#something something trusting in the self determination of the next generation

[snurtle]

Felassan enasalin!

A tribute to my best boy Felassan; he's not gone in my heart, just wandering the Fade somewhere. ; ; Featuring my attempt at Elvhen writing! The sidebar says "Felassan enasalin" -- the other bit is just my signature transliterated. I might or might not make a guide at some point in case other people want to use written Elvhen, who knows.

The Elvhen writing in this is a cipher based on the carvings we see in game + the scrap from Last Flight, stylized with flourishes. Any similarities to real languages are coincidental and unintended! The pose is from a portrait of Henry Woodward by Violet Oakley (1921).

[sirowsky-stories]

For The Love Of A Grump

Summary: Pero reflects on how you made his birthday the best it possibly could've been.

Requested by @chaoticfestninja

Rating: General/Everyone Warnings: Pero Tovar x female reader, but told from Pero's pov. As always, my Pero has issues with self-worth, but this story is a positive one, focused on his perspective of being loved. Word Count: 900

   He’d asked you to keep it small, and you had. But you’d also made it enormous, somehow managing to incorporate the entire world into the intimate celebration, and for the life of him, he’s never known how you do those things.

   Dragging him out of bed first thing in the morning, almost before the sun had even risen, he’d grumbled at you, truly feeling upset that you hadn’t let him sleep in, or even wished him happy birthday before ordering him to get dressed and hauling him out to the car.

   The drive had been long and listening to your upbeat sing-along with your favorite pop music radio station, had eventually worn him down and made him laugh.    He’d never been able to resist your joyous energy and the way you seemed so unaffected by his general grumpiness.

   It was exactly what had eventually convinced him he’d already fallen for you, that day in the pouring rain two years ago, when he’d gotten angry with you for not even letting the autumn weather get to you. As if that could ever be a bad thing.

   That was the moment it had dawned on him, the only reason he would’ve been so upset was if he hadn’t wanted your positivity to infect him. But it already had, and he was already lost in it by then, craving it so badly it had frightened him into trying to scare you away.

   You’d been immune to his mood swings from the start, never backing down no matter how terribly he’d treated you, and so impossibly elated whenever he’d showed you even a hint of happiness, that your very skin had seemed to shine with your joy.

   He’d loved you long before he’d been able to understand it, but you’d known from the moment you’d met him, and you’d been determined to help him see it.

   He trusts you beyond all reason, which was why he’d kept his mouth shut that morning in the car, not letting himself gripe at you. He knows better. You had a plan, and whatever it was, he’d be stupid to interfere with it.

   The beach had been deserted that time in the morning, the ocean calm and pink in the first light of the day. Growing up far from the coast, he’d always been enchanted by the sea, drawn to it and calmed by it, so you’d brought him there to start the day off in the best possible way.

   Breakfast on a blanket in the sand, followed by soothing cuddles and soft kisses, while the waves had begun to gently roll against the land. You’d let him doze off in your arms, giving him back the desired sleep-in you’d robbed him of earlier.

   Getting back in car, you hadn’t brought him home, but instead taken him on a remembrance tour of your relationship, driving past all the places where you could recall something significant happening between you, and it had amazed him how much you’d held onto. Especially all the bad, which you somehow managed to see the positives of.

   The next stop had been his favorite lunch diner, where you’d made sure the staff had treated him to their birthday special, complete with a song and dance routine which had left him laughing with equal parts embarrassment and delight.

   But it was the afternoon which had really taken him to a sense of wonder, as you’d borrowed a pair of horses and taken him on a cross-country ride which had lasted until nightfall, over giant plains, mountains, rivers, and which had seen the two of you cook dinner over an open fire.

   And even though you’d been all alone, not seeing another person for the duration of the journey, the vast sky above you, as well as the wonder of the natural features you’d navigated, had spoken to his heart about the connectivity of all things. From the distant sun, to the little bird which had taken refuge on his shoulder, under the brim of his hat, to escape the afternoon heat for a minute.

   Out there, he had been reminded of how small he is, but at the same time, how wonderous it is that one little person could’ve found his soulmate at all, within this chaotic and artfully crafted world.

   The evening had been spent among the sheets, where you’d allowed him to show you every nuance of his affection and desire for you, and it was only when his strength had finally run out and he’d tugged you into his arms to feel your stubbornly stoic and unfathomably kind heart beat against his ribs, that you’d finally wished him a happy birthday.

   Because you’d known, the same way you always know these things, that he would only hear the truth of your words once you’d already expressed them in every other way possible.

   Not because he doesn’t believe what you say, but simply because that’s how little he thinks of himself.

   You are the only proof he’s ever had, that his life and existence has any meaning. He lives for you and the joy he somehow gives you by merely being there.

   And as he falls asleep with you safely tucked against him, he thinks that one day he might be able to deserve your love. If he keeps letting you guide him.

   If he keeps letting your unbridled positivity infect him.

   Forever.

THE END

[gaybananabread]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Perfection is Relative ˖ ݁݁ 𖥔.

~Soooo I’m in my rewatch-comfort-shows era, and Helluva Boss is next. I can’t wait for the newest episode, so I’m trying to get the insanity out with this. For anyone who happens to read this, I hope you Enjoy!~

Lee: Moxxie

Ler: Millie

Summary: Moxxie is second-guessing himself and stressing out about his appearance. Millie notices and decides to lovingly remind her husband what the word “perfect” truly means in this life.

Warnings: spoilers for Helluva Boss and fluffy couple romance (few kisses)! This is a tickle fic, so if you don’t like that, scroll away!!

Moxxie had always had confidence issues. Be it moral dilemmas, other’s perceptions or just general life itself, he would second-guess himself and shy away. However, there was one thing he could always trust himself to nail: his presentations.

Whenever Blitz had a performance-based job, Moxxie put his best hoof forward and found a rare spark of assurance and self-confidence. His outfits were on point, any makeup was flawless, and he got into the metaphorical zone. Nobody could ruin that for him, or so he thought.

At the summer camp, Moxxie had spent a good few hours designing his persona and the look of it. He was actually pretty proud of it. That was, until those teenage girls and everyone else at the camp insulted his appearance and disregarded his existence.

Millie and him had already discussed how it made him feel, and while he was incredibly happy for and proud of his wife, he couldn’t get those thoughts out of his head. It bled into his everyday planning, making him critique every little detail about himself. Like that morning, where he’d spent half an hour adjusting his bowtie position.

“Maybe a bit lower to point the focus…” Moxxie mumbled to himself, loosening his bowtie once again. He’d left the bedroom door open, too focused on the mirror to notice. He didn’t even notice as his wife peeked in, nor he did he catch her small, knowing sigh.

“Honey…what’re you doing?” Millie came up behind him, resting her hands on his waist. She’d noticed his extra self-consciousness lately, but she hoped it was something he’d work out. It was apparently deeper than that, though, so she was at the ready with support and a - hopefully - helpful conversation.

“Adjusting my bow. It’s not really symmetrical, and I want it to send a certain message about me.” His words were a bit rushed, giving his wife a peek into the swirling storm of his mind. She wasn’t happy with what she saw.

“You really don’t need to worry, Mox. You look amazin’ already.” Millie gently grabbed his chin, turned him and kissed him. He sighed at the affection, pulling away after a second. Moxxie felt bad about kissing her; he wasn’t good enough yet. Millie deserved the world, and he couldn’t help but feel inadequate.

“If you say so, Mills. Just let me fix up a few more things.” Moxxie tugged at his collar, adjusting the bow and tugging his hair into place.

Now, Millie could’ve just left her husband to finish getting ready. However, doing so would’ve meant letting him think he needed any of the extra glitz and ritz he was putting forth. He was handsome and wonderful enough as-is; she was determined to get that through to him.

With a suppressed smirk, the female imp grabbed his chin once again, her tail snaking around his waist. Moxxie was oblivious to her true plot, just suspecting she wanted attention. “Millie, just gimme one seco- EEP!”

He cut himself off with a squeak as Millie’s claws skittered across his neck. Down below, the pointy tip of her tail was dragging along his side. The smirk was no longer suppressed, her adorable tooth gap showing in the playful grin.

“Mihihillie! Whahat are youhu dohohohoing?!” Moxxie squirmed and wriggled, trying to slip away from his wife. Millie wrapped her free arm around his waist, securing him while adding more wiggling fingers to his stomach.

“Gettin’ you outta your head, Mox. You got too much judgmental crud about yourself up there.” Millie placed a fluttery kiss behind his ear, making him squeak once again. Her fingers were still going at it, dragging the pointed claws along his belly and neck while her tail teased his side.

Moxxie instinctively folded like a lawn chair, his giggles squeaky and scratchy. His wife’s arm was the only thing keeping him from dropping to the floor.

“Mihihills! I cahahan’t- KYAAhahaha!” The sharpshooter kicked his hooves, each impact making a small clack against their wooden floor. Millie couldn’t help but coo at this.

“Aww, there we go, sugar~” She purred, chuckling against the warm skin of his neck. His careful bowtie placement was all messy now, skewed and crooked from Millie’s evil affection. She was hoping to get him all nice and messy before she stopped. He needed to see how amazing he was at his least dolled-up.

While his giggles were certainly music to her ears, she was looking for something with a bit more gusto. Millie wanted to really make him laugh.

Quickly spinning her husband around, she pushed him down onto their bed and grabbed his thighs. Moxxie’s eyes went as wide as saucers, but before he could say a word, her claws were wiggling into his sensitive skin.

“NAHAHAHO! MIHIHILIHIE PLEHEHEASE!” Moxxie’s precious giggles quickly rocketed up to loud, screeching cackles as Millie targeted his worst spot. He thrashed on the bed, ruining his hair and untucking his shirt in the process. She was quick to take advantage of that, slipping her tail underneath the fabric to tease his stomach once again.

“O-OHOHO MY SAHAHATAN!” Small tears of mirth gathered in the corners of his eyes, his cheeks stained a deeper, purple-ish red. The blush was adorable to Millie, though his tears showed she had gone far enough. She stilled her fingers, kissing his smiling lips.

“Ihihihi… oho cruhuhums…” Moxxie took a few deep, giggly breaths as he tried to regain his composure. That attack had come out of nowhere, but he didn’t exactly hate it. “Whahat was thahat for?”

“I already told ya, hon. You’re bein’ too hard on yourself.” Millie rolled off him, lying down beside her husband. He sighed, shaking his head.

“I juhust…I dunno, Millie. It’s just not enough. I need to be perfect.” She brushed a bit of his unruly hair back in place, humming. “I think you look pretty damn perfect right now, Mox. You’re only perfect when you’re you.”

Moxxie felt himself tear up at that. Millie was just…so herself. He thought she was perfect, so…maybe she was right. Leaning forward, he kissed her lovingly, his tail wrapping around hers.

Millie smiled into the soft embrace, cupping his face with one hand as the other held him close. He was so adorable just then: rosy cheeks, loving eyes, messy hair and love-drunk eyes. She could gaze at him for eternity and never tire of his most natural beauty.

“Uhum…what were we getting ready for again?” Moxxie asked as he pulled away, finally remembering that they had planned on going somewhere. It did kind of spoil the moment, but he genuinely couldn't remember.

“Well, I think…Blitz called us in? Somethin’ about a pop-up client.” Millie sighed, knowing that their boss was probably ready to kill them for not being there yet. She didn't regret a damn thing, of course; Moxxie was more important than work.

“Shit…you wanna get ready together?” Moxxie shrugged, offering the small moment. Millie looked him over one last time, taking in her perfectly amazing mess of a husband before nodding.

“Sounds good, Mox. But no spendin’ forever on silly things, got it?” She booped his nose for emphasis, wiggling a few sneaky fingers on his side. Moxxie giggled and jerked away, playfully glaring at her.

“Gohot it,” he agreed, sticking his tongue out with a smirk. Millie rolled her eyes before hopping off the bed as well, joining him by the mirror.

Moxxie looked into the reflective glass, seeing himself in near complete disarray. But, with Millie’s smiling figure by his side, loving every bit of him unconditionally, he couldn't help but like what he saw just that much more.

[corviiids]

I really liked your analysis on the “core” of both Joker and Akechi. I agree that neither the detective prince or the black mask “is” Akechi at his core; but rather, he’s fractured. My question to you is, do you think we ever see the “true” Goro Akechi within the canon? It is my opinion that we do likely in Rank 6 just for a little bit and in fragments during the engine room. And by that logic, what do you think the “true” Akechi would be like in a post canon scenario where the DP/BM are gone?

thank you so much and really good question. in my personal opinion we definitely see parts of his sincere self but there's sort of an asterisk attached to that (ill expand) and more importantly even in those truthful moments we never really see the Whole of him because as i said before i don't think his sense of self is really collected enough into a unified whole to be able to show it off even if he wanted to, at least at that point in his life

im like turning this question over in my hands bc im about to go into a bunch of this stuff in the next chapter of my longfic and i dont want to just say the same thing twice, but basically (this time it isn't as long thank god. it's still a bit long)

i think even in the moments akechi is letting you see him in canon such as in rank 6 (and i think you're right i do think at rank 6 he's exposing a bit of himself to you. most of himself. all of himself. he is naked) he's doing so deliberately, because unveiling a bit of truth is a very potent tool in trying to get someone's trust (in this case ren's) and convincing them to swallow the rest of a lie. so while he's showing you something real, i think his intentions are still very guarded, so i would still say he's holding up a facade at that point

black mask in the engine room is more complicated because i think that's the closest he gets to being unguarded during canon. look it's like multilayered because i think when he's being the detective prince he's aware that he's being false because he's doing it on purpose, but when he's the black mask he's much less aware because at that point the insincerity is just something that's built into his understanding of himself so it becomes less a deliberate facade and more a failure to comprehend who he is on an internal level? so i think as black mask in the engine room he's not lying to you anymore. he's just not like... self-actualised enough that we can really call the black mask the "whole" of who goro akechi is, because he sees himself as a villain with an expiration date and so he's kind of deliberately made his self-understanding quite shallow. but it's close. i think that's the most sincere he ever intentionally gets.

re: postcanon - this is really interesting to mull over because i think generally people agree that third semester akechi is like, again, as close as we can get to akechi not masking around you. but i also think that's mostly just because he's being mean, and it's easier to buy meanness as sincerity than niceness. im going into this in the next chapter too i have to figure out how to reword this

but akechi in third sem IS masking. akechi in third sem is a man who thinks he's dead. that expressionlessness isn't just him not bothering to put the smile on anymore, it's him coating his entire existence in a layer of nihilism and apathy because in his mind he doesn't exist anymore and how are you meant to cope with that? it's definitely still more sincere than the detective prince, and i think it's closer to what his personality would be removed from his circumstances. well, that raises another question on a more abstract level LOL about how much of a person's personality IS just... reactivity to circumstances. like is it even meaningful to ask this question? is it useful to try and remove someone into a contextless vacuum to determine their "true self". i think no so to what point is it relevant to try and determine which of a person's circumstances are sufficiently extreme that they should be considered outliers and at what point does it just become a futile exercise in trying to achieve, like, the character equivalent of nagel's view from nowhere I'M GETTING OFF TRACK THI SISNT WHAT YOU ASKED

THE POINT IS. postcanon i think we could expect akechi to resemble his third sem self to an extent but i think a little less blank, a little more reactive and emotional. furthermore i think even when the detective prince and the black mask are gone as conscious masks elements of those personalities would still remain in akechi's character, like, i still think he'd do the ^_^ in public, i still think he'd be unhinged when context allows, because i very firmly believe that (not just for akechi but for everyone in general, but especially for akechi) the choices you make when you're masking and those masks that you wear ARE part of your true self and not just a disguise this is going to show up in longfic too

so i think akechi goro is a liar, he's a performer, he's ruthless, he's flat and dry, he knows how to play the game. he was once idealistic and it's crossed into bitterness so he reacts to his circumstances with cynicism and impatience. he's guarded and carefully filtered in most situations, but in familiar situations where he feels he doesn't have too much to lose (eg with the few people he thinks he can mostly trust) he's smug and cutting and doesnt suffer fools easily. he doesnt pull punches, but dont mistake the bluntness for honesty. i think to akechi truth and information and vulnerability will always be a weapon

[slytherinboysappreciation]

The End of a Movie - P. P. x fem!Reader x (very mild) M.R.

A/N: Here’s the second part. Hope it lives up to the first 😬 Fic is unedited with no use of Y/N. Please let me know if I missed any tags 💛

CW: Mentions of grounding; punishment mentions; pet names; pining; fluff; girls in love; emotional turmoil; Pansy has a big house; Pansy’s parents are rich; mentioned sexual content; emotional shutdown and mild breakdown over feelings; crying; Mattheo comes to help; snuggling; more crying; Pansy is a good friend; confessions; kissing; lots of kissing; talk of sharing; mentions of parents freaking out in the future; implied sexual content; I’m rating this one T for Read the tags and don’t read if they make you worried/uncomfortable/unsure

2083 words

You’re grounded for the weekend. No parties, no friends. No phone. No nothing. You’re stuck all by yourself, doing chores to occupy your time. By the end of it, you’re almost regretting the whole thing.

Pansy finds you by your locker at school. “Hey, babe.”

The petname sends a thrill through you, reminding you of the reason you’d risked your parents’ wrath in the first place.

She’d kissed you back.

“Hi, Pansy,” you say softly, trying to keep the shyness out of your voice.

She smiles at you. “You coming to my party this weekend?”

“Your party?”

“Mum’s letting me throw one in honor of my birthday. It’s a little belated, but I want you to come.” She nudges your hip with hers teasingly. “You don’t even have to bring a gift.”

You laugh a little. Give her an achingly soft look. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

Her smile warms. You’re in such an open hallway and anyone could see, but she still reaches out and gives your hand a soft squeeze.

Your heart sings. She wasn’t ignoring you. She wasn’t pretending nothing happened. She was acknowledging you.

You give her hand a soft squeeze back before letting go.

Something catches your eye. It’s Mattheo, headed your way. Your stomach drops, but you force yourself to remain calm. He doesn’t look mad or upset, just mildly cheerful.

“Hey, babes.”

Babes? Since when were you included in this?

“Hi, Mattheo,” you greet politely.

“Hi, Matty.” Pansy smiles up at him.

Your stomach churns a bit. It doesn’t mean anything, right?

Mattheo drapes an arm around Pansy and grins at you. “You coming to the party this weekend?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Your chest hurts.

“You need a ride?”

You nod again and force out some words. “Yes, please.”

“Alright.” Mattheo nods. “I’ll text you about what time to pick you up.”

“Okay.” You’d forgotten Mattheo even had your number.

The three of you part ways, your feelings churning in your stomach. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would Pansy actively seek you out if she’s dating Mattheo again?

The only answers you can come up with make you feel gross, so you shove the thought to the back of your mind.

Pansy seeks you out again during lunch, pulling you to sit next to her. To chat about the party.

It feels nice. To be wanted by her again. And you’re determined to savor every moment of it.

The day of the party comes. You make yourself look nice. Your outfit is cute and you even put some makeup. You look good.

A little too good, judging by the way Mattheo stops and stares at you for a moment too long. He’s on your doorstep, keys in his hand. And he’s just staring at you.

“Not even a hello?” You say, trying to keep the mood light.

Mattheo snaps back to his normal self, giving you a sheepish grin. “Sorry. Hi. You look great.”

You smile and walk to his truck. He opens the door for you, helping you up into the spacious backseat. Theo’s in the passenger seat, too busy texting to look up. Not that you want to talk to him anyway.

You settle into your seat and stare out the window as Mattheo drives. He turns on country music, and you find yourself quietly humming along.

You arrive at Pansy’s party in no time. The loud music would get a noise complaint from anyone else, but you know the neighbors were gifted generously to ignore the sound for tonight.

To say Pansy’s house was big would be an understatement. Pansy’s house was massive. She lived in the nice part of town, with Mattheo and Theo and their friends.

You quickly familiarize yourself with the scene. Jocks in the living room, screaming at the TV about something; nerds in the kitchen, already getting wasted; preps…

You spot one heading upstairs and decide you know enough.

Mattheo and Theo join the jocks, and you go look for Pansy. You find her in the second living room, watching a cheap porno.

You say nothing, just watch her face for a moment before turning to leave. She doesn’t notice you. And you have no interest in interrupting her obvious fascination with what’s going on on-screen.

So you wander. You mingle. A drink finds its way into your hand and you sip on it.

The party gets wilder. You get quieter.

Why did you come? What was the point? To support Pansy? Sure, but you knew there was more.

To get another kiss? There were too many people around.

So what? Why does your chest feel so hollow and your stomach feel so empty?

Eventually you find yourself outside. You don’t know why. The buzz from your drink and your heavy thoughts make it hard to remember.

You sit on the edge of the porch and gaze out into the woods. The trees are dark. Both menacing and inviting at the same time.

You finish your drink and set the cup down. You curl your knees to your chest.

You ache.

Your thoughts get louder and heavier. Pansy doesn’t love you. Pansy’s never loved you. She only keeps you around because you make her feel good about herself. You’re worthless to her.

Your eyes mist up and you hide your face in your arms.

The sound of footsteps behind you has you looking up. Mattheo crouches next to you, looking worried. “Hey, love… What's going on?”

“I’m fine,” you whisper, shaking your head. You hate your traitorous voice for cracking and your eyes for threatening to spill tears.

“You’re not fine.” Mattheo rests a hand on your shoulder gently. “Did someone try something? If they did—“

You shake your head. “It’s just… my brain…”

Mattheo’s gaze softens. “Oh.”

The two of you are quiet for a moment. Then Mattheo stands up. “Come on.”

You blink and look up. “What?”

“We’re going for a drive.” He looks so determined, you can’t find it in you to say no. So you get up and follow him.

He leads you inside, making a detour towards the second living room. Your stomach drops.

Mattheo gestures to Pansy and she slowly gets up off the couch. She heads over, frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“Come on.” Mattheo takes her arm. “We’re going for a drive.”

Pansy seems mildly surprised, but she doesn’t protest.

As you walk towards the front door, Mattheo whispers to her. You politely don’t listen in, but you can’t help from catching a few snatches here and there. They’re talking about you.

Your heart sinks. Are they taking you home?

You arrive at Mattheo’s truck and decide that yes, they must be taking you home. What else would they be doing?

You quietly get into the backseat, already feeling like you want to cry. You’re fully prepared for Pansy to take shotgun, but instead she crawls into the backseat with you.

She scoots closer, wrapping her arms around you. You can’t help it; you burrow into her warmth. You hide your face in her shoulder and try your best not to cry.

Pansy just cradles you, wrapping her arms around your waist.

Mattheo starts to drive, turning his music way down low, till it’s barely audible. It gives you something to focus on other than the way Pansy’s skin smells. Lavender, with a touch of vanilla.

None of you say anything for a long time. Mattheo just drives. You cling to Pansy. Pansy rubs her hand along your back.

You calm down eventually. Tears stop threatening your eyes. You slowly pull back, sitting up and wiping stray droplets from your lashes.

“You okay?” Pansy whispers. You nod, not quite trusting your voice.

She cups your face, gently brushing your cheek with her thumb. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, baby?”

The pet name makes your heart ache. Tears threaten your eyes again. You think about all the things you could say in answer.

The truth slips out before you can stop it. “You.”

She blinks. Her gaze softens. She leans in, resting her forehead against yours. “Oh, baby…”

You want to cry. You want to sob. You want to melt into her.

But Mattheo is driving and you can’t lose yourself around him. It’s too risky.

Pansy’s so close, you can practically taste her lips against yours. But you don’t make the move.

The truck speeds up and you break away. You’re on the highway now, headed out of town. You blink. “Um. Where are we going?”

Pansy gives your hand a squeeze. “Mattheo knows a nice place out of town. It’s quiet there.”

There’s no people there. You know what she’s really saying. In any other circumstance, you’d be thrilled at what she’s implying.

But Mattheo’s still in the truck. He’s your driver. But he’s not saying anything. He’s not… Is he okay with this?

At your look of confusion, Pansy smiles softly. She cups your cheek again, turning your head to face her. “Baby, it’s okay. He knows.”

You swallow past the quiet panic in your chest. “Knows…?”

You need her to confirm it. You’ve lived so long in half-said words and implications. You don’t think you can continue. Not when it’s her.

“He knows.” She strokes your cheek. “About us.”

Us. There’s an us. She definitely said us.

You can barely breathe. She really means it? She’s really truly voicing what you have?

“Us…?” You whisper, voice shaky.

Pansy smiles. “Yeah. Us.”

You swallow. Blink. Take a long breath. “And what are… What is… What…”

“Whatever you want us to be.” She leans in and presses a kiss to your lips. One that’s achingly soft and warm. You melt into it.

When you pull back, there’s only one thought on your mind. “But… What about Mattheo?”

Pansy’s smile turns fond. And in an instant you understand. They love each other. Not teenage crush love. Something deeper. Bigger. More.

“Oh,” you whisper. “Then why…?”

Pansy presses a finger to your lips. “I like you,” she breathes. “A lot. And he’s okay with that. But if you want me, you have to take him too.”

You look at Mattheo. You’re quiet for a moment. “I don’t have to kiss him, right?”

They both laugh. Pansy shakes her head. “No, you don’t have to kiss him.”

“Okay.” You nod.

Pansy smiles. “Just like that?”

You shrug. “I’ve… I’ve been sharing you with him for most of my life. This shouldn’t be too different, right?”

“Most of…” Pansy blinks at you. Her gaze softens. “You’ve really liked me for most of your life?”

You nod, face heating. Did… she really not know?

Pansy searches your face. Her expression changes a couple times before settling on a smile. She cups your face, pulling you closer so she can kiss you.

It’s fervent. Feels like sparks taking over your body. You want to kiss her forever.

When you pull back to breathe, she murmurs against your mouth, “Guess we’ll have to make up for lost time, hmm?”

You kiss her this time.

It feels like hours before Mattheo parks, but eventually he does. You pull away from Pansy, mouth slick and tingling.

You’re on a hill, parked at just the right angle to see through a break in the trees. You look at the time. It’s almost four am. Your parents are going to freak out. You just know your phone’s filled with unanswered texts and missed calls.

But you don’t care.

Mattheo opens his door and gets into the backseat, settling on the other side of Pansy.

It’s a little sloppy. Messy. Uncoordinated. But you make it work.

Mattheo sucks hickeys into Pansy’s neck while you finally get to taste her lips as much as you want. They don’t taste much like cherry by the time you switch places with Mattheo.

You do this a couple times. Till the sky turns from black to blue to grey. Till your clothes are in a puddle and your bodies are sticky with warmth.

You kiss Mattheo once. Slowly. Softly. Just to see.

The kiss feels warm. You like warm. Warm is comforting. You could get used to warm.

You want sparks right now, though, so you return to kissing Pansy.

The three of you fall asleep to the sunrise. Snuggled in the backseat of Mattheo’s truck.

And for the first time in a very long time, you know you won’t have to wake up wondering if Pansy likes you.

[alchemie-tarot]

2023: What’s on the horizon for you?

Happy New Year, everyone! 🎆 Giving you all virtual high-fives and energetic hugs. I’ve been seeing in my timeline a lot that people are getting into their soft eras. I liked that so much, I picked out this set of purple-pink skies I captured that I initially had for a different pick-a-card topic. Makes you slow down and watch in awe.

May this year treat you beautifully. 💜

Feel free to choose the pile/s that call out to you. Some details may not resonate with you since this is a general reading. As always, nothing is set in stone, so please don’t take it too seriously.

Pile 1

The Emperor (back of the deck), 6 of Swords, The Tower, 9 of Wands

2022 has been all about control and structure in your life. You've created a routine that enables you to complete your day-to-day tasks seamlessly. It could even be that you’ve perfected some kind of system for yourself. You’ve been handling things in a practical approach more than anything. Once you have set your mind to something, you don’t budge. 

None of the knowledge you have absorbed has gone to waste. You’ve learned so much because of this dedication. “Bulletproof” came to mind. Any attempts to thwart your plans probably bounce off you, as if you’re made of steel. I have a feeling that there was a need for you to instill such discipline in your life, but at this point, you may have been taking these rules a little too seriously. 

Seeing how you like to keep your feet planted on the ground, I believe you need to buckle up for a change, Pile 1. You may not be the type to shake things up from time to time, but there will be a lot of movement in your life this year. It may feel like a rug pulled from under your feet. There is an element of surprise. I feel that most of you may not like to hear that, and I apologize if it causes you distress. 

You must know that this change is inevitable and it will manifest one way or another. Despite everything, though, I can see you riding it out. You will make this transition, even if you had to endure some strong discomfort for it. I assure you that you won’t be alone in this. Please don’t be afraid. The ways of the past are about to crumble because they won’t work anymore in contrast to the blazing potential ahead of you. It’s time to learn how to use your determination and willpower without letting them get the best of you. I have complete faith in you, Pile 1. I never see you back down and that already speaks volumes. Hang in there.

Pile 2

The High Priestess (back of the deck), King of Wands, 7 of Cups, Page of Cups, 9 of Wands

Splendid work getting to know who you are on a deeper level for the past year. It’s not an easy journey to go within but kudos to you, Pile 2, because I can see that you’ve learned to trust yourself and let go of the need to control every little thing. Balancing the burden of knowledge with self-compassion is key in this development. You may have spent a great deal in solitude, and look at you having thrived in it! Your Higher Self is radiant and they thank you for taking action, Pile 2.

Now, having shifted into the new year, your focus on your inner world is about to shift as well. The universe encourages you to get back out there. It’s time to get your head out of the clouds and come back down to earth. You know what you want now, having realized them during your period of reflection, and the next step is to turn them into a concrete action plan. I can see that manifesting them in a swift and bold way, owning exactly how you want things to be, is what would work wonders for you.

I really love your energy so far, Pile 2. Dazzling opportunities come your way precisely because they mirror you. There’s so many to choose from, all you have to do is take your pick. You’re a boiling pot of creativity and innovative ideas by yourself. 

It doesn’t even stop there because I can see you becoming a source of inspiration for many others. People who may have struggles that are similar to yours in the past will see how amazingly in touch you are with yourself now. What a balm to their soul. An embrace of assurance and a breath of fresh air. You have filled your own cup by putting yourself first. This has then enabled you to help others by sharing yourself, led by the right mind and the right heart.

Pile 3

Knight of Wands (back of the deck), 6 of Wands, 8 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Justice

You’ve made 2022 your oyster, Pile 3. You worked hard and played hard– this would differ for each person, of course, depending on your definition of work and play. It doesn’t have to be related to your job or your studies. It could also mean that you have broken through your confines and started something new in your life, or pursued what you’re passionate about. Whatever it was, it has given you a lot of freedom. So much fearless exploration, and it’s like all those months flew by so fast. What a rich year it has been for you!

You’re coming out on top, and as the new year ushers in, your achievements will be in plain sight. You did it, Pile 3! You’re gonna make it! The world will see how you flourished and admire all the progress you’ve made. Bask in it as you deserve. Remember, though, that gratitude goes a long way in helping the seeds that you have planted grow fruit. Be careful not to let your confidence tip into arrogance.

There is a message here about you not being in touch with your intuition. You may have been ignoring something your gut has been telling you, or you may have deemed any time of quiet and introspection unimportant. Pile 3, it seems to be related to a big, unresolved aspect of your life that can have long-term consequences. I feel that many of you would rather not face it.

Alright, I know I said that things in your life are about to reach a fever pitch, but there is advice for you to pause and go inwards for a bit, or this excitement will risk some kind of explosion— a revelation you may not be ready for. Your inner compass seems to fluctuate more than it is stable. Your success won’t be going anywhere, you know, so don’t worry about it disappearing if you take some time away in order to reflect. Ease into it and remember to be fair to yourself. 

Pile 4

King of Pentacles (back of the deck), The Empress, Knight of Swords, 8 of Pentacles Rx

I swear, this year has been all about the hustle for so many of you. If you felt like looking at Pile 1, its message has some similarities to this pile. Anyway, it goes without saying that you’ve been really getting that bread. Congratulations! In a fast-paced and competitive world where it’s hard enough to put one foot in front of the other, you got yourself out there with a discipline that wasn’t easy to cultivate, and you’re rewarded for it. Well done, Pile 4.

This year, it’s time for you to stop and take some time off to smell the roses. Go on a walk, eat something delicious that fills your stomach, and indulge in the luxuries you’ve set aside for so long. Create something with your hands that follows no criteria other than to please yourself. Relax! Relaaax. I say it like that because even though you’re fully entitled to this R & R, you still seem to be quite restless. Your guard is up as if you’re ready for some kind of combat. It’s like, you’re on your phone, waiting and mildly dreading the next thing to do even though it hasn’t come up yet, instead of clicking it shut and turning it face down.

Pile 4. You may have forgotten to live your life, but life hasn’t forgotten about you. You’re being called to freshen up and let your material pursuits and burdens take a rest for a while. Frolic into that imagination of yours and explore the more pleasurable side of your life. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. I bet you can get into the mundane and find the simple things that can make you smile, or remind you of the bigger picture. If it helps, you can still think of keeping your time of play and health in tiptop shape as a form of progress, too. Never mind if society tends to downplay it. Take it easy, Pile 4. You’ll thank yourself later.

Pile 5

The Devil (back of the deck), Strength, Queen of Pentacles, The Sun, The Emperor, Ace of Wands

2022 may have been one of the most nerve-wracking years of your life. I’ll go ahead and say that for some of you, it may have even been the worst. In several ways, you’ve felt trapped, empty, and powerless to change it. You may have been just waiting for it to drag along, putting your hopes into the new year. I’m so sorry to hear that, Pile 5. All you wanted was a little peace in so much chaos. For some, this year you came face-to-face with your demons.

You handled it with so much courage, Pile 5. I can see it shining from you like a ray of light. From the dark night and into the bright morning, you saw your vices illuminated before you and then gently, but firmly, held yourself accountable to them. Working with blockages isn’t an overnight thing. Still, as the Strength card depicts, you tamed that lion not with force, but with grace. It wasn’t easy at all, but you did it. You have no idea how much progress you made. I’m so, so proud of you.

If only I could properly convey the magnitude of blessings coming to you, Pile 5. Whatever it is, it’s gonna make you so happy. I’m telling you, the goods will be flowing and your aura’s gonna shine. “Money can't buy happiness?” Not for you, because this will surely open doors for you. For a few, it doesn’t have to be about finances, but a state of being grounded and surefooted enough to let your hair down. If you think it’s too good to be true, the cards clearly indicate a stability that will take its sweet time, but it will ultimately ease you into experiencing, more easily, a renewed life force. Joy.

This pile is unbelievable. I only meant to pull three cards, but five fell and three of them are the big Major Arcana energies. Honestly so extra (and I mean it as a compliment). Going back. You’ll have the time of your life, but it doesn’t just stop there. You’ll be building such an enterprise for yourself, you will end up being the boss of something. I think that, when you’ve been revitalized, your visions and creative ideas will also be brought into the light. Promising action plans and strong executions. Hot damn, you’re on fire. You’ll probably surprise yourself a lot throughout this. Blaze that trail, Pile 5. Believe me, it’s happening.

Pile 6

2 of Cups (back of the deck), Queen of Wands, The Tower, The Magician

You’ve found love this 2022. Whether it’s a romance, a trustworthy friend, a promising partnership, or an activity that makes you happy to be alive, you gained genuine connection with someone or something this year. This came at the right moment, when you needed it most, and brought you out of the dumps. A balance of give-and-take that you rarely encounter in your life. Your synchronicity with one another is effortless.

You make quite the force to be reckoned with together. I see that this connection encourages you to come out of your shell. The presence of the other party (whether an individual or an activity) strengthens your will to make a reality out of your wishes. You find new and surprising ways to make use of your resources, and your manifestation skills are skyrocketing. The possibilities are infinite. You may feel unstoppable.

This connection is not without trials and tribulations, though. There’s something significant about change here– not just a simple, day-to-day change, but radical change. For an individual connection, it could be that you’ve never been with someone like them. You may be different from one another in terms of culture and race. For an activity, you could have bonded with a craft that your peers would have found unexpected– not necessarily taboo, but quite peculiar. Either way, this connection is so fated, it can well shake your ground to its foundation. 

I really get the sense that pursuing this for the long-term could really change your life. Even if you decide not to, you still may feel as if nothing will be the same as before. What you must know, though, is that this seems to demand all-or-nothing, so you must prepare carefully should you decide to jump headfirst. I have to admit, I could sense all kinds of risks in this path, but make no mistake that there will be its share of rewards as well. Just always be discerning, Pile 6. Go for your beautiful, unpredictable, and powerful truth.

🎆 🎆 🎆 🎆 🎆 🎆

Thank you for taking the time to interact with this reading. Feel free to let me know how you thought of it! It really helps to hear about how it resonated, or not; the details that popped out to you. You are part of the magic, after all.

Stay safe!

[risnabeaute]

🫧💗✨ Self- Love Needed! 🫧💗✨

hi beautes! 👋🏻♡ ̆̈ I want to share my opinion about self love this time, because yesterday I was feel lost and confused about myself. Having a great concern for your own happiness and well-being is a sign of self-love. Taking care of your needs and not compromising your wellbeing in order to appease others are key components of self-love. Not settling for less than what you deserve is a sign of self-love. Since we all have different ways of taking care of ourselves, self-love can mean different things to different people. Determining what self-love means to you personally is crucial to your mental well-being.

For the enchantment of self-love is something you make for yourself, not something that is thrust upon you, let me ask you to do this. Settle into a calm and serene area, prepare a cup of your favorite tea or coffee, and disconnect from all potential sources of distraction. This will assist you in taking the time and care that you need for yourself. You've already taken a step toward self-love by grounding yourself in this way and giving your all to whatever comes next.

I was really sad yesterday because I feel im not loved, im not worthy of anything and everything getting worst. But I relized I have to manage and controlling myself before myself controlling me, yes that sounds so pity to me but its real. To begin with its not necessary for pursuing radical individualism in order to love myself. It also means letting people love us even when we don't feel worthy of love. Because we tend to punish ourselves severely for not being perfect at loving ourselves, handling our emotions, understanding ourselves, praising ourselves, and feeling confident about ourselves, even when we do our best to do so. We will come to understand that we are never fighting this struggle alone if we allow people in. Then I Ask for assistance what I feel.

Yes, it might be challenging to love who you are. It takes severe consideration and focused action, especially because it's quite simple to give back into feelings of self-love that are accompanied by anxiety, bitterness and and even hatred. In light of this, loving yourself calls for a great deal of courage and strength because it necessitates being honest with oneself and taking a close look at your identity and values. Accepting your flaws, errors, and all of your incorrect turns and poor judgments requires you to embrace everything about you, without exception. This is what it means to love yourself.

You have a generally favorable self-perception when you love who you are. This does not imply that you always have a favorable self-image. That's not easy at all! Accepting yourself for who you are right now, flaws and all, is the definition of self-love. It entails prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being and accepting your feelings for who you are. And then I slowly love my self, and this 3 ways what I do when I feel unloved:

1. DO NOT LOCKED YOURSELF!!

"My advice to you is please don't ever sit in your room and lock yourself away because you don't think you're good enough" -Catherine Tate

When I was upset at teenage I always locked myself in my bedroom then I cried loud, I felt empty, unloved, angry and unworthy at all. And it really sucks, Please, go outside and see beautifull world! There is one thousand reason to smile, to be grateful for what you have, it is not by compring yourself to others but believed that everyone is so beautifull, learn how to love, look for what makes you happy. Go to coffeshop and read book it really make myself better and You so.

2. Belive in Yourself!

Darling, You glow differently, trust me. The key that opens the ignition and starts the car is similar to the belief we have in ourselves. Honestly, without it, we can't get very far. Thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors that aren't in line with our objectives prevent us from moving forward, no matter how hard we try. Consequently, we either fail to accomplish our goals or we intentionally harm ourselves along the way, sometimes in ways that are evident to us and sometimes completely hidden from us. When I belived myself I feel lived, I feel everything happens for reason and I have a purpose to do. So do you are love.

3. Celebrate Yourself!

The act of appreciating who you are right now—rather than who you hope to become or who you view yourself as—is known as self-celebration. It's about standing in your own strength right now, supporting and believing in yourself. And for any cause, at any time, wherever, you can celebrate who you are. This isn't egoistic.

You know what, I used to think that Im not worth it all to celebrate every accomplishment in my life, I think others have more bigger than mine. I relise its all wrong. I have to celebrate mine too.

For example, my birthday was last month, and many people think it's ridiculous that I still celebrate in my life. Do you truly mean it when you say "it's just another day" or "presents aren't important" or "I'd rather forget it's my birthday"? No matter how strongly you believe their truth, it's your birthday, and let's be honest, everyone wants to feel recognized, even if only in modest ways. My birthday has always been a major deal for me, since I can remember, and I look for every reason to celebrate it during the entire month, as well as inviting my beloved best buddies. So there is a picture of mine when I celebrate myself. Lets celebrate ourself!!!!, xo -Risnabeautes

happiest girls are the prettiest

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒₊˚*ੈ🎀⸝⸝🍓✩‧₊˚˃̵ᴗ˂̵𓍢ִ໋🌷֒✧ ༘ ⋆｡♡✧˚ ʚɞ˚ ༘✿ ♡ ⋆｡

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

Where I Belong Series

Summary: Let’s get small glimpses of Eddie, Salem and Fox’s daily lives. No order required, read it as you wish.

Pairings: Eddie Kingston x Fox (reader), Salem (daughter)

When Fox starts doubting her self worth, Salem comes to the rescue and tell Eddie what is really going on in the Kingston’s household.

Tag: @theworldofotps , @writtingrose , @aerynscrichton , @daddyhausen , @melissahausen , @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin , @sophiewolfheart-blog , @sultryfandoms , @new-zealand-chic , @crowleysqueenofhell , @thealliasylum , @legit9thlunaticwarrior , @baysexuality , @josiewrites , @seeingstarks , @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch , @whenimakeitshine1234 , @moxkindagirl , @eddie-kingstons-wifey

Salem knew you would never tell what was going on to Eddie, that’s why she decided to take matters into her own hands.

She peeked out her bedroom window to make sure you weren’t home yet before taking the steps down to her father’s “man cave” in the basement.

Eddie was lifting some weights when Salem sat on his armchair and turned off the stereo.

“Girl, I was listening to that!”

“We need to talk” Salem crossed her arms in front of her chest as she stared at her father’s sweaty face.

“And what is so important to say that you dragged your 17-year-old ass down here to turn off my music when I finally gathered the courage to work out this week?”

“Your wife”

“What about your mom?”

“Did you know she set up an appointment with a plastic surgeon for next Thursday?”

Eddie almost choked on his water after hearing Salem’s question. “No, I did not. Why would your mom hide that from me? That makes no sense- Hang on, how the fuck do you know that?”

“I heard her on the phone yesterday morning”

“Girl, what did I tell you about eavesdropping?”

“Don’t get caught” Salem stated nonchalantly “Which I didn’t”

“Yeah, that too. But don’t do it in the family, damn it!”

“So you don’t want to know why mom called the plastic surgeon then?” Your daughter threw the bait and watched the curiosity slowly creeping into Eddie’s features.

He sighed heavily and dropped the dumbbell on the floor before sitting down on the weight bench. “Shoot”

“She wants to put on silicone. She thinks she looks unattractive and a new set of boobs will somehow make her feel better about herself again. It’s a bunch of bullshit if you ask me, it’s all that old hag’s fault! We ran into Mrs. Davis at the grocery store last week and the woman kept whining about how her husband had found himself a young mistress with a brand new set of tiddies. She then told Mom she couldn’t understand how Mom could trust you since you’re on the road all the time, and I quote, ‘with all of those young women with perky breasts, generous backsides, and thin waists. Honestly, darling, we both know your husband is quite a man - even with his rough manners - it’s the thug appeal as some people call it. Frankly, it baffles me how you’re still together, and faithfully I hope, after all these years!’. Needless to say that the old bitch’s words got into mom’s head”

“That dusty old slut had the nerve to say that to your mom? What the fuck is her problem?! My wife is gorgeous! She needs no plastic surgery! I swear to god If I see that woman…I’ll smack her on sight!”

“No wonder Mr. Davis got a new mistress, that woman is insufferable! She’s determined to make everyone’s life a living hell, Dad. She convinced Mrs. Ashton to file for divorce!”

Eddie’s eyes widened in shock. Pamela Ashton was the mother of Salem’s childhood best friend: Lily. You and Eddie have known Pamela and Benny for over 20 years now, their marriage was stable and happy, with 2 kids and a successful business. Eddie can’t remember ever hearing them fighting; both Pam and Benny had talked with Eddie many times in the past in regards to his marriage. They always counseled him and put some sense back into his head after his nerves got the best out of him and he said something stupid to you. Benny was the one who helped Eddie set up the surprise second marriage proposal at Luigi’s restaurant, and Pam was responsible to convince you to go there and listen to him. Eddie knew how much they loved each other and therefore knew they would be the last couple on earth to file for divorce.

“Why did Pam file for divorce?”

“Because Mrs. Devil pulled the same stunt she did with Mom! Except she didn’t hold back because Mrs. Ashton was alone. She was using Mr. Ashton’s new secretary as her excuse. Lily tried to convince her mom to not listen to that old bitch but she had poisoned Mrs. Ashton’s mind already”

“But why did she believe it?! Benny loves her, he’s crazy for her! He wouldn’t have an affair, that’s bullshit!” Eddie threw the empty water bottle into the trash can as Salem sighed.

“You men don’t understand, do you? You guys get old and you get praised for it! People say you look more attractive, more appealing, more charming. Aging wears men so well, your wrinkles are a signature of attractiveness but it’s not the same for women! God forbid if we ever age! People expect us to look 23 even when we reach 54. We have to battle time, wrinkles, and aging, we’re not allowed to have a natural body or be happy with how it looks because guess what? Women are supposed to look fit as fuck 24/7, even after they gave birth. We’re supposed to meet stupid beauty standards because otherwise we’re taught that we’ll get dumped and replaced like a used rag if we don’t! There’ll always be someone prettier, younger, sexier, hotter that we have to constantly overcome to still be considered good enough of a woman. That’s why Mrs. Ashton filed for divorce because she couldn’t stand the thought of her husband of over 20 years replacing her with a younger woman. After all, Mrs. Ashton already wore her best years with her husband” Salem stood up from the armchair and walked closer to the stairs before looking back at her father “That’s why mom is looking for plastic surgery, dad. Because the idea of losing you is too much for her to bear. She’s scared that your love for her has died along with her youth. You don’t notice it, but she’s been on the edge for weeks now. Look, Dad, I know you don’t mean it, ok…but you take Mom for granted, you always have, and there comes a time when a person can’t take it anymore. Sometimes we just want to be valued by the person we love. Sometimes we just want to be seen for who we are and who we became over time”.

Salem watched as tears rolled down Eddie’s face, he sniffled once and nodded “Thank you for telling me, chickadee”

“No problem. Just don’t make me regret it, old man�� She teased with a sad smile “I’m going to Lily’s for the night, gonna sleep there, ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure” Eddie stood up from the weight bench and laid a kiss on Salem’s hair “Be careful, and text me when you get there. I love you”

“I love you too, Dad”.

It was past 8 pm when you got home, the lights were off and you frowned at the quietness as you closed the front door.

“Sae? Eddie?” You called but didn’t get a response. Checking your phone to see if there were any missing calls, you found there was only one unread text from Salem:

Sae 👶: At Lily’s, gonna sleep here. Already told Dad and he gave the ok. See ya tomorrow. Love you xo.

You tossed your coat on the couch with a loud sigh “Looks like I’m alone again…As always”.

Of your daughter’s whereabouts you knew of, but your husband was nowhere to be found. Eddie didn’t pick up his phone nor answer your texts, he had nothing planned with either Mox or Monkey. Ruby also didn’t hear from him, and you knew it because you had called all of them on the way home, like a desperate wife trying to track down her cheating husband.

“I sound like a fucking fool. What a dumbass you are, Y/N. Really, how blind can you be?!” Murmuring to yourself you made your way up the stairs to your bedroom, only stopping by the hallway to retrieve a picture of you and Eddie from your dating era. You couldn’t help but smile at the picture.

Mox had taken it after your first double date, Eddie was sitting on the pull-out trunk of Moxley’s truck with you standing between his legs, he hugged you tightly from behind, chin resting on your shoulder with a big smile on his face. He had given you his denim jacket because you forgot your coat at his place. His hands rested on your hips, and you also had a huge smile on your face. Eddie had placed his white bandana on your head because he claimed you looked “extra cute" with it, but deep down you knew it was because this was his way of letting everyone know you were with him.

You both looked happy, incredibly happy, young, and free, with a fresh relationship and completely in love. It was then that you wondered when it had all changed. When did you become the distrustful wife and Eddie became the careless husband?

A single tear dropped on the picture frame’s glass, smudging the background of your love story. Your head lifted at the scent of cinnamon vanilla as you entered your bedroom.

“What’s going on?” You asked meekly, once your eyes spotted the several candles lighting up the bedroom. Eddie was dressed in one of his baggy dark jeans and a blue and white striped button-up shirt, holding a bouquet of red roses.

“Why are you crying, fox? What happened?” He quickly walked towards you. Eddie’s hand cupped your cheek and worry set upon his green eyes “You’re ok?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking…”

“Thinking about what, foxy?”

“I…I don’t know” You whispered back “What’s all this about?”

Eddie knew better than to push you to say something you weren't prepared to speak of yet, so he brushed the subject to the side before smiling softly “It’s been ages since we had some time for ourselves as a couple, so I thought why not enjoy it? Chickadee is gonna be at Lily’s until tomorrow, and I wanna enjoy the night with my beautiful wife. We deserve to have our time as a couple too, and not just as our daughter’s parents”.

You smiled and took the large bouquet in your hands “They’re beautiful, thank you”

“You’re beautiful! You’re still as gorgeous as the day we first met. And I’m even more madly in love with you now than I was when Mox took this picture” Eddie pulled the picture frame away from your grasp and placed it on top of the dresser.

“It’s always been you, fox. You were the woman I chose back then, you are the woman I choose today, and you will be the woman I’ll choose tomorrow. You’re my forever, the woman I fell in love with, the woman who taught me so much, the woman who gave me a child, a family, the only woman I’ll always want, always choose, always need, it’s you. No matter where we are or how old we are, it’ll always be you. Not even the hot nurses from the nursing home will be able to replace you, and even when they change my diapers I’ll tell them to not look too much because all of that belongs to you” Eddie joked making you chuckle against his lips “You’re so ridiculous”

He kissed you slowly, the type of kiss you hadn’t shared in months. Slow, passionate, needy, addicting.

“Salem told you about the doctor, didn’t she? I suspected she was listening to the call, she’s not as slick as she thinks” You asked once Eddie pulled back to caress your face.

“Yeah, she did. And no, that’s not the reason why I’m doing this. Chickadee told me a few things that made me realize how I was treating you, and that’s not what I want you to think, that I don’t appreciate you, love you, or don’t feel attracted to you because trust me, that’s not it! You’re a beautiful woman and you do turn me on, foxy!”

“You don't want me to have new boobs then?”

“Depends. If you want to put them on because you want them and it will make you happy then yes, I do want you to put them on. But if you’re doing it for me or because of what that old bitch said to you, then no, I don’t want you to put it on. You’re gorgeous, perfect, hot as fuck, and I love you like this, with the that body you have. But if you want to put on some new titties because it’ll make you happy and feel better about yourself, I fully support you. We’ll go to the doctor’s appointment together and see what he has to say”

“But you don’t mind if I don’t do it?”

“No, foxy. I don’t mind it at all! I love what you have, I’m more than happy with it. Completely satisfied” Eddie’s hands cupped your breasts through your shirt “I love the feeling of my natural babies over here” He squeezed your breasts “My fox is so perfect. Fuck, baby, I’m getting hard just from thinking about the things I want to do with you”

You smiled widely, placing the bouquet on the dresser by the picture frame before leaning forward and nibbling Eddie’s sensitive jawline “So what are you waiting for, Kingston?”

“Oh foxy, foxy” Eddie purred before pushing you down on the bed.

[rachelbethhines]

Things That I Use To Help Manage My ADHD and Executive Dysfunction

1. To Do Lists

I know, I know.

Making a list is boring. I lose the paper. I forget to make the to do list.

Believe me, I know.

I've been there, but trust me it does help once you get into the habit.

Here's some tips on how to get started

Try making your list in a digital app or a document file so you don't lose it

Sticky notes in a place you're sure to see them

An erasable board like a marker board or a chalkboard that you keep up in a specific place and never move. Like on the wall or the fridge.

Put "make 'to do' list" on the to do list so you don't forget to do it

Set aside a certain time to fill out or check off the list each day. Consistency is key.

Use calendars, alarms, and timers liberally to keep track of appointments and to manage your time so you don't hyper-focus on something to the determinant of more important things

But be flexible for things that don't have deadlines or appointments. Don't beat yourself up if something doesn't get done, just add it back onto the list for next time

2. Randomizers

Part of the problem with executive dysfunction is being overwhelmed by choice. So I keep a few randomizer websites booked marked that I use regularly

Wheel pickers

List randomizers

Random number generators

Like I keep my list of projects on a wheel picker app. And my chores that I don't have deadlines for on another. When making my to do list I'll spin the wheel to pick the project or chore that I'm going to work on that day.

I do the same when picking out albums to listen to or movies to watch so I don't go doom scrolling while wasting time deciding.

3. Meal Planning

Similar to the above, I take one day out of the week to draw up my meal plan for the next week.

Use this time to take stock of your pantry and fridge. What needs to get used up?

Anything special you want to fix over the week or weekend? Save the recipes to a document or leave a bookmark in your cookbook

Overwhelmed with choices or just don't know what to do with certain ingredients? Try a randomizer or an app like supercook to come up with ideas.

After you've taken inventory of your kitchen and figured out any special recipes you want to make, go ahead and fill out your grocery list

Set aside time on your to do list for shopping, meal prep, and cooking through out the week.

Pre-plan what days/times you are going to eat out or get takeout and work that into the meal plan/budget

Budget not only your money but also your time. How long will this recipe take to prep/cook? How much effort will it require of me? Is there any shortcuts I can take to make things easier, like buying my veggies already diced?

Try using an app to keep track of your meal plan, grocery list, and recipes so that they're all in one place

4. Mental Health Apps

I like Booster Buddy, but it's no longer supported for newer devices. I have also used Finch. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter which app you choose.

The point of having a program dedicated for mental health is to have a handy way to check in on yourself and see how you are feeling. Many apps will offer visual cues to allow you to break down your motivation and energy levels.

This will help give you a guideline for the day so you don't stretch yourself too thin.

A good app will also offer little suggestions and tips to help improve your mood or provide genteel reminders for small things that help with self care.

But most importantly it will help you spot patterns over time so you can better notice ongoing problems or see gradual changes as you get better.

5. Finding and Avoiding What Triggers My Dissociation

This is the hardest one.

I suffer from Maladaptive Daydreaming on top everything else which only makes my ADD and Executive Dysfunction even worse.

For others it maybe obsessive compulsion or a tendency to hyper-focus.

Things that I found that can be triggers are boredom, anxiety, isolation, health/dietary complications, and even the weather.

So here's some things I noticed that help

Set aside a certain time during the day to read/watch the news and then ignore it for the rest of the day. Yes be informed, but don't obsess.

Get your news from actual reputable news sources and not social media! Avoid algorithms feeding you negativity.

If you want to be more politically active schedule time for it, get involved with actual charities or political organizations, and then go about your regular business afterwards

Limit social media time. For me it's mornings before work for about 30mins, and then maybe an hour after work.

Curate your online experience. Block what you need to. Unfollow who you see fit. Social media should be fun not stressful.

Talk to other people! Make plans to hang out on weekends or call/text someone during the weekday. Try to make contact with another human being in some form everyday for at least a few mins, even if it's just online in a discord chat.

Have a book or notepad handy for when you get bored at work. Read, write, or draw during your downtime so you don't start staring off into space.

Keep a short list of fun things to do handy if you feel bored at home.

Set aside time to daydream/worry/plan/meditate/decompress. You need to mentally unwind at some point. The goal is to have that time per-planned so that it doesn't distract from other needed tasks. Getting into a routine with that time will also help.

Eating enough iron/vitamin C/protein ect. Food is energy and you need energy to focus. Meal planning will help with this.

TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!

Sometimes the weather will make you groggy, irritated, or anxious. There's not much you can do about this other than to accept it and just try your best.

You can however plan for bad weather ahead of time. Go to the National Weather site to find out about upcoming weather in your area and to figure what you need to be prepared for it. Try getting into the habit of doing this regularly.

[amphibiousmercurial]

An excerpt from the Essay On Self Respect by Joan Didion - Chronicler of the Zeitgeist!

To do without self-respect, on the other hand, is to be an unwilling audience of one to an interminable home movie that documents one's failings, both real and imagined, with fresh footage spliced in for each screening. There’s the glass you broke in anger, there's the hurt on X's face; watch now, this next scene, the night Y came back from Houston, see how you muff this one. To live without self-respect is to lie awake some night, beyond the reach of warm milk, phenobarbital, and the sleeping hand on the coverlet, counting up the sins of commission and omission, the trusts betrayed, the promises subtly broken, the gifts irrevocably wasted through sloth or cowardice or carelessness. However long we postpone it, we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously un- comfortable bed, the one we make ourselves. Whether or not we sleep in it depends, of course, on whether or not we respect ourselves.

To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which, for better or for worse, constitutes self-respect, is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference. If we do not respect ourselves, we are on the one hand forced to despise those who have so few resources as to consort with us, so little perception as to remain blind to our fatal weaknesses. On the other, we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out—since our self-image is untenable—their false notions of us. We flatter ourselves by thinking this compulsion to please others an attractive trait: a gift for imaginative empathy, evidence of our willingness to give. Of course we will play Francesca to Paolo, Brett Ashley to Jake, Helen Keller to anyone's Annie Sullivan: no expectation is too misplaced, no rôle too ludicrous. At the mercy of those we can not but hold in contempt, we play rôles doomed to failure before they are begun, each defeat generating fresh despair at the necessity of divining and meeting the next demand made upon us.

It is the phenomenon sometimes called alienation from self. In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the telephone, because someone might want something; that we could say no without drowning in self-reproach is an idea alien to this game. Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the spectre of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that one's sanity becomes an object of speculation among one's acquaintances. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw: one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home.

On Self-Respect: Joan Didion’s 1961 Essay from the Pages of Vogue

[oopsallsyscourse]

This post is going to be very trauma focused and will be discussing in system littles and consent when it comes to sexual acts. If this is a trigger or just too uncomfortable to read, feel free to pass on this one.

Ok, take two. About a month ago, we received an ask in response to this post.

So the ask went something like this?

"Feel free to delete this, but how can littles consent? Isn't it weird for someone to be attracted to a child part? How can they communicate their needs properly?"

Full disclaimer, not every little can and should consent. It's up the individual system whether it is a safe and healthy option for them.

Ok, answer time now.

Hi, I'm Peter. I have a small subsystem with me and a little, which I consider part of me. That little regularly engages in sexual acts with our partner system. This has been an increasingly healing process for dealing with trauma. We, as a system, have decided this is healthier for our system as a whole, as well as our little.

Now, how did we determine if this specific little could consent? Well, first, do they know what sex is? Because you can't consent to something you don't fully understand. Unfortunately, this particular little has sexual trauma, and because of that, he knows what it is. Next, would said little be negatively impacted by participating in sexual acts? Not all littles who hold sexual trauma should be participating. It can be a form of self-harm and reenacting trauma. From there, we had to determine if this particular little would benefit from this. Would it help process trauma and work towards general healing; for this little and the system as a whole. And for us, all of these were true.

Now, to the real meat of the discussion. "Isn't it weird to be attracted to a child part?"

Number 1, you have to remember that littles are not actual children. My partner isn’t attracted to a child; the attraction is physical to my body and to that parts personality, which isn’t that of a literal child.

Question number 2, "How would they communicate their needs properly?"

Easy. Communication. Again, littles are not actual children. Some can communicate just as well as any adult part. Others may need another system member to communicate their needs and boundaries.

It was very important for us to do this with someone we trusted fully; our partner system. Someone who would make frequent check-ins and would fully understand if a break or even a full stop was needed. Someone who both understood and respected our boundaries.

To wrap things up, it's important to remember that consent is an ongoing discussion. What's true at one time may not be true in another. It's important to evaluate whether things are still healthy and healing, for the system member and the system.

And for us it has been and continues to be.

[jmdbjk]

Face-off

YOONGIIIIII!!!! (doing my best JK imitation)

More about Yoongi next but right now...

I can't get Face-Off, off my mind. Jimin reinforced to us that this album was about things he was feeling and going through so naturally that colored how I interpreted the lyrics and tone of the songs on my first listen. This is what I wrote back on March 25 about it:

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. ... Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know… just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic. 

After several weeks now, after being exposed to even more promotional content and interviews and everyone else's take on the songs and album, I can't get the multiple layers of interpretation out of my head.

In one of his interviews, he said the carnival music at the beginning of Face-Off was just something he thought would be interesting. But you could also think of it as the beginning of his self-awareness... his sudden epiphany of his situation and mocking himself as a clown when he was living like a fool.

I originally felt all of the lyrics of the song were directed at himself, he was talking about betraying himself, but was it really friends or people he trusted who betrayed him?

However you want to think about the source of the betrayal, he realizes he had been a fool to trust, the song conveys an overwhelming humiliating feeling of betrayal. He was angry and hurt. And he lashed out.

We know Jimin is a deeply feeling person, so how do you escape the deep anxiety of humiliation, anger and shame? How does he erase the thought that he was too blind to see someone taking advantage of him?

He turned to drinking? He didn't want to be sober. Kill the emotions. Similar to the lyric in Like Crazy: "emotions on ice."

It seems like there was a specific day that was the climax of this betrayal... "a beautiful night" where he finds himself or maybe in other words, reaches a turning point where he can control all the turmoil, feels relief.

"Even though you test me...even though you kill me... even if you stab me more" are highly vicious and violent expressions. A determination to survive no matter how much it hurts. Could be talking to himself, his inner demons, or could be speaking about these people who betrayed him... or could be talking about haters in general.

Whatever this deeply emotional event was for him... that he wrote a song about ... I believe it impacted him in a way that significantly shapes who he is now.

The more I dwell on the lyrics, the more I think about how awful that moment in time must have been for him.

All that being said, multiple interpretations of this song live in my head simultaneously as I listen to it. For me, there is no black and white to what the song means. The meanings and interpretations flow back and forth. He created a great song with strongly emotional lyrics and I'm very proud of him.

[adrinoir]

Lukagami is still a good ship (Determination is proof)

Wow finally thought of something to write lol

DISCLAIMER: I have NOT watched any episodes beyond Kwami’s Choice: Pt 1.

***

So, I have been rooting for Luka and Kagami to get together for quite some time now. I did not see enough chemistry between the Adrigami and Lukanette ships, and I think Lukagami getting together would be so interesting, even more so after watching Determination!

Why? Hear me out.

Handling Marinette & Adrien

So, it’s been made pretty obvious these two are stuck in the middle of the whole Adrien likes Marinette and Marinette is now denying her feelings for him situation. But the funny thing is, BOTH of them CHOSE to be a part of it. They didn’t have to be but they are.

Luka encouraged Marinette to meet up with Adrien one-on-one and then went with her for extra support. Kagami did the same thing with Adrien. They both want them to get together and keep egging them on and getting involved in the process.

So, they have similar ideas and ways of handling the mess that is Adrienette lol. I appreciate that they did the same thing but in their own ways. It makes them work well together. This all brings me to my next point.

Being able to read Marinette & Adrien

Okay so their first conversation in Determination was *chef’s kiss.*

These two have this common trait of being able to read people - or at least people they care about - really well. The first conversation Luka and Kagami had one-on-one is pure proof of this.

Let me reiterate what was said:

Kagami: Adrien’s problem is that he doesn’t realize his feelings for Marinette are love.

Luka: I think it’s because he’s a kind and generous person. He loves everyone and everyone loves him back. He’s lost in a jungle of love - he can’t read the signals Marinette sends him.

Kagami: That’s true. Learning to read Marinette’s signals is a complex endeavor. It took me a lot of time.

I love how well they explained Adrien and Marinette in the matter of just a few sentences. Imagine if Luka and Kagami spent more time together. I feel like they’d have no issue figuring each other out and would be able to have deep conversations with one another.

Opposites Attract

Other than the couple of similarities I mentioned, Luka and Kagami are very different from one another. But that’s perfectly okay! As the title for this section says: Opposites attract!

In reference to Determination, just look at the difference in how they carry themselves and the different ways they encouraged Marinette and Adrien.

In this episode, Luka is his usual soft-spoken self. He has that tiny bit of a push when he talks to Marinette about going out with Adrien, but it’s not much. He mainly uses his comparisons to music to get her to understand why talking to Adrien one-on-one is so important. He didn’t make it sound like it was going to be a date, but just a meet up so she can get to know Adrien better. Plus, he didn’t push to go with her, he decided to once Marinette asked.

With Kagami, she was extremely pushy. Kagami is very direct in everything she says. So, her way of going about it had the same intentions but was approached very differently. She made Adrien ask Marinette out. Adrien was the one who switched it around to make it seem as if it wasn’t a date. He explained to Marinette over the phone that his feelings of have changed but doesn’t know in what way, and then simply asked her to simply go with him to the Grevin Museum. Kagami didn’t like that and kept directly saying throughout the episode that he loves her and is experiencing jealousy (when he saw Marinette and Luka together). Also, she immediately insisted on accompanying Adrien because she didn’t trust that he’d know what he was doing.

All that being said, this would create a good balance between Kagami and Luka if they were to date. Kagami would be the one who’s direct, Luka would be the one to soften the blow. They’d give each other different perspectives on things and have interesting conversations.

I’m just imaging if they ended up together how the confession would go. Kagami would say something like, “Luka, I’m in love with you. We should go on a date.” And Luka would be like, “That’d be great. I feel we have such different melodies, yet they sound beautiful together.” Or something even more romantic, like how he confessed his feelings to Marinette in Silencer. 

Determination aside, in other episodes involving Luka and Kagami, the differences are pretty obvious, too. In reference to my first post about Lukagami, Luka is very laidback and dismissive, his mom lets him do what he wants. Vs Kagami can be very uptight and deals with a strict mother that keeps her from doing a lot of things she enjoys. If you wanna read more of my reasons, click this to read my other post.

Anyhow, I like the possibility of this ship. I think it’d be interesting to have the two other love interests end up with each other instead of the main characters. HOWEVER, I do still love the headcanon idea of Kagami being a closeted lesbian who loves Marinette. Both ideas are great.

[dungeonmalcontent]

Psionics book propaganda, but hear me out...

The Psionics book has sort of just been shoved out there. I haven't talked about it enough. I've been really busy and exicted about a lot going on, the Grimdark & Dangerous being the primary distraction.

But I want to talk about some of the psionic features you can find in Psionics: Spellcasting & Specialties with a little more detail.

The thing I wanted to focus on most with psionic spellcasting was this idea that a person with psionic abilities would cast spells differently. Yeah, it's more or less a different route to the same destination, but that route should have something special, even if it's just good scenery. Which is why the psionic disciplines are there (though it is worth noting that the spellcasting feature for psionic spellcasting does work a little different and makes things a little more balanced for the various classes).

The disciplines narrow down on what a character's psionic abilities are; are they based on intelligence and what they know and learn, are they based on wisdom and what they understand about the world, or are they based on their charisma and their personal beliefs and self understanding. Because psionics allow you to make any class cast with any of your three mental abilities (you could have a charisma wizard, for example), it feels right to pay it off in case you lose some functionality from standard class features that might depend on a different ability than your new spellcasting one. So these disciplines generally expand the number of spells you have access to based on other unique traits your character has (languages known, skills they are proficient with, etc.) or make you a slightly more durable spellcaster when you have to invest in riskier spells.

I'm not going to write a feature that just hands a character a bunch of power at level 1 though, so it should be worth noting that psionic spellcasting has prerequisites: base 15 in the ability score you tie your psionic powers to, and your GM can increase that if you build with standard array or have power gamers in the group. But you can still get more than one psionic discipline, it just gets harder to get a second after you get a first and much harder to get the third when you have a second.

It's very fun. A little complicated, I will admit, but it is something I really want to play myself when my next home game campaign starts up.

As for the subclasses, I want to talk about my two favorites. Barbarian Path of the Psyker and Reincarnated Sorcerer. Spoilers below for details (trust me you want to keep reading).

The first is pretty easy to sum up. Psyker barbarians are similar to Warhammer Orks. They have an uncontrollable psionic talent that functions mostly in their powerful beliefs. If the barbarian believes hard enough, their psionic powers bridge the gap to their success. This means that if they think shouting extra loud when they hit someone deals more damage, they deal more damage. If they think that fancy armor makes them even harder to hit (even if it's just hide armor with extra feathers) that armor becomes more powerful. But they can also lose faith in their beliefs if they are proven wrong. Just like powerful belief can empower them, doubt can weaken them (though I wrote this more as an optional rule). But the really fun thing about this subclass is that it lets barbarians add some nuance to their rage; they can make their rage a senseless rage, a focused rage, or a determined rage. These different kinds of rage can empower different defensive capabilities and even inspire confidence in their allies. These barbarians also gain a powerful psychic roar that gets stronger when it has more minds to echo through (it can be a lot, max potential damage of… 36d8, I think) and can be incredibly debilitating against large groups of spellcasters.

Second is the reincarnated sorcerer. It's kind of what it sounds like at first but there's some nuance here. The origin of your sorcererous power is that you are the reincarnation of another powerful spellcaster (or really anyone and it has granted you spellcasting abilities and a psionic talent), but because it is power that comes from you and that you understand innately you are a different sort of spellcaster than you were in your past life. If you want to play an Avatar: The Last Airbender sort of avatar character, this class is your new best friend. You can set up some custom reincarnated spells based on what sort of spellcaster you are the reincarnation of, you can gain extra benefits for certain skills, call upon an artifact from your past life, and summon a specter of your old self (very much like Aang conjuring avatar Roku, I did not realize how avatar this subclass was until just now as I'm writing this out). And in this class, along with the other features that grant unique summons in this book, I wanted to drive home that your summoned allies aren't just you in a different form—these summons can act on their own and even defy your wishes if they have good reason (though this is more for flavor and not exactly mechanical). So, if the conjured version of your past life doesn't approve of what you've become, they might take it upon themselves to correct your path in life. (I enjoy Critical Role a great deal and I think this would be a very fun subclass if you wanted to play the reincarnation of someone like Delilah Briarwood or another powerful and now deceased NPC). And, hell, you don't even have to limit your past life to a humanoid—go full isekai, be the humanoid reincarnation of a dragon or celestial or archfey. There's a lot of fun things you can do with this subclass.

I hope I've piqued your interest in this book.

[winter-rp-memes]

TAROT THEMED QUESTIONS

The Fool; Does your muse have any big plans for the future? Something they are looking forward to? What gives them hope for a new day?

The Magician; What's an odd or unique skill your muse is particularly good at? Is it something they share often? Do they like to show it off? How did they learn it?

The High Priestess; Do they often trust their gut instinct? Is their instinct often right? How many "close calls" or bullets have been dodged? Alternatively how many times has something blown up in their face due to misreading the situation?

The Empress; Is there any important paternal figure in their life? Any person that has played a major motherly or fatherly role and influenced them greatly? Do they still have contact with them, if not why?

The Emperor; How much self control does your muse have? Are they stable and secure in themselves? Are they impatient and rooted deeply in their own insecurity? How "mature" would you say your muse is in that regard?

The Hierophant; Does your muse heavily value tradition? If so do they ever wish to teach these to the next generation? Do they have any outdated values? Do they have any interest in breaking away from tradition?

The Lovers; Does your muse have anyone important in their life? Is it a platonic, romantic or familial relationship? How long have they known this person and how deeply do they value their bond to them?

The Chariot; Would you consider your muse a determined person? Do they always set out to achieve their goals or do they give up easily? Do they brag about what they accomplish or are they more humble?

Strength; Would you consider your muse a brave person? Do they tackle danger head on or do they freeze at the sight of danger? Have they ever been "too brave" and took on more than they bargained for?

The Hermit; How does your muse handle isolation? Are they fine being alone for a long time or do they prefer the company of others? In general how sociably would you say they are?

Wheel of Fortune; Would you say your muse is lucky or unlucky? Do they have a bad habit of always getting into the worse situations no matter what or do they always pull off the most impossible stunts that seem to only be possible because of luck? Do they often rely on luck or do they only rely on their own skill, resources, etc?

Justice; Are they a fair person? Do they not mind using underhanded methods or do they always take the moral high ground? Do they feel compelled to punish rule breakers or do they not care?

The Hanged Man; What does it take for your muse to change their mind about something? Do they easily admit to being wrong or do they have to have the facts brutally beaten into them? Have they had their entire world view changed before, if so what happened?

Death; Do they believe people can change for the better? Do they believe that they can change or do they assume everyone (even themselves) are a lost cause and forever set in their ways?

Temperance; Are they good at balancing certain elements of their life? In general, how organized or unorganized are they? Do they have a healthy balance between work, school, family, and other important things in their life or is it all just a mess?

The Devil; Do they have any vices? Do they drink, smoke or something else? Do they get easily addicted or have any guilty pleasures that they're ashamed of?

The Tower; What's the biggest disaster they've had to face so far? How did they handle it? How long did it take them to recover? Are they still recovering or have they moved on more or less?

The Star; Are they a hopeful person at their core? Do they naturally look at the bright side of things or do they just naturally think the worse thing will always happen?

The Moon; What scares your muse? Do they have any phobias? Is there something that caused said fear and anxiety or has it always just been a natural part of them?

The Sun; What do they do for fun? Do they have any hobbies? What's something that never fails to put them in a good mood?

Judgment; How quick are they to judge others? Do they give them a lot of second chances or do they go off first impression alone always? Are they a forgive and forget type? A forgive but never forget type?

The World; Does your muse like to travel? Do they do it often? What places have they visited? What places do they want to visit? Do they have any fun stories about their travels? Do they mainly travel for pleasure or is it always strictly for personal and/or business reasons?

[shelfwar]

Warnings: self-harm, panic/ anxiety attacks, hurtful thoughts, FLUFF 18+

Slider X Reader ●Love you to bits●

Emptiness is all you felt as the sun started to shine through the room for a very uneventful day for you, that is. Suddenly you felt a  arm around your waist grow tighter as he pulled you to him slowly, with a slight groan he let out. "Your up early." He said huskily with sigh. "I know, did I wake you?" "No, my alarms gonna go off here in a bit." "Mm"

"You okay?" You could feel Slider prop his head up with his elbow staring down at you, like you were the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. But you didn't see the things he saw that absolutely adored him, all you saw was a shy girl who hates herself and life in general.

Growing up you didn't have much friends or family to lean on, so you kept to yourself cause you didn't want to make a big deal out of your personal problems. Which lead you to have depression and its best friend anxiety, they controlled your life until you met Slider.

Slider was determined to talk to you that night that you met, but being a stubborn shy person you shut him out. That was until he realized it would take some time to get to know you, or you should say warm up to talking.

"Hi, can I sit here miss?" You looked over at a man that was tall and very handsome to say the least. He sported the usual white navy shirt with pants along with a class ring.

"Uh, sure." The man sat down on the bar stool next to you as you fiddled with your fingers.

"I'm Ron Kerner, I'm a student at top gun." He said as he gazed your way, waiting for an answer. " I'm y/n, I'm a vet tech." You let out a small giggle. "Well, nice to meet you y/n. Say can I buy you a drink." You nodded your head as he called for the bartenders attention. "What can I get cha?" "I'll take a rum and coke" "Sure, and miss what would you like?" "Uh, could I have the same thing?" "Sure two rum and cokes coming up."

"You don't seem like a rum and coke kinda gal?" "Surprise. I guess" You both let out a chuckle.

After that night the same thing happened almost every Saturday night, soon turning into normal conversations like you trusted him enough to call him your friend. But one night he didn't show, which frightened you cause you thought you did something wrong. So the what ifs came bubbling into your thoughts clouding everything around you, that was until you felt his hand on your shoulder.

With a jump, you slowly looked over and saw him still in his flight suit, helmet and all. "Sorry, I was late. We just got back from a mission." "It's ok, I was worried." You softly said as you looked away. "Hey, I'm here, I'm alive." "Don't say that." "It's all part of the job darling."

That night he saw the anxiety that you tried to hide, and he sorta thought it was adorable that you cared about him.

"You sure?" You rolled over so that you could face him and nodded. "I'm fine really." He looked down at you and kissed your forehead with a sigh. "Okay. I love you, you know that right?" "Yes Slider, I know." You gave him a small smile, as you snuggled up into his chest. That was the the fakest fucking smile you've ever done since meeting him, and he bought it.

Slider cradled your body against his relishing the moment, never wanting it to end. His alarm started making noises as he groaned and smacked it with a thud. "Well, I better get ready." "Okay." He leaned down and captured your lips with his, as small smacking noises were heard from each other's lips.

"Slider let's go, we're gonna be late!" He broke the kiss and smiled. "I love you." "I love you, to." "Have a good day." "I will, stay safe." "You know it darlin." Slider got up from bed and grabbed his clothes before leaving the room.

Once you knew the house was vacant, you got up and walked to the kitchen. Grabbing the phone you dialed your works phone number and explained to them that you weren't feeling to hot. They wished you well and hung up. After that was done the water works started flowing from your eyes as you fell to the ground holding yourself, to have some sort of comfort.

You then started to hyperventilate, great a good ol panic attack. You started to ground yourself with your scenes. 1) Smell, you smell Sliders cologne. 2) Taste, you taste your bad breath. 3) Feel, you ran your fingers across the linoleum floor. 4) Hear, the birds chirping. 5)Sight, you saw your work shoes. You took a deep breath and slowly got up and headed to your room. From there you dug out some sport shorts along with a light t-shirt along with your underwear and bra. You walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower making sure it was warm enough for you, whilst taking off your clothes

Once you stepped inside you slid down to the ground and sobbed. Why did Slider choose you out of every girl he has ever met. Why did he like your body, does he hate it? Oh god what about my mental health, or when shark week happens. You didn't deserve you, he's been playing this whole relationship like a game, yeah everything was fake!

You remembered when you had your first panic attack in front of Slider. It was the day before he left to go on the aircraft carrier. You sat on the bathroom floor sobbing, in the middle of the night hoping he wouldn't  hear your cries, but he did.

"Baby? Is everything okay?" "Ye-ye-yes. Everything's okay." "It doesn't sound like it." You heard the doorknob shake as the creak of the door sounded. You could feel his presence as he walked down over to you. "Y/n, talk to me." "Ron, I'm fine." "Well, clearly your not. Please talk to me." You opened your eyes to see him crisscrossed in front of you with a worried expression.

"I'm worried." "Bout what?" "I dunno, what-what if you don't back." "Love I'll always come back." "Slider." Slider reached for you as you crawled onto his lap, as he cradled you. "I know, the job is dangerous but I wanna do what's best for us and the country." "I know, I know. I'm just over thinking things."  You hiccuped as it became harder to breath.. "It's okay, I know you worry about me all the time. Breathe baby, thats it. You followedhis instruction. " "Slider, I'm sorry." "Hey, there's no reason to be sorry." He made you look up at him holding your cheeks in his hands, while whipping the tears away.

"I think I love you." You whispered. "Say that again?" "I said I think I love you." Slider gave you a big grin as he hugged you.

Inside your brain there is a harsh battle occurring, Slider loves me, he cares for me, he's my soulmate. Slider hates you, you mean nothing to him, your just there. "STOP!" You screeched as you gripped the roots of your hair, relishing the pain that grew. No, you can't hurt yourself, just move on.

Your hands shakily removed themselves from your head as you got up and turned off the shower. "Shower didn't work." You sighed as you put back on your clothes and headed to your room. When you arrived you started searching for the last and only resort; a weighted blanket. When you found it you heaved it onto the bed were you then got underneath the covers, whist covering yourself up with the heavy blanket. "Ahhh, much better." You nuzzled your nose into Sliders pillow in hopes of keeping you at bay, in which it did. The world around you started to get hazy as you started to fall asleep.

After a long day of training and flying Slider just wanted to get home to see you, but against his will the group of pilots went out to have a couple of drinks. He knew something was off with you this morning, you didn't say goodbye to him and Iceman, you didn't get ready for work. Yeah something was definitely off with you.

"Hey, guys I wanna head back home." "Aw come on man the night is still young!" Hollywood said as he clapped Sliders back. "Yeah, come on Slider." "Maverick don't challenge him." Goose said to his best friend. "Yeah, don't challenge me." Slider took a shot before paying his tab and leaving the stuffy bar.

When he arrived at the house, he noticed that all the lights were off, indicating that A) you were home or B) you were still at work. So he climbed up the stairs and unlocked the doors to hear a soft cry coming from your bedroom.

Again another panic attack plagued slumber, worse then all you've had. You shot up in bed gripping the bed sheets beneath you, for dear life as you started to hyperventilate hard.

Footsteps bounded down the corridor, when you looked up you saw a blurry Slider. "Y/n?" Your cries grew louder, as he approached your shaking body next to you.

By now Slider didn't know what to do, he's never ever seen you this upset, the hyperventilating grew harder as you now clawed at your skin. "Hey, stop." You felt his hands ingulf your sweaty hands. Slider tried to think of things to help you, but things just didn't click. "I- cant- can't breathe." You sobbed.

Instinctively he picked you up and cradled you. "Breathe, please take a deep breath in and out." You listened to him as your breathing slowly went back to normal. "Easy, love, easy. I've got you, your okay. I promise." "I-" "It's okay, don't be sorry love."

After about an hour of him calming you down he kissed your forehead. "You scared me." He whispered into your forehead. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened." "It's okay." "Ron." "Yeah?" He looked down at your tear stained cheeks, in which he fell more in love with you. "Do you love me?" "Of course I love you?"

"Bad thoughts were loud today." "I could tell." He started to rub your cheek ever so softly, as you  melted into his touch. "One of the worst anxiety attacks I've had." You swallowed your tears. "Thank you." "For what love?" "Seeing past my flaws." "What flaws love? I don't see any." "Sure." "What I see is a beautiful women, that is strong and to good for me." "Really?"

"Yeah, really. You are a strong women. I mean you have your battles everyday. That's strong." You smiled as you sat up in his lap. "You okay?" You nodded as you held onto him. "Just need you." "Okay. Lemme get changed." "Okay." Slider gave you a quick peck on the cheek before getting and sheding everything but his boxers.

You started to get comfortable under the warm covers as you felt his body slide up behind you, whilst wrapping his arms around you. You let out a sigh in content as started to relax. "Sleep tight love." "Mm, you to." He kissed your neck before settling in for the night.