#sobriety blog

[life-as-gwen]

The Tunnel

Imagine you are looking into the opening of a long dark tunnel. You can see no light at the end, you only hear the voice of your teacher. You must enter the tunnel. You must walk through the darkness. You follow the voice. For the tunnel is not straight, it has many corners, and as you round the last corner you see your teacher, standing in the light, waiting for you.

When I entered rehab I was confused and desperate. I had made the most important decision, to get help, but little did I know that things were going to get a lot darker before they got better. The journey of exploring my fears, insecurities and trauma was about to begin.

In the first few weeks I remember wanting to hide in my room. I wanted to be alone. Now I was being asked to be in the presence of other people while I was at my most vulnerable. I was raw with emotion, puffy eyed and overwhelmed.

As time went on, I was to face many painful realities while exploring the history of my addiction. Some of these realities I had never accepted. Some were secrets that I thought I would take to the grave. Over and over again I was broken open, spilling out all the ugliness I had been keeping inside. Each time I believed there was nothing left to frighten me, no more to expose, but each time I was wrong.

I had no choice but to trust that I was in safe hands. I had made a conscious choice to trust my counsellor and made the decision to do whatever he asked of me. He tasked me with the nearly impossible over and over, and each time I came out the other side a stronger person. I had an understanding of myself that I had never had before. I was on my way to a life in recovery.

I am forever grateful.

[do-you-ship-rarepair]

Shameless plug

[hikeyzz]

ONE MONTH SOBER !!!! 💗🎉

I am so beyond fucking proud of myself and so damn grateful for this past month. It has been so challenging and hard and still I haven't let myself bend or break my sobriety whatsoever and that's fucking amazing. I'm fucking amazing. I used to think I literally could never live without using substances and I've been doing it for a whole month and am actually thriving. I haven't been intentionally sober for this long in nearly a decade. It feels like I've been returning to a version of myself I thought I lost so long ago. I'm so so so so happy to have made it to a month and still so motivated to keep going. YAY ME !!!! 👏🎉💐

[gloomgaze]

three weeks sober as of today, longest i've been without substances in years so that's an achievement, but man i could really use a beer.

[syringe3]

You have to be so fucking strong to be gentle, to be patient. it's the most hardcore violent act people can do.

[vomitsaint69]

two months ago in psych ward

[areyouadreamer]

i've spent such a huge portion of my life feeling stuck in my pain and trauma, feeling like i can't move on from it. and while i may have c-ptsd and that's something that will be with me for the rest of my life, i still have the option to continue moving forward... even through the difficult days. i still have control over so many aspects of my life and i need to remain focused on those things. i will continue choosing to consume food, media, art, and relationships that good for my soul. i will continue moving my body, allowing myself rest when i need it, allowing myself to feel through my deep feelings without attaching myself to them, connecting with nature, etc. current me deserves this, future me deserves this, my inner child deserves this. and i will continue honoring them

[perkyaddict]

Percz Sober Date : 4/27/25 💔 ( My Mother's Birthday )

I fuckin hate reality...

Like what do I do??

How do I move on and let go from the past???

I feel so alone.

The memories and thoughts all in my head... straight killin me.

I just wanna die. I want drugs. A Happy Drug.

We all die in the end anyways 🙃

[life-as-gwen]

What is Sobriety?

What does it mean to be living a sober life? What is sobriety?

I know what it is not. It is not a destination or something that we achieve and no longer have to work at. Simply not drinking or not using, for an addict, seems impossible in the beginning. When we choose to get sober, we begin the battle with cravings, withdrawals, temptations and a lot of pain. Whether we fight this on our own, with the help of a physician or end up in a detox program, it is all the same. We get our drug of choice out of our systems. Then the real work begins.

Many of us have been through this multiple times. I have quit drinking more times than I can count. I stopped drinking for about 10 years at one point. I would not describe this time of my life as being particularly sober. I was a deeply unhappy and angry person. I was basically white knuckling the ride of emotions on a daily basis. I had no insight into my suffering. I blamed myself for being a bad person, difficult to deal with and just not capable of being a good mom, wife, daughter etc. I was unhappy and full of self-pity. During this time I saw my children graduate and leave for university, I went through a divorce, changed jobs and began a new life on my own. I did believe at the time that I was making it and that I was strong. Until it all came crashing down.

I hesitate to call what happened over the next five years as a relapse, because I had not been living a life in recovery, I had merely stopped drinking. When I picked up the drink again I had made no real progress and found myself in a deeper hole than I had ever been. I had no control of my drinking, no self-respect and no hope for any kind of a future.

With the persistent help of some beautiful people, I went into a 60 day rehab program, which was the beginning of something brand new. I began the painful process of facing myself, my anger, my trauma and began to learn a new way to live. A life of sobriety.

This new lifestyle is ongoing and is something that requires daily maintenance. It is easier some days than others. The tendency to gravitate towards anger and isolation is always there, just as the potential to take that drink again is always there.

While I strive to maintain emotional sobriety, it is not a straight line. There are successes and failures. The failures do not negate the work we have done and do not take away the good we have accomplished. We continue to try and move in a forward direction, celebrating our wins and showing ourselves love and compassion when we are struggling.

Sobriety is a way of living.

[litterednglitter]

Hey y'all! Back again for yet another update...on well...life!

I do not believe that I had mention this before I was. during the better part of 2023ish to 2024 I was in a relationship with someone by the name of The Ginger Beard Man. That is obviosuly thats not his real name. Believe when I tell you I'm SO happy that it's over! of course during the beginning it was great. He had a job was making a lot of money. Now I know what you are thinking, I wasn't with The Gingerbread Man just beacuse he had money even when he had lost his job I stood with him for the rest of the year. Thats not what broke us up. I had 2 jobs you think I needed his money? NAAAAHHHHHH! It was his Heavy drinking. During his bouts of drunken stupors, he would break up with me, call me dumb, wake me up in the middle of night to disrupt my sleep patterns and tickle me until I pissed myself right before I had to go to work. I had no extra clothes with me, so I had to miss work to go and shower and change my clothes. Ask to borrow money from me when he had lost his job and use it for his drinking habits.

The list can go on...but rethinking about will piss me the fuck off! There is a reason why I don't think about the past to keep the peace that I have already found without this man in my life.

Just recently I had to block him from my phone. He kept on trying to get me back. But at that point I had already moved on. months had passed in 2024 I broke up with his dude in late Feb. I did not find the relationship that I am in now with my Gram Cracker.

It was months before he was trying to figure out why I stopped coming around his place. The very last fight I had with his man was when his father died and about 4 months after that he got really drunk. I had enough of him waking me up every 1 to 2 hours. Working 80-hour weeks and taking on Over Time when I can. You can only imagine how little sleep I have gotten. Complained that i took ALL of his inheritance when I had only made him pay me back from the money, I lent him and not a penny more. He blew thur 90k already.

but somehow that was my fault! all the back and fouth I couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't hold down a job that I went out of my way for him to get. He said something that I will never forget. He said that's it's not his fault that I move my boundaries.

Everything in that moment stopped. It was like a flick of a switch. I could no longer be mad at him. He was right! I picked up my stuff and left. He wanted to argue more, and I let him. I didn't say much I let him do all the talking. At this point, I was done, and I was at peace because of it.

When we broke up, he told me that I will be back. I told him that I knew he was drunk and may not remember much but he'd would remember this. And I walked out. Never said anything else. Never did a grand blow out last hurrah hurrah. I was just done.

Never thought about him again until he started calling asking me where the fuck I was at. I told him I was living life. The way I was supposed to.

Him: Why haven't I been around? Me: You don't break up with someone to see them more, right?

Him: When will I coming back?

Me: Never! at least not like that. You want a friend than sure we can be friends. No more No less.

At this point I could already tell he was drunk either getting drunk or finally coming down from it either way He wasn't him.

i don remember much of the conversation that I had with him. It didn't last long at all. The topic of money came up again and i told him as clear as day.

"You are such a waste! You need help or a woman who has no problem you being drunk all the time. you are one skill away to becoming a millionaire...sobriety!

Before I hung up the phone and blocked him for good. I'm a no Bullshit type person. I'll give you a second chance but that's it only a second chance.

[hope7777777]

8th April 2025

19:10

Sobriety Day 36

Evening guys. Dang I wish I was still writing in this blog everyday but I promise to try! So no real updates. Still sober 🫶🏻 and I couldn’t fully give up tobacco but I have bought a vape so maybe that’ll help? Here’s to hoping 🤞🏻

I actually had a dental consultation yesterday as I’ve always wanted straight white teeth and I have a gap in the front two so by June I’ll have a brand new smile 😁 and I’m planning to move to a whole new country afterwards. I still haven’t passed my driving but I’m going to wait until after I’ve moved. Most things are looking up, I still need to tackle my weight and health but I’ll blog my diet and exercise, keep myself accountable haha

Anyway, have a wonderful evening SoBro’s

[hikeyzz]

day 6 of sobriety - still sux, still doing it

(put the rest under read more just bc it's not my usual kinda posting)

it feels like i've been rubbed raw and every nerve ending is exposed so every gust of wind or light touch feels like fire. but i've had more energy, way more motivation, and feel more real and alive than i have in a long, long time. still haven't told many people i'm doing this. honestly feels sorta shameful and embarrassing when the common understanding is that you can't get addicted to a non-addictive substance (even if that's not rlly fully true). also feels like i'm faking it bc i didn't really hit a rock bottom. but am trying to unlearn what i've been taught about addiction and recovery. this shit's harder than i thought but now i understand why i was never successful at "just stopping" or moderating myself in the past. i can do hard things and i can do this.

[rawhoneyvoid]

Quitting the za

Well. I've always wanted to start a blog and I thought what better way than to retreat back to the dark ages of my life (12-16, evidently) and try it out on tumblr. I've never posted on here but was always an avid consumer of ship content and shit content lol.

Truly, what pulled me approximately 5.4 minutes ago to begin this journey that will last an unknown amount of time (perhaps this will be my only post? hopefully not.) was 1. the fact that I have been trained to consume more than I create since said dark ages and 2. I want something to keep myself accountable for the foreseeable future.

Yes friends and significant others are great but a public journal sounds nice and embarrassing and useful.

So. I wanted to discuss how I have been attempting to quit "the za", "mary jane", etc etc (I can't remember if drug mention will get me shadow banned or anything stupid on here yet). No judgement to anyone who does it. In fact, I'm jealous of you. I just know I can't keep handling it with my brain chemistry.

It's been officially over a month after years of daily use. I broke twice. I'm not proud of that. And most days are really hard. But I drew outside for hours for the first time in ages today and that was nice. I hope to do it again. Maybe I'll share some of them.

Anyways thanks if you read this at all. I hope you are doing okay. Drink some water. Eat a fruit. Go outside. It's worth it.

[syringe3]

Merely a form of reconnection to source...

1. Moving out of that old house is much more life-changing than I expected. My new room feels empty, blank, and it's too white. White walls, white sheets, white floor, I feel like I'm on a hospital, it's not cozy or lived in like my old room, and this takes away of my comfort. Everything is so clean it makes me feel dirty, like I don't belong.

[melomanic-logophile]

I am 8 days sober (from alcohol), I’m so thankful to have a clearer mind. Life still sucks, but things are looking better.

[sunkissed-optimist]

would be getting high out of my mind today if not for ..... (Peeta mellark voice).... the baby