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grenboman · 1 year

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Since you can be a lot more substantial with posts on here than twitter, i wanna start doing some bigger posts that serve as bios for my OCs since I haven't posted em much here!! This will be tagged with #grenbOC, in the future ill tag other OC bios with that to make em easy to find!

And I'm gonna start with BAILEY!! His story starts when he was 22 years old, working through his first year of grad school as a journalism major. For his entire schooling career he'd been incredibly hardworking, putting in a ton of time and effort that landed him opportunity after opportunity as he shaped his future career.

During his first semester of grad school, however, this all began to catch up with him. The pressure to succeed combined with the immense workload was running him ragged, leading to most of his days being dedicated to arduous schoolwork and not much else. As a result, he eventually hit a breaking point, and couldn't force himself to sacrifice his mental and emotional well-being to continue with his studies. Before the spring semester of the same year began, he dropped out of the program.

After resting back home with his family for a few months, Bailey eased himself back into journalism, finding freelance work that allowed him to start living on his own, albeit very modestly. At this point he associated journalism with a lot of the negative feelings that led him to drop out, and was hoping to find a different path. Eventually, an old friend of his from college reached out to him in order to catch up, and ended up inviting Bailey on to a podcast they had started since graduating. While he went into it with a bit of apprehension and nervousness, Bailey enjoyed the unscripted and relaxed nature of the podcast immensely by the time it was over. He hadn't expected much to come from it afterwards, but upon checking the comments on the podcast, lots of listeners commented on how great of a guest Bailey was, complimenting his earnest disposition and relaxing presence and voice. He felt like that gentle and honest nature had never meshed well with the career path he chose, so to see that his real self was praised and encouraged on a different platform greatly influenced where he wanted to go next.

The next year brought a lot of change in Bailey's life. He began putting his voice out there more through video essays on things he was passionate about, namely true crime, mystery novels, cryptids, and the occasional one about video games he enjoyed. He didn't expect these to receive much traction, but his videos quickly found an audience, with viewers taking interest in the most random of topics if Bailey was presenting them. He still found himself working on lots of projects to make ends meet, but Bailey was markedly happier pursuing things he was passionate about and living a more relaxed lifestyle than he did while in college.

He went through more physical changes during this time too, getting several piercings and incorporating hair dye and makeup into his appearance, things he felt more comfortable trying now that he didn't have to keep up a professional appearance. More dramatic than these additions however was the weight he put on over that year. Most of his days consisted of sitting at his desk writing articles and scripts or recording and editing videos, and outside of working he would often spend time reading, polishing his cooking skills, or playing games. While he was indeed pursuing more passions than he did in college, the lack of exercise every day quickly caught up to him, and that combined with his very short stature led him to becoming fatter and more sedentary than he had ever been before.

Bailey was aware of his gain from when it began to become noticeable, and welcomed it as it happened. College had been the most hectic and stressful time of his life, leading to him being abrasive, wired, and overdisciplined for a long time. Becoming larger and softer, eating more during meals, moving less throughout the day, indulging in these things was allowing him to rejuvenate himself and become the gentle and tender person he had wished to be for a long time. He was pursuing hobbies and interests that he had so little time or energy for before, and actively building a career from it in the process, the extra weight was just another sign of how things had changed for the better, and he had no intention of fighting it.

As Bailey's videos gained more traction, he thought once again about how much he enjoyed the unscripted format, and began to experiment with livestreaming. He mostly broadcasted obscure games that he liked, or did more podcast-like streams in which he would ramble about any one subject he knew a lot about. Once again he was surprised by how much people enjoyed him as a personality, getting several messages and comments about how relaxing and entertaining his streams were, motivating him to pour more time into the platform. With streaming added to his schedule, his sedentary tendencies became more prominent as he sat on his widening rear for hours upon hours a day. While he still remained passionate about cooking his own food often, his schedule necessitated faster options, and more income from streaming allowed him to order in far more often than before, resulting in a more calorically dense diet with less effort to acquire food.

A few months into his streaming career, Bailey's audience and his waistline were growing at a steady pace. The stretchy clothes he had bought to keep up with his growth were no longer able to cover him entirely, leaving a wide gap of pale belly fat exposed between his stretchy top and bottom. His weight was distributing itself in an interesting way, his growth felt oddly even. When he packed on more belly fat, his back and rear would grow to match. As his legs widened and forced him to waddle, his shoulders and chest swelled with fat and pushed up on his double-chinned face. This distribution of weight resulted in him beginning to look like an orb of pale dough, and seeing his body get rounder and rounder this way always made Bailey blush whenever he checked the mirror...

For two years afterwards, Bailey continued to stream consistently, and his success allowed for it to become his main source of income. During this time he met and befriended his two roommates, Clara and Elline. Clara streams on the same platform as Bailey, and was an early fan of him, through their interactions they discovered that they lived incredibly close to one another, and as their friendship deepened, Bailey ended up moving in with her. It was then that he met Elline, Clara's roommate at the time. While she was far more reserved than Clara at first, Bailey found much common ground with her and became fast friends with her as well as she helped him and Clara with editing videos and stream highlights.

(Clara and Elline both belong to @squeezysquish, follow her if you wanna see more of them!!)

Bailey's gain only sped up during his time living with Clara and Elline, all of them influencing each other greatly over time. Clara's loud and proud personality rubbed off on Bailey and Elline, resulting in them being more comfortable with open displays of gluttony, as well as abandoning the concept of manners. Elline was the only one out of the three who was actively trying to gain weight, and her habits for packing on pounds and passion for doing so inspired Bailey and Clara to gain with purpose as well. And Bailey's laid-back, sedentary lifestyle influenced Clara and Elline, helping them feel more content with becoming larger to the point of having limited mobility, and therefore living slower, more relaxed lifestyles.

The life they life together now is one of pure indulgence and comfort, and though Bailey struggles to reach his keyboard when he streams, can't stand up without help with others, and has difficulty waddling a few feet, he and his roommates wouldn't rather live any other way.

And that's about it for Bailey's story for now! Not all my OC bios will be THIS long, i just happened to have a lot of art of Bailey that worked as a kind of weight gain sequence and I kinda wanted to write his story around that >:)

#grenbo art #fat art #fat boy #chubby #weight gain #male wg #wg text #grenbOC

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stinkylittleanon · 2 years

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Im gonna send in 2 bc i saw you do Haikyuu as well ;) Ok so crush headcannons, and how they confess for Wakatoshi, Atsumu, Tsukishima, Daichi and ill throw in Kageyama into the mix, Ty again! <3

OMGOMGOGMGOMOGMGM USHI!!! SCREAMING AND THROWING UP I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH USHIJIMA!!!! LOSING!! MY MIND!!! WAAAAAA

I won't be able to write for Atsumu, as I struggle to understand him, BUT USHI!!! I'll write extra for Ushi!!

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Ushijima Wakatoshi!!!!!! - SCREAMING AND THROWING UP AND CRYING - I FUCKING LOVE HIM - He'd be so cute when he gets a crush, like where'd this come from! - He actually wouldn't notice at first. Ushijima struggles with his emotions MEGA bad, so he'd confide in Tendou for this. - His crush makes his stomach feel weird, he's always thinking about how they'll be able to be in contact later in the day... Bonus if his crush is on his team in some way!!! Crush time during practice!! Yippee!! - Tendou is fuckin LOSING IT when he learns that THE WAKATOSHI USHIJIMA has a CRUSH!!! LIKE WHAT?!?! WA?!?! - Ushijima actually ignores it at first. Maybe it'll go away... This is getting in the way of his volleyball! It's distracting him! - But it gets stronger. His crush is just... So cute. They're obviously shorter than Ushijima, and he's just... - Tiny lil 'thang... Lovem... - They make Ushi and Tendou's duo into a trio, they'd have to always be around Ushijima for him to get feelings. - USHIJIMA ACTUALLY TEXTS THEM GOODMORNING FIRST! Tendou's jealous of that /j - Anyways, he'd fucking STRUGGLE to confess - How would this influence his future? His schoolwork? Would it be negative? - But he wants... To be close to them so bad... - He ends up handing his crush flowers, demanding they meet him at a cafe nearby, and walking away, Tendou has to pull him back and explain to him what to do.. In front of the crush - If they accept? BEST. FUCKING. DECISION. TREAT HIM GOOD. - If they reject? Screw them, I'm taking their place <3 HELP - Overall, he doesn't understand but comes to appreciate these feelings and confesses in the most awkward way possible.

Tsukishima Kei!! - He catches onto it immediately once he realizes that he sees them as something more. - Tsukishima notices that he wants to hang out with them more. He texts them more and even lets Yamaguchi invite them to walk home... WITHOUT any complaints - The poor guy forces these feelings deep down, though. His thought process is that if he ruins this by any means then he's done for. - He would try and find things that he hates about them... But he only falls harder. There's so much about them to love, even their flaws- he's panicking - This panic would lead to him lashing out on them, the stress built up over time and he realizes that he's fucked up. - That's how he'd confess, basically. After avoiding you for some time after, Yamaguchi pushes him to ACTUALLY do something and... It works, kinda. - Tsukishima convinces you to go with him somewhere private and he explains everything. - If they accept? HOLY. SHIT. He's not expecting that. If they don't? Then he hopes that you two can at least still be friends.

Kageyama Tobio!! - As someone else said when I had to look for other headcanons to get ideas... Best friends to lovers, exactly that - Kageyama would need to know someone to fall in love. It wouldn't be that easy for him. - But he's SUCH a dumbass with emotions, motherfucker doesn't even notice. He thinks it's another level of friendship... So how does he end up knowing? - "Kageyama... You speak about _____ quite a lot. Do you like them?" - HE'S FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, DENYING IT, RED FACED- His heart is racing and he doesn't know why for a second. But he thinks it over later and the just... Holy shit. - God knows when he'd confess, but it's not soon. DEFINITELY not soon, he's too scared to lose you. - So when he does confess, it's when you two are alone and he knows it's the right moment. Something peaceful, where he just feels safe enough to say something. - Whatever the answer, as long as he can still have you by his side then he's still happy!

Daichi Sawamura! - He'd notice over time that he feels happier around them. He gets flustered and they're just... they're so cute - Like holy shit, please... Stop smiling like that! He's getting distracted! - A few volleyballs to the face while he's looking at you as you hang out at practice. - EVERYONE can see it. EVERYONE. He's SOOOO mature about it... Not. He's like a puppy while trying to hide it. - They make him so happy... He wants to hang out with them all the time. Like he's just wrapped around their finger - His confession would be personal AND romantic.. Kind of. - He'd ask them to hang out with him after school, bring you somewhere nice and pretty, and after they hang out for a while he speaks up. - It's the most heartfelt thing they've EVER heard in your life, holy shit... Whether you accept it or not, he will accept it. He handles it maturely! Kind of- If you accept then he's super happy

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I'M SO SORRY IF THESE DON'T FIT, I HAVEN'T WATCHED HAIKYUU IN YEARS,,,,, I DON'T REMEMBER TOO MUCH ABOUT IT

#ANYWAYS I LOVE USHIJIMA #MY BELOVED #It's been over 2 years and I've always loved this man #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #daichi sawamura

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burgeoning-ambition · 2 years

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Studying and Staying Motivated When You're Mentally Ill

Mental illness is hard and I physically cannot sugar coat that. It sucks and makes things harder. But that does not mean you can't create ways to combat it.

I have struggled with neurodivergence and mental illness my whole life and it can be incredibly hard to deal with sometimes. But over that time I've found some things that have helped me stay caught up with my studies even when things feel impossible.

Of course, these are things that work for me, and may not necessarily work for others. It isn't perfect, it's just what I've found helps when I'm struggling. Try any of these tips to see if they work for you, too!

So: Here is my list of Things That Can Make Studying and Motivation a Little Bit Easier When You're Mentally Ill:

Doing a little bit is better than doing nothing. I used to really struggle with the idea that I had to either complete something fully or not start it. Don't follow that mindset. Writing a few words is better than writing nothing. Drawing bubbles to fill in with outline ideas for a paper is worth doing even if you can't actually fill the ideas in. Opening a textbook and looking over the names and page numbers of assigned sections is worth it even if you can't actually read it. Even the smallest steps in the process are steps.

Focus on the things you're interested in, if you have any classes you're interested in. The work comes easier if you're interested in what you're working on. Sometimes it can even motivate you to do a little bit of work on the subjects you don't care about. I know it's tempting to try and force yourself to finish the assignment from that class you hate, but that's rarely going to work. Do the things you care about first, and then move on to the harder/more boring/"I hate this class" stuff. I know this sounds a little counterintuitive, but in my experience during depressive slumps it's far more effective to start with what you like and let that motivate you to look at what you don't.

If keeping your grades up is important: Drop any supplemental work that you're only doing as an add-on to existing work. When motivation is low it's hard to get enough energy to do both the required material for classes and any supplemental material you're doing in your personal time. If you do duolingo in your free time and continuing your streak would sap too much energy away from finishing more important tasks, stock up on streak freezes and take a break from it. If you do math practice that you won't be graded on in your spare time and it takes up a lot of your energy, skip it for a few days. The game here is clearing your schedule as much as possible so you can have more time and energy to work on actual class assignments. Recreational activities that bring your energy back up are equally important to actual schoolwork in this context. If taking a walk helps clear your head to focus on an important assignment, take a walk. If you really, truly need to keep your grades up or catch up on your grades, dropping extra material may give you the extra bit of reserved energy you need.

Go outside for a bit, and if you can't do that, use natural light. I know this sounds basic and ineffective, but it really does help. Going outside for a bit if the weather permits, opening your curtains or blinds, opening the window (again if weather permits) can all genuinely make a difference. If you start getting overwhelmed, take a break from whatever you're doing and go on a walk or sit by a window or something to engage with natural light and outside. Changing your scenery can help reset any negativity you have stewing, and sunlight really can help you feel better (just make sure not to burn!). On top of taking breaks and going outside, try and study with natural light as much as possible! Studying with my curtains open just feels better than using artificial light, and small things like that really are important when your mental health is in the gutter.

Take breaks! Feel no shame about taking breaks! Breaks are incredibly important! I've mentioned taking breaks in passing in some of the other notes, but it really is fundamental. It is not effective to just work nonstop and try and get everything done at once. It'll just sap your motivation faster, and when you have very little motivation that is exactly what you want to avoid. When I have low motivation, I give myself extra breaks to account for it. It's like having a rechargeable battery- at your most motivated, it can fully charge and you can go longer without needing to take a break to let it refill, but when you're at your least motivated, maybe it only reaches 15% of its total capacity. You need to take more breaks because you have less motivation and energy and need more chances to replenish it. Never feel guilty about taking breaks when you need them. If you work past what you have the energy to do you'll wind up with more negatives than positives. Please allow yourself to take breaks when things are too much.

Eat, drink water, and sleep. It can feel impossible to do these three things when you're struggling, but please do them. If you let water, food, or sleep fall by the wayside it will be harder to focus and harder to pick yourself back up. I don't say these things to scare or stress anyone, I say these things because they are important. Try your best to eat when you're hungry, drink water consistently (if you avoid drinking water because you don't like the taste you can always use any number of flavoring drops people sell, but try for plain water when you can), and get enough sleep. Take it slowly if you need to, gradually increasing how much you sleep/eat/drink water. Your mind and body depend on these things to work right, so if you can't do anything else, try to at least fulfill your basic needs.

I hope these help! They definitely help me. There are, of course, more tips out there (and more tips I could give!), but these cover a handful of the basics.

Asks + messages are open if anyone wants to discuss these (or anything else)!

#studyblr #self care #motivation #study motivation #study tips #mental health #advice #mental illness #support #original post #q

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malibix · 3 years

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so I've gotten into the Once Upon A Time fandom for,, Douxie related reasons (for those of you who don't know, his VA plays a character in there, a pirate might I add) and I started for Douxie and stayed for Hook (the character he plays)

My question is, would anyone be interested if I wrote things for Hook/Killian Jones?

#also i just wanna apologize that i haven't written anything new lmao #i spend a lot of my time writing on a discord server but they're never fully written pieces so i don't put them in here #I do have things and plans in the works though!!#so when i catch up in my schoolwork ill be back to writing #but yeah lmk if you guys would be interested in this!!#it wouldnt be douxie as hook it would be actual hook x reader stuff #yes i know im getting into Once late #shush you would too if you watched ToA before having ever seen Once #killian jones #douxie #Hisirdoux Casperan #toa #Tales of Arcadia

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jesswritesthat · 4 years

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hey babe! i love your writing so much!!! so i recently watched kaguya-sama: love is war and i was wondering if you could do a headcanon of kuroo, bokuto and atsumu where their crush gets sick and they visit her and she drags them into her bed to sleep with them? you can decide how it ends. thank you so much in advance if you do end up writing this! i love you and take care of youself💞

Hello lovely! Thank you so much for this, I’ve never seen Kaguya-Sama but it sounds really cute. Also take care of yourself too and I hope these are okay! Much love 💕

Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Atsumu checking up on their sick crush headcanons

>>>>—————————>

Bokuto Kōtarō:

• Has felt like he's been missing something all day but couldn't quite decipher what it was until Akaashi mentions how you're off sick.

• Thats when your phone is bombarded with ‘urgent’ messages inquiring about your wellbeing to the dramatic extent of:

[ Kou: (N/N)! You haven't answered me yet, are yOu StiLl AliVe?! ]

[ (N/n): no ]

[ Kou: Aw, can I have your cool headphones then, since you won't be needing them anymore? 😁💕 ]

[ (N/n): Wow Kou, I'll haunt your dumbass at Volleyball games for that. ]

[ Kou: Even in death, your support means everything to me. ]

• Despite his nonsense he kept updated with you throughout the school day by sending memes in hopes of raising your spirits. The most peace you got was during Volleyball Club time - the Ace too invested to message you at that point.

• At the end though he calls his team for a serious discussion and they're all expecting major improvements on their gameplay ready for Nationals.

But no.

"What can I get (N/n) to make her feel better, this is crucial. I need only good ideas!"

• They all knew about his crush on you, he wasn't exactly secretive about it but you were none the wiser. Even so, Fukurōdani offered what advice they could to their friend because like him, they cared about you too.

• "Akaashi picked up your schoolwork." Bokuto says as he walks into your room, waving the papers and placing them on your side.

"And you didn't think to take notes for me?"

"Nah, I wanted to bring you good stuff."

"Fair point."

• Bokutos likely brought everything he could find once he went home and changed/showered - he's got flowers, your favourite snacks, drinks, medicine and some movies to cure your boredom. Like how much do I owe you???

He's says it's fine though, in return you have to be better by tomorrow.

That's not how it works Kou.

• You're both seated on your bed watching some shitty movie when you start getting a bit sleepy and you just want warmth.

"Can you give me a hug Kōtarō? I just need a hug, I know how weird that sounds..."

• Doesn't even think twice about it, he practically tackles you onto the covers which elicits lovely giggles from you - the potential of him getting sick too isn't even considered, he's just focused on being with you and making you feel better.

• His arms are so warm and they’re beautiful, you forgot how toned he is and you grow so comfortable in his embrace. He’s also really relaxed about it and is calm enough to ramble on normally - except when you nuzzle against him during a cold shiver. Bokuto full on freezes mid sentence, releasing a cautious breath prior to changing the subject.

• It’s obvious he’s content with you though, and surprisingly falls asleep first which makes you laugh. Kōtarō keeps a strong but delicate hold on your body and is subconsciously receptive enough to your every move. You adjusted yourself slightly which stirred him, his voice is much huskier than before due to sleep but remains concerned.

“Can’t you sleep (Y/n)? I can-“

“I’m fine, you’re keeping me warm.”

• With a nod of understanding he’s gone again and you follow shortly afterwards, the both of you unintentionally making the nap a sleepover. Which you only realise the next morning - still in his arms even if the position has changed. You take a few minutes to enjoy it.

• Miraculously doesn't get sick, his immune system must be immortal as he's brimming with energy once he gets up. His radiance is actually contagious as you feel much better in yourself too and his vibrant attitude really motivates you for the day despite being physically exhausted from beating the flu.

• "Your partner is going to be blessed if you bring them breakfast, I mean talk about amazing." You comment as he brings up a plate that he’d crafted in your kitchen, which is surprisingly decent. You suppose he must keep his body fit somehow.

"My crush will have to do for now."

"Wait I - ah, you have a crush on me?"

"Hah, didn't you know? I never tried to hide it or anything."

Kuroo Tetsurō:

• Notices your absence immediately, he's observant by nature but especially where his crush is concerned and he isn't afraid to contact you before class starts.

• "Hey (Y/n), it's Kuroo, are you running late today?"

"Hnn, I'm not gonna make it. I tried but I feel awful - Sickness: 1, (L/n): 0." Already by the grogginess in your voice he can tell you're under the weather and winces at the sound of you stifling a cough.

"Ah geez, go to bed would you? And drink plenty of water, I'll inform the teachers and everything."

"Thanks Tetsurō, I owe you one."

• Will message you at regular intervals throughout the day regarding your health with cute little reminders. You were on his mind frequently, he’s lowkey worried okay?

[ Tetsu: Drink water, and eat breakfast if you can. ]

[ (Y/n): Yeah yeah I have, go learn something. ]

[ Tetsu: Why are you replying? Shouldn't you be sleeping it off - I don't want your germs. ]

[ (Y/n): Sharing is caring. ]

[ Tetsu: Oya? It took a cold for you finally admit you care, so is it gonna take a pandemic to say you love me? 😏 ]

[ (Y/n): 🖕🏻]

• Is actually considerate enough to tell you he'll swing by after practice, and asks if you want anything from the shop so you give basics like water and tablets. Comes equipped with the extra notes he's taken from all of your shared classes and requested papers from teachers in those you don't, so you're not falling behind.

• Aside from the bare minimum you requested, he chucks your favourite snacks on your desk stating that it’s important to keep morale high too. Liar. He just wanted to do something nice for you.

• Checks your temperature despite your protests of not being a child, he only does this because it vexes you and Kuroo finds that cute. As a silent apology for teasing the Hell out of you, he’ll make you some tea and you both get lost in conversation.

• Notices you’re starting to doze off, rest you should’ve had instead of texting everyone - but ensuring everything is fine, he’s about to stealthily exit until your fingers grasp his wrist and tug him back slightly.

"Stay Tetsurō..."

"You'll likely regret that request once you wake up."

"S'ok, it's you."

• The strength you have when tugging him into bed with you catches him completely off guard and he’s actually blushing - doesn’t know what to say but knows he has to at least maintain some composure.

“So uh, never knew you wanted me this badly.”

“Ugh shut up dumbass, I can feel your rapid heartbeat from here.”

“Right...”

• Kuroo goes all shy, you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist and are comfortably leaning against his side and he absentmindedly runs his fingers soothingly up and down your arm to settle his own nerves.

• It’s peacefully silent, simply enjoying one another’s company before he hears your muffled sniffles indicating you’ve fallen asleep and a soft smile graces his lips. If you were his, then he’d definitely kiss your forehead, and lips to be honest, but the fact you aren’t leaves him with a disappointed sigh.

• You both end up taking a nap, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms and noses practically touching which startled the Captain - Kuroo literally falling off of your bed with a yelp much to your amusement. Afterwards, he departs suggesting you get more rest, get better soon and he’ll see you at school next week.

• At least that was the plan, which altered with the text exchange the following morning.

[ Kuroo: Sharing is not caring, I wanted your snacks not your sickness! ]

[ (Y/n): RIP us. 💀 ]

[ Tetsu: You owe me one remember? I've got the house to myself this weekend so would you like to suffer together? I have blankets, entertainment and food. ]

[ (Y/n): Beats sniffling alone, I'll bring the tissues and drugs. ]

• So, you went over with a trail of sneezing in your wake and ended up snuggled with Kuroo under a blanket with a variety of games gracing the TV as you skilfully passed around the tissues. Aside from being ill, spending time like this with him was perfect.

• "Sickness: 2, (L/n) and Kuroo: 0..."

"No, Kuroo: 1.”

"How so? You K.O. a sneeze or something?"

"I got to spend the day with you didn't I? That counts as a win in my book."

"Tch careful, anyone would think the Scheming Captain cares~"

"I do smartass, I care about you a lot (Y/n)..."

Miya Atsumu:

• Atsumu wasn't one to act needy in any way, the only excuse for him to contact you in regards to your absence was to do it with a remark and hope you'd elaborate.

[ Atsumu: Yo, are ya ditching me to survive English on my own? That's cold (Y/n) 😭 ]

[ (Y/n): Sorry 'Tsumu, I'm too busy dying to care rn. Have a fun missing me loser. ]

[ Atsumu: Hah you wish, you alright tho? ]

• You're good friends but he's never really expressed genuine concern about you before, not verbally anyway. You thought the final "K" after you'd told him you were gonna rest would be the end of it.

So you were beyond surprised when he rocked up to your house later that evening.

• It took everything you had not to mock him for his embarrassed stature, solely flustered by the fact you'd seen him so considerate. Admittedly you were also exhausted and probably couldn't think of a snarky reply anyway.

• "What's up? Was there homework or - ugh, or something?"

"Huh? Oh I dunno. But uh, I got 'Samu to make you some Okayu, and a Umeboshi Tea since it's good for colds and stuff."

• Totally pestered Osamu all day to help him make you something and had to do stupid favours in return but Atsumu will deny it if you ever ask.

• “I love how you don’t care what you look like when you have guests over.”

“Take your stupid backhanded compliments and shove them up your pretty litt-“ You bite back, flipping him off in the process while Atsumu remains proudly victorious.

“Nah ah, is that any way to speak to the man who brought you dinner?”

“It’s the way to speak to the man whose currently annoying me.”

“You’re welcome, this is revenge for ditching me in class gorgeous~”

• Despite how irritating he could be, Atsumu stuck around for a bit to make sure you ate everything he’d brought and taken the appropriate medication.

• “Oh yeah, I brought that movie you were talking about the other day. Figured it might pass the time a bit.”

“Thank you! I’ll give it back once I’m better - thank you so much ‘Tsumu.”

Your excitement was endearing, and he had to collect himself a bit since admiring such little quirks was out of the question - his crush was bad enough as it is.

“Wanna watch it now? I haven’t got anything to do so I can give you spoilers.”

“Sounds good - and not a word!”

• You spent the afternoon watching the film and playfully wrestling the blonde in order to shut him up whenever he made an attempt to spoil it - he would never, but provoking you was too funny.

• You settle down later on, putting on a mindless tv show for background noise before collapsing onto your bed with groan. Atsumu raising a smug brow at your exhausted state as he threw his jacket on.

• "Wanna sleep with me?" It was innocent, at least you didn’t think much of it then.

"Do I what now?" He was smirking, thankful that your panic left you oblivious to the blush crawling up his neck at the mere insinuation alone.

"Sleep wit- ohh I did not think that through! I meant sleep in my bed, next to me, to help me drift off. Maybe it's the sleepiness or medicine but I really want you Atsumu..."

"Not helping your case at all." Again he smugly responded, dropping his jacket to the floor with a sly smile.

"Stop smirking and just hug me okay? Then you can leave and tease me about this later."

• Atsumu isn't awkward about it, subduing his nerves enough to pull you into his arms as he sits up - dutifully ignoring the butterflies in his stomach due to your close proximity and the intoxicating smell of your hair.

• Atsumu becomes unintentionally soft, his fingers slowly begin to glide through your hair and he hesitates when he feels the hum of contentment you release before continuing. Your whole body just relaxes against his and he subconsciously does the same, not even realising he was this tense around you - was his body always like that in your general presence?

• As you start quietly talking about nothing and everything, he notices a weakness - you’re a lot more open when drowsy and god he wants to take advantage but knows you’ll remember the questions he asked and murder him for it when you’re able.

• Intead he attempts to protect any dignity he thinks he has left with you - jokes on him, it’s absolutely none. You guys are way past that level and he knows it.

“You better get healthy quick, not that I care but English is really borin’ on my own ya know?”

"The people you truly care about must be really lucky to have you 'Tsumu..." The mumble is enough to make him roll his eyes, but he waits until you’re asleep to reply.

"Yeah... you are..."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

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morizoras-cave · 4 years

Text

Big Smile (Request)

Tom Hiddleston x Teen!Co-star!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Request Description: maybe some Tom Hiddleston who is close to reader cause hes like her mentor and shes a very happy person, goofy and silly as well but nothing can make her cry. Like, it's genuinely hard to make her cry so maybe him seeing her cry for the first time? and it's pretty bad? maybe its cause she goes to a normal high school along with a catch up high school (basically a school where u go to if youre SERIOUSLY behind) and the pressure is way too much for her to handle and her emotions exploded? ty!!

Warnings: depression, anxiety about school, stress

(A/N): im very excited to be going on vacation!! dont worry ill still update, im just going to another city nothing too big (of course with the ‘rona still out here). I wrote like half of this on my phone btw so if anything looks weird that’s why

“Why would you say it like that?” you laughed loudly, falling back on your bed. Tom giggled too, watching as you got into a laughing fit.

“I’m just demonstrating that you can say each line differently!” he defended, but your laughter didn’t falter. Tom smiled and shook his head, waiting for you to be done. “Can you hurry that up, we have a couple more lines to go through,” he joked.

You held your stomach and shook your head. Finally, the laughter died down and you tried desperately not to start it again, as Tom continued helping you with the script. You forced your mouth into a frown, but that only reinforced your need to laugh.

Tom looked and saw your expression and sighed, making you laugh again.

“This is impossible,” he muttered, but he was smiling. He thought you were so incredibly sweet and bright, although lacking a little seriousness.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you finally stopped laughing AGAIN, “we’re done. Those were all the lines I had questions about.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” you said and both of you stood up. Tom grabbed his jacket and his bag from the counter of your hotel room. He smiled at you and hugged you as a farewell.

“See you on set tomorrow,” and then he was out of your room. You smiled softly thinking about how much fun you two had, but the sweet moment was over far too fast.

You had school. You’d never been a top student or anything, but before this whole movie-thing you’d been able to keep up. A couple of weeks ago you started Catch-Up-High-School, which you’d been required to start, since you grades had all dropped.

And since then you’d felt awful. You felt so stupid and useless. And on top of that, you were stressed. With both regular high school teachings and catch up school, you seemed to spend every waking moment working, either on the movie or on school, and you’d only sleep once you were done. Which could take a while.

It was getting to you. You were phenomenal at hiding it, truthfully. Because your personality was too bright and blinding for anyone to see anything behind it.

You weren’t one to cry, but you felt it behind your eyes, constantly. All day, when you remembered your school situation, it started coming. You never cried, not when watching movies or reading books, you didn’t even really cry when you were sad. The stress was simply getting to you.

You pulled out both your math books, both regular high school and catch up high school, which you had neatly tucked away when Tom came, and started doing your assignments for the day.

Your head hurt, as you did it, and it was so hard for you to understand. You wished you could ask Tom for help, but you couldn’t tell him. It was simply too embarrassing. ‘Hey Tom, I’m too stupid for regular school, please help?’ What would he even think of you?

You hadn’t even done your assignments for long, when you started crying. You were just writing the answer to a question, when a tear slid down your face. You wiped it away as quick as it came and continued.

But so did your tears. You cried silently as you worked, ignoring them, eventually not even wiping them away. You were just trying to get through it, chewing through your lip.

Just as you failed to figure an assignment out, your pencil broke on the paper, and you threw it away from your, putting your head in your hands. Then you sobbed, and you weren’t trying to ignore it, you were doing it. You were sitting there, and all of your focus was on the seemingly never ending stream of tears from your eyes.

God, what kind of person are you if you can’t even do your catch up school work? You felt so unbelievably heavy, heart wrenching and tingling.

Meanwhile Tom had hauled down a cab, making it about a third of the way to his meeting, when he realized he’d left his phone at your place. He sighed and asked the driver to drive back to your hotel, knowing he’d need it.

Tom drove back there, and then stepped out of the cab, telling the driver to wait for him. He entered and pulled out his keycard. Your room had had two keycards and you’d given him your second one, which had made his heart melt.

He walked down the corridor, reading the room numbers, and then reached your door. He grabbed the handle and scanned the keycard, effectively cracking open the door.

And there you were. Tom blinked rapidly, refusing to believe that that was you, so immersed in your own crying that you hadn’t heard him come in. That couldn’t be you, not the smiling, laughing, happy Y/n he knew. You were sitting there so dark and alone, hugging your legs and wailing.

You never cried. Never. It had gotten to the point where him and his coworkers had discussed it, whether you were some robot or something. But you were crying. You were alone.

“Y/n?”

His voice made you flinch and you didn’t have to look at him, to know you’d exposed yourself. You, although knowing it was useless, wiped your tears, before raising your head.

Tom was heartbroken. He’d never thought about how he’d actually feel once he finally did see you cry. But it was such a gut wrenching image, something he could feel in both his stomach and heart and throat.

“What’s going on?” He asked. You shook your head. He simply stepped inside and saw your regular high school math book, immediately knowing you were probably stressed. “Do you need help with your homework?”

You laughed bitterly, another tear sliding down your cheek. Tom walked to you, sitting down next to you, so he could wipe away the tear.

“What’s wrong? Come on, talk to me.. What happened?” He searches your eyes.

“I’m just stressed, Tom, it’s stupid,” you avoided his gaze. Tom knew it wasn’t stupid. If it was you wouldn’t be balling your eyes out.

“So, let me help you with it,” He heard how his voice was shaking.

“Tom, no.”

“Yes-“

“No!”

Silence. Tom pulled away from you. He was simply shocked. You weren’t you. He closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, voice breaking, as you started crying again. When you yelled at Tom, you felt your heart withering. What a horrible feeling.

“I’m sorry for yelling. It’s just- I feel so useless. All the time. I’m failing school! I mean, for God’s sake, I have mandatory catch-up-school. Do you know how embarrassing that is? God, how can I be so stupid?”

Tom finally understood why you were crying. Why you were so stressed, why you were crying like that.

It was tough.

“You’re not stupid, Y/n,” you immediately shook your head at his attempt to console you, “You’re not! I’m serious. You’re smarts come from your understanding of people, and your talents in acting and everything you love. Not from your schoolwork. Your grades are not your worth. You’re the smartest kid I’ve ever met! I mean it.”

Your crying turned to sniffles and you finally nodded. You agreed. You hadn’t felt so sure of yourself in a long time. A small smile found your lips.

“Thank you, Tom, I-I really needed that.”

“Oh, of course, N/n,” he mumbled and pulled you into a hug, burying your head in his chest. You wrapped your arms around him.

“Now my offer still stands. Do you want my help doing the homework?” This time you nodded, and the two of you spent the rest of the day doing all of your homework.

When you were finished, you apologised profusely, but Tom just smiled and said he’d do it any day. Every day onward while you were working on that movie, he’d ask you after shooting if you needed any help, and always insisted it was his pleasure. With Tom around, you never had to feel useless again.

#avengers cast x reader #avengers x reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers #avengers cast x teen!reader #marvel #marvel x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x teen!reader #tom hiddleston x reader

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mortedeveles · 4 years

Text

A Search at Midnight.

SUMMARY: Who knew that a ill and sleepwalking Present Mic, and a pair of lost glasses would be the start of your love story witth Tokoyami Fumikage?

PAIRING: Tokoyami Fumikage x gn!reader

THEME: fluff, pining, awkward teenagers <3 [ONE-SHOT]

TW: I don’t think there’s anything?

a/n: Please read! this is a personal and writing update.

hey guys, i known i’ve been MIA for a while. school is kicking my ass majorly, i just got a C in one of my subjects (im usually a straight A student) :’) wishing i could attend therapy and focusing all my time on schoolwork and very little for myself, much less for writing. but ya know, life’s wack. old news. due to this, i can’t promise frequent content. i only have a few planned works that will be released. on another note, regarding my writing, i will be publishing about 2-3 drabbles in the upcoming weeks! i know my interaction is prob gon be low because i’ve been gone for a while ;; but please continue to support me if you enjoy my content <33 FANTASY WEEK has been postponed until further notice. however, we do have a new writing event coming up on late October! will release more information later on.

sorry for the rant :( i think that’s all and without further ado, please like, reblog, follow and/or comment if you enjoy! supporting content creators is extremely important! love y’all <3

(will be using banners made by ME from now on. do NOT REPOST. this one-shot is kinda over the place,, may have some inaccuracy with present mic’s quirk ;; also, this one-shot is shorter than usual, but i hope you enjoy!)

The loud blaring of sirens and shouts snap you awake. One moment, you were snuggling your pillow, silently asleep and the next you're scrambling to find your slippers, slapping your glasses on, and racing outside of your U.A Alliance dorm.

You meet the eyes of your best friend Tokoyami, and rush to his side, eyes darting to observe your surroundings. The rest of class 1A is in the same hallway as you, kids murmuring nervously. Everyone has messy bed hair and ratty sleep clothing.

The sirens that shook you awake went silent and within a few seconds, tore into the silence with another screech. Everyone yelps and you flinch.

''What is it?!'' Everyone begins to murmur and you find yourself clinging to Tokoyami's arm, nervous and half-asleep.

He's been your closest friend since you arrived at U.A. and the two of you share a mutual bond of trust. With just sharing a glance, the two of you know you have to stick together.

''This is not a drill!'' Aizawa's voice booms- you're not sure from where it’s coming from, ''Class 1A, head to the exit!''

Even though your class consists of heroes in training, emphasis on the in-training part, you're still human and react with fear.

Sleep-deprived and overly hyper teens race past you, and while you cling to Tokoyami's side as the two of you rush forward, someone slaps your glasses off your face. It slightly stings.

You don't even register it, adrenaline is pumping through your veins and all you can focus on is reaching the exit of the dorms. The sirens are so loud your ears are straining at the sound.

Eventually, everyone calms down and Iida, as the good class president he is, turns the chaotic mess of your class into organized students standing in rows.

Your class is standing in the green areas of the campus, the sirens had gone silent a while ago and everyone is fidgety and nervous. What had just happened?

''Alright, class 1A!'' he adjusts his glasses and acting on instinct, you raise your hand to touch yours, only to notice they're gone. Iida continues talking but you block him out; focusing solely on finding your glasses.

''No, no...'' you murmur, and Tokoyami notices when your hand releases his arm. He frowns and watches as you murmur to yourself and pat down your shirt and shorts.

''Aizawa-sensei will be here shortly,'' you manage to catch a few of Iida's words. ''It seems that a...'' he falters. ''Present Mic is ill and is suffering a few symptoms. He's been affected by an unknown quirk, which causes him to release his sonic scream at any time.''

Everyone begins to murmur bewilderedly at this, sharing glances and looks.

''That's right,'' Aizawa stepped out of the dorms and stood next to Iida. The night was dark and you could barely make out Aizawa's figure.

''And Present Mic...'' he winced. ''Tends to sleepwalk. That's why you heard the sonic screams in your dorms. They're highly dangerous, which is why I ordered you all to leave the dorms and stay away from his range.

''Now,'' your sensei sighs and you realize how his posture was slumped. He was exhausted. ''You can all return to bed. Present Mic has been awoken and returned to the U.A. facilities.'' A classmate or two snickered at this.

''Alright, you heard sensei!" Despite the time, Iida was rigid and instructive as ever. ''Off to bed! Class 1A, please form a line! Sero, please wrap up Mineta, we don't want any issues this early.'' Sero cheers in agreement and you smile as you hear Mineta shriek.

One you were in a line, in front of Tokoyami, you groan and lean back into him. There seemed to be some commotion upfront and the dorms were still closed.

''Tokoyami...'' you murmured nervously. He frowned in concern at your tone and leaned closer.

''What's wrong, L/N?''

''I lost my glasses,'' you grimace. ''I was about to tell you earlier but I wanted to listen to Aizawa-sensei. Do you think you can help me find them once we step into the dorms?''

Tokoyami's body is screaming for sleep, but he knows he'll do anything for you. So he quickly nods.

''Of course,'' he spares a glance at the quickly advancing line. ''It seems that the dorms have been opened. We should head inside and find your glasses.''

''Yeah,'' you smile softly- the smile that always makes Tokoyami's heart skip a beat and walk at his side. ''Thanks, Toko. I really appreciate it.''

He hums in response, feeling his throat clench as his heart performs an acrobatic show in his ribcage. Tokoyami wonders if you notice how his heart goes euphoric every time you smile at him.

Once the two of you are inside the dorms, Tokoyami summons Dark Shadow; he was a bit fearful at the start, but the lighting of the dorms is far enough to keep Dark Shadow on reins.

After minutes of searching and several grumbles of annoyance, the two of you find nothing. Well, the search was mainly of Tokoyami and Dark Shadow, since you weren't able to see much without your glasses.

''Oh man...'' you sigh and slump your shoulders. ''I'm going to have to buy new glasses.''

Tokoyami frowns at your disappointment and his eyes catch a gleam of silver on the ground. ''Wait,'' he steps away and grabs the glasses off the floor. He grimaces as he presents them to you. They're cracked, twisted, and definitely not wearable anymore.

''Oh no...'' you frown as you hold them in your hands.

Your sadness unsettles him; and before Tokoyami can even close his beak, a string of words escape them.

''I'll help you.''

Slightly frightened, you flinch before looking at him. ''How? You don't have to pay for them Toko, they're my responsibility. I appreciate the thought, you're very sweet.''

He feels his feathers ruffle at your compliment and he's thankful you aren't wearing your glasses otherwise you'd see his flustered face.

''I-I,'' the boy clears his throat. ''Ahem. I can help you take your notes and so on until you receive a new pair of glasses.''

You gasp and grin gleefully. Your body is racing towards him before you can even blink and you wrap your arms around his back, squeezing him as you bury your cheek into his chest.

Tokoyami falters in surprise and nearly squawks- thankfully, he's able to shove it down his throat before he hesitantly returns your hug.

''Of course, Y/N. You are very dearest to me and I would do anything for you.'' God damn it! It seems that he can't control his body tonight! The romantic confession leaves his body and nearly takes his soul alongside.

His words make you freeze and he internally curses at himself, knowing he's ruined your friendship.

''...Really?'' your voice is barely higher than a whisper and Tokoyami finds himself slowly nodding.

''I like you too, Tokoyami,'' there's a soft smile playing on your lips that makes his knees weak.

''Well,'' he diverts his gaze from your smiling face. Tokoyami knows that if he stares for too long, he'll never be able to stop. ''That's-that's wonderful.''

You laugh quietly at his sudden bashfulness and tug his hand towards the dorm's elevator.

''C'mon, we should head to sleep.'' Tokoyami feels impossibly happy as he walks with you, hand in hand, and shoulders brushing against each other. He doesn't think he's ever felt this happy before.

And after the two of you step into the elevator and the doors are about to close, you press a soft but brief cheek on his feathery cheeks before returning your gaze to the floor. The doors slam shut with a ding! and the two of you are blushing impossibly hard.

Needless to say, losing your glasses is the best thing that's happened to both of you. Who knew that a pair of missing glasses would result in a romantic confession from your best friend?

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authorialarcanist · 3 years

Text

Monster Collector (Tales of Symphonia)

Summary: When Lloyd and Colette drag the party off to complete the Monster Book, Raine can't help but wonder about what her students are thinking.

Written for Colloyd Week 2021 Day 2: Sidequest.

Gen, crack.

—

“Lloyd, watch out!”

“Right!” Lloyd leapt out of the way of a hammer blow from a massive bear, forewarned just in time by Colette’s shout. “It’ll take more than that to beat me, you know! Hurricane Thrust!” Air burst out from his sword in every direction as he jabbed back at the bear, sending it stumbling away. “Thanks, Colette! It’s open now!”

“Right!” Colette darted forward, multicolored wings carrying her to her target before it could regain its balance, and plowed headfirst into its fuzzy stomach. Nonplussed by the impact, the monster closed its arms to catch the girl in a painful bear hug, only for Colette to raise one of her chakrams in celebration, leaving a deep gash in its face where it had leaned in. “Yay, I got something! Okay, Lloyd, that’s everything I can get from this one!”

Lloyd pumped his fist, and shouted “You two can finish it off now!”

Raine Sage, half-elf teacher and current world-saving tagalong, raised an eyebrow at her compatriot. Zelos shrugged back.

“I don’t get it any more than you do, but I guess we’re doing this! Get ready!”

“I suppose it’s just as well… Now!” Raine raised her staff above her, and light gathered around Tethe’Alla’s Chosen.

“Plasma Blade!” With a shout, Zelos charged at the bear sword-first. Raine’s magic propelled him easily into and past his target, causing it to collapse to the ground in pain. To add insult to injury, a bolt of lightning struck its prone form a moment later, bringing the battle to an end.

“Annnd… there we go! Colette, what did you get from it?” By the time Raine looked back at her students, Lloyd had already pulled out a red book and a pen, and was examining some sort of herb Colette was holding out to him. “Alright! That’s one more down!”

“That’s great, Lloyd!” Genis, Raine’s younger brother, ran up to Lloyd from where he’d been waiting in the back line. “Only… Does that mean you’re going to tell us what we’re actually doing here, now?”

“Hm?” Lloyd looked up from putting the finishing touches on the book. “What do you mean?”

“I mean here, Lloyd!” Genis splayed his arms wide, and gestured at the mountainous terrain around the group. “You dragged us to this random patch of mountain, and never told us why!”

“Oh! Right! Whoops, I forgot about that!” Lloyd scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “Well… Colette, why don’t you tell them?”

“Uh-huh!” Colette stepped forward with a wide smile. “See, when we were in Izoold the other day, I heard a rumor that there’ve been sightings of a reeeaaaally big doggy up in these mountains! Apparently it’s been scaring goatherds and stuff! And there’s only one more entry we haven’t filled up in the Monster List, so I thought maybe it was the one we’re missing!” Lloyd nodded along beside her, and held up the empty page in demonstration.

Raine gave her two students a flat look. “…Lloyd. Is that really why we’re here?”

“Yeah! I mean, it’s really close to done, so we wanted to fill in that last slot!”

Raine sighed. “I’m loath to say this, since you’re apparently invested in your schoolwork for once, but… is this really the time? Aren’t there more important things we should be doing right now?”

“Eh. Kratos can wait!” Lloyd waved his left hand dismissively. “I mean, he’s like a thousand years old or something, right? A couple days should be like a minute to him! We can go and break Origin’s Seal once we’ve finished up with this!”

Suddenly, everybody jumped at a loud crashing sound. They turned to the source, to see Presea standing over a felled tree. The trunk was now bridging a gap that led to the path further up the mountain. “…Getting the Eternal Sword, and reuniting the worlds. Is less urgent than filling an empty page…?”

“I mean, yeah!” Lloyd nodded without a trace of irony. “Who knows what this place’ll look like once we’ve reunited the worlds, right?”

“Uh-huh!” Colette quickly backed him up. “And anyways, once we go to meet Kratos, we’ll have to deal with—mmmph!” Lloyd quickly covered her mouth. The two shared a meaningful look before he let go. “…Um, whoops! Ignore that, hehe!”

“Alright, what are you two hiding from us? Annnd… yoink!” Taking advantage of the brief distraction, Zelos leaned over and snatched the Monster List out of Lloyd’s free hand.

“Wh- hey! Give that back!” Lloyd dove at Zelos, trying to grapple for the purloined book, but his face met the ground instead as the Chosen leapt out of the way.

“Let’s see, here… No. 234, Meredy… No. 235, Abyssion, man that guy was an asshole… No. 236, Z—“ Zelos cut off with a choking sound, all the blood draining from his face.

“Hmm? What is it, Zelos?” Raine walked to Zelos, intending to check the list herself.

“…Hey, Lloyd? Hunny? Bud?”

Lloyd gulped. “Y…yeah?”

“Why do Ihave an entry in the Monster List?”

“Ehe…heh…”

Raine leaned over Zelos’ shoulder. Sure enough, there it was: a little, surprisingly well-drawn, sketch of Zelos facing the reader with orange wings spread behind him. Located at the Final Seal… Strong against lightning and light elements… Drops… “Zelos, were you hiding a Mystic Symbol from us?”

“What? No!” Zelos dropped the book in a panic. “I haven’t got anything like that, promise!”

“Hrm. Nevertheless, this is certainly odd. Lloyd…” Raine wheeled on her student, the righteous fury of a scorned teacher at her fingertips ready to be called. “Have you been writing fake entries to fill space…?”

“Wait! Hold on, Professor!” Colette stepped in front of Raine, shielding Lloyd from her wrath. “Lloyd hasn’t been cheating, I promise! It’s just… a reeeally long story, okay?”

Raine held Colette’s gaze for several long moments, but the girl didn’t seem to just be covering for Lloyd. Raine sighed. “Fine. But we’d better get an explanation once this is over, alright?”

“Ehehe…” Colette wilted and gave a sheepish smile. “A-anyways, let’s just keep going. We still need to find that doggy, right Lloyd?”

“R-right!” Lloyd, climbed back to his feet, and grabbed the Monster List from where it lay. “Come on, everybody! I’m pretty sure we’re almost there!”

Raine watched with a pensive expression as he clambered over the felled tree. Her students had changed a lot over the course of their journey, but… she wondered if they’d changed faster than she’d realized.

———

The group was resting at the peak of the mountain. After much searching, they’d at last found their errant beast; now, they were just waiting for Genis to prepare a meal to restore their energy.

Raine watched as Lloyd and Colette dance around, twirling each other by both hands and singing “Hun-dred per-cent! Hun-dred per-cent!”

Regal sat down next to her. “They certainly seem to be enjoying themselves.”

“Yes.” Raine nodded absent-mindedly. “For all that they’ve grown, I suppose they arestill children.”

“Hm.” The two sat and watched in silence for a moment before Regal spoke again. “You’re still thinking about what happened earlier, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Raine replied. “Did you notice? Those two are incredibly in sync when they fight, like they’ve been fighting together for years instead of months. And… Every so often, I’ve noticed them looking at each other and giggling, like there’s some secret that only they are privy to.”

“…” Regal raised his eyebrow. “…Are you certain they’re not just—“

“I thought that at first, too! But now, I’m not so certain. I just… I’m their teacher. It’s my job to notice and step in if they’ve gotten involved in something strange.”

“It’s a good impulse, Raine.” Regal awkwardly shifted his handcuffs so he could pat her on the shoulder. “But… those two have proven themselves time and again, right? That’s why we’re following them.” He met Raine’s eyes, a serious expression on his face. “As adults, it’s our shared responsibility to be there for them, yes. But it’s also our responsibility to recognize when they’re starting to spread their wings and fly without our help. It’s our responsibility to trust them, and give them space, when that time comes. Whatever those two know, I don’t believe they would ever use it for ill.”

“Perhaps you’re right.” Raine watched as the two in question grabbed Sheena and pulled her merrily into their dance. Whatever was going on there, they clearly still cared about all of their friends being happy. Maybe it was time to sit back, and simply have faith in them.

…Lloyd’s face, grinning sheepishly every time he’d gotten wrapped up in some prank or work-avoiding scheme gone awry, flashed in front of her eyes.

Alas. It seemed that the habits of a teacher would not so easily fade. “…And if they areusing the power of the Eternal Sword to transcend time and space in order to turn their homework in on time?”

Regal coughed. “Then that sounds like it would be a disciplinary question for their instructor to deal with. Mirage!”

Raine’s jaw dropped as Regal’s form rapidly vanished into the distance. What happened to their shared responsibility as adults? “Regal Bryant, you get back here this instant!”

#tales of symphonia #colloydweek2021 #lloyd irving #colette brunel #raine sage

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neurodiversitysci · 5 years

Text

Where “spoonie” culture fails me

As some of you probably know, I often experience brain fog.

When in a brain fogged state, I have difficulty thinking, I move slowly, and I have difficulty doing anything. I feel tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get.

I need stimulants and caffeine to ward off this brain fog so I can function.

Thus, the concept of “low spoons” instantly appealed to me. It described how I felt, and why it felt impossible to do things when brain fog hit. Of course everything was exhausting; I ran out of spoons before I ran out of tasks that needed brain power. (My decision making and other executive functioning spoons ran out the fastest).

However, I do not have a physical illness like lupus, Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, POTS, etc. I can recover spoons, albeit too slowly. “Fork theory,” developed by a writer with depression, actually better fits my experience.

Starting when I was in college, because everything felt like too much, I started cutting out everything possible so I could focus on my schoolwork. I stopped playing violin, drawing, fiction writing/worldbuilding, reading for fun, and all but the most minimal self care (e.g., showering and getting dressed).

The same pattern has persisted to this day. Self care, activities of daily living, seeing friends, and engaging in soul-nourishing activities I mercilessly cut from my day. Of course, I’m suffering the consequences.

My life strategy has been: follow my strengths, which are in school and work areas of life, ignore my weaknesses as much as possible, and spend my energy on only the most important school and work related things, cutting as much as possible out of my life to do so, whatever the costs. This spoonie mentality made sense--I did have more energy-consuming things than energy a lot of the time

Right now, I’m on leave from graduate school, with no classes, no work, nothing to do but work on learning all those executive functioning and other skills I missed out on and fell so far behind in. I always wanted to stop time so I could catch up, and here I am, as close to that as I’ll ever get.

Yet still I struggle to do the most basic things like get dressed and out of the house on time. Because, unfortunately, there’s no structure telling me where I should be and what I should be doing when. I have the exhausting task of deciding that for myself.

Let me explain one crucial reason why I struggle, even with plenty of time. I developed the habit of ignoring messes as they built up around me, because I didn’t have time to clean up. Dishes in the sink? I’ll come back to them later. Wipe down the table? Sweep the floor? Later. Put away that clutter on my desk or surrounding the computer? Later. Take a shower? Later. Take a walk? Later.

However, when surrounded by visual clutter, I’m overwhelmed and can’t think. Just being at home drains my spoons. It’s exhausting to cook because I have to find or wash dishes first. I feel depressed by being in such ugly surroundings. My mind feels sluggish because I’ve sat in a computer chair all day, haven’t walked or felt sunshine on my skin.

Right now, I do have the time. As soon as I notice a piece of clutter or a sinkful of dishes, I can literally clean up immediately, with no bad consequences. Yet my brain still tells me “you don’t have time right now, you should be doing more important work, come back to this later.” I still have the habit of looking, feeling discouraged, and walking away. The habit no longer serves me. It may even have hurt me as well as helped me before.

As a result, I never learned to self care. I never learned to do things that would get back energy, like moving around, listening to music, talking to friends and family, or creating something. I’m still figuring out what activities even restore my spoons. And often, as with leaving my home and walking, these are the last things I want to do. They are true fork activities.

TL;DR: trying to conserve my spoons has actually reduced my spoons.

I expand my supply of spoons only by using them all up, without going over budget. My brain builds up cognitive spoons like an athlete builds muscle (only, much more slowly).

That “sweet spot” of spoon use is ridiculously hard to find, and I think I’ve erred on the side of too little.

So when I read this passage from Ned Hallowell’s website, it hit me like a lightning bolt:

People who are struggling sometimes assume they need to cut down the challenge in their life. What we have learned is that people with ADHD and associated issues need challenge to thrive in their life, perhaps even more than other people. The trick is helping our clients find the right challenge or as Dr. Hallowell says, the right difficult. Not enough challenge and people with ADHD become bored, the wrong type of challenge and they become overwhelmed.

This is my problem. I’ve been trying to cut down the level of challenge when I need to consider both the amount and the type of challenge. My strategy was “spend as few spoons as possible” rather than “spend your spoons as much on your life priorities as possible.”

With all the emphasis on self-care and conserving spoons on Tumblr, I bet I’m not the only person with ADHD to make this mistake.

From this new perspective, saying no is still just as important. People are still always trying to waste your spoons.

(Caveat/YMMV disclaimer: That said, I understand many of us may not have enough control over our lives and especially workplaces to prevent this, which will affect where you put your spoons. It will be even harder to find that “sweet spot” and you may have to rely on “conserving spoons,” at least sometimes).

TL;DR: be careful with “spoon theory” and make sure you build on your supply of spoons, not shrink it.

Disclaimer: None of this applies to people with physical illnesses who really can’t regenerate spoons no matter how much they move, how much sunlight they get, how comfortable they are in their living space, how little visual clutter surrounds them, and so on.

8/13/19

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inkedstarlight · 4 years

Text

Bittersweet: Chapter Five

Summary: College is kicking Nesta’s ass, so she goes to her T.A., Tomas, for some extra help. Note: Read it on AO3 here! Bittersweet Masterlist Warnings: N/A

October

It was only a couple weeks into the fall semester, and it was already hell.

Nesta was drowning in schoolwork, whether it be essays or presentations or hour-long projects. She had exams every damn week, so she was at the campus library nearly every day – typically until the sun set and the stars emerged. But even then, her night was far from over. Nesta returned home only to catch up on the work she’d put off for her paid internship. Elain got in the habit of making Nesta tea and cookies when she returned from the library on those ruthless nights. And every damn time, Nesta would wrap her arms around her sister with thanks.

This was her routine for at least four days of the week. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Needless to say, she was fucking exhausted.

The worst part, though? Nesta’s grades were precariously low despite the countless hours she’d been putting in. And she knew exactly what was causing it.

It had been a month since her father’s death, yet Nesta was still waking up in her own sweat every morning after a nightmare involving him. Of him hanging on the edge of a cliff, begging Nesta to save him. Of her dad screaming at her to kill herself. Of her mother dragging Nesta into the other room as he watches idly by.

Nesta had cursed herself for letting her father’s death affect her in this way. She’d never been one to grieve, especially not for so long. She preferred leaving it in the past. It was easier that way.

Thanks to her merciless professors, Nesta was forced to dedicate nearly all of her time to school, which forced her to neglect her internship. They required she edit ten pieces of work every week, whether it be self-published books, college publications, or online articles. Even though the internship was entirely online – a convenient bonus – she still didn’t have enough time to fulfill the weekly goals. Instead of editing ten works, she was barely scrapping by with five. She’d already received several angry emails from her boss threatening to fire her if she didn’t get her shit together.

And, well… Nesta didn’t get her shit together. On the last day of September, she received that fateful email.

Nesta Archeron,

I regret to inform you that we’ve made the difficult decision of letting you go from Scribner Editorial. While I understand you’re in the midst of earning your Master’s degree, we are looking for editors who can reach – or exceed – the necessary requirements. Unfortunately, you have been lacking in the past few weeks. It has caused other editors to pick up your slack and do more than what we ask for. We are sorry to see you go.

Sincerely,

Ressina Laurent Scribner Editorial

Nesta read and reread the email dozens of times before closing her laptop. Her head fell in her hands, her shoulders trembling with the weight she carried.

She stared out the window, the world a flurry of red, orange, and yellow. Nesta had worked so hard for this, and all for nothing. She couldn’t believe she’d fucked up such a prestigious internship. It’d paid surprisingly well, and that had been the only income she was receiving. Even with the paychecks from Scribner Editorial, Nesta’s financial situation was holding on by a thread. She had used the money her father had passed down to her to pay off the remaining student loans she owned. Her family never had much money and when it was split in three, it didn’t make much of a difference.

Just like that, Nesta no longer had a job.

Fuck.

Within ten minutes of receiving that email, she was already browsing online for job opportunities. Nesta didn’t care what it was, as long as it put steady income in her pocket. There was no way she would be able to finish school without a job.

But unfortunately, after an hour of job hunting, Nesta came up empty handed. The only person who was hiring was the large grocery store downtown. They were looking for a cashier. And there was no way in hell Nesta would even consider working there. She’d seen the crowds they got on weekends. The work were incessantly forced to talk with rude, invasive customers. Nesta was far from the realm of customer service.

Nesta was down to her last resort. She didn't give herself another second to overthink it as she picked up her phone from her desk and texted Feyre.

I was just fired. You know of any job openings in the area?

Nesta sat by her phone for a couple minutes until Feyre deigned to respond.

The only one I know if is Rita’s, the local bar. They’re looking for a bartender, have been for months.

Nesta nearly snorted out her coffee when she read the text. Feyre had to be kidding. Nesta, bartending? There was no way in hell she could be a halfway decent bartender – anyone who’s ever met Nesta knew that. She didn’t possess the charm nor the patience, and she certainly couldn’t deal with drunken men who leered at her all night. In Massachusetts, she'd had her fair share of hook-ups, men and women alike. It was night after night of mindless, drunken sex. But then she'd grown up.

Nesta looked back at the soft glow of her computer screen. There had to be something, right?

----------------------------------

Wrong.

After scrolling through hundreds of websites with job opportunities (or lack thereof), Nesta collapsed on her bed. She checked the time to find that it was nearly one in the morning. Rubbing her face, she let out a low groan. Tomorrow was Monday. Gods, why did tomorrow have to be Monday? She was so exhausted that she was feeling physically ill: sore throat, cough, stuffy nose. The urge to skip classes tomorrow was tempting.

But Nesta knew she wouldn't skip. What would she do? A whole day to herself and a head full of intrusive thoughts. The perfect ingredients for a panic attack or two.

Her gaze fell to the small stack of bills she had yet to pay – that she couldn’t pay. Bills that would only grow.

With that thought in mind, Nesta cursed Scribner Editorial as she grabbed her laptop and searched ‘Rita’s’ on an open browser.

Then, she composed an email.

----------------------------------------

The next day, Nesta finally got around to contacting her Fictional Techniques teaching assistant. It was by far her most challenging class, and she despised the professor. A big chunk of her studying was dedicated to that course alone. And since she no longer had a job – for now – she finally had the time to meet with him for extra help.

His name was Tomas. He was notoriously known as the “Hardass T.A.” Nesta had heard her peers complaining about his grading on more than one occasion. It was common knowledge that he rarely gave students any feedback on their essays but when he did, it was brutal. It was practically unheard of to receive higher than a C from Tomas.

Nesta never got below a B+, though. And though she’d never spoken with him, Tomas always gave her detailed feedback on her papers, more so than any student.

So that afternoon, she emailed him.

Tomas –

My name is Nesta Archeron and I am a student in a class you T.A. in, ENG-403 Section 003. I have a couple questions regarding the paper that was assigned on September 28th. Are you available to meet after class? It would be much appreciated.

Nesta –

Thank you for contacting me. I would love to help you one-on-one. I’ve noticed the work you hand in, and it is spectacular. Your writing is sophisticated, and you have such potential. Coming from someone who has been in the publishing business for years now, I know several companies who would publish your work. Perhaps I can mention your name the next time I meet with them. How does tomorrow work? We can walk to the library together, maybe grab a cup of coffee (on me). Let me know.

Tomas –

Thank you. That works for me. I’ll see you tomorrow.

----------------------------------

“Don’t forget to finish up those essays! They’re due on October sixth, and I won’t be accepting anything that’s turned in late. Yes, Mr. Vanserra, I’m looking at you.”

Students snickered as they filed out of the lecture hall. Nesta grabbed her backpack and made her way down the stairs to the front of the room. Tomas had his own desk in the corner where he chimed in during class discussions.

He was already smiling at her when she approached.

“Hi, Nesta,” he greeted her. He was in the midst of packing his things. “Are you ready to head out?” She nodded.

Tomas had the charm of the boy next door. His dirty blonde hair was cropped short, eyes crystal blue, and he wore an easy smile. It was hard to imagine that this was the guy who gave students Fs for not having a cover page for their essay.

"Did you want to grab a cup of coffee?" Tomas asked her as they made their way out of the classroom. He shot her a smirk "Like I said, I'll pay."

Is he flirting with me?

Nesta prayed to the gods he wasn't. Sure, he was cute and all, but she had no interest in a relationship of any kind. Including a one night stand.

Perhaps I can use that to my advantage...

Nesta dismissed the thought immediately. There was no way in hell she would flirt with her T.A. to ensure a high GPA. She wasn't going to sleep her way to the top. That's not how Nesta did things.

A little flirting never hurt anyone.

She groaned inwardly and shut out that train of thoughts.

Tomas and Nesta chatted while they trudged to the library, backpacks full of textbooks in tow. Much to Nesta’s dismay, he fired question after question at her. Tomas asked about her family to which she miraculously deflected, about her journey to become a writer, and her ambitions. Luckily, Nesta was a pro at this sort of thing, so she simply responded to every question with a question of her own. Not the most subtle approach, but it worked.

The library was teeming with students when they pushed through the doors. Pryth U’s library was a sight to behold. Its foyer was ornate with hand-painted murals, the ceiling stretching far above them. They hopped on the elevator to the third floor. When the doors opened, Nesta inhaled the sweet scent of old books. The bookcases reached the ceiling, thus requiring a rolling ladder in every stack. When Nesta and Elain had toured the campus before the semester began, Elain was quick to jump on the ladder and sing “Be Our Guest.” Her voice was horribly off key. They both burst into laughter, clutching their stomachs until the librarian found and scolded them.

Nesta was pretty sure Elain hadn't stepped foot in the library since.

“Okay,” Tomas said, setting his belongings on a corner desk. He grinned at her. “Ready to be tortured?”

Nesta offered a less than enthusiastic smile. “Let’s do it.”

---------------------------------

After a couple hours of grueling studying, Nesta hurried to the coffee shop on campus. It was five o’clock and she hadn’t had a cup of coffee since the morning. If she didn’t get caffeine in the next ten minutes, Nesta wouldn’t function properly.

The meeting with Tomas went well; he was certainly a helpful resource to have. He'd even offered to meet with Nesta again to prepare for the next big assignment, to which she graciously accepted. There may have been batting of the lashes involved.

Nesta pulled her wool scarf tighter around her neck. Even with a peacoat and a hat, she was still freezing. She let out a sigh of relief when she entered the coffee shop, grateful for the inviting warmth.

That gratefulness disappeared when she looked at the line.

It was at least a dozen people long. Nesta let out a frustrated groan, managing to put a tamper on her anger and hauled her ass to the back of the line.

After a couple minutes of drooling over the scent of fresh coffee beans, she felt a tap on her shoulder from behind.

“Nesta?” a sultry voice asked. The familiar husk in her words had Nesta turning around to see Amren standing behind her. She was staring up at Nesta through her long lashes, a smirk playing on her face. Nesta couldn’t help but admire her feral beauty: chin length hair, angular face, dark and smooth skin, and exquisite makeup.

“Hi, Amren,” Nesta said blandly. “I didn’t know you attended Pryth U.”

“I don’t,” she snorted. “I wouldn’t last one week in college. This is the best coffee around, and I don’t mind driving twenty minutes out of my way.”

Another coffee snob. Interesting.

“I’m impressed that you even remember my name. I thought you always zoned out during the dinners.”

Nesta huffed out a laugh, and a hint of surprise flashed on Amren’s face. It was gone a second later.

“It’s tempting whenever Rhysand opens his mouth, trust me,” Nesta replied dryly. “But I have my ways.”

Amren’s eyes lit up with amusement. “Oh, I’m going to like you.”

--------------------------------

That evening, Nesta strolled back to her apartment with a steaming cup of coffee and Amren’s phone number.

It was quiet when she unlocked the door, but the living room light was on. As Nesta dropped her heaving backpack and padded to the kitchen, she noticed Elain sprawled out on the couch, her nose buried in her phone.

“Did you eat already?” Nesta called out as she rummaged through the cabinets. She dug through a shelf for pasta, which was buried under Elain’s many baking ingredients.

When Elain didn’t answer after a couple seconds, Nesta poked her head into the living room. She was still scrolling through her phone, the faintest smile on her rosy face.

“Hello? Earth to Elain?”

Silence. Nesta groaned in frustration. Rounding the overstuffed sofa, she assaulted Elain’s feet with her hands.

Elain’s entire body jerked as Nesta tickled her, pained laughs escaping her mouth. Elain was easily the most ticklish person Nesta had ever met. It made it easy to get information out of her.

“Stop!” Elain gasped breathlessly, laughing all the same. “Please!”

Nesta ceded and raised her hands up in surrender. Elain scrambled off the couch and narrowed her eyes.

"What the hell, Nesta?”

“I was calling your name for a good five minutes,” Nesta crossed her arms. She nodded her head at Elain’s phone. “Anything interesting?”

Elain’s cheeks flushed, and Nesta gasped.

“Is it a guy?” Her voice was threatening. Nesta had always been protective over Elain.

“A guy? No! That’s… that’s just ludicrous. Why would a guy… I mean -"

Nesta let her sister stumble over her words with amusement. She raised a brow. “Show me what you were looking at then.”

“That’s none of your business!”

Nesta gave her no warning as she leaped at Elain.

Elain squealed in surprise, trying her best to deflect Nesta's tickling. They wrestled on the couch, Elain trying desperately to get her phone out of Nesta's reach. But Nesta was taller and stronger.

“Gerroffme -"

“Just gimme -"

“Argh!”

"Ha!" Nesta stood up and held Elain’s phone in her hand triumphantly. Elain was glaring at her from the couch, her hair sticking every which way.

Nesta looked down at the screen to see the Instagram app open. Then, she read the name of the account.

“You’re stalking Azriel?”

“No! I was just following him.”

All Nesta had to do was give her a stern look.

“Okay, fine," Elain threw her hands up. "I think he’s cute. Are you happy now?”

“No,” Nesta glowered, “I’m not happy. He’s basically Rhysand’s brother. I'm not letting another one of those boys seduce my sister.”

“Seduce?!" Elain choked. She shook her head. "They’re best friends! And what does it matter anyway?”

Nesta shot her a leveled stare. “Rhysand’s an asshole.”

“He’s just protective over Feyre,” Elain explained incredulously. “Like you are of me.”

Nesta considered that for a moment. “Touché. But if Azriel hurts you -"

“Nesta!” Elain exclaimed, an exasperated laugh leaving her lips. “We’ve barely talked. I just think he’s handsome.”

“Does Feyre know?”

That got Elain's attention.

“You can’t tell Feyre.” Elain broke out her puppy face: wide eyes, pouty lips, knitted brows. No one in history had been able to resist her puppy face. Including Nesta.

She huffed out a laugh. “I may be a bitch, but I’m not that cruel.”

Elain threw herself at her sister and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you!"

After promising Elain she wouldn't tell Feyre about her crush for the tenth time, Nesta retreated to her room. She was just about to pull out her notes when her phone buzzed in her back pocket.

I’m supposed to go on a date with this guy tonight, but I just met a hotter guy on my way home. Will you judge me if I ditch the first one?

Nesta looked at the phone number.

Amren.

She could help but let out a small laugh.

When in doubt, pick both.

Both?

Both.

Damn, Nesta, I didn’t realize how savage you are.

A couple moments later, another text came in.

Both is good.

---------------------------------

tag list (let me know if you want to be tagged):

@sjmships @sleeping-and-books @sirgwaines @books-for-sure @blowing-mikey @b00kworm @wineywitch202 @drielecarla @liquifyme @gisellefigue08 @iammissstark @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @loysydark @superspiritfestival @stardelia @sayosdreams @maastrash

#nessian #bittersweet #my writing #masterlist #nesta archeron #acotar #a court of thorns and roses

45 notes · View notes

siriusmuch · 4 years

Text

years | lily evans

pairing: lily evans x reader ; sirius black x reader

warnings: angst. lots and lots of angst.

word count: about 4k, my longest story yet!

summary: requested by anon — prompt #91 (in the background, the music plays, a sad tune, full of wistful piano and haunting violin. there is nobody left to hear it.) from this list. you loved a lot of people, but you loved lily evans like you did no other.

a/n: thank you for the request! i hope you like this, i hate writing things with no happy endings but i couldn’t resist. there’s not going to be a part two for this, sorry! there is a part with sirius x reader in this, although it’s not the main ship. you’ll understand as you read on :) sorry that the ending is a bit rushed :(

masterlist here

1971.

In your first year of Hogwarts, you remember everything about your first day vividly. Your parents sent you off with a sad farewell, and you promised to write to them often. They shed a few tears, and you almost missed the train by how long your hugs with them were. They peppered your face in kisses, your mother holding onto your father’s chest as you waved goodbye to them the final time. You knew it was extreme, but you were 11, and you were going to Hogwarts.

You’ve been waiting for this day your entire life.

Your parents were the sweetest people you knew. Your birth parents had fallen ill with the Dragon Pox when you were five, and you were constantly around caretakers until they had passed. You didn’t remember them to the extent you would’ve liked. You were put up for adoption, and your parents — who were also wizards — welcomed you into the family without ever looking back.

You were exposed to tragedy early in your life, but that never stopped you.

You ended up sharing a train car with two other girls your age, although the three of you didn’t end up becoming very good friends. Excitement and jitters filled your conversations, although you were all sorted into different houses.

Upon arriving at Hogwarts, you were in awe. You’d heard stories about the beauty of Hogwarts, with their floating candles to the castle-like interior. You’d ever tried reading Hogwarts: A History, although you got bored quickly and opted to play quidditch in your backyard instead.

When your name was finally called, you took a seat and the Sorting Hat was placed upon your head. You beamed, although your leg shook with how nervous you were. Both your birth parents were Gryffindors, although your adoptive parents were Hufflepuffs. You didn’t mind getting sorted in either house.

‘Oh, a (Y/L/N)?’ The Sorting Hat hummed, and you nodded. Although you were adopted, your last name never changed. You appreciated that your parents never did so, because even though you didn’t consider your birth parents mom and dad, at least you had a piece of them with you. ‘Your parents were the greatest Gryffindors I’ve seen, although you have a heart of pure gold. The way your heart swells when you think of your parents show me your Hufflepuff heart. You’d do well in either of those houses.’

You beamed, nerves quickly washing away. You had grown up with Hufflepuff ideals, so you weren’t surprised that you were considered for Hufflepuff. ‘But… I think you’d do better as a Gryffindor. You have great things ahead of you, (Y/N). So…’

Your eyebrows furrowed at what the Sorting Hat meant by “great things”, but before you could ask — think? — the Sorting Hat yelled, “Gryffindor!”

Moving off the seat, you walked towards the Gryffindor table, sitting in the closest empty seat you could find. As more people got sorted, you turned to the girl next to you, a red-head with stunning green eyes, and introduced yourself.

“Hi! I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!” You smiled, not knowing what was in store for you for the next ten years.

1972.

By the time second year rolled around, you had befriended the infamous Marauders. You weren’t necessarily as close to them as you were to Lily, but you found them funny. Except when James was asking out Lily — you always found yourself in a sour mood, although you had no clue why. You had came to the conclusion that you were just possessive of her friendship, since you had never been to close to someone else who wasn’t your parents to this extent.

You listened to Lily complain about the Marauders a fair extent. Remus was occasionally included in the complaints as well, although he usually got away with more things than the others did. You hung around Snape as well, although he never seemed too keen to talk to you. He seemed to tolerate you best when you were with Lily as well, although you always joked that being around Lily seemed to bring out your best qualities.

“What does Evans see in Snivellus?” James moaned again, putting his head down onto his textbook before peeking up at you.

“They’ve been friends since before Hogwarts, you know. You can’t separate them that easily, it’d be like if Lily constantly told you that you shouldn’t be friends with Sirius because he’s a Black.” You shrugged.

You and James had this conversation quite a few times. Lily didn’t necessarily approve of your friendship with him, but it didn’t stop you. Especially when you knew that James was a softie behind his egotistic exterior. You tried telling Lily this, although James always seemed to embarrass himself with Lily was around.

“But the point is that Sirius isn’t like his family. Snape fits in with those Slytherins, stupid pureblooded maniacs.”

“Snape isn’t even a pureblood,” you commented, “plus, not all Slytherins are bad. This is why Lily doesn’t want to be friends with you, much less your girlfriend.” You ruffled James’ hair, feeling a bit sick at the thought of Lily being James’ girlfriend.

You didn’t even believe in cooties anymore, and romance was cute. You had no idea why the idea of James and Lily made you feel so… sad. Shaking the thought off, you stood up.

“I should get going, I told Lily that I’ll join her and Snape to study potions. I’ll catch you later, James.” You smiled at him, taking your books and swiftly leaving.

1973.

By the time you were in your third year of Hogwarts, the mood shifted. No one was oblivious to this, but some people pretended they weren’t aware. Life became more intense, more stressful — there was a war building outside of the school, and fights broke out more often.

You made sure to accompany Lily everywhere.

You knew that Lily knew what you were doing, and you knew that she was a little annoyed by it. After all, she was independent and a brilliant witch, and more than capable of taking care of herself. But you were scared anyway. Scared for yourself and scared for her and anyone who wasn’t pureblooded.

But you tried carrying on with life as normally as possible, despite the fact that you subscribed to The Daily Prophet and read it every morning as opposed to just hearing news from your parents. You even wrote to them more than normal, and they sent you care packages about once a month. You didn’t need it, but you appreciated stuff from home. It made you feel safer, and you always made sure to share anything you got with Lily. You even tried out for the Quidditch team, having missed out last year. You ended up being their seeker, and you took pride in how happy everyone was in you. Especially how happy Lily was. You knew she was fascinated with Quidditch, despite being terrible at flying.

You grew even closer to James after you got on the Quidditch team, but a part of you always felt sad when you were around him. You still had no clue why, and it only intensified whenever Lily was brought up or associated, and you tried steering clear from the topic as much as possible without seeming suspicious.

There was a part of you that was confused, though. James and Sirius started hanging out at the library, and you didn’t know why. There were no pranks that happened, but they could be seen reading and researching something throughout the year. Peter joined them, although it was normal to see him in the library as well. Sometimes Remus was around, but mostly he was working on his own schoolwork. Whenever he was with the Marauders while they were off researching, he always seemed a bit nervous and exasperated at the same time.

You wondered, but you knew you wouldn’t get an answer.

1974.

“Don’t you find it odd that James, Sirius, and Peter always look so tired the day after Remus is out sick or his mother is sick? It’s like when he’s away, they go wild.” You brought up to Lily one day.

Lily shrugged, “They’re always a bit weird, though? They keep so many secrets… I would’ve expected them to be blabbermouths, but they never share any of their secrets. Haven’t you noticed that whenever someone is in trouble they end up at the scene?”

“It is odd… I don’t think I’d ever be able to understand boys,” you joked. Lily rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her face.

The two of you sat in silence at the Great Hall, watching James, Sirius, and Peter’s sluggish movements. A bit later, Remus came to join them, looking just as tired as they did. You exchanged a look with Lily.

Once again, you found yourself hopefully lost in Lily’s eyes. They’re always so vibrant, and you hated when they dulled just the tiniest bit whenever something happened with her sister. You wished you could take all her pain away, to always be there to pick her up no matter what happens. It pained you to be in a state where you couldn’t do anything to help.

“Earth to (Y/N)?” Lily snapped her fingers in front of your face, causing you to blink. “You’re staring again. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, a familiar flush creeping up on your face. You had the littlest of ideas why you kept on staring at her, but you didn’t want to feel this. Not towards Lily, at least. Not towards your best friend, who you could easily lose by admitting these feelings.

Fourth year was the year you started getting suspicious of the Marauders, realized your tiny crush on Lily Evans, and came out to your parents through a letter.

1975.

Fifth year was the year you became best friends with Sirius Black.

You had no idea why Sirius had started avoiding the Marauders, nor why they were so aggressive towards him. The entire group was tense, and from what you’ve been told, you knew that Sirius did a terrible prank that was unforgivable. You knew that James was upset that you were hanging out with Sirius, but you had came to the realization that Sirius was rather… lonely, at least without the Marauders around.

There were always rumors circulating at Hogwarts, but as you talked to Sirius, you realized that it wasn’t as true as it seemed.

The two of you were currently out after curfew, hanging out in the astronomy tower. You were smoking a cigarette that he’d passed you, and you just stared up at the ceiling.

“You’re in love with Evans, aren’t you?” Sirius interrupted your silence.

You turned to face him, your eyebrows furrowing. You could feel a sick feeling starting to build in your stomach. No one knew this, even though you had came out to your parents as attracted to both boys and girls.

“Why do you say that?” You hesitantly asked.

“You’re always staring at her. You always perk up when she’s mentioned, not to mention you always get moody every time James talks about liking her. You glare at any people who try and ask her out on dates. Only an idiot wouldn’t know.” Sirius turned to face you.

“Merlin, is it that obvious?” You groaned, “Yeah, I figured out that I liked her last year. But I don’t even know if she likes girls like that. Not many people are accepting, you know? I don’t even know if you are.”

“It’d be ironic if I didn’t accept it. I’m in love with Remus.”

“You are?” You blinked, jaw dropping a bit. You didn’t know if anyone else in Hogwarts was like you, but here Sirius was. “Do you just like guys or…?”

“I don’t know yet. I think both, kissing girls is nice, but with Remus…”

“With him, it’s different.” You finished his sentence.

1976.

In sixth year, you hung around Lily a lot more. She was still struggling after what Snape had said to her, and you once again wished that you could take away her pain. She was suffering, and you didn’t know what to do to help her.

You had asked James for a passageway out to Hogsmeade, and you snuck her out despite her poor protests. The two of you drank butterbeer while you let her cry (for the final time, she swore) on your shoulder. Eventually, her tears faded out and all there was was anger. Anger for not realizing just how much Snape had changed, anger for being so dumb, and anger that Snape was becoming just the type of person who wanted her dead.

Sixth year was also the year where James and Lily started becoming friends. It didn’t happen immediately, and they still argued. Their differences continued being highlighted, but as James helped Lily loosen up, Lily was able to reign James in a considerable amount. At this point, you knew that it was inevitable that they were going to date. You felt jealous, but you still suffered in silence. Instead, you started spending more time with Sirius.

It was nice to see everyone in semi-good spirits, though. Especially when the air at Hogwarts started becoming increasingly tense. The Marauders had made up, and although Snape tried to grovel at Lily’s feet and beg for her friendship, things were as good as they could be.

Life went on.

Before the end of sixth year, Sirius pulled you aside.

“I have a question to ask you,” Sirius started. You raised an eyebrow, telling him to go on. “We’re both in love with people who… to put it frankly, won’t love us back. Do you want to go on a date? We deserve better than to pine for people who won’t feel the same.”

You were shocked at the question. You didn’t know what to say, because you’ve always been turning down dates. But you knew that Sirius had a point. “I… Yeah, let’s do it. Next Hogsmeade weekend?” You asked.

And so, you and Sirius started dating. Congratulations started pouring from everyone you knew, and you were sad to see Lily be so utterly happy for the two of you.

1977.

Your seventh year at Hogwarts was a weird combination of things. For one thing, you didn’t really expect James to become head boy, but you weren’t surprised that before the new year started that he and Lily started going out.

Your heart still hurt every time you saw the two of them together. They were happy in their own world, light pecks all the time, and you missed Lily a lot more now that she didn’t even sleep in the girls dormitory. You cursed whoever made the heads their own quarters instead of them sleeping with the rest of the year.

You were still dating Sirius too, despite the fact that both of you were still pining over people who wouldn’t love you back. You guys were as happy as you could be, given your position. Whenever the other felt too sad, there would be ice cream and cuddles. You guys kissed, but you knew that there was a low chance that it’d ever get further than that. Both of you knew that this relationship was just a distraction from your true feelings.

At the first quidditch match of the year, right after you had caught the snitch, someone had cursed your broom and you fell right out of the sky. You were in the hospital wing for three days, with a terrible concussion and too many of your bones broken, but you lived. You never found out who cursed your broom, but everyone was on their toes for the next few days. You knew that Sirius and James blamed the Slytherins, and a part of you agreed. After all, there were some Slytherins who made it obvious that they supported Voldemort.

This was also the year where you and Lily were filled in on Remus’ condition. Lily confessed that she already knew that Remus was a werewolf, although never knew why the other boys were always so tired. After reassuring Remus that neither of you were going to stop being friends with him, you begged Sirius to turn into his dog form for cuddles.

Things were as good as they could be.

1978.

You broke up with Sirius before the school year ended. The two of you knew it was coming, and it was always a question of who would ask first. The Marauders seemed upset with you at first for “breaking Sirius’ heart”, although Sirius constantly reprimanded them for it. You were still good friends, and you both were more physical with each other than regular friends, but it was nice.

The day you graduated, you cried. A lot of people did, so you weren’t alone, but you knew that this would be the last time you’d be in Hogwarts as a student. You probably would go see Dumbledore a few times in Hogwarts, especially after being recruited for the Order of the Phoenix like your other friends were.

That summer, in the mail, you received invitations to Lily and James’ wedding. You already knew that they were getting married, but this just solidified the fact. Sirius came over that day, and you cried, not that you’d ever admit that to anyone else other than him.

You attended the wedding with Sirius as your +1, although he was invited too. You knew all of your friends were a bit confused about where you and Sirius stood, but you never really gave them an explanation.

Before the end of the year, Remus was sent out to talk to other werewolves to try and recruit them for the war. This time, you went over to Sirius’ place to try and relieve some of the anxiety he felt. You were anxious too — even though you weren’t as close to Remus as you were to Sirius, you knew it was a risk. Everything all your friends did was a risk, and you were constantly worried for them.

1979.

Your arm burnt with the Dark Mark.

You were sent to infiltrate the Death Eaters by Dumbledore. The only person who knew of your mission was Sirius, and you feared the day that you’d end up having to fight against your friends as a supposed Death Eater.

You weren’t a hateful person, but every time you insulted muggleborns or said anything even related to pureblood supremacy, you wanted nothing but to hate Dumbledore. You were resilient, and a good witch, and your acting skills were top notch after hiding your feelings for Lily for so long.

Your life was constantly at risk, and you wrote letters to all of your friends explaining everything in case you died. You were building up rank in the group, and eventually, you would be one of Voldemort’s most trusted members. You filled him with lies about who was fighting against him, never actually giving up anyone who was in the Order. You had learnt occlumency so you weren’t as vulnerable.

You barely saw any of your friends that year. You had moved houses when you were assigned to the job. Sirius informed you that he suspected that there was a spy in the Order, and you told him you’d keep an eye out in case there was someone in the Death Eater meetings that you recognized.

“I think… it may be Remus.” He admitted sadly that same day.

“Remus? Our Remus? He’s loyal beyond everything.” You protested. “We already know what mission he’s doing, and I would suspect Remus the least out of almost everyone.”

“But isn’t that the point? He’s been alone his whole life, hating himself for being a werewolf. Suddenly, he’s with other werewolves, and he feels like he belongs. We never see him, and all Dumbledore and Moody say is that they’ve been in touch.” Sirius shoved his face in his hands, sighing. “This war is a bloody mess.”

You shook your head, “I don’t think Remus is the type to submit to his urges so easily. You’ve met the man, Sirius.” You leaned your head against Sirius’ shoulder. “I haven’t seen you in two months, Sirius. Between Remus and I, I’d be more suspicious. I bet some of the other members already are. All they know is that I’m on an important mission and I can’t see anyone. Suspecting each other will just bring our downfall.”

Sirius grew quiet. “I’m sorry, (Y/N). Some people do suspect you, but to be fair, you haven’t been to an official Order meeting in months. I haven’t even seen you for the longest time. Only Moody, Dumbledore, and I know what you’re doing. I wish I could tell them so that they don’t think that way anymore, but I can’t.”

“I hate this so much. Merlin, I need a drink.”

1980.

Between pretending to be a Death Eater, working for the Order and gathering intel, and then finding out about the prophecy and how Lily and James were expecting a child, you were running yourself thin. You were utterly exhausted at this point, and all you wanted was a break. Somewhere where this war didn’t exist.

You still hated yourself for loving Lily to this extent. Hated that you still couldn’t let her go, and hated that she probably thought you were leaking information to the Death Eaters.

A part of you wished that you told Lily of your feelings for her while you were still in Hogwarts. Before everything in the world became reality for all of you. You felt stupid for thinking this way, but you ultimately wished things were just different.

War really was draining.

October 31st, 1981.

The morning of October 31st, 1981, you were called to a Death Eater meeting. There, Voldemort and a few of his trusted members were waiting for your arrival. There, you saw a man you hadn’t seen in almost a year.

Peter Pettigrew.

Did you two get sent on the same mission by the Order? You masked your expression of confusion, looking at him and the fear evident in his face. You wondered why they would send Peter, of all people. You adored Peter, he was like a little brother to you, although you knew how easily he scared when he was on his own.

“Good morning,” Voldemort started speaking, “For the past year, (Y/L/N) has been telling us insider information about the people fighting against us.” You forced a smile on your face, ignoring Peter’s heavy stare. All the information was fake and staged, although Peter couldn’t possibly know that unless he was informed you were on this mission and you weren’t.

“But, a week ago, Pettigrew was able to tell us the location of the Potters.” Your eyes widened just a tiny bit, “They had tried using a Fidelius charm so that only a trusted person would know where they were, and I’ve been planning on taking down their child in this time. As you all know, the boy who was born in July is the one who is supposedly going to destroy me. I cannot allow that to happen, and Pettigrew supplied me with the information I need while the baby is at its most vulnerable.”

You willed yourself not to react until the meeting was over. The moment you were allowed to go, you left as quickly as possible, avoiding Peter. Casting a patronus charm, you sent out a message to Lily.

“Lily, I was on a mission to infiltrate the Death Eaters and Pet…”

Before you could finish your sentence, you were out.

That night, in Godric’s Hollow, a motorcycle revs as it leaves the vicinity. In the background, the music plays, a sad tune, full of wistful piano and haunting violin. There is nobody left to hear it.

#journal of joyivos #lily evans x reader #lily evans #sirius black #sirius black x reader #lily evans x reader x sirius black #lily evans x james potter #sirius black x remus lupin #wolfstar #jily #harry potter #harry potter x reader #marauders #marauders era #marauders x reader #marauders era x reader #this is so angsty im so sorry #i love lily evans so much though

97 notes · View notes

myheartrevealedocs · 4 years

Text

Untouchable Ch 8- Keeping a Secret

Warnings: mentions of death (suggestion of suicide?), discussion of graphic injuries for like two lines, discussion of mental illness

Ch 7 | Ch 9

~ ~ ~

“You nervous?” Lydia whispered as she walked past her fidgeting date for the evening. “The-always-punctual-Dr-Reid?”

He jumped, looking at her with rounded eyes. “Uh… hey!”

A smile tugged at her lips. God, he looked so small sitting there. He was actually terrified.

“Hey.”

“How’s, uh… How’s your schoolwork going?” He was blinking at a rapid rate as if he couldn’t believe she was there. As if any minute now, she’d disappear and he’d once more be alone at a table for two.

“It’s been good. I’ve been putting off on stuff for the past few days after… everything. So, I’ll need to catch up. Hopefully, by then, I’ll have your help again.”

“You don’t need my help,” he argued.

She could tell he was new at this. So was she, of course, but she’d known Spencer for some time now. It’d been almost a full year since she met him and they’d been working together for over seven months. She figured this would be like any other time they’d met. She just had to show him that them going out together didn’t change anything.

She rolled her eyes. “Maybe not. But I enjoy being with you.”

Finally, he let go of some of his jitteriness. “I was so happy you wanted my help,” he admitted. “I couldn’t wait to hang out with you.”

“Me too.” She stuck out her tongue, teasingly. “I’m glad we can hang out now without the pretense of me needing help.”

“Lydia is this all… I’m just not sure I really believe that you wanted to go out with me.” He fumbled over his words, a pink flush gracing his cheeks.

“Spencer, I’m pretty sure my exact words were ‘I’m not going out with you unless-’”

“‘I’m not going to get food with you unless it’s a date’,” he corrected. “I know, but maybe you knew I wanted to ask you out and only said that to make me feel better.”

Before she could think better of it, she reached across the table to grab his hand and said, “You gave me a book of Sherlock Holmes stories and told me I reminded you of the main character. Believe me, you’ve had my whole heart since that moment.”

His words caught in his throat and his eyes travelled down to their piled hands. Just as he had when she’d done that the last time, he slowly flipped his hand over, so that her fingers rested in his palm and his thumb could slide over her knuckles. For a moment, he hovered over the ring that she wore when she was off work. The one she’d told him belonged to her father.

“Have you read any of them?” he asked, softly.

“Of course. I was going to call you to discuss them, but you were on vacation so I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You couldn’t have bothered me,” he insisted. “I was happy to get your call… until I found out what it was about.”

“Yeah… that last case was tough. But at least some good came out of it!”

He raised an eyebrow. “Like…?”

“Hotch offered me a job.”

His jaw dropped. “He did? You're going to be working with us full-time now?”

She shook her head. “Not exactly. But I won’t be an intern anymore and I’ll have more freedoms. I still have to convince Strauss I’m fit for the team, but after that, I’ll be contracted out for cases. I’m like your guys’s hireable forensic expert!”

He squeezed Lydia’s hand gently. “That’s amazing!”

They settled into comfortable conversation for the rest of the night. The food was great, as she figured it would be since Spencer liked the restaurant so much, and when they were finished, he offered to walk her home.

The spring air was still cold and she wasn’t used to the temperature compared to California. They walked in silence for most of the night, Lydia looking around at the buildings. All the months she’d been living there and she really hadn’t taken the time to commit anything nearby to memory. But now that she was planning on taking up Hotch’s offer, Virginia could end up being a permanent home.

Oh god, Rebecca was going to kill her, she thought suddenly. She was going to insist she was abandoning her like their parents had.

Abandoned. She hated to think of it that way, but that’s why her and her sister had always stuck so close. They were all they had left.

“Hey, Spencer?” she began, nervously. “Do you want to know what happened to my mom?”

“Lydia, you don’t owe me-”

“No,” she interrupted. “I’m okay with telling you, I promise. There’s no… pressure on me to say, but I…” She sighed. “I feel like someone should know. And I don’t mean ‘know’ as in read the new articles Garcia came across when she did a background check on me. I mean understand.” She looked down at her hands and Spencer knew without even looking, that she was twisting her ring around her finger like she was winding up a toy. “It was kind of a… complicated matter.”

“Complicated?”

“My mom was bipolar. I don’t remember a lot about her, but of what I do picture, it’s almost like I had two mothers. When she was on a decline, she wasn’t anything like my mother. She was hollow and distant and I couldn’t understand it.

“And, when I was ten… I was the one to find her body. She’d overdosed on her meds. Bupropion to be exact. And it became somewhat popular around town, because no one could tell if it was a suicide or an accident… I don’t even know. Local papers were speculating about it and some people even thought it could have been a murder.

“People wouldn’t leave us alone for the longest time, trying to find evidence that proved their theories. It was really hard on my dad and, of course, that’s approximately when my anger issues started to manifest and I was acting out and being a real piece of shit. So, you know, no help. And the doctors basically said that that was the first sign of her giving her depression to me.”

His eyes started to water. “Lydia-”

“I’m not telling you this because I think it makes us even, Spencer. Sharing your past isn’t like trading cards. But, after finding out about your mom, I wanted you to know that I understand. I really do. You’re terrified of turning out like her. And you feel guilty, because you love your mother, even with her disorder. But watching her live with it for all those years and-” She stopped herself, feeling her own emotions get the better of her. “I don’t think I’m strong enough. If I turn into that… I don’t think I’ll survive.”

She shut her eyes and stopped walking, waiting for him to tell her that she was wrong about him. Maybe she didn’t really understand. She’d assumed a lot and there were so many different factors, but it felt the same. When he talked about his mom, she recognized those emotions.

“Lydia?”

His voice was controlled. Almost forced. She worried he was holding back anger. But after cautiously cracking an eye open, she realized it was tears. He was close to crying. And to be honest, so was she, although none had fallen from either of the pair.

“Can I hug you?”

She tried to muffle a little gasp, before nodding.

His arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her into his warm chest and she snaked her arms underneath his jacket to hold him closer. He smelled clean, like detergent, and she had to keep herself from rubbing her face into his soft shirt.

Telling someone about her mother’s death was never going to be easy for Lydia. She hadn’t expected it to be. But Spencer was one of the first people who wasn’t treating her like an alien. She’d lost someone. People die all the time. It hurts like a bitch, but 12 years later and she still could feel a weird air around the topic. No one wanted to bring up what her mother’s death meant for her.

“Thank you,” she breathed. “For listening. And for putting up with me before this when I dodged the subject.”

“When I found you sitting on the floor of the conference room, listening to my mom,” he said, his hold on her not letting up, “I was blown away. I’d never seen anyone other than her doctors be able to talk to her so cleanly. When people realize she’s different, they tiptoe around her like she’s dangerous. And really, she’s not. She never has been, not to anyone else. She’s just… strange.”

“We’re all a little strange,” she comforted, pulling back to look at him, but neither one of them dropping their arms around the other. “And she was absolutely brilliant. No wonder you turned out to be a prodigy.”

He grinned. “She used to be a great literature professor before her mental state began deteriorating. She’d read me historic poetry and writings. I didn’t think anyone in the world could be as amazing as my mom.”

“I can believe it,” she told him sincerely.

They stood there for a moment, then walked the rest of the way to her apartment, arms still wrapped around one another like they were a life raft.

“Do people normally talk about their moms’ mental illnesses on their first date?” Spencer asked, his tone completely serious. “I feel like we jumped the ‘what’s your favorite color’ questions.”

“My favorite color is green,” she informed him. “And this is just a guess, but I don’t think anything about our relationship is or will ever be normal, Spencer. Romantic or not.”

He glanced at her, questioningly. “Is that okay?”

“Perfect.”

~ ~ ~

Lydia’s meeting with Strauss was set a few days later and it went well. At least, according to Hotch, it did. Strauss was… terrifying.

Lydia was ready to collapse from stress as she followed Hotch out of their superior’s office, but once they were a few feet away, he confided that she’d answered all of Strauss’s questions appropriately and fully which was all they could ask for.

“She looked so annoyed,” Lydia admitted, quietly. “I thought I was on trial, not applying for a job.”

“Strauss is…” He hesitated, not sure how to put it lightly. “She can seem like that at times,” he decided.

She nodded, the two of them finally reaching the bullpen. “Well, call me if you hear anything.”

“You too,” he replied before walking away to his office.

Lydia stepped down into the bullpen, deciding to stay a few minutes before heading home. She had something to ask Spencer and if she got this job, she might have to do some more training, which would mean a little while out of the field.

“Hey, kiddo,” Morgan called with a smile as she stepped down.

“Not sure I appreciate the nickname, Derek.”

Spencer spun around at the sound of her voice, but didn’t say anything.

“I call pretty boy here ‘kid’ all the time and technically, he’s not the youngest anymore,” Morgan argued, Lydia stepping up next to them at their joined desk. “You’ve got him beat by three years.”

“Two,” Lydia fired back. “I turned 22 two months ago.

“Oo, a big girl,” he teased. “Tie your own shoes and everything?”

“Why? Do you need help?”

“Sugar!” Garcia cried, entering the bullpen from the opposite direction. “What are you doing here?”

“Spice!” Lydia held out her arms to pull her in for a brief hug.

Garcia gasped in her ear. “I love the nickname,” she said, pulling away. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Oh,” Lydia sighed, brushing her hair back. “I’m not sure if this is on the downlow or not, but I was interviewing for a job!”

“What?” Morgan demanded, setting his mug of coffee down firmly. “You’re thinking about leaving us?”

“No!” Garcia argued too. “Who wants you? I’ll sabotage your chances!”

Lydia raised an eyebrow. “Well, that’s scary, because I’m certain you could. Quite easily. But if you don’t want me getting this job, you’ll have to take it up with Hotch or Strauss.”

“Wait a minute,” she said. “You mean it’s a job here? At the BAU?”

“It’ll be no different than before,” Lydia promised. “I’m not here for every case. Hotch just thought it was time I had more freedoms and he’s trying to convince Strauss of that too. I don’t know why anyone would entrust me with that, but if Strauss agrees, I get to carry a gun, so that’s cool.”

“That sounds terrifying,” Morgan disagreed. “Don’t act so excited about getting to use deadly weapons.”

“Noted.” Lydia winked at him and he smirked back. “How’s Elle doing?”

“She’s back home,” Spencer said, speaking up for the first time since she got there. “She won’t be allowed back in the field for a few months, though.”

“That really sucks,” she grumbled. “I saw her place and there was no getting that blood out. She probably had to get the carpet replaced and the wall repainted. And I told Hotch this, but it must have been excruciating.”

“Why’s that?” Morgan asked.

“He wrote on the walls in her blood,” Lydia cried. “How did he get that blood?”

“You think he stuck his fingers into the bullet hole?”

Garcia’s face paled. “Oh no, please don’t say it.”

“He had to.”

Garcia’s hand covered her mouth at Lydia’s words. “Oh god, you said it. I’m gonna be sick.”

The woman scurried off, leaving Lydia with the two profilers. “Sorry, I wouldn’t think Garcia would be squeamish.”

“Very,” Morgan informed her, standing up. “I need more coffee. Be right back.”

Lydia gave him a halfhearted wave, letting him leave before turning on Spencer.

“You’re quiet,” she said, bluntly. “What’s up?”

“I didn’t think I’d see you today.” He shrugged, but Lydia could see straight through him. “I thought you’d be too busy.”

“Yeah… Or you were hoping you wouldn’t see me,” she accused and he panicked.

“It’s not because of you-!” he blurted out.

“You don’t want to tell the team we’re dating,” she figured, interrupting him. “You thought I’d spill the beans.”

“I’m scared!”

“Of telling them? Or of them knowing?”

“Both? I mean, what if you decide I’m a bad boyfriend? I’m not sure I could face the humiliation of them knowing you broke my heart.”

“I doubt you could be a bad boyfriend if you tried,” she argued. “But okay, we can wait as long as you’d like. They are profilers, though. You think they’re going to know?”

He shook his head. “As long as we aren’t holding hands around the bullpen or anything… Everybody's already super close, so us talking is totally normal. They might think I’m crushing on you, but Garcia already caught onto that.”

“Garcia what?” Lydia clamped her teeth shut over her lips to keep from laughing at him, but it didn’t help much. “She profiled that you liked me?”

“Yeah…” he mumbled, embarrassed.

“How long has she known?” Lydia demanded.

“Since… our first case together.”

She didn’t even try to stop her laugh this time. “Dude, there’s no way you’re going to be able to hide this from the team. But I mean, I’m more than happy to try.”

His face turned bright red. “You really think they’re going to figure it out?”

She shrugged, calming herself before Morgan could get back and ask what she was laughing about. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll turn out to be great at keeping a secret.”

24 notes · View notes

hoonlit · 4 years

Text

Intertwined

synopsis: maybe losing him wasn’t so bad after all.

pairing: Dabi x Reader

genre: angst, bits of fluff

words: 1.4k

warnings: bits of cursing, major character death

A/N: First post!! Please bare with this writing for a few more weeks~ ILL GET BETTER ! I don’t know why the spaces get exponentially bigger everytime I pressed the cursed ‘return’ button so 😔

A hurricane is something you could emasculately use to describe the utter turmoil of a childhood you put yourself through. Tragedy, call it, but it’s not some sort of play that has an ending. Not what a book portrays. It’s like some sort of overcast, an ominous sign things were going to be different. A storm conjuring up in the pits to haunt.

The first time you met him was through the backyard of his home, the intricacies of the jet black gate showing slivers of what was behind it. A young soul like you was curious, fearless, maybe. You wouldn’t call the shots on your decision making. You heard laughing and kicking, a lonely self shouldn’t be watching others play, but here you were, trying to get a glimpse of everything your household rejected.

A plastic ball flew over your head, the slightly frightened look on the faces turned slowly, the equal of a freaky wooden door. Smiling brightly, you waved, to which they smiled back. Tossing the ball back over, a hesitate thought rushed before you could close your mouth.

“Can I play with you?” A small voice, seemingly not your own (though it was) inquired from the other side of the gate. As the children nodded quietly, you rushed over and with quick nimble feet, you climbed, worn down shoes pressing against the curves of the gates’ design. Hopping over with a huff, the laughter of three turned into the giggles of four. Happiness is maybe what this feeling if giddiness was.

“What’s your name?” A girl asked, her white hair had bits of cherry shows up, like blood on fresh snow, so bright and vibrant.

“L/N.” You said, chubby fingers fidgeting. “Y/N L/N. It was only a matter of time before you remembered their names as well. Your anticipation for later days to come would halt abruptly, your car with you inside was stopped by a large sign. It was only once per day, but more of Natsuo and Fuyumi rather than Touya. The mind you possessed didn’t understand the weight of the situation. Even then, you hoped. You had drawings for him, bentos to make together and castles to fill with your imagination.

Maybe secrets to share, and memories to cherish. He showed up less and less, during his visits your innocence skipped over the melancholy drenched in his eyes. As a young child, Touya got a storm of his own brewing. Worse that the hurricane you thought you had. Even that one time where you and him joked about the best heroes other than the Symbol of Peace, it seemed those memories were fading into dust, a cherry blossom growing, only to fade away.

Even his absence told something to you. Maybe he was done, maybe he didn’t want it anymore. He didn’t want to name of a hero that hurt. Todoroki wasn’t a proud thing to keep track off, perhaps a wretched path full of something you didn’t want to know. Full of trauma. But even with it, Touya was strong, no? He fought battles for you and stood up when you fell. Maybe you loved him more than you shod have. You didn’t realize the end would come so soon.

“Where’s Touya, you asked Natsuo, rubbing his back and crying into your shoulder. Schoolwork wasn’t a must, the days were all a blur, the lessons were slow and don’t teach much.

“Gone, gone, gone, just like the rest of them. He’s gone, L/N, gone.”

“We can find him, Natsuo, I promise I’ll become a hero and I’ll make it my top priority to find out wherever he is.” You tried to lighten the mood, clammy hands rubbing at your dress skirt.

“You don’t get it! He died, he’s gone, he can’t come back anymore! No more smiles, no more games. No more fun for his anymore. It’s always Dad, he’s hurting everyone. Mom’s crying because of him and the three of us are the reason for his anger. We’re mishaps.” Incoherent phrases were spluttered, tears wiped roughly with his eyes before he got up and left. The silent was threatening, the ominiscent foreshadow that all good came to an end.

Maybe the winds of fear crept into you slowly, a storm to weather forming in the midst.

Why’d you go? Why’d you leave us in the dark?

Memories of him stayed in the past, newer things were your priority. School, life, and friends were occupations you sought to busy your time. The years passed much to quickly, time stolen under your noise. Admitted to a school. Graduation. Heading to UA. Graduation there. It seemed nothing mattered most than those moments, but the past haunts everyone. Even as a hero, you couldn’t save everything. Even as a person who made the move past everything you couldn’t help but frantically press the dirt covering his smile harder into the ground. It was only patrols, nothing more, a capturing of a villain who had blue flames. That’s it.

“It can’t be you, can it?” Even after so many years these thoughts popped out on random, your quirk pushing his quirk to a stop. He was burnt, flesh marred past regeneration, but it was one thing that stayed the same.

“L/N.” His gaze, pool of turquoise burned into yours as the bystanders rushed out under your command. “Seems so long since I-“

“Shut up. Touya. I don’t want to hear how you’ve changed.” A grimace from the male in front of you reached your eyes.

“I never changed, I just finally started showing it.” His words may have burned you, eyes prickling, but his soft tone soothed the harsh pain. “It seems so long since we’ve seen each other, spoken to each other.” You ran towards him hugging his build as you sobbed, a soft firewood scent drifting off of his exterior. Fisting the white shirt in your hands, you slapped him, punching his chest as the villain laughed, stroking your hair softly. Fumbling with the strands, his fingers cupping your cheeks. You knew you were doomed from the beginning. It was also like this. You wished for an alternate universe, for a happy future where it didn’t seem like everyone around you inflicted or received pain.

“I said I would marry you one day.” You laughed, legs dangling on his thighs as he slid down the wall. Staring off, he kept his hands away from your figure, arms draped next to him in a nonchalant manner. “Doesn’t look like it’s happening now.” Wiping your tears, you stared at him through tears eyes, a smile appearing on your face. A bittersweet smile that you showed him frequently during an early age. “Why’d you have to go? W-Why’d you leave m- us? Fuyumi, and-“

“Don’t.” His voice let on more than he showed, a light quiver in the way he told you he didn’t want to hear it.

“What do you mean, don’t? I told you to never leave me and you did, I told you take care of me, the cherish as friend, for, or fiancé, but where only close to foes. Why can’t you understand we thought you fucking died?!”

“I couldn’t live that life anymore. You shouldn’t have known that.” He seemed cold, emotionally dry even, as you grabbed his hands and intertwined your fingers with his.

A gun click stopped the silence, leaving you and him feeling betrayed.

“Dabi, you’re under arrest for 18 murders and 24 attempted murders. Put your hand above your head or we’ll shoot.”

“And that’s not how my death goes.” Picking you in is right and manhandling you from the collar, he grinned, the bright blue covering the men and their yells as shots were rung into fruitless abandon. Unscathed, he wiped a hand on his shirt, picking you up and placing a hand on your chest.

“Tell me if you kne-“ He growled.

“I didn’t, I swear, I wasn’t a part of it Touya! I didn’t even know you were in this area!” Honestly speaking, you couldn’t get a word to him. Struggling against his hold, he tightened his grip on your neck, left hand sizzling slightly. “Believe me, please!” You coughed, the black haired male sneered at your weak figure.

“Wrong answer, Y/N.” He blasted his flames, catching the material on fire as you crumbled back into the corner of the alley wall, choking on the smoke before placing out the fire on your charred suit. Smoke drifted in the air, the burning scent making it hard to breath and talk. You truly burned this time, but it was only then you knew how he felt to be burned. How it felt to be hurt all of those times. “I want to know why you came to see me after you became a hero and think it’s alright to call me by a name I don’t use anymore.”

“You want to know why I left? It’s because I don’t want to become someone who does this disgusting act of sympathy to turn me in. I loved you Y/N, and I was happy, I thought of how much I liked you and then I realized. A little girl like you can’t change the monster fate’s intertwined with my past.”

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