#so I told them I identify as somewhere between girl and non binary on the gender spectrum | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seriouslyinfandoms · 3 years

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Alix Discovers

hi! i decided to write a short story about alix discovering their gender identity. i wouldve done it on wattpad, but since this is a short story i didnt really bother. hope you enjoy!

Hi. The name's Alix. I'm 14 (nearly 15) years old and go to Collège Françoise Dupont high school in Paris, France. I've always been open to the idea of exploring, but besides discovering I was aro-ace at age 12, I had never really bothered with anything else. I just like going with the flow, ya know?

It all started when school got let out one day. Nathanael and his romantic partner, Marc, had invited me to Nath's house for studying. Now I'm not that crazy about studying with people, considering I have ADHD and personally work better alone, but Nath is my best friend, so I couldn't turn him down.

We entered the cozy home and went up to Nath's bedroom, closing the door behind us. Marc pulled out his books from his bag and opened them. Nath did the same and so did I. It was hard, but we got a pretty good amount of studying done. I felt relived as I closed my English book and flopped onto Nathanael's bed, exhausted.

'I'll be right back guys. I'm getting snacks. Any requests?' Nathanael asked, opening his door.

We told him what we wanted and he left the room. There was a silence.

"So Alix, I've never asked you this, but what are your pronouns? I want to make sure I don't get them wrong." Marc asked politely. The question made me feel weird...

"What do you mean?"

"Like what do you want to be addressed as? She? Him? They?"

"Oh ummm... I'm a girl."

Ugh.

I internally cringed at calling myself a girl. But why? I didn't know.

"Okay, cool. I was just asking because I use all pronouns," Marc said.

"Wait... you can do that?"

Marc chuckled. "Of course! People who use any pronouns can be called various things. I personally identify as genderfluid."

Wow. I had never known you could have so many genders.

"Can I be honest with you Marc?' I asked nervously. He nodded with a smile. 'Well... I don't feel like I belong... as a girl, I mean... I just- I don't know. I always cringe at being called a 'she' and receiving feminine complements. But I've always thought that was normal..."

Marc smiled. "It's okay to be different Alix. I myself have always known I wasn't strictly male. Sometimes I want to be called handsome. Other times I want to be called pretty. Gender is a fluid thing. At the moment, I'm comfortable using he. But that could easily change, from 5 seconds to 4 days. I never know when though."

Wow.

"But... what if I feel like I'm neither a boy or a girl?"

"Well do you feel like you're neither, or somewhere in between?"

I thought for a second.

"Somewhere in between, definitely."

Marc had a huge smile on his face.

"Alix, I think the word you're looking for is Non Binary."

Before I could reply, Nath entered the room with a mountain of goodies.

Marc and I laughed and pulled out some macarons from the snack pile.

"So what did you guys talk about while I was gone?" Nath asked while unwrapping a piece of chocolate.

"Well... he helped me discover myself more..."

"Oh? How so?"

I took a deep breath, looking at Marc for support. He nodded.

"Nathanael... I'm Non Binary."

Nath's eyes widened as he pulled me into a tight hug. Marc joined the hug.

"So then. What are your pronouns?"

"They/them. My pronouns are They/them."

HEY I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT!<3 make sure to let me know what i can improve on:) also, follow me on wattpad @ seriouslyafangirl

ILY!!- Lev

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whindsor · 3 years

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the trials of online dating, pt 1

so @witchofinterest asked about mika and bucky meeting online, as is alluded to in the first episode of falcon and winter soldier, and, well...here’s part one oops!

After hours of research and thought and more research and more thought, Bucky decided HiLove was the best option. The general consensus on the forums was that people were looking for something more than a hookup, and it was an app that only allowed those identifying as female or non-binary to send the first message after a reciprocating match. The very, very small part of him that remained in 1943 balked at this, but the more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. His entire past was a quick Google search away; his potential matches deserved to know, and he didn’t want to feel the sting of rejection if they found out the hard way. A win-win.

At least, as much of a win as an ex-hydra-super-soldier was going to get.

It was all Dr. Raynor’s idea, and it wasn’t his favorite, but he was willing to jump through the hoops and say all the right things so that he could be done with this probationary period and move on with his life.

He did his best filling out the profile. Age? 106. Interests? Well he couldn’t very well put knives and psychotherapy, so instead he put hiking, technology, and reading. Job? That was easy. Former military. He didn’t need to put that he originally got drafted in the 40s, and spent the last however many years as the fist of a rogue military organization; that would be part of the Google search. He put his real name, because Dr. Raynor made him, and clicked okay. He’d been avoiding this for weeks now, and if he didn’t at least have it up whenever he saw her later that day, she would write in that stupid notebook like those scientists used to.

This was a terrible idea.

This was the worst idea.

Somehow the goddamn push notifications got turned on, and within the hour the app started going off. He eyed his phone for the first few minutes before giving in a swiping it open.

Mistake number two.

A woman in her 50s messaged him, and apparently he had to swipe a certain way to see this message. Once he saw the message - and the photos attached to it - he nearly threw his phone against the wall. Back when he last dated, in 1943, he thought he appreciated a bold woman. Bold by today’s standards was a little more than he was ready for.

He was afraid to open the app after that, and so he just let his phone sit and buzz while he watched the EuroCup matches and counted down the minutes until his appointment. There were other things he could do to occupy his time, like visit the sushi shop or the library. But that seemed overwhelming, so instead he sat on the floor and watched his games until it was finally time to go into the clinic.

“So, James,” Dr. Raynor started, crossing her legs and pretending to be casual. Bucky sat with his hands clasped, his knee bouncing as he readied himself for the interrogation. Or therapy, as they called it. “Anything new to report today?”

“Well, I tried that dating app thing you told me to do,” he said. If he started with this, then maybe he could take up enough of the time with the bullshit and avoid having to talk about stupid stuff, like what he thought about during his panic attacks or whether his arm still hurt. The look on Dr. Raynor’s face said she didn’t believe him.

“Oh yea? Which one?” she asked, her voice just as convincing as her face.

“HiLove. Seemed the best option,” Bucky said, hoping that was the right answer. She raised her eyebrows.

“Well, it wasn’t a bad move,” she said. “Any matches so far?”

He allowed one bark of a laugh before schooling his features again. “One woman, uh, wanted my appraisal of her physical appearance.”

“She sent you a nude.”

“She - what?”

“She sent you a nude. A nudie, a dirty picture, a-“

“Yea, yea, I get it,” he interrupted, not wanting to beat the dead horse. “Yea, she sent me ‘a nude’.”

“Any others?”

“Any others what?”

“Don’t be stupid,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Did any other women send messages? Or nudes?”

“I don’t know, I stopped looking after the first one,” he said. Oftentimes he lied to Dr. Raynor, but this time he could be truthful. She sighed, holding her hand out and beckoning with her fingers. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and handed it over, watching as she easily keyed in his passcode. Casual security breach. That was fine. That totally wasn’t something that kept him up at night.

“Oh Jesus Christ,” she muttered, expertly swiping through the notifications. She moved a little too easily, as if she were familiar with the app. He decided not to comment on that. “Alright, James, we gotta filter some of the shit outta here.”

“I’d prefer to filter all the shit, but that’s just me,” he said. This was a stupid exercise, but at least it was manageable, and it would keep her occupied for a while.

“Too young, too young, way too young…” Was Dr. Raynor talking to herself or to him? It didn’t matter. She kept swiping. “Chaser, chaser, catfish…ah, here’s a good one.” She opened the profile and handed it over to him.

“She’s also way too young,” he said, looking at the picture of a beautiful woman. Dark hair, dark eyes, bright smile…someone that definitely would catch his eye, if he didn’t feel the weight of his past keeping his head down.

“She’s thirty-three.”

“That’s, like, a third of my age.”

“Well, if we discount all the times you were in ice, really you’re somewhere in the thirty-five to thirty-seven range. That’s not a bad gap.”

He glared up at her for a moment before going back to the profile. He furrowed his brows as he read further. “She’s Romanian.”

“Ah, you finally noticed that, did you?” she said, and he could hear the gloating in her voice. “What, is she not your type?”

“I don’t think I have a type anymore.”

“Then swipe and see what happens.”

“I don’t know, Doc,” he said, shaking his head. This was not how it was supposed to go.

“Don’t know what?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. He shrugged, looking off to the side. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her slide the notebook off the table.

“Oh, c’mon, Doc, that’s not notebook worthy,” he said. She paused her pen, but still tapped it threateningly against the paper.

“Then tell me what you ‘don’t know’ about matching with that woman,” she said.

“I haven’t been on a date in eighty years, I think a little trepidation is normal even without the shit I’ve dealt with between now and then,” he said. “It just doesn’t feel right going into something without…without the other person knowing the full story.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you a virgin, James?”

“No.” What did that have anything to do with it? “Why?”

“Just making sure I have the full story,” she said. “So you don’t want to chance anything cause they don’t know everything about you.”

“Well…”

“Counterpoint: do you know everything about her?”

He gave her an annoyed look, the matching sensation bubbling behind his sternum. “It’s not the same, and you know it.”

She sighed again, scribbling something down. Inside, he wanted to rip the notebook from her hands. On the outside, he just glanced down at his phone. The screen had darkened from lack of activity, and he tapped it to wake up again. The same pretty woman smiled up at him, the little pink bar waiting for him to confirm or deny their connection.

“Want me to do it for you?” Dr. Raynor asked, her pen now still. “Cause I will.”

“I can do it, thank you,” he said. “I just don’t know if I want to.”

“Bullshit, James,” she said. “She’s a pretty girl, and it’s online. You can ghost her if you get too scared. It’s an asshole move, but technically it’s an option.”

He’s a ghost story.

“I’m not gonna do that to anyone,” he said.

“What, ghost them? Or burden them?” she asked, leaning forward and resting her elbow on her knee.

“Either. Both.” Again, with the honesty. Idiot move.

“James, listen,” she said, making him look up at her. Her tone was gentle - at least, Dr. Raynor version of gentle. “Everyone has baggage. You’ve gotta start unloading some, or you’re gonna end up getting crushed by it. The worst has already happened to you. Sometimes, if you want the good stuff, you have to go out and get it.”

Bucky stared down at the phone, wishing that it was just the jitters that he felt instead of a cold stone of dread. The worst had already happened to him, a thousand times over. Would rejection feel like nothing, or would it break him?

Well, Dr. Raynor was right. He wouldn’t know unless he tried.

“Alright, Mika Corsof,” he said, swiping the pink arrow. “Let’s see what happens.”

#online dating au #thank you leaf!!!!#i'm gonna have too much fun with this #mucky

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rieson · 4 years

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@eternalreverie-acestan submitted; Hai I apologize if I’m not doing this correct I’m still new to tumblr but may I request a matchup for one piece? im rev I’m an afab non-binary enfp 5’7. 112ibs(underweight so I’m scrawny) I have black dyed hair that wavy pale skin I would say I’m quiet and reserved when not comfortable or used to someone and in large crowds but when I’m with friends or ppl I trust I’m a bit of a loose cannon I pull pranks , explore random places , and will do anything suggested or dared of me. sorry again if I did this wrong.

hello !! I'm glad to find another fellow afab enby here hehe, thank you for requesting mx. rev, i match you up with . . .

word count; 997

Sabo !

When you first joined the revolutionary army, you weren't really the talkative type, leaving alot of things unknown about you.

Knowing that, Sabo did his best to get to know a fellow revolutionary better!

He'd start being subtle about it but that went out of the window after the first few days since he couldn't contain his usual calm-but-feral attitude for long.

Hell he even asked Dragon for information about you-

Dragon only raised an eyebrow at him. (Dammit)

Taking a shaky breath, Sabo finally knocked on Dragon's office door.

He waited for a few seconds to go by before he heard a small 'Come in.'

He did as told and peeked a head inside the room before walking in and shutting the door.

"Is there something you need, Chief of Staff?" Dragon asked with his usual monotone voice, but you can hear curiosity if you listen closely.

"I-Uh" Sabo stammered.

Dragon looked at him.

"Doyou...know about that new revolutionary girl Rev?"

"Yeah..Is there something wrong with Rev?"

"Uh No!- Wait no not really- I just wanted to know a bit information about er because she seemed uncomfortable whenever i approached her, i was only trying to be friends I swear!-"

After awhile though, Sabo did end up befriending you and was able to hold a proper conversation with you.

You told him that you identified as an Enby and he'd be supportive of it!

He will although apologize for misgendering you for the past few weeks he's been trying to befriend you.

You'd tell him it's okay and you don't mind using any pronouns but he'd insisted he'll use they/them from now on.

Sabo isn't the overly protective type but seeing you, he really can't help but do so.

He can and will use your preferred pronouns and defend you or 'kindly' correct someone whenever they misgender you.

But if they misgender you on purpose?

Hoo boy, let's just say that's another body to be putted 6ft underground ^^

God knows how many times he's given someone a glare for misgendering you.

Would often comfort you with small gestures after that happens!

Ex; Back rubs, telling you that you're valid, and others.

"Is that your girlfrie?-"

"Partner. They're my partner, Rev uses they/them pronouns." Sabo answers with a venomous tone with a small smile just as the question comes out of the strangers mouth.

The stranger shivers at the tone Sabo sent his way.

"R-Right! And what would you lovely couple like to get?"

Turning his head towards your direction, he sent a genuine smile, "What would you like for lunch Rev?"

Smiling back at your blonde boyfriend, you scanned the menu and said "Can i...get [favorite food]?"

Sabo nodded, adverting his gaze to the vendor back again, "1 [favorite food] and 3 bowls of ramen please."

Oh man, you and sabo isn't really the best duo to get paired with in missions.

Due to your curious nature (wanting to explore random places you've never seen before), you both usually get reeled into sticky situations before you both even know it.

Koala hates it.

You and Sabo loves it.

Ah !! And regarding your curious nature, Sabo likes to take you on exploring dates !!

You'd both probably go somewhere you and Sabo agreed to explore on, and you'll either come back with nothing but scratches or piles souvenirs, no in-between.

Dragon and Koala scolds you but does nothing to stop you both, so you and your boyfriend just keep doing it.

"Oh my god, i swear i'm gonna get white hairs soon if you both keep doing this" Koala pinched the bridge of her nose as she lets out an irritated huff.

"Oh, I thought you were already a grandm- OW!" Sabo winced as Koala pinched both of his cheeks, stretching them unnaturally long.

"Shut up! Why did you even give consent to this?!"

Sabo squirmed under her piercing gaze, looking towards you for help as you crossed your arms signaling an ❌ sign, indicating that no; you won't help him get out of this situation.

You still had a life to live ! Let Sabo handle Koala's scary outbursts; nope, you aren't gonna get in the middle of it.

Sabo merely sent you a look of betrayal in return.

Also, you have a special corner filled with polaroids or the souvenirs you and sabo gathered while exploring in your office !!

When new revolutionaries come inside your office to send in their reports, they'll usually eye at the weird oh so fabulous displays of rocks, hats, sunglasses, polaroids of sabo being an idio- for awhile, but most of them chose to ignore it to respect your privacy.

But, there are also some nosy revolutionaries who had enough confidence to ask about said corner

Yes Iva I'm looking at you

"Ooh, what's this Rev-san? Oh my! Sabo-boy looks hilarious in these!" Iva spoke out as they eyed the polaroids one by one, snorting every so often.

Leaning back against your chair and stretching your arms til' you heard a satisfying 'pop!' sound, you turn towards Iva, "Oh those? It's a collection of things me and sabo gathered during our exploration dates!"

Iva sighs happily, "Ah, teenagers these days are so romantic!~"

You giggled in response.

Oh yeah, Sabo loves to hug you from behind and just dwarf your body with his height lol

At occasions where both you and sabo don't have any missions at the moment, (which is rare but there are times like these) he'll suggest playing truth or dare with you, not knowing about your chaotic side.

And hoo boy, it usually leads to an all-out prank war between you both (SOMEHOW)

Poor Koala and Hack has to clean up after you and your boyfriend's mess all the time.

Also, Sabo would try and help you dye your hair back whenever it fades, it ends messily but hey atleast he tried.

Sabo loves you; and could never ask for more.

acK i had a hard time matching you up with someone because the whole time i was switching between op characters, deciding which would fit with you more.

so, i apologize if sabo isn't the most compatible! although, this is only my take on who would balance well for you.

note; this isn't proofread, so i apologize for any grammatical errors.

#one piece meme #meme one piece #one piece fanfiction #one piece fanfic #one piece headcanons #op headcanons #op x reader #sabo x reader #sabo the revolutionary #chief of staff sabo #revolutionary army #koala op #monkey d dragon #one piece imagine #one piece scenarios #matchups #submitted

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phxntomx11 · 3 years

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Society is a Hypocrite

‘What does non-binary mean?’ Reading the sentence fear gripped their gut as they began to panic. One sentence and it felt like their world was beginning to crumble. To their family they presented as the sex they were born, to their close friends they were not so scared to hide who they knew they were. An individual who did not solely fit into what society deemed “male” and did not fit into what society deemed “female,” instead they existed somewhere in between. Their personality was more fluid, existing in the space of the two but without strong ties to one or the other. They were most comfortable as being the “in-between,” as being what many call non-binary.

‘What do you mean?’ The method was to play dumb, maybe it was just a mistake.

‘In your TikTok bio, it says non-binary. What does it mean?’ Now the panic was spiking and so was the feeling of lack of common sense. Their parent had just downloaded the app, of course they were gonna be a suggested friend. The scary thought of how apps could suggest them as a friend to a family member without looking one another up was pushed to the back of their mind as they tried to come up with what to say next. What to do next.

Should they just make a new bio and pretend it never existed? That it never happened? Should they push their fear aside and explain what it meant? What felt like hours was only minutes as they weighed their options. Logically they knew that this scenario was better than what some others in their community had faced when “coming out” even with an accidental coming out.

‘Think of it like how everyone used to say I’m a tomboy.’ This was the best they could do with their anxiety bubbling in their stomach. ‘It's kind of like that, just a different way of saying it.’

There was not a reply for a short time before they decided to just go for it. Rather than continue the conversation through text they were going to do their best to explain what the term meant to them through a phone call. It would be easier to discern the emotion from the other end, it would be easier to decide where their parent was with the new information.

“Hi, sorry I thought it would just be easier to talk rather than text.” That wasn’t a lie but it certainly was not helping their anxiety any. Now they would be able to tell what their parent was going to think of them. “The way I interpret non-binary is the same as how I interpret being called a ‘tomboy.’”

“Remember how I’ve mentioned that gender does not have to be based on sex, more so how someone feels they fit?”

“Yeah.” Their parent’s tone was indifferent. “Does this mean you’re transgender?”

“Not at least with how I use the term. To me, its just like I mentioned before about being a tomboy, but now the term non-binary is used.” There was a pause again as they tried to think of what to say next to avoid the rambling that was going to ensue. “Does that...does it make sense?”

“I think I understand.” The tone was still neutral, but their anxiety was starting to ease. They knew both of their parents may not understand it completely. Their parents were still a little confused with the LGBTQ+ community with how the community had been shunned and criminalized when their parents were growing up. Nowadays it was more prevalent in news headlines, articles, and social media platforms. It was easier for people to ignore the LGBTQ+ community in the past and to sweep it under the rug.

The conversation then changed to how their day went and how their classes were and while the anxiety was subsiding there was still that fear in the pit of their stomach. To their parents they presented in one way, it was easier to just be what their parents expected and nothing else. It avoided the awkward conversations and the possible ways their parents may look at them. They were not being truthful to themself, they knew that. But until they were ready, or thought their parents would be ready, they had deemed it best to wait. To keep their two identities separate. Their friends would know their preferred pronouns and their preferred name, whether abbreviated or a new one altogether, their parents would still just know them as the child they raised.

They are too afraid to come out completely because they do not know how their parents would treat them. After this conversation they had changed their TikTok bio and went through their other social media to make sure the bios were blank there too. It was to sweep themself under the rug now too. To pretend it never happened and just carry on like normal. Eventually the conversation would be forgotten and the walking on eggshells would eventually end. But it wouldn’t completely. There was no saying if it would happen again and if it did how it would happen the next time. The fear had passed for the moment but the future could hold possible times again, and maybe not just to their parents but to their other family members as well.

Not everyone was going to understand it the way they did. Some have been raised to be closed-minded in certain ways. For now they were going to be able to breath again. For now they would be more quiet when it came to certain topics, at least until the initial scare completely blew over. While they feared the outcome they were still aware of the fact that it played out much better than some other coming out stories they had heard. While it was only one parent that knew, it had been enough to scare them into thinking that this would be it. That they would either be rejected from the family or treated a different way, but the rejection did not come and the different treatment did not come either. They were fortunate.

They were fortunate that their parent did not reject them or did not treat them differently. Some are lucky enough to have families that support one wholeheartedly. That no matter what their family would love and cherish them like a family should. That something like the way they identified would not change the way they were loved or cared for by their family. That something like gender identity would not drive a wedge between them and the people that raised them, that helped them become who they are. They were fortunate and they knew that. Not everyone would be met with what they were met with. The idea that their gender identity would make their family reject them had been driving their anxiety through the conversation. That just because they did not fit what so many deemed “normal” they could lose their family. They were lucky.

--{}--

Society is a hypocrisy. Bold words for a sentence that only has four, but think about it. From the moment someone is told the sex of their child, that identity becomes that child. From the moment the doctor identifies the sex that child is automatically viewed in a certain way. Pink for girls, dolls, dresses, small kitchen kits, princesses, and the pre-existing notion that this child will be kind and mature for their age. Blue for boys, trucks, baseballs, footballs, racecars, superheroes, and the already existing idea that this child will be into more “aggressive” things and is allowed to mature more slowly because “boys will be boys.” Society dictates that from the moment a child’s sex is revealed than their whole life could be planned out from that moment. A girl will always be referred to as a girl even when they are said to be mature for their age. A boy will be called a man the moment someone feels it necessary even if that child is still immature. Society tries to force people into boxes, but it is in the moment that an individual does not fit that society becomes a hypocrite.

Gender is what society dictates. Gender is what society attempts to fit in little boxes with perfect bows and name tags for everyone. Gender is where society instructs that those who behave in this way are boys and those that behave in this way are girls. Growing up a girl can be called a “tomboy” because that child has personality characteristics that are deemed “masculine.” Growing up a girl can have more freedom in personality but society is at ease because it is probably just a phase that she will grow out of. Growing up a boy cannot have a doll because society deems it a “girl’s” toy, even though society also deems that this boy has children when he is older, that this boy will be responsible for another living individual but he cannot have access to the toys that may represent that future individual.

Society lays out what it believes are personality traits for males or females, and for an individual however many boxes they have checked off dictates how society views them. This is where sex and gender are two different things. Sex is biological, and even then an argument could be made that it is still a social construct. Biologically speaking there are three main categories: male, female, and intersex. Gender is primarily a social construct, it is the small boxes that society tries to place everyone into with pretty bows and name tags. Gender can be anything. That child that is referred to as a “tomboy” can self identify as non-binary, as not fitting into a neat box because they check off traits from each category that society dictates.

Society exists on the back of cisnormative ideals. Cisnormativity is the preconceived notion that everyone is only either male or female and that sex and gender is one. Cisnormativity dictates the idea of the binary, that there are only two options. If someone is cis then their gender identity agrees with the sex they were born. If someone is trans or not cis then their gender identity contradicts their deemed biological sex. We are human, we are not meant to fit into little boxes. Growing up we are told that we can be whatever we want, that we can be whoever we want. That growing up is when we find out who we are. But when one openly challenges and refuses to fit in a box, we no longer can be what we want to be, we can no longer be who we want to be all because we looked at what society assumed and decided we fit into something else.

Society is a hypocrite on more than one account. Another account, the claim “it's to protect our children.” Some numbers to consider the next time you hear or say this phrase. The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization focused on preventing suicide in LGBTQ+ youth, conducts a national survey on LGBTQ+ youth every year. In 2020 the survey found that more than half of non-binary and transgender youth (52%) considered suicide and 21% had attempted suicide. The same 2020 study saw that 38% of transgender and non-binary youth experienced housing instability and of that 38%, 34% had attempted suicide.

The topic of sex and gender comes with different opinions, understandings, and stories. Even now I probably lost a good chunk of you at the beginning of this, but if you made it this far then I hope you at least come away with a slightly more open mind. Transgender and non-binary individuals, as well as other LGBTQ+ youth, face discrimination and harassment daily. To be who they want to be, to be who they are most comfortable being, to be who they truly are can be a death sentence. We have to do better, every last one of us has to do better.

Important Information:

TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386

TrevorText: text START to 678-678

Or go online at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/ to chat online

Reference

Paley, A. (2020). The Trevor Project National Survey 2020. The Trevor Project - Saving Young LGBTQ Lives. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Introduction.

#non-binary #transgender #lgbtqia #lgbtqplus #sex vs gender #sociologyassignment

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thehmn · 6 years

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There are a lot of alien races in the Marvel Cinematic Universe but we know very little about most of them at this point. We do visit a few of their home worlds though, so I thought it would be fun to take a look at how they each treat gender and sex. Keep in mind, I will be going by movie canon, but with an eye on the comic canon if there’s anything in the movies to support it.

The Sovereign

This race doesn’t exist in the comics. Adam and Ayesha were created by rogue human scientist so there’s no culture to speak of. The only thing that’s a little interesting about them with regards to gender is that Ayesha was originally a man. He broke out of his birthing pod too early and appeared as a silver man, then re-podded himself and reemerged many years later as Ayesha. That would imply that all people created this way spend a stage as silver men, then turn into golden men, and if left long enough in the pod becomes golden women.

The movie makes up a society from whole cloth. We often talk about how gender is a construct, and that seems doubly true for the Sovereign. They create all their members in birthing pods and consider sex dirty, so they have no reason to continue making men and women. They could make one perfect, sexless gender but for some reason they consider it important to keep up the appearances of gender, even though gender seem to play a very small part in most Sovereign’s lives.

But there is one small thing that hints to gender inequality. They say that fighting and physical conflict is degrading and below them, so it’s interesting that all their guards are male and at the top of their community sits a woman (we know she answers to someone but not who they are). On all other levels of society men and women seem equal, even dressing largely the same, but women won’t lower themselves to the level of physical fighting, only remote controlled space battles. Again, if it’s because men are stronger they could just make stronger women, but no. That implies men are considered to be slightly lower than women.

With regards to sex, it’s implied that they want to be asexual but for some reason haven’t been able to breed out sexual desire completely, so they probably have a very shame based culture where they shame each other into staying “pristine”.

Xandarians

This race is very human in both looks and culture and are what I’d call “soft fascists”. They are benevolent and love their interracial nuclear families but rule with an iron fist, politicians and soldiers wear the same outfits, and while everything appears good on the surface they also run a barbaric prison which they know is an overcrowded hellhole filled with rape and murder but continue to put people in it anyway (Btw, did anyone else notice that even though they lump men and women together in the prison, the men still direct their sexual violence at each other?). Their head of state is a woman so women can clearly make it to the top, but they are seemingly required to wear dresses and high heels, and we don’t see a single female guard, soldier or police officer.

Frost Giants and Dark Elves

A quick one. I lump them together because we never see any women from either race. We know there are female Frost Giants and Dark Elves in the comics but like I said earlier, the movies have their own canon, so that could mean any number of things. Maybe they don’t have women and are created some other way. Maybe women and men look exactly alike. Maybe women have no rights and are locked up somewhere. Maybe they are like the Sovereign and women stay far away from the battles. I’m sure you can think of even more possibilities.

Kree

In the comics the Kree as a race are queer. They are encouraged to explore their sexuality with as many men, women and all genders in-between as possible and doesn’t like categorising sexuality the way humans do. Interestingly, the few Kree from the comics who have decided to identify as anything all chose gay/lesbian/bisexual/pansexual and the common denominator for all of them is that they grew up with other races, outside of Kree culture.

Kree in the comics only care about biological sex in regards to breeding and it’s a crime punishable with prison to create offspring with other races. This is why pink Kree are all lower-class (they are the result of interbreeding in the distant past) with the purest blue Kree at the top of society.

They don’t often bond emotionally but when they do they bond hard, though they often continue having other sexual relationships on the side.

We see hints of this in the movies. Men and women largely dress the same, treat each other the same, flirt with each other regardless of gender, they have lots of female soldiers, and doesn’t know toxic masculinity the way we do because they don’t see women as lower. While living with them Carol was put though many things but sexism wasn’t one of them.

When it comes to emotionally bonding, the people behind the movie have said Yon-Rogg has genuent feelings for Carol which was why he just gave up instead of dying in battle against her like an honourable Kree should.

Also, this is how the two major Kree characters were introduced:

Ronan strolling around butt naked with zero shame, and Yon-Rogg who couldn’t even be bothered to properly close his kimono-thing when answering the door. I think it’s safe to say that Kree are pretty laid back when it comes to nudity.

Skrull

The Skrulls are a bit harder to say anything about because they’re very different from the comics and we’ve been told Talos’ people aren’t even the standard for Skrulls in the MCU. Some groups rival Ronan in brutality, others are saints compared to Talos’ men.

But from what little we’re shown we know the men aren’t afraid to take on the appearance of women, and they form close emotional and physical relationships with each other no matter gender, and “kiss” by touching foreheads. But surprisingly, despite how many Skrull soldiers we see not a single one was female.

Asgardians

Gender clearly means a lot to Asgardians. Women are very revered and respected but also seen as distinctly separate from men. So much so that even though both men and women are capable warriors they are separated into different armies that have strict rules for which genders can join (Poor Thor had his childhood dream of becoming a Valkyrie destroyed). Men and women wear very different styles of clothes that put emphasis on their masculine or feminine features. The women especially like to show off their breasts.

The importance of gendered clothes is so strong that Loki, who is canonically non-binary in both comics and movies, stands out because his clothes very noticeably doesn’t show any gender and could easily be worn by either men or women. Even his most masculine outfit to date from Thor: Ragnarok isn’t gendered. Where other Asgardians have lines that follow their curves and muscles, Loki just have angular lines that tell us nothing about his gender (He loves shoulder padding almost as much as a 80’s business woman though)

There’s just one tiny detail that hints to Asgardian culture being patriarchal. Look at how the royal family is depicted in the first picture.

All the men look at the viewer, but Frigga is depicted as holding on to Odin with her gaze downcast, despite wearing her warrior outfit. This might suggest that young and unmarried women are free to live their lives but once they get married they should devote themselves to their husbands.

That’s all I got for now. Yeah I know the Marvel movies are just mindless entertainment and a lot of these could be answered with “Because the writers wrote it that way”, but if nerd boys can make hour long YouTube essays about the symbolism of Civil War let this nerd girl have her own fun.

#marvel cinematic universe #mcu #long post #marvel meta #marvel analysis #captain marvel #loki #ronan the accuser #yon rogg

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i-miss-balthazar · 5 years

Text

The Real Dean Winchester

Warnings: John Winchester was a bad dad, internalized homophobia

Rating: General Audiences

Pairing: Destiel

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Dean Winchester had a very closed off childhood. There was no denying it, it was John’s way or the highway. So Dean was raised in that mindset, and John Winchester was a very… old fashioned person. Sam was different, Sam refuted John every chance he could. Sam learned things for himself, because he didn’t want to learn from John. Dean didn’t have that luxury, because Dean was never John’s favourite son. He couldn’t argue with John because he was terrified of what would happen if he did. John didn’t love him the same as he loved Sam, so Dean was constantly trying to catch up, trying to make John proud. He did everything John asked. Became John’s little soldier. Dean Winchester stopped being his own person, and he started being a second John Winchester.

~|~

Dean was stuck like that for so long, he lost sight of who he was. Who Dean was. Now he was trying to uncover that, but opening that box inside of him was a long and difficult process. And it started with Castiel.

Castiel sparked something within him that he hadn’t felt since eighth grade. Something he shut out because John made him. Dean fell in love with Castiel. And he fought it so long because Castiel was a boy. That was wrong. He wasn’t allowed to fall in love with a boy. Of course Dean would never admit this out loud, but some people knew. That’s where Gabriel came in.

Gabriel had been the first one to challenge what he had known. Gabriel caught Dean staring at Cas longingly. Wanting, but knowing that he could never have.

“Why not?” Gabriel had asked.

“Get out of my head.” Dean growled.

“Stop thinking so loud.” The archangel shrugged. Dean hoped he would have left it there, but Gabriel was nothing if not persistent. “Why can’t you have him? Bet if you walked over there and kissed him, he’d be over the moon. The pining is getting tiring, Dean-o, go on.” Gabriel nudged him, trying to get him to go.

“No, Gabriel. That’s not… right.” Dean frowned. Not that he had anything against gay people, he was fine with them, but that just wasn’t who he was. Who he was supposed to be.

“Since when? I’ve been kissing guys longer than I can remember! Your brother is next on the list.” Gabriel snorted.

“What?” Dean blinked.

“Point is, go Dean. No one’s gonna stop you. No one’s gonna see you different. You aren’t going to prison for loving someone. Just go.” Gabriel insisted. Dean thought about that really hard. He was… right. What difference did it make? So Dean did what Gabriel said. He got up and he kissed Castiel. And Castiel kissed him back.

~|~

Castiel was slowly breaking down all the walls John had made. Little things, but one by one, Castiel replaced the bad with the good. Dean could never repay him for that. He was a much more open person. Gabriel had claimed Castiel had removed the stick from Dean’s ass (with a few more graphic words that made Sam consider grabbing a gun, though he hadn’t decided which of them to shoot yet). Life was good like this. It made Dean realize he missed out in his younger years. Many times Dean wished he was stronger. Wished he was like Sam.

~|~

It was a hunt. A simple salt and burn, but one of the witnesses - Echo, they’d called themself - stuck in Dean’s mind after it was over. Dean didn’t want to be rude, he had just been so confused. It was a relief Sam took over. So Dean decided to ask Gabriel about it, because Gabriel seemed to be all knowing. Like a walking gay encyclopedia.

“Gabriel?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s… non-binary?” That caught Gabriel’s attention, drawing his honey gaze away from the marshmallow-and-toothpick-castle he was creating.

“Questioning things, Dean-o?” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. Dean scowled. “We met someone on a case, they said they were ‘non-binary’. I… what does that mean?” Dean sighed.

“Ah. I see. Well Dean, you’ve heard of boy and girl, right?” He asked. Dean nodded. “Non-binary is another gender. Means neither a guy nor a girl.” Gabriel shrugged. That made Dean’s head spin. Of course the first thought was if they weren’t a boy or a girl, what did they have under the belt? Dean must’ve been thinking loudly, because Gabriel rolled his eyes with a resounding ‘ugh’. “No, dumbass. Sex is what’s in the pants. Gender is a lot more diverse. You’ve heard of trans, right?” Dean nodded. “So you know some people feel as though their gender doesn’t match their body? Though they were born, say, female, they feel as though they’re a male?” Dean nodded once more. “Well some people don’t feel like they are females, though they’re in a female body. But they don’t necessarily feel male either. It happens to people born in a male body too. These people can identify as non-binary. Somewhere in between female and male.” Gabriel provided. “Does that make sense?” Dean thought about it, and the more he thought about it, the more it did make sense.

“Huh.” Was his only response, before stealing a marshmallow and heading off.

~|~

The burden of knowledge was a heavy one. Everything that once seemed so simple was suddenly a whirlwind of confusion. Dean had never thought about it before because he never needed to. He knew he wasn’t a girl, so he had to be a boy. It was simple. Until it wasn’t.

The hard part was Dean had no idea how to tell. He couldn’t talk to Gabriel, Gabriel would figure it out in a heartbeat. So the internet was Dean’s only solace. (And if he took an online quiz or two, who could really blame him?)

~|~

It was morning time. The covers were rumbled but miraculously still over them, and Dean was laying with his head on Castiel’s chest. They were both awake, just savouring the still of the morning. Dean was deep in thought, he’d been up late last night pondering his dilemma.

“Dean.” Castiel rumbled, his voice still rough from sleep. Not that he had to, but it was nice. Dean seemed to like sleeping next to Castiel without the discomfort of being watched the whole time. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. Dean stopped; Cas had noticed. Dean sighed softly. Of course Cas noticed, Castiel knew Dean inside and out, it would actually be more confusing if Cas didn’t notice.

“...how do you know if you’re non-binary?” Dean asked resignedly. No point in trying to hide something from your angelic boyfriend that can slip into your thoughts at any moment, (though he mostly didn’t, for privacy’s sake).

“That’s something only you can decide, Dean.” Castiel told him softly. “Are you uncomfortable as a male?”

“Well… no. Not really.” Dean sighed. “This is how I’ve always been, this is how I’m supposed to be… right?”

“No. You’re supposed to be happy. What made you ask if you’re comfortable being male?”

“I dunno… what if it’s just because I’m used to it? I mean… I do like more feminine things…” Dean trailed off, blushing. Castiel smirked, his hand trailing down Dean’s bare torso and pushing down the waistband of Dean’s sweats to reveal a splash of pink. “Hey quit that!” He scolded. “I just… I dunno.” He sighed. “I don’t wanna be confusing and pick a new name or anything…”

“You don’t have to. You don’t even have to switch pronouns if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just about making you comfortable and happy with who you are.” Castiel assured, kissing his hair. Dean nodded slowly.

“Okay…” And they left it there.

~|~

“Castiel?” Dean murmured, pulling his boyfriend aside. They had gone to the store to pick up some eggs, beer, and skittles on Gabriel’s request.

“Yes my love?” Cas responded, his blue eyes wandering Dean’s face, full of concern.

“I think I’m non-binary.” Dean told him quietly. Cas offered a warm smile.

“Alright. What pronouns do you prefer?” He asked.

“We can stick to ‘he’… or ‘they’ works too, I guess…” Dean mumbled, blushing as he looked down. Castiel just smiled warmly, lifting Dean’s chin so the hunter would look at him.

“I’m so proud of you.” Cas assured him, gently kissing his lips. “And I love you so much.” The way Dean’s eyes shone in that moment made Cas’s heart soar.

“Thanks Cas…” he smiled. Castiel always had a way of making Dean’s insides turn to mush with his gentle loving nature.

~|~

Dean lost a bet. In his defence, he didn’t believe ANYONE could fit thirty marshmallows in their mouth, so why would Gabriel be different? Gabriel had his ways though. So there Dean was, letting Gabriel plaster his face with makeup and paint his rugged hunter nails.

“Ta da!” Gabriel sang, turning Dean to face the mirror. It was a good look, sunset eyeshadow, a nice winged eyeliner, soft pink lips and teal nail polish. “You can take it off after half an hour.” Gabriel added, patting Dean’s head.

“I might not.” Dean shrugged. Gabriel blinked.

“...huh? Mr. Manly Man, next Captain America, wants to wear makeup?” Gabriel gawked in a teasing fashion.

“I like it.” Dean shrugged.

“It is some of my better work…” Gabriel admitted. “But I thought ‘guys don’t wear makeup’?” He laughed, elbowing Dean playfully.

“Damn good thing I’m non-binary then.” Dean hummed. Gabriel stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if Dean was joking, before he shrugged, hugging Dean.

“Guess so. I’m proud of you, bucko.” He added the second part much softer. “Pronouns?”

“He/him or they/them. I don’t really care.” Dean smiled. Gabriel nodded.

“So… can I do your makeup more often…?” The archangel asked quietly. Dean laughed, nodding, and Gabriel nearly leapt for joy.

~|~

Telling Sam was the hardest part. Dean was so in his own head about it, it wasn’t like Sam was close minded in the least, but Dean has himself convinced. Sam liked Dean the way he was, Dean had told himself. Sam liked his brother. Sam needed him to be this specific figure; a role model.

Castiel and Gabriel assured him many times over that Sam loved him and it wouldn’t change anything, but just on the small possibility it would… Dean was terrified of telling him.

“A role model doesn’t mean John’s perfect soldier.” Castiel murmured softly, kissing Dean’s hair. Dean glanced up from where he was staring at Sam over a mug of coffee, contemplating telling him, and Castiel gave him a small smile. Those words hit him like a pound of bricks. Sam didn’t look up to his gender, Sam looked up to what was inside. So why was Dean…

“Sam!” He called, getting up and approaching his brother. “We need to talk.” He sighed. Sam frowned.

“Is something wrong…?” He asked.

“No, no, I just… I wanted to tell you something.” Dean fidgeted with the cuff of his flannel, the nerves slapping him again. It was too late to turn back now though, now that Sam’s attention was focused on him. Sam gave a nod for him to continue, and Dean sucked in a slow breath. “I’m non-binary.” He informed, his voice quieting a bit. His stomach dropped as Sam eyed him slowly. Then Sam smiled.

“Okay.” Sam responded. “Are you… changing your name?” He asked. Dean shook his head.

“Dean is fine.” He assured.

“And your pronouns…?”

“I still mostly use he/him, but they/them works too.” Dean mumbled. Sam nodded, getting up and hugging Dean tightly. Dean was slightly taken aback, relief swamping through him. He hugged Sam back, a tiny smile pulling his lips as he caught Cas’s eye over Sam’s shoulder.

“Dean, I love you.” Sam murmured. A gentle reminder, that was exactly what Dean needed to hear. He managed to choke words through his tears of joy and relief:

“Thank you Sammy.”

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Representation Week Tag List:

@misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @specialagentrin @peanutbutterandgrapejelly @all-or-nothing-baby @petrichoravellichor @i-know-like-four-things @fantastikitty7 @is-jus-me @hexlorde

Sidebar: I never know how to introduce my fics, I usually just post them but I felt like I should tack the warning on this one so... I dunno. Don’t be surprised if the style changes. Anyhow, happy representation week everyone!

#Representation Week #spn ficlet #destiel #nonbinary dean #nonbinary dean winchester #gabriel is the gay encyclopedia #gay encyclopedia gabriel #maddisons drabbles #John Winchester’s A+ Parenting #internalized homophobia

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gaiatheorist · 4 years

Text

“50% Feminine.”

I’m going mad again, I’m listing probable reasons, but going mad isn’t reasonable, it’s something that just happens to me from time to time. This is one of the slow, creepy-uppy episodes, not one of the sudden, explosive ones, possibly less dangerous, but incredibly draining. It’ll pass, it always does, it had better do, it’s bloody horrible.

Standard disclaimer, I am at increased risk of harm, but I have no intent or ideation of deliberately harming myself, apart from drinking too much cheap-and-nasty wine, which is my standard maladaptive coping mechanism.

I woke up at 1.30am, and, after a brief discussion with my wonky brain, acknowledged that I was Awake-awake, and there was no chance of going back to sleep. This will have a knock-on effect for a few days, there’s a fair chance I’ll fall asleep in my dinner, but it’s mostly containable. (The madness, as well as the dinner.) Scrolling through Twitter, to see if I’d ‘missed anything’, I found a link to ‘My Gender Coordinates’, and decided to take the quiz, no better or worse use of my time than a Fakebook quiz to tell me what sort of sandwich, or shoe I am.

There are 35 questions, I can’t remember exactly how they’re worded, but it’s along the lines of “I am...” or “I consider myself...” about various character traits, or behaviours, you ‘answer’ on a sliding scale from double-thumbs-up to double-thumbs-down. There’s a ‘middle’ option, which, when I’m going mad, is always a bit tempting, I’m indifferent, I don’t care much about much when I’m in this state.(Until I do, and get all emotionally peaky, HATING an empty shampoo bottle on the bathroom floor, but refusing to move it, because it’s not mine, or finding myself close to tears because I think I’ve offended someone, and not quite knowing how to check.)

The ‘results’ come out on a quadrant-graph thingy, Masculine/Androgynous/Undifferentiated/Feminine, I deliberately didn’t look at that first, because I would have skewed my answers, aiming for ‘undifferentiated’, I’m awkward like that. My results were that I ‘fall between quadrants’, no big surprise there, my dot was bang on the line between ‘masculine’ and ‘androgynous’, all in the top half of the square, ‘68.3% Masculine, 50% Feminine’, I don’t know how that works, it’s numbers, and maths and stuff, and my brain doesn’t work like that. (Haha, because I’m a girl, and girls are better at biology than physics. Bullshit.)

What does it mean? In all likelihood, nothing, it does look kind-of scientific, which is why I answered all of the questions, instead of giving up at the first hint of a cartoon dinosaur, or a ‘pick which colour-scheme appeals to you’. (Cartoon dinosaurs are my new pet hate, I’ve recently had to wade back through the clip-art infested worksheets from the last mental health course, and I’m fairly certain I’ve imagined a cartoon dinosaur, but that’s a tangent I’ll try to avoid.) I have strong opinions on the concept of gender, for however-many years I’ve been writing on here, I’ve identified as ‘meat no-one eats’, my biological sex is female, and my uterus is certainly reminding me of that fact this week. My gender? Human. Probably.

“Identified as”, how very modern, it’s not ‘really’ a new thing, to me, or the world, what I’m trying to do here is type out a safe-release, to vent, I suppose it all boils down to my resentment of being ‘told’. There are vague childhood memories of being told “Ladies do/don’t do...”, and I have a ridiculous rage-bubble of “Yes, and sloths poo once a week, what’s your point?”, too late one thinks of what one might have said. I’m no more a lady than I am a sloth, I’m probably leaning more towards sloth at the moment, I’m overdue a bath.

Working through the statement-ratings, I noticed I was pulling a face at some of them. All of them, to be honest, which surprised me, because, with a diagnosis of autism, there’s the preconception that my response would be binary-linear, black-or-white, always/never. It wasn’t, my response was invariably “That’s a stupid question.”, and they weren’t questions, for every single statement, I decided “Unable to answer without context.”, and had to imagine a scenario to contextualise “I am generous” or “I am decisive”, or whatever. ( I *am* decisive, given sufficient context.) I need to watch that I don’t fall into a psychopath/sociopath rabbit-hole here, my sometimes-linear approach could be viewed as psychopathic, and my bending/masking could fit a sociopathic profile. Too many personality quizzes in my teen-girl magazines, and an on-going desire to name and categorize things.

I was pulling a face at the statements that are usually associated with the concept of femininity, there really isn’t a male-brain/female-brain. (All brains smell horrible, I have smelled my own brain, wasn’t pleasant.) There are some biological differences, most notably the reproductive bits, but not really a great deal else, the ex used to say that humans were evolving to be more androgynous, but I see now that he was trying to justify the societally-imposed feelings of inadequacy that I was as tall as him, with more body-hair. He ascribed to the concept of androgyny when it suited him, lauding Bowie in public, and insisting I was ‘better’ at housework in private. A product of his upbringing, but deeply coercive-toxic. He enjoyed my androgynous-atypical nature up to a point, I was a trophy in more ways than just my long legs and pretty mouth, I confused the hell out of his ‘traditional’ family, though.

The statements that made me screw up my face could have been coloured pink, they were the ones that ‘ladies do’, some, I consciously, deliberately-don’t, and some are just a natural hard-no, nature vs nurture in evidence. I have learned behaviours, and innate, natural tendencies, there was a bit of a domestic issue the other day when I noted my son being manipulative, and destroyed-devastated myself wondering if he’d learned-observed that from me. I don’t think so, my avoidance-behaviours are quite different. I was pulling faces at the stereotypical ‘female’ traits, initially an “Ew, no, I don’t do that!” response, but, as I realised I was doing it, I wondered WHY I was repulsed. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with being kind/sensitive/compassionate, they’re human responses, not ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’, but even the quiz itself refers to them as “Traits commonly found in people of the ... gender.” (Androgynous is referred to as high in male- and female-typical traits, undifferentiated as low in both.) Commonly, not exclusively.

Part of the issue is that I associate femininity with vulnerability and weakness. I choose not to ‘present as’ female most of the time, my sex usually isn’t obvious until people get close, and I don’t let many people get that close. (Even before the virus-distancing.) There are ‘historical and complicating factors’ behind some of that, but there’s also the gender-conditioning I grew up with, girls-should, and boys-should, I didn’t have particularly positive experiences or role-models, but, even aside from that, the general concensus was that male was stronger, better, more important, female was secondary and subservient. To do something ‘like a girl’ was an insult, but, by the same token, I was often criticised for not being ‘girly’, ever the outlier. I’m wondering how much of the non-femininity is reactive-protective, how much could be part of the autism, and how much is just ‘how I am’?

Girly-females irritate me, vacuous conversations, hair-and-make-up, dependence on others, incessant diets and fads, I don’t ‘get’ any of it, and I don’t buy into it, I don’t see why I should, just because my genitals are in the more difficult-to-kick arrangement. (True to form, my son has more make-up and hair-stuff than I do, I can’t remember how he referred to my presentation a few weeks ago, but it might have involved goblins, and a bin.) Occasionally, people tell me I could be attractive if I made an effort, my go-to response is “What for?”, I do generally look as if I live in a tree, it doesn’t bother me. That’s not wholly a girl-thing or a boy-thing, I do know some very well-presented people of both flavours, but I’ve genuinely never overheard a group of men discussing razor-blades or underpants the way I’ve heard gaggles of women banging on about make-up and such.

Women who talk in baby-voices, women who giggle and simper around men, women who don’t even try to pick things up themselves, I think what I’m saying is that I don’t like women who ‘act as’ women, and it is an act, my mother’s phone-laugh used to make me want to scream.

Before I became annoyed at myself for placing more value on the traits more commonly associated with masculinity than femininity, I’d had a mini-argument with myself that it was impossible to rate any of the statements objectively. Am I kind? It depends on the situation, last week I helped a little old lady sort out a mis-delivered parcel, but the week before that, I’d sped up my walking pace, so I could get into the corner shop before the person behind me, it might have been the same little old lady, I wasn’t paying attention. I’d viewed the thumbs-rating as a never-always continuum, so, technically, all of the responses ‘should’ have been middle-option, for ‘sometimes’. (There might have been an explanation in the site somewhere, it was daft o’clock in the morning.) For each behaviour, I was thinking of a situation, which was wrong, I think I should have been rating least-likely to most-likely. The situation has an influence on the behaviour, if I had friends, I’d behave differently with them to the way I’d behave with a doctor, or a manager, or my son, and even that behaviour would depend on multiple external factors, it wouldn’t be static-consistent, it would be dynamic. We all do it, we’re socially conditioned to behave according to audience and environment.

I didn’t go to finishing school, I didn’t even go to university, there were no elocution or deportment classes at my rough-as-arseholes comprehensive school, and most of my childhood meals at home were eaten from a plate on my knee, on the sofa, in front of the TV. There were still expectations, though. Standing up if a teacher came into the classroom, not interrupting an adult speaking, letting elderly or otherwise infirm people on the bus first. I don’t remember my brother being given as many instructions as I was, though, and I think that was more to do with me being a girl than being two and a half years older, he did pretty much as he pleased, and was a ‘rascal’, or a ‘scamp’, whereas I was told to sit down (nicely), be quiet, smile, be helpful etc long before the wear a bra, brush your hair, show a bit of leg nonsense started.

I’m fairly certain that the gender-specific conditioning is part of the reason my autism wasn’t diagnosed until I was 42. I’d had expectations drummed, and sometimes beaten into me all my life, everything was already an act, a performance, so I just assumed everyone else was ‘faking it’ all the time, over-riding gut-instinct on everything, and acting according to these confusing social scripts. The “What for?” streak in me is problematic for other people, I’m viewed as difficult, challenging, sometimes plain rude, and overly bold ‘for a woman’. I don’t speak much, but, when I do, I make it count, I’m tenacious and determined, and, most of the time, completely exhausted trying to remember and correctly apply rules and boundaries, scripts I don’t understand the reasoning behind, and constantly-consistently assess environments and audiences, to avoid ‘getting it wrong’.

I am blunt at times. I can be articulate and eloquent, but sometimes a situation demands just-enough information to convey the salient point. I don’t tend to ‘waste words’, and am frustrated when people fanny about with “Does that make sense?” and “This might sound silly, but...” Anecdotally, I hear that from women more than men, we’re discouraged from being too much to-the-point, to go the long way around things, instead of straight at them, and to check for reassurance. I speak ‘like a man’, it’s more efficient. (”Does everyone understand what they are to do?” was my preferred meeting-closing-statement, I’m brutal.)

I sometimes see the reverse-of-me in my son, he isn’t the least bit blunt or brutal most of the time. (He did shout “Stop it!” at me quite forcefully one day last week when I was having a meltdown after getting bin-juice on my face. He saves his command-voice for emergencies.) He ties himself in knots about communicating with people, and avoids most conversation, although he’ll babble incessantly to himself to process thoughts and ideas. (I have sores inside my ears that won’t heal, because I keep putting my earphones in to drown out his waffling about D&D plots and such.) He’s nervous-anxious where I’m bold, he’s scared of a million things that I’m not in the least bit concerned by, but then, I am an idiot. Biological sex is not gender, but neither of us are really binary-gendered. (I’m not going to suggest he does the quiz, he’s so incredibly indecisive it would melt his brain.) I never conditioned him ‘male’, he’s always just been another human to me, but he has had conflicting messages from his Dad’s side of the family, boys-don’t-cry, come-and-kick-this-ball, look-at-the-tits-on-that, and the girly-girl aunts and cousins. Confusing times, but he has referred to himself as a pan-sexual trans-humanist, and I don’t really know what that is. (He hasn’t asked me to use different pronouns, or a different name, so he’s still ‘him’.)

I’m rambling. I’ve been pecking away at this for hours, but I do feel a little more settled for doing it. I didn’t go off on as many ranty tangents as I thought I might, which is reassuring, this episode of going mad has been mostly-irritable, and I don’t like it. Catch-22, there, as a female, I’m ‘supposed to’ be all pink and fluffy, and nice, but the lazy stereotype of a woman can also be a nagging old harridan, I’m straddling that line as well as the line between quadrants on the quiz. I bet you 10p that if I did the quiz again, I’d be able to skew the answers to place the dot dead-centre in the grid, but I might blow up the internet if I did that, and imagine the mess that would make.

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faecaptainofdreams · 4 years

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This character belongs to FursonaKittenMittens!! Also keep in mind that time in fandoms is a tad subjective and just depends on the moment it's projected, so while this leaps a bit into the future just...try to not harp on that too much ^^; It messes with ME a little, not gonna lie, but i love it SO MUCH, UFF. Enjoy~ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~~Sky Davis~~ Born in California to well-set parents as Joel Davis, Sky was a born and raised beach bum who could afford to live easy. His parents could not, for the life of them, keep him off the beach, and so they simply encouraged him. When he was 10, Joel took up wake boarding...mostly because the idea of him full-on surfing freaked his parents out. Around the age of 11, Joel began to consider his gender identity. He didn't feel like a boy, but he didn't feel like a girl, either. He'd always felt different, but now it was something he couldn't escape entirely. It didn't help that he personally never liked the name "Joel" for himself. After a couple of years, when he was 15, Joel discovered he was actually they, and began to identify as non-binary. They chose the name Sky, and their parents were actually quite supportive. If their child was happy, they were happy. This same year, Sky decided they wanted to someday become a marine biologist. They started scuba diving; they adored the sea life and the beauty of all the ocean held. The sun, the surf, it was all an integral part of them. Sky started studying everything relating to marine life they could, and began looking into colleges to eventually get into for their future. When they were 18, the Summer following high school graduation, Sky was out boarding with their friends, Donna Adams, Jacob Morgan and Aden O'Brian. Jacob, who was dating Donna and had aspired to become a pro surfer, was attacked by a shark and left alive, but rapidly bleeding to death. Sky and friends dragged him back to shore with attention and help from the life guard. It was a horrendous disaster of a day, and Jacob ended up dying from his wounds in the hospital. Sky was traumatized. Unable to face it, they decided it would be best to leave California all together and get away from that beautiful ocean. They told their parents that it was to go get basic college courses out of the way somewhere else, but it was a lie and their parents knew it. But there was only so much advice they could give, and because their child was now an adult, they couldn't stop them. They only offered their love and support. So Sky moved to Washington DC when they were almost 20 years old. They have visited their parents a couple of times, but haven't been in the ocean since that horrible day. ~~Partnership~~ When Sky is 24 and working at a coffee shop, they lock eyes with a 23-year-old Walter Beckett picking up a couple of things for himself and Lance before heading off to work one morning. Seeing Walter as a tad star-struck and fumbling over himself, Sky decides then and there that this boy is cute, and puts themselves out on the line by writing their cell number and first name on one of the coffee cups. Walter doesn't notice the number until he's already in the car with Lance. After days of nervous deliberation, he texts the number, and he and Sky begin talking. They quickly meet up and, despite both being shy, are relatively forward with what they thought of each other when they met in the coffee shop. Sky had had on a couple of badges with their identity colors on them, so Walter had already known they were NB. They decide to strike up a bit of a friendship, and then give dating a try. Walter has never dated anyone, so he expresses a lot of concerns, but Sky is patient and admits they're nervous, too. After a couple of months spent dating, Walter, Sky, and several other friends take a day trip to a beach a few hours away. Sky doesn't speak up about their past, not wanting to weigh the group down or reveal too much about themselves so suddenly. But once they get there and everyone is out in the water having fun, a little teasing from August (OC) prompts an anxiety-driven emotional breakdown and a flashback. Sky runs off and locks themselves in one of the cars they'd rode down in together, but Walter follows them. After picking the lock and getting to Sky and helping them calm down, Walter coaxes them into telling him what had gone wrong. A mournful Sky finally confesses, and Walter is nothing but embracing and loving. When he asks why Sky hadn't told them this, and Sky gives their answer, Walter lets them know that everyone would've been just as happy to do something else together, or even alternate between a few people doing the beach while a few others hung out with Sky somewhere else fun. He tells them that next time (because there WILL be a next time), this is what they will do. He encourages Sky to hold his hand and come clean about their past to the others later on, and needless to say everyone is understanding. They go back home at the end of the day on good terms. The experience bonds Walter and Sky a little more, and a little less than two weeks later, they become intimate for the first time. Sky will move into Walter's house about a year later. ~~Today~~ Sky is going to once-weekly therapy for their trauma, as suggested by Walter. They deeply want to overcome their fear of the ocean, as they honestly still love it and miss it dearly. They want to wake board again someday. They still work at the coffee shop, but Sky's ambition is to someday get the courage to go to college and pursue their dreams. For now, they are content with Walter, and are trying to work out their issues through love and support. ~~Personality~~ Sky is laid back and easygoing, but surprisingly smart and has a love of nature that is highly compatible with Walter and their new peer group. They don't anger easily, but they're also not the constant ray of sunshine their boyfriend is. Though of course, basically no one is. Easy to get along with, and sometimes surprisingly submissive. ~~Physiology~~ Sky is 5'7" and has a tight, lean body. They aren't overly built, but they're a tad muscular from a life having been spent on the water. In the years since the incident, they've stayed in shape with other exercise and good diet. Being NB, Sky sometimes likes to wear female clothing or a stark mix. They may also do their hair up in buns or ponytails, wear a hint of makeup, or whatever they please. Sometimes, they allow their facial hair to grow out a tiny bit, but usually not much or for long. No matter the look, Walter loves every one of them. ~~Preference~~ Sky is bisexual, but admittedly prefers men. They had a girlfriend in high school but broke up because, well, high school romances tend to be shallow, and they dated a girl after moving to DC. She was a tad manipulative and believed it was wrong for people to pleasure themselves if they're in a relationship, and reprimanded Sky for a number of things. She also tried to get them to embrace being more masculine. After a few months together, Sky felt like they were obligated to have sex with her, and so they did. It's always been something they've sort of regretted, as it only played more into her manipulation. Thankfully, the ever-calm and well-tempered Sky broke it off with her. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------

Now they are happy with Walter :”3

#Spies in Disguise #Walter Beckett #SkyWalt #oc #bio

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crazymarvelsuperfamily · 6 years

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Hi! I honestly love all the work you've posted so far and honestly enjoy how you portray Peter's relationships with the Avengers. I was also wondering, how would Peter introduce his friend, a nonbinary trans hero, to his adoptive family?

I present to you this:(which is written with a mother of all headaches from concussion so please don’t @ me…) much love, Ren x

To Peter, MJ was more than just a friend. They were a complete, utter, total, God-send. While Peter had his Spidey-sense, MJ had their common-sense – and a knack for stopping Peter from causing a disaster everywhere he went. The whole of the team had always been super supportive of Peter, and always wanted to know how he was, and whether he’d had a good day at school. And Nat had always been keen to meet Peter’s friends. Ned, Peter’s “guy in the chair”, had met Tony at first by accident. He happened to stop by to show Peter a new lego set, while Stark was at the apartment, “enjoying” a slice of May’s date loaf. Once his “fan-girling”, had at last subsided, and Tony managed to get some coherent sentences out of him, Ned was immediately accepted into Peter’s rather crazy, and slightly dysfunctional family. It didn’t take him long before he was joining the team for movie nights, press conferences, and even sleeping over with Peter.

Nat noticed pretty quickly, that a certain MJ repeatedly appeared in stories told by both Ned and Peter, and was intrigued to meet… well, she wasn’t really sure if MJ was a he or a her… But what she did know, is that he/she (?) was a definite member of they boys’ friend circle, especially after Ned referred to them all as “the three musketeers.” She tried to gently prompt Peter to bring MJ home repeatedly, but Peter for some reason always got rather defensive. Nat assumed MJ was a crush or something, but not wanting to upset Peter, she let things slide.

It wasn’t that Peter was ashamed to have a non-binary friend, hell, if MJ was a fucking giraffe he’d still be thankful for just how amazing they were. It was just, he was hesitant for them to meet his family. Steve and Bucky were from the 40s – Peter wasn’t even sure if they knew that there are more than two genders. Nat had always seemed pretty uptight, Bruce was a fan of the awkward “when you get a girlfriend….” – always assuming Peter was straight, and well, although Tony was an obvious chaotic bisexual, Peter couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t act adversely to the prospect of Peter having a non-binary friend. So, the team remained in the dark about MJ, and eventually, Peter had thought that they would have forgotten about them, after almost 3 months without a mention.

Tony was just waiting for the last few parcels of presents to be delivered. Peter’s 16th had to be special. He had spoken to the boy on numerous occasions, and he was adamant that he did not want a massive party, “no Tony, not even if you booked AC/DC.” So, he had finally managed to settle on a pretty small occasion. The whole team was coming over (plus Clint’s family) and May and Ned. They were just going to have a fairly quiet evening and spend some time together. That was when Tony remembered Peter had a friend… was it MJ?? Somewhere in his database, he found Ned’s number, and sent him a text, asking him to invite MJ. The reply he got was hopeful, but not definite, about the appearance of this secret friend at the party.

Peter had had a pretty crap day. If it wasn’t for the massive flashing 16 badge pinned to his blazer, no one would have known it was his birthday. Not with 4 pop quizzes in 5 classes, and two essays set – oh yeah, and the group project with Flash. He had missed the bus that morning, and there was a heavy downpour, so to top the day off, he had spent it walking around in sodden sneakers. His hopes were lifted slightly, at the sight of the sleek black Bentley parked directly in front of the school gates, but neither Happy nor Tony were sitting waiting for him, so he miserably made his way to the bus stop. He was almost at his stop, when he got a brief text from Happy inviting him to the tower, so he impatiently sat through the further 45 minutes of his journey. But barely five seconds later, his phone powered off. Shme, some birthday Peter muttered under his breath.

By the time he arrived at the tower, he was borderline fuming, in desperate need of a change of clothes, and completely not down to spend the evening in the lab with Tony. He’d bet all $30 from May that Tony had forgotten the date anyway. “Peter Parker.” He growled into the microphone.“Insufficient authentication. Registered voice required.” FRIDAY replied distantly.“FRIDAY, what the hell? You know its me. Let me in already.”“Sorry, Mr Parker, the protocols boss set do not permit your entrance unless you use the correct voice activation.”“Peter?” He tried to ask chirpily, hoping that he would be allowed in.“Incorrect.”“spiderman”“incorrect”“Spiderling”“incorrect.”“Crime-Fighting-Spider”“incorrect”“Spider-Boy”“incorrect”“Underoos”“incorrect”“Spider-Guy on YouTube”“incorrect”Peter rolled his eyes. Tony had threatened to change his name the other day when Peter drank the last of the milk straight from the carton. “Little Bastard in Red Tights”“Welcome, Little Bastard in Red Tights.” FRIDAY almost sang, as the elevator doors slid open and took him up to the Common Floor.

When the doors opened again, revealing a tidied room, lined with balloons. Food was spread out across the table, and an extremely huge pile of presents took up a large amount of floor space. From out of every corner of the room, The Avengers sprung, each with a party hat and one of those cheap horn things. A smile instantly broke on his face as he scanned the room – everyone was there – the whole team – Laura and the kids, Ned, May, MJ… wait, MJ? Peter double took. They stood right in the middle, having popped up from behind a couch. They waved at Peter, revealing their graphic T-shirt that read “They/them pronouns, get over yourself. I’m valid.”

Steve was surprised when he met MJ, not because they were non-binary, but because Peter was scared to introduce them to him. And he suspected that he and Bucky were the ones that caused Peter to be hesitant about introducing MJ to the team. Sure, he was from the 40s, but that didn’t mean he held their values. Heck, he’d been in a relationship with Bucky since not long after the Accords. Besides, times had changed in 70 years – understandment of gender wasn’t at all what it used to be. Steve couldn’t care less who MJ identified as, as long as they were a good friend to Peter. And, in the short hour between MJ and Ned arriving at the tower in the Bentley, and Peter turning up soaking wet from walking (God, Tony needs to give the kid a break – and a towel…) MJ appeared to be one of the best friends Peter could possibly have. They were quick, witty, and super intelligent, but most importantly, they were sensible – and Peter needed nothing more than a sensible friend.

That evening made Peter’s birthday the best one ever – even with the awful day he had had. For once, Tony had actually listened to him, and didn’t throw the biggest party of the year – instead, he had a movie night with the people he was closest to. They watched Empire Strikes back, Peter’s favourite film of all time, and ate more pop corn than anyone of them would care to admit. Peter sat in the middle of the long sofa with his legs curled under a blanket. May sat to one side of him leaning onto his shoulder, and to the other, MJ slumped with a large bag of chocolate. It was late before everyone left (except for May, who had to excuse herself early for an emergency shift, asking Tony if it was alright for Peter to stay over – which it obviously was) MJs father collected them and Ned, Laura – who was invited to stay over, started the drive home with the kids and Clint. Then slowly, the rest of The Avengers dispersed and left for their own floor. By the end of the credits scene, only Peter and Tony remained in the room. “Hey Pete?”“yeah Mr Stark.”“Happy Birthday.”“Not any more Mr Stark – my birthday was over an hour ago.”“It is if you’re in Malibu.”“But we aren’t?” Peter yawned.“Not right now, but I thought a part of your birthday present could be a trip to the mansion with your friends.”Peter’s eyes lit up, “really?!”“Yeah kid.” Tony replied softly, ruffling Peter’s soft curls as he walked past him. “I’ve already spoken to Ned and MJ’s parents, and they’re down for it.”“MJ too?” Peter asked.“Yeah – they’re one of your best friends, aren’t they?” Tony asked, slightly nervously.“Obviously – I was just worried to introduce them to you – you know, with being non-binary…”“Peter,” Tony said seriously, looking the boy in the eyes, “don’t you ever feel afraid to introduce anyone to me or to the rest of the team. I will gladly support you and your friends, and so will the rest of the team, unless they want an iron fist to answer to. That is, as long as you don’t bring home that God awful Wade Wilson.”

#iron dad #Precious Peter Parker #nb mj #marvel prompt #MCU fanfiction #short fic

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candyclan · 6 years

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Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

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queer-questions · 7 years

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So I have a question about being genderqueer, I’m sorry if it turned out long. So when I was in primary school I was bullied by both boys and girls – I was not behaving like one of the girls and not like one of the boys, so they often joked that I was somewhere in-between – they excluded me from both groups. (1)

Time skip to secondary school and me discovering that I’m bi, then leaning more towards liking girls, and in the end identifying as lesbian (and I’m still not sure what is my sexual orientation). My second girlfriend asked me if I’m 100% sure that I’m not trans – then I started questioning myself, but I came to the conclusion that I don’t feel like a guy. (2)

A few months ago I met some new people – a few of them are non-binary and some are genderfluid – I started questioning myself again. I never felt like I was 100% female – people told me that playing video games was a “boy’s thing” and for a really long time people wanted me to wear skirts and dresses – but they didn’t suit me – mainly because I feel like I shouldn’t wear them because I look too “girly” in them. No one pressures me to wear them anymore. (3)

I thought that maybe I’m genderfluid/non-binary, but I’m used to people calling me ‘she’ and I’m afraid that I will not get used to ‘they’. I’m also afraid to tell that to my mom because she is literally AFRAID of me being trans/non-binary – not identifying as a female, because I’m her perfect daughter – and don’t get me wrong I LOVE being her perfect daughter, I just don’t want to let her down. So in conclusion – can I call myself genderfluid/non-binary/genderqueer and use only she/her? (4)

Or mainly use she/her and occasionally they/them? (5)

You can use she/her even if you identify as genderfluid/non-binary/genderqueer because it doesn't have to match up at all, plus there’s nothing wrong with it! You can choose whichever pronouns make you most comfortable regardless of the gender you identify with.Anyway, keep in mind that gender is something you feel and doesn't have to have anything to do with your likes and dislikes or even your behaviour and appearance.

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artificialqueens · 8 years

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Breaking the Binary (Adore x Jinkx) - Osiris

short sweet one-shot about adore going to jinkx to try to figure out their gender identity.

warning: so adorable you’ll probably die tbh

On the Battle of the Seasons tour, Adore and Jinkx ended up sharing a hotel room. Neither of them minded much; they enjoyed their late-night conversations about everything and nothing. The pair enjoyed each other’s company and found it easy even to sit in silence together, each minding their own business.

Even though they made a habit of keeping to themselves after exhausting shows, Jinkx could tell something was off with Adore. Adore had changed out of their drag clothes but was just sitting, staring emotionlessly at their reflection in the mirror. Jinkx walked slowly over to Adore and sat on the edge of the bed behind Adore. “What’s wrong, darling?” they asked.

Adore just shook their head slightly and reached for a makeup wipe, taking off their makeup. “I’m so fucking confused,” they admitted, making sure all their makeup was off before turning around to face Jinkx. “How are you always so confident about your identity? You’re so quick to explain it to people who are curious, and you always seem like you have it all together.” Adore ran their fingers through their hair.

Jinkx smiled empathetically, reaching to take Adore’s hand. “It wasn’t always this easy. I went through a lot of confusion, but I’ve finally found a way to describe how I feel,” they explained. Adore let go of Jinkx’s hand and moved to sit next to them on the bed. “I feel so confused all the time, I hate it,” Adore started.

“When I was in high school, I thought I was a girl. I thought I’d identify as a girl forever. A few years later, I just felt like a guy who wanted to be a drag queen. Since I started drag, I don’t know how I feel. I feel like I’m somewhere in between, but in a world that’s so black-and-white, I’m almost scared to recognize it.” Adore was rambling, but Jinkx listened patiently. They understood all Adore’s feelings, as they had been there once.

“Okay, so you feel like you’re somewhere in between?” Jinkx started. Adore nodded, hugging their knees to their chest. “Okay, does it feel more like you go between different genders, or like you just don’t feel like any particular gender?” Adore shrugged, resting their chin on their knees. “I don’t know. Mainly like no particular gender describes me,” Adore replied.

“Kinda like you feel non-binary?” Jinkx asked, holding Adore’s gaze. “What’s that one, again?” Adore asked in response. Jinkx thought for a moment before explaining, “It’s not a very specific one, it just means you don’t fit into the category of male or female.” Adore nodded, biting their bottom lip.

“Yeah. Sounds about right,” Adore said, sighing in relief. “Finally there’s a word for it. But isn’t it weird that I’ve gone back and forth? Some people say I’m just faking it because I’ve identified as two different genders already,” they continued. Jinkx rested their hand on Adore’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

“You’re completely valid, and nobody can tell you otherwise. If anyone bugs you about it, I’ll fight them. Okay?” Jinkx told them, only partially joking. “Just be you. Everyone loves you already, and figuring out your identity isn’t going to change that,” they added sincerely.

Adore grinned at Jinkx and pulled them into a hug. “I love you, bitch,” Adore told them. Jinkx rubbed Adore’s back gently. “I love you too.” They pulled back and gave Adore a friendly kiss.

“I mean it, I’ll kick some ass.”

#adore delano #jinkx monsoon #fluff #friendship fic #osiris #rpdr fanfiction #submission #jadore

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kkukkung · 8 years

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"kiho is... fascinating rly" what do u mean 👀

their relationship dynamic is v fascinating and fanfic fuel.. lov the way kihyun... needs to win... and wonho kind of lets him........ but also they’re v tender idk LOV this photoset... ykh is always 100% serious when he attacks ??? but then he’s a very... aftercare guy.... bye

more asks under the cut (dated newest to oldest)

u kno that thing kihyun does when he has the camera where he like...tilts his head back a lil and shakes it a bit. it cute

hate 2 admit this but he rly is.... v c*te... v sexy 2 when he’s BEHIND the camera and he squints and grits one side of his teeth... ok ok ok ok alright alright alr

i dont rlly think hoseok is bi i think hes pan like if hes in love he doesnt rlly care what gender they are

mmm i use the two v interchangeably bc currently i don’t think there is a clear distinction between them? what u said is the traditional dictionary difference but a lot of bisexual people identify with that too and a lot of pansexual people don’t? like from what i’ve been observing, the bi = binary genders/more than one gender, pan = all genders thing doesn’t rly seem to help that much in establishing the difference btwn them? for example........ i usually say im bi irl and pan on tumblr just bc of the difference between levels of lgbtq understanding under varied contexts... but that obviously doesn’t apply to everyone... so yeah frankly i’m still confused abt the difference between them and i guess... just letting ppl fall into whatever they think is right for them is the only way to go? but like tell me if i’m getting smth wrong here lol. also i saved the url pansexualwonho shfjdkgj

hello bunny do u have a wishlist

no and get off my blog stinky

leave ur gf for me

what does it mean when ur gf has a bf and ur also kind of seeing kakashi hatake?? :/ are we all dating by association??

wonho looks like jooheon and IM sugar daddy in that picture or something....

jshgjfk i think this was abt the units teaser photo right? (x) tbh i feel like jooheon looks more sugar daddy here but wonho has a lot of potential... he’d definitely Spoil the person(s) he’s dating :/

I just checked and the members of that new variety show minhyuk will be in are all giants, they are all above 180cm, well besides actually minhyuk lolz it's kinda funny, but I guess he won't need to make himself seem smaller since he's the tiny one this time

my breath hitched when i read this ??? aaa ur right... tbh i don’t know how im going to... survive this show bc it’s... so blindingly... visual?? have high hopes for it i know he’s going to do so well... and ummmmmMM imagine him... making himself XXXXXXXXXXXXXS precisely bc he knows it’s going to b cute n like... tucking himself against eunwoo or smth i might die

YOUR TAGS MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!

THANK U?????? 💖💖💖💖💖 cute anons make me happi :’0

to reaffirm you as a wonho stan: you have 149 pages filed under wonho on your blog but only 118 under minhyuk. however i believe recently 3/5 of your posts are minhyuk posts.

this felt like it was heading somewhere but the second half jfkhgsj i mean,,

do you know where that picture of kihyun and the join forces with communists or end star wars picture is from with his hand up on a bluish greyish wall i rlly like his hand there u know and I think that we sHould join forces with him and he's right we need to make a stand for it but anyways if u know where the pocture is from may u pls share it thnx I lov ur blog lots

@marxistkihyun

[nsfw text warning] i was reading this wonhyuk fic and thought of u immediately archiveofourown org/works/10314092 mostlytop!mh slight daddy kink mh takes extra care of wh :') enjoy

UH ANON................ HOW DID U KNOW....... EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE...... AND THIS LINE... THIS LINE... “He likes Hoseok, but he likes when pretty girls tie him up and sit on his face too”,,,,,,,, rly the best lmh characterisation i’ve ever read sdjkfgh gbye this was rly sweet and well-written and realistic and i think??? i lov u?? and i lov my poly + bi boyfriends :(((( thank u sm for the rec i rly enjoyed it

i'm east asian too and non-asian ppl keep telling me that "rat" and "snake" are racial slurs and i've never heard of such a thing until i joined kpop fandom (rly recently). if you want my honest opinion it's another one of those things where like... overzealous SJWs nitpick terminology and project on POC even tho they have never experienced it themselves... idk. i rly have never heard any of those terms used against asians before as racial slurs...i've seen other asian fans also question this

(regarding this ask) yeah lmao i mean............ the more i think abt it the more i feel like it was ??? just such a strange thing to have been told... and the way it was said as well... like “this is a racial slur so don’t say it” feels condescending ?? like, me, an east asian person, being “educated” abt racism against east asian people by an anon on the internet for a post that had zero connection to race and terms taken way out of context (that generally aren’t racially charged anyway).... ok lol

Wonho decided to change the title from ^give it to you^ to ^524^ I wonder if it's because of their debut date or something similar?

yes~ 5.14 is their debut date! it was also the time on the clock in the teaser :3c but it still doesn’t rly explain why he changed it? strange bc i thought the song would b emo bc of the changed title but it was kinda.. boppy?? sounds more like a “give it 2 u” than a “last page” hmm but gotta hear the whole thing first ig

I have the impression that Wonho is a sensitive person, he can get hurt easily (but won't hold grudges) and carry his emotions for a really long time. I think he tends to delve in his emotions and thoughts constantly and is thoughtful of when/how he should share them to not burden others. He's ALL IN for his members, trying to cheer them up and tying them all together [rmbr when he made JooHyuk hug to avoid misunderstandings or when he gave Jooheon the biggest sweet potato] in a subtle way.

yessssssssssssssss yes i don’t have anything to add here yes yes yes he’s just... the best guy :(

The Monsta X/GOT7 Psychologist ISN'T A psychoanalist. AFAIK Psychoanalysis avoid archetypes, because the patient can use it as a excuse. Also, to psychoanalysis there isn't a cure, there's only a savoir-faire which means you won't change your past, but you can change how you feel about it, sometimes being able to extract lessons from those painful memories. Psychoanalysis works with words, the way we phrase things is how we conceive reality. So don't underrate your literal analysis+observations.

aaa thank u sm.......... i rly learnt a lot from u thank u v insightful.... pop psychology is fun but ig we have to be careful to not... confound it with the Real Thing and hold mx to it?? anyway thank u sm for taking the time to type out all ur asks they were v helpful!

wonho has honestly tried to kill minhyuk an incredible amount of times but in the end always remembers he can't commit murder in front of a camera...........................

idk wonho choking minhyuk was rly the hottest thing ive ever seen jsfhg bye God I Wish That Were Me

in that live where u said minhyuk tapped wonhos bicep with his little alien claw was honestly was so c*te... especially the contrast btwn mh featherless chicken feet fingers and wonho thiccness..... wonhyuk are rly so comfortable and natural with each other like u can't rly see it but it looks like wonho let go of the camera with the arm that was being tapped to hold minhyuks hand/wrist..................................................c*te

uh put thi s on my grave...... i love wonhyuk sm i could die :( they rly lov each other sm jkdgfhsdjkgfhhkkdg

Hellooo!

henlo rabbit

maybe im just naïve but starship ent. is overall an alright company - with all groups they promote they seem to be fair and equal and overall supportive :/ which makes me rlly thankful my children aren't being neglected;;

ahh yeah i think on the whole they’re not bad with mx... apart from when they didn’t send members to the hospital after they were in a literal car crash??? and idk just not great promo times and minor organisational things.. bc they have a certain amount of faith in mx the investment isn’t too shabby. but with like... other groups... like boyfriend...... idk ?? they were just shipped off to japan and never heard from again? and even sistar i mean, the conditions they worked in at the beginning was appalling :/

#its past 4am gotta slep :(( didnt get thru all of them but i will soon!!#ask #compilation #Anonymous

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

Text

Why are People So Threatened by Open Relationships?

http://fashion-trendin.com/why-are-people-so-threatened-by-open-relationships/

Why are People So Threatened by Open Relationships?

got married recently. The wedding was, if I may say so myself, almost criminally perfect. There was very good wine and everyone cried. I spoke about luck in my vows — the luck that webbed its way between us, that brought us to the same place at the same time — but I could, I suppose, have also been talking about the luck that allows us to speak freely about our love, to express it in a way that raises few eyebrows. We are a monogamous, heterosexual couple, and despite our racial differences (my husband is Indian, and I am a ghost), our relationship looks and feels like one that mainstream society can easily understand.

There was another lovely wedding I attended a few years back. Electric blue fish darted around glass bowls on each table, and both my friend and her soon-to-be husband were surrounded by their loved ones — loved ones that included their secondary and tertiary partners. Theirs is a mostly closeted, consensually non-monogamous relationship, each of them engaging in at least one, often many, romantic and sexual relationships alongside their own. They now have a beautiful baby who recently learned how to eat broccoli one tiny flower at a time.

We’re both ordinary and in love, my friend and I, but I get to talk about my love more freely than she does, and when I tried to explain their arrangement to another friend, that friend (also married, generally very loving and accepting) protested the very idea of non-monogamy so violently that she burst into tears.

All of this is to say that romantic love is wild and varied and looks very different to different people, but consensual non-monogamy — a relationship in which one or both partners carry on other romantic and/or sexual relationships with the full knowledge and consent of the primary partner — remains a marginalized and stigmatized form of love, filed away by many as an incomprehensible kink, disrupting mainstream society’s understanding of what a loving relationship should look like.

While exact numbers are difficult to pin down (especially since many are hesitant to reveal their relationship status), researchers estimate that “4-5 percent of Americans participate in some form of ethical non-monogamy” — and those numbers are growing. Yet two recent studies revealed that the majority of Americans view non-monogamous relationships significantly worse than monogamous ones when it comes to trust, intimacy, respect, honesty and closeness; another showed that consensually non-monogamous relationships (CNMs) were perceived as “dirty” and “immoral.” It seems an odd hill to die on when you consider that a survey of 70,000 Americans found that one in five had cheated on his or her current partner. Monogamy is somehow both a necessary virtue and one that many people struggle to uphold; remove it from the equation entirely, however, and the relationship gets tagged as obscene. So why is society so threatened by non-monogamy?

“These days, if you have two temporary relationships sequentially, you are normal. If you have two permanent relationships simultaneously, you are a ‘degenerate, herpes-infested whore.’” Those are the words of philosopher Carrie Jenkins, who has written openly about her polyamorous marriage. She’s become accustomed, if not inured to, the abuse lobbed at her, her husband and her boyfriend. In her book What Love Is: And What it Could Be, she investigates the shifting nature of romantic love and the various arguments for and against monogamy.

“Non-monogamous love,” she writes, “poses distinctive destabilizing risks that strike directly at the heart of romantic love’s social function.” Many of us are incapable of conceiving of a model of love that so assertively deviates from that which places the nuclear family at its center; this makes poly love, according to surveys, the subject of more vitriol than same-sex or interracial marriage.

Dr. Sharon Glassburn, a family and marriage therapist in Chicago, believes some of her poly clients are “more stigmatized and closeted” than some of her gay and lesbian clients. “These relationships smash apart false securities and binaries,” she says — the societal rules we depend on to create a structure in which we can feel secure.

For Laura, 34, getting involved with a married man in a CNM meant confronting her friends’ attitudes. “The people who were usually rooting for me and checking in about my relationship status were suddenly absent,” she told me. “My married friends, who love living vicariously through my single girl life, were completely silent. When we did talk about it, they just seemed very confused, projecting their own understandings and arrangements around fidelity onto the situation. There was a lot of, ‘I just can’t understand how that would work,’ or ‘I would never want something like that.’” Laura’s own reservations lessened dramatically when she met her partner’s wife.

“It was clear to me how much his wife’s opinion of me mattered to him,” she says. “We met for a drink near their house, and afterward she gushed about how much she liked me. I could see the change in him immediately. He was almost giddy. He became much more sweet and excited about our relationship. It was almost as if her approval made him like me even more.” This openness, and the clear respect he had for his wife, brought him and Laura closer.

Their meeting also refuted what Laura’s friends had been telling her — that this dude was clearly lying about his wife’s feelings; that he had been the one to instigate opening the relationship; that his wife was “the long-suffering one, alone and insecure.” In Susan Dominus’ lengthy 2017 New York Times piece on CNM, only six of the 25 heterosexual couples she interviewed were opened up at the man’s suggestion, and, in general, the women were more sexually active outside the relationship. This is supported by a 2012 study of 4,062 poly-identifying individuals: 49.5 percent of respondents identified as female, and 35.4 percent identified as male (the remaining 15.1 percent either declined to choose or wrote in other genders).

The fact that more women appear to be both the instigators of and the more active participants in CNM is counter to traditional beliefs about gender divisions, an understanding that has itself been shaped by centuries of conditioning about the position of women as child-bearers and homemakers. Esther Perel’s work draws on studies that demonstrate that women are not, in fact, biologically conditioned for monogamy: They are much more likely than men to experience a loss of sexual desire in long-term relationships and are more aroused by novelty than men. And while the historical conception of polyamory tends to be that of a polygamous structure in which men are religiously or culturally empowered to take multiple wives (leading many to feel that poly relationships privilege men), many of the earliest proponents of contemporary non-monogamy (such as philosopher Bertrand Russell) believed CNM would destabilize traditional patriarchal relationships, which he believed were created to give men reproductive control over women.

Erica and her partner were monogamous for eight years before she began dating another woman. She had been clear with him since the beginning about her queer identity, and “it was always on the table that I might feel the need to explore that someday in the future.” His ability to accept that possibility, she says, was one of the reasons she felt comfortable choosing him as a partner.

“I tried very hard to accept the societal standard of ‘mating for life,’” she tells me, “and it caused me a lot of stress. Investigating the religious and biological background of the idea made me feel even more like it was not what I wanted. Unlearning the unfair ideals that society sets up for women and the ideas about love that are taught to us from birth is a huge challenge, one that I am constantly working towards.”

Their marriage has evolved since they embraced nonmonogamy. “I think we both feel a lot more independent and able to express our needs in respectful ways. It has become more important to see each other as individual people, rather than place expectations on each other as romantic partners,” she says. “He has other partners, romantic and sexual, and tends to have involved relationships with women that last a long time. I have found that I am more of a free spirit. This has allowed me to really strengthen some of the other types of relationships in my life and explore new ways to connect with people outside of the realm of what is considered dating. Our intent has always been to make strong personal connections and have more loving relationships with people. If sexual connections happen, great, but it’s not the main goal.”

And while they have been open with their friends and family about their relationship dynamic, they’ve faced skepticism. “My family’s reaction was somewhere along the lines of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ though they made sure to let me know that this did not align with their religious beliefs,” she says. “Some of my husband’s male friends reacted with a sort of, ‘Hey, now you get to sleep with whoever you want!’ kind of attitude, which is really not what he wanted from this change at all.”

Erica and her husband are, for the time being, “platonic partners,” no longer sexually involved with each other. She’s unequivocal in her belief that an open marriage was the right decision. “It makes me very happy to see my partner grow as a person, be better able to express himself and to feel more confident. I feel like I have also grown and become happier, and learned a lot about myself. The duality of having your own independent self-worth, and also the ability and freedom to explore your own needs and desires in turn, gives you a sense of security that I think a lot of monogamous couples lack.”

So what’s so scary about that?

“I think it comes down largely to the science of human attachment,” says Dr. Sharon Glassburn. Romantic bonds — their inherent vulnerabilities and the intensity of emotion they involve — draw on primal feelings of safety and trust, and yet the structures society has created to shore those up (monogamy, marriage) are neither biologically- nor historically-informed. “Permanent monogamy” is unique to both our species and our cultural moment. Additionally, says Sharon, most people don’t make it through their 20s or 30s without encountering infidelity, either by experiencing it themselves or watching it destroy other relationships. “The idea of non-monogamy summons a very visceral and protective response, not to mention a PTSD response if prior infidelities were in the equation,” she says. “These protective or trauma responses put us in our ‘lizard brains’” and make imagining a relationship structure in which our partner doesn’t solely belong to us entirely difficult and frightening.

“Nearly everyone has feelings for other people,” says Sharon, “but an open or non-monogamous structure brings repressed or suppressed feelings up that some folks would rather compartmentalize.”

Erica agrees: “I think jealousy comes from fear and insecurity, and people would rather project that onto others than face what they are really afraid of.” In fact, studies have found that people in CNM relationships experience lower jealousy, higher trust and higher sexual satisfaction with their partners. Which is not to say that non-monogamy is for everyone, but rather that those who have found it right for them have found something very good indeed.

Interrogate each of the arguments against CNM (the high rates of infidelity and divorce in monogamous couples; the research demonstrating a wide-ranging social community leads to greater happiness and a longer life; the fact that a collective approach to child-rearing has historically been the primary model of family-building) and it begins to seem as if a fear-based moralizing is at the heart of why those committed to the current model of monogamy are so bewildered by or opposed to poly relationships. But if “love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love” — why not be greedy for more of it? After all, no one can reasonably argue that having more than one friend diminishes the love you’re capable of giving each. Why can’t the same be applied to relationships?

The truth is, partnership is tenuous, and the current prevailing model was constructed only after thousands of years of different examples, most completely unrelated to a modern understanding of Western marriage, and which for a long time excluded interracial and queer couples. My in-laws, together over 45 years, were brought together by their families in an arranged marriage, and their version of partnership, love and happiness is very different than my own. They have raised two children and still hold hands when walking over uneven terrain; who’s to say their love is less than mine or yours? Who’s to say that any love isn’t worthy of awe?

When my now-husband and I were in our early days, I told him I’d been cheated on in the past and that infidelity was, for me, a deal-breaker. While I have no desire to bring non-monogamy into our marriage as it is now (after 5+ years of online dating, I want only one man, one contractually obligated to listen to my weird dreams), I want, above all else, a marriage that thrives on honesty. And to me, being honest requires acknowledging the very real possibility that at some point in our (hopefully long) life together, one of us will want something that the other person can’t give. When that happens, I told him, I want there to be a window, not a door: a space through which we can look, together, at another shape our relationship could assume. Accepting that possibility means being excited about, and not threatened by, the mutability of love, its expansiveness and strength.

Illustrations by Cynthia Merhej.

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