#so it was nice to recently go through it on andrew. me and my sibling two manned this four wizard dungeon and getting to strategize was fun

[meringuejellyfish]

not really a greek mythology guy but recently went through mount olympus again on andrew (recently turned level 30+) and ive just been thinking about it because its just so delightful and fun. theyre all birds... what more could you ask for. apollo is a chicken and his name is pronounced like how you would pronounce chicken in spanish ( ah-pollo -> ah-poyo) like its just so specifically silly. they were all given wizard101 last name/titles aswell (athena battle sight, apollo bright one, ares savage spear, zeus sky father)

also have been thinking about cheating bosses in this game as of late and think the cheats within this instance were also just really well executed. theyre not even overly complicated. i like that ares has his “you dare strike me directly?” cheat where you have to use aoe (attack all enemy) spells ONLY otherwise he’ll get to attack you for free. and then zeus’ cheat “you hesitate too much!” which gets triggered if you use a 6+ pip spell (which is honestly just funny to me. at around level 30 you only just learned 5 pip spells so this is to poke at higher levels going through this instance) and then he attacks you also. twice if the cheat is triggered by a shadow spell. i just think this is one of the best example of instances with well thought out cheating bosses and difficulty :-) strategizing and actually pulling through because of strategizing was really rewarding

[wildpeachfarm]

this is meant lighthearted : instead of “all men are trash, women do no wrong” a secret third thing “PEOPLE suck in general”

as someone who grew up with an absent father who tried to make life difficult for my mother once she took him to court for child support for me and my siblings - ing…I grew up with a not nice view of older men BUT my grandpa was a big big influence in not making men a negative experience for us.

the recent shift of the last 4-5 years has been worrying. I used to liked jkr and could emphasize where she was coming from originally. but it was scary to see the gradual descent into where she is now and the stuff she is saying. Bc she is so far removed from what she originally stood for. It can happen to anyone, I even get worried if I’m on that slope sometimes. This whole situation had me second guessing myself bc I gave gnf time and believed in him. I had a moment when a few female creators made remarks (not from mc community) and I checked myself bc I was scared I was falling into the conservative rhetoric to blame women and protect men. Then I saw others who had more information and actually looked into it and also found this blog where the nuances were being discussed and let out a breath of relief that I was just using my critical thinking skills lmao

There are so many men out there who just aren’t given a chance bc society is set up for them to fall into a certain role. And I think a lot of men are trying to break that role and stereotypes. I became a dream fan bc I saw him doing this, saw a gamerboy in 2020 who was passionate and excelled at the game but didn’t fall into the toxicity of the space, actively fought against it.

and women should not be encouraged to drag men through hell bc they feel empowered by the rhetoric of recent years. women can and are just as selfish and shitty people as men. Sometimes they are worse

we’ve gone so far off center, we’ve essentially gone from one extreme to another. Which I learned two years ago was called terfs 😂 the movement needs to go back to its previous meaning. Feminism is not solely female empowerment it is the deconstructing of the patriarchal roles and belief that push men and women into boxes. Feminism, as I was taught over a decade ago, was the fight for women and MEN to be equal and have the same rights and opportunities. We can uplift women without putting down men. if this feminist movement doesn’t correct itself, it will allow more men like andrew tate to grow and influence young men.

The lack of female representation in the sphere cannot be corrected by women. It just can’t. Men need to be part of the change bc if the environment is not corrected, women cannot succeed and thrive. They can become successful but the hate and obstacles directed towards them is crazy. This is in general not just for streaming.

It can’t just be women solidarity, men need to learn and actively engage in calling out misogynist behavior. Women need to talk with their males friends and call them out when they say or act in disgusting ways. Women need to hold women accountable as well! It is unfair and unattainable to put female equality solely in the hands of women. We need to All work together.

Puffy is so good at this when she streams, especially on the smp. Hell, she even created a whole villain arc to call out the people telling her to “be a therapist to Tommy, omg your like dreams mom”. Puffy is awesome 🥹

men =/ bad

women =/ good

PREACH ANON

this breaks it all down so well and i really sympathize with you about having a poor view of some men in your life and trying to not let that influence your views but also not go so far off the other end that you end up blindly defending them without critical thinking.

Really important discussions and introspection about how your thought processes work that I think everyone should have at least once when situations like this come up

[bridgertonbabe]

Ranking the Rokesby Series

So after recently reading all 4 Rokesby books, here’s my ranking of them;

1. The Girl With The Make-Believe Husband

Cecilia and Edward’s love story has to be my favourite from the sheer drama of it all. This book has everything; the hero suffering from amnesia, the heroine pretending to be his wife, a brother MIA, falling in love over correspondence, a strawberry-induced allergic reaction, and the ever beloved “there’s only one bed” trope. I also think Cecilia and Edward’s book is my favourite of the Rokesby series because while reading it I felt as though it was a bit Benophie-coded, due in part to the heroine having to go by an alternate identity of sorts and the hero not being any the wiser right up until the last few chapters (though to be fair Edward is suffering from memory loss - Benedict is just an idiot lmao). 

2. The Other Miss Bridgerton

Andrew and Poppy are next and while I initially thought Billie was as chaotic a Bridgerton as her nieces and nephews, it turns out drama and scandal is simply a Bridgerton family trait, as proven by Poppy when she manages to get kidnapped by privateers. Andrew makes for the perfect charmingly cheeky hero and he definitely reminded me a lot of Colin especially with his inability to stay in one place for too long yet coming to a point where he desired more from life. I enjoyed the witty back and forth between the pair but also how closely they bonded through their deeper conversations and how their attraction became more and more palpable as the story progressed. I genuinely didn’t expect the drama that would ensue upon their arrival in Portugal but it made for a pleasant surprise and appropriately raised the stakes for them to realise just how much they meant to each other. 

3. Because Of Miss Bridgerton

Now while I did thoroughly love George and Billie’s love story they’ve ended up ranking third only because there was so much drama in the above books in stark contrast. Again, I can’t help but compare the Rokesby series with the Bridgerton series and in doing so it’s so abundantly clear that this story is Kanthony-coded; from the enemies-to-lovers trope between two respective eldest siblings, the alleged supposition among the other characters that Billie is destined to end up with one of George’s brothers (even though it’s quite obvious that the supporting players are all lowkey side-eyeing the pair throughout), and even a game of Pall Mall featuring the mallet of death. While it could be viewed as an italicized version of Kanthony; TVWLM is one of Julia Quinn’s best stories for a reason so fuck it, why shouldn’t it be echoed? 

4. First Comes Scandal

And just because Georgie and Nicholas’s story is ranked fourth doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it; again, purely based off of drama, this book simply wasn’t as wildly dramatic as it’s three predecessors. I loved the Muppet baby cameos of young ABC but if anything I loved it too much because I wanted more of them, plus I was a little disappointed that we never saw Edmund’s reaction to his best friend becoming engaged to his younger sister; did he get mad, was he shooketh, or did he find it a bit funny? For me the journey to Scotland dragged on a little more than I would have liked though I did enjoy reading how Georgie and Nicholas slowly fell for each other and transitioned from being friends to lovers (plus it was a nice touch having their first time being both of their first times; it gave their love scene a fresh dynamic from the rest of Regency couples’ first times).  

[thefanficmonster]

Just Another One

Sequel to: ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’

Corpse Husband x Actress!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Mention of bad past relationships, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: They keep proving each other right in the most wrong ways possible. They each want to be guarded even if that means the other will be hurt. Maybe that’s what they want - to hurt one another because they’ve already hurt each other once before.

Requested by the lovely readers who enjoyed the previous fic ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’. Sorry for the large time gap between the posting of the two fics but I still hope you guys will take the time to read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love you all with all my heart, Vy ❤

When you go out of your way to avoid leaving the house your options of entertainment are severely limited and you can’t blame anyone or anything but yourself for it. Today, I wouldn’t have gone out of my apartment even if I was one of those people who frequent the outdoors seeing as how the sky is trying to flood the Earth with all this nonstop rain. It does set a mood for a perfect night in but when you spend all your nights in doing the same thing over and over again, the atmosphere is practically meaningless. And so I ‘ve decided to resort to channel surfing as though I’ll find something interesting on TV that I haven’t yet seen on one of my social media timelines.

I pass several cooking channels on my journey, making a mental note of their individual numbers in case I don’t stumble across anything capable of better distracting me from my boredom and loneliness that’s slowly starting to creep in. I pass by a few movie channels showing teenage romcoms as if to celebrate the start of summer so you can imagine how quickly I moved on from those. Then come the celebrity channels which can often get a laugh out of me because of how pathetic and unbelievably ridiculous they are. And so, I stick around one where there’s a broadcast on a movie showing that’s happening tonight in LA. Oddly enough, despite my anxiety, going to a movie showing has always been on my list of things I’d want to do. This can be considered living vicariously or rubbing salt into the wound that I’ll probably never go because my anxiety and fear of being recognized is too severe. Either way I stick around to watch it.

And man do I regret it now looking at several different angels of a couple of actors entering the venue where they are to be photographed and asked questions by the mob of paparazzi that’s gathered due to the massive event. That in and of itself doesn’t sound - and really isn’t - so bad. However, it’s important to note that the actress in this duo is Y/N. Y/N L/N. My Y/N....shit, sorry, I mean my FRIEND Y/N, her arm linked with whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is who is holding an umbrella above the both of them, shielding them from the downpour of rain that is also taking place in LA apparently.

“The two were seen entering the venue earlier this evening, looking particularly cozy in each other’s presence if I do say so myself. The rain probably worked nicely in their favor.“ The first reporter says, her teasing tone of voice sending chills of anger down my spine as I glare at the screen, hands balled in fists, jaw clenched - all my body’s instinctive reactions to what is being shown to me. I know I technically have no right to behave or feel this way, in fact I should be fucking happy for Y/N and her successful career and the progress in her love life. But damn it how can I?! I was so damn close to kissing this girl! I was so fucking close to falling in another trap, tripping and landing in the embrace of another liar and user, another girl who switches partners more often than shoes. How could I’ve been so reckless to get so close to her even platonically? How did we become close enough for me to 1) show her my face; 2) start inviting her over to my apartment regularly; and how didn’t I notice the kind of messed up person she was all that time.

She was all sweet and flirting and shit a week or so ago and now she’s doing the exact same thing with him! The cameras are capturing them perfectly: every laugh, every exchange of a knowing look or nod, ever smack to his arm when he tells a joke. But what bothers me most is the many times he’s wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer. Not just for pictures, but just because the fucker felt like it! And Y/N doesn’t seem to mind it at all. 

“They have been the talk of the town recently, so while they could just be adding fuel to the fire, they could also have been caught by the flame and ‘caught feelings’ as they say. Regardless these two are a view we’d like to see more often.“ The other reporter says and that’s the final straw.

In one swift motion I turn the TV off and throw the remote across the room. It hits the wall and falls to the ground in several pieces, broken by the force of the impact. Just like I am broken by the force of the impact of these news. I don’t know which is worse: the fact that I fell for her and almost let her know it; the fact that she’s just another member of the club I don’t want anywhere near my life; or the fact that I can’t believe it.

Yeah that’s right - one foolish part of me refuses to believe that’s she’d do such a thing. I think that’s the same part which is still in awe of her so you can bet I ignore that part the majority of the time.

She is just another one. Not the one. Having been hurt before doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me or anyone else she’s gonna be with. Hurt people hurt people.

And damn has she hurt me, probably without knowing a damn thing. How selfish can you be, Y/N? How selfish can you really get? And how much am I going to allow you to hurt me?

                                                             *  *  *

“Thank you so much, Andrew. I would’ve died on the spot of anxiety if I was on my own.“ I say to my best friend who is currently sitting next to me on a park bench, in a tux, eating a cheeseburger. I too am still in my gown and am also gorging on a cheeseburger of my own.

“Don’t mention it. Us anxious people need to stick together.“ He bumps his shoulder against mine, stealing a small genuine smile from me, “Plus I couldn’t not come with you. You know how much I like a good rumor.“

I scoff, “Of course you do, but then again there was no need to add to what the media has already made a whole-ass ship out of.” I roll my eyes and take another bite. My appetite hasn’t been in its best condition so I’m only eating this under Andrew’s orders. I have no idea how people can ship us romantically, he’s the definition of an older - and very bossy - brother to me. I wish I could tell each and every single one of those girls who hate me because I’ve ‘stolen their man’ that I’d most likely be their sister in law rather than man snatcher, seeing as how my relationship with Andrew is so sibling-like.

That’s because we’re too alike, no one gets that. People play the ‘opposites attract’ car more often than I consider rational. But  then again when they see a couple like Andrew and I - who are basically the same person in different bodies - they suddenly think we’re super compatible. Trust me, we’re not. And everyone who’s been on set with us will tell you the same.

“What can I say...“ he shrugs, smirking at me, “I like the fun. I bet Becca doesn’t though.“

I can’t help but huff. Andrew is the only one I’ve ever openly expressed my frustrations with Rebecca to. He was super helpful on the subject, seeing as how he can relate - many partners of his have tried to use him, some of which even succeeded. He’s more than qualified to school me on the topic but it turned more into sharing bad experiences. One of which was that instance back at Corpse’s apartment.

“And neither does Corpse I suppose.“ As though he’s read my mind, he pokes the hurt spot, pouring salt in the wound causing me to visibly cringe as though the pain was physical - because it was, I felt it in my chest and in my gut, a sharp stab of guilt and regret. 

Why did I let it come to that? Why did I let us get so close? How did I not think of the consequences?

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t.“ My hand automatically reaches for the pocket of the jeans I’m not even wearing in search of a cigarette. Not that I’d be able to light one even if I had them on me - Andrew would smack it out of my hand before I could even take a single puff.

He has the audacity to laugh, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/N.”

That’s all he needs to say really - that’s enough to make me feel seen and understood. Though that’s not always a good thing. I often times wish he couldn’t read me so well. Better said: I wish I didn’t let myself be so readable, you know. I’m just glad he’s the one who sees me because if it were anyone else they’d use this vulnerability of mine against me. I’m well aware that it’s a weakness, a really inconvenient one, but damn it I can’t get rid of it. I feel like I’ll be less human if I lose it. Everyone’s allowed to be vulnerable, some just are lucky enough to choose who they’ll be vulnerable around. I’m lucky enough to to have a choice, not so lucky in the people I choose to trust. Guess that’s not a luck thing, it’s just my inability to decipher whether a person is worth all the pain and torture of coming clean to them or not. So far many people have burnt me but two stick out in particular - Becca and Corpse. Corpse especially, which is the odd thing considering he hasn’t even wronged me in any way. At least not yet.

“Your phone’s vibrating.“ Andrew says, pulling me out of my overflowing head when he hands me my phone which I handed to him because of my dress’ lack of pockets.

“Thanks.“ I mutter through a sigh as I take it from him, checking the notification I’ve gotten.

My stomach drops: it’s a message from Corpse.

“Hey I saw you are in LA but we have a stream tomorrow, will you still be participating?“

Before I can reply, he sends me another message.

“I know you’re probably very busy but we get the most viewership on the streams when you’re in them so....“

I’ve probably been staring at my phone screen for longer than I thought since Andrew felt the need to make sure I was still breathing: “Hey, you ok? You look terribly pale.” I can barely hear him let alone reply. I can’t hear my own thoughts to know what to reply to him. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

I’m scaring myself too, Andrew. I’m scared too. I’m scared of how broken my picker has become. I almost kissed this guy! I almost entrusted all my thoughts, hopes, wishes and goals to him! What the fuck was I thinking?! Well, at least I know what he was thinking about - viewership. Likes, subs, views, publicity. The more eyes on the stream the better for him and everyone else. I genuinely want to applaud him, no one has been so direct about using me before. I was in a relationship with Becca for almost a year before I accidentally found out what she had been doing the whole time. No one’s ever smacked me in the face with this much honesty. It’s bittersweet really.

I want to laugh, I want to cry, slap myself across the face, slap him...I want to do so much, but all I can do now is sit in silence and think of how I could be so stupid.

He’s just another one, how did I not see that? How do I never see it until it’s too late? Why is one part of me still screaming: ‘He didn’t mean it like that!’

AND WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BELIEVE IT?

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[nanoland]

new chapter (lucifer fic)

(earlier parts are here; whole thing is here) 

Ponder on the Narrow House, part 3 

Mazikeen + Eve + Michael, gen fic (for now), warning for gun violence 

0   

Along the California coastline, the cruise ship Illustrious Voyager bore four thousand three hundred and ten passengers, one thousand two hundred and ninety-six crewmembers, and two guide dogs.

Five thousand six hundred and eight souls, in total.

At around 4pm, without anyone noticing, that number became five thousand six hundred and nine.

Hands clasped behind her back, Eve strolled down the promenade, admiring the vessel’s size and beauty. This fresh new millennium’s wealth astonished her. Sickened, sometimes. Entranced, sometimes. But always astonished.

Back in the garden, they’d slept on and under rocks. When it rained, they got wet. When large animals came by, they hid. No weapons. No shelter. No blankets. The only resource they’d had in abundance was food. Good grief – so much food. God had been so proud of all the different fruits and nuts and mushrooms he’d made available to them, and Adam had been so grateful. Eve supposed she had been, too.

It hadn’t stopped her from one day approaching her husband and the plump rabbits resting in his lap – two of several dozen pets – and asking if he didn’t think the cold nights would be much more endurable if they each had a warm pair of fur slippers.

Then she’d met Lucifer. Fallen in love. Bitten the apple. Learned how powerful he and his Father truly were. That was when the real questions, the sticky, prickly questions, had come bubbling up.

If Lucifer has such a vast family, with so many siblings, why can’t I have even one? she’d asked the sky. Why is Adam all I get?

And later: If You can simply bring people into existence, why must I scream and bleed and shit myself in order to have children? Am I doing it wrong? Is there another way? If there isn’t, why not?

And later: Why is nothing fair?

And, most recently, after meeting Mazikeen: Why isn’t everything at least equally unfair? Why do humans get a world of options while Maze and her family are expected to serve angels from birth to death? Why isn’t Maze allowed into Heaven, even after an eternity of loyalty and hard work?

“Sorry,” she said, flashing white teeth at a passing crewmember. “I’m trying to find a friend of mine. Can you tell me how to get to Room 835?”

Half an hour later, there was a splash and the ship’s population dropped to five thousand six hundred and seven.

Before binding his arms and legs, Eve had secured Andrew Bismarck’s lifejacket and gagged him. Furious and helpless, he bobbed alongside her as the ship moved on and Mazikeen rowed up in her inflatable raft, wearing a sunset-orange swimsuit.

“Should I be worried about those, babe?” she asked as she gripped Bismarck’s lifejacket and hauled him out of the water.

Eve smiled at the dolphin pod swimming in playful loops around her, and patted the nearest one’s nose. “No. They’re my friends.”

The inflatable wasn’t big enough for three people, so Eve held on to a friend’s dorsal fin and let him drag her back to The Choronzon.

Michael stood on the deck, looking bored. As they climbed aboard, their prisoner slung over Mazikeen’s shoulder, he drawled, “Seriously? This sad specimen’s worth two million dollars?”

“Actually, his net worth is eight hundred million,” said Mazikeen, dumping him down. “Two million is just what his ex-wife is willing and able to pay.”

Wringing out her hair, Eve added, “She took half his money in the divorce but she gave almost all of it to a chimpanzee shelter. I really like her!”

His lip curled. “How delightfully sordid. Isn’t this all a little beneath you, Ms Mazikeen? I mean, you’re a big deal in Hell. High Commander of Lucifer’s legions, head advisor to the king himself. Aren’t you worried taking jobs like this diminishes you?”

Busy handcuffing Bismarck to the railing, Mazikeen said, “Eve, honey? Do me a favour?”

“Boop!” Eve chirped, having already snuck up behind Michael, and pushed him overboard.

“I know it’s your whole gimmick,” Mazikeen called down as he splashed and spluttered, his face red with princely indignation. “And I know you don’t have a lot else going for you. But the next time you try that on me, I will stop being nice. Kapish?”

“Kapish,” he muttered.

The Choronzon had barely travelled a mile before Eve spotted Bismarck’s henchmen coming after them.

“Someone gimme details!” shouted Mazikeen, busy putting a bulletproof vest on over her bikini and opening up the box she’d told Dan contained a fishing rod, not a halberd.

Eve peered through her binoculars. “Two speedboats. Twelve guys on jet skis. Guns everywhere.”

“Heh. Awesome. Mickey – move that tight ass to the front and make like a nice juicy target.”

“Wait, what about-…” Michael began, trailing off as Mazikeen dove gracefully into the sea.

Bouncing from foot to foot, Eve shot him a grin. “Don’t look so glum, sourpuss. This is the fun part.”

She’d never spoken to Michael in Heaven, despite the millennia they’d both resided only two miles apart, her in a lakeside cottage on the outskirts of the Silver City, him in the crystal palace in its centre.

Granted, she’d not exactly had a warm and fuzzy relationship with any of Lucifer’s siblings. They all knew what had happened in the garden. Some had been nice – Amenadiel had visited often, even though he’d never had much to say and they’d spent their time together skipping stones across the lake’s surface. But the others had kept her at a distance. She was a bad influence.

Michael, however, was the only angel she’d not ever said one word to.

She’d seen him, now and then, in the early days, when she was the only human in Heaven and, as such, grudgingly invited to divine family get-togethers. On those occasions, she’d spent too much time feeling awkward and out-of-place to pay attention to the sullen figure lurking in whatever shadows were available. The one time she’d glanced his way, it had been to marvel at the stories of people getting the twins mixed up; beyond the raw basics of bone structure, Michael couldn’t have looked less like her old lover.

Bullets sprayed across the hull. Humming, Eve stepped daintily into Michael’s shadow, seconds before they started bouncing off his shoulders and chest.

“It is beneath her,” he muttered.

She made an ambiguous noise. “How d’you figure?”

There came a shout and a splash from the nearest jet ski. The bullets stopped.

“C’mon. She’s Mazikeen. Everyone in the Silver City knows about Mazikeen. Ordinarily, we couldn’t give two dry shits about Lucifer’s minions, but her? She’s a minor celebrity. The power behind Hell’s throne. Christ, it’s no secret my beloved twin couldn’t govern his way out of a paper bag.”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling fondly. “He’s kind of bad at everything. Except music. He’s a great musician.”

More shouting. More shooting. More bullets bouncing off Michael’s torso. Mazikeen rode by, one hand gripping her newly-acquired jet ski’s throttle lever, the other clutching her bloodstained halberd. Watching her circle the enemy, Eve was reminded of a sheep dog.

Michael went on: “And then there’s the fact that for a while, everyone thought Lucifer was going to marry her. It was all anyone could talk about. Jophiel was taking bets on when the proposal would happen. She’d have been High Commander and the Queen of Hell. Instead? All of a sudden, Lucifer takes an indefinite vacay to the mortal realm, drags her with him, and next thing anyone knows, she’s working behind a bar.”

The remaining jet skis and their terrified, wounded riders had been neatly rounded up, which meant it was time for Eve to open her purse.

“Um – how long have those been in there?” asked Michael, watching her take out three grenades.

“You want one?” she offered. “Don’t forget to take the pin out before you throw it. I did that my first time.”  

One thing to be said for millions of dull, dull years spent sitting next to God’s Greatest Warrior, skipping stones across a lake; your aim got good.

The first blast was a warning, not close enough to actually kill any of Bismarck’s men, though the resultant waves did knock several into the water. They tried to retreat, turning their vehicles around, only to remember Mazikeen, corralling them single-handed and now armed with machine guns she’d confiscated from those already bested.

When they saw the second and third grenade incoming, they gave up and abandoned the jet skis, jumping into the sea and swimming for their lives.

“Fuck!” Michael yelped, blocking his ears at the concomitant explosions.

Gazing past the debris and smoke, Eve saw Mazikeen head for the nearest of the two speedboats. Its occupants, preoccupied with aiming a rocket launcher at The Choronzon, saw her coming far too late.

“I get your point,” said Eve, as her girlfriend and her halberd made short work of the crew. “But that’s a really… how can I put this? It’s a really angelic way of looking at things. Maze doesn’t consider anything ‘beneath her’.”

“Wow. Sick burn. You’re basically admitting she has no pride.”

“Oh, she’s got pride. Tons of pride. Her pride’s just dependant on how well she does a job, not on the type of job she has. She wasn’t happy working at Lux, but that wasn’t because she thought bartending was ‘beneath her’; it was because she prefers doing things she’s good at. Customer service isn’t really one of her strengths.”

The second speedboat was abandoned by its crew mere seconds before Mazikeen rammed the first speedboat into it, cackling victoriously.

“Actually,” Eve said, moving from Michael’s shadow to where Mazikeen had earlier set a crate of peach soda – her favourite – out on the deck, “now that you mention it, I guess I’m the one with no pride. Haven’t really ever had anything to be proud of. Your Dad never gave me the chance. I was never meant to do things. I was just meant to be.”

Michael snorted. “Lucky you. Trust me; he may have softened in his later years, but back in the day he never, ever stopped riding our asses. You think Lucy really rebelled because he had better plans for how the universe should be run? Because he was an innovator? Nope. Lazy dick just hated being told to do his chores.”

By the time Mazikeen swam back to them, saltwater had washed off the blood and her ponytail had come loose.

“Oh, hey,” said Eve, gripping her hand and pulling her up. “A mermaid.”

After pressing a rough kiss to her cheek and taking a swig of peach soda, Mazikeen asked, “You okay? He did his job?”

Eve patted the angel’s shoulder – the one that wouldn’t hurt. “He was terrific! Awesome addition to the team.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Michael mumbled.

Ignoring him, Mazikeen snatched up a towel to dry her hair. “Glad to hear it. Alright! Let’s get Bismarck back to shore, get paid, and find a place to have dinner so we can toast Team Hellrazor’s first successful mission.”

“R-A-Z-O-R,” Eve informed Michael. “To make it cooler.”

[americancowgirl19]

She’s the Alpha - Part One

Series Summary: Gen and Y/n have been together since they were in high school. They’re true mates. Only problem is that they’re both female and are unable to satisfy the other’s heat/rut. When Gen gets a job on Supernatural they meet Alpha Jensen and his Omega Jared.

Part Summary: By the time you turned 18 you have gone through two life changing events. The first being when you presented as an alpha. The second is when you found your omega.

Warnings: Y/n treated like an OC, cursing, bullying/harassment, homophobia, angst, fluff, abuse, hint at smut/intimacy, light girl on girl,

Reader: Alpha Female Reader

Pairings: Alpha Female Reader x Omega Genevieve, Eventual Alpha Jensen x Omega Jared x Alpha Female Reader x Omega Genevieve

Word Count: 5,662

A/n: Jensen and Jared won’t show up until the next part. This chapter is character background and a lot of Gen x Reader. Possibly a 15 part series!

Masterlist

Part Two

Presenting

The weeks prior to presenting were tense to say the least. You felt as if everyone was testing your patience, especially your twin brother, Ashton. You withdrew from your friends and family. The last thing you wanted was to get into screaming matches with your parents like Ash had been doing.

Despite the obvious signs, nobody expected you to present as an alpha. Female alphas are much rarer than male omegas. Although, presenting as an omega didn’t seem likely either. You were stronger willed than the omegas your family interacted with. Becoming a beta is what was expected of you. Albeit, doing what was expected of you was never really your thing.

Frankly, you would rather be a beta than an alpha. Your family held alpha’s to a higher standard compared to beta’s and omega’s. A standard you didn’t care to be held to. To be honest, your family was ridiculous when it came to alphas.

However, all thoughts of an easy going beta life flew out the window on your 16th birthday. Finally, the moodiness and the short fuse you had recently acquired made sense. 

To say that this complicated things is an understatement. Presenting as an alpha completely changed your world. One day you were the girl who remained unseen in the background. Now, you’re the girl trying to survive your alpha father and alpha brother. Three alpha’s under one roof is recipe for disaster.

Senior Year

“I cannot wait until I can pack up and leave this place in my rear view mirror,” Ash grumbles walking beside you down the road. The further the two of you walked from home the less weight seemed to be on your shoulders.

“You need a car to have a rear view mirror,” You tease him while keeping a watchful eye on your younger siblings a little ways in front of you. Ash rolls his eyes and shoves his hands in his pockets. “All I want is to get out of that damn house. I don’t care where I go,” You comment with a small shrug.

It didn’t matter if you moved into the house next door or in an apartment on the other side of the world. As long as you weren’t under your parents roof, you would be happy. You craved independence. You craved separation from your parents. Yet you didn’t want to be too far from your siblings but at the same time you didn’t mind putting more distance between you and them.

“I’m not going to be able to listen to dad’s bullshit for very much longer,” You hum in agreement. You remember a time when your dad had been your hero. Now, you couldn’t wait to get as far as possible from the man.

Your father made it his mission to make you and your brother the toughest alpha’s in town not only mentally but physically as well. He’s even tried to make you both arrogant assholes, like typical alpha’s, with all his ‘alpha’s are above others’ speeches. 

There was also a point in time when your father had tried to pin you and your brother against each other. You hated to admit that it worked for almost an entire year before the two of you figured out that you were stronger when you had each others backs.

“We just have to make it through graduation,” You tell him.

“Yeah,” Ash scoffs. “Another ten damn months,”

“No one said it was gonna be easy,” 

A couple minutes later you were at the school. Your two younger siblings had dashed off but you didn’t care. You made sure they got to school, your job was over.

The moment you entered the high school you sensed something was different. You didn’t know what it was and tried to ignore the feeling but it was damn near impossible.

You caught yourself looking around as you and Ash walked to your lockers. You didn’t know what you were looking for but assumed you would know when, or if, you found it.

“Do you know if anyone presented alpha recently?” You ask your brother.

“God, I hope not,” Ash groans closing the door. “The last thing we need is another damn alpha walking around,”

There’s three other alphas in your school, excluding you and your brother. One of the alpha’s, Julian, is chill and keeps to himself. The other two, however, are always competing for top dog. The last thing this school needed was yet another alpha to add into the mix.

“Why do you ask?” Ash asks, the two of you walking to your first class.

“I don’t know,” You sigh. “I just feel like something’s different,” Ash glances at you but doesn’t say anything.

All throughout the day you felt on edge. Ash could pick up on your tenseness causing his own mood to turn more alert. It wasn’t until the end of the day did you find the answer to why the both of you were so apprehensive.

You and Ash were at your lockers preparing to leave school. Ash was suggesting that you went to The Dutch, a local bar and grill. It had been a long and tense day, the last thing he wanted to do was go straight home where the environment is even more stressful.

You muttered a response not really listening to what he was saying. Ash talked 90% of the day, whether you were in class or not, and you had learned to tune him out. Instead of paying attention to Ash, your eyes were trained down the hall. In the corner stands a shorter girl with beautiful, long, dark hair. She had your complete attention from the moment you laid eyes on her.

Unfortunately, you weren’t the only one with eyes on her. Andrew, one of the schools asshole alpha’s, had her in his sights. The moment he came into your eye sight you knew what he was planning. The thought of him even standing next to her angered you.

“Y/n, where are you going?” Ashton questions when you suddenly walk away. You don’t answer him. He grumbles but quickly follows after you. It wasn’t until you got closer to the girl did you realize that she’s an omega.

“I’m not interested,” She tells Andrew. You ignore the affect that her voice has on you.

“Not yet but I can change your mind,”

“What is it with you morons and not understanding the meaning of the word ‘no’?” You ask, gaining Andrew’s attention. He turns toward you. His eyes flicker from you to Ashton, who’s standing behind you. “No, means, no, asshole,” Andrew glares at you trying to be intimidating. However, you weren’t intimidated by boys trying to be men.

“Why don’t you just move along?” Andrew suggests, wanting to continue talking to the omega but also wanting to avoid you and Ash. “I’m trying to have a conversation with her,”

“You’re not exactly conversation material,” The girl speaks up. Your gaze, along with Andrew’s, returned to the smaller girl. She spoke to Andrew before her eyes flickered to you. The moment your eyes met, a small small comes to your lips. “The last thing I want to do is lose IQ points,” She comments, looking back at Andrew. She adjusts her bookbag on her shoulders and tries to talk around him but he quickly grabs her arm. The smile that had come to your face quickly washed away when you saw Andrew grab her as roughly as he had.

His hand only held her arm for a fraction of a second before you had removed it. Your hand grabbed his wrist tight enough to leave a nasty bruise. You twisted his arm until he was forced to release her and slammed him against the lockers. 

Andrew easily got out of your grip but before things could escalate Ashton jumps between the two of you. Ash knew you could handle yourself against Andrew but he also didn’t want a fight breaking out. A fight would send you to the principle which would force your father to get involved which would end in a situation neither of you wanted to be in.

“Just walk away,” Ashton advices Andrew. “We wouldn’t want a repeat of Junior year, would we?” Andrew growls stepping forward but a teacher speaks up before anything could happen.

“Life would have been much simpler if I had just been a beta,” The girl whispers under her breath. You hummed in agreement. Your eyes glancing to her when you’re confident Andrew wasn’t going to attack your brother. “Thanks,” She says, looking up at you.

“You look like you could handle yourself,” You tell her with a small smile. She blushes a bit which causes your heart to soar. The longer you stood beside her the less confident you became. Not many people made you nervous but this girl could make you weak to the knees with a single glance.

“Genevieve,” She introduces herself. She holds her hand out and you stare at it for a moment. Ash gives you a gently shove which snaps you out of your haze. Gen giggles a bit when you hand reaches out and grips her tightly. “But you can call me Gen,” She giggles again when you shake her hand quickly.

“Gen,” You whisper, smiling softly. “Oh, uh, Y/n,” You stutter while releasing her hand with a blush. “That’s uh... that’s my name,” You hand brushes through your hair.

“I figured,” Gen continues to smile at you. “It’s nice to meet you,”

Date Night

“How does this look?” You ask, your younger sister. 

“Like you’re trying too hard,” Naomi comments, hanging upside down on the edge of your bed.

“Really? I think I look cute,” You say standing in front of you full length mirror. You were wearing a nice dress. It’s the most feminine thing you’ve worn in a long time.

“You’re only going to the movies,” She tells you. “Besides, it doesn’t really look like you. You should wear some leggings and that cute jacket you got last month,”

“I’m with Naomi on this,” Ash says, walking into your room. You sigh but give in knowing they were more corradiated than you.

“If he coming to pick you up?” Naomi asks shifting onto her stomach when Ash sits beside her. You share a look with your twin.

“Uh, no,” You shake your head. “I’m meeting them at the movies,” You say carefully.

Ash is the only one that knows you were going on a date with a girl. On top of that it’s an omega that had asked you out. You could only imagine the shit show that would happen if your father found out. He would go on and on about how you needed to be with a man. Once he got past that he would tell you how un-alpha-like it is to be asked out by an omega. You, being the alpha, were the one who was supposed to ask the omega out.

You knew your younger siblings wouldn’t care but they also couldn’t keep a secret. The only concern your mother would have is the fact that she wouldn’t be able to satisfy your ruts and you wouldn’t be able to satisfy her heats. It wouldn’t be a problem now, or any time soon, but down the road you would need someone to help you. 

You didn’t ant to think about that right now. You just want to have fun with Gen. You liked her a lot. You could run your hands through her soft hair all day. She smelled as if she had come straight from heaven. Her skin also felt very smooth and perfect against yours. 

From the moment you two met you had grown to be very close. You would stay close during school and after school you would be together at her home. Her family was much more relaxed and open than yours.

The two of you had been cuddling in her bed while watching your favorite movie when she asked you out on a date. It had caught you off guard but you accepted.

Almost everything Gen did caught you off guard, in a good way. She was so unlike any omega you had met. She was outgoing and blunt. She could hold her own and didn’t need an alpha to cling too. She didn’t need you but she wanted you. You tended to be on the more reserved side but being around Gen brought you out more.

“What movie are you seeing?” Naomi asked. You answered all her questions as you finished getting ready. Ash picked out your shoes while Naomi helped with your makeup. You didn’t wear much makeup but a little bit to stand out.

“Good luck,” Ash says, helping you leave without being noticed by your parents. Your parents knew you were leaving but you didn’t want to go through 20 questions with them.

“Thank,” You smile at him before getting into your moms car and driving to the movies. You instantly found Gen. It was like there was this magnet on her that drew you to her. “You look amazing,” You compliment. She wasn’t wearing anything too fancy but it hugged her hips.

“Thank you,” She says before inspecting your new jacket. You did a spin causing her to grin even wider. “Adorable,” She says kissing your cheek causing you to blush. She links your arms and pulls you to the ticket booth with a little hop in her step. There you insisted, and won, on buying the ticket. She ended up buying the popcorn before the two of you took your seats.

Throughout the movie the both of you shared small, yet intimate, touches. You would hold hands or rest your hand on her thigh. Eventually you wrapped an arm around her. The touches only got worse when the movie was over and you drove her home. Her mother had dropped her off allowing you the opportunity to spend more time with her.

“Hey, Y/n?” Gen asks, glancing at you as you drive down the road. You hum sparing her a glance. “What happened junior year?” She asks.

“Can you be a little more specific?” You ask, with a small laugh. “Junior year was a long year,”

“Ash said something to Andrew about not wanting a repeat of Junior year... Remember?” Gen asks, your mind goes back to when you first noticed Gen. Gen and you have been in the same school for years but you didn’t truly notice her until she presented. When she did present she ended up being an omega. There’s only 7 omega’s in the school and of course she had caught Andrew’s attention.

“Junior year Ash, Andrew, and I were still pretty new at the whole alpha thing. We’re still not perfect but junior year our emotions and instincts were all over the place. At that time Ash and I weren’t talking. We were fighting constantly and it just wasn’t a good time for us.” You begin to explain to her. “Being an alpha our natural instinct is to be the alpha. It’s an instinct my father did everything he could to amplify,”

“Why?” Gen asks frowning her eyebrows. You let out a low sigh.

“My father expects Ash and I to be the top alpha in everything we do. One of the problems with that is that feeding into our newly heightened instincts with other alpha’s under the same roof only causes disruption and chaos. The three of us were constantly at each others throats and when we went to school Ash and I were still going at it but we were also going at Andrew as well,” Gen slowly nods not completely understanding but wanting to hear the rest of it. “One day Andrew and I came to blows. I think we were fighting over something like he had sat in my seat at the cafeteria.” You said not completely sure if that was true but it was close enough. “Anyways, Andrew is stronger and a better fighter, I didn’t really have a chance but I gave it my all. Ash saw what was happening and he jumped into the fight. The two of us could just tell what the other was about to do and we worked together fluently. Kicked Andrew’s ass,” You smirk a bit. “We not only asserted our dominance as head alpha’s in the high school but it’s the first time Ash and I started to mend our relationship and work together,”

“So, now you and Ash are ok?” Gen asks. “You two seem to get along great,”

“Yeah, it took us a while to get to where we are now but now it’s just natural,” You shrug. “It’s like I have this sixth sense when it comes to Ash and him to me. Sure we have our competitive streaks but it’s all good natured,” Gen smiles at you and you glance at her. “Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?” You ask.

“Maybe once or twice,” Gen smiles widely. You smirk pulling into her driveway.

“I had a really great-” You said, turning your head towards her. The instant you looked at her, her lips were on yours. The two of you had yet to get out of the car and had to lean over the middle console. 

Her lips were soft compared to your chapped ones. Her sweet scent seemed even more intense while kissing her. You wondered how she could get any more perfect. 

“I had a great time too,” Gen whispers pulling back. “And you look just as beautiful,” She winks at you.

You didn’t care what you had to do, you had to keep her. You’d known her a little less than four months yet you were completely smitten. You were in this for the long haul.

Caught

“Hi Gen!” Naomi shouts, when you and Gen enter the house. Gen barely greets her back before your little sister darts into the next room.

“Omi! Get back here, you little shit!” You other little sister, Haley, practically screams as she races after the youngest.

“Come on,” You place an innocent hand on Gen’s back. You gently push her towards your room. The two of you have been together for a couple of months and have successfully kept it from your parents and younger siblings. Honestly, if Naomi wasn’t so gullible, you would have been found out by now.

“Are your parents home?” Gen asks, you shake your head.

“No, probably won’t be for a while,” You tell her. You shut the bedroom door behind you.

“Good,” Gen smiles turning to you. You match her grin and pull her close. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you,” 

“No ones stopping you,” You whisper leaning down to connect your lips to hers. Gen cups the back of your neck and presses her hand against you chest as she leans into you. You tighten your grip around her waist. “You smell so good,” You whisper burying your head in her neck.

“Come on, we have to get started on this project,” Gen reminds you. You whine refusing to let her go. Gen laughs quietly and doesn’t attempt to leave your snug embrace.

“We can start tomorrow,” You whisper.

“Oh, no, we’re not procrastinating on this,” Gen says wiggling away from you causing you to pout. “Let’s get this started and then we can cuddle,”

“You drive a hard bargain,” You wink at her. Gen rolls her eyes and sits on your bed. You smirk and move in behind her. “Are you sure we can’t start a little later?” You ask, brushing all of her hair to one side. “Surely, we’re smart enough to get it done in a little bit,” Gen tilts her head a bit as your lips lightly press against her skin. “You’re certainly smart enough. You’re a junior in a senior science class,”

“It’s not that impressive,” Gen whispers. “There’s plenty of juniors in senior classes,”

“I’m lucky to be in the 12th grade, it’s impressive,” You tell her. “You’re so smart,” You praise. “So beautiful, kind and funny.. So talented,” Your lips travel up her neck as you hand gently grabs her chin. “So mine,” 

“Alpha,” Gen whines causing you to growl and press your lips to hers. She falls back on the bed and you shift follow after her. Your entire focus was on her that you didn’t even notice your father coming to your room to talk to you.

“Y/n-” He barely gets your name out when he opens your door. Your head pulls away from Gen’s quickly and snaps towards him. Both you and Gen tense. You father looks at you in shock but the shock quickly turns into anger. “What in the damn hell is going on here?!” He shouts. 

You and Gen jump off the bed. Your protective instincts kick in and you stand in front of her. She grips the back of your shirt. Her distress only amplifies your protectiveness. 

“I can explain-” You try to say but your father isn’t in a listening mood. You watch as his face begins to glow red and his eyes narrow.

“The fuck were you doing with her?!” Cyrus, your father, shouts. You knew that if you tried to lie it would only be worse. You had to come clean.

“I was kissing her... my girlfriend,” You add, quietly. A deep, threatening growl leaves his chest. Your hand reaches back to rest against Gen. The movement was not only to reassure you that she was behind you but an attempt to calm you down. Gen always had a calming affect on you but with your father radiating threatening vibes being calm is the last thing on your mind.

“Girlfriend?!” He shouts marching up to you. You growl back trying to warn him to stay back.

“Yes, girlfriend!” You shout back not liking being threatened. “She’s my girlfriend, my omega!”

“She’s a girl! She cannot be your omega!”

“She is,” You tell him clenching your fists. “I know she’s my omega, my true mate.” You state with absolute certainty. You knew that same sex true mates aren’t nonexistent but they certainly weren’t heard of.

“A female alpha is never mated to an omega female! It doesn’t work!” 

“It does. We work.” You insist. “She’s my girlfriend and I’m not letting her go,”

“Oh, yes you are. No daughter of mine will ever be with another girl! You’re an alpha, you need to be with a beta or male omega.”

At this point your family is gathering in the doorway. Your two little sisters were poking their heads in but mainly hiding behind the wall in the hallway. Your father took intimidation and scary to a whole new level when he’s angry. Even your mother was using the wall as a hiding spot. Your brother, however, was standing in the center of the doorway ready to help defend you and Gen if need be.

“Fuck who you think I’m supposed to be with,” You spit. “I want to be with Gen and she wants to be with me,” You growled. “And I’m not going to let you get in between us,”

“Y/n!” Gen shouts when your father grabs you shirt, rips you away from Gen and pins you against the wall. You growl slamming your head into his and manage to shove him away. He doesn’t go far but far enough for you to duck away and move from the wall.

“Alright, let’s just calm down!” Ash shouts getting between you and your father.

“Step down,” Cyrus, demands staring you twin brother down. Ash glares back fighting against the urge to move away. “I said, step down,” Cyrus snapped grabbing the back of Ash’s neck and tossing him to the side.

“Hey!” You shout shoving him away from your brother. 

However, tossing him from Ash made Cyrus get closer to Gen which you didn’t like. You held your hand out and Gen instantly comes to your side. Her fingers intertwine with yours. Her arm hugs your arm while she steps a bit behind you.

“I love Gen,” You tell him as he regains his stability. “I’m going to stay with her for as long as she’ll have me. There’s nothing you can do,” 

Cyrus steps toward you and lashes out. Gen whimpers holding you tightly as a stinging pain comes to your cheek. Before he could do anything else Gen is moving in front of you. She’s trembling despite the strong look she tries to display. Your heart swells at her trying to protect you but you didn’t want your father hurting her either.

“I won’t let you hurt her,” Gen whispers, pressing her back into your chest wanting to stay as far away from him but wanting to protect you as well. Cyrus is obviously taken back by Gen. Omega’s aren’t normally the ones protecting the alpha. In his eyes it’s just another disgraceful act while it only makes you fall more in love with her.

“You either get rid of Gen or you leave,” He tells you. Your heart drops. You knew he would be made but you never expected him to give you this ultimatum. You didn’t want to make the choice despite already know what you would choose.

“Dad, please,” You whisper moving back in front of Gen. “I love her and I love this family, please don’t make me choose,” You beg him. “I’m still your daughter, loving Gen doesn’t change that,”

“This is not how I raised you. This is not how an alpha is supposed to act.” Cyrus tells you. “This is unacceptable and I will not have you disgracing this family. Get rid of Gen or move out,” Cyrus says. He stands there for a moment before pushing past you and into the hall.

“Baby,” Gen whispers, moving in front of you. Your zoned out eyes focus on her. “I don’t want to get in between you and your family-”

“You are my family,” You whisper. “You’re my omega, I know you are,” You say confidently. “Am I your alpha?” You ask, trepidatiously. 

“Yes, you are,” Gen nods, caressing your cheek. Her eyes soften as she looks at your reddened cheek. “I just want you to be happy... I don’t want to take you from them,” She nods towards your brother, sisters and mother.

“I’ll talk to him, ok?” Molly, your mother, speaks up, coming up to you. You stare into Gen’s eyes for a moment before turning to her. “You are not disowned and you do not have to leave Gen,” Molly gives your girlfriend a smile.

“I don’t think I can stay here mom,” You tell her. “Even if you do talk him down, things are only going to keep getting worse. Him and Ash are already to a boiling point, this is only going to push all of us over the edge. I’m not staying,”

“I don’t know how I’m going to be able to stay either,” Ash growls.

“There’s only a couple more months, just avoid him,” You advice him.

“Easier said than done,” Ash grumbles still seething at the fact that Cyrus had attacked you, again.

“I’ll keep him from you, just don’t leave yet,” Molly pleads hating the fact that her mate is chasing her children away. Ash’s face softens slightly towards his mother. He sighs but nods agreeing to stay just a little longer for her sake. “Where will you go?” Molly asks, wanting to make sure you went somewhere safe.

“She can come with me,” Gen says. You open your mouth to object but she doesn’t let you. “My mother adores you, so do my siblings. They’d love to have you around,” Knowing you needed somewhere to go, you agree.

“I love you,” Molly whispers, hugging you when you made your decision. “I’ll talk to your father, you and Gen are always welcome here,” She promises.

Claiming

“Happy birthday, baby,” Gen whispers waking you up with her light kisses. You smile snuggling into her chest. She grins holding your larger figure the best she could.

“Skip school,” You mumble. “Spend the day with me,” Gen smiles kissing the top of your head.

You and Gen have been together for over a year. You’ve graduated high school while Gen is halfway through her senior year. The two of you lived in Gen’s mother’s home. You’ve lived there since your father kicked you out.

Your mother stayed true to her word and talked to him. It took him months to even talk to you and even longer to invite you back. You never accepted his offer. The two of you had a very tense relationship and you didn’t want to go back to living under his roof with his rules.

The second you and Ash graduated, Ash moved out. He moved out of the house and out of the state. You still talk daily but you hadn’t seen him in a little bit. However, you felt happy knowing that he’s happy and much more relaxed.

While you would rather move out of this small town you were happy to be with Gen. Her mother and siblings absolutely adored you. Her two brothers were beta’s while her sister and mother were omega’s. 

Having you, an alpha, around brought a sense of peace to the household. Your presence comforted the other omega’s. They felt more relaxed, more secure with you around than before you moved in. It didn’t matter that you were only romantically involved with Gen, you were still an alpha and they were still omega’s. Your presence comforted them in a way beta’s, like the brothers, couldn’t quite understand.

It took a while to gain the brother’s trusts but when they realized how much weight lifted off of their mother’s shoulders with your company and how you protective you were of the sister’s you quickly gained their approval.

At your family home you were constantly fighting to be alpha. Here, however, you quickly earned the position of alpha when you gained their trust. Gen’s mother still mothered her children but you looked after Gen’s sister and helped pay the bills while making sure the other alpha’s left the family alone.

“You, Y/n Y/l/n, are a very bad influence,” Gen whispers causing you to smirk.

“You love it,” You breathed against her neck. Gen shivers feeling your hot breath against her cool skin making you grin even wider.

“I love you,” She whispers. You lift your head and look at her through hooded eyes.

“I love you too,” You whisper puckering your lips. She giggles.

“Lazy,” She whispers, connecting your lips. “We need to brush our teeth,” She murmurs against your lips.

“We can be nasty together,” You whisper pushing her onto her back. Gen relaxes under you as your lips reconnect. Her moans encourage you to kiss her deeper.

“I want to be yours,” Gen whispers, you kiss down her neck towards her chest.

“You are mine,” You say. “Just as I’m yours,” 

“Y/n,” She whispers. You lips gently pepper kisses down her chest. “Y/n,” She says sternly.

“Yes, baby?” You lift your head pinching your eyebrows at the serious look on her face.

“I want to be yours,” She stresses. It takes a moment for her words to sink in.

“Mine?” You asks and she nods biting her lip. You lean over her and press your forehead against hers. “You sure, baby? There’s no going back, no getting rid of me,” You remind her. Gen smiles gently caressing the side of your face.

She knew that ever since your father completely turned his back to you that you had developed a fear of abandonment, a fear of people pretending to want you only to change their minds. You didn’t want to trap Gen with you. You worried that down the road she wouldn’t want you and if you claimed her she wouldn’t be able to leave causing her to be unhappy. It’s the main reason you hadn’t claimed her yet.

“I love you. I want you, no one else. Please, alpha,” You eyes darken and a low growl comes from your chest. She begins to whine amplifying her scent. Your head ducks down to her neck. You breath in her sweet smell. “Please, mark me, Alpha. Please,” She begs slowly breaking your resolve. “I want to be yours, completely and forever. I don’t want no one else,” You could sense her desperation begin to rise.

“Shh, omega, I’ve got you,” You whisper, trying to soothe her. “I’ll mark you, I’ll make you mine forever,” Gen smiles, slowly relaxing. “Only if you mark me, as well,” Gen’s eyes widen.

“Are you sure?” She whispers, you nod pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“100%... If you’re going to be mine and bare my mark, I want to be yours with your mark,” Gen slowly grins and nods.

“Ok,” She whispers. You grin and press your lips to hers.

“You’re perfect, Genevieve,” You whisper, moving your lips back to her neck. “Everything I could ever want,” Gen smiles, pulling your shirt over your head.

“Alpha, please, I need you,” She whines, clawing at your back.

“I’m right here, ‘mega... I’m right here,” You whisper, soothingly.

“Mark me, please,” She begs.

“Patience,” You whispers, a smirk on your lips. Your hands unclothe her before your eyes memorize every inch of her body. You couldn’t believe the woman in underneath you is going to be yours forever. Gen smiles, a light blush on her cheeks and her teeth chewing her lower lip.

“Alpha,” She whines, pulling you close. “Please,” You gently begin peppering her neck. You can feel her heartrate skyrocketing and her breathing escalate. 

“You’re gonna be all mine, baby girl,” You whisper nipping at her neck.

“Please,” She whimpers pressing her neck against your lips. She gasps, your teeth dig into her neck. “Alpha,” She cries.

“All mine,”

@akshi8278​

[nessarolla-in-constant-flux]

✨ Top5 for MCU ✨

Because I like making lists and I was bored. LET’S GO!

STARTING WITH...

5.Black Panther-The thing I love about Black Panther the most was the look and feel of Wakanda. Every costume a thing of beauty, every actor selling the realness of Wakandan culture making it immersive as fuck. Like I could swear this place is real if I didn't know I was watching a movie I'd believe it was real. T’challa and Shuri are the best. This movie is stunning and overall a solid movie.

4.Spiderman: Homecoming- As far as I can remember the 90s Spiderman cartoon was my first dance with Marvel superheroes and has since been my favorite. With the Andrew Garfield movie killing itself I had little hope for this movie at first but was pleasantly surprised by it. It was like a time warp throwing me back into the throws of my childhood that made me love Spiderman again. But I'd have to say that my favorite scene that solidified this for me is a bit fucked. The scene is that moment when Spiderman is stuck under the rumble of a building and tries to get out but fails. In this moment of desperation he's back to being Peter Parker. It was such a jarring moment but a welcome one that gave me faith in this Spiderman. Love it.

3.Thor (The first one)-I'm a big BIG fan of Norse gods and it was a no brainer that I would watch this movie for that alone and the added bonus of Natalie Portman(Forever my Padme) had me sold! Looking back on it now Thor is a cheesy romp through Loki's evil plot and Thor just trying to find his humanity. It made him endearing in the way he learns that power, glory and a clearly massive ego isn't everything in life. To appreciate the little things and hold them close was really nice to see learned from the usual meat head fodder. I like Darcy too and I feel like she was a proxy for us, the audience, reacting to all the weird shit happening. Great movie for a good laugh. AND it gave us the birth of Tom Hiddleston as Loki so that’s more even more bonus points!

2.Gaurdians of the Galaxy VOL. 2-The relationship growth between Gamora and Nebula is my everything. The movie is beautiful in terms of color and how it was shot but the show stealer for me was definitely their relationship. I don't have a sister but I do have siblings and we don't always see eye to eye so it was nice to see them talk (or you know blow up) about their feelings and how it's destroyed them both emotionally and for Nebula physically. Both of them victims of their father and his cruel nature of pinning them against each other. Not to mention that the knowledge that they had other siblings who aren't in the picture anymore. They're the only two to have survived, that's some heavy shit. Gorgeous movie, very fun, and Mantis is one of my new favorite additions.

1.Wandavision- And the most recent addiction to the MCU is by far my most favorite thing Marvel has ever done! I'd become a fan of Wanda since her debut in the MCU and throughout the movies it was sad to see that all that surrounded her was sadness and death. She wasn't much of a character other than that. Well this show does an amazing job each episode unfolding the layers of her grief and how she comes to terms with it. The love she felt for Vision really comes through and it resonated with me. What are the lengths we'd go to to bring back the ones we love? That is the question and Marvel has answered it amazingly. The look and feel of the show and how it captured all of the different eras of t.v. is a work of art. The music, the set design, and the costumes were on point! I also used to watch a lot of TV Land as a kid so the black and white portions of the show really hit a nostalgic nerve for me. The show is lovingly crafted by everyone who worked on it and I kid you know I've watch it like 4 separate times. I cry every time. I'm also really excited for Monica's roll as the new Photon! Darcy and Jimmy's rolls were also a welcome surprise as they were a uncanny duo that I hope come back more and more. Not to mention Visions new journey to come.

So yes for now WandaVision is my most favorite thing in the world at this very moment and I can not wait for what's next! I'm even gonna watch Falcon and The Winter Soldier which to be honest I wasn't too excited about but now I'm into it. Thank you for reading if you did and what is your top MCU movie or show that's come out and why?

[jacquiesims]

Viper Canyon - Chapter Six

‘...She met eyes with her reflection in the mirror. 

“Yes. I’m fine.”’

September 1852

With every new morning, the same sun shone brilliantly above Viper Canyon; a testament to all who called the humble settlement their home that although much was uncertain in their lives, they could always depend on one thing – that each day was a new one, no matter how challenging the last, and every daybreak held infinite promise and possibility.

The early morning sun slipped through the windowpanes of Winnie and Beatrice’s cozy loft, where the two sisters were still sleeping soundly. 

In her sleep, the eldest Hawkins daughter stirred gently, her eyelashes fluttering slightly as her murky dream shifted and changed until she was reliving moments that had passed not long before.

“This is where we’ll live,” Peter said proudly, surveying the vast plot of land in front of them. “And one day, when we have our own children and grandchildren…they’ll live here too, in the house we built.” 

It was hard for Winnie to see the dazzling future that Peter had planned for them, but she shook away her doubts as her fiancé took her by the hand. 

“What do you think?”

“Hm…well, it’s close to my parents and not far from town…the river is only a short walk from here, too. I think you’ve picked a fine place for us, Peter.” 

He grinned broadly at her, something that had come to cause her heart to skip a beat. She returned the smile as they turned to the desert before them. Peter put his arm around Winnie, pulling her close. 

“I’m glad you like it. I’m really glad, Winnie.”

“I know the house still has to be built before the wedding, but I can hardly wait that long. It’s foolish to say it but I feel like I’ve been dreaming all this time. To think that I’ll be marrying you…I’ve got to be the luckiest man this side of the Mississippi.” 

She was touched by his affectionate words. Her cheeks were flushed pink as Peter turned to her, face dangerously close. She looked back and forth between his eyes, heart beginning to race.

Winnie had never been kissed before. The feeling was strange and foreign, yet somehow still comforting and warm. She could feel the gentle brush of Peter’s breath on her cheeks as her heart pounded madly in her chest.

Just like that, he pulled away. His ears were bright red and he avoided her eyes, still holding her. 

“I – er…sorry, Winnie. I don’t know what came over me.” 

She laughed. “That’s all right. I didn’t mind.”

Winnie awoke to the phantom feeling of Peter’s kiss lingering on her lips. She blinked the sleep from her eyes with a small sigh before throwing back the covers and getting out of her warm bed. 

Beatrice was still in deep sleep as Winnie made her way to the wash basin, scrubbing her tiredness from her cheeks with lukewarm water. It wouldn’t do to be half-asleep, especially with all she had yet to do that day.

Dressed and put together, Winnie descended the stairs into the kitchen, where Mamma was already finishing breakfast. 

“Good morning,” Mamma said cheerfully, greeting her daughter with a smile. Wrinkles pulled at her fair skin. “You’re right on time. I’ve just finished the porridge. You’ll have a nice hot breakfast before work.”

Winnie’s belly was full of Mamma’s cooking as she made her way to the barn. Papa had already taken his horse that morning, but Winnie’s handsome colt was still in his stall, eager to be taken out. 

“Morning,” she murmured to him, giving his broad neck an affectionate stroke. He nipped at her hair. “It’s time to go to work.” 

With learned hands, Winnie outfitted her horse with his bridle and saddle, mounting him and taking off down the dirt road.

Winnie arrived at the schoolhouse before any of the students. After loosely tying up her colt at the hitching post, she unlocked the front doors, stepping into the quiet building. 

The interior smelled faintly of woodsmoke and chalk. She started a fire in the stove before taking a seat at her desk, looking out at the empty classroom. It still felt foreign to be looking at rows of desks instead of sitting at one herself – but there was no time to think about that. She had to get her lesson plans together before her pupils arrived and the school day began.

Just as she finished writing down her plans for the day, her students poured into the room from the front door. They grinned at Winnie as she stood up, brushing off her skirt. 

“Good morning, class,” she called happily. 

“Morning, Miss Hawkins!”

As her small group of students settled themselves at their desks, Winnie took a moment to gather her thoughts. 

All had come from the California territory months prior. A terrible fire had ravaged a small settlement there, burning it in its entirety and claiming many lives and livelihoods. A few families who had survived the tragedy came to live in Viper Canyon, where the land was cheap and aplenty and there was much business to be had due to the miners slowly finding gold in the outlying area. 

Many of Winnie’s students had lost homes in the fire, to speak nothing of their family members that had died in the disaster. Although she was happy to finally see children in town, she regretted the circumstances terribly and tried her best to be a charitable and kind teacher – her students had far better things to worry about than a harsh schoolmistress.

Winnie grabbed her scant roster from her desk. “All right. Now that we’re all settled, it’s time for attendance. Andrew Campbell?” 

“Present,” the boy responded sweetly. 

He was a mostly shy soul who rarely spoke up in class, but was a bright and diligent student nonetheless. He was the middle child of the Campbells, a couple who had recently opened a tailor’s on Main Street. Winnie had heard that the tiniest Campbell, only a few years old, had passed in the great fire. Her heart ached when she looked at the children who were surely missing their baby sibling.

“Bonnie Sampson?” 

“Present.” 

Although Winnie would never admit it out loud, Bonnie was one of her favorite pupils. She was the only child of a doctor and her mother had passed from complications after being caught in the fire. Despite this, she was a fiery and spirited girl who eagerly pursued knowledge with an unquenchable thirst. Winnie would sorely miss her when she finished her schooling that spring.

“Cora Campbell?” 

“Present!” 

Cora was the youngest child of the Campbells and their only girl. Although she was regularly a distraction to her classmates due to her talkative and friendly nature, Winnie could hardly find it in herself to scold the sweet girl who usually meant well and was always profoundly sorry for disrupting lessons.

“Ida Evans?” 

“Present,” she answered softly. 

Ida was one of the twins whose parents had lost their cattle ranch to the terrible fire. Her parents urged Winnie that she would eventually come out of her shell, but she had yet to see the girl playing with her classmates or laughing during lunchtime. Winnie found herself often worrying after the welfare of Ida despite her nearly perfect marks.

“Leonard Campbell?” 

“Present.” 

Leonard was the Campbell’s eldest. He seemed like a completely ordinary child to Winnie, who was happy to have him in her class. He was often the voice of reason and the younger students looked up to him as an authority figure – she thought the role suited him quite well.

“Isaac Evans?” 

“Hmph.” 

The last student on her roster was her most problematic. Isaac was Ida’s twin brother, and despite their uncanny resemblance, he in no other way reminded Winnie of his sister. He was constantly causing trouble, whether it be from creating messes or starting fights. It was a rare occurrence when Winnie could go an entire day without having to scold Isaac or avoid some kind of disaster that he had caused.

“Isaac, when I take attendance please answer ‘present.’” 

The boy frowned silently, looking out the window and ignoring her. The rest of the class tried to not look in his direction but the desire was palpable. Winnie decided it was best to pick her battles and if Isaac wanted to pout, she would let him do so. 

“Well, I trust we all had time to finish our homework last night? Bring your slates up to me, please. If you had any questions we’ll discuss them in a moment.”

The school day passed by without incident until noon. At lunch, Winnie caught Bonnie as the girl made her way outside to sit in the shade of the tree where all of the students enjoyed their midday meal. 

“Bonnie, do you have a moment? I wanted to ask you something.” 

Bonnie looked surprised. “Of course. What is it, Miss Hawkins?”

“Don’t worry. You aren’t in any trouble. I was only wondering if you’d taken the time to think about what I asked you last week, about what you think you’ll do once you’re finished with school.” 

She looked uneasy. “Well, I have thought about it a little. I was going to ask you for your advice about it after school today, actually. Do you have the time now?” 

Winnie was flattered. “Certainly. Though I’m sure you’ll succeed in anything you choose to do after graduation,” she added with a smile. 

Bonnie was a little embarrassed by the flattery. “Thank you. You see, my father is a doctor, so I grew up knowing quite a bit about medicine – well, more than the average girl, I’d say. I just thought…maybe I could do something like that and follow in his footsteps. He always seems very fulfilled with his choice to study medicine.”

“That’s a fantastic idea, Bonnie! You have the perfect temperament to be a doctor or a nurse. And you’ve been such a model student – I’ll write you a glowing recommendation to any school you’d like, just say the word.” 

Bonnie smiled weakly. “That’s very kind of you, Miss Hawkins, and I’m very grateful to you for offering. I’ll have to let you know once I’ve fully made up my mind about it all.” 

Without another word, Bonnie walked over to join her classmates beneath the tree.

Winnie pondered over the conversation for a moment. She had no more than a few seconds to think over what Bonnie had said before there was horrible shrieking from where the students were eating their lunch. 

“Miss Hawkins!” Cora screamed. “Miss Hawkins! Isaac poured his milk all over me!” 

With a deep breath, Winnie collected herself, marching over to her pupils. She should have known better than to hope that Isaac would behave that day – or any day, for that matter.

The school day ended after Isaac received a harsh tongue lashing from Winnie and Cora’s hair had been thoroughly rinsed at the classroom’s wash basin. She always felt horribly guilty after and was unable to meet his eyes despite not raising a hand against the child. The thought had more than once occurred to her that he may derive some sort of smug pleasure from making Winnie miserable after punishing him – but each time she quickly pushed it away, wanting to never think such an awful thing of her pupil. 

The students had gone for the day, leaving behind only silence and a moment of peace for Winnie. She took a few minutes to clean up the place, wiping down the blackboard and sweeping the dust out of the front door before taking her horse back home.

Winnie found her sister quietly painting on the porch when she returned home. 

Beatrice had gained a sort of calm about her in the months that had passed since she found out about her sister’s engagement. She was more often than not found doing something silently, often painting, and had started doing her chores and helping out around the house unprovoked and without complaint. Her family wondered what had brought on such a change in her, but decided to not question what was for the better. It was no secret that she had also grown to be quite beautiful, following in the footsteps of her mother, but had shown little to no interest in settling down. It would seem that Beatrice was happy to paint the rest of her days away all alone.

“That’s lovely,” Winnie told her sister. 

Beatrice looked at her, expression unreadable. She studied Winnie’s face carefully before bringing her brush back to the canvas. 

“Thank you.”

Inside, Mamma was dicing potatoes in the kitchen. 

“You’re home. How was school today?” 

Winnie stretched, feeling exhaustion from a long day in her muscles. “It was fine. Isaac still enjoys tormenting poor little Cora, though. Would you believe that he poured his entire milk bottle on her head today at lunch? If he would just mind his manners, teaching them all would be much easier.” 

Mamma laughed. “Oh, I shouldn’t laugh, but that’s terribly funny. Cora can be so dramatic at times. Anyway, I’m sure the poor boy doesn’t mean to be wicked. He’s been through an awful lot after losing his ranch and having to move here, you know.”

“I know, and that’s why I go easy on him. But it doesn’t feel like I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt when I have to shout at him in front of his classmates. It must be horribly embarrassing for him – I know it is for me.” 

“Give him some time. He’s only eight or nine years old, isn’t he? There aren’t many well mannered children at that age. Watcher knows I had my hands full raising you and Beatrice when you were that small. Be a dear and help me with dinner, won’t you?” 

Winnie wanted nothing more than to kick off her boots and put her feet up by the fire with a good book. Sometimes she hated that she was such a devoted daughter. 

She rolled up her sleeves. “Of course, Mamma.”

Winnie felt Mamma’s eyes on her as she cut up the beef for the stew. 

“What is it?” She asked. 

Mamma waved her hand as if dismissing a thought from the air. “Nothing. I was just thinking that at this time, you should’ve been cooking meals for your husband instead of for us…you would’ve made a terrific wife, darling. I’m sure of it.”

A wave of emotion passed over Winnie like a cold front. She said nothing in response to Mamma. 

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like for me to talk about it, but it breaks my heart that Peter left like that.” 

Winnie put down the knife with a bit too much force, causing Mamma to jump in surprise. 

“Excuse me.”

She escaped upstairs in the loft with her chest aching. Memories she wished to forget came relentlessly flooding back all at once, overwhelming her senses.

“I can’t believe you!” Winnie shouted. “You’re really going to leave your family behind for those people?” 

“'Those people' are my family!” Peter snapped back. 

Winnie’s face twisted in anger. “They disowned your mother for marrying your father. She lost everything because of them, and now you’re ready to abandon your entire life here for their money?”

“You don’t understand – if I don’t go back east then that entire fortune will be lost. I’m the only one who can go there and save it! My grandfather put me in his will for a reason. I think this is his way of making amends. If I go back to the city and inherit – “ 

“Do you hear yourself, Peter? ‘Making amends?’ You never even met your grandfather! You told me that when you were born he didn’t care at all, he didn’t even write a letter to your mother. And you want to go there and save the fortune of some awful man who put your family through so much grief?”

Peter was silent.

“And…” Winnie said quietly. “What about me? And the wedding?” 

Peter watched her with grief in his eyes. 

“What about you and the wedding?” 

She sniffed, hating that she was crying in front of him. “I thought you…loved me. That we had grown to care for each other. Am I truly not enough to keep you here?”

Peter wrapped Winnie in a shallow embrace. 

“No. I’m sorry.” 

She sobbed into his chest, feeling bitter sadness deep in her heart.

Winnie gritted her teeth as more molten tears threatened to spill from her eyes. 

“Winnie? Are you okay?” Mamma called from downstairs. 

She wiped her face with the back of her sleeves and tried to compose herself. She met eyes with her reflection in the mirror. 

“Yes. I’m fine.”

To Be Continued

Previous Chapter | Viper Canyon Index | Chapter Seven

(Tumblr really didn’t want me to upload this chapter!!)

[cartoonfantic8]

!Tower of Nero Spoilers!

My thoughts on the final book!

First of all, let me just say I loved Apollo’s character development! It’s was thing that shined thoughout the series. He started out as this cocky, self-centered god to this warm, compassionate, empathic person who felt so much more human. He really did keep Jason’s promise

Meg is an absolute badass! The fact that she went to go face Nero, her abuser, the guy he killed her dad and a feared ruler, a QUEEN

There were so many parallels between Apollo’s abuse and Meg’s abuse

If I’m being honest, I like many others didn’t like Meg in the beginning but now I love her so much. One of my favorite characters in the Riordanverse now.

LUGUSELWA IS AWESOME, little sus at first but AWESOME

FUCK NERO

I FUCKING HATE HIM

GETTING A 8 YEAR-OLD TO CUT OF LU’S HAND. HE’S SO MANIPULATIVE TOO!

Loved how Luguselwa was Meg’s parental figure, she deserves that so much in her life

Also Meg and Apollo’s sibling relationship was just *chef’s kiss*. Love them so much

SALLY AND PAUL

PAUL BLOFIS IS ONE OF THE BEST MORTALS IN THIS SERISE

Such a caring guy, letting Meg, Lu and Apollo rest at his house even if it puts his family in danger is just wow!

Estelle is adorable. I know a lot of people are commenting on her sea-green eyes but what if Posiden blessed her and she got some water powers and the eyes

Estelle will run the world when she’s older

Also Sally Jackson, a godesss!

SOLANGELO

Love these two!

Just yeah!

WILLIAM ANDREW SOLACE

Also GLOWING WILL

WILL’S ALSO A STAR WARS GEEK

THE SUN TATTOO

Will Solace is an underrated badass and this book really showed it.

The fact that this book really showed Nico’s PTSD is so sad yet at the same time shows how much this kid has gone through so much and can overcome anything

This book shows Nico’s character development and how far he’s come from the first series. Just wow.

The reaction to Jason’s death just broke me

Will + Nico + Rachel friendship/trio gives me life!

Also Rachel comment that if she spills paint on Nico it will ruin his aesthetic

RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE IS A GODESS

The iconic plastic blue hairbrush has returned.

Also that Kane Chronicles reference, now I need a crossover!

Can we just say that Dionysus is the best godly parent, actually rasing Pollux and Castor! Also him helping Nico with his PTSD.

The next generation of campers coming to camp made me emotional. I remember reading about the different campers in PJO and HOO such as Clarisse, Chris, Travis, Conner, Katie, Pollux, Jake Mason, Nyssa, and Malcolm, even Rachel. All these characters who moved on and are off to college. Yeah I’m salty we didn’t get any apperences of them but it was nice to see that their living there lives. Imagine surviving two wars and thinking that your not going to live past sixteen and they did.

These new campers coming in just shows that the cycle of demigods is continuing and there’s a new generation. These campers reminded me of the new fans who are being recently introduced to this amazing book series. Most of the old fans are in highschool and college, growing up and living there lives.

I’m kinda disapponted we didn’t get like a huge battle like Battle of Manehatten but honestly we can’t expect every battle to be like that.

The Apollo and Python battle 10/10 tho

Also Styx, that entire scene gave me chills

Who else cried over an arrow

I’m shocked that Rick didn’t kill anyone like we all expected it but I’m happy no one died

Jason, that entire scene had me sobbing. He was one of my favorite characters and this really shows that not all heroes get happy ending but I don’t consider that death canon

Chapter 32 poem chapter title was a reference to Hamilton, Rick was not being slick at all

Love how Apollo didn’t get a love insterest or end up with Meg! It really show that love can be platonic and this series focused on Apollo’s development

This book felt so real with Apollo’s guilt over Jason, Meg’s abuse and Nico’s PTSD. Well done for a kid’s book that normally can’t touch on these subject.

[lyndiscealin]

Kevin Day and my take on anxiety (disorder)

So... this is bothering me for a few weeks now. The following post will be more about me and my own problems than about Kevin’s. 

I write this because I had a false picture of Kevin for a long long time, which is entirely Neil’s fault. Or it’s my fault mainly because you never should believe what people tell you about other people. Only because Neil says that Kevin is a coward it doesn’t mean he is. So let me tell you why my own nervous breakdown opened my eyes and let me tell you some things about my own anxiety disorder I discovered only a few weeks ago.

But before that, I will explain you why Neil thinks Kevin is a coward. The facts are these: Kevin grew up relatively sheltered. Yes there was some abuse but it’s nothing compared to Neil’s or Andrew’s childhood, right? Yeah I think we kind of are on the same page here. Kevin’s childhood was far from nice or sheltered, but Neil and Andrew had it so much worse. And they turned out kind of brave and Neil seems relatively fine if you think about it.

But let us step a bit back. In our culture we have a really weird take on mental disorders. For us it is okay that Andrew sometimes is not able to function, it’s understandable, because he had it so bad. And we can fully understand that Neil is afraid of older men and can’t accept gifts without having a mental breakdown. But we are not able to comprehend that Kevin has a meltdown when only thinking that he could perhpas meet Riko. With two guardians at his side, with a lot of people watching so there is no way that anything could possibly happen even if Riko would be stupid enough to try something. And that is not understandable because rationally there is no threat, nothing to really worry about. Why can’t Kevin see it? Why can’t he be like Neil or Andrew? Why don’t we get that people can’t control what part of our brain breaks if we get hurt? Let us step even further away. Did anyone you know ever told you they sometimes can’t get out of bed? And you thought perhaps ‘why? Your life is good, no big drama in your family or anything particularly bad happened to you. Why are you depressed? Why can’t you function properly?’ If so, I have an answer for you: Our society treats mental illnesses differently to physical insuries. It’s in all our heads that you have to have a trauma for ‘being allowed’ to get mentally sick. There are people who fall out of a window on the second or third (or even higher) floor and they are okay. And we say ‘oh wow that was luck’. And then there are people who slide on the last step of a stair and break their ankle and their hip and their arm. Nobody says ‘but you just fell down one step??? How are you not able to hold it together? How did you break all those parts of your body? WTF dude?’. No, we accept that it happened, because we can see that it did. We have proof. Someone telling is ‘I broke my arm three years ago’ isn’t proof. We have to believe this person. Someone telling us ‘Nothing really bad happened to but my brain broke nevertheless’ can’t be proven either.

So... it depends a bit on the circumstances. If you fall there are circumstances, too. How good are you at catching yourself? Are you quick enough to grip something which can hold you up? Are you carrying something with you and on instinct you cling to it instead of letting it go and save yourself from the fall? Were you tired so your reactions are slower? Was your body angled weirdly before your fall because you were talking to someone? Is your bone structure alright?

It is the same for mental issues. There are circumstances and every individual lives in other circumstances. For someone who lived very sheltered being yelled at for the first time can be a traumatic experience. There are different coping mechanisms which develope pretty individually and without much control.

Everyone seems to get that there may be people who are just clumsy, but there are not much people who understand that there are some people who can’t defend themselves because they don’t know how. 

So let’s get back to Kevin: Even if the hand breaking was the first cruel thing Riko did to him, Kevin’s psych could have broken nevertheless. And it would be valid. Even if Riko just insulted him from time to time, it could have broken Kevin and it would be valid.

But Neil and Andrew are protecting him! - You might think. There is where my story comes in. So sit back and let me tell you a bit about anxiety disorders. You might know where this is going about now, I will tell anyway.

Let’s inspect my circumstances:

I was born sensitive. I am not sure if this is a genetic thing (I think it isn’t, my family has no sensitiv or empathic bone in them). Recent studies show that new borns try to please their mother so they will get fed. If I don’t mix anything there it is even more obvious with premies,  but I forgot why. I was born nearly 3 weeks early. I don’t know if this is true, but it would explain SO MUCH.

I was one of this babys who are really, really quiet. My mother tells stories about her checking in on me when I slept because she was afraid I had died in my sleep. I nearly never cried and always kept myself entertained. Not much work there.

But I turned out to be a pretty normal kid. There are stories about me getting my bigger sister in trouble and such things.

But then I got this eating disorder. No one knows why and I can’t remember properly. I can remember one day where my sister tried to trick me into eating dinner and I remember being annoyed by it because I knew what she was doing, but I can’t remember why I didn’t want to eat anything. I was fairly young. I don’t know if I was going to kindergarden at the time. So perhaps I was 3? Maybe 4?

Of course my mother was pretty worried. And then this friend of hers told her she should stop putting tableware for me on the table. And when I asked she should say ‘You won’t eat with us, why should I put it on there?’ I can’t remember this day, but every time my mother tells this story, she is proud because she fixed the issue. And I think she did something really horrible there. I don’t blame her. She didn’t know better and she was worried her child might stop eating altogether. But... but a child can’t understand this, right? ‘If I don’t behave like they want to I won’t get something to eat’ might be what I was thinking when she did this. It would make sense. Because I was a really angsty child. There are stories of me not even going to my grandma (who lives in the same house as my parents). I remember being afraid of using the wrong shampoo. I was so afraid of getting in trouble for things normal kids did without thinking about it. My mother has a short temper and she is pretty good in making you feel guilty, but none of my other siblings were as afraid as I was. I was terrified. 

And then my mother got depressed. I don’t know why, I don’t know what happened and I don’t know exactly when it happened but I remember being in 7th or 8th Grade and explaining to my teacher that I fucked up an announced and pretty easy test because my mother had a nervous breakdown a few days earlier. And that wasn’t the starting point of all of it. It began months perhaps years prior. in 8th Grade I was 14 or 15. (I was bullied in school, too, but that has nothing to do with my anxiety and I got over that about 10 years ago, so I will skip this part)

Because I was the sensitive one I was the only one who told other members of my family that whatever my mother did, she couldn’t help herself. I didn’t know what mental illnesses were yet, so I told the others she was pretty stressed and tired. My mother doesn’t know about this. She doesn’t know that for years people came to me to complain about her and I tried to defend her. She had huge fallouts with my sister and my father and my grandmother. Again and again and again. My sister moved out before it got really bad. I don’t even know how much she knows about what happened in the house. 

My mother never did anything more than yelling. She never beat us, she never took away our meals. She tried to be a good mother, I know this. She taught us how to swim and how to ride a bike. She got us through school and all three of us went to university (they are free in my country, she couldn’t have afforded the fees of an amarican university).

But she was emotionally abusive. My whole teenage life I felt like it was partly my fault that she was hurting so much. Because I couldn’t do it right. She never cumminicated enough with us. And every time something went wrong she yelled at us and made us feel like we were a burden. And there was more and more that went wrong because I was so afraid of doing something wrong that everytime I had to ask my mother of something, I waited until the last possible time. Until today my mother thinks I am unreliable and unorganized, but in reality I am obsessive with all my tasks and the only reason I was sloppy as a teenager was because I didn’t had the courage to ask my mother things. 

There ware months (perhaps a year or two even) where she seemed to do nothing but yell. I now call it the ‘divorcing phase of my parents’. They are still married but whenever I hear someone say how their home was a year before their parents divorced I think ‘Oh, that was this thing that happened there’. My parents still live together. Because you don’t give up on family.

That’s the other side of my family and until this year I was kind of proud about this fact: We are holding together. If someone is in need of help, he gets it. Or at least it seemed that way. Turns out that first of all: This is only for non mental things. When I first talked with my mother about my own depression she told me I shouldn’t go to a therapist because they were evil (that’s the short of the speech she gave me).  Second of all: I don’t even know how I should call this. Or how to explain. let’s say... there are a lot of exceptions to this rule and sadly my brother and I fell out of this rule pretty damn often. Third: Helping in need doesn’t mean being nice to each other the rest of the time. I would rather take it the other way around if I’m being honest. It would be shitty still but I can handle my own problems. I can’t bear my familiy....

In the 10 years or so where she was sick and kind of unbearable there was one rule in our household: Don’t get your mother angry. NEVER!!!!

And because my mother got used to it that her emotions were the most important of us all she stopped caring about others emotions. At least it seems like it. Let me give you some of her greatest hits, she told me in my face (it will sound a bit fake because I have to translate it from the german in my head to understandable english without losing information):

You don’t want to see your sister? What happened this time? Really, I can’t stand this right now. 

You are crying because you are afraid of the exam tomorrow? You can’t not write it, you would need even longer for your bachelors degree.

(When I had 2 days every week were I was out of the house from 8:20am until 9:30pm, two days from 8:20am to at least 5pm and had fridays off from university but had to do my homework and other prep still; and she all but worked for 30 hours a week): You never do anything in the household! Every time I come home it looks shitty! You have the weekends off, do something!

And then a week later after I didn’t eat more than one slice of bread each day and she asked me why and I couldn’t say ‘because of her’ because NEVER GET YOUR MOTHER ANGRY!!!! I told her that I was worried about my grades at University so I had some reason for feeling shitty that didn’t involve her... she told me that I had to get my ass up and study more because apparantly I had my weekends off so I had to do something on these days...

After the fall out with my sister which finally got me to go to therapy my mother told me that she wouldn’t get involved in any of our interpersonal problems anymore and that she expected us to behave around one another because we all are family and can be expected to get along (the translation of this sentence is: if you don’t keep swallowing the shit your sister does to you and say another word I will get really angry (AND YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO GET YOUR MOTHER ANGRY!!!!)) She also told my sister that she was grateful my sister lived so far away and they weren’t able to see each other that much

So over time this whole ‘don’t get your mother angry’ thing muteted to ‘shut the fuck up because if you have a problem I get angry.’

This is my context (it is a lot I’m sorry)

But for 6 years now I don’t live with my parents anymore. My mother is better now, the last two years I visited regularly and we even had kind of fun together. I stopped talking with my mother about important things in my life. I still don’t get along with my sister because everything I am she either doesn’t understand or detests greatly (she hates that I am still a student after 10 years (I never took a dime from my family for going to university... just to be clear. I earn my own money since before I moved out))

But it was okay. We got along, most of the visits were pretty nice.

And then corona happened. Not because one of my family members got sick. We are healthy as can be. No... but because of corona I stopped visiting. Additionally my sister got a child.

I called my mother, father and grandmy regularly, everything was fine. I was so well me and my therapist talked about ending therapy. I was happy.

And then I heard that my sister still wanted to get her child baptised and wanted to make it a family event. With 12 people overall.

I didn’t want to come, because for me it was too dangerous. And because it wasn’t just the church visit, it was visiting a restaurant too. No possibility to wear a mask all day, keep distance... a fucking restaurant.

To her defense it was well planned. Both families (hers and her husband’s) were at seperate tables and it was in a seperate room from the rest of the restaurant. The possibility of someone getting sick was low. But it was there. And I was terrified so I said ‘No’.

I talked to my therapist first for a professional opinion on things and he too said it was okay to say no because of the corona situation. He advised me to write an e-mail so I did. I had anxiety attacks for 3 days while I wrote this mail. I let 10 or so people beta read it. I talked to friends if it really was okay to say ‘no’ because I was about to hurt my sister pretty bad with this. AND YOU DON’T HURT YOUR FAMILY!!! YOU JUST SHUT UP AND DO WHAT THEY WANT!!!!

On the day I sent the mail to my sister (and a copy to my parents so there was no ‘he said she said’ situation) my father called me. He was furious. How could I? My poor sister! My mother was also furious. How could I do this? I shoudl think about this. You are afraid? You can’t be afraid all your life you have to take risks and this isn’t even a risk you are ridiculous. It’s still 3 weeks until the event, think about it. He ended the call after 10 minutes with ‘I have to go, I am starting to cry’.

I couldn’t stop walking after this for hours. I walked miles in my apartment. I cried and cried and walked and hyperventilated. I don’t know what I would have done if not for my roommate who held me together somehow. I turned my phone and my mobile off, I was terrified to look into my e-mails. I hurt my family, all of them... I feld like dying. I can’t explain this feeling. This one phone call destroyed me. Completly. And I was better then... I had wanted to... ending therapy wasn’t an option now (and god was I glad we hadn’t decided to end it)

And this was only my father. My sister called me a week later or so. To her defense she really tried to be understanding. She wasn’t, but she tried. She didn’t yell, she didn’t even tell me that she had cried (she did, my grandma told me later) ... she really tried... but she also said that I should call my mother because she was ‘worried’ about me. My brother later told me, that my mother expected a call from me. I waited. Terrified. One panikattack after the other. The babptism went by... My grandma called and told me she wanted to kill my therapist for making me abandon my family. (never told her I even talked with him about the situation, she just assumed)

I somehow lived through her accusations and we ended the call on kind of good terms? But she told me I should call my mother. She wasn’t mad jsut worried. I didn’t want to. I waited.

I missed 4 calls of my mother and on friday I called her back. 5 weeks after I send the mail. I won’t tell you how the call went. It isn’t the point. I think I overshared enough here. It wasn’t pretty, but I have to come back to my point here.

After hearing this story you may imagine what a lot of my friends said: Just shut them out of your life.

But I can’t. My flatmate and all of my friends would help me through it, but I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. They threw everything away what I build the last years with them onyl because I didn’t went to the baptism (my family is not really religous btw. This isn’t about their believe. It’s because it was a family event and I opted out). I am at the end of my tether. But I can’t end it. Because I am terrified.

Because my brain is screaming at me that I can’t do this. I can’t.... I can’t... I can’t. And the longer I wait til my next visit the worse it will get.

I am stuck. My therapist and I try to work on it but it is difficult. There are so much layers of problems there, we aren’t through all of them and I am panicking everytime I have thoughts about my family. And I am angry. I am so, so angry. But I can’t do anything.

I am not a coward, I now this. I grew up in a family I had to duck my had to live. I moved out, started my own life, will get my masters degree in computer science at some point, I go to work like a normal human being and I am able to keep myself together. I am not a coward because the anxiety I feel was forced on me. I am mentally sick. All my coping mechanisms which helped me survive my childhood home are useless now and stand in my way.

I am not spineless. Visiting my family again is the most terrifying thing I ever did even if I know that nothing will happen there. No one will hurt me physically. I will go there and after a few hours I will come back to my home and my cats and everything will be fine. I know this. But I keep having panik attacks. I am still furious. I am terrified. And I feel powerless. Rationally I know that I have all the power here. My family is terrified of me breaking the bonds. I know that. It’s so much leverage, but I can’t use it. I just can’t...

I am not even able to ask my mother to one of my therapie sessions. So my therapist could help me say a few things.

I am terrified of Christmas. I don’t want to go. But I don’t know how to say ‘no’.

So back to Kevin.  I know how he feels when he is forced to see Riko again. I know the feeling. And he is not a coward or spineless; because he goes to games against the ravens, he goes to the banketts and in the last book he gets rid of the number and faces Riko on the court, spits some japanese which makes Riko furious and wins the fucking game. Only because Neil and Andrew can cope better with their Anxiety doesn’t mean Kevin is a coward. After everything I went though the last 12 weeks, I can say loud and clear: Kevin Day is a fucking hero And he has my respect. I hope one day I can get free of my boundaries, too. 

[allaroundcringey]

Dependency ~ Sherlock Holmes

Chapter 2 ~ Eavesdropping

Pairing : Sherlock x Female Reader

Summary : After a few years John Watson was left no choice but to call his old school mate Amelia Harold. The matter of the call you ask? Sherlock's drug problem. What started out as a simple phone call to help out his friend turned out to be so much more: it gave Amelia Harold a chance to find out who deemed her father guilty of murder. Full of friendship, truth, heartbreak, suspense, and love this story showcases what matters most in life: your friends and family.

Warnings : mention of drug abuse, addiction, and emotional abuse in later chapters

A/N : Just want to pop in and say that I plan on making a master list for this series once I get a few more chapters posted! Also- I think my schedule for posting will be every Sunday since a weeks worth of time ensures I can put out good chapters. If I feel the compulsion to post earlier than that then I will. Enjoy chapter 2!

***I do not own any of these characters, plot ideas, and lines taken directly from the show (though there are only a few of those) anything pertaining to Amelia is my original work.***

Both scattered across the ground due to the velocity of the explosion, Amelia and Sherlock quickly got themselves back together enough to stand up again. Sherlock looking nonchalant, Amelia was forced to question his odd behavior after such an event.

"Does this stuff just... normally happen around here?"

"Yes. Now if you would show yourself out that would be lovely." Sherlock said, flipping his night gown with his hand and heading towards his room. Before he could make it far Amelia stuck out her hand to stop him from going any farther.

"I'll leave when I please. And you'll be polite to me since I am company of John's. And I don't take bullshit from anyone especially from Sherlock Holmes. Understand?"

With a silent nod and look of defeat Sherlock sat back in his chair. Amelia could have left when he told her to since she had no reason to stay but she could not stand Sherlock being rude to her again. The main thought she held was how John was able to put up with such a creature.

In an attempt to clear the silence, Amelia spoke up. Sherlock clearly had the same idea since he started to speak at the same time. With an awkward stare, Sherlock spoke up again.

"Why are you so sensitive about your father?" He said bluntly. In truth he didn't mean for it to sound condescending but like many other things he'd said, especially that night, it did.

"How about you learn to shut your mouth and understand that not everyone is an open book. You definitely aren't." Amelia replied with a scoff.

"I only meant to make conversation." Sherlock snapped. Amelia had had a big enough dose of Sherlock for the night (if not a lifetime) and decided to see herself off. Wondering whether she should say goodbye or simply leave she decided on the latter to avoid more tension.

On her way down the stairs making her way around the corner, she caught a glimpse of Sherlock from where he stood near the window. He looked almost lonely. No, he definitely looked lonely. Contemplating on if she should go back up there he caught her staring and immediately put on a facade and slammed the door shut.

~

Today being a day off work, Amelia made her way straight to 221B that morning. She peculiarly found that this morning had been the easiest for her to awake since the traumatic events in her early adulthood. Not wanting to acknowledge the sudden, and frankly scary, change she blocked out the thoughts by what today could hold.

Hopefully John could finally have a moment to sit down with her and explain what he had phoned her for in the first place. What on Earth could Sherlock possibly need from her?

Hailing a cab outside her flat she knew that soon enough she would find out.

~

Pushing her way past the emergency crew outside 221B, Amelia found herself walking up the steps almost as if she had been there many times before. 221B had that affect on people.

When she arrived to the sitting room she found a new face sitting in John's chair. Sherlock of course was sitting in his own chair and John was standing near the desk.

"Hi, did I walk in on something? I'll come back later if you'd like." Amelia spoke directly to John, avoiding the curious gaze the new man cast upon her.

"No it is totally fine. I was just wrapping up anyway. Mycroft Holmes, pleased to meet you." Amelia could tell the smile he put on was fake, and he simply just wanted to get on with the matters that brought him there.

"Amelia Harlod."

"Are you John's girlfriend?" Mycroft asked which received a howl of laughter from John and Amelia.

"Oh my goodness you think I would want to be with this lad?" Amelia laughed, pointing her thumb at John, gasping for breath.

"Mycroft we've been friends since primary school only having recently reconnected again. Nothing of the relationship sorts." John explained so Mycroft could understand.

"Oh. Sorry to imply anything." Somewhat embarrassed, although trying to hide it the best he could, Mycroft turned back to Sherlock. "Maybe you can get through to him John. Or even possibly you Ms. Harold. Sherlock I don't think you understand how urgent this case is."

Tuning out since she felt it wasn't her place to listen, Amelia looked on at the damage that was caused to the flat due to last nights events. All of the previously skewed decorations were truly thrown all over the place now. She questioned whether it was safe to be in the flat at the moment but decided either way it didn't matter. She would have gone in no matter the answer.

Drawn away from her investigation of sorts, she found that Mycroft was getting into the details of the case he wanted Sherlock to take.

"Andrew West was found dead on the train tracks this morning." He stated.

"Tried to kill himself?" John questioned, even though that seemed self explanatory.

"Seems like the ovbious solution but no. West was believed to have held the plans for a missile defense system that are on a memory stick. These are now missing."

"That's not very clever."

"Assuming they have any brain's, it's not the only copy." Amelia added into the conversation, with a look of approval from Mycroft.

"Yes. Indeed that is the case." Turning his attention from John and Amelia he faced Sherlock. "You need to find these plans brother. Don't make me order you."

"I'd like to see you attempt that." Sherlock answered with an eye roll.

"Think on it." Mycroft insisted, that seeming to be his goodbye to his brother. Walking towards John he shook his hand and said his departures to him.

"Goodbye Ms. Harold it was nice to meet you. I hope I'll be seeing more of you." Mycroft added then promptly left the flat.

Annoyingly Sherlock played an ear splitting tune on his violin to match Mycroft leaving.

As soon as Mycroft was out of ear shot John started in on Sherlock. "Why did you tell him you've been busy? Your schedule is completely free to the point it's making you go mad."

"Why not?"

"So it's a rivalry between you two, a sibling rivalry? I wouldn't put it past you." Amelia thought out loud.

"You've known me for a day don't make assumptions." Sherpock answered, dragging the 'day.'

The ringing of Sherlock's phone started cutting off the argument that was bound to happen if the conversation lingered. He immediately picked it up and extanged a few words with whoever was on the other side.

"Ah. How could I say no." He hung up the phone and got up from where he was sitting to leave the flat. "Lestrade called to summon me. Are you coming John?"

"Yeah I guess so." John stuttered throwing a questioning look towards Amelia not sure what to do.

"Oh don't stand there looking like a lost puppy. Come along if you must." Sherlock said frustrated. Amelia wanting to say no just to retaliate but realizing she had no other plans for the day was forced to listen to him, and she followed the consulting detective and blogger out the door.

~

Not returning to the flat until late that night, the three of them were simply exhausted. Sherlock didn't bother to make conversation before heading straight into his room and closing the door behind him. Not that he would have in the first place. Finally having a moment of silence to speak, Amelia and John sat in the sitting room. Sherlock not being there to reprimand her, Amelia sat in his chair.

"I'm sorry it's taken so long to sit down together." John sighed as he sank into his chair.

"Nothing to worry about. I actually had a bit of fun today." Shifting in the chair so her elbows rested on her knees she looked directly at John. "I know you wouldn't have phoned me without a purpose. Not to just catch up."

"I'm sorry for that too. I know I should have called earlier not just when I needed you. I hope you can forgive me because truly I am so glad we are talking again."

"John of course I forgive you. It's my nature to not stay mad at anyone, you know that. Now tell me what you need because I'm getting impatient." Amelia replied with a light laugh.

"It's not widely known to the public but Sherlock tends to not have the healthiest of coping mechanism. Particularly when he's bored."

"Like he was yesterday."

"Yes, exactly. I know that when things with your father went down," Amelia took a sharp inhale at the mention of him as John continued on, "you experienced some of the same things. To put it bluntly I was wondering if you could help Sherlock get over his drug addiction. He says he can easily do it on his own and all other sorts of excuses but something that complicated can't be done by yourself. I'm sure you would understand."

"You would understand also. You were always there for me." Amelia commented with a sad smile, reminiscing on the past.

"I know it's a lot to ask and if you think it will be triggering in any way-" before John could finish Amelia cut him off.

"Even if it is I know how to handle myself. And I can see that you clearly care for Sherlock a lot. And although I don't want to admit it, I see why you care. Of course I'll help in anyway possible."

"Amelia you never cease to amaze me. Thank you again." John said as he got up to hug Amelia. Only staying in the hug for a moment, they released each other when John spoke up once again.

"I know you don't love talking about it but you do know if you need someone to talk to about anything pertaining to your father you know you can come to me. Right?"

"Yes John. I appreciate it." Amelia sighed, which then turned into a yawn.

"You can stay here tonight if you'd like since it's late. Cabs don't usually circle around here at this hour."

"That would be lovely John."

"You can have my bed if you'd like." John offered gesturing towards the upstairs bedroom.

"Well now, that would just be confirming Mycroft's suspicions John! The couch is just fine in all seriousness. Now get to bed." Amelia lightly slapped John across the shoulder in an attempt to shoo him off. After an extange of goodnights, John was off to his bed.

Alone again, Amelia sat on the couch and rubbed her face with her hands. After all these years it was still hard to openly talk about her father. Not wanting to think about him longer she gingerly laid down on the couch, calling it a night.

~

After he heard the final noises of the couch moving, Sherlock sat up from where he was on the floor next to his door with a hard look on his face. Eavesdropping was a bad habit of his. After learning the new information on Amelia and that her intentions were truly good he felt remorse for treating her rudely. He wasn't sure how to make up for his actions. In typical Sherlock fashion he didn't feel comfortable or right saying sorry. Deciding to sleep on it, Sherlock laid down in his bed. Alone again.

[out-of-this-dimension]

MAKE YOU TALK ABOUT FICS??? 25, 16, 11, 6, GIMMIE THAT BEHIND THE SCENES GOODNESS BABEYYY

omggggggg y’all are fueling me <3

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

There’s just... certain scenes that are so fulfilling on an emotional level.  It’s not even that you particularly relate to the scene itself or what the character is going through. There’s some scenes that I write, and I frame them preemptively as “the Big Ones”.  The ones with a lot of emotion-- fear, sorrow, love, etc.  They’re the ones I think I strive to write for at times.  Sometimes I’ll be like “y’know what?  These build up scenes are fine but goddd I cannot wait until I get to write x scene!!!” And then when I do get to write those Big Scenes, it’s just... satisfying.  It’s like you get to pour some of yourself out onto a page.  And you feel the emotion just as strongly as the character... if that makes any sense?  I’ll give examples.

Burning Stars is the longest fic I’ve written iirc so some examples are like the scene where Wolf and Andrew wake up and Archie tells Andrew what Wolf did to his brother.  Or the final scene, when Wolf finds out his siblings made it out okay and that they’re living good, respectable lives.  

There’s... quite a few of these big, emotional scenes planned for Star-Crossed.

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

Yes and no!  I’ve been keeping my SF fics sorta same-style because they’re all within a series.  However, with my non-SF works, I’ve been experimenting a lot!  

My novel draft is first person, present tense, which is something I’ve never done before but am enjoying immensely.  But for the story, it just works nicely.  Similar to Star-Crossed, it deals with a protagonist who has memory loss... albeit on a far grander scale than Wolf and Fox.  So as the protagonist is discovering things, so is the reader.  I used to be third person limited only when it came to writing but venturing out has been a breath of fresh air.  Switching from present tense to past tense, though, has proven tricky when I work on different pieces.  Sometimes I accidentally use the wrong tense, which is something I’ve never struggled with before.  But alas.  It really do be that way sometimes.

And I recently started working on a few drabbles for Dragon Age fics.  I have one that’s like maybe 6k words atm and I’m struggling on if I wanna post it or not.  

11. What do you envy in other writers?

I recently had the pleasure of giving feedback to a friend of mine and gosh, I was head-over-heels when it came to her style of writing.  There was a lot of precision in her wording that made the writing very vivid without being too wordy.  Sometimes, I fear I am very wordy!  So reading that made me a bit envious.

I also envy, of course, things that most would envy-- likes, comments, views, etc.  There’s times where I let that sort of envy get to me in an unhealthy way but it’s been something I’ve been actively working on!

And of course, people that can whip out really good chapters really fast.  I feel like it takes me ages sometimes but lately, I’ve struggled with writer’s block, so maybe that’s why.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

This will either surprise everyone or no one.  I love writing Pigma and Panther quite a bit!  Wolf and Andrew are also great, same with Falco and Krystal.  But Pigma and Panther probably come the most natural to me.  I could probably write an entire novel about Pigma being a piece of shit and have a hayday with it.  He’s shamelessly bad and I love it.

I really loved writing Panther in Alone Together.  My husband even laughed a few times when he was reading some of Panther’s lines.  He’s just a fun character!  Every time I write him, I think to myself “Damn, I should do more Panther fics”.

Honorable mention to my novel draft deuteragonist.  I told myself I wasn’t gonna talk about that project here but I had to give him a s/o for existing rent-free in my head.  I hope someday everyone gets to meet him in an official format but that’s a long road yet.

[findmeintheafterglow]

A Guide to Every Single Newsie

There are way too many of those punks. If you’re new to all this come learn whom is who

Let’s start with some pictures, they’re blurry because it’s surprisingly hard to get a decent screenshot. There are lots of them but hopefully just seeing their faces a few times will help you. Recognizing them just comes with time trust me, I used to struggle to find Race and now I see a pic of someone's feet and am like “ah yes Finch my boy”. Also, I’m only covering the newsies live cast because that’s what you can legally watch and what most people are familiar with. Also, I didn’t want to do every cast member to ever be on Broadway or tour.

Please note some of the things I’m about to say may not be canon but are part of what I know is widely considered true within the fandom. As far as sexuality I may mention it with some characters/who they’re commonly shipped with just so y’all aren’t lost when you see fics and things.

Jack: You know Jack so I’m not going that deep into his character. He’s 17, full name Francis Sullivan, newsie nickname is Cowboy. He’s the leader of the newsies of Lower Manhattan. A charismatic asshole who really just wants meaningful relationships and happiness for those he loves. Undeniably bisexual. Played by Jeremy Jordan.

Davey: Full name is David Jacobs, newsie nickname is Walking Mouth though he’s only addressed by his nickname in the 1992 movie. The most educated, attended school until he was around 17 ish. He’s a doofy little nerd and also mom friend ultimate, I repeat bc this is a defining trait Mom Friend Ultimate. I’m not sure if this is canon but pretty much everyone recognizes that he and his family are Jewish. Played by Ben Fankhauser.

Les: Sassy angel child. Full name Lesley Jacobs. Albert calls him shortstop a few times but it’s not quite a newsie name tm. 10 years old(almost). Also pretty Jewish. He’s kind of an impressionable little firecracker, he looks up to all the newsies but especially Jack. He just has a lot of energy and wants to hang with the big kids. Sass master in training. Buckets of charm packed into about 4 feet of human. Played by Ethan Steiner.

Crutchie: Crutchie! You know him! You’ve already fallen madly in love with him! Lost use of one of his legs to polio. Last name is Morris for sure and a lot of people say his real name is Charlie. Jack’s closest friend. He’s often painted as a pure sunshine boy, he is a pure sunshine boy. However, he is also tough, streetsmart and ready to fight. Very kindhearted and eternally optimistic. Played by Andrew Keenan-Bolger(you may see it abbreviated as AKB).

Race: This boy has lots of names so strap in. Racetrack Higgins is his name, people mostly call him Race not Racetrack. He is also sometimes called Racer. I don’t think this is canon but as a fandom, I think we’ve determined that he’s aggressively Italian and his real first name is Antonio, you may also see Anthony or Tony. Best friends with Albert. Crutchie is Jack’s best friend but Race is sort of Jack’s second in command. Sprace, him and Spot Conlon, are pretty much the biggest ship in Newsies. He’s a gambler and has an affinity for betting on horse races. He sells by the Sheepshead Racetrack hence his nickname. Very easy to recognize because he always has a cigar. The definition of a disaster gay. He has good intentions most of the time but is also a chaotic piece of shit. Played by Ben Tyler Cook(BTC).

Albert: Albert DaSilva is his name, having fantastic hair is his game. Race’s best friend. Personality is similar to Race but a little less chaotic, like he still does dumb things all the time but isn’t nearly as loud. Prankmaster and Sassmaster ultimate. Lives on the lower east side with his dad and two older brothers but generally that fact is ignored and he’s lumped in as living in the lodgings.  His cap is on backwards most of the time which can help you recognize him. Played by Sky Flaherty.

Spot: Spot Conlon, the man, the myth, the legend. Leader of Brooklyn. Comically short but will also soak you without hesitation. Side note bc I didn’t know this for a long time: the newsies call beating someone up “soakin’ ‘em” because you beat them up so bad they’re soaked in blood. Back to Spot, he’s tough as nails but also cares about his boys in Brooklyn a lot. Played by Tommy Bracco.

Elmer: A smart yet small boy. Very good at math and science and somewhat interested in politics. He has 8 older siblings. Polish apparently? I learned this very recently?? A very friendly and sunshiney guy. The newsies make fun of him saying that he’s bad at selling papes. He’s a hardworker. This is definitely not canon but you may see his last name as being Kasprzak. This comes from Evan Kasprzak, the actor who played Elmer in the Papermill and Original Broadway Casts. People like writing about Elmer so they just kinda gave him that last name and it works. Played by Anthony Zas.

Jojo: Jorgelino Josephino De La Guerra where to begin. A good Catholic boy. He was raised by nuns in a cathedral in Harlem. A nice boy, a kind boy. Down for some shenanigans but is generally reasonable and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Very ambitious and wants to be a big baller(in KONY he wishes for a solid gold watch I mean). Played by Joshua Burrage.

Buttons: Benjamin Buttons Davenport, what a guy. So I don’t know that he’s actually younger but he definitely reads as a little more youthful. He’s optimistic and easily excitable and overall kinda has this genuine hope and happiness that some of the other guys have lost to the street. He lives with his family and has at least a few siblings but I feel like he has hella. Not gonna be last in line for the tub tonight. Played by Chaz Wolcott.

Romeo: Will flirt with anything that moves. He has very distinctive bright red and blue striped socks if that helps you identify him. Is one of the younger newsies but makes up for it with overconfidence. Very lighthearted, we never see him get too serious. A charmer through and through. Still a very kind and caring guy. Played by Nico DeJesus.

Specs: Specs is a good one. He wears glasses obviously so you can identify him pretty easy. Definitely on the older end of the newsies. There’s no basis for this in canon but I feel like he’s been around longer than Jack. Kind of helps lead and run things with Race and Jack because he’s the most responsible motherfucker in that lodging house. Think kinda like Davy where he’s a bit of a mom but more easygoing, less cautious and more one of the boys. Generally a happy guy and so so sweet. Very forward thinking and genuinely likes selling papes. Played by Jordan Samuels.

Finch: Finch! A personal favorite please show him love. Full name is Patrick Cortes. He has a family(or at least a mom) but ran away when he was little. He carries a slingshot with him a good amount of the time so use that to find him. He’s sarcastic, funny, and always rarin’ to go. Tough but not in an “I’ll fight you” way. He will fight you if needed but it’s more like “Life’s a bitch but look how far I’ve made it”. Kinda like a cool older brother vibe but throw in a good handful of antsy. Played by my main man Iain Young.

Sniper: Mkay it’s time for the tough boi trio, these next three are fighters. Last name is Wah. His dad is named Sam Wah and owns a laundromat above Jacobi’s Deli. You may see him as a girl in fics or hcs because for almost all of the tour he was played by a woman. Boy has aim like no other. He is confirmed to be the quickest and strongest of the newsies. Also sly and cunning. Boy’s like a snake or a fox or whatever simile you prefer but regardless be scared. Has a reputation so people don’t mess with him. Would never hurt another Manhattan boy, he’s scary but he defends his brothers. Played by Daniel Switzer.

Tommy Boy: Don’t know a ton about Tommy Boy but here we go. He’s a man of few words, when he talks his answers are brief and to the point. Not in a mean way though that’s just how he is. Appears to be confrontational as he’s consistently seen stepping to a fight(before the world will know when Jack says “keep your shirt on” and when he scabs he gets in people’s faces). A good dependable guy but kinda mysterious, I would not provoke. Played by Michael Dameski.

Mush: Last name is Myers. First name is possibly Nick? In the real strike, there was a boy named Nick Myers so. He lives in Harlem?? But who cares about canon, ignore that. Mush is a ‘hattan boy. Has a lisp. He considers himself to be the muscle of Manhattan and will throw down for his brothers. When the strikebreakers show up, Jack literally has to hold him back because Mush is just trying to get to those hoes so he can protect the rest of the boys just yellin’ “Nah man I’ll get ‘em”. Very caring and very selfless. Boy’s got muscle but is totally a teddy bear with a heart of gold. I’ve always thought of him as your classic rough and tumble but clean-cut caring all-American boy. Played by Nick Masson.

Henry: Last name is possibly butler after the real life newsboy, Henry Butler but the only confirmed name we have is Henry. Became a newsie at 11 when his dad died and his family lost their deli. Has a mom who he still sees sometimes but doesn’t live with. Boy really likes food. It reminds him of the deli with his dad and also he just really. likes. food. Fairly easygoing, practical, and will call guys out on their bullshit(e.g. whom the fuck cares about being famous). Played by Michael Rios.

Smalls: Smalls! I don’t got much at all but here’s what I know. Very commonly thought about as a girl as Smalls was played by girlsies for all(?) of the Broadway run. Pretty firey or at least high energy. Sometimes headcannoned as being leader of the Bronx because in the normal not filmed staging he’s the one to yell “so’s the Bronx”. Played by Julian DeGuzman.

Mike: Twin brother of Ike. These guys are hard to tell apart because they’re played by actual twins but here are some distinctions. Mike wears a brown cap, a plaid shirt, and green socks. Played by Jacob Guzman.

Ike: Twin brother of Mike. Has a dark grey cap, a striped shirt, pin-striped pants, and brown socks. Both twins seem to be pretty fun-loving. They kinda rough house a lot and are often messing around. Played by David Guzman

Hotshot: A Brooklyn newsie, I don’t really know his deal? A typical production doesn’t have Hotshot in it but he was in the filmed version and was apparently there towards the end of the broadway run. Kind of arrogant and tough. Sometimes seen as Spot’s second. Has literally only ever been played by J.P. Ferreri.

Vince/Myron: Ok so for newsies live they just threw in some extra newsboys for the heck of it and this guy is one of those. I don’t even know his name because the actor who plays him also plays a strikebreaker. On the wiki cast list, it just lists him as playing Vince and Myron with no indication as to who’s the newsie and who’s the strike breaker. Just from the nature of the names I can guess that Vince is the newsie? A big tough Brooklyn boy. Played by Stephen Hernandez.

Willie/Bart: Same deal as Vince/Myron. I’d be willing to guess that Willie is the newsie. Another Brooklyn boy. Played by Andrew Wilson.

Kenny: Also thrown in just for newsies live but I actually know his name. A pretty sunny guy, as far as I can remember he’s always smiling. Not in any of the pictures because he’s not in any of those scenes. It’s the same guy who plays darcy so go to carrying the banner or once and for all and find the guy in the yellow suit. That’s Darcy, Kenny looks just like that but in newsie clothes. Played by Jack Sippel.

Am I about to throw Bill and Darcey in just for kicks? yeah I think I am. Ok so this is a last minute decision and I don’t have pictures for these guys but here we go.

Bill: Not a newsie. Son of William Randolph Hearst, owner of the New York Journal. Full name William Randolph Hearst Jr. Katherine and Darcey’s friend. A sophisticated, classy, educated boy. Not tough in a street way but is kind of cold/reserved or maybe just a bit calculating. You can definitely tell he’s a rich boy by the way he holds himself. Looks like Mush bc they’re played by the same actor. Blue suit. Played by Nick Masson.

Darcey: Not a newsie. Son of Whitelaw Reid, owner of the New York Tribune. Still high class but more excitable and interested in the newsies world. Very kind and always concerned of behalf of others. His sweetness does not equal weakness, when Romeo approaches Kath in Carrying the Banner, he’s ready to handle the situation. Yellow suit. Played by Jack Sippel.

so there we go that is every newsie I could think of and then some. I’m gonna attach the pictures I have of an old wikipedia cast list which is what I use for reference since the one that's on wiki now isn’t great

That’s it! If you actually read all this, God bless you. If I got anything blatantly wrong or if you have any questions please talk to me

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 1x2 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

It has now been two weeks without new AWAE content, and the fate of the show is still uncertain, no matter what Moira might have said recently. She did say, however, that “you can return to it and it will always be here for you”, so let’s dive right into what I remember to be one of the darkest episodes in the whole series...

I said dark, and it’s dark, alright - even just in  terms of lighting. The cold open is almost black and white (with a lot more black than white), and fully deserving of the modifier “cold” (although that is just a technical term and there have been quite a few beautiful cold opens throughout the series). I’m not sure how I’m supposed to make it through this, but well, I made it once before, so why not?

I cannot imagine the intensity of the negative emotions Anne must have been taken over by in order to be rendered completely speechless. Not after she spoke some of her “25-cent words” even when she claimed to be in the depths of despair. Imagine how much worse she must be feeling now. Imagine that if you can, because it is beyond me. 

You know, one of the most horrific things about this episode in my memory of it was the man that claims to have been sent “by her family”. I mean, it is horrific to think what would have happened to Anne if she had gone with him, it is utterly horrific that there must be other kids out there who might fall prey to him, but something I hadn’t considered before is how horrific, though lucky at the time, it is that she doesn’t believe him because she has no family at the time. I mean, as much as I am... at odds with my family, to say the least, I couldn’t ever imagine a life without them. It must be so terrible, I don’t even have a word for it in my vocabulary of four languages. 

I don’t even want to think about what must be going through poor Matthew’s mind right now. The man has never been a parent in his life, thought he might become one to Anne for a little while, and now he seems to be losing her again. I do not want to watch my favourites suffer so much, and yet I will have to. I sent myself on this journey, and now I’ll have to go through with it. 

You know how much worse it feels to return to something bad after you’ve seen better? Anne might have survived the orphanage with at least half her sanity, but not after she’s seen Green Gables. We saw the way she viewed it and every single thing within it. Going back to that nightmarish place again after that...I don’t want to think about it. Gosh, even seeing her go back just to investigate her past in season 3 was so frightful, imagine how she must feel now that she thinks she’ll have to live there indefinitely... 

You have no idea how relieved I am to see this horrifying cold open is finally over. I might have to go back and watch the 3x5 cold open with Beekeeper Gilbert to fix me after this. Not that the rest of the episode promises to be much brighter... might as well focus on the intro.

As dark as this episode is, seeing my tiny boy Jerry for a minute brightens it a bit for me. See, this is what rewatching is for. When I was watching the episode for the first time, there was no way for me to know that Jerry would go on to become one of the little bright lights that this series would bring into my life. And now just seeing him in the middle of all the tragedy and drama of it all, just being there, not fazed by the whole situation... his neutral presence is kind of grounding for me. 

As Marilla delivers her worried speech, I’m getting flashbacks of 3x9, where she is in a similar situation - except she already saw Anne as her daughter at that point. Here, Anne still hasn’t quite grown on her, and yet she is so worried - but I mean, after all, it was Marilla who sent her away, only to realise her error immediately afterwards. That last one kind of reminds me of Anne in 3x10 ripping up Gilbert’s letter and then running down to put it back together. It’s kind of on a lower scale of importance than what is happening in this episode, but I can’t help seeing it as an Anne/ Marilla parallel. They really have much more in common than it might seem at first.

Sure, Rachel might be there to try and calm Marilla down and give her hope, but... “Boy!” He has a name, you know. Wouldn’t hurt to learn it, even if he’s just the hired boy (of course, he’s not “just” anything, he’s a honorary part of the family - even if he’s in no way there to replace Anne). Rachel has good intentions, but she annoys me most of the time. 

That one shot of Anne peeking through the leaves and branches... this episode might be dark, but it still has moments that are 100% my aesthetic. 

[Image credit: kissthemgoodbye]

Mr. Avery? Isn’t he the one who unknowingly helped Ka’kwet escape in 3x8? I don’t know much about this man, but what I know is he’s given a ride to both Anne and Ka’kwet, this being one of many similarities between the two. Seriously, I need a season 4 in which Ka’kwet is saved from that school.

Seeing Matthew go through all this when he doesn’t even know for sure if he’ll ever find Anne... heartbreaking. He really does love her already. A true kindred spirit. But seriously, that girl didn’t look like her at all, even from the back. She did remind me of season 3 Anne, though.

Seeing Anne so cheerful and her usual talkative self brightens my day, except I don’t know how long it’s going to last, and at this point I’m completely lost as to what she’s planning to do. But that’s what rewatching is for. 

Poor Matthew went through more in a couple of days than he’s been through his whole long life... possibly. I certainly hope so. And Marilla can’t even bring herself to speak (which isn’t as striking as when it was Anne, but still), and she’s going out of her way to take care of Jerry, as if to make up for how she treated Anne. The girl really shook up their lives in just so little time, didn’t she?

I will never forget what I thought when I first watched Anne recite poems at the station. I could never do that, I thought. People frighten me. But there is Anne, who has been hurt, abused, neglected by so many, and yet she keeps that bright big smile on her face and goes on reciting with the truest passion I’ve ever seen. I have no words to describe my admiration for her.

I cannot to this day believe Anne was willing to turn her back on Matthew - all until she heard the word “daughter” - spoken with such sincerity that she must have felt it in the depths of her soul. Poor old Matthew, who went through all this trouble just to find her again... and she was going to turn her back on him because having a family seemed too good to be true. Because she had been hurt one time too many. But this little word changed it all. It warms my heart, you know - seeing Anne find family in the Cuthberts, then in other people around her. I’m not crying, you are.

At several points after Anne came back, I could see Marilla was trying to apologise for accusing her of stealing the brooch - but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Because she’s obviously still overwhelmed with guilt over what happened to Anne after that. And my, you could cut the tension between the two of them with a butter knife. Just resolve this quickly, will you? It’s obviously making Matthew feel very uncomfortable.

Jerry’s attitude to Anne is killing me... in a positive way. As in, it makes me laugh. These two are such typical siblings - they just don’t know it yet. There’s a heartbreaking moment to it, though, and it will always be there: after seeing him so destroyed, so insecure in 3x7, every instance of him just being a shameless little deadpan snarker will be a slap in the face reminding me of the one single time he wasn’t. I’m not even sure if an apology on Diana’s part would fix this completely, but it wouldn’t hurt to try, now would it? #renewannewithane

Speaking of Diana, there she is now. And she’s so openly happy to see Anne back... I say openly because Marilla flat out refuses to show any emotion about it, and Matthew isn’t exactly know for his eloquent expression. And Jerry was all like “leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep here, and I stayed up late because of you”. So yeah, it sure is nice to hear someone openly express joy about seeing her back.

And of course, the Barries just have to ruin it all, don’t they? It’s surprising how open-minded Diana is with parents like these. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had turned out like Josie. And yet she’s not. How do these things happen?

I see Billy Andrews did not start out much better than he ended up... in contrast to Prissy, who did start out at the very bottom - “Doesn’t she have awful red hair?” Well, to say it in Diana’s tone, she didn’t choose to have red hair, did she? And she’ll try to change it with disastrous results. But there’s time for that. And for Prissy’s great character development.

That scene where Marilla finally apologises to Anne... it was a glimmer of gold in the pitch black atmosphere of this episode. I think Jerry deserves an apology scene at least half as good as this one. And Diana deserves it too, as she didn’t mean to hurt him so bad. The season 3 finale did us dirty in pretending like nothing ever happened between them. But as I said a little while ago, Diana was raised by her parents, so it’s understandable why she acted the way she did. I just think she deserves her character development to be acknowledged by getting a good apology scene with Jerry. We must make that happen. #renewannewithane

Oh, I had forgotten this happened in this episode! But what a beautiful, bright end to a dark and frightful chapter it is... Anne becoming an official Cuthbert. And there are all those little details hinting at the future... the cordial, the pen... my heart is melting.

“Anne Shirley- Cuthbert of Green Gables, nee Halifax” Goodness, Anne, you’re not marrying Green Gables! Speaking of marrying, it’s such a pity we’ll probably never get to see Anne add Blythe to her list of last names. But when that happens, I believe she won’t drop the Shirley- Cuthbert. I mean, it’s so beautifully symbolic. Shirley, her past and origin; Cuthbert, her present and the first real family she’s had (just because her birth parents were robbed of the chance to raise her); and Blythe, her future, her soulmate. Three whole families that she belongs to - the girl who once didn’t have any family but herself. I think that’s beautiful.

To sum up, in this episode we saw: lots of impenetrable darkness, literal and figurative; Matthew nearly getting himself killed while looking for Anne; Marilla nearly falling ill from worrying for both of them; Anne keeping her head up and earning her wages by performing poems and stories at the train station; Matthew calling Anne his daughter for the first time; Jerry’s grounding semi-detached presence amid the drama; Marilla coming to terms with what she did and apologising beautifully; most people of Avonlea not being quite convinced about Anne yet; Anne becoming an official Cuthbert.

[sweetestrequiems]

Alright I got tagged by at least FIVE people, so... I’ll do EVERY set of questions, and the person who asked them is getting tagged so y’all have references as to who I’m referring to. (By the way, this is a SUPER LONG post.)

Let's get this goin’. Questions are all under the picture of Kelsey Colbert, and nicely divided by pictures of Kelsey Colbert:

@six-fragile-dreams​:

1) How are you today? -Pretty chill. Pro’ly caught a cold, but I can get through it.

2) Favourite animals, colours and artist? -Owls -Monochrome Schemes/Galaxy Schemes/Pastel Pink/Charcoal Black -Kelsey Colbert, ‘nuff said.

3) What's your favourite conspiracy theory? -Aliens and call me lame for it but I will only believe either side with scientific evidence presented to me.

4) Do you like chocolate? -Yes, yes I do.

5) Coffee or Tea? -Coffee, all day, every day. 

6) Favourite scent and flavour? -I love vanilla scented things. Also, cherry blossoms. -Coffee flavored things are nice, but really... anything overtly sweet like candied pecans is nice too.

7) What's your favourite genre? -Of literature? Poetry. -Of music? “Classical” (Baroque/Classical/Romantic) and Jazz

8) Biggest inspirations? -I’ll leave this one blank because... it is such a long list...

9) Favourite perfume or body spray? (or any other thing like that) -Japanese Cherry Blossom and Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath & Body Works. Call me basic.

10) List your 5 favourite artists! -Kelsey Colbert -Taylor Swift -Lauren Daigle -Ariana Grande -Adele

@frogs-in-clogs​:

What instruments can you/ do you wish you could play? -I answered a whole ask about this. Click here for that.

Do you like audiobooks? -Nope. I prefer having the actual book in my hand.

Favourite board game? -I’m more of a card game gal. Magic the Gathering, Cardfight! Vanguard, FutureCard Buddyfight, or die by my blade.

Have you ever broken a bone? -Yep! I broke it playing softball. Broke the middle finger on my left hand. 

Would you rather live in a city or a village? -A mix of both is the best thing for me. A not so populated city, but urbanized enough for me to be happy. But if I HAD to pick, probably a city.

Biggest inspiration? -Once again, list so long it'll take up twenty minutes of your time.

Do you listen to music when revising? -As in... writing stuff? Yeah, I do. I have a whole playlist dedicated to it.

Guilty pleasure music? - *sweats in salsa music*

How would you describe your accent? (Sidenote, how do you imagine my accent? I'm intrigued) -I... don’t know how to describe what a Puerto Rican sounds like?

Do you believe in aliens? -Scroll up, I ain’t answering again.

@boombiotch​:

1. Favorite musical, if you listen to any? -Of all time? Cats. I LOVE Andrew Lloyd Webber scores.

2. Favorite ice cream flavor? -Butter Pecan

3. Favorite OC, if you have one? -The high school student who wants to sometimes slap her best friends with her binder, 17 year old Meghan Isabella Pereira.

4. If you could learn any language, what would you choose? -Irish. 

5. Moon or the sun? -I like warmth, so the sun. But, I am a sucker for the moon too.

6. Do you have a favorite flower? -Hibiscus! 

7. Are you a morning person? -Nope.

8. Do you like to write? - *sweats in Ao3 and this account*

9. Do you believe in ghosts? -Yes.

10. Ayy what do you think of me? *awkward fingerguns* -You’re honestly a total sweetheart, and I am very glad you’re in my life!

@bchcadcd​:

1.) What’s your favorite memory? -A tie between my high school graduation in 2017, and being told I’d be playing Helga in PUFFS the Play.

2.) Do you get attached to people easily? -Yes, yes, yes. 

3.) Favorite mythological deity? -The Mórrígan, Demeter, Persephone, and Shiva.

4.) Favorite superhero? -Comics: Spider-Man (Tom Holland’s Peter Parker), Supergirl (Melissa Benoist’s Kara Danvers) -Anime: Mt. Lady / Rabbit Hero, Mirko / The R Rated Hero, Midnight

5.) Do clouds have feelings? -I believe so.

6.) Favorite childhood book series? -Warriors

7.) What’s your love language? -The little things. Noticing how someone’s eyes light up when they’re happy, or the little scratchiness of their voice when they talk. Call me hopeless, but I value those little things.

8.) Do you put any stock into personality indicators? (MBTI types/Hogwarts houses/Zodiac signs/etc.) -Not too much, but it’s nice to know it. (If anyone is curious ‘bout me: INFJ-T / Hufflepuff / Virgo Sun - Pisces Moon - Gemini Rising )

9.) Favorite genre of show? -If we mean live theatre? Opera. Nothing against musicals, but opera draws more emotion. 

10.) Favorite cast member from six? -Studio: Aimie Atkinson -Broadway: Samantha Pauly (Hon. Mention: Andrea Macasaet) -1st UK Tour/West End: Natalie Paris (Hon. Mention: Maiya Quansah-Breed) -West End: Courtney Bowman (Hon. Mention: Jarnéia Richard-Noel) -2nd UK Tour: Jodie Steele -Bliss 1.0: Alicia Corrales-Connor -Bliss 2.0: Megan Leung -Breakaway: Amy Bridges -Australia/New Zealand: Kala Gare (Hon. Mention: Courtney Monsma)

@one-time-i-jumped-off-a-cliff​:

1.  What’s your phone background? -Aimie Atkinson lockscreen, Millie O’Connel home screen.

2. Do you have any siblings? -Two older brothers. I’m the youngest of three.

3. Go-to party trick? -Don’t have one. I don’t go out much.

4. Voice type? -Mezzosoprano, with emphasis on Alto voicing. (If you speak of music, that is.)

5. Are/were you one of the popular kids in middle school? -Nope. I was the loner. The one everyone was scared would snap and actually do atrocious things. Little did people realize though, I’m actually a sweetheart. They’re all trying to be my friends now, I just keep denying ‘em.

6. If I gave you a puppy right now, what would you name it? -Shadow. 

7. How many languages can you communicate in some way in? -Three, four if you count Morse Code. (Spanish/English/Japanese)

8. Do you play any sports? -Used to play Tennis, used to play Softball. -Also did Marching Band. (Fight me on the definition, I dare you.)

9. Opinion on Dear Evan Hansen? -Brings a good light on mental health issues, but it needed a better approach to it as well.

10. What was your first fandom on tumblr? -In technicality... In the Heights. I didn’t really see myself involved with fandoms until much more recently.

My questions to you! Feel free to say I tagged you!

Summer or Winter?

The beach, or the mountains? 

There’s a red button in front of you. You press it, and you receive a million dollars. But, someone random in the world dies. Do you press it?

Favorite fashion trend/style?

Favorite all-time lyric from a song? 

Favorite sound from nature?

Who’s your favorite YouTuber, who are they, and what do they do?

What’s your Hogwarts house? 

What’s your favorite work by William Shakespeare? (Sonnets and all included, not just limited to stage plays.)

If you got thrown into a fantasy world, what kind of powers would you like to have?

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE 

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so! 

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down) 

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building) 

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively! 

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major) 

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything) 

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak. 

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies 

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop 

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others. 

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself. 

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders