#that's impossible in a fun non-depressing way

[monster-noises]

Auguh not to get too Hopless Shell of a Man on you but i'm trying to find a daydream to get lost in to lull myself to sleep but i'm finding I can't.

Cause the kind of daydream that puts me to sleep have always been more aspirational, if grandiose and slightly unrealistic, explorations of like.. what my dream house would look like, hanging my art up in a new-bigger better- apartment, what my table would look like at a con, or my work in a small gallery or art show..

but it's at the point where i can't suspend my disbelief enough anymore to indulge in the Premise of most of these things because Every Ounce of possibility has been squeezed out of these things.

And maybe i'm just really too depressed and there's something i'm not seeing but god it's Really Fucking Bad Out here if My can-imagine-anything-like-it-could-happen-tomorrow-regardless-of-probability Ass can't even daydream myself to sleep because it's... Just not realistic!!!! Like i know we already know that but damn!!!! My mental health is in shambles and almost all of the causes are external and i can't control them!

[autistic-katara]

stuff i wanna see in TSATS

its just less than 2 months until TSATS comes out and my pjo phase is coming back HARD so heres some stuff i wanna see (idc how popular or unpopular these r)

Solangelo kiss (seriously like all the other good canon couples had one)

explicit use of queer terms (i havent rlly seen anyone talk abt this but as much as i love queer characters just existing u have no idea how happy it makes me to see media, especially kids media, explicitly say the words gay, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, etc.)

Hunters of Artemis cameo

piggybacking off that, Nico’s reaction to Reyna being a hunter (ive wanted to see this since 2019 PLEASE i gotta know how he feels abt this considering yk his past w/ them)

confirmation on whether Will’s gay or bi/mspec (or just simply queer, no specific labels necessary)

a trans/nonbinary character (specifically transmasc)

a Piper cameo

during her cameo Piper explicitly saying her sexuality (which is lesbian, if u think otherwise ur wrong/hj)

Hazel cameo

more Lavinia content (idc how i just need more of my chaotic Jewish ADHD pink-haired Russian lesbian, ok?)

GAY ANGST

MORE GAY ANGST

SO MUCH GAY ANGST ITLL MAKE MY AO3 HISTORY LOOK LIKE A HAPPY HETEROSEXUAL PURE BIBLE CLUB FOR TODDLERS

canonically autistic Nico

that Lil Nas X reference we were promised

Nico making more trauma jokes (he just like me fr)

the multiple coming out scenes i heard were allegedly promised

Hades and/or Apollo cameo

Hestia cameo

Jason’s ghost cameo

dead Apollo kids cameo

explicit discussion of Nico’s religious trauma

explicit discussion of just Will’s trauma in general (seriously we all kinda ignore that our “sunshiney golden retriever uwu gay boi 😊🌸✨☀️” actually has some super serious trauma)

both of them coping badly with all this and being worried abt eachother (aka gay angst but more specific)

Maria di Angelo content

Persephone cameo w/ her either still lowkey hating Nico and being passive aggressive asf to him or having had him grow on her in the past few years and is now turning the overprotective mom mode to the max

just some cute, non-angsty moments between Nico nd Will cause goddam we need some queer joy rn ;-;

so much hurt/comfort u physically cant continue living anymore (going both ways not just Will comforting Nico)

a MCGA cameo

Fierrochase and Solangelo meeting and having the same funny interactions they have in the memes (but with the canon versions of them)

discussions of stuff like homophobia and internalized homophobia and mental illness

a relatively happy ending (but not a “2 months later and the world is perfect and neither of them had felt anything close to depression or anything since the ending and if for some reason addiction was a part of this we would we talking abt how they were magically 2 months clean and it would be physically impossible for the thought of relapse to even cross their mind” kinda happy ending cause i hate those kinda endings w/ a burning passion)

setup for another side book (preferably a Piper or Reyna one)

thats all i can think of rn off the top of my head but feel free to comment on any of these or add ur ideas cause 2 months feels like an eternity long wait + hearing other opinions is fun when we arent all in a heated argument over smthn stupid

[ladyloveandjustice]

I wanted to do my own little post for the article I wrote and go into detail about a few things.

I first read I'm in Love with the Villainess during the height of my depression during the early pandemic. I was at the point where I was having a hard time finding enjoyment in anything or concentrating on much, but I wanted to start reading again. When I watched My Next Life as a Villainess then heard there was an novel coming about a girl courting the villainess, I was excited, which rarely happened back then. And when I read it, I felt some happiness break through the fog of depression. It was such a fun story, and it was laser targeted wish fulfillment for my weird lesbian tastes. I was surprised and comforted by the meaningful discussion about LGBT issues which I wasn't expecting at all. I really needed it.

Reading light novels was something I did to get me back into reading after quitting due to depression, because they were easy to read and low stress in a time where reading something that reminded me of how much my life sucked would send me spiraling. I'm grateful to series like ILTV for helping me transition to reading longer books again.

So basically, I know first hand that this series can be comforting. And in the Anifem discord I was, I guess, maybe the biggest advocate of the series (definitely the person most excited about the anime) while still acknowledging it's flaws, so it was super flattering when I was approached and asked to write this. I don't think I've ever had a site approach me to write an article in that way, so it was cool, and I made time to fit it in.

I was really nervous about non-fans going after me for praising a series that's got x problematic thing in it, or fans going after me for criticizing it, but that hasn't happened so far.

I'm really glad Inori's out there doing what she's doing. Her story comforted me, and it's impossible to know how many people she's helped by just being willing to discuss important topics in her work. It takes courage.

Series don't have to be perfect to be meaningful, and that goes double for queer media. I don't believe in holding a queer creator to an impossible standard. Queer people deserve to enjoy stories that have questionable tropes or weird writing if they want, just as straight people have for centuries. And ILTV has so much that's charming and rewarding about it. The queer joy of the story can get through to you even when the world seems dark and lonely, and that alone makes it valuable.

I hope you enjoy this article!

[thislovintime]

During the filming of “Monkee See, Monkee Die,” June 1966.

“Midway through the season, we shot one of my favorites episodes of all time, ‘Getting Davy Jones.’ As the head of Fernwood Junior High’s Davy Jones Fan Club, Marcia is responsible for getting the impossibly cute lead singer from the Monkees to appear at their prom, and after various miscommunications and lots of worry, she comes through. […] Davy’s arrival on the set created a buzz greater than any other guest star we had on the show. Of course I was thrilled to be the one who got to interact with him. I can see why Eve could get jealous. Davy was a lovely guy, and it was a big deal to have a pop star of his caliber on the set. I noticed Barry watch him the way one might if looking for pointers. Though excited to be the object of his affection, or rather attention, I didn’t show it. I’d learned to play it cool around stars. My heart fluttered when he kissed me at the end, I’ll admit it, but Peter Tork was always my favorite Monkee. That was the difference between Marcia and me. She was predictable, a straight arrow. My taste was quirky, offbeat, and different.” - Maureen McCormick, Here’s The Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice (2009)

Q: “What do you want to do when The Monkees break up? Peter: “I try not to think too much about what happens after the Monkees break up. It’s rather depressing since I don’t know what I want to do. So far, I’ve found my greatest joy in being a performer and musician. When I’m on stage performing, I get a feeling of fulfillment that I don’t get at any other time. I’m inclined to think that I wouldn’t spend much time on television unless there was a live audience. That’s what really makes it fun — having the people right there. I like to work with a crowd, to sort of mold the act to suit the type of people in your audience. You don’t get that kind of challenge on a television set, except an occasional laugh from the crew. They get so used to your antics and they’ve seen you when you’re not quite so clever, so it’s very difficult to get a reaction from them. With a normal audience, however, even when they don’t react, it’s some kind of non-reaction. Maybe they can’t hear you or they can’t understand you or they just don’t like you. So, in conclusion, more or less, I think I’d want to do something for a live audience, but what sort of thing, I don’t know yet. Maybe I never will.” - Flip, August 1967

“[Peter] has reactivated some old contacts and recently tried out at Paramount for comedy spots on ‘Happy Days,’ ‘Laverne and Shirley’ and ‘Mork and Mindy.’ ‘
I’m trying comedy because I know I��m glib, and I know I’m good at it,’ he said. ‘And I’m taking acting lessons. I’ll be glib one day in drama too. ‘Maybe first I can get a walk-on, then some solid comedic roles, then maybe in time a feature role in another series, then films, then maybe I can make enough to finance my music, which is really what I want to do,’ he said, the bounds of his quite sincere fantasy mushrooming in a minute.” - article by Steve Sonsky, The Miami Herald, February 18, 1979 (x)

[writeyouin]

Would you mind continue the one about the lonely reader on lost light?

Transformers MTMTE/LL Reader Insert – Attention Part 2 of 2 – A Friend in the Darkness

A/N – So, part one of this fic came out ages ago. It’s so funny to me that I was asked for angst, then when I delivered, people were like, “No, get back here and fix this right now.”

Welp, like a cat that smashed a glass, I’m finally home, with a dead mouse as an apology for the mess.

Warnings – Themes of depression (with a happy ending though).

Rating – T

You had been on your own for a while now. At first, you had tried to keep in contact with the other bots on the ship, but there was always so much to be done. Repairs had to be made, the bots all had jobs, and while you had known the crew for little over a year, they had known each other for hundreds if not thousands of years, meaning that they each had groups of predetermined friends, all with their own inside jokes and banter you couldn’t begin to comprehend.

When it became obvious that everyone was currently too busy to spend time with you, you retreated into yourself, making little effort to communicate further. You supposed that eventually somebody would seek you out, but it didn’t happen.

All alone, you began to think about what being the only organic aboard a non-organic ship meant. It never seemed to matter much before, but now you were realising just how different you were. The worst thing seemed to be that if you had been lonely on Earth, you would have surrounded yourself with nature, finding solace in the steady breaths of fresh air, but that was impossible on the Lost Light; the mechs didn’t need organic matter for their mental health, but you, on the other hand, were learning what it meant to be deprived of such things.

Soon enough you started getting out of bed later than usual, finding little enthusiasm to face the long days with nobody to talk to and nowhere new to go. You lost interest in most of your hobbies, unable to continue drawing, reading, or writing as you once had purely for fun. It seemed that your world had turned grey, leeching your life and soul of any colour and vibrancy it had once held.

It was on one such day wherein you had chosen to stay in bed that there was finally a knock at your door. You didn’t get the chance to answer it as Cyclonus let himself in, having stolen a passkey from Rung’s office.

“So, you are here,” Cyclonus stated matter of factly, as if it wasn’t your room he was standing in.

You regarded Cyclonus carefully, unused to the usually sombre bot. He hadn’t been among your old friends and you weren’t sure what to make of him now, especially due to the strange way he had come to seek you out.

“Uh… Hi,” You said dazedly, your voice small and quiet as if you had almost forgotten how to speak in your solitude.

“You haven’t been around recently,” Cyclonus stated, his steely gaze cutting into you.

Until then, you hadn’t been aware that Cyclonus had been keeping tabs on you; you wondered why he had bothered to do so.

“I’m- I’m not well,” You whispered sheepishly, feeling somewhat guilty that he should find you in such a state, even though you technically didn’t have anything to feel guilty about.

Cyclonus stared hard at you. He didn’t know much about humans, but it was true you didn’t look well. Your skin was pale and your face was drawn into an anxious, closed-off expression. Your hair lacked its usual sheen, and you seemed somewhat dry as if you were dehydrated. Yet, despite the evidence before him, Cyclonus didn’t believe it was a physical illness that plagued you.

“That may be true,” He said evenly, “But your illness is in your head, and your spark. Your friends have been negligent of your needs.”

“They’re busy,” You replied feebly, unsure as to why you were currently defending them against Cyclonus’ accusations.

“And you’re the one suffering for it.”

You looked down at the blanket, unwilling to meet Cyclonus’ gaze as your eyes burned with unshed tears.

He bent down, getting into a sitting position in an attempt to get closer to you. He wasn’t the best at making conversation, but some things needed to be said.

“Being alone is hard. Telling yourself that it’s your fault is harder. You and I… We deal with things in different ways, but I can still tell true loneliness when I see it.”

“Why are you here? We’ve never even spoken before.”

Cyclonus thought of Tailgate, the small blue bot who had spent all his time trying to get Cyclonus to open up. Even when Cyclonus had acted utterly vile towards him, Tailgate hadn’t given up hope that they could be friends; it had improved Cyclonus’ life exponentially.

“Because I don’t ever want you to turn out like me. Now get up, washed, and dressed. I’ll wait outside. We’re going out and I want you to tell me all about your life.”

Initially, spending time with Cyclonus was somewhat disconcerting. He left most of the conversation to you, listening more than he spoke. You weren’t used to such attentiveness; usually, conversations with friends were all about give and take. Yet, slowly as the two of you sat in the Observation Deck, you started to warm up to him.

He had gotten you out of your room which had unintentionally become your cell, made sure that you took care of yourself, even going so far as to ensure you ate and took two full bottles of water out during your excursion, then he simply listened.

In the following weeks, he made sure to check on you regularly, and shortly thereafter the other bots had found time for you again, apologising for the long time it had been since you hung out. You weren’t sure whether Cyclonus had been the one to tell them of your need for social interaction, or whether the others finally had some free time to fraternise, but either way, your life was getting back to normal and you no longer felt isolated.

You joined clubs that some of the other bots set up, including an Art Class which Rodimus insisted on being the model for; that wasn’t a good arrangement since he couldn’t seem to sit still long enough for any serious artist to capture him and he was highly critical of any abstract art that ‘didn’t fit his image.’

Swerve started a film club and every other week you were allowed to pick the movie. Sometimes, you picked something you had seen a million times over, and sometimes you tried something new so you could share in theories and surprises with your friends.

There were still rough days, and even weeks when you would struggle with ship life, but there was always someone to go to on nights like that, and on the few rare occasions that everyone was seemingly busy, Cyclonus would show up at your door unannounced, making sure that you had someone who would always be there to listen to you.

Sometimes, all one needs is a friend who has suffered the same darknesses as yourself, since only they can truly understand how difficult it is to claw one’s way out of the darkness alone, and those who have suffered alone will always make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.

[punkboyjack]

The shit lie of SRS in Iran

So it's a something stuck in my brain ( and my life ) that I think people need to know about it is the thing about LGBTQ+ people in Iran especially T because I'm trans and it's little too much complicated in iran

Bing trans in Iran has some benefits in look but it's a lie

We are known as mentally ill people

We have the same problems as any other LGBTQ+ person in the world but with a higher rate

Most of the time, they give strong psychedelic drugs and hormones to trans children ( or just LGBT childrens )

And I was so paranoid about it that I wouldn't take any of the psychiatrists' pills when I was depressed (my parents don't know that I just got better somehow and no one doubt about it)

The Iranian government also monitors online transgender communities, often subjecting them to censorship, and police routinely arrest trans people

Unfortunately most Iranian parents like boys so trans woman's are badly treated almost 92% of trans women in Iran faced verbal or emotional violence and over 70% had faced physical violence

And the rate of murder and attempted suicide among trans people in Iran is high (mostly trans women).

and that really sad bcz one of the trans woman's that a used to know have Ben send to who knows where for the military training by her dad because ( HE was not man enough)

1_pre surgery is hell : we go on a all girl / all boy schools and I think it's like Catholic schools over there

And people don't respect us we mostly have problem finding friends we don't have the From the social point of view, it is almost impossible to identify ourselves as transgender because the government has strictly separated men and women. I didn't really know what my problem was until I was 13 years old

Worst and most important part is telling our parents that we are trans and they should support us because all the work of the license is done with the consent of the family ( I'm so lucky about my parents by the way so good for me but holy fuck who made that rule in the first place)

2_ the surgery is chipper here (it's a lie ) -> we spent Soo much money and time ( and mental health) on permission to do surgery and people who do this surgeries are not even have expertise in this work And they have long-term side effects that are not good at all

first submitted to a long and invasive process

including virginity tests ( idk whyyy)

formal parental approval ( I told you)

, psychological ( it's just the worst part you can't imagine how terrible this psychologists are ),

inspection by the Family Court ( like a god damn criminal )

If we don do the SRS we are basically nothing to them and Thay don't give a fuck about us unless we did something wrong or something and then we are basically dead as hell

Like let's say you are a heterosexual trans men who don't want to do a surgery and you have girlfriend who loves you and respect's you

Will no you don't you are just a lesbian to them and will if they found out what's between your legs you and your gf are going to be executed I'm not joking

3_After surgery, is hard as hell : discrimination, from the law, the state, and from the people around us

Given the lowest quality of hormone therapy, we usually do not have reliable sources for it . Surgery under the hands of non-specialists causes dangerous side effects, and if we are imprisoned, we will no longer get hormones

And not so fun fact : Most of the gay people in Iran are recognized as transgender and they have to tell us about the process because otherwise they will be executed. For the government, changing their gender of poor gay people shows a better face than killing them

And yeah rest of your gay life you are just unfortunate person stuck in a person of your own body

Bruh I read it all over and I'm not even close to the realty it's too much

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

How You Met THE SPARROW ACADEMY:

PAIRINGS: Sparrow Academy x Genderless!Descriptionless!Reader

FOLLOW UP TO: How You Met - The Umbrella Academy

A.N: we need more sparrow content ASAP. I fell quick and I fell hard

WARNINGS: Quick and minor mention of a bus crash (under Marcus tab), varying degrees of content for each character, me borrowing a villain from the comics I don't know shit about other than what i read off of TUA Fandom Wiki, and me still getting the hang of this format and writing and just having fun and being silly with it more than taking it seriously

LINKS: main masterlist || sparrow masterlist

MARCUS HARGREEVES:

Ahh Marcus 😍

He's really just so... 🤩😍🤪🥰😚☺️😅😘☺️🤩

Yeah

Oh my gosh seriously, theres a reason he's number one and it's because he's the biggest dork

You knew a thing or two about putting up about three different kinds of walls until you could hardly recognize yourself, what with you basically being the Lila of the Sparrows

It's complicated how you met but also, not in the slightest

True, there was only one Handler and the only kid she ever "had" was Lila

But she wasn't your mother, she was your boss

One that you only ever met once or twice, but you can hardly remember it, it was so long ago

You were recruited by her, however, at a unusually young age annnndd long story short, you quit

Working for an organization out of time sounded cool, and was. For about 2 (non)minutes

Then it just got depressing and way WAY confusing and downright dangerous

It took so many (non)years to plan an escape and then another two or so to actually put it into action and escape

Nothing unusual, you were constantly jumping from year to year, place to place, never staying one place too long. (Kinda like couch surfing! Time surfing if you want to put it that way)

It went off without hitch, your little plan, and had been going fairly smooth for what you perceived as about four or five years

Then said "pitstop" in good ol' 2009

That's when your path collided with the Sparrows

And when it did, you crashed

No literally, there's a literal crash involved

It was definitely something that happened by total chance

And yeah, you could argue that's how most things are, but, hopefully you get what I mean

Like, it's crazy how you just happened to forget something when you left for your walk for work and decided you had time to go around the corner and get it. Crazy that you had just enough time to catch the next bus

And that next bus just so happened to be the one that got caught in the crossfires of a Sparrow vs Villain of The Week fight

Thankfully nobody was seriously hurt, but there were a great number of close calls

You being one of them

And you had Sloane Hargreeves to thank

In a spur of the moment as you were fleeing the bus with the rest of the crowd, she pulled you lot from across the street and out of harms way

When the fight had died out, the weirdo supervillain calling himself the Murder Magician was taken away (his sidekick, the assistant as well) And the Sparrows were swarmed with press and thankful citizens

You think, because of this, it'd be virtually impossible to get any face time with the famed sparrows, right?

Wrong

Again, it's crazy how you just so happened to be trying to make a beeline out of there (what? being on the run meant blending in, and you couldn't very well do that from here) when you ran into a very handsome wall

"Oh! My apologies, I didn't see you there"

Okay, so. Not a wall. Just a very tall, very handsome, and very very famous man you knew more about than you probably should thanks to your old job maintaining timeliness and such

You insisted you had to go, but wouldn't you know it, your little streak of luck wasn't over yet

That murder magician guy? Did I mention? He had a little something called a murderbot

Kind of makes sense now, I guess. Usually, supervillains aren't as cool with being caught unless they have another trick up their sleeve

So, kinda awkward, but

the thing kinda took ya hostage along with some other unlucky few in the crowd thanks to advantage it got witht he element of surprise and all

Marcus and the sparrows handled it fairly quickly but it was still upsetting!

Experiencing a bus crash, a murder magician, his murderbot and then two rescues all in one morning can take a lot out of you!

Marcus, having already ran into you and then letting you get kidnapped right in front of him immediately after, he felt kinda responsible for you. call him old fashioned (lol)

He asked multiple times if you were okay

He did not want to leave your side until he knew you were okay

He'd invite you back to the academy where Grace could check you over for potential injuries (concussion, internal bleeding, etc) and he could be certain you'd be getting good medical care

(even though EMTs are right the f there lmao)

He may be a dork but he's also a spoiled rich kid like his siblings lskd8v8

You, all the meanwhile, having a whole different timeline's worth of knowledge on him and his siblings thanks to your time at the commission (this excludes the kugelblitz since that was technically not supposed to happen... I think) felt like you were treading dangerous waters interacting with someone so famous in history

I kinda lost where this was going lol but I do know that after all that, it was a bit harder to say no to Marcus and the little soft side he started to show when he was getting worried

Cause you were definitely started to get a little dizzy and you definitely hit your head at some point in all that chaos

And a very handsome, very famous, very dorky, and very kind man was now very worried about you

Okay, so maybe you could be a little bit late to work

SPARROW!BEN HARGREEVES:

I finally understand the term poor little meow meow

He is a wet cat

Angry and petty and snippy

And inexplicably ruthless

You two would probably meet somewhere totally unexpected

Hold on let me think of it real quick

I guess I could see you working their PR or something, if that was even a thing for them (you being newer, and ofc around their age)

Idk I feel like, with Sparrow Ben, and how much of a little shit (affectionate) he is, I think it would be kinda hilarious and yet totally on brand for him to have a connection (good or bad) with someone who got paid to tell him what to do - ie, he thinks he doesn't need it and that it's the others that need to behave and rebrand themselves when he's like, right there

His promo poster was literally the Had To Do It To Em pose, you know I'm right about this

Not exactly the kind of image that's super great for, you know, a superhero

So yeah, he would have to listen, but he'd give a stink

And even a bigger one when you threw it right back

I'd think you'd have to have that kind of skill, at least to some degree, after working in such a field

Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass

The point is, y'all would likely be bitter, but like, the kind that got comfortable after a while?? If that makes sense??

Either way, he's such a little shit and i just don't see an instance where you meet and it's perfect sunshine and rainbows right off the bat pfft

FEI HARGREEVES:

BIRD SANCTUARY!! BIRD SANCTUARY!! BIRD SANCTUARY!!

YOU WORK IN A BIRD SANCTUARY

You two are a match made in the cosmos and its sickening 🥰

Fei, like her aforementioned brothers, takes herself and the job pretty seriously

So it can be a bit rare for someone to see her in her true element

Or at least--

People who really know her

Her family

So, when a total stranger just comes along and just,,

✨️✨️✨️

Its really special

And what better than bonding over birds, and nerding out over birds?!

I feel like she wouldn't exactly shy away from whatever she may be feeling

But I also think she'd try to underplay it

Ya know, keep it cool and not make a huge deal

You know, it wasnt a huge deal that one day, on her day off, she decides to visit a reveried bird sanctuary just outside of town

And that, upon that visit, she happened to stumble upon you, unable to stop yourself from spewing bird facts and hey? Did this random visitor know about the loyalty of crows and all the limitless examples of humans befriending crows??

Well they did now

Oh no did she love your corny enthusiasm over birds - crows especially!!

She just couldn't help herself when she first overheard you and wanted a better view

Sure she spent her time communing with the birds around her, but a select few of crows--her crows--adopted a sudden interest in you and your info-dumping to unwilling visitors, flocking to you wherever you went

It wasn't unusual for birds to bond with caretakers but you didn't recognize these crows that now seemed to follow you everywhere, always keeping a polite distance and paying careful attention to anything you had to say

Soon enough, you were fully conversing with these crows, making sure they were comfortable wherever they might have come from

That pretty much sealed the deal for her

From then on, she knew she had to make herself known to you; introduce herself, commend your respect for her birds (and the others in the sanctuary)

Yall hit it off immediately, no surprise ajdkps

Oh she's also so fucking smooth adjsjs

Idk, shes just kinda sweeps you off your feet when she finally introduces herself to you, commending you for your respect to your birds (totally teasing you for how you, by extension and strictly technical terms, treated her through her birds) and is such a coy little fker who loves seeing you get all flustered

My god though, shes also so fucking soft and sweet and loyal when you earn her trust

Either friend or partner, she'll come across something she'll think you'll like and give it to you next time she sees you (ohh idk, like a crow)

Shes so fucking loyal and just so heart melting while also being the coolest, smallest fker ever and AHHH

I just love her

ALPHONSO HARGREEVES:

Jskapsoyc

He's so boyfriend shaped

I love him, I need to know more about him, and I'd love to say how you guys met was some miraculous coincidence that makes perfect sense like Fei, but honestly he just really strikes me as someone you just Bump Into, ya know?

He's a guy, and he's just around

Maybe you met in a convenience store

That feels like something that would happen (or maybe I'm just still thinking of his fight scene with Diego)

Oo! Honestly, some place like a bowling alley or arcade

He, like Marcus, is such a dork

But he holds himself as like, a, Cool Dork, ya know?

And it's not as hidden

It's not hidden at all, he's such a snarky pizza-eating, soda-chugging, quick-as-a-whip dork

He feels comfortable in public, for not all the right reasons

And he's easy to run into

He gets a lot of mistreatment by Sparrow fans, but his attitude is much like his power

Arguably, it's because of his powers

He's rubber, they're glue; what bounces off of him sticks to you

ie, he's so good at letting a bad attitude bounce off of him and stick to his attackers

And yeah, sometimes his walls are down and stuff gets to him when he isn't prepared, but overall he is sadly (and infuriatingly) used to it

He's not always the favorite among fans, is what I'm trying to get at

>:( fucking stupid if you ask me

But!!

Woah woah woah. Hold on...

Back up

Apparently he's... your favorite?

Lol okay, yeah, sure, you're totally not trying to be nice, he thinks (note the sarcasm)

Like I said, he's used to feeling the occasional tap on his shoulder -- like now, where he stands in line for some good ol' mediocre bowling alley hotdogs -- cause someone recognized him

He was, arguably, one of the more recognizable sparrows after all, behind Christopher obviously, so

Here we go, he thinks, turning around, hands lazing in his pockets and quite possibly the least enthusiastic look any living thing could conjure on his face

And just like anyone else, you stood waiting as he turned to face you, smiling in a way that was all too obvious you were trying to hide your excitement

"Hey," he nods

"Sorry," you laughed, but not in the usual way. More like an awkward chuckle that sounded nervous. That wasn't too unusual, either

"Sorry," you said again, burying your hand back inside your pocket like the other. "you probably get this all the time, pretty much everywhere"

He shrugged it off, not appearing too bothered by it

"No problem," he said, glancing back ahead to check the line. It still was pretty long; some issue with the deep fryer holding up the line, by the looks of it. He had time. He looked back at you, waiting indifferently for whatever to come. "What's up?"

Judging by the looks of it, you had already started backtracking the moment you got his attention. You were second guessing getting his attention. Cause figures

"Just a big fan," your hands were still in your pockets, fiddling and moving around visibly through the thin cotton, maroon zip-up sweatshirt

You had shrugged, and thats when he noticed your zip up was familiar; it was a piece of sparrow merch

An older one, judging by how worn it looked

The little sparrow insignia higher up on the left breast of the jacket was still there, but it was significantly faded, and the matching white rope laces dangling from the hood were fraying at the ends

He nods again, leaving the future of the conversation up to you

Wildly inconvenient for you, you thought, considering you hadn't exactly thought this far ahead. At least, if you had, you immediately forgot.

You said the first thing that came to mind, cause of course you did

"I loved the Sparrow comics when I was younger,"

Okay, yeah, you definitely regretted this. This was mortifying. Plain and simple.

Sadly, however, Alphonso saw this in your face and misconstrued the reasons for regret

He thought you were regretting talking to him when really you were just getting in your own head

You quickly assure him though, that, actually, he's your favorite and you think he's super cool and you've actually been a fan of his since yall were kids

He takes the information like any other fan interaction,

That is until it really clicks for him you're being totally serious and your enthusiasm is genuine and he kinda :o

Then he's such a suave little shit I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Goes straight to his head, God bless <3

SLOANE HARGREEVES:

Love of my life, bane of my existence 🥰

She's perfect and such an inconvenience to me personally

I love her entirely <3

She's the sweetest of the sweet and sunshine in every sense of the word

Huh? Oh right!

How you met... *ahem* ☺️

Oh no biggie, she just uhh, saved your life is all

Okay okay, maybe not your literal life but she did save your morning shake which saved your morning which saved your ass from your boss

She was a blushing mess despite the grace of her powers and agility -- but it technically had been her fault

Sloane had been in such a rush, she unintentionally collided with you on one of the busier streets downtown

Totally cliche and a meet-cute right out of the movies

I honestly don't think I have much else to say about that, it was pretty straight forward and sweet (like her)

Admittedly you had been rattling around her head for a few days afterwards cause hey 👀👀👀 she can appreciate what's in front of her - and yet, she was kicking herself for not doing something about it

She held a lot of responsibility as a sparrow and part of her was afraid, not so much upholding the sparrow image, but disappointing her siblings

Sloane dreams of a having a life of her own, unsanctioned by her father and/or her brothers and sisters. She's been planning ahead for her inevitable exit, why had she chickened out with you??

Almost two weeks had passed since she ran into you and thirteen days since she talked herself into giving up on anything happening.

She had scolded herself, really, how foolish it was of her to think she could have something sweet and endearing with a very cute person like you

Sloane is a romantic in every sense, and this had merely been proof. How naive

And...

How naive of her to think she saw you standing out like a sore thumb in one of the sparrow crowds stationed outside for one of their outings

She had to do a double take when you gave her a shy wave, and she definitely had to make sure she wasn't making a fool of herself as she made her way over

You had sent her a grateful nod when she covertly steered you two out of the reach of cheering fans crowding around you trying to get to her and her siblings

Sloane may or may not have failed in her attemps to tamper down the corny smile that came with your being here

You looked almost, shy

"I thought you seemed familiar," you smiled, looking up over her shoulder at one of the many huge banners plastered on the academy. She followed your gaze over her shoulder and then quickly averted her gaze, not overly eager to see the sight

Were her cheeks always this sore?

JAYME HARGREEVES:

She was forged by the gays, for the gays

I love that trope where the sunny sunshine one is the grumpy grumps favorite

I feel like that could easily apply to her

But I also feel like it wouldn't be like that immediately, if at all

Not even soon

It would be a long process to get her there cause she's a sparrow after all, and being a sparrow means you come with an ego and stubbornness so strong it might as well be its own superpower

When she met you, she was irrationally and entirely furious

A big part of it was you kept cropping up everywhere

You delivered a pizza to her and Alphonso once upon a time and ever since, by total coincidence, you kept reappearing

She didn't believe it was accidental ofc

She thought you were some stalker

Meanwhile you were just as confused

It wasn't exactly love at first sight for you, either

Jayme was brash and short tempered, but when she was around you -- bumped into you on the street, out for a run in the park, whatever -- she was just plain cruel

And the thing is, she didn't know why

All you had done was the deliver the pizza, made light conversation with Alphonso and wished them both a good day before leaving

The fucking nerve of you

She's just crushing hard, actually

Nah, you're just annoying to her, that's totally it

She totally didn't think you were infuriatingly attractive, fun to be around or anything. And the display of dry humor she witnessed when you were chatting with her brother totally didn't anger her in a way she couldn't understand because she wasn't used to cute people saying stuff that she almost laughed at

But she didn't laugh. So there

She won, you lost

And you didn't even know it.

You simply thanked Alphonso for the early arrival tip, nodded a goodbye to both of them and then left

Just like that. No fan freak outs despite you knowing who they were, no autographs. Just a "thanks for saving the day" and a "let it cool for a few minutes, the pizza oven can get pretty hot and it was a short drive here"

That's it.

But that's just the thing.

That was never it.

There was always more, and Jayme wasn't buying it.

You were too calm, like you had been planning that meeting for ages

Maybe you were, even if that didn't make a damn lick of sense

Alphonso calls her out on her shit and he's the only one she really listens to even though she's not happy about it

On some level she knows she's being an asshole but it's kinda hard for her to help

Oh, real quick, by the way

If you're in the community and that's the context between you two for this preference, I don't mean to say she's acting like this cause of internalized homophobia or anything, she's just kind of an asshole skskxhcppff

This girl knows she's gay

Like Ben, she's more like a cat than a dog

She's cute, but she bites, and she's quick and really, she's just a total dick

It's also just kind of a Hargreeves thing, too to be fair

But, like cats, it's kind of, weirdly, part of their charm

She does make an effort though, after her talk with Alphonso, to be less... dickish

It works

Kind of

After a few practice runs

And lots of pizza orders later

But eventually, she's working her way up to answering the door and getting the pizzas from you with one goal in mind

Not making you storm away in rage

I mean, sure, part of the reason she gets so mad is cause you can actually keep up with her

It's never been this hard for her to get the last word in cause you actually can keep up with her and whatever she dishes out to you, you dish right back

In a way, she's kinda met her match

And that made things worse

But. You were still human and she was the one who was a literal super whose specialty was finding someone's weakness

(Actually Jayme sometimes worries she does that somehow without actually using her powers, so that was a big part of her wanting to be better ☹️)

And she's making mild progress!

It isn't until she's dialing the pizza place and working through her nerves as she does so that she realizes why she's so nervous

And then she throws the phone on the couch in embarrassment cause ew feelings

But one thing keepa her from giving up completely:

For whatever reason, you keep coming back

[skzhocomments]

My only Faith is you - Jeongin (I.N) Oneshot Fanfic (Vampire AU)

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

Pairing: Jeongin (I.N of Stray Kids) x OC (name: Faith)

Genre: mature, angst, romance, Vampire AU

Word Count: ~13k

Warnings: mature, explicit sexual content, swearing, angst, depression, crying, mentions of non-consensual interactions, blood play (Jeongin is a vampire)

This is just a story that doesn’t describe Jeongin or other mentioned Stray Kids’ members true characters in any way. It’s just a product of my imagination and should be treated as such.

This story is also on Wattpad (click here) and AO3 (click here)

A/N: As any other writer out there, I would appreciate reblogs and your comments on this story. Please let me know if you enjoyed it, and most importantly, have fun!

---

Summary

In-between jobs, Faith cursed the hell out of the world for dealing her such shitty hands. 'The light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train.' - was her mantra, the only reason that kept her pushing despite her astronomical debt. She was going to get out of the town no matter what. She never believed in God, for He never answered her prayers. But what happens if one day someone hears her pleas for help, and what happens if that someone is not human, nor is he God? What happens if that someone longs for the very essence running through her veins, to the point it hurts? Will she just forget his existence and stay oblivious, pretending they never met, since that would keep her safe? Will she even see him again? Or will she embrace the danger, as being in danger has always been the only thing that got her heart racing and made her feel alive? Mature content ahead. 18+ © all rights reserved by skzhocomments (Tumblr), skzho (Tumblr)/ storminsidemycore (Wattpad), storminsidemycore (AO3)

---

My only Faith is you - Jeongin Oneshot Fanfic (Vampire AU)

~I.N's POV~

Humans are disgusting creatures.

Selfish, vile, egoistical, sinful, self-centred, unscrupulous, obsessed with themselves, way too proud for their own good.

But still, as horrible as they are... I need them.

I need humans to survive.

This is, for me, a fact of life that's still hard to accept, even though I've been like this... for many years now. Way too many. In fact, more years than any pathetic human life could even reach.

This inherent necessity I have for humans was initially impossible to control. The pretty girl from the coffee shop with the way too short skirt for the times, the drunkard sleeping on a park bench on a random Wednesday night, or the clumsy nerd boy with the round glasses holding his science books way too tightly for his own good under his arm, his plaided shirt too tight and ridiculously tucked into his high-waisted pants – no one was safe from me, for I couldn't hold back the desire I had for that extremely delicious something that flows through those small human veins. Oh, how I enjoyed the way their heart rate went up, pumping even more of that life elixir I hold so dear, when the realisation of what was going to happen hit them.

Their screams were annoying, though. Especially the girls'. High-pitched and irritating as fuck. I always had to make them shut up quicker. Don't get me wrong, men squeal as well, but they're more like... rats. A man's scream sounds almost funny, considering how macho man they see themselves. No one's macho on the verge of death, I suppose.

Let's just say that the first few decades of my new existence were unruly. The blood gave me so much dopamine, I couldn't stop myself, nor did I want to. I was young, barely turned for a few years, and I had fun. Being a sickly kid, I was never allowed to do much, but when I became a vampire, damn, did I not hold back! I allowed myself all the fun I've missed out on in the early years of my life, and I drank all the blood I could, my lips permanently stained red.

That all ended when I met my current family, as I like to call them now. It's unusual to meet too many vampires in the same place. There's not many of us, barely a handful all around the country. So, when I met Chris, everything changed.

I was leaving a bar with a pretty hussy: blonde hair, big tits, amazing thighs. Frankly, I didn't give a shit for any of that, what I wanted from her was to sink my teeth in her jugular vein and leave her cold, but for starters, as much as she was attractive, she was the biggest slut the '30s had ever seen. The thing about those years was that women were either wife material or easy, and that slut certainly wasn't any wife material. I picked her because barely anybody cared for girls like her that would flaunt their femininity, sleep around, and leave practically nothing to the imagination. Men wanted shy, reserved women, so who was going to miss this prostitute?

With as many affairs as she had, no one would suspect anything when she would inevitably turn up in a ditch on the other side of the city. I thought about it long and hard, even though I hated it and would've much rather been reckless, but what's key to vampires is that our existence must stay a secret unless we want to be hunted down, so I needed to hand-pick my victims meticulously.

It only took one espresso martini and a wink to convince her to go with me. Her laugh was annoying, but I was hungry, and her neck looked appetizing as fuck. So much so, that I couldn't even wait until we got back to my place. If I did, things would've maybe been different now, and I would've still been alone, perhaps.

I pushed her against the wall and kissed her neck, preparing it for the bite. Her perfume almost made me gag. I preferred it when people didn't use any on their skin, but oh well, beggars can't be choosers. When my teeth pierced the smooth skin on her neck, she let out such a loud scream, I wanted to smack her. Still, I just covered her mouth and continued drinking her essence. Her blood didn't taste too amazing: I found out that some people taste better than others. Before having time to analyse it, though, I felt myself being kicked to the ground so quickly and powerfully, I didn't even have time to process it.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing out here?!" a man's voice shouted at me, annoyed. I was also extremely angry: who did this idiot think he was to interrupt my meal?

And then it clicked. A normal person wouldn't have been able to shake me off. Or rather - a human wouldn't have been able to. Us vampires are blessed with inhumane force, specifically so we can easily hold our victims down and eat from them. It's just the way mother nature made us, and it's nothing more than a predator and prey dynamic between us and humans. Just the cycle of life.

"What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?!" I shouted back and got myself up from the ground. A quick glance at the girl told me that she's passed out, so there was at least some luck there. Her screams would've made me go insane for real – I'd probably snap her neck.

"Saving your ass! Why the fuck are you eating out here? What if someone comes?!" the angry man came towards me and grabbed my collar forcefully. I was shocked to notice that I can't smack his hands away, for his grip was too strong, and he was more powerful than me.

That was a first. I've never met other vampires before, not even the one who turned me. He left me before I got the chance to wake up.

"What's so wrong with that?! I'd just leave. It's not like anyone would see me, no?" I replied coldly, being able to control my anger better now that I wasn't as hungry. The bitch's blood was awful, but it did its job.

"If anyone would, would you kill them too?" he raised an eyebrow and let go of me.

"I mean – I guess so?"

"That's sad. What's your objective, anyway? Messing around and eating? Why don't you do something more productive?"

"Tsch." I scoffed. "Like what? And what do you know about me, anyway?"

"Most things." He shrugged. "I've been following you for some time now, Jeongin. Or should I call you I.N, as you introduced yourself to her 20 minutes ago?" he pointed to the woman on the floor, who was still unconscious, two thin lines of deep red blood flowing from her neck.

"Who the fuck are you?" I replied, confused. Who was this guy and why did he know so much about me?

"Name's Chris. Or Chan, whichever you'd like." He handed me his right hand, waiting for a shake.

"Woah!" I rolled my eyes. "Really explicit! Well, Chris, care to tell me why you've been following me?" I slapped his hand away instead of shaking it, making him smirk.

"I wanted to ask you to join us."

"And who's us?"

"My companions. Fellows that are... like me and you. We call ourselves Stray Kids."

"What a dumb name." I mocked. "And why exactly would I want to join you?"

"Well, why would you want to be alone? Doesn't it get lonely?"

I scoffed again. What was this idiot telling me?

"Look, I'm not interested in any... "companionship" or whatever the fuck you want to call it."

"Suit yourself, then." The man shrugged and turned around. "But if you change your mind, you can find us on Fable Street 143. The big house with the green door. You can't miss it."

"Like hell I would join you. I don't need to hang out with a bunch of nobodies."

"Oh, and don't forget to take care of that." He ignored my snarky reply and pointed to the passed-out girl. "You can leave the poor thing live, no one's gonna believe her anyway."

And with that, he left.

~

The following months passed by excruciatingly slow.

It's so ironic. I've lived for a long time, but the months ever since that encounter went by slower than a hundred years.

I kept thinking about the man, and I couldn't help but feel like he emanated an aura that demanded respect. And more than that, he raised a suspicious curiosity inside of me; one I've never felt before.

That's how I ended up on Fable Street 143, paying close attention to the big house I've been told about. I kept waiting and waiting, but the green door never opened, I couldn't hear any sounds from the inside, and no one seemed to live there - metaphorically, of course, because no other fellows of mine would be alive.

Was it a scam? I thought at first, before deciding that I ain't in a patient state to keep waiting. I just went to the door and opened it, walking inside like I owned the place.

As soon as I walked in, loud laughter could be heard from a room on the opposite side of the house. I took my time walking towards the voices, admiring the interesting architecture on the walls. Intricate shapes were carved in wood, the height of the room impressive. Every detail pointed towards a Victorian architecture and evoked memories I thought to be long gone from my brain. It looked similar to the house I grew up in, making me feel even a bit... nostalgic.

When I finally reached the end of the large hallway, the smell of burning wood coming from the fireplace of the big living room I walked in welcomed me. In front of the fireplace, two big sofas and a coffee table made the place feel cosier, a few boys sitting leisurely and playing what looked like some sort of board game.

The left side of the room was more like an arcade, or a game room: there were all sorts of entertainment, such as a pool table, a football table, some game cabinets. There was a comical contrast between this side of the room, and the right side, where only a large table with many chairs scattered around it caught my eye.

"Oh?" one of the people on the sofa noticed me and turned around, raising an eyebrow expectedly. He had chestnut brown hair, however a blonde strand stood out in his bangs.

The man I got to know as Chris was also on the sofa, smirking.

"You came." Was all he said, before standing up and coming in front of me to shake my hand.

I decided to accept his shake this time.

"Is this the guy you've been telling us about?" another man spoke, his features cat-like.

"I'm Jeongin." I nodded shortly.

"Well, Jeongin, we're glad you decided to join us."

"I haven't decided anything-" I started, but was quickly cut off.

"We were just about to go feast. Wanna come with?" Chris tapped my shoulder once, then left the room without waiting for my reply. I once again felt his powerful aura, so strong that it made me follow him.

~

That's how I ended up with Stray Kids. I got to learn that there were 7 other vampires in total, and Chris, being the oldest, was proclaimed the leader of the group. Everyone was in charge of something, such as: finding a good place to eat, doing background checks on people we were interested in consuming, covering up our tracks and disposing of dead bodies if necessary. Stray Kids' main morals consisted in making sure the number of dead humans was as low as possible. They really seemed to dislike killing. I didn't care too much for it, but since I decided to live with them, I had to abide by their rules as well.

I found out that it's so much more convenient to not kill a human and dispose of them. It was so much easier using a drug instead to make them fall asleep while we eat, then making it look like they got hurt by accident.

This means that we don't really bite their necks, though, much to my dismay. A bite to the arm will suffice, then we'll cover it up with a small cut to make it look like a scratch and call it a day. This way we can eat without doing much work afterwards, and if we particularly liked someone, we could just remember them and return to eat when their blood supply comes back.

~

~Faith's POV~

Fucking hell, not again.

I thought while gagging so badly, suddenly feeling the need to throw up.

"Why are humans so disgusting?" I blurted out while starting to clean up the clogged toilet, full of shit by whichever animal – because I couldn't call the thing who did this a person – wanted to ruin my night.

"Everything okay back there, Faith?" my colleague shouted from the cash register.

"No, dumbass, nothing is okay here! Why the fuck didn't you clean this up before I came?!" I shouted back. He was counting the money made on his shift to add it to the computer program we used in this small gas station and was preparing to hand over the night shift to me.

"Tsch, how the heck do you have such a holy name but such a rotten mouth?" He scoffed.

"No but for real, you always leave these messes for me to clean! What am I, your personal maid?!"

"I just didn't have time, okay?! A lot more people come here during the daytime, just so you know!"

"Yea, yea, keep telling yourself that. How much money did we make during the day then, huh? 100 bucks?"

"150!"

"That's how many people. 5?! Fucking asshole."

I hated this job, but I desperately needed money, so I came to work here, despite all the rumours I've heard about the owners going bankrupt. There are not many options in this city for doing night shifts, and my days are already filled to the brim by the other full-time job I have. If this gas station's going down, we'll see.

What I like the most about this job is the hours. I call it a "night shift" out of convenience, but I'm actually scheduled from 7 PM to 3 AM, which gives me plenty of time to go home and pass out for a few hours before my other job starts at 10 AM.

What I hate the most is – you guessed it! The fucking toilet. And this co-worker.

Just ... a bit more... I tried to give myself some courage, thinking that there is a light at the end of this hellhole.

I am moving.

As soon as I manage to pay off my debt, I'm fucking leaving this place behind and starting anew somewhere else.

Where? I don't know yet. But there's nothing for me in this stupid city. I've been living in a black hole for as long as I can remember, and I can't change anything if I stay.

Just a bit more!

~

Handing over the shift to my next co-worker, I made my way out of the gas station and inhaled the cold air outside. It was already autumn, gold and rusty leaves paving the way back to the small apartment I lived in.

The way home was not too long, but not too short either. I had to walk for about 20 minutes and pass through some sketchy neighbourhoods, but this was already a nightly occurrence at that point, so I didn't pay it much mind.

The only place that truly creeped me out, though, was the tunnel. A big bridge carrying the country's largest highway crossed over the city, and under it – this cursed space with barely any light that I had to go through every day if I wanted to reach home quicker. The other way home would mean detouring the whole bridge, which would imply more than an hour of walking. I don't have that time, nor the energy to walk so long in the dark after 2 full time jobs.

Now, again, I was in front of the tunnel, bracing myself to go through. Faint sounds could be heard from the inside, but the cars going high speed above made it difficult to listen to anything that was happening.

I took a careful step in the dark but couldn't really see anything. The only light came from the headlights of the cars above that would creep through. I was able to make out a silhouette of a man hunched over. Disgusting sounds were coming from him as he threw up all the alcohol he probably drank, judging by the bottles around him, which made me wonder if he was perhaps the same breed as the guy that shat in the gas station's bathroom earlier.

I crossed over to put some distance between me and him, but that proved itself to be just a futile attempt, as he somehow managed to stop throwing up and come to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me back forcefully.

The guy smelled so bad, I gagged, feeling a bit of vomit rising up my throat. I shoved him back and tried to walk away, but the realisation that he, a man, was more powerful than me, a woman half his size, hit me hard, as he pinned me up against the wall and started rubbing himself on my leg.

"Fuck, get off!" I shouted, trying to push him away, but he forcefully held my hands against the wall, his lips finding their way to my neck.

"N-No!" I shouted, trying to push him again to no avail. Small tears formed in the corners of my eyes, and the feeling of doom settled deep down in my stomach. I didn't know what to do.

The only thing that came to mind was as pathetic as it sounded, which was letting out a quiet "Help" and closing my eyes shut.

I summoned all my strength and managed to somehow push him away from me, but that only got him angrier. He grabbed a handful of my hair and tackled me to the ground, getting above me.

If I could get myself out of the former position, this new one was simply impossible. He was too strong.

I prayed and prayed for someone to come, but quickly lost all hope as the man easily held both my wrists with just one hand, his other roaming my body, touching my breasts, my stomach, my thighs, and my ass.

He ripped off my pants, making me wince as the cold night air brushed on my naked thighs, and then clumsily touched my panties with his dirty fingers, grunting in pleasure.

His touch made me feel so disgusted, I cried again, but there was no one there to hear me.

As his hand moved from my thigh to his growing bulge, I heard the sound of him unzipping his pants.

Fuck.

No.

Is this really happening?

I shut my eyes tighter and mouthed a yet another small "Please help me.", and just then, the man's weight suddenly disappeared from me.

~

~Jeongin's POV~

Feeling better than ever, my stomach full after the meal I shared with my brothers, I decided to go for a walk.

Night was pleasant. Daytime wasn't too bad, either. There were certain vampires who preferred the sun over the moon, like Felix, one of the guys from Stray Kids.

Then, there was Chris, or Seungmin, or I, who enjoyed the moonlight.

Again, it was simply personal preference. There's no such thing as glowing skin, burning under the sun or nonsense like that. Whoever made those stupid vampire movies didn't research at all. It's clear that they never met a real vampire.

Of course, our existence is a secret, and it's normally extremely difficult to make out a vampire in a crowd. Almost impossible if that vampire is careful. After we drink, we are stronger than ever, but we also become... very human-like. Our skin is no longer pale and cold, we are no longer firm to the touch and these effects last for at least 72 hours, when we would have to eat again. The only indication that we are different stands in our crimson red eyes, but that's also easily hidden with coloured contact lenses nowadays.

Probably the only things those movies got right would be the super strength and enhanced senses. We are able to move very quickly, and our hearing and sight are truly something impressive.

As I'm leisurely walking through the quieter parts of the city, I suddenly hear a small voice.

"Please help me."

It was a cry for help, and judging by the melody of the voice, barely audible, I assumed it was a woman.

Shrugging, I turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

Then the voice cried again.

"No, please..."

I was able to distinguish a few grunts coming from a man, and the sound of a zipper opening. What the man was doing was disgusting, but I guess it wasn't entirely so different to what we, vampires, did. I also didn't give two shits about others' bodily autonomy.

Well, not exactly. Ever since I joined Stray Kids, Chris made it crystal clear that I'm gonna have to respect other humans, since I needed them. So, I guess that asshole of a man and I weren't that much alike, after all.

Plus, I was doing what I did to survive. He was trying to rape a girl in the middle of the night for... what? A few minutes of pleasure?

Tsch.

My legs moved without me realising, and my hands collided with the man's back, grabbing him by the shirt and shoving him away from the whimpering girl on the ground. She was half naked, but judging by the man's dick barely hanging out of his pants, I got here quickly enough, and he didn't manage to do the deed.

The girl's eyes were burning holes into me, confusion visible on her face, as she didn't seem to register what happened.

The guy tried to get up and land a punch on me, so I went behind him and grabbed him by the collar, while he whimpered in pain as he was slowly getting strangled by his own shirt.

I kept holding the man and looked at the girl, who was clearly bewildered and couldn't comprehend how exactly I was able to hold the man one meter above the ground with such ease, while he struggled in my grip.

Still holding the bastard, who started muttering curses towards me, I took advantage of the super speed and went on top of the bridge quickly, throwing him in front of a moving car.

He was dead instantly.

I went back down to the girl to check on her and see if she'd be able to keep her mouth shut about what happened, and she was still on the ground, but she managed to pull her pants back up.

~

~Faith's POV~

"You okay?" The tall man spoke nonchalantly. He returned as fast as he left, the drunkard who just assaulted me completely gone by now.

"Uhm... where... is the other guy...?" I looked around confused, not understanding what happened. It's irrational to think that any of it was logical. How the dude practically flew off me, how easily this mysterious black-haired man held him up in the air with just one hand, and how both of them disappeared for just a few seconds, before he returned alone.

None of it made sense.

"Why, love, miss him already?" he wiped his hands off on his clothes, as if he was dirty and wanted to clean himself.

"Of course not. Thank you." Was all I said, when a car suddenly hovered over us on the highway, standing in place, small screams being heard from above. The sudden light allowed me to see the tall figure more clearly, and one thing in particular caught my eye: his red eyes.

"What..." I start, but stop myself in time, as the piercing gaze this guy was giving me almost made me freeze. I felt a sudden rush in my body, my breath hitching inside my throat, my heart beating quicker than ever, and I involuntarily started trembling looking into his eyes. I didn't understand why, but my fight-or-flight response was sending alarm bells to my brain stronger than ever, and I couldn't explain it.

What was it about this guy that was making me so afraid, feeling like a little lamb in front of a wolf? He just saved me... so why? Why is my body reacting like this when I notice him trailing his crimson eyes up and down my body?

It's a different gaze than the drunkard's. This one seemed a million times more... dangerous.

"You know," he started, clicking his tongue, "it's always better to not ask any questions. To stay oblivious. It's safe." He accentuated the last word and took a sure step towards me, and even though my brain was in overdrive and the only thing I wanted to do was to run away as far as possible from this black-haired man, I stood still, continuing to look into his eyes.

I just laid there charmed by his demeanour, by his determined steps, and despite the fear, I felt more alive than ever. The saying was true. Fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up.

And that's what it did to me. I got up and started walking towards the man as well, wanting to take in as much as possible about him.

I was completely mesmerised by the way his fox-like red eyes watched my every move, by how angelic he looked. There was no doubt that this must've been the most attractive man I've ever seen in this city. His black hair was parted in the middle, large strands falling on his perfectly smooth forehead. His cheekbones looked like they were carved by Michelangelo himself during a passionate night of sculpting and inspiration.

I reached out a hand to touch his face, and to my surprise, he didn't even flinch. His cheek was warm. My thumb slowly brushed over his lips, that were also an interesting shade of red, it looked like the remnants of a lip tint.

"Done feeling me up, doll?" he smirked, pulling me out of my trance.

"I'm sorry." I take my hand back and get shocked by my boldness. Where did that come from?

"You should go home and forget that tonight happened. Yea?" he instructed me, sounding really convincing. His words were as sweet as caramel liquor, and I just wanted to hear them more and more, to get drunk on them.

"Will you walk me home?" I asked directly, surprising myself; even the man seemed briefly shocked by my boldness, his red eyes growing wide for just a few barely noticeable seconds.

"And why would I?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Because it's safe." I replied, feeling clever to use the same words he just spoke.

"Doll, I'm the farthest thing away from safe. Can't you see? Or rather- can't you feel it?" His face came closer, and he whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "I can hear your heart beating faster. Aren't you afraid?"

He was right. The ringing in my ears wouldn't stop, and I was in overdrive. This man felt dangerous, but the way he saved me was easily the most interesting thing that ever happened in my pathetic life. It's the first time someone saved me, and God knows how much I needed it before, when the creepy subway guy touched me under my skirt, when a drunkard followed me three streets home or when the loan shark I've borrowed so much money from to pay for my grandma's hospital bills beat me up. I needed help many times, and I asked for it, just as pathetically as I did tonight. But still, no one ever came.

No one ever heard me, until this dark-haired tall man showed up.

Maybe he was my guardian angel. Maybe all my faith was misplaced all this time.

"It's safer than going alone." I retorted weakly after trying to think of a witty reply, and failing.

"I don't know about that sweetheart. I could just be a monster in disguise and eat you as soon as we cross through the tunnel."

"Hmm. Maybe you are. Is red your natural eye colour?" I ask, way too bold once again.

"As I said, not asking questions and staying oblivious is safe, so why don't you bite your tongue?"

"Only if you take me home. Safe and sound."

"You're persistent." He grinned. "Okay. I'll take you home, but you will promise me that you'll forget about the drunkard, what happened in this tunnel and me. And you'll stop asking questions you shouldn't know the answers to."

"Fine. I promise. But can you tell me your name, at least? I'll forget it by tomorrow morning anyway." I started walking through the tunnel, surer of my steps, since it was no longer as dark. I wondered how many cars stopped above us for it to be so well lit, and I tried not to think of the drunkard that wanted to get a feel of me when several sirens could be heard from the highway.

I was sure that whatever happened to him, happened up above, and judging by the number of sirens, I would find out from the morning papers.

I'm not so sure I wanted to know, though.

"It's Jeongin. What's yours?"

Jeongin. A really old name.

I tried once again to stop thinking. Maybe it's as he said. Not knowing is better. It's safer.

But do I want safety, or do I want to feel something for once?

"Faith."

"Pfft." He burst out laughing. "Faith? So ironic."

"Why?"

"Who're you gonna have faith in? Now you have to tell me you believe in God."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Did God save you tonight? Whichever God you've prayed to. Did he listen to your prayers, ever?"

"Jeongin..." His name lingered on my lips for a little while. "You are... how I will pray from now on." I glanced at him with a serious look in my eyes, as we exited the tunnel.

"I'm no God."

"Maybe... But you are mine, for you answered my prayers, didn't you?"

"I just happened to be around to hear them." He shrugged, and I dropped it.

The walk home was filled with silence, as both of us leisurely made our way towards the old, run-down apartment building I live in. As soon as I announced that we arrived, Jeongin disappeared without a trace, and I didn't see him again.

~

~Six months later~

~Faith's POV~

40.000$.

That's how much I borrowed to pay for my grandmother's hospital bills. Lung cancer was a horrible diagnosis to receive at her old age, but what was I supposed to do? Simply give up on her? She's the one who raised me.

The doctors weren't optimistic, and suggested many times in good faith that we should stop treatment, stop forcing her to fight. The treatment was expensive, the chemotherapy reaching up to as much as 7000$ per month, excluding the additional cost of her having a bed in a shared crappy room at our state hospital. She was hospitalised for a total of 8 months, 6 of which included chemo. It's easy to say that the cost wound up eating away at me, putting me in a dilemma: let my grandmother go, or get money somehow?

I've been working since 13 doing all sorts of odd jobs just to keep us afloat, as my grandma hasn't been able to work due to her sickness in a long time. I even managed to save up some money, a few pretty thousands, but everything I've saved up was gone the first 2 months of her hospital stay, so the only thing I could do was borrow money. However, no bank wanted to loan anything to me, an 18-year-old high school dropout with no consistent job.

I was desperate. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. We had no one, and with my grandma sick, I was completely on my own. I resorted to associating with bad crowds, and ended up finally meeting a loan shark that was willing to lend me as much as I asked for monthly, which was only my grandma's bills that I couldn't cover from my two jobs. I skipped eating entirely only to be able to pay him back the monthly fare we agreed upon once my grandma passed away, and I became frail. The only times I could eat were when something was left over from the gas station's pastry, or when I could get a 90% discounted product at the supermarket for something that was soon to expire.

In retrospect, I made the wrong choices. My grandma suffered badly, the chemo only made her weaker, the meds made her dizzy and sick, and by the end she became a shell of herself. I should've let her go peacefully, and I shouldn't have borrowed any money.

But I did. 40.000$, with interest 60.000$.

And the 2 jobs I had – now only one, ever since the gas station closed down – barely paid for my rent of the crappy one-room in the old, run-down apartment building and the loan.

Scraping by, trying to find another job I could work night shifts in, I kept agonising.

Just a bit more!

I tried to tell myself again, but who was I trying to fool? How many years would I need to lie to myself like this? How many years have I already lied?

My train of thoughts was interrupted when the door of my apartment opened up forcefully.

I stood up and glanced at the two masked men walking through the door like they owned the place.

"You turned off your phone." One voice spoke, and I quickly realised it was the loan shark. "And you paid me too little last month. Trying to run away from your responsibilities?" He came threateningly in front of me and slapped my left cheek with force. I felt the iron taste of blood inside my mouth, but I didn't cry out in pain.

"I didn't turn off my phone." I tried defending myself. "It broke down and I didn't have money to replace it. And I paid you a little bit less because I lost one of my jobs, but I will make it up to you as soon as I get hired again."

"And when's that? Fucking bitch." He raised his hand again, making me wince in anticipation.

"I- I don't know." I stuttered. "I've been trying to find something, but-"

"I know, Boss. Why don't we hire her at the new place? She's not that ugly, I bet she could bring in banks." The other masked man spoke. I didn't like the sound of it.

"Great idea. You're gonna start working tonight at the new club opened on Fable street."

"Wait-" I raised my hands in the air trying to get his attention. "I don't- I can't- I'm not a prostitute!" I shouted, trying to explain somehow and make him understand that I don't want to take this job no matter what.

"You won't sleep with anyone. You're just going to play hostess and serve drinks, make sure customers are happy. That's all." The loan shark shrugged as if it was nothing. As if I was so naïve, I couldn't tell that he was lying. There was no just playing hostess and serving drinks. Things didn't work like that in the real world, and I hated the idea of doing that kind of job, selling my body to strange men – I wanted to avoid clubs all together.

"But-" I started, before getting quickly cut off.

"Tonight, 10 PM, Fable Street 142. Dress up nicely, a short skirt would be preferable, and put some ice on that cheek, otherwise you'll bruise, and no customer will want to look at that ugly face. Oh, and you'd better be there, unless you want me to fucking kill you, or even better, sell you off to get my money back."

Bastard.

~

Even though I put ice on my swollen cheek, the bruise still started to form, and I didn't have any make-up to cover it up.

In terms of clothes, my wardrobe was also scarce. However, I managed to find a short black skirt that was hugging my thighs a bit too tight for my liking, and that was barely covering up my bum. I grabbed a sort-of matching low crop black shirt, and looking at myself in the mirror, I felt like a slut.

The only thing covering up my body was a big winter coat that I hugged around me as tightly as I could while I made my way on the dark streets to Fable 142. Indeed, a new club opened here. Glancing around, the only neighbours would be whoever lived in the house on Fable 143 – if there was even someone living there, for the place looked pretty abandoned – so poor them, because it was sure that this club, like all the others run by this loan shark, would be noisy as hell.

I entered the club and made my way towards the bar, where the loan shark sipped lazily on some whiskey.

"Look at you, you're presentable at least. But your cheek is bruising up, didn't you listen to me?"

"I did." I replied drily.

"I must've hit you too hard. It's not like you didn't deserve it, so whatever." He shrugged. "Take off the coat and start serving, the bartender will let you know which tables need which drinks."

~

~Jeongin's POV~

"Yo, Chris, wanna come with across the street? A new club opened up. Maybe we'll find some food." Minho smirked evilly.

"Nah, I'm good. Not hungry at the moment." Chris shrugged and continued reading whatever book he was holding.

"Seungmin? Jisung? Jeongin?" Minho continued asking around the room.

"I'd like to go." Felix replied.

"Hmm, me too. I do feel a bit hungry." Jisung got up from the sofa and tossed aside the remote control of the TV in the living room.

"Fine, I'll come too, if y'all are going." I stood up as well, and the four of us made our way vis-à-vis.

~

The club was loud, and the smell of smoke was intoxicating. We quickly found an empty table and Minho ordered a few bottles of expensive rum, whiskey and champagne, before starting to look around the room hungrily, hunting for tonight's unlucky victim.

I looked around the room as well and noticed how full the circular tables with leather sofas around them were, and then something caught my eye. Or rather – someone.

Faith was wearing a short, indecent black skirt with a top just as small. She presented a Dom Perignon champagne bottle to the men around the table directly in front of us, and they urged her to sit down next to them and pour the angel's tears in their glasses.

She seemed uncomfortable.

One of the men was getting touchy with her, his hand brushing over her naked thigh, and with each of his touches, her expression would grow even more cramped. Her whole body looked stiff, and I couldn't believe how no one cared for her comfort. But men will be men, and the only thing they cared about in this state – drunk, totally intoxicated – was getting to touch a pretty woman everywhere, and releasing themselves, preferably inside of her.

Why is she here?

After our encounter 6 months ago, I don't know what was wrong with me. I grew some sort of infatuation towards her, and I kept watching her more often from the shadows. I found out she's living a chaotic, sad life, working two jobs seemingly to support herself, all the money going God knows where. I never showed myself in front of her again, though, because what good would it do?

But strangely enough, I was curious to see how this small human navigated her day-to-day life, and I knew her gas station and cashier jobs' schedule by heart. I even remembered her name, which was another first. I never cared to remember any names before. And even more than that, it was the first time I wasn't interested in her blood, but rather in herself, but I didn't want to do anything with this curiosity, so I stopped following her around about a month ago.

She's just a pathetic human. I would tell myself. And she's going to die anyway.

So why was I now feeling so much discomfort, seeing the man try to move his fingers up her skirt?

Why is she here? Why isn't she at the gas station?

She suddenly got up and bowed shortly, before leaving the room and basically running to the bathroom. The man seemed persistent, however, and got up, going after her, and my feet once more moved without my will, towards them.

The man grabbed Faith by the hand and spun her around, grabbing her behind with his free hand and lifting up her short skirt. She protested and tried pushing him away, but before she got the chance to, I grabbed the man by his collar and threw him on the ground. One glance at him made all the annoyance in his gaze disappear, getting replaced by fear. He stood up and walked away, leaving me and Faith on the small corridor.

As soon as she saw me, her eyes went wide, in a similar fashion to the night we met.

"Jeongin." She breathed, my name sounding sweet on her lips.

I got closer to her and replaced the man's position, letting her skirt back down instead of lifting it up. I put my face closer to hers, and breathed in her perfume-less, natural scent, which was so sugary, it almost drove me crazy. This night I was hungry. I kissed her neck slowly and tried to fight all urges inside of me to not bite her then and there, and I was expecting to hear her complaining of my actions, but instead, she rolled her head back against the wall, giving me more access to her bare neck.

"Back again in danger's lap?" I whispered, feeling the way her body reacted to my words, how she crumbled in front of me.

"You helped me again." Her hands found their way to my waist, and she held on tightly.

"What are you doing here, Faith? This is not you." I trailed my hands down her body, touching the small of her waist, before trailing down to her hips, to her naked thighs, my lips still dangerously close to her neck. Oh, how I wanted to sink my teeth in her soft skin and taste her.

"I didn't have a choice." Her hands also moved from my waist, upwards towards the back of my shoulders, and she pulled me in closer.

"Do you want to bite me?" She asked seductively, making my breath hitch in my throat. Of course, I didn't actually need to breathe, but I learnt to do so naturally so as to seem more human-like.

"Why would you ask that?"

"I've been thinking about you. A lot. And I figured it out." She whispered.

If I had a beating heart, I was sure it would've beat harder than ever right now. Or stopped. Either or.

"What have you figured out?" I asked.

"What you are."

"What am I?"

"A vampire." She whispered again, slowly, the words rolling off her tongue.

"Bullshit. Vampires don't exist." I smirked.

"You exist, though."

"So you made out I'm no God, then?" I grinned again.

"I told you, Jeongin. When I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray. You can be anything, and I wouldn't care."

Fuck, how badly I wanted this human girl to be mine. To have her completely for myself and learn everything about her, to drink her blood whenever I please and to fuck her senseless – first time I've ever felt this urge, a new feeling rising up inside of my chest, making the shirt on me feel too tight.

"Faith, stop working at this place. Don't let any degenerate touch you." I whisper while slowly kissing her neck again, the small moans from her lips intoxicating me more than anyone else's blood ever could.

"I need money."

I raised my head and examined her face closely, and that's when I noticed a dark patch on her left cheek.

"Who did this to you?" I touched her cheek softly, seeing her wince in pain.

"The same bastard I've borrowed money from. I couldn't pay back this month's share fully, so he hit me, then brought me here."

"How much do you need?"

"25.000$ more"

"Ouch. Why don't you show me the unlucky bastard who hit you, pretty?"

"Why? What good would it do?"

"To pay him back, of course." I smiled innocently, thinking of all the ways I was going to fuck up the idiot's face.

I raised my head and looked down into Faith's eyes, surprised to see no more fear in them. Instead, something else seemed to glimmer – curiosity, perhaps. I resumed my initial position in the crook of her neck.

"It's the owner of this club."

"Got involved with a bad gang, pretty?"

"I did. And now I'm paying the price." She shrugged. It felt like we were having a talk while drinking a morning coffee, not something as serious as this. It was quite ironic, considering our proximity. My lips were still latched to her skin, stealing small moans with each few seconds of silence between us, and her arms were still pulling me closer, hands on the back of my shoulders.

"I'll clear it up for you, if you promise me you'll live better." I distanced myself from her again, afraid that I would really sink my teeth in her. I wasn't sure if she would want me to, and Chris' words to respect humans' autonomy echoed through my head. It was shocking, really, to truly care about her autonomy, and no one else's.

"What do you know about how I've been living?" She raised an eyebrow, grabbing the collar of my shirt and holding it tightly. I let her do whatever she wanted. That's the privilege of my interest in her. "And if you help me, will you just disappear again?"

"I don't know. Probably. You don't need me hanging over your head."

"I want you, though." She replied bluntly. "You see, Jeongin... playing with death seems to be the only thing that makes me feel alive."

I was baffled. The burning in her eyes made it impossible to look away from her. It was like there was something unspoken between us, a connection I couldn't back away from, and I once again wondered what it was about this mortal girl that made me feel this way.

I forgot that I, too, used to be mortal. I haven't always been a blood thirsty vampire, and I haven't always longed for human's very essence.

Looking into her eyes, though, I remembered, and it came down on me like a wave crashing against the shore. I used to have this burning in my eyes too, and I used to want to live, as I was rotting away in a hospital bed a few hundred years ago.

"Will you offer to me just like that, Faith? Will you come with me? Will you continue praying to me, no matter what I'll do to you?" I asked her in such a low voice, it almost came up as a whisper, barely audible in the club's uproar.

The corners of her mouth lifted up in a mischievous smile, before she pulled on my collar and made our lips collide.

~

~Faith's POV~

I must be crazy.

No sane person would do what I've done.

Jeongin was walking leisurely in front of me, his right arm stretched backwards to hold my hand firmly.

The realisation that I was following a vampire God knows were at 3 AM after just kissing him sunk into the bottom pit of my stomach, and I started feeling very dizzy. It was surely the lack of sleep that made me feel this way. How many hours have I been awake for?

"How old are you? How did you become a vampire?" I asked, trying to steer away from the tightness of my chest.

"Someone turned me when I was 21. Many, many years ago."

"Who? Why?"

"I don't know. I can't remember his face. I was sick, on the verge of death. I probably had something that doctors would call an autoimmune disease nowadays. It wasn't much known of medicine back then, though, so I can't be sure. Then I got pneumonia, and I knew I was done for."

"Fuck, so you've been sick your whole life?"

"Yes. Couldn't really get out of bed much. I remember my mother's face when she took me outside in the sun, on the rare occasions she had enough time to. I had 6 other siblings, so she was a busy woman."

The fact that he was answering my questions without any complaints made me feel more at ease, making the knot in my stomach slowly disappear.

"Really? What happened to them?"

"They all knew I died, and since the form of pneumonia I had was contagious, there was no open casket. It was easy enough to fool them into thinking someone was in there, buried in the ground. I continued helping them out and left money from time to time, but they never saw me again."

"That's sad. Weren't you lonely?"

~Jeongin's POV~

"That's sad. Weren't you lonely?" Faith asked, a pitiful look in her eyes.

"Well, why would you want to be alone? Doesn't it get lonely?" Chris' words echoed inside my head, making me close my eyes.

Why does everyone assume I've been lonely?

And why does it feel like they are right?

"I don't know." I replied truthfully, feeling her hold my hand tighter.

"I am lonely." Faith continued, looking ahead. We weren't going anywhere in particular. I just wanted to get her out of the club and walk somewhere with her. Being in her proximity was not healthy for her, she would for sure end up bitten with the hunger growing in my body.

I don't want to bite her, though, or to taste her blood.

I don't think I would be able to stop if I did.

"I borrowed money to pay for my grandma's hospital bills. She was really sick, and then she died. It was all in vain. That's why I work two jobs now, to pay everything back."

"Hmm. I see. Which reminds me, why weren't you at the gas station?"

"How do you know I've worked there?" She raised an eyebrow.

Fuck.

"I followed you around for a bit, after we first met."

"No way! And you didn't meet me even once?!" She pouted. "I wanted to see you again so badly, Jeongin!"

"Didn't you promise me you'd forget about everything?" I raised my eyebrow playfully as well.

"I lied." She grinned. "The gas station shut down. The owners went bankrupt."

"Oh, that sucks."

"Indeed. That's why I'm apparently a part time hostess, part time prostitute at the new club."

"Nah, you won't go back there."

"I won't?" She asked, surprised.

"You won't."

"Jeongin, I..." she started speaking, her voice trembling. "I don't feel so good..."

"Why, what's wrong?" I turned around just in time to see her knees giving out.

She would've definitely fell, if I weren't there to catch her.

~

~Faith's POV~

Huh?

What... happened...?

I opened my eyes to see the curtains of an unfamiliar room, my head pounding with pain.

"Hello." A voice I didn't recognize sang next to my bed. I turned my head to see a man leisurely reading a book, his legs crossed. "Slept well?"

"Who... uhm... where am I?" I stumbled on my words and looked straight into the man's eyes, noticing a familiar crimson pigment in his irises.

"This would be Jeongin's room." The man replied, closing the book and meeting my gaze.

"Oh."

"And I am Chris, he asked me to look after you until he returns."

"Where did he go?"

"To eat."

"Oh."

Chris was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. His jaw was so sharp, I was certain it could cut through glass, and there was just something about him... emanating confidence, making you unable to look away.

"Will he be gone long?" I asked the man, noticing him shrug a bit.

"I'm not sure. I assume you're hungry as well? We bought you something earlier, hopefully you'll like it."

"Uhm... Chris?" I start, unsure, holding the duvet closer to my chest. I cursed myself for having worn such inappropriate clothes last night to the club. "Do you perhaps have... uhm... a change of clothes?"

"It's okay sweetie, we aren't that desperate to bite you just after seeing some skin. Most of us aren't, anyway."

Well, that surely is assuring.

"I am the one uncomfortable, though..." I grimaced. "Not because of you. It's just... not my usual style."

"Hmm, I guess you could borrow something from Jeongin's closet if you want."

"He's so tall, though."

"Changbin?" Chris said, as if the person he wanted to talk to was in the room. I was shocked to see the door open not even 2 seconds later.

"You asked for me?" A black-haired man walked inside. "Hey." He waved at me, acknowledging my presence. He seemed excited to be here, and he was smiling at me way too eagerly.

"Yea, can you bring some pants for Faith? Jeongin's clothes are too large."

"Sure. Or I could go buy something real quick. What size are you, Faith?"

"Uhm... I'm not sure? Probably S or M?" I reply with a shrug. I haven't bought clothes in forever, so I really didn't know.

"Mkay, be right back." Changbin left as quickly as he came.

"Wanna wait for him, or should we go down for you to eat?"

"We can wait..."

"Sure, whichever makes you more comfortable."

"Chris?"

"Hm?"

"Are you okay with me knowing about...?" I hesitated.

"About what?" He raised an eyebrow as if he was daring me to keep talking.

"About the fact that you are... vampires?" I gulped, noticing the small twitch of his mouth.

"I don't have much choice. Each of us has an obsession, and we can't help it. You're Jeongin's."

Huh?

I blushed uncontrollably.

"So, what's yours?"

Chan chuckled. "Mine? Hard to say. Haven't found it yet."

"It?" I asked a bit offended. "Is that how you generally refer to people? Like they're objects?"

"What? No." He shook his head. "You misunderstood. Each of us has... their own thing they are extremely obsessed with for no particular reason. Think of it like this: what you specifically like as a human being gets amplified 1000%. Imagine your favourite thing in the world is Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. If you become a vampire, you don't simply enjoy eating that the most. You are so obsessed with it, you would literally be almost unable to live without the thing."

"Oh, I assumed it would be... a person. Sorry."

"No, not necessarily. No worries." He waved his hand around in the air.

"So what other... obsessions do you guys have?"

"Well, the man you just met earlier-"

"I'm back!" Changbin burst through the door, startling me and making Chan chuckle.

"He can answer that himself." Chan grinned.

"Answer what?" Changbin raised an eyebrow, still supporting multiple shopping bags on his arms.

"Your obsession." I clarified, feeling that Chan was having a bit too much fun making me look like a curious idiot who wasn't able to ask things themselves.

"Oh, can't you figure it out?" Changbin smirked, dropping all bags on the floor and starting to flex his muscles.

Chan started clapping with a loud laugh, as if impressed by his friends' show.

I smiled with content and asked what's in the shopping bags. Changbin seemed kind of dejected that I didn't pay more attention to his muscles. I couldn't lie, he was attractive as fuck, but I got my eye on someone else already, so...

"Why did you buy so little? She's gonna need a lot more." Chan scolded Changbin as I examined the pants he brought back with him. I found out he brought me a few clothes, so I'd have a selection to choose from, and even if Chan thought it's not much, it was more than my whole wardrobe back home.

"You know how peculiar I.N is about style! It's best if she just goes shopping with him directly." Changbin whined.

"Who's peculiar about style?" Jeongin entered the room, seeing him in the daylight was a cultural reset. He was the most beautiful man who ever walked the earth, and I was grateful to finally be able to examine him clearly under good lighting. The same red eyes, crimson stained lush lips and prominent cheekbones brought me a sense of familiarity and I felt safe.

"No one, no one! Anyways, I'm gonna let you to it." Changbin excused himself, and Chan followed soon after.

"I'd say go with this blouse if you like those pants." Jeongin commented, seeing me be indecisive. Having little clothes to pick from would've been way easier.

"Thanks. How was the meal?" I asked him, genuinely curious. It would be a lie to say I was not interested in how vampires live, now that I found out for sure that they are real.

"Wh-what?" He stuttered. "Why would you want to... know that?"

"I mean... no reason in particular. I just want to know things about you, I guess?" I stumbled on my words as well, not expecting Jeongin to grow shy.

"It was... good, I guess? Could've been better."

"Oh. Uhm... do people... taste differently?"

"... Yea, they do."

"That's insane. Do you think I-"

"Did you eat breakfast?" Jeongin cut me off, and seeing the tip of his ears grow as red as his lips, I decided to drop it for now.

However, I was really curious to know what my blood tasted like. This was a weird new oddity of mine.

"No, not yet."

"You should, so let's go downstairs, what do you say?"

We both made our way to the kitchen where another red-haired vampire I didn't recognise was cutting up all sorts of vegetables. He quickly shifted his attention to the pan of the stove where two eggs were slowly getting cooked, sunny side up.

"Morning." He smiled briefly and waved. "I'm Minho, the guy in charge of your meals from now on."

"Hi, thank you. I'm Faith. Wait- from now on?" I turned and glanced at Jeongin.

"We were thinking that it would be best if you started living with us, so-"

"We're trying to be accommodating." Minho cut him off.

"Uhm, okay..." I looked again at Jeongin, unsure, then sat down at the table and watched as Minho placed a plate in front of me.

"I don't remember when I last ate breakfast." I mumbled, and Minho hummed, then sat down in front of me, elbows on the table and head in his hands, and looked at me expectantly. Jeongin also sat down next to me and started speaking.

"So, Faith, about that loan shark..."

"Yea?" I turned my head to him, but Minho was growing impatient, so he leaned over the table and moved the plate towards me. The gesture caught me off guard, making me chuckle slightly. I got the memo and took some bread, swirling it in the egg yolk, then brought it to my mouth to eat.

"I killed him." Jeongin said, as if it was the most usual thing in the world. I, caught off guard once again, for entirely different reasons this time, choked on the bread and started coughing. Minho gave me a glass of water, and I gulped it down.

"You what?" I asked after I collected myself.

"I killed him." Jeongin shrugged again.

"Oh." Was all I could say in return. What was I supposed to answer anyway? They probably kill people on the daily basis to eat, so-

"Oh my." Minho shook his head. "Bad, I.N, bad. When's the last time you killed someone?"

"70 years ago...?" Jeongin tilted his head, unbothered. "Although I killed two ever since meeting Faith."

"Tsk. Bad influence. What did the unlucky dudes do?" Minho chuckled.

"The first one tried to assault Faith, and the second one hit her."

"Mhm." Minho nodded.

70 years ago...?

"Don't you normally kill people when you suck their blood?" I asked bluntly, the two men's heads turning at me.

"No." Minho replied with a gentle smile. "We are a bit... conservative, in this regard. We let them live."

"Really? But... if you bite them and let them live, wouldn't they turn into vampires?" I asked, confused.

"What, do you think we're zombies or some shit? That it's transmissible like a virus?" Jeongin chuckled.

"I mean, it would make sense." I shrugged.

"No." Jeongin replied with a slight laugh.

"If people don't turn after getting bitten... how do they turn?"

"That's the first step, but it's not enough. A bite would make you feel sick for a few days at most, then you'd be back to normal." Minho clarified.

We continued chatting for a while, and it was such a weird feeling, sitting at the kitchen table talking sweet nothings in the morning, as if I've always been with them, as if we've known each other forever and shared food at breakfast every morning.

~

After six months of living with Stray Kids – as I learnt that that's what they were calling themselves – the feeling that I was home continued to grow in my chest.

It was certainly an unusual situation, living among vampires while my heart kept pumping blood, but seeing that all the other vampires in the house seemed to care for my comfort – at least out of respect for Jeongin – and didn't want to hunt me down or eat me or anything was pretty relieving. Even our bonds became stronger, and I was sure some of them considered me genuinely pleasant to be around, if not a friend. Felix and I would play games daily, Lee Know taught me how to cook simple meals, Seungmin taught me photography, Changbin would sometimes take me to the gym to get in shape, Han and I would sing songs together – even if his voice was angelic and mine was the opposite of that, Hyunjin and I would paint together, I would read and discuss books with Chan, and Jeongin...

Jeongin was, to me, the most important person in the world.

My feelings for him just grew and grew and grew and they were so big I was sure they were going to swallow me eventually. I also knew he felt something for me too, just from the way he cared for me. He treated me like I was a precious porcelain doll – with care and consideration. At night, he would hold me in his arms until I fell asleep, and he wouldn't leave my side even afterwards, even if he wouldn't be sleeping. He said it's enough just to hear me breathing, knowing I'm happy, and safe.

We haven't kissed again since that night in the club 6 months ago, which hurt. I wanted Jeongin in all ways. I wanted to be his, I wanted him to capture my lips and fuck me and bite me without thinking of any repercussions.

I wanted him to turn me into a vampire.

~

Tonight, just as usual, we were laying in bed, Jeongin was waiting for me to sleep. My head was on his shoulder, and my fingers were tracing the shape of his neck.

He was warm to the touch, and soft, which indicated to me that he must've eaten today, or yesterday.

Watching his neck in the soft moonlight, my fingers touched two scarred spots on his skin.

"Jeongin...?" I started.

"Hm?"

"These spots here... is this where you were bitten?"

"Yes."

"When you were turned?"

"Yea."

"Do you remember... how it happened?"

"Not much.... I told you before... I was a sickly child, and on my deathbed, a man visited me. I don't remember what he looked like, and I don't know why he did it, but... he decided I should live, so he bit my neck."

"But you said biting someone is not enough to turn them." I raised my head to look him in the eyes.

"Because it's not. There is still... something else you have to do to become a vampire."

"What is it?"

"You must drink a vampire's blood."

"Oh... how did you... do it?"

"The man cut his hand, and I felt a warm liquid getting poured in my mouth... his blood." Jeongin looked at me, trying to grasp my reaction. When there was none, he asked. "Aren't you shocked, Faith?"

"Why would I be? No... I'm actually... glad."

"Glad?" He chuckled. "Why?"

"Because thanks to that man, I got to meet you."

"I'm also glad we met, Faith." He cupped my cheek with his hand, and we looked at each other for a little while.

"Jeongin, I feel like you made me wait enough..." I said, and pressed my lips against him, as his hands moved on my waist and pulled me in his lap.

"I didn't mean to. It's just... it's hard to control myself around you sometimes, when all I want to do is sink my teeth in your neck and taste you."

I leaned in next to his ear and whispered, "Do it.", and I felt his grip on my waist tighten.

"What if... I wouldn't be able to stop...?" He looked into my eyes, seriousness laced into his glance.

"I don't care." I shook my head. "I love you, and I want you to have me in every possible way. Please. I want to be with you forever. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I feel happiest when you're around."

"I feel the same way." He smiled, cupping my cheek once again and raising his head to meet mine, pecking my lips.

"Can't you... drink from me, at least once, and... turn me?"

"Faith... I don't know if that's the best thing for you... I don't even know if loving me is right."

"Yet I do. But why... are you saying this?"

"Because of who I am." He smiled sadly. "I have a horrible past, and you certainly deserve better."

"I would take on the whole world for you, Jeongin. I thought you knew that..."

"Before deciding on anything... I must confess all my sins. If, after hearing about my past, you are still sure you want me... then Faith, I will do whatever you want me to do. I will submit to you wholly."

Jeongin started telling me about his early childhood, about his brothers and sisters, and his fond memories of them. He told me about turning into a vampire, how painful it was, how hungry he woke up, how he couldn't recognise himself anymore, as soon as he turned. He told me about his early vampire days, about the people he mercilessly murdered just for his own entertainment, about how he met Chris and the others, and how he got here.

He spoke for a long time, and I just listened, my head pressed against his chest, where normally a beating heart should keep him alive. There was no beating coming from his chest, though. Jeongin was dead, and I was alive, and it was hard to grasp, still.

After he finished talking, he changed our positions, making me lay down while his head laid on my chest this time.

"Your heart beats nicely..." he spoke softly, his ear pressed against me, listening closely to my unruly heart. After everything he told me, a normal person would've been scared, repulsed, even. But I...?

I now understood what made Jeongin himself, and I loved him even more now.

"Faith... don't you want children? A family? Growing old with someone you love? If you continue to pick me, you won't be able to have any of those things..."

"I don't need any of that." I replied truthfully. "As long as I have you..."

"I am a monster, and you want me?" He chuckled. I caressed his hair.

"You are not a monster. You are my everything. I am not religious, but... I told you before. You are the closest thing to God I'll ever encounter in this life, and the fact that we met... must've been fate, don't you think?"

"If I'm your God... you are my Faith." Jeongin spoke, then pulled down my blouse and kissed my chest softly. He moved upwards and kissed his way from my collarbones to my neck. He sucked a few marks on it, his sloppy, wet kisses making me moan, and after a few seconds, a stinging pain made me wince, and I grabbed his back for support. I felt his teeth sink deep in my neck, as he sucked my blood slowly, and my whole body stiffed in place from the pain.

"Shh." He whispered, taking out his fangs and kissing the sore spot. "You did well." He praised me, continuing to kiss my neck.

"How... was it?" I asked, trying to hold back tears. It hurt, but there was something erotic about the way he bit me and kept kissing me, and I felt my core aching for some friction, for any sort of contact between our bodies.

Jeongin must've known it too, for he pressed his crotch against mine, making me moan as his hard cock pressed against my pussy.

"The best blood I've ever tasted. Fuck, you taste so good, Faith. I want to bite you again." He said, and without missing a beat, his lips latched to my chest, just above my breast, and his teeth sank in my skin once again. Another sharp pain awoke my senses, and I rolled my head back, trying to relax.

Jeongin's left hand trailed on my body, cupping my right breast slightly, then touching the hem of my pants and underwear, taking them down in a swift motion. His thumb started working on my nub, his teeth still in me, and I spread my legs open for him, giving him full access.

The next time he moved his mouth, he brought it against mine, and kissed me, parting my lips with his tongue. I opened my mouth and let our tongues play, and the first thing I felt was the salty, metallic taste on his tongue. I was tasting my own blood in his mouth, and I moaned once again. I was already a wet mess, ready for him to take me however he wanted.

He once again seemed to know, as he took off his pants quickly and positioned himself between my legs, his dick touching my entrance. He pushed in, continuing to kiss me, and when he bottomed out, I saw stars.

A few thrusts in and he established a quick rhythm, hitting all the right places as I clenched around him. The sounds coming from my lips were obscene, but muffled by his mouth as he fucked himself into me.

"Fucking hell, Faith, this is just too good." He praised me again and again.

"This is not hell... it's heaven." I replied, through hurried breaths, feeling myself almost get over the edge. "I'm so close." I cried out, and as soon as I said that, Jeongin moved from my lips to my neck, on the other side that was still unmarked.

He pushed his dick in and out of me harshly, grazing my G spot over and over, and I felt my orgasm take over all my senses, making me see stars, moment when Jeongin's teeth marked my skin once more, biting me and drawing blood for him to drink.

The combination between pleasure and pain was euphoric, and I felt myself get dizzier and dizzier, completely fucked up.

"You're the best." Jeongin spoke, his own orgasm coming quickly enough as his warm seed released inside of me. He kissed my lips again, and then plopped down next to me.

I turned around to face him, when he bit his own wrist, blood dripping on the covers.

"Faith... the ultimate decision is yours. You can stay human, and I will love and cherish you until the end of your life, or... you could join me in this deathless life. Now, next time, or never. Whatever you choose, and whenever you're ready to choose, I will be happy to stay by your side regardless."

"Are you proposing to me after just one night together?" I joked, and Jeongin smiled kindly.

He put his wrist close to my head and I grabbed his arm, looking into his eyes. The choice was obvious, and I was determined, so I licked a long stripe of blood from his elbow until the bite, and I closed my eyes.

The taste was similar to when we kissed earlier, metallic and salty, only slightly different, as it was now not only my blood I was tasting, but his as well, and I found it so beautiful, knowing the same blood would flow through both our bodies.

I latched my mouth against the bite and closed my eyes shut, forcing myself to drink Jeongin's blood, even if the taste was making me nauseous.

He petted my hair gently, and after a few long seconds, my chest started throbbing with pain and I felt myself suffocating for air.

The pain was like nothing I've ever experienced before, not even when that loan shark would hit me and I would bruise for weeks on end. My whole body burned so badly, like it was on fire. My head hurt and I couldn't understand anything around me. All I could feel was the excruciating pain as Jeongin's blood travelled through me, changing every part I once held familiar, transforming it into something new, something different.

Jeongin took me in his arms against his chest, and held me tight as I was going through agony. I held onto him tight as well. It felt like the only one who could keep me anchored through this was him, so I snuggled closer to him and tried to breathe the pain away while he whispered kind words in my ears that I couldn't even hear well, let alone comprehend.

A few minutes later, my eyes grew heavy, and the world went blank.

~

The next morning, I woke up, still in Jeongin's arms. He was looking at me expectedly. Hunger pangs overcame me completely, and I felt myself unable to stay still.

"Faith..." he started, looking right into my eyes.

"Did it work...?" I asked him, and he chuckled.

"Red eyes suit you. How are you feeling?"

"I'm so, so hungry..." I replied truthfully, and he smiled.

"I'll teach you how we hunt."

"I can't believe I'm a vampire..." I said, snuggling myself closer to Jeongin. He took my face in his hands and kissed me, and my senses were on overdrive. I felt everything amplified a thousand times. Is this what Chan meant about the obsession? Was Jeongin mine, as I was his?

"I'm happy you chose to be with me forever, Faith."

"You also chose me. Thank you for that, Jeongin. I love you. Truly."

"I love you too. Should we go downstairs?"

We stood up and my body felt foreign. I had more strength than ever, and with just a glance outside, I could hear each individual bird singing in trees as far away as the eyes could reach. I was able to hear people's voices that I couldn't even see, listen to their conversations, I could smell the smoke I saw coming from the chimneys in the distance, and each and all my senses were intensified.

We made our way downstairs and the only ones in the kitchen were Chan and Minho.

"Good morning." Chan smiled. "Faith, you... you're different."

"Yes. I feel different, too..."

"I love your new smell. It's no longer... appetising." Minho smirked.

"Welcome to our family." Chan came next to me and took me in his arms, hugging me tight.

"How didn't any of you bite me until now?" I asked. "I feel so hungry and I smell someone like 10 houses over and the only thing I want to do is go and fucking snap their neck and drink their blood."

"You'll learn to control it, eventually." Chan assured me.

"Yea. It's all about self-control, missy." Minho replied, and I playfully slapped his arm.

~

It's been more than three years since I've been with Stray Kids, and life, as I once knew it, is now completely different. Or should I say death?

My heart stopped beating three years ago, and with it, the need for normal food, water, oxygen and any other things that make humans... human. The only craving I have now is blood, but after a lot of practice, I can now hunt by myself without needing someone else to help me not lose control. I learnt how to pick my prey and how much I can drink from someone without messing up their whole week.

My bond with Stray Kinds only strengthened with time. They are the family I never had, and the love we have for each other transcended even life and death.

It's funny, really. All these years, I tried so desperately hard to believe that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, that it wouldn't end up crushing me under its weight. I wanted so hard to believe that life could be different, that things will change. Now, I know that the light at the end of the tunnel has been and will always be Jeongin, who is my love, my sun, my everything, whom I love unconditionally, who made my heart beat even after it stopped beating, who took my breath away even after I stopped breathing. He is my religion, and I am his Faith.

My days are, for the first time ever since I was born, peaceful, tranquil, and the thought that there will only be serene days from now on, next to Jeongin, my husband, and our family, all the vampires in Stray Kids, is the most beautiful thing in the world.

~The End~ 

[walkawaytall]

For the Fanfic Writer Ask Game

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

I feel like all of my headcanons are incredibly boring, but I feel like the one that the most people would disagree with (maybe...I still don't think this one is all that divisive) is that I think Han's one of those guys who you are shocked to find out reads a lot and Leia literally only reads for work. Like, there's only so much you can do when traveling as much as Han does -- he needs something to pass the time on long trips -- and I feel like he's one of those dudes who you find out has a collection of a bunch of non-fiction books on weird subjects and maybe one impossibly long series of novels he's into. And Leia has to have some reason to be reading -- work or maybe it's a shared bonding activity or something, but I don't think she just reads for the fun of it.

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

If you had asked me this a year ago, I'd have said sure! How fun! But the way the New Republic is being painted in canon now depresses the heck out of me, so...probably not! Because what would I even write? Like, previously, those of us who were bummed about the treatment of OT characters in the ST could at least pretend that maybe 25 years of their lives weren't the worst. But now it seems like things went full-dystopian immediately, right? I admittedly have gleaned this information secondhand, so maybe I'm missing something, but based on what I know, I don't know what I'd want to contribute to that wouldn't depress me. So...no, I guess.

Thank you for the questions!

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I've been getting into baseball recently, and it's got me thinking about the weird push for Americans to get into soccer. (I'm not imagining that, am I? The weird disdain you see for people who prefer football?)

A lot of people in college would tell me that soccer was the only sport worth caring about, because it's so popular worldwide. I always thought that was a funny argument. Like, why should it matter to me that I'm watching the same game as someone on a different continent? Isn't it kinda cooler if there's a wide variety of games worldwide?

Baseball is the biggest in the US, I'm sure, but it's also huge in countries like Japan, the Dominican Republic, and Cuba... and that's really cool, I think! The fact that baseball resonates so much with the people there says something small, but interesting about both the sport and the culture and history of the area. And cricket is a big deal in India and Australia - it's not a sport I care about much, but I love how there are places where people do care. I just find stuff like that so cool, and it would really depress me to think that the only metric for how much a sport should matter is how many countries agree that it matters.

Not sure if this is anything you'd care about, sorry - just, booooo to globalism, I guess! Regional quirks are good for humanity!

So, first off, if you're just getting into baseball I'd enthusiastically recommend the PBS documentary Baseball by Ken Burns. I just started getting into baseball this year too (went to my first MLB game even) and it's a really great way to learn the history of the sport and why certain players and plays and teams and games are still talked about today.

Second, in America, soccer is the little known hipster Euro indie band of sports. It doesn't matter if it's good or not, it's just unpopular enough to be cool and it's foreign, so people who want to look down on American culture latch onto it. I don't really know why soccer never caught on in the US. It can't be because it's boring or slow, because baseball can also be boring and slow, at least before they implemented the pitch clock (which I think is the greatest change the game has even seen and I probably just made a lot of people very mad lol) and that's the third most popular sport in the country. It can't be because it isn't violent like football or hockey, because, again, baseball, and also basketball because basketball players are the literal softest athletes in the world when it comes to fouls and basketball is more popular than soccer. It can't be because there's too many white people--hockey--or too many non white people--basketball.

I dunno, I'm going off on a side quest here.

You're right, "the rest of the world likes this" is one of the stupidest reasons to like something. Hell, I vastly prefer the XFL over the NFL, and me and my husband are watching Slamball later on tonight. I've watched all kinds of combat sports, and things like Wipeout and American Ninja Warrior. I've watched pro wrestling and amateur wrestling. I've watched grappling fights. I've watched figure skating. Snowboarding. Sure, many of these I've only watched once or twice, but the sheer variety of sports that are out there, some regional, some not, is a great thing. You can always find something that appeals to you. Even if it's only you and a few other people watching. One of the great things about sports is its ability to connect a room full of complete strangers for a few hours. Whether that "room" is your living room, or a sports bar, or a backyard, or a stadium filled to capacity doesn't matter at all. As long as you're enjoying something and getting something out of it, that's all that matters. The "best" sport is impossible to determine with any objectivity. The most popular sport is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what's fun to watch or play.

Besides, we all know the best sport is Blitzball anyway.

[elliesmistress]

Hey! Random question ik but like i just saw you make a post abt u being high and as a non smoker myself i just kinda wanted to know ppls expiriences with being high. Sorry, its random i just think they are always funny af. Ofc u dont have to if u don't want to ♡

THC - is what makes you feel high and giggly

CBD - is what makes you go night night

There is THC and CBD is all weed but some has more THC than CBD and others have more CBD than THC

Depends on the type of weed and just drugs on general- unfortunately where I am weed is VERY illegal so you get what you get 😭

Like, if I smoke indica which has more CBD than THC I go night night. I tend to smoke stuff with more THC during the day (on my days off, I'm not even working at the moment but whatever) usually so I can write or just enjoy being high playing video games, playing bass or guitar, and listening to music. Idk I've had some pretty bad experiences on weed like fully "greening-out" (basically blacking out but on weed) and getting so high it feels like my chest is getting ripped open, somewhat in a good way but usually I just freak myself out but I've definitely had some good experiences on it, like half the shit I've written I've been stoned and or high -

I've also done a fair bit of LSD in my lifetime, the first time I did it was absolutely terrifying and the worst trip I've ever had.

I've also done ket, don't recommend at all it's more of a downer than a upper and it's just not that fun lmao- for starters you get horny af on it but you can't feel anything, like it's a fucking tranquilizer so it makes it hard to breathe and move/I've had a few experiences with friends and myself where we almost had to call an ambulance because of how much it fucks with your breathing - but gives you one of the best afterglows out there.

I've also done MDMA or Molly, probably the best high I've ever had, made me love everybody- MDMA makes it impossible for any negative emotions to get in because of how much serotonin it releases, so your mom could walk in tell you that she hates you and wishes you were dead and you'd still be happy- crazy shit dude, MDMA gives you the fattest hangover ever btw, first time I did Molly I had a come down for 3-4 days, everything hurt- I was scared of my own reflection, my hand kept morphing, my eyes looked weird, I had dilated pupils, EVERYONE thought I was still high, i just don't recommone molly like whaat you get from it isn't enough for it to be worth it- you get super depressed after and you wanna kill urself :/ . @abbysmiddlefinger was a victim of me saying how much I loved them and me on MD in general

I've also done Amphetamines, for the love of god do not do speed, I did speed like the day after I did Molly for the first time and oh my fuck was the come down from both absolutely terrible- if anything touched my body in any way it would send pain shocks all down my spine and shit and my head OMG MY HEAD IT WAS TERRIBLE! I hadn't gone outside since the come down (so for two weeks I was in my room/house) and I had to go to therapy and I almost punched my therapist because speed makes you angy as FUCKKKK.

(I'm an innocent soul istg)

Just don't do drugs in general , it's wayyy to easy to get laced or take something that isn't what you think it is nowadays or just buy off a trust worthy friend or be a fucking idiot and make it yourself. Fun fact: MDMA is such a bitch to make most people just put crack, rat poison or speed in it.

[prismatoxic]

I want to know about Confrontation!

(the post this ask is referencing)

that one is the first fic i started writing about these guys:

my intention was to explain how tobias and cam first started their romantic/sexual relationship, and i actually did get into the beginning of the sex but then got distracted by other things, as my adhd self is wont to do

it's from tobias's pov, explaining how he's felt like things have been different with cam lately:

It’s impossible to deny that things have felt different for a while. Of course, that’s just what happens when children become adults; Tobias knew it was coming, one way or another. He just wasn’t expecting the way things have shifted—the way the air around Cameron has become electric, like he’s full to bursting with a sort of energy he’s never had before. Deacon feels subdued by comparison; he’s more mature, now, effortlessly engaging in adult topics and learning a sort of precise control over his emotions. Tobias is incredibly proud of them both for coming as far as they have, but... It’s still strange, with Cameron specifically. Looking back, he supposes it began when Cameron started going to college, which makes some amount of sense. His parents have always been overbearing, and any amount of freedom would be expected to change him. They’ve never liked Tobias or Deacon—efforts to coordinate their sons hanging out were usually in vain—and on top of being resistant to Cameron’s most important non-familial relationships, they’re also, at best, dismissive of the trans thing. A perfect cocktail of underlying resentment that will surely lose them contact with Cameron as soon as he doesn’t rely on them at all anymore. (As Tobias understands it, they're still paying for his schooling.) Living in the campus dorms, Cameron surely feels liberated; he's mentioned in passing how hard it was to get his folks to agree to let him move out in any capacity. He also spends a lot more time here, at the Rivera household, than he was ever able to before. It’s nice seeing him so enthusiastic about life and having fun. It’s nice that he clearly feels safe here. It’s nice that he’s blossoming into a young man. And it’s weird how different his presence feels now, but frustratingly, it’s hard to quantify how or why.

things take a turn after deacon's 21st birthday; tobias takes him out drinking and it goes well. he's been trying to model a healthy relationship with alcohol for his son, but when deacon seems to have taken that lesson to heart, tobias slips up a bit because it's not an active concern anymore. (he's long-divorced and depressed; he's done everything to be a good father, not only for deacon but for cameron as well, but the man is Sad.)

anyway while drunk he manages to wind up looking at porn and that rabbit-hole eventually leads him to cam's, uh, camshow. whoops! he's so worried his son's best friend is like having money troubles or something that he doesn't stop to think about what he's doing until he's watching. then, uh, well, this isn't doing anything but making him feel like a creep.

naturally deacon is at work the next day and naturally cam comes over for a visit. tobias decides making sure cam is safe is more important than hiding his shame.

“So, what, you’re gonna tell me to stop?” Cameron spits, and the words and venom with which they’re said makes Tobias look at him again, stunned. The way Cameron is positioned now, hugging his legs almost defensively with something deeply betrayed in his eyes, Tobias fears for the worst. ...then it clicks. This isn’t about the sexual nature of it, Tobias seeing him in such a state. It’s about control. It’s about how his parents would lose their minds and demand he cease immediately; how they’ve always dictated everything he can and can’t do. Maybe that’s what the sex work itself is about, too. Freedom. “...That’s not why I brought it up,” Tobias says softly, and Cameron seems to relax just a bit. “I’m just worried, Cam. I don’t like the idea of you being backed into a situation like this out of necessity.” He continues before Cameron can speak up again, clearly poised to do so; “But if that’s not what this is, then... it’s none of my business. If it’s what you want to be doing, then that’s your decision.”  Cameron watches him a moment longer, and then the tension starts to bleed out of him, replaced instead with what looks like guilt as he curls in on himself. “...God, Toby, I’m sorry,” he murmurs, looking away. “You’ve always supported me. I shouldn’t have gotten mad...” “It’s okay,” Tobias assures, pushing past his own conflicting feelings to reach out and gently set a hand on Cameron’s upper back. “I know how your parents are. I should have chosen my words more carefully.” He smiles when Cameron looks over at him again, adding, “Just be safe, okay?”

but tobias makes a mistake as cam opens up a little more about it; he indicates that he actually was in the stream, not that he just realized it was happening. and cam, who's been hot for toby for ages, seizes the opportunity. he's actually a crafty little bastard under the cute surface.

so, you know, mutual attraction (despite tobias's insistence that he's too old for cam) leads to sex. but tragically i moved on right when it was getting good 😔 i gotta go back to it.

[wordscholar]

my favorite books of 2023!

(plus some runners-up that didn't make the cut)

hi all! due to consuming copious amounts of manga this year, i met over 150% of my reading goal in 2023, which i think is a record for me!! that said, i still read a TON of amazing non-manga books, and i wanted to share what they are and why i liked them so much :) here are my top 10, in no particular order:

stay true, by hua hsu: i actually "spoiled" this memoir for myself, in that i opened it randomly at a bookstore and by chance saw a line that revealed the central event of the book. that said—knowing what was going to happen made this book even better. hsu's writing is so conscious of itself and you can tell he never says anything he doesn't mean or anything he hasn't thought about time and time again. i don't even like memoirs! but this book broke my heart.

witch king, by martha wells: all my friends know i'm obsessed with witch king. this was my first martha wells book and i was absolutely enraptured from the word go. it was so fun and exciting and the characters did not overshadow the plot, which is a trend in books nowadays that often bothers me, and it also didn't feel contrived or almost silly the way bad fantasy can be. i read this book so fast it made me depressed when it was over. read witch king!!

goodbye, eastern europe, by jacob mikanowski: dedicated readers of this blog, who definitely exist (lol), will know i am from deep eastern europe. reading this book helped me understand the region more, especially on a more personal and less geopolitical level, but almost more than anything, it made me feel like i wasn't wrong for always feeling like my country has left no footprint on the world. mikanowski says that eastern europe doesn't lack for history, but rather it lacks for narratives that it can tell about itself, having been torn apart and conquered and frozen and thawed and put back together again over the course of more than 500 years. it's not just that no one remembers us—no one even knows what to call us.

mammoths at the gates, by nghi vo: i have loved the singing hills cycle since it first started coming out and this latest story was no exception (though nothing can beat empress of salt and fortune). i love the focus on the neixin (the little "twist" at the end was so funny and cute) and, as i've come to expect with nghi vo, she gives her "antagonists" such careful, dedicated treatment that they stop being antagonists and just start being other people. also, i've said it but it's worth saying again: i love chih!!

the dispossessed, by ursula k. le guin: several years ago i read all of earthsea, and then i read left hand of darkness, but it was only this year that i finally got to the dispossessed, and the wait was absolutely worth it. uklg has so many ideas to share about feminism, nationalism, linguistics, not to mention anarchy and capitalism. reading this book made me feel like even our ability to imagine utopia, the perfect, impossible nowhere-land, has been degraded by capitalism over the years. this book should be required reading.

an immense world, by ed yong: i am scientist and so i love to read about other sciences, especially plant and animal science, and immense world is the best journalistic foray into animal science an amateur could ask for. this book just does not stop hitting you over the head with completely crazy true stuff about the natural world, and to top it all off ed yong is funny and likable and a socially conscious person. do you want to know more about animals, even in passing? read this book.

all the horses of iceland, by sarah tolmie: i'm obsessed with novellas that carry 100 times their weight in meaning, and (like the singing hills cycle!) this is one of them. are you interested in medieval eurasia? nomadic peoples? witchcraft? global judaism? horses? the season of game of thrones where she lives with the dothraki??? all of the horses of iceland has all of these and more and it's slim as hell!!

lonely castle in the mirror, by mizuki tsujimura: this book is most immediately about how bullying can truly send a person's (and especially a child's) life off course, but it's also about living on in spite of that and especially making new friends and reconciling with old ones. while the middle portion of the book is a little slow (not boring, just slice-of-life-y), once i got to the final quarter or so, i was so enraptured i read it while walking home. it's also maybe, but also definitely not? about time travel.

the premonition, by yoshimoto banana: this book is short but it takes you to many places as the narrator comes to understand a secret about her family that had been kept from her for years. many uncomfortable things are discussed and even put into action, but at the end of the day this story is about loving other people and appreciating your life and knowing no one can control you but you. unrelated, but at one point they drink hot calpico, which is total madness.

city of bones, by martha wells: i finished this book on christmas eve and it made the list! on the surface it's about archaeology (and combat archaeology! that beloved 90s genre), which i love as someone with a degree in classics. but it's also about people who are hurt in different ways by the social systems we live under and how mutual aid can help. and also, toxic shock syndrome(?!).

quite a few runners-up:

ms. ice sandwich, by mieko kawakami: a really sweet novella about a kid who doesn't understand the woman he has a childhood crush on had a botched plastic surgery to "fix" her eyelids.

juniper and thorn, by ava reid: a fairly dark piece of magic realism about abuse and freedom. tasteful but not toothless sex scenes.

the king must die, by mary renault: what if when theseus was taken to crete, there were no monsters, only people?

the remains of the day, by kazuo ishiguro: it's never too late to tell someone you love them—or to not do that, if you're british.

the mask of mirrors, by m. a. carrick: an ambiguously slavic (not russian!) fantasy about conning your way to success, or maybe not that much success.

young mungo, by douglas stuart: a really horrifying book in the sense that horrifying things happen in the real world, every day. the conclusion of this book is about as horrifying as the inciting action, but it's a fucking triumph.

all systems red, by martha wells: imagine if every time you went outside you had to bring an antisocial bodyguard obsessed with general hospital.

the last unicorn, by peter s. beagle: many people have written much about this book, so all i'll say is that they're right. it's good.

a couple that weren't for me:

lapvona, by ottessa moshfegh: this book was very much a folk tale describing what happened when pagan communities ostensibly became christian—except no one in the book knew they were still pagan. great in concept, but in execution far too gross for me personally.

confessions of the fox, by jordy rosenberg: i can understand why lots of people love this book, but for me it was actually a bit boring. the commentary (literal and metaphorical) was fun to read, but the story-within-the-story didn't end up interesting me very much.

what lies in the woods, by kate alice marshall: this was a deeply average mystery novel, totally predictable but not unfun. i'd rather just read tana french though.

days at the morisaki bookshop, by satoshi yagisawa: the first half of this book is actually alright, as a young woman is convinced by her uncle that her ex cheating on her was actually a hugely shitty thing to do, but the second half transitions to a completely different story about the uncle's wife reappearing after many years that i didn't like at all.

the manga series i read (or read a lot of) this year:

skip and loafer, by misaki takamatsu: an awesome slice of life story about a girl who lives in the countryside moving to tokyo for high school. the story is split really well between the characters' personal aspirations and arcs and their interactions with each other, and as many have noted there is a prominent trans woman character who's really lovely.

inuyasha, by rumiko takahashi: i'm finally getting into this classic manga. i tried watching the anime first and found it was too hard to pay attention to for me, but being able to take the manga at my own pace has been super fun and i'm really enjoying it! i love miroku and sango. i think this is the first manga i've read from the 90s.

a sign of affection, by suu morishita: a love story about a deaf girl in college meeting her first boyfriend, who is hearing. some parts are pretty goofy, but overall i thought it was cute and i learned a lot about experiences you might have as a deaf person in japan.

in the clear moonlit dusk, by mika yamamori: a romance about a boyish-looking, suave high school girl who is caught off guard when a filthy rich, slightly delinquent upperclassman becomes obsessed with her. sounds disgusting? except then he starts talking about how he'd still be in love with her if she really were a boy and proceeds to respect all her boundaries at all times. chef kiss!

various BL by nagisa furuya (japanese editions): this author's single/double-volume BL manga are super cute, my favorite was definitely long period (childhood friends!) with hoshi dake ga shitteru being a close second.

ao haru ride, by io sakisaka: i had watched the anime of ao haru ride (which stops halfway through the manga) and so when i reached that point in the manga, i was expecting more similar stuff, not a genuinely stressful love square disaster. the first half is so cute and the second half is terrifying. proceed if you dare.

witch hat atelier, by kamome shirahama: i've continued keeping up with witch hat atelier this year, and i have to say i read the first few volumes so fast i've sort of forgotten what happened....but that won't stop me from being obsessed with qifrey and his whole situation. i love that coco and agott are getting more comfortable with each other these last few volumes!

[stuckinapril]

i feel so confused about my identity. i don’t know who i am most of the time, and i don’t know who i want to be the rest of it. i’ve never been sure as to who i am, i know what i am capable of and i know what i can and cant handle, but my interests, my hobbies, my relationships, they all feel transparent, almost non-existent. i am not depressed, i just feel lost, and i know i can find my place, but why does it feel impossible? i feel so impatient, and i kinda hate it.

not to get all preachy & cliche but finding yourself is a lifelong process. you pretty much never stop. i completely understand the discomfort that comes w “not knowing who you truly are,” but the cup-half-full way to look at it is “i don’t know much about myself right now. that’s as exciting as it is scary. the possibilities are endless & i can’t wait to explore them.” bc that really is the case. being a blank slate isn’t “bad.” it just means you need to put yourself out there and explore. and idk about you, but that sounds so fun to me. just the pure idea that you’ll rotate through different hobbies and things and people. you should be excited for that in and of itself, not just the end goal of discovering your likes and dislikes.

it feels impossible because you’re trying to reach a destination without enjoying the journey of it—or starting the journey to begin w. look in a mirror and own yourself. seriously. just look yourself in the eye and go “this is who i am right now, and that’s completely okay. i’m looking forward to change, but i don’t hate myself for who i am today.” bc this really reads to me that you place no value in yourself. and if you place no value in yourself, ofc you’ll be desperate to change who you are. definitely be aware of your potential, but don’t make the common, self-hating mistake of being infatuated only w the person you could/will be. the current you deserves some love as well. find reasons to be grateful for yourself in the moment, & keep those reasons close to your chest even as you make plans to change and transform. that way you’ll never feel the overwhelming urgency to shortcut the process.

[hazedxhealing]

I am once again back to tell you enods aren't fucking shit.

First of all, so sorry for being gone for so long, a lot has happened and it just went so downhill very quickly.

A general synopsis is that I have been being abused for the entirety of my marriage and there was a whole fuck ton of secrets about how we got together that I didn't know because I was brain washed and it was a whole clusterfuck. But in better news, I am now a verified autistic, and my DID and OCD are actually being looked into.

Anyway~

I have been watching, observing, always - and I see endos still haven't gotten the memo.

So, to combat that, let's take yet another look into why DID is and always will be disordered, and why endos simply cannot medically exist, starting with some fun facts-

What causes DID?

DID is usually the result of sexual or physical abuse during childhood. Sometimes it develops in response to a natural disaster or other traumatic events like combat. The disorder is a way for someone to distance or detach themselves from trauma.

What are the symptoms of DID?

A person with DID has two or more distinct identities. The “core” (we don't use core as a term, but if you do, good on you) identity is the person’s usual personality. “Alters” are the person’s alternate personalities. Some people with DID have up to 100 alters.

Alters tend to be very different from one another. The identities might have different genders, ethnicities, interests and ways of interacting with their environments.

Other common signs and symptoms of DID can include:

Anxiety.

Delusions.

Depression.

Disorientation.

Drug or alcohol abuse.

Memory loss.

Suicidal thoughts or self-harm.

What test can be done?

There isn’t a single test that can diagnose DID. A healthcare provider will review your symptoms and your personal health history. They may perform tests to rule out underlying physical causes for your symptoms, such as head injuries or brain tumors.

Symptoms of DID often show up in childhood, between the ages of 5 and 10. But parents, teachers or healthcare providers may miss the signs. DID might be confused with other behavioral or learning problems common in children, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). For this reason, DID usually isn’t diagnosed until adulthood.

Source

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A few key points here

"DID is usually the result of sexual or physical abuse during childhood" means exactly what it says. It takes mass amounts of severe physical or sexual abuse during childhood to cause DID. Being told to do the dishes, or getting yelled at for not cleansing your room or normal every fucking day parents being parents things aren't fucking trauma. Some of us go through literal hell and back, and all we have to show for it is too much consciousness and PTSD.

"Some people with DID have up to 100 alters" means that the most a non-polyfragmented system can have is up to 100 brainmates. Polyfrag systems can have way more brainnmates, but that's not the point. It is physically impossible to have thousands. You would be clinically insane and have to be institutionalized for your own safety because you cannot live with that many voices in your head in a safe way.

"There isn’t a single test that can diagnose DID" there isn't ANY test known in the medical field curated to diagnose DID. There are brainwave tests, and CAT scans to show presence of other entities in the brain, but there is no testing period. You can't just go to the Dr and ask for a DID test. I have been fighting for diagnoses since I was 13, my DID started forming at 10,I started showing symptoms at 13, and I have been fighting to bee heard ever since. That's 13 years of suffering, if it were that easy I would have been diagnosed a lot sooner.

"DID usually isn’t diagnosed until adulthood." you say you - as a young teen - have DID? Ok, but consider the fact that not only is the cut off point for development 10 years old (12 in rare cases), but also the fact that it is medically impossible to diagnose a child with DID, it is exclusively looked into as an adult because of the way a childs brain works. Also the fact of OCD, ADHD, Autism, BPD and Bipolar Disorder can be confused with DID, though they can be co-morbid.

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Endos are not real systems, and never will be. They are using a very serious mental illness to gain pitty points.

Some of the people with DID don't get the privilege of diagnosis. Some of us are overlooked, some of us beg to be listened to.

That's another thing, I never, ever see a traumagen telling people that having trauma is a privilege because it "aids in diagnosis".

Stop invading the safe spaces of traumatized people. Stop stealing our terms. Stop using our personal hell to gain internet pitty.

It's nor fucking easy, or fun, or uwu quirky.

Fuck endos, they aren't shit.

[parasite-core]

hey this is chance and here’s week 4’s prompt. how do strangers within the world view your protagonists? how would they describe them? and how does this contrast against how the protagonist views themself?

Hi Chance, as always thanks for the fun prompt 😊

So we’ll go down the list.

Roland: People who don’t know him see a stoic man who is reserved and dedicated solely to his duty to his religion and the people around him. He outwardly seems like the paragon of a religious follower to a good deity.

Inwardly he struggles to keep it up. He has PTSD and depression and he is extremely hard on himself. He is his own worst enemy, and he in many ways uses his dedication and loyalty as a punishment for his past deeds by overworking himself if others don’t step in and make him go at a more reasonable pace.

Kaius: The world sees what he wants them to see. And that’s generally a suave, quick-witted, well put together, lone-wolf gunslinger. He has a story for every occasion to try to perfect how others view him.

Inwardly, he is a quick-witted gunslinger, but he is also a loving and loyal husband and father, a bit of a trickster, and a habitual liar.

Umbrolus: Outwardly he looks rather intimidating at first look—he’s a large strong tiefling with shadowy colored skin, wild hair, and two sets of draconic looking horns. Then he opens his mouth and unless you’ve made him mad on first impression, that all flies out the window, because he’s just an overgrown puppy who wants to make everyone happy and protect his friends and loved ones, especially his SO Kleio. First impression is only right if you made him mad by hurting said friends and loved ones. Then…run.

Inwardly he’s not much different: he wears his heart on his sleeve, he’s very open about who he is and what’s important to him, so most people who meet him get a pretty clear understanding of him if they’re around him for any amount of time. He is also a terrible liar, he cannot lie to save a life, his poker face is non-existent, so even if he tried to hide some part of himself from others it wouldn’t stay hidden long.

Draven: Outwardly she is a paragon of Iomedae’s light. The Adamant Shield, temporarily Iomedae’s Herald, who never falters before a foe, who shoulders any burden to protect those around her. The One-Eyed Knight, who led an assault against impossible odds to take back the fortress town of Drezen and yet emerged from the depths of that fortress to fly over the battlefield victorious with the enemy commander’s head held aloft. She is a myth, a demigod in the flesh, and yet somehow she still walks amongst mortal men.

Inwardly…Draven is a disaster. First there’s the PTSD from all the times people around her have died violently, and the self hatred and blame she puts on herself that it’s *her* fault they died. That she is a blight on the people closest to her, that no one who loves her can survive contact with her. Then there’s her awful luck. She’s just the most unlucky person to ever live, her luck is cursed. She falls into pitfall traps others manage to avoid, she is targeted by enemies who are choosing their targets at random, and a million other little things in her life where her luck just turns sour for no reason except that she’s her. Draven also has a self-detrimental hero complex. Because she blames herself for others’ deaths around her, she tends to jump in and put herself in danger to save others to avoid more such deaths. She uses her own extraordinarily durable body as a shield when her own shield fails, and she will keep throwing herself in front of blows until either she’s dead or the person she’s protecting is definitively safe.