#still waiting for this to pass and for myself to be not such an unapproachable asshole towards everyone and everything

[skybluekoneko]

I'm so full of anger. I just want to cry or scream or break everything in my vicinity. I guess the anger is mainly frustration deep down, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel so hateful towards myself and the entire world.

[mesetacadre]

How do you avoid becoming a doomer with politics? I want to be more politically active but the current political climate makes me feel depressed.

talked more about this here but essentially, nothing is static. Conditions change all the time, the quantity of organized people can fall and rise (with parallel but not necessarily 1:1 development of quality). What today seems like an impassable wall, tomorrow (not literally tomorrow) will more and more began to be seen as a necessary step for an improvement to happen. The fact that there exists a scientific method of analysis of history and capitalism also acts as an accelerant; how much time passed between the first bourgeois state and the first formulation of scientific communism, 50 years? That is unprecedented in the history of modes of production, and it only took another 50-60 years after that before the first relatively permanent instance of the next mode of production.

The way I see this, inaction and pessimism feed into each other, pessimism favors inaction, and inaction reinforces pessimism, by limiting your perception because it limits personal experience. And that cycle can only be broken by first stopping that inaction, since it is possible (not always) to force yourself to act against your general feelings. And then, only by working against that inaction and finding an organization/party or general line of action that works for you, can you begin to sustain an action-optimism cycle (of course, it isn't this simple and I would not call my outlook to be optimistic, but this is the best way I can think of explaining this). This cycle is, in my experience, very fragile, and somewhat often I continue to act through periods of relative pessimism by inertia and by the continuance of the responsibilities that bind me to my party most strongly. I can keep talking about the way society and the economy evolve, but at a personal and more inmediate scale, this is the only way to avoid "doomerism", at some point you're going to have to start acting if you want to avoid it, and rethoric can help, of course, but you'll only start to internalize it once you experience becoming an active part of these mechanisms. For me, it sometimes feels like a hobby, other times like a chore, and most times like the best thing I could ever do with my life. But it's crucial that you're not only driven by blind hope. The amount of effort and time you can contribute as an individual will vary wildly, depending on your own personal circumstances, and in my experience the most common type of organized person you'll encounter is the one that can only really dedicate a few days a week or a couple of hours every few days.

There is some nuance to "you have to end your inaction" too, of course. I'm not saying to join the very first group you encounter and dedicate every minute of free time to it, but you also can't be waiting for the perfect opportunity or org to come along. I contacted my ML party on a Tuesday during a winter academic break, while I was only just beginning to stabilize out of a suicidal episode but still depressed, and while considering myself mostly an ancom (I was very lost in that regard, my beliefs were not truly emergent from any proper anarchist core, but I digress). You don't need to have read x books or need to have encyclopedic knowledge of your local movement to begin to organize yourself, and you also don't need to believe 100% in the emancipation of workers. The best time to begin is the next time you have some free time to research and begin to contact some orgs/parties, that's as best as I think I can put it. I can't assure you that it'll be straightforward, but I can assure you that you can't get out of doomerism just by thinking about it.

If it's too daunting, think about those executive dysfunction "tricks". Joining A Party can sound very big an unapproachable, but you can break it down into looking, for example, for "Communist Party of [your country]". Look at their socials, see what they do and say, maybe you find an offshoot org that looks better, or run into a completely unrelated group. Then you contact them, ask when they're doing something in your area or if they can invite you to some kind of meeting, etc. Be willing to contact them if you find a couple of drawbacks too, sometimes rumors turn into the thing everybody says about x or y org, without really reflecting reality. Have criteria, of course, if some org is talking about immigrants like they're invaders, for example, it is probably not worth your time. Everything depends on what your local scene looks like. Getting experience at a mediocre org is still better than staying at home and looking on at the state of the world like it's hopeless. this isn't a very well-structured post, I've been writing this across a few days when I can, I hope it's helpful

[acciocriativity]

Worth the pain - Part of the Soulmate series

Pairing: soulmate! Harry Potter x soulmate! reader

Genre: hurt/comfort

Warnings: mentions of insecurities, a lot of physical pain and Cedric's death; Umbridge

WC: 4,3 k

Harry Potter Masterlist

Flower Shower - George Weasley - part of the Soulmate series

There was only a single thing Umbridge couldn't taint with her evil reign, and she did not appreciate that one bit.

Our class was full of students with brand-new soulmate marks, with a few yet to complete 15 years and get theirs. Of course, we couldn't talk about it during class as much as every other topic, but the glow, the giddiness, the small smile on the lucky one's face must have been too much for her. It was getting to much for me.

In the middle of our useless lesson, when everyone was quiet reading or pretending to do so, she suddenly stood up and cleared her throat.

"I see that some of you now have your soulmate mark, so I offer you a generous advice", she said with her forced happy smile.

Silence.

I bet not a single soul here believes she has something useful to say.

"I bet she doesn't even have one", I hear a small whisper behind me.

I straightened my back.

There were venom in those words, like she doesn't deserve a soulmate being the evil witch she truly is.

But then, why don't I have one?

I throw that thought under the others, much sadder ones. It was not place nor time for this.

"Something as useless as a soulmate mark should not get in the way of your studies. Your OWLS are coming, and I won't tolerate a poor performance in this class, is that understood?"

Again, silence.

"Good, you may keep with your reading", she said, and started to walk through our tables.

Right after Umbridge passed by my side, a note slid inside my unrolled parchment, and I knew it was from the girl, who was quietly working by my side.

This was one of the few classes I had with her, as a Ravenclaw. Still, we were on the same year, and we have known each other since the first DADA class.

As soon as we got out, she tapped my shoulder and waited by the corridor, where her other fellow Gryffindor friends were waiting.

"What was in the note?", I asked her.

"An invitation", a known voice spoke behind me.

"What kind of invitation?", I turned to speak to him, Harry Potter.

In all honesty, he wasn't as impressive as people made him to be all those years back. His presence wasn't particularly striking nor intimidating. What he did in those few years, that was quite impressive, yes.

As I looked at him at that moment, I concluded again that there was no way he was lying about Cedric. He carried that pain in his eyes, even when he was smiling, like now.

"The details are in there, but if you don't wish to participate, give it back to me at dinner", Hermione whispered to me.

Trouble.

When it wasn't with this trio? The interesting part however, it was the first time I was ever included, and it was intriguing to say the least.

They were unapproachable together, it was easy to just talk to Hermione or even Ron occasionally, but I've never seen Harry alone.

"Alright, I'm going to consider it", I said with a small smile and left them there.

A secret chamber and a secret reunion. I was curious, and I couldn't lie to myself, it was flattering to be included in their group.

Still, the amount of trouble this simple invitation could cause...

When dinner time came, and I didn't give it back, they knew my answer. So when I went to the 7th floor, Hermione was already waiting for me, alone, in the corridor.

"Sign your name here", she gave me a paper and a feather ready to be used.

We trained in pairs that night, one attacking and the other blocking. Sometimes I wasn't fast enough, still, when I laid in bed hours later, I barely felt my arms, legs and feet, the dull pain was numbing.

Did Umbridge do such a good job that I forgot how to make such simple spells? Am I that out of shape?

It was an odd kind of pain, sometimes it was too much I couldn't stand, other times, I could barely feel it, like it was about to disappear any moment.

It wasn't the first time I felt that way, but it was the first time it was that bad.

I thought it would be better soon, if I could just get a good night of sleep... Of course, I couldn't, for days I couldn't.

Is this some sort of sick prank?

I thought about it in the middle of the night. The answer was a headache. That specific spot on the right side of my temple kept me awake.

It reminded me of my birthday, only a few days ago. I also couldn't sleep that day, too excited to receive my soulmate mark. I didn't even notice the sunrise, wide awake and disappointed, because the only thing I received was a dull pain in my wrist.

The letter my mother sent was still between my books. She was so excited to hear about my soulmate mark and my thoughts of who it could be. I didn't dare to send an answer.

Suddenly the room was too heavy for me, too dark and too cold. I needed to get out of there, and so I did.

I tiptoed to the empty Common Room, and I felt like the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw was judging me from across the room. Yeah, she had it worse, didn't even meet her soulmate and her daughter was murdered, everyone knew that. Her story was what everyone wanted to avoid at all costs, and I was getting too close for comfort.

I eyed the main door for a moment. I already broke so many rules tonight, what was the problem in breaking one more just for today? As I saw Rowena's statue one more time, I made up my mind and quietly got out.

It was stupid to stay still in the corridor, but it was what I did for a bit.

Where could I go? The monitors could catch me anywhere, or the nosy paintings could snitch on me anytime.

I got chills as I walked carefully through the cold corridors. The windows were all open, and I was thankful to live so high up for the first time ever since I arrived at Hogwarts, because then I felt something else than self-pity and pure pain.

They warned me tonight, this room just ever appeared to one who truly needed it, and it wasn't wise to search for it, as it wouldn't be there anymore. It changed locations. Still, I couldn't go back to bed and endure the pain alone again. I couldn't. I needed some comfort for once, was that to much too ask?

As I turned left to reach the stairs, a strange woody door appeared in the wall and I held in a squeal. I looked around, my breath the only thing I could listen to. So I got in and the warmth made some tears appear in the corner of my eyes.

It was perfect inside.

The room wasn't big. There was a lit fireplace in the corner and two big red chairs in a safe distance from it. The rest of the room was heavily decorated with brown bookcases, a comfy cream carpet and many paintings in a gold frame. I looked through each of them. Some were families in a bunch of different places, others were mountains and other pretty landscapes, places I didn't even know existed. It was so perfect, it looked like real photographs.

This time, I didn't feel the need to hold in and cried, free and with no shame of myself. It was good, it felt relieving. I could express myself in there and no one would ever know. I didn't feel weak or less than, so I took my time.

It wasn't just the soulmate thing, it wasn't just the hell we had to deal with because of Umbridge, it wasn't just the potential threat of Voldemort, it wasn't just the loneliness. I was every single reason that I felt it was too little to cry about, and I held in, because that's what good kids do.

There wasn't a clock in there, nor a window. How does time even work in this place? I didn't know. I didn't know how much time I spent on the floor. But I got up. And I grabbed a book. And I read. Because that's the only thing that could distract me from the happy family on the walls.

Then, the door cracked open and my heart stopped.

This is it. I was caught. I'll be punished and then expelled and my pa-

There was nothing, like some sort of wind just opened the door. Then I saw the tip of a shoe. Then hands and then Harry.

I didn't say a thing, and neither did he. He looked at me as shocked as I looked at him.

Harry's the first one to move. He closed the door and cleaned his throat, an awkward chuckle leaving his lips.

"Do you mind if I stay? Also, can you not tell anyone about this?", he said in a low tone and raised that cape higher.

I nodded.

"Take a sit, maybe there was an extra chair for a reason", I whispered.

I regretted saying anything. If he didn't notice my puffy eyes, then he realized that I've been crying at that moment.

But he didn't comment anything on it and took up on the offer. As he walked closer, the room started to change slightly. The mainly red, cream and brown decoration faltered to a light blue on the walls and black wood instead of brown. I noticed some of the paintings also changed too.

"Did you know that this could happen?", I asked, still focused on the new paintings.

"No, I also didn't expect anyone else in here today", he whispered back, and I felt his eyes on me.

It took me a moment to understand. He could only get in if he's intentions matched mines, like the secret reunion. Only if he also needed some comfort and didn't have a place to go. He knew, and I knew we weren't okay.

"I'm sorry there's not a lot of entertainment for you, just books", I said with the page I was in still opened in my lap.

"This is enough, you can... keep reading, I wouldn't interrupt you", he said and gestured for me to keep going.

"Sure?"

He hummed.

I thought it would be so awkward. My first instinct in any situation like this would be just leave or make conversation. Still, I didn't do any of those, hoping to just focus on the book at hand. I also couldn't do that.

It was calming to be in this position, just beside him in silence, appreciating the feeling of comfort, as it wasn't easy to have it these days and for him, it must have been impossible since forever. It was almost comforting to know someone felt the same, even if the reasons were different, and not have to explain it.

I still tried to read, even though my mind was running with completely different thoughts.

"Thank you for inviting me", I took the courage to whisper to him.

My eyes were focused on the book, but I could see him finally move in his seat and look at me.

"It must have been a big risk to ask me, since I'm not really close to any of you", I kept going, since he didn't answer me.

I started to feel a bit nervous and self-conscious of my ridiculous pajamas as his eyes were focused on me.

"You were only one of the few who believed it", he said, and looked over to the fireplace again.

He didn't explain, and it wasn't needed.

"They believed, at least the majority of people I've seen, but they were too scared to admit that to themselves", I let it slip without thinking, and I caught his eyes again.

I've seen how much he suffered with this, and I've been meaning to say that for many months now, but never got the chance.

I saw a small smile on his lips. "Thanks, it's good to hear that I'm not the crazy one for once".

"But being honest, I don't understand how you are not crazy yet, I respect you for not going completely insane at this point", I said, and he chuckled.

I never felt that good in my life. It was the type of laughter that made his eyes so little it almost disappear, and I felt my heart melt at the sight.

He relaxed more after this, and we talked about more happy topics, and we laughed for I don't know how long. Time could stop and circle forever, but that wouldn't be possible.

But we had to leave when he suddenly remembered he had to go back, so he could wake up Ron, or he would be late for class. Not because he had to sleep, or he would be in trouble if he was the one late, no, because he had this habit of waking Ron up every day.

"That's sweet, you are very sweet Harry", I said and he was clearly caught off guard.

He looked down to the cape and maybe was the fire, but I saw a tint of red on his cheeks.

"I can drop you off if you want", he said when he was already by the door, cape on his shoulder.

I couldn't stop staring at his half invisible body. I didn't comment anything before, but it was so intriguing how that was even possible or how he had it in the first place.

"I don't want to bother", I said and smiled.

It's quite crazy how we went from acquaintances that would only nod to each other to friends that would stop to talk. Some hours and a hard situation really brings people together.

"You wouldn't, I promise", he said, and gave one side of the cape to me.

It was nerve racking to walk so slow and quiet to make sure we wouldn't be caught. Or maybe it was the fact he was so close to me all of a sudden. Or the little whispers he would say from time to time close to my ear. Whatever it was, I was glad it ended, because I couldn't take it anymore.

He left me in front of the door, waved and left, as promised. So why the fuck did I get so sad?

I felt heartbroken as I went to my room, like that comfort was ripped away, even though I was fine when we left. I wasn't the type to dwell on negative feelings, still, I couldn't just let it go. It was like a piece of my heart stayed behind with him.

This is because you didn't find your soulmate yet. This is just loneliness. This is going to pass.

It was what I repeated myself to sleep that night.

First thing in the morning, I wake up feeling hands shaking me.

"Oh my, are you okay? You scared me", a voice said beside me, and I struggled to open my eyes.

"Wha-"

"You started to scream out of nowhere", my roommate huffed and took a step back, helping me get up. "I didn't know you had nightmares."

"I don't, I don't eve-"

I stopped myself. The sunlight was intense through the curtains, which meant...

"What time is it?", I got up, and it took me some seconds to realize I didn't feel any pain, like the other times too.

She was already dressed up, I noticed next. The other girls were already out as I took in my surroundings.

The lack of sleep was affecting me more than I thought.

I didn't wait for an answer and ran to get my uniform and straight to the bathroom.

I spent the whole day waiting for the pain to return, and then the next one, and the one after that. It was unsettling. I knew it was bound to happen again at some point. I barely enjoyed the changes in my new-made friendships, since I now became a bit closer to Hermione and Ron too, as we spent more time talking in-between classes.

But besides that, I still had those weird intense emotions to figure it out. For everytime I felt heartbroken when Harry was away from me, I felt complete when he was near.

But why? Why now? Why suddenly?

Like now, he wasn't in the Gryffindor Common Room and I felt scared, lonely and... defeated?

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?", Hermione's voice brought me back to reality.

She held my arm with care and pulled me away to an emptier and quieter part of the Common Room.

"I do not want to be indelicate, but you're the only one I'm yet to ask, and you do n—"

"You can just ask, I won't take offend, Hermione", I whispered, but it was enough to cut her rambling.

She took a deep breath and leaned in.

"Have you had a different experience with your soulmate mark, like, something uncommon or unheard of?", she analyzed my face while speaking.

"Did you?"

I was hopeful, I couldn't deny it.

Maybe it was that I didn't have a soulmate then, maybe it was an error? Errors can happen, right?

"A friend of mine, the soulmate mark didn't appear, but I can't find anything in any book about it", she leaned back and huffed. "You know, everyone has one, even if a soulmate dies before the other, it appears, so it has to be-"

She was talking to herself more than talking to me at this point. It could almost see her brain working overtime.

"So, what happened to your soulmate mark?", she changed the topic so fast it caught me off guard.

"I don't have one, apparently, the only thing I earned after my birthday was pain."

"What do you mean, pain? Like back pain? Haven't you went to see Mrs. Pomfrey? She'd know how to help you", she patted my arm. "Let's go, I want to see you beat Ron on Wizard Chess."

"I'm not that sure anymore, it's going to be a hard game", I said as we walked back to the sofas.

"It's nice to see that my fame speaks for itself, but I wish you the best of luck", Ron said to me as the board was set.

"It's too early to brag, the results may be surprising", I said as I smiled after taking my seat.

I was indeed a hard game since the start. I lost track of my surroundings a good while ago, the only thing in my head was the next 5 moves Ron could possibly be planning.

Then it hit me. The burning pain on my wrist.

I took a deep breath to conceal the screaming I almost let out. I felt tears flooding my eyes.

"Hey, what happened? I know it is a har—"

"Shut it, Ron."

I heard them, but I couldn't move. My back straight and my head low. I clenched my hands, both hands.

"Hey, is this the pain you talked about?", Hermione kneeled in front of me, her hands on my knees. "Come on, help me carry her to the Hospital Wing."

I couldn't focus on what was going on. It was different this time, it was so much more intense, and I was sure it had to be on my skin this time. It wasn't just a ghost pain anymore.

They helped me stand up, and then it was too much. My legs couldn't hold me up and my eyes were too heavy.

I heard them before I could see them.

"... her?", it was Ron's voice.

"We'll wait for you in the Common Room", Hermione said, and I heard their steps walk away.

The door closed.

I opened my eyes and blinked twice, slowly. The curtains were around the bed, and it was too dark to see anything.

Then I heard his steps closer, it had to be him. My heart pick up the pace, it was a common thing these past few days.

I saw the light on the tip of his wand first and his face later. I expected at least a smile, but his expression was so stoic.

"What's wrong?", I whispered, my throat too dry to speak louder. "What happened?"

I tried to find his eyes, but he wasn't looking at me, so I got up with some effort and gave him some space to seat on the bed with me, but he kept standing by the side of the bed.

"Harry, what wa-"

"I'm sorry", he cut me off.

He took my hand and lift my sleeve, I couldn't see it clearly, but there was a fading scar there. Still, that was the last thing on my mind when his hand was touching me so tenderly.

He caressed the fading scar, his touch light on my skin, as if he was scared to hurt me.

"It doesn't hurt."

It was true. I only felt tingles on my wrist, the pain has been washed away somehow, like it always does.

"They said you fainted."

"It's not you-"

"It is, it's my fault", he released my hand and lift his own sleeve.

The letters were hard to read for me at that moment, but it was clear what it was and, specially, who had caused it.

My heart dropped. It was pretty bad, no, it was worse than that. There was a bit of dry blood on some of the letters.

"Still stings too much?", I held his hand without thinking twice, but I didn't dare to touch it.

"Hermione made me have a healing potion this time", I heard a smile while he spoke, but I didn't look it up to him.

"Have you heard of a connection like this before?", I held his hand tighter.

I wouldn't dare to call a soulmate mark or something like that yet, nonetheless, if it was one, what a fucking cruel soulmate mark to have.

"Hermione found some information about it, but we didn't think it was the case, because you never made me feel pain", he said, and his hands were loose around mine, but he didn't try to let go yet.

"I know what are you thinking, Harry. It's not your fault that's our soulmate mark and I don't blame you"

He said nothing.

I knew it wasn't enough for him to change his mind and he would keep blaming himself the rest of the night at best. But not on my watch.

I held him in my arms. My head against his chest and arms around his waist. He stood still for a while, his breathing uneven, until he was hugging me back.

It wasn't the ideal position, but it was perfect at the moment, and we stayed like that for a good while.

I thought the Room of Requirement was comforting, and it was because it reminded me of him, without me even realizing that. I felt like I arrived at a home I've never known. He fit right, like he was supposed to be in this position, with me, right now.

The door suddenly cracked open. The light revealing Mrs. Pomfrey. He moved away from me and I caught a glimpse of red on his cheeks.

"Potter, go to your Common Room", she said, and her firm voice echoed through the empty walls.

"Meet me later at the Gryffindor Common Room, please?", he whispered, his eyes were shining and I could never say no.

I nodded, and he left, fast enough to not get scolded even more.

"Mrs. Pomfrey, may I ask a question?", I asked as she came to evaluate me.

"What is it, child?"

"What do you know about felling pain as a soulmate mark? Someone must have been through it before."

"Someone did, a student. It was painful for her, a Quidditch player was her soulmate, poor girl was always here with him, side by side", she looked over at some beds to the right, as if she could envision them there.

I took a deep breath.

So I have the chosen one, the trouble magnet one and the Quidditch player as my soulmate, all at once.

"But that's a common misconception", she said, and that caught my attention again. "Can you turn your wrist?", she kept going with the little evaluation, and I only nodded. "She didn't feel only pain, but every single emotion her soulmate also felt after finding him."

"Every emotion? But I've never..."

"You are alright, go to your room and rest for the rest of the night", she cut me off, and I left as soon as possible.

I couldn't possibly feel everything, could I? So how do I now if it's my emotion or his?

I started to get anxious as I got closer and closer to the Gryffindor Common Room.

So that's me or him? Why would he be anxious to see me?

As soon as I got to the corridor, I felt a big rush of excitement, anxiety and... worry? But I wasn't worried, no. I just wanted to go up there and hug Harry until he barely could breathe.

So that's it? That's how it feels?

I remember how sometimes my emotions got out of hand these past few days. I was so worried, so confused, which I was, but maybe, we both were.

Does he know how much I care about him then?

As I was about to give the new passcode to the Fat Lady, the door opened and a second later, two arms held me in a big hug.

"I couldn't wait", he whispered, and I got goosebumps.

"Do you feel my love for you?", I whispered back, my face hidden on his shoulder.

He's silent for a moment, and I'm not sure if he even heard it.

"It's the best feeling in the world", his arms held me tighter, and I could feel some tears dropping on my clothes.

"Every single time in pain was worth it because now I get to hold you, don't blame yourself, never, understand? ", I said, and pecked his left cheek.

I didn't comment on my wet shirt, nor on his teary eyes after he released me. The only thing that mattered for me that night and for the rest of them, was to remind Harry Potter he was worthy.

[heretic-altias]

FFXIVWrite Day 7 - Noisome

My first thought upon seeing this prompt was 'omg I get to annoy my lizard!'. What annoys my lizard the most? Not working! Sometimes she has to be forced to rest and she is not happy about it. Briefly featuring @zdusk's Zelda, assuming I wrote her well bc I haven't written her in awhile lol.

Don’t know my characters? Here’s a basic breakdown to help you out!

~

“I need this. It’s getting inspected” Altais declared as she entered Zelda’s office and grabbed the rapier Solar’s leader used as her primary weapon.

“No. You don’t. You were working on our weapons all day yesterday” Zelda told her, looking up from the paperwork she’d been going over.

“And? I didn’t get to them all. You of all people know better than to go into battle with a dull blade” Altais argued.

“And if I know better, I can sharpen it myself. You’ve been working nonstop” 

Altais internally groaned knowing where this was going.

“Take the day off. And that’s an order, not a suggestion” Zelda finished.

“I have better things to do than-”

“Then do them tomorrow” Zelda interrupted in a tone that indicated there would be no argument.

Grumbling to herself, Altais put the rapier down and left the office. She hated doing nothing. She had plenty she could be doing to prepare for the next battle, but on occasion Zelda pulled this. Unfortunately, she respected Zelda too much to blatantly disregard her orders. Still, the thought always flashed in her mind on days like this.

She moved down the hallway, making her way to the main exit of Solar’s house. 

“Let me guess. You’ve been told to take a day off” Akku said as he passed by her.

“How did you guess?” she grumbled, knowing full well her annoyance was probably radiating across the entire hall for him.

“It’s the only thing that annoys you quite that much” Akku commented with a laugh.

“I’m going out” she told him, continuing on her way.

Unfortunately, he turned around and fell in stride next to her.

“Where are you going? I’m not doing anything right now if you want company”

“Somewhere where people won’t immediately look at me and know I have the day off” Altais answered.

Whenever this happened everyone knew from a look at her face, even without Akku’s ability to see her exact emotions. She preferred to go somewhere else. Preferably a couple hundred fulms in the air on the back of her griffin. That’s where she went most of the time. If Akku insisted on tagging along though, she’d have to think of something else.

“We can go to the park if you want. I can throw together a picnic before we go. Maybe invite some others if I make them promise not to mention your day off?” Akku suggested.

Altais sighed. Akku was so persistent in his kindness it amazed her. No matter how snappy and unapproachable she made herself, he still insisted on trying to do nice things.

“Fine. I’ll wait in the entryway. But if anyone makes a comment I’m going to cut out their tongue with my spare knife” Altais conceded.

“I think you have like three of them! Better pick which one!” Akku called back cheerfully as he ran ahead towards the kitchen.

“Five” Altais corrected quietly to herself.

Still, despite her grouchy face and annoyance at the waste of a day, she had to admit lunch with some friends didn’t sound so bad.

[nebulousneuroticism]

I did not sleep well last night. When my alarm finally rang, I woke immediately, filled with dread.

The appointment was... not great, all told. I was anxious, which tends to make me quiet and reserved; and when I am quiet and reserved, people tend to think I'm angry because of the way my face looks. So I think I came off a bit unapproachable. The cleaning was fine--I have no problem with having my teeth cleaned. Afterwards, I had to wait quite a while for the dentist to show up. She spent all of about two minutes examining me. She seemed rushed, like she wasn't in a great mood.

But as usual, she found something wrong. No cavities this time, but she said I have the beginnings of tooth decay in some grooves on some teeth, and she wants to do two shallow fillings/sealants. When she said that I froze up like a deer in headlights. Like, actually froze for long enough that she asked if I was okay.

I ended up not scheduling that work. I just left. I feel conflicted. I'm worried she's recommending work that doesn't need to be done, like she always has to find something or else she's not satisfied. I might get a second opinion from someone because I'm really sick of feeling so helpless. My mom has a dentist she trusts... maybe I'll ask for a consultation from him.

Anyway, I was exhausted after that. I didn't know how to feel. I drove home in a roundabout way, only half attending to my route.

I did a little work, and then treated myself to lunch at my favorite sandwich shop. After lunch, there was more work to do--every now and then, a request gets passed down all the way from some senior manager or even the ceo, and the whole management chain falls into a frenzy. That happened today, and I couldn't help but feel a sort of disgust mingled with hollow mirth watching all the yes-men fall into line.

In the evening, I took a walk and then spent my night unwinding as best I could. I played some more of The Talos Principle 2. I love it, but it does feel kind of goofy compared to the first game--in the first game, you are all alone, and it doesn't feel so strange to ponder abstract philosophical questions, but in this game you are part of a whole society of people who are all total philosophy nerds, and it's kind of funny in a maybe-unintentional way.

I'm still feeling emotionally unsteady tonight. I just need time to recover. But for now, no stress is looming in the near future. I can take my time and heal.

[embersofstardust]

.

rant below just ignore it tbh I just wanted to get it out but didn't wanna clog up the dash

idk I just woke up from a nap and like,,, it hit me out of nowhere like a fucking wave that I've. missed a lot in life. especially in the romance department. maybe it's bc prides around now, maybe it's bc a friend of mine just had a birthday, I'm not sure but I just don't know how to process and handle these feelings. ive never done anything romantically with anyone. I'm turning twenty seven soon and have never. never so much as held hands with someone interested in me or went on a date. how do you tell people that? how would you tell a future potential partner that? it's embarrassing to even mention. I try to joke about it when it comes up but god, sometimes it hits me HARD that there's a deeper than bone deep ache in my chest for wanting to know what that's like. am I so uninteresting? so unapproachable? I try to be more interesting and put myself out there more and nothing happens. I try my best to be kind a friendly to people as just a life motto and it does nothing. I know some people are just doomed to not ever experience it and I genuinely believe I'm one of those people. I try not to think about it too hard but it sits lower than my heart and is this empty gnawing hunger that I can't satiate when it rears it's head. I can't even talk to people about it either because they don't GET it. they don't understand. having one partner in highschool and nothing since is still SOMETHING. saying it's worth waiting your time and oh it happens when you least expect it is so invalidating and frustrating. I know I hit a lot of categories that make people uninterested in me, but nobody has even gotten that far to find out. there's been a total of three people ever interested in me ever, two were stalkers and one was a friend's boyfriend at the time who mentioned it in the past tense. I have my good days, I have days where I'm confident and love myself and I'm working on making those more and more frequent. but god, what does it take for someone to approach and ask on a date? to hold hands with someone you've been flirting with? i had a late start to life between being sheltered/emotionally abused to the point of seclusion, being in the country, being poor, and being neurodivergent, but I feel like at almost twenty seven SOMETHING should have happened by now, right? i don't know what I'm doing wrong other than I just have a doomed heart or soul. how do you say you still haven't had a first kiss? that you have NEVER been the person given a second glance? someone said my hair was pretty the other day and I realized that it's been two years since I've gotten a compliment on a physical feature of mine. it's always clothes or glasses, never on something that's actually myself. maybe it's the melancholy hitting me, my brain has decided it's been too long feeling good about myself but fuck is it hitting me hard today. there's no way to describe that curiosity towards it, the wondering what you're doing wrong, that just grows exponentially every passing year.

[maliscanis]

Gallagher - The Hound

Lupus Coccineus

“Evenin’. Someone’s been workin’ hard. Fancy a drink?”

Gallagher is a bartender in a small tavern, in an inconsequential village on the coast of Erinnyes Forest, across the water from Lumidouce Harbor.

He’s a permanent bachelor, scarred and unsmiling, lacking style and care for his appearance. On first glance he’s unapproachable, unfriendly, but spend a little time in the Bloodhound and you’ll find a dry sense of humour and caring under the vigilant guard dog persona.

While he never says much about who he is, he alludes to days past in the Marachaussee Phantom, the Spina di Rosula, and to stories about people long dead. Whenever directly questioned about his history he’ll simply laugh and pour you another drink.

When he's not found in the Bloodhound, sometimes Gallagher can be found helping out the locals, or roaming in the twilight under the canopy of the woods.

“Did you know that forest fires can keep burning, even through the longest winter?”

Some can recognize his face, whether it was because they met him when they were young or because they are outside of time themselves. Furina, Neuvilette, the melusine’s… and further, whether it’s Zhongli and the Adeptus, watching the world turn past, or Venti, singing his songs and always thirsty for a drink.

There are fewer still on Teyvat that can speak his true name. Pierro the Jester, Dainslief the Twilight Sword, or Albedo, the Rhinedottir’s Prince. Gallagher has only ever willingly sought one of them out, preferring to keep to himself, to maintain the illusion. To wait.

“Gallagher is my most truthful lie. Sometimes, i can't even distinguish between him and myself.”

Born Rubedo, five hundred years before the Traveler Awakened, Gallagher is the remnant of Rhinedottir’s alchemy.

A once an abandoned experiment involving Rift Hounds, Rubedo formed himself over several years, drawing together pieces of life until he could stitch them together. It was longer still before a personality began to form, nurtured in the chaos surrounding the Cataclysm.

Newborn, barely aware, he witnessed the fall of Khaenri'ah, the greed of the magicians and scholars, the cold indifference of his mother, and the cruelty of the Divine Principles. Inhuman himself, Rubedo survived the curse placed upon the Godless by Celestia. Eventually he was found by the perfect humanity in Albedo, Rhinedottir's second attempt at human life, and was taken with him to learn and find a new place in the world.

Years later, he passed hands from Albedo to Dainslief, and it was through the latter that a rage began to grow from a seed buried in the self hated as his origins as a rift hound, and watered with disgust against the actions of not only the godless nation of his birth, but his mother, the abyss which she coveted, and the seat of the divine. Eventually he broke off on his own, to travel and to plan.

“A lot of people don’t even care if the person they’re talking to is real.”

Wandering Teyvat served several purposes. First, it tempered him from a half feral child into a calmer, more approachable adult. The second was that it soothed the rage into something colder, an almost burnt out ember holding onto its heat.

It wasn’t until he’d returned to Mondstadt, intending to see Albedo for a 'family reunion,' that he’d come to his choice to one day topple the last of those that had so willingly allowed thousands to die.

He’d stood on Starsnatch Cliff, staring out at the unfathomable ocean, and vowed to kill the Abyss Order and its pawns, including his mother, Rhinedottir. It was then a Vision formed in his palm, glittering and burning with the power of pyro, without a nation to mark it.

Decided, he left to find somewhere to settle and watch the ebb and flow of humanity and find hints of where his quarry was. Fontaine felt central enough to suit him. He set himself up, and fashioned his new persona Gallagher, as he began the long wait for his opportunity.

“It’s not just about mixing beverages. It’s about mixing the experience of life.”

In the interim, working at the Bloodhound, Gallagher looks after the locals as best he can. He’s got a reputation as a man who solves problems and mixes drinks that are the stuff dreams are made of. He's even mixed drinks for the Hydro Archon herself.

Unrelated, the Erinnyes Forest seems to have had something of a wolf problem… the locals have taken to calling it Beast of Erinnyes.

Gallagher has a pyro vision, and is a healer/sub dps

He can turn into a massive black werewolf. When he becomes particularly furious, the scars on its body and eyes flare pink.

[theseinterludes]

a one and a two

i was never sure of anything. even if a thing was right in front of me, it always felt like i had to doubt its existence. thus, when i saw her waving at me, i thought i was having hallucinations. with my coffee-addled brain and the number of people here in this bus terminal, it was easy to mistake a person for someone but she was actually here, heading towards me, smiling at me so sweetly as if nothing had gone wrong between us. i never thought that dimpled smile would be directed at me ever again. i almost took out my phone to snap a picture.

“what, we haven’t seen each other in so long and you won’t even say hi?” she asked when she reached my side, eyes squinting a little when the afternoon sun hit her face. huh, she was even talking to me. her voice sounded a bit strange—had it always been that deep or had it just been that long?

breaking out of my reverie, i playfully rolled my eyes at her. “in my defense, we didn’t really end on good terms so if i was the one who saw you first i wouldn’t have done anything. maybe i’ll smile awkwardly if you saw me looking at you but that’s it.”

“that’s true but it’s been years since we last saw each other! i couldn’t help myself when I saw you here. girl, this isn’t even the line for the bus i’m going to take,” she said matter-of-factly.

i chuckled. “we’re talking as if it’s already been, like, a decade when it’s only been three years!”

“that’s still long! a lot has happened in those three years! look at you: you grew your hair, you’re a lot skinnier, and it seems like you’re not using your favorite zara perfume anymore. see, i just got here, and i can already note a lot of changes! though i find it funny that you still look so unapproachable with that ever-present frown on your face and those headphones. guess you didn’t change that much.”

if we were talking about changes then, yes, there were some. i have learned a lot about myself in those years, things i never would have had the idea about if we did not go down the way we did. for one, i have grown to be less flaky. if we were still hanging out she would have loved that since she used to scold me about always changing my mind. i also remembered she always said that i should be more courageous in going after the things i want so i made it a point to take that seriously after the fact. i remained a coward but at least now i was learning to confront a lot of the things that would have made me run back then. as it turned out, things can still go right even if i am not on stable ground! i wished i had known that then, maybe we would not be here today if i did.

“well, you’re still as frank as ever,” i countered as i took off my headphones. “you’re on your way home too?”

“yes, finally! college has been quite stressful, i’m so glad finals are done. now, i just need my ma’s cooking to recharge me. how about you? i heard you’re having the time of your life.”

i stared at her dumbfounded. why was she being so friendly? she was actually making an effort to continue the conversation. should i ask her? wait, this might turn awkward so i should definitely not say anything about that. then again, i was really curious. what if she merely wanted to pass the time while waiting for her bus and then forgot we ever had this conversation when it arrived? i furrowed my eyebrows. “this is going to smash this whole friendly mood here but, dude, why are you talking to me so casually? i thought you might still be mad or something.”

her smile dipped a little. “are you telling me i can’t catch up with an old friend?”

“that’s not what I mean,” i said.

“i know what you mean,” she replied.

unable to think of a response, i turned to look at the people passing by. i should have just gone along with her small talk. seriously, i should take a class on decision-making or something. i blew out a breath. i wished my bus would come already—what was taking it so long anyway? 

“i was never mad at you, dummy,” she broke the silence, voice now soft yet still confident. “i just got tired, that’s all. if anything, i should be the one wondering why you’re speaking to me now, i was half expecting that you would push me away again.”

a beat passed.

“i’m sorry,” i said, “for suddenly distancing myself.”

“yeah, you should be,” she stated. from the corner of my eyes, i could see her looking down at her shoes. her long hair was covering her face but i knew she was pouting. “i don’t even know why. it sucked—still does, actually.”

i sighed. can we not do this?

“i have no valid excuse for it, really. i was just so confused.” i shrugged. “i realized i have all these feelings and i don’t know what to do with them. running away seemed like the easiest thing.”

“if you were having a hard time that you had to do that you could’ve told me. i’m more than willing to help you. you knew that,” she said as she looked back at me. raising one eyebrow, she continued, “you didn’t have to cut me off—your reasoning is always so hard to understand. it’s like you’re constantly trying to make people dislike you.”

i could tell from her tone she was getting aggravated, though it seemed like i was not too far behind her. all of the frustrations i had for my actions then wanted to make themselves known.

“can you be for real? i can’t say to the person i like that i want to throw away all my feelings for her. that would be cruel especially since i know she likes me back.”

“why the hell would...what?”

“you need your ears cleaned.”

“i’m sorry, let me get this straight—”

“too late for that.”

“can you not?” she asked exasperatedly. “god, i forgot how sarcastic you get when you’re put in situations where you have to explain yourself.”

“how about you don’t analyze it too much? it was right there—i had to!”

the clenching of her jaw said it all. “alright, sorry, go on.”

“you knew i liked you? and you liked me back? how? why?”

i snorted. “well, you’re not really subtle! i wasn’t too but thank the universe you’re blind. the longing stares? lingering touches? heavy silences? girl, please, we would’ve given wong kar-wai and all the lesbian period drama filmmakers a run for their money.”

“and you wanted to forget about it because...?”

“i’m simply not ready, okay? you’ve always been so sure of yourself—that’s what I admired the most about you—but I can’t say the same for myself. the moment the realization hit, i got so scared. i had no idea what to do so i just said to hell with it, did whatever, and hoped for the best.”

“wow. you’re such a mess,” she said, disbelief written across her face. “and i thought you just decided that you suddenly hated me. damn, if only you told me that. i didn’t know that’s how you felt—you didn’t tell me anything! you’re right, i might not be able to fully understand but if only you let me, i would’ve tried so hard,” she reasoned.

i nodded. “i know you would. that was just something i needed to figure out by myself. i’m also aware of how selfish that was, but at the time that was the clearest path for me to take. i thought i would be fine with that...it didn't take me long to know i wasn’t.”

she smiled once again, this time, however, it did not reach her eyes. “back then, we joked about this all the time, but you really only ever think about yourself, no? and it’s not even the kind of selfishness where you only get the good part. do you honestly enjoy making yourself suffer?”

she had a point. i laughed humorlessly. “maybe. i do have a brutal way of confirming things.”

“it was a rhetorical question.”

“right.”

i opened my mouth again to add something but no words came out. the silence that followed was perhaps the most unbearable one i ever encountered. i could feel the heat rushing through my face though i would like to pretend that it was only because of the weather and not of the uneasiness. i tried to look anywhere but her to hide it.

“it’s a little too hot today, don’t you think? I’m melting here,” she said while fanning herself with her hands. it was like she read my mind and was now coming to the rescue. how typical. i offered her my bottled water but she declined.

“you know, now that I think about it, it’s kinda weird we had this conversation here. this isn’t how i envisioned this moment,” i told her.

“oh, yeah? tell me, then, how you envisioned it.”

“i was thinking it would be at night, possibly while we’re out with our other friends, and when we’re a few drinks in they would put us on the spot or something, i don’t know. just something not like this, a random afternoon...in a loud place where people only go to go to other places. the atmosphere is simply not right, it feels too...temporary? it’s as if it’s not real, get it? plus, I’m pretty sure that manong there is listening to us.”

she glanced at the man pretending to read his newspaper before replying. “maybe it’s the universe reminding us of all the possibilities that could happen between us. we do tend to get complacent. or maybe they’re all just homophobic.”

we shared a giggle at that but before i could add another joke she noticed something. “hold on, i think that’s my bus. the people i was lining up with earlier are boarding already.”

“oh,” i uttered, disappointment evident in my tone. “well, this was a nice talk. i’m, uh, glad you came over here.”

“yeah, it really was! things are...much easier to understand now.”

“do you, like, maybe want to do it over coffee next time?”

“sure, that would be great. i’ll hit you up?”

“yes, please! so...” how would you even end this kind of conversation? would you just say bye? add a wave maybe?

“so…bye for now, i guess. how about a goodbye hug?” she asked, opening up her arms.

“um, yeah, sure,” i said, stepping close.

it was a brief one but its tightness implied the promise of making up for the lost time. we parted and waved a final goodbye before she walked to her bus, a slight bounce on her step. with her back now facing me, it seemed like I had been granted a broader perspective. talking really cleared things out, huh? i would be lying if i said everything will go smoothly from here, though. we have only uncovered our past issues, who knew what might happen next? for now, i was just overjoyed at this chance encounter.

“see you!” i shouted at her retreating figure and she stopped for a second to smile at me. i kept my eyes on her until she entered the bus before turning away. after a few minutes, a notification popped up on my phone. she sent me a picture. when i opened it, it was a meme. i smirked. there was no question about it—i will do better this time.

[if-walls-could-talk]

borderline: my take

i want to understand what makes me unapproachable, what makes people see me and turn away. how is it that i intimidate others and think i've truly not done anything to fear others? why do i know how reactive i am yet when others say they're afraid i laugh and tell them it's not really me?

there is something so parasitic about being me, about my fight or flight response always being fight first, flight later. where is the off switch? why does my body shake in anticipation and why do i laugh at the idea of proving someone wrong, of having the upper hand? am i truly the monster i fear being? maybe i am just used to being tossed around. then again, does anybody truly deserve to feel my pain the way i feel it?

i sometimes feel that maybe if i told people i loved them, maybe if i forced myself to be more engaged, more present in my friends and family's lives, that i would be fixed. yet every time i try to force out "i love you" i find myself choking. gasping for air and thinking "this isn't right, it's not true". sometimes i wish people wouldn't tell me they loved me so that i wouldn't feel obligated to say it back. so that they wouldn't feel pained by my lack of reciprocation.

i watch others interact around me and i wonder how they do that. no amount of mirrors could ever make me like them, make me feel the way they do, make the laughter come more easily, make the smoke clear my brain, fix the wiring. the world doesn't move with me or around me, it moves without me. i am the outlier, the pluto of social living. people move through me and all i can do is watch.

i am tired of hearing "you can't control it." i'm not convinced. maybe if i think hard enough i'll be able to rewire the entangled mess in my brain. maybe if i think hard enough, i'll uncover that maybe i really am just a bad person. maybe i don't really want to change, maybe i can control it and i've lived a lie. i wish i could pry open my head and rearrange everything, make things go away. remove what i don't need.

i am tired of being something people deem bad, a danger, triggering, abusive, whatever they may think. i'm not bad. i'm not. i don't want to hurt you and i'm sorry if i made it seem that way. i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry. all i wanted was to keep you, to store you away in a crystal box with an opalescent shimmer, protect you from anybody who tried to hurt you. maybe in truth all i wanted was for you to stay, though you had no obligation. maybe in truth all i wanted was for you to say see you later and not goodbye, wanted you to turn around and wash away the tears, hold me and wait for the storm to pass. but that isn't your job. you shouldn't need to fix me, to be the one to patch the holes in my heart and head. i am not an obligation, not to you, someone who was once a stranger and turned a friend, a partner. someone who is now again a stranger, instead it feels like i traveled back in time when you didn't know me still. where i kept my memory of the future and i'm watching you live a life without me. i didn't mean to cause a huge dent, to be a problem. i didn't mean to let you witness the worst. maybe it was better that you saw it before anyway. i gave up on loving because all it's done for me is leave me empty, a carcass of nothing but tears and screaming. i've become a heartless being, someone who sucks the life out of others under the guise of loving them, under the impression that i am protecting them, helping them. i gave up on loving because i don't deserve to be loved the way i want to be. i turn red at the nicknames and the gentleness makes me feel so light. yet i am reminded that you deserve better. i am reminded that i am not a happy ending and never will be, not for you. i don't do enough to deserve you, i don't show enough compassion, enough tenderness. i am vulnerable but at what cost? i fear that i have nothing substantial to give you, that i won't be as emotionally present as you need me to be. i fear that my apathy will hurt you, that even my attempts to love you the way i want to will become dust. i keep my distance because you deserve an unbreakable love, one free of apathy and pet peeves and anger, one free of my tears and full of someone else's laughter.

most importantly i want to be free. i find comfort in dreams of me dying, comfort in dreams of the world ending. there is peace in knowing that it all comes to an end. there is peace in knowing i have served my time. there is peace in knowing that i no longer will suffer. there is a satisfaction in knowing i will never feel this way again, that i will never need to hold back another scream. once you become part of the void of death and nothingness, nobody will hear you. nobody will ask what's wrong. nobody will bother you. you can scream and cry and there is nothing you have to do that can put it on hold. but what happens if i can't scream or cry? what happens when no noise releases?

then again, will i ever truly be free of anything?

[kaorusakurayashikiswife]

new beginnings

pairing: Kaoru Sakurayashiki x f!reader

wc: 2k

warnings: angst (not really idk); fluff; exes to lovers; not proofread

notes: first post!! I saw that there weren’t really a lot of writings for Kaoru and decided to take it upon myself to write some!! I hope you enjoy, and please do tell me if there’s a mistake anywhere or if I there’s a warning I should add

“Are you ever going to skate again?”

Kojiro grins at you, handing you your food. You were on your break from work and decided to visit your old friend from high school.

“Kojiro you know why I can’t”

“It’s been a year I’m sure everyone wants to see you skating again!” You can’t blame him for his enthusiasm, it had almost been a year after you decided to quit skating due to breaking up with Kaoru. Before you quit you were known in ‘S’ as one of the top contenders, good enough to go against Adam, you had never gone on a beef against him since you had no interest to compete against someone like him.

“C’mon (Y/N)! You know everyone wants to see the infamous RIN again! After your sudden disappearance last year your fans have been missing you, there's even a new guy you can compete against!” You leaned in to cover his mouth, you didn’t want anyone knowing the name you were under while skating in S.

“Fine! I’ll visit but I’m not competing, I just want to see the poor soul that caught Adam’s eye.”

Kojiro smiled, knowing you, you’d probably compete either way, he knew that you’d been missing skating in S after he found you practicing. Your break up with Kaoru had changed their dynamic as you wanted nothing to do with him while he regretted letting you go.

The break up was because Kaoru kept insisting to go against Adam, you knew it was a bad idea, you had tried convincing him many times that the Adam he once knew was gone. Kaoru didn't like it as Adam was very dear to him, he had snapped at you and told you that you didn’t know him and that he’d rather break up with you than listening to your nonsense. You pitied the man, you’d heard what Adam had done to him a few days prior and wanted nothing more than to slap the man for hurting Kaoru.

“You won’t regret it! I’ll see you then RIN”

You hit him again, wanting to keep your professional life and personal life separate, “Say that name again out loud and I’m not going”.

Kojiro watched as you left the restaurant, sakura keychain still in dangling out of your bag like it had been so many years ago.

“You guys really are similar in that aspect”

Once you get home you sigh, your job has been taking a toll on you and you really needed a break. You look into your closet and see your skateboard, the only reason why you quit skating is because it reminded you of him, he was the one to teach you how to skate after all. The same man who decided to leave you to chase after the memory of the friend he once knew.

Making up your mind you change into your outfit and head down the same familiar path leading to the mine.

“Yo (Y/N)! Long time no see”

“You asshole! you call me by my name here and call me by my S name in public! Do you have a death wish?” You get closer to Kojiro to give him a piece of your mind, until you see four guys next to him: two boys who look like they’re in high school, an intimidating guy with clown-looking make-up, and a little boy who you think you’ve seen on TV.

“IS THAT RIN?!?” the redhead boy yelled, it caused everyone to turn to you, you were now the center of attention, mutters about the sudden appearance of one of the most known skaters in S.

“Who’s she?”

Compared to the redhead, the blue haired guy seemed like he was new, you assumed he was the rookie that Kojiro had mentioned earlier in the day.

“She’s a really well-known skater in S! she’s beaten a lot of people here, it’s said that she’s on par with Adam, but they’ve never gone against each other!”

“damn right and never will, I like not having broken bones thank you” you muttered, as everyone calmed down, they introduced themselves and seemed intrigued to see an old face.

“I came to see the new rookie everyone’s been talking about, I’m only here to watch though” everyone’s faces dropped, they seemed disappointed to not be able to see you skate.

“Then why’d you bring your skateboard hm?” Kojiro smirks at you, knowing that you’d come here to skate a little, even if it was just for fun.

“Fine, how about this? SNOW” you pointed at Langa and motioned him to follow you, “you’re coming with me, I wanna see why everyone is talking about you” you take Langa along and decide to skate against him in the course.

“Sorry I’m late, I forgot to charge Carla earlier today so she finished charging a little later than usual” Kaoru stood next to Kojiro to see why everyone seemed more excited. “Right on time Cherry! Look who’s skating today”.

Kaoru looked at the screen, it was you, he hadn’t seen you in a year and you never bothered to answer the messages he had sent you, not that he blamed you for that. You looked just as beautiful as he remembered, if not more, the way your hair flowed freely made you look ethereal, and your face seemed to glow while you were skating, an expression he had missed seeing from you.

He wanted to apologize, after the incident with Adam that landed him in the hospital he realized that his friend was gone, no semblance of him left. While in his hospital bed he remembered the words you had told him before he broke up with you. He knew he had no right to apologize now, but seeing you at S made him realize he missed you and wanted you back, if you’d have him of course.

Langa was surprised, your style of skating was different from anything he’d seen before, it looked complicated but you didn’t seem to be struggling at all. Due to him being distracted he hadn’t realized that you’d already crossed the finish line before him.

“That was good! You knew how to snowboard before learning how to skate right?” You asked excitedly, it had been a while since you’ve had this much freedom while skating. “Yes, how’d you know?”

“I’ve always wanted to learn how to snowboard! Your stance seemed similar to those in videos I’ve seen online!”

As you walk back to the rest of the group you see him. Kaoru’s hair got a bit longer but apart from that nothing seemed too different, he still had that unapproachable aura around him. He seemed to be staring at you but you refused to look at him in the eye, you still missed him after all.

“Long time no see (Y/N)” He tried reaching out to you but you didn’t move at all, “Don’t call me that here.”

“Right, sorry Rin”

It seemed that everyone around you was aware of the tense atmosphere, although nobody really knew of what relationship you and Cherry held.

As everyone headed home, you decided to stay back and skate a little, you didn’t know when the next time you were going to be able to skate again after all. That’s when you notice it, just a little behind you were Joe and Cherry trying to catch up to you. “Rin! I thought you weren’t skating anymore?” You didn’t need to turn to see that there was a smile on his face.

“Don’t you have any fangirls to be with?” You retort, speeding a bit to gain distance from them.

“They all went home, why? You jealous?”

“As if.”

“Cherry over here wants to talk to you.”

In all honesty, you’d forgot he was even there at all, if it weren’t for Carla telling him the angles once in a while, you wouldn’t even have noticed him. You were pondering whether you should listen to what he had to say, “He’s been all gloomy ever since he saw you”. You heard someone fall, assuming it was Kojiro you kept going, he deserved it anyway.

You and Kaoru skated in silence for a bit, the only sounds heard were the wheels of both of your skateboards. As you were the first to pass the finish line you stop, getting off of your skateboard and getting ready to go back home.

“So what’d you want to talk about?”

Kojiro looks surprised, he thought you hadn’t noticed him staring at you. Frankly, he wanted to apologize and ask for a second chance, he knew he was undeserving of it though, you only wanted the best for him, but he pushed you away.

“I wanted to apologize for before, I know you meant well, but I only pushed you away when you tried helping me. I should’ve listened to what you said.”

Although it was a bit short and awkward, you knew he meant it. To be honest, you don’t blame him, he only wanted to know what had happened to his friend after he disappeared and came back with a whole different personality. You would’ve done the same if a friend whom you considered family did the same. You knew that even though he had finally come to terms with the fact that the Adam he knew in high school was gone, he was still hurting. You understood all of this, yet it was still hard to forget how angry he’d gotten at you, how he went on and on about how you didn’t know Adam at all (even though you’d been there when all four of you skated together in high school), and how he couldn’t be with someone who talked ill about his best friend. You remember how he broke up with you through a phone call after being late for a date, how you had to show up in your friend’s front door with all of your stuff, in fear of going to Kojiro’s restaurant because he was probably there.

“You didn’t need to wait a year to apologize to me” He flinched, knowing full-well what you were speaking of. He knew he had messed up the moment he ended the call, but his pride didn’t let him go back to your shared apartment to apologize to you, and he assumed that you were probably packing your bags as he headed to Kojiro’s place to drink.

“I didn’t know what to do after I went back to the apartment with your stuff gone”

“Well, I can’t just stay in my ex-boyfriend’s apartment after he just broke up with me can I?”

There was a silent pause, you were basically ready to head back home, but decided to wait to see if he had more to say. “Alright, if you’re done I’ll be heading home now.”

He quickly grabbed your wrist, stopping you from leaving, “it’s late, let me take you home”.

You declined, Kojiro had already promised you to take you back home. At the mention of his name he looked confused.

“Kojiro left a long time ago though?”

You were surprised, looking around for the tall muscle-headed idiot, but Kaoru was right, he left you behind. You were really going to kill him this time, it was probably part of his plan so you could talk things out with Kaoru.

“If it’s not too much trouble, I’d be grateful if you did then” you offered him a small smile, you had to be nice to the person driving you back to your apartment.

The ride home was silent, all he could hear were Carla’s directions to your apartment. As you got home and thanked him for the ride he stopped you again.

“Can I have another chance?” You stayed silent, he took your silence as a rejection and started his engine to leave, but this time, you were the one to stop him.

“You still owe me a meal at Kojiro’s” He blinked, confused as to what you were saying. Then he remembered, he had made you a promise that every time you beat him in S he’d buy you your favorite dish at Kojiro’s restaurant.

He smiled, frown no longer on his face after the promise of a new beginning, “Of course, tell me when you’re free to get it”.

[ratmonky]

Blind Date

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: alcohol, breeding, oral sex

AO3 Link

whoops didn’t post it here

Sometimes Nanami wished he knew what his life would be like if he were a normal person.

He would be married, he guessed. Living in a large apartment with his wife and two kids while he worked without rest. He would die in his home, in his bed, surrounded by his family with guilt because he would wish he had done something more exciting in his life before it ended.

That was why he was here, that was the speech Gojo had given him to convince him to meet up with a potential lover.

“Are you ready for your order, sir?”

Nanami raised his hand as a ‘no’ and slightly smiled, “Not yet, I’m waiting for someone.”

He took a sip from his wine, looking out from the window of the restaurant. He checked his watch and sighed, he couldn’t believe the person he was supposed to meet was late. Two hours late.

Wasn’t he too old for blind dates anyway?

Maybe he should leave now and make up an excuse before Gojo’s friend arrived.

Or just leave without saying anything, he didn’t owe anything to Gojo in the end.

Yet… Nanami stayed, hours passed and the waiter kept asking him if he was ready for his order but he stayed.

Only when it was a couple of hours later, he realized that Gojo’s friend wasn’t coming. He got stood up.

An enormous wave of anger washed over him and he felt embarrassed. He had been waiting here, all excited like a high school girl for nothing. He was angry at himself for believing he would be able to trust Gojo or his friend.

He paid for his tab and left the restaurant, he felt even more ashamed of himself when the waiter who had been serving him whispered something in a waitress’s ear and she discreetly giggled just as he walked out of the door.

Unable to go back to his cramped apartment with no one waiting for him, he found himself in a bar.

He sat by the counter and ordered a whiskey, taking quick and big swigs from it until the bartender refilled his glass.

Whether it be the chatter or the faint jazz music playing in the low-quality speakers of the bar, it helped ease his anger. With each swig of his whiskey, he started to forget about his day.

He forgot about Gojo’s mocking tone as he spoke to him into going on a blind date, Itadori’s curious questions about his love life, and finally, Gojo’s friend who he hadn’t even met.

“Excuse me.”

You were already staring back at him when he turned around.

“Is this seat taken?”

Nanami didn’t know what to say, he was unable to move his mouth so he instead gestured to you to sit. He turned back around and realized his glass was empty. After a quick wave at the bartender, his glass was full once again.

“Can I get a cocktail-” You stopped yourself and sighed. The bartender was already on the other side of the counter and chatting with other customers.

Nanami took a quick glance in your direction, he hadn’t realized it before but you were alone. He had thought you were going to sit next to your date or friend when you had asked for the seat next to him. As he looked around his surroundings he saw that the counter was mostly empty with many unoccupied seats, yet you were sitting next to Nanami.

You were struggling to get drinks for yourself, you were clutching on your purse and shifting on your seat anxiously whenever the bartender moved yet didn’t notice your presence.

The next time the bartender moved, you had already given up on whatever cocktail you were going to order.

He sighed, even when his mind was slurred with alcohol he was unable to be selfish for one moment.

Nanami lifted his hand and waved to the bartender, within that second, the man was standing in front of the two of you. He reached to grab the whiskey bottle to refill Nanami’s glass but Nanami put his hand over his glass and turned to you.

“What were you going to order?”

His question made you surprised but almost immediately your mood had lightened, you smiled before talking. “Something sweet and cold.”

The bartender nodded and went away to grab some fruity liquors and ice while you were thanking Nanami for his help.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it,” You turned your body towards him and placed a hand on your chest with your cheeks tinted bright pink. “I’m kinda embarrassed now, was it that noticeable that I can’t order something by myself?”

“I wouldn’t say so.”

“I’m (name) by the way, what’s your name?” you asked when the bartender placed your cocktail on the counter.

Although on any normal day, he would have ignored a talkative woman like yourself, drinking made him a little social.

“Nanami. Nanami Kento.”

“Tell me, Nanami Kento, what do you work with?” Crossing your legs, you relaxed your posture.

Nanami couldn’t help but curl his lips as he turned on his seat to face you. “I’m a businessman.”

“Ahh,” you pouted, “Isn’t it boring?”

“It is,” he said, the lie itself was harmless, he knew he wouldn’t meet you again tomorrow or anytime in the future. “What about you?”

“That’s a secret!” You winked with a smile.

“So, unemployed?”

“Hey! Don’t just assume on your own!” With a laugh, you playfully pushed him. “That’s mean, you know.”

Nanami chuckled, he took a swig of his whiskey.

Following his lead, you took a sip from your drink. Your brows raised and your smile grew at the taste. “This is delicious,” you remarked, holding out your drink towards Nanami. “Try it.”

For a moment, he looked confused but from the way your eyes were sparkling, he couldn’t refuse. He hesitantly took a sip of your drink through the straw.

“Isn’t it yummy?”

Out of courtesy, he nodded.

Although he didn’t have a sweet tooth nor liked others invading his personal space, seeing you giggle and tell him all about yourself or whenever you brushed your hand against his forearm while talking made him feel at peace somehow.

As you two continued talking to each other,  he became more talkative, by the end it felt like you were staring at a completely different person. His unapproachable aura was gone, replaced by something else entirely.

By the time Nanami remembered to take another swig from his whiskey, the ice in his glass had completely melted and the drink probably tasted awful. He refused to drink the ruined drink and yet… he didn’t feel like ordering another glass either.

You had just finished your second drink and looked like you were getting ready to head out.

Decidedly he called the bartender over and paid for his and your drinks.

“You didn’t have to,” you cooed, placing your credit card back in your purse. “How can I thank you?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t bother,” he replied. In his mind, it was a way of him thanking you for cheering him up. He got up from his stool and fixed his blazer, buttoning up the buttons he had undone while talking to you.

“Okay, thank you.” You paused as you were about to leave. “But if you want, we can go to my place and I can pay you back there?”

Your suggestion made Nanami raise his eyebrows. Even though the two of you were set to split and head your separate ways, he followed after you and left the bar. You didn’t say anything if you noticed how he basically ran after you.

Nanami hadn’t realized it until now but the attraction he felt towards you was mutual, he couldn’t tell it back in the bar because his mind was slurred with alcohol and he had thought you were just being over-friendly but he was certain about it now.

You were a beautiful young woman and seemed like you were interested in him as much as he was interested in you.

You two kept walking, side to side, without speaking. When he mustered up enough courage to talk, you spoke instead. “I only have beer in my fridge, I hope that’s fine.”

He hummed in response and he noticed you two were heading towards a small building. He followed after you into the building, up the stairs, and into your apartment.

The place was small but it had enough space, that was his first impression.

Nanami shrugged off his blazer and grabbed a coat hanger before hanging it on the coat rack properly to prevent it from creasing. His eyes were scouting the small living space before they landed on your gorgeous figure.

The way you moved gracefully and confidently without trying too hard made his thoughts go south.

You kicked off your shoes and reached to grab a coat hanger to hang your own coat but Nanami grabbed it from your hands and threw it on the shoe rack. You opened your mouth to say something but his lips stopped you.

You had your arms around his neck in seconds out of pure habit. His head-spinning smell invaded your nostrils and you felt him placing hands on your hips.

Then you finally managed to understand the way his eyes had been looking at you in the bar. He had been seizing you up from the moment you had walked up to him.

When he had kissed you, it had been a moment of him losing his composure but you could feel his desperation. His tongue moved inside your mouth to desperately savor your taste, hoping for you to remember his taste mixed with yours.

Nanami tasted of cigarettes and whiskey, which, although you didn’t mind, made you aware of your own taste. Faint traces of the fruity liquor and white wine you had drunk earlier.

His moving hands brought you back to the moment. You felt his palm press against the soft flesh of your ass and his fingers groped your ass as he roughly felt the shape.

A wave of arousal hit you and you pressed your thighs together, pulling yourself away from the kiss. “I…- Let’s go-”

Your feet were no longer touching the floor, instinctively you held onto Nanami while he walked further inside the hallway, carrying your weight like it was nothing.

You wanted to tell him which room was yours but he had already found your room. He kicked the door shut behind himself before walking up to your bed and throwing you down onto the soft mattress. You laid still, watching Nanami undo his tie and unbutton his shirt. His eyes, those smothering eyes were on you, admiring your beauty.

When he finally unbuttoned his shirt, he shrugged it off from his shoulders and gently folded it, putting it on top of your dresser.

Your breath hitched when he looked at you with a smile before unbuckling his belt. The metal sound filled your ears and echoed in your room. He took off his pants and gestured to you to come closer.

Like hypnotized, you sat up on the bed, waiting.

He moved towards you, standing right in front of you until there wasn’t any space left between the two of you. He placed a hand on your chin, gently lifting it up.

Your eyes were on his, he stared down at you, smirking mischievously. You weren’t sure what was going through his head but you didn’t want him to be the only one who was undressed. In a swift motion, you unzipped your dress and let it fall from your shoulders to your waist.

Nanami offered you a hand and when you took it as you stood up, your dress hit the floor. Stepping out of your dress, you were about to sit back on the bed but Nanami pressed a hand on your shoulder, pushing you down.

You got on your knees, eyes aligned with curiosity.

Nanami placed your hand he was holding on his growing bulge.

Your cheeks flushed bright red but you did as he wanted. You hooked a finger around the waistband of his boxers and pulled it down slowly. The waistband snagged his growing erection, it bounced as you pulled it down. You gulped audibly, he was bigger than you had expected.

Hesitantly, you looked up to him, he was watching you intently.

Not wanting to disappoint him, you opened your mouth and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock. You sucked gently on the pink tip until he placed a hand behind your head, pulling you towards himself all the while the girth of his cock forced you to open your mouth wider to be able to take him in.

Nanami let out an audible breath and petted your head to encourage you.

His cock was only halfway inside your mouth but you felt like you would unhinge your jaw if you even tried to take a millimeter more.

Proving you wrong, Nanami surged his hips forward, making you take more than half of his cock in your mouth.

Your drool overflowed from your mouth and spilled down to your chin as he continued to move. You looked up, hoping that if he saw how uncomfortable you were, Nanami would pull out but he was already watching you with amusement.

He had this menacing look on his face, his eyes were half-lidded, mouth agape.

Your body shivered in anticipation of what he could do to you, pressing your thighs together, you tried not to gag when he grazed your throat with his cock.

Nanami was impressed with your dedication to let him do as he pleased. He liked the obedience.

Although he would have liked to see if he could make your nose touch the hairs on his crotch but you were already at your limit. He sighed, he was already a little tired from everything he had done today. He was also very drunk, he was aware of the situation but at the same time, he wasn’t because you were like a dream come true.

He took pity on you and pulled out from your mouth.

“Isn’t it yummy?”

It took you a moment to realize he was mocking you and you laughed as you were coughing,

The two of you moved back to the bed, he climbed on top of you. His stare on you was like a predator getting ready to eat its prey.

“You look even prettier under me,” he said, smiling at you as he wiped your drool away from your mouth.

“I’d look better on top,” you went on to say. Your eyes lingered on his broad shoulders and sharp features.

“Witty, aren’t we?” His smile grew wider, his voice deeper than normal.

You parted your lips to answer but he took the opportunity to push his forefinger inside your mouth, he didn't avert his gaze from you, instead he chuckled softly.

Nanami pressed his finger into your tongue, looking at you expectantly.

You wrapped your tongue around his finger, sucking it inside your mouth. He pushed his finger further back after adding another finger into your mouth, nudging into your throat to test your limits.

“Good girl,” he said when you swallowed around him to take his fingers further down your throat. There was room for improvement in the future. Finally satisfied with your mouth, he exhaled a warm breath to your face and pulled his fingers out.

A voice closer to a silent moan came out from you.

“You’re quite sensitive.” His hand landed on your inner thigh, caressing the soft flesh before kneading it gently. You trembled when he ran his fingers up your thigh and his other hand cupped your chin, making you look at him in the eyes, his smoldering eyes wandered over your cute features before stopping on your lips. “Or… could this be your first time?”

You softly gasped, your cheeks flushed bright pink which gave him his answer.

Dumbfounded, he smiled wickedly, his hand went further up your thigh, and out of shock you closed your thighs but fingers were already brushing against your folds.

“Do you want me to stop?” he took a staggered breath.

“No,” you stammered. You couldn’t deny how aroused you were. Not when your juices had already soaked your panties. “Just… please be gentle.”

“I don’t think I can.” Nanami’s words left you petrified. “I can’t hold back, (name).”

His hand between your legs slid up until he could run his finger between your folds. He smiled because of how wet you were. His erection between your bodies poked your stomach. You moaned at the realization, your hands weakly pulling at his chest.

Nanami smirked at your reaction. Then he pulled at the tender skin of your folds just enough to expose your soaking wet entrance to his hungry eyes.

Nanami leaned forward and his hands went to fiddle with your bra. Once he managed to unclasp it, his hands slid up your body, taking your bra with them. You helped him and shrugged your bra off your shoulders.

As you were about to fall back down on the mattress, Nanami abruptly lifted you up and slammed you down onto his cock for the first time. You cried as the head of his cock tore through your hymen and his cock stretched your virgin walls. He froze inside of you from the way your walls were squeezing around his cock.

You let out a whimper, your lips parted, and moaned his name in need.

He had already pushed himself balls deep into you, filling you up to the brim so perfectly but it wasn’t enough.

An animalistic instinct took over him and Nanami tentatively pulled out before slamming you back on his cock. His pace was merciless. It was incredibly rough, each thrust deep and penetrating. He gritted his teeth as your virgin walls sucked more of his cock, and he roughly thrust inside. He grabbed you by your sides, his nails digging into your skin as he mercilessly began pounding in your pussy.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and your fingers twirled around his straight hair, moaning quietly into his neck each time he hit a sensitive spot. Nanami’s thrusts became stronger and more animalistic each time you screamed or whimpered.

Your eyes rolled back to the back of your head, completely lost in the sweet ecstasy of his cock stretching your virgin pussy out.

Nanami slammed into you with an amazing force, tearing a silent scream out of you as the tip of his cock pressed against your cervix.

Nanami knew that everything in his life had led him up to this moment, he had to make you his, he wanted to make sure that you only belonged to him.

He let out a low hiss as your walls tightened around his cock and pushed inside of you for the last time and his hot seed spurted out from his cock and spilled inside your womb.

Completely drained and covered in sweat, Nanami threw himself on the bed next to you.

As the two of you were struggling to catch your breath, he came back to his senses but he was far too tired and drunk right now. He instead wanted to enjoy the afterglow.

He forgot all about his problems and shitty day as you crawled closer to him and wrapped a hand around him.

Nanami closed his eyes and smiled, feeling at peace.

~~~

It was a week after Nanami ran into Gojo.

“Ah, hey, Nanami?”

The blonde man ignored his friend and took a whiff of his cigarette yet his friend walked up to him nonetheless.

“You know, my friend said she waited for you for hours yet you didn’t show up at the restaurant last week, that’s mean of you. You should’ve told me you weren’t up to meeting her.”

Nanami paused, “It was the other way around.”

How dare she lie about it after she made him wait there for hours and embarrass himself?

Gojo scratched his cheek, “She said she was waiting for you but at some point, she realized you weren’t coming and left.”

“What are you talking about, I was in the restaurant waiting for her.” Nanami rolled his eyes, irritated at his tone.

“Eh?” Gojo was even more confused now, “If you’re not going to admit chickening out at the last minute that’s fine but you missed your chance.”

“I’m not interested in your friends either, trusting you was a mistake.” Nanami flicked the ash from his cigarette and stared at Gojo. “I am not looking for anything right now either.”

Gojo hummed, “I was just trying to help you, I thought you and (name) would get along well.”

(name)?

Nanami glowered at Gojo. “What did your friend look like?”

“Uhh, she’s got healthy skin, sparkling eyes, and soft hair. She’s flirty and shy, I’d say she’s about this tall.” He tried to measure (name)’s height in his mind and point it out to Nanami but his friend stopped him before he could.

“Did you tell her who I was, my name, or what I look like before sending her out to a blind date?” Nanami asked abruptly.

“I don’t think so…” Gojo realized. “Isn’t that why it’s called a blind date though?”

Nanami dragged a hand down his face and chuckled to himself in disbelief. How stupid could this manchild be?

“It doesn’t matter anyway, she said she was seeing someone else right now.” Gojo laughed, “How does it feel to lose to a lame businessman she met at the bar, the same night she was supposed to meet you?”

“Happy,” he replied with a smile.

Gojo stared at Nanami and shook his head in disbelief, “Sometimes, I feel like you’re way too stoic.” He left after he noticed Nanami was in his own world, it would be impossible to tease him anymore today.

In Gojo’s absence, Nanami fished his phone out of his pocket to check his screen. The messages he read were all from you, telling him that you were going to cook for him tonight and how he had forgotten his shirt at your place.

He beamed brightly, taking a one last whiff of his cigarette and then crushing it with his foot. For the first time, he had someone waiting for him at home. He wanted to hurry home without working overtime just so he could be with you.

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Four

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,3k

Prologue  Chapter One  Chapter Two   Chapter Three

A few weeks passed and we soon had reached the second half of November. By now, it was snowing heavily on the Hogwarts grounds, footsteps barely printing the ground before it was filled with a new batch of the white powder.

The classrooms were thankfully warmed and for once I didn't wish the lessons to end to avoid going outside. Letters to and from the outside world had stopped unless it was a big emergency to let the poor owls rest. Lucky for me, I had sent the last letter for the year to my parents consisting of the message that I would not do an internship at the Hospital Wing in the near future (or at all, but pssh). Lucky because my parents wouldn't send our family owl back no matter how angry they would get. Thus, I wouldn't have to think about their wrath until Christmas break.

Madam Pomfrey - whom I started calling Poppy in my head after hearing Dumbledore call her that once - still got half of the small packages of sweets once a week without a word. The other half went into James' stomach, who insisted he could still maintain his abs with playing Quidditch.

Practice was a pain in the ass and the next game against Slytherin was not something anyone of us were looking forward to. Especially the Captain was annoying during the time before this game, insisting to have more sessions than normally scheduled.

It was usual for people to watch practice – mainly the respective partners or friends – but only the supportive – and therefor maniac – ones would stay outside in a blizzard-like weather like this. I tried sneaking off from time to time but James was always already there to intercept me in my escape route.

Imagine my surprise when I saw not only Marlene next to Alice but also Lily, huddled closely together on the stands between the other stranded ones.

"Alright Beaters up now, I'm gonna release the Bludgers. Try to improve your aim." Sirius und Frank grumbled as they stayed up on their brooms whilst the rest of us got down, breathing heavily. "We are probably going to have to play in a weather like this! So we better be prepared!" James yelled after them, releasing the Bludgers.

"Have you looked at the stands already?" I asked as I resisted the urge to huddle into him, choosing to just place myself behind him for wind protection.

"Yeah, I'm always on the look-out for the sneaky snakes," James replied with a smirk over his shoulder, causing my heart to leap slightly.

"A-alright…but have you also noticed a certain red-head up there to your right?" I leaned over just in time to see his eyes flicker towards that area.

"Yeah, I have noticed," he said with an indifferent tone.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for a second, "…And?"

"And what?"

"That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You see the love of your life and all you have to say is 'Yeah, I have noticed'," I mimicked his voice, causing him to raise an eyebrow at me, "Didn't you promise that you wouldn't give up on her? I haven't seen you trying to pursue her in the past weeks."

James stayed quiet for a while, shouting an order towards the two Beaters. "James?"

The dark-haired boy sighed before he turned to face me, "And what about you? I haven't seen you try to get that internship, either."

"I have!"

"Leaving the sweets at her door is not trying."

"How do you know about that?" I asked surprised.

"I have my ways," he winked, "So what's going on?"

It was my turn to sigh this time, "...She is just been stressed and very unapproachable. Especially last week…," I hinted, watching his smile fade in realisation. It had been a full moon night. He cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well, you should maybe not try then anymore."

"….Oh? All of a sudden?"

"Yeah. And I'm not gonna try, either."

"What?" I stared at him in surprise, "What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just sick of chasing something that seems unavailable," James said indifferently, "That promise was a dumb thing to do."

I swallowed slightly, wondering why I felt hurt about him breaking our promise. "Hey, listen," he appeased, noticing my expression, "I mean, I shouldn't have made you promise to keep asking her when it seems that she won't budge at all."

Nodding, I figured he was right. I wasn't really trying for good reason anyways. And he seemed to have realised that it wouldn't work out, either. But how…

"Why do you think that all of a sudden?"

"Er…," he scratched his neck, "I might have tried to persuade her to take you in." My eyes bulged. "What?!"

"Yeah…I kind of…had a slight – a very slight – suspicion why she wouldn't take you in as an intern," he started slowly, looking everywhere but at you, "And I offered a solution…but she still refused."

I stared at the shuffling boy in front of me, "You…tried to get that internship…for me?" My voice was almost breathless as I thought about what he had done more deeply; he had actually tried to find a solution for me despite his best friend's secret. "What- what was that suspicion?" I forced myself to ask, wondering what he would tell me.

"It doesn't really matter," he waved off quickly, "I just suggested to her to schedule your training periods around the…suspicion…yeah…and it didn't work."

…

I had the sudden strong urge to grab him by his Quidditch robes and kiss him senseless.

"Thank you, James," I said sincerely, blushing at my own thoughts, "Really…that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." His cheeks already slightly flushed from the harsh wind reddened some more. "It's nothing."

"No, it's not nothing," I insisted, placing my hand on his arm. He didn't know I knew but I still wanted him to understand how important that was to me, "I'm really, really thankful, James."

"It didn't even work out, you don't have to be so embarrassing now," James tried to joke slightly, swallowing as he watched my beaming smile. Biting my lip, I forced to keep my arms down in order to not crush him into a hug, "Why are you staring at me like a creep?"

I shook my head with a grin, "I guess I'm just surprised what a sweet person you can be?" He spluttered slightly in protest, "Oh yes, Potter. Underneath all that prankster façade is a tiny, sweet boy…," I teased him before turning slightly serious, "who would do anything for his friends."

James puffed out his chest in pride, nodding, "I agree with the last part."

Laughing, I shook my head and let go of his arm. "I owe you something, siriusly."

"It didn't work out, though?" James questioned before shaking his head, "Nevermind, why am I complaining?" I laughed again as the Beaters went down, puffing heavily.

"Are we done yet?" Sirius huffed.

"Oh. Sorry, Padfoot! I didn't watch. Do it again!" James yelled over the wind, causing the two to groan in annoyance, "Hey, now. This is not the way to groan at your Captain!"

"Stop flirting then and pay attention!"

I was glad for the harsh wind now as it hid my tomato face. James chuckled slightly, "Sorry Pads. Couldn't resist."

"Oi, what the hell are you on about?" I grumbled, punching his arm.

"Ouch, woman," James complained, and I rolled my eyes, it wasn't even that hard of a hit, "I was just kidding. Now get your ass up there. It's time for an actual game!"

Needless to say, practice got us cold and sore after another hour, leaving us to yearn for nothing but a nice hot shower. I was about to head inside the lockers room, smiling tiredly at Marlene, Lily and Alice as they came up when James called me back to him.

Figuring he was just going to comment on my training session, I trudged back with curses muttered under my breath.

"Are you going to Slug's Party this weekend?" James asked outright and I blinked for a second in surprise at the sudden topic.

"Yeah, why?"

"Cool, let's go together then," he suggested, ruffling my hair with a quiet smirk as I stared at him dumbfounded.

"Ehm, what?" I mumbled; my words overshadowed by Marlene's shriek of 'WHAT', "Why?"

"Why not?" James asked back, leaving me slightly speechless when I had no argument against it either. "It's settled then. I will pick you up at the Common Room at eight."

"Alright," I muttered as he walked backwards towards the locker rooms, waving goodbye at me before he turned and went inside.

What just happened?

-

"I told you!" Marlene squealed, bouncing on her bed as we all got ready for the evening, "I told all your asses this would happen!"

I rolled my eyes as I shuffled into a plain blue dress, charmed to keep me warm and deciding to just leave my hair down for once.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked indifferently, looking stunning in her long red dress whilst she put on some earrings. She even managed to straighten her hair, which I still wondered why she would in the first place. I had straight hair, so I am a reliable source when I say it's boring.

"I mean," Marlene pressed, "That James Potter has actually started to look elsewhere for once. And his eyes are now set on Cecily!"

"You are being ridiculous," I said, trying to hide the tiny flush creeping up my cheeks, "He asked me as a friend. And you are still my date, you know?"

"Doesn't matter," the brown-haired beauty said dismissively, "It's the first step to romance. Pretending to be friends."

"Then why hasn't he ever tried to use that move on Lily?" I pointed out and she went quiet for a second, pondering on it before she said, "He's just dumb." A collective sigh resounded through the room. "I'm serious, though. Why is no one seeing this but me? It's so exciting, too. Cecily is finally getting a boyfriend!"

I sat down on my bed to put on my shoes, a tiny smile gracing my lips without my intention. "Look, how happy she is!" Marlene pointed at me almost accusingly as she looked at the others for confirmation.

"Oh, shut up already," I grumbled, embarrassed and she threw me a sleazy wink.

"Lily, what do you think?" she suddenly asked the too quiet girl in the back, who was absently fiddling with a chain in her hand.

"What?" she asked, blinking slightly.

I smiled. 'Who is the daydreaming one now?' "You need help with that?" I asked, ignoring Marlene's chatter in the background about my non-existent love life. Lily nodded, smiling back softly but stayed quiet otherwise.

"You must be relieved, too, Lils," Alice suddenly pointed out, appearing from the bathroom in a cute white dress, "With James finally stopping his pestering."

"Yes, for sure," Lily said but I noticed the usual fervour in her voice whenever she talked about James was missing, leaving it mellow. As I looked up, she was watching me through the mirror with a thoughtful expression.

"Everything alright?" I asked and she simply nodded, turning away with a 'Let's go'. Shrugging to myself, I followed the girls out towards the Common Room, fashionably late…I hated being late.

"Damn, what took you so long?" James greeted me with an eyeroll as he stood up from his hunched position with Sirius in front of the fireplace.

"Hello James. I'm fine, thank you. You look fancy yourself," I said sarcastically, and he gave me a peeved look, though his lips were twitching upwards.

"You would be the same if someone made you wait for half an hour, woman," he complained after the others greeted each other and we started heading towards the dungeons.

"I would still be polite in my greetings," I said poshly whilst wondering about the eager-looking Sirius peeking at us over James' shoulder.

"Oh yeah?"

"No. I would punch you for wasting my time." James laughed quietly, hooking my arm through his as we walked down the steps. "Hello Sirius, by the way."

Sirius perked up. "Hello to you too, dear Cecily. How are you feeling this fine evening?" he asked with a overly nasal tone.

"I'm feeling just splendid," I replied in the same voice. James made a face when I gave him a look. "This is how you greet someone, James."

"Please no," Sirius said in his normal tone, "It's the way purebloods greet each other."

"I was just going to say that reminded me of the way Slytherins talk," James laughed, causing some peers around us with green ties to glare in our direction.

"Or Ravenclaws when they recite something from the books in class," I added, and they nodded in agreement.

We entered Slughorn's class and I had to momentarily blink at the different sight from the usual dark interior. Every year Slughorn would change the décor and theme of the party although it would always be a little Christmas-like for a little thrill of anticipation. For me, it only reminded me of all the presents I had yet to shop for.

"Hello, my dear students," Slughorn greeted us with wide arms, ushering us inside, "My my, almost all my best students from Sixth Year at once!"

"Except for Marlene," I muttered, nudging the girl's shoulder teasingly and she slapped my arm painfully. Hey, she got here only because of me, I was allowed to poke fun at her for once. Her glare turned into a smirk when she noticed the arm hooked around James' and I looked away pointedly, ignoring her giggles at my red cheeks.

"Professor Slughorn, you have really outdone yourself with the decoration," Lily commented politely as the rest of us saw no point in making conversation with him and longingly stared at the food across the room instead.

"Finally," I muttered, grabbing myself a plate and handing one over to James to pile up something to eat. Marlene had slapped my hand away from anything edible throughout the whole day, insisting to keep my stomach from bloating to have a good figure for my dress. A dress that wasn't even tight-fitting.

"Someone's hungry," James remarked as he watched the pile on my plate grow higher and higher.

"Got a problem with a girl eating?" I asked with a raised eyebrow playfully and he grinned. "Not at all," he replied and put a cherry on top of my pile, causing us to chuckle.

We spent the first hour sitting down on one of the tables and chatting about nonsense as we ate, Slughorn occasionally fluttering past us, stopping for a quick talk and leaving as fast to attend to others. Looking around I was positive that there had never been so many people at one of his parties than this time around.

"He must be still looking for potential candidates for his trophy stand," James mused as if reading my thoughts. I noticed he did that a lot; knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Hm, we must not be enough for him then," I commented. Sirius placed a hand over his heart dramatically, "How can you say that? We are lovely!"

"Lovely doesn't get you anywhere," James argued and puffed his chest out as I laughed, "Manliness does."

"Touché," Sirius agreed, puffing his chest out as well.

"You look like dumb idiots," I said with a shake of my head, still chuckling.

"Dumb and idiot mean the same," James said in a posh tone that would make a Ravenclaw proud.

"Two are better than one to describe your idiocy," I said, causing them splutter indignantly, "Oh hush. I'm just joking."

"You wound me still," Sirius said with a sniff.

The evening continued with the same light conversation and I couldn't help but settle in my position comfortably. Usually I would feel totally out of place in social circles like these, having a hard time to come up with mindless small talk, but it was somewhat easier with James on my side and Sirius on his respectively. The tables disappeared after a while to clear space for the dance floor, leaving me to mourn after the food that went with it.

"Now let's shag some legs!" Slughorn exclaimed enthusiastically. I choked on my drink whilst Sirius and James had a hard time keeping their laughter in as the music started blaring louder, soft classic music making space for some Wrock bands.

"Is that actually a real Muggle phrase?" Sirius asked between his barks of laughter whilst I watched Lily talk to Slughorn with a flustered face, probably trying to explain the right phrase to him. I bet you ten galleons that she was the one telling him about it in the first place.

"Something along the lines," I said with a small grin, rolling my eyes at the cackling boys next to me.

My feet were starting to ache from the heels Marlen had forced on me after a few more hours and I couldn't help but sigh in relief as James agreed to leave the slowly dwindling party close to midnight. "This was actually nice for once," James interrupted the sudden silence surrounding us, my ears still pounding from the too loud music.

"Yeah, it was way more fun than usual," I agreed.

"Was it because of me?" James asked with a wide grin and I rolled my eyes, bending down to get rid of my shoes to hide my blush. The dark-haired boy gave me his arm for support, and I sighed in relief as my aching feet hit the cool ground, immediately soothing my sore joints, "Wow, those heels were really high, weren't they? You are suddenly ten inches smaller."

"Oi, I'm not that small," I protested, looking back up only to have to crane my neck to see his crooked grin. "Oh, shut up," I mumbled, suddenly shy as I noticed how close we were standing. James chuckled softly before nudging me, "Come on, it's getting cold. Let's get you into the Common Room."

"You could lend me your robe like any gentlemen would," I pointed out and he gave me an affronted look, "And what about my freezing ass?" he asked in shock, causing me to laugh. I couldn't remember a time where I had laughed as much as this evening, my heart feeling light and floating around as if on clouds; an unusual but welcoming feeling.

Muttering a Heating Charm, I heard James sigh quietly in relief, apparently having felt really cold. "You know you are a wizard, right?" I asked him amused and he gave me look before grinning himself, looking away out of the window. We reached the Common Room, which was completely empty, and I would have almost automatically walked towards the fireplace if it hadn't been for the pure exhaustion from the evening catching up on me.

"You should sleep, we have class early in the morning," James said quietly as he watched my eyes droop every few seconds. He nudged me towards the staircase, "I can't carry you upstairs, the stairs are cursed."

I chuckled, walking up the way to the girls' dormitories as he stayed back, "It's not the staircase, it's the boys who are cursed."

"Cursed to fall at your feet," he added charmingly, smirking. I looked over my shoulder, shaking my head slightly. He had the most random bursts to flirt than anyone I had ever met before. "Good night, James," I simply said.

His brown eyes softened and for a second we stood there, staring at each other from across the room. I couldn't decipher anything from the distance, but it felt like something shifted in the atmosphere in that moment.

"Good night, Cec," he said faintly.

Chapter Five

[crackededges]

Starry-Eyed

Pairing/s: Analogical

Warning/s: Kissing, implications of anxiety, and self-deprecating thoughts. If there should be more, feel free to let me know.

Summary: One night, Virgil finds Logan alone, gazing at the glittering sky. It takes Virgil every ounce of his being not to fall for the starry-eyed nerd in front of him, not knowing that he already has... 

Genre/s: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

Word Count: 4366

Author’s Note: Leave it to me to make a Moceit ficlet and write this monstrosity after. Likes and reblogs are highly appreciated.

AO3

*****

“It’s getting pretty late…” Virgil stood solemnly across from Logan.

The night was warm. Warm enough to make the air heavy with musky scents of nature. From the sickly sweet smell of freesias to the shallow whiffs of grass, every little detail stood as an unashamed reminder of spring.

The evening breeze grazed his skin, wrapping him in its sultry embrace when he found Logan, seated on the ground, lost in his own head. The surroundings sighed. It was a delightful change from the usual cold nights that blew mercilessly at whoever was found awake and rattling with restless thoughts.

Restless thoughts like Logan’s.

Logan stiffened. He looked to the source of the voice, and let his muscles loosen once he recognized the figure in front of him. A short, relieved exhale could be heard escaping his lips. If one were to be quiet enough, maybe they’d hear Virgil’s curiosity spark in weak but volatile bursts.

“Virgil,” he began. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

Virgil stepped closer. The grass brushed against his shoes, delicate but assertive. He usually didn’t like the sound. It was much too unsettling, especially at a time where darkness enveloped each corner with its presence, rendering anyone weak and helpless. But at that moment, it was the least of his worries. 

It wouldn’t be a part of his worries for quite a while. 

“Shouldn’t you be asleep by now?” Virgil stood beside him, making sure to maintain a comfortable distance. “You’re usually so strict with your own schedule.”

In one swift move, Logan brought his hand up to inspect the watch on his wrist and his eyes went wide. “My apologies.” He looked around, clearly disarranged. “I didn’t seem to notice the time.”

“Distracted?”

Logan looked up. “Pardon?”

“Were you distracted by something?”

His gaze retreated to the ground, shame and embarrassment flooding his face. “Yes…” He admitted. “I suppose that would be a good assumption.”

Virgil cracked a smile, finding amusement in Logan’s sudden loss of order about himself. He glanced at the sky above them. A dark blue canvas had covered its entirety with clouds bleeding into the thick veil, sporadic and untamed. Stars were scattered across the heavens, enthralling in their unaligned pattern. It provided balance in some way. A solitary flaw in a sea of flawless elegance. Now that was a sight to see. 

“I don’t blame you,” Virgil said. “The sky’s pretty clear tonight.”

“It is.”

“It’s rarely like this.”

Logan sighed, melancholy lacing his tone. “Unfortunately.”

A wave of empty silence passed. Logan cleared his throat, clearly not wanting to tolerate the awkwardness that hung in the air. “Speaking of nights, I should be preparing myself to sleep now.” He took one last glance at his watch before heading in the opposite direction. “Thank you for reminding me, Virgil.”

Virgil turned to look at him, his face tightening. He weighed his options, creating thousands upon thousands of reasons that spoke against what he was about to do. Yet... 

“Wait.”

Logan stopped in his tracks. He looked over his shoulder and Virgil could’ve sworn his heart fluttered inside his chest, repeatedly colliding against the walls of his ribcage, when he was greeted with curious eyes he would willingly lose himself in.

“Virgil?” Logan asked, soft and cautious. “Is there something wrong?”

Virgil’s mind scrambled for something to say, desperately hoping that incoherent gibberish wouldn’t erupt from his lips. Luckily, they didn’t. “Like I said, the sky’s rarely like this. And it’s a weekend. It wouldn’t hurt to stay up for a little longer if you want to…”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see how that would be a logical idea.”

“I didn’t say it was.”

Logan stayed bolted to where he stood, unwavering. Virgil sighed. “Things don’t always have to be logical, Logan-”

“I highly doubt that.”

“And I saw the way you were staring before I interrupted. You seem so... intrigued.”

Strangely, Logan’s voice diminished, possibly subdued by the last word. “What about it?”

“Nothing. It’s just that…” Virgil paused, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t see you like that often. It’s a good break from being…”

“Unapproachable?”

“Stoic.”

“‘Stoic’?”

Virgil nodded.

Logan opened his mouth, hesitated, and said, “Should I take that as a negative observation?”

He shook his head. “No,” he replied. “I don’t think you should. You have a lot of self-control. That’s admirable.”

Logan stared at the ground, his face contorted into something Virgil couldn’t read. A crease formed between his eyebrows and that was enough of an indication for regret to start seeping into Virgil’s handwoven cloth of conscience. With an uneven voice, he quickly added, “Unless you don’t want to be called ‘stoic’, then just forget I said anything. I’m sorry if-”

“No.” Virgil cocked his head to the side, feeling the pricks of fear disperse and disintegrate. “It’s fine.” Logan turned to properly face Virgil. A hint of a smile could be seen upon his lips. “‘Stoic’ it is.”

It was Virgil’s turn to exhale with relief. 

Logan went and sat back down, letting meaningful silence pass between them aside from the faint rustling against the grass. Virgil shifted his footing. He tried to decide if his presence was still welcomed or not.

“Virgil?”

Virgil glanced back. “Yeah?”

Logan smiled. His next words were enough to make Virgil numb from the long-lasting buzz of excitement that jittered through his bones. 

“Would you like to join me?”

***

That was how it started. Every week, after all of the strain, after all of the fatigue, the worry, the tightness that slithered and branched from every shortcoming, they found themselves in the same spot at the same time. There was never any formal discussion about it. Neither of them told or urged the other to meet them there. A specific time was never set. It simply happened. Every week, there was an itch in the deepest parts of Virgil’s insides, slowly but surely growing until it was impossible to ignore. He needed to be by Logan’s side, and he feared trying to form a sensible reason behind it.

Maybe he didn’t need a reason. Maybe they could continue this small routine of theirs, forever gazing at the endless sea of stars above them while ignoring Virgil’s agonizing feeling of wanting more. So much more. More of Logan’s presence. More of his demeanor. More of his calming voice that cascaded along crevices of Virgil’s uncertainty and distress, filling them with nothing but mellow security. 

He wanted what lay beyond civil words and shallow smiles, but he would be a fool to say that it wasn’t far from his reach. Wanting more was a luxury he couldn’t afford. And what he had in that spot, beneath the stars, was all he could ever claim as his.

If that was the only thing he had in his grasp, he was going to savor it.

Logan had just finished discussing Sirius A, the brightest star that could be seen from Earth’s sky. Earlier, he pointed towards three stars spaced uniformly from one another. They eventually led to a ball of light that seemed to outshine the rest, grand and dignified with its superiority. 

Virgil thought it was lucky.

“Do you remember the other day?” Virgil asked, poking through the wall of silence between them. That was another thing. Silence was rarely tense; never rigid. In some miraculous way, Virgil found comfort in the lack of noise. With Logan next to him, taut air was left with no room to settle. And Virgil was thankful. “When you said you were unapproachable?”

“I rarely forget things, Virgil.”

“I know.” A shaky hand ran through his bangs. “I just wanted to be sure.”

Virgil felt Logan’s stare. He didn’t dare to meet it. “Yes, I remember.”

There was a pause.

“Is that seriously what you think of yourself as?”

Logan turned to him, giving a confused look. Something dangled behind his voice. Hurt. Hurt that wasn’t his to carry. He couldn’t understand how the word could have affected him. Maybe he was tired. That must be it. 

“Yes,” he answered matter-of-factly. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, it’s just that…” Virgil’s hand traced against his jeans, taking a stray thread and holding it between his fingers, a faux expression of focus plastered on his face. “Don’t you think that’s kinda harsh?”

“Being unapproachable?”

“Calling yourself unapproachable.”

“I don’t think so.” Logan reached up to adjust his glasses. Virgil still didn’t look at him. “It’s merely an observation. I know the others find it particularly difficult to consult me for dilemmas. Making an assumption based on their selective interactions was a logical thing to do.”

“Do you think we see you as unapproachable?”

Logan frowned. An answer stood stalling upon his lips. Maybe he didn’t like that. Maybe the question wandered to a place where it shouldn’t, and he couldn’t decide what to do with it other than wave it away like a fly that was much too adamant for its own good. “It would be a reasonable assumption…”

Virgil finally looked up and met Logan’s eyes, shiny with doubt. He barely noticed how close they were to one another, and that revelation almost made him choke. He took a breath and finally said, “Look, take it from someone who rarely leaves his room half of the time and hisses at anyone who tries to make any form of social interaction. You’re not unapproachable.”

Logan blinked, but their gaze didn’t break other than that. He stared into Virgil’s eyes, examining them. Waiting for something to falter. Something to hang back, show delay, and possibly give him a reason to believe otherwise. After a while, he turned away. Virgil had punched the air out of his arguments. When he spoke, his voice sounded lost. 

“Is there any logical evidence for that claim?”

With that, Virgil inched closer. He placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder. The touch seared into his skin, but he didn’t pull back. He didn’t shy away. His hand stayed, rubbing fond circles on Logan’s back. Logan didn’t protest.

“You’re a lot of things, Logan. Unapproachable isn’t one of them.”

***

Logan's eyes rarely left the glittering sky. Virgil never complained. In fact, he found delight in it. Logan was in the middle of explaining the expansion of the universe, but Virgil couldn’t help but steal a small glance. He was glad for that. Studying the way Logan’s face lit up from uninterrupted immersion, a jolt of warmth danced without rest.

That was Logan’s effect on him, and it was certainly going to be the death of Virgil one day.

“I never got to ask why you were interested in space so much.”

“Hmm... ?”

Virgil shuffled, his shoulder brushing against Logan’s. They were lying on the grass now. What Virgil once considered as a comfortable distance was thrown out the window, forgotten, and replaced with a new meaning. He cleared his throat. “You always seem so excited whenever space is involved. I mean... I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why the two of us are here every week, isn’t it?” Among other reasons. “Why?”

“It’s big.”

Virgil snorted, nudging Logan slightly. “That’s why?”

Logan laughed at that. Virgil had heard Logan’s laugh before. No, not the stringent one that he uses around the others for the sake of emitting laughter. He had a real one. Raw and vulnerable. He heard it every time he was done with another one of his rambles about the origin of certain constellations, laughing off the far-fetched beliefs made by the Greeks and the Babylonians. He heard it after Virgil recounted an instance with Roman, on the brink of losing his mind after being told that he needed to have facial hair before he could shave, let alone use a godforsaken sword to do it. He heard it when a firefly strayed too far and found itself landing on Virgil’s nose. He wasn’t a stranger to Logan’s laugh. Even so, that didn’t stop his chest from stirring with endearment every time he did.

Logan shifted. “There’s something intriguing about large things, Virgil,” he began once the lighthearted jests had died down. “There’s always more to learn, more to explore, more to understand. Even with that in mind, space is something beyond that; it’s beyond our understanding.” He gestured vaguely towards the sky. “It’s a seemingly infinite void that holds non-Earthly phenomena and continuously expands even before we’ve had the chance to witness it all. Space alone proves that our knowledge compiled after millions of years is only a speck in our universe.”

He paused, taking in the view in front of him, relishing in it as if it was the only time he could do so. His eyes reflected the same fervor that spilled and oozed from his words. “Many think it’s overwhelming, perhaps terrifying, but I think it’s interesting. I even think it’s, dare I say it, beautiful.”

Logan sighed. A smile hung on his face, reaching past his cheeks and up to his eyes. Seconds later, his smile fell. He cleared his throat as a faint blush started forming on his face. “My apologies for rambling. I got quite carried away-”

“You don’t need to apologize, L.” Virgil’s hand trailed to Logan’s, squeezing it gently. At the corner of his eye, he could see Logan’s smile reattach itself, and Virgil couldn’t have been anymore lovesick. 

“I agree,” he said, but he wasn’t looking at the sky anymore. “It’s beautiful.”

***

One night, it was different. The usual balmy and cordial breeze had come and gone, leaving nothing but tight air that stung Logan’s nose. Virgil laid on the ground, frigid and quiet. There were no cynical remarks. No skepticism towards the constellations and the history they held. No glint of clever retorts. Not even a dismissive chuckle that acted as a sign of Virgil’s confusion from the overwhelming buckets of knowledge Logan threw onto his lap. 

Something was wrong. 

“Virgil?” Logan finally asked, having decided that he couldn’t withstand the sudden shift of the air between them. “Are you alright?

It took longer for Virgil to respond. Much longer. “Kinda…” His voice was worn and raspy. “Just had a rough day today.”

Logan sat up, facing him. He could see the restraint on Virgil’s face, clear as day despite the low glow of the night that only highlighted the sharp lines of his caricature. The view tugged at his chest, almost wounding. Since when did he feel like this towards another’s sorrow? Was it the way Virgil was clearly being selective with his words? Did he not trust him enough to be more open... or was it something else? Something he had yet to understand… like the dark veil above his head that held more questions than answers. Whatever it was, it tugged harder when he noticed Virgil turn away. It only added to his pain.

“Would you still be able to tolerate my presence for today? If you would rather be alone, that’s completely understandable-”

“No.”

Logan paused. Virgil tried to sneakily wipe his eyes, but it failed to get past Logan.

His expression softened. Virgil was struggling, but Logan didn’t want to be another stone for him to carry on his already weakening back. 

“You can stay,” Virgil said, his voice as quiet as a whisper. His face remained hidden. “Only if you want to.”

Virgil didn’t give him time to respond when he continued with, “If you don’t, that’s fine-”

“It’s okay.” 

Virgil’s chest rose unevenly. He looked up, exposing his tear-stained face, and caught Logan’s comforting gaze. For a moment, maybe that was all he needed; a look that held sincerity without an ounce of selfishness. 

He didn’t want to look away. He was afraid to. 

“I’ll stay.”

In a heartbeat, Virgil leaned into him, his face gently pressing against Logan’s shoulder, warm with tears. Logan wasn’t used to it, to say the least. Consoling someone was far from what he usually knew. Normally, he would leave the emotional complications to Patton. He knew more about emotions than Logan ever could. Quite frankly, Logan found himself vexed by it which meant that it would be doing both of them a favor. But today was different. Virgil was different… and he’d be damned before he’d catch himself sending Virgil away to someone else.

With his lack of experience, Logan only did what he felt was right. He wrapped his arms around him, placed a hand on the back of Virgil’s head, and he held. He held, and he held. He held Virgil close as if he had all the secrets of the world kept in his pocket. No. It was more than that... 

He couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. Maybe what they had was beyond wanting. Beyond the usual things they craved from one another. At that moment, they held each other. They held without wanting anything in return.

Logan and Virgil sat on the grass, the sky twinkling without pause, and against all odds, they would stay. As long as Virgil needed him, as long as he had more tears to shed, they would stay.

In the midst of it all, Virgil’s words broke through, wobbly but certain.

“I’m really happy you’re here…”

***

A week passed.

Logan wasn’t there.

At first, Virgil didn’t know what to make of it. More days passed... and he still didn’t know. He knew the reason behind his absence. Thomas had started on another project. As a result, both Logan and Roman were whisked away, tucked back in their respective rooms, drowned in schedules, blanketed in pressure, and wrung dry with expectations as high as the stars. Virgil was no exception. That’s the thing with him... he’s never excluded entirely, is he? The sudden change in the flow of things left him winded; it left him gasping for air more than it usually did. Was it because of the anxiety that came with it all? Was it the tension and weight that he had to endure that disrupted the calmness of his days? Or was it... 

No.

No, it wasn’t. It shouldn’t be. Logan had every right to shift his attention to something else. After all, it was for the betterment of all of them. A victory for Thomas was a victory for all. If Logan wanted to dedicate his time to something that was clearly more productive and more worthy of his effort, who was Virgil to stop him?

Still, the pain that clawed in his chest didn’t cease.

Virgil didn’t expect Logan’s absence to be as hollow and bleak and... empty as it was. Surely, a little more than a week wouldn’t hurt much, would it? Oh, how wrong he was. As the yesterdays bled into tomorrows, something deep within him ached. It twisted and crumpled into a misshapen mess of longing and yearning. Yearning for the slowly expanding void to disappear until it morphed into a dismal hum, forever to be ignored and overlooked. He wanted it to shrink into what it should have been: something to pay no attention to.

He wanted... but he couldn’t afford wanting. He never did.

Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could pretend it didn’t bother him. He could pretend that the barrenness Logan left didn’t gather into a thunderstorm, raging and merciless. Menacing and violent. He could ignore how it lashed against his skin, the icy wind thrashing to and fro until he turned numb. He could lie. He could hide. He could find another way to ease his mind.

He could do that.

But if he could... then why was he sitting on the grass, looking out into the darkness, desperately wishing to hear who Orion was and why he was considered as such a great hunter from a voice of familiarity?

Why was he here?

“Virgil?”

It was Virgil’s turn to stiffen, but he didn’t turn and look to the source of the voice. He didn’t need to. The way his heart leapt to his chest served as undeniable evidence.

“It’s late,” Logan said, words drenched in fatigue.

“I know.”

There was a pause.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“This sounds familiar.”

Logan smiled through his words. “It does.”

Silence stretched. It stretched much longer than they would have liked. Logan shifted uncomfortably. “Virgil, why are you here?”

Virgil’s chest rose. His mind scraped every corner for a reason. When he turned up empty-handed, he replied with, “I’m not sure.”

They were met with silence once more. Logan took one step towards him. Then another. And another. He sat down, and the warmth of his presence was probably enough to tip Virgil over the edge from his precipice of constraint. For a while, they stayed like that, scared of saying the wrong things and making the wrong moves. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe talking wasn’t worth their time anymore. Maybe Logan had decided it was for the best that they stopped. For the best... 

Why did the best always seem to hurt the most?

“I’m really sorry if what happened last time put you off.”

Logan glanced at him. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know.” Virgil scratched the back of his head shamefully. “I thought I scared you or something.”

“I don’t get scared.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I... don’t think I do.”

“Why do you always-” Virgil stopped and took a breath, letting his head drop into his hands. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Virgil-”

“Did I upset you in some way?” His tone started to waver like how a gate shook and rattled before bursting open, letting loose whatever creature that panted for freedom.

“Of course, not.” Logan’s next words were soft. Light. Delicate. “I was busy. You know this.”

“I do.” Virgil sighed. “I do know. I’m sorry. I just…”

For a while, Logan looked at him. Thoughtful and evaluative. He still had a hard time grasping why he cared so much about the words that left Virgil’s mouth. It wasn’t even merely the words anymore. With every action, every mannerism, every breath that filtered through his chest, he was left to dangle on a limb, desperately trying to understand more. Perceive more. Absorb more than what Virgil was letting on. Maybe, by some miracle, he could finally decipher the weird language of Virgil, and he could offer him what he wanted. What he needed. The chances of Logan actually giving him that were ridiculously low, but for Virgil, he would try. As long as Virgil’s mind went rampant with whirlwinds of disquiet, he would try.

Again and again, Logan would try.

Virgil lifted his head, still avoiding Logan’s gaze. “I’ve never had something like this.”

Logan’s brows furrowed. “Like... what?”

“This.” Virgil gestured to the space between them. “Just talking and listening and looking and…” He paused, taking his time to consider his next words. He ran a nervous hand through his bangs. “It’s always just been me, y’know? I’ve never had anyone else to talk to and help forget that the rest of the world exists. It’s nice. It feels nice. I guess I was just... scared.”

“Scared…” Logan repeated hesitantly. “Of what?”

A weak laugh escaped Virgil’s lips. “Of losing it in some stupid way.”

“Virge…” Logan began, but the rest of it trailed off.  It wasn’t important. Not anymore.

It all started with a touch on Virgil’s shoulder. Just a small pat that said Logan was there. But it burned. It burned with aching. Tenderness. Affection. Everything that was stripped from them after so long came together in one touch, crowding around like a whirlpool. Before they even noticed, Logan wrapped his hand around him. Virgil clung onto it, holding as if his life depended on it. Logan came closer, taking the gesture Virgil threw his way and wrapped him with another hand. His embrace formed a port, a cover, a shelter to shield him from the raging storm of the world outside of their little spot. Logan would do that for him. He had no doubt about that.

When Logan was close enough, he rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil turned to him slightly and he let their foreheads touch with a warmth that spread like a wildfire. Logan still had his arms around him, his heat infectious in the best way possible. Virgil couldn’t believe it. He almost didn’t want to. He feared for the sun to rise from its dark and desolate chamber, shedding its light and revealing what they had to be nothing but an illusion. He didn’t want the sun to rise. He didn’t want the night to end. He didn’t want to open his eyes and be greeted with the same stony loneliness he was used to.

But he wasn’t. He opened his eyes, and there was Logan. And Virgil couldn’t have asked for anything else.

Virgil spoke. It was soft and breathy, but Logan was close enough to hear it. “Are you still busy?” He finally asked, his lips lightly grazing against his. “Do you need to leave?”

“No.”

Virgil swallowed thickly. “Can you stay?”

Logan squeezed him tighter as if proving a point… and he smiled. “As long as you want.”

His smile was contagious and Virgil couldn’t help the way the corners of his mouth quirked up. After a while, he lifted his head and was met with blue eyes as dark as the night sky. His smile faded. So did Logan’s. The air quivered between them, shivering with uncertainty. But amongst all the doubts that clouded the moment, they were certain of one thing and one thing only.

Virgil leaned forward. Logan met him halfway. Their eyes fluttered shut before their lips met in complete and utter adoration for the other. Logan’s lips were sweeter than Virgil expected, but that didn’t stop his stomach from spinning and twisting into knots in the slightest. Why would it?

When they broke away, Virgil opened his eyes again and was surprised to see the same starry-eyed look Logan always had when he was lost in the stars above. Virgil couldn’t do anything else but lean forward for more.

Perhaps space wasn’t the only thing that Logan found captivating.

[shoichee]

OKOKOK MATCHUP cause I totally forgot but then there are spots left 🖐😈....

•{Astrology Sign}• Scorpio

•{Sexuality}• Unlabeled (still trying to figure it out 🧎‍♀️)

•{Height}• 6’0”

•{Race}• I’m light skinned so mixed with black and white

•{Hobbies}• Love to paint, i play Genshin Impact, cooking (cause I love eating 😤), singing, umm that’s it oh I’m hella boring lmao I do the same things over and over again but they never bore me so I’ll count that as a hobby

•{Weakness}• I only talk to 3-4 people and when others try and txt me I get annoyed but I’ll talk for hours with my 3-4 friends, I can be hella inarticulate sometimes so... but now I’ve picked up stuttering when I get slightly nervous and or my mind can’t keep up with my mouth, whenever I do a task I rlly like doing I’ll just shut off around other people, and I make a lot of mean jokes about myself as a coping mechanism 😳 I like to spend time alone oh and I’m hella independent but I was forced to be, by myself when I was young

•{What I’m like in a relationship (even though I’ve never experienced it yet... single besties rise up lmao) :P}• I love like LOVE cuddles, cooking and making things with my s/o would be so fun, I like to stay in a lot so like I’d prefer dates at home more than going out, I like listening to like someone’s debates or weird stories, playing video games like smash or 1V1’s in Pokémon, and my friends describe me as a little kid at heart and when I start like a new anime that people have said that are boring I enjoy tf out of them idky

I think that’s it lovely I’m excited to see what you give me :)

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I AM SINCERELY SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG :(( SCHOOL CAME HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK AND… sigh, anyways… I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS THIS MATCHUP IS LONG TO MAKE UP FOR MY MIA

Genshin impact? POKEMON? You’re talking my LANGUAGE here, omg, i’m just waiting for my c6 ningguang and praying for her to show up in that zhongli rerun…. Anywho, if you wanna do competitive 6v6 singles for pokemon, cough

Best Matchup. . .

Murasakibara Atsushi

so are you just the female version of Atsushi? hello? *ring ring*

Murasakibara is someone who can be quite difficult to get along with, knowing that his oddities and very niche quirks that can make him come off as strange or unapproachable to most… and not to mention, his height never helps him with good first impressions either

when you first meet him, you’re not off-put by him, at all

if anything, Murasakibara was slightly off-put by you because girls your height are uncommon (actually, rarer in Japan too), but as soon as his momentary surprise wears off, HE CAN NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU

his type is literally tall girls, cough

he couldn’t put a finger to it… was it because of how you carried yourself was a little too similar to himself? either way, he would at first try to shrug it off and do his thing on practicing, eating, and tailing around Himuro like he always does

but then his eyes would ALWAYS drift over to you, noting how you’re always at the same spots doing the same things very contently, like using the cooking classroom alone, experimenting with a few baking recipes

his nose is always catching whiff of those crème brûlées you’ve been trying to perfect recently whenever he passes by the room down the hallway after school…

he’d be too shy to approach you to initiate conversation or to even ask, but he’d totally bring it up to Himuro in such a roundabout way later on about how he’s suddenly craving crème brûlée LMAOO

“I’m hungry.”

“Hm? Here, I bought some taiyaki earlier if you want these.”

“Hrmmmmphh…” Murasakibara would give a low, drawn out huff like a petulant child with his chin on the desk. “... Don’t want it.”

“Atsushi?” Himuro would stop with whatever he was doing and turn to stare at the giant with wide eyes. “You don’t want it?”

after giving a long side glance at the package Himuro held out with his fingers, he turns his face away with a “no” and starts mumbling about how he wants something “caramel,” “pudding,” and “creamy”

Murasakibara would be getting some intense staring from Himuro for a WHILE, if we were going to be real here LOL

pretty soon, he’d unintentionally memorize your schedule and routines around campus, just because everywhere he went, you were always there in those exact spots

like, he didn’t even mean to memorize where you end up at or anything (that’d be way too troublesome and annoying and too much work if he actually went out of his way to do that), but it just… kinda happened

during lunchtime, he knows how you’re always sitting with your small group of friends, earnestly listening to your friends’ animated retellings of their experiences of their lives while eating your (supremely well-made, luxury-looking, 5-star Michellin) lunchboxes… NO, he’s not drooling at your lunch whenever he lays eyes on it, you’re imagining things

certain days, you’d be in the designated cooking classroom to whip yourself up a quick snack… other days, you’d sit out in the area where you would have lunch with your friends to either paint on a small canvas/pad (just because you felt like it)... the rest of the days you were either outside with a friend to practice volleyball bumps and spiking or inside the (temporarily) empty gym for a few drills (or even a game if no one else occupied it for the evening)

so what does Murasakibara do? from that point on, from his classroom starting after school, he’d always languidly walk down an oddly-specific route that would involving going down a particular hallway… walk past a courtyard area… stroll past near the vending machine area… even so much as to side-eye the gym to see if its windows are lit up

yeah, he’s totally not hoping to seek you out from afar or anything

as much as he tries to dismiss, brush off, click his tongue, or outright deny it, he’d be WAY too obvious about his interest in you… and that’s where our buddy Himuro comes in with the slyest grins and sparkling eyes

“Atsushi, you’ve been distracted as of late.”

“Hn?” Murasakibara would hum to indicate that he was half-listening to whatever Himuro would say, thinking that he would say his usual chastising or telling him to accompany him somewhere.

“Are you, by chance, thinking about (y/n)-san right now?” (yes he’d still have that infuriating all-knowing smile ghosting on his lips)

and judging from Murasakibara’s red ears and the childish pout he sports on while telling him to “shut up” and that he was “being annoying,” Himuro would know he just hit the nail on the head

Himuro was the MVP and wingman in getting the two of you together if we are going to be honest here…

god, Murasakibara didn’t know if this would turn out even more awkward than it already was, because the first few IRL encounters with you were just him staring at you stuttering or letting out jumbled sentences

HE WOULD TOTALLY THINK HE’D ACCIDENTALLY SCARE YOU OFF?? like in addition to those (cute, but he isn’t gonna admit that) stutters, you’d accidentally shut him out during breaks when you get too engrossed into your manga

but then you’d drop off those desserts you’ve been practicing during your free time at his desk and then ANGELS START SINGING UPON HIM?? you weren’t scared of him after all?

and then your relationship turn into this quiet exchange session, where he’d drop off his own share of his snacks on YOUR desk and then leave just as quickly… and then it goes back and forth until you two eventually would just… hangout… and share snacks (looks like Himuro didn’t need to do much anyways)

when you two get into a relationship (the one where it just “happens”), it first seems like a disaster waiting to happen, with how similar you two are, who would be the “big pants” in the relationship? after all, Himuro can’t be there all the time to babysit

but you’re a lot more responsible than Murasakibara when situations call for it, having experience of independence since you were young, and in this way, Murasakibara was hella relieved that he could still rely on you

when you two spend time together, it’s very serene, you two doing your own things separately while being together… if that makes sense

and after some time would pass, either you or him would check up on the other to see what they were up to

during days where you two feel touchy, it’s always a thing where you’d lay against his chest with your back to him, while Murasakibara would hug your waist with his head on your shoulders (and watching whatever you were doing, whether it’d be playing Smash on the switch, Pokemon on the consoles, Genshin Impact on mobile…)

please be prepared to hear some ironically hilarious questions about what you’re doing, like this man cannot wrap his mind around why you’re so insistent in whacking around your opponent in Smash or grinding artifacts in Genshin LMAO

but then if you made the comparison to him practicing for basketball because he doesn’t want to lose, a lightbulb lights up, and now he’d be curiously watching your gameplay (he’d still have those occasional comments: “Eh? What are you doing here?”)

lowkey would be jealous of the Genshin men... again, can you blame him? he’d be so PETTY until you reassured him that you loved him the most LMAO

if you’re cuddling while watching your anime of choice (because let’s face it, Murasakibara doesn’t care what he watches), he is definitely going to make deadpan comments about why the main character is acting so overly passionate and stupid LMAOOOO

despite your tall height, he finds you very, VERY cute, like when he sees you fitting in small spaces within the house or you sing and hum a few tunes, he gets the EXTREME urge to keep it all to himself (like the child that he is)... he knows that it’s bad to be so possessive (Himuro had lectured to him about this topic), but still, he gets protective over you a lot especially when he knows how you let your guard really easily down around people you trust (he’s a little worried, that’s all)

on the rare days that you don’t want to be inside, sometimes you would take him out to teach him a few volleyball moves, and canonically, he could’ve been recruited to the volleyball club in Teiko instead of basketball

I’ve always headcanoned him like this (in another matchup I did before), so now... hear me out:

just imagine you trying to convince and tug Murasakibara to try out volleyball, since he’s always complaining about basketball being a “boring” sport and not being “fun,” and you were offering to teach him how to play volleyball after he gave a throwaway comment about how some “annoying” recruiters tried to pull him into the volleyball team back in middle school

again, he won’t really budge an inch until you offer him an incentive of cooking him his favorite dish or cuddling the first time you bring him to the volleyball courts, and if you were super good at the sport, he’d be more inclined to play with you in the future

anywho, indoor cooking dates are SO given, do we even needa say this?

when he first hears self-deprecation from you, he’s rendered speechless for a few seconds before he harshly frowns at you for a while in silence… and then since then, whenever you begin your mean jokes about yourself, he’d pinch your cheeks out of nowhere to stop you from finishing those sentences before changing the subject to how he’s hungry

the funniest thing Murasakibara ever experienced was when he heard you doing voice impressions of not only his own Yōsen teammates, but also his GoM friends as well and he LOST his shit

bonus: Himuro’s jokes and “comments” flying over both of your guys’ heads with imaginary question marks floating above and around

bonus #2: on the rare occasion that you two head to some fair or amusement park, Murasakibara would ace those shooting gallery and goldfish-scooping games for all of those plush prizes (*cue your kiddy side coming out and marveling at the points he was raking in*)… and then you two would try all of the food before heading home. like, that’s it, you don’t even get on the rides, you two were just there for free stuff and food

Runner-Up Matchup. . .

Himuro Tatsuya

HELLO? IF YOU’RE MURASAKIBARA, IT WOULD BE A CRIME TO NOT PUT HIM IN HERE TOO

literally when he first meets you, he’s like: “Huh, you remind me of someone I know very well…”

while most natives would stare at “foreigners” (especially in a homogeneous country like Japan), Himuro literally wouldn’t bat an eye

he has a pretty bad habit of blending Japanese and American culture together (or just not differentiating them well), so he probably wouldn’t even notice your appearances, or if he did, he wouldn’t care because America is very diverse (not until some classmate would point it out would he actually take your appearances in and have the cogs turn in his head)

when he does, it’s like an “oh shit” moment, like WOW he cannot believe such a pretty person is talking to him and he just has a moment of silence while staring at you

not gonna lie, you’d probably find him annoying at first whenever he approaches to talk to you, and you’d probably continue to stick with your friend group to shut him out while you’re in your own little world

not until he offers snacks to you that he FINALLY gets your attention, and from now on he just stacks double the stash for not only Murasakibara, but also for you

he’s very sociable but he’s just an extroverted introvert, so while he talks about his Yōsen memories or his time in America, he’s so in tuned with your comfort and emotions that he knows how to not overwhelm you, and you’re here munching on your food and earnestly listening to him

he would NOT have the self-deprecation jokes while he’s around, and he’d make sure of it

whenever you prepare to say your customary jokes about yourself, he’d instantly know and would put a finger to your lips with a hush before gently chastising you… and then giving you a genuine compliment about your look for the day or anything cute you did recently

he’s a lot more affectionate (in private) when you do have low moments

likewise, if you get a little rowdy with your voice, he would take full advantage to tease you and also “finger-shushing” you, before whispering that you were being a little too loud

he’d be SO amused in how you’re always tripping up on your words and stutter, but he’d be even more amused when he sees the looks of people around him when he easily understands what you said and translates it to everyone else

hello? you’re ringing up the KNB Gordon Ramsey, of course you guys are going to end up cooking a MASSIVE feast (accidentally) every time either of you are at each other’s houses, and when Himuro first cooked you a dish to try, he may have instantly won your entire heart… maybe

he has a guilty pleasure of saying obscure comments and jokes and watch them all fly over your head because you have the cutest expression whenever you blank out or think really hard about something

also has a guilty pleasure of walking into you singing BUT never announcing his presence so he can bathe in the serenity of your voice and expressions all to himself

just as you two watch anime together on your behalf, you also watch American dramas on Himuro’s behalf

whenever you have those lazy moments, Himuro would always be there to pick up your slack or calmly scold you to do your tasks for the day and make sure you were on top of things

he literally LIVES for the fact that you come to him for cuddles so frequently because it makes him feel so wanted and loved and actually special (especially since he has an inferiority complex about never being the “number 1” no matter how hard he tries)

at least with you, he knows that he doesn’t need to compete with anyone to know that he’d be number 1 in your heart :^) *insert angst happy ending*

bonus: he’s squinting hard at his own switch console he bought just so he could play multiplayer with you, but he doesn’t understand why he’s always losing in Smash in 3 seconds flat

“Tatsuya, you actually have to press the buttons to attack me.”

“Oh, I see. But which ones?”

he’d find himself lost in any Pokemon game even with the map function RIGHT THERE, and then you’d have to constantly help him navigate around the cities and routes

he’d totally get lost in the actual IRL cities just to go to the local manga store and buy the latest volumes for you as a surprise

[almorica]

Merry

all ages, fresh precure, berry/passion, 4,190 words

what are two girls who’ve never dated anyone to do but see what it’s like together? it’s only the natural conclusion.

ao3 / ffnet

“I really like how organized your room is,” Setsuna noted, turning her head from side to side as she slowly walked through it. When her eyes fell on the bookcase, she paused to examine it. “Especially all these books. It’s impressive, keeping them all grouped by color like this.”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” Miki replied dismissively, but the pride in her tone expressed how well she was taking the compliment. She observed Setsuna’s progress from her place seated primly at her vanity table. “Leaving things out of place just isn’t perfect, you know?”

“But you go above and beyond, and I think that’s amazing.” Setsuna gave her a refreshing smile before leaning down to inspect a set of light blue spines. “This is a series, isn’t it? What’s it about?”

Miki shifted her posture to look around her shoulder. “Black Sparrow? It’s about a high school girl who becomes a detective and uses that name for her alias. I’ve collected them since I was in primary school.”

“Really.” Setsuna straightened up and turned toward her. “It must be good, then. Do you think I could find the first one at the library?”

“One of my best friends can borrow it straight from me,” Miki responded with a wink, and Setsuna’s eyes widened. “I’m not reading it right now, and I trust you to take care of it. I’d love to have someone to talk about it with.”

“If you don’t mind, then.” Feeling a rush of joy both from the designation of best friend and Miki’s encouragement, Setsuna carefully pulled the book from the shelf. It was just the right size to fit in her purse. “I’ll be sure to tell you what I think about it.”

As Setsuna moved to take a seat across from her at her desk, Miki smiled cheerfully. “I can’t wait. You know, it’s gotten much easier to talk to you now. I’m glad you could make time for me today.”

“It’s a relief to hear that,” Setsuna replied, rotating the chair to face Miki directly before sitting down. “Thank you for inviting me. I know last time we were alone wasn’t much fun.”

“It’s been a while, and we needed a chance to try it again. Plus, there’s always more to talk about.”

“Did you have something in mind?”

Miki nodded, then gave her a sly look. “Was there any dating in Labyrinth?”

Setsuna tilted her head. “Dating? No. I’d never even heard of it before coming here.”

“Is there anyone you’ve thought about dating since then?”

“I haven’t thought about it at all. Should I?”

“Why not? It could be a lot of fun with the right person. Hey, if you did, do you think you’d like to go out with boys or someone else?”

Setsuna stared down at the pale floorboards, giving it some serious thought. Dating was spending one-on-one time with someone, touching affectionately and being touched in return. At least, that was what she understood of it so far. “I don’t know for sure, but I’ve never exactly wanted to be alone with one of the boys.”

“Right?” Miki looked thrilled with the answer. “Boys are overrated. I’d rather let them think my brother is my boyfriend than have them ask me out. But some still do…” she added with a sigh.

“Hehe, you’re popular with others too, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but some people find me unapproachable. No one has ever confessed to me that I could see myself with.”

“So you’ve never dated anyone?”

“Hard to believe, right? And you’ve never dated anyone either.”

“That’s right.”

Miki leaned toward her expectantly. “Soooo?”

“So?” Setsuna repeated quizzically.

“Why don’t we fix that and try it together?”

“Try it… together?” she asked with a blink, long having lost the thread of logic tying together this line of questioning.

Standing up, Miki strode over to her and held out her hand. “Today, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Setsuna glanced between her friend’s optimistic face, her hand, and back. Delayed realization dawned on her. “Eh?!”

—————

The sun shone brightly on Clover Town Street that morning, casting moving shadows below the rustling leaves of the line of trees at its center. Miki and Setsuna had strolled through it together before, but this was the first time Miki had laced their fingers together between them. She was in such a good mood that she sometimes swung their hands forward and back a little, and Setsuna continued trying to mentally catch up with this turn of events.

“Are you sure holding hands like this is okay, Miki?” she asked self-consciously, furtively glancing around. They weren’t alone in the district, but no one seemed to look at them for long.

“Hm? Why wouldn’t it be? Girls our age still sometimes hold hands like this as friends. No one’s going to think it’s anything else.”

“Oh… I see. But what if they do? You’re a model; they’d probably think you should be with someone more like you.”

Miki squeezed her hand. “I’m not embarrassed about being with you, Setsuna. In fact, I’m happy to show you off.”

A blush colored Setsuna’s cheeks. Awkwardly, she angled her head away. “Don’t tease me too much today, okay?” That side of Miki was cute, but she was becoming more aware of the fact that her inexperienced heart wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Geez, I’m not always teasing~ Ah, the cinema’s right here.” Lightly tugging on Setsuna’s hand, Miki led her up to an old brick building. Setsuna caught the name of the establishment on the marquee before they passed under it, and there was a detailed listing of films on a rearrangeable sign between two sets of double doors. Miki stopped them there. “Did you give what kind of movie you want to see some thought? New showings will be starting in a few hours.”

Setsuna, looking around at the movie posters instead of the show times, left her gaze on one with an older boy and girl posing with a cat. She knew Miki preferred having some kind of opinion over none, and it gave her a good feeling. “What about “Love Fur Real”?”

Miki laughed, quickly putting her hand over her mouth to quiet more of them. “I thought that pun was awful, but it is funny when you say it so seriously.”

“Um, thanks,” Setsuna replied, not convinced it was something she should be proud of. “Do you want to see it?”

“Of course. I love a good romantic comedy. Let’s come back closer to the time.” Hand in hers, she guided Setsuna back onto the neatly paved path.

“What will we do until then?”

“I have the perfect idea,” Miki announced proudly. “We’ll go clothes shopping.”

“Is there something you need a new outfit for?” Setsuna asked, head tilted.

“No, we’re going shopping for you.”

“Wait, I don’t need anything either—”

“Nonsense. We’re on a date today, and this time, I want to dress up my girlfriend. Is that okay?”

Both Miki’s words and playful expression flustered Setsuna. “I… I guess so…” It wasn’t like she had to buy anything, right? And it would make Miki happy.

It definitely did. “Great. We can start right around here. A store with a style like yours is nearby, and we can branch out into the city afterward.”

Setsuna felt a bit tired suddenly, but she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the special attention. Miki could have chosen anyone at all as her dress-up doll, and Setsuna imagined her eye for fashion would have made them instantly more beautiful. She just hoped Miki could find something on her that this expert would find worth her time.

The first shop was one Setsuna had been to with the Momozonos after joining them with barely more than the clothes on her back. It wasn’t as cutting edge as those further into Yotsuba, but it was within her comfort zone. About halfway through, she realized that was why Miki had chosen it in the first place.

“Aah, you look good in pants and skirts! It’s so hard to decide which is better,” Miki observed fondly, her hands clasped together in front of her. A pink-faced Setsuna was amateurishly turning for her in front of the dressing room, comfortable in the dark and delicately-laced skirt Miki had picked otherwise. It was already clear the compliments were going to make this feel like much more of a new experience than it was.

They left that store empty-handed. Miki had agreed with Setsuna that she didn’t need more of the same filling up her closet. On their way to the train, someone finally did acknowledge the two girls holding hands by waving at Miki. Friendly and composed, Miki used her free hand to wave back as they continued on their way.

“So you really aren’t embarrassed about being with me,” Setsuna said afterward, surprised by how relieving it was that Miki hadn’t moved away from her.

“I told you so. You’re not embarrassed about being with me, are you?”

Setsuna shook her head. “I think… I’m proud, honestly,” she admitted, and Miki’s smile radiated self-confidence.

Surrounded by buildings rising much higher into the sky, their next stop was a store with a clean and functional interior. Miki helped line a dressing room with sporty looks and then had her model the strikingly colorful assortment.

“I never thought about wearing these before, but they’re pretty practical,” Setsuna mused, looking down the length of her polo to the end of her cargo capris.

“They are, and they can be in style, too. If you keep up with the trends, you’ll find out when.” Miki looked her up and down as well. “It’s cute, but the mature look really does suit you best so far. Why don’t we move on?”

The next building Miki led her into was flashier, and the smooth black floor was shiny enough to see their reflections in. As Setsuna was more distracted by it than a lot of the clothes, Miki was the one to fill her arms again and send her on her way. Modeling the dark denim, torn band T-shirt and sleeveless black dress was getting easier, despite how radical the change was getting.

Of course, Miki’s support helped that a lot. “You pull off the cool look so well. If we were a little older, you’d look right at home at a live house.”

“You think so?” Setsuna asked, breathlessly pausing her rotation. The flattery was boosting her confidence, but it was also making her lightheaded.

“I do. Actually, I think mixing a touch of this with your usual clothes once in a while would bring out the best in you.”

“Thank you. But…”

“What?” Miki asked patiently.

“...What’s a live house?”

After Setsuna changed back into her own clothes and they held a short discussion, they agreed Setsuna should take the cropped denim jacket with her. One shopping bag left with them.

Miki was set on one more store she already had in mind, but on the way they passed an ice cream stall that her attention lingered on for a little too long. Noticing her friend’s distracted state, Setsuna tilted her head forward. “Do you want to get ice cream first?”

“Eh?” Miki’s eyes snapped back to her. “Well, if we do, we’re probably not going to want anything at the cinema.”

“That’s fine with me,” Setsuna said with a cheery expression, and once Miki mirrored it, they settled on sitting down with a pair of cones. Both of them managed to be surprised at the vivid swirls of color on display, and that made Setsuna feel more like they were on equal footing. They returned to their usual state of not holding hands for as long as it took them to eat, but resuming it afterward felt natural by then.

She’d never realized how adorable Miki looked when she was enjoying something that much.

The last stop was a boutique cute both inside and out, with a pleasantly pink interior and crowded clothing racks. The frilliest dresses Setsuna had ever seen were on display. They didn’t look childlike, but they were a lot to take in.

“You want me to try on one of these?” Setsuna asked, warily regarding the voluminous skirt of one of the mannequins.

“It’ll be refreshing,” Miki answered, winking at her when she glanced over.

Setsuna sighed. She was no match for this fashion style or her friend’s eagerness. “All right.”

She was promptly dressed up in both black and red dresses, a pastel blue skirt, and a matching frilly blouse. Miki was completely enchanted by the last combination, dreamily holding a hand to her face as Setsuna curtsied for her. “You look just like a doll,” she commented. “I’m too tall to manage that now, but your height is just fine.”

“So… it looks good?” Setsuna sheepishly clasped her hands together behind her. She was more than a little skeptical when she looked into a mirror, but the reflection in Miki’s eyes was always kinder.

“Definitely. I don’t think any of these were really you, though, so we should come back another day if you’d like to buy something. I’m sure we’ll find one that’s right.”

“Haha. I’ll think about it,” Setsuna replied, and she turned away her shy smile to slip back into the dressing room.

On their way back to the train, Setsuna was the one to lead them into one final browse at an accessory store. Filled with other students, the hair decorations and jewelry were impressively affordable. Despite the bustle, the atmosphere was cozy, with abundant sunlight illuminating the glass cases and quirky shelves.

“Did you find something interesting, Setsuna?” Miki asked from over her shoulder after they’d split up for a couple minutes. Setsuna nodded, pointing to a set of thin silver bangle bracelets.

“The gemstone flowers in the center are pretty, and they come in so many colors,” she explained.

A few seconds of mulling it over later, Miki plucked the bangle with the red flower and the bangle with the blue flower from the display. “They’re not expensive, so let’s get them.”

Setsuna blinked at her. “Just like that?”

“If you don’t want to, it’s too late to disagree now. We’ll have matching bracelets, just the two of us, so you can’t forget today.” Miki made for the register before Setsuna could get another word in, but she was happy enough to accept through simple silence. Outside, they each slid on their own bangle and took the other’s hand.

They returned to the cinema with a safe amount of time left before the movie. Miki took care of the tickets and their planned seating; Setsuna paid for their drinks. Never having been inside before, Setsuna kept looking curiously at everything around her, and Miki watched her in amusement.

Once she dropped down into one of the plush red chairs in the dim atmosphere of their theater, Setsuna sank right in. “Wow, I didn’t think about how much we’ve been walking until now,” she remarked quietly, careful to not disturb the clusters of other moviegoers seated around them. Time's gone by so fast.”

“It really has. Are you already tired?” Miki was seated in a more elegant way, but Setsuna could tell she was more relaxed than she let on.

“Not really. I could just use some time off my feet in something this comfortable.”

“Don’t fall asleep during the movie,” Miki teased. “We have to talk all about it when it’s over.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Being so aware of the different nature of the day kept her nerves up just high enough to make sure of that. Her only concern now was the budding disappointment that it would eventually have to end, and whether or not that would prevent her from paying enough attention.

They whispered between themselves until the screening began, and then silent, comfortable darkness took hold for a long time. Whenever Setsuna felt her eyes drifting from the screen, she usually found Miki looking back at her. She sufficiently distracted herself with the cute couple’s misunderstandings and the adorable cat that kept them together, at least.

The lights came on again after the credits. Other attendees began to pick up their things and file out. Miki’s good mood was immediately apparent when the two moved to join them. “Keiko was such a sweet girl. It’s too bad her cooking sense wasn’t as good as her fashion sense.”

“It was nice of Haruto to try to teach her, even if the cat kept causing problems with that.” Setsuna laughed. “Little Yuki was so cute. I would have forgiven her even faster than they did.”

“Remember you said that next time Tarte does something you don’t like.”

“Eh—He’s different. He causes trouble even though we can understand each other, but I’ll do my best.” Setsuna shook her head with a smile, trailing along beside her on the low-lit path out. “This was a fun first movie to see. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m grateful for your company too,” Miki returned. Her gaze caught on a clock on the wall as they passed through the first hallway out. “I still have time before I need to go home. Do you?”

Miki really was giving her the entire day. Setsuna was amazed her friend wasn’t bored with her yet. Definitely not there yet herself, she said, “Yes, I do.”

“Is there anywhere you would like to go before then?”

Honestly, she’d been thinking about the answer to that already. It felt silly to say it, but it was both a place she loved visiting and one she thought might be a perfect end to the night.

Bashfully, Setsuna nodded. “Could we go to the restaurant up on the hill?”

—————

By dusk, they were seated at a table covered with a pale blue cloth. The clinking of silverware around them punctuated the warm murmur of conversations of other customers. Their table was inside under the soft lighting spaced throughout the dining room, but the beautiful sky was visible through the wooden awning over the deck. The place was so welcoming each time Setsuna walked through the door, and yet…

“It’s more expensive than I remembered,” Setsuna said awkwardly. “I didn’t think about it before now, because I was never the one paying for it.”

“Magazines don’t just pay in fun, you know. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t treat you to something nice?”

Miki said it so easily — girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. Setsuna was too stunned by it each time to say anything in return. She was envious of that boldness, but also felt wistful over the possibility that it could be an act at all. With her eyes averted, she said, “You don’t have to go that far just for this…”

She was being awfully spoiled for a pretend date, and it was getting her hopes up.

“Don’t worry. You can pay me back just by enjoying it.”

Miki’s sincere smile was enough to ease anyone’s worries for a little while, and Setsuna nodded. “Okay.”

They discussed previous times they’d been at the restaurant once that was settled, both revealing it was with their families. “I’ve never been here without my mother before,” Miki admitted, looking around as if seeing the establishment in a new light. “It feels so mature. Coming here was a nice idea.”

“I’m glad you think so. I’ve only come here on the Momozono Monthly Eating Out Day, so it’s the same for me.”

“It’s sweet that your family has something like that. It’s never planned that far ahead for us.”

“I think it’s sweet, too.” She couldn’t take credit for starting it, but she could allow herself to be just a little proud of it.

They ended up on a tangent that led to a conversation on their separate schools, and their food came not long into it. It looked and tasted as delicious as usual, and Miki’s enraptured expression after the first bite of her pasta dish was one more adorable thing to add to the list. Setsuna was sure she made something like it when she tried her own, because she could hear Miki giggle from behind her contentedly closed eyes.

She still had room for cake once she cleaned her plate, but only barely. Miki suggested sharing a slice to avoid either of them being too stuffed to walk home, and Setsuna was quick to accept. The rich chocolate dessert melted in her mouth, and she couldn’t think of many more moments she’d felt happier.

Miki paid as promised. It was fully nighttime when they stepped out, leaving only the row of lamps guiding them along the path down the hill to illuminate their stroll. Setsuna had been the one to take Miki’s hand this time, and Miki readily accepted.

Before long, Miki’s arm snuggled up against hers. “It’s gotten chilly out since this afternoon. I suppose it is that time of year.”

Setsuna took a moment to look over Miki’s outfit and see the problem: she had long sleeves, but only a thin scarf around her neck. Of course she would be cold. “Just a second,” she replied, letting go of Miki’s hand and stepping back. She set the shopping bag and her purse down long enough to take off her navy blue blazer and hand it over.

Curiously, Miki took it in hand and blinked. “Setsuna?”

“Go ahead and wear that. I’m not cold at all,” Setsuna explained.

After staring at her a little longer, Miki laughed and rearranged her things to do as she was told. “You could have just given me the jacket you bought today. Now you should put that one on before you do start to feel the chill.”

“Oh, you’re right.” Setsuna returned the laugh nervously and reached for the shopping bag. The denim jacket went on smoothly. She then picked up her things and resumed the walk, feeling Miki take her hand a second later. Setsuna was still kind of embarrassed, but she managed to look over anyway.

For the first time, Miki had a satisfied blush on her face. “...But thank you. It feels more special this way.”

“N-No problem.” Hastily, Setsuna turned her head away. Looking out over the green hill to the wide expanse of Yotsuba, it occurred to her again that their “date” was almost over. She exhaled with the predicted disappointment, unable to find the words to express it instead.

“I had a great time today,” Miki said. “You must have tried pretty hard to understand me since then.”

“I did. You’re my friend just like the others, so I didn’t want things to be awkward forever. And you’ve gotten more patient with me, haven’t you?”

“Was I that obvious?” It was a time Setsuna could picture her playfully sticking out her tongue. “I wanted to become a nicer person, and I wanted to understand you better. You were an important friend to me.”

“Were?” Setsuna repeated.

“Er, well…” As Miki trailed off, she stopped walking. Setsuna paused with her, bringing her gaze back to the other’s conflicted expression. Their clasped fingers kept them connected. “I said it was just for today, but I realized I don’t want it to end here. If you don’t either, I’d like to be your real girlfriend.”

Setsuna froze for as long as it took to process what Miki said. Undeniably genuine this time, girlfriend struck her heart with a tender ache. She wasn’t sure whether she or Miki had the reddest complexion. “Do you mean that?”

Of course she did, but Setsuna wanted the reassurance.

“I do. Could we say today was a real date after all?”

“Yes,” Setsuna replied, a hopeful smile blooming. She stepped back toward Miki, closing the suddenly unnecessary distance. “If you’ll have me, I’d be happy to.”

Miki, too pretty under the lamp overhead, drew another few centimeters closer. Even if they weren’t the only two this far on the path, it would have been impossible to spare any thoughts for someone else. “Do you know what people on a date do now, Setsuna?”

She did. She knew even before today, but the movie’s touching end was still fresh in her mind. It was difficult to believe she could achieve the same happy ending even as she prepared herself for it. “Mm hm,” she answered softly, eyes half closed.

Releasing Setsuna’s hand, both of Miki’s rose to her shoulders instead. She only had the shortest space left to shut her eyes and lean in before her lips pressed against Setsuna’s in a brief, sweet kiss.

When Miki pulled back, Setsuna’s erratic heartbeat continued hammering away in her chest. Miki looked affected as well, but she quickly, outwardly, recovered. “Now, let’s get home before our parents worry too much,” she said confidently, winking at Setsuna as she took her hand one last time. She restarted their progress down the hill, now at a pace where neither was dragging their feet.

One more treasured memory for Setsuna to keep in her heart, their long day together gradually came to a close.

[thepancakeboi]

124. “You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?”

When I had walked into one of the many cafes in Shibuya for lunch, I had not expected the visit to be anything noteworthy. I was going to get something quick to eat and leave just as quickly. That is until I looked around the place. It’s never been a very crowded cafe, even at its busiest. It’s one of the hidden little gems Ann had shown me a few months ago that I’ve started frequenting somewhat regularly. But, at one of the tables closest to me, I see Ann herself sitting with someone. The other person, probably a friend of Ann’s, is unfamiliar to me. I decide to approach them, greeting them as I say, “Hello, Ann.”

Ann’s face lights up as she replies, “Oh, hey Goro!”

It’s days like these when I’m glad I have her as a friend. She was the first of Ren’s friends to accept me for who I am. Once she found out that I did, in fact, have a sweet tooth despite saying otherwise, she constantly dragged me with her to have whatever dessert she fancied that day. I’ve grown to genuinely enjoy her company. Even if I already know the answer, I ask, “What are you doing here?”

“We’re gonna get some cake! Can you believe she hasn’t had the cake here? If I had known you weren’t busy, I would’ve asked you to come too!”

“That’s all right.” I turn my head to look at the person Ann’s with. She has short black hair that fluffs out a bit. The rest of her face is obscured, her head turned as if to avoid making eye contact with me. Compared to Ann’s vibrant outfit, this girl’s is much more subdued. Even so, her long-sleeved gray top that exposes her shoulders and the black skirt seem to suit her, for some reason. I wonder why I haven’t met this girl until now. I look back to Ann as I remark, “I don’t think you’ve introduced me to your friend. What’s her name?”

“Ah! The name. Um...it’s Akira! Akira Kurusu.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet, Kurusu-san. You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?” The girl only shakes her head in response, not even looking up at me. Her reticent attitude gives me pause. I didn’t mean to offend her. “My apologies. Did I say something wrong?”

“No no! Sit down,” Ann says reassuringly. I sit down in a chair between the two girls as Ann stammers, trying to explain Akira’s behavior. “Uh, it’s just...that...she...she’s a huge fan of yours! Yeah. And we didn’t think we’d be seeing you.” She laughs awkwardly as she finishes, twirling a lock of hair in her fingers.

“Oh? I’m honored,” I reply, pulling out my typical TV-perfect smile that’s as fake as the personality it belongs to. Even if Ann knows that I’m very much unlike my detective prince facade, Akira likely doesn’t know that. I figure it’s best to keep up that pretense around her. “Most people seemed to forget my name after the Phantom Thieves incident ended. So, how do you two know each other?”

“I, uh, met her at one of my photoshoots! She’s wanted to be a model for a loooong time.”

“A model? I’m certain you’ll do well in the industry. You have the looks befitting a model.” Akira still doesn’t look at me, her gaze glued to her hands in her lap. Her nails are painted black, and I think I can see her blushing? Or perhaps it’s makeup. Either is possible, all things considered. She is rather flat-chested for a model, but there is nothing wrong with th-okay, why am I even noticing this? I really hope she didn’t catch me looking. After a few seconds of silence, I turn to Ann, who didn’t seem to notice my earlier gaze. My voice is hushed as I gently ask, “Are you sure she’s okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s really shy at first.” Ann doesn’t seem too surprised at her friend’s behavior. Maybe it’s normal for Akira. Ann seems to remember something as she quickly adds, “But she does talk about you a lot!”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm! I don’t think she’d be able to stop talking about you. She goes on and on about how great you are.”

The laugh I give, while mostly fake, is a somewhat genuine one. “Surely, you exaggerate.”

“Nope. We went to get crepes, and once she found out you were my friend, she talked about you the whole time.”

“I see. Well, a friend of Ann’s is a friend of mine,” I say, looking over at Akira. She’s still staring at her hands as she fiddles nervously with the chain attached to her skirt. Hold on, why am I still noticing these little details? That thought gets shoved aside. Right now, I need to find out what exactly is making Akira act so quiet around me. Is she perhaps intimidated due to my former popularity? If that’s what the problem is, I need to try and get her to open up to me somehow, get her to see that I’m not as unapproachable as she thinks. Well, not unapproachable due to being the detective prince, that is. I doubt someone like her would be comfortable around my true self. “It’s all right. You don’t have to be shy around me. You and Ann are probably much more popular than me.”

“Oh, don’t say that! You’re the second detective prince. Even she knew about you after being in Tokyo for only a couple of months.”

“You’re not from here?” Akira shakes her head, starting to play with the chain hanging off her black choker. I can’t see much of her face, but I think I see a smile starting to form. At least she seems to be more at ease, even if she hasn’t said a word thus far. “Are you enjoying Tokyo so far?” A nod this time. “How long have you lived here? Or are you just visiting?”

“She’s been here for about two years now,” Ann says for Akira. “Likes it so much better than home.”

“In that case, perhaps I know the area where you’re living? I’ve been to a lot of places in Tokyo.” As I finish my comment, Akira’s chest starts to heave. Is she...laughing? What a strange girl. It’s clear she’s trying to hold her laughter in as if she doesn’t want anyone to hear it. I don’t understand. What’s so funny about what I just said? “Kurusu-san? Are you all right?”

Akira finally looks up at me with brilliant gray eyes accentuated by a lot of makeup: eyeliner, pink eyeshadow, and even a little black heart under her left eye. Her gaze is sharp, and it feels like she’s staring right into my soul. It almost reminds me of- Wait a minute. I get a closer look at the person sitting next to me. I recognize those eyes. My own eyes narrow instantly as I drop the detective prince act entirely.

“You.”

“Akira” gives me a lopsided smile, their identity finally revealed to me. I know exactly who this person is. “Hi, Akeppi~” the “girl” who is none other than my boyfriend, Ren Amamiya, says before quickly kissing me. His lips, I notice, are covered with lipstick, and the blush I had noticed earlier was indeed a lot of makeup. Now that I know exactly who this is, I understand why I was so drawn to the mysterious person next to me. I allow myself to notice that he’s wearing black thigh highs over fishnet tights. Well, I suppose this being Ren explains the flat-chestedness observation from earlier. “Are you enjoying yourself, staring at me?”

My eyes dart up upon hearing his question, seeing the devious look in his eyes. Damn it, did he notice earlier then...? I groan, “Shut up. Just...explain. Now.”

“We didn’t mean to trick you!” Ann says, trying not to giggle now that the charade is done. “I just wanted to see if Ren could pass off as a girl, and he let me dress him up.”

“It must’ve worked if even Akeppi didn’t notice,” Ren says as he scoots his chair closer so that he can hug me. So much for that reserved personality from before. “You should’ve seen the look on your face when you realized it was me.”

“You are a menace,” I snap, trying to pry his arms off of me with no success.

“Yup! But I’m your menace.”

“Damn you both.”

Ann and Ren both laugh at that. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been trying to hold it in during the entire conversation. How they made it so long without laughing, I have no idea. Despite how annoyed I am that I fell for their spur-of-the-moment prank, I can’t help but join in, chuckling under my breath. Their laughter is infectious. Well, at least they’re enjoying themselves.

“This was fun, Ann,” Ren comments after he’s had his fill of laughing at my expense. “We should do this again.”

“For sure!” she replies. “We could try another style and see how it looks.”

“Wait, I have an idea. You should do Akeppi next time,” Ren suggests, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh, that would be amazing!” Ann immediately looks at me, her excitement at the prospect all too obvious. “Can I? Please?”

“Not a chance,” I snap, refusing to entertain this latest scheme of theirs. “Ren may have agreed to it, but I’m not Ren.”

“Come on, please?” Ann looks at me, doe-eyed, pleading with me to allow her request. “At least let me do your hair and paint your nails.”

“Fine,” I groan. I can put up with that much, I suppose. They both grin simultaneously, sharing a quick glance. Something tells me I should be concerned about what they’re plotting, but I can deal with that later. “So, are you both actually planning on having cake, or was that as much a lie as Ren being a girl named Akira Kurusu?”

“Oh, yeah! That was true. Do you want some too, Goro?”

“I don’t think I’ll have much of a choice, considering someone probably won’t let go of me.” I pointedly look at Ren as I say this, who is still hugging me, might I add.

“No~” he hums as he tightens his hold, confirming that much for me.

“Well, in that case, I suppose I’ll have some cake. If it’s as delicious as it was last time, then I look forward to it.”

We talk for a while longer while eating cake, Ann having more than enough pieces for the both of us. How she can eat so many sweets with no problem, I have no idea. Eventually, we part ways with Ann, Ren holding onto me the entire way home like a cute, clingy girlfriend head-over-heels in love with me. That is a mental image I never thought I would apply to my own life. I can’t help but affectionately ruffle Ren’s hair, the action earning me a jubilant grin. I truly am blessed to have both Ren and Ann in my life.

Prompt source