#still have that essay in my drafts somewhere

[a-river-of-stars]

One of the things I love about Gundam Wing is that its ENTIRE CAST is made up of characters who SHOULD be doomed by their narrative--some are based on character archetypes that usually are doomed by their respective narratives, others are based on tragic real world historical figures--and (almost) every single one of those doomed characters is saved as a result of interacting with the other doomed characters.  I once said “Gundam Wing is a very long anti-suicide PSA” and that pretty much sums it up.

[activatebutterflyshield]

I was compelled last night and I’m quite honestly scared of whatever 11:59 PM me intended for those middle sections. At least I still know my colors when sleep deprived, and I’m sure someone else on here can fill the blank spots out better than I can on a full eight hours of shut-eye.

[musical-chick-13]

ITS PUTTING YOUR TRUE CONTROVERSIAL WHO OPINIONS IN MEL’S ASK TIME.

Anyway. My ACTUAL (I think, please correct me) controversial Who opinion is I think Peter Capaldi was the best doctor of nuWho AND should have gotten EVERY POSSIBLE AWARD for his role. Fucking criminal. (Goes to watch his zygon monologue and sob over it for the zillionith time)

MY OTHER ONE. Ten is my least favorite doctor and I will NEVER be over his treatment of Martha. The only redeemable qualities of his run are 1.Martha and 2. Catherine Tate as Donna

I WILL DIE ON THESE HILLS.

(Putting this in your ask so you can decide to publish it rather than me risking starting a war on your post. 🖤)

AS ALWAYS YOU ARE CORRECT AND GALAXY-BRAINED AND I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR YOU 💜💜

(Granted, I can't claim to know everything about how the general DW fandom operates, but I feel like the most common opinions of Twelve I see are one of three: "Capaldi is a good actor, but his story material was terrible," "Well there's nothing wrong with him, necessarily, but everything about the Moffat Era is horrible, so I gave up watching before his run finished," or "eh/he was boring." So yeah I'd say, "Twelve was my favorite part of nuwho" is still a pretty *Controversial* opinion. Tbh anything beyond Ten was the Best nuwho is a pretty *Controversial* opinion, but I've already talked about. That.)

JUSTICE FOR MARTHA 2KFOREVER. This is one of the few things that is genuinely non-negotiable for me. GOD she deserved so much better, I love her so much. 😭😭😭

MARTHA "I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED, BUT I STILL WON'T LET THIS LADY ENDANGER THE WELL-BEING OF HER DEVELOPING BABY BECAUSE THAT IS AN INNOCENT PERSON" JONES. MARTHA "I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A POTENTIALLY HOSTILE ALIEN COLONY, BUT I WILL STILL OFFER MY MEDICAL EXPERTISE TO AN INJURED LIFE FORM BECAUSE I WANT TO HELP" JONES. MARTHA "THIS SITUATION IS BAD FOR ME, I AM LEAVING FOR MY OWN GOOD BECAUSE I WANT TO BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO AREN'T AFRAID TO APPRECIATE ME" JONES. MARTHA "I WALKED ALL OVER THE EARTH AND AVOIDED DEATH ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF AND SUCCESSFULLY PULLED ONE OVER ON THE MASTER" JONES. THE LOVE OF MY FUCKING LIFE.

[snixkers]

Pen on Paper

Pairing: Spencer Reid × GN!Reader

Fluff

Content Warnings: None, literal pure fluff

Summary: You and your boyfriend have a study date in a coffee shop, but your methods differ.

Author's Note: My inbox has tumbleweeds blowing through it atm, so I'm digging this out of my drafts!

Feedback is always welcome!

Requests are OPEN

I quickly gathered up my laptop and textbooks when I checked the time, checking my appearance in the mirror as I made my way to my car. The Civic was ancient, but it still got me where I needed to be. Unfortunately, my boyfriend did not share the same sentiment, preferring to use public transportation.

I rolled my eyes at the thought of a germaphobe so adverse to driving he’d get on a train with complete strangers, but I decided to let it go. After all, he was the one who had offered to take me out on a study date. As a grad student, I would take any opportunity to get ahead. Who better than a man with an eidetic memory and 3 PhDs?

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I weaved through the streets of downtown DC to meet him where he had requested, a small local cafe that was able to satiate his sweet tooth. I parked and hopped out of my car, materials in hand for a long night of memorization.

He smiled when he saw me, the corners of his eyes crinkling softly as he opened the door.

Despite his awkward behavior, manners were not lost on him. We entered the shop hand in hand, scanning over the menu (although he got through it much faster) and stepping up to order. He got a black coffee with 6 teaspoons of sugar, and I decided on something a little less nauseating.

We chose a booth in the back corner, somewhere we could have some privacy in our own little academic bubble. I set my bags on the floor beside me, taking a sip of my drink and pulling out my laptop. I noticed the wrinkle of his nose, smirking as I realized he was likely judging me.

“What?”

He shook his head innocently, pulling out some papers for his own work at the BAU.

“Nothing, I just think you’d do better with physical materials.”

You smiled, picking up his pen and clicking it a couple of times.

“We don’t all work at lightning speed.”

He bit his lip, and I could practically see the wheels in his head turning as he plucked a new fact from the depths of his memory.

“Actually, although it’s faster to type, writing allows you to tap into tactile information recall.”

You snorted in acknowledgement. Of course he had something to back his opinions up with.

As any genius would.

“You’d use a typewriter if you could.”

He pulled out some files, looking them over.

“I have one at my apartment, but I ran out of ink a while ago.”

You just sighed, conceding defeat and moving back to your work, typing rapidly as you worked on your essay. He sat across from you, doing the same thing with his notes, although he occasionally switched his papers to shield you from anything too messy.

He thought of everything.

After a while, you felt a tap on your shoulder, and a note dropped onto your keyboard. You unfolded it, reading the messy chicken scratch.

‘You can’t pass notes on a laptop.’

You narrowed your eyes, stealing his pen to come up with a response.

‘it’s called an email’

He shook his head, his hand flying across the paper before he held it out for you.

‘Emails can always be tracked. Notes have to be destroyed.’

You smiled softly at the sentiment, slipping the note into your pocket before turning back to your work.

“You’re distracting me.”

He sighed, returning to his seat and fiddling with his pen.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

You nodded, determined to make this paper your own. But after a few minutes of typing, the rhythmic tapping was dragging your eyelids down. The words were sliding off the page, and the backlight did nothing for your eyestrain. After you failed to stifle a yawn, he looked back up at you with a look that screamed ‘I told you so’.

“Come on, it’s late. You can’t perform as well academically if you stay up all night to finish it.”

You tried to protest, but your own body betrayed you with another yawn. With your acceptance, he gathered up your things and stored them neatly in your bag.

You were half asleep as you left the cafe, but you pretended not to notice as he slipped a notebook and his pen into the tote for future study dates.

[mellywritesstuff]

Hello there! I just saw your post and here I am! If you don't mind can I request headcannons for sumeru boys with an exchange akademiya student? Thank you so much :>

YES LET'S GO MY FIRST REQUEST

----------------------------------------------------

Sumeru boys with an exchange akademiya student (GN reader)

----------------------------------------------------

A/N: Sorry this is late, I lost the first draft because I forgot to save it but here it is. This was made at 2:03 AM and published in the afternoon that's why it's a little sloppy but I rlly did try ^^ I also haven't gotten to sumeru- I forgot what the akademiya was (it's a school right?) so its a little vague and ooc

Enjoy my first time writing a reader insert :)

warnings: small suggestive themes, but other then that pure fluff :)

Cyno

- Absolute life-saver be grateful you have him - Despite being the general mahamatra or whatever it is he is- whenever he has the time he's always there to help with your studies

- Have 15 papers due? He'll do them for you just watch.

- You met during your first time in Sumeru and it just sorta grew from there (lucky)

- Ok, hear me out...So your playing TCG right? Somehow this turns into an entire lesson "Alright so [insert akademiya stuff I'm too dumb for] is [insert more akademiya stuff I'm too dumb for]...Y/N are you listening?"

"Cyno, I know what I'm doing I'll be-"

"Basically..."

*insert confused y/n noises*

- He may or may not be a cheat sheet (hehasbigbrain)

Tighnari

- You two met completing your first assignment, and boy was it confusing. First time going anywhere in Sumeru,youtotallydidn'tgetlost - But hey you got a pretty bofie out of it

- Really impressed your an akademiya student like really impressed

- anyways he tries to help you out and relieve your stress, lets you pat his ears and comb your fingers through his tail

- Doesn't want you to be overworked (not really work just studies, which is work WAIT) so he'll drag you along on small outings through the forest whenever you and him have freetime

"Take it slow Y/N."

"Oop watch your step! Be careful!"

"Isn't the forest lovely today?"

- let's be honest your trying to complete your paper the whole time and Tighnari is NOT happy about it. Please pat his ears

Alhaitham

- He was quickly alerted of your arrival in sumeru, word gets around quick and once he met you he feel head over heels for you

- You two are almost always in the same building, and always interacting. Do you even spend time apart from him?

- He doesn't pay much attention to you being an akademiya student, all his focus is just on loving you

- although he's always happy to help you out! - study sessions that really just turn into cuddle sessions. On second thought maybe these sessions aren't effective

- convince me other otherwise you two haven't made out in the corner somewhere

Kaveh

- Your relationship just straight up spawned lol

- tries to help you study but it turns into the most crackhead conversations

"Y/N if we were worms would you still love me?"

"...no"

- ends up clinging to your waist offering no help whatsoever

- please give him attention

- you try to explain to him your essays, but he zoned out when you mentioned the essay was half an hour long

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

totallydidntgetlazytowardstheend

also my request are open in case you want to request something idk. I'm just rlly bored all day

[oftenwantedafton]

Secret Smile - College English Professor/Vampire Steve Raglan/William Afton x Female College Student Reader

Finale

Rating - Explicit

Warnings - none for this chapter

Also available on AO3

You’ve just completed your draft of the essay on the art museum field trip.

You hand it to William to read, fiddling with your pen, stretching your legs to rest in his lap. One large hand curves warmly around your calf, the other rifling through the pages.

“Well?”

“It’s good. Type it up and turn it in.” He hands the notebook back to you.

“Think it’ll be an A?”

“It should be.”

“Are you going to give me an A for my English Lit class?”

“If you earn it, yes.”

“I don’t get extra credit for…doing extra curricular activities?”

He frowns, the hand caressing you leg stilling. “Definitely not.”

“Relax. I’m only teasing.” You were. Mostly. Though you’d been a little curious if he was going to give you an A simply by default, considering…

“I’d hope you’d think better of me. And yourself. Education is important.”

Ouch. You’d really touched a nerve. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to offend you.”

“It’s alright, mouse. I’m rather famished. Makes me cranky.”

“Famished, huh? Anything I can do about that?” You shift positions, moving your legs off of the bearded man’s lap, then straddling his hips, your hands twining around his neck.

“Hmmm,” he hums, his hands cupping the curves of your buttocks appreciatively. “As lovely as that sounds, it’s definitely too soon. I’m afraid I’ll have to seek other options. Blood bank,” he adds, seeing the look on your face.

You huff disappointedly.

“After that, I’ll take you somewhere nice.”

“Oh yeah? Where?”

“It’s a surprise. Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

Another huff. You’re feeling rather needy today. Impatient. But you relent, sliding back off of his lap. “I’m ready.”

***

The rear parking lot of a local hospital was the last place you thought you’d be visiting this evening.

You still don’t entirely understand how this exchange William had set up works, exactly. What the other person was getting in return. How they covered up the missing blood. You’re not entirely sure you even want to know.

It doesn’t take long. He’s soon seated in the car once again. A very obvious bulge in the inner chest pocket of his blazer.

“Are you just going to…am I supposed to look somewhere else, or…?”

“To be honest, I’ve never consumed one of these in front of anyone else before. It does seem kind of rude, doesn’t it? Improper etiquette to eat in front of someone who has nothing of their own to ingest. Maybe I should go outside and…”

“Yeah, that’s probably best.” Something about it doesn’t feel right. It’s stupid, but you can’t help but feel kind of jealous. That you aren’t enough. You can’t give him what he needs. Lacking.

He seems to sense your emotions, leaning over to kiss you. “Do not ever doubt that you are the best thing I have ever tasted. Every part of you,” he emphasizes, gently nipping at your bottom lip. “I’ll be right back.”

Well, you felt a little better, anyway.

***

An hour to the city, an hour to the seacoast. The joys of living in a New England town.

You rarely visit the beach this time of year. The lower temperatures, the windchill. But there’s a quiet kind of beauty in it. Walking past the line of shuttered shops. Ducking into a restaurant that stays open year round. William’s here for your sake. Your turn to eat. He picks at a few fries for maintaining appearances. Sipping soda. Largely just watching you. Talking. No one here knows you. You like the freedom of it. Your hands clutched on top of the table. Braving the brisk salted air again. His arm around you. The shore littered with dried seaweed and driftwood and chipped shells and sea glass, visible in the light of a full moon.

“You like the ocean. That’s why we read Moby Dick.”

You’re back in his car now. He smiles softly. Your hands wrapping the graying hair at the nape of his neck over your fingers.

“Do you like it?”

You consider the question. Lean towards your instructor. “I love it.” Your mouth on his. “Take me home.” You mean his house. He knows it. Your hand on his thigh. Sliding upwards.

“Seatbelt on, rabbit. We’re going to get there faster than you can imagine.”

***

Ethan Frome is your current reading assignment.

This selection is one you’ve already read, but you don’t mind revisiting it. It’s one of your favorites. Such a tragic story.

You remark on it the next time you’re lying in William’s bed. Especially satisfied since he’s fed on you again finally. The semester is flying by. It will be Christmas before you know it. Winter break. No longer in his class, but that might just make things easier. No impropriety if he’s no longer your professor. Your happy little sigh cut short when you realize how sober your lover looks.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Just thinking.” He tries and fails at a reassuring smile.

“William. What’s wrong? What is it?”

“Would you forgive Ethan?”

“If I was his wife Zeena? Absolutely not.”

“If you were Mattie. He ruined her life. Condemned her to an existence that’s barely classifiable as living.”

“But she chose that path. She’d wanted to die for him. With him.”

“Do you honestly find that notion romantic?”

You frown. “I don’t know, kind of? I don’t see what you’re getting at.”

“Is Ethan redeemable then, do you think?”

“I mean, he sucks for cheating on his wife, but on the other hand, she’s a miserable bitch. I think ultimately he deserves a chance at happiness.”

“No matter the cost?”

“Will. Seriously, this coy dialogue is beyond my poor mortal brain’s capabilities. I can’t read between the lines.”

“I want to tell you a story.”

“Okay.”

He hesitates. You’ve never seen him look like this. Agonized. Distraught. Leaning heavily back against the headboard. You join him there, pulling the comforter up over you both. Threading your hand through his. A deep sigh. Then he begins speaking.

“Once upon a time—”

“—Is that seriously how you’re going to start?”

“This is serious, little one. Please.”

“Alright. I promise not to interrupt. Go ahead.”

“There was a young man. He was an inventor of sorts. Full of ideas. And he was determined to make those ideas become reality. It started off small. Toys for the children he’d one day have, he thought. Detailed animals. But like none that naturally existed. These ones walking upright. Sculpted models. But that wasn’t enough. A larger scale desired. Even greater detail. Life breathed into them somehow, like the engines in vehicles, like the computers that could miraculously process information like the human mind. Better than. He became fascinated with the advancing technology around him. Determined to learn it all. And he did, with the help from another man he’d met in college. Together, they’d discovered something miraculous. And those toys became life size. As tall as a man. Larger, even. Complex parts that allowed them to move. Able to emit sound and mimic speech.

And as wonderous as that was, it still wasn’t enough. Because it was still just pretend. Imitation. He wanted the creations to be truly alive. He wanted that power. And the thoughts consumed him. The dissatisfaction soured him towards his own family. Towards his friend and business partner. And jealousy and envy blossomed. Flourishing with each passing day. He began keeping journals. All of his private thoughts spilled on pages. Volume after volume. He saw how content the other man was and it ired him further. Enraged him that his friend’s family seemed so perfect. Doting wife. Obedient daughter. Unaware the growing distance he was putting between himself and his own family was all his own doing. He wanted that perfect, loving family that the other man had. He wanted his creations to be real. To think and move on their own. To give him the love he felt denied from his wife and children. To have souls. The blasphemy of it never occurred to him. It simply was something he had to have at any cost. And he did get it, eventually. And the cost….the cost was severe. Human lives sacrificed. His friend’s family. His own. All for the sake of these false idols he’d created.

And then the final offer came. Another form of transference. An exchange made. The last vestiges of shameful humanity traded. The eternity he’d been subconsciously seeking suddenly stretching before him. All the time in the world to learn anything and everything. To pursue his undead heart’s desires. But he no longer wanted it. The reality had set in. Everyone he had ever loved gone. Destroyed because of him. Trapped in some sick, eternal torment. Cursed. And he wished for death. He sought it out early on. Standing in the minutes before dawn, fully exposed. Waiting. The first kiss of light searing his skin. And he could not endure it. He fled like a coward. And he thought perhaps it was better this way. He needed to suffer for what he’d done. Forever. Always.

But the passage of time changes a person. No matter how determined and resolute they are. And he decided it was a greater sin to exist and not share some of what he’d learned with others. The safe things. Not the other. A kind of penance.”

William grows silent. Tears spill down your cheeks. You wrench your hand free of his, struggling to speak, choking on words you can barely get out. “You…you let your own family die? Children. How could you…” You’re nauseous. Lightheaded. It’s so, so much worse than you’d ever anticipated. His origin story. You’d romanticized it in your own mind. So naive to think it would be like something out of a novel. It’s a nightmare. You leave his bed, desperate to get way from him. Feeling dirty, used. Betrayed. Scrabbling to retrieve discarded clothes. Your movements clumsy. Weakened because he’d fed from you. You’d wanted him to. You’d wanted him.

“I have never told another person this. Not in all these years. But I had to tell you the truth. If you hate me for it, so be it. I can hardly expect anything else.”

“I wish you hadn’t. I wish…”

“I understand. Believe me, I do. If I had it to do over…I would never have sought that terrible knowledge out. But I can’t change what’s already happened.”

“I let you…I was willing to do anything for you, and I don’t even know if it was really myself making the decisions or you controlling me. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“It was you. I wouldn’t have manipulated you like that. And you are the only person in existence that truly knows me.”

“But how do I know? How can I believe anything you say? I hate you, William. I hate you so much.” Your face crumples and you cover it. The vampire is before you in a blur, his arms wrapping around you and you push back. Drive a fist against his chest, over and over. And he lets you. Enduring every strike. You will him to feel it. To hurt like you do. The blows eventually softening. Your body weak against him. Cradled in his embrace.

“Little wonder, if you could only see inside me. This hollow space inside my heart that you fill. Soft rabbit, my love…”

“It hurts so much.” Your voice is muffled against his chest.

He strokes your hair. “Oh sweet girl, I know it does. And if I could have spared you the pain I would have. But you wanted to know the truth. And you deserved to know it. As terrible as it is.”

You lift your head. “I can’t absolve you of your sins, William. What am I supposed to do now?”

William’s hand cups your cheek. “Help me write the next chapter. I need your words. I need you. Say there is something in me worth saving. Some part of me you don’t despise. If you cannot…I would rather become ash and dust. Let the dawn immolate me as it desires. If you want me to disappear forever…”

You try to say you hate him, but the lie will not come to your lips a third time. You should loathe the monster in front of you. But you don’t. In spite of every horrible thing he’s done, you pull him closer. The scant space of a breath between you.

“Teach me to be better. Inscribe a new destiny for us. My love…love me…” He kisses you. Worn leather, aged paper, summer rain. His own scents all along.

Now yours.

[shiny-jr]

HOW DO YOU WRITE SO GOOD?? (tutorial/tips pls)

your writing is IMMACULATE AND SOOOOO, words can't even convey the feelings I get whenever I read your works

Lol, uh, brain makes things.

I got a similar message about characterization, so I'm going to try to include as many tips and personal tricks that I can in this post. I'll bolden the words that summarize each part, that way it's not too much of a mess and people can quickly find what they're looking for.

I'll mention CHARACTERIZATION first, just to check it off the list. So, the only characters I write for besides my own personal ocs, are the cast from twst. Compared to other series, the cast isn't that big, but it's still a pretty sizable cast. You got a mysterious and ominous fae prince with a penchant for speaking in a refined manner that at times sounds menacing, with a model/actor/singer beauty that also speaks more on the elegant side of things, but on the opposite spectrum you have a beastman who's arrogant and has bouts of laziness but is in no way incompetent, oh and don't forget the gloomy shut-in that weirdly enough has strange boosts of confidence and is snarky in his replies at times despite being very introverted and lacking in confidence. There's so many different characters, but I see them get mischaracterized very often. Here are some of the things I do to try and avoid making this mistake...

Look at references. This one may seem obvious, but I feel like people may not do this and just write what they want in the moment without much consideration. Often times if I find myself stuck and wondering what a character might do in response to something, I'll put a pause on my work and look up references to look at. By references, I mean things such as real dialogue from whatever media they may be in. In the case of twst, I'll go back to chapters the character appears in, or even listen to their voice lines. If I'm really stuck, I'll resort to looking at other posts like fanfics or fanart, and by then I usually get an idea. (I take a lot of liberties as a yandere writer)

Similar characters. There are times when I see one character, and think that they act very similarly to another character from somewhere else. In that case, thinking of the other character may help as well, but you have to be a little careful here since there will be obvious differences that could lead to mischaracterization.

Compare. In this one, I think it's important that I highlight that I do not mean to compare your entire work to someone else's. What I mean here is, if you have a writer who you like and you think they write the characters very well, then look at their work. What exactly about their work makes it seem like the character is well written? Maybe they use certain words, or describe certain things? Try and take a note of that. Unfortunately there is a lot of mischaracterization, so if you see some, it might actually be worth taking a note of so you know what you want to avoid when you're writing.

Take a step back. When I'm done writing, I read over the entire thing. I actually do multiple rereads, sometimes in the middle of writing, but I think the most important one is when everything is completed. When you think the draft is finished and you're almost ready to share, just read over it. Try to imagine that you're someone else, a reader who just found the post and began to read it. If you were another reader looking over this, would you be content with the way the characters are written or would you think that it needs improvement?

WORDS AND GRAMMAR. Ah, yes, I still make mistakes here often, I won't lie. I don't use too many sites to help with this. Just two that I can think of off the top of my head.

WordHippo. My savior. I use this site for everything, from writing silly little posts to writing important essays for college. It helps with everything from synonyms, antonyms, definitions, rhymes, etc. But I mainly use it for synonyms. For example, when I write for a character that speaks more meticulously or elegantly, you know, like the type of character that uses bigger/uncommon words, I'll use this site. Like, I know what I want the character to say or do, but I only know a simple word that might be boring or repetitive after a while, right? So using this site, I just find synonyms that fit way better and match the tone I'm trying to use.

Autocorrect. So, usually I'll mainly write on google docs, but this feature is on most sites by now. The system will automatically correct a mistake or highlight it if it thinks a mistake was made, which has caught some errors I've made on multiple occasions. But it's not entirely reliable, because sometimes something you wrote might actually be right but it changes it to something else. So just be aware if you do use autocorrect and read over for mistakes anyways.

And now, for MUSIC. I always listen to music when I write, it's like a necessity now. But it's a bit of a double-edged sword for two reasons. One: songs with lyrics tend to distract me. This may not be the case for everyone, but most of the time if I play a song with lyrics, chances are that I'll end up focusing on the lyrics instead of writing. Not all the time, but most of the time. Two: just trying to search for good music to listen to can lead you falling down a rabbit hole, because then you're just there scrolling and deciding what you want to listen to.

Here's a sorta long list of some songs I've been listening to in the past few weeks that keep me focused. Yes, it's a mess of different songs. You can totally tell what I've been watching/like just by the songs alone. The two at the top when I heard them at full blast in an IMAX theater for the first time literally had me like–– (WHEN I TELL YOU LUDWIG G. MAKES THE BEST MUSIC THAT INSPIRES ME)

Can You Hear The Music - Ludwig Göransson

Quantum Mechanics - Ludwig Göransson

Destroyer of Worlds - Ludwig Göransson

American Prometheus - Ludwig Göransson

Teacher's Pet - Ludwig Göransson, Joseph Shirley

Mando Is Back - Ludwig Göransson

A Walk in the Skies - Joe Hisaishi

Sophie in Exile - Joe Hisaishi

The Boy Who Swallowed a Star - Joe Hisaishi

Deep Sea Pastures - Joe Hisaishi

Mother Sea - Joe Hisaishi

Town by A Cove - Joe Hisaishi

Fujimoto - Joe Hisaishi

Ponyo Flies - Joe Hisaishi

Across the Spider-Verse (Intro) - Daniel Pemberton

Spider-Woman (Gwen Stacy) - Daniel Pemberton

Vulture Meets Culture - Daniel Pemberton

Guggenheim Assemble - Daniel Pemberton

[ariapmdeol]

How would you describe the dynamic between seosane 🙏

they mean everything to me,, (receiving your question right after i got one that says "yaoi" was very fun for me. yeah thats my yaoi <3) Spoilers for the entire DLC, including whats past the youtube TL! I mention things from Hermit Room. quotes are paraphrased or referenced bc i am too lazy to dig for them.

I have another seosane essay somewhere in drafts but i can't find it rn and it's not edited so you're getting my current stream of consciousness <3

sanemitsu and seodore are two people who, by the end of dlc, have very different perspectives on how to handle the timeline and what should be done. Sanemitsu in particular goes through several perspectives on this, varying from his POV pre-1999, 1999-2015, S root, and S+. They are parallels and narrative foils, and this shapes how they interact with each other.

From their first interactions, they both have something that the other party wants. Seodore promises that Sanemitsu can change things, if they can reach Gods Love. Sanemitsu is critical to changing things (as we see in the start of DLC/S root). You can see them talk about this in record 4, where neither of them will know if Sanemitsu's ability has activated or taken effect. Seodore wants Sanemitsu to use this ability. Sanemitsu resists because he knows that if he changes the past, then he'll lose Reiji. Reiji, who is his number one priority, who he's clinging to as tight as he can.

But they appreciate each other. There's fondness. Their breakfast conversation at the end of DLC highlights that despite them ending up on different perspectives on the past, they still understand each other.

What always stands out to me is in Hermit room, there is a choice that the player can make. The two options are (paraphrased):

Even if we gained something at the end of it, it would have been better if none of it had happened. [better to change the past even if we gained something in the end]

If we gained something at the end of it, then we can't say that it would have been better that none of it had happened. [better that the past happens (good and bad), if we gained something in the end of it]

This choice is both paralleling Sanemitsu's perspective change in S vs S+, and the perspective of Seodore versus Sanemitsu (and System.NH) as two halves of the same whole. They're foils, and remain on good terms despite their differing POVs.

it's about the Metafiction. Sanemitsu doesn't break the fourth wall until after our current point in canon (System.NH is 2019 and also Outside the Timeline). Seodore breaks it ALL the time bc he Knows but doesnt SEE. Tangent but can you tell I really like the metafiction groups. I like System.NH + Seodore + Mutei, I think it's fun.

It's about the quiet things going on in the background. About blood, about factors, about inheritance. The contrast between the domesticity of daily life (seodore canonically makes him breakfast!). It's about "I'll take your hand, Seodore" (PARAPHRASING AGAIN) and things left unspoken. It's about what he says about Seodore in his journal from 1999. (see just before record 4. yt tl doesnt show us whats inside unfortunately).

Also it's SO good that they have other priorities than each other. They both know and are fully aware of this and it's so <33

This is why I like the intro scene to DLC so much too-- they both know that they're dying there. Even if this plan works, even if things change, even if the interaction between the Rainbow Factor Artifact (Malkuth) and Respawn means that there's a chance to save Reiji, then the selves that exist in this moment still die. This is peak yaoi to me.

There is something to be said about how sanemitsu refuses to risk using this power, until the very last moment. He only does so when Reiji is dead and he's lost the last person he wanted to cling to so desperately.

Fun Fact: Seodore has his eyes closed for this entire scene except for ONE frame as sanemitsu raises the blade <3

I realize a lot of this is about them as a duo but not necessarily in a shipping lens oops.

From the lens of them as a COUPLE, they dont talk about it LMAO. They are doing couple things and ignoring their feelings about it bc theyre both still mourning other people. I do think they're the kind of couple who do domestic things like grocery shopping together,, cooking,, sitting around at home,, a casual kind of comfort in each other. The hand holding symbolism gets to me. "ill take your hand" linked with THIS SCENE, RIGHT AFTER THAT LINE. Linked with Sanemitsu's scarred hand only being present in S+ because it comes from killing Seodore. They mean everything to me.

You have no idea how crazy i went when i saw this scene DSALKLKJDSA

This ended up off topic. this all factors into the dynamic of two guys who keep thinking about other things and have a lot going on but can choose to find comfort in each other regardless. i think they should kiss <3

anyways. these are my guys who i love and adore. Seosane forever <3

[1bringthesun]

have any of you read “Dancing Girl?” gosh, it just made me sad. Mori Ougai is a really good author haha, hahaha. hah… h-

.

..

…

yeah i’m relating this to bsd! Mori. BITE ME!! ahem. so in this essay i will be talking about Elise and Mori’s relationship. i’ve already established i don’t see her as his “wife” or the object of his sexual desires, and i’ve also mentioned i like the “Elise is his daughter,” way of seeing things, however … well, there’s more than just that.

1) Elise represents his inner child

2) Elise preserves the memory of a dead lover and is his “partner”

3) Elise is a child-figure to him

those numbers will be reused in that order to mean the same thing later, but first, background and “Dancing Girl!”

so i think that, within the definition of his and Elise’s relationship, Mori embodies Toyotarou from “Dancing Girl” more than Kanei from “Vita Sexualis” (i think i learned which type of media went in italics and which sort in quotes some time in third grade, but it’s been entirely too long and therefore i’ve forgotten all of it and you’ll have to excuse my poor grammar if im messing it up). why, you may ask? well, first of all, Elise is literally from that novel. second of all, i’ve just skimmed vita sexualis (- an asexual) while “Dancing Girl” managed to catch my attention a lot more. plus, Mori was one of the characters that Asagiri explicitly stated he wanted to add in, and we all know just how evil Asagiri Kafka can be when he feels like it.

… why is the space so long ? why are these spaces different sizes?? this is really bugging me … but whatever, i’ll try my best to ignore it … (nevermind it looks perfectly normal when i post it i guess it’s just a. draft thing)

ahem, so, in “Dark Era,” Mori basically goes “damn Dazai you’re suicidal as hell! you remind me of myself hahah!” and i feel like that’s pretty concrete evidence Mori Did Not have a happy childhood (i mean, duh, considering he was trigger-happy to friendly fire as an important military man at 20 some years old) and was likely suicidal in the past too, to some extent. in that sense, the chains that tie Dazai down, if they’re Odasaku’s last words, are the Port Mafia for Mori. he cannot die as long as he’s sane and capable of leading the PM, because he’s basically the very embodiment of it.

⚠️SPOILERS FOR “DANCING GIRL!”⚠️

alright, onto “Dancing Girl.” i’ll give you a quick rundown. it’s basically about this college dude (25 or so) (haha that reminds me of the, “am i the asshole?” posts. i (M26) just fell in love with a girl (F18) of whom i’ve known since she was a minor and i was still an adult. i got her pregnant by some time after she became of-age, then i left her to pursue my career. am i the asshole?) (godamn it tai you just spoiled the whole novel) (i’ll put a spoiler warning up somewhere in the beginning) (bear with me) with depression who falls in love with a… looks at the parenthesis and sighs deeply.

he doesn’t see any point in anything because his life was just a glorified projection of his mother and school’s desires, so he starts being a little more hedonistic and learning about the arts instead of becoming a lawyer like they wanted him to. he meets Elise (her name) and basically immediately feels attracted to her in some way he can’t put into words (she’s 17ish when they meet btw) and starts teaching her things and basically acting like a sponsor to her. they don’t start getting romantic and/or sexual until some unsaid period of time passes. now i personally choose to interpret this as her turning 18 before they do all that stuff, but since it never explicitly says, well… yeah. Toyotarou is used to living his life in a cushy-ish manner as a child prodigy and what have you, but he eventually gives that away to live with Elise. that being said, his “giving it away” was less of a choice to be with her and more of a digression from a perfect machine into a person with his own stunted feelings.

she makes him satisfied, and he makes her very deeply happy, but eventually he chooses his career over her and she goes crazy because of how betrayed she feels- she really deeply loved him, after all. he pays her mother enough to keep her afloat and to take care of the baby he left in her stomach, and went back to Japan without another word. Toyotarou! you bastard!! (it’s not like he was without remorse, though)

anyway back to the numbers.

1) Mori’s past is pure speculation, but he was a military doctor ranked quite high as a very young man, one that didn’t hesitate to shoot someone on his own side no less (like i said) so it’s probably a given he didn’t have a stress-free childhood. this is an excerpt from “Dancing Girl,” in which i think explains the possibility that Elise represents the angry child inside of Mori that he never got to let out as a real child.

2) given what i said above, this also feels pretty self-explanatory. we basically only know two things about Mori, that he would do anything for the greater good (which is usually the PM/yokohama), and that he longs for a “partner” who will understand and not leave him. it’s possible Fukuzawa filled that role for a while, but Mori is a little unhinged and did some bad things out of obsession, which severed their ties because of Fukuzawa’s innate nature. Mori has called Elise his partner (tsuma, AKA person who stays by my side) (i know nobody says tsuma and means it that way but considering “Yatsugare san” exists (yes i’m looking straight at you, AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE), i wouldn’t put it past Asagiri to use tsuma in that manner) before and acts dramatic as all hell when she dies. it’s almost like … someone called Elise really DID die before?

3) this requires the least explanation. we already know Mori likes children in a non-pedo way, shown by things like how he helped Atsushi gather his courage in Anne’s room (which did nothing for him, btw) and his profession in the beast AU. but what sort of mafia don has a cute daughter?? that’s like ASKING for her to be killed. so Elise, the product of Vita Sexualis, is the next best thing he can have!

Elise also is a lot like the Toyotarou, while Mori acts more like Elise when they’re together. it’s just something i noticed watching the two interact in BSD and DG. the whole idea of having no autonomy is kinda Elise’s (BSD) thing, isn’t it?

my phone is now 20% and i have no charger. i have probably 69 viruses and also since i have apps like tiktok, wechat, and discord… you can imagine how much this poor device suffers, but i regret nothing. yahoo! hope you enjoyed my rant~

[studentbyday]

my 🧠 feels like ✨cHaOs✨ and so this post will be ✨cHaOs✨

I went to the biochem Q&A sesh today

and OMG DID I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS I DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE THAT MANY but I'm glad I attended, else it would've taken longer to get a response but now I have to revise (and by that I mean cut) a LOT from my paper and re-think how I'm doing it, if I'm doing it right or veering off topic (bc one thing when you're researching a disease new to you is that there's sm info out there and you're like 🙌🏻 EVERYTHING IS RELEVANT 🙌🏻 but no- only the biochem-related aspects of the disease are relevant for this assignment). idk how off-topic i actually am or if i'm pretty on the mark, but ngghhh tHe FiRsT dRaFt Is DuE On TuEsDaY *frantically waves arms, noodle-like* 🙌🏻 that doesn't feel like a lot of time to write the whole thing in all the detail i want so i can get useful feedback 😫

catching up on psyc notes (total ch finished this week: 2/5)

idk why but pomodoro and perky jazz music is the only thing keeping me focused for this.

fixing biochem paper

i read somewhere on here about having a document of your cuts in case you need it again later. useful advice, that. 👏🏻 also, i think what i should do first is make notes in a separate doc and THEN decide what to do with all that info...it might sound like it'll take longer but it's more efficient than writing a whole bunch and then realizing half of it is info you don't need. my stupid panicky brain couldn't realize that in the beginning (even tho that's what it had done b4 for other "essay-like" assignments) and was either stuck in analysis paralysis or just editing and re-editing, but better now than later (i haven't written THAT much beyond the intro anyway 😅)...

in other news, i got enough sleep for once bc i went to bed super early and ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP BEFORE 12AM LIKE WHAT IS THIS MADNESS (ig i finally tired myself out enough these past few days 🤷🏻‍♀️) and despite waking up multiple times throughout the night bc i'm not used to the schedule, i am well-rested 😌 and my back is still being annoying but at least it's a little better than yesterday + i get to study while cozy in bed 🥰

[gogandmagog]

Thanks to some friends at the Lucy Maud Montgomery institute (what up, University of PEI), I was recently put on to the ‘100th Anniversary Scholarly Annotated Anne of Green Gables,’ and you guys… you know how the Grinch’s heart ‘grew three sizes’ that one Christmas in Whoville? Well, similarly, my little brain grew three sizes by the time I was even a quarter of the way through that book.

I cannot recommend it enough, to any dedicated Anne fans. I’s guess I personally still need several months, to fully process everything.

Lucy Maud!!! She was so so so… deep, and thoughtful, and capable of weaving together stories of such intricacies that one scarcely can begin realize what seeds are being planted. The stealth feminism that is so natural and abundant, because feminism is natural and abundant.

In the annotated book (so many contributors to credit, I’ll update this post for sure when it’s somewhere less than midnight), we learn so much. You see things you provably never saw before.

And a major disclaimer right here, before the cut, because I’m doing by best here to summarize a level of absurd genius that is not necessarily easy to grapple, and HEAVY quoting the brilliance of this piece, and other essays others have written on this piece, so pls understand that 0% of what’s coming was borne of my own insight. Just straight up copy/paste behavior here. And also, consider doing yourself a favor at this point by sitting down or holding on to something.

From the jump, the ‘100th ANNEiversay Scholarly ANNEotated Book’ outlines Montgomery's evolution of the first Anne text drafts to make very deliberate and clearly feminist points.

For example, as they say, it is one of the first (perhaps the very first) bildungsromans about a woman who comes of age in mind and spirit as well as in body and community. “In traditional European symbolism, men get associated with sky and spirit, women with earth and body.” In the long, lyrical passages that describe the beauty of Prince Edward Island, Montgomery begins with the trees and the flowers -- which she scoured Canadian and American sources to find feminine vernacular names for -- like "Lady's Slipper." Masculine flower names, such as "Bachelor's Button," are changed out for "aster" or for feminine alternatives. Anne usually gives them feminine personal names too, "Snow Queen" we are looking at you. Sometimes LMM writes the masculine name in her first-pass manuscript and later comes back with a neutral or feminine alternative. She was purposefully locating the feminine in the flowers and then -- in just about every passage describing flowers at length -- she expands the focus to the sky. Sunsets, stars, sunrises, clouds, all of that symbolically extends Anne from the bodily world of the earth into the spiritual and intellectual world symbolized by the sky. A traditionally masculine world. It's deliberately transgressive. She isn't just waxing poetic about the vast beauty of Canada; she's locating Anne within a symbolic structuring of the world where Anne, crucially, has an emotional and intellectual life that is put on an equal plane with traditional masculine coming-of-age stories ... but without denigrating the femininity of the earth. She also applies flower words to the sky itself, describing its colors as "marigold" and "saffron" and so on. The down-to-earth stories of women doing women's work is a feminist point, that Anne can dream and learn and love and go to college and teach, but she can also sew and weave and care for children and become a wife and mother. She uses a symbolic structure of Earth Mother/Sky Father that dates back to Plato and that reaches its full flower in the Romantic poets that Anne loves -- in order to subvert it and locate women and men on an equal footing, and to make the claim for young women reaching for the profoundly-metaphorical stars.

Anne appears in spring, like Persephone, and starts bringing Avonlea to life -- and almost the first thing she does in Avonlea is wear live flowers into the church. HEY SYMBOL OF PATRIARCHY, HAVE SOME FEMININITY IN UR TEMPLES. The actual Prince of Wales College in Charlottetown becomes Queens College -- COLLEGE IS FOR LADIES, YO.

Quotations in Montgomery are never JUST the apt point to the moment, but virtually always point to the larger work the quotation comes from and, if you know the reference, underlines her themes or make deeper points about the characters or situations. (Like referencing the masculine romantic epics that Anne loves, to make the point that Anne is going through the same quest, just like a boy.) Names too -- Biblical Anne is the mother of Mary -- Marilla -- who in the book is a virgin-become-mother, who both mothers Anne and is mothered by her as Anne helps give birth to Marilla's long-repressed true self. Rachel Lynde, as in Judaism, stands for fertility, the mother of Avonlea, a symbol of plenty and fecundity and earthy women -- it's no accident she's fat and poor love-starved Marilla is thin. Diana is a pagan, sensual girl, who is always described as wearing (or eating) something red, and is the only character in the book to get drunk. Her physicality is sometimes set against Anne's spirituality -- but not too much, because this isn't a book about either/or but about both/and when it comes to the physical and spiritual.

It's a book about mutually-supportive relationships between and among women and how that love helps them self-actualize. There's only ever room for one man at a time in these novels -- not until Matthew dies can Gilbert enter Anne's life, because men are so secondary to the narrative in Anne, which is about the webs of support that women weave to support and uplift each other, to hold together communities, to make it possible for women to become fully self-actualized, spiritual, intellectual, bodily people.

I think, in some ways, it would have been a bit of a cheat for Anne to become a famous writer, because a large point the novel makes is not that women can be just like men, but that women are fully-actualized human beings as women and don't have to imitate men; that the world of women is rich and valuable, and that women are not thereby less intelligent or less spiritual than men. Having her become a wife and mother, as most women of that era did, and leading a rich, fulfilling life in that role is probably a more fit ending to Anne's story than if she'd been "exceptional," since Lucy Maud Montgomery's (hereafter to be known as literary Beyoncé) entire point is that it's not just the rare, unusual woman who has a rich interior life -- it's all women.

[wehadfaces]

tag game!

tagged by @warningsine, thank you! i have a bunch from the past saved in my drafts, which i will resurrect one day bc they're fun <3

Last song/piece I listened to: U Were Not Here by 潘PAN feat. Chiu Pi. The sound production on it is *chef's kiss*

Last book I read: I can't remember, I think it was "And Then There Were None" by Agatha Christie?

Last film I watched: Cry Wolf (1947) dir. Peter Godfrey. I think it fell flat because it was 1947 and I am typically opposed to remakes, but I think a modern retelling of this would be fantastic. I have a 3am scrambled essay written about this, including a fan cast, somewhere lmao

Last TV series: I can't remember, I think when I finished "The Bear"?

Last video game (if applicable): I haven't played in forever, but "Animal Crossing: New Horizons."

Last thing I googled: the hours for a new Indian take out place near me

Last thing I ate: a leftover doughnut

Sweet, Savory or Spicy: savory, with spicy

Amount of sleep: [looks at the camera like I'm Fleabag] 2-3 hours? <-- keeping that because same and exactly

Currently reading: still working on "The Hours" by Michael Cunningham (had to take a break) and also "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, and various poetry collections

Currently watching: I'm currently watching "So Help Me Todd" and "Abbott Elementary" with my mom, and some Star Trek: TNG, but mostly Star Trek: DS9. Mainly just comfort shows for the time being <3

tagging: @grusinskayas, @poeticsinnamon, @karathraces, @emuculate, @hardcockcafe, and anyone else who wants to do this! i never know who likes these and doesn't, so if you happen to see this and want to participate, i actively tag you <3

[mintymelty]

YHS: A Serialization [] 2. Quid Quo Pro

════ ⋆💙⋆ ════

💙: “And that’s why the people here are brainwashed.”

💛: “Katherine… I just asked you how your first period was. There’s no need for that tinfoil hat. I swear- You see ONE teenager with manners and you think the school’s water supply’s been sabotaged to keep us compliant.”

💙: “It hasn’t?”

💛: “NO.”

💙: “Dang… well besides that this school’s nice IG.”

💛: “Did- Did you just say IG out loud?? And you don’t sound out the letters-”

💙: “Shut up!! Just tell me what happened in your class.”

💛: “OKAY, well I just finished the first draft of my introductory essay and applied for the NHS program. You know, nothing that special.”

💙: “Cool, cool…”

💛: “You didn’t start your outline yet, haven’t you?”

💙: “Oh my god- okay I don’t have any ideas for it, KIM. If you’re so good at writing and stuff why don’t you give me an idea?”

💛: “It’s an essay about you. I’m evidently not you, so I can only give an outsider’s view for your essay.”

💙: “Well what’s your opinion of me or whatever?”

💛: “Loud, impatient, impulsive-“

🧪: “Ms. Phan, what elements do you add to to create the compound ‘gold’?

💛: “Umm… you add element 79 and.. um..”

💙: “Ms. Fletcher, gold’s already an element. You don’t add anything.”

🧪: “Good job Ms. Nguyen. Ms. Phan, make sure you think over the questions before answering, after all arrogance leads to failure.”

💛💙: “…Okay?”

🧪: “Anyways, today we will go over class rules and lab requirements. I expect the packet and fee turned in to me by this Friday.”

◁◁ ► ▷▷

OKAY ME close call! Ms. Fletcher passed out a packet on the class rules and the lab requirements. Unfortunately I need to pay a 50 dollar fee to cover lab equipment expenses.. and it’s due this week…and I’m not gonna beg Kim for money (it would be shameful to my ancestors) so I’ll see if anyone’s willing to lend me some…

◁◁ ▐ ▌ ▷▷

🗣 “ERM… what do you mean you don’t have any phone cases for sale? GO AWAY, thank yew.”

👤 “Oh no! I left my wallet at home! Sorry… anyways so Lily are you still up for the mall?”

🐼: “Yeah, actually. You can do something for me.”

💙: “REALLY? Thank you so much-“

🐼: “No problem girl! My name’s Olivia but my friends call me Liv.”

💙: “Thanks, Liv-“

🐼: “Olivia.”

💙: “Oh.. well thank you anyways. What do you need?”

🐼: “Ah.. you see, I was “hanging out” somewhere at school with my boyfriend James and I kinda lost a pendant someone gave me.”

💙: “Okay.. where tho?”

🐼: “…ᵇᵒʸˢ ˡᵒᶜᵏᵉʳ ʳᵒᵒᵐ.”

💙: “What?”

🐼: “Sausage zone.”

💙: “OH! OKAY uhh…” Oh god. I’ll be smelling like axe for the rest of the week, and that’s if I can even get in there. “I’ll try.. what does the pendant look like?”

🐼: “Oh it’s like yellow with a red inside. You’ll know it when you see it.”

💙: “Alright.. you’ll give me the 50 dollars if I do it, right?”

🐼: “Yep! I’ll even give a good word about you to my friends, and not to brag or anything, but if my clique likes you, your life will be MUCH easier.”

💙: “Then it’s a deal! See ya soon.”

════ ⋆💙⋆ ════

[seenthisepisode]

hi! I saw your post about the why episode title change why 11 scenes cut why lamp etc etc and I know some of it but not all, and I was hoping you could elaborate on spngate— if it’s not too much trouble— or point me in a direction where I can join you in the spn gate?

I feel ashamed for HOW LONG i let this ask just rot in my askbox (it's from january, apparently, now it's april. i thought maybe two weeks passed but NO. it was months. ANON I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART) but now with the power of this url and the wine i am currently sipping, let me give you the best, most thought-out answer that i possibly can.

I don't know how long you've been following/watching spn, so I won't get into real deep iceberg theories that go back to season 8 and jeremy carver, for the purpose of this essay answer I'll just stick to the year anno domini 2020, and will try to do my best to tell you what happened.

Okay, maybe 2019. So, in june 2019, when the first scripts and drafts for s15 are presented, these things happen: 1. apparently, according to Berens, the confession scene is the first thing that was written for season 15. 2. Jensen Ackles is sat down and asked if he would be okay with this. (question is asked: why would they ask jensen if all he does in this scene is look at cas, he doesn't say anything, he does not confess, it changes nothing about his character, etc.; if you put the real tjlc tinfoil hat on you'd ask hey , maybe they asked him if precisely that is okay, if he is okay with the fact dean is practically silenced here but that's Deep) 3. Jensen apparently is okay with that, because it happens.

also this thing happens around the same time: 1. they write the ending for the brothers, and no matter what version of the finale we're talking about, Dean dies 2. Jensen Ackles is Not Okay with this. he calls Kripke who then, in a call and/or email assures him it's a good ending (Jensen says that) and also very quickly after that Jensen is announced to play Soldier Boy in Kripke's The Boys. make of that what you want

They film, blah blah, march 2020, covid happens, they stop production right after they film the confession. Last episode to air is 15x13, last episode they film is 15x18, they almost have a plane crush when flying to vegas con, and then, a loooong break until august 2020. Now, from what we know, there were two versions of the finale - the pre-covid finale they were supposed to film if the filming schedule wasn't interrupted, and the finale that happened.

What was supposed to be in the Original Finale/Pre-Covid Finale, we still don't know exactly, but from what the cast said, there was supposed to be a big cast reunion, Harvelle's Roadhouse in Heaven, Kansas Band (why are they dead?) playing there after Dean gets there and so on.

Anyway. July 2020. Misha does a livestream with Michael Sheen (the SuperGood campaign) where he says he is going back to filming the last two episodes in a few weeks. he said it LIVE. it's on youtube. people analyze the background from Misha's livestreams and photos and conclude he is in Vacouver, where spn is filmed. He also says that he is going back filming in a few interviews. Also here.

August 2020. They go back to filming in august 2020 to film 15x19 and 15x20.

August 20th, 2020, Misha's birthday.

I wasn't on set TODAY. so casual. of all days i wasn't there today.

August 24th, 2020, day 6/8 of filming 15x19, Angel with a Shotgun is hash tag Song of The Day while filming scenes of 15x19 (scene 28, 31).

September 4th, 2020. ALL THEY FILM, for the whole DAY, is one scene. They usually film a few. They film one. Song of the day? The Night We Met.

Somewhere before the episodes starts to air again, Dabb says only 30% of the audience will like the finale. Anyway, everyone concludes, Misha is filming, destiel is more or less going canon, but everyone including bibros is sure Misha is filming and will be there for the finale.

Originally, "Despair" was called "The Truth".

Finale airs.

It feels shorter (apparently it's not) but it does have an additional ad break. For Walker. But it feels shorter because of the "carry on my wayward son" cover montage that lasts too long and later it's discovered thanks to scripts that dropped that there are ELEVEN scenes that were filmed,, but didn't make it to the episode. The script that drops is also very telling, where scenes are just [OMMITTED]. It was explained that they wanted to have actor there but they didn't want actors to quarantine for two weeks to film one or two scenes BUT then that's exactly what they did with Jim Beaver lmao.

So yeah. I also remember Misha at a con (DarkLight?) where, after asked about the original ending, he answers that the original ending was something that would be better explored in fanfiction anyway. Theory rises he filmed and was cut off the episode without his or Jensen's knowledge because Misha sat down his kids to watch the spn finale (which was the first episode they were supposed to watch ever, why would he do that if he's not there?) and then, CW SPN twitter posts a goodbye video that has everyone from the cast and their mother BUT MISHA AND JENSEN ARE NOT THERE. Jensens sexy silence starts.

THEN THE WILDEST THING HAPPENS.

November 25th, the Spanish Dub. 15x18 drops in Brazil and Dean says "and i you" to Cas, after he confesses. No "don't do this cas" but "and i you". Tumblr stops working for two hours, people on discords are screaming, no one knows whats happening, someone claims Jensen was called in September 2020 to record some adlibs? To record the muffled sobs Dean does while on the floor. Theory is supported by the fact that in the Bazil version? When Dean sits on the floor? The sound that plays are birds. Chirping birds. Sounds don't match, what was Dean saying while crying on the floor, question arises.

Everyone decides there was a Rogue Translator who managed to hide from The CW Sniper (who is the reason actors just dont tell us everything) and translated some kind of Original Script. Voice Actors are invited to a podcast where they debunk this saying that it was added because the translator felt this was the right response or something like that. Anyway they debunk the fact that there existed, at any time, a version of a script, that maybe was send to them, where Dean says I love you too. This was a wild night, no one slept.

And like. I could make this post longer, but I am planning to, one day, make a huge masterpost with real sources about that because honestly you could write a book about it.

But tl;dr spngate is a theory that misha did film for the last 2 episodes and the changes they made were truly last minute (september 2020), they were going for a canon destiel, possibly human!cas engame, dabb was always on our side, and it's based on stuff like jensen actively hating the ending to the point he made his prequel after 2 years of radio silence, 11 scenes just cut from the finale, misha saying he is going back filming, and people like mark pellegrino saying the last scene he filmed was with alex and misha. also the onion field. why lamp is the theory that cas is represented and symbolized by lamps throughout the show and when dean dances with a Lamp in a drug induced dream instead of, say, some kind of a lady he is actually thinking about cas.

also there are little things like when jensen at an online con before the finale says that oh yes i am wearing a grey flannel but tomorrow? who know it could be blue and green. and we all collectively lost our shit. like when he said he is most excited to "tackle" with cas in season 15. or that "dean has no taste, clearly". WHY WAS YOUR PERMISSION NEEDED JENSEN

there are a lot of things i didn't mention here because i simply can't unflod this whole thing just like that but

but if you understand this picture you might be entitled to financial compensation

[simmysunset]

What is your single best piece of writing advice?

Ooooof this is a hard one to answer. Can I give two answers lol? The first one is just kind of inspiration to tell the story you want, and the second is more about how you write in general.

First, listen to the quote, "Every story has been told and every song has been sung, but not by you." So, even if you think your idea isn't original or you think it's been done a million times, still tell the story anyway. Someone somewhere is going to love it. It's going to be someone's favorite version of the story/trope/plot/character/whatever.

Second, take my sister's advice she gave me when I was in 8th grade. Long story short, we had to write an essay in English and put it into this program that would give us a rating out or 4.0 for like 5 categories, and it would give you spots to improve on in those categories. We were graded on if we could get our rating to improve by a certain amount, like 0.75 or something, by our final draft. So, if you got a 2.75 on your first draft, your goal was to get a 3.5 or better by the final draft. And I struggled so much with this because I'm someone who likes things to be perfect from the first draft. But that's not realistic, and also makes it really hard for you to improve that much when your score is already so high to begin with. So, my sister told me, "For your first draft, don't use the delete button. Use run-on sentences, spelling mistakes, grammar errors, the wrong punctuation, and don't bother separating things into their own paragraphs. Make it one big block of a mess, not just to get it out of your head, but to guarantee that you'll improve more than 0.75 by your final draft."

To this day, I still have a hard time following these pieces of advice, but when I stop and think about them, I'm usually able to do better.

[altschmerzes]

any clue as to when chapter two of the torture fic might release? Id kill a man for some of that gorgeously written angsty comfort. (in the snippets youve given how itd affecting jack is absolutely tearing at my heart its so good)

it should be pretty soon!! it's getting up there in wordcount, i'm predicting it'll be about the same as part 1. i'm in the finals stretch so my time is extremely strained at the mo but i also tend to work in bursts around essays and exams this time of hear so that doesn't necessarily mean anything XD and regardless, i'm almost done with the term, so my time is my own soon!! regardless: shouldn't be too much longer and then it'll be an. enormous 35k+ or so chapter that is. entirely angsty comfort and traumatic medical evaluation/treatment.

in the meantime, here's a clip from part 2, under the cut along with warnings bc. well. this is the torture fic after all lmao. and bc it's..... a Very Long Clip, it's like, 1k-ish, enjoy :)

(warnings: references/sorta flashbacks to sexual assault a la the hickey thing in part 1, mac is just generally not in a. good state. rn. the trauma is extremely fresh, he's in a lot of pain, and he's just been helped out of the supply closet he was hiding in, and realized jack's seen the injuries that make it a little more obvious he's been sexually assaulted - the bite mark, the hickeys.)

“It’s freezing in here,” Jack mutters.

The sound of his voice makes Mac twitch. It’s not quite a flinch but it’s halfway there at least, and he tries to quell the rattled shivers coursing through his body like spiderweb cracks through ice. He takes a step to the side and leans against the admissions desk, needing support but unwilling to lean against the wall. Glancing down, Mac gathers the ends of his shirt closed as best as he can, trying to shield his torso from the cold and from view.

Movement in Mac’s peripheral vision catches his eye and he looks over. Jack’s found a blanket somewhere, shaking it out and examining it.

“It’s not much, but it’s clean,” he says, walking over with it and stopping a few feet away. “I think Sam left it here for us. Nice of her.”

Mac tries to reach for the blanket but his shoulders won’t let him get that far. He purses his lips to muffle the pained sound he makes, hoping Jack hadn’t heard it.

“Hey, easy, I got it. You just let me do all the work.”

It takes all of Mac’s focused willpower to keep himself from moving, staying still and letting Jack finish crossing the distance separating them with the blanket. Jack lifts it slowly, draping it around Mac’s shoulders. The effect is immediate, blocking the faint draft that seems to have been drifting through the office this whole time and bringing some amount of warmth back to Mac’s chilled body. As his partner continues to adjust it, the folded edge of the blanket touches Mac’s neck and sends an immediate tidal wave of panic through him. He shudders, inhaling sharply and saying, “No, don’t.”

The words are barely comprehensible, a shredded collection of syllables, but somehow Jack understands the problem immediately. He fixes the blanket, rearranging it so that it hangs in a loose drape that doesn’t come into contact with the bruises on Mac’s neck at all. “There you go, that should help some.” For a final touch, Jack tucks the edges together in the front where Mac can hold them himself and be covered, at least from the collarbones down.

The relief at being shielded again, the battered and bleeding skin of Mac’s torso out of sight for the first time since Murdoc started cutting his clothes off, is a heady rush. It’s good as well to finally have some kind of real barrier against the cold that’s surely going to get worse as soon as they head out through the propped-open door. Even so, there are still things that have Mac on edge.

A breeze from the open door shivers through Mac’s hair and across his neck, chilling his skin where the blanket being adjusted low away from his bruised throat has left him vulnerable to the frigid temperatures. He’s acutely aware of the hickey high up almost at his jaw and he pictures it involuntarily. The sight of it in the mirror is seared into his mind, and he wonders how much more livid it looks now. It’s going to be a bad one. The forcible intrusion of the image in the mirror is replaced with the sensation of Murdoc’s head grinding against Mac’s as his teeth scraped skin. He can remember too the hot, insistent pressure of Murdoc sucking at his neck and the slick, wet sounds that accompanied it. Mac cringes and shudders, rolling his head to get the feeling to go away. He needs to dislodge that moment from his mind, but the movement hurts enough to make his breath catch.

“Mac, what’s going on?” Jack’s question is immediate and attentive. The way he watches Mac and doesn’t miss anything is almost a physical weight. “Something feeling worse? Something we need to take care of right now?”

All that Mac can do in response to the questions is shake his head. He can’t speak and it’s not even because of the damage to his wounded throat. It’s because of the way every ounce of Mac’s energy is already caught up in fighting against a memory he can’t break out of, because he can still feel Murdoc’s cheek against his and the wet smear of tears in the friction between their skin. His breath hitches again and the bruises ringing his neck ache.

“Mac, talk to me.”

Another shake of the head. He can’t, he can’t.

“Okay. Okay.” Jack’s voice is a distressed, talking-to-himself mutter, and then it rises back into a directive register, the slightly-too-loud, slightly-too-slow tone of talking to a disoriented and traumatized person. Mac knows that tone. He’s heard it two dozen times over, and it never gets less embarrassing to have it directed at him. “Finding it hard to talk?”

When Mac nods it hurts, but he does it again anyway, nodding harder, needing to convey how very much he can’t speak right now.

“Okay. That’s okay. Do you need anything?”

The question sticks in Mac’s mind like a particularly tricky bit of a physics problem. He can’t do anything to answer it, not really - he shakes his head, then nods, then shakes it again. It’s too complicated to think about, too impossible to answer in his fractured, pathetic state.

“Alright, that’s on me,” Jack says quickly, and his ‘traumatized victim’ voice has slipped sideways a bit into something else, something softer, sadder. It’s a strange thing to hear while he’s supposed to be acting as Agent Dalton - it’s too raw. Too personal. “That was the wrong sorta thing to ask, that’s alright. I’m not mad. Nobody’s mad at you.” The reassurance, despite the way Mac hadn’t even said anything, makes him want to break down all over again. “You don’t gotta think any harder on it. Let’s just get you out to the car, okay?”

Mac is so grateful - for the patience, the care, the fact that he’s been rescued at all and he’s going to get to go home - that his eyes burn and he feels a tear slip down his cheek, followed quickly by another. His face feels wet and tacky, chilled by the periodic rush of winter wind, and the feeling just brings the sense memory of Murdoc’s mouth on his neck back to the forefront of his mind all over again. He cringes, remembering the way he had cried then too, and reaches for his face to wipe the sensation away. Except that Mac’s hands can’t get up far enough, not with the pain in his shoulders and how he’d have to let go of the blanket to reach. A quiet almost-sob catches in his aching throat and he shudders, twitching with the aborted inability to even wipe off his own face.

“Can I?”

When Mac looks up and sees that Jack is right there, closer than he remembered, he leans back at first on instinct. But there’s nothing behind his back, nothing trapping him there, and the hand held up towards his face isn’t grabbing or forcing. It isn’t moving at all, actually. It’s just staying there between them, waiting for Mac’s response to the question.

Just a tiny fraction of a movement, Mac nods. Permission granted, Jack slowly, carefully wipes his cheeks dry with the pad of his thumb and the second knuckle of his index finger - small, tender touches that paradoxically make Mac want to cry even harder. It works, though. It dries his face and is enough to bring him firmly out of the memory, too. The feeling of Jack’s cautious touch, present and real and gentle in the here and now, has displaced the phantom of Murdoc’s invasive assault, bringing Mac back to the current moment and keeping him there.

“You ready to go?”

It takes a moment of blinking at him, suspicion and anxiety stringing a high violin note through Mac’s lungs, but scrutiny of Jack’s face and voice doesn’t turn up any kind of trick. It’s just a question, and all he seems to want is an answer.

“Yeah,” Mac rasps, and then it’s his turn to be studied until Jack nods, having evidently not found anything objectionable in his searching either.