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#so so insane to me. i think they deserve each other so much
sloopaysfan · 1 day
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How does the other members of the mirror! Party feel about mirror!sif ?
Please tell me they at least like him ;w;
see the thing abt that is like. ok. the main problem in mirror isat is that the party really really really do like each other. and want to be friends. but they each consider themselves completely incapable of that in some way.
like. isa. has complicated feelings on sif. they hate siffrin for so effortlessly mingling with others. for trying to make him talk about the stuff he hates about himself. for making him feel like a horrible person just by being so crabbing NICE! and smart in a way he just isnt. isa says he hates siffrin, but i think deep down he kind of hates himself through siffrin.
and odile like... knows shes awful lol. shes a pathological liar, a self proclaimed grave robber, and serial killer. shes cruel and manipulative and frankly doesn't care if the others live or die. but its a fun thing where she does like being around these people. she... surprisingly to herself, wants to keep being with them. but she knows she can't have that. so she's not chasing it.
mira makes me so sad . girl who hates the very religion shes practically a poster child of. shes such a perfect representation of change. she hates the belief. she was blessed by a god she spends her every waking moment trying to disprove the existence of. she likes siffrin, but knows they deserve better than the moody antisocial hypocrite that is Her. it was nice being with them while they were here, though.
AND BONNIE!!! loves frin so much. siffrin who was willing to go against his own friends to save them, a stranger. an adult who wasn't willing to let a child be hurt by the people they cared about. it's... the kind if thing bonbon always wanted. they try to repay the favor. try to get strong enough to help frin. to get revenge against the people who tried to hurt them and imagines different faces when they try.
sorry idk if this answered anything or if its all too rambly they all make me slightly insane
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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years
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of the popular bakugo ships, which one do you think is best for him in the long run? like which dynamic does he thrive the most in?
oh cee,,,u cant do this to me /lh.. im so biased AJHDSKS
i think krbk and bkdk are two very different dynamics and i do genuinely understand both of them (and like!!! both!!!) but to me the answer will always and forever be bkdk.
BUT. i dont think that can be said without the inevitable speech that bkdk as a romantic relationship is going to take a lot more work than krbk would.
while i like krbk and i think it's enjoyable to read if i am holding it up to bkdk it is a relationship i do genuinely view more platonically than i do bkdk. to me bkdk is like... the end game of bkgs life in a lot of ways. it takes way more to unpack and way more growth from both parties to make it work.
like. it takes time. it takes a lot of back and forth and it takes a lot of bakugou learning how to really be forgiven (and for both of them to learn how to be honest with their feelings.) like it takes years
eventually though, i think bakugou realizes that deku has been there for every single moment of his life with undoubted faith and there was never a moment he was deluded about any of who he is. the persistence and magnitude in which deku loves him as well as the inspiration he gets from competing with deku is something that i think is so good for bakugous life. they feel made for each other to me
it takes more time for them because it's a lot more intricate. but once they're there it just clicks. like everything in bakugous whole life just clicks everything makes sense. and i think it makes him wonder why things couldnt be that way from the start
i say this a lot but there is just no ship that could ever compare to me but i do think my specific interpretation of bkdk is not the popular one so i understand why people lean towards krbk.
bkg deserves that kind and shameless adoration and both ships can provide that but less people usually see it in the bkdk way but i feel like once i started rlly looking at bkdk it was simply impossible for me to see anything else.
i am a multshipper at heart so i will read anything where bkg is being adored but. bkdk simply hits different for me forever.
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ruvviks · 4 months
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.
Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.
anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#tew#edit:nathan#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#so much shame in my body but still used my taglist but um let me know if you want to be excluded from oc/ship web weaves#just really wanted to share this one because i'm very proud of it and i want it on my blog. so. :]#recognition of the self through the other + wanting so desperately for the other to be deserving of a second chance#because if there is hope for them than there is hope for you etc etc and so on. that's the core of their dynamic i think#they understand each other on such a fundamental level that no one else comes close to because they are in so many ways the same#like how in in the first game leslie could sync up with ru/vik and all that? nathan would be a VERY good candidate for that as well#and it makes me insane!! and then the added layer of nathan being lead developer of mobius' new and improved STEM system#which makes him the same as ru/vik AGAIN but in like. the way that they're both men of [computer] science#and there's the fact they both have a dead sister. they both killed their parents. they were both mobius playthings for YEARS#and they've happily killed and tortured during all of it. they're angry they're out for revenge they're completely disconnected from#the normal human experience and they're working with what they have. and then after all of that is over then what is left?#their story focuses on them picking up all the pieces. everything that's still salvageable at least. and try to start over in a way#they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future#there's still things left undone and left unsaid... in my canon at least. i know there's not gonna be any more games. it's fine#anyway they end up going to therapy and then they get better they're not a doomed couple they just like being dramatic#if you read all of this we can get married tomorrow if you'd like
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skishie · 5 months
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💡🖌️
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artisthedgehog · 3 months
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no bc i genuinely think but im a cheerleader is like the only movie i can rewatch its just so good im crying and sobbing
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blue-eli · 3 months
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Thinking about Kairi & Sora but mainly Kairi and going insane. Girl you have so many issues
#blue babbles#I think she should get worse actually I think it would fix her/hj#I think she needs to figure out who the fuck she is. I think she needs to figure out who she is completely without him#to become someone who isn’t defined by his presence or absence#I also think she should explore her gender. use he/him pronouns as a treat. she doesn’t gotta stick with them#but I think trying it out would be helpful.#I almost think she would benefit in a way that might screw her over a bit to think Sora is 100% dead and gone. not waiting for him not with#him not searching for him and sudden being forced to mourn him because there’s nothing else to do.#I think in a way she’s been mourning him for years already but to truly feel and acknowledge those feelings would be great for her#him coming back would screw her up a bit again (bc of course he’d come back) but in the end she’d have a better leg to stand on with ever#I also think being friends with Ventus might help her? I don’t know give her friends man. I want her to form connections.#I think Roxas and Naminé’s relationship with her should be explored too.#I need to put her under a microscope. I need to stick her in a blender. I need to watch her to be stripped down to her very core#and then build herself up again. she needs so much therapy#there is something very specific about the way I am insane about her in particular. she is has The Issues Ever to me I need to dissect her#I’m chewing on her like bubblegum. I love her she deserves so much better#also she deserves to be hugged. to be given so many hugs.#I think she needs to start over from the beginning with Sora and Riku. they need to build a new friendship instead of playing in the ruins#of an old one. they don’t know each other and they’ve known each other since they were small and they are now strangers.#I need them to not see each other for decades i need to lock them in a room together I need Kairi to punch them directly in the face#something she may struggle with because she is 5ft. but she deserves it#one of the characters ever I need her to scream at someone#there’s something about her that is just the ever. the character ever to me. I love her
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deadrlngers · 2 years
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nothing bad will ever happen to them for sure fo4 events holding a giant bat: yea sure :)
template + El belongs to amazing @devilbrakers
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pantoranqira · 1 year
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Simonjess is LITERALLY soulmateism
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hungersauce · 1 year
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im gonna be real anon I don't care about label shit ship discourse I care about if real people are getting hurt and ONE reblog from someone being jokingly aggressive on the subject isn't enough to convince me that people are getting hurt when there's more evidence to the contrary. you've put me in a shitty situation here and I don't want to engage with it. please just ask people what they actually think next time before you go throwing your assumptions at other people.
#i trust enough that most of my mutuals understand the nuance needed of media depiction of unsavory subjects.#if i'm wrong then I'm wrong. okay. thank you.#i hate the dichotomy i hate the lack of nuance in this discussion I want people to actually talk to each other#I want people to realize that you can respect people with different opinions than you if they aren't actually hurting anyone#I'm literally. someone who was alone with me a lot as a kid is in prison for CP/solicitation. I think if anyone can say that media-#depiction of fucked up shit that really happens is more nuanced than 'x is bad so it shouldnt exist'#you cant do that in real life. you cant make something not exist. just because something fictional contains it doesnt mean it condones it.#im so tired. im so tired. why wasnt this a dm. i dont really want to have this discussion publicly.#i can think things are gross but understand that there's nuance to depiction and just because I don't like it doesn't mean those people-#-don't deserve to have something that understands them.#not everyone is good at actually. being mature enough to handle that nuance. when they try. people can be wrong#and if people ARE weird I can just not engage with them. there's. I can decide for myself!#and now I'M stuck in my brain is insane and. as if! as if people always reblog things they 100% agree with!#im so tired. im so tired. im in pain and people are messaging me about a singular reblog from six months ago on someone else's blog.#i understand being cautious i really do but thats like insane behavior. why are you putting this on me. why didn't you just talk to me.#fucked up things happen and people deserve to be understood. okay. even if i don't like it. there is no right answer. there is no world-#where all pain can be avoided. saving private ryan made vet suicides skyrocket. did you know that#but it also understood those people. yknow. and there's more people living that it understood too.#there's just so much nuance that's thrown out when you cover everything you don't like with a blanket. okay#it's more complicated. it's more complicated. please.#in my mind it's far stranger to assume everyone is out there giggling and twiddling their fingers thinking about in/cest#than it is to just assume they don't until proven otherwise.#im so tired. just block me if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I don't care about ship disco/urse and i dont want to live-#constantly worried about what other people think about shit that has no right answer.#everyone is innocent until proven guilty and one reblog of a joking aggressive post isnt enough for me. sorry.#phlyaros' nonsense#euurgh.#welcome to the internet where we judge people based on one reblogged joke and nothing else even if it contradicts us#what a perfect encapsulation of what I don't like about dichotomy argument#tw suicide
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mielgf · 1 year
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do you ever speak to ppl and are just like… how do you navigate the world… with so little self awareness…
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shushmal · 2 months
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Steve who is kind of pissy and put-out that, after finally figuring out that liking boys is okay, he has no one to talk about cute boys to.
Robin will talk about girls all day long, but as soon as boys are brought up it’s all gagging and eye rolling and judgement.
Dustin settles with a slightly disturbed look, turning a magazine around every angle before giving Steve a hesitant, “I guess?”
Max just fights with him. On purpose, probably.
Steve would literally rather talk about wet paint before even trying with Nancy or Jonathan.
And it feels wrong and mean to talk about it with Eddie, who Steve loves very much and is absolutely his number one forever. But still, Steve is missing out on the opportunity to gossip and it’s horrible.
That is, until the night of The Gay bar. Steve’s first night at a gay bar. It deserves capital letters. He’s gotten to dance and kiss and hold on to Eddie all night and it’s been amazing. And then it happens.
A guy walks by, tall and golden, his black hair falling in a straight waterfall down his back. He’s wearing more glitter than clothes, and he looks almost alien, he’s so beautiful. Steve’s jaw drops.
He catches himself instantly, mouth closing with a click, and he whips his head around just in time to meet Eddie’s expression—shocked, panicked, and embarrassed—a perfect mirror to Steve’s.
They stare at each other for a moment, and then break into nervous giggles.
“Jesus,” Eddie says. “That guy was—”
“Insanely hot?” Steve laughs. They turn together, just in time to see the guy disappear into the crowd. “I didn’t know guys could be that pretty!”
“You saying I’m not pretty, Harrington?”
“You gave me shit last week that you’re actually handsome and rugged.”
“You called me cute!”
“And you are, dork!”
“… You think I could pull off a harness like that?”
Steve grins at him. “Oh, absolutely.”
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karouvas · 1 year
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I don’t understand so many lines of thought certain people had going into this show but one of ones I understand least is people who thought they were going to watch the whole affair storyline unfold not only with no physical intimacy, but also no emphasis on them being attracted to each other, and also no one actively flirting with anyone else like????
#and I mean they do talk about being attracted to each other physically in the book too as well as emotional and creative bonding#and there are lines in the book I would not classify as Not actively flirting less of it yes because of format but#they can’t monologue/describe how they feel about each other + have outsider povs on them all the time like in the book.#the show has to Show (lol) you things the book can tell you or imply to you#it’s a different format… it’s like some of you don’t know how tv as a medium Works.#also ‘I need to have characters spell out/tell me their motivations to be sympathetic I refuse to actually do the work to analyze based on#What’s being communicated to me visually’ 💀#s speaks#Especially especially how people engage with show Daisy drives me insane like….#‘I could deal with her perusing him a little in the book but the show made her Too persuer-y and shameless and a heartless homewrecker#I can’t love her as a character anymore because she doesn’t constantly look into the camera and tell me she knows what she’s doing is wrong#/apologize/generally convey she thinks she’s a horrible person (I mean show Daisy totally hates herself as much as book Daisy does if you#pay Any Attention she can also be hella compassionate again if you Pay Attention#like she’s not some one dimensional heartless woman Riley plays her as So humanized and complex idk what to tell you.#But like. you bitches don’t deserve her glad I get to keep Her (show Daisy) for myself#((you don’t deserve book Daisy either imo like you don’t deserve to say you care about her at all imo but anyway))#I’ve said this before but in a way it’s a good thing the discourse surrounding the adaptation and a lot of the crit is so dumb#because it heightens my own experience/enjoyment tbh#and makes the criticisms I do have less of a sticking point than they would be otherwise
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poetskings · 5 months
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@jegulus-microfic | April 18: sock | 1.6k
James is sexiled and decides to spend time with Regulus.
There’s a sock on the door knob.
It’s been a long day and James is tired and there’s a fucking sock on the door knob and if he listens close enough he can hear soft grunts.
He’s happy for Sirius and Remus, really, he is, he just wishes that they’d fuck at Remus’ every now and then, and at least keep it to the bedroom.
Sirius and James share a college flat with Peter, Marlene and Lily, so there aren’t many options when they’re all out. Today,  James knows that Peter and Lily have chess club, and Marlene’s training for the women’s boat race, so it’s only him who’d be around.
He sighs and turns around, sending Regulus a text as he goes.
Been sexiled – your dorm free?
He’s walking before he’s received a response – he’s almost positive that the answer will be ‘yes’, and he hasn’t seen Regulus in a week, so they’re long overdue a catch up.
Their friendship was one of the more unexpected things to come out of Regulus bucking centuries of Black tradition and instead following in his brother’s footsteps, choosing Cambridge over Oxford. He settled in nicely to Corpus Christi, flying through his first few years as a history undergraduate while Sirius and James chose Trinity instead.
It took a while but slowly and tentatively Sirius and Regulus attempted to heal their relationship, strained by Regulus’ years at Harrow after Sirius packed up and left when he was sixteen, dropping out and enrolling at a local state school instead. They’re much better now; their barbs at each other aren’t quite as jagged. There’s love there, now, rather than just animosity.
As Regulus and Sirius attempted to mend their relationship, James and Remus had been called in early on to mediate, or sometimes it was Regulus’ friends, Evan and Barty, or even Pandora. From those early tentative meetings in neutral territory, new and interesting friendships bloomed, most of all between Regulus and James.
From early study sessions, it evolved into coffee dates and library outings, and when Remus and Sirius sorted their shit out it became even more frequent – the pair never make James feel like a third wheel, but nonetheless they deserve time to themselves, even if James would prefer for them not to fuck on every and any available surface in their dorm.
Regulus is a comforting presence for James; he doesn’t demand anything of him. James is naturally an extrovert; always the centre of a room, but sometimes he needs to recharge, and Regulus lets him do that. He reminds James of calm waters on a spring day, and whenever James needs to quiet his mind, he finds the youngest Black. He only hopes he offers Regulus some of the same comfort in return.
That, and maybe something more. Maybe he hopes that one day there’s a sock on his door knob, and that the reason is Regulus..
James is drawn out of his thoughts as his phone dings.
Sure – text me when you’re here, will come meet you
It’s a five-minute walk but James makes it there in two, calling Regulus to get him to buzz him in. He’s a familiar figure amongst the second years at Corpus, and he’s pretty sure a few of them will have also texted the youngest Black to alert him to James’ presence.
The college door opens and Regulus emerges, dressed in sweatpants and a Trinity rowing sweatshirt that James left last time he was over. He’s so lovely, James thinks, an impulse he doesn’t know how to control; isn’t sure he wants to control it.
“Sexiled, huh?” Regulus holds the door open as James steps through, falling into step with each other and walking up a flight of stairs to reach Regulus’ dorm. It’s empty, although that isn’t uncommon for Regulus. Barty and Evan hold unsociable hours, and Regulus, Pandora and Dorcas have a frankly insane amount of extracurriculars to attend, so they’re rarely together.
“There was a sock on the front door and I’m pretty sure I could hear noises so I didn’t want to risk it,” James says, settling himself in the kitchen, finding Regulus’ mug and a new one with a deer in glasses; a ‘congratulations’ for James’ performance in the inter-college boat races that’s become a permanent fixture in Regulus’ dorm.
He locates the teabags; Yorkshire for James, organic for Regulus, before turning back to the mugs.
“I don’t blame you – those two seem to spend more time fucking than not – it’s a minor miracle they get any work done,” Regulus chuckles, gently bumping James’ hip to get to the fridge, taking out his oat milk and James’ rice milk.
They settle into the routine like it’s second nature; they’re familiar with each other in a way that’s almost intimate. They stand together waiting for the kettle to boil, perhaps a bit too close for it to be entirely platonic, but James isn’t going to move away if Regulus doesn’t.
He always feels like they’re teetering on the edge of something more than what they are, something better, but for all of James’ bravery, he isn’t sure how to make the next move, and he doesn’t want to wreck this peace that Regulus and his brother have been working so hard on.
“So, how was your day?” Regulus asks, tilting his head to better look at James. He looks unbelievably soft in James’ jumper and James thinks that if he just moves his pinkie he can link it with Regulus’.
“Exhausting. I had rowing first thing and a few readings to do for my supervision that I’d completely missed,” James sighs. He loves his degree but he’s never been as organised as Regulus, who seems to have work done almost before it’s set. “Also, I spent a solid ten minutes looking for that jumper.”
A light blush creeps up Regulus’ cheeks at that. “Sorry, you left it here after practice last week so I washed it but completely forgot to text you.”
A smile falls across James’ face. “You’re fine, Reg, and besides, it suits you. I guess I should get myself a Corpus one to match, huh?” He smirks as the red of Regulus’ cheeks becomes more pronounced.
The kettle whistles and Regulus turns away from James to fill their cups. “James Potter, behave yourself.” He hip checks James again, this time with a bit more force. Except he doesn’t move back. He stays there, leaning against James, and James feels like his entire body’s a livewire.
The tightrope they’re walking is getting more taut, and James finds himself eager for the fall.
“But Regulus, dearest, where’s the fun in that?” He leans forward, entirely too close for it to be platonic, and Regulus is turning, turning-
“Ow! Fuck!” James forgot about the fact that Regulus was holding a kettle of boiling water, and he’s paying for that now. Water splashes over the counter as Regulus rushes to put the kettle down, taking James’ hand and leading him over to the tap.
He turns the cold water tap on, letting it flow over their entwined hands. He is too still, too silent, and James wants to go back to where they were. He wants the tightrope back. He wants to fall.
He can be brave, he thinks, if it means he gets to have something with Regulus.
Regulus is staring intently at their entwined hands, like it’s the most fascinating thing in the universe, and James breaks the silence.
“Reg-”
“What are we doing, James? We’ve been tiptoeing around each other for weeks and it’s driving me insane and I want to be around you all the time and I think I’m already half in love with you so I’d love if you can clear up what this is,” he states, false bravado injected into his tone, but James can hear the tremors. He’s so nervous, but so brave. Regulus Black, the Lion Heart.
It takes a while for the words to register in James’ head.
Oh.
Oh.
James removes his hand from the running water, ignoring the slight sting and the inevitable burn that will be left. He cups Regulus’ cheek, forcing the younger boy to look at him. Regulus is terrified, but so hopeful.
“Reg, I- I want-” James runs his hand through his hair in frustration. He can’t get his words out.
“Jamie?” Regulus’ voice is so soft, as though he’s worried he’ll scare James off, and the only thing James can do is kiss him.
Regulus’ lips are rough, a bit chapped from where he nibbles on them when he’s nervous. He tastes of tea and cinnamon and James wants to devour him. There is nothing soft about it. James’ tongue darts out, soothing Regulus’ lips, and the younger boy lets out a moan that’s pure filth and ecstasy and James is falling, falling, fallen.
He wants to do this forever.
His hands find their way to Regulus’ waist, tracing the skin underneath the Trinity sweater that’s been driving James insane since he first saw Regulus wearing it. It’s his, it’s him.
They break apart to breathe and James attaches his lips to Regulus’ neck, marking, claiming. He can’t think beyond this moment, beyond the boy in front of him.
“Jamie, we should- we need to-” he cuts himself off, broken sighs escaping his lips as he tangles his hands in James’ hair.
James reluctantly removes himself from Regulus’ neck, taking the boy’s face in his hands. “Do you want this, Reg? Do you want me?”
Regulus’ eyes trace James’ face, and whatever he sees softens him.
“Always, Jamie.” And James is lost.
They’ll talk about it later, as the sunlight paints the walls of Regulus’ room, but this is enough for now. For ever.
And if Barty finds a sock on the door knob when he comes back from the library, well, that’s between him and Regulus.
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gor3sigil · 24 days
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I’m Trans and Insane and I’m doing fine.
[TW Psychosis, transphobia, psychophobia, medication, psych ward]
“Are you sure ?” she asked.
I remember looking back at her in disbelief, because that was certainly a question I never asked her when she came out.
“Why do you ask ?” I say.
“Dude, I’ve seen you go into depersonalization so hard you even thought you were a human soul in a robot vessel and now, you want me to trust you when you say that you, too, are trans ?”
That’s the memory that comes back to me as I fold and put in my bag my psychiatrist’s note attesting that I suffer from gender dysphoria, NOT LINKED to any psychotic symptoms. Here it goes in my folder with my prescription note, an increase - again - of my anti depressants and Xan, and my endocrinologist’s HRT prescription, increased too - finally.
I go to two separate pharmacies to pick up each prescription for two reasons:
There is only one in this godforsaken town that always had testosterone in stock.
I can’t explain to you with words the look you can get when you give back to back, to someone who, despite not being a doctor, works in healthcare, a note for trans HRT and then a note for psychiatric meds.
And I’m lucky, because I’m not taking antipsychotics anymore. Contrarily to what you could think, it doesn’t magically makes the voices and the shadowy people disappear, but it can make a mess of your head pretty bad and my doctor and I both agreed that I didn’t need more damage up here than what I already had. And no, it doesn’t make your delusions vanish magically too: in fact, I was still pretty certain that I was talking to my soul family out here in Argentine telepathically about my mission on Earth, the meds just made it more difficult to understand their voices, but the belief was still solid.
Anyways, I’m back home with the Hoy Grail I fought tooth and nails to get: a letter from the Sacred Council of Mental Sanity also known as Psychiatry that I was, indeed, a bit delulu, but also trans, and that both things didn’t play into each other. My transness wasn’t a delusion, my delusions didn’t have anything to do with being trans.
Or did it ?
Chicken or egg, you know the drill. Did I have my selves fractured before and one of the piece that shattered my brain happened to make me trans or was I just trans with a shitload of traumas in the back that made me insane ?
But don’t worry, at least, trans people when we’re together, we have each other’s back ! Right ?
“Transidentity ISN’T a mental illness !! We don’t DESERVE to be FORCIBLY LOCKED UP and MEDICATED and MADE TO CONFORM FOR OTHER’S SENSE OF SECURITY !!”
Neither do I, RIGHT ?
Oh
Or do I ?
Remember what she said, my girlfriend, right at the beginning ?
How I can’t be trusted about myself when sometimes I don’t even have a sense of self anymore or I have too much selves who fight against each other ?
And what do we say to that ?
Get treatment. Get in-patient. Take medication. And for the love of God, shut the fuck up about it, you’re giving us a bad name.
Because being trans and crazy can’t exist. It’s absurd. You have to fix one of these two things. Choose which jacket I’ll wear, and they call it a straitjacket for a reason it seems, so am I queer or am I insane ?
All I know today is there isn’t a universe in which I’m a trans without any mental illnesses, or mentally ill without being trans. And yet, I can’t tell you how many time I got asked “do you think you’d be trans if you never got through [x trauma] ?”. I. Don’t. Know. I’ll never know. And I deserve just as much agency as you get despite being mentally ill. If you don’t believe in that, don’t come yapping about “liberation for all of us”, but “if one of us is crazy they’ll all think I am too and that can’t happen”.
No LGBTQIAA+ person deserves to be told they need to be put away, to be cured, to be allowed out in the open only if they’re deemed “acceptable” by society’s standards. And no mentally ill people deserve to either.
No trans person should be going through years of counseling to have the access to HRT.
And I shouldn’t have had to threaten my own mother’s life to avoid being locked in an adult psych ward at 14.
If you ever think, for one second, that these two things have nothing to do with one another, you are far removed from history.
To hear queer people say “yeah but some mentally ill people are dangerous !” feels like you don’t even know where you come from.
And if I want to say, that me being trans is linked to me being mentally ill, or at least, that both are connected in a way, all hell breaks fucking loose.
So I’ll explain very carefully.
See, when I was young, my mind got shattered into a thousand of pieces I had to try to glue back on. All these pieces of myself broke further more down the line because I couldn’t catch a fucking break. And now, it happens that the final puzzle does not have the same face it had before. It happens that its shape changed over time, for reasons over the control of all of us who tried to build ourselves back. Now there’s a bigger picture, less pieces, a few other shadows, and me. Built from the shatters. With my own needs and afflictions.
And whoever you are, whatever your agenda might be, I will not let anyone take any agency away from me under the false pretext that I can’t know anything for myself. They say that about children, they say that about minorities, about physically disabled people, about the people they want OUT. And my trans siblings, you know that.
I came out for the first time 7 years ago, to my then girlfriend, who was the one asking the question that is the first sentence of this text. I came out a second time 3 years ago. Been on HRT, had top surgery, had psychotic breaks, got my meds changed, switch therapist.
Because I am trans and crazy. And yet, all these choices I made, I made myself. It didn’t have to be that hard to get the basic care I needed. It didn’t need to be. But it WAS. And I’m part of the lucky crowd of people who had access to out-patient treatment, who never have been locked up in ward, who managed to stay alive through meds withdrawals without medical assistance when I had no therapist.
Be very careful of when you start to put conditions on the rights you think you deserve. Be very, very careful about your definition of sanity and of how it warps the way you see people. When you start to say “I have access to that, but there’s people like X or Y who shouldn’t BECAUSE”, pause and ask yourself what led you to think this way. More often than not, you’ll find yourself playing the same mind games as the ones you swore to fight against, and when it gives them the upper hand, they won’t hesitate to come for you after that.
765 notes · View notes
harrysfolklore · 5 months
Note
another instagram prompt with madison beer as face claim but relationship focused please!! 🥺
WELL HELLO THIS IS MY FIRST F1 BLURB 🥹 i’m kinda nervous idk why but i hope you like it! i left this open for a part two so lmk if that’s something you’d like to see
btw this is obviously inspired by taylor and joe breakup and taylor and travis lol, also harry ilysm sorry for making you the villain here, anyways, ENJOY!
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON | PART TWO HERE
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yourinstagram THE SPINNIN TOUR STATRS IN 10 DAYS 🥲🤍 who am i seeing there??
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ynfan1 SO FUCKING EXCITED
conangray LETS GO 🔥
ynfan2 this is going to be the biggest concert tour in history and i’m so serious
↳ ynfan1 i mean the pre sale broke ticketmaster, three stadium dates on each city sold out. it’s going to be insane
harryfan1 i can’t wait for the boyfriend harry content this tour is going to give us
ynfan3 she’s getting ready to make history
annetwist ❤️❤️❤️
harryfan2 soooo ready to see harry at the vip box on opening night and all the other nights
dualipa an angel 🤍
oliviarodrigo 💘
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harryupdates Harry out in London today !
view all 309 comments
harryfan1 MY BUUUUB
ynfan1 what is he doing in london??? the spinnin tour starts today
harryfan2 HARRY GET YOUR ASS TO ARIZONA RN
ynfan2 he’s not attending opening night :(
harryfan3 what is he mad about lol
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yourinstagram 7th night of the spinnin tour done ! houston thank you so much for your love and your loud singing, i’m making the best memories of my life on this tour thanks to you 🤎
view all 78,203 comments
ynfan1 TOUR OF THE CENTURY
conangray this tour changed my life fr
↳ ynfan2 BEST OPENING ACT EVER
harryfan1 okay but WHEN is harry doing his spinnin tour debut
↳ ynfan1 i wonder the same thing 🤔
arianagrande 🖤
charles_leclerc I can’t wait to see the show 🙌🏻
↳ charlesfan1 CHARLES ???
↳ charlesfan2 he’s a pop girlie wbk
harryfan2 get your ass to the next show NOW
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liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 109,035 others
people It’s over 💔#YN and #HarryStyles are calling it quits after six years of dating. Tap the link in our bio for the full story.
view all 25,364 comments
harryfan1 WHAT?????
ynfan1 NO WAY
harryfan2 nah i don’t believe this
ynfan2 but what about lover??? delicate ??? pov??? so american ??? golden hour ?? paper rings ?? WERE ALL THOSE SONGS NOT REAL
harryfan3 man im so confused right now, how did this happen
ynfan2 lord she must be heartbroken and she has to continue with the tour performing for 70k people every night
harryfan4 this is clearly fake
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profesionalfangirlie UM HELLO I JUST MET CHARLES LECLERC AT YN’S SHOW !!???? istg i just wanted a refill for my lavender haze margarita and he was there in line too WTF ?? #thespinnintour
view all 2,927 comments
charlesfan1 NO WAY 😭😭😭
ynfan1 THIS IS SUCH A SLAY
ynfan2 yn is a celebrity to celebrities
charlesfan2 HES SUCH A FANBOY
charlesfan3 i need to see him trading friendship bracelets
charlesfan4 HOTTEST MAN ALIVE
ynfan3 he’s about to experience the best show of his life
charlesfan5 THE CONTENT WE DESERVE
ynfan3 WAS HE AT THE VIP TENT??
↳ profesionalfangirlie i think he’s up there in a suite of the stadium with family and friends
↳ charlesfan1 OHHHH
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charlesupdates “I wanted to give YN a friendship bracelet with my number on it, since I knew her shows were all about friendship bracelets. She didn’t want to meet me after the show so I took it personal. Other than that the show was completely out of this world, she’s amazing.” -Charles on attending the Spinnin Tour for Fedez podcast !
view all 828 comments
charlesfan1 OMG???
charlesfan2 THIS MAN ISTH
ynfan1 girl wtf why didn’t you want to mee him ? @yourinstagram
↳ ynfan2 i bet it was a timing thing and not her actively not wanting to meet him 🥹
charlesfan3 is he shooting his shot ???? publicly
charlesfan4 NOT CHARLES BEGGING FOR A CHANCE
ynfan3 this would be such a powerful ship… ferrari’s golden boy and the pop princess.. do you see the vision…
↳ charlesfan1 I SO DO
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INSTAGRAM DMS
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liked by charles_leclerc, jacobelordi and 6,398,002 others
yourinstagram last night of the spinnin tour in the us 🥹🥹 you can tell by my fave here that i’m going to miss these crowds every single day. THANK YOU for coming to the shows, singing every lyric and making friendship bracelets, all the memories we made together will stay with me forever 💘 LATIN AMERICA YOU’RE NEXT 🇲🇽🇦🇷🇧🇷
view all 69,026 comments
ynfan1 IM SOBBINGGGGGG
ynfan2 IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT SHOWS
arianagrande easily the best show anyone has ever put on, love you sister 🤎
theweeknd The GOAT 🐐
ynfan3 she finished her stadium tour after getting out of a 6 year long relation and being completely heartbroken. she loves her art more than anything
↳ ynfan1 she can do it with a broken heart because she’s THAT good
charles_leclerc Congratulations, excited for what’s coming next 🙌🏻
↳ charlesfan1 CHARLIE ???
↳ charlesfan2 WHATS GOING ON 😭
ynfan4 harry styles you have nothing on her
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ynupdates YN AND CHARLES LECLERC OUT AND ABOUT TONIGHT !!!
view all 1,028 comments
ynfan1 HUHHHH???
ynfan2 GOOD GOD
charlesfan1 IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ynfan3 wow and some people clowned him when he said he wanted to give yn a bracelet with his number
harryfan1 she’s dating someone already ??? wow
↳ ynfan1 she has all the right do it especially after realizing that she wasted 6 years of her life with someone who never made any sacrifice for her
↳ charlesfan1 ntm that charles has done more in what a week??? (commenting on her posts, holding hands in public, not making her run from the paps) than harry did in 6 years
↳ harryfan2 i will always mourn ynrry
ynfan3 IM SOOO HERE FOR YNS WAG ERA
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liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 9,302,933 others
yourinstagram my first race 🏁 i had the best time with the best people🤍
view all 99,027 comments
ynfan1 OMFGGGGG
charlesfan1 the jacket ????? the bracelet ????? the last pic ????? INSANIYY
dualipa ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
ynfan2 THIS IS SO SERIOUS ALSJAKA
harryfan1 she never posted harry in their 6 years together but she posts dumps about her rebound 😭
↳ ynfan1 as if harry wasn’t an ass who never wanted their relationship to be publicly acknowledged, bffr
ynfan2 IM SO HAPPY FOR HER
charlesfan2 i lowkey love this, charles is proof that persistence is key
charles_leclerc ❤️❤️❤️❤️
↳ charlesfan1 AHHHHHH
↳ charlesfan3 I CANT DO THIS
ynfan3 idk if they’re dating but it’s so good to see her proudly attending events and posting about them and not hiding to please the person she’s with
leclerc_pascale Belle 🤍
↳ charlesfan1 MAAAANNNN ITS SERIOUS
lilyhme queenie ⭐️
↳ ynfan1 told ya she was going to befriend all the wags 😭
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liked by scuderiaferrari, yourinstagram and 2,038,766 others
charles_leclerc Perfect race ❤️
view all 44,827 comments
charlesfan1 LOML
ynfan1 perfect bc yn was there so true
arthur_leclerc 🙌🏻
charlesfan2 checo in the back is killing me
ynfan2 HARD LAUNCH YN ON INSTA NOW !!!
leclerc_pascale ❤️
harryfan1 you’ll never be harry
charlesfan3 i need yn on every race now
yourinstagram 😍😍😍❤️‍🔥
↳ ynfan1 HEEEEELP
↳ ynfan2 CONTROL YOURSELF
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liked by charlesfan1, ynfan1 and 9,643 others
charlesupdates Charles and YN in Argentina today !! YN has a show there tomorrow, we love a supportive boyfriend 🥺
view all 997 comments
charlesfan1 OMFGGGG
charlesfan2 WE STAN THIS
ynfan1 maannn this is what she deserves, someone who's willing to travel across the globe to support her
↳ ynfan2 i can't believe harry just went to ONE show of the positions tour and we used to think that was the most romantic thing ever
charlesfan3 I KNEWWWW he would be at every show once her tour started again
ynfan3 I CANT WAIT FOR ALL THE CONTENT
charlesfan4 we need a charles cam at the spinnin tour crowd
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liked by ynfan1, charlesfan1 and 14,382 others
ynupdates YN JUST CHANGED THE KARMA BRIDGE TO "KARMA IS THE GUY ON THE PITS COMING STRAIGHT HOME TO ME"
view all 1,005 comments
ynfan1 WTFFFF
ynfan2 SHES INSANE 😭
charlesfan1 LORD PLEASE HELP ME
ynfan3 she's so silly. she's also deranged
charlesfan2 what a time to be alive
charlesfan3 MAN I CANT STOP WATCHING THE VIDEO OF CHARLES REACTION
ynfan4 FRUIT BOY YOURE SO OVERRRRR
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liked by carlossainz55, yourinstagram and 4,973,229 others
charles_leclerc The Spinnin Tour🤍
view all 66,044 comments
charlesfan1 GOING INSANE
ynfan1 OMG BABYYYYY
leclerc_pascale 💕❤️
ynfan2 FINALLY SOMEONE WHO POSTS ABOUT HER !! AND ATTENDS HER SHOWS !! AND IS SUPPORTIVE !!
charlesfan2 this boy is down BAD
carlossainz55 🙌🏻
ynfan3 i cant believe some people still want her old relationship when we have THIS
charlesfan3 charlie's popstar boyfriend era
yourinstagram thank you for being here 🥺
↳ ynfan1 SHE DESERVES THIS AND MORE
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thepopbuzz YN and Charles Leclerc spotted on a yatch in the Bahamas, the couple seems to be enjoying their days off before they have to go back to touring and racing respectively. Tap the link in our bio for more details 👌
view all 6,022 comments
charlesfan1 AHHHHHHHHH
ynfan1 i love one fairytale couple
harryfan1 trying to rewrite history i see
ynfan2 WE STAN
charlesfan2 that should be me
ynfan3 finally a boyfriend who likes pda
charlesfan3 I LOVE THEM SO BAD
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liked by yourinstagram, arthur_leclerc and 4,027,119 others
charles_leclerc I wanted to take pictures of my girl but she beat me to it
A much needed break
view all 58,266 comments
charlesfan1 STOP THIS
ynfan1 IM SPIRALING
carlossainz55 Enjoy mates 🙌🏻
lilyhme cuties 💓
charlesfan2 THE BOYFRIEND CONTENT I SIGNED UP FOR
ynfan2 HIS 🥹 GIRL 🥹
yourinstagram lover booooy ❤️
↳ ynfan3 AHHHH MY HEART
charlesfan3 we love simp charlieeee
ynfan4 i can’t stress how happy this makes me. from running to get in a van to this
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yourinstagram SURPRISE !! my new album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT is coming soon 🤍
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND POETRY
view all 102,826 comments
ynfan1 KAHAIAJAYAABAJAI
ynfan2 WHAT ON EARTH
oliviarodrigo NO WAY ‼️‼️‼️
conangray thank you mother for constantly serving
ynfan3 THE COVER ??? THE NAME ?? THAT LYRIC ??? we’re not ready
charlesfan1 oooohhhh this is exciting
ynfan4 and fruit boy better HIDE
dualipa 🖤🖤🖤🖤
postmalone 🙌🏻
charles_leclerc So proud of you ❤️
↳ charlesfan2 AWEEEEEEES
↳ charlesfan3 i know they just started dating but i hope we get songs about him
2K notes · View notes
felibrary · 6 months
Text
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wish you were sober
synopsis: in which you drunkenly confess to aventurine and he doesn’t believe you, rather believing that he’s not worthy, less even deserving of your love. despite that, his insecurity, you're under the belief that aventurine deserves all the love in the world. love - something that you want to introduce to him and show him “what it means to love you.”
pairing: aventurine x reader | wordcount: 2.3k (i’ve gone insane) | content & warnings: hurt/comfort, alcohol; they're both drunk, insecure aventurine, unestablished relationship, they label themself as friends but reader barely knows anything abt him LMFAO, dual pov, DO YALL GET THE REFERENCE IN THE SYNOPSIS LMFAO??, rushed ending icl, half assed-ly proofread; oneshot
a/n: yesterday i listened to wish you were sober by conan gray and was like “damn.. this’d fit sunday” but then i asked azul what he thinks cause i couldn’t decide between su**day and <aventurine3. and they replied with that it’d be so much more angsty with aventurine (okay not quote on quote but you get the msg) and i dislike su**ay anyway!! so boom! (y’all are still getting another sunday fic..yay..ig.....)
tags: beloved @azullumi <3 and @cherieiu (stop punching me)
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“i love you.” 
your confession doesn't come over as surprising for aventurine, he anticipated it. just like how the ebb awaits the flood, yearning for it but disappearing as soon as it arrives. missing out on each other for just a split second, as the other party sweeps and slips away from the grasp of the other. nevertheless aventurine is glued to his seat on the rich sofa. 
colorful poker chips are splattered around the rich mahogany floor tiles, bottles of vodka and wine, some already with their cork removed and empty, others who haven't even been opened yet. a chandelier adorning the ceiling of the big room, its lightbulbs glowing dimly in the caliginous room, illuminating it.
one of the lamps flickers while the others continue to shine brightly - too brightly aventurine thinks, if he were to watch them any longer he’d feel like melting. the closer he got to you the sun, the deeper he'd fall into the bottomless pit he managed to crawl out of.
the room reeks of alcohol. is the temperature rising? he feels like every time the last number on the digital clock changes the warmer it gets. his blond bangs stick to his forehead and beads of sweat are running down his flushed cheeks - that answers his question.
it’s hot - humid even. he's not sure if he's able to bear the heat in this narrow atmosphere any longer. he tries to blow the sweat away by waving at his face with his hand, trying to cool off his face - a futile attempt. god, what's this a/c even good for, if it can't do it's damn job.
he opens his mouth with the intent of wanting to say that you're lying, that you shouldn't say stuff like that when you're drunk and that you'll regret later. but he doesn't, he refrains from doing so. instead he gulps down the words immediately, letter for letter. they're a bitter pillow to swallow. flowing down his throat like the wavering water running down a stream - intoxicating, similar to the alcoholic liquid you've downed.
the blond looks at you through half lidded eyes. you lift yourself off the ground, he takes notice that you have a hard time doing so, legs slightly trembling as you remove them from the floor tiles. (you've always been a lightweight he thinks)
as you make your way over to him, standing up and wanting to sit yourself next to him on the large black leather sofa. you clumsily bump against one of the almost empty shot glasses that still lies on the floor. tripping over the small glass as your foot comes in contact with it. the glass that still contained some of the red wine you've poured in, not too long ago, tumbles as easily as a domino tile, falling upon the smallest touch. making the flimsy piece immediately meet the ground.
it breaks into a few sharp shards and the remaining alcohol starts seeping out of it, staining your once white socks with crimson colored alcohol. “ah m’sorry!” you mumble as you quickly bend down to gingerly pick up the fragments, placing them in the palm of your hand carefully, so that they won't cut you and leave slits.
aventurine takes another peek at you as you tidy up. your face is flushed, your cheeks tinted in a bright red and you let out incoherent sorrys, blabbering incomplete phrases. he wants to tell you that it's alright. that he feels the same and reciprocates yours feelings, that you don't have to apologize and he'll help you.
but he freezes.
the words that he wants to tell you, the ones he's been longing to say don't leave his mouth. neither does he move. instead he coughs, continuing to watch you while you clean up. a tissue has found its way into your right hand, helping you soak up the alcohol. (its his hand that should be intertwined with yours, not the tissue)
his throat hurts. 
(he's not in the right mindspace to acknowledge if it's because of you - the unsaid words that he didn't reveal to you yet or because of the alcohol.) 
it's dry and lacks any kind of refreshing liquid that'd quench the drought that occurs in his throat. he contemplates, thinking about the choices he has. swallowing down his own spit isn't worth it, it makes his throat burn even more.
he comes to the decision to pour himself another glass of alcohol. (debatably his worst decision until now.)
twirling the almost translucent liquid in his glass, before fully gulping it down in one go. a bit of the alcohol escapes the depths of his mouth, running down his chin and messily staining his porcelain-like skin. 
he doesn't like the bitter taste, he can't seem to befriend himself with it. (neither can he befriend him with himself) although it's not the worst, he's just not able to find a reason to like it. after all, after a single sip it starts to sting as it enters his mouth.
the scent isn't great either, it smells strong, too strong for his liking, a scent that reeks of cleaning detergent and not to mention, it prickles on his tongue and burns as it slides down his throat when it makes its way into his blood. but there's one thing aventurine can't deny: it's efficiency.
it fulfills its purpose well making him lightheaded and dizzy, to the point of forgetting everything.
all sounds are drowned out. even the lame pop songs playlist you turned on because you insisted that “it'll set the right mood” is barely audible for him now. his ears hurt hellish, he wants to put his hands over his ears to escape the white noise. the sound that plays in his ears is similar to the one of when an airplane starts boarding - an unpleasant noise.
the only sound that remains for aventurine’s slightly drunk state is your voice. it echoes through his ears. your drunk confession playing over and over in his mind like a broken record, anticipating the day it'll be fixed, so the misery it is in ceases. 
his sloppy and sluggish movements - the way his hands tremble as he pours himself another glass, the nervousness that forms inside his body and the blush that spreads as quickly as a wildfire on his cheeks - they're tormenting him, and he blames none other than the alcohol for it. 
“a drunk mind speaks a sober heart, drunk words are sober thoughts, when you're drunk you reveal your true desires” his ass. the both of you are just friends. friends that are acquainted through work, nothing more, nothing less. aventurine couldn't bear to lose his only friend, after all he's already lost everything.
(anything he'd never want to lose will eventually be lost. it is as if fate had decided that everything that is worth wanting, everything that he wants to have and keep, will be lost the moment he gets his fingers on it. to aventurine there’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life that is full of anguish.)
his father whom he never got to meet, his mother and sister whom he was forced to leave behind and kakavasha, his younger self. all will be lost - everything was lost. if he wasn't careful now, one slip up on the thin ice or feet accidentally trampling over the floor full of eggshells, he'd not only lose himself in the process, but you too. his one and only friend.
crossing this line he set for himself, as he drew it along the earthy ground with his calloused fingers, trembling as they traced over the mud.
walking past the border that was created to keep everything and everyone distant from him, as he stood on the other side turning his back from the world, walking away and waving, to bid his goodbye from them.
the wall he built around him to shield him from the world, protecting everyone from the ugly thing that was kept inside , protecting himself from the people that only want to torment him.
forgetting all of these things, leaving them behind for you would mean showing you who he really was. a frail human being that hides himself behind a mask. the theater curtains revealing the person who played the role of the man who had called himself aventurine for the past years. placing him in the spotlight and giving the audience a show they'll never forget, like the fool he is. 
aventurine doesn't think that he is loveable, that he's undeserving of love - your love.
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you think that aventurine deserves all the love in the world. providing him with said love, embracing him and showing him how pure love can be. 
the blond caught your eye right away. he was charming, funny and handsome. aventurine turned into your little work crush, your motivation to convince yourself just to see him.
the road was rocky and full of obstacles, set up by none other than aventurine. it gave you a better perception of who he really was and it intrigued you even more. why does he hide himself away from the world? why does he convince himself to not get anyone close to him even though he longs for the touch of another person? who is aventurine, really?
you can't answer any of these questions and neither are you certain if aventurine really can but that doesn't stop you. you continue to climb up all the way to know who he is, who the person you fell in love with really is. 
love, is weird isn't it? it comes in all different shapes and forms.
if someone were to ask you why you like him, you wouldn't know how to answer, because neither do you know.
but nevertheless you still like him. why? how come you like someone that you don't even know, someone that is foreign to you, almost like a stranger. even though the both of you label yourself as “friends.”
you're not sure what the color is that infuses his irises, he keeps them hidden beneath his glasses. despite that, you long to stare into his eyes and let all the plain and dull parts of your life get painted in the same colors of his hues. a color that brings you comfort and cures your sorrow. it's the hues that you want to stare at as you tuck a golden strand of hair behind his ear, in return he grants you a small but genuine smile.
a smile that you want to see more often, one that you want to keep for yourself. 
as for his scent, every person has their own unique and special scent. you plead to the gods above that he’ll let you bury your head into the crook of his neck and absorb his smell so it becomes the only scent that lingers around your nose. 
there are so many more things that you want to know about him but you're unaware of. one might say that you're odd for liking - no, loving someone that you barely know.
a stranger, a foreign person whom you know little about to almost nothing about, is the person that you love. absurd isn't it? but love is weird, love can be pure and ridiculous, but it can also be painful and heart wrenching. love is a feeling that not only brings joy to oneself but also causes pain. but it's a feeling that you never want to get rid of - not until you introduced aventurine to it. showing him what love has to offer and has in store.
in the iridescent light aventurine remains to look as ethereal as ever. a scent of vodka lingers around aventurines figure, the smell is strong, but you couldn't care less. his hair is disheveled but nevertheless continues to shine in the dazzling light. he lets out a tiring yawn and you couldn't imagine aventurine any more beautiful than in this moment.
vulnerable and for your eyes only. making it unable for you to tear your gaze away from the sight before you. 
he's like a shooting star, if you don't continue to watch and follow it and blink, even if it's just for a single moment - it's all over and you'll never see it again. 
“stop looking at me like that.” aventurine mumbles quietly, almost whispering. upon hearing that, you make your way over to him, glass shards long forgotten as you place them on the small coffee table in front of the sofa.
your arms reach out to aventurine, clutching your hands on his shoulders. your grip is sluggish but you don't falter and continue to hold him. “like what?” your lips are slightly parted and your gaze is drowsy as you counter aventurine's question with a question of your own.
“like that.” he placed the hand that just rested on his thigh, on your cheek, slightly caressing it. “you're just gonna hurt the both of us if you keep this up any longer.” he's not sure where the boldness came from, he blames it on the alcohol once again; it finally seemed to kick in.  
“‘m not lying” you hiccup. tomorrow i’ll tell you how much i love you, no matter if it's once” a cough exits your throat “or a hundred times.” the words that leave your mouth are slurred, they're incoherent and muddled up. your grip on his shoulder weakens, hands slipping off and head falling against his chest.
..did you seriously just black out?
aventurine can only sigh at that. a small smile finds its way onto his face. he snakes his arms around you waist, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck and hugging you with the remaining power he had left before falling asleep. guess there'll be a lot to unpack tomorrow but for now he allows himself to indulge in this shared moment between the two of you. 
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e/n: hope yall enjoyed this as much as i hated writing this!! (i wanted to throw up) i acc hate how i wrote this. it's not as choppy as when i started writing it but it still feels so rushed and so idk.. anyway reblogs with comments are very much appreciated! >< ALSO that one paragraph written in brackets..guess whose speech it was inspired byyyyy (hint: bsd!!)
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