#so the cow lives IN the mansion

[laski-and-sage]

Pip: Did you ever see a shampooed cow!

Alucard: Whut?!

Pip: Did you EVER see a SHAMPOOED cow! Blow dried!

Alucard: N-No...?

Pip, sobbing: I want a fluffy cow...

[ozzgin]

Sorry to bother you, but the bodyguard post you did was just 🤤🥰😍 and I can't stop thinking about it day later

Have you ever seen Oshi no Ko? I'd love to see Bodyguard react to someone trying to do something similar as what happened to Ai.

Fans get wind their beloved idol might have feeling for her staff, so a crazed fan tracks down her private address. He plans to get revenge for "His idol cheating on him" but doesn't know there is a guard dog inside ready to bite any threat to his precious charge.

Sorry to keep ragging on about the topic, I just adore you work enough that it lives in my head rent free.

Happy holidays

-🌟

I sadly haven't seen Oshi no Ko, but your description sounds very interesting. Thank you for the idea! I've combined it with your previous suggestion, I think they work together really well. Happy Holidays to you, too! :)

Yandere!Bodyguard x Idol!Reader (II)

Your new manager has sent you home for the holidays after persistent rumors surrounding you and your bodyguard. And, as luck would have it, the fan responsible for the accusations successfully sneaks his way in. Sadly for him, you’ve never left the watchful gaze of your loyal, mean dog.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

TW: violence, threats, mentions of stalking

(Cover from the manga “A girl and her guard dog”)

"Enjoy your holidays!" 

The driver cheerfully bids you goodbye and speeds away, leaving you behind the imposing gate. You drag your luggage inside and nonchalantly toss it with an annoyed huff.

What now? You're all alone in a hollow mansion. 

Early December you begun receiving worrying letters from a fan, making wild claims about you and your bodyguard. Naturally, you laughed it off. Your bodyguard found them equally amusing. So much, that he'd ask you to read them out loud as you rode him. "I w-won't stand for it. You know we ha-ave something special going on, (Y/N)-chan." You barely managed to form coherent sentences, feverishly clinging to the large man underneath you. "You heard the guy. Better be on your best behavior", he'd add with a chuckle, wiping the drool from your mouth. 

The new manager, however, wasn't as relaxed about it. He couldn't risk tarnishing the reputation of his beloved cash cow, so he suggested you take a break from personal assistants until the rumors tone down. If you remained within your expensively secured house, you wouldn't need any guarding. So, he caringly prescribed a dose of homely isolation for the upcoming holidays. 

"Don't be so dramatic", he said, "Jesus spent 40 days in the desert by himself. And he didn't have your indoor cinema or jacuzzi bathtub."

"Yeah, but he had the Devil to tempt him. Where's my bad guy?" You whined as a retort. 

You let out another groan and throw yourself on the couch, fiddling with the remote. Kind of them to decorate everything for Christmas, you think as you eye the gigantic kitsch of a tree slapped in the middle of the living room. 

Fuck. What an absolute waste of time. All because of one crazy fan. You almost wish he'd show his stupid face so your bodyguard could pummel it to bits and crumbles. You wonder what he's doing by himself. Is he going to be assigned to another idol? Probably not, two weeks is too short of a time for anything. You check your phone.

Suddenly, the screen lights up. A text notification. 

"Bored?"

Heh. It's almost as if he can read your mind. You smile to yourself and type your response, stretching onto the sofa. Your little back and forth messaging goes on until you look up and notice the room has gotten darker. Already evening. You can hear your stomach growl, so you get up and drag your feet towards the kitchen, searching for takeaway fliers. If you're going to be under house arrest, the least you can afford is junk food. 

Once you place your decadent order, you hop onto the counter and idly dangle your legs in anticipation. Your favorite off-duty guard dog has abruptly told you he needs to go and is now offline. "Something came up". What could possibly require his immediate attention? A mistress? You giggle at the idea. In all your time spent together, you haven't seen him glance at a single woman. If he must, he will engage with other people using one-word replies, visibly uninterested. You never considered him much of a talker, but his behavior with anyone else, in comparison, is downright hostile. 

There's a rustling sound and you jolt. Was the food delivered already? It hasn't been that long. You jump off the marble countertop and freeze in place once you see the man standing in the doorway. His face is concealed with a medical mask and he's audibly panting, the hot air fogging up his glasses. You notice the knife in his hand.

"How rude of you to cheat on me so shamelessly, (Y/N) dear."

Huh? Your eyes widen in realization. Was this the crazed fan bombarding you with threatening letters? Your features twist in utter disgust, still transfixed on the weapon within his grip. 

This little shit. Not only does he break into your home, but he decides to intimidate you with a department store kitchen utensil. Is that all you're worth? Is that any way to greet one of the top idols in this country?

You angrily pull the nearby drawer open and grab a long, sharp blade. The man tenses up and steps forward, but you stop him in his tracks, throwing the item at his feet. He stares at you, bewildered. 

"It's a Yoshihiro Sashimi knife. More than your monthly income, most likely." You state as you leer down at him, grimace plastered on your face. "Pick it up like the animal you are."

He cannot move. Is this his beloved (Y/N)? Her pretty, innocent smile and sparkling eyes have been replaced by this hateful scowl. He feels like a cockroach about to be stepped on, a mere vermin invading her personal space. This can't be right. It's him that should be upset, he's the betrayed party. When has she gotten so...Ah. This must be the work of that bodyguard. He's always known. The way he looks at her, with a predatory glint as if marking his territory. He should've noticed earlier. Poor, sweet (Y/N), at the hands of a brute. Tears form in his eyes and he opens his mouth to speak up, but a burning blow assaults his back and everything goes black. 

Your bodyguard casually walks in and lifts the intruder up by the nape of his neck. 

"Are you okay? Did he touch you?"

You blush and wipe your eyelashes dramatically, releasing a gentle sob from your puckered lips.

"Touch? He almost killed me! I was so scared...I thought I was done for."

He frowns at your words.

"I'll take care of it."

You can feel the familiar knot forming in your stomach. As he drags the body out of the kitchen, you follow behind enthusiastically. 

"Do it in the living room!" You almost squeal.

"Are you sure? It will get messy. I'm not letting this one walk out." He warns you with a worried expression. 

"Yes, yes!" you nod, all bubbly. "Right here, next to the Christmas tree."

Once the gory spectacle is over, the bodyguard sprawls onto the sofa, exhausted. He exhales loudly and runs a hand through his hair. You are about to join him, when a thought crosses your mind. 

"Now that I think about it, how did you know I was about to be attacked? That was some really extraordinary timing."

Out of reflex, he palms his pocket to check if his phone is still within his possession. Thankfully he hasn't left it in plain sight. You squint suspiciously. 

"Are you spying on me or something?"

He remains quiet for a few moments and eventually lowers his head apologetically, avoiding eye contact.

"Forgive me, Miss."

When he glances up again, your small figure is looming over him.

"Wow, what a pervert you are." You push his chin up with your dainty fingers. "How will you make it up to me for such nasty habit~?"

"Is there anything you want me to do?"

"Good boy."

[privitivium]

a rich touchy guy who looks like a nerd cuz of glasses but is otherwise perceived as an "idiot jock"

yanderem x mreader, nsfw

he knew all about your weird fascination with relatively big guys... i mean, you leave your fucking tabs open for anyone to see!! well, in the comfort of your own room, living alone.. but still! like, what are some of these titles? surfing on your computer while you're gone - leaving your door unlocked ( he has a key. ) big busty male gets milked like the cow he is. what are you even... what... you were just a relatively goofy guy, but... What are these videos of you putting your dick in orbeez with your friends laughing in the background.??*?... copying it and sending it to himself just to jerk off to the image of your dick.... needy ass.

doesnt even have it in him to hold it together, oftentimes bursting out in soft laughter behind his hand everytime he looks at you merely doing your work, studying... this fucking guy... takes advatange of the fact that he's a stocky guy with big soft pecs as you seemed to prefer.. playing dumb as he touches on you mindlessly while laughing at a particularly stupid joke you told him - trying to impress.. fleeting touches that his dick gets wet from. ahem hrm. anyway. totally kidnaps you against your will after seducing you with his chest. knocking you out, rudely, stuffing you in his car and trying to make sure you're laying comfortably. tying you to a velvety "renaissance" throne chair he got at an auction afrer bringing you home, in an empty room in one of the lower levels of his fancy ass mansion,,, wrists tied to the fancy wooden arms, legs spread and tied to the legs of the chair.. staring lecherously at your groin and your pretty sleeping face as he patiently awaits your awakening..

immediately makes fun of you when you do wake up. "did you think.. that i didn't know how to use these?" he questions incredulously, tilting his head at you - your pitiful, squirming figure - trying oh so hard to be free!!! squeezing his pecs together with his biceps, wide innocent eyes leering behind glasses,,. "i got you soo good, huh?" he remarks smugly, arms loosening from squeezing his tits together. snickering, as he lazily saunters around your frame, of course; tied to a chair. comfortable and cushioned, no less... pulls out a remote, clicks a few buttons before a television began ascending from the floor in front of you,,, then fucking pulls up the fucking pornography you fancied yourself watching. big dudes, soft tummies getting fucking wrecked. standing, leaning his elbow nonchalantly on your chair with a dick straining against his pants while he stares down at you, while you stare in horror while hard yourself at the television displaying naked bodies. sadistic kinda guy, wants to embarrass you, but also wants to be embarrassed ,,, what a cruel guy. leaving you bound, drooling and tearful as you you stare up at him bouncing on your dick and ever so slightly grinding into you - tugging at your restraints just to feel the plush flesh of his assㅡso cruelly leaving his shirt on just so you couldn't see his tits bounce,,, ugh

[paper-mario-wiki]

Do you do farm stuff Scout? Or would you like to? Like owning chickens or tending an outdoor garden, that sort of thing?

From ages 7 to 19 I lived on farms, and was made to be an active participant in maintenance and usages of the facilities I don't know why the fuck I'm typing it like this, but I grew up on a farm. I was kinda in charge of everything, but slacked a lot and my brother had to cover for me. That said, I still spent a LOT of time doing chores.

At one point or another I've been responsible for most every farm chore you can really think of. All the basics like raking leaves, milking goats, collecting eggs, feeding chickens- but also the big stuff like moving tons of hay, herding flocks, caring for large animals such as llamas, alpacas, horses, and cows, as well as delivering babies, gutting and plucking fowl (only chickens and turkeys, though I've also cared for ducks and geese), dehoring, hoof cleaning, corpse transportation, crop maintenance, winter ice removal by breaking up frozen water troughs in 10 below weather (thought this was usually circumvented by anticipating the cold and setting up water heaters beforehand), constructing enclosures, slaughtering pigs, and etc etc etc etc etc all that shit. Bunnies snakes mini horses donkeys. All that shit. Farm stuff. Ya know.

Moved away when I went to college and immediately plunged into a mixed-zoning district in the Fushimi district in Kyoto. This was a really good transition from rural living to city living, because mixed zoning districts have blocks dedicated to apartment complexes and family homes right next to blocks of rice fields and ponds, which was behind the 7-Eleven I bought most of my food from.

Now I live in a SHITTY mixed zoning area in SHITTY America where we never stop hearing cars because there's a massive parking lot nearby and constant police sirens, not because the area is particularly dangerous, but because there's like 2 police stations nearby.

My ideal housing goal, which also happens to be my current goal in life, is to reach a slightly more rural version of the Kyoto living situation. The goals are very distinct:

0. I'm editing this one in after the fact to note that while I've used Kyoto as an example a few times in this post, I'm just looking for an area that feels right and would happily live in any prefecture that fits my needs.

I want to not be tied directly to a visa which would draw me away from doing whatever work I really want to do, like my student visa did later on when school started getting worse as professors were struggling to learn digital classroom mechanics. The visa I'm shooting for is dependent on a few ideas I have for businesses, but that's still kind of a long shot.

I want to be in a position of relative financial freedom so that I can spend enough time genuinely living there instead of just being tied to a computer all day, limiting me to the world I already know. This one's the big one, so I'm still workin on that. That said, recently I've been taking some pretty massive steps towards making this a more tangible circumstance. Fingers crossed.

I want to have a home that I own instead of renting, and I'd like to work with a Japanese architect to actually construct it. Again, these are big big plans, but I think a life goal is a thing worth thinking big about. And it's not like I'm trying to build a mansion, or even a family-sized house, I think I'd be content with three bedrooms, a kitchen, and common room. Of course, in keeping with the "dream big" spirit, in a world where I've got enough money to have a nicer, slightly bigger home, I can imagine as many as 5 bedrooms. It's nice to imagine in this "perfect" outcome that I've got a reason to have enough space for guests to sleep over. A local community, or an otherwise tangible, real-world web of relationships would be nice. Like, Real Adult Socializing Shit.

I want to have a significant emphasis on self-reliance on this home. As far solarpunk as I can reasonably go, without biting off more than I can chew as someone who's kinda limp-wristed. In a gay way and a feeble way. I figure this will come down to solar panels, water filtration, a well, and a garden (or at least the space to have gardening stuff like pots and soil). Some chickens would be nice too, but I don't know that I'd ever take on livestock proper.

I want to be properly submerged in trees without being more than a 5 minute bike ride from a train station. Somwhere like Yase-Hieizanguchi Station in north Kyoto is a good example of station that's on the edge of a metropolitan area and the forest. There was an apartment there I almost got, but backed out when covid hit cuz I decided moving across town would be a whack decision.

This is a BONUS goal, but I think it'd also be nice to not compromise on a single location, and instead have a home out in the inaka, while also having a small apartment rented in the city I can go between whenever I need to. In a world where I can afford a plot of land out in the country, but would still need to travel into town for business, that would be nice. Though in that scenario I'd likely need to also take on the arduous task of getting a Japanese drivers license. If I know far enough in advance that I want to take this specific route then I could bypass that last one by getting an international license before moving to Japan, but after moving to Japan you're barred from getting an international license.

I couldn't tell you in honesty that I'm a Salt of the Earth, Red Blooded American Farmer in my heart, and in fact I could not WAIT to move away from the farm. I hated that I didn't have a say in living on a farm, and was made to take care of animals. But what I DID enjoy about that life was the stillness. The opportunities of perfect silence. The stars unobstructed by light pollution. The ability to explore. Those things I was incredibly grateful for. And as such, in my perfect world, I would like to live on something like a farm again one day, just on my own terms.

[m1ssunderstanding]

You know if even Francie is saying it I'm starting to think old Jim Mac may have been slightly abusive, I don't think that's the right word since what happened it was a different time and place etc. But with the way he treated Paul and Mike, especially after Mary's passing and how he expected so much more when his son was one of the most famous musicians in the world, it's just - his whole family to he fair it's like they never really saw him as human and more akin to a musical monkey

Yeah I would actually call it abuse. I think Jim probably had mostly good intentions and genuinely loved his sons, but that doesn't mean his treatment of them was just or didn't have any affect on them. By my definitions, there's emotional as well as physical abuse going on (Paul was expected and pressured from the time they started to realize how intelligent he was to grow up and save his entire family from poverty; Appearances were everything and emotional needs suppressed; There was no financial security; After Mary's death, Paul was extremely patentified, depended on emotionally and materially by the person who was simultaneously physically abusing him)

About the normalization of the physical abuse specifically for a minute, if it was so normal for the time, why is Paul the only one of the four Beatles to have experienced it? My family has always been working class, and my grandparents who are Paul's age were not subjected to the violence that Paul was. Not saying it wasn't more common then and more accepted, but it's also not something you can just pass off as "that's what everyone did in those days".

Also, I wouldn't be surprised at all if even in that one interview where Paul specifically talked about how he got Jim to stop hitting him, he was downplaying. That's what Paul does. We have no way of knowing. But it does fit with Paul's usual story-telling and framing of events that maybe it was more than what he said.

And yeah, the financial abuse started early and clearly continued far into adulthood, maybe up until Jim's death when Paul cut Angie and Ruth off for selling his birth certificate. Paul was trained as a door-to-door salesman for Jim's club as a nine year old in the literal projects. He figured out how to snatch other people's lunch tickets out of the fire at the inny and pass them off as unused. What are we going to do without her money? He first saw John when he was a paper boy and John was buying chips. As soon as the band started making money, he became the head provider of his family (Jim made 10 pounds a week at the cotton brokers while Paul made 15 a week in Hamburg) and when the band wasn't making money, he found whatever work he could to make up for it. Meanwhile, we have no reason to believe Jim wasn't gambling insatiably. As the child of an addict, I know addictions don't just go away and then resurface when they're affordable again, and Jim was certainly an addict. He gambled so much Paul had to buy his house back for him (that he'd bought for him in the first place while Paul himself was living in an attic room like some kind of starving artist at the same time as the rest of the band was buying their mansions).

Paul clearly loved his dad so much and craved Jim's approval, trying to find a girl Jim would approve of after Jane, trying to be a good family man, trying to stay close to his working class roots. You can even see it in his music, from When I'm 64 to A Walk in the Park with Eloise. (I think the 1920s & 30s influence in much of his music came from him genuinely loving it and also from a desire for his dad to appreciate his talent). But he also had no patience for Jim's frailty toward the end, didn't go to the funeral, and didn't write about Jim's death in MYFN.

I really don't know too much about the extended family, anon, but it does seem the case that part of Paul's role in it, from the beginning, was to be a savior and a cash cow, and no one considered his humanity.

[ystrike1]

Bitten by the Dog I Abandoned - By Kim da (9/10)

When a lofty Duchess cruelly abandons her lover, whip in hand, she thinks she'll never see him again. He returns a decade later, with soldiers behind him. Her dog has gone feral, and now she must protect her daughter and her fortune. Can she survive, with her reputation as a Duchess in tatters?

Evelyn Winter isn't the nicest woman in the world. She is the most beautiful. Everybody wants her in the worst way. She has lots of enemies that want her to stand around and look pretty. She has to be smart though.

Evelyn Winter is a widow. Her husband, Rowen, died after she gave birth to a daughter. So, there's no heir. After the death of her husband the region fell on hard times. Her beauty is a curse. The people look at her in disgust. She is a beacon of lust. The prince and the second prince both flirt with her, and she's seen as a heartless cow who taxes the people too much.

She also brutally beat her lover, Gillas, half to death. While he cried and begged her to tell him she was lying. He didn't want to leave her side. She whipped him until he finally let go of her leg, and then she left him in the snow.

Ok, hear me out.

Evelyn Winter was very likely in a marriage of convenience with Rowen. Upon his death (or his secret escape) she knew she would spend her life in peril, with a weakened region and no husband to rely on.

She (probably) kicked him out so he wouldn't get killed. Rumors about him being her favorite were already rampant.

Gillas IS A SERVANT. He is not secretly a king. He's not secretly magic.

Evelyn Winter is in a precarious situation, in a territory that doesn't like her much...with no husband or male heir.

Yeah...she did the deed to save her lovers life.

She is super convincing though, and very mean to her enemies.

Also, being a lover wasn't super fun for Gillas. He was the estate artist/groundskeeper. He had to hand paint her wedding portrait, which hurt him deeply. Rowen and Evelyn Winter were not enemies. They were at the very least very close friends, and she agreed to marry him to help him. Gillas probably had to watch them get along famously while she "used him for pleasure". Evelyn Winter also insists that she was deeply in love with Rowen (so people will stop proposing to her.)

So, ouch.

Evelyn Winter also has an adorable daughter named Sherry. She is Rowen's child on paper. She could be...you know...but it doesn't matter. Even Gillas believes she's a legitimate daughter. The Winter couple got along well. Gillas was just a toy, after all. He got whipped and abandoned as soon as he got too clingy.

Gillas resents Sherry, because she's living proof of the real bond the Winter couple had (or has Rowen could be in hiding)

Evelyn Winter shoots at two employees in the first chapter.

Did they deserve it?

Kinda.

Are things bad in the Winter mansion?

Oh yes.

Ten(ish maybe 7) years layer the mansion is a hell pit. All of the servants hate their gorgeous master, because the region is still poor. The two servants were literally um...role playing an r-word scene...because they hate her that much.

Evelyn Winter has to be tough as nails, or that scene won't be a play someday.

Gillas returns a war hero. He works for the second prince. He wants to ruin her life. He hates her. He hates her daughter. He wants her to cry on her knees and beg for his mercy. His. He won't be satisfied if the people burn her. It has to be him. He was willing to suffer and be her pet forever, as long as she allowed him to stay by her side...but she grew bored of him.

He went nuts.

He went to the battlefield to kill, until the prince noticed him.

He became a heroic story.

Evelyn Winter is wise to his bullshit. She knows he is an enemy absolutely, and he will never be her ally.

Also him not liking the child is a big ew.

Evelyn is absolutely right to hiss at him and prioritize protecting her daughter.

Gillas is investigating Rowen, who might not be dead....oh and Evelyn has been accused of a bunch of crimes and she may be executed.

Her toughness can't save her.

She refuses to support the second prince, because she's not a total moron. Vincent clearly chose Gillas to torment and scare her specifically. There is no way that Vincent doesn't know about his insane obsession. Gillas keeps letting her hit him, despite his new high rank. He lets her insult him too, because he knows she's getting desperate...

Vincent gave Gillas the power to torment her.

They are a formidable villain duo.

She chooses to support the first prince.

He is naive and easy to please.

He wags his tail because she's pretty...oh and he didn't hire her ex-lover to execute her.

I don't think Joshua is a reliable ally though, and that sucks.

That means her only way out is Gillas. She has to use him somehow, to save her child.

It will not be easy.

Gillas wants her to suffer and depend on him. He wants her to die without honor or pride. He's been obsessed with her for so long. He can't even see straight when she's around. He loved her so much. He looked like a different man when he was with her.

It's so toxic.

He wants to crack her open to see what's inside, even if it kills her.

[marvelobsessed134]

The basics

This is part of the Delicate Flower series

Pairings: Seb!Tommy Lee x Fem!Innocent!Reader x Lily!Pamela Anderson

Warnings: mentions of smut, mommy and daddy kinks.

Summary: Essentially headcannons about how you met them and your dynamic

You met Pamela and Tommy at a club believe it or not. Your ‘friends’ had dragged you there and you weren’t interested at all. They noticed the way you sat alone in your pink dress that reached your knees.

“Mind if we sit here?” Pamela asked. You looked up to see two of your favorite people. “Holy cow, you’re Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee! I- I’m a big fan of both of you guys.”

Tommy chuckled, “Glad to hear it.” The actress and drummer both sat down without your consent but you weren’t complaining.

“So, why are you all alone?” The blonde asked in a sympathetic tone. “Oh, well my friends who aren’t really my friends brought me here but I don’t even like this kind of stuff. I prefer to read and stay in the house with my cat.”

And did they love that response. They wanted to add a third in their relationship for awhile, wanted a girl who was quiet, shy and meek. Since Tommy is a dom and Pam is a switch, they needed someone submissive. And they found you.

That night you ended up dancing in between the two of them, hidden away from lurking eyes.

A few weeks later they convinced you to move into their Malibu mansion. Along with your cat, Lucy, of course.

All three of you sleep in the big bed together. Usually it’s you in the middle but sometimes Tommy’s in the middle.

They’re both very protective of you especially out in public. To the public eye you’re just a very close friend.

During sex you call them both mommy and daddy since you all share pretty much the same kinks.

You help clean up around the house and feed the animals (your cat and their dog, Star)

You’re basically just their live in girlfriend

But you love it and so do they.

Pamela likes to finger you a lot, she loves the feeling of your tight little pussy clenching around her fingers.

Tommy of course loves receiving head from you and loves to fuck you from behind.

He likes when you ride him while Pamela sits on his face and vice versa

He just likes to have both of his girls at once

The three of you like to have movie nights all snuggled up on the couch with blankets and snacks.

You’re just their spoiled princess

Pamela always buys you the last est fashion trends. Tommy likes to buy you lingerie and silly gag gifts

All in all, you’re happy to have found two people who love you.

[kintheartist]

The Tale of Napoleon Gerard, AKA Nips Garhunter

This post was available early to my patrons, so if you'd like to see stuff like this from me please consider joining my page!

I'm currently playing in a Curse of Strahd campaign in which every single player, independently, decided: "you know what would be amazing is if I brought a really stupid character for this horror  campaign," and that's how we ended up with a party of absolute idiots. It kind of makes things worse when stuff goes south...

Nips is just a big, sweet, dumb boy who speaks with a strong Southern Belle accent. He's very polite and friendly and just wants everyone to get along. His backstory is that he was mostly raised by his gramma, Betty--inspired by my own grandmother as a way to memorialize her.

Betty's daughter (Nips' mother) was a bit of a rebel and ended up becoming a mistress of the duke of their province, a tyrant named Duke Gerard. She fell pregnant with Nips and died in childbirth with him. The duke tried to take Nips from Betty, but she absolutely refused and visited the ducal palace every single day. Nips was such a handful and so stubborn with every nursemaid except for Betty that the duke finally gave up and allowed her to raise Nips as long as he lived in the palace the majority of the time.

The ducal family had a legitimate son after a few years, though, and Nips was ignored in many ways because of this. He spent his childhood running away to his gramma's house and baking bread and peach jam with her. When his younger brother reached inheriting age, however, the duke sent Nips away. He became a bit of a hero in a quiet fishing village for saving their waters from an overpopulation of gar, thus his assumed surname "Garhunter." "Nips" isn't what he was called growing up either--his grandmother called him "Leon."

He's worried about his grandmother and tries to sneak back to see her whenever he can.

In my current campaign, he's stuck in Barovia and wants nothing more than to get back to his gramma. I'm playing him as a paladin with a homebrew oath--the Oath of Family. His "spells" often involve him whipping up homecooked meals and his "holy symbol" is the sun hat his gramma gave him.

It's been a pretty rough campaign, though. Nips is very homesick.

He has grown to VERY MUCH dislike Strahd for both personal and general reasons--all I'll say is that our party adopted Vasili as our favorite NPC and brought him everywhere with us. Sooo when the party was invited to dinner at Strahd's mansion, Nips showed up in his full ducal regalia in order to try and show Strahd that he refuses to be cowed.

That patch on his chest is the Gerard family's symbol, a spear in an open field. The family specializes in spearfighting; thus Nips' proficiency with the spear for fishing.

It's been hard for Nips to face Strahd because Strahd reminds him of his own father; a tyrant. In a way, living in the fishing village gave Nips a way to avoid facing the damage his father has done and avoiding the responsibility ingrained in him since birth of protecting the people of the dukedom. The moral quandaries in Curse of Strahd are difficult for him. It's distressing to him when he can't help everyone. A part of his spirit is becoming bitter and hard.

Not to mention that our time at Strahd's castle didn't go well...

He actually has a playlist as well, if you would like to listen to it on Spotify 💚 >>HERE<<

-

Also check out @birdlimes and @izuris and of course the DM ruining all our lives, @rookdaw, for more art from the campaign B)

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

City Slicker (m, allergies)

I present to you all: p0rn lmao. This is my first allergy fic in YEARS and it is literally just 2k of Elijah sneezing himself silly. It's a little messy, just fair warning. Hope you all (especially my allergy-hungry friends in my ask box) enjoy this - I certainly enjoyed writing it lmao.

cw: male snz, MESS

City Slicker

“What’s your favorite animal?”

“Greyson. I really am not in the mood to play twenty questions right now.”

“But I’m bored.”

Elijah sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, the other held firmly on the steering wheel of the van. “What are you, a toddler?” he asked, replacing his hand so both were white-knuckling the steering wheel. “Play on your phone or something.”

“I’ve reached the end of the internet. Can we stop and get Starbucks?”

“Greyson, we’re in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere. What do you want me to do, conjure up a Starbucks? You should’ve asked before we were out of the city.”

Greyson groaned loudly, living up to the toddler label his boss had bestowed upon him. “Great, so now I get to be bored and uncaffeinated.”

“I’m sure they’ll have some shitty folger’s or something when we get there,” Elijah said, prompting a loud, fake gag from Greyson. Elijah took a deep, calming breath in through his nose. “We’re almost there, you fucking brat.”

The event this weekend wasn’t one Elijah would have normally said yes to; it was a Farmhouse Retreat out in a rural part of New York State, and any town with fewer than a million people living in it tended to give him hives. Not to mention his irrational fear of farm animals – not that he’d ever actually seen one in person; the thought alone of a pig looking him in the eye was too disgusting for him to put into words. But, it was a paid event which was incredibly rare, and it was a celebrity getaway which meant buzz for the restaurant. Those were two difficult things to say no to.

Elijah’s phone signaled them to turn right, and when he did he and Greyson gasped in unison – this was no Podunk farmhouse getaway. The house itself was more of a farm mansion, twice the size of even the largest house Elijah had seen out in the Hampton's. The agriculture was meticulously kept, and the animals were grazing out in the tall grass – far enough away to escape any fear, but close enough to give the entire place a Fisher-Price-esque charm. Greyson whistled long and low as they parked next to the line of other caterer’s cars.

“Not in Kansas anymore, eh Dorothy?” the chef asked, yanking open the passenger side door and stepping out to stretch. Elijah couldn’t help but huff out a laugh as he opened his own door.

“Guess no – HTSCH!” Elijah wrenched to the side as he stepped out of the car. Clearly the air out here was too clean for his city-boy sensibilities. Greyson barked out a laugh from the other side of the van.

“Bless,” he called, pulling open the two trunk doors to start unloading their things. “I figured your systems would all start shutting down the moment you breathed in air that didn’t smell like piss.”

“Oh, like you’re any better,” Elijah said, starting towards the trunk to help his friend. “When’s the last time you chose to take a trip somewhere with no bar or coffee shop?”

“Obviously never, but I grew up in a shitty one-horse town,” Greyson said. “You’ve probably never even seen a cow in real life.”

Elijah’s face flamed, and Greyson howled. “Shut the fuck up,” Elijah grumbled, elbowing Greyson in the stomach and grabbing the decorations for their booth. Greyson doubled over with laughter, cupped his hands around his mouth, and shouted into the quiet farm air.

“CITY SLICKER! WE GOT OURSELVES A CITY SLICKER!”

“Greyson, shut up,” Elijah called, turning to face the chef. “People are paying to stay here, you fucking dickhead.”

“Alright, alright, sorry boss,” Greyson lamented. He pulled a few chafing dishes out of the back and hoisted them onto his shoulder. “Not my fault that it’s hilarious that your body hates fresh air.”

“It doesn’t – hhITZCH! TSHH! HTSH!” Elijah crushed his nose into his shoulder to sneeze this time, prompting another round of laughter from Greyson.

“Sure it doesn’t,” Greyson said, passing his boss to head towards the sign directing the purveyors to the massive yard of the farmhouse. “City slicker.”

***

Something was happening – he didn’t know what it was, but he did not like it.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Like, I know I was making fun of you before, but are you sick?” Greyson asked as Elijah buried his face in his arm for the fiftieth time that hour.

“HTSHH! Hh-ITZCHH! HRSHH!” Elijah wiped his running nose on his sleeve and cringed. He used his hand to attempt to wipe the sleeve of the watery mucus he’d left behind to no avail. “I’m not sick, I feel fine,” he said. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me – HTSHH!”

Greyson slowly raised an eyebrow, covered his finished food so it would stay fresh for the first guests’ arrival in thirty minutes, and leaned against their booth. “Lij, I’ve spent a lot of time around you – you literally never sneeze this much unless you’re sick.”

“Grey, I’ve been completely fine up until we got here, are you saying the fucking fresh air made me sick? Do you think I’m some sort of nega-Victorian child, instead of needing the fresh air to clear up my scarlet fever I need the sweet smell of street hotdogs and sewage? Hhuhh’ITSCHH-ue! TSHH! ITZCHUE! Fucking hell.” Elijah covered his face with a hand and looked desperately around for something to wipe it with. Grudgingly, Greyson handed him one of his kitchen towels. “Thanks,” Elijah muttered, blowing his nose.

“Y’know,” Greyson said, “normally I would say that yes, you are the nega-Victorian child, but I don’t think you’re lying.”

“Thanks,” Elijah said, rolling his eyes from behind the towel.

“For once.”

Elijah flipped the chef off.

Greyson laughed. “Seriously, though, have you ever been on a farm before?”

Elijah threw his hands into the air, annoyed. “No, Greyson, I’ve never been on a farm. Happy? Yes, I’m a fuckin’ liberal-elite city-slicking dickhead. Happy?” He sniffled lightly, post-tirade, his nose already itching again with the need to – to -

“HTSHH! HRSHH! Huh! TSHHH! HRSHH-uh! ITZCHH-ue! Huh!” Elijah pressed the back of his hand hard into his nose to stop the stream of sneezes – the other caterers had to be staring at him. He was sure of it.

Greyson bit his cheek to keep from laughing. “Lij,” he said, placing a careful hand on his boss’s shoulder. “I think you’re allergic to this farm.”

Elijah blinked back itchy tears. He rubbed his nose on the towel, sniffled lightly, and looked around him – at the animals he’d never been near before, the grass he’d only been around when it was perfectly manicured for a lawn or fake, the trees with their yellow pollen floating in the wind. “Oh,” he said. “I… I mean, I’m not allergic to anything.”

“Not allergic to anything you’ve been around before,” Greyson corrected, a shit-eating grin slapped across his face.

Elijah pressed two fingers into his itching, swelling right eye. “Yeah,” he said, taking in the allergen-ladled scenery. “I guess you’re right.”

Greyson motioned towards the back doors of the farmhouse, where throngs of people were beginning to head towards the booths of food. “I’d offer to ask the host for an antihistamine,” he said, “but I think it might be showtime.”

Elijah watched the crowd with a mix of anxiety and abject horror. This walk-around event was two hours long, and he couldn’t go two minutes without sneezing. “Fuck me,” he muttered, shoving the towel behind their booth and sniffling. “Hhh-! HTSSHH! HRRISHH!”

“Get it together, man,” Greyson said, unwrapping his food and setting out tiny plates. “It’s showtime.”

***

By the time the event was over and the guests had filed back into the farmhouse for whatever rich person activity they had planned for the evening, Elijah had quite literally sneezed himself hoarse.

“Dude,” Greyson said as he piled their things back into the containers they’d brought with them, “maybe you should go sit down for awhile.”

Elijah turned to the chef, rubbing his nearly-swollen-shut eye, and gave him the dirtiest look he could muster. “Sit where, Chef? In the grass that’s trying to kill me, or under the tree that’s trying to kill mehhh – ETSCHH-ue! ESHHH! HRTSHH-uhh! HTSHH! TSHH! ITZCH-ue! Guhh…” Elijah had given up the facade and moved from sneezing helplessly into his sleeve to sneezing directly onto the ground, hands braced on his knees so as not to pass out from dizziness. Greyson cringed as his boss wiped a string of snot from his nose with the back of his hand – this was about to be a long drive back to the city.

“I meant in the car, Lij,” Greyson said, not-so-subtly handing Elijah his last clean kitchen towel. The GM took it, grateful, and wiped his nose, which seemingly subconsciously turned into a long, congested nose blow.

“Fuck, sorry, my brain isn’t fucking working,” Elijah muttered, clearing his throat. “I can’t fucking stop – HRRSHH-ue! Snee – HTSH! HRSSH! ITZSSCHUE! Hhh!” Elijah cringed into the now-soiled kitchen towel, delicately wiped his nose, and folded it up. “You don’t have another one of those by chance, do you?” he asked, breath already hitching once again.

“Sorry, boss,” Greyson winced. “Last one.”

Elijah nodded, somber. “Yeah, I’ll go waii – huh… snf. Wait in the cah – HUHHITSZHH-ue! ITSSZHH-uh! Huh! HTSHH! HuhhhITSZZHH-ue!” Elijah once again turned away from Greyson to sneeze towards the ground. Each one sounded more desperate, more painful than the last. Greyson had literally never seen his boss so… well… affected.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” a voice from behind the both of them said. Greyson whipped around as Elijah attended to his nose. It was one of the other chefs, smiling in sympathy and holding a pink package. “I wanted to see if he needed some Benadryl. I mean, it’s not non-drowsy, but since the event is over I figured -”

“Yes,” Greyson said without consulting Elijah. “Yes, one million percent.” He took the Benadryl out of the other man’s hand and placed a grateful hand on his shoulder. “Thank you so much.”

The other chef laughed in earnest, took a peek over at Elijah, then regarded Greyson again. “I remember my first farm trip,” he said. Greyson bit back a laugh.

“Something similar?”

“You could say that.”

Greyson smiled and patted the man’s shoulder. “Thank you again. Seriously, here’s my card – stop by anytime for dinner on me. You just saved me from five hours of breathing in his fuckin’ mucus.”

The man laughed again. “Anytime,” he said, taking the card from Greyson’s hand. “And I think I’ll take you up on that. You guys in the city?”

“Lucky guess,” Greyson said. The other chef smiled.

“See you around,” he said, heading towards his truck. Greyson popped a pink pill out of its packaging and placed a rough hand on his boss’s shoulder. Elijah, obviously gearing up for another fit of sneezes, turned and saw, almost instinctively, the pill in Greyson’s hand.

“Oh thank god,” Elijah gasped, snatching the Benadryl and choking it down dry. Greyson snorted out a laugh.

“Now you really need to go sit in the car,” he said as Elijah wiped his raw nose for the millionth time.

“Wha - ? Why, what was that?”

“Benadryl, you pill-fiend,” Greyson said, showing his boss the packaging. “Can’t sneeze if you’re passed out.”

“At this point I would’ve taken a lobotomy if it stopped the snee – sneezi – HUTSHHH-ue! HRSH! HRSHHH! HTSHH! Hhuhhh… hh, hhh… huhhITSSZZH-ue!” Elijah, clearly too exhausted to even cover his mouth, just turned away and allowed the fit to happen, sneezes sprayed into the open, pollen-heavy air. He groaned and held a hand up to his streaming nose. Greyson sighed, took off his chef’s coat so he was just in a white cotton t-shirt, and handed it woefully to his boss.

“You owe me a new coat,” he said as Elijah, too exhausted to even feel shame, took the garment and held it to his face. “Now go to the car and go to sleep.”

“Yes, Cheehh – HRRTSHH-ue!”

[mareposie]

twiyor hc

Yor is feeling down lately, she’s daydreaming a lot and barely talk. One Friday morning she tells Loid that she will spend the weekend away, she wants to travel to her old village because she heard it had been restored and it is slowly getting repopulated with a great housing program. Loid wonders if she wants to go there alone, as a family or with Yuri. Yor says she doesn’t want to trouble anyone as she is a bit sensitive and might cry a lot, she doesn’t want Yuri or Anya to see her like that. Then Loid asks if he can go with her because he wants to be there for her when she will be vulnerable, since they’re married, they vowed to be there for each other in moments of weakness.

They make arrangements for Anya and Bond who will spend the weekend at Becky’s and there’s no emotional farewell moment because Anya was already running in the mansion with candied peanuts in her mouth before saying goodbye-

Loid and Yor arrive together in the old village and when they try to book at the hotel, the owner tells them there is only a room. So they blush and they act like they don’t mind because they are MARRIED.

The visit goes well, Yor shows all the places of her childhood (when her parents were still alive) to Loid, at least the ones she remembers. Many buildings are brand-new so it looks weird. The few people who lives there are people who came because of the housing program so they are not from the village originally. Loid notices that Yor lost her Southern accent but he can still hear it sometimes as he sees the elderly who survived the war talking with that accent. But Yuri definitely has the Berlint accent.

Yor’s mood is a little bit better as she found the farm with apple trees and the endless red roses bushes that she loved so much. She kicks an apple tree and many apples fall down “just like old times” (Loid just stares in silent, he’s used to that, not even questioning how a little girl could have done that.).

Her old preschool doesn’t exist anymore as it had been destroyed by bombs, she tells Loid that it was the only time she went to school and after that she didn’t receive an education because her parents died and she had to take care of Yuri... Sometimes she feels embarrassed because Loid and Yuri are super smart and sometimes she feels out of place. Loid tells her she is “street smart” which is even better because she knows things that books could not teach Loid for example, understanding children and kicking angry cows to calm them down.

They finally find Yor’s old house and guess what ? It’s one of the few houses that hadn’t been destroyed. They knock at the door and a pregnant woman opens the door and welcomes them, she got the house from the special program and has recently moved in with her husband. She allows Yor and Loid to visit the house but everything inside has been replaced or restored. Yor still find scratches in the kitchen and she reveals her mother used to cut the meat with a lot of strength and her father was tired of buying new cutting boards everyday. Loid laughed because Yor also cuts with a strong hand. The garden is large and they used to have chicken and would grow vegetables, Yor smiles when she remembers how she caught a rabbit in the garden with her bare hands when she was 4 and how her mother cooked it for dinner (Loid questioning himself again then smiles).

When they’re about to leave, the husband of the new owner arrive and said he found something hidden in the wooden floor and he shows them a box filled memories of the Briar family, there are albums filled with pictures, diaries, baby clothes, jewels and other things. He wanted to bring it to the government just in case the family was still alive. The pregnant lady says she is so happy that she and Yuri are okay and promise to take care of the house. She also wants them to visit as much as they want.

When Loid and Yor are back to the hotel, they remember the single bed crisis but Yor is too busy with the Briar box to worry about the bed. They spend the whole evening looking at the baby pictures of Yor and Yuri with all the missing information like the birth charts. She found her mother’s recipe book filled all the dishes she used to cook, that stew is not exactly like the one she cooked with Camilla but she is glad because it’s her own cooking inspired by her mother’s. Loid suggests to help her to prepare those recipes and Yor is just so happy. She cries when she sees pictures of her parents because she had forgotten their faces and Loid makes sures to comfort her. Yor and Yuri took their whole look from their mother but the funniest thing is that Yor’s father is actually a pretty blonde blue eyed man, just like Loid, Yor mentions that she thought he was brunette but now she really see the ressemblance with her dad, even in kindness and patience. Her mother was actually the strict parent.

Loid shares details on what he remembers from his childhood and he wondered if they could have been friends as children. Yor thinks no because Loid seems to come from a distinguished family and there’s an awkward silence. Then they find her parents’ wedding vows and also the rings as if her mother knew that something would happen to them so they hid their memories in this box. Yor find a very long letter written by her mother and this letter explains how she knew Yor and Yuri would be orphan because of the war and how they would always be watching them from the sky and many angsty stuff that just makes Yor cry even harder. Loid and Yor spend the night in each other’s arms, comforting each other and Yor says she is glad there’s only one bed because she doesn’t know how she would have made it alone. She was tired of feeling alone.

The day after, they go to the library and they manage to get all the Briar family related documents. Yor’s mother used to be a well known performer from the Far East who retired after getting married while her father was...a doctor. A military doctor though (not Loid wondering why there are too many coincidences --many that’s why Yuri hates him so much). Yor’s mother used to be a “performer” who has a great physical strength ? Hm. Loid thinks a lot.

When they are in the train back to Berlint, Yor thanks Loid for taking care of her when she was vulnerable and as a present, she proposed to him one more time with her parents’ rings. He gladly accepts and he says he would do it a thousand times because he is her life partner.

Anya is happy to see her parents again (yeah she miss them) and she suddenly tells Yor that she loves her, and even calls her “Mommy” for the first time. Of course, Yor cried and calls Anya with many pet names.

Now Yor is always bubbly but gets flustered when she remembers how close and touchy she was with Loid during that trip. And also how they slept in the same bed.

“Papa and Mama kissed in a bed ?”

“NO WE DIDN’T”

Fin.

[missbluesunflowersstuff]

AU where Talia decided to raise Damian in Metropolis and Jason decided to ignore Batman and go with her

Damian is still trained, but not as intensely (Talia allowed it because she knows very well how many enemies Ra's and Batman have, she wants her son to be ready to defend himself if necessary, but always vigilant so that Damian's training is not exhausting and terrible)

Then when Damian has 8 (or 10), she just looks for her father and says "bye"

Ra's is a good grandfather who loves his grandchildren (Damian and Mara), he is just a weird magic man for them (he is still the demon but not for his people and family)

So the trio move to Metropolis, Talia to get the job with Lex and Bruce almost had a heart attack because JESUS CHRIST IS THAT JASON TODD?! AND WHO IS THAT TINNY SMOL BOY NEXT TO HIM?!

Jason still hates Batman and tries to kill Tim (they'll get along later but not now)

Jason talks shit about Batman all time and Damian believes in him because old brother Jason knows things, and then Damian also dislikes his father

Jason became a crime lord in Gotham to piss Bruce off and annoying Dick and Tim, Talia just asked Jason don't put Damian in this crime thing, Jason and Talia tried to keep Damian a part of this mess crime and hero thing

Damian, like all other children in his age, is curious and impulsive. Then he stole a ninja costume and went to Gotham because he is curious about his father and the others brothers

And then he met Dick

Dick is just tired of Jason messing around but he recognizes a curious kid when he sees one (and he is also curious about Damian - no one knows Damian is Bruce blood son yet)

Dick and Damian become weird friends eventually (as canon their relationship is slowly but strong in the end)

When Jason finds out about Damian's new friend, he tries to hunt Dick down

Too late

Damian now has a cow and Dick has Damian's DNA

All the Batfam goes crazy because THIS BOY IS YOUR SON!!

just thinking about 'Damian, I need to tell you something, you're the son of the Batman' - Dick

'yeah, I know' Damian knew it all along because Talia told him and Jason about Damian's father

Steph and Cass are also curious about this little boy and kidnapped him to a playdate (and also annoying Jason and Bruce)

Damian dislikes Tim Drake because Jason told him to do so and he will listen to his older brother (they'll eventually get along)

Bruce tries to get close to Damian a few times and Jason always stops him. Whenever the two meet it is a terrible fight, both emotional and physical (Jason just gatekeeping Damian rn)

Talia could help Bruce, but she decides whatever Jason is doing is funnier, then she allows Jason to bully his dad for a while

Maybe it's Jason's rude words, the guilt of not being seen with the same admiration for the boy anymore, making Bruce become "softer" and try to get involved in Jason and Damian's lives because he doesn't want to make mistakes like he did in the past

somehow this becomes a mess in the media, after all Talia and Bruce are rich (she is richer than him) and a child custody dispute is always crazy and the favorite dish for reporters

the plan about protecting Damian from media harassment just fell apart (thanks Bruce and his bad decisions)

Talia and Jason were almost planning to send Damian to spend time on an Al Ghul family island when the images began to disappear from the internet almost instantly

This happened because the batkids worked together because 'Jason is our brother and Damian is also our brother'

When Jason goes to confront Dick about this, Dick says it's all Tim's plan (he knows about the assassination attempts and he doesn't want the family fighting)

Tim and Jason get along after this

"but you say he is a bitch' - Damian about Tim

'yeah, but he is a friend now' - Jason

Somehow Dick lures Damian in the mansion to him met Alfred

so while the media is covering the whole spectacle of the custody fight over Damian, Damian, Talia and Jason are having tea with Alfred and ignoring Bruce

And Jason still is a crime lord

Eventually Bruce gets the right to see Damian (I want to bully this man a little after Gotham War)

Damian doesn't go to school, but he still meets Jon and Kathy at a farming event because he wants to show off Batcow

They becomes friends there (Clack and Lois have no idea that this Damian who Jon is talking about is Damian Wayne, but they're super happy because Jon is making more friends)

Damian invites Jon to his birthday party, something that makes all of Kent very happy

Damian's birthday becomes incredibly awkward once Clack encounters Bruce and the Batkids, Talia Al Ghul, Jason Fucking Todd, Ra's Al Ghul, and some other assassins and children of assassins that Talia and Damian trust

Also Maya and Mara are also there

Mara because she and Damian were rising together in the league (they have a brother and sister relationship but they don't know it yet)

and Maya proclaimed herself Damian big sister since her father trained him

[ae-neon]

Someone said karma to Will Byers' dog dying and the ppl in the replies are so offended.

Meanwhile he's sitting in his mansion making and liking genocidal Zionist posts while every man, woman, child and animal in Palestine is brutalised, kept on the brink of malnutrition, becoming exhausted due to sleep deprivation, put through incomprehensible trauma and killed.

Fuck Noah and his dog.

There's videos of Palestinian kids sharing their last bits of food and water with their cats. People digging their pets out of the rubble in which their families were buried alive. Maybe that dogs are also being dismembered by bombs will make you care.

I love animals. I cry over monkeys and cows just being themselves. I put out water for the stray cats in my neighborhood.

But people who put human lives below animal lives actually make me sick to my stomach.

Y'all are fine with genocide but draw the line here?? Acting like op went and killed the dog themselves, fuck off

[nomsfaultau]

au idea with bedrock bros and with a bit of mandatory family reunion

basically Tommy is a billionaire’s kid and wants a brother and what’s this? An English teacher who complimented him once because he didn’t write a dogshit essay?

yeah that’s his brother now, congrats

mandatory family reunion except techno really IS just a guy but Tommy latches onto him bc Techno actually sees his potential and knows how to pull out his best work without being overbearing. so Philza shrugs and goes ‘new kid ig’ just like he does when Tommy brings home his millionth pet. To the degree of when Tommy is first talking abt bringing techno home Philza has already ordered like a massive dog bed just in case this is another cow. Tbf if the em duo first interaction is ‘OH! Wait you’re human?’ It’s still leagues better than MFR’s hasty threats. Anyway Tommy does puppy eyes so of course they have to get a new Techno.

They hire him as a private teacher and since you know billionaires it’s actually not totally out of the realm of them just having him live there like the servants do in this weirdly remote and fortified mansion. Tommy is actively calling him brother and Techno just rolls his eyes bc clingy goblin. What of course Techno is going to pay attention to him and play w him it’s called engaging the creative mind. And Tommy is the most engaged student he’s ever had (bc ulterior motives) and he’s getting paid bucket loads and doesn’t quite know what normal boundaries for private in house teachers are bc he’s some poor shmuck.

Anyway if these Crafts have an ounce more brains than they do in MFR and he is a free range Techno, it could be like five months before he realizes they’ve forcefully adopted him.

Techno tries to do his taxes and panics bc it came back saying the ID section is filled out entirely wrong, help did someone steal his identity!? Ah!?!?!?

And then Phil is passing through and is like ‘oops forgot to tell you we changed your last name. Sorry mate I’ll fix that for you’ and Techno does a spit take.

[sl33paholics]

His Favorite Out of Them All

Jonathan x black!fem reader

Warning(s): Adultery, smut, slurs mention, discrimination, racism ( it's the 1800s we're talking bout idk what you expect), degrading, Dio being Dio

Song: Body Party by Ciara

You were pinned against the wall heavy breaths escaping your mouth, feeling the rough hands of the person you served for carefully undoing your outfit, the reek of alcohol wrapped around your nostrils. This was wrong. This could get you fired. But you couldn't resist the temptation. Your eye darts around the room and your stomach feel butterflies, you'd never thought this was the way your virginity would get taken. How did it even get to this point?

You were hired to serve the Joestars not too long ago, your parents were stoked to hear that you were going to be working for them and put you under strict training to make sure you wouldn't fuck up and ruin their family name as if it wasn't already difficult enough for them to make ends meet, this was an opportunity you couldn't fumble on.

Meeting the Joestars was a huge deal. Picking you up from your old-run-down house that was somewhat stable enough, George Joestar was surprisingly polite allowing you to hug your parents one last time before being escorted to the horse and buggy. The trip felt long, hearing your heartbeat, sitting in silence, and tightening up your posture to impress the man in front of you. Upon arriving there he promised you "If you ever need anything let me know.". He introduced you to his 2 sons, Dio and Jonathan before letting you see the rest of your employees.

But working there for the first 4 months was a living hell. Your workmates wouldn't listen to you for help, purposefully making a mess and pinning it on you to clean it up, and oh let's not forget about the slurs they would say without a shame in the world. Not only that, they would comment on your features. Plumpy lips? Gross. Slightly bigger thighs? Lose some weight. An ass not small like theirs? What a cow. It didn't help that Dio, a guy you were also serving, would encourage their behavior to a degree. He'd tease you about the things the women would mention, enjoying the sight of you on the verge of tears. You had to power through it, you didn't have an option. Would you rather go back to living in a rust of a house or resume working with these terrible people? Thought so.

It was the week when the Joestars won the rugby game for their school, to celebrate, their father held a party at the infamous mansion. A busy week indeed, you worked your ass off ignoring the offensive comments your co-workers would say, your main focus was to get it over with and head back to your room. On the day of the party, the living room was packed, giving you much anxiety to the point where your arms were numb. "You! Fetch me a drink and a cheese platter, will you!?" "Yes, sir." Just stay calm and serve the rich white folks, they'd leave you alone! You thought to yourself. Mama always told you to appease the higher-ups if you don't wanna be thrown behind bars over something so small.

You walked around and see the man himself, Jonathan, stumbling on the stairs. "Be careful, sir!" you hurried over and helped him to get to the top, he was quite heavy, but you had the strength to make sure he wouldn't trip and fall over. "Room...my bedroom, please." you slowly took the Joestar over to his bedroom and closed the door behind you two. "Mr. Joestar, are you alright—" his big two hands pinning you against the wall, catching you off guard but your fight or flight instincts kicked in. "You're so beautiful, (Y/N). I would never understand why people tear your kind down..." his thumb caressing your cheek before bringing his face closer to yours. "You deserve someone who can give you what you need, not just money..." "Sir, I—" Before you could finish speaking, he pushed his tongue against your lips and tasted you. His tongue moved inside, licking and sucking on your lower lip, your cheeks, and neck until his fingers reached your shirt.

As if you couldn't breathe for a second, you held onto him feeling your legs getting shaky. The room abruptly became smaller, you couldn't focus on anything other than Jonathan, his warm breath, the way his eyes glistened under the lighting of the lamps, and the soft touch of his fingertips against your hips. As soon as he felt that your body relaxed, he kissed you deeply. He began to undo your uniform, the once knot behind you was now gone as it began to slowly slip off your shoulders. Jonathan's hand traveled down, stopping for a second at your waist before he started to kiss more fervently down your chest. The feeling of lust mixed with a sense of anxiety, apprehension that this would all end up in a disaster.

Your uniform was now on the floor. Jonathan couldn't help but stare at you, the way your white bra and panties were hugging you. The way you glowed in the dimmed room, what an extraordinary sight. Your heart beat rapidly, beating so hard you thought you might pass out right then and there. With no words left to say, he picked you up bridal style, the smell of your vanilla scent intoxicating. He carried you into his bed, laying you down gently before climbing on top of you. One of his hands ran down your thigh, your skin hot under his hand. Another hand trailed along your body, your back arched slightly as he rubbed his thumbs against your breasts. He brought his lips next to your ear whispering, "You're so beautiful…" "Sir…" you breathed out quietly.

So suddenly, he began to rub your clit through the fabric before rubbing your walls too. This sensation, this overpowering feeling, was driving you nuts. "Sir, you...you're engaged..!!" You let out a low moan when you felt him rub faster, and harder, you could barely handle it anymore. Your panties were now off and as well as your bra, laying naked in front of Jonathan. "(Y/N), my woman," Jonathan's voice turned husky, a bit rough and rough sounding as if he had been smoking for hours. Taking off his clothes, he placed them on the side of the bed, you looked at how well-defined his muscles were, and how he was hard as a rock. "Please tell me what you want, (Y/N)." "I want…a man like you," your voice was shaky but firm. "Please, sir, show me how you feel."

Oh, how painful it was at first. Like a shockwave went through your body feeling the tip ripped through your hymen. He reassured you, adjusting to his size and whatnot. After a few minutes, he began to move, little by little all of him was going inside of you. It took several tries for him to finally hit the spot you needed. "Oh god..!" you moaned loudly, quickly covering your mouth. You felt his pace increase, you weren't used to this type of pleasure and his thrusts made you weak in the knees. Jonathan moved your hand away "Let me hear your voice dear, I doubt the guests can hear you scream with the music blasting in the hall." Jonathan was sloppy, he began to get cocky. He pulled out before flipping you on your stomach, lifting your ass in the air before shoving it back in, making you scream "JONATHAN!" The 6'5 male kept slamming into you, the sight of your ass jiggling each time he trusted drove him insane, something he couldn't get from Erina.

It was almost like he wanted to punish her.

With each thrust you took Jonathan grew angrier, you were still screaming into the sheets as he entered you again, he pulled out, slamming himself back in harshly, pushing you so far past your limits he broke through, your whole body shook uncontrollably with pleasure. Leaning over, he grabbed your breasts and started to play around with them roughly, making sure that you knew he enjoyed watching you squirm underneath him.

"You're taking me so well," he praised you, kissing you on the neck. Your pussy was being punished by his aggressive, throbbing cock. "Sir, I think I'm going to cum!!" you whined, your head thrown back, your teeth biting the pillow. "Do it then, love, come on," Jonathan ordered. Your pussy squeezing tightly around the tip of his cock. "Yes yes darling," Jonathan continued to thrust violently while his hand continued to slap your ass, causing the vibrations to send tremors throughout your body. Juices falling out and finally climaxing, you couldn't help but scream out in ecstasy.

Stars. You were seeing stars as you stared at the ceiling of the room. You looked around and see Jonathan cleaning your body up with a wet rag. What an amazing experience but you couldn't help but feel regret rising in you. "Why the sour look?" Jonathan asked you, wiping off your stomach with a towel. "I uhm, I'm sorry. It's just that you're engaged and—" "We don't have to talk about it," Jonathan assured you. "What?" "Listen, (Y/N), you're my main focus right now. Erina doesn't have to know. Sure, we're having a bit of issues here and there but trust me, I wanted you ever since you came here." he wrapped his arm around you pulling you close to him as you laid your head on his shoulder, nuzzling your nose in his hair. Jonathan was so sweet, loving even. How was it possible for him to be in such a position of power?

He kissed the side of your face, softly pressing your lips together. "You are the most captivating woman I've ever caught a glimpse of, and I promise to always adore you. That's something that I'll do with my whole life."

[violet-moonstone]

So I'm deep in a vampire obsession right now (WWDITS, Interview with the Vampire, Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3, etc...also writing a vampire-themed fanfiction)

And it just so happens that one of my favourite podcasts, Welcome to Night Vale just released an episode about a vampire. There's a section in it that I really love and that I think fits what I'm writing about very well.

Kinda spoilers so fair warning:

"Luca would live in Henri’s home. He would run errands, invite guests, and clean what needed to be cleaned. There was a lot to clean, well more than what a human employer would require. Everything Henri asked of Luca was more than a human would require. Luca had the stomach for it, though it took years to achieve that level of fortitude. To be able to abide by Henri’s needs.

Many mornings, alone in the sunlit mansion, while Henri was asleep (or whatever state he was in), Luca would vomit. He was not ill, physically. The vomit was a kind of exorcism, a removal of his own humanity. The release of angels, of conscience. Morality was exiting his body. His soul needed room for a monster.

Luca never killed a person, but he knowingly led many to be killed. He justified this by imagining cows led to slaughter. Their deaths are painless. Their deaths are useful. Their deaths are the order of nature. We could all be so lucky to have served a purpose as glorious as the circle of life and to receive the reward of leaving our bodies without disease, rot, discomfort, or ruin.

Rationalization is one of man’s most clever and most dangerous inventions. And Luca knew it. But not right away. He would not fully comprehend what he was doing for years."

Man, I love this podcast.

[aries-writingblog]

Enemy Fire: 22.5

Summary: There's a new kid in town, and she's got a city to usurp.

Pairing: Jason Todd × F. Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings:

AN: photos are from Pinterest

YN readjusted her position on the overstuffed suede couch. All of the furniture in the Manor felt stiff, unused. Supremely uncomfortable, despite what Bruce had probably paid for the items.

The Wayne Manor was an interesting conundrum, in of itself.

With its steep staircases and grand, sweeping halls it was all regal. And in opposition to the Gothic exterior, the interior was brightly lit. Floor to ceiling windows, various chandeliers hung brilliantly from the ceilings and sconces decorated the walls.

What was interesting was the mash of art and photography.

What seemed to be authentic, antique paintings. Various portraits of, what appeared to be the Wayne family. Young Bruce and his parents, all smiling and sitting comfortably together.

All around the mansion, there were framed photographs of various stages in the lives of the Wayne children.

Bruce was obviously proud of his children— and even those who weren’t adopted had several photos in their home.

And the animals…

They also had their place in the hall of photographs.

A dog, cat, cow, three goldfish, and a newly acquired pet lizard.

All Damian’s. The boy seemed to have a knack and a liking for the critters. They were all well behaved animals, as well; YN could at least acknowledge his diligence in training the beasts. Even if he didn’t quite trust her enough yet to let them be around her.

A screech down the hall jolted her from her reading. Various other loud noises joined in after the scream— the cacophony fortunately headed down the hallway, not in her own direction.

She had found refuge in the library, away from all the noise and people. Wayne Manor could barely be categorized as crowded, but sometimes it still felt like it.

Jason stepped out of his shower, wrapping a towel around his waist.

He had barely slept since his arrival and it was beginning to wreak havoc on his systems.

Memories he hadn’t thought of in years flooded him every night; Terrors and nightmares kept him awake, when his recurrent insomnia wasn’t on duty.

Every corner he turned in the Mansion reminded him of a time before.

Before the pain and hurt.

Before he was the creature he had become.

He blinked, realizing he had been standing in a haze. Unfocused eyes stared back at him in the mirror before they trailed down to the patchwork of his chest and abdomen.

He clenched his jaw, teeth grinding in aggravation.

He was going to lose his fucking mind in this place.

Jason managed to escape his room, fully dressed. He hadn’t the faintest idea of what he was supposed to do, now that he and YN were a package deal on house arrest.

YN…

Fuck, he hadn’t even checked in with her for days. He had been so strung out, his mind had begun slipping.

Ever since the training session he had sat in on, something sat at the base of his skull. A wriggling, nagging little thing.

Doubt.

He knew it had to be doubt.

It was persistent; Asking if he had done the right thing. If, perhaps STAR labs would’ve been a better choice.

Because Jason had done exactly what Bruce had done.

He made a decision for her. Without her even knowing about an option to consent to. He had made an attempt on her life, for God’s sake.

He hadn’t even stopped to think about the impact of that choice.

What if she had actually died?

Gangsters were notoriously untrustworthy.

Why the fuck had he put her life in the hands of some… guy?

Why the fuck had he gotten involved with her in the first place? She was plenty capable of handling herself.

Why the fuck had he ever thought he could be a friend to someone?

Jason Todd was a cancer.

And he couldn’t ruin her. YN was this… magnificent warmth. He was going to bleed her dry, until she was as cold as he was.

“Are you okay?” YN asked.

Jason blinked. He realized, with a start that he had been blindly wandering the hallways.

“What?” He asked, voice hoarse and strained. He had heard words, but they had been muted— as if underwater.

YN arched a brow, her head dipping lower to catch his eyes.

“You’ve been standing in the doorway for like five minutes.” She explained.

“M’fine.” He brushed her off, leaning against the doorframe. Attempting to be casual. It was increasingly difficult, considering his previous train of thought— that seemed to stick like gum on his shoe. “You been training?”

He nodded to the darkening mark around her eye. Evidence that someone could land a punch on her.

YN clicked her tongue, annoyance settling over her. She guessed he had heard about the training session from earlier, where she handed Duke’s ass to him and slammed Cass to the mats.

She hadn’t known to take it easy— they had told her to give it her all, to see what they were against. To make it fair, she hadn’t used any supernatural abilities, it had only been hand to hand.

But truthfully, Jason hadn’t spoken to any of his siblings yet.

He was simply being observant.

“You here to tell me I’m too violent?” She grumbled, sinking deeper into the sofa, trying to use her book to guard her face.

He sighed, pushing his weight back away from the doorframe.

“You’re too reckless. Sometimes violence is a means to an end, it’s easier and more effective.” Jason explained, moving further into the room. He stopped at the end on the couch, his knee brushing the bottom of her socked foot. “But being hostile and violent without a plan never ends well.”

“I plan stuff.” She grumbled, unhappily. He snorted.

“Not a good plan if it ends with improvise, or if you panic halfway through.”

“Jerk.”

Jason smirked.

Maybe he could bask in her warmth without leeching it. Maybe there was hope.

“What are you reading today, Tails?” He asked, attempting to peek through her fingers to the title.

YN dropped the book to her lap, her pen jotting down small words in the margin.

“Some idiot put these annotations in and they’re all wrong. Going through and correcting them.” She explained, finishing up her writing before picking the book back up.

Jason squinted, focusing in on the small swathe of book title he could read.

It looked familiar. Almost like…

He snapped forward, snatching the book out of her hands. She cried out in anger, confusion on her features.

“Those are my annotations.” Jason flipped through several pages. All the writing was in his neat penmanship, though now there was accompanying writing along side his. His was written in black ink, hers in purple.

Nearly all the purple contradicted the black, not to mention the question marks beside some of his words.

“Oh. You got them all wrong.” YN corrected, peeking over the top of the book.

Jason scowled, snapping it closed.

“That’s not possible. It was my own interpretation.” He argued.

YN shrugged, leaning back into the couch again.

“Your interpretation sucks.”

“You suck.”

“Your mom.”

Jason laughed, a haughty sound as he propped his hands on his hips.

“Jokes on you, my mom is dead.”

“What the fuck?”

Both Jason and YN’s heads snapped to the doorway, where the voice emanated from. Dick stood in blatant confusion at the predicament he arrived into.

YN leaned forward and snatched the book from his grasp, settling back into her place comfortably. A grin on her lips.

Jason frowned— both at her and his brother.

His eyes narrowed as he straightened his spine, his chest becoming more broad. Unconsciously, he leaned to the side, slightly; Just enough to begin blocking Dick’s view of YN.

“What do you want?” Jason groused.

Dick took the opportunity to step into the room further, as if he had been invited.

Jason clenched his fists.

In his visions of warmth, he had never imagined sharing. Much less with Grayson.

“I was going to ask YN if she had eaten dinner yet.” Dick offered, attempting to peek around the mountainous form of his brother.

Jason narrowed his eyes.

“What’s it to you?”

“Being friendly.” Dick shrugged.

“What for?”

“Why are you giving me the third degree?”

YN lifted a brow, her head tilting to see around Jason. The shit eating grin on Dick’s face told her enough.

Jason only bulked up; His chest and shoulders expanding. A sneer on his face.

“Was that a fucking pun— I’ll put a bullet in your ankle.”

YN heaved a dramatic sigh, slamming the book closed and leaving it on the table. She stood and stretched her shoulders out— arms rising above her head. Her shirt lifted, revealing her hips, where her pants were riding low.

Jason physically stopped himself from reaching out and pulling her shirt back down.

A violent shade of green tinged his sight, staking through his heart. Dissatisfied that Dick was able to bear witness.

YN didn’t seem to care that either were in the room with her.

“I’m already booked with Cass, Steph, and Barbara. Thanks anyway, Dick.” YN bumped Jason out of the way with her shoulder. He barely moved. “See you around, loser.”

She disappeared out of the doorway and almost instantly became untraceable. Jason didn’t know how she kept managing to do that— he was able to hear a mouse sneeze from two rooms over. Yet, he could never hear her footsteps or her heartbeat.

It was as infuriating as she was.

“Are they forming a girl group?” Dick asked, pointing after her. He frowned. “Dammit, why does she get accepted into girl’s nights and I don’t?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Bludhaven?” Jason asked, irritated by his brother’s increased presence. “Maybe have a job and shit?”

Dick frowned. He and Jason hadn’t been on the best of terms since the arrest went down. He couldn’t blame him for the betrayal he must have felt.

He did wish that Jason wasn’t such a vindictive personality.

That he would willingly sit and chat instead of keeping everything pent up until it exploded.

“I’m here for the weekend.” Dick answered, simply. He turned it on Jason, eyes wide and innocent. “Why are you still here?”

“I’m making sure you don’t talk YN into signing her soul over to you freaks.” Jason griped, hands shoved into his pockets and chin tilted up. Jaw clenched.

Dick’s brow furrowed.

“What?” He asked, meeting his brother’s sharp gaze. “The Titans— you heard that conversation?”

Jason’s eyes narrowed. What conversation? He had already tried recruiting her?

What the hell was his game?

“I don’t care what you’re trying to accomplish,” He started, his voice low enough to sound calm, but still threatening. “I don’t care if you think she could save all of Gotham City— or the tristate area, or the country. Stop with the hero shit.”

“What if it’s something she wants?” Dick countered, almost instantly. Jason’s jaw clenched tighter. He had just preached to himself about loosening that obsessive, possessive grip. Here he was: breaking it again. “You can’t force her to make a decision you like just because you’re in love with her.”

Oh…

Oh, no…

Fuck.

Fuck— what if Dick was right?

No; No, Dick was wrong. He didn’t love her. He barely even knew her. These past months had been acquaintanceship— strained friendship at best.

Dick was talking out of his league again.

“Shut the hell up.” Jason rumbled, his chest tingling with the building chaos.

“You can’t even admit it to yourself.” Dick scoffed, lips pulling into a deprecating, half smile.

“There’s nothing to admit.”

“You’ve frozen your heart for so long you can’t even thaw it if you wanted to.”

“I said, shut up!”

Jason lunged forward, wrapping his arm around Dick’s throat. He didn’t falter, however, and immediately clawed at his much larger brother’s arms. Managing to wriggle out of his grasp, Dick stumbled back.

His expression read shock. He knew that Jason had been repressing everything, but he didn’t know that he had been denying it existed.

To Jason’s credit, he had a tinge of regret in his eyes. Anger still clouded the bicolored irises, leaving his face creased with the violent streaks of rage.

But his hands started trembling.

He didn’t even think— he had just attacked.

He attacked his brother, again.

Jason backed away, nervousness beginning to settle in his bones. He cast one final glare in Dick’s direction.

“Stay away from her.” He warned, shoving past the eldest Wayne.

Dick tripped over his feet, the force of Jason’s push harsher than he had anticipated.

He was in for an extremely rude awakening, later; Dick unfortunately, knew the realization was going to be a bitch. And even though he was being a first class asshole recently, Jason would calm down after a few days.

He just needed to settle.

The dust needed to clear in his head before he could see his heart.