#some of my favs were published in 2020 too

[damianbugs]

hi saki hiii if it's not 2 much of a bother, do u have a link to a batman reading list w some of the older comics u often talk abt? despite The Disease I've only read maybe 4 actual Bruce Wayne centered runs

-Angel 🫶🏾

HI ANGEL !!! unfortunately i have not yet found a good reading list of older batman comics. most of them are just like "read every single thing published since 1940" and like, okay, fair enough, but also no one wants to do that.

fortunately this gave me an excuse to look through my own fav reads and compile a short list to get you started! the thing about older batman comics is that (personally) they are far more easier to follow compared to modern day comics, so once you get familiar with the older style and layouts, it's so easy to just find the kind of stories you want to read!

most of these are published after the 1970s but all of them are before the New 52 (2011) !!

for a more concise list (+content/trigger warnings) you can find this reading list on my comic geeks.

> Batman: Legends of The Dark Knight

now this collection features over 200 issues and a dozen writers BUT it's because it's full of 2-4 issue short stories. out of these, the ones i recommend most to begin with are; #16-20 (venom), #39-40 (mask), #100 (the choice).

if you like the tone of these, then i would recommend reading the other stories too. great thing is that they're not connected to each other at all, so if you don't like one then you can skip it no problem. i definitely jumped over a few writers and weird stories when reading.

> Batman 1940

now from the main run itself, the advice to just read everything published is not worth it. some of these stories really just drag or are super confusing.

some favourites of mine to start with are; #402-403 (One Batman Too Many), #423 (You Shoulda Seen Him...) and of course, #404-#408 (Batman Year One).

> Detective Comics

now i have always been of the opinion that tec is the better of the two main runs, and you can really see the quality of story telling shine in older comics !

a few of my favourite issues are: #408 (The House That Haunted Batman), #439 (The Night of the Stalker), #457 (There is No Hope in Crime Alley!), #573-574 (My Beginning... and my Probable End) and #598-#600 (Blind Justice).

> The Brave and The Bold

all runs of tbatb runs, whether that be the 1950, 1990, 2007 or even present 2023 run, are so good !!!

for an older story, #93 (published 1970) is my favourite !!

> Batman Black and White

okay so i know i have been giving singular issue recs up until now but i am so serious when i say you should just read every single issue of Batman Black and White. there are three runs, the 1996, 2014 and 2020 with only around 6 issues each. some of the best and truly life changing stories are within it.

in fact, my all time number one favourite batman comic EVER is published in #1 of the 1996 run (Perpetual Mourning). there will never be a batman story ever like it again.

> Other Stories

there was something in the air during the 1990s, because some of the best ever batman stories were published during that time. i fear there has truly never been such a stacked decade like that one.

a few essential must reads from 1980s-1990s; Batman The Cult, Batman: Night Cries, Batman: War on Crime, Batman: The Ultimate Evil, Batman: Son of the Demon.

happy reading!!!!

[forever-will-last]

HEY!! what're your fav cadina fanfics? and do you have any suggestions for new fanfic writers 😭

omg okay so i saw this morning while i was at work and knew this had to wait until i got home to get my FULL attention and then i had to stay at work late so here we go!!! this is LONG so i put it all under the cut!

cadina fic recs (first, some ones from my friends, and then many others i heavily recommend, in no particular order):

Get in, Loser! We're going... to fall in love? - SUPER cute slow burn made by the incredible amazing talented stunning 16Sydd16. Genuinely one of my favorite Cadina fics of all time.

ANYTHING by the Cadina Captain herself, Chisamaya. Maya's been holding down the Cadina fort for YEARS and has 13 INCREDIBLE Cadina fics on her AO3. She's also on Tumblr @chisamayas and posts super cute fanart of Mean Girls and Cadina all the time! My personal favorite fic of hers is Collared (very smutty pet play fic) and I will live and die a Collared stan.

can i come and sweep you off your feet? - super adorable (and angsty at some points, especially for poor regina) fame AU by my very talented friend ninesixtheenths / @girlkisser-wieners on Tumblr! i absolutely also recommend her rugby fic, which is rejanis but is 10/10.

(mean girls) series by anonymous - this is from another friend of mine who posts these anonymously instead of tying them to her account. there are SO MANY good ones in here (12 at time of writing this) including a soulmates au, a superhero au, and some GREAT character studies of both regina and cady. there are a few rejanis fics in this series too but they're all phenomenal.

okay onto fics that aren't from my friends but i heavily recommend, in no particular order:

Mirror Me Back - okay i know i said no particular order but this one's a lie. if you haven't read MMB yet, stop what you're doing and read it right now. it's very smut heavy, however, this is genuinely the fic that got me into writing for this fandom and it is one of the best fics i've ever read across any fandom. every day i perform rituals for an update /j

On Predators and Pack Dynamics - omegaverse fic that is genuinely incredible. obviously very smut heavy but i love the characterization of them here and i also often pray for updates on this one.

if i could tell her (how she's everything to me) - role reversal & arts high school AU from 2020 where cady is the popular one and regina is a little socially awkward. very cute, very sweet, very fun.

Pretty Girls - mean girls 2024 rewrite where cady and regina were anonymous pen pals before cady moved to evanston. really loved this one!! one of the first i read in the tag.

To You, I Can Admit That I'm Just Too Soft for All of It - grad school au that i absolutely LOVE. the chapters are unordered snippets but they are so cute and fun. the author also does some social media stuff with it, i believe on tumblr, so it's a cute little tie in!!

you would find her in a polaroid picture - SUPER good college au!! genuinely recommend anything this author writes tbh i adore their stuff!!

i choose you and me, religiously - once again recommending anything this author writes as well. SO talented. this one is a slow burn idiots in love au and it's just. chef's kiss. muah. i love it.

to answer the other part of your question, about the writing advice, my genuine main piece of advice is to just keep writing. even if it's stuff you don't intend to publish, or a half-baked idea. write drabbles for yourself and just let the words get on the page. i used to publish in a different fandom circa 2017-2019 and hadn't published in YEARS until i started writing a thousand pictures (well, really, don't look for me, but ya know, this all REALLY took off with a thousand pictures). despite the fact that i haven't published in a very long time i never really stopped writing. my google drive is full of folders of assorted drabbles of self indulgent bullshit. snippets from other fandoms, self insert scenarios, some original ideas that with a lot more cooking, could potentially be novel worthy one day. (i am a LONG ways off from that though lol)

my point is, publishing fic can be daunting. even writing coherent or long enough fic to make a cohesive story can be daunting at first. it's better to write for yourself and get the practice of writing even just singular or small series of scenes if you aren't ready for a full fic yet. writing should be fun! make sure you're having fun doing it and trying not to stress the details too much!

if you have any other questions about writing please feel free to ask!! i love talking about my process and stuff and am always willing to share gjsnkgng

[wikifuck]

Writeblr intro

Hello! I'm KAKi, I go by he/him and I write original fiction (I suppose if I were to find a fandom I liked I would write fanfiction too)

About my writing:

I like writing character-based stories, so my main genre is romance, but I love learning and branching out. I like having a "gimmick" in my work, so I often write fantasy because magic gives more variety.

I like writing short stories and novellas that usually turn into series. I want my work to be easy to jump into and satisfying to put down once you are done reading. This is probably a bad marketing tactic, but I don't mind being unmarketable.

I generally strive to write stuff I would myself want to read. This means grounded, soft and cosy stuff where most conflict comes from the world and not from the relationships. I don't really care for melodrama. I had a traumatic childhood, so I like seeing the characters I like happy and thriving. I also try to keep my casts of characters diverse and nuanced, feeling more like real people than characters. Is this an impossible task? Maybe, but I like having a goal to work toward.

You can find my Wattpad and my first book here. I have so far published a fantasy romance novella, a collection of fantasy short stories and some standalone horror short stories.

My WIPs:

You can find the post containing my WIPs here

Genres:

-Fluffy Romance

-Fantasy

About me:

I was born in 2002 and I live in Finland

I started writing regularly in 2020, but I have been a storyteller all my life. I lost quite a few friends as a kid due to info dumping to them about my stories too much ^^'

I'm neurodivergent and part of the lgbta+ community

I have a fascination with psychology and families/family trees, and I incorporate both into my writing

I would like to be a director of my own show one day

Why am I here?

I started this blog in hopes of finding new friends, finding mentors and peers who like reading/writing and getting feedback on my writing and how to improve the way I write characters from different groups and backgrounds.

I would like to encourage constructive feedback on this page as much as possible. As an autistic person, I find the lack of feedback in my normal life frustrating.

Suggest me things, ask me things, infodump to me about the shit you like, introduce me to your fav Thing and get me to make it my whole personality for a week!

When it comes to beta and alpha reading, I'm of course always looking for new ones as my projects move forward, and I will also do it for you in bite-sized chunks.

For anyone worried about spam liking/reblogging/commenting, don't be. Give me all of it. And feel free to tag me in any games, tho maybe DM me how they work first in case I'm too chickenshit to ask.

[absolutebl]

Hi, absolutebl.......Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shoujo/josei manga and het romance kdrama equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujo and het romance decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read or watch mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...

What do you think happen to me? (Sorry for this weird ask)

Really love your blog....Thank you so much, for sharing your BL analyses, reviews and recs. I learn a lot from you. Some of my fav BL series, I found them from you.....Thanks.....

Do you mind if I ask again for BL recs? Because I know here are users that did not want to receive different asks from the same person.....

Also, have you watched dmbj or read orv? Both series based on a novels that have very strong bromance vibe.....

Do you know that sotus, manner of death and 2together are adapted into manga? Before I found your blog, BL that I read are from manga and manhwa, and I was surprised when I knew that the series above are from thai drama (I know the manga first, sorry).....

Last ask, what do you think about BL or GL that make it better than het romance? Do you feel that too?

Sorry for this very long ask, if you mind, I will not ask again......Hope you have a wonderful day.....

Honestly I don't know. But I can say it happened to me with manga a very long time ago. I switched from reading bodice rippers to yaoi and pretty much stopped reading anything het romance after that. (I still read scifi & fantasy that's not primarily romance, although not as much as I once did.)

Fortunately for me, the M/M self publishing revolution, and then BL, came along.

That said, I did pick up Kdramas (via Kpop), and they are now the only het I watch.

I've gone through phases where yaoi or m/m or BL was ALL I was consuming for a couple years. And then just stopped. Stared reading more widely for a while. (I'm making the comparison with books because I have never had the opportunity to do this level of obsession with cinema before, there has never before been enough on screen queer romances for me to just watch those and nothing else until 2020. Now there is.

Honestly, I don't know why this happened or me, or anyone else.

To understand why we like a thing, let alone obsesses or fixate on a thing, is so complex. Maybe it's because I come out of kink but I've learned to just go with the fetish... as it were.

It's like trying to understand why you like a particular dish, song, fashion, color, painting, architecture, even a plant or animal. I mean we can come up with explanations, flavor profiles, childhood formation of taste, family backgrounds, and so forth. Or academic analysis to do with disenfranchisement and the psychological appeal of narrative and beauty.

But sometimes often we like a thing because we like a thing.

I know, for humans, the "why" is our most powerful question. (Marketing also knows this, incidentally.) One of the reasons we tell stories AT ALL (to ourselves, to others, around a campfire in ancient times) is our search for the eternal why. It gave us mythology. It gave us religion.

But sometimes, especially with art, I feel like it's better just to dwell in wonder and grey spaces. The awe and the enjoyment itself, without understanding, it part of the experience.

Worship at the church of BL? Is that what this is? Maybe?

Some kinda thoughts anyway?

Generally these narratives provide a sense of comfort. Perhaps our love is something to do with characters who normally struggle (and usually are marginalized, tortured, killed and/or miserable) getting their happy evers? Perhaps it's because it's pure fantasy in terms of relationship. (I think for a lot of straight women there is something profoundly alluring in a gay relationship that they had/have no chance of every experiencing or being part of, the otherness itself is part of the appeal.) Perhaps its the lack, we never before had enough content to get obsessed over it to this level. (Let's not talk about the number of times I rewatched Latter Days after I got it on DVD, okay?)

I mean it's worth putting yourself through a thought experiment. Write down a list of ten things you like about BL that make it differnet from other kinds of media.

But you may find it's just like "why do I eat at Wendy's instead of Burger King?"

Because I like it better. They do the thing I like. (Spicy chicken sandwitch, FYI).

Perhaps it's something more profound, a kind of narrative sexual identity. It's the thing you desire. Then again, I'm pretty fluid in my desires, so I am comfortable with the idea of being attracted to different people at different points in my life. Just like being into different kinds of media at different times in my life.

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, so long as:

It's not to addition level (damaging your emotional/financial well being)

You're comfortable with the notion that your tastes may change again

Other Questions

Do you mind if I ask again for BL recs? Because I know here are users that did not want to receive different asks from the same person.....

I am always happy to give out BL recs! The more specific the better. I consider it my primary service to humanity, at this juncture.

Also, no offense but I get so many asks from so many people I rarely remember who's asked me stuff before. Unless you have a very notable icon or style of writing, or interact with me regularly in comments & DMs. My memory is CRAPTASTIC. And I run multiple social media accounts several of which have much higher volume interactions than this one. It's not you it's the law of Dunbar's number. The human brain only really has the capacity for 150 social connections. And frankly, I don't know if I can manage even that many anymore.

Also, have you watched dmbj or read orv? Both series based on a novels that have very strong bromance vibe…..

Nope. I don't watch bromances if I can help it. Too much actual kissing these days to distract me, and I am one of those who wants some kissing for my queers.

Do you know that sotus, manner of death and 2together are adapted into manga? Before I found your blog, BL that I read are from manga and manhwa, and I was surprised when I knew that the series above are from thai drama (I know the manga first, sorry)…..

Yes and Yen Press picked up SOTUS for the USA print market. I'm hope to read that someday. I haven't tried MoD or 2g. I tend not to read reverse adaptations in general, not sure why. Also, I went off manga when it went primarily online. Never even experienced the manwha revolution. I'm old school enough to not enjoy graphic media scrolling. I miss turning pages "backwards" and getting amused my misstranslations.

Last ask, what do you think about BL or GL that make it better than het romance? Do you feel that too?

I don't like a value judgement like "better" on pop culture. I would just say "I personally enjoy it more" so I guess "better for me" would be how I might put it?

In my case? I think it's primarily that I spend so much of my life with little to no queer romance in it. And I mean modern romance all sappy and happy and cheesy and safe. It's just pure joy to have it available to me in such volume on my screen with such pretty trappings, flawed as it may be.

But also.

I just like it.

[sometimesanalice]

Hello, Alexa!☺️

How are you?

A bit of a random Q, but! I remember you saying that the first fanfic you wrote

was ‘Oh Christmas Tree' and I was just wondering if there was any other fandoms

you ever thought about writing for? Even if you don’t want to publish them! :) An even more general question, what other fandoms would you say you're into?

I know it's a little random, but I just love hearing about other people's interests/loves! 🥰

(I’m sorry if you’ve answered these in some way before)

Have a lovely weekend!

Hi Bo!! 🌟 I'm so good! I'm having the best afternoon with some coffee and a treat from Trader Joe's and working on a fluffy oneshot! I hope you're doing well! I love seeing you pop in my inbox!

The call of Bradley with a pine tree allergy and getting his best girl a fluffy pink one was too strong for me to resist! It was such a new thing for me that I wrote the whole thing on the notes app on my phone, it didn't even cross my mind to open a word doc for it, lol.

It's such a funny thing that for the years and years that I've jotted down ideas and dialogue that I never once thought of actually sitting down and trying my hand at writing fanfic until last year!

More for you under the cut!

My first foray into fandom and fanfic was when I was a nugget out there wilding on fanfic.net and shipping Clark/Lana from Smallville and Padme/Anakin from Star Wars. (back when I didn't even know what shipping meant, lol)

In college, I didn't have much time to read books because of all the school work, so I turned to fanfic again and got really into The Hunger Games. Dandelion Peeta had my heart, and all the modern AUs really softened the dystopian angst. That fandom had so many truly terrific writers, ones that I still follow even today.

Which is how I ended up becoming a big The 100 girlie. Some of my favorite THG authors started posting and writing for a couple of the main characters on that show and I was hooked. (it's been a lot of fun to learn that some of my fav TGM babes were also the 100 babes, so we've trauma bonded over it, haha)

And let me tell you, I need to be financially COMPENSATED by the CW for the chokehold this man had on me for like 5 years. (the hair! the gravely voice! the chin dimple! the biceps! the grumpy king with a heart of gold!)

If I was going to write for another fandom, it would be that one. Bellarke (bellamy blake and clarke griffin) still has my heart. At the height of it, I was spending hours every day reading fic for them. The chemistry between them was bananas and every week I was waiting on baited breath for any little interaction between them. It's funny now because the actors are actually married now, haha! The show gave us crumbs and went out with such a tragic whimper, but the fandom and the incredible talent there is probably why I was so invested and still read fics about them on AO3.

When I reread my favorite series The Winners Trilogy by Marie Rutkoski I fall DEEP into an Arin/Kestrel spiral. It's such an underrated YA series that I'm pretty sure I've read every piece of fanfiction that's out there (which isn't nearly enough) at least 5 times.

There was a brief Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen GOT era, but it was short lived.

I also like the Darkling/Alina dynamic from Shadow and Bone. I read the series when the books first came out before the show, and wasn't particularly enamored with them as a couple. But then they had to go and cast the pretty bearded attention whore that is Ben Barnes and I had simply no choice but to ship, lol.

I always joke and say that I don't pick the hyperfixations, that they choose me. But it's really true. The 100 ended in 2020 and I didn't have anything really capture my attention in the same way until TGM. This is the first fandom that I've really participated in, like getting to know other people and creating content! And it's been so wonderful!

Oof! Well, this got out of control quickly, lol. This was such a fun ask to get! I haven't been asked before, so I really went off the deep end here giving you my full life fandom history, haha!

[fallenraffe]

10. Hollywood Playboy by Natasha Madison (3*)

<b>3 stars</b>

<i>reread</i> | <i>og rating : 3 stars</i>

<i>2024. Jan 11 | audiobook</i>

this book was pretty much how I remembered it: a quick and fun read (but had potential to be sm better)

I love the concept, a famous Hollywood actor x entertainment journalist, such a fun idea and potential for some great e2l angsty fun (if only lmao)

nah honestly the whole promo thing may have been a bit out there, but not at all beyond the realm of possibility, what was hard to believe tho: the fact that it was only him on that promo tour with the journalists like hello💀 no director, no fellow actors, nada. he had a love interest in the movie and the actress showed up for one (1) of the premiers, and it wasn't even the official premier at that, like💀 I get that he's the big star and all, but that's just not how these things work, so some suspense of belief was required. it struck me as odd when I first read it and it continued to baffle me now too xd

also the e2l, like. Jessica's dislike - I got where she was coming from, but it didn't feel all that warranted, it was v <i>ohh im trying run this story about his private life, but the bastard always addresses the situation before I can hit publish, what an asshole</i>. However on Tyler's end his dislike and wariness was legit and understandable and the idea of an actor getting chummy with one of the "vultures" just teemed with the angst potential.

alas Tyler got over his dislike of Jessica with spectacular ease and soon he was busy ogling her ass while she was running, thinking about kissing her, getting jealous and wanting to spend time with her, like things went from 0 to 100 v quick, especially given his initial issues, but oh well

the Cassie thing.. I ain't gonna begrudge it, cos ✨drama✨ but like.. ik she was in love with him and all, but originally she disliked Jess on behalf of Tyler and he jumped ship pretty quick, while she remained on board the <i>SSR the Jess is the devil</i> passengers : 1. and ofc her dislike branched into jealousy, but she stepped over boundaries left and right and Tyler was such a pussy when it came to her, he had ample opportunity to lay down the law and yeah he tried some, but not too hard and she clearly didn't take him seriously and I feel like all that stuff at the end could've been avoided had Tyler been clearer/stronger with Cassie. but like I said I live for the drama, so I could deal, I'm just sayin.. it all could've been avoided relatively easily

also lots of telling instead of showing😭

so yeah the book was far from perfect and I've been focusing on listing issues instead of the good, but I've actually enjoyed this, even if it might not seem like it😂 I liked Tyler, Jessica was fine, they were fun together and had some great moments - <b>epilogue no.2 was a particular fav🥺</b> I'm just lowkey a lil mad cos the concept had sm potential, but the execution was just okay

e n way, this was a quick and fun Hollywood romance, nothing groundbreaking, but it didn't have to be

also, the book may have been 3/5, but the audiobook? 5/5 it was phenom, I loved the narrators and it was DUET narration, my beloved

(Ax2, DUET

Ns💜)

__________________________________________

read: 2020. May 16-17

3 stars

kindle

[the-letter-horror-lover]

Gog-ruto by Hamm-Ram

Anime » Naruto Rated: K, English, Humor & Family, Naruto U., Hinata H., Boruto U., Sarada U., Words: 1k+, Favs: 43, Follows: 19, Published: Nov 30, 2020

3

This is a cute story I came up with while watching Naruto Shippuden

"Mom, I'm home!" Boruto said. "Sarada's here too."

"I'm in the attic!" Hinata said. "I'm going through some stuff. Could you come help me?"

"Sure! Wanna help, Sarada?"

"Why not? Mom's working late tonight."

So the two of them went up to the attic, finding Boruto's mom Hinata Hyuga Uzumaki lifting a heavy box.

"Thanks for helping me, sweetie. You too, Sarada-chan."

"No problem, Mrs. Uzumaki. We were going to go hang out with everyone, but decided to help you out."

"Yeah. You work hard, so I should help out. Also, if I didn't, Sarada and I might have fallen for the old crash trap."

"Yeah, I probably would've done that."

"What's the crash trap?"

"It's when mom knocks over a bunch of stuff, and I come up here to make sure she's okay and then she traps me."

"You'd think you'd stop falling for that."

"Hey, I hear someone in trouble, I help. I always realize it too late."

"It's true, he does. He always forgets about it till after he's trapped."

As they all continued sifting through the attic to clean and sort through some stuff, Sarada found a box with Naruto's face on it.

"Is this Lord Seventh's?" Sarada asked.

"Oh, yes. That's everything from his old apartment."

"That's all dad had?"

"Well, your father was treated unfairly by the villagers because of Kurama."

"Kurama?"

"That's what dad calls the fox."

"Well, that is the fox's name. Anyway, your father, being an orphan, didn't have a whole lot of things. He managed the bare essentials, but not much else."

"So goggles are bare essentials?" Boruto asked as he pulled out a pair of faded green goggles.

Hinata gasped as she took them.

"Oh my goodness. I haven't seen these in years. You know, before Iruka-sensei gave Naruto his headband, your father wore these all the time. He stopped wearing them after becoming a genin. They were a defining feature of his. Well, that and his cute whiskers. I loved stroking those and even licking them when he made lo-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa mom! TMI!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Boruto. I just got caught up in my reminiscence."

"So dad stopped wearing these?" Boruto asked. He took a moment to look at the mirror in the attic and put the goggles on.

"Oh, you look just like your father. I have to get a picture!"

"Whoa, mom!"

"Don't worry. It's just for the family."

"Okay, fine." So Boruto let his mom take a picture. However, he heard two clicks. "Mom, did you double-click again?"

"No, I don't think so."

Boruto turned to the only other person in the room, who had her phone out.

"Sorry, couldn't resist. Don't worry. I'll only show my mom." 'And Chocho.'

"Sarada give me that phone right now!"

"Make me, Gog-ruto."

"That's it!"

Sarada ran toward the door as Boruto chased after her, leaving Hinata alone.

"Ah, young love. I should send this to Naruto."

"Sarada get back here and give me that phone!"

"No way!"

It wasn't just because of the picture she just took of him. She had quite a few pictures of him, including some that required some creativity to take. No way was he gonna let him see those pictures.

Once downstairs, Boruto grunted as he searched for Sarada. He passed by Himawari's room.

"Himawari, have you seen Sarada?"

"Yeah, yesterday I saw her at the store and-"

"Today. Have you seen her in the last couple minutes?"

"Oh. No, I haven't." Himawari smiled as Boruto continued to walk.

"Okay." Boruto started walking until stepping back. "Wait a second. Why does that stuffed bear have Sarada's phone and glasses?" Suddenly the stuffed bear in question threw a mini paper bomb at him. Not enough to do damage but enough to stun him as it turned into Sarada and ran out. "GET BACK HERE!"

Sarada and Boruto bolted out of the house as Himawari came out.

"What were those things on big brother's head?"

-20 seconds later a mile away-

"I wish I was skinnier," Chocho said walking with Inojin and Shikadai and eating chips. "How am I supposed to find my prince charming with this?"

"Well, maybe your prince will prefer rounded women," Inojin said.

"Dude, you have got to cool it with the brutal honesty," Shikadai said. "Learn some tact. Besides, Chocho, my dad said that to keep your dad from being self-conscious about his weight, their sensei would call him 'pleasantly plump'."

"Maybe but- Oh, there's Sarada. Hey Sarada, do you think I'm-?"

"Can't talk! Running!" Sarada said as she jumped over Chocho.

"And people call me rude. Why is she running?"

"SARADA UCHIHA GIVE ME THAT PHONE!" Inojin was bowled over as Boruto bolted(hehe) toward Sarada.

"That answer your question?" Chocho said.

"Did anyone else see something on Boruto's head, or was it just me?" Shikadai asked.

"How is this father?" Metal Lee asked about to attempt the dancing leaf shadow when he was bowled over.

"Son! Are you alright?"

"Fine, but I think I saw Boruto wearing goggles."

"Okay, I'm taking you to the hospital."

-15 seconds later-

"Being a teacher is a lot harder than I thought, but Kurenai-sensei believes in me, so I must do the same," Shino said. He saw a huge dust cloud and saw two of his students running. They zoomed right by, confusing him. "What was that about?"

-10 minutes later-

"I think I lost him," Sarada said, sitting on top of Naruto's stone head. Then she patted her side but didn't feel her phone. "Oh no, where is it?"

"Give me that phone now so I can erase that picture!" Boruto shouted from behind her.

"I don't have it! I must've dropped it. Also, you do realize you chased me here wearing those goggles?"

Boruto touched his head, and paled as he realized she was right before pocketing the goggles.

"What? They were dad's. Now let's find your phone."

"What not gonna stick your hand in my pockets?"

"Nah, you wouldn't lie about that. Also, if I did, I'd have a one-way express ticket to Shikadai's uncle's."

"You got that right."

-Meanwhile in the office-

Naruto sighed as he signed another form for some reason. He was glad to have Shikamaru around to help him. Naruto heard his phone beep.

"It's a picture from Hinata," Naruto said.

"What, is she sending you pictures in her lingerie now?" Shikamaru asked as Naruto checked, going wide eyed before smiling.

"I had forgotten all about those."

"About what?" Naruto showed Shikamaru the picture, making him chuckle. "Wow. I haven't seen those in so long either. Looks like you did, but less whiskers and smarter."

"Really? You had to go there?"

"Hey, you were the one who goofed off."

"Fair enough."

-five hours later at the Uchiha home-

"Ugh, I can't believe I lost my phone," Sarada said as she reached for the handle. "Mom is going to kill me." She walked inside, and saw her mother in the kitchen. "Hi mom. Sorry I'm late."

"Well, you know you should've called me. Then again, I guess that would've been tough without... this!"

"My phone!" Sarada rushed over and grabbed it. "Oh, thank you mom! Where did you find it?"

"I didn't find it."

"Then who did?"

"That would be me," a male voice said, causing Sarada to turn around and see her father. "I was walking here when I spotted it on the ground. It had our clan's symbol on it, so I assumed it was yours."

"Thanks, dad."

"No problem. I was surprised by that picture."

"What picture?" Sakura asked. Sarada pulled it up on her phone and showed it to Sakura. "Wow. Naruto's old goggles? I can't believe he still had them."

"Guess he couldn't get rid of them," Sasuke said.

-meanwhile back at the Uzumaki house-

"Man, that was exhausting. Can't believe-hmm?" He got a text on his phone. "Oh, cool Sarada found her phone. That's a relief." Boruto opened the door, and got tackled by his sister. "Hey, Himawari, you look excited."

"Yeah, because Daddy's here."

"What?" Boruto entered the dining room, seeing Naruto sitting at the dinner table. "How do I know you're not just a shadow clone?"

"Boruto, how rude!"

"It's fine, Hinata. It's only natural. No, Boruto, I assure you I'm not a shadow clone. I was able to finish work early, and come home for dinner."

"Really?"

"Hey, if you don't believe me, feel free to hit me anywhere."

"Nah." Boruto sat down, and they all started eating. Five minutes of silence and Boruto noticed his father staring at him. "What?"

"Could you put them on? I wanna see for myself." Himawari was confused, but Boruto understood what his father wanted. So he reached into his pocket, and pulled out Naruto's goggles before putting them on himself. "Hmm. I think I made them work better."

"Say what? How can anyone make these goggles look good? Goggles are so lame."

"Hey, they were in style back then. Besides, you try finding a cool look when you're kicked out of every store."

Hinata and Himawari laughed at the father and son banter, bringing some livelyness to the table. When the goggles would be worn again no one knows.

-meanwhile in the afterlife-

"Rin, you don't think goggles are lame do you?" Obito asked.

"Of course not. You made them work."

"Thanks."

so how'd y'all like that cute little story? I had the idea for a while. just a little fun idea to make Boruto a little closer to Naruto.

[diyeoracha]

IwaOi Master Fic Rec List (50+ Fics)

Hello! In celebration accumulating over 190+ bookmarks on my AO3 account featuring IwaOi and Iwaizumi coming back into the manga (and for his (almost) birthday), I decided to create a masterlist of all of my favorite fanfictions in order to keep myself organized as well as contributing to more traffic on those works! I decided to split the works up by my own self-imposed genres, such as angst, coming-of-age (or the childhood-friends-to-lovers trope that we all love which depicts how their relationship changes as they grow up and will mostly be canon-compliant), and alternate universe. With the revival of Iwaizumi in the manga, alternate universes will be broken down into adulting AU where he and Oikawa’s diverge differs from in canon and actual, legit AU where there’s basically no volleyball.

I’ll include the title, link, word count, fic summary, and my own commentary (mostly for my own personal entertainment). While the AO3 fandom has been going strong since 2014, I personally have only been reading IwaOi fics for about 3 months, so I will most likely be recommending some cult-favorites, especially since I’ve been reading my fics by sorting through the tag with the most kudos.

My absolute favorites (or the ones where I personally push onto my IRL haikyuu friends) will be denoted with ♡ in increments of 1-3 with 3 ♡ being an absolute must-read. Fics marked with a * indicate that Iwaizumi or Oikawa or both are professional athletes because that’s honestly my Favorite Trope. This is incomplete as I got distracted while re-reading a lot of these and have only gone through half of my bookmarks, but feel free to check my own page here for the rest of them! This took me about 9 days to compile (aka this was in my drafts for about 9 days) but I do hope you guys enjoy reading these and leave comments and kudos!

Adulting AU 

*♡♡Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)

Word count: 19k

Summary: It’s July 10th, 2024, and Oikawa Tooru is an Olympian. His smiling face airs on an NHK promo every 45 seconds. He’s captain of the national men’s volleyball team, reigning star of the professional leagues, and he hasn't spoken to Iwaizumi Hajime in two years.

Thoughts: THIS IS IT. THIS FIC IS GOD TIER. They’ve been separated but now are falling back into old habits and there’s a confession on the line? Akaashi is in here and he’s pretty funny. I reread this all the time.

*♡♡♡the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

Word count: 66k

Summary: Tooru is pretty sure he could manage the mating habits of a mosquito. It’s the mating habits of people he can’t seem to get right.

Thoughts: Absolutely the best IwaOi fic I’ve ever read. I’ve reread this about 4x and I always pay attention to a new sentence or detail that leaves me breathless. The characterization is pretty spot on, and I have to admit that this fic made me appreciate IwaOi a little more. I’ve cried countless times too. A cult-favorite but it doesn’t have nearly as many hits as it deserves.

♡days fall away

Word count: 17k

Summary: Except now he’s back home, so close to his old haunts and to Oikawa himself, and it's—weird.

Thoughts: They’ve separated for a bit but now they’re back in the same city and learning to be around each other again. Cue teasing from the biological and Seijoh family

it's been so long (nobody knows me the way you do)

Word count: 8k

Summary: Tooru hums, only half-listening. Somewhere along the way, Hajime’s palm has settled itself over the curve of Tooru’s cheek, thumb tracing over the line of his jaw.

Thoughts: They’re living together post-college feat. snapshots from their lives before getting together and their Seijoh team! It’s really soft but it manages a humorous tone as well.

Time

Word count: 5k

Summary: When they're twenty-three, their story only begins.

Thoughts: A piecewise fic told from Oikawa’s point of view. The tone is almost chatty but it really fits the pacing of the work as you get snippets and sentences of their relationship throughout the years

♡Almost a Stranger

Word count: 16k

Summary: Iwa-chan's leaving Japan. Tooru's not sure he can forgive him, but he's not going to admit his long-held feelings, either. A trip to Miyajima complicates everything.

Thoughts: They go on vacation right before Iwaizumi leaves Oikawa for a year. Oikawa ponders their relationship.

where fireflies never die

Word count: 4k

Summary: >>Oikawa: Hey Iwa-chan >>Oikawa: Did I ruin it?

Thoughts: Oikawa is a mangaka and basically writes his best selling series based off of him and Iwaizumi. This was pretty angsty ngl with a lot of introspection and second-guessing.

In the Business of Love

Word count: 22k

Summary: Meet Oikawa Tooru: He's a best-selling shoujo manga artist, a hardcore romantic and you won't believe where he's getting his lovey dovey fodder from...Enter Iwaizumi Hajime: He's Oikawa's best friend, a realist who also happens to be a wedding magazine writer despite not believing in romance...

Thoughts: Mangaka Oikawa but this is basically a rom-com lmao

Alternate Universe

Even Heroes (have the right to dream) 

Word count: 20k 

Summary: Oikawa Tooru, ace reporter of the superhero beat of Asahi Shimbun, hates superheroes. Or maybe he just hasn’t met the knight one yet. 

Thoughts: Superhero-hiding-his-identity-Iwaizumi and begrudging Oikawa? Sign me up. This fic spent a little more time on worldbuilding than eventual romance, but it is still absolutely unique and entertaining

The secret omega

Word count: 17k

Summary: Iwaizumi’s annoying as fuck best friend. Who absolutely, definitely, no matter what, cannot find out that Iwaizumi is an omega.

Thoughts: A/B/O dynamics where Iwa is the omega and Oikawa is the alpha. 90% plot building which is pretty nice.

Conquering the Great King

Word count: 105k

Summary: Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

Thoughts: Malicious and flirtatious Oikawa meet immovable object Iwaizumi. They’re businessmen trying to navigate friends-with-benefits and love all at the same time. A+ sex scenes tbh. 

♡Infinite Risks

Word count: 8k

Summary: “It’s my fate,” Oikawa responds slowly. He’s crying.“It’s too lonely,” Iwaizumi’s heart sounded broken. “And I’m not there with you. Not really.”

Thoughts: Edge of Tomorrow AU!!!!! Please watch Edge of Tomorrow first because it’s truly a brilliant movie that I wholly enjoyed and this fic reflects that. This also made me really sad so Beware

*♡Something Like Us

Word count: 28k

Summary: Friends since childhood, Oikawa and Iwaizumi now live together, both playing for the National Team. It's no secret that athletes who are bonded perform better. So if the two of them happen to bond...It'd be for the good of the team, right?

Thoughts: ABO dynamics (and somewhat canon-compliant) as they’re roommates, on the national team, and try to navigate being “fake” mated while harboring feelings

And All the Prince’s Men

Word count: 65k

Summary: “Father only loves that which he owns, and I am the one thing that can never truly be his.”

Thoughts: Royal bastard son Oikawa and his servant Iwaizumi. An enthralling read and universe. The romance takes a secondary seat here as it focuses more on plot and world-building. 

♡long nights, no peace

Word count: 18k

Summary: It's the steady knowledge that Iwaizumi Hajime will always be someone that he can rely on, that no matter what the world throws at the two of them, they share in a piece of each other's soul.

Thoughts: Pacific Rim! AU. Otherwise known as my favorite types of AUs because they’re basically soulmates (platonic or not,, but they’re not platonic here)

♡(sing with me) A Song of Conquest and Fate

Word count: 26k

Summary: When Seijou receives a missive from Aobajousai to discuss a potential peace, its emperor Oikawa Tooru could not have foreseen the series of events that would follow.

Thoughts: Warring states/historical fantasy AU. The world building is amazing and this author has great control over her language use

Cotton Breathing

Word count: 13k

Summary: 

Thoughts: Long-distance and summer only but childhood friends Iwaoi!!! A dreamy summer piece and reading it almost makes me feel like I’m in a Studio Ghibli movie because of the mood it puts me in

Similar Creatures

Word count: 53k

Summary: "What's your name?" "Whatever you want it to be."(Or, Oikawa gets directions from an attractive stranger on a street corner.)

Thoughts: Iwaizumi is an escort and Oikawa needs a fancy date

Space

Word count: 44k

Summary: Tries not to think of his rooftop garden, or the apartment he used to inhabit, or Hajime’s broken expression on the night they whispered their goodbyes before Tooru’s launch, attempting to push it all to the back of his mind behind visions of this alien world terraformed

Thoughts: Oikawa’s in outerspace. They’re separated. This left me feeling pretty empty ngl.

♡here comes your man 

Word count: 8k

Summary: Iwa-chan, it reads, Have a good day today! Good luck! <3 <3 <3Suga chokes. It’s hard to imagine anyone calling the scowling and fierce Doctor Iwaizumi “Iwa-chan.” But marriage probably comes with all sorts of liberties.

Thoughts: Doctor AU where Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s relationship is pondered by Suga

In the Telling

Word count: 6k

Summary: Muggleborn Iwaizumi could not be less impressed with pureblood Oikawa Tooru.

Thoughts: Harry Potter AU where they’re in the same year and aren’t really friends but are also friends

♡♡The Loyalty of A Traitor

Word count: 76k

Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime was an undercover officer with a single objective: Infiltrate the Seijoh Syndicate of the Yakuza and tear them down from the inside out. His primary target was the boss, Oikawa Tooru. The job itself was simple enough, until Iwaizumi got in too deep and absconded not only from the mission, but from the city itself.

Thoughts: Oh fuck this was Good. Yakuza boss Oikawa???? Disgraced Iwaizumi??? Do they fall in love (again)?

and suddenly, we were traitors

Word count: 17k

Summary: "sorry, it's just... you’ve been amazingly kind to me these past few days. ...but i'm still not sure who you are.”

Thoughts: The amnesia fic this fandom needed

Trial by Fire

Word count: 78k

Summary: (lawyer!AU - in which Iwaizumi loves his objections, Oikawa is beautiful, and they have more chemistry than two opposing attorneys probably should.)

Thoughts: Hot

dear diary, i met a boy

Word count: 15k

Summary: Iwaizumi's first impression of his upstairs neighbor involves getting woken up at two in the morning to the sound of Oikawa singing along to trashy pop music. He'd thought it would get better, but it all just goes downhill from there.

Thoughts: Model Oikawa and salaryman Iwaizumi meet and try to make it work

on shipwreck shore

Word count: 8k

Summary: “I’m going to murder you in cold blood and feed you to the basilisks,” Iwaizumi says conversationally.“You can’t do that, I’m your boss,” Oikawa sings, positively sparkling. “Also we’re partners, which means,” he points at Iwaizumi and leans in, “you’re stuck with me.”

Thoughts: Detectives but they’re actually funny

♡Lockdown

Word count: 72k

Summary: Within the first few months of his stay, Oikawa gets caught up in a war between cellblocks, becomes a prime target, and must decide just how far he's willing to go to protect Iwaizumi Hajime.

Thoughts: Orange is the New Black AU!!! Im a sl*t for tatted Iwaizumi

an allegory of all the things we could’ve been

Word count: 16k

Summary: “I don’t know anything about some red string,” Iwaizumi murmurs into the cracks of Oikawa’s skin, “or even about lifetimes or fate. But no matter where you are, I’ll find you. Gods or otherwise.”

Thoughts: Reincarnation AU throughout the timelines. A good soft read that leaves you sort of empty

Angst

Timeless (We Have 30 Days)

Word count: 12k

Summary: Or AU where you're branded 50 days before you die. But Oikawa doesn't tell anyone so now there's only 30 days left.

Thoughts: Ahhhhhhhhh tears

the weight of water

Word count: 6k

Summary: “Again,” he says, the smallest tremor in his voice, and Oikawa blinks at him a moment before smiling, soft and sweet. “Iwa-chan,” he replies, and Iwaizumi closes his eyes. “Again.” “Iwa-chan.”

Thoughts: Death fic 

open when

Word count: 1k

Summary: Iwaizumi knew it was coming, but it still hurt. It still hurt when he opens one letter and drowns it in the tears he cannot keep at bay.

Thoughts: It takes only 1.6k words to make me cry

Canon Compliant/Coming-Of-Age

♡♡i sing the body electric

Word count: 8k

Summary: It was never part of the plan, falling in love with his best friend, but then again, most things in Iwaizumi’s life that involve Oikawa rarely unfold the way he thinks they will.

Thoughts: A beautifully introspective piece told from Iwaizumi’s point of view. It’s wholly intimate and it toes along the lines of pining and soft angst. It’s told in snippets from their lives growing up together. 

♡we can do better than that

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa and Iwaizumi go on a road trip during the summer after their high school graduation. It doesn't go as expected, but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.

Thoughts: There’s a lot of character analysis and it takes a step away from the casual banter they’re always portrayed to have and focuses on the intricacies of their relationship. The tone is almost a little more melancholy. (also they have to share a bed! trope)

♡when it starts to rain, they go inside

Word count: 33k

Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?”OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.

Thoughts: Oh This Is It IwaOi stans. This fic really solidified my own headcanon for Oikawa (spoiler alert, OP isn’t too fond of Oikawa but she fleshes out his character and his idiosyncrasies so well that you can’t help but be drawn into all of his imperfection) and this fic respects Iwaizumi as well. It has absolutely great characterization and the fic ends on an ambiguous note. 

to be first, to be best

Word count: 26k

Summary: Hajime is apparently something of a masochist, and as he stares down at the tie-dyed AREA51 T-shirt in his hands, he thinks “I’m totally in love with this asshole, aren't I?”

Thoughts: College roommates trying to navigate having feelings for each other while also dating others and not realizing that they’re jealous? A cult favorite.

♡things that change, things that stay the same

Word count: 8k

Summary: Oikawa realizes he's in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only a while.)

Thoughts: Ahh a slow burn featuring daily moments between Oikawa and Iwaizumi, and Oikawa starts to notice the little things. This was a cute read because Oikawa just comes off as wonderfully earnest. My first Iwaoi fic! And a great one because it really set the standard to how I interpreted their relationship.

it’s better than words

Word count: 3k

Summary: [ or : oikawa makes iwaizumi participate in three bonding activities for new friends, and iwaizumi just wants to know why oikawa's being so weird about this]

Thoughts: Soft pining, fluff, banter, and whispered confessions. This fic really nailed the banter of high school students really well.

♡shiver

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.

Thoughts: Oikawa falls first and but Iwaizumi realizes his feelings later on! So soft, so slow burn, so much pining. We get to see their relationship through Iwaizumi’s eyes and actually read him analyze his own feelings.

♡we shine like diamonds

Word count: 26k

Summary: "You know Abe-kun from class?" they snicker, hands cupped around their mouths like they're passing along a filthy secret. "I hear his older brother is... gay."

Thoughts: Character analysis, homophobia, and coming of age makes a good and angsty iwaoi fic

terrarium

Word count: 11k

Summary: At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Thoughts: Oikawa has a terrarium and names all of the rocks he puts in (that Iwaizumi gave him) “Iwa-chan #_”

Chasing Paper Suns

Word count: 10k

Summary: Post-high school, Oikawa makes it to the national volleyball team but Iwaizumi doesn't. The next three years become an exercise in growing up without growing apart.

Thoughts: This was pretty sad tbh. Of what it means to grow up together and then suddenly having to adjust to living without each other’s presence.

with every second that you could give

Word count: 9k

Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.

Thoughts: Of growing up together, making decisions for each other, and wanting to be together

Only the jellyfish know

Word count: 6k

Summary: Their third and final year at Aoba Jousai has come to an end, and the guys decide to go to the beach the day after graduation.That day, the ocean water is salty, the watermelon is sweet, and the people are sweeter.

Thoughts: Established relationship

Smut

strange.

Word count: 1k

Summary: "god, i fucking hate you."oikawa smiles, cause he knows it's not true. he knows iwaizumi loves him, knows iwaizumi adores him. but he plays along."i hate you too,"

Thoughts: It’s hot

Say My Name 

Word count: 2k

Summary: “Hey, have you ever tried saying my first name?” Iwaizumi blurts, and the thought jumps out of his subconscious only after he's posed the question.

Thoughts:

No Touching Allowed

Word count: 10k

Summary: “You’ve got one rule,” Iwaizumi winks at him.

Thoughts: ExoticDancer!Iwaizumi and stressed out/repressed businessman Oikawa also an AU.

Honorable Mentions

things wikipedia doesn’t tell you

pillow

Phone Home

Share my life, it’s yours to keep

in progress to you

no sleep in the city

The PDA jar

Kissmarked

[gingersnappish]

KYLUX RECS 2020-2021

My Kylux Recs in the last year (Aug, 20 2020 - Aug 20 2021)

SO. MUCH. GOOD. FIC!!! We are really lucky in this fandom to have so much good stuff to read!

Fic is part of the lifeblood of fandom, in my opinion-it shares new ideas and AUs and fleshes out the characters and most of all it inspires and entertains us all and engenders all sorts of feels for the characters-it’s part of what keeps us shipping! So a big ‘thank you’ to all the fic authors out there who work so hard at their craft and are generous enough to share it with all of us!

The following list is by no means comprehensive-there are LOTS and lots more very good fics that have been published in the last year that I haven’t read. I just wanted to offer up a few recs from what I know I enjoyed so far! (I also have more than fits on one list to rec-I’ll try and do another list soon!) As always, I rec based on personal taste, and I highly encourage reading all the tags/warnings on any given work to make sure it’ll be to your taste! -

The Flirtation Of Flowers 

DaisyChainz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771553

Words: 5,917

Rating: Teen

Summary:Kylo runs his farm's stall at the Farmer's Market every weekend. He has a new customer, a gorgeous redhead that is curious about the meanings of his bouquets. Kylo doesn't know anything about that, so he makes stuff up to keep the man coming back every week.

My thoughts on the rec: This is the cutest slice of a modern AU kylux-it really nails Kylo’s personality as a (slightly awkward) flirt who is trying his best and just really likes the redhead who keeps coming to buy flowers. Just a sweet little fic all ‘round!

all i have to do is dream

kyluxtrashcompactor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709426/chapters/44373613

Words: 11,456

Rating: Teen

Summary:Armitage Hux has been going to the same bar every Thursday for the last year, nursing a crush on the gorgeous, unobtainable bartender, Kylo Ren. He finally gets up the courage to ask him out, only to find out he has some unusual competition: the memory of a red-haired boy from Kylo's past, who Kylo swears is the soulmate that got away from him.A fill for this SoftKyluxKinks prompt:Anonymous asked: Benarmie with young Ben (around 11 years old) having a huge crush on Armitage (16). Hux finds it adorable but mostly ignores him because he's a kid. Flash forward a few years when Ben is all grown up and Hux is the one with a huge crush.

My thoughts on the rec: This is another really cute young modern AU! I like the idea that Ren has liked Hux forever, but this deals nicely with the age gap and that Hux really wouldn’t notice Ren back until they are both appropriately older. And they make such a cute couple-it’s a great progression from just ‘he’s hot’-like, there is a lot more to them than that in the end!

Homecoming 

sigo 

(really, read anything by sigo, it’s all my favorite)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150808

Words: 13,450

Rating: Explicit

Summary:“We’re off the next two weeks, you know.”“Yes, I know.” There was emergency construction scheduled to fix cracking asphalt too near a pipe in the center of campus. The buses couldn’t run, and that phenomenon was the only thing that ever cancelled classes. Halloween was dead center in the unplanned time off school, and every bar within a fifteen mile radius would be untenable as the students celebrated. Hux was planning on staying home, catching up on grading. He was rather looking forward to an opportunity to reread his favorite novels. They were already stacked by the couch in preparation.“My family always throws a Halloween party and they got word that I could come this year,” Kylo said, shuffling his feet. He looked almost bashful.“Ren, it’s midnight,” Hux sighed at his infuriating coworker. “Get to it.”“I may have informed my entire family previously that we were dating.”

My thoughts on the rec: One of my all-around fav fics from the last year’s worth of my reading material! It’s got the modern AU vibes down pat without losing their personalities or making them too OOC, it’s got the fake-dating trope done REALLY well, it’s got a wonderful creepy vibe strung delicately throughout for the Halloween haunted setting, it’s got plot and make-outs (and more). Can’t recommend highly enough!

Thaw

thesevioletdelights

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557180/chapters/69982587

Words: 14,316

Rating: Explicit

Summary:They have managed cooperation - efficient cooperation, even - in these past months, which is more than enough. And already nothing short of a miracle for both of them.Still. Ren was a fool to think he could simply run off and keep Hux in the dark.-----When Ren goes missing on a mysterious planet, Hux sets out to find him. He doesn't yet know that he just might find himself.

My thoughts on the rec: This, like all of violet’s fic, is HOT! Like, scorching vibes between them! It’ll draw you in and not let you go ‘til after the boys are ‘done’! And, like all of violet’s fics, the character voices and personalities are also impeccable!

Rocks Break Gifts

elderbwrry

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25840237/chapters/62777839

Words: 16,706

Rating: Mature

Summary:The Rebellion has been crushed, a coup affected, and Supreme Leader Ren and his Grand Marshall Hux have settled into a domestic routine as the joint rulers of the Galaxy. Kylo wants nothing more, now, than to make his relationship with Hux official, but he can't seem to rise to Hux's challenge of a satisfactory proposal.Or, the five times Kylo proposes, and the one time Hux says yes.

My thoughts on the rec: Ahhhhh, the premise in this one is great! Like, I don’t wanna spoil the plot reveal at the end, so I can’t say too much, but there is a really good reason throughout the thing that this is a Five Times type fic and it works! It works so well and while we spend the fic ‘with’ Kylo, when we find out what Hux’s deal is, it is so satisfying! I Paint My Dreams

Marlon

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685907/chapters/65090566

Words: 26,122

Rating: General Audiences

Summary:Kylo Ren is struggling to make a name for himself in the art world but as the grandson of the great Anakin Skywalker, a legendary pop artist of the 1950s and 60s, the weight of his famous family and his own expectations is a lot to bear.After he’s rejected from a prestigious exhibition because his installations “don’t fit the theme”, Kylo heads to the pub to drink away his disappointment. Later that night as he stumbles home, he’s set upon by some would-be thieves but before they can take what’s left of his money, he’s saved by a strange man with unbelievable Medusa-like powers. The ethereally beautiful man, Armitage Hux, is a visitor from Oweynagat and he has a simple proposition for Kylo - room and board in exchange for making all Kylo’s artistic dreams come true.Sounds easy - what could possibly go wrong?

My thoughts on the rec: Oh goodness, where to start? The Irish Mythology and Fae aspect of this fic is superbly woven throughout the whole thing and the author makes it work really well! Like, this is such a unique and original take on the kylux pair, I love them, especially Fae!Hux in this! And the plot is solid and you get invested really heavily in how they are gonna wind up-at least I did! There’s some beautiful language in this-descriptions and dialogue! And I have a soft spot for Artist!Kylo!

Dating a Monster

mysticmilks

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26703904/chapters/65139415

Words: 30,401

Rating: Explicit

Summary:Ben Solo was raised to be a demon hunter, as everyone in his family has been before him. He wanted nothing more than to prove that he was worthy to his family. He lied to them and went on an unauthorized mission to catch and kill an elusive incubus. His search led him to Arkanis University, one of the most prestigious schools in the country.He was sure the mission was going to be easy, before he met the cute freshman Armitage Hux. This meeting would change the fate of both of them.

My thoughts on the rec: Add another really good one to the slightly-creepy-kylux subgenre filled with demons and dark powers! This is a great depiction of Kylo as a very determined demon hunter and Hux as a very unique quarry! I love the tension in parts of this too-well crafted! The Green Ribbon

xzombiexkittenx, Lilander (art)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630845/chapters/70176921

Words: 39,679

Rating: Explicit

Summary:When Ben was fifteen he left the Jedi temple and took extreme measures to prevent the shadowy creature that infiltrated his thoughts from dragging him to the dark side. What he did left him with a great deal of chronic pain and removed his most valuable weapon, but Ben got his stubbornness from every side of the family, even the adopted ones, and he was determined to find and kill the creature.Now Senator Amidala of Naboo, Ben uses his position to make the galaxy a less awful place when he can, but being senator also gave him very useful contacts in his search for the creature. When he met Major Hux of the First Order, Ben thought he could get game-changing information out of him, one way or another, but things rarely go Ben's way and it got complicated much faster than Ben had prepared for. It's never a good idea to mix sex and politics, but Ben takes his fun where he can get it.

My thoughts on the rec: I feel like this is a very original take on ‘Senator Amidala’ Ben, at least from the stuff I’ve read-many props to the author for such a fleshed out universe, filled with likeable, believable OCs, a wonderful plot, great character motivations and voices, and a take on our main man Ben that pulled me in from the get-go! He’s sorta magnetic (in universe and to the reader)! And the sexual tension and sexy bits are very well done! I’m rooting for Ben and Hux in this, on opposites sides though they may be! Comfort Zone

LydiaBSlade

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26783797/chapters/65338117

Words: 66,766

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Hux is running away. He meets a tall, dark, and somewhat annoying stranger at the airport.

My thoughts on the rec: Travel writing at its best; also kylux fic at it’s best! Young, modern them trying to find their places in the world and finding each other in the process is so cute and almost tenderly done in this! This is a gentle, friendly version of modern Kylo that I fell in love with, right along with Hux! And by the way, I’m not kidding when I say travel writing-the southeast asian setting is vivid and enchanting in it’s rich detail! Outnumbered, Outgunned, Outmanuevered, and Winning

Coriesocks, Ellalba (art)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28217253/chapters/69144672

Words: 80,372

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Hux’s plans for ridding the First Order of Kylo Ren are ruined when Ren discovers his deception. With no choice but to flee, Hux ends up in the hands of the Resistance. It’s not ideal, but at least he gets a break from Ren. Until he doesn’t.When Ren starts appearing in Hux’s dreams, Hux wonders if the stress of being a spy has taken more of a toll on his sanity than he’d previously thought. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he has to deal with constant pestering from Poe and a mildly inconvenient kidnapping. Of course, it’s Ren who saves him in the end. There’s clearly no getting away from him.

My thoughts on the rec: A really interesting take on something that is both a alternate rewrite of what could have happened instead of TROS and a TROS-fix-it of sorts! Hux is stellar in this, we really get a good look in his head and Coriesocks handles it masterfully! I really liked how their relationship develops gradually in this, it’s Enemies To Lovers at its best! Bloodlines and Brandy

EmperorsVornskr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989934/chapters/54963601

Words: 130,785

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Sebastian Hux is a native of the Deep South who loathes his origins, and seeks to pull himself from the stifling quagmire, but his bloodlines call him back to the property that has blessed- and plagued- his family for centuries.Unspoken secrets fill his inheritance, skeletons fill every closet, and a monster lurks in the shadows, tied to two bloodlines joined by fate, greed and hatred that has spanned across generations.As Hux learns about his family’s tainted legacy that has now become his burden, he discovers there is more involved than just having to be the curator of property that the locals shun with hushed whispers, that he has inherited more than an estate- he also has a terrible and loathsome horror tied to his very blood.When curious young locals come calling, and Hux’s past tormentors come out of the woodwork to simper and scrabble for a piece of the newly rich, the body count begins to rise, the smell of blood in the old slaughterhouse is getting harder to hide, and Hux realises that he will need to find a better way to pacify the hulking shadow that perches on his roof every night before his hometown’s tiny population is completely decimated.

My thoughts on the rec: This one is EPIC! Like, in length (which it needs every word of for the story that is going on here) and in the great portrayal of Kylo and Hux and their relationship! It’s super original too-not just the plot but the depiction of Kylo as something ‘other’ and the Southern Gothic vibes, and Hux-this is a wonderful take on Hux! He loses none of his edge, in my opinion and yet the reader is ‘with’ him all the way through, rooting for him! The descriptions are killer too-EmperorsVornskr has a felicity of expression that kept me reading (albeit in more than one sitting). Also worth noting that this is a wonderful and carefully handled depiction of trans!Hux, in my admittedly cis opinion. The theme of finding your tribe/your people/and your special someone in this, albeit in sometimes unexpected places is warming! I enjoyed every moment of this fic! Gravity Well

kyluxtrashcompactor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062495/chapters/29879001

Words: 176,421

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Snoke is gone, but his death has solved nothing between Hux and Kylo Ren. The First Order's trust in their leaders wanes as they vie for power over one another, and if they cannot learn to work together, they may both lose everything they've worked for.Forging that alliance after years at each other's throats will not be as easy as letting the past die, however—they will face subterfuge, enemies in the shadows, treachery, and being stranded on a hostile planet with creatures out of nightmare, barely escaping constant danger with their lives while having only one another to rely on.And that is just the beginning.

My thoughts on the rec: I realize this one is very well known by now, but I’ll rec it again for good reason! It’s quality long-fic! I love how competent Hux is in this surival-style fic, even without the Force to save him! And Kylo is a badass! kyluxtrashcompactor is a master of the slow burn here and we’re even lucky enough to be getting a sequel (although Gravity Well will also stand perfectly on its own). The writing in this will draw you in and not let you go!

----

That’s all for now! I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did!  

[1ddotdhq]

Sun 31 Jan ‘21 

Happy Walls Dayyy!!!!!! Today was the first anniversary of our #1 fave debut album of 2020, and we all celebrated, Louis included! Last but best thing first: WE GOT A DEMO!! Louis ended the day by publishing a dreamy clip of a demo of the title song ‘Walls’. His clear voice croons over beautiful sliding electric guitars and background reverberance- if that’s his FIRST draft then he is, as we knew, a GENIUS! AND, the King Himself came on twitter to interact with his “loyal” (his words) subjects (that’s us!). He popped up at first to say that his tour, when it comes around, will be “fucking unbelievable...this is our day!”, and talked about his favorite part of the last year (“the two shows I played”), what he noticed most when performing solo the first times (“the space on stage” ughhhh all the tears), what he was looking forward to after COVID (“everything”) and getting through these times- “remember that everything is going to be better when normality sets back in.” He also explained that while he was gonna put out merch today, he “didn’t want to market the day”, but rather make it “a celebration just for us”. But, uh, the merch will be coming eventually! He then replied that there were “too many greedy fuckers out there” who try turn celebratory events into a “cash grab” (to quote the fan), and harries then got mad at that because THEY were like this must be about Harry (lol uhhhh) and assumed he was shading him and Jeff rather than, I don’t know, his OWN FORMER LABEL?? Cool cool cool, but it’s still Harry’s moth on Spotify, so cope. He told us that his proudest moment on the album was recording the strings for the Walls the Single, that he wouldn’t have approached the process differently because he’s still really proud of the album, that he was most looking forward to us hearing KMM or Walls, that Doncaster is his fav place (to no one’s surprise lmao), and, asked what song he likes to rock out to off HIS ALBUM was like oh hey have I got a rec for you: “Maybe Tomorrow” by the Stereophonics. It goes, “think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile, but be free” and “maybe tomorrow I’ll find my way home” (huh is there something happening tomorrow that could be linked to... OH. Right. Huh. Well all that is just a coincidence I’m sure, it’s not like Louis ever said he likes to rec songs because he wants us to read into the lyrics or anything... oh wait.)    

LTHQ did a insta quiz over on their stories (I only got two questions wrong!) and they did the promised virtual listening party and tweeted along to each song and retweeted fans’ reactions (and all the usernames, larries everywhere, we SEE YOU). Friends of Louis joined in the celebration- Only The Poets, Ashton Irwin of 5SoS fame, Helene Hornyck (“all the love,” she said!), Isaac Anderson and more, and All On The Board made one of their lovely Frankenstein poems which mashing up a bunch of LT1 songs, but in keeping with the theme of the day (and COVID I GUESS) did it as fanart rather than the usual in person board. And all of that was the BORING part of the day, can you BELIEVE?? The FUN part was the Walls Fanart that was chosen to be the new Spotify cards on the official Walls album. As in, they are up right now if you want to go check them out, but I’m gonna tell you straight up: they’re half Harry tats! The Defenseless card, especially, as it is just straight up fanart of Harry’s moth tattoo, especially fun when he had JUST got us talking about its Papillion origin with his finsta! The artist had been worried that Louis would be mad at them for submitting ‘Larry art’, and was overjoyed to learn that, uh... apparently, he was NOT. That was not all! The ‘Too Young’ art card is H’s rose tattoo, ‘Habit’ and ‘Fearless’ were both different variations of H’s anatomical heart tat (the ‘Habit’ one even included the word kind :{) ), and the We Made It rainbow wheel did, in fact, make it to Spotify, just like we thought! “Perfect Now” was Louis standing under a rainbow spotlight—they made that one black and white for spotify but the artist shared the original version. Harries were beside themselves, and tagged Jeff (Azoff), Ben Winston, and Gemma Styles (what?), demanding that they make Louis take the art down because it was clearly Harry art, which 1.) how much more blatant can you be if even ANTIS are noticing and 2.) what sort of control do they think Jeff, Ben, and Gemma have over Louis seeing as, uh, none of them currently work for him??? Weird, are they thinking there might be some kind of link... between Harry and his team and Louis... tell me more antis, truly, I’m fascinated!

One would think that’s more than enough for one day but WAIT THERE’S MORE Zayn is in EXCELLENT quirky Zayn form having fun with his own merch—he posted a gremlin (from the old RL Stine movie ‘Gremlins’) in a NIL beanie captioned “one size fits all humanoid shaped heads” late last night, haaaaa. Yes, I agree! The red stitching really makes the gremlin’s red eyes pop, and his fangs have never looked this good! And the question arose, is Harry’s finsta actually just his side account for following nothing but gay meme accounts? Evidence—the discovery of a second follow, of the openlygayanimals account-- would suggest yes! Well that’s valid, imagine having to not only navigate the internet AS HARRY but also without funny memes of your choice, that’s no life to lead. And Niall complained on twitter that people didn’t understand his sense of humor because SARCASM! He also tweeted about golf, which I’m sure was cool for people who understand it.

[brightgolden]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

Thank you @parmahamlarrie @justalarryblog @larrydoinglaundry @wadey-wilson @solvetheminourdreams @loulovehome for tagging me! I'm surprised there are that many people who remember me *surprise pikachu face

1. Number of stories posted on AO3: 6

2. Word count posted for the year: 297, 159 (I chuckled at this number lmao)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: The Money Mark

Bookmarks: The Money Mark

Comments: The Money Mark

More under the cut.

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why):

Definitely Love in The Dark. It was my first fic ever (and yes, I started writing that in August 2020). Admittedly, it wasn't my strongest fic, since it was the first one, but it was crazy how I managed to pull off the map and the worldbuilding as much as I did in the fic.

No one will see me do that again in the near future. LMAO

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why):

Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of Sugar at Night, but I just wish I write more for this. It has such a complex storyline that I should expand it to be a 50-60k fic. I underestimated how much I actually liked writing it, that I didn't have enough time to explore more.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Reading comments from my betas were always wonderful. They read the raw version of the fic, and somehow still managed to find something worthy to comment on.

As for published works, reading a comment from a regular reader is always a bit surreal. That they like my work enough to come back for more? Thank you!!

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

October-November. I was in a very unhappy place in my life, stuck in a bigshot work that made me cry almost every other day and eventually, took a break from writing. I didn't finish writing Opulence Thrills on schedule because of it.

Still healing from the trauma of it all, but my writing is slowly flowing now.

10. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

The baking scenes in Heartbreak Anniversary. I - for the life of me, can't bake anything. And to finish writing a Great Bake Off fic? LMAO never in my wildest dream.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This is from Heartbreak Anniversary, not my fav fav but it is the only scene that stands out to me when I see the title.

Standing in the doorway is a very surprised Louis Tomlinson, his eyebrows high on his forehead and hair tousled in a way that Harry knows doesn’t come from sleeping, rather from the repeated action of someone running their fingers through it.

Suddenly, it dawns on him. What if - Louis was with someone? Does he have a new boyfriend? But his assistant must know because they went to dinner together and the topic must come out at some point. Luis knows him too well for not telling him something as important as this. Or, Lambert, or Roxy. They know, right? Like, everyone knows, right? That Harry is still —

Like always, Harry freaking out...

12. How did you grow as a writer for this year:

Probably the narrative? It has become so much easier to write nowadays compared to the earlier days and as per my beta words, the characters' development.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

To dip my toe in the fic genres that I always love reading, but has never been able to write (historical, werewolves).

Writing wise - hopefully, my grammar, or my description technique, just so my beta won't get a headache reading it. LOL I also hope that I can portray my characters' love stories without them touching or explicitly saying so.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@pocketsunshineharry for literally everything. She was the one who listened (and had to calm me down) on my bad days. Gave me countless support to continue writing, while I'm working and also on days where my health was the worst.

My beta, @learntfromit who betaed 4 out of 6 fics I posted this year. Their comments on the documents, their encouragement during the day life was hard, and their willingness to help me with literally everything (outline, plotting, scenes, character's development and reading the entire raw fic).

I won't be here still writing without these two. So - thank you from the bottom of my heart.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year?

Yes, Harry's work in The Money Mark.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Always write but take a breather when you have to. Every time you write something, be proud of it no matter how short it is. No one can love your work better than you do.

17. Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

A momrry fic in the making that I hope to finish by mid-January.

A fic for abo fic fest that I always dreamed of since the moment I read the prompt.

Fire Meets Gasoline - a dark fic that I was inspired to write back in January 2021, but never manage to actually start writing.

18. Tag some writers whose answer you'd like to read.

I'm always late to the party and some of you guys might have already done it. Sorry :(

@greenblueish @princelyharry @neondiamond @thestylinsons @thinlinez @pocketsunshineharry @momrryrights @stylesthebrave@1diamondinthesun @oldbay-on-apples @cyantific @ohpleaselarry

[radiowrites]

2021 Fic in Review

Tagged by @radio-chatter! Thank you! ^^

Hi, I’m RaisedonRadio & FortressofmyPast on AO3 and FF.net. This is a tradition going on for years! Check out my prior year end posts: 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015.

Total Number Of Completed Works: 2

Total Word Count: 4729

Fandoms I’ve Written In: Ghost Hunt (Japanese anime/manga), Memorist (Korean drama).

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

Less. This past week I had hoped to finish another WIP, but instead I took the time to digitize a bunch of writing that had been trapped in notebooks. It was actually a lot of fun, there were so many stories I had forgotten about. But, do you know what this means? I ADDED SO MANY WIPs. -_-;; XD

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

I like them both for vastly different reasons.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

I wrote for a fandom that only had two other fics in it - one in a language I don’t speak and one a crossover. It was fun because I had to know I was going into it with no anticipation of reader interaction. Truly had to write it because I wanted to.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

I’d definitely like to write more. Finish a few of these WIPs hanging around.

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

It’s not right to pit these two fics against each other, they are for very different fandoms, and I literally published the one on December 27th, so…

But I do like to compare the stats for AO3 and FF.net: Call You Mine had 6 reviews/29 favs on FF.net, and 6 comments/34 kudos/9 bookmarks on AO3. That’s a big deal, in the past years Ghost Hunt fics would get much more interaction on FF.net, now AO3 is breaking even.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

I appreciate every comment, kudo, and fav. I know I say this every year, but it’s true. I write for relatively small fandoms and whenever a reader takes the time to say hi, my heart glows.

Most Fun Story To Write:

Call You Mine. I went into it with the desire to make something incredibly fluffy as a birthday gift and I think I succeeded.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

hmm, there are always pieces of me in my stories, but nothing huge this year.

Biggest Disappointment:

I still wish I had written something for the Ghost Hunt Weekend this year.

Biggest Surprise:

House of Memories was almost 3700 words! That’s a long fic for me!

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year:

My favorite part of fandom is when I watch or read or listen to some new piece of media and immediately search out the fanworks created for it. Fanfiction. Fanart. Gif sets. And sometimes there isn’t much there, but if I take the time to leave a footprint in the fandom, I hope someone one day find my little piece and enjoys it, too.

No pressure tags: @dreams-of-kalopsia @shesailsships @writercorianarose @csakuras @tsushikoi @eyeliner-vampire

(uhh, I always mix up the original writing blogs with the fanfiction ones especially if they are fandoms I'm not familiar with. If you write fanfic, consider yourself tagged!)

[rollingthunderpouringrain]

💙⁉️Spring asks game⁉️💙

I want to send you most of those asks lol (of the ones which I don't already know the answer to <3)

I'll restrain myself though so let's go with:

Blossom

Daisy

Favorites (I know you must have lots ;) so let's go with the favs that pop first to ur mind)

Flowers

Money

Music

Pride

Thrill

You

🌹🌼🌻🌺🌾💐

Oooh thank you! <3

Let's see...

Blossom - what’s your favorite flower?

I like sunflowers very much. But I also love geranium flowers, especially (and I had to look it up, lol) purple Pelargonium zonale XD

Daisy - do you have any pets? If not, do you want any?

I myself don't have any pets right now but my family does. A dog and a cat are living with at my parent's house (they belong to two of my siblings tho, actually). My youngest sister also has a pet hamster :D And we've had two budgies in the past. I've had three pet rats when I was a kid and also a rabbit. And my sister also had several fish. May they rest in peace <3 :(

Favorites - what’s your favorite show, movie, and book?

lol you're right I have lots. The first ones that popped into my head were: SPN, LOTR 1 and The Belgariad Saga (David Eddings).

Flowers - what’s the nicest thing someone has surprised you with?

There's several things I guess. The first two things that I thought of were:

- in 2020 (I think?) I had not seen my family for several months due to the pandemic and that was rather unusual for me, especially since I was still struggling because of a breakup. I was minding my own business and playing a game on my computer, texting with two of my siblings, missing them. They asked me if I wanted to do some online gaming together later. I told them yes instead of going to bed and a lil while later I received a photo of my own terrace and backdoor and my siblings were there, chilling outside XD they visited me in the middle of the night (I live a few cities away from them) and it was amazing I almost cried and it gave me lots of serotonin :') <3

- my sibling @thequeerlibrarian gave me a ps4 for no reason at all, just because I was missing one (I was used to having one but...breakup lmao) and was on the fence in regards to buying one 😂😂😂

Money - what would you do with your life if money was no object?

Oh man... I think I would like to still have a structured daily life and I like getting something in return for a task done XD Like, some kind of reward. Tbh. But I would love to..idk...just..do my hobbies...read, write, watch TV shows, do lots of gaming, travel lots, build a house with and for all my friends and the family members that wanna live with me. Publish stuff.

Music - what’s been on repeat lately?

Rockstar Skinny by The Real Zebos (it's on my Roman Roy playlist)

Missed Connection by The Head and The Heart

Pride  - what is something you’re proud of?

That I started therapy last year.

Thrill - what is one thing you’re looking forward to?

Seeing my family (don't know when but hopefully soon...), but also: doing some theater stuff again after two years of almost nothing. Mainly because of the people and because I know it will do me some good socially wise.

You - what’s one thing you like about yourself? One thing you dislike about yourself?

I like that I'm empathic. I dislike that I'm too fearful.

Thank you ❣️

Hope, you're well :)

💐 Spring Asks 💐

[psychovigilantewrites]

Don’t Call Me That Pt. 2

Wordcount: 10,129

A/N:  I thought this part 2 would total up to 10k words, but when it hit 10k, I realised that I was only about 65 percent done. So based on the responses I got from tumblr, I decided to publish this first and then conclude the story later on!

TW:  mentions of r*pe, mentions of torture, mentions of drugging someone (??) , mental breakdowns, vulnerability, descriptions of anxiety

Also, HERE’S MY FAV MEMES!! I’m so sorry that I can’t tag respective meme creators, because I saved them on my phone and some of them I forgot to include your usernames!! I’M SO SORRY!!! And honest to god is wear there were more but i must have lost them im so sorry im so incompetent lmao

memeesss

You glanced at your phone.

It had already been a week in Hawaii with your friends, and Jason still hadn’t texted you.

Well, you should have expected it, really. Jason was a traumatised, mentally ill man who had been locked away for two years.

Of course he wouldn’t text you first.

You had contemplated texting him over the past few days, typing in an array of messages ranging from a simple “hey” to a whole paragraph, and deleting all of it without hitting send. Did he even switch the phone on? Was he surfing the internet? Or was the phone still there on the shelf where you had left it.

It was driving you crazy.

“Do you have a boyfriend we don’t know about?” a voice called.

You looked up and squinted at the man who was standing up, looking down at you. You were sitting on the beach, a little further away from the ocean where your friends were.

“What are you talking about?” you asked as Alex plopped down next to you.

“You’ve been fidgety the whole time,” he pointed out, combing back his dark shoulder length hair with his fingers, getting sand in them. “We’re on a private beach, and you’ve been fussing over your phone. Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” you grumbled truthfully.

“The girls have been gossiping,” he gestured to the two other girls playing in the water. Your closest friends. It was four of you in that inseparable group.

“Of course they have,” you groaned, “Tell them to SAY IT TO MY FACE, COWARDS!”

You shouted at them, earning you grins and middle fingers from the distance.

“They’re saying you’re in love with someone,” he chuckled, “But they always say stupid shit like that without any evidence. But sometimes, a girl’s intuition is just right, ya know?”

“Stop beating around the bush, Alex,” you rolled your eyes at him despite knowing he couldn’t see past your sunglasses. “No, I’m not in love. I’m just waiting for a text that might never come.”

“Why don’t you text him first?”

“Because it’s not as simple as that!” you flailed your arms, “He’s… complicated. I can’t just text him anything.”

“Girl, unless he’s Mr. Nottingham, or related to you, then it really isn’t that complicated,” he joked.

“Ugh,” you groaned again, falling back onto the cloth you spread out. “Fine. I’ll text him.”

“Atta girl,” Alex grinned, “I’m gonna head back in the water. Join us after. Please?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you waved.

Opening the text window for what had to be the thirtieth time, you finally decided to text him.

You: Miss me yet?

Staring intently at the small ‘sent’ below your message bubble, you waited for it to turn to ‘delivered’.

“Yes!” you hissed. It meant that Jason had indeed switched on the phone.

But after twenty minutes you realised that it didn’t matter if Jason switched on the phone if he didn’t want to talk to you. Cursing to yourself, you decided to join your friends in the water, hoping it’ll distract you from checking your phone every five minutes for a text message that might never come.

After an hour of actually spending time with your friends, all four of you returned to the villa, your mood elevated. Checking your phone, you could have jumped for joy when you saw not one, but four consecutive texts in a row.

Jason: Duck off. Jason: What the duck Jason: WHY CANT I SAY DUCK Jason: I DUCKING HATE THIS

You couldn’t let out a string of giggles.

“Oooh, lover boy texted you back, huh?” Alex peeked over your shoulder. “Gimme, I wanna mess with him.”

He snatched your phone from your hands, surprisingly swift and smooth for a civilian, raising it way above his head so you couldn’t reach it and opened the camera.

“Alex-!”

He threw his other arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his bare chest, crushing you before you could tackle him down. He snapped a picture and sent it.

You froze in horror.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” you yelled.

“Relax, I was just messing around,” he gave your phone back to you.

“You don’t- you don’t understand, you fucking asshole!” you screamed.

“I- I’m sorry,” Alex stuttered, surprised by your reaction. “I was just-”

“Fuck off!” you snapped.

Panicking, you saw the little notification below the picture turning from Received to Read.

No. No, no, no, no.

This was bad.

You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason by sending him photos of your activities, thinking that he might react badly to the sudden surplus of familiarity and sense of being close to someone. Now you were worried that he might start to push you away in fear, reverting back to how he was before, and months of progress would have been all for nothing.

He would probably start swearing at you, or worse- switch off the phone and reject any form of communication completely. You hurriedly texted a reply.

You: I’m so sorry! I didn’t send that, my friend was just messing around.

Expecting the worst, you braced yourself for the inevitable. Instead, he sent you:

Jason: Who the hell is that guy?? Jason: Why are you in your underwear??

Your mouth hung open as you stared in shock at the screen. Because you took so long to recover from the shock, he sent you another message.

Jason: ???

Snapping out of it, you texted back.

You: That’s just my friend. Sorry about that! And I’m not in my underwear, it’s a bikini! I’m in Hawaii.

You waited for him to reply, but ten minutes of you sitting anxiously on the turquoise sofa in the middle of the villa listening to the waves of the beach outside from the open doors passed by, and he still hadn’t.

Perhaps he’s busy- wait. There’s no way Jason would be busy. You tried to coax him into a conversation.

You: You can turn off your autocorrect if you want to swear without hassle. Go to your Keyboard settings.

You plopped your phone on the empty seat next to you and dried your hair.

“Ugh, come on!” complained Natalie, fully clothed and washed, walking towards the open concept kitchen from her room. “You’re getting sand everywhere!”

“Woops, my bad,” you grinned.

“There’s a shower outside on the porch for a reason you know,” she flipped her blond beach waves at you, looking through the fridge.

Alex stood quietly at the kitchen island, now scared to say anything.

You rolled your eyes. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Okay, I promise!” he grinned.

Ding.

Jason: fuck. fuck. fucking fuck. Jason: found it. You: Proud of you, man.

You went to your room and showered, then dried off and put on fresh clothes while waiting for Jason to reply.

Of course, he never did.

Groaning, you had to remind yourself that he was not used to human interaction, and texting would come unnaturally to him. Which meant that you had to be the one to keep the conversation going.

You: Do anything interesting since I left?

You saw him typing almost immediately this time.

Jason: no.

Of course not.

You: Have you been eating properly? Jason: yeah.

God, it was so difficult. You were in the middle of typing something when he replied again.

Jason: yoire not my mom Jason: yoire Jason: YOIRE Jason: FUCK WHY CANR I TYPE

You felt guilty for laughing, but you did anyway.

You: Now that you switched off autocorrect, it won’t correct your typos and misspells anymore. Jason: i fucking knw that. Ive been gone for two yeard not twenty. You: Then why do you sound like a grandpa? Jason: BECAISE YOU GAVE ME A FUCKINF IPHONE!! I USED AN ANDROID!!

Now you were really laughing out loud, so you sent him a GIF of a woman rolling her eyes.

Jason: wtf you can send gifs throug text now?? You: Welcome to 2020, my dude. Jason: im not your fucking dude

Typing a reply, Jason interrupted you once again.

Jason: teach me how to do that

Smiling widely, you found that you couldn’t wait for the next week to pass by so you could go back and see him.

***

“How’s Jason?” you asked the minute you reached the Cave computers, panting from the run down.

“Wow, hello to you, too,” Dick chuckled, spinning towards you on the wheeled chair.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Bruce and Dick were in front of the computers, discussing a case that had connections to Bludhaven Police Department.

Gone for two weeks, you had a lot to catch up on.

“According to Alfred, he’s doing well,” Bruce answered, “Even started to ask for seconds last week. Now Alfred has been making portions for two.”

“He asked? For seconds?” you gasped. “How?”

“He left a note on the tray two days after you left. He’s been making meal requests, too. Texts Alfred in the morning to let him know.”

“Texted?!”

“Alfred slipped his number on the tray in case Jason wanted anything specific.”

“I slipped mine as well, but he hasn’t texted me yet,” Dick pouted.

“When did he start texting?” you ignored Dick.

“Last Sunday.”

So the same day you started texting him, then.

“He hasn’t texted me,” Dick sighed, looking dejected like a kid who was told Disneyland blew up.

“He’ll come around, Dick,” you offered him a smile, “I mean- he’s already texting Alfred!”

“Yeah,” he lamented.

“Okaaay, nice talk. I’m gonna go see him now, bye.”

You ran to the box, but stopped right before you opened the internal door. After checking your hair with your phone camera, you tried to stifle the butterflies in your stomach.

Ugh, you were so fucked.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

“Yeah,” Jason’s muffled grunt answered you.

Pushing it open, your eyes immediately went to the bed only to find that he wasn’t lounging around reading a book like you expected. Instead, your mouth dropped open when you saw him on the floor, doing push ups.

Shirtless.

Jason had changed drastically during the two weeks you were gone. You noticed that he had definitely gained weight, as well as muscle mass.

“Uh, wh-what are you..?”

He stood up, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

His muscles were much more prominent and defined now, and he looked like he was going to achieve Dick’s physique if he kept it up for another month or two.

“Welcome back,” he simply said before taking gulps from a water bottle you definitely had not seen before.

“Thanks,” you walked over and sat on his bed, “I’m glad to see that you decided to start taking care of yourself again.”

“What, this? This isn’t for me.”

“Huh?” you cocked your head in curiosity.

“I… I lost a lot of muscle mass. My body- it isn’t how it used to be,” he frowned, “And I can’t have you lusting over it when it’s not at its peak.”

“What- what do you-?” you stammered, suddenly getting hot.

Jason merely smirked and then continued his push ups.

You watched as his developing muscles rippled, a thin layer of sweat making his skin glisten in the light. It was amazing how he had progressed so much in such a short period of time. You guessed that he must have just been occupying his days by working out.

No wonder he’s been asking for seconds.

“Enjoying the view?” Jason breathed, pausing with his arms straightened, his head angled upwards towards you.

“No, shut up,” you looked away.

“Here, be useful,” he started, “Sit on my back.”

“What?”

“I’ve gotten used to my own body weight, I need extra resistance,” he elaborated, “Come on, sit on my back.”

“But it’s all sweaty,” you whined, pretending to protest. Definitely pretending- for the sake of your own dignity.

You got up and went over towards him anyway.

Carefully, awkwardly, you sat on his back as you would a park bench. You rested your palms flat against his sticky skin to stabilise yourself. Suddenly, he dipped down without warning, earning a soft squeal from you.

“Fuck, you’re heavy,” he strained, but continued to do the push ups. He was shakier, struggling with the weight, and after twenty-five, he paused. “Okay, I think I’m done.”

But before you had the chance to get off him, he suddenly stood up, throwing you off his back to have you fall on the floor on your ass.

“Jason, you assho-” you clapped your hand over your mouth, realising what you had just said.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

He stood towering over you, his jaw clenching as he stared you down with his cold, blue eyes.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot! It was a reflex and-”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore,” he rolled his eyes, reaching for his bottle.

You blinked. Then scrambled to your feet.

“You don’t care anymore?” you repeated slowly.

“I don’t care if you call me that,” he huffed.

That made your heart swell and melt at the same time.

“I got used to your voice,” he mumbled, expression changing as he looked away. He frowned, as if he was angrily staring at a distant object.

You had just guessed that he didn’t like to be called his name because of a sense of familiarity, but now you were thinking that there was much more to that than what you had originally thought.

“So, I can call you… Jason?” you tested.

“Yeah, call me whatever you want,” he sat on his bed, looking up at you.

You smiled, thankful that you had finally crossed that bridge. “You know, I could get some workout stuff for you? Weights, bands, that bar thing that you can put at your door frame for pull ups…”

“You’d like to see that, huh?” he smirked.

“You flatter yourself too much,” you scoffed.

“How was Hawaii?” he changed the subject all of a sudden.

“It was fun. Beach was great, locals were great, loved the vibe- what are you doing?”

Jason had stood back up and started to walk closer and closer to you, getting all up in your space like a predator finally cornering its prey. You kept on taking steps back until your ass hit the edge of the desk.

Nowhere else to run, your heart started hammering. He leaned in, his hands resting on the desk on either side of your body, trapping you against the table and himself. You looked up and gulped. You could almost feel the heat radiating from his bare skin.

“Are you afraid of me?” he muttered lowly.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” you whispered.

“You tell me,” he said.

“Well, I’m not afraid of you,” you stated.

“Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow. Then, you felt his hand grip your wrist tightly, pressing down on your skin with his fingers. “Your pulse is very fast for someone who’s not afraid of me.”

“It’s because you’re all up in my space!” you argued.

“Didn’t look like you mind when your friend,” he snarled the word, “was all up in your space.”

“My friend? What- oh,” you widen your eyes in realisation, “You mean Alex.”

“Is that his name?”

“Alex is just a friend, nothing more. He’s just someone I’m close to,” you reassured him.

Which then made you think about why you were reassuring him.

“Oh, you were definitely close to him,” Jason growled.

“Wait- are you… jealous?” a smile creeped your lips.

He scowled at you for a few moments, and you could see the little tics in his expression that said he was annoyed. The flared nostrils, the muscles of his jaw clenching and unclenching, the very slight twitches at the corner of his left eye.

“No,” he finally said, taking a step back from you. “I’m going to shower. Since you couldn’t stop staring at me, the invitation is still open for you to join.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that maybe I prefer it when you were broody instead of this. Please go back to your depressive mental state,” you sarcastically replied.

Jason barked out an actual laugh. Though his laugh was odd, like someone who’s only now discovering that humans were indeed capable of laughter, you found comfort in it. It was no longer hysterical and devoid of humor. He was getting better, learning to embrace a connection with someone, and it made you extremely happy.

“Maybe I should,” he answered with a cheeky glint in his eye, “Then that way you can give me more sponge baths.”

He left you alone in his room, flushed and at a loss for words.

***

“I find it very odd that people would yell ‘Batman!’ when they realise you’re there,” you rambled while climbing out of the Batmobile.

You were absolutely drenched from the downpour that had been going on all night. It was 4 am on a friday night and you had just returned from patrol.

Bruce took off his cowl immediately, revealing tired eyes despite the relatively slow night.

“It’s like they’re saying ‘Look at me! I’m here! Please knock me out or hang me upside down from the-’ Bruce?”

Bruce had stiffen, staring at something behind you. You turned around and was shocked to see Jason in the mid-distance, sitting on the ground outside the black box that was his room, leaning against the cool metal.

He himself was staring intently at Bruce, not even sparing you a glance.

You looked back and forth between the two men, sensing a high tension silent conversation.

Then, Bruce’s eyes relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly in that hardly-there-Bruce-smile.

He gave Jason one stiff nod of understanding, then walked away to the computers at the other end of the cave, leaving you alone with his son.

Jason relaxed as you walked over to him, wringing your hair to squeeze out all the excess water.

“Aw, you waited up for me,” you teased, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, grinning away.

“Fuck off,” he snorted, “I was bored.”

You noticed him clenching his jaw as he looked at you from top to bottom, eyes lingering longer on the ‘R’ on your left breast.

Ah, it was his first time seeing you in your uniform.

His uniform.

Suddenly, you felt like an imposter in those colors and had the strong urge to rip the uniform off.

You wanted to say something, but Jason beat you to it.

“There were times in that shit hole where I wanted to burn that uniform off my skin,” he grit, “Kept on thinking to myself. I wish I never became Robin. I wish I never met Bruce Wayne.”

Your heart shattered at his confession. It was extremely rare for him to bring up anything related to his two year torture, and the previous times were never in such detail.

Realising you needed to say something, you opened your mouth. “I’m so-”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Yes, sometimes you knew that he just wanted you to listen.

You nodded silently and went to sit next to him on the floor.

“It… suits you,” he forced out.

“Hmm?”

“The uniform. It suits you. More than it ever suited me,” he grumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think your ass would look quite nice in green,” you joked, nudging his shoulder with your own.

He chuckled deeply, nudging you back even harder- hard enough for you to lose your balance and topple sideways, earning another breathy laugh from Jason.

***

Another month passed by, and you found yourself falling deeply for Jason- much to your dismay. You knew Jason wasn’t ready for any kind of intense emotions, and that it would take a very long time before he was.

So you swallowed your emotions down, stifling them and hoping it would go away.

The two of you had developed a pleasant friendship, often bickering and joking around, with Jason teasing you about your obvious physical attraction to him.

He also now occasionally waited outside his cube for you to come back after patrol, never really venturing too far from it, and still avoiding contact with both Bruce and Dick. Only you and Alfred had the privilege to speak to him.

Even then, sometimes you would visit his room but only getting a “I’m not feeling it today. Please leave.”

Understandingly, you would nod silently and leave him alone. You knew he still had his bad days, sometimes not eating his meals.

But mostly, he was getting better, both mentally and physically.

With nothing much to do the whole day, Jason was now obsessed with working out and bulking up. He now had a few simple equipment in his room- mostly weights.

You figured that it was a coping mechanism for him, a healthy outlet to channel all his rage and negative emotions into.

But come on. He was getting even hotter and it was making it extremely difficult for you to stop yourself from checking him out, fantasizing about him when he wasn’t around. Still, you couldn’t complain. Even though he hadn’t reached Dick’s size yet, he was very near to it, and his naturally bigger body frame and build made up for the still developing muscles.

Hell, he was now sporting a six pack.

But you knew that he was still not as well as you hoped he would be. The bloodshot eyes he had was proof that he doesn’t sleep well- and you soon found out why.

It was a little past midnight on your night off from patrol, and you were using your break in the best way you could think of- by sleeping. Something woke you up that night.

A soft knock on your door.

You frowned, eyes still closed, wondering who it was.

Bruce would usually knock twice. Strong, clear, and with purpose. Dick would start pounding rapidly on your door, annoying you intentionally. Alfred would give three soft knocks followed by a ‘Miss?’

Your eyes flew open. There was only one other person in the manor.

Throwing your covers aside, you jumped out of bed and rushed to the door to open it.

Jason stood outside your door in the dim lights of the hallway, frowning and running his fingers nervously through his messy dark hair. He was wearing a t-shirt with boxers, standing awkwardly.

“Jason?” you hated how your voice sounded so sleepy. You cleared your throat. “Are you okay? Would you like to come in?”

He nodded silently, and you made way for him to enter before closing the door behind you.

“Sit on the bed,” you told him while jumping back into yours, sitting up cross legged.

The bed dipped when he sat on it, copying your motion and crossed his legs.

You waited for him to say something, your eyes straining to catch his in the dark. But he just remained silent, staring into space and avoiding your eyes.

“How did you know this was my room?” you asked, starting with a light topic.

“Only one that was locked. I already know where everyone else sleeps,” he explained.

“That’s right,” you realised, “I tend to forget that you’re probably even more familiar with the manor than I am.”

“Did you know there’s an old dumbwaiter in Bruce’s room?” you saw him smirk from the shadows that was casted on his face, “I used to hide in there, waiting to catch him off guard.”

“What? Why?”

“Dick and I, we had a bet,” he recalled the memory, “Whoever gets to surprise Bruce first would owe the other a special favor. Only rule was that we had to have it on video as proof.”

You appreciated that moment, the first time he ever spoke about both Dick and Bruce as a fond memory.

“I won, by the way,” he continued, “But- I forgot to press record on my phone.”

“Oh, no,” you groaned for him.

“Yeah, and Dick refused to believe me,” he chuckled, “That old man didn’t want to admit it either. But I swear- the look on his face when I jumped out while he and some model were going at it- priceless.”

Your jaw dropped, and then you burst into a fit of laughter, tears filling your eyes.

“You- you- you jumped out on him while he was having sex?!” you squealed.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I didn’t even care that it sort of scarred me, because I managed to catch Batman off guard.”

The both of you laughed, his deep voice mingling with your own on that quiet night.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jason,” you smiled warmly at him.

But then, his smile fell.

“I hate my name now.”

“I’m sorry,” you began, “You said it was okay to call you that, so I-”

“No, it’s fine,” he started running his fingers through his hair again, “It’s just- I don’t know.”

“You can tell me anything,” you reassured, “It won’t leave this room. I promise.”

He looked at you, worry in his eyes. “Okay. Fine. Yeah.”

You waited for him to begin.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve been having nightmares. Almost every night. It’s always the same one.”

“You want to tell me about it?” you prompted him after waiting for him to continue.

“I hate my name because he said it a lot. Joker,” he scowled, “After repeatedly burning my skin for my name, it’s like that’s all he said. In that annoying, high pitched, sing-song voice of his. Jason, Jason, Jason. It made me hate my name. It made me hate hearing it.”

“I- I didn’t know how much time passed when I was in there,” he continued, “But, fuck. It was- it was hell. And the worst part was that I kept on waiting for Bruce. Waiting and hoping for him to find me and save me. I was so desperate. You- I-”

He choked on his words. His eyes were squeezed shut and his lips tight.

You wanted to reach out to him, hug him, tell him that everything was okay now. But you didn’t. You waited for him to collect himself so he could finish telling you his story, just like how he wanted to.

“Anyway, I- despite all that,” he sighed, “That was the only thing that kept me sane. I kept on clinging onto the hope that he was out there, searching. And that helped for a while. Until- until that happened.”

He was breathing heavily now, fidgeting more. Jason was definitely getting increasingly agitated the deeper he went.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Fuck.”

The moment you realised he was crying was when he let out a sniffle. You automatically took his hand in yours, squeezing it as a form of comfort.

“It’s okay,” you told him, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I need to. I have to. I can’t take this anymore. Keeping everything in, I feel like I’m about to fucking explode.”

“Okay, then take it slow,” you said, “No rush. Anytime you’re ready.”

He nodded, eyes still closed, as if he was afraid of letting you see him cry.

“One night,” he began, “I think- I don’t know what was different- but I think something went wrong for him. Or right? That’s how it was. Tormenting me was fun, but it was also an outlet for him. But at the same time when he was happy, he also tortured me. He came to me, and- injected me with some sort of drug. That never happened before. He made sure that my head was clear whenever he hurt me so that I could feel everything he did.”

“But- he did- and- immediately, I felt weak,” he continued, “I mean, I was already weak. But my head. It was cloudy. I remember everything clearly, but it was like my brain couldn’t process it, couldn’t communicate with my body. I felt like I was looking out through a window that was my eyes- like I was in someone else’s body, experiencing someone else’s moments.”

“He released me,” Jason’s voice was now barely a whisper. “He released me from the ropes, and I fell to the floor. And then he- he- fuck.”

He let go of your hand and started pulling at his hair, rocking back and forth on your bed. He was sobbing now, his shoulders jerking up in sharp intakes of breaths. The only thing you could do was to stay silent and hold back your own tears.

You rested your hand on his knee, giving him a textile connection with reality so he doesn’t fall into his own thoughts.

“You- he- he- ruh- ruhp-”

Your heart sank to your stomach in horror as you realised what Jason was trying to say. It was as if you were plunged into icy water, chills running down your spine at the true revelation of what he had gone through in that cursed cell.

“Oh, no,” you breathed.

“He pushed me down,” he choked, “Pushed me down and climbed on top. I- I couldn’t even fight him. I was- I was conscious the whole time and I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t fucking do anything.”

Your tears were falling down now, both at the sight of Jason looking so vulnerable and fragile, and at his confession. Not being able to help yourself, you threw your arms over his neck and crashed into his hard body, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

His arms immediately wrapped around you, clutching you so hard it was painful as he buried his own face into your shoulder.

“And he kept on saying my name,” he said in muffled cries, “Jason, Jason, Jason. The whole fucking time. And- and I knew. He didn’t do it for pleasure. He did it to torment me. He- he didn’t even- he didn’t even finish.”

Jason sobbed into your skin for the next few minutes, his tears soaking through your night shirt. “But I did. Even though it was painful. Fuck, the pain was worse than anything he had ever done to me before. But- he- I- I fucking came.”

The both of you were sobbing now, his ragged breaths mingling together with your own on that quiet night.

His grip on you was tight, as if he thought that if he let go, you would disappear. So he clung onto you with all his might to keep you there with him as he recalled the horrific events.

“That's what broke me. I was so disgusted with myself. I hated myself. And he- he saw everything and- and laughed. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to choke and die. I’ve never seen him laugh like that. And I remember every single fucking moment of being helpless on that fucking floor while he- fuck. Fuck.”

“And then he left. He left me on the floor bleeding and I never saw him again. And I went fucking insane. I tried to kill myself so many fucking times. So many times, I lost count. That’s what I dream about every night. His laughs, and his ‘Jason, Jason, Jason’.”

And that was that. That was the story.

The end of Jason Todd.

The both of you cried long and hard that night in each other’s arms. Eventually, you both lied down on the pillows together, underneath the covers.

“Please don’t tell Bruce,” he whispered to you.

Your head was on his chest, his big arms wrapped around your waist, your legs tangled with his.

You smiled at that. Even with the trauma, even with the sense of abandonment he felt, he still wanted to protect Bruce from knowing the truth.

Because the both of you knew that the truth would kill him.

“I promise,” you whispered back.

And then the both of you fell asleep together.

***

“Has Jason been sleeping in your room with you?” Bruce asked you on one fine Saturday morning at breakfast.

It had been about a week and a half since the first time Jason knocked on your door and poured out his feelings to you.

“He gets nightmares,” you tried to explain.

He thought that if he told you everything, the nightmares would stop. But it didn’t. But he then realised that the only thing that made it better was sleeping by your side, having someone there to wake him up from living his own hell in a loop.

“And do the two of you… Just sleep?” Bruce frowned.

“Yes!” you widen your eyes in horror at the insinuation. “Bruce! Come on!”

“I know you have feelings for him, and I’m sure he does for you as well. But I don’t think something like that is what Jason needs right now,” he stated.

“Yes, I know!” you groaned at the thought having that kind of conversation with him, “Jesus, Bruce. I know. I’m just there to wake him up or help him fall back asleep. Nothing more.”

Bruce nodded, deep in thought. “Has he… told you? About what happened?”

You pursed your lips. “Yes.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Hmm,” his frown went deeper. “I understand. He will tell me when he is ready.”

“Exactly,” you smiled, hiding the fact that Jason may never tell Bruce what happened. Never the full story.

“He still hasn’t left the manor?”

“No,” you sighed, “I asked him if he wanted some fresh air. Just outside the main door, not even going down the steps. But he refused. Told me to, and I quote, ‘Fuck off’.”

“Well, he’s only just left the cave, and it’s just to your room,” Bruce thought out loud, “It’s still progress. Especially since he’s been talking to you about the past.”

“He only spoke about it one time,” you said, “And then never again.”

“I see,” he hummed, “And you’re okay with him sleeping with you?”

“Next to me, Bruce, sleeping next to me,” you corrected.

“Yes, and you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, it’s all good,” you assured him, “I can kick him out any time I want- but I don’t want to. He looks like a lost puppy sometimes.”

“An angry lost puppy.”

You chuckled at that and couldn’t agree more.

*** While Jason got the sleep he needed when he was next to you, it was counterproductive on your end. You had never been with anyone before, and definitely had not slept on the same bed with another man.

So to feel his body heat and breaths against your skin, his occasional light snores, it made your mind go on hyperdrive.

Most of the time, the two of you would just lie down, your back against his front, or your backs against each other, or both on your backs just staring at the ceiling- and talked. You would be the one talking the most, of course, about anything you could think of. You would tell him about your day, your patrols, something you read about online, or the current news.

But that one particular night during week three of him sleeping next to you, the two of you were silent. It wasn’t an awkward or uncomfortable silence, but the kind of silence that was pleasant and was better described as a peaceful quiet.

You had your back pressed against his front and his arm was lazily draped over your waist. It was a cold night, and you were wearing just a tank top and pyjama shorts, snuggling under the covers that went up all the way to your nose.

Shifting a bit while snuggling comfortably, you pressed yourself against Jason’s body to get more of his heat. But then, you were met with something poking against your lower back.

“Ngh, please ignore that,” Jason huffed.

Oh.

For some reason, you forgot that Jason was a physically healthy male who was capable of having sexual thoughts and feelings. All this while, you thought you were the only one.

“Are you- uh- is that- uh-” you stuttered, feeling your face flush with heat.

Feeling your body suddenly alert with excitement.

“Yes, it’s my fucking penis,” he grit almost angrily, “What, never heard of an erection before?”

“Of course I have!” you argued rather defensively, “It’s just- I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Why?” he demanded, “You didn’t think I could get it up or something?”

“No, of course not!” you denied, “It just didn’t cross my mind, that’s all.”

A pause. Then-

“Well,” he sighed, “You wouldn’t have been wrong.”

Your mind blanked for a second.

“What do you mean?” you asked softly.

“It’s my- fuck- it’s my first time,” he confessed.

“Your first time getting an erection?” you gasped.

“No, you idiot,” he snapped, “It’s my first time getting hard since… since… then.”

Oh. Oh, you were an idiot.

“It’s just- after that- even when I was downstairs, alone and safe, I- I couldn’t,” he told you, “I kept on thinking back to that time and- and I couldn’t. I found it disgusting.”

And immediately, like someone doused you in cold water, any feeling of horniness you had when you first felt his erection against you disappeared. You just felt so sad for him, but also angry. Angry that he had to go through all of that, and angrier that there was nothing you could do about it.

“So, why do you think you’re getting it now?” you asked. Perhaps talking about it in an objective manner would help guide him through his thought process.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffed, “You’re fucking pressing your ass against my dick, what did you think would happen?”

“Wait, what?” your eyes widen, “You’re hard because of me?”

“No shit,” he said, “You’re hardly wearing any clothes, too.”

You shouldn’t feel happy due to the circumstance and context, but there you were ecstatic that he found you attractive enough to pop a boner after so long.

“Fuck,” he sighed, suddenly pressing himself closer to you.

His hand that draped over your waist when to actually grip it. Then, then, he grinded his hard on against your ass.

“Mmm,” he rumbled deeply, “Feels good.”

There. That was it. You were once again flooded with the feeling of heat that pooled at your stomach, a tingling sensation started at your core. Feeling hot despite the low temperature of the night, you clenched your thighs together, needing the slight pressure.

“Yeah?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he grinded on you again, and then unexpectedly let out a chuckle.

“What is it?” you smiled, loving it whenever you heard him laugh.

“I thought… For the longest time, I thought I was broken. That he broke me,” he revealed, “I thought I needed to get all Wingardium Leviosa on this little fucker.”

“Oh my God,” you laughed and groaned at the same time, “You’re so fucking embarassing.”

He laughed along with you and continued. “But now I’m hard and- and horny. You made me feel like I’m normal again. Like I’m sixteen again, and getting horny over everything.”

Sometimes, we take the normal things for granted. Food, shelter, clothes. In this case, it was a goddamned boner. In a way, Jason’s erection was symbolic- however funny it sounded. Getting your sexual appetite and need back after being so traumatised was a massive leap for many people who had experienced the same thing.

It meant that Jason was healing well.

“Does that make you happy?” you asked.

“Not particularly,” he admitted, “But I’m definitely not sad either.”

“That’s good enough for now, then,” you beamed.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

Another few moments of silence. You could feel it, his cock pushing into you. However tempted you were to push back and grind, you held yourself still.

“Uh, Jason?” you voiced.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to like, take care of it?” you asked, “I mean. My bathroom is available. Or- there are many empty rooms.”

“No,” he simply stated.

“No?”

“No.”

“It’s kinda poking into me.”

“Just ignore it.”

“Ignore it?” you gaped, “How can I ignore it? You’re literally pressing it into my ass.”

“Well, then do you want to take care of it?” he teased.

You couldn’t argue back. “Fine, I’ll ignore it.”

He chuckled. “I’ll turn around.”

When he made the movement, you suddenly grabbed him by the wrist. “No, it’s fine. Stay here.”

You expected him to tease you like he usually would, make a crass comment, or even a ‘fuck off’.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around you again in silence, and the both of you drifted to sleep.

***

“Do you think this color suits me?” Natalie asked, holding up a floral red dress.

The four of you were at the mall in Diamond District. Now that high school was over, and everyone would be going off to separate colleges in a few months, you tried to spend time with each other as much as you could.

“Any color suits you, Nat,” you rolled your eyes, “You’re hot stuff.”

“Jesus, it’s like you’re shoving it in our faces at this point,” Sarah added, flipping her brunette hair to the side, tight curls flowing down.

“Aw, you guys,” Nat pretended to tear up, “I’m gonna miss you guys so much!”

“Not again,” Alex groaned, “We’ve been through this so many times.”

“I’m gonna be so miserable without you guys,” Natalie continued on, ignoring Alex’s interruption.

“I don’t know,” Sarah shrugged, “I think I’d enjoy New York. I can have pizza parties with the rats in my overpriced apartment.”

You chuckled at Sarah’s joke. Everyone was leaving Gotham except you. Deciding to continue with Robin, you opted for Gotham University- prestigious, old, and most importantly, close to home.

Your phone dinged in your pocket. You opened it to find texts from Dick.

Dick: OH MY GOD. Dick: I’m at the Manor. Dick: Was going to the Cave gym to work out. Dick: AND Dick: JASON IS HERE!!! WHAT DO I DO?!?!

That was new. Jason would usually just use whatever basic equipment he had in his room to work out. The fact that he was at the Cave’s sparring area where all the other fancier work out equipment were was out of the ordinary.

You: Just go. See if he reacts. If he suddenly stiffens and just stay there not doing anything, then leave. If he continues on, then it’s okay to stay- but don’t initiate anything! Dick: OKOKOK

You waited anxiously for Dick’s update. All four of you were now walking towards the food court, but you hardly listened to their bickering. Forty-five minutes passed before Dick texted you again.

Dick: OMG HE TALKED TO ME You: What did he say? Dick: He asked me to pass him his towel. You: That’s all he said? Dick: IT’S PROGRESS OKAY!!

Dick was right. It meant that Dick was now the third person Jason had spoken to. Adding another person to his list of contacts was definitely progress.

You were happy for him.

You:Is he still there? Dick: Nah he left Dick: But WOW he’s looking good. He must have been really going at it. I think he might get bigger than me soon You: All he does now is work out. He’s obsessed. Dick: Yeah I can tell

You decided to leave it at that for now and try to concentrate on your friends, but Dick sent another message.

Dick: ARE YOU TWO HAVING SEX?!?!

You spat out your drink, earning weird looks from everyone.

You: DICK!!!! WTF NO!!

Dick never replied.

***

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Jason asked, his voice breaking the silence of your dark room. The two of you were on your bed, lying down and staring at the ceiling.

“Of course,” you said. It didn’t matter to you what Jason asks for. He hardly ever asked for anything.

“Could you… Take me out tomorrow?” he requested, “If you’re not doing anything else, that is.”

“Uh, sure!” you nodded, surprised. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” he shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, okay,” you hesitated, “But- are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to go so far so quickly. Maybe you should start with just going to the backyard?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “I’m not a kid.”

“Okay then,” you agreed. “Tomorrow.”

You kept on glancing anxiously at him the next day as he climbed into the passenger seat of your car. He was quiet, but looked perfectly fine.

Switching the engine on, you drove out of the garage and out the large automatic gates. Trees soon surrounded the lonely road on both sides as you descended downhill into town.

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“I thought Robinson Park would be nice,” you said. It was around three in the afternoon, yet Gotham was dark as though the day was ending. It was cloudy, skies grey and wind blowing.

“You’re taking me to a park?” he scoffed.

“It’s more quiet than anywhere else,” you reasoned with him, “Less people. Spacious. Lots of greenery.”

“Whatever.”

Reaching the parking space of the park, you noticed that there were a few cars. Mothers and nannies liked to bring children out to the park around that time. Joggers and teens, college students and retired elderly seeking a little escape from the high rise buildings of concrete and glass.

You turned the engine off and proceeded to open the door, only then noticing Jason stiffening. Looking over to him, you saw that his eyebrows were pulled down in a deep frown, his jaw clenched, his hands in fists on his knees.

You didn’t say anything or make any comment. Leaning back into your seat, you waited until Jason was ready.

About five minutes passed before he took a deep breath, gave you a nod, and then opened his door.

The two of you walked along a path at the park, going deeper inside and further away from your car. There were a few joggers around, some tourists, and some teens taking photos. You saw a group of kids in the distance playing frisbee, and the others were walking their dogs.

An empty bench stood in the middle of the park, overlooking a clearing. You headed there, Jason following closely behind.

“It’s a bit gloomy today,” you pouted, “As if Gotham could be anything other than that, of course.”

You looked at Jason.

He looked like a scared dog being brought out for the first time.

His jittery knees were bouncing rapidly, his wide eyes were darting at every movement, his forehead was covered with a thin layer of sweat, and his breathing was heavy.

“Woah, woah,” you reached out to him, putting an arm on his back. “It’s okay. I’m here. Just listen to me talk, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he gulped.

“Try to calm your breathing,” you instructed, “Deep breaths, Jason. In… out… In… Out… Yeah, see that’s great.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, now calmer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled warmly, “You’re doing just fine.”

“No, I’m not,” he strained, “I feel like everything is too big. Too vast. The fucking sky looks like it’s going to crash down on me and at the same time suck me up into a void.”

“And despite all you’re feeling right now, you’re not breaking down or anything, are you?” you tried, “You’re okay, Jason. This is progress.”

“I guess,” he sighed, “I’m just- I’m so used to having four walls and a ceiling. Now everything feels too big.”

“I understand,” you empathized, “Whenever you want to go back, just say the word. Or we can even just go and sit in the car. No problem.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” he stood up.

The walk back to the car was faster.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking pathetic,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

“No, you’re not,” you reassured him, “That was great, Jason. Come on, it was your first time outside in two years and a half. Cut yourself some slack.”

“I’m so fucking broken,” he choked.

“Don’t say that,” you scolded, “You’re not broken. And you know what, even if you think you are, we can always fix it. Baby steps. Maybe we can do this once a week. We were out for like, ten minutes? Next week we’ll try fifteen. How’s that sound?”

“Twice a week,” he stated, “I just want to be normal again.”

“Okay, twice a week, then,” you agreed, “We’ll try again in a couple of days, okay?”

“Okay,” he paused, “Thank you.”

“No problemo,” you grinned, “Would you like to stay here a bit longer or shall we go back?”

“Let’s go back.”

“Wanna stop by the diner? You can wait in the car while I ask for a take-away?”

“...okay.”

***

Jason and you had gone out twice more. Once three days after the first time, and the other a week later. The second time he went out, he lasted twenty minutes, though you were sure he was being stubborn on his part. He looked like he was having a heart attack, but he insisted on staying until he hit the twenty minute mark.

The third time, he was much much better. Surprisingly so. The two of you sat down on that bench for half an hour, with you even leaving him alone for a few minutes to get two ice cream cones.

After that, you took him for a drive around the city. He seemed to be more comfortable in the car, so you went all the way from Robinson Park to Diamond District, and back to the manor.

Bruce seemed very pleased with your update, and you swore you could see him actually smile.

“Thank you,” he had told you. “You’ve done more than I could have ever asked of you.”

“It’s no problem, Bruce. Really,” you reassured him.

“I’m his father. He is my responsibility. It’s my fault he’s even in that state. I wish I could do more for him,” he said solemnly.

“The fact that you understand what he needs is more than helpful, Bruce,” you smiled, “Not many parents can do that. You understand and respect him. That’s enough for now.”

He simply nodded.

Ever since your scheduled outings, Jason had become more and more relaxed whenever he was in the manor. He now walked to the kitchen on occasion to mess with Alfred while he cooked meals for him, sometimes sitting in the living room lounging on the couch while reading. Most of the time, though, he was down at the sparring zone of the Cave, working out.

But at night, he would never fail to knock on your door.

And at that particular night, you found yourself in the same situation again while lying down on your side with your back to his front, for the fifth time.

“You officially have to stop calling yourself broken,” you grumbled, “Because that thing poking into my ass is definitely not broken.”

He chuckled lowly. “You complaining, sweetheart?”

Oh, and yes. Jason now had started calling you ‘sweetheart’. Why? You had no clue. It was just a thing that happened. The look on your face when he first slipped it in was probably a sight to behold.

“No shit, I’m complaining, Jason,” you groaned, “You haven’t jerked off, yet? Not even once?”

“Nope,” he popped the P, “I just… I don’t want to… I don’t want to come.”

You sighed, understanding the situation. He had been disgusted with himself because he had ejaculated when Joker… Well, that. You hated to even think about it, so you always shoved the thought away.

“But unfortunately for me, I still get super horny,” he rumbled deeply, pushing his hips into you even more, “So fucking horny.”

“And then I have to suffer,” you complained.

“I can assure you, blue balls are more painful than something poking into you,” he bickered.

“It’s not that…”

“Then?”

“I get horny too, come on man,” you whined, “I’m a hormonal teenage girl. What did you expect?”

“You get horny too?” he whispered after a pause.

“Uh, yeah,” you admitted nervously. Somehow, the mood shifted, and your heart started drumming against your chest.

“Because of me?” he asked.

“Not you specifically, I mean,” you tried to back track, “You’re… Your dick pressing up against me like that, I mean, come on, Jason.”

“Simple question sweetheart,” he told you, “You get horny because of me, yes or no?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

Fuck, why did you say yes? You could have lied. You could have not answered.

“Yeah?” he breathed. You noticed that his hand was now on your hip, right above the waistband of your sleeping shorts, drawing circles onto your skin with his thumb.

You were nervous. The butterflies in your tummy was not helping you calm down.

“Yeah,” you squeezed your eyes shut, as if to protect yourself from anything he had to say.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping your hips and grinding his hard on against your ass even more. And did it… Fuck, did it get even harder?

Afraid of saying the wrong thing, and also out of nervousness, you remained silent. Jason’s chest rose and fall against your back, his respiratory rate increasing. His pinky finger slid underneath the waistband, testing the waters before slowly slipping his hand into your pants.

He went in so slowly, as if waiting for you to tell him no, to rip his hand away, to wrench yourself away from him. But you never did, so he went in deeper, caressing the skin beneath your pelvic bone, his heat just burning into you.

“You’re not wearing any underwear,” he commented, voice suddenly husky.

“I don’t wear them to bed,” you informed him.

“You mean to tell me,” he growled, “That all this while I’ve been sleeping next to you and you never had your panties on?”

“It’s more comfortable that way,” you mumbled.

“Jesus Christ,” he cursed. “Thank God I never knew. Would have been torture, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Jason,” you gasped.

“It’s true,” he said, “Damn, sweetheart.”

He went lower, closer to your center.

Your core was tingly, small pulses of electricity buzzed through your body as Jason came closer and closer and closer and-

He slipped his hands between your closed thighs and cupped you.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly, “Warm. Fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” you laughed, even though you felt like screaming on the inside. Screaming for more.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, burying his face into your nape, taking a deep breath. “You smell nice.”

Oh, shit. You totally forgot about Jason’s aversion to strong smells.

“I’m sorry!” you quickly apologised, “I can switch to an unscented shampoo as well so it wouldn’t be too strong for you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “I like it on you.”

He ground his hand into your center harder.

“Mmpf, Jay,” you breathed, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “I’ve never touched a girl like this before.”

“Really?” you widen your eyes in surprise.

“I was kept in a cell for two years, I couldn’t exactly talk, let alone touch, anyone can I?” he quipped.

“Right.”

“Teach me,” he said.

“What?” you whispered despite knowing what he meant.

A pause of silence. A deep intake of breath, a slow exhale.

“Teach me how to touch you,” he purred.

Fuck, you felt like exploding.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes. If you… If you want to.”

Your mind quickly tried to analyse the situation. Bruce had specifically said that Jason didn’t need any complicated matters in the relationship. It made sense. You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason with any confusion or uncertainty.

But at the same time, you’ve been figuring out how Jason thought, bit by bit. He’s told you many times that he just wanted to be normal again, to feel normal, to do normal things. And this was something that was normal, that he should do, that he wanted to do.

And you knew that he probably would take the rejection even worse.

“O-Okay,” you agreed.

Slowly, you separated your thighs, raising the one on top and hooking it over his legs behind you. Due to your shift in position, you felt the minute Jason’s fingers dip slightly into your folds.

“So, uh, this is my first time with a guy as well,” you squeaked, “But I’ll try to guide you.”

You licked your lips.

“Uhm, well, I guess you can start by running a finger up and down between my- oh! Yes, just like that.”

His middle finger slid down to your opening, and then up again slowly. His movements were uncertain, brushing only slightly against your clit unintentionally.

It was different, having someone else touch you. Somehow, despite the inexperience, it just felt better.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, “You’re so fucking wet. Do you usually get this wet?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “No? Yes? I don’t know! I can’t feel it.”

“Shit.”

You let him play with you some more, his fingers sliding up and down, sometimes pressing against your fleshy parts, sometimes circling and gathering your wetness, sometimes just parting your lips. Hell, he even tapped the tips of his fingers on you randomly or brushed into your delicate fuzz. You knew he was just exploring, feeling you for the first time.

And that thought made you smile and sigh.

“Teach me how to make you feel good,” he rasped.

“Uh, so your fingers are wet, right?”

“Yeah. Because you’re leaking all over them.”

“Okay, good. Now find my clit. It’s slightly above your finger, okay, to the left a bit. More. Okay, there! Yeah, right there,” you sighed, finally feeling that delicious pressure.

“Here?”

He tapped your clit.

“Ah!” you moaned, “Yes- but don’t just- nevermind, just gently circle it. Clockwise.”

He obeyed, and hell since when did Jason just obey?

He circled you gently, like you said. But he also went so, so slow.

“Faster, Jay,” you panted.

He went faster, making you groan in pleasure.

“Like this, sweetheart?” he muttered, his voice low and cracking, and sexy, and husky. You’ve never heard him sound like that before, and it drove you wild.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “Yeah, just like that. Fuck.”

“Feel good?”

“So good, Jay. Press a little harder now- fuck. Fuck. Yes, perfect. Just like that.”

The pressure built as his fingers did their magic.

“You- you’re surprisingly good at that,” you stuttered, “You sure- mmm- you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“Despite what you think,” he husked in your ear, warm breath tickling you. “I’m very good at following instructions.”

“I can see that.”

“But I’m also good at improvising.”

“Wha- oh. Oh. Fuck! Jason! Oh my fucking god!”

He started pressing even harder, and going even faster, throwing away the slow build you were going for and instead pushing you towards orgasm fast and hard, as if he was determined to prove something to you.

“Feel good, sweetheart?” he purred, “You gonna come soon?”

“Oh my- fuck, yes! Fuck, don’t stop!”

“You want to come for me?” his deep voice rumbled.

“Yes!”

What the hell? When did he learn how to talk like that?

Because with the mix of his heavy pants, his low voice coaxing you, his barrage of pleasure at your clit, you felt the familiar tightening of your core. You threw one hand back and found his hair. Running your fingers through them, you gripped them tight and pulled.

You pulled on his hair as he forced the orgasm onto you.

“Oh my God. Jason, I’m gonna- fuck- I’m- fuck- ah!”

You moaned loudly as you felt your walls flutter, clenching over nothing as you reached your high.

“O-okay, stop, fuck,” your hand went from his hair to his wrist, stilling him. He withdrew his hands from your pants, and went to grip you tight again by the waist.

“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” he groaned, grinding into you. You pushed your ass back, feeling his hardened length against your flesh in your post-orgasm bliss. “Jesus, that was so hot.”

“That was- yeah,” you giggled, “Fuck.”

His face was still buried in your neck. You could feel his lips on your skin.

“Uhm, I can, you know,” you sputtered, “Try to help you out?”

“It’s fine,” he breathed, body still tight against yours, “Just go to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” you asked again, feeling guilty that he didn’t get off. “I don’t mind.”

“I do,” he said, “It’s okay, sweetheart. That was great. I enjoyed that. I told you, I don’t want to come.”

“Okay,” you sighed.

“Go to bed.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

“Fuck, I’m so horny.”

“Jason,” you whined, “Really, I can help-”

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, “Goodnight.”

You pursed your lips.

“Goodnight.”

[kasienda]

Fanfiction Year In Review - 2020

The rest of 2020 was rough, but I sure wrote A LOT! And that feels good. 

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

Confessions to a Statue (Ladybug) - I’m lowkey shocked that this was finished in 2020. I feel like I wrote this one an eternity ago! It’s honestly not my favorite story, but I’m grateful to it for getting me writing in this fandom! 

Stutters (Ladybug Reveal - Marichat)

An Open Secret (Ladybug for Gift Exchange)

Instagram (Ladybug Reveal - Ladrien)

Anything to Protect You (Sailor Moon for Gift Exchange)

Locked in a Closet (Ladybug Reveal - Sequel to MissNoodle’s wonderful work.)

New York (Ladybug Reveal - Ladynoir)

A Craving For Chocolate Milkshakes (Sailor Moon)

Eight fics in total! Four of them multi-chapters! Crazy!

2 Number of words written: 

Written: 139k (as tracked by 750words.com)

Published: 105k (according to ff.net).

This is amazing! This is the first year (that I know of anyway - I’ve only been tracking for three years) that I broke 100k in one year!! I wrote every month, and I published at least one thing every month except August (I was moving in August).

I’m thrilled to see the written to published ratio as high as it is! It’s not something I’ve tracked before, but I always feel like I’m writing a ton and publishing very little, but it looks like that impression is fairly inaccurate. I’m publishing a lot more than I realized relative to how much I’m writing.

3 Your most popular fic:

My Miraculous Reveal Series has also gotten the most recognition of all my works this year, but it’s difficult to splice out which short is the most popular because I publish it as one series. Keeps my dashboard neater and gives the old ones a bit of attention whenever I post a new one. 

4 Your personal fav:

I think I’m insanely proud of both An Open Secret and Anything to Protect You. As I published each chapter, I often had the thought “This is the best thing I’ve written!” And that feels good. 

But right now, I am going to have to say an unfinished fic that I started this year - Restorative Justice - is my favorite. This is a fic that has pulled me out of my usual genre and gotten me closer to my life as a teacher. And it’s powerful and cathartic to turn these experiences into a story. I also really enjoyed exploring Chloé’s headspace. She’s just so angry, and like, this year that has been really easy to channel for some reason, and it all transferred to paper rather well. I’m kinda stuck in this fic at the moment though… 

5 Your fav scene:

I literally cannot decide. I could maybe pick a favorite scene in each fic I finished, but just one?! Nope! I can’t do it. So here’s my favorite scene in the three works I’ve spent the most time on this year: 

An Open Secret - the scene where Ladybug confesses to Chat Noir in the rain. The moment it all comes together for Adrien. I made myself cry. 

Anything to Protect You - Honestly, this one is HARD to pick. I really like the UsaMamo kiss in the first chapter, but I also love the dates. Especially the moment where she tells him she’s Sailor Moon and he thinks she’s joking. And the cattery date.

Restorative Justice - Chapter 3 - Where Chloe and Marinette are screaming at each other. I found it so satisfying. 

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

Writing the festival scene in Anything to Protect you was an absolute slog! I was struggling so hard with trying to somewhat accurately capture a cultural event that I myself have never directly experienced (I did so much research - I read a lot, I listened to music, I watched videos), and at the same time not stall the pacing of the story or emotional anchor of the piece. It was so hard, but I was really happy with how it came out. 

7 A line of writing you’re proud of: 

From the most recent update of a Craving for Chocolate Milkshakes: 

So she dove back into old habits and started drawing chibi-tuxedo masks all over her worksheet.

Go ahead. Do your worst. 

He always had some playful or snide critique of her scribbles.

She waited a whole ten seconds before she realized the mental silence would not be filled. Because he wasn’t there. He couldn’t see her doodles.

She burst into tears.

8 A comment that touched you: 

Honestly, this year it wasn’t so much what was in a comment, so much as it was when a comment arrived. Like when I was ready to tear my hair out arguing with the bank or insurance company, and then a review would pop up out of nowhere! Or when I was sitting next to my son at the hospital. Sadly, I don’t remember which comments were the ones that did this. But I think LitaKino had especially good timing more than once this year. And jennagrins as well! But there were so many others! I’m tell you all - comments are love!!

9 Something that inspired your writing:

There’s lots of the usual suspects - life, husband, children, students, etc.

But a lot of it this year has actually been reading other people’s stories and wanting them to keep going, or wanting them to have taken a different turn in the story arc. And then I have to open a doc a start a whole new fic! It’s kinda a problem honestly. I have thirteen active stories and another ten that I’m like - I would like to work on that, but it’s not happening at the moment. 

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

That I finished four multi-chapter fics! (Though two of them it was just the last chapter). I think I’m proving to myself that I can be somewhat disciplined about what I’m working on, so that the projects I want to finish, get finished! 

And I’m also learning that you can write a lot with just chewing away at it bit by bit. It’s not about the 3k word days. It’s about it being a habit. If you can write 100 words every day that’s 36k words in a year! I wrote an average of 378 words per day! My goal is only ever 200 words, but I try to have an unbroken chain. I did not succeed this year in that due to weekly work deadlines, but I came a lot closer than I ever have before.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I read my goals from last year and laughed. (Apparently, I wanted to finish Chocolate Milkshakes by the end of January. Bwahahaha!) But that’s okay. I wrote a ton this year!! It just wasn’t where I expected it to be. So that’s what I want this year to be about. I want to focus on my own personal projects by not making commitments for exchanges or events.

I have three WIPs right now that are just far more personal than anything else I’m working on. And these three stories are the ones I want to focus on this year. 

Invisible Wounds - (Ami/Zoi - Sailor Moon)

Restorative Justice - (Chloé POV - Ladybug) 

Right Behind You (Unpublished Adrino story - Ladybug) 

I imagine though that there will be one-shots that demand to be written in between, or one shots that will work me out of ruts, too. Or one shots that will explode into seven chapter outlines like jerks! Haha! 

But overall, my main goal is to just try to write every day!

I tag the following people to tell us about your fic writing accomplishments this year because you’re amazing!! @tinacentury @floraone @starlingsinclair@mikauzoran @chronicallylatetotheparty @ladyofthenoodle @alexseanchai @galahadwilder And anyone else that wants to! And of course, if I tagged you and you don’t want to, there is NO pressure. I’ve just enjoyed doing this over the years, and wanted to share the joy! 

[englandsgray]

Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30.  I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes.  The kiss is British television history.  Series 4 is my favourite.  Moriarty on the beach is life.  The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this.  I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms?  I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees.  Oh yes.  Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing.  So far so random!  Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown.  I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly.  That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.  

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge?   Thank you, firstly.  My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful.  I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of.  But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast.  I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it.  But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!       

What’s your favourite place and way to write?  My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous!  I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.   

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go?  Did you outline/plot in advance?  First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots!  The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage.  At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB.  Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!)  As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone!  I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end.  I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting.  I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases.  How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work?  I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience.  Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods.  I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach.  I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on.  Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.) 

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice.  That said, which character do you find easiest to write?  Which is the hardest?  Thank you so much.  I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style!  I find Molly and her POV really difficult.  I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me.  I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly?  The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards.  I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like.  I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’.  Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it?  Thank you!  Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for.  I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family.  This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street.  I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible.  I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that.  It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it.  But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will... 

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist?  What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing.  It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently.  Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time.  The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.  

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe!  Blame the zoom exercise class I do!  But oh my goodness, it’s Molly.  Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon.  Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons.  This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

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A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works