#straight up crack

[flamingpudding]

DPxDC Family Week June 24 (Day 7)

Prompts: Distant Relatives | Engrave

A/N: This is what I believe some would call straight up crack :D

AO3 Link: DPxDC Family Week Contributions

How do you tell your great great great great great (how many greats do you add when the child is the x-generation after about… how many years again? Danny had lost count) grand nephew that the ghost king, he just summoned, with an old family heirloom is his granduncle of many generations?

"Batman. Why does the pendant you gave me summon the fucking Ghost King?" Danny heard a familiar man in a trench coat say next to his nephew (he decided he needed to keep it simple there were too many greats to count)

The batman grunted glaring at the man, Danny blinked finally recognising the guy.

"Aren't you the guy who sold like a tenth of your soul to Ellie's spouse? I am sure I also heard Lucifer complaining that Mammon got more parts of your soul than he has." Danny mused as he looked down at them in his eldritch form. Noting how his nephew tensed as he got past that pathetic wall of protection.

Honestly all the protective engravings he had gifted his nephew and nieces through out generations were a hundred times better. How else would a place like Gotham survive on only Lady Gotham as spiritual protection from ghosts of the Ghost Zone and his former rogues that still liked to mess with his children, nephews and nieces? At least Jazz's branch of the family was safe from them this way. He had baby proofed the entire town or better every town a part of his branch family lived in.

"So, trading game, why did you summon me?" He would have liked to stay hidden, you know? The branch family had long forgotten their relation to the Ghost King and Danny had easily accepted that. His own child of chaos had not so much and preferred to play with the earth family branch but that's besides the point. They had used the pendant to summon him, with his own personal engraving. Did that mean they remembered or did his son let something slip to his cousin?

"Trading game." Someone snorted and for the first time since he got summoned Danny noticed the audience around him. His eldritch form did the equivalent to stunt blinking as he straightened up and took count of the children of his nephew. Baby Ghost, Baby Menace, Baby Stalker and Baby Stabby were there.

A gasp left his lips. A Baby Ghost was sick! In a puff of greenish smoke his eldritch form was dismissed and he changed to his favorite 20 years old Phantom form, rushing past his nephew and trading game.

"You poor baby! I didn't realize you were this sick! If I had known I would have done something way sooner!" He fretted as he inspected one of his nephew's babies, hovering around the boy poking and prodding the little guy, well little to him anyway.

"Who are you calling a baby?! Get your fucking hands of me!" Danny only hummed, patting the baby's head, only a little sad that he couldn't look at his face as Baby Ghost was wearing his favorite red explosive helmet and was on duty.

But on second thought seeing their cute little uniforms live was way better than when he had watched them through his ice mirrors. "Don't worry little Red Hood. You will be feeling a whole lot better soon. Your Uncle Danny will make sure of it."

"The fuck?" The sick baby probably looked at Danny like he had gone insane and the ghost king could only laugh. Good had it been long since he interacted with the earth branch family let alone humans. Maybe he should start accompanying his youngest to his visits to earth.

"Constantine! I thought the sigils were supposed to contain him!" He heard his nephew grunt and Danny grinned over his shoulder at them.

"My little nephew. I granted you way better engravings than this pathetic wall of protection." As if to prove a point he flew around the babies, stopping by the youngest and pulling his sword from him. There were gasps of shock as well as complaints and he couldn't help the laugh as little Baby Stabby tried to lunge at him but got held back by the eldest Baby Menace. He just held the sword towards his nephew and trading game as he held his palm against it and let his power flow. Soon the sigils he had placed on the sword as a homecoming present to the youngest baby, when he started living with his nephew, started to appear, glowing and shining.

"You… you engraved your sigils on things the bats own?!" Disbelieve clearly coloring the trench coats' voice as the man paled. His nephew appeared to be close to start brooding like he had seen him do a couple of times through the ice mirrors. Danny returned the sword, huffing amused how little Robin instantly inspected the sword again, the engravings no longer visible.

"Of course I did. I promised my sister a long time ago that I would always protect her children. Though the engravings were certainly hard to hide from one of your babies."

"Sister? Babies?" Baby Stalker aka Red Robin aka little Tim asked and Danny coed. This baby always reminded him of his best friend Tucker and he was glad to have a technology adept child in the family again.

"Yes your great great great uh…" he stopped thinking how many greats he needed to add and ended up sighing compromising with: "...your grandmother many generations ago."

"How many of our things did you engrave?" His nephew finally grunted out, trench coat guy definitely looking like he was having an aneurysm by now.

"Don't remember, decorations, jewelry, toys, weapons, I think I even engraved your belt buckle." The ghost king shrugged, he honestly didn't. Ellie liked to joke that he was way too protective of the earth branch with the amount of protective engravings and sigils he had put up for them without them even knowing. She was still a little cross with them when they started forgetting about their ghostly part of the family after Jazz died.

There was a distinctive frustrated sigh and for a second Danny did feel bad for his nephew. Maybe he should not have just simply spewed everything but he couldn't hold himself back when he saw the sick baby. He was protective of his family, sue him. At least he hadn't given any of his nephews potential mates a shovel talk yet, not like he had with Ellie's spouse anyway. Jazz had banned him from using Fright Knight's Soul Shredder on humans after he had mentally scared and traumatized her first boyfriend with it. Apparently the guy had been too weak to handle it and lay sick in bed for a while after his return from the nightmare realm.

That reminded him! Turning around he flew up to the sick baby again who flinched back from his touch. He ignored that and only made a calming thrilling noise, calling out to the baby's sick core.

"Get the fuck away-"

Poor baby must be suffering badly from uncontrolled anger and ghostly intermittent explosive disorder. No wonder he hadn't developed any of his powers yet. That Disorder tended to be violent, especially the ghostly kind. Carefully letting his power wash over the baby, Danny coaxed out the little underdeveloped core. Usually he would make sure to do these kinds of things for any of his children, nieces and nephews in a safe environment but this was an exception. It was a sick baby core that would receive long lasting damage if not treated.

Gasp resounded as the tiny core came out of the baby's chest, not wasting any time Danny refresh the ectoplasm in it and removed the corrupted one. He then sent the core back into the baby's chest patting him where it sunk back into the body.

"There you go! Should be all good now!" A second after he said it Danny blinked at all the weapons that were pointed at him. He flinched a little as Baby Menace let electricity spark near him.

"WAIT THAT IS THE GHOST KING YOU IDIOTS!" Trading game screamed, apparently finally waking up from whatever stupor he had been in.

"So? He did something to Todd. Who knows what that was." Danny cooed, he knew Baby Stabby cared, his own youngest was similar in that way, just more chaotic in his display of affection, which also earned him his title. Little Damian was also the most intune with ghostly etiquette next to Baby Ghost, considering the reason for the nickname Danny gave him.

"And he can destroy entire dimensions! Do you guys want to doom us all?!" Trench coat countered very much insistent that the babies pull back their weapons.

Danny in return only huffed in annoyance and rolled his eyes. Like he would destroy the home of the earth branch. That man was talking rather rudely to them and he was also stopping him from bonding with his nephews' babies. "Buzz of trading game. This is a family matter and if the babies want to bond then we will bond."

After a moment of consideration he added. "Also don't talk to them like that. They are royalty and I will not have you disrespect them."

With a wave of his hand a green portal opened below the man swallowing him. Being nice Danny decided to drop the man off in his own home. He was the one that taught his nephew how to use the pendant again after all. But he wanted to be left alone with his family. Before his nephew or the babies could panic he smiled brightly and said. "Don't worry I sent him home to his house of mysteries or whatever he calls it. So we can have some family time! Besides, my In-law wouldn't be happy if I harmed his contract even if his soul is a trading game among the demons…"

They all shared a look and seemed to take the ghost king's words for it. Especially as litte Jason finally got out of his shock, patting at his own chest and mentioning that he indeed did feel better. Saying that there was no Pit Madness in his mind anymore, huh so that's what the Disorder got called on earth.

They instantly questioned Danny of what he did to which their ghostly uncle only smiled at the once sick baby without answering. He would have Frostbite to take a second look soon though, just to be safe.

"You mentioned us to be royalty?" The gruff voice his nephew put on when on duty resounded and a warm smile spread across the ghost kings face to the wonder of the bat-clan present.

"I thought that information got passed down through all the generations like the summoning pendant." The ghost king tilted his head. "You do know your part of the Infinite Realms Royalty right?"

"We… are royalty? For real?" One of the babies slowly asked and Danny grinned at them.

"Of course you are. In fact, the little Baby Ghost here-" He flew up to Jason, the once sick baby and placed his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Is the fifth in line should neither my children, nore Ellie or her children want to take over the throne when I don't want it anymore and don't feel like bothering on waiting for someone to beat me in a succession battle."

"Red Hood is? Shouldn't it be like Batman or Robin?" Little Tim asked and Danny sadly shook his head.

"By earth standards, sure. Not by Ghost Zone standards though. They don't have a core, it would be different if they develop a core after death but right now? It's baby Hood here who is in line."

"So… to sum it up." The oldest baby started packing his weapons away and Danny felt just a little bit disappointed but the youngest had his sword out. So maybe a bit of bonding would still happen now that the earth branche knew about their relationship again.

"B is a descendant of your sister which makes him royalty and in turn all his children, blood and adopted equally? And Red Hood is even in line for the throne of another dimension because he has, what you call a core?"

"Yup." Danny popped the 'p', he was about to explain more considering his nephew had adopted quite the stoic look and the babies did appear to become slowly a little too overwhelmed. When a red portal opened and his own son decided to join the family reunion.

"Dad! What is taking you so long? Aunt Ellie is sending me to fetch you cause she thinks you're skipping your meeting with the observants again!"

"KLARION?!" Baby Stalker shouted and Danny blinked. Oh right, his own baby boy liked to bond with his cousin's babies. When was the last time his baby boy visited earth? Oh the babies were taking on fighting stances. How sweet of them! Even his nephew was tensing up and looked ready to fight.

"Baby Spook, are you here to bond with your cousin's again?" Sue him, he couldn't help the excitement. His little chaos was the most interested in playing with his earth branch family compared to everyone else in the ghost branch, including Ellie's children. They liked to mess with entire dimensions though and nearly caused at least three wars in the last ten years. They had also inherited Ellie's ire in regards to the earth branch forgetting their existence. That's why his youngest son had taken it upon himself to teach and bond with the little ones here.

"Bond?" Little Tim questioned while his son sighed.

"Beings of the Infinite Realms bond via fighting. How else are we going to teach babies how to protect themselves and become stronger?" The Lord of Chaos explained in exasperation like he was talking to a toddler. Considering their age differences he kind of was, Danny mused.

"Hold on, does that mean all the times you spent attacking was…?"

"Me bonding with you babies, yes. My siblings as well as older cousins aren't interested so of course that leaves me, the heir and superior cousin, to take care of our earth bound family."

"Even when you messed with the watchtower?"

Klarion arched an eyebrow at Batman. "Just because you are the oldest among the earthly doesn't mean you're any less of a toddler."

"Klarion." Danny warned, his cousins might be babies by ghost terms but that didn't mean he could act all arrogantly with them. Danny might have spoiled the boy since he was his youngest child but he surely had raised him better than that.

"No bonding today, Dad, you do have a meeting scheduled." A sigh left his lips, he guessed it was time to return. The disappointment must have been written all over the ghost king's face as his son huffed in amusement. "Maybe next time, Dad. You can come alone… if you get away from the observants."

"Alright, alright." Agreeing, Danny flew over to the summoning cycle and picked up the pentant before floating to his nephew.

The boy took a step back from him but Danny just smiled and continued forward, placing the pendant around Batman's neck. "My calling card, little nephew. We don't exactly have phones in the Infinite Realms. So use that to call me any time, though now that you guys got reminded about your relation to me I will make sure to come visit more often and not just watch and protect you from the other side."

"See you later Amadillos"

"Bye Bye Baby Bats!"

With that he didn't leave his nephew and the babies time to respond as he opened a portal and he and his son returned to the Infinite Realms, where an angry Ellie was waiting for him. Oh boy…

Meanwhile the bat clan exchanged looks slowly digesting the information dump that had just happened. They had just wanted to have Constantine check on the engraving they had on a family heirloom that happened to be similar to one that was found on an ancient egyptian summon plate and had caused some rather dangerous events.

Who would have thought that the Ghost King himself would tell them that they were apparently related and royalty in another dimension?

"I am so going to rub it in Roy's face that I am Royalty." Red Hood broke the silence.

"I always knew I was of royal descent." Robin added holding himself even prouder than before.

"Am i the only one losing my shit here that B and Robin are apparently blood related to Klarion? Also… just a warning I am going to start digging into the Family tree now." Red Robin informed with a glint in his eyes hidden behind his mask. He was definitely not asking for permission to do so.

"The Ghost King kept calling us babies though." Nightwing sounded amused, watching at how his brothers were taking the news and wondered how the rest of the family would react.

While Batman on the other hand was brooding and appeared to be severely constipated, probably thinking of all the worst case scenarios and most likely trying to figure if he needed a contingency plan for their newly discovered interdimensional family or not.

John Constantine on the other hand awoke back in his home and let out a long and suffering groan with the new knowledge he gained. Apparently the ghost king's in-law had a contract with him and now he also couldn't even be rude to the bats anymore because they were royalty and he would be screwed and potentially risk his entire existence should the Ghost King take offense. He was fucked the next time he had to deal with the bat-clan again.

[im-tops-bottom]

D-Day of 21'

"Hyung why can't we talk about D-day of 21?" I just wanna know what it is.

"Yeah how come we're the only ones who doesn't know?"

"I would rather be in your place right now"

"I'm jealous of you"

"okay kids gather around, it's story time"

"ugh does the old man really have to do this?"

"yes otherwise those two will be on our cases til they wear us down"

"airfryer 180° for 20 minutes each"

"we are not going to cook them and please don't bring your Hyunjin sized air fryer into the dorms"

"boooo boring"

"Hyung do we really have to sit through this"

"if we just relive it one more time then we can put it behind us"

"or you can just tell Hyunjin and Changbin the story without us"

"yeah but where would the fun in that be?"

"you're a cruel leader. We need to expose you. This goes against the Geneva convention"

"sit down before I make"

"ugh fine"

"Good now let me tell you the story of how a Quokka and Chick came out of the forest completely naked after being saved by their nice lovely leader"

Everyone but Chan, Hyunjin and Changbin groan loudly. Hyunjin and Changbin are excited to hear the story. Chan is just excited to share it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chan groans as he's been woken up by a body jumping on him.

"HYUNG HYUNG WAKE UP! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY"

Chan rolls on to his back noting in his head to ask Felix to give it a massage later.

"Happy birthday Quokka. Where's your birthday twin? He's usually here helping you wake me up"

"first of all it's not helping if I have to wake him up to help me only for him to come crawling into your bed and cuddling you back to sleep. Then when you finally do wake up, he's gotta be rewoken up"

"okay that is true. But where is he?"

"I told everyone I wanted to start my day with a game of hide n seek so he said he needed to prepare by doing yoga for his back"

"fair enough. Give me a moment to wake up properly and shower. Then I'll get ready"

"Thanks Channie. Oh and by the way breakfast is gonna be ready soon"

"Thank you baby"

...

After getting ready and eating breakfast, Chan washes the dishes, puts his shoes on, gathers everyone around, counting them to make sure they are all there and then laying down some rules. Some much needed rules after the whole Street Fair debacle.

"Okay everyone, grab your partner, stick with them at all times and keep your phones on"

"Hyung why are we pairing Hannie and Lixie hyungs up? They're just as terrible as each other"

Before Chan can say anything Minho steps in.

"Chan if you wanna keep an eye on those then I'll go with Jinnie and Binnie, someone's gotta keep Binnies lips warm"

"YAH! You're a menace to society and you should go with the maknaes because maknaes"

"no thank you. We actually keep an eye on our surroundings and know all the best hiding spots. We don't want anyone ruining them."

"Hey you found most of them because of me"

"Yes yes yes all hail the great Bbokari, Felix"

"thank you"

"great. Glad we got that settled. Now let's head down to the park by the forest."

Everyone cheered as they walked outside and made their way down to the park. They were contemplating on asking their manager to drive them but since they had a week off, they decided he needed a week off too.

As they got to the park they got into their buddy system and started the first round of hide n seek with HyungBin counting first. Vocalracha had reluctantly accepted Minho as Changbin begged them to take the hyung. In exchange for saving his lips and butt, he has to buy them food for the rest of the month. Thank god it's only the 14th.

Chan was dragged by Han and Felix into the forest since it'll be easier to hide there and the other 3 had gone to hide on the playground in their animal forms.

"hey I see a hole up in that tree. Maybe we can hide up there in it"

"That sounds like a great idea Hannie"

"that's good and all but I'm a wolf. A big wolf might I add. I'm definitely not gonna make it up there"

"oh hmmm we can hide some where else"

Not one to make the sad quokka even sadder Chan hatched up a plan.

"okay how about this, you two hide in tha thole up there and I'll climb that big tree over there. It's got plenty of branches and leaves so I can even hide up there in human form"

Chan smiles as he sees the excited smiles on their faces at the thought of what they're about to do.

"okay let's do this"

Han quickly changes into Quokka and climbs the tree immediately waiting by the hole in the tree trunk

Felix changes into his baby chick form and waddles to the tree. He tries to climb it but realizes several things. He has wings and a break. He can't fly. And he most certain cannot climb the tree in this form.

Chan swoons at his cuteness and puts his hand on the ground.

"Hey Lixie here, hope on my hand. I'll give you a boost up there"

Felix chirps as he does exactly that. He gets a ride on to Chans shoulder as Chan walks up to the tree.

"Hold on tight baby"

Felix is confused at first but yelps and scrambles to claw and bite into Chan's shirt as Chan climbs the tree.

'Sorry Hyung. That startled me'

"it's okay baby. I should have prepared you for it at first"

Chan climbs the few branches til he reaches the one that Han is waiting on. He helps Felix get on to the branch.

"okay you, remember ... I am 3 trees down. If anything happens you two either call out for me or run to me, got it?"

Han and Felix immediately nod. Chan quickly helps Felix who almost dropped off the branch because he nodded to fast.

"Lord help me. Love you two"

'Love you too' can be heard from the two small critters on the branch.

Chan drops down, grabs Han and Felix's clothes that drop when they changed forms and heads over to the big tree. Making sure to look back until he sees Han and Felix enter the hole.

He gets to the big tree and climbs til he's at the biggest brach and decides to transform into his wolf form and lay on it like a cat. It's covered in alot of leaves so he prays it'll help hide him.

After a quick snooze he hears sounds and whines. He looks around and can't see anything. Thinking that it's coming from his tree neighbors, he hops down from the branch, makes sure all their clothes are where he left them and makes his way towards the tree buddies.

He would transform back into a human but he wanted to be ready for any kind of threat.

He was prepared for just about anything. Anything that wasn't what he was witnessing right now.

In front of him a chick plops out of a hole at the bottom of the tree, covered in dirt and all sorts of stuff. After him a quokka plops out of the tree looking the same.

'Are you two alright'

The two jolt and quickly look up. They see their Hyung and immediately run.

Chan looks at them in confusion as they transform into their human forms and run buck naked screaming for their lives.

It's not until he hears sounds coming from the tree again that he turns his head back and sees a bunch of very angry squirrels who start throwing acorns and nuts at him.

'what the F-ouch!'

He gets pelted by them and runs after the other two screaming. Forgetting the clothes.

As he makes his way through the clearing and to the park, he sees a scared Han and Felix explaining to a shocked Minho, Seungming and Jeongin about what happened.

He sees them all turn their heads and he comes racing out of the forest.

"RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES. THERES ANGRY SQUIRRELS!"

All the group sees is an army of squirrels throwing nuts and acorns. They all start running and screaming in terror.

Everyone forgetting their clothes and something else they just couldn't put their minds to because they were beyong terrified at what's happening.

They managed to make their way towards their dorm and hide out.

After checking and rechecking the perimeters, they finally manage to calm down. Not a single squirrel in sight.

They sit in the living room asking Han and Felix what had happened.

"Well after we went into the hole, we realized it was a home and that there were nuts stored there. I got a bit hungry and ate it all."

"When he had finished eating, we were joking about how we can move into the tree outside the dorms and start our own little family"

"but it caused us to think how would a quokka and chicken make a baby so we scrapped the idea."

"we got bored of waiting and was about to head out to look for Channie hyung til we heard sounds"

"we looked up to the entry of the hole and saw a bunch of squirrels so I decided to talk to them"

"turns out we slept in their home and ate the food they stored"

"they got angry at that and chased us out. They started throwing nuts at us and Felix tried to fight them"

"They didn't teach us how to fight in a chick form against squirrels in black belt training"

"I had to grab him and push him down towards the hole we found when we got in there."

"and that's when we saw Chan and fled the crime scene"

"Oh shit"

"Guy's I just realized we're all naked"

Everyone turns to each other and looks at each other shocked.

Chan's phone starts ringing and he gulps as he sees JYP's name pop up on his screen.

"Guys we forgot our clothes"

Chan answers the phone and winces as he hears JYP yelling.

"WHY AM I GETTING CALLS FROM NEWS COMPANIES AND YOUR MANAGER TALKING ABOUT 6 NAKED MEMBERS OF STRAY KIDS RUNNING THROUGH A PARK AND DOWN THE STREETS TOWARDS THEIR HOME? YOU GUYS ARE LUCKY NO KIDS OR TEENS WERE OUT AT THE TIME. JUST ADULTS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS"

"I-.."

"NO DON'T 'I' ME BAHNG CHRISTOPHER CHAHN. I WANT YOU 6 HERE RIGHT NOW. I'M GLAD IT WASN'T ALL 8 OF YOU"

Chan gasps and looks horrified

"Guys we forgot about Hyunjin and Changbin"

"I'M SORRY YOU DID WHAT!?!"

Chan winces once again.

"Sorry sir. We'll grab Hyunjin and Changbin, tell them we have a meeting and they can go do whatever they want."

"See you boys soon"

The call ends and a flustered Chan stares at a wall to mentally prepare himself for the rest of the day.

"What did he say Hyung?"

"All 6 of us have a meeting with him. I'll text our manager to come pick us up. Then I'll text Hyunjin and Changbin they can do whatever they want and I'll shout them and us lunch later on.

After messaging everyone, and making their way to the JYPe building, they spend the next hour getting scolded by everyone there and apologizing profusely about it. They ended up signing some papers, had SKZ's holiday extended until everything dies down and are banned from the building until their holiday is up. Thankfully it was only extended for an 2 weeks and then they'll have another meeting for updates on everything.

After apologizing a few more times and thanking the higher ups , they make their way towards the van to be driven home where they plan to meet up with Changbin and Hyunjin who went out to a museum.

"Hyung should we tell Jinnie and Binnie hyungs?"

"Hell no. They'll take the piss out of all of us for that."

"if they haven't heard the rumours now before the company makes sure no news outlets turned this into the next big thing then they can keep it that way"

"I wanna forget everything that happened"

"This is so embarrassing"

Felix who had been in tears since the incident occured and hadn't stopped crying til they got to the car, looks around at everyone.

"let's make a pact to never mention this ever again. We'll go home, try and see if Changbin and Hyunjin had heard anything, go about our day, have a nice lunch, and celebrate the rest of Hannies birthday. By tomorrow we forget everything that happened."

Everyone nods and brings their hands into the middle shaking on it.

"Good. Now let's go have some fun and take our minds of things"

"maybe we can go pick up our clothes from the park and forest as well"

After grabbing their clothes from the park and forest they make their way home.

Changbin and Hyunjin were there waiting for them to arrive.

"Hey how did the meeting go"

"why weren't we needed for the meeting?"

"oh there was something that required uhm"

Chan was having a hard time coming up with an explanation so Felix quickly shouted

"I'M MAKING SOME BROWNIES AND COOKIES WHO WANTS SOME?"

Everyone cheered and Changbin along with Hyunjin forgot all about their curiosities. None the wiser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A flushed Chan finishes recounting what he remembered from that day and sits back on the chair.

"I'm gonna need about 12 bottles of soju to drink away the memories"

"you ain't the only one Hyung"

There's a moment of silence before the room is filled with giggles and laughter. All of it coming from Changbin and Hyunjin. One is laughing as he wiggles on the couch, while the other laughed so hard he fell off the couch and is now on the floor laughing away with tears in his eyes.

After an hour of tears and calming down they start breathing normally again. They wipe their tears away with the tissues an annoyed Minho gives them. Neither of the two payed attention to his threatening glances as if he is willing to shove the tissues down their throats if they didn't stop.

"are you two done now?"

They both nod with a bit of a giggle but not enough to send them into another laughing fit.

"I can't believe you two discussed if a Quokka and a Chicken could have sex. Chickens lay eggs. And you guys call me the leader of paboracha"

"really. Of everything I said, THAT is the takeaway from all of this"

"oh I have blackmail now. I can use it to finally get my Innie and Bokkie kisses"

"That is just wrong. Morally wrong"

"I'm am but a mere dwaekki without morals. I know it seems unethical but really.... I can finally get what I want"

"speaking of you two...where the fuck were you guys?"

"oh we forgot all about the game because it was hard to find anyone in their skzoo forms. So we went out for ice cream"

Chan becomes so done with them.

"and we told you guys what happened"

"the lion"

"the witch"

"and the audacity of this bi- OW!"

"Felix no swearing. Do you want to put another 10000 won into the swear jar?"

"I mean you did mark it for your funeral old man, so let the baby swear"

"I don't get paid enough for this"

"Guys I just had a thought"

Everyone turns to stare at Hyunjin.

"Can any one of us get each other pregnant? Cuz I'd like to see a ferret chicken combo. Just one long yellow cheese stick really"

Everyone groans as they all get up and walk away to do their own thing.

"yup their goes our leader of paboracha"

"your thinking skills astounds me"

"he needs a brain in order to think in the first place. He's surviving off one braincell that paboracha shares and today isn't his day to use it"

"hey!"

"we're not that stupid"

"If anyone here is stupid then I think it would be Felix for thinking he could tae Kwon do an army of squirrels by himself in his chick form"

"I reckon I could take them on"

"sure sure Felix. Whatever you say"

"but I totally could"

Felix starts whining before an idea pops into his head.

"hey wait I have an idea"

"what's your idea Bok-ah?"

"Well since it's my birthday today why don't we all go to the park and finish off that hide n seek match we never really got to finish"

Everyone agrees, gets ready and sets off to the same big park with the big forest.

"I guess since we are here to finish it off, Binnie and I can recount"

Everyone agrees to this and go hide as HyunBin begin to count.

Everyone has changed into their animal forms and makes a dash towards different areas.

It's peaceful as Chan lays down in the ground behind a tree that feels awfully familiar. Before he can wonder why he hears screams.

He makes his way down towards another familiar tree and sees a naked Han and an equally naked Felix run from out behind the tree making their way towards the opening.

Chan hears some rustling and looks down to see some angry squirrels and it hits him why the area seemed familiar to him.

"oh for fu-"

A squirrel throws a nut at him stopping him from finishing his sentence.

He sets off screaming about killer squirrels out to get him as he makes his way towards the clearing.

This time he makes his way towards the park and Changbin and Hyunjin are there to witness it all.

They're all attacked by flying nuts and acorns as they all race out of the park and back towards their dorm.

Chan looks behind him and sees that the squirrels stopped at the edge of the park before it starts heading towards the side walk. They turn around and go back towards the forest. Chan sighs in relief and continues running alongside his members.

By the time they make their way back to the dorms, they're all panting and calming down from the run.

"it's safe. They didn't follow us back"

"oh thank god"

"who knew squirrels had great memories"

"they recognized us immediately"

Before anyone else could say something, Chan's phone rings. He feels a sense of de ja Vu as he answers the call.

"hey s-"

"DO NOT HEY SIR ME! I JUST GOT A CALL FROM A CERTAIN GROUPS MANAGER WHO TOLD ME THAT HE SAW 8 IDIOTS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET. ITS A FUCKING UPGRADE FROM LAST TIME. IN MY OFFICE. ALL 8 OF YOU! MANAGER IS ON HIS WAY"

The call ends and Chan's wincing since he answered dies out. He groans as he looks around at everyone.

"oh god we did it again"

Everyone immediately clicks on as the sense of de ja vu all of them but HyunBin felt hits them like a freight train.

"oh god we're all naked again"

"is this how the first time felt?"

"welcome to the "your dead" gang. Can't believe that happened again"

"Hannie, Lixie, What the hell?"

"we found a tree that looked awfully familiar. We saw this hole close to the ground and went inside. Who knew it was the same tree as last time. The squirrels started yelling at us throwing a nut at Lixies head. I couldn't let that stand so I fought them."

"I had to stop the fight and got them to be civil with each other."

"they told us they remembered us from back then and they got angry. It probably didn't help that I ate their nut supply"

"again*

"well we just booked ourselves a free ticket to a meeting at JYPe building"

Everyone groans

"our manager is on his way so let's clean ourselves up, get ready and mentally prepare ourselves. At least Felix isn't crying"

"I'm doing well"

"great. Hold that in til we get to the meeting "

"We can pick up our clothes from the park on our way there"

"yeah I'll let the manager know when we comes by"

"wait... I just realized....what has this got to do with Han, rooming with Felix and kisses?"

"Ever since that day, Han had spent the whole 4 week holiday in quokka form trying to put a baby into poor baby Lix."

"thank god I was there to intercept every time."

"hey! At the time I thought it could be possible"

"first off lixie was a baby chick you idiot"

"second of all and let's let these two in on it....we took Han to a very special vet friend who gave him the whole sex talk and anatomy talk of a quokka and a chicken"

"hey I learned my lesson okay. I am a changed person"

"haven't changed enough since we got into this mess once again because of you"

"and by tomorrow I'll be a changed man again"

"at least this time he ain't trying a weird form of species intermixing"

Everyone goes about doing their thing to get ready for a long day ahead.

What a wonderful way to spend the 15th of September

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[originalaccountname]

the concept of skk having to practice any of their insane plans or signature moves is so funny but I can't see it. These guys are freaks. Dazai can set up crazy traps within a few days' notice, and Chuuya will face off against anything and find a way to outsmart and/or overwhelm it and win. They defeated Rimbaud with a plan Dazai came up with mid-battle and 2 minutes of communication (that was mostly about feelings). The first time Chuuya used Corruption happened a few minutes after Chuuya learned about "safely" activating it on purpose. Dazai got himself captured on purpose during the Dragon's Head Conflict and didn't tell Chuuya he had to come save him later, he just waited for him to connect the dots. Yes they came up with little strategies and gave them codenames to be cool and sneaky and that means they either sat down to suggest moves or have been coming up with names on the fly after doing something cool. That doesn't mean they practiced them thought.

[mugwot]

someone

[little-pondhead]

The Curse Of Hope

_

Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

[underdark-dreams]

Astarion: Look out, there's a trap over there--

Rest of the party: OVER HERE? [runs straight into trip wire and detonates a chain explosion]

[spilledkaleidoscope]

the skill talk got me thimking

Control: +3 Gearhead: +3 Processor: +2 Survivor: +2 Corpus: +1 A Weak Muscle: +1 Vice: -1 (Kim skills from my fic lol)

[ahhrenata]

had to get this out of the system. Death Stranding got its grip on me (so has Norman Reedus 😅)

[gideonisms]

I become 300% more of both a lover and a hater when I'm on my period. just a time of the month when I have strong opinions I would say

[dykenav]

found these comments on a youtube short about what swords they used in gtn and it’s cracking me UP seeing these straight men trying to justify their interest in this series by saying it’s “serious” and comparing it to faulkner like dude it’s a good series yes but also it’s okay to just admit you like a campy dyke romp. the notion that anyone would read these books for any reason OTHER than them being a campy dyke romp is absolutely absurd to me

[markantonys]

Let Rand And Mat Kiss 2k23 feat. the Josha And Dónal MLM Character Cinematic Universe

Caged (short film, 2013) Angel (short film, 2018) Gewoon Vrienden (2018) SAS: Rogue Heroes (2022)

[solcarow]

seafood trio portraits !

+ some alts. with spoilers !

[chuluoyi]

How about a story of gojo and reader having an argument and later kiss and makeup, please?

i have 3 version of this actually ahahha🥹

2006–2009 era: an overnight trip with megumi and tsumiki but you and gojo got into a stupid argument the night before so the trip is awkward at best -> you refuse to speak to each other and use the kids to pass along your messages like “tell him i said xxx” and megumi decides to ditch both of you 🤭

2010–2017 era: you get into a fight and ignore each other until gojo decides to apologize first… and he sees some hooligan bothering you on the street so he goes 😠👊🏻

2018–present era: this is one i’m currently working on🥹 so you once again get into a fight with gojo. but just as you give him silent treatment the next day, your son almost gets kidnapped, and you tell him to run while they take you instead. when gojo hears about this, he goes batshit and pummels every one in his path—but you’re injured quite badly and he’s realizing that he is that close to losing you

[doodlingbot]

Blue without his glasses only exists in a few memories, but never in photos.

[based off of that bit in How I Met Your Mother where Barney can't have bad photos taken of him.]

[gierosajie]

I feel like it would be funny if Focalors was the only character that could legitimately get on Venti's nerves