#so it'll be random stuff that i notice or happened to remember out of the blue

[brindlestorm]

One of the worst things about having memory problems (for me at least) is when you have a totally mundane memory about something that somehow manage to stick with you for so long and someone says “that was never a thing”, so you spend months or years thinking it’s not real and you just made it up until someone else comes along and says “yeah I totally remember [x] thing, loved/hated that stuff growing up”.

And then suddenly you have validation that its real so you start questioning everything else people told you wasn’t real and leads to more and more anxiety as your world kind of crumbles without actually falling apart if that makes sense.

[chronicbeans]

Let's Make a Deal! (Yandere Queerplatonic Alastor x Fallen Angel Reader)

Part 1: Hello, Deer!

Part 2, Part 3

TW: Fear and Panic, Confusion

You wake up, your eyes opening to see a red sky above you. It takes you a few moments, before you remember what happened. You got kicked out of Heaven... Someone had convinced the other angels to cast you out, by lying about you...

You sit up from your spot on the ground, looking to your wings and frowning. Their gold hue has turned to an ash grey. You quickly begin panicking, realizing the horrible situation you are in. You are in Hell, alone, with no knowledge on what it is like. You being a fallen angel makes things worse! What if the people here don't like angels? That'd be reasonable, considering the exterminations... You never took part, but it'd make sense...

You stand up, your legs shaking a bit, before you run in a random direction through the streets. You feel millions of eyes on you. You need to find some way back to Heaven! To convince them to let you go back! To-

You are so lost in your head, you don't process where you're going, despite looking ahead of you. You run straight into somebody. Your eyes widen as you look up at a tall woman in a red blazer. She turns, looking to you... Then, her eyes suddenly sparkle. "Oh my goodness! Are you an angel? Please, please come with me!"

As you are about to protest, your hand is grabbed and you are dragged along the streets towards a hotel. She's also singing some sort of song, but you are too spaced out and panicked to actually process it. Before you know it, you're standing inside a hotel, dazed and confused, surrounded by sinners...

"WHERE AM I?!" You wave your arms a bit in a panic, as the woman stops singing and tries to calm you. "No, um! You're at the Hazbin Hotel! A place of redemption! You, um... you're an angel! A fallen angel, yes? So, you now have a chance at being redeemed!" She then gestures to herself, smiling nervously "I'm Charlie Morningstar, princess of Hell." You look up to her, trying to calm down. "Like... The daughter of Lucifer?" "Well, yes.... But Lucifer was an angel, too! So, I'm sure you both will have a lot in common, and-"

"Now now, dear, why don't you give our new guest some space?" You look over to the entrance to the hallway, which leads to the rooms, spotting a... Tall deer demon, dressed mostly in red. His wide grin fills you with anxiety, as you notice the pointy teeth. He continues, his voice sounding as if it's coming through an old-school radio. "My, my! They look like a deer in headlights!" He then laughs, taking a few steps over to you.

When he stands right next to you, you notice how tall he is. Everybody here is so tall?! You frown, taking a deep breath, while Charlie takes a step back. "Sorry..." You wave to her, taking deep breaths "No, no, it's alright... I'm just a bit panicked! This um...! I just fell into Hell. I don't know where I am, or why exactly I was casted out...!"

"Darling, our lovely princess of Hell here, has brought you to the right place, then! The Hazbin Hotel is the safest place in Hell! We have Lucifer, himself, guarding this place!" The deer man then wraps an arm around you, continuing. "I am Alastor, the host of this establishment! Let me show you around. Charlie was just out buying stuff to get the next workshop ready, so I'm sure she's going to be busy getting it all up and running." She is about to complain, before Alastor then looks over to her. "Charlie, dear, you know how you are. If you don't get it done now, it'll never get done." "Fine... Thanks for helping, Alastor." "No problem, my dear."

He then grabs your hand, leading you along. You follow, hesitantly, too afraid of the entire situation to say no. Your heart was still racing with fear, and your mind with all the worst outcomes. What if he kills you? What if he eats you alive? What if Lucifer shows up?! What it-?!

You feel a random tapping on your head, knocking you out of your thoughts. You look up, seeing that Alastor literally bopped your head with his microphone. "Are you listening? I said that this is your room." "Ah... sorry. I got caught up in my own thoughts..." He grins a bit wider, patting your head. "Don't be worried. I made sure to place your room right next to mine, so that I can keep you safe!"

That isn't very comforting, but you hold back that comment... "Alright, Alastor..." You slowly open the door, expecting the worst. This is Hell. The room's probably going to be terrible.

You peek inside, a bit shocked by how it looks. It looks a bit like a warm cabin, of sorts. Certainly not something you'd see in a regular hotel. It has a warm fireplace, dark cherry wood floors, some nice furniture, and a comfortable looking bed. You walk over to the fireplace, the fire inside looking to be an unnatural, but beautiful, red and pink flame.

"Now then... what's your name, dear?"

You flinch, looking over to him. The room seems to have calmed you down, a little, even if you still feel slightly uneasy. "I'm (Y/N)... As you could already tell, probably, I'm a fallen angel, not a sinner." "Well, to have fallen, you've probably done something wrong, yes?" Alastor walks over to you, his grin turning a bit smug. "Though, I shall say, with the way you act like a scared little bird, it probably wasn't something as bad as the others in Hell. I'll give you that much." Once again, he boops you with his microphone, this time tapping your nose with it. "I'll also give you a pass on not introducing yourself for this long. You must've been so frightened, you simply forgot!" You gently nod, taking a deep breath.

He steps away, grinning. "Now then, take your time to get settled in! I'm sure you'll be here for a while! Farewell!" Before you can even respond, he's closed the door and left your room. You stand there, in front of the fireplace, flabbergasted. He's strange... You get an off-putting vibe from him, but then again, that's how you feel about everything in Hell.

You look back to the red and pink flames, and you swear, for a brief moment, that you see a small flicker of green in them.

[spooky-bunnys]

Part 2 for south

So since plan a failed he decides to go with plan b buying the perfect apology gift

Little does he know the reader is out minding he’s business maybe doing some shopping for himself and the reader crosses paths with imma say is an gang enemy of south’s gang (if that makes any senses) and before the gang member can land a hit on the reader he’s immediately taken down by south with just one punch (since he is strong and unrelated note he’s like 7 feet tall)

Teehee~ Enjoy!!!

Just a friend

Part 2

South was extremely frustrated. It's been over a week and (Name) still hasn't come back to him. After his failed attempt to serenade him. He figured since plan A failed he'll go for plan B. Apology gift. So here he was. Walking down the street. Looking for a gift for (Name).

He knew he should've asked Kakucho or one of the brothers on what to get for (Name). But the trio has been hanging around (Name) more then they used to. Honestly it was upsetting, thinking about how okay (Name) was without him. Not that he'd tell anyone but....he missed (Name). He missed the cuddles. The way (Name) hung off him. The way (Name) always called him those disgustingly cute pet names.

South groaned loudly. He always swore that he'd never get attached. He swore he'd never fall in love. After everything that happened he never wanted to rely on anyone. But here he was attached, in love, and relying on someone. It was official. He needed his (Name) back. South ran a hand down his face and sighed.

This love stuff is harder then he was hoping for. South walked into a random store and started looking around. He noticed there was manga on the shelf. He perked up. (Name) loved manga. He was always carrying one in his school bag. South smiled faintly. He remembers last time they cuddled. (Name) was reading the newest manga he had. He wouldn't stop talking about how the couple reminded him of them.

The smaller guy was always getting in trouble and the bigger one would always save him. (Name) used to call him his knight in blond armor. South chuckled sourly. He missed those times. When South gets him back he won't let him go again...well if he gets him back. South frowned. No. He was getting (Name) back. He wouldn't stop until he does.

South shook his head. Skimming through different Mangas trying to find one (Name) would like. He stopped when he heard arguing. He rolled his eyes. It wasn't any of his business. He went to walk away until he heard a voice he knew. Very well. "Dude literally let me go!" (Name). "No way. This is a prime moment. South's bitch by himself. Without his guard dogs. I can't pass that up."

Oh hell no. Absolutely fucking not happening. South stomped towards the voices. Nobody puts their hands on his boyfriend and survives. Calling him a bitch? It'll be a quick death. When South arrive he realized three things. One, (Name)'s lip was busted, bruises everywhere, blood running down his face. Two, a busted pipe and guys surrounding the two. Finally, the guys surrounding and holding him were from a rival gang that South didn't even try to remember.

South slowly marched his way towards the arguing duo. Not only did they call him a bitch, grabbed him, but they made him Bleed? Oh. South smirked evily. This was gonna be fun. When he made his way behind the gang member, the guy stopped. (Name) looked over the guys shoulder and smiled brightly. South gripped the back of the guys neck. His grip was tight. Making sure he wouldn't get away.

"What. Did. You. Call. Him?" South's hold got tighter. The guys began struggling. Releasing (Name)'s wrist letting him back away. Rubbing the place (Name) knew would bruise. Well. (Name) looked over himself. He was gonna be covered in bruises anyways. He looked up when he heard a heavy thud. South had his knee dug in the guys back. His grip on the guys neck still tight.

South frowned deeply. "So let me get this straight. You tried jumping my (Name). Then when he kicked your ass, you tried playing dirty. Then you call him a bitch?" (Name) slowly made his way over and laid his head on South shoulder. South leaned back a little. Giving (Name) a better placing for his head. He knew it was probably hurting him badly.

He could feel the blood seeping into his shirt. When he tried to readjust again he felt (Name) flinch. Oh these guys were dead. Without taking his eyes off the guy under him, he pulled out his phone dialing Kakucho. When he picked up South didn't let him talk. "I need you and the Haitani Brothers to come to (manga store). Also tell Ran to bring (Name)'s pack and a first aid kit." South looked over at (Name) seeing how droopy his eyes are.

"Scratch the first aid kit. Just get here quick." He ended the call and held the phone behind him. "(Name)? I know you want to sleep but I need you awake and to call your brothers okay?" He barely felt (Name) nod when his phone was taken out of his hand. He heard clicking before ringing. He heard a voice before his phone hit the floor. South felt (Name)'s body get heavy and knew he'd passed out.

Clicking his tongue in anger. South grabbed his phone putting it to his ear. "Which twin am I speaking to?" "Hey! What the fuck are you doing calling me?!" He knew this was the smiling twin. "Listen. (Name) was jumped by an enemy gang at his favorite manga store. I don't know his exact injuries but I know he has a blow to the head from a pipe." He heard silence on the other end. "Hello?" "YOU MOTHER FUCKER! IF HE HAS ANY BRAIN DAMAGE I'M KILLING YOU NEXT!" The call cut out.

South felt a shiver go down his spine. Now he knows where (Name) got his temper. Few moments later he heard a dig from the front with multiple fast moving foot steps. Kakucho, the Haitani brothers, and the Kawata twins froze at the scene before quickly getting into action. The twin immediately made their way to their brother. Checking him over while the other three made their way to South. Anger written on their faces.

The brothers started tying the members up while Kakucho tied the leader up. Still being kneed by South. When they were tied up Ran called the rest of the gang about collecting the gang that was tied up. South looked behind him at the twins. He saw worry all over their faces. "I can take him to the hospital." Their head snapped to South. Worry replaced by anger. They blamed him. He knew they did

The angry faced twin got (Name) on his back before making his way out of the store quickly. The usually smiling on stayed. "We'll take him and...." He sighed lookin down before looking back at South. "And I'll let you know what they say and what room he's in once it's settled." South rose a brow confused. They'd let him see (Name). "It's only because you saved him. What happens afterwards is all (Name)." The other twin quickly made his way after his brothers.

South looked at the trio behind him. "Do what you want with them." The brothers smirked. "But" they frowned. "Him." South pointed at the leader who was gagged and glaring hatefully at them. "He's mine to deal with." The trio nodded and soon members started showing to take the rival gang to the hideout. They avoided looking at their leader. Already knowing how upset he is. South frowned and looked around him before noticing a book on the floor.

It was the next manga book in the series (Name) was reading. South picked it up and paid for it before making his way to his bike. He heard the others behind him but paid no mind to them. He sat on his bike for a while before his phone buzzed. It was a text from some number with an address and a three digit number on it. He knew that address. It was the hospital down the road from (Name)'s house.

South looked at the members behind him and nodded before speeding off towards the hospital. When he arrived he parked his bike turning it off and getting off in a speed he didn't know he had. Making his way inside South ignored everything around him. His sight laid on the elevator. He opened is phone looking at the numbers before clicking a floor. He put his phone away staring forward.

Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. The saying kept repeating in South's head the whole elevator ride. Once the doors opened again he made his way to the room (Name) was in. Once again ignoring everything around him. All he cared about was making sure (Name) was okay. He can't explain the relief he felt when he made his way into the room. (Name) was awake softly talking to his brothers.

Bandages wrapped around him. The thickest bandages were wrapped around his chest and head. South quickly made his way to the side of (Name)'s bed. When (Name) saw him his face brighten. He looked so happy to see him. "Hey babe." South felt his shoulders drop. That's what he's been waiting for. That damn pet name. South smiled softly and kissed (Name)'s temple.

(Name) winced since that's where the pipe hit him. South quietly apologized and kissed the top of his head. "What's the damage?" The peach haired brother interrupted. "He has a concussion. A broken rib. Two fractured ribs and sprung right wrist." South nodded. Okay. Could've been worse. Could've been WAY worse. But his (Name) is okay. South slowly sat on the side on the bed. (Name) scooted making room for him.

The twins watched the interaction. They shared a look. South had two stikes. If he made a third strike? Smiley popped his neck. Angry cracked his knuckles. (Name) looked over at the two from his spot cuddled in South's side confused. His brothers brushed him off. Gave their own soft smiles and (Name) shrugged. Snuggling back into South's side releasing a breath.

Bonus:

"Am I still just a friend?"

*WHACK*

"Ow! Sorry...."

[oreharuuu]

éta ritual (4)

Summary: Hanging out with San was fun, but a guest that's not welcomed may have changed the tone of the night.

Warnings: none

A/N: pt. 4 babyyyy, hope y'all like it but i wonder who's san implying at the end ;)

You hummed as you looked back at San, where he's standing there holding the plastic bag containing your ordered food.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah, just feeling under the weather I guess."

And you're not lying. After the encounter with a certain demon, you've been waiting basically for Jieun to show up. But nothing really happened, which was relieving. Hyein also said that Jieun never directly talked to her, but she did caught Jieun a few times staring at her before bolting away.

Creepy.

"Damn. Did something happened?" San sat down besides you, before passing your food to you. You shrugged, slouching down as your gaze rests on some random movie that's playing.

"Nah, nothing bad happened. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with work and stuff."

He hummed, nudging his shoulder with yours as he smiled. "Wanna hangout with me later this weekend? Maybe it'll take your mind off of things."

You smiled at him, remembering how well your introduction to the area has been. Thankfully it was a beautiful day to walk, so you offered to just walk around instead using San's overly expensive car that he somehow has. You both joked around, telling stories about yourself, and you didn't even realize how fast time went by because it's already midnight when you both came back to the apartment.

It was fun having a new friend to hangout with. Hyein is busy with her big project, so you don't want to intrude too much but you still help her if needed. Mark is a good guy, but his schedule has turned into a shit storm so you both have no time to hangout too much except for meeting at the cafeteria.

"Yeah? But where will we go? This place has nothing fun to offer," You huffed as you sipped on your Thai Tea. Humming in delight, you didn't notice how San slowly moved over until his shoulder touched yours.

"I don't care," He chewed. "As long as I'm with you, I'm fine."

You coughed, looking away from his smirk as you felt your cheeks heat up. Damn this guy and his confidence with flirting.

Before you answered, your body tensed up when you felt something brushing on the back of your neck. You whipped your head, seeing nothing but San's bedroom door that's slightly ajar. You grabbed the back of your neck and moved your gaze back to the movie.

"Hey, San?" You asked him, but stopped when you saw how he's glaring at where you looked behind, clenching his jaw before looking back at you. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Uh—nothing. It's stupid."

"Aww, come on! What's wrong?" He whined, putting his head on your shoulder before rubbing his head like a big cat. You giggled at his hair brushing your neck.

"No, it's just—have you ever experienced something...weird happen to you in this apartment."

"No? Not really," He shrugged as he sips his drink. "A bit too quiet for my liking. Thought there's gonna be parties every weekend."

You scoffed. "Wrong area. If you wanna go to parties, go to Jieu—uh, the apartment residence near the university. It's packed all day."

You both talked about your day, making comments about the movie and overall having a good time. San gathered all the trash before he excused himself to throw out the trash, grabbing his already filled to the brim trash can before going out.

You played with your phone for a while, texting Hyein and Mark and even Suho because he asked if you want any pastries at work later. You said yes, of course. Free food is free food and you'll always take the offer.

"Hey, (name)?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you expecting anyone to come by your apartment?"

"Huh?" You asked, sitting up before looking confused at San. "No, not really. Everyone I know is busy at the moment."

San raised his eyebrow. "You sure? There's a girl near your apartment door."

What the fuck?

Jieun?

"Woah, woah, woah! Wha—when did you see her?" You bolted out of the sofa, pushing San over to open his door slightly so you could take a peek.

"Literally before I entered, I didn't ask her anything but she kept staring at me. Fucking creepy," He huffed.

There she is, Jieun pacing in front of your door as she bit her nails. From her body language you know she's anxious, but taking a closer look you could see how red her eyes were. Like she didn't get any sleep. Cursing under your breath, you closed the door and quickly locked it. Walking backwards you hit San on the way before he grabs your shoulders. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Uh," You debated whether to answer truthfully or not. But you're scared and you really didn't want to be alone in your apartment after seeing Jieun. "No, I'm not fine actually. Um, could I stay here for the night? If you don't want to it's—"

"Hey," San shushed you. "Of course I'm fine with it. I'll gladly have you in my apartment. But you need to tell me what's wrong."

You took a deep breath, grabbing his hands for support. "San, that person is—"

Knock knock knock

Your heart dropped, voice stopped working as you heard the knocking. You pushed San towards his bedroom, trying to be as quiet as possible.

San didn't seem to agree.

"What's wrong? Is it about the girl before? Is she a problem?"

"San, please! I'll explain later but we need to—"

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Fuck, Jieun has the worst timing ever.

" San! Wait, no! Please—"

San shushed you gently, rubbing your shoulders trying to comfort you. "Hey, don't worry. I'll just say she's bothering me, maybe lie about how I was working."

You shook your head. "No, I don't want her to see you! She's nuts!"

But San was already walking away, opening the door making you hide behind a wall and crouched down, trying to stay quiet. San's voice became annoyed, telling Jieun that she bothered him while working.

"Sorry, but do you have a girl inside? Maybe she lives in this apartment residence too?"

"What? Why is that you're business?" San scoffs.

"It's my business," Jieun's voice changed into a more hostile one. "Because she has a problem with me! I need to see her so we could end this and all will go away and they'll be back."

You pinched the top of your nose at hearing her nonsense again, trying to make the headache away. San hissed that he didn't know what or who she's talking about and threatened to call the cops if she doesn't go away.

"Fine," Jieun scoffed. "If you see her, just tell her that I've left a present inside her apartment. I'll bet she loves it."

With that you hear her footsteps walking away. You exhaled loudly as you thumped your head at the wall, noticing how tense San became after the encounter. Closing the door, he sighed before walking to you. "Your friend, I assume?"

You grimaced. "Sorta. I don't really know what our relationship is to be honest right now."

"Is that why you wanted to stay? Because you're afraid of what she placed inside your apartment?"

You pause before looking at San anxiously. "No, I-I actually wanted to stay here because I was afraid she'll stay here for a while. What did she mean by present? How did she get in?"

Your eyes welled up with tears of frustration. You didn't gave her any access whatsoever to your apartment. How could she even enter the place? You quickly brushed them away, hiding your face in your hands. You felt tired and sick of this game they're playing. If it's even a game.

"Hey, (name). Come on don't cry," San coos, brushing your hair back before deciding to hug you. The hug was nice but it even made you more emotional as you tried to blink the tears away.

"How about this," He brushed your tears away. "I'll go check on your apartment while you stay here. If I find anything bad, I'll tell you."

He grabbed you before slowly guiding you to sit on the sofa, covering you with a soft blanket. Where he suddenly got the blanket, you have no idea. But it smells like him, so you relaxed even more. You hear San opening the door before closing it, leaving you all alone. You sighed as you slumped down on the sofa, closing your eyes while trying to not think about Jieun and her crazy antics.

You flinched when something touched your head, noticing how it's almost patting your head softly. You huffed before shaking your head roughly. You don't want any of this bullshit happening when you're literally having the worst night of your life.

Fuck the demons.

"I don't know if you're hearing this," You huffed. "But kindly fuck off because I'm not in the mood to deal with any of this paranormal shit right now. If I'm talking like a crazy person to no one that's fine, but if you're there...then yeah," You lamely finished off before laying down. You're mind wandered off to the pink haired demon and also the one that basically invaded your personal space when sleeping, wondering if they're actually here right now.

You distinctly heard a soft chuckle somewhere but you ignored it when San enters the apartment.

"San? What happened—"

"It got trashed."

"What?!" You yelled, sitting up before running towards your apartment. The sight that greeted you was horrible. Almost every corner of the room was trashed. Books, posters, clothes are all everywhere as you walked inside. You checked your personal belongings before sighing in relief when you spotted them still inside.

You don't know what Jieun's playing here, but you're sick and tired of it. Running back you brushed past San before grabbing your phone.

"Hey, what're you doing?"

"Documenting the scene, sharing it with my friend."

You snapped photos upon photos of the apartment, groaning in disgust when you're trash is thrown everywhere in the room. "Real classy," You mumbled. Angrily texting Hyein, you notice San entering, looking around as he grimaced.

"So...what happens now?"

"What happens now is that I'm going to fucking report that bitch Jieun because of what she did to my place. I can't believe this is the stunt she pulled after...nevermind."

"After what?" San cocked his head.

"Nothing," You frowned. Responding to Hyein as she cursed Jieun in her text, San peeked around your shoulder to see what you're both texting about.

"Is the police gonna believe you?" San murmured in your ears, making you shiver. You glared at him but it only made him laugh as he hugs you from the back.

"If I'm not wrong there's CCTV around here, so I'll contact the owner to say that my apartments been trashed by some lunatic," You sighed, the feeling of tiredness creeping up on you mind and body.

"And you!" You pointed towards San. "Me? What about me?" San also pointed towards himself.

"You saw Jieun pacing around here, she basically asked you about me! San, please. You have to help me," You grabbed his hands in yours. "Please? I'll do anything, I just want her to go away with her nonsense."

You noticed how tense his posture became, his breathing almost heavy. "Anything you say?"

"Y-Yeah, but not anything weird, alright!"

San chuckles and nodded, grabbing you again to hug you. "Alright, I'll help you," He mumbles to your hair. "But after I help you, you'll help me with my problems, alright?"

"Hm," You nodded. "Yeah, I'll help you."

San hums sounding pleased as he moved back to look around. "What are you planning to do here? You wanna clean this up?"

You sigh. "Yeah. I'll ask my boss I could take a few days off maybe to clean it. Thank God—"

San flinched and frowned but you ignored it.

"—my assignments are already over. Hyein's busy in another city for her assignment, maybe I could ask Mark to help around."

"Mark?" San growled making you pause.

"Uh, yeah? You're working from morning till the afternoon, I can't let you help me after you've worked. That's just mean."

"Who's Mark?"

You waved him off. "A guy I'm working with at the library, sometimes we eat together at lunch too."

"Why him though?" You could hear the pout in San's voice as you grabbed a trash bag.

"San, I don't know anyone else to help me. I'm having limited options here," You deadpanned.

San huffed before smirking. "Well, if you're okay with it...I could ask my friends to help around. It's not like they have nothing to do anyway."

"What? No, San. You don't have to do that."

"Don't worry. Besides, they've been dying to meet you," He smirks. You raised your eyebrow at his tone but shrugged nonetheless. More help is more help. "Alright fine. You sure they're alright with it?"

"Believe me," He purred. "They'll be very happy."

[cloudmonarch43]

[ID in alt text, repeated below the cut]

My to-watch list is pretty short now and it's not especially satisfying to write about movies while trying not to say too much about what happens in them, plus I barely like Instagram anymore (where these posts are focused), so it'll probably at least be a while before there's another post like this. But never you think that I don't want to talk about movies!! (Oops, I never noticed I wrote the wrong year for Alien. It's right in the alt text because I typed it all first and then copied it down!)

Image 1:

Saw (2004) is a very silly movie that manages to stay enjoyable the whole way through. Aside from a few good bits, I didn't like Saw II (2005). There were too many characters, underdeveloped, so that even in context it just felt cruel to kill them off. I like engaging with the mechanisms of the games, and yeah the point of the games is violence, but the second movie felt like it didn't care about the game part. It made some good moves as a sequel, but the first one was a lot more fun.

Rather than telling me a story, Dirty Dancing (1987) felt like it was telling me about a story. I liked watching the dancing, and I liked the story that was being summarized, so I liked the movie, but it was strange how much of it just felt like information. Even though the plot was a bit convenient, the great variety of relationships made it feel like a genuine world.

The first time I watched I Saw the TV Glow (2024), I didn't know what I was in for; I kind of stumbled home in a daze of delight and sadness. Movies are such a capacious medium and I love it when that potential is actually used. It also feels good to watch something where the queer interpretation is not just a side effect yet it's still abstract and metaphorical.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021) is a super effective movie about watching other people's videos. In reviews I saw, I thought people credited it with a lot that wasn't actually there—only a place was set, which the viewer automatically filled. It didn't resonate with me as much, but I think it's cool to be put through the same sort of process as the characters.

[pencil sketch for Dirty Dancing of Johnny and Baby dancing]

Image 2:

Pretty much everything I wrote in my journal about The Sixth Sense (1999) is using it as a comparison to clarify other things, so I don't know what to say about it on its own. I enjoyed watching it.

After that I rewatched some stuff.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is great. It really lets you sink in, and there's a lot to sink into, both visually and conceptually.

Blade Runner (1982) seemed more self-contained and a lot easier to follow this time through. I liked it overall but it's so bleak. I guess it's supposed to make me think about what it means to be human but "either you're a cop or a little guy" is the undisputed thesis statement I heard.

The Thing (1982) remains one of my top favorite movies (which is a list I haven't written, but "I Saw the TV Glow" is on it too). I hadn't even remembered a solid half of the great special effects moments because there's just so many.

Alien (1979) didn't work out as well. I still think it's a good movie, but it turns out a lot of what I liked about it was the suspense that doesn't hold up when I know what's going to happen. I know people love to analyze this movie but it's just not catching me that way.

Challengers (2024) is all about three random people I don't have any reason to care about... plus I don't care about tennis. It's not really my kind of movie. That said, it's just about as satisfying as it could possibly be.

[pencil sketch for 2001: A Space Odyssey of an EVA pod]

Image 3:

Pulse (2001) is really sad. What if the loneliness was never ending! It's a high quality, coherent representation, and then it just exists and there's nothing you can do about it. (Also it definitely should have been called Circuit.)

I watched Happy Death Day (2017) because I love time loops a lot. It didn't give me more than that, but it was easy enough to sit through. I think it could've pushed its concepts further but at least it didn't fall apart.

Of course then I had to rewatch Groundhog Day (1993), which I'd mostly forgotten, and I was delighted to discover that this movie rocks. It's efficient, covering a lot of ground without feeling distant or dense, and it really felt convincing.

Nightcrawler (2014) is brutal, unforgiving, and a great movie. Lou isn't a defeatable villain; he's a concentration. This movie refuses to lie, and that feels good even though the things it's saying don't.

[pencil sketch for Pulse of Ryosuke kneeling next to Harue, who is hugging herself]

[sharkchan12]

Sitcom au fanfic were Eyes, Moloch, Dexter, and Bob go do crazy stuff together

Fanfic Eyes, Moloch, Dexter, and Bob go to Walmart

Sitcom au

*intro plays with iconic music*

*it starts*

Eyes hasn't been fed yet so he's crying like a baby and it's starting to annoy everyone

Bob: We ran out of human sacrifices to feed

Dexter: "One isn't enough for him we need like at least 100 to keep him full"

Dexter said while covering his ears over the crying of Eyes

Moloch: "Well where the hell do we go to find that many people"

Bob: "I might know a place that has a lot of people in it"

Dexter and Moloch turn their heads towards Bob

Bob: "LETS GO TO WALMART, it has a lot of people, especially because it's a Sunday"

Moloch: "That's a stupid idea, everyone will run away from Eyes immediately after seeing him"

Bob: "Not if we give him a disguise"

Bob then proceeds to pull out baby clothes

Bob: "A cute baby will attract more people and therefore, more sacrifices"

Moloch: "I need a disguise too I can't just stay here all day"

Bob: "Don't worry I got you covered"

Bob then proceeds to pull out a pair of sunglasses and a Miley Cyrus T-shirt

Dexter: "Is that my shirt?"

*a laugh track plays*

Bob: "I'm not comfortable giving him my clothes so this is best I got"

Dexter: "Don't give that idiot my shirt, it wouldn't even fit him"

Moloch: "He does got a point though"

Bob: "Do you want to come with us or not?"

Moloch: "Fine fine"

Moloch puts on the Miley Cyrus T-shirt and sunglasses knowing it'll annoy Dexter for the rest of the day

Eyes starts to get excited over the thought of getting to eat more sacrifices

They all get in the car while Bob drives them to Walmart

Bob: "We're here!"

Dexter: "I'm not really comfortable doing the whole killing people thing so can I just stay in the car while you guys do your thing?"

Bob: "Well we're already here and we need more help with this so it's either that or we sacrifice you"

Dexter looked disappointed in that answer

*laugh track plays*

Dexter: "Sure, whatever"

The group gets into Walmart and Eyes is in a stroller. Once they get into the entrance they put Eyes in the cart

Bob: "I need to get some things, Dexter you take care of Eyes while I'm gone"

Dexter: "WHAT?! BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY-"

Before Dexter can complain as always Bob is gone and he is stuck with both Eyes and Moloch

Moloch isn't tall enough to be holding the cart :(

While they were walking three troubling kids noticed Moloch with his stupid ass Miley Cyrus T-shirt and decided to be little shits about it (well only one of them to be exact)

Roy: "OOOOOOOO LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE"

Ross: "Roy we're not doing this shit again"

Roy: "BUT LOOK WHAT HE'S WEARING"

Robert: "Come on man he looks old and he has no legs leave him alone"

Moloch started to take offense and tried to call for Eyes but Dexter left with Eyes already so boo hoo

Moloch thought "Fine I'll do this myself"

Before he can do anything he felt something behind him IT WAS ROY'S MOTHER

*crowd gasping sound effect plays*

Carmen: "REYNOLD WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO STRANGERS AGAIN"

Before anything serious happens we cut off to Dexter taking care of Eyes

Dexter was searching for random strangers until he heard

"I didn't know you had a kid" a familiar voice

It was Lila with her son Skid

Dexter: "OH UH HI MA'AM I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WOULD UH-"

Skid looks at Eyes and remembers the time he and Pump hung out with him

Skid- "I REMEMBER PLAYING WITH HIM HE'S MY FRIEND"

Lila: "Oh really, that's the kid you were talking about?"

Dexter was confused how this little boy can hang out with a creature like Eyes without being eaten

Eyes: "OH RIGHT I REMEMBER YOU, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE PILES OF FLESH"

Eyes said in his deep demonic voice

Lila was confused and concerned

Lila: "Oh wow…your son's voice is very… different…"

Lila said without trying to sound rude

Dexter: "OH HE'S NOT MINE IM JUST ummmm…BABYSITTING YEAH YEAH BABYSITTING"

*laugh track plays*

Dexter is very 50/50 if he should sacrifice Lila or not, he doesn't want to kill humans but he also needs to feed Eyes

So Dexter tries to make this conversation quick and just ends up looking like an awkward loser doing it

Lila: "Maybe you can try babysitting my son one day"

Dexter: "Well I am a very busy person so I don't think I can do that ma'am"

Lila: "Oh well it was nice talking to you Dexter"

Skid also said bye to his bestie as both Lila and Skid left. Dexter never felt more embarrassed until he heard crying from someone familiar…IS BOB CRYING?????

Bob is in front of the meat section, on his knees crying because of the animals that were killed for meat. There was also a bunch of candy wrappers all over the floor

Bob: "THESE POOR ANIMALS, THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT"

Dexter: "YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SERIOUS"

Dexter said out loud in anger

Dexter: "YOU'VE BEEN SITTING HERE CRYING OVER MEAT INSTEAD OF HELPING"

Bob: "I would not stand for animal cruelty, you would never understand you Exterminator"

Dexter: "Animals don't have feelings unlike the humans you eat"

Bob: "HAVE YOU EVEN FED EYES YET"

Eyes started to get angry he hasn't been fed any sacrifices yet and started to also get mad at Dexter

Dexter: "FINE IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, YOU TAKE HIM I COULDN'T HANDLE IT ANYWAY"

Before Dexter can leave there was a crowd of strangers around them hearing the argument he just had. Everyone started to judge Dexter while he walked away and went around Bob and his "child" to comfort them

Bob knew what to do and started to fake cry to in hopes maybe get more sympathy from more people

Bob: "That yellow suited son of a bitch was always so rude to me and our child, did you know that 37% of marriages end in divorce in the U.S"

Before things could get violent let's cut back to Moloch

Carmen was getting angry at Roy for wondering around again

Carmen: "Why are you even talking to this…thing anyway?"

Moloch now even more offended: "A THING?"

Carmen: "I mean you sure do look like one but I can't put my finger on it, but whatever"

Moloch then proceeds to smack her in the face with his big ass hands (he could've just killed her but whatever)

One of the hatzgang members then pulls out his phone to record this (to post this on vine or YouTube or whatever was popular in 2013)

Carmen didn't want to deal with this anymore

Carmen: "REYNOLD, WE'RE GOING HOME, AND I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING TO ANYMORE PEOPLE LIKE HIM AGAIN"

Before they walked away they heard a bunch of people screaming, Eyes finally got his meal

We then cut to the Walmart being destroyed and all non spooky month characters being killed

Eyes, Moloch, Dexter, and Bob are back in the car

Eyes: "Well that just happened"

*laugh track plays*

Bob: "How about we reward ourselves with some ice cream, EXCEPT DEXTER!"

Dexter: "I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR MY OWN ICE CREAM ANYWAY"

They drove to the ice cream store, got their Ice cream

They all sat down together laughing along (except Dexter) as the credits roll

*iconic outro music plays*

The End

[frecklystars]

I was a bit worried seeing you were offline for a long time and hoped it meant you were recovering mentally, rather than the latter.

I have a hard time saying things like 'everything will turn out okay' because so many things are random and it's hard to predict how things will turn out because something unexpected can blindside you.

I'm sorry you're going through this right now, it sucks super hard, I know how hard it is trying to fight tooth and nail just to get by when you've been at your limit for so long.

I genuinely do hope things get better for you, and that the future gives you a fucking break and some room to breathe.

I know we're kind of strangers, but whatever happens, I'll miss you.

There are plenty of people online and offline who would miss you, I'm glad you've stuck around this long, and I know it's a struggle but I hope you get to experience plenty of more joy in life.

Hi sweet anon. I'm so sorry that I worried you, that wasn't my intention. I'm surprised that someone noticed I wasn't here. I knew my queue would just keep posting regardless if I was online or not -- which is honestly why I have it in the first place, I am not online everyday and I like my blog continuing to be "active" even when I'm offline doing other things. But I didn't know someone would notice "huh hey Keri isn't posting any self ship stuff" and then wonder "hey is she ok..." so. Thank you for worrying about me, I appreciate you keeping me in your thoughts.

And yeah you have a point, it is really hard to know things are gonna be ok. This has been the hardest year of my life and the pessimist in me keeps saying "wow it's just gonna keeeeep getting worse, isn't it, it's really just one thing after another" but I keep trying to remember it's just... just this one, single situation with a really, really, really shitty person, and it will eventually end, or at least get easier, because Jesus Christ nothing lasts forever, right?? And when you said "I know how hard it is trying to fight tooth and nail just to get by when you've been at your limit for so long", yeah man, you really said it, it really feels that way. I don't know how else to express to people that this is an every single day occurrence that eats at me every second that I'm alive. It's exhausting. There's no peace of mind, there's no sense of feeling safe. It really sucks and sometimes I really wish I could openly talk about it here, but I'm worried I'll scare people too much, because it's such a... severe situation. I am so scared all the time. It's literally the only thing I ever think about. It's the first thing that comes into my head when I wake up, and when I sleep I have nightmares about it, and I'll be working at my new job and literally so stressed about this situation, that it'll override New Job Stress. Like, what? I went in for a job interview a couple of months ago and was so stressed about my situation that I literally didn't care that I was in a job interview. I've been bartending and learning how to cook things I've never cooked before, needing to serve 2000 people in less than 30 minutes, and, like, that should stress me out. That should make me nervous. I'm not! I just have the situation + all of my trauma from this past year stuck in my head 24/7 that I literally cannot feel nervous about anything else. It's uh, horrifying! It's like I'm experiencing my trauma from the last year and a half all over again. except, like. worse. but!! but it will get better, right!! Things are supposed to be worse before they get better or whatever the saying is. I am working on having a more positive attitude towards everything despite The Horrors™

Anyway -- thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me that you sent me your well wishes. I'm still stuck in a bad spot mentally, but I'm trying to lean back into self shipping to get me through this, I'm trying to interact with people again. It really helps when you have people who tell you verbally "yes I am on your side and in your corner and I believe you and YES you're going to be okay I promise." And reading messages like yours genuinely helps a LOT, because really that is the best thing someone can do for me, is to just tell me "hey I hope you feel better and I am here thinking about you, it will be okay"

One more thing: thank you for saying you'd miss me. I'd miss you too. You seem like a sweetheart and I appreciate you taking the time to write this message for me. Come into my inbox anytime and remember to take good care of yourself for me 💕💕

[aether-friskets]

a whole line collection for heather is crazy, congrats on finishing such a big project!! do you have any favorite phrases of hers that you found out while making all this? or just in general as you played the game. something silly or touching or just showing her character maybe.

thank you!! There's definitely a lot of interesting little tidbits you can pick up, although also a lot of "there's nothing interesting here" comments lol

i guess I'll give some random tidbits that I remember and liked for one reason or another (decided to put it under a read more because it's a bit long):

That weird old detective is out there, so I'm not leaving.

This was just funny to me, like I totally missed it on all previous playthroughs. It's from the beginning of the game, if you try to exit the bathroom from the entrance door. Also puts into perspective how much the relationship between Douglas and Heather changes over the course of the game, considering how she views him later on. At this point, though, he's just some weird old guy that won't leave her alone

also, I noticed certain item descriptions can change a bit? For example, what Heather says about the knife she's carrying changes before vs after first encountering monsters in the real world.

it goes from "It's a switchblade for self-defense. I've never used it, but just in case" to "It's a switchblade for self-defense. Better with than without it against those monsters", which is a neat little detail.

the other example of it that I spotted was with the pendant, another item you have for the whole game. I didn't notice the change until the church, after reading the book on Aglaophotis, but it's possible it changed sooner. It was just the addition of "I wonder why I feel sick inside when I look at it?", which might be a bit of further hinting towards its purpose at the end of the game.

Anyway, side tangent over, back to stuff that's more actually focused on Heather.

The bottle says, 'DANGER! Do not mix!' Hmm... mix with an acidic detergent and it'll produce poisonous chlorine gas.

I also love how she finds bleach and just goes "hmm if I combined this with detergent I could make poisonous gas" just, without any prompting or anything. Like girl why did you know that

There was a nice silver ring in here the last time I came... Bummer that it's gone, huh.

(jewellery display in the mall)

I mean, I'm no thief... I might act like one now and then, though.

(silver coins in the office building)

makes me wonder if she's perhaps shoplifted now and again... lol at the very least, shes no stickler for the law, which i can respect honestly

I don't really feel like eating and drinking stuff from an alternate reality, OK?

(shelves with wine in the mall)

I'd feel weird drinking anything sold in a place like this, though.

(vending machine in the office building)

But this popcorn doesn't look right. I don't think I'll be having any. But then again, I wouldn't eat anything else here either.

(popcorn stand in amusement park)

The insistence on not trusting random food and drinks you find lying around... which is probably the smart choice tbh

Hell, I might still be sleeping here, for all I know. ...I wish I were.

She brings up the idea of dreaming and nightmares a few times in cutscenes and such, and I can see why. It would be nice to wake up from something like that and realize it didn't really happen. But, she knows that's not the case.

Is someone sleeping here...? All this red stuff around here is blood. This guy's not sleeping.

(corpse in subway)

There's a dead body inside this box thing. There's nothing interesting here.

(corpse in amusement park)

The door's open. Inside there's someone wrapped in a bag. Maybe--no, they're definitely dead.

(corpse in the church)

I think it's a little amusing seeing the range of reactions to the corpses, for some reason

like girl if its in a bag and not moving its safe to assume its dead by now, especially in a room full of corpses

I also think it's interesting seeing bits where she thinks about Alessa more near the end...

And I don't want to remember them. Because I'm not Alessa anymore... But Alessa is still me. I'm really not trying to deny it or anything.

This line surprised me because while I didn't remember seeing it before, I said pretty much the same thing in a post talking about some of my thoughts on heather a little while ago. And it does sum it up well. She's not Alessa anymore, but Alessa is still part who she is.

i also noticed Heather often switches between "I" and "her"/"Alessa" when talking about her.

It's a picture of me when I was 7. I look bored and sad. Well, of course I do. I was always like that back then.

Like in this instance of talking about a photo of Alessa...

The scribbling on the floor here is Alessa's. For some reason, she always drew monsters like this when she was alone.

vs talking about these drawings on the floor in Alessa's room.

I--no, it wasn't me. Alessa wrote this a long time ago.

Or here, where she can't even make up her mind which to use.

24 years ago, Mo... Dahlia used me to summon God.

(oh there's also this part where she almost calls Dahlia Mom but decides she doesn't deserve that title loll)

There are even a few hints of original Cheryl left, which is nice.

This is my sketchbook, from 17 years ago. On the front cover is a picture of Dad. Really awful work.

(Cheryl's sketchbook)

But I do have just a trace of one more memory left. I haven't forgotten my sweet and gentle mother.

(After reading Harry's diary)

obviously, the "sweet and gentle mother" is Jodie, because I can't imagine Dahlia described that way by her lolll

also this line just made me laugh a bit:

Helmets? Should I take them with me...? Nah, never mind. It's pretty geeky-looking.

ooh there's also a couple lines that made me sad when I found them, I'll put those here:

My home... My dad! Is he okay? I'm sure he is. He must be.

(literally a few minutes before getting back to the apartment and finding him)

I just... Don't want to remember. Get me out of here.

(Alessa's sickroom)

I used to take these dolls with me when I went to bed. Scarlett and... Damn, I forgot the other one's name. In fact, I don't even know which one is Scarlett.

(dolls in Alessa's bedroom)

I want to get out of here, but I just can't. This is for Dad... and for myself. And... For Claudia, too.

(trying to exit the final room back through the door you entered)

also...

I'm exhausted, but I don't think I can sleep now.

(heather's bed)

I'm tired, but it's no time to sleep.

(motel bed)

get this girl some REST!!

Anyway, this is a lot of random stuff, and there's probably more i could've said, but overall... It's really interesting to see all these little details! Like obviously her dialogue and actions within cutscenes says a lot, but I think getting all this insight into her mind through little item interactions is really interesting! This ended up being a bit rambling and not very actually insightful, but I hope it still gives somewhat of an idea :D

[lyra-brie]

EvaJacks "Who Are You?" Fanfic

I don't normally write fanfiction, but my hyperfixation is really strong with Once Upon a Broken Heart, so this is an exception.

It takes place shortly after the end of The Ballad of Never After. It's loosely based on a lot of my random theories and stuff, mainly that Apollo was the reason that Eva sees Jacks's blood at the end.

These characters belong to Stephanie Garber, they're from the Once Upon a Broken Heart series.

Heavy spoilers for both Once Upon a Broken Heart and The Ballad of Never After.

~~~

My wrist started burning. Right where that tiny white broken heart scar was. Apollo avoided my questions about it, and now it suddenly started burning. I needed to find a way to figure out what it was or what it meant.

Don't trust anyone but me. Something bad happened to you, and we aren't sure who did it. Everyone is dangerous, Apollo had said.

But it felt wrong. Like he just wanted to keep me to himself. He dodged all my questions and wouldn't tell me much of anything about what happened before I lost my memories.

My door opened, and I jumped. No one should have been coming in here, and yet, there he was. His blond hair was almost gold, and his skin seemed to glow. Something felt off about him. Something I felt like I should've known. He looked at me as if he could see into my soul while he came closer.

Regret shined in his icy blue eyes as he said, "I'm sorry, Little Fox." The nickname was both familiar and strange, especially coming from this odd, almost-glowing man, who I had no memory of at all. Something like hope outshined the regret, and I felt like that was unusual for him. It lit up his face so beautifully. "I didn't mean what I sad at the arch. I never should've left you alone with him. We can make this work-"

My tongue finally decided to work as the question I wasn's sure I wanted to ask slipped out. "Who are you?"

He froze. His hopeful look dropped away. His hand shook just a little bit. Something I felt no one else would notice with the confidence he was practically oozing.

"What do you mean, 'Who are you?' It's Jacks. You have to remember." He seemed like he was almost pleading with me to remember who he was. I couldn't. The name barely even sounded familiar at all.

"I-I'm sorry, but I really don't remember who you are. How did you even get in here?"

"I told the guards to let me in." My eyes narrowed in suspicion. Apollo told them not to let anyone in. "The guards like me. What's the last thing you remember?"

The last thing I remember is my dad dying, but I don't want to tell him that. Apollo said not to trust anyone else, and he just seems strange anyway. But I did have a question for him.

"Do you know what this is from?" I lifted my wrist to show him the odd scar that had started burning when he came in. I wouldn't tell him it was burning, just in case, but I wanted to know, and Apollo wouldn't answer my questions about it.

Jacks smiled for a second, like he was just glad I was still talking to him, before it faded away.

"That's from when we first met."

"How did we meet?"

The corner of his mouth turned up again. "Let me take you out of the palace. I'll tell you everything, as long as you promise to hear me out. It'll help if I can show you the places we were together." Fear outweighed my curiosity. Apollo said leaving the palace wasn't safe. I don't know this Jacks. He could be lying about all of this just to get me out of my safe place.

"I'm not supposed to leave the palace."

"Do you just listen to everything Apollo says?" He said it like a challenge, daring me to go with him and see what happened. To step out of the box Apollo had put me in.

The box is to keep you safe.

But is it really?

"So you think I'm just going to trust you because you say you knew me and that we share some memories? I think I'll take my chances staying here." His expression didn't change as he turned away from me and started walking toward the door. I realized with a start that I didn't want him to leave.

He looked over his shoulder as he spoke one last time, "Alright. It's up to you. I'll be at the cemetery (A/N: it was the only place I could think of lol) if you decide you'd like to find out what that scar is." His voice was confident he knew what I would decide, but he still seemed so much dimmer than when he came in. With that, he left just as quickly as he came. I felt more alone than I had been before he left.

I paced around my room for a few minutes, arguing with myself about whether or not I was going to do this very stupid thing and leave the palace to meet a man I don't know. But I already knew exactly what choice I was going to make.

[aprikotea]

The Tea Party!!!

I had to get up at 4am because I was meeting my teacher at 6:30am. Everyone was wearing a kimono on that day, so I had bought a 2nd-hand kimono as well. But since I am in no way able to put it on myself, I met my teacher early in the morning, so she and another fellow student could dress me.

The tea party took place at a temple in Kita-Kamakura - the same one where I attended my first tea party as a guest in summer. Around 8am everyone else was arriving and we were allowed to join a ceremony with the monks.

9:00 AM - The First Session Starts

Each session one of us would perform the temae we were practicing the last weeks. And the other ones would help in the mizuya - preparing or cleaning stuff - or as hanto - bringing the sweets plates and tea bowls in and out of the tea room. My teacher would sit close to the exit of the tea room and talk to the guests. Each session took 45 minutes and consisted of 12 guests. We had 9 sessions, so we served 108 guests in total.

The guests were kind of random people. The temple announced on their website that they’ll hold a tea ceremony and people could apply for a seat. Some of them were acquaintances of our teachers, like other teachers and their students. But for most of us students they were unknown people.

Each and everyone of us was super nervous. Therefore, the first session was the toughest one. But everyone was putting in their hearts and we improved tiny details with each session. Since it would take a lot of time to prepare 12 bowl of matcha by the temae in side the tea room, they would only prepare the matcha for the first and second guest, also known as shokyaku and jikyaku. The matcha for the third guest and everyone else would be prepared in the mizuya. As hanto, which is basically an assistant, each session started quite busy, because we would bring in the sweets plates and had to pick them up a few moments later. Afterwards, we had kind of a waiting period until it was time to prepare additional matcha bowls. And then it would get quite busy again, since we had to bring the bowls in the tea room and of course pick them up again.

12:00 PM - My Turn

Just two sessions before it was my turn to be temae, I started to get super nervous. At some point it sat down and went through all the steps in my head and kind of mimicked the movements with my hands. One of the older students told me, that there's no need to do that and it'll all go well. And it kind of did. At the beginning I almost dropped the hishaku. But besides that, I made no bigger mistake. At one point, I realised I took the tea bowl with the wrong hand. But than I remembered what one of my teacher told me: If you notice you make a mistake, just act like you didn't and it's just "how we do things". And well, nobody probably even noticed it. My teacher also talked with the guests about me not being Japanese but still having a big passion for tea ceremony. She even praised my teacher in Germany and myself as well. This was a little awkward while being in the room, but I might just not be good with compliments in general.

Afterwards, I got a little break which we all took in turns. We had ordered bentos with some traditional Japanese food for that day. I was lucky to have my temae session before eating. I guess otherwise I would have not been able to get any food into my body.

4:00 PM - Finally Done

Around 4pm we finished the last session and everyone got really happy and relaxed. We talked about everything that happened, took pictures, drank matcha and also started to tidy everything up. My teachers and a lot of the guest brought some gifts for us, which we divided into little bags to take them home. And by 6pm most of us left the temple and started our way back home.

Overall the whole day was really exciting, but it was also exhausting. I hold so many precious memories, learned so many new things and got a little bit closer with everyone.

[snowbatsims]

VAMPIRE INTERMISSION #4, part 3

After most of the the party guests had left, only one remained: Maria-Elise, mother of Morten. She wanted to move in. Time to discuss.

BAT: ZZZZZZzzzZzZZzZZz

EINARR: Don't mind Bat. EINARR: So! You wanted to move in? MARIA: That I did! EINARR: Why? If I may ask... MARIA: Well, I think I'm getting a bit too old to live on my own. And I trust you guys to not eat me.

EINARR: Old? You? Maria-Elise Torsteinsdóttir, you're speaking to a man nearly twenty lifetimes old, MARIA: Well, I'm still a bit old for a human. EINARR: Fair enough! EINARR: And yeah - personally I kind of swore an oath to never hurt Morten's living relatives, he'll only have you for so long. EINARR: Actually, how long did you mortals live these days?

MARIA: See, that's the thing! MARIA: I am getting concerningly close to my Elder stage. I'm kinda Rune's age, remember? If I weren't an elder already, I will be soon! MARIA: And then after that, who knows how long my elderdom will be? EINARR: Oh! MORTEN: Oh......

MORTEN: THAT'S IT, she's living with us!! RUNE: Yeah sure, I won't mind- MORTEN: I am NOT letting MY MAMMA randomly die of old age off screen. Nope, not happening!! MORTEN: I will renovate Kvikindi's old room for her all by myself if I have to!! EINARR: Hah, go for it, I won't stop you. Kvikindi moved out years ago, anyway.

RUNE: I'll help! EINARR: I would gladly help as well. RUNE: Yeah!! It will be great to have a human in this house again! MARIA: Oh, thank you guys! EINARR: We have never had a human living in this house, Rune. Unless you count the ghosts, who are by definition no longer alive. RUNE: Ah right... Wait, ghosts? EINARR: You didn't notice our ghosts yet? RUNE: No! MARIA: Ghosts?

MARIA: I mean, I knew this house was haunted, but only by vampires! BAT: You mean us???? MORTEN: Oh hey you're awake. EINARR: Welcome back, child. EINARR: And yes, dóttir, this house is quite haunted by ghosts. Sorry to say. MARIA: I mean, I don't know why I'm so surprised! How do you even deal with the ghosts?

BAT: We don't. They're friends.

BAT: Sometimes, we hear them making funny noises in the walls. And moaning... So much moaning. And tapping! Random tapping, going *tip tip tip* on the tables and windows and walls, BAT: Once one of them grabbed my shoulders, and shrieked loudly into my ears the most ghastliest noise! BAT: But that's just their way of saying hello, you know? :D RUNE: And you never told me??? BAT: Of course I didn't. You'd shit your pants. RUNE: :/ BAT: And hey, not to mention that time-

MORTEN: Bat I SWEAR to all of Einarr's gods that if you literally end up scaring my own mother from moving in with us, I am stealing uncle Sigurd's vampire slaying kit- BAT: Wow, Mort. Chill. No you won't.

MARIA: No, I appreciate the honesty. I think it'll be fine. It's just ghosts. Maybe I won't even notice them... just like Rune. BAT: See? :D MORTEN: ...

RUNE: Well!! Enough about ghosts! How about we just show her around? Like the room we were thinking of? MARIA: That would be wonderful, thank you.

MARIA: Yeah... yeah! Sure! MARIA: I can work with this space.

RUNE: Well hey, if you need any help moving your stuff, we're right here! MARIA: Yes. Thank you. Would it be too much trouble to also change the wallpaper in here? It's a bit too dark for my taste. RUNE: Not at all!

MORTEN: You sure you won't mind living in a house full of vampires? MORTEN: I mean, Einarr said he won't hurt you, but Rune has been known to snack on his family members - RUNE: Excuse me, I always asked them first. MORTEN: Alright, Rune's probably fine too. But you know Bat has been really fond of your blood. BAT: snnzzzzZZ Z Z MARIA: Yeah. MARIA: But you guys cannot enter without invitation, right? I'll just lock my bedroom door every night. MORTEN: Hah. Smart.

MORTEN: Welcome to the house, mom.

And so, she moved in.

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

It's fine! Really!

And, honestly, it was actually a bit rude of me to ask in the first place, so how about we call it even?

I guess it just gets a bit frustrating sometimes, is all. And I understand. I used to not tag my more risqué stuff with "nsft" as diligently as I do now. Like, I just wouldn't even think. Then, I got an anon ask saying they were underage & were uncomfortable with that sort of content.

And I was horrified, so now I tag anything I post or reblog that has that sort of content with the right tag & try to encourage others to do so as well.

... Sorry, rambling. That tends to happen.

And, to be fair... I hate that we have so many Judge Frolos, too... but one thing we have to remember is to not generalize. People are just people. And that means that there are gonna be some rotten eggs in every carton, unfortunately.

Like, I could certainly name some really bad agnostics, but that'd be petty & rude, so I'm not going to. Especially considering how nice you'd been.

Also, if you happen to encounter Christians who act in such a way again? My suggestion is to point out how un-Christian their behavior is, possibly with scripture as proof that they aren't behaving how God expects us to. If they actually love Him & legitimately want to do right by him, then if nothing else, it'll at least plant a seed. And if they don't change their behavior, then they might not be as Christian as they pretend to be.

I don't know about anyone else, but that would give me pause & cause me to reexamine my behavior.

Well, whatever. Bless! And thanks for understanding.

Oml I adore you!!! You are absolutely right. I do my best not to generalize and remind myself that not all of one demographic is assholes (I live in a 99.9% Christian area, and its hard to not lump them together as they all really behave the same.)

You were perfectly fine calling me out on my posts if you truly did not enjoy it, especially if you are a follower and enjoy the 99% of my posts that are not religion related! Even if you are a fellow random who stumbled onto my domain, you are very brave for speaking up. I appreciate it.

Judge Frolos, lol. I appreciate the reference. You neat. I have been going that route when I come across folks of that nature, just... The folks of my town don't care, sadly. They continue with their false righteousness of hatred and bigotry and sadly, there is not enough people of the correct righteousness here to help fight back. It's a damn shame, and I admit it has clouded my judgement of many Christians in general. I am sorry for that, and I will do better in the future.

I will certainly try to do better about specific tags. Many may fall through the cracks, but I will definitely put more effort into taking notice of reposts of that nature at the very least.

I wish upon you love, luck, and happiness, my dear Relig Anon. May you be blessed in your endeavors, and may Jesus be with you. Feel free to drop by my asks in the future should you ever wanna chat about religion in a more open discussion or for any other random matter!

[greyzoneeeeee]

Intro

I felt inspired by Pride Month, and occasionally throughout the year I get curious about #asexuality on tumblr, so I'm writing some stuff. :)

I've known I'm asexual for quite a while now. I'm a Cis Woman in my early 30's, but probably discovered the term "asexual" when I was....18-19 maybe? I don't reeeeally remember how I found out about that word but it was a very underwhelming moment haha. It wouldn't surprise me if I discovered it through tumblr though. I remember seeing the word, reading about it and being all "Oh that's me! wowww, well there you go", went about my day, and now here we are lol.

I've been incredibly lucky with the timeline of my sexuality. I did obviously grow up in a world where the default was straight, LGBTQIA+/LGBT I don't recall ever hearing or seeing. So when there were questions like "What does your ideal man look like", "What would be the perfect wedding" etc, I could answer those. I never had much thought or feeling behind it, but they weren't really hard to answer. I think that's also another benefit of being a naturally quiet/shy/introverted kid growing up; you're not really as involved in conversations. I was able to grow up with almost no hounding about who I like, why aren't I dating, do I have a boyfriend, etc. Also romantic and sexual conversations were quite...minimal? I wasn't ignorant to the fact that it all existed, but I wasn't in social circles where it was frequent conversation either? It allowed me to live in a very quiet bubble, so quiet that I never actually felt different from others and never got upset that I didn't have a crush or whatever. I kinda just assumed it wasn't my time yet, it'll happen eventually, and I kept thinking that until I found the word asexual haha.

On the flip side it made it a bit more difficult for me to resonate with #asexuality on tumblr. For the most part the posts I saw were about feeling like an outcast/different from everyone else, having trouble explaining asexuality to people, all sorts of things. All of which are incredibly valid, and I'm lucky to have lived a basically stress-free asexual life so far. Me who lived in my bubble for so long, who isn't "out" to anyone, means I don't ~feel~ asexual cause I've never felt....different. Or just different enough to care. Over the years I discovered more ribs under the asexual umbrella, and some of them I've thought "oh yeah I think that explains me more", but then I'm also never quite sure either lol, so I just stick with the broad term asexual. s*x mentioning below.

In regards to sex I think I float between positive-neutral-repulsed lol. Maybe it's because we grow up so exposed to sex being part of an intimate relationship, so in works of fiction I can look forward to that. Especially when it's the first time for a couple. Most of the time I stay in neutral in regards to myself, and then here and there float towards repulsed. Funny ole brain. I have noticed over the years that I can get exposure fatigue? to it. I can enjoy written sex scenes in fiction but if it's happening often in the book I get sick of reading about it. The same thing happens with TV shows, so you can imagine Bridgerton gets a lot of random skipping ahead from me hah. Also I find p*rn far too graphic so I don't watch it. I think I like the silhouette of it from afar? So basically movie/tv/book romance sex.

Attractions musings are next.

[xiaophilia]

❝What's their love language?❞

‣ Reposting because the original (sort of) flopped. Also I noticed I made a few mistakes during the original posts so uh Lol. I'mrllyhopingthisdoesntflopagain.

✎...Includes: GN! Reader | Aether, Albedo, Childe and Diluc |

❬Information:❭ Fluff, established relationship, comfort

Intro: [Part 1 of 3 ] [Part 2] [Part 3] How does he show his affection? Gifts? Words? Touch? Well.. Let's find out!

More under the cut

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊Aether || Traveler

Acts of service! He is traveller who came from another world jumping from nation to nation, in hopes of finding his sister, all while reluctantly doing random quests strangers give him in exchange for a few bags of Mora and fighting ruin guards and sentient plant elementals on an almost daily basis.

Aether isn't afraid to do a few chores and errands for you, after all they are nothing compared to what he has been doing. And we'll besides that he just enjoys doing small things for you!

Tying and combing your hair for you, carrying your stuff if he thinks they're too heavy for you or helping with your commission if they're too difficult—he'd even cook for you if you'd like.

Aether just finds it absolutely satisfying when you thank him even for the smallest things, deeming your 'thank-yous' more precious and valuable than any rewards he's given. What can he say? He's fallen, hard and deep.

Quality time! He is a traveller from another world—his time in Teyvat isn't long.

If he finds his sister he's bound to leave. Every second with you is cherished by him.

Constant thoughts of you disappearing from his grasp plague his mind like a never ending nightmare—the paranoia forcing to check on you every so often, and whenever he sees you sitting by your home, he feels a sense of relief wash over him.

The heavy feeling replaced with serenity as he lays eyes on your figure. Aether always finds solace and peace within your presence, always seeking you out whenever he has the chance- whisking you away from everyone as he asks for your undivided attention and affection.

Aether has developed a habit of reminiscing some of his fondest memories with you, memories that never fail to paint an ever so goofy yet soft smile on his features, one so soft that his companions can't help but comment on. To them it's obvious, this man is smitten.

And lastly, gift giving! He enjoys collecting small trinkets from his adventures that serves as gifts to whenever he sees you, be it a small seashell from Liyue shores or a book he found in Sumeru.

Sometimes he takes pictures of views from places to places that he thinks that might suit your tastes. And maybe he can visit them once again- but this time it's with you. Ever since you two started dating, Aether had developed a hobby of visiting shops to browse for gifts whenever he has the funds, often ignoring Paimon's persuasion that they should buy food instead.

His bought gifts range from hair clips to pieces of jewelry. Though he doesn't mind being one on the receiving end once in a while, Aether still prefers giving, after all if ever he leaves Teyvat—you'll at least have something to remember him by.

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊Albedo || Kreideprinz

Physical Touch! Receiving and giving. Albedo isn't familiar with intimacy in general, so when it comes to initiating them it'll starts out as small, touches here and there- such as a soft pat on the the shoulder as an act of congratulation whenever something praise worthy happens, to a hand on your waist or on the small of your back whenever you two walk side by side. Having a hand draped over you in a side hug when sleeping that ends up in a cuddle in the morning.

Albedo who is unsurprisingly touch starved, melts whenever you show him the slightest bit of physical affection, of course that only happens under the privacy of your shared home, away from the prying eyes of others.

That being said he likes it whenever you comb a hand through his untied hair— finding the sensation of your fingers brushing against his scalp soothing, it never fails to calm his overworked mind.

Albedo is a type of person who prefers to have you on his lap whenever he misses you, wanting all of your undivided attention to be focused on him and him only— his hands tightly locked around your waist refusing to let you go, forcing you to stay in place for the next hour or so.

Words of affirmation! (Okay hear me out first, he shows it more on assurance but i think it counts?) Albedo isn't used nor does he understand anything about the concept of relationships, in fact he didn't care about it all, well that was the case until you came along and changed that.

Albedo is smart, and he's aware of how his unfaltering fascination with alchemy affects his relationship with you. It's selfish but he cannot afford to stop, and the same time he cannot afford to let you go either. So when insecurities start to rise up

Albedo drops everything, hundreds of words leave his lips, assuring you that no matter how deep his interest in alchemy is, it can never match how deep his love and devotion for you.

Praises spill from his mouth, funny how the ever so quiet alchemist becomes talkative for once in the face of his lover, wiping tears that threatened to fall, pressesing his forehead against yours but not before giving your lips a short yet gentle kiss and a small whisper of "I love you".

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊Bennett || Trial by fire

Acts of service! His constant bad luck that is often accompanied by a series of unfortunate events serves as barrier for Bennett.

Though that barrier never did seem to bother you, staying with him even when everyone left, holding his hands despite all the bad luck that you two went through, you were still there smiling at him replying with 'its alright' whenever a trip goes south. And because of that Bennett feels sort of indebted to you and promises to protect you whatever happens.

Always bringing twice the amount of the bandages he used to carry around, cooking two servings of food for the both of you to snack on and bandaging your injuries you get whenever something goes wrong.

Carrying your bags for you whenever he sees you tired, protests slip from one ear to another as he grabs your hand to leave for another adventure.

Words of Affirmation! Recieving. Bennett is someone who beams at the slightest of praises and blushes at the smallest of compliments. You can't really blame him he's just not used to it, yeah sure he gets complimented by his dads all the time but you're different.

He doesn't know how you're different—in a way... you just are! The constant praises of how good he is when it comes to fighting always makes him smile for the next few days.

Comments about how much you love him and cherish him sends butterflies to his stomach, a bright smile enough to rival the sun itself finds its way on his face as he loudly professes his love for you too.

Lastly Quality time! The both of you go adventuring quite often, though most of them end in scratches and bruises and with Bennett furiously spitting apologies left and right while bandaging your wounds.

Of course there are also times where your trips go well, if you excuse hillichurls chasing you and forgotten food, you two would end up under the huge tree in Windrise or near the cliffs of Cape oath, snacking on sunsettias and apples, basking in each other's presence as you two wait for the setting sun.

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊Tartaglia || Childe

Gift giving! He's rich, very rich. Anything you could possibly want will be given to you in a matter of hours. Shiny glittering jewels that reflects the sun, clothing made from the finest and softest silks from Liyue and flowers of different kinds, you name it, are delivered at by your doorstep by Fatui skirmishers announcing that those incredibly expensive items in front of you were sent by none other than your boyfriend.

They were beautiful but the items were far too expensive for your taste and you only choose to pick a few from the items, choosing the ones with the simplest of style and design, shooing the skirmishers back to their boss along with what's left of the items, telling them to tell your boyfriend to buy something less expensive next time (preferably food).

Of course when Childe hears it he can't help but be amused, he finds it surprising how you don't find any interest in anything expensive and that you prefered the simple—maybe you're just not used to luxury or maybe you just don't like them.

Either way he finds himself falling for you again.

Physical touch! Childe is one hell of a touchy individual. Not going on with his day without touching you at least once or twice.

A hand always placed somewhere on your body, a hand wrapped around your shoulders when sitting or around you waist when walking. Kissing and kisses galore, often stealing kisses from you when you least expect it. Always wanting to fluster you in ever way humanly possible—innocently or... Not so innocently.

Words of affirmation! He is a man who is not afraid to show his affection, either through actions or words or both! You'll never have a day where Childe doesn't profess his undying love for you in the most dramatic way ever.

Though times when talks about his recklessness and lust for fight, as well as doubts about your relationship start to break out, Childe will always have a way with his words to calm you down, he's an older brother, a loving one at that.

He's quick to reassure you that he'll be fine, and that he maybe reckless with fighting he still somewhat values his life, for you of course, he doesn't want to leave the world too early, after all he plans to spend the rest of his damned life with you.

Though when it comes to doubts about your relationship, it sort of pisses him off, why would he pursue a relationship if he's not interested in you? That would just be a waste of time.

Aren't the constant declaration of love he says on a daily basis not enough to show you that? Was he a person who'd just casually say those type of words to other people? He maybe a bit of an ass but even he knows how much the value of those words weigh.

He loves you, he really does. And he won't hesitate show you how much you truly mean to him.

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊Diluc || The Dark Side Of Dawn

Giving gifts! Unlike a certain harbinger who openly flaunts his never ending wealth, Diluc here is on the more tame side of the spectrum.

He isn't a fan of buying items that doesn't suit your taste, he finds it as a waste of both time and money.

But of course that doesn't mean he won't buy you anything expensive, he can and he will, money isn't the problem here, it's that his gifts hold more value and sentiments.

For him it's the thought that matters. Sure they're expensive as heck but there's a lot of thought put into picking the gift, making sure it's made of the finest materials and that it would suit your preference, that's what makes it more special.

Like that pair of promise rings Diluc gave you on your anniversary, telling you that he'll replace it soon with a real one—a pair of pure gold ring with red and f/c jewels embedded respectively, each with the initials of you and his name's carved within the ring.

Shoes made from the strongest leathers, and clothing made from the most expensive silks handpicked by Diluc himself. Beautiful assortments of flowers and exquisite chocolates delivered to you whenever he misses a date.

And despite your protests when it comes to his gifts he wont listen, he just wants to show you that he loves you— and what better way to show it than spoiling you with gifts?

Quality time! He may be a very busy individual, but that doesn't hinder him from giving you attention—always finding a way to clear up his tight schedule in favor of spending his time with you.

Pausing his works in the mean time to go on a little picnic date or just go on a long cuddle session for the whole day, within the comfort of your shared quarters. It's also a form of helping Diluc relax and unwind. You just being there and spending time with him calms him down, you were a breath of fresh air for him.

With you he feels as if all the burden he's been carrying had lessen, your presence is like the sun that shines brightly after a storm had past.

To Diluc you were one of the few good things that happened to him—that's why he cherishes you so much.

After losing not only his father but his brother as well took a huge toll on him—he lost too much and he can't afford to loose you too, because if he did, he might just loose himself too.

Now it would be acts of service but man overworkes himself too much so it'll be replaced by Physical touch! (Receiving) Diluc is a bit stiff when it comes to physical interaction, he blushes with the slightest of contact with your skin—now that doesn't mean he's uncomfortable, on the contrary it's actually the opposite.

He's touch starved. He's been deprived by love, spending most of his time alone, tall walls built around his heart to avoid getting hurt but you made it past those walls eased his hurting self and showered him in love and adoration!

That being said he loves holding your hands, especially if it's smaller than his. It gives him reassurance that you're here with him and he finds it comforting.

He isn't a fan of pda prefering to keep things private it doesn't stop the knowing looks and small glances he gives you. Subtle and not so subtle touches, like the soft brush against your fingers when serving you a drink he poured himself, to a hand on your shoulder—pulling you away from crowds or interlacing his hands with yours when walking back to the winery.

It's the small things that sends his heart fluttering and his face beet red.

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊Kaeya || Frostwind Swordsman

Words of affirmation! He's witty, charming— earning the hearts of many with little to no effort.

A wordy individual, that's what Kaeya is, using his glib tongue to twist situations into his favor— a rather helpful talent if he's being honest especially with a job like his.

It makes criminals easier to interrogate and not only that it's also helpful making you flustered! He just loves seeing you embarrassed.

Anyway, it's true that he's quite the flirt, treating almost everything as a joke that it almost makes you think that maybe he treats you as one too. But he doesn't. He loves you and he hates it when you have those types of thoughts.

Sometimes he curses himself for being such a flirt. He doesn't like it when you feel this way— it may seem like he's just joking around but he's serious about you! It's evident with the way his voice carries out the words he says with nothing but pure love.

His tone soft and light—that tone is not something he uses with others, it's reserved for you and you only. Praises that he truly means leave his mouth, those praises he gives you are nothing alike with the empty ones he gives others. He treats you differently. He loves you, dearly.

Physical touch! He's as touchy as he is flirty. Much like Childe, he likes touching you— not necessarily in a sexual way as it's more innocent.

Kaeya and innocent? I know, shocking.

Jokes aside. Kaeya is rather touchy— always having an arm on you one way or another—either a hand around your shoulder or around your waist.

He just feels the constant need to show off that you two are together.

He also likes holding hands, - bonus points if it's smaller than his- the feeling of both your fingers interwoven with each other gives him some sort of reassurance. Also he's definately a hand kisser and whenever he feels like it he'll grab a hand to press his lips on—just to see your reaction.

Speaking of kisses. He adores giving you kisses! As a romantic he likes to kiss you on the lips and/or neck but if you're not comfortable with it he'll just settle for the cheeks.

Either way it never fails to make you blush!

Quality Time! Although seeming as an extrovert—Kaeya is actually a person who quite lonely.

But ever since he met you he hasn't felt that— coming to terms that he has gotten used to another person's presence. That person being you of course!

With that said—he dislikes being away from you but with an occupation like his it's quite hard not to be far away from you.

As a captain of the knights he has a lot of duties. And because of it it makes him busy and unable to be with you but of course he always finds ways to cheat the system— he wouldn't be Kaeya if he didn't.

Anyways—on days where he isn't swamped by paperworks, Kaeya likes taking you on small outings— or just small strolls around Mondsadt. He also offers a lot of assistance when it comes to you doing commissions.

After all he'd been through— it's not surprising that he's a bit protective, of course he's not saying you're weak, he knows you can protect yourself but the thought of you getting hurt- it just doesn't sit right with him.

He might be a little sadistic but but putting you in danger is not something he wants. After all those years of being alone- he finally has someone again.

Someone who would love him despite all his flaws— someone who could cherish him. He's no longer alone.

[unsettledink]

An interesting thread on comments and comment culture passed by on my dash, and for some reason it hooked me in. As usual, I started off wanting to say one thing and next thing I know, I'm 4k in with thoughts that everyone wants to hear. Right?

I left most of it on the post, talking about how comments used to be conversations, and how it never feels like people address the vulnerability of leaving a comment when they try and encourage more feedback.

I don't have answers. It's a cultural shift and how do things end up shifting again? Something big like a new platform or a radical change will probably have to appear before things go in a different direction, whatever it may be.

So no, I don't have an answer. I can say what helps me out, personally, when trying to remember why I want to go through the work of leaving a comment:

I write. I know from the other side what comments feel like. I remind myself of the excitement of seeing a notification pop up. (Obviously if you don't write, this doesn't help that much lol.)

Whatever I fear them judging me for, I can almost guarantee someone else has already judged me for something much worse. I mean, come on. I know the sort of things I write or rec.

I've done it enough I have a template in my head of how to write a comment. There are a few resources for that floating around that are good for getting started. Practice makes perfect.

Applying techniques from therapy. I'm not great at it, or have really internalized it, but at least aware that my fears are being egged on by anxiety, by past bad experiences, by the special hell of rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Easier said than done, especially on certain days, but just... running out of fucks to give. Like, oh my god self, so what if some author thinks I was too enthusiastic about their fic? What does it matter? They're just another random person on the internet, what are they going to do? Laugh at me? Then they're the one being a jackass, AND they don't get any more comments. Whatever.

And on that last one, if it's feeling impossible, like it'll never happen... holy shit this is going to sound condescending, but give it some time. Me from 10 years ago would have laughed at the idea of not caring what someone else thought. At some point, without me really noticing, I just could not care what some rando on the internet thought. It wasn't an active 'no I'm not going to care', it was 'wow I cannot find the energy to give a shit about you'. (But I can still find it to be mad when someone is Wrong on the Internet, so.)

I bring that up because every time I find out someone's age lately, I'm like, Jesus Christ. I forget how young fandom - esp tumblr - skews. Cause of course, I'm still young! It's not like I'm old, it's just that everyone is... younger... than... me. Wait. But for real, being in your late teens SUCKS. (Maybe you're lucky and they don't, but I doubt.) Being in your early 20's somehow sucks even more??? Being in your 20's period sucks. You couldn't pay me to be 20-anything again.

(Thinking of all the fandom people on here 20, 30 years older than me being like lol, you're still so freaking young :D )

Every comment I get these days I hoard like a dragon, and anytime I'm feeling crappy about writing or about some new thing being a bomb, I pull those suckers out and reread them for ages. I've got a whole doc just of tumblr comments, cause there's no other good way to find them again. if I'm really desperate, I go poke to see if there's any new bookmarks on my fic, in case they dropped a tag or put in a collection of favs or left a note of some sort (ya'll know authors can see those right?).

And I'd say I'm a pretty confident writer. I know I write a lot of niche stuff in tiny fandoms, so comparatively, I probably get a lot of comments. I have a moderately high opinion of my writing skills, so I'm mostly not sitting there going 'oh god I'm the worst writer ever', whereas I know that's the case for a LOT of fic writers. I'm mostly just sitting there like 'why didn't it hit the spot? why won't anyone say anything? I am so desperate to talk shop please anyone give me an excuse!!'.

So just... yeah. Throw an emoji at me. Throw a gif at me. Throw a novel that takes six comment boxes at me. Throw the exact same comment at fifteen different chapters/fics. I love it all.

(And hey. If you just lurk and read, it's okay. I get it. I still love you too.)

[reporterleroux]

"What if we lived together?"

Characters: ig!tubbo, ig!ranboo, ig!tommy x gn!ghosthybrid!reader (/p, all together)

A/N: Ok so this has been on my mind a fair bit, thinking about you being best friends with the Bench Trio and how one day you randomly popped up with "what if we all lived together?" As a joke and they were like YES SURE OK and you went looking for a spot and stuff

!SOME LANGUAGE!

-------------------------------------------------------

You started the day with the sun glaring through the slit in the curtain burning through the sleepiness if your eyes as if it was trying to say "GET OUT OF BED NOW." So thats what you did. With a groan, you slid to sit over the side of your bed, taking a moment to adjust to the fact you just woke up, before heading down into the kitchen of your single occupant house to make some breakfast. You dug around the cabinets, wandered around the kitchen, attempting to find anything.

"Ah shit."

You whispered in annoyance as you remembered. You were meant to go out to the market the day before and got distracted by multiple other things, therefore leaving you with no food anywhere in the house. You sighed in frustration, you really need to talk to Phil, see if he can help you get distracted less, because otherwise, well, you get this. You sighed in defeat of your past self, and went upstairs to get ready for the day. You jumped into the shower, pondering what chaos you and your best friends would be getting up to today.

You floated through the walls of your silent home, the only sound heard was your light humming as you were doing so. You grabbed and threw on your usual attire, knee length multi-pocketed shorts, a small-ish pocketed belt, a white shirt and some fingerless leather gloves. You liked pockets, they were a useful tool for you considering you were never seen holding any form of bag, ever. You made sure you had all the stuff you needed in your pockets, medical stuff, money, and other things, before you slipped on your off-white trainers and went out the door, headed towards the market.

"The market is on the way to the bench, I can grab a quick breakfast there;"

You grabbed the small clock from One of your many pockets, and looked at it.

"I've got time, as long as I don't get distracted, I'll be fine."

You said to yourself. Though past experiences would prove otherwise. You were usually roughly the 2nd one to the bench, only stopping for a few seconds to look at things on the way.

When you finally made it to the market, it was bustling with life. It was Sunday, so there were more stalls up, therefore more customers. You looked around for a bit before deciding to settle on a simple bagel, it'll fill you for now anyways. You looked at the clock again.

"HUH? HOW?"

You questioned, almost choking on your bagel. It was 10:30, you were about half an hour late. You thanked the stall owner before sprinting off towards the bench.

You could see the boys from a distance, but they couldn't see you, so you decided to play a small prank on them. You went into a full phantom state, making everything you wear plus yourself invisible, before flying up towards them. You stood behind them, them un-aware of your presence, and you slapped Tommy against the back of his head.

"WHAT THE FUCK? WHO? WHAT? HUH?"

He started shouting, whipping his head around while rubbing the back of it with his hand. The other 2 boys did the same. That's when you ghosted through the small gap between Ranboo and Tommy, grabbing Ranboos crown and placing it on your head in the process. That's when you made yourself visible again, still floating with Ranboos crown wonky on your head, laughing like there was no tomorrow. When Tubbo and Ranboo noticed, the started laughing as well.

"Y/N!"

Tommy shouted. You continued to laugh.

"I got you SO GOOD!"

You managed to get out between laughs. Tommy looked pissed, but you could tell he found it funny as well. You weren't his best friend for nothing. You sat in the small gap you ghosted through earlier, and stared to chat with they boys, Ranboo taking his crown back doing so.

You all talked for a while, before the most random question slipped off your tounge.

"What if we lived together? Y'know, like in the same house that we built and chose the land to live on."

Silence was brought among the group. You were slightly worried, thinking you said something wrong, before Tubbo spoke up.

"Y/N... That's- That's a great idea!"

Ranboo and Tommy nodded in agreement.

"Come on! Let's go find somewhere now!"

Tommy said as he grabbed the nearest wrist to him, that so happened to be yours, and started dragging you away from the bench, the other boys close behind.

The 4 of you wandered for a good hour or so, with a few distractions for you in-between, before stumbling upon Niki.

"Oh, hey guys!"

Niki called in a cheery voice.

"What are you up to?"

As to which you responded;

"Hey Niki! Were just looking for somewhere we could live, like an empty plot of land or something."

Niki's eyes visibly lighted up.

"I know somewhere great! It's peaceful but also nearby to prime path, you get what I mean?"

She stated, as to which you all nodded. You walked for a little bit before reaching a slight hill, traversing up it before you were met with a empty plot of land. It was a beautiful area, and Niki was right, it was nearby prime path. The view was one of the many amazing things about the area, but that's not what caught your eye. Oh no. In fact, it was the brightly coloured flower field, just over a few yards away from you. You ran straight over while the others were talking about the land with Niki, unaware of your sudden, but close by disappearance. You laughed while you chucked yourself into the flowers, taking in every moment.

"What are you thinking Y/N, should we build our house here?"

Ranboo asked turning his head, realising you were gone the whole time. It didn't take him long before he saw you running though the flower field and around the nearby trees, clearly having the time of your life. He nudged the other boys and simply pointed towards your figure, showing them your visible enjoyment, before they all turned back to Niki, knowing what the other 2 were going to say.

"Yes Niki, we will build our house here."

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A/N: FINALLY CAN GET THIS OFF MY MIND LIKE WOW but yes imagine them being your best friends

Or even better

Just them

Have a great day!