#so if anyone objects to that just let me know I very much value proper tagging

[rallamajoop]

Cultic Iconography in Resident Evil Village

As the kind of nerd who loves all the creepy artwork you can find decorating Miranda-shrines around the village (like, just check out that one of the half-skeletal Miranda hovering in the graveyard and just tell me that isn't metal AF), I was on the lookout for the original image assets while poking through the game files. I'm hardly an expert on Catholic or Orthodox iconography (plenty of which is creepy enough just to begin with), but I adore how you can see all those elements being twisted and appropriated by Miranda's cult. You'll find these six pictures plastered all over the village in various combinations.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was to find a whole extra batch of unused artwork in the same set!

Lest you doubt these were all meant to go together, they all hail from the one big compilation file ‒ I've just cropped them out separately for ease of viewing. For all I know, maybe some of these were used somewhere in the game and I just never caught it (and if you have spotted any, please let me know!)

But taken at face value, our unused images consist of one picture of the megamycete, a 10-winged-madonna figure (why limit yourself to just 6?), a side profile of Miranda herself (possibly excluded because it shows off a little too much of her real face?), two images of dead crows, and (strangest of all) a man holding a goat head.

That last pic especially stands out ‒ and not just because I could (and, indeed, now have) legit write you a whole essay on just the significance of the goat's head motif as a protective symbol in the village (seriously, it's everywhere from the Goats of Warding to the symbol on the shield of the Maiden of War statue), so I'm going to be all over any new example. But who the hell is that guy carrying it? No other image centers anyone but Miranda herself as an object of worship. This looks more like someone's taken a generic pic of the likes of St Francis of Assisi hanging out with some animals (it's a theme, you can look it up), then just cut the poor animal off at the neck for added creep factor.

So do we take it that this guy was, at some point, meant to be another key figure in Miranda's cult? Or was generic-saint-with-animal-plus-extra-squick all they were really going for? Was it drawn before the writers made Miranda the cult leader? Or could this even have been intended (as the goats themselves seem to be) as some in-universe, pre-Miranda relic of an earlier era?

Also interesting: he appears to be holding one of those ornate staves you can also see in the fire and skeletal images of Miranda above (and can also find in the field near Luisa's early in the game, before they're all replaced by charred, semi-crucified corpses). Did that symbol predate Miranda too? Fascinating, either way.

Those two crow pictures may be even more intriguing still. I'm sure we all remember that spooky batch of dead and/or hanging crows Ethan discovers at the start of his descent into the village, but thereafter nothing like that is ever seen again. Given that Miranda herself is so closely associated with crows, it's reasonable to wonder if this very-literal murder-of-crows was in fact some act of heresy by an unbeliever, deliberately hidden out in the woods.

But if images of dead crows ‒ including one hung in the very same position ‒ were at some point intended to appear alongside other images of Miranda-veneration, then presumably veneration was always the intent for those dead crows out in the woods. Suffering is, of course, a key part of the stories of so many saints. And perhaps crows are sacred only in the same way that the goats are: ideal candidates for ritual sacrifice.

Much as I love all the concept art you can already unlock with the game, I'd pay good money for a proper artbook going into all this kind of design work. There's clearly so much more that went into the concept art stages of this game that I'd love to hear more about.

And while we're at it, here's a nice big version of the standard winged-fetus symbol too:

[insertcoolusernamehereee]

The inheriting games (What do the batfamily inherit)

Duke:-

-*Now, who gets Wayne Enterprises? Well the most common (and boring) answer is Tim, which? I understand, it even said in a comic book that his name is on the paper, but if Tim wants to run a company, he can take Drake enterprises!

-*And Duke is so smart! He was solving Riddlers riddles in 7th GRADE! And, he just feels like the type of guy to be able to run a business nicely! He’d be able to separate enough funds for the Justice League easily!

-*At first, the idea of running a company (With Luscious Fox obviously) is daunting, but after a few months, Duke realises how much he loves it. The routine, the ability to help people even without the mask on? It was exhilarating.

Jason:-

-*Jason inherits the Mansion.

-*I hear you! Why in the world would JASON inherit the mansion? Well, Jason was raised in the streets. He knows best what it’s like not to have a proper place to sleep. I feel like, Jason would make the mansion a place for wandering heroes/people to stop by.

-*Like all his friends would come over sometimes, or any hero who needs a break/place to rest. Or it’s just a place for family to hang out. If the family instead hangs out at the Penthouse, then it can also be a place where people who don’t have a place to stay/who need some energy can stay. It’s still there home though. It holds too many memories.

Cassandra:-

-*Obviously shes Batman. Must I even explain?

-*She inherits the BatCave and everything, and it means the world to her that Bruce trusted her with so much.

-*Cass is the one who could have become the evilest, and most dangerous villain of them all, but instead chose to be a hero. One with the most firm no kill rule. The one, who in Bruce’s eyes, could become an even better Batman than himself.

Tim:-

-*So, Tim doesn’t inherit the Business. Dang. Y’know what he does inherit? Bruce’s CAR collection.

-*If you want to tell me Brucie Wayne, one of the richest and dramatic people alive, who built the most iconic car ever, DOESNT have the most EXTRAORDINARY AND EXPENSIVE Car collection known to mankind, argue with the WALL.

-*I don’t know how to explain it, it fits Tim so WELL. He’d love the car collection, he’d pull up to his siblings and friends house everyday in a new car, and it annoys his friends and family SO MUCH. Classic Nepo-Baby behaviour tbh.

-*I feel like Bruce giving him the car collection, instead of anything serious is a sign. Tim was slowly BECOMING more like Batman (whereas Damian was the one who came defaultly as Batman, and his arc was to find his own person), and since at times Bruce didn’t let Tim have fun, it’s a sign from him now to let his teenage, rebellious side kick in. Have some fun.

Dick:-

-*Dick, our favourite Diva, what does he inherit? He inherits all of Bruce’s Jewellery/accessories!

-*Dick, Bruce’s first ward, the one with the most similar past, who became the hope the people needed instead of the fear.

-*Also, Dicks extra and fashion loving self would LOVE the accessories. More ways to somehow make the most fashionable stuff look terrible on anyone else but me!

-*The jewellery and accessories would be a very layered way of Bruce telling Dick to sometimes take some nights off. It’s okay to be human, and do normal things, like taking too much time choosing which watch matches his outfit, or what belt to match with his shoes.

Damian:-

-*ooh~ What does Damian inherit? Damian, the one who used to, in a faraway past, boast about the fact that he was the blood-son to hide his insecurities of never fitting in, or disappointing his father in some way? He’d inherit the albums, and the family heirlooms. Special objects that held not much value financially, but so much sentimental value.

-*The albums with photos of when Bruce was a baby, to pictures when Damian finally outgrew Duke and Tim. The pearl necklace that Martha wore, and the watch that Jason fixed.

-*Damian wouldn’t need money, I feel like he’d either get a very well paying job, or steal money from the league of assassins (‘It’s not stealing Drake, it’s MY inheritance anyways, so stop sticking your nose in other families business-‘)

-*He’d treasure the stuff so much 😭 He’d keep looking at photos of Bruce when he dies :)))

!!!EXTRA!!!

Stephanie:-

-*Yes, Stephanie gets something. Because while Bruce might not be her father, she’s still part of the family. Somehow.

-*She gets all the….BATMOBILES

-*Yup, you heard me. Cass is Batman, Tim has the cars, but somehow it’s STEPHANIE who ends up with the BatMobile.

-*So, mostly the reason was because of how funny it would be, but it’s also how much Stephanie would LOVE it. And of coarse it’s a layered message here as well.

-*Bruce seemed to have trusted Stephanie the least. He was the worst to her as Robin, and she ended up dead, and after THAT, they’re relationship was far from ‘good’

-*Now, because of the strained relationship, Bruce would NEVER let Steph ride the Batmobile, right? He doesn’t trust her, and, I mean, he doesn’t let DAMIAN ride it with consent- But him giving her the Batmobile is basically him saying ‘I was wrong to not trust you’, and it’s a sort of apology if you will.

-*(Tims ecstatic when he finds out he gets all the cars, but when he finds out Steph got the BATMOBILE?

‘SHE GETS THE BATMOBILE?’ ‘IM ON THE WILL?!’)

Barbara:-

-*Barbara gets all the contingency plans for the Justice league. Cass didn’t. This was Bruce’s way of telling babs how much he trusts her, and how mature she really is now.

-*He didn’t give Cass the contingency plans, not because he doesn’t trust her, but because…He thinks Babs would appreciate it more.

I know what ur thinking; Cass is Batman, Steph has the Batmobile, and Barbara gets the contingency plans? How does that work? Well, it’s basically Bruce encouraging Cass to let people help her, something he struggled with, and one of his biggest flaws.

Selina:-

-*if for some reason (They’re idiots I SWEAR TO GOD), they still weren’t married after he died, she gets the most beautiful diamond, pearl ring known to MANKIND, and a very heartfelt note.

-*If they were engaged/Married, Selina gets all the safe houses that Bruce owns around the world. He would want Selina to travel, and move on.

Commissioner Gordon:-

-*Commisioner gets to know Batmans identity (what it was before), and even if he already knew it, it’s the thought that counts.

-*He also gets a gun…wrapped in a sheet, with a note stuck on it. It had nothing to do with how Joker died, found in an alleyway, shot in the gut. At least, that’s what Barbara claims.

Bruce’s Money in his Bank account:-

-*His kids don’t need the money so.

-*20% goes to Clark (he begrudgingly accepts it, remembering the time Bruce gave him cash on his bday. Bruce always had strange ways of showing love.)

-*Another 20% goes to Dick, another 20% to the Justice League, and the remaining 40% to charity.

[glacierclear]

Okay, so I need a whole fucking rant about Leon's trauma from you, just straight up ted-talk, please, I'm begging you, just any though about this topic that's rattling in your brain

oh good lord, anon. im taking deep breathes but why would you ask me this why would y-

im putting this under a cut because other wise it'd be annoying

need everyone to keep in mind that im still in the baby beginning stages of my resident evil obsession so finer details pertaining to lore and stuff i will not be aware of !!!!! a lot of this is probably headcannoning anyways...

leon's entire character makes me so sad but so stupidly passionate. this young, bright-eyed boy who just wanted to help people. being forced into an unending nightmare. the actor in re2r did such a good job portraying his earnest flavor of justice.

the fact that you can tell he thoroughly believes everything is his fault and even if you told him none of it was his fault he would probably just cry and pretend to accept what you're saying but none of it would reach his heart. and he's not even half-assing anything. he wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't do everything in his power to save people, to do his job, and even then, he can't forgive himself when he does...

that scene in re2r where he first meets marvin and is like "there was another cop...i tried to save him...i tried..." and you can see his lips quiver and he has to bite them to keep himself from collapsing in on himself. it KILLS ME.

and even after that nightmare he was forced into being DSO's little attack dog for the rest of his life. he probably thinks that's what he deserves. he doesn't deserve to have a proper chance at life anymore after screwing up raccoon city so bad. and he probably doesn't have anyone he can really confide in...not truly.

any relationship he manages to have outside of work is probably so loveless. i feel like he is undeniably attracted to partners who don't value him. it validates the part of him that thinks he's the reason all those people died.

maybe he intentionally lets himself get hurt on missions. he drinks until he can't stay awake, until he barfs it all up and then he drinks some more. because otherwise his brain won't stop reliving the past. he probably knows he's sexy. that he's objectively handsome. but he's utterly convinced that if anyone knew him. like actually knew him. they'd be horrified and run away. and he knows he doesn't deserve a good life partner. not really. not truly. he wouldn't be able to make them happy.......

that being said he probably loves animals so much. especially dogs. unconditional love that he can very clearly see, reciprocate, and receive. it's uncomplicated.

it's rare he gets through the night without waking up. either by nightmares or panic attacks or some form of "i feel like im gonna be killed" . he probably trains for hours and hours a week. he has to get better he has to BE better. he has to do it for the people who live and who died. he carries all that on his shoulders. and considering how many times he's been infected with bullshit viruses and parasites over the years he's probably convinced he's JUST LIKE the monsters he kills and that maybe, at any moment, he could hurt those in his life.

and to top it all off. for everything he has to go through and everything he has to fight and everything he has to kill for. he has to do all of that with fucking hair in his eyes because he refuses to get a different haircut.

[callsign-bunnie]

Wow… I always thought you were inclusive to all fans. Guess not.

Spoilers

I tried to be, and I still try to be to MOST fans, but I have limits and I have lines. I know it's probably been obvious, but I've really drawn back from being socially active in the fandom. I take stands, occasionally, but for the most part, I just block and move on. My block list on tiktok is long, because if I don't like content, I block rather than get upset.

I don't really look at my home page, anymore. Going onto AO3 hits me with so many (niche and specific to me) triggers in a day, that my reason for not reading others' works has shifted from, even though I'm working on managing it, my Dyslexia to just being unable to navigate my own triggers. This isn't anyone's fault, it's mine.

If I'm being honest? My mental health is in the dumpster and while this has a wide variety of reasons, if I can protect it in any way I can, I will. And if this includes having to tell a certain group of fans that they're not welcome on my blog? Unfortunately, that's what has to happen.

I'm not a stranger to fandom wars, as stupid as I think they are, I'm not a stranger to the aggression that happens here. And I have, definitely, been on the other side a few times. My first proper introduction to fandom was Supernatural and FNAF. I STILL deal with seeing posts talking about how a ship I didn't ship is superior to one I do ship for no fucking reason. I understand liking a character, and I understand having villain characters that you still like and love, and I can appreciate the "he's my precious pookie bear and does nothing wrong" mindset to a certain extent.

But I think ignoring Makarov's actions, even if he's a fictional character, even if it's just a game, is ignorant, in today's climate. A prime example of why I cannot get behind it is Russian Terminator. I have... so many reasons I can go through why this man is just awful, but my wife is slightly more educated, so I'll let her take the reigns on that one if she wants. However, he sucks. Objectively. But because he's masked and ripped, I see so many edits of him. So many.

I see people call themselves his "simps" and actively ignore and block those who try to point out his horrific actions and opinions and views and values to them. This man is not a fictional character. He's a real person.

I have always been a huge advocate for "live and let live" in fandom spaces. To an extent that even my wife and I get into arguments over it. My only limit seems to be pedophilia, for personal reasons. And I am not telling you to stop writing Makarov. I'm not even telling you not to find him hot. You can giggle and kick your feet when he "activates your praise kink" in the first mission, I don't care I won't stop you.

But I don't want that in my own space. I protect my peace. This ranges from silly things that just bother me (pricegraves) to big things like this. As my wife stated, Graves committed war crimes. Yes. He killed civilians, and that's inexcusable. But, I feel like this is comparing a passion killing, to systematic murder. Graves would have committed those crimes in any country, but the US. France, England, pretty much any country he could have gotten away with it.

Makarov targeted a country of Arabic people, because he knew about the aggression and islamophobia that exists in the west. He knew that if he pulled some strings a little, he could very easily turn a country just looking for peace into a country of terrorists, in the western media's eyes. This is irredeemable in my eyes.

So, no. I try to be inclusive. Pricegraves fans are still welcome to interact with me. They know by now that I won't write it, I don't really entertain it, and to go to my wife. The same for FarahAlex shippers, and really anyone who ships something on my No-Ship list. (Though please get the memo on that second ship, I'm never gonna budge, I'm sorry.)

I'm sorry if you feel alienated, I know it probably sucks. Trust me, I understand. But, unfortunately, I want to protect my peace, and I want my blog to continue to be my own safe space.

Thank you for understanding.

[latinokaeya-moving]

i watched a vid the other day of this person reviewing the ‘im glad my mom died’ memoir and they talked a lot abt the like. stylistic/writing choices made by the author that worked really well and i enjoyed that approach to a book review bc i like hearing abt what Works when writing you know so i watched another of their vids for a different celebrity’s memoir and this one was a lot more critical (they very obviously didn’t like this person but idk how much that rlly impacted the review itself) and while i appreciated the examples given of like. how Not to write/stuff that sometimes doesn’t work or doesn’t flow as well they started bringing out really technical rules of grammar/writing on talked abt how it was All Wrong and how the memoir was in desperate need of editing bc how could anyone have let this be published

and it just got me thinking bc like. i’m not gonna say i’m an expert on the english language or anything like this person very obviously is more educated on that then me but idk. i feel like i’m generally a decent judge on whether a sentence flows well/sounds right and i think im able to make a distinction between something being technically grammatically incorrect but still sounding good and having an obvious reason for being written that way vs something being wrong technically And that affecting it’s readability or impact of what it’s meant to Do stylistically. like idk ig that’s just the way that person reviews books but it just felt so extremely limited and constrained bc i know i regularly Choose to sometimes write in a style that isn’t wholly correct or ‘proper’ english but it’s not bc im like being deliberately obtuse or don’t know the rules. sometimes i just think the rules are a little dumb n that my writing will sound n flow better the way i do it.

and idk i just think it was a little annoying to watch in their example bc i listened to all the lines they critiqued n Why/How they were Totally Wrong and i couldn’t help but be like okay… but they sound fine to me. like you obviously got what was being said and it read well so…? although i guess whether it sounds good or flows well is more objective so like they were entitled to their own opinion and all i just didn’t like the way they positioned writing as something that must follows these arbitrary rules as if not following them means anything or has any moral value you know…

[musical-chick-13]

About that “Chibnall killed Doctor who post”

I’m kinda on the inbetween of that arguement, I remained a fan of Doctor who throughout this Chibnall era, but I definitely think Chibnall isn’t as good of a Doctor who writer as RTD or Moffat.

I think literally any episode he did (keeping the original concept) could’ve been done better with RTD or Moffat.

E.G. I really liked the Concept of the Timeless child and I the episode itself was pretty good, but I think if RTD had worked on series 11 and 12, the timeless child thing would’ve been something similar to bad Wolf, with a lot more hinting and build up throughout the series.

But again, I still watch it, and I’m still a fan since there were some good episodes in Chibnall’s era. But I am excited for RTD’s return.

Hey, fellow Doctor Who fan! Thanks for the ask! (And for being respectful and descriptive while sending it. I love, like...actual fandom dialogue and idea exchange, and I am always down to talk about Doctor Who.)

I'm sorry this response got so long (turns out I love to ramble about TV I follow), so I'm putting the rest under a "read more."

I totally get why people are excited for RTD coming back. Personally, I just like the characters and acting more in the other eras (sans Martha, who is my favorite companion forever and ever, but I still didn't really like the way Ten treated her?). They spoke to me in a way that many in RTD-era number one just...didn't? I'm not completely sure why, so I guess I'll have to work on figuring that out, haha. But I primarily care about characters/character arcs when I watch something because I've been a Theatre Kid™ (and later a Theatre Adult™) my entire life, and the reason why is because I like getting into the heads of fictional people and figuring out where they emotionally end up. Foreshadowing and plot concepts are often secondary to me. But for people who value those things, absolutely I get the love for RTD because he was (and likely will continue to be) good at it.

I think, ultimately, a big part of the problem in terms of how the Chibnall era was received stemmed, not just from genuine criticisms of or objections to the show, but also the fact that many fans would take every opportunity to talk about how every single thing was completely awful with no redeeming qualities and deserved no chances. People who stopped watching the show would still talk about it, even though they hadn't actually seen what was happening, and despite me seeing a lot of discussion about how people were willing to accept some of RTDs (and even, occasionally, Steven Moffat's, though that was far less common) because they got value out of enough other things in the show. But I...haven't seen the same grace extended to the Chibnall era. There were some episodes that fell flat for me, but I think Ryan's arc of learning what he wants and accepting the beauty of a life on Earth, and Graham's reflection on grief, and Yaz's ill-advised devotion and mental health struggle backstory, and everything about Thirteen, and everything about Sacha Dhawan's portrayal of The Master ultimately mean more to me than the episodes I find less-than-stellar. But many times when I've tried to go into Doctor Who-related tags or look for video essays on YouTube or skim the official Facebook page for news, I just see an avalanche of content about how the whole thing is worthless and we should throw it all out. Add in the fact that there were some infamous plotlines and fandom drama in the "Super" and "Lock" parts of SuperWhoLock (which as a totality has recently made the shift in cultural perception to "Cringe™"), which bled over into assuming Doctor Who would follow suit, and there's a lot of negativity that unfairly skews the perception of what people's relationship to and opinion of the show are. Many times, the people who hate something are the loudest about it. And a lot of times, that dissuades people who genuinely love the thing from talking about how much they love it. (Or, at the very least, prevents those talks from getting traction, because people who hate things, in my experience, are...very adamant about running people who disagree with them off of public platforms.)

I can get why the Chibnall era wouldn't hit as well for some people. And if it's not someone's thing, that is completely fine. (God knows there are lots of things that aren't for me.) I think, though, that if someone decides something isn't their thing, it's better for everyone for them to say, "Hey, it's not my thing" and watch something else that is. I don't think continuing to talk about how much they hate it is very helpful to anyone involved. Obviously people can vent and make posts about their feelings on the show, but there's a line and I've seen a lot of people (in unprecedented numbers) cross it. And, ultimately, I think that is the thing that's the most responsible for the public negative reactions to Chibnall.

[wisteria-lodge]

a lion snake

Hi! Could you please help sort me? I have no idea what my primary and secondary is … everything just seems relatable on some level? Mbti and Enneagram wise, I’m ENFP 6w7.

I was into both those for a second, but would not count myself an expert. @air-in-words sometimes writes about the connections between SHC and MBTI, but I don’t think we have an Enneagram person.

For Primary, my moral center usually boils down to “if I care about it, I do, if not then **** it.” At least that’s how I was when I was younger (I’m currently 4th year undergrad, for reference.) 

That sounds like an Internal primary (Snake or Lion) thing. “That’s a THEM problem, not a ME problem.”

I deeply value my goals. They are my life, so to say and I’d rather die than not accomplish it. Or at least, die trying ;) I can’t imagine my life without these goals because they’ve always been my entire life.

Snake primary with a small circle (or a circle that’s just you) is possible, but so far I’m going with… probably Lion.

One of my uncles once told me about his friend. The implication here ticked me hard. From what he said, it boiled down to “Don’t be selfish, help your family first. Sacrifice for your family because we are family” I shrugged. I couldn’t imagine someone abandon their life, their goals completely to help their family. In my case, I’d work on what I ‘care’ about first and help my family second. Maybe sending money? I’m normally very ambitious person and I usually don’t let anybody stop me.

So *not* a Badger :D And all this focus on “goals” makes me think Lion. It’s kind of funny, since in the parent system “ambition” was such a hallmark of Snake… but I don’t know. Maybe we’ve… shed that skin…

I see my goals as a mean to carve a place out for myself and to have some control over my life. I want to live my life and work on something larger than just myself.

The Lion primary dream.

I don’t want to die a nobody in the backwater of the world (I’m in Thailand and the country is… well, in ruins might be an understatement.)

You’ve got that fire driving you.

I want more; more fame, more power, more influence. But I don’t want to follow anyone’s rules or the established system. I want to carve out the world on my own terms. Maybe owning a company one day. It doesn’t have to be big, but it must work well enough to help people and environment and to feed me and my people. That’s the most important things for me.

I’ve talked about how “fame” and “power,” are just really attractive concepts to Lions, especially Lions who feel stuck. Your company - help the environment, help people, feed my people - especially in that order, is so Lion.

And I do want to work on something that has positive impact to the world. So, I choose to pursue my works in Indigenous Fisheries. I love sea, I empathize with indigenous people. So that’s what I will do. All I want is to live my life and do work on what I believe in and have the freedom to actually make it happen. 

You’ll do it. I truly believe you will. Also, your English is fantastic.

For secondary. Oh, this is a real menace. In general, I want to use whatever methods that get things done without any repercussion. But if pressed, I’d love the most effective strategy that works in the moment. For some people, it’s better to be a tad bit manipulative while to another it’s better to just be straightforward.

The fact that you’re consciously able to make the choice to be manipulative or straightforward, and have them both work… that tells me you’ve got one of the arms-length secondaries, Bird or Snake. And I am really, really feeling Snake secondary here.

Same goes for the situations, some requires more finesse while another requires straightforward solution. So, change? Maybe? I usually adapt to whatever I have at hands and … when I work on something, I usually come out just fine without really know what I’ve done.

Yes. Snake secondary. Which makes you the first real-life Lion Snake I’ve sorted. Nice. Lion Snakes are a force of nature.

My friends said I’m a fox. Maybe not sly and slick, in fact I’m blunt and generally tactless, but I can get people to work for me even if they might not want to in the first place. Through getting their friends to work for me first and ask for their help, maybe. Or to shift the objectives a bit to cater to their sense of justice … or greed. Whatever works will do.

Oh, that’s some proper Snake.

You know, you mentioned you’re from Thailand. So now I’m thinking about how our little system here does use the Western set of associations when it comes to these animals.

I don’t think there’s too much of a difference for Lions, Birds and Badgers, but Snakes… I want to say that in Buddhism snakes are quite positive, to do with rebirth and healing and transcendence and things like that. It’s only in the Western world that they’ve got the snake-in-the-garden-of-Eden connection, which gives them that link to sneakiness, manipulation, lying. Which (*please* correct me if I’m wrong) in the Eastern world are traits that generally go to the fox. So I think your friends are calling you out for being kind of snakey, is my point, and I just thought that was cool.

I just discovered your Tumblr here and it is so good! I’ve a great time reading it and it is eye-opening. Keep it up. Thank you.

You’re welcome. I’m glad you enjoy reading it. I really, really enjoy writing it. <3

[pinktwingirl]

Loki Series Rewrite (AKA Loki Series but with Squirrel Girl): Ep 1

Hey guys! Long story short, I wasn’t a fan of the Loki series, so I decided to make my own rewrite (including my favorite Marvel character, Squirrel Girl!) These are basically a collection of scenes that I would’ve either added or rewritten to improve the show. Btw, this is a continuation of my Endgame rewrite where Loki comes back to life after dying in Infinity War, so the Loki in this version is modern-day Loki, not 2012 Loki. Also, the whole Loki x Sylvie self-cest thing made me VEEERRRRY UNCOMFY, so I got rid of it. Their relationship is purely platonic in this. Anyways, enjoy! (This work is in screenplay format.)

INT. TVA - DAY

We pan through the TVA and see agents at work, checking timelines and watching training videos. We see various TVA posters warning about variants and "protecting the sacred timeline."

We then cut to RAVONNA RENSLAYER in her office. She is at her desk, sorting through files. Suddenly, an agent bursts in.

AGENT

Ma'am, we have a situation.

Ravonna follows the agent to a computer, where we see a timeline branching off from the main one.

AGENT

Is this the variant we've been searching for?

Ravonna glances at the computer and nods.

RAVONNA

About damn time...

EXT. CHICAGO BAR, 1986 - NIGHT

We see a woman with long, black hair and a green dress chatting with a man in a bar. The song "Devil Woman" by Cliff Richard is playing in the background.

MAN

Can I interest you in another drink, beautiful?

The woman lets out a flirty laugh and blushes.

WOMAN

Oh, you're too kind.

The man turns to the bartender.

MAN

Hey, can you get my girl here a...

(He turns to the woman.)

What can I get you, honey?

WOMAN

Surprise me.

The man turns back to the bartender.

MAN

You heard her.

The woman has a devilish smirk on her face as she watches them. The man turns back to her as the bartender starts mixing a drink.

MAN

You know, I feel selfish. I've been talking so much about myself, but I still don't know a thing about you.

WOMAN

Well... what do you want to know?

Suddenly, another man approaches them.

MAN #2

Hey, what do you think you're doing with my date?!

MAN

Your date? She's mine, asshole!

MAN #2

I caught her first!

(He turns to the woman.)

I'm sorry, honey, is this guy bothering you?

MAN

Bothering her?! You listen here, shithead-

He grabs the other man and they begin to wrestle with each other.

WOMAN

(Playfully)

Oh no, please don't fight over me...

As the men grow more violent, a bit of green magic shoots out of the woman's hand, causing the first man's wallet to fly into her grasp. She slips by the men, undetected as the bartender tries to break them up. Outside the bar, the woman walks off. With a smirk, she shifts into LOKI, now in his male form. He unveils the tesseract with magic and disappears.

INT. THE BENATAR - NIGHT

Loki reappears in the Guardians' ship, where Thor and the Guardians of the Galaxy are waiting for him. Loki smirks.

LOKI

Another successful venture.

THOR

Did they fight?

LOKI

Like bilgesnipe.

Thor bursts into laughter, and Loki hands Rocket the wallet.

LOKI

I also got the wallet, as requested. Although, I don't think Midgardian currency will have much value on the far side of the galaxy.

ROCKET

Who cares about the money? I just wanted the wallet.

(He dumps out the dollar bills and admires the wallet.)

This is nice leather...

LOKI

Anyone else have any travel requests?

QUILL

Oh, I got a whole bunch.

NEBULA

Quit acting like children. An infinity stone is not a toy to be played with.

LOKI

Oh, please. The tesseract and I go far back. If anyone can control it, I can.

ROCKET

You know, I'm starting to think you've just gotten sick of being around us, and now you're just looking for an excuse to get away.

LOKI

I will neither confirm nor deny that.

THOR

By that, he means "yes."

ROCKET

That's pretty rude of you, grease weasel.

Loki scowls at him.

DRAX

Can you travel to Kylos? I would greatly enjoy having some trego fruit again.

LOKI

Certainly.

The tesseract starts to glow in his hands.

INT. TVA - DAY

The agent and Ravonna are still at the computer.

AGENT

He's using the stone again. He's going to time-jump.

RAVONNA

Block it. Intercept him.

The agent presses a button.

EXT. MONGOLIA - DAY

Loki crash lands in the Gobi Desert and wakes up, looking utterly confused as a group of villagers approach him.

VILLAGER

(in Mongolian)

Who are you? Why have you come to our home?

Loki raises an eyebrow and opens his mouth to respond. Suddenly, a portal opens and several TVA agents enter. They lean down to examine the tesseract, and Loki abruptly rushes over to them.

LOKI

Don't touch that!

The agents ready their prune sticks. Suddenly, HUNTER B-15 opens a portal and enters.

HUNTER B-15

It appears to be a standard sequence violation.

(She checks her tem-pad)

Branch is growing at a stable rate and slope. Variant identified.

LOKI

I beg your pardon?

HUNTER B-15

On behalf of the Time Variance Authority, I hereby arrest you for crimes against the sacred timeline. Hands up.

The agents activate their prune sticks.

HUNTER B-15

You're coming with us.

LOKI

I'm sorry, who's "us"?

Hunter B-15 activates her own prune stick.

HUNTER B-15

Last chance, variant.

Loki chuckles.

LOKI

Look, I don't know who the hell you seem to think you are... But if you don't mind, this is actually your last chance.

(Beat)

Now get out of my way.

Before he can attack, Hunter B-15 strikes him with her stick.

INT. TVA COURTROOM - DAY

Ravonna pounds her gavel.

RAVONNA

Next case, please!

Hunter B-15 forces Loki onto the stand.

RAVONNA

"Laufeyson"... Variant L1130, aka "Loki Laufeyson"...

LOKI

I prefer "Odinson," thank you.

After a pause, Ravonna shrugs.

RAVONNA

Very well...

(She crosses out "Laufeyson" on his case file and writes in "Odinson.")

Loki Odinson, you are charged with sequence violation 7-20-89. How do you plead?

Loki chuckles.

LOKI

Madam, a god doesn't plead. Look, this has been a very enjoyable pantomime, but I'd like to go home now.

RAVONNA

Are you guilty or not guilty, sir?

Loki smirks.

LOKI

Guilty of being the god of mischief, yes. Guilty of finding all of this incredibly tedious, yes. Guilty of a... "crime"... against the "sacred timeline"? Absolutely not, you have the wrong person.

RAVONNA

Oh, really? And who should we have?

LOKI

Well, in my defense, the only reason I ever came in possession of the tesseract is because the Avengers traveled back in time.

Mobius enters the courtroom.

RAVONNA

We're not here to talk about the Avengers. What they did was supposed to happen; you reviving yourself with the tesseract and running around time, causing chaos was not.

Loki laughs.

LOKI

I'm sorry - not supposed to happen according to whom?

RAVONNA

The timekeepers.

INT. TIME THEATER - DAY

Mobius is showing Loki clips of his life and trying to dig deeper into his psyche.

MOBIUS

You know, trying to kill all the frost giants, invading Earth, I don't see anything very mischievous about this...

He plays a clip of the bifrost nearly destroying Jotunheim. A family of frost giants runs in fear as the land is destroyed. A little girl screams as her father is vaporized by the blast. Loki is visibly uncomfortable.

MOBIUS

Look at that. Did you enjoy doing that?

LOKI

Enough of your games. You've made your point.

Ignoring him, Mobius plays the clip of him telling Kurse where to go.

MOBIUS

And then, you tried tricking the dark elves into finding Thor, but instead, you sent them right to Frigga.

Loki tenses when he sees Frigga fighting Malekith.

LOKI

I don't want to watch this.

He winces, trying to keep himself together, as he watches Malekith stab Frigga.

MOBIUS

Well, you're going to watch it. Because that's your life, that's the consequences of your actions, and that is the proper flow of time! Now, why don't you tell me, do you enjoy hurting people?

LOKI

I don't have to play your games-

MOBIUS

Do you enjoy killing?

LOKI

I'll kill you.

MOBIUS

What, like you did your mother?

Enraged, Loki tosses a chair at him. Mobius dodges it, and it flies through the hologram of Frigga's dead body. Loki lunges at Mobius, but he uses the time twister to send him back on the ground. Loki growls in pain.

MOBIUS

Sorry, the time twister just loops you, not the furniture. You weren't born to be king, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, and that's how it always will be. All so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves.

LOKI

(Voice cracking)

That's not true. You're lying.

MOBIUS

It is true. Your life ended after Thanos snapped your neck, because you fulfilled your purpose of assembling the Avengers to destroy you. Your purpose was never to become a hero. You're a villain, and that will never change as long as the sacred timeline runs its course.

INT. TIME THEATER - DAY

After Loki escapes and returns to the time theater on his own, he finds a folder of papers on the table. He opens it and reads the first file. It reads "LOKI ODINSON - MAIN OBJECTIVES: MURDER, LIE, MANIPULATE. LIFE PURPOSE: CATALYST FOR THE AVENGERS. OBJECTIVE FULFILLED. LIFE TERMINATED. END OF FILE.

Horrified, Loki stares at the file as tears run down his face. After a moment, he starts laughing as Hunter B-15 enters.

HUNTER B-15

Something funny?

After a pause, Loki shakes his head.

LOKI

Glorious purpose...

INT. TIME THEATER - DAY

Loki is talking with Mobius after being apprehended again.

LOKI

I will admit, the TVA is... formidable. Even an infinity stone is useless here.

(Beat)

You're not going to let me return to my own timeline, are you?

(Beat)

MOBIUS

Normally, no, we wouldn't. But... if you help us... maybe the timekeepers might be willing to make an exception. A rogue variant's been killing our minutemen.

LOKI

And you need the god of mischief to help you stop him?

MOBIUS

That's right.

LOKI

Why me?

MOBIUS

The variant we're hunting is... you.

Have some actual Lady Loki yay! 

So yeah, the purpose of this episode was mainly to re-establish the show within the continuity of my version of Endgame. Squirrel Girl comes in next episode!

@drawntothedarkside Here’s your tag!

[dumpster-of-the-lost-souls]

I loath Bakugo so much. He simultaneously gets on every single one of my nerves.

Wanna know why?

Reason numero uno: His ego/personality

Characters with such massive egos that they could blot out the sun get on my nerves especially those who have done nothing of value to derserve their high opinion of themselves.

Bakuhoe only has that “perfect hero” quirk through sheer dumb luck. If I owned a hero agency the minute I heard of him I’d blacklist him from my agency.

His quirk which is literally Nitroglycerin sweat is to much of a hazard for hero work.

His abusive nature tearing down people who he sees as weak do to having a quirk that at first shows little applications for hero work or are out right quirkless. I’d rather not know how he thinks of people whose quirks are more of a danger to their health or people who are disabled due to their quirk or naturally born that way.

The fact that he told Izuku to take a swan dive off the school roof so he could get a quirk in his next life doesn’t paint a pretty picture.

Reason number 2 his quirk

Nitroglycerin is first and foremost and explosive. A very unstable explosive the slightest nudge or heat change could detonate it. It is infact the most dangerous and unstable explosive mankind has ready access to.

That alone is bad enough but what’s worse is that the narrative and Bakuhoe himself treat his explosions as little more then those joy poppers you get from a party bag.

I know first hand just how powerful explosions are.

I live 2.19 miles (AKA 3.53 km) away from a quarry and I know when their explosives go off I can hear them and I can feel them through the vibrations of the floor. My house is made of concrete for context.

Explosions are powerful and dangerous. The shockwave can travel miles and a powerful enough shockwave can shatter glass, rupture organs, destabilizing building structures etc. The heat can leave massive scorch marks, burn, and disintegrate objects people and other organisms. The sound of the explosion can deafen someone who is unprepared.

There is a good reason why the Mythbusters used bunkers, plexiglass shields, proper locations to test and use explosives.

With the scale of the explosions in BNHA it’s a miracle that Bakuhoe hasn’t maimed or killed anyone left. It’s only because of the plot armor he has the size of his ego that it hasn’t happened yet.

I side with the spectators on the Bakuhoe vs Ochako fight. Bakuhoe would have left Ochako out cold with hearing loss, vision and brain damage and several 3rd degree burns from the first strike alone. If Ochako continued as she did in canon and no one stepped in to call off the match I’m fairly certain Bakuhoe would have killed her.

Reason number 3 lack of consequences

People say that he has gotten consequences for his actions the sludge village incident or Kamino ward.

Those aren’t consequences of his actions and choices. He did not choose to be attacks by a villain. He did not choose to chained to the podium so that he could accept a medal he didn’t want.

When I say I want Bakuhoe to face consequences for his actions I mean let people find out about how he was physically abusive to Izuku, let people find out about the suicide baiting.

Let the “bakusquad” get a real nice look at who their “friend” really is I mean just after Kamino Ward he forced Kaminari to short circuit by hurting him that’s physical abuse. Image how they’d react with that incident in mind when they learn about Izuku’s experiences.

Or he could actually hurt/maim/kill someone but because they were in his mind weak it’s completely fine. But have that be stomped out by proper authorities.

Reason number 4: being shoehorned into the spotlight

My favorite arcs of the show are the Stain and Overhaul arcs because we get wonderful character growth, good storylines, kickass fights all without Bakuhoe storming in and demanding screen time

I’d love the show more if I didn’t have to put up with the Pomeranian all the damn time. Show me more of the alley fight trio, show me more of the Izucrew!

I’ve had it with the forced Izuku Bakuhoe duo and the “three musketeers”

Show me literally anyone else then this little shit.

[musicallisto]

Hello love,

Congratulations for the 800 followers! You absolutely deserve this and so much more! I'm happy to see how your blog grows and that you're still providing all of us with wonderful content. You're one of the first blogs that I've started to follow here on Tumblr and I'm so lucky to have found your blog ♡

As for your celebration event, could I please request a 🍨 vanilla milkshake with a male Peaky Blinders Character?

I'm more on the curvy side (and insecure about it) and I'm ALWAYS wearing black (which I love, no matter what others say or even more if they object). As for my personality, I'm a highly complex, paradox and complicated individium. I'm unbelievable patient, timid, awkward, kind, forgiving, open-minded, compassionate, thruthful, gentle and calm and I've been told that I have a calming effect on others, that I can easily ground anyone and anything, no matter how troubled their mind is. I prefer vintage over modern things. I think rather deep which often leads me to overthinking everything, which in turn leads me to doubting (very much) myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (but I like it this way). I'm always well-meaning, yet often misunderstood (maybe because it's hard for me to articulate myself). I can be incredible lazy, clumsy and forgetful. I've always felt like I don't really belong anywhere, so I've started to distance myself from others a while ago. I'm a outsider, weird, a dork, not normal, a loner and I fucking love it, because I like to be different, I would hate to fit into just one box and to be like everyone else. And I like people who are not ashamed to be their 100% true self, no matter how different that is from the mainstream. I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. That says a lot, because I'm hard to scare away. Sometimes I feel alienated from the people and things surrounding me and I'm sure that I annoy and bore them. I'm very nervous and insecure around others, which is why I try to avoid people and why I'm not talking all that much around them (though, I'm a really good listener). I'm easily overwhelmed by large crowds and much light/noise, that's why I don't like to go outside, I prefer to cozy up at home. I would never intentionally hurt a animal and I'm not eating any meat, which is very important to me. I believe that there isn't a ounce of cruelty inside me. I'm unassuming and understanding, I only believe what I've witnessed on my own and I have endless acceptance for almost everything. Due to my Insomnia, I'm a night owl. I have strong personal values, am very opinionated and I'm really in-touch with myself and even though I'm extremly insecure, I would never reduce or change myself and views/opinions for someone and I neither have a problem to challenge authority and advocating for my beliefs. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I really hate it. And, as you can see, I'm unable to be brief. My favourite colours are dark green, black, gold and dark purple. My greatest passion is music, even if I can't sing or play an instrument.(I prefer rock/punk/pop/80s/90s) It's the most calming and therapeutic thing when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. And otherwise I love to watch films and series (I like fantasy, horror, psychological thriller, science fiction and psychological drama and almost anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s). I love rainy days and to go outside while it's pouring big, fat drops. What I love the most is to drive around without a destination, while talking and listening to music. And I love to spend time with my cat, if I could, I would have endless animals who live peacefully and loved with me. I enjoy to have deep talks and to be challenged to think. I love to take late-night-strolls, while gazing into the sky and watching the stars/moon. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things.

I really hope that's not too much? But thank you anyway ♡

Have a good day!

thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me to know that I was one of the first blogs you followed ;; here’s your vanilla milkshake - and it’s also my first time writing for peaky blinders, but I hope it’s alright; and I hope finn shelby will find the portrait I paint of him accurate enough...

Birmingham was a drab and disheartening place enough without the war adding to its joylessness; but somehow the streets are even worse to bear deserted than when they’re bustling and fetid. Especially for a ten year old boy who wants nothing but to play with someone, to talk to someone, to see someone.

With his brothers off fighting somewhere in France and his aunt too busy with her businesses (adult stuff that Finn has absolutey no interest in attempting to understand), the youngest Shelby has been fighting off an affliction worse than consumption and measles, because much more insidious for a boy his age; boredom

and he’s so sad, so irrevocably sad, with no one to bruise his knees with and throw mud at, that he just aimlessly wanders the empty streets whenever aunt Polly isn’t looking, to find a semblance of stimulation

(he used to enjoy the solitude, it gave him time to imagine delirious stories in fantastical worlds and read the most enthralling of novels, but not anymore. four years of reclusion is an awfully long time for a little boy.)

and it’s during one of his escapades that he first meets you

you’re a little girl his age, dressed in a pretty dress, wearing pretty booties and holding a pretty little woven basket, but your face is stuck on the most grouchy frown he’s ever seen on a little girl, and you don’t walk, you stomp down the wet pavement like a wrathful titan

And it’s probably the first time in four years that he’s been this close to making a new friend, so he walks up to you, despite how rusty his communication skills have become

“Girls don’t frown. It’s unbecoming.”

(Yes, pretty rusty indeed; but in his defense, he’s ten, he’s bored, he’s lonely, and he’s only ever heard Ada say it, and Ada is the most level-headed of his siblings, so anything she says must be true, right?)

“Shut up.”

(Well, if it was unbecoming of you to frown, it’s even more to rebuff someone so rudely. You don’t even spare a glance and continue walking; he has to hurry to catch up to you.)

“You can’t say that. It’s a bad word.”

“How do you know that?”

“My family says it all the time, but they told me I can’t say it.”

“Well, my family is not your family. And I hate my family!”

You’ve yelled the last words at the sky, so loud that the crows on the neighboring roofs have taken off in a startled flight.

“They want to wear this stupid dress to go to the stupid market to buy stupid meat. I don’t even want to eat meat, that’s cruel! And I don’t even want to wear a frilly dress! I want to wear black!”

And in saying so you tugged at the pink and white ribbons that encircled your waist.

And Finn couldn’t help being extremely intrigued at this little girl who said bad words and refused to eat meet and wanted to wear black. It was the most exciting thing to ever happen in all the duration of the war.

“You want to wear a black dress?”

“Yes, but my mama won’t let me. She says it’s too sad because of the war. But black isn’t sad! Black is beautiful!”

“Maybe I could find you a black dress. I’m sure my sister must have one. Where do you live?”

And, loyal to his promise, the following morning he had run to your doorstep and snuck into your house - a proper Shelby talent, to be able to go unnoticed or make a ruckus depending on the occasion - with an old, crinkled mourning dress of Ada’s, that had probably belonged to his mother and had been mended several times

And it was obviously five sizes too big for you and you looked more like a ghost from one of Finn’s horror novels, your arms floating in the sleeves and the hem of the skirt pooling at your feet, but your smile was the brightest light he’d ever seen in this whole damn town.

“Do you like it?”

(He didn’t really know why he sounds so nervous. Maybe it was having a friend, a real friend, and doing something personal for them... or maybe it had to do with how fast his heart beat, watching you in that gigantic, shapeless dress)

“I love it! Thank you so much, Finn!”

From then on started one of the most wonderful friendships Finn would ever have, and what would bring a ray of light to the grim existence of a little boy in the midst of a global war

Despite the ration cards, despite the loneliness, despite the worry that tugged at his stoic aunt’s eyes for her son and nephews across the Channel... he found an unspeakable solace in your friendship

And one day, without a trace, you were gone

He knocked on your door; gone. He asked all the neighbors what had happened to the family that lived there; gone. He wrote you letters and sent them to the confines of England; gone. He got scolded by Polly for marking numbers at random on Tommy’s state-of-the-art telephone; gone.

Suddenly he was back to the bleak existence he had battled with before meeting you, and the hollow inside his chest only grew wider as the days went on, because he had no explanation as to what had happened to you, and worried every single day

Thankfully, the war ended not long after, and his brothers came back home, all alive and unscathed - well, for the most part

Fast forward more or less ten years, and much has changed in Finn Shelby’s life and in old Birmingham, but the memory of you still stugs at his heartstrings

One evening, he’s tasked by Arthur to run some errands, send a few messages, scout a few places; the most dangerous thing his older brothers will ever let him do

His task leads him to a bar in the center of town, one that pours its joyous light and music into the street outside; he’s there to meet with a client, arrange a meeting; nothing he’s hasn’t done already

But the evening takes a turn for the unexpected when he recognizes the girl sat alone at a table, enjoying the musicians’ jazz with an air of pure bliss on her face

It’s been ten years, of course, but... it’s unmistakable. That face, that silhouette, and the black ensemble from head to toe... and he’s always had a knack for remembering faces, especially those that mark him deeply

Suddenly he’s frozen on the spot, and he has forgotten why he came to the bar in the first place, what his target looks like - all he knows is you, and how beautiful you look in the dim light of the bar, and the undisclosed and unknown feelings he had for you at the time come flooding back.

Except this time, he understands, and he fears them, because he doesn’t have time for any of this, and it’s way too dangerous for you and him

But he can’t just pass you by and not say a word?

He swallows, hard.

And walks up to you.

“Y/N?”

You open your eyes, and your face flashes with recognition, and a little bit of pain as well. Even if you fled without a word, and left him hanging all these years, he’s incapable of rancor

“Finn... wow, you’ve changed so much.”

“You haven’t.”

He gestures at your face, your clothes, how you savor the music like the finest drink in the world, and you laugh and blush, sending his heart into overdrive

“Where were you all this time?”

“I’m so sorry, Finn... my brother died in the war, and... my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in Scotland. We were all destroyed by grief... I needed to get away.”

“Without explanation? Not even a word?”

“I wanted to write to you, so bad, but... I couldn’t remember your address. I couldn’t remember anything about Birmingham at all...”

He nods, slowly, in understanding.

The war opens wounds that never heal, even after all the most beautiful friendships and love stories in the world.

“But I’m really glad I found you.”

His heart is pounding in his throat. Maybe it’s a sign of destiny that he found you here, tonight, alone, and ready to welcome him back. Maybe it’s a word from fate, that you can never truly be apart.

So he takes the seat in front of you, and you smile, that shy but bright smile of yours, and he forgets all about his mission, his client, and his brothers.

They’ll have to understand.

800 follower sleepover

[unfoldingmoments]

5 hindrances to self-mastery

TEDxVitosha  by Master Shi Heng Yi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-079YIasck

It has been quite a privilege being able to grow up in two quite different ways of life.

I was born in Germany, and at the same time had the chance to learn more about an ancient art coming from the Shaolin Temple.

When you grow up in an Asian family,

it is quite common that firstly, you don't argue with your father, and secondly, you either become medical doctor, engineer, or lawyer.

Elsewise your parents will be very unhappy.

So having that said, I finished my academic education with two university degrees, an MBA, and quite a collection of different certificates and diplomas - everything that my parents thought would be useful to have.

But throughout this education, I felt something was missing. Because I was learning about many different aspects - how the plant is working, what an atom is made out of, how a political system is functioning, but somehow, the subject was missing to learn something about myself.

So with the age of four, for the first time

I got introduced into the monastic practices, and I was very happy to find out that the main part of these practices were dealing with the exploration and the discovery of yourself.

There was mental training, development of behavior combined with the physical training, all aspects of what nowadays is known as Shaolin Kung-Fu.

Now, despite the wishes of my parents to somehow go out in the market and try to manage the world, I decided to continue this monastic life and start learning more about myself first.

Now, in the preparation for this talk, I was asked to share a few words on what is important in this lifetime, and see,

it's already challenging to put 3 decades into a single talk.

But the picture I would like to show you summarizes very much what I consider as being valuable in this lifetime.

There is something about sharing with others.

There is something about connection.

There is the training and development of yourself.

It is to enjoy your time, even doing nothing.

And one main aspect is to find a way and do the things you like to do.

Now, when I received the invitation to have a talk at today's event,

especially under the slogan "High, Higher, Highest,"

something very particular came up on my mind, and a master from the Shaolin Temple once told me a story that I would like to share with you.

A man was living close to a mountain, and every day he was thinking:

How would it be to climb that mountain and what would I see on the peak?

So finally, the day came, and the man went on the journey.

Arriving at the foot of the mountain, he met the first traveler.

So he asked, "How did you get up the mountain, and what did you see from the top?"

And so the traveler shared his path, and also the view that he had.

But then the man was thinking,

"The way that this traveler described to me sounds very exhausting.

I need to find another way to climb."

So he continued to walk on the foot of the mountain until he met the next traveler.

So once again he asked, "How did you climb up that mountain, and what did you see from the top?"

And so again the traveler shared his story.

Still not being determined on which direction and which way to go, the man asked 30 more people, 30 more travelers.

When he finished talking to all of them, he finally made up his mind.

"Now that so many people already shared with me their paths and especially what they all saw from the top, I don't need to climb there anymore."

It is very unfortunate this man never went on the journey.

Now, to conclude this story, firstly, each individual needs to find the most suitable way to climb that mountain.

But secondly, there is information possible to be shared with words, but it is impossible to share the experience of clarity when you are standing on that peak by yourself.

To invest the right effort in climbing that peak,

it's very much what all the Buddhist practices, the Shaolin training, or any spiritual practice is about.

Clarity means you see more clear. When you see more clear, interrelations become more apparent.

When you see more clear, there is no need to believe anyone or believe anything. Seeing clear means you can distinguish for yourself which is the proper direction to take and which decisions do I have to make in order to make my goals or aspirations start to shape?

Now, at today's talk, you will have the chance to become inspired by quite a lot of different travelers.

But in this particular talk, I can't, and I won't tell you which way to go.

It's just that along your personal journey, you will encounter challenges.

Those challenges will either prevent you, or some of them even stop you, from moving on and climbing that mountain.

In the Shaolin Temple, we refer to them as "the five hindrances."

The 5 hindrances are describing different states of the mind.

In those states of the mind, it becomes very hard to see clearly and therefore engage in the right decisions.

1. The first hindrance is called "sensual desire." Sensual desire arises in the moment when you are paying attention to something that is giving you a positive emotion.

This positive emotion can originate from five gates of your body: Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, or feeling.

So in your mind, you climb up that mountain.

After one mile of walking, you discover a beautiful restaurant surrounded by beautiful people. You smell delicious food and the great variety of beverages.

When you follow that temptation, you have already lost your track. When this temptation becomes so strong that you don't want to leave that place anymore, then the sensual desire has turned into an obsession.

In both cases, remaining at that place means that you can't get clarity.

2. The second hindrance, "ill-will," describes the state of the mind that arises from negative emotions.

In that state of the mind, you have an aversion, a rejection, or simply a dislike against either an object, a situation, or can be even a person.

To simplify, it means: You are climbing the mountain, and it starts to rain, but you don't like rain.

You discover the roads are bumpy, but you don't like bumpy roads. In order to cross the river, you need to swim, but you don’t like swimming. Whatever it is that you dislike, it won’t make it a pleasant journey unless you learn to let go of this ill-will. It’s more likely even that you won't continue that journey.

3. The third hindrance originally translated as "sloth and torpor."

"Sloth" means it’s the heaviness of the body.

"Torpor" means it’s the dullness of the mind.

It is characterized by sleepiness, non-motivation, lack of energy, and oftentimes can manifest itself in a state of depression.

Now, a simile used in Buddhism describes it as "imprisonment."

You find yourself locked in a cell.

It becomes very hard to make any type of mental or physical effort.

So in order to continue your path, there is only one option left.

You need to find a way to get out from that hole, from that cell.

4. Now, the fourth hindrance is called "restlessness."

It is the state of an unsettled mind.

"Unsettle mind" means your mind cannot settle.

(Laughter) Settle where?

Settle in the present moment.

An unsettled mind either is worrying about the future or traveling into the past and rejecting, judging about an event that happened into your past.

A simile used here is the monkey mind, constantly jumping from one branch to another, unable to stay for too long time at the present moment. The problem is there is no time to see clearly anymore.

5. Now, the last of the five hindrances is called "skeptical doubt," and it's very closely related to a state of mind which is based on indecisiveness.

It is very easy in that state of mind getting lost in thoughts.

Can I do this?

Is this the right path?

What will the others say?

What if this? What if that?

The mind cannot synchronize with your own actions anymore.

And the result is that you are getting disconnected with the goals and aspirations that once you have set to yourself.

When the way is filled with too much doubts, more often you will stop instead of moving on.

That we know the 5 hindrances now, what are we going to do about them?

You need to align and structure your life in such a way to prevent those hindrances from arising.

If you are not successful, you need to use techniques in order to remove them. Each of these hindrances is placing the dark cloud on your mind, or on the way of your climb.

Simply remember one thing: Just let it rain.

This is a 4 step method to help you removing those hindrances.

1. The first step is recognize in what state of the mind you are finding yourself in.

[Recognize, Accept, Investigate, Non-Identity]

2. Afterwards, learn to accept, acknowledge, and allow the situation or a person to be the way how it is, to be the way how they are.

3. Investigate your emotional and mental state, and ask questions:

Why did it come up?

What is going to be the consequence if I remain in that state?

4. And ultimately, non-identification means:

It is the practice.

I am not the body.

I am not the mind.

I am not my emotion.

It's just that I can see all these three aspects about me.

All of our lifetimes, all of our lives are too unique to copy the path from someone else.

To bring meaning to your life, to bring value into your life, you need to learn and master yourself, and don't let the hindrances stop you.

If any of you chooses to climb that path to clarity, I would be very happy to meet you at the peak

[dis--parity]

@magickedhat​ | x.

『🔧』 The gift exhibits no particular lack of patience to their deliberation - only the weight it exerts on their arms as it’s picked up. With a proper feel of the object underneath the wrapping paper, its material becomes more apparent - a sleek metal, formed into sheets and notches that the wrapping paper so loosely conforms to. Maybe it wouldn’t have minded if Wren was a bit more reckless with their unpacking - but who’s to say? It’s just a thing. And that thing, unwrapped in all its glory, happens to be...!

A prosthetic left arm.

It’s painted in the hues of purple Wren is familiar with, coated in the motif of stars and nebulae loosely painted onto the metal. And, affixed to the wrist, in a frame where perhaps a larger apparatus may have once lay... a firework launcher. It even came with a few small fireworks - and there’s even some controls to safely operate it without having the arm attached - even to operate it remotely! But... there’s still that part that the end, that unique wiring pattern to connect to a certain receptacle that it lacked. And, engraved on the bottom, a signature - unmistakable in its serif font.

Alexandra Iskra-Cloutier – Robotsou Inc.

... the brand name, of course, being a mock-up, but still.

And then, there was the matter of the letter - which, upon its opening... would explain everything. Well, the sender certainly seemed to hope so, anyway.

Do you like it?

That’s right. I’m the one who’s been leaving gifts at your desk all this time. Given the circumstances, I had no way of knowing whether they were liked or appreciated - but I hope they at least brought you and Foxtrot a bit of joy.

It started out just after I met Foxtrot, and learned you two were together. I wanted to do something fun and nice for you two, help your relationship flourish that little bit more, you know. Believe me when I say I know what young love is like - nothing brings people together like a good mystery. I hope it had that effect.

But... as you can probably tell, I guess it’s become more of a form of reconciliation. I know I stayed nameless throughout it all, but I still wanted to show you that I cared about you and Fox. That I still value you and your friendship. I chose to remain anonymous in spite of this because... I just didn’t know how you’d react to learning it was me like that. I didn’t want you to think I was weird, or clingy, or possessive, or anything - and I’m sorry if that’s what it came off as, or if it’s doing that right now.

The arm you see before you is a modified version of the original flamethrower arm - I’ve re-engineered it into something just as flashy, but much safer and much more... legal. I figured you might appreciate it, as a memento of the good times we spent together. My final gift to you, at least under this guise.

Here’s the thing. I don’t know whether you still want to hear from me after what transpired between us - but at the very least, I wanted to let you know I still care about you and love you as a friend. I wanted to let you know I’m doing better since that incident, too - I took the issue to my therapist, and she’s been super helpful in helping me deconstruct what caused me to lash out at you like that. I’ve still got a long way to go in terms of figuring out a good way to vent, and managing a good relationship with anger, but I shouldn’t be blowing up at anyone anymore like I did with you.

And, most importantly... I wanted to sincerely,. explicitly apologise for what I did and said. You were the victim of something I failed to control, I lashed out at you and said mean-spirited things to you, all rooting from trauma that I’ve yet to completely heal from. You never deserved to be put through that, you received the brunt of the rage and emotion that should have been directed towards someone totally different, and I’m so, so sorry for that.

My optimistic hope is that you’ve recovered from that argument - or, at the very least, you’re willing to talk it out with me. But my fear - irrational as it may be - is that you haven’t, and as a result you never want to associate yourself with me or my baggage ever again. I’d understand if that was the case, honestly, but it goes against my hopes.

Again, this is nothing more than my way of saying that I still value you and your friendship. I just wasn’t sure if you felt the same way about the situation. If you don’t. and if the very text on this letter and what it offers repulses you, feel free to keep this arm around, as a memoir of what we once had and lost - or just discard it to a dusty corner of the circus if that’s what you want to do.

But, if my optimism works out for the better, and my worst worries aren’t true - come find me in the forest. We’ll talk it out from there, and maybe we can be friends again, if you want. You’ll know if I’m in there, trust me - and bring the arm, will you? It would only be right we celebrate us moving past this issue with a proper demonstration of this arm in the field.

The choice is yours - and I accept whatever it is.

Yours sincerely, Alexandra Alyssa Gale Iskra-Cloutier

[gallavictorious]

11x01 Reaction Post

Random thoughts on and reactions to 11x01; no careful analysis or anything, just the bits and pieces that's not likely to make it into meta proper but which I still want to make note of so I can go back later and remember what my initial reaction to the episode was (since my impressions are likely to change as the season unfolds). Mostly Gallavich related, because duh, but there's disordered rambling on a bit of everything. Under a cut (God I miss LJ sometimes) because this got long.

Ian looks damned good as the homocidal muscle. I don't do AU:s, but if I did... On the other hand, Frank as a member of the Chicago “Eight” looks like a werewolf. Less interested in that AU. And listen, I get that they couldn't get Emmy Rossum for this, but I really miss Fiona showing up in a few random olden day pictures. She's gone, but she's still a Gallagher dammit! Carl at the slaughter house looked weird – and part of me thought that was appropriate because slightly off editing would be a sweet way of communicating that it's all bollocks, but the rest of shots looked okay (Debbie as a milk maid and Frank as the aforementioned werewolf) or good (everything else) so no.

The sound of a baby crying is a horror matched only by persistent lack of sleep so I feel for Lip and Tami so much. Here's to all parents who managed to get through the first year without murdering anybody! I think that maybe you don't get enough credit... I, for instance, want to kill someone just hearing Freddie cry in the background for half a minute. Not sure it bodes too well for their relationship for them to be so ready to spend every night apart like Lip suggests, but a, what wouldn't you do for a good night's sleep, and b, love the thought of Lip spending more time at the old house. Could see them breaking up during the course of the season, though. Not sure how I feel about that – Tami's my favourite out of Lip's love interests, but having too many of the couples staying together all through the finale wouldn't feel quite right (for Shameless) and I don't see them breaking up Ian and Mickey or Kev and V. Don't really expect Sandy or Debbie to last either, but since it's more of a casual thing it might have more of a casual end.

Do you remember when the promo dropped and there was Concern about That Look on Ian's face after he kisses Mickey, and I tag theorized about it being because Mickey stole his coffee? Turns out there wasn't really A Look in the actual episode, but I sure as hell was right about the coffee, and I want noted somewhere. Maybe there should also be a small diploma? A golden statue seems a little over the top, but I mean, if you insist...

I appreciate that Ian is very adament about it being their money but when Mickey thinks it's their breakfast it's suddenly every man for himself. Do you share or not, Ian? Hmm? (Let the record show that I'm joking, please. Ian is damned right to take his toast back, and I say this as a “person most likely to steal their partner's toast right out of their hand”. I also love that Mickey completely gives up on breakfast when he can't have Ian's toast and just grabs a beer instead.) The kitchen scene is glorious and I just really like their dynamic here; the casual kiss, “I only make breakfast for husbands who have jobs”, how relaxed it is even when Ian's a bit annoyed, Mickey being so... Mickey. I do wonder what went through his head when Ian started talking about their wedding present money, though – he seems worried for a moment, but then shrugs it off, and that could be either bravado or just actual lack of concern. I tend mostly towards the latter, since Mickey quite genuinely figures this isn't a big deal (even though he still recognizes that Ian will probably think it one). Please note that he immediately offers to get money when Ian mentions that they need more of it coming in. Not his fault Ian vetoes his methods, right? (Also love that Ian's objection is due to him not wanting to be separated from Mickey, rather than any moral qualms about robbing stores.)

Okay, the gag ball. Would they really keep it like that if they were actually using it? Maybe either of them just tossed it there after taking it off, I suppose... Yeah, I don't know. Not what I'd imagined them being into, but that might be my own extreme lack of enthusiasm for gag balls and harnesses talking. Either they're into it and if so, you do you, boys, or it was a gift and they're keeping it around and semi-prominently on display for shits and giggles. (But if it was a gift, they did try it at least once, right?)

Mickey in the bath remains stupidly and surprisingly gorgerous. Incidentally, I really don't think his question about the meds is any indication of him not thinking them important, but there's little wonder that Ian bristles at the mention of them. Maybe not be an ass just to prove a point, eh, Mick?

I've already talked about how hard Ian is trying here but let's just take another moment to congratulate our boy on his persistent attempts at mature communication. Though he might have given some actual consideration to Mickey not wanting to save the money if he's really serious about them making decisions together... But he gets there! I think this whole situation – which would royally piss most people, including me, off – is actually particularly difficult for Ian, because he might well see Mickey's behavior as uncomfortably reminiscent of Frank and Monica's destructive habits and yeah, that would fuck him up. And still! He forces himself to calm down! He takes Mickey's hand! He refuses to let himself be distracted by Mickey looking SO INSANELY PRETTY I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND IT! Ian, I salute you!

[starwars_eu_nerd_mode]KORRIBAN! YES! HA! TAKE THAT DISNEY! You take your new so-called “canon” and your “Moraband” and you fuck right off. I salute you, Bitcoin Boy![/starwars_eu_nerd_mode]

Ah, the porch scene... This one I do have a bunch of thoughs on that will probably make it into meta proper one day, so I'll leave it for now. It was the one that took the most thinking about for me to square (still not a lot, it should be noted), but now I'm actually very happy about it. (Full disclosure: none of their scenes feel quite right the first time I see them these days, because I'm just so very on edge about what's to come that I kind of miss the forest for all the trees you know? It's not a Shameless thing – it's always like this when I'm extremely invested in something and have waited for it for some time. Will it fit with how I see the characters? Will it be cringey? Will Mickey suddenly profess a love for hideous Hawaii shirts? Also, what are they saying because English is hard... But then I watch them a couple of times and they sink in and I start to get giddy over them. I guess watching actual canon unfold always requires a little bit of re-calibration if you've been busy fanoning while waiting for it to arrive, and while I love that sort of interpretative work, there’s also the fear that the show will veer off into a direction I cannot easily follow.)

Mickey's insistence that he spelled monogamy wrong does genuinely amuse me. Not to mention the whole “No more parking tickets for me!” - “You don't have a car, dumbass.” Also, Mickey being friendly with Carl kills me, in a good way. Family FTW!

Frank's storyline fails to stir even the vaguest hint of interest in me, as per usual. For all his talk of family in this episode, the lack of interaction with any of his kids is striking. If he's to have any value at all this season I'll need him to get involved in the rest of the Gallagher's storylines (which seems like it might be happening at least for a bit later on, so I'm vaguely hopeful?). I find but faint intrigue in Carl's and Debbie's stuff, but it doesn’t annoy me either so I'll call it a win. Kev and V are (almost) always a delight, but do anyone else feel like their kids are only props, even to them? I don't know... I just don't think there's a connection or sense of realness to their relationship, you know? Maybe it's just me... Anyway, here's to hoping V turning pageant mom changes all that! Oh, and I'll need Liam to have some more screentime and stuff to do.

The Tommy and Kermit thing was weird. Eh. Whatever.

Sandy is so gorgerous. I can't. The Milkoviches really be bringing it this episode.

This is only the second season I've watched episode by episode as it airs (other one was S6) and it's a curiuos experience. I think that by and large, and particularly in later seasons, Shameless works better when you binge it, but I love the delightful anticipation of waiting for a new episode and the feverent discussion that follows. Sometimes I also despair over the ferverent discussion that follows, but... you know. It is what it is. Admittedly, any attempts at meta this early in the season is a precarious venture at best, since we don't have the whole story, and it might be wiser to abstain but it's just so much fun, so I'm not very likely to stop.

All in all, I love the Gallavich stuff, am intrigued by Lip & Tami and Kev & V's lives, okay with whatever Debbie and Carl's got going on, hot for Sandy, bored by Frank, and missing Liam. It sets up a lot of promising things, but as an episode all unto itself it felt a bit empty – probably because there were no real plots and the storylines didn't intersect as much as I would have liked them to. Shameless is best when it's about family, which both the show and Frank seems to recognize, but there's little narrative follow-through on that realization in this episode; everyone is pretty much doing their own thing. Adored the Lip and Ian convo, and that house party scene was wonderful, but so short. Think we'll get more of all of them together going forward, though, and more actual plots too, so I'm very excited about it all. Can't wait for Sunday!

[writers-craft]

I can see him out of the corner of my eye drinking from the running river. Is he god greeting me in a form my eyes can perceive him, or is he my mother reincarnated? My father is, or rather was, not a man capable of returning to this earth as something as strong as a stag; a cat who chases mice and roams the world all on his lonesome might be an animal more suitable for a man such as him, such as me. I shall keep my eyes open for a cat on my journey. Mother is more than capable of being such an animal, though anything as sturdy, anything so beautiful in nature has the ability to be her. She spent her life thinking reincarnation silly, unnatural at times, so she might laugh at the thought of deer being anything but creatures. If he is god, then, please, spare me—kill me now and allow my spirit to restart. I should love to become a cat, to wander the world so empty headed. In any case, I remain still as I await his judgement. His head lifts as he finishes his drink and he observes his surroundings. A bird cries in the very near distance, but it does not startle him in the same way it startles me. We lock eyes for a moment and I blink, then avert my eyes away. My father’s gun is at my hip with only one bullet gone from it, but I do not dare kill such a creature; my wooden bow, made from poor oak tied with a string that could snap at any use, proves meager in this moment. But, again, I do not wish to harm him. I do not wish to harm anything. That is why I shall return as a cat, or perhaps something even less grand in the animal kingdom, and why mother here has returned as a stag. I no longer think he is god.

A gunshot blows, and then another, and another, nearby. I jump slightly at the noise it makes. It is not my father’s gun nor am I bleeding out from my small and fragile body, but it does startle the stag enough he hurries back into the wilderness before I can even set my eyes on him again. The birds all flee to the air where it is safest; someone is heard shouting, yelling, and then laughing. Dog begins barking at their chaos, emerging from its resting place beneath a large bush, its ears perked up and tail twirled high to assure he is alert. He is a brown dog with white patches all around his fur. His personality is dull and very disobedient. Why he has followed me all this way is beyond my knowledge. I order him to settle; he does not listen until, finally, the culprit emerges from tangled branches and dog cowers back into his safety bush. All bark, no bite.

His tunic is stained red and blood drips from his hands. A fawn is hanging from his shoulder. I refuse to call him a man, but he might refer to himself as such. I see only a more extreme version of myself: a boy with too much power in this world. He is tall, much taller than I will ever be, and falsely beautiful. His gun is already aiming at me as I stumble for my bow. But if he wanted me dead, then I would be chasing mice by now.

“Calm down,” he says, slightly lowering his gun. Still, I hold onto my bow so tightly it might snap. The river’s voice is all that sings; the rest of nature is silent. “You know how to use that?” he asks, pointing with his gun at the bow in my hands. His voice is deep and full of heavy breath. I nod my head, despite my instinct to run from him. “What about that?” he asks, pointing at my father’s gun. Again, I lie and say that I do, but the only sort of hunting I am familiar with is fishing, and even at that I am poorly. My small form, my pale skin, my loose fitting clothing told anyone with sense, including me, I will die come winter. Then I shall become the cat I am always meant to become.

The fawn slips slightly from his shoulder and he lifts it back up with little difficulty. More blood seeps out of the animal and onto his clothing. He remains unbothered, both by me and by the dead being. The bow drops from my hands and onto the dirt. He glows like an angel might in the sunlight, but his beauty is untrue, false in the correct moments. He puts away his gun and offers me his hand. I take it and he lifts me to my feet. “And have you killed anyone yet?” he asks as I brush the dirt off my jeans.

My gaze turns to the bow abandoned on the ground. I see his face when I close my eyes. His laughter echoes in my thoughts when I try to sleep. In this moment, and many moments before, and I am certain many moments after, I am unable to find my words, so I nod again—I doubt this false image of light believes me, and I refuse to look at him to read his face.

His hand cups my shoulder hard, squeezes tightly, and I stumble slightly. “There’s a motel nearby—a bunch of us are staying there,” he tells me. I finally look up. The fawn is sliding down again; he lets me go to adjust his posture and rearrange it on his shoulder. He says his name is Freyr. The fawn is dinner. I am outnumbered ten to one, and his friends are just a call away. “You’re not a man of many words, are you?” he asks when I say nothing.

“I’m not a man at all.”

He hums. He does not understand. “We’re burning bodies tonight,” he says as if it were an ordinary thing to say. The bombs fell and the air, though it remained clear and breathable, became poisoned—and the rest of humanity followed suit. People began to die; first, the sick and the elderly, and then everyone else started going. The children will be last, they say. The poison promises a slow, agonizing death. The only question is when will it occur, and will we join those burning bodies or will someone we love have the strength to bury us? “You don’t really want to be outside when we do.”

No, no I do not.

It has been three days since I left home. The scent of the stag’s perfume is what I remember most about her. When she started to smell, I gave her a few puffs of it each day—but soon even vanilla and roses could not mask the scent of her rotting flesh. The smell became too much, and I have little strength to give her a proper burial. Remaining residents and ransackers all alike prevented me from burning her out, like most have done. I refuse to have my final moments alone with her dragging her lifeless body down a dozen flights of stairs. Instead, I placed flowers near her painted feet, kissed her goodbye one last time, and left forever with father’s gun on my belt and as much food from our pantry my bag could carry. I remember when she was alive, she often yelled at me from our window to come up for dinner, or to grab my coat, or to come help her with the laundry, or to do something that seems so foreign now. I half expected her corpse to spring to life and do the same as crossed the street, but the window was closed, boarded up, quiet; she had already reached her next life.

I reach down to pick up the ugly bow, but he already has it in his possession by the time I stand upright again. He examines it with intrigue. And in this moment, the moment I relive with you now, I realize he can probably break it with his thumb and I would be powerless. It is an object I know little about, but I do not know what my reaction might be if it were to be destroyed in front of me. The fawn slips again, but he lifts it back into place with little attention to his action. And his eyes dart quickly to the gun at my hip.

“Word of advice,” he says—he tosses the bow back to me, but my hands fumble and it falls back again onto the ground. “Grab your gun next time.”

He watches me as I gather the little belongings I have. My bag is heaviest as it contains mostly food, toiletries, and a few crafted arrows made from bent sticks found along the way, though I doubt I will have much use for them. Again, I know little about archery and experience has only taught me such a lousy bow, no matter how much I put value to it, will have little power when I am in need of it most. Dog still remains hidden away, perhaps miles away by now, too cowardly to face his fears. I am not a coward, I know that much, but I am far from being brave.

Freyr leads me up a dirt path and onto an empty black road surrounded by only nature. I hear his friends shouting in the distance, and something aching resides in my stomach. Near us is a dirty white sign saying: “Motel,” with a simple drawing of a bed underneath and an arrow pointing left of us. I have to jog to keep up with him.

[kangaracha]

tell me about your ocs tho

you asked for this

so it’s been like, a while, since i really looked at my ocs outside of zombies, and also my work with the most proper ocs for zombies isn’t published yet, so i’m just going to do the three from other fandoms that i have big fics for and if you wanna hear about my little zombies ocs you can ask about em. okay. okay.

this is also really hard cause these characters go through so much change over the course of these fics, and i’m trying not to give away spoilers xD i will try. my best.

the OG. the one and only. the working-through-your-teenage-frustrations character. i love her.

IMOGEN HAYLOCK

mcu -  read sparrow

so the thing with imogen is that i wanted to do something different to the other oc fics I’d seen so far in this fandom. which is not to say those fics were bad or anything, i love them, i just want to be different. I was interested in writing a character that was like....not the perfect fit for the avengers, or the girl that got along with everyone, and then i saw TWS and related media (lookin at you, agents of shield), and i was like, ‘okay but if you were just hydra by name and working by shield values and principles all that time, and then suddenly you had to get up and kill your coworkers....’ and imogen Began.

i find her interesting for her wit and dry humour, her sarcasm and her big attitude - but also, her frustration with life, the deep-cut anger that she’s carrying with her like a rock, her struggle with self-worth and the way she presents herself to the world, and her complete average-ness in a place where everyone is exceptional. she’s nothing special - she’s just skating by, actually, she’s a high school dropout and on probation as a shield agent, and she’s really only off the streets because hydra value her as an object that might hold some valuable information related to a twenty year old cold case that doesn’t even have any relevance anymore in the grand scheme of things.

in sparrow, she finds something to relate to in clint barton - avenger, but also human disaster zone, making things up on the fly, most overlooked superhero of the century, completely regular guy with one unusual skill. she has to learn to be open to change and to want to be a good person, instead of an angry, ignorant person who will blindy follow whatever order she’s given and pick fights with anyone that disagrees with her. she also realises a lot of things that she should have realised sooner - that what’s left of her family is toxic as hell, that she’s been blindy following the forces of evil for years, that she doesn’t have to be an angry child from a broken home anymore, and that there’s a whole, scary world out there waiting for her and she can go and find anything she wants.

the rest of the trilogy, flicker and swift, follow her finding her way in the world, figuring out who she’s going to be and what she’s going to do, which is very relatable to me rn. it’s like therapy. flicker is also a great opportunity for me to have a crack at writing a romance as a side plot, and getting to let this character grow and realise her own self-worth and that yes, she can actually love and be loved in lots of different ways, is so satisfying. swift is just the icing on the cake, swift is her coming into her power, in her own way, it’s her looking back and realising that she’s changed her life and that she could do it after all, it’s a satisfying ending, i promise. i’m going to share it with you one day.

the slaughter of the lambs is kind of the sequel to the very first ac game that i always wanted and never got - except it’s not about altair because. i’m ~special~. the fic is set 20 years after the game, in the Levant, and is split into 4 parts spanning most of marwa’s lifetime, starting in 1211 AD and ending in 1257 AD and following her through the golden era of the assassin’s and the brotherhood’s downfall. it’s canon complaint, but runs like....canon adjacent. it’s its own story.

MARWA ABADI

assassin’s creed - read the slaughter of the lambs

marwa begins this story as a novice training in masyaf, the only female assassin in all of the levant. she’s raw and half-trained, never seen combat, her strength and ability put into doubt every day - but she’s talented too, and she works twice as hard as the boys, determined to prove everyone wrong. she’s tough and scrappy because she has to be to survive in the world she’s put herself in, and just a little too self-confident, which leads her to a downfall but also an important learning curve about wit and wisdom and loyalty, and the importance of striking a balance between free will and service to a cause. 

the rest of the story follows these themes on through the times of most upheaval in her life, as she struggles with following the creed and the beliefs of the assassin order and playing her role as a soldier for this cause, and with doubt and acting in accordance with her own personal morals and beliefs, which as time goes on and the assassin’s change, she finds do not always align. she has a strong sense of right and wrong and a strong character to back this up, and she strives throughout her life to become wise like her mentors were and to guide the world as best she can towards the right kind of future, as an assassin is supposed to. 

i wrote this character to explore the idea of being a servant to a higher order, to being faceless and lost to time and serving your cause knowing that, and how you find peace with giving your life over to that. especially coming from this day and age, when everything is recorded and everyone wants to be remembered for something, i found this interesting to explore. as marwa developed as a character, the other things came; her struggle with blind loyalty and festering doubt and the careful balance that she needs to strike between them, the folly of youth and the wisdom that she gains as she grows older, and the struggle of being a woman living in a male-dominated period of history and dedicating herself to a craft usually reserved for men. 

the first thing you need to understand about this fic, and this character, is that this is the therapy fic. this is me working through my own issues, but like also add +10 drama so that it’s interesting. and a romance plot, because i need the practise.

ANGIE SOMMARS

pokemon - read to go beyond your borders

angie’s story is mostly a sword/shield fic, though i borrowed some characters and stuff from diamond/pearl. the timelines are not canon. it’s set the year after the events of sw/sh, in galar. it follows angie through the gym challenge and her own personal conflicts, of which she has a laundry list. the fic finds her freshly arrived in galar from her home region in sinnoh, having run away from her responsibilities and the pressure of them at home looking for some kind of answer to her problems, or reassurance that she’s still good at what she does.

angie’s main conflict centres around her being the champion of the sinnoh league, a talented and experienced pokemon trainer sitting painfully exposed in the public eye. she struggles hugely with the reality of this position, and all the expectations that are put up to the person that holds it - she’s expected to be the strongest trainer in the region, to keep up a positive public image as the figurehead of the pokemon league, to be on the job most days of the year and ready for whatever it might throw at her. there’s always someone pushing her to be better, to present herself the way they think she should - and she’s used to being pushed and to being shaped, but there’s only so far you can bend a person before they will break.

angie is burnt out. she’s been in the public eye since she was five years old and competing in pokemon contests, and she’s far from the perfect princess of the league. her mistakes follow her around like a black cloud, creating controversy every time she reaches a new goal and drawing more and more bad press every time she messes something up. she doesn’t know what her own goals are anymore, and she doesn’t know where to go from the platform she’s found herself stranded on - she’s clinging to a position she’s too afraid to admit she doesn’t want anymore, and she’s scared to fall, or to break, or to look out to different horizons.

angie’s story explores the double-edged sword of fame and fortune, the satisfaction of being the best but also the scrutiny people place you under, the impact of ‘cancel culture’ on an individual, depression and anxiety and the endless circles of guilt in a toxic family environment...but also the hope of finding new horizons and finding the courage to take those first steps into the future that you want. it’s a coming of age kind of story, it’s young people finding their feet and new friends and new dreams and supporting each other through hard times. and it all ends well, which, to me, is the most important thing.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

mini rant

I just need to get this out because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to without bothering/burdening/smothering them. I also don’t want to go to counseling anymore because it wasn’t doing enough for me.

Anyway, without giving too much detail and trying to be direct while being indirect:

Some people may wonder why I can tolerate Arkhamverse Riddler, especially in Arkham Knight, because he can be very obnoxious. Well, short story is, I totally get where he’s coming from. He grew up with an unloving, abusive parent (his father), which left him deeply insecure, unable to form meaningful relationships, and caused him to become anti-social and immature. 

I don’t think it was just one instance of his father abusing him, either, which is the only “solid” evidence we get in the Aslyum tapes. I mean, I’ve been through it, I definitely have a lot of the same issues (minus the violent tendencies and need to insult everyone), and there’s no way one singular instance would result in such neurotic behavior -- especially this long-lasting. 

I check a lot of the same boxes as Arkhamverse Riddler:

Extremely poor social skills

Inability to form healthy, lasting relationships

Childish mentality (Although, Arkhamverse Eddie is way worse in this regard)

Deeply insecure (he tries to hide it, and I don’t)

Need for approval and recognition after being denied both for so long. 

He was bullied (sadly, I can’t picture him NOT being bullied in school), and while I wasn’t bullied much at all, I did get ignored a lot by my peers and could never relate to them. So, there is this lack of trust in others and paranoia. Pretty sure Arkhamverse Edward has serious trust issues, and being outed by his peers growing up would most likely contribute to this.

Valuing inanimate objects over people. I mean, come on. Eddie loves his tech more than he loves anyone, and I pretty much coddle my collectibles and gaming PC. A serious lack of emotional connection to people has always been there.

Bitter and petty behavior; unable to let grudges go.

A need to be perfect and superior in every way even though it’s not possible, but the mental need to obtain the unobtainable is too great.

Easily overwhelmed and agitated

Desperate need for control and order. Chaos and anything out of the ordinary routine can be extremely upsetting.

Obsessive behavior/OCD, hyperfixation on certain things (which is why I seriously wonder if I have some form of Autism. No, really, I do have some of the behaviors)

Also like Arkhamverse Eddie, I’m just as terrible at being in control of my life and acting like a proper adult. I focus on the wrong things, get confused and overwhelmed easily, am terrified to confront my fears and often procrastinate doing key tasks, and I have a hell of a time forming friendships (don’t even get me started on romantic relationships). I don’t accept failure, either, and it’s usually much more traumatic for me emotionally than it should be.

I really get the need to feel validated, which is what Arkhamverse Edward truly seeks, I think (or it’s one of the top things that he seeks). When you’ve been undermined, let down, lied to, abused, ignored, overwhelmed, denied, belittled, and used so often in life, you feel...well, you feel worthless, you feel like you don’t exist, and when you do feel like you exist, it’s when you do something wrong. 

I’m 34 years old, and I endured emotional and verbal abuse for 2/3rds of my life. And it’s still not much better even now. I’m tired. I’m really, really tired. Maybe I deserve this misery for being a petty bitch with random moments of egocentrism and materialistic obsessions. I don’t know. I want a break, need a break, want to go live somewhere isolated and be a hermit, only going out when I absolutely have to and pretending the world doesn’t exist. 

Seriously, if I could obtain this “dream goal” right now, I’d fucking take it. I’d be like, “Bye, I’m done, don’t speak to me or my pets every again” then gone. Sure, it doesn’t fix any of my mental health problems, but so far, I haven’t been able to “recover,” and perhaps I can’t or maybe I just don’t want to because it’s exhausting to have to face problems upfront with no real backup.

Anyway, that’s enough of that. Off to continue living this ridiculous life I have created(?) for myself.