#someone else posted some of that shit like 'never say this isn't my job step up! take responsibility!' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notthestarwar · 1 year

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@starrrgazingbunny

Lol that's it!!! Obi Wan is always like 'it's a terribly difficult job being married to a man benevolent enough to keep offering up our sofa to whichever of his few million brothers is having a bad week' meanwhile Cody is like 'they wouldn't be on the sofa if you hadn't already given up every bed in the house to whichever poor soul you've stumbled across recently' and they act annoyed but they love each other for it.

Meanwhile Anakin is just a permanent fixture in their apartment by now. He watches all their arguments while eating cereal out the box like 'yeah this definitely isn't about me'.

And that is the exact feel!!! That spiderman meme but its fox and Boba on either side of a backstreet cloning lab (they aren't successfully doing cloning btw the fic goes in to the fact that none of them have the skill of the kamineese. There's just a lot of bodysnatching and attempting cloning going on. There's a comic book vibe to it 😂 lots of incompetent unethical scientists about)

Now it's funny you mention where Quinlan gets his money, as that part is addressed and I have written it! so wonder no more. Here's another snippet, later in the fic, with Cody once again concerned about fox's income (or lack of it) below. Here, Cody has found Fox's pi office (which he's been keeping secret from everyone because, he doesnt like being open with people lol) and tho fox doesn't tell him about Quin, he does think about it and that explains the source of the money

And yeah, if I ever finish it it'll be uploaded to ao3 and I usually post links here so (if I remember- sorry I do have a terrible memory lol) I can totally tag you. I've got multiple fics on the go atm tho and I'm trying to figure out a few rewrites of my older stuff so this one's definitely not on the menu atm. I may well do some more snippets of the bits I've written tho (there's a bit that explains the cloning crime wave and how Fox got involved that I may well put up on here) so if you're interested in the disjointed bits, I'm happy to tag you in those?

"Are you happy?"

Fox shot him a look. What kind of karking question was that?

He didn't say the words aloud but his brother seemed to read them in his face all the same. Cody was good like that.

"That, is the only question I'll ever want answered when it comes to you, Fox."

Fox stays stubbornly silent. Cody didn't seem to notice the poor welcome, settling in all the same.

His brother folds himself in to a chair, graceful as ever. Cody had always had this way of moving, there was a certain flow to his movements. Like molten metal, rolling but weighted all the same. Time in his Jedi's company had only made it worse.

Jedi moved like that because of the Force, its powers helping them stay one step ahead, always. More often than not, Jedi moved like life was a dance, their smooth movements rolling together like a predetermined routine.

His brothers movements belied that same determination, something that only grew more obvious with each day he spent in Kenobi's company. Kenobi moved with a grace fed by his precognition, but Cody moved in this way in spite of the Force's absence. Fox's brother had never needed mystical powers to be sure in his movements, he held within him a well rounded confidence born only of his own competence.

Cody met his eyes in the kind of piercing way that would make him revolt, had it come from someone else. Sitting opposite him, his brother looked directly in to his soul and waited, patiently.

It made Fox want to not say anything, just to prove that he could. He didn't though. He never could leave Cody waiting too long, he just didn't want to.

"I don't do this to be happy. I don't think it's something that ever could bring me that."

He scoffed. "Finding happiness in employment is some natborn shit, it doesn't exist."

He ran his tongue along his teeth. "This is my job because without it, I wouldn't stand a chance of finding that anywhere else in my life. These people need someone like me, to find them. I don't want to rest knowing that someone else is looking, I want to be the one that finds them. "

Cody tilts his head. Fox has potentially, said too much.

The problem with Cody has always been that he sees so much more than you want him to. Fox generally avoids these kind of conversations as admitting anything to his brother, usually results in you leaving that conversation, feeling somewhat skinned. Cody can somehow leave you feeling raw and open to the elements without so much as a word.

He's clearly seen whatever he was looking for as finally, he rights his head, only narrowing his eyes and asserting "That's OK then."

Fox bites back a snappy remark about being glad he's got permission. There would be no damn point. Besides, he hardly wants to give his brother any more to silently pick apart.

After a moments more careful watching, Cody smirks. The moment has broken. They are just brothers again.

"The only part I am a bit uncertain about is your insistence that this is a job. You aren't in employment Fox, whatever you say, you'd need an employer for that to be true and how can it be a job, when you don't accept any money?"

Fox shoots him an irritated look, glad they are finally past the point of talking. Conversation with Cody often feels like exposing delicate, wet organs. You find yourself edging around the kind of feelings and motivations that only live in the darkest depths of a person, those crammed in to the base of a heart, tucked deep within one's liver.

"As a matter of fact I do accept money. I have fees. That's the whole point of being a private investigator. It's a service which ones customers pay for."

Cody grins. Looking behind his shoulder, towards the door. "Sure, says it on the door. 25 an hour, what does that convert to these days? A stiff rate I'm sure. How often do you actually charge it though?"

Fox frowns. "I've done my time being ordered round by natborns. I won't accept money they offer in exchange for chaining me once again. I won't take money so that they can order me to deliver to them someone else for chaining."

Cody gives him another scrutinising look. "You're a good man. I don't think anyone says enough but it's true." You should hear it more. "Declining a paycheck in favour of what is right is an honorable thing."

He lets his words hang there a moment before continuing, "There's no shame in feeding yourself though. Can't help anyone if you can't eat."

Why did it always come back to this.

"That's not a problem. I'm fine." Fox tells him. " Go back to your Jeti. You've done your bit, you are allowed to go back and enjoy your life once again".

Cody hums. "Isn't it though? Because a little bird told me you aren't taking on much of anything paid at the moment." He narrows his eyes. "You send them away. Sometimes you send them away and do the job anyway." He raises an eyebrow. "Surely you can take their money and just tell them the person didn't want to be found?"

"I could. I won't." Fox replies stiffly. "These people think they own you once they pay your bills. I don't do this for them, I do this for the people who need to be found, who need their lives back in their own hands. "

Cody sighs. "I know, but those people can't pay. If you are saving them anyway. Why can't you just take the money under the agreement that its not for delivering their missing person back to them, but in payment of ensuring their safety? Payment for what you're doing anyway."

"I could." Fox agrees. "I do sometimes. But I won't do it if they are only paying me with the idea that I'll help them trap that person once again. The idea of it is an anathema. It doesn't do the missing person justice. It's not fair."

Cody shook his head. "You know what I think? I think you are fucking yourself over in service of an ideology that nobody cares about but you. Have any of these people told you they are annoyed you took daddy's money?"

Fox says nothing.

"Of course they haven't!" Cody continues. "Because they aren't! They're just happy that you found them, no matter who brought the case to your attention. No matter who dropped their money on a service you're clearly happy to provide for free."

He looks frustrated. "Look, you know what, it doesn't matter. All I care about is you having enough to live on. While I've got more than I need, I guess it doesn't matter if you want to work for free, as long as you'll ask me for what you need."

Cody sighed. "At least give me that Fox. When you need money, let me know".

Fox scowls at the wall. He could feel Cody's eyes boring in to him. "OK fine whatever".

He could say it to keep his brother happy. Of course he wouldn't actually ever need to ask because Fox's outgoings were sorted, thanks to Quinlan, not that he'd be telling his brother that.

It went like this; Quin like all Jedi, was given a monthly stipend. Quin unlike the rest of the jedi, did not need that stipend to live off, as he preferred to live off whoevers sofa was nearest to him.

Quin liked to come back to Fox, more often than not. He had been doing so for years.

Quin was not the type to need a home or belongings. He preferred to rob travel money from whatever unsuspecting crime boss had crossed his eyeline than to use Jedi funding.

It didn't matter that he wouldn't use the jedi money, they'd send it to him all the same.

The Jedi liked to provide for their own. Quin liked to know that Fox was eating and so, quite against Fox's will, for the past 13 months, Quin had transferred his monthly stipend, out of his account and in to Fox's. Fox didn't need the money and it wasn't a thing. Him and Quin were not anything.

Quin taking it upon himself to hand his money over to Fox didn't mean anything. It was just a Quinlan'ism, one of many. A thing the man did, quite in spite of any kind of logic.

It wasn't like Fox had been hard up before the arrangement started. He may not take much money for investigating, but he did tend to come in to range of large amounts of money, in the ownership of very undeserving people, during his work.

He used most of it to set up the people he found, in new lives. He used a little to keep him alive.

He hadn't needed to, these past 13 months. Fox's bills went paid, if he worked or not and they would continue to. It left a strange taste in his mouth. A indescribable feeling in his stomach. Fox didn't like to think of it.

#notthereply #snippet #star wars au

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grimgoregrimoire · 1 year

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» [Misguided Ghosts - Paramore] «

0:00 ─〇───── 0:00

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

𝕴𝖒𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖞𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 𝖔𝖋 𝕲𝖎𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖀𝖕

══ஓ๑🦇๑ஓ══

I've been hesitant to post here. I haven't known what to talk about, and I've been anxiously picking through what would be the perfect first post, the perfect place to start.

I've come to the conclusion that there's never a perfect place to start, whether it's the start of your story, meeting someone for the first time, or hell entering a roundabout! There is no such thing, and you'd think I'd know that by now.

My father once told me, "If you're uncertain about where you're stepping, toss something onto your path."

He was making sure I didn't bust my ass on a particularly questionable jungle gym, but I feel like it applies here as well.

When I first started my story I was just having fun, throwing shit on my path all day just to see what would stick. When I decided writing was going to be a full-time job, that's when shit got real.

I was just out of high school and all I knew was authors didn't look like me! Authors look like James Patterson and Stephen King, authors are scholars and socialites. They aren't some smart-ass sixteen-year-old kid with neon orange hair and nothing to their name but a story they wrote on their phone and a go-fuck-yourself attitude.

Even now, starting this blog, I don't feel like I'm in the right place. I know the kinds of people that run book blogs, they keep everything nice and tidy, they always have fun aesthetical pictures to perfectly backdrop their words, they're cheery and sweet and they always have something encouraging to say.

They're not lying on their carpet, high on cold medicine for a sinus infection, typing their posts out on their phone keyboard at 1 AM.

It's anxiety provoking and isolating as fuck to think like that, it's self-sabotage and I need to knock that shit off, but the truth of that matter is those thoughts happen! No matter who you are, or what you're doing, it's natural to doubt yourself because you've never been here and/or done this thing before. Unfortunately, there's no guidebook (despite multiple books titled "how to write your book") or magic crystal ball telling you how to do it perfectly because no one is you and no one can do it like you, and until you do it you'll never know how it comes out.

"But how can I do this thing if I've never done it before?"

Do you think in whenever the fuck BC they knew how to perform heart surgery? No! They cut open Mr. Caveman Dinosaur Guy and diddled his heart a little until they learned something! Sure, a few people died at first, but the good news is that more than likely, you probably won't!

Imposter syndrome is so unbelievably real that it hurts, and unfortunately, the only cure for it is to let it win and give up. While that might be a reasonable solution to keep your wits about you, it isn't a sustainable one.

Giving up is like cigarettes, it's comforting, it eases your anxieties, but, at the end of the day, it's not good for you and like everything else will kill you.

Sure, it helps in the moment, but it isn't a cure.

You ever hear the phrase "shit or get off the pot"?

Well, someday you're eventually going to have to shit. It doesn't have to be today, take your time, enjoy some delicious bran muffins, but someday your time is going to come! So keep your head up and do it on your own terms.

And, unless you are Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can, the only person your imposter syndrome is hurting is you, so let it go.

Easier said than done, but as long as nobody is traveling back in time to stop your parents from meeting, never doubt yourself.

You're way better than you think you are.

That's the tip of the week. Write it down.

El que no arriesga, no gana

- Izzy 🖤

🦇

If you follow the second link I put with the song, it's to the genius lyrics page where Hayley Williams talks about a similar thing. I don't know, I just felt like it was powerful :)

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forever--rain · 3 years

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I wanted to create a separate post for this, @thebansheeandherboy, because it’s a topic that is near and dear to my heart as a little sister with an older brother. (And this got...LONG. So I've hidden part of it under the cut.)

My brother used to be very set in his patriarchal ways. Certain things were "a woman's job." He was absolutely convinced there was something wrong with every guy who miraculously took interest in me. For a long time, we had a very Sokka-and-Katara-Book-1 relationship. Antagonistic yet fond. Full of conflict yet protective.

As we grew up, he dated some girls who were very strong-willed and courageous. They didn't take his crap. They were my earliest feminist influences and I love them all for it. Without them, I may not have found my voice and become the person I am today. And they changed him, too.

He's very supportive of my independence now. He thinks I kick ass and is extremely proud of who I am, even if we don't always see eye to eye. And as the years have passed, he's learned that my judgement in regard to friends and significant others is pretty good. Sure, I made my youthful follies, but so did he.

Though I know he'll never admit it out loud because it would mean admitting that he likes someone whose views directly oppose his, he actually likes my S.O. and he's glad that we finally found our way to one another. And though I know I'll never hear the precise words, "I like him," I see it in a myriad of little ways which I won't delve into now because it's not pertinent.

"Ever," you may be asking. "What does any of this have to do with fictional characters?"

Well, Sokka learned from strong female influences as well. He shed his misogynistic views and embraced Katara, Suki, and Toph for who they were--strong women. He learned not to underestimate them. I've seen that in real life and I can relate to it.

It's my personal headcanon that Sokka and Zuko become lifelong best friends after everything that happened during the war. Zuko would come to admire Sokka's ingenuity and Sokka would appreciate Zuko's sense of duty and honor. They'd both respect each other's leadership skills and be in constant communication about inventions or laws or anything else under the sun. They'd be good sounding boards for one another. (And they'd also really grow to appreciate each other's senses of humor.)

(Truly, these two are my brotp.)

In a universe where Zuko and Katara get together, I actually see Sokka catching on long before either of them do. Maybe Suki would have to clue him in, but I don't think so. I think he'd catch on to their chemistry at the Western Air Temple during the war. And I think that he'd sit down with Zuko to talk to him after the war. Not in an "over protective big brother" kind of way or anything. He'd definitely just want to thank Zuko for saving Katara's life since she's always been the one to sacrifice for everyone else. He'd make sure to tell Zuko what that means to him and how much he respects him for it. He might even tell Zuko that he's like a brother to him.

That would be the beginning of it, though.

Sure, maybe a part of Sokka would find it weird because it's his little sister and his best friend (and, honestly? I'd find it weird at first if my best friend liked my sibling), but he'd kind of get it. Zuko and Katara push one another. They complement one another. They have a selfless and unconditional give and take that somehow always remains equal. Plus, Sokka knows Katara better than anyone. She's strong-willed and determined. Even if he hated the idea of her and Zuko getting together, that wouldn't stop her. He knows, too, that Zuko has always seen Katara for who she is. Zuko's not once underestimated her. He'll remember when Zuko and Katara went to track down Yon Rha and that memory will reinforce in his mind that Zuko is willing to provide Katara with unwavering support no matter the decision she makes.

And when he notices them looking at each other when the other has no clue, he'll realize he's seen that look before. Katara looks at Zuko the way Suki looks at him. And Zuko might be better at hiding his emotions than Sokka ever could be, but he can't completely disguise the way his eyes go soft when Katara walks into a room. (Don't forget: Sokka trained with Piandao. He has higher observational skills than most people give him credit for.)

And he'd just kind of watch over the years as Zuko and Katara sit in denial and dance around it. But he'd also definitely tease them both about it relentlessly, don't get me wrong! He'd make kissy faces at Zuko behind Katara's back. He'd walk around after Katara mimicking her voice as he says, "Oh, Zuko's so handsome. Zuko's such a powerful bender. Zuko has such nice, shiny hair." (Until Katara bends a snowball into his face, of course.)

Maybe Katara would try dating other people. Sokka would say things like, "You know, this guy doesn't make you laugh. Even Zuko makes you laugh." Or, "This guy can't even sling a boomerang! At least Zuko can wield two swords at once. You should find someone like that." Or, "You should be with someone who's unafraid to give you autonomy and likes your political ideas."

And if Zuko looked like he was about to give in to an arranged marriage, Sokka might step in in a subtler way. "You know, you should find someone who challenges you and inspires you to be a better person. Someone with aspiration who isn't afraid to speak her mind. Especially if she's speaking up for the average person. And you should really try to find someone you love because leading a nation seems like a lonely thing and you don't deserve to be alone."

When they finally decided to try to be together, the two of them would keep it under wraps at first. People might suspect, but there'd be no concrete evidence. Toph would claim she's noticed a difference in the energy between them. And Suki might say Katara's letters suddenly contain a little too much Zuko. But Sokka, ever the skeptic, wouldn't buy into it because his best friend and his sister are dense.

Maybe Sokka stumbles across them snuggled under a tree by the turtleduck pond one day. Or maybe he catches them kissing during the winter solstice celebration in the Southern Water Tribe. And he definitely pulls something melodramatic because, let's face it, he's Sokka. Plus, he just wants to give them shit because he's still Katara's brother and Zuko's best friend and he's obligated.

Afterward, though, he'd track Zuko down. Zuko might try to explain in his usual fumbling manner, but Sokka would just look at him and say, "You know if you hurt her or leave her or if you don't find a way to make this last forever, she'll kill you, right?" And then he'd pull out a flask of Southern Water Tribe vodka, raise it in Zuko's direction and say, "Flameo, hotman. Flameo." And together they would toast to Zuko and Katara's relationship.

(But Sokka would still lovingly give them shit for the rest of their lives.)

#this was so fun to write #thank you for asking me about this banshee!!!#i've never thought that sokka would have a problem with zuko and katara getting together #so getting to put my thoughts into words was fun #zutara #zutara headcanon #zuko x katara #sokka #sokka headcanon #headcanon #water sibs #zuko and sokka are my brotp

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barcaavengers · 3 years

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Weakness || Bucky Barnes Imagine || Pt. 4

Note: Here we go! This part is mostly a short fluffy moment. Reader being there for Bucky when he talks to Yori, and supporting him when he admits he will always be missing a key person in his amends. Next part will probably be more fluff, domestic and carefree Bucky cause we all know the Wilson's bring out the best in him. I'm thinking of what else to add to it so I want you guys to tell me what you'd like to see in part 4!

Updated: The first posting was all messed up and cut parts for some strange reason so it is now updated correctly!

Disclaimer: Gif not mine. All credits belong to @ryangoslings Tag List: ❤️ @hanakin-im-panakin, @evie-pr, @justinekomwriterkru, @felicityofbakerstreet, @maaaaryx, @ijustwantedplums, @winterberryfox, @ttatum14, @pastelbabygirl19, @love-buckybarnes, @forever-aimless, @izzlenizzlebizzle @pastel-boy-sungjae, @johnmurphys-sass, @ren-ni, @rachelizabethgraham

"This looks so different…" Bucky says as you two walk down the streets of Manhattan. "Steve and I would come to a hot dog stand on that corner after school. I would get him the same order every day" he says as you two walk.

"Wow, the same order" you smirk.

"He felt bad whenever I paid him, it was the cheapest order so he always asked for it no matter how many times I told him he could order something else."

"I have always admired your loyalty to each other" you say. "Never gave up on each other, always had each other's back no matter what."

"There was a time we were all we had left" he says and you could hear the nostalgia in his voice.

"Well, things change now" you bump into him and he chuckles, hands tucked in his jacket pockets. "You are not alone. You got Sam and you got me" you smile at him and he looks at you, smiling back. How much you loved this happy side of him was beyond words.

"I couldn't be more thankful," he says. His hands fall from his pocket and for a moment you see him hesitate after lifting one hand, until he realizes you were on his left side, so he drops it.

"You can do it, you know?" His eyes go wide for a moment, like if you have read his mind.

"Was it that obvious?"

"A little" you giggle and you can see his cheeks flushing. You reach for his gloved hand, but he moves it out of your reach. "Easy steps, remember?" You pause as you look at him. He nods his head before moving his hand to yours and you hold it. "So…" you trail off and get close to him, taking his arm and wrapping it over your shoulder. "This is what you wanted to do, right?" You ask him with a smile.

"Too predictable?" He asks.

"Not at all," you grin. You notice he is almost hovering it, he is touching you alright but not letting it actually drop on your shoulder. "Relax," you say. He let out an air through his nostrils before he rests it completely. The arm wasn't that heavy, or it wasn't to you. You haven't said anything about the Serum still having a slight effect on you although you have slowly felt it leaving your body.

"Thank you, for being so patient," he looks down at you as you two walk down Central Park.

"I told you I'd wait for you, I meant that" you admit. "I'm sure you will get the hang of being around a girl real quick again" you tease.

"I wonder what Steve said to you about me" he chuckles.

"That you got all the girls, even the dates you got for him" you smirk. "A true charmer" you say playfully.

"Jerk" he chuckles. "I didn't even try."

"With those looks? Of course you didn't try. One word and girl's would show you their ankles in one go" you laugh.

"Now I see enough ankles" he looks around and you elbow his side playfully and he pretends to be hurt.

"Don't you dare look other girl's ankles, Barnes" you tease.

"I'll try," he chuckles. "How have you been feeling though?"

"It's...almost gone" you shrug. "I mean, I feel it still but it isn't like the first time."

"I don't like that," he frowns.

"I know. If that stays in my system you won't see me as someone you have to save or help cause I can take care of my own."

"It has never been about that, doll" you duck your head so your hair falls and covers your cheek. The word making your cheeks flush instantly. "I'll still be there to save you, and you don't need saving so it isn't even that. You don't need help. I'm just worried of the toll it could have on you. That was a prototype, we don't know the side effects it could have…" he admits.

"Hopefully none" you bite your lower lip.

"We will figure it out," Buck says as he stops to pull his phone out when it starts ringing. "Sam?" You eye him curiously as he answers.

"Look at those lovebirds, taking a walk through the park like old people" you hear Sam on the other side of the phone. Your eyes look around the green areas, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Considering I'm a hundred and six" Bucky is looking for him too, dropping his arm off your shoulder.

"You dumbasses realize that I can fly, right?" That makes you two look up and you squeak at the sight.

Sam was above you, his wings and uniform were different, more white than the colors that Steve used to wear for his Captain America uniform. It was a sight. He lands perfectly in front of you, wings extended before they get concealed.

"Holy shit, is that what you asked Shuri to do?" You ask Bucky.

"Just a little something," he shrugs.

"Damn, Sam." You laugh as you go around him, his wings coming out scaring you off making him laugh.

"You like it?" He asks.

"I do" you say and squeak again at the shield on his back. "Oh, that's awesome." You say as you poke the shield.

"Thanks, man." Sam says to Bucky with a grin.

"No problem." Bucky says with a nod of his head. "What's up?"

"Karli is going to try to sabotage the votes in the GRC tonight" Sam says.

"If you give me a chance to change to something more comfortable I can be there."

"Alright. Voting starts in an hour. I'll send you the coordinates" he says and the jetpack initiates. "Sorry for ruining your date!" He shouts as he goes up to fly away.

"Right," your lips pressing together and you turn to Bucky. "You are going to change too?"

"Nah, I think I'm good. I'll go with you."

"If you want you can go and meet with Sam. I'll be quick" you shrug. He eyes you and you tilt your head, "I'll be fine, Buck."

"Be fast," he says and pecks your lips before he walks away without a glance back at you. It takes you a second to process that gesture before you start running back to your place.

When you get into the building, Sam, Bucky and Sharon were already inside in their respective places for the mission. Karli was forcing everyone out, which you had to admit, it was quite smart. Then you find yourself in the garage of the building where the armored cars with the Senators were leaving from. "Bucky?"

"I'm here," he says as he comes from your side. "Karli distracted me on the phone." He says as he takes the keys from one of the bikes, tossing it to you before he gets on one of them. "You are coming with me."

"Seriously guys, you had one job," Sharon says from your earpiece.

"You worry about your guy" Bucky says as he accelerates the bike. "Stay behind me." You nod your head before reviving the engine and taking off as instructed.

When you arrive at the meeting point of the Flag Smashers, Bucky turns to you, "You still have that adrenaline rush?" He asks, not stopping his bike.

"I think so!" You shout.

"Get ready!" And with that he hits the break of the bike, sending him forward and he tackles one of the group.

You jump off yours before taking the bike by the handles and flinging it forward to the group, taking down two of them at once. You are quick to run to them and kick one on the side, sending him back a few feet away, the other one comes at you and you avoid their hits for a moment before they take both of your arms. You screech as they try to hold you back but you are quick to kick the back of the knee of one of them, making her lose her grip before you move backwards behind the other person, making them follow you for a moment which gives you the chance to use their weight to your advantage and fling them over you and to the floor with a loud thud.

"Karli!" You shout as you see the group lighting up both trucks. Bucky is quick to try to open one and you go for the other one but to no avail.

"Morgenthau!" Walker's voice echoes and your eyes widened and you look at Bucky.

"How the hell does he keep showing up?!" You ask, but not really expecting an answer.

John is getting beaten by the Flag Smashers and Bucky is quick to save him from one of them, and you get to Karli, kicking her on the side, sending her against a fence. "Don't make us do this, Karli." A member of the group catches you off guard and wraps their arm around your neck, Karli delivers a few punches into your stomach that takes your breath away before punching you in the face. You are let go of and drop to your knees. Yep, the Serum was wearing off. Your vision was blurry, but you see Karli kicking Bucky and you see him sliding to the edge of the construction site before falling, hearing his scream. "Bucky!" You shout and are quick to stand up and run to the edge.

Everything keeps happening in quick blurs. John helps hold back the falling truck you couldn't open, and he manages to almost do it until the group kept going at him making them all fall to where Bucky was. Sam stops the truck from falling and is able to open the doors thanks to Redwing, so you help the Senators before jumping down to where your friends were. Batroc throws smoke grenades and Karli and her crew escape your sight until Sam identifies them and you follow, along with Walker.

Next thing you know, Sam is bringing Karli's body and talking with the senators and you had to lean against one of the trucks to process her death. Of course you didn't know her, but she was just a kid fighting for a very good reason but in the wrong ways. She was just a kid.

The next morning, the sound of a knock on your door woke you up. You lazily stand up, dragging your legs across the floor to your apartment door. Usually you would ask before opening the door, but you were too tired from the fight from last night to even be careful. When you open the door, you find the Sergeant right in front of you. "Hi" he breathes out. "Sorry, I- I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No. It's okay. Um...Come in" you step aside and he walks in. His cerulean eyes look around your apartment while you close the door. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah. It's just...I want to go visit someone, you know, about what Sam talked to me about...I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. If not it's okay. It's early but-"

"Yeah," you interrupt him and he sighs in relief. "Just let me change real quick before we go" you pat his chest as you walk to your room, leaving him behind you. You pull your shirt over your head, tossing it to the side and grabbing a bra and pulling it on, then throwing a shirt on. You reach for your jeans and step on them in front of the mirror, only to catch Bucky's eyes before they drift away like the gentleman he is.

He takes you in his bike to his destination, your arms wrapped around his waist. This felt too... intimate and your head can't help but wander off at the situation, you have to shake your head when things get heated in that daydreaming you were having. He parks the bike on the street side and turns it off. He was quiet, jaw clenched, eyes showing his concentration.

"Buck?" You call as you step out of the bike, following him. "Are you sure you are ready?" You ask him as you step in front of him.

"Yeah…" he clears his throat and your head tilts to the side.

"I'll be out the door, okay?"

"I don't know where to start…" he admits, looking at the entrance of the building. He was nervous, fidgeting with his own fingers, his voice slightly trembling.

"You will when it comes to it" you nod your head. You take his vibranium hand in yours and give it a reassuring squeeze. "Just one more name and you will be free, Bucky." A smile goes up your lips and his head nods.

"I know... It's just...he trusted me from day one. Telling him this about his son after so long…"

"I'm sure Yori will understand, not right away, but he will" he returns the squeeze of your hand before letting go. He walks inside and you follow him closely. He hesitates in front of the door before knocking. You lean against the wall, he looks back at you and you nod your head before his eyes return to the door as it opens.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Yori asks as he looks at James. "It's early, come in before someone calls the cops" the man says before he catches your form a few feet away. "Is she with you?" He asks.

"Uh, yeah, but don't worry about her…" Bucky waves off. You nod your head to the man with a smile before Bucky walks in and the door closes.

You wait patiently outside, your head resting against the wall and closing your eyes. Not even twenty minutes go by until you hear the door opening and Bucky walking out, shutting the door close behind him. You could see he was on the verge of tearing up, the tip of his nose red, his shoulders hunched and his head hanging low. "Bucky," you call quietly and he looks at you. He walks up to you and you wrap your arms around him. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay…" you coo as he holds you close to him, the few tears he let out wetting your shirt. "You gave him closure, Bucky. You gave yourself closure. You did the right thing…"

"He won't forgive what I did. What I did to his son…" his voice was shaking and it broke your heart into a million pieces.

"He won't forget, but he will understand later that it wasn't really you. I promise" your hand moves to the back of his head, your fingers soothingly moving along his scalp.

After a few seconds, he pulls away before taking his book out of his jacket pocket, taking out a pencil as well and scratching the name off his book. He stares at the book for a moment, looking at all the names he has crossed. Your hands place on top of his and you press your lips against the back of his palms, he looks down at you and nods his head before sighing and putting the book back on his pocket. "I need to do one more stop…"

After taking the bag with the book and an envelope with Bucky's gratitude. He takes you back to your place. You don't remove your arms from around his waist until after he turns the bike off. "Feeling better?" You ask, your chin resting on his shoulder blade.

"I do," he says with a nod of his head.

"Come on," you say and pat his back before stepping out of the bike and walking to your apartment. He is quiet as he walks with you and comes through the door, sitting on your couch. "We have to drink for today" you say as you walk to your fridge and pull two beers out, tossing one to him which he is quick to catch with his vibranium arm. "For closures, for partners, and for the beginning of something new" you say with a smile as you sit beside him.

"Cheers to that" he raises his beer before the two bottles make a crystal sound as they bump into each other. He takes a sip from his drink and stares at the bottle afterwards, his mind somewhere else.

"Steve would be proud, you know?" The mention of his best friend's name makes his eyes light up. "I know I am" you say as you take a swig.

"I thought I would never be able to finish that list," he says. "There's still one person I couldn't even apologize for what I did back then. I know they hated me for it but-"

"You are talking about Tony?" His head nods. "He never brought it up after what happened" you say. "Tony felt betrayed, Steve kept that from him, never mentioned it. That alone and the accords complicated things to a different level."

"That was a horrible moment…"

"Tell me about it" you say and take a sip of your beer, so does he. "I had to step out, I couldn't fight Tony, I couldn't fight Steve or you. The best thing I did was to stay out of it. I couldn't have forgiven myself if I fought any of you…" you say. "Tony wouldn't have admitted it...but I know he knew it wasn't something you could've controlled."

"Even then, I never got a chance to say something about it…" he says as he fidgets with the bottle. His cheekbones doing that thing you couldn't describe but you found attractive…

"I'm sure he understood in the long run…" you assure him. Bucky was looking at the floor, lost in thought.

"Hey, no. Let's not ruin the good moment we were having" you whine as you lean against him and he let out a soft chuckle. "We have to celebrate later with Sam. He is officially out there as Captain America," you raise your bottle and grin.

"True" you can see how proud Bucky was of Sam by the smile that appeared on his lips. "I'm glad he took the shield back."

"I'm sure he is too, and he will do a great job. He already did with that speech." There is a moment of silence. "I'll go get another one, you want one too?" You ask him noticing his beer was about to be empty.

"Uh, yeah, sure" he lifts it up.

You walk towards the kitchen and open the fridge, pulling two beers. "I have to restock-" you say as you turn around only to be met by Bucky's body a few inches away. His gaze was soft as he looked down at you. You could feel his hot breath close to you, and you were sure he could hear the fast beating of your heart. His tongue runs along his lips, and you can't help but bite on your lower lip as you look up into his eyes. "Bucky-"

"I just...want to try something…" his vibranium takes the beers from your hands and sets them aside, then resting it against the fridge, caging you, but where in any other situation you would've been defensive, you were calm because this was all Bucky, not the Winter Soldier. His other hand moves to the side of your neck, his fingers resting on the nape of it, moving ever so slowly. You can feel your cheeks flushing, your breath hitching as he leans in, his lips pressing against yours slowly. Three times you two have kissed, three times he has kissed you differently and three times you have felt different.

The first kiss was an impulse of yours, very out of place, but he kissed back anyway, even if it was a liplock kind of kiss. You felt guilty about it, you felt like you took advantage of the situation and you two had a small argument about how you shouldn't apologize for it. The second back at Sam's house which he initiated. It lasted somewhat longer than the first one, it was something that happened with the moment because you were talking about your status. Now this, which you wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to try that something. You melted into the kiss, trying to mold your body against his. Your hands rest on both sides of his hip ever so lightly, your lips moving slowly against his, his tongue brushing your upper lip. Your head tilts, deciding to test the waters by deepening the kiss, and you were glad when he didn't pull away like the first time.

His body presses closer to yours and your fingers curl around his shirt, unconsciously pulling him closer. Your teeth graze his lips and he hums, and gosh you would lie if that didn't awaken something in you. He pulls away slightly, and you take the chance to get your breathing in check, your eyes open slowly while his remain close for a few more opens until his eyelids lift. "You good?" You ask under your breath and he nods, noticing he was short of breath as well. One of your hands let go of his shirt, moving up his side and wrapping around his neck, the one on your neck moves to your waist, holding you close to him but he leaves against the fridge his metal arm.

His lips connect with yours again, this time isn't slow, it's more urgent and you can't help but give into it. You bring him closer, if possible, as you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. Your tongue trails his lower lip, and he grants the access, a soft moan escaping your lips as his own intertwine with yours. His finger traces your skin where your shirt rolled a bit and you shiver under his touch at the contact of his hand touching a part of skin he hadn't touched before.

Then your phone goes off and you break the kiss, your forehead resting against his as you pant, so does Bucky. "I-"

"Yeah. It could be urgent…" he clears his throat and drops his left hand from the fridge and the one on your back. You look at his lips one last time, catching your breath before walking to the table and picking up your phone.

"Hey, Sam" you say as you look at Bucky who slowly turns to face you.

"Hey, kiddo. Just wanted to invite you and Barnes to a cookout my family will have tomorrow."

"Oh, uh" you look at Bucky who shrugs. "Sure, I'll let him know."

"He already knows, huh?" Sam chuckles.

"Shut up, Sam," you say playfully.

"Well, be safe. Have fun. Not too much fun though" Sam chuckles.

"Weren't you the one to tell us to take baby steps?"

"Depends on how big the baby already is."

"Sam!"

"I'll see you two tomorrow! Bye now!" And he hangs up.

You stare at the phone in your hand before sighing. "Cookout tomorrow?" You offer the man an apologetic smile, tapping your phone against your palm.

"Would be nice to go back," Bucky shrugs, leaning against the kitchen counter. "I go if you go."

"Only if you want to" you walk to the counter, standing on the other side of it so it was the only thing between you two. "We can take the first flight tomorrow. I can go and pick you up," you shrug. Then you have that idea… "Or you-" you stop yourself. Nope. Too straightforward. "Nevermind."

"What were you going to say?" His head tilts, eyeing you curiously.

"Oh, nothing" you put your phone down on the counter and scroll through the airline app looking for a flight. "There is a flight tomorrow at 5am. We can get there early to spend some good time there." Best attempt to change the subject, but when you look up, Bucky is eyeing you. "Oh, no. I'm not gonna talk."

His lips purse and he walks around the counter and you curse under your breath. "Would it be that bad?"

"Terrible actually," you swallow harshly as he stands in front of you, his arms crossing against his chest making his biceps bulge out. Why was he like this? His head nods in agreement, but he has that face that you know he won't let go of it until you speak up. You sigh. "Fine," you pause. "Can I walk you through a hypothetical?"

"Using my words. This sounds promising" he says, and you see that playful smile on his lips which purse as he waits for the answer. No matter how many times he smiled, you were glad about two things. One, that he was now falling to the Bucky he once was, he was getting his personality back. Two, that his smiles were around you, that you in a way have helped him. Yes, there was still a long way to go because he still hesitates about some things, but it was okay. Every new thing he tried you took it as a huge step.

"So, what if, hypothetically, you…" you trail off, "you stayed the night and we go to the airport." His gaze softens, and you see he is thinking of your words. "Hypothetically, okay? Like, just an idea. That way we just go straight to the airport." You can't help but chew on the inside of your cheek nervously.

"That's- I would- I would like that" he was stammering. "But, um...I don't want to make you feel-"

"If you say uncomfortable after you kissed me not more than five minutes ago I'm gonna kick your ass" you say and he smirks, but he remains somewhat serious. "You can sleep on the couch" you were regretting this. The more you say, the more you felt you were screwing it up. "I mean, if you want, Buck. It was a random suggestion." You wave off and turn around to continue looking for the flights.

"Hey" Bucky calls and you continue on your phone. His hand rests on your back before it reaches your waist and turns you around, you avoid his gaze but he bends down a little to meet it. "I would like nothing more than to stay with you, doll" he starts. "But I- I don't trust myself enough to stay around you while the nightmares are still there. I don't want to hurt you."

"Bucky," your hand rests on his cheek, his stubble poking the inside of your palm, feeling his warmth. "I trust you." He leans against your hand and kisses the inside of it, sending warmth all over your body. His cerulean eyes were looking at you with such affection that was making you weak. "I know the Winter Soldier is gone. It's just a matter of time that the nightmares will stop, when you feel more at ease."

"I know, doll" he nods his head and you smile softly at him. He pulls you closer to him, leaning in and kissing your forehead. Lips lingering there for a moment. "I'll go get my things. Text me which flight you choose" he says as he pulls away, letting go of your body before walking out the door.

You felt like this trip could help him. There was nothing to be worried about. No Zemo. No Karli. No Flag Smashers. He could now be at ease and sort his thoughts out now that he has finished his book. This could be the perfect getaway if things planned out right.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #marvel #marvel imagines #marvel imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #(mine)#(weakness pt. 4)#tfatws #tfatws imagine #tfatws imagines

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zevzevarainai · 3 years

Note

ALSO i really do want to hear ur sera defense rant so please share 💕

THE WRITERS did my girl DIRTY

in game terms, she's a neurodivergent lesbian who gives a very different perspective of the whole dragon age plot line. her VA does an amazing job especially with her laugh her laugh is so genuine also she's v cute and i want to kiss.... her....

One thing I really love about Sera is that she's so different from the other companions. Disclaimer I'm not saying she isn't flawed that's a big part of her character... but the others are very righteous and "we gotta close the breach" and "inquisitor you gotta act like a leader" but Sera is very real and even though she's very opinionated, she is one of the only characters who grows as a person if you let her. sure, you've got companion quests, but they don't really change.

So right off the bat, you've got this girl with a ton of personality wanting to join you; you learn that her whole deal is she fights for the oppressed which i adore. And I like that it's not just mages or templars she really cares about the people in the crossfires and who don't get talked about, like mistreated servants and the lower class being stepped on by nobles.

A big problem people have with her is that she doesn't care about mages and elves, which i understand i am very pro both. But in reality she needs to unlearn it AND SHE CAN if you take the time to befriend her. Anyway I am going to focus on these two points because this is the biggest source of hate I see for her

On Mages:

Sera was taught at a young age to fear magic (not mages). She never says that mages are Bad. She is just scared of them. She legit has panic attacks in the Fade. The first conversation you have with her she makes a very good point of "normal" people not hearing anything about mages until one does something bad so you gotta wonder without fantasy media what "normal" people hear

Also I think Dagna is gonna teach her not to be afraid of magic tbh

On Elves:

If you take the time to befriend Sera you learn that she grew up in a very toxic household in which a human adopted her likely as like a savior complex or something because the woman told young impressionable Sera that elves are below humans and likely several racist things and that Sera should be lucky she's with her instead etc. but you guys she literally made Sera hate herself and Sera doesn't know how to handle it. But remember she doesn't outright hate elves-- she wants to help several refugee elves and the elven servants in the winter palace etc. she does not discriminate on who she helps. She just doesn't like when people try to push ancient elvhen culture on her (Solas) because she does not feel like she can relate to it because of her upbringing and she also mentions people made her feel stupid for not knowing that kind of stuff. She's literally like it's too late for me go waste your energy on someone else. Her stuff with the Chantry is weird but like... this is not the first elf to be andrastian. Fenris and Zevran both reference the maker instead of the pantheon and you dont see them getting shit upon. But I do understand some of the stuff she says is uncomfortable and not acceptable, like I do not think her conversations post-temple of mythal with lavellan are acceptable but! She learns better and we can see this in trespasser.

When the whole Dalish Bullshit from the writers happened Sera literally tells the inquisitor that she's tired of wasting her energy worrying about other peoples' beliefs and lifestyles and she'd rather care about lavellan which leads to the SWEETEST bit of dialogue in the game

[my gifs, from here] I get so emotional over her and my inquis' friendship like. its unconventional, but she loves her friend so much... shes is not used to having long term friends or even a not toxic relationship (ie her and her adopted "mom") literally says when you want to be her friend that she is "not used to acceptance" so she doesn't know how to comfort people; instead she does pranks and jokes. This moment is really sweet and needed because it shows that Sera has learned to accept other peoples beliefs even if they made her feel small and takes them into consideration!! She REALLY wants to help if you read her journal in the dlc she writes all about how worried she is about the inquisitor and after the convo in the gifs if you say youre not fine she says shes going to find and plan ways to help she is SO WHOLESOME!!!!! The point is she is unlearning her internalized racism and TRYING and I wish people would see that

The biggest issue that I have with Sera is how other characters interact with her. The inquisitor doesn't even have the option of being nice to her many times; her romance is bad because you cant comfort her you can only blame her mental illness or make fun of it; she is the ONLY companion you can kick out at any time; many dialogue options are just telling her she's crazy; blackwall is the only companion that treats her like a person save maybe varric and cole (who she is scared of)

here are some bonus things about her that I love

she knows the importance of not letting power go to your head and making sure people take a second to relax and laugh

she literally makes me laugh out loud

her journal is so fun and cute

her pet names are so cute for romanced inquis/dagna

her banter is so different and funny especially her dialogue with blackwall

all the other companions are like here is a list of my achievements... i trained the blade for years.... and Sera is just like idk i just shoot the arrow

bees

she loves her friends and cares about people so much!!

i want to smooch

#ask #miss-shydeer #carly's hot takes #new tag maybe

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dragonbugsuperior · 4 years

Text

Something that I've been meaning to say about Miraculous's "Rich Girls".............

Before I even go into this, All you Lila, Chloe, and Kagami stans out there I suggest to skip this post, leave disgusting comments and I'll block and report you because I'm saying it now, that I will be saying some things about Lila, Chloe, and Kagami that aren't really pretty. If you like their characters "Yay!" good for you,

Nobody cares. grow up

So........something has been on my mind lately and I would like to get it off my chest because it's just been stuck in my head and I think it's good if I do make some clear points that clearly people are missing in regards to the show's "rich girls". So Marinette.....has been going through alot this past season and people are saying stupid things like "Oh wE NEeD a NEw LAdyBUg!"

Or "oH MArINeTtE iS teRRiBlE At dOiNg heR jOB!"

Let's dive right into this

I'll start with Chloe first. Chloe bullied Marinette. She has for 7 whole fucking years. Marinette has done nothing to Chloe literally. She hasn't bullied her, talked about her, criticized her, she has done nothing to that girl. But oh! Chloe is some rich snobbish brat that thinks everyone below her should be treated less of a human than she is. Where was her mom when Chlow started to go to school with Marinette? Also Chloe's mom not playing a big part of her life doesn't excuse her terrible behavior and awful treatment she has given marinette and students at her school. Just because her mom is a total snob and shallow person doesn't mean Chloe has to be exactly like her. It's okay for Chloe to express sadness and frustration but what's not okay if for Chloe to lash out all her negativity on Marinette as if Marinette has done something to her. Her parents have really failed her and she has failed herself. She's so full of herself that I'm starting to believe she's delusional. Clinging onto Adrien 24/7 at school like their some type of couple is already mouth-gagging. Like girl, he is not some toy that is all yours and that you can just cling yourself onto. I'm glad Marinette calls her out on her bullshit and handles Chloe's ass and she's not afraid to do so.

And that tacky ass makeup really defeats the purpose because it's makes her look worser than her personality. Tired of these blonde stuck up popular rich girls that think they can just overrule people.

Treating everybody around her like her peasants is clichè mean girl shit. I'm willing to go as far as to say she's a fucking narcissist. Having excessive interest and admiration for herself and treating everybody around her like shit as if she's 10 times more important than they are when in reality she's nothing but a spoiled brat that's jealous because she knows Marinette is better than her.

2nd to last....Lila

Literally 'lie' is in her name. She lies her mouth off and thinks she's fooling every fucking body. Marinette knows damn well she's lying and tells her up to her face in Chameleon. I'm sorry but her lies are ridiculous and the class is so undeniably stupid for believing her bullshit. Yea she's another "spoiled rich girl" her mom is present in her life but we know nothing about her dad. Don't know what happened to him and I don't care to know what happened to him. I know one thing though. Just like in Chloe's case, her dad being absent doesn't make it "okay" for her to be a two-faced person who can pathologically lie to people for personal gain. That's disgusting and weak of a person. She literally frames Marinette and corners her in the bathroom to a wall and pushed herself down the steps to look like she's actually injured. Her fans can try to shed all the light they want on her character but that's never gonna erase all the terrible shit she's done. And once again! Marinette has done nothing to Lila and somehow Marinette is Lila's main target. She lied about her friendship with Ladybug just to impress a boy. Her negativity she's trying to pass onto Marinette isn't working because Marinette is strong and optimistic. I can't believe she had fans, cough looks like a knock-off version of Dora cough. She's so stupid she really thinks Adrien wants to be with someone like her. A liar and manipulative bitch. lol

Kagami.......

"But Jen she's only been a character since season-

Yea I already know how long she's been in the show but that doesn't mean that I'm going to get her the benefit of the doubt. First time she met Marinette she treated her terribly as if Marinette did anything to her. Then again, people like to claim she's from a strict household so that gives her an excuse when it really doesn't. Secondly Kagami in general seems phony, Marinette is trying to be her friend and give up on Adrien just for her!!! and so she can grow as a person!!!!! Kagami chose Adrien over Marinette while Marinette gave up Adrien just so Kagami can have him. Seems like the only reason Kagami really wants to be friends with Marinette is because of Adrien. But let's not get into that.... In Animeastro she acted like she had a problem Marinette was talking to Adrien. I just don't get her at all. One minute she wants to be Marinette's friend (which I believe is completely fake) and then the next she's glaring daggers at her as if she did anything to her.

I don't even want to fucking hear "Oh but Jenny, Marinette didn't confes- SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. Marinette has tried time after time to confess she's always getting interrupted. Kagami thinks of Adrien like some prize to win all for herself after only knowing him for not too long. Give me a break then she's the one who got akumatized over a fucking picture instead of asking Adrien "hey, what's this?" She got salty and got akumatized. In Frozer, Adrien told her that he had feelings for someone else, she jumped to conclusions and thought it was fucking Marinette and suggested him to "switch targets" he told her he wouldn't and she still pushes him to literally kissing him and then getting mad because he rejected it. Girl! Did he not fucking say that he has feelings for another girl and he won't be switching targets. She's really that desperate that she's telling Adrien to get over that other girl, and she's so fucking desperate she tried to kiss him then got mad when he didn't kiss her back. Let's not forget she literally cut out the fencing class picture and left Adrien and herself out. Then she gave us a little "insight" on how she views Adrien in Oni-Chan. "Image of Perfection" she likes Adrien because he's perfect? That's funny. Because for 1, he's not nobody is and for 2 that's a stupid reason to like somebody. Let's not also forget when she literally lied in Miracle Queen about the villain attacking people in love. She knows Adrien likes somebody else so why is she trying so hard to push into being with her? Desperate much? "We're so alike" and Kagami really believes their soulmates? She should just shut the fuck up. She sounds stupid as fuck. How are you "soulmates" with someone you just met not too long ago. Bless her delusional soul. After he rejected her kiss and only knowing him for 2 seasons. Liiiiike......are you that desperate for a boy. I can't wait to see her reaction to when Adrien dates Marinette. Lmao

It's so funny how all these girls think Adrien's theirs when in reality Marinette is his true soulmate and is gonna end up with him in the end. Adrienette is literally endgame. There's no need for people like Chloe, Lila, and Kagami to get on the way of that. It's also funny how people like to claim Marinette as the possessive one when all these rich spoiled brats have gotten akumatized over him, cling onto him like he's some coat rack, and go out their way to make Marinette feel terrible. And marinette has given Adrien up. The only real clear reason I can see the 3 of them act bitchy towards marinette without a reason would be because they're jealous and don't have the best lives at home and wish to be like marinette.

If I'm not mistaken who's the one that got bullied for 7 years straight and tries her very best to be strong? Who's the one that literally got sexually harassed by Felix? Who's the one who has anxiety? Who's the one who has pressure and responsibilities hunched all over their shoulders? Who's the one that has go around every fucking day to save their city? Oh okay. Everybody always wants to talk about how tough they are without actually going through some real shit. Because I don't recall Lila, Chloe or Kagami going through any of these things while treating Marinette like shit. Kagami is the one that lied to Adrien, Kagami is the one that treated Marinette like crap, Kagami is the one that pushed Adrien after he said he had feelings for someone else /this b*tch didn't even wait/, Kagami is the one that is acting like Lila and Chloe. Let Marinette act like how Kagami did, I'm pretty sure she would've got bashed.

Once they go through all that bullshit then we can chit chat until then, they don't know what struggle is. Spoiled ass brats who clearly don't deserve Adrien because they're immature. They think Adrien's "theirs" they pushed themselves on him as if they can't live without him and they do sneaky shit in order to be with him. Lila and Kagami have clearly showed they would lie to get with him and Chloe does too. Marinette has the courage to let Adrien go, I'm pretty sure if the shoe was on the other foot Kagami would never let Adrien go.

And before people go around saying how it's their parents fault they act do toxically and immature (bc ppl like to give them excuses for their "mommy and daddy" issues) it's really not. Yes, it's partially their parents because they raised them but they also have a big role for their actions. No body is responsible for making Chloe, Lila, or Kagami a better person. No body. Stop putting the blame all on their parents because it's not just the parents I'm pretty sure Tomoe didn't teach Kagami to "lie" in order to get with a boy. Kagami chose to lie to Adrien in Miracle Queen with her own free will. Nobody said "lie to Adrien" Kagami lied that's her fault Nobody told Chloe to bully and belittle Marinette, Audrey is very shallow and brat-like but I don't recall her ever saying "Chloe bully Marinette" Nobody told Lila to constantly lie and manipulate people hell, her mom doesn't even know she's doing it! None of their parents are responsible for certain shit they do so stop pretending like their innocent kids that have horrible parents. I don't have time to analyze if Kagami is like Chloe and Lila or not because I know she is like them she acts just like them. Treats marinette like crap but acts different when Adrien's around. Simple. I tried to give her character a chance in Oni-Chan but after hearing how she views Adrien and how she acted in Miracle Queen I hated her even more than I did before.

Truth be told, Chloe, Lila, nor Kagami are nothing without Adrien. If we're really gonna go there. Their just some pointless characters that want to get in the way of things and can't stay in their places. Marinette made this show, she's the center of the plot, without her their is no Chloe, without her there is no Lila, without her there is no Kagami.

Call me absent-minded but I see alot of jealous hoes and I'm not with that shit at all. Sorry not sorry

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themysteriousauthor18 · 4 years

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So I saw this post, and I thought the idea was really cool. Truth be told I am a wee bit uncomfortable with seeing Alastor being sexual, but that's just because I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum. But that's just my personal opinion, but I do like the idea of regular Angel dropping into an AU were Alastor is a pimp.

I think it be cute and funny to see Angel’s reaction to this version of Alastor.

So being somewhat of a writer I couldn't help myself but try to write a one-shot of this. Hope you'll enjoy it. I don't really know anything else of how Angel got there or what the rest of the word is like in terms of the hotel or anything so, I'm just relying on my own head cannons for that and going off the artwork.

Artist of work above:

@staticapplesin

Normally waking up, for Angel Dust, would always involve something that was the cause of disturbing his sleep in the first place. In the past, it had been his regular johns that left or the pain they inflicted on the night prior. But recently it was either Vaggie yelling in the lobby or the princess of hell herself knocking on his door. And sometimes if he was unlucky, it would be Valentino calling.

Those were the wost.

But this morning, when Angel awoke, he heard something he thought he'd never hear.

Silence.

It had taken him a few moments to register that it was in fact quiet in his room. And he assumed that perhaps he'd woken up in the night again and that was the reasoning. But the small bit of hells light peaking through his blinds and into his room suggested otherwise. It was always a little brighter out when it was daylight out in Hell.

His room was still a little dark though because of the blinds. And as Angel sat up he couldn't help but notice another thing.

It smelled weird.

Not weird in the sense that the room was old, hadn't been tended two in who knows how long. Or even that mild odor that always lingered. That would always make Angel's nose scrunch up.

No, it smelled....sweet? Almost like strawberries.

Unable to lay there a minute longer Angel pushed himself up in his bed. Finding that it was more comfortable than usual. Something didn't feel right..something felt, off.

He pressed the ball of his palm to his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. Realizing his head did hurt just enough to call it a headache. Was he hungover? A fever dream maybe?

Angel pushed the thought aside, he was too tired for this shit. He needed food at the very least. And if the hotel was quiet? Well, it just meant he could ease this headache away until Vaggie woke up trying to chew his head off.

Pushing off the bed, Angel's feet stepped over anything that could be cluttering the floors per usual. Although nothing did. As he opened the door to his bedroom, allowing the hallway light to fill his room he briefly caught his pig sleeping in his bed in front of his own.

When had he'd bought nuggets that?

Another stray thought to be pushed aside.

With his head hurting too much and his eyes heavy with the aftermath of sleep, he failed to notice the decor and layout of the building he was in. Heading down the hall to the left, he did not come to stairs but just into a decently sized living room.

As he rubbed his eyes, taking in the room he realized this wasn't the hotel.

"Musta ended up at someone's house.." He reasoned himself with. But that didn't explain fat nuggets being in that room. Or the lack therefor of a random john.

He didn't care right now. At the very least he needed coffee. His feet managed to carry him over to the kitchen separated only by the counters. Something that actually looked better than it sounded.

Tired mismatched eyes looked around for the coffee machine. As they landed on the pink and white-colored machine there was a small sticky note attached to the front of it. He leaned in, his squinting at the note to read it.

'Hey, Angie I know you'll be a little tired after last night. Shit was wild! I gotta head out because some of us have boring jobs. But I prepped the coffee just press the button. See you later, have fun. Good luck ;) '

Angel knit his brows at the note. So he was at Cherri's house? That explained things a little better. But he didn't see how her job was boring. The headache was probably due to last night. Whatever had happened.

He looked over the six buttons on the top of the coffee machine. Finally, pressing the 'begin brewing' button, he sighed in relief.

As he leaned against the opposite counter of the coffee machine he crossed his arms. He glanced down at himself briefly, noting he was still in his usual suit. One of which was a little torn in some places. None of them looked to be claw marks though, rather...burn marks.

The spider settled for holding off any questions until he got his caffeine. He closed his eyes once again, ignoring the mild pounding of his head. So much so that he was practically deaf to the footsteps coming near him.

And with the beeping of the coffee machine Angel's eyes jolted open once again. But as his gaze wandered, in the corner of his eye something caught his attention. He turned his head in that direction and immediately stumbled back, falling into the floor.

Out of everything that could ever happen in his afterlife. Seeing the radio demon, standing in front of him in only his boxers was certainly not something he expected.

His face burned with the color red. Okay, this had to be a fever dream now. There was no way Alastor would even come close enough to allowing something like this.

Angel remained on the floor, staring at the redhead. The demon in question only remained leaning his arm on the wall as he looked at Angel as if he were the crazy one.

"I'm surprised to see you up," the demon paused. His eyes tracing up and down Angel's body for a moment. "And fully dressed at that."

His voice...what happened to his voice?! There was no radio filter on it at all. He just sounded, normal. But to Angel, it sounded weird.

A million thoughts raced through Angel's head as he continued to stare at the redhead. The deer demon rolled his eyes pushing off the wall, and as he approached his hand moved prompting Angel to immediately cover his face.

He waited for something, anything. To be punished for whatever he'd done yesterday because dammit he couldn't remember!

But none of that happened.

"Angel darling, what are you doing?" Came Alastor's confused voice. And with the lack of a radio filter, he could actually hear the confusion in it.

Slowly Angel opened an eye, still finding that confused smile. At least he was still smiling, otherwise, he may have lost his sanity entirely. "Come on now, you can’t stay there all day." A laugh escaped him although it hardly sounded like Alastor's laugh. "Unless you'd rather go again?"

Go again? What?

Angel took Alastor's hand, assuming that this was Alastor and Angel hadn't finally gone insane.

With ease, the redhead pulled Angel up. It seemed his physical strength was still there. He watched the redheads eyes scan his body again. When had he ever looked anywhere but his face?

"What are you wearing?" He heard the man ask. Angel wasn't looking at him. He couldn't. "This certainly isn't one of my works. Well, so long as you change once we head to work."

We?

‘My works’?

"I can't have my darling wearing something as hideous as that." Angel huffed, he actually liked his suit. It was one of the first things he'd gotten from Valentino once arriving in hell. Back when the man wasn't using him as a punching bag.

Angel finally chanced a glance at Alastor who was pouring the coffee. The longer Angel stared, the redder his face got. The colors going even as far as the pink on his chest.

He's shirtless. He's pants-less! He's almost fucking naked!

His thoughts ran wild, and when Alastor looked over his shoulder he couldn't help the blood suddenly leaking from his nose. (He has a nose it's just very very tiny and hidden.) He turned away, trying to cover it.

All the while the redhead looked at him, confused but amused all the same.

"You are acting very strange today. I don’t think I’ve seen you that red since our first meeting." He said as he added some milk into Angel's coffee before handing it to the spider.

Still holding his hand over his bleeding nose, Angel took the cup but refused to look anymore at Alastor. He heard the redhead humming in front of him.

"Sorry to leave the bed this morning but you usually take very long to wake up." A low chuckle. "Not that I blame you."

Angel choked on his coffee. His heart was racing in his chest and ears. This wasn't real right? And if it was, what the fuck happened.

"I have to say though--" he heard Alastor beside him suddenly and the soft clank of a coffee cup being placed down. Before he knew it a claw was guiding his chin over to the redheads gaze. The look in his eyes, was that..lust?

"--While waking up to you in clothes is certainly a surprise." He pulled the spiders face closer. "I like you better without them."

Without much of a warning, the deer's lips were pressed hard against his. Angel's eyes grew wide as the gears tried to process it. But when the demon's tongue slipped into his mouth the gears broke.

Angel was stiff against the kiss as Alastor pulled back leaving a red-faced spider. His eyes curiously searched Angel's as he wiped a strain of saliva from Angel's agape mouth.

"Strange, that little trick usually has you back in bed with me for at least another hour." Before Angel could question anything the redhead's hand pulled away, claw lingered there teasingly.

"Well, if you wish to head to work earlier today than that is fine. I do have a few things I need to get done at the studio. Unfortunately, the day after New Year doesn't grant us the day off."

Alastor called, as he walked off towards the room Angel had woken up in. As he nonchalantly disappeared into that room Angel just stared.

He stared as his head pounded in pain at trying to process everything that had just happened.

"What the fuck.."

I think I'm going to end it there. I honestly don't know what to think when writing pimp Alastor. Also with the morning scene I wasn’t implying that Angel is dating Alastor but rather (since Alastor is in Valentino’s place) that Alastor fools around with whoever he pleases. This includes Angel Dust. And safe to say it isn't the first time Alastor’s slept with Angel dust in that Au (Again just my personal head cannon.)

There were a few things I had to just guess on, since he's filling in the spot for Valentino I wasn't sure if he had his radio voice anymore. Or his shadows? I knew for a fact that he probably didn't care about walking around in his boxers but I wasn't sure if he had some humility of walking around just newd. Also, I wasn't sure my mild asexual heart could write that and not die with Angel.

Thanks for reading!

#radiodust #angel dust #alastor #au #pimp alastor #oneshots #fanfiction

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elmidol · 4 years

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PSA: Being Damaged Doesn’t Excuse Hurting Others

For the longest time I said nothing at all in regards to the harassment and stalking I received by an author I met in person. To my knowledge they have left the fandom, however maybe they just changed their penname. Seeing the post by @wayward-rose and the rest who were wronged by Mrs. Z and the reactions from others who have been uncomfortable with her behavior, it sort of made me reevaluate things. Not only the behavior of the author who wronged me, but my own actions subsequent to this. The excuse given by Mrs. Z in regards to multiple hate asks and such have led to her reactions… I get it but I do not condone it. For so long I did not name the author save to a few friends. Some know the author’s name solely because I have since admitted that it was the former co-author of the “This Isn’t In My Programming” fic that was discontinued. I’ve been asked even recently for the author’s name as well as what exactly happened.

This may be long-winded, I don’t know. I am not excusing negative behavior from my end on here that I will be disclosing. This is, in a way, something I should have spoken about much sooner. When certain readers at the time could tell there was an extreme difference in my attitude. Where I became very intolerant of some things. This is how I was not completely the victim, but at times the one in the wrong. And it is due to my experience that I can understand some of Mrs. Z’s bitterness but not her acceptance of it and the argument that she is in the right. This is not making it about me either. This is at last coming forward after having been asked to do so for close to two years.

The author, MeganD1, and I met in person a few times. We had connected over instagram, and after she learned we lived in neighboring states she had said it would be cool to meet. I agreed but was not quite ready. She persisted. Pushed. I agreed. Upon agreeing, she had posted on her fandom instagram that she was meeting me along with the location of where I lived. I told her I was NOT okay with that. She deleted, apologized, but also said she did not know why it was a big deal. I let that slide since she had deleted it. During that first meeting, we had a great time. I told her how one of my favorite Lucasfilm artists, Eric Maell, had reached out to me one time when I was going through a very rough period. It had meant the world. I told Megan of my dream to meet him one day at a convention. She hadn’t known the artists aside from one piece he had done. She had had no interest in him.

While together, we went shopping at a mall and talked. She did admit to contacting me to begin with because I had been one of the bigger author names for Kylo/Reader and Hux/Reader fics at the time. She also admitted to talking shit about me with another author. And I regret not listening to those warning bells. Megan and I discussed triggers and tropes in fanfics (which we did again on our second meeting). We had fun.

The second time she visited, I had invited her and she stayed a few days at my house. We again went shopping and also sat down at a restaurant to talk. I opened up about my sexual assault to her. It was the first time I had spoken about details to someone in person like that. I kept having to look away from her face. I felt ashamed. I was shaking a bit. Trying to not panic. I thought it was a relief, believed she was understanding.

We went to my house afterwards. On the way, Megan told me some plans she had for a fic of hers that she was writing and I was reading. I mentioned having triggers with those issues. So she elaborated on it, explained it differently. There was 0 way I'd have known that it was going to trigger me as it did. I'd NEVER been triggered like that. this was after she had gone back home. That’s what I’ll touch upon in a minute. We watched The Office together. Pitched the idea to co-write a story, and that is how This Isn’t In My Programming was born. Side note that during her visiting, I have endometriosis so have issues with that. I was doubled over the entire time but learned later it was due to having colitis; she did not help at all, so I essentially took out all her trash, took all her dishes, had to cook for her..which some of this is fine. I'm willing to do it. But being literally doubled over....it was a sore thing that I didn't address with her until later

Fast forward to her returning home, writing the chapter, and posting it. Okay so I was triggered by the scene, privately told her on chat in instagram that she needed to include a trigger warning because it was a pretty intense scene and also told her that I couldn't read the fic anymore. Which I didn't think was an issue since she had stopped reading mine for similar reasons or else because she just didn't like them. She reacted by posting an a/n on her fic stating how she never meant to offend anyone, how she should give up writing. She didn't mention my name but basically got a ton of the readers to shittalk me for being triggered. It was one of the most hurtful and fucked up things for me. To read those comments from people who read my fics, who chatted with me. Talking about me like that; and me wondering if they would still believe that if they knew all the details. So here is where some bitterness and resentment started in me. Why some of my notes became venomous and hard.

It was not okay for me to say certain things, to bash others. It was hypocritical. So this is where I understand Mrs. Z when she says that about the hate comments. But we’re adults and should take that step back. I regret many of the things I said. Which, again, I will get to in a bit.

Megan posted on her fandom ig and personal ig how she was going to delete her ig. Told me in chat how she was going to give up writing. Where I was begging her to not, telling her I did love her writing, I just couldn't read this specific fic. Mind you, during the panic attack I was in the bathroom on the floor with a towel shoved into my mouth and screaming and crying. Struggling to breathe. I had my phone with me and was chatting with Juulna between breaths when I could. She was trying to help me calm, to get me through it. I didn’t share that with Megan because I had not wanted her to feel so bad. I did not give her the details of my panic attack, but she still reacted so severely.

When she calmed down, I tried to get her to understand why that had hurt me. She couldn't understand so I said that we should end communications. She said she was open to discussing things if I felt differently. So I thought on it and wrote up an email explaining how she had hurt me and also my part in having let a few emotions fester such as not addressing her behavior when I was doubled over in pain. I am going to show the email. There is a name of another author that will be omitted. First I have to speak of another thing, how MeganD1 would tell me in chat how she wished she had endometriosis or something else to better understand others. I did not know at the time that she was asking Juulna for information on my health conditions and playing it off as someone else. This Juulna and I pieced together after the post-stalking fic got put on ao3 by putting together portions of conversation with keywords/phrases/situations. So this alone was a violation to me. Especially with how open I am about my conditions because I want to spread awareness. I’m mentioning this behavior since it is addressed in the email.

She countered by saying she could never put herself in my shoes for being triggered because she is an only child, doesn't have to "wait to buy things when they're on sale" (due to my medical conditions, I live with my parents and can't hold a job). Threw my family dynamics at me. Then started to go through how she was bullied since a young age. And it isn't like I didn't empathize. I thanked her for being honest with me. I’m going to show a small portion here that does not include her personal information or anything like that.

So a disclaimer that the only people I have directly told I cannot continue reading their fic are friends with whom I chat with off of ao3 and largely due to them asking me what I think of the latest chapter. Otherwise I wouldn’t say a thing. They, likewise, have done the same with me. I thought it was so we could respect boundaries/triggers and support one another with other fics we could read. Cheering them on with those we can’t. I have worked on this since everything happened. I’m not perfect. Back to the issue...

After this email and taking time to digest it, I restated my position that we were parting ways.

Not long later I went onto the Kylo/Reader page and a summary of a new fic caught my eye. That was my hometown. That was not a Star Wars planet being named. Those tags were all my triggers and some of them were things she had openly bashed to my face. I had another panic attack, this one where I called up Juulna to talk in with voice. She couldn’t even understand me.Nor could my mother, who had heard me from downstairs and came up to check on me. I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop feeling so violated and like the biggest fucking idiot for ever trusting her. I opened the fic because I was in doubt. But it was there. Details that others wouldn’t catch but that I did. She has since deleted the fic and even admitted that she did it to spite me. But this was the fic that changed so much. That made it to where I could not go onto the Kylo/Reader page for years.

This was the fic that prompted me to make a note on instagram a few times bashing people who romanticize rape and other triggering content. Where I stated if someone read those fics they were disgusting and I didn’t want them near me. So can I understand Mrs. Z being harsh? I fucking can, but it does not make it right just like my notes were not right and I deleted them. I reached out to a few people and apologized for them too.

This is the fic where when @kylosbrickhousebody mentioned I inspired them with Three Blind Tooke to write Mercurial...this is the fic that made me think it was a sick joke that they mentioned me. Why I thought it was malicious. I hadn’t known her, and I did apologize to her for my accusations. She understood where I was coming from when I told her why I thought that. Understood but equally held me accountable for my reaction. That I lashed out instead of coming to her. Because, at the end of the day, I AM accountable for MY actions. Even if we can empathize with them, it does NOT make them right.

I’ve been asked why I didn’t report the fic by MeganD1 to ao3. I was fucking terrified. I was scared to admit that this was me, that that was my home. I was scared they wouldn’t believe me. I was dealing with my sexual assault, dealing with the fact that I was in denial over it in part because I’d been told to “get over it”. Dealing with the colitis and an impending hysterectomy. My Grammy’s recently diagnosed breast cancer. I was so broken down with hurt and fear. I just watched the comments and kudos roll in for a fic that violated me to the core. I let the resentment build. And how was that fair to any of the individuals who would have avoided it if they had known what the fuck it was about?

While she was updating the fic, MeganD1 was also cyberstalking me on instagram, possibly tumblr as well. I privated my personal account from her. My fandom account I knew she was stalking with hers because she accidentally liked then unliked things. She had multiple accounts. Then she would view my story posts. I am guilty of checking on her fandom account once or twice, and she had made vague references to me in her captions. I deleted that fandom account. Made a new one. Followed my favorite Lucasfilm artist. Suddenly she was commenting on his posts. Talking about how much fun she had meeting him at a convention. My fucking dream that she stole with an artist she didn’t care about until I had mentioned him. I’ve never been able to go onto his page since. She found me though. Found that new account...so after months of not being stalked it started up. I deleted that fandom account. I stopped participating much at all.

The point is that throughout all of this, I was still and am still accountable for my own actions, for how I respond to others. I still get hate comments on fics. Do i want to lash out? Yeah. But I don’t. Sometimes I can take that step back and just ignore it. Other times I reach out to a friend for advice. Because no matter what, no matter just how bad things are, there are behaviors that are absolutely inexcusable. It doesn’t matter how hurt or broken we are. Saying something that hurts and possibly breaks someone else doesn’t fix anything. It creates more chaos. And I know that I hurt some readers I no longer interact with. Some who didn’t and don’t know any of this behind the scenes stuff. My hurt, however, does not justify hurting them.

So with the bravery of @wayward-rose and @callmehopeless and so many others, and with those who reached out and asked to hear what happened to me... I’m answering what happened to the best of my ability. While also, I hope, showing that those who empathize with Mrs. Z, it’s not bad to work to understand her hurt at times when she receives shit in her inbox. But that cannot and should not ever justify her hurting others. Especially when she then sits back and is PROUD of doing that.

#just thoughts #this is the story #fandom discourse

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masc-reader-insertss · 5 years

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Totally not gay- Xavier Plympton

Gif credit; Violadvs (I won’t tag them on here because this is a smut and I do t want to make anyone uncomfortable)

So, I flaked on my no nsfw rule, ahs is the only fandom I will write nsfw for right now (apart from two spn ones I got coming up) but god I just saw Xavier and I was like,, I have to make this. I can't decide if I wanna fuck him or I want him to fuck me I just,, watch my cry when he inevitably gets killed off.

Description; Xavier totally isn't gay, so what, he'd had to pretend for the camera, that didn't mean he actually like guys, right? That's what he tells himself at least, until he and Y/N are left alone in the showers.

Smut; shower blowjobs/hand jobs, denial, making out

—

Just to be clear, Xavier wasn't gay, like, not even a little bit. Those 'acting' gigs had been nothing more than that, he was only pretending to be into that, at least, that's what he'd tried to tell himself. Really he had no idea how he had ended up in this situation, but he wasn't complaining, far from it actually. But this didn't mean anything, right? This was just like all those other times he'd acted for the camera, except this time there was no camera, and he was really enjoying this.

It had all started once they had sent the kids to bed. All the rest of the guy counsellors had hit the showers like any ordinary night, except this time it felt different. Y/N had always been cocky, he couldn't help it, so when he'd turned around to see his fellow totally not gay counsellor Xavier staring at him while he showered he couldn't keep himself from saying, "take a picture, lasts longer. Better wank material too", a large grin on his face.

The whole room erupted in laughter, and Xavier scoffed, his cheeks a dark red as he looked away from Y/N. "I wasn't staring at you, I'm not gay. I like chicks" he muttered, huffing for a moment before Y/N leant over to speak to him again. "Me too, but that's never stopped me" and of course he was blushing again, nearly choking on his own spit. "Thats still gay, and I told you, I'm /not/ gay" Xavier rolled his eyes and turned his back to Y/N, and it was then he realised that while he was busy denying that he had any interest in guys all the other counsellors had gone, leaving only him and Y/N.

"Great.." he muttered, rinsing the last of the shampoo from his hair before he reached for the shower handle, nearly jumping out of his skin when Y/N grabbed his wrist. "Dude, what the fuck?!" He hissed, trying to tug back his wrist, but to no avail. Y/N only smirked, looking up at the other counsellor. "So you're telling me, you wouldn't get turned on if I did.. this?" He asked before taking a step forward, reaching up to cup Xavier's jaw with his free hand before he leant in, pressing his lips against his collarbone. Quickly, he trailed his lips up, leaving soft bites and kissed along the way. "You wouldn't even get a little hard, if I started to do that..?" He continued, pulling back to look up at Xavier.

Y/N knew he was good, but he didn't think he was good enough to have someone as worked up as Xavier was so quickly. "Look, just because that was kind of hot and I am sort of hard, doesn't mean that I'm in to guys.." he breathed, letting his eyes close for a moment, which turned out to be a big mistake because as soon as he did Y/N took that opportunity and got on his knees in front of Xavier, releasing his grip on his wrist to wrap his hands around his dick, because holy shit it was big enough for Y/N to be able to wrap both of his hands around and still have just enough to wrap his lips around, which is exactly what he did.

And that was what had led up to this moment right here, with Xavier letting out an embarrassingly loud moan and opening his eyes to look down at Y/N. Okay, so maybe he did like guys, just a little bit, but he wasn't gay, and he made sure Y/N knew that. "Just because- shit, just because I'm into this, doesn't mean I'm- doesn't mean, fuck.." well, he tried to tell him, at least, but when Y/N's lips wrapped around the head of his dick so perfectly it was hard to focus, and doing anything more than breathing became impossible when his tongue ran over his slit.

"You were saying..?" Y/N pulled back for a moment to look up at Xavier, revelling in the sight of his flushed cheeks and wide eyes. He was really a sight to behold when he was this turned on. His break didn't last long, and Y/N soon moved back to his task of proving to Xavier that he was in fact partly gay weather he liked it or not, one of his hands moving to hold at his hip so he had more space to work with. Y/N had done this countless times before, he knew just how to drive a guy crazy, and that's exactly what he did, because when he ran his tongue along the vein on the under side of his cock Xavier was sure he'd died and gone to heaven, because fuck, no one had ever made him feel like that before. The worry that someone might walk in on them did flash through his mind for a second, but that thought, along with every single other completely disappeared from his brain as Y/N hollowed out his cheeks and began to bob his head, and fuck, maybe he was just a little bit gay because this had to be the best blow job he'd ever gotten.

Y/N knew what he was doing and it was obvious. He knew the affect he was having on Xavier, and he loved it. When he pulled his other hand away and looked up to meet eyes with Xavier he was surprised the other hadn't blown his load right then and there with the look that flashed across his face as he hit the back of his throat, Y/N didn't think he'd ever seen someone that desperate. The sight was enough to make him reach a hand down to his own cock, bucking into his fists a few times to give just some relief as he continued to go to town on his friends cock. Xavier was close, he could feel it in the way he reached down to grab his hair, and when Y/N swallowed around him he finally lost it, arching his head back and shoving his hips forward, he'd never heard anything hotter than the sound of Y/N choking on his dick as he held him there and came down his throat.

All too soon the wet heat around him disappeared, and Xavier closed his eyes for a moment to catch his breath, though his eyes quickly snapped open again when he heard Y/N's moans, looking over at the other, and if he hadn't just came he totally would have gotten hard at the sight. Y/N leant against the wall, his Y/H/C fringe hanging in his face as he fucked into his fist, and yeah he was definitely a little gay. Quickly he moved forward, shoving his lips against Y/N's and letting out a moan when he could taste himself on the others lips. "Thought you weren't gay? Kissing a guy is pretty gay.." Y/N teased, choking on a moan when his hand was shoved away and replaced with a bigger, softer one. "You literally just had my dick in your mouth, that's way more gay.." Xavier pressed their lips together again before Y/N could say anything else, swallowing down his moans as he jacked him off. The kiss was messy, teeth clashed and tongues prodded, but it was better than any other kiss either of them had experienced.

Xavier's attack on his lips soon moved to his neck, and Y/N soon found himself tangling a hand in the others hair, moaning out and tugging at the bleached strands to try and cope with the building pleasure. He was close, it wouldn't take much more for him to tip over the edge, and that small nudge came in the form of Xavier reaching a hand back to squeeze his ass for a moment as he bit down on the one spot on his neck that made his knees weak. Y/N came with a shout, blowing his load all over Xavier's toned stomach, some of it even landing on himself. Thank god they were in the shower, or this would be one hell of a mess to clean up.

"So, still think you're not gay, even a little bit?" Y/N teased as they both washed themselves off, arms wrapped around Xavier's neck. "Okay, maybe just a little bit" Xavier grinned back, pressing a quick kiss to Y/N's lips before reaching to turn off the shower again. They'd both been so busy making out for the next five minuets that neither of them had heard the unmistakable sound of keys jingling in the distance, soon pulling away to get dressed again.

"So.. all I have to do to get you off is squeeze your ass, huh?" Xavier teased as they walked back the cabin, Y/N rolling his eyes and throwing his wet towel at him. "Shut up.. it was hot" he shrugged, taking Xavier's hand in his own. Maybe this summer wasn't going to be so boring after all. When they'd finally made it back to their cabin, each of them climbed into their top bunks, turning to face each other. Both boys were so high on their post orgasm bliss, they had absolutely no idea what was in store for them that night.

#ahs xavier #xavier plympton #xavier plympton x reader #cody fern #cody fern x reader #cody fern x male reader #ahs male reader #x male reader #mlm reader insert #xavier plympton x male reader

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Ava & James

Ava: [some cute non-scary halloween decor when she's out in town] Ava: these could work for Mattie's party? [whatever shop they are in] Ava: wouldn't make any of the guests 💩 themselves, beyond what is standard James: you don't have to worry about decorating Ava: just if you needed extra stuff 😊 Ava: you managed to book someone? James: not yet but I wasn't dissuaded by the busy tone when I had to search for your lost bracelet if you recall Ava: you're very dedicated Ava: and resourceful Ava: I just happen to be both myself too James: I have happened to notice that about you James: alongside many other desirable traits Ava: how many are we talking? 😄 James: countless, of course James: you know numbers aren't my forte Ava: words are prettier Ava: especially yours Ava: asking for help isn't either, is all I'm trying to say Ava: I wouldn't go so far as to call it undesirable but worrisome, sometimes James: there isn't anything for you to worry about, that's all I'm saying James: I'll have all the help I could possibly want, or pay for, as soon as I manage to procure it Ava: Okay Ava: but you can't tell me not to worry about you, or I'll have to refuse and I don't like to refuse you James: I wouldn't dream of telling you what you can or can't do James: I may hold the pen but the way it moves across the page is entirely down to you Ava: then I'd like to help you Ava: even if you just give me the list of party planners and I try to call them instead of you adding that to your never-ending to-do list James: Ava Ava: It's not a problem Ava: I'm doing less than nothing right now James: refusing you isn't on my to-do list or something I take any pleasure in whatsoever myself but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a problem James: right now you may have less than nothing scheduled but it could become a big ask if you're the point of contact for one of these over the top party planners James: I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy Ava: So what you're saying is, a job half done is no help at all, I see that Ava: over the top party planner could describe half the people I know, I can handle that James: it isn't a question of if you can, but rather why you should have to Ava: I don't have to, obviously Ava: the question should be why wouldn't I want to make your life even a fraction easier James: how often you already do isn't remotely in question either though Ava: I'm not keeping score, I can assure you Ava: it's no hardship for me, like I said Ava: it's worse to see you struggle, definitely James: the only assurance I have in such a case being that I would lose, unless we were playing scrabble potentially James: it simply isn't fair of me to ask you & so, I will not Ava: Okay, then I'll ask you if you'll be mad at me if I help you regardless James: I don't think I'm even hypothetically capable of being mad at you for an act of kindness Ava: I'm not going to step on your toes unnecessarily, at least I hope I'm not that type Ava: but if say no more about it works for both of us, then I can work with that James: I hope I haven't given you the impression that's what I think Ava: not at all Ava: but I live in equal hope that you don't think I'm that extra I'd takeover a baby's birthday for my own decorating whims James: It's just that it's the first time that I've had to take over doing anything like this James: I hoped, should I dare to, that I'd be better at it Ava: There's a reason you can hire people to do it for you, and I'm sure Chloe had plenty of help, even if her vision had to be followed to the letter Ava: it's a lot of work for one person, never mind the day to day stuff that doesn't just disappear in the meantime James: you're right, which for the record, is the type you are Ava: I'll take right for you any day James: well, I'll give you that any day, without any hint of a struggle Ava: sounds good to me 😋 Ava: what were you doing, before I so rudely waylaid you? James: discussing figures which my father refuses to admit he cannot make sense of, therefore you're immediately forgiven Ava: can't admit numbers aren't his speciality either Ava: I won't even pretend I'm going to just leave you to it then, as that sounds equal parts dull and frustrating James: I'm aware that now isn't the time to comment on his stubbornness since my own won't let you help me, but yes Ava: I'm not about to compare you to your father, especially when I find it equally as hard and baffling a concept to be mad at you when you're just being you James: it isn't a comparison that would stand for very long, hard & baffling as he finds that to accept Ava: there's a lot of problems with the heir and a spare method, they don't tell you that James: or indeed what to do when your first born & favourite child is female in spite of your old fashioned ideals James: now there's a fitting comparison you'll undeniably make upon seeing them in a room together, as everyone does Ava: Who's your mum's favourite? Ava: and I look forward to judging a family that isn't my own for once James: Teddy, of course Ava: I could have guessed that James: I'm surprised you didn't Ava: I'll tell him he has mummy's boy energy to his face, no need to waste a perfectly good burn James: he does & you should Ava: 😏 that I can add to my to-do list no problem Ava: you're my favourite, you know James: see if you can also get him to come to the party for a while, assuming there is one James: you'll still be my favourite even if you can't Ava: Of course he'll come Ava: he's her uncle, and where else does he have to be James: as far as he's concerned anywhere else is preferable because he's her uncle James: & a teenager Ava: I'll talk him 'round Ava: he's 17, not 12 Ava: older than you were when you had Jay, he can manage James: he's managed not to babysit her once since she was born, but I have faith in you, darling Ava: I wish I was totally surprised Ava: he might be more receptive now Ava: you know, without Chloe also around James: if she decides to make an appearance he won't be the only one less than thrilled to see her Ava: Do you think she will? James: I think it's unlikely but that doesn't make it a definite no however much I would like it to be James: there's a part of me expecting to see her around every corner at any given moment of the day James: & it's not just any day so Ava: Yeah Ava: it seems hard to believe she'd miss her daughter's first birthday but then a lot of her actions and reasonings are so Ava: if she comes, you'll be fine, she's been at every other event, in lots of ways it's less unknown than if she doesn't James: fine might be an overstatement of how I'll be but that can stay between us Ava: It can Ava: even if it ends up that I can't be there Ava: I'll still only be a call away James: I refuse to write an ending like that Ava: I want to be there, but I doubt she'll accept that if she does make an appearance James: the threat of her appearance doesn't dictate the guestlist, gone are the days when she controls what I or the girls do James: we all want you to be there Ava: You're right Ava: not purely agreeing for my own benefit Ava: but it isn't the time to start reverting back to old ways, no need to give a mile to her inch Ava: and it's all hypothetical as yet, and the need for a party planner isn't so I'll focus James: there are plenty of family members I would hypothetically uninvite regardless of whether or not she chooses to RSVP, purely for my own benefit James: maybe when it's my birthday Ava: you can be as exclusive as you like then Ava: and you can't even be hypothetically mad when I organize it all for you James: I promise to be genuinely grateful Ava: you don't need to be, it's your birthday Ava: you deserve to be thoroughly spoilt James: we should go away somewhere, to recover from the lingering stress of Christmas and the new year at the very least Ava: and all the awful gotta be on the slopes at Christmas crowd will be gone by then too Ava: can we? 😃 James: yes Ava: I love you James: I love you too Ava: [do you wanna post this bit and then I can find some socials or something to show she's organizing shit 'cos obviously we're not gonna get a party planner now] James: [that's a good idea boo]

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neuropathicgypsy · 5 years

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A post shared by Alex Laughlin (@alexlaughlin40) on Feb 3, 2019 at 5:13pm PST

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I was complaining about his pictures.. I didn't like them... Not that he's not beautiful.. I just didnt like h pictures...

People say alot about "me not being there"

But his pictures... He's not there..

I've told him before...

This I watched a thousand times when he first posted it... I didn't know why or why i heard him say id taught him that on date night on accident or that it had hit me in the head..

It felt like only two of us had been there... But with the sound it made it feel like a bunch... Which made me think may Be it was a busy night or maybe we went with a group

By the time he had posted it, i had known he was in my life... But only for a short time...

So I didn't know what he meant. I thought I should message and ask him...

But I didn't. I wanted to tell myself to try.

But i didn't. I just wanted to keep watching.

At first, my reaction was the same as tonight, what a dork. Like REALLY. What a complete dork. No one think he's any thing but annoying and total dork 2 year old too hyper annoying child.

Then i watch it again. And again. And again.

And i see him. When he walks off camera. That's where he is.

It would have made sense to write him since he only appeared off camera.

But i had only seen him once.

What if he was damaged like me? I already knew i was too damaged for myself...

And so I would mess him up.... Because I always do.. I can't hold a relationship. Like never.

I get too impatient. Too angry. Too Me.

I decided to just be glad i saw him. Maybe it didn't make any difference to him and probably I'd forget in all reality. So then in the end it wouldn't make a difference if I saw him...

Now would it?

And so if I wrote him and I was too damaged then i would ruin it all. I always did. Always too much pressure on someone. Me or them.

I wasn't ready.

And I tell you. It's true. The one day I decided to try. He blocked me.

He really did. I just use another account cause fuck that shit, you're not gonna stand in my way Alex Laughlin with that giant phone in your pocket. Unblock me when you're ready. I'll just stalk you not so silently on social media.

Now we'll see about that date night we had...

Michael Jackson asked us to check on the people we sent home. He said he wanted to join the CIA and they checked and watched but he wanted to see if it were all true. Since we knew who we sent home, we should go. So we all four went.

Saint Luches and Jesse Tony went dressed like homeless beggars to see if they'd catch up with a kidnapper or protector.

And we went on a date night to a local putt-putt mini golf.

Alex was freaking out because it was an hour and a half and we hadn't seen them walk by yet. So he had us in the corner nearest where they were supposed to walk up at. He sat on a bench "not even a page" he checked his beeper.

We both knew they were in danger and they were gonna get jacked up. We knew. The plan was they were to get kidnapped. Find the kidnappers hide outs and make sure our girl's were at home, had beem delivered by the CIA. Alex didn't want to be kidnapped. He couldn't handle that. So he went with me. We never went out on date night.

"Give me your ball. You're not ruining date night"

"What? Excuse me? Our friends could be dead and you're worried about you, yourself?"

"Neither one are dead. I would know" i stacked two balls and he threw his hands up in the air. God he could be so annoying in public. I never knew. He is sitting there looking so sexy and doesn't even know. Maybe i should tell him! Strike One. Right. Then I'll get in trouble. Besides didn't I already show him with a blow job in the car? But no all he had to do was worry. That was all. Did he compliant my dress? Strike Two. Yes he did. Of course he did. He Always did. But could he tell the difference between one dress and another?

"Can you tell three difference between me and a suit? The different ones I wear?"

I looked up at him. Yeah. Of course I could. This one was blue with jeans in case he had to run. Tomorrow was black which I preferred with black jeans, again. I looked down at the ground but i was still watching him and the street from the corner of my eye. No one was coming. Not good.

He threw his hands up "not again! Not--!" He stood and pulled at his leg "these ones are blue!"

"I know that honey! I just meant--"

"Why are you whiney?"

"Just stuff."

I felt him lean backwards on me, back to back, slide down and end face up between my legs.

"Get on. Hurry before someone sees" I looked down between my legs at him. His bright blue jeans were undone

"But you're not out yet and you don't like me being on top!"

"Look again"

"Oh you're out already?! But some one could see!"

"You better hide it" i looked down the street. "They're not coming you're right they've been kidnapped. Saint Luches was already. Jesse is still waiting. Mark told me and he told me I better take care of you. Come on! Its getting cold! You're gonna freeze my thing off of me!"

"But Mark shouldn't I lay down?"

"Lets do the proper thing and lay your coat down under her. These guys in this van behind her have been watching her and you." Said Mark

"Lead the way babe! This New Orleans thing aint bad at all when you're with someone who knows how to have fun!"

"I can't ... I can't get it up ... I can't do it when some kidnappers are sitting here watching me! Now they know my face!!"

"Well they can get to know my pussy." He was looking up and i could hear a car "what? Its Jesse isn't it? What was he pointing down at?"

"Time? What? Idk!!"

"He said meet me here. He knows what to do this time and he is gonna attack the kidnappers and take the van. Quick baby get up. Someone is coming. Baby! Look at me"

"Im watching Jesse"

"I can't see. Babe. I feel the ground vibrations. You gotta get up. Babe. Honey please. Babe he's coming to you" he had no idea a kidnapper from the van was coming and the on side he had me pinned down in. I could see his shadow. I didn't know if he was using chloroform and how fast he was. He thought i was talking about Jesse in the van. No. I was talking about the people at our feet!! Not our heads.

"Why don't you trust me i can see just fine!" He looked down at me and kissed my lips and saw the shadow i saw. He looked up. There was 7 kidnappers surrounding us. He still hadn't entered me and had his Dick in his hand. But he was over me so they couldn't see. He looked me in the eyes. Slide your knee up. So I did. Carefully and zip. Then he was up in a milisecond, climbing off me, grabbing the club and swinging. What do i do? "Tuck and Roll!!"

I did away from them, the same direction he had went "Go!! Don't run!!"

He meant hide. He was fighting for the club it seemed.. One was watching and 2 were down and 2 were fighting him and one was nearby to jump in.

"You can't catch me!!!!" I ran toward him. Zig

"NO! I GOT IT! JUST NOOOO!"

Zag! "Hey!! You wanna piece of me?!?! I got a pretty pussy!!" I smiled and pulled at the hem of my skirt and twisted my hips back and forth.

"Noooo!!!"

The guy fighting him for the club.. He was sickest. I saw it in his eyes. He didn't know what a human was anymore. It was so long since he had been one. Surrounded by evil so long that's all he knew and has become.

Dam if he hadn't distracted me just enough... First i felt a light touch on my ankle, "me" "no, that's enough she can only have me dammit" my arm was grabbed roughly. I felt i was in a horror film and i was the one to die. The man sized thing had a death grip on me and blacked out teeth and a look on his eyes that passed psycho. I was scared. I checked Laughlin. He was just watching keeping cool twirling the golf club like a baton. I could hear Luches saying I said help me and Laughlin saying I said run.

"Let GO!" I yanked my arm. I spun around, bent my knees. There was 4. Shit, all eyes on me! Its time! Go! I ran toward the one i expected to grab me But didn't. Past him fast, jog past Laughlin in heels. I know he liked it. I was in heels. Extra special sauce. Slow jog so he could enjoy. Larger outer rim and super fast towards the kick. I slammed myself into the chain link fence. Ducked down a bit and tight squeeze -- heels to the side. Stand in the middle. I completed a full circle. Dodged behind the storage shed. I only had 6 inches. My ass bent the fence so i could sit a bit, taking pressure off my knees because I put my feet in toe facing toe. I was too desperate to think that step. Man I was scared

"Stay in the middle. He will come and get you. Man look at my baby I'm so proud" I heard my real mom. The one that gave birth to me.

"Mom! I'm scared! There's too many! Is he gonna be alright?"

"Mark will help he will be fine."

"Okay I'll just wait then" I looked down at my nails and picked at the cuticles.

"Don't look up"

I did anyway. It was grotesque. I flinched.

"Don't you want me?" He asked leaning his head in as far as he could between the fence and shed.

"Don't look up"

I did anyway. At least he looked somewhat human. He was probably the Boss. He was the one i expected to grab me. Instead he just stands around while everyone else does the work.

"They're too high to know what they're doing. They'll be alright"

"Mom my heart!"

"Every thing is alright you just need to caaalllm through it" I felt relief

I just need to look at the normal one. That will be okay..

"Are you kidnapped?"

I heard the chain link behind me I looked and he was trying to move in behind the shed. I whimpered.

"Yeah. You are young, too, I expect. I think i know your boyfriend. He work in New York City?"

I gasped "you are kidnapped! What are you doing?!!"

"They made me do it. Said if i didn't they would kill my whole family. So i pretend to be the lookout hoping someone will catch me, them, they pay me good too. Your other friend is in the van"

Alex appeared

"No!!!" I gasped and put my hand in my face as he knocked out the innocent kid "just go get the other--"

"What am I doing?"

"Kill that thing over there"

"What baby? Let's get you out of there" he leaned over to assist

"Oh my God! Watch out!" I saw the shadow loom near him

"Huh? I already hit this one! Just go the other way babe! It'll be alright"

"Oh my God. I hope so!"

"It will just do what you need to" i heard my mom's voice. "He's over here"

"I know" I was so scared to look around the corner and see the eyes of herion on the face of a psycho but I had to, I know Alex was just holding him off. Pretending to fight. I could tell.

"Now run!" My mom said

"Okay!" I was whining "to the van! I know! Right in front of me!" I felt confident. I got past the fence into the lot "oh no! There's two!"

"Just get in! That is what i was trying to tell you!" Mom said

"Okay... I... I... Okay come on door open for me!" It did it smelled like oily car parts "saint Lcuha?"

"No"

Okay get in. What? Did he say no? I could smell his cologne. I was in such a panic. My heart was failing me so bad

"Why are you putting your seat belt on for? He wants thou to drive and Don't duck"

Who? Saint Luches? I looked up and saw Alex.

"I'm hoping that other one is empty. I took the keys. Idk why. Now let's find Jesse"

It took 3 weeks to clean up New Orleans. The CIA there went bad. They said they would let people return home but if any one was on the street they were free game. The mini golf was abandoned. Gate ripped off. Cars in the parking lot but no one was there. We got the club and balls our self.

I had to go to the emergency room 4 times because of chronic heart failure.

One time All i could do was bend over and put pressure on my heart but it was too bad. Alex held my hand as he drove. He drove to the hospital, covered in kidnapper blood. Saint Luches had to carry me in. I was already gone.

They said it was heart attacks. Nurses said it was miracles. 3 heart attacks within 10 days. Massive heart failure. Dead for 9 hours one time. About t pronounce me dead but had to wait on a lawyer from NYC. A miracle they said. But I felt like shit.

Only 6 of us against 294 kidnappers, 2/3 were CIA/FBI

No one went to school or work. Only fully loaded adult vans went to stores and not many shelves had food.

The Evil was great in that town. Just East of New Orleans.

Only 294 took down thousands.

Only 6 if us it took to save them all.

We did the same thing every time. 2 homeless/hungry street walkers, sometimes prostituting.

Or 3 if I couldn't go because I was too sick, around my kryptonite heroin and kidnappers.

2 Michael Jackson and T at movie theaters, gas stations, wherever normal went. Sometimes I went with them. Sat in the back seat. Lincoln Continental. Tinted windows. Back seat window slant for privacy. They would lock the doors. I would unlock T's he would use the key or she would open. Sometimes I did both. That's when we knew I was feeling better. I had to unlock 2 doors all day at least 4 days without missing a stop without a reason. Or I had to stay in the car. I got paid. Really sick days I laid down and slept. She would go in through his side door or stay in and sit with me.

9 times I unlocked the door for a kidnapper. I was usually reading a novella. Id see a shadow, think it was her or sometimes Michael. Just unlock it auto matic ally.

The first time I ran screaming from the car when a zombie got in. And collapsed 20 feet away. I felt dumb. I tried to keep my eyes open. To see whose feet i could hear but i was dead.

T telling Michael "2 days after her 3rd massive heart attack and what's she out doing? Exercising. What the doctor say to do? Not that! You not dead yet? We're taking you to the hospital anyway. This will be no fun. Im not taking the fall for that. What was she doing anyway? Unlocking the door for that that thing. I don't blame her I would taken off running screaming too if that thing came near me. What she call them? zombie? Dam things are scary looking. And she opened the door for the scariest. Bet he could smell her sweet pussy like that other one did that scared her so bad. Said he reminded her of her dad that day when she called the police on him but worse. She said she only told me that cause she said I'm a girl and pretty and her mom was giving her a pretty hard time About it and she wondered she should be scared or not, it was pretty dam bad Michael. She had this look in her eyes that i never seen before. She's asleep now. Wuss. Wuss. But it was bad Michael im telling you. That look in her eyes. Shes never had it, it was terror. Complete terror. Wuss. Wake up wuss. She told me to call her that. Might make her angry i don't care about her feelings. Make her wanna fight me. Im her cousin. I could do that. Wuss. Wuss. She's too weak. She can't. She wants to though. She's awake, i told your secret you wanna fight me? She said no. Don't tell them other two boys tho. I already told Jess. She said i could because he's independent like her but the other two seem to rely on her and she don't want them to know. She said Jesse would know what to do and protect them for her. But if they knew how scared she was They would go berserk. But she said they would start fighting how to take care of her. She said it was good you were here tho. You could take leadership over her and they would let you. They want her safe and out of the way the most part thats what she said. Wuss. Get back in your body. I ain't putting up with that shit, she said at the hospital. Theres something happening up a head. She can't see laying down. Van! Kidnappers! She said that is the one the boys are in. She said to follow. Who is in? Oh Jesse and Alex. Saint Luches always goes alone. But Alex won't. Oh he will now? She said he knew something was wrong so he jumped in too. They're trying to figure out what. Or what to do, what is. Oh they don't know what is wrong with her. Get back in Yoir body and sit up. She said no. She's too weak just tell the boys to shove her against the window. You know they won't. They will have a dam heart attack. Sit up! You see this. She's waving her arm at and it goes up 6 inches then thump. She can't do shit. Wuss. She's just a wuss. I'm just unlocking the door for them So they can get in faster. She had a heart attack. She said collapsed she's trying but she has no rhythm. Just rub her hands and legs and feet that's what the doctor said to do. No she's been shaking her head although slightly and nodding. Nodding is clearer but she's only moving near millimeters. Aren't ya? Look! She smiled! She's lethargic. No don't try to move! Just lay there let them help your blood flow to your heart and brain"

Jesse had got in at my head. Alex at my feet. They just slid under my body. When we got Saint Luches, Jesse slid to the middle and bent me up in his lap then laid me down gently into Saint Luches lap.

Of all the people in the car, Saint Luches put his seat belt on.

Boy been thrown in the back of vans with no seats much less belts for weeks!!. Dam boy. I laughed and it killed me..at least I died laughing, i thought. Instead of of terror.

I had to stay over night. Total 9 days in the hospital. For 3 massive coronary and medium to severe heart attack, that wasnt too bad.

Im glad they diagnosed me. My mother said it was a panic attack. I told her I was sure glad she wasn't a nurse! She laughed.

She didn't die laughing, though, she was already dead.

She was right though... She wanted to become a nurse because of my heart condition. It's actually backwards when I was born. Its turned 3/4 of the way backwards now...

Apparently there's extra long tubes so it could turn all the way.

Love is the only cure. My work here isn't done.

Balls to the walls, kids.

So after that... Well the night i got out of the hospital.. My blood pressure dropped from stress, from remembering the last time i had been in the car, so T had to climb over the seat and help the blood flow to my limbs

So after that Alex decided I couldn't ride alone.

So then when i saw a shadow go to the window 2 days after my 4th trip to the hospital after 4 insane heart attacks, and everyone left me in the car alone because there was 7 vans I just unlocked the door

I wasn't really reading. I was trying but really i wss just looking at the book, listening. So when the kidnapper got in, I leaned all the way back in the seat so my head was far as possible. It exposed my chest so if he wanted to perv on my boobs there was nothing I can do. But it was better than being attacked in my spine or head. So i tried to hold the hardcover book to protect me.

I opened my car door to signal a problem.

"Don't move. Stay in the car"

I shut the door. "What is this? I think the seat belt went out" open the door. Slam. "No shit. I really did it this time" open door Slam. "Now the buckle.." Open door Slam. I saw Alex perk on the 3rd. "Now just one more..." Open door. Slam. I heard him. "I'm coming Baby" "got it. Finally" "uhhh sir? I didn't see you in here before. Did you get in the wrong car? Because I don't know yo--"

I realized if he didn't turn around then may be it was better. If I didn't see his face, I had a feeling I wanted to But I didn't know if it was curiosity or instinct. He had a hood up so when he turned his head it wasn't enough.

"Hey... Uhm.. Did you want to get something to eat? One of my friends has lots of money. Did you see her? You're in her seat. You might want to scoot over towards the middle" Alex had came and he had cracked his door open to hear. I knew we needed to find out our situation. And Alex was there. I wouldn't get So scared. If I saw a shadow behind I would just scream and point. This guy wasn't turning around for nothing. He wouldn't see me point out his friends. Of course the shadows were going the wrong direction. But if i could see i could scream, that would make my point clear. I opened up my book to steady my heart. It wzs begining to race and I had to steady it in the beginning. Just think about Alex getting in the car being safe i said to myself.

"Yeah buddy. You may just want to scoot over. Hey did you want to drive or anything? You can the car is already on." Alex climbed in the car. Shut and locked the door and began to mess with his seatbelt

"Where is the girl with the money?"

"Oh they're not coming" Alex looked at me like why did you say that for?

Idk sounded good to me. They were criminals. All criminals wanted money. I was pretty sure he wasn't going anywhere.

"But i took the money. See? I got a hunny" he pulled out a dollar bill from my purse in the floor.

"This is a one!! I need to make me some money!!" He slid over to the driver side

He doesn't even sound human i worried. Alex said he didn't look like he had any eyes.

He put the car in drive

"Alex! No!"

Alex dust busted him anyway, jumped over the seat and put it in park

"He left his clothes?!"

"Yeah. Sit up here with me"

"No I don't want too. Too much strength. Action. Movement. I can't even read. Did you know? Too much strength"

"I had a feeling. But you're smart enough to slam the door to alert me. Put your seat belt on. There you go that's nice. Thank you bunny"

He was driving around the vans looking for our friends. He turned the corner and so many shadows. He parked. They seemed to get bigger.

"Oh no! Alex! Alex!" Then I just literally screamed and covered my head, he reached back and locked my door. Moving slow and still.

"They're just buildings now. You can look"

"Oh no Alex. One just got in the car! He's sitting behind you! Alex! No! Please don't touch me! Alex! Shoot it!"

He tried to climb up the back window. Like the one the day before had when I was just with Michael and T. He laid there mimicking me. And dangling his arm off the back of the back dash. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know if it was because i had been dead and it was Mark and my brain wasn't working proper cause the blood so i couldn't recognize. T turned around to check on me a lot and Mike checked the review mirror a lot. I knew he was driving but surely he could see if something was dangerous... But his eyes didn't acknowledge. Neither did hers.

"Your mom said i could!" He sounded hurt. In 2020 that attitude pisses me off and i kill things dead immediately, "we were in the morgue! And we were listening!! They said. They said you were scared! And we knew we couldn't kill the Queen! So i didnt turn around! And i was shot! Shot twice!"

Alex looked at me questioningly. "I don't know? If my mom said it's for a reason. I saw him yesterday and didn't tell no one"

"Thats not what i meant and i think i know that. You do, too. You're hiding something from me. Why are you sacred? Why did you let him in the car?" He said as he climbed over the seat. The last question was angry.

"Idk. You're beautiful do you know that? I love you"

"You make me want to fuck you! But I need to know what you're hiding from me, i know you do it sometimes and you haven't said one word about not working and sitting in a car being a door unlocker and you can kill, too"

"I know i can. Its just temporary until i feel better. Your eyes are so beautiful. Lets cuddle"

"Don't make me do this to you. I can't cuddle and you're sick and i know the truth"

"Oh that's okay just put your arm on the back of rhe seat and ill snuggle with you"

"No. I'm being patient with you. Don't look like i just slapped you."

"You did. Not my face but my heart"

"Fine. Lean against me"

"Take your shirt off"

"No I'm not doing that right now, honey"

"Your pants?"

"I would like to say yes but in your condition that's exerting too much pressure on your tonsils"

"What's wrong with T? She hasn't moved since you brought me over here"

"We don't know. Michael is trying to find the answer"

"You just need to shoot her. Here" i reached for the gun on his thigh near his knee

"No!!!!" He snatched it away.

"She won't die! She's not evil"

No way he was like no way

"Babe trust. Look see me. See her? She needs help. She's not like me. She can't move. Whatever hurt her is not her heart. She would have fallen over."

"Let me ask Mike"

"No let me just shoot her"

"You let one alien in the car and you want to kill our friend?!"

"I've let two."

"Oh well! And!" He was losing it.

"She's my cousin!. Trust. I know her. Something that has her is evil. Remember the clothes in the front seat? You shoved them out the door. So her. It must be alien. It must also be evil alien to do that to her. What if there's like a truck to come run her over so they can take her body. Im going to go stand next to her so i can see"

"No baby I'll just ... Ill just try it. But you owe me the truth why you're scared of aliens."

"Did they kill Mike? They killed Mark"

"No he's in a vacant house using the phone takinf9to the alien agency. Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please hurry. Just fire the dam thing already! Ill do it myself!! Ow that's hot"

"I told you I would do it and I did it. Now you owe me the truth"

"i can't im busy"

"You're not doing anything!"

"Im waiting for... She's awake!! Run!! Please hurry!! Hurry!! Let her in!!"

"What's going on!!!!!"

She ran and jumped in. Moments later a big blue worker uhaul type truck plowed into the car.

"The glass didn't shatter this is good. Now we have to kill them. Hurry! No don't get out! Through the window!"

"No one's driving. What if no one is driving? I didn't see anyone-- why is the truck doors opening!!?? No one was anywhere ne--"

I saw them climbing across the hood of the car. To get in. They could just get in. Especially through glass. I started screaming like a toddler. Then yelling "just shoot it!"

"What? Get down!".

Covering my own ears screaming like a toddler, my heart exploding, i sat in the floor board facing the seat. My back against T's seat. Screaming. "Just shoot them! They're every where!! Theres since many!! They're all gonna die!!" I scream like a toddler again.

T is saying over and over to stop screaming.

Alex is losing his mind and fluctuating between adoring and wanting to kill me.

"Just fucking stop it for Jesus sakes!!" He grabs my arm to pull my hand off my ear.

"Are they done? All dead i mean?" I Sat in the seat

"Jesus Christ my babe! Look you screamed so loud you woke the dead, here he comes"

I cover my ears and start screaming again.

"Jesus Christ who woke the kid?".

Alex gets in my face "That's not what i meant!! Okay?!?! Look!! Babe!! Please!! Just look!! Out the window!!"

I grab his hand and cover my eyes and turn to the window

"Jesus Christ. Do you see what she just did!?"

I lift his little finger. Drop it, Thwn his ring but I still can't see so I lift his middle finger and i can see Michael walking towards us

"Really baby?"

"Im not a baby. Im a babe."

"Well you scream like one!" T is excited to see her man "I'm over here!!!!!" She waves to him.

"No don't open the door. Just don't, you don't want her to scream do you?"

"Well how is he supposed to get in?"

"He can get in. He's family. When i scream it feels good"

"Michael is looking at the clothes. She shot me! I'm over here. Her mom told me she would. She said I'm not evil. I'm good and it won't hurt me But protect me."

"Yeah and my mom told me to scream. She said i used to do it when I was little"

"Not to wake the dead"

"Not like we lived next to the cemetery. Besides maybe they think my singing is beautiful and they want to listen more so they come closer and my singing brings them to life because im magical."

T forgot she could move and Michael was sure she was dead. Couldn't figure out how there was skid marks where she was if they had wanted to use her body. Didn't realize she had already moved. Finally she opened her car door and stood. Me yelling did nothing. His jaw dropped. His eyes widened. His head swiveled. He dropped all these papers.a briefcase and ran to the car "oh my honey! I thought you were dead! I was sure of it! I didn't want to go home. Just wait where you died until you returned." He said into her hair all muffled.

"I told you. Love" i say

"Goddamit Youre sexy" she said

"See? All about Love!"

"But how did you get to move? Get to life or whatever did happen?"

"They shot me"

His face went crazy rage "YOU SHOT MY DAM WIFE!?!"

"See?!? I told you! Love!"

"Im gonna fucking kill you!!" He literally threw ber into the door and tried to get to Alex and strangle him

"Or may be not!"

Long story short. She spanked him. He got woke. I went to get the papers he dropped and he abandoned me in the parking lot.

"Yeah what the fuck!" I gathered them up "yeah you're a real stupid ass. Im glad it got hit. I felt pretty bad for you for a minute even though you tried to kill Alex. Now i don't know how i feel. Yeah!! Mad!!!! Leave the abandoned orpahan alone in the parking lot with alien ghosts with a heart condition! 3 massive heart attacks and a really fucking bad one!!! I can have a stroke any minu-- oh my God. I need to calm down im going to die. Im gonna die. Mom i don't know how to breathe I'm gonna choke to death. Mom! Help!! Somebody?!?!" I fell. It was all dramatic and beautiful.

Alex got out of the car that screeched down the street and picked me up "is this what heaven is like?"

"You wish. You've really got some explaining to do"

"This is so romantic! This is so sweet!!" Everything was pink and blue and not the colors they were supposed to be "is the street a river? Is this good?"

Alex walked around to the other side of the car after dropping me off.

"Oh my God!!! Sabrina!! Oh my God! No stop the car! Are you bleeding?! No! You're turning pink! Armageddon wants you back. No don't go we need you to much. Sit baxk. We will pretend we are ina limo"

"STOP THE CAR. YOU'RE DRIVING IT INTO A LAKE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR PAPERS!! wow the world is changing before my very eyes. GET THE PAPERS! YOU NEED TO CHANGE THE PROPHECY! Get the dang pap--"

"Hes not even in the car"

"Then who wss driving? He was in the seat. The world keeps changing too many colors, the people. I need to eat by the way"

"Sabrina what happened to you by the way? Why did you fall? You were all covered in blood out your nose, eyes. Ears, wrists. Then you turned pink like you lived on Armageddon. And the colors you explain are Armageddon but nothing we saw changed but not on you. Not in the air. Nothing."

"They want me back. They want me back. We will have a meeting tonight. I stayed here?"

"Yes"

"Then all will be fine. Lift up your shirt. No him."

"Why do you Keep telling me to do that?"

"To keep rhythm with your heart. My mom told me that's how she kept me alive. That and with screaming. My dad couldn't do it. That's why they always took me to the bar. That's what she said. She said you could do it for me since Mark isn't here. And just about any Earthling or human as long as it's not Jupiter"

I fell asleep. I woke at the hotel restaurant parking lot

"I'm back!!! I went to Armageddon and they said they're a bunch of douche bag bastards and want to take over the Earth and asked what I thought. I said no. They said they believed it was temporary!!"

Michael turned around. He was an alien. Alex was. Everyone was. I laid back in the seat and started screaming and kicking while they tried to eatmy soul.

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twippyegg · 2 years

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happy birthday to me I guess.

Hey. I never make any original posts because most of the time I am pretty much talking to myself. I just need to get my feelings out. Since January of 2022, I was severely depressed. I had a best friend and a boyfriend give me the impression that they were too busy to get Christmas gifts while I spent a good chunk of change on them for last Christmas. Granted my boyfriend made it up by buying me every squishmallow in sight, my best friend at the time never made it up to me. We are no longer friends. (which ended this year as well.) I am forced to live with a man who is a lowlife. He fakes his dog as a service animal. The dog is so crazy that the dog can't even be off the leash in the house because the dog will chase my cats if let off the leash. This dog has chased my cats so many times.

I never consented to my living situation and at the time when I said yes, I was under the impression that this man was going to be homeless if we didn't take him in. Before he moved in, everyone involved knew that this dog could not be in the house. The only reason why this guy needed a place to stay is because he decided to be unfaithful to his now ex gf. Anytime I met this guy was because he was coming over to sleep with someone who also lived at my house.

For about 5 months from Jan-May, I was extremely suicidal. I started writing my letters to people, but I had to literally scream at my boyfriend to care. which hurt, but since then we have grown. I was so suicidal because I felt like I mattered to no one, while I am trying to make everyone else feel wanted and loved and appreciated. I try so hard that I ended up losing myself.

In May, is when this roommate moved in. My landlord who was also his mistress would do random visits without notice or would give a weeks notice and would stay for a couple weeks. I never consented to any of this.

(Just to recap, suicidal from Jan-may, roommate moved in may to my house and since then I haven't had a break.)

So now we are in July and August. July seemed okay from what I can remember, but august definitely was a shitty month. I was getting fed up with having this roommate, my landlord stopped visiting as well. So it made me wonder what was going on. On top of that, I ran a discord server for the gaming community targeting valorant. Me and my bestfriend at the time were the owners of the server and everything was good with me. My best friend at the time was just getting the little things thrown at them. (internet trolls, people not being on to play when they get on, stuff like this.) I told them that it seemed like unfortunate timing but to them it wasn't. I couldn't stand by them anymore because looking at our overall friendship there was nothing. I was always making the effort to try to keep the friendship going. We had nothing in common anymore. I told them I had to step away because this friendship went to shit. I couldn't defend them anymore, and I felt that way for a while.

In between may-august I was dealing with a crappy home life, no respect, no love, nothing. Things started to look up as I was told by my supervisor at work that since I am doing such a great job at work, they want to keep me and move me to a different work from home position to keep me. (I can't go back to office over an hour away in the middle of a major city.) I was so ecstatic! Finally, some good news to be proud of.

One day, my supervisor pulls all of us in a meeting and basically said. "Hey the higher ups are going insane right now, which isn't fair to us, they are basically saying that they messed up and they shouldn't have moved this many people over to the new campaign." I immediately ask, "Are the people you spoke with regarding this move still going over there?" She replied "Yes, if I spoke to you, everything I said is still valid." Nice I thought. It sucks the higher ups messed up but as long as I continue doing my job I will be fine.

No one got back to me regarding this promotion and 1 week before my supervisor left for this different job, she told me that I was no longer moving over to the other job, and that I would have to move back to office instead. My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe my ears. "the reason why you are moving back to office is because your survey scores aren't the best." Yes, at my job, when people fill out surveys, they count against you. Regardless if they didn't like what you said or anything. My quality assurance has been at 95% this entire time I was working with this company. I have never been written up and I have been with the company for over a year now. It's over. I am now losing my job. What the fuck do I even do. I am an "autistic" person who has to fit in societal standard.... I am going to struggle so hard.

After about a week of crying and sadness, I had two wonderful friends Richard and Connor help me, and motivate me to make something of myself. They told I am brilliant, and I am very passionate. It's been a while since someone told me good job, I'm proud of you, You are doing okay, etc. They told me that. So thats exactly what I did.

I created a plan to help me get through my Comptia A+ certification so I can get better paying jobs. But as I am typing this here. My roommate reminded me just how little and stupid I am. How disrespected and stupid I am. His dog chased my cats again, and he claimed he fell, but I was right there it was bullshit. No one cares. It's all fake. Nobody cares about you unless you care about you.

Overall, I am ready to give up. Maybe if I die I will reincarnate into someone who will have a simpler life. Maybe someone who is well respected. Maybe someone who is less stupid, and more useful in the world. I love the people I love to death. but I can't imagine them actually grieving over me as I am just someone who is there to be there.

My Birthday is September 27th, and I will be 23. Life has sucked so much and if this is the way life is, I don't want to be apart of it. Life never gets better. There isn't a light at the tunnel. People just say that shit because killing yourself is "so sad" but leading up to it, it's just "oh you are being so dramatic, you gotta do something about your situation, I hate seeing you so sad" but no one ever helps. Nothing ever helps. I am truly a lonely loser. I lost my job, I lost my bestfriend, I feel like I am loosing my boyfriend, No one talks to me. I always try to make sure everyone is good but when will someone do the same? I am heartbroken because life has officially knocked me down. I can't imagine getting back up. I am tired of getting back up. That's all for now, wish me luck. I'll need it.

#adhd #adhd in women #actuallyautistic #autism #sorry for being depressing #this is depressing

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