#spice java

[the-crazy-echidna-lady]

God save me furry Spice

[thebleedingwoodland]

TS3 - Custom Full Meal

Nasi Ayam Penyet (Indonesian Food Series)

F U N C T I O N A L C U S T O M F O O D

Custom Full Meal mod with stages: Cook, Serve, Eat the food with working Geostates (Full, Half, Empty), made with CCLoader by DouglasVeiga.

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Konon ayam penyet berasal dari Jawa Timur, kemudian menyebar ke berbagai daerah lainnya di Indonesia. Hidangan ini kini mudah dijumpai di banyak daerah, baik di restoran kaki lima maupun di restoran bintang lima.

Untuk membuat ayam penyet, ayam terlebih dahulu dimarinasi dengan berbagai bumbu, kemudian direbus hingga empuk. Kemudian, ayam digoreng hingga matang, lalu ayam dipenyet dengan sambalnya. Hidangan ini disajikan dengan sambal tambahan di sampingnya, biasanya disertai dengan sayuran segar, tempe, tahu goreng, dan nasi.

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It is said that penyet chicken originated in East Java, then spread to various other regions in Indonesia. This dish is now easily found in many areas, both in street food restaurants and five-star restaurants.

To make penyet chicken, the chicken is first marinated with various spices, then boiled until tender. Then, the chicken is fried until cooked, and then the chicken is penyet with the chili sauce. The dish is served with additional sambal on the side, usually accompanied by fresh vegetables, tempeh, fried tofu and rice.

(source: RRI .co.id)

Ayam penyet is placed #38 of Top 100 Chicken Dishes in The World released by TasteAtlas, LINK: TasteAtlas.com

Place of Origin: East Java, Indonesia

Nasi = Rice Ayam = Chicken Penyet = Press/Push

Additional info if you want to know more about 10 varieties of Ayam Penyet with 10 types of chili sambal by famous Youtuber Tanboykun watch this Youtube Link

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Cloned from: Goopy Carbonara

Cooking Skill: 2

Cooking Time: Lunch & Dinner

Cooking Method: Seasoning & Baking chicken from Stuffed Turkey (Blender can be used for seasoning & chopping the chicken)

Languages: "Nasi Ayam Penyet" STBL strings are available in all game languages

Base Game compatible

Poly Count: Eat: 1,558 vertices 1,997 faces Serve: 1,483 vertices 1,957 faces

If you have World Adventures EP installed, this food can be bought via food register in Shang Simla, China World with price §20

❗You must install CCLoader by DouglasVeiga to make this custom food recipe appears in-game. ❗ Extract the package from the .zip & place the package on package folder as usual.

[ Download ]

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Additional screenshots:

Serving food Geostates (Full, Half, Empty)

[redrose10]

🌹 𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕃𝕚𝕤𝕥

To-Do List♥️

Yoongi

Series

𝓒𝓲𝓷𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓸𝓷 & 𝓥𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓪 (Completed)

Summary: You were selected to marry the wayward CEO/Billionaire/Heir, Min Yoongi. You went into it with an open mind and heart determined to try and make it work. Yoongi on the other hand had no intention of ever letting you in let alone allowing himself to fall in love with you. Slowly you start to associate the smell of cinnamon and vanilla with the feelings of hurt and sorrow.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 The Proposal

Alternate Ending 1 (very angsty) Alternate Ending 2

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓾𝓭𝓮 𝓘𝓷𝓷 (Ongoing) (On hold)

Summary: You have never experienced true love which is hilarious considering you write romance novels for a living. When you end up staying at The Interlude Inn located in Holly Falls you start to wonder if maybe the answer to your newest love story is sitting behind the welcome desk. Quickly, you find out that Min Yoongi hides a lot of pain and sorrow behind his shy smiles and quick glances.

Part 1 Part 2

Raspberry Romances (Completed)

Summary: There’s no one on this planet you hate more than your coworker/secret crush Min Yoongi. He’s an arrogant, rude, womanizer who gets under your skin every single shift and you can’t wait for your day to be over so you can get away from him. Unfortunately when Jimin, your caseworker from The Ministry of Adoration, shows up offering you both a raspberry jam filled cookie, things take a surprising turn for the worst and you can no longer get away.

Chapter 1- Coffee and Cookies

Chapter 2- Whiskey and Wedding Cake

Chapter 3- Tea and Tteok-bokki

Chapter 4- Sparkling Cider & Strawberry Pie

Chapter 5- Tacos and Tangerine Juice

Cold Brewed Love (Completed)

Summary: When you begged the owner of Jin’s Java House to hire more employees you didn’t mean for him to stick you with the cold, rude, arrogant CEO Min Yoongi. Over time something begins to brew between you both and you end up forced to make decisions way above the pay grade of a cafe barista.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Cherries (Completed)

Summary: He hated them yet they became a symbol of your love for each other. Until one day they just might be what tears you apart.

Part 1 Part 1.5 Part 2

Who Rescued Who? (Completed)

Summary: With only a few dollars left to your name you weren’t sure how you were going to survive. Thankfully, Suga’s Cat Cafe came to the rescue offering you a job when you needed it most. Not only did it pay decently it also came with perks like unlimited free coffee and a cute, but grumpy cafe owner named Yoongi. At first you believed it was him that saved you at your worst, but as time went on you started to wonder…who rescued who?

Part 1 Part 2

One-Shots

He Knows

Promise

The Beanie Blues

Oblivious

I’d love too

24 Hours

Cuddle Noodle

These Cheeks are Yours Forever and Ever Babe

I Bet You Say That To All Your Girls

Cravings of Love

Pretty Eyes

Wish Upon A Star

Honey Hotteok

Birthday Cake From Hell

Drabble Game

Jin- 1

Yoongi- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Hobi- 1 2

Namjoon- 1 2

Jimin- 1

Picture Game

Everything Will Be Okay Nervously in Love (NSFW)

Pumpkin Spice Lattes Three Little Words

Even Zombies Need Love

Tulip Trees

A Growing Family

The Devil is Beautiful

Min F.cking Yoongi

Secrecy

Hair Tutorials

Kangaroo Vows

Maybe In the Next Life Part 2

Prompt Game

Bonnie and Clyde

Fire & Ice

Beauty and the Frog

Lemonade (Jungkook)

Do You Want Some Ramen?(Jungkook)

I Will Always Love You

The Silent Game (Taehyung NSFW)

The Cookie Jar (Namjoon)

Sprinkles

Valentines Prompt Game

Quiet Baby

Six Annoying Cupids

The Boy Next Door

Be My Valentine

Confetti Cake Crush

Namjoon

Rock-A-Bye-Baby

118 Slides

[bluepandaears]

As much as I love a good Barista AU, I am not a coffee drinker. I drink a crap ton of tea though so... ta da! DBDA as tea! Enjoy.

Charles:

Cinnamon Vanilla Chai served in a handleless tall stoneware mug because who bothers with handles anyway? All they do is slow you down and if you burn your fingers picking it up it's your fault for not wearing gloves.

Bold but sweet. Can be quite bitter if over-brewed. Pleasant aroma and caramel colouring for a warm and comforting blend of black tea, spices, and natural vanilla flavoring. Perfect for warming during colder months.

Edwin:

Java Masala Chai served in a sensible ceramic mug with a slightly chipped saucer. The inside bottom of the mug has a sassy comment that changes depending on the day of the year.

A blend of black tea, cardamom, cloves, cinnamon, black pepper, and ginger, with a twist of added coffee because just like coffee Edwin is an acquired taste and yet millions around the world are addicted.

Prepare a cup of your favorite milk, add a generous teaspoon and let it simmer for 10 minutes - careful contents will be hot and if you burn yourself it may mock you for your low pain tolerance.

Crystal:

Immortal Emperor Puer tea cake

Fantastic tea but you have to break into it first. Brew in a ceramic pot then transfer to a dreaming tree travel mug for a quick get away.

A Ripe Shou Puer that is a dark, opulent infusion mirroring the richness of ancient traditions. Made of tightly compressed leaves, aged to perfection, it exudes an earthy allure of walnut, vanilla, and aged oak that transcends time.

Niko:

Magnolia Green Tea served in a lovers double spout ceramic teapot. Be vigilant and don't let the water get above 85˚C otherwise you'll scorch the leaves.

The Magnolia flower or Hanakotoba represents a love for nature, nobility, perseverance, dignity, and everlasting connections. Made with green tea for the inherent health properties, Magnolia Green Tea involves layering fresh magnolia flowers with the tea leaves, allowing the natural fragrance of the flowers to infuse into the tea. This gives the tea a delicate floral aroma and flavor, with a smooth light citrus, floral, and honeysuckle taste. Pair with dandelion salad.

[laswells-ashtray]

If you ever come to America you need to try the peanut butter or java chip Oreos, the dill pickle flavored cheese balls, dill pickle flavored lays, official hot ones ™️ pringles if you can handle spice, and the golden siracha Doritos.

If you come during a holiday season, there’s 50+ limited edition holiday snacks to try.

I think all of those things are made up and you just lied to me because what the fuck.

[labyrinth-mc]

WHAT IS THIS?

This blog will log the development of an upcoming semi-serious Java Edition LGBTQ+ themed Minecraft server. Now, when I say semi-serious, I mean that I'm not trying to make any money off of this or pressure my players into buying things they don't need. However, considering that this is intended to be a safe space, I fully intend to give my all to having competent moderation, fair rules and mature moderators. Basically, it's a gay Minecraft server without any pressure to buy ranks, chill moderators, and active updates where polls are held to move the server forward.

WHAT GAMEMODE IS IT?

This will likely be a survival world with a few added features for both ✨spice✨ and quality of life, such as:

Player profiles that include your preferred /name and preferred /pronouns when you type in chat.

Fair Custom Enchants

Better Beds (Not everyone has to sleep.)

Economy + Player Shops

Land Claiming

Scheduled Community Contests/Events

I am likely to develop more content including custom ores, mobs, dimensions, bosses, etc. so players can continue to progress through the SMP even once they have full netherite armor. THIS WILL ALL BE RESOURCE PACK BASED AND YOU WILL NOT NEED ANY MODS, EVER. Players will be able to give their voice on what sort of update they want when I start on these things, so the direction of development will be very community-driven.

WHO CAN JOIN

Anyone is welcome, as long as they can respect other's identities—and especially in the case of allies—are wiling to learn before casting judgment. There are some common decency rules that any server members must follow in order to continue being server members, and those will be addressed in the RULES. In summary, this server is about making a safe space for others to be themselves and be comfortable. Do not ruin that for others, and you can stay.

OTHER INFO

My other account is @minotavern, and I will use it for personal updates. While the things I post on that account aren't always directly related to the ones here, they may include things that are relevant, but that I didn't consider post-worthy, such as exams and delays that definitely would impact the content of this blog.

[goatgoesmbe]

Heyy girll, i wanna travel to indonesia cuz em food be looking tastyy and i actually noticed the country is so pretty what😭😭 so i have a couple places in mind but just thought i’d ask a native🤷‍♀️also u meantioned sth about scammers in a post and i got nervous, what should i do!!

Omg yayyy, the ministry of tourism should pay me for promoting the cuntry fr fr

And ngl, here is pretty.. in most places, maybe not someplace which is more urban coz.. yeah trash, but the community is still great tho XD

As for scammers, what i saw is usually price charged higher for foreigners.. so i suggest you get a local guide or just find a place which present the price upfront on a sign

Some other scam may be transportation, coz people are eyeballin the price. Asked the other passenger instead of the driver or just use gojek (its like uber)

And i think thats it(?) try to bargain prices as well, dont be shy, they usually raise the price so much higher anyway

Oh, there would be a lot of street performer around, dont give them money if you're staying in one place because they would tell every other performance and so more gonna come to ask for money.. they're usually children too, forced to work only for the money to be taken by the thugs who forced them

Its universal to not trust cops.. they dont work unless you have money. Its best to ask for locals help instead, more would usually gather around and help. For example, people here would rather call gojek to help someone for.. anything, and said gojek usually dont expect payment, give them money anyway tho coz thats nice but some would refuse

A warning that the spices might be too much for most people, i have korean friends who swear they can handle spices and im sure they could handle korean spices, but then they got sick from eating a fist of indo spicy chips

Streetfood mostly aint clean as well tbh, so uh- yeah, bali stomach or whatever its called, might send you to the toilet quick

Food i reccomend: martabak manis/terang bulan (get the chocolate and cheese one), nasi goreng, mie goreng, rendang, satay, and many more which are more exclusive to each region.. the food i stated more.. widespread sksks

If ur feeling freaky try durian stuff, pete, and jengkol

Definitely try the restaurant that's crowded with local more than it being fancy. Coz fancy restaurants usually more expensive and uses less spices.. to cater to the tongue and wallet of foreigners

As for places.. i would reccomend sulawesi for nice nature which is mostly untouched unlike bali's beach, maluku is also very pretty, the thing is those place aren't famous for tourism.. so best to have guide since people there rarely understand English unlike bali

Some other places like East java tbh, ive travelled there multiple times- its more of a local tourist spot instead of Bali which is more international

Im sure there are great things in the west side of Indo.. but i live there and it's suck here but.. im sure we have something.. idk what tho- Jakarta is.. the capital, yea its something.. ig, it has.. bus.. and train system, something the other places in Indo doesn't have, sadly

Riau got pretty beaches, Sumatrra's food is the country's favorite

Added note that most places that aren't bali would be very conservative, so while they won't confront you, you would be judged for pda, showing shoulder, or legs.. but again, if you're obviously a tourist they would understand. Some places might deny ur entry for wearing shorts tho

This is all i could think rn, there are probably more things that could be added, so for any indo seeing this plz add more uwu)/

And dont be afraid if ur not speaking indonesiann, we mostly dont speak english but.. idk, google translate exist and it never deterred any local to be less friendly. If anything, they would be very enthusiastic seeing foreigners.. plus, every region has its own version of Indonesian language, sometimes we don't understand each other lol

Im curious to what places u had in mind tho 👀👀👀

Oh gosh this is long lol

[leilani-lily]

~Oh Deer~ (Chapter 6)

Weeee we made it to 6~! ✧｡٩(ˊᗜˋ )✧*｡ I'm deciding to take more time to edit and review each chapter before I upload it. I don't want the excitement to take over and I post it in a happy rush and then look back on it and wish I could change things too late (≡ ε ≡;) This chapter was delightful to write. I had too much fun. I have no regrets (< w <) SYNOPSIS: AroAce! Alastor x Chef!Singer! Reader. Reader isn't satisfied with not perfecting the jambalaya recipe, and is determined to try again. Alastor is lured to the kitchen, and of course, chaos ensues~ Word count: 5.7 k

Chapter under the cut!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As happy as you were that you had nearly recreated his mother’s jambalaya, a small part of you itched to make it perfect. The joy you felt when you watched Alastor taste your cooking, it was something you wanted to experience again. It had kept you up that night as you lay in bed, thinking about the things you could adjust and remembering what Alastor had said was missing.

Charlie was kind enough to order food in for the guests on the weekend so it allowed you weekends off. However, that Saturday morning you were too inspired (and probably stubborn) and found yourself back in the kitchen during your free time, preparing to try and correct the rice dish. After making a quick pot of coffee and pouring yourself a cup, you turn on your trusty radio and let the music begin to pump you up. The fast paced jazz made you begin to bounce on your toes as you took a sip of java, feeling your body begin to loosen up and mind buzzing with determination. As the first song came to an end, you set your mug down and begin collecting all the cooking supplies, a sly smile curling up your lips.

Alastor’s weekends were usually filled with various tasks that needed to be attended to. Meeting’s with the other Overlords, get-togethers with Rosie, or running personal errands. However, the Radio Demon was shocked to find this morning was open, which was a rather pleasant surprise. Alastor was walking down the hallway, debating on either reading or taking a stroll through the city, when the sound of music floated to his ears. The lanky demon paused, his ears unbeknownst to him perking up at the sound as he deciphered where it was coming from. Determining it was coming from the kitchen, it made his eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

He knew very well that you had weekends off. And nobody else used the kitchen that often, especially with jazz blaring in the background. Curiosity was getting the best of the Radio Demon, and before he knew it, his long legs had guided him towards the kitchen.

(link to song here) 

As he got closer and the songs changed over, he was surprised to hear your voice suddenly gasp out in delight before joining along in the next song. It was a slow rhythm as you crooned along, your vibrato trilling as you held certain notes. Remembering how enchanting your voice was from when you had first met, his smile slowly widened, heeled boots unknowingly picking up the pace.

Turning the corner and seeing the entrance, Alastor slowed his stride and crept up to the door frame. The waft of simmering sausages and spices filled his nostrils, and he had a jolt of memories back to when he was a small child. The song’s beat had picked up slightly, the lyrics became faster. And surprisingly, you were keeping up like a pro. This must’ve been a song you were very familiar with, explaining the excited gasp he heard earlier. Beyond intrigued, he dared to peek around into the kitchen to a sight that he honestly wasn’t prepared for.

You bounced from foot to foot, your hips swinging to the beat, your shoulders shimmying as your head nodded side to side. You were poking a couple sausages on the stovetop, the fat sizzling and popping from the heat. You turned on a heel and approached the island, grabbing a kitchen knife nearby and quickly mincing some onion like a natural. You continued to sing quick and on the beat, completely lost in the music and singing your heart out.

There was a mess of other ingredients and cooking utensils scattered around you, and you were sweating from the heat of the stove. Usually this would bother the Radio Demon, liking to keep things tidy; both in space and appearance. But oddly enough, that wasn’t what he focused on. His eyes remained on the beaming smile on your face; your eyes shining in pure delight and cheeks flush. You were completely in your element, and he a mere observer. 

At a certain point you even stopped chopping the onion and began to dance on the spot, eyes closed as you completely rocked out. You twisted your feet in and out, swayed your arms side to side (your dominant hand still holding a very sharp knife), and bopped your head, feeling the beat in your veins and taking a hold of you. 

You knew a super fast part in the song, so you were preparing yourself to really nail the fast lyrics. So when you felt two long arms slide down your own and a warm body press up from behind you, your soul almost left your body.

“No need to stop on my account darling~” Alastor crooned behind you, speaking before you could turn around and stab him with the knife in your hand. But then his long fingers wrapped around your hands and pulled you away from the island. 

Without a second though, you quickly dropped the knife as he twirled you in place, the music still playing in the background. Feeling yourself bubbling with excitement, you began to sing faster than lightning, the joy in your heart from this rare opportunity and secretly wanting to show off a moment. Alastors eyebrows raised impressively, and seemingly wanting to take it up a notch, as if this was a competition of talents. 

The suave demon twirled you out and let go of one hand but still firmly holding onto your other. You both break out into full swing dance as the horns blared and violins sang in the background. Alastor was quick on his feet, pulling you in close then spinning you out as both of your feet tapped and twirled. You managed to sneak glances at the Radio Demon, thoroughly surprised at his skill in dancing. The tall demon flashed you a smile and even dared a wink as you shimmied together, his grip on your one hand tight and secure. You continued to sing, although found it much more difficult to do while dancing to such a fast paced song. 

The melody slowed for a moment, indicating an instrumental and Alastor was quick to act. He pulled you in gently and immediately grabbed onto your hip, his other hand still tightly holding yours. You could feel your heart thrum in your chest from the proximity of the Radio Demon. You had never been so close to him before, your chest was pressed to his and the hold he had of you was captivating. Like even if you tried to push away he wouldn’t allow it. Not that you even wanted to. Not ever. This was a rare occasion; and definitely something that you didn’t want to pass up.

Finally finding the courage, you glance up at him, feeling very shy but your heart racing with exhilaration. You can see his crimson eyes are shining with delight as hooded lids focus on you. His grin was wide with amusement as he guided you around the room. You had to stop yourself from laughing out loud at the obscurity of it all, never imagining this is how your morning would end up. 

Dancing in the kitchen with a serial killer; your mother would be so proud. 

You knew the music would pick up again soon, and you knew Alastor could feel it the way he lightly squeezed your hand. You both shared a look, equally looking smug and ready for the next round. Giving him a nod of encouragement, Alastor twirled you out once more as you burst into song again. You belted out the lyrics, so full of glee you couldn’t contain your voice. 

You both continued to dance together, feet kicking up to the beat and arms swaying to and fro. He swapped you from hand to hand, guiding you around the room and switching from left to right, but never letting you go. At one point you both were hand in hand, looking at each other and dancing on the spot. From the giddy expression on his face, you could tell he was enjoying himself as much as you were, both of you feeling the drums thump in your chests. With all the fast dancing and excitement, you found your singing was occasionally interrupted by a tired laugh, especially when Alastor suddenly flung you around. But you knew the last note was coming, and you wanted to finish off strong.

When the instruments stopped and the final sentence played out, Alastor spun you out and let you have your moment; you belted that last note with pure joy. The song came to an end, and was promptly met with a commercial break as a muffled voice droned on in the background. The adrenaline coursing through you finally dropped and you let go of the demon's hand, bending over to catch your breath. Hands on knees, you couldn’t help the weary giggles escaping your throat as you panted, your brain still not sure if you had just imagined all of that. Feeling Alastor’s burning eyes still on you, you finally rise up and give him a tired, but beaming smile. You look him up and down and can't help but let out a single guffaw as you notice something.

“Are you freaking kidding me?” you laugh, “How are you not even sweating right now?? After all of that?!”

The tall demon stood before you, hands behind his back and completely composed as if he wasn’t just dancing up a storm with you. His expression was calm and amused as he watched you wipe your brow. His smile creaked up further onto his face. 

“Practice my dear y/n,” he hummed. He began to walk towards the sink with his head held high, clearly thrilled to gloat in front of you. “I was known to be quite the jitterbug back in the day~” He grabbed a clean cup and began to fill it up with cold water. You watched him in pure amazement; who would’ve known Alastor liked to dance? His gaze eventually slid back to you.

“Nevertheless, I must say,” he continued, turning the water off and striding back to you, “I was not the individual dancing and singing along to the melody. That’s an admirable skill set.” He offered the cup of water to you with a cocked eyebrow and you laughed out a tired ‘thanks’, happily taking the drink. You chugged it back instantly and sighed in relief, the Radio Demon watching you amusingly.

“Well,” you chuckled, setting the empty cup down and looking to the floor sheepishly, “I can’t really say I’m the best of dancers. I’m sure I looked like a ragdoll compared to you.” Your mind wandered back to the dance and could only imagine how you looked compared to your graceful and experienced partner. You couldn’t help the amused smile spread across your face.

“Hmmm… Perhaps…” Alastor mused, looking off to the distance and only confirming your thoughts. He was too much of a gentleman to admit a lady’s faults. It only made you laugh silently to yourself. 

“However, I will argue,” he continued, his gaze falling back to you, “your entrancing voice was enough to carry you through. And what more, you still chose to dance with pride, even if it was out of your comfort level. So for that, I applaud you~” Alastor bent slightly at his waist in a small bow as an applause track fizzed in the air. You giggled at the theatrics, feeling your cheeks redden at the compliment.

“Well, thank you,” you tittered, giving a small awkward curtsy in response, “It was nice having such an amazing dance partner; I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.” You beamed up at him, genuinely grateful for the impromptu dance session. Alastor watched you for a moment, taking in your expression before standing up straight again, looking down at you mirthfully.

“Well then my dear, we’ll just have to-” 

The Radio Demon stopped suddenly, his mouth still open and grinning. But his eyes had flicked up and away from your face. You watched his eyebrows shoot up in surprise as his pupils shrank in what appeared to be shock. You were just about to ask if he was alright when the distinct smell of burning meat entered your nostrils. You whipped your head around and watched in horror as flames were licking up the side of the pan and smoke began to bellow.

“Awh FUCK!”

You sprint towards the stove at lightning speed and turned the flames off. Without even thinking you grabbed onto the handle of the pan to pull it away from the hot element. It immediately fell from your grasp however as the searing heat had burned your hand and you immediately gasped in pain. The pan and now crispy sausages clattered to the ground as you gripped your tender hand to your chest, eyes shutting tight against the pain and falling to your knees.

You heard a rush of static and felt a draft of wind tickle your skin. Eyes still scrunched in pain, you felt yourself jump when large hands suddenly gripped on your wrists and began pulling them away from your chest. 

“Show me your hand y/n.” 

You felt a wave of embarrassment pour over you. Here you were trying to master his favourite dish, but got too caught up in your silly little fantasy. And now you had ruined it. And in front of him nonetheless. Shame settled in your stomach, making you clutch your burnt hand tighter to your chest. 

“I’m fine Alastor really, I-!”

“That was not a request.” The sternness in his voice caught you off guard. You had never heard him speak to you in such a tone. Your eyes finally opened to see his red claws grasping your wrists. His grip on you tightened.

“Look at me y/n.”

You felt your stomach lurch. You felt so stupid, like a child being scolded by their parent. You couldn’t bare to face him. But you heard your radio in the background fizz and crackle dangerously, and you knew Alastor was losing his patience. Humiliated beyond belief, you finally tilt your head up and dared to peek up.

Alastor’s eyes immediately locked with yours, as if he was watching your face this entire time. His demeanor was surprisingly calm; still wearing his classic smile, but the corners weren’t as high on his face as usual. His gaze on you was strong; unmoving. It almost burned into you more than the burn on your hand. You had to catch your breath.

“I wont say this again.” he warned, his tone still very stern but now quieter as he looked at you. “Show me your hand.”

The last time you had felt so small was when you had accidentally touched his antlers without permission. You weren't scared of him this time, but his eyes still managed to make you quiver on the spot. Finally, you felt your muscles relax and you allowed him to pull your hands away from your chest. In an instant he held your dominant hand in both hands and gingerly turned it over, inspecting the flushed skin that was already beginning to swell. His eyebrows narrowed a moment before he immediately rose to his feet, dragging you up with him. Without a word, he led you to the sink, his grip on your wrist gentle but firm. You stumbled after him and before you knew it, the Radio Demon had turned the water on and dunked your hand under.

You hissed out in pain as the cold seemed to burn you even more. Alastors eyelid twitched at the sound, but you were in too much pain to notice. You both stood there a moment in silence as he gently guided your hand under the water, turning it over and twisting your wrist to insure every burnt part was rinsed. It wouldn’t be until later that you noticed how attentive he was to all of it. 

Turning off the water, the Radio Demon snapped his fingers and a roll of gauze blinked out of thin air. The other hand still holding yours, he began to carefully wrap your palm in the fabric. You flinched ever so often as the gauze grazed over your tender skin, but you couldn’t help but sneak a peek up at your nurse. His face had remained surprisingly calm, his attention focused on the task at hand and unwavering. But you did notice his ears seemed to be pressed to his head, and a single bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. 

Eventually, Alastor delicately tucked the end of the gauze into the wrapping, giving it one last look over before letting you go. His gaze slid up to you, his small smile slowly growing into more of his signature look.

“Fortunately, the damage is minimal given the circumstances. Give it a few days rest with lots of ointment and you’ll recover.”

You lifted it up to eye level and gave it an inspection, surprised to find how neat it was. As if he had done this before. The idea of that both fascinated and worried you. 

“Now tell me my dear, why is it that you were cooking today? Or do you just enjoy setting my kitchen on fire?” His cocky grin spread across his face, already enjoying the opportunity to tease you. You let out a groan of embarrassment, your wrapped hand flapping to your side like a wet noodle.

“Lord have mercy. You’re never going to let me live this down are you?” you whined, already hating yourself for giving him more material to work off of. He cocked his head to the side, absolutely tickled pink by your reactions. 

“Oh, you know I’ll be roasting you about this for weeks~”

Another pained groan escaped your lips. Oh great. Here come the puns. Your uninjured hand rose to pinch the bridge between your eyebrows, trying to calm the rage in your heart, but also to stop you from actually laughing at it all. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He leaned in even closer so he was face to face with you, his shit-eating grin threatening to crack his face.

“What’s the matter my dear? Can’t handle the heat~?”

Your grip on your arm and bridge tightens. His face inches closer.

“Unfortunately for you, I’m just getting warmed up~”

You could feel your shoulders start to shake. He leaned close enough that his lips were right beside your ear.

“Come now y/n, don't be flame,”

“ALASTOR!” you finally caved and burst into angry laughter, turning away from him in shame and hiding your face as you crack up over his god awful puns. Damnit, you hated how he could make you laugh at your own misery. In a way you were grateful; it was a good distraction from the pain. He always knew how to make you smile, especially if you were upset. Unmoving, Alastor watched you in pure delight as he drank up your laughter, his own chuckle of amusement slipping from his mouth. Finally satisfied, he leaned back up and took in the mess on the ground and other various ingredients in the kitchen island. 

“You never answered my previous question dearest.” Alastor spoke up from behind you, “Why are you cooking jambalaya so early in the day?”

You felt yourself freeze on the spot. Man, nothing got past this man; he was as sharp as ever. 

You felt your shoulders start to tense as heeled boots clicked closer to you. 

“Don’t get me wrong, it is an exquisite meal, but even I would never consider it before 10am.”

You could feel his tall figure looming from behind you, body almost pressed to your back as he closed the distance between you both. You sighed in defeat, knowing you couldn’t talk your way out of this. You shamefully turn around to face him, but refuse to look him in the eye.

“I was trying to perfect the recipe,” you mumbled quietly, feeling yourself fidgeting under his gaze, “It’s just… you’ve done so much for me, and I feel like I haven’t been able to return the favor. I don’t have magic or power or endless resources. So…” your cheeks were starting to turn red, feeling your tongue swell in your mouth, “S-so I figured… if I can cook your favourite meal exactly like your mother… If I could help you to recreate that moment in time… th-then maybe…”

You trailed off, unsure what to say, and feeling smaller than a speck of dust. He must think you’re pathetic. And who could blame him? He was an Overloard; he could eat demons like you for breakfast. You still didn’t understand why he seemingly wanted to spend time with a nobody like you. You knew he was going to laugh at you now. Make fun of you like he always did and tease you about this for weeks to come. You shut your eyes tight with frustration, feeling them begin to burn with tears and preparing to hear his laughter track drone on any minute now.

… But there was silence. 

You paused a moment longer, suddenly uncomfortable in the silence. It was odd, even his usual static that hissed whenever he was around had gone missing. You were just about to dare a peek up at him when you felt a warm, heavy hand on your shoulder. Your head immediately lifted to him, eyes shimmering and maybe a bit hopeful.

He looked at you and didn’t say anything. His grin was still ever present, but it felt loose, wavering. His eyes flicked over yours as his brows furrowed, signaling the look of… Deep thought? Confusion? … Worry? 

Alastor watched you, eyes wet with unshed tears and lip threatening to quiver. Something stirred within him. No one had ever… done something so thoughtful for him. So used to demons making deals with him, only giving so they could take. A soul for power. Or for riches. Or fame. Greed and selfishness was a sickness Alastor was very used to when dealing with others. It was one of the things he despised the most about sinners. And he was no saint either. He knew himself he would take what he wanted, but only if he deemed it necessary to his ascension. His greed was different, as least in his own twisted mind. 

… But you…

After what felt like an eternity, Alastor finally lifted his hand on your shoulder and cupped your face, his other hand reaching to do on the other side. Startled as to what was happening, you gasped softly, feeling your heart begin to hammer against your chest. His smile was warm and genuine, which was honestly a stark difference to his usually sharp features. Eyes hooded and looking down at you in wonder. He even dared to squish your cheeks a couple times, surprisingly making the Radio Demon chuckle in amusement at their suppleness. His warm hands pinched for a moment longer, taking a moment to drink in how soft your cheeks were. How could a previous murderer and cannibal somehow be so innocent? Finally, he opened his mouth to speak, his voice soft as static crackled in the air.

“You never cease to surprise me my dear. What a peculiar little thing you are...”

And without another word, he removed his hands from your face and rose to full attention, striding past you and towards the sink. You blinked back your surprise and dumbly turned to watch as he rolled up his sleeves and turned the faucet on. All you could do was stare numbly as Alastor began to wash his hands, and even began humming softly to himself. As he finished up, he quickly dried his hands and flicked his wrist up, his fingers snapping sharply. An apron suddenly poofed onto his figure; a basic white with ‘Kiss the Cannibal Cook” printed on it.

Turning on his heel, he continued to hum to himself, the radio filter over his voice making it seem sharper than the average hum. But that wasn’t the thing making you tilt your head. It was when he opened the fridge and looked about, as if looking for something in particular. After shuffling a few items around, he finally turned his head to you, eyes still on the fridge and smile absolutely giddy. 

“Tell me y/n, if we had any okra, where would it be~?”

You felt your eyelids blink one at a time as you watched him stupidly, mouth partially open. When you didn’t respond, his pupils finally slid to you and caught your expression. He cocked an eyebrow as his eyelids fell flat.

“Close your mouth dear, it’s not very lady like.”

You click your jaw shut and blink back to reality. He looked at you expectantly, and finally cluing into his question, you responded.

“Oh. Ah. Bottom left hand drawer. Sh-should be in a little plastic bag…” 

Alastors smile brightened as he turned back to the fridge and followed your instruction, a satisfied ‘Ah!’ coming from his mouth before pulling the bag out and closing the refrigerator. As he approached the island, you finally were able to utter the biggest question on your mind.

“Alastor… What are you doing?” 

The Radio Demon stopped humming, turning his head to you as he grabbed a spare knife and cutting board from below. He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow as if you just asked the stupidest question in the world.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he remarked, turning back to the okra and began to slice the green plant into thin segments. “If you really thought you could master the recipe without my help, then you are sorely mistaken. Besides,” he lifted his knife to point it at your wrapped hand, eyeing you a moment, “Now that one of your hands is out of commission for the day, it would be against my mother’s teachings to force a woman to cook something for me alone and with only one arm.” 

He turned back to his chopping board and continued to slice.

You watched him a moment longer, processing his words until you felt your heart bloom in your chest. He didn’t laugh. Didn’t tease. Didn’t make you feel small or inadequate. He saw your genuine pain and surprisingly, chose kindness. And even more, chose to help you personally rather than summoning his minions to do the work. You felt a lump in your throat, a different kind of tears threatening to fall down your face. But Alastor didn’t notice, thank goodness, too absorbed in his work.

“My dear,” he began, swiping the sliced okra into a bowl, “Would you pass me the peppers next?”

“O-oh!” you stuttered, quickly wiping your misty eyes with your sleeve, your smile going ear to ear as you rush to the requested veggie, “Of course.”

Between the two of you, you were quite the team in the kitchen. Who would’ve known that Alastor was actually quite the chef himself? He admitted that he loved to cook, of course inspired by his mother, but simply didn’t have the time nowadays with the hotel and Overlord work. You could tell he was being genuine; his dicing skills were remarkable. The speed and precision he had with a knife was impressive (and maybe a little terrifying if you thought about it too hard). But the fond look on his face while he was doing it, that's how you could tell he wasn’t lying about enjoying it. 

While he chopped and diced, you were on saute duty. Alastor was hesitant to give you this task, given how the last batch of sausages ended up… But after lightly smacking his arm with a wooden spoon, the Radio Demon laughed and allowed you near the stove.

... With close supervision that is. 

You collaborated with each other, Alastor explaining his method and you explaining how you made yours. And you were sure somewhere in the middle was the true recipe. The radio continued to play in the background, and out of habit you’d sing along to the songs you knew and Alastor would hum. For one particular song he pulled you in for another quick dance in which you laughed the entire time. But he made sure to deposit you back to the stove quickly, not wanting to recreate the disaster from earlier. While you stirred with your unscathed hand, Alastor would pop up behind you on occasion for a taste test. You’d offer him the spoon and he’d give it a try, comparing the flavor from what he remembered. And if needed, would add more spices or scour the cupboards for something new. 

Finally, after letting it simmer and adding the last remaining garnishes, the jambalaya was ready.

The smell alone was absolutely divine, spices and oils melding together to create a rich aromatic scent. You wiped your sweaty brow in satisfaction as you watched Alastor divvy up two plates and bring them to the island. The dish was a beautiful vermillion colour with fiery red veggies and soft green herbs snuggly tucked away with the sausage, shrimp and rice. You felt your stomach rumble, not realizing how hungry you were having skipped breakfast. You felt the strong urge to just dive in, but you pulled back. You couldn’t eat. Not just yet.

Your eyes slid carefully over to Alastor as he looked at the plate below him, inspecting it with a calculated gaze. He seemed almost… hesitant. But before you could think on it further, the Radio Demon scooped a mouthful up, paused a moment, then took a bite.

He chewed.

Stopped.

Chewed again.

Swallowed.

His head hung over his plate, his bangs covering his face and making it impossible to read his face. There was a heavy pause, the air feeling thick as you waited for his final thoughts. The static around him buzzed louder for a moment then went completely silent. Finally, he raised his head, and his expression almost made you want to weep. His eyebrows were tight and sorrowful, his smile pinched and threatening to tremble. Pupils dilated and never moving from the plate below him. Eventually, his mouth creaked open. 

“This is it.” 

The radio filter over his voice was gone, and that almost floored you. You had never heard his natural voice before, and honestly it was one of the most beautiful sounds you had ever heard. He scooped another spoonful and tasted it again, closing his eyes and sighing to himself with a sense of longing. You had never seen him so at peace. 

Swallowing his previous bite, he looked down at his plate again, eyes drifting over the dish as a low chuckle suddenly began to rumble from his chest. He closed his eyes and shook his head, smiling and eyebrows furled as he hummed about something. And then, he spoke, his radio-like quality returning to his voice.

“You remind me of her.”

It felt like your heart had lurched into your guts at his words. You knew how much she had meant to him. The impact she had on his life, in living and in death. And for him to admit that to you? It made your hands tremble in your lap. Alastor opened his eyes again and looked down, deep in thought.

“There was always music drifting in the air when my mother cooked,” he reminisced, “Jazz music of course; it was in our bloodline. I remember as a boy watching her from the dinner table. She would sing along to the music, and would even pull me in for a dance if a certain song compelled her to.” He chuckled a moment before sighing, tilting his head up with eyes lost in memories gone by.

“Oh, she was a beacon of light and life itself. Always looking out for others, never asking for anything in return. A strong, selfless woman with a heart of gold. The only woman I ever, truly…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to for you to understand. Your hand reached for his without a second thought. He flinched at the sudden touch, his eyes shooting open, but eventually you felt his hand relax under your warmth and eyelids soften again. You held his hand tenderly as he continued to stare up at the ceiling, head swimming with fond reminders of the past. Gentle minutes trickled by before you felt the Radio Demon’s hand twist up so it could hold yours tightly. And soon after, he lowered his head and looked straight at you.

“You have given me a gift no one has ever been able to give.” He smiled, his eyes remaining gentle as his scarlet orbs never wavered. You could feel yourself melting under his gaze. He began to lift your hand towards his face, stopping mere inches from his mouth. You could feel your heartbeat quicken. 

“Thank you, mon passereau~” he purred, pupils falling to your hand and pausing for a moment. You could feel his breath on your skin and your heart raced.

He wasn’t going to do what you thought he was… right? 

Finally he lifted your hand up and gently pressed it up to his forehead, like he had done weeks before. You felt a breath escape your noise, from relief or disappointment, you weren’t sure yet. But honestly, what were you expecting? This was Alastor. He wasn’t one for romance or being overly touchy. 

Please, like he would ever kiss your hand. Get it together y/n.

Still, when you focused on him again, a warm smile spread from your lips as you felt the warmth of his forehead and the pinpoint that would be the ‘x’ on his head. This gesture was intimate for him, and that was more than enough for you. And thinking back on the joy and gratitude he showed you earlier… it made you sigh blissfully. You had done it. You achieved your goal of somehow paying him back. And you felt that your relationship with him had only grown stronger with the morning you’d had. With a content smile, you breathed a reply.

“You’re welcome Alastor.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fun fact: 'Passereau' in French roughly translates to "songbird" ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) Thank you for reading thus far! As always, comments and reblogs are much appreciated; the more encouragement, the more fueled I get to write more (•̀ᴗ•́ )و I eat your delicious words and poop out a story that's hopefully to satisfaction LMAO okok I'm done, gnight folks ꨄ

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[kitchenutensilfamilyau]

[the-crazy-echidna-lady]

May we please have some drawings of that one hypothetical au where spice survives please

[greghatecrimes]

PPTH Gang + What I Think They’d Order At Starbucks, brought to you in incredible and unnecessarily extra detail by a very tired barista!

House: Black eye (black coffee with two shots of espresso), adds his own cream and sugar very sparingly. Occasionally when he’s alone he orders a Caramel Ribbon Crunch frap (guilty pleasure).

Wilson: Grande hot latte with soy milk. He used to order the “skinny vanilla” (latte with skim milk and sugar free vanilla) but stopped because House made fun of him for ordering the white mom drink.

Cuddy: This woman will drink any kind of coffee she can get her hands on in the morning. Even really, really shitty coffee. She just needs something to get through the day. But if she’s got time for Starbucks, I know she’s absolutely getting a tall Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso with two extra shots of espresso (four total). (That is a lot of espresso for a small drink and she needs all of it). She looks so stressed out that the barista draws a smiley face or a star next to her name on the cup, or writes “have a great day!”

Cameron: The Taylor Swift latte. Grande skim latte with caramel. She’s a basic bitch but she knows what she likes, good for her! In the fall she’s 100% a pumpkin spice latte girl and she probably also has the date written on her calendar for when Peppermint Mochas come back in the winter. When asked her name: “It’s Allie, A-L-L-I-E. Thanks!” automatically spells it out to make the barista’s life 3x easier.

Chase: Cameron orders for him because Chase has no idea what the names for anything are. Also likes a good Peppermint Mocha around Christmas (Cameron got him hooked; he stops drinking them after the divorce). Rest of the year he goes for an Americano, iced or hot, with almond milk. His Starbucks name is Bob, which never fails to make Cameron laugh. (Now I’m imagining putting that order out and yelling “ICED AMERICANO FOR BOB!” into a busy cafe and Chase standing there cluelessly like “who? me?” until Cameron nudges him, and I’m laughing my ass off)

Foreman: Regular, plain ol’ black coffee, any kind of dark roast. He adds his own cream very liberally but isn’t a fan of sugar in his coffee.

Thirteen: I spent way too much time thinking of the perfect thing for her. If she just gets coffee at work, just regular decaf coffee is fine. The bitter taste wakes her up since there’s no caffeine. If she wants a nice coffee, I think she’d like a decaf Doppio (two shots of espresso) with a bit of almond milk, one pump of vanilla, and one pump of hazelnut. Hot or iced, but always decaf. Gently but firmly tells the barista to please make sure it’s decaf because she’s “caffeine intolerant” (not wholly a lie. Helps her avoid the caffeine jitters.) Never uses her real name, either gives a random one or just says “Thirteen, like the number” when asked for a name by the barista. Always leaves a tip when she has cash. Orders her drink iced at any time of year if she’s in the mood for it and gets harassed by House for it.

Kutner: Rotates between different superhero names for his Starbucks name (Tony Stark, Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Clint Barton, etc.). Taub wants to melt through the floor every time he gets coffee with Kutner and his order is called out. Kutner thinks it’s hilarious. I really feel like he would be happy with anything you give him, but I think his go to if he’s specifically at Starbucks would be a java chip frap despite the fact that Taub lectures him about it (if he’s gonna treat himself to expensive coffee it may as well taste good!!). Also RIP Kutner you would have loved the Dragon Drink so much (both for the badass name AND the fact that it’s purple)

Taub: Doesn’t go to Starbucks often, probably really only goes with Kutner. Just orders a regular latte or cappuccino. He says he doesn’t see the point of adding in all the flavors and stuff because it’ll just drown out the coffee. Might put some cinnamon on top if there’s a shaker of it on the condiment bar. Would add cinnamon or nutmeg at home if he has the luxury of having a late morning and making his own coffee.

Bonus! Amber: Drinks iced coffee in the middle of a blizzard. Could also down shots of espresso like they’re tequila. The most intense bitch. Would be very visibly tense or stressed when ordering but as soon as her order’s done she’d thank the barista pretty genuinely. Go-to order is a cinnamon dolce latte, no whip but keep the cinnamon dolce powder.

[andthekitchensinkao3]

Ok so you said Astarion likes bitter tea. What would he think of coffee? What does he think of Lucanis obsession with coffee? Also will he eventually know about the whole Spite and Lucanis situation? What would be his reaction to finding out?

COFFEE! One of my favourite things in the whole world. I blame my Swedish heritage. We drink ridiculous amounts of the stuff in my family. So. Fun set of questions :D

Coming up next in the story is Astarion meeting the rest of the team and getting to identify the key players, as it were - and while I don’t see Lucanis revealing everything about himself, we’ll see if Spite takes issue with that. I haven’t decided yet. ;) But. coffee!

Astarion prefers his coffee in the Amnian style - dark, bitter, and with a hint of spice. I imagine him and Lucanis can have long discussions on the merits - or lack thereof - of tampering with coffee. Milk and sugar? Cream? Lucanis could perhaps justify latte macchiato as a regional/cultural thing, but Astarion would have Opinions. If you’re going to have a tall glass of warm milk with a dollop of strong coffee, might as well skip the coffee altogether. “It’s not even called coffee, it translates to STAINED MILK!!?!!??!?!?!” But I digress. I love all forms of coffee drinks, and only draw the line at sugar in my cuppa black java.

Re: Lucanis and coffee, though. He’s obviously a recovering addict substituting one vice for another, less detrimental one. Oh, he’s sleepwalking? Oh, he uses the coffee as a means of staying awake? Darling, that clearly isn’t working.

Eventually, though, he’s bound to find out about Spite. He may initially write him off as Lucanis’ imaginary friend, but once Spite comes out to play, things will shift quite a bit, I think. Now, fair warning, I love Spite the way fandom has shaped him. I don’t love how he’s handled in the game. Because, at least to me, it felt like the core of Lucanis’ entire character arc is about personal autonomy. He’s been used and abused his whole life, controlled by Caterina and molded into something he doesn’t really want to be. He’s a sweetheart who cooks in his spare time, who makes elaborate meals, with heart and care. He’s dreamed of romance for a long time, but now he believes he isn't desirable, or fears that he can't love, or meet the expectations placed on him in a relationship. And now he’s coming out of years of isolation and torture at the hands of a blood mage and he’s tied to a demon. An actual, bloody demon. Everything we know about the world of Thedas thus far is he should be dead. And if he isn’t already dead, he should be killed. He’s an Abomination.

…and somehow, at every turn, instead of making his Arc about reclaiming himself and being free of the demon, he’s encouraged towards a symbiotic relationship. I’m not saying this is necessarily wrong - it’s a narrative choice.

And if anyone can relate to being stuck with something in your head against your will, while it gives you new powers, and it isn’t entirely, 100% BAD - it’s Astarion. And as we all know by now, personal freedom and autonomy are Really Big Deals to him.

[blankfairy]

nine people you'd like to get to know better tag!

i'm so honored to be tagged by @emilykaldwen! thank you so much!

Last Song: peace and serenity by akira yamoaka. SOBBING. i'm not sure why i put this on my writing playlist because it just makes me sad.

Favorite Color: black,, and crimson as of late!

Currently Watching: always rewatching clips of hotd and got for inspiration, but i just finally started watching house md last night! no more ten-minute clips on youtube.

Sweet, Spicy, or Savory: i'm not very good with spice, so, savory or sweet. depends on the food. sometimes things that are too sweet make my teeth hurt ^^"

Current Obsession: resident evil, house of the dragon ... fortnite.

Last Thing Googled: minecraft java how to kill specific mobs (the phantoms were AFTER me)

i don't know a lot of people and i'm nervous abt unprompted tags so this is like to be less than nine but,, anyone who sees this nd wants to do it is welcome (: @sshireens @rainwingmarvel7 @dogboykennedy @paskalin @midori-laboratories @mandalhoerian no pressure ofc !!

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Do you have a headcanon list for the rest of the team's lynx flavors! Leather and Cookies can't be to the taste of all of them!

Let’s be real, nonny – of course I don’t. I mean, who has that? Really, who?

Well, yeah, okay, I do, but only because you asked and because I very randomly happen to be in Dublin* for the week and had the opportunity to stop by Boots and sniff all the Lynx stuff they had (which did not include Java or – to my great disappointment – Leather & Cookies) and take notes, which didn’t earn me any weird looks whatsoever.

The things I do for love.

Anyway. We know Jamie is a jack of all Lynx trade and that Colin favours Leather & Cookies. As for (an non exhaustive list of) the rest…

Isaac – our captain of righteous rage and impeccable taste could never choose anything but Africa, advertised (however misguidedly) as the G.O.A.T of scents. There’s sweetness and spice and fresheness reminiscent of good gin hovering over a woody base – it’s not outrageous by any means, but it’s not boring either: nuanced and reasonably mature, it’s a scent worthy of the footballer with the most fashion sense of the entire team. Has enough gravitas for a captain, too, but without weighting him down.

Sam – leans into the quietly playful notes of Excite; it’s a fairly standard pour homme scent but the hints of coconut (almost edging into sweet liquorice) gives it a little twist, turning it warmer and softer than your average man deo. Perhaps it wasn’t his own choice, originally – I can see Simi gifting it to him, and Sam going no, okay, this works.

Dani – would pull off all the muskier and spicer scents so beautifully but is ultimately (and perhaps unfortunately) attracted to the bright fruit of Epic Fresh. It’s vivacious and sweet and unapologetic about being happy and unrefined; carefree, like Dani when jogging onto the pitch.

Jan – has decent taste but does not care to spend too much time thinking about his deodorant; he selects the simple but not basic fruit and wood combination of Black, and sticks with it. It’s a good enough choice; it’ll do and offend no one (and if it does, Jan Maas will not give a fuck because he has more important things to worry about).

Bumbercatch – goes for the sickly sweet, bright pink and unpleasantly chemical Recharge only to confuse his enemies. “What enemies,” you might ask, but our man Bumber simply gives you A Look and does not answer.

Zorro – just likes chocolate, okay? He’s in tune with his emotions and desires and wearing Dark Temptation makes him feel good. We should none of us begrudge him that.

Richard – spits at your Lynx and your hamster of a mother and elderberry-smelling father. His deodorant is expensive and French and rather discreet because he doesn’t want chemical smells to overpower the sublime taste of wine and also there’s something primally attractive about the natural human musk and why would you ever want to drown that out?

Jeff Goodman – selects Icy Chill because he believes the cool menthol notes makes him seem like a tought guy. They do not.

Cockburn – is a man of few words and a gentle heart. He prefers Gold, both for the warm spiciness of its deep wood and vanilla tones, and for gold of it all. It makes him feel a little special, in a quiet sort of way. Cockburn doesn’t really need more than that (at least not from a deodorant); he knows what he’s about and what he’s worth, and if you do not? Not his problem, baby. It’s a solid, simple choice for a solid, simple man.

If I were to assign Java (unsmelled) to anyone, it'd be to Sasha Kukoč because he's my very special secret darling and is (supposedly) young enough to find 90s retro hot.

[sonnet-of-anarchy]

Ghosts at Starbucks!! 🧋

Lady B: English Breakfast Tea brewed with Lemon & a lemon loaf (eaten with a fork she brought from home) 🍰

Captain: English Breakfast tea, splash of milk, also maybe shortbread biscuits. 🫖

Pat: Earl grey, milk, sausage sandwich, egg bites with ham & cheese and a cinnamon swirl 🥮

Kitty: strawberry & cream frappe (cream base, no coffee) with vanilla whipped cream, Java chips and strawberry syrup. Also a birthday cake pop & a ham/cheese toastie 🍡

Mary: oatmeal & smooth orange Juice. Might also branch to a youthberry tea on particularly adventurous days. 🥣

Thomas: (hot) caramel macchiato (shaken) with double shot espresso con panna, one pump caramel and hazelnut syrup with vanilla whipped cream, white mocha sauce and a dolce de leche milk base. (Cold) a iced brown sugar cafe mocha/ salted maple mix with Java chips, vanilla foam, a pump of vanilla and hazelnut surup with a double shot expresso con panna. Mozzarella & tomato panini. 🍹

Humphrey: cold foam iced cappuccino with caramel syrup and chocolate sprinkles. 🧋

Mike: either a iced chai tea latte with vanilla cold foam and hazelnut syrup or a mint citrus tea. He also gets a chicken Caesar wrap & a lemon & poppyseed muffin. 🧁

Alison: pumpkin spiced latte with vanilla syrup and or a iced caramel latte with extra caramel syrup and maple cold foam. Sweet potato & pumpkin seed fritter wrap with a white choc/raspberry blondie. 🫔

Julian: grande americano with a sneaky shot of something off-menu. Ham & cheese croissant with almond biscotti. ☕️

Robin: like a big cup of vanilla cold foam underneath 10 pumps chocolate syrup with Java chips and chocolate sprinkles. A bacon sandwich & some ham too. 🥓

[i-am-a-fan]

@witch-of-the-world

Here’s what I think the characters from LMK would order

*Mk- Mango dragon fruit, lemonade, peach, with 2 pumps of honey (no inclusions) 7/10

*Mei- Matcha latte with 2 pumps of white mocha, dragonfruit inclusions, with strawberry cold foam

*Redson- Pink drink with two pumps of peppermint, light ice, and cinnamon caramel cold foam

*Wukong- Mango dragon fruit refresher with extra peach, light ice, blended, with vanilla, no inclusions

*Macaque- Mango dragon fruit lemonade, light peach, inclusions, and strawberry purée

Sandy- Regular Medicine ball

*Tang- Apple brown sugar iced latte, oatmilk, chai, and pumpkin spice cold foam with cinnamon on top 10/10

Pigsy- Plain nitro cold brew

*PIF- Peach Lemonade with strawberry purée on top (10/10)

DBK- Mocha latte with oatmilk (hot)

*Mo- Pup cup with cookie bits and caramel drizzle (11/10)

Yin- A mocha cookie crumble frap

Jin- A double java chip creme frap