#sometimes it gets to the point where i have a serious sit down with myself to make absolutely SURE that im asexual

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part eleven

authors note: hi! i'm super sorry for the cliffhanger! i just have this thing where i need sections to be cohesive, and this chapter is much heavier than the previous, so i didn't wanna boggle ya'll down with all that angst!

i've also been thinking about the length of this story. currently, in terms of story timeline, we're at the very end of december 23', and i have ideas for up to may 24'. well, beyond that, but i don't want things to get stale, so i can end it around that time or keep it going? just curious because i don't want it to play out so long that it bores anyone. if that makes sense. just lmk.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: angsttttt (parental neglect, abandonment, trauma) language, alcohol consumption, suggestive themes, some fluff

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 6.2k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

You knew as soon as he walked in that something was up.

In getting to know Joe, you’d also learned that he was, surprisingly, on the quiet side. He spoke with you, of course, but you learned he leaned more towards introverted than extroverted. It was kind of sweet and pretty surprising. But, you’d also learned there was a difference between him being his sometimes quiet self and when something was off, and something was definitely off.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to fuck it out of you?” He rolls his eyes, not even showing any excitement at the idea of fucking you. Yeah, something was definitely wrong. “Seriously, what’s up?”

He shrugs, playing it off clearly. “Just tired. Back to back matches.” 

That's when you realize what it is. “You’re hurt, aren’t you?” He shakes his head, dismissively, and you cross your arms. “Take your shirt off.”

“What?”

“Take it off, or I’ll climb your big ass and take it off myself.” Joe blows out a breath. He has to know you’re dead serious. So, wordlessly, he lifts his shirt over his head and turns around. 

You gasp almost immediately. “What the actual fuck?” Your hand reaches to touch him, but you stop yourself, knowing that his skin must be sensitive to the touch. His back is inflamed, red welts spread in different areas with a nasty bruise that looks like a borderline hematoma and other various cuts. 

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Shaking your head, you point to your room. “Go sit and wait for me on the bed.” He opens his mouth, and you lift a finger. “I don’t want to hear it. Get in there now.”

Surprisingly, he follows suit, and you start to move about, gathering the necessary supplies. Along the way, you experience a plethora of emotions but mostly bounce back and forth between irritation and concern. 

You’re irritated that he didn’t just come out and say that he was hurt. You’re also concerned because he’s obviously in pain, and that bothers you. He doesn’t have to be, he didn’t have to be if he just said something. 

Stubborn asshole. 

With everything needed and placed in a cloth bag, you walk into your room and stretch your hand out to him. “Take this.”

Joe looks down at your open palm with a single pink pill. “What the hell is it?”

“Coke,” you answer with a straight face. Rolling your eyes, you answer, “Benadryl. It’ll help with the inflammation of the welts.”

“It’ll also knock me out.”

“We’ll we’re obviously not fucking with your back all messed up, so what else are you going to do?”

“Who said we can’t fuck?”

You sigh. “Joe, if you don’t just take this goddamn pill. With your size, you probably should take two, but I’m trying to be nice by only giving you one, so accept my kindness and swallow this damn pill or I’ll shove it down your throat.” 

He sucks his teeth but also takes the pill from you followed by the water bottle tucked under your arm. “You’re a terrible nurse.”

“And you’re an awful patient. At least we’re both on the same page.” You wait for him to swallow it before taking the bottle from him. “Good, now lay on your stomach.”

He lifts his brow, asking, “why?”

“Oh my god, you’re as bad as my students.” Men when they’re sick or not feeling well are a special kind of torture you’re not sure why exactly you’re subjecting yourself to right now. “Just do it, please. I’m trying to help you here.”

He just looks at you, as if he has something else to say, probably so. But, he surprises you by staying silent and following your instructions. 

Pleased, you climb on top of him, sitting on his ass to avoid irritating his already sensitive skin. “Okay, now this may hurt a little bit at first—”

He makes a sound underneath you. “Can’t hurt anymore than it already does.”

“If you had said something sooner, I could have helped you before now,” you scold, dropping the bag on the bed beside ya’ll. Men and their tendency to downplay pain will never cease to amaze you. The minute you start getting hit with cramps, you pop an ibuprofen.

“It’s not that big a deal.”

“You’re in pain. That’s always a big deal.” Pulling out the ointment, you dab enough to your hand and start carefully massaging it into the welts. He hisses at your touch and you murmur an apology but don’t stop. It’s short term discomfort for long term benefits. 

“What is this?” He asks.

“Calamine lotion,” you answer, adding on. “I have hydrocortisone too, but my grandma always said calamine works just as well without getting into your bloodstream. Don’t know how true it is, but it always worked for me, so it’ll work for you.”

He chuckles. “She sounded fun.”

Instantly, a smile is on your face as you continue to treat him. “Always. Summers with her were always the highlight of my year.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, and you continue to work the lotion into his skin. Once pleased with the application, you move on to the next part. “Alright, I’m gonna apply some cold compresses. You’ll probably be out in another 20 minutes, so just leave em’ on, and I’ll come change em’ out while you’re sleeping.”

When he doesn’t push back, you pull the compresses out of your bag and strategically place them on different areas of his back to maximize the comfort. Once finished, you climb off of him and go to close up the blinds and curtains. “Alright, get some rest.” 

You’re at the doorway when he says your name. “Yeah?”

A slight delay before he says, genuinely, “thank you.” 

There’s something meaningful beyond just the obvious, and it brings a small smile to your face. Not that he can see that. So you settle on, “of course. You’re no good to me if you can’t fuck me.”

He laughs, loudly. “Shut up.”

Smile widening, you close the door.  ________

Joe finds you a couple hours later in the kitchen, but it’s the state of you that gives him a pause and brings a smile to his face.

You’re dancing around, clad in one of his shirts and short shorts that your ass swallows up. Brief glimpses of your side profile reveal that you’re singing too, just in a low enough voice, probably not to disturb you. 

He doesn’t know the specific song, but the voice is familiar enough for him to know it’s Taylor Swift. That definitely surprises him, though it shouldn’t. You have a weird ass taste in music to where he’s found you in the shower listening to some random rock song, other times, it was throwback R&B.

You were just so….different from anyone he’s ever known. 

It’s one of the many reasons he’s so enamored with you.

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

'Cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile

It’s when you turn around, mid bite on a cookie that you finally notice his presence, smiling. “Hey. You’re up.”

“I am.” He nods, walking over to you. He gestures around the kitchen. “What is all this?” 

You finish chewing and swallow before directing Alexa to pause the music. “Well, I finished my lesson planning and was bored, so I decided to bake. But then I got hungry for actual food, so I ordered takeout.”

“And the music?”

You shrug, taking another bite of your cookie. “I like the song. Don’t worry, it’s the only Taylor Swift song allowed in this African American household.”

He laughs and moves past you when you take the chance to assess his back, immediately noticing how the swelling and redness have decreased. “How you feeling?”

“Better,” he answers, moving to the cartons, seeing that you made sure to order his favorites as well. “Thanks again.”

Smirking, you climb on the island, locking your ankles together. “Not so terrible nurse after all then, huh?”

“Your bedside manners still suck.” 

“Shut up.” You watch him fix his food and when he gets ready to sit down on a bar stool, you hop off the counter, prompting, “come with me.”

“Where?”

“All these damn questions….” Grabbing a couple of cookies and placing them in a bowl, you find your sandals and slide them on your feet. “Just come on.”

“Let me at least put a shirt on.”

“Absolutely not. You need to let your skin breathe,” you lecture, taking him in, all of him. “Trust me, no one’s gonna see us, and even if they did, who the hell would complain about you being shirtless?”

Snatching the keys off the table, you open the door, allowing him to walk out first. You start to leave your door unlocked but decide against it. It’s an extremely safe town, but there’s always a first time for everything. 

Locking it, you motion for him to follow you up the two sets of steps until reaching the heavy door that you turn the knob left and then right in order to open it. Joe’s immediately hit with a nice breeze and diminishing sunlight as the evening sets in.

“Come on,” you usher him to follow you to your favorite spot, sitting down and patting down on the ground next to you.

Joe chuckles, following suit. “Seriously?”

You ignore him, pushing on his shoulder as he brings his plate in front of him to eat. “I like to come out here sometimes to just get away. Especially if I need to clear my head. My grandma used to always say the closer you are to Heaven, the clearer you can hear God’s voice.”

He just watches you, the way the wind blows at your curls, making them splash at your face. Everything about you has always been stunning to him, but in this moment where you sit so relaxed and unbothered, he’s never thought you looked more beautiful. 

“Plus, you obviously need to clear your head to bounce back from that ass whooping,” you snort, taking another bite of your cookie. One look at Joe’s scowl makes you giggle. “On one hand, it’s crazy to me you put your body through so much, but I also recognize your passion and dedication. So, I get it. I was an athlete too. Love of the game type shit.”

You can’t say that you would have ever continued to cheer if it left you the way Joe would come to you sometimes, but as someone who’s been in a similar situation, you understand it. And it’s so much more than just a job to him. It’s a legacy, in his bloodline. All he knows.

All he wants.

So, you support him.

You’ll always support him.

________

There’s the initial chaos that ensues in the minutes after your departure. Callie’s confusion. Joe’s confusion. Bianca’s utter confusion. And as Callie is right there, Joe can’t go immediately after you. He can’t and won’t leave her, so he does the best he can, offering apologies to Bianca and Co. before taking Callie and finding your mom who was catching up with an old friend in another part of the show.

He has some level of difficulty explaining what happened, other than the fact that you’d run off and he needed to find you. It’s really all of the information that he has to go off of, and when he’s finally able to get back to the apartment where he thinks you probably went. He's disappointed to find it empty. There’s brief moment of panic. 

Just where the hell would you go?

He pulls out his phone to check again if you’ll pick up, but it goes straight to voicemail. He then starts to call your mom to ask her if she had any idea where you would be when he thinks about what happened. You were upset, very much so. 

You needed to clear your head.

He knows exactly where you are.

On that same roof he sat on with you years prior is where Joe finds you, but what he doesn’t expect is the bottle of Hennessy that’s not only open but already halfway empty and sitting beside you. 

He doesn’t try to hide his presence and is unsurprised when you ask, “How’d you find me?” 

“Wasn’t that hard,” he answers. It wasn’t. He remembers almost everything you’ve ever told him about yourself, including how this spot has always been your place to escape.

Just what were you escaping from is what has him stumped.

“Sit down.” You pat the space beside you much harder than what’s necessary. He sighs and asks for a minute, pulling out the phone and stepping away to make a call.

Your mom answers on the third ring. “Did you find her?”

“Yeah,” Joe runs his hand over his face. “I got her, but….can you take Callie back to your place?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

He looks over again at the bottle. “She’s drunk.”

“Drunk?” It sounds like she’s holding back a chuckle, like his words are humorous because everyone knows you don’t drink, and she says as such. “What do you mean she’s drunk? My child doesn’t even drink.”

“She did tonight” Joe’s eyes fall back over to you to see you still sitting, swaying slightly as if listening to music. There is no music. “And Callie doesn’t need to see her like this.” He especially knows you wouldn’t want her to see you like this. 

Your mom sighs, heavily, on the other end. “You’ll stay with her, right?”

“Of course.” That’s not even a question. “And once I get her settled, if Callie is still up—”

“Oh, she’ll be up. She can’t fall asleep unless she talks to you or her mama.” It feels like an inappropriate response, but there’s a small part of Joe that finds joy in this. He remembers when you mentioned to him before that Callie needed to see and/or speak to you before she could fall asleep, a sign of how closely bonded you two were. To be added to that category means everything to him. “Thank you, Joseph.”

He sees no need in being thanked but acknowledges your mom’s appreciation anyway. “Of course.” The call ends, and he brings his focus back to you. The first thing he does is take away the bottle of Henny.

You see this and instantly scowl. “You’re no fun.” 

He sits next to you, asking in a quiet voice, “what happened tonight, Y/N?” Joe is still utterly confused at all of this, your zero to one hundred change in demeanor. But, the fact that you resulted to drinking shows him just how heavy whatever it was has impacted you. “Talk to me.” 

You laugh, but there isn’t an ounce of humor. “God, where do I start?” Your eyes light up, as if realizing something. “Oooh. I know where.” You lean into his shoulder, whispering, “I’m the product of an affair.”

This piece of information definitely takes him by surprise.

He's noticed you've never talked about your father, and he's never asked. Obviously, it was a sensitive topic, that much he could garner. But now, he knows just why it was sensitive.

“I don't—I don't know exactly what happened between them. She’s never really talked about it, but I do remember when I was younger, maybe—maybe a couple years older than Callie, he was—he was at the house.” You swallow, and Joe can see the distance in your eyes, like you’re no longer sitting here beside him. But someplace else. “She told me to go to my room, but I snooped at the top of the steps. Don’t….don’t really remember everything that was said except that she was literally begging this man to have some type of relationship with me, and he refused.” You laugh suddenly, and it’s so out of place, doesn't make sense given the nature of the conversation. But it does if he factors in the liquor coursing through your system. “He called me a m–mistake.”

Joe's heart aches at your words. “Baby—”

“When I was sixteen years old, I worked at a clothing store in town, and I saved up my money for this necklace…it was gold, and I thought—I thought it was so pretty. It made me feel fancy.” You chuckle, not as humorous this time, head tilting. “And once I finally got the necklace, I drove—I drove an hour away because…because after all those years, I still….I wanted to meet my father. I wanted…I wanted him to be in my life.” 

“He’s uh—or was, I’m not sure anymore—captain of police in his town, so I went to the precinct to meet him, wearing that necklace that I worked months to save up for because…because I wanted to look nice. I remember walking into his office, and I was nervous, but—but I also figured there was no way he could reject me then. I—I was head cheerleader. A straight A student. I—I had just gotten a near perfect score on both my SAT and ACT. I was…I was a good kid, Joe.”

Your jaw fixes, and he can see you’re trying to hold back tears. It kills him to see you this upset. He’s never seen you this vulnerable. “And I—I told him all that. I told him I wanted to see if he wanted a relationship with me, and do you know what he told me?” You suddenly stand up, clearly intending to mimic this interaction. “A relationship? Why would I want a relationship with you? You’re not even supposed to exist.” 

You giggle, eyes watering. Joe frowns. He can’t even begin to fathom how someone can say something like that to their own flesh and blood.

“Oh, but that’s not even the best part.” You’re doing one hell of a job playing this all off as something that isn’t impacting you, no doubt thanks to the alcohol. But, he knows you well enough to know and even see where this is headed. “He—” you hiccup, covering your mouth to hide your giggles. “He said again that I was a mistake that he paid my mom to take care of and—” It’s starting to crack, the alcohol induced facade that all of this is fine, that you don’t care. Your voice starts to catch. “---that the money he gave her for an abortion was the biggest waste of money he ever spent.”

“Y/N—”

“Minutes later, his wife walked in and then—and then his daughter walked in, and I—I ran. I couldn’t….I couldn’t—we looked the same age, Joe. He had a daughter already, he–he didn’t need me. He didn't—he didn’t want me.” You sniffle, wiping at your eyes. “And that’s fine, I—I didn’t care. I—I blocked that out after that day. I’d—I’d forgotten about him.” A beat. “Until tonight.”

“Because—because for the first time since I was sixteen years old, I was in front of all of them again. My—my—father, his wife, my—-”

Joe starts putting the pieces together. “Bianca….”

“She’s my sister,” you answer for him, having a hard time keeping it all in at this point. “She’s the one he’s proud of. She’s the one whose kid he claims as his grandchild. She’s the one he acknowledges. I’m just—I’m just the mistake he wishes was never born.” 

Joe stands up, gradually moving toward you. 

“I did everything right. I stayed out of trouble. I went to school. I got my degree. I did—-” He’s in front of you, gently pulling you into him as you finally break. “I don’t understand why he didn’t want me. I’m his daughter.” you finally shatter, crying into his chest. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Hey, hey—” Joe brings his hands to your face, making you look at him. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman, and I can’t even begin to describe how amazing of a mother you are.” He wipes away your tears as you clutch onto his shirt. “He doesn’t deserve you, baby. He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. He never did, and he never will. Fuck him. You don’t need shit from him. I’ve got you, okay? Always.” You allow him to hold you, to comfort you, because it’s just what you need in this moment. You tried to find it in solitude, tried to find it at the bottom of a liquor bottle, but it was all in vain. You just needed him.

Joe holds you as long as you allow him, letting you cry it out until he's eventually able to guide you into returning to your apartment.

But outside the door is when you hesitate.

He notices this, immediately asking, “what’s wrong?”

Your eyes start watering again. “Callie…I—I don’t want her to—”

He shakes his head, kissing the top of your head. “I asked your mom to take her back to her place. I’ll go check on her after I get you straight.”

This seems to settle some of your anxiety, and he continues to guide you into your bedroom. He helps you out of your clothes and into a simple t-shirt that he recognizes as one of his own.

Joe moves all of your decorative pillows, placing them on the chair in the corner of your room as you pull back the blankets. He turns around to find you reaching for his hand, tugging him towards the bed. “Just—just until I fall asleep.”

He doesn’t object. Joe planned to stay with you until then anyway.

He undresses enough to climb into bed with you, and you waste no time burying yourself into his chest, feeling an instant sense of peace when he wraps his strong arms around you. You’ve always felt so safe and protected in his embrace, and in this moment, it’s everything you need. 

“I realized something tonight,” you mumble into his skin. Joe’s hand is under your shirt, hand moving soothing circles on the small of your back. “I—I didn’t keep Callie from you because of your wife. That was part of the reason, but it wasn’t the main reason.” You lift your head, throat feeling pressured as you allow yourself to finally admit, “the truth is that I was terrified you would reject her the way my dad rejected me, and I never wanted her to feel that way. And I know now that you would never do that to her, but I—I didn’t know then, and I was so wrong, and I’m so sorry. I—”

“Hey—” He cuts you off, hand going to palm your cheek. “Don’t do that. I understand why you did it now, I do. You were trying to protect her. I can’t be upset with you for that. I’m not.” He studies your face, your eyes, always so beautiful to him. “I don’t think I could ever be mad at you for too long.”

It’s not a lie. Joe’s always thought he’s known you like the back of his hand, learned you so well, but tonight has shown him that he didn’t know everything. He’ll never get back the time he missed out on with Callie, and maybe on some level there will always be a slither of resentment. But, it’s not enough for him to notice and most definitely not enough for him to actually feel.

He’s not quite sure how he could find it in him to hold your decision against you. It didn’t come from a place of selfishness or vindictiveness but love and protectiveness. You just wanted to keep her from experiencing the pain and trauma you’d endured. 

There was no faulting that. 

And you accept his grace, so understanding and considerate. You feel slightly undeserving but immensely grateful that he can extend such empathy. 

You’re quiet after that, eyes shut as you work to turn off your brain and decompress what’s inarguably been one of the most difficult days of your life. You’re almost in the early stages of sleep when his voice invades the quietness. 

“I love you.” Joe doesn’t feel any sort of movement at his confession, doesn’t feel you tense or relax. He’s not even sure if you’re still awake, but still, he continues. “I’ve always loved you, and I don’t even know how much of this you’ll remember tomorrow, but that doesn’t matter because I’ve always imagined telling you under much different circumstances anyway.”

“I want to be with you,” he continues. “I’ve always wanted to be with you, and I’m sorry for not putting you first. You deserved better than that. I should have gotten divorced long before I even met you. And that’s….something we eventually need to talk about. I owe you that much.”

He wants to say more, so much more, but he also knows now is not the time given he’s almost certain you’re asleep. Hence why he finally slips out of bed, knowing he needs to check on Callie.

He doesn’t leave without caressing your cheek and kissing your temple, relieved that you’re finally getting some rest following what was inexplicably an emotionally draining day. 

But you’re not asleep, and you did hear it.

You heard it all.

________

“Who are you?”

Joe walked into your moms house, not expecting anyone other than your mom and Callie. Only one of those individuals are present, and the other is a man he’s never in his life seen before but automatically doesn’t like. Just his aura seems off. 

Joe especially hates that this man is in the same house as his little girl.

Your mom seems taken back by this side of him and explains, “Joe, this is Amir. He’s, uhh, an old friend of Y/N. He saw her run off and wanted to check in on her.”

The day's events are definitely a contributing factor as Joe feels exhausted, both mentally and physically, but hearing that this is the infamous Amir instantly angers him. What the hell is he doing here?

“You bold as hell coming here.” is all Joe says, redirecting his attention to your mom. “Y/N tell you that she found out he and Mariah been sleeping with each other?”

What he wants to say is that they’ve been fucking, but he wants to remain respectful. Even if it is hard as hell.

Your mom is looking, mouth ajar, between Joe and Amir. “Wh–what is he talking about, Amir?”

“So you’re the one that’s been feeding those lies into her.” Deflection. It’s a typical bitch move. “You talking a lot of shit for someone who abandoned his own kid and just came back on the scene like ain't nothing happened.”

If not for the fact that you’ve already explained to Joe that you’d never told Amir what really happened between you and him because it was none of his business, Joe would have been livid. He would never abandon you. And definitely never Callie. Ever.

He’d have been with you every fucking step of the way the minute you found out you were pregnant if he’d been given the chance.

But all of that is no business of this asshole’s. 

“You can say or think whatever the hell you want about me. It doesn’t matter. You’re irrelevant, regardless, so the same way you walked your ass in here is the same way you can walk your ass right on out.”

“Apparently not to Y/N.” He’s smug, and it takes a tremendous amount of willpower for Joe to not lay this man out right then and there. He doesn’t know why you would ever settle for the likes of this prick. “Not with how many times she ended up in my bed.” 

Joe partially forgot your mom was even in the same vicinity until she gasps loudly, clearly disgusted, “my Lord. Please, this is my daughter you’re speaking about.”

With a low chuckle, Joe tries his best to remain respectful yet still abundantly clear. “And how many times has she reached out to you since I’ve been back?” His silence is all the answer Joe needs, not that he really needs one at all. Joe knows you have eyes and desire for him and him alone. He just needs to prove a point to this motherfucker. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend and especially my daughter, cause the next time it won’t be no conversation.”

And before Amir can say or even, stupidly, do anything, a new smaller voice enters the scene.

“Daddy!”

Joe is unsure if he’ll ever get over the joy that fills him at being called that. Callie is at the top of the steps but proceeds to rush down when she sees him, Joe leaning down and catching her, picking her up.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He kisses her cheek, noticing almost immediately how tired she looks. Understandable, as it’s almost 11 o’ clock, far past her bedtime. Uncomfortable with this Amari or whatever the fuck his name is being so close to Callie, Joe starts leading her back up the stairs.

With a frown, she asks the question he was expecting. “Where’s mommy?” 

“She’s back at the apartment sleeping.” Joe is unsure just how to explain tonight’s events to Callie, not really knowing how to help her understand what occurred, if at all possible. “I’ll take you to see her tomorrow morning as soon as she wakes up.”

Joe walks her into her room at your mom’s place and seats her on the bed, sitting next to her. “What’s wrong with her?”

Such a simple question in wording and massively difficult in every other area, especially when one considers Callie’s young age. 

“Mommy saw someone who was very mean to her when she was little, and it made her sad, so….she just wanted to be alone.” It’s the best, simplest answer that’s not a lie he can come up with on the spot.

Callie’s frown deepens. “I don’t want mommy to be sad.”

“Neither do I, baby,” he murmurs. “But, I talked with her, and she should start feeling better soon, okay?”

Her frown diminishes slightly, and Joe can tell she’s in thought. She then asks, “are you gonna go stay with mommy tonight?”

“I was, but I can stay with you, if you want me to.” Joe knows you’ll probably sleep throughout the night because of the alcohol and more importantly, if Callie needs him, he’s there. No questions asked.

You would do the same. 

She suddenly shakes her head. “Mommy stays with me when I’m sad, so someone’s gotta stay with her while she’s sad.” Her face grows sullen again as she asks with a yawn, “do you still have to leave tomorrow morning?”

“No, I leave tomorrow night instead.”

In the midst of all of tonight’s chaos, he’d managed to switch flights, picking an evening one instead. Joe let Hunter know there was a family emergency, and that he’d be back later than initially expected. Hunter was understanding, and while he was grateful for that, it didn’t really make a difference.

You and Callie come first. 

She’s obviously partially pleased with this information and moves her body against his, laying her head on his arm. “I’m sleepy….”

Reaching to caress her cheek with his finger, he directs, “get some rest, Callie. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

She doesn’t say anything, just closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long for sleep to overtake her, a mere matter of minutes really. He stays with her longer though, just to be sure, needing to know she’s okay.

He needs both of yall to be okay.

________

You wake up with an instant sense of unease and discomfort. Your head is throbbing, and your body feels heavy. Your chest feels pressured, like there’s some invisible weight on it.

But in a matter of seconds, it all comes rushing back to you. The fireworks. Bianca. Seeing your dad. Running. Drinking. 

"I love you."

Eyes shutting, you do your best to settle your brain because only one thing is at the front of your mind when you hear giggling coming from outside of your closed door.

Callie 

Just how in the hell did your brief mental breakdown affect your child? 

Pushing the blankets off, it’s then you notice the bottle of water and white pill sitting on your nightstand. Picking it up, you see it’s Advil.

“Joe…..” you whisper, realizing he must have left it here waiting for you once you woke up. Eyes watering at his thoughtfulness, you swallow it and head straight for the bathroom. You need to get cleaned up and get out there to see what kind of damage you’ve unintentionally inflicted on your child’s psyche.

You know how attached she is to you and don’t even allow yourself to think about how difficult it must have been to be so abruptly ripped away.

Especially when you’re the one who did the ripping.

The shower is kept to a minimum, and once your teeth are brushed and face clean, you don’t hesitate to step out of the room. Following the path of sound, in the kitchen is where you find Callie. With Joe. 

They’re sharing a quiet laugh, and you’re certain it’s quiet because he told her you needed your rest. Always looking out for you. 

However, it’s when Callie happens to glance your way that her eyes go big. 

“Mommy!”

She surprisingly climbs off the counter instead of outright jumping and runs over to you. You kneel down to meet her for her hug, so tight and welcoming. “Do you feel better?” 

“Oh baby, I’m always better when I get to see you.” Kissing her forehead, you add, gently, “mommy’s sorry for scaring you.” And it's true. You never meant to scare her or make her worry about you, and it's something you'll work as hard as necessary to make up to her.

But your sweet child surprises you with her authentic, mature reassurances. “It’s okay. Daddy said you were sad,” she explains and gasps. “I made you something to make you smile!”

Touched, you palm her cheek. She really is the light of your life. “I’d love to see it, baby.”

“Okay! I’ll be right back.” She rushes out of the kitchen, and you take the opportunity to talk to Joe. Wordlessly, you move over to hug him.

“Thank you.” There’s not enough thank yous to show him just how appreciative you are to have him in your life, to have him as Callie’s father. He took such control yesterday while you were busy drowning in your daddy issues. And now he’s still here when you’re almost certain that he was supposed to have flown out at the crack of dawn. “I’m really sorry about last night. That’s not—-I don’t get drunk. I would never leave Callie like that—“

“I don’t care about any of that,” he dismisses. You believe him, as he looks entirely uninterested in any explanation you want to provide him because he sees it as unnecessary. He takes the back of hand to feel your forehead. “How are you feeling? Did you take the Advil?”

Nodding, you try again, “seriously, Joe. You’ve changed your whole schedule around—“

“You needed me,” he answers. “There was nothing to think about.”

And the tears are brewing again, but for very different reasons. This man is everything you’ve always wanted and dreamed of, even better. And he loves you. He wants to be with you. Your daughter's father wants to establish a life with you, be a family. What logical reason do you have to continue to deny him? Deny yourself?

“Joe…..” Licking your lips, you place your hands on his chest. “I lo—”

“Here it is, mommy!”

Callie’s interruption is both perfect and imperfect timing. You want so badly to tell him that you love him too, that you also want to be with him. But maybe it’s not the best timing, maybe the setting should be different.

You want him to know you love him not just because of the aftershocks of vulnerability. That you’re in love with him and have been since you were 23 years old. 

Callie is at your legs, holding up a drawing she created of you surrounded by hearts. Her artwork has always been her favorite form of expression, and you’re so grateful for her pure, kind heart in this moment.

Holding it against your chest, you lean down to accept her hug. “Thank you so much, baby. I love it.” 

“Yay!” She rejoices and then looks up between the two of you. “Daddy and I made you breakfast!”  

Gasping, you ask, “really?” It’s only then you notice the kitchen, while cleaner than one would expect after preparing breakfast with a four-year-old, you see the counters that have food laid out on a variety of plates and tupperware. “Waffles?”

“Your favorite.” Joe reaches to kiss your temple, and lightly pats your hip. “Sit down, we’ll fix it for you.”

You open your mouth to protest when Callie takes your hand and guides you to the barstools and scampers back over to Joe who picks her up, holding her with one arm while the other fixes your breakfast for you. He allows her to point and dictate what goes on your plate and how it’s fixed.

And you sit there, allowing yourself to take in this moment. There’s so much you need to navigate and sort through. Bianca, your dad, Mariah, hell, even finally being honest with Joe about your feelings. But, all of that can wait. 

Because all that matters right now are the two people you love most in this world.

[moroostar]

– CRUSHING ⋆

–☆ fluff

–☆ including : Bokuto Koutarou (slightly ooc)

❕️: I apologize for barely uploading and how short this is (´∀｀；). I've been focusing on school a lot more this year so I won't be post a lot!

Bokuto was confused. He tried asking Akaashi for answers, but he still couldn't understand it. I mean he did understand what was happening to him, he just didn't want to believe it yet.

The ultimate Bokuto Koutarou was crushing on his other best friend.

Every since he figured it out and started to accept it, he has been more serious but nervous towards you.

He was still he usual self most of the time when he was with you, although he would sometimes end up staring at your face and freeze when you accidentally brushed hands when walking.

Whenever you both were sitting next eachother in class he would avert his eyes to you instead of paying attention (he ended up asking for your notes everytime). Every single time he would look at you, everything would quiet down and go slow becoming a calm space around him, he liked the feeling and he would end up finding details on your face he didn't notice before.

Oh how you were starting to drive this man crazy just by existing. Poor Akaashi had to hear everything from Bokuto.

"You don't understand, Akaashi! I'm starting to like looking at his face more and more, I've never liked a guy, especially my BEST FRIEND"

"Ouch."

"Other best friend, but anyways, his hair is looks so soft, his eyes are more pretty everytime I look at them, his lips- oh my god his lips, Akaashi!"

"I'm starting to get more grosses out by all of the sappy stuff that keeps spilling out of your mouth, Bokuto."

He sat up from his laying down position and then he saw you. His eyes brightened up, it almost looked like he had tint stars in them.

"Oh look, it's your boyfriend-"

"Oh hush, Akaashi!"

The color of his cheeks had also brightened to a light pink when he heard his dearesr friend uttee those words.

"Bokuto, you look hot. Do you want me to get you some water?"

He looked up at you, oh god you looked like an angel by the sun just shinning behund you. He thought you were brighter than the sun though. Bokuto almost passed out just by the sight.

Concerned, you reached in your bag to grab a water bottle you bought from the vending machine not that long ago and handed it to him.

"There you go, Bokuto."

Akaashi looked between the both of you and sighed.

"Well, I'm going to get myself lunch since I had to babysit him for a little bit and now it's your turn."

You bid your farewell to him and sat next to Bokuto.

Of course you started to catch on his odd behaviors towards you for the past couple of weeks when being around him.

"Bokuto, are you like okay?"

Sitting next to him under a tree, on the ground, you looked over to him as he still looked foward.

"Bokuto?"

He blinked and looked at you finally humming in response.

"I asked if you were okay, you've been acting sort of strange whenever we hang out together. Did something happen?"

Bokuto stared for a couple second and sighed.

"I've actually been confused with something."

"Is it with math? Y'know you've been asking me for my notes a lot lately, so I can just tutor you if you want-"

"No, not with math... I've been confused with my feelings towards someone."

Taken back, you sat there in silence, not for long though.

"Oh. Who is this someone?"

"You."

"...what."

"You've been confusing me. Actually no, not confusing so I don't know why I said that, but that's not the point. What my point is, I like you. I know you're one of my best friends, and I have no idea where these feeling came from, but I like you. Very much. Please go out with me."

Smiling and with lightened up cheeks, you accepted his offer.

"I like you too, Bokuto. I will gladly take your offer on going out with you."

Bokuto then hugged you tight as a simple thank you.

[bonefall]

Moorland Research Notes

I usually let these sit in my drafts because they're kinda messy, but no one actually knows anything about moorland, including myself shortly before starting this deep dive. So I'm just going to post this in the hopes that it's useful in some way

This post is about moorland in the UK, I have not done any research into moorland in other places, and then I focused more specifically on lowland heath.

Feel free to use this information for anything you so desire, and check out the sources I put at the bottom of this list if you'd like to learn more. I really hope this helps out WindClan Fans in particular

I do plan to condense what I've learned and chosen into a "Welcome to BB!WindClan!" type post at some point, but this is a REALLY broad post on what moorland is.

What is moorland?

Moorland is a broad term that lumps together several completely unique biomes, most of which are partially or completely reliant on the management of human beings. They are defined by low-growing flora and acidic soils, which makes them difficult for non-specialist plants to grow in.

These can be sorted further into upland or lowland, dry or wet.

Because many types of moorland are dominated by heathers, they are also called heathlands. Though the terms Moor and Heath are sometimes used interchangeably (and this is where a lot of confusion comes from), usually, Moor refers to upland/wet, and Heath refers to lowland/dry.

I have to stress a that LOT of the confusion is coming from this. Heather will grow in both, and the terms get used interchangeably, but an upland/wet moor is FUNDAMENTALLY different from a lowland/dry heath, down to the very soil.

Most specialists will open up an explanation by defining how they're using the Moor/Heath distinction, and will stick to those terms, but just keep in mind that in casual language, ALL of these biomes get called moors, and places without any heather will get called heath.

They can also touch. There are locations where upland moor slopes into lowland heath, or upland heath kisses lowland moor, and there can be very special species that exist in the transitional space between these areas. This too is yuri.

It is not a prairie. It is not a savanna. Please for the love of god stop portraying moorland as prairies and savannas

lots of purple. why he ourple? heathers and purple moorgrass.

Common heather is also called ling, flowery bell heathers are sometimes called erica, and gorse can be called whin or furze

Maritime heath, dune heath, blanket bog, upland moor, transitional upland heath... these are all frequently lumped under the same term even though they are very different.

How are moorlands managed?

Above 700 meters of altitude and in harsh weather conditions, you get montane heath. Near coastlines, you can find maritime heath. These are the only two that are completely "natural" and require no human management.

In wet moors, the elements will beat the vegetation down into peat. Above the peat is turf, the top layer which grows the visible flora. Peat = below, Turf = above. Peat has historically been used as a fuel, and if that bottom layer catches fire, IT IS DISASTROUS.

Because of this, most upland moors (which are usually wet and PACKED with peat) are managed primarily through grazing. There are even breeds of sheep and cattle who have been specially bred to thrive in upland moors-- such as the iconic highland cow. (Though overgrazing can be a problem, too.)

Sheep are used to graze back the heather (sometimes called ling), and in good modern practice, goats are brought out along with the flock to eat pioneering shrubs and saplings. Pigs are also used to control bracken and combat ex-pine plantations with scattered needles, because of their ability to churn soil.

However, controlled burns are still done in some circumstances and when required (LIKE BEFORE A HEATWAVE). Because of the serious danger, it's considered inferior to good grazing management. It's done carefully, in controlled patches, both to not set the underlayer of peat on fire and to make sure there is differently-aged patches of flora in one area to support different species of animals.

If peat catches on fire, it will burn for days or weeks... and can even smoulder underground after you THINK it's been put out.

In DRY LOWland heath, proper burning is common. Gorse and heather grows strong, woody, and flammable, and the thin layer of peat below can combine to devastating results when a wildfire does eventually break out. Large swaths of dry heather and gorse is an ecological powderkeg, even if it was only growing on mineral soil.

Worse, the older heather gets, the woodier it becomes. Woody heather can cause high-temperature fires that absolutely devastates new growth, leading to a slower recovery and causing a controlled burn to become uncontrolled real fast.

Burns are typically conducted in winter, when it's cold, and grazing animals are deployed in summer.

Cutting is also important in lowland management, literally cutting out squares of turf to expose the ground. This is good for mason bees, specifically.

Moorland. Is. Flammable. Fire risk = HIGH.

If you do not manage the moorland, the moorland will manage YOU. with FIRE.

Do NOT set the peat layer on fire. Whatever you do, do NOT let the peat get set on fire. PEAT FIRE BAD.

The controlled burning of moorland is "swaling", or a "muirburn."

Pigs and goats have special abilities when used in grazing management

Pigs are a tactical nuke

Sheep will graze heather a lot harder than cattle, causing grassy "sward". They should be kept away from it in winter.

MOORLAND IS NOT GRASSLAND. Sward BAD.

Cattle will graze moorgrass a lot harder than sheep and bite back any sheep-induced sward, but trample the soil with their heavy hooves.

Bones tell me about the funny cat environments

Victoria Holmes (the original writer of Warrior Cats, for those who have just walked in, still in your bathrobe and perhaps comically eating some sort of breakfast bagel, on a cat giving a detailed ecological lecture to a bunch of other cats) has spoken about how she based the environment of the Forest Territories on New Forest, Hampshire UK.

[ID: New Forest's heathland on a misty morning. It's dominated by common heather with a few sparse trees, and a New Forest Pony grazing alone.]

That means that WindClan's moor was a lowland heath, characterized by sandy soils with excellent drainage. This is consistent with the thin layer of peat, deeper layers of sandy soil and clay (as encountered by tunnelers), and lush vegetation that's seen in DOTC and Tallstar's Revenge.

If that's not enough evidence, it's also described after its destruction in these terms;

New Forest boasts some of the widest swaths of well-managed lowland heath in the entire UK. It's been managed collectively for hundreds of years, and exists in tandem with bogs and old-growth forest for miles. The heath is just as important as the trees, here!

In TNP, the forest is tragically bulldozed to create suburbs. While they were at it, they also bulldozed the geography of Great Britain because, suddenly, there is a MOUNTAIN in Southeastern England; a region notoriously flatter than the Onceler's ass

So once the Clan cats get to the Lake territories, we could be dealing with a completely different biome. They might have gone from dry, lowland heath, to wet, upland moor.

However, descriptions of the new territory are scarce, to put it lightly. In spite of the Lake Territory being the setting for the past 20 years, WindClan's land is rarely shown. When we do get a glimpse of it, like in Crowfeather's Trial, we only get told about the presence of certain species such as gorse. Because of there being no tunneling, we don't know what's exactly below the surface, either.

Occasionally though we are made aware of the presence of "moorgrass" (possibly Molinia Caerulea) and the smell of peat, pointing towards it probably being upland moor. The bigger question is actually where all the sheep are? There should be a lot of sheep here, but instead, there only seems to be horses.

Aaaaand lastly before I close out on canon material, Lungwort.

Lungwort is a herb that becomes a plot device in A Vision of Shadows. ShadowClan becomes sick with a variant of greencough, and it is said that Lungwort would be its only cure. However, it "only grows in WindClan" and the leader, Onestar, has refused to let them have this medicine.

But lungwort doesn't grow on moorland. ESPECIALLY not wet, upland moor, which we might maybe possibly be dealing with now.

Lungwort is a FOREST plant, it needs the absolute opposite conditions of a moorland. It requires moist but well-drained ground, FERTILE soil, and full or partial shade. There's no way that WindClan has it and ShadowClan doesn't, OR its neighbor ThunderClan, in the WOODS, who Onestar has no power over.

It would also poison a cat but honestly 75% of the plants they use in canon would also do that, so, whatever.

What they SHOULD have gone for is great mullein which prefers full sun and well-drained soils, so it could feasibly be found best in some parts of WindClan, regardless of which sort of moor or heath primarily makes up their territory.

What sorts of plants are found in moorlands?

In moorlands, you'll find plants that can withstand poor soil quality and full sun. In upland moors, they also have to be hardy in frequent heavy rains and high winds. Because it has conditions that so few plants are able to handle, moorland is chock-full of specialists and unique species that aren't found anywhere else!

Historically, moorland could not be used for agriculture exactly because of this. With the invention of artificial fertilizers and introduction of (invasive) pines from America, moorland is under serious threat. Even if it's just next to a pine plantation, the trees will attempt to spread.

COMMON HEATHER, also called Ling, is the big bad boy associated with most moorland, and used for a bajillion different things. First of all, it was used in construction for thatching. Second of all, it can be used as a yellow dye, especially on wool. Third, honey made from heather pollen is as thick as jelly. It's found on all sorts of moorland, and is an extremely hardy species.

BELL HEATHER, sometimes called Erica, is more commonly associated with lowland heaths. It's one of the best flowers for pollinators in the entire world, and attracts tons of insects.

GORSE, also called Whin or Furze, smells overwhelmingly like coconut. It is also covered in wicked thorns. It's highly flammable and can burn ridiculously hot, making it excellent to collect as kindle.

PURPLE MOORGRASS is associated with upland moor, but will grow basically anywhere nothing else could. It's scary hardy, surviving in acidic soil down to a PH of 2 (THAT IS THE SAME LEVEL AS YOUR STOMACH JUICE), and can grow as tall as 4 feet (and even taller, apparently, next to its bestie girls heather and gorse).

In heath, tormentil, milkwort, and heath bedstraw are indicator herbs, and wavy hair-grass, bristle bent, and vernal grasses are found here and there.

PLEASE remember that moorland is not grassland. When grasses go from sparse to common, it's a very bad sign. It means the soil is losing its acidity, and converting into a different biome.

Bramble, bracken, nettles, perennial ryegrass, and broadleaf plantain are some of the species that can indicate that a heath is becoming a grassland. A few patches or examples are fine, but if they're eating into the gorse/heather/moorgrass, it's time to call in some management.

There's also the fascinating, parasitic plant called dodder. Dodder likes to twirl around heather before suffocating it to death. Cool plant! I don't know where else to mention dodder. I just think it's neat.

Threats to Moorland

I mentioned the problems in passing through this whole post, but to restate, these are some of the major problems that moorland faces.

AFFORESTATION: When trees are added.

[ID: A sitka spruce plantation on upland moor in Scotland, followed by a clip of Markiplier who condemns it in no uncertain terms.]

American pines, such as the douglas fir and sitka spruce don't belong here. These are commercial plantations and they exist to make money, but are touted as "eco friendly" because uneducated rubes think 1 Tree = 1 Ecology Point. They provide diddly or squat to native wildlife, destroy valuable moorland which can negatively impact carbon capture, and let fools pat themselves on the back for doing nothing but put government money into a logging company's pocket.

(there are also only 3 native conifers to Great Britain-- the scotch pine, the common juniper, and the yew. All others are introduced.)

But even worse than being a wooden blight, these are wooden blights that spread. If there's a plantation nearby, it WILL begin to encroach on the surrounding moorland, and the traditional sheep and cattle will not eat the saplings. GOATS are being added to herds in modern grazing management to combat this new problem.

The native birches (silver and downy) plus the scotch pine will also move in when moorland is not managed! They are pioneer species, which success the moor into secondary woodland.

OVERBURNING: When moorland is burned too much.

Even if you don't set the peat on fire and cause an even bigger problem, too much burning is bad for the biome as well. This is often done to serve hunters, who want to perpetually keep common heather in the youngest state possible to support grouse populations... and grouse populations alone.

Properly managed moorland will be burned in sections, NOT all at once, so that there's a healthy mix of plants in different ages to provide shelter and food to the animals that live in the environment. Too much burning will decimate the insect population, and prevent peat buildup.

("Hold on Elder Bones, why is peat good?" Carbon capture and soil acidity! It's super efficient at combating global warming, and peaty soils will prevent the moor from quickly succeeding into a grassland.)

NUTRIENT ENRICHMENT: De-acidifying the soil and making the soil welcoming to other species

Specifically from dog and horse droppings, but also from the addition of fertilizers. The biggest thing that can be a problem here is how conservationists try to balance public access to these spaces with the "recreation pressure" from having too many visitors.

SOURCES

I have had to do SO MUCH READING. OH my god, this was not easy research, please appreciate this big, beautiful list of resources I am giving to you

GREAT BRITISH LIFE: A really good intro to heathland (This article was written by Katie Piercy from the Cheshire Wildlife Trust)

WILDLIFE TRUST: Heathland and Moorland, Moorland, Lowland Heath, Cheshire Heath, Bell Heather, The Roaches

BUGLIFE: Upland heath as it relates to insect populations (website contains insect-centric guides to many unique UK biomes)

NEW FOREST: Heathland information and history

NATIONAL TRUST: Bickerton Hill and the Restoration Work

WIKIPEDIA: The Roaches, Yorkshire Dales, Heath, Moorland (listen kids, wikipedia is always a great place to start. Just make sure to double-check the claims you see there.)

COUNTRY LIFE: A flowery article that describes the North York Moors (this one's just really pleasant!)

AN ACTUAL LOWLAND HEATH ECOLOGIST: Dr. Sophie Lake's Presentation for the NPMS (This is the most detailed and proper source on this list, if you want to learn some serious info, PLEASE check this one out)

[onim5]

The New Student. Part 1

Portgas D. Ace x Fem Reader

This is a modern au.

Warnings: Swearing, like once.

----------------------------

Sabo threw a pencil at Ace to try and wake him up. The teacher had only just settled down at the front, so having Ace asleep would get him in trouble. Throwing another one harder made his brother finally wake up. Ace looked a little pissed at Sabo and then threw the six pencils back.

"Good morning, class. Today, we have a new student." Mr Corazon announced. He signaled with his hand to the door, and a girl walked in. "Please, introduce yourself," Corazon said with a smile. "I'm Y/n. Where do I sit?" Corazon sighed. He had expected a little longer introduction. "You can sit next to Ace." He mumbled, pointing at the seat. I quickly settled down next to the guy. He smiled welcoming, and I looked the other way.

She's probably hiding a blush. Ace thought, knowing how girls reacted around him. The class introduced themselves, and then the lesson began. During the whole class, I sat quietly listening, annoyed with the idiot next to me. He fell asleep not once but seven times. Sure, he woke up after his naps, but then he glanced at my work to see what he had missed. After a long lesson, the break finally began.

I hurriedly took my stuff and ran away. I can't take being questioned.

"And she's gone," Sabo said, walking up to Ace. "Yeah, I think she's an introvert. I tried asking her what she liked. But she didn't answer and just ignored me." Ace explained, amused. "Ah, you think she's playing hard to get?" Sabo asked, knowing Ace got asked out like three or nine times every day. "Most likely." Some girls listened from the other side of the classroom in jealousy.

I grabbed the first prophecy of Warriors, a damn good book series I read a long time ago. When I walked out of the library, a dude began waving a hello. I looked around and realized he was waving at me. I nodded a hi and then kept walking to my locker, wanting to leave the books. "You need any help?" He asked, walking up to me. "Sure." I gave him three of the books, and then we walked to my locker.

"You a bookworm?" He asked as we walked. "Not really, I just read sometimes," I answered, feeling stares from girls in the corridor. What's their problem? I thought, realizing the aura of jealousy thickened. I glanced at the dude holding my other books. F. U. C. K.

I opened my locker and grabbed the books he had carried. "Thanks," I grumbled, grabbing the books for my next lesson. "You're welcome." Ace watched amused, as I left for our next lesson. When Ace walked into the classroom, I had already sat at our bench reading. The other girls stared down at me, but I didn't even realize it. "Hey, Y/n. What are you reading?" Ace asked, leaning on his elbow.

Nothing. Ace asked again and waited for an answer. Nothing again. The lesson began, and he waited nervously for the teacher to realize. "Y/n, what is the answer to this? Y/n? Y/n, are you paying attention?" Mr Diamante asked in a serious tone. Nothing. Diamante walked up and snatched the book from my hands. I looked at him and realized the lesson had begun. "Oh, excuse me, sir." I apologized.

"Y/n, let's make a deal if you go up to the board and show the class how to answer this. And if you answer and show how correctly, you can read in my classes whenever you want. Without trouble." Diamante smirked evilly and waited for me to embarrass myself. I got up and walked to the board. Grabbing the pencil, I quickly solved everything and described how I did it. Diamante sighed in disappointment and threw my book onto me. "Thanks, sir," I whisper, walking back to the bench, feeling scared.

"That was amazing," Ace whispered, holding his thumb up. "Maybe, but soon enough, everyone is gonna ask me to do their homework, and when I decline, some are gonna force me." I begin, hiding my face in my hair. Ace looks confused, surprised, and with empathy as he hears my quiet cry for help. "Eh, hey, it's okay. People aren't like that here." Ace said comfortingly. Putting a hand on my back. "Please don't touch me." I hissed. He retreated his hand quickly, normally when 'he' touched a girl lightly they got in a better mood. Does this girl maybe know? About his father?!

A wave of anxiety hit Ace as he leaned on his bench, putting his hands shakingly in his hair. She's gonna tell everyone. Everyone will know and then hate him.

The days went on, and because of the imbecile following me around, I even learned his name, Portgas D Ace. He doesn't seem to know how to leave someone alone. My class just ended, and I ran out, literally! "See you later, Sabo!" Ace yelled as he ran after. I ran to my locker threw in my books and then locked it, hurrying to the dining hall. "Shit." Ace hissed as he threw in his books, locked and then ran after. "Why are we hurrying so much?!" Ace yelled in the rush. He was luckily faster and caught up soon enough. "Why are you following me?" I asked as I slowed down.

"What do you mean? We've been hanging with each other for three days." Ace said as we walked into the dining hall. "Dude! I'm a loser who doesn't do anything fun. Someone like you wouldn't hang around me unless there's a reason." I hiss, as I served myself food. "Uh, well, I think we have had fun," Ace said as he followed me to a table. I groaned. "Like yesterday when we ran around the school," Ace said, smiling. "Huh, are you kidding me?!" I ask quietly.

"You threw a damn bottle at that gang leader Katakuri and then you! Followed me as I ran away." I whisper while munching on my food. "Well, what about the day before yesterday, at the mall." Ace smiled. "You mean when I was buying new clothes and you yelled my name through the mall?" I asked, irritated. "No, when we went to that thrift shop and found the best stuff ever," Ace said as if the shit he found wasn't a couple of ugly porcelain plates and cups.

"My little brother Luffy breaks everything when he does the dishes." Ace, explain plainly. And then he falls head first into the plate, sleeping. I sigh and begin to listen around me. "I hate Y/n, I don't get why Ace is giving her all the attention. You don't think he like, like her?" A girl sitting at a table grumbled, clearly pissed. "Well, to be honest, it seems that Ace is following Y/n everywhere. It also looks like she doesn't wanna be with him." Another said. "She's just playing hard to get." The first comment.

Ace groaned as he woke up. "Here," I said, giving him a napkin. "Oh, thanks." He smiled and then cleaned up. I stood up and left the dining hall. "Wait!" Ace kind of yelled as he shoved all the food in his mouth and then ran after. I grabbed the second book of my series and then walked to a table in the corridor on the whole way Ace couldn't shut up. "And that is why you should never jump from a roof," Ace explained. "It's common sense not to jump from a roof." I blankly said, opening my book. "So~ what's this series about?" Ace asked, not knowing what else to do. "It's about cats that live in clans," I said, turning the page.

"That sounds interesting," Ace commented. "You said you only read sometimes and that you weren't a bookworm. But you have been reading every break we've had." Ace added. "That's because I hope you leave me alone," I muttered. "Oh," Ace sighed. I also wish I could leave you alone. You're boring. But the moment I do, you tell everyone who my father is. I need to make you understand that I am a nice guy, nothing like Gold Roger. Ace thought.

"If you're interested in the books, you could always read. I have already finished the first, and it's still in my locker. The title is 'Into The Wild'." I said, holding up my key. I hate reading. "Ah, thank you," Ace said, grabbing the key. He walked and glanced every second to make sure you didn't leave. When he got past the corner, he sprinted to get to your locker. "Ace, what are you doing." Ace looked up at Mr Corazon, who most likely thought Ace was doing mischief. "Eh, I'm borrowing a book," Ace said as he looked at the titles. "I didn't know you like reading," Corazon stated. "I do, but I'm not too good, so I rarely do it." Ace half lied.

Oh good, she's still here. Ace thought as he turned the corner. He sat down and then opened the book. Since it was lunch break, it was extra long. So Ace came to the good parts. Fifteen minutes before class started, I grabbed Ace's attention and told him I was going. "I'm just gonna finish the page." He mumbled. I couldn't help smiling. It's always fun when someone likes the same books.

The lesson started, and Senor Pink wrote up the assignment on the board. Then he settled down on his desk. "I expect you to have made-up groups within five minutes. Don't keep me waiting." He said at last. "I guess it's us two, but we need one more," Ace said, looking around. "Oi Sabo wanna work with us?" Ace asked. "Sure. Have you decided on a book yet?" Sabo asked, moving his chair to our bench. A grin on Ace grew as he looked at me. "Warriors, but the books are a little short, so we take the first one Into the Wild, and the second. . . . . Y/n what's the second called?" Ace whispered. "Fire And Ice," I mumbled. "I have never heard about those books. What are they about?" Sabo asked. "Cats," Ace said confidently.

Huh, has Ace a cat interest? Asked Sabo in his head. Senor Pink gruffed to get the class's attention. "Alright, since you're all in groups, go to the library and find what you decided on, then you can spend the the rest of the lesson reading." Senor Pink took up his phone. It was his beloved Russian that called him.

"We're going to have to make a list of all the characters and a good summary of the story, and since we've chosen two books, we're gonna have two summaries. Sabo, I have read this before and am on the second book now." I said as we entered the library, I looked expectedly at Ace. "I started reading the first book on our lunch break, so yeah," Ace mumbled, embarrassed as he knew Sabo would comment. "You read a book on our break?" Sabo asked in disbelief. "Yup."

Time skip

"Who's Y/n?" Luffy asked as he tried to steal some food from the counter. "She's our partner in a group project for literature class," Sabo explained as he smacked Luffy's hand away. "Is she another one of those annoying ladies that tries to hook up with you two?" Luffy asked, holding his hand. "She doesn't seem to have any interest to Ace's disappointment." Sabo grinned. "Aowth." Was heard from the cough. "What is that supposed to mean?" Ace asked, holding his nose due to the impact of the book he dropped. He sat up and looked into the kitchen over the cough's backrest. "You're very obvious Ace, everyone at school knows you like her. Except Luffy." Sabo explained, mumbling the last part.

"What! No, we're just friends. I hope." Ace said, leaning over. "What do you mean hope? Don't you want her as a girlfriend?" Sabo asked. "Of course, I want that, but I don't think she even considers me a friend. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - NO WAIT!!!" Ace yelled in realization. "You tricked me!" Ace added. "Don't yell. We might get a voice complaint from the neighbors again," Sabo said calmly. "Shishishi, Grandpa got mad last time." Luffy smiled, then he ran up to his room.

"So~ do you like Y/n or not?" Sabo asked. Ace placed the book on the living room table. "I have never thought about us in such a way," He said as he walked into the kitchen. "Well, the whole school thinks you're in love with her." Sabo continued. "Wait, why am I the one who people think is in love?" Ace asked, confused, as he took a knife to cut up vegetables. "Because you have been following her like she's your life support or something." Sabo scoffed. Ace grumbled, not wanting to answer that.

Luffy came down the stairs and held up a drawing. "Does it look like her?" He asked. "Is that even a human?" Ace asked. Sabo went up to the drawing and checked it out. "Hmm, never show her that." He stated as he walked back to the stove. "Am I that far off?" Luffy asked as he scratched his head a little.

------------------------------------------

"I hope you liked it. Feel free to comment and ask questions."

[lafayette-paw-arts]

Ur blog srsly brings us the vees polycule we needed. Do you have any angsty hcs 👀

I am glad to bring it! As a poly person myself I was very upset the Vees aren't canonically poly, I was so excited for the rep

As always your wish is my command but careful what you wish for~

Valentino has hit Vox with the glass cups he throws before, it shattered Vox's screen because of the force and Valentino completely panicked. He vowed to never throw things again but being Val it didn't last very long, he's now hyper aware of when he throws something near Vox so it doesn't hit him. While Vox usually sidesteps to move further away from the impact point he knows if he stayed put it wouldn't have hit him.

Velvette once forgot about the extermination and went out to get something an hour before it started, she got caught up in the extermination and got badly hurt. Thankfully the boys were there to protect her and get her back to the safety of the tower.

Vox had also been hurt badly that night because he stalled for time so Valentino could get Velvette back to the tower, Velvette felt so guilty after that, she knows her stupid mistake could have gotten them all killed.

Vox has serious insecurity issues but he rarely talks about them to his partners despite how much they want him to open up, he's worried if he does they'll realize he's not worth their time.

Velvette has scars on her thighs from a particularly bad ex she had when she first got to hell, the boys asked about them only once but when she quickly shut down all questions about it and practically bolted from the room they mutually understood they were never going to ask her about it again. If she wants to tell them she will.

Vox has a nasty scar that runs down his back, Valentino and Velvette assume it's from Alastor but they have no confirmation or denial, Vox keeps it hidden as often as he can.

Val has several scars across his midsection, he's told the others where they came from and the three of them will take the secret to their second graves.

Vox has a special technician he pays a lot to deal with his electrical components including the bigger shit like having to replace his screen or in rare cases of severe damage his whole TV needs to be replaced (tho sometimes it is replaced for upgrades).

He's scared he has to leave his fate in someones hands like this but he doesn't have any other choice. He refuses to let Velvette and Valentino in while his technician is working on him. He feels vulnerable enough during this without them witnessing it.

Vox doesn't tell the others if he's not feeling well, he usually locks himself up and tries to deal with it himself, if it ends up being a problem for his technician he calls them, but if its not he tries to deal with it himself without the other Vees finding out.

Velvette has deep self hatred issues, she's always trying to dress better, look better, be better, but it's never enough for her. The boys try their best to show her that she's more than enough, sometimes she believes them, most of the time she doesn't.

When one of the others is hurt the other will be by the bedside keeping an eye on them. Vox will usually be trying to keep things in all of their departments running while the other one deals with the one who is hurt, it's easier for him to bury himself in work than to worry himself sick.

If Vox himself is hurt Val and Velvette will shut the whole damn tower down and sit with him.

Vox made Valentino cry once, he can't even remember what he did to accomplish it but it freaked him out so badly, he never thought he'd see the moth cry and it was definitely a "NOPE! NEVER AGAIN!!!" moment for him.

Vox and Velvette both struggle to talk about serious matters when it comes to the relationship, Val is just much more open.

Velvette doesn't usually have an issue asking to be held when she's feeling like she isn't enough, but Vox struggles hard, very often unable to ask even for a simple hug because he doesn't feel like he deserves it.

Valentino has severe abandonment issues. He really hates being alone in the penthouse so if the others are working he's usually down in the studio bothering some of his employees for random reasons just to keep from being alone.

Valentino always worries that he's too clingy and that the others hate it. Actually they love that he's clingy and snuggly, they tell him that often, he doesn't always believe them.

They each have their own way to calm the others down. Vox will calmly talk them down, Velvette will give soft touches and hugs, and Valentino will use his wings as weighted blankets and allow the others to play with the fluff at the edges of his wings until they're calm.

Alrighty that's all I got, hope you like it!

As always if you want more please let me know!

[estrellami-1]

Writer prompt: “When will I get people who care the way I care?” Steve + the party hurt/comfort

Lmaooooo not you turning my own words on me (thank you I probably needed to write this ngl)

Steve made a point to remember the kids’ birthdays. To know their favorite foods, their allergies, to have their favorite tapes in his car.

And it’s not like it’s serious. Steve wouldn’t die from it. Probably.

It’s just… well. He told them he was allergic to shellfish. He remembered the day, especially, because they’d all had a long discussion about what was actually classified as shellfish.

But now someone decided to bring a clambake up to Bumfuck, Indiana, right where Steve lived, and all the kids are so excited about it, and he’s excited for them, honest.

But they don’t understand when he declines the offer to go, their request to drive them. Slowly but surely, he realizes they forgot.

Maybe he should’ve expected that. Maybe he should’ve known the expectations are different on the babysitter versus the babysat. Maybe-

“Alright,” Eddie says suddenly, one loud clap getting everyone’s attention. “Everyone out! Something’s come up. Great to see you, same time next week, untold horrors, et cerera. Get the fuck outta here.”

Eddie turns to Steve once everyone’s gone. “What’s wrong?”

Steve blinks. “What?”

“You’re making a face like something’s wrong.”

“Oh.” Steve debates not telling him, except that’s never done him any favors before, and he doubts it’ll start now. “Um. Just. Y’know the clambake?”

Eddie chuckles. “It’s practically all the kids talk about.”

“Yeah. Um. They didn’t understand why I didn’t want to go. Or why I didn’t want to take them.”

“Okay,” Eddie says slowly. “I’m all for telling the little shits no once in a while, don’t get me wrong. But… why did you tell them no?”

“I’m allergic to shellfish.”

Eddie’s mouth opens in an o. “Do they know?”

“Yeah. Or they did, I dunno. I guess they forgot. And I just… I dunno. Got in my head about it, I guess, because I remember things that are important to them, y’know? I have their tapes in my car, I know their favorite foods, I know what they’re allergic to. I know what to do to help all of them through a nightmare or a panic attack. And I spend so much of my time giving, and being what they need me to be, and… I guess it gets tiring, sometimes.” He shrugs, looks down. “I’m just wondering when I’m gonna get people who care the way I care. Who remember the little things, maybe not even cause they’re important, but because they’re part of me, y’know?”

Eddie smiles sadly, sits next to him. Turns his body to face Steve’s. “You mean like the face you make when you’re cooking and your sauce needs more salt? Or the way you dance a little, wiggle your hips, when you’ve got music playing and you’re doing the dishes? Or the way you clench your fists when you think no one’s looking, when you’re trying not to fidget or reach out and touch?” He touches one of Steve’s hands, clenched in his lap. “You can.”

Steve sighs, releases his hands. Turns one over and capture’s Eddie’s. “And the important thing,” Eddie continues. “The way you keep the pool lights turned off when the kids aren’t over. The way you hate to cook for just yourself. You ever wonder why I invite myself over so much? ‘S because I know you wouldn’t eat otherwise. The kids are assholes, I’ll give you that. They’re also kids. Let them grow up some, keep showing them the love that you are, and trust that one day they’ll show it back. Until then, can I be enough for you?”

“Eddie,” Steve whispers, chokes. “You’re always enough. More than.”

Eddie moves in closer. “Let yourself take,” he whispers back, slotting an arm over Steve’s shoulders and pulling him in. “Trust that I’m giving. That I want you to have it.”

Steve leans in. Doesn’t say thank you. Doesn’t kiss him. He doesn’t have to. He’s taking, accepting. And that says everything.

[buzzyb33]

Oh, well.

Prompt: Harry and Y/n meet online, after deciding or meet up in north London, a couple weeks later they meet each other again a couple weeks later under extremely different circumstances.

Warnings: swearing,

I just got back from meeting a boy, something I didn’t usually do, but I’d been talking to Harry as I met him online for a while now and we just met up.

Harry was a YouTuber, part of a big YouTube group with the money and looks to get him through life like a breeze.

I had a pretty decent job too, I was a photographer who travelled around Europe to take photos of models and scenery which got me a decent amount of money, so having a gorgeously decorated 2 bedroom apartment in London was perfect for me.

I streamed on twitch sometimes and had a small audience which I mainly did for fun.

I grin as I lock my door as squeal as that was one of my first ‘dates’ in years.

I smile and flop down on my bed.

A couple hours later as I’m cleaning my house I get a call from my younger brother, Tommy who was seventeen, eight years younger than me.

“Hello?” I say as my music turns off in my AirPods replaced by the phone call.

“Y/n! I- dad has a new girlfriend!” He announces with obvious pride in his voice.

“And how do you know that?” I respond as I keep washing up.

“Right- he’s been on his phone a lot more than normal, he’s been leaving around 9-11 every Thursday and he left in a suit today, he came back at 11 and there was lipstick on his collar, and he’s just been happier.” He says in a nonchalant tone.

Our mother died years ago- seven to be exact.

“Right- okay- sure Tommy, let him tell us in his own time- don’t push him.” I say as I start washing my hands.

“Yeah- right, bye n/n.” He says as the line cuts dead.

A couple weeks later, where me and Harry are getting more serious with more dates (and a couple make out sessions) my dad invites me other for dinner hesitantly saying he has a girlfriend- confirming Tommys suspicions.

As I arrive to the other side of London and see my dad and brother they both hug me as my dad clears his throat: “y/n- I as I’ve said in our group thingy- I have a- I’m seeing another woman, I have been for around 6 months now.. and- she’s coming round, Y/n, she has a son your age, a daughter two years younger and another son who isn’t coming- so look presentable- please.” He finishes with a clap of his hands and a pointed look in Tommy’s direction.

He scoffs and goes upstairs.

Today I was wearing a dark green button up crop top, black cargos, a belt, some jewellery, basic makeup and had my long black hair down.

Man hour later, when my dad was almost finished with making the spaghetti bolognaise there’s a knock at that door which Tommy runs to answer.

A couple seconds later, an older woman, who was pretty for her age walks in, followed by a young girl- early twenties and a boy- he looks up and as we lock eyes my jaw drops, his eyes widen and I gulp.

Harry.

What the fuck?

My face heats up as I fake a smile and introduce myself to them.

I get to Harry and shake his hand, which lingers for a bit too long as we look into each others eyes.

“I’m- Y/n..” I say to him and he nods.

“I’m, uh, Harry.” He says back.

We sit at that table with him directly opposite me, my dad to my left.

Around ten minutes later, when I’m just spinning my spaghetti on a fork my dad taps my shoulder.

“Why don’t you get to know Harry? You’re the same age-“ he starts but I cut in. “Dad were not twel-“ he cuts me off. “No! I insist! Go show him around the area! Let me talk to Tricia- Rosie is with Tom- go!” He says and shoos us off.

I frown as I bend down to tie my laces, feeling Harry’s eyes on me.

I look up at him and stand back up, leaving the house.

“This is- awkward.” He says as we get a little away from my house.

I nod and scratch my head.

“What now? Do- we.. keep.. seeing-“ he stops me.

“Only if you want to- I don’t want any tension- between us- or our parents.” He says.

I look up at him and smile.

“I- like you.. a lot I- don’t want to stop seeing you..” I say hesitantly as he smiles.

“I like you a lot too.. I want us to keep being a thing.. but- uhm- I don’t think we can- tell our parents..” he says and I nod.

I smile and take his hand.

We hold hands as we walk.

I lean closer to him as we walk around the area in silence.

When we arrived back we let go of each others hands and sit on the main sofa, Rosie and Tommy were in his room playing Minecraft and our parents were laughing over wine in the kitchen.

I smile at Harry.

“It’s like my friends when we were little- I think you’re going to be staying tonight.” I giggle slightly.

He laughs back.

“I can say I’m going home- so can you- we can still.. stay together.” He suggests with a smile.

After we left, we got McDonald’s and made out in the parking lot while laughing.

Sneaking around our parents won’t be as easy.

A/n: I like this one!

Anyway request me whatever read my page rules if your unsure and if something isn’t specified ask!

[btstulip]

Jimin being bullied in AYS?

I never expected to be writing about this, but I feel it's important to talk about. Bullying and toxic behavior is serious and I keep seeing it come up when people talk about Are You Sure?! episode 3 in Jeju.

Frequently when reading about people's reactions to AYS, I find myself wondering if we've watched the same show. Even though I know our own life experiences influence how we see the world, it's always amazing to me how different that perception can sometimes be.

I am not here to tell anyone they are wrong about Jungkook and Tae and it makes no difference to me if you like them or not. I am only hoping to give people the chance to look again from a different perspective and maybe ask themselves what kind of lens they may be viewing this episode (and maybe life) through.

It’s not my perspective I want to show you… it’s Jimin’s.

This is going to be a bit long, but I hope that you will read to the end and feel free to discuss or share your own perspective in a respectful way.

▶︎ Jimin feeling sick

Before getting into what Jungkook and Tae did that has upset people, we have to discuss Jimin feeling unwell. I want to start by pointing out that Jimin is in a good mood and his stomach does not seem to be slowing him down. Obviously he isn't 100% and he mentions feeling like he will vomit if he eats, but we see him drinking without issue and otherwise seeming fine. He's having fun at the restaurant and even chases Tae.

Let me repeat that, Jimin chases Tae down the street, abandoning his shoes! I am not saying Jimin doesn't feel sick, but he is obviously far from miserable.

The most popular theory is that Jimin has motion sickness from driving since he is known to get motion sick. I personally struggle with this theory since he is in such a good time in the car and not holding back puke the whole time. My personal theory is that Jimin is probably hungover, but obviously I could be wrong. Another reasonable guess would be that he is recovering from food poisoning or a stomach bug where he is feeling better, but still fragile. Either way, he seems okay for the most part.

▶︎ Bullying or playing?

I'm going to try to stick to the events in this section, but please keep reading because I have some things I want to point out in the next section.

It starts with the guys hanging out on the floor together having fun just being with each other. Tae and Jungkook start head banging while Jimin lays on the ground next to them. Jimin then sits up and says he feels sick. Then he tries to lay on Jungkook, but they both laugh when Jungkook stops him (while looking directly at the camera). At that point Tae spins Jimin around and wants Jimin to join them in head banging, but Jimin says he might throw up.

Jimin goes along with it anyway right up until his stomach revolts. At this point, Jimin pushes Tae's hand away and lays down. Tae laughs and Jimin smiles. Pretty sure he is feeling a bit like an old man.

Shortly later we see Jimin happily hanging out on the floor and singing when Jungkook decides to go swimming.

Then comes the water guns. Jimin is relaxing on the ground singing to himself when Jungkook runs up and sprays him and then runs off to ambush Tae. Jimin says he's exhausted at this point, but he doesn't seem upset, more like just stating facts and maybe explaining why he isn't joining them. There's lots more spraying by Jungkook, then Jimin goes back to singing while they reload and both come back for another round and soak Jimin. All the while they are spraying him, Jimin keeps laughing. Even when you can't pick out Jimin's individual laugh, (after 1 min mark in the video below) you can see his shoulders moving and at the end, you can clearly hear him laugh to himself, still entertained by the antics of these big kids.

Jimin changes into swim trunks and watches his friends play in the pool before sitting down and talking to us about how he is getting older and his body doesn't work the same anymore. He's obviously not feeling up to joining Tae and Jungkook in the pool, but he's smiling and moving around. And after talking to some birds, he decides to nap on the ground instead of going to lay down in bed.

Also, after a little nap and rest, Jimin starts running around with the water guns and then they all go to indoor rock climb and ride go-carts.

▶︎ Jimin isn't helpless. Period.

I have rewatched the footage over and over so I can look critically at the situation and three key things stand out to me:

Jimin isn't "that" sick. I am not trying to minimize how Jimin felt at all. He was obviously unwell and wanted to rest. However Jimin wasn't so sick that he couldn't get up and leave if he had wanted to. He had lots of chances to go lay down in bed and chose to stay over and over again. But we saw Jimin go all out chasing Tae earlier, and after a nap, Jimin is back to goofing around.

People need to respect Jimin and his choices. He isn't powerless. He knows how to set boundaries and chooses which boundaries to set, like pushing Tae's hand away when he feels like he might puke. Jimin is not being forced to stay downstairs, start round two with the water guns, go rock climbing, or ride go-carts. All of these were his choice and point to him feeling well enough and wanting to participate in the ways he chooses.

Jungkook and Tae are playing and laughing with Jimin. They are not trying to be mean to Jimin, they are including him in their fun. And we clearly see Jimin laughing and smiling in response. Even when he tells Tae to stop spraying him, he says it in a very soft, not assertive way and then continues to stay there and laugh when they keep spraying him. He isn't getting annoyed or frustrated. Jimin may not feel like getting up and running around with them (at least not in that moment because he does later), but he seems more entertained by their behavior than annoyed.

▶︎ Look again

When I watched the first and last time, I saw so much love and joy and I don't know how people missed it.

Love is never an excuse for putting up with someone who treats you badly. When people set boundaries, they should be respected. In order for me to see the behavior in this episode as anything other than harmless play, I would have to believe that Jungkook and Tae were intentionally being cruel, Jimin was upset by how he was being treated, and that Jimin wasn't capable of stopping the situation when ever he wanted. But I just can't find any evidence showing any of that. In fact, I see the opposite.

I’m going to focus only on what we see in this episode, but we have years of evidence that we are ignoring.

When Jimin is actually sleeping, we see both Tae and Jungkook check in on him and leave him to rest peacefully.

And later, when Jimin cut his lip, the panic and concern on both Tae and Jungkook's faces speaks volumes. Yes, it only takes a second for them to realize that Jimin is okay (that's how well they can read him) and return to smiling and being playful. But even when Tae breaks the tension with a fake punch, Jimin doesn't show even the slightest bit of annoyance. This is how they often play together and Jimin is okay with that in this moment.

Can I just point out for a second how funny I find it when Jungkook turns and tells the staff that Jimin got hurt like a little kid telling the teacher? 😂

This is their bond and we only get a glimpse of it. And we can’t forget the fact that Jungkook picked up and brought Jimin his shoes. If touching those things isn't an act of love, I don't know what is. LOL

I watched this episode over and over again and I didn't see Jimin being too sick and weak to set boundaries for himself. If Jimin had wanted Jungkook and Tae to leave him alone, I believe Jimin would have communicated that clearly and firmly and they would have listened. We have years of evidence that both Jungkook and Tae love and respect Jimin, to the point where people feel "shocked by this side of them they have never seen before". I think it's because "this side of them" doesn't exist and has been imagined by people that have forgotten that Jimin can set boundaries and make decisions for himself. I don't understand how people can ignore the evidence in order to see their play filled day together as something toxic and cruel.

Ultimately, it isn't up to us to decide if Jimin is being bullied, it's his. And if you look to him for signs he is upset with what is happening, there just isn't any evidence of that at all.

I say this from a place of love and without judgement... if you are more upset for Jimin than he is, then this may be less about Jimin and his relationships and more about how you feel in yours. If you saw something other than Jimin choosing to participate in his own way and having fun in spite of feeling under the weather, I suggest you spend some time reflecting on your ability to set boundaries for yourself. ❤️

[sarang-noori]

I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE

(A/n: Lil prompt i found, Calcharo has me on a choke hold.Literally. This is f!reader x calcharo....hope u enjoy this)

Calcharo the leader of the Ghost Hounds, a multinational mercenary group. I met Calcharo totally as an accident, him saving you from a group of exiles surrounding me, harassing for something i have even forgotten at this point.

Calcharo being a very stoic and 'no talk unless needed' kinda man was really hard to get along with at first. But i was adamant to befriend him. Showing up with him to businesses, trying to talk with him; those tactics eventually got through his hard shell.

The only way he decide to acknowledge my efforts was when i said i wanted to join hos group, he was strictly against that, saying "if you want protection i am here for that, i dont want you to join my group to have protection or to befriend me. If you want to become strong i'll teach u to become stronger, and i will befriend u if you want a friend. But i dont want you to be a mercenery just for those reasons, you have a bright future in front of you". Those were his words.

Its been quite sometime since that day, Chalcharo and i were closer than ever; he was still the grumpy, stoic man, and i was the same ball of sunshine. His group members were quite shocked at first when i was able to befriend the hot yet scary looking man. And seeing him laugh, left like was as if spring is here.

It was no news that slowly your feelings for him turned romantic. The way he protects me from harm, the way he looks after me, even when he scolds me when i did something stupid and put myself in harms way making him worry, or when i just did something cringey cute to make him laugh.

My little heart slowly started falling for the grumpy tacet holding man. So one day i decided to pick up the courage and just express my feelings, you entered their base greeting whoever greeted me until i reached Calcharo, sitting and doing some work, and hearing him sigh.

"Hey there big guy, whats wrong?" Saying as i placed my chin over his head while standing behind him. "Ughh its nothing just paperwork, whats up lil girl, what r u doing here today?" He said groaning and letting down his pen and taking a hold of my hand and pulling me beside him beside the desk, while keeping a hold on your hand.

"Well, i ...uh....i wanted to tell you something" you somehow managed to speak up, nerves getting a hold of you. "Are you okay?? Are you hurt? Is everything alright?" Calcharo immidiately stood up, alertness and worry visible in his eyes clearly, ready to destroy anything. "Am okk Cal, its not that serious, actually. Am good am great. Trust me." I said gripping his hands tighter in mine. "Okk then, go ahead and tell me what you have on your mind then".

"I have started to have feelings for you, its been some months since i started feeling this way, and you have been on my mind alwa - mmmph" before i could finish my speech of how i fell in love with him, soft pair of lips captured mine, making me stop mid way. "I'm so happy am not the only one" i heard Calcharo say in between the kiss, which turned more rushed and passionate as we both realised our mutual liking to each other.

His one hand grabbing on top my waist, the other on the back of my neck, my arms wrapped around his neck and fingers tangled in his beautiful long white hair. The kiss turned feverent, until we both ran out of breath, pulling away we placed our forheads together, panting yet smiling. Holding my face in his hands, he placed a tender kiss on top of my forehead. Doing the same thing, i placed a kiss on his forhead where his tacet mark lies.

"I was waiting for this for so long, from now on i will always keep you safe. No harm will ever come to you" he sealed his words with a kiss.

A/N: Anddddd were done with the story...its a bit weird probably cuzzzz its been so long since i wrote something and idk why but i cant make stories...like the brain juice is not working properly....and also i have exams from the 13th...which is really like after few days...its a pain. But i hope u enjoyed it....luv you byeee. Stay hydrated and happy reading♡♡

[hellfirenacht]

Being in Hellfire Club HCs

These are mostly for myself to have consistency in my fics.

-Eddie is the one to approach any potential new members. He's been recruiting for 2 years now, and he's very selective. But he can also sniff out a freak a mile away.

-Being part of Hellfire comes with a certain level of protection. Eddie is more than happy to be the big bad wolf to protect his sheep members. Most people leave Hellfire alone because they think Eddie will snap.

-There are the core members of the club (Eddie, Jeff, Gareth, Mike, Dustin, and un-named member who I am calling Zack), as well as subs. Subs are people who were curious and usually approached Eddie first. They have a passing interest, but not enough to risk being associated with the freaks.

-Everyone in Hellfire has cut class at least once to take a nap in Eddie's van.

-Everyone in the club knows that Eddie deals but unless they have intent to buy they keep their mouth shut.

-Eddie won't sell to freshmen. Period.

-The club doesn't do much outside of school. Of course, Corroded Coffin has band practice but that's about it.

-Once in a blue moon they will do "side quest day". The club will go to the arcade and play games and if they manage to impress Eddie, he might give them a buff or inspiration for the next session. This rarely happens though.

-Eddie runs a very tight ship with Hellfire. If you're committed to being part of the club outside of being a sub, you better take it seriously. You absolutely are required to wear the shirt during the school day. He's definitely given out punishments for not wearing the shirt

-He isn't unreasonable though. If you can give him a good reason why you can't do something he's willing to work with you. Eddie has the respect of his club for a reason.

-They absolutely are not allowed to be lighting candles in the prop department, but they do anyway.

-Eddie's chair is his and his alone. Don't try and sit in it. (*If no one else is around you might be able to get away with it. Just don't try it in front of the whole club.)

-Everyone got really into playing cards at lunch for about a month, betting snacks until a teacher shut that down. Sometimes they'll still try and play after school.

-Most of the club has been playing the same character for years from level one. Eddie prefers a clean slate character. Subs are able to create characters closer to where everyone is.

-if you're joining late in the game, you can create a leveled character, but you'll be a few levels behind everyone until you prove yourself.

-If you need to get up and move around a bit during the session, that's alright, but there is a clear line that you can't cross. Try and peak behind the screen and you're in trouble.

-You don't need to have the Advanced Dungeons and Dragons handbook memorized, but he expects at least basic knowledge if you're serious about the club. You absolutely need to understand your character race and class

-Eddie is not afraid of 'rule of cool' if you can sell your point hard enough. He isn't a full rules lawyer, but he isn't here to make this easy. Fun? Yes. Challenging? Frustratingly so.

-There has been a blow out fights over rules before. Tensions were running high with midterms and everyone having a shitty day. Someone's character died, Hellfire was cut short that night as everyone went and cooled off. That was the one time that Eddie scrapped a session and agreed to a do-over.

-Eddie is easier to talk to one-on-one outside of club. He's genuine with his love for Hellfire, but he's more likely to let his walls down when it's just him and someone else.

-He used to skip class a lot, but has been genuinely trying to graduate now. Now he only skips maybe once or twice a month.

-Gareth isn't allowed to have his drumsticks at the table anymore.

[my-great-big-book-of-fan-fiction]

The Taming of Man: chapter Fourteen - Dragon Shifting!Katsuki Bakugou x F!reader

yet another chapter, as I said I will be writing for a greater "ending," but don't worry, It's not an ending for real! I just like to tell myself silly little lies sometimes! On a more serious note, After the true story ending, I'll still write some domestic stuff with Reader and Katsuki. That might give you some insight into how the story truly ends, but to be fair, there are only 2 requirements for romance, and that's a central love story and an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending. Google it, it's true.

Words: 3,538

This is incredibly based on the song The Willow Maid by Erutan, I highly recommend giving it a listen for the best experience.

Warnings: Cursing, reader is She/Her and is AFAB, Talk of impregnation, talk of menstruation and ovulation, Katsuki is VERY sexy

Even the baths were different here. the tub was a half-cylinder, long enough for anyone to lay down in, and given that it was made out of sealed wood you were pretty sure it was part of a hollowed and carved out tree.

the thick sides had 6 divots, each filled with different types of bathing products. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash, body oil, and hair oil. Katsuki told you not to use the body oil, as it was made specifically for the tougher Dragonborne skin, nails, and scales.

The only scented items were the oils, and they smelled like Katsuki. It led you to believe that the burnt caramel and musky smell was all him, and the smoke, leather, and spices were the body oils.

It was nice, being surrounded by his scent as you soaked. Well, it wasn't really soaking. The servants filled the tub up about 3 inches, so if you wanted your body completely wet you had to turn or run a sponge over yourself. It made sense, water was hard to come by here, but being someone used to being fully submerged made this process annoying. Still, you managed to wash all over, to clean your hair, you even added a bit of that hair oil.

by now you were done, just sitting in the water and thinking. Hoping Ochako was ok, hoping all the scary things were over, hoping Katsuki truly still loved you after everything. It was all anxiety at this point, especially that last one. maybe it was time to get out.

You looked around for a towel, only to realize you left it on the bed. You sighed, standing anyway. Katsuki was having lessons right now, he said he'd be gone for an hour, so you should be safe to run out real quick and dry off. You took ginger steps to the door, doing your best to not make puddles, and walked out of the bathroom.

He was gone, just like you thought. you took a glance around, quickly noticing the white towel just where you left it. you sighed and grabbed it, unraveling the fabric and bringing it to your body.

Just as you were about to wrap it around yourself, the door swung open. You screamed, quickly throwing the towel across your body in a haphazard way of covering it up. Whipping around, you saw Katsuki, beet red, with a few books and a bundle of fabrics in his hands.

"Oh, It's just you," you sighed, relaxing a bit and properly wrapping the towel around yourself.

"What the hell are you doing," he asked, clearly flustered, head turned to the side to avoid looking at you.

"Relax, I just left my towel out here," you explained, raising your brows at how embarrassed he was. You honestly didn't see it as that big of a deal, you were fast enough so that he didn't see much.

"You shouldn't be walkin' around like that, what if someone else saw you?"

He was being weirdly defensive about this, it wasn't that big of a deal.

"But someone else didn't see me, you barely saw me," you countered, furrowing your brow in annoyance and confusion.

He pressed his lips together, physically shutting his mouth to keep from arguing too much, and yet a few grumbles about doing stupid things and springtime seemed to slip out.

what was with him and spring? It had to be about mating, right?

before you could ask, he handed you the fabrics and set the books on the bed. "What's this," you ask, your attention no longer on your frustration with him.

"Clothes," he answered shortly, glancing down at your body for a moment. "You should wear them."

If you didn't know any better, he was telling you to cover up. "I will. later."

"What do you mean later? Are you just gonna walk around in a towel," he asked, not buying it.

"Maybe I will," you taunt, setting the bundle down. there were 6 dresses, as well as some intimates that had been hiding in the center of the bundle. he did his best to keep his eyes on yours, and not the underwear. You didn't get him, he could be so crude some days and so bashful others. They were just clothes, it was just your body, what was the point?

"You'll catch a cold," he huffed, his fingers reaching to touch the ends of your wet hair. You sighed, glancing to the side as you thought of an answer.

"y'know what? You're right, Katsuki, I should change." You drop your towel right then and there, taking your time grabbing a dress and underwear to put on. He practically chokes on air, looking away with a fire red blush. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Getting dressed," you say plainly, slipping on a deep purple dress. It was just like the other red one, it might be from the same shop you went to before, except this one had a corset style back. "Lace me up?"

"You need to think before you do things, idiot," he grumbles. Despite how flustered he was, he still reached out to do as you asked. He pulled the strings as tight as they would go, a bit of vengeance for your behavior. It wasn't actually too tight, it wasn't a real corset, but it elicited a light gasp from you. "What? should I just not put on clothes," you ask tauntingly, crossing your arms.

you could practically hear his eyes roll, a heavy sigh leaving him. "You argue too much," he scoffed, taking the laces and beginning to tie a bow. Before he could, though, something caught his eye. Your bra's back wing. The pretty deep blue that complimented your skin so well, accompanied by golden lace detailing.

He didn't have the guts to pick all your intimates out, but those nosey shopkeepers figured out what he was doing and picked them out for him. He was annoyed at first, but now that he saw how good just the back-strap looked on you, they were forgiven. He took in a breath and undid the cords again, causing you to turn your head back a bit. "What're you doing?"

"It's not tight enough." "Oh."

You figured, even though he yanked on them earlier, it wouldn't actually lace it up enough.

He pulled it all out, opting for simply redoing it from the start. You sighed, standing and waiting for him to finish. He stared for a moment, admiring your figure, unable to look away from the part of your back that was on full display. Every mark seemed so perfect to him, so exactly you.

He swallowed and looked down at the cord in his hand, beginning to thread it through the holes. You glanced back every once in a while, taking in his focused face. At one point, he felt you were too far away, and so he grabbed your waist and pulled you backward a step or two, his calloused thumbs resting on the small of your bare back.

"Couldn't you have just walked forward," you ask teasingly, to which he shook his head. "hey, who's helping who right now? I do what I want."

"Alright, alright," you shrugged, putting your hands up to say you were dropping it. The proximity allowed you to feel his breath fan across your shoulder as he breathed out his nose, and hear as he breathed in.

He could smell that hair oil, he could smell himself on you, and vice versa. You slept in his bed, you just bathed in his tub, and apparently now you used his oils. It was such a rush, something in him craved more of those things.

You could feel his knuckles brush against your back every time he had to thread a cord under instead of over, the repetitive sensation moving down your body the more he threaded. He'd pull the cords as he made his way down, being sure the fabric was sutured together perfectly, until he finally made it to the last set of eyelets. he tied a tight bow at the bottom, being sure it'd be easy to take out later, even taking the time to check if the strings were even.

He took you by the hips and turned you around, wanting to see if it was tight enough in the front. You looked up at him, watching as he studied your waist to be sure the dress fit nicely. He was focused, truly just wanting to make sure it looked right.

He glanced up from your waist, taking a brief stop at your bust, before meeting your gaze with an expression only described as impassioned. "'m done," he stated huskily, one hand dropping from your body, the other moving up to your waist.

You glanced down at his lips for a moment, before bringing a hand to his face, your fingers right below where his jaw, ear, and neck connected. You leaned in, and he met you in the middle, his lips colliding with yours, his free hand on the side of your neck as the two of you kissed.

It was another instance of those passionate kisses, ones fueled by the flames in your stomachs. you felt his tongue slide across your bottom lip, and without question you opened your mouth, your head tilting to the right as his tilted to the left. The two of you turned a little, your back now to the bed, and he took a step forward. You stepped back, falling to a seated position on the bed as he leaned over you, the torrid kissing unyielding. you shifted uncomfortably, you were sitting on something hard.

Opening your eyes, you looked down, seeing you were sitting on top of the books he brought earlier. He opened his eyes too, slowly pulling back, a string of saliva momentarily holding the two of you together.

They were the books you hadn't finished the last time you were reading. "Oh, yeah," he mumbled, gently pulling you to the side so that you were no longer on top of them. "It'd be easier if you just read 'em here, so I went and got 'em," he explained, eyes flicking between your eyes and your lips.

"Aw, thank you," you say happily, taking a look at what he brought, your head turned. "Yeah yeah, I'm the best," he said, leaning back in and impatiently kissing at your cheek and jaw, wanting you facing him again. You laughed, turning your head and catching his lips on yours. He let out a soft groan, more like a sigh, his hand idly caressing up and down your side.

Suddenly, there was a sound at the door, someone knocking. Katsuki huffed, he was tired of being interrupted. "What the hell do you want," he called out, turning his head a bit to ask before attacking you with a few more sloppy kisses.

"It's me," the voice called. Kirishima. "The queen wants to see (Y/n)."

"Tell her we're busy," Katsuki barks. "It's fine, I should go," you say, sitting up a bit. He scowls, but allows you to get out of bed. "I'm coming," you call, teasing your damp hair a little out of nervousness. Katsuki grabs your wrist, pulling you back in for one final kiss, this one deeper and more intense than any of the others thus far. "Hurry back, idiot."

"I will," you whisper, a smile on your face as your cheeks grow pinker. He glances away, the way you look up at him still makes his knees feel weak, no matter how many times you've done it.

You leave the room, greeting Kiri and asking what the queen needs.

"Not sure, but she doesn't seem angry, so you'll be alright," he says cheerily, patting you on the back as he leads you to the garden, where she'd like to meet you.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was sitting in bed, staring off into the distance, lost in thought. He told you to hurry back, but...what would he do once you got here? kiss you more? The way things were going, the next natural conclusion would be to have sex. Was he ready for that? He was 23, he was more than adult enough, but he had some other inhibitions. He had no experience...you hadn't even said "I love you" to each other yet...but then again...

Mating season was coming soon, this might be his last chance before having to worry about getting you...no, this wasn't his last chance. He had a couple weeks. He wanted to do it now, physically at least, but he couldn't. The cons outweighed the pros. Still, that didn't mean he couldn't do a little research.

He got up, walking to his dresser and opening the bottom drawer. He pushed away piles of old clothes, pulling out a heavy book. The Lystens Buch. His dad gave it to him to do some "self discovery" when he gave him the talk. Absolutely mortifying for an 11 year old, which is why he hid it away. It was a book full of everything to do with sex, sexuality, love life, tons of stuff.

He'd be focusing on the sex.

What it is, how it works, and most importantly, how to make it pleasurable. He's pretty sure he's got the first two covered, but just in case. It was made by Dragonborne a long time ago, but it covered other races beyond Dragonborne, ones who had different anatomies. Maybe it had stuff about faeries.

When you arrived at the Garden, Mitsuki was already waiting, seated on a bench between two rows of sun kissed roses. She shooed Kiri away after a quick thank you, then gestured for you to sit with her. You obliged, swallowing a little with nerves.

"I'd like to know...how much has Katsuki told you about Dragonborne mating?"

That was out of left field, but whatever.

"Uh...not much...M-Ma'am."

"Please, call me Mitsuki," she laughed, finding your nerves amusing.

You laughed a little, looking down at your feet. "He's told me a few things, he said it's like getting married, that it's mainly about s-sex..."

You struggled to think of much else, although you knew there was some other stuff.

Mitsuki shook her head, sighing as she looked up at the sky. "That boy, How does he-" she cut herself off to sigh again, looking to you.

"Well, there are some things you have to know, if you plan to stay with him-"

"I do," you answer quickly, maybe a little too quickly.

she lets out a breath of laughter, giving you a big smile. "Do you love him, then?"

You pause, looking down again and thinking. Finally, you look up to the palace and say with a firm tone, "Yes. Very much so."

"Good...that's good. But, I have to be honest with you, these next few months might be challenging."

"Will they?" You cock your head slightly, concerned.

"It will be spring. Do you have spring, where you're from?"

You pause, the question felt absurd, but the more you thought the more you realized it was good she asked, given she knows next to nothing about your people.

"Well...what is spring like here?" You didn't want to answer too quickly, you might have different definitions.

She smiled, saying, "It's lovely. It gets a little cooler, the grass brightens up, the trees get some color...love is in the air..."

You smile too. "Ah...then it sounds a lot like my spring."

"Well, during the spring, we Dragonborne have a certain...well, a biological inclination..." she rubs her brow, frustrated.

"There's just so much to cover, I'm not sure where to start...alright...all mating is done during the spring. Dragonborne can fornicate during other times, but are unable to reproduce until springtime. Do you faeries have anything like that?"

"I don't think so...we can reproduce all year."

"I see...Katsuki will be going through some changes, and I'm not sure how he'll react to you. Male Dragonborne cycles are largely effected when they sense their desired mate is ovulating, it does a big part in starting their mating process, besides the time itself. With you and your...different system, I don't know what will happen..."

You can see why she's the queen, she's extremely well educated, at least in this field.

"Um, if It helps, female ovulation is on a monthly cycle. There are usually around 6 days of possible fertilization, but about 24 hours of time actually ovulating...t-that'd be on the 3rd day."

Looks like those books on reproduction back home paid off.

She hummed in thought, taking in the information. "and...when would you say your next ovulating day is?"

God, this was so weird. The sudden realization made your cheeks flush red. "Uh...well...my last period was...so It should be...in a week, I guess?"

She nodded, looking down. "I'm assuming you won't want a child, just yet?"

"No, not yet," you say hurriedly. You've always wanted children, but it was so early in the relationship, and you weren't anywhere near ready.

"We may just have to separate him."

"Separate him?"

"In order to keep him from doing anything rash...Spring is just a little too close..." she looked to your face, seeing your concern.

She gave you a reassuring smile, saying, "He will be ok. This is somewhat common, for people who do not wish to have children. He will be kept in the treasure room, and believe me, every dragon, part human or not, is happy with treasure."

A treasure room? You suppose it's how it sounds.

"How...what will he be like?"

She sighs, standing. "The hormones will certainly affect him, especially with how sensitive he is."

Sensitive was never a word you'd use to describe him, but now that you thought of it, it fit well...volatile, that was an even better word. You stood too, and the two of you began to walk back to the palace.

"At his worse, he'll be desperate, frustrated. For him, that will look like anger...violence....but, before hand, you might find him to be quite sweet. I don't know, he hasn't been sweet a day in his life," she scoffed, laughing.

You laughed too, but said, "I find him to be quite sweet rather often...he treats me well."

Mitsuki's face seems to change a little, from laughter to something like quiet pride. She's proud of her son.

Eventually you reached the castle once more, and before you go inside she takes your hand. "If you have any questions, please find me...and if Katsuki tries anything alarming let me know."

You nod, and the two of you go inside, eventually going your separate ways. By now, you were able to find your way to Katsuki's room...nowhere else, though.

When you walked in, you were greeted with the sight of Katsuki laying in bed, concentrated on a book.

The title was scrawled on the front, Lystens Buch, and you took a couple steps closer. He didn't even know you were there, he was so focused. You kinda wanted to scare him, but he finally noticed you once you touched the bedpost.

His eyes shot up to you, before he sighed and shifted. "How the hell are you so quiet," he asked, setting the book to the side.

"Whatcha reading," you ask, not knowing the language the title was in.

"None of your business...what'd Ma want with you?"

You glanced to the side. You shouldn't lie, no point in doing so.

"She wanted to fill me in on all the crap about mating you never told me," you said, your tone accusatory as you cross your arms.

He rolls his eyes, standing up to walk over to you. "like what," he asked, Taking a lock of your still damp hair and twisting it in his fingers.

"Like, all the important stuff," you answer, poking him in the chest.

"What, like we turn into full dragons during the entire mating season?"

"Y-you do?!" Just the thought of having sex with him like that made you cringe, even if you weren't going to do anything together anyway.

He cackled, grinning from ear to ear. "No, stupid. You believe anything, don't you," he asked, flicking your forehead.

"Ugh, you're such an asshole," you huff, pushing his chest gently, turning away to hide your intense embarrassment.

"You love it," he teased, not moving an inch from your pushing.

"I love you, not that," you scoff, not even realizing the words that came out of your mouth.

His laughing stopped, almost instantly, his gaze hardening as he became serious. "What?"

You froze too, looking to him as you searched for the words. "Uh...I...I love you," you repeat. No going back now.

He looked no where but your eyes for seconds, before looking down with red cheeks. "G-good. I love you too...so there."

You smile, sighing with relief. Gently, you take his face in your hand, coaxing him to look at you by kissing his cheek. He turned his head, greeted with a kiss on the lips. With your eyes. Loving eyes. Perfect eyes.

"I love youuu," you coo tauntingly.

"Don't push it dumbass."

"You're not gonna say it back?"

"...I love you..."

I'M BACK BABY, I made it out of the block and I couldn't be happier! Also, might be weird, but I feel proud of myself for managing to write in a version of the Kama Sutra. On another note, does anyone read these? I'm sure someone does. Hey, people who read these, put something in the comments. A ⭐, it'll be our little secret. Love you as always, stay safe out there.

@sky-angel101 @the-galaxy-fiend @chixkadee @ssplague @sappho-the-kitten-tamer @andysdrafts @daria-rona @tanjirofan63 @aizawaslut09 @tsukiiomii @me1297

[mlove44lh]

Don´t hurt yourself

Chapther 5 - Emptiness

Masterlist

Previously chapter

Warnings: mention of cheating, angst, swearing,

Words: 3.561

“God was in the room when the man said to the woman, "I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in." Sometimes when he'd have her nipple in his mouth, she'd whisper, "Oh, my God." That, too, is a form of worship.”

"He's here.” I didn't see his car or the lights in our apartment on, but I'm sure of it. It's like I can still feel his presence even though he's meters away. At least that hasn't faded away yet.

The tears from the earlier breakdown are still on my face, but I'm calmer now.

"He’s better be. Now come on, I'll help you upstairs."

Alessia unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the driver's door, but I grab her arm to stop her from getting out of the car.

"No, I'm fine. Let me go alone."

"Are you crazy? Look at you, Y/n. I'm not going to..."

"I'm serious," I interrupt her. "I don't want to go home being carried. I'm not that bad."

I am feeling terrible, but she doesn't need to know how much.

Alessia stares at me for a few seconds before relenting and closing the door on her side.

"Alright, but I'll stay right here, in case you need anything throughout the night. Just to make sure you're okay."

"Go home. I've already caused you enough trouble today. I'll be fine, I promise."

We stay silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.

"You know, if you need help hiding his body, I can assist you."

I chuckle amidst the mess of tears at her comment.

"I'll let you know."

I open the car door and unbuckle my seatbelt. Alessia grabs my hand before letting me get out of the car.

"Y/n. I..." Her eyes tell me what I already know. We've always had a crazy connection where sometimes words aren't even necessary.

"I know. I'll call you when I can."

We exchange a lingering look before I finally let go of her hand and step out of the car. Alessia nods, her eyes filled with concern, and I close the door behind me.

I glance back one last time before stepping into the building. My agitation is palpable, and I can feel my whole body trembling as I wait for the elevator to arrive at the top floor apartment. I try to envision my next steps, but my mind is so muddled that I can't hold a coherent thought for more than a few seconds.

I look at my reflection in the elevator mirror and can't recognize myself through the blurry makeup and the dark bags under my eyes. Just this realization makes me want to cry again. I never thought I would reach this point, never thought it would hurt this much.

I take the key out of my bag as soon as the elevator doors open, revealing the entrance of my home. My hands tremble slightly, and I struggle a bit to place the key in the lock, but I manage to open and close the door without making too much noise. The apartment is dark, and I refrain from turning on the lights to avoid drawing attention. I take off my heels and take a few cautious steps, only to bump into the side table near the entrance with a loud thud. The sound echoes throughout the apartment, cutting through the silence of the night. I release a frustrated sigh and feel a sharp pain in my hip from the impact. I remain motionless for a moment, waiting to see if I've been noticed.

What the hell am I doing? Why am I trying to avoid being noticed by him? Why do I feel like I have to hide my current state? It's not like he doesn't know the way he left me.

The questions echo in my mind, mixed with the throbbing pain in my hip. Angrily, I throw my heels away, watching them hit the floor with a muffled clatter. So I sit on the cool living room floor, leaning against the wall. I feel the hot tears run down my face again, I feel so much that I couldn't even name it now. My crying now isn't compulsive like earlier, but I don't make myself try to hide the tears anymore, I don't care what I look like, or how Lewis is going to find me here, I'm tired, so fucking tired.

I can hear footsteps approaching, but I don't move from my spot.

Lewis appears in the room, his gaze surprised as he sees me sitting on the floor in this state. He's wearing only a sweatpants that I gave him shortly after we first met. A wave of sadness envelops me as I see the worn fabric and faded colors of this garment that I had asked him several times to throw away. But he always refused, telling me it had sentimental value.

The sight of that sweatpants is a painful reminder of how we started and where we are now.

The feeling of loss is poignant. I feel like I've lost not just Lewis, but also a part of myself. My hands tremble, and my heart clenches with the overwhelming sadness that consumes me.

Lewis looks disconcerted, unsure of what to say or do in the face of my state. His eyes fill with remorse, but the words seem to elude him. He tries to approach, but I move away.

"No!"

It's the only thing I can say. It's a plea, and he knows it, as he immediately backs away upon hearing my single word.

"Y/n, let me help you.”

There's pain in his voice, but it also sounds harsh.

"You want to help me?! When all of this is your fault?"

Lewis crouches down, getting closer to my height. I shouldn't say anything now, I'm still drunk, sad, and angry, anything that comes out of my mouth now will likely be regrettable. But I don't think I have much more to lose, so I keep letting the words flow.

"A guy bought me a drink today. A fucking dry martini.” I look at him, trying to discern any change in his expression. But Lewis remains unmoved. “And I accepted. I accepted because I realized what he wanted with it, and I wanted to try to understand. I wanted to see if I could...”

The incessant tears become more potent, and I have to focus on my breathing to maintain some semblance of calm.

"He was handsome. He thought I was beautiful too. He wanted to take me to his hotel room and fuck me." I keep my eyes fixed on Lewis. "You know, I've never been so hurt in my life, I never thought I could feel so angry at you. And even though..." Some sobs escape from me. "And even though, I couldn't even consider the idea of cheating on you.”

My head is still resting against the wall, and I don't have the strength to even maintain a posture.

"The only thing I can think of is why. What led you to do this to me? What made you come to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough and cheat on me with her? And why did you do this to me at the worst moment of my life?"

Tears well up in my eyes again as another wave of sorrow hits me.

"This isn't love, Lewis. This can't be love."

Lewis finally moves, walking towards me and helping me to get up. I don't pull away from him this time, knowing that if he doesn't take me away from here, I'll be sitting on this floor all night.

I stand up with his help, and Lewis carries me to our room, leading me to the ensuite bathroom. Tears are streaming down his face as well, but he doesn't make a sound, nor does he look directly at my face.

He let go of me to turn on the shower, and I lean against the sink counter.

He turns to look at me after the water starts flowing. With great care, he removes each piece of my clothing. I look into his eyes that avoid meeting mine, and he does everything without showing anything other than sadness.

The warm water against my skin helps me relax, even if only slightly. He leaves the bathroom and doesn't come back. I wait for his return, but there is none. The sound of the water falling prevents me from hearing much of what is happening outside the bathroom.

As the effects of the alcohol wear off, I begin to feel shame and fear creeping in.

When I finally feel calmer, I turn off the shower and step out of the stall, still feeling a bit shaky. I walk to the closet where the hanging clothes seem blurred to my swollen, tear-filled eyes. I dress myself before even thinking about what I'm going to do.

I leave the room and come face to face with his figure, sitting in one of the chairs at the dining table, seemingly waiting for me.

As I stare at him, standing still in front of the bedroom door, his expression is one of exhaustion. He looks older than he did just a day ago. His eyes are red and tears stain his face.

Despite the hurt and anger I feel, my heart clenches at the sight of Lewis in such a state. I never wanted this, but still, I feel guilty for our situation.

What Emma said is true, I was very happy with him for many years.

I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I never thought he could hurt me this much.

"Are you feeling better? Sober?" His voice comes out hoarser than usual.

"Yes," I whisper.

"Then sit. Please." He points to the chair in front of him.

I think about ignoring him, but I don't want to act as I should anymore, I want to act as I want. And now what I want is to hear what he has to say. So I comply with his request and sit in front of him. I don't think I have anything else to say to him, but I realize he has a lot to say as he looks at me again.

Lewis looks at me for some time before gathering the courage to start speaking. The first rays of sunlight begin to invade the apartment.

"It was at the Monza Grand Prix. The first race weekend since... that happened." He lowers his gaze as he mentions the last part, and I feel a shiver run through my entire body. "You stayed home. I think that was the first time in my life that I raced without caring about the result. I knew I didn't need to go that weekend; Toto had made that clear. But I don't know, I thought that if I could focus on something, I could take some of that feeling out of me. But no, I didn't focus on anything for a single second. It was a terrible weekend, and I shouldn't have gone.”

Lewis still doesn't look at me. His tension is almost palpable, and his melancholy seems more evident with each passing second.

"I felt so much anger, so much hatred towards myself. For some reason, I felt guilty for not being able to give you what you wanted, what we wanted. I could barely look at you, not because I blamed you or anything, but because I blamed myself. And I regret so much not even trying to talk to you, not forcing you to talk to me. I knew you wanted to talk. But back then, everything was so painful and confusing." He takes a few seconds to breathe before continuing. "On Sunday, my flight got delayed by a few hours, remember?” I don't answer him, just move my head down millimeters to show him I understand, and that he can proceed. “I didn't think it was worth booking another hotel room, so I decided to spend that time at the hotel bar. It was empty, almost dawn already. I just wanted that feeling inside me to go away, so I started drinking. And she showed up, all alone. I didn't know who she was, but she knew who I was, and it seemed like she knew exactly what to say.”

Lewis lifts his gaze to me, perhaps to see if I'm still following along. My body burns, the pain I feel as I listen to every word that comes out of his mouth seems to be physical. But I remain still, waiting for him to continue.

"We had some drinks. And after a few hours, she asked me to accompany her to her room. And I went. And when we got there, she asked me if I wanted to come in. And for some reason, I said yes.”

He continues to look at me, and I continue to look at him. We are sitting just inches apart, but the feeling is as if he is miles away. Until this moment, I hadn't stopped to imagine how he was able to do what he did. I wasn't aware that I needed this explanation. Although it doesn't bring me comfort, at least now I am aware, and I no longer need to speculate and hurt myself with my own imagination.

"I don't know why I did what I did. And it didn't feel right at any moment. I knew it was wrong, I mean, it wasn't out of my control or anything like that. I did what I did fully aware, even though I was miserable. But at that moment, I didn't care about anything."

His hands are tightly intertwined, with the tendons clearly visible, showing a strong grip.

"I left that room, and it didn't take long for regret to hit me. I cried all the way back as if it could undo what I did. I decided not to tell you because it was a mistake that meant nothing, and no one would find out." His pauses become more frequent. "I came home determined to change our situation, to help us overcome that moment. But you were so deeply absorbed in your sadness that you didn't move to change, and I understand, but at that moment, I felt frustrated. And again, I didn't push myself or push you to take any action, I just accepted it, or rather, I gave up.”

I feel my breathing getting heavier. But I don't think I have any tears left to cry.

"I found out who she was weeks later, when I met Matteo in Brackley and he showed me a picture of her. I thought I couldn't feel any worse, but the guilt multiplied at that moment, not because of him or her. But because I knew that you would eventually meet someday, and that even without knowing, you would see in person the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. She became real at that moment.”

"I met with her afterwards. I asked to speak with her after I found out who she was, thinking it would put an end to it, not wanting to take any risks. But..." He pauses, knowing he doesn't need to continue. They kept meeting, it's obvious. "It lasted for a few weeks, I found ridiculous reasons to make myself believe that none of it was wrong. Every time you cut off contact or kept your distance, I believed even more that there was a reason for what I was doing. But it all ended things before November. I think I snapped out of that numbness and apathy and realized what I was doing at the same time as I watched you trying to get better. I decided to end it and hoped it would never affect you. I never wanted to tell you, thought I could hide it and go back to normal. But of course you noticed, and the more distant you became, the more distant I became too. Not because I didn't care, but because I was afraid you would find out and give up on me. But I didn't realize that by doing that, I only made our situation worse.”

He separates his intertwined hands and extends one of them towards me, slowly, as if wanting to make sure I will allow the contact. I'm indecisive, unsure if I want or can handle the touch at this moment. But before I can make a conscious decision, I feel Lewis' hand on mine, which is resting on the table. His hand is warm and firm, and I feel his fingers gently closing around mine. It's a comforting gesture, yet it hurts like never before.

"You said I looked at her the same way I looked at you, but that's not true, Y/n. I never even looked at her in any other way than to fulfill a stupid need that I thought I had. She will never be half of who you are. It was never your fault, and it never will be. I love you more than anything, and I tried my best in everything I did for you, until the moment I broke our relationship in a way that I don't know if it can be fixed." His hand tightens around mine. "I won't insist on you giving me a second chance. Not after tonight. What you said and how you're feeling right now, it's more devastating for me than I thought possible. I want us back, but if you don't want that, I'll understand. I love you too much to push for it after what I've done to you.”

His voice comes out choked with tears, which hurts me deeply. I desperately wish I could say something to ease the weight we both carry, but the words elude me, and there's nothing I can offer to improve our situation right now.

I only decide to speak up once I'm sure he's finished telling me what he needed to say.

"I don't think you can truly understand what I've been through and what I'm going through right now," I say in a calmer tone than I expected. I watch Lewis cry in front of me as I try to formulate what I'm going to say. He breaks eye contact, but I keep looking at him. "And I will never know your feelings and what led you to do what you did.”

Gently, I pull my hand away from his touch.

"Look at me," I say. He turns his gaze towards me instantly. "But I still love you. More than I should. But I don't know if that's enough.”

"It's okay.” His expression falls again, I never thought I would see him like this, but I also never thought I would be in this state.

“I'm not sure if I want to end this. And I don't want to think about it anymore today. I'm exhausted, Lewis, exhausted from thinking and trying to understand. I just need some time away from everything.”

“I can spend another night away.”

“No. It's okay. You can stay here.”

I get up and walk towards him, closer than I have been in the past few weeks. Lewis is sitting down, so his height is a bit shorter than mine. His hands rest on the sides of my legs, and he leaves them there. And I don't mind the contact, nor do I move to pull away.

"I'm not worried about forgiving you," his eyes shimmer. "I'm worried about what will happen if I do forgive you. How I can trust you again? how I can no longer be afraid or ashamed? And all of this seems so much more complex than I could handle, even with all the love in the world. I don't know how long it would take for me to heal from this.”

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you to be sure, no matter how long it takes."

"I may not come back."

"That’s okay. Just let me know." His eyes are sad, but he seems more relieved now.

I nod as I place one of my hands on his shoulder.

"Let's go. I need to get some sleep."

He accompanies me to the entrance door of the master bedroom.

"Goodnight." The smile on his lips looks pained. He looks at me for a few seconds before heading to the guest room and closing the door behind him.

"Goodnight, Lewis." I say to no one, knowing that my words won't be heard by him.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, I decided to change some things in the story in the last minute 😅. But here it is. Hope you guys liked it, and see you in the next chapter!

Taglist:

@slafgoalskybaby, @justanormalfangirlsworld, @ravenqueen27, @nakamotosmoron, @supersanelyromantic, @maryseesthings, @bebesobrielo, @tenaciousathleteoperatorgarden, @bbhyunee, @missamericana69, @thotsposts

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[imagine-perfect-life-with-him]

Grammy’s 2023

A/N: So I’m no writer and haven’t written anything in years. I had this tumblr though at one point where I was trying to write out the perfect love story. Somewhere along the way I have lost inspiration to write it out although I’ve been living it out in my dreams all this time. I love Harry with all my heart to the point where it sometimes scares me how much you can adore someone you’ve never met and probably never will.

Anyway Grammy’s inspired me again and put such a story in my head that I knew I had to write down. It took me some time and it’s not perfectly written but here it is. So I hope somebody will enjoy it.

Also I decided to write is as a continuation of the story I have started here all those years ago so that’s why it has a name of Harry’s partner rather than Y/N. 

 Grammy's 2023

I woke up to the bell ringing, followed by my two daughters' excited screams saying hi to their grandma.

It must be so late since Harry's mum is already here and I'm just waking up. I rolled on the side and grabbed my phone from the bedside table to check the time, finding out that it was indeed already noon.

Harry must have woken up before the girls since I wasn't woken by one of them slipping into our bed like they usually do.

I got up, wrapped myself in my favorite silk robe and went downstairs, where I was met with Ellie, Daisy and Anne sitting by the dining table making plans for their evening together.

'Mommy' Ellie our oldest exclaimed. ' Nana's here and she said we can have ice cream when we watch daddy on TV'

'Yeah ay cream' the 2 year old baby joined in excitement

'Oh she did? ' I made a surprised face before adding ' Good thing I bought your favorite then' I winked at Anne while girls were jumping to the news.

'Hello darling' Anne greeted me and came up for a hug

'Hi' I smiled wrapping her in my arms ' Do you happen to know where Harry is? ' I asked but before she could answer two strong hands wrapped around my waist.

'Morning Sleepyhead' Harry said into my ear 'You ready for a big day? '

'Morning ' I said turning around to leave a quick kiss on his lips 'can't wait'

'Good cuz everyone is going to be here soon and the chaos will begin' he smirked

We were supposed to be getting ready at a hotel way closer to where the ceremony is taking place but the girls were so bummed they couldn't go to watch daddy perform that we decided to at least have them around for getting ready so they could see our outfits and all.

Just as Harry said not longer than 20 minutes later people started showing up at our doorstep. A make-up artist mostly for me but to touch up my husband as well, Lambert with his whole crew who brought all of our outfits for tonight, Sigourney to do both our nails, caters with ton of food, Anthony to photograph the getting ready part and so many more people that I didn't even know what exactly their part in all of this was.

'Daddy! Daddy! ' both girls run to Harry who was having his nails done while my hair was being done. 'Can Sig do our nails to with your purple polish? Pretty please' Ellie looked up at him with her infamous puppy eyes.

'I don't know if there will be time bugs' he said and put frowns on their faces

' I don't mind doing it' Sigourney said looking at me ' if that's okay with you guys'

'Sure' I said ' let them have their fun babe' I told to Harry

' But nails only, don't even think about make up' he chuckled trying to hold a serious face so they knew he wasn't joking which only made me laugh.

‘Guys! Announcement!’ Jeff says excitedly ‘Harry’s House just won its first Grammy! Best Engineered Album! Congrats man!’ he adds coming up to Harry to give him a hug while everybody cheers

‘Congratulations babe!’ I yell from across the room, not being able to get up from make-up chair. 

Jeff decides it calls for celebration and pours everyone some Champaign.

It was 2 hours later, everyone almost ready, Harry is downstairs getting dressed with his stylist's help and Anne is helping me in our bedroom while Ellie and Daisy watch.

It wasn't easy picking my outfit, I wanted to match with Harry but at the same time it was hard not to clash with him since he is wearing such a colorful and sparkly at the same time jumpsuit. In the end I decided to eliminate color but match by also going sparkly.

'You look stunning sweetie' Anne compliments me when I'm all dressed.

'Sooo pleety' Daisy joins her Nana while Ellie just holds her tiny hand over her mouth in shock.

'I want to be as pretty as you mummy when I'm big' she finally exclaims making my heart so full.

'You're already even prettier now' I tell her while leaning down to hug her. 'Okay. Are you ladies ready to see what your dad is wearing? '

'S he dressed funny again? ' Ellie asks making Anne and me erupt in laughter.

'You'll have to judge on your own bug'

We make our way down and as if he had been waiting for us Harry is looking directly in our direction.

'Oh my! ' he says looking me up and down and gesturing for me to spin around ' aren't you looking breathtaking my love'

'Not so bad yourself ' I smirk coming up to him and stealing a quick kiss. 'However you have to wait for the big judges verdict ' I laugh looking at out babies.

Daisy runs up to us and starts touching Harry's outfit, examining all the crystals. Ellie though taps her tiny lip and acts like she's thinking really hard about what she thinks of his outfit choice.

'Ells what do you think? ' Harry finally asks her

' A little funny' she decides and everyone in the room starts laughing. ' but I like' she adds

‘Thank goodness. ' Harry acts relieved ' we're safe Lambert' he jokes ' you got me worried there darling, thought I would have to change. '

'Can stay like that ' she says with a serious look on her face.

'Guys we should be leaving' Jeff comes into the room with a phone to his ear. ' the driver is pulling up '

'Anthony! Could you please snap a photo of me and my girls? ' Harry asks his photographer before calling the little ones and me to take place next to him.

We take a few photos, Anne also joins in for a few and then it's really time to leave. But not before some really hurt looks from our babies who don't want us to leave.

' Be good for grandma. ' I kneel to look at my babies ' And go on wish your daddy good luck and tell him you love him ' I whisper to them which makes them spring across the room to Harry latching onto his legs

'Good luck daddy!’

‘Oh thank you my loves’ Harry kneels down to them and gives them both a kiss. ‘Be good for grandma and watch out for daddy on TV’  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red carpet was crazy as always. I have so much respect for all those celebrities that do this all the time. You would think that doing it with my husband by my side would be easier but he gets yelled at so badly. It’s like the photographers can’t get a picture of him without screaming his name on top of their lungs first.

Since Harry is not the biggest fan of red carpets as well, after like 2 minutes of having our pictures taken separately he waits up for me and takes my hand to guide us inside after a few shots of us side by side.

Straight from the carpet we go to our backstage room, where the band is chilling as well as some more of our friends. We say hi to everyone and Harry changes into his second outfit. 

‘Don’t you look good Mister’ I wrap my arms around his neck and say directly into his lips before going in for a kiss. He slides his arms around my waist, pulling me as close as possible to his body.

‘Thank you darling’

‘Okay lovebirds, let’s go’ Jeff calls for us. 

We untangle from each other but Harry keeps my hand in his as we make our way to our table. 

We say hello to a few people, including Lizzo and Adele who happen to sit at the table next to ours.

The ceremony starts with Bad Bunny performance to which Harry and I dance in our seats like almost everyone since his music makes it impossible to sit still. After that Trevor Noah starts his monologue while walking across the tables and surely at one point he stops by ours and talks about Harry.

‘Harry Styles is here tonight everybody!’ he announces which makes everyone from the upper seats cheer and Harry gives a quick wave at the camera. ‘ I mean what can you say about this man that hasn’t been said huh?’ he continues ‘Incredible album, mind blowing tour. 15 night run at MSG and the Forum. Woman throw their panties at this man, then he puts them on and he looks better in them than they do’ that makes me cringe and I see Harry shaking his head too. ‘Easily the worlds sexiest man! Are you kidding me?! There’s no competition! Sex symbol of the globe! Especially now since they killed the green M&M!’ he adds before walking away to find his next victim.

‘So much more than just a great body love’ I lean into Harry and whisper into his ear, knowing how uncomfortable Trevor’s comments made him feel.

‘Thank you. Love ya’ he smiles at me and gives me a quick kiss.

The first category that is announced is the Best Pop Vocal Album, in which Harry’s House is actually nominated. Jenifer Lopez comes on stage to announce the winner. Harry squeezes my hand in his and keeps them in his lap as we impatiently wait to find out who won.

‘And the Grammy goes to... Harry’s House Harry Styles!!’ she reads out. 

Without dropping my hand Harry covers his face, shocked at what has just happened. Tom, Tyler and Jeff all go crazy, as well as Lizzo at the next table.

‘You won babe!’ I finally exclaim looking at Harry who uncovers his face and looks at me with pure happiness in his eyes. ‘You got it!’ I add when he cups my face in his hands and kisses me passionately. ‘I love you so much,  go on collect your prize’ I tell him once we separate. Unable to say anything he lets go of me and goes to the stage  with Tom and Tyler to get his award and I go to hug Jeff as we both say how fucking great it is.

‘Thank you so much.’ Harry starts his speech ‘This album from start to finish has been one of the greatest experiences in my life. From making it with two of my  best friends to playing it to people has been the greatest joy I could ask for. So I wanna thank Rob, Jeffery, Tommy, Tom, Tom and Tyler and everyone who inspired this album, everyone, my friends who supported me through it. And most importantly I want to thank my incredible wife, Rosalie and our amazing daughters, Eliie, Daisy I love you! Thank you so much, I wouldn’t be there without you.’

My eyes water listening to him talk and I know our babies are going crazy at home hearing their dad talk about them on TV. 

Harry comes back only after his performance, he has lost in some categories but the biggest one Album of the Year is still to be announced.

He keeps repeating how he’s already so happy to have won even one but I know how much it would mean to him to be distinguished like that.

So when Trevor comes up on stage to announce the winner of this category, I can see Harry tense up and feel him squeeze my thigh tighter. And the moment the host walks up to Rhina, Harry’s fun, I exchange knowing look with Jeff just as the lady reads out ‘Harry! Harry Styles’.

‘Oh my god!! Babe you did it! You did it!’ I scream on top of my lungs, getting up from my seat and almost shaking Harry as he has his head in between his hands. ‘You won!’ I say one more time when he gets up and wraps his arms around me. ‘I am so incredibly proud of you’ I add.

‘Thank you for everything’ he says looking deeply into my eyes before going for a kiss. Too soon for my liking I have to let go of him and watch as he goes on stage. 

The first thing he does is give his fan such a tight hug I worry he might crush her. And then he gives the most beautiful speech that leaves me crying my eyes out.

‘Shit...shit! Man!... I’ve been so inspired by every artist in this category with me. A lot of different times in my life I listened to everyone in this category. I think that on nights like that it’s obviously so important to remember that there is no such thing as best in music. i don’t think any of us sits in the studio thinking, making decisions based on what is gonna get us one of these. This is really, really kind. I’m so so grateful. I would also like to take a moment to thank one more time my wife. Rose I wouldn’t be standing there if it wasn’t for you. I couldn’t do it if it wasn’t for your constant support. I know life with me, especially during periods when I’m working on new music and touring with it, is very demanding and so I’m so grateful for your understanding and patience. Also thank you for being the best mom to our daughters, for taking the best care of them when I have to be away from you and for always making sure they know how much I love them even when I’m not there to tell them myself. As well as for packing them up and jumping on a plane with them to meet me on the other side of the world when you notice how much I miss my babies. I couldn’t wish for a better partner to walk through life with and share those one in a lifetime moments with. So this award is for You. I love you. ‘

I was not kidding when I said I was bawling my eyes out listing to Harry speak. Jeff had to hold me up when we were walking backstage because I was so emotional. And as soon as I walked through the door that had “Harry Styles” written on them I run straight into Harry’s arms.

‘Love? What happened? Why are you covered in tears?’ Harry asked pulling me slightly away from himself to get a better look at me.

‘Why?! It’s your fault! What were you expecting saying all those beautiful words up there?’

‘Ohh... that’s what got you so emotional.’ he pulled me closer to him again ‘Well I meant every single thing that I said. I don’t tell you often enough how much I appreciate you.’

‘I love you’ I whispered ‘And now kiss me before someone steals you from me because I can already see a line of people wanting to congratulate you’ I asked him and he did just that before allowing other people in the room to have his attention.

I took this opportunity to text Anne and get started with our secret plan. Well almost secret as I had to include several people to help me pull it off.

To Anne:

He did it!!! Did the girls see his speech?

From Anne:

I knew he would!! They did! Got so excited too! I filmed it , I'll send it to you.

To Anne :

send it to Harry. I don't want him looking at my messages with you to not ruin the surprise

To Anne:

Btw the plan is on, you can start getting them ready, I'm calling the driver now so he should pick you guys up in like half an hour.

From Anne:

sounds great! See you soon!

Just as I put my phone away, Harry's that has been in my purse signaled incoming text, I checked it and it was in fact video from Anne of Ellie and Daisy watching Harry's win announced.

'Babe, your mum texted you girls reaction to your speech. ' I told Harry handing him his phone. 

He took it and straight away played the recording in which Ellie was telling her younger sister to keep her fingers crossed so daddy wins this big award, Daisy screaming 'Daddy! Mummy! ' when Harry and I were shown on TV and then, them jumping up and down while saying that they daddy won and that he is the bestest.

I looked over at my husband who had tears in his eyes. Oh he has no idea what's coming, I smirk to myself.

Harry is soon taken to do a few interviews and have some photos, with his trophies, taken. All while I'm constantly texting Anne to know where they are. Just as Harry sits down for more pictures I hear Anne trying to talk as quiet as possible, telling the girls to not talk so they can surprise their daddy. They are very good at being silent up to the point when they notice me and they can't stop themselves from calling for me. I quickly bring my forefinger to my lips showing them to be really quiet. However when they bring those tiny baby hands to cover their mouths I almost burst out laughing.

I make sure Harry is to busy to notice what's going on and walk up to my babies. I give them the biggest hug and kisses before taking them to follow me and go up to Harry when I tell them. We make our way to stand almost behind the photographer, from the corner of my eye I see Jeff giving Anthony a sign to get ready to snap some shots to get Harry's reaction to seeing his daughters.

'Okay girls, you can go up to daddy and surprise him' I smile at Ellie and Daisy.

They have the biggest smiles on their faces and their eyes sparkle with excitement as they pass the photographer and get in his way.

Harry notices them straight away and gasps in disbelief.

'What?! What are you doing here my loves?! ' he embraces them with his arms, leaving two statues he's been holding on the bench.

‘You win! ' our younger screams and claps her hands. 'And we saw you sing on TV with granny, and you and mummy' Ellie says excited 'And uncle Jeff and Tom... And, and aunt Lizz' Daisy adds

'Oh my goodness. You saw everyone babies' Harry laughs.

'You! ' he points a finger at me 'You cheeky minx. I don't even imagine how you managed to sneak them into freaking Grammy's. '

'Well I did have a lot of people involved into making that happen. ' I answer ' And it was only possible because you have so many people who love you and wanted to help make you happy'

'Get over here' he orders and as soon as I'm within his reach he wraps his arms around me, brings his lips to my ear and says 'I'm soo very happy. Thank you. You're the best I love you' he kisses me passionately.

Anthony takes some pictures of the four of us and two Grammy statues, of Harry and the girls, us four and Anne and just Harry and Anne.

‘So I promised Ellie and Daisy that they will come with us to get some dinner but then your mum is taking them back home so we can go to the after party.’ I tell Harry when we are in a bathroom together changing into our after party outfits.

‘Sounds like a plan’ he says ‘However I would be just as happy if we went back home with them and ordered some takeaway’

‘Oh I know you would but that’s not gonna happen.’ I tell him as I come closer to him. wrap my arms around his neck and look into his eyes before continuing ‘And I’ve got another surprise... after the after party we will go to the hotel where I have booked a room for us so we can celebrate my three times Grammy winner husband.’

‘Is that so?’ he smirks

‘Mhmm... You most certainly deserve a proper celebration’

‘Tell me more and we’ll be skipping the after party and going straight to that hotel’ he says before kissing me hard.

Before we can get too into the kiss we hear a knock on the door followed by Daisy’s voice asking for her parents. 

We finish getting dressed before coming out and following everyone to the cars that are waiting to take us to Harry’s favorite Italian restaurant.

The entire way to the restaurant Ellie and Daisy are talking nonstop, telling Harry how they were watching him in TV, that they saw mommy and daddy kiss and heard him saying that he loves them. How much they liked his performance and assure him that no one could tell when he tells them about the turn table incident. They also don’t forget to mention how granny was crying when he was saying how much he loves mommy. 

‘By the way how much they talk it’s very obvious that they are your kids Harry’ Jeff laughs at some point from the front seat. 

Once in the restaurant we order more food that we could possibly eat and celebrate Harry in a small circle of his closest people. 

Daisy and Ellie devour their favorite margarita pizzas and beg us to have some dessert. Obviously Harry could not say no to his girls so they finish the meal with a big portion of chocolate cake.

After finishing dinner it’s time to head to the party and for girls to go back home.

‘Mommy! Daddy not leave’ Daisy tears up as we begin to put them in a car with Anne. ‘want cuddle in bed’ she says with those damn puppy eyes 

‘Babe, how about we drop by home on our way, put girls to sleep and then head out?’ Harry asks looking at me with pleading eyes

‘It’s your night Harr, we can do whatever you want’ I lean into him and give him a peck on the cheek. ‘As long as I get you to myself at the end of the night’

‘Someone is very eager to get me out of my clothes. Aren’t you?’ he whispers into my ear with a smirk

‘You look so hot in them that you could very well stay in them while you fuck me’ I reply

‘Damn! You weren’t joking when you said how much you love me in suits.’  he almost moans. ‘As much as I can’t wait for that, let’s go home and put our ladybugs to sleep.’ he adds and guides me back to the car where our daughters are already strapped in their car seats.

‘Okay lovies. How about mommy and daddy go home with you and put you to sleep and then go to their party?’ he asks them ‘Does that sound like a good plan?’

‘Yes! Yes!’ they exclaim and we get in the car with them after informing Jeff that we will join him and the rest in about 2 hours.

When at home Anne insists she gives Ells and Daisy a bath so Harry and I don’t mess up our outfits. Soon they emerge from their en suit bathroom and join us in their bedroom. We give them each a kiss before I slip into Ellie’s bed with her and Harry cuddles with Daisy. They insist on reading their favorite princess book to which their father happily obliges. 

Not later than half an hour later both our angels are peacefully asleep. Carefully not to wake them we sneak out but have to admire them a little before we leave the room for good.

We go downstairs to where Anne is sitting on the couch in the living room.

‘They’re down already?’ she asks and I nod ‘All the emotions of the day must’ve tired them out pretty badly then’

‘Good it went this way cuz I was scared they wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, going through all the events of their night’ I chuckle

‘True’ she agrees ‘Now you go out, enjoy the rest of the night and I will take care of my grandbabies’

‘Thank you Mum for staying with them’ Harry comes up to her and gives her a kiss on the cheek. ‘We’ll try to be back as early as possible tomorrow’

‘Oh don’t you rush, we will be fine here and I’ll most certainly enjoy some more alone time with them.’

‘Okay we will be in touch then’

‘Great. Have fun you two!’

‘Thank you Anne’ I smile at her and we leave the house, get into the car that has been waiting for us and get to the after party.

I don’t even know who is hosting this party but it’s packed with A-listed celebrities. That being the reason why my husband is very quickly stolen from me to get introduced to many people and have pictures with them taken. I thankfully run into Claudia Sulewski who I met at Coachella last year and hung out with a few times ever since.

We catch up, chat and have a drink until I see Harry approaching us.

‘There you are!’ he says standing behind me and embracing me with his arms. ‘Hi Claudia’ he greets her

‘Hi Harry! Congrats on your big win! Well deserved’ she praises

‘Thank you!’

‘Okay I gotta go find Fineas but it was lovely to see you again and catch up!’

‘Yeah! Say hi to Fineas and Billy from us! I tell her and she walks away

‘So are you done with official part of this party?’ I turn to look at Harry. ‘Met everyone you had to meet? Had all the pictures taken?’ I smirk

‘I guess’ he confirms. ‘Why? You ready to ditch and get naked?’ I burst out in laughter 

‘Not yet Mister’ I put my arms around his neck ‘First we will party properly since I don’t even remember when we last had a night out like that’ I tell him ‘I want to dance until my legs can’t hold me up anymore!’ I exclaim

‘Sounds like a plan’ he chuckles ‘Also heard there is going to be karaoke at some point’

‘You’ve got to be kiddin. We are so singing something!’ I beam. 

We both love karaoke. Harry for an obvious reason and me well I think almost every little girl wanted to be a singer at some point. I cannot sing for a life of god though however it never stops me from having lots of fun doing it.

We do exactly as we said. Dance, sing our usual “Time of my life” together and then Harry sings more with some other people while I dance some more. There is a lot of alcohol involved but not to the point where any of us is drunk unconscious.

It’s around 3 am as we arrive at the hotel that I booked us so we could have some time just the two of us because that was something we didn’t do in a long time with Harry’s crazy schedule and probably won’t be getting again soon considering that the tour will continue in like 2 weeks.

The suite is amazing with huge bed and a big bathroom in front of it separated only by a see through glass wall. There is a huge shower as well as a humongous bath with Jacuzzi settings.

A/N: There might be a part two but I just needed to get this out for now.

Let me know what you thought!

[maochira]

Hello! I've been obsessed with your platonic writings and I have an idea, feel free to ignore it!

What if you tell either bachira, reo, sae, and maybe shidou, that you're aromatic, but yet also a helpless romantic. And you're kinda just sad you have all these cute date ideas, but you feel like you can never experience it.

So they just decide to take you on a platonic date to prove you wrong.

I LOVE THIS ANON IT'S SO CUTE AAHHH THANK YOU😭😭 I'm not aro but I'm a lesbian who's VERY platonically in love with Zantetsu so I'm gonna add him,, added Tokimitsu as well!!

Requests open! - current writing event - masterlist

Characters: Bachira, Reo, Sae, Shidou, Zantetsu, Tokimitsu

Tags: aromantic!best friend!reader, platonic dates, fluff

A/N: Writing these scenarios made me giggle kick my feet doing muffled screams smiling to myself SO SO MUCH

Bachira - Ikea date!

Bachira really wants you to feel loved and wants to make you feel special. He knows how much you'd love to experience all these cute scenarios you always talk about, but none of them ever sounded like something he could put his entire heart into. What mostly stuck in his mind were the domestic scenarios you imagined sometimes. and it gave him an idea. Bachira wants to surprise you, so he pretends he needs to get a new desk and wants your help to choose. Of course, you agree and go along. While you walk through Ikea, Bachira makes you sit down in one of those presentation rooms and starts acting out a scenario you once described to him, in oddly specific detail. It confuses you at first, but you play along and it ends up being a lot of fun. You do that in many more of the rooms, and even if it's silly and childish, knowing Bachira always paid so much attention to what you talked about makes you feel so loved. And even if it's just playing pretend, acting out some of your imagines scenarios makes you very happy.

Reo - shopping date!

When Reo notices you're having a particularly rough day, beating yourself up about how you'll never be able to experience all the cute things in your head more than usual, he decides to take you on a shopping date after school. And from the beginning, he calls it a platonic date. It confuses you a bit, since you've never heard of that before, but to avoid the rest of your day going downhill, you agree to his offer. Reo makes it very clear that he wants to spoil you by buying things that will bring you joy. At first, you hold back a little, but Reo keeps encouraging you to choose more. But because you don't want him to go out without anything for himself, you choose a bunch of matching things you can share with him. After that day, you never see Reo without the matching bracelet on his wrist.

Sae - cat cafe date!

Sae wants to prove to you, that you don't need the romantic aspect to feel so loved. And he's very serious about it. He wants to prove it to you with something special that you will definitely keep in mind for a while. He knows he wants it to be something typical like eating somewhere together, but he always thought there was something missing. It was a coincidence when he found out about the cat cafe in the next city, but he immediately knew it's where he'll be taking you. From the moment he invited you, to the moment you sit down in the cafe, you notice how serious Sae is about this. But the cute cats walking around, asking for his attention make him break the serious facade a little. Sae still acts like he usually does around you, but it's obvious how he puts more effort into making you feel loved by being more affectionate with his words. In the end, you not only feel happy from the cat lying and purring on your lap, but you also feel very loved by your best friend Sae. He definitely proved his point.

Shidou - concert date!

Shidou has never been good at comforting or giving advice, but he's always been there to listen to whatever is on your mind. Usually, he tries to lighten your mood with jokes, but he knows that won't improve anything in the long run. When Shidou finds out your favourite band is playing at a festival nearby soon, he immediately buys tickets so he can take you there. You're surprised by this and insist on paying him back, but he doesn't let you and explains it's his job to pay because he's the one taking you on a platonic date. This surprises you even more, since it's something you wouldn't have expected from someone like Shidou. You're overjoyed and thank him over and over. Both of you look forward to the concert, and it ends up being one of the most fun experiences you've ever had. During your favourite song, Shidou even gets on his knee and pretends to propose to you, which makes you laugh a lot.

(A/N: that last part is based on a thing my friends did at a concert we went to recently, hehe)

Zantetsu - late-night picnic date!

Zantetsu didn't plan to make it a late-night date. His original plan was to surprise you and take you to your favourite spot in the nearby park and watch the sunset together. But he forgot the time and arrived at your place when the sun was already completely set. Still, you're surprised to see him on your doorstep at such a late hour, especially because he's dressed so nicely. Zantetsu is extremely serious about this, that's why he even put on a suit. Zantetsu awkwardly explains his (new) plan to grab some food and drinks at a convenience store and do a late-night picnic in the park. Of course, you agree to it and get dressed in something nice as quickly as possible. You and Zantetsu have so much fun, you end up spending the entire night until sunrise in the early morning together. Sharing that sight with your best friend is a memory that always makes you smile when it crosses your mind.

Tokimitsu - boba date!

Tokimitsu has always hated to see you so sad over how you feel like you're missing out on something. And as your best friend, he definitely wants to let you experience at least a fraction of the thing you've told him about. Usually, Tokimitsu likes to plan things days ahead, so he can make sure nothing goes wrong. But when you ask him to get boba after school, the words "How about we make it a date?" shortly followed by a panicked "a platonic one, of course", slip out of his mouth. Tokimitsu immediately starts apologizing, thinking he crossed a line, but you tell him it's okay and you'd love to make it a platonic date. Tokimitsu always treats you very gently and is careful with you, but that seems to double during your boba date. He also makes sure to remind you to chew the tapioca/bite the popping boba properly, as he's afraid you'll choke on it. It's a bit cliche, but the cliche is what Tokimitsu wants to have you experience, so you share one drink with two straws. Even though there's nothing romantic about it, spending this time with Tokimitsu makes you feel very happy and loved.

[ladysomething]

Hello there lovely human 💛

I’m kind of going around my favorite writers and ask them for advice and insights about their process (so I can collect it all like a hoarder). I hope you mind sharing some wisdom with us 🥺

So what I just don't understand is how you can post as you write while maintaining this level of awesomeness in your writing. Without writing yourself into a corner and keeping consistency. And it is awesome, the first time I read "You and me, we got a big reputation" I stayed up till 4 in the morning to finish it and it left me full of emotion and hollow at the same time (the same way as when you finish a great TV show or a good book or an awesome video game leaves you feeling, like something beautiful just ended and you can never experience it again. The kind of hollow that leaves you wondering what to do with your life now, that your world has changed, where your chest is empty and full at same time).

Anyway, how do you approach your ideas? Do you have the whole fic plotted out before sitting down for the first chapter? Do you write in order? Does it always go the way you plotted it in the beginning? How long did it take you to plot out "Where you go I go"? Or "You and me, we got a big reputation"?

Anything you want to share about your process would be appreciated 💛

I'm trying to put into words my first actually long fic ever and I know it will be better if I post it after it is all finished, but it is also easier to keep up the momentum if you have readers on your side.

hi!!!

firstly, thank you for the love on big reputations. I'm coming up on a year since I posted the first one shot in the don't blame me series, and I'm feeling some type of way about that.

secondly ... man oh man. I'm gonna go question by question here, but I'm gonna put it below the cut because I know I'm gonna ramble.

well the first thing is that I'm not posting as a write, not really. I'm three chapters ahead, which for me is what I need to make sure I don't write myself into a corner. I'm far enough ahead that I can keep control of the narrative. some people like be further ahead, others don't need to be ahead at all, but that's about the appropriate distance for me, I've found.

it depends on the fic! wygig is pretty much entirely plotted out, yeah. big reputations was not. I had a general idea about where it started, how it was ending, and what I wanted to happen in the middle, but specific scenes weren't planned - not like wygig. GMTF I had specific scenes in my head that I wanted to write, but more I had specific emotions I was trying to capture, and I built the plot around that. in my original manuscript, I had the three acts planned out, the main plot points per act, and then felt it out as I went (which ended up meaning I had a serious pacing problem that is still unresolved, hence why it's still sitting in my drafts lmao). so yeah, it depends on the story.

I write in order these days, but I didn't used to. I've just found that, for me, writing in order means that it forces me to keep writing, because I HAVE to go through all the boring scenes to get to the fun scenes. I use it as motivation, but that doesn't work for everyone! it certainly means that sometimes, by the time I get to the fun scene, I've forgotten what I had planned for it, so I have to build it all up again lmao.

no it doesn't always go the way I plotted! characters often do things I hadn't planned for them to do - sometimes good, sometimes bad. I've been going very rogue recently with wygig, as @saiyanwitcher can attest to. she's had to reel me back in quite a lot recently haha.

oh god, it took @saiyanwitcher and I probably .. I'd say we worked on plotting wygig for a solid month before I started writing - BUT the major caveat here is that I was writing the brocedes fic while we were plotting it out. so I refused to start writing wygig until I finished that, which meant we spent more time on plotting than I usually would. and then we revisit plot points as I get closer to writing them - see what can be kept, what needs to be deleted, what needs to be changed to fit the rogue elements I've inevitably introduced lmao

as I said, I didn't really plot big reputations out like I did with wygig, so that didn't really take any time at all! haha

as advice for putting together your first long fic ... what I'll say is this. I've been writing for almost 15 years at this point. I didn't even realise that I was coming up with a way to write that works best for me until I'd already done it.

I realised I needed people to give feedback as I go. I need to have written a lot in advance, before I start posting anything, so that I know I can finish it under my own steam and that my interest will continue. I need to listen to my mind when I get bored, and take a few days break from writing - but I can't go more than a week without touching a fic, otherwise I won't go back.

they're all things you'll learn along the way!

I also think you should try not to compare yourself to others. if you try to match what other people are doing, you'll never finish, because you'll end up disappointed in one way or another. it's easier said than done, for sure, but if it's your first, give yourself some slack and take everything as a learning experience!

and remember, above all else, to write for yourself. if your always writing for yourself, writing what YOU want to see, the motivation is easier to find.

[clangenrising]

Month 5 - Greenleaf

Scorch huffed, scrabbling back up to her feet in what felt like the most undignified matter. Goldenstar stepped back, chuckling, and that chuckle made Scorch’s ears burn with embarrassment. 

“This is ridiculous!” she hissed irritably, “I know how to fight well enough, why do I need to do ‘battle training’?” 

Goldenstar, who had been trying to teach her for at least an hour to little avail, said, “Because I’m not even the best fighter in the Clan. If something happens, you at least have to be able to beat me.” 

Scorch straightened her posture, lifting her tail imperiously, in an attempt to claw back some of her dignity. “Then I just won’t fight. I’m a good enough hunter, I’ll feed your Clan,” there she noted with a twinge in her stomach that Goldenstar’s ear flicked, “and just… stay out of the fighting.” 

“I guess you could,” Goldenstar shrugged, sitting down in the little sandy patch where they had been training. Scorch took that as an invitation to sit as well and did so gratefully. She was exhausted. “There have been cats in Clan history who haven’t been able to fight for one reason or another, it’s not unheard of or unacceptable by any means.” 

I should hope not, thought Scorch, but she said nothing.

Goldenstar continued, “I just worry. Clan life is dangerous, there are foxes and things that come through. Sometimes the Clans go to war and it can get… bloody.” Scorch twitched her tail thoughtfully. 

“Have you ever thought about not doing that?” she asked with a slight scoff. 

Goldenstar laughed awkwardly and smoothed her chest fur down. “Mediators do try to keep it from getting that bad but at a certain point it’s not really up to me, if another Clan wants to fight we either stand our ground or leave our homes.”

“At least you’re alive,” Scorch countered. “Life as a wanderer isn’t that bad.” 

Goldenstar sighed and shrugged again. “For one cat, maybe but for a whole group? To leave the place they’ve always called home, the place their ancestors used to hunt? The stories say if we leave, StarClan has to follow us or we lose our connection to them.” Scorch pursed her lips even as Goldenstar added, “That’s another thing, the River of the Stars is in the mountains here. If we left we would lose our way to speak with them!” 

Scorch took a deep breath and tried to decide how to handle the situation. She took a bit too long, and Goldenstar’s face fell. 

“But you don’t think they exist either, so… I guess that’s not a big loss in your mind…”

Scorch swallowed. “I can understand why it’s important to you,” was all she said. 

Goldenstar shook her head a bit. “I honestly want to take you to see them. If you’d seen the place and talked to them, you would at least know I’m not crazy.” That made Scorch lean forward, brow furrowing with concern. 

“Goldenstar, I don’t think you’re crazy,” she said and genuinely meant it. “I think you’ve been lied to. There’s a difference.” 

The young leader made a frustrated noise in her throat, shifting her weight, and said, “I guess that’s better, but I’m serious, they’re real! I’ve seen them with my own two eyes, they gave me extra lives to protect my Clan with!” 

“Okay, okay,” Scorch said gently, fur starting to prickle uneasily, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I forget myself.” 

Goldenstar frowned. “Hey…” she said, leaning forward to try and make eye contact with Scorch, “You don’t have to do that. You’re allowed to speak your mind. I want you to speak your mind. I’m sorry I’m so difficult.” 

“Let us forgive and forget,” Scorch said, waving a paw dismissively. “And let’s go get some food. I’m so tired of battle training.” 

“Okay,” Goldenstar nodded with a little smile. “Maybe Yarrowshade would have better luck teaching you.” 

“Yarrowshade?” Scorch laughed as they both stood. “He’s too busy fawning over your right-paw to teach me anything.” Goldenstar laughed too. 

“Yeah,” she shook her head, “he needs to stop messing around and just ask her to be his mate already.” 

“Would she say yes?” Scorch asked. Her ears perked curiously. 

“Who knows,” guffawed Goldenstar, “But at least he would stop dancing around the question.” Scorch chuckled and the two of them headed back to camp in good spirits.