#on that note my grandma sucks….. but this isn’t about her

[everythingsbetterunderthestars]

Similar to the other post I just made but I need to scream it again into tumblr because I want to: MY PARENTS ARE SO AMAZING you guys if you think people from different generations can’t understand us (especially queer people) that’s not true my parents are literally the best

[howaboutcastiel]

That One Angsty Fic (Moon Boys)

Summary: It doesn’t always make sense, but some days are just bad ones. Sometimes you’re your own worst enemy, and it takes losing a battle with yourself to see that. Marc, Steven, and Jake are able to see it, even if you can’t at first. 

Author’s Note: This fic was originally supposed to end differently. Writing it was therapeutic for me, and the ending was also supposed to be, but revelations in therapy and changes in medications have made things different. Just… it exists. 

Content Warning: ⚠️ Mental illness, sensory overload, anxiety and panic attacks, self harm ideation, self harm (cutting), suicidal language/suggestiveness, kinda graphic depiction. Other stuff I don’t know how to tag, just generally take caution. Hopeful ending. 

Word Count 7.3k

Sometimes rabbit holes are hard to climb out of.

Sitting at your desk alone, waiting for your boys to come home, it was easy to dig yourself deeper. The cars on the street below you were too loud. The overhead lights were too bright and the draft from the windows was far too strong. The inclination to sink into your own thoughts was hard to resist, especially since you didn’t realize you were doing it.

Today really fucking sucks. I feel like I can’t do anything. I can’t eat right, I can’t sleep right, and I certainly can’t do my schoolwork correctly. I’m overdue on returning a library book and I haven’t scheduled that very important meeting with my advising professor. Everything is working out and my life is going dandy right now, but holy fucking shit do I feel like a massive failure.

They always say to reach out for help. The professionals say “you have people who love you, they want you to come to them.” God if that isn’t further from the truth. Sure, my mom told me she was proud of me yesterday, even after I told her I can’t graduate with honors like I planned to do. Sure, my friends tell me all the time that I’m funny and smart, but they’re just being nice to me. They don’t like making fun of people. Maybe my grandma cried the other day over the phone because I’m the only grandchild who calls to ask how she’s doing, but I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do.

I’m the bare minimum. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I’ll never live up to my potential or to the expectations of the people that I love.

I don’t even think that I’m enough for Steven anymore.

If I’m not enough for him, then I really have nothing at all, don’t I? There’s no question either, if I’m too much of a fuck up for him, I’m certainly not good enough for Marc or even Jake. Hell, the way I’m performing right now, Jake Lockley probably wouldn’t even give me the time of day.

Rabbit holes are hard to climb out of, especially when you’re alone.

There wasn’t anything in particular that made today worse than any of the others. By some metrics, in fact, it was a very good day. You had gotten an A on your midterm exam. You’d found a twenty-dollar bill inside of your coat pocket. Hell, someone had even left your favorite dessert in the break room, and you’d gotten to eat a serving of it between class and work. It should have been a good day, but it just wasn’t.

That’s the thing that people don’t understand about being ill. It’s just that: an illness. It doesn’t matter how much you eat healthy, or how much you exercise. It doesn’t matter how much meditation you do or how much you write in your diary or how much you pray to God—sometimes a day is just going to suck. It’s not rational, or even understandable, but that’s the truth of the matter. Sometimes sick people just… feel sick.

Steven understood that. So did Marc, and so did Jake. If there was anything in this world that they did understand, it’s that sometimes a person can be their own worst enemy. They understood that it wasn’t your fault, and they understood that some days were harder than others. The compassion that you couldn’t have for yourself? Well, they somehow always managed to have it.

You were convinced, though, that they wouldn’t have it today.

This has to be the final straw for them, doesn’t it? They’re going to come home and the dishes won’t be done, the laundry will still be dirty, and there won’t even be dinner on the table for them to eat. I’m going to have to tell them I don’t have a reason for it. I didn’t get it done only because I’m lazy and the lights were too bright. They’re going to laugh at me. They’re going to hate me.

Steven Grant is going to hate me.

I think maybe that’s what I deserve. He's so much more than me, isn’t he? They all are. They’ve been through so much, and yet they’re so strong and so wise. Steven is so kind. But look at me. I’m not… any of those things, am I? I’m all the wrong things. Too big, too awkward, too stupid. I’m not enough for him. I’m not enough for any of them, and I think maybe today they’re going to realize that. I don’t know if I can handle that.

It was half-past seven now. Steven would be coming home from his shift any moment. Or someone would. Whoever was fronting tonight didn’t really matter. It was all going to end the same way, you were convinced. You moved from the desk, tired of the weight on your back, and curled yourself up on the floor of the study. It wasn’t exactly a screaming and crying kind of panic, but it was still panic.

Why can’t I just do more? Why can’t I get up and get all of these chores done, right here and right now? Nothing’s stopping me. I know exactly what to do, I’ve done all of this a million times or more. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. Why can’t I just get up and do it?

It wasn’t just that, though. How much easier it would have been if it was, but it wasn’t.

Why can’t I do anything right? I can’t even be sad right. Why can’t I cry? Maybe they would understand if I was crying. God, what if they yell at me? I don’t know what to do if they yell at me. Please don’t yell at me. Just get up and do the damn chores. Just do something. Do something.

They’re going to yell at me.

This is all so pathetic. I’m being dramatic, but I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I’m coming out of my skin. I feel like I’m ready to explode or implode or just wither away. I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I can’t stop it, though, and it makes me feel like I’m insane. I feel like I’m out of control. I want to feel in control. I want to be in control.

I want to be in control. How do I take back control?

You heard the familiar footsteps coming down the hall, instinctively curling in on yourself a little bit more. You had memorized the sound and usually it brought you a warm and welcoming feeling. Today, though, it only made your pounding heart sink deeper into your chest. You braced yourself resignedly for the yelling and anger, or at the very least for the disappointment. Honestly, you didn’t know which one of them was worse.

It was Marc Spector who walked through the front door of the apartment. Admittedly, you couldn’t tell that he was at the front just by his body language, but luckily the boys were used to announcing themselves as they came through the door. It made things easier, and they knew that it comforted you.

“Hey, baby,” he started, the keys clinking in his hands as the door latched shut behind him. He was the only one who called you that. “I didn’t mean to be so late, but we got distracted on the walk home. Why’re you sitting in the dark? Are you here?”

You didn’t have the energy to answer him. Well, you had the energy, but you didn’t have the confidence. That, and you couldn’t really find your voice under all of the panic. Your tongue was too heavy in your mouth, and you were nauseous. You feared if you opened your mouth, it wouldn’t be words that came spilling out. Marc ventured further inside and finally spotted you, hugging your knees in the space between the desk and the wardrobe. He tilted his head and widened his eyes in concern, and you could feel the heat on your face.

“You okay?” He furrowed his brows when you didn’t answer him. You could only look up at him, breathing slowly around the lump in your throat, and you wanted to bury your head right back into your knees when you saw the look on his face. Of course he was going to be concerned, and you were going to have to tell him he had no reason to be. It didn’t make sense for it to be so difficult, though. Why couldn’t you just make yourself speak up? It was the simplest thing.

“Did something happen?” His voice was low and little, and you managed to shake your head at his question. Some other feeling was fighting the paralysis now that he was here, but it wasn’t a good feeling. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes. “No? Well, are you hurt?”

Again, you shook your head. It was technically true, right? You weren’t hurt. You couldn’t really even pinpoint what was wrong with you. He pressed his lips into a thin line, surveying your body for any signs of damage. He found none, so Marc brought his hand up to touch your arm and you instinctively cowered away. You felt guilty as soon as you did it, but you couldn’t bear the thought of the pressure on your skin.

“I don’t know how to help, baby.”

That was what made the tears start to slowly stream. You didn’t feel the need to sob or choke, just to press your nose between your knees and hide your face from him as it contorted into a crying mess. For him to understand, you knew that you had to say something. It was just so hard to get anything out.

“I didn’t do the dishes,” you mumbled. Your admittance confused him and he moved to sit down across from you. You fought back a sob that tried to erupt from your throat. Hearing it out loud, you could understand how your words didn’t quite clear things up for him. “I didn’t do the laundry, either, and I haven’t made dinner.”

“Okay?” He almost laughed, but he could see anguish that you were in, so he stifled it. Marc waited for you to explain yourself further. It became clear you were having trouble with that, so he began to think meticulously through his answer.

“I’m sorry.” A sob broke around your words, but they were still unmistakable. His face twisted again into confusion and something that looked like offense. You hoped it wasn’t that.

“Why are you sorry?” he asked. That was a hard question for you to answer.

“I should have done it by now. I should have finished it all. You should be able to come home to a clean apartment and a warm meal, and I said that I would do it. I should have done it.”

The self-inflicted misogyny aside, he was shocked by your statement. Marc understood the mindset of having to please your housemates. When he was a child, skipping his chores meant more than just a few words of disappointment from his mom. But this wasn’t that. Marc had never, never yelled at you before, and he certainly didn’t expect you to do all of his housework for him. You were partners. You shared the responsibility.

“Honey, they’re just chores,” he tried to explain. He couldn’t imagine exactly where you were coming from, but he’d talked you down from enough panic attacks to at least know where he should start. “It’s okay. It’s not a big deal, and we can order take-out for dinner.”

You felt stupid. He wasn’t even mad, and you’d made such a big deal out of all of it. Of course he wasn’t going to yell at you. Marc would never yell at you. None of them would. You should feel relieved now, right? But you didn’t feel relieved. You just felt stupid.

“You with me?” He peered into your eyes with nothing but genuine softness. You couldn’t resist that look, not even in the state you were in. So, you pretended for him.

You nodded.

“Good. Come on, let’s get you somewhere more comfortable.”

Marc took your hands into his and helped you to your feet. Your limbs were stiff from sitting like that, and your chest was heavy from all of the worry. He gently led you over to the couch, coaxing you to sit down and pulling a throw blanket from the shelf under the coffee table. You shuddered as he opened it and tossed it over you. He noticed that you were shaking.

“I’m gonna order dinner, okay? You need to eat something.” Marc moved to pull his phone out of his coat pocket. You didn’t really feel hungry, more nausea than anything filling your gut right now. “I think that you’ll feel better after that.”

You put on a brave, numb face for the rest of the evening. Well, for the next little while, at least. Marc ordered one of your favorite meals for dinner, making sure to buy so much that you would have leftovers. He wasn’t too great of a cook himself, so he was used to ordering out after a long or busy day. When the food finally came, you nibbled at it just enough to prove to him that you were trying. It tasted pretty good, but you couldn’t be sure you would keep it down, and the thought of swallowing just made you shudder some more.

After a while, Marc had decided that you looked calm enough. He let Steven take control of the body once he finished his meal, the tiring day having weighed on him, too. He made sure to warn his alter to keep tabs on you, noting how you seemed to be having a particularly rough day. Steven had no problem with that, as he was more than happy to give you his attention no matter the circumstances.

He didn’t exactly know what he was getting himself into.

When dinner was done and you’d convinced Steven that you really couldn’t eat any more, he packaged the rest of your food in heat-safe boxes. He also did the dishes, which he meant as a gesture of affection. Steven didn’t realize that his simple act of service would send you farther down the spiral.

Now you felt guilty. Not only had you failed to do the housework you’d promised you would, but now he was picking up your slack. To you, that was just unacceptable. I’m so much more trouble than I’m worth, you thought. Maybe they were just dishes, but they felt like so much more than that to you. They were a symbol of your failure, a symbol of all of the good things that he was and the bad things that you were, and why you could never be deserving of him.

The familiar urge started to bubble in your chest. You knew you should have said something the minute you felt it, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to, not in the middle of the spiral that you’d already begun. It always started as a spike of energy, an ironically paralyzing energy, and a buzzing in your skin. From there, it would grow and evolve and mutate into something else. It was an urge to self-destruct, to punish yourself and gain control. It didn’t make any sense, not in the slightest, and it surely didn’t make sense now, but such was the nature of being ill.

It didn’t have to make sense. It just had to be.

You felt the heat draining from your body as you watched him pass the plates from the sink to the drying rack. The shivering was only beginning, and you knew already that nothing would help you get warm. Not a blanket, not a hug, not a piping hot cup of tea. This was the kind of chill that ran further than skin-deep. The sensation grew outward from your chest. It made you want to press your palms into your eyes and scratch at your skin until it was raw. A lump was starting to thicken in your throat, your saliva becoming too thick to swallow.

I can’t believe I’m letting them baby me like this. I should be taking care of him, not the other way around. They must be so tired of coddling me like this. I wonder if they think I’m too sensitive. They must think that. I am too sensitive. It’s a matter of time before they get enough of it and kick me to the curb. It must be. I just wish I could stop. I have to stop.

Steven was turned away from you, intently focused on the task at hand. He didn’t notice how you had gone pale. He had a chore to complete. He wasn’t one to leave a dish half-washed, so he had to meticulously scrub each plate until he was sure it was clean.

He’s even better than me at this. What else do I have to offer him?

You pulled yourself up from your seat at the table, making sure to drag the legs of the chair against the wood just enough to alert him to the movement. You shuffled over to the couch as he finished up at the sink. When you clicked the power button on the TV remote, it flashed on to reveal some old sitcom you weren’t interested in seeing. It would look normal, though, when Steven dried his hands and emerged from the kitchen to join you. He would think that you were okay, and that was a good thing. You didn’t want him to think that you weren’t okay.

“Can I join?” Steven meekly asked as you scuffled to one side of the couch to make room for him. He was wearing a soft expression that made you feel like he saw you as fragile. He looked away from you as he sat down. “I think I might stay up a bit tonight. I want to read this new book I got about Neferefre.”

“What is that?” You prompted him, knowing you were opening the conversation to a classic Steven Grant infodump. If you looked interested and you got him to start talking, he wouldn’t even notice how much of a mess you’d been today—and how much of a mess you were now.

Steven began his little spiel. The man he spoke of was apparently one of the pharaohs of Egypt, a prince who ascended to the throne and died young. You watched his face light up as he told you about the man. It wasn’t uncommon of him to lose himself entirely in his little stories about ancient Egyptian history. He would speak for hours if you let him, which was a relief, because you certainly didn’t know how to fill any gaps of silence. Steven’s eyes widened and glistened as he went on, touting knowledge to you that would impress even the most prestigious academics of the subject. 

His smile was such a pure and innocent thing. Steven was proud of himself, as he very well should have been, and he was happy that someone was here for him to share his knowledge with. It put into perspective for you just how much you didn’t compare. He was a living, breathing encyclopedia. A life-long researcher who would pour his heart and soul into the subjects he loved. In contrast, you were just going through the motions. You had reached your last semester of your undergrad, but you had no passion at all for your major anymore. Maybe you would get some fancy latin honor at your graduation, but you were by no means a good student, and you sure as hell weren’t an expert on the subject. 

Why can’t I just stop myself from spiraling? Why can’t I just be someone that he deserves?

It was getting to the point where you were afraid that the feeling in your chest was going to start boiling over. Your skin was on fire and you were covered in a thin layer of icy sweat that did nothing to calm you. You wanted to curl into a ball and rip out your hair. You wanted to rock yourself back and forth with your head between your knees, and you wanted most of all to take yourself apart piece by delicate piece. 

The urge was almost overwhelming. You had managed to hide this part of yourself from them for your entire relationship up to this point. Marc had his suspicions about your behavior in the past and Steven had noticed your sensitivity and lapses in communication, but neither of them had ever been there with you when you had an episode of self harm. You’d been in recovery when you first started dating them, and you’d only broken your clean streaks on occasions where they weren’t around. They didn’t really know what to look for and they didn’t know how close to the edge you really were. 

You were very, very close to it. 

Steven blinked at you confusedly. He’d asked you a question, apparently, and you’d failed to hear it over the pounding thud of your heartbeat inside of your ears. There was no denying that you’d spaced out while talking to him, no pretending your mind wasn’t clearly somewhere far away from here. He raised his eyebrows at you as you widen your gaze and pressed your lips together, pulling yourself back to him. 

“Sorry, I just have had a long day, love,” you tried to deflect his unyielding inclination to peer into you. Steven Grant was a caregiver, an innate protector of those who were mentally vulnerable, and you certainly fit that category right now, but you would be damned if you let him baby you. Or, god forbid, worry about you. “I wanted to hear about your Pharoah guy, but I think I’m too tired to take it all in.”

You hoped he would ignore the fact that, despite your words, you seemed to be vibrating with nervous energy. The last thing you’d ever want to do was make Steven worry. You hoped to God that he couldn’t see the panic rising within you, stirring up the familiar frenzy in your limbs and enticing you to have a rendezvous with your razor in the bathroom. 

He scooped you into his arms, pressing around you with a calming strength that almost touched the chill underneath your skin. Your body was half-limp as Steven encased you in a sturdy hug. He nuzzled his face into your neck and he breathed you in with an exhausted sigh. 

“It’s alright. I’ll talk about him later.” Steven hummed into your skin, no doubt just as tired as Marc had been. “I’m sorry about your long day. It’s okay now, though. You can just relax with me.”

Guilty. Stupid. 

“Okay. Thank you, baby.” You swallowed hard and dipped your head into his chest. Steven’s grip around you was strong, but casual. To him, as far as you could tell, you appeared to be doing just fine. A little tired, a little shaky, but overall just fine. That was a good thing, right? You were glad to not be worrying him. But some primal part of you was screaming to tell him you needed his help. You suppressed that part—it was bound to make things worse for you both. 

There was silence for a little while. The television droned on, drawing small, breathy laughs from Steven and smiles from you in response to his laughs. The beating of his heart against your ear served to chip slowly away at your unease, dampening the pounding in your head. The pressure in your chest released bit by bit. The unspeakable urge fizzled out from your hands just a little. You finally were starting to feel like you could breathe normally, when a stray thought drew Steven away from the telly. 

“When you did laundry today,” the words shot hot iron spikes through your ribcage. You froze in place, “did you happen to see my green button-up? The one with the stripes. I was going to wear it tomorrow to the museum holiday party, but I couldn’t find it when I looked this morning.”

How could you respond to him? You’d have to tell him it wouldn’t be clean in time for the party. You hadn’t washed it. You had not even touched the laundry today, in fact. You’d come home from work a few hours ago and plopped right down at your desk, wasting the evening away instead of doing the chores that you’d promised. 

“I’m sorry,” you began. His lips turned downward into a puzzled grimace. “The laundry isn’t done. I don’t know if your shirt is in there, but if it is, it’s not clean. You won’t be able to wear it tomorrow.”

“Oh.” His face remained as puzzled as it was, now tinged with disappointment as well. You couldn’t live with his disapproval, no matter how much your body and mind seemed incapable of performing correctly. 

“But I can go wash it right now! It will be ready by morning if I start a load—”

“No, no. Don’t worry about it, darling. It’s late, and it’s just a shirt. I can wear something else to the party. God knows Donna won’t appreciate the effort I put into my outfit anyway.” He bore an uneven smile and grazed the back of your neck with his hand, pushing your head back down to rest on his chest. 

The coil around your heart re-tightened. 

You laid in his arms as long as you could manage to sit still. Soon enough, the shaking of your bones and the pounding in your chest was so strong that it would be noticeable if you continued to sit in his grasp. So, with a shy cough and a fake, lopsided smile, you excused yourself to the bathroom. 

Stupid. 

Stupid. Stupid! Stupid! You couldn’t believe the way you were behaving. Why couldn’t you just be normal for one single day? Why did you have to worry your boys, why did you have to be so miserable, and why did your heart still threaten to beat right out of your chest even though Steven had held you in his arms and told you everything was okay? Stupid. So fucking stupid and pathetic and whiny and stupid. 

You could feel the ice trickling down your spine, sinking into the curves of your ribs and clenching your muscles tense. The heat of your anger—at yourself and at the world, but mostly at yourself—did nothing to warm the deep chill in your bones. 

Be fucking useful for once. 

The sound of the electricity was too loud, the light coming under the door too bright. You banged your open palms against your head, curling them into fists and pounding harder when the noise only grew more irritating. Your breathing was rapid and empty, silent tears streamed down your face. Your knuckles drummed against your skull forcefully, over and over and over again, until the action was automatic and numb. 

Stop being a burden. Stop being stupid. Steven has been through more shit than you ever will have gone through. You’re a useless fucking partner to him. Stop wasting space. 

The dull knocking against your head wasn’t nearly enough. The seething inside your bones demanded something more. Something urgent and strong. You grew tired of the motion and lowered your hands, leaning into the dizzying soreness at the sides of your scalp. Your heart began to calm, unbeknownst to the agony in the rest of your body. 

Stop wasting space. 

You clutched the vanity. Your now-raw knuckles were white and the room was spinning. Maybe if you’d eaten more, you’d feel the need to throw up. 

Stop taking up space. 

The way that your hand rose to the medicine cabinet made you feel like an observer inside your own skin. For a passing, ever-so tiny moment, you wondered if this was what Jake felt. What Marc felt. Was this what Steven Grant felt when he wasn’t in control?

No, surely not. This was you taking control. 

You weren’t one to show yourself mercy. Even in something like this, where mercy was a severely relative term. The thoughtful thing to have done would have been to grab your razor from the shelf, or taken one of Steven’s replacement razors from the pack beside the mouthwash. A sharp, unyielding weapon for a clean, quick punishment. You didn’t want to cut yourself open, though. That would be too generous, too easy. 

You didn’t want something smooth, something to leave  pretty and even stripes in delicate skin, like guiding lines on an empty notebook sheet. No, you didn’t want to cut yourself deep. This was visceral, personal. You wanted to rip yourself apart. 

From the top shelf, you grabbed the old and rusty scissors that you had left in the bathroom for your spur-of-the-moment haircuts and for cutting tags off of new clothes. They were dull and awkward and hardly able to cut warm butter at this point, which is exactly what you were going for. 

Stop. Being. Stupid. 

You didn’t know if it made you feel better or made you feel worse, but it made you feel. Digging the blade into your skin, jabbing the open edge into your thigh after pulling parallel strokes on your forearms, it made you feel more in-control than you had all day. It was intoxicating. It was all-consuming. Before you knew it, you had fallen into a trance of sorts and the repetition was only halted by the realization that you had to breathe eventually. 

A sharp breath in. Pain. A slow, shaky exhale. Stupid. A stifled cough, a desperate sucking in of air. Useless. A wheezing huff, like a deflating balloon. 

Tired. 

The blade slipped away from your hand and clattered unenthusiastically onto the floor. There wasn’t nearly as much blood as there could have been. Your teeth chattered, and now, despite having barely grazed dinner, you feared that you might up-chuck. A low groan tumbled out of your lungs as you crouched over the toilet bowl, thick red streams trickling down to the creases of your skin. You heaved once, then twice, then the vague remnants of your dinner were out of your stomach and the pressure against your chest forced a cry from your lips. 

You sighed, flushed, and slumped into a weak puddle on the tile. There was a knock at the door. 

“Darling?”

No. No. No no no nononono. What did I do? Your mind was racing and your heart had re-started its blunt assault on the inside of your ribs, but your limbs were like jello. Your tongue was like sand. He can’t see me like this! 

“You sound like you’re sick. Was it the dinner, love? Let me hold your hair back, at least.”

He can’t see me like this. I can’t do that to him. But you couldn’t move, either. You could barely keep your eyes open. You tried to yell at him to go away, but your lungs were too heavy to muster more than a hoarse whisper. That was if you could even get your lips to part. 

Guilty. 

You could hear Steven’s breath rattle on the other side of the door. “You’re worrying me. I’m going to open the door now, yeah? Don’t mean to pry, of course, but sure as I don’t, you’ll have hit your head on the sink or something and be out cold—”

He’d turned the knob on the bathroom door—the stupid old thing never did lock correctly, you’d been meaning to get that fixed—and pushed his way inside, only to stop dead in his tracks the moment he saw you. 

Your pale and shaking hands clenched your knees, blood lazily tricking into your elbow’s crease and tapping the floor in a steady drip. It wasn’t nearly an amount of blood loss to be worried about, but that didn’t matter to him. There was blood dripping onto the floor, and it was coming from you. Steven’s color drained from his face as he watched the forming puddle for a moment. He didn’t move, his eyes wide and his mouth agape, and his hand still lingering on the doorknob. After a few seconds, he gathered a shaky breath and broke his gaze away. 

“What happened?” 

His voice was whining, panicky. You could see sweat beading on his forehead as he knelt across from you. He trailed his hand up your arm, looking for the incisions that were causing the flow. His fingers were careful not to touch the long, parallel slits that ran up toward your wrists. You heard a breathless whimper leave his lips as he pulled your arms up, revealing the jagged, shallow puncture wounds in your thighs that looked just as bad. 

“Darling, what happened?” He was more urgent now, his voice louder and demanding. “Are you hearing me?”

He grabbed the nearest towel from the shelf under the sink, wrapping it around the wrist closest to him and pressing the other one underneath. Steven’s breathing was shallow and his eyes danced rapidly between your forearms, your thighs, and your face. Try as you might, you couldn’t keep your eyes focused on him. It was all that you could do to keep them open at all. He continued pleading with you, but his voice was distant in your head. 

Tired. 

“What have you done?” You didn’t know if his intention was for you to answer. “Why did you—what did you do to yourself? I don’t understand. I don’t… I don’t…” 

His breath was quickening. You tried to pull your head together, to ignore the pounding in your skull and force your eyes to work. Weakly, you wiggled your fingers. If they could move, perhaps the rest of you could as well. Your tongue was as heavy as lead in your mouth, but you forced it up anyway. The wheezing breath you drew caught his attention immediately. 

“I’m sorry.” The tears that had welled in his eyes began spilling over, painting his cheeks as he tried desperately to blink them out of the way. Steven wrung a towel under the sink as you drew another gasp. “You weren’t supposed to see.”

“Why?” He scoffed and you shook your head. The dull thump in your head was winning out. Words were failing you. Apparently they were failing him to, as he couldn’t muster much more than “I don’t understand.”

You had done this enough to know it would take a few minutes for the bleeding to stop. Nothing was deep enough for stitches, though the divots on your legs would threaten to scar for sure. Steven grew more distressed, though, as the seconds ticked forward and the wounds refused to wipe clean. Firm and steady pressure seemed to be too slow a solution and panic was painted plainly on his face. 

You felt the need to explain to him. You had to make him understand. 

“I had to do it.” He held his breath as you began to speak. Steven looked terrified. “I deserve this. It feels… right. I had to. I had to.”

“No, you didn’t,” he insisted. “You don’t deserve this. Why would you deserve this? Is it because of the laundry? You can’t have done this because of a load of clothes…”

“Not the laundry,” You breathed, interjecting. “It’s everything. I’m not good enough. I can’t do anything right. I’m a waste of space. I have to stop taking up space. Your space.”

“You're not.” He uttered immediately. Steven seemed to be choking on his next words. He stared at the blood soaking through your bandages. “You’re not… you’re…”

He pressed his eyes shut and your voice was loud in your head as you let your own heavy eyelids flutter closed. He’s finally getting it, isn’t he? I’m no good for him. This is the final straw. 

More trouble than I’m worth. 

Stop wasting space. 

You resigned yourself to the damage you’d done to him. The three of them were better off without you here. You’d leave them alone now. They’d kick you out and you’d move back in with your mother. At least she was used to being disappointed by you. You could handle her disdain, but not theirs. 

So fucking tired. 

“You’re not a waste of space.” His voice broke you away from the deep crevice in your mind that you’d sank into. “Mi Tesoro, how could you ever think that about yourself? You are plenty good enough.”

Jake unwrapped the wounds that Steven had dressed so haphazardly. If medical training was a contest between the three of them, Steven was certainly in line for the bronze, while Jake could perform surgery with kitchen utensils if prompted to. They had finally stopped bleeding, but the cuts needed a layer of antibiotics if they had any chance of healing right. Especially considering the rust on that gross pair of scissors.

“I scared him.” You didn’t need to elaborate. The absolute mess that you’d made of yourself had thrown Steven into a panic, sending him so far back in the headspace that Jake Lockley was forced to come out to take the reins. 

“Yes, you did. But he’ll be alright.” Jake’s voice was steady and smooth, and he was finished with your bandages before you even realized it. “You’ll be alright, too. Just try not to mess with these.”

“You’re never going to look at me the same. Any of you.”

“Maybe that’s true,” he admitted, “but that doesn’t matter. You can’t scare us away that easily.”

He lifted you by your shoulders, helping you stand against the bathroom wall. The floor was riddled with blood and towels and bandages, and your shirt and pants were far from clean. Jake was careful not to put pressure on your wounds as he supported your weight. You started toward the living room. 

“I would guess that you’ve done this before.” He guided you step by step to the couch. You say gently against the cushion, curling back into a ball as your eyelids gave up altogether on staying open. “But not since I’ve met you. Why did you start this again tonight?”

“I deserved it,” you repeated. There was no other way to explain it, or rather, no explanation you had the energy for. “I needed it.”

“We’re going to talk about this later.” He knew that you didn’t have the energy for a conversation right now. That didn’t mean that he’d save his ultimatum, though. Just because you couldn’t talk didn’t mean he couldn’t. He placed a blanket over you, leaving for a few moments to grab some water and painkillers. Plus, a package of crackers that he would force you to nibble on later. 

“You didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it. There’s nothing you could ever do to make you worthy of something like that. I can’t speak for the other two, but I’ve never met someone so loving, so wonderful. Eres la mejor persona que he conocido. There’s nothing you’d ever do to make you deserve that.”

Silent tears slipped down your face as he continued, and his voice wavered as he spoke. You assumed, though your eyes wouldn’t open, that we was fighting tears as well. 

“You really scared us, but we’re not angry at you. We’re not scared of you. We just can’t bear to see you hurt yourself. You know that you can’t be in pain without us hurting, too. We’re scared because we don’t know how to help. You have to tell us what’s wrong, so we can make sure you don’t hurt anymore.”

“But I need to.” I need to hurt. How else am I going to stay in control?

“No, chica, you don’t.” The cushion shifted underneath you, indicating that he’d sat down beside you. “You need help. Not this. Nothing good comes from this. We don’t want to see you like this. Not ever again.”

How else am I supposed to stay in control?

“Please promise me you’ll talk to me about this, alright? I want to hear all of it. I want to know why this is happening.”

“I don’t want to bother you.” Sleep was weighing on you by now. Thoughts drifted out of your lips without restraint, but they threatened to cease altogether as your limbs grew heavy. 

“You won’t bother me. This bothers me. Nothing that you could say would bother me. I want to hear about everything. Every thought that leads to this, you say it to me first.”

There was a pause that almost let you drift off completely. 

“That goes for the others as well. We all want you to talk to us. No matter when, no matter where. Okay?”

I can’t put this burden on them—

“Promise me!”

You pried your eyes open one last time. Jake’s gaze was pleading and tears were streaming down his face. He looked plenty burdened already. He was right. Nothing could be worse than this. You couldn’t ever hurt them more than this. And now that the urge had come and passed, the dull ache in your arms and the stinging in your thighs was a sore reminder of how little it was worth it. Not to mention the pain in your head. 

“I promise.”

Sometimes, when you say something out loud, you realize how ridiculous it sounds. It helps to keep you in check, and it keeps you from being your own worst enemy. If nothing else, it gives you perspective and keeps you from forgetting your voice. And before you ask, no. I’m not okay, but I am in therapy and on medication. Take it or leave it.

p.s. I started this fic obviously in a bad mood, and then I wrote most of it when I was no longer in a bad mood. For that reason, it may be gibberish. Don’t think of the reader as yourself. That’s probably unhealthy. Thank you to my beta readers, @moonmoonboys and @rmoonstoner

[all-about-kyu]

Summary: The universe has a funny way of working; maybe you should let it do what it plans. Pairing: ragdoll kitty!Taeyong x fem!reader x dutch rabbit!Doyoung Tropes: hybrid au, high school au, uni au Genre: fluff, angst Rating: PG Warnings: hybrids, mentions of prejudice, language, anxiety, breakups Part 1 Word Count: 6,409 Note: thank you to @kthpurplesyou @raibebe and @daesukiii​ for beta/ proofreading this!!!

Part 2

Neo Hybridverse Masterlist || Dotae Masterlist

High School: Spring of Freshman Year

You love this little fair your friend dragged you to. It was in the town neighboring yours, but you can’t be bothered by that. You enjoy the rides and snacking on fair foods (mainly funnel cake). Her mom dropped you off here and told you to call her when you were ready to return to your friend’s home. You were doing your best to keep your slightly younger friend distracted. Throughout the entire night, she had been getting dirty looks, and you knew why: being a fox hybrid, she always got glares from people. It didn’t matter that she was genuinely one of the sweetest people you knew. They immediately assumed that she was shifty because of the pointed ears on her head.

“Hey, what about this?” she enthuses, dragging you in another direction.

“Slow down,” you laugh lightly, “we can stay as late as my curfew.”

She’s far too excited about whatever she sees. Suddenly though, she stops dead in her tracks. The abrupt stop makes you nearly knock her to the ground. Her tail gently bats against your shin; she’s focusing on something. You see a boy around your age when you look where she’s looking. He’s some sort of cat hybrid; his ears are a pale grey, and his tail matches the shade, with the underside white.

You nudge her, hoping to regain her attention. You gently run a finger along her silver ear when nudging her doesn’t work, making it twitch reflexively. She pins her ears down to her hair, showing you her annoyance.

“Why are you staring at that boy? You like him?” you tease.

She makes a gagging noise, “No! That’s my cousin!”

“He’s a… cat hybrid?”

She huffs at you, “Our grandma is a kitty, but grandpa is a fox. His mom is a kitty, and my mom is a fox. Did you not pay attention to your biology class?”

“I haven’t gotten to the genetics unit of the course yet…”

She doesn’t respond and instead drags you toward the kitty hybrid. Your younger friend seems to be fixated on getting to him. She holds onto your hand tightly and weaves through the crowd. Once you’re close enough, she starts tiptoeing to sneak up on him. Not that she really needed to be quiet. It was a loud public setting, after all. She looks back at you with a sly grin before taking a deep breath and barking. The kitty boy jumps a mile high due to the shock, adding a hiss in for good measure.

“What the hell?” he whines, “That was completely unnecessary.”

“No, it wasn’t!” she laughs, “I scared you. It was fun!”

“Whatever, what are you doing here anyway? I’m surprised your mom let you come out here. Ya know, with being a baby still.” he teases.

“I am not a baby!” the fox whines

“You’re still in middle school.” he deadpans.

She ushers you to stand beside her, “I’m not alone! I have my friend with me.”

You finally get a good look at the boy in front of you. He’s gorgeous. He’s not extremely tall, though; that can change still, and he has eyes that suck you in and hold you hostage. He has a smile resting on his lips. It’s pretty. You’ve had a few crushes before, but none of them made your heart beat the way it is when you look at him. You can’t say a single word when you make eye contact with him. Your mouth opens and closes several times, but no words come out.

“Oh! This is my cousin, Taeyong.” she explains, “He’s a year older than you.”

“Do you go to the high school here?” You shake your head, “No, I live a town over. She just dragged me here for the fair.”

“Well, if you ever want someone to hang out with that isn’t her, you know me now.” He pats his sides briefly before pulling a pen out of his pocket.  

“Can I have your hand for a second?” you give him your hand. He writes a phone number on it—the feeling of the pen tickling against the heel of your palm as he writes. “That’s my number. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to answer all the time. My mom is rather… insistent on phone time limits… but I’ll answer whenever I can.”

He offers you a sweet smile, then rubs his hand against his younger cousin’s hair. She makes an odd noise and pushes his hand away. She quickly moves to fix her hair and the fur of her ears. He chuckles at her, smiling like she’s his younger sister rather than a cousin.

“I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow, dummy,” he affectionately teases.

“You won’t,” she calls after him, “She’s staying over tonight.”

“So I’ll just see both of you!” he calls back, not turning around still.

Taeyong disappears into the crowd, his bushy grey tail swishing as he walks, and you’re left with your younger fox friend. She looks at you to gauge your thoughts. You’re not sure where your thoughts are at the moment. You look down at your palm where his number is written. The blue ink seems to jump out.

“You like him, don’t you?”

“What?! I just met him. What are you talking about?”

“You like him,” she sing-songs, “I should have you text my mom to pick me up, and you can stay here and find Taeyong again. He’s probably hanging around that bunny boy he’s friends with.”

“Do not.” you whine, “Let’s just go back to yours… I wanna charge my phone.”

When you return to your friend’s house, she’s half asleep. She hardly processes what’s happening as she does her nightly routine. You chuckle at her behavior and follow suit, plugging your phone in for good measure. You’re not nearly as exhausted as her, but you don’t know where her sudden exhaustion came from. She flops down on her bed and almost instantly is asleep. Her mom had set up a mattress on the floor beside her bed for you to sleep on.

You lay down on the makeshift bed for a while, not doing anything for a moment. Then your mind starts wandering to what happened earlier in the afternoon. Taeyong seemed to be rather intriguing, not just in physical appearance. Yes, he’s drop-dead gorgeous, but something about his aura also makes you insanely curious about the kitty hybrid. Shifting your weight, you look over at your charging phone. It’s within reach, and you haven’t yet added his number to your phone. Now’s good a time as ever, you suppose. Shimmying your way up the mattress, you reach out for your phone. You’re nearly blinded by the brightness, having adjusted to the room’s darkness. You type the number on your palm into your phone and get a giddy, butterfly feeling when it is saved. Your fox friend was teasing you when she claimed that you like him, but maybe an itty bitty crush is developing. It probably won’t go anywhere, though, he goes to a different school, and you probably won’t see him more than once a month, if that.

You at 10:45pm || Hey! Just letting you know this is y/n :)

Taeyong at 10:46 pm || Hi :D what are you doing awake still?

You at 10:46 pm || Your lovely cousin fell asleep already and I’m just not tired

Taeyong at 10:48pm || So I’m a second choice 😞 || I see how it is 😞

You giggle slightly at his message and quickly quiet yourself when your friend shifts on her bed. You know her hearing is sensitive, but you can never be sure how sensitive it is, especially when sleeping. Sometimes it’s extremely sensitive, and she sleeps like the dead other times. When you’re sure she’s still asleep, you look back at your screen to see another message from Taeyong.

Taeyong at 10:51 pm || I can’t sleep either. Wanna maybe call? We don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable or if my cousin decided to be a light sleeper tonight.

You at 10:52 || I’d really like that actually 😊

It only takes a few more moments before your phone vibrates with an incoming call. You let it ring a few times, feeling how your heartbeat slightly picks up in pace. Finally, you press the accept button and stay quiet. You’re not sure what you’re meant to say.

“I thought you weren’t going to answer for a minute,” you hear Taeyong chuckle.

“I wouldn’t do that,” you respond, “I said I wanted to chat after all.

There’s a short moment of silence. It’s not immensely awkward, but it’s not extremely comfortable. You hear him sigh, and you hum in response. When he doesn’t respond, you speak up louder.

“What’s on your mind?” you question.

“Nothing.”

“Taeyong,” you respond, “we’ve only known each other for a few hours, but I know something’s off.”

He chuckles. “You and Doyoung would get along. He always knows when something’s wrong.”

There’s another short pause between you. Neither of you says a thing, but you hear something akin to a trill. You chuckle lightly as you reposition to be lying on your side.

“What’s Doyoung like? I think I should at least have an idea considering I’m meeting him tomorrow.”

“You hardly know me, and you’re already trying to get to my best friend,” he teases.

“It’s not like-”

“I know, I know,” he replies, “Doyoung… is a pain in my ass,” he laughs, “Seriously though, he’s an amazing friend. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s saved me more than a few times.”

“He seems like a good friend to you,” you say, yawning afterward.

“You already getting tired?” Taeyong teases again.

“A little. I still wanna talk, though.”

“We can keep talking. Fall asleep when you want to,” he offers.

You chat for a few more minutes before your eyelids get heavy. You’re not sure when you stopped responding to Taeyong or when you entirely fell asleep, but you felt happy and comfortable. It just seemed right to talk with him as if you’ve known each other forever.

“You bitch!” you wake up to your friend yelling in your ear, “You told me you didn’t have a crush on Taeyong!”

“H-huh?” you grumble, half asleep, “What are you talking about?”

“Explain this!” she enthuses, holding your phone up.

You were still on a call with the older kitty hybrid, clocking in at just over 10 hours. You don’t have anything you can say to your silver fox friend. That’s when you hear a noise similar to a purr mixed with a meow. Your younger friend smirks, and you give her a look to beg her not to do anything.

“Good morning, dearest cousin!” she chirps, “Did you sleep well?”

“What the fuck?” he groans.

You huff before snatching your phone from her hand. She makes a bark-like noise and flops down on her bed.

“Good morning, Taeyong,” you sigh, “Sorry I forgot to hang up last night.”

“No, no,” his voice is still laced with sleep, “I fell asleep not long after you. I should’ve hung up before I fell asleep.”

“O-okay, I’ll see you tonight at dinner, right?”

“Yeah, see you tonight.”

You hang up the call and see your younger friend already giving you a knowing look. You roll your eyes at her and flop back on your makeshift bed. You know she wants an explanation, and you simply don’t have one.

You go about your day without addressing the elephant in the room. You enjoy your time with her as you always do. Then dinner rolls around. You’re expecting Taeyong to treat you just like he does his cousin. When he walks through the door with his parents and another boy, you’re confused at first before you notice the greyish-brown rabbit ears on his head. They stand out against his dark hair, but you find it rather cute. You deduce that the other boy must be Doyoung, the rabbit friend Taeyong mentioned to you last night.

Another surprise follows the initial one of meeting Doyoung. Taeyong walks right up to you and stops meer steps from you.

“Can I give you a hug?” he asks.

“Y-yeah, you can,” you offer a shy smile.

Taeyong wraps his arms around you, and when you wrap your arms around him as well, you can hear a soft purr escape his throat. His tail swishes out of happiness, lightly hitting your calf occasionally. When he pulls away, you see a big, bright smile resting on his lips. You immediately feel a smile taking over your lips as well.

“Since when do you have a girlfriend?” you hear someone call.

“Shut up, Doyoung. It’s not like that.”

“You sure? I can smell you, you know.”

Taeyong fully releases you and drags his younger friend into another room. He likely assumes you’re out of earshot, but you’re not. Instead, you hear Taeyong scold his friend and tell him not to say anything about it. He had recently presented, you found out, and he still can’t fully control it at times.

The dinner is relatively uneventful. Between Taeyong’s mom and your friend’s mom bickering as any sister duo would - which is actually rather amusing to you, you and Taeyong share small glances throughout the meal. In turn, Doyoung gives his friend playfully disgusted looks whenever he does so, and your fox hybrid friend continually nudges you to give you a look that you choose not to decipher for the sake of your friendship. After you finish your dinner, you start to clean up your place. Taeyong isn’t far behind you. He hip-checks you lightly and offers you another shy smile.

“You wanna sit outside for a little bit? It’s really nice out, and the lightning bugs are beautiful at this time of night.” Taeyong asked, a little unsure.

“I’d love that,” you smile softly.

Your friend and Doyoung somehow disappeared into thin air when you turned around to see if they would be joining you. Something tells you they’re just watching some show in the living room with the adults, but you don’t bother trying to find them. You find yourself sitting on the back porch with Taeyong in silence for a few moments. It’s, again, a comfortable silence.

“You feel it too, right?” he asks.

When you look over at him, you can’t help but feel the air get stolen from your lungs. Even now, he looks gorgeous in just a plain hoodie and some jeans. The outdoor lighting strung across the porch beams make him look indescribable. He’s the most stunning and comforting person in the world.

“Feel what?” you ask, sliding closer to him on the couch on the porch.

“I don’t know,” he says, “Something between us just seems right.”

“Right meaning?”

“You wanna try dating?” he asks candidly.

“Trying to make sure I don’t get stolen away by your best friend?” you tease, nudging him before placing your head on his shoulder, “I like the idea of that.”

He laces your fingers together, “You still on spring break tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“How about a date then?”

“Who’s gonna drive me to our date?”

“I just started driving, so I can pick you up!”

You sit there for a few moments. It’s all so peaceful; the gentle sound of crickets and cicadas chirping are the only noises you hear. You didn’t think you’d get a boyfriend from the sleepover with your friend, but here you are.

Spring: Junior Year of High School

“Hey, baby! You still coming over today?” you ask over the phone.

“Yeah, I am,” Taeyong muses, “Jae asked me to drive him and his classmate to his house on the way.”

“Oh?” you ask, “Is it that Basenji he swears he hates?”

“Nosy, nosy,” your boyfriend teases.

“What?” you chuckle, “You know that boy is in love with her.”

“I know, I know,” he laughs back, “It is her, though. I can’t wait to see how it plays out.”

You’re lounging around your house waiting for Taeyong and, by proxy, Doyoung to get here. You’ve been texting back and forth with Doyoung. He’s always been your source of drama since you started dating his best friend. He told you how he swears that Jaehyun will start dating this girl by the end of the year, he even tried to make a bet, but you declined the offer.

You hear a knock at your front door, followed by your mother greeting the two guests. When you come downstairs, you already see the kitty and bunny hybrid standing in the entryway with your mom, sharing a few polite words. Upon noticing you, Taeyong drops his bag on the coat closet bench and slips past your mom and Doyoung to wrap you up in a hug and kiss the crown of your head.

“Sweetheart, I’m heading out for that board meeting. I’ll be back later, okay?” your mother hums.

“Okay, Mom, we’ll be okay here.”

“I know you will,” she smiles at you, and is out the door.

You and the two hybrid boys sit on the rug in your room. There’s a perfectly good small couch and a bed you can sit on, but somehow you all silently agree that the area rug was the most comfortable. You and Doyoung work on your homework for a shared class while Taeyong lets out different annoyed sounds across from you.

“You okay, kitty?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he sighs.

“You don’t sound okay,” Doyoung points out, putting his pencil down.

“I’m checking my application statuses to universities,” he admits, “There’s only like two that haven’t responded yet, the two I most want to go to. It’s stressful.”

Your heart drops a little bit, hearing what he’s doing. He’s often said he wants to go abroad for his degree. It’s a significant worry in your mind. You scoot toward him, abandoning the history notebook. You place your head against his shoulder, looking at his laptop screen.

“That’s really far away,” you note.

“Which one?” Doyoung asks, looking at his textbook still.

“University of Southern California,” Taeyong responds, “It’s an excellent school for journalism.”

“That- that is really far. So you’re really set on going abroad for university, huh?” Doyoung reiterates with worry in his tone.

Taeyong looks away from his laptop to his friend, then drops his gaze down to you. He can read you both like books. He knows you’re both worried about him. To ease your worries, he leans the top of his laptop down, not entirely shutting it, kisses your head, and gives Doyoung a sympathetic look. Taeyong lets his tail rest against your leg, something he’s been doing that helps comfort you.

“I won’t be gone forever,” he reassures, “It’ll just be four years. If I even get accepted, that is.”

“Four years,” you sigh, “What does that mean for…”

You can’t finish your sentence, a weird heaviness settling in your chest, making it unable to speak anymore. Taeyong wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you against him until you can feel his kitty ear pressed against your head. Doyoung just sighs and shifts in his spot. None of you speak. The weight of the unknown future is suddenly on you, and you don’t know how to take it.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Plus, we don’t know if I’ll get into USC.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I don’t want to be a reason you didn’t go, though.” “You wouldn’t be-” he suddenly stops, his nostrils flaring. “Do you have any roses or rose-scented things in the house?” “No… why?”

“Doyoung…”

“What?” “We need to get you home. Now.”

You’ve never heard Taeyong speak to Doyoung in that tone before. Doyoung just honks at him, and for a moment, it seems that Taeyong is about to back down. But, instead, your boyfriend opens his laptop fully again and saves where he left off before grabbing his things and practically dragging Doyoung out of your room. You’re confused, but both hybrids seem to know what’s happening.

“You can be mad at me all you want, but you can’t be here right now,” Taeyong argues.

“I will not be taking orders from some strawberry-scented omega,” Doyoung bites.

Taeyong nearly gives in again but holds his ground.

“He’s presenting,” your boyfriend explains, “and he’s definitely an alpha. I need to get him back to his house before he triggers my heat.”

“What about-”

“I know, my love, we’ll discuss it later. I seriously need to get him home, though. I love you.”

“I love you too,” you smile softly, “Call me when you get home, okay?” “Okay,” he smiles.

He shoves Doyoung out the door while carrying all of their things. You watch as they drive away. Taeyong probably isn’t obeying the speed limit, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

A pit settles in your stomach; even though you know it’ll all work out in the end, it’s scary. You knew walking into this relationship that Taeyong would graduate, go to uni, and do most milestone things before you. But now, with reality catching up to you, it’s terrifying. You’ve already applied to the universities you want to attend. You and Doyoung did it together since you want to go into the same field of study. But hearing how determined your boyfriend of two years was, saying he wants to go abroad for university, makes you feel uneasy. You have older friends who warned you about the curse of relationships slipping through the cracks when university years roll around. Your relationship with Taeyong was stable even in just two years of dating, but the worry still exists in your mind.

Back in your room, you did your work without Doyoung’s (very needed) help. With nothing more to occupy your mind, you’re just pacing around your home with your mind wandering any place it so chooses. It floats everywhere. From what your younger fox friend has been up to. She got into a prodigious high school for music and has been thriving. Jaehyun has grown a lot in the time that you’ve known him. You first met when Taeyong and Doyoung introduced you to him. It was utterly accidental too. They had to pick Jaehyun up from a practice game because his parents were away, and he forgot to arrange a ride home. When you first met, he was barely taller than you. Now, he is quite a bit taller than you. You didn’t think someone could grow so much physically in a year and a half, but Jaehyun seemed to prove you wrong.

Then from there, your mind wanders off to your best friend. Taeyong told you that you would click well the first night you talked with Doyoung; he had been right about that. When you first got the chance to get to know him properly, you became two peas in a pod. Sometimes, that bond would be at Taeyong’s expense. You two tended to gang up on him. Doyoung quickly became your second shoulder to lean on, just the right amount of support and giving you the harsh truth when needed. Taeyong, of course, is your central support system, and you appreciate him for that. When he can’t be, though, Doyoung is the first person you go to. Sometimes, you think that if you hadn’t started dating Taeyong, you would’ve probably dated Doyoung. You don’t dwell on that thought much since you were utterly in love with Taeyong, and you don’t tell either of the boys either.

That’s when your mind lands on your boyfriend again. You didn’t know you could love someone so much until you met him. It seems naïve coming from a seventeen-year-old, but it makes sense to you. You’ve watched classmates cycle through partners as if it’s nothing. That’s something you couldn’t imagine doing, though. The relationship you have with Taeyong is something indescribable. That’s why the prospects of the future scare you so much. Nothing’s set in stone, though.  No matter how strong this bond might be with the potential of being across the world from him. You have hope but also know the reality of the situation. He’ll be studying almost all the time, and there will be a sixteen-hour difference with you ahead of him.

Your mind starts going down the dangerous black hole of ‘what ifs’ about the situation, which ruins your mood. Curling up on the couch, playing with the corner of a throw pillow, you let your mind run. You’ll likely be the only one home for a while. Your mom typically stays at the board meetings for her company pretty late to help extra and clean up. Dad is on another business trip, so he won’t return home.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at your front door. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, and you look through the peephole in the door to see who it is. It’s Taeyong, a very excited one at that. His tail is flicking back and forth, his already sparkly eyes are sparkling even more, and his fluffy grey ears jut in different directions, constantly listening to everything around him.

You unlock the door and let him in. Before you can even get any words of greeting out, you’re wrapped up in a tight hug. Chuckling lightly, you hug Taeyong back and scratch the base of his kitty ear. He releases a purr and squeezes you impossibly tighter. Then, you process the sound of paper crinkling slightly. Finally, you pull back in his hold slightly.

“What’s that?” you ask with a wide smile.

“I was so excited that I didn’t get to let you know I got home. I opened it and immediately drove over here to tell you! Here, you read it!”

He releases you from the hug and hands you the paper. You unfold the letter, and it’s an official-looking one, and it’s in English. You’re doing well in your English class, but you can only pick out some parts of the letter due to its formality. Despite the struggle, you see the words ‘congratulations’ and ‘accepted’ at the beginning of the letter. Your heart pounds out of your chest when your eyes dart to the upper left corner, and you see the university’s emblem that you saw on the website Taeyong was looking at earlier, and you realize what it is. It’s an acceptance letter from the University of Southern California.

“I did it!” he practically bounces in his place, ��I got in!”

“I- I’m so happy for you, kitty,” you smile, still processing it all, “Have you decided to go there, or are you still thinking about Kyunhee University too?”

“I wanted to go to USC the most out of all the places I applied to. I’m pretty set on going there. Why? Is everything okay?”

His eyes soften, and his ears and tail still show how attentive he is to your unsure state. You fold the letter shut like how you have received it. Then, handing it back to him, you nod.

“I’m excited for you. I really am. I’m scared, too, though, honestly. You’ll be so far away, and I’ve heard so many horrible outcomes for long distance from my classmates about breakups during university and-”

“Hey, listen to me,” he requests softly, gently cupping your face, “We still have another two and a half months before I need to move over there. So we’ll talk all the logistics out until then. Deal?”

You nod, “Deal.”

“I love you so much. I always will, even if-” he sighs, “Even if we need to take a break while I’m getting my degree. I’ll always come back to you.”

“I don’t want to do that,” you respond, pulling him into a hug.

He hugs you back and sighs again, “I know, baby. But if that’s healthiest for both of us, we need to think that way. As shitty as that sounds.”

High School: Summer before Senior Year

It’s mid-July when you find yourself in Taeyong’s home, helping him finish packing. You’re not as affectionate with him today, and you know he notices it. Usually, you’re attached to his hip, but today you’re on the opposite side of his room, packing an entirely different box for him. You seal the box with packing tape and pick it up to carry outside. Just as you’re about to leave the room, you feel Taeyong place a hand on your hip. His touch makes you freeze but don’t turn around to look at him. You don’t have to look at him to know he’s giving you a concerned look. He lets out a sigh before speaking.

“I know this is hard on you,” he admits, “It’s hard on me too. Please don’t take this out on me.”

You jerk out of his hold, “I’m not taking anything out on anyone.”

“Sweetheart,” he sighs, “I don’t want to argue with you right before I leave for university.”

“So don’t,” you state bluntly.

Not giving him a chance to argue, you start walking out of his family home and toward his car to put the box in it. Taeyong isn’t far behind you. You place the box in the trunk and turn to see him with his ears droopy and his tail not swishing happily like it typically is. Instead, he’s giving you a concerned look. It’s the same look he gave you when he first told you about his acceptance letter to USC. You know it’s selfish to want to keep him here in Korea with you, but you want that more than anything. It feels like he’s leaving you here while he’s off to have fun in a foreign country. He claims he’ll return after getting his degree, but four years is a long time to be away from your boyfriend, even with visits during his summer breaks. He puts his box down beside the one you carried in the car. Not ready to face him when your emotions are in such turmoil, you look away from him and try to skirt around him to retrieve another box.

“Look at me,” he requests, holding onto your shoulder gently.

“What do you need, Taeyong? We need to finish packing your car. You leave in the morning.”

“You’re mad at me. I know you are,” he admits, “What can I do to fix whatever’s wrong?”

“It’s not worth it, Taeyong. Let me get another box. You won’t be packed at this rate.”

Again you try to walk away, but he stops you again. This time, he grips your arm tighter than he had just held your shoulder. Finally, you hear him sniffle quietly, and that’s when you feel your heart drop. Not many times during your relationship have you seen Taeyong cry due to being upset.

“This isn’t a per- permanent thing. You know that right?” he tries to hold tears back.

“Taeyong,” you sigh, trying not to cry, “How will we survive this? I’ll be going off to uni next year. Between time difference and both of us in uni-”

You meet his eyes again and burst into tears. Taeyong pulls you to his chest and strokes your hair as you sob. Neither of you says anything for a few minutes. You know he’s crying, too, due to the uneven breathing beneath you. He has his cheek pressed against your head now, holding onto you as if he’ll never get to hold you again. Something isn’t right between you; unfortunately, you think you know what will come.

“C-can you look at me?” he requests quietly.

You pull your head away from his chest and look at his glassy, slightly red eyes. His ears are now pressed against his hair. They would’ve blended into his white hair if the fur of his ears didn’t have the grey bits to it. You’re trying so hard not to burst into tears again, seeing how worried he is despite being just as upset as you are.

“I-” you interrupt yourself with a sniffle, “I know what you’re thinking.”

“What am I thinking, my love?” he asks, worry laced through his tone.

“It’ll be better for us in the long run to take a break.”

“Is that what you feel?” he asks.

He lets go of you entirely and takes a step back. Suddenly the tiny space between you feels a mile wide. You wrap your arms around yourself tightly and look down at the ground, trying to compose yourself. Instead, you find yourself picking at the sides of your fingers to somehow calm yourself. It doesn’t work well.

“Taeyong,” you sigh, “you’re thinking it too. If it’s hard just packing, how will we deal with a sixteen-hour time difference?”

“If that-” he looks away, trying to hold his tears, “If that’s what you want. We’ll take a break.”

“Is that it? We’re just going to drop everything here?” you can’t help but let hurt invade your voice.

“We aren’t dropping anything,” he frowns, “We’re just- we’re putting things on pause until I get home.”

You meet his eyes again and give him a tight-lipped smile. You don’t know what you expected. You told him a break was what needed to happen. Maybe you wanted him to fight for your relationship more, to try to hold on a little tighter. That wasn’t happening, though. You nod at him. An awkward tension fills the space between you.

“I- I guess I’ll be off then,” you sigh.

“Y/n,” he reaches out and squeezes your hand, “I’m not leaving you behind. I’m gonna come back for you, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll- I’ll just let you finish packing up. Keep in touch, okay?”

He nods, and with that, you walk to your car and start on your way home. Only now, you’re a single woman. You think for a while as you drive. Your mind wanders all over the place, and before you realize it, you’re not even going to your home anymore. You had subconsciously started making your way to Doyoung’s home. After weighing your options, you decided to just stay on this route and visit your best friend. There’s no point in bothering him with a call. More likely than not, he’s prepping for your last year of high school.

You pull up to his house and see his older brother about to get in his car. You know Gongmyun enough, but you need more of a relationship to stop and talk, so you opt just to wave at him and continue on your way to the door. His mom is already opening the door before you can climb the porch steps. The brightly smiling bunny hybrid pulls you into a warm hug. It’s nothing new for her to hug you, but she’s never embraced you so tightly.

“I know you needed that,” she comments when she pulls out of the hug, “You don’t need to tell me what’s wrong. I’m sure Doyoung is about to get an earful of that,” she smiles at you.

“Thanks,” you sigh, fighting against the tears welling up again. “I’ll probably stick around for dinner, too, if that’s okay. My parents are working night shifts again, and being home doesn’t feel-”

She smiles softly and squeezes your shoulder, “Enough of that. You’re always welcome here. Now, go rant, scream, cry, whatever you need. He’s up in his room.”

She jerks her head towards the stairs and gives you one last comforting smile. You pass by the wall of family pictures they have on the stairwell. Seeing how much love and comfort resides in these walls is always heartwarming. The only other place you feel more comfortable is Taeyong’s home. Well, it was, at least.

As suspected, Doyoung is hunched over his desk, looking at an essay he needs to write for the advanced literature class he opted to take. His ear twitches towards you, and he looks at your dejected facial expression. Then, without a word, he stands up and wraps his arms around you in a hug. You practically melt into his hold. You didn’t even realize you needed a hug from him until it was already happening. Sobs start to fall from your lips as tears soak his shirt. Still, he hasn’t said a word. Standing there, he lets you cry on him as long as you need. You’re unsure how much time passes, but you eventually feel your sobs slow until they simmer to a sniffle. When you pull back, you notice a rather large wet spot on his shirt from where you had been crying on him.

You wipe your eyes, “Sorry about that.” Your voice comes out rather meek.

He shakes his head at you, “I’ll just change it. What happened that you came crying to me instead of Yongie?”

“Oh… um…”

“Do I need to go beat his ass?” Doyoung asks with a sharper tone.

You shake your head and sit on his bed while he goes to his closet to find another shirt. You’re accustomed to him and Taeyong shamelessly changing their clothes (the upper half) in front of you. Nothing could make you uncomfortable at this point in your friendship. Doyoung’s large beige ears are upright. His head turned so he could listen to whatever you needed to tell him. When you remain quiet, he turns to you with a clean shirt on and gives you a puzzled yet concerned look. Then, he sits beside you and fixates his eyes on you.

“Y/n, tell me what’s going on,” he says softly, “Something’s off right now.”

“We broke up,” you respond in a shaky voice.

“When? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“You would’ve heard it from one of us eventually,” you sigh, “Just now, I drove straight here after it all.”

He doesn’t press any further. He hugs you again. You end up sitting on his bed, semi-cuddling while talking about anything that comes to your mind. You know he’s distracting you from everything, but you don’t plan to stop him soon, either. Even after a delicious dinner, his mom makes for the family (plus you), you end up staying longer and hanging out with him. It’s nice to know that even though breaking up with his best friend earlier in the day, you still have Doyoung to rely on through it all.

COPYRIGHT STARLITMARK 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted.

Networks: @kwritersworld @k-vanity

Tag List: @raibebe @jaehunnyy @umbralhelwolf

[devinescribe]

Letters and Poems in the Drawer

Ch.9 of “My Sunshine” [TreechxReader]

Ok, so most of these are super cute and sweet. Some can be interpreted as a bit… lewd in a way. And I guess they kind of are? So I guess;

Warnings: some mildly risqué poems. And Treech being a simp-

The boy I shouldn't miss

Because he was never mine. But I can't stop myself from imagining myself in his strong arms. Wearing the stupid hat he wears everyday cause I stole it. Can't stop my stupid lovesick thoughts of kissing him soon as he steps off that damn train. He's the boy I shouldn't miss, but I do. He's the boy I shouldn't be writing poetry about, but I do. He's the boy I shouldn't love, but I do.

———

I love like a dog. Not the cute puppy way, with eyes that plead for you to love me... but in the mutt way. Begging for even a scrap. Loyal to the bitter end. I love like a dog. Staying even when I know there's nothing but hurt ahead, I'll lay in my bed without so much as a whimper, hopin' you'll look at me with the scrap of love I beg for. I love like a dog.

Treech softly played with the corner of the paper and considered burning the piece, something about how vulnerable the piece was. He glared at the paper, as if it was the paper’s fault he wrote all that. He put his head in his hands, and remembered how much you loved reading poetry. Especially the poetry that gave off so many feelings. He softly put it into the drawer.

——

Dear Treech,

You are not going to believe the audacity of this man. I mean, he's always been an asshole, but it pissed me off today. Festus Creed has been a pain in my ass since I moved here. He's always poked fun at me for being district, but I never paid him mind. Suddenly, I'm back in the class after summer break and he's flirting with me!!! Can you believe it, I mean seriously. Does he think I'm dumb? He plays with my hair in class and passes me notes I don't read. His hand writing and spelling are absolutely atrocious, so I wouldn't even be able to read it even if I wanted to. Anyway, I hope your day was great. Mine was. I got to punch Festus Creed in the face. It was during stage hitting practice, and I took the opportunity. I mean I started the waterworks and they all fell for it. Even Creed. I think Dean Highbottom knows... but he likes me, says I’m his favorite student, isn’t that silly? I mean with powers like these? Life is crazy.

Sincerely, your friend,

(N/N)

——-

There's a fine line between jealousy and obsession. I think I'm on the edge of it. I don't really know why. I mean I know you have friends. That doesn't bother me. It's... the way people look at you like they own you. Like you're already theirs. I might say that you're 'mine' but I know that you aren't something to own. I think... what upsets me the most is that you look like they've sucked any joy out of your life. You smile... but it's not real... I guess I'm just... I don't even know at this point.

Fuck

He scribbled on the page and groaned in frustration, upset that his words didn't string together the way they usually did. He crumpled it up and threw it in the small bin he had before sighing. He picked it out and smoothed the paper, folding it and placing it in the drawer.

——

Dear sweet sunshine,

I've been holding the necklace a lot more recently. I have it hidden usually. Firstly so it doesn't get damaged, and secondly because I don't want anyone to try and take it.

I look at it and wonder if you look at yours. You know, that ring was my grandfather's. My grandma gave it to him as a proposal. Isn't that so cool of her? Said she wasn't going to wait forever for him to propose and did it herself. Well, grandpa gave it to me because dad didn't want to have the ring. He said I was to give it to my special someone when the time came. And even though it definitely won't fit you, I think it's cute. I mean, I'll give you your ring back and maybe it will count as that. We were much too young to be thinking of all that, I still think no one deserves it more than you. When you come back I'm making sure it's perfect and shined up.

Much love,

Treech /\

         

——

Dearest Treech,

Yeah yeah it's the first time I actually use your name in one of these. Suck it up buttercup.

You won't believe what some kids tried to do today. I mean I know Capitol kids aren't the nicest, but this goes too far. With all the fine things they have, they tried to take my necklace! Some of them tried to stop the others. Like Pup Harrington. He ain't mean I guess... never says much but doesn't step in. Until today. Asked them why they wanted my necklace when they had nicer things. I mean I guess that was supposed to be insult? I don’t know. Hate Clemensia. She’s so mean. Said that it might be nicer, but mine was one of a kind. Coriolanus, his name is a mouth full, said she was acting no better than a district kid. Was it mean? Yeah. Insulting? Above else. But it made everyone stop. Sejanus scoffed a sarcastic sentence about us district kids acting better than the Capitol kids. I mean the teacher stood there! She didn’t do anything! I’m glad it’s my last year with her. Next year, we start the last four years of Academy.

Anyway, just needed to rant about them. Love you!

Sincerely,

(Y/N) ♡

——

I think about you. All the time. I try not to, you distract me. I mean, your dad makes so many public appearances, it’s hard not to stare at you on the screen. You’re gorgeous. So fucking pretty. Sometimes you talk, and your voice is so sweet… And I have to stop myself from thinking to much about it. I work alone most days, so I try not to get distracted. At night, when I’m alone in my room I can finally let my mind run and wander across everything. I mean it’s stupid. I sit at my desk and try to write but end up fantasizing about you and I. What kind of life would we have? Together, I mean.

——

There’s lots of things I’ve written I will avoid giving you. I don’t want you to know that I’ve been thinking about you in any way that might scare you off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love poems are one thing, no matter how embarrassing it is a guy like me writes them. The rest are thoughts and things I kept for fear of anyone reading them. If you asked me, I bet all it would take is one look from your pretty begging eyes, and I’d give in. Staring at the ceiling is pointless so I close my eyes and imagine you’re here with me.

——

Oh my darling, I will never find anyone as wonderful as you. The things I wrote poems about will come to fruition with you. You are now and have always been the subject of my poetry. You make me swoon, and my heart race. Your words are saccharine sweet when I hear them in my head. Butterflies flutter in my stomach and you made it easy to talk to you. I am completely comfortable around you I want to give you all of me all that I am…

You blushed writing the last lines, hiding your face in your hands. Was it even right thinking of him like this? Did he ever think of you like that? Were you both thinking of each other at the same time when your eyes flutter shut?

——

I’d beg till my voice goes hoarse, if you told me to

I’d drop everything, if you told me to

I’d fall to my knees in second, if you told me to

I’d take anything. All the pain, all the pleasure whatever it might be, if you told me to

I’d listen to every command, every wish, every fantasy, and make it come true. If you told me to.

Because I want to be just yours. All that to say I want to be yours. Your darling, your sweetheart, your beau, whatever you want to call me.

Your boy, only yours

How could I ever want anyone else?

Hehehe imagine simping that hard couldn’t be me anywayyyyy-

[neoninky]

TWST FIC: 'Her Devoted Shield' - Chapter 4

Oooh LAWDY, I realized as I was wrapping up this chapter that I hadn't updated the story in about a month. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait lol.

For some reason Tumblr isn't letting me just post the chapter text here so, I'm just gonna leave a link to the AO3 post instead:

WARNING: The boys are going through it. Hell everyone is kinda going through something in this chapter lol. A big reason this chapter took a minute is because it became a catharsis dump for certain characters lol.

I have some thoughts which I'm putting under a read more cut so as not to spoil anything. But first, tagging peeps. If you'd like to be included on the taglist or even removed, lemme know

@foxwitchaine @wysteriadelights @iscarlettappel @nuitthegoddess @victoria1676 @aiimee9 @1ndigowitch @valy-gc @yunaemiya

Ok so

*teleports entire Draconia bloodline into therapy*

Holy Tap Dancing Jesus 🤣

Real talk, I almost deleted over half of this chapter (aka the parts where Malleus pops off with major ‘tude to his entire support system) but looking back, I’m glad I didn’t. Because-*mooshes together the canon with her fanon*

This man had a cataclysmic meltdown because he felt like he was losing Lilia, who basically raised him, and he couldn’t handle it due to childhood trauma that was never dealt with.

Then he was kicked out of the one place where he could have just enough freedom to simply be Malleus the fae who loves gargoyles and his Drago tamagotchi, who sucks at social cues and technology, who could finally enjoy life a bit and is immediately isolated from everyone and everything in his own home for five years. Which isn’t a long time for fae, arguably. Even so imagine pulling a stunt like that with consequences that take everything away from you and shoves you back into the lonesome hole you finally escaped from. It SUCKS. It’s soul crushing…however, actions have consequences. And now he’s being taken off of his probation only to realize “Oh wait, I’m still trapped and out of control.” With, again, more unresolved trauma.

I don’t condone Malleus’s choices he made/is making in the game canon. I don’t even agree with how he treats the people around him in this chapter that I wrote. But taking everything into account…hell yeah he’d be angry!

You bet your ass he’d snap under pressure and lash out! I’d be more concerned if he didn’t. So yeah, I left it in because I wanted Malleus to be able to vent and to also get closure cuz dayum he needs it, Grandma Draconia needs it, and frankly his overworked cousin needs it too.

Honestly I got to the part where Malleus is popping off to Borlean and originally they were just gonna have a heated argument but then…my love for Godzilla movies kicked in once I realized they’re both powerful dragon boys and I was like

“LET THEM FIGHT.” …but only a little 😂 saving the intense violence for later.

On a completely different note: Lilia and Tai-Yang…they got some history 👀☕️ which I’ll be getting into in the next chapter. I’m dealing with all the drama right now, no slow burn 😂 until later cough

[scaredshadowsswap]

I’m gonna put a mild TW I talk about a traumatic experience I had so if it bothers you, don’t read this.

I hate Kondraki being similar to my dad, because Kondraki is bipolar with whereas my dad is just plain stoic with: family trauma.

Like, I’ll sit there and be like “Yeah my dad really likes coffee and insects and is Polish and speaks it, even if my Polish sucks. He’s not big on pop music or country music, but he does like soft jazz and classical. Yeah I’d say he and I are pretty close but he’s gone weeks without having a meaningful conversation with my sister. He’s pretty stoic I guess, but he did go to all school events, and he works a lot on new technology with government organizations from other countries, despite never getting a degree in that. Oh and our grandma was kidnapped by Nazis in WWII and got dementia when she was older and I got to see her when she was yelling at my mom because she looked like the other prisoner who broke her wrist in the camp. Man, must’ve been even worse for him.”

And if you asked me to describe Kondraki headcanons, you’d get something similar to my dad. I did take a lot of liberty in my mental picture of Kondraki, because everything that wasn’t stated was immediately filled in with my dad. Like, it states nowhere that Kondraki’s family had WW2 involvement, but like…he’s Polish and Jewish, and probably Podlasie which is northeastern. Even though my family is Górale and I’m not entirely sure about Podlasie involvement, I know Treblinka is close.

And in a way, it’s dangerous to take a character that isn’t mine and headcanon them in ways like this where it basically becomes my coping mechanism. It’s not healthy, so I never admit to knowing about SCP in real life because I’m worried it’ll come up and people will think I’m crazy. SCP isn’t a story about WW2, and it’s harmful to mentally put a character into a position where they understand when I don’t. I know my grandma threw a knife at me during a flashback. I know she grabbed me once and begged the Germans not to take me away. But that’s my own personal experience that I need to deal with on my own.

On an unrelated note, I 100% headcanon that Kondraki spoke almost no English when he joined the Foundation and didn’t really care about learning but 408 only knew English so that was his motivation.

[vykko]

a rant about a book I had to read for school when I was 13 in yr 7

(technically I was 12 as my bday is near the end of the year)

so playing beatie boe summary

main character’s dad leaves her and her mother for another woman when she was like 10, Understandably she doesn’t like her dad

she has ‘not like other girls’ phase and isn’t interested in boys which is framed as a bad thing, she babysits these kids that are mean to her

her wanker for a father gets back with her mum and is going to move them to America. She is understandably pissed off about it and it’s framed as her being a brat

(side note My parents are divorced, So while not for these reasons, the people in my classi guess had never heard of the concept and yeah that was not a fun class)

✨bit I don’t remember✨ She sees a bald child and naturally starts to fucking chase them out a window and breaks her ankle and discovers she’s goon through time. Is a brat apparently for being defensive about waking up in complete strangers house, and because I guess she spoilt with the new technology of her time to realise the 1800s sucked ass.

Any way trough stupid polt, and her become smitten with AN ADULT MAN WHO IS GOING YO GRT MARRIED TO THE ONE NICE CHARACTER. She is 14 he is 18. Also she is made to house chores to make up for the whole “we rescued you so you owe us once you can walk again”

more plot stuff they are on a boat going for oysters . The blad child is going

“hay you brother are horrible person, your going to break dovey’s heart”

so they leave her on the rock and kiss on the boat in view of her while the tide comes in 🤢 (they eventually go back for her)

the father of the bald child and 18 is an alcoholic and decides “ I’m going to stop drinking and though my alcohol into the fire place” the house burns down and turns out grandma hide the dress as it was why time travel happened, main girl gets sent back in time

it’s been a year yet she hasn’t aged and it’s really been 1 minute or something, now she’s fine with her wanker father and mother being together and is now a “proper lady” and the end of the book when she’s an adult we learn that

18 year old man died at sea, dovey is a widow and apparently didn’t have a good life afterwards (noooo she the only good and likeable character in this damn book), blad child went time travel and the father of bald child and 18 went to the psych ward never to be seen from again.

———————————————————————————

so if that made sense to you I’m not sure how

but what did we learn class of 12-13 year olds

yes that grooming is ok as it was the 1800s (I’m still vey angry about how whenever anyone would bring up that the relationship was not ok it would get “but it was ok back then” as a defence)

being mad at you father that cheated and left you once and is probably going to do it again is not ok and is you being a little brat

Cheating is ok if it’s with the main character

you have to like boys as a girl or your a pick me (she was but it was framed as the reason why she was in the wrong was because she wasn’t interested in them yet and only in her education so even if she wasn’t rude about it she would still be in the wrong)

no you can’t write your report about dovey as she had no character development

But while I didn’t enjoy the book it’s still just my opinion that it wasn’t good.

[jeongjuk]

FILTHY ROCKSTAR | JJK |

summary: if getting dragged to a concert by your best friend wasn't enough to ruin your night, maybe add a tall, lean and tattooed rockstar to the mix, that’ll be the icing on top of an overloaded cake.

pairing: rockstar!jungkook x f!reader

genre: porn with a semi-plot?, alt/pop rock band au, i’d say s2l except it’s not even lovers, so s2sb? (sex buddies…)

⏤ rating: mature (18+) ⏤ word count: 12k

warnings! cursing (lots), annoying oc!bsf, slight sexual tension at first encounter, mild self-humiliation, banter (somewhat), he’s good with his words and that’s what makes you stumble right into his arms, explicit smut; big dick jk, unprotected sex dw he has a great pull pout game (also stay safe!!), some grinding, finger fucking + sucking, mild spit kink maybe not mild lol i’ve been intrigued by spit lately, a little dirty talk, one derogatory word used; slut, slight praising, hickeys/bruising kink?, jk with his tattoo sleeve, belly bulging, cum eating, orgasm denial!, jungkook thinks everything about you is so pretty, really long descriptions of sex for no reason !!

authors note/: this was my first smut i’ve ever written for this site :0 lowkey felt like I just poured every thought I had over rockstar!jk into it and made it into whatever this is. sowoozoo jk has been driving me insane

important: english isn’t my first language and that’s why this took almost 2 weeks to be released😭 i’m so sorry

Maybe you should've ran as far away as possible before she even got the chance to ask you the question.

"Okay, what about this?" Nari points enthusiastically. She's holding a dark biker jacket eagerly firm in her hands. "Why do you need a biker jacket for a concert?" you scoff, while resuming your search for an outfit good enough to fit your best friend. In her eyes it has to be a top notch outfit or else you aren't leaving the mall.

And no, you literally can not go home because the bitch snatched and hid your phone somewhere.

"That is not purple," you laugh, seemingly eyeing how the jacket looks on the girl. That cannot be purple, it's way too dark to be purple. Maybe a deep indigo? Definitely not purple.

"Doesn't matter, how does it look?" she does another spin, brushing her hands across the leathery material of the lapels. She looks good, honestly. The jacket hugs her nicely in a way that it still shows her rather curvy body.

But why in hell would she buy a leather jacket to go to a concert? She doesn't even wear jackets in general. "It looks good, yeah." you assure her, nodding your head in approval.

To be fair, you're quite skeptical about this. She hasn't told you who's concert she's going to, or where it's going to be taking place. She hasn't even told you where she got her ticket from, so yeah, it sounds a little shady in your opinion.

"Great! This would go so well with that white short sleeve shirt I bought a month ago," she exclaims while rummaging through some other clothes on the rack.

"Which short sleeve shirt?" you ask, not remembering her buying one recently. "The white one with the zipper, you don't remember?" Nari says, "the cropped white one with a zipper, grandma." Oddly enough, she seems to have a clear representation, while you struggle to even recall her buying a shirt last month.

Wait, cropped?

"Who are you aiming to seduce at this concert?" you eye her amusingly. You can already imagine whatever she has planned and it's legitimately not the best idea. She obviously isn't going to a concert to listen to the music, she's aiming to get laid.

"What happened to; 'I'm done fucking around, I’m just focusing on myself now'?" you question, mocking the stupid vow she made earlier into the year "Please, that was like ages ago, I haven't gotten laid in months. I need to get this dry streak to an end already." she responds, voice sounding distant since she's walking around the endless racks of clothes, in search of a pair of pants. You’ve just been following her this entire time.

"You should too," her head pops out from behind a cube shelf, and she's pointing a finger at you. You snicker, "I don't wanna get laid." even after saying that truthfully, your eyes flicker to the floor, face heating up a little by the mere thought of sleeping with someone in little to over half a year.

"It's not about wanting to get laid, __. It's about you kinda needing to because you've been extra grumpy these past few weeks and we can all tell that you need some good dick in your life." she waves her finger in the air, while rambling about. You roll your eyes, walking away from the girl in hopes to get her to shut up. But she trails behind you, bumping into people until you get to the other side of the room, at the checkout.

"Anyways, that doesn't matter, you're still coming with," she adds, shrugging off the jacket and throwing it with the other stuff she picked onto the counter.

"Wait, what?" you grasp at her bicep, forcefully turning her around to look back at you. "What?" she muffles, eyes wide in shock at how strong your grip on her arm is. "What do you mean I'm still coming with?" You let go of her arm and crossed your own in front of you.

Last time you checked, there was no invite to a concert you got from Nari, so what is she even talking about? "You're going with me, duh. I got two wristbands." She slides out her phone from her back pocket, and opens the case, revealing two pieces of paper wristbands, which you assume should be the entry code to the concert.

"You never told me that!" you whisper-yell, making sure not to be too loud in a shopping store. "__, what did you think I meant when I said 'I bought tickets for a concert'?" she looks at you, expression plain and neutral, but her words sound scornful. "I thought you meant you bought a tickets for yourself, not for both of us," you try to defend yourself, but honestly it does sound a little stupid saying it out loud now.

"Yeah, two tickets?"

"You didn't tell me you bought two tickets." you argue back.

"Whatever, you're going with me." she picks up the shopping bag and heads out the store, you trailing angrily behind her. "No I'm not, I don't even like concerts, and you know that." you state, trying to keep up with her fast pace. "I know, but I need someone to accompany me tonight," she pouts. "And you didn't decline my offer a few days ago." She hugs your arm and swings it back and forth.

"That's because there was no offer to decline, dumbass!" you retort, rolling your eyes and shrugging her off. "I have stuff to do girl, not all of us are free every night.” Nari whines, "but you can't let me go by myself, I need you to go with me!" she opens the car door once you unlock it and heads in.

"You're the only person with a car that can drive me there, and I was kinda thinking maybe you can pick me back up, so instead of wasting your time dropping and picking me back, just go with me." she says, her hands rub together in a praying manner.

"Fine! God, you're so stupid, how do you plan on going somewhere but don't have a ride," you mumble more to yourself than her, but it's obvious she still heard, because she crosses her arms and pouts, but thankfully stays quiet.

The rest of the day you spent contemplating wether or not you should just ditch Nari and not show up, because quite honestly, you really don't want to go this stupid showcase. Live events have never been your thing, you prefer to have your eardrums intact. But Nari's making it so difficult because if you don't drive her there, she's gonna try and find another ride, and who knows what that girl can do when she's by herself. She's that desperate.

So you've wasted the last hour delving in your closet for something good enough to fit the occasion, even though you still don't know who's concert you're going to, since Nari never gave you the name. Hopefully she'll expose the artist on your way there, because being left clueless has been driving you insane.

You're only tagging along to watch over her, to be her babysitter. The thought of going to concerts still troubles you. you enjoy your personal bubble a little too much to have people breaking into it from all corners. Once you arrive there you're dragging Nari to a spot where there are less people so you can breathe.

You settle for an AC/DC shirt you somehow had hidden all the way back into the furthest corner of your closet—despite not being an AC/DC fan at all (haven't even listened to their music except the mainstream ones), you stole this shirt from Nari a while ago because the print was pretty cool, and the way she cut and sewed it to look better spiked your interest. So you couldn't help yourself.

You paired it with some leather pants, a pair of chunky black boots that you barely wear and a red and black plaid flannel. That's the best you can come up with for an unfair proposition to a concert.

Before even finishing getting ready you get a message from Nari asking you where you are, followed by a missed FaceTime call. She can barely let you get ready and leave the apartment in peace, you can't imagine how it's going to be once you're in the car together on your way to the event.

You really hope she's not going to be too excited about this, or you're going to have to leave her on the streets. But knowing Nari, the girl would probably just call a taxi to take her there. She's so determined and sometimes that scares you.

Once you make it to her house you shoot her a text saying you're waiting outside, to which she replies back 'thank fucking god' and dashes her way outside, climbing into your car in mere seconds.

"If I knew you were gonna take so long, I might as well have driven myself there." she sighed, running her hand through her hair. You scoff, "with what car?" you ask, jokingly so, but still a genuine question. "Ha ha, fuck you, I was gonna take yours." she shrugs her shoulders, sitting back and looking through the window.

"Mine? You thought I was gonna let you borrow my car? Girl, that’s hilarious." you shake your head and poke your tongue in your cheek. "Shut up, headass, you’re driving us aren’t you?" she rolls her eyes.

You side-eye her while simultaneously keeping your eyes on the road. She just watches as the pretty lights flash by in the darkening night. The sun went down about half an hour ago, but the lit sky is still there, not too dark yet not too bright, just the perfect balance of darkness and daylight mixing into each other gradually.

"So do I have the privilege to know who we’re seeing now, or am I gonna have to start naming every artist you’ve listened to this year?" you speak about five minutes into the ride. The thought has been on your mind all day, and your curiosity is just getting the best of you to the point where you actually debated within yourself for a little while if you should try and name every one of her favorite artists.

"Yeah, you should try that," Nari answers dryly, not looking up from the window. "Bitch don't make me kick you out, you've been hiding this from me for two days." you snap back. You deserve to at least know who's music you're going to be listening to after having been dragged into a mess you didn't want to be in in the first place.

“You don't know them, I told you that." Nari softly mutters, not wanting to give away the big surprise. Is it even a surprise to be honest? If you truly don't know them she can just introduce you right now, instead of letting you walk into a concert without any knowledge whatsoever about what music they make.

"Fine, is it only one artist?" you ask. She never mentioned anything about there being more artists at this event, so maybe it's a tour concert from one of those pop singers she listen, that she bought tickets for. "They're a band, actually..." she murmurs, finally looking back at you while she searches for your reaction.

"Band? Like an instrument playing band?" you gape at her, eyes wide with shock. Since when does she listen to bands? She's never talked about listening to them. Nari nods, a small smile displayed on her lips as she looks down. Is she ashamed?

"Wait, what genre are they?" It seems almost impossible to hear that she actually listens to any bands. Nari's music choice has never been the best. "Uh..rock?" she states, although it comes out sounding more like a question than a statement.

You almost choke on cold spit and your eyes bulge out of their sockets upon that sentence. Rock band? We're going to a rock concert? Where on earth did she even find this band? She listens to rock now? You're not judging, no shame in listening to rock, but Nari really hasn't told you about improving her music style and it’s just surprising.

"Since when do you listen to rock?" You go in between snapping your eyes from her and back to the road, genuinely shocked and waiting for answers. "It's not really rock, it's more like a um pop alternative rock that could fall into the rock category because it sounds somewhat like it." she explains.

You sigh, "Nari, alternative rock, is still rock, it's just two genres in one." you clarify, satisfied yet still a little shocked that she chose to go to a rock concert. "I know that," Nari mumbles, and you can almost tell she's pouting just by the way she sounds. "Well, what's their name?" you hope maybe this time it'll subconsciously slip off her tongue.

"You'll see when we get there." she whips her full head of chestnut brown hair you way, smiling so brightly that you can only see the creases of her eyes. You scoff, resting your head on your arm that's propped up on the window. It was worth a shot, you think. She really isn't letting go though, so if you genuinely don't like this band it's really her fault. You're pinning the blame on her.

You still don't understand why she chose to go to a concert of all places to seek a hookup, the club would've been just fine. Actually, the club would've been a million times easier than this. Most people at packed clubs seek a partner to go home with anyway, she could've just picked the best looking one there.

"Is it going to be crowded?" you ask, still a little worried about the amount of oxygen you can breathe in tight places. "Relax, it's not an actual concert. It's like a private event, only like a hundred lucky people won wristbands." she ensures. God, you can't explain the relief that washes over you upon hearing that.

"Are they a known band?" You settle on asking discreet questions, hoping you can get to know them a small bit before getting there. "Hm, I guess so? They have a good amount of streams on their stuff." she says, scrolling through her phone on an app which you assume is probably Spotify, because then she's showing the screen to you.

A list of some of their most popular songs, and you can say that most of them are pretty well known. They have good numbers.

You hum, making Nari turn her phone back and switch it off. She goes back to watching the outside view from the window, quickly flashing by because you're speeding on the road since the destination is still pretty far away. Why is it so damn far away? Almost a 45 minute drive and you're already tired. You're not used to driving for so long.

But you get there.

And when you do, Nari's tenfold more excited (read: annoying) than she was 45 minutes before. She's almost hopping with the way she skips down the parking lot, to the big muscular men you can only assume are securities waiting for the people. You jog up to her in time as she registers your names and shows them the wristband she has on, and you shove back the sleeve of your flannel to show them yours.

When you finally enter the scene, you realize Nari was actually right. The venue isn't as big as you thought, and there are only a few groups of people already, although you believe there are more waiting to get in or arriving. The stage is illuminated with a purple light streak cascading down on it, it looks pretty. How there's a drum set and a keyboard at the back simply waiting to be played on, it almost looks like it's only for show—a display.

You can hear a song playing in the background, faint but there. You mentally praise them for not shattering your eardrums from the moment you walk in, although the group of fans at the front of the stage is doing a damn near good job at it already.

You turn to Nari just in time as you see her pout, crossing her arms like a child as she sulks. "They already took up the front space, how am I gonna get them to notice me now?" she cries out, glaring at the kids at front, hoping they can make way for two more. "Whatever, let's get something to drink," she gives up, walking out of the room, and you trail after her like the babysitter—best friend you are.

"Why do you need them to notice you that bad?" you question, not getting why she seems so desperate for their attention. Wasn't she coming here to find a hookup? "Well how else am I gonna get one of them between my legs tonight?" she answers, loud enough to have the trio of girls that's walking right past you gasp in utter disbelief, or is it disgust? Whichever it is you couldn't tell because they scurry away fast enough with small whispers circulating between them. They look significantly young.

"Wait, you're planning on sleeping with one of them?" You stop in your tracks once you get to the bar. "God—Nari, is that why you did all this? Seriously?" You couldn't believe it. She wants to sleep with one of the band members. You'd understand if it was just a normal fan at this place, but she opted to go for the bigger prize instead. Of course she did, that's what Nari always does.

"What? There’s the problem; I get good dick and a good concert, it's a win win," she shrugs, and you're almost about to blow her head off before she continues talking, "plus, if anything you too can get good dick and a good concert." she winks at you before reverting her attention to the bartender who's asking what she wants to drink.

Your face scrunches up in disgust, and you clear out the thoughts of possibly sleeping with one of these band guys the second they infiltrate your mind. You don't even know them for fuck's sake, and Nari doesn't either. How is she so shameless about this? How is she so sure one of them would be willing to sleep with her? Or you?

Fuck, what if they think you're weirdos for putting yourselves up for sex.

"What makes you think I'd want to sleep with any of them?!" you whisper-yell, causing Nari to whip around and stare at you. Thankfully the bartender walked away before you could embarrass yourself like that. "I mean, they're very fucking hot, but you wouldn't know would you?" she giggles, resting her head on her palm. "Relax, if you don't wanna fuck any of them, then just enjoy their music, I swear they're really good."

"Yeah, I could've agreed with you if you gave me a little background check before we got here." you roll your eyes, scanning the area to see if there is anyone else that could be close enough to overhear your conversation. "Should I go to the bathroom now so I don't have to later?" she suggests, but doesn't even give you the chance to answer as she backs away from the counter and looks up at you, "wait for the drinks, I'll be right back." she states, shooting you finger guns before walking away in search of a bathroom.

She didn't even tell you what she ordered.

Five minutes passed and still no sign of Nari. You’ve already gotten the drinks she ordered and finished yours, leaving hers to coolly remain on the counter. You’ve been staring at it since it was slid there, ice thawing and dissipating into the water leisurely with the time that’s ticking by.

You don’t realize the man that eased his way to the counter at all. Not until he’s standing a few feet away from you and whistling, gaining yours and the bartender's attention. You turn your head to the side, eyes boring into the side of his head. He’s wearing a bucket hat wide enough to cover his hair, and a pair of shades, tinted black.

Why is he wearing sunglasses when the room itself is already dark enough?

Your eyes skim down to the rest of his outfit, mostly consisting of black articles. He looks like he dressed to impress too, just like Nari. Are rock fans always this dedicated? You furrow your eyebrows at the thought of him wearing sunglasses inside again, it makes him look a little funny.

You visibly stiffen your movements when you see him tugging his head back, impassively staring back at you with his lips pursed, and you quickly look back at the guy fixing up the drink he ordered. But you start to feel an immense sense of discomfort when you realize that he’s not letting up his gaze on your figure, so your eyes return to his, in hopes of getting him to stop looking at you.

Damn, the dude is not letting up.

You stare at each other for what feels like minutes—both silent but judging. Then you can hear a faint scoff coming from him as he turns back to his previous position. You don’t know what comes over you but your eyebrows furrow in annoyance, and you feel the need to call him out on whatever he just did, because it left something unsettling inside you and you don’t like it.

“What’s so funny.” you angrily blurt out, but only because of the pent up anger that has been boiling inside you for almost six hours already. He flashes you a glance before taking a sip of his drink (or whatever the hell type of shit they stirred up for him). You wait, quite impatient but still curious.

“You don’t know me, do you?” he finally starts speaking, and his lips curve upwards into a sneer. His voice sounds quite nice. Just the right combination of deep rich and honey that has you shuddering once he begins. “Was a little surprised, that’s all.” he adds, shrugging his shoulders and taking another swig.

“Am I supposed to know who you are?” you ask, turning your body to face him. He definitely has all your attention now. You can’t see his reaction very clearly, the dark shades still hide his eyes well enough to rid you of that. But the noticeable smirk that stays on his lips gives you enough reason to believe your question didn’t take him aback like you thought it would.

“I’d prefer it if you don’t.” he objects, sighing in the process. You stare at him blandly, wondering if he’s being serious or not. “Then what’s your problem?” you fuse out, choosing to ignore the way he cranes his neck to crack it, because although it looks extremely attractive, you cannot help but be irritated. Definitely blaming this on Nari afterwards.

“What’s your name?” he inquires. He looks particularly uninterested. “__,” you say before you can process what he just asked. He nods and reverts his eyes back to the front.

Truthfully, he really didn’t need to get your name—he wasn’t even supposed to meet you back here, you weren’t even supposed to see him—but since you so obviously haven’t recognized him, he figured maybe he could just stay for awhile. You aren’t going to tell anyone anyway, you don’t even know who he is. He’s not going to be overweening and call you out on your mistake, although he felt a gush of sadness wash over him when you said you don’t know him, it hurt his pride just a little bit. He basically lost his chance in using his one true specialty on flirting with a pretty girl.

“What’s yours?” you ask. You don’t actually care about getting his name, but it only seems right to ask him for his after he asked you, so you do. But he backs away from the counter, turning to the side to face you, and he smiles, a seemingly appealing smile that has you blinking back in confusion.

“Don’t worry about that, yeah?” He raises his eyebrows in question, “enjoy the show,” he adds before turning around, and walking through a section of the big room that’s restricted for non-employees. That and the two tall intimidating looking men that walk behind him like personal bodyguards tells you that.

“Thanks?” you whisper, thinking about what he said before disappearing into the dark hallway like some sort of phantom trying to blend in with the shadows. Why didn’t he tell you his name? That’s kind of rude from him, asking you for yours yet refusing to give his. You don’t ponder on it for too long though, because you can hear the squeals of a certain someone while they rush into the room.

She’s panting when she finally stops next to you, chest heaving as if she just ran a mile to get here. “You won’t guess what just happened to me,” she exclaims, bouncing on her toes as she holds your hands for balance. “I met one of them!” she shrieks repeatedly, not giving you a chance to ask as she shakes your shoulders in excitement. “Nari! Calm down, fuck. Who did you meet?” you attempt to stop her over excited jumping, and she takes a moment to down the drink that’s been sitting there for almost ten minutes in one go.

“I met one—”she pants, breathing heavily, “one of the band members,” she says in between big gulps of air. Your eyes widen in shock, “wait, are you serious?” You're not sure if you believe what she just said. How did she just meet one of them? Aren’t they supposed to be preparing to perform? “I’m dead serious! We bumped into each other while he was leaving the bathrooms, and we just started having a conversation and—long story short, he said he’s excited to see me in the crowd in a few!” she squeals.

What the fuck.

“Speaking of which, in a few is literally less than 15 minutes, so let’s go push people out of our way so I can get to see the love of my life.” She doesn’t give you time to answer back as she grabs your hand, pulling you into the small venue again and pushing past people to find a good spot.

While waiting for the performance to begin, you find yourself glancing every two minutes at your phone screen, calculating how long it’ll take for the clock to hit the right time, and each time you switch on the phone, the minutes seem to go by slower.

You aren’t really too eager for it to begin either, you’re hoping in the few minutes that are left something drastic happens that can cancel the entire event so you can leave and head home. Or you can just walk out right now, but that isn’t really an option when you have an excited puppy as a friend. It still bewilders you how she even found them, and got tickets (which not to mention were literally bidded on by thousands yet she managed to win not only one but two) for an exclusive performance.

Or maybe what you don't understand is the fact that she listens to rock now. Last time you checked she still listens to Taylor Swift's old music, and calls them hits. So her listening to an entirely new genre of music had you perplexed the first time hearing it. But seeing her jumping on her toes eagerly just for a band is honestly endearing—she makes it look endearing, in her own little way.

All at once the remaining lights that once illuminated the rest of the room switch off and the faint music that you could once hear is not audible anymore, but you can hear people left and right shouting in your ear, and Nari beside you muttering a little 'oh shit' before joining them. You stay quiet, trying your best not to seem like the odd one in the sea of fans waiting for the long-awaited band to finally make an appearance.

You see the stage getting lit up with brighter shades of purple, while a group of what you guess guys make their way on it, all walking in a line. You can't see them very clearly but they do look seemingly tall. The one standing in the centre says something in the mic, although you can't hear anything and it comes out almost muffled with all the screams and yells that's blocking your hearing. You still try your best to solely focus on the voice speaking through the speakers.

He's introducing them.

You wait a few seconds for the screams to die down, muttering a thankful grace to yourself and focus in on the man talking. He talks about how happy they are to be able to hold a small show for their fans, and everything else you don't really care about, so you ignore the lengthy speech he's giving and avert your eyes on the other men standing beside him.

They all have approximately different heights, not one being the same as the other. They're all dressed in different outfits too. Some dressed in all black while others sport a more lively colored attire.

Despite their faces being somewhat obscured from your line of sight, you still get a well-enough view of their beauty from far away. They're definitely not what you were expecting, some are built while others weren't but that doesn't mean they're any less gorgeous. They're all handsome, maybe a little too much.

You're beginning to understand why Nari picked them.

Speaking of Nari, it's been quite awhile since you've heard her speak. Normally, she gives comments on every little thing, and with the way you've already found yourself mentally praising them without even knowing them properly, you guessed she would be ten times worse. She's oddly quiet though.

Before you can glance at what Nari seems to be doing, there's a loud cheer erupting in the room which startles you. You revert your attention to the stage, wondering why it's suddenly so loud again. The man has given the mic to another one of the band members, and he introduces himself before passing it down to the last one. The cheers seem to get significantly louder with each guy. The last one to get the mic speaks audibly into it, which has the crowd roaring with his unexpectedly nice voice.

But something else catches your attention rather than that godforsaken sexy voice that he has. It's the outfit he's wearing. It looks so familiar, you've seen it before. It's looks way too similar to the guy you-

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

That's the outfit the guy you talked to in the bar had worn, same exact clothes, just now he isn't wearing the black hat and shades he had on before. They're the same person? That's the same guy from before? You realize how he has the same broad shoulders, possibly the same height and overall looks identically to the guy you talked to before. Couldn't be...

Fuck, this so bad, it's terrible.

You feel embarrassed about what you did. It must've made you look stupid to blatantly say you don't know him when you're literally at his concert. God, why didn't he tell you? Could've at least saved you the embarrassment you have to face now that you know he's a part of the band.

Now you understand why he was apparently so surprised you don’t know who he was. It makes perfect sense. And this also explains the terrible choice of disguise he wore, yet still managed to pass with, because you obviously couldn’t see him. He knew you didn't know who he was, and he chose to not tell you and let you find out on your own.

That asshole.

He chose to make you embarrass yourself in front of him and he just stood there looking so proud of himself (which was possibly a little attractive) while you looked stupidly confused. He never gave you his name just so you’ll get it later when he introduces himself. And god, it’s such a brilliant idea but why did he have to do it to you?

It makes you want to crawl into a fucking hole and die. Just end everything right here. This is the most you can take as an adult.

After the introduction they pick it up with a few of their songs from their most recent album. You find yourself enjoying some while others you remain non-responsive. They have some good songs, but you can’t concentrate too much on them, because the only thing that keeps running through your mind is that damn encounter you had a while back with him.

Jungkook.

You don’t know why, but his name is the only one that stayed locked inside your memory after hearing him introduce himself. Actually, his name is the only thing that you’ve been thinking about since you’ve learned it. Not only your (painfully embarrassing) interaction with him, but just him in general. How he looked—how striking his features were even though you barely got a good look at his face. It didn’t matter, it was still enough to have you inwardly drooling as he spoke.

He looked good, too good. And it has you hoping you can catch another close (and personal) glimpse at him. Maybe strike another conversation with him, just so you can ogle at how pretty he looks when he smiles. Maybe if you explain your situation he’d understand and laugh it off? He didn’t seem like the type to be too full of himself.

Yet he did make you feel like an absolute fool. But that wasn’t entirely his fault—it’s technically yours for not knowing he’s in the band. No actually, it’s Nari’s for not telling you their name in the first place.

She just keeps finding ways to fuck up your night.

Having enough of the music blasting, paired with the screaming of fans singing in unison— although off-key and even the wrong lyrics— you push your way out of the crowd and take a deep breath once you finally get your personal proximity back. The horde of people practically fighting for their lives to get into the front line drained you more than actually listening to the music.

The set of big double doors looks exceptionally vacant now that everyone’s cramped up on each other. But a place where you don’t have to hear deafening noises would be much more appreciated. So you quickly slip out the room and make your way down the hall, before once again finding yourself in the now empty bar.

The bartender that used to be there is nowhere to be seen, leaving only you standing in the quiet and lifeless room. Though you’re not complaining—the less people the better, in your opinion. But then again, how are you going to entertain yourself now that you left the actual source of entertainment? Because Nari is not here, and she’s certainly not going to leave the performance just to come keep you company.

You stay there for what seems like forever in the quiet room. The big shelf full of bottles of alcohol that you’ve actually contemplated on counting to save time being your only companionship. You’ve scrolled mindlessly through your phone a few times already, to the point where you memorized which folders are placed where and what their contents are.

You wonder what would’ve happened if you were to reject Nari’s (not so much of an) offer to join her in coming to this shitty place. You wouldn't have known this band existed, not to mention they have actual good music that you might find yourself listening to in the future. You would also not have met Jungkook. If you could call that an actual meeting? Technically you haven’t directly met him yet. He spoke a few words then walked away without even leaving his name, despite you still having learned it later on.

It wasn’t the greatest of first encounters, but it was still something.

You would like to speak to him again, a proper conversation this time. Not some bad excuse of an embarrassing interaction with a cute guy, at least this time you do know his name. And despite knowing absolutely nothing about him other than that, you’re confident enough you can at least hold a conversation with him.

You haven’t been really paying attention to anything around you, the last time you looked around the room, there was an empty bottle of something sitting on the table, and the faint noise of the music playing from a couple doors down. You’ve tried your best to zone it out, but it’s like a ringing in your ear that’s very hard to get rid of.

You don't even notice the way your eyelids begin to droop shut over with traces of tiredness.

“Care to explain why I find you sitting outside of the venue by yourself for the second time tonight?” the sudden voice startles you back into reality. Loud and clear and still as attractive as before. You don’t have to raise your head up to even glance at who it is to know. You can feel his presence very clearly now that he’s spoken up. Yet you still do, the urge of wanting to see him again has been eating at you for the past hour already.

He just stands there, all sweaty and weary but he still looks so good. You take a second to rake your eyes down his body, head to toe just to admire how nice he looks clad in black. You wonder if he can tell how good he looks right now. He probably can. No he definitely can. There’s no way he just walks around not knowing it.

“It’s not nice to stare,” he tediously states, his eyes boring into yours after you finally finish checking him out. His hand—the one with all the pretty tattoos comes up to your chin, gently caressing it for not more than two seconds. He sighs and turns away, walking to the other side of the bar-counter and leaning on top.

“Answer my question.” he urges you, a head nod in your direction following to enhance his insistence. You don’t know why that one sentence affects you so much, but it does. Especially right after the chin caressing... What is he doing? You avert your eyes from his, finding it inexplicably difficult now to keep contact. “I want to be alone,” you answer dryly, still not looking at him. It isn’t a lie but it’s not exactly the truth.

“Why? Is the music not hitting for you?” he asks, mostly sarcastic but also a little genuine and concerned. “You know most people would be very happy if they got to win a wristband to a limited show,” he adds, calmly running his fingers over the edge of the table. You glance at him, sending a glare in hopes to get him to shut up. Frankly, now that you’re actually in the situation, you don’t even want to talk about how bad your day has been.

“It’s not everyday you see someone who doesn’t know who we even are at our show, so it’s just a little intriguing,” he claims assuredly, his voice not wavering from the sudden monotonous tone it dropped to. “I’m glad actually.” A chuckle runs through the quiet silence, and you don’t even have to look up at him to know he’s smiling right now, you can oddly feel it. It makes a chill run up your spine.

“It was amusing to say the least,” he concludes. You can hear the clink of the glass as it hits the counter, followed by the sound of alcohol pouring out of a bottle. You raise your head to observe just as he gulps down the liquid like he’s been needing a refreshment for a while.

“Why are you even here?” you ask, evidently groggy from the sleep you’ve been wanting to catch but keep getting deprived of. You’re already so tired and his presence really isn’t helping considering he’s just here to mock you. “To keep you company,”

“You look like you need it.” He slides the once again filled cup toward you, motioning for you to drink it just like he did.

“I don’t need your company, I need my bed.” you rub your eyes as you speak, concurrently while moving the glass back. You’re not drinking alcohol when you literally need to drive you and Nari safely back. “Let me take you home then.” he proposes, a gentle gleam in his eyes as he hopes you accept his (strangely) friendly offer—that he’d definitely not give every stranger he meets, but just this once.

“Do you realize you have a literal show going on that you’re not even present to? You should probably get back.” as anticipated, you decline in confusion. You tip your head, gawking at him as if he just said the most stupid thing ever. And you actually feel like he did. Jungkook shrugs, “I told them I went to the bathroom.” he responds, rather composed for someone who should be busy running back to his guests.

You scoff. “No one takes that long in the bathroom.” Getting up from the stool you borrowed, you sigh as another problem comes back to mind, the one that got you into this. “Besides, I can’t leave anyway, I'm here with a friend.” you say, groaning afterwards at the thought of staying here another hour or so just to wait for her.

“Your friend? You mean the one who hasn’t bothered checking up on you since you left?” he chuckles, shaking his head, “yeah, what a great friend you have,” he remarks. For some reason it pisses you off, maybe because it’s generally true. He’s technically not wrong, but you don't want him to be right.

“I know she’s not the best but no need to insult her. I did promise her I’d keep an eye on her.” you defensively explain to him. He needs to know that you can’t just leave her here with no ride back home. She’s practically by herself surrounded by strangers right now, you should be back there making sure she’s okay, instead you’re here with this asshole with a poor excuse to get into your pants that has done nothing but bother you since you’ve met him.

“Alright, then you don’t have to go home.” he proposes. “Just stay here.” he tells you, and you swear you can’t seem to keep up with him. Can he make up his mind? “I mean,” he continues, making his way back to the front of the bar, “we both know that’s not what I meant when I said let me take you home,” Jungkook saunters towards you and slides in between your legs by slowly parting them open.

You don’t know what comes over you—maybe it’s the shock, or maybe the sudden urge to have him against you, but you don’t do anything to preclude it, watching as he successfully cages you in with his muscular arms. You have to avoid his gaze and stare at his tattooed skin as he leans down. He seems so brawny up close and personal, so big and muscular. You have to stop yourself from getting any ideas by looking down at your lap, you can already feel the heat rising to your ears.

Jungkook chuckles, searching your eyes as you try to not make eye contact. “Hey, look at me,” he murmurs, lifting your chin up with his finger, “you wanna stay here, or do you want me to take you home?” he asks. If anyone would have been eavesdropping into your conversation, the question wouldn’t have had a suggestive innuendo in the slightest. But you do understand what he implied when he asked you it.

You bite your lower lip in thought, not missing the way Jungkook quickly glances down at them before blinking, reverting his eyes back onto yours. You ponder on it for what seems like ages, not knowing what to go for. There’s no one back here, anyway, who’s going to see you? You don’t want to go back to Nari. What’s the point if you’ve already missed half the performances.

“Do we have to go?” you mumble, scared to make too much noise. Jungkook shakes his head momentarily, leaning in closer, so close your noses are brushing. But he halts midway, and patiently waits for your answer. Your jaw locks involuntarily as you peer at his lips, pink and lush, and you wonder how nice it would be to feel them on yours.

Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this, kissing a stranger. It has got to exceed some sort of stranger danger limit, possibly has gone beyond it even. But he’s so close, just right there, in your reach and one tug forwards will send you flying into his embrace. It feels so nice, being within close range of him, being able to smell the perfume he used even though most of its scent has washed away. Being able to access his contact without even having to reach for it.

Maybe it wouldn’t be bad to succumb to whatever trance has you in, he already has you trapped inside, might as well make the best of it. You slowly lean in, still considering on flaking before things get any worse, but the sly smirk that his lips curve into tells you more than anything that there’s no way you’re getting out of this now.

Once you feel his perfectly well kept lips on yours, you melt onto them without even meaning to. The slow pace he chooses to go with only makes the blood in your system surge faster, making your body tense up, wanting more. For someone who you swear you’ve caught checking you out multiple times, he’s sure taking his time with things. Not that you complain, but you’d rather not have anyone see you making out in a practically public bar.

That’s until you feel his arms snake around your back, resting on your ass and pulling you closer to him, you gasp in the process, a meek little sound escaping your throat and Jungkook pushes himself forward, desperately grinding his crotch into you. Anything to have you making that pretty sound again. The strong grip he has on your ass makes it easier for you to inch closer to him. Close enough that his shallow thrusts make a noticeable impact on your body.

The hairs on your skin elevate into a painful reminder that it’s cold in the room and his body heat in contrast does little to prevail it. The useless flannel is not even doing its job anymore. So you part your lips from his in order to remove the fabric clinging to your body. Jungkook takes a moment to leer at your pretty form in his hold, you already look like you’re ready to keel over and he‘s barely done anything yet. He chuckles at the thought of seeing you completely fucked out if this is merely the beginning.

The silky skin of your neck becomes hot as Jungkook attaches his mouth to it, fervently sucking and lapping at it to create blemishes. Pretty bruises that he gets to revel in once he’s done with you. You muffle a whine as you hide your face in the crease of his neck, it’s all you can do as he continuously rocks into you while kissing your neck. But the flashy movement of something in the corner of your eye startles you and you shove him away as you see a girl pass by.

You pant breathlessly as you look at Jungkook, he seems to be dismayed with what you just happened. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks, remaining at his spot further away from you, giving you space since he thinks he’s done something wrong. “Um–no! No, just–maybe we shouldn’t be doing this here,” you stutter anxiously, biting your lip as you look around for anyone who might be observing. Jungkook seems to understand what you’re trying to say and nods, grabbing your hand and the shirt you’ve thrown to the ground in a hurry.

You don’t know where he takes you but you follow him, reluctantly glancing back to see if anyone has seen you. It doesn’t take you long to reach a more secluded place, which you’re grateful for because you just want him to touch you, that’s the only thing you can think about now, and the thought of it has you squeezing your legs together in order to not feel the wetness pulling between them.

You don’t care enough to thoroughly inspect the room, you don’t really know where he’s shoved you into, but there’s no one here to interrupt you and that’s all that matters, and Jungkook apparently thinks so too because the moment he shuts the door he pins you to it and nips at your bottom lip, going straight back to kissing. Only this time it’s far more heated than fervent, teeth clashing and tongue sucking like it’s the last time you’ll ever get to taste each other. You can taste the alcohol that still remains on his tongue, compelling you into a stupor created by just his lips. Right before Jungkook parts away from you, he makes sure to swirl his tongue around yours, letting a string of saliva connect both of your lips as he pulls away.

Normally you’d think it’s fucking gross, spit has never really been one of your turn ons—but the way Jungkook makes it look as if it’s the hottest thing ever has you reeling and you knees almost buckling. “Jump,” he insists, patting the back of your thighs to get you to comply. You’re not thinking clearly, which is the only reason why you obey and leap right into his arms. His hands settle on your ass again and squeeze, making you mewl into his mouth and he grunts in pleasure because you finally made that sound again. The one he’s been longing for ever since he first heard it. He can’t get enough, he doesn’t think he ever will.

Upon reaching the nearest table he sets you down, wasting no time ripping the clothes off your upper-halves, he takes a moment to admire your figure. The slight curve to your waist and hips has him almost drooling, he can’t wait to be able to hold onto them so tightly his grip leaves bruises there too. “Tell me what you want,” he mutters, and you have to momentarily stop breathing to sink in what he just asked from you. You don’t respond, feeling sheepish about the request. Why are you all of a sudden so reticent? Maybe it’s because admitting your thoughts out loud will leave you abashed if he isn’t into them. Or maybe because admitting them out loud is just going to leave you embarrassed when he hears the amount of things you’d like for him to do with you.

But fuck, if he wants you to then you’ll do it, anything just so you can feel his hands on you.

Jungkook stops his movements as he doesn’t hear a response from you, “if you don’t tell me what you want I can’t help you, darling,” he states, his fingers gently caressing your cheek. You whine at the contact, the pad of his thumb tracing circles on the flesh of your hot skin, heated because of how Jungkook peers down at you to answer. “Just—fuck me please,” you plead, a coil igniting inside you at the mere thought, and you wedge your legs together again as he smiles at you, “is that all you want?” he asks. He knows that’s not all, of course he knows, but he wants to hear you say it, wants you to tell him everything you want him to do.

You shake your head furiously, glancing down at his hand, the one with all the tattoos, “your fingers—” you stammer, too bashful to say the entire thing, but Jungkook understands, not needing you to say anything else because even though he loves the way you stumble with your sentences, he wants to be inside you, he’s been wanting to since the moment this all began, and god if he doesn’t get to do it soon he might just actually go crazy. “Want my fingers inside you, hm? Not ready to take my cock just yet?” he asks, so quiet, hushed to the point where the deepness of his voice drops an octave lower and influences how goddamn sexy it sounds.

You don’t say anything, opting to just shake your head silently as he traces his fingers on the inside of your thighs. Jungkook relishes in the soft contact your skin has, so pretty and supple and he wants to get on his own knees and mark every inch of the skin just to later admire how it looks. You’re thankful the clothes you chose to wear were easy to get off, the leather pants not being as tight and stuck to your skin as you thought, made it very easy for Jungkook to slide them off. The lacy underwear you oh so conveniently decided to wear (definitely not after Nari called you out on being grumpy and deprived of sex) gets tugged to the side and you feel a gush of pleasure wash over you when you sense Jungkook’s hand near your dripping core.

Jungkook places open–mouth kisses on your shoulder blade, stopping occasionally to suck on the soft flesh. He’s honestly not very sure how much longer he can keep it up. He moves aside some hair that’s been keeping your neck hidden from him, in an attempt to leave a few more marks on your neck, and you try to ignore the agonizingly slow swirls of his finger running up and down your folds. It feels so good, his hand on your soaked pussy feels so warm, but fucking hell if he doesn’t stop teasing and just fuck you already, you’re going to have to do it yourself.

Jungkook pulls his hand away from where you need it most and skims it up, lightly touching your searing flesh, not missing the chance to grab your breast and massage it gently, before earning him a stifled whine. He hums in satisfaction and continues his way up, before settling on throat. He wraps his hand lightly around your windpipe, and you take a deep breath expecting him to press, but he doesn’t. He draws you in closer by your neck, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before his hand suddenly tugs your jaw open, his thumb inching closer and closer to your mouth. Jungkook places his thumb on your bottom lip, tracing the skin slightly before pushing his way past it, placing his thumb right on your tongue.

“You want my fingers inside you, but you’re not willing to work for it.“ he grumbles, shaking his head as he peers down at you. You avoid his gaze by staring at his arm, fresh tattoos inked on his skin and they’re undeniably beautiful. “such a selfish fucking pussy,” he mutters, his other hand trailing down your torso and waist, before giving a light slap to your cunt. You jolt back, moaning around his thumb at the sudden action. Jungkook takes his thumb out, replacing it with two other fingers as you struggle to breathe calmly. “Suck on them, do something useful,” he taunts you, his other hand going back to rubbing slow circles against your clit. You whimper and give his fingers a brief suck, coating them in the saliva you’ve been secreting. You look up at him and his eyebrows shoot up, as if to ask you when you’re going to start doing what he says.

You swirl your tongue around his calloused fingers, coating and soaking them in your spit until it starts eventually slavering down your throat and his hand. You contract around nothing as his other hand presses on your clit, and he pulls his fingers out of your mouth before trailing it back down to your pussy.

You keen loudly once he finally decides to insert a digit in, the slide being effortless as per the slick that has been ceaselessly pouring out of you. Jungkook watches as you arch your back subconsciously in an attempt to grind down on his hand, and he scoffs at your ungrateful behavior. “Is one not enough for you? You need more?” he teases, sliding in another finger as he pumps them in and out of you with a normal pace. The strain in his pants makes it unbearable for him to work with, but he’ll do it for you. Maybe he shouldn’t have chosen to wear jeans for this, but hell, he didn’t know he’ll be stuck with a girl who gets him going more than he could possibly think.

Your moans subsequently get louder with each pump of his fingers, the curving motion that he’s doing makes it harder to resist the need to cum. The way you gradually start clenching down on his fingers gives Jungkook the assumption that you’re near your orgasm, and he stops kissing across your collarbone and cleavage as he withdraws his hand from your wet cunt. You emit a low whine with the loss of contact, how dare he remove his fingers right when you’re about to cum? With one hand Jungkook ghosts his hand around the back of your bra, unhooking the clasp and removing it from your body, while he places the two fingers he just fucked you with in his mouth, lapping up the sweet arousal you’ve produced just for him.

You take a moment to collect your breath, glancing down to the almost prominent bulge he’s been obviously fighting for a while now. A snicker leaves your mouth and Jungkook has to stop himself from turning you around and making you cum on his tongue a few times. And honestly, he’d love to see your pretty lips wrapped around his cock, but he needs to be inside you right now. If it wasn’t for his torturously hard and leaking dick in his pants he’s been so painfully aware of (even you took notice of it for fuck’s sake), he would’ve done it. He would’ve loved to have you gagging on his cock, but if he doesn’t do something about it in the next thirty seconds, he’s worried it might actually explode.

He tugs at your dainty underwear, gesturing you to remove it as he focuses on removing the rest of his clothes. Once he’s done shoving the pair of uncomfortable jeans halfway down his legs, Jungkook takes you by your thighs, lifting you up and setting you back down into the table. You shouldn’t be worrying about how cold the surface feels against your bare ass, not when he’s there, nude and pretty much the exact picture you’ve been imagining for the last—two hours now?

He’s so buff, broad shoulders that could probably be used for carrying heavy loads almost tower above you in size. The sleeve tattoos you’ve been waiting to be uncovered finally revealed and, oh they’re so pretty, running up his arm and bicep, ending just a little above his shoulder. You want to take the time to dote on them, praising every splash of ink dotted onto his skin. But Jungkook wraps your legs around his waist, and pulls you closer, aligning himself with your entrance, you lean back, reclining on the table as he pulls you by your hips to be as close to him as possible.

“Fuck—” you mutter, a quiet moan escaping your lips when he drags the tip of his cock down your slit, coating himself with your arousal before sliding in almost gradually to the point you can feel every muscle stretch around him. He’s so big, fills you up so well, not an inch of you isn't satisfied with the way he fits inside you just perfectly. Jungkook grunts when he feels you clamp tightly around him, making it difficult for him to inch further into you. So he pulls out—unfortunately so, he already misses your deliciously addicting walls around him—and shoves himself back in with an intensity that has you becoming woozy as he thrusts into you.

Moans spill out of your mouth without you wanting them to, and you have to bite down on your wrist to prevent them from getting any louder as Jungkook leans down, catching one of your breasts in his mouth and sucking, sucking and licking until the bud of your nipple is fully perked and the skin around it swollen. He retracts, glorifying your form beneath him, so pretty and fucked out, so sensuous and fragile and he doesn’t know if he can keep it up much longer with how you’re whispering and uttering lecherous mewls. Your hips move on their own accord, sinking down in time with his, making his tip hit different spots in you that have you begging for release.

“Shit—you feel so good,” he grumbles, relentlessly drilling into you with a faster pace. “You’re doing so good, fuck—being so good for me,” his moans sound so sultry in your ears, euphonious sounds echoing in your head like bells, and the words slipping past his lips too, perfect chants and praises you’d like to relish in forever. You whine perpetually at the thought of having him praise you like this endlessly without reason. You want to say something back, maybe about how good he’s making you feel, or how perfectly his cock fits inside you, but you can’t—can’t even begin to think about forming coherent phrases. Maybe if he wasn’t sucking on your tits like his fucking life depended on it while inconsistently thrusting into you, you could’ve formulate a sentence, but instead you just moan, keen in response and Jungkook is more than delighted to be able to hear those pretty whines.

Just as you feel the thread keeping you together snap, Jungkook draws out, and you groan at the delay you have to face yet again. But that’s quickly replaced with a whiny gasp when he flips you over, your stomach now laying flat on the surface of the table, and Jungkook traces his thumb up and down your cleft, glazing his fingers in the mess you’ve made. He lets a small splotch of spit drip down to the crevice of your ass, and he uses his thumb to rub it down your slit, briefly sinking it inside your cunt and pumping in and out, watching as the excessive amount of slick that coats your pussy dribbles down your thigh.

The view he’s been gifted with is enough to have him almost coming, but he replaces his thumb with his cock, and dives himself deep inside you, hitting every spot within you perpendicularly. So gorgeous you look, so pretty you sound, so nice you feel and god, he can’t take it. His hand sneakily makes its way down to your stomach, and he lifts your hips just slightly, placing his bag hand on your lower abdomen. In one fast movement Jungkook sheathes himself all the way inside you, his cock brushing against your sweet spot repeatedly and his hand pressing down firmly on your abdomen. You can feel the way he continuously batters your lower stomach, and you sigh, and you know he can feel how your belly protrudes against his hand. A muffled cry leaves your mouth as Jungkook pistons his cock inside you, brimming you with his girth while he leans down, smothering kisses across your back and nape.

He leans into your ear, nibbling slightly on your lobe before sighing, “so pretty, such a pretty slut just for me, right?” he coos, his heart palpitating and you can feel it against your head. You nod in agreement, you head moving up and down intensely as you opt to slam your ass back against his hips to bury him deeper within you. His thrusts seem to slow down, sloppily ramming into you as he feels himself nearing his climax. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” He didn’t think he’d be coming so soon, but he should’ve known better if it was your pussy he was so generously given to gratify. He takes a few seconds to thrust into you before pulling out, maneuvering himself so the thick spurts of cum land on your back instead.

Jungkook doesn’t fail to notice the way you’re both a moaning mess, and he relishes in the sounds you make, wiping the excess come that remain on his tip before so kindly pushing himself back in, and he instantly notes the way you clench around him, seemingly close to your orgasm as well. He makes a few slow drags, watching as the substance that paints your pussy surges out of you and coats his cock. “Mmh, keep—keep doing that,” you stammer, the first sentence you’ve said since he started fucking you. Jungkook complies, his eyes rolling to the back of his as he pulls out just to push back in. “Fuck—so big, fills me up so good,” you purr, your chest undulating heavily as you try to keep your mind at bay.

“Cream on my cock, baby, I know you can.” he coerces. He thinks it’s about time he lets you come anyways, you’ve been so good for him, so docile beneath him, it’s the least he can do. You give a meek little nod, whining as you feel the coil that’s been pleading to burst finally let loose, and you convulse around him, shuddering and wailing and your legs shake. “Such a good girl,” he praises, caressing the curve of your waist as he waits for you to regain your composure. “So perfect for me, yeah?” he coos, subsequently pulling out and smiling as he hears the small whine emit from your throat. Jungkook stuffs two of his fingers inside your dripping cunt, gaping at the way you spasm around them and the come-covered slick that gushes in and out of you as he fucks you.

He decides to spare you from another orgasm and pulls his fingers out, not paying any mind to your dragged out moan as he laps up the substance from his digits. “You taste so fucking good, __.” he grumbles, and you have to grit your eyes tightly in order to not witness the scene, you’re so close to asking him to fuck you again. But you know if you let that happen, there’s no way you’d be able to walk out of this room, even less so driving 45 minutes back home.

Jungkook flips you around, making you sit straight up. The coldness of the table mixed with the wetness between your thighs makes you arch your back, wanting to escape the feeling. Jungkook pulls you towards him, catching your lips in a heated kiss, you can taste yourself on his tongue and it just makes you dart yours further into his mouth. His hands run soothingly across spine, traveling to your hips and waist, and your fingers tug on his hair in return, making him groan in the kiss. Jungkook pulls away, moving the stray hairs that stick messily to your forehead and backs up, pulling his pants back on and disappearing into another room.

You take the moment to gather your thoughts, catching your breath and sighing. You did not expect whatever the hell just happened, but you’re not complaining, you terribly needed it. Jungkook was just the first person willing to give it to you, so you took your chances, and yeah it was possibly the best sex you’ve ever had, but you don’t know if you want it to happen again. Something inside you tells you there’s no way this would be the last time you see each other though, and that frightens you. How easy it was to sleep together despite the obvious tension you had at the first meeting.

It was a one time thing.

Jungkook comes strolling his way towards you, a towel in one hand and two water bottles in the other. You silently praise him for grabbing a bottle of water on his way back, the dryness in your suddenly becoming palpable. “Here, drink this,” he urges, handing you a bottle, and he doesn't need to tell you twice. You reach out and snatch the bottle, quickly removing the cap and gulping down the water to quench your thirst. Jungkook scorns at you, watching as you attempt to squeeze your legs together to prevent fluid from seeping down.

He separates your legs with his hand, intruding in your personal space again. This time though, he’s sure you won’t be surprised by his actions, and he uses the towel to clean the mess between them. You sigh, a satisfying feeling washes over you when you don’t feel so sticky anymore. “Thank you,” you quietly say, not wanting to invade the peaceful silence and make it awkward. “For what?” he asks, still concentrated on thoroughly cleaning you up before backing away, in search of your clothes.

“For the–um, water,” you sheepishly respond, and you want to slap yourself for becoming so shy again in his presence. Jungkook hums, his eyebrows shoot up in response, “only for the water?” he taunts, a small smile decorating his lips as you feel your cheeks heat up. You give him a bashful nod in return, opting to not give him any more attention to not make you a mousy little bitch in front of him. You slip off the edge of the table and bend down to grab your undergarments, ignoring the slight soreness in between your thighs and the way they still faintly quiver.

Jungkook makes it easier for you by tossing you the rest of your clothes, and he grabs his own shirt and tugs it on. He searches for his phone before quickly cheing the time, “we should hurry, they’re fast walkers.” he jests, and you roll your eyes as you bite back the need to laugh.

The two of you quickly leave the room after making yourselves look somewhat presentable, and you sneak past the way you came from before Jungkook gets pulled back. You watch as he gets dragged by your best guess is one of his friends, but you don’t miss the smug smile he sends you before turning back.

In the corner of your eye you catch Nari leaving the room in search of you, and you try your best not to stagger as you try to catch up with her. “Where the hell were you?” she probes, a concerned and irritated expression visible on her face, and you give her a blank stare before continuing to walk. “I’ll explain tomorrow,” you lie, there’s not a chance you’ll be explaining anything to her, even if she’s your friend. “I just wanna sleep.”

Nari frowns, but doesn’t ask anything else, she can tell that you’re exhausted by the way you speak. “Okay,” she starts, “you know, I didn’t get to sleep with him,” she states, and you stiffen upon hearing her, the memory of you and Jungkook still fresh on your. “But at least I got his number. That’s a positive,” she continues, and you had to stifle a laugh because she failed to do what she came here to, but at least she enjoyed the concert. “Yeah, you’ll get there, don't worry.” you reassure her.

You want to scream at that alarm.

It’s been blaring for two minutes now, and it’s causing you a headache. You want to turn over and switch off your phone, but the soreness in your muscles are very prominent this early in the morning. So you groan and scour your entire bed for that damn phone. And when you finally find it, you want to chuck it across the room for giving you so much so early. And you would’ve if it wasn’t for the obscene amount of messages you’ve received overnight.

But one catches your eye. A number you don’t have registered in your phone. And you’re suddenly anxious to read them, not knowing why an unknown number would be texting you so late at night. But you sigh and press on the notification, making it enlarge on your screen so you could get a better look.

+ 82 463 7279: So when can I come by for my second round? - J.K

end notes: i have no clue who’s number it is that i used for this but it’s definitely not jungkook’s.

anyways, i left the ending ambiguous so it looks like it isn’t the last time they’ll see each other, i also implied it into the story as well.

edit: apparently this didn’t queue and i added the wrong time? 😭 i had to schedule it again so i’m an hour late. i’m so sorry !! i hope you enjoyed it though <3

© 2020 jeongjuk

[bonky-n-steeb]

this probably isn’t a good idea but this has been bobbing in my head for awhile…what if bucky had killed one of y/n’s close family members like their sibling or parent(s) or anything like that while he was winter soldier and they’re one of the people on bucky’s list in tfatws to make amends and he’s like taking them on dates and stuff to show them he’s sorry and he remembers their family member and bucky ends up catching feelings for them??

this is probably a TERRIBLE idea and i’m probably making myself look DUMB MAYBE U COULD MAKE IT A LOT BETTER IDKXKENDDN I ADORE YOU AND YOUR BLOG EEEE

Thank you!!!! You made me blush. 🥰 This is an AMAZING idea and I’ll come there and bonk you if you ever again say it’s terrible. Ily 😘 I hope you like it!

the sun and the shadow

𝙗𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || angst with a happy ending

this is not proofread :/

This reminds of that post I’d seen where it was like you go on a date with Bucky and he tells you he killed your grandma 😂

Bucky wanted to tell you. He really did. But how could he? How could he tell you about his heinous crimes when you were all he had.

Bucky still remembered your first meeting. He had cancelled the names above you on the list and now it was your turn. It was simple, he was going to confess and apologise and walk away towards a new day.

His therapist had said it would help him. He still didn’t know how removing the scabs on his wounds would ever be good for him; but he did it nonetheless.

And it was probably helpful. He could sleep much better at night knowing that there wasn’t anything to hide anymore. But he would never say this out loud; he had a grumpy reputation to maintain after all.

But then he’d met you. You were waiting for some blind date at a restaurant when he had approached you. He was about to introduce himself but before that, you’d considered him to be your blind date.

You couldn’t believe that the white wolf was your blind date. The one and only Bucky Barnes. Like were the avengers on tinder too?

Bucky thought maybe it was for the better and had started talking with you. I’ll tell her at the end of the night, he told himself. But just like your actual date, the end of the night never came.

And one date, extended to two; and two became three, and it went on. Bucky hadn’t told you he wasn’t your actual date and neither did he tell you that he had killed your only brother.

He had been on a mission where along with a few others, he had killed your brother. Back then, the soldier didn’t feel any remorse. He wasn’t programmed to feel. But now the guilt ate him every moment of his life.

He knew that the day the truth would spill out, was the day you’d leave him. And just the thought of losing you brought upon immeasurable pain.

You were filled with life and your eyes twinkled with hope as you spoke and he couldn’t blame himself for wanting to have a share of your light. You were the sun and he was the shadow.

There wouldn’t be a shadow without the sun just like there wouldn’t be darkness without light. And he too would cease to exist without you.

Hydra had sucked out his memories and emotions. And even after his memories were back, he never thought he’d ever feel again. But then you made him feel.

He felt proud when you laughed at his jokes and he felt happy when you baked cookies. He felt jealous when someone looked at you the wrong way and he felt sad when you cried. Most importantly, he felt love every time he saw you.

But today was going to be the most difficult day he was yet to live. Today was your brother’s death anniversary and you had trusted him enough to ask him to be with you when you visited your brother’s grave.

He couldn’t deny you that. But he couldn’t keep this secret any longer either. He was finally going to tell you. Even if you slapped him and walked away, he would take the pain you gave willingly.

Bucky patiently waited for you in his car. When you came out of your house and sat besides Bucky, your eyes were red rimmed and he was pretty sure you had cried the previous night.

He asked you if you were fine and only when you nodded did he start his car. The entire ride you both were silent. You were lost in the memories of your brother while he was debating when to tell you.

When you reached the graveyard, you walked towards your brother’s grave while Bucky stood at a distance. He knew you needed some alone time with him.

You placed the flowers you had brought near the gravestone and quietly leaned against it. You wanted to tell him so much, but at the same time you couldn’t quite speak a word.

Never in your life had you thought he’d leave you so soon. But fate was cruel and death always took the best people. You just hoped he was happy and at peace wherever he was.

Every year after his passing, you’d come here and tell him the highlights of your year. This time was no different; you him about your promotion, your new car and most importantly Bucky.

Bucky was nothing like you’d expected him to be. He was caring, resourceful and loyal. He was a gentleman through and through. You were sure your brother and Bucky would be friends if he were alive.

Once you were done, you walked towards Bucky with a smile. He on the other hand looked tense and worried. “I want to tell you something.”

You nodded him to go ahead. “I… I killed your brother.” There was no point sugar coating it. Now that it was out of his system, he felt much better; though he knew what was to come.

“What?” You couldn’t digest words that fell on your ear. “When I was the winter soldier.. I, uh… I murdered him.”

He saw how your face crumbled, how your nose scrunched up and how the tears rushed to your eyes. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

You walked behind until your back hit a tree and sagged against it. “Go away. Please.” Your voice was hoarse from all the crying and there was an underlying pain in it.

Bucky wanted to hold you and tell you how much he loved you. But the he was cause of your misery, wasn’t he? He had been selfish; if he had told you on the first day itself you wouldn’t feel this heartbreak.

Holding your head in your palms, you tightly closed your eyes and refused to watch him walk away. And the only question you asked to god, again and again was, why?

~~~

The tv screen was playing some football match as Bucky sat on the floor of his house, loathing himself. There were discarded beer bottles and leftover chips just laying around on the floor.

He knew he was supposed to clean the house and go to work. But he didn’t feel like doing anything. No matter what he did, your thought never left his mind.

He missed it when the first time it happened, but the second time his ears perked up when he heard the bell go off. Someone was here to visit him. He was 99% sure it must be Sam.

Before answering, he checked his phone. He almost gasped when he noted it been two whole days since the incident and he hadn’t even realised. God lord, he needed to get it together.

When he opened the door, he saw the last person he expected to, you. You offered him a bright smile when you saw him and he returned it back. Everything didn’t seem so difficult anymore.

“Um, hey!” He didn’t know why your mood suddenly became awkward. He followed your eyes and looked down. He wanted to smack himself when he realised he was practically naked save for his boxers.

“Oops! Wait a minute!” Bucky replied as he sprinted back into his bedroom. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t seen him in his boxers, but right now it was purely awkward.

When he came back, he was wearing a Henley and sweatpants. “Hi!” He shyly ran his hands through his hair. “I thought it was… over.” Bucky felt heavy even while saying it out loud.

“Do you want it to be?” Your intentions of coming here were much different. “No. I…” Bucky couldn’t say anything further. “I want us to be together.”

Bucky stared at you as if he’d seen a ghost. Did you just say that or was he imagining it? “But I…” You sighed as you began speaking,

“Yeah I know. I thought a lot in these two days. What you did wasn’t up to you. I can’t blame you for what hydra did. It wasn’t at all your fault.

And Bucky I love you.” Without being able to stop for a moment, he engulfed you into a bear hug. “You… you forgive me?” He was the happiest he had ever been.

“Bucky, there is nothing to forgive. But if it makes you happy, then yes I forgive you.” Oh, how had Bucky yearned to listen to those words.

“I have to tell you two things too.” You pouted, what did he want to tell you now? “Second, I’m not your actual blind date. I came there to tell you about your brother but you considered me your date and I couldn’t stop you.”

Bucky was shocked to see you laughing. “I… I know!” Bucky stared at you with wide eyes. “That idiot called me a day later and told me his boss told him to work over time so he couldn’t come. And I knew it definitely wasn’t you who was supposed to be coming.”

Bucky chuckled as he pulled you closer. “And what’s the first thing?” You asked in a sultry tone. “The first thing is,… I love you.”

You pulled his face down and kissed him. “As much as I love you, I need you to take a bath Bucky. You stink!” Bucky winked back, “Anything for you doll.”

[desireness]

Wants & Needs [Sasha x f!reader] 16+

-cw: au, praising, oral sex, thigh riding, fingering, wlw, slight choking, dom! reader, sub! sasha

sneak peak: You’ve had attraction for your friend Sasha for a very long time. What will happen when she calls, begging you to hangout? Especially when she confesses that she’s been so horny lately..

notes: Been having sasha brain rot recently so here’s this. Sasha is just *chefs kiss*. Enjoy.

You open your eyes to the sound of your ringtone going off on your phone. You search around for your phone on your bedside table without even looking, too tired to bother. You briefly look at your phone’s screen to check who’s calling you.

“Sasha, what the fuck do you want?” you ask annoyed.

“Were you already sleeping? what are you? a fucking grandma?” she snorts.

“yea, i’m hanging up”

“NO WAIT”

Sasha goes on to talk about how she’s sorry for waking you up and babbles about other irrelevant things. She could be so annoying sometimes but you love that about her.

“Okay, why did you actually call?” you ask rubbing the tiredness away from your eyes.

“i’m bored... and hungry. Please bring food and come hangout with me” she whines over the phone.

You hesitate at first, wanting to sleep more but also not wanting to let her down. Plus, you forgot to eat dinner before bed anyways so why not?

“Fuck it, fine. You owe me though.” You say before hanging up.

You sigh, throwing your phone on the bed. You get out of your bed, quickly missing the warmth and comfort it provided. A chill washes over your skin as you’re exposed to the cold air of your room. You go to put on a warm hoodie and decide to keep your comfy sweatpants on. You quickly grab your car keys and your phone, taking one last glance in the mirror before heading towards the parking lot of your apartment complex. Your hair was messy and disheveled, but you could care less. You were just going to see Sasha anyways.

On your way to her apartment, you stop at Sasha’s favorite fast food restaurant to get dinner for you both. The drive there was short, only about ten minutes. As you arrived you texted her, “here.”

She didn’t reply, which was quite strange. She’s usually fast at replying, especially when there is food involved. As you reach her apartment door, you type in the passcode and walk right in like you normally do. You walked into the kitchen and set the bag of food on the counter.

“Sasha?” you called out. No answer.

You walk towards her bedroom, opening the door that was already cracked open. There she was, cuddled up in her blankets, sleeping. “For fuck’s sake.” You said under your breath.

Sasha looks so pretty with her hair down and sprawled out on her pillow. You had always noticed how attractive she was. Sometimes staring a little too long at her face or especially, her lips. Her skin is so gorgeous and bright. You often find your touches on her skin lingering too long or your eyes wandering over her body whenever she changed in front of you. She was perfect and it often made your head so full of her. Wondering was it was like to touch her, kiss her, taste her, pleasure her.

You realized these actions weren’t normal for regular friends, you’ve known that for awhile so you never acted on them in fear that she might push you away. Plus, it’s not like you’ve ever really had the chance, she’s always been with some guy. They were all trash and the relationship often didn’t last long but still, it frustrated you. She deserves better, no, the best. You’ve heard all of her sex stories and how they never seem to truly satisfy her. You knew you could be the one to do that for her, make her feel so good. Sometimes you day dream about filling her up with your fingers and having her scream your name. You get wet just thinking about it. If only you had the chance.

You move some hair out of her sleepy face, admiring her for a few more seconds before softly shaking her awake. “Sash, wake up I brought food.” You say sweetly.

Sasha’s eyes flutter open and she sits up, yawning and stretching.

“Ahh shit, sorry for falling asleep. Thanks for coming.” She softly smiles at you making you flash a smile back. " ‘s ok”

You’re sitting in front of her, watching her grab her phone and look at the time. 12:23 A.M. She’s wearing an oversized t-shirt, exposing her plush thighs to you. You rub your thighs together to help ease the tension. You could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra and probably wearing some cute lace panties as well. It’s driving you crazy, you want to feel her so badly.

Sasha lays back on her bed with a groan. You ask her what’s wrong and she replies “i’ve been so fucking horny lately and nico’s been busy so I can’t even call him up. It’s so annoying.” She sighs. This only made you crave her more, trying so hard to push your desires away. “Maybe I should buy a new vibrator or something to keep me company.” She laughs. You smiled but didn’t think it was funny. She didn’t need a vibrator or anything else. What she needed was you.

“Anyways, where’s the food?” She asks eagerly.

“In the kitchen...” You trail off looking at the small bit of drool placed on the corner of her mouth. You take your thumb and wipe it away, your touch lingering a little too long on her lips. All Sasha did was giggle.

Before Sasha could say anything, you place your lips on hers, holding her chin between your thumb and your pointer. You kiss her softly, afraid to scare her off by being too aggressive at first. Sasha’s eyes are wide open, slowly processing the scene before her. You continue to move your lips against hers but you quickly realize she isn’t doing the same. You take this as a hint that she is uncomfortable, parting away from her lips. Not even a second after you broke the kiss, Sasha leaned back in to put her lips on yours. Her hands are on both sides of your cheeks, cupping your face.

Your lips move in synch with hers, relishing in each other’s taste. You want to memorize what she tastes like, you aren’t in any hurry. Your mind is fuzzy as you run your tongue against her bottom lip, asking for entrance. She quickly abides slightly opening up her mouth so your tongue could slide in. Your tongues intertwine, pulling a sweet moan from her mouth into yours. Your cunt clenches in response. It’s your first time hearing her pretty voice like that, all whiny and submissive. It was all because of you. You briefly came back to your senses, pulling away from her lips.

She is slightly panting, lips glossy from the kiss. She looks so sensual right now. “What about niccolo?” you say, slightly averting your eyes so your not tempted to throw her on the bed and fuck her right there, not caring about her feelings. “We’re not exclusive or anything.” She grabs the hem of your shirt, nervously playing with it between her fingers. “So don’t stop, please.” She’s blushing, eyes meeting yours. That’s all you needed to hear from her, a sign that she wants you to keep making her feel good.

You take no time reattaching your lips with hers, placing your hands on her waist to pull her onto your lap. You take your time to pepper sweet kisses from her lips to her jaw then to her neck. Taking the skin of her neck between your teeth while she hisses at the sting, gripping your shoulders roughly. You use the pad of your tongue to ease the sting, tasting her skin. It wasn’t hard for you to find her sweet spot. You suck and kiss her skin, making her an aroused mess on top of your lap. You creep your hands underneath her shirt, feeling the sides of her waist and ribs, while just brushing against the underside of her breasts. You can tell she’s getting impatient from the way she’s letting out small desperate gasps at your touches. You like seeing what a mess she is for you. You can feel the goosebumps on her skin as you feel around underneath her shirt. You give her jaw one last kiss before you pull away to grab ahold of the hem of her shirt. You shoot her a glance of permission and she quickly nods.

One you slide the shirt up and over, her breasts bounce down on full display for you to see. You can only mutter “fuck” at the sight before you. You had seen Sasha barely clothed before but never like this. You’ve never seen this sight knowing you had full control over it. Your eyes wander over her body being completely topless, only some cute lace underwear covering her cunt. “You’re so gorgeous, baby.” you say grasping her breasts in your hands. Sasha moans in response, loving the way you praise her.

You eagerly attach your mouth to her breast, finding the nipple with ease. She immediately whines at the contact. You suck on one breast and palm at the other, making her fingers intertwine with your hair and slightly tug on it when you nip and roll at her nipples. Her breasts are the prettiest you’ve ever seen. Perfectly round and perky, god she’s amazing. You feel her start to grind on top of you, trying to relieve the growing ache between her legs. That only makes you want her more.

“Ride my thigh, baby.” You whisper in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. You grasp her ass and her hips with your hands and guide her body over yours. Helping her ride you while your face is buried in her tits. She gasps at the sudden contact, burying her face into your neck. Her breasts practically bounce in your mouth as she moves back and forth. She nibbles and bites on your neck, trying to handle the overall pleasure of it all. You can tell she’s getting close by the way she’s whining in your ear, hands grasping your shoulders tightly.

All of a sudden you grab her hips harshly, stopping her from making anymore movement. She whimpers at the loss of contact, making you smile as you leave a sweet kiss on her shoulder. You look up at her, grasping her jaw and giving her a light kiss. Your fingers find her wet clothed cunt, making her gasp into your mouth. She whines loudly as soon as your fingers start to circle her clit. You moan in response into her mouth, lapping your tongues sloppily.

She lets out a desperate muffled, “please” into your neck. “Please what? hmm?” you purr bringing her face to look at yours. Her face is a flushed mess and her lips are slightly swollen, making you feel proud of yourself knowing you caused it. Sasha grabs your your other hand that is on her ass and places it near her cunt. “Your fingers, need them so bad.” She pleas. You hum in response, bringing your fingers up to your lips, not hers. You want her to watch you make them wet, so that it’s engraved her mind. You swirl your tongue around your fingers, making wet and sloppy sounds. Sasha watches eagerly, letting out a needy moan. You remove your fingers, leaving a string of saliva connecting from your mouth to your fingers.

Sasha stands up, removes her panties, and sits her pretty ass right back on your lap. You move your fingers down to her folds and softly run through them. Sasha let’s out a small gasp as your fingers reach down to find her slit, teasing the entrance. “Shit, you’re so wet. All this for me?” She nods in agreement with a breathy moan.

You insert your two fingers inside her, painfully slow. She clenches down hard and squeezes her eyes shut. You want her to feel every part of your fingers, want her to remember this feeling. “Feels so good inside me.” She says sweetly, making you pump your fingers inside her just to hear more of her sweet voice. She rides your fingers as you pump them into her at the same time. She throws her head back in pleasure, giving you perfect access to her neck. She cries out your name as you kiss and suck on her sweet spot while filling her up. You grip her ass hard, helping her move up and down on your now soaked fingers. Her walls are so squishy and wet, making you fuck her with your fingers ruthlessly. She repeatedly lets out loud high pitched moans. You’re soaked at this point, all aroused because of her pleasure.

“Am close, you’re filling me up so good!” She cries out. Her words go straight to your cunt and you increase the speed of your fingers, using your thumb to circle her clit at the same time. The erotic sounds of her wetness and her moans fill the room, leaving you so satisfied. Her tits are flying up and down as she rides you faster and you take a mental screenshot to remember this sight forever. “Who’s making you feel good hm? Who’s the one that’s pleasuring you the way no one ever has?” You groan. Your free hand finds it’s place around her neck, squeezing ever so slightly. “You are! It’s all you!” She sobs. The coil in her stomach has reached it’s max and is ready to snap. “Fuck, good girl.” You grunt grabbing her jaw and pulling it forward so your faces are inches away. “Now come for me, pretty.” And she does, practically screaming your name as she cums around your fingers.

She collapses onto your shoulder, panting into your neck. You rub soft circles on her clit to help her come down from her high. You pull your fingers out gently and place them in your mouth to clean them off. She tastes so sweet and saccharine, you can’t help but want to clean her off with your tongue. You whisper sweet praises to her, telling her how amazing she did. She nuzzles into your neck, leaving soft kisses as a thank you.

She hops off of your lap, laying down on the bed. You take no time to pull your sweatpants and panties down. You are so wet, you couldn’t just leave yourself like this. Sasha stares at the ceiling, unaware of your actions until you climb on top of her, cunt hovering over her breasts. She lifts her head up slightly with a confused expression on her face but blushes at the sight of your bare and soaked count. You slightly drag you cunt over her breasts as you grab the back of her head and say “Remember how you said you were hungry? Now eat.”

You practically shove her face into your pussy and she complies. Kissing and kitten-licking your folds at first, making you satisfyingly sigh. She grabs onto the back of your thighs, pushing you closer. You’re basically sitting on her face now. She finally starts to lap her tongue on your clit, making you grip her hair hard. You let out a series of satisfied, loud moans making Sasha whine into your cunt. You praise her for her good work. “such a good girl for me, gonna make me cum, baby?” She pulls away to nod at you before placing her tongue on your pussy again.

She sucks on your clit repeatedly, making your hips slowly ride her face. You do your best not to crush her face in the process. Her tongue feels so good and you love having this power of her. You love quite literally sitting on her face while she submits to all of your requests. She slips her tongue into your dripping hole, making you groan as your throw your head back. You continue riding her face as the room fills with wet sounds from her tongue slipping in and out of you.

It all starts to become too much for you, making your legs twitch and shake. Sasha pulls away for a second. “Want you to cum” She pleas looking up at you, teasing your clit with her tongue. She looks so cute with her begging eyes. You hum in response, grabbing the back of her head. “Since you’ve been very compliant, i’ll allow it.” You stroke the side of her mouth before entering two of your fingers inside. You collect her saliva and your own juices with your fingers, making her pleasantly sigh in response. You bring your fingers out of her mouth and place them on your tongue. “Make mommy cum.”

You shove her face right back where it belongs, earning a gasp from her. She flicks her tongue on your clit at a rapid speed which makes you a moaning mess. You moan over and over again as her tongue reaches all the right places. Her tongue switches between your hole and clit, making you see stars. Your legs start to shake and your breathe picks up. You can feel yourself about to cum by the way your stomach and pussy tingles, sending you into pure euphoria. Sasha focuses on your clit, flicking her tongue ruthlessly to help your reach your high. Your orgasm washed over you with a loud high pitched moan, making your mouth into a perfect O shape. You cum all over Sasha’s face.

She circles your clit with her tongue to help you come down from your high, cleaning all of your release off your pussy and thighs with her tongue. You come back to your senses and remove yourself from her grasp. You both lay there for a couple of minutes, processing everything that just occurred. You couldn’t help but smile, knowing that you just fucked Sasha better than anyone else ever has. All Sasha could say was “wow” and giggle. You laughed along with her, pushing her hair out of her face.

All of a sudden, Sasha’s phone rings. You grab it, seeing Niccolo’s name on the screen and hand it to her. You can slightly hear Niccolo tell her he’s free tonight if she wants. You kiss her shoulder sweetly, waiting for her response. “I’ll pass, i’m pretty content at the moment.” She smiles at you and hangs up on him.

She gives you a quick peck before heading off towards the kitchen. She looks back at you with a cute smile before leaving the room. “Thanks for two meals tonight, by the way.”

[hyuckssunchip]

Reputation

Pairings: Johnny x Reader, ft. nct 127

Words: 4.3K

Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), angst, some fluff

Request:  Angst 42 and 48 ➵ “You promised.” “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.” / @jungcherie​

(im so sorry i took so long.... i turned a drabble into a story... oops)​

Johnny Suh had a reputation that was unmatched.

There was no other way to put it.

And a reputation like his left trails of tears.

A pool of tears that you were currently drowning in.

It was obvious Johnny was dangerous, perhaps that’s why you were drawn to him. While every single one of your instincts had you fighting and rejecting him, you were desperate for him all the more.

It was March 13th that you lost your first will.

“Y/N, right?”

You turned around to find a familiar face towering over you.

“Yeah.” 

It was that stupid smile that had you. 

“Hey, we have have Communications together. I was wondering if you wanted to do that project together?” He scratched the back of his neck like he was embarrassed. “I just know that you’re insanely smart so... Sorry, wait, that sounds like I’m just talking to you for your grades.”

You giggled nervously, a habit that you did when you were uncomfortable.

“Look, I just... do you? You know, wanna do the project together? I mean, I’m a pretty smooth talker so I can do the presentation. I get good grades too...”

Stupid smile.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. There’s actually a little party at my frat tonight, you maybe wanna come? Get to know each other before we drown in work?” 

Fucking stupid smile.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” You blushed at the idea, cursing at yourself for being so obvious. 

Parties weren’t really your thing. 

But at the time Johnny Suh was.

Your ears were pounding because of the insanely loud level the music was at. You were actually shocked that no one had called the cops with a noise complaint, but the fact that they were on frat row made more sense.

“Y/N. You made it.” A arm was flung over your shoulder and, thankfully the lights were both dim and flashing enough that he couldn’t see the way that you blushed at the action.

“Yeah. Is it always this loud?” You asked, still not so comfortable with the atmosphere.

“What?” Johnny yelled, pointing at his ear, indicating that he couldn’t hear you. Of course he fucking couldn’t. Then he jerked his thumb to the right, nodding at the backyard, which was seemingly empty.

With his hand placed on your back, he guided you outside, your head already thanking him from the escape of noise pollution. It was far better outside of the house.

The two of you collapsed onto the swinging chair, sighing as you cleared your head.

“So parties aren’t really your thing?” Johnny leaned closer, noting the look of relief that you had donned the moment you exited.

“It’s not that I hate them... I’m just not a fan. I mean a bunch of sweaty, horny drunk people grinding on each other. I just like smaller things.” You explained, staring up at the dark sky, shivering slightly at the cool breeze.

“You didn’t have to come.” Johnny suddenly looked guilty, “I didn’t mean to force you into coming, I just... thought I’d invite you.”

You quickly backtracked, “No, you didn’t force me. If I didn’t want to come, I wouldn’t have.” You ignored the voice in the back of your head that begged to differ.

“Right.” He grinned, as if he could read your mind. “You’re not great at lying, but I’m gonna pretend that I believe you.”

You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“Were you playing beer pong?” You asked suddenly, causing him to look at you in confusion.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

You laughed, looking away from him, “You have quite the reputation Mr. Suh, even someone like me knows the extent of your skills.”

Johnny smirked, liking how easy you were making it for him. “Is that so? Is that the only skill of mine you’ve heard about?”

You raised your eyebrows, hating the turn that your mind took. “W-what kind of other skills did you have in mind?” You stuttered out.

Suddenly it felt like you were caged in, his arms tense around your frame, causing you to lean back against the back of the swing.

“Tell me what you’ve heard.” 

You averted your eyes, unable to take his heavy gaze. His eyes had turned dark, full of lust, and you tried desperately to forget the effect they were having on you.

As if sensing how uncomfortable you were getting, he backed off, dusting off some invisible dirt on his shoulder. He cocked his head to the side with a sly smile, happy with a new challenge. 

Things weren’t going to be as easy as he thought they were, but that’s what made it fun.

“No that’s so stupid. Are you kidding me? Robin could absolutely never beat Batman. Is that even a question?” Your hands were waving animately, far too much for an argument about fictional superheroes.

“Sure. I’m just saying that Robin could totally catch him off guard, like out of the blue, you know.” Johnny slurped on his drink shrugging his shoulders like he didn’t care. 

“No. Absolutely not. First of all Robin doesn’t have the guts to do something like that and second of all Robin doesn’t have any powers. How on Earth would he beat him?”

“Umm... Batman doesn’t have powers either.” He made a duh face at you, which you chose to ignore.

“Yeah, well he’s got money, and that’s basically a super power.”

“Let’s be real, Batman isn’t even really a real superhero. He’s just a hero. Period.” 

You huffed, rolling your eyes at the argument. “That’s a whole different story.”

“I’m just saying.” He sang back teasingly.

“And I’m just saying that this is stupid. How did we even get here?” You laughed, trying to remember how this conversation came about.

“Uh, you made the bold choice of saying that the Batman vs. Superman movie was shit. Very controversial by the way.” He frowned at the memory.

You let your bag fall heavily on the library table, earning you a few glares as studying students dug into their books.

You sent an apologetic look before sliding into your seat. “Let’s just get this presentation done. Our presentation date is the 23rd and I don’t even have a clue of what to write it on.”

“Well the topic is influencers that change your life. Do you have anyone in mind?”He asked, flipping through his notebook, which didn’t really have anything but drawings in them.

“Not really, is there anyone for you? I mean influencer is kind of vague isn’t it? We could pick like an athlete too, or a musician. Those are technically influencers right?”

He nodded, resting his chin on his hand. “Yeah. Influencers don’t even have to be famous do they? Like they can just be someone in your life that made a huge impact on you. Like your parents or something.”

“Yeah, I guess. But that’s kind of hard when you’re working in groups. Like you’re not gonna want to talk about my grandma, you know. Like you don’t even know her. It’s probably just easier to use a famous icon.”

“Okay, so who?” He leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling like it would give him inspiration. 

“Hmmm... maybe we could do someone like Michael Jackson. Like he may not have affected us personally, but he affected the way that the music and performance was seen afterwards. That’s influential and life changing right?”

“I guess.” He cocked his head, “We could at least start with brainstorming ideas for him and then if we feel like it’s not working we can change it.”

“Cool. I guess we can start with that then.”

And you did. You spent every afternoon for the next week and half with each other in the library, and a little more outside of it.

“That one’s the big dipper.” 

You grinned following his finger, but had more difficulty finding exactly what he saw. 

“How do you know it’s not the little dipper?” You teased, squinting in to the dark, the scattered stars really just looking like paint splatters to you.

“Because that’s the little dipper.” He laughed, moving his index finger slightly to the right.

“Oh.” 

Johnny leaned back into your space, smiling at you look of concentration quickly falling as you gave up.

“Where’s the North Star?” You asked turning to face him, but sucking in a harsh breath when you found your nose just centimeters from his. 

Johnny lowered his voice, whispering and pointing without even turning away, “Right there, it’s the tail of the little dipper.”

It took more effort than you thought to pull away, eyes searching for it.

He leaned back, resting his body weight on his hands. “See it? It’s the brightest one.”

“No,” You pouted scooting forward, as if that would help you see it. “Oh, wait! I see it!”

Johnny couldn’t stop himself from grinning as he saw your face light up.

“Wow.” Suddenly your tone turned more mellow, still in awe. “I’ve always wanted to find the North Star.”

Johnny’s chest rumbled with laughter. “Why?”

“Well you know. They say if you get lost, just follow the North Star home.” You turned to face him, eyes sparkling with excitement, but the sound of your voice had gone quiet, almost somber. The smile on your face faded into a sad smile as you all but whispered your next words. “Now I can go home.”

Johnny frowned next to you, not liking the sudden turn in mood. He sat up, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you against his chest.

“What makes you think that you’re not home right now?” He mumbled on the top of your head, staring straight out in the dark.

“I don’t know. I can just feel it, you know? Like I’m just constantly uneasy.” You sighed, digging your face into his jacket. “I think I’ll be able to tell when I get there.”

There was something in Johnny’s chest that suddenly ached, and he felt a sharp drop in his stomach at the thought.

“Maybe you’ll only ever know once you’ve left home.” He muttered, “Then you’ll know that this is actually what it feels like, and it’s so much worse when you leave.”

You stilled against him for a moment before relaxing, mulling over the thought. “That’s so sad though. Why do we only know we’re happy once we’re sad?”

Johnny shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. Why does God make us hurt to only to help us heal?”

The sound of the wind passing through trees was the only thing that comforted you at the thought.

“I don’t want to have to heal, I don’t want to hurt in the first place.” You whisper out, feeling the most vulnerable you had in a long time.

“I’ll never hurt you.” He rubbed at your arms soothingly, feeling a lump in the back of his throat, but he pushed it away not liking the unfamiliar feeling.

“Promise?”

“Of course.”

You let your eyes fall, enjoying just the silence and comfort of each other’s arms and minds.

You woke up wrapped in Johnny’s arms, although it was an unfamiliar feeling you welcomed it with open arms. 

Lost in your thoughts for the time being you were suddenly reminded of the conversation you had a couple nights ago. 

Was this home?

You had never felt so safe before and it scared you. But you weren’t one to run.

“Good morning.” Johnny mumbled out beside you, his morning voice raspy to the ear.

“Morning.” You whispered back, letting his arm flop over your waist.

“Do you like pancakes?” He asked, letting his eyes fall close again.

“Pancakes?” 

“Yeah. Taeyong makes some bomb ass pancakes.” 

You giggled, “Yeah, I like pancakes. Especially bomb ass pancakes.”

But he didn’t move and it was only after you tapped him questioningly did he speak up. “Do you think he’ll bring them up if I yell loud enough?”

You smacked his chest. “Stop it. We should go down.”

“In a bit.” He answered, nose buried deep in the crevice of your neck.

A few minutes later you heard the clinking of kitchen tools from downstairs and you stirred. “Johnny?”

“Hmmm...”

“Johnny. Let’s go.”

“Five more minutes.” He mumbled, but he let you out of his grasp anyways.  

“Fine. I’ll meet you downstairs.” You paused as you passed by the mirror, eyes tracing over the marks on your neck that Johnny had left the night before. You blushed, realizing that you didn’t have anything to cover it up with, but quickly moved on, attempting to find your shorts that were discarded in the frenzy of last night.

“Check under the desk.” Johnny said, sitting up and watching you.

Sure enough that’s where they were, although you weren’t really sure how they managed to get there. 

You shrugged on the last of your clothes, turning to find Johnny doing the same. It took him less than three steps to get to you, landing a soft kiss on the top of your head. 

“Let’s go.”

Taeyong was undoubtedly the closest of Johnny’s frat brothers to you. He had this really calming and sweet aura about him that just made you want to be friends. 

“Good morning Y/N. Blueberry or chocolate?” He asked grinning as he took his eyes off the pan for a second. 

“Blueberry please.” You slid onto the bar across from him. “Do you need any help?”

Johnny rubbed your lower back comfortingly, “No, you don’t want to get in his way. That’s when he loses his temper.” He whispered the last bit to you, but Taeyong obviously heard it, sending a sharp glare at him.

“Only when there are incompetent people in my kitchen.” Taeyong muttered back.

Johnny ignored the comment, shaking his head at you, “I’ll have chocolate.”

“You’ll get what you get.” Taeyong piped at him, still not over Johnny’s teasing, who grinned in response. 

Both of them knew that Johnny was getting chocolate, Taeyong was really bad at being mean.

“Where’s the others?” Johnny asked, sipping on a cup of coffee.

“At school, as they should be because they are college students.” Taeyong answered, sliding a plate towards you. “Enjoy.”

You thanked him and bit into a piece, almost moaning at the taste. “Damn, Johnny told me they were good but I didn’t think it would be this good.”

Johnny swiped a piece from your plate. “What are you talking about? I told you he made bomb ass pancakes.” 

Taeyong slid a plate towards Johnny.

His grin widened. “Thank you. You’re my favorite Taeyong ever.”

“I’m the only Taeyong you know.” He put his hands on his hips. “I should be the favorite.”

Johnny sent a wink in his direction before stabbing a piece. 

“So I was thinking, that little bakery next to the park, do you wanna go? They just opened and I’ve been dying to try it.” Johnny asked around a mouthful of pancake.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good.” You felt your stomach flutter, you were sure whether it was the pancakes or Johnny, but you had a pretty good guess. 

“Sweet, we can swing by your place first if you want to get a change of clothes or something.” 

You nodded, “Yeah, sounds good.”

“I’m glad that sounds good.” He teased you with a smile.

“Sorry, but it just sounds good. What else do you want me to say?” You pushed back, opting to add another piece into your mouth.

“I don’t know, maybe-”

“Okay, sorry to interrupt your little flirt fest, but can you start that after I leave?” Taeyong asked, making a few pancakes for himself.

“Sorry.” You giggled, sending him a genuine apologetic look.

“I’m not sorry.” Johnny said, shrugging.

You smacked him lightly.

“I’ll take away pancake privileges for a month.” Taeyong quipped, focusing on flipping the pancake.

“Sorry.” Johnny mumbled out under his breath, not one to admit defeat easily.

You laughed at the sight of a pouty Johnny, enjoying the view for the time being.

Waiting for Johnny had become a routine, but honestly you didn’t really mind it. Hanging out on the couch, you had met and befriended quite a few of his frat brothers. 

Currently you were sprawled out on the couch with Jungwoo, who was retelling a very interesting story about his trip to the grocery store last week that involved a cereal box and a banana. Although it was a bit of a reach, you nodded and smiled at the right times, not really following the order of events, or really the importance of them.

“What does the fact that you were wearing- and I quote - ‘an incredibly sick pair of joggers’ have anything to do with your story?” You asked, tilting your head in teasing confusion.

“Oh, it doesn’t. I just thought you should know.” He replied matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Right. And I’m so better off now that I know.” You taunted him, voice dripping in sarcasm.

Jungwoo shot you an annoyed, and yet hurt look, before finishing his story. “And that’s how Johnny found out he was allergic to shellfish.”

“Okay. What the fuck? I’m literally so confused.” You cut him off before he could recount his story again. “I don’t really need to hear it again though. Thanks.”

He whined before laying his legs over yours, giving up.

For a few moments, things were quiet as you checked the time. It had already been thirty minutes, where was he?

You rolled your head to the side, finally focusing on the whiteboard that had what scribbles of writing over it. 

“What’s the tally for?” You asked, scrunching your nose at the whiteboard that was situated on the far wall of the room.

“Hmmm? The tally?” Jungwoo glanced around looking slightly nervous which had you even more curious. “It’s just a game.”

“Game? What game?” You laughed turning back to see the strikes adorning the board. “It looks like Johnny’s winning.”

“Uhh...” Again with the nervous glances.

You giggled, “You’re losing, aren’t you?” The spot under his name had the fewest tallies and you figured that’s why he was being so shy about it.

Jaehyun entered the room, seemingly in a very important conversation by the way that he was speaking animatedly.

“The game’s over on Friday and Johnny’s gonna win.” 

“That’s so stupid. He hasn’t bagged any since Y/N, how is he still gonna win?” Yuta complained all but scowling at the floor, neither of them had yet to notice your presence.

You frowned at the mention of your name, not liking the term ‘bagging’ to be in such close proximity with your name.

“Oh, Mark has a new strike, looks like he finally got Claire into bed.” Yuta continued snorting, “Took him long enough.”

“Wait, what the fuck? How the hell did Taeyong get two strikes?” Jaehyun, squinted at the board.

Yuta snorted, “He had a threesome last night. Can you believe it? This close to the end? It’s like he’s actually trying to compete now.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You muttered, effectively catching their attention.

“Y/N.” Jaehyun breathed out, eyes wide and darting between you and Jungwoo who was obviously trying to get them to stop talking. “Hey... what’s up? When did you get here?”

“Ummm.... no. What the fuck is going on?”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun cocked his head, doing his best to pretend like he wasn’t panicking.

“No, I don’t want your bullshit. Just tell me what this game is.” You were using anger to hide your fear. You could feel the pounding of your heart in your head, a throbbing sensation that gave way to a sinking feeling of realization. 

At that moment, when his eyes finally met yours. Not Jaehyun’s, not Yuta’s, but Johnny’s as he walked in the room with that fucking stupid smile you felt your last will got out the window. It was at that moment that everything came crashing down. 

“Y/N, please can’t we just talk?” Johnny chased after you, begging you to turn around.

“You promised.”

Johnny’s heart dropped at your words, and his chest started closing in in fear. The burning feeling in his throat had him choking, panicking in belated realization.

It wasn’t just the words that you said, it was the way that you said it. So defeated, so broken. So betrayed.

“You promised that you wouldn’t hurt me. Do you remember that? Did you even mean that?” You felt the tears brimming, and you fought the best you could to keep them down. But your wobbling voice let him know.

“Of course I meant it.” He answered breathlessly. “You know me, I don’t say things that I don’t mean.”

“Do I? Do I know you?” You huffed out. “Because I really thought you were someone different.”

“No, I- I’m still me. I’m still Johnny. I just...”

“You just what? You just lied about our entire relationship? If it was even that, because I was just another tally to you wasn’t I? Just another tally on a stupid whiteboard for a stupid game.” 

You choked back the tears that were burning in your throat, not bothering to wipe at the ones that managed to escape.

“You know what hurts the most? I actually thought you liked me. I actually thought that you meant all those things that you said to me.”

“I did mean it. I meant every single word, and I still do. Nothing was a lie, my feelings were real. Please just listen to me, I can explain.” He stepped closer, but you took a step back, keeping the distance.

“Explain what? I already heard everything for myself. What are you gonna say, that Jaehyun and Yuta were lying? Hmmm? That it wasn’t a game? That that’s not the reason that you approached me?”

“I...” He couldn’t find any words, because you were right. Every single word that you said was right. He struggled to catch his breath, panicking. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.”

“I love you. I need you. I can’t- I can’t imagine life without you.”

“That’s not enough.” You clenched your jaw, face going slack. It was as if you were losing the will to even be heartbroken over this.

“Please, I-I’ll do anything, what do you want me to do?” He begged, eye brows nearly touching as they furrowed.

“I don’t want anything from you, just stay away from me.” You mumbled out, avoiding his eyes.

“Baby, please.”

“Don’t fucking call me that, I’m not yours, I never was.” You snapped at him, backing away.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled under his breath and he wasn’t sure if it was meant for you or himself.

“So I’m kinda going rogue here. I know you already hate me, but try not to hate me anymore than you already do.”

Johnny didn’t look anywhere except for you.

The professor seemed to humor him, allowing one of his favorite students to continue with an amused smile on his face.

You on the other hand did not. 

You stared at Johnny with a straight face, trying your best to not look flustered.

“The whole point of this assignment was to find someone that changed our lives. But my partner and I struggled to find someone. It’s not that we didn’t have great people around us, its not even that we don’t have people that we admired. It was because no one we came up with really seemed genuine to us. But I found someone. I finally found someone that I could trust, that I let in. But I did something really stupid and fucked it up- excuse my language.”

You watched him stand behind the podium, looking smaller than he ever did.

“You know, before I met you I didn’t think that my life needed changing. I thought I was doing just fine. But then I realized that I wasn’t. I was struggling to even feel normal, to feel like I was living for something. Y/N you helped me find home. Remember when I said that you only understand that you were already home until you lose it? Well I feel it now. And it feels like shit.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, a feeling in the back of your throat burning.

“Y/N. You’re the person who changed my life. And I don’t even deserve that. But I’m here, standing in front of you like a fool because I’m whining about losing the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

For a moment you thought he was done, because the silence was deafening.

“Even if you sill hate me after this, I want you to know that you mean more to me than anything else. You are the person that changed my life. You are my person, and I want so badly to be yours.”

There was a beat of silence as he ended abruptly, taking a seat on the other side of the room, eyes still locked on you.

Your professor stood up with a clap. “Well, thank you Johnny for that... interesting presentation.” A wide smile was still on his face despite his word choice. “I guess we should end on that then. Second batch of presentations is on Friday, please be prepared.”

The students of your class stood, shuffling out the exit, voices murmuring to each other. 

You sat on the bench outside your lecture hall, watching as Johnny made his way nervously to you.

“You’re an idiot.” You told him as he approached you, bottom lip wobbling against your will. Eventually you broke. “But you’re my idiot.”

Johnny felt a drop of relief in his stomach as he felt like his heart would burst.

“You’ve totally botched our presentation by the way. If we fail it it’s on you.” You shoved him away teasingly.

Johnny grinned, throwing his arm over your shoulder. 

“Yeah? Well, I think we did better than you think. I think that things are gonna turn out just fine.”

(sorry, i was supposed to write a full angst, but i couldn’t help myself.)

© Copyright 2021. hyuckssunchip. All rights reserved.

[fangirl-writes]

Pop Culture

Benny Weir x Reader

Request:  hey i hope ur doing well! would u be able to do a benny x fem!reader where she’s really popular and has a crush on him and isn’t shy about it. benny likes her a lot too but he’s scared that she’ll just end up leaving him for another popular kid. so she makes multiple public declarations as well as takes him on a string of extravagant dates to show him how much she truly likes him.

Warning(s): none. A lot of star wars references. Like. A LOT.

Notes: I am doing fine thank you! Sorry for taking so long with this one. This was cute. I got a little side tracked from the main request and just went all in with the star wars theme, I’m so sorry.

Y/N L/N was one of the most popular girls in school. That was undoubtable. She was a cheerleader, head of the prom committee, former homecoming queen, and her parents were one of the richest people in town.

But the fact that she had the biggest crush on Benny Weir, resident star wars lover, science wiz, and all around huge geek? Unbelievable.

Extremely unbelievable in Benny’s opinion, even if she had grown up in the house across the street from him.

And Y/N wasn’t shy about her crush on him. In fact, she was very unsubtle about it.

She left him hoards of candy in his locker, hung a bouquet of roses for valentine’s day, and stood on a cafeteria table to wish him the grandest of happy birthdays. 

“Benny!” She cooed as she walked down the hallway with some of her other friends, who were currently rolling their eyes so far into the back of their heads that the nerd squad thought they might get stuck.

“Oh, no,” Benny said, a blush spreading across his cheeks as she approached him, Ethan, and Rory, leaving her posse behind.

“Benny, I rented out the entire movie theater for a star wars marathon this weekend, if you’re free?” She asked.

Benny could barely concentrate on what she said because of how close she was. He could smell her sugary perfume and see the school fluorescents shining in her pretty (e/c) eyes.

He stumbled over his words for a minute before spitting out, “Can’t! Already got plans with Ethan, can’t back out, been planning it for months, years, a whole decade. Can’t miss it.”

“We have?”

Benny elbowed Ethan in the ribs.

“Oh. Right, those plans. Yeah.”

You frowned, looking disappointed. “Oh. Okay.”

Your smile returned for a minute. “Can we reschedule then? Is tonight good for you?”

“Ah, well, you know what-”

The screech of the school bell interrupted him and he looked relieved.

“Well, look at that, saved by the bell! Sorry, Y/N, gotta get to class.” He took off down the hallway. It was the fastest Ethan had ever seen Benny run.

You turned to Ethan, looking more devastated than ever. “He hates me, doesn’t he?”

“Who? Benny?” he replied. “No. No, he doesn’t hate you.”

“Then why does he keep giving me excuses? The old Benny would straight up turn me down...” You said, crossing your arms and staring at the floor.

Ethan put a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, Benny absolutely doesn’t hate you. He’s just...nervous, I guess.”

“Nervous?” You echoed. “About what?”

“Well, you’re really popular and he’s...well, he’s Benny. He’s just afraid that you’re gonna leave him for someone like David Stachowski.”

You pulled a face. “Hairy Dave? No thanks. He’s dog.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Ethan muttered.

“And you guys know I’m the same Y/N, right? Just because I run with a more popular crowd doesn’t mean I stopped liking nerdy things and stopped thinking about my nerdy friends.”

Ethan laughed. “It’s just a big change from how it used to be. You don’t have braces and a star wars backpack anymore.”

You returned the laugh, remembering how you used to be. “Well, I’ll just have to prove it to him. Will you help me?”

Ethan’s face contorted. “Ah, I don’t know...”

“Come on! Help me, Ethan Skywalker! You’re my only hope!”

Ethan sighed. You got him.

“Fine.”

“Yes!” You wrapped him in a hug. “Now let’s get to class!”

***

“Is everything ready?” You asked Ethan over the phone.

“Yeah, good on your end?” He replied.

“Yep. Movie theater is set. All up to you now.”

“On it.” He said before hanging up and shoving the phone in his pocket. He took a deep breath before bursting into Benny’s house and running up the stairs frantically.

“Benny!” Ethan shouted slamming his bedroom door open.

Benny let out a high pitched scream, falling from his desk chair onto the floor.

“They’ve got Y/N!”

“What?!” Benny bolted upright. “Who’s got Y/N?”

“A couple vampires out for revenge. They must have seen us talking at school the other day. They’ve got her trapped at the movie theater-”

“What are we waiting for?” Benny said, bolting out the door passed Ethan. “Let’s go! Grandma I’m taking the car!”

Ethan waved to Benny’s grandmother as he ran passed her, following Benny out the door.

He hoped this worked.

***

Benny parked the car and was about to run into the theater, guns blazing, but Ethan caught his elbow.

“Wait, wait, we can’t just burst in there! Look!” He said, pointing to the sign that read ‘Star Wars Original Trilogy Marathon - Tonight Only!’ People stood in a line out of the theater, dressed to impress in various Star Wars get ups.

Benny cursed. “Of course, the one time we need to get in there quickly they’re having a special screening.”

“We can use the side door,” Ethan said. “And here” - he handed Benny a storm trooper helmet - “we’ve gotta blend in or they’ll see us coming.”

Benny groaned. “They could be sucking her dry right now!”

“They want us, not her. And Y/N is not helpless. And I’ve got Erica and Sarah already in there scoping the place.”

“You called them before me!”

“They’re vampires!”

Benny just grumbled and put the helmet on, crossing his arms.

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Put on the costume and let’s go.”

***

Ethan and Benny snuck through the side door, dressed fully in storm trooper get up.

“This sucks, E. I can’t see a thing in this helmet.”

“What do you want from me, B?” Ethan retorted.

He suddenly let out a gasp and turned to Ethan. “Oh my god, E. This is a New Hope. I’m Han, you’re Luke, and Y/N is Leia. Yes! This is like my perfect dream.”

Ethan groaned. “I wish I could argue with you.”

“Ethan, Benny!”

The two turned to see Sarah and Erica running their way.

“What’re you guys doing here?” Ethan asked.

“What?” Benny turned to Ethan. “You called them, right?”

“Uh-”

“There’s a bunch of vampires here. Some of Jesse’s old friends that want revenge for his death.” Sarah explained.

“They’ve got the whole place on lockdown. They’re planning on locking all the star wars nerds in here and feasting.” Erica said.

“Oh my god, this is exactly like Star Wars!” Benny gushed.

“Yeah, okay, Han Solo, chill.” Ethan said. “But that does give me an idea. Where are they hiding?”

***

Erica scowled as Ethan and Benny led them up the stairs like prisoners. “I never agreed to being Chewbacca.”

“Shh. No choice.” Ethan retorted before pushing open the door to the control room.

There were three vampires sitting in there, they were staring out the small window, watching the movie before turning to the now open door.

“Who are you? And what have you here?” One of them sneered.

“We’re with you. Had to dress up to blend in. Caught these two trying to pull the fire alarm. Thought you might want to deal with them.”

Erica hissed at them and the leader, grabbed her by the chin. “Such a pretty face. Shame we’ll have to kill you.”

Erica kneed him in the crotch, making him groan.

“Look out! They’re loose!” Benny quoted, letting go of Sarah’s arms so that she could assist in beating the crap out of the three of them.

It was a good thing that Star Wars was a rather loud movie or the crowd might have been alarmed by all of the noise.

“All right, you scum,” Benny said, grabbing one that was barely conscious. “Where’s Y/N?”

“Benny-”

“Tell me!”

“Benny!”

“What?” Benny yelled at Ethan.

“They don’t have her. This was supposed to be a surprise for you. We were gonna find her in one of the empty rooms in the theater and then she was gonna take you to an empty theater and you two were gonna watch the marathon together. But now she’s alone in a room with a bunch of vampires around.”

“What?” Benny shouted. “For the love of- You go and get her, we’ll hold them here.”

“You mean we” - Erica gestured between her and Sarah - “will hold them.”

“Yeah, whatever, just go her!”

Benny pulled off the helmet and sighed.

“She really likes you, you know.” Sarah said.

“Come on,” Benny said with a bitter laugh. “Maybe right now, but once she gets me she’ll be off to the next guy in a week. That’s how they all are.”

“Not Y/N.” Erica replied. “She doesn’t get around. Never has. Her last boyfriend was a dick so if she’s pursuing you, she must really like you.”

Benny sighed. “Yeah, I know. I’m just scared. We kinda run in two different circles now, you know?”

“And you can’t overlap? According to what? The rules of high school? The world isn’t so black and white, Benny.” Sarah encouraged.

****

Ethan rushed down the hallway, looking on the door numbers for 2187 (a number you had modified for the surprise).

“Yes!” Ethan said, reaching the door. He quickly pulled it open to find you laying there on a table, decked out in an impressive Princess Leia costume. It looked like you’d fallen asleep.

“Y/N!” He called and you sat up.

“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” You said cheekily. “Where’s Benny?”

Ethan rolled his eyes, pulling off his helmet. “No time!”

“Come on, say the line!”

“What? No, you don’t understand-”

“Ethan! Say the line!” You whined.

He sighed. “I’m Ethan Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you.”

You grinned broadly. “Thank you.”

“But seriously, I’m rescuing you. There are vampires here, and we need to get back to Benny, Sarah, and Erica.

“What?” You shouted, processing the information.

“Sarah and Erica are vampires. Good ones. But there are evil ones here that are planning on sucking the souls out of everyone in the theater and we’ve got to get them and you out of here.”

“What? Where’s Benny?”

“Come on!” Ethan encouraged and, just like the movie, you ran out first despite not knowing where you were going.

***

You met back up with Benny, Sarah, and Erica in the hallway, as they were backed against the wall with more vampires on the way.

“Where are they all coming from?” Sarah said, spraying a holy water gun and knocking one down.

“I don’t know but I know for sure we can’t get out that way.” Benny said.

“Looks like you cut off our only escape route. All the doors are that way!” You replied.

“Oh, I’m sorry, perhaps you'd like it back in your cell, Princess Leia!” Benny bit back at you sarcastically.

“Ethan, are the sprinklers still lined with holy water?”

“I don’t know. I never did anything to take it out.”

“Let’s give it a try!” Erica said, pulling out her lighter and holding it up to the sprinkler above her head, covering herself with her leather jacket and Sarah holding up an umbrella she had been using as a weapon.

The water almost immediately started spraying out, setting off the fire alarm and soaking the vampires attacking you, burning and hissing all the way down.

“What is your problem?” You hissed at Benny.

“Well, we wouldn’t be cornered if you hadn’t lured me here! And by using Ethan! I feel betrayed!”

“Oh, I’m sorry for trying to prove to you that I like you!”

“Ha! If you really liked me you wouldn’t have become so popular! Leaving your real friends to rot in geek town!”

“That wasn’t my fault! I did what I liked! You guys are the ones who thought I needed to change just because I did similar activities to the other rich kids!”

“Guys!” Ethan interrupted. “Not the time! We need a way out. Now.”

“Oh for the love of-” You rolled your eyes and opened up the trash cute. “Everybody in!”

“Ew. Do we have to go full star wars?” Sarah asked.

“Would you rather chance the holy water river?” You replied, pointing to the floor that was slowly filling up with more water.

“Good point. Let’s go!”

Sarah entered first, followed by Erica, then Ethan, then you, then Benny.

You all were spit out into the dumpster that was full of candy wrappers, old popcorn, and soda cups.

Erica toppled into Sarah and Ethan rammed into her. You managed to avoid their collision only to have Benny slam into you from behind.

You all groaned at the impact and rolled around for a minute, picking popcorn and sticky candy out of your hair and clothes.

“Oh, I’m gonna need a shower.” Ethan groaned.

“After this I think you all deserve a spa.” You said. “I’ll buy.”

“You better.”

“Well, that was not how I foresaw this night going,” You said, standing up with the others and pulling a candy wrapper out of your hair.

Benny stood up, picking garbage off his clothes, and let out a chuckle. “What? Did you think that I was gonna give in just because of your big gesture?”

You turned on him with fiery eyes. “Would you just get it through your thick skull? I like you, okay? I’m not gonna break up with you in a week, I’m not gonna cheat on you, I’m not gonna try to convert you to a jock. Benny I’ve liked you since third grade! I just got enough confidence to tell you and you keep avoiding me every chance you get! If you don’t like me would you just tell me? It would save me a lot of time and money!”

“Not that that would be a problem for you, rich girl!”

“Well, I’m sorry my parents are wealthy! I’m sorry you live with your grandmother and not in a mansion! We’re different but quit painting me as the villain in your pathetic hero story!”

You both were fuming at each other. Erica, Sarah, and Ethan were standing with wide eyes watching this go down.

“Well, maybe if you had just stuck with your real friends we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

“I did! You guys are the ones who treated me like I’d been converted to a cult!”

“Not much different!”

“What is your problem with popular people? You have some sort of nerd code that says you can’t get along with them? Weren’t you the one who was friends with David Stachowski?”

“That’s a different story! He chose us!”

“So did I!”

“No. You didn’t choose us, you chose to have sleepovers with the cheerleaders and go to country club parties and be homecoming queen!”

“I can have more than one group of friends, you know? But do you know who I had hoped would be there for me when I needed it? You guys. Ethan was. You’re the one who keeps running away from me!”

“Well, I’m sorry I think I’m not good enough for you!”

“You’ve always been good enough for me!”

“Well, then I guess I’m saying yes!”

“To what?”

“Everything. All of it. Every date you’ve asked me on, every invitation to a dance, every declaration of love. Yes. I love you. Yes.”

Tears were in your eyes now and you threw yourself into his arms, burying your face into his neck.

Benny hugged you back, as tightly as he could without hurting you.

“You smell like garbage,” you whispered.

He laughed. “So do you.”

Suddenly there was clapping from behind you.

You turned to see Erica slow-clapping. “Well, as much fun and as that rom-com moment was. Can we get out of the dumpster now?”

And you did.

It was safe to say your Leia dress was probably ruined, but you would probably keep it anyway.

Benny held your hand all the way to the car.

You hoped this was the start of something wonderful.

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- chapter twenty-eight

Hi babes! I forgot to say this last chapter, but I made a playlist for this story! Here’s the link xx. You’re welcome to snoop around my Spotify! I make tons of playlists haha (Here’s the link to the “pov: you’re falling in love with aaron hotchner” one <3)

Chapter title is from “Let’s Get Married” by Bleachers!

Warnings: lots of ~suggestive~ comments (no smut), angst if you squint (i think), loads of fluff

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Twenty-Eight: I know it’s hard enough to love me

Aaron doesn’t get done at the BAU until seven. Much later than he wanted, but he had work that he couldn’t abandon. The case still wasn’t closed yet – all the paperwork is done now, but it normally doesn’t take him this long.

He shouldn’t overanalyze his every move, but he can’t help it. He knows he’s walking a thin line, dating a member of his team. A fellow agent, a much younger fellow agent, when he’s a divorced father who doesn’t even have custody of his own son, only visitation.

It’s tearing him apart. But the one thing that puts him back together, is seeing you.

So, that’s what he does.

He didn’t like leaving you this morning. He didn’t want to. But he didn’t expect the psych eval to upset you as much as it did. He truly was only trying to give you a heads up – even though that’s against his rules, too.

He’s breaking all his rules for you. Every last one of them.

And yet, you don’t care.

You open your apartment door to him, and you throw yourself in his arms like you’ve waited all day for him.

“I’m sorry I’m so late,” he says, kicking your door closed with his foot. His arms are around your waist and yours are around his neck, so he’s lifting you off the ground just enough to carry you over to the couch. He’s careful when he shifts your weight as he sits down, so he can swing your legs around gently so you’re sitting in his lap, your arms never having to leave their place around his neck.

“It’s okay,” you say, your voice muffled due to the fact that you’re hiding your face in his neck. “I’m sorry I was so grumpy this morning.”

Aaron sighs, rubbing your back. “You’re forgiven, I promise.”

You lift your head a little to press a kiss to his cheek, your apology in two parts. “My mom and I talked about it.”

“What did she have to say about it?”

You smile softly. “That you look at me the way my grandpa looked at my grandma.”

Aaron hums, curious.

You continue. “She said you looked like you’d bring the moon down to Earth if I asked you.”

He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your lips. “I would.” Another kiss. “I’d need some help.” Another kiss. “But just say the word.”

Another kiss and you’re giggling. “I don’t need the moon, Aaron.”

“No?” He raises an eyebrow. “Or are you too afraid to ask?”

You shake your head. “I’m not.”

He tilts his head, giving you another look. “Little girl…”

“No,” you stop him, pulling him closer, staring into the glass of whiskey that is his eyes. “I don’t need the moon…because I have you.” You pause, watching his eyes, seeing his reaction. “And that’s enough,” you whisper. “I don’t know how to let you love me, but I’m gonna try.”

“Y/N…”

“Mom told me you just love me too much. You’re not trying to upset me, you’re just…trying to make sure I’m okay and that I can do this without killing myself, I guess.”

“She’s right,” he adds softly.

“I know she is,” you chuckle. “She’s right a lot more than I want her to be, but point is, I’m not mad at you. Thank you for the warning about the psych eval. I know you weren’t trying to be a dick by doing it.” He’s not out to get you. You know that now, or you’re trying to.

“Thank you for saying all this,” he says quietly, the one hand that isn’t holding your back coming up to brush your cheek. “I owe you an apology, too. I didn’t do a good job of explaining earlier and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you right before I had to leave. That wasn’t fair.”

“It really wasn’t,” you laugh, “but thank you.”

He hums, sealing the resolve with another kiss. “Have you eaten dinner?”

You shake your head. “I was waiting for you.”

He sighs, smiling despite his better judgment. “I appreciate that, but it’s late. You didn’t need to wait for me.”

“Well, tough.” You lay your head on his shoulder, biting your cheeks to keep from smiling. You’re more than well aware that that little comment will poke Aaron’s buttons. His hand tightening around your waist is evidence of it.

“What do you want to eat, brat?”

Your breath hitches. Then, as if you want to make it worse, you say, “Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

Aaron sighs again, this time tired and ragged, holding on by a thin thread. “Food, little girl. Food. My cock isn’t food.”

“Well…”

“Y/N.”

“Fine, fine. I don’t know, pizza? Pizza is a safe bet.”

“Pizza it is then,” he says, pulling his phone out of his pocket. While he’s looking up the number of the pizza place, he says nonchalantly, “You know I’m not fucking you until you’re fully recovered. I won’t say it a third time.”

You want to argue because technically sucking him off isn’t him fucking you, but you decide not to. Right now.

Later, you will. He’ll cave eventually. You’re sure of it.

+++

Aaron curves your every attempt to steer things in a more sensual direction. You don’t mind it really, you like teasing him like this – even if you know it’ll come back to bite you in the ass when he decides to punish you for it all. But he insists on not fucking you.

You know you were just shot, but you wish he’d just slam you into the wall already.

Unfortunately, your injured leg doesn’t coordinate with your desire because rough sex – or any sex – is off the table now.

You weren’t going to take any pain medicine for it because it wasn’t hurting that bad, but then it got worse, and you think it’s probably because you did laundry today when you definitely shouldn’t have. You’re not telling Aaron that, though. No way.

Still, he made you take some pain medicine, and now you’re settling into the first Harry Potter movie. He kept his word and you did, too. He needs to watch all of them.

You’re lying down now with your head in his lap – on a pillow, of course, because he doesn’t want you getting any ideas – as the familiar tune of the opening scene plays.

You doze in and out, falling asleep quickly because Aaron’s hands are massaging small circles into your head. You recall him throwing a blanket over you at some point, so you must’ve been shivering.

It’s not long before you’ve fallen asleep completely, waking only after the movie has ended and Aaron has you in his arms bridal style, carrying you to your bed.

“What time is it?” You mumble, turning to bury your face in his shirt, inhaling the familiar smell that is your man.

“Almost eleven,” he whispers back.

You hum, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Are you staying?”

“Of course,” he replies almost instantly. “I stuck a bag in here when we surprised you.”

“You did?” You ask, smiling stupidly. “Cheeky motherfucker.”

He laughs, catching himself and muffling the sound so it doesn’t rattle your eardrums as hard. “Just looking out for my little girl.”

You hum again, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. “Your little girl loves it. And you.”

“And I love her too,” he murmurs. “Can I put you down now?”

Your eyes pop open lazily, seeing you’re in your bedroom. “Have you just been holding me?”

He nods as he lowers you onto the bed. “I felt like holding you.”

You hold onto his neck, and he doesn’t seem to mind as he stays bent over you, his nose brushing against yours. In the dim light, you take him in, searching his brown eyes, trying to find some reasoning, some magic spell that made it possible for him to love you this much.

“You better stop,” you whisper, not knowing where this is going.

“Or what?” He asks, inching closer, his lips ghosting over yours.

“Or I’ll wanna marry you for real,” you mumble. You’re aware of what you’re saying, but the exhaustion from the pain medicine makes it hard to fully process your own words. All you know is you mean them, every syllable.

“I already want to marry you,” he replies quietly. He’s not sure if you’re even coherent right now. You look like you are, but it seems too good to be true.

And as if his thoughts are confirmed, your eyes slip closed, sleep taking over.

You probably won’t remember this in the morning.

But he hopes you will.

+++

When you wake up, Aaron is long gone.

There’s a note next to a glass of water on your nightstand. He’s left for work and is going to try to be back earlier this evening. You smile at the thought, knowing he’ll get caught up again, but you don’t mind. It comes with the job.

You would love to go to the office for lunch. Maybe surprise him this time? You wouldn’t need a ride, as long as you don’t take anymore pain medicine today. The affects from last night’s is already gone.

He might kill you for it, but you’re doing it anyway. You miss everyone.

So, on that note, you get up and eat a quick breakfast before throwing on the comfiest clothes you own. It’ll be weird going into the BAU in these clothes with your badge clipped to the edge of your sweatshirt instead of to a blazer.

And sure enough, it does.

Stepping off the elevator on the floor of the BAU feels more nerve-wracking than it should.

On one hand, you’re excited to be here again, to see the rest of the team and to surprise all of them. On the other hand, you know Aaron won’t be happy with you (at first) for coming here. And you have this strange pit in your stomach, but you’re not sure what that’s about.

You push the negative feelings away and try to stay positive, focusing on the reactions from the rest of the team. They’ll be happy to see you, no doubt. That’s what you should be focusing on.

You’ve barely rounded the corner when you run into Penelope.

She grins, shaking her head. “You’re not supposed to be here, you sneaky little weasel.”

“I know, I know,” you groan. “But I was going insane and I miss you guys! I had to come visit and surprise everyone for lunch.”

“I can order in your favorite,” Penelope winks. “Come, come. Let’s grab JJ.”

Penelope links her arm with yours and the two of you walk to JJ’s office. JJ is at her desk and not on the phone for once, but the stacks of case files are as tall as ever. She looks up when you knock on her doorframe, and her face breaks into a grin.

“Hey you!” She stands, ignoring the open file to give you a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to say hi,” you chuckle, squeezing her tight. “I’m going insane doing nothing.”

“It’s barely been two weeks,” JJ laughs. “What are you gonna do for the other two months?”

“Don’t even tell me that,” you groan. “I don’t know. I’ll just come bug you guys every day off the clock, I guess.”

“And if they’re gone, you can come camp out with me in my lair,” Penelope offers.

“Of course,” you nudge her arm. “I’ll probably hide out with you to avoid the wrath of Hotch.”

“He doesn’t know you’re here?” JJ asks. She grimaces when you nod. “Good luck with that one, sister.”

“Why do you think I want to walk in there with you guys? I’m not going into the lion’s den alone.”

“Oh, you’d be fine,” Penelope laughs. “We’re still having a girl’s night, right? We still need details and you are not getting out of it.”

“Yes, yes, we can, we’ll find time,” you promise.

After another moment of idle conversation, the three of you head up the hall to the bullpen. Through the glass doors, you can see Reid doing another magical science trick, and he must be practicing because Derek and Emily are working on some paperwork instead of watching him.

You decide to surprise Emily first since her desk is closest. Derek spots you, but doesn’t say a word, letting you sneak up behind Emily.

“Did you use my shampoo?” You ask right into her ear (don’t ask why, it’s the first thing that came to mind).

She spins around and jumps up, pulling you into a hug. Derek gives you a hug next, and Reid waves from his desk before going back to whatever experiment he’s in the middle of doing.

“Where’s Hotch?” You ask, glancing between everyone.

“Your man is in his office,” Derek snickers. “What? Did you not get enough lovin’ this morning?”

“Shut it, Morgan,” you try to smack his arm, but he dodges your swing with a laugh. “And since you asked so nicely, I’m never satisfied.”

Your shit-eating grin earns cheering from the girls, but Morgan groans loudly, shuddering.

“I did not need to know that, L/N. Seriously.”

You shrug. “Don’t ask then.”

Morgan shakes his head, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I’m glad to see you’re just as feisty as always.”

“That’ll never leave me,” you wrap an arm around his waist, accepting his hug. “Where’s Rossi?”

“He took today off,” Emily answers.

“Something about his publisher,” JJ shrugs.

“Another book?” You ask. “I thought he was done with that.”

“Maybe,” Morgan says. “And I thought you weren’t allowed back here for at least another month.”

“To work,” you clarify, poking his stomach. “I’m just here to bug you guys and have lunch. I’m enjoying my time off, thank you very much.”

“You’re bored, aren’t you?”

“Out of my fucking mind,” you admit with a laugh.

You’re too busy talking to Morgan to realize Hotch has walked out of his office and is standing on the balcony, arms crossed over his chest, and a near death glare settled on you.

“Uh oh,” Morgan mutters, sliding his arm off your shoulders.

Your arm slips from around his waist, your eyebrows furrowing. “What—Oh. Oops.”

“Y/N,” Hotch says firmly. “Can I speak to you in my office?”

“You’re gon’ get it now,” Morgan says under his breath.

But you hear the remark, so you punch him in his side. “Of course, sir,” you say to Hotch, adding another jab to Morgan’s ribs when you hear him snickering at you. You’re gonna get him back later. So bad.

Aaron turns and walks back into his office. He’s closing the blinds when you walk in.

“Shut the door,” he says sternly.

You do as you’re told (for once), shutting the door behind you. “Aaron, I can expl—”

You don’t get to finish your sentence because the wind is knocked out of you, and Aaron lips are smothering your own. He nips at your bottom lip, and you open up for him, moaning when his tongue doesn’t even fight for dominance, just takes. The kiss has you hot all over, thanks to his wandering hands that run under your sweatshirt, leaving goosebumps everywhere his fingertips touch.

When he pulls back, you’re breathless, your chest heaving, your eyes wide, lips bruised.

“Um,” you pause to take a deep breath, licking your buzzing lips. “I’m sorry?”

“We’ll talk about this later,” he says sternly. “You’re lucky they’re out there or I’d bend you over my desk.”

You swallow thickly. “You still can.”

He smirks, but shakes his head, his thumb stroking your cheek softly. “No. And if they ask, you can say we were discussing your psych eval.”

You deflate at its mention. You try not to show it, but Aaron sees it. “When is that, by the way?”

“The Friday after next,” he says quietly. “At noon.”

“Okay,” you murmur. “When are you supposed to formally tell me?”

He chuckles. “Today is fine. I can tell Strauss I called you in to discuss it and you decided to have lunch with the team – if she asks.”

“Are you okay with lying to her this much?”

“Believe it or not, I’ve lied to her more often than you think. Before you joined us.”

“I don’t believe it,” you smirk. “You’re always such a stickler for the rules.”

“And yet here I am,” he pauses, kissing you again, “in love with you.”

“Loving me is dangerous, huh?”

“You have no idea.”

Next chapter

[tmabutlesbian]

Random hcs about random tma characters that just vibe right with me:

- Sasha was either very into musical theater or she was in musical theater - Tim’s parents are average height but somehow he ended up getting all those them inches, conclusion: Danny short, Tim tall - Martin isn’t scared of any type of animal, he’s a straight up disney princess, he’ll hug a bear, he’ll cuddle a snake, he’ll pet a wolf, he doesn’t give a shit - I am a firm believer in switch Tim just as much as I am a firm believer that Sasha pegs - the only time Martin is deliberately intimidating is whenever he’s at a bar with friends and they happen to be women; am I saying he’s broken a guy’s hand for touching Sasha’s butt? Now that’s a secret I’ll never tell~ - before the buried Daisy had a mullet, no I don’t take criticism - Jon has never been on a roller coaster - (idk why this exists in my head but I can’t get it out) without either of them knowing it, Basira and Martin went to the same secondary school - Georgie and Jon used to dye the tips of their hair rainbow at pride month when they were dating, and it was always a pain to bleach Jon’s hair - the only thing Martin can play on any instrument is that spongebob song in the ukelele (idk what it’s called but I know it hbjcngjndjgjn) - Jon does the hair towel thing whenever he’s ~feeling himself~ - Melanie would never admit it ‘cause it would ruin her whole aesthetic and reputation but she does like dresses and skirts and flowery things but she’d be damned if anyone ever found out about it (she got damned when she willingly told Georgie about it, she wasn’t even drunk ffs) - Martin and Sasha  and you decide which is which my dude - I can’t tell you the logic behind my thought processes but if Agnes were alive rn she’d be a meme lord and if Gertrude were also alive and they were both dating she’d die of exasperation everyday ‘cause ‘wtf is a meme, Agnes dear’ - Gertrude was totally that grandma that would swear like a sailor but the second Gerry would even mutter one he’d get the longest of lectures, every single time - on that note, it was Tim that made Jon swear first time on the job back in the research days and their coworkers still can’t believe it happened - Sasha sucks ass when it comes to sewing and all that shit, she just pokes her fingers and cusses and gives up on it; Martin on the contrary had to learn how to do it from a young age and he’s used to tinkering his clothes to fit him better, so you can already guess what type of situation got them to become friends - Basira is fluent in french - Daisy usually finds the french language a bit annoying to her ears - Basira and Daisy’s first days as partners were filled with french and at least one black eye - speaking of their crime days, there was this one time that Basira’s hijab was falling off so Daisy’s first course of action was to get into a safe corner for a time out and shove Basira’s head under her shirt for coverage - Basira has had 2 sexual awakenings in her life - Rosie matches her shoes with her earrings everyday but no one knows that since her feet don’t show behind her desk - Martin has a huge ass back tattoo that he got in sixth form and it absolutely makes Jon shit himself ‘cause it has the shape of a giant tarantula (half of it is flowers though, it’s very pretty in my head lmao) - Martin used to hang out with the old witch ladies in his neighborhood; they called him their ‘baby witch’ and taught him tarot readings and crystals and all that - no one knows what do to with this information

(part 2) 

[ubemango]

delicacies of the season (m)

part 3: days apart

note: hey!! What’s up!! first, I officially have named this series!! it’s right up there for ur viewing glory! ok anyway here’s something before I disappear for the next four weeks because I am drowning in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also just a side thingie for this story: I’ve already established that oc isn’t on birth control but here I’m implying that they’re doing natural planning (i.e. fertility awareness where the person who menstruates keeps up with their cycle and thus only has sex when their cycles allows for it). PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS UNLESS YOU KNOW THE RISKS!!!!!!!! Oh Lord putting your impregnation chances up to God?! I couldn’t do it. But also this is fanfiction and nothing bad will happen to this couple so let’s all just... suspend disbelief for a second ok

PAIRING. taehyung/reader GENRE. romance, farmer au RATED. M WORD COUNT. 2.5k WARNINGS. kitchen sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk, a good ol’ creampie bc wot is the ubemango experience without one :/ SUMMARY. Taehyung missed you.

Auntie Gaeul comes over when the rooster crows to tell you to check out the passion fruits today. They’re ripe not because she’s seen them but because she just knows. Call it the Elder Instinct for Ripened Foods. You tell her you’ll give her half the harvest, and she swats at you before she leaves.

“Stop being so polite, I’m not that old,” she spits in jest. “And make some of that honey iced tea your grandma makes. If there’s extra, then I’ll have some.”

Taehyung would probably like some, too; he chugs down anything with passion fruit like he’s about to go into hibernation. And when you come back home from the fields with a basket-full perched heavy on your back, you resolve to make some tea right away to bring over to his house to see if he’s there. You haven’t seen him in five days—his cousin had the stomach flu, and his aunt needed the extra help with tending to the livestock. Being the eldest nephew (and the only one who can drive a motorcycle) had him obligated right from the get-go.

“Grandma! Can you show me where you put the honey jars, I can’t remember where they are. And can you help me peel these—um. You’re not Grandma,” you stop.

Taehyung looks up from where he’s perched on the stairs of your awning, flicking bits of strawberries to the ground for Danbi to eat. Your little puppy scrounges it up so fast she nearly falls over on her fluffy bum.

“I told her to go play bingo with the rest of the granny crew, someone’s betting chicken feet,” he says. You smile wide when he trods over to you for a short kiss, slipping the strap of the basket off your shoulder to put on his. The hand he keeps low on your back is as warm as the ten AM sun. “Hi. I missed you.”

“I was just gonna go see if you were home,” you say. He smells like the wind. Something you’d scrunch your nose at but he makes it work. “When d’you come back? How’s Daeshim now?”

“An hour ago. And he’s better. He ate up all your ice cream, only thing he could keep down.”

You frown. “Poor baby.”

“I know. You gonna clean these now?” He nods his head toward the water basin, carved rock he’d installed for you on your third anniversary.

“Yeah. Can you start? I’ll just wash up quick,” you offer. Suddenly you’re aware you’ve got an ugly shirt with oil stains and holes in random places—nothing Taehyung minds, but the occasion probably deserves better.

“Got it, boss,” Taehyung says. He slaps your ass before you run to the bathroom. A familiar signal of his intentions but he’s too polite to bring it up so quickly.

“Hey!”

“Hurry up,” he calls. As if you’re going to take another five days to get back to him but you get it. You missed him, too; a little more than you’d like to let on. Your grandma is great company but she watches her TV too loud and she hates when you’re not there to sit with her because she might need your help switching channels. It’s a miracle you didn’t jump Taehyung the second your eyes landed on him.

You change into whatever shirt you’ve tossed on the floor that looks semi-presentable. It’s too early for your sweat to reek like it does under the afternoon heat, but you spritz some perfume on your neck anyway. Just for upkeep, because you’d be lying if you said you weren’t anticipating sex, a sloppy makeout session at the least. Danbi’s too hyper to be left alone, plus your grandma likes making surprise visits at your house because she’s a forgetful woman.

By the time you’ve come back from scrubbing the dirt and dead ant bits caked under your nails, Taehyung’s a third of the way through the basket, tossing the clean passion fruit into a bucket Danbi is trying so hard to climb into. She yelps when her fat paws slip at the edges.

“Danbi! Mama’s gonna be mad if you get hurt. I’ll give you some later.”

“Go play with your toy,” you call out to her. “Danbi! Go!”

Her ears perk up at your command, and she pants and pants till she decides to go in the complete opposite direction of the ball and into the patch where all the potatoes are. She hasn’t hit her teething phase so you’re safe from her snuffing anything out with her mouth. It’s her fur you worry about. She’s such a nice shade of white amongst the semi-wet dirt, it almost hurts seeing her get soiled.

“Like a little cotton ball,” Taehyung says. He points to the bucket. “This good?”

You nod—it’s enough to have extra for Auntie Gaeul. “Yeah. Wanna carry it to the kitchen like a good man?”

“As if I’m not one already,” he snorts, grabbing the handle. “Danbi, come!”

This is how it always goes. Taehyung ogles from over your shoulder (usually he’s off to the side but he’s a lot clingier, not that you mind) while you do your business because you don’t trust him with a knife. Not since the time you’d tasked him with chopping garlic and he’d nearly sliced his palm open when he tried crushing them first.

And now you’ve got a new addition to the routine: Danbi sniffs around the dried leaves for the fire, sneezing when she breathes the ash in too hard. You hear her collar jiggle as she explores the earthenware stacked on the side. You made sure Taehyung left the door open because she gets antsy fast.

“Can I just say that I have a thing for seeing you use a knife,” Taehyung says, hands stroking your tummy because he’s got nothing better to do.

“You’re really bad at hiding how turned on you are.”

“Who said I was trying to hide?”

You laugh. “What are you trying to get at, mister?”

“I’m saying I missed you,” he says simply.

“So that’s why you kicked Grandma out the house,” you tease. Taehyung splutters in your ear.

“No! They really are betting chicken feet. What do you think I am?”

“Horny.”

“Ugh.”

You turn your focus back to the chopping board. Taehyung lets the sound of the knife smooth down the goop of the insides fill the space.

“...Are you mad if I am?” He whispers tentatively.

“Oh my god. It’s ten in the morning.”

“You think my dick cares?”

“You think I care?” you joke.

Taehyung gasps. Like his heart just shattered from your vitriol, but all you want is to finish cutting up these damn fruits before you’ll allow his hands to touch you. “Wow. You—? Okay, fine.”

“Wha—”

“I appreciate your hard work,” he coos. He wraps himself around you even tighter, traces a slow kiss on your neck. “Really. But don’t pretend you didn’t miss me too.”

“I never said I didn’t.”

“You’ve got a fucking mouth on you.”

And that gets you to shut up. Taehyung only swears when he wants you to stop talking. Not for the sake of real anger but to show you he’s got something brewing, and you’re here to take whatever it is he’s about to give you.

“I just wanted to be a good fiance and visit the one I love the most after five days because I missed them so much.”

His teeth catch the lobe of your ear. Biting down softly because he’s still aware you’ve got the knife in your hand, but you’ve lost all motor skills the second he started his little bit. You drop the handle slowly. At the last second you push all the shit you’ve laid out on the counter to the farthest corner. Something tells you this space is being defiled this morning.

“Good. Are you wet?”

“N-No.”

“Then we’ll have to do something about that, huh.”

You watch his hands glide up, and you’re half-expecting him to fondle you gently, the way he teases you when you think he’s taking it slow. But instead he goes right for the kill: using those long fingers to pinch right at your tits just to get you to gasp into the feeling. You roll your eyes shut, let your head fall back on his shoulder.

“You like that?”

“Mhm,” you whine.

“Take your shirt off for me.”

You’ve never exposed yourself to kitchen utensils and rice wine on the pantry shelves before but Taehyung makes you want it. He shows his appreciation for your compliance with another hard grope of his hands, this time with his mouth sucking on your neck too. Craving your skin like he’s been absolutely deprived. The calluses on his fingertips rub your nipples raw.

“You smell good,” he croons. “Come here.”

You nearly tip over from how fast he spins you around, but he catches you easy, tongue on yours in the next second. The desperate tug of his lips on yours, the smack of your spit when he pulls you in deeper, all the intricacies of needing someone else to save your own sanity—it culminates here, and now your ass is up on the cold of the counter, Taehyung pulling back from one last kiss to drag that same heat down your body.

“Please let me eat you out here, holy shit.” He tugs at your pants, slides your underwear down with it. Mouthing hungry at your mound because you haven’t answered him yet, so you just groan a quick please, yes and he doesn’t even look at you before he presses his tongue inside you.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, the guilt of ruining this space with your (embarrassingly) uncontrolled libido is raging. But you could care less with the way Taehyung swipes his tongue around your clit, gets you clawing at his hair for brief respite. You’ve most definitely exceeded wet boundaries. His chin practically shines.

And he knows it’s because of him. Not just from his mouth but the knowledge that he wants you trembling towards a heady orgasm, the kind that consumes you whole. His laving gets bolder with every stroke, every moan you try to keep stifled but it’s useless. “Taehyung. Oh my g-od, fuck—no d-don’t use your fingers, I’ll come.”

He laughs, adjusts your thighs so you’re not cramping. “Think you’ll tap out?”

“I wanna come on your dick,” you pants.

“Oh my god,” he groans. “You’re perfect. Oh my god. I’m so fucking hard. Can I come inside you?”

“Yes yes yes yes, just get inside me already.”

Taehyung’s foot gets caught on his pants when he shoves them off, nearly crashing face first into your pussy again. And he laughs and you snort and when he’s naked waist-down he kisses you again, a little slower this time, a breather for just a moment.

“I know it’s only been five days but I missed you. A lot.”

You trap his hips with locked ankles on his back. “I know.”

“It’s just—I had to shovel so much horse shit—”

“Oh don’t say that!” You bat at his chest.

Taehyung snickers. “Sorry. Ahh, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“You can stick your dick inside me and we can go from there,” you suggest.

“I like the way you think, missus.”

It’s almost laughable when he sinks right in. No resistance, just the slick of your arousal and his spit, an unholy mixture for this thick sacrilege. Taehyung’s eyes stay locked on the sight.

“Fuck yeah. Oh baby…”

If it’s got him uttering curses this early in the round then you’re definitely worse off. You’ve got one profanity for every inch he’s claimed inside you, all lined up behind your teeth but you don’t have the brain capacity to get them out. He fucks you straight to incoherence.

Your delirium keeps you mum. Taehyung will make up for it. He slots his hand up the back of your thighs, hits deeper when you arch through the pleasure. “Holy fuck that’s so good,” you whine. “Taehyung—oh god.”

He doesn’t say anything. Just pants hard with every moan you’ll give him, and you watch the sweat glow on his collarbone, the thick of his neck. Places you claim with your mouth when you lean forward because it’s too hard to keep balance without his gravity.

Taehyung breaks when you bite. “Sh-it. Oh fuck you’re so hot. ‘M not gonna last, shit.”

“You’ll fuck me when you come?” you plead, hold his gaze. He’s just as gone as you are. “You’ll fuck your cum inside me?”

“Yeah baby. I’ll give it to you. So fuckin’ good.”

He never lets up. Just keeps that steady fucking, stiff with every drive into your slick till he adjusts your knees with one push. Pussy open to the angle that gets you begging for his thumb on your clit because it’s right there. You fall back on your hands, no steady grip because Taehyung’s faltering too.

“Oh—!” You flutter your eyes shut to pending ecstasy. “Tae—please—harder—right there right there don’t stop!”

“You gonna come for me?”

It’s a rhetorical question. You know he sees the way your chest collapses, the rub of your clit in quick gestures for your high. He’s got you right in his hand.

“Fuck—ohhh yes!”

“Ugh,” he whines. It’s nearly lost to the ringing in your ears, the clench of your pussy from his pounding. You cream him so good when the orgasm’s strong enough, pulsing hot, the rough intensity. And that’s not lost on him when he cries: “God your pussy’s so wet. Holy shit.”

Usually you’re spent by the time your vision’s cleared to the sight of Taehyung fucking you through it. But he’s promised you something, and you’re greedy for it.

“Come inside me,” you urge, guiding a hand through his hair, pulling hard at his nape. He keeps his eyes on his dick priming you for those final strokes.

“I’ll fucking come,” he snaps. “You ready? I’ll come so good for you baby. Come so fucking—good—!”

He stiffens with a shout, grinds his teeth, lets his orgasm splash inside with so much heat you mewl. And he keeps minimal movement, thrust for soft thrust because it’s too much with the squeezing you tease him with.

“I.” Taehyung clears his throat, panting to a stop. “I… wow.”

Your ass is rubbed raw against the counter. But you’ll risk it again to see the glint in his eye when he pulls out and watches his cum drip down your hole, onto the floor for you to clean when your legs aren’t jelly.

“Wow,” you repeat.

“Do… Am I… Am I ovulating?” He looks genuinely confused. “I don’t… I’ve never been that horny before.”

You snort. “Five days felt like forever, huh.”

Taehyung kisses you slow. “If it means we get to fuck like that again then I’m going to the city for a month.”

“Hey!” You pinch his arm, using his bicep to stand up, tiptoeing around the mess on the floor. “God. Help me clean up here, please. And where’s the dog?”

(Danbi sleeps peacefully in the wicker basket, head lolled on one of the passion fruits. You make sure to bring her over to Auntie Gaeul’s for extra snacks.)

[blueunoia]

❤ ──── ·․ under watchful eyes

━━━   SYNOPSIS: the reader and arvin try to have some fun by the lake but find themselves under judgmental eyes. 

━━━  WARNINGS: semi-smut, dirty talk, heavy petting, fingering, oral (female receiving), public sex, Teagardin is a peeping tom, threats of violence, sexual harassment, harassment in general, and religious (Christianity) themes.

━━━  NOTES: No spoilers for the movie, fem reader. Arvin is by no means perfect, he is clearly traumatized from his childhood which causes anger issues at least and very mentally ill at worst. He did bad things in the movie and violence shouldn’t be used as an answer and I am not condoning his actions. I find the character interesting and I like so I wrote something but I am acknowledging his flaws. 

━━━  WORD COUNT: 2,410

━━━  PART(S): part two

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       Arvin’s hands felt hot on your skin as he gripped your waist. The moonlight was shining through the window as he looks at your perfect breast. It was cold and dark outside, but inside his car; it was warm with foggy windows and both of you out of your breath from how much little air you had gotten in between kisses. You sat on top of his lap straddling him as your hands comb through his hair “Arvin...” you breathe with a smile on your face “Are you just going to look?”

        He can’t help but smile at your teasing voice, his eyes coming up to meet yours “I’m sorry, doll, you just look so good,” he says. You giggle and bring your swollen lips to his. His hands glide down the sides of your hiked up skirt and one dip onto your inner thigh, he brushes his fingers against your damp panties making you moan into his mouth. He pulls back a teasing smirk on his lips “Your so wet babydoll, you need me to touch you? All you gotta do is ask.”

        You brush your lips against his “Please baby, touch me? I need you...” almost immediately he flips you over onto your back and you squeal. Arvin lets out a laugh too as he breathlessly lay on top of you, his lips kiss your neck and he slides your skirt off of your legs playfully tossing it out the one cracked window. 

        You and Arvin don’t notice the sleek, grey car outside and the pastor watching you from afar. 

        “Hey!” you say shoving him slightly “That better not be dirty,” you pout. Arvin shakes his head and kisses down your neck to your stomach, it’s awkward but all he’s focused on is getting a taste of your delicious pussy. 

        He looks up at you when he presses a finger on your clit, the pressure making you moan “You were sayin’?” you glare, but it comes dull as your eyes beg for him to touch you more. Arvin pulls you down slightly so his mouth can better reach your cunt, and he delves his tongue into your folds. Your hands find his hair again pulling at the strand as he licks at you tasting your juices. Arvin has your legs over his shoulders and your feet press against the ceiling as your back arches at the pleasure. 

        Arvin removes one of his hands off of your hip, holding you up with his one, bringing the hand to your cunt and sliding in a finger. “Oh!” you moan making Arvin chuckle the vibrations hit your clitoris as he moves his lips to suck on your bud. He sucks and kisses your clit as he pumps his finger in and out, sliding another one inside of you. Arvin curls them up to reach that spot and you whine his name. You can feel the knot tightening inside of you as Arvin doesn’t relent, but it’s all ruined when a loud bang outside the car door makes both of you jump. Before you can turn your head to see what it is Arvin throws his jacket that was lying on the car floor over you. 

        “What the fuck?” he curses and glares out to the window. Finally seeing who it was, you cover yourself even more than your eyes, Reverend Teagardin. Arvin opens the door tossing you your blouse as he does “What the hell gives you the right to come to peek on us?” you can practically hear him stopping towards the reverend. 

        “Don’t swear at me boy!” he says angrily “I wasn’t peeking! The two of you did your sinful act out here, and I have to put a stop to it. The lord does not approve of this. Imagine what your parents would say, your grandmother would roll over in embarrassment,” the words came out like venom of the reverend's mouth, his eyes kept going back to you that frantically tried to remember where your skirt was. Bending down and picking it up “You looking for this girl?” he holds up your skirt as you nod hesitantly “You ought to be ashamed. Out here in public not only for the lord’s eyes to see but everyone else. Your mother raised you better than this-”

        “Don’t you try to sermon her!” Arvin growled “Your the adult man here terrorizing-”

        “Terrorizing? You listen here, boy...” their arguing faded out as you grabbed your skirt and hastily put it on. You could feel tears threatening to spill out at the humiliations as the thoughts in your head stirred until they were interrupted when you saw Arvin shove Reverend Teagardin. 

        “Don’t fucking say that about her! I’ll knock you on your ass I don’t care if you are a pastor.” 

        Quickly climbing out of the car, you ran around and grabbed Arvin's arm before he challenged the reverend, who was quickly coming back to fight back. “Arvin, let’s just go,” you begged.

        “Y/N get in the car,” he growled “I ain’t going to let this phony talk about you like your some kind of who-”

        “Please,”  you whispered, “I just want to go,” your voice trembled and Arvin turned to look at you. The anger in his face immediately fell when he saw your upset face. With a nod, he gently grabbed your arm to bring you back to the car and opening the door for you. Ignoring the threats coming from the reverend, Arvin got in the car and sped away. One of his hand sat on the skin of your leg starting off stroking your skin as to soothe you but as you calmed, his anger came back and he gripped you harshly. 

        Looking at him you could see his jaw was clutched completely, his lips pursed, and the skin on his knuckles had turned white from his grip on the steering wheel. You put a hand on his arm “Arvin, pull over.” He did so without a word and turned the key so that the car didn’t run. After sitting in silence for a few more minutes you spoke up again “Can we please talk?” 

        Arvin turned to meet your gaze and run a hand over his face before clearing his throat “Are you okay?” his voice was hoarse. 

        “Yeah, I’m okay,” you say with a small smile “Are you?”

        He scoffs “I wanna go back in kick his teeth in,” Arvin says through his teeth “But,” he looks at you “I won’t. I gotta get you home, don’t I?”

        You nod but stop him when he goes to start the car again instead of moving over to lay your head on his chest. “We’re already in trouble, might as well come up with a plan on what we’re gonna do when Reverend Teagardin tells my parents and your grandma about what we were doing,” you say holding onto his shirt “Or what we’re gonna do when everyone at school finds out.”          Arvin strokes your hair "Whatever happens, we got each other and you know I ain’t gonna let anyone run their mouth off to you. Including Teagardin," he looks down at you "I love you."         You nod with a smile "I love you too." After a few moments, the two of you separate and Arvin starts the car again, driving you home. He lets you keep his jack to fend off the cold and while he watches you walk up the hill to your door, he prays for the right time to come. 

        The next morning when you walk down the stairs dreading the fact you have to go to church, you wince when you see the harsh gaze of your mother. Her lips are pursed, and she breathes in her cigarette, tapping her foot, before puffing out smoke "Do you have any guesses on who called the house this morning?"         "Grandma?" you say hopefully.         Slapping her hand against the counter she comes towards you "Don't play dumb with me! Do you know what kind of mouthful I just got from Reverend Teagardin about those - those depraved acts with that Russell boy? You should be ashamed of this. Just a couple days here and what does he think of us? He thinks we raised some floozy!"         "Mom!" you screech "Arvin and I have been together for over a year what we do isn't any of yours or his business!"         "But it's the lords!" she says "And you know what he thinks about girls like that. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? And that Russell boy, you ain't seeing him anymore! You never would've done this before him, and I ain't going to let him corrupt you any more than he already has."         "He's my boyfriend you can't just-"         "No backtalk young lady. Now go get dressed for church. You're gonna pray harder than you ever have and after this, you're gonna apologize to Reverend Teagardin about your actions."

        Arvin's morning had gone no better. The reverend had called his house too and told his grandma all about what he was doing to you and how he tried to fight him, along with all the cursing. Grandma woke him up by throwing him out of the bed, and one thing led to another. The fight went from sinful behavior to him spouting - and I quote - "blasphemy". The car ride was silent. Arvin looked for you once he and his family arrived for church and frowned when he saw your mom glare at him before dragging you into the building. Reverend Teagardin standing by the door, watching. He ignored him as he walked into the church earrings a swat from his grandma. You gave him a small smile when he came in which he returned, not that you got to see it with your mom lecturing you in a quiet voice. 

        After everyone came in Reverend Teagardin came in to begin his sermon. He cleared his throat "Today, I wanted to talk about something that is plaguing society. Especially the youngins," he started "Eve in the garden. Noah, naked, the sinful acts that the devil makes tempt us. The acts that bring shame onto our families," he looks at you and Arvin. Arvin's gaze locked onto you as he watched you uncomfortably grab at your sleeves and shift in your sit. He felt the anger rise in him by the moment as the reverend kept talking. The reverend looked over the crowd "We mustn't fall to temptation regardless of what we think it is. It's all delusions. Some girl gets a feeling for a fella and lets him have her holy gift," Teagardin looks at you "And once we fall to sin. There isn't a way to come back unless we cleanse our bodies of it all. And only one thing can do it: the lord's love."         Arvin's foot tapped against the ground as the crowd cheers him, but you sit, hands sweaty and your gaze on the ground. He knows that your upset and he wants nothing more to walk over there and grab you, let you know that he was full of shit, that you had nothing to be ashamed about. But he couldn't. And when the service was finally over, your mom pulls you over to the reverend and his grandma grabbed his arm to stop him from going over. 

        "You have to take your sister to school and when it's done, you take her to the cemetery - and you stay in the car - and then you come straight home."

        Lenora practically had to pull Arvin out of the church as he was forced to leave you behind. The last thing he saw being the reverend hand being put on your back before he led you to the back of the church. Ready to consult you for your sins.         It was colder in Teagardins office. You clutched onto your cardigan as you sat down, his intent gaze staring through you. He sat up "Y/N, why don't we start simple?" he asked quietly. Leaning forward he gave you a reassuring smile "How long have you and that Russell boy been going out?"         "A little over a year," you say anxiously.         "That's a long time for someone as young as you. You know, teenage boys can be very demanding and I just want you to know-"         "That's not how it happened!" your tone sounds forced as you've tired from saying this "Why is it that everyone seems to think I'm some kind of victim in this? I wanted to have sex last night, Reverend. That was my choice. It wasn't just Arvin," you say fast as the reverend looks at you with no expression.          He leans back in his chair "When did the two of you start having sex?" he asks bluntly.         Looking anywhere but him you stutter out "A few months into our relationship, maybe. I don't know..."         "What did you do first?" he asks "Has he used your mouth before? Had his way with your body completely?"         Feeling practically naked under his gaze you squirm in your seat "Yes - I mean - I guess... I don't want to have this conversation," you try to stand up from your seat but he stands up and grabs you arm.          "You have to repent, your mother wants you too and I can help you," Reverend Teagardin says one of his hands go onto your leg "You have to show yourself to the Lord, Y/N, show yourself," his hand journeys up underneath your dress and you gasp. Pulling your arm away and running towards the door he grabs at you again.         "Get off of me!" you pull away heading outside. Ignoring the pleas of your mother you run as fast as you can trying to get away from the church. Your heart beats furiously and you don't know how far you run but the church is no longer in sight. Walking down the road you realize where you are, your back at the lake. You remember why you and Arvin picked this spot. He always said it helped him when he was deep in thought. So you go and you sit there thinking about what had just happened and then you heard a car. The rumbling of its engine and you can tell it's coming this way so you run off again, hiding behind the tree and peeking out. 

        Who could it be?

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There is definitely a lot of grammatical errors in this but I’m happy with how it turned out, which for one, was pretty fucking long. Anyway, I watched TDATT and I just loved the performances and I love Tom Hollands character. I left it on a little cliffhanger there too. I don’t know, I wrote this in a couple hours so maybe I’ll do a part two.

Don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment!

━━━  MASTERLIST