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spei-sidus · 1 year

Text

Moonlit Musings

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

No Archive Warnings

Written for UsaMamo Week 2023, Day 7

Usagi was on her way back from Tokyo Tower, where she had been unwinding during the night, when Mamoru's out on a jog. Mamoru's protective instincts lead him to ask Usagi out on a date. Centered around Tokyo Tower.

I tried to get this out on time, but it struck midnight on me - irony of ironies. Well here you go. Thanks for reading.

I spent the day researching Azabu Juban, Tokyo Skytree, and Tokyo Tower...there's a lot I don't know yet. I've been an avid fan of Sailor Moon fanfiction for years, but I never really delved into the depths of the settings in which these stories take place, something that I was starkly reminded of when reading stories by FloraOne, for example. I'm really grateful I managed to complete this week's prompts, for my first ever usamamo week. It's been a dream of mine for a while, but I never thought I'd stumble into one shortly after I started writing fanfiction! So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Chapter 1

Sailor Moon perched upon one of the upper ledges of Tokyo Skytree. The youma battle had taken them further east tonight. Sailor Moon was feeling contemplative and in no hurry to head home. The battle had stopped a little after Tokyo Skytree went dark at 11 PM. She was going to linger for a while and then head towards Tokyo Tower, the tower that was the beacon to her little home in Azabujuban, hopefully timing it so that she’d get there at midnight. Sailor Moon could linger under the veil of darkness and think to her heart’s content.

It was strange, she thought, looking at the expanse below. Both had amazing views, but Tokyo Skytree - the tallest tower in the world and double the height of Tokyo Tower - made the world distinctly diminutive. Looking at Earth from such great heights seemed very familiar to her - as if staring at the Earth from space should seem familiar.

She loved the night. It made her energized. It made her tingle with awareness. She attributed it to her connection to the moon, the source of her power. She believed she’d happily be a night person if she didn’t have to go to school early in the mornings. She’d rather be up with the moon drawing or reading manga or trying some delicious food. Who knows what she would do if she had the optimal timeframe in which to exist? No, she had to conform to a Monday through Friday 8:30 AM – 3:30 PM schedule, with homework on top of that. She slept in bits and pieces because she had to – and because it was broken sleep, it was never enough, so of course she looked like she was a sleepyhead all the time. It was frustrating to have the others chide and mock her for her sleeping habits without being able to explain why. Or if she did explain, they’d probably minimize it and tell her to get over it somehow. As if magic worked that way. Maybe it did? The other Senshi were certainly more in tune with their powers and sleeping habits. It was only her that was out of sorts. Did they ever get issues if their planets entered a certain place in the zodiac chart? She didn’t think she could ask Ami about it without letting her in on her struggles.

Tonight was a Friday night. No school tomorrow – she could sleep in all day. Or would if her mother didn’t whack her awake by noon. Good habits and all of that. Nonetheless, noon was certainly better than seven. She was going to take advantage of it. This was going to be her time, away from Luna and the girls and annoying, gorgeous upperclassmen that made her think things probably no girl her age should. Oh, who was she kidding? She was a teenager, fifteen, for goodness’ sake. Her hormonal body vacillated between her nemesis and her savior without care even in one night of fantasies and self…care. They both made her tingle with a different kind of awareness. She didn’t understand why it had to be with two different guys – and two unattainable guys at that: one taunting, insulting, and generally denigrating towards herself; the other, while chivalrous and inspiring, was also distant and insistent she treat him as an enemy since they had different goals.

She started heading out towards Tokyo Tower at 11:45 PM, wondering if she’d get there at midnight. She decided to make a game of it, dashing from rooftop to rooftop with an exuberance that had her rolling after some leaps. She half thought to hold back a little, but she was having too much fun – it was so much like her morning dash to school. She needn’t have worried – she got there just after the tower went dark.

Perfect.

She settled in, staring out from her familiar vantage point, smiling softly at the city below. They were her people, and she was proud to protect them. She hoped they were getting decent sleep, without nightmares. She worked hard to give them hope despite the terrors the youma were causing daily. No matter how terrified she was and underqualified she felt, she was proud to be in a place to do something good for the world. It was worth losing sleep over, getting even worse grades than before, getting scolded by nearly everyone. She knew everyone, in their way, wanted her to be her best self. She wasn’t very good at balancing everything like her Senshi, but she wasn’t going to give up, because to give up would mean to let Tokyo – all of what she could see from up here, and more – down.

She didn’t know everyone in Tokyo (or in the world, for that matter, but Tokyo was the only place terrorized for whatever reason), but she loved them, loved them blindly with the abandon that only Tsukino Usagi would do. Like the moon; she loved them, protected them, and shone the light needed to navigate the darkness, all without discrimination or reservation. She wanted to affect change, as the moon made waves, while being unwavering herself. Strong in her devotion. Strong in her ability to protect. Strong to always love no matter what.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, her mind wandering under the moonlit sky, but when she finally shifted to leave, she felt rejuvenated, uplifted, and calm.

She surreptitiously dropped her henshin shortly after descending from the tower, deciding that she would enjoy a good, meditative walk. As she wove through the light traffic of pedestrians and bicyclists, she came across someone she’d never thought she’d see at that time of night. “Mamoru-baka?” she asked incredulously.

He started. “Odango Atama?!” He checked his watch. “It’s 4 AM and you’re not in bed? Are you sick?!”

“I’m perfectly fine, baka,” she said with a scowl.

“Then what are you doing out at night like this?” he said with a scowl of his own.

“Walking,” she said shortly, “and judging from your attire, you’re jogging.”

He blinked. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to do my jog earlier than I usually do.”

“Jogging in the morning sounds like such a you thing to do.”

“But not you,” he countered, getting the conversation back on track.

“I couldn’t sleep either,” she said with a shrug, “so I was hanging around Tokyo Tower.”

“In the dark, alone?”

“Sure. It’s very peaceful there.”

“Why not go when it’s lit?”

“I like it better in the dark.”

A moment passed. “The next time you want to go, do you want me to go with you?”

The weight of that offer fell onto the both of them. Usagi’s mouth went dry. “Um, sure. We can wait until after the lights go out before, you know, going.”

“Right,” he said gruffly. “Unless you’d rather go early to get as much time as possible?”

“So…get there at midnight?”

“...That would be what I’m saying.”

“Wow,” Usagi managed, her heart galloping at a fast rate. “You - you’d do that - with me?”

He nodded, wide eyed, as if he didn’t realize what he’d let slip and was barely catching up to that fact.

She smiled. “Okay,” she said. “It’s a date.”

To Be Continued…

Chapter 2

Date, she had said, finalizing the symbolism of what they were about to do. Only couples went to see Tokyo Tower at midnight.

He stared at her, speechless for once. Had he really, finally, asked her out? Although going to Tokyo Tower at midnight was a bit too intense, too rushed for a couple that was just barely getting together. Or were they? “Do you mean a date date?”

She frowned. “Didn’t you?” she asked in utter confusion.

“I did,” he admitted, releasing the truth he’d masked for so long now. “But perhaps you’d like an actual date first?”

She gaped as everything caught up with her. “You really are asking me out,” she said incredulously.

“I only asked you initially to keep you from getting hurt at night, Odango. You really shouldn’t be out this late at your age-”

“What kind of date?”

The question threw him. He hadn’t expected her to accept. “Well, we could visit the tower beforehand. The second level has good views.”

“It does,” she said with a smile. “But that will only hold our attention for so long. I wouldn’t mind hanging out at Momiji Waterfall for a bit. I’m a lover of nature.”

“So am I,” he said with surprise. He never would’ve thought whirlwind Odango would be interested in the peacefulness of nature.

“Of course we have to go to that curry place nearby, CoCo Ichibanya. I love curry, and it’s not that expensive. I think it’ll be open until midnight, too.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Mamoru said with a smile.

“Yeah.” She took a deep breath. “This is weird, don’t you think?”

He shook his head slowly. “No, I’d say this was a long time coming. I promise it’ll just be fun.”

“Okay,” she said, trying to picture it. “I bet we’ll fight like cats and dogs though.”

He smirked. “I’m okay with that. It’s our thing.”

Our thing. She blushed. “So...when do we do this?”

“It’s already Saturday morning. Have you even slept?” When she shook her head, he frowned. “Then I don’t think we should do this today. What about next Saturday? We’ll make a day of it.”

“Okay,” she said shyly, butterflies erupting in her stomach. She was going to go on her first date! With Chiba Mamoru! “Well, I’ll see you then!” she said as she turned to walk away. He automatically followed her. She stopped and waited. “Sorry, I forgot you’d want to walk me home.”

“I don’t know why you’d think otherwise,” he retorted as he matched her stride. “I’m not leaving my girlfriend out in the middle of the city when it’s not even dawn.”

“Girlfriend?” she echoed faintly, her heart thundering in her chest. How many shocks could her body handle in one day?

“Okay, maybe that’s going too fast,” he relented. “But you get what I mean.”

“Yeah, okay,” she said dumbly, leading the way to her house. They walked in silence. When they got to the corner of her street she turned to him awkwardly. “See you around,” she said lamely.

“Arcade this afternoon? Or will you still be sleeping?”

“Oh, I’ll be up by noon. Mama won’t have it otherwise. I’ll be there.”

He nodded in satisfaction, gave a mock salute, and jogged away, leaving one dumbfounded Senshi of the Moon.

To Be Continued…

Chapter 3

Usagi went to bed feeling like everything that had just happened was nothing more than a daydream concocted from her wandering imagination while she sat a little too long on that ledge of Tokyo Tower. It’s gotta be. She’d only imagined something like this, oh, hundreds of times, so how could it be that reality even remotely matched up to her dreams?

She must have fallen and hit her head somehow. Although that would’ve hurt a lot longer than it would take her Senshi healing to fix it.

She was close to hyperventilating. Only consideration for her slumbering feline guardian kept her from fully freaking out right there and then.

How was she supposed to act now? Everything was moving so fast. She went from worst enemies to dating! The arcade was their usual haunt for their verbal battles. She didn’t know how else to interact with him. She reminded herself that he did say it was their “thing” to fight. So maybe another verbal battle would be in order? Business as usual…mostly…

She was so tired. Sleep beckoned her, causing her to squash her worries under its weight. She’d deal with it later. Much, much later.

__________________________________________

When she awoke, she was back to panicking.

“Usagi-chan, what’s wrong?” Luna asked.

She shook her head. Luna wouldn’t want to hear about her impending date, not when she was always going on about Senshi duties. A love life was just insignificant compared to their mission. “Nothing,” she mumbled. “Just a nightmare.” She pulled her clothes together and headed to the bathroom while Luna settled back into her earlier position. A quick shower refreshed her. She kept her outfit simple and normal: a pink dress that went to her knees, one she had worn many times. She wanted to look cute without trying too hard. Or so she told herself. She still half thought this was all just a weird dream.

A quick gathering of her things and she was off, walking to the arcade, her nerves getting the better of her. What if he’d just been impulsive? What if he’d changed his mind? What if he’d remembered all the things he’d called her in the time since they’d met and realized she was still very much undateable? She blinked away her tears and carried onward. She wasn’t going to know until she faced him. So with the strength and confidence she showed a youma in battle, she carried herself down the street and through the arcade doors. She found him sitting at the counter in his usual place, nursing his usual cup of coffee. She approached slowly, warily, as if he would suddenly turn around and shout, “Gotcha!” while laughing, rejecting her in the process. No, Mamoru would never do that to her. He was more of a gentleman than that.

“Hello,” she croaked as she stood behind him.

“Hello,” he murmured, turning slightly to face her.

She woodenly sat in the stool next to him, her bag tumbling carelessly onto the ground. “How was your day?” she asked awkwardly.

“I’ve been trying to stay busy the last few hours. I’ve tried to read. I’ve tried to write a paper due soon.”

“Oh,” she said, shuddering. Homework was an anathema to her.

“I can’t focus,” he confessed after taking a sip. “I’ve been waiting for you to get here since I got here after Motoki opened this morning.”

She shivered. “So this morning did happen?” she whispered.

His gaze darted to hers. “Yes it did.” Then hesitantly, he added, “Do you regret it?”

“No,” she said, a bit too forcefully. He winced. “No,” she said more softly. “Do you?”

“No,” he said vehemently. “As I said, it’s been a long time coming.”

“How long?” she asked. How long have you liked me?

“It’s come on so gradually I don’t even know.”

“It’s the same for me,” she admitted quietly. “The fights, they are…”

“Fun?” he suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” she said sheepishly. “I’ve never done anything like that before with anyone else.”

“Exactly. It’s our thing.”

“So…what happens now?”

“What do you want to happen?”

“I need to order food first.” She opened her mouth to wave over Motoki but Mamoru beat her to it.

“Oi, Motoki-kun! Odango needs to fill her bottomless pit!”

Motoki walked swiftly over while Usagi started turning red like a tomato. “A bottomless pit?! You JERK!”

“Get her a double cheeseburger, a large fry, and a strawberry milkshake. Oh, and a strawberry mango smoothie with boba. My treat.”

Just like that, her anger diffused. “You’re buying me food?”

“Yep,” he replied like it was the most normal thing in the world - and, she supposed, it would be for a boyfriend to do for a girlfriend, but they weren’t even quite dating…yet.

“Can’t you call me by my real name?” she settled on, still peeved.

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“It’s unique and it’s our thing.” He tugged on one of her hair streamers.

She just blinked at him. He was acting so differently today, and yet, not - and she had no idea how to act around him.

“Relax, Odango. I’m not going to bite.”

She snorted. She thought of an image of a Mamoru-like youma biting her with amusement.

Her food came, and she was inhaling it in short order, hyper-aware of the male profile next to her, of the barest brush of his knee against hers.

“Thank you,” she got out after she’d finished off her smoothie - she was really stuffed from everything. She normally didn’t have the allowance to afford as much as he’d ordered for her.

“You’re welcome,” he said sincerely, glancing at her with tenderness. Her heart caught in her throat. He’d never looked at her like that before, and it made her feel funny inside.

The girls walked in then. Reluctantly, she slid off her seat, whispering, “I have to meet up with the girls. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

He regarded her with amusement. “Yes, indeed. Now run off to your friends. I have some studying to do.”

“Jerk,” she said, although the insult lacked any heat. She grabbed her bag in a hurry and started tripping. A hand shot out to steady her, to her mortification. His hand.

“Try not to trip all over yourself,” he breathed before releasing her.

The look in his eyes befuddled her brain. Whatever retort she had was lost. With a firm shake of her head she walked off to the booth where her friends sat impatiently waiting. Usagi tried desperately to keep up with the flow of the conversation, especially as pertaining to Senshi business, but her thoughts and her gaze kept straying to the upperclassman sipping coffee at the counter.

Chapter 4

Usagi avoided the arcade on Sunday. She needed time and space to think things through. It was all so sudden. She could hardly believe it. She could barely be in the same room as Mamoru without wanting to look at him.

She cried off going, using her homework as the excuse. The girls were shocked, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. Usagi put on some nature soundscapes then settled into her desk chair, pulling out her homework.

Luna watched, stunned speechless. Usagi ignored her, wanting desperately to prove herself - not only to her Senshi, but also to Mamoru, Mr. Straight A student. She felt her flaws now more than ever. She also had a theory she wanted to test…

She set a timer for twenty-five minutes, then set to work on her English assignment. She wrote notes. She brought out different colored highlighters. She drew. But she did get some sentences in. When the timer went off, she set a ten minute timer, then pulled out some manga.

“What are you doing?” Luna asked curiously.

“I’m trying something out that might help me study.”

“You’re turning your homework into art and barely getting anything done. Now you’re taking a break?”

“Hush, Luna. It’s part of the plan.” Luna huffed and turned away. Usagi tried to shrug off Luna’s dismissal. Usagi didn’t want to talk about it, but she suspected she had ADHD, and if true, then there were ways she could work around that issue to get things done - like homework. She was terrified to be wrong, though. What if the others thought it was just an excuse? What if she was making up things?

Well, there was no harm in just trying out some methods, right? It wasn’t the official diagnosis that was important, she reasoned. If the methods worked, maybe then she could confess her suspicions - because then it wouldn’t look like a bunch of excuses, at the very least.

How she was supposed to work around ADHD while being Sailor Moon she had no idea.

She set another twenty-five minute timer and worked some more on her English homework. She got frustrated halfway through the assignment though, so after her second break she pulled out her math homework. Three problems into that she gave up and started working on her Japanese. It wasn’t a lot that she got done, but she put in effort that she hadn’t before, so she counted that as a win - no matter how much Luna sighed.

“I’m going to Tokyo Tower,” she told Luna tiredly.

“It’s Sunday and almost midnight; shouldn’t you be going to bed?”

“I won’t be gone long. I just need to unwind.”

Luna grumbled under her breath about Usagi ‘unwinding’ already with manga. Usagi studiously ignored her.

“Moon Prism Power, Make Up!”

Then Sailor Moon was off, racing across the rooftops until she reached the top. Then she did a double take. “Tuxedo Kamen!”

“Sailor Moon,” he acknowledged from where he sat, as if it were normal he should be hanging out there, and at that time of night. “Youma?”

“No. I just wanted to relax.”

“By all means.” He indicated the area beside him. She accepted the invitation, leaving a few feet between them.

“I’ve not seen you here before.”

“Do you come here often?”

“I do,” she admitted. “I like to see the view.”

“It is nice,” he admitted.

They fell into silence. Sailor Moon felt hyper-aware of his presence, his slight movements. Her heart rate picked up its tempo, and she felt so warm, even in the cool air, that she wanted to fan herself. She reminded herself sternly that she had just accepted going on a date with another man. But it was Tuxedo Kamen! He was always swoonworthy. But due to her hyper-awareness, she noticed that he seemed to be scanning for something. “What’re you looking for?” she asked curiously.

He started. “Just making sure the people below us are safe,” he said.

How sweet! Even when there wasn’t a youma, he was still caring about people. “You’re a good person,” she said reverently. Here she would use the tower to take breaks, not scope out dangers!

He looked like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind. Silence fell over them again until he spoke.

“So, what did you do today?”

Such a mundane question. “Homework,” she said truthfully, proud to be able to be honest with him. “You?”

“Same.”

“What wonderful lives we lead,” she said sardonically.

“Well, we need normalcy to balance out the ‘Saving the World’ stuff.”

He had a point. “I’m not sure what good school does for me, when I have to be committed to saving the world.”

“We might not be saving the world forever.”

She started. “If that happened, would I ever see you again?”

He tensed. “It depends,” he said carefully.

“Oh.” That hurt. She couldn’t imagine living her life without ever seeing him again. “I hope, when it comes down to it, that we become friends,” she said sincerely.

“Me too,” he said just as sincerely. “You should treat me as an enemy now, but maybe someday we won’t be.”

“I’d like that,” she whispered fervently. “Well, see you at the next battle?”

“Of course.”

She jumped away, feeling flustered. She didn’t get much sleep that night.

#usamamoweek2023

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violent--delights--violent--ends · 1 year

Text

Persuasion | Hero FT Fanfic

Chapter 4

WC | 667

Jessica pov

We get our food and have a general conversation. Kristen doesn't say much because she's too busy texting Stella.

"I still can't believe you play video games, let alone Assassin's Creed and Mortal Kombat; that's awesome! We should play sometime," he says excitedly.

"That would be cool! You'd probably kick my ass, though," I laugh.

"I hate to break up this fun fest, but you know we have that thing in the morning; maybe we should be heading home," Kristen says, and then I remember I promised to go with Lindsay tomorrow.

"Oh yeah!"

Today has been pretty perfect, and it's ending; I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.

"Jess?" Hero says.

"Oh, sorry, what did you say?"

"Can I borrow your phone? I need to get an Uber back to the hotel since my friend didn't show up."

"Yeah, sure; wait, you don't have yours?" I ask while unlocking mine and then handing it to him.

"I forgot it in my room."

A couple of minutes go by, and he hands it back. "Thanks. Hopefully, I don't get a crazy fan," he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"We can stay just to make sure," I offer, clearly trying to make up a reason to get more time with him.

"I don't wanna hold you guys back, and I'll be fine."

"Okay," I say, trying to hide the disappointment from my face as I pull away from the table. "Can I at least get a hug?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah, of course," he smiles, then leans down and hugs me.

Hero pov

It's been two weeks, and she hasn't texted me. Why hasn't she? Why do I care?

Come on; you know why; who are you trying to fool?

I push the thought back, focusing on the main objective of the fact that she's a fan, and I always told myself I wouldn't get interested in a fan because I wouldn't be sure if it were because of me or my fame.

Don't be stupid. You already knew that it didn't stop you before. "shut up," I mumble to myself.

She seems different, though, like there's just something about her. I can't seem to put my finger on it.

Maybe it's the fact that-- "I said shut up" I groan

I'm used to girls being excited around me, which she was at first, but after talking to her, I don't know; I just felt comfortable.

Like I had known her all my life. That sounds nuts, though, like that's something you hear in chick flicks, and honestly, the wheelchair is a concern that isn't a problem, but what it encompasses, can I handle that?

Not to mention how the media would be on her. Wow, Tiffin, you're getting ahead of yourself; it's only been one conversation.

Not to mention what she would think of you if she found out..

"Hero!?...earth to Hero," I blink to see Jo waving her hand in front of my face; I didn't even hear her come in.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"They want you on set. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking," I say, getting up and running my hands through my hair.

"Who is she?"

"What are you talking about?"

Jo rolls her eyes. The perk of working with someone so closely: they pick up on your cues.

"I know that look," she stands in front of me.

"I just gave this girl my number and nothing...it's no big deal," I shrug.

"Did you do that thing again?" I look at her, confused. "That dumb thing where you put your number in their phone hoping they'll find it? I remember when you did that to me, I almost slapped you," she says, laughing.

"No, I told her, didn't I?" I rub the back of my neck

"Knowing you, you didn't, which is madness, so no wonder you haven't heard anything. Just text her later. Problem solved; now let's go!" She says, pushing me towards the door.

#kristen stewart #kstew #afternators #herofiennestiffin #hero fiennes tiffin #hero ft #heroft #wattpadstories #wattapad #aftermovie #Spotify

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exlwandering · 3 months

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Finally wrote something for the first time in months. 11.7k words. Don't ask me how I don't fucking know.

This is gonna be a slow burn romance about my ocs Celica and Lemal. Neither are human, Celia is Kinda like a rabbit and Lemal is more akin to a raven. Okay. gonna word dump now. Tried to edit but if it's... weird. or has any typos... You know what to do. Enjoy Chapter one! More may come. hopefully.

Celica

In my dreams, since I was small I have always had a nightmare. Dark feathers wrap around me delicately, silently, rising and falling with the breath of a beast that lays beneath me, it sleeps many hours but it will awaken, my whole life this dream has only gotten that far, me sitting in silent terror of what would happen to me if I awoken such a beast, but last night. It woke up, with no real reason other than it tired of its rest, I put my arms out to stop it but no matter how I fought it was upon me, beak tearing into my flesh, massive claws tearing me apart and breaking bones, teeth finally pulling my flesh out to finally consume me. No matter how quiet I had always been, how soft or sweet, how light I had been on its back, I knew it would wake no matter how hard I prayed.

I woke up with a jolt. I lay in my bed, soft and plush, the sun rolling into my room through the open window, the curtains blowing in the gentle breeze. Lighting up the floor and the edge of my bed. For a moment I just sit there breathing in the moist air of new spring, that is of course before I remember the day. Today is the eve of my wedding.

I stumble out of my room, still in my nightgown, walking past servants and siblings alike, all my brothers and sisters stop to stare at me while I keep walking. Pushing through the dining room doors hoping to find solace in a warm meal. I first spot my Papa, tired eyes and panic lining his face and he turns away from a guest of some sort, his whiskers on end, ears perked in distress, crown lying unworn on the table. This strikes me in my tired state, he never likes to take it off, with so much family people forget who he is to them, it helps to remind them that they should respect him,of course it rarely works with actual family but still. I turn to my mothers spot at the table where she is crying. Crying. My mother is sobbing at the table while turning to me finally. This sobbers me up for a moment as I take a full sweep of the room and finally notice our guest.

Tall, much too tall, his feathered head almost reaching the ceiling, or it would had he not been crouched over the table with pen and parchment under his massively large clawed hands. His eyes are black and glossy and pointed totally at me before they glare disapprovingly at me, I remember I'm in my nightdress.

He lifts his paper for me to see, it’s not in my language but in Scalsy, the written language of the predators of the west, something I learned to read alongside my own language while I was still very little. The paper reads, to my great dread, “It's time to go.” Four simple words that will leave me dead by tomorrow. But I don't say that. All I say, in as much of a voice that I can muster is, “Alright. I'll get packed,” he seems to wince at this, holding one of his ears, or where his ears would go, in place is a tuft of feathers that just looks like an ear.

“Hold on,” Papa starts, “She's not going anywhere!” Papa has a snear across his face, showing his neck breaker teeth in a promise of violence. The man doesn't respond much other than in annoyance. He turns his head to write again. After a moment filled with scribbling sounds he lifts his paper again. To my father who draws a quick breath in before growling low, “You wouldn’t fucking dare!” The man then turns the paper to me with small amusement playing at the base of his beek, he’s smiling. The paper reads, “It’s this girl or we take another, your choice.”

“I'll go, I’ll go!” I put my hands in front of me, he again covers one of his ears and lets out a small growl in my direction, my father looks defeated. The man writes again, “Go get dressed and packed if you aren’t already. Now.”

I run to my room on all fours as fast as I can and start shoving my pants, shirts, books, and many pens in a chest. Once finished with that, I darted out of my nightgown and into a nice dress that had been left in my near empty closet. I turn again to my room for any keepsakes I want to take with me, pictures of family, drawings from my little siblings, my pocket watch, a bag of berry bush seeds, my newish diary, several empty diaries, and a small but bright candle, as well as something to light it.

Papa came bounding after me and had been saying my name the whole time I was shoving things away, he finally grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me out of my panic but also shaking small sobs out of me. It takes me a moment to stop them. He hugs me softly.

“Celica, I had a gift for you,” he let’s me go from the hug I so wish never would end. I look at him and then look down at his hand, small and soft, the pads slightly covered in his brown fur, he’s holding a small locket. He puts it around my neck slowly and lovingly, I hold my hair out of the way, the mess of soft curls getting tangled in the chain.

Once he’s done I open the locket and see the portrait of my great-something-aunt and her husband. I remember hearing her story for the first time, huddled in a soft blanket in my fathers lap. How a predator had butchered her, that only taters of her clothes and blood had been found, the rest of her likely consumed.

A quick moment of fury filled me, of all days to give me this damned thing. Why today? When I’m to marry the king of the predators? The one who is likely the most vicious? What the hell would have led my father to hand this over now? I looked up at him in fury and then stopped short, tears pricked his eyes.

“Don’t forget what they do, how they butcher us. Stay safe.” The last part was a whisper, his tears falling with his voice.

I hug him again, then whisper back, “Yes Papa.”

…

A loud thump fills my ears while I sit outside next to the carriage. It’s massive yet elegant, but I can't really care about it. I am a bit grateful tho, Mont, as the man reveals his name to be lets me say goodbye to my siblings and even some extended family, this is of course before he knows how many of them there are, after the tenth good bye he scribeles something hastily down, “For fucks sake girl, how much family can one princess have??” I don't tell him there are many more of them out of fear he'll change his mind.

Mont pulls me out of my thoughts for a moment, tapping my shoulder with his massive yet rather dull claw. He��s written again.

“Finally time to hit the road girl, get your father. Then we'll leave.” He turns to enter the carriage.

“Alright,” I respond before darting to the other side of the carriage, fathers just staring out into the woods.

“Hey,” I grab his coat and give it a small tug, “It’s time to go Papa.” I speak softly, I don't really know why other than it might serve to soothe him. He looks at me a moment before finally following me, holding my hand the whole way through. And then I hear my mother talking inside of the coach.

She’s talking faster than Mont can write about whether she can come, if there are any laws against it, about why he won’t talk, about why he’s so rude. I know what she’s doing and I almost go to stop her but I don't. I want to see if it works. It doesn't help that Mont is a rather slow writer, or that he clearly is running out of paper. Finally he throws his pencil down in rage and motions her to stop talking, after a heart beat he nods in defeat.

“I'm coming with you, and no one can stop me!” she screams from the coach before a snarl of pain follows, she quickly apologizes before we clamber in the coach ourselves, happy to be able to laugh together one last time.

My mother, as the ride continues, does not stop her questions, my father had long since gotten used to her very… Inquisitive nature, but Mont, with his apparently sensitive ears and being now trapped in a small space with my mother, looks like he's about to chuck her out of the window, so my Papa and I try our best to stop her questions. Now is a time to be quiet.

There are times however when Mont does accept questions, through writing he told us 1 question each so that he could quote on quote, “give himself some peace” My mother goes first, after a moment of great thought.

“Can you really not talk?”

His response, “Of course I can talk, you little things just can’t really hear us, this (writing what he’s saying) is better.(apparently)”

My father has no questions so he gives me his. My first question is: “Why did they send you (a slow writer) to get us (those who can’t even hear you)?

His response: “King Lemal is my best friend, I promised I’d keep you things safe. Wouldn’t want a dead bride now would we?”

I’m tempted to make my next question: “Or a dead princess? Queen? Or even a dead King?”

But I quickly remembered how little the predators valued us, only being meek and eager “prey.”

So I instead asked: “What is King Lemal Like? As a person not a king.”

His response was rather long and thus took him several minutes, but when he was done: “Lemal is proper and quite respectable, but wild when he wants to be. He’s pretty smart too, though is more of a smart-ass than anything else. He’s into reading and hunting, obviously, and he’s a bit creative with his nonsense. I wouldn’t worry about how he’ll treat you given his excitement for you. But he’s king, and you’ll be queen, so what does it really matter what he’s like, it’s not like you have a say either way.”

While that last part I know is true, it still scares me so I’m silent the whole rest of the ride, resting between my parents one last time.

I can’t help but think about how this has played out so far, about were it’s going, so quietly, while everyone is asleep i dig into my bag and pull out my pen and diary, going as quietly as i can to not wake anyone but when I look back up with said diary and pen Mont is staring at me clearly pissed, he motions for me to give him my diary. For a moment I’m terrified that he’ll take it but I don't see what choice I have, so I slowly hand both items to him, however instead of digging through them or throwing them out the window or anything else he begins to write inside of it. After a moment he hands both objects back, in large sloppy handwriting he wrote down, “By God am I glad that you're not gonna be my wife. But I’m up now, so write.” I flick my head back up to him but he’s looking out the window, looking annoyed yet passive.

“Thank you,” I whisper before he waves his hand dismissively at me.

I pour the whole day into the diary just before the sun breaks through the wood of the branches outside and once I’ve put my diary back into my bag and closed it over the hill I see a massive palace that reaches to nearly the heavens. I have to swallow my scream at just the sight of it.

The slam of my carrier chest against the gravel of the drive breaks me of my trance, my Mama and Papa are beside me watching Mont try to pick the chest back up before forfeiting to its weight and dropping it again. He give me a look which i take as a pointed question, responding with: “I’m sorry, it’s mostly full of my books.” He gives me another look as if to say “what the fuck is wrong with you?” I responded with another apology.

Many people are out and about on the drive, one coming to help Mont to pick up my luggage, several carrying other things into the palace (namely benches and decorations) but two are heading right toward my family and I, quickly. Two women by the looks of it, they didn’t have hair on their heads but their feathers were styled very nicely to swoop down and out every few inches making almost a wave effect, their necks were long and elegant holding up their heads and beaks. One of the women was walking straight to us while looking at us but the other was looking right at her, presumably someone of great importance by how she held herself and how she seemed to look down and altogether ignore everyone else, but me that it.

They stopped right in front of us, presumably continuing a conversation we still couldn't hear no matter how close they got, the more regal one finally snapped her fingers and grabbed someone's attention before pointing down at us, the the man grabbed the arms of my parents, picked them up and started to walk away and before i had any say in the matter, the less regal women grabbed my arm and picked me up, showcasing me to the regal woman.

The scream was pulled out of me but not of my parents, whom I heard grow more faint and distant as the woman surveyed me, lifting my chin, my arms and even poking my belly in one instance. Finally when she was done inspecting me, the woman holding me started to walk away at an alarming rate towards the palace, and in an instance we were inside.

Her pace was faster than I could ever run yet she only seemed to be walking carrying me through the halls until finally we walked up to a false wall that opened up to a massive bathroom. She began to rip the dress off of me before dropping its remnants on the ground, leaving the places she pulled against me sore and surely to bruise later. While this happened several other women were preparing soapy water that when I was eventually dropped carelessly into i discovered how cold it was. Shivering to the bone, the women proceeded to dose me in soaps and roughly scrub them into my fur leaving me looking like a massive bubble. When done with the scrubbing the woman who brought me in put her hand on my back, I realized just how large these people were to me as her hand not only covered my entire back but her fingers wrapped around my waist like she was holding a broom handle. She swept my body under the water and no matter how I thrashed I couldn't get out of her grip. Soapy water filled my mouth and nose and lungs, the taste reminding me of the small years of my childhood. Finally, after almost a minute of being held under the water and shaking to remove the soap I was pulled out from the water completely and dropped back in only this time free of the hand. I gulped in the air before lunging for the side of the tub so I would not have to swim in its depths again. As I sat there for a moment one of the bath ladies sat there looking sad for me but only for a moment before she tenderly pulled me out of the freezing water and into the warmth of her towel. That was when I retched.

It was only water as I hadn't eaten since the morning before but it clearly disturbed the main woman, she glowered at the girl who held me who then resumed the drying process, scrubbing me so hard and fast I likely shocked the next person I touched.

When the girl released me of my towel drying the woman again dragged me to another room giving a quick moment of reprieve. There I had faint oils rubbed into my back, throat and face, burning my eyes again. They used the oils to try and shape my fur, pushing it downward. In the end when I was pushed in front of a mirror, seeing my naked body almost made me laugh.

Not only was i still damp with oils, but the way they shaped my fur made me look like I had been doused in water, it also darkened my fur in a very unattractive way, thankfully however my fur has always been bad at keeping a styled shape, it curls at the ends no matter how it's shaped usually destroying the style, something i am now thankful for. Besides, when I’m alone later I can always give it a tussle so the proper shape comes back and I don't look so… Bad. I don’t know how they expect me to marry though. I still have so little air in me that I'll Likely pass out at the altar, my eyes are brilliant red from the soaps and fragrance oils, and they used so much of said oils i look like i haven’t bathed in weeks despite the fresh wash, not to mention how I am barely standing on my own at the moment.

My break at the mirror is very brief it seems as quickly a new lady has taken to role of manhandling me, showing me in a first much too big bra, likely mistaking my chest fur for breasts, then a much too small bra that won't go over my head, and finally one that, while tight, is still wearable. She jots something down and passes it to me.

It reads,“We’ll get you more clothes in a few weeks.”

I’m very glad to have brought my own. The sizing process repeats with a pair of underwear that has straps that go around the tops of my thighs. Oh. Oh no. This woman’s fitting me for lingerie, OH HELL NO. I begin to take the bra off but given how tight it is it’s difficult. She catches me and shoves it right back on before grabbing an under dress and throwing that over me and then quickly grabbing a corset. I fucking hate corsets. It was starting to become a trend back home to wear ones but not like this one. This one, in contrast to the ones at home, was full sized and would pull in my stomach and my chest. However this might be my save and grace!

My chest fur wont stay in the corset. The underdress is too low cut to hold it down so everytime she begins to tighten my fur rises. Over and over again. After the fourth time putting it back on I think she's gotten so tired of it she’ll quit. I am very wrong. She instead pushes my fur down, tightens the corset with practiced precision to an extremely tight fit, then shoves what leftover fur pops out when she removes her hand back into the corset. Some relief follows the removal of her hand but very little. I can barely breathe, even less so than before.

She pays this no mind as she goes about picking a finally piece while I try to remove the corset myself or to at least loosen the damn thing but i can’t, and when she turns to watch as my hands finally fall, as i finally give in, i watch as she smiles at me in the mirror.

While this corset woman is picking a dress the woman who nearly drowned me comes back in with a smile on her face before it falls when she looks at me. They begin to argue. (or at least it looks like it, this not hearing thing is getting on my last nerve today) Finally the conflict is resolved almost before it can begin when the Nearly-Drowned-Me-Lady (NDM lady until i learn her name) pecks the corset lady right between the eyes drawing blood that shines against her beak. She holds the wound in her hand, crying before nearly running away, back into the bathroom.

I look up at the remaining woman who’s grabbed a small (in her hands) dress and puts it on me.

Looking at myself is almost a sad event, oily fur, red eyes, frequent flinching when I breathe, and a dress that consumes me. However she seems quite pleased with her handy work. She points her clawed finger to me I guess to say don’t move a muscle before leaving again.

I focus on learning to breathe in this thing, as I'll probably be in it for a while, but then I hear steps towards me coming from the bathroom. A woman pokes her head out of the door frame looking around. It takes me a moment to realize she's the woman who toweled me down. She's walking toward me with another towel, much smaller this time, and a small bowl of water. I don’t fight her when she lifts my head and gently pours water in my eyes, catching it with the towel. When she's done both eyes she towels my face down removing excuse oil titering and making soft crow sounds. When she’s done she shakes her head, sits at a nell and puts her hand out which i slowly shake. She sees me wince and looks confused for a moment before her eyes widen and she unzips the back of my dress and losses the corset, giving me enough room to finally take a full breath.

“Thank you,” I breathe, relieved to do so. She nods her head then snaps her neck to the door the previous woman left out of, gathering the bowl and towel, patting my head and walking back to the bathroom.

After a heartbeat the NDM woman walks back into the room, grabbing my hand and dragging me to another event.

I’d completely zoned out while she pretty much dragged me down the halls, she didn’t want to pick me up again but she didn’t want to stoop down so she could hold my hand, instead she was carrying me like a stuffed toy, my feet hitting the ground ever so often.

Finally we came to a stop in the middle of a massive hallway with curtains blocking a doorway, after a beat we go inside of it were the first woman who inspected me sits lounging on a cushioned seat, very little has changed of her appearance, in fact only one thing has changed, she’s now wearing a crown. This woman is queen. Or was queen, as Lemal is already King. So either he is going to have two wives in a few hours or this is his mother. The mother angle seems more plausible as she, ever so often in her feathers hints of gray, no doubt dyed away to be forgotten about.

The women are talking about me while I just stand there, focusing on the ground. Once more I have no way of knowing what they're saying and that fact alone makes me feel like digging a hole and collapsing the entrance while in it.

I look up at the ex-queen (I think she is anyway, it’s a decent guess) trying to remember her name. I remember her husband’s, He was King Monal the… either third or fourth, I still can't remember what her name was. Someone however took my mind off of that as she motioned backward to someone behind her, she turned all the way and started to show the person away, Even the NDM lady was stood up from her seat (i don’t know when she sat down, I guess I just didn’t notice) and began to sho the person away as well, they were behind the curtain but I’m fairly certain that it was a man behind it. He pecked in further and the ex-queen was smiling broadly as she put her hand on his chest pulling a smile out of him, looking at his chest it looked like he was laughing with them. (Maybe) Finally he gave a small wave (that might have been pointed at me) before leaving the room. The rest of the time i spent in there was a blur.

After an hour spent in silence came the part of the day I was most dreading, looking through the windows I can see that the sun is going to set soon, maybe within the hour.

There is so little sound, all that can be heard is the sound of people sitting, no chatter, nothing. Just me waiting until the doors opened.

…

How will he kiss me.

It’s such a stupid question but one I have to ask. He has no mouth, only a beak. Hell, I don't even know what he looks like, I know what his species looks like but who knows if he knows what my species looks like, was he given a portrait? Even a description, i sure wasn’t so why should he be given one? Maybe they didn’t want him knowing what I looked like so if they killed me they could… That’s so stupid! This is stupid!

The doors open, cutting my thoughts away and in perfect clarity the question of what he looks like is swept away.

He’s tall, even for a predator he’s huge. He stands above the priest who’s standing on a slightly raised step, yet he’s taller than him. He’s also pristine, slicked back feathers, no style to them just straight down and sharp. His clawed and feathered feet hold up his form, dressed in a military uniform almost entirely free of decoration. His tail feathers nearly touch the floor, and he holds himself with pride when I first see him, but when he sees me his posture softens some, not much but some.

I realize I’m just standing there staring and trying to take the first step forward, I feel stuck to the ground, weighed down in my too large and unflattering dress. But I do it. I take that step. I accept this shitty hand I’ve been dealt, so long as it means my family don’t have to take said hand. His hand.

I feel them all watching and I see my mother and father at the front bench watching my personal demise live, up close and personal. For a moment I regret being born.

I’m shaking, visibly, but I don't care. I can’t even focus on that.

He puts his hand out to me. I have to take it but I just stare at it for a moment. My future husband with his massive hand that could snap my neck with one motion, could wrap his hand around my body so tight my ribs break, the claws that, despite their dullness could slit through me like butter. And it would hurt too. And he’d have every legal right to do it. To rip me apart. To devore me like my aunt, like my sister's friend, like I’m his prey.

…

I take his hand. I’ve stopped shaking too.

The priest begins his speech

I only know this because I can ever so slightly hear it, it’s so low and quiet I feel like I'm hearing it from another room but I do, in fact, hear it. Mama and Papa probably can’t though.

For several minutes he rambles about royal lineage which I ignore, but I can't help but listen when he brings my lineage up, the whole reason for this.

“-as this young princess, eldest of her kin joins us as many others like her have done before her, for the predators sacred right to feast, to indulge and laguash in a successful hunt. When this hunt finished many eons ago our people demanded a reward for a war well fought, and today ladies and gentleman, the payment to this king- this new age is paid in the blood and body of our newest queen!”

I try to forget the blood and body parts as best I can. I can hear my mother weeping behind me. I zone out for a while longer before I hear him ask me “Do you take this man-?” I whisper an “I Do” before I try and stop myself. I hear him ask “Do you take this woman-?” and after a moment Lemal dips his head in a nod and turns to me before kneeling to- not my height, but as low as he can get, before pulling me close, rubbing the side of his beak against the side of my face. The priest then announced that it is done and we are now husband and wife. King and queen of the western predators.

…

I feel like I'm going to throw up again.

***

The rest of the night goes by with me either sitting in his lap, in his arms or on his shoulder, he’s laughing with his friends and family over the dinner table. I smell roasted meats fill the air and the mere thought of having to eat it with him fills me with terror. I've never eaten meat before and I do not intend to start now. I skipped that meal. Later courses came filled with large fruits as a type of desert and despite my hunger I eat as little as I’m able to- I don’t know why. I eat plenty of cake in the course afterwards but I don’t know why I don’t eat the fruit. Maybe its juice stains his hand too much like blood. Or maybe I’m just being extra cautious.

At the end of the night my mother and father are escorted out and I jump out of King Lemals gentle grasp to catch up to them, I have to say goodbye at least, i have to. By the time I do so with King Lemal following at a leisurely pace while I run, I am sobbing, keeled over trying to catch my breath.

In a moment I am up and jumping for my Papa one last time, to hug him just one last time. He catches me and we bury our faces into each other's necks, dampening them with tears. My mother jumps around both of us pulling her arms as far around the both of us as she can and crying into my scalp.

After a long moment Papa pulls away but I try so hard to not let go but he’s stronger in his resistance. He puts his hand on the locket I've worn the whole day before kissing my forehead, my mother kissing my cheek and scalp and ear. Then Papa pulls back, bows and begins the walk back to the carriage they arrived with me in, leaving me behind. My mother lingers for longer, continuing to kiss and hug me, before whispering “Be so strong my love, I know you are.” She has to be picked up but she still fights but not when she actually gets in the carriage itself.

I sit in the grass and King Lemal and the guards that walked my family away all leave and for a moment I am alone. Completely and utterly.

But only for a moment.

Lemal returns. I hear him before I see him. He sits in the grass with me then slides and piece of cake in front of me. I reach for the dessert spoon and as soon as I have taken a bite he pulls my body to his.

…

The rest of the night passes in a blur. When I start thinking again Lemal has me in his hands cradled to his chest. I start thinking again solely because I know where we’re going, to the bedroom, where he'll no doubt rip this dress off of me and delight in the lingerie they forced on me. I begin to wiggle in his grip, trying to get away but it feels like he just thinks i’m slipping because he holds me tighter when he reaches for the nob of the door, walks in, and shuts it behind him.

I jump out of his hands and onto the bed like an idiot. He looks at me with an expression that reads excited are we which I very much am not. I shake my head quickly and say “No! No, I really don’t want to, I-I- I don't even know you your highness!” He raises his hands to calm me, I think. He walks to the dresser, opens it and grabs clothes from it, then gestures to my chest of things, someone must have brought it here just after my arrival. He then walks away to, supposedly, the toilet room.

As soon as the door closes I jump off of the much too high bed and quickly throw open the chest and grab my clothes before releasing something. I can't take off the corset, not by myself. Which means i cant put on the night dress, fuck.

He walks out after a moment, in loose night pants and no shirt. It’s all just feather, feather, feather and more feather. Not to even mention his wings that arc up over his head. “No wonder the bed’s so big,” I whisper and I think this made him laugh. “

Hey… could I ask you to do something and you not act on what that action usually means?” He didn't respond for several seconds until I turned and showed him the still very much tightened corset and still on dress. He raised his hands in protest but after he stopped I just replied with, “...Please?” He seemed to give in at that moment. Gesturing to the bed.

It took some work, I had to completely flatten my feet to the ground, then bounce for a second to jump as high as the bed, however I was too close and smashed my face into the side of the mattress. I shook my head and turned back for him, looking for help but instead finding him trying so hard not to laugh at me he was holding his beak shut. After a moment passing he breathed clearly and stooped to help me but I was already trying again and I leapt between his arms when he reached me, glaring at him.

He put his hand on his neck looking like he was about to apologize but I didn’t even want him to try. “Just help me, please.” After a moment, he sat on the bed and did just that, slowly pulling the dress off and undoing the corset until it was just string on the floor. I ripped it off and threw that away too. After jumping to the head of the bed on the opposite side. I slipped off the underdress while he averted his eyes then put on the night gown. And then… He laid down. Got under the blankets and laid down. So I did the same, and tried my absolute best to try and ignore the animal skins everywhere, the fact I was sleeping next to the king of the western predators, the fact that he is now my husband, and that we would do this every night.

Lemal

“Okay so… what’s wrong with him?”

Father gave me a strange look, like I'm an idiot. “The problem is that your brother doesn't want to marry the prey girl!”

“Okay so why don’t you want the prey girl Cuss? And more importantly why does this affect me?”

“Lemal! Isn't it obvious??” Father and I just stared at him for a moment waiting for him to say it. I already know, I’m just too tired at the moment. I went on a goose chase last night for barely anything to show for it other than heavy eyes and heavier limbs.

“I want to marry for love! And within my own species. And that just starts the list of why I don't wanna marry the prey girl! I’ve got many other reasons.” Father groaned and I just smiled at his answer.

“Always the helpless romantic brother.”

Balasey from her corner lounge chair piped in with, “He’s an idiot, like any girl could love you.”

“Thank you Balasey, always the optimist, love your input,” I muttered the last part so we could all pretend I didn't say it, of course she didn’t drop it.

“Excuse me you runt what did you say-”

“We haven’t the time for this- AND it's what Cusuma wants! Your little brother wants us to forget the topic at hand!” Father throws himself into his armchair in front of the window, it buckles under his weight and again makes that horrible sound.

“When are you gonna fix that chair father- and anyways wouldn’t that make Cusuma King to marry that girl? That makes no sense, I am already king number one, number two why can’t I marry the girl, I have no qualms against it, marriage is marriage, you and mother worked out just fine. I mean there’s three of us, one more than needed so that’s got to say something about how it worked out,” I take a sip of my drink, “so why not huh?”

“Well first,” Balasey chipped in, “they only had three because I’m the middle child and I’m a woman, the breeder is typically a man, so is the king, and then the girl is just an inconvenience.”

“So you do want me to send you to the monastery?” Father added, Balasey sunk into her seat to avoid answering. “Thank you girl,” he took a sip of his drink. “And I want to teach him responsibility Lemal, the boy needs to learn. And if your sister is right about anything it’s that that boy will never marry, let alone have legitimate heirs on his own, so better to make him the object of the prey things attentions, beside if he really hates her he can kill her and just marry another! She’s dime a dozen, hell, she was born with three other females so we can get one for you too Lemal, if you really want. One wife for fun, one for breeding no problem.”

Balasey got up and left at that.

“Or we can finally put your sister to work and get her married!!” We both looked at him then, “Oh! Come on boys, you know she needs to contribute to this family, she wasn’t born for no reason!”

Somewhere a door slams so loud I have no doubt that it’s been snapped in two. Father cuckles.

“Father please don’t make me, I don't want a marriage to be stained with my supposed lover's blood!”

“And anyway father,” I finally chim back in, “why make things complicated? You’re right, he needs to learn responsibility so why not send him to a soldiers camp, there are much simpler ways.”

“I don’t wanna do that either!!”

“OH pipe down you clown!” He swirled his drink thinking for a moment.

“Besides,” they both looked at me Cuss in anger and father in curiosity, “I do find the things a decent amount attractive, I won’t waste her. Not like he will.” My idiot brother nods at this and father tits at his stupidity, I just laugh softly.

After a moment of thought Father answers again, “Fine, you’re right Lemal why make this complicated, I can teach him in other ways.”

“Perfect, solution found!”

Father got up from his chair, downing his drink, “By the way Lemal,” he began to walk out the door, “The wedding’s next week.”

“Sorry?” I stood up in astonishment, my brother whooping in victory in the corner.

***

I wish I didn't have to wake up, this was most days but especially today given I awoke to people running in and out of my room pulling things out here and there until it was almost completely empty.

“What the hell are they doing? “ I say, groggy from another sleepless night.

“Moving your thing’s to the bridal sweet m’lord,” says my groomer, Ramey.

“Oh. Right, the marriage thing today,” I say, swishing his hand and comb away, he reaches for me again. “My feathers are fine, leave me alone Ram.”

“As you wish, should I get the ladies in the washroom to start your grooming or do you want to hunt first?”

“Hunt? Oh hell no, not today, besides I did enough of that last night. I made it to where only meats that I’ve hunted will be served tonight- of course at the expense of my me but who gives a shit about that?” Ramey is about to say something but I cut him off before he can show any concern, “Yes, please call the ladies to wash me off, also tell them about the new oils you bought. I don't think they know about that yet.”

“Of course,” I walk out of the room and he follows me, “I also bought some oils and soaps for your bride, do you want them to use them today or tonight or?”

I stop to think about it. “Um, use the same oils on her as you do me so that she already smells like me, the fuckers in the palace get way too handsy. Unless she smells like me they’ll think they can make an early claim to her and I don’t want that. I’d like to keep her flower intact until I can get to her thank you.” I stop in the main dining room, stretching in front of the window looking out it. Ramey looks with me. Then at me.

“You really should spend the whole night with her, she’ll be scared being in such a new and dangerous place on her own, she should at least have her husband share a bed with her on her first night here. I know how scary the adjustment is.”

I don’t look at him still, thinking for a moment. “Hey Ram,” I put my hands in my pockets, finally looking at him, “completely dose her in the oils I use today.”

After breakfast comes a well needed wash, I lavish in its coldness while the ladies wash out the bad oils and put in the good.

I wonder what she looks like? She’ll be small, I know that but how small? Like… waste height or smaller? Ya know, thinking about it i haven’t even seen too much of her species, then again she probably hasn’t seen too much of my own so at least we have that much in common. Heh, maybe we can use that to ‘get to know each other.’

Right now, snapping out of my trance, I hear my mother titering in the other room, likely waiting for me to get the hell out of the bath. Looking around I realize that the ladies are more or less finished and now are cleaning around me so as to not be an idol. I stand, pulling half the tubs water out with me, and they soon begin drying me.

“Are you ever going to be finished in there, you girl?”

“Good morning mother, you can come in, you know.” One of the Ladies passes me my wax and I generously applied it to my beak. “Also you want me to look good on my wedding day don't you?” I say this with a smile getting a small dollop of wax in my mouth that I become preoccupied with getting out of my mouth. Moving to the mirror my mother walks in.

“Oh cover yourself, you know you have more than one and I don’t wanna see that!”

“Didn’t you birth me?”

“Yes but that was a long time ago and I didn’t even feed you so stop mocking me already, you'll make your poor mother even more gray!” I wrap a towel around my waste.

“Oh you are too lovely, gray or not.” She replies with a simple “mh” before moving to the mirror, examining herself.

“They're late, you know.”

“I don’t really care,” I start.

“Well I do, and it’s because of the boy, the one you’re friends with, the bastard boy. Who knows what he did,” she turns to me, “You don’t think he’s letting her say goodbye to all of those family members do you?”

“Why would that be a problem?”

“You know why!!” I give her a look of confusion. “UHH! Those things breed like, like, like themselves! They have troves of themselves everywhere!”

“Not here.”

“Only because they are just smart enough to stay away for their own little lives sakes. The poor things. That prey girl thing will be such a pain. Your uncle has one and I don’t know how he does it, every generation, every king. It’s bogus.”

One of the Ladys comes with my uniform for today and I stand ready for her to put it on me. “Don’t say that Mother,” I pause, “You know Ramey says that I should be nice to the girl, don’t you like him?”

“I like that he knows how to make this old bag of bones and dust look like a brand new bag, yes! But I don't really value his opinion that much, sorry.”

“Well i think you ought to be nice to her, in fact, can you see to it that she’s treated gently. I want a pampered little pet, no stress or reason to worry at all. How’s that mummy, just like your wedding.”

“Ha! You’re the stupidest one of my children if you really think that my wedding was a happy one, oh I hate your father, he’s so annoying. He’s always been like your brother, it’s why he hates him.”

“Don’t say that mother!”

“It’s true!”

I’m about to say something more but then we hear a carriage pull into the drive.

“OH, yes, finally!! I can get a look at the thing! Oh- come here, there’s three, come see, come see!!” She’s jumping in excitement looking down and out of the window. I come to join her just in time for the things to climb out. Also just in time to watch Mont fail at picking up a chest for a creature whose things could barely weigh a pound.

“See?” She says mocking Mont, “Bastard children are runts what do I tell you!”

“Next you’ll say Cuss is a bastard,” She puts her finger to the tip of her beak and I laugh.

“I’m going down to see,” she says excitedly, I quickly follow now fully dressed to not only get a look but to help Mont.

We arrive quick enough, mother and my bride's new lady in waiting head right over to them, I head over to help Mont and ask about my bride.

Together we pick up the chest and lo and behold it’s one of the heavier chests that I’ve picked up in a while.

“Shit what’s in this thing??” I Grunt out while we move it to a cart.

“The Girl says ‘mostly books’ as well as ‘sorry.’” Mont says, mocking her.

“Well those are two very important pieces of information, she can read, and well it seems, and she’s got humility.” Mont laughs and we turn to watch the lady in waiting and my mother get over the family of prey. Two are picked up and likely taken to the altar to be given contractual jobs but one is left behind, she’s picked up and my mother exploded in laughter calling her simple and dainty, Mont and I just laugh at the image of the girl picked up as a pet.

“Okay well I’ll tell you one thing Lemal.”

“And what is that?”

“I don’t envy you.”

“Neither does my mother, she dreads the very idea of her even being in the palace.”

“Oh i don’t even mean that, the thing writes all hours of the night when she’s stressed”

“Oh, well that makes two non-sleepers,” I begin to walk back into the palace. “Besides, if all goes well she won’t be stressed at all, just like a very spoiled pet, if anything.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Every one of those wife, pet things that I’ve ever met , and I’ve met the only two still alive, both were stressed all the fucking time, don’t kid yourself if you think she won’t die of it if not by one of us first.”

“Neither of those is happening. I’ll tell you why if you ask.” “...Okay, I’ll bite. Why?”

“I have a plan.”

“Oh do you?”

“Yes, now shut up. I’m gonna find every interest that she could ever be interested in and I’ll do everything that she wants. She wants cake, she’s got it, she wants books, she’s got it, she wants sex, well she’s more than got that.”

Mont snickers, “your kidding yourself even more if you think that’s all women like-”

“I know that dumbass, but still. Whatever she wants is hers. I just want to say I tamed one of those prey critters and that will bring me fame and acolytes!”

“More than being king?”

“Oh shut up. I’ve got a fitting to get to so why don’t you do some wine tasting for the both of us huh?”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, but that cake part of the plan’s gonna backfire.”

“Oh please,” I said walking away, “who doesn't like a fat pet?!”

Walking into the fitting room everyone begins to fuss at me again and I spend the next hour standing doing nothing so the seam cleaners can also do nothing because they did such a great job last time, all that’s left for me to do is to think really.

I couldn't get a good look at her before but her body was much smaller than I thought it would be. I could fit her in my hands with ease, probably balance her in just one hand. I’ll have to try later. She’s so small just a squeeze would pop her, speaking of that I turn a lot in my sleep, I’ll have to watch myself to make sure I don’t crush her. Maybe a wall of pillows? But I want her to be able to get to me. Don’t want to discourage any fun. How would that even work with her? Would they.. Fit? That’s a dirty thought. Thinking of other things, the kiss is going to be awkward at the actual ceremony, given her lack of a beak. How do prey kiss? Wait no, not prey, southern prey creatures, the… Pami! They have beaks… Small beaks but beaks. So… Compatu. Compatu Prey, how do they kiss? Guess I’ll have to ask her, but she might not know, if everything has gone well with her then she’ll never have done so before but here’s to hoping. I wonder- My father walks in, fumming.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re brother, he’s being an idiot again. He got you into this and now wants to pull you out of this because he feels bad, can’t he grow a fucking wing bone already!?”

“Wait, he wants to marry her? Hell no, not now. Why even?”

“Can’t you hear, he ‘feels bad,’ pathetic.”

“Oh please just tell him I’m fine and he’ll get over it.”

“Well I-”

“I don’t even wanna hear this father, just tell him to shut his beak before he tries to pull a stunt like speaking out at the wedding itself and everything will be fine.” I begin to walk away.

“Oh if your brother so much as thinks of doing that!” He begins to scream down the hall that he entered through, “I’ll have his damn pelt lining my coat!!”

Walking down the halls I hear a familiar voice going on and on about how “This pet creature is just not as much of a beauty as she would have hoped but she’ll have to do!” So following mothers voice i find her titering on and on with my fiance's new Lady in waiting once again. Mother spots me through the curtains and begins to greet me before changing her mind.

“Oh my- What are you doing here, you need to finish your fitting, hell i can still see a pin in your shoulder!”

“Oh that’s nothing mother i promise, oh- is that her?”

“Oh your majesty please, leave before your surprise is spoiled!” The Lady goes on about surprises for a while.

“You act like I don't know I’m getting married my lady but it’s quite the contrary, I promise.”

“Oh, you boy, get out!” Mother puts her hand on my chest, lightly pushing me out of her little “conference room,” I chuckle at her efforts. Before lightly waving to my little bride with a now much clearer look at her. Light brown fur all over her face with white rings around her eyes, nose and mouth, and a small pink nose in the center. But best of all are those eyes, dazzling green eyes that spark her face to life but bring an awfully shy look to her face. So in summary, she’s the most damn adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

I’m finally pushed out of my mothers room and for a moment I just stumble backwards, she’s just a delight to look at yet still I didn't see her in nearly the right conditions. I'll tell you what she looks like though, she looks right out of a painting.

Yes, a painting of her surrounded by lovely flowers and berries and fruits, all of the greens of the stems and leaves bringing her eyes to the focal point, captivating and entrancing… I can’t wait to see her down that aisle, the light focused just on her, and she’ll be all for me. Fuck i can’t even handle the thought of that. What am I gonna do when I actually see it happen?

I bump into my brother. I hadn’t even realized I had been walking.

“Oh Lemal I am so sorry! Father won't let me undo my mistake and I really don’t want you to pay for my burden! Honest.”

“What? What burden?”

“Marrying that little thing, I'll tell you what I'll do, we switch places and I just kill it afterwards, and we forget the whole thing, it’ll be like nothing happened!”

I slam him against the wall, growling in his face, “If you even think of hurting her i’ll fucking dimeber you and you know that’s a promise.” He shudders under my hands, “Understand?”

“Yes brother, I understand!” His head nodds like his neck is broken and it will be if he doesnt stop being ridiculous. I let go of him.

He reaches for his neck, rubbing it, then his shoulder.

Together we walk into the chapel and we both take our places. He grabs my shoulder and turns me around to face him. “What do you-” He pulls the pins out of my suit, one on my shoulder, the second on my collar, the third somewhere on my chest, he puts each point end up into his pocket, practically doming himself to poke his fingers with the ends at least once when he goes to remove them.

“Thank you.”

After a moment of thought he looks up at me, for the first time in a while I see him for what he is, a small teenager who has no clue what he’s to do with himself. A no one prince who’s trying his damndest for himself and his brother. I feel the impact of earlier finally reaching my hands and realizing how close I was to actually hurting him. “Are you sure about this? I’ll take her if you really want, not harming her at all, whatever you want, Lemal.”

“Don’t worry,” I pull his head into my chest, “I am… More than fine with this brother.” I want to add a thank you to the end of that but I can't for some reason.

He breathes into me, “Good because if I do anything Father will actually kill me.”

We both chuckle at that.

What the hell is taking so long? It’s all I can think about, why is this taking so damn long. I can feel my tail feathers bouncing in anticipation, Cuss’s nervous energy has finally infected me, as I watch him over and over again click his thumb to his forefinger rapidly, actually no, not rapidly, only every second. So I quite literally have been counting the seconds that have passed that the wedding is supposed to have started by now. But people are still finding their seats, something that kills me. Just sit your asses down, it all you people ever do anyways, all hungry with only one chief in the kitchen i.e. ME. I’ll strangle the person who sits in their seat last.

With that thought over, quite conveniently, the doors open, slowly but surely she’s revealed.

Her image at first is comical, a wedding dress with huge shoulder puffs and white fabric covering her arms, the body of the dress being too long for her, she’ll appreciate some nice dresses later, I think. Her actual face and body though…On her little head two round and tiny ears poke through her hair, soft and lightly curled fizzing in just the most adorable way. Her little whiskers, which I couldn’t see in the dark of the last room, stand on end, the end of each being black. And finally those eyes again. For a moment I lose my posture and lose myself, she’s looking entirely at me, not just perceiving me, but staring at me, taking me all in. All her attention right where it belongs. I silently thank my brother for being the idiot he is. A fortune for a loss I suppose.

She slowly climbs her way to the end of the aisle and as she gets closer the clearer I can hear her heartbeat but it kills me knowing how others can hear it too. She’s right in front of me when I decide to bend down and offer my hand to her. She takes a moment, breathing shallowly, looking at my hand and then right at me. Her eyes pierce me and for a moment I just wanna grab her, Just make others stop looking at her. And then she finally takes my hand. Despite what I would have guessed, the pads to her hands were rough, deeply callused and slightly scared from who knows what. But her fur itself is so soft, and funnily enough just a little bit damp still.

The priest begins his little sermon but I can't be made to listen despite the absurdly loud volume of his voice. One point does get through to me. “This new age is paid in the blood and body of our newest queen!” I couldn’t have put that part better, it sounds so damn romantic, carnal. After all, every new age is paid for in the blood and bodies of those who bring it about. Then i realize something. I didn’t even think to ask her fucking name, dumbass, dumbass, dumbass!! How many times were you around people who knew her name? Mont! Her Parents! Father! My Brother for fucks sake! And then he says it.

“Celica, do you take this man-”

My breath hitches in my throat when he barely has finished the sentence and she shouts “YES!” Her voice is like honey.

Moments later I’m asked the same question and I answer with as romantic a voice I can muster and a deep nod. I stop listening again, stoop down to as low as I can get and rub my beak against her cheek, and when my beak is just past her hair I take a deep breath in to smell her, just as I wanted she was totally dosed in the same oils as me, so she smells woody with some mint, but what I wasn’t expecting was a hint of something other, her own smell. She smelled like berries and fresh earth, like morning dew. That moment alone convinced me to stop trying to make her smell like me and instead make myself smell like her.

I spend the rest of the night promising to hold onto her, both so that i can get the delicious smell on me and also so i dont lose her or worse step on her hehe~ We skip out on the festivities, at first I try to ask her questions but she rarely seems to hear them which, given the sound of the music I couldn’t blame her for, so I am content with just her touch for now.

When food started to come out, just as I had wanted, only the meats that I had hunted were served as roasts, pies, stews and soups and in almost every piece of food.

“Here my wife, eat.” I push a bowl of some roast into her hands which she quickly tries to put down to my distress.

“Please, I can’t.” She says very quickly.

I try again to get her to eat, “No i insist me dear-”

“Please don’t make me. I can’t.”

I finally let her put the bowl down with a quiet, “alright dear.” Though she did eat. A few courses later she began to eat small pieces of fruit, my favorite type as well. Rosen Berries, big meaty berries that fit snugly in my own hand, so I quickly cut some up for her while she sat in my lap and offered her the small pieces while I tore into the rest. In one instance I saw her just watching me eat, her eyes wide with wonder, likely at how I ate it.

Finally when the cake came around she ate a full slice, more than enough for her little body. But from the doorway came a loud pair of yelps, presumably from her parents as they were ordered to leave. I tried to tell the guards that they caused no harm being there but they only confirmed what I likely already knew, mother had ordered them out. They are terribly loud so I can’t blame her too much, but to just try and sweep them away, it made them look terribly rude, but even worse is that it caused my wife Celica to lounge out of my lap and onto the floor where she began to run on all fours. Incredibly unsightly but I can more than excuse it given this will likely be the last time she sees them. The guards tried to pull her off of them for a moment but I ordered them back so they could at least get in a half proper goodbye in.

She jumps on her father and her mother jumps on them both in an embrace filled with more love than I could probably ever muster up. That’s something i'll need to work on for her.

Her mother says something strange to her though, “Be so strong my love, I know you are.” she holds onto her until I finally let the guards pick her up, to take her away to the carriage, where her husband went several minutes before her, where she also stops resisting and begins to cry. I feel terrible for Celica.

I look down and see her sitting in the grass. I leave her there for a moment thinking for anything that might soothe her. And then an Idea strikes me.

When I return I bare my offering of cake. Just after sitting, I picked out the most lovely piece left.

“I brought you something my wife,” she stares at it for a moment. “I know it’s hard, but it will get better, I promise.”

Finally she reaches for the plate, pulls it close to her and puts the bite into her beautiful mouth. I pull her close to me.

“Good girl Celica. There is hope yet, you need only look for it my darling.”

We sit there for a moment longer. Her head nuzzles into my side.

“I promise to take care of you,” I whisper, “no harm, physical, mental or emotional shall befall you if I can do something about it. I promise.”

We spend the rest of the reception sitting on the grass watching the stars.

We retire to our room late into the night, I hold her swaddled to my chest, and I realize I'm so tired I'll soon drop her if I don't focus enough. We enter our room and as soon as the door closes she leaps out of my arms face first into the bed, bum in the air. This greatly catches me off guard.

“Oh! Well someones eager! I can indulge-”

“No! No, I really don’t want to, I-I- I don't even know you, your highness!”

“Oh, my mistake my dear,” I raise my hands to show I won't reach for her, “we move at your pace I promise.”

I walk over to the cabinet to fetch some of my sleeping clothes, “Looks like when they moved my things they just moved the whole cabinet, very convenient. Speaking of convenience,” I walk over to her chest of things, “I had this moved here so you actually have something to wear my love, nothing to worry about. I’m going to change, if you don’t mind.” I swiftly head to the toilet room where when I close the door I hear her immediately jump from the bed, walk across the floor and open her chest and swiftly close it again.

It doesn't take me long to get out of my clothes and into my night pants, and given the warm night and the possibility for great heat I skip out on the night shirt. When I walk out she just looks at me, “Like what you see darling?”

She doesn't respond, instead saying, “No wonder the bed’s so big.”

“Hmm, oh the wings! I’m glad you like them.”

“Hey… could I ask you to do something and you not act on what that action usually means?”

“What do you mean Celica?”

She turned to show me her back.

“Oh dear no, that’s what your lady in waiting is for, not if we're not going to have- You know, not consummate-”

She just stared for a moment before saying, “...Please?”

“Uu- Well I-... Alright fine,” I gesture to the bed, “Hop on up Celica.”

And she does just that, almost. Instead she smashes her face against the mattress side of the bed and no matter how hard I wish to stop myself I let out a loud crowing laugh that’s only muffled by slamming my beak shut, something that is only manually done. She glowers at me but I can’t stop myself. Before I’m done with my fit she gets a determined look on her face and she steps backward to attempt the same. I try to stop her as she’s clearly not a very good shot but when I nearly reach her she’s in the air between my arms and beak.

She then looked back at me, back to me and said, “Just help me, please.” and when I was done being impressed i did just that, pulling at the soft fabric of her dress until it was a mop on the floor.

“Good riddance if you ask me.”

I then started on pulling the corset laces free, inch by inch she breathed in more deeply, becoming just a little more accessible. Finally, I had her completely free of all string and she quickly took it upon herself to free herself of that corset all together, she then jumped to the other end of the bed, claiming it, before pulling off her underdress. I quickly averted my eyes but it wouldn’t have made a difference, she just as quickly pulled her night gown back on, but to be honest I couldn't help just admire her body for a moment longer. The dress was more like a shirt on her, leaving her legs almost completely bare, save for a strap of white lingerie that attached to her underwear, a nice treat any other time but right now only serving to tease. Her legs themselves were strong though, like she's been running since she was a babe which might very well be true. Her arms are much the same only now revealing small scares up and down each arm. But her coloring was the most interesting to me, a golden brown on the outer sides of her legs and arm but pure white on the insides of her thighs and presumably her belly and chest.

And with that it was time to go to bed.

“If we're not going to consummate tonight… I’m going to go to sleep. This’ll be probably the only night that I'll be able to go to bed, I’m not the best sleeper to be honest.” With that I pull down the main blanket and the hides and slip inside myself. Celica quickly follows suit.

After a moment of her staring at me she turns to her other side and begins to fall asleep. It’s not long before sleep sweeps over me as well.

I wake up in the very early hours of the morning, the birds are awake but the sun has yet to show itself. I look down and there is Celica, curled up in a ball right beside me. I look around for a moment and find a hide and slip it over her sleeping body and she untenses just a bit. For once it takes me no time at all to fall back to sleep with her wrapped in my arms.

#original writing #romance #original character #slow burn #inhuman character #forced/arranged marrage #talks of murder/canabalism #writeblr #talks of sex #how the hell did i do this #this only took me a few hours i guess?#Was up till 2 cuz i “had to finish”#Already working on the next part #but damn it man #this is 26 pages on docs #I've never even written that much for school #help lol #also contrary to what Mont says Lemal is an idiot

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squids-comics · 8 months

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I've come up with a way to make sure I write everyday!! I've had an idea floating around for a while of a sci-fi cosmic horror series loosely inspired by Star Trek. I started it yesterday and just finished the first chapter today!! The story is told from the perspective of the crew, through the logs they record, each one making up one chapter and being around 500 words long. I'm going to try to write one log every day!! Here's the cover of the series I made for Wattpad, as well as the first chapter if you're interested!

Log One: Departure

Peregrination Ships Log One, Captain Hudson speaking.

There are two reasons to be listening to this log; either our mission was a success and you're a scholar studying our story years later, or we have failed and humanity is doomed. I sincerely hope for the former over the latter.

Our planet died. The temperature rose higher and higher over the course of decades, as the sun slowly expanded. We're not sure what caused it, we're not sure how it could have been avoided. But out planet, our home, all our culture and history burned to the ground, lost in a sea of flame. The Peregrination is one of 50 ships that survived that day. The governments of the world had just enough time to load 50 ships full of people and supplies, rocketing them out into the void of space before the fires turned everything to ash. We have one mission, find a new, habitable zone out in the universe and rebuild.

The Peregrination is a large cruiser, possessing exactly 5321 crew members and all the necessary supplies to keep them alive. We have engineers and doctors, scientists and lawyers, teachers and farmers, everything needed to get civilization started again. We were one of the larger ships in the fleet. The smaller ships had crews closer to 800, with the smallest at a crew of 509. The largest is at a population of just over 20,000.

We were barely out of the solar system when the sun engulfed the planet. We were outside the fire, but still close enough to watch it all burn. The crew gathered by the windows of the ship to stop and stare. It was mesmerizing. A giant wave of fire, swallowing all we knew. The world burned to a crisp, like a marshmallow held too close to a campfire. Everything we had ever done had been on that planet. Every memory had been formed down there. But now we all had a new memory, one we shared with each other. Watching our home burn in silence, wishing we didn't have to leave. We left behind so much. My father was down there. And now- Well... I don't really want to think about it.

We have individual and family quarters in our ship, as well as farms and leisure areas, giving our crew comfortable spaces to live and work. We are self sufficient. We could survive on this ship for generations if we needed to. I hope it doesn't come to that, but at least we'll be ready.

We are plotting a course for a nearby galaxy, travelling alone. Some of the smaller ships grouped together to keep each other company on the voyage, but The Peregrination is making a lone journey. But we have each other's company to keep us sane. That should be enough.

I must return to my duties now, I have to help the crew settle into their quarters. Mr. Smith in particular has complained about his quarters. He says he feels dizzy. Might just be the stress of the exodus we have all undergone. I will update the logs when next I get a chance.

End of log.

Thank you for reading through!! I hope you enjoyed! Follow me on here or over on Wattpad (@SquidsComics) if you want chapter two, which will hopefully be up tomorrow!!

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accountingacademic · 10 months

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Motivated and Exhausted

Daily Reflection Saturday, 25 November 2023

Highlights:

My planner is finally in Canada, and according to Canada Post, it should be here on the 30th.

It felt great to get past that chapter for Personal Finance. One more to do, but I'm going to work on the things that are due before that lecture first.

Challenges:

The chapter I'm working on for Personal Finance is a long one. I'm hoping to get through this one tonight though, then I technically have until Friday to get through the next one.

I don't like the looseleaf I picked up over the summer. It's Five Star heavyweight paper, which I loved before because it was low show-through and low bleed-through. But it's not as good as it used to be (we still have a bit of the supply I had from high school that I can compare with) and damn does it feather like a bitch with fountain pens.

I can't do the Challenges on Connect because they aren't available. If they aren't released by Monday and I don't see the instructor while I'm there, I'll email her when I get home about it. Hopefully someone else reaches out first, though.

Finding quotes is kind of a pain, honestly. I don't think I'm going to keep doing it every day.

Emotions:

I'm a bit disappointed about the Challenge Nova Scotia results. There was supposed to be an email going out yesterday at noon, but I haven't heard anything yet. Even the teachers I talked to who were involved hadn't heard anything about it.

Physically, I'm exhausted. I have a terrible mattress and it's hard to sleep on (definitely something I'm going to look into replacing if I get a decent co-op and/or summer job), which is of course affecting my energy levels throughout the day. Mentally though, I'm excited and ready to do stuff!

Tomorrow's To-Do List:

Send the first party plan to my groupmates on Teams.

Change bedding.

Get laundry done.

#accountingacademic #accounting academic #accounting #studyblr #college #productivity #study #daily reflections #november #2023 #november 2023

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bri22222 · 11 months

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Below The Surface

Fnaf fan fiction

Chapter 6: Another Cheerful Soul

‘Huh?’

Bri quickly turned around in one swift move to face where the voice was coming from. It also seemed to get the attention of the daycare attendant, which was smiling just as brightly as before.

A girl with long dark brown hair and a half orange half blue button-up t-shirt and black leggings and sneakers, jogged towards Bri and Sun with a huge smile.

“Friend!" Sun exclaimed. He's familiar with the girl. She looks like she would work in the daycare with her colorful outfit.

“ Hi! “ the girl proclaimed. “You must be the new handler! It's so nice to meet you!" The girl hugged her tightly as a warm welcome.

“ Uhm, hi! I'm Bri! “ Bri hinted as she hugged the mysterious girl back. Whoever this girl is, she can definitely see her being her friend after this. The girl backed out of the embrace.

“MaKenna! MaKenna Ryan.but you can call me Mak for short. “She stated. She still kept that signature smile on her face like she hadn't seen Bri in forever. She looked up at Sun.

“ Sorry about Sunny. He can be a biiiit much at times, but I promise he has good intentions!" she stressed. Sometimes Sun can be a bit much to handle with all his energy and his spirited attitude, but he means good.

“ It's really ok. I have a rowdy and energetic sibling so I know what it's like." Bri explained. She did have a younger brother, but they hardly hangout. So she doesn't talk much about him.

“ Ok, that's a relief. “ she settled. "Uh, you ok? “ she asked Bri. At first Bri was confused. She was feeling fine. A little better than before when she met one of her coworkers, that seems like a good friend for her.

“ Huh? I'm fine." Bri claimed. Mak then looked at her abraded elbow from when she had fell at least twenty minutes ago.

“ Oh that? I just tripped earlier, I'm ok." she assured her.

“ A-are you sure?" Mak questioned. For some reason, Bri seemed to find a similarity between Sun and Mak. They both are caring and energetic. Not at all self-centered. Quite the opposite at that.

“Yes, I'm sure,” she reassured her. There was a slight pain when she poked at it but it was just a scrape.

“ So uh, are you supposed to be somewhere? You are the new handler right? “ Mak questioned.

“Oh right! Yeah, I am.I was just on a tour. But I think I should-'' she was cut off by a booming voice across the daycare. The whole pizzaplex too.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex is closing in 10 minutes. Please make your way to the exit and we’ll see you again soon!” The intercom announced.

“ Well, that's my cue!" Bri implied.

“ I'll walk you out!” Mak exclaimed. She started walking over to the security desk.

“ Bye Sun!" Bri waved farewell to the jester. As he gladly returned a huge wave and a booming smile.

“ Bye friend! Come back soon!" He cheered.

Mak grabbed her backpack, keys, phone, and security badge and started heading toward the vast wooden doors. With Bri following not far behind.

“ Alright Sun” Mak started. “ I'll be back at 7:30 tomorrow, like always." she explained.

“ Yes! Yes of course! “ Sun beamed. He knew she would return tomorrow. Hopefully his new friend would return as well.

—------------------------------------

Soon after Bri and Mak left the daycare, they walked through where Bri first came in.

“ So, what got you to get a job here as a handler?" Mak questioned. How did she get here as a handler? Did she apply because she was a glamrock fan or did she just pick this job and hope for the best

“ Well, I just moved here from New Hampshire, and I really needed a job. My best friend Alex and I got an apartment together and we plan to live here for a while. She applied for this job too. I think she left about… “ she paused and grabbed her phone out of her pocket and checked the time. It showed 9:50 pm.

“About two hours ago. “ she finished.

“ So what did she apply for?" Mak asked

“Handler. Same as me." she remarked

They both walked past the huge golden Freddy statue in the middle of the lobby.

“Who did you get?" Mak questioned.

“ Come again?"

“Which animatronic did you get assigned to handle?" she blurted.

“Oh that. I don't know yet. “ Bri assured her. She started to think about that. She had now realized that Brian never told her which glamrock she's assigned to.

“ Which one do you hope you get then?" Mak pushed.

“ Freddy. He's so kind and caring. Not at all like Monty. “ she claimed.

“ I could agree. Although I really do like caring for Sun and Moon. “ Mak claimed.

“ Moon? Who's Moon?" Bri asked. ‘Brian never said anything about another daycare attendant animatronic.’

“O-oh. U-um-”

“ Bri!" an unknown voice booms across the area. Brian jogged towards us, pretty much sprinting.

“ There you are!" he pants “ I forgot to give you your uniform."

“Oh uh, ok." Bri spoke. She's excited for her new uniform. At her last job, she was a waiter at a diner. ‘Fredbears Family Diner’. It used to have two animatronics there. A bear and a bunny.

They were nothing like the glamrocks, not a bit. They had a lot less movement capabilities. They just stood there on stage, swaying side to side. Singing and playing music for children.

They recently shut the place down due to rumors about children going missing. Whatever that was about, it was the least of Bri’s concerns right now. Her priorities were set on her new job. What she will be doing now.

“ Well, see you around Bri!" Mak finally spoke.

“Yeah, see ya!" she returned.

“Come to my office. I have it there." Brian said as he started to walk toward the entry booths. Bri followed. There was a small room behind the right entry booth. Which is Brian's office.

They both walk into the office, Brian starts rummaging through a random box behind his desk.

“ So, how did the tour go?" he questioned.

“ Eh, it went alright” she ran into some people- er animatronics here and there, but she just shrugged it off.

“That reminds me, I don't think you ever told me which animatronic I am assigned to." she commented.

“Oh! Apologies, I must have forgotten. “ he said. He dropped what he was doing and picked up what looked like a file. He skimmed through a few pages then settled on one.

“Looks like you have…... .Montgomery.” he speaks at last.

Bri nearly chokes on air.

“Montgomery? The alligator?” Bri implied. She, being paired with him? After the encounter she had with him a little over an hour ago? Hell no. This cannot be true.

“Yes. I know he's ... .not the brightest, but I'm sure he’ll warm up to you.” He persuades her. She tries to recall a time where she read that some of the gator's handlers quit because of him. Some were left injured.

Brian went back to scavenging through the box once again. Not long after he pulled out a pale green t-shirt.

“Here.” He presents the shirt to her with an outstretched hand. She retrieves the shirt and unfolds it to take a better look. Its pale green with a small image of star shaped sunglasses and a small purple lightning bolt. She turns it around to see the word ‘Handler’ on the back written in bold, purple letters.

“What do you think?" he questioned eagerly.

“It's…..nice.” she replied.

“Great! Here's your badge so you can get in tomorrow. Don't be late.” he says. It's very clear he doesn't want her to be late. If Bri can get her lazy ass out of bed that is.

“Ok, see you then." she waves farewell with her free hand. She walks out of the office and straight through

the main doors. She gets inside her car and grips the wheel tight.

“ Why did I get myself into this shit?"

—-----------------------------

#self insert #monty fnaf #fnaf oc #sun fnaf #fnaf sb

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caralynsmoved · 5 years

Text

the most wonderful time of the year

fandom: 911onfox characters: quinn callahan ( original female character ), athena grant-nash, sean callahan ( original male character ), bobby nash, fire fam ft. karen wilson and maddie buckley. pairing(s): athena grant-nash/bobby nash, maddie buckley/howie “ chimney “ han, hen wilson/karen wilson, allusions to evan “ buck “ buckley/eddie diaz rating: general audiences setting: sometime after the ice skating and a little before the christmas spirit episode, idk timelines are hard and i wrote this before the actual christmas ep aired. notes: so quinn is my oc formed of my love of kennedy mcmann and my need to just want more ocs basically. also s/o to @henwilsons bc she is pretty much quinn’s creator and a second s/o to @liesoverthec because when i posted hey who wants to hear about this oc you know nothing about it sweet bon-bon went me ! i do ! and made me giggle at work so here goes ?? ps. you can refer to this original post about quinnie if you want !

∞

“ should i ask how you found me or should we just skip to the why ? “ quinn asked, not even looking up from the drink in front of her.

“ maybe skip to why you haven’t been answering my calls, huh ? “ athena asked, taking a seat beside at the nearly empty bar.

quinn was sure in a few hours the now nearly empty bar would pack up with hopeful christmas couples, people looking for someone to spend the holidays with, mostly people trying to avoid the holidays in one of the most effective ways around .. at least that’s what she was trying to do before athena showed up.

“ i’ve been busy, you know holidays make people nostalgic for estranged family, lost holiday gifts, missed connections with that certain somewhere who winked at you while you were singing to last christmas on the subway. “ quinn said, taking a drink before she looked over to the woman at her side.

“ think you could still make some time for holidays, quinn, get your stocking all hung up. “ the stocking had been an addition during her first christmas with the grants. she had slept in the guest room and woken to a stocking on the fireplace bearing her name right next to everyone else’s. it had been one of the first times she had let herself celebrate the holidays since her dad … the stocking now got put up every year.

“ athena … “ quinn pressed a hand against her forehead, eyes closed tightly for a moment as she thought of the bright lights of christmas, watching rudolph curled into her dad’s side, hot cocoa in the middle of the night like a secret and the shadow that hung over them after he was gone, “ i don’t know, “

“ i know it’s been hard for you, lately. “ athena said, pushing the glass away just enough in hopes quinn wouldn’t notice, “ especially now, but baby you can’t keep hiding yourself away, there are people in your life now who love you, who want to be there for you .. if you’ll let them. “

quinn knew they would be, they had proven it in a hundred different ways; bobby being by her side after the tsunami when he wasn’t at buck’s, eddie going sparring with her at the gym when it all became much for either of them, buck and maddie stubbornly tailing with her on long stakeouts, hen and chim pulling her into team dinners at the station, it was even christopher or denny’s little hand reaching up for hers like they could trust her implicitly. the problem wasn’t that she didn’t know they were there the problem was they could easily be gone in an instant; one wrong call, one second too late, between one breath and the next … gone just like that. she’s already carrying one ghost she doesn’t know if her chest has room for any more.

“ one more ? “ the bartender, either not catching athena’s warning gaze or not caring ( it was more likely the second ) asked, jolting her out of her thoughts and she fumbled.

“ i .. i … ummm, “ words suddenly stuck in her throat as she felt the weight of it all fall on her shoulders with a rush, “ i need some air, “

the young woman pushed away from the bar and athena’s well meaning hands as she stumbled her way to the alley, falling down against it and letting the cold brick pressed against her back and shoulders chill her heated skin. out of control wasn’t a feeling she liked at all, out of control was something she didn’t get a luxury to feel because there wasn’t anyone around to catch her when it happened, no one to shield her when she fell or got too loud or did the wrong thing. out of control is how all of this made her feel and she pressed her forehead to her knees with a frustrated whine.

“ merry christmas, baby girl. “

the hands fell away from the little girl’s eyes and she saw white decorating the ground and it felt like magic,

“ snow ! “ instead of whirling straight into the white fluff the girl beelined for her dad behind her, wrapping her arms around him, “ you did it , daddy ! “

strong arms picked her up and twirled her around as she squealed and laughed as bright as the sun even as her dad clutched her to his chest and fell backward into the soft whiteness of the snow that glittered across their yard. she wriggled from his grasp as he rolled them around in the snow and looked up at her dad who smiled at her like he always did, “ told you i’d make it snow for you, quinnie, anything for my girl. “

it had never snowed like that in la and now that she was older she knew her dad had pulled strings to get snow in their yard, a simple call to a company, but to a little girl who wanted the realness of snow it had been everything and her dad had known that. they had stayed out there all day until they were soaked and shivering, he had coaxed her inside with hot chocolate and rudolph and she had fallen asleep in the window seat watching the snow settled in the yard … it had been their last christmas.

there was the click of heels on asphalt, a ruffle of fabric and a sigh before athena was settled next to her once more, wanting nothing more than to reach out and pull the girl into her arms.

“ i’m sorry, “ the words were old hat to quinn who spent her life either spitting them dismissively or profusing them to a grieving client … or the woman next to her, “ i’m so sorry. “

“ there’s nothing for you to apologize for, quinn. “ the softness in athena’s voice, the mom voice she and may always have teasingly called it makes her ache, makes her want for things she’s too afraid to have, too afraid to lose. “ i know you’re scared and it’s hard for you especially this time of year and as much as i want to just make it all better for you i can’t. “

quinn felt her green eyes sting with the press of tears and a sniffle following athena’s words had a gentle hand brushing pale red curls away from her face, stroking through her hair, “ i don’t … i don’t think i can do this anymore. “

the hand that was slowly brushing through her curls moved to turn her chin and she was met with a sad but no less warm smile, “ you don’t have to, not anymore. not if you don’t want to. “

it could be so easy …

“ i’m terrified, “ it was quinn’s breathless admission that had been held back like a warning she displayed to anyone who came close; damaged goods, broken toy, don’t come close; dead inside. athena had seen it all, pushed past the warning signs like a challenge and held her close even when she fought her, maybe especially when she fought her.

“ i know. “ two words seemed to signal some sort of click in quinn’s head as the tears built up spilled down her cheek and off her chin, “ being scared though it’s just a part of loving something or someone but it doesn’t mean you should just never let yourself feel it again. i’m scared whenever bobby walks out the door in the morning, i’m scared when i say goodbye to the kids, i’m scared whenever you don’t answer the phone and maybe it would be less terrifying to just pack it all in, but then i’d miss out on all the good that love brings me, all the people it brings into my life. “

a sob crackled through her chest and escaped her, it sounded aching and tired, it sounded like her. in a second she was swept into warm arms and cradled like she was something fragile. “ you’re going to be okay, i’ve got you now, i’ve got you, baby girl. “

she wasn’t naive enough to think one breakdown in a bar’s alleyway would magically fix everything, that she would dry her eyes and feel put together, but it was a start, it was a soothe to some of her jagged edges, it was a way to breathe again.

∞

tears dried and smudged makeup wiped away by skilled fingers, quinn shuffled in behind athena into the warm chaos that was the grant-nash household. there were decorations strewn about throughout the home, soft christmas music playing over a speaker, the smell of dinner wafting throughout and the sound of voices carrying over everything.

“ and i’m telling you that you’re wrong ! “ was buck’s shout that rang out through the house and greeted the two women as they came into the living area. the blond was sat on a couch with eddie and was halfway leaned off of it to meet chim who was sat with a fondly grinning maddie, hen with an arm wrapped around her wife rounded out the team.

“ except i’m not and you are, respect your elders, remember, buck ? “ chim quipped back at him, hands waving around that maddie skillfully dodged before gently grabbing one to hold which of course earned a sappy smile from her boyfriend. the words themselves drew a snort from eddie whose shoulder was promptly whacked by buck.

“ what are they arguing about now ? “ athena asked as she came into the kitchen where her husband was opening a bottle of wine with quinn once more trailing behind her, feeling oddly unsure even in the shelter that this home was to her, “ i thought when i left they were bonding over the music. “

“ which of course led to them arguing about christmas music .. i’m pretty sure they’re actually arguing about which is the classic christmas song. “ bobby said, an amused smile on his face as he came around to hand his wife a glass of wine and a kiss, “ glad you could make it, quinn. “

eyes drifting towards the mantle hung with stockings quinn almost started as she was pulled back to the present and offered the older man a half smile, “ me too, bobby. “

“ just because you’re older doesn’t make you right, chim ! “ buck said, leaning that much more forward only to be pulled back by eddie’s hand on his shirt keeping him from toppling straight off the couch.

“ and just cause you’re the baby, doesn’t make you right either ! “ whatever response buck had ready and waiting fell away at chim’s words and he sputtered.

“ baby ?! i am not the baby ! “

“ you’re literally the youngest person here, buckaroo. “

“ that doesn’t make me the baby ! “

“ throwing the temper tantrum might though, bambi. “ quinn quipped, making her way to the crowd and taking a seat next to karen who gave her a smile and a pat to her knee that had her sinking easily against the cushions.

“ come on, “ buck said, voice dropping from a shout to an indignant whine as he looked around at all of them, “ did you guys have to tell her about that ? “

“ well you just looked so adorable flailing around out there, i couldn’t help it. “ hen said, cooing at him leaving buck leaning back against the couch with a huff.

“ says you, i think i grew like ten gray hairs everytime he almost faceplanted. “ eddie chimed in, the same fondly exasperated look on his face he had on the ice that day.

“ i was not that bad. “ buck said, dodging the hand that eddie used to ruffle at his hair as his cheeks flushed with a blush.

“ not how i heard it. “ quinn said, pulling her socked feet up underneath her on the loveseat as her words caused buck to pout. “ aww, don’t pout, bambi. it’s almost christmas. “ maddie teased her brother earning a dramatic kiss on the cheek from her boyfriend.

“ i swear if that sticks .. “ the blond said, looking at all of them with a half-pleading, half-glaring expression on his face.

drinks were passed around as bobby and athena came to join them and for a moment it seemed like everything was there, everything she was so afraid to have and she thought once more of how quick and easy it would be to lose it all. then like that day in the hospital bobby asks her to help him in the kitchen and the confused glances are worth the easiness to draw in a breath,

“ better ? “ she’s not stupid, she knows there was nothing bobby actually needed help with and something about the realization makes her fingers tingle and ache as she runs a hand through her hair and looks up to meet his sympathetic gaze.

“ thanks, bobby. “ quinn doesn’t ask how he knew, how he always seems to know because the answers are there in all the things he does and says; the shadows that sometimes swim behind his gaze, the way he looks at buck, may and harry like he’s found something he never thought he’d find again .. sometimes she thinks they just see echoes of their pasts in each other.

“ no problem, kid. “ bobby said with this understanding smile as he stands next to her, a hand rubbing her shoulder and she thinks last year she never would have been able to do this, never would have let bobby this close, she thinks maybe this is what all that cliched talk of healing is supposed to mean, little things like this. she thinks maybe this she can do.

green eyes floating towards where the stockings hung once more and then towards the crowd of family scattered throughout the living room she took a breath, thought of her dad without a vice grip on her heart, the way the snow felt against her cheek when he rolled them around and how it felt when she saw her stocking on the mantel with all the others and how if anything else it made all the painful ache in her chest ebb just enough. it was funny how she felt like bambi herself in this moment, shaky legged and unsure as she made her way towards the mantle and picked up the red and white striped stocking with her name stitched in green lettering.

“ you’re my brave girl, you know that ? “ her dad said, reaching out to tweak her nose causing her to scrunch her features with a giggle.

“ daddys always say that. “ she protested, legs swinging where she was sat on the kitchen counter.

“ that’s because daddys are always right, “ he said with a knowing smile as he smoothed the bandage over her knee and reached behind him and like the magic she always assumed her dad had produced a bright blue sucker, “ especially when it comes to their brave girls. “

a breath in and a breath out and she carefully placed the stocking on the hook already placed and waiting for her.

“ looks good up there. “ athena’s voice called from where she was sat and quinn nodded, a smile she hadn’t felt in what felt like such a long time curving her lips as she looked at it before making her way back to her seat with the family and sat down, legs curling underneath her as she looked around at them. these people; these, crazy, wonderful, hilarious, strong and sweet people were hers and maybe she was even theirs. for now, that was enough, for now she could do this.

“ yeah, yeah it does. “

“ merry christmas, baby girl. “ a ruffle of her hair, a kiss against her forehead and the smell of his cologne so clear and present, curling around her like a memory, like a blanket.

#→ once as soft as water / quinn callahan #→ here to stand between you and the chaos / 911onfox #→ write until it feels as natural as breathing / abigail writes #so here's some soft angst about quinn #it's really on brand that i started this a week or two before christmas #and it's now the end of feburary before i finished and posted it #but here it is !#eventually more will be posted about quinn #also feel free to ask about her if you want !#after this i have a canon-divergent auish lone star fic in the work #that should hopefully have the first chapter up tomorrow while i'm at work of course lol #but anyways enjoy and validate me mrs. chanandler bong please !

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imaginationintowords · 4 years

Text

Folklore [song series]

mirrorball

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word count: 2110

[a/n: thanks for being patient with me! hope you guys enjoy this new chapter! if i forgot to tag you please inbox me]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Year: Summer 2014

Steve flopped down onto his bed, tired after today's events. Elizabeth softly laid down next to him, Steve wrapped his arm around her bringing her closer to his chest.

"Today was a day," he tiredly says.

"You okay?" She asked him.

After Bucky had left there was a sadness aura that followed Steve for the rest of the party. He had no clue what he had expected Bucky's reaction to be, but definitely not the one he got. He had even prepared himself fo a fight, he was grateful that didn't happen. He just wasn't expecting for Bucky to shut down and leave. Not even accepting his offer of having a conversation later.

He knew that Bucky just needed his space, time to think it all over. But the look on Bucky's face had Steve questioning whether or not he would ever come around.

It threw Steve off when Bucky requested that he breakup with Elizabeth. He couldn't believe his best friend would want his own happiness to suffer.

His whole life he had done everything possible to keep Bucky happy. After what Bucky and his family had to go through with his father, Steve made it his mission to never let his friend feel that way again. Granted he was only 7 when he made that promise to himself, he still kept it.

Steve had never put himself first, at least not until he had made the decision to go to school in California. He had even thought about changing his plans after his breakup with Elizabeth but he knew his parents would've been disappointed with that decision.

He had put Bucky first his entire life, what he's doing isn't selfish. Yet he can't help but feel like the most selfish person ever.

What if he was keeping Elizabeth from truly being happy? What if she just didn't want to break his heart? What if she just didn't want to break his heart during a family event? What if come tomorrow she would tell him the truth, that she was really still in love with Bucky.

He's not sure he could handle that heartbreak.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Elizabeth asked, breaking Steve from his self destructive thoughts.

"I won't be mad if you still love him," Steve says, "I'd understand."

Elizabeth quickly sat up to get a look of Steve's face to make sure he was being serious. It nearly broke her to see how defeated he looked. She's never seen him so down, not even after his breakup with Peggy.

"You don't have to pretend to save my feelings," he continues, "If it meant you were happy, that's all I care about. If being with Bucky makes you happy, then please don't let me stand in the way."

"Oh Steve," she gently caresses his face, staring down at him, "I wasn't lying earlier when I told Bucky that I didn't love him anymore. And i most definitely wasn't lying when I said that I love you, because I do love you, with my whole heart. You make me happy. The happiest I've ever been. Bucky was my past. You are my now, and hopefully my future.

"If you can't see how truly great you are, then I must not be doing my job as not only your girlfriend, but you're friend," she says, "Because you make me feel special every single day. And I just want you to feel the way you've made me feel."

"It's not your fault," Steve softly says, grasping her hand to place a kiss on her knuckles.

"Growing up I've always been second to Bucky," he explains, "Everyone seemed to prefer him over me. Whether it was girls or just our friends. It was always Bucky then Steve."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think back on their time growing up. She couldn't help but feel guilty when she realized that everything Steve is saying is true.

After she and Bucky got together, Steve sort of became an after thought, not because they purposefully excluded him, it never crossed their mind simply because Steve also had Peggy at the time. But after Peggy left, Elizabeth never really got to talk to Steve about how he felt, because she got caught up in her own drama.

"Steve, I'm so sorry," she apologizes, "I should've known then about how you felt. I was so caught up in my own shit, I never realized that you could've been going through your own stuff."

"Liz, it was never your fault," he says, "You were going through your own stuff. And I had learned to suppress it. Plus Bucky was your boyfriend at the time, of course i wasn't really on your mind. Plus it's kind of my fault for allowing it to happen. I never spoke up about it. I just always went along, figuring it was better than nothing."

"Once I got to Berkeley that's when everything changed," his mood shifts a bit to a much lighter feel, "I no longer felt like the shadow of a person. I felt like my own person for the first time ever. I was able to become someone I never thought possible. I am no longer 'scrawny Steve, Bucky's best friend'. I just became 'Steve' or 'Rogers'."

Elizabeth smiled at the way Steve's eyes lit up when talking.

"I had never imagined myself leaving New York, let alone making the permanent move to California," he confesses, "As much as I love it here, California is where I feel I belong. I know you feel it too."

Elizabeth nods her head agreeing with him. She felt the same way, as much as New York was her childhood home, California was where she felt her heart aching for. Where she felt like she belonged, where she could thrive. The more she spent time there, the more it felt like home, that's why moving there wasn't a tough decision for her.

"Coming back here," Steve says, causing Elizabeth to shift back her focus on him, "It just makes me feel like that scrawny kid all over again. I feel like no matter how hard I try to shed that image, Brooklyn will never see me for who I am now, but for who I was then. Like no matter what I do I will always be 'little' Steve Rogers."

"I know you feel it too," he says looking up at her.

She did. She did feel stuck in the past whenever she came back home. It seemed like life stood still here, while outside of Brooklyn everything is moving ahead. She knows it's only because she grew up there, and had nothing to do with Brooklyn itself. Once she was in California, she got a taste of life outside of Brooklyn, and she's not sure if she would want to go back. So moving there was an easier choice for her to make.

"I do," she agrees, "It's why moving to California was an easy decision for me to make."

"I wasn't even sure I was even going to make it to California," he says.

"Why is that?"

"Felt like I was disappointing my parents," he confesses, "We had always discussed me going to Columbia as a pre-med major. That had been the original plan. It wasn't like they were forcing it on me. More like I was forcing it onto myself.

"It was the 'safer' choice, granted the longer one, but in the end it all would've been worth it. For some reason as a child I believed that was the only way my parents would've been proud of me. Regardless of the fact that they were already proud and would tell me constantly. I just put that pressure on myself."

"It wasn't until junior year that Mr. Lawson, my high school art teacher said I should apply to some art schools," he continues, "Then after I had a long discussion with the guidance counselor she agreed as well, saying I would get in no problem with whatever art field I applied in.

"I never really gave my drawing much thought. It was just something I would do. Also a career in art is not exactly financially stable, or at all stable. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply to a couple of schools as an architecture major. Never really gave it a second thought."

Steve pauses, "I did get into Columbia."

"Steve, no fucking way," Elizabeth gasp sitting up straighter, "I never even heard."

"That's because I only told my parents," he says, "I got the acceptance email the same day I got NYU's and Berkeley's, where I hadn't applied as pre-med, which my parents didn't know of at the time."

"Wow," Elizabeth responds feeling herself become speechless. She had only known about NYU and Berkeley. She knew about NYU because that was the plan, they, including Bucky had discussed Freshman year. Back when she was still with Bucky, and Steve with Peggy and they all had planned to stay in New York. Before life got complicated.

"When I did get the Berkeley acceptance I had to come clean to my parents about what major I applied under. I was nervous, because a part of me never told them because I was worried I wouldn't get in. So seeing that acceptance it was the assurance I needed. One that really let me know that I could actually do it. And of course my parents were proud."

"Of course," Elizabeth smiles, "They would've been proud if you had decided to not even go to school and just worked in a restaurant."

"That's true," Steve lets out a small laugh, "And I think I more so didn't want to regret the decision. Leaving home to move across the country for a career that could be unstable. It's scary."

"Do you?" Elizabeth asks.

"Do I what?"

"Do you regret it?"

"Not one bit," he smiles, pulling her back down onto his chest.

They laid there in a comfortable silence. Steve ranking his fingers on Elizabeth's arm, feeling himself grow tired.

"I hope you know you're amazing," Elizabeth quietly says looking up at him with pure admiration in her eyes, "That I think you're amazing. I think you're one of the greatest people I have ever known. And if I have to spend my entire life showing you just how amazing I think you are, I will."

Age: 29

Year: 2023

Location: Santa Barbara, CA

Elizabeth giggled as Steve carried her over the threshold into their hotel room for the weekend. He kicked the door closed as he silenced her giggles with a kiss, before placing her on her feet.

"Why thank-you Mr. Rogers."

"You're very welcome Mrs. Rogers," he smiled brightly at his new wife.

Her makeup was slowly fading, hair no longer perfectly done after a night of dancing with their close loved ones. Steve just stares at her lovingly. He ahs never seen her more beautiful and the fact that he gets to be her husband for the rest of his life, he's never felt luckier.

Elizabeth feels his eyes just on her, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, just admiring my beautiful wife," he compliments, causing Elizabeth to blush.

"How about one more dance?" she asks.

"There's no music."

"When I'm with you there's always music," she says holding her hand out for him.

Steve pulled her to him, one hand grasped in her's, while the other lay on her lower back. Elizabeth's head rested on his chest, with Steve's chin softly resting on the top of it.

"You know I think you're amazing," Elizabeth says as they sway softly in each other's arms.

"You might've told me once or twice," he responds.

"Get used to it because I'm going to be telling you that for the rest of our lives."

"Nothing I want more than that," he kisses the top of her head.

"If you'd asked me to runaway with you to join a circus, I would in a heartbeat," she says.

"Oh really? If I lose my job, and having nothing to show for, you'd still be there?"

"Right next to you baby, every step of the way," she says looking up at him, "Plus you won't have nothing to show. You'll have me. You'll have us. With me by your side I'll make sure you never not know how much you mean to me."

"You've made me believe in love again when I thought it wasn't possible. You've made me love myself in a way that I didn't think were possible. You make me a better human being by just being you. I love you Steve, more than anything.

"So if everything were to go to shit, as long as I have you that's all I need. I'll be there reminding you every single day just how special you are to me."

"I love you," Steve smiles as tears fall from his eyes.

#folklore #folklore song series #folklore mirrorball #mirrorball #mirrorball taylor swift #mirrorball song seires #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x original character #Steve rogers x OC!female #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #angst #fluff #original character series #Steve rogers modern au #steve rogers modern day

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forkanna · 3 years

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NOTES: Wow, that was quite a response to just reposting the prologue! Hopefully you all enjoy the rest of this fic as much as you've been anticipating it; I know it's been a lot of buildup to it, unintentionally I promise you. Here you go, better late than... well, you get it.

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The next morning had been a hard one for Anna. School just felt strained and weird without knowing for sure where her mother was. Punz helped her through it, and she managed to do most of her classwork, but her mind kept wandering off.

Tomorrow was the earliest they could report her missing to the police. Of course, she had a feeling that it wouldn't matter one way or the other, but it was the strongest hope that she and her father had. Knowing what they knew about time travel, they had refrained from calling John or Wendy for the time being; she might come back.

She had to come back.

So when she walked into the living room after school and saw her mother sitting on the couch, looking quite weary but whole, safe, normal, she ran into her arms. It didn't even occur to her to ask about her father, or what she was doing there, or anything else. Need overrode curiosity.

"MOM! Oh my god… oh Mom, you completely freaked me out, I didn't know what happened!"

Elsa wrapped her arms around Anna, hugging back just as a tight as a sound halfway between a laugh and a sigh spilled from her lips. "My angel… I'm so sorry for worrying you like that. Really."

Anna felt her eyes well with tears. She had been unwilling to truly face the idea that Elsa was truly gone, but seeing her here threw into sharp relief just how much she had been terrified. Her arms grew tired as she held on, but there was nothing that could make her let go. Not at this moment. Even the mere thought had her arms tightening their hold, squeezing just a little harder.

"Please don't leave again," she said softly. "Not- not without telling me first. Dad- Dad came home last night and we were gonna go to the cops and-"

"Shh…." Elsa hushed her, inhaling deeply. "I promise I'll never do that again without telling you. I'm so sorry, Anna."

Tearfully, Anna drew her head back, just enough so she could look in Elsa's eyes. "Where did you go? Did I… did I do something?"

Oh God. Elsa could see the forty-something version of her daughter, asking that same exact question. "No, no, baby. No you didn't do anything."

"But you just left me…" Anna's words, cracked and small, were also so heartfelt. So sincere in their pain that it made Elsa want to cry, too. How could she even have thought of giving this up? Of leaving the person who, truthfully, had become her entire world?

"I waited until the day your father would come home. That way, you wouldn't be without someone to… look out for your well-being, no matter what came to pass."

Clearing her throat and sniffling, Anna pulled back and gazed at her mother. "What… came to… Mom, what happened? Where did you go?"

"I was figuring some things out. Took a few weeks. And I've come to some decisions." She took a deep breath, then let it out very slowly before she took both of Anna's hands. "I'm not leaving you."

"Okay. I'm… b-but you made it sound like you… wanted to?"

"Not 'wanted'. But I thought it might be best." She released her hands. "However, there are going to have to be a few changes around here."

Still incredibly relieved at not losing her mother, Anna slumped downward. Then she said, "Okay, okay. You want me to stop hitting on you? Is that pretty much it?"

Elsa nodded slightly. "For now. I'm… willing to revisit that at a later date, but you have to promise me something. From now until you are in college, this stops. We have to learn to keep our hands to ourselves. It's going to be difficult, I know; we've already proven that it will be. But that's very important to me. You might technically be of age, but… you're my child, and you live in my house. There's no pretending that won't affect which of us has the power in a… in… well, in a romantic relationship."

"O-oh." Anna wasn't sure what to say. This sounded like bad news, but it also sounded like there was some good news attached. "But… what about when I'm in college?"

Only now did Elsa smile slightly. "Depends. I want you to really take this time to think hard about you and I. We both will. And we'll try our best to be a normal family. I'm never, ever going to stop loving you!" Her smile faltered slightly, and she looked away with red cheeks. "And if, once you're out on your own, not… being 'parented' by me, you still want to be something more than mother and daughter… we can try that. I know it's a long time-"

"Oh, Mom," she breathed, crushing her with her arms again, sore as they still were. "God! Of course, I… oh I'm sorry, I'm so dumb, I kept trying to… I d-don't know, I'm stupid, I'm so stupid!"

"Shhhhhh." It was soothing and sweet, and she kissed the crown of her head. Anna hummed a little through her tears, glad for the gentle gesture. "It's okay. Everything's okay, Anna; you're going to be just fine."

"B-but what if we try it, and I hurt you somehow? Make you sad th-that your daughter is… disgusting?"

"Don't ever think that. Even if I've been a little disgusted by your desires, by my own, that does not mean I think you are 'bad' or… or anything! And it never did. Do you hear me, sweetie? You'll always be my sweet Anna, whether or not I can handle you being my Tori at the same time. Always."

With renewed vigour, Anna hugged her mother so aggressively. Elsa returned the expression – and, where once she would have hesitated, now there was no sign of that reluctance. It was just what Anna needed.

"I should… really call Punz," she said finally. "Let her know what happened."

Elsa's lips quirked. "I should probably ring your father," she said. Still, neither of them moved. If anything, Anna seemed unable to stop herself pressing closer.

"What if… what if I can't?" she whispered. Even in that low tone, it was obvious she was scared – terrified – of something. "You want me to stop until college, but what if I can't? Or, if I slip up? Mom, I can't lose you just because my balls get ahead of my brain sometimes."

Squeezing tight for a second, Elsa chuckled and closed her eyes. "Accidents happen…" she began. It wasn't good enough.

"No! How can we trust that it would even be an accident when I want you so bad? It hurts, Mom!" Anna sniffled. "It hurts to have you so close sometimes when I want so much more but you… don't…"

"Anna, listen to me." Elsa had Anna's face clasped in her hands, giving her the ability to look directly into her eyes. "You have no idea how much I want you. But right now is the wrong moment. For you, for me… and sweetheart, you need to think of Punz, too. That girl adores you. And-" Elsa lowered her voice, though she smiled now, too. "I would love to be her mother one day, too. Well, mother-in-law."

"That still doesn't solve this problem," Anna said. Her words were monotone, but she felt herself blushing at Elsa's suggestion. It was easier to deflect than it was to think on the future and whether or not Punz would be part of hers.

"You're right. But I guess what I've realised is… this problem is not worth me leaving you behind. I want to work on it together. And if we slip up again, we will deal with it like adults. We aren't animals who have no willpower."

"Are you sure?" she asked with a weak laugh. "You came pretty close that morning."

At that, Elsa leaned in and whispered, "I really did. I was very close." The double meaning made Anna's cheeks grow yet rosier. "But I'm serious; I won't try that while I'm 'in charge' of you. That's not right. Even if we try to treat each other equally, we can't be equals until you're out on your own. And I'm not going to let you drop out of school or anything like that, before you ask," she warned.

"Damn, you caught me," Anna hissed, and Elsa chuckled. "Still Mom with your freakin' parenting chess moves, ten steps ahead. Man… that's so long, though."

"Is it? I know it seems that way to you, because you're young."

Sighing, Anna admitted, "Maybe not. And you're right, like… the past couple of weeks have been great! Not just the parts where we flirted, but everything. All three of us hanging out together was nice, too."

"See? We can make that work. And as I said, if I know you're making advances on purpose, then I will have to leave until you've graduated. Just for my own sanity, and to make sure I don't hurt you – and then I'll come back. But a few slip-ups here and there can be forgiven, Anna."

Anna's hand stroked up and down Elsa's side for a moment. Again, she didn't flinch away, but she started to look a little less comfortable, so Anna stopped. "Okay. I… don't really get the whole 'I can't be in charge while we're dating' thing, because like, you parenting me is totally separate. But I do trust you, Mom. So… so I can try it."

"Not as separate as it should be. But thank you, Anna," Elsa said honestly. She was smiling, too, so that was a good sign. "Now I really must contact your father." She got up and was halfway to the kitchen before Anna spoke.

"Hey, Mom?" she asked. Elsa turned.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

Suddenly, Anna felt very gun-shy and guilty. Like she was going to ask her mother for a treat after her father had already said no. "Can I ask a favour?"

"Of course!" Elsa turned more fully towards her daughter, and Anna felt her mouth grow dry. Just for a second, but it was more than enough, really.

Swallowing hard around a lump in her throat, Anna looked away. "Can I… have a kiss?"

Her mother answered with a sigh, but it was more weary than truly upset. "That would seem to defeat the purpose of giving us this dry period, wouldn't it? Unless you just mean a cheek-kiss."

"I didn't," she admitted readily. "Um… and I do kinda get what you mean? Cooling off to make sure this is what we really want, cause we can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. But like, I already did that. The past couple weeks were me trying not to feel things for you, and it didn't work. But if you want to try for longer…"

"I think, if a few more months go by and you still want me the way you did a couple of days ago, then it will prove that we're really intended to be that for each other. And if the feelings fade for you, then won't it be better that we never went too far? That we never… crossed the line that cannot be uncrossed?"

Anna was having trouble wrapping her mind around what Elsa was trying to get through to her. What would be the difference at this point? She already let her go down on her once before, even if it was her younger self and not this mother standing in front of her now. But she supposed there was probably some wisdom in this plan that she simply hadn't considered.

"Just tonight," Anna whispered very quietly. "Like, to get it out of my system. Then tomorrow, we can go back to 'Mom' and 'daughter' and all that, and… see where we end up when I go to college. And I know, I sound like an ungrateful brat, and it's demanding, a-and… I'm sorry. But I think it'll drive me nuts if I never get to touch you from now until I'm out of the house!"

"It's not a good idea, Anna." But she relented. "Fine. But you have to make all the moves. I already basically attacked you in 1985, and now that I really am your mother…"

That part, Anna could understand. Especially after she explained the whole 'being in charge' aspect; if she was worried about wielding power over Anna, she would give it all to her. Smiling, Anna placed her hands on Elsa's waist. "Just a kiss. Maybe it won't even feel right and we won't have to worry about anything more."

Both seemed to realise at the same moment how silly a thought that was. Anna could feel it already, that pull. Her mouth was no longer than dry – no, she was almost salivating at the thought of doing this again. Her cheeks warmed and her heart picked up, trotting in her chest as she took a step closer.

"Just a kiss," Elsa echoed, though her voice had suddenly lost its power.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Anna leaned forward. Elsa wasn't much taller than her – wasn't much taller than she had been in '85 – but still Anna missed. Her lips found Elsa's chin, and Elsa let out a snort of what could have been laughter.

Anna didn't correct herself upward, however. Contrarily, she moved away from Elsa's lips, grazing hers down to lave at her mother's throat.

"Anna…" Elsa tried. It was meant to be a warning, but instead it came out hoarse and throaty. A small noise slipped from Anna as she wrapped her hands more solidly around Elsa's waist. It was more of a hug now, and it had the side effect – intended or not – of bringing them even closer together.

Eyes sliding shut, Anna merely enjoyed the taste of her mother's skin. She felt gentle fingers tangling in her hair, and was prepared for when Elsa tugged her away. Even if it was a gentle distancing.

"This isn't quite what we agreed to," she sighed nervously. But she could see her mother was uncertain. Guilty. There had to be a way she could remove that guilt. What would make this woman she adored more comfortable with her how much she adored her?

"Elsa… you can call me 'Tori' tonight if you want," she murmured. "If that makes it easier. I could even dress up in 80s clothes or something? Like… since the whole problem is me being your daughter, I could be her instead."

At that, Elsa let out a soft laugh. "I didn't know we were doing an all-night affair. But… well…"

"Well?" Anna asked after a few seconds passed and her mother didn't finish the thought.

"I did ask Kristoff to get a hotel room. Give us space enough to figure things out." Anna drew back to see Elsa looking ashamed, but also smiling very slightly. "Not that this was what I had in mind. Just wanted to be prepared for any… eventuality."

For a few seconds, Anna had to suppress the tingles burbling up through her body. From very specific places. Elsa had planned for them to sleep together. Not as an intention, but a precaution – though that was still more than she had hoped lips pushed into Elsa's neck again, hearing a sigh. Then she whispered, "What if I just keep kissing? All over?"

"An- Tori," she corrected, and Anna smiled against her neck.

"You don't have to do anything back. I'm good. But… I want to try this out. See how far I can get before you need me to stop. Or before I need to stop."

"Let's just stick to kissing above the waist." When Anna pulled back to grin at her, head starting to duck downward, she hastily added, "Above the shoulders! Jesus Christ, how did I raise such an opportunist?"

"You didn't; the other Anna probably wasn't as bad as me. And she also wasn't as hot for you as me…" Knowing she was pushing her luck, she leaned up to whisper into Elsa's ear, "And I'm pretty hot for you right now."

Elsa let out a sharp breath that was probably covering something else. "Anna…" she tried one last time. This one felt breathier and needier than before, and Anna could feel the warmth pooling just below her navel.

"I just want you," Anna said softly. "To touch you… in whatever way you let me." Her hips rolled very slightly against Elsa's – not enough for any real friction, but certainly enough to give truth to her words. Elsa gave out another shuddering breath. "But for now, a kiss will do…"

And she did just that, sealing their lips together once more. Elsa sank down into it as if it were a warm bath, perhaps grateful that she no longer had to speak. It didn't really matter.

Slowly, Anna began to back away, leading them back to the couch. It seemed safer than heading for one of the bedrooms. It took Elsa a moment to realise what she was doing, but when she finally caught on she wasted no time in guiding Anna. Despite what she had said, she seemed to be a little less willing to stop now.

But finally they were seated, a strange parody of that moment in Doc's car. Anna had little doubt that she wanted to try paying her mother back for what she had done there, either. Hopefully Elsa felt the same.

Anna slipped her tongue between Elsa's lips, and she only groaned and accepted it with her own, leaning back until she was lying on the couch with Anna over her. Her arms never tightened around Anna, and she never gripped her shoulders; only laid her hands gently on her biceps. Seemed she was deadly serious about not making any 'moves', after all.

When they broke apart again, Anna's hips still grinding, Elsa warned her breathlessly, "This is… more than a kiss."

"Yeah. But hey… tonight is our night, huh? Like, the last one to be Tori and Elsa."

"It is. Even though we aren't going as far as you think we're going," she told her, resolve returning as she pointed a finger up at her.

"Right, I get it. So…" Biting her lip, she got up from the couch, leaving Elsa briefly confused. "Let's do it. Let's dress up."

What an adorable blush crept into the middle-aged woman's features. "Oh, you… were serious about that?"

Dancing backward a little, she said, "Remember that outfit I made you buy? The one that you said you wouldn't wear out of the house, short-shorts and crop top? You can put that on, and I'll find some stuff in my closet that makes me look really… different. Really Tori for you. And I'll change my hair, and wear the shoes from the dance!"

"Oooh," Elsa sighed at the mention of the shoes. Apparently, that was such a strong tie to the memory of going down on Anna that it instantly heated her up. Then she cleared her throat. "Well… I suppose it wouldn't hurt to simply look the parts. Might help create necessary boundaries."

She knew what her mother really meant; it would help assuage her guilt if they were recreating the past, instead of forging a new, sinful future. Clapping her hands, she started to head for the hallway. "You just wait! This is gonna be amazing!"

"I hope you're right," Elsa chuckled as she started to follow her. They were both going the same way, after all. "But I just wanted to reiterate..."

Hesitation. So she prompted, "What?"

"No matter what happens… I'm always going to love you. That was never in danger at any point, Anna."

"I know. Don't worry, we got this. Promise-promise."

"Now, that sounds familiar..."

Anna had no way of knowing what Elsa meant; she hadn't said it yet, after all. But she was all smiles as she retreated to her room with glee, only sparing Elsa one last glance over her shoulder to see her mother was standing in the doorway to her own room with a bemused smile on her blushing features.

Still so beautiful.

To Be Continued…

#Fractal The Future #elsanna fanfiction #Back to the Future #forkanna writes #fruipit #elsanna #jess the writer

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bumbershots · 4 years

Text

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER FIVE: A SPECIAL DAY

Author’s note: Hello! We have finally reached the awaited date between Harry and Alma. I was really excited for this chapter, hopefully you will enjoy it as much as I did, forgive me in advance for any mistakes, my beta reader (my boyfriend) was unavailable, so this is a good time to say that if anyone out there has the time and willingness to beta read any future chapters send me an ask or message to let me know. Enjoy! (:

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.6K **

Harry wakes up feeling excited, nervous and hungry. He takes care of the latter, decides to make some blueberry pancakes, turns out he can't eat more than two and a cup of coffee. Not that the pancakes weren't great, in fact they were fantastic, he even decides to brag about them on an Instagram story that is published for his close friends only. Nick quickly replies to it with a laughing emoji.

You should take a Tupperware full of them to your date ;)

The reason behind his excitement and nerves make his heart race, he decides to type in a polite 'fuck off' to his mate before heading to the shower. Under the warm spray of water he tries to sort out his thoughts. Harry doesn’t want to think about his upcoming trip to California.

It was necessary for the album or so he thought last week, after going through a box with the very few memories he kept from his ex. He wasn’t in a right state of mind then, he feels pathetic. The only reason why he wanted to spend time in Los Angeles was because everything there —from the pavement to the sky— was tainted by her.

Why would he want to go back to that place where the constant reminder of his pain was literally living in the same neighbourhood? Because it would provide him the cathartic release he was looking for. That’s the line he used after Sarah and Mitch tried to dissuade him from flying across the Atlantic and Harry was so proud of himself when it worked.

That very same day, he got the first text from Alma, it was the address like she promised. ‘In case one of your talents isn’t stumbling upon my work place ;)’ the second text read and Harry had to endure Sarah’s questionnaire about the girl that made him blush with a mere wink emoji. Not that he minded talking about her, he could go on all day.

He usually preferred a shower before breakfast, usually even work out before then but well, hunger clouded his judgement earlier today. Even with that taken care of that dread still niggled him away. Just slightly. So, he decided to pick up his guitar for a moment and strummed. There was no real intention to play seriously, or to write anything down on the journal by his desk. It was more of something he enjoys too much not to do it, a way to keep his hands and mind busy, faffing around with chords. With a bit of luck he might come up with a song, a tune which just worked, that just... clicked.

Contrary to what people might believe, genius didn't strike him here and then. Not like when he'd come up with Sign of the times or Two ghosts. But finding a neat little pattern of chords a good thirty minutes later makes him smile, it's something he can work with. It needs a little polishing from Mitch and company, sure, but it has a good rhythm. He scribbled down some notes on his journal and sent the audio to his fellow musician.

Maybe he will find the words in one of the old notebooks that are somewhere in the other room, perhaps on the ones that are still on his unpacked suitcase from Japan. Silently he also hoped to find the lyrics around London. He had lived in the capital for a few years now, but he had been different then. Now he likes to think that he's a man, no longer the teenager from the boy band or the shiny new solo artist. He has new perspectives, sights, smells in this new home of his. New ideas.

Harry gazes out his bedroom window; the view is not great –mostly of the other houses in the complex. His mind focused on the cloudy sky, confused because he swore it was sunny just a few minutes ago, can bet on his life that he woke up to dazzling sunshine rays of a warm yellow colour peeking through that same window. He puts his guitar away on the bed with care and makes a beeline to his wardrobe. He needs to figure out what to wear, pronto.

Skipping her afternoon kip was not something Alma did, it was a rare occurrence which meant one thing: something special was happening.

Walking down Oxford Street, trying to decide where to get some lunch without a care in the world, that was until the calmness faded, when her schedule for the day hit her.

She had a date with Harry. A date, with Harry Styles. It was weird to go by his full name in her head, she couldn't bring herself to call or think about him as The Harry Styles.

Maybe she'd settle to call him Harry the tube guy.

The clock on her phone showed that it was no longer single figure hours, she needed to get some food now or starve until her shift was over, and then he would have to watch her feast at whatever place he chose. Alma groaned, thought how ridiculous it was to worry about him watching her eat. Harry was a grown man; of course he knows that women eat too, right?

Walking into the nearest Sainsbury's she decided to take a deep breath. He's just some guy, she concluded after paying for her chicken baguette. Nothing to stress about.

Harry showered again, while belting out some classic pop tunes. Namely Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears, something that in the past he'd swear blind you'd misheard and it was actually The Rolling Stones or Pink Floyd. But he'd come to terms that he liked what he liked.

Towel clad in the bedroom, trying to shirk off hypothermia, he was quick to put on some pants and jeans, before throwing on some simple white tee proclaiming some fading band name. He uses a dry clean towel from the closet and attempts to dry his hair, as he styles his flopped mop the thought of a haircut crosses his mind. It was getting a bit long.

One last look at the clock and he is ready to leave. "You'll be fine. Trust me." He quietly speaks to himself before closing the last few buttons of his green parka and fixing the newsboy cap on his head.

When he walks out of Colindale tube station, a little earlier than half past five, he sees the bakery from her instructions just below the large modern building Alma was kind enough to describe. She was right; the bakery is right across the street, he waits for the green man to light up to cross, shoving his hands in his pockets. The huge front windows of the establishment allow Harry to see her behind the till, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. She looks better than she did three weeks ago. He hesitates about going in for a few minutes, but feels it ought to be better than to lurk on the street.

Alma can feel his presence the moment he sets foot into the shop, her eyes are drawn to him and a content close lipped smile is the best greeting he could ask from her. The only customer in the place can feel the shift in the atmosphere when they lock eyes. So, picking up her bag full of baked goods, she steps out and leaves them alone.

"Sorry if I'm too early." He begins while she takes off her apron and hangs it in the back wall.

"You're right on time," Alma says after checking her watch, "I'm off Carlos, see you tomorrow!" She hollers to the employee that is taking a non-allowed nap in the back. Harry holds the door open for her and follows out of the warm store. "Shall we take the tube?" At his affirmative response, she then takes out her Oyster card and leads the way.

The café was not somewhere Alma expected Harry to go, the little shop with soothing music and simple stools full of the scent of organic coffee brewing is dazzling and unique. A bit like him, she thinks. She liked it. It reminded her of the places she used to frequent when she had recently moved into the city.

Harry orders a black coffee at the counter before asking Alma what she'd like.

"A cappuccino, and remember I'm paying for our food," she hands him a tenner that he reluctantly takes from her.

"Absolutely," he iterates the order to the woman behind the counter and adds two salted caramel cupcakes handing over the cash. "If you get a seat, I'll bring it over."

Alma thanks him before scampering across the room to sit at the back two seat table tucked in the corner. It was right beside the large back window, dimly lit. Before she sat, she removed her signature burgundy coat and Harry couldn't help his eyes being drawn to certain aspects of his companion. Nice arse, he remarked with a raise of his brows before the woman behind the counter tells him for the third time that his order is ready, a look of disdain as she probably caught his gaze. Giving her a sheepish smile to appease her, he manages to balance the two plates and mugs in his hands and walk over to the table.

"They asked if you wanted whipped cream or foam and I settled for foam, hope that's not a problem." He plonks himself on the seat across from her, removing his parka in a clumsy manner before hanging it in the back of the chair.

"No problem, I actually despise–

"Whipped cream, yeah, I kind of remembered what you told me about that birthday party of yours," the green eyed lad finishes for her and scratches the back of his neck. "You know with that dare..."

Her eyes flickered down to the cupcakes laid out before them and she started picking the caramel out of one, hoping to hide the nerves his words caused.

"Right enough, yeah... I can't believe you remembered that or that I told you about it." She chuckled nervously at the anecdote she chose to share with him, it was a bit inappropriate due to the amount of vomit around it, literally. But he shrugged with a charming smile. No big deal. "Nice place," she noted.

"I know it's a bit of a strange choice. It doesn't strike me as, you know, the kind of place you put so much effort into for a first date..." Harry stops talking and now his eyes meet the cupcake in front of him. "Bollocks I must have sounded so daft, I'm sorry." Lucky for him, she doesn't laugh, instead she reaches out to stroke his hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Nothing to be sorry about, I can be quite daft so..."

"I doubt that Miss suave." He gets a laugh out of her then, one that is almost a snort and earns a few glances from other customers.

"I’m far from it! Honestly, I once accidentally stepped on dog shit and didn't notice until my date couldn't bear the stink anymore and checked my shoe, in a very fancy restaurant. Terrible story. Trust me, I can be daft." Alma held up her hands and the musician giggled at her.

"Promise you won't laugh?" he raised an eyebrow at her, pleading. She promised. "Well, I kind of always wanted to have a first date here. It's always one of the first places I visit when I'm back in London, the food is amazing, and service is excellent. Came here completely hung-over after my twenty-first birthday party. I guess it has a lot of good memories." Pinked cheeks gave away Harry's embarrassment, he wanted to relax and for her to be more comfortable around him.

With a sincere smile Alma placed her hand over his resting on the table. "I think that is very sweet." This reply was not what he had expected; she leant in and beckoned him closer. "For your information Harry, this is exactly a great place for a first date." Up close he swore the darkness of her eyes were about to swallow him whole and spit him out to an alternate universe. He swallowed hard and took a sip of his coffee to distract himself a bit. Perhaps caffeine was not a good choice on a day where his heart was speeding so frequently.

"Did you have a good day today at work?" he asks with a familiarity that Alma can get used to.

"Yeah, had a bit of free time to plan my next video blog. It's been ages since I uploaded one." She bashfully admits. "This cupcake was delicious, a great flavour choice." And just like that they fall into easy conversation until their cups are drained. The place is almost empty around quarter to eight and they both know it's almost closing time –the death glances from the employees behind the counter gave it away. They put on their garments again before leaving.

Harry makes his way to the door expecting Alma to follow. Instead she first gathered up their mugs and plates, to place them neatly on the counter and thanked the three workers behind it with a genuine smile. Harry looked surprised; she didn't quite have to do that. She noticed.

"Just being polite," she stated the obvious, before walking under his arm that held open the door. He chose not to comment and fought back a smile.

They stood outside, not really sure of what to do next. Usually he would suggest going back to his place. It was near, but he watched her yawn discreetly and he suddenly remembered that she had a real job, well actually jobs in plural. He broke the silence.

"It was nice to see you again Alma." He meant it and she smiled as she toyed with the buttons of her coat. British summer weather was hardly cold, but today it seemed to be punishingly windy. Harry near gave a shiver, but instead took a deep breath before speaking again. It was now or never. "It'd be quite great, if I could... I'd like to see you again. Please." He shifted on one foot, nearly drowned in the silence that followed.

"I'd quite love to see you again," Harry gave a slight gulp, very slight and got out strength from the words she spoke to take a big risk, the first of today.

He stepped closer and cradled her face in his hands before leaning down and kissing her cheek. It wasn't the full on kiss he wanted to give her. But it is something he'd been dying to do since he first saw her today, something he hoped would make clear how attracted he was to her. Harry smelled like coffee and caramel. God this man's lips are prettier up close, she thought right before he straightened up.

She stayed close to him before speaking again. A low murmur so that the passing London traffic wouldn't steal her words from him.

"This was an amazing date."

Alma walked with him the long distance of one mile to the tube station, their hands brushing against each other. He was desperate to just hold hers, kiss her soft knuckles and ask about the lightning-shaped scar on her little finger. But decided against it, he knew that West Hampstead was not a common area for paparazzi, but he didn't want to risk her. Especially after the splendid afternoon they just shared.

They said their farewells.

"I'll call you," he said again. She warned that he better, before entering the station, he took great delight in watching her walk away from him, his gaze falling once more to her bum now covered by the coat. Harry spun on his heel and walked the short distance to his home.

Surely London could help him find the lyrics for that tune, this city definitely had something.

///

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years

Text

For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 15: The Girl Who Woke Me Up

Sehun's POV

It wasn't like Lei to be late, but she was nowhere to be found half an hour into the New Year's party. Although she had been helping her mother set up just a few hours earlier, Lei was not by Manager Kim's side as she made frantic rounds about the room, tiptoeing carefully around Donghae's lingering gaze. Although she and Lucas were nearly inseparable, Lei did not stand by him as he downed another glass of champagne while laughing with Mark Lee at the NCT table.

I was about to send her a concerned text when Taemin said from his side of Jongin, "She is so beautiful."

Like everybody else at the table, I looked toward whoever managed to turn Taemin's voice into a lyrical whisper. It didn't matter that it was none of our business who held Taemin's heart. When somebody loves that openly, everybody wants to watch for a second or two— even me.

My jaw dropped as my eyes settled on her. She was Lei.

Walking beside Baekhyun, Lei held three hearts in the palm of her hand: mine, Baekhyun's, and Taemin's. And I don't even think she knew what she held, what she could destroy with a single touch should she so choose. I think she only felt the weight of my heart because I forced it upon her through forever-kisses at that Christmas Party.

But how— how light, how insignificant might my heart feel compared to that of her ultimate idol? How cold and callous and uncaring might my voice sound compared to his?

How dark, how dull might my love look compared to that of the boy standing next to her? How rough and careless and frozen might my touch feel compared to his when he catches her before she can fall?

My stomach twisted as I fought (and failed) to tear my eyes from the visual of Lei and Baekhyun. They matched so perfectly from head to toe that, had I not known better, had I not believed that she loved me, I would have assumed that she coordinated her outfit with him.

Their dark hair was parted on the left side. Their clothes were crafted from the same sparkling midnight blue material. Their silver masks were a perfect pair that accented their best facial features. Their flowers— their flowers were the worst part. Atop her head, Lei wore a crown of white roses accented by blue baby's breath; she looked like a princess. In the suit pocket over his heart, Baekhyun tucked a white rose; he looked like her prince.

At that moment, I realized that it is much harder to believe in coincidence than it is to believe in fate. At that moment when she was so far out of reach, it was easy to see that Lei and Baekhyun were written in the stars, and I— where was I written?

Suddenly, it was as clear to everyone in the banquet hall as it was to me at the foot of the stairs in Lei's house: they were meant to walk together. Lei and Baekhyun were meant to be viewed as a pair.

As whispers about them, some approving and some disapproving, overtook the party, the tips of my ears burned. My hands formed tight fists under the table. And all I can remember thinking is I have to hide my breaking heart. No, I have to keep it from breaking, at least for now, because it is in her hands. My heart is in her delicate hands, and the jagged shards will make her bleed.

It didn't matter that Baekhyun was standing right there, willing and ready to bandage her. It didn't matter that Taemin could stop the bleeding with a single smile. I didn't want to hurt Lei ever again; I didn't want to scar her anymore. If protecting her meant suffering silently— well— that wasn't anything I hadn't done before.

Quietly, Jongdae whistled. "Who knew that sweet little Princess Lei would grow up to be so pretty?"

Chanyeol laughed loudly as his elbow dug into my ribs. "Someone did, right, Sehun?"

Obviously, I wouldn't have responded to Chanyeol's jest even if I could have found my voice. I wouldn't have known what to say.

Afraid of saying or doing something to shatter the loving image I left with Lei on Christmas, I turned to walk away from the scene that threatened to destroy me. Of course, I wasn't going to hide forever. The plan was to stand some ways away long enough to untangle the knot in my stomach. The plan was to stand aside to remind myself that choices are as significant as fate, and I was Lei's choice. I am Lei’s choice.

The problem, of course, was my promise to stand where she could see me. I won't go far, I told myself. I'll stand right there, right against that wall, and maybe— hopefully— wouldn't it be nice if she comes to me?

That's pathetic, isn't it— the fact that I still dreamed that she would take the first steps? I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry that I wasn't bolder. Always, always I was aware of my inadequacies. Always, always I daydreamed about filling them with her. At that moment, however, it occurred to me that that was not right; it occurred to me that that is not love. Above all, it occurred to me that I wanted to give Lei the purest love in her life.

And I— I didn’t know how. Nobody ever taught me how.

On my walk, I nearly collided with Taemin. Despite his eagerness to escape the table, he said, "Excuse me, Sehun," through a small smile. The smile wasn't a forced display of manners; it was genuine. I could tell because little wrinkles formed around his eyes.

I had never seen a smile like that before. Although faint, it was not at all sad or indicative of a broken heart even though we were walking away from the same scene: the one we loved beside another. Taemin's smile was joyful, inspired merely by seeing Lei from afar.

I needed to be more like Taemin, I realized as my back pressed against the wall. I needed to learn to love Lei a little more quietly, a little more peacefully, a little more selflessly. Rather than loving her like the careless teenager I had been when we met, rather than relying on her for constant assurance in our relationship that endured storms over a decade, rather than hoping for her to meet me most or all of the way—

I needed to grow up. I needed to find assurance in the steady beating of my own heart. I needed to take the first step for the rest of forever. I would. I will. That’s the promise I made to myself, the promise I made in one of the hearts she held.

I will love you. I won’t love you perfectly. I won’t love you through a smile as gentle as Taemin’s. I won’t love you with an unmistakable, inescapable warmth like Baekhyun. But I will love you in the best way I know. I will love you with every word I say. I will love you with the words I am not yet brave enough to say. I will love you so deeply for the rest of my life that you will never wonder how I feel. You will never wonder who hung the moon and stars in my sky.

While Lei defended herself against Chanyeol’s allegation that she had broken my heart as if she could ever be cruel enough to do such a thing, I wrestled with the best way to express my feelings. A verbal conversation wouldn’t do; she enjoyed debating and pressing my buttons too much. I couldn’t very well write a song; that would require enlisting the help of someone like Chanyeol who had better knowledge of music production, and I didn’t want to share my feelings with him (or anybody else, for that matter).

While Manager Kim captivated the entire room with her heartfelt good-bye’s to Super Junior and Heechul declared that she was resigning from her position as their manager because of her feelings for Donghae, I decided that I could best express myself in writing. Starting from the beginning, I could map out our stars, and there— there I would be written.

There, I could point to myself on a page and say, ‘I belong here too. I love her too. Even if she wakes up tomorrow and chooses one of you, even if my nightmares come true and she outgrows me, once upon a time, she chose me. Once upon a time, she loved me. Once upon a time, we were the best love story ever written, and I— I— I will never forget that I was her first love, so you shouldn’t either.’

That’s what I wrote on the inside cover of the leather-bound notebook containing our story, by the way. That’s the first of my thoughts that Lei read in my handwriting; it made her break into laughing tears. By that, I mean she was gasping through laughter and tears. So I was also gasping through laughter and tears when she set the book on our bed, crawled to me, and cupped my cheeks with her soft, warm hands, whispering onto my lips, “My first love, my endless love, my Sehun— I am so glad the road led to you.”

And I believe her.

When I found Lei standing alone on the terrace where everyone gathered to watch fireworks an hour early at Changmin’s urging, I embraced her. I didn’t think much of the fact that somebody was always watching. I didn’t much care about lingering stares, and I told Lei plainly when she mumbled into my chest, “Someone is going to see, Sehunnie.”

“I love you,” I reminded her in a whisper per her request. My heart melted into a warm golden puddle in my stomach because of the spoken nickname and because she didn’t push me away. She didn’t argue with me as I declared, “I love you so much that I want everyone to see.”

That was a funny thing to say, considering that we were huddled together in the darkest corner where no eyes would have strayed.

I dropped a kiss onto her flower crown because it marked her as a princess— my princess— and it didn’t matter that Baekhyun gave it to her. The affection, I hoped, I prayed, would make me her prince.

“I love you so much,” I muttered against a rose, “that I want everyone to hear.”

That was a funny thing to say, considering that I spoke in the faintest whisper that only she could hear.

Lei giggled as she linked her hands around my waist beneath my jacket. Her laughter was, is, always will be the most beautiful melody in this world. I loved being its conductor. I loved being its audience.

“I’m so happy, Sehun.” She said my name with the brightest smile I had ever seen.

It so closely resembled the smile she gave me all those years ago when she first gave me her name. It was still too big for her face, and it made her look much younger than the scowl she hurled at Chanyeol in the banquet hall. The only difference was that she no longer spoke through a gap in her front teeth; the gap was closed.

After assuring her that I was happy too— far happier than I ever imagined because she stood near— I said, “I miss your gap, Lei. You’re beautiful, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, but I really wish I could see your gappy smile one more time.”

“There are plenty of pictures of it.” The tips of her ears burned red at the compliment, and I thought that I had to call her beautiful every day. From the dimple forming in her chin, however, it was evident that she knew the limitations of photographs. “You know, I miss my gap too. I hated it when I had it, but the thing is: I always picture myself with a gap in my front teeth.”

I stared into her wide eyes, finding my lovestruck reflection within them. “I always think of you with stars in your eyes.”

I heard her breath hitch as she held me closer. Breathlessly, she reached for my hand. “I always think of you with my heart on your hand.”

After bringing my frozen, trembling hand up her lips, she left a ruby-red kiss mark where she once left a fingerprint heart. I wanted to carry that mark everywhere with me. I wanted to boast it to everybody, and I promised to learn how to do that. I promised to learn who to tell. I promised to learn what to say to make them understand how much it meant to me— how much it means to me.

I think I have learned. I think I have made you understand. I hope that I have. Please, tell me that I have.

Her gesture rooted in our past, her touch— still electric— made my heart flutter. Her touch, even as my favorite memory, still makes my heart flutter.

Her touch compelled me to say out loud, “I fell in love with you the day you marked your heart on my hand, you know. All at once, I opened my eyes and realized I was on the edge of a cliff, and I—” I choked on my emotions, but I forced myself to continue— “I was so scared that you wouldn’t wait for me at the bottom.”

The wind blew and filled my eyes with tears that I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to become an overtly sentimental person, but every wall I ever built around my emotions tumbled at her touch. I didn’t want to shed a single tear, but Lei brought both hands up to my face, wordlessly promising to catch each tear before they fell.

Lei loved me. She loved me so much from the day we met, and I— I am so grateful. I did not know whether love was meant to be repaid, but I resolved in that moment under her moon and all of her stars to return every loving gaze for the rest of my life.

I held both of her hands against my cheeks because her touch made me brave enough to speak. “You said that I could walk with you anytime. And I just want you to know that I want to walk with you forever. I want you to know that I’m so sorry for—”

For trying to walk away. For breaking her mistletoe crown. For failing to regard her heart as the treasure it had been all along.

But I couldn’t say any of those things she deserved to hear. My throat tightened around my words.

Wiping my tears, Lei promised, “I forgive you. I forgive you, Sehunnie. Everything— everything painful is past, and now we are walking hand-in-hand on a path that doesn’t end.” Her thumbs stroked my cheeks, raising goosebumps in their wake. “Don’t carry things we don’t need, angel. Don’t carry things that will only hurt you. It’s okay.”

Lei pulled me into the sweetest kiss. It lasted for about a millisecond, a blink in time, and I knew that was all we were, but God— God— we felt infinite. I think— no, I know this is love: when somebody makes you, a mere mortal, feel as though time has stopped; when somebody makes you feel as if forever, eternity, and fate were words written for you.

“In case you forgot,” Lei said, “I love you too.” She beamed up at me, so I had to smile even as she winked in an attempt to dig under my skin: “In case you forgot, I loved you first!”

Because I couldn’t argue with the truth, I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Okay. You loved me first, but—” I caught her around the waist and leaned to whisper in her ear— “I’ll love you longer.”

“As if,” she scoffed, pushing me away so I could catch the furrowing of her brow. “How can you even make such a bold claim? I told you, Sehunnie, I’ve loved you forever, and I’ll love you forevermore. What could last longer than forever?”

Feigning deep contemplation, I hummed through puckered lips, hoping that Lei would rise to kiss them. (Note: Lei never disappoints.) “Maybe forever in writing? I think I heard once that a love recorded on paper, in a film, or in a song lives forever.”

“If you’re planning to write about me,” she said, “you should know that I’ve been writing about you too. I’ve been trying to map out or stars since we kissed in your car, but I— I can’t figure out how the stars aligned.” Her head went aslant. “But I also can’t figure out how we could have ended up anywhere else with anybody else.”

It had been made clear to me that any misstep could have led Lei to Baekhyun or Taemin. Maybe she will find her way to them someday no matter what I do, but I gave no voice to those thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I soared at the imagination of Lei writing to pinpoint the correlation between the me of the past, the me of her dreams, and the me of right now. I hoped she was proud to have created a place where we could be together forever, even if someday we should wake up on different paths.

It’s romantic, isn’t it, that we separately experienced the same epiphany concerning our stars?

“Some things are just meant to be,” I figured, sounding unlike the version of myself who struggled to believe in things like destiny, the version I had been for almost all of my life. “You and I— Lei, we are the greatest meant to be I can imagine.”

When I stepped into the warmth of the agency building from the winter snow, I quickly found Lei asleep at that table by the vending machine where we met. Her face was almost completely nuzzled into the bend of her elbow, into the cloud-soft baby blue sleeve of her sweater. Her dark hair sprawled over much of the table; it was so long then, almost reaching her waist. She shouldn’t have been recognizable, but I would have known her anywhere, from any distance.

“Wake up,” I whispered into her ear as I settled into the chair next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I’m here.”

Once Lei sat upright and set to rubbing her sleep-swollen eyes, it was obvious that we couldn’t go out on an adventurous date. That much should have been obvious, I know, determined by our roles as idols, but I hadn’t shaken that image of her and Baekhyun standing together at the New Year’s party from the front of my mind.

I wasn’t jealous anymore. That initial towering wave of nausea and the drowning sense of inferiority had passed without casting me overboard. It just occurred to me once the storm cleared and the sun broke through the clouds that I wanted to be the person by her side forever; I wanted to stand by her in the light; I wanted it to be obvious to strangers from a glance that we were meant to walk together.

Rising to her feet and slinging her bookbag— the tiny pink Hello Kitty bag she carried since childhood, the bag still donning the keychain I bought for her tenth birthday— Lei groaned, “I’m exhausted! And I didn’t even realize it until I woke up.”

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I said as I followed her, “but there are more comfortable places to sleep, you know.”

Lei had worked herself to the point of exhaustion, I know without a doubt, because she made no argument; she loved to argue.

On our walk to the door, I reached for her hand, which was always much smaller than mine. She flinched at the contact probably because my hands were always cold, maybe because she wasn’t yet used to affection, hopefully because my touch was electric.

As shocked as she had been at the start, Lei was the one who interlaced our fingers. Lei was the one who whined when I had to break the contact to open the passenger door and then round to the driver's seat. Lei was the one who reached for my hand as soon as I set it on the steering wheel.

“I just want to feel you.” Her words blurred together drowsily, but her eyes shot open— wide awake— when I glanced at her. “Your hands are so warm, Sehunnie, and it’s so cold outside. I’m freezing!”

After turning the heat up, I said through a budding smile while starting down the familiar path to her house, “Nobody has ever called my hands warm. Then again, nobody ever held my hands before you.”

“And nobody will hold my hands after you,” I almost said. Because I didn’t want to think of a time after her— I didn’t want to think of a time without her— I bit down on my tongue. I left those words unsaid. Unspoken words hold power too.

“Your hand was warm at the drive-in too,” she told me. “Holding your hand made me feel like the moon and stars smiled down at us.”

There was no moon and there were no stars that night, I remembered clearly, but I didn’t remind Lei. Maybe this sounds crazy, but I hope she misremembered a lot about those days before I could love her. In a way, I hoped she romanticized them; I hoped she saw them— I hope she saw the past me— through love-colored lenses. I hoped the stars smiled in all of her memories.

With an almost childlike quality of honesty— the kind that I never wanted to argue with, the kind I only thought I had to argue with— Lei said, “Holding your hand makes me feel like spring has come.”

Butterflies raged in my stomach and told me the perfect thing to say: “That’s funny. Looking at you makes me feel like spring has come.”

I think that might have made her squeal had she not been drifting to sleep. Her head banged against the window every few seconds.

“Lay back,” I tried to demand sternly, but my voice was nothing but a gentle whisper around her after Christmas. “Lei, lean your chair back and go to sleep. You’re gonna bruise your face or give yourself a concussion if you keep hitting your head.”

Without opening her eyes, she argued, “I don’t wanna go to sleep! I wanna stay awake with you!”

She was being rather childish, I thought, but she repeated that sentiment once we sat together on her living room couch, which was no longer tainted by the memory of finding Lucas atop her on her birthday.

“But you’re tired.” Tightening my arms around her waist, I pulled her closer and encouraged her to lean into me, to fall asleep on me. “Just close your eyes, and I’ll go to sleep with you.”

Lei didn’t resist my pull. Her eyelashes tickled the skin on my neck as she laid against me and allowed her eyelids to flutter shut. Without mumbling another word, she fell into that deep heavy-breathing sleep, and I wondered how many nights she had avoided sleep. I wondered how I was supposed to fall asleep with her laying so close. I wondered how I was supposed to close my eyes while my heart pounded in my chest, eager to break free and unite with hers. I wondered how I was supposed to breathe while her breath whispered across my skin.

I was wide awake— I am wide awake— and I never want to sleep again.

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