking the doors. "get out, dumbass, it’s past your bedtime."

"but i don’t haaaaaave a bedtime," you slurred, stumbling out of the car. bakugou mumbled a complaint before hoisting you over his shoulder. it was probably not the best move, considering the blood rushing to your head made you feel sick. after entering his house, bakugou set you down on a sofa, sitting you upright.

"stay here."

you leaned back on the sofa, feeling suddenly empty. the buzz in your head had not quite left, but the weight of the world came crashing down again. therapy, your parents, your quirk. it struck you that you were probably bothering bakugou and disturbing his sleep; he was a pro-hero after all, lives depended on his health. but here you were, ever so selfish and probably taking a toll on his health.

"drink." you hadn't realized bakugou had put a glass of water in your hands. you simply nodded and gulped it down, hoping to sober yourself up.

you stared at the man glossy eyed, glass in your hand half empty. "bakugou."

"eh?"

"sorry."

"for what?"

"y'know... waking you up... bothering you... i know you're busy, and-"

"shut up, it doesn't matter. i'd rather you here than in the hands of some douche at the club."

"but still, how would i make it up-"

"by sleeping well. off to bed you go."

he started pushing you towards the hallway. "where will you sleep?"

"sofa."

"but bakugou-"

"go to bed."

"i feel sick-"

"hah?"

a rising sensation of bile emerged in your throat. the only words you could get out of your mouth was "bathroom," before you rushed in. it was not a pretty sight - you preferred to skim over the details when recalling it. the details you did not skim over, however, were that of bakugou's care; for being awoken at ungodly hours in the morning, he was surprisingly gentle with your vomiting state, soothing your stomach with warm hands and rubbing your back. after, he gave you a glass of water and forced you to take ibuprofen, though you swore you felt fine.

bakugou's bed was surprisingly comfortable. then again, bakugou did claim to have gone to bed at 8:30 sharp daily during his high school years, so it made sense he still valued sleep.

you were then reminded how you disrupted his.

and how you were now forcing him to sleep on the sofa.

you padded out of his room, wearing one of bakugou's old shirts that he'd graciously lended you, to the living room. he was laying on his back, feet sticking out of the sofa, eyes closed.

"what?" he asked, eyes still shut.

you knew he wouldn't let you feel guilty about intruding his sleep, so you settled upon saying the next best thing. it was partially true, anyway.

"'m lonely without you." your voice came out smaller than intended.

"huh?" he sat up, groggily looking at you.

"it's- kinda cold, and y'know, with your quirk..."

he grunted and obliged, walking toward his bedroom. you stood behind him, staring at his back; that was surprisingly easy.

bakugou slept with his arms around you, so you were nestled comfortably into his chest. this position felt strangely domestic; something lovers might do nightly. but you and bakugou weren't lovers, you were friends. image of you and bakugou involved romantically faded into your mind; coffee shop dates, cooking together, waking up next to each other. there was a sudden loss of breath in your chest, as if your heart had become weightless and was lifted by a thousand of butterflies taking flight. bakugou... romantically? it hadn't crossed your mind. still, you could see it so vividly in your mind; you, becoming his dumbass, his and his only. you could imagine how he'd look at you, full of love in his eyes, and how he'd gently kiss your forehead in the morning. was it so bad to want that? the more your thoughts indulged you, the more his body warmth drowsed you, his calm breathing adding to the effect. he was practically nyquil in human form. you found yourself nodding off in his arms, not before mumbling a quiet "what if i liked bakugou?" and clutching his shirt closer to you.

you were far too engrossed in the realm of sleep to hear bakugou's faint but hopeful reply of "i'd hope so, dumbass."

at your next therapy meeting, you told hitomi about bakugou. it was unplanned, spilling out of your mouth as soon as she asked why you looked so anxious. you couldn't like bakugou. you blamed your slightly intoxicated past self for planting such a thought in your brain, but you knew it just admitted a lingering feeling from in your heart. you spared her the details of the throwing up and the guilt that gnawed at you regarding how bakugou cared for you.

"it's... childish, right? like an old schoolgirl crush," you flushed, finishing your confession.

hitomi shook her head. "it's good to feel this way, actually. it's quite healthy for a twenty-something like you to harbour such feelings; it allows you to explore your feelings and relationships healthily."

even so, crushing was so damn frustrating. it's one thing to like a person; it's a completely different experience after admitting to yourself, yes, they're my crush. when you were younger, you very rarely developed crushes (as influenced by your parents) and even less were able to act on them. but now, as an adult, you had the freedom to act (or not, considering how your nerves constantly started to act up around bakugou). you decided to push the feelings down; you were just friends, and bakugou had no time to pursue a romantic relationship.

if having a crush was like an addiction, rehab was torture for you. gone were the days of seeing bakugou as platonic; you couldn't stop your heart from swelling whenever he recounted his day to you. bakugou had now become attractive, from his tight, bulging muscles to his hard chest. it did not help that you had to see him in his hero costume flaunting those features every other day on the news.

you convinced yourself bakugou harboured nothing but platonic sentiment for you, but he never failed to send your heart aflutter with discreet compliments he hid under rough comments. you started leaving early whenever the two of your hung out under the guise of other plans (that in reality didn't exist), and tried to always cut conversations short when you bumped into each other in public. he was ground zero, pro-hero, and you were just a civilian who could barely maintain their quirk.

you were just starting your quirk therapy, but you couldn't expect major changes a week in. bakugou had said your wings looked brighter, but you assumed he just said that to make you feel better. you could hover off the ground for less than a second now, but your wing strength lacked too much to be able to do anything requiring more strength. your halo was still absent, and you couldn't figure out how to make it reappear. there hadn't been much research done on the essence of halos; hitomi said not to worry about it regardless.

flap flap flap.

"oi, dumbass, you're gonna create a tornado in here."

flap flap flap.

"i'm practicing flying."

"well, you're going nowhere. d'you want me to call hawks or something?" flap flap flap.

you turned to bakugou, folding your wings neatly. he had the same expression as always, slightly disapproving and tired. your eyes meet his momentously; but they fall down immediately to his lips. lately, this kind of thing had been happening often. bakugou acted like he didn't notice you'd been different lately, but you could tell he wanted an explanation.

you acted on your impulse, your mouth opening and words tumbling from your mouth.

"bakugou- idon'twanttoruinourfriendshipbutijustwannasayitnow- ilikeyou."

"what?" why did you do that?

if this were a texting conversation, you'd leave him on read. if this was a tweet, you'd make your account private. if this was a video call, you'd end it.

alas, this was real life, so you resorted to the next closest thing: you ran. you ran faster than any shoujo girl and with more conviction than any shounen boy, and then you were lost. damn cities.

panting on the sidewalk, wings heaving up and down, you realized what you did. staring at the edge of the pavement, where the curb met the street, hands on your knees, it hit you.

you cussed and yelled at yourself mentally, and though a small part doubted bakugou even heard you, you didn’t allow yourself to have hope. it was game over. you let your feelings override rational thought, and you ruined what was arguably the best thing going on in your life.

you were interrupted by an itch in your feathers from being so cramped while folded. they ruffled against the cool air, distraught. you stretched them out, observing your surroundings and allowing yourself to cool down. the breeze was a satisfying sensation against your feathers, and you hovered just a moment when they flapped.

"mommy, wings!" a kid passes you on the sidewalk, pointing. his mother hushes him, but you smile at him.

the next few days were rough, particularly because you were avoiding bakugou. it was definitely not a good idea, but it was a temporary patch over the open part of your heart.

this was not one of your healthy coping mechanisms.

did he text you? did he call you? you didn’t know, because you turned off your notifications. you knew you were just making things more awkward, even more so if he hadn’t heard you at all. it gave you all the more excuse to ignore him longer.

now, with evenings to yourself, your mind wandered more. your thoughts drifted into a vast desert of tangled constellations in your mind, tightropes you’d tread that would lead you to a random destination. sometimes it led you to random memories - other times, it wasn’t as random, leading you to painful manifestations in your heart. these were the things you tried so hard to ignore, but rang so true.

you were reminded by the constellations in your mind that you were being terribly selfish to bakugou; not even considering his feelings. bakugou didn't deserve you. maybe stars twinkled in your mind, but the bluest ones burned you to the touch. you needed to get over bakugou.

that wasn’t to say it didn’t hurt, trying to get over bakugou. the stars in your mind dimmed, and perhaps, at one point, the constellations were reduced to thread; knotted, tangled, and hopeless.

maybe it was better when the string had been unkempt, because now it unraveled. you cried, and cried; in the shower, at your desk, doing chores. tears, hot and sharp like newly shapen diamonds, dripped down your face. your face was permanently marked by the wounds the diamonds left, and contrary to the stars, your eyes were red and hot. your thoughts unwound like string - there was a clear pathway now, but it was tainted by the shape of the knots there had once been.

everything hurt when you thought of bakugou. your swollen eyes became lifeless as memories of him overtook you. they controlled you. you missed therapy session after session, too scared to go to the place which bakugou had connected you to. sometimes, you’d sprawl across the ground, stare into your ceiling, and feel yourself vanish into something, a dark void of nothingness. he had cared so much for you - too much. why had he? why couldn’t he have left you, that one day you were almost robbed? why couldn’t you just have stayed the way you were? why did you have to find the truth in things? ignorance was a bliss you woke yourself from. ignorance, the dream which from you woke to find a nightmare, reality. why did he have to be him, the stupid pro-hero with a heart that bled kindness into yours? why couldn’t he have stayed a two-dimensional public figure, the careless and angry ground zero? why did he have to be in your goddamn life and ruin it, entangle everything into one big mess? you hated him. you hated him and his stupid endearing insults, him and his rugged smirk that pained your heart so, him and his eyes that held sparks and diamonds and you. deep inside, you knew it wasn’t true; hate was just a name for an indefinably strong feeling you had for him. you knew you didn’t hate him, you knew you couldn’t hate him. you told yourself you did to distance yourself from him. the distance between you and he only grew. your memories were tarnished with pain, his image blurry and wrinkled in your eyes. katsuki bakugou was just someone, no one.

this was the feeling of agony, this was the sight of pure hell, and this was the sound of you burning your heart. distance between you and the man named katsuki bakugou grew, as did your descent into pure madness.

until the distance between you and he was less than a metre.

you had not bothered to tame your hair; it was a bit overgrown and sprouted a couple split ends. you were dressed in a stained shirt, your face not even mentionable, and your heart was beating in your ears. you felt yourself dragged quite forcefully down to sanity, as if opening the door suddenly put gravity into effect.

because here he was, katsuki bakugou in all of his perfect glory, standing on your doorstep.

the little shit refrained from making a comment about your current state, but you could see the comment appearing in his eyes and vanishing as soon as it came. you watched his eyes go from the state of your face down to your unkempt attire. he, on the other hand, looked unaffected. he was sporting a t-shirt and jeans, hands shoved into his pockets. the only indicator, which was minuscule at best, that he had changed at all was the red at the corners of his eyes and slight eyebags. he looked shocked at the sight of you.

"y/n..." you almost fainted on the spot.

you weren’t not jumping for joy in ecstasy at the sight of him, and you didn’t feel like a shoujo protagonist at the moment. it was something different.

"again," but your voice was too hoarse to be heard. your mouth opened and closed, you coughed, and repeated yourself. "s-say it again."

"huh?!" it was nice to know someone hadn’t changed after all that time.

"my- my name..."

"eh? enko."

you sighed, your face indifferent. you weren’t exactly disappointed by his reply; it brought memories upon memories of happier times with him.

"well, what do you want?" you asked, rubbing the side of your face.

"what- what the fuck is going on?" he gestured to you. "i should be asking about you. what the f- what happened to you?!"

"i-"

"enko, i don’t get any of this shit. this relationship crap. what do you want me to do?! first, you act weird as shit- because of what?! i don’t fuckin’ know. you avoid me - don’t think i didn’t notice - and then suddenly you spew shit and leave?! i don’t see you for a goddamn week, you don’t answer your damn calls or texts, and suddenly i’m the damn villain and i’m supposed to give you time or shit to figure things out, and when i can finally fucking see you, you look like actual crap?! hell, i should be the one with deteriorating mental health with all of the bull you put me through! if you want something, if you don’t wanna be friends or shit, just goddamn say it to my face! i’m not good with people, enko, goddamnit! tell me what’s wrong!"

you stood in shock. relationship..? you shook his words away. you hadn’t realized how much this took a toll on bakugou, too. he looked away - something glinted in his eyes, but you couldn’t tell exactly what.

"god-fucking-damnit," he grumbled. "...are ya gonna let me in, or what?! it’s cold out here!"

you didn’t think about how bakugou’s quirk involved producing heat, and let him in unreluctantly, stepping aside. "sorry," you mumbled.

he took off his shoes, and you motioned for him to sit down on your couch.

"explain it to me," he demanded. "what in the goddamn world has happened tot you? did someone do this to you?!"

you refrained from saying technically, it was you, and settled on: "no." it was apparent he hadn’t heard you that day. "just- it’s nothing. i was being stupid, a-and i’m okay now." it was a lie.

"do you take me as an idiot?" he asked. gears shifted in his eyes. "sit down," he said, suddenly calm.

you did so, sitting as farthest as you could from him.

"closer," he gritted out. you scooted a centimetre. "closer." another centimeter. "clo-ser." he pulled you so you were sitting angled toward him, knee brushing his.

"baku...gou?" so many questions flashed in your mind.

"confirm something for me," he ordered. "what exactly did you say to me before running away?"

"i- nothing. it was nothing, i told you, bakugou."

"tell. me. i don’t care if you quoted freud, told me a failed joke, or what. tell me."

your mind was devoid of possible jokes you could use to lie.

you opened your mouth, forcing the words out with all your might. "i don’t remember the specifics," you rambled. "i don’t think i was in the right state of mind-"

"spit it out."

"i think it went something like ‘i like you’ or something?" your pitch rose with every syllable.

"tch," a smile was on his face. "thought so." his hand was suddenly on your cheek, and his lips were on yours. he tasted like caramel. your eyes widened, and you pulled away, sputtering.

"what? what d’you mean, ‘thought so’?!"

"idiot, i like you too. also, when did you last brush your teeth?"

"i- that doesn’t matter. bakugou... i don’t think that this relationship is good for us. as friends or whatnot."

"huh? why not?"

"look at me. look at you. i can barely handle my quirk, and you’re a pro-hero who uses his quirk to help people. i can’t really do anything."

he mumbled something under his breath. "enko, do you think i care about any of that? i don’t care if you have the strongest quirk in the world or none at all. you’re strong - and i don’t say this ‘cause i like you - you’re kind, you see the best in people." he paused. "people don’t give me the time of day ‘cause they think i’m too irrational. brash. careless. but you? you see past that, you don’t care. you work hard no matter what people say. people-" his voice caught in his throat, "people say shit to you, and you don’t care. you keep going."

he saw you... like that? your face heated up.

"don’t be gettin’ all shy on me," he grunted. "tch. come here." he pulled you in for a hug, his arms wrapping around you and narrowly avoiding your wings. you flushed, holding him tight and inhaling his caramel scent. you squeezed your eyes shut, wishing to hold him like this forever.

“hey, enko,” he whispered into your ear. you looked at him, who was currently looking up and pointing. “halo.”

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